#and the way they don't end up getting together at the end has me in AWE

[foxyatlas]

I think this is such a huge part of the conversation about purity culture that is often completely overlooked. And it just-- infuriates me? Like, it all goes back to "Evangelical Christianity is massively fucked up and bad for everyone".

Like, you have a religion that VERY INTENSELY promotes heterosexual marriages, with no sex outside of those marriages. And to the men you say "your desires are unnatural and fucked up, your lust is evil, you need to hold yourself back otherwise you'll be a monster". And to the women you say "you shouldn't have any desire, but you are a symbol of lust and a temptation for every man around you. You should do everything possible to protect your 'virture'."

No wonder women and men in these spaces have such a hard time interacting in any sort of platonic ways; they've been trained to see each other as spiritually and morally dangerous!

And then, okay, a heterosexual couple gets together and decides to get married (after a few months, usually). The expectation is that they DO have sex on their wedding night. After the man has spent years shaming himself over every sexual desire or any expressions of lust, he is supposed to be sexual and lustful towards his wife. And after the woman has spent her entire life suppressing her own sexual desires (bc women shouldn't feel sexual desires) and being "good" by being non-sexual, she is supposed to have sex with her husband.

It's a recipe for absolute disaster. You get two people in a room who have been trained from birth to see sex and desire as evil, and you tell them, "go desire each other and have sex and it'll be beautiful". How?? How in the world would it be beautiful?? How are either of these people set up to be emotionally and sexually vulnerable with each other??

At the end of the day, it's not about sex at all. It's about control through shame. Tell people "the things you want are evil" and watch them self-monitor religiously for their entire lives, so focused on not being bad that they don't ask questions.

I cannot express how jarring it was after being raised by a "Porn Addiction Coach" to get into a relationship with a woman and come face to face with the fact that she did actually want me to sexually desire her.

Like, in Evangelical Purity Culture, male desire was basically poison. It was a threat. It was this constant temptation that would destroy everything. And even after leaving, in the sort of queer, feminist spaces i spend most of my time in that wasn't something that pretty much anyone was spending time actively dissuading me from feeling.

But my desire is good. It's not something that I'm being accepted in spite of. It's a positive thing. It's a bonus. Not even just vanilla stuff, all the stuff I'd convinced myself were these weird terrible desires that were shameful to have.

It honestly took me over a decade to fully accept that. To stop dissociating during sex and confront that I was, in fact, being a massive perv and that was fantastic and preferable and that I could accept that into my self-image without shame or self hatred.

But it's important to do. It's important to leave relationships that don't welcome that part of you. To know that your sexuality is valuable and valid and worth owning and celebrating. Because the alternative is just...not being. Either existing as yourself and repressing the part of your identity that is sexual or allowing that sexuality to exist but turning off your self while it does.

[rimatsu]

Ok convince me to reject caution and embrace delusion. Why are you so hopeful? 

the safe bet is definitely caution. but regardless of initial intentions, nothing is ever set in stone in the 911 writing room and that’s reason enough to remain hopeful. still, when people say the chances of a reconciliation are non-zero, i think that’s low-balling it. at the very least, we’re at 10% chance, 90% faith.

granted the interviews i (unwillingly) absorbed via osmosis don't exactly inspire confidence but again: 1) tim is fickle as the wind and writers can change their minds at the drop of a hat, 2) nothing that was directly stated by actors or showrunner contradicts the idea of a makeup arc, 3) if the breakup was intentionally designed as a temporary hurdle they’d imply otherwise anyway (oh god i sound like Them don't i.... this is a cry for help)

the reasons why 8x06 could qualify as a temporary split have been extensively discussed so i’ll try to be brief (spoiler: i failed) before tackling what i’d like to see in 8b. buckle up buttercup, i’m a yapper:

1) the breakup wasn’t written as definitive or unfixable. buck and tommy didn’t part because of irreconcilable differences or because passion/attraction fizzled out. if they wanted that door closed, tommy could’ve simply said he was uninterested in pursuing long term commitment with buck, that they’re not compatible in the long run — there: a clean, uncomplicated break. instead, we’re told that tommy desperately wants to be the person buck settles down with, but he’s convinced buck is propelled by the excitement of novelty, that he suspects buck is latching onto him for the wrong reasons, that he can’t allow himself to merge their home life together in fear he’ll never recover once buck wants out. the implications here being tommy is in love with buck already. for his part, buck came to the realization that he wants a future with tommy and immediately decided to pursue it because that's just the type of man he is: never one to do things by half-measures, seeing no value in waiting once his mind is made up. so there’s no conflicting desire there. they want the same thing: permanence with each other. the next two episodes also paint a strange picture if the goal is a definitive separation. buck bakes excessively in an attempt to cope when he never needed a coping mechanism following a breakup before, and we’re told several times that he wants to reach out — in fact buck was about to reach out until he was physically stopped. in total, 3 tommy mentions so far. usually we get the one and then buck moves on to greener pastures (abby notwithstanding, but she's an exception and not the rule, main character privilege and all). we were even deliberately shown that tommy considered contacting buck on his own. that's establishing regret and a desire for reconnection on both sides of the equation. again, that’s a never seen before: tommy is an outlier. completely unnecessary if the breakup is a done deal. whether they follow it through or not, the aftermath was written in such a way that there’s ground for a reconciliation if needs be

2) this is the first buck break up to happen during the first act of the season, something that’s normally reserved for the finale for maximum impact. why this distinction? strange placement for the end of a romantic storyline if you ask me.

3) they're never going to replicate a LI that checks out as many boxes as tommy does, or recapture the romcom magic that was 7x04-7x06. and it's fine if they don't, not all endgame romances need to be the most memorable of the bunch, but it'd be stupid to let the remaining potential go to waste. it's undeniable, the show is nearing its end, i don't imagine they get renewed past s10. if they go the natalia route again and introduce a LI at the last moment, it's going to pale in comparison to the other viable option, one that has pre-established history and connection to buck/the 118. inadvertently or not, they set up an epic love story of intertwined fate. tommy has literally haunted the narrative since the pilot: one of the very first thing abby reveals is that she’s not over tommy breaking off their (retconned) engagement. as such, tommy has played a pivotal role in shaping buck into the man he is today: if tommy hadn’t transferred out to harbor station, buck wouldn’t have found his family and his life purpose. if tommy hadn’t left abby, buck wouldn’t have realized that emotional intimacy and romantic connection is what he seeks. if tommy hadn’t kissed him, a huge part of buck’s identity would’ve remained buried and unexplored. how are they possibly going to top a red string theory dating back 8 seasons? they can’t. i’m sure they’re aware of that.

4) why bring our attention to tommy’s admiration and envy for a tight-knit unit like the 118, on three separate occasions, if the ultimate goal isn’t to reward him and integrate him into the makeshift family?

5) idk what it's worth, if it's worth anything at all, but there’s been a substantial amount of displeasure voiced over their breakup. tommy is buck’s most well-received LI to date. they took a risk with the Big Bisexual Reveal and it paid off with increased engagement and viewership. if they were still debating a reconciliation, surely they've heard that at least some people will eagerly welcome a makeup arc with open arms.

i'm a broken record so i'm probably repeating myself but here goes my ideal timeline for the rest of the season (not a speculation, not wishful thinking, but a secret third thing):

i'm gonna operate under the assumption that the breakup happened solely so buck could be at his lowest for the kidnapping plot line with a minimal/reduced support system (no boyfriend AND no best friend around when his pregnant sister is abducted). in other words, i don't think buck will be in a place to venture back into the dating world by 8x09-8x10 quite yet (i don’t actually buy the buck-dates-the-serial-killer theory). he's handled the breakup fairly well but now with the kidnapping & eddie gone/in the process of moving, i assume that's when he really starts to spiral.

(if we get a fourth tommy mention here, i'd say it's a promising sign. it’d be a purposeful way to keep him in viewers’ radar after the 4-month break)

i think getting maddie back after a few days of fear and uncertainty will be a breakthrough for buck and he’ll make a conscious decision to move on from his funk by the end of 8x10.

ideally “jumping back into the pond” would take place in 8x11 to 8x13, starting with a comedic montage of buck in a string of various failed dates. this is the part of the season where i expect him to utter the word bisexual, probably when the topic of exes comes into play. every other queer identity in the show gets labeled and stated in no uncertain terms, but bisexuality is ever only vaguely implied (nancy in ls) or shown but not explicitly spoken (buck and eva). it’s frustrating. personally i choose to believe buck’s lackluster reaction to maddie’s questionable “how many men did she turn gay?” joke was intentional on the writers’ part. it was the perfect opportunity to reaffirm his sexuality but buck didn’t bc he's not fully in tune with his queerness yet. yeah he speedran through his coming out but recalibrating your entire identity after 3 decades of presumed heterosexuality is a complex process rifled with ups and downs. i hope it gets explored with more care and depth in future episodes.

supposedly we know two things: the fling is another form of coping mechanism, and it's short-lived. chances are it's going to be a woman, and i'd love for it to be a bi girl bc 1) yay bi4bi m/f representation, 2) he's dating someone who can intimately relate to his experience and can maybe offer some additional clarity where clarity is still needed.

my other preferred scenario is that he meets a guy who immediately clocks that buck is still hung up on his ex and not emotionally available for anything more than casual fun. basically give buck a sex friend who can expose him to the LA gay scene. if my memory serves me right, OS said he'd like to see buck in queer spaces. i would like to see it too (we could’ve had that exploration with tommy but i digress….)

long story short, he eventually meets someone he has chemistry with, but it's still not as easy or companionable or butterfly-inducing as it was with tommy. buck gets back home from the seemingly successful date and he just... starts baking — wordlessly communicating to the audience that he’s still plagued by Tommy Thoughts.

now if i put on my clown shoes, i’d say the bts pictures of the 217 engines suggest an upcoming bucktommy reunion on a call (surely they were made for a reason. right. RIGHT????), ideally in 8x14. i’ve babbled about it here, but the sparknotes version is:

- there's a 5 alarm high-rise fire requiring ground and aerial ops. tommy is tasked with delivering firefighters to the roof, including the 118. the chopper ride to destination is understandably awkward but professional enough

- tommy joins ground ops once he’s completed his maximum hours of flight. he ends up trapped in a pocket of rubbles with buck after a partial structural collapse. that’s when they hash it out. it’s not pretty: they’re on edge and exhausted and full of adrenaline and words aren’t sugarcoated or minced. but they’re honest, and afterward they understand each other’s perspective.

it has been said before, but i don't think buck registered the underlying message of the breakup. we know he doesn't handle rejection well, and it's likely he was so hyperfocused on being told no that he didn’t compute the “no matter how much i want to be (your last)” part. that’d explain the 118’s strange response to the split. if i was told “my boyfriend broke up with me because he thinks i'll eventually break his heart once i figure out he's not who i truly want” i’d strongly advise communication before calling it quit prematurely. but if my friend told me “my boyfriend broke up with me when i asked him to move in bc he doesn't think we'll last bc i don’t know what i want” i would trust that they relayed the correct story and i too would discourage contact.

anyway buck has stated that he doesn’t want to chase after someone who doesn’t want him before, but now he knows that wanting was never the issue with tommy, that the breakup was fueled by insecurities and fears and trauma rather than disinterest. at first, it’s presented as reaching a necessary closure: once the fire is contained, buck and tommy part way with another “see you around, buck. i truly hope you find what you’re looking for” and a bittersweet smile. except now buck has had another breakthrough, he’s full of renewed resolved and clarity, and he’s ready to fight for this relationship, so he shows up at tommy’s doorstep the next night and pleads his case.

in 8x15-8x16, we see them readjust to being a couple except this time, it's with the knowledge that they both want serious in the long run. maybe they discover facets of each other previously kept under wraps for the sake of 'keeping it light and breezy'. also they fuck/fade to black on screen (this is imperative)

the last two episodes are focused on the closing disaster, whatever that might be. in this hypothetical timeline, we get a few more glimpses of domesticity. maybe even establish the setup for a move-in next season when bucktommy discuss buck’s lease.

you can have the helicopter crash as a treat for s9. once they're truly settled with each other and it's bound to be more devastating.

voilà <3 apologies and congratulations for your perseverance if you made it this far. the answer was never supposed to be this lengthy or tangencial oops can you tell i’m obsessed. terminally ill even

[suiana]

yandere! childhood friend who still reminisces about your childhood together. yeah, the two of you may be grown now but he's been your day 1 and he just can't help but think about how you used to cling to him and adore him so much! he wishes you'd still do that but it is what it is. no matter how much he wishes otherwise.

yandere! childhood friend who did everything with you. yeah, that also includes practicing kisses. he's your first kiss, and he's never gonna let you forget that. you said you wanted to get better and who is he to refuse? he can't pass up such a prime opportunity! and it's not like he wants anyone else to take it. god no. that would be a tragedy.

"yeah, remember our kissing practices? hah, we were such kids back then!" he watches as you snicker, feeling a warm flush creep up his spine. god, of course he remembers. young and immature as you both were, you both learned together. that's all that really matters to him. "thanks to you, i can now makeout with my partners with ease. you're the best man." and has he told you how muchit infuriates him that you're using your experience to get with others? to please them with the mouth that once touched his? nah, he really can't stand for it. but he isn't allowed to say anything. he's just a childhood friend after all. not for long though.

yandere! childhood friend who wishes he would've accepted your offer to learn how to fuck as well. but no, he just had to be way too delusional back then and tell you to wait for the right one. he must've thought that you'd feel the same and confess then he'd court you slowly before getting to that stage... that never happened unfortunately. not yet at least. he'll make it happen.

yandere! childhood friend who's still a hopeless romantic at heart. a delusional one but a romantic nonetheless. he brings you out on "platonic dates" or whatever the fuck you like to call it, comfort you after your shitty excuse of a partner dumps you, and treats you like the deity that you are. you only deserve the best and he'll be there to provide. none of these losers can't treat you well. he can. he really hopes it'll help you see him as a potential boyfriend!

"i just," you blow your nose, tears streaming down your cheeks as your childhood friend rubs at your back tenderly. "don't know why he'd want to dumo me! we've been going strong for a year already! it's so out of the blue!" yeah, out of the blue huh... not really out of the blue for someone who's been actively theeatening that poor excuse of a man. that menas him, obviously. why he's been threatening him, you ask? because he's not treating you the way you should be treated, duh! sure you look happy but are you really? probably not, he's sure of it. "hey hey, don't worry... I'm here now, aren't i?" he always is, and he always will. you just need to understand that fact and you'll start seeing him in a different light too. don't worry, he has lots of patience. just... don't go sleeping with other people again.

yandere! childhood friend who may or may not be totally super duper mega in love with you. yeah, definitely not in love with you. that would be weird, right? come on, he's your childhood friend! sure you two might've kissed when you were kids and promised to marry one another but those were kiddy promises! that's all they are! he... totally doesn't believe you actually wanna marry him and be his forever and ever.

"so have you started thinking about your future?" he pauses at your question, rubbing at his empty ring finger. future, huh? funny how you ask that when you two are destined to be together at the end of it all. i mean, the two of your promised it as kids, didn't you? sure you're exploring now but at the end if the day, it's him that you come back to, don't you? even if just as a friend. but that's the present, not the future. "nah, not really. just wanna focus on the current moment, y'know?" bullshit, and he knows it. but he doesn't wanna scare you away. not yet at least. you're still out lookign for others which means you haven't come round to the idea of you two together. not to worry, he'll give you a little more time to see how good he is. how good things could be between you two if you just gave him the chance. "i mean, you're here with me." he chuckles, taking your hand in his before placing it on his cheek. you're warm. he likes your warmth, it's so soothing. "that's more than enough for me." half lidded eyes gaze at you, full of emotion and hidden longing before he hums softly. the teo fo you sit in the park in silence, enjoying each other's presence. in the moonlight, everything seems to slow and engulf the two of you in a quiet embrace. he only wishes you would just love him back already. "yeah, I'm glad to be by your side too, best friend." ...he really hates those words. don't worry, good things come to those who wait. and you will be his in due time. you've already had his heart, now all he needs is yours.

[cheyisagirlkisser]

need cowgirl vi so bad it’s insane

cowgirl vi headcannons (slightly suggestive!)

-general headcannons

℧ Sports a pair of Lucchese boots and off-brand boot-cut jeans that are snug around her thighs. Of course she wears a belt with an impressive buckle sat snug on the center of her body. MANY worn-looking flannel button-ups, especially when it’s too chilly to just wear a tank top and she needs to layer up.

