#and the way he kept rambling so fucking far off topic i forgot what the question even was half the time

[iluvjesus666]

that debate sure was something!

[satendou]

⟼  monster

⍣ all time low series | next | 1/4

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⇢  pairing: tendo/reader

⇢ au: atl!au, college!au

⇢ summary: you like horror movies, tendou likes horror movies, what could go wrong?

⇥ masterlist

⇢ warnings: unprotected sex, creampie, fingering, mentions of bullying, insecurities, piercings, cursing

⇢ word count: 13.2k

・‥…━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━…‥・

⇢ a/n: i think this is the biggest fic i’ve ever written and it’s one of my favorites, if not my absolute favorite i’ve written so far. it was kinda hard to write it in a way that stayed true to my vision for it but also didn’t make it childish, so i hope i succeeded in that regard. as always, thank you to @keijiskitten​ for editing this!

“Oh, come on, ‘Kaashi,” you said, setting your hand on your hip. You were standing around in the middle of the classroom with him and a few others, waiting for your professor to show up who was no doubt getting a coffee from the overflowing Starbucks down the street. Class would be half over before he finally arrived. “It’s just a few scary movies.”

“Sorry, _____. I have to study and I just know that trying to watch movies with you and study is gonna be a nightmare,” he said, giving you a sympathetic look. “And give me nightmares.”

You rolled your eyes and looked around to Bokuto, who was scrolling through his phone while he chatted with Yaku about the next practice. That was a hard no. Poor Bo would agree without complaint and wind up with nightmares for a week, clinging to you throughout the night. Catching Akaashi’s eye, you exchanged knowing looks and chuckles.

“Hey, _____,” Semi said from your other side. He was busy filling out a music sheet with notes for his next possible song, and the way he said your name indicated he was more focused on that than your quandary.

Still, you turned to look at him over your shoulder, quirking your eyebrow at him. When he didn’t immediately continue, you prompted him. “What’s up?”

“Oh, right,” he said, looking up from the paper. He gave you a small smile and tapped the tip of his pencil on the desk in a smooth rhythm, leaving small marks all over the surface. “You should see if Tendo wants to join you. He’s really into horror movies too.”

“Um, who?”

Semi’s eyes widened in surprise and he pointed over his shoulder. You could hear Akaashi snicker from your other side. The chair on Semi’s other side tipped back on its back legs, and a man with close-cut red hair peeked around his back, waving cheekily at you.

“Hi, name’s Tendo Satori. I’ve only been hanging around you for about two weeks now,” he said and, though he sounded lighthearted and jovial about it, you could see the way his eyes remained narrowed, scrutinizing you. And he didn’t look impressed.

You flushed bright red, realizing you did know him but had never committed his name to memory. Mostly because he hadn’t ever really said anything to you or seemed interested in you at all. 

“I-- well, I’m sorry,” you offered awkwardly. But you meant it, at least. You felt a bit bad now that he was in your face. Trying to lighten the mood, you joked, “I’m _____ _____ and my brain space is committed to horror movies and studying. No space for names I’m afraid.”

Semi rolled his eyes and Akaashi heaved a long-suffering sigh, covering his eyes with his hand, but Tendo laughed at your stupid joke. His eyes eased up, his smile relaxing, and he now looked genuinely interested. 

“A horror movie marathon, huh? I’m interested. Why don’t you tell me more?”

--

Tendo didn’t actually expect it to go his way. As with most other people, he was sure you were just faking your enthusiasm and would flake out once you were free of him. 

And yet when lunch rolled around and your group of friends were standing in the breezeway, shivering as you tried to pick out some place to go and eat off campus, you fell into step beside him.

“I really am sorry for not knowing who you were,” you offered, adjusting your bag on your shoulder and slipping a pair of gloves on. “Could we, maybe--”

He cut you off, grinning. “Forgiven and forgotten, _____.”

Hesitantly, you smiled back. He was strange, to be sure. Even though you hadn’t really had a true conversation with him yet, you got the feeling he was different, eccentric and unpredictable maybe. The way he harassed the shit out of Semi and some of the others was hysterical, though. You couldn’t pinpoint what it was that made you feel that way, but it wasn’t bad. You were even a little curious.

“Okay cool. So if, by chance, we were to do this movie marathon, how would you feel about cannibals?” you asked, tapping your chin thoughtfully. It was a theme you had been thinking about for a while, but none of your friends were into horror movies much, let alone a dozen or so movies centered around such a gory theme.

Tendo clicked his tongue and you heard a strange clink. “Hypothetically, right?”

“Right,” you said, your eyes zeroed in on his mouth, waiting for him to speak again.

He hummed, his lips curling in thought and his eyes narrowing as he stared off in the distance. Second in height only to Bokuto, he towered over everyone even though the two of you walked together at the back of the group. Speaking of Bokuto, you could hear him over the chatter of the other students around you, talking about the diner just a block away from the school and guessed that that was where you were going. 

Then he shrugged. “That sounds rad. What’re you thinking? Hypothetically.”

“Well, obviously gotta go with The Hills Have Eyes. I mean, it’s a classic. And then of course Wrong Turn because there’s so many of those. And, uh…that’s all I have, but that’s literally like 8 movies and if we get past those I don’t know what we’ll do,” you said, weaving through the throngs of people on the sidewalk. You had forgotten you had been trying to see what was in his mouth just a few minutes ago as you avoided toes. You could see the diner sign up ahead, reading “Newly Opened” and a list of menu items, but it was otherwise obscured from your view.

A gasp from Tendo startled you and you whipped around to look at him, only to find him staring at you in disbelief.

He had to fight the laugh in his chest from coming up at the wide-eyed, freaked out look on your face as he said, “I cannot believe you’ve forgotten the most classic of classic cannibal movies, _____. How could you forget The Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies?”

Relief mingled with amusement on your face when you realized what he was getting at, and you covered your mouth as you laughed. Putting on your best ashamed expression, you closed your eyes. “I can’t believe I forgot those. I’m such a fake fan.”

“Kicked out of the club for sure,” he said, holding the door open for you. The bustle of the diner drowned out anything more Tendo said as you followed the others towards a large table in the back corner. After that, you were seated between Semi and Akaashi and the conversation was halted.

For the time being.

--

You didn’t bring up the marathon again, though you snagged Tendo’s number the day after you went to the diner. The conversation started out about movies and morphed into other topics like majors, highschools, how he knew Eita and how you had met Bokuto and Akaashi, amongst others. It left Tendo in a bit of confusion. The two of you kept up a steady stream of communication throughout the day, even sneaking in texts during classes that could net you extra work or pop quizzes. And yet never once was the marathon mentioned.

Part of him was bummed because he had kind of been looking forward to the movies, but the larger part of him was unsurprised. Something like that was way too intimate, and for someone like you to want to do something like that with a-- someone like him was too much to hope for. He was just happy that you weren’t avoiding him like most others did; he wasn’t going to ask for more.

Except he kind of did want more, and he didn’t want to feel that. The disappointment was already tangible on his tongue and he swallowed it down every time he saw you in the hall, chatting or laughing with someone else. It would ease slightly when you would turn to look in his direction, flashing a smile and waving as you passed by. In class, you started sitting beside him, Bokuto and Akaashi often following behind, and he found his small group of friends growing because of you. Bokuto was loud and brash and treated him like they were best friends, and Akaashi’s quiet demeanor reminded him a lot of Ushijima. Except he was maybe a little more expressive. 

You even started walking home with him, parting ways when you had to go in different directions with a soft smile and a shine in your eyes that he tried not to read too much into. He enjoyed those days, when no one else was around and he just talked. You even knew some of the manga he read, and he lost himself rambling about Jump. When he brought it up once, about how he talked too much, you shook your head frantically. 

“No, no, I don’t mind! It reminds me of Bokuto, to be honest. He can talk about anything and keep a conversation going so easily. I’m kinda jealous,” you said, giving him that satisfied smile again.

He tried to clamp down on the feelings, to keep a tight rein on the emotions that kept trying to pull his eyes in your direction anytime he heard your voice or drew his thoughts to you late at night.

Sighing, he rubbed his eyes, frustrated at the fact that he was thinking of you a-fuckin’-gain. Didn’t he have enough to worry about without wondering what you thought of him? He already knew. You weren’t interested. It was fine.

His phone dinged, the screen lighting up to reveal your name and a text.

You: ‘watcha up to?’ Tendo: ‘nm. studying and suffering. you?’ Y: ‘“studying” sksks what’re you doing tomorrow night by chance?’

Tendo’s heart stuttered in his chest and he groaned, barely resisting the urge to fling his phone out the frost covered window in front of him. For the love of god, could the universe stop fucking with him? Clicking his tongue, he considered telling you he was busy. It would be easiest, and save him the disappointment that was sure to accompany whatever you had planned.

But his fingers were traitorous and typed out exactly what he didn’t want to say. Or so he told himself.

T: ‘nothin. what’re you thinkin?’ Y: ‘well...i’m thinkin about cannibals’

Tendou snorted at that and watched the three little dots appear again.

Y: ‘and u’

He choked and slammed his phone down on the desk, wincing and immediately picking it back up to check the damage. No, no way, he wouldn’t look at it like that. It wasn’t like that. You were just inviting him for the movie marathon in a totally platonic way.

Another message came in.

Y: ‘and me’

You were actually trying to kill him.

--

He could think of nothing the next day but how much he was looking forward to that night. Once he had finally gotten his shit together enough to text you back, the kinks had been worked out. It was almost a no brainer that he would be spending the night. A movie marathon with twelve movies meant an all-nighter, if the two of you could pull it off. He would go home after classes, while away the few hours until around six o’clock, and then head to the address you had given him. 

Unfortunately, he didn’t see much of you that day. You shared no classes, and you had a class when he took lunch, so he ate with Semi and Bokuto that day. Instead you snuck texts to him when you could, mostly talking about how excited you were for that night. It didn’t help, somehow both fanning and soothing his inner turmoil.

“Why do you look like you’re gonna throw up?” Semi asked at last. Tendo was staring at his half-eaten chicken sandwich like it had mortally offended him, and he was curious. 

Tendo jumped, having forgotten the other two were even with him, and shook his head. “Uh, nothin’.”

But Bokuto snickered and leaned in to whisper to Semi, who was already suspicious of his short, clipped answer. Whether he actually wanted to whisper or not, Tendo wasn’t sure, but Bo sure as shit didn’t manage it. “Him and _____ are gonna watch movies tonight.”

Of course you had told Bokuto. And probably Akaashi too. He wondered if they had changed their minds and decided to join you when they found out. It put a rather annoying feeling in his chest, like someone was squeezing his heart.

The other two were still talking in a loud whisper, watching Tendo’s expression shift and flicker through a myriad of emotions. Bokuto was lost, but Semi could recognize them after so many years of knowing the moody red-head, and wanted to laugh. He was so good at hiding his negative emotions, but when it came to sadness or happiness, he was like an open book. And he was being pretty obvious right then.

“Wow, that’s pretty big, Tendo,” he said, watching his friend closely. Tendo flinched, shrinking into his hoodie, and Semi nodded to himself. “Don’t let yourself get so worked up. She wouldn’t ask if she didn’t want to.”

He knew where Tendo’s insecurities were coming from. A childhood fraught with bullies and fake friends and people pretending they wanted him around only to treat him like a freak. Even through highschool it was that way, with a particularly nasty incident involving a girl pretending to want to date him that ended with Tendo refusing to come to school for almost a week. After that, he kept to himself and the volleyball club, refusing to even acknowledge that anyone else might actually want to get to know him seriously.

It had gotten a bit easier when he left Shiratorizawa and those memories and most of those people behind. Growing up with them was what had made it hardest, so surrounding himself with fresh people who didn’t have any preconceived notions and rumors about him had allowed him to open up a little. Even Ushijima, across the ocean in California, noticed a marked difference in Tendo’s demeanor.

Semi just hoped you didn’t do anything to send him spiralling back into his insecurities.

“Yeah, I guess.” 

It was easy for Semi to say that, but he had no idea what it was like, constantly worrying if people were being serious or if they were just waiting to pull the rug out from under him. Even now, he was fighting with himself to just get through the day, waiting constantly for you to change your mind and cancel the plans. Every time his phone lit up with your name, he expected it.

And yet, even after his classes ended and he arrived home, you didn’t. Just commenting that you would be MIA for a while while you cleaned the apartment and went to the store. And when you came back a few hours later, while he was binging Buzzfeed Unsolved videos, his heart leapt into his throat, but you were only telling him what you had gotten for him and to pick up anything else he might want on the way over.

The time couldn’t pass by fast enough while he busied himself packing as slowly as he could. He was already wearing sweatpants but brought a pair of basketball shorts just in case. A clean t-shirt and the other essential items he would need for the night went into a backpack, and when that was done he decided it was a good time to leave.

Unable to help himself, he sent you a text before he left, interrupting whatever you were already typing, the three little bubbles disappearing for a moment while you read his text.

T: ‘you sure you’re alright with this? i don’t have to come over’ Y: ‘?’ Y: ‘do u not want to!’ Y: ‘?*’ Y: ‘we can do this another time if you want’

He was typing before he could really think about the possibility that that might be the best option, his heart thumping harder than he liked in his chest, and he willed himself to take a deep breath. It was just two friends hanging out, watching horror movies together. Nothing more.

T: ‘no i do. was just making sure you were still ok w it.’ T: ‘leaving now to get snacks. your choices s u c k’ Y: ofc hurry up and get over here Y: ‘tf rude’

Locking the door behind him, he slung his bag onto his shoulder and sighed, hoping the night didn’t end as badly as his nerves were telling him it would.

--

Your doorbell rang an hour later, while you were in the middle of setting up your room for the binge. You were hoping he wouldn’t mind, but you didn’t want to make him uncomfortable either. It was hard to miss the nervousness and the way he seemed to shy away from you sometimes, especially when you did certain things like reach out to pull something off his hoodie or read something over his shoulder. But you wanted this to be as normal as possible, to prove to him you were genuine.

You liked Tendo. A lot. 

He was funny and sweet and just as eccentric as you had expected. His jokes were off-color but not offensive, just sarcastic and witty and you giggled every time. The way his face lit up when he heard you sent your heart into a frenzy, and the way it fell and he seemed to shrink into himself a moment later hurt. It didn't feel like a rejection of you but instead a rejection of himself and you wondered if there was any way to help him understand that you didn’t want anything from him but for him to be himself.

Upon opening the door, you found it was only the pizza delivery man, and you smiled with disappointment, until you spotted a shaved red-head coming up behind him.

Tendo gulped when he spotted you in your open doorway, wearing woolen leggings and a t-shirt, exchanging a box of pizza for cash and smiling brightly at him over the man’s shoulder. Waving, he waited until the stranger was out of the way before he approached you.

“Hey,” he greeted, peering down at you before scanning the empty living room of your apartment over your head.

You were unsurprised to see the wariness in his eyes, bleeding into the smile he was forcing on his face. It was your first time seeing a look so fake on him and for the first time you wondered if this was really a good idea. But it was only movies. And you liked Tendo. It would be fine.

So you smiled and ushered him in with one hand, the box perched precariously on your other, and watched him shrink into himself like he always did when he came within touching distance of you until he had passed into the living room. Then he just stood there, peering around with that same suspicious look, eyes narrowed and mouth turned down at the corners.

“So, what do you think?” you asked, pretending you hadn’t seen it as you moved into the kitchen. 

“It’s nice,” he answered, letting his bag hit the floor with a thump. The rest of the apartment was silent save for the heater going, and little by little he felt himself relaxing. “You didn’t have to go through all this trouble for little ol’ me, y’know.”

You giggled at the way he pointed at himself, wearing a cheesy grin as he walked into the kitchen. “Maybe not, but it’s been ages since I’ve been able to do anything like this. It’s as much for me as it is for you.” You punctuated your statement by poking him lightly in the chest, and he feigned pain.

“You wound me. And here I thought you were treating me special,” he moaned, leaning back against the counter and placing his hand over his forehead. He grinned a little hearing you giggle again, and then the pizza box hit his arm.

“I am treating you special, you goof,” you said, opening it up and letting the smell of cheese fill the kitchen. “With pizza. But I think we’d better take it into the bedroom, since that’s where we’ll be watching the movies. Just in case we fall asleep, you know,” you tacked on at the end, suddenly realizing how that might sound. Not that it meant anything, but again, you feared making him uncomfortable.

Absorbed in your thoughts, you missed the faint dusting of pink on his cheeks, clashing marvelously with his vibrant hair. You carried the box down to your bedroom with Tendo on your heels, eager to see your room. It was about what he expected from you-- a messy bed, a cluttered desk, clothes half in your laundry basket and half on the floor surrounding it. The TV sitting on your dresser was already set up with The Hills Have Eyes menu playing, volume muted. You set the box on the bed before smoothing the covers and crawling on.

Tendo hovered in the middle of your room, casting his eyes around nervously, looking for a chair or something to sit on. He definitely did not want to assume, but you patted the bed beside you, giving him a quizzical look.

“I’m not gonna bite, Tendo. Promise,” you said, and though you made it sound like a joke he could hear a line of seriousness at the core. Running his tongue over the back of his teeth, he walked slowly towards you, giving you every opportunity to change your mind, but you just looked impatient until he climbed on beside you. “Alright, now let’s get this started!”

--

Two movies in and the two of you had gotten pretty comfortable. Both of you had stretched out on the bed, but you had decided to lean up against the headboard with your pillows to support you while Tendo had opted to lay on his stomach with his head resting on his arms by your feet.

“Would you stop?” he laughed, pushing your foot away where it had been tapping incessantly at his shoulder. You were just doing it to annoy him, and you giggled at the irritated amusement in his voice.

The pizza box sat empty on the floor by the bed, but you found yourself craving something else to eat. When you hummed, Tendo looked away from the screen, rolling onto his side and propping his chin in his hand to watch you nibble at your lip. It was cute, he couldn’t lie, and the anxiety he had repressed by getting distracted by the movie came back slowly.

“What’s up?”

“I’m thinkin’ about...those chips,” you answered, and made to get up. You had to crawl over his long legs and almost fell off the bed as you gracelessly made your move, knee slipping off the small space between his leg and the edge of the mattress. Sticking your tongue out as he laughed at you, you pranced towards the door. 

“Bring my bags too, would you?” he called, pausing the movie since you had forgotten. It had just started, and you were lucky that he was nice enough to do it, especially when he heard your voice carry back down the hallway.

“Kiss my ass, Tendo.”

He laughed at that, loud enough that you could hear it from the kitchen and over the crinkling of the bags as you rifled through them. In the end, you shrugged and carried them all back down to your room, along with a few drinks. Maybe you wouldn’t have to get up again for a little while.

You shivered when you stepped back into the room. It wasn’t much warmer than the rest of the house, and now your arms and toes were cold. The heater was already set as high as it would go and hardly touched the chill, and you cursed the cheap piece of crap. 

“What, you cold?” he asked, pulling out a bag of the chips he had brought with him. The tab on a can of soda popped and he cursed as it fizzed over onto your blanket. “Shit, sorry.”

“No worries. Yeah, kinda. But the heater is already on full blast. Ugh,” you said, sitting beside him on the bed again. He was still wearing his hoodie, and up close he was warm, making you realize just how cold you were. You were just gonna have to crawl under your blankets because you would never survive the cold like that. “Wait…”

There was a tent on the screen where the movie had paused, and Tendo looked back and forth from it to you with curiosity. There was a calculating look on your face and he wasn’t sure he liked it. “Uh, what?”

There was no way he would agree to it. Way too intimate, right? But it really seemed like it’d be right up his alley, and it would be fun to build, and it would get you warm. It was the perfect idea really.

“Tendo, how do you feel about making...a pillow fort?”

The heater continued to buzz in the corner, overlaid by the slight static from the TV, while Tendo processed your question. His mouth had fallen open, brows furrowed while he stared at you in what could only be surprise, and you laughed nervously.

“Wha-- Seriously?”

“Um, you know what, nevermind. I guess it was a stupid idea. It just seemed like it might be fun and--”

He cut your babbling off with an excited wave of his arms, leaning forward into your space and in the light from the TV you could see a childlike happiness glowing in his eyes. “I’ve never made one but it sounds like fun. You know how to do it?”

Stunned by the turn of events, you nodded. “Well, sort of. Mine have always fallen down after a while though,” you admitted, standing up from the bed again. “We need chairs and books and all the blankets and pillows we can find. And the couch cushions. Probably.”

In no time flat you had everything gathered, with Tendou hovering around waiting for you to direct him. It was a pain to get everything set up, and you ended up using the bed since you didn’t have enough chairs. Moving the chairs all over the place until there was enough room inside and you could put the books down to seal the ‘walls’ was tedious, but it was worth it when Tendo crawled in to set up the cushions to seal the space beneath the bed. After padding the floor with several blankets to lay on, you stuffed the pillows from your bed in after Tendo. When you didn’t immediately crawl in after him, he poked his head out to see what you were doing.

“Well, we didn’t think this through at all, so now we gotta watch the movies on my laptop,” you said as you ejected the DVD from your player. The jingle of your computer booting up played and backlit your face in the glow, and you prayed it wasn’t going to go right into an update. It took a few minutes to start up, so you passed it to him while you plugged the power cord in and ran it into the fort. 

You could hear the clicking of the mousepad and by the time you flipped off the light and crawled in beside Tendo, the movie menu was playing. You also realized just how cramped it really was with Tendo’s lanky form inside. There was just enough space for both of you, but you were going to have to either sit up with it in your lap or you were going to have to set it to the side of you and lay on your sides.

He was tense, staring determinedly at the movie playing and trying to avoid moving too much. Or so you guessed, anyway. Anytime you so much as shifted he would jerk away before relaxing, and you were a split second away from nixing the idea. A part of you was starting to wonder if it wasn’t you that was the problem, but if it was, why had he bothered to agree?

“You’re really warm, Tendo,” you said, trying to break the ice. It was an awkward and clumsy attempt, but maybe you could help him settle down if you showed him you weren’t uncomfortable first?

But that just made him pull further away, leaning against the couch cushions. “Oh, sorry.”

It was already warm and comfortable in your little fort, a light blanket thrown over your knees and warming your toes. And with him beside you, you were actually a little more than comfortable. “No,” you said, waving your hands frantically, “no, like, it’s nice. I’m finally warm.”

It was hard to tell in the washed out light of the laptop, but Tendo’s face turned a very bright shade of pink. He tugged the neck of his hoodie up over his nose and fixed his eyes firmly on the flickering violence, annoyed that he was overwhelmed by something so simple. Why did you have to be so damn cute?

But it did the trick, even if he didn’t know that was your intention. He finally relaxed and stopped flinching every time you shifted, trying to find a comfortable position. Sitting cross legged only worked for so long and Tendo noticed you moving around after a while, when your knee knocked his for the third or fourth time.

“You alright? You’re about to bring the whole fort down,” he commented around a mouthful of chips.

“Ah, well, my back is starting to hurt sitting up, I guess. I wanna lay down,” you said, sounding whinier than you meant to, following it up with a short stretch. It alleviated the pain for a moment, until you hunched over again.

He swallowed his chips and returned his eyes to the TV screen, thinking. On one hand, he wasn’t exactly comfortable. On the other, he had no idea what you were thinking. Did you want to abandon the fort?

But you didn’t say anything, fiddling with the blanket for a few moments as you tried to work up your courage. You damn sure didn’t want to tear down your fort-- it had taken you way too long to put the stupid thing up-- and if you said the idea of cuddling up with Tendo wasn’t appealing, you would surely go to hell for lying. The underlying problem was him. What would he say if you brought up the obvious solution?

You were taking too long to answer, so Tendo prompted you, pausing the movie. “Do you want to just get back on the bed again?”

“No,” you said, and then flinched. You had answered way too quickly and that somehow made him nervous and reassured at the same time. “This is really nice I just…I-know-that-you’re-kind-of-uncomfortable-and-I-don’t-want-to-make-you-more-uncomfortable.”

Tendou stared at you, unblinking as he tried to decipher your breathlessly rushed words. After a moment he laughed, still confused, but he could see the anxiety on your face. “I-- what? All I heard was uncomfortable, I think. But you don’t make me uncomfortable.”

Your heart thumped painfully in your chest as that weight left your shoulders. He was so intuitive it was almost scary. Even still, you had to make sure. “Oh, really? You always seem like...weird around me, I guess. I was starting to think I was pushing too hard, I guess?”

“Sorry,” he said, scratching the back of his head. His elbow brushed the sheet above you and he quickly dropped it. “I’m used to people being uncomfortable around me. Guess it just turned into a habit to avoid people I don’t know. So that I don’t freak them out.”

Not entirely true, given that he enjoyed messing with people, but it was true in your* case. It took you a moment to answer, and he started to worry that he had said too much. 

“You don’t...make me uncomfortable, Tendo. You never did. You’re a weirdo but not...in a bad way,” you said, and glanced at him to gauge his reaction, worried he would take it in a negative light.

But he was smiling, eyes fixed on the paused movie and you bit your lip. He was way too attractive and you couldn’t fathom anyone who thought otherwise. Clearly they were just cowards.

“Well that’s a relief. It would make things pre-tty awkward right now if I did,” he said and bumped your shoulder. It felt like a whole planet was lifted off his shoulders with this revelation and he heaved a huge sigh. “So, if we don’t want to abandon the fort but our backs are about to crumble, what do we do?”

“Uh.” You blanched, having forgotten about that little hiccup. Your idea was embarrassing to think about let alone explain and if you hadn’t made him uncomfortable yet this was sure to.

“Uh,” he mocked, and twisted around like a snake so his face was in front of you, blocking the light from the screen. “Spit it out before we collapse.”

“Just-- um--” you stuttered, and he quickly realized whatever your idea was, it had you flustered. He was just about to start teasing when you picked up the laptop and set it to the side of you. Rolling over onto your side, you tucked your hand underneath your pillow and relaxed, feeling the pain immediately alleviate. “Now you lay down. If you want.”

Your heart was racing in your chest, waiting for him to do something. It was a long, long minute before he finally said anything, and it wasn’t what you expected. Not that you had any idea of what to expect.

“Uh, are you sure? I mean, we could just--” What was he thinking? This was exactly what he wanted and wasn’t it Semi who had said she wouldn’t ask if she didn’t want it? Did he really have to overthink everything? You were in a literal pillow fort watching scary movies with him, offering to let him cuddle up with you, and he still thought you weren’t sure.

“Well, unless you aren’t,” you said, and was that disappointment in your voice? No way.

“No no, no. I’m gonna take my hoodie off first, though. It’s way too warm in here now,” he said, backtracking quickly. Then again, maybe it was just him that was too hot. It was an actual dream come true, and he pinched himself quickly just to make sure he wasn’t asleep. 

You rolled over onto your back to watch him struggle, his arms brushing the ceiling and walls of your warm little haven as he fought the hoodie. Your eyes widened as it finally came free, seeing the colorful swirls of ink covering his arms. “Holy shit.”

“Wha--?” he said, and turned to find you staring open mouthed at his tattoos. “Oh, right, I guess you haven’t seen these before, huh?”

“Nope,” you said, sitting up and squinting to see the undefined shapes in the faint light. It was almost cute the way he held his arm out to you hesitantly, like a child offering you a drawing to examine and praise. Taking it, you traced the lines covering his smooth, warm skin, trying to figure out what they were. But the shapes were undefinable in the faint light. You could make out splashes of blue and purple, red and pink, separated by black lines or faded together to make something. Part of you wanted to ask, but there was something mysterious about not knowing. “I can’t even tell what they are but god, Tendou, I know they’re gorgeous.”

He shivered at your featherlight touches, the feel of your fingers skimming delicately over his skin, and your words caused fire to erupt in his stomach and chest. His tattoos were something he was extremely proud of, one of the few things he had that made him feel confident, and hearing you compliment them made him feel so fucking good. Chucking his jacket out into the room, he returned to your side and the two of you got comfortable.

