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suituuup · 4 years

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pieces - chapter sixteen

Five years ago, Chloe dropped off the face of the Earth. Beca didn’t expect to see her again dancing in a strip club, out of all places.

rating: E (drug use and emotional abuse in early chapters)

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Chloe woke up sometime mid-morning. She was a bit drowsy, but memories of what had transpired earlier that day quickly sprang back to mind as soon as she tried to sit up and a blinding pain shot through her stomach.

She couldn’t feel her legs, and she had a catheter put in.

The c-section felt like a surreal out-of-body experience. Despite being awake, Chloe couldn’t seem to grasp what was actually happening. It felt like a bad dream, and her brain couldn’t grasp it as reality.

Twisting her head to her left, she caught sight of a note and winced as she grabbed it. A soft smile curved her lips, and she reached for her phone next, seeing three photos and a video from Beca.

All of Bean, along with a message dating from three minutes ago which made Chloe smile with relief.

Beca [11:04am]

Bean is doing good. The nurse told me she’s doing well with feeding. Strong like her Mama.

The day was long, as Chloe could do nothing besides laying there or pumping milk. Beca visited every couple of hours, but Chloe would rather have her keep Bean company while she couldn’t. She texted her parents and the girls to tell them Bean was born but still in the NICU, and facetimed with Aubrey. She slept some more afterward, but towards the end of the day, she started feeling anxious to meet her daughter.

“You should go home and get some rest,” she told Beca when it pushed ten pm.

Beca stifled a yawn. “I’m okay.”

Chloe gave her a pointed look. “You look exhausted, Bec. You haven’t slept in over 36 hours. I’m fine. Bean is doing good, and the nurse told me she'd keep me posted frequently throughout the night. Besides, they won’t let you stay at the NICU all night.”

Beca seemed to hesitate, eventually relenting with a sigh. “Fine. I’ll keep my phone on though, so call me if there’s anything.”

“I will.” She smiled when Beca bent down to kiss her forehead, leaning against the contact. “Night, Bec.”

Despite her anxiousness, Chloe managed to catch a handful of hours of sleep. As promised, the nurse had kept her posted on Bean’s health, and nothing alarming had popped up. Beca was back at 6 am, armed with a coffee and a bagel.

“Oh man, I love you,” Chloe mumbled, taking the coffee from her. The one from yesterday was cold by the time she woke up, and she appreciated that first sip in close to seven months.

“Are you talking to me or the coffee?” Beca teased, smirking.

“The coffee,” Chloe replied, sticking her tongue out. “Did you manage to get some sleep?”

“Yep. Seven hours.”

“Ready to go see your baby?” The nurse asked as she breezed inside Chloe’s room with a wheelchair.

Chloe beamed. “Yes, more than ready.” She sat up with a grimace and turned, letting her legs hang off the side of the bed while she waited for the discomfort to pass. Then, with Beca’s help, she shrugged on her robe and lowered herself in the wheelchair.

Her heart picked up with anticipation as she was rolled down towards the NICU. She thoroughly washed her hands, as did Beca, and Beca took over with the wheelchair pushing duties, slowing it to a stop in front of the right incubator.

Tears filled Chloe’s eyes, but she managed to blink them away so they wouldn’t blur her vision as she took in the sight of her daughter for the very first time. “Oh my goodness,” she breathed out, reaching out through the hole to touch her hand.

“Hi, Bean. I’m your Mama,” Chloe choked on that word, tears spilling down her cheeks despite her best attempt to make them go away. “Hello. You’re okay,” she soothed when the newborn scrunched up her face and kicked her legs. “Mama’s here.”

The NICU nurse standing by observed the scene with a smile. “Do you already have a name for her?”

“I do,” Chloe replied, unable to tear her gaze away. “Marleigh June Beale.” June was her grandmother’s middle name, and Chloe wanted to honor her in some way. “Aka MJ. Or Bean.”

“I feel like Bean is going to stick around,” Beca commented with a soft chuckle.

“I’m not able to hold her yet, am I?” Chloe asked the nurse as she wrote down Marleigh’s name on a small board.

The woman shook her head. “Not until she’s stable enough.”

Chloe nodded, pushing her disappointment away. While she was aching to hold her, she felt grateful enough that they were both okay after that huge scare.

“She’s so small,” Chloe repeated to Beca when the nurse left. Marleigh’s tiny fingers wrapped around her pointer one and Chloe smiled. “That’s right, Bean. I’m right here. I’m not leaving.”

Except she obviously had to during the night, but she was right back as early as she could, gazing at her daughter for hours on end. The odds were looking good, with Marleigh gaining weight every day and her lungs getting a bit stronger, too. She was switched to a C-PAP ventilating machine instead of a tube down her throat on the third morning.

