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fancifulwhump · 5 years ago

Note

Pssst jaskier prompt if you're interested: I'm a sucker for geralt being soft and caring while refusing to acknowledge it - so a fic where there's something wrong with jaskier - maybe he fell into an icy lake, or is getting sick or something, and geralt takes care of him like a total tsundere? *angrily shoves blankets at him* *stoically checks his temperature* *gruffly makes him soup* *WE'RE NOT FRIENDS BUT ALSO I WILL SIT AT YOUR BEDSIDE NURSE YOU BACK TO HEALTH UNTIL YOUR SINGING AGAIN*

@hurt-comfort asked: Hey hey! Loving your writing. I'm @hurt-comfort. I would love ANY Jaskier whump (use any prompt on my blog). I'd love to see like, Geralt just needing to comfort Jas (because he WANTS to even though he has the social IQ of a potato.) "When the whumpee is in like a daze, just sitting and staring at nothing because of something traumatic. Then someone forces them to either eat, get changed, or just move. Like shellshock" and Geralt has to be like "Jaskier, listen, it's okay"

AN: okay, okay, there was a lot to work with here, but hopefully I hammered it into a scenario that makes sense? “Falls through thin ice” is such a great whump trope and also a real nightmarescape of mine, so… let’s all enjoy the trauma together, guys!!

It’s not as though Geralt doesn’t care. That isn’t it at all. If he cared less, Jaskier probably wouldn’t get into scrapes like this --- he’d find his own trouble, of the ‘incensed husbands and fathers’ variety, but would cross paths with far fewer monsters. If Geralt didn’t care at all, he’d have abandoned the fool in some insignificant village long ago and never thought twice on the subject.

If he didn’t care, he wouldn’t have fished Jaskier out of the damn lake.

Fine. That’s... not true. He would have done it anyway. The terror he felt when he heard the ice crack --- that heart-plunging, vein-chilling terror --- he could have gladly gone without. Instead, he was almost frozen by it. From the ominous creak of the ice beneath their feet, to the sudden sharp scent of unfrozen water, to Jaskier’s half-hesitant “Geralt ---”

Before the ice gave way.

It took him too long to move. Too long to spring into action, too long to force his body to cooperate with his racing nerves. Witchers are trained to never be caught unaware, to react on instinct --- a slow witcher is a dead witcher --- but he wasn’t fast enough to catch Jaskier before he plunged through the ice.

Where he vanished, only a hole remained --- and the water underneath, black and churning, small chunks of ice bobbing like forgotten fragments amidst the inky depths. Nothing thrashed; nothing moved. Geralt plunged both arms in, ignorant of the cold. His lone thought was catching something --- an arm, a foot, the collar of a jacket, anything to prove that Jaskier was down there. Yet as he groped through the murk, he found nothing.

“Jaskier!” he bellowed, the sound echoing across the frozen lake. If the bard could hear him underwater, he gave no indication. Beneath Geralt’s knees, the ice creaked alarmingly, but Geralt fought through the natural instinct to retreat. Not without the damned bard. Dead or alive, he wouldn’t leave Jaskier beneath the surface.

He began to scramble, clearing snow from the frozen laketop to reveal the hardened ice beneath. It was like looking through a mirror into another world. Above was all he knew, all he’d ever known; below lay a foreign realm of darkness and desolation. Some battles even witchers could not fight, and a frozen lake was one of them.

Jaskier was nowhere, nowhere. Nowhere at all. Beneath the ice was a vortex of blackness, no thrashing body in sight. He must have sunk, Geralt’s furious mind realized, sunk right to the bottom, dragged down by that damned lute, and that’s the end of him ----

With a roar of fury, Geralt’s fists slammed down on the ice. “Jaskier!”

For a beat, nothing happened. And then the ice broke.

This time, Geralt’s reflexes served him well. He scrambled back, finding his feet half a second before the frozen ground he’d been kneeling on shattered. Back, and back, the ice splintered and broke, widening the crevasse of churning water. No longer was it safe to stand on; the ice would not tolerate any more weight. Geralt took a step back, gaze fixed on ice’s open mouth, gaping and hungry…

There, a movement.

There, something white and fluttering, like a bird in its death throes.

There, a fucking hand.

He moved too quickly for even the ice to catch him --- but Geralt caught Jaskier, and that was the important thing. In one swift movement, he hauled the thrashing man up, out of the water and onto solid ground. Not solid for long, though. Even at the weight of Jaskier’s body flopping onto its surface, the ice groaned and gave way some more. A hand still locked around Jaskier’s forearm, Geralt seized hold of his companion’s other. There wasn’t a second to waste, even to make sure he was alright. Heaving Jaskier’s pliant body up and over his shoulder, Geralt ran.

Ice breaks fast. Witchers run faster.

He would have tried to save Jaskier anyways, Geralt thinks as he sets the bard’s limp body down on solid ground, but it would be so much easier not to care. At the moment, he cannot stop caring. The crack of ice still rings in his head, dogging him like one of Jaskier’s songs; though he takes little notice of the water’s lingering chill, it’s obvious in the stark whiteness of Jaskier’s face. Somewhere in their mad flight, Jaskier vomited up any water he swallowed. Now, he simply shivers in his damp clothes, still gasping like a fish on land. Something in the icy air doesn’t agree with him, because he keeps coughing, and he’s trembling —

Geralt does care. That’s the difficult thing. Because caring for humans is a fragile process, a risk with limited possibility for reward. Humans are so breakable, and there are so many things that can go wrong.

Caught in a moment like this, he isn’t sure how to care for Jaskier.

“You’re fine,” is what he settles on, drawing back to survey Jaskier’s shaking form. “Damned ice.”

It wasn’t Jaskier’s fault, of course. For once, he wasn’t blindly catapulting himself into mortal peril. Even Geralt hadn’t realized the ice was so thin… which is the real bitch of it, because Geralt should have known. He’s the one with heightened senses, with the ability to smell damned ice in the air — Jaskier couldn’t have known, but he should have. He should.

“You’re alright,” he says again, awkwardly patting Jaskier’s shoulder. Even under his touch, the bard quivers… but he’s still in wet clothes, and the afternoon is frigid. Right now, they need to get him warm.

Surely that will bring the blood back to his cheeks, and chase away that expression — a wide-eyed, blank look, so utterly unlike Jaskier that it’s unnerving. His open mouth still gulps in greedy lungfuls of air, which he proceeds to choke on. Any chance of regaining his composure is clearly beyond Jaskier right now, so it’s up to Geralt to drag him back.

Literally, as it turns out. When, after a few minutes, Jaskier tries to find his feet, his knees immediately give out on him. He winds up crouched on the frozen ground, hands digging into the dirt, practically curled in on himself. His head ticks against his chest as he trembles, eyes squeezing shut. Geralt waits a moment, weighs the cost of Jaskier’s dignity against his own, and finally offers a hand.

Jaskier doesn’t take it. He doesn’t even look up.

“Damn it all,” Geralt grunts. This was exactly what he didn’t want to do — yet it seems there’s no choice. Either he leaves Jaskier to freeze in the middle of a frozen wood, or lead him along like a child. Since Jaskier isn’t in any condition to give his preference —

Tucking one strong arm around Jaskier’s shoulders, Geralt hauls the bard to his feet. For one frightful second, his legs seem ready to give out beneath him again; but Jaskier slumps into Geralt, trusting his weight, and manages to stay upright. Geralt takes one step forward. Jaskier manages to follow. Another step, and another, and soon they are walking. It’s not much — Geralt is basically Jaskier’s walking stick, used to ground him despite his violent shivering — and Jaskier still hasn’t found his voice, but it’s enough. It gets them where they need to go.

When Great grunts and nods to the horse, it’s enough of a shock to resurrect Jaskier’s voice. “You —“ he croaks, then clears his throat with a wince. “You w-want me — t-to ride —“

“Get on the horse,” is all Geralt says, turning away. Chances are, he’ll regret it. Chances are, Roach will resent him for it. But with Jaskier riding, they’ll make it to town within the hour. Given the choice between an inn’s roaring hearth or defrosting over a sickly campfire, he can guess which one Jaskier would prefer.

By some small shred of common sense, the bard doesn’t hesitate. After a few pained grunts — which Geralt does not turn around to investigate, because it’s not his damn job — Roach lets out a huff of her own, and Geralt starts walking. The steady rhythm of hooves behind him reassures that Jaskier manages to make it up.

His estimate isn’t far off, either. They make it to town within the hour, riding past rows of dreary brick-and-mortar buildings towards the heart of town. Usually, Geralt is welcomed with stony silence by suspicious village folk; today is no different. Having Jaskier as a companion does come with rare advantages; he burns so brightly and appears so guileless that people can’t glare at him the way they do at Geralt. When Jaskier rides into town at his side, they are often given far warmer reception. Jaskier charms cart-vendors, smiles at children, winks at passing ladies (and gentlemen)... he makes himself welcome wherever he goes. Geralt May be a far more imposing presence, but he finds himself swept up in Jaskier’s tide, carried with him where he goes.

At the moment, however, Jaskier is in no state to charm and cajole his way into a dreary town’s good graces. He simply hangs low on Roach’s back, head bowed, as they ride through the streets. His shoulders still quake with the occasional shiver; his breaths are a bit too heavy for Geralt’s liking, and he’s too quiet. Somehow, Geralt finds himself more preoccupied with Jaskier’s state than the hostility radiating from the wary villagers.

The local inn has a spare room for the night, a warm bed, and a bath. It’s good enough for Geralt. He slides their coin across the table, steps back outside to collect Jaskier off of Roach — he’d trembled too hard at the notion of coming inside — and makes short work of hustling him up the stairs. As soon as the door closes behind them, Geralt guides Jaskier to the bed, form hands pushing both shoulders down. Jaskier doesn’t even bother with a token protest.

“Your clothes,” Geralt says. When Jaskier stares at him blankly, he curses. “They’re still wet.” Frozen, in fact, hardened with a thin sheen of frost against the night air. Leaving them like that is guaranteed to lead to problems later on; Geralt has no desire to leave town tomorrow with a pneumatic bard trailing behind. He reaches out, giving the sleeve of Jaskier’s jacket a tug. The leather is stiff, sending a hail of ice crystals raining down onto the mattress, Jaskier doesn’t react at all.

So, that’s how it’s going to be?

If Jaskier won’t do his own damn job, Geralt will do it for him. Scowling, he manhandles Jaskier’s jacket and jerkin off. In moments, he is left in nothing but his undershirt. That’s soaked through too, but the fabric isn’t as frozen; Jaskier could easily shrug out of it on his own. Still, he makes no movement to.

“What’s the matter with you?” Geralt demands.

Jaskier says nothing at all. His gaze shifts away from Geralt, across the room towards the closed window. Something about him — be it his hunched posture, eerie silence, or the far-off look on his face — feels as though he isn’t here at all. Jaskier has wandered off without Geralt noticing, going somewhere far away. Wherever he’s gone, Geralt doesn’t know how to get him back.

After a long moment, he sighs, casting the half-frozen clothes aside. When he strides across the room, his footsteps resound against the wooden floorboards. It’s easier to fill the silence with something instead of nothing at all. Somehow, it leaves him feeling less alone. The inn’s portress has filled a metal tub with steaming water, leaving it right outside their door; Geralt makes quick work of dragging it in, grunting as he goes. By the time it’s set up, the floor is littered with puddles, and his pants are uncomfortably soaked — but the memory of Jaskier emerging, white as death, from the black depths stifles any complaint instantly.

Looking back up at the bard, he’s shocked to see Jaskier showing signs of life. He’s found his feet again, and even removed his undershirt. Now, his hands fumble at the laces of his breeches, but they’re shaking too hard to manage.

Geralt allows himself exactly half a minute to settle on absolutely not, before caving in. It’s either this or watch the bard bathe half-dressed, which would be even more pathetic. That’s what he tells himself, at least, as he roughly shoved Jaskier’s hands aside and undoes the laces himself.

“You — you don’t h-have—“ Jaskier’s murmured protest cuts off. The job’s already done. Geralt looks back up at him, unconsciously seizing one of his wrists; automatically, a hiss escapes past his clenched teeth.

“You’re still freezing!” Geralt has met ice wights with more heat in their bones. No wonder he’s trembling so badly — shock mixed with potential hypothermia is a dangerous combination. Either one on its own can be debilitating, but both of them bad enough could be lethal.

“Bath. Now,” he orders brusquely, giving the bard a shove towards the steaming tub. Still dazed, as though caught in a waking dream, Jaskier stumbles into it. He doesn’t even whimper as the hot water envelops his freezing limbs, though it has to hurt. His thousand-mile stare shifts away from Geralt and down to the water. After a moment, Jaskier goes utterly still.

“You need to soak. That won’t stay warm all night.” When Jaskier gives no indication that he’s even heard, Geralt grunts in frustration and kneels at the side of the tub. “Hey!” He gives Jaskier’s shoulder a jolt, and he jerks to attention abruptly. The blatant fear in his eyes takes Geralt aback. He expected exhaustion, even irritation, but not — whatever this is.

“The water closed over my head,” Jaskier exhales, and evening his voice sounds a thousand leagues away. “It happened so fast… like I was swallowed. And I couldn’t — I couldn’t breathe, Geralt, I couldn’t — couldn’t swim. It was so cold —“

“Jaskier.” His hand is still gripping a bony shoulder; now, Geralt’s hold tightens, pulling his companion towards him. When Jaskier tries to pull back, he won’t let him. “Look at me. Hey.” Jaskier is still trembling, but Geralt grounds him with the contact, forcing him to meet his eyes. “You,” he says slowly, “are safe. This water is warm. It’s not going to hurt you. Nothing’s going to hurt you as long as I’m here.”

“It almost—“ Jaskier starts, then cuts off. Geralt understands anyway. It feels like a blade to the gut.

“I know,” he says after a long moment. “I’m… sorry.”

“Sorry?” Jaskier blinks at him, as though slowly awakening from a deep sleep. “Geralt… you saved me.”

But he wasn’t fast enough. “Still.”

Slowly, Jaskier shakes his head. His legs relax in the water, fully submerging, and he sinks up to his chest. Finally, finally, he’s no longer trembling. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

It’s not what Geralt deserves, but this day has given Jaskier nothing he deserves either — not a near-death in a frozen lake, not the clumsy care of a brute who has no idea what he’s doing. This bath is the first nice thing to happen to him all day… and suddenly, Geralt is determined that Jaskier shall enjoy it.

Reaching in, he cups a palm full of water, and releases it over one pale, bare shoulder. Unwillingly, Jaskier lets out a gasp. Steam rises and quickly evaporated off of the chilled skin, but the mere touch of water is enough to make Jaskier want more. He quickly sinks down, submerging himself up to his chin. Geralt watches carefully, intently, just in case.

He will not be too slow to save Jaskier this time.

After a long moment, the bard shifts in the water and says, in a small voice, “Thank you.”

Geralt has no idea what he’s being thanked for; he simply huffs and turns his head, looking away.

#the witcher #jaskier #whump #Anonymous

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trashmenofmarvel · 5 years ago

Text

In the Quiet, You Will Find Me (Pt. 2)

Pairing: CEO!Sebastian Stan x Reader

Summary: The worst snowstorm to hit New York in a decade leads you to be trapped in your cramped apartment with your boss.

No problem, right?

(For @marvelfulxbabes ‘s Writing Challenge! Oh my God, I’m so so sorry I’m late!)

Song Prompt: Dynasty by MIIA

Warnings: Explicit sex scenes, misunderstandings, angst w/ a happy ending

AO3

Part 1

You refused to let the tears flow today. You didn’t want them to flow while you were packing. While you were picking up your old life and depositing it into neat, tidy boxes, storing it away to be later revealed in a new, strange place.

You wouldn’t let them fall, because if you did, that meant you were thinking about him.

Christmas evening had been more than magical, it had been perfect. Sebastian had been true to his word, testing how many times he could make your toes curl as your body thrummed like an electric wire.

In between those moments, made sweeter by his earnestness, you had shown him your drawings. Landscapes of the city, vast and expansive, while others were myopic snapshots of little moments captured in the course of the day. Strangers walking by, consumed in their own worlds but no less interesting because of it, scarves wrapped around their mouths and throats to give them a mysterious appeal.