Pressing play on the movie for the 3rd time, the two of you fell silent. With your head below his chin, it was the perfect position for him to see the screen over you. You could feel the warmth rolling off of him, only an inch of space between his chest and your back, and both of you were well aware of it.

It was nearly impossible to focus on the movie, trying to reign in the urge to just slide back a little bit and mold yourself to him. Nibbling at your lip, you rolled just a little under the pretense of stretching and bumped into him. Just your arm into his, and he didn’t move away.

“You good? Need more space? I can crawl under the bed if you want,” he said, smirking at you. He thought he knew what you were playing at, but your next words confirmed it. It was the oldest trick in the book and, even though no one had ever used it on him, he had seen it at work with Semi and Shirabu too many times.

“Just stretching. I’m still a bit cold though,” you said, facing the TV again.

Suppressing a snicker, knowing damn well that wasn’t what you were after, he offered, “I can get you another blanket, if you need it.”

The silhouette of your shoulders fell, and you couldn’t hide the sigh that accompanied it. “It’s alright, Tendo. It’s not that bad.”

You really should have seen that coming, you guessed. The swell of hope and the crash of disappointment was painful in your chest, and you tried to focus on the movie again, ignoring the tempting warmth at your back. If he wasn’t interested, he wasn’t interested. It was cool.

Which was why you jumped when a weight settled over your side, a snicker filtering behind you as he molded himself to your back. It was slow, hesitant, and you would guess he was trying to make sure you were alright with it. Warmth seeped through your t-shirt and you sighed happily, shimmying back into him out of instinct, and this time you could feel his quiet laughter in his chest.

His arms were so long that he had to fold it in front of you, hand coming to rest just underneath your chin, and when you relaxed so did he. With his chin resting atop your head now, he asked, “Better? This is what you wanted, right?”

“Shut up,” you whined, hiding your face in your hand. It was embarrassing enough without him having to tease you about it. But you supposed it wouldn’t be Tendo if he didn’t make fun of you for everything. It was so easy after that to focus on the movie, now that you had gotten what you wanted. The snacks lay forgotten near your feet, not wanting to move and mess up the delicate balance that was now between the two of you.

It was tenuous and any small movement from either of you could send it toppling in either direction, and you weren’t even sure what it depended on. You knew for sure which way you would like to see it go, but it was just as comfortable the way it was.

Silence fell again until the movie ended, which was the only reason you moved. You could probably have fallen asleep like that, but you weren’t ready yet, wanting to bask in whatever you had with Tendo for a while longer.

When you sat up to change the next movie, Tendo rolled over onto his back, watching you fiddle around with it. Sweat beaded on the back of his neck and he shifted uncomfortably. Seemed you felt the same because you turned to look at him, an apology written on your face.

“Sorry, do you mind if I go change into shorts. It’s actually too warm for these now,” you said, setting the DVD case back on the pile. You felt like you were suffocating in your thick winter leggings now, but if he wasn’t okay with that then you would suffer a little longer. At least until you melted.

“Oh thank god you said something. I was about to die in these sweatpants, I swear,” he answered, fanning his face with his hand. You were pretty sure he was just exaggerating that though. “I don’t mind if you don’t.”

“Nope,” you said, popping the ‘p’, and crawled towards the escape flap, wincing at the sound of crunching and crinkling under your knees all of a sudden. “Oops.”

“Oh those had better not have been mine,” he whined, flashing the light of his phone towards the bag. He groaned, seeing his bag of doritos crushed. He could hear you snicker outside the sheet as you walked away and growled, “Watch it. Yours are still in here, _____.”

You opened a drawer as he finally came out as well and began rifling through his bag, pulling out the pair of shorts he’d packed. When you turned around with a pair of soft shorts in your hands, you found him standing awkwardly in the middle of your room again and laughed. “I’ll go change in the bathroom. I gotta use it anyway. I’ll be right back.”

Your footsteps receded down the hall and he raced to get changed before you came back. His sweats landed on his backpack and he shrugged at himself. What did it matter, so long as they weren’t on your floor?

The sound of the sink reached his ears just as he was climbing back into the fort, frowning at his crushed chips even as he shoved a handful into his mouth. He was so gonna make you pay for a new bag, especially because you had laughed. The door creaked open and the flap shifted, and he almost choked on his chips as he realized just how short your shorts were. Were your legs always that long? And smooth? And pretty? Shit.

“How are your chip fragments?” you joked as you made yourself comfortable beside him again. Your hair fanned out behind you and you gathered it up off the base of your neck, twisting it around so that it spread out above you instead. How the fuck was the back of your neck sexy*? 

He was so screwed.

“Uh,” he replied. Smooth, Satori. Shaking his head, he tried to gather his thoughts and focus them literally anywhere else. It worked. Sort of. “Pointy. You owe me a new bag.”

You scoffed, smiling at the car full of vacationing teenagers on the laptop. “There’s like four other bags in here. Quit whining.”

But he wasn’t giving it up, throwing his bag into the corner and hopefully out of the way of your carelessness. Settling behind you like he had before, he once again left space between you, afraid now of how his body might react if he didn’t. “No, all of them suck.”

You definitely noticed the gap and wondered if he was just waiting for you to take the initiative, so you did. Before he could blink, you were once again molded to his chest, head tucked under his chin and knees folded around his. He tensed, fingers curling into a fist while he willed himself to chill.

His arm came down around you again, but you could feel how stiff he was. When you made to move forward again, to give him space, his arm locked, even pulling you back again and you grinned. With his arm now lit up properly by the light of the laptop, you realized you could see the tattoos more clearly, and began to trace the stars and fish on his arm.

“Aren’t these the spirit fish from Avatar?” you asked, skimming over the white and black koi. It was a watercolor piece, lacking the heavy lines like the ones on his other arm, and you felt him nod against the top of your head. “They’re gorgeous. Who’s your artist?”

“A friend of mine in Miyagi did those,” he answered, watching you continue to trail up his arms. Goosebumps were raising the fine hairs all over his body, your touches so gentle and intimate, your focus rapt. Higher up near his elbow was what appeared to be two jolly rogers, but they weren’t the normal ones. “Those are from a pirate manga I read in Jump,” he said before you could ask, and you smoothed your hand over them before sliding it back up near his hand.

His heart skipped a beat when your fingers curled into his palm, hesitating before you slipped them between his. He was sure you could feel his heart pounding away in his chest, unaware that you couldn’t because yours was racing fast enough that you were lightheaded. Folding his fingers down over your hand locked them together, but you didn’t try to pull away. If anything, you tried to cuddle up closer to him, dragging your hands so that they were pressed to your chest. It was the most intimate thing he had experienced in recent memory and if his heart didn’t slow down it was going to explode.

The movie wasn’t holding his interest and a new question cropped up in his mind, one he had wondered more than once before tonight and he couldn’t figure out why he thought of it now, but he latched onto it because otherwise he really thought he was going to combust. Besides, it would ease some of his insecurity if he got an answer.

“What took you so long to set this up, anyway? I kind of thought you had changed your mind for a while,” he said, staring at the screen. He was sort of taking it in, an anchor point so he didn’t get lost in his thoughts.

Your chest rumbled against his hand when you hummed, and your answer was so mundane and rational that he almost laughed. “Well a part of it was wanting to get to know you a bit before we did this. Didn’t want to invite a total stranger to spend the night, after all. And then it was just a matter of waiting for my roommates to freakin’ leave.”

“Oh, are your roommates actually gone*?” he asked in surprise. He had thought they were just out for the night and would be home-- probably not soon, given the time, but still. “Like, for the weekend?”

You hummed again in agreement, twirling the ends of your hair absently around your fingers. You were locked onto the movie, absorbed as Leatherface chased one of the characters he didn’t care about through the yard. He fell quiet, thinking you wanted to watch uninterrupted, but then you asked, “That’s alright, right? They would have just wanted to join in otherwise and they can’t stand horror movies either, so they would’ve just talked through it.”

Exactly like he was doing, he realized, and his face grew hot. Hopefully he hadn’t already annoyed you. He nodded, responding in a much quieter voice. “It’s fine. Was just surprised, I guess.”

For a while, neither of you said anything and Tendo managed to focus on the movie, feeling you jump and twitch every once in a while at scares you weren’t expecting. Unfortunately, those movements were brushing against areas that he really didn’t need them too and your shorts did nothing to diminish the curve of your ass against him or the slowly growing hard on he was getting. It didn’t help that every time he shifted even a little you would just follow him, as if he wasn’t pinned by your hand holding his.

But shit, if he didn’t move soon he was going to be screwed. The bathroom-- that would get him out of there before he embarrassed the fuck out of himself.

It was too late, though. You flinched and ground your ass back into him and he groaned before he could help it. You froze, he froze, he just really wanted to die.

“I-- Sorry. I’m really sorry,” he said, tugging at his hand to try and escape. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do, but the best option was probably to leave and transfer to a school in a whole different country. He could already hear your words now, an echo of so many times before, the sting of disappointment a familiar feeling around his heart.

“I’m sorry, Tendo. I just don’t see you that way.”

It was because he was a freak with a weird name and creepy eyes and-- fuck. It was high school all over again, being rejected by someone he genuinely thought liked him only to find out they were using him to get to Ushijima or pretending to as a fucking joke, only this time Ushijima wasn’t around and he had really gotten himself into it by agreeing to any of this.

But you were refusing to let his hand go, holding so tight he thought his fingers might break, saying his name until he came back down from his panicked high.

“Tendo, Tendo, calm down, please,” you were begging. You had rolled onto your back, unable to sit up because you were using both your hands to keep him from jumping up and taking the whole fort down. You could see it on his face when he finally heard you, wide vermillion eyes locking with yours while his heart continued to race.

He remained propped up on his elbow, ready to run at the first opportunity, and you almost felt bad for antagonizing him as much as you had. If you had known your teasing was going to get him this riled up, you would have tried a different tactic-- or not tried it at all. Maybe you had pushed too far too soon, and the skittish look in his pretty eyes worried you that you had ruined it.

“It’s alright, Tendo,” you said, trying to keep your voice quiet and soothing. It felt an awful lot like you were dealing with a wary animal-- like a coyote or a fox. When the insistent tension in his arm faded is when you relaxed your death grip on his fingers. 

The sound of the movie was too loud in the unnatural silence between you, and you rolled over to turn it down. When it was only a background buzz, you turned back to him. He was still staring at you without blinking, his eyes devoid of the panic from earlier but now they were eerily blank.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, deadpan. He flinched when you took his hand again, forehead scrunching in confusion. “I don’t understand. There’s no way you-- What are you doing?”

It was your turn to be confused, pursing your lips at him. He sounded so lost-- and wary again-- like a child. For the first time, you wondered what his childhood had actually been like. He talked an awful lot about Ushiwaka and Semi, and the volleyball club in general, but you heard nothing outside of that. It made you suspicious now.

“What am I doing?” you parroted, finally sitting up. Your joined hands fell into your lap and you stared down at them, petting the back of his hand with your free one. “Do you not want me to?”

His words were stuck in his throat, trapped by the lump there, and he swallowed thickly. His mouth felt like cotton, and he shook his head, croaking out, “It isn’t that. I just don’t understand why.”

“Why what?” you asked, gentle amusement in your voice. There was no teasing, no malicious undertones that he could hear, like you were waiting to spring the final part of the joke on him. And he was listening for it. After years of dealing with it, he had learned to recognize it in people’s words and on their faces. The way their lips would curl and their eyes would narrow just before cruelty would spew from their mouths, he knew the tells and you--

Had none.

There was nothing but open curiosity and nervousness-- and hope. A lot of hope swirled in your eyes and he swallowed again. He was just going to disappoint you. If not tonight then tomorrow, if not tomorrow then next week. It was going to happen--

“Why do you like me? How do you like me? I’m-- weird. And you’re--” He gestured frantically up and down at all of you. You weren’t anything he was-- a freak. With freaky eyes and a freaky name and a freaky personality.

“I-- um,” you said, and you couldn’t help but smile. There was clearly a lot of baggage with him, and his questions made that obvious. It was likely too much to unpack tonight, especially when you were still only just getting to know each other. Reassurance was what he needed, and that was something you could offer on the spot. “You’re funny...and sweet and...very good looking. Your eyes are so pretty. Um, there’s also the fact that you’re the only person who would watch these movies with me, which earns you a lot of points, in my opinion,” you said, tapping your lips as you stared up at the ceiling.

Your face was on fire as you listed things off the top of your head, your throat tight with anxiety as you wondered what he would say in response. They were all surface level things for now, but you knew underneath the armor that there was a lot more to Tendo, and you hoped you had a chance to discover it.

He groaned low in his throat, not from disgust but from a deep seated need to believe you meant those things. His forehead met your shoulder, his fingers squeezing yours. He didn’t fight it when you eased back down, following after you without a word, leaving his face hidden in your neck. He was still trying to gather his thoughts and calm his overworked heart. It would be so easy to reject you and be on his way, to return home and beat himself up for letting himself get too close and too comfortable with you when he knew nothing would come of it.

Except something had come of it and he wasn’t sure what to do now. Semi and Ushijima always told him he was too closed off and that someone was going to come around who actually liked him and his ‘weird ass’ and that he was going to lose that chance because of some stupid high school assholes. Was he though? He wanted to believe you, wanted to trust you, and slowly he relaxed, his stress leaving him in a long, tired exhale.

“You mean it?” he whispered against your neck, and you could feel his lashes tickle your skin when he blinked. His arm was heavy where his hand rested on your stomach, fingers intertwined with yours, and you squeezed his hand as tight as you could.

“I do. I like you and really want a chance to get to know you better,” you whispered back, and it suddenly felt like no one existed but the two of you, protected from everything in the world outside by a few sheets and each other's warmth. There would be things to discuss and hiccups to overcome, but you could worry about those tomorrow. In that moment, all you wanted was to prove to Tendo you wanted him.

Maybe it was your words, whispered softly into the dark, or your hand gripping his for dear life, or the way you let him cling to you like a lifeline, or maybe it was a combination, but when he pulled back from his hiding place and found you staring at him, he slotted his lips against yours without thinking. Your lips parted almost immediately, free hand sliding out from between your bodies to tangle in the close cropped hair at the nape of his neck and you used it to pull yourself closer. 

When your tongue poked out to glide across the seam of his lips, he let you in on a breath, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. His eyes were squeezed shut tight as your tongue met his, praying that what was happening wasn’t a dream, and he wasn’t expecting it when you gasped and pulled away all of a sudden.

His eyes popped open and he stared down at you with panic. “What? Did I do something wrong?”

“I-- forgot you have a tongue ring,” you said, and the laughed. “Fuck, that’s hot.”

He blinked like an owl, eyes wide as he processed your words. It wasn’t something that he had ever expected to hear in his life, let alone from the girl he was half-making out with in a freakin’ pillow fort. He suddenly wondered if his life had turned into a Shounen Jump manga.

“Well, so are you,” he said, and leaned in for another kiss.

It was kind of hot to see him confident and you felt heat pool in your stomach, starting to bleed further down as his tongue slipped into your mouth again. He tasted like the root beer he had been drinking all night, and you couldn’t resist toying with the piercing, swirling your tongue around it and listening to him moan against your mouth. 

Your shirt had ridden up your stomach as you moved around, trying to get closer to him, and neither of you realized it until Tendo’s hand smoothed over your skin. He froze mid-kiss, waiting for your reaction, and was unsurprised when your hand grabbed his.

What he didn’t expect was for you to guide it upwards, letting go when you hit your ribs to cup his cheek. Pulling back just enough that he could speak against your lips, he asked, “Are you sure?”

“Frankly, Tendo,” you said, and kissed him again before you continued, “I haven’t wanted anyone this bad in forever. Even if we wake up tomorrow and change our minds, I am fucking sure right now.”

He groaned, letting his hand hike your shirt up a little higher until his hand cupped under your breast. He wasn’t sure when you had taken your bra off, or maybe you hadn’t been wearing one the whole time, but there was nothing impeding his skin from caressing yours. Your breast was so soft in his hand, topped by a pretty pink nipple that he couldn’t resist pinching. You mewled underneath him, pulling your shirt up to uncover your other breast and he moved to that one, doing the same and feeling your nipple harden at his touch.

“Fuck, you’re so pretty,” he rasped, gazing down the length of your body. Your thighs were clenched, and his hand migrated lower, fingertips skimming over your skin.

The heat that was pooling earlier erupted when they met the waistband of your shorts, but he paused, looking unsure again.

“Tendo, I’ll show you how much I want this,” you whispered and grabbed his hand. He was still hesitant, looking at your face as you slid his hand into your panties, and his eyes widened.

“You’re so wet,” he groaned, his fingers gliding over your soaked lips, spreading your slick all over them. His fingers quickly found your clit, circling it and you squeezed his hand between your thighs, hips jerking. “All because of me? I’m flattered.”

Teasing at your soaked opening, he waited for you to balk but you only twitched, panting against his lips before he sunk one finger in, your walls parting easily. You moaned and he swallowed it in a kiss, his tongue filling your mouth again. It wasn’t long before he was fitting a second finger, crooking them up and grazing your sweet spot, his thumb taking over massaging your clit as he pumped them inside you. Your arousal was already high enough that you could feel your orgasm coming on, and you pulled away to announce it.

“T-Tendo, gonna--” You gasped when he forced them in deeper, a mischievous smirk on his face as he prodded your cervix. “How-- fuck, your fingers are so long,” you whined, toes curling.

“Think you can take one more?” he asked, already fitting the tip of a third finger in. But it was only when you nodded, tears pricking the corners of your eyes that he slipped it in. Your teeth dug into your lip before they parted in a soundless cry.

The coil snapped on the first thrust and he groaned, drinking in your face as he tipped you over the edge. No one had ever cum so prettily for him before and he wanted to see it again. 

But only if you wanted it. His cock throbbed painfully in his shorts when he pulled his fingers from your twitching hole, feeling you shudder against him. Examining his glistening fingers in the screen light, he slid one experimentally into his mouth and moaned. “You taste so good, princess.”

You gasped at the pet name, a warmth unrelated to the one between your legs blooming in your chest. He said it was such reverence that you flushed, hoping he’d say it again at some point. Never had anyone called you that before, at least in that context.

When he laid back down beside you, his erection brushed against your leg and he stifled a groan. He was wearing boxers but the friction against his cock was still a pleasurable sensation. Not as much as your hand might be--

Speaking of hands, he nearly jumped out of his skin when you cupped him, squeezing and kneading up the length of him confined in his clothes. A shaky breath ripped out of him, the result of him barely containing a moan, and his long fingers wrapped around your wrist to stop you.

“That’s alright, _____. You don’t have to--” But you weren’t listening and the pressure felt too good. His head fell back, eyes fluttering closed, content to let you literally massage his dick until you started tugging at his shorts. He stopped you more insistently then, pulling your hand away. “Wait a second. Let me get ‘em off since you’re so eager, princess.”

He pulled his shirt over his head first, because it was getting way too hot in there anyway, and then kicked his shorts and boxers off into the dark corner. His cock bobbed against his stomach as he rolled onto his side again, leaking precum already. 

Your hand was soft against his stomach, roaming over the hard planes of his abs and down further, until it wrapped lightly around his head.

And froze.

“What the-- Tendo, what are those?” you asked in a high pitched, startled tone. Before he could answer, you let go and rolled onto your back, exposing him to the light and you thought for sure you had died and gone to heaven. 

It wasn’t just his arms that were covered in ink. His shoulders, chest, and sides were all covered in it as well, swirls and splashes of color interrupted by splotches of black or white or skin. You could hardly make out what the images were in the flickering, inconsistent light, but you recognized flowers and circles, and on his pec you were pretty sure there was a scene of a lake bathed in moonlight. And as your eyes followed the path of colors down, you landed on the thing that had startled you in the first place.

“Those are--” you breathed, taking his cock into your hand again. There was a ball at the tip, covered in precum, and you knew if you traced down, you would find another just below the crown. Further down on his shaft were five horizontal barbells in a row, and you recognized it as a Jacob’s Ladder. “Fuck me.”

“Gladly,” Tendo quipped and pounced. He settled between your legs and tugged your shorts down over your hips, and you had to hold your legs up to let him pull them the rest of the way off. He was too tall to sit straight up without brushing his head against the ceiling, but he braced back on his arms when you grabbed his shaft again. He groaned when you fondled the ball below his crown, shuddering at the intense pleasure. It was one of the major reasons he’d gotten it- to enhance the sensations. But the feel of your fingers gliding over his tip, gathering the precum and nudging the ball was something else entirely. “Holy shit, that feels amazing.”

His voice sent shivers through you, deep and raspy and way too needy. But you were unsure of what would hurt him, so you kept your touches light, feeling his thighs tense under yours, his fingers squeezing your calves as he let you explore. Before long though, he was pulling your hand away, pinning it down at your side. “Can’t keep that up, princess. I need more, if you’re alright with it,” he said, letting his cock settle against your cunt. 

The piercings were warm and pronounced against your folds, and you shuddered when the ball under his head grazed your clit. The thought of them inside you, rubbing all along your walls as he fucked you was too much and you could feel yourself growing wetter, your pussy drooling for it.

“Yes, Tendo, please. I want it, I want to feel them inside me,” you begged, rocking your hips. The stimulation was mind blowing and your walls clenched, empty and needy for him to fill you up. And he would, his cock was huge-- he still had room for more piercings below the ones he had. You had no doubt you would be stretching to take him and you keened in the back of your throat.

“I want you to call me Satori, princess. And I need you to let me know if it’s uncomfortable,” he said, pressing the tip of his cock into your sopping hole. “Sometimes they make it hurt, but you’re so fucking wet I don’t think it will. You really like these, huh?”

You were really just answering his question as you said yes, but a stream of them fell out of your mouth as he pushed the rest of his cock inside you, encouraging him to continue. The stretch was so good, your walls splitting easily for him, and you could feel every ball just like you had imagined grazing against your walls. The ball at his slit rested snugly against your cervix, and you didn’t even realize you were screaming as you came, hips jerking in his hands as he let you ride it out.

He was staring at you with what could only be awe, his mouth slack and eyes wide with surprise. “Holy fuck, princess, did you just cum?”

Your breaths were coming in pants as your mind spun, trying to come down from the unexpected high. It came on so suddenly you had no time to prepare, and tears slid down your cheeks. “F-Feels so good,” you whispered, fingers digging into the blanket beneath you. “Satori, oh my god.”

“Are you alright? We can stop--” he said, but you shook your head frantically, locking your ankles around his back, and he laughed under his breath. You sure were something else. He knew for a fact no one had ever come just from him sliding into them and a swell of pride filled his chest. “No? Alright, whatever you want, princess. Can I move?”

This time you nodded and he was slow as he pulled back, making sure you were okay. You were so tight around him from your orgasm, your walls fluttering with overstimulation, but your back arched when he stuffed himself back in, a breathy moan slipping out of you. Hiking your legs higher up on his hips, he bent over you, gathering your hands and pinning them above your head, lacing his fingers with yours. His lips met yours as he thrust into you slowly, grinding deep and stifling a moan. Once again you were playing with his tongue ring, flicking it as you suckled on his tongue. The fort-- and probably the room-- was filled with the wet slap of his hips on yours every time he drove his cock into you, drowning out the low buzz of the forgotten movie still playing. He was being careful, waiting for you to stop being so sensitive, and he knew you were ready when you arched into his chest and pulled away.

“So good, Satori,” you murmured against his lips, hips rising to meet his. Your eyes were glazed and fucked out, tears still flowing and you could already feel the start of another orgasm, but he was moving too slow. The drag and pull of his piercings had almost all of your attention, the ball at his tip constantly tapping your cervix, making your toes curl with every thrust. “You’re so big, and those-- fuck-- piercings feel so good inside me. I can feel them all everywhere.”

He snickered darkly at that and kissed your cheek. “You wanna feel even better, kitten?” he whispered into your ear, nipping the shell. He could feel you nod against his cheek, nails digging into his hands where he kept them pinned above your head, and then he was letting them go and pulling out of you. You whined, staring up at him in dismay, but he already had your thighs in his hands, prodding you to roll over. “Trust me, pretty girl. On your stomach, just like that.”

It was a bit difficult to get comfortable, but he grabbed a pillow and jammed it beneath your hips before settling with his legs outside of yours. And when you shook your ass, begging him to hurry up, he couldn’t deny you, not when he wanted to be back inside your tight heat so badly.

“Holyshitholyshitholyshit,” you whined, high-pitched and breathless as he finally filled you again. His thighs trembled as he forced himself not to just stuff himself into you, you were so tight. And the way you were crying and shuddering beneath him wasn’t helping, especially when you gasped his given name like a prayer. “*Satori, oh my god.”

If you thought those piercings felt good before, you were in heaven now. Everyone of them dragged slowly over the front wall of your cunt, grinding into your sweet spot and you had to bite the pillow to keep from outright screaming. And he was so, so, so big inside you, but with your legs trapped between his there was nothing you could do but take him. Against your will, your legs kicked, hitting him in the back as you wailed into the pillow, tears streaming down your cheeks in an endless flood. 

He snarled into your ear as he planted his elbows beside your head, plastering himself to your back. “You are so fucking tight, princess. How do those piercings feel now?”

“So good so good so good,” you babbled, circling your hips back on his dick to get any friction you could. The orgasm that had been building came back ten fold just from him hilting inside of you and you knew that if he fucked you like this you would be cumming in seconds. “‘Tori, please move, please please please.”

Your needy begging made his cock twitch and you whimpered as he slowly pulled out of you and pushed back in, intentionally slow to let you feel everything. The pleasure was ebbing and flowing, building and falling because he wasn’t moving fast enough, but you couldn’t bring yourself to ask him to go faster, not when you could feel him so clearly. Every time he bottomed out, he made sure to grind down into you, nudging your cervix with the tip of his cock so he could feel you clench suddenly around him. It never failed to make him moan, your slick walls gripping him so tightly as he dragged himself back out. He wanted to make your pussy his new home and barring that he was going to fuck the shape of his cock into you.

“Tell me what you need to make you cum, princess,” he whispered into your ear. He knew what he needed, but he was still learning what would make you feel good. 

Releasing the pillow from your teeth, the first thing you did was moan out his name again as he buried himself inside you again. You were so close to cumming, your clit throbbing with need and if he even brushed it you were going to be gushing all over him. You gasped as he thrust a little harder than before.

“If you don’t answer me I’ll just keep going like this, kitten. I can go for hours, if you want,” he whispered, warm against your ear. That made you twitch underneath him, and he chuckled. “You like the sound of that? We’ll try it another time. Right now, I need you to tell me where you want me to cum and how I can make you cum, okay?”

His words were dark and sweet and coaxing, and you were sure you had never whined so much in your whole life. “Touch me, please, Satori. I wanna cum all over your cock and pretty piercings while you cum in me, oh fuck.”

Bracing himself on his elbow, he forced his hand beneath your stomach, aided by you lifting your hips, and you whimpered when he finally, finally brushed your clit. It was all it took and you had to bite the pillow again as you creamed all over his cock, whiting out and screaming into it as you shuddered and jerked. He eased you through it, leaving his cock buried inside you while he fondled your clit, listening to you whimper and moan. It was a good thing you had hidden your face because you would surely have woken the whole complex up otherwise. 

He groaned into your ear as you massaged his cock, so tight that you launched him into his own orgasm, cumming inside you as you had asked. He remained still inside of you even after you had relaxed, leaving small kisses all over your hair before he leaned down to rest his head on the pillow. He had fucked you so slowly that he hadn’t broken a sweat, and yet he was still out of breath and panting. His head swam for several more minutes, until you shifted beneath him. But you didn’t move like you wanted him to get off.

Instead, you turned to look at him, a lazy, blissed out grin on your face and said, “Holy shit, that was so amazing. I’ve never cum so many times.”