℧ Her back looks sculpted from hard labor, but her thighs? They're firm with muscle, littered with some stretch marks from growth during her teen years.

℧ Has freckles on her tanned shoulders, which are usually faded during the summer when breaks in horses for extra cash in her white wife-pleaser.

℧ Very extensive vocabulary! Her most used word is "y'all" and "hell", but it's pronounced more like "hail."

℧ Very well-read. Favorite novel that you'd find a typical cowboy reading is Lonesome Dove. She loves The Outsiders, even if it's on the mainstream side of literature. Secretly loves herself some Shakespeare. Much like me, spends hours awake at night trying to find the hidden meanings behind the playwright's words.

"She oinked poison in your ears, and you just ate it!" hamlet reference?

℧ Has a farmdog! A border collie she named Roxie. She spend a few weeks building a nice doghouse beside her own farmhouse for the pup, but is too soft-hearted to make Roxie sleep outside half the time.

℧ More of a southern cowboy than a western. You may wonder the difference, but the accent she has is mostly a cushy drawl than something smooth and slurring.

℧ Has a taste for old black and white shows, like The Twilight Zone and Gunsmoke. You find it boring, but there is a strange comfort in watching your favorite cowgirl doze off in her recliner, boots still adorned with the usual western accent audible in the background, much like white noise in the womb.

℧ Was a horse girl in middle school. Not the type that pretended to be a horse and neigh (though she had a small phase, much to her denial), but rather begged Vander to buy her a horse so she could learn to ride.

"Vi, horses are expensive. Plus, if I let you have a horse, then Powder's gonna want a pony." Vander reminds her for the thousandth time, the conversation a day-to-day routine at this point.

"I know, I know! But I just want one. I don't want a whole ranch, just one." She pleads, already prepared to drop to her knees and beg or do a marathon of chores if Vander so asks.

He sighs, and she holds her breath. Is that a sign of relent...? "Fine. One horse."

And so, Vi was given her very first horse at 11. Vi named her Butterscotch. It took a while to get used to riding, and she even fell off once.

℧ Ended up owning at ranch and her own farmhouse at the age of 23 with the help of funding from her town. Farms do good in southern economies. She was rather well-known around the area for her help with training horses and ponies, as well as being a bullrider at the local rodeos.

℧ Got into plenty of barfights, most she won. Most honorable mention is the time she knocked a 6’5” man out for accusing her of cheating at the bull-riding competitions.

-cowgirl vi x fem! reader headcannons

℧ Really domestic. Loves the idea of having you live with her at her farmhouse, folding laundry together, and stealing kisses from you while you work.

℧ Favorite types of physical touch are having you on her lap and playing with your hair. She'll laugh at the way you call it impractical, but she needs you sitting on her thighs any chance she gets. You can't seriously oppose, though. Not when it feels nice to put on a pair of shorts and feel her bare, warm thighs on the backs of yours. She loves to comb through your hair also, kissing the top of your head as she coos words in that thick accent of hers.

"Had a long day, baby?" She asks, voice thick and dripping like honey. Not seductive or sensual (unless she's in that particular mood), but rather low with the moon in the sky.

You nod, letting out a yawn as you rest your head on her shoulder. The domesticity always feels nice.

℧ Watching her move on a mechanic bull is the worst and best thing that could ever happen to you. You can only watch, very much impressed, as her hips jump to keep up with the movements. Her hair is all messy, stray reddish-pink strands nearly sticking upward. Some of her hair hangs down her tattooed back, and you have to stop yourself from simply screaming at the sight. When she eventually falls off, she comes rushing back to you with a smile that reminds you of a golden retriever's. Like a dog bringing you a bone, it's adorable.

"Did ya see that? A whole two minutes!" She exclaims, laughing nearly hysterically. She abruptly pulls you in for a kiss which you eagerly open up for. This is the best part, when your cowgirl riles herself up on the bull and has what seems to be unlimited energy. And trust me, she gets affectionate with energy.

℧ Taught you how to play pool before you started dating, during that weird limbo of flirting but not official.. Her hand resting on your arm, guiding you. Her voice very audible, as her mouth stays close to your ear.

"Not too fast, just hit it with the stick. Pay attention to where the ball goes." She guides. Your hands are shaking with nerves, and you miss the pocket. She doesn't laugh, though. Instead, she gives your waist a squeeze with her free hand, planting a kiss on your cheek. "That's okay. You still did good for your first time."

℧ Big hickey enthusiast. She loves leaving little love-bites on you, and sucks a few marks on your stomach and thighs.

℧ Uses her winnings from the rodeos to spoil you. She tries to be the gentlemen type, so often she will take you on dates to the diner in town or even drive a few towns over into the city to see a movie in a theater.

℧ Likes when you wear her cowboy hat to go out, it makes her feel oddly possessive. Anytime you need to run an errand, she’ll take off her hat and basically crown you with it. It’s like she’s giving you her hoodie or a t-shirt of hers to wear, except it’s her expensive hat that had a feather on the side of it.

[charmedimsure]

Your writing is just fucken scrumptious 🌟🌟 if you don't mind, Can you write about Thanos's reaction to a Nana osaki fem! Reader? (Like reader got her style, career, and personality) {plus points if reader is pierced, like Se-mi} You can make this into a one shot if you like ;))

i have beef with you, anon. i watched the first episode to try and get a better grasp on her personality and i got hooked. holy crap that anime is sad but so good. decided to add others cuz i fell in love with this character

SQUID GAME X NANA OSAKI! READER

including: thanos, nam-gyu, dae-ho, in-ho

warnings: squid game stuff, blood, violence

THANOS

Thanos is not completely sure how he got himself in this position.

He's laying on the floor, his throat being squeezed by player 001, who's fist is positioned to hit him again.

"I'm sorry," Thanos manages to get out with the bit of air he still has in his lungs. "Please. Please let me go."

Player 001 let's go and he rolls over, bringing his own hand to his throat as he tries to suck in deep breaths to get as much oxygen into his lungs as he can.

The players around them break out in applause, praising the man for beating up Thanos. As the man walks back into the crowd, the soft sound of laughter can be heard from behind Thanos.

The rapper turns, ready to tell off whoever it is that's laughing at him. His words die on his tongue when he sees the source of the laughter is you.

You're sitting on your bunk, head tilted back in laughter. Your hair falls to the side, exposing your piercings. And for the second time today, Thanos' breath is stolen from him.

The next day he approaches you right before the second game.

"Señorita, excuse me."

You turn, an amused smirk gracing your face as you recognize the boy speaking to you. "Oh, it's you. How's your throat?"

He knows you're making fun of him, but he can't help the small flutter in his heart because you remember him. "Let's play the game together."

You bring your hand up to support your chin, showing off your rings. "Yeah? Why should I?"

One of the players behind him gives you a dumbfounded look. "Don't you know who he is? He's Thanos the rapper."

You chuckle as he recites one of his lines. Truth is, you do know who this is. You and Thanos had played at a few of the same places. You doubted he could remember though. He was always high out of his mind.

The other player behind him puts a hand on his shoulder. You recognize him from one of the clubs you play at. Nam-gyu, if you're remembering correctly. "Hang on, a girl? We don't know what the game is."

Thanos pushes him away, his eyes still on you. "I'm gonna destroy anyone who gets in my way," he says, punching the air in front of him.

You let out a chuckle. "Whatever, man. Just don't get me killed."

NAM-GYU

"Two."

Nam-gyu turns to Thanos, ready to run into a room with him. It's the last round and they're definitely getting out of here alive.

Thanos shakes his head quickly, looking between the three of you before ultimately grabbing Min-su's hand, dragging the boy toward one of the rooms.

Nam-gyu just stands there, watching as the person he's looked up to since before they even ended up in this shithole chooses some kid over him.

"Come on!" you yell, grabbing Nam-gyu's wrist and pulling him along after you. He nearly falls over but stays on his feet, running after you to a pink door. Nam-gyu goes in first.

As you're entering the room, a man grabs you by the hair, yanking you backwards and out of the room. He takes a step forward before a foot makes contact with his crotch, causing the man to let out a yelp of pain. He falls to his knees, revealing you standing behind him.

You push him out of the doorway, coming in and closing the door just in time for it to lock.

Nam-gyu stands in the back of the room, massaging his wrist where you grabbed him.

You catch your breath, looking at the man in the room. "Sorry, did I hurt you?"

Nam-gyu scowls at you. "You could've broken my wrist, you bitch."

You scoff, putting your hands on your hips. "You're unbelievable, you know that?"

Nam-gyu just glares at you.

"You've been rude to me since you met me for no damn reason. And now when your 'friend' chooses someone over you and I step in to save your fucking life, you're still finding things to complain about!" You huff. "Get over yourself."

You turn your back to him. Nam-gyu thinks about your words. You're right, he has been rude to you since you joined their team. He was really just jealous because Thanos was paying more attention to you than to him. And now you're the whole reason he's alive and all he had to say was "you could've broke my wrist".

You pace back and forth, trying to get over you anger without physically attacking the boy standing by the other wall. You hear him mumble, which gets your attention.

"What was that?"

He sighs. "I said thank you."

You just look at each other. You study his face, seeing a hint of remorse in his eyes. You nod, a silent 'you're welcome'.

"Let's just hope those two idiots made it to a room on time."

DAE-HO

Dae-ho looks through the crowd of people. He'd jumped at the chance to prove himself a useful team member and find a fifth person for the game, but now he's struggling to choose. Everyone is either already in a group or isn't the kind of person the others are expecting him to bring back.

"Hey," a voice says behind him.

Dae-ho whips his head around and his jaw practically falls to the floor when he sees you looking up at him. Your hands are shoved into your pockets, the expression on your pierced face calm despite the situation you're in. Dae-ho is sure he's never seen a girl who looks more intimidating than you. Or more beautiful.

"Do you have a team yet?" you ask.

Dae-ho just stands there, staring at you with his mouth still open, brain trying to comprehend the words you just said to him.

You furrow your brows. "You okay, dude?"

He snaps himself out of it, nodding. "Y-yeah, I'm... uh... I'm f-fine."

You smirk as he tumbles over his words, finding the man endearing. "So, do you have a team yet?"

He nods. "Uh, yeah, yeah I do have a team."

The smirk on your face drops. "Bummer." You take one of your hands out of your pocket, giving him a small wave as you take a step back. "Well, good luck."

"Wait!" Dae-ho yells louder than he meant to, gaining the attention of a few people around him. You look back at him, an eyebrow cocked. "We, uh, actually need one m-more person, if you want to join." He knows you're not the person they wanted Dae-ho to find, but he has a good feeling about you.

You smile at him and he swears this is heaven. "Yeah, that'd be great."

He leads you through the crowd towards his own team. Jung-bae is the first to notice him. "Dae-ho, did you find someone?"

Dae-ho nods shyly, stepping to the side to reveal you behind him.

Jung-bae's smile falters. "This is who you got?"

You look between both players. "Is this a problem?"

He puts a polite smile back on his face. "No, miss, not at all. We were just expecting him to bring back someone more..."

"Male?" you finish for him. You look at the other men in the group. "It seems like you have enough testosterone in this group already."

Player 001 steps toward you. "Are you confident you can win this game?"

You nod. "I don't plan on dying in this place."

He turns to the others. "Let's let her join."

Player 456 steps forward. "I agree."

You turn to Dae-ho, smiling and giving him a small thank you nod.

He smiles back, a blush coloring his cheeks as he kicks at the sand on the ground.

IN-HO

"I saw what you did, you sick fuck!" a voice shouts.

In-ho looks up from his coversation with Gi-hun, eyes immediately finding the purple haired player in the middle of the floor. Another player is standing behind him, chest puffed out.

A plastic spoon is thrown at the purple player's chest. In-ho looks across the room to see a girl marching toward him. You. Your fists are clenched and the look on your face could send fear into the hearts of anyone.

Player 230 chuckles. "Saw what, Señorita?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about," you growl. "You pushed those people! You killed them!"

"They would've died anyway!"

"They could have made it!"

He laughs again. "Who cares, it's more money for us." The player behind him, 124, snickers.

You scoff. "Well, why don't I do us all a favor then and add another 100 million won to the pot?"

Player 230 laughs out loud, raising an eyebrow at you and stepping closer, "Oh yeah? And what are you gonna be able to do?"

Gasps come from everyone in the room as you lunge at him, knocking the both of you to the ground. Player 124 watches with an open mouth, too shocked to do anything.

Player 230 looks up at his friend. "Help me, you fucker!"

Player 124 nods and kicks you off of 230. You manage to get to your feet, throwing a punch at 124.

He stumbles back, touching his fingers to his nose and pulling them away to find blood. He grits his teeth at you. "You bitch!"

He swings at you, which you manage to dodge until the other player kicks you in the back of the knee, sending you to the ground. You kick his legs out from under him, getting on him to hit him again.

In-ho stands up, pushing past Jung-bae and Dae-ho to the center of the room. He pulls you off of player 230. You try to attack him again but In-ho has a tight hold on you, putting his body between you and the rapper.

"They're not worth it," he says to you. "Don't get yourself hurt over this."

You look at the rappers face, smirking when you see the imprint of your ring on his cheek. You throw the man's arms off of you, wiping the blood from your face with your sleeve as you walk back to the bunks, a few players on the sidelines clapping for you.

In-ho turns to face the boys. Player 124 is helping 230 off the ground, both bleeding. Scratch marks can be seen on 230's face from your nails. He's lucky you didn't claw one of his eyes out. He looks back at you, watching you sit down on your bed, holding your sleeve up to your split lip.

You're someone he's gonna keep his eye out for.

Squid Game Tags: @thebiggestigurosimp @vvnbxz @lov3yy @miltzzy @l5byrinth @come-as-you-are-111 @starkeyszn @learninglinesintherainn @galactict3a @sawlover353 @jspidey5 @skywalker0809 @zannispppp @lianobody @ihrthoney @machii-d3arr

Dae-ho tags: @whatthefuckeryfuckityfuck @ally1uvsu @hiphip-horray @k1michii @tpwkcaryslizb @louissst28 @sshwaa @jennwonwoo @sunnysurvives @lalalaa2210 @tayshs @sunshinethatlooksalive @plntmxrss @lxnnrobin @mariaxman @alexx-iia @batty-barty-crouchjr @kxsm3t @takuma-talkz @peacemakersbeloved @skywalker0809 @soobinbunnie5 @dragons-h0ard @silas-222 @putrescentpoet @chrisgetsmewetter @sunhyeswife @smile1318 @casually-simping @slvtforfakemen @ang3licbabydolly

lmk if you want to be added to the taglist :)

[seokminfilm]

mystery of love | jeon wonwoo

🪄 pairing, jeon wonwoo x reader

🪄 warnings, non-idol au, fluff w a bit of angst, best friend's older brother trope, confession, mingyu is mentioned as wonwoo's sister's boyfriend, reader is a mess, open ending??

🪄 summary, sharing a bed with your best friend's older brother (who also doubles as your two-year crush) takes a turn for the better.

🪄 author's note, lots of people have been asking me for a part 2 to the professor wonwoo fic but i don't think i'm ever gonna write one, so here's my peace offering to you all 😭 ALSO this was WAYYY longer than i expected it to be BUT i still really like it!! i'm probably going to do a poll to see what type of fic lengths you all like...anyways, enjoy lyrnation! (and yes yuna is referencing the one and only @jjjjeonww 🤍)

🪄 now playing, mystery of love, sufjan stevens

🪄 word count, 2.1k | for @kstrucknet

"i've got to talk to you," yuna has a nervous look on her face, and you pull away from the conversation with mingyu, approaching her with a matching worry. "what's up?"

"so....apparently there's a mistake in the system," yuna sighs, walking up to you as you stare at her confused. "what do you mean by that?" you question nervously, and yuna sighs again, running a hand through her dark hair.

the four of you─you, your best friend, yuna, her boyfriend, mingyu, and her older brother (and your long-time crush), wonwoo─all went out of town to celebrate her acceptance into her dream college. she had been looking forward to the trip all semester, and now that she was out for a two-week break, the trip was underway.

everything was perfect on the way here─the weather was nice, the traffic was minimal, and the music wasn't that bad (mainly because wonwoo had the aux). even when you arrived at the upscale hotel, the vibe of the place was warm, and you couldn't wait to get in a warm bed and watch youtube to your heart's content.

apparently, that's not what was going to happen.

