#and the system doesnt care enough to help me

[sparrowofsong]

And then there were five!

(we think we figured out what was wrong with names - the names are right, but the colors are wrong. Everyone was choosing letters with the right color, even if it wasn't a good name. So now we're writing the names and thinking about them with the preferred color instead!)

Sparrow- Host I think. They/them.

Varion (formerly J)- Just a pal. Fronts fairly often. He/him.

Rose (formerly M)- Caretaker. She/her.

[REDACTED]- Doesn't like names, or genders, or being identified as a human at all. It/its, it thinks. Though if not using pronouns along with not using a name was feasible, it probably would do that instead. So this is the next best thing.

A(?)- Little, hasn't fronted since we implemented the name idea. So we still don't even know what color is best. But she seemed to like names starting with A, so we'll stick with that until she fronts and is able to communicate with us better bc we still don't know how to effectively communicate within the mindspace whoops. She/her, mayyyyyybe they/them.

[pallases]

.

[piplupod]

vent, ed tw

[saintone]

@everyonesfavoritebastard left this quesiton on my latest post and i decided to answer them instead of studying!

We could say sqq goes from hero to villan bc its something very common in fiction, that the villan is a failed hero. I think this hapoenes to og-lbh too.

BUT sqq wasnt a villan, he WAS MADE the villan by others.

Everyone saw him as one. Like he was given that lable. But i dont think he was a villan, per se. He wasn't evil, he didnt do evil. He tortured Binghe as a child, that's true, but outside his wicked obsession with hurting Binghe bc of his trauma, he wasnt going out and doing evil. He was actually pretty good, taking in consideration that he still was a cultivator who helped others, that in any situation in the novel where he had to choose wether to save someone or let them die, he choose the first option, even at his sake (In contrast, at the end og-lbh was truly evil, and didnt care about anyone if he didnt get something in exchange. Women were prices, people were subjects. He was god).

Outside of having a sharp tongue, Sqq didnt hurt others (except binghe, oc). Like, he could have been much more worse. We are talking about a smart, cunning, maybe not the strongest, but he still was strong- with a SHITTON of trauma on his back. Shen Jiu could have been a real menance, and that's something i would like to see bc i think that if he set his mind to it he would have been unstoppable.

Like someone with Sqq's background could have been crazy. A compleate psycopath. Even with his mental problems, he had some real solid mental streght bc WOW. Everything he went through? Sometimes fans talk about what sqq could have been if he grew above his trauma. He was GREAT. His trauma didnt break him. He was standing, he was kinda good, kind, he was still alive.

He could perfectly have cursed the world like binghe did and use his powers to destroy it.

But he didnt.

First if all I dont think he cared enough. Like at the end he barely cared about his martial brothers and what they thought of him. And that's bc, and we always forget, that at that point of the story Sqq was heavily depressed. He suffered from insomnia, from trauma, his insecurities, his fears.

The man didnt even care when he was taken by lbh.

About sqh decision of making him the villan, we kinda know he didnt want to. We dont know the og story, but sqh said shen yuan and bingmei's relationship was "closest to what he had pictured at the beginning". So no, Sqh didnt want to make sqq a bad guy. He was supposed to have a relatevely good relationship with binghe, or maybe at least a good ending, or a better story.

The problem is at some point, sgh stops making the decisions about the story. It slips through his control. Sqq becoming the villan is like him being misunderstood: maybe, his martial brothers are nothing more than a reflection of the fans, who despice sqq without trying to understand him (and sy is our examplary fan).

The other day I saw a video that called shen jiu "the villan of a wrongly told story". And thats it. Thats the key of understanding SVSSS to me. The story had to be told THREE TIMES bc it kept failing (sqh's original story, PIDW and SWSSS). Inside SVSSS, there are three stories intervined. But the only one we dont know about is the first one: we only have some snippets.

And reflecting abput the way our enonomic system shapes the way we tell stories or force creative works to adapt to the rules of capilasim is also a greaat thing to analize.

Even better than that, how authors lose control of their stories.

At that, MXTX probably wont agree with my theories. She has said that Sqq deserved what happened to him and that he wont reincarnate. So sj is dead, dead dead, gone. In my very personal opinion, bc Shen jiu is a not a villanous villan, in MDZS she made Jin GuangYao undoubtely evil (like yeah, he was mistreated, but THATS an evil character who doesnt care about others! Thats selfishness! Sqq doesnt have a drop of selfishness in his characterization). To make sure her villan wasnt idealized this time.

The thing with SVSSS is: the story went wrong. The characters went wrong. Something happened. It was not supposed to go like that, but it did. Sqh didnt wanted it, but it happened.

Wtf is the system? Good quesiton. I have no idea. Is it fate? No, bc fate according to the creator was something else, a different ending for the story.

I think, the system its the narrative. The plot. Something there to keep the story going. Some people have theoriziced that it was evil, and that kinda could make sense, and then we would have a true villan in the story.

Though Im not sure we have arguments solid enough for that one.

Maybe the OCC warnings, and now im just guessing, could be bc the og MC was Shen Jiu, so the system wanted a protagonist the most alike to sqq.

I also have this personal theory, that the reason everyone accepts Sy so easily is bc they already wanted to get along with Sqq. Like the guy was pretty asome. And undoubtely attractive. This sounds basic, but it is centifically proven that we like drawn to good looking people. Cang Qiong peak lord had truly no reason to reject Sqq from tje begining. The werent that bad either. Its just the mistook him, and then they hated him, bc instead of the person THEY wanted him to be, the person THEY wanted to get along with, Sqq didnt give shit about them. Pero lords were bitter tm.

So maybe the system wanted to prove that his sqq could fit. That sqq didnt need to CHANGE to be accepted.

But i also think this is too daydreamy thou.

If the system is the plot, assuring the story continues how it should, but with a protagonist that hopefully wont fail this time, there are also some things that it has to make sure are fulfilled. Missions, arcs, and the correct flow of the characters. Nobody likes it when a story makes a 360° with no reason.

So yeah. Idk if i answered anything hahaha. At this point im just wordvomitting my SVSSS theorys bc I think its a great work.

Also i should be studying.

[mooonjin]

Hello!!!i read your echo fic and im in love ;_; as much as i want to ask for a hunter x reader echo doesnt get alot of love, so can you write a hunter x jedi reader where both reader is scarred after order 66 and echo comforts the reader and they both really connect after that and after a while start falling for eachother? Sorry its so long but i feel like echo needs someone TTT

Your Comfort Buddy

Notes: MY FIRST REWUEST HELLO ANON TYSM FOR REWUETING im so sorry this got you pretty late, i tried to do thid tumblr scheduling thing and i kinda messed up the release for this oops... also i hope this i what you're looking for?? <3

Pairing: Echo x Jedi!gn!reader

Summary: Order 66 left the Jedi's all over the galaxy into shambles. You happened to stumble upon the best of the best clones but one of them really stood out to you.

Warnings/Tags: mentions of order 66, very minor violence, kissing (one of the kisses gets a teeny bit spicy), no use of y/n — tell me if I've missed anything!

The Clone Wars.

The name that could either bring fear to someone or pure hatred.

For some, it could be both or the polar opposites.

Noble Jedi Masters, Knights, and Padawans lead thousands, maybe even a million clone army's into a galaxy-wide battle against the Separatists. As it's heartbreaking to realise, it was all orchestrated by Emperor Palpatine himself. As the wars drew to a fiery close, his endgame was soon to be the downfall of the Jedi and their precious Republic.

"Execute Order 66."

The Emperors gravelly voice rang through transmission disks and the heads of the clone army's. Some of them would've thought they went insane until they weren't able to resist the order.

Blasters shot erupted throughout the inner and outer rims, planets and systems. The killing of a clones' General, Commander, Leader.

Their best friend.

The sound of your lightsaber hummed as you deflected the last of the B1s' shots, but the eerily noise of DC-15A behind you was enough to make you freeze.

"Commander?" was all you were able to mumble before a blaster shot came barreling from your left.

"No!—"

"Hey, hey! You're okay. Please look at me." Echo's voice was soft and reassuring. He caught you, once again, having nightmares about a certain incident. He pressed his lips together, grinning slightly as you made eye contact with him. Your panting slowed down and your posture eased up a bit.

You returned a lopsided grin when you came crashing back down to reality. You had no idea what time it was but you sounded like you were still rolling through hyperspace. The others were probably fast asleep.

Except Echo, of course.

"Y'alright?" Echo handed you a cup of water.

You chuckled, taking his offering into your hand, "Despite what you think, I'm capable of taking care of m'self." you took a sip from the cup.

Echo couldn't help the cheesy smile on his face as your stubbornness flourished, his hand resting under his chin to prop himself up. He was hypnotised as he looked into your eyes. He could stare at them forever. The odd warmth in his chest was growing again. Gosh, he had the biggest crush on you. Was it obvious?

"Not always," Echo took back your finished cup of water and placed on top of a crate he'd pick up on the way later — maybe. "Sometimes y'need help... like that time on Felucia!" he joked, nudging your elbow.

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head sarcastically, "That doesn't count! I can't believe you still consider it." your hand came up to rub your head in response to his stubbornness.

Echo chuckled before taking your free hand in his. Without a doubt, it sent butterflies throughout your body. Not even just your stomach; that's how he makes you feel.

"Rest up, 'lright? You've got a big day of training tomorrow." he rubbed his thumb against the back of your hand. Your ears felt hot like they could start a bonfire anytime soon. Echo patted your hand, placing it back on your blanketed lap before he stood up to walk back to his bunk.

You couldn't ignore the way he looked at you when he took your hand in his. It was so... caring. So comforting. Like the whole world of yours was in his eyes. The way his iris dilates like a cat staring at their favourite food. 

"Hey Echo?" it was record time when he turned around to face you, his eyebrows raising and a  small 'hm?' like whimper came out of him. "Thanks... for everything," you sent him a thin-lip grin, the corner peeking up just a bit to seem lovingly.

Echo's heart began to race at the simple appreciation. If anything, his heart would always race even just by the sound of your name. He sent you a toothy-grin, walking back to his cot. With a faint, warm blush on your cheeks, this is by far one of the best sleeps you had since Crosshair's chip incident.

As Echo tucked himself under his sheets, he had the biggest, cheesiest smile on his face.

He likes you so much.

No...

He loves you.

-

The hum of your lightsaber continued to deflect Hunter's stun gun blasters, the sound of them disintegrating as you successfully blocked yourself. This went on for about an hour and a half now. You insisted to train after the recent fight on Kamino and because Echo was going out with Wrecker for a supply run, Hunter and Crosshair offered to fill in for him.

There was something about Hunter and Crosshair. Sure, they're both attractive, fairly intelligent, fit, and caring, but they weren't Echo.

As you were lost in thought, Hunter hit the handle of your lightsaber. The saber quickly retracted, hitting the ground with a small, metal thump. Crosshair let his posture rest, his head tilted to the side at your mistake, "That's 24 already, where's your focus gone?" Hunter chuckled.

You rubbed the palm of your hand before holding out to your side to force-grab your saber. Hunter will never not get use to how cool using the force is. His eyebrows bobbed up then back down in fascination at how immediate you can get your focus back on track. He signaled Crosshair to get ready too.

"Oh, it's here, alright." it was almost teasing, a small smirk appearing on your lips before you heard the click of Hunter's blasters and Crosshair's rifle behind you.

Your eyes closed briefly to regain your concentration. Just like Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker said: "You need to remain calm; think. Feel the intention of the trooper who will fire first. You should be able to sense the moment before they even pull the trigger."

Just as Hunter's finger looped around the trigger, your lightsaber was already in front of your body as his stun blast barreled towards. You swiftly did the same thing behind your back, deflecting Crosshair's blaster shot.

The three of you exchanged grunts, Hunter strategically rolling across the ground to get angles below you so the difficulty went up a notch. Crosshair added his signature slide, making sure to aim at your blind side which was unfortunately blocked off with the bright light of your saber.