Chloe was discharged on her fourth morning, and once visiting hours were over at the NICU, she reluctantly left Marleigh’s bedside and drove home with Beca.

“You alright?” Beca asked as she pulled out of the parking lot.

Chloe nodded, wiping a tear away. “Yeah. It’s just-- weird to leave her behind. I know we’ll be back first thing tomorrow morning, but… it’s not the same.”

“Yeah, I get it,” Beca agreed, reaching over to hold her hand.

It had been three days, but Chloe was still extremely sore from her c-section. Simple things such as getting out of the car by herself were difficult, and she found herself in a pickle as she stood in the bathroom, unable to take her clothes off.

“Bec?” She called out over the sound of the shower running. “Can you come in here for a sec?”

Beca popped her head inside a few seconds later. “What’s up?”

“Can you lower my leggings for me?” Her nose scrunched up. “I can’t bend over.”

“Yeah, of course,” Beca said, stepping inside and shutting the door behind her. She slid them down and Chloe stepped out of them, then undid the last few buttons of her shirt and shrugged it off. Her incision looked pretty raw, and she was sporting a five-month bump, but that didn’t bother her. She knew it would deflate with time as her uterus went back to its normal size. “Can you um, do you mind getting in with me?” Her cheeks heated up over the request. “I can’t raise my arms at all.”

Beca smiled sympathetically. “Yeah, of course.” She stripped down to her underwear and a sports bra while Chloe stepped under the hot spray in just her underwear.

It wasn’t anything Beca hadn’t seen before, and she really needed to get her nipples rinsed off after pumping.

“Oh my god, this feels amazing,” she gushed as soon as the spray hit her sore muscles. It was her first actual shower in over three days, and Chloe felt gross. She felt the loofah against her back, rubbing in slow circles, and bit back a moan. While Beca did her back, she was able to wash her front and her face with slow, calculated movements so she didn’t strain her incision.

“Shampoo?” Beca asked.

“If you don’t mind.”

“Tilt your head back a bit if you can.”

Chloe did so, holding back another sound of satisfaction as Beca massaged her scalp, working the shampoo through her red curls. She stepped back under the spray to rinse it off, then turned the water off.

“I’ll go get you a towel,” Beca said, stepping out and reaching for a large towel under the sink. She wrapped it around Chloe’s body, then grabbed another one for herself. She wordlessly helped Chloe dry off and once in her bedroom, helped her dress once more and towel-dry her hair because it turned out being able to raise her arms was handy for a lot of things.

“How you feelin’?” Beca asked ten minutes later when Chloe padded to the kitchen.

“Better,” Chloe said as she poured herself a glass of water. She nibbled on her bottom lip. “Anxious, though. I don’t like being so far away from her. I just hope she’s okay.”

Beca nodded. “They would have called if she wasn’t.”

“I know.” Chloe cleared her throat. “I didn’t get a chance to thank you properly, but you were my rock during the c-section. I was terrified, but having you there with me and knowing you were looking out for her after… it really helped. So thank you.”

“Of course,” Beca murmured. “I’ll always look out for my favorite girls.”

Chloe smiled and stepped up for a loose hug. “I’m going to get some sleep.”

“Goodnight, Chlo.”

Chloe was greeted with great news when they reached the NICU the next morning. Marleigh was deemed stable enough to spend some time outside of the incubator, which meant Chloe would get to hold her.

“Skin-to-skin contact is very beneficial at this age, so you’re welcome to open your shirt to lay her directly on your chest,” the nurse told Chloe as she opened the incubator and fiddled a bit with the wires.

“Okay,” Chloe said, taking a seat on the chair in the corner and undoing her buttons. She gasped when the nurse gently transferred her into her arms.

Marleigh fussed for a bit while the nurse adjusted the CPAP over her head, then settled down, curling up against Chloe’s chest.

“Hello my sweet girl,” she whispered, brushing a kiss to her red hair. Her heart felt fit to burst, and happy tears stung behind her eyes as she gently rubbed her back. “I love you so much.”

“Smile for the pic, Mama Chlo,” Beca requested as she held her phone up. Chloe looked up and did so, finding it hard to keep her eyes away from Marleigh more than a few seconds at a time. “Can I send it to the group chat and your parents?”

“Yeah,” Chloe breathed out, her gaze flickering back down to Bean. She cleared her throat and started to sing softly.

“She's got a smile that it seems to me

Reminds me of childhood memories

Where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky

Now and then when I see her face

She takes me away to that special place

And if I stare too long, I'd probably break down and cry…

Whoa, oh, oh

Sweet child o' mine.”

It took another ten days for Marleigh to be taken off the ventilator. Chloe spent every day at the NICU, holding her, singing to her, reading her stories, or simply holding her hand. Beca wasn’t there all the time, tying up loose ends at the studio so she could take four weeks off whenever Marleigh got to go home. She still made it to keep Marleigh company while Chloe headed to her NA meetings or therapy sessions because Chloe didn’t want to miss any.