"the lady that helped us buy rooms swears up and down she has us paying for three, but the system only says we have two." yuna points to the recipt on her phone, clearly showing there were only two rooms reserved.

"so, what does that have to do with me?" you ask confusedly, and yuna glances at wonwoo, currently texting someone on his phone, listening to mingyu ramble half-heartedly.

"you and wonu are going to have to share a room." yuna coughs out, and you nearly squeal, eyes widening like saucers as you gasp loudly, directing the attention of a few patrons.

"share a room? with him? come on, yuna, you know i can't do that." you blush, rubbing the back of your neck shyly. yuna was aware of the two-year crush you've been harboring, and she's been overly supportive of it, doing everything in her power to push you together.

she was also aware of how shy you were when it came to her brother, and how complicated it made things when you were shy and wonwoo was usually closed off.

"this could be the night that finally sets it off for you too! plus, mingyu and i want to share a room tonight─" yuna pauses to sigh dreamily, to which you roll your eyes.

"wonwoo will kill mingyu if he does anything," you mutter under your breath, and yuna purposefully steps on your toes, earning a hiss from you.

"he's not going to know, so it doesn't matter." yuna states proudly, crossing her arms. "anyways─" she continues quickly. "─this could be the night that finally gets you and wonwoo together, and the lady at the desk is getting a bit pissy with how much mingyu and i have bothered her, so..."

yuna trails off, leaving you with a gobsmacked expression. imagine that: sharing a room with your best friend's brother who you also had a massive crush on. your night couldn't get more laughable than this.

"we'll take the rooms!" before you can stop yuna and beg her to not leave you with wonwoo, she's already taking the keys from the cranky lady, having mingyu take your luggage as the four of you reconvene.

"wonu, you don't mind sharing a room, right?" yuna asks her brother. wonwoo shrugs, his blank expression not very confirming as he nods. "i don't mind." his voice is still so shockingly deep, and it still makes you jump a little, hoping it wasn't noticeable.

(it was, as you saw wonwoo glance at you from the corner of his eye.)

"okay, cool! here's your room key! you two are right beside us, so just knock if you need anything! mingyu and i are gonna go for a snack." yuna hooks her arm into mingyu's muscled one, and you know your mouth is wide open, because mingyu mocks your expression before yuna pinches him, causing him to hiss to himself.

"why can't i go with you?" you plead, doing anything to stop yourself from having to stay behind with wonwoo─alone, mind you─and sleep in the same bed as him.

"this is a date, silly. it's for kim mingyu and jeon yuna only. are you one of those people?" mingyu teasingly asks, and you glare at him, eyes sharp as he chuckles. "that's what i thought."

"okay, now, bye!" yuna says quickly, giving you a not-so-discreet wink as she yanks mingyu back into the lobby.

now left alone in the awkwardly quiet hallway, wonwoo looks down at you. he's always towered over you, but now, it feels like he's gotten five inches taller (or it could just be the nervousness talking). his sharp eyes have hardly any emotion as he looks at you for a split second, and he just takes his backpack and your luggage in his arms, quietly heading to the room down the hall.

not knowing what else to do, you follow him from a distance, awkwardly fidgeting with your hoodie string as wonwoo fishes the key from his back pocket, unlocking the door with ease.

the two of you quietly pile into the nice furnished room, and wonwoo places your things down, backpack now on the floor as he yawns.

"you can go ahead and shower first, if you want. i can wait." wonwoo's voice is deep, bouncing off the walls of the room. you nod quickly, fishing through your drawstring backpack as you get your pajamas.

after your hot, ten-minute shower, you step out of the bathroom fully clean, quietly maneuvering your way around the room. wonwoo has his headphones in, reading a book as he sits on the bed. his posture is scarily straight, and so is his face─as if it's not 24/7.

his full lips are pressed shut, and his sharp eyes survey the pages slowly, taking in every word as he flips the pages a few minutes later. he's discarded his hat, short hair still scarily neat. wonwoo was really an attractive man, you thought to yourself. even if he didn't try to be, he was naturally distracting.

finally pulling yourself away from secretly admiring wonwoo's strong figure, you drop your clothes beside your suitcase, awkwardly grabbing your phone and climbing onto the bed.

wonwoo doesn't pull his attention away form his book once, and you sigh, preparing yourself for the worst as you pull up enough courage to tap his hand.

when you do so, it's soft and warm, making you blush at the tiny contact as wonwoo's eyes flick to yours. he takes his airpods out quickly, closing his book as he turns to you.

"are you done with your shower?" he asks simply, to which you nod.

"thanks for letting me go first, by the way. i was really tired, so it meant a lot." your words spill out from your lips faster than you want them too, and wonwoo cracks a small smile─a smile─at your blushed expression, nodding.

"no worries." wonwoo says, and you smile, watching him get up as he closes his book and places it on his bedside.

"oh, and wonwoo─" you start, surprised that the thought you were formulating in your head came out of your mouth. wonwoo stops short, turning back to face you as his piercing brown eyes lock with yours.

"i hope─i hope that you weren't offended by my overreaction or anything. i just..." you trail off, cheeks flaring hot as you sigh. "i didn't think we would have to share rooms. it just caught me off guard."

why were you specifying this? you didn't really know. you really did care so much about what wonwoo thought about you that even the natural reactions you had always had to be justified to wonwoo. you really were in love with this man─so in love it was painful to watch.

wonwoo shakes his head, cracking another small smile as his deep voice replies. "it's fine. i mean, yuna didn't really try that hard to fix the problem, and it was unexpected. i'm not hurt by it," wonwoo takes his glasses off, revealing that side of him you only rarely saw early in the morning or late at night.

"oh─oh, okay good." you hold an awkward thumbs up (why did you even hold that stupid thumb up?), and wonwoo matches your energy, holding your gaze for a bit longer before grabbing his sleeping clothes and heading into the bathroom.

sighing and considering suffocation by a pillow, you settle for just trying your hardest to go to sleep, closing your eyes and turning on rain sounds. you could deal with your racing heart tomorrow morning.

your heart did not wait until tomorrow morning.

your phone was dimmed, but even when you turned it on, it was too bright for you. glancing at your screen, you saw it was 12:15 am, and it felt like it too. the hotel was completely quiet, save for the distant hum of a tv and the crackling of the air conditioner.

wonwoo's sleeping beside you, breaths deep and steady as he stays bundled up under the blanket. his eyes are closed peacefully, lips still as he sleeps. he has an oversized shirt on and matching sweatpants, decently covered (thank god) but still comfortable.

sighing, you stare at him, saying nothing as you watch his slight movements. wonwoo really was a beautiful human being, sculpted perfectly by whatever higher being there could be. everything was perfect about him, from his thick eyebrows to his strong nose, and everything in between.

"are you okay?" wonwoo's voice is raspy and deep from disuse, and it makes you freeze in your bed, surprised and embarrassed.

"yeah, i'm okay. i just can't sleep," you sigh, and wonwoo turns on the lamp on his bedside table. it lights up the whole room in a warm, golden glow, and illuminates the dark room, which you're grateful for.

"me too. i guess all those energy drinks mingyu bought haven't worn off just yet." wonwoo rubs at his bare eyes, and you laugh, sighing into the sheets.

"why were you drinking all the ones mingyu wouldn't finish? i thought you were stopping the whole energy drink thing," you remark, and wonwoo doesn't say anything, looking at you as he weakly smiles.

"i did say that, didn't i?" he questions, and you laugh again, nodding. "you did."

the two of you laugh together, and the tension in the room seems to fall to nothing for just a split second. your heart is still hammering in your chest, but it's because you're happy. being with wonwoo in this moment doesn't feel like you were forced by your circumstance to sleep in the same bed with him. it feels domestic, in a way, natural in the way you're looking at wonwoo like he hung the stars in the sky.

for the past two years, you had always wondered why you had a crush on jeon wonwoo. he was completely different from your best friend and your usual type─he was quiet, studious, low-energy, and emotionally stable. wonwoo was rarely moved by outside factors and always seemed to keep to himself, minding his own business and going his own way when he felt he needed to.

you had finally found why you loved him so much tonight, in this moment.

wonwoo was everything you needed in your life─you needed someone to bring balance, and he was perfect for the job. you admired him for who he was and admired him because he was what you wanted to be. you wanted wonwoo because he made you want yourself. he made you want yourself to be the best person you could be.

for yuna, for him, and for most importantly─yourself.

"you're thinking about something." wonwoo says softly, voice deep and pressing as you nod slightly, inhaling and exhaling. "i am."

"i'm thinking..." you trail off, rethinking everything. you could lay everything down right here, telling wonwoo how you feel. so many things could change from tonight─change from right now, or you could ignore it all, going back to the way it was before.

why would you do that? you've gotten so far now.

"i'm thinking about how much i love you." your voice is barely a whisper, and you swallow, eyes filling with tears as you finally mutter the words you had been waiting to mutter for two years.

"i'm thinking about how much i love you and want to be with you." you add, and wonwoo turns to face you, eyes so soft they feel like feathers dancing across your skin.

"i was thinking of the same thing." wonwoo says lowly, smiling at you. his arm is just inches away from yours, and you know it too, growing the courage to reach out and hold his hand.

your hand fits in wonwoo's perfectly, and at that moment, you feel like a piece of you is finally complete.

[ashen-char]

dating anora mikheeva hcs 🔞

ship: anora mikheeva (anora) x gender neutral reader

notes: a mix of nsfw and sfw so 🔞

✦ ani doesn't talk about the club much when she's at home. she wants to just chill with you, have a space where she doesn't have to even think about that

✧ at most, ani complains about the schedule, about how diamond's on her ass about perceived client-poaching. the creeps and weirdos? they don't deserve her attention, not when she's with you

✧ whenever you're curious to visit, she shuts it down fast. she likes that you don't know what her work persona is like. likes that (besides the fucking irresistible clothes she brings home) you haven't seen any of it

✧ with you she's free to be anora. your girlfriend, sometimes clumsy sometimes making ill-advised decisions. always going with her heart rather than needing her guard up

✧ ani doesn't mind doing personal strip teases for you though. but she makes sure to make them nothing like what she does for work. with you, it's foreplay, no money, just to see that desire in your eyes that's all for her

✧ and she feels secure knowing that you don't view her as a piece of meat or a sex object. she can show you her latest choreo idea and you wouldn't escalate things, knowing there's a time and a place for those things

✦ anora is passionate and expressive, wearing her heart on her sleeve and not afraid to show you the depth of her feelings

✧ which is why she fucking hatesss when someone's fake and not upfront with her

✧ whenever you're avoiding questions or are hiding something, she's on you like a hawk, making you spit it out so you can deal with it Together. whatever it is

✦ you catch her humming russian lullabies to herself, and when you ask her what it is, anora gets frustrated with herself because she doesn't remember why she knows it, or the words

✦ anora is a hopeless romantic. love at first sight, soulmates, call her naïve but she sees no issue in dreaming about that once in a lifetime love. she'll never regret striving for it (even if it gets her in situations that she does end up regretting)

✧ as such, your girl is a sucker for romance movies, especially anything to do with disney (pirated of course, fuck big corporations) and will make you watch them with her over and over

✦ ani hoards jewelry, especially whatever you give her. cheap, flashy, whatever. she likes being able to wear them and think of you

✦ BIG reality TV fan. the drama makes her feel like her own life is calmer in comparison plus she loves shitting on the weirdo dudes with the HQ girls

✧ ani swears that if she ever got cast on a reality show, she'd be the fan-favourite or the villain Easily. and she's a-ok with either as long as people have fun watching her

✧ competition shows, talent shows, whatever the ones following one family/cast are called (like bling empire or kardashians), she'll watch anything.

✧ ani gets overly invested into reality TV couples and she especially loves to get you hooked on them. such a sense of pride when you finally admit that yes, you actually were eavesdropping and yes, you wanna know what they're arguing about now

✧ big soft spot for underdog characters (especially if they're old or have a sad backstory) and she gets irrationally angry or even upset for days if they get eliminated

✦ ani gets easily attached to cheap stuffed animals she wins from claw machines and refuses to throw them away even when she's made a pile that makes it hard for you to navigate the bedroom

✧ and let me be clear, she is NOT good at these claw games. she blows way more money than it would've cost to just buy the toy in the first place. but it's about the thrill of the win!

✦ ani has a sharp memory for faces and names, a skill she picked up from working in HQ

✧ and your girl? she holds a grudge. she'll remember she hates someone from an incident years ago and refuse to go back there, even if she forgot what words were actually exchanged

✦ anora always goes to the nail salon and treats herself to a mani-pedi, every two weeks

✧ it makes her feel more like herself, more put-together, more like a person. if she doesn't have at least nail polish on, she'll complain to you that she feels all naked

✧ she tends to go for bright colours or sparkly decals, to lighten up tough days

✦ anora refuses to cry in front of people, but you know she's a softie. she says she doesn't mind you knowing, for whatever reason, because she's alright feeling vulnerable around you. you're a safe space

✧ the first time you ever saw her cry was when her birthday rolled around and her mother sent a very heartfelt and sweet birthday message - basically saying that she wished she could be there, that ani should come visit soon, that she misses her baby girl

✧ she's a big animal softie too. she especially has a soft spot for stray cats and always stops to feed them if she has extra food. if vera wasn't so allergic, ani would sneak all of them home

✧ ani tells you about how as a kid she wanted a pet so badly that she was at her best friend's house 24/7 to play with their dog. and she'd offer every weekend to give him a bath, take him on walks

✦ ani loves amusement parks, not for the rides but for the feeling of being surrounded by excitement and energy

✧ especially a theme park. she's not the type to get embarrassed that it's "for kids", she'd definitely start up conversations with the mascot actors and take heaps of pictures

✦ ani makes playlists for basically everything, every mood, vibe, or situation she's in

✧ the one she puts on all the time is "main character energy"

✧ the habit started because she likes making her own dance mixes, but it creeps into your personal lives as well. she insists on having the AUX cord if you go on a road trip, for example

✧ and you know her sexy times playlist is hot as fuck. whenever she hears any of them on the club on the radio, she thinks of you and sends sexts about how she wishes you were there right now to deal with her sudden arousal

✦ her favourite position used to be riding, either cowgirl or reverse. she liked how it let her control the pace, the angle, and the depth

✧ plus it showed off her dancer's flexibility. she could lean back and arch her spine, roll her hips sensually, using her core strength to grind her clit against your pubic bone in just the right way to drive you both crazy with desire

✧ the power and control of straddling you and riding until you both reached their peak... that's a common fantasy for ani

✧ anora loves the proud feeling that blooms in her chest when she's bouncing on you and she watches your face contort with pleasure. all because of her. the sight is so fulfilling for her

✧ she knows what she likes. her most mind blowing orgasms is when she's setting the pace and making sure you're hitting the spot

✦ but with you, she's grown an appreciation for more intimate positions. the ones that used to make her feel too vulnerable and she thought she disliked. turns out she just needed the right person to try it with

✧ now, ani loves being held close and wrapped up in your arms as you take her from behind, spooning her. it reminds her of lazy mornings where you can't get enough of her, because you just need her that early

✧ plus she loves loves loves the neck kisses you sneak in that way, or how you reach around to mess with her clit

✧ it feels so much more intimate and sensual when you're pulling her body flush against yours. she always gasps so prettily when you slowly rock into her

✦ anora loves overpriced coffee shop drinks, even when she complains about how much they cost. she gets so many vanilla and caramel shots in it because she's got the world's biggest sweet tooth

✧ speaking of her sweet tooth, you learned early on in your relationship that the easiest way to get her to forgive you or to go along with plans is to promise a sweet treat

✧ she's too lazy to go grocery shopping with you? maybe there's a bakery with the best bear claws right across the road. accidentally raised your voice while you two were play-arguing? nothing a slice of cake can't fix

✧ you seriously wonder how she's never had a cavity when half of her diet is sweets and vape smoke

✦ as much as she loves new york city, ani daydreams about running away to a small town but never does because she knows she’d be bored in less than a week

✧ but during pillow talk, she paints such vivid images to you about what it'd be like to live there together, in a little cottage where you two are self-sufficient

✧ solar panels and water tanks, of course. some chickens in your yard to collect eggs for breakfast every morning. a swing hanging from a big tree where you two can push your kid

✧ anora is a dreamer, constantly envisioning your future together

✧ the details and specifics change day to day, but what she does know is that the life she wants to build is one with you by her side

[spidori]

Just because it's funny and relevant, allow me to direct you to the astronomer's periodic table

Which consists of hydrogen, helium, and then variations on the base element "metal"

"Short" explanation below the cut for those interested

Ok, so, hydrogen is the simplest element. It consists of just one proton and one electron with no neutrons (most of the time), which are both elementary particles. This simplicity means that if a bunch of elementary particles were to be produced by some massive explosion or something (like a Big Bang maybe?) when those elementary particles were able to come together what you'd end up with would be a whole lot of hydrogen.

