#and the patterns responding

[biblically-accurate-dca]

day 16: object head !

[bellaaldamas]

Hurt/Comfort parallels

inspired by a conversation with @stupidrant

[chamerionwrites]

Basically I think that if you're going to insist on the importance of direct and honest communication, you have to not punish the behavior you want to see. You can't go around saying "Don't expect your family/friends/partner/etc to be a mind reader! If you have an issue, you need to communicate it!" while also repeatedly dismissing/belittling/ignoring people who do that, and then act as if someone is dishonest/manipulative/cowardly/bad at expressing themselves when they stop directly telling you what they're thinking or feeling. You're the asshole here, bro.

[keshetchai]

As someone who enjoys religion blogging/discussions, I've come to realize that it's a good practice to be aware of the general signs/symptoms of religious-OCD thinking (aka scrupulosity), because if the conversation is taking on all the hallmarks of scrupulosity, it's actually a definitive sign that we cannot meaningfully and compassionately engage in a conversation about religion in a healthy way. I've actually had this play out a significant number of times online, and when I realized what it was, I also began to realize that the intrusive thoughts/obsessive and compulsive thinking are only ever fed by continuing the discussion with that person.

[[ Important edit to clarify why I am saying it's not healthy — made after I went back to look for more concrete facts about OCD or anxiety (I have GAD, not OCD, but many resources overlap since they're both anxiety disorders):

When Reassurance is Harmful — this explains how/why reassurance-seeking specifically about an OCD fear is a compulsive behavior, and engaging with reassurance-seeking interferes with recovery/management/treatment.

This table from the Anxiety Disorders Center lists key differences between Information Seeking and Reassurance Seeking.

This IOCDF page on Scrupulosity info for Faith Leaders identifies "symptom accommodation" as enabling. Two of the examples of doing this by participating in the OCD behavior are: "Engage in excessive conversation focused on if-then scenarios (e.g., "If I did this, then would X or Y happen? And what if Z was involved? How about W?")" And, "Repeatedly answering questions about ‘correct’ religious or faith practices."

That page also goes on to outline more info about reassurance seeking. "Although providing answers to (often simple!) questions may seem harmless, providing reassurance serves to maintain the anxiety disorder cycle." (This BMC psychiatry article cites a lot of related studies establishing this.)

The IOCDF page on What is OCD and Scrupulosity? ]]

Imo, the responsible thing to do is to recognize that (even if the other person hasn't outright stated it/isn't diagnosed)* the conversation is not about religion, it is about needing mental health support from professionals and experts. Talking to me, the layperson who enjoys chatting theology and my religion — is not only not helping, but is actively harmful. I'm not just talking about the person who I replied to today, either. Like I've said, I've seen this happen dozens of times in various online forums.

*[while I am against diagnosing strangers on the internet, it's important to realize A) lots of people don't know what Scrupulosity is, so it's possible they've never considered this is a mental health concern that could be treated, and that B) for the purposes of my concern, it doesn't matter if they actually have diagnosed OCD. The only thing that matters is that their thought-process causes them genuine distress/fear, and every response given to them seems to only incite new/additional distressing questions/thoughts, or further entrenches the original distress.]

Ultimately, any discussion aside from "you might want to speak to a mental health professional about scrupulosity OCD" seemingly puts me in the position of feeling as if I am being used for their self-harm. I hate that feeling. I do not want to be leverage for fear and pain. I have GAD, I despise the idea that I am making things worse.

No matter how much I love religious discussion, the answer in these cases is always "please reach out to an OCD specialist/mental health professional. I am not qualified to discuss this." And then to stop there. I have never once seen anyone stuck in this compulsive thought spiral be reassured or feel any better by hearing from someone else's approach to theology handled with things like empathy, compassion, logic, or even atheism. It doesn't matter what we say, how we say it, or how we relate to our own religion. The urge to engage in this kind of conversation in order to chat about religion is a sign that we are not equipped to help.

You can't have a conversation here, because intentionally or not, ten times out of ten, you are adding fuel to the fire. Just like people can't simply tell me something that would erase/talk me out of my ADHD/depression/anxiety disorder, you also cannot simply argue/reassure/persuade people out of scrupulosity. We should not try. We have a responsibility to consider that it's outright harmful to do so, and to disengage.