Echo and Wrecker came back to the space with a handful of crates and a market trolley for Tech who was inside, doing something with the control panel. As Wrecker took the trolley around to reach the Marauder, Echo stared at you in awe. You were so alluring.

He was mesmorised as he watched your figure do these spectacular jumps to block his brothers shots. The way you twirl the lightsaber against your hands to switch to a position more comfortable to hold depending on where a shot had been blasted from. The way your eyes scrunched up to focus and how your lips parted to receive air every time you whipped your head around to protect your back.

He pondered what it would be like to fight beside you again. Their most recent mission left you in shambles as your memory continuously reverted back to the trauma you experienced during Order 66.

Lost in thought once again, it was Crosshair's stun that knocked your saber out of your hand. Echo watched carefully at your expression and your reaction to yet another mistake.

"That's 25," Crosshair grumbled. "If we're ever going to be recruited again for missions, you can't keep doing this."

There he was. The Crosshair everybody knew. Echo rolled his eyes, beginning to walk towards where the three of you were training.

"We'll probably be ordered to do stuff like this 60 times more.” Hunter sighed, fixing the position of his bandana. You picked up your lightsaber but Hunter's words were the only thing ringing in your head. You groaned, catching Echo's attention, already worrying him.

"We'll probably be ordered to do stuff like this 60 times more," Hunter's voice rang through your head.

"...probably ordered... 60 times more!"

"...ordered... 60 times..."

"...ordered... 60..." 

Execute Order 66.

"No! Commander, stop, no!" it was lightning fast, the hum of your lightsaber igniting abruptly as it shocked both Crosshair and Hunter, but not Echo. He knew what was happening and what was about to happen was bad. It was even worse with your hand grasping desperately onto your saber to defend yourself. You were dangerous without focus and unaware of your surroundings.

"Hey! Hey, look at me!" Echo was quick to jog up to you, but had to duck down at the swipe of your saber. You were freaking out, the horrible memories circling back to you. Your commander, your best friend turning on you.

Your vision blurred, head light and heavy at the same time, "Get away! What are you doing?" you yelled with the might you had but it felt like nothing came out. Like no one heard you.

Like no one cared.

Everything slowly faded out from your vision, your knees hitting the ground first and then the metal thud of your lightsaber handle, "Echo...?"

Then you went black.

-

"Hey, you awake, you alright?"

"Come on, you're okay, you're okay."

It was Echo's voice. You felt at ease, calmer, and content when you slowly rose from your bunk. Your head still felt pretty heavy but it was put behind when the first thing you saw was him. Echo, your beloved.

Similar to your drunken state, your eyes relaxed and dropped slighty. You looked dazed from Echo's point of view and he couldn't lie at the amount of nervousness rushing through him. You were so beautiful, even like this.

"You doing okay?" his voice was soft, his human hand reaching for your cheek. He was warm and oh, so soft. You could rest against his hand forever if you were able to.

One of your hands came to cup his, the one still on your cheek. This time, it was you who rubbed your thumb against the back of his hand. You could hear a faint chuckle come from him and that was it. Something inside you snapped.

Your lips enveloped his, almost squeezing poor Echo's cheeks. You relaxed a bit more when you felt his lips move along with yours. It escalated quickly. Echo became more desperate and you became more passionate. As much as it was sloppy, it was loving. All of your feelings towards Echo was poured into the kiss. His scomp hand pressed gently behind your neck and his human hand still holding onto your cheek. It dropped to your lower back when you both pulled away.

When you opened your eyes, you giggled. The sight of Echo with his eyes shut gave you back your butterflies. Echo couldn't even begin to perform proper English when he did open them. All he was met with was you. You and your beauty.

"Wow... I.." he said, breathlessly.

"Sorry, just wanted to do that." you shrugged. It was true and Echo was more than happy to feel this mutual feeling.

"Please do it again." Echo begged, wanting to feel your lips on his again. This time, it was slower and steady. You both took the time to explore each others bodies with your curious hands. Echo found the perfect spot for his scomp to rest against so it wasn't uncomfortable for you and your hands found perch behind his neck. Perfect for pulling him closer than ever. A small moan escaped Echo's lips before you pulled away. You were both huffing and puffing for air, exchanging eye contact.

You chuckled, "Thanks again," your smile dropped as you finally remembered why you were sat in your bunk again. "Sorry... for uh, what happened out there. I didn't mean—“

"You didn't do anything wrong," Echo objected, pulling you into a hug. "D'you mind resting up again? I'll deal with the boys, okay?"

You nodded at him, a smile coming back to your lips make itself known.

"I love you, Echo."

Echo blinked a few times, shaking his head to make sure he heard it right. He couldn't leave you hanging when he felt the same way.

"I love you too."

-

Post-Notes: also i'm in the middle of writing a part two for the past behind him!!! im super grateful for the support it got so its on its way dw! btw there was a few of you who wanted to be tagged in it so i thought id share th taglist form for mmy other stuff in the future ;]

Taglist!

[thescreaminghat]

i think what arcane does well is directly highlight how trauma, or the experience of being traumatized, is an inescapable by-product of living in/being raised in the socioeconomic conditions of zaun. the show also doesnt shy away from the idea that having or being with people who call themselves your “family” doesnt “solve” a person’s trauma; harm is harm, and being able to overcome that trauma takes time, and care, and meaningful processing of that trauma, beyond someone telling you that they’re on your side.

jinx and vi are the most obvious examples of this, so i wont talk about them here, but it’s interesting to see how all of the characters experience and grapple with some sort of trauma over the course of the series. 

silco, despite literally overthrowing vander, the symbol of his trauma, can’t help but keep talking about him---while this may be a strategy to remove jinx from her attachment to vander by consistently painting him in the worst possible light, i feel that silco is also struggling to process why vander, his brother, would try and brutally murder him. it seems that vander did this because he and silco had a split in their ideologies towards what zaun should do against piltover, with silco being the “sacrificial lamb” for peace. vander himself cannot forget or forgive what he has done, with his scar being the physical manifestation of that betrayal (and he *looks at singed* will be further traumatized). the politics of P&Z, then, provide the backdrop against which this trauma occurs---without it, vander and silco would arguably never have been pushed to their extremes. in a way, he reminds me of the mariner in Rime of the Ancient Mariner, who feels compelled to repeat his horrific experiences to those he meets and are willing to listen---despite all appearances, silco is still haunted by vander’s influence (and the pain he inflicted on him). his struggle to process his own trauma leads him to isolate jinx, allowing her to give in to her impulses under the idea that so long as they are “family,” they will never be consumed by their worst fears.  

ekko, despite being well-adjusted and proactively combatting the harms being done to the people of zaun, is also traumatized. his friends are killed in front of him by the person who was once powder, yet he also can’t help but memorialize her, clinging on to the memory of times when they could still be children. when vi hugs him after their reunion, we see, for a moment, not the leader of the firelights, but a young person who is scared and burdened by his role, one which is, again, a response to silco’s power over zaun and the political currency that shimmer has taken in and outside of it.

viktor is interesting because in addition to the obvious moment of trauma that he undergoes when sky is killed, his experience as a disabled zaunite in piltover is arguably a more potent, though less visible, form of social trauma, in which his personal agency as a reform-minded scientist is diminished by the lack of recognition that piltover gives to that agency. of course viktor believes in himself, of course he is intelligent and determined enough to make breakthroughs in his work, but the systemic restrictions created by ableism, class, and politics within piltover’s upper echelons---as well as his physical disease---arguably force him to experience a self-imposed “exile” from the human connections and social outlets that meaningfully would address that trauma. There’s also just the heartbreaking way that Viktor’s terminal illness is framed---at a surface level, baby viktor is traumatized from the sight of rio’s suffering, but at a thematic level, he is also re-traumatized when circumstances situate him as “another rio,” dying and (in the context of his political status as a Zaunite in Piltover) voiceless, not truly understood by heimerdinger or jayce (and how could they? one is immortal (with his own traumas with magic) and the other is trying his best to help but cannot, because of his good health and relatively privileged economic background, fully grasp the frustration and desperation of feeling a body break down from a disease caused by living in poverty as a child), and forced to rely, like rio, on singed. 

jayce and caitlyn, coming from the privilege of well-off families in piltover, experience trauma in relation to seeing the poverty and exploitation of zaun, and the violence that has resulted from the p&z conflict, with their own eyes. while this is not comparable to the lived experiences of those who come from zaun, this is, thematically, another “crossing the line” moment---the divisions between piltover and zaun, imposed and enforced by piltover, are breaking down in the sense that piltover can no longer turn a blind eye to its own complicity in engendering trauma. 

mel is another interesting case because her trauma stems from her fraught history with noxus and her mother. being exposed to the brutal bloodshed caused by noxus’ militaristic culture at such a young age is a trauma that will never leave mel, and, like the mariner, she expresses those experiences through art---her paintings arguably reflect the vibrancy and turmoil of her inner thoughts, otherwise guarded because of her political responsibilities. her trauma lingers on in the form of her mother, and specifically, her mother’s decision to exile her. while her mother may view this as the right thing to do (both for mel’s development and her own conscience), mel is the one who is burdened with this familial trauma---she clearly still respects and cares for her mother, but her mother’s emotional callousness, the dedication to noxus’ destructive ideals, and the flippancy with which her mother treats human lives all harm mel, and her mother does not see that. she is torn between her duty to family, her sense of needing to “prove her worth” to her mother, and her desire to pursue non-violent/more compassionate means of politics (though this compassion has not been extended to zaun for much of the series). being her mother’s daughter doesn’t erase her trauma, because forgiveness is earned and not bought with blood relationships, but i think it is meaningful that mel, like some of the other characters, slowly finds a way to deal this familial burden, the weight of her trauma, as act 3 nears its end. 

but harm is harm, and the harms done to zaun will inevitably be felt in its sister city, either at a personal or at a systemic level, and jinx’s missile---a last cry from someone who never had the chance to inch forward to a better life, away from the hurt she has shouldered from her city or her family---shatters that healing, that progress, that shining tower of dreams unattained. 

[montysstuffs]

Dark Red

Jealous!Abi x Nick

A little bit of angst ya know. Had to find a plot somewhere!

Warning: Arguing, degrading, cunnilingus, a little bit of choking

MINORS DNI!

AN: just letting you know, I inserted a character named Anna, only for plot purposes. She’s irrelevant, only to progress the story forward. I know i keep writing about them being in college together, but PLEASE! LET ME HAVE THE ENDING I NEVER GOT! On another note, I am PUMPING 👏🏾 OUT 👏🏾 CONTENT 👏🏾

"Oh no,” everyone groaned in unison as Dylan suggested truth or dare. Everyone remembers the last time he suggested a game like that. It got very VERY messy. "okay okay okay," dylan put his hands up defensively,"-I see that you guys dont wanna have fun. What about spin the bottle?" Kaitlyn scoffs at the suggestion, "Dylan, stop giving ideas. What are we, 16?" Kaitlyn doesnt wait for an answer, "i suggest we play some music and just enjoy our last weekend before finals." Ryan raises his hand and nods," i second that." Anna claps her hands excitedly at the suggestion, “I love music! Nick, dance with me,” she pulls Nick out of the kitchen and into the living room. The groovy music filled the space between all of them. Emitting a warm and sensual vibe that they danced in tandem with. Anna sings along to the music, swaying side to side as Nick does the same. He places one of his hands on her hips as they dance to gratifying music.

Within seconds of the music ending and another playing, Anna and Nick were back up and dancing with each other, giggling and carrying on. They honestly seemed like they were having more fun than anyone else. Abi was far too heated to pay attention to a thing being said. Grant it, she didnt know who to be more jealous of; Anna or Nick. She had to admit, Anna was gorgeous. She had a strange, ethereal pull on Abigail. Almost supernatural. But what wasn’t there to like. She had short, bluntly chopped hair. Small tendrils framed her face in the most flattering way. There were two little pigtails on with ribbons on the very ends of them. Matching perfectly with her bubbly personality.