So why helium? Well, because fusion. Helium is the next step up the chain. If there's a situation in which hydrogen can fuse, it would make helium; that's what stars are. If hydrogen keeps coming together, it will eventually produce a gravity well, and on an astronomic scale that gravity well can get very strong. Eventually, it's so strong that hydrogen gets squeezed together so hard that it gives up being two hydrogens and becomes a helium. That's fusion.

To understand why the rest are just a bunch of different kinds of elemental "metal" there's one thing we need to know about fusion (I promise to keep it as simple as I have been so far.)

We've seen that fusion makes energy, and fission (which is just the opposite process) is something that also makes energy. So if we could do both, could we just go back and forth and make UNLIMITED POW- *cough cough* excuse me- a free energy cheat code? Well, no, because physics is a devout worshipper of The Inevitable End.

Turns out it's more like two hills on opposite sides of a valley. You can fall down either hill, but once you get to the bottom of the valley, you can't fall back up, you have to put energy into climbing back up, because The Inevitable End hates sledding.

That's why the square which would normally be Iron in the picture is called "star killer metal." Turns out- because complicated physics which don't matter- that iron is The Inevitable Fate of ALL Things because it's the single most stable element, and once a star is fusing things into iron it's gonna start losing energy to further fusion pretty quickly.

So how is there anything bigger than iron if fusion in stars won't make it (or at least only a tiny bit before energy problems start to crop up)? Well, energy is what keeps a *lot* of things from happening in the star which are incompatible with it's continued existence. One of which is that it kinda keeps the star 'inflated' in a way. Let all the energy leak out and the star 'deflates' collapsing in on itself and crushing all the stuff it's made in its core through fusion together. The larger the star was when it started to deflate, the more gravity to crush things. If the star was the right size the crush happens in a very special way which causes a massive explosion (a super nova) with enough power to cause a bunch more fusion and make some of all the other things at random.

So why does this mean that everything else is just metals? It's because the universe is baby. It may be older than we can comprehend, but it's nowhere near as old as it *could* be.

In other words, most of the hydrogen just hasn't had the chance to randomly come together and do the fusion dance yet. Helium has to be made before it can do its own fusion dance, and that holds true for each successive dance down the chain to iron. So most of the universe is hydrogen, and most of what isn't hydrogen anymore hasn't had a chance to make it past helium. Everything else up to Iron hasn't had a chance to form very much of itself yet because the ingredients are still so rare that it's really unlikely, and everything after that is a whole separate mess with its own special unlikely occurrence on top of the fusions. So, for the sake of simplicity, astronomy just says they're all "metals," because most of what you see when you look up at the sky is going to be just hydrogen and helium, so that's what you're gonna be studying in a lot of astronomy, at least until the universe is a whole lot older.

An elemental magic system based on the periodic table, but the author gave up at the first 10 (H, He, Li, Be, B, C, N, O, F, Ne) and the rest of the elements are fire, water, earth and air and also metal

­

[kanmom51]

Is this JM I see on Weverse or is it a mirage?

Well well well, not a mirage. Indeed JM has given us a sign of life.

And quite a sign of life it was.

Before I share some of my thoughts on this, let's look at the numbers for a sec.

JM posted 29.1.2025 at 20:30 or 8:30 pm KST.

On Weverse it shows up as 29 Jan 20:30.

2+9=11

1+2+3=6

We get:

11/6

Which happens to be the day they are discharged from the military.

Coincidence?

I think not. Not when it's JM posting. Not when he's talking to us about the "what comes next after military"...

But there is more...

If we take the date: 29.1.25

2+9+2=13

1+5=6

13/6

Same date 29.1.25 and we can play around with the numbers some more:

2+9=11

1+2+5=8

8/11

One more of those times where JM's choice of date and time leave you wondering...

Yes, this was JM sending us a Happy New Year (Seollal) message. And Seollal was on 29 January this year. But it was celebrated between the 28 Jan and 30 Jan, so he could have sent the message either on the 28th (that's also when we got the message from Jin and Hobi) or the 30th. He chose to post on the 29th. At the time he did. And he also decided to let us in a little, more than just a cute HNY greeting.

Now that I got that out of the way, let's talk about what JM actually had to tell us.

Translation by @btsinthemoment

Obviously I want to talk a little about what JM had to tell us about JK and himself.

I thought of sharing a few translations here. They differ a little one from the other, but the gist of it is the same.

This one is from @btsinthemoment

and a couple more from AI online translators:

and this one:

Before I get to what JM says here, I do feel the need to remind everyone of just how intelligent JM is, how thought out and well spoken.

This post came to mind:

Don't listen to me, listen to JK.

JM is super articulate and ever so careful when he words his messages. They ever so often are layered and nuanced (just like his songs).

And this message from him is no different.

The structure of the message. I - WE - I. Talking about himself - sneaking in the talk about JK and himself (WE) and finishing up with going back to talking about himself (ending it with his love for us). You might even look at it like a prologue - story - epilogue... framing the "WE"...

As part of the "prologue" JM talks about his daily routine in the military.

He really doesn't need to mention JK at this point, tell us they spend their spare time together, because JK already did.

So, JM just mentions the daily routine, tells us how his days are more or less the same since he's enlisted, but that there has been a change since the start of the year. And this change is in the content of the conversations he and JK have before sleeping (and I do think he's talking about 1 Jan 2025, not Seollal, since he's talking about conversations that the two are already having).

Listen to what he's saying.

The content of the conversation has changed since the start of the year, but them having these conversations, that is very much part of his daily routine.

He is saying it loud and clear:

"Prologue":

"The actual story":

And just like JK "happened" to mention JM in his live (no "happened" what so ever, it was fully intentional, including the whole "when we shower together" comment), JM "happens" (nope...) to mention JK.

This is intentional.

They are telling us something.

They are intertwining their messages.

A message from JK is still a message from him, but he is telling us how JM is part of his life, his day to day life, including the miniscule things like exercising and washing up.

A message from JM is still a message from him, but he is telling us how JK is part of his life, his day to day life, including the ordinary things like having those conversation just before sleeping.

They want us to know (not only speculate or guess either way) that their daily routines are intertwined with each other. Not out of necessity (to those that claim they didn't choose to enlist together or that enlisting together didn't mean spending free time together), but out of choice (spending free time together away from the others, showering daily together, having heart to heart talks before going to sleep).

Let's talk about JM's use of "we" shall we?

Again, this is JM presenting himself and JK to us as a unit.

He is telling us that he and JK have these meaningful heart to heart conversations just before going to sleep.

This is said obviously, clearly. But it's, once again, layered.

JM's words can be seen as talking, planning their professional lives moving forward.

JM's words can also be more.

And make no mistake. JM is in touch with the other members. Members he is super close to and with whom he has conversations about the what and how of after military service. And yet, the ones he is having with JK are the ones he is mentioning. These are not only about the what and how. These are about MORE. And here is where the layering and nuancing comes into place again, JM being JM.

The way he just adds it in: "and what kind of lives we will lead from now on..."

The translations are a little different in their wording, one talking about what kind of life they will lead moving forward or what kind of life they will lead in the future. But to me the message is one and the same.

The two thinking, contemplating, discussing how their lives will look like moving forward together. The two of them.

They are having conversations about how their future will be. And this is once again JM showing us how important they are to one another. What they are to each other.

Someone they plan their future together with.

And I can't help but wonder if this message is one more of little (or not so little) hints and crumbs we've been getting from them since their joint enlistment that something is going to change once they get out. Not with them. They have always have been good and will be good. But about how they will be presenting themselves to us. Not just as individuals (that too), but as the two of them together.

A couple perhaps...

[angstywaifu]

Black Dahlia - 31. The First Betrayal

A/N: Well hello all the new followers we've gained since Onyx Storm! I can't say thank you enough for all the follows, likes and comments on my posts. But I can give you guys another bonus post for Dahlia as thanks for hitting 1000! Though I don't know if this part is really fitting as a thank you..... Summary: The quadrant is celebrating the end of the first part of War Games, but it's not a night for celebrating for everyone in the Quadrant.

Garrick Tavis x OC (Dahlia Aetos)

Black Dahlia Masterlist | Masterlist | Support Me

“Why the hell are you hiding up here?” Bodhi’s familiar voice calls out to me from the end of the corridor.

Below us in the rotunda and dining hall everyone was celebrating the first part of War Games being over. I can see the other Wingleaders crowded around Damon, most likely asking him how he’d gotten three hostages from places not marked on the map. He was way too happy we had pulled it off.

”Just don’t feel like celebrating.” I tell him as he sits on the opposite end of the window ledge I was sitting on. It was one of the few corridors of the dormitories that had windows looking over the Quadrant.

”You are so weird sometimes.” He comments with a shake of his head. “Is it anything to do with what your dad said when you found him?”

I turn my head, cocking an eyebrow at him, but then I realise Xaden must have told him. “Nothing I’m not use to. Forever the black sheep of the family. Or black Dahlia in my case.”

My mum had named me after the flower as it was one of her favourites. She also loved the meaning behind the flowers. But after what had happened, my lovely father often referred to me as a black Dahlia. The meaning of that one a far cry from the reason my mother had loved the name.

"Why is that? He seems to love Dain. I remember him boasting about him at Threshing. But you… It’s different. It’s almost like he wishes you didn’t exist. And Dain seems to follow in those footsteps to.” Bodhi stating the obvious. God I hated how observant him, Xaden and Garrick were.

”It’s because he does wish that. Both of them do. Because if I wasn’t here, I wouldn’t be a constant reminder of what happened.” I admit to him, turning my gaze back to the Rotunda.

”What did happened?” Bodhi’s tone shifting to worry.

I shake my head and laugh. “You might be my closest friend in here, but just trust there are things I can’t tell you. He might actually murder you if he found out I told you.” I turn and look him in the eye. “Every family has their deepest darkest secret. And for my family that’s me.”

My words hang in the air between us. Bodhi watching me intently as he lets what I say sink in. I can see the slight betrayal in his eyes as I withhold the information, but I also see understanding, as if he himself understands first hand why I can’t tell him. Honestly, he might be the only person that does understand me keeping it from him.

”Right. So what’s happening with you and Garrick?” He asks, easily changing the topic to something much lighter but honestly just as frustrating.

”Nothing is going on there. And nothing will happen there.” I tell him sternly as I narrow my gaze at him.

”Right, so nothing happened that night he found you in the gym wailing on a punching bag?” He pushes with a massive grin on his face.

My eyes widen slightly, “How the hell do you know about that?”

”Oh you have left our poor Garrick in quite a state. Don’t think I’ve seen him so pent up and no outlet to let out his frustrations.” He informs me joyfully. He was getting a kick out of this situation, and I hated it.

But his words register in my mind. Austin and Garrick’s comments playing over in my head. Had he actually stopped sleeping around because of what I’d said?

”What do you mean?” I ask, even though the pieces are clicking together in my head.

”You have left quite the impression on him. Which honestly is impressive. Even before the Apostasy he was like that. Sleeping with a different girl every few weeks or months. Not really phased on anything serious. But since you turned up, he’s been different. I honestly never thought I’d see the day he’d stop sleeping around or focus on just one girl. And the fact it’s you just makes this even better.” He says with a smile.

I know Bodhi wouldn’t lie to me. Even though he should be my enemy and someone I should avoid, he was probably the person I trusted most in this place. And the way he was getting too much joy out of telling me about Garrick’s frustrations, I knew it was true. Garrick had actually stopped sleeping around. Holy shit. Garrick was right. It was all right in front of me and I had chosen to ignore it. If I had just listened to him or Austin…. would things be different?

As if on queue to wreck the moment a couple stumbles into the hallway. And Bodhi’s words suddenly mean nothing as a girl from first wing pulls a tall and bulky cadet with dark curly hair and a familiar relic on their forearm around the corner. Both of them completely oblivious to the company they now keep. I was use to betrayal and the sting it left behind. But somehow this stung way more than any betrayal I’d ever had. I shouldn’t be hurt. Not because of him. But here I was, with my hopes slightly lifted that he might actually care about me, for it to all be ripped away just as quickly.

”Way to fuck that one up Garrick.” Bodhi grumbles, just loud enough for Garrick to hear.

Garrick’s head whips up towards Bodhi and I. I watch as his eyes go wide, all colour draining from his face as he locks his eyes with mine.

”Fuck. Dahlia-”

"Save it, Tavis!" I snarl, my voice sharp enough to cut through the air. Even Bodhi flinches, shrinking back at the venom in my voice. I shove myself off the window ledge, turning away quickly, desperate to hide the sting of tears welling in my eyes. I force my voice to be steady as I throw my parting words over my shoulder. "Enjoy taking her to your precious stables." The words drip with bitterness, echoing behind me as I storm down the corridor. The heavy thud of my door slamming shut sends a final, thunderous note reverberating through the hallway, drowning out the faint tremble in my breath as I lean back against the door, an unfamiliar wetness rolling down my cheek.

@imtoanonymousforyou @simplyme-fornow @omalmal @lalaluch @wolfbc97 @leptitlu @fullmoon-94 @the-fandom-ness @fan-of-many-bands @awkardnerd @heeseungthel0ml @acourtofsmutandstarlight @fairchild06 @freyagallileaevans @pit-and-the-pen @hannraumari @elliot-rain @thestarseternaal @stupid-and-contagious01 @hyperfixation-train-station @lxnvmvrzx @thebreadisthetruevillian @red0202 @fangirling-galore @craftytrashprincess @taliyahvermillion @xadenswhore

[spiderb00bs]

- Lying To Me, Lying To You

Tara Carpenter x reader  (request)

"Tara has lied to herself her whole life, and she thinks it's time for it to end” 

Genre – fluff, angst and Smut at the end          

Warnings – smut, and bit of internalized homophobia? 

Now playing – Lied To, by Zayn 

Tara Carpenter hadn't known you in a long time, not so much when she knew her sister, or her friends, or her boyfriend. Tara had known you for six months, six months fucked up with confusion and questioning. Young Carpenter didn't want to, she didn't want to be weird when you were around, saying weird trivia about horror movies to you, just because she couldn't sit still around you. She didn't want to watch every moment of you like a fucking crazy woman, not being able to take her eyes off you when you did the smallest things. And she definitely didn't want to walk away from Chad every time he got close to her. 

Chad was a good boy, he was kind, funny sometimes and he was very good at sports, he was everything a girl would want, right?! He also sided with Tara when all that Ghostface craziness happened. He was a nice guy. So why couldn't Tara love him like she should?

Tara's head was spinning, she was in the corner of the room, having already had more drinks than she could remember, and from that corner, she had the most beautiful view of the whole party, you. Talking to your other friends, you had a plastic cup in your hand. You wore baggy black jeans, and a shirt that fits your body well, Tara is sure she has seen many other people like this, but none of them had ever been as perfect as you. 

Tara wasn't alone, but she had run away from Chad an hour ago, trying to find a way to get away from the boy without hurting him. Tara felt bad, she felt like all the tears she'd held back since she met you were about to overflow. Tara wanted to cry, kick, scream at everyone, her body ached without your touch, and her eyes watered when she remembered all the minutes she couldn't be around you.    Tara wasn't confused, she never was. The denial, everything she convinced herself to live were just consequences of a fear that she had deep in her chest. She knew that what she felt for Amber – Before all the events – were not things that a straight girl felt for her best friend, she had lied practically her entire life. 

But with you, she couldn't contain herself, she was stronger than anything, even Amber. Tara wanted to die every time she saw you walk by, she wanted to die whenever she had to sit next to Chad when you and the rest of her friends hang out together. She wanted to be sitting next to you, she wanted to hold your hand, smell you, hear your laughter, she wanted to be with you.    The taste in Tara's mouth was bitter, and she couldn't really tell if it was because of the cheap drink she had, or because she wasn't in your arms, laughing at whatever stupid thing you were saying to your friends, and being introduced to them as your girlfriend. 