Marleigh couldn’t feed on her own just yet and was struggling to regulate her temperature, those being the two milestones she needed to reach before being cleared from the NICU.

“Chlo, she doesn’t like it when I’m the one doing it,” Beca mumbled, looking slightly panicky as Marleigh fussed while she tried to change her diaper. “Or maybe she just doesn’t like me, period.”

Chloe had done it quite a few times by now, but it was Beca’s first attempt at changing a baby diaper in apparently, ever.

Chloe rolled her eyes, stifling a laugh. “She likes you. Now open the diaper.”

Beca did, grimacing as a foul smell escaped from it. “Holy shit. Dude. That’s nasty.” She folded the dirty diaper and put it away, then gently grabbed Marleigh’s kicking feet. “How can someone cute like you make something so stinky? I feel like your Mama knew that was a bad one and let Auntie Beca do the filthy job. Don’t you think?”

Chloe wasn’t sure how much more her heart could take. It seemed to swell a bit more with each interaction she witnessed, and would soon run out of room in her chest.

Wipes and a clean diaper later, Beca lifted Marleigh into her arms. “We did it, Mar!” She showed her hand to the two weeks old. “High-five? No?” Beca smirked as she sat down in the rocking chair. “You’re hard to impress, MJ.”

Over Marleight’s third week in the NICU, Chloe tried breastfeeding for the first time. It took a good minute to get her to latch on properly, but once she did, she was a real trooper.

“How does that feel?” Beca asked as she sat in the opposite chair, observing the scene before her. “Does it hurt?”

“No. It’s a bit weird, but it doesn’t hurt,” Chloe said as she gazed down, obsessed with the way Marleigh’s ears moved back and forth as she nursed.

“Oh, Aubrey’s here,” Beca said when her phone buzzed. “I’ll go get her.”

By this point, Beca was considered the other parent by the NICU staff, so they were allowed an additional visitor. Marleigh’s stomach was still fairly small, so Chloe was done feeding by the time Aubrey arrived.

“Hi,” Chloe greeted with a bright smile as she paced around, rubbing Marleigh’s back to get her to burp. When she did, Chloe pressed a kiss to the side of her head. “Good job, Bean.” She focused back on Aubrey. “Wanna hold her?”

Aubrey’s head bobbed up and down. Chloe didn’t think she’d ever seen her best friend this excited, though she could tell Aubrey was trying to conceal it. Once she’d sat down on the chair previously occupied by Beca, Chloe gently lowered Marleigh down in her arms.

“Oh my gosh,” Aubrey gasped, cradling her in the crook of her elbow. Marleigh was much more alert now, her big blue eyes staring up at that new face. “Hello, Marleigh. I’m your Auntie Aubrey.”

Tears pricked behind Chloe’s eyes as she snapped a few pictures. She had about a thousand of Marleigh by now.

By the fourth week, Marleigh was wire-free and was moved to an open incubator. She still needed to gain more weight until they could go home, but it was only a matter of a couple of weeks at most. Chloe now got to dress her, her first official onesie being the Bella one. She snapped a photo and sent it to the group chat, then had Beca snap one of the two of them as Chloe was wearing Beca’s barden hoodie, too.

They were cleared to go home when Marleigh reached five weeks and doubled her birth weight. She still looked unbelievably small once she was strapped in her car seat, ready to set off. Chloe gifted the nursing staff with a basket full of goodies and a heartfelt note for their devotion and kindness over the six weeks Marleigh spent at the NICU.

“You got it?” Chloe asked as Beca slid the car seat into position once they reached her car.

A click was heard and Beca cast her a smirk. “I’m a pro already.”

Chloe chuckled and slid in the backseat so she was by Marleigh’s side for the ride home. They reached Beca’s place just after eleven that morning, Marleigh having fallen asleep in the car.

Their first afternoon home unfolded smoothly. It was weird and a bit scary to take care of Marleigh without having a nurse nearby, but Chloe knew it was just a question of habit.

“How’s the water?”

“Good, I think. You should check it, too,” Beca said as she turned off the faucet.

Chloe dipped her hand in, then lowered Marleigh into the baby plastic tub they had set up in the master bathroom one. Marleigh started crying as soon as her butt touched the water, her features scrunching up.

“Oh no, it’s okay,” Chloe soothed. “I’ll be quick, Bean.”

Beca started singing to distract Marleigh from crying.

“Shorty get down, good Lord

Baby, got 'em open all over town

Strictly biz, she don't play around

Cover much grounds, got game by the pound.”

Chloe stifled a laugh and bit back a comment because it was actually working, Marleigh settling down while she rubbed a cloth over her body, then gently shampooed her hair.