“So were you. I’ve never made someone cum so many times,” he admitted, and replayed the way you came just because he had filled you. That was something he was unlikely to ever forget. He brushed some hair out of your face before leaning in to kiss you. It was slow and gentle, belying how tired the two of you now were, and he could see you were ready to fall asleep. “Gonna pull out of you now, princess. Need you to stay nice and relaxed, okay?”

You nodded, your eyes closing and winced as he slid from your ruined hole. A stream of cum followed after and he took a moment to appreciate it, allowing a smirk to steal across his face. There was no doubt you were his now, at least for a little while, and he committed it all to memory before gently gripping your shoulders. “We should really get cleaned up, then we can go to sleep.”

You grumbled cutely but let him help you up, the both of you stumbling blindly to the bathroom. Sleepiness was a thick fog, and you got cleaned up as quickly as possible before returning to the room. The two of you stood in the doorway, looking at the mess of nonsense covering the bed, and then you looked at Tendou.

“Let’s just sleep in there,” you suggested, taking him by the hand. He let you lead him over, watching the way your ass swayed as you crawled into the fort for hopefully the final time that night. In the few minutes it had taken him to get in after you, you had already pulled a blanket over your legs and were setting up the next movie to play. Not that you would be watching it, but he understood it was the principle of the thing. This was a movie marathon and it just wouldn’t do to fall asleep without being in the middle of one.

Once he’d gotten comfortable behind you, you rolled over and splayed out across his chest, startling him. He had expected to curl himself around your back while you went to sleep, but now you were tracing what lines you could see on his chest in the thin light. His hand rested on your waist, the other tucked behind his head, and he closed his eyes, comfortable with your warmth and weight in his arms.

“Satori,” you murmured, your hand falling flat right over the picture of the lake. “I really do like you.”

He laughed at that, and you could feel it rumble in your ear, deep in his chest. He was clearly as tired as you were, but you needed to say it. There was something in your half asleep brain that would not stop telling you to say it, and you were in no position to fight it.

“I figured as much, princess. Three orgasms are hard to fake, especially around a dick as big as mine,” he answered, and you blanched for a moment before erupting into laughter. He watched you through narrow eyes, fondness bubbling in his chest, until you settled back down against him. “You’re absolutely gorgeous, you know that?”

“So’re you,” you murmured. The nagging had stopped now that you had said what you needed too, and you were falling asleep quickly. “Don’t be gone when I wake up tomorrow, okay?”

“It already is tomorrow, and I’ll be here. There’s nowhere else I wanna be anyway,” he answered, letting his eyes close as well. With your comfortable weight on his chest and your even breathing mixing with the buzzing of the movie in the background in his ears, he drifted to sleep in no time, for once not worrying about what tomorrow would bring.

⇥ masterlist 

⇥ taglist: @visaintes​, @kunimwuah​

[angelic-serenade]

Alastor + disaster cook! S/O

headcanons

✧༝┉┉┉┉┉˚*❋ ❋ ❋*˚┉┉┉┉┉༝✧

gif, original work and characters do not belong to me

you could not cook to save your life

any attempt at cooking would result in certain failure in the best case scenario and 5.4 magnitude earthquake damage in the worst

sure, you could make edible pasta and if you really put your best efforts into it, acceptable omelette too

but anything past that level of complexity was simply out of your league, a lost cause to put it mildly

don't you even think about making a cake, that shit's dangerous

as they say: as above so below

when you landed in Hell and found yourself joining the Happy Hotel soon after, you came to find out your culinary skills had not magically improved

which is quite ironic since Charlie had made you head chef of the hotel

the string of curses which had left your lips upon hearing the news had been legendary, even for Hell

you adored the demon princess with your whole heart (or whatever was left of it anyway), bUT REALLY CHARLIE? YOU DO NOT GIVE A GUN TO A CHILD AND EXPECT CASUALTIES NOT TO HAPPEN

at this point you were certain she was subconsciously auto-sabotaging

either way, you didn't have the heart to tell her no, so you decided to put your heart and soul into trying to learn how to properly cook, which didn't turn out to be the ideal choice of words since you were in Hell and your soul was probably rotten to the core

at least, nobody could say you hadn't tried your damn best

and hey! some days your cooking hadn't even been completely sickening

you decided to stick to easy, “safe” dishes though, you know, just to be sure

so pasta and eggs were definitely a thing

a constant and repetitive thing to be precise

you were trying your best, okay? nobody in your place with your limited set of skills would have taken the job, but you did and you deserved recognition for that feat alone

or a fucking donkey hat for your skyrocketing dumbness levels

things were not so bad at first

both Charlie and Vaggie were very supportive, each one of them in their own way - even though you had totally seen Charlie trying to swallow pure unadulterated fear that one time you had announced you wanted to try to cook something more elaborate

Angel Dust on the other hand... hadn't been as considerate as to lie to your face about what he thought of your cooking

"fuck me doll, this shit's disgusting"

*insert the I don't have friends they disappoint me vine here*

Vaggie had proceeded to give Angel quite the earful while Charlie tried her best to cheer you up

you went full hermit mode on them for two days after that

you were proud of yourself, handling criticism so well

anyway, the cycle kept repeating, with the only difference that most days Angel would grab something to eat outside of the hotel and join you during meals only to blankly stare at the plates and silvery

Charlie had tried to shield you from the truth, but you weren't that stupid

you respected Angel's choice, really, you did, and you had decided to be the bigger person among the two

that's why you began to put a lil bit of laxative into his portions whenever he decided to grace your efforts and actually eat your "disgusting cooking"

y’know just to spicy things up a little

at least now he had a valid reason to complain

with the whole fiasco on live TV and the sudden and suspicious appearence of the one and only Radio Demon at your doorstep, however, things started going haywire

Alastor's presence was eeirly demanding and unsettlingly charmimg at the same time

so it was only natural for you to gravitate the fuck away from him whenever you could

you always acted politely, greeting him whenever you bumped into him through the corridors of the hotel, but you only went as far as to appear courteous because you didn't want for him to go Hannibal Lecter on you. thanks, no thanks

“and what can you do my feminine fellow?”

“I can suck your dick!”

you had snorted a bit at that which immediately shifted the strawberry pimp's attention to yourself

“and what about you, pretty dame? I take it you're in charge of the kitchens around here?”

dressed in your chef attire, you were going to meekly answer him, but before you could, roaring laughter erupted in the room. it belonged to the one and only slutty spider you found oh so irritating

in the fraction of seconds, Alastor snapped his neck at an unnatural angle to stare at the spider with a strained smile on his face

needless to say, the cursed image would forever haunt your traumatized psyche

“hasn't your mother taught you it is rude to interrupt a conversation which you have no part in? that just won't do!”

static filled the air and you feared you were going to implode if the heavy pressure didn't lift off soon enough, so you decided to take action

“ugh... yes, I'm the head chef! but, well, I... could actually use some practice and proper training?”

you hated how uncertain you sounded, but Angel's comments and your own dissatisfaction with your culinary products made you quite self-conscious about your skills

“don't fret your pretty little head about it, my dear! I, for one, am a culinary connaisseur and wonderful chef, if I do say so myself. I'll be ecstatic to guide you through your training!”

how you'd be able to handle his booming voice during hours and hours of practice was your first and main concern, but you had never been one to refuse the chance to finally prove the people who had criticized you wrong *cough cough* Angel Dust

since that day, Alastor began to personally give you cooking lessons

he was exuberant and pretty sly when it came to veiled jabs about your dreadful cooking, but he really took his time to help you out

which you had been both grateful and suspicious about

“now, we can't have our future patrons starving to death, can we?”

he was strangely patient and an overall good teacher too (emphasis on overall)

he guided you step by step through each dish, simultaneously showing off his own flawless culinary skills

you hated that you daily found yourself boosting his already GIGANTIC ego, but you couldn't help it. you could only dream about reaching that level of artistry in cooking

he always came up with creative recipes to test your limits and cooked for you in order to make you more familiar with different tastes. his mother’s were your favorites, jambalaya being his one true specialty 

he had blindfolded you once and proceeded to present you with various samples of spices, oilments and all kinds of food so that you could acquaint yourself with the smells and flavors of the ingredients and figure out yourself which ones would best suit a certain dish

saying you were hesitant at first was an understatement, because you know? being completely at the mercy of a sadistic serial killer who had terrorized the seven circles of hell? not even being able to see him? not on your bucket list

he had tried to ease your nervousness with the whole “if I wanted to hurt anyone here, I would have done so already” thing, but it was getting kind of old pretty fast

“if I had been one to play with fire, I'd have joined a circus”

he found your sense of humor as endearing your sheer presence

(when he rolled up his sleeves to cook, you felt like you could catch fire any minute, you were a slut for strong skinny arms) 

yes, Alastor had always loved to show off his own impeccable skills but he unexpectedly found himself enjoying the moments spent in your company too

he relished in seeing you fail again and again, but he also admired the way you always managed to bring yourself back up to your feet each time

he had yet to fully understand if it was foolishness or stubbornness to guide your steps

either way, you turned out to be his favorite form of entertainment in the hotel!

no matter how many slights would he send your way, you'd always manage to find an appropriate remark that made his permanent smile stretch a little more in sheer amusement

“oh dear, this beef is so undercooked one could still hear the poor beast’s lament”

“the only noise I hear is the obnoxious ramblings of an arrogant boomer”

he wasn't technically a boomer but it was always so satisfying to irk him with terms he had no knowledge of

during your cooking lessons, when the only thing left to do with a dish was wait and pray for the best, you'd come to talk about everything and anything

he'd talk to you about his precious New Orleans as he remembered it and you'd fill him in on recent historical/social developments of your time

he always looked so taken when you shared with him that modern knowledge and it made you feel useful for a change

it was, dare you say it, almost adorable how he'd ask you countless questions about your home town, the catastrophes of the last century and had there been any other war since his death?

the topic switches almost made you dizzy though

once or twice, when the timing allowed, he'd even indulge in a musical show to pass time

on the days your mood soured because of a particularly complicated recipe or bad result, he'd drag you along and dance until you were so distracted by the absurdness of the circumstances that you forgot about your previous sadness

with time, his musical shows became more frequent as he realized you'd always offer him a genuine smile after his flashy performances

it was out of personal indulgence, not because he liked the way his music always seemed to cheer you up

he'd not been vocal about the way he tried to comfort you, but you were grateful nonetheless

the first time you managed to succesfully complete one of his complicated recipes, you had almost cried

“now, now deary, under my watchful eye, it was only a matter of time until you'd finally blossom into a fine cook!”

“Alastor can I... can I hug you?”

and how could he say no to such an adorable expression? he found himself stunned into silence, not being able to tell you yes either, therefore you slowly came closer as if trying not to scare a wild animal away

when Alastor passively stood before you, not moving away, you wrapped your arms around him

he really was such a dorky noodle

he didn't relax into the hug, but he kept still as you relished in the moment and let the pressure you had hoarded for months now loose

Alastor proceeded to show off your dish during dinner and even Angel Dust could do nothing but shut up and dig in

The all powerful Radio Demon was simply so proud of your progress - not that he doubted you'd prevail in the end, thanks to his expertise and guidance

from that moment onward things only got better and even if you didn't necessarily need Alastor's help anymore, neither of you ever mentioned going your separate ways

you were both secretly glad for the silent agreement

friendly banter and dad jokes were a daily occurrence and with your new-found confidence in the field, you'd always bite back showing off new delicious dishes instead than words

you still had trouble every now and then, but Alastor was always there to help you out

not that you'd ever hear the end of it if you actually asked him for help

“what was that, my darling? is the mightiest chef in Hell having trouble in Paradise?”

you had noticed however that he'd started sneaking glances your way more than usual lately and he also started following you around wherever you went in the hotel. he became your shadow both inside and outside of the kitchen

the attention soon became unnerving, even more so when you'd go in the kitchen only find a different flower on the counter each morning

you came to realize that Alastor's advances were rather old fashioned, but you would amuse the dork and yourself for a while before taking charge

gifts became an ordinary occurrence as well as praise and you preferred not to think about what praise could do to you when it came from Alastor

he enjoyed your reactions to his flattering words a little too much, he had to admit

you had had enough of his childish antics one day and you decided to finally put your plan into action

“Al, can you come here for one sec?”

he wasn't particularly fond of the nickname, but you just loved to get under his skin as much as he did when it came to you

“what can I do for you, my darling chef?”

“here, I have a gift for you”

he looked uncharacteristically unsure of what to do but slightly amused as well. in the end curiosity took the best of him and he finally decided to open the box you had handed to him rather unceremoniously

“what is this dear?”

the apron you had chosen was a perfect fit for your long boi

“read it, please”

“kiss the cook? well, if you ask me so nicely, I just might have to”

he then proceeded to peck your cheek and you swore you could have fainted right there and then by the sheer sweetness of the gesture

it hadn't exactly been what you had planned, but you weren't going to complain

your relationship was bound to be full of surprises apparently

[peter-pan-hoe]

I passed out at work today and as my co-workers were doting on me all I could think of was this scenario. I got home, started writing and just ran with it. Enjoy.

Pairing: Loki x reader

Word count: idfk at least 2,100

Warnings: swearing, fainting, worried Loki, Fluff, interrupting of pg13 grope session. Implied smut.

I am still recovering so you’re not allowed to be mean to me if this is shit.

Eat breakfast or suffer the fucking consequences.

As soon as you entered the kitchen that morning you completely forgot you were there for breakfast when you saw him sitting at the small window side table, reading a book on modern witchcraft and wicca.

You hurriedly helped yourself to the coffee that was waiting in the pot and sat down opposite him, curiosity brimming behind your excited smile.

“why are you so interested in my stories?” he looked at you with genuine interest, intrigued by you enthusiasm, having answered your many questions in the past and knew exactly what you were here for.

“I grew up reading books and watching shows that were fantasy and thought that I’d never have a fantastical life like that until I met your brother,” You answered honestly. “Then when I met you it kind of slammed me in the face that I had a fantastical life already. I am friends with literal gods and legends. Living legends that can tell me if the stories I’ve heard are true or not,”

He smirked with amusement. “You are quite the inquisitive little creature aren’t you?”

His words stunned you. Little creature.

“I do so enjoy the way your mind works,” He continued.

He rested his elbows on the table, just missing the book he’d placed down when you came to sit with him.

It was know you realised how stunning he looked in that black shirt. Simple button down with the sleeves rolled up around his elbows. The collar open, top two buttons left unfixed, revealing his neck and clavicle.

Your mouth watered slightly as you stared.

Clearing your throat you broke the short silence you hoped he hadn’t noticed.

“We have more,” You said, mentally kicking yourself for changing the topic.

“More?” He asked, raising an eyebrow in slight confusion.

“Books,” You nodded to the book on the table. “We have others like it in storage,”

His face lit up. It barely changed in truth but you could see the glint of something behind his eyes that told you was he excited. He would never show it more than that, however, and you knew that. But you also knew him.

“When we learned of Stephen Strange’s abilities we gathered as many books as we could that might help us learn about actual magic,” You explained, standing from your seat and gesturing for Loki to follow you.

He briefly glanced down at the book he was only partway through before rising and moving around the table to walk beside you as you continued talking.

“We found tomes on genuine druidic magic which I found particularly interesting,” you we rambling by the time you reached the elevator and both stepped inside and you were aware of the fact, but loved that Loki seemed properly engaged in what you were saying.

By the time you reached your destination floor you’d already moved from druidic magic to Celtic and then Scandinavian.

“I have a small personal collection in one of these tubs,” as the elevator doors opened you pointed to the large grey containers lining the industrial shelving spreading in aisles through the large room.

He gave a quick chuckle. “Do you know which one?”

You turned to him and saw he was wide eyed, looking around the huge room almost as if he was overwhelmed.

“Not exactly,” You admitted. “But I know which section it’s in,”

You began walking down the centre aisle, scanning the labels on the side that indicated what each section contained.

When you found what you were searching for you exclaimed a loud “A-HA!”

“”dusty old wizard books” God Stark is fucking annoying,” you rolled your eyes at the label before heading down the aisle.

“is this where your books are?” loki asked from behind you, you could hear the smile in his voice. Clearly he was amused by you comment about Stark.

“In one of the tubs either on this side or the other,” You pointed over the top of the shelving unit to indicate where you meant.

“And what exactly should I look for?” He asked, heading around that side.

“So all the tubs are placed in their general area based on their contents but you actually need to pull them off the shelf to see the contents label on the lid if you want to know what each individual box has in it,” You explained as you started on the row at your chest height. “The one we want should say my name at the top of the list, then a short sub-list of books that are mine,”

“Alright,” you heard him say quietly, as well as the sound of him pulling a tub from the shelf.

You both continued checking the tops of the tubs in a comfortable silence for about 5 minutes when you realised you were becoming more tired than you should be.

Brushing off the odd feeling – blaming it on the lack of food today – you crouched down to search through the bottom shelf.

The tubs in front of you were not what you were after so you stood, took a step to the side and began to crouch down again when your vision became unfocussed.

You could feel a sensation in the back of your head that reminded you of being underwater with your eyes closed

Thankfully, you had enough sense and control to turn your body as you felt as if your legs were pulled right out from underneath you.

Your arm automatically reached out and grabbed what you could in an attempt to catch yourself before you hit the ground.

The sound of tubs toppling to the ground startled Loki slightly.

“Did you find the right container?” He said with a laugh.

“Loki…” Your voice came, quiet and shaky but full of urgency. “Could you come here please?”

He shoved the tub he’d been checking back onto the shelf with far less grace than he typically demonstrated and hurried around to your side of the shelf to see you kneeling on the ground, hands pulled into fists on the ground as you struggled to hold yourself up.

“Y/N!” he ran to your side just as your trembling arms gave out and you collapsed into his arms.

“I’m okay,” You whispered, though you had tried to say it firmly. His voice saying your name echoed in your head.

“You certainly are not,” you almost felt like you were floating as he pulled you against his chest and carried you from the storeroom.

The white lights flickering above you and the firm grip you had on Loki’s shirt where the last thing you remembered before you closed your eyes.

It only felt like seconds before he was placing you gently down on a soft surface.

“What happened to her?” you heard the very familiar voice of Bruce Banner and realised you were in the make shift infirmary in the medical wing of his lab.

Your eyes fluttered open and you immediately regretted it as the fluorescent lights harshly invaded them.

Wincing in pain from the blinding lights you gripped tighter to Loki’s shirt absentmindedly, seeking any kind of reassurance in your confused state.

He had released you from his hold but kept a hand on your back to hold you steady, you were close enough to him that you could still smell him as if you were still cradled in his arms.

he isn’t wearing cologne... You thought. This is just how he smells… wow…

“I think she fainted,” Loki’s voice sent vibrations from his chest into your arms and through the rest of your body, snapping you out of your dazed thoughts.

“You think?” Tony’s voice joined the fray now. “You didn’t see it happen?”

“We were looking for books in the storeroom and I heard things crash and found her on the ground,” Loki’s voice was calm as he explained but you felt the muscles in his chest tense at the accusatory tone in Tony’s voice.

“I’m okay,” You managed to say without wavering this time.

Opening your eyes you saw Tony standing at the foot of the bed, anxiously gripping the foot of the bedframe.

“Hush, pet,” you almost shivered at the nickname as Loki brought his hand to meet yours where it still clung to his shirt. “When someone falls to the floor and asks me for help they clearly aren’t fine,”

You followed Tony’s suspicious gaze to Loki’s hand covering yours and your grip softened, unaware of how tight you’d been holding onto him until you felt the cramps in your knuckles upon releasing his shirt.

His hand still held your hand tight to his chest however, the coolness of his fingers wrapped around yours soothing the ache.

“Have you eaten today?” Bruce stepped forward as he unravelled the strap for the blood pressure monitor he’d retrieved from the cabinet across the room.

You looked down almost guiltily. “No,” you admitted.

“You could probably put it up to low blood sugar,” Bruce muttered, more to himself really. “May I?”

He gestured to your arm which still snaked up to Loki’s chest, held in place by his hand.

“Oh,” you quickly pulled away from Loki – reluctantly – and shuffled back on the bed so you could lean against the pillows.

Loki’s arm moved from your back to you shoulder as you did so.

You held your arm out so Bruce could wrap the band around it.

“Why did not you eat today?” Tony asked. “You’re normally the first to raid the kitchen,”

“I got distracted,” You said, sneaking a glance at Loki who met your gaze instantly before you looked back down at Tony.

“Yes well don’t let yourself be distracted by men who wear shiny horned helmets,” Tony scoffed as he walked out of the room, seemingly coming to his own conclusion that you were fine. “It’s clearly not good for your health. Eat your vegetables,”

“Your blood pressure is a little high but give it about 15 minutes and it should go back down easy enough,” Bruce said as he removed the cuff from your arm. “I suggest you go have something to eat. And drink some cold water, you look a little flushed,”

A sudden cool hand on your face shocked you into looking back up at the man beside you, his eyes burning into yours, eyes which you were still unsure if they were blue or green.

“You are quite hot,” He said to you.

“Speak for yourself,” you said almost as if it was instinct.

Realising what you said your eyes widened as you stammered. “I- uhh- I mean- You-“

You were cut off by his gentle laugh.

He didn’t laugh very often but he always silenced you when he did.

“Come, dear,” he said, scooping you up into his arms once again. “Let’s get you some food,”

“I can walk fine Loki,” You argued, even though you felt as though you would die if he released you.

He merely gave you a quick frown as he carried you out the door and you quickly called over his shoulder, “Bye Bruce,”

You heard a quiet response that sounded more like a snigger than actual words.

Loki sat you on the kitchen counter and began searching through the cupboards.

“What are you looking for?” You asked with a giggle.

“Food for you,” he said without looking back at you.

“Why?”

“Because Banner said you need to eat,”

“Yes but why are you searching for food for me?”

He turned to look at you now. “what do you mean?”

“I mean,” you leaned forward and gripped the edge of the counter beneath you. “Why do you care so much?”

He almost look offended by the question.

“I would have thought human wellbeing was something not included in the list of things you consider important,” Proud of yourself for getting that sentence out in your current cloudy headed state you smiled a little.

He copied you smile, moving closer to stand between your knees, he rested his hands on yours.

“You are on the list of things I consider important,” his breath fanned across your face as he spoke.

You were already blushing from the close proximity when he brought his hands up to cup your face as a way to be sure you were listening to him.

You sighed as the coolness of his hands soothed your flushed skin.

“you are important to me,” he reiterated.

“really?” you asked, afraid you were hallucinating.

“yes really,” he laughed. “Alarmingly so in fact. I had never expected to be this attached to any one,”

Laughing softly you brought your hands up to grip his wrist, making sure his hands never left you.

Suddenly he pulled away from you, he stepped back, grabbing the box of cookies he’d found and placing then in your lap.

“Now eat,” he instructed.

“Oh no no,” you pushed the cookies to the floor and took a hold of his shirt, pulling him back to stand between your legs once again. “You don’t get to say that and then move on to something as trivial as my blood sugar. You may be the Trickster but that’s just heartless-mmph!”

He crashed his mouth against yours, silencing you abruptly.

At first your eyes grew wide in shock before they closed as your hands left his shirt to slide up into his hair.

His hands grazed your up your thighs to your hips and he pulled you forward so your chest was pressed firmly against his.

Sliding your calves around his waist you locked your ankles together, holding him firmly in place.

“Ah fuck,” A new voice startled the two of you into jumping apart like naughty teenagers, turning to see Clint in the doorway. “Guys we prepare food there, can you not?”

Tony and Steve walked up behind him and started at the two of you in utter astonishment.

“But we’re here for food,” You whined with a pout.

“Then EAT,” Tony yelled, gesturing wildly to the box of cookies on the floor.

“Okay,” Loki nodded before leaning down to pick up the cookies.

With one hand he held the cookies, with the other he effortlessly lifted you over his shoulder and carried you out of the room.

You giggled as he marched down the hall toward the elevator.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” Tony’s voice called out. “At least make sure she eats those before you do anything that has her pass out again,”

[aperrywilliams]

The Request - Part II (Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader)

(Not my gif!)

Masterlist - Requests

Part I / Part II / Part III

———————

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader.

Summary: Reader is the Spencer’s best friend and although she has some doubts she'll ask him to do something big for her.

Word Count: 4312.

Warnings: Hospital and pregnancy topics. Some curses. References to masturbating. Slight smut. Fluff and angst mixed. I don’t know how to do a ‘pure’ type!

A/N: Thank you for your comments and feelings about – now- Part I. But, I have big troubles to do things short so is why this fic will have 3 parts. Like always, impressions, comments and any reaction are welcomed. Thanks for reading! Don't worry, this will have a happy ending. If you want to be in the taglist for this one, let me know!

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I don't deserve a friend like Spencer. I have always been able to count on him, even in the darkest moments of recent years. I would say he is the only person, besides my mother, who knows me so well. Our friendship started almost immediately after I joined BAU over 4 years ago.

It's true when they say the BAU becomes your family. I feel that way too, but with Spencer it was something more special. The first time we talked, I remember being impressed by the amount of knowledge that was in that brain and it was coming out of his mouth. I understood pretty quickly why they called him the ‘resident genius’, and when the rest of the team seems fed up with Spencer's ramblings already, I enjoy them to this day.

In addition to his big brain, something that sets Spencer Reid apart is his kind heart, his genuine concern for people. I'm not saying the rest of the team don't have it, but everything seems so transparent and genuine on Spencer. Over time I learned his good heart persisted despite all the suffering he had to face from an early age. His resilience still amazes me.

I can say I’m one of the lucky people who earned his unconditional love and friendship. His concern and loyalty are bulletproofed. Sometimes I feel bad for not being able to retribute even a small part of what he has given me in all these years. And more now, asking him for something so personal and untimely. I’m not proud of that. I didn’t want Spencer to feel compelled to give me a positive response to my request. But I couldn't have thought of anyone other than him.

Why him? I have asked myself that question several times. I suppose because our friendship goes far beyond what I could have with another person. And yes, I must confess this also confuses me sometimes. I started thinking about that again after what happened with Darren.

I'm not going to lie, when I started working in the BAU I was attracted to Spencer. To some extent I assumed I was mistaking admiration for attraction. I accepted it that way. I was starting a relationship and didn't want to mess up things at work, so I just assumed my feelings toward Spencer were admiration, care and concern. I became convinced of that through the years.

But now my world has completely collapsed. The emotional stability I was used to just disappeared. What I believed was safe in my life no longer exists. Dreams, goals... all in doubt and suspense. What do I want for my life now? I still have my job, I have my friends. Is that enough? Is it normal there were days when I just want to just breathe and not have to make any decisions? Not to have to worry about what I would do the next day? The feeling of floating in an emptiness consumed me much of the time after my breakup with Darren. I had to rethink what things I wanted for my life. Refloat my own wishes stored in a drawer.

I think my big conclusion from all of this was I have to do the things I want to do. Don't give up, even if I fail. Losing the fear of failure. My efforts are on that now. I’m not taking this lightly. Of course I thought about all that it means to bring a new life to the world. Or at least in the possibility of doing it. That is one of my biggest wishes kept in the drawer. And while it may not work, I don't want to get the feeling that I didn't try, that I didn't put any effort into it. I know, they are not the ideal conditions, but after all ... is there an ideal condition for this?

My own internal ramblings were interrupted when I saw Spencer walking towards me. We take the morning off to come to the clinic to do new tests and take samples. Of course, we only told the team that Spencer would come with me to the doctor since I hadn't been feeling well. Nor was it a complete lie.

“Hey…”. He sat down in a chair next to me.

“Hi…”. I replied with a smile and looking at him.

“Have you been waiting for me for too long?”. Spencer glanced his watch to calculate the time he have been away.

"Not. I left the lab no more than 20 minutes ago.”

"And are you okay? Was it painful?". Despite the fact that I had previously explained to him what the procedure would be, he was still worried.

"Yes, I'm fine. It was not painful. Uncomfortable yes. How did it go for you?”. I also knew what the procedure would be for him, but I thought it was kind of me to ask.

“Well… it’s not so easy jerking off and cuming in a small cup. You need to do some magic to accomplish that”. A blush in his cheeks told me he was some embarrassed.