Out of the corner of her eye, Tara saw Chad, probably looking for her in the crowd. Being quick, Tara hurried her steps towards the kitchen, looking back to make sure Chad hadn't seen her, Tara bumped into someone, losing her balance and closing her eyes when she was sure she was going to fall to the floor. When she felt a hand holding her by the waist, Tara was relieved, but not as much as she was when she saw your face.    "YN!" Young Carpenter screamed, hugging you by the shoulders, and with that alone, you could tell she was drunk as fuck. "I was thinking of you."    "I hope good stuff." You said laughing. Tara had this power with you, to make you laugh even when you were anxious, or afraid, in which case, you were worried. "Where are the people? Or Chad?" You asked, looking around. 

"I don't know, I just wanted to be alone for a while." Tara said, if you weren't so worried, you sure would have noticed the way the woman was looking at you.    Tara's eyes sparkled, looking up, watching your entire face carefully and gently, as if you were the eighth wonder of the world, as if you would disappear if she took her eyes off you.    "Well, that's kind of impossible at a party." You said, laughing a little, but stopping when you saw Tara's gaze at you. "Hey, are you okay?"    The genuine concern in your voice made Tara melt, oh man, how much she wanted you so much. Every fiber of her body longed for you, and she was slowly starting to realize how stupid she was for neglecting herself for so long.    "Yes..." 

You didn't trust Tara's answer, something seemed wrong, almost as if she wanted to say something more. Her eyes were bright, but now, they looked more like accumulated tears.    "I think I'd better take you home, you've had too much to drink, Tara." with a nod, Tara followed you to your car, parked in front of the noisy house. She would go to the end of the world if it meant going with you.    In the car, Tara was a little thoughtful, she ran away from a party, ran away from her boyfriend, just to go home with you. She didn't think about anything, she just thought about what she wanted to do at that moment. Looking out the car window, Tara thought of all the possibilities that this night could end in, she could kiss you, she could get out of the car, say goodbye to you and never make contact with you again, until she and Chad got married and she lived a mediocre life with him. But once again, she would be lying to herself. 

You respected Tara's space, but in your head, you were freaking out too. You were with the girl you had a crush on since the day you saw her. You knew Tara was dating, you knew wishing to be with her was wrong, you knew she was straight, and you felt terrible about it.    The drive to Tara's apartment was quiet, thoughtful, and a little awkward, and accompanying Tara to her floor was even worse. Tara was still a little giddy from all the drinks she had, so you were constantly making sure she didn't miss the steps.    "All right, do you have your keys?" You asked, taking the key from Tara's hand as she handed it to you.    Opening the door, you waited for Tara to come in first, closing the door and going to the youngest of the Carpenters, who had thrown herself on the couch. 

“No, no, no. You have to go to your room, if Sam finds out I dumped you here she'll kill me.” You said, trying to pull the girl off the sofa.   

As you tried to pull Tara off the sofa, you were surprised when the short girl used more force and pulled you, making you fall on top of her on the sofa.   

“Tara!” You said, seeing the girl laugh, and unable to resist, you laughed along with Tara.   

“You didn't expect that, did you?” Tara said, still laughing.  

When the laughter started to die down, you realized how close you and Tara were, your breaths mingling and making the whole atmosphere more intense. You knew you should walk away, but Tara didn't have the same thought.   

Tara wanted you. She was tired of not getting what she wanted, she was tired of always putting herself second, neglecting what she really wanted. No, Tara wanted to end it, and as much as she hated hurting Chad, she knows she'll hate hiding it for longer. Then, when you least expected it, Tara's lips were glued to yours.   

 You were surprised, you wanted it, but it was wrong, Tara was in a relationship. Chad was your friend, and here you were, practically lying on top of her girlfriend, kissing her with all the desire you'd been holding back for six months.  

“Tara.” You tried to say, only to be drowned out by Tara's mouth. “Tara, that's wrong.” You said, finally pulling away from the young Carpenter and sitting down on the sofa.   

Your hands quickly went to your hair, brushing them back as you thought about how good and wrong that felt. Tara stood up, sitting down next to you, the two of you's breathing the only things that could be heard in the apartment.   

“I think I should go.” You said, getting up from the sofa.  

Quickly feeling your wrist being grabbed, you looked at Tara, who wasn't looking back at you. Tara was looking at the floor, you couldn't see it, but tears had started to gather in the young Carpenter's eyes. 

“Stay, please.” You sat down on the sofa immediately, it was as if your body was simply commanded by her and now you couldn't go anywhere.   

Sitting there again, Tara looked at you for the first time, you could see tears slowly making their way down her face, and you were confused as to why she was crying.   

“I like you.” It was the only thing she said. You were petrified, it seemed that she had finally put everything she had ever wanted to say out there.   

“What?”   

“I like you, Yn. I've liked you since the beginning, I know it's wrong, but I couldn't hide it any longer.” Tara replied, still holding your hand. 

“When you say it's wrong, you mean...” You looked into her eyes.  

 “No, not that. I don't feel wrong for liking you, I feel wrong for the way I said it to you.” Tara squeezed your hand tightly. “I've been lying to myself my whole life, Yn. And when I saw you for the first time I broke a little, you broke me little by little, until now. I can't hide it anymore because I'm in love, Yn.”   

You felt the young Carpenter start to tense up, tears streaming down her face and you clasped her hand in yours, trying to bring her some kind of comfort.   

“I don't like Chad, I never did. I can't love him the way he loves me, I can't love any guy, Yn. And I know I said, damn it, I knew I said it all along, I was just so scared...”   

A sob cut off Tara's speech, causing the girl to simply collapse in front of you. Quickly wrapped in your arms, Tara began to cry hard, sobbing, shaking and collapsing into you.   

You couldn't believe it, the girl you had fallen in love with was in love with you too. Your world had turned completely around, sirens were going off in your head, and an instant feeling of relief came over you. However, all this was quickly swept aside when you remembered that you had to comfort Tara.   

“All right, put it out.” You said, cradling Tara in your arms.   

Sniffling and trying to wipe away the tears that flowed, Tara pulled her face away from your chest, looking at you for the first time in a few minutes.   

“I'm sorry.” It was the first thing she said. Opening a slight smile of understanding, and putting the messy strands of Tara's hair back in place, you sighed.   

“Don't apologize. I like you too, Tara.” The sparkle in the young Carpenter's eyes seemed to return as soon as the words left your mouth. “I've really fallen for you, you're one of the most amazing, strong, funny and captivating people I've ever met.” A smile grew on Tara's face, she couldn't think of a better way for this conversation to go.   

“But there's still Chad.”  

“I'm going to break up with him.”   

Without even thinking twice, Tara said it looking you in the eye, how could you even doubt her when she said it with such certainty?  

“Wow, okay, wait.” You sat down properly on the sofa. “Tara, I love that you're finally okay, and that you're allowing yourself to be discovered, but take it easy.” You held the woman's hand.   

“I just want to get back everything I lost, Yn. Everything I lost with you.” Tara said, taking your face in her hands.  

“I know. But how about this, you take a week for yourself, think about what you want to do and think only about you. I'll be here anyway, waiting for you.” You say, taking her hands in yours and kissing them gently.   

At six in the morning, someone was impatiently ringing your doorbell. Fearing it might be a nutter, you made your way quietly to the door, still trying to get your eyes to focus and your mind to start working. It was too early, you'd just woken up, and whoever this crazy person was, you were going to kick their ass for waking you up so early on a free day.   

Trying to see what was bothering you so early through the peephole, all you could see was the top of a head, strands of brown hair falling over it, and at that moment you were even more confused, why was the Carpenter gnome knocking on your door so early?  

“Tara, what are you doing here so...” Before you could even speak, you were cut off by a Tara Carpenter jumping on you like a koala and kissing you lovingly.   

It was almost like a wife seeing her husband off to war, that was definitely love. The kiss was slow and loving, and you held Tara's thighs so that she had a foothold. Entering the apartment, you closed the door as you stood, going over to the sofa and settling the young Carpenter on your lap.   

“I broke up with him.” Tara said into the kiss, running her hands up your hair and messing it up even more. “I want you. Please, I'm crazy for you.”   

You had given Tara the week you told her about. She was discovering herself, doing the things she should have done a long time ago, while you were too busy with college exams. There wasn't much time left to meet up with your friends over the last few days, and it seems that someone missed you a lot.   

“Did you break up with Chad?” You asked, turning away from Tara to grab some oxygen before you were pulled into the young Carpenter's love cloud again.   

“I told you, Yn. I want you, I always wanted you.” Tara's eyes sparkled and her smile reflected yours.  

Moving closer again, you kissed, finally doing what you'd wanted to do since you first met. Tara's hands ran freely through your hair, while yours tightened around her waist. Pulling away slightly, Tara grabbed the hem of the shirt she was wearing, pulling it up and off, making you copy her movements.   

With one swift movement, you turned her around, making her lean back on the couch while you knelt in front of her. Distributing kisses across her collarbone, you traced your way down, and with quick hands, you removed the bra the younger Carpenter was wearing without wasting any time. Tara moaned when she felt your mouth on her nipple, and when you reached out and massaged the other nipple, she thought she was in heaven.   

After giving each nipple equal attention, you trailed your kisses down Tara's abs, running your hands along the button of her pants before directing your gaze at her.  

“Can I take these off you?” you asked, a look full of desire on your face as you eagerly played with the button of Tara's pants.   

“Do whatever you want to me, baby.” That's what you wanted to hear.  

Unbuttoning Tara's pants, you slid the fabric down the Carpenter girl's legs, climbing back up towards her intimacy and distributing kisses on her thighs. You could see the wet spot that had formed on Tara's panties, and looking down at her, you gave her clit a little kiss over the fabric, making her moan softly at you.  

Smiling, you removed Tara's panties and put her legs on your shoulders. The woman looked at you expectantly, her breathing was labored, and when you finally gave her the first lick, Tara could have sworn she saw stars. Throwing her head back, the woman enjoyed every movement of your tongue in her intimacy, grabbing your hair when your tongue went deep inside her for the first time.   

Tara didn't know sex could be so good, she had never experienced anything like it. The sensation was overwhelming, and every little stimulation she felt brought her to a paradise on earth. Tara had been eaten out before, but it was never like this, it never had the same passion, the same sensations, the same dedication and it certainly never had the same meaning.   

Your tongue ran through Tara's folds, finding new spots that even she didn't know existed, and suddenly, a noose began to form in the young Carpenter's bowels. Tara had cum before, she thought, she wasn't sure. But the point is, what had you done to her? Tara's legs began to tremble, her body spasmed in ways she couldn't control, and just as she was beginning to try to pull away, you held her in place.  

You didn't care about the noise complaints, and even if you did, you couldn't contain Tara's loud moans. Your hand, which was pressed a little lower on her abs, seemed to have awakened something inside the Carpenter girl, and in the midst of the spasms and moans, her juices began to flow, staining your lips and chin.   

Kissing her thighs, you waited for her to recover. Without even realizing that you had risen from your position on the floor, Tara was only brought out of her little world when you kissed her, making her taste herself on your lips.   

“I'm really in love with you.” Tara said, making you laugh.   

“Ready for one more or do you need a break?” 

“Can you go one more? Can we get married?” 

Hi guys, I wanted to start by saying that I haven't proofread this yet, cause I'm a bit busy organizing things for college. so if anything is wrong, please ignore it, I'll correct it later.

Also, I was going to put 'good lucky, baby' for this fic, but I'm just addicted to this Zayn song, and it kind of inspired me a bit.

But anyway, I hope you enjoyed this fic, I loved writing it.

stay safe, drink water

xoxo, spider

[squibsformers]

Syntax Error

(AKA Miscommunication pt. 2)

Rodimus x Ratchet x Drift x Human Reader

Summary: Things had been going great in your little situationship polycule "it's complicated" relationship with Rodimus, Ratchet and Drift. But you haven't been...feeling well.

Word Count: 1,814

AN: NSFW themes and talk, and things get a little heated, but no outright smut. tagged valveplug just in case. Please feel free to leave comments and stuff, I enjoy feedback. Also, this is sorta the end of this one, just feels good as a 2 part series.

[PREV]

“It's…nice, being able to spend quiet time with you.”

Drift looked up from where he was doing a centering exercise, smiling softly over at Ratchet. “Yeah?”

“Mh. Away from any stupid bots, away from the others in our little family… Don't get me wrong, I care about them, but… I do enjoy spending time with you, just one on one, existing together…”

Drift's smile warmed, an adoring look in his optics…before a more mischievous look crept in. “You know…it really *has* been a while since it was just us. Our squishy little lover tries to give us space but I swear, it's almost as if when we have time to ourselves, some chaos or trouble happens. Maybe it would be nice to spend some…intimacy together?”

Ratchet lifted a brow, and a more heated look bloomed on his faceplates. “Oh yeah?”

“Mmhm~ We haven't played with our wire arrays in a while, I know you like it when I do…”

Ratchet let out a dry chuckle as Drift slowly stalked towards him, slowly laying back on the berth. He felt like a glitch-mouse being eyed up by nitrotiger, the way Drift's optics sharpened with desire and hunger. It didn't help when the speedster's talons flexed.

Drift felt more like a starved artist who finally found his muse. Like a solarplume who's petals finally got its first taste of UV.

Drift was on the larger bot in an instant, fluidly pinning the medic's thicker servos above his head. Dexterous hands smoothed the seams of the other's armor plating, ever so slightly dipping into the creases and making Ratchet squirm and sigh.

“Frag, Drift…”

Sharp denta went to neck cabling, lightly chewing

Those oh so nimble digits dug in a bit to one of the plating seams, gently tugging. With little effort, Drift pulled one of them away, revealing parts of Ratchet's mainframe. Reverently, he drags a claw, just baaarely catching, across the rubbery insulation of a particular cord. Ratchet exvents softly, sighing wistfully as Drift bit into his cabling more, making the medic groan.

“Maybe we should let our little third in on this sometime, you know how much they love to please-”

The door to Drift's habsuite hissed slightly as it slid open a crack, then yellow digits crammed their way into the small space before yanking the metal barrier open with an obnoxious screech.

“GUYS.”

Ratchet groaned in a different, bitter manner and rolled over, fussing with his paneling to close it as Drift sat up, huffing and trying to remain cool, as if he hadn't just had his cybernetic cock blocked.

“WE HAVE A PROBLEM. WE HAVE A PROBLEM.”

Drift vented. “Your aura is all sorts of chaotic, you need to calm down-”

“WE KNOCKED UP THE HUMAN.”

………The room was so quiet, even Ratchet could hear the electricity buzzing through Rodimus's circuits.

“You slagging moron- that's impossible." Ratchet finally snapped, the chill in the air oppressive. “Organics and Cybertronians don't mix.”

“What about-”

“That's not part of this iteration.”

“Right. STILL-”

“STILL NOTHING.” The medic growled, sitting up and finally getting his panels closed. “There isn't a single way for humans to become sparked, because they're ORGANIC and lack SPARKS. Not only that, our little partner isn't even able to get-”

“THEY HAD A POSITIVE PREGNANCY TEST.”

Ratchet's mouth clamped shut and he stared at the captain, shocked. Drift shifted anxiously. “I…how do you know..?”

“I've seen enough human media. Two pink lines is positive.” Rodimus Prime stared at the other two mechs, his tanks churning and making him feel like he had swallowed energon that had long since gone off. “One of us sparked them, or got them human pregnant or- or something.”

“H..Human pregnancy tests give false positives all the time-”

“Ratchet.”

The old medic looked to his Conjux Endura… and for the first time noticed how panicked he looked. Drift looked up at him, optics wide and scared, as well as his voice.

“We should have… we should have been using contraceptives- what if it's not viable Ratty? What if… what if it…”

Rodimus's faceplates were stiff. Strained. “There's two of you and one of me, you're twice as likely to have knocked them up. It's gotta be yours’.”

“We ALL have overloaded in them- this doesn't make any sense!” Ratchet shook his head, hands up. “There's no way. You have to have misread the test-”

“IT SAYS ON THE STUPID TEST THAT TWO LINES IS POSITIVE. Look, you two are the best suited to-”

“Stop it! Both of you knock it off-!”

“I am too old to be a Sire!” Snapped Ratchet.

“I CAN'T BE ONE! LOOK AT ME, I'M A FRAGGING MESS! I CAN BARELY TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!” Rodimus shouted, panic in his voicebox tinging every word. “I can't, I just cant...!”