“I can’t believe you sang that song,” Chloe said, shaking her head as she rubbed Marleigh dry a few minutes later.

“Hey, it worked,” Beca argued softly, huffing a laugh. “My girl’s got good taste.”

After putting on a fresh diaper and a onesie, Chloe fed Marleigh, then swaddled her. The baby didn’t stir as Chloe lowered her into her crib after singing her to sleep, and she turned on her night light and the baby monitor before quietly shuffling out of the room.

First day home from the hospital? Nailed it.

#bechloe fanfic

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losingitinjersey · 5 years

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Ten days in and I’m officially in love. Erp’s (extremely detailed) birth story coming atcha below.

Friday morning I woke up after having taken my first half dose of Unisome so I got the perfect night sleep with minimal grogginess in the morning. Despite the good night sleep I felt off when I woke up. Had some loose stools and slight nausea which was weird for me. It made me take my time getting ready.

I got the pleasure of seeing Kevin in the morning because he was going in for his surgery rotation exam so he had a later start time than his recent 4am mornings. At 8:15 a.m. I was putting on a compression sock and the next thing I know I feel myself peeing/leaking on the fresh pad I just put on. This was unexpected since I literally had just gone to the bathroom and this was too much wetness for a normal bladder leak, especially since I didn’t cough/sneeze/laugh to cause it. Then some cramping started and I immediately started sobbing at the realization of what this meant and got myself to the bathroom immediately. (all while wearing still just half of one compression sock)

I had been texting with my sister that morning (since she’s the only other person awake on the east coast that I text with prior to 8a.m.), told her earlier that I felt weird so she was the first person I texted that I think my water had broken. She told me to call her immediately and she calmed me down and was so happy/excited for me. She said she’d handle calling my mom (who it was 5a.m. for in California) and told me to call the OB’s office. Mind you, Kevin is now 15 minutes into his exam and when he left that morning he said, “this will all be over in 6 hours” so I’m going into this thinking he’d be completely unreachable until 2 p.m. I text my mother-in-law, as I’m waiting for a call back from the OB, to keep her updated and she immediately calls me and tells me to call an ambulance or get an Uber and to get to the hospital asap. The fact that my pain was coming from my vagina and not lower back or abdomen had her worried and she wanted me checked out right away.

Even though I was in pain, and it was increasing, I didn’t think an ambulance was necessary so I texted my next door neighbor to see if she could drive me but she wasn’t responding. Katie, my other neighbor, was in Jamaica so she wasn’t an option. In the meantime, the OB office calls back, I describe what’s happening and she confirms that yes, I need to go to the hospital and she will meet me there. Thankfully, the woman that’s on call is my favorite person out of the entire office of 15 providers, so I’m happy it’s her (Nell, a midwife). Shortly after I hang up I order a Lyft and they were en route before I started getting myself dressed. As we had planned to do all of our last minute prep work this weekend since Kevin would finally be done with his intense surgery rotation, we didn’t have a hospital bag packed. I put on the only clothes that were clean(ish), comfy, and nearby, along with some slippers and took one last belly bump pic before locking up my house, saying goodbye to my cat (who was thoroughly freaked out due to my cries of pain), and waddling to the Lyft parked outside my house.

I tried to act cool in the car not wanting the dude to know he was transferring a woman actively in labor to the hospital but there was a good chance he was aware given how stiffly I sat in his car and how my body language read not to talk to me. Thankfully, the hospital is nearby and 15 minutes later he pulled up to the entrance and I got out of the car and started sobbing again. I walk through the hospital doors and see the single security/registration guy and tell him I’m in labor and ask where I go. He starts giving me directions and I just repeat back to him verbally and with my hand, “three?” and he confirms yes, third floor. (Surprised he didn’t grab me a wheelchair or accompany me). I make my way to the elevators, still sobbing, hit the button and head up to the third floor with a woman in scrubs also getting off on that floor. I walk out of the elevator, stop and look around at all the signs trying to figure out where to go from here. She tells me to turn left so I blindly walk that way alone. I come to a door with a button so I hit the button and am buzzed in. I’m now in a long hallway, not knowing where to go or why no one is helping this pregnant crying woman.

I come up to a desk, eyes blurred with tears and see a sign in book so I grab the pen not sure what else to do and a woman behind the counter comes up so I look up at her, tell her I’m in labor and I don’t know what to do. She then walks with me to a group of nurses and one of them walks me back into a room and has me sit down on a hospital bed, gets me a gown and talks me through a bunch of questions. At one point she makes a comment about how I haven’t gone through any classes. And I’m like, what? Lady, I’ve gone to every single one. She sounded surprised and asked why I was crying then. Um, I’m alone and going through this for the first time - I’m allowed to express how I’m feeling and that feeling is incredibly scared.