[furiousgoldfish]

what abuse has done to me:

someone: Makes a promise to me, or expresses desire to do something together in the future, or to give me something I want.

my brain: The classic future faking. This is not going to happen, ever, and we’re not going to pretend that it will. We will not sink into fantasies of what could be, and we’re not going to act differently or like this promise/vague desire meant anything. This is a trap and we’re walking right past it.

someone: Praises me and tells me I did well, or tells me that I’m a good person.

brain: Red Alert. You are being praised for acting obedient and pleasing. You are being groomed as we speak. You’re standing in front of an enemy. Achieve maximum distance. Remove yourself from their presence.

someone: doesn’t respond within a few days

brain: The interest is one-sided. Don’t indulge in ignoring them back, don’t play games, don’t rush to reply as soon as possible, you’re going to develop one-sided attachment. If you can’t count on them to talk to you, you can’t count on them for anything. Forget this person ever existed as they’re not going to continuously exist for you anyway.

[sergle]

Do you really wanna bang an old guy or is this just committing to the bit? If so, tuck a Werther's Original behind your ear, become irresistible to Pappy.

It really depends on the old guy of choice- I personally love the knitting guy's energy but have a deep respect for those who wanna fuck him, and there's like an 75% chance I'd let him hit

[tixdixl]

Ever since I noticed the different ways Vil signals her gender identity and gender presentation in the original Japanese, the more and more I wish that there was a way for us to get a complete revision of Book 5 where the nuances of Epel's cultural identity, Vil's gender presentation, and the ways the two clash in cultural understandings and ideals are ACTUALLY demonstrated in the localization for English only readers. Because they aren't. Vil's gender presentation and Epel's cultural rootedness are both watered down and erased from the English. And what's worse is watching both turn into superficial charicatures of their intended design, in order to accommodate an uninformed Western audience.

With Epel's very specific rural understanding of masculinity and feminity, and Vil's urban, gender-nonconforming understanding of masculinity and feminity, we have an incredibly nuanced and intersectional conversation about self-realization. And English only fans get to see none of it.

Of COURSE Epel is rejective of Vil's expectation of embracing feminitiy. He's a cis male who grew up likely in the rural country side, with hints of rural, possibly rural Osakan dialect in his dialogue. Of COURSE his expectations of masculinity and feminity clash with Vil, a femme non-binary person who is both an idol/celebrity and who has lived her entire life in urban settings. He likely has deep seated misogyny that he has to contend with. He likely has deep seated transphobia that he has to contend with. It's not that he himself is dysphoric; it's that his expectations of masculinity, his tate shakai, and his understanding of collectivism reject and clash with a sub-culture that permits and encourages the exploration of self expression, and views those forms of self realization AS maintaining the collectivist status quo, rather than violating it. When his understanding of self-realization dictates he must be and act a certain way as to not break the collectivist status quo, of course, Epel looks at Vil and thinks that what she is asking him to do is uncomfortable.

Of COURSE Vil sees Epel's rural world view and wishes to challenge him on it. Of COURSE she also FAILS to understand his perspective and find it irritating and uncouthed. She ALSO has biases against rural cultures, as indicative by her dialogue and Tokyo dialect. It's not that she wants Epel to "become girly", but rather that she wants to see him fit in and join the mold of Pomefiore. Because in Pomefiore and in the idol world, ruralisms and a rooted rural identity clash with the status quo. Her understanding of the collectivist culture and mindset within the dorm and within her culture dictate that HE is the one stepping out of line... all while he believes SHE is the one stepping out of line.

There are just so many layers here, and without any help from the localization, nor cultural understandings of the values and norms that inform the writing of this game.... of course. Of course Book 5 is watered down.

[skrunksthatwunk]

ok insanely niche yyh post incoming but if you don't know what simon trickster is just think of it like simon says and you'll be fine

also:

if hiei ACTUALLY competed he'd like simon surprise best. he feels like it doesn't pity him and likes being able to hone in on a single thing (directional input) rather than a bundle of things (color, sound)

hiei's reaction time is great but he'd get so wrapped up in doing it as fast as possible for ego reasons that he'd hit the wrong thing (<- just like me fr). is otherwise very good at it

wide gap in skill between these rankings. but with training i think kuwa and hiei would be pretty evenly matched, if not kuwa being a little better, since speed doesn't matter. depends on how different their attention spans are vs spirit awareness

hiei thinks games are stupid but gets roped in at least occasionally because again. ego. but would largely disregard it as a waste of his time

[faaun]

i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao

[thatwitchrevan]

Telling Ven and Roxas apart headcanons:

- Aqua, Terra, Lea, and Sora almost never mix them up. When they do, it's usually when they're distracted and barely paying attention to which one they're talking to. It's just that easy for them to tell from their personalties, manners, how they speak, and the minor differences in their appearances. However, as everyone gets used to having both Roxas and Ventus around, they start accidentally mixing their names up the way parents do with their kids - they're not really thinking that Ventus IS Roxas, they know this is Ventus, but Roxas is the name that came out of their mouth anyway. This eventually happens a lot and Roxas jokes that they should wear name tags. Ventus says that it wouldn't help.