"OH OH I got a game," Jacob joined the group from the kitchen. Carrying more takeout for the group to eat. "why so much food jacob?" Emma giggles to herself, moving over to help the boy carry his arm full of food. "Just want everyone to get enough to eat. What kind of host would i be if i just got you all drunk and didnt get food in your systems? a bad one, thats what."

Emma smiles at his wholesomeness. Quite a few people forget that jacob is very caring. Just not very bright. Jacob successfully balances all of the food and places it on the table, "BOOM! Skills. Anyway, I think we all should play Mario kart!" He nudges dylan in the side while wiggling his eyebrows at him. He sits down next to Ryan on the couch with kaitlyn. effectively forming a circle around the livingroom. Nick looks around the circle, “hey, where’s Abi?” Emma, promptly pulling out her phone to message her, chimes in, "last time i talked to her, she said she was going to step out for some air."

Nick had begun to worry when Abi didn't come back to the party. His thoughts had begun to spiral. Did Abi really leave the party without letting him know? At this time of night? She's so vulnerable, a strong wind could knock her over.

Nick had used his spare key that abi had let him borrow to entire into her and emma's shared apartment. There, he found the girl climbing up her counter. A wave of relief washes over him once he ensures that she is safe. It is immediately followed by anger and frustration.

“Why aren’t you picking up your phone," he crosses his arms in front of his chest. Closing and locking the door behind him. Abigail gives no answer, only continuing to reach for her ice cream cones on top of the refridgerator.

“Put the ice cream down, and answer me," he says in a more authoritative voice. From the look on her face, he knew that the tone fell on deaf ears. Finally she spoke, "I turned it on silent. Didnt feel like talking." Nick is taken aback by her laissez faire attitude. As if she really doesnt care that her friends are worried about her.

“Because you don’t feel like it? You can’t just leave without telling me what’s going on. You could’ve text me," Nick approaches her slowly. Scanning oveer her body to see if there are any injuries. Now that he is close enough, he can see that there arent any. So he can mentally check off someone hurting her. Still not being able to wrap his mind around what would possess her to leave in the middle of the night, all alone. "I can do whatever i please, nick. Youre not my guardian," she shrugs her shoulders. But theres something more behind her words. More than just malice and annoyance.

“What’s with that tone?"

"i dont have a tone"

"Abigail, yes you do."

"Well maybe you do as well, Nicholas."

"Oh? Oh? we're doing full names now." He takes a deep breath to regroup. Catching himself from saying something he may regret later. "I’m not trying to stifle your independence,

"If this is about anna, i swear babe. There's nothing going on. She's not trying to get with me, and im not trying to get with her.

Abigail puts her hand up for him to stop abruptly, "Don't- don't make me seem like I'm the crazy one. Like I'm some asshole that just goes around thinking everyone who looks in your direction wants to fuck you. Why cant you just believe me? This new girl doesnt have good intentions."

"So youre speculating that she's trying to take you away from me?

"no! i just want you to be on my side for once! Is my word not good enough for you? Does she have to pounce on you before you realize that she's trying to seduce you?" At this point Abi's voice was hoarse from all of the yelling going on between them.

"Maybe i will go fuck her. At least maybe she'll let me know her feelings instead of running away like always. And we were talking about how you think it’s okay for you to just leave unannounced. Don’t go flipping this back onto me.” Nick and Abi stared wide-eyed at one another. Both in disbelief that he would say something like that. "I'm sorry. I didnt mean that. I'm just frustrated," he panics in anticipation. Waiting for Abi's next move or word. Silence. She puts her face into her hands and sighs, "I know you didnt mean it. And I'm not jealous. You're just mine, that's all.”

“Maybe we both need to work on our communication skills,” Nick and Abi both share a small chuckle amongst each other. “Come here,” Nick pulls Abigail’s arm with him. Making her follow him to her bedroom. “Why? I don’t wanna go,” she shuffles and drags her feel along the carpet, but still follows him. “Because you’re so cute when you’re jealous.” He sits on her bed with a creaky flop, now at her eye level.

“Gimme a kiss,” Nick puckers his lips slightly at the momentarily taller girl. Rolling her eyes, she sighs. Placing a chaste, meaningless kiss against his lips. “Nu uh! No, like you mean it. I won't bite. Unless you're into that sort of thing," Nick flashes his canines at her. Making her shudder at one of their previous encounter being alone like this together. He trails his fingers down her back lightly. Leaving goosebumps in their wake. He expertly unclasps her bra as he captures her lips in a soft kiss. She whimpers into the kiss, not sure if she should forgive him just yet. He places a kiss lower, onto her neck. Grazing his larger teeth across her heavily scented pulse. Some effects of the curse still lingering after all this time. Not that he was complaining. He brushes his lips across her collar bone, finally lifting her shirt over her head. The anticipation had begun to sink lower into her stomach. She hated to admit it, but she loves it when he works her up. Makes her speak up and defend herself. He also loved it. Loved how she'd get mad, scream at him, maybe even throw something at him. Ultimately ending up with them screaming in each other's faces. The sexual tension building and building unto it bursts in a fiery explosion of hands and nails and teeth.

Until Nick is sliding down of of the bed and onto the floor under her. Silently groveling as he kisses up her calves. All the while he pulls her shorts down and tossing them to the side. "Youre so fucking pretty when youre angry. Almost makes me want to submit to you. Just to see what would happen. Abi lets out what could only be described as a desperate cry for more attention. His lingering finger tips running up her inner thighs was getting to her a little to much.

“You like me on my knees baby,” he smirks in between licks. He steadies her shaking legs with his hands as he sucks gingerly. His course, rough tongue lapped at her clit. He takes one finger into his mouth. Coating it in spit before slowly easing it into her. Abi shuts her eyes and whimpers at the slight stretch, “No no baby. Watch me. Watch me on my knees for you,” he returns his tongue back her aching clit. Licking up the juices that spilled down his hand. It was an indulgence filled with warmth and sensitivity. One that left Abi at a loss for words. Nothing could compare to the way Nick loved up on her when she felt insecure. No one could make her fall apart and put her back together like Nick could. He slips in one more finger. This time, pistoning into her faster. Abi gripped and pulled at his long locks hard enough to earn a lustful groan from the boy. His eyes flash yellow up at her.He had begun to salivate at he way she tasted and smelled. She lets out a yelp as his fingers brush past her sweet spot. "Mmm there it is," he grazes over the sensitive bundle of nerves over and over again. making her ride and grind down onto his fingers and tongue. Her build up was coming to an end. Just a little bit more, a little bit longer.

"Fuck you taste good. Give it to me baby. Ride my fa-," he is cut off by abi pulling his face deeper into her cunt as the coil in her lower abdomen snapped. Nick gratiously drank up her juices. His eyes fluttering in satisfaction as he does so. “I belong to you, Abi. Let me fuck you like I belong to you. But i need you to say it," he smirks up at her before getting back on his feet. Flipping them around, he stlaks forward. Making her fall onto the bed. "I wanna hear you beg me, baby. Got such a pretty voice when you beg for my cock," he is now towering over the small girl. Caging her in between his arms, his clothed erection presses up against her wetness. Leaving a stain on his boxers. She dips her hand in the waistband of his underwear and with the biggest puppy-dog eyes, she begs him.

"Please fuck me, Nicky. I need it," she couldnt believe she made a desperate plea. But it always ends up like this. With her legs up to her ears and Nick driving into her with an exorbitant amount of force. She whimpers at how much he stretches her. The burn brought tears to the corners of her eyes. But in the best, delicious way possible. “Are you gonna be sore? Aww you can take it. You won’t break, baby," his cock shoved into her pussy. It begins to quiver at his constant penetration. He pushes frantically against her hips; placing a sloppy, messy kiss against her panting lips. Her walls flutter as he hits the spongy patch of nerves again. "Let everyone hear how pretty you sound while taking my cock." She sounded so sinful. "Look at you cumming on my cock already. Youre not mad anymore, huh? So easy to please." He places his hand around her neck. No doubt leaving a faint bruise later on, "Tell me you love me. I'm not choking you that hard. C'mon, you can do it." She stumbles to form words as her orgasm hits. She forms lewd moans as she rides her orgasm out. "I love you. S-so much." Nick smirks down at her He rocks his hips against hers, "You can take all of my cum can't you baby? You wont let a drop slip out, right?" Abi nods at the boy, mouth agape. Teetering the line from being overstimulated. "Push down onto my cock baby," he felt himself getting closer to his own orgasm. He halts his hips as he cums. His hot seed spilling out in ropes into her soft body. "Mmm so so easy to please. But we dont have to argue to have that kinda sex baby. Just tell me next time, okay?" Abi's eyes were already closing to slip into a blissful sleep.

[metaphor-cheese]

Things that are underappreciated abt baljeets portrayal as a ‘nerd’

-people like him. He’s bullied by buford sure but the other characters who arent his friends are just like ‘hey its baljeet from school. Hi baljeet :)’ like they Dont care. Irving doesnt seem to have much reaction to him and wendy even seems excited that they’re under the mistletoe in the christmas episode. At most the fireside girls (minus ginger) find him boring but they dont hate or bully him or owt. He’s just A Guy and buford is the only person who makes a big deal out of his nerd status cos its not actually a big deal

-there are a few jokes about him not being very strong but he’s not unfit. He enjoys sports and is always seen participating in them. Theres no jokes about him being last to be picked on a team or comically bad at it, he’s just…there. Playing with the other kids. He even uses his smarts to help him with certain sports which is a rlly neat touch

-this is rlly subjective but i love when the show leans into that kind of bill nye ‘cool nerd’ energy with him. Like what he’s doing is REALLY lame but its SO lame it becomes cool in its own way. Like riding a unicycle or using a protractor to play baseball or unironically dabbing on someone in 2020. Imo baljeet is at his most powerful when the writers channel those vibes onto him. Baljeets the kinda guy to show up to the school disco in suspenders and a bow tie and rock it simply with his sheer audacity

-he’s at his coolest when he stops worrying. Baljeets coolest accomplishments- ‘mainstream cool’ not the aforementioned nerdy cool- are always stuff he does when he lets his guard down and stops TRYING to be cool. 90% of the time baljeet actively tries to be cool or suave or whatever he just completely embarrasses himself (look to any time he’s flirted with isabella) but when he’s acting for himself like in bully bromance breakup or the baljeatles he kind of fucking rocks????? Like wtf. Dude climbed a mountain because he had an adrenaline rush. Thats sick as fuck. He didnt perform gimme a grade trying to look badass, he did it because he was genuinely angry and no longer gave a shit what anyone thought. He even says it in the song- ‘i wont be told how to vent’- this is a 100% genuine expression of emotion with no outside motivation. And its one of his coolest moments in the show. Everytime baljeet tries to be cool its kind of tragic because he IS just not when he tries too hard

-baljeet is a nerd specifically because of his autistic coded rigid thinking. He’s not like that for no reason or because his parents are stereotypically abusive- he’s like this because he needs strict rules to understand the world around him. Baljeet needs to know he’s good enough. Grades give him a simple ‘yes or no’ answer to that question. Therefore: he needs to get good grades to be good enough. Its how he makes sense of the world and pulling that system out from under him throw him into a breakdown. We see this in the baljeatles, again with his schedule in bubble buddies and this black and white view of the world gives him extreme anxiety over decision making in primal perry. That last plot point is especially interesting to me because baljeet has shown signs of an anxiety disorder before that all tie into this world view. That one wrong move can cause his life to spiral and so he NEEDS the rules to keep him safe. This is probably why he stayed with buford (y’know before they became friends). He was a nerd and buford was a bully. Thats a binary he can understand. And the rules here state that the bully picks on the nerd. He may not always like the rules but he does follow them. His nerdiness has actual depth and reasoning behind it thats often overlooked