Nell comes in and checks where I’m at and it hurts really bad. She says she can’t tell how dilated I am because something about how my cervix hasn’t gone through a pregnancy before but she did say that she could feel Erp’s head. Which shocked me since at my appointment on Monday they commented about how high up the baby was. At this point, I’m then left mostly alone to go through waves of contractions, which hurt far far far worse than I ever expected, with a nurse randomly coming in and out. I’m given an IV and a few medications to curb the pain which were helpful but I definitely was still experiencing an exorbitant amount of discomfort and anguish.

Finally around 10:30 a.m. they start talking about getting me an epidural which needed to wait until I had my blood work processed. By 11 a.m. Kevin had arrived just as they started to administer my epidural. I was really glad he was there even though I was so blinded by pain that I wasn’t able to do much but grip the bed rails and ride them out. After my epidural took effect I felt SO MUCH BETTER. I had this extreme euphoria that made me forget all the pain I had just experienced. I remember even thinking to myself that it wasn’t that bad, I could totally get pregnant again asap.

I’m then checked again and to everyone’s surprise I’m already dilated to a 10. I couldn’t believe it. From what I thought labor was like I thought it would take hours upon hours if not days to get to a 10, not 3 hours. Nell has me hang out for an hour and a half while the epidural wore off so I could get some feeling back to start pushing. Around 1 p.m. I start actively pushing in spurts with the help of Kevin and the nurse. During this time, Kevin takes the 5-10 minute down times to work on completing the paper he has to submit by 4 p.m. Remember that 6 hour time frame he told me about this morning? That included writing a paper so while his test was done in 2.5 hours and he immediately came to the hospital after finishing the test and checking his phone (their phones and all belongings are kept in a separate room during exams so he didn’t realize I was in labor until after he finished the test). So he was able to write, finish and submit his paper all while helping hold my legs and coaching me through pushing. What a man!

At 4:32 p.m. I made my final push (which hurt a lot more than the rest of the pushes) and out came Erp. They placed this warm, slimy baby on my stomach (she had an incredibly short umbilical cord so that was as high as they could place her) and the first words out of my mouth were, “what the fuck.” I “knew” a baby came at the end of this pregnancy but it was still so so so weird to now have this tiny creature with me. Kevin cut the cord and they placed her on my chest as I came to grips with the fact that she’s ours. The nurse was snapping pictures and they all came out with me having the most puzzled faces of disbelief but Kevin’s smile is beaming through :) At birth her stats were 6lbs 14oz and 21 inches. We stayed at the hospital for the next two days and were discharged the afternoon of Sunday, December 20th. (also shown above is the intense rats nest in my hair from going through labor and staying in bed for two days)

I’ve gone through such intense waves of emotion since my water broke. From extreme fear, to the highest high of happiness euphoria, to sobbing at just looking at her and realizing how blessed we are, to irritability and general moodiness, to very deep sorrow at the realization that I don’t get to stay home and live this life with her - that I have to go back to work in an extremely short time span and hand her off to a stranger (who’s to be determined). I’ve never felt mood swings more powerful than this in my life and I’d be lying if I said things are all just peachy keen. I’ve never experienced sleep deprivation like this nor this strength of hormone shifts. Yes, we’re healthy and happy and incredibly blessed but this has been much more emotionally charged than I anticipated, both positively and negatively.

On the whole, though, we’re doing really really well. She’s a great baby who is above all healthy, rarely fussy, is a self soother, and loves snuggling. She’s my little squish and I get excited every time I get to see her, which is at least every three hours due to her feeding schedule.

Thank you all for sharing your support, love and excitement for us during this oh so exciting time!

#please don't reblog #pregblr #momblr #first time mom #birth story #delivery #labor #postpartum #birth #hormones #all the emotions

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funface2 · 5 years

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Funny stories appear on every occasion. Check out! – Brazil Selections – Selections Magazine

Funny stories with husband and wife, children, true family stories are told here. Don't spare your laughs at these hilarious situations that can happen in the best homes.

When my son was born, A registry clerk came into my hospital room for information on the baby's birth certificate. – Date of birth of father? She asked. When I answered, she said: Did you know that your husband's birthday falls exactly nine months before your son is born? "I hadn't thought of that," I said, "but since you brought it up, I have a daughter who turned two a few days before that date." After writing down the information, she took my hand and said: – You need to start buying birthday gift tie for your husband.

M. K. Pigott

Husband: – I'm tired of our marriage. You have one side of the house that I have with the other. Woman: – Combined. You stay outside.

Itamar Dias

After a big discussion with my husband, We didn't talk to each other for three days. At last, he asked me where he kept one of his shirts. "Ah, now you're talking to me," I said. He looked confused. – As well? – He asked. "Didn't you realize we haven't spoken in three days?" – I teased. "No," he answered. "I thought we were finally getting along."