Your personal favorites were of the animals that somehow survived in the sometimes merciless metropolis. Wary, hardened street cats, aggressively cooing pigeons seeking forgotten morsels, and the ducks and geese in Central Park during the summer when the lakes were unfrozen.

You thought they were childish and silly. Sebastian had thought they were riveting.

Something wet and warm on your face; you already knew what it was from the burning of your eyes. You eradicated the tears with a frustrated swipe and went back to packing up the evidence of your meager life.

When your aching back and rumbling stomach forced you to take a break, you checked your phone out of habit, forgetting you had turned it off. You stared at the dead device in your hand, chewing on your lip as you deliberated. With a press of your finger, you brought it to life.

Twenty-two unread texts. A similar amount of missed phone calls, along with a handful of voicemail messages. Many of them were from Monica, but most of them were from Sebastian.

Like a person possessed, you couldn’t stop your actions as you opened the messages and scrolled through some of them.

Monica: Are you sure about this hun??? Even tho you signed the NDA and gave your notice, you can change your mind. I’ll make it work.

Monica: Hope you’re doing ok. I’m worried about you. Did something happen?? I feel like I never should have asked you to pick him up.

Her last two messages were sent a day later, the anger blazing through the letters.

Monica: I know you wouldn’t quit without a reason. What did he do.

Monica: Please tell me what he did. Forget HR and the company lawyers, we’ll go to another firm. Whatever he did, he’s not getting away with it.

These last texts sent you into a panic, and you broke your communication hiatus to send back a few quick texts.

He didn’t do anything. Promise. I’m just ready for something new. Thank you for worrying about me but I’m fine.

It didn’t sound as convincing as you’d hoped, but you didn’t have the energy to put on a convincing act. At least this way, you hoped she wouldn’t sic a team of lawyers after someone who didn’t deserve it.

And he didn’t deserve it. You could see that from the very last message he had sent.

S. Stan: Please, say something.

You clicked off the screen with a shaky press of your thumb and set the phone down, out of sight and out of mind. You had hours left of packing to do, planning to fill up the rest of your New Year’s Eve with packing and storing. You deserved a respite from the man whose face occupied your thoughts and tormented your sleep.

Even now, as you tried to focus on frying a grilled cheese sandwich on the stove, your thoughts strayed to that magically snowy night trapped in your apartment and the following Christmas morning. Your chest tightened as you remembered how perfect he had looked, standing right where you stood now and cooking breakfast for you both. As easily as if he belonged there. Afterwards, you had cuddled on the couch under the blanket, as if you did it every morning after breakfast.

On the drive back to his building—after he had called to confirm the power was back on—the vestiges of unease had crawled up your spine. You’d shaken it off, figuring it was nothing more than your usual paranoia and low self-esteem. Outside of your apartment, away from the timeless bubble the two of you had created, reality had crept back in, as had your doubts.

You had pushed it away—how could you not, with Sebastian sitting right next to you, the warmth in his eyes and the softness of his smile chasing away all your fears?

After you had pulled up to his building, he had turned to you, the light in his eyes dimming as he fixed you with a serious stare, reciting the words that had sent you on your current tumultuous course.

“We can talk about this later. Okay?”

The smile had been frozen on your face as your thoughts had ground to a halt.

Sebastian hadn’t seemed to notice, and he leaned forward to press his lips to your temple, and with a quick exit into the frigid world outside, he was gone. That perfect moment had been shattered into a thousand fractal pieces.

We can talk about this later. Okay?

You weren’t an idiot. You had done the unthinkable, slept with your boss like a cringey cliché, and now he regretted his actions. There was no pleasant vodka buzz to gloss over the fact you were, in fact, two people from very different stratospheres.

And now, it was time for the “talk.” No, you weren’t an idiot at all; you knew exactly what that meant. If anyone caught wind of what had happened, it would be all over the media in a shitstorm of bad PR and ugly accusations. You saw stories about it all the time, men in power taking advantage of the women who worked under them.

It didn’t matter that that’s not what happened, it was how the situation would be perceived. Sebastian’s reputation would take a hit. Even if he weathered the storm with nothing more than a little smudge on his name, your career in New York was over. You would be shamed, blacklisted, and pegged as a duplicitous woman that would sleep her way to the top.

All of these truths had crashed down on your as you’d driven back to your apartment, your vision becoming so blurred you’d had to pull over to get yourself under control. It was then you had decided there was only one thing to do, to save both Sebastian’s reputation and your chances of ever becoming a paid artist in the city.

You had to quit, and so… you had. Quietly, without fanfare, you gave your notice from your laptop, never stepping foot out of your apartment and taking the chance of seeing his face at the office. You had known what you had to do but running into Sebastian would have shattered your resolve and further broken your heart.

You stared at the sizzling grease in the frying pan, your stomach turning, as it had so frequently done the past week. You knew how it would go, could already hear the conversation in your head.

That night was fun, really fun, but I could get in trouble. People might get the wrong idea if this gets out. You don’t want that, do you? This is better, for both of us, if you find a new place of employment. And, hey, I can give you a great recommendation…

Your stomach gave another rebellious heave. You flicked off the burner and roughly dumped the pan into the sink, biting your lip hard, but it didn’t matter; the hiccupping sob escaped, anyway.

I hate him, you told yourself. Tried to convince yourself you believed it. It didn’t work, and you wished it did. Maybe it would hurt less if you could hate him.

Lunch abandoned in the sink, you turned back to the shattered pieces of your life, and continued to pack them away.

***

You sat on the floor, back against the wall, and stared morosely at your phone; your TV and couch had both been put into storage, so you had to make due as you watched Times Square live. The glittering ball hung poised in the air, even if it was a whole hour until it would drop and the New Year would be rung in with the sound of cheers, music, and sappy moments captured on camera between enthusiastically groping couples.

Ugh.

The only thing left to complete your night of misery and self-pity was a bottle of rosé that sat untouched on the floor in front of you. You’d forgone a glass, planning to drink the damned thing straight from the source.

You hadn’t. You hadn’t had a drink since that night. Every time your eyes wandered to the bottle, you remembered the warmth spreading through your chest as Sebastian smiled at you, teasing you with those bright eyes and plump, curled lips.

With an abruptness that left your head spinning, you grabbed the neck of the bottle and launched to your feet, sped across the living room, and shoved the bottle into an open box.

The resounding knock on your door startled you so bad you nearly tripped over the box you had just closed.

The fuck? Who would be knocking on your door on the cusp of the New Year? You’d already tidied everything away with the leasing office, you hadn’t ordered in for days, and you had never been social enough to make friends with your neighbors.

You couldn’t guess who was on your doorstep, and yet, as you approached and reached out for the door handle, your heart was beating a panicked rhythm in your chest.

You pulled down, opened the door… and couldn’t breathe.

Despite the late hour and the brutally cold conditions outside, he looked as fashionably kempt as ever. Dark hair swept back into a ponytail at the base of his neck, a grey cap on his head, and the dark winter ensemble making him look like he could have just stepped off the set of a magazine shoot.

The widened, puppy-dog expression only made the entire thing that more endearing, and after the initial shock of seeing Sebastian on your threshold wore off, you felt the first hints of anger.

“I tried calling,” were the first words to tumble out of his mouth, the rest following like spilled water. “Texted, too. I didn’t want to bother you, Monica already snapped at me for pestering her, but I can’t—why?” he blurted, interrupting himself. “Why did you quit?”

Before you could swallow to speak past the tight pain in your throat, his eyes wandered over your shoulder and widened.

“Are those… moving boxes?” His voice was faint and smaller than you’d ever heard it before.

The anger rose higher in your chest, fanned by the stinging of your eyes. Your fists clenched at your side as you struggled to breathe. It wasn’t fair. Why was he here? Doing this now when you had been so close to finally letting him go?

Your silence hadn’t escaped him, and when his blue eyes descended back on your face, they were glassy and red-rimmed.

“What’s going on?” he asked in that same soft, shattered tone, and fuck, it was killing you to hear him sound that way, even now.

“Sebastian,” you implored in a hollow, lifeless voice that didn’t sound like you at all. “Please don’t make this any harder than it has to be.”

“Make what harder?” He searched your face, desperate and pleading with his words. “I don’t understand. Did something happen?”

You looked away, unable to meet his eye when he was looking at you as if his whole world was crumbling. Why was he doing this to you? Acting as if you were the one who had ended this before it could ever truly start?

“Can…” He swallowed hard enough for you to hear it, the strain in his voice palpable. “Can I come in? Please?”

No, you wanted to say, even as your heart declared the opposite. Already, you could feel yourself caving, finding an excuse to let him in, telling yourself that it wouldn’t look good to the neighbors to argue in the hallway. If someone recognized him…

You moved aside, keeping your back against the door as you gave him silent passage. With shoulders hunched and brows creased, hesitant as if stepping into hostile territory, he moved past you across the threshold. He didn’t pause until he was in the living room, his eyes heartbreakingly wide as he took in the full extent of your mostly-empty apartment.

You closed the door so softly the lock didn’t make a sound, and you remained with your back to the wood, a hand curled around the handle as if in reminder that you had an escape route right there if you needed to take it.

Waiting for him to speak, you kept your eyes to the floor. It hurt too much to look at his face and the confused, fallen expression you had glimpsed there.

“I don’t understand.” His voice was quiet but the hurt in it was louder than a shout. You flinched as if he had. “Did I… do something?”

A ruffling noise drew your eyes upward to catch him running a gloved hand through his hair, the ponytail at the nape of his neck already loosening from its tie.

“Of course—of course I did something,” he answered his own question, dazed as his blue eyes finally met yours. “It was me, right? The reason you quit. I did something wrong, I fucked it all up. Please, just…”

He took several steps toward you. Your spine straightened and you pressed your back instinctually against the door. Sebastian stopped in his tracks, his wounded puppy-dog expression so plaintive it panged deep in your chest.

He spread his gloved hands, slowly as if not to spook you. “Tell me what it was. Tell me, so I can fix it. Please.”

Something thin and fragile snapped inside you, and you said the words, small and broken, before you could stop.

“You were going to ask me to leave.”

His lips parted, his eyes widening.

“I—what?”

You took a breath, shaky and not filled with enough air.

“You were going to tell me to leave. To quit.” Your voice was shaking but you continued on regardless. “That’s what you—you wanted to talk about, right? To get me to quit.”

He released a small, confused noise and said, “Well… yes.”

The pain hit you harder than expected, stabbing into your chest like a thin spear of jagged ice. You thought you had been prepared to hear the truth, and now you wished you could take it back, feeling if he said anything else you would simply die on the spot.

Sebastian continued speaking, apparently unaware that he had taken your heart, thrown it onto the ground and carelessly stomped on it.

“I was going to ask you to quit so that I could hire you as an independent contractor.”

Now it was your muscles that went lax and your mouth that partially opened in blatant confusion.

“You…what?”

He shuffled his feet, his fingers now fidgeting in front of him as he met your eye with a nervousness you’d never seen around the office.

“Mackie is always going on about how I need to allocate my workload better. That I take on too much and don’t ‘outsource’ the help I need. He’s right, the guy is right about damn near everything.” He gave a self-deprecating huff and a wince in response at the mention of his business partner. You’d always liked Mr. Mackie, and from what you’d seen of Sebastian’s work schedule, you knew he was right about being overworked.

But that still didn’t explain—

“I’ve wanted to do a new toy line for a while now, something with plushy animals, it’s always been popular with young kids. But I put it off because I haven’t had the time, and I didn’t trust anyone else with something as important as visual concepts, and then, when I saw your drawings…”

Sebastian gave a helpless shrug, his eyes pleading as they sought out yours. When you said nothing, because your brain was no longer functioning, he bit his lip and took a step closer.

“I… I was intrigued. I asked Monica for the paperwork you submitted on hiring—not the personal stuff, just your art portfolio. I don’t know why I hadn’t seen it before, I’m such an idiot for missing it, but it’s… I mean. It’s exactly what I’ve been looking for.”

He stared at you, for so long and so sincerely, that you forced your lips to move and form the only words you could think of.

“You… wanted to hire me… to draw animals?”

Sebastian blinked and his lips formed into a painful smile that might have been silly but endearing if the circumstances had been something else.

“Yes?”

His confirmation did absolutely nothing to clear the heavy fog in your head. Nor did it slow the dull thudding of your racing heart.

“I don’t… understand,” you finally said. Or more accurately, squeezed out in a quiet, strained breath. “I thought you…”

Sebastian took another step; he was in front of you now, the heat radiating off him seemed unreasonable for one person to emit.

“You thought what?” he asked, searching your eyes. “That I regretted it? That I changed my mind?”

“Well,” you stammered out, your voice gaining some strength. “Well, yeah, of course I did. We… we were drinking, and you’re you, and I’m me, and why would you ever want me? Why would you risk your career, the company you built, just for one night on a ratty old couch in a, in a cramped, run-down apartment, with a woman who had been nothing but cold to you for years—“

Sebastian moved forward the last few inches, faster than you were prepared for, and crowded you against the door. Before you could speak his lips were on yours, hot and insistent. His hands gripped your waist tightly, pushing you against the wood as you gasped against him.

He pulled away only far enough to look down into your face, eyes clear with worry.

“Uh. Shit. That’s not how—I shouldn’t have done that, this isn’t why I came over—“

You surged forward, smothering his apologies with another kiss. You grabbed the front of his coat, gripping your fingers tightly around the lapels as your mouth opened to his, begging or inviting, you didn’t know, but he responded immediately, his tongue licking into your mouth as his hands crushed you against the hard planes of his body.

You decided he was wearing too much clothing, and he must have realized the same thing; he pulled off his coat and jacket, clumsily as he refused to stop kissing you for even a moment. You had better luck, unzipping your jeans and shoving them down your hips, regrettably breaking contact from his lips as you hastily pulled them off your legs.

When you straightened up, Sebastian’s hands were immediately gripping your ass and he pulled you off your feet, forcing you to wrap your legs around his waist in a movement that left you clinging to his shoulders for dear life. You caught a glimpse of his impish grin before his lips were back on yours, barely letting you catch your breath.

He was like a man dying of thirst and you were his desert-bound oasis.

Somehow, with his lips hot on yours and not looking where he was going, he made it to your bedroom. He may have bumped into a wall or two on the way, but neither of you had been paying enough attention to care, your fingers plunged into his hair and his hands still firmly gripping your ass.

You belatedly remembered the mattress and bedframe had been taken to the moving van earlier that day, leaving only the flat sleeping mat you had replaced it with. Breaking away from his lips with regret, you sputtered, “Wait, the bed’s gone.”

“Uh-huh,” was his only response and the only piece of warning you got before you were tipping backwards. You tightened your grip around his neck and gave a frightened yelp, but he merely laughed as he lowered you both down onto the mat. You could feel every muscle straining under his dress shirt and dark slacks, carrying you both with ease, and the sheer strength of him lit something deep within your belly.

As soon as you were flat on your back, you tugged at his shirt impatiently, fingers fumbling with the buttons as you cursed the fact he wasn’t already naked. And Sebastian was not helping you at all; he leaned down and captured your lips again, forcing you flat against the mat with more strength than you could hope to match. Your protests turned into muffled moans as he pushed his hips between your knees, your legs automatically wrapping around his waist as he pressed his weight on top of you.

Giving up on unbuttoning his shirt, you reached down and tugged up your own, forcing your lips apart as you pulled it over your head.

Not to be outdone, Sebastian lowered his face to your neck, kissing and sucking on the sensitive skin. Within seconds you were writhing, almost completely naked underneath him while he was still mostly clothed. It was entirely unfair and ridiculously hot, the feel of his expensive, tailored clothing brushing against your heated skin.

He ran his fingers down your bare sides, sending sparks and shivers down your spine as his hand continued its journey over your hip and down your pelvis. He slipped under the waistband of your underwear, mouthing at your collarbone as he twisted and curled his fingers around, dipping them between your folds.

He groaned and uttered a quick, “Jesus,” as he felt how incredibly wet you were before he’d even truly begun.

“Sebastian,” you breathed out, half in need and half in frustration, grinding your hips against his hand as he began to rub circles around your nub. “Stop teasing.”

“Teasing?” he mumbled into your skin, never moving his lips from the column of your throat. “Some people call it foreplay.”

“Yeah, I know, but—“ You cut off your own words with a shiver, biting down on your lip as you tried not to cry out at the sparks he was igniting in your lower abdomen. “I want… you. Just you. Right now.”