-baljeet does not shy away from things he is bad at. When he accidentally signed up for a rock and roll camp, he didnt simply leave because he cant get his head around rock. He sat through the whole course, learnt to play that damn electric guitar and turned up for his concert. Yes sometimes he can be scared or defeatist- but he always comes back from it. He’s not good at building but he always helps phineas and ferb. He’s clearly no expert at romance but he still pursues it fairly often. He’s still just a kid and no expect on astrophysics, but he’s gonna do his best to help his friends out of a tight spot dammit! The ‘cowardly nerd’ aspect was dropped from his character fairly early on and while he has plenty of mundane fears and anxieties, in a crisis he’s one of the most level-headed of the group. He’s way braver than most give him credit for, just as willing to jump into situations he’s not suited for as the brothers or isabella

[spacedlexi]

Do you have any Violentine headcanons? I have one incase you’re curious(you’re probably not);Violet and Clementine light their room with (dark) blue/purple lanterns because it reminds them of space.

aaw thats cute. i loved the purple lanterns so itd be nice to see those get used more. i also think vi has glow stars in her room (their room). there was concept art of the dorm with glow stars so i gave them to her cuz it looked really nice and also the stars are their Thing

someone asked me a while ago if i had any headcanons and i wrote a pretty detailed response here (i'll also put it under a read more here incase the link is weird). i dont think i have many more violentine specific headcanons cuz mostly i just think about how the school as a whole operates post s4

- love that thing mary kenny said about how violet likes to be the big spoon unless shes had a nightmare or has trouble sleeping. i bet clem being the little spoon makes her feel safe when she sleeps in a way she hasnt felt in nearly a decade of sleeping out on the road where she could die at any moment. i wonder if there was ever an incident tho where clem could feel vi against her back in her sleep and woke up ready to fight someone, cuz in the early days of living at the school im sure she’d still be getting over her immediate fight or flight reaction to everything

- related to the last one i think once aj gets old enough clem would move into violets room (and tenn would move into ajs room. every night is a sleepover (yes tenn is alive in my hcs 😔 and no one is maimed))

- i know clem is technically The Leader now, but vi was doing a good job before clem took over, and since her relationship with clem helped her get over herself a bit and now she outright cares for the school group (instead of caring but pretending she doesnt to avoid getting hurt from loss again 🥺), i think theyd definitely lead together. clem is still #1 but violet is like her right hand/second in command. if the group splits up for whatever reason (hunting/scouting/investigating passing groups) then they each take leadership of each group (unless they feel like going fishing together 🥺). they definitely makes plans together. up in the office. sometimes they share the chair (its a huge chair have you looked at that thing)

- again since tenn is alive in my hcs i love the idea of clem+aj/vi+tenn one little family within one big family. if tenn and aj are like playing or drawing vi and clem are watching like a couple of doting parents 🥺💕

- they stole that horse from the raiders so sometimes they go on little rides together around the school, checking defenses. but also just to get some time together alone

- vi gets help from the others to help jury-rig a pully system on the bell tower so clem can get up there again. they make so many intricate home alone style traps i think they could do it. i think clem would cry shdfks. and it would mean that much more to her that everyone helped make it

- violet became very confident in her relationship with clem throughout the last 2 eps so i think they wouldnt shy away from being cute in front of everyone lmao especially as the years go by

- after a number of years together i think theyd like to make things more “permanent”. the only signifier of their relationship is the pin vi gives to clem (which is so cute on its own god i love that pin (“so you never forget that night” “i never will” SHUT UP THEYRE SO CUTE)). i thought maybe violet would whittle like a pair of wooden rings but thinking about it more i think they would just make new pins for each other. the pins are kind of their thing. clem would still keep wearing the og star pin, but she’d also get a violet flower pin, and violet would get a clementine pin 🍊💜

- related to the last one, louis would catch violet making her pin for clem and turn it into a whole big thing. because its boring living in the apocalypse and he wants to make this fun. clem would be on board with it and violet would agree if thats what clem wants. so theyd have a little “wedding” with the school kids attending. tenn and aj collect flowers and you know omar would make some big, extra fancy meal.

- idk if this counts but do you ever think about how during the last ep violet gets forcibly split from clem+aj and has to go back to the school by herself, and hours go by and clem and aj havent made it back yet… and how violet probably went back out there to desperately look for them, thinking they were dead and blaming herself for just leaving them there… she mustve been so devastated and scared and angry. i bet she was the first to see aj pushing that wheelbarrow back to the school and just started crying and sobbing if she wasnt already. SORRY TO END THIS ON A SAD ONE but i think about this 😭 ………………..

- related to the last one i bet violet spent so much time next to clems bed just hoping and praying that she would wake up. her and aj were probably there as much as they could be. and maybe would even take turns watching over her before she finally woke up. i bet all the other kids would come in to check on her too. they all love clem so much 🥺 you love to see it. its what she deserves. i bet rosie would be under her bed too like she was when aj was putting up the collectibles at the end

[kindnessisweakness2]

Perfect Chaos - Part 8

Pulling up to the cabin shocked Ez and Angel instantly. It was fucking huge and not what they were expecting at all. The modern building stood tall in front of acres of green woodland. On the left side of the building there was a large lake with a small dock. A large garden area overlooked the beautiful view, with large sofas and a fire pit. Riley slid off of Angels bike and took her helmet off as she made her way towards the keypad. Quickly typing in the numbers, she stepped back as the large black gates opened and waved at Coco to drive through. "This isn't like any cabin I've ever been to." Ez smiled at Riley as she met them by the front door. Smiling wide at him, Riley finally felt safe with the gates closed behind her. This was her dad's cabin and his security system was second to none. She always used to joke that he was preparing for the purge to come true. "Lets go in through the garage. You can put your bikes inside." Leading them towards the right side of the house, she stopped outside a large grey rolling door. Entering another code the door started to lift and the 3 boys eyes widened like kids in a candy store. The garage was huge with various tools lining the walls. But the best bit was the 3 vintage Harley Davidson Motorcycles parked in the corner. Instantly the lads made their way over and admired the bikes. "You ride?" Coco questioned Riley. Shaking her head she laughed. "No. They were my dad's. I promised I'd never get rid of them. This cabin was my dad's. He left it to me when he died. I can't bring myself to get rid of his things." Quickly changing the subject, she headed towards the door that lead into the kitchen of the cabin. “Lina, I’ll leave you to show the boys their rooms. The usual rules. Dads old room and office is out of bounds. Help yourself to anything, the fridge will be stocked and your beds made up. Maria and the kids only left last night, she was kind enough to set everything up for me.” Lina furrowed her brows in confusion as she took a step towards her best friend. “Wait, your not gonna stay with us? We can have drinks by the lake like we used to.” Lina’s hopeful look quickly faded to disappointment as Riley shook her head. “Sorry. I really wasnt kidding about all the work i have to do. Ill be in my room if anyone needs me!” And with that she disappeared through the kitchen and down the hall. Letting out a loud sigh, Lina turned to the boys. “Come on. Ill give you the tour.” 

3 Hours later and Riley was still locked away in her room. Angel was clearly restless. Everyone could see it on his face as they sat around the fire pit with drinks in hand. His beer had now gone warm and the label had been obsessively picked off. “If you want her that bad just go to her.” Ez grinned as Angel rolled his eyes. “Yeah, your brothers right. Shes not even eaten yet. She gets lost in her work you know.” Lina smiled at Angel trying to encourage him to pull her best friend out of work mode. “What is she even working on in there?” Coco questioned. Lina rolled her eyes shook her head. “You really never listen to me do you?” Coco grinned at his frustrated woman “I do. Just every time you move your perfect lips i think of something else.” Lina couldnt help but smile. Half lovely, Half pervy. Definitley a Coco comment. Turning to the others she couldnt wipe the smile from her face. “ So you know she’s a doctor? Well shes running her own private practice giving people free health care. Anyone who cant pay their medical bills she helps them. She sees other people too, the ones who can afford to pay do and the ones who struggle, she takes care of it. She’s finally got a meeting with the Mayor next week to petition the local council to give her funding to help the people of Santo Padre. She’s trying to show them that people dont have to die or struggle for their health. That there is a way to help them.” Angel’s chest filled with pride at his woman. She was so clever. So caring. “But she does too much and she doesnt know until too late.” Pride quickly moved to worry as Angel leaned forward in his chair. Lina didnt even have to wait for his question before she quickly started to explain. “She never says no. Like currently shes got this whole free health care thing going on. But shes also agreed to write 2 Articles for the medical journal, One about cardiology and another about her recent research into Fetal Substance Syndrome and the effects during and post pregnancy. Then on top of that she has her normal shifts at the hospital, alongside seeing her appointments for the private clinc and shes even trying to sign herself up for a rotation on the pediatric ward because she wants to learn as much as she can. And when you add everything on with Jake, i really dont understand how she hasnt had a mental break down yet.” Ez widened his eyes at the revelation. “Fuck, thats alot. I dont think i could even handle that and ive got a great memory.” Angel shook his head and shushed his brother. “Why doesnt her family help? She said the other night shes a fuck up. What bullshit. Shes amazing.” Lina sighed and took a swig of her beer. “Its not that simple with her family. Shes the oldest sister. They put so much pressure on her to be perfect you dont understand. We grew up together i watched it all. The diets her mom used to force her on. The comparing to her sister constant. Being told shes never good enough. She wanted to sing. Shes fucking brilliant. Her mom put her down every chance she got so she followed her dad into medicine. Dont get me wrong shes fucking great at what she does, but her voice. fuck she couldve gone far. She writes too. Never sings her own songs anymore tho. its a shame.” Lina shook her head. “No the only one she was close to was her dad and he died of Cancer years ago. Riley cared for him till the end. God, ive never seen her so broken. She was so ill. I was so glad he left her this cabin tho. She spent every summer and every christmas here. Maria, the lady she mentioned earlier, she was another nurse who helped her care for her dad. Known her for years. She lets her and family stay here whenever they want. She see’s it as a way to say thank you for all her help. They have a great relationship and are still close now. Dinners, Cook outs, she even goes to Maria’s kids birthdays. Maria and the kids are like her only family left.” Leaning back in his chair, Angel looked to Ez. It was quiet for a minute as everyone digested the information. “No.” Angel broke the silence. “She has us. She has club. Fuck Jake. She’s my girl. Him hurting her ends here.” Standing up, Angel made his way into the cabin and headed straight to Riley’s room.

Knocking on the door, Angel knew he had to take care of her. Fuck he loved her more than anything. And he knew how stupid it probably sounded as they’ve not even been together long at all. Well if you can call their arrangement together that is, but he would lie down in the goddamn road infront of a bus before he would let anyone or anything hurt this girl again. When no response came from inside Angel opened the door and couldnt help the smile that spread across his face. There she was, lay on the bed on her stomach, headphones on typing away. Textbooks and paper surrounded her. In that moment Angel couldnt help but stand there and admire her. She really was perfect. An oversized T-shirt barely fell to the tops of her thighs and her bright fluffy socks bunched around her ankles. The feeling of being watched made her panic and fling her headphones off sitting up. Relief washed over her instantly as she saw who it was. Smiling at him as she sat back on the bed, Riley gathered her papers up into a pile. “Sorry its a mess in here. Do you need something?” She asked as she moved from the bed to place her papers and books in a neat pile on her desk. Stepping further into the room, Angel wrapped his arms around her from behind gently. “I need you to take care of yourself. You haven’t came out of the room since we got here. Come eat?” Riley stayed quiet as her head fell back onto Angel’s shoulder. She didnt know how he did it but he calmed the noise in her head. Made her feel safe. Made her feel like she could finally take a propper breath. “I’m ok.” Angel placed a kiss on her neck. The view of the red marks making anger rise in his chest again. He’ll kill Jake when he gets his hands on him. Thats something he will promise. “You dont have to pretend with me.” He spoke quietly as he pressed a kiss to her neck again. “Don’t go back to him.” He kissed the shell of her ear as he almost begged her. “Please. I cant stand the thought of him hurting you again. You can stay with me. Ill protect you, baby.” Riley turned in his arms and lifted her head to look up at the man who wormed his way into her heart so quickly. She knew he would protect her, but her reluctance to agree came from her wanting to protect him. She knew what Jake was capable of and she would never let Angel get hurt because of her. But as she looked at him she knew she had no choice. 