“SO YOU'RE SHOVING THIS OFF ONTO US JUST LIKE YOU DID WITH THEIR AFTERCARE FOR SO LONG.”

"SILENCE!!”

The medic and the captain paused as the swordsman took a few calming breaths, letting the air filter through his vents and breathing out panic.

“Okay… okay…” Drift looked between the other two. “We are not ditching the human to raise our- YES! OUR! our sparkling on their own. First and foremost, why…why hasn't our little earthling told us…?” He murmured, looking upset. Betrayed. Worried.

Rodimus reached over, gently putting a hand on his best friend's shoulder as his Conjux moved closer to be a supportive presence. Sparklings, Primus preserve them. Their population numbers were in shambles, he can't remember the last time had even SEEN one…

“Ehh, don't feel too bad, Drift.” The red and gold mech hummed. “I think they're having a bit of a rough go right now, plus I bet they just found out themselves.”

Ratchet looked over, chevron glinting against the calming lights in the shared hab-suite. “They still aren't feeling good?” The prime shook his head in response.

“Nah, it's actually how I found out. Our little squishy sweetie- Don't. Do not tell them I called them that, it just fully registered and I want to purge.” Rodimus shuddered dramatically, trying to cut the tension. “Anyways. I went to check up on them since they've been feeling like slag. I make a holo-form, go in to see if they need anything and they're passed out cold. So I just… I don't know, their hab was a mess and…”

Drift had a small, creeping smirk on his face. “You started cleaning their room? When yours looks like that?”

“Hey. Hey. It was hard to focus with so much trash and stuff piled up. I didn't clean up a ton just-” The mech was getting more and more flustered. “Just! Shut up!”

“Rodimus. Please.”

At Ratchet's grumbled pleading, the captain sighed and focused again…after shoving Drift a bit. “ANY! WAYS! So I kinda sorta picked up some stuff. They had those uh… thin face cloths on their night stand, those ones the humans in movies use when they cry and they get all teary, and their hydration bottle was empty. So I went to their bathroom and it. Reeked. Of that acrid smell that their bile leaves behind. Like that time I spun them so fast in their chair they purged on the command floor-”

“Primus sakes…”

“It's relevant!! Morning sickness is a big thing with human pregnancies in movies! So I scented that and ew, and then I started filling their little hydration bottle in the sink for them and then I noticed this test! It was sitting on its packaging on the sink!” With that, the mech opened a subspace panel and held up a teeny, tiny plastic blue square, so small that Drift thought it was dirt or something else. He passed it over to Ratchet when he made a motion for it. “They uh. Eliminate on these so I rinsed it off, so the lines are a little smudged, but there WAS two lines.”

“They must have really tired themself out…” Drift murmured, crossing his arms in a way that masked he was hugging himself. “Poor little thing, I bet they'd been feeling the symptoms and took the test on a whim, and then cried themself to sleep…” His spark *ached* at the thought of them, scared and upset with the reality crashing down on them, wailing and sobbing into their soft bedding until they tuckered themselves out…

“They don't know we know.”

“We… should we let them come to us? I don't want them to feel they are all alone in this, worse yet to do something drastic…”

“They won't do that, I'm sure right now they're just scared and worried. They'll come to us. Have faith in them.” Rodimus murmured.

“I… You're right. I should do a wellness prayer to see if it can help ease their-”

“Drift.”

Said mech looked up, finials shifting a bit. He spotted his lover, stormy expression on his faceplates, glaring at the little test in his servos. The medic then glanced up, seething rage wavering through his field as he glared at Rodimus, overpowering the anxiety and panic that had been lacing through their own just moments before. “Ratch…?”

“Drift, I'm going to beat him, put him back together, then beat him again in the desperate hopes it'll knock some sense into his processor.”

“WOAH, HEY WHAT-”

“Ratchet, please, it's not Rodimus's fault, we were all-”

“YOU FRAGGING MORON. YOU BARGE IN, SCARE DRIFT HALF TO OFFLINING, MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING I KNEW AS A MEDIC-”

“IT'S POSITIVE!”

“IT'S A PRIMUS DAMNED INFLUENZA TEST.” Ratchet snarled, glaring at Rodimus. “YOU DIDN'T READ THE PACKAGING AT ALL THAT IT WAS SITTING ON? I *GAVE* THEM THIS DAYS AGO!”

The atmosphere of the room was sucked out, replaced with an entirely different feeling.

“We… We aren't Sires?” Rodimus whispered, relief flooding through his systems. His head whipped over to Drift, who was bracing against his knee joints and mumbling a mantra of “thank you Primus” over and over. A small laugh escaped his vocoder, before he covered his face.

“No!! I-” He sucked through his denta, letting out a vent. Two. Three. “No. No, we aren't. They aren't a Carrier, humans and Cybertronians can't crossbreed, and YOU. Are leaving after making me feel like I aged 50 thousand years in five kliks. Bastard.”

Ratchet watched as Rodimus and Drift hugged each other tightly with relief. Before a certain look crossed the captain's faceplates.

“Sooo… wireplay, huh? You two want me to stick around and-”

“Rodimus.”

“Yeah?”

“Get out.” Drift grumbled for him, letting go and gently pushing the other mech away. Rodimus laughed a little more, before taking a few steps away.

“Fiiine, fine. I'll go, ah, check on the human.”

“You two are a stupid match made in stupid heaven.” Ratchet groused as the mech left, pulling Drift close. Their door wasn't closing right after Rodimus had wrenched it open.

[rekino2114]

How jealous are the blue lock girls? I mean, imagine if someone tried to hit on you on the middle of the match. How would they handle it? Would they? Will somebody unleash their inner Pepe?

How the blue lock girls handle jealousy

Fem!yoichi isagi

Ok, so isagi has two modes, the sweet, friendly, and a bit shy girl that you love and the absolute menace that she becomes when she's on the field (that you also love)

it turns out there's another way to activate her "on the field mode" someone flirting with you

The moment she sees another girl say anything flirty to her eyes glow and she immediately runs over to you

She proceeds to verbally abuse the girl in the most brutal way possible. She'll literally invent new slurs at the moment just for her. Meanwhile, you're just standing there wide-eyed because she's ripping the poor girl to shreds with her words alone. You don't know if you feel honored or terrified that she's going harder than she did on kaiser and loki just because she talked to you for like 5 seconds

Hiori and kurona try to hold her back to avoid a scandal (it's already too late), and when she finally calms down, she just turns to look at you smiling like she didn't just cuss out every individual family member of that girl at least 38 times

"And one final thing you ********* if you dare come close to y/n I will ******** and ****** your ****** until you *****, die in a ditch idiot"

"..............."

"We should probably go back to our position right sweetie?"

".......y-yeah"

Fem!meguru bachira

Bachira might not fully understand the girl is flirting at first. She just thinks she's being friendly, mostly because bachira herself is a bit too friendly in general

So she just joins your conversation as if nothing's going on, randomly calling you babe once, not even realizing how annoyed the girl looks

She continued hugging you and agreeing with every compliment the girl says about you annoying her even more

She just acts like her normal self which for most people who aren't you looks like a weirdo and the fact that you agree with her and match her energy drives the girl away

"I have to say that play you did last match was amazing, so stylish"

"Right!? It was amazing. My monster was cheering in joy when it happened"

"Did it? I'm glad I make your monster happy"

"You always do babe, just like I make yours happy~"

You two start laughing together as the girl looks at you concerned

"I.....think I'll just go"

"Oh ok"

"Thanks for the save bachira, she was making me a bit uncomfortable"

".......she was?"

".....you didn't know? I thought you came here because you saw her flirting"

"Oh no, I just wanted to talk....wait she was flirting!? I gotta teach her a lesson now!"

Fem!rin itoshi

Rin swears that she doesn't get jealous and that she's not bothered at all by people hitting on you, but her saying that is the same as saying that she's not still salty at sae for accidentally blowing out her candles on her ninth birthday... a lie. The truth is that she's jealous, very jealous

Whenever she reads some stupid rumor that you two broke up just because she's not been affectionate to you in public, something she rarely is, she just mutters "stupid paparazzi" and posts a picture of you two on her socials which is something she usually never does

And if she sees a girl trying to hit on you, she just stays there and glares daggers at her. You can almost see the hole she's carving in her head with her stares. Meanwhile, shidou and Charles tease her to no end about it, and she always denies being jealous and yells at them blushing

One time this girl continued touching you inappropriately even after you repeatedly told her no and so rin just straight up went destroyer mode on her

"Sorry it took me some time rin, that girl really didn't want to back off"

".........that lukewarm brain dead worm"

"........are you OK?"

"......does she think she can just do what she wants with you like you're nothing?....."

"R-rin?"

You get scared as you see her tongue sticking out and her eyes turn black

"I'll kill her, I'll kill her,I'll kill her,I'll kill her!!!!"

"NO WAIT RIN!"

Fem!sae itoshi

Like her sister, sae says she doesn't get particularly jealous, but unlike for her sister, that's the truth....for the most part

She knows that everyone knows you're together, even if she might not be the most physically affectionate person especially in public, all the interviews you do together and the times she mentions you in the ones she does alone, plus all the photos of you two together should make it obvious to everyone

So what pisses her off more is that she knows for a fact that the girl knows you're taken, by one of the best players in the world nonetheless, and yet still decides to flirt with you as if she had a chance

When she's had enough, Sae just goes right up to you and tells you to come over to her. When the girl starts to argue, she just glares at her and starts belittling and insulting her, mostly about how trash she is at football with her usual monotonous and deadpan tone

"Y/n, can you come here? I want to talk before the match"

"Oh sur-"

"Wait a minute, y/n was talking to me!"

"....really? To me, it looked like you were going on about whatever without even considering their input, and they were too nice to say anything"

"H-hey wait-"

"But I guess I should have expected nothing more from such a mediocre person, especially in football, a baby could have blocked that shot you did, how did you think you had a chance?"

"............."

"Come on, let's go"

"O-ok"

Fem!shidou ryusei

It's not that shidou gets jealous because she thinks you'll leave her or that some other girl has a chance to snatch you up. She's jealous because all of the girls must be either very stupid or just bitches to hit on you

With all of the pda you two do, especially during matches, everyone thinks you're gonna get married anytime now. You're so schmaltzy and affectionate, and shidou does everything that's at the limit of being allowed during a match, all to show you off, she knows you're hot and she wants everyone to know that she was the one to bag you

But that still doesn't stop some girls. Seriously, how dumb and / or evil they have to be to still hit on you, what does she have to do to make everyone understand you're off limits? Start grinding on you during matches? (She genuinely considered doing that)

So whenever one of those idiots tries to hit on you, she instantly gets pissed off, goes over, side hugs you, purposefully pulling you up against her chest and starts berating the girl with insults, if she for some reason insults her back than she'll go from words to hands very fast, often getting expelled if you don't stop her

"Huh? Baby who's this bimbo who thinks she's worthy of your time?"

"Bimbo? Look at yourself in the mirror before talking, fake tan and pink hair!"

"Fake!? The tan's all natural I'll have you know, also trying to steal someone's partner is a pretty stupid and shitty thing to do y'know?"

"I wouldn't call it stealing, just offering a better option"

"OK that's it, take this you idiotic moron!"

"B-babe please calm down, you'll take a red card if you continue"

"Tch! Fine, but just because it's for you, sweetie, but if she dares touch you again I won't hold back"

Fem!seishiro nagi

Nagi's strategy to deal with someone flirting with you is the same as the one she has for most problems in her life: do absolutely nothing about it and wait that it resolves itself

It's not that she doesn't care. It's that she's too lazy to act on her jealousy, sure she's a bit angry at the girl trying to hit on you but going all the way over there (standing up from her chair) and talking to the girl seems a bit too difficult for her right now, and she's even in the middle of a ranked match

She'll wait for you to finish talking and drive the girl away, but if she's being really insistent and even touching you, then she might finally do something which is finishing the game, reluctantly getting up and hugging onto you like a koala and pouting telling you to stay with her

Reo is very confused looking at this scene, and all of his attempts to get nagi to do something most often end in failure

"Isn't that girl......hitting on y/n?"

".....oh yeah I guess she is"

".....are you....gonna do something about it?"

"I dunno, do I have to? It seems like such a hassle, I'm sure y/n can handle it"

".....I don't know what I expected"

Fem!reo mikage

Rei gets jealous incredibly easily. A girl could be asking you for directions, and she'll stare at her like she just gave you her phone number

It's not that she doesn't trust you or anything. It's just better to prevent any possible attempts at flirting just in case. She very often just glares at any innocent girls who are just near you by coincidence until they get uncomfortable and leave

And those times where a girl is actually flirting with you, she'll immediately go over, hug you, and kiss your cheek and just start randomly bragging about how rich she is and how much she spoils you

She'll even invent stuff like the fact that you have to go to your private yatch, which you don't have (yet) or that you have only designer clothes in your closet which is actually pretty true with all the clothes she buys you but basically means nothing when you're just wearing the standard manshine jersey at the moment

"Oh y/n sorry to interrupt but it looks like we have to wrap up this match quite quickly, we might lose the reservation at (very expensive restaurant name) if we don't hurry"

She drags you away from the girl

"........wait we have a dinner date tonight?"

"Well we do now, I'll just ask them for a reservation last minute, it shouldn't be a problem"

"......if you say so"

Fem!Michael kaiser

Kaiser doesn't get jealous. She gets possessive. She thinks you two are perfect and only deserve to be with each other, so she thinks any other girl who tries to hit on you is just a lowly worm who didn't understand her place

The fact that she didn't bow her head before talking with you is already a bad start, but the fact that she even thought she had the slightest chance to get with you makes her chuckle a bit in amusement at how stupid she can be

She immediately enters the conversation, hugging you and proceeds to ask the girl what she was doing there. Her sheer presence and reputation are enough to make most girls scared and shily back away

but if for some reason she stays, then she'll start with the insults and belittling telling her she could never get with someone as perfect as you, especially because she's here and doesn't tolerate people who bother you

At this point, the girl is crying and runs away, and she turns back, smiling proud of what she did

"Schatz, am I interrupted your conversation?"

"Y-yes actually"

"Oh perfect, listen here you lowly piece of garbage, the fact that you think you have a chance on y/n is genuinely so funny to me, are you that much of an idiot, did you even look at them? How perfect they look and are, and how perfect I am?"

"I-i"

"Listen, y/n is mine, and I don't like people messing with what's mine, so I suggest you crawl back of whatever sewer you came out of"

"............"

"What's wrong schatz? Do you need water or something?"

"N-no it's just.......weren't you going a bit too hard on her"

"No, like I said, I don't like people messing with what's mine, especially you, you deserve only the best, which is me, I'm just keeping all the clowns who don't deserve to even look at your beautiful self away from you"

"........t-thanks?"

"It's nothing schatz, I love you after all"

Fem!Alexis ness

Like kaiser, Ness thinks you're perfect, but unlike kaiser, she thinks she doesn't deserve you. She tries her best to be the best girlfriend you could ever ask for but some part of her just thinks that some girl will try to steal her away from you and that's her biggest nightmare

So whenever she sees a girl flirting with you she'll immediately go up to you (completely ignoring the girl) and ask you if you need anything just trying to show off that she'd do anything for you and how good of a girlfriend for you

She'll also hold your hand the entire time and call you "liebling" any chance she gets just to drive the point home that you're in a happy relationship and the girl could never replace Ness

She then asks you to go somewhere so that she can be alone with her and gives her a creepy closed eyes smile (if you guys remember the scene with kunigami at the start of the barcha match that's it) and starts talking about you to her in hopes of driving her off

"Liebling, here's some water, remember to stay hydrated"

"Ah, thanks lexi"

"It's nothing. You were doing amazingly back there, by the way, but remember not to overdo it. The last thing I want is for you to get an injury"

"Yeah, don't worry"

"Uh i-"

"Oh but if you do get sore just tell me liebling, I could give you a massage to help"

"Definitely, your massages are always amazing"

"It's my pleasure, oh by the way noa told me he wanted to talk to you before the second half, maybe to switch strategies"

"OK I'll go now bye lexi"

"Bye liebling, love you"

"OK so now-"

"Y/n is one of the best players on this team and in the world in my opinion"

"Uh?"

"You should feel lucky and honored they even decided to talk to you and give you a bit of their time"

"......what?"