- Isa and Naminé can mostly tell them apart but sometimes they like. Squint at the boys, unsure. Naminé will just be like 'are you Roxas or Ventus' (Ven: It's Ven :)! Roxas: wow Naminé I'd never mix YOU up with Kairi or Xion god). Isa doesn't like to ask but eventually he will if he can't figure it out.

- Riku can't tell them apart at a glance, but after engaging them in conversation he can figure it out pretty quick. Mainly because Ven is really friendly with him and Roxas not as much.

- Kairi is confused at first but then gets really good at telling.

- Vanitas never mixes them up, but he will tease Roxas about 'stealing' his brother's face and is also rude to him a lot.

- Xion can also always tell them apart. It's kind of uncanny: even if one of them comes up to her and she only gets a glimpse of them, without hearing them speak or them do anything distinctive, she knows exactly who it is. Does she just know them both that well, or is it a weird side effect of her mimickery? No one knows.

- Yen Sid and Mickey insist it's 'obvious' which is which. Though Mickey has definitely called Roxas 'Ven' by accident.

- Donald and Goofy are honestly a little lost.

- Most of the Radiant Garden lot are as well, but Aerith can tell them apart. Leon and Cloud usually avoid names just in case.

- Hayner/Pence/Olette find it very trippy that Ventus looks like Roxas, but they take a couple minutes to learn the differences between them and then never mix them up.

[jupiterstupiter]

They're cringe and they are free

[batsplat]

you saying that casey stoner is neurotically anti-superstitious reminds me a bit of max verstappen. i’m thinking about when his fans were noticing that when he wore a flat brimmed hat he wasn’t winning so he refused to wear anything else to ‘beat’ the superstition

ahahaha yeah that sounds extremely casey, especially the stubbornness of it all. obviously it's kinda a control freak thing in and of itself, like casey's got to relentlessly ensure there's NOTHING outside of his own rational mind that's determining his own performance. literally the fourth-to-last sentence in his autobiography is "I know I said earlier I don't believe in luck and it's true, I have worked hard to get to this point but i can still say I am a very lucky man". he needs to feel like he can adapt to anything, like no external circumstances can prevent that adaptation process, like his brain isn't allowed to hinder him by finding patterns where they don't exist... and if anyone else attempts to impose those patterns on him then, well, he's going to be pissed off about it

[rustbeltjessie]

Listen/purchase: Jessie Lynn McMains - Ode to Awesome by Various Artists

The kind of kiss that melts your kneecaps is awesome! Opening a new box of paints is awesome! James Williamson’s guitar riff in The Stooges’ “Search and Destroy” is awesome! Red lipstick, green tea with honey on a rainy day, the secret glow of nightjars—awesome!

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

friendly reminder that self harm is lying to you

[captainmvf]

how about m-raptor ?

Tried out a different method for feathers since I'm still a little weak to coloring them but! I like Microraptor a lot!!!!

[suffarustuffaru]

why otto was pissed off at julius (also - otto might have developed Control Issues???) (another arc 8 otto theory/analysis)

so this is a sequel to my other post on why otto is so pissed off at subaru (arc 8 ch 24) which. yeah this says a lot about otto either way given ive now made more than one analysis post about why hes being a Pissbaby HAH but anyway.

i think ottos anger at julius is super fascinating bc it seemingly comes out of nowhere, but i think it makes sense upon first glance. julius straightforwardly breaks the hard cold truth to subaru about how louis Has to die. otto snaps at julius bc of what you assume to be either 1. otto doesnt agree with louis dying and/or 2. otto doesnt want julius to say this because itll upset subaru. but then theres the answer that otto gives, which is: otto doesnt want an outsider to the emilia camp interfering with this matter because it affects the emilia camp the most.