Beth Doria

During the wedding party, The young groom realizes that one of the guests, precisely his best friend, is very sad. He approaches him with the glass in his hand and says: – Take it. Drink it. They say the groom's cup is lucky … And by the way, have you ever kissed the bride? – Not today.

Walmir Jose Grazziotin

It seemed like everything was getting in the way at the same time back home and repairs began to compromise our budget. So when I went to pick up the kids from school and our car started to make a strange noise, I decided that instead of burdening my husband even more, I would solve the problem myself. But I didn't count on my little hard fingers. They rushed home with the news. – Dad, the car was breaking, but Mom made the noise stop! Impressed, my husband asked: – How did you fix it? "I turned up the radio," I confessed.

Ruth Ten Veen

I found two black and white photo negatives in a drawer of a closet and out of curiosity I decided to reveal them. I was pleasantly surprised to see myself younger and thinner in them, which had been taken on one of the first encounters with my future husband. When I showed her the pictures, her face lit up. – Wow! My old Ford!

Donna Martin

During my brother's wedding, my mother managed not to cry – until she saw my grandmother approach my grandfather, sitting in a wheelchair, and lightly touch his hand. It was enough for my mother to collapse in tears. After the ceremony, my mother told my grandmother how the gesture had moved her. "Well, I'm sorry for ruining your makeup," my grandmother said. "But I just went to check if he was awake."

Mark sample

While waiting in line at a cashier at a clothing store, I saw a woman in front of me handing her credit card to the cashier. She waited a long time for the saleswoman, who had gone to check the data. When the saleswoman returned, the cashier said: "Excuse me, but that card is in your husband's name and we can't accept it because the administrator said he's dead." With this, the wife turned to her husband, who was beside her, and asked: "Does that mean I don't have to prepare your lunch today?"

Marilyn Arnopol

After the separation, My manager became very philosophical. "I think it was written in the stars," he said, sighing. – As well? I asked. – Her sign is earth. Mine is water. Together, it gives mud…

Lori Phillips

Don't miss other selections of comic stories.

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Bài viết Funny stories appear on every occasion. Check out! – Brazil Selections – Selections Magazine đã xuất hiện đầu tiên vào ngày Funface.

from Funface https://funface.net/funny-pics/funny-stories-appear-on-every-occasion-check-out-brazil-selections-selections-magazine/

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aliceellablog · 7 years

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I know! Why don’t I go on a blind date on the tele....

Hello you lovely wonderful amazing blog readers… enough to make you wanna read on?! I hear flattery will get you everywhere!!

Soooo these last two weeks have been pretty surreal! - I’ll start where I left off, two weeks ago…

So I started the week resting in bed, yaaaaay! - (please note the sarcasm)… but then managed two days in the studio with Warren and Scott who I LOOOOVEEEEEE :)

We are working on a bunch of J-pop tracks (think pop on acid for the Japanese market) so that was really fun and I really love spending time with them.

We found out this week that two of them are on hold!! Yaaaaassss!! (this means that the artist who we wrote them for has basically put them in a pile of yes’s and then chooses which songs to actually release from that selection!) So definitely a massively exciting step in the right direction but can’t get too excited about it just yet! Eeeek!

However (dun dun duuuuuun) on the second day there I had pretty much lost my voice and was feeling worse than usual - annoying huh!! So I went home that evening and low and behold came down with a bladdy full on fluey coldy thing. Feck.

So I spent the next say 5 days fully in bed (and maybe an hour or two in the garden working on ma tan ;) and lost the will to live! Yay!!! (Sorry, today is a sarcastic day it would seem!)

I wasn’t well enough to see me dad on Fathers day - sorry pap!! And had to cancel all of my plans yet again.

It’s been 11 days now and I am still feeling like I’ve been hit by a truck. I’m still coughing a lot but the rest of the cold symptoms have gone - I think this is one of the most frustrating things with the old M.E. - that you can be getting on the right track and then get a cold or virus and it completely knocks you for six (not even sure what that means but my mum says it a lot so….) It’s almost like once the cold has gone it’s given you a mini M.E. relapse to deal with too. Thanks for that.

I did however have a much better day on Tuesday - I’d spent the day in bed but then felt a little better so got up, put my face on and had one of my best friends Ewa come over - she has been away in Asia for like 8 months or something! It was SO good to see her - even though she is a tanned goddess of a woman!!!! - the jealousy is REAL! Hahaha ;) But catching up with her was like we had never been apart (Ewa you’d better be reading this) hahah, we are so on the same wavelength, you know when you fully just click with someone? Yea… that’s her <3 - this pic is from last year when we went to Freinds fest togeths :) :)

So... that evening was one of the most surreal moments of my life I reckon!…. Watching myself go on a date on TV… as you do… on Channel 4’s First Dates!!