"I just suggest not bothering them with useless stuff like that anyway ok~? I'm there for them"

[lsunstreakerl]

I said "SH but I give GP a gun" and @farvres said "but like actually" so uhhhhh. here u guys go have a lil 1k brainworm. I guess this would be like, dark redbull? organized crime redbull? (more than) slightly insane redbull? listen, they're toxic. they still love max. these things can coexist.

so here's a little alternative universe, where things are much darker but it's somehow still redbull as family. this takes place in a split off of "Warning", after Max has had his tonsils removed and is recovering in Bedford with GP and Alice.

Gianpiero is seething in Christian's office, pacing across the floor. Christian isn't sure if he's ever seen his mild mannered friend this angry.

"GP-"

"No, don't start with me."

GP's hand flexes and curls from where he's clenching and unclenching his fists.

"You didn't fucking see it, Christian. He's so- he's tiny, in our guest room. He's tiny, and he doesn't even think he's allowed to have honey in his tea. The fucking- the idea that Alice and I want to take care of him after a surgery, that he doesn't have to handle it on his own- Christian, he doesn't even understand it."

GP stands in front of Christian's desk, one palm pressed flat as he leans down. Christian keeps his posture steady, even if he's never quite seen this look in GP's eyes before.

"If someone treated my daughter like that-"

Christian is wondering how much favor he's going to need to pull with Dietrich to cover up whatever Gianpiero is planning.

"I'd fucking kill them."

Christian nods. He's running ideas through his head, absentmindedly clicking his pen.

"Now would be the best time. Max is still recovering, he might not realize something suspicious right away."

GP pauses, looking thoughtfully at Christian.

"Redbull parties a lot- it's not out of the question for everyone to be together."

Christian nods, leaning back in his chair. GP is settling back into his skin, has that calculated look back on his face.

"Jos is known for drinking and driving. I always worry about him- it would be a real shame if something happened."

Gianpiero hums.

"It would, wouldn't it."

Christian tilts his head to the side, trying to gauge just how serious this is. There are rumors around the paddock, that the teams are like cults. Ferrari bears the brunt of them- they've been around too long, too many cultures and superstitions. It's too easy for the public to pick up on their oddities, the kind of strange behavior younger teams can get away with.

Even the drivers think it's a joke. It's not a part of the business they're involved in, usually. Fernando and Michael were... exceptions.

Christian brushes his fingers against cool metal secured underneath his desk.

"Someone would need to take care of Max. It would be devastating for him. He still thinks of that man as his father."

Gianpiero narrows his eyes. He's firm when he speaks, voice hard.

"Max would stay with me."

Christian nods.

"Of course, he'd still need to drive. But he'd be a bit closer to home that way, wouldn't he. Maybe a few trips a year to Austria."

Gianpiero is assessing Christian carefully.

"He'd be better taken care of."

"He would, yes."

There's a moment of silence as they both watch each other- trying to decide if they're really doing this. Usually, when a team operates after hours, there's a competitive reason. To get directly involved in a drivers personal life- it's rare.

Then again, Redbull has always been the exception. Max is one of theirs, golden boy in the making. He's already got little pockmarks of red, attachments to younger drivers, to Ferrari. They'll have to stamp that out.

Though- Christian supposes it would be okay to let him keep a few attachments. They're too soft on him, he's going to end up spoiled and rotten, but the way Gianpiero has his hand curled into a fist-

Christian has never seen anyone get under his skin like this.

"I'll schedule a meeting with Dietrich."

Gianpiero looks down his nose at him.

"Soon."

Christian nods.

"Tomorrow morning."

------

Gianpiero leans next to Alice in the doorway. Max is asleep in one of his old Jordan GP shirts, softly snoring into the pillow. He's all skin and bones, twitchy and nervous, unsettled in their home.

Alice looks over at him.

"You boys better be fixing this."

Gianpiero leans over to kiss her gently.

"I know, my love. You're retired."

She smiles against his lips.

"Not where our children are concerned I'm not."

She nods her head towards where Max is asleep.

"And he's one of our children, isn't he?"

Gianpiero feels a smile tick at the corner of his mouth. Max is in bad shape now, but-

They'll fix it. They'll protect him, teach him how to smooth over his blunt edges. He'll be surrounded by love, here and at Redbull, the way he should be.

He's not so confident they'd be able to secure him the Ferrari boy, because their claws are in too deep, he drips Rosso Corsa already, but Max has taken a shine to Daniel, and they can keep Carlos if they play their cards right.

Gianpiero will make it happen. Securing the perfect setup for Max, making sure he has the optimal environment for growth, that he has everything he needs-

Well. That's quite literally his job.

------

Alice is home with Max, still knocked out on pain meds. They've maybe been giving him a bit too much the past few days, but Gianpiero doesn't want to risk Max realizing something is suspicious. They'll wean him off of it soon as they ease him back into race prep, and the whole thing will just be a blurry haze of days he doesn't really remember, interspersed with a tragedy that isn't all that tragic.

He watches apathetically as the high beams sink below the water. He'd liked this fishing hole, because it was deep, and he's not going to be able to use it for a while now.

Gianpiero stays on the edge of the bank for a bit, making sure nothing floats up. The car is sunk, doors sealed shut. He doesn't feel bad in the slightest. He'd even been humane about it, Christian's gun sitting cool in the holster on his ribs.

Alice wouldn't have been so kind.

He waits for the water to settle before he turns and starts making his way back home. It's a lovely night out, really.

He should teach Max how to identify the constellations at some point. It could be helpful if he's lost- not that Gianpiero ever intends to let that happen.

Some race engineers fail their drivers. They don't mesh, or they aren't devoted enough, aren't willing to do what it takes.

Gianpiero leaves Jos to his watery grave behind him.

He and Max are going to be just fine.

[dsireland86]

Can i request a Noah Sebastian x fem reader fic? I was thinking maybe she reader is a good friend of the Bad Omens crew and she wants to give Noah a special gift while on tour since he's been so burnt out and Maybe it's set a little after Keaton Pierce passed away and he hasn't really had time to grieve and gifts him a Photo of him and Keaton with a note written by him on the back of it maybe? and he gets emotional and they confess feelings?

Oh man.... this hits hard. Okay, I think I can do this. 💔🖤 I've never written anything regarding Keaton or his passing. I've kind always felt scared to. But when this request hit my inbox, it made me realize that maybe I've never given myself the proper time to mourn his loss. It will be 3 years he's been gone, and yet every time I listen to Too Close Too Touch, it feels like he's still here. I still miss Keaton every day. Writing this story has been healing. Thank you to the Anonymous who's asked me to write something so beautiful. I hope I can capture the emotion of what Keaton really meant to us all.

*Author's Note: I waited on posting this story, given the fact that none of this story is factual, but it involves something that's really personal to not just me, but to others, I'm sure. In no way shape or form is this story meant to disrespect Keaton or his death. It is just something I thought about when thinking of how it affected Noah. I know, it's silly. But for someone like me who didn't know Keaton personally and was affected by his death, I can't imagine what his friends and family felt. Again, this is just a fictional story based on actual people. If you're offended by the idea, then please don't read it, not just for me, but also for the Anon. who requested the story.*

Her Special Gift

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The months that followed Keaton's death become different. After Keaton's funeral, things between Noah and I shifted from being just casual friends to almost like best friends. We started hanging out together more and playing video games, watching old black and white movies, or diving into sometimes deep, theological discussions that always ended with an argument about who was right. Late night pizza and anime dates and tea and book lazy days started to become a habit for us when he wasn't working with the band, and I grew to love them more than I ever thought I would. It seemed that Noah and I had traded our friendship with Keaton for a friendship with each other. We became part of the healing process for each other, sharing stories and memories that only we knew. Spending time with Noah was the best. He was the best, but the way I started to feel about him was getting harder for me to deny and I knew if I ever confessed anything regarding the way I felt, it would ruin everything Noah and I had built in the last few months.

"You feeling okay?" Noah's hand on my shoulder startled me. I was sluggishly slow today, exhausted from the last two nights of the tour. "Yeah, I'm good. Just tired. Still trying to adapt," I chuckled. Noah smiled, taking the box of shirts from me. "I'll help." "Thanks," I said, returning his smile. We sat the boxes down on the table, and I turned to head back to the truck and get one more when Noah gently grabbed me by the arm. "Hey, wait." I looked up at his tall frame, a little alarmed. His chocolatey brown eyes softened. "Are you sure you're okay? You're usually not so puffy around the eyes like you are today." "Oh what, you're keeping up with my skin care routine now?" I was joking, but Noah seemed more serious about it than I was. "Have you been crying?' Noah turned me towards him a little so he could examine my face better. What was I supposed to tell him? That the truth was I really had been crying myself to sleep the last two nights because I'd found a photo of him and Keaton together? Yeah, no. I pushed Noah's hand away gently, reassuring him I was okay. Walking back to the truck, I broke down, sneaking around a corner to quietly sob alone.

Three weeks into the tour, everyone seemed to be doing alright; tired and sore, but okay. I was feeling better, too, but Noah wasn't. He was looking a little worse for wear. If there weren't puffy bags under his eye, then there were dark purple circles under them, painting the clear picture of pure, straight-up exhaustion. Noah was burning out.

"Matt, he needs a day off. He needs to rest. I mean, look at him for god's sake," I cried quietly, throwing my hands in Noah's direction. He was sitting on one of the equipment boxes, leaning back against the wall, his head laid back, arms folded across his chest and eyes closed. He looked as if he was actually asleep.

"Fuck. I know he does," Matt sighed. But we have a show to do tonight, and one tomorrow." "Matt, " I said, shaking my head, "I don't think Noah's going to last one more show. Tonight, maybe, but tomorrow," I glanced over at Noah just as his head fell to the side, catching himself quickly and sitting up right only to close his eyes again. "Fuck!" Matt yelled. "Alright, let me see what I can do about tomorrow. Do you think you could pep talk him into doing tonight's show?" Noah sat up and stretched, yawning and beckoning me over to him. "Yeah, okay, I'll try, but don't get pissy with me if Noah refuses," I demanded with a finger pointed at his chest. Matt chuckled. "Deal. Hey, thanks." I shot him a quick grin before walking over to Noah.

He reached for me before I was even close, which wasn't really like him at all. But I gave in, letting him pull me in between his legs and hug me. Noah's body was so warm despite the white tank he wore, showing off so many of his colorful tattoos. I thought about the stories I knew of some of them, and wondered about the others, tracing them as they wrapped and curled over his bicep and towards his back. I felt him hum in approval of my touch, the vibration coming from deep in his chest as he softly laid his head in the nook between my neck and shoulder. I caressed his back, guiding my hands slowly up and down, and feeling him relax against me. "Feel good?" "Mmm," he mumbled his answer. Noah's arms dropped, falling to his sides. His fingers, so long and slender, gripped my leggings, pulling me closer. "Noah," I whispered, unsure of what to say or do. "Yeah?" "What are you doing? People are looking at us." I spoke softly into his chest, scared to look around. "Only Matt." I looked up, glancing behind me, seeing that he was right. "Does me holding you like this make you feel uncomfortable?" I focused my sight back on Noah, my eyes clicking back and forth over his face. "No," I answered honestly. The small smile that lifted the corners of Noah's mouth made my heart skip a few beats.

"You look really tired." Noah nodded while locking his hand together behind my back, allowing me to rest mine on his chest. The faint smell of his deodorant mixed with the lingering scent of his cologne swept over my nostrils caused me to breathe in deep. Noah smelled fresh and clean even though he hadn't showered since the night before. "I'm pretty exhausted. I didn't sleep right last night." "Why not?" Noah sighed letting me partially go to fun a hand through his hair. "Noah, what's wrong, what is it?" I tipped my head, straining to make eye contact with him.

Finally, I turned his head to look at me. "Talk to me. I'm here." A vacant stare suddenly took over Noah's face, as if he were reminiscing something. "I had a dream," he admitted, quietly, "about Keaton." His almond shaped eyes shifted to mine and the pain that engulfed them was overwhelming, shattering my heart.

"Noah, I'm," "Don't," he sighed heavily, shaking his head slightly. "You don't have to say you're sorry or anything like that. I think it's a sign, like maybe Keaton himself is trying to tell me something." "What do you mean?" I wasn't following as easily as I thought I should be. "I never gave myself time to grieve for him. I mean, it all happened so fast, I barely remember everything." "Like what? I was there for pretty much all of it." Noah smiled, running his finger down my cheek. "Yeah, you were, weren't you? My little moon; always follows me even when there's light." I shrugged. "That's what friends do, right?" Noah cocked his head to the side, narrowing his eyes.

"Friends?" "Yeah," I replied, my heart thundering against my chest. "We're friends, right? I mean at least we were five seconds ago." Noah reassured me with a smile, pulling me against his chest. "Yeah, little moon, we're still friends." "Is that your new name for me now? Little moon?" "Why? You don't like it?" "No, love it," I replied with the hint of a smile in my voice. Noah didn't say anything, only squeezed me tighter.

"What was your dream about?" There was a long pause. "A mix of random stuff, but it all had Keaton in it." More silence. "I wish he was still here. I fucking miss him so damn much that it hurts." The pain in Noah's voice hurt. I looked up to find him squeezing his eyes closed, finger and thumb locked in them "Come with me," I said, taking his hand and pulling him out with me to the bus. "What are we doing?" "You'll see."

We climbed in, throwing out mumbled greetings to Nicholas and Folio who were eating bags of chips and talking, laughing hysterically after one would say something to the other. I rolled my eyes, grinning from knowing why.

I got to the bunks and stopped. "What's this about?" Noah asked, a bit annoyed. "I have something for you that I found recently; something I was meant to give you a long time ago, but apparently completely forgot about." "Okayyyy, what?" I stared at Noah for a moment, wondering if this really was the right time to do this and as brief memories of him and Keaton flashed through my brain, I was reassured.

Bending down into my duffle bag, I grabbed the book that had the picture in it, and handed it to Noah. The moment Noah saw it, his eyes welled up with tears.

"Read the back; alone," I told him, knowing it was going to gut him. He didn't argue. He just turned and walked off into the tiny bathroom and closed the door.

I heard the faint clicking sound of the lock turning and took a deep breath, hoping to prepare myself for what came next.

When Folio and Nicholas eventually left, I seized the opportunity to sit and wait for Noah. There was no way I was leaving without knowing Noah was okay. And then I heard it. The low, almost inaudible sound of weeping.

My heart hit the bottom of my stomach. Noah was finally letting out all the pent-up sadness, pain, and hurt for his friend he'd silently been carrying all these months. I waited a moment before going over to the bathroom door. I quietly knocked. "Noah... I'm here," was all I could say. "He's gone. Keaton's really gone, and there's nothing I can do to bring him back," Noah said through gritted teeth and tears. "Why? I don't understand! Why him!"

"Why anyone? Why is death even a thing," I said gently. There was silence on the other side of the door. "Keaton had a great life. He was in love with life. He loved taking pictures and performing. He loved his fans and followers of the band, always making it a point to tell them on his Instagram." "Yeah, that joker loved posting stuff on there, didn't he," Noah chuckled through a stuffy nose. "I went through it, and it's what reminded me of the picture you're holding in your hands. I'd completely forgotten about it until packing and I picked up my touring book and that picture fell out. I'm so sorry I forgot, Noah. I really meant to give it to you sooner." "Maybe that was meant to happen because the universe knew his death was coming." The idea gave me chills.

There was more silence. "I fucking miss him. I miss my friend." "I know you do. Me, too."

The bathroom door finally opened, and Noah appeared with cheeks stained with tears and puffy eyes. I looked up at him as he looked down at me, tendrils of his recently cut short hair falling over his eyes. He reached down for me, taking my hands and pulling to my feet, sliding his arms around my waist as he did so. I wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face against him so he couldn't see my own tears. My lips grazed the colorful skin of his neck, so I took advantage and lightly kissed it, and I could hear the slight gasp he made as he barely lifted me off the ground.

"I wouldn't have gotten through any of this without you, Little Moon," Noah muttered into my hair. I climbed him like a tree and wrapped myself around his slender yet strong frame as his large hands slid over my bottom, squeezing it as he held me up. With our faces so close, I could feel Noah's warm breath cascade over my face. His lips were so close to mine.