His lips stilled immediately and he pulled back to look down into your face. Whatever he saw there darkened his gaze and tightened his hold on your waist.

Without a word, Sebastian leaned back and began to unbutton his shirt, fingers expertly working open the clasps and revealing his skin inch by inch. He wasn’t slow about it but it still felt like a tantalizing show, one just for you and no one else.

He slipped the open shirt over his shoulders and pulled off the undershirt, yanking it off in one smooth motion. The lights of the city reflecting off the low-hanging clouds shone through your windows, bathing his body in a faint glow, the divots and curves of his muscles thrown into soft relief.

All you could do was stare and try to remember to breathe, made harder as he reached down and unbuckled his belt. He pushed his pants down over his hips, the sight of his cock straining against his dark boxer-briefs a lovely image you wished you could commit to memory. Or better yet, replicate with graphite and ink.

Despite the fact you were both mostly naked and his fingers had been inside you a second ago, that was the thing that flushed your skin with heat. You averted your eyes to his navel, but the sight of his firm and defined abs did nothing to clear the filthy thoughts from your head.

“You’re very cute when you do that,” he said with a lopsided smirk, half-leaning over you now as he tugged off his pants.

“What?” you asked, tone absent and distracted as you caught sight of his long, muscled thighs from between your legs. You had to clench your jaw not to make an obscene noise at the sight.

“When you get flustered,” he said, amused.

“I’m not—“

Sebastian suddenly pressed his weight on top of you, nearly covering you with his warmth, and your brain short-circuited at the abrupt contact of so much skin. Your thighs, your stomach, your chest, everywhere you were touching him your skin tingled and warmed.

Sebastian smirked down at you, knowing exactly what he was doing. He opened his mouth, probably to tease you some more, but you never gave him the chance. Capturing his lips in a hard, frantic kiss, you clutched the side of his head in your hands as you squeezed with your thighs.

Moaning against your mouth, he kissed back just as firmly, tasting you on his tongue as his hands roamed down your hips. With a quick motion, he pulled your underwear down your hips, and you grabbed them to yank them off the rest of the way. Sebastian did the same to his own pair, and before you could stop yourself, you tilted your hips upwards and dragged your slit along his shaft.

His breath caught in his throat and his fingertips digging painfully into your thighs, but he didn’t stop you as you rubbed against him, shamefully needful. You wouldn’t let him pull far enough away so he could reach down and line up with your entrance; you simply continued to grind against him to the point he had to take matters into his own hands.

Sebastian gripped your hips and held you down against the mat, breaking the kiss with a shudder as he leaned his forehead against yours.

“F—fuck, you can’t keep doing that or I’m gonna come.”

“Then come,” you responded roughly. “That’s not gonna stop me from getting off on you.”

With a delicious noise that was halfway between a moan and a growl, Sebastian pulled his hips back, lined the head of his cock against your entrance, and pushed. Hard.

If you hadn’t been as wet as you were it would have hurt, but as it was, the potential pain was translated into electrifying pleasure. Your neck pulled into an arch as you cried out, your fingers digging into the muscled planes of his back.

“Oh, fuck,” he gasped out. “Jesus, give me a… give me a minute.”

“Told you.” Your voice sounded slurred, almost drugged as you grazed your lips against his hair. “Come if you have to, I’m not… gonna stop.”

“God,” he said, laughing quietly against your neck. “You are…”

You never got to find out what you were, because his lips were back on your skin again, trailing up your jaw and back to your mouth. Kissing Sebastian was almost like having sex with him to begin with, the way his lips and tongue slowly unraveled you and left you pliant and breathless.

Never breaking away from your lips, Sebastian slid out a few inches and pushed back in, sending a spark of tightening pleasure through your pelvis. He swallowed up your whine, seemed to savor it as he did it again, harder, the second time.

You had to break away from the kiss, gasping for air, and Sebastian took advantage of the moment to nip and suck against your jaw as he began to set an unrelenting pace. Each pump of his hips, every movement of his cock sliding deep within your walls, you grew that much closer to the release you craved.

And yet… you wanted to put it off as long as possible. You never wanted this moment to end, even now afraid you would wake up and it would be a dream. Reveling in his skin sliding against yours, breathing in his scent, hearing the small, breathless noises he was making as he held you close—it was all that mattered. He was your entire world, and in that moment, you didn’t doubt that you were his.

The pressure was building in your abdomen faster than you could stop it. Your grip tightened on his shoulders, your voice tightly coiled as you moaned, “Sebastian, I’m going to, God, I’m going to—“

His answer came in the form of heated kisses along your neck, lips murmuring against your skin. “Come for me.”

As if on command, the pressure burst without you, blooming into petals of bright ecstasy as you cried out, throbbing hot around his cock.

His rhythm faltered and his hips thrust against yours one last time. He held his arms around you tightly, long fingers gripping your hair as he moaned your name like a desperate prayer. His cock throbbed deep inside you and you shivered from the slight aftershocks of your own orgasm.

Laden with the pure bliss of your afterglow, you gently held his head in your hands and kissed up his chin to his mouth. His lips curled against your mouth, a smile you couldn’t see but could feel, and the warmth in your chest was too much for any one person to experience.

You didn’t know it could feel this way, and now that you had, what were you supposed to do now? Sebastian Stan had officially ruined you. With his fingers cradling your hair and his weight centered between your legs, you found you didn’t mind the idea.

The sudden emptiness of Sebastian pulling out and lifting his weight from your body dimmed some of the afterglow, but it brightened again when he returned with a damp washcloth. He kneeled next to you, giving you a spectacular view of his glistening skin, kissed your forehead and mumbled, “It’s a good thing you didn’t pack all the towels away. Speaking of…”

You blushed, both in mortifying embarrassment of your huge earlier misunderstanding and by the feel of him slowly and gently wiping up the mess between your thighs.

“Yeah?” you asked in an unsteady croak. The sound brought a warm smile to his lips and there was an impish gleam in his eyes.

“Where is all of your stuff? Put away in storage or moved to a new apartment?” His brows furrowed, as if something had just dawned on him. “Wait… The quitting thing, I get, but why the moving?”

You bit your lip in reluctance, knowing how extreme your answer would seem now that you knew the truth.

“I uh… Well. Some of it is in storage, the rest I sent… back home.”

He stopped wiping at your legs, staring down at you as if you’d spoken an alien language.

“You’re leaving the city?” His voice slightly cracked with the strain of his question. You could see it in his eyes too, the realization that you had planned on leaving without saying goodbye, and the pain of that knowledge was plain on his face.

“I was,” you responded, wincing. “Because I thought… I thought you wanted me to quit, so no one would find out what we did, and I took it a step further. I figured, you know…”

“You thought I would want you to leave the city?” he asked, incredulous. You looked down, unable to meet his eye in your shame.

“I don’t know. Maybe? Either way, I thought I would go somewhere else, start fresh.” That had been your intention anyway, even though you’d had zero interest in picking up your life and moving on. You had still been in the grief stage of trying to let Sebastian go, and yeah, you hadn’t been thinking clearly.

Despite all of that, Sebastian didn’t look at you with judgement or anger. Going by the crease of his brows and the tight frown on his lips, he was more upset and saddened than anything.

“I’m sorry.” He took your hand in his, intertwining his fingers through yours as he raised it to his mouth and kissed your knuckles. “Really sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I was so excited about offering you the contract that I didn’t think… I wanted it to be a surprise, so I didn’t tell you right away, either. God, I’m such an idiot.”

Your eyebrows rose in disbelief. He was apologizing to you?

“No, Sebastian, I’m sorry.” You chewed on your lips, trying to find the right words to say, to explain how you felt, but the words just wouldn’t come.

Seeming to understand you needed a moment, Sebastian settled down next to you, and finding your blanket tossed to the side he pulled it over the both of you. His close body heat was an immediate comfort and helped melt away the tension in your muscles.

You moved closer to him without consciously doing so, drawn to him like a moth to flame.

“I’m going to be honest,” you said, tracing your thumb over his knuckles. He gave you a solemn nod to continue. “Someone like you? They don’t end up with someone like me.”

Already he opened his mouth to protest, and you plunged forward before he could interrupt.

“It’s true, all right? That’s just the way things are. I’ve accepted it. Or I did, until that night. So I thought, when you wanted to talk… I mean, I thought you had regretted the whole thing after sobering up. And I wouldn’t have blamed you, really. It hurt, yeah, it hurt a lot, but… I just told myself to stop being delusional. That you didn’t owe me anything after a night of sex.”

He spoke your name, softly and filled with emotion, but you weren’t done yet and had to keep going before you lost your nerve.

“And then it turns out that’s not the case at all, that you really are a great guy, and it just proves the fact that I’m not good enough for you. It’s only been a week and look at what I did. I fully intended to run away because of a simple misunderstanding.”

Your eyes burned as your vision blurred, throat tightening up with the pain that settled deep in your chest, and you said, “Why would you want to be with someone like that? I’m a mess.”

Sebastian didn’t speak for a moment. He looked over your face in a slow way that was almost unsettling, his gaze so heavy you struggled not to squirm. Finally, he gently pushed a strand of hair behind your ear and his expression lightened.

“You know more about me than most people,” he said. “And not just because it was your job to know these things. I showed you parts of me no one gets to see. You know for a fact, as Monica and Mackie can confirm, I am also a mess. Do you think well-adjusted people have nowhere to go on Christmas Eve, to the point where they have to have an employee come rescue them in the middle of a snowstorm?”

You snorted and immediately covered your mouth, horrified, but Sebastian only gave a self-deprecating grin. After a moment, his expression grew more serious.

“This job, this contract, I want you to have it no matter what. No strings attached. It doesn’t matter if… if you want to be with me or not. This isn’t a quid pro quo situation. You are a talented artist, and I could really use the help.��

He licked his lips and swallowed hard enough for you to see his Adam’s apple move.

“That being said… if you did want to pursue a relationship…”

You recognized the unsteadiness of his tone as nervousness, his eyes wider than usual as he looked down into your face.

“…you would be free to do so. If that’s something you wanted.”

The serious apprehension on his face, coupled by his almost formal tone made you think of a business proposal. You knew that wasn’t what it was, he had just said as much, but it was sort of fascinating to see him take this as seriously as he would if it was a company matter.

You pretended to think for a moment, the tip of your tongue pressing against your upper lip. His eyes followed the movement, and you didn’t miss the way his nostrils flared as he watched you.

“Will the pay be better than my last job?” you asked, deadpan. He blinked, lips slightly parted in surprise. You added, “Just… curious. I could barely afford this place to begin with, and now I gotta find a new apartment. And with rent always going up in this city… plus you have to factor in all of the art supplies I’m gonna need—“

Not for the first time that evening, and probably not the last, your words were swallowed by Sebastian’s urgent kisses, his lips desperate on yours as if it was the last time he would taste them.

You moaned and wrapped your arms around him, happily sighing as he moved his chest on top of you, pushing you down into the mat.

“Is that a yes?” he mumbled against your lips, barely letting you up for air let alone to give a proper answer. You hummed and squeezed him tighter, letting your body convey all the assurances he needed.

It felt as if you were saying ‘yes’ to much more than a new job. You were opening the way for a new life, one that included a man you had thought would want no part of it.

There was no friction, no difficulty or unnatural feeling with returning to his arms, not once you’d opened your heart to him again. Like Pandora’s box, there was no closing the lid, but you sensed that Sebastian knew that. He already knew how fragile you were despite your rough exterior, or maybe because of it.

It was scary as hell to let someone in, letting them get close enough to hold your heart in the palm of their hand. But if there was anyone who would be gentle and kind with your heart, who would treasure and protect it like a precious thing…

“So,” he asked, somewhat breathless as he finally released your lips, his eyes bright with a warmth that felt like coming home. “I take it you’re going to need a place to stay until you find a new apartment. I happen to have a very large, very expensive couch that’s currently unoccupied. Apparently, it’s so good Mackie can’t shut up about it. Would you… like to break it in?”

…it was him.

#rpf #real person fiction #marvelfulxbabeswritingchallenge #marvelfulxbabes #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #ceo!sebastian stan #ceo sebastian stan #ceo seb x reader #my writing #my fanfiction

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dragonrajafanfiction · 4 years ago

Note

For this lil thing💅

“The city looks different at night.” or “Oh you poor soul, wandering lost in the forest under the new moon…” whitch ever you're more comfortable with🤩

“A camping trip?” Lu Mingfei couldn’t believe his ears. It was hardly something that he expected to come up in the freezing cold of Chicago winter. Even sitting down and eating in the cafeteria, he could hear the wind whistling through the gaps in the doors so clearly, he shivered in spite of himself. “Have you completely lost it?”

Chu Zihang simply held up a travel magazine and pointed to the brilliant photo of the northern lights strafing across the sky. “I’ve always wanted to see the Aurora Borealis. I have an assignment there anyway. You won’t have to worry about that, though.”

“Oh really?” Doubt filled his face. Whenever his ‘senior brother’ was involved, there was always death, danger, mayhem and a lifetime’s worth of trauma.

He nodded once. “It’s not even an A ranked mission.”

Lu Mingfei sighed. But then he turned and looked at him again.

He remembered that Chu Zihang was always alone. He never asked to do things with other people. And yet, they had managed to become easy friends over the years. He didn’t have that relationship with any others.

Zihang was asking him to go with him because he didn’t have anyone else to ask.

“Fine. But you promise I won’t end up at the bottom of some hellhole fighting for my life?”

“The likelihood of that is slim.”

“But it’s not zero?”

“You want a guarantee?” Zihang nodded once and turned back to his meal. “No matter what, I promise I won’t call you if there’s danger.”

Lu Mingfei’s heart suddenly leaped into his throat. But it was too late to go back now.

That weekend they packed up and were on a plane to Alaska. They sat next to each other on the long flight.

“So… what’s so special about the Aurora that makes you want to go see it so bad?”

Chu Zihang gazed out the window at the mounds of white clouds outside. He had his contacts in and a simple cap, looking just like a normal tourist. “Legend has it that if you see the Aurora, your wish for true love will come true.”

“Say what.” Lu Mingfei rounded on him. “Is that what you want? A wish for true love?”

Chu Zihang turned and looked at him directly. “No. It’s for you.”

Lu Mingfei groaned so loudly other passengers turned to look. Zihang’s gaze followed his hanging head. “Dude… you’re killing me right now. True murder with words. Is my situation so hopeless that we have to resort to superstitions?”

“Many superstitions are rooted in the truth about dragons. I’ve done my research about this place. There was an assignment nearby. We’re to search and look for dragonblood species in the area.” He reached into his pack and pulled out a laminated map, while Lu Mingfei looked at him, pleading for mercy.

But no mercy would be given. Pointing to the map, he explained. “There’s an extinct volcano nearby that showed elemental activity of a strange type. EVA wanted to assign others there for a simple survey but I thought of this as an opportunity.”

“Thank you for thinking of me.” Lu Mingfei moaned, helpless.

“You’re welcome.”

The world at the campsite was completely frozen. The soil stayed frozen as a layer of permafrost, on top of that, layers of snow had frozen and refrozen until the landscape was nothing but flat-white. The wind picked up fine icy particles and blew them about like sand on the worst beach. Mingfei inwardly cursed his brother’s care and generosity as he trudged across the forsaken landscape.

Mingfei was the one who was lonely. But he was not so desperately lonely that he wanted to be here. Why did Chu Zihang wish so badly for him to find a girl? Of course, if the scheme worked, he wouldn’t be ungrateful.

“This is the site.” Chu Zihang had stopped in the shelter of a boulder the size of a house that faced a dark forest of snow covered pine. It was adequate shelter from the wind and he began to set up camp. “As I said before,” He explained once the tent was set up. “You don’t have to do anything while I work.”

“Oh sure… I’ll just lay here and think of my dream girl while staring up and waiting for the aurora.”

Chu Zihang nodded once and shouldered a large pack and his sword case. His boots crunching in the snow started to grow distant and Lu Mingfei suddenly sat up from his sleeping bag. “What about bears? Or wolves?!” He shouted.

Zihang didn’t even look back, disappearing into the woods. “There’s a gun in your tent. Just shoot them, you’re good at that.”

Hunting for dragonblood subspecies wasn’t exactly difficult. Anyone with high enough dragonblood naturally attracted them. Chu Zihang set down his pack and the long satchel that held his sword. He drew the silver blade across his arm and held it out, letting the crimson liquid trickle down, spattering into the snow. Then he took a bandage, wrapped it and walked a distance away to wait.