She was going to have to tell him everything. It was the only way to protect him. 

[fishfingersandjellybabies]

Not that I assume anyone cared or if it’s real but sorry I havent been here and probs won’t be anytime soon. For a few reasons:

Life’s hitting hard again. The family emergency i mentioned a few months ago was my mum getting diagnosed with breast cancer. Prognosis is good though but she starts radiation next week. I’m also stressing over money right now. And my job is sucking the life out of me. A coworker who hates me is suddenly /actively/ out to get me/trying to get me fired. My boss I’m sensing believes her/doesnt like me anyway and my manager, with her own shit going in, is trying to defend me. I’m also sick of this job and debating moving on, but because of this job im currently in the throes of feeling worthless and never good enough and lonely and all that cool vibes. Being on the verge of tears 24/7 is exhausting. Also its our busy season and omg its killing me haha.

Im trying to do video game things but i have a shoddy system so half the time it’s not working or logging achievements and its frustrating, which i dont need right now, obviously. (Stray is so fucking cute though omg and zurks are my nightmare fuel but god @giaussaidno thank you SO MUCH im having so much fun :’) )

On better notes - I’m also been asked to participate in a zine! I’m working with the @jdsszine team, so thats my current writing focus :) so probably no real fics in the meantime/until I finish my story for that. (Support them please! Lots of incredibly fucking talented folks are involved!)

And lastly, my papa (pronounced pa-PAAA) is coming next week! Because he worries for my mental health always, not like he helps or understands hahaha. And then a few weeks after that my best friend on the planet is coming to visit too. So ill be prepping and recovering from these adventures.

So I’m alive. Begrudgingly at this point. Or just out of spite. I dunno. I know I have a few asks right now and I’ll…..get to them. Otherwise I’m probably going to be heavily on the dl, or only reposting Stray art haha

[mercy-burning]

Move This Along

Part of Mercy’s 1k Celebration: A collection of Spencer Reid x Reader requests to celebrate 1,000 followers.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: After months of waiting, Spencer decides he finally wants to have sex with Reader. Category: SMUT (18+) Warnings: Language, sex (oral sex- female receiving, virgin!Spence, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie) Word Count: 5.6k

Full Request: “...so a smutty oneshot with like virgin!spencer but im talkling like baby spence. and hes super blushy and cute but then when it happens its rlly raunchy and therws a lot of dirty talk. and like reader doesnt work at the bau but theyre close friends. and like she goes out to a bar with him and the team and they tease him so then she takes him home and literally fucks him after a movie or smth idk...” — @mggscumrag

MASTERLIST | 1K MASTERLIST

NOTE: It took me forever to figure out how I wanted to do this, but once I did, it came out so quickly! I hope it’s to your liking 🥰

***

The first time she went out to meet Elle's friends from work, Y/N found herself absolutely nervous, and she wasn't sure why. She was always great with meeting new people, but for some reason, the prospect of meeting her next-door neighbor's co-workers seemed to really do a number on her.

She remembers how anxious she'd been, constantly worrying that they wouldn't like her, not to mention they were all probably super smart and strong and intimidating, just like Elle. Anyone who aided in putting away serial killers, rapists, and other monsters had to be just about the most intimidating personality there ever was.

But as Y/N soon learned, that wasn't quite the case at all.

To be fair, they were all intimidating in their own little ways, though it was really easy to forget about that when she was laughing with them, sharing drinks and stories, and exchanging phone numbers to stay in touch.

That's how she and Spencer had come to be good friends. Despite how obviously shy he was whenever they saw each other, the two of them managed to have conversations on just about everything. It usually happened that he talked and she listened to whatever he was teaching her, but she'd always add on the occasional, "Wow, I didn't know that," or "That's really fascinating." All of which she could tell he was surprised at and appreciated.

And since the first time they met at Elle's birthday party, the night she met the whole team for the first time, they'd been practically inseparable. While Y/N was good friends with the whole team, save for Gideon, who always seemed to like it better by himself, her relationship with Spencer seemed to even surpass the bond she'd built with her neighbor-slash-best friend.

Elle even told her as much one Saturday night, as the two of them were driving to the bar to meet up with everyone for a few drinks.

She'd mentioned it as a joke, but Y/N was instantly apologetic.

Elle only laughed. "Don't apologize. Actually, I think it's good that Reid has another friend outside of work. You're good for him. And you know, I think he has a little crush on you."

Warmth rushed to Y/N's cheeks, and she tried to hide it but failed miserably, causing Elle to give her a knowing smile. "Y—You don't know what you're talking about, Elle, it's not like that."

"Oh come on, it totally is. You give him the light of day when no one else does, he talks about you all the time, and everyone at work knows it."

She paused. "They... do?"

"Of course they do, we're all profilers, but it doesn't take one to see how obsessed that boy is with you. I think you should go for it."

Y/N would have been lying if she said she hadn't thought about asking him out. But in the end she had always figured it was a little weird, being that she was friends with all his and Elle's co-workers and she'd kinda been adopted into their family of sorts. But hearing what her neighbor was saying... She started to think differently about it.

"You really think so?"

Elle nodded. "Absolutely."'

"Okay," she replied with an excited smile. "Maybe I will, then."

A week later and the two of them started dating. Y/N always thinks back to the first few weeks of their relationship, how adorably shy and blush-prone Spencer was, even after they'd been together for some time. They spent almost all their free time together, and it still seemed like he was nervous to be around her. He'd assured her on multiple occasions that that wasn't the case, but Y/N still wondered why he hadn't fully warmed up to being around her.

Especially in public. Oh, in public it was worse. Y/N clung to his arm, and his face immediately got red. What confused her the most, though, was that every time she pulled away to make him more comfortable, he pulled her back in, seemingly desperate to feel her warmth.

In the end she and Spencer had grown to develop their own little communication system for public settings, something to let the other know when something was really wrong, and when to ask if the other was comfortable.

One night everyone was meeting after a rough case somewhere in Denver, and Y/N offered to buy everyone drinks once Spencer had called to tell her they were all back. It wasn't out of the ordinary for her to do that, but it had been a while, so everyone was quick to except. Well, mostly everyone— Gideon as per usual went his separate way, and Hotch was eager to get home and see his family.

Y/N was waiting for them at their favorite bar downtown when she heard a loud squeal that sounded a lot like her name. Sure enough, it was easy to spot a very yellow-clad Penelope Garcia headed straight towards her with her arms stretched out for a hug when she turned around. The smile she adorned was instantaneous as her arms came out a well, embracing Penelope with a large hug that almost knocked the wind out of her.

"I missed you!" she exclaimed, still hugging Y/N and swaying them back and forth a little. "I mean, I know I don't ever travel with the team, but because of that we should hang out more."

"Next time I need some company, I know who to call."

Y/N spotted Spencer then, behind Penelope and patiently waiting for a greeting. She smiled at him and whispered, "Hi," to which Penelope must have heard.

She quickly released her from their embrace and stepped out of the way. "Oh! I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from your boy wonder."

She laughed as she transferred from Penelope's arms to Spencer's. He muttered a little, "Hi," into her hair as she squeezed him and shoved her face into his neck. If she had to bet, he was probably red as a tomato right now with how close her mouth was to his neck—it was his weakness and she knew it. And just to tease him a little bit she quickly kissed up his neck, his jaw, and placed a decent peck on his lips before pulling away and grabbing his hand.

Despite the shy smile and the blush adorning his cheeks, he squeezed her hand tight and kept her at his side like they would die if they weren't touching at all times.

Everyone gave little greetings to Y/N as they all made their way to a large booth near the back. Y/N was sitting on one side with Elle to her right and Spencer to her left, while Derek, Penelope, and JJ sat across from them. Y/N got them all their preferred drinks, and a beer for herself, which Spencer couldn't help but find oddly attractive.

He glanced over at her as she took swigs from the bottle as the night progressed, and for whatever reason the sight made his insides all warm and tingly. And when she used her unoccupied hand to grab his under the table, rubbing gentle circles over the inside of his palm with her thumb, he'd never felt more in love with another person. He wasn't even drinking any alcohol, yet his head swam and his heart soared all the same, every bone in his body humming with euphoria at just the mere thought of her.

He must have been staring a little too obviously, because Derek kicked his leg under the table, pulling him from the lovesick daydream he never wanted to leave.

"I can't tell if those are cute ol' puppy dog eyes or bedroom eyes," Derek laughed, and everyone laughed right alongside him.

"Oh, stop it," Penelope said, swatting his arm. "He's obviously just very in love with her, what more could you need to know?"

"Oh, come on, tell me you're not curious to know how they... operate."

She smacked him harder this time, and everyone laughed.

Knowing her boyfriend didn't really care for the spotlight, especially when it came to their relationship, Y/N squeezed Spencer's hand under the table in reassurance. She drew a question mark in his palm, their signal for, "Are you uncomfortable?" And he responded by drawing an "X" in her palm, their answer for, "No." She laced their fingers together then, and set her beer down.

"Morgan, our sex life isn't any of your business," she stated simply.

Spencer felt his stomach churn at the sentence, if only because said sex life was, as of late, non-existent.

He and Y/N had made out a lot, sure, but the one time they did try having sex, he made it about ten seconds being inside of her before he finished, and since then he'd been kind of embarrassed about it. They only ever made out since then, because before it ever got that far he stopped it, nervous that he'd disappoint her.

And now his non-existent sex life was the topic of conversation, and if anyone picked up on it, he would have felt worse about the whole thing.

So, he didn't stop himself from speaking. "But if you must know, it's great."

Y/N's hand tensed up in his, and she looked over at him, shock marinating in her eyes. To anyone else it would have looked like she was surprised he'd even bring it up, but he knew she was most likely more curious to know why he'd lied about it.

Their friends laughed regardless, Elle adding a curious and joking, "Care to elaborate?"

Ready to change the subject, Spencer shook his head. "Nope."

"Yeah, actually I think we're gonna head out early," Y/N added. Spencer was suddenly worried he'd made her upset, but she rubbed gentle circles into his hand that reassured him everything was okay.

He got out of the booth and Y/N followed, as their friends grumbled.

"Oh, come on, we didn't mean to embarrass you guys," Derek said.

"No, that's not it," Y/N said as she threw on a light jacket. "You just reminded me how much I'd like to operate with my boyfriend since I haven't seen him in a few days, so we're leaving. Have a good night."

Spencer felt searing heat rise to his cheeks as he turned around and ushered Y/N out the door, accompanied by low whistles and claps from their friends.

***

The two of them were sitting on the couch now, Y/N having just set down a couple classes of water.

"Sorry if you wanted to stay," she said quietly, playing with her thumbs. "You know we don't... actually have to operate if you don't want, obviously, I was just looking for something to say..."

"Oh, Y/N, I know. Don't worry about it. Really, I... I was the one who even brought it up, I should have just let you handle it."

She looked up at him with a small smile. "Why.. did you bring it up anyway?"

"Well, I... I guess I just felt embarrassed. And I know what we do together isn't any of their business, but I was just... I really was thinking about how much I love you, and when Morgan brought it up, I felt like I wasn't... living up? To your expectations? I don't..." He sighed, unsure how to properly articulate how he was feeling. "I don't know. I just thought about the last time we tried having sex, and I felt embarrassed about it, that's all."