He walked us toward the back of the bus, closing the sliding door to the back lounge as we entered, sitting me down on the closest table. He pushed my legs apart, respectfully putting himself between them, and just stared at me. Noah was one of my closest friends. He'd seen me through some of my worst moments, made me feel beautiful even when I didn't feel it, and stayed up with me when I used to have nightly anxiety attacks. Yet, here I was feeling so insecure, so out of his league that I was blushing.

"Tell me we're gonna get through this together," Noah said, taking my face in his hands. I rested my forehead against his chest. "Of course we are, Noah, I'm not going anywhere." He lifted my face. "I don't mean as friends." I could hardly bring myself to look into his eyes. "You don't?" I asked barely above a whisper. Noah shook his head. His thumbs glided along my cheekbones. "Look at me." I dragged my eyes up only to see the sincerity in his eyes. "I mean as an "us". I don't think I can be just friends with you anymore, and just the idea of your perfect heart belonging to another guy terrifies me." A small laugh escaped me, and Noah grinned. "What? It's true. I don't want to be jealous, but I am."

I gave Noah a half smile. "I wouldn't call it jealousy, but more like selfish." "Selfish?" "Yeah, you demand my attention almost every time we're together. And when you see me talking with," actually the more I thought about it, Noah only got that way when another guy was involved. "With another guy," "yeah," I huffed a laugh. "Well, I guess I'm a little of both." "Since when?" Noah's eyes darted between mine. He brushed some loose hair out of my face and kissed my forehead. "Since the moment I trusted you with parts of myself I'm afraid to show anyone else." "And how long has that been?" Noah's lips were almost touching mine. I wanted this, wanted him to kiss me so I could kiss him back. "Always." I forgot to breathe the moment he bent his neck, and brought our faces closer together. A wave of heat, unlike one I'd ever felt before, crashed through me. Noah's arms wrapped around me, and he drew me into a kiss I never thought we'd share. His tongue pushed into mouth slowly yet needy as his large hands slid lazily up my spine. I gave into him completely, feeling every ounce of love pour from his kiss.

My fingers trailed up his chest until I cupped his jaw between my hands, feeling the slight hum of approval vibrate deep inside his chest. I felt like everything about Noah was going to consume me, and I was entirely okay with that. We finally broke apart, pulling our magic back into ourselves as we tried to catch our breath. "You're going to be the death of me," he growled against my cheek, leaving a slight wet kiss on my cheek. I pushed against his chest just enough to look at him. "Not if you destroy me first," I breathed, painting the lines of his jaw with my fingertips. "I never want you to stop looking at me the way you are right now. And if you do, I swear I won't stop making it up to you until your legs are shaking and the neighbors know my name."

I about died in Noah's arms right then. He pulled me into another deep kiss, touching me without any hesitation. He touched me like he owned me. I guess he had for a long time, and I just never realized it. I trusted Noah with my heart, knowing he'd take care of it forever. "So, does this mean there's an us?" I smiled, taking a deep breath while wrapped up safe in Noah's arms. "Yeah it does. I like the sound of "us". "Me too, I guess we have Keaton to thank for it." "Yeah, I guess so," getting lost in a memory of him. He'd be happy; for both of us. "I miss him, Noah. But even now, I can still feel him around." "Me, too," Noah sighed, laying his cheek on the top of my head. "Me, too."

[cillianmurphysdimples]

A female Y/N / Cillian fanfic (Part Twenty Two)

Absolutely not based on anything real at all, all totally fictional, fanciful and all total bollocks.

Warnings for sexual references and language. Adult themes. Not suitable for under 18s.

We Got Issues

Part Twenty Two: Aran has his say, and Y/N and Cillian listen. But Cillian is able to ensure he hears his views too. Y/N struggles with the subject, knowing the young man is struggling too. Resolution may come, but why does she feel like she's standing in the depths of the secrets and lies alone? [Anxiety and deep family issues - mentions of abortion and domestic violence?]

@remembering-angels @dragonsneversharetheirtreasure @aesthetic0cherryblossom @meister95 @vivianleighwishesshewasme @meadowshelby @lavender-haze-01 @strangeions @watermeezer

I have referenced the bracket with domestic violence. I consider it domestic violence, but some of you may not. But just in case you share my view, I've put that little indicator there.

-------

“Right,” Cillian holds his hands out before him. You're all perched on stools at the island and looking at one another awkwardly. “How are we doing this, Aran?” You can hear his anxiety, and see it in the frequency of his tongue swiping over his lips.You look at the young man and wonder what he's thinking. He's not so readable as his dad is.

“I dunno.” Aran says quietly.

“Well, will I tell you anything or do you want to get your questions asked?” Cillian offers a choice.

Aran takes a deep breath. “I can ask what I want?”

“Anything you need to, son. I'm not going to hide anything.” Cillian insists.

Aran looks a little relieved for a moment, and then you wonder if he realises he now has a free pass. “When did you start seeing her?” Aran asks, and he doesn't look at you for a moment.

“Nearly a year before your Mum and me split up.” Cillian answers calmly. “But Aran, your Mum and me, we were going that way anyway. We did not split because I was seeing Y/N. I'd nearly made that decision by that point already, and it only got worse.”

“And the baby?” Aran asks, but he looks at you this time. “If he wasn't with Mum, would you have kept it?”

You shake your head, “I don't know. I can't give you an answer for that, because I don't know what would have happened if things were different.”

“Does Mum know any of it?” He asked, and you look to Cillian as Aran does.

Cillian shakes his head. “I don't think so: like I said, we were in bad shape, Aran. We would have snapped sooner or later. Things were not good. But when we broke it all off and decided to separate, I didn't mention Y/N. Mostly, I didn't mention her because there was enough shit under the bridge for your Mum and for me to end it. No new reasons were needed. I suppose I didn't see the point in fueling the fire.”

Aran looks at his hands, wringing together as his arms rest on the island, and he takes a few steady breaths. “Why, Dad?” he looks up at Cillian and you can see he's grappling. “If you wanted to split up with Mum, you should have. You should have left her before, not after.”

“I know,” Cillian nods, and you don't like the guilty look on his face.

“And did you know he was married, and that me and Mal existed?” Aran asks, turning to you again, and there's an edge to his voice.

Swallowing nervously, you nod your head. “I did.” You say quietly.

“You're an idiot,” he turns back on his father. “You got her fucking pregnant, Dad! Cheated on Mum and got her pregnant, that the biggest cliché there is, you know?” Cillian closes his eyes but let's Aran get out what he has to. “It's disgusting. It was disgusting enough when you were seeing her before the divorce was even sorted, it's ten times as bad knowing the truth of it.” He sniffs. “It's not just that, either, it's like…like you don't respect Mal and me, that you'd go shagging around making new kids and didn't even have the balls to be honest about it. And you left, Dad! Us, and Mum, for Y/N. You think dinners and lifts from school make it okay?”

“Aran,” you say gently.

“No, he said I can say what I need to. And it needs to be said. You're both disgusting. Sneaking and lying. You're liars.” Aran snaps back. “I thought I was okay and just needed to know, but it isn't okay. It's not okay because it feels like you lied to me.”

“You were thirteen when Mum and me split up, Aran. I wasn't going to sit you down and go over the specifics. But I did sit with you and Malachy, though, and I told you the truth - I did tell you the truth, Aran. We couldn't be together any longer, the rowing and the fucking silent treatment. Sure half the time I was away and would ring to talk to you boys, I'd be ignored entirely or she'd say youse were out or something. She started keeping you from me when I was right there, and the fights got worse when I'd be home.” Cillian explains himself as calmly as he can..”If I thought at the time I'd be helping you or Malachy by telling youse about Y/N, I would have. But it was enough pain for the two of ye that Mum and me couldn't be together anymore. I didn't want to make it any harder.”

“Would you ever have said anything, if I didn't find those?” Aran asks quietly.

Cillian shrugs one shoulder. “I don't know. Maybe when you were older. But I don't know, Aran. Maybe not. Sure what good is it doing for you now knowing? You're angry, and it's causing more trouble it need not have caused.”

“You said you didn't leave because of Y/N, so why did you only leave after you were seeing one another?” Aran asks, and he's calmer, and he looks at his Dad, then at you.

Cillian looks at you with a small smile, though his eyes are still sad and anxious, and then he looks back at Aran as he considers his sons question. “She helped me make the choice. Nothing she did, she didn't say leave her, she didn't tell me to get divorced - I don't mean it that way. But away from your Mum, and with Y/N, apart from missing you two or worrying about you two, I felt happier. There were no arguments, or being ignored, or threatened with the chance I'd lose the two of ye.*

“We heard it, you know?” Aran says and you frown.

“The arguments?” Cillian asks.

Aran nods his head, “Yeah. Sometimes.” you feel sad for him and for Cillian.

Cillian sighs sadly, “I'm sorry.”

“One time, we heard you telling her to stop something, that you didn't like it and then there was a noise and Malachy was gonna go out and I said no. And then Mum was crying and she was saying she was sorry. Did she hit you?” Aran asks.

Cillian shakes his head quickly, “No, Aran, nobody hit anybody. But there were a few nights she'd throw things, when she was angry. Sometimes I understood I'd made her angry, even if I hadn't meant to. Other times, she was just angry and I couldn't work it out. She wasn't happy either, Aran. It wasn't working, the two of us, but we were trying to get back to where we used to be, to keep things going well for the two of ye.”

“She slapped that Easter.” Aran says and you turn your face to Cillian slowly. “Uncle Páidi was there, Dad, you both were, like, bickering and he kept saying it wasn't right. Mal and I weren't stupid, Dad, we could see it and hear it. And we were outside and Páidi was going in and we looked up and the kitchen window and you shouted something and Mum slapped your face. So don't say she didn’t do it, Dad.”

Cillian takes a deep breath and he sort of rolls his eyes, almost like a shrug action but with his face, and you want to reach out and touch him but you don't want to upset Aran. “I don't…” Cillian sighs.

“I never saw you do it, and we didn't see her to it again either. But we always thought we knew when she did.” Aran says. “And that time you two had the fight after you got back from filing away somewhere. It was like days of doors slammed and,” he shakes his head and laughs sarcastically. He's seeing it all, in his mind, you know, and you feel for him. “And she put your case at the top of the stairs, and you went to Síle's for a week. You'd been gone ages, and you went again.”

“Jesus . Aran, I'm sorry.” Cillian says so gently, so quietly, he sounds lost and small. “We never wanted to hurt you or your brother, and I know I'm not painting your Mum out well here, but she didn't want you two hurting either. But I see that it has, beyond us just splitting up. And I wish we'd done it sooner because then you'd have been saved from that. Especially those last couple of years when I was barely there, working, staying elsewhere, fighting when I was there or the fucking silences, and then just being around until bedtime. I know you knew I would leave at night.”

Aran nods his head. “You used to come back about five in the morning.” He smirks.

Cillian smiles sadly, “Yeah,” he sighs.

“He'd stay with you, before he left at the end, when he wasn't at home?” Aran asks you.

You nod, “Yeah, right before the split he did. Yeah.” You offer him a small smile. “He talked about you and Malachy all the time, still does. He never wanted to be gone, be away from you. He just couldn't stay with your Mum any longer.” It's quiet for a minute. Nobody shifts, nobody speaks, and you wonder what the two of them are thinking. Then Aran speaks up again.

“Dinner, and driving us, Dad… it is good. It means we see you all the time.” He says, quietly. It's a sorry, you realise, and you see the small look of acceptance that crossed Cillian's face. “But I just, I wish you didn't lie. I wish you didn't…” he takes a deep breath. “...I wish you didn't have a fucking affair, Dad. That's just as bad as Mum slapping your face, you know? Youse could have just left each other, but you both hurt each other and you lied. And that's worse. And worse again is that you two were…and then you'd come home and be with Mum….”

Cillian shifts awkwardly and you cringe, knowing instantly what Aran is so agonisingly trying to say. “No, Aran…” Cillian holds out his hands. “No. Your Mum and me were not in the same room for over a year. I wasn't …bed hopping.” He almost laughs but neither of you find it funny.

Aran looks at you for a moment, and you feel exposed. You're glad he's asking what he wants, you think, and you're proud of Cillian for answering him honestly. But it still feels a lot, like removing a scab, and you're not sure the wound is ready. “I won't say anything.” He says. “But I think you should, to Malachy at least. Maybe you don't owe Mum that, I dunno, but Mal should know.”

Quiet falls again and you breathe through a wave of nausea once again. You get up from the stool and take a glass from the dish drainer, then fill it from the tap. With your back to Cillian and Aran, you sip the water slowly, fighting the feeling of a rising gag. You want to sit closer and hold Cillian, you want to rest your head on his shoulder and lace your fingers with his - and yet you don't, because you don't want to hurt his son.

“About the baby though,” Aran says suddenly. You freeze at the sink, then slowly turn around. “If you were going to leave Mum anyway, why didn't you just keep it?”

Cillian considered the question and licks his lips slowly, “It wasn't the right time. It wasn't fair to Y/N because I couldn't be with her right then, and it wasn't fair to you two or your Mum - because then I would have had to have told you all everything, and hurt you all. And it wasn't fair to me, either. I was in no place to be seeing to a wee one when you two were going to need me more with everything I knew was coming. It just wasn't the right time, for anyone.”

Aran frowns, “I don't know all about it, Dad, but you let her go on her own? Don't they like, kill the baby? I mean…”

“Aran,” Cillian shakes his head and then looks at you. Your chin quivers. “I wanted to be there, and I couldn't be. I'm not proud of myself, son, and I'm not going to excuse it. I wasn't there when she needed me and I'm going to regret that for as long as I live. But at the time I thought between working and protecting you and Mal from what was going on, hiding it, that I was doing the right thing. It wasn't.*

You feel your heart beating quicker at Cillian's admissions. Sure, he's said he's sorry so many times, but he's never been so willing to hold up his deficiencies like that before. You swallow hard, nausea and emotions swimming around your entire insides, and you keep your eyes on him.

Aran nods his head slowly. “Sorry you had to…do that.” He says, quietly, and you're not sure if he's saying it to you or to his Dad but you take it into your heart.

“How do you feel, now?” Cillian asks, his eyes fixed on his son.

Aran shrugs, “Think I understand it better. It doesn't make it better, or make what you did okay,” he shrugs again. “I mean you stayed together, yeah? You and Y/N. So it wasn't like a stupid thing that got in the way.”

“No, not at all.” Cillian says quickly. “And Aran I don't hate your Mum or anything; I could never have stayed but it was both of us that were causing the problem, it wasn't one sided. And we have you two - she's always going to be important. I just couldn't stay.”

Aran nods his head and you watch his expression. “I get that.” He says and you're surprised at the maturity, especially against his earlier clear anger. “Sometimes things just change.”

“Exactly.” Cillian nods slowly. “What doesn't change is how important you and Malachy are, you know that, yeah?”

Aran nods, “Yeah,” he whispers.

Cillian takes a deep breath. “And no matter what happens in this house, in this relationship, you and Mal are always going to be important. I might make more choices you're not entirely happy with, but it doesn't mean I'm doing it against you. You two aren't babies now, and you'll be away in your own homes with your own lives soon enough.”

“You say that like you're planning something,” Aran jokes nervously.

“I just mean that choices we might make in the future aren't meant to hurt you, but that it'd be choices for us and our life,” he gestures towards you. “Not for you and Malachy.”

Aran nods his head again, “I get it, Dad.”

“I love you two so much, and I'll be here whenever you need me.” He says with a catch in his voice. You study his face, wondering if this is the moment he cries. But he doesn't. “But I also love Y/N, and our life here matters too.”

“I know.” Aran says, and again he's quiet.

Cillian shifts on the stool. “Do you have anything else you need to ask, or anything you need to say?”

Aran looks at him for a moment, then at you, then back to his Dad. “No.” He says quietly.

“If you choose to tell your Mum and your brother, I can't stop you. But I'd prefer it if you didn't. And maybe soon, I'll do it.” Cillian says, and he sounds so diplomatic, so fair and even, and you're not sure why he isn't trembling you are.

“I won't,” Aran sighs. “What good would it do?”

You feel it to be a rhetorical question, and it throws you off when Cillian answers it. “None at all, Aran.” He swipes his tongue over his lips. He gets to his feet. “C'mere,” he says to him, opening his arms. “Give me a fucking hug.”

Aran scoffs but he gets off the stool and walks around to meet his father. You watch as they lock their arms around one another and you feel relieved for Cillian. His eyes are closed as he holds his son tightly. He's lightened by the talk, and you're glad. But you wonder where your arms of support are?