I think the reason I felt a bit better that day was actually because I had so much adrenaline and was so freakin’ nervous!!! The date was filmed months and months ago so it was quite the build up!!

My best friends and I all sat around the tele watching love island before hand… everyone was chilled and on their phones and I was sat there having a nervous breakdown… I could not keep still or quiet and pretty much had the most energy right there and then that I’ve ever had (yes I may be exaggerating as per) - but nerves do strange things to a person eh!

So then the clock struck 10pm and it was time!!! ARGHGHGHGHHHHHHH!!!!!!

At one point we didn’t think I was even going to be on it because they kept our date right until the end but then suddenly there I was… what a strange moment!!

Cringe cringe cringe cringe cringe….

WHY did I talk about cats so much!!??

And WHY did I cry on national TV?! - actually I’ll tell you why!! When they do the interview bit they ask you questions for about 2 hours, so by the end I was exhausted and obviously trying to act positive and ‘well’ the whole time.

When they got onto the subject of my health they really did push it a lot…. ‘That must be awful’ ‘How do you cope?’ ‘How does that make you feel?’ ‘What about all your friends living their normal lives?’ yea… they found my weakness and basically asked me about it until I broke and cried… AWKWARD!! But I really don’t blame them at all, it’s one of the things I put in my application and something that I guess makes me who I am. They want to get the best tele possible and I guess I am glad in a way as it does truly represent how I feel about it!

It’s now up on Channel 4’s 4OD website by the way (my date comes on at around 30 mins in incase you don’t fancy watching the whole thing) and here is the link: (Series 8 Episode 10) : http://www.channel4.com/programmes/first-dates/on-demand/65067-009

Now here’s the thing… I had such a lovely time - luckily I was having quite a good day for the date so genuinely enjoyed it but it was so so tiring!! And you’ll never guess what- I caught a cold that evening and then died for quite a while afterwards!

Anyway, Luke was (as you will have seen) LOVELY and we really got on so well! He was funny and respectful and when I spoke about my health issues he seemed really understanding, I couldn’t have asked for more really!…well…ok I guess I could have, but it’s in no way his fault… I didn’t feel a spark or that ‘thing’ you feel when you meet someone and you really fancy them. I really honestly thought I was going to go on this date and fall in love so was actually really sad when I got home that evening…how embarrassing lol…

So during the date I went into the toilets (which for some reason they kept in) and then I called two of my bestests Katie and Grace on the phone- I spoke to them and said that I really wasn’t sure, and that I was a bit disappointed as there wasn’t that spark - Which they edited out?? But fair enough- they edited out a lot to be fair! We were there for hours and you guys saw maybe ten minutes!

Then at the end when you go into the room together and speak to camera about how the date went they said ‘so do you want to see each other again?’

Luke said yes straight away, and I then kind of pulled an awkward face, Luke said ‘ohhhhh… hesitation!!!’ And we laughed a lot. It was genuinely all good vibes. Then I went on to apologise and say something along the lines of ‘I’m so sorry I’m just not sure, like I don’t feel that spark etc but yea… I think you’re a lovely guy and we got on great so we will def keep in touch!’ ….First dates decided to just keep the latter part in the edit, and then at the end when they show all the ‘what happened next’ stuff, there was nothing about me and Luke!

They had called and asked if we had seen each other again which we hadn’t and they decided not to put that in.

I think that they maybe just wanted it to all come across really nicely and positively, which I do think is lovely but it’s not quite how it happened! That’s ok with me though :)

But… there is one bit that I really do wish was edited differently!!!! The money bit. WAHHHHH

So here’s what you guys saw pon d tele box:

The bill arrives and I say ‘Ah, I forgot my money’ - Luke offers to pay and I thank him.

What really happened:

Before the date you are kept in a greenroom - separate from your date of course as it really is a genuine ‘blind date’.

I was there for maybe two hours and was nervous as hell. You know your date is going to be soon but you’re not told an exact time. All of a sudden it was ‘Alice, we need to go and get you mic’d up’

So I went with them and left all my bags, and purse etc in this greenroom.

From being mic’d up and meeting various producers etc it was straight into the restaurant for the date and I was so nervous that I‘d genuinely forgotten that I hadn’t brought anything with me - not even my lipgloss!!! LOL

I was going on TV and having a blind date and had so much rushing around my head! To be honest I just wanted to get through it!!!

Then after our date when it came to paying I insisted on paying my half and Luke insisted on paying for it which was of course really sweet of him but I said no. I reached for my purse and looked around me and then had a moment of realisation!! I said something like ‘oh my god!! I am so so so sorry!!! You’ll never guess what I’ve gone and done?! I’ve left my purse in the greenroom!! Ah I forgot my money!!’ We laughed a lot about how badly it was going to come across and they just kept all of that out, so now I have to read all of these horrible tweets from people thinking that I just turned up on a date with no money - I would NEVER do that!!!!!