He wrapped his face in a thick wool cover to hide his breath and melded into the deep silence of the tundra woods. He closed his eyes to listen for any sign of movement. He concentrated deeply on every sense until he noticed a small sound. When he opened his eyes, he saw what appeared to be the shadow of a deer, standing over the blood.

It was a stag with a crown of majestic antlers arcing over its head. It lowered its head down, sniffed at the blood-stained snow, and then slipped out a tongue to lick it.

Every muscle in Chu Zihang’s body was like a coiled spring. His eyes calculated the distance between himself and his prey. He could span it in an instant. He just needed a moment for the deer to turn around, get distracted by something.

“Oh you poor soul, wandering lost in the forest under the new moon…”

The voice was like an arrow through his brain that shot down his spine like lightning and he gasped despite himself. Still, he didn’t move. He couldn’t. He felt frozen. The voice was there as though she were standing right in front of him.

But it was the deer who turned its head and looked at him before snorting as though laughing and trotting away.

Chu Zihang stood and moved to where the creature had been. It was still within view, a distance away, looking at him from between the trees. It’s eyes glowed red before bounding away, leaving her laughter in its wake.

Chu Zihang took off after it, desperation quickening his breath. He couldn’t see it. Where was it? Where?

The ground suddenly disappeared out from under him. He spun in mid air and grasped the edge of the drop off with one hand. Below him, the snow dislodged by his boots fell into the dark water of a lake.

Despite the frigid temperature, the lake was unfrozen, a testament to the geothermal heat below. The lake was completely glassy and like a mirror reflected the mountains, the tree and the starry sky in a perfect image.

Far below, the deer stared back at him from the surface of the water before turning and walking away -- walking down into the water -- without leaving so much as a ripple.

At that moment, the surface of the lake burst into bright colors. It was an Aurora, but it was not reflected in the sky. No, it wasn’t a lake. It was another sky. It was a Nibelungen!

Chu Zihang let go of the cliff he was clinging to and plummeted towards the surface below. He fell through the lake but never got wet, instead, coming through on the other side into a swirl of color. The colors then retracted, fading into the distance. He was suspended, right side up in complete darkness as though he had stepped off the edge of the world.

There, waiting for him, was not a deer, but a familiar set of black hair and black eyes. He hadn’t seen them in a long time. The memory gave him pause but in the next instant his emotion drove her name from his lips.

“Xia Mi?”

That laugh, music to his ears, echoed like running water in a cave. “You’re still calling me by that name? Did you get stupid while I was gone?”

“How…? You… were…”

“Dead?” She finished the sentence for him. “It’s weird. I don't know how I ended up here either. My brother… he’s dead… I… I can’t find him.” Her eyes lowered.

She stood before him, completely naked, her hair so long it fell like dark fabric on the invisible surface they stood on. Stars gittered beneath their feet. The Aurora danced in the background like green tongues of fire. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

She raised her eyes. “Can we start over? Like we did before?” She reached out to him but he leaned away from her. “Don’t worry. I won’t erase your memory again. I don’t want to.”

“Without your brother, you can’t turn into Hela....” Zihang began but then he stopped speaking abruptly.

“But that doesn’t change who I am. Is that what you want to say?” She lowered her hand to her side. “Is there really no way?”

Zihang stared at her, remembering the last time he saw her, just like this, right before she raised her claws to plunge them into his heart. If she drew close, would it happen again? This time he didn’t have Anjou’s dagger to save him. But salvation was never his aim anyway. He couldn’t let her become Hela, but he remembered the feeling that his own death would be okay. Even as her spines pierced his body, he never let her go.

He was okay with dying with her then. Ever since then, her memory had haunted him. As he looked at her now, he wondered if it had been her calling for him all along. But he couldn’t die now. Lu Mingfei was out in the snow alone.

As the silence wore on, Xia Mi’s eyes glittered with intense sadness. She seemed on the verge of tears, a sob escaping her throat. She covered her face with her hands for a moment. Then, she gathered herself, taking a few breaths. “Do you want me to apologize? What do you want me to say? You understood me when I talked to you. I didn’t want to… I didn’t want it to happen that way! I tried to stop you! But you’re just too… stubborn and smart and…” She hung her head and laughed, her dark hair falling like a thin veil.

“Fine… I finally found you and you refuse. It’s just like I said right?” She raised one hand and flipped her hair out of her face. “Just because a guy goes out of his way for a girl doesn’t mean she has to accept.”

A bright light suddenly illuminated her face and the tears tracking down them. Zihang turned to look at a bright square of light that appeared like a gate behind him. “Go on then. Go. Don’t think about me any more.”

Chu Zihang turned back to her.

“Did I stutter or something?” She wiped her face with the back of her arm. “Stop staring at me like a dumb cow and go! It’s not like you’ve never seen a girl cry before.”

Zihang shook his head slowly and walked forward.

She snorted. “What? Are you changing your mind? Or are you going to kill me again?” She grinned through her tears as he grew closer. “Fine… fine… it’s better to be dead anyway.”

She held out her hand to him, to embrace him, just like before. “At least when you do it this time make sure it-”

Zihang stopped her words, kissing her. Her eyes flew open in shock. She always imagined that his lips would be soft, but the combination of the softness and the warmth made her shiver. She was too stunned to move and stood quiet when he pulled away, softly dragging her lips after his as he parted. He took her still outstretched hand and his fingers twined around hers. “Let’s go.”

She gasped, the light of the portal now shining on her pure joy.

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saiilorstars · 5 years ago

Text

Next Stop Everywhere

Chapter 21: The Silver Monsoon

Fandom: Doctor Who

Pairing: 10th Doctor x Female OC

(Minerva’s face claim: Victoria Camacho)

(Kaeya’s Face claim: Michelle Trachtenberg)

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Chapter summary: The Doctor returns to the Silver Monsoon after years of its death, only to find Princess Kaeya's most prized possession.

The pronunciation of Kaeya is “kay-ah”!

// Story Masterlist //

"So you see, I have to write a creative story for this stupid class and I have nothing to write about," I finished telling the Doctor of my newest assignment for school to which he immediately offered his assistance to. I looked over and saw he was blankly staring at the console. "Doctor? Did you listen?"

He blinked, suddenly remembering I was here, and looked at me, "Oh, hello..."

I sighed, "Hello."

"Sorry, what was that?"

I sighed again, more irritated with his lack of attention after he was the one who asked me to explain. "Doctor, if you're not gonna listen then don't waste my time. I have this hard assignment and it's really pissing me off."

"Language," he pointed.

"No."

"Minerva?"

"Martian?"

"Okay," he waved it off, "What were you talking about?"

"No, I wanna know why you weren't listening. You've been doing that a lot lately. Please tell me, I'll keep it a secret."

Ever since we returned from the whole Lazarus event, the Doctor had seemed somewhat distant from Martha and I and pretty much everything else. It seemed like something, or someone, was occupying all his thoughts. And if it was the same culprit that occupied his mind since China, I had a pretty fair idea of who it was...

The Doctor leaned back on his seat, sighing deeply, "Kaeya."

What a shocker...

"What about her?" I did my best to act like it didn't bother me and since he was more oblivious than usual, it wasn't that hard to fool him.

"I've been having these dreams of her..."

"Oh...nice..." I looked away, not sure if it was right to feel jealous of a dead woman.

"I dreamt of the first time we met each other, in person..." he started smiling, getting lost in his thoughts once again.

"And?" I hit his arm, reminding him he had to continue if he was starting a new story.

"And...just the time we spent together..."

"Doctor, I don't mean to be nosy but, um..." I cleared my throat, turning to face him completely, "...were you and Kaeya...you know..." I swayed my head, "...together?"

"What? No! No..." he shook his head, "...Time Lords and the people of the Monsoon were prohibited from even seeing each other."

"Why's that?"

"I never knew. I suspected Kaeya did but she didn't want to tell me. All I knew was that Time Lords were supposed to detest the Monsoon kind. They had something they shouldn't have..."

"But that didn't stop you from seeing her, did it?"

"No," he smiled, probably thinking of her again, "She was much too wonderful to let go."

"Mhm," I nodded, forcing myself to calm down inside. For a pair that were not together, they sure sounded like it...

"But, anyways, what were you talking about? You're homework?" he looked down at the journal on my lap.

"Oh," I looked down at it as well, forgetting for a moment it was still there, "I have to write a creative story and my mind is blank."

"Minerva, you're a time traveler. I'm sure there's something you can think about."

"You'd think that, but...it doesn't. It doesn't feel like any of our recent trips is something to talk about to the humans."

"What do you want to talk about, then?"

"Something fantastic, something worth remembering, something..."

"The Monsoon," he whispered, still managing to cut me off.

"Huh?"

"Would you like to visit the Silver Monsoon with me?"

"As in...Kaeya's planet?" I raised an eyebrow, my stomach churning a little at that idea. Somehow, I don't think that would be good for me and my heart.

"Yeah, I haven't been there since the War, and I never gathered the courage to go back..."

And now I knew I had to say yes and accompany him there. Just like he accompanied me to Liv's gravestone and was there for me when I bid goodbye to her, I had to be there for him and watch him say goodbye to Kaeya. It was something he needed and deserved when it truly wasn't his fault she died. My jealousy could not get in the way of that.

"I understand if you don't want to come," he continued, trying to hide his clear disappointment of my silence.

"Of course I'll go," I took his hand, "You came with me to Liv's burial site, it's time I help you too."

"You want to go?" his eyes shined that spark of excitement they usually wore.

"Yes, and I promise you I will make a story of Kaeya and her people, dedicated to the people of the Monsoon."

"Really?"

"Yes, would you like that?"

"Yes!" he exclaimed, absolutely ecstatic about it, "You're truly wonderful!" he took me for a surprise hug, unable to see my shocked yet red face.

"Did I just walk into something?" Martha's voice pulled us apart, "Cause if I did..." I looked back and saw her smirking, probably thinking what would, and should, never happen.

"The Doctor offered me a place to write about," I said before she spoke anything that would compromise me.

"Oh..." her smirk fell and was replaced by a frown, "...boo."

"It's amazing!" the Doctor jumped from the chair and went to the console, "It used to be truly amazing! You should've seen it, Minerva, it was like Christmas all the time!" he rambled on as he made his rounds around the console, Martha moving beside me and both of us just nodding and listening, "There was snow everywhere! Ice lakes! Ice statues! Unfrozen lakes where the children would swim! Oh, they were excellent swimmers! They we're from the Monsoon! Of course they knew how to swim!"

"Is he going to breath anytime soon?" Martha whispered to me.

"Let's find out," I crossed my arms and listening on to the Martian.

"I loved the trees! They were covered with snow, what am I saying covered? They were made of snow! And they carried little ice spheres that you could actually eat! Imagine that, ice that you can eat!"

"Yeah, they're called Popsicles," Martha chuckled.

"These are better," he pointed violently, still smiling and laughing.

"Alright, so if this place is so wonderful, why haven't you taken us before?"

And then he stopped...

I walked over, putting a hand on his shoulder, "Because it's taken a lot of courage to return," he took my hand off his shoulder and held it in his own, "But he's finally doing it."

"What's so hard about going back?" Martha asked, eyeing our small moment, though no smirk as she saw this was a serious matter.

"I lost someone there," the Doctor answered quietly, lifting our interlocked hands and just staring at them as a source of distraction, "It's been one of the places I could never return to."

"And why are we going there suddenly?"

"Because I'm gonna write a story about it," I smiled, wanting to get one out of the Martian but failing miserably, "I'm gonna write about how beautiful it is, how accomplished the species was."

"Well, what are we waiting for, then?" Martha moved up to the console and hung onto it.

"You sure you want to go?" I asked the Doctor as he moved us to the console.

"You'll be there, right?" he questioned very quietly, I almost didn't hear him, "Every second?"

""You won't be able to get rid of me," I flashed him a grin.

"So when speak of this planet, the Monsoon, how come you use it in the past tense?" Martha asked, purposely keeping her gaze down, the small smirk playing on her lips.

"They, uh...they were killed," the Doctor replied, growing quiet once again.

"By what?"

"...by the hands of my people."

Martha gasped, her wide eyes looking at me for the same reaction but by my calmer attitude she learned that I already knew this, "How...how did that happen?"

"The Time War," he turned and leaned against the console, "Just one more of the species we brought down."

"Yeah, but it's not your fault," I reminded.

He smiled, still seemingly lost in thoughts, "They were good people. I never spoke to them, just Kaeya."

"And who was Kaeya?" Martha asked, becoming more curious.

"An old friend of mine..."

I glanced at Martha, letting her know with a look that Kaeya was probably more than just a "friend".

"Oh," she nodded.

It seemed that another woman had managed to steal his hearts...

~0~

I hopped onto mushy snow that plopped up to my ankles. Martha started shivering as soon as she stepped out, "It's so cold!"

"I think it's great!" I said, excitedly looking around.

"It's cold!"

"Zip up the jacket," the Doctor came out, "And you'll be fine."

She grumbled and did as told, "This places looks kind of...dead."

I noticed that while there was perfectly white snow covering the ground, most of the place was dim and gray. It looked like a snowstorm was headed this way...there was no Christmasy feeling. I started walking ahead, my shoes sploshing through the snow.

"It used to be beautiful," the Doctor remarked, he and Martha coming behind, "But that was a very long time ago."

"Is everyone gone, though?" Martha asked.

"I would suppose though, that was the story."

"But then you don't really know, huh?" That's why Martha was my best friend, she picked out what no one had noticed before.

"She's right," I turned back for them, "If all you ever heard was the story then maybe the people of the Monsoon managed to escape."

He sighed, not looking so hopeful, "They need the cold to survive. Their bodies need the coldest temperature around."

"Yeah, but this planet doesn't seem as cold."

"The people probably had a hand in that," he mumbled and walked ahead.

I sighed and watched after him, Martha stepping closer to me, "He doesn't look so good," she whispered.

"His hearts are breaking," I mumbled, going after him.

The Doctor had stopped at a cliff, and I almost slipped on the snow for leaning to close, "What's down there?"

He peered down, "It's mud."

"What kind? And why does it look like snow?"

"It's snow mud used for defensive tactics. These people had an army of some sort. They'd use the snow to cover up their scent."

I crinkled my nose at the smell, not at all agreeable, "It's disgusting!"

"Yeah, it smells horrible," Martha shook her head, "This doesn't seem like a very beautiful planet, honestly."

"This is hardly what the Silver Monsoon used to be, ma'am," an elderly man's voice spoke, making us turn and see the stranger across us.

The Doctor immediately pulled Martha and I behind him, as if the short man could actually hurt us. He was rather short, aged like a grandfather, and had ice blue eyes with gray hair that swiveled at the top. What really captivated my attention were the silver lines on his body. There were two swirly lines going across his cheeks and two more running up and down his arms.

"Who are you?" the Doctor demanded coldly, perhaps thinking the man was an intruder to Kaeya's home.

"My name is Mayar, and I am the last of my people to live on this planet," he declared, giving a small nod.

"You mean...this is your planet?" I blinked, trying to step around the Doctor but he kept forcing his arm in front of me.

"These are the marks of the Monsoon," he gestured to his silver marks.

"Who are you?" this time the Doctor's voice was a meek one, clearly shocked that not everyone had died like he believed.

"Mayar, one of very first Kings of the Silver Monsoon."

The Doctor looked stunned by the piece of information, his forceful arm barring me lowered down, "...you're Kaeya's grandfather."

Now it was Mayar's turn to be shocked, "You knew my granddaughter?"

"Knew her?" the Martian scoffed lightly, part of him seeming lost in thoughts, "I knew her straight to the core."

"Who are you?" Mayar questioned, "All of you?"

"I'm Minerva," I finally stepped around the Doctor, Martha doing the same on the other side, "That's the Doctor and Martha."

"Are you human? I don't believe humans have acquired space travel yet..."

I looked at the Doctor, wondering if he wanted to go with that lie or tell him who he really was.

"They're human," he gestured to Martha and I, "I'm...I'm a Time Lord."

You could tell he struggled to name himself, and the look Mayar was now giving him wasn't helpful, "And you dare step foot on my home after what you did?" Mayar stepped forwards.

"But he didn't do anything," I started to frown, who the hell did he think was?