we know that reasons 2 (subaru will be upset hearing that louis will most likely have to die) and 3 (otto doesnt want someone outside of emilia camp interfering) are True. the latter is obvious because otto himself is being truthful when he states that, and the former is likely true due to otto snapping at julius after julius says that louis has to die right to subarus face after subarus tried to defend louis, showing that subaru cares deeply for her. otto snapping at julius reads partially, to me at least, as him trying to defend subaru with all the energy of covering the ears on a child so they dont hear something Bad.

but only two chapters after otto first snaps at julius we learn that not only does otto agree with julius on louis needing to be dead, but otto agrees to the point where hes withholding information in order for the emilia camp to remain suspicious of louis and so louis is more likely to die. so it’s interesting that the Only Reasons otto gives to julius on why otto does not want julius interfering with emilia camp are 1. you are an outsider to this matter and 2. you are my enemy. otto is specifically very hostile to julius and anastasia Even After julius apologizes for interrupting in emilia camp matters - and otto Still pushes forward to emphasize that he considers julius and anastasia enemies.

for someone as politically savvy as otto, it's Off-putting that he takes such a passionate position against both julius and anastasia when he knows that theyre not only subarus friends, but theyre also strong allies to the emilia camp who aided them in arc 6 and are loyal enough to follow them into vollachia. so why is otto being so hostile to them when, if anything, it's a Detriment to be so hostile to your own camps allies?

but theres also something else about julius - otto specifically notes that julius "walks in the light" just as emilia and subaru do. despite being beaten down by life, they still choose to hold onto their idealism and their genuine desire to save people. but otto also notes that - unlike emilia and subaru - julius draws the line at louis, and, just like otto, julius figures that louis has to die. which is absolutely not something that julius does on the regular (ex novel readers will remember that julius felt saddened by balleroy dying), and otto recognizes that julius's idealism vs his desire to end louis are in conflict with each other. subaru, at the moment, is at the extreme end of idealism - the desire to save Everyone and go against all odds. otto is, at this point, at the extreme other end - otto is pragmatic and not only doesnt believe that everyone can be saved, but otto doesnt believe that he can have everything he wants, so he has to prioritize. julius, meanwhile, is the in between - julius is a knight that serves a pragmatic merchant himself, and while he wants to save people, he wants to kill louis. he recognizes that louis dying is the cleanest outcome, with a suitable punishment for her actions, and for that reason it has to happen. otto seems uncomfortable by this because he sincerely believes that his path is the best one to take, even though it isnt necessarily morally right - meaning that he figures that he has to oppose subaru and emilia in order to move forward. but then julius comes along and challenges everything ottos thinking by being this blend of subaru and ottos beliefs.

but what is ottos path? otto wants everything to go the way that he plans, which may or may not align with emilia and subarus desires. otto wants it to align with the emilia camps desires because he cares for them and his loyalty to them dictates so much of his actions. but that same loyalty has been leading him to take increasingly excessive actions in the name of trying to keep them safe, both physically and politically, and in his head, keeping his camp safe doesnt Always align with what the rest of his camp wants. keeping his camp safe means doing so even at the cost of going behind his camp's backs. keeping his camp safe means that he's going to keep them safe even if they become upset at his actions.

thats because ottos had this small habit (thats been. steadily growing) of doing what he thinks is best with little to no communication with the rest of his camp. he saved roswaal's tome and kept it hidden from the rest of his camp for a year. he did this out of his continued wariness of roswaal and he plans to restore the book just to find the information in it - and once hes done that, he plans to destroy the book again so that it doesnt fall into the wrong hands. being suspicious of roswaal is understandable, but keeping the fact that he grabbed the tome secret for a year is Definitely a little sketchy. and it doesnt help matters that that same tome he brought into priestella lures the witch cult into the city.

on top of that, theres of course ottos scheming so that the emilia camp agrees to help vollachia in a way that He Wants, along with otto purposefully withholding information about louis. On Top of That, it's not just that ottos withholding information + wanting louis dead - those are already slightly questionable enough, but additionally otto is well aware that subaru cares deeply for louis. otto has not voiced his desire for louis to die and has hidden information that could help save louis's life. theres absolutely No Way that otto doesnt know that if/once louis dies, subaru will be Very distraught by this, but otto keeps going anyway out of pragmatism - out of the thought that subaru will have to eventually get over louis dying, because otto has weighed the possible costs and benefits in his head and hes decided that killing louis has less consequences even though itd deeply upset subaru. thats what walking in the dark means - otto will oppose subaru and emilia out of practicality, because what will actually keep them safe in ottos opinion might not align with what they actually want to do. ottos position in arc 8 thus far implies that hes willing to betray his friends if it means keeping them safe.