"Oh, honey," Y/N cooed, scooting closer to him and bringing her hand up to brush some of the hair from his face. "You know, you... don't have anything to prove, right? I know how much you love me, and you don't need to be having sex with me to show me, I hope you know that."

Still, he couldn't bring himself to look at her face. "I do," he choked out, pulling at the hem of his shirt. "I'm... I'm sorry."

Y/N's tongue clicked, and she leaned into him, wrapping one of her arms around his neck and placing the other across his lap. She held him tight and kissed the side of his head. "Don't you ever be sorry, unless you cheat on me. Then there will be something to be sorry about."

He laughed at her joke, turning his head to brush his nose against hers. "I love you."

"I love you, too," she whispered, giving him the lightest of kisses on the lips.

When she pulled away, he leaned in again, kissing her a little harder, and she gladly reciprocated. With every passing second, all of his worries started to melt away like the snow to her sunshine. Within every kiss was an emanation of outpouring love and comfort that warmed his soul and gave him the confidence to try something bold.

His hands threaded through her hair as he drew her in closer, and instinctively, she climbed over his lap, resting her hands on his shoulders as he gently probed her mouth with his tongue. The sound of her sigh as she opened up to him and allowed him to fully explore her mouth with his made his stomach bubble and tense.

This would be about the time where he'd stop, telling Y/N that they should slow down, and she'd sweetly oblige and stay cuddled into his side as they drifted off to sleep.

But tonight he didn't want that.

Tonight he wanted more.

While one of his hands remained in her hair, gently massaging her scalp, the other snaked down to her lower back. He gently slid his fingers under the fabric of her shirt and pressed his palm flat against her, pulling her closer to him with a desperation that both shocked and excited her.

Deciding to test the waters, Y/N rolled her hips, feeling him jump slightly underneath her, followed by a whine that vibrated her mouth and sent a low hum of pressure through her stomach.

Still, she pulled away.

Well... She tried to.

When she pulled her face away from him, Spencer used the hand in her hair to bring her back, tilting his head in the other direction and continuing to kiss her with enough passion for the both of them. And it didn't help that the sound she made when he did it spurred him on. She whimpered loudly into his mouth, and the hand on her back involuntarily slid down to grab her ass.

"Hey," she managed to get out when he pulled away momentarily for air. "Hey, you don't... We don't have to really do this if you don't want. I—I don't want you to think that what happened earlier means we have to have sex."

"Y/N..." His hand gently kneaded her ass, and against her better judgement, she rolled her hips again, sighing out against his lips. "I don't want to put it off any longer... Really, I... I want to. I want to show you how much I love you."

She kissed him softly again, bringing both of her hands up to cradle his face. "You already do. Every day."

She was giving him an out, and Spencer appreciated it. But with the way his insides were practically melting away at her presence, he knew more than anything that this was what he wanted.

"I know," he said. "But if you don't mind, today I'd like to show you a little extra." And then he kissed her deeply again.

Her hands tightened on his face, right before they slid up and through his hair. She gently tugged at it, and he let out one of the most delicious sounds she'd ever heard. For future reference, she relished in that sound, in that feeling, and made a mental note to try it out some more when they got further along in their sexual path.

But tonight, she would let him call the shots. He was finally ready to try it again, and seeing how confident he grew in his touches and kisses when she submitted to him, it was the simplest decision.

So she remained on his lap until he made another move, encouraging him with whimpers and languid rolls of her hips against his. Her hands grew frenzied in his hair when he dipped his hand past the waistband of her jeans and underwear, sticking his fingers in only about a knuckle deep. The warmth of his hands against her bare skin sent shivers down her spine, which she let show by involuntarily grinding down on his lap.

Spencer groaned deeply more than whined this time, his grip on her hands gripping tighter to her backside. He forced himself to remove his mouth from hers long enough to breathe out, "Bedroom. Please."

As much as Y/N didn't want to get off of his lap, she knew that what waited for her in the bedroom would be worth the momentary loss of complete physical contact. So she peeled herself away from her boyfriend, grabbing him by the hand, and lead him to her bedroom.

Once the door was closed, he was on her again, caging her face between his large hands and capturing her lips in another heated kiss. They moved backwards until she hit her back against the door, and the second their movement stopped, Spencer used their standing position to press his full body weight into her, their legs tangling together.

Meanwhile, Y/N was trying to figure out where to put her hands. She wanted to brace them on his chest, but it was pressed tightly against hers. So they wandered over his back, but she couldn't decide whether to place them under his shirt or on his butt. Or maybe she wanted to grip his arms to feel the veins as they strained against his skin from holding her face. The possibilities were quite endless.

So endless that they were even surprising—Spencer noticed her wandering hands and promptly decided to place them where he wanted, which was apparently above her head. He removed his hands from her face and pinned her wrists to the door above her head, and she huffed a breath as he pulled away to speak.

"Is this okay? I wasn't too... too rough?"

The concern swimming in his lust-filled eyes drew a little whimper from her throat as she struggled to find the right words. But finally, she settled on, "That was so fucking hot..."

Relief flashed over his gaze right before he grinned. His fingers flexed against her wrists, and even though she couldn't see them, she could imagine how it looked. And it really was fucking hot.

Seeing the expression on her face, Spencer leaned forward again and kissed her one last time. Their lips moved together hungrily, dancing in perfect synchronization, the music being the frantic beating of their hearts.

And then he started to trail his kisses down her jaw and neck, keeping her hands firmly pinned to the door. Usually she was the one to explore his neck with her tongue and teeth, but this time he wanted to try it for himself. Mirroring what he'd felt her do to him hundreds of times over, he soaked in every single sound she made, from the little whimpers of pleasure to the soft, choked whispers of his name dancing over her lips. And when her hips canted forward, searching for any kind of friction, he decided to grant it to her.

As his kisses moved down along her collarbone, his hands gently slid down with him, over her arms and then down to the bottom of her shirt as he kneeled in front of her. He lifted the shirt slowly, each new inch of exposed skin being met with soft kisses until it reached her breasts. He reached up to palm them over her bra while he trailed his kisses downward again.

Even though she was wearing jeans, he pressed kisses to her legs anyway. She squirmed under his touch, and the feeling made his heart soar.

"Please, Spence," she huffed, bringing her hands down to lay overtop of his. She felt the tendons and veins in his hands as they squeezed her, and with everything she had, she tried not to beg him to use them in more interesting places. She wanted to let him take his time, to be a vessel for his exploration, but it was growing harder every second to be patient.

Thankfully he seemed to get what she was feeling, because his hands slid out from under her shirt and rested at her jeans. "Can I take these off?"

The fact that he even asked when she so clearly begged him to do it made her heart swell. "Please do," she chuckled, though it turned into a choked sigh when his fingers actually started undoing the button. And at the sound of her zipper going down, she could have come undone right there.

He pulled her jeans down slowly and helped her step out of them. And she thought maybe he'd take the next step and do the same with her underwear, but he opted to use his mouth instead.

With gentle kisses, he traced the hem of the fabric all the way to either side of her waist. And then he looked up at her with curious eyes and shifted his face, pressing his nose right up against where her clit would be. Her hands immediately went to his hair, but he grabbed her wrists again and laid them at her sides. "Do you want me to move this along?" His voice wasn't teasing as much as it was genuine curiosity.

Still, Y/N resisted the urge to tell him yes. "I—I want you to do whatever feels right. Tonight's... about you. What you want."

"Well, what I want is to make you feel good. So, again... Do you want me to move this along?"

Every time his lips moved, they brushed up against where she desperately wanted him. And it was killing her. So, she nodded vigorously. "Yes, please," she whispered.

And with that, Spencer released her hands and used his fingers to gently rub her over the fabric. The contact made her shiver visibly, and he took that as a good sign. So he wasted no more time and replaced his fingers with his tongue, fluttering his eyes closed at the taste of her. And he knew that once the thin fabric was gone it would be stronger, but even then he was thoroughly wrecked.

He kept lapping his tongue over her, feeling her panties get wetter with ever second, and he only finally removed them when she started grinding her hips closer to his face, desperate for more.

When he did finally bring his tongue to fully taste her for the first time, they both let out the filthiest sounds, months and months of build-up starting to come to a head. He tasted her like he would an ice cream cone, and for the first few moments his eyes remained closed, all his focus on this brand new sensation. But he wanted nothing more than to see her react to him. So he opened his eyes and continued his ministrations, pupils blowing wide at the sight of her above him.

She was panting, her mouth hung open and her tongue just barely peeking out over her bottom lip. Her eyes remained shut, though Spencer could tell she was struggling to open them. With a tentative flick of his tongue over her clit, he took notice of the little gasp she made, and he knew he'd found it. So he repeated his action, providing small kitten licks to her clit as she picked up her breathing and clenched her hands at her sides.

He picked up the pace then, taking note of every little thing that made her cry out or jump with pleasure until she was clutching his hair. He was sucking on her clit now, his middle finger gently sliding in and out of her when she spoke.

"Oh, fuck, keep doing that. I'm... I'm almost..."

He felt her tighten around his finger as she started careening off the edge, and he did his best to keep his eyes on her face, because it had practically been haunting him, wondering what it would be like to see her come undone at his mercy.

To say it was better than he could have ever dreamed was a severe understatement.

Y/N's head leaned back against the door, her chin jutted out so he could see the beautiful contours of her chin and neck. He saw her throat contract as she moaned out his name, saw her chest heave as she struggled to catch her breath, and best of all, he felt her flutter around his finger and mouth. And if that was high inducing, he couldn't wait to feel wat it would be like to replace them with something else.

The mere thought had him trembling.

He pulled back when she huffed out an over-stimulated, "Okay, please, please stop, oh..."

Though it could just as easily have been a painful sentiment, the hungry, dazed look in her eye suggested otherwise.

Spencer stood up and brought his finger to his mouth, still caught up in her taste before she ripped his wrist away and kissed him, threading her fingers through his hair and moaning into his mouth.

Before he could get lost in it, though, she pulled away and nodded. "Okay. I think you're wearing too many clothes."

He tilted his head down in a little flush, and with the help of Y/N, his shirt peeled away from his body and joined her pants and underwear on the floor.

Y/N mirrored his actions, kissing gently down his jaw, neck, and then down his torso. Her hands wandered his bare back as she sunk to her knees. But when her hands moved to his belt, he stopped her.

"W—wait."

She peeled her hands away and looked up at him. "Are you okay? Do you want to slow down?"

He visibly swallowed, and she could read that look on his face that he got whenever he was embarrassed to tell her something. "N—no, I... I want... the opposite, actually."

"I don't follow..."

"Well, I know that... if you return the favor, I won't last very long, a—and I... I don't want to wait anymore."

Y/N smiled, standing again and bringing her hands to rest on his shoulders. "So you're saying you... want me to move this along?"

Spencer smiled at her recollection of his words. "Yes, please."

They travelled to the bed then, Y/N taking off her shirt and bra when they got there, and leaving her completely bare to him. She sat down and reached for his belt, looking up at him as he stood.

"I'm clean and on birth control, do you still want to use a condom? I have some in my table drawer."

He thought about it for a moment before shaking his head. "As long as you're sure."

Y/N undid his belt quickly and threw it to the side, making work of his button and zipper with a smile. "Oh I'm so sure..."

The way she said it made his dick twitch, images running through his mind of how it would look seeing her filled and dripping with—

Her hand was palming him through his underwear now, and it was all he could think about. He had already been hard before, but now it was tilting on the precipice of painful pleasure. So he stopped her, taking a deep breath.

"Lay down?"

"However you want me," Y/N answered, positioning herself on the bed so she was leaning back, her head nicely laid out on the pillows.

Spencer swallowed and removed his underwear before climbing on the bed and kneeling over her. Her legs were already wide, feet flat on either side of him as he positioned himself and got ready.