"Yeah? His people put an end to my people, my family."

"You said it, his people. He didn't do anything except come and try to find your granddaughter."

"And if I picked up your words correctly, not all your people died," Martha joined in, "Or am I wrong?"

Seriously, love Martha right now.

"There were survivors," Maya conceded, looking solely at the Doctor, "If that eases your conscience a bit."

"Who survived?" the Doctor asked, his eyes glossy already, "How?"

"If you really knew Kaeya then you should know she wouldn't go down without a fight. She gave her life to save the little people we had left. But you know what, now that I think about it, I do believe you and Kaeya knew each other."

"You do?"

"Yes, my granddaughter spoke so good of the Time Lords she just had to have gotten all that silly affection for them from you. You filled her head with all the good your people did."

"I did't, I always told her the truth..."

"I wonder, do you ever wake up in the middle of the night to think how many people died because of your lousy war? Let me give you an estimate of my planet, a million. That includes children. My son died, my daughter-in-law, my granddaughter died, and many more after. Tell me, how do you live with that?"

"With all due respect, SHUT UP!" I ordered, never feeling like harming an old man but this one was asking for it.

"How do you maintain a relationship with a man like that?" he moved on to me.

"Because you don't know him like we do," Martha spoke up now, probably feeling the same anger as I felt, "We listened to the story and you don't even give a chance."

"Amazing, you've got two women arguing on your behalf, how does that feel?" Mayar asked, bitterly smiling at the Doctor.

"Look, I swear to you I wanted to save Kaeya, I was looking for a place that she and the rest of you could live in," the Doctor paused, taking a shaky deep breath, "But I was too far away by the time I heard of her death, of the planet's death. But I still came back because I cared for her-"

"No, that's a lie!"

"It's not!"

"You and your people aren't capable of care! Of love!"

"But I was!" the Doctor shouted, actually making all three of us flinch, Mayar with wide eyes, "I knew Kaeya down to the core and she knew me! We didn't know why our species hated each other and we didn't care! We became the best of friends without a care. I showed her what you couldn't, I showed her pieces of the world!"

"Kaeya couldn't leave the planet," Mayar tried to form a comeback, but he was still faulty, "We needed the col-"

"I came, I brought her gifts from the galaxies and she loved them. And you know what? I loved seeing her study those objects. I made her happy, that's the one thing that actually does ease my conscience. Because while you and your family tried to restrain her from her true potential, I liberated her. I made her laugh when you made her cry, I made her curious when you made her world bland, I comforted her when you scared her. And when she died..." the Doctor paused, shaking his head while his hand went to his cover his eyes, "...it was the end of my motivation to keep going. I stopped the War, I ended my own kind because Kaeya died. So do not come and tell me that I am not capable of caring for her because you have no idea just how wrong you are!"

I blinked and a tear strolled down my cheek, my heart beginning to break with the realization of just how much he "cared" for her. That wasn't care...that was love. He loved Kaeya.

"Perhaps...I could be wrong," was all Mayar could say, "...perhaps," he turned around and walked away.

"Maybe we should go..." Martha began to suggest but the Doctor had already left on his own.

"Coming here was the worst idea ever," I mumbled, biting my lip.

"Hey, it's okay," Martha turned to me, "You can't cry for a dead woman."

"I told you I didn't want this because of a heartbreak...and it happened anyways," I sniffled.

"You can't let this bring you down."

"Tell me how am I supposed to feel then?" I rubbed my eyes before more tears emerged, "He didn't have to say it but we all know...we know he loved her."

"I can see how that would come about but-"

"I can't do this right now," I shook my head, collecting myself to go after the Doctor, "You go talk to Mayar, yeah? Find out more about this place?"

"Why?" she frowned, confused with the idea.

"I still have to write something and besides, maybe there's something we can use to make the Doctor feel better."

"And what are you going to do in the mean time?"

"I'm going to make the Doctor feel better," I forced my best smile.

"But you aren't..."

"I don't care because I want him to be okay. He's helped me with Olivia and now it's my turn. I won't let him blame himself for something he didn't do. Not ever," I walked past her, rubbing away the last of my tears before I would find the Doctor.

~0~

"Doctor?" I called, spotting him sitting at the edge of a cliff, "Hey! Martian!" I tried running but the snow slowed me down. After much struggle, I finally reached him and plopped down beside him, "Are you okay?" he nodded, looking down at the iced lake below the cliff, "Somehow, I think that's a lie."

"Well, could be because you're clever..."

I smiled, "That I am, Martian. So, last time you helped me so now I help you. Though I'd help you regardless..." I waited for him to say something but he never did. He kept staring at the iced lake, so lost and silent. This wasn't him at all. "...You know it's not your fault, right? The fall of this planet...you didn't do it. Kaeya died for other reasons, one of those for a noble cause, but none of it was your fault."

"I wish I knew who killed her," he cut me off, his teeth gritting with anger and pain. There was a raw, ferocious, anger that genuinely scared me for a bit. I'd seen him plenty mad before but never like that. "I want to know who put their hands on her and killed her..."

"I don't think you do..." I tried to say but he cut me off with a sharp 'I do'. "And then what? What would you do?" I challenged him. "Because we both know you wouldn't kill them."

"Yeah? How can you be so sure?" he glanced at me with a dark tinge in his eyes, "You know all the people I killed..."

"Because of Kaeya, yes, I do now," I reminded, "But I bet if you had the chance to make that decision again...you wouldn't."

He scoffed, "Right."

"I'm serious. I think that you were blinded by rage and pain, your friend had died...and you wanted to put an end for her. Perhaps in another scenario, given the proper thought about it...you'd make an alternate decision."

"Yeah? And why would I do that?" he rolled his eyes.

"Because it's what Kaeya would've liked for you to do."

He glanced at me again, taken aback by the words I chose, "...she never liked violence..."

"See?"

"She was the sweetest thing out there..." his gaze returned to the iced lake, "...incapable of hurting anyone. Her voice...it was so delicate, so soft...beautiful."

"Aha," I looked down, fiddling with my fingers. I wouldn't stop him from talking about her. I spoke hours of Olivia, telling him how crazy beautiful she was, all her personality traits...I'd allow for him to do the same about Kaeya. It would liberate him from his guilt, and hopefully make him feel a little better.

"She was beautiful, Minerva. When I met her, she was just...a goddess. I think she'd be like the Selene of your mythology."

"Oh, you mean Selena? Of the moon?"

He nodded, "Mhm, she was wonderful..."

"Hm, I can tell. Your smile seems to be kinda..." I gestured to his face, "...stuck," he caught himself in the middle of another grin and quickly stopped, but I could still see a remnant of it at the corner of his mouth, "How did you even meet? You said Kaeya couldn't leave the planet because it was cold so you came...how'd you do it?"

He sighed, glancing back at the iced lake. I wondered what was so damn interesting of a lake, "It all started when I was just a kid and saw her for the first time. It was my first year in the Academy and we had a trip to see a constellation nearby the Silver Monsoon. Everyone else didn't care about the planet that looked like the Earth Christmas I liked so much. I was at the window and I was looking down...and then I saw her. She stood on that lake right there," he pointed ahead, "And she looked up to our ship. I never forgot that face...such a pretty little face. She had these big icy, blue eyes, and she seemed so curious. I could tell she was wondering who I was...what the ship was...what were all those little kids, like her, doing in that ship looking down at her planet."

"But you didn't speak to her, then?" I questioned, looking at the lake, picturing that little girl right there. That's why it was so important to him, it was where they first met...

"No, we were never allowed down on the planet. We were forbidden to visit the planet, much less to make contact with its inhabitants. But we returned every year, and I was always on that ship...and she was always on that lake, staring up. Years passed, and it seemed like we were aging at the same time. And you know, it looked like she knew exactly when we would return because she was always there, standing, sitting, on that lake. All on her own. By the time I was a teenager," he glanced at me, eyeing me up and down, "Probably about your age."

"I doubt you were seventeen," I teased, "Well, I'm almost eighteen in a couple months...so eighteen?"

"No, but I was young."

"Hm, really?"

"Yes, really."

"Doctor, triple digits?"

"...no."

"I think you were!"

"Are you gonna let me continue?" He raised an eyebrow.

I raised my hands, surrendering, "Fine, fine, go ahead."

"Well, like I was saying, we both looked like we could be around the same age. But by that time, I grew tired of just getting a five minute glimpse of her and so I devised a plan."

"What kind of plan?"

He smirked, "The one where I snuck out of the ship and went down to the planet."

"And did it work?"

"...no."

I couldn't help but laugh, shaking my head at his failure, "Oh no, and what happened?"

He sighed, "That was the last time I saw her...I was kicked out of the program for sneaking out."

I immediately stopped laughing, knowing that must have been pretty hard for him, "And...and then what happened?"

"They made more trips of course but I never got to see that glimpse of her until..." he began smiling, letting me know that the story hadn't ended so badly, "...I borrowed a TARDIS one day-"

"Borrowed?" I raised an eyebrow, "N-n-no, you told me you borrowed it and ran off with your granddaughter...never returning that box to this day. That's not borrowing."

"This was before I actually stole it," he corrected, shaking his head, "I was...what?" again, he eyed me, determining his next age comparison on me, "An adult? Maybe Olivia's age? Twenty?" I nodded, gesturing for him to continue, "I borrowed a TARDIS one day and took it to this planet, just a little after the students had finished their annual trip. And Minerva?"

"Yeah?"

"...she was right there," he pointed at the lake, his grin so wide it looked like his face would crack, "At first, I didn't see her...but then I turned around and there she was; standing beautifully across me."

I couldn't help the disappointment I felt within me. He seemed so lost in the thought of seeing her again, it made me wonder if he'd ever think of me like that. But I shook those thoughts away and focused on the most important thing here, he was smiling.

"She was so beautiful. She'd changed since the last time I saw her. She was taller, her hair was shorter, and she was dressed like a true princess. Silver and white. I'll never forget that. She was so beautiful," he re-emphasized it and I mouthed the word off to the side where he couldn't see how jealous I was turning.

"Did you talk or did you just stare?" I asked in a mutter, realizing a moment later that was probably rude. Minerva, you are not gonna let your jealousy get in the way of an important moment for the Doctor. He didn't deserve that. Neither did Kaeya.

"We talked," he nodded, oblivious to my feelings, "For the first time, we actually talked. I got to know her. Her name was Kaeya, princess of the Silver Monsoon."

"That's a weird name, you know."

"You're clever, you should know its meaning."

"It has a meaning?" I blinked, genuinely surprised at it.

"Every name's got a meaning. Look at yours, Minerva: the goddess of wisdom."

"Yeah, and what does Kaeya mean?"

"The monsoon flower," he smiled, "And she was a beautiful flower."

I rolled my eyes, "Got it. She was excessively beautiful. What did you talk about? I can't keep writing she was beautiful, you know."

He chuckled, "Yeah, sorry. She told me how shocked she was to see that great big ship over her planet for the first time. Said she'd been playing on the iced lake over there. And after we left, she asked her parents who we were and why we couldn't come down. But they didn't tell her anything. All they said was that she should hate us and stay away from us because we were bad people."

"Why would they think that?"

"I don't know. To this day, I don't know why the Silver Monsoon and Gallifrey detested each other."

"But that didn't stop Kaeya, did it?"

"She calculated the exact day and time we'd pass over her planet each year...and even after I was kicked out, she kept waiting...to see me. Of course, that never happened anymore until I borrowed the TARDIS."

"Bet she was really happen then..." I said, knowing the exact feeling she must have had. I had that same feeling when I decided to leave the box of wonders and him to finish my education. Just the thought of knowing I would actually be staying made my heart beat twice as fast.

"She seemed like it," he nodded, "And we then we started talking. I learned a lot about her, and you know what?"

"What?"

"She didn't live a very happy life."

"Well, apart from being forbidden to leave the planet I couldn't see why she wouldn't be happy."

He smiled, "But that never stopped her hope. While she couldn't leave, she set herself to know about the world. And so each time I came to visit her, I brought her a little gift from a planet, sometimes my own. She loved them all and she tried to study them down to its last detail. I loved seeing the look she gave each time I brought her something. It was...wonderful. Her favorite gifts were the ones from Earth I was able to get from Gallifrey. And then, when I finally left home, I traveled to all these places, always bringing her things from them. But her favorite was always Earth. She thought you were all fascinating."

"Hm, I can't help but feel like an experiment subject."

"You're not. She just liked you all. She tried learning everything she could of the humans. She knew your eating habits, your favorite leisure activities, your customs, beliefs. Heck, do you know she learned about the mythology you all invented? She loved the Roman mythology most of all; she said her favorite goddess was Venus cos she was immensely beautiful. And well, Kaeya didn't consider herself as such."

"Well," I grinned, "I would vouch for the goddess Minerva. She's a pretty cool lady."

"Good thing you're not biased," he remarked, nudging me and getting a laugh out.

"Just give me wisdom over beauty any day!"

"Oh, but you have both already."

I froze, glancing at him with semi-shocked eyes, "You think so?"

He shifted in his seat, giving me a quick glance with a faint smile, "Y-yeah. I told you that, remember?"

"Right..." I rubbed my arm, looking down as a blush went through my cheeks.

"Kaeya loved it all, though," he continued after a moment his gaze wondering to the lake again, "She was truly exceptional."

"Doctor, I know I asked you this before but now I ask you to answer with honesty. Did you love her?"

Silence.

"Doctor?"

Silence.

I took a long, deep breath, "Alright, I won't insist," even if it continued to gnaw at my head.

"I told her that one day I'd figure out how to bring her to other planets," he continued like the dire question hadn't been asked, and with no other option I listened, "I swore to her I'd whisk her away and show her the universe," and by the slow change of happy to glum on his face, I knew that's where the story ended, "And then the war started..."

"And she died."

"I'm sorry," I said with all honesty, "I understand what it's like to lose someone you care so much about."

"Then tell me, how can you ask me not to blame myself for Kaeya's death if you continuously blame yourself for Olivia's?"

I looked away, biting my tongue to keep myself from answering in a way I couldn't. That I cared for him deeply and just couldn't bear for him to blame himself. That I couldn't stand seeing him not smile and ramble on about the stars. I couldn't.

"I said it before, Minerva, your eyes and mine share a great pain. The only difference is that mine are old and horrible, while yours are young and filled with potential."

"Don't say that," I sighed, "We share the pain, that's that. But here's what I think about yours, Kaeya doesn't blame you. She wouldn't want you to burden yourself like this."

"You think so?"

"I know so," I assured, patting his hand, "And look at it this way, she's probably looking over Earth right now, making that visit she wanted for so long."

"I sure hope she is. She deserves at least that."

"C'mon," I let go of him and jumped to my feet, nearly slipping over the cliff, "Yikes, better be careful there."

"Where are we going?"

"You seem to just love that lake," I gestured to it with my head, "So let's go take a look. It'll be a walk down memory lane."

"Uh, no thanks," he shook his head.

"Oh c'mon!" I reached down and tried pulling him up, "Just a walk!"

"No, Minerva."

"Why not? Is it because that's yours and Kaeya's lake? Am I not allowed on it?"

"What? No! I'd love to take you to the lake!"

"Then!?"

He sighed, "I guess I just don't feel like I could step on it."

I let go and smiled sadly at him, "We can take baby steps then."

"Baby steps?" he looked up, looking offended at the term.

I placed a hand on my hip, tilting my head, "What? Big Time Lord can't take a baby step?"

"I can take an adult step!"

"Yeah, you're not classified as an adult in my book."

"What!?" he jumped to his feet, making me beam I finally got him up, "I'm far older than you are-"

"Yes, thank you for reminding me of that, gramps," I patted his cheek, earning a glare from the Martian, "So how about you take me down there?"

"Minerva, you need to take back that 'gramps' thing," he warned as I turned for the cliff, peering down to search for the perfect way to get down.

"Why? I'm seventeen and you're what? 903 years old?" I took a step forwards, nearly slipping again but caught by the martian, "Woah, sorry gramps."

"I'd rather you call me Martian!"

I beamed, gasping, "Really?"

"Yes. Because I'm not old!"

I grabbed his sleeve as I stepped forwards again, "Well, Martian, I can see a way down now. We'll just need to go-" my foot slipped and I went forwards, the Martian reaching to grab me but instead fell along with me.