NAT COOL :( :( :(

The next day I did a little interview with Unilad and basically said all of that to them! I was happy to do that and they kept it true to what I had said :) But then the Daily Mirror stole their article and twisted it saying I had said the show was rigged!! Not fair! Not what I said at all! Oh well…..

Anyway I guess the people who know me and love me know that I would never do that, and I’ll just have to let the haterz hate ;)

Speaking of haterz (sorry it feels wrong to spell it with an ’s’) there have also been a few tweets or Facebook comments, from people who so clearly don’t understand M.E. and what its like to live with it :(

‘How come she can do wedding gigs but isn’t well enough to date?’ - I have recently had to take two years out from gigging due to having an M.E. relapse. This of course has broken my heart and been pretty damn hard to feel with, but VERY long story short I am now at the point where I am gigging again but not as often as I would like. I have a stool that I take with me that I kinda lean/sit on and try and style it out. I have to rest for days before and about a week after a gig. It’s really hard but I am trying my best. If anyone dares think I am exaggerating or lying they can absolutely do one!

M.E. is one of the most misunderstood illnesses as we usually look ‘fine’ and it is an ‘invisible illness’ but I am getting used to people not understanding now after 14 years of it!

I do remember once being in a food shop with my mum pushing me around in my wheelchair- she left me to go and get some bits for a few minutes and I wanted a sandwhich which was just out of reach from where I was sat. I got up out of my wheelchair, walked maybe 3 steps and got the sandwich - I noticed a man giving me the most kind of shocked ‘you liar’ look!! So I looked him in the eye, sat back down, brought my finger to my lips and did a ‘shhhhhh’ before my mum returned.

It was just like the Little Britain sketch! It’s so funny how people think that for example if you are in a wheelchair it HAS to mean that you can not walk at all!! At that stage I think I could walk a few paces, get in and out of the car and that’s about it- just because I could get the sandwich didn’t mean I could walk all around the shop or town!!

It’s a weird one to deal with and I know I talk about it a lot but it’s SO hard to explain! But like I say… I’m gon let the haterz hate.

On the other hand, I have received literally hundreds of messages from people thanking me for talking about M.E. on the tele and getting that little bit more awareness out there!

This in itself has made the whole thing completely worth while :)

I even had messaged saying things like - ‘I was watching with my sister and she hugged me for the first time about my M.E.’

I mean - wow…. messages like that just make me cry basically!!! (In a nice way!) And people saying that they feel inspired to see that I’ve made so much progress from the wheelchair days and that it IS possible to get better (even though of course I am nowhere near where I want to be but I can also see how far I’ve come). This makes me so so happy and I am going to do all I can to keep raising understanding and awareness of this illness.

Oh yea and one more thing that didn’t come across exactly how it happened or how I would have wanted it to was when Luke opened up to me about his mother having passed away. I was of course so shocked and felt so so sad for his loss - On screen you saw me say how sorry I was to hear that and then it jumped straight to a comment I made which was ‘I can’t even imagine what you went through, I’m very lucky I haven’t had to deal with grief really before. The only time I have is when my cat died’ ... now this is NOT what I meant - I had said for a fair few more minutes than was shown, that I was so sorry for his loss and I was trying to explain how I couldn’t relate or even imagine it- yes I mentioned my cats death but mean it in the way of - I have never been through anything like it.... and it kinda sounded like I was comparing the two. AGH!!!! not what I meant!! Also we were getting on and having such a laugh that the subject somehow got changed again so quickly after he’d said that, that we were just laughing again within minutes and he was specifically taken away and asked to talk about his mum as the subject hadn’t naturally come up in the first place.

I am now working with a charity called ‘Action for M.E.’ and hope to do lots with them including raise money for them at my next gig :) (https://www.actionforme.org.uk/ )

Also keep an eye out on July 10th as I will be going on the TV Channel ‘London Live’ (available on Sky and Freeview) at 6.15pm to speak about M.E. etc :)

Live tv…. That’s gonna be interesting!! This whole thing was bad enough hahahah

Soooooo… keep in touch peoples :) I am going to go and cook myself a nice gluten free spag Bol now, and then have a few more days of resting planned but am praying that I don’t have to cancel the rest of my week! We shall see!!

Huuuuge thank you again to everyone who has been in touch, it means so so much to me and every message gives me such a lift :) We can do this! :) xxx love and strength to anyone suffering, well, anything really! :) xx mwah

P.s. here’s the link to the pre order for my new single ’24 Obsession’ just incase you are interested ;) …. can’t blame me can ya? ;) http://ambiel.uk/24ObsPreOrder

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