“I thought men could easy to get that kind of task done.” I joked. Spencer looked me with a shy smile.

“Not really. It’s not a natural environment if you know what I mean.”

"Uhm, I thought this kind of places had all the supplies needed to do that."

“Not all... I think.”. Spencer sighed heavily.

“A comfortable chair?”

“Yes”

“A TV with porn on it?”

“Yes”

"Naked woman’s printed magazines?”

“Yes”

“What they forgot?”. I couldn’t help to laugh.

“You could think every men are the same. But things that turn us on are not the same, you know?”

“Ok. I get it. I’m sorry if I’m pushing too much”.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry. What happen now?”

“We need to wait. Results will be ready in a couple of days… and, we’ll need to do this again if doctor agree with the treatment. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Whatever it’s needed. You know that, right?”. He looked at me with an open smile.

This man is gold. I could only reply with an intense kiss on his cheek and barely modulating a ‘thank you’ with my lips.

The days progressed and we had little time to worry about the results of the tests. Three cases on completely opposite sides of the country kept us pretty busy. When I returned from the third case to my place, I received a call from the fertility clinic saying the doctor had analyzed our results and that if we started treatment promptly, we would have a chance of having a successful result. I immediately called Spencer to tell him. I was so happy.

Without hesitation, Spencer took a treatment to strengthen his production of ‘little geniuses’. For my part, I had to face a series of injections with hormones and supplements. I had to make changes to my diet and try to be 'healthier' in my daily life. I did it without protest. However, the hormonal pump had me at the limit of the bearable. Those days before the 'implantation' were a torture, and not only for me, but for everyone around me. The team and Spencer himself included.

One day I was in the conference room crying without stopping. Every person who came to ask me what was happening received a yell from me and a 'leave me alone' in response. It was evident that it didn’t go unnoticed. What's more, I'm sure they went to ask Spencer what the hell was wrong with me. I couldn't control myself. From one moment to the next, Spencer entered the room and saw I was sitting in one of the chairs with my head between my knees and covering my head with both hands so that no one would see me.

"(Y/N)..." he said sitting in front on me and taking one of my arms so I stopped covering my head.

"I know what you are going to say. But I can't help it. I'm sure they already asked you what was happening to me.”

"Yes... they are worried."

"What did you tell them?"

"That you were going through difficult days, that your doctor had adjusted your medication doses and that had you out of balance." 

“Thank you…” I muttered. “Fuck Spencer! This stupid hormones!... I’m crying and can’t stop...”. I felt my body tremble because I couldn't stop crying.

“I’m sure it’s pretty normal...”. Spencer tried to hug me to try to calm me down.

“Normal or not I don’t like it...”. I replied letting out hard sobs.

“Eventually you’ll feel better soon...”. I know he was trying to reassure me, but in my anger blindness I didn’t get it.

“I don’t want feel better soon... I WANT IT NOW!”. I yelled him. It was a shout too loud for he jumped up and stopped hugging me.

“Maybe if you go home and try to sleep...”. Spencer wasn't giving up trying to calm me down.

“Damn it Spencer! I just need to blow up!. Leave me alone!”

“Okay”.

That was his last attempt. He got up from the chair and walked to the door to leave me alone with my outburst. At that moment I realized what I did. I quickly got up and grabbed his forearm to stop him.

“Sorry. Spencer, I'm so sorry. Really, please don't go. I know you are trying to help me. Please forgive me…”

I started crying again. He came closer and hugged me again. This time I accepted his embrace, sinking my head into his chest. I felt so overwhelmed and not clear why.

"You will be fine. You just have to be patient. You have received 5 times the amount of hormones that your body is usually used to having. That affects your ability to handle emotions, among other things. That is why you do not even know why there is times when you feel like this. But I can assure you this effect will diminish, especially after the 'procedure'. Your body will slowly adjust to this.”

I just let out a sigh. The tears stopped falling and I looked at my guardian angel right in his eyes.

"I don't know what I did to deserve you." I rose over my feet and gave him a soft kiss on his lips. He said nothing. I could only see some confusion in his eyes. I'm also not sure why I did it, but it was what I felt I should do. Spencer was about to say something, but at that moment Penelope entered with something in her hands.

"Boy Wonder told us you were not feeling so well, so I made you this hot chocolate. I'm sure you’ll feel better with this". She said that, handing me the mug.

"Thank you Penelope. And, please forgive me for how I treated you today"

"Don't worry my little one, we've all been through bad days, right, Boy Wonder?". Spencer nodded, with his hands in his pockets.

"Well, I'll go back to my desk. If you need anything else (Y/N), let me know." Saying so, he left the room.

Spencer was right. After the fertilization procedure, my hormones started to regulate a little, as well as my mood. Although the procedure was quite uncomfortable, at all times he was with me. I had to ask for a few days of leave in order to recover a little. Those days the team was out of city for a case. Spencer called me every night to ask me how I was doing. I didn't want to admit it, but I was anxious.

In addition to the anticipation, there was something more stuck in my head. I began to see my relationship with Spencer differently. I mean, it's not that we stopped being friends from one day to the next, but I felt the need to be close to him all the time. I tried to explain that thinking my emotions were totally distorted. It was possible. But without realizing it, I began to notice things about him that I had not taken attention before. His eyes seemed more beautiful to me than before, they spread a serenity that I had not found before. His smile was able to lift my spirits even though it might be the worst day of my life. Feeling his hands stroking my back gave me pleasure and calm. Every time he hugged me it was like feeling at home. What was happening to me?

I was scared to think I could be "using" Spencer to overcome my breakup. Many months had passed since that. But this felt different. Ours was a kind of complicity that I hardly managed with Darren in the years we were together. This was really starting to confuse me. Spencer was right. This was going to change the relationship between us, but I didn't think the result would be to start falling in love with Spencer Reid. Maybe I was very naive thinking that I could separate things well. The worst thing was that I didn't even know how to identify what I was feeling in first place. Eventually we could have a child together. How could it not have occurred to me that this could have unexpected consequences between us?

The days passed and to avoid getting more confused, I tried to put some distance between us. He did the same. We spent less time together, talked less on the jet, came less frequently to my apartment. Although at all times he never stopped worrying about me, how I felt or if I had pain.

That afternoon of March rained incessantly. Almost at the end of winter it seemed that heaven wanted to tell me something and I was not going to like it. I was sitting in the doctor's office. This time I didn't ask Spencer to come with me. My hands were sweating, my legs were shaking. I knew what the conversation would be about. Throughout the post-insemination cycle there were no signs of pregnancy. Only the confirmation of the doctor was missing to clear my suspicions.

"Sorry. In this process we try all possible methods trying not to be so aggressive with your body. But the results are not as expected. At this point it is minimally likely that you can get pregnant. Now maybe you could try… ”. Before he continued speaking I interrupted him.

"Thank you Doctor. For now I think that's it. I don't feel able to do anything else. Maybe… I don't know, at another time… ” I tried to say it with the utmost integrity that my broken heart and body allowed me.

"It’s okay. I’ll be available for any questions you may have. I'm sorry again."

And so my hopes were shattered into a thousand pieces. I expected it, but hearing it was much more painful than I thought. To try to calm down I started walking aimlessly in the incessant rain for a few hours. I didn't mind being soaked, at least that way no one would notice my tears falling.

If I wanted to, my feet took me to the place where I knew I could find comfort. I went upstairs to the second floor and knocked on the door. Quickly it opened, revealing a worried Spencer seeing how I was in front of him completely soaked and with my eyes puffy. Without hesitation he pulled me into the apartment, closed the door, and hugged me.

"Spencer, don't hug me, I'm soaked." I said as I raised my arms so he couldn´t touch me.

"I don’t care. Come here." He knew. He knew exactly what was going on. "Sorry, I'm so sorry," he said as he kissed my forehead.

"Me too. I really thought it might work…” My strength was over at that moment. I collapsed crying in his arms.

"It's okay. Cry all you need to. I’m here".

Spencer tried to comfort me by stroking my back and whispering words of encouragement into my ear. I spent a few minutes sobbing in his arms, until he broke the hug when he noticed that I was starting to shiver.

"Come, let's dry you and change your clothes"

And we did that. He took me to the bathroom and let me take a shower. He went to his room and looked for some clothes that I could wear. He left everything tidy on the table beside the toilet, along with a towel and left the bathroom.

The hot water helped me compose myself a little. I dried myself and put on the clothes Spencer had left for me. I got out of the bathroom and saw him in the kitchen making coffee and something to eat.

Without saying a word I sat next to the table. Spencer joined me, leaving two mugs of coffee and sandwiches on the table. He sat next to me and took my hand.

"You need to eat. If you don't want to talk, that's fine.”

"Thank you. You know what this is about, though, right?”

"Yes I know. So I don't want to pressure you to have something to say."

"I'm just disappointed. And although I expected it, it doesn't stop hurting less. I really wanted it to work.” Tears no longer came out of my eyes. Just sighs from my chest.

"Me too" he confessed.

"Really?. Don't you feel even a little relief? ... after all it was a life for this world. It is not a small thing. You said it before.” Surely my voice sounded hurtful but I didn't know why.

"Of course not. It was something you wanted… and I was determined to give it to you if it was within my reach.” He didn't even hesitate to answer.

"Why? Because are you my friend?". Spencer looked at me oddly. It was not an expected question for him.

"Yes of course. Because we are friends. Because I want to see you happy." I should have stuck with that answer, but for some reason I wanted to keep pushing.

"Only for that? There is no other reason?". I really didn't know why I was doing this. But I couldn't stop.

"What do you want to ask me (Y/N)? Whatever is in your head, just say it." I could feel Spencer becoming uncomfortable with the conversation.

"Are you going to deny that you have feelings for me?". His eyes widened suddenly, but I didn't see any intention that he was going to say a word, so I kept talking. "Are you going to tell me that in all these years you never thought of me as more than a friend? Did it not occur to you to have something with me?"

I know I was being unfair. I was projecting my own revived desires onto him. But I couldn't help it. His demeanor changed to a much more defensive one.

"Does that matter now? Do you really care now how I feel about you?". That was a revelation that I didn't expect to hear so quickly.

"Of course I care. I always cared. I've always cared about you, Spencer."

"If it really were like that, you wouldn't be asking me these questions right now when you know I can´t answer those." He said, standing up from his chair, walking and leaning himself against one of the walls looking out the window avoiding my gaze.

“Why can't you answer my questions now? Because am I hurt? Because do I have to accept that there are things that I won't be able to have in my life, no matter how much I want them? Because do I look vulnerable?”

“Exactly. This is not the time for that.”

“I just want the truth Spencer. I'm tired of assuming things, of false hopes, of not having any fucking certainty in my life.”

Spencer looked at me with sadness in his eyes. I'm sure he evaluated all the possibilities in seconds before saying anything.

“Do you want the truth? It's okay. I will tell you the truth. I've been in love with you for years!. I've been trying for years to convince myself that the best way to be by your side is by being your friend and leaning on what you need!. I have believed for years that I have done my best to make you happy. And one day you come and ask me to be the father of your child... or rather, the sperm donor.

And if I told you that this was not the time to talk about this, I’m not going to stop now. I told you this was going to change things between us. And now, no matter how hard we put it into making it ... it didn't work. And not only you lost (Y/N). I lost too. I lost my friend, I lost the only thing that kept me happy, which was to make you happy and I lost the secret hope of being the father of a child with you.”

After saying all that, Spencer walked over to the couch and sat with his hands on his knees and head facing the floor. I was speechless. I pushed so hard that now I had a love confession and the person I love the most in this world hurt because of me.

Perhaps if the words were not enough, the actions could help express what I was feeling at the moment. I walked over to the couch and sat next to him. I took one of his hands and squeezed it to look at me. When he did, I moved closer and my lips brushed his. I stayed still a few seconds waiting for his reaction. He did nothing, just closed his eyes.

Without waiting any longer, I let myself go and now I caught his lips with mine kissing him with all the intensity I could. He tried to keep still, but began to reciprocate the kiss with almost the same desire that I felt at that moment.

We started making out in his couch. His hands taking my cheeks. My hands around his neck playing with his hair. Needy kisses, clumsy kisses, intense kisses. All at the same time. I felt wanted. I felt loved. Was it the same as I felt? I had trouble thinking about it in that precise moment. I just knew I needed to feel it, that I needed him. My body and heart had become dependent on Spencer Reid. And that moment, I didn't mind accept it anymore. Between kisses Spencer tried to speak.

“You asked weeks ago about what turn me on. The answer is you. You drive me crazy in all possible ways. You can’t even imagine the whole picture. It’s so frustrating and so addicting at the same time.” He said this words as his lips traveled from mine to the skin of my neck and my collarbone.

“Please, show me… show me how you love me.”. I was begging him to take me right then.

“This is what you want?”. As much as desire consumed us both at the time, he wasn't going to do anything that I didn't agree with. So I tried to be as explicit as possible.

“Yes. I need to feel you. Make me feel again.”

“This is not a solution, you know?”. Spencer said as he took the edge of the shirt I was wearing and pulled it out. Meanwhile I released his tie and unbuttoned his dress shirt.

“I know, but it helps. Please, just do something.”

That was enough for him. He got up from the sofa, took me in his arms and carried me to his bedroom. He gently laid me down on the mattress, while he began to remove the clothes that were still in my body. He did the same with his garments. He lay down next to me, touching softly my body and looking for my needy lips.

“I could keep touching you all night long, do you know that?”. His raspy voice was almost a whisper in my ear.

“Prove it. Show me you mean it”. Desperate to feel him I just wanted him to not stop kissing or touching me.

“You will gone in the morning”. He said as his fingertips explored the skin between my legs.

“This matters now?”. Spencer shook his head as his fingers moved dangerously to my wet core. The sensation was so pleasant that moans escaped my mouth and I could stop them.

“No. If this my only chance. So be it”. Without leaving his ministration in my body his lips caught one of my breasts, sucking the nipple and letting out moans that made my skin vibrate in pure ecstasies.

“Are… you expecting… I say it back?”. I managed to ask although I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear the answer.

“No. I’m not expecting anything right now…just I want make you feel good. This is enough for me”

“Spencer, I never… wanted to hurt you…”. Even though my senses were lost between pleasure and lust, I felt like I should tell him anyway.

“I did this to myself… nothing to apologize”.

That was the end of our talk. After that the room filled with only moans, gasps and our names sliding from each other's mouth. If I had to describe the moment, I must say the times that I could have fantasized about something like this, they didn't come any close to the reality.

I felt alive again. The warmth of his body was like firewood for my cracked humanity. I let myself go and I let myself be loved. Spencer showed me exactly what his words said earlier. He meant it. And the only way I could think of to show him I cared too was giving him my body and soul that night.

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Taglist: @mortallythoughtfulgurl  @cielo1984​@blameitonthenight21 @icantevenanymore1  @hopebaker  @eternalharry  @britishspidey  @tiktokslut  @jessydestroy  @mollygetssherlockcoffee  @colalcherryhunt @fukyouthink 

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A/N 2: Reader is still confused about her feelings to Spencer and she will talk to someone of the team about it. Who you think must be this person?

[bubblyani]

Better

(Adam Sackler x Reader)

An Adam Sackler One Shot

Genre: Fluff

Request: Been trying really hard to come up with something. So its not that great of a request. How about Adam Sackler x Reader. You wrote a jealous Adam. How would Adam react if his girlfriend was jealous? If you are inclined to make it super fluffy at the end. I wouldn’t be mad at ya. Please please please? 💖💖 @danceyreagan​

Author’s Note: Writing for Adam Sackler is fun cause I could dive into the style of dialogue they have in GIRLS. Hope y’all enjoy!

The way his large, generous hand enveloped yours, it was clear that even the harshest of winds would not be able to blow you away from Adam Sackler’s grasp. Yes, as dramatic as it sounded, you felt that secure.

Warmth, it exuded through his hand, powerful enough to bring you only comfort and nothing else. It was cooling yet warm at the same time. Perfect for the summer. Your mind, it was at peace with him. Even when he took you on a stroll on the streets of Brooklyn on a lazy afternoon.

“I don't get  it…” Adam began, in a matter-of-fact tone, “…why are people so weirded out by hand holding in public?”


“Uh…” Suddenly thrown off by the question, you formed a response, “I guess some people are not as open to PDA…Adam, are you okay?” You inquired, fascinated by his enthusiastic behavior. “Me? I’m great…” He said nonchalantly. Looking at you, he smiled, “You know what?…fuck those people! Hand holding rules…I get to hold on to my girl all the time” he said proudly, raising the held hands together as if he won a trophy.

“Ooooh!” You giggled, thoroughly amused. 


“And I get to do stuff like this…WHOOOO!”

Squealing, you felt like a paper blown in the wind, when Adam started to run, pulling you with him. To the average passerby, the two of you may have looked like lunatics. But running together hand-in hand, you felt like a child. Although you were sure you weren’t so active back then as you were just this moment.

Catching one’s breath after running for a while, Adam released your hand, walking ahead while rambling of the most random topics he could come up with. Listening to him was never a burden for you. You always did so with a smile on your face. For you were genuinely inclined to. It was Adam. His silliness , his wackiness was nothing compared to the love and joy you felt being with him. And you were finally happy to share the silliness with someone who equally did not care of the social norms that had no impact. You both existed in this life, to share the embarrassment together. And you did not mind.

With your eyes solely focused on him alone, you suddenly found yourself bumping into someone, who just emerged from the retail shop nearby.

“Oh! Sorry-” You said involuntarily. Judging by the soft locks of hair that brushed against your face, you guessed it was a woman. And looking up, you were right. “It’s okay…” The woman answered. Overhearing, Adam quickly turned. He could not help but freeze in his tracks. “Mel?” He said, looking at the woman. With widened eyes, the woman opened her mouth with surprise. 


“Adam…Hey!” She cried out, but with an unexpected surprise of a tone. It sounded shy. “Hey…” Adam replied, in an equal manner.

Awkward silence emerged for a few seconds as you could not figure out what was going on. The woman finally came to her senses when she realized you had accompanied him.

“I’m sorry…” she said to you, “I’m Melanie…Mel” she added extending her hand out to you. “And this is Y/N…” Adam replied, putting his arm around your shoulder, “ …my girlfriend”

Mel looked more surprised than before. At this point you have already realized they knew each other. “Oh wow…” she began, taking the time to process the information as you shook hands with her, “…nice to meet you” she said slowly.

“You too” you said, in a confident yet curtly manner. The moment Mel let go of your hand, it seemed like you had suddenly disappeared from her eyesight, for it was only on Adam.

“You look…good…” she said to him, nodding. Surprisingly silent and obedient, Adam nodded back. “So do you…” he said softly, while they both acknowledged one another.

Feeling like the 3rd wheel in this situation, you were deeply inclined to stealthily move yourself. And you did, a few feet away. But at the same time, you stood close enough to asses the entire situation, for you were no fool.

Mel, she was beautiful. If her beauty was to be described in one word, it would be as breathtaking. With your hands folded, you watched them with the same intensity as watching a complicated sports game. Your eyes were busy analyzing their every move. Their manner of talking was soft, which clearly did not fit the description of long time friends. Their choice of words were careful.  And from the angle you stood, you could clearly see how her eyes dilated by the sight of him every second.

For a second, you wished you knew Adam’s reaction too.

This sort of behavior, you’d certainly be a fool to not know what they were.

A minute or two later, Mel made her exit. But not before nodding at you. Nodding back with a constrained smile, your arms remained folded as Adam walked  over to you.

“So…” He began awkwardly, “…uh…that was-” “Your ex?” You asked, wearing the same tense smile. Adam nodded quickly. “Yep…”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(An hour later)

“Hey…Hope you’re not feeling sick or anything. Just so you know, if you need me to come over…all you gotta do is ask…okaaay. Anyways, I’ll talk to you later, Bye!”

As soon as Adam’s voice message ended, you tossed the phone away, as you tossed to the other side on your bed. Truthfully, you wished you were sick. Rather be sick than have this feeling, you thought.

The stroll, it continued after Mel left. You remember how your eyes lingered on Adam  while he continued with his ramble. Except your conscious was nowhere near there. Suddenly you could not smile the way you used to. You felt unhappiness, poking you in the heart with a reminder. At first you did not know why. But with each step you took, you came to the realization.

Sure, we all had past relationships. So did you, so did Adam. It was a given. In fact, when you first met him, you were well aware of the fact he was getting over his previous relationship, which had ended horribly. But never did you expect to meet the woman behind it all. You did not think it was someone who was as perfect as Melanie.

The more you were aware of her existence, the more sour you felt. Jealousy, it was knowingly swallowing you whole to the point you could not pretend anymore. It was tiring to feign enthusiasm. And since Adam did not dare to expand on the topic even after the encounter, you felt pressure in holding it all in.

So much so you excused yourself to go back to your apartment, alone.

Jealousy, it turned you into someone different entirely. Sighing deeply, you closed your eyes as you drifted off to sleep.

If your normal self was Dr.Jekyl, the Jealous you was definitely your Mr.Hyde.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(The next morning)

“…and boom! I got this sweet ride for half the cost. Isn’t that awesome?” Adam’s voice woke you from your thoughts. “Hmm….” With arms folded, you remained unmoved as you stared ahead sitting on the passenger seat of the car. It was Adam’s niece’s birthday, and his sister had decided to hold it at a place outside the city. Though you were far from willing to step out of the apartment with Mr.Hyde inside, you still joined your boyfriend when he rented a car to go there.

Surprised by your silence, Adam kept driving. Though it was obvious he was deciding to move over to another topic. “So…uh…you wanna listen to something?” He inquired, reaching out to the radio. No answer. It was as if he was the only occupant in the car. 
“Okay…still silence it is then…” He muttered awkwardly. The outskirts of the city welcomed the both of you when Adam decided to speak once again.

“You know…” he began, “I’m not the one to usually bring up stuff like this but…” he continued, “Did you bring any makeup with you?”

Turning your head to him with annoyance, you shot him a look. “Why? Am I not pretty enough?” You snapped. 


“NO no no…Jesus!” He replied quickly. Sighing, he added “It’s just that…this is kinda of a formal thing, and I really don’t want you to regret not putting anything on…cause you usually do”

You looked at your reflection on your phone. Mr.Hyde seemed to have convinced you to care lesson yourself you even forgot to put on makeup before the trip. Adam was right. But somehow you just felt worse.

“Well…”you began sternly, “if that’s the case then …why don’t you ask MEL to accompany you, huh?” To your horror, you almost felt yourself bark by the end of the sentence. But at that moment you really did not care.

Exhaling deeply, Adam quickly pulled the car over, bringing it to a steady halt. “Why are we stopping? You asked angrily. “Cause we need to talk…outside” Adam said, surprisingly very calm. Unable to smile, your face was stuck in a resting bitch-face mode as he gestured you to get out of the car.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The outskirts of New York deserved more of the attention. But today was not the day. Amidst the trees and bushes by the road, Adam watched you. With his hands is his jacket pockets, he watched you pace from side to side.

“Y/N…” Adam began calmly, “You okay?” “Uh huh….” Nonchalantly you answered, trying your hardest to avoid the question.

“See? I can tell that you’re definitely not okay” Adam finally spoke up in a tone that made you pause. Taking his hands out of his pockets, he took a step towards you. “You’re upset about something. And… you know what? no matter how long you’re gonna stand here sulking….I don’t give a shit” he said, with a serious tone, “You’re gonna tell me what the fuck is going on with you. Cause I’ve never seen this side to you, Y/N. And its making me worried-”

“OKAY!….” you cried out. His incessant ramble finally broke you down. But what really broke you was his concern in particular. It made the insensitive side of yours break it’s walls, to see how patient he was with your stubborn behavior, ever since yesterday. And how patient he was now.

“Okay…I’ll talk. I’m gonna talk.” You said with a sigh.


“Great” “But I’m gonna talk a lot.” “Well…good. Cause that’s what I want” Your heart melted upon hearing those words. “Really?” You asked. “Yeah!” He answered without hesitation. Taking a deep breath, you looked right into his eyes. 
“Okay…Look! You’re a hottie… and-” “What? THAT’S IT?” He asked confusingly, making you burst out laughing to his surprise. “Stop! I’m trying to be serious” “Yeah… well, that was a good start” He replied with sarcasm, making you chuckle harder. “Sackler come on!” You said, playfully smacking him on his chest, “ I mean it. You’re this …hella attractive guy, and I knew going out with you, I have to put up with the women throwing themselves at you. Being an actor and all. And I didn’t mind. I didn’t care. I really didn’t give a fuck” “You didn’t ?” “I didn’t ” you repeated, “But…When I saw your ex…she…I mean, Mel is gorgeous. Like mad gorgeous” “No she isn’t” Shocked by his quick response, your jaw dropped. “You gotta be blind if you really mean that” you said, appalled. Adam raised both his hands. “Is this… some kind of self validation on appearances or something?” He asked. “NO No…I normally don’t care but…” you said, frustrated, “…seeing her, and seeing the two of you together talking…I just felt so horrible. Like a legit stomach pain. Not because I’m worried of how she looks better than me…It’s just that..with you guys having such a long history, I wondered, are you guys suddenly gonna have hope for each other again?” You said, as you let your thoughts take you, “Maybe you’ll start…thinking about her again and…One afternoon you guys would probably wanna meet up for coffee, but will it end with just coffee? NO! It won’t” Engaged in your green thoughts, you did not even notice your voice breaking with emotion, “And the next thing you know, you’ll tell me you don’t love me anymore and… leave me and-”

“Hey hey hey! Shhhh!” Adam cut you off gently, pulling you into an embrace,  “Where the hell did you just go?” He asked. As vulnerable as you were, you welcomed this warmth gladly. “I’m sorry…” you sniffed, “When I get jealous I get…super paranoid. And it just goes down the spiral…it’s crazy. It’s bad I know. I’m sorry-” “Shh…” he repeated, “It’s okay…” patting your back gently. With eyes closed, you remained in the warmth of his embrace for a few minutes. Both of you dwelled in comfortable silence while the birds chirped and the soft wind caressed your bodies.

“Do you know why me and Mel broke up?” He asked, making you pull away all the sudden. “No…” wiping your nose, you answered, “… cause I didn’t want to pry into the your romantic past. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable…” Adam chuckled, upon hearing your response, “You know, this was one of the reasons I liked you so much” he said, stroking your head lovingly, “You’re so cool. Like… in the best way” “Shhh stop!” You smiled shyly, hugging him again. “So… why did you guys break up?” You asked him. Adam’s chest rose as he took a deep breath. “She cheated on me…” he said, “When I confronted her about it, all she could say was…she wanted someone better” With widened eyes, you tried your best to process the news. Adam chuckled. “Imagine how that made me feel?”  He asked. “Yeah, that must have sucked…” you said, voice muffled against his jacket, “…I mean..how can she say that? About you especially?” “Yeah?” He asked, pulling away to look at you. “Yeah…that’s just crazy talk” “You know what else is crazy talk?” He said softly,  “You…thinking I might leave you”

Embarrassment swallowed you whole completely, you had nowhere else to look but down. How could you act this way to a man like him?

“Hey!…” Adam began, “…C’mere” taking your chin by the hand so that you eyes met. “Mel may have thought I wasn’t better…” he said, “… but she’ll never be better than you-” “Adam, I don’t care if I’m better…It’s not a competition” Your voice got emotional again, “I just want you to love me as much as I love you”

Those words, they sealed the deal when Adam swooped in, kissing you passionately on the lips. You felt the closet to being saved when those lips fed you the sweet nectar of the love you indulged from him all this time. Melting in his arms in completion, you held onto him with your dear life as he lifted you up, taking you on a spin before he put you down again. Your heart, it felt light, it felt refreshed.

“Y/N…” Adam began,  “Being with you, I spent possibly the happiest days of my life. Do I need to say more?”

Your lips quivered with emotion as you cupped his face.