She reached out and gently grabbed his forearm, a gentle smile on her face. "You ready?"

"Mhm," he answered with a curt nod, bringing himself forward to run the head of his dick through her wetness. They both sighed at the feeling, and Spencer knew he was in trouble.

It was finally happening, he was getting another chance to have sex with her, and if he didn't last long again, he was going to—

"I love you," Y/N said reassuringly, rubbing circles into the hand that rested on the inside of her thigh.

He looked into her eyes and saw that love radiating from them. It warmed his insides and gave him the confidence he needed to finally, slowly push into her as he whispered, "I love you, too."

Once he was fully sheathed inside her, he let out a large breath, leaning down to brace his arms on either side of her head. The pressure of her clenched around him was overwhelming in the best way possible, and he never wanted to move.

But he had to.

She stroked his hair, pressing soft kisses all over his face, and whispered, "I love you."

With those three words, Spencer had the courage to pull back and then forward again, testing the waters and more accurately, his limits. He picked up a slow pace that burned him from the inside out, every muscle and vein in his body on fire with the knowledge that he was finally, properly making love to the woman he was pretty sure he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

But he was holding back. Y/N could tell. He glided through her with ease, sure, but his eyes were squeezed shut like he was concentrating, like he was pacing himself and trying to hold on to this feeling.

She moved her hands down to his back and lightly ran her fingernails over the skin, feeling him tremble under her touch.

"You feel so good, Spence," she whispered. "So perfect for me..."

The words made his hips stutter just a little, and Y/N knew then what the hesitation was.

He wanted to go faster.

So she moved her fingers lower, cupping his ass and scratching featherlight circles into the skin as she moaned. "You like when I talk to you, baby? Does hearing my voice help you out?"

Spencer choked out a groan as he opened his eyes and saw how feral she looked. Her pupils were blown wide, her mouth was pouted cutely, and she smiled as soon as she saw him bite his lip.

"You wanna go faster?" she cooed, digging her fingernails a little harder into the flesh of his ass. "Hmm?"

"F—fuck, Y/N... I..."

"You fuck me however you need to, baby. Don't hold back. Just let it all out."

He groaned out then, his hips picking up speed. She felt the relief and the tension rolling off his body as he finally gave into his urges, and it was just about the sexiest thing she'd ever witnessed.

"That's it, baby... Don't stop... Give it to me, let me feel you..."

He leaned down and kissed her then, pumping into her harder and harder with every second. She moaned out against his mouth, swallowing all his breaths and grunts. Meanwhile her fingers gripped his ass harder, relishing in the feeling of his muscles as they aided in fucking her.

His mouth pulled away as he shoved his face into her neck, and she sighed. "You're doing so good, baby. Fuck... " His hips kept moving, and she clenched around him hard, hoping to gauge his reaction.

Sure enough, he groaned against her neck and canted his hips harder. Every thrust forward now was so deep he hit her g-spot, and the sensation made her sigh with a smile. "That's fucking right, baby... Just like that, don't stop, don't stop. You fe—el so... ohhh."

Her words lit this fire in him that was impossible to put out. His body was hers for the taking, and so he'd give her everything he had. Which is why he picked up the pace and fucked into her as hard as he could, dangerously close to finishing.

"Fuck, Spence, I'm gonna... —na..."

Y/n's moans turned into a quiet scream as she came, clenching tightly around his dick and digging her fingernails into his ass. Her eyes squeezed shut with the swirling patterns of fireworks exploding behind them, meanwhile he twitched inside of her and lost it at last. As she came down, she helped him hold himself there, deep inside her as his cum spilled over in warm increments. They both moaned out at the feeling, all their tension easing and dissipating.

By the end, all that was left between the both of them was a thin sheen of sweat and murmured promises of "I love you."

They could have fallen asleep right there. Y/N's hands slid up his backside, over his arms, and then to the back of his head, combing gently through his disheveled hair as he pressed loving kisses to the patch of skin where her neck met her collarbone. He was still inside her, unwilling to leave the warmth she provided, and she did nothing to object.

"How are you feeling?" she finally asked, opening her eyes.

Spencer tilted his head up to look at her, his heart once again swelling at the adoring look in her eyes. "I'm great."

She laughed, and he laughed with her. And they were silent for a few moments before he spoke again.

"So, uh... What we just did is what we're counting as our real first time together, right? Like, the other time doesn't count?"

Y/N laughed again, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "If you want to count this as our first time, then yes. I'd be more than happy to agree with you."

"Good. This was much better."

Even though she would never hold their first first time together against him, she was inclined to agree.

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[ddarker-dreams]

FINALLY SOMEONE SAID THE TRUTH.

I admit that i enjoyed act 3 but it feels like really rushed i have so much complain with that.

The build up until act 2 was so good it give us so much premise but the final blow si meh. Sorry that i want to share thing long rant with you

1. Why the final talk is with yae, no offense to her but we need ei to explain not to mention she witness khaenriah downfall so she can give us more information, i feel like they do it for the plot armor so they can just keep dragging this

2. So many things that quite inconsistant, the shogun is show no mercy to anyone that even did a little thing outside what she think its right, how come she can still have a talk with signora, when sara is falling like that, and also there is no clarification about sara right now.

The traveler was so done at first they refuse to help thoma and ayaka at the beginning. But they seem so happy and forget everything how come they are not RAGE ( okay maybe this is to bias and personal) when this nation provide nothing about our siblings information and also why they are not mention anything about their problem in ei stroy quest. Its nonsense! She is right in front of youu, ask about your siblings, ask about khaenriah, ask about ukmown god!!. How come they can just forget like that. Also mihoyo really waste the potential about twin things i thing ei will give us so much help bcs of the sympathy that we both rn lost our twin but noooo.

3. Kokomi seem lost some brain cell, she make a very succesfull grand intro but she become meh in act 3, how come a great strategist like her let the sus sponsorship slip just bcs they are desperate, not to mention her screen time is really small and her role seem so unsignificant and it feels lile she is a plain npc.

4. The awesome world quest that we have done doesnt get any mention at all! Inazuma owe us so much with cleansing sakura, thunder sakura, tatarigami, obarashi quest. It has so much potential that yae or ei or anyone else aknowledge what traveler has been done but nooo.

cracks knuckles... i suppose it's time for my promised dissertation. interestingly enough, you touched on a lot of the main issues i had with chapter III.

i think that if i had to pin the main issue, it's a lack of overall cohesiveness? we were jumping all over the place without the chance to ever flesh things out. inazuma is a smaller cast, but i feel like we didn't get to see any of them shine. since i'm most interested in the genshin characters, i'll break down my problems by going over everyone and their (lack) of impact on the story.

was ayaka not questioned or placed under suspicion for being close to thoma before his escape? i wanted to see her broken up over her duties as they relate to the yashiro commission, paired with having someone she genuinely cares about in danger. it would've been an interesting struggle if she was forced to choose one or the other. instead she just kinda took a back seat.

speaking of thoma, i don't even have anything to say, because he just... was there? for .0001 seconds. said "lol this sucks ig" and that's about it. i know we're going to get a story for him in the future since he's a 5* but i'm not getting my hopes up 😭 then in the raiden shogun's character story, man is peachy keen! be upset with the raiden shogun! have some inner conflict! even if it's just using loaded language because he's under surveillance for going against the raiden shogun, that'd be so cool. saying something like,

"Traveler, what's with that expression? Oh please, there's nothing to worry about. We're under the Statue of the Omnipresent God's protection. Nothing bad has ever happened here." *wink*

i also don't know what to say about gorou. he was... there....... i think. what is he fighting for? what are the stakes for him? what makes him place so much trust into kokomi? i'm out of things to say about him because i don't remember anything he did or said.

kokomi... oh kokomi... i was so hyped. so excited. i thought that maybe we could see a foil to the raiden shogun. that she'd have a moment where she's forced to realize, just like her opponent, sacrifices must be made that will hurt people who will never understand why she made them. or maybe something to show her military prowess. but instead she just accepts a mysterious patron's help (?), sees her people aging like the grateful dead from JJBA, and goes oh well. that sucks. what can ya do. oh bye traveler i guess, good luck with that. ????????????? HUH... similar case to thoma where she's gonna get a character story but like. she won't be the leader of the resistance anymore. that was her whole shtick. they took her shtick away. also she forced me to interact with more NPCs whose names i've already forgotten so i'm tilted about that still.

KUJOU SARA... AN INJUSTICE. A DISGRACE. a slap to my woman loving face. the build up was there. yae miko's comments about sara probably knowing the tenryou commission is involved in shady dealings, but is choosing not to think about it. sara being forced to confront reality and challenge her adopted father with the truth. being able to blaze a new path for herself in the process. when she started running to the raiden shogun i was ultra hyped up. sara, a devotee to the shogun for so long, was about to see her god interacting with the same people who led inazuma to this awful state. how would she react? would she stay ignorant, like yae miko so coyly said, choosing to look away in favor of following her god's footsteps? or would she be forced to recognize the raiden shogun isn't as divine as she once thought, and challenge her belief system?

we open the door to see the raiden shogun. the loading screen ensues. the camera pans to the ominous room, clouded in darkness, hinting at the ominous confrontation that is to come. the music takes a serious timbre. and then...

well fuck that potential character arc i guess. (we still don't know what sara made of any of this since she poofed out of existence from the story at this point)

kazuha also was handed a similar treatment. we've been with him for a while longer now. he is our introduction into inazuma, the one who first gets us emotionally involved by regaling us with the bittersweet tale of friendship that led him to becoming a wanted criminal. a kind soul who loves nature yet was dealt a cruel hand by fate, forced to watch his home nation turn into a hostile place, where his dear friend ultimately perished as a result. we get the scene with his friend's vision lighting back up. he parries a block from the raiden shogun, in the same area where his friend was killed by her. the parallels. the drama. except this time, he wasn't too late. he protected the traveler where he "failed" to protect his friend in the past. did he feel redemption at this? or was it a bittersweet reminder of what could've been?

WELL i guess we'll never know because we didn't get to talk to him again 😭 idk who got a bait and switch worse, him or sara. jesus christ mihoyo.

then we have signora. why is the raiden shogun talking to her? does she know about the gnosis being taken, and if she doesn't, what was her plan to get it from the archon? what does she think about scaramouche? and oh, okay, we're fighting here now. good fight + god tier music. pog pog. okay, now we've beaten her up, and raiden shogun wyd— wait no not signora her lore is still on CUPS not YET raiden shogun and— ah she's dead. okay. non nerds who didn't read artifact lore are going to know nothing about her. signora has such an interesting story, and yet... well. ok.

then we get raiden shogun redemption (?) arc. i was hype for this as well, though at that point, idk why i bothered being hype. i knew they were gonna do a cute power of friendship something or another, and i'm good with that, so long as it's executed well. what i was envisioning was like seven different buffs to correspond with the seven different visions, the dreams of those whose ambitions were stolen serving as the spear to penetrate the raiden shogun's heart of stone. maybe a hydro vision giving us extra healing for a time, with the voice acting over it being like,

"Even if the rest of the world forgets us, let our will carry you through this one final time. Succeed where we couldn't, Traveler."

so on and so forth.

but instead we got— you get the idea at this point. why bother spelling it out anymore.

at that point i was surprised the raiden shogun didn't go "oopsie woopsie!! we made a fucky wucky!!!" because that was the vibe i was getting. i love ei, don't get me wrong, but i wanted to see her challenged with what she had done to inazuma in the past year. maybe meeting NPC #2345259 who lost her sister to the vision decree or something, reminding ei of the love she held for her sister... being forced to come to terms with the extent of what she's done in pursuit of eternity.

anyway. please for the love of god mihoyo hire better writers for the main story. that is all i ask. thank you.