We toppled down the cliff, the snow - although cold and wet - cushioning our tumble. I fell against the iced-lake, finding just how hard it actually was, enough to bruise my back I'll tell you that. Of course, it wasn't as bad before the Martian literally fell on me with a hard thud, making me yelp of pain.

"Minerva are you alright!?" he asked quickly, although his moves were much slower as he had also been hurt. He lifted his head and looked down at me, and suddenly my pain seemed like a petty thing with him so close to me.

Unlike the last time we found ourselves in this situation, before we landed on McDonnell's ship, I felt nervous. But this time...this time, I found myself smiling at the Martian right above me, "Hello..."

He smiled back, "...hello."

The ground beneath us, and everywhere around us, began shaking like an earthquake. It sounded like the cliff behind us was toppling down more snow, like an avalanche!

"Minerva, watch out!" the Doctor huddled me closer, reaching over and covering me.

A few minutes later, it finally stopped. He looked around, finally getting off me. I sat up and found the cliff had opened up a passageway across us. "That...that wasn't there a moment ago," I pointed, looking at it with wide eyes.

"No, no it wasn't, " he scrambled to his feet, running for it and stopping right at its entrance, "Looks like it hasn't been opened in centuries."

I slowly got up, nervous I'd slip on the ice. Actually, it wasn't even slippery! It felt like actual ground.

"I wonder where it leads to..." the Doctor continued, poking his head inside the passageway.

I trembled, now feeling the coldness of the planet as Martha had whined about earlier. Of course, she wasn't covered in snow and wet. I suddenly crinkled my nose at a fowl smell around us, on me, "Doctor, what is that smell?"

"That would be the snow mud currently covering us," he replied absently, still inspecting that passageway.

I nearly gagged as I smelled my arm, "Oh god, I need a shower."

"Yeah it'll take months for it to fully come off."

"Excuse me?" I asked, wide eyed, "Months?"

"What do you say, Minerva? Shall we take a look?" he turned around, ignoring my current state of denial.

I sighed, letting it go for the moment and made my way over, peering inside the darkness before us, "S-sure. You got a light or something?" And like hearing me, torches hung up on the wall lit up, allowing us to see the pathway clearly.

"I think we're good, don't you think?" the Doctor grinned, stepping inside.

"You think I could use one of those torches to dry myself? And possibly use it as a heater?" I asked, slowly following.

"Well, I don't think-" he stopped at the sound of his foot kicking something.

We looked down to see an old, dusty book on the ground. He picked it up, turning it over and seeing the title worn off by the time it had been here. He opened it up, skimming a few pages of it.

"Stop!" I exclaimed, putting a hand over the page he was currently on, "Look," I pointed, "Those are the Roman goddesses and Gods. Kaeya was fascinated by them, right?"

He nodded, "Very."

"So then...this was her book?"

"Possibly..."

"Well, did anyone else on this planet have a liking for Earth?"

"I don't know. Maybe...maybe not?"

I sighed, a shiver combined with it, "Well, I'm willing to bet it was hers. Maybe this whole cave thing is hers too," I gestured to it and walked a few steps ahead, "Maybe this was her sanctuary."

"Should we even be here then?"

"It opened for us, didn't it? She wants us here."

"But why?"

"Maybe she'd like her old friend to visit her. After so many years. Maybe it's me that shouldn't be here..." I started taking a step back at the sudden realization.

But I felt hands on my shoulders that stopped me, "I'd like her to meet my clever friend. She's pretty good."

I smiled, glancing back, "You think so?"

He shook off his coat and placed it around me, "I know so. You're very good."

I felt an instant heat from the coat, but most of all, I felt my face warming up at our closeness, "You're not so bad yourself," I tugged the coat closer, "And thanks."

"Now c'mon!" he pulled me ahead, running who knows where!

~0~

"I didn't know she had a whole bookcase of Earth books," I remarked as I went through what seemed the eighth bookshelf in this room.

The Doctor had found what appeared to be a library. It was old, it was cold, and it smelled like soggy, dirty socks. But there were bookshelves spread all around, chuck full of books...all about Earth.

"How did she even get these?" I looked over to the Doctor and saw him swaying his head, "I should've known. You brought them."

"I didn't think she'd actually keep all of them," was his defense statement, "But then again, she did say she had a whole library dedicated to Earth."

I plucked out a book that read Cinderella on the cover, "Maybe to meet the princesses? Cinderella, really?"

"She liked the gown because it was almost like hers."

"Cinderella sucks. I'm more of a Rapunzel fan."

He scoffed, "Figures," he looked over my hair.

I playfully rolled my eyes, "Ha, ha, so I'm a little bias."

"You know, Kaeya thought the Earth fairy tales were a bit boring. Ridiculous, actually. Complete fantasy..."

"Ridiculous?" I frowned, looking back at the row of classical fairy tales on the shelf, "But they're the most famous ones!"

"And a bit unlikely," he walked over, taking the book from me, "I mean, seriously, a wooden puppet whose nose grows big when they lie?"

"A 903 year old alien with a box that's bigger on the inside?" I countered, smirking, "I'll have you know these fairy tales are fantastic. Especially for the kids. I mean, c'mon, servant girl gets a fairy godmother, servant girl sneaks to the ball, servant girl meets Prince and loses her shoe at midnight...then the Prince finds her and they live happily ever after. Who thinks that's bland!?" he made a face and shrugged, placing the book back in its spot, "Okay fine, let me tell you a new one then: Human girl travels all her life, human girl meets Martian and he takes her to see galaxies. Isn't that such a cute fairy tale-oh wait - I'M LIVING IT!"

He smiled, "Point taken."

"Thank you," I nodded, turning away for another bookshelf, "I'm sure Kaeya can see that now."

"So...I'm a fairy tale?" he raised an eyebrow, the hint of a smirk growing at the corner of his mouth.

"Hold your horses there," I held a finger to him, "I said the whole thing in general is the fairy tale. Stop the ego from growing. You're not a fairy tale."

Yes he was...

"Really?" he pretended to pout.

"You're not!"

He was...

"But are you really sure?"

"Yes," I went along, stopping between a gap of two bookshelves. I passed a hand down the cold wall, feeling it somewhat...hollow?

"That's too bad..." he came over, "...because I think you're a fairy tale."

I glanced at him, stunned he had actually said that. That was the second complement I received in less than an hour, "Really?"

He blinked, "Um...yeah, because you're...you're very clever, and...and, and human."

"Oh...so I'm a fairy tale because you've never met a human so clever? What, we're highly unlikely? I'm ridiculous? We're all supposed to be stupid?" I leaned against the wall, watching him curiously work out that one. As much as I wanted to believe that was a compliment...it did sound like an insult in the end.

"No! That's not at all what I meant!"

"So what did you mean by that?"

"I just..." he swayed his head, sighing, "...see, you're clever and you're just..."

"Human," I nodded, "Yeah, I got it. Human and surprisingly smart," I rolled my eyes, "You know what, maybe this is where we part. I'll go find Martha and you can visit your dead girlfriend..." I started removing his coat, getting off the wall.

"No, no, please don't," he moved to stop me, trying to push my hands down as they fiercely worked to take off the damn coat, "Minerva, stop, you're overreacting." But I continued, and I guess frustrated him because he just stopped and pushed us back to the wall, "Are you gonna stop and let me explain?" he demanded seriously, enough seriousness to leave me still and just nod, "Thank you," he sighed, "Listen, you're sweet, you're insanely clever, and you don't take advantage of it. Most humans would. You said it yourself, with power comes chaos...especially with humans. You're not like that though," he smiled softly, "You'd never be. That's why you're a fairy tale, because another girl like you would be unlikely. You're one of a kind. So, why don't you keep that coat," he tugged it closer, enveloping me in its warmness, "And you accompany me to see an old friend. Yeah?"

I started smiling, blushing and nodding, "Okay..."

We both smiled, looking at each other for a moment until we felt another shaking. This time, it came from behind me and the Doctor quickly pulled me off to see the wall sliding open.

"Was Kaeya fond of puzzles?" I blinked, seeing the newest dark passageway ahead of us.

"It's a possibility..."

"There's no lights this time," I peered inside, "How are we supposed to get through?"

"Let's see," he walked ahead.

"Uh, Doctor, maybe you should be careful," I called, staying by the doorway.

"It's fine!"

"But it's dark!"

"Yeah but it's not like I'm going to-"

And he slammed into a wall...

I winced at the thud, hearing the groans a few seconds later, "Let me guess, there's a wall in front of you?"

"...that's..." he groaned again, "...a possibility."

I rolled my eyes and took slow, careful steps ahead, using the wall as a guide, "Where are you?"

"Over here," he called louder.

"If I crash into the wall you're as good as dead. And the possibility of regenerating is very slim."

He chuckled, "I'm holding out my hands, just reach out."

I nodded, though I realized he couldn't see it so I stopped. I held out one hand while the other remained on the wall, "I can't feel you!"

"Then get off the wall!"

"I'm not on the wall!"

"Yes, you are. Now let go."

I sighed and did as told, stepping forwards. I had to admit I felt a big relief when I touched a hand, "Oh thank god."

"See, nothing to worry about," he said, "Just don't move forwards."

"Let me guess, is there a big scratch on your head, Doctor?"

"...no."

I laughed, "Liar."

"Oh shut it, it really hurts."

"We'll deal with it later you big baby. Now tell me how we're going to go down the passageway."

He sighed and turned us for the wall, "Well..."

But the wall started moving away from us, leaving us to follow as it moved. The Doctor let go of my hand and went slightly ahead, the darkness fading as icy blue squares on the ground lit up. But just like that, the rock stopped moving.

"Doctor!" I called, feeling myself slip on one of the ice squares.

He quickly returned, catching me before I fell. And suddenly, the rock slid again. We looked at each other then the rock that kept moving. We let go of each other and the rock stopped moving.

"That's just weird," I pointed, "What? Did you and your girlfriend make it like this?"

"Minerva stop, I've never been in here," he said, taking my hand once more, watching how the rock moved again.

I pulled my hand away, making it stop, "Then what's going on?"

"It looks like some sort of security mechanism."

"What? The kind where you need to hold hands?"

"Maybe it was for her parents..."

"So what do we do?"

He glanced at me, then my hand, "Well, if we want to get ahead, you'll need to hold my hand."

I pretended to study him and his hand, "...I'll manage."

He smiled and reached for my hand, once again the rock moving. This time, we walked after it, neither of us saying a word. What could I say, really? At the end, the rock stopped sliding forwards and moved to the side, allowing us to see a room behind. We entered an ice room that was in a cylindrical shape, a small one at that.

"What is this place?" I asked, intrigued by the design, but not more than what was held in the center, "And what is that?"

There was a circular table, an ice table, in the center with a necklace propped up; a glass dome covered it.

"Welcome," a voice rang around the room, startling us.

"Kaeya?" the Doctor frowned, looking around frantically, bringing me as well until I pulled my hand away, "Where are you!? Are you here!?" I grew sad as I watched him desperately trying to find the girl, knowing he must miss her a lot.

"This is an interface," a hologram of a young woman appeared beside the table, "Here to help."

"Kaeya..." the Doctor whispered, stepping forwards, taking in the hologram's appearance which I assumed was the blessed princess.

She was beautiful, no doubt. I assumed the silver gown the Doctor had mentioned was the one she wore at the moment. It was an A-line dress that went down to her feet. It had a squared-neckline with angel sleeves, a ruched bodice, an over skirt covering the forepart of the underskirt, a small train of it behind. Her short, ashy brunette fell above her shoulders in soft curls, her icy blue eyes looking as lively as ever...even for a hologram. She was beautiful, and she didn't look a day over twenty-five.

I swallowed hard, finding myself to be an intruder in this room.

"She's just a hologram...she's not real," the Doctor said quietly, shaking his head. He turned around and it shocked me to see him actually walking for the exit. That was my job!

"Doctor!" I called, making him freeze, "And just where do you think you're going?"

"She's not real."

"Real or not, she wants you here."

He glanced back, looking between the hologram and I, "How do you know?"

"I don't," I shrugged, "But I say she does. Look at this place. It seems like no one's entered in centuries. Not even Mayar! And he was her grandfather. Why would it suddenly open for us? Why would it open for you?"

He turned completely, facing me but with a solemn look, "You think she wants me here?"

"Let's ask," I moved for the hologram, "Interface, what is the purpose of the room?"

"It holds the Silver Monsoon's most prized possession," she gestured to the necklace on the table, the dome moving up from it, "Responsibility of the princess of the Silver Monsoon, princess Kaeya. She swore to protect it at all costs."

"What does the necklace do?" I asked, looking back at the Doctor, offering my hand for comfort.

"It belongs to princess Kaeya."

"Not what I asked but okay," I smiled as the Martian came forwards and took my hand, "What's the purpose of the necklace?"

"It belongs to princess Kaeya."

"I know that...what is the necklace's purpose?"

"It belongs to princess Kaeya."

"Why does it keep saying that?" I glanced at the Doctor, confused.

He looked at the hologram and the necklace repeatedly, a minute later focusing solely on the necklace, "There's something familiar about it..."

I looked at the necklace, really focusing this time. It was baby blue and white...

It had a chain with three shapes hanging at the bottom, "Doctor, how many suns does the planet have?" I asked.

"None," he answered quietly. I glanced at him, surprised, "They only ever had the moon..."

"But there's two suns," I pointed at the necklace, "And the moon."

"I don't get it."

I frowned, staring harder at the necklace. There had to be an explanation for it, "Interface, what are the symbols' purpose?"

"It belongs to princess Kaeya."

"Yes, I get it-"

"It belongs to princess Kaeya."

I sighed, hoping to push my frustration down for the sake of the Martian beside me, "But-"

"It belongs to princess Kaeya."

"Oh my god, yes! But please stop saying that I get it. It belonged to..." I trailed off, finally getting it, "Oh...she made the necklace."

"She what?" the Doctor asked, looking at me weirdly.

I looked at him, "She made the necklace."

"How do you know?"

"Take a good look, Martian, and tell me what you see."

He did that...and nothing.

"Doctor?"

He shrugged.

"You are so oblivious! You're a stupid genius," I shook my head before leaning towards the necklace, "There's two suns, Doctor. And you said this planet has none," I glanced at him, seeing he was finally processing it as he leaned forwards, "So why put two?"

He let go of my hand and went for the necklace, tracing fingers on the suns, "Oh Kaeya...she did say she'd love to see them rising."

"And I'm guessing the moon is for her. It's you two together, how she wanted it."

"But...but why?"

I sighed, practically forcing myself to speak my next words, "She fell in love with you, Doctor."

He blinked with wide eyes, looking between the necklace and I, apparently hearing these words for the first time, "But I..."

"Take the necklace," I said quietly, rubbing my arm, though the fact I still wore his coat only made me feel worse. I shouldn't be here.

"I-I can't! Why'd you even think that?" he shook his head, stepping back.

"Why else would we be here?" I snapped, feeling guilty the second after; it wasn't his fault that he also made a human fall for him, he made Rose so why would I be an exception? How did Martha avoid it? "If this thing allowed us inside, it was for a reason. Plus, this thing," I pointed to the necklace, "Was made for you two. She's not here anymore but you are. The right thing would be for you to take it and put it somewhere you deem right."

He sighed, glancing at the holographic had remained quiet, and I swore it was almost watching us like it understood us, "I suppose...for Kaeya..."

"Yes," I moved for the necklace, reaching to take it when... "Ah!" I jerked my hand back, feeling my fingertips burn like before.

"Are you okay?" the Doctor quickly took my hand to inspect it.

"Yes, I..." I glanced at the necklace, finding a similarity between its material and the crystal at Lazarus' event, "...hey, is it the same crystal that Lazarus had?"

"Hm?" he looked at the necklace, taking it from its place and carefully touching it with a finger tip, "I think it is."

"Why doesn't it burn you?" I looked at his hands that could freely touch the necklace with jealousy.

"Maybe it's not supposed to be touched by humans..."

"Then how did Lazarus use it?"

"Gloves?"

"I'm telling you right now, I don't think Kaeya likes me," I looked at the hologram with narrow eyes, "She thinks I'm an intruder here."

"She doesn't. I know she would've loved to have met you."

"Lies," I scoffed, "I bet her spirit is right here and scowling at me."

"Spirit?" he scoffed now, "Ha!"

"You don't believe in the afterlife?"

"No...well...no."