“No need” you said, as your fingers traced over his goatee, “… that was more than enough”

And in a flash, his generous hand enveloped yours, providing you with the security and warmth you longed for. But more importantly, providing you with the absolute certainty of the real love you both shared for one another.

Check my MASTERLIST for More:)

[shayprose]

On Sobriety, my Quiet Place, and the Sliver

It’s difficult to wrap my mind around where I am now. Not the physical — my body is in Somerville, MA. That’s easy. I’m talking about the bits in between where my body is and where my mind drifts; the emotional and the spiritual, the elusive two states that are hardest to describe.

I’m sober, you see, and with that comes the immensity of where I was. You can’t think of one without the other, and the shoe that drops on the other side of sobriety is — well, it’s a topic that sells sad artists a lot of albums. The little golden medallion I carry around with me to signify that I’ve made it through a year of “recovery” is so heavy in my pocket because of its significance. It’s a little metallic tomb full of memories made manifest of a very, very dark time.

But if I’m practicing radical honesty, then it — “it” — is actually the pinnacle of so many other things, so many other memories, all interwoven into one point. The threads of a long life of good things and bad things, all culminating in the reason I carry that medallion around with me, despite its heft.

It all started when the quiet place I used to go to, deep inside myself, the safe place with all of its carefully hewn comforts, where pleasant memories and dreams were the wallpaper and the rosewood floors, was destroyed in a 9-alarm fire called addiction. And I miss it there, so, so much.

This thought dump is rambling already, but bear with me. I suppose the nature of what I’m saying is the rambling point I’m trying to make: so much of my days now are made up of trying to grapple onto the thoughts that started spiraling around me like a hurricane when I let myself black out every night. Rambling is par for the course.

Right before I tipped over the edge, after a night (or an afternoon) of drinking, I remember thinking every so often, “Self, you’re really fucking up, my dude,” and having the actual sensation that my mind was melting. It was a vibration that ran through my face, surged through my brain, and then ricocheted down into my outer extremities. A few times, that shockwave made me panic and I filled up my Google search with things like, “Effects of alcoholism on the brain,” and “Can I lose my mind from alcohol?”

Scary stuff, right? I think the scariest thing, though, is that after a while, I stopped Googling those things. It didn’t really matter anymore, after all — neurodegeneration was, according to my 2 a.m. panic-laden internet searching, impossible to reverse, so fuck it, right? Black out, self. Go for it. Let it all fall away, and if you remember anything from the night before, well, try harder to forget next time. The recipe can always be tweaked, after all! Don’t stop at three shots after your four martinis. Add a fourth, and chase it with a Truly. Add a beer if it’s a work night — they fill you up so you don’t have to eat dinner.

The quiet place was still accessible in those early days of my downward spiral, to some degree, fragmented though it was. And then, it wasn’t.

The most painful part of my shredded humanity, I think, was when I tried one day to make the journey to my quiet place, through meditation and soft music, and I stumbled over the corpses of the things that I sacrificed for him. There was Dignity, her face bruised and slapped around, still beautiful in death. Over there was Desire, who held all of my dreams on his back, now reduced to a crumpled-up heap on the floor, barely recognizable anymore. The hardest body to see was Hope, whose glowing effulgence used to be the light that powered my quiet place, her soft illumination the fuel for all the pretty candles that lit up the darkness. Her light was snuffed out completely in death.

And so, my light was dimmed in life.

When I finally waded through the mistakes and the tragedies, I arrived at a place I called home for so many years, the place inside myself I built through all of my childhood traumas, to find the windows shattered, the garden ransacked, the curtains torn. Every square inch of my safe haven was hollowed out. In November, 2019, the last time I tried to go there before I let it go completely, I remember thinking, “You did your best, and it wasn’t good enough. You’re free.”

I had woken up at 3 a.m. to make sure he was safe, and when I saw that he wasn’t, I drowned the terror in half a handle of gin. The next morning, when I got to work, I started packing my desk because I didn’t want anyone else to have to deal with it. A few cigarettes, a few pills, a few coffees later, I unpacked my desk, went to a few meetings, and then purposefully forgot the way back to my quiet place.

In therapy, I learned that something like my “quiet place” is a very real trauma response folks can develop. My therapist explained that I was wise beyond my years to have taken so much pain in my childhood and translated it into a lighthouse, where I could always go if I needed to escape. “It’s healthy,” he said, “to know that you are safe inside yourself. What changed?”

What indeed. Before I started writing this, I took a trip through the pages of this old tumblr and remembered where I used to be then, emotionally and spiritually, and the difference seems to be that back then, when I thought I was giving myself wholly to whatever mission I was on, I still held back just enough to keep the quiet place alive. A sliver of my mind was always tethering me to safety, and I think I knew that. I took comfort in that. It was me remembering to spare some energy to keep my own lights on. Good job, me.

There’s no sense in trying to rationalize addiction, and that’s not what I was doing when I flipped through these pages — people spend their entire careers trying to decipher the origins of that disease, and I’m not going to crack the code by rereading a young adult’s foibles. However, I do think there’s something important in the work of sifting through the examples I’ve left behind for myself. To maybe see where the path I walked so carefully through life became so twisted.

The sliver I mentioned before, the place in my mind that tethered me to safety, took a risk. He reached out a hand to someone who said they needed me, and in a state of perfect trust, I allowed him to free fall. After all, who’s wouldn’t after hearing these things?

“I will always love you. It’s just you and me now. Don’t worry; I got you.”

A running leap over a cliff, and then

“This terrible thing is part of me. I understand if you want to leave, but I can’t stop crying. Do you want to leave me?”

eyes closed,

“It’s not your turn right now — I love him, too — but someday, I’ll give you what you need. I love you.”

I let myself fall.

“I tried to kill myself — it was all set up, and I was ready. But your face is what stopped me. I didn’t because of you. I need you.”

I knew I shouldn’t have jumped, but

“I promise I’m trying to get better. Therapy just doesn’t work for me; meetings just don’t work for me. But I’ll do it for you.”

if I could help someone, someone who needed me,

“I told you I’m working on it. If you don’t believe me, then you are hurting me, and hurting me will just lead me back to the darkness. Don’t hurt me.”

then who cares if I get hurt.

“They don’t love you like I do. Let’s go get breakfast, and I’ll teach you how to take care of yourself.”

I fell. That sliver, that tether, fell farther and farther, until I couldn’t see him anymore. He was weighed down by all of the affirmations, all the promises of love and safety, all the hollow words. And the cruelest:

“This is a risk for me, too, but that’s why it’s so important that we do this together; no one else understands.”

Without that tether, without the quiet place, I was numb. And I liked being numb. I kept adjusting the recipe to be number longer, and that was how I lived.

So much of AA is about putting yourself into the shoes of your peers who are going through the same thing. Everyone has a story like mine. They might not think about it the way I do, with personification and magic, but their stories all have a similar energy to them, which is accompanied by a familiar far-away look in their eyes. Every story also has something that ties us all together —

— when all of us felt a spark. A tiny mote of light that flickers behind our eyes and tells us that there’s another path, less twisty and less dark, where we can take a deep breath, if we’ll just follow it. A moment when the free fall stops, even for a second.

Mine came when I woke up next to him one morning, the day after I sobbed my way home on a bus from NYC. We had gotten too drunk at a bottomless brunch, and we went to another bar (probably at my pressuring). I spilled a martini, I fell off my stool, we left, and then the memory becomes hazier. We fucked in our hotel room? We ran through Manhattan to the bus terminal? We almost missed it? My memory picks back up with me weeping because I was confused. Where are we? What are we doing? Please don’t be mad at me — I hate me, too. Will you marry me? Please? When is your next trip? Will you please be safe? Will you be safer if we’re married? I’ll protect you. Just think about me. Am I enough?

My spark ignited. The day after that trip, I looked down at him and, as if I were waking up from a nightmare, I thought, “You will never change. But I can. And fuck you.”

As I climbed out of bed that day, my brain fried from my hangover, I grabbed my phone and sent a message to a friend who had gotten sober the year before. He told me we could get coffee so I could ask him questions. I went. That’s when he told me about a meeting he was chairing. “Come,” he said. “It’ll be easier to explain if you just see it for yourself.”

So I did. My nightmare came with me, supported my decision, held my hand, and while I was watching my friend chair the meeting, as I listened to the stories of everyone in that church basement, I realized I wouldn’t be whole, I wouldn’t be safe, unless I didn’t need that hand in mine anymore.

A year has gone by since then. Over time, the spark grew into a candle flame, which exploded into a fire, and I haven’t had a drink or a drug since. The medallion is heavy, and it brings me back to NYC, to the thousandfold traumas of emotional abuse, to the guilt of allowing myself to be caught up in a whirlwind of self-doubt, but I’m learning to find comfort in the weight of it.

This is the first time I’ve written anything like this since I lost my footing. It isn’t anything like my other posts — my therapist says I’ll probably never get that same easygoing talent back, not without a lot of effort, and so I suppose that’s what this is. My therapist inspired this post, actually. He’s sober, too, and knows what I mean when I talk about not being able to wrap my mind around where I am; when I talk about the weight of the medallion, and the two sides of that coin. He says to me, over and over:

“You can trust yourself again now. You never lost your quiet place, it’s all still there. It’s just different now.”

I’m pleased to report that my new quiet place is in bloom. Hope is alive again and her light is as gentle and steadfast as ever. Desire and Dignity are rebuilding my gardens, and the Sliver, the little tether I hold closest of all, is the gatekeeper, the star in the sky, and the only thing that matters to me anymore. His name is Shay, and I love him again. I can’t wait for you to meet him.

[tizravenkatthing]

Spellbucks

A/N: So.... I’ve put this off long enough I think and I guess I should’ve been writing but oh well. This round it’s time for some Prinxiety! As per usual, please enjoy and I encourage constructive criticism if you have any for me.

Trigger Warnings: NIL

Pairings: Prinxiety (Again, just for this chapter)

Taglist: @peach-cake-slice, @peachflavoredcupcake, @no-i-dont-have-a-gender

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Spellbucks Cafe

Chapter 2: Storm’s a’brewin

A tinkle of the bell signaled a new customer had arrived to the little cafe. Patton was as bouncy as he always did, and he was delighted to receive the man who stepped through his doors.

“Roman, right? I’m glad you came back!” the bubbly manager exclaimed.

As Roman smiled awkwardly and scratched the back of his neck, Virgil turned his head to look at Patton and the man he was addressing, his attention drawn away from his homework at Patton’s loud, bubbly voice. As the two spoke, Virgil studied the man who Patton was talking to. They seemed quite friendly, though, Virgil was quite sure he didn’t recognize the man, nor seem him around before.

The man had deep emerald eyes, tan skin and his chocolate brown hair was half dyed to gold. And strangely enough, the man had looked to the side, at him, while talking to Patton and immediately turned his gaze away with a blush when he noticed Virgil looking back. That was definitely odd, did he catch a cold or something?

Meanwhile, Roman was freaking out. Not just normal freaking out but ‘extremely-gay-and-I-saw-my-crush-looking-at-me’ freaking out. Alarm bells were ringing in his mind as he faked his best smile as he talked to the cheerful Patton. He hoped he didn’t look weird. Was his smile crooked?? His hair our of place??? Why was his emo crush staring at him?!!?!?? Despite all his worries, he manages to sit himself, at the same spot he sat at last time, and picked up the menu. He couldn’t stop his turmoil of emotions as he chanced a glance sideways to the emo. By the time he had sat, the emo had got back to work on his papers. Using that chance, he feigned reading the menu as he took in the sight of the skinnier man. 

His hair was dyed purple and he wore a jacket that looked a patchwork of black and checkered purple which was halfheartedly stitched together. The eye shadow the emo sported was extremely dark, matching the color of his ripped jeans. The whole look was what he would usually call edgy or dull but for the person he was looking at, it all came together perfectly. He didn’t notice Patton approaching him as he observed the emo’s sharp jawline, his soft-looking hair, his delicate fingers....

“Roman?”

“AAH!!” Roman shrieked and then quickly covered his mouth a second later, drawing the attention of every patron in the cafe.

Roman’s face flushed red as mutters ensued and he got strange looks. Turning to Patton, he barely remembered to compose himself. 

“P-patton, I’m sorry, I was just... L-lost in thought.” Roman stuttered and gave Patton a sheepish grin. 

Patton raised a brow a him and looked at him in concern, “You sure you’re alright, Roman?”

“Y-yes. Absolutely. Perfectly fine, why wouldn’t I be??” He sputtered and rambled on, oooh, dear lord he was doomed.

Patton kept his expression of concern but pushed past it, “Right.... So, are you ready to order?”

Oh, shoot. He was so busy admiring his crush that he forgot to look at the menu! Roman quickly flipped through the menu in front of him and randomly pointed out a drink and a snack.

“U-uh, could I have these please?” He asked, trying his best to play off his panic.

Patton looked at him weird and he knew he must’ve pointed out something wrong. 

“Uhm... Sure. One Chill Pill and one Super Sugar Cake, coming up.” Patton repeated the order and Roman nodded. 

What was with the look, the order sounded totally normal. He looked down and observed his choices, only then did he see what was wrong. The Super Sugar Cake was filled with an extreme amount of sugar and sweet treats that even Roman couldn’t handle. It was stated that it induced hyper-activeness due to the high levels of sugar and was recommended for either extreme sweet tooths or those needed a large energy boost. And Roman didn’t look like he needed either. He had a healthy glow like he had slept like a baby and didn’t look the type to be extremely sweet toothed.

He cursed a little and scratched his head, gosh darn it, how was he going to survive that sugar bomb of a snack?! Beside him, Virgil had observed Roman and snickered softly at his panicked look. It was clear how the man hadn’t thought it through. He wondered though, what caused the guy to be so distracted to even forget to look at the menu?

Roman had heard the snicker, and without a second thought, whipped around and looked at Virgil, firing off an annoyed retort.

“What’re you laughing at, Hot Topic?”

They both froze, Virgil from the shock of being called hot and Roman from the realization that he had just got annoyed at his crush. Roman panicked, scrambling for something to say, his mind a mess of words of things to say and not to say, but Virgil beat him to it.

“So.... You’re telling me I’m attractive?” Virgil asked, surprising Roman.

“Huh? Uhm........” Roman looked like a deer caught in headlights, not sure what to do but slowly processing his words to form a reply. “......... Yes?”

Virgil’s cheeks flared with heat, going red as he now felt flustered and Roman was just in awe at how cute his crush was. Roman was known as a hopeless romantic among his friends, often times he didn’t think before he acted and for the better or worse, he did just that.

“Speaking of you, Hot Topic, I don’t think I caught your name?”

----------------------------

What started as a pursuit became a playful game of cat and mouse after a week of seeing each other at the cafe and talking, Virgil wasn’t so sure about dating Roman just yet though he loved to tease him. A lot. Roman had blurted out that he wanted to date him on the first day they spoke and that was a little weird for Virgil. No one had confessed to him before. Of course, he didn’t tell Roman his name even if he knew Roman’s (Well, the man told him without hesitation so could you blame him?). He had then dared Roman to try to get him to love him back. Just to see how far he’d go, and oh, try he did.

The second second was filled with roses and flirting, with Virgil deflecting and even putting down his attempts to get his number or his name. The third day, Roman had tried serenading Virgil with a song he had written and even more attempts at flirting. Obviously, Virgil deflected but decided that he would tease Roman, to try to get him to stop. The fourth, till seventh day, it was like a game between them. Roman would try to woo him and then he would then deflect it with teasing to try to make brunet blush or stutter, effectively halting the flirting and embarrassing comments for a time.

And by the seventh day, somehow he had quietly admitted to himself that, alright. Roman was adorable and also undeniably handsome. Like, did you see those dimples? And this gorgeous hair? His smile was somehow so cute?? And than his expressions, he loved it when he managed to make Roman blush, or annoyed. He didn’t want to admit defeat yet though, he wanted to keep playing their little game, buy himself time to think it through.

A tinkle of the bell and Virgil looked up to see who it was, the sight of the man he was thinking walking through the door making him smile. When Roman got close enough he leaned on his palm to look at him.

“So, Princey, what will it be today? A dramatic stage play? A poem? Oh, maybe a ring?” he teased.

Oddly, Roman didn’t react and just seemed..... Distant. He laughed at the joke but it was so much different from before... Like he had.... Given up?

“Oh.... Well, sorry to disappoint but I’ve got nothing today.” he said, looking away.

What was going on?? Did he hit his head or something? Virgil was almost scared to ask, scared he did something wrong to upset Roman. He leaned forward and looked Roman in the eye.

“Ro.. You alright? You’re not usually.... Like this.”

Roman just smiled and shrugged, quietly sitting in his seat and calling on Patton to order. They didn’t talk much, and it bothered Virgil. More than it should have. He spoke and tried to get Roman to talk but Roman only gave him short, almost curt, answers. He felt...... Weird. It hurt to see Roman like this. So..... Unlike the man he knew before. It was so strange, it was so odd, he didn’t know why but he felt deeply bothered. While Roman was looking off somewhere, distantly, he gripped his rippled purple shirt, near his heart. Something clenched at his heart but he didn’t know what feeling that was.

When Roman stood, Virgil was quick to catch him by the hand, somehow scared. “W-where.... Uh.... Where are you going...?” he asked, hesitant and at the same time confused. Why would he ask him that??!?!?

Roman just looked at him with the weirdest look, “To meet my partner...?” he said.

And Virgil was shaken, he flinched back and Roman just gave him one last look before walking towards the door. Virgil stared at the spot where Roman was sitting, a tight feeling in his chest. 

He had a... Partner?

What did that mean? A co-worker? A lover? A boyfriend? A girlfriend? Then what about him?? Was he just leading him on?!!?? He was consumed by rage and pushed his chair back, storming out of the cafe and ignoring the worried look Patton had. He slammed the door open and his eyes searched the street, quickly catching sight of his target across the street. He was walking, walking towards another man. A man. He saw red.

He dashed across the street, uncaring for all the stupid cars and trucks and traffic in his way. he paid no attention to the horns, he just dashed across the road like a mad bull. The man Roman was talking too looked terrified, pointing behind him and Roman turned his head to look. Virgil saw the fear in his eyes but it didn’t matter. He grabbed Roman by the collar and slammed him against the wall.

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!?!?? AM I SOME KIND OF PLAY THING TO YOU???? SOME BOY TOY?!?? YOU LEAD ME ON AND NOW YOU ACT LIKE I’M SOME PEBBLE ON THE ROAD SIDE?!!?!??? HOW DARE YOU YOU SON OF A B-” He was cut off by a sudden wave of sadness that hit him like a tidal wave. 

Choking back a sob didn’t work for as long as he thought he could manage. He didn’t care, it hurt. It hurt so much...... Was this what it was like to love someone? The thought struck him and he quietly mulled it over as he cried. That.... That was it, wasn’t it? He didn’t want to admit that he fell so soon, he didn’t want to be some easy target. Hell, he rejected Roman’s dinner requests a hundred times by now because he didn’t know how he felt.......

So. This was love, huh.

He slid down and fell to his knees, his jacket having had slide down his shoulders and exposing how much he trembled. He was angry, and now he was sad... Sad and disappointed in Roman for not trying longer. But more than that, disappointed and upset in himself for denying his emotions and not grabbing the chance sooner. He felt warm arms wrap around him and he was surprised to find Roman hugging him tightly. He felt so safe in his arms that he cried more, hiccuping and gripping onto Roman’s shirt tightly as he did. Was it wrong to do this right in front of his boyfriend? It probably was but Virgil couldn’t stop himself.

Roman slowly petted and stroked his head, comforting Virgil with hushed whispers and coos. It felt so nice and calming that Virgil just poured his eyes out, taking in every feeling he could in that moment. It took a while but he managed to recompose himself, destroyed eye shadow and red nose aside. He looked up at Roman and he found it odd that Roman was smiling from ear to ear.

“..... Why are you smiling like that?” he asked hesitantly.

Roman seemed to just realize how much he was smiling and blushed as he covered it up. “Well.... I mean, this is the first time I’ve seen you chase after me than I after you, storm cloud.”

He blinks. So it was. “But it still doesn’t explain your dumb look, you big dork.” he retorted and Roman just grinned. A twinkle in his eye.

“Well, considering you were mad enough that you came after me.... Could I assume you feel the same way that I feel about you?”

He blinked. Once. Twice. Then once it registered he just flushed from head to toe and quickly covered his face with his hoodie, pulling the strings tight so the hoodie closed. “Y-you... Jerk!”

Roman just laughed as he shook his head, trying to coax him out from his jacket as he lifted him up, drawing a squeak of surprise from the emo.

“That wasn’t a no.” He said cheekily.

And Virgil was quiet for a few seconds, before responding. “It wasn’t. But.. What about your ‘partner’?”

Roman blinked and looked over to the intellect, the man next to him who had been silently observing the entire time just raising a brow. Looking back at Virgil, Roman grinned. 

“Yeah, he’s my partner. Partner in crime that is.” Roman said with a smile of triumph.

“.... Say what now?” 

Virgil was dumbfounded, but his expression turned into one of a mix of annoyance and embarrassment as he found himself carried back to the cafe by none other than Roman as he explained how he had confided in Logan, the intellect who Roman had walked up to, who also happened to be his friend by chance and another one of the cafe’s regulars, and had then hatched a plan to uncover Virgil’s feelings with Logan’s advice.

Virgil found himself utterly and undeniably exposed and defeated, pouting and sulking while Roman tried his best to comfort and get him to stop. Arriving back at his seat, Roman put Virgil down and grinned as the emo looked at him in annoyance. That, to Roman at least, was the most adorable thing. Alas, he needed to leave as he needed to attend to other matters for the day.

“So... I guess I’ll see you around next time?” Roman asked, a bit afraid his crush would go back to treating him how he used to. 

There was silence for a while as Virgil stared at him with his beautiful black eyes. His lovely voice then snapped Roman out of his daze and confused him. 

“Virgil.”

“What?”

The emo sighed, “My name is Virgil. Virgil Tempest. And you owe me dinner.”

-----------------------------------

Prologue, Ch 1 - [Next]

[fallen029]

Dead of Night

Since he was a boy, Bickslow always found it difficult. Sleeping. He had an immense amount of freedom presented to him at an early age, following the death of his parents, and that lead to a lot of terrible choices being made along the way.

For a long time, out on the street, he kind of couldn't sleep well. Anywhere. Because someone was always after you. After making it to Fairy Tail though and finding his way there, he found that the night just suited him by that point. He would sit up in his room at the dormitory all night, reading comics and learning spells when he was young, lamenting life while chain smoking when he grew. As a man now, the bad habit had eaten away at him and, though he could tumble out of his bed for practice or jobs, if the Thunder Legion was on any sort of break in Magnolia, he'd only go back to his apartment and sleep all day so he could stay up all night, watching movies on his lacrima while discussing with his babies the myriad of topics that crossed his mind.

The night life was just his most productive hours, was all. Daylight made him squint his eyes, having to hide them behind his visor, and things were much softer at night, he found, other than just the light. People whispered and music was hushed and it was just much calmer, outside. You could hear the animals out in the forest better and even when he was all alone, in his apartment, he found himself trying to be silent about it. Hushed. His lacrima would stay down low, hardly more than a candle or two lit, and the babies knew to keep their nonsensical rambles to a minimum.

Papa had a lot to think about. They usually left him to it.

Still, the hours weren't too great for a social life. It was bad enough, being gone all the time, off on jobs, but then when he was home, yeah, he was around to go out to dinner or hangout late into the night, but as he grew, he found that less and less people were only about that. Staying up all night partying and carrying on. People liked to meet for lunch. Women liked to be taken out. During the day. Or at least not to only have an attentive partner during some of the daylight hours. When he was around to be that. Which he rarely was.

But meh.

Bickslow had a hard enough time finding a woman who was interested in him. It was a lot of work to get a woman to look passed the face tattoo and strange dolls that floated about. And when he did find one, he was kind of tired of her already because he'd already been chasing her for a good point at that part and it was boring. Once that was all done with.

And what kind of guy would he be, huh? Being interested long term in a woman who was interested in a fucked up person such as himself? If she was into face tattoos and delinquency, then he probably wasn't into her.

A catch 22.

Maybe.

He wasn't quite sure what that was, but it felt like it applied to his situation well enough.

It was weird though. When it happened. Really weird. Which suited him, because he was really weird, but…

Lisanna was always kind of a misfit too. Sort of. She was more aligned with the inner circle of Fairy Tail than he was, really, as she spent years hanging off Makarov's golden boy, Natsu (while, you know, Bickslow hung off the real golden boy), and she was Mirajane's little sister, which carried a lot of weight too.

But when she arrived back from the dead, it was to an all new guild and all new people and her siblings, even, were different. Life didn't wait for you, while you were gone. It couldn't. Things moved on. They had to. He was sure she didn't blame them. How could she? It was through grace or fate or luck or, maybe, just sheer chance that Lisanna had been saved. Been given a second chance.

She had no right to complain about anything.

So she didn't. As far as he knew. Lisanna seemed just happy to be around, at any given point, and would spend time with anyone. Her brother seemed to be the only one that she'd go out on jobs with though and Mirajane was content, really, to have her just hang around the bar most days. Where she could glance at her. And grin. Because she was there. Lisanna. Alive. With them again.

She wasn't so clingy to Natsu in those days though. No. He was gone a lot, on jobs, and she was always friendly with most everyone in the hall, before her death, so it was only natural that she'd fall so simply back into that roll following her supposed revival. Or was it just a return?

It didn't matter. She seemed to not really wanna focus on it, up at the hall. She threw herself into whatever everyone else was into and drifted around the hall some, kind of glad to just take it all in again. As time went on though and days became years, she did find herself hanging around the Thunder God Tribe a lot.

This mainly had to do with Elfman and Ever's hot and cold antics which Lisanna enjoyed greatly because it gave her something to tease her older brother about. Not to mention giggle about with Mirajane. Evergreen usually didn't take well to other women, but she did see the benefits of Lisanna. Whether she and Elfman were off or on, it was great to have the youngest Strauss about to tell her every single thing the man was doing when they were apart.

Because she had to know.

Every single detail.

It was through this that Lisanna and Bickslow became friends. Sort of. She seemed to like Freed the most out of all of them and they would spend time together even when Ever or Elfman weren't around to torment, as Lisanna seemed to take great amusement out of the rune mage and his seriousness. He liked her as well. She listened to his complaints from jobs and seemed to understand the woes of leadership. Or at least was sympathetic to it.

Bickslow would hang about in times like that, occasionally, and it was a different dynamic, the one he and Lisanna formed with one another. She was goofy, underneath it all, and he had the same ailment, though he hid it beneath his dark surface, and they could cut up to the chagrin of Freed at times.

He wouldn't consider her a friend. Not really. Something more than an acquaintance and more, even, than the others in the hall. He liked Lisanna enough, the seith did, and he didn't mind too much one day when she sat down at the table with him, just him. They spoke and he drank and when it was time to close down that night, he mentioned that he wasn't headed home just yet and, since Mirajane still had to stay so late, closing up, he could walk her home. If she wanted.

"So you don't gotta wait for your sister," he explained and she almost rejected him, bringing up the fact that she was a super powerful mage too, you know, and could take care of herself, but…

They were having a pretty good conversation before that and it beat walking about in the cold all alone.

"What are you going to do?" Lisanna asked him eventually as they strolled through the dark, silent streets. "You said that you weren't going back home yet-"

"I'm not."

"Then-"

"Just go walk around the park some. Be a vagrant for a bit. Then go home. Smoke. Watch a movie."

"Long night."

"That's the goal."

She offered to go with him and Bickslow was kind of hesitant because, yeah, he wasn't minding his night up to that point, hanging out with Lisanna, but they were pushing some hours together by that point and they couldn't possibly force any more conversations.

Not to mention, he didn't know what her intentions were, exactly. But she seemed to just not want the night to end yet and they were guild mates. Friends, fine, yeah, whatever.

"I guess you can tag along," he gave him eventually with a bit of a shrug. "If you wanna."