[tormentedscentedcandles]

so i tutor at the middle school that's next to my school and these kids have been failed by the education system so badly

the group i had were trying to correct their test on scale factor and i was asking what they knew and they were like, "what's a scale factor?"

and like i cant outright tell them things i have to ask them guiding questions and i cant fucking teach them the material

and the scale factor on the question they all got wrong was 1 : 2 which was stated in the problem

and they couldn't find it

and they couldnt figure out how to compute that and they were so confused and they didnt know units of measurement

it was 1in : 2 m. as in inches and meters

and they read it as "in" and "em"

and some of them didnt know how to use a ruler and the question wanted them to draw out the shape they were working with.

and i had to show them the inches and centimetres sides and how we use the imperial system and how most of the world uses the metric system. and they straight up couldnt figure it out. they didnt know any units of measurement

i cant be expected to teach these kids math, especially with the way the tutoring is structured. it's socratic, i just guide them in discussions

but how can i guide them if they don't know how to even start?

and i talked to a senior and she was like, "yeah i did math last week and most of them didnt know their multiplication tables. i asked one of them if they would be interested in practicing at home and he was like 'no, my mom doesnt care so i dont either'"

their families don't care and they have no motivation to learn and it's extremely sad

they're from mostly from lower income hispanic families and they do manual labour jobs and so that's what the kids see themselves doing so they dont see a point in putting effort in school

and it's just really sad? like i strive for perfection and for a good university and these kids are so behind and have failed multiple grades but the school system doesnt have enough money for repeats so kids just keep going until they drop out

and they've just accepted it and dont see any other way out and it makes me grateful for my privilege but also i want to help and i feel bad cause im not doing enough or anything really

[kellinrk800]

toko fukawa comphet no i don’t take criticism

nobody will even see this because my account just. doesnt get traction but here have a ramble abt toko’s backstory and how much i firmly believe her attraction was comphet.

spoilers for thh, sdr2 and udg

tw// ab/se, n/glect, severe bullying

toko was severely neglected and unwanted when she was a child. she grew up with two mothers and one father due to both sleeping with the same man and neither wanting their child which caused her to be mistreated. once she was locked in a closet and forced to stay there for three days without food. clearly, she grew up in a household completely devoid of healthy love. genocide jack’s development was likely a response to cope with the traumatic experiences.

her time in elementary was no different. in third grade, she was used as a scapegoat for stolen money and her classmates tied her to the jungle gym with a garden hose as punishment.

her first real “love” was with a boy who she had been friends with since elementary but when she finally confessed through a letter, she found it pinned to the bulletin board to mock her. this was genocide jack’s first kill, leading me to believe that her murders were actually a form of protection.

on one occasion (and most likely more considering her difficult relationship with understanding rejection) she was ghosted halfway through on a date after spending three days and nights planning it so that she would not mess it up. she later found out that the boy only asked her out because he lost a bet.

the most likely only healthy representation of love she ever has was through media, which is arguably extremely heteronormativity and the actual healthiness of how relationships are presented in media is debatable.

she internalised all of these things happening to her and believed she deserved them somehow, building her inferiority complex. she began to assume that people only expected bad of her and self victimises herself almost on instinct despite her nature to express opinions without care for others most of the time. her self esteem is extremely low and she often worries about being considered an “old hag” in ultra despair girls.

toko fell in love with the idea of love, not an actual person. at some point she turned to novels and writing as a way to express her emotions and she used that passion to create works of art through her novels and created a toxic idolisation of the perfect relationship with nothing but media, her family’s relationships and her past experiences to go off.

she began to let herself get hurt and internalise it which ended up building her inferiority complex even further to the point of becoming unhealthily infatuated with anyone she saw fit as a stand in for the dreamy perfect people that made her books succeed.

time and time again genocide jack and toko were mistreated in their relationships, causing their system to suffer greatly. jack began to kill anyone toko saw fit as a perfect romantic interest to protect them both, but this most likely caused her own mental health to decline as well, leading to the aggressive, startling and manic personality we saw in the games.

toko began to both idolise and fear falling in love. while she knew they would most likely be killed and she would have to cope with knowing that the police could come knocking any day if they put the pieces together, she also still purposed her life around being in a perfect relationship because it was now causing her to gain traction through her novels.

this only furthered her unhealthy infatuation with relationships. she became determined to find a man who fit her description of the perfect man and would not mislead, use, mock or hurt toko in hopes that he would not be killed and she would finally achieve her dream.

enter byakuya togami. blonde, blue eyed, rich, cold and most importantly, entirely unattainable. he was an ideal stand in, especially considering the circumstances of the killing game (jack’s unique killing style would immediately be found out). she was able to fantasise from afar without ever really getting as severely hurt as she had in the past because he simply did not care to provide her his attention.

jack had two options. kill byakuya and get executed, or suck it up. clearly you can tell which option she chose. in addition, she had all of her memories from prior to the game which most likely slightly numbed her thirst for blood. by the end of ultra despair girls, she has grown a respect for toko, a softness for komaru and even calmed jack down to the point where it’s suggested that she no longer uses her skills to murder but instead fight despair.

in fact, near the end, toko is acutely aware of what is happening despite the fact jack was fronting (they don’t usually share memories, only emotions), suggesting they may have slightly integrated but i don’t really want to make assumptions considering i do not have did and am not educated enough to speak confidently about did.

ironically, the killing game was actually good for both of their mental health’s. i’ll only be talking about toko but in ultra despair girls she was emotionally stronger and more mature. she believed she finally had a purpose other than romance and that she could fight against all odds. she even credits makoto for her newfound courage. she criticises cowards and those that remind her of her past self. she is willing to challenge her fears.

komaru had an amazingly powerful and positive effect on them both. her softness, optimism and empathy help toko’s character develop even further. when komaru tries to give in to despair, toko encourages her to face her fears. toko, who was before extremely afraid and uncomfortable with being touched, is now willing to comfort and even hug komaru. she claims she’s finally found a true friend (that’s actually human, can’t forget kameko the stinkbug) and that she found hope in her.

komaru admires toko and doesnt really mind her split personality, instead just considering it “a bit strange”, which is a noticeable difference from how she was treated by everyone else for it. toko is protective of komaru during chapter two due to her suspicion of shirokuma. later, they even sleep in the same bed.

however, when toko risks komaru’s life for byakuya, they get into an argument in which toko accuses komaru of manipulating her with terms such as “friends”, which leads to komaru showing that she really does trust her.

later, this arguably resolved after servant forces jack and toko to fight against komaru for byakuya. they fight back against servant and komaru forgives her because they are friends, which makes toko extremely happy, so much that she blushed and admits she has never had a real friend before. she thanks komaru genuinely for the first time and they try to become real friends.

toko swears she will help komaru with anything she can’t do by herself, just like komaru would do for her.

toko even stays by her side to the point of rejecting the opportunity of going to future foundation to stay with komaru :)

in the end of danganronpa goodbye despair, which is set after ultra despair girls, kyoko reminds byakuya that someone is waiting for him and he jokes that she shouldn’t remind him of “something so horrifying”. and honestly i think the fact he was able to joke about it shows that perhaps toko and byakuya found a somewhat healthy relationship as friends, acquaintances, or even just bearing eachother’s presence.

a notable addition that didn’t really fit anywhere else is toko’s scrapped execution. “first kiss prank” is the title and it consists of byakuya running towards her before toko gets hit by a roller. that says enough about her biggest fears and how badly her past memories affected her.

in conclusion, toko fukawa’s obsession with byakuya was comphet due to pressure from the media and her toxic ideals. the fact she was able to form a healthy relationship with komaru is hhh and i could talk about them for hours. tokomaru is the second closest thing we have to inmedia stated canon (fuck kodaka’s statement me and the homies hate kodaka’s statement about naegiri /j)

sources: toko fukawa’s fandom wiki, genocide jack’s fandom wiki, free time events, transcripts

[pirunika]

Who is your LI in each book? How did you choose them?

thank you for asking 🥰 ill reply abt ones i actually care about 💀

Heavens Secret > Mimi, then Malbonte : essentially i went w Mimi bc i loved her design (who doesn't) but while her badass independent attitude is charming u see there's sth soft and vulnerable in her and i found her route very satisfying,, her love of plays, relationship with her father (rip btw ;-;) is just so precious... loved how she gets jealous and angry and won't let the mc walk all over her,, eventually I went with Malbonte bc he reminded me of another li I loved from another (now dead) app... that I didn't love tbh, I love an against the system character but I guess his 'love' wasn't enough for me... well my character. I love his backstory though and he is a very interesting character

Sails in the Fog > Chris Chris Chris... and Manta : so I played this story twice n each time I couldn't pick anyone but Chris (and not only bc I headcanon her as a lesbian and didn't want men to hit on her 🤭) she is very brave, she is beautiful, she is good with knives ~ what more could a girl want! Seriously through I think she s my favourite in the whole app with her bashfulness in emotional moments, protectiveness and fun loving personality. She has a bleak upbringing - doesn't let it bring her down, knows what she wants... yes she's very young (18?) and you feel this restless energy, but it doesn't feel sexualised,, in my story she kept disguising as a guy and they lived that way which I felt was the most respectful option like she doesn't need ball gowns to be a woman,,, and obviously in that time it'd be more comfortable if they went around as a man and woman instead of 2 women... Manta is just too mysterious I couldn't not pick his scenes but I never went w becoming his 'slave' route... the thing between them was just a brief intense experience nothing more. He s interesting

Path of the Valkyrie > Liod : y'all if u know me u know I played this book more than anything so I romanced all the characters. Liod supremacy fr. I love her I think she s so so interesting and different than other characters like her --- which is tall and sorta likes fighting, strong, you know the type. She'd usually be weirdly dominant and aggressive (well she is aggressive but not like that) a badly written wlw subversion of this big brute barbarian li.... But no she s anything but that. Liod is really thoughtful, she s smart, she s not afraid of asking for help, while she s protective of the mc she also teaches her how to fight and supports her. She's really loving and in moments she becomes vulnerable its clear to see she cares a lot for the mc u see this w/o anyone clearly saying those 3 words I call it good writing. They don't need to be constantly outwit each other w the mc tbh I'm not fond of that constantly bickering couple trope so I love the loving calm understanding these 2 have going on. Now I also really love Andvari he is very different too like with his delicate build or polite speech,,, honestly wish I could do both their routes

Theodora > Friedrich or Yoke : man i was really set on being a second mommy to Bruno and suddenly this shy german soldier got my attention... mostly i kind of related to him for his personality, interests 'wanting to feel safe and cared for by his so' and aversion to conflicts... He might be one of the top 5 characters i relate to rn.... ~ no but rlly i loved how he was trying to help that kid, trying to make up for the fact he's with the invading force and how he so obviously doesnt want to be there... unless he s like a spy which is a theory of mine... Doesnt help that i have a thing for blond men too.. Still its too early to say more. With Yoke i kind of loved the single mom representation? like some people have kids they still find love w others, its a thing. How she stands behind her decisions — during ww1 nonetheless! She might not be very flashy rn but i find her bravery and refusal to get shy her life and choices such as not taking very dangerous jobs bc she s the only parent her son has - very attractive. She s lovely.

Kali Call of Darkness > Ratan : im not gonna lie the first time i saw him i was like omg please be a love interest 🥺 He is one beautiful man. He is charming. He is definitely keeping secrets. Probably the dangerous kind. But man i cant help love him. The sensual way he speaks during the diamond scenes, his politeness and the way he urges the mc to be bolder w/o overstepping boundaries, and reminds her of her worth and significance and strength as a woman is just 👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽 very beautiful... Something I never saw before. I love how they are both surprised at this intense cinnection they got (which i hope is a sign of something something 👀) He explains everything so delicately i find his dialogues to be one of best (perhaps #1 for me rn) in the whole app.

Arcanum > Liam : i kinda lost interest in this book but Liam is still a fave,,, kinda lost my feelings tho 🤷🏽‍♀️ so my professional opinion abt Liam is that he's pretty af and i wanna brush his hair