"Well I do, and I believe Kaeya brought you here and I believe she doesn't like me," and I completely meant that.

The Doctor still seemed unconvinced, then...

"Hide it," the hologram spoke up, both the Doctor and I turning to it with shock. The hologram turned its head to the Doctor, "I will guide you until it is time."

"Excuse me?" the poor Martian blinked, stunned as I was the hologram was actually speaking like it understood us.

"I vowed to return one day and it is not me who has entered the sanctuary."

"But you died, Kaeya," he gritted his teeth, both angry and sad at the fact, "You can't return."

"I will return," she smiled, "But in the meantime, I will guide you on this journey."

"Guide..." I whispered, familiar words returning to me as I pondered, "...Guide. Moon guide...Moon spirit! Ha!" I exclaimed, startling the Doctor with my sudden excitement, "Remember the Face of Boe's words back on New Earth?" he stared but with no idea what I was saying. I sighed, coming beside him, "He said the moon spirit would guide you. She's it!" I pointed at the hologram, "I told you she'd be looking out for you wherever she was!"

"So...what?" he blinked.

I sighed again, smacking him upside the head, earning a big 'ow' from him, "You're meant to be here and take the necklace. She guided you here."

"But she's dead..." he whispered, his gaze falling to the ground.

I smiled sadly, "So? Just because she died doesn't mean she's gone. It's like my grandfather. I understand that he's dead. But I refuse to believe that he's really gone. I know that he's still looking out for my grandmother and I, and heck, even my mother. He's still taking care of us and Kaeya is doing the same for you."

He slowly nodded, looking up with watery eyes, "She's not gone?"

"She's right there," I pointed at the necklace, "And there," I pointed to his hearts.

He hugged me unexpectedly, but of course I didn't mind. I hugged right back, a hidden smile on my face. I glanced at the hologram, feeling slightly guilty that I enjoyed this hug in one of her favorite places.

But then she winked...

I looked at her oddly, shaking it off as the Doctor pulled back, "So, you'll take it?"

He nodded, "I'll honor her with it."

"Good," I looked around, finding nothing else to look at, "Should we get going then?"

He sighed and looked at the hologram, "Yeah, she's been disturbed enough."

"Thank you Kaeya..." I said quietly, feeling awkward.

She was dead and here I was trying to get her boyfriend. I wasn't exactly the best person right now...

But the hologram flashed a smile and held out her hand to her right, the ice wall sliding to the side, "Thank you."

"Doctor, how can she understand us if there's no more programming?"

"Kaeya's final orders, I suppose."

"Yeah but she acts weird..."

"She's just doing what she's programmed to do."

"But she winked at me!"

He laughed, pushing me for the new passageway, "Yeah, right."

"But she did!" I glanced back at the hologram, seeing her smile and wink again, "Look!" I turned him around but the damn thing reverted back to its blank state, "Do it again!"

She glanced at us, as if studying us, before uttering three words that would break a piece of my heart, "I loved you. I will find you one day."

I looked at her for a moment, never hating myself so much for being right, "Told you," I turned around and began walking for the passageway.

~0~

"There you are!" Martha greeted us with big hugs when we met her and Mayar in a cave. But then she caught the whiff of the snow mud and immediately backed away, pinching her nose,"What is that?"

"Snow mud," the Doctor replied, nodding, "Leaves a good scent for a couple of months."

"You mean you're both going to be smelling like that for MONTHS?"

"My reaction exactly," I nodded.

"We're used to it," the Doctor shrugged, "You'll be too."

"Okay..." she said, unconvinced as she returned to Mayar, "There's no perfume or anything?"

"No ma'am," he replied, quite amused. It seemed like he was in a much better mood now and of course it had to be because of Martha. She was wonderful like that!

"Yeah, we'll see about that," she shook her head.

"Where did you two go?" he asked us.

The Doctor and I glanced at each other, both having agreed before finding the two to keep Kaeya's sanctuary a secret. She had let us in for a reason and that means she didn't want anyone else to know about it.

"We went to the lake," I answered, "Lovely by the way."

"Ah," Mayar nodded, his hard look returning as he looked at the Doctor.

"You know your princess would disagree with how you're treating him," I said to Mayar, earning an equal harden look back. I felt bad for ruining Martha's work but I would not allow him to make the Doctor feel bad again.

"Minerva," the Doctor placed a hand on my shoulder, "It's alright-"

"No!" I shook his hand off, "It's not. Your princess, your granddaughter, Mayar, would be very disappointed in you."

"You don't know anything about her!" he snapped, stepping up.

"You wanna bet?" I laughed bitterly, stepping up as well.

"Minerva," the Doctor called from behind, reminding me of our agreement.

"I know she had a fascination for my planet, and do you know what was her favorite thing? The peace and harmony we had. And do you know why we had that? Because we were always together. But look at you, you're old, and bitter. You make yourself out to be the lonely victim and you blame the last person of the species that killed your family. But guess what? The fact is you're not alone, your people are still out there, living a good life. Why don't you go after them?"

"Because I don't have a family..." he answered me, barely above a whisper.

"Family isn't just those related by blood. It's having good friends who care about you just like a family would. So instead of blaming people for what happened to your planet, why don't you go and find your own people who thankfully survived because of Kaeya? The Doctor was not responsible for it and I'll be damned if I ever hear that again."

He took in my words, seeming to actually think about it. And I sure hoped he would.

Martha, seeing the tension rising to a brink, moved beside again, clearly breathing through her mouth, "Why don't we go look around instead? There was some drawings in the entrance of the cave that I'm sure you'd love to see, Minerva."

I glanced at the Doctor, seeing he was in no more spirit to be on this planet, "Why don't we go home instead? I think I got enough."

"You sure?"

I nodded, whispering, "Believe me. I got more than I bargained for."

She blinked, not getting. I mouthed 'talk later' then gestured for her to start walking.

~0~

Back in the TARDIS, I was able to write a story with what Martha was able to get from Mayar and from what I got from the Doctor, lots of Kaeya. Afterwards, Martha and I sat in the console, me telling her everything that had happened to the Doctor and I while on the Monsoon. I did burst into sobs a few times here and there but she was really good at comforting.

"So, Kaeya actually loved him?" Martha blinked, taking in the most important aspect of the story, the necklace not so much of her concern for some reason.

"She said she'd find him one day..." I whispered.

"But she's...dead!" Martha got quiet for a second as she thought then nodded, "Yeah, dead!"

"Well if you think about it, her body was never found..."

'Don't deduct, she's dead."

"I can't help it. If she's alive and she finds the Doctor...Martha," I teared up again, "They loved each other. It's going to be the repetition of Rose and this time, I won't be able to handle it."

It was true. When Rose was around, my feelings weren't the same and so as bothered as I was with her and the Doctor, I wasn't heartbroken. But if it were to happen now, where my feelings stand, I don't know what I'd do. Of course, I wouldn't stand between them, I couldn't. I'd let them be happy, because if the Doctor was happy then I would be to...for him.

"Minerva, I don't know what to say anymore," Martha sighed, looking completely lost for words now. That was a first, "But...are you okay?"

"Honestly Martha, I don't know," I shrugged, really not knowing how I felt about this, "I mean, on the one hand, I feel completely jealous and angry towards Kaeya but on the other hand, I understand her and I'm so sorry that she died."

"That seems normal. I probably would feel the same."

"Does it make me a bad person if I'm angry with a dead girl? Just because she happened to love the same man that I fell for?

She smiled softly, shaking her head, "No because that same person that's angry just finished up a story on the other girl. Plus, it's not like you'd kill her for it. It's natural to be jealous."

"Still, I can't help feel guilty for it."

"Don't be," she gestured to my notebook, "No more guilt. Because you're incredibly sweet and on another occasion, you two would have been good friends."

"I swear, if she ever did come back and the Doctor loved her and wanted to be with her, I wouldn't dare step between them. Ever. Because if she was the one that made the Doctor happy then I'd be happy too."

"See, it's that trait that makes you different from Rose," Martha pointed, leaving me perplexed onto how we moved onto Rose now.

"What? ...what?"

"You know my disdain for her, but apart from all that, I truly believed she was selfish. She treated you badly because she thought, she assumed, you liked the Doctor."

"She was just jealous..."

"But did she ever stop to wonder that maybe the reason why the Doctor was more...close..." she tried finding the right word but by the face she was making it was clear that she hadn't found it.

"We weren't close," I corrected quietly, remembering just how distant the Martian and I actually were in those days, "He didn't even know my name."

"'Close' wasn't the word I wanted but he interacted better with you," she paused for a moment, probably trying to think of better words but once again came up with nothing, "And I don't think Rose ever stopped to think that maybe he actually liked you back then."

"He did not," I informed flatly, knowing it was a fact.

"Yes, but maybe it was developing at that time," Martha clarified, "Maybe he didn't even know it. And hey, maybe you didn't even notice. But the biggest difference between you and Rose is that you would never be rude to Kaeya nor treat her the way Rose treated you because you shared the same affection for the Doctor. You would step back and allow the Doctor to be happy with whomever he chooses."

"I would, I really would step back," I whispered, looking down as I felt tears prick in my eyes, forcing themselves free.

"And that's what Rose didn't do," Martha said softly, offering a smile of comfort, "She was rude to you and she made it seem like it was your fault. She never stopped to wonder what the Doctor wanted. It was just what Rose wanted. That's pretty selfish of her."

"Thanks Martha," I hugged her, "You have no idea how much of good friend you are. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You'd be completely lost with your feelings for the alien," she chuckled.

"Very," I agreed as I pulled back, "Martha, I'm so sorry for what I said after we left McDonnell's ship. I didn't mean to be rude to you and-"

She raised a hand, stopping my apology midway, "I get it, don't worry."

"But I'm really sorry," I insisted, "You have been nothing but kind to me and not to mention patient with this new dilemma in my life concerning my blood. I'm very sorry."

"Minerva, it's okay," she assured, "If I was mad, I wouldn't have gotten the Doctor to come and talk. I know what you were saying was out of the moment. It's fine."

"Oh Martha," I hugged her again, "You're such a good friend to me!"

"Hey, I'm just glad you're feeling better. After everything from the ship, you've been a little, um..." she made a face, possibly trying to be cautious of her words.

"Emotional, crazy, mess, wreck, yeah," I sighed, "I do feel a lot better, though. It was just the hype of the moment...but I'm better...progress..."

"It's not all better, though, huh?"

I shook my head, "It's too much, Martha. One day, I'm going to break."

"No you won't, because your friends are here for you."

"Thank you," I smiled.

""Minerva?" we heard the Doctor call, making us look over and see him by the corridor's threshold, "Can I talk to you for a second?"

By the look he wore it seemed he had found something interesting in the necklace. I glanced at Martha, smiling apologetically for leaving her.

"You know what," she stood up, "We were done anyways. Take my place," she gestured to the empty spot beside me before walking off.

The Doctor waited for her to be a good distance in the corridors before approaching me and taking out the necklace, "So I studied..." he took the seat Martha had left, "...and turns out it does need to be kept hidden."

"Why?"

"Remember that crystal with Lazarus?"

"Yeah..."

"It's made out of the same material. I think this necklace came from that crystal."

"And...what would that mean, exactly?"

"I don't know, the crystal changed Lazarus, remember? It unlocks, it heals, it makes certain genes dominant."

"Why would Kaeya make it into a necklace, then?" I frowned, so lost there were no coherent thoughts in my head.

"There's something more," he stared at the necklace, "Its registering large amounts of energy, like there's something living inside it."

"That's not possible," I shook my head.

"I don't mean actual life," he shrugged, his gaze still locked on it, "Maybe the energy is large enough to create life."

"You know, maybe it's registering spirit energy," I wiggled my fingers, getting a smile out of him, "You know? Like that paranormal stuff when they're hunting for ghosts. Like in the movies where the spirits look after things that should never fall in the wrong hands."

He raised an eyebrow, "...now you've gone too far. You've been watching too many movies."

"Just Scary Movie Two," I shrugged.

"No more," he pointed.

"Let's focus on the necklace, shall we?" I took it by the chains, avoiding the symbols which seemed to want to hurt me for some reason, "I suppose she made the necklace thinking in you," I looked at the two suns, understanding Kaeya's curiosity for them, "She really loved you..."

"Don't say that," he whispered, staring at the necklace sadly.

"It hurts, doesn't it? To lose someone you love." It didn't matter if it was love for your family or romantic love, love was love, and any time you lose someone it hurt millions. And I understood that perfectly with Liv and my grandfather.

"Please don't..."

"Why don't you accept that you love her?" I found myself asking the same question Martha had annoyed me with, now fully understanding the need to just know why one would refuse to accept feelings that were so clear.

"Because, I...no," he shook his head, looking as if it actually pained him to even think of the possibility.

"Doctor, it's alright to admit it. Sure, it could hurt because she's not with us anymore, but..." I stopped when he shook his head even harder, "...Doctor?"

"I'm so confused," he mumbled, shutting his eyes and leaning back on his seat.

I frowned at the way he looked, so pained and really...disdained. I just wanted to comfort him, maybe like Martha did to me, but I wanted to do more than that. I wanted to hug him, and all these things a friend couldn't say like how much I cared for him, how precious he was, and most of all, I couldn't kiss him til he was better.

"Minerva," he opened his eyes, opening his mouth to say something.

"Yes?"

But he closed his mouth and shook his head, "No, nothing."

"Doctor, you know you can talk to me about Kaeya whenever you want," even if it broke me inside, "Whenever you need a little reminder that it wasn't your fault, I'm here."

I managed to get a dim smile from him, "Thank you," he sat up, "And actually, I've yet to thank you for sticking up for me today. You looked so sure of what you were saying..."

"Because I am sure. I know it wasn't your fault. Mayar should be ashamed of how he treated you. Kaeya wouldn't have approved."

"Thank you," he said sincerely, "I'm just sorry I didn't get to show you the planet so you could write."

"Oh! That wasn't a problem, actually, cos looook," I picked up my journal beside me and waved it for him to see, "Guess what I just finished?"

"You wrote something?" he took it from me and opened it up.

"Star-Crossed, I call it," I watched him open the first page, "A tale of two people who became the best of friends despite of the differences of their people. Sounds a bit cliche but I changed it up. You're a Martian," I smirked as his face fell.

"I'm a...what?"

"Martian."

"You didn't."

"But I did," I nodded, my smirk threatening to turn into a big laugh.

"Minerva!"

"Kaeya remains of the monsoon and the moon."

"Why'd you make me a Martian?"

"Because I thought it'd be funny...and I knew it'd tick you off."

"Minerva!"

I started to laugh, "I'm really not sorry, though."

He sighed, so crossed yet not uttering another word for a minute or two as he skimmed a few pages, "Is that Martha?" he pointed at a paragraph that contained her name.

"Yes, it is. You can't expect me not to write in my best friend."

"I don't see a Minerva in here," and he skimmed more pages, "Why not?"

"Um...there was no purpose for one," I shrugged.

I did think of writing myself into the story but it actually pained me to write myself in a story where I still couldn't have the Doctor. Instead, I made Martha Kaeya's best friend, and the Doctor the one she loved...which she did.

"There's always a purpose for one," the Doctor mumbled as he continued his search for a name that would never pop up.

"Not in here there wasn't," I sighed, "But I think it turned out really well if you wanna give it a proof read before I turn it in."

"I'd love to," he handed back the journal.

"What?"

"Read it to me," he gestured, "The author should read her own work."

"Is my audience going to listen or cut me off at the end of each sentence?"

He raised a hand, making a promise, "I shall wait until the end to give my opinions."

"And constructive criticism? Because it'd be really useful. My writing grades aren't that hot right now, so...yeah?"

He nodded, "Til the end."

"Okay then, I hope Kaeya likes this. I know she thought Earth's fairy tales weren't good because they were unlikely. But, I believe I wrote her one that maybe she could dream up where she is. And in this story, she gets a happy ending."

He looked at me for a moment, making me question whether I had angered him or not, "You did that for her?" he asked quietly.

I nodded, "Yeah. She deserved a good ending and in this one she'll get it. Hopefully this is one fairy tale she'll like."

He smiled, "You did that for her...you're incredible."

I smiled, looking at my notebook to hide my blush, "Am I now..."

"Let's see, you listened to my ridiculous fantasy with a princess, went with me through a cave we had no idea what we'd find, but most of all made me see that I wasn't to blame for her death. And on top of that, you wrote a story about us. Yeah, you're incredible."