"Only if you wanna, Lisanna," his dolls all insisted and she didn't drink, but was pretyt giggly in the late hour.

"But," the seith added as they changed their path then, her no longer leading and him taking over, "there is a rule."

"A rule, huh? Just to hang out in the park? At night?"

"Yeah."

"Gotta hear it then, I guess."

"Keep talkin'," he explained simply, "to a minimum, huh?"

She giggled at first, thinking this was some kind of joke, but when he just shook his head, she teased slightly, "Afraid of waking the ghosts?"

"Somethin' like that."

She giggled once more though and when they finally got to the park, the moon was high in the cloudless sky and it was kind of mystic out, it felt. Their conversation was dead, but neither he nor Lisanna seemed to feel any heaviness over this. Lisanna kept glancing up at it, the sky, and Bickslow found he kind of liked looking up there too.

"Stars are out," he muttered and she shot him a look before putting a finger to her sealed lips and, well, what could he do but tug at his visor and nod.

When the park got boring, Bickslow naturally headed home and he sort of forgot that he was supposed to take Lisanna back to hers until they were at his and he started to speak, but found the sound dying on his tongue and she was beaming at him because she was having a good time and didn't seem too exhausted either.

"Stay up late often? Kid?" he asked once they were inside because they officially weren't outside and that meant that the no talking ban was lifted. Still, he whispered it and Lisanna had been to his apartment before, once, when he had a party and Ever made him invite her and Elfman, but it was different just the two of them.

Everything felt different just the two of them.

"The best hours," she assured him in a hushed voice back. "You said something about a movie?"

Snickering, he could only nod his head. "If you're up for it."

They watched two, actually, that night, and as the second ended and the sky was turning that strange mix of deep purple and light blue, Lisanna dipped out finally. He offered through yawns to walk her back home, really walk her back home then, but she said she only wanted to get there before Mira took off for the morning shift.

"Hopefully," she sighed as she left, "she didn't notice I never made it in."

He'd found out when he rolled into the hall much later in the day, the evening really, to meet up with Freed and Evergreen, that Mira hadn't noticed. Lisanna told him this as she served him, just starting her shift for the night, and Freed questioned him as the Strauss woman left them, what exactly she was talking about, but the seith could only shrug.

"Maybe I hung out with Lisanna Strauss last night. Ever think of that, Freed?"

"No," his friend said with a shake of his head. "And I don't think I rather like the implications."

"Was a silent night, I'll tell ya that much."

"Please stop talking to me about this."

"Lots of hushed whispers."

"Bickslow-"

"Stars. I saw stars."

"I really wish you would find another person to discuss this with."

Bickslow didn't want to though.

He knew to cool it though, when Ever came about, because she might say something to stupid Elfman and then the joke would either get his ass kicked by the muscular man (an attempt, at least), as well as it getting back to Lisanna, which was the last thing he wanted.

Eventually, he found himself alone again, bothering others around the hall as he drank and waited. He wasn't sure for what. That night, he'd wanted to just go home and hang out in the darkness and decompress a bit. They would be heading out on their grueling jobs soon enough, him and his two best friends, maybe even Laxus, which meant that he should be prepping for that, but…

"I thought," he offered when Lisanna got off, "that I could walk ya home again. If you wanted."

She got off before closing (because Mirajane trusted no one to close up the place other than herself) and seemed eager at his suggestion and wow, it had never been this easy before. To get someone to actually hang out with him. Even Ever and Freed took a bit of convincing.

"I probably wouldn't be able to sleep," she offered as they left the place, "anyways."

"Never can," he agreed easily. "Better to sleep durin' the daylight, anyways. It's too bright for being out long."

"That's one reason, I guess, yeah," she sighed and he didn't press because, really, he didn't care much. Not then. He just wanted to get back to his place so that he could see how close, exactly, they were to having the same feelings about the night.

There would be no movies and no park. No. Only his music lacrima, lighting up, and deep self-reflection. He kind of thought Lisanna would bail on that one because there were no stars or silent comedies. But nope. As they sat about, he muttered some thoughts sometimes that she found funny enough and his babies glowed green, softly, in the darkness, to replace the stars as they were provided with before. She didn't even call his musical tastes crummy or nothin', like most people would. Like he would admit they would.

"It really," he told Freed as the man only groaned and prayed his face wouldn't show his embarrassment, the next time he saw the youngest Strauss sibling, "set the mood. The music. And we talked til the sun came up, after. Magical, really, it felt."

"I wish you had another friend."

He did.

But he couldn't tell her about it because she'd get all pissy. Ever thought she was the only one that could fuck a Strauss. And, well, she was, actually, but his story would imply otherwise and you couldn't have that.

They couldn't hang out again, for a bit, because he took off on his jobs and, when he returned, she was never around in the evening, it seemed. He heard something from Ever about she and her brother going off on a job, at one point, but other times he saw her hanging about with Natsu and Lucy and the like, so he just let her be.

Eventually, of course, the darkness found them both sitting around the hall, almost waiting for one another it seemed, and when he offered to walk her home, it was easy for the woman to accept.

They went to the park again that night, but they didn't walk around for long as, after picking out a spot, he and Lisanna fell onto their backs on the soft grass and they stared full up at the starry sky, silently, for a long time.

"Hey, Bickslow?"

"S'pused to be quiet," he muttered as he didn't even glance at her. "Lisanna."

"What do you think about? When you stare up at the stars?" She hummed some, softly, and said, "I think about how, probably, right now, they're looking up at the same ones. In Edolas. And in all other sorts of planets and worlds and… But I think I'm probably the only one."

She didn't think she'd get an answer back, he could tell, because she turned her gaze from him and back up at the sky. It was only then though the man spoke. His visor was pushed up and his hood was off and he felt the cool wind as it blew over them in ways he typically didn't.

"I remember," he told her softly, "when I was a kid. Lookin' at 'em. And my Papa told me that each one was a different universe all together. And when you're done on this one, you get to go hang out in one of those then. Billions of 'em, I bet. Just waiting. For you to try each one. You don't always get put back with the people you want, each time you go to a new one, and I bet that would suck, but he told me that sometimes, maybe, you do. All those combinations, you almost have to."

"I like that." She was looking at him again, he could feel it, but he wouldn't her. "Like… I'm not looking at the same stars as everyone I left back in Edolas; I'm looking at them. And they're looking at me."

Nodding some, he added, "But I wonder some times. When you do go on. When you do get to a new one. And maybe you do meet someone from one of the other billions you'd been to. Do you know? Or would that ruin it? Or do you just feel a connection to them, yeah? One you can't explain. That you don't understand. Until you're separated again. Just to hope you get it again. Maybe different, maybe not, but somethin' like what it was. Maybe that's why I'm friends with them. Freed and Ever. Why I like Laxus so much. Fairy Tail so much. Because I've been with you all before. We've all been with each other before. Or at least some of us with one or the other. Could you imagine that? I wonder if every tie we cross paths, all of us, do we raise as big a commotion as we do here? ON Earthland?"

She hummed in response before her eyes fell away from his face and onto his chest. His babies littered it, dormant it seemed, for the time being.

"Maybe," she whispered softly, "when you meet someone you knew before, that you connected before to, you don't have to leave them. Again. When it's your time to go. Maybe you get to go. And you wait on them. To join you. Like your dolls. Maybe they're people you knew, before or now, who are waiting on you to join them. And your magic just lets you see it. Let's you realize it. And the rest of us have no clue."

"Maybe," he agreed as he blinked. "Lisanna."

When the sky started to lighten and the stars began to fade, he wasn't shocked to find Lisanna snoozing. He'd heard her doing it for a good hour or two at that point. But he only reached over gently to shake her shoulder with a yawn as he got to his feet.

"Don't want someone catchin' ya, kid," is the best advice he could offer. "Sleepin' in a part. Leaves bad impressions."

Freed was the one with the jokes though, that time, when he and his friend met for dinner at the hall.

"And what things, then, did you and Lisanna get up to?" he questioned. He'd been there, when they left together, and though he squeezed his eyes shut and pretended not to notice, the horrible images that he was certain the seith would paint that evening were ingrained in his mind already, conjured up or not. "Hmm? What vague, graphic thing did the two of you-"

"Lisanna and I are friends," he told Freed simply and there was little play in his voice then. He said it in a rather commanding way too, as if affirming this to the rune mage who, obviously, had assumed them more by that point anyhow. Due, of course, to Bickslow's own boasting. "So maybe just lay off, huh?"

Freed frowned, but knew his friend to always be a bit off, so he didn't push the subject. It wasn't as if he were too keen to get into the nitty-gritty of it anyhow.

"If you wanted to do somethin', tomorrow night," Bickslow found himself asking Lisanna a few days later. Days. Because he met her during the day time, as she didn't seem to be around at night recently. But that day there she was, working bar through bleary eyes and he only rubbed at his own as he made an offer to her. "Then do you think that you could meet me in Hargeon? After sundown?"

He had no way of knowing if she was even planning on staying out late that specific night or whatever, but Lisanna nodded not soon after he spoke and it was set, the location and the time. All he had to do was make sure not to get drug out on a new job between then.

They had dinner together, given they met so early in the evening, in Hargeon and their conversation was light and jovial then, like it usually was, used to be more often, when they only spoke about teasing her brother and Ever, or giggled over Freed's serious nature.

After exploring the city until an unreasonable hour for most, they found themselves drifting towards the docks and Bickslow had already rented them a tiny row boat and it was kind of comical, really, maybe, the two of them paddling off into the night together. If they sprung a leak and both drowned, no one would ever be able to explain what exactly they were doing.

"Are we dating?" she asked after they'd rowed a good bit from the dock and where just sitting there, on the single piece of plywood that stretched between each sides. The bench. Seat. Neither knew enough about boats to know if it had a true name. They faced away from one another, though they were forced to touch one another, at the sides, and he looked out into the more ocean that awaited them forwards while she watched the glimmering city behind them. "Bickslow?"

"Not like any datin' I've ever done," he replied simply and she only shrugged some.

"You'd be the expert," she assured him as she reached with one hand, up, for one of his babies as it floated close enough. She didn't grab the floating doll out of the sky, but rather guided him then, down to her lap, where she only grinned down at him. To the doll's father though, she whispered, "Out of the two of us."

"Do you wanna date me?" It was foggy that night and he watched as it rolled over the waves around them. "Lisanna?"

She considered this in silence for a few before saying, "If this is what it is...dating… Then I wouldn't mind it, no. This is nice. I… I wanna keep doing this."

"Who said we had to stop?"

"No one. I was just-"

"It's good to talk, sometimes, kid," he told her with a bit of a sigh, "but other nights, I think, it's just better when we don't."

And she had to agree.

When he rowed them back to shore, the pair took the train back to Magnolia together as the sun came up, and it was almost blinding by the time they arrived, but she only yawned, heading one way as he did the other.

This went on for some time. This late night game they were playing. There was no pattern to it, no rhyme or reason, but as the season only got colder, they found themselves doing it more often than not inside of his apartment. Which was just as well. Lisanna could just as easily kill the early morning hours there as she could else where.

"Why don't you like to sleep at night?" he whispered one night as they sat there, on his bedroom floor, and his back was up against the bed while she laid before him, nearly there, really. Sleep. But not quite. He could tell as he puffed at his smoke and enjoyed the music. "Kid?"

"Something changed," she admitted to him softly and she didn't even think about it. Didn't hesitate. "When I went there. To Edolas. Not that place on it's own, but whatever happened to me, when I got sucked up, I think… I think maybe I felt it. Just for a minute or two. The darkness. What really comes for you. When you… Sometimes when I close my eyes, if I'm not really exhausted yet, then I won't be able to sleep so fast. You know? And then I have to think about it, as I shut them, and I don't… I hope your dad was right, Bickslow. That we get to go somewhere else. Other places. With or without people we knew before. Just...other worlds. That it keeps going. Infinitely. For all of us. Because if it doesn't...and what I saw, the darkness, is all there is… I just hope, I guess, is all."

"Yeah." And it burned that time, the inhale, but the exhale felt so good. So very good. "I hope too."

"Bickslow..."

"Hmm?"

"Maybe one day," she whispered as she drifted off, "we can go on a real date. Do you think? I don't even know what that means, but-"

"We will," he assured her,. "Lisanna. Promise."

"But still this too, right?"

"Yeah," he agreed and smiled some from the thought. "Can't sleep without it."

He never thought he'd find someone that would enjoy it as much as him. Those early morning hours. On top of that, someone he wasn't bored with. Because it wasn't a chase. He wasn't after Lisanna. It all just kind of...happened. And she wasn't into his face tattoo or too old to be so edgy attitude. She just liked to be around him. To talk about the same things as him. Listen to the same music. Snicker at the same movies. Sit, for hours, under the same billions of other universes that loomed above them.

To think, he was that old before he realized that's what he shouldda been looking for all along.

He kissed Lisanna for the first time when she left his apartment in the early dawn hours that next morning and she only giggled, there in his doorway, while he grinned and his dolls sang softly behind him, nonsensical and ready for bed it seemed, but to the amusement of the two people they were serenading.

Only, when he fell into bed after pulling his curtains closed and tossing a blanket over his head, he just couldn't fall asleep. His body wanted it. It needed it. But it was rejecting it as all he could think about, instead, was Lisanna and what they'd do, if they ever did go out. Really go out. Somewhere where everyone saw and what would Freed say, to learn that it wasn't nearly as whirlwind as he'd made it out to be, before? And that they were headed towards being, finally, much more than friends?

"Rough day?" the rune mage asked when, before the sun even began to set, Bickslow found himself staggering into the guild for a late lunch rather than an early dinner.

But he could only shake his head, Bickslow could, as he knew he'd have to turn in early that night. Especially if he was gonna get up bright and early the next day (well, by noon at the latest) and prepare for whatever and wherever, exactly, he was gonna surprise Lisanna with a date to.

"No," he ywaned to his friend as Freed only stared. "Not at all."

[froggydarren]

best-laid plans

Dylan O./Tyler H. || ~2k || G || AO3

Summary:  There's a plan for how he'll come out. Dylan had more meetings than he ever wanted to, all to make sure it goes smoothly. Best-laid plans and all.

A/N: Written for the @fullmoonficlet​ challenge - prompt #315: plan

There are meetings and emails and then some more meetings. Dylan hates how much of a production the whole thing is, but he knows that it's not something that's avoidable. He knew it years ago and it's the reason why it took him this long to get to the point where he's ready.

In private, he's been ready for far longer than anyone knows.

Julia was the first to figure it out. She didn't push him, didn't even ask, but he knew that she had an idea before he ever said anything. Then, when he showed up at Pride, she just sent him a text with a row of heart emojis. On the outside it could have looked like he was supporting her but they both knew the truth.

When he finally came out to her—and it was her, there was never any doubt that it would be—she just hugged him and kissed his cheek then took a rainbow pin off her bag and moved it to his jacket. She knew without Dylan saying anything that it wasn't as simple on the grand scale, so she pinned it on the underside of the jacket collar. That way, she said, you'll know it's there but no one else will until you’re ready.

It was just as easy with his parents, in the end. He was a lot more nervous about that one though rationally he knew he shouldn't be, not with how they accepted Jules. Still, it was a big secret to share and when his mom hugged him and his dad patted his shoulder, Dylan let himself breathe out and cry with relief.

What was a lot more complicated was being out in public. For the first while it didn't matter, it wasn't like he went on dates or put relationships on blast. Still, he knew the world he was living in still had massive hangups and way too many bigots for an industry that was supposed to be open-minded. He remembered what secrets did to Colton and what the fallout was, the quietness in the background and the lack of opportunities that followed his public declaration.

Dylan also knew that if anyone would understand his reluctance, it would be Hoechlin.

They never talked about it, despite the adjacent topics and the drama around their roles in Teen Wolf. Despite their friends' coming out moments and their unyielding support for those who were out—Colton, Charlie, others who made the step to go public—and those who were not as outspoken.

He always wondered a little why he never opened up to Tyler in the first place. He had plenty of opportunities, face to face and through their frequent phone calls and texts. Somehow it always felt like too much. Like saying that he's bi would open the floodgates and maybe put cracks in their friendship. He never thought that Tyler would judge him, but there was something he was worried about that gave him the answer.

His crush on Tyler. The one that he had from the day they met, the one that he didn't hide as well as he wanted to—Julia told him once that it was visible from space. The crush that could be brushed off as professional admiration and close friendship when the assumption and outward image still was that Dylan was as straight as they come. Telling Tyler that he wasn't, that he was into more than just girls, that would bring questions. Or at least that's what the devil on Dylan's shoulder kept telling him, despite the evidence to the contrary.

That was why his coming out wasn't something he mentioned any of the times when he and Hoechlin talked since Dylan started planning for it.

—

It's simple, in the end. The planning stage turns out a lot more exhausting and complicated than the final product, the end result of all the meetings and strategizing. After all the talking, it comes down to Dylan being interviewed and asked about his upcoming role in a movie, one that is a lot more high profile than his first non-straight role was. In that interview, he talks about having this in common with the character, being as bisexual as the man he's portraying on screen.

The calls come in the moment the interview goes live. Julia knew, of course, as did their parents. Dylan didn't tell anyone else though, so the barrage of people who call and text to say something is almost exhausting. They're all happy for him, glad that he is happy.

But there's radio silence from the one person whom Dylan was hoping to hear from. There's not even a text message or any sign of acknowledgment from Tyler. Dylan spends a week pretending he's not disappointed and the world keeps turning as the fallout from the interview slowly dissipates and other things take over the trending topics and front pages.

He's sitting at home and reading scripts that his agent dropped off when the doorbell rings.

When he opens the door, his heart stutters at the sight of Hoechlin, looking like he just walked off a plane and ran across the city to get here. He's flushed, sweaty, fingers tight on the strap of his backpack.

"Hi."

Dylan chuckles as they speak the greeting in unison but his heart is racing.

"So, uh," Tyler starts and immediately pauses, looking like his brain is trying to think about a million things at once. "I didn't know what to say."

There’s no need to explain what Tyler is referring to. Dylan steps aside and nods towards the apartment, then watches as Tyler walks in hesitantly, only a few steps inside like he's keeping an escape path open.

"You didn't need to say anything," Dylan says, closing the door but leaving it unlocked.

"I did. I should have, a long time ago. But I didn't know."

"You didn't know what?"

"I thought it was just me and I didn't want to make you uncomfortable," Tyler blurts out and his cheeks flush a deeper red.

"What?"

Dylan's mind is spinning in circles, bringing up thoughts that he let himself think a long time ago, thoughts he didn't dare say out loud because he figured they were just hopes and dreams that would never be real.

"I don't mean to make you uncomfortable now," Tyler continues like he missed Dylan's confusion. "And I didn't... I don't want you to think that I'm here only because you're out and... fuck, I don't know what I'm saying. I just, I never thought... and if there's any hope at all, I figured I should try."

"Hoech, what the fuck are you saying?"

"Fuck."

"Tyler."

"Shit, sorry, I know I'm not making any sense," Tyler says, cringing. "I thought about what to say on the way here, but then I saw you and I didn't... I forgot."

"Dude, if this is about the show and why we didn't do the thing..."

Dylan isn't sure why he's bringing up what was a sore spot in their past, but he can't think of anything else that it could be about. At least not anything realistic. It can't possibly be what he spent too much time hoping for.

"What? Fuck no," Tyler says. "No, that's water under the bridge. And that wasn't about either of us anyway."

"Well, I know that, but what is this about?" Dylan asks, waving a hand at Tyler.

He watches as emotions flash over Tyler's face, as he cringes and frowns, then as determination sets into his features.

"I'm gay."

The words fall into the silence between them and Dylan's brain screeches to a halt.

"What?"

Confusion seems to be the theme of the day, but Dylan is stumped. They're words that he never thought he'd hear from Hoechlin, never figured them a possibility. If anything—in his wildest dreams—he hoped for Hoechlin coming out as bi or just making an exception for Dylan.

"Look, I know this sounds like I'm just jumping the bandwagon, but I've known—" Tyler breathes out like he forgot to for a little while, then he inhales deeply before he speaks again. "I've known longer than I even admitted it to myself. It just... it's not been a thing I could be open about before."

"You could have with me," Dylan says quietly, then quickly adds, "and with Colton."

"I know. And well, Colton knows, I think," Tyler admits in a whisper, his cheeks turning red. "He didn't say, but if anyone knows..."

"Colton knows," Dylan tells him with a nod. "He may have hinted at my being bi before Jules figured it out."

Tyler chuckles and then his eyes dart toward the door.

"So, why are you here, Hoech?"

Dylan figures that direct is the way to go. He doesn't really feel like letting his mind wander and his hopes to fly too high.

"Okay. Right."

"Hoech."

"Yeah, I... give me a second," Tyler says and then he meets Dylan's eyes again. "I like you. Fuck, this sounds like I'm a middle schooler. Maybe I should have had a note like the kind kids do."

"You're rambling," Dylan says, his heart racing in anticipation.

"I am. Might be a little nervous."

"So. You like me," Dylan repeats just to make the words real. "Like, what way?"

Tyler's face turns even more red than it already was.

"Like I hoped we'd get to kiss on set because I thought about doing it ever since that boat interview. Sooner, maybe."

Dylan's world comes crashing down around him. It's not in a bad way, he just takes a moment to reassess a lot of the things he believed for a long time. He doesn't look away from Tyler as he processes the new information, a little afraid that if he does, Tyler's going to bolt.

"Oh."

The word slips from Dylan's lips after too long a pause.

"Look, I'm sorry," Tyler says almost immediately. "This was stupid. I don't know what I was thinking dropping this on you. I just thought—"

"Me too," Dylan says, but it's not to what Tyler just said, it's to the sentence before, the one about the past.

"What?"

"Me too. I mean, I wasn't completely sure then yet," Dylan explains. "But I've had a thing for you from pretty much the first day we met. It took a while to figure out that's what it was though."

"What?"

Dylan figures that the expression that he's seeing in Tyler's face must be the same as his was only moments ago.

"I only really knew after you left. When I missed not having you on set," he adds to his explanation.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

They both fall into silence then but neither looks away. Dylan wants to do something, anything, but he doesn't want to jump the gun and move, worried that if he does he'll wake up and this will have been just a dream.

"So, with that said," Tyler says, breaking the tension. "What now?"

Dylan chuckles and that shakes off the anxiety that's been swirling in his chest. It's such a simple question and yet there is no answer that doesn't bring complications and chaos.

"Now like, right now, or now as in where do we go from here?"

Tyler shrugs. "Both," he says. "Right now I kind of really want to kiss you, but I also want to know if I can take you out for dinner or cook for you or whatever."

"Oh for fuck's sake," Dylan groans and moves forward, closing the gap between them. "You can't just... don't go stupid romantic on me, Hoech. I'm absolutely on board with the kissing thing, though."

"Don't wanna be wined and dined?"

"Don't wanna pose for paps while we're trying to eat, to be honest," Dylan says, smiling, as he tugs Tyler's fingers off of his backpack strap so he can link his own with then. "We can talk dining later. After kissing."

"I can deal with that," Tyler says and leans in.

When his lips brush over Dylan's, there's a spark, like electricity courses between them. Dylan feels his palms sweat and his heart race as he leans into the kiss, his free hand snaking around Tyler's waist. It's almost like they've been kissing for years—natural, simple, but still exhilarating and good, so good—the way they move without needing to coordinate or adjust. Tyler's taller than anyone Dylan dated before, which is a strange thought to have but yet it's the only clear one on Dylan's mind. Everything else vanishes as they kiss.

When they finally pull their lips apart, Dylan leans his forehead against Tyler's and smiles, then takes a deep steadying breath.

"So, uh, we're good at that part," he says.

"Seems so, yeah."

"You wanna talk about what's next?" Dylan asks, straightening his back and looking into Tyler's eyes.

For a beat, there's a teasing glint and the corner of Tyler's lips twitches. Dylan's about to say something about rushing things when Tyler speaks again.

"Not the right now next, though I hope there's more kissing soon," he tells Dylan. "Near future next though. Because you're out but I'm not and I don't know how public you want this to be. If it's anything other than just, well, this."

"It better be. And as private as possible would be great for me," Dylan says. "Do you want to be out?"

"I do." Tyler nods. "I wouldn't want to be a dirty little secret."

"Well, that might be fun. But exhausting." Dylan sighs. "You know, you're kind of derailing my plans here. That interview was supposed to be all of my effort to go public."

"I'm sorry," Tyler says, looking apologetic and contrite.

"Don't be. I've got the hard part out of the way, this is going to be good," Dylan tells him and leans in for another kiss, only a fleeting and soft one this time. "Let's leave the near future next for tomorrow. You said something about dining?"

"How do you feel about homemade nuggets?" Tyler asks, following the cue without hesitation.

Dylan grins and nods. Then he squeezes Tyler's hand and keeps smiling as Tyler launches into a ramble about what he'll need to make dinner.

All in all, despite this not being part of Dylan's plan, it's better than anything he dreamed of.

[calleo-bricriu]

Well, the book is finally getting into the title’s namesake, even if the definition of “pervert” so far is pretty tame.

This book, if you’ve missed it so far.

Oh, and even though I didn’t bother getting into chapter 13, I did skim the first page and had one of those, “Well, there it is, what he’s been hinting at the entire time with the descriptions of Mizpra.”:  “Her maternal and reproductive instincts had been starved and enfeebled by a life of wrong training and misdirected study, augmented by the unphysiologic life of the disappointed femme sole, and environed by the false and unhealthy ideas of the New England women suffragists."

So, Mizpra, basically:

Anyway, on to the chapters I did force myself through.

Chapter 10!

Three week time skip where Leigh had himself locked away in what amounts to a drunk tank despite the fact that he hadn't gone out drinking.

Also, he apparently didn't eat OR drink (anything) for those three weeks which is one of those sorts of things that, if you tried to do it, you would actually die.

Alas, I'm not so lucky. Leigh is still alive to bore us for a few hundred more pages.

No surprise he's having wild ass mood swings, not eating or drinking or sleeping for three weeks. Surprised he remembers his name is Leigh at this point. Thankfully, the author has remembered and rambled on for a good ten or so pages about how we should all feel sorry for the tortured genius of Leigh.

I realised another reason I dislike Leigh: He smokes cigars, and I just hate the smell of cigar smoke so not only do I have to hear this moron pretend he's a genius philosopher in my own head as I read this book, I can now also smell him while he's doing it.

Anyway, skipping the dozens of pages that have nothing to do with the plot and are Leigh going on about how he thinks religious people are stupid and why he's so smart and so burdened under the weight of all of his absolute genius.

A genius wouldn't name their kid Mops, as an aside.

Skipping more pages of an irrelevant exchange between some guy outside trying to sneak some guy inside some alcohol.

Now we're up to some thing about a Catholic woman who's gone off the rails, is fully nude because that's a relevant thing to bring up you creep, and is very clearly mentally ill and is locked up. Of course they want Dr. Bell and Leigh (who, I might remind everyone at this point, is still technically inpatient at this place) to see her because geniuses or something.

Don't care, not relevant to the plot. We get it, Leigh, you're a genius.

"She then uttered a string of filthy pornographic oaths that would have put Emulphus to shame." and the author isn't going to share a single one with us.

So, Leigh the genius, declares this naked raving woman perfectly fine and says she--just needs a cold bath. Okay.

So that's the end of chapter ten.

Chapter 11:

Leigh is back home and his wife is not concerned abou tany of this, only "exceedingly interested" in hearing about his struggle with his "other self".

This makes her, in the author's judgement, reasonable.

Obera is, however, getting really antsy to get Mizpra killed, so there's that.

Rev. Bell comes to visit and as part of his groveling hello, "I have heard your pæans shouted from the housetops, and have been anxious to meet such a well-known man." I already dislike him.

Also, sin is the root cause of all illness. Of course Leigh had to go on and on about that so he could be sure it was still clear that he is, in fact, a genius in every way.

10 pages and he's still talking about that.

All right, so Leigh finally said one reasonable thing: "The words 'insanity' and 'insane' should disappear from our scientific vernacular, as they carry with them an atomsphere of medieval superstition and prejudice. There should be no distinction drawn between a person ill with typhoid fever, consumption, or any other physical disease and one ill from disease of the brain; it is only a difference of the organ affected."

Probably the only reasonable thing he'll say.

So, he finally shuts up and Rev. Bald tries to ask him to hang out outside of the house sometime and gets immediately shut down by Obera going with, "Dr. Newcomber prefers his home and books," and he just sort of parrots that back as well.

Obera asks Leigh what he thought of Rev. Bald and gets, "He is an ecclesiastical bunco steerer," and she tells him he's not allowed to hang out with the guy because of--the thing with Mizpra trying to straight up murder Mops.

He tells Obera not to blame Mizpra because "she is not morally responsible" due to being mentally ill, which is all good and well, but she did try to murder a child and should maybe be made to take a tiny bit of responsibility for that.

His solution is to send Obera and Mops away. Cool.

Dr. Bell visits the next morning to tell him the hysterical naked woman ran off with "our big Swede, Andersen. He was a mere animal. We kept him under control by giving him the furnaces to attend".

Turns out, the naked raving woman was relevant as it was Leigh's sister, Marcia and he's not--at all concerned by any of this, just, "Eh, oh yeah, I forgot to mention, she's my sister and she's fucking bonkers, it's no big deal."

And that's chapter 11.

Back to Mizpra for Chapter 12.

"To stand upon the wreck of her brothers and sisters, offering them enough assistance to prolong their misery, was her ambition." Settle down a little Mizpra.

She decides they should all go to Chicago to look at real estate instead of to California, then sort of goes on for awhile about how real estate agents are all crooks.

Long rambling introspection to determine that her mother's side of the family "suffered from weak arteries in advanced years" (like everyone else?) which made her prone to having a stroke or three and that she's arthritic.

So the switch to going to Chicago was to "keep her mother in a low altitude for a few days, then rush her rapidly up the Rockies" hoping to trigger a stroke that would HOPEFULLY not be fatal and if she did die, oh well, can't murder someone by stroke, so she'd not be arrested.

"She must witness torture and cause pain. This was her life." That's the intro for a good few pages of Mizpra thinking over all sorts of torture scenes from mythology which I'm sure are meant to be shocking but the author is what the author is and there's not much for detail. You'd get more detail reading the actual myths.

At the end of that she decides not to throw diphtheria infected toys at Mops anymore and she's going to aim straight at Obera with some method she'd seen but we're not told yet.

Great.

Oh, it's just anthrax.

I was hoping for something a little more creative than more small scale biological warfare.

Trying to murder people by sending disease via post seems to be some sort of fetish for Mizpra.

By now Burke is getting kind of annoyed that Mizpra is treating him like a secretary and errand boy but, honestly Burke, she basically told you that was the arrangement from the start, why are you surprised?

"Burke Wood was one of those unfortunate bipeds whom men despise, women hate, and the females of pervasive instincts employ as useful adjuncts to their much-scorned skirts." Well, we all know what the author thinks of Burke now. Also, all we’ve seen from Burke so far is that he’s a genuinely decent guy who adores Mizpra.

So mom comes in and asks Mizpra if she thinks she's treating that poor idiot Burke correctly and we find out that she somehow made this man with no training her LAWYER not just her secretary. Anyway, her mother reminds her if she keeps being nasty to him he's probably just going to leave her.

Then it just gets weird with her mom trying to not so subtly hint she needs to start with the sex where Burke is concerned and reminds Mizpra that she has "sex instincts".

Not the sort of conversation I'd want to have with my mother and, apparently, Mizpra doesn't want to have it with hers either. She brushes it off and tries to change the topic but this is what mother wants to talk about tonight so here we go.

"I preferred to see you enthusiastic over the dissection of a cat rather than playing with feminine foibles," what is this family even? Well, she regrets doing that now because apparently she's even noticing that Mizpra has some--interesting--obsessions.

Now even her mother is remarking on Mizpra's big, coarse, bony, manly hands. No wonder Mizpra has bizarre anger issues.

Mother figures out, finally, that Mizpra doesn't love Burke and isn't even remotely attracted to him like everyone but her and Burke figured that out at the wedding.

What mom's concerned about is that Mizpra doesn't want to fuck Burke; mom needs to mind her business, and this is not her business.

The problem, of course, is that Mizpra has had TOO MUCH education not that all we've seen of her is everyone else going on about how ugly and mannish she is.

I don't really want to read this old woman lecturing Mizpra on how she needs to fuck more then maybe she'd be happier.

So Burke interrupts them as Mizpra sent him to pick out some books she might like to read and pack the rest, and he interrupted to ask about one and we find out that if the "History of Flagellation does not meet with your approval, then it is because you do not understand the degredation of the woman of the past and my efforts for her enthronment in the future."

She then orders him to sit down then just kind of jerks his head back (with those big ol' coarse, manly hands of hers) and STARES at him before kind of sarcastically asking if he sees "anything but love" in her eyes then gives some, "Sorry if I've been cruel, I'm worried about my mother."

...then she tries to hypnotise him to sleep only she does it...loudly. While holding his eyes shut with her fingers.

To test some of that, she takes her scarf pin (which was holding together her, of course, “masculine necktie”) and jabs him in the forehead with it, then pierces his ears with it, then opened one eye and just jabbed her finger onto it so apparently holding someone's eyes shut then loudly commanding them to--be hypnotised works.

On Burke, at least.

She could have given him earrings or something.

Anyway, she then stabs the pin through his entire cheek then decided this is all making her way too horny and runs off to the sink to dunk her entire head into cold water.

So Mizpra's got a fetish.

For stabbing sleeping men with scarf pins.

I'm going to just stop here.

[fortomorrowmayrain-blog1]

An unnamed short fic with Brian May (I forgot to give this a title whoops)

Summary: You find out your boyfriend is married and Brian helps you come to terms with it (plus some admissions of love, perhaps? 😉)

Warnings: none but fluff :)

You sighed when the phone rang and tried to wipe your tears away, but a sob escaped your throat despite desperately attempting to keep it at bay.

“Hi,” you murmured into the phone, curling up against the wall, dropping to the floor.

When you were sad like this, there wasn’t really anything you could do other than ride it out.

“Hello, love, it’s me,” your best friend Brian greeted sweetly.

Typically his voice could relax you like no one else’s ever could, but in the moment you were missing him so badly that his voice only reminded you of the fact that he wasn’t there and hadn’t been for a month. You couldn’t handle all the horrible bullshit going on in your life without him.

“Hey, Bri,” you whispered, trying to hold back your tears but failing completely.

“Are you crying?” Brian worried and you could almost see the look of concern on his face.

“...No,” you quietly lied, leaning your head back and closing your eyes.

“You are, darling, I can hear you,” your friend argued gently, “Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong, y/n? I can help you.”

“I’m just sad. I wish you were here,” you finally admitted, clearly devastated, but not sharing the main reason for your distress.

“I miss you, too. But i don’t think that’s the whole story,” Brian gently debated and you bit your lip hard. He could read you like a book.

“When are you going to be home? Soon right?” you quickly changed topic. You didn’t miss a sigh from Brian, but he responded anyway, “Yes, love. tomorrow. Will you be okay until then?”

You nodded before realizing that the guitarist couldn’t see. “I think so,” you whispered.

“What happened, y/n?”

“I—“ your voice stuttered to a stop as another sob escaped your lips. “Oh no, darling,” he fussed, clearly concerned for you, “something bad, then?”

“My stupid boyfriend, I mean, ex-boyfriend, I guess. He’s been...it’s so ridiculous, I didn’t even really love him, I shouldn’t care so much,” you reprimanded yourself quietly, but Brian wouldn’t have any of it.

“Don’t do that. You’re allowed to be upset. I don’t know what he did but clearly it was bad. Tell me, love, so I can make things better. I can at least try,” he gently urged.

“He’s fucking married, Brian! I’m the other woman! I feel so goddamn stupid. And awful for his poor wife! I didn’t mean to. I didn’t know, Bri! I-I, she hates me! What the hell am i going to do? I was a literal mistress,” you sobbed, deeply ashamed and fucking angry and just totally miserable

“...I am so sorry, y/n. This situation is just horrible, I’ll admit. You can’t blame yourself though, love, you didn’t know. He didn’t tell you, the fucking wanker. He’s in the wrong, certainly not you.”

“He has a kid, Brian! Oh god, I’m a fucking whore! A home wrecker!” you whimpered.

“No, no, no, we’re not doing that, okay? Don’t call yourself names. You didn’t do anything wrong. Believe me, okay? I would never lie to you,” he murmured and you could hear the sad smile in his voice.

“I know. But...I just, I should have known better,” you stubbornly argued, picking at your nail polish angrily.

“Nonsense,” Brian kindly brushed you off, “There’s no possible way you could have known. When you care about someone, you often overlook their faults.”

You sighed. Brian was right of course (he pretty much always was), but you still couldn’t shake the idea that this was all your fault.

“I’ll be home early, 10:30 I think. I’ll head to your place as soon as we land, I promise. Just, hang in there, y/n. Try to sleep in; enjoy your night as best as you can. We can think about this mess more when we’re face to face,” he offered kindly and you would have smiled if you weren’t so distraught.

“Okay.”

“Get some rest, alright?” Brian urged again and you smiled a little at his constant need to take care of you.

“I will. See you soon, Bri.”

You sunk into your bed, wrapping the covers around your body and tried to ignore how fucking shitty you felt. One thought, however, kept you feeling somewhat positive: at least Brian would be home tomorrow.

He’d know what to say. He always did.

xxxx

You hadn’t realized how late you slept in until you heard somebody in your kitchen.

You panicked for a moment, then remembered last night’s conversation. Brian’s home.

Your face lit up into a grin and you quickly threw on a robe as you rushed down the stairs only to see Brian singing softly as he made you breakfast.

It was beyond sweet and you already felt tears pricking at your eyes. You bolted towards him, throwing your arms around him from behind and resting your face against the back of his neck.

He laughed and it made you feel a thousand times lighter; Brian’s laugh always did that to you. There was just something about the way his face lit up, and even though you couldn’t see it in that moment, you knew his smile was bright.

“Hello, y/n. I missed you too,” he greeted amusedly as he turned towards you, pulling back for a moment only to hug you even closer.

You didn’t say anything. You couldn’t. You just wanted him to hold you forever.

Unfortunately, the half made scrambled eggs drew his attention and he pulled away, but not until he pressed his lips to your forehead gently and ran a careful hand through your hair.

“You want eggs?” he asked warmly and you nodded with a shy smile.

“I can finish up making them,” you offered but he waved you off in an instant.

“No way, love. Today’s all about you,” Brian promised and your heart fluttered a little in your chest. Your gorgeous best friend had been your secret crush for years at that point. But you’d never told him.

Brian was far beyond your league, and he’d never want you like that, you were certain. So you just brushed the romantic feelings aside and tried to replace them with platonic appreciation.

He filled you in on details of the tour, making sure to tell you about all of the shenanigans the boys had been up to which had you giggling so much you were in tears for a different reason. A much better one.

Once he was finished with your food, he put a plate down in front of you, kissing your cheek as he did so, then sat down beside you.

Ah. The serious part of the conversation that you were dreading oh so much.

“Are you okay, y/n?” Brian murmured.

His hand reached out to rest on your knee and you internally scolded yourself for allowing your mind to escape to a far dirtier place than it should have.

“Mmhmm. Fine,” you whispered, avoiding eye contact as if your life depended on it.

“How did you find out?” he wondered aloud and you flinched at the very memory.

“Um. I called his place. She picked up. I—I tried to convince her that I really didn’t know about them, but she wouldn’t believe me. She was fucking furious. Just absolutely pissed, rightfully so, of course, but she just exploded at me. A-and i never meant to hurt anyone, really!” you finally rambled, looking to Brian with pleading eyes, praying he’d believe you.

“I know, darling. You got hurt too. Remember that. You don’t want to be in this position as much as his wife doesn’t want to be. He hurt his wife. And he hurt you. This isn’t your fault,” Brian calmly informed you as he lovingly wrapped you up in his arms.

Tears were leaking from the corners of your eyes yet again and it infuriated you because you just wanted to stop fucking crying.

“He, um, he doesn’t know I know, yet. At least, i don’t think he does. But I’m too scared to call him and break up with him,” you admitted in a tiny voice.

Brian simply nodded his understanding, then got up and made his way to the telephone.

“What’s his number?” he asked simply, as if it were the obvious solution.

“No, Bri, don’t be crazy. You can’t call him!”

“Y/n it’s fine. It’s perfect, really. That way you don’t have to talk to him, but you can still break up with him. Through me,” he replied brightly, clearly thinking it was the best idea ever.

“Um. I dunno, Bri. He’s not always...nice,” you admitted, which made your friend clench his fist in response.

“He’s not nice to you?” Brian confirmed and you could hear the anger in his voice clear as day.

“I just...I just mean that...fuck, Brian, can we please just talk about this another day?” you finally mumbled with tears pricking at your eyes yet again.

Brian softened immediately at the anguished look on your face.

“Of course, love. You know...there are guys who will treat you right. With respect. There are guys who will worship you,” Brian said quietly, cheeks reddening as if he were admitting something.

Was he?

You brushed the thought aside and laughed bitterly, “Uh huh. And if you can find this magical guy, please let me know.”

“I...um,” he swallowed uncomfortably and suddenly neither of you could breathe properly.

“Me,” he finally finished, looking up at you with obvious fear, but also unending love and affection in his eyes.

“You, what?” was your clumsy response and Brian actually laughed a little.

“I would treat you right,” he clarified and you sucked in a breath, nervous that you were still misunderstanding.

“I know, Bri. You do treat me right,” you agreed and Brian looked like he wanted to cry from your lack of understanding.

But he just continued on carefully, “No, y/n. I would treat you right as your boyfriend. And I would never make you feel like this.”

His hand rested against your cheek as his thumb gently caressed you. You were speechless.

“I—Brian, I’m in love with you.”

He grinned as your fingers tangled into his wild curls and he nodded, softly whispering, “Good. Because I’ve been in love with you for years.”

“So kiss me,” you challenged with a wobbly smile.

“You don’t have to ask me twice.”

[grayson-dolans-dangly-earring]

Fireworks (G.D.)

Hello babies! This fic idea was requested by the lovely @simplykiersten and I just wanted to apologize for the long wait on this! I had a lot of work drama to deal with and she was so patient with me! her request was for a fic where gray and y/n are broken up but they see each other at a firework show and they get back together, so here it is!

@bouttogolinkurbitch @dolanoodle @heathendolan @scandalousdolan @justanotherdolanblog @notanotherdolantwinsblog @profanitydolan @spiffydolan @coconutethan @libragrayson @ethansbbyg @mintdolans @chaaandlaah @dolandreaminn @idk-dolans @lanadeldolans @lanelessdolan @kara-dolan @jocelynnnnn10 @dolantwins-1999 @rockstardolan @thedolansss @doltishdolans @sisterdolan

Every year my hometown had a big block party in the center of town. It was a free all day event consisting of barbeques, swimming, live music, and at the end a huge firework show. And thats where I met Grayson.

Grayson was the love of my life. We met at the block party five years ago after his family moved to town. It was my sophomore year of high school and I was more than ready to find a nice boy in town to go out with but no one in my school really appealed to me. Then Grayson and his twin brother Ethan came to town. They were by far the hottest boys me and my friends had ever seen. I had heard the whispers about them around school and seen the pictures but I hadn’t seen them in person yet. But that year’s block party changed everything.

My friends and I had a tradition of paying the kids who came home to visit from college, to get us a bottle of Malibu rum so we could make mixed drinks for the block party (without our parents knowledge of course). As I was sipping my third Malibu Bay Breeze strolling around the block party looking for my friends, I ran into a solid wall of muscle. As I did, I spilled my entire drink down the front of the person’s shirt. When I looked up I realized it was him. The infamous Grayson Dolan. I was already pretty tipsy but I was sure it was him. “It’s you. Fuck. It’s really you! God damn you’re WAY hotter than Rachel let me believe. Nice work Mr. and Mrs. Dolan!” I said. Grayson let out a deep laugh that seemed to last forever. “Fuck! I said that out loud didn’t I?! Oh I’m really sorry about the shirt. You can take it off if you want. I mean-jesus christ what am I doing?!” I rambled, quickly slapping my hand over my mouth.

By this point Grayson was doubled over with laughter and all I could do was join him. Once we both caught our breath, he slipped his shirt over his head and threw it in the nearest garbage can. His whole body was so beautifully tanned and muscles rippled beneath his skin. When he turned back to me I quickly turned my head and he swiped my cup and chugged the rest of my drink. “Hey!” I shouted. He grinned down at my pouting face. “Mmm. Tastes like coconut. I like coconut. And I think I like you.” He said. I blushed and tried not to grin. Grayson and I made a plan to meet back up at the park later that night for the firework show, and thats exactly what we did.

That night we watched the fireworks and Grayson kissed me for the first time. After that we were together and deeply in love for the rest of high school. Toward the end of our senior year our plans of going to California for college together, were crushed. Grayson’s father got diagnosed with cancer and Gray decided he couldn’t leave. I understood his decision but I tried so hard to convince him that a long distance relationship could work. But he didn’t want that. He claimed he would only hold me back and he didn’t want me to miss out on the college experience. I told him he was a coward for not even trying to make this work. I regretted my words but they were out there. Grayson lashed out and said the worst thing he could have in that moment. His words haunted me every day after that. “Y/N I never really even loved you. At least not how you love me. I kept you around to pass the time. Thats it. You don’t mean as much to me as you think you do. Get out.”  After that I ran from his house and never looked back. I threw everything that reminded me of him in a box and shoved it into my closet. In a few short weeks I had packed up my entire life and was on a plane to California to begin my new life, and I left Grayson and his horrible words behind.

But now I find myself back in my hometown. I had finished college and I was back in town to move back in with my parents until my new house was move-in ready. I was loading the last box into the house when I realized, tonight was the annual block party. I knew my parents would try to guilt me into going but I really didn’t want to. I decided to not even bring the topic up, and take a shower and get ready for a night of drinking wine and watching Harry Potter until I passed out. I grabbed a towel from the hall closet and went to take a shower.

When I went to my room to change I realized that all my clothes were still being shipped from california and wouldn’t arrive until tomorrow. “Shit!” I shouted. “Honey? You okay?” My mom asked from the doorway. “Yeah I’m okay. I just forgot I have no clothes until tomorrow.” I said rummaging through my carry on bag from the plane, finding a pair of leggings but no shirt. “Oh sweetie there's a box in your closet of stuff you left when you left for college. Maybe theres something in there? Hurry up now. I expect to see you at the block party in an hour. No excuses missy.” My mom said with a smile before leaving my room. I went to the closet and pulled out the box. I pulled off the lid and it felt like a punch in the chest. It was my Grayson box and right on top was his sweatshirt I used to wear. Tears pricked at my eyes as I lifted the hoodie and brought it to my nose. It still smelled like him. Unfortunately it was the only piece of clothing in there so it would have to do. I slipped it on and immediately started to cry. It felt like coming home.

If I was going to get through this block party I was going to need some help. I went to the liquor cabinet downstairs and found my mom’s bottle of Malibu rum. Just like old times. I poured it straight with no mixers into a cup with a lid and a reusable straw. I slipped on my nikes and started walking to the block party, cup in hand.

After a few hours of chatting with old friends, it started to get dark and I decided to head home. I couldn’t stay for the fireworks. Fireworks were our thing and even thinking about watching them without Grayson made my heart hurt. I turned to leave and ran into someone’s chest and knocked my glasses off. I bent down to grab them,an apology already spilling from my lips. “Oh! I’m so sorry! I normally am more observ-” My apology was cut short as I looked up. It was Grayson. He was just as beautiful as I remembered. “At least it wasn’t the drink this time.” He said with a soft laugh. I stood there like a deer in headlights. “I-I I think I’m gonna be sick. I gotta go.” I stuttered before I broke off into a sprint in the opposite direction. I didn’t know where I was going, all I knew was I had to get the fuck out of there. The rum in my cup sloshed against the lid and I mentally patted myself on the back for the smart cup choice. I skidded to a stop in the middle of the woods off the edge of the park, taking a big sip of my drink. I heard footsteps behind me and I whirled around to see Grayson walking through the woods right behind me. “Y/N you know you could never outrun me. I don’t even know why you tried.” He chuckled.

“You want to know why I ran?! Because I can’t stand the thought of being near you! I decided to stop breaking my heart over you a long time ago Grayson! You have no idea what the hell it’s like being near the person who told you they never loved you! You destroyed me Grayson and I’ll be damned if I EVER let you do it again!” I screamed, tears running down my face. I launched my cup at the nearest tree and it shattered and fell to the ground. “Jesus! Relax Y/N! You’re acting insane!” Grayson’s voice boomed through the woods. “NO! You don’t get to tell me what to do or how to feel anymore! You did this to me and you’re just mad you have to see what you’ve done! How does it feel seeing the aftermath of what you did? Does it sting? I hope it does but it will never compare to the pain I carry around every day! And you know what the worst part is? I never stopped loving you! Not once! You said you wanted me to have “the full college experience” and guess what? I didn’t even get that because even the thought of someone touching me the way you used to, made me fucking sick! And I know this might seem like me flying off the handle but this is everything I never got to tell you! I never got my chance to speak because you hurled the worst words at me and told me to get out and this is every fucking thing I’ve ever wanted to say to you spilling out at once! I hate you for what you said and I hate you for pushing me away! But the sickest part of it all is I loved you and cared for you so much that I let your words ruin my life! And I hate myself more than I could EVER hate you!” I screamed until my voice was more of a growl than anything. All the angry energy drained out of me and crumpled to my knees in the dirt.

After what felt like hours Grayson finally spoke. “Y/N I want you to know that I’m sorry.” I scoffed at him before he continued. “No I’m serious. Just please hear me out. I never meant what I said to you that night. I just didn’t know what else to do to push you to go to California. It was always your dream and I knew that. But I also knew you loved me so much that you would give it up to stay here with me and I could never live with myself if you did that. So I said some awful things to you so you would leave. It hurt so much to lie to you like that. And it hurt even more that I knew I would never be with you again. But when you left my Dad just kept telling me “Son, you loved her so you let her go. If it’s meant to be, she’ll come back to you.” and I believed that. I had to or I would go insane. So when I saw you tonight I figured this was it, you were coming back to me and I could finally fix everything. And then you ran from me. Thats when I knew I really fucked up. But I swear to you I never meant any of those horrible things. I love you so much.” In the time that Grayson was speaking he had made his way over to me and sat down next to me.

I turned to look at him and I could see it in his eyes that he meant every word. “I love you too Gray. I always have.” I whispered. I rested my head on his shoulder. “I never would have said those things if I knew you would always be hurting like this.” He said in a hushed voice. “Will you give me another chance? I swear I will spend every day for the rest of my life making up for the pain I caused you.” Grayson asked, taking my hand in his. Overhead the fireworks had just begun. “Fireworks were always our thing. I think thats the universe telling me to take a chance on you.” I said, looking into his eyes. “Is that a yes?” He whispered. “Yes Grayson. I’ll give you a second chance.” I murmured.

Grayson’s face lit up and he smiled wider than I had ever seen. He leaned forward and kissed me. After the kiss he rested his forehead on mine and smiled as he said “Tastes like coconut. I like coconut. And I love you.”

THE END

[imagineaworlds]

(2) brandewyn

summary: Thais Bolton lives in the OASIS. Well, sort of. Her dream is to one day live in the OASIS as Brandewyn with her best friend Wade. But he’s more concerned with the three keys James Halliday left behind after his death. The two of them embark on a familiar journey through the OASIS to save it from corporate assholes who want to take it away.

pairing: wade watts x female!oc

word count: 3,083

warnings: cursing. mention of death. mention and description of illness. 

a/n: damn, it’s only chapter 2 and we’re already getting angsty. shit. also, i’m super bad about always mixing book and movie facts... i haven’t read the book, but wiki’s are a great thing sometimes.

(1) - (2) - (3) - (4)

For dinner, Wade and I sat on the car atop the pile of trash while eating sandwiches an entire bag of Doritos between the two of us. Wade couldn’t stop talking about Art3mis, and I couldn’t stop listening. I was excited that he was excited. The thought of becoming friends with Art3mis was now burned into Wade’s mind, and he was itching to see it happen.

He asked me why I left the OASIS so early, and why I freaked out during the race. Despite how close the two of us were, there were only a few things we kept hidden from each other. I never told him about my mom getting sick, or my strong fear of the race. I gave the Copper Key race another shot for Wade, but I couldn’t tell him that… So I told him I had to go grocery shopping and during the race I just was scared of zero-ing out. Wade nodded understandingly, and accepting the lie.

Sometimes it hurt me to not tell Wade the truth about my mom, but she loved him like a son, and she wanted to protect him. Of course I understood, so even after four months, Wade still didn’t know.

“I saw Soyzie,” I changed the topic before taking another bite of my sandwich. “I still can’t get her to tell me how she got the Rosalina skin.”

“I think you look badass in your Molly Ringwald from The Breakfast Club take on Sarah Connor. It’s just weird enough that it works.” He was teasing me, and I hit his arm.

It wasn’t meant to be Molly Ringwald… I just liked the red hair and the pink Sarah Connor outfit. But at the end of the day, he was right, it did look like Molly Ringwald played Sarah Connor in The Terminator. I had been meaning to change it for the longest time, but I kept pushing it off until I forgot about it.

After we finished our small meals and the sun went down, Wade helped me down. In the weird mix of lighting between the orange sunset behind the stacks and the darkness of the rising night, Wade looked older to me, and I saw him in a different way than ever before. His eyes were watching me intently. And I finally noticed just how much weight he lost. Maybe that was what made him look older? More mature? I didn’t want to think about it.

Then he snapped out of trance, and I saw a thought glow in eyes. Wade jumped up, “Oh, my gosh! Go online. Meet me at Halliday’s Journals.”

“Wade Owen, what are you on about?!” I called after him as he was running to his bus.

“Just go!”

I rolled my eyes and threw my head back as I sauntered towards my bus, and thought about how close I was to Wade. Did he find it weird? Did he like me in that way? Or was he just staring off into space, thinking about whatever impressive discovery he had just made. “Guess I’ll never know,” I whispered to myself as I climbed into the rusted bus.

As I logged on, I immediately met Z at Halliday’s Journals. This building was massive, and the entire outside was glass, as if to say Halliday was finally an open book. Inside, there were books, movies, memories, everything Halliday had stored away in that brilliant brain of his was transferred into the Journals for Gunters to dig through.

While I walked through the front entrance to find Z, I thought about how people would fight to get into the building since it had reached capacity almost everyday. But now it was empty. The hype around the search for the keys vanished, and everyone moved onto other things. Never Z. He was loyal to a fault and dedicated to finding those keys and saving the OASIS from IOI. I admired him for that, for never giving up. Even in the real world Wade was like that, which was part of the reason my mom didn’t want to tell him about her getting sick.

At the top of the steps, Z was talking to the unimpressed Curator. Oh, how that man loathed me and Perzival. For nearly a year we spent twenty four seven in the Halliday Journals, which meant that the Curator was stuck there, too. So it was really no surprise that he hated seeing us come in every now and then when we needed information on a new lead. “You’ve seen everything in here over a hundred times,” he would say as he led us through the halls. And every time Z and I would roll our eyes.

“What are we doing here?” I asked Perzival as he tried talking the Curator into something. “What did you figure out?”

Perzival radiated with adventure, “Art3mis said something to me earlier which got me thinking. And then when we were talking about your fucked up avatar, I put it all together. Halliday hated rules, that’s why the OASIS lacks so many.”

I thought long and hard, and then at the same time we said, “2029…” I shook with excitement, “Curator, can you take us to Gregarious Games 2029 Office Party?” The Curator kept a stern look. “Please?” I added hopefully.