"You always say such things..."

"Because you always do such things."

"Well, thank you," I exhaled a bit shakily that I hoped he hadn't noticed, "So, shall I read?" he nodded, gesturing for me to begin, "Alright..."

But as I read, through the biggest smile I think I ever had, I felt his look on me the whole time.

And I hoped Kaeya would forgive me because I truly loved the attention I received from him and even if she were to pop around any time, things wouldn't change. I'd still enjoy his attention. But I promised myself one thing, and I intended to do so: if Kaeya was alive, and she returned, I would leave the TARDIS for good. Because under no circumstances would I be a third wheel again.

No more.

#ocappreciation #doctor who fics #10th doctor fics #doctor who #10th doctor #oc: Minerva Souza #oc: Kaeya Louvier #fic: next stop eveywhere

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moonlightheretic · 5 years ago

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The Heretic Chapter 5-Crywolf

A chapter from my Solavellan fic. The full series is on AO3.

Sand and water flew up like dusty spirits uncoiling behind us. The wind gnawed at my dry lips. The horse underneath me strained to keep the speed I demanded. Running and disappearing had become the main part of my life. City to city, town to town, I never stopped. I felt like a coward. Life next to the lake proceeded joyfully. Winter made little distinction here. The ground remained unfrozen and untouched by snow. The birds still sang gleefully as if it was summer. An orchestra of crickets, entangled in the long weeds, announced our entrance. The peace of the moment absorbed me and I briefly dropped my guard. If it wasn’t for the sudden jolt of the mare leaping over a fallen log I would have dozed off. As we neared a resting point I slowed into a trot. The skin underneath my fingernails tingled. A reminder of what I carried with me. A virus. I dismounted and walked into a clearing. I was tired. The mare was trained to ground tie. Something felt off, the crickets stopped cheering and the birds fell quiet. I was being followed.

Obviously. Yet there had been no attack since the standoff on the ice-covered lake. It put me on constant edge and fully alert. Another night vigilant and another, nodding off? Not acceptable. They were tiring me out, waiting until I was incapable of fending off an ambush. I could not completely lose them. They would eventually catch up and follow me, no matter how well I covered my tracks. Actually seeing them rather than just knowing they were tracking me, hurt more than I imagined. The worst of it was, these men were familiar. They weren't just any agents, but the Inquisition's finest. Sister Nightingale's handy work. Another knife in the gut, but the remorse for her betrayal would come later when alone and such thoughts consume me. No, I would not be afforded the luxury of masked men. She wanted me to stare into their faces as I slaughtered them, most likely to win my hesitation and use it to her advantage in this fight. Out of all of them, one stood out. He held his weapons slightly higher than the others and his eyes glistened with tears. His eyebrows appeared as though they were mere smudges above his eyes. Vinreal, Leliana's top agent, only second to Charter. I understood the choice she made between them. "What about your mother?" I asked in a small voice. "She, nor I can let your betrayal stand without being challenged." I shook my head. "She will never see you again." "It doesn't matter, she will know I died honorably, fighting for what's right!" Hooded men surrounded me. The Inquisition insignia proudly glimmered from their armor. My eyes gave a wide sweep, I counted eleven. "Eleven?" I scoffed. "If any of you make it out of this, tell Leliana she should have sent the army!" No, they wouldn't survive. It was either I or them. If one got away it would mean I was dead or captured. "She did," One spat. "Is this how you should conduct yourselves in the presence of your Inquisitor? How shameful!" I taunted. The 11 men gave no response. I glared into their emotionless faces. So resolute in their rage, so confident in my betrayal it burned in their eyes. I slowly pulled the noir glove off of my throbbing hand, I had been down this road before and I would need both hands fully functional. "I will give you one chance," I lifted the blades from my back, "Leave me or I will kill all of you." The men rushed me all at once and I started to swing, propelling a fatal rhythm and gaining momentum. Every nerve alive and screaming to move, reflexes charged to the maximum. The lighting runes in the blades sizzling as they sliced through flesh and bone. These men had families. I knew their names, favorite meal, their hometown and their undeniable loyalty to the Inquisition. Yet, I cut through them like they meant nothing. Just another enemy to knockdown. Just another body slumped over, another lying dead in my shadow, another bleeding from the throat, and another drowning in their own blood. The distinct sound of leather ripping pierced the air and I felt the cold sting of metal slashing into my skin. My shoulder now bled like a river, it would have to be ignored. I twisted to avoid another puncture only to come face to face with another attacker. I kicked him, using him as leverage for my back flip. I released a flurry of poisoned knives and watched four men go down. I parried an incoming blow. Vinreal and I remained deadlocked neither of us willing to relinquish the pressure. Blades screeching against one another, runes cackling and sputtering sparks as they mixed into the enemy's, creating a violet and blue smoke that warped the air around us. We grunted as both of us tried to throw our weight into the other, trying to gain an advantage by unbalancing the other. Sweat streamed down our faces, mixed with blood, not of our own. Vinreal was strong, and at least a head taller than me, I could feel him pushing my body backward with my heels skidding in the soil. It was the betrayal in his own blade that saved me from fatality. A sudden movement caught my attention-, in the grooved reflection revealed two men; disappearing into a cloud of stealth in a matter of seconds. They're flanking me. I swiveled on my right foot, releasing my hold on his weapons and the young man fell forward from his own force. Before he could reach the dirt I kicked him in the stomach sending him airborne. The two men appeared on either side, entrapping me and thrust their knives into my absence as I hit the ground and rolled away. I used this chance to deploy poison to the knives and the steel hissed in reaction. "Final chance!" My hoarse voice rang out. Of course, they didn't listen. We circled each other and I counted to keep track of them, trying to control the battlefield as much as possible. 'Two....three...' One was missing--- black spots dangled in my eyes and a searing pain in the back of my head nearly incapacitated me. Chest heaving, my body twirled and stabbed the attacker through the neck, both knives crossed in his jugular. Blood spattered into my eyes and I tasted iron. The other men closed in and lashed out, I dodged but took damage to my left arm. I was starting to tire, my mind dulling to the situation around me. They saw their advantage and took it. Ignoring the pain, my legs moved on their own and I impaled their hearts with poison. Slashing and slicing, I cut them all down until I was the last one standing. Vinreal hadn't even protested in pain. I cried out in anger, seeing the Inquisition's soldiers lying lifeless before me. These were my men and I had slain them. What would their families think of me now? Knees shaking, I withheld my urge to vomit. I felt sick. Leliana had trained them well. I bent down and picked up my glove, and fitted my hand inside, too ready to be done with my actions and move on. But, I should have known better than to drop my guard because plan B greeted me. They rose, emerging from lying flat in the tall weeds, bows ready with arrows, all aimed at me. They barely made a noise, not even a rustle, like ghosts. Archers, their silhouettes inked black against the sun, they had been concealed the entire time. I was completely surrounded. There were too many to count. Flashes of blue struck the men circled around me. The archers were turned into, what looked like, life-size chess pieces. All ill-willed intentions now chronicled in stone. I tasted blood on the tip of my tongue. The grip on the bloody daggers only strengthened. There was to be no relief. Footsteps, just light enough to be noticed for someone with a trained ear. I turned around cautiously, weapons still poised for combat. He emerged from behind the men in stone, strolling past as if they were no more than mere garden ornaments to be admired. "Inquisitor." A smile pulled at his lips. He briefly dipped his head down in respect for my position or rather what was left of it. "You were difficult to find." I would rather have had more assassins. "Dread wolf." I spit out. His smile faltered like a small flame in the wind. "Isn't that how I should address you? Or would you prefer that we continue with this lie, Solas?" I drew out the last few syllables of his name. "I am Solas, and was always so, but I am also much more, Inquisitor." He answered humbly. "You killed my men." "They would've killed you." I twirled the metal in my hands. "Leave me before I end you." Each word squeezed through gritted teeth. He sauntered closer, free of any concern for the weapons and intentions I may act out. He approached in measured steps and in a demeanor that read as relaxed. Oddly enough, his gaze was centered on my gloved hand. "You won't. We both know you won't because you cannot," he stopped a few paces before me, "I am not here to hurt you, Vhenan. Discard your knives. Please." He gestured to the bent grass under my feet. The wind buzzed in my ears as I hurled towards him, my arms spinning in lethal ringlets. A glint of blue and I collided with the ground. I lay there shivering as if I had been shocked. Adrenaline still trying to compel movement from my limbs. My wounds screamed and the ache in my head intensified. "Your effort is futile, your knives will bring you no benefit. I am not your enemy do not try again." Solas spoke sternly. His shadow enveloped my still figure as he loomed over. "So you say, but you have blurred the lines." "I see that I have a double agent. I was going to tell you of my true identity." The blue flash came again followed by my body's freedom. I weakly pushed myself up and sat back on my heels. Solas crouched down to my eye level. Movement on the horizon caught my eye. The silhouettes suggested a caravan of merchants, assisted by guards. If I could possibly get their attention...I wasn't strong enough to fight him alone. Solas sensed the idea forming in my head. He had seen the caravan too. He motioned his head in their vicinity, "You want to drag innocents into this? That is unlike you Lavellan," Solas maintained eye contact, "Go ahead,-" he nodded, "-Cry wolf, Inquisitor and I'll turn those people into statues," The elf challenged with a frightening tone. "I no longer know you," I responded, mortified. “You are a monster.” The muscle in his long neck twitched in response. "The Solas I loved...was gentle, valued the lives of others and he wouldn't kill anyone without justification." It was an attempt to reach him. Perhaps, if there was even a tiny thread left of his old self, I could tug it into the light. "I am still here," he whispered, "but I am called to a purpose that will reshape the world. Even if I must tear this world apart in the process. Sacrifices may be necessary." His shoulders slumped. "I must right the wrongs I've committed." "I held the sky together with my bare hands Solas...I can't let you destroy the world I worked so hard to save. Two wrongs cannot make a right." Solas looked over me, his mind ticking. "You are pale. Inquisitor, you are losing too much blood." I winced when he put his hands on my injuries. His pupils flashed and I felt the flesh knit back together. "Thank you," I muttered lowly. The power he had was unnerving. It was still unknown to me of what he was capable of. I was not bold enough to move any further and let him reach for my gloved fingers. His stoic expression exchanged for one of concern. The rough leather was gently pulled from my palm and the air tingled at my fingertips. The anchor's glow bloomed around us, tinting everything with its hue. It rejoiced in its newfound freedom from the smothering glove. He tossed the glove behind him in subtle disgust, I noted, I needed that. The involuntary flinch from his proximity did not go unnoticed. His hand covered mine barely reducing the light emanating from its source. Solas's long fingers caressed the burning skin. It had been years since I had felt his touch. My heart leaped and old memories threatened to resurface. "Had I not followed Leliana's spies, perhaps I would still be searching. Or you would be..." He trailed off grimly. "You've been looking for me?" He stared into my hand as if looking through it, at something else entirely. "You were never meant to bear the anchor. I'm sorry...I am so sorry it has caused you so much turmoil." There was no shred of anything to suggest his words were insincere and regret knotted his eyebrows. "I know that you do not trust me. It's understandable and well deserved. Let me relieve you of this burden, Inquisitor." I backed away, shaking in rage and pain. To my surprise he let me go. "Please, I can save you. Take my hand." He reached out gently and I recoiled as if I had been slapped. "No. No! I won't give it to you!" I snarled. "Then it will overpower you and you ... will not survive." He clasped his hands behind his back and watched me with profound worry. "I can handle it. This pain is nothing compared to the consequences of giving it to you!" "You have limitations, Inquisitor. Learn to accept them." He stated a matter of fact. "You cannot sustain it. The anchor was not intended for you!" I glanced at my fallen daggers and then met his unyielding eyes. "If that is what it takes to save this world! I will gladly take this anchor to the grave before I ever let you have it! Traitor!" "Your noble integrity has always amazed me but, you are being foolish. You think the pain unbearable now? It will grow worse and it is…a slow death." He paced back and forth, "You resist change...you will always resist. As mankind has done for centuries. You would prefer to toil and struggle, even when-" Solas shook his head in frustration. "You sound like Corypheus." Fury was a barely adequate word to describe it. Eyes flashing, teeth barred, "We are nothing alike! He was a corrupted magister with a paper crown on his head and a nefarious mind filled with filthy aspirations! I stand before you as Solas, my mind is clear and my goal is salvation for us all.”

"He aimed to restore Tevinter to its former sovereignty. You want to restore the elven times of old and in the process rip this world to pieces. I see no difference." It struck me fast; the wind knocked out of my lungs. Knees buckling under me and as the green light intensified, I couldn't stop the guttural scream that left my lips. The anchor felt like it could explode, the blood in the veins actually boiling. I could only hold on to it in some pathetic attempt to keep it together. "Please!" Solas gasped desperately. He came forward and grabbed my hand from my own clutches. Using all my strength I pushed him away and attempted to stand only to end back up on the ground rather ungracefully. Eyes wide, Solas watched helplessly as I resisted my body's compulsions. "Ma Vhenan," He whispered, "it's already progressed into this state." I rolled on to my back hugging the hand to my chest as I struggled to regain composure, but they were just fractured attempts to keep my head above the waters of insanity. The pain subsided moments later, though it felt much longer. "You don't need to suffer so much, Vhenan I want to help you because I..." I scoffed, "Childbirth was worse." A smirk replaced my face's aching contortion and I wiped the tears from my cheeks. "This is nothing." "Moon'Hwa-" "Don't!" "When I left-", "When you left? You didn't leave. You left your spies to run rampant in my fortress. You were just too cowardly to remain yourself!" "She wasn't supposed to happen...none of this was supposed to happen!" He gestured around him. "I don't want to hear your bullshit excuses, Solas!" "I didn't know!" His hands closed around my face. "I only found out recently, I promise you!" "You abandoned the Inquisition! You abandoned...me...us." my voice wavered. Panic was etched into his features. His eyes searched my face as I held my breath, trying not to drown in the sea of emotions that threatened to overcome me. The episode from the anchor still fresh and affecting my mind. "I know and you are correct. I couldn't let you distract me from my purpose. I wanted to stay so badly...but I could not." "Her eyes belong to you Solas. I see you every time I look at her and it hurts so much." For a moment the future of Thedas and the Dread Wolf dispersed from my thoughts and I could only focus on the ache and longing in my heart. There was sorrow in his voice. "You have hidden her from me Moon'Hwa." He rested his head against my forehead and his thumbs stroking my temples. "Do I have the right to ask why?" My eyes closed to shut out his caring ones. "When I found out who you were...I was afraid of what you would do about her. I thought there was a possibility of you...of you," my voice shook, I could not even say the words. "I would never hurt her! I wouldn't dream of it!" He spoke firmly and his fingers pressed into my face. "She is the most wonderful little being I have ever seen." My eyes opened at this. "She wanders the fade when she dreams, Vhenan." He smiled, "I met her there. She does not know who I am." I was speechless. "You are raising her alone, I am so sorry.”

"Solas..."

"Spirits watch over her. They tell me her stories." "Your friends?" "Yes." Solas rested his hands on my shoulders. "That's why you need to stay alive...even for a little while. Our daughter needs her mother." "She has yet lived life. You want to end the world she will grow in. Solas, you have already cut her wings." "I do not make this choice easily, Moon'Hwa, but I have confidence that she will thrive in the world that I will build for her." I leaned my head into his armored chest. "I've thought about it so much; if I ever saw you again, what should I do? Say?" His palm flattened in between my shoulder blades. "I wanted to scream at you, hit you.... sometimes I just wanted to kiss you." My voice broke, "I wondered if you ever thought about me...or what you left behind." His voice was at my ear and he held me close, "do not be mistaken Vhenan, my feelings for you were always true. I never discarded you from my heart." I wrapped my arms around his neck and embraced him tightly. I could feel his face nuzzle into my neck just like old times, his larger frame sinking into my embrace. My left arm reached into the air. "I am sorry Solas." "Wh-" The fade rift ruptured into the clear air above us. It's force rippling in the sky like a pebble thrown in a pond. Undulating in air. I untangled myself from him as the rift disabled any movement or magic from him. Glove and Weapons found and sheathed, I didn't look back.

#solavellan #the dread wolf #fen'harel #solas romance #solas x lavellan #solas dragon age #trespasser #daifanfic #dragonageinquisition

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