The Curator sighed, “Very well. If you wouldn’t mind following me.”

When we were following the Curator through the ostensibly endless, Z was hardly walking straight as anticipation visibly coursed through him. “Halliday was pushing Morrow out because he thought Ogden lacked the concentration and devotion for the OASIS. Ogden wanted to implement rules, make it so people wouldn’t live their lives inside of the OASIS.” I talked myself through it. “But then why does this matter?”

“Think about it, B. If Halliday despised rules, why would he follow them in the creation of his tasks to acquire the keys? We’re missing something, and I think that something is in this specific memory. That’s why Art3mis mentioned it to me.”

“Couldn’t it just be a coincidence?” I questioned. “I mean, she’s a Gunter like us, she knows everything about Halliday… like us… and she also wants to win like us. So she could just be throwing you off track so she wins faster.”

Z shook his head, “She’s not like that.” I froze in my tracks, and it took Z a few more steps before he realized I was no longer at his side. He turned around, “What is it?” he asked.

I stared at him, “You— you like her. You have feelings for Art3mis.” Z turned red and stuttered as he tried to deny the accusation, but it only made him look more guilty. In my disbelief, I remembered the promise I made to myself, and I continued on through the corridors.

When we arrived at the memory, the Curator walked up to the controls while Z and I watched carefully. We took note of every movement they made, every word they said. Morrow was pleading for Halliday to keep him on board the OASIS project, trying to prove his worth, but Halliday wasn’t listening, his mind had been made.

“I liked things how they were… when they were…” Halliday said shyly. Obviously referencing the 80’s, his favorite decade. Ogden continued to argue, and then he compromised. “Why can’t we go backwards?” Halliday half-joked. “We always talk about moving forward, but maybe sometimes it’s better to move backwards really fast, no slowing down, no stopping… no thinking. Just the gas pedal on the floor and the tires spinning the opposite direction.”

At the same time, Z and I looked at each other with eureka. “You have to go backwards on the track!” we exclaimed simultaneously. Z was buzzing, “Oh, my gosh… At tomorrow’s race, I’m going to try it.”

“But what if you zero out?”

“I won’t. I know this is right.” He looked over at the still less than impressed Curator.  “We should be getting home anyways.” His avatar reached for his visor, and then he was logged out of the OASIS.

I was left with only the Curator as I reached for my visor, “As usual, Curator, it’s been an honor.”

And then I logged out. I set my visor down on the table and grabbed my stuff, making sure that everything was clean and organized. No way in hell was I going to turn my area into a hoarding pen like Wade’s. Speaking of whom, Wade was over the moon happy. The entire walk back to the stacks he was rambling on and on about Art3mis, Halliday’s memory, and his plan at the race the next day.

Six months ago, I would have invited Wade to sleep over at my house like when we were little. His parents joked that he lived more at our home than theirs, and when he moved in with Alice, it became more common than before. Now, I worried that someday he’d be waiting outside the door for me one morning and he’d see just how sick my mom was. I wondered if he still would have slept over all of the time and ate meals with us would things be different. Would he have feelings for Art3mis— a girl he’d never met in person. Maybe. I didn’t ponder it too much that night as I was exhausted.

Wade was the first up the rope since his place was further up, and I waited patiently for the rope to come back down. Nearly everyone was inside except for the occasional beggar. That far into the Columbus there was never any wildlife. No birds, no dogs or cats, nothing. They probably hated the state of Ohio just as much as I did. So the streets were deathly quiet, and it always sent shivers up my spine.

A wave of relief washed over me as the rope came back down and I could finally go home after a long day. I carefully opened the door, cautious not to make a sound in case my mom was finally getting some sleep. My dad was in the kitchen, cleaning dishes from their dinner. He looked over his shoulder at me and smiled. I got my poor eyesight from him, and he loved to fashion these black and blue glasses that were too small for his face, so he had to squint to see sometimes, which merely defeated the purpose of glasses.

I sighed as I set my stuff on the small table near the door. Quietly I asked, “How is she?” Dad shrugged. “Was today a good day?”

He shrugged again. There were never good days with my mom anymore, but my dad always refused to use the OASIS as an escape. He would always say, “I have everything I could ever want with me already. My two beautiful girls, and a home, a good paying job… We have it better than most, Thais.” I cringed at the name. There were only three people on the planet who were allowed to call me by my birth name, and even then I wanted to wash their mouths with soap.

Even in a world where the OASIS is the only thing that matters to 90% of the population, there was still a need for teachers. My dad was a professor at a technology school, and at the time that was all anyone wanted to learn. Not to brag, because I really didn’t care, but we made more money than most, but we prefered living in the stacks. It was closer to work for my dad, closer to the hospital for my mom, and closer to Wade for me. Really, it just made sense to stay there and not move out of the stacks to somewhere that wouldn’t have worked for us.

So, my dad being the great professor he was, loved mythology. Him and my mom had books and books full of different kinds of mythology. But they loved everything Greek over all else. The mythology fascinated them, and the history captured them in a way they could never describe. So when it came to naming me, they spent days researching Greek names.

Somehow they decided on Thais, a mistress to Alexander the Great’s friend (and presumably Alexander the Great). Don’t get me wrong, she was powerful and smart in her own right, but I hated the fact that I was named after… well… a prostitute. Hence, everyone who wasn’t my parents or Wade had to call me Brandy. Brandewyn was my OASIS name, and people in the OASIS knew me as Brandy, so it just stuck.

My dad dried his hands on a towel and swung it over his shoulder, “I’m taking her to the doctor tomorrow; see if they can give her any more medicine for the pain,” he explained. That meant it was a really bad day. He tried to lighten the mood, “How was your day?”

“Good. Wade and I think we have a really good lead on the first key. I think he might actually get it.”

“He. You won’t be getting the key?”

“I dunno,” I said, unsure of myself. “Maybe. Wade just seems more interested in finding the keys with Art3mis now… I don’t think he wants me along for the ride.”

Dad scoffed, “Come on, Thais, he’s your best friend. This Artemis is a stranger. Don’t stress yourself over it.” My lip quivered as I told him about Wade’s crush on Art3mis. “Oh, my love,” he cooed as he held me in his arms, “I trust that one day he will come around. Believe me.” I nodded into his chest. And then we both froze in the middle of the house when the doorbell rang. From their bedroom, my mother groaned in pain as she woke up. My father told me to see who it was while he helped her.

I opened the door to find Wade standing there with a large duffle bag that carried all of his stuff. Bewildered, I looked between him and the bag. He said that he needed a place to stay for a bit. “Aunt Alice’s boyfriend lost all of their money, and I don’t want to feel like a burden on her right now. I figured I’d just sleepover like old times, if that’s okay.” I was still stunned by his words, and paralyzed at the sound of my mother crying from pain and my father trying to calm her. Wade tried to look around me to inspect what was happening in the house. “Is everything alright?”

Another lie, “Yes.” Then another cry, but this time for water. “My mom just isn’t feeling well today. Here, come in.” I hate lying to him. I thought to myself as I closed the door behind him and hurried to take a glass of water to my parents’ bedroom. “It’s Wade,” I told my dad. “He needs a place to stay.”

My mom used her little strength to look up at me, “Wade Watts?” I nodded. “No. No. Dan, go talk to Alice… he can’t stay her.”

“Mama—” I tried explaining, but she started coughing. I lowered my head as I exited the bedroom and went back to where Wade was standing in the middle of the living room. “My dad’s going to try talking to Alice. If we need, we can help financ—”

Wade shook his head, “Come on, Thais, you know she won’t take it. She’s stubborn like that. Even when she’s desperate, she won’t admit she needs help.” Louder coughs echoed through the RV home. “Are you sure your mom’s okay?”

In that moment, I prayed that he wouldn’t turn around to see the full medicine cabinet. Every shelf was filled front to back with different medicines that worked and didn’t work, daily meds and occasional meds. Everything from the common stomach ache reliever to tranquilizers were in there. But when my eyes quickly shifted to look at the cabinet, Wade followed my gaze and turned around. Slowly, he approached the cabinet, and I felt my heart drop to my stomach.

Wade didn’t even look at me as he opened the cabinet door to reveal the clutter of medicine bottles. His voice cracked, “How long has she been sick, Thais? Just tell me the truth.”

“A few months…”

“You should have told me.”

“It wasn’t my decision whether or not I should tell you. She wanted to protect you, so she made us promise to keep it a secret.”

Then he wanted to know how bad it was, and I told him it was getting worse. He wanted to know if there was a cure, or at the very least something that could slow it down. I said no. He asked if she was going to die. I said yes, most likely. And then we both reluctantly broke into tears. I had never admitted out loud before that my mom wouldn’t survive the year, and it shattered me to think about it. But Wade… my mom was his mom. Aunt Alice was the only blood he had left, but he and my mom shared a special connection. We were both losing a mother.

“I’m so sorry,” I apologized as I hugged him tightly. Wade’s arms snaked around my waist and pulled me closer to him for comfort. Neither of said anything after that, we just stayed tangled in each other’s arms for a while before our legs grew tired and we were forced to go to bed.

Wade rested on his back on the second mattress I kept in my room for our sleepovers. His hands were crossed over his chest, he only did that when he felt self conscious, and our glasses were resting on the bed side table next to each other. We both stared at the ceiling in silence. Despite how tired we both felt, we couldn’t fall asleep. Occasionally, my mom would cough or groan, and we could hear my dad shuffling in bed to make sure she was alright. And then when they were asleep all we could hear was the sound of her oxygen tank.

One cough was so loud and powerful it scared me, making me jump in my own skin. I hadn’t even noticed— or cared to notice— my hand fall to the side of my bed. It only startled me when I felt Wade’s palm slide against mine, and then our fingers interlaced. And finally I felt myself slowly falling asleep.

[basicdeanstan-blog]

House Party

Characters: Dean Ambrose x Female Reader

Warnings: Unprotected (wrap ur willy!), Dirty talking.

Summary: You show up to a friends house party in which Dean Ambrose is also there. You guys finally have a conversation after months of small talk backstage and... sexual tension. Smut. Smut smut smut.

I warily walked into the threshold of Naomi and Jimmy’s home, the music engulfing my ears as soon as I had stepped in. I closed the door behind me before making sure no one else was coming in, though I’m sure I was probably the last guest to have arrived.

It was a celebration at their home, all of our coworkers being invited to let loose and talk about their long week as Wrestlemania finally came to a close. Everyone was unwinding and enjoying a few beers, dancing to the music. Not only were fellow WWE superstars here, but even some people who worked backstage that people were cool with were here, too.

Naomi had begged me all night to show myself at their wonderful home, but me being the antisocial that I am, I kept kindly declining to which she would not take that for an answer. “Just have a few drinks,” she texted over and over. Finally, I gave in.

I walked to the familiar crowd of people which included Naomi, Charlotte, and another backstage friend.

“She finally makes it!” Charlotte cheers, squeezing me in for a hug. I smiled and hugged back, looking over her shoulder at the party, specifically catching eye contact with Dean Ambrose, the most mysterious guy I think I’ve ever met. I finally broke the contact, pulling from Charlotte.

“Hey,” I smiled at everyone, taking a glass of wine that Naomi had already prepared for me.

“We knew you’d come, girl. Go mingle.” She winked, inching her head over towards Dean. The girls caught on and chimed in annoyingly. Dean and I only ever exchanged a couple of words when we would pass one another, but I couldn’t deny that I did think something about his rough, gruff look was very attractive. The girls always detected it I guess and would never stop teasing me about it. Dean didn’t seem like the type to get involved in backstage gossip, though, so I hoped he didn’t hear anything about me having a stupid school girl crush on him, which I did.

I of course never acted on it because we never really crossed paths, him being in his group of buds and me being in mine. He is a very chill guy, and I always tried to strike up a conversation with him but never really knew what to say. Something told me though that after a few drinks, maybe tonight could be the night.

I shook my head. “No guys. Not gonna happen.” I laughed before taking a bigger sip than usual of my alcoholic drink.

They only rolled their eyes and changed the topic, and throughout our conversation it felt like Dean and I had been exchanging glances the whole time. I only told myself it was probably him wondering why the hell I kept staring at him.

“I’m gonna go look for a beer.” I told the girls as I headed for the kitchen, trying to get a change of scenery as for some reason my eyes just kept venturing over to him. I brushed past him as he was leaning against the kitchen counter, and opened up the fridge to find a cold can. Beer honestly wasn’t my thing and I would prefer some shots of tequila right now but those aren’t exactly provided at house parties.

I swiftly opened it and took a quick swig.

“Hey babe.” Seth called out to me, teasing playfully. He was standing right beside Dean, them obviously having their own conversation before Seth saw me. I nodded at him and began to approach the two.

“Hey.” I smiled at the men, Seth returning a warm smile as he had an empty beer can in his hand, doing a once over on me. Seth and I did always have flirty encounters or conversations, but it never really came to anything as he really isn’t my type. He has hinted a few things or two, which I would politely decline and we’d continue on as casual friends. Then it would repeat.

“Didn’t take you for a partier.” Dean commented, looking at me in what looked like amusement on his face.

“Are you kidding?” Seth chimed in, “she’s a sucker for partying. Yeah, uh huh, don’t act like you don’t remember the time at that one bar. I forgot the name of it.”

I scoffed and shook my head, laughing. “Don’t even bring that up. I was a mess.” I sighed, playing with my hair in the comfortable silence. I decided to say something else.

“To what you said earlier, Dean. I do like my fair share of partying. Not so much house parties though. More like show up to a bar with a friend and get wasted, then forget to pay the tab and skip out on the bill…” I trailed off realizing I was rambling, but Dean was in a fit of chuckles now as I explained one of my many crazy nights.

“You sound like more fun than I thought.” He replied, it sounding like he meant something more than he was saying, and I brushed it off with a small laugh.

“Yeah, you’ve never tried to get to know me, huh.”

“Sounds like a loss on my part for that.” He responded, his eyes staring deeply into mine. I didn’t know what to take from that and I felt a sudden warmth between my thighs from his looming stare and suggestive tone.

“Get a room, won’t you?” Seth said in feigned disgust, in which Dean and I were still staring into each other, Seth’s voice seeming so faint even though he was right beside us. Though I didn’t even notice he had walked off and started conversation with a nearby girl.

Dean took another swig of his beer before he spoke, “how are you liking the WWE so far?”

I rolled my eyes playfully, “really? We’re gonna go with that? I can’t tell you how many people have came up to me asking that word for word.” I giggled, my liquid courage sneaking up on me.

“Okay. My bad,” he chuckled, surprise on his face at my sass. I was surprised too, but something told me that he liked that sort of thing. This was the most words we've exchanged so far and I didn’t want him to remember me as the shy girl who wasn’t even remotely memorable.

“That dress compliments you really well.” He broke the silence, his eyes glued to my army green bodycon dress. It accentuates every one of my curves, being met by black thigh high boots that I had borrowed from Summer Rae in which she told me I could keep.

I grinned in response, putting my weight on one of my legs as I shifted a bit.

“Why is it now that you wanna talk to me, Ambrose? Because I’m wearing a dress that just barely covers my ass, or is it the fact that you can tell that I’m obviously not wearing a bra?” I said as I glanced down at my chest. I added playfulness in my tone but I was serious at the same time. This has been one of our first interactions and all he could do was bore his eyes into my body. Not that I didn’t like it.

I thought I heard a small groan from him at my words. “Honest? That could be a big part of it. You really do look stunning tonight. I do regret not striking up more of a conversation with you sooner. I’m always you know, just in my own head. But I mean, could you blame me? I think every guy on the roster has looked at you more than twice since you came in here.”

The sexual tension was increasing and I didn’t know what to do. I liked to call myself a confident girl, and I could initiate things but when it came to this man I felt like a teenager thinking of what to say to her crush. But then again I thought about Dean. His rough, edgy and mysterious personality obviously wanting a girl who could think for herself.

I stood up on my toes and whispered into his ear, getting dangerously close. He smelt of alcohol and faint cologne. “Follow me up to a room?” I bit my lip with a smile as I backed away to see him completely intrigued, that being my cue to turn around and head up the spiral stairs, soon hearing him come up after me. I didn’t care whether the other superstars knew what we were up to at this point.

I picked the first bedroom I saw, hoping it was some guest bedroom and not Naomi and Jimmy’s. I took the last sip that remained in the beer can and set it down on the end table. There Dean was, at the entrance of the bedroom not hesitating to walk in and shut the door behind him, the blasting music being only slightly silenced.

His shaggy hazelnut hair laid over one of his eyes, his hand instinctively pushing it out of the way. He wore a white t-shirt that clung perfectly to his fit torso, and dark blue jeans. In two quick strides he was leaning over me and he brought his hands to the sides of my face, looking into my eyes once more as if he were asking. I pulled the back of his head to me and engulfed him in a hot, quick kiss.

His kisses were rough and fast, my lips almost feeling pained but loving it at the same time. I was really doing this. I was going to sleep with this man and the most we’ve talked was literally the same night. I felt no shame in it, really feeling a rush as I pulled onto the ends of his hair. He pushed me back further onto the bed, now leaning over me as our steamy kiss ensued. His tongue slipped into my mouth and we were going at it. His demeanor screamed dominance and I was ready to submit to him.

He pulled away to lift his shirt up off over his head, then going for my boots to slip them off.

“Although these are sexy as hell, I want them off.” He groaned, throwing them behind him on the floor. He pushed my legs open with one hand before getting a glance at my black underwear. He smirked to himself before pulling up at my dress, needing the two of us to slip the tight fabric off.

“Fuck.” He groaned once my boobs bounced out, completely bare and perked up for him. He was in the middle of unbuckling his belt before turning his attention to them, holding one of them in his warm, rough hand, massaging it while the other boob was met with his warm, wet mouth. A moan left my throat as I arched my back up to him.

“Please, I need you. No time for that.” I begged, bucking my hips up at his waist. Another smirk played up on his lips. “Okay, baby.” He slipped off his jeans and in one swift motion his briefs were off too. His rock hard shaft bounced against his stomach and he wrapped his hand around it, pumping himself all while using his other hand to get my panties down in a swift motion. It was mesmerizing to watch him please himself, the way he did it so quickly and his eyes glazed over with lust, my heat was probably pooling by now. He brought his finger up my slit suddenly, and I gasped, looking down at the sudden contact.

“I wanna go down on you so bad. I bet you taste amazing. That’s gotta be for another time though, huh?” He cooed, pumping his one finger in with ease. He looked up at me, a sweet teasing expression on his face.

“Mhmm, and then I can suck your cock.” I teased back, lacing my tone with lust. He groaned to himself again before lining himself with my entrance, “can I fuck you raw, baby?” His tone was so dark, and deep, and teasing all at the same time. He was so dominant and his sweet, cooing tone was turning me on more than I could explain.

I nodded desperately, wanting him inside me already. He pushed in in one swift motion, my wetness making it all a breeze. He was more on the thick side than in length, but it was already reaching the places it needed to.

He didn’t stop once as he pushed all the way in, his pubic hairs brushing up against my clit. He pulled out all the way, doing the same thrust as before. He picked up a rhythm, and I wrapped my legs around his waist to prevent him from pulling out anymore, me not wanting to lose the warm contact. I moaned once his pace increased. His thrusts going at me so hard. I felt like I could break underneath him as he slammed his hips against me, his once steady pace turning into fast and hard thrusts. Whimpers erupted from me as I wrapped my arms around the back of his neck and looked up into his eyes, before he broke the contact to watch himself disappear inside me.

I was definitely more vocal in moans than Dean, but his face said it all.

“You feel so fucking good. This pussy is so good.” He groaned into my ear, his hands gripping onto my hips harshly. He knew I was gonna feel that tomorrow and I think that turned him on even more. I pulled him down into another kiss, this one being much sloppier than before. Our tongues were all over each others’ and his thrusts felt so good at this point, I never wanted it to end.

He reached his thumb down to my clit as if he were reading my mind, applying slow lazy pressure to it.

“You love the way I’m fucking you,” He gripped back onto my hips, applying a rough pressure in which I whimpered in response. “Tell me you love it.”

“You’re fucking me so good, Dean. I love it.” I panted out, a whimpering mess underneath him. I forgot about anyone else downstairs or around us as I felt my orgasm come close. Dean let out a low grunt, feeling me tighten around him.

“Cum for me. Cum for me, baby. Who’s making you moan like this? Who’s fuckin’ you good like this?”

“Dean!” I shouted as I arched my back up off the bed, a wave of pleasure washing over me. I dug my fingernails into the back of his shoulders as I let my orgasm take over, my eyes flashing open to see him watching every moment of my climax, his thrusts growing sloppy as he chased his own peak.

“Oh, shit.” He let out another deep groan before slipping out, jerking himself only twice before hot shots of his cum spurted onto my stomach. I moaned, watching him come undone and his eyes closed tightly. His mouth was opened, sweat beading across his forehead.

He opened his eyes to see me swiping up some of the cum off my stomach, my eyes innocently locked onto his as I sucked on the salty substance. We stared at each other in silence before he quickly leaned down and swallowed me in for another kiss. He pulled away slightly, his forehead still on mine.

“You are somethin’ else, baby.”

(a/n: if you’re on desktop, you may have to zoom to read cause my theme sucks at being compatible with long imagines lol)

[creatoranimator]

Walking in the Rain (Tree bros) Part 2

I absolutely love this story so far and it’s gonna bet better! Again this deh sky high au and tree bros... and yea.

Words: 1174

Ship: Tree bros

Trigger warnings: Swearing (chill it’s not much)

Part 1

Connor shrugged and took his phone out from his bag. 

“Shit. Zoe had probably left by now.”Evan winced.

“Ohimsorryitsmyfailt,ikeptyouheretosignmycatscauseidontknow-”

“Evan, relax it’sd fine. I can just walk or get a ride with you.” Evan awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. some pink petals fell onto the floor.

“Oh, I d-don't actually have my driver’s license, cause um, I cant control the plants around me well enough yet?” Connor nodded and looked at the pink flower he picked off of Evan. “W-we,” God this is going to sound weird. “we could walk home together? I saw you only live about a block for two away from me- I mean- I don't watch you, I just see you and Zoe come from that direction sometimes-”

“It’s fine. Come on let's go.” Connor left the room and Evan quickly followed. When they go to the exit, it was drizzling a bit, more than this morning. “You fine with getting wet?” Connor smirked.

“I-I mean do I have an option?” Evan joked. Then Connor stopped to get a spare sweatshirt from his bag and put is on Evan’s shoulders. Holy shit. Pink flowers started to pop out from underneath, Connor chuckled.

“I-uh-um-thanks, um, you didn’t have to, uh, sorry if I get pedals on it.” Evan smiled awkwardly. They started to walk.

“Na, it’s fine. I have plenty at my house. My whole closet id just grey shirts, sweaters and stuff.” Evan tried to hide his blush by picking at a flower behind in his hair. Connor put the flower from earlier in his pocket. They were silent for a bit until Connor realized the flowers growing on the ground beneath Evan where turning a light shade of purple. “You ok? The flowers...”

“W-what? Oh yeah, I’m f-fine. It’s just... anxiety.”

“Am I making you anxious?”

“Oh-n-no, it’s just I’m n-not used to having friends... so...” The flowers turned a lighter shade of pink. Connor waited a beat before talking.

“Yea, me too.” Evan looked up at Connor, who was focused on the sidewalk and the flowers blooming. “So do you have a favorite plant to grow or something?” Connor changed the topic. Evan’s face lit up.

“Yea, actually, my favorite is called the Juniperus occidentalis? It’s a tree that grows in the west, they only really work in wintry environments...” Evan rambled on until Connor cut him off.

“So you like trees?” He smirked and raised an eyebrow. Evan looked away hiding his blush and brushing off the flowers growing on him. Connor laughed, which was rare, Evan never really heard him laugh before. It was like watching your favorite movie for the first time, you don’t realize how much you like it the first time.

They walked for a while, Connor let Evan ramble on about plants and trees, with Connor making subtle comments. To be honest, they both purposely took wrong turns just to talk more. They completely forgot that it was raining and the little drizzle became more of a light rain.

They continued walking until a girl with a lot of books was walking past and tripped over a root from Evan the books flew everywhere, which made Evan trip and grow red flowers uncontrollably. 

“Oh my god I am so sorry! It’s my fault-I-my powers-I um,” Evan tried to pick up some books but was shaking a bit so he was dropping them again.

“It’s fine, really.”The girl left as quick as she came. Evan waited until she was at least a block away before talking.

“M-That was embarrassing...” Evan said brushing off more flowers from his arms. 

“Mm-hm.” Connor turned his attention towards Evan. “I thought that pink flowers were for embarrassment. Those were red.” Evan felt roots tug on his feet to hold him back. But he kept walking. “I guess that would explain all the blushing.” Evan felt his face heat up. The roots were getting tighter, this time pulling Connor a bit back which startled both of them.

“Holy shi-” Connor stumbled back. The roots around him and Evan were getting tighter.

“Oh-I’m s-so sr-r-roy-I di-di-didn’t mean-n-n to-” Evan stopped to help him

“Um, Ev? I can’t get up.” The roots at this point where tangled in this legs.

“Ohmygodiamsosorryiknowitsmyfailtimmessingeverythingupimsorryididntmeantoiknowitsmyfailtimsuchascrewupilikeyoualotandimsorry-”

“Wait slow down.” Evan took a minute to breathe. Connor was now sitting up slightly, using his elbows to prop himself up with this legs stuck in the roots. Evan was now kneeling and slowly removing the roots as he focused on his breathing. The roots returned to the ground once Evan started breathing normally. He then stood up and helped Connor up. But Connor didn’t let go of Evan’s hand. “So what does pink mean?” Evan blinked at him.

“Oh, uh, I-sorry um” Evan tried to pull his hand away gently because now roots and flowers were making it down to his hand. Connor resited though.

“Don’t be sorry. You apologize too much, you have to stop doing that.” 

“Oh, um sor-” Connor laughed. Evan nervously laughed. 

“You want  today it again, don’t you?” Evan nodded. By this point, the flowers were growing onto Connor’s arm, and the rain was more if a mist. “Neat, you can do that? Or are you just fucking with me right now?”

“Oh, I um, I didn’t know I could do that... I’m not very experienced with my flowers-powers I mean... so...”

“But you had them for your whole life?” A flower pink bloomed on the back of Connor’s wrist. He let go of Evan’s hand and looked at it, then looked back at Evan. 

“Yea, I guess... that’s stupid, I'm stupid-” 

“You’re not stupid.” Connor cut him off. “What’s fucking stupid is that you won’t tell me what the pink flowers mean.” They were in front of Connor’s house. 

“Oh, um,” Connor smirked. “mnhmnh... I don’t know....” Evan mumbled in a whisper. He realized that he was still wearing Connor’s spare sweatshirt from earlier.

“What? You have to speak louder.” 

“A-actratmmnmn...” Evan tugged on the hum of his shirt.

“Evan, you have to speak in full sentences without mumbling-”

“I-I LIKE YOU!” Evan didn't mean to yell. “...a lot.” This time Connor was the one blushing like crazy. He looked at the flower on his wrist. He waited a beat 

“Well,” Connor took Evan’s hand again. “I like you too.” The flowers around the now looked bigger and brighter, instead of small and rapid. 

“R-really? I didn’t know if it was w-weird or anything, I-I um uh...” Evan took a deep breath. “D-do you want to hang out s-sometime? I-I mean only if it’s o-okay for you, I don't want to make t-this weird or a-anything, am I making it w-weird? Sorry, I-um,”

“It’s okay. Where do you want to go?” Evan’s face lit up.

“W-we could go to the, t-the forest! We could go hiking and climb a tree or something, what do you think?” Connor took a second to look at Evan. There’s nothing like his smile, sorta subtle, and perfect, and real.

“I think it’s perfect.”

Okay thank you for reading this, lam-baka helped a lot (they write WAY better fic’s) and I'm glad to finish this! thanks!