this is even more interesting when you bring up a certain quote from the bittersweet peddling trade log side story - otto notes: "But wouldn't I have nightmares if I forsook a person who has done nothing wrong?"

and what is he doing in arc 8? he tried to forsake almost, if not all 50 million people in vollachia. hes trying to forsake someone he knows is innocent now (louis). he's trying to save subaru, but at the same time hes forsaking subaru by withholding information that could potentially save louis. hes tried to forsake julius and anastasia in the sense that his words carry weight as internal affairs minister of the emilia camp and he just declared them - loyal allies to his camp -his enemies.

the thing is - otto is a hypocrite. in more ways than one. otto tells subaru to depend on his friends more in arc 4 - which was the Big Speech of arc 4 - only to turn around and do various things behind his own friends' backs in the name of trying to save them. only to turn around and announce julius and anastasia aka allies to his camp are Enemies. otto snaps at julius to back away as julius is an "outsider" - and while julius is an outsider in the sense that hes not part of emilia camp, everyone reading the novels knows that julius himself has been majorly fucked over by louis and therefore has more than earned the right to have a say in what happens to her. otto remains suspicious of roswaal, understandably, only to agree with todds tactics in arc 7 and make strategies himself (his Leaving Vollachia and only taking who you care about plan) that roswaal agrees with. otto is the one snapping back at roswaal and insisting that roswaals only telling him that opposing subaru and emilia is a poison that will Kill Him because roswaal wants otto to be less difficult and more Compliant so that roswaal can get up to his own schemes - as if otto himself isnt making his own schemes in his head. otto knows that things like his plan to ditch vollachia is callous and hurts innocent people, especially after seeing roswaal agree with his tactics, and he feels guilty for this. but he keeps going anyway, which will likely end up proving roswaal right. the roswaal + otto and todd + otto parallels are Extremely purposeful, especially with the vollachia saga (arc 7-8) where one of the themes is about whether you can truly save everyone without sacrificing morality.

julius might be the proof that there is some sort of middle ground between subaru and ottos worldviews and strategies. you can do unpleasant things that may need to be done while still remaining kind and trying to save as many as you can - instead of abandoning them.

but ottos been Excessively harsh to julius, anastasia, and even roswaal and subaru. getting so angry at someone that you punch a wall hard enough to break your hand not just once, but nearly twice, is Excessive, especially when subarus goal is ultimately just trying to save people. and i think you could also attribute ottos Harshness to the stress hes under right now. otto is - friendly reminder, hah - the same guy who gets anxious easily to the point where his stomach hurts. he gets anxious over paperwork. he gets anxious over his friends and their. lacking. negotiation skills. hes always been Very Loud in his complaints whenever they do things hes not happy with. he admits that hes lost weight because of stress at the BEGINNING of arc 5 (otto, im so sorry but you literally havent gone through all of arc 5+ yet). his drinking is also to cope with stress (our introduction to him in arc 3 is otto coping with his new debt by drinking in a bar). so - otto is Easily anxious. over a lot of things. by the time we get to arc 8, hes gone through a Lot to get here. and stress does Not look good on otto.

where do control issues stem from? yeah, ottos main motivator is to save his camp, but past that, hes tired of not having control. in ch 24 he questions himself - he questions his purpose and his existence and he comes to the conclusion that his meaning for existence is to oppose subaru. subaru, at his core, is all about exerting his will - he brute forces the outcomes he wants because of rbd.

otto, meanwhile, is left to be dragged into danger again and again. ottos life is already out of his control often because of his bad luck and because of his dp making life difficult for him in his formative years - and now hes been dragged into danger repeatedly the moment he got involved with subaru. arc 5 in particular, however, was partially a consequence of otto bringing the tome to priestella - but its a consequence that he didnt expect at all. ottos legs were injured severely by gluttony, leaving him out of commission with no choice but to watch subaru and some of their camp walk away to the watchtower to face more danger without otto being able to be there to make sure theyre safe (otto specifically tells subaru at the end of arc 5 that hes Very Unhappy with this decision). then otto has to go to vollachia to save rem and subaru, only to arrive there and realize that subaru wants to stay to help vollachia. otto goes - fine. if thats what you want, ill help. and then otto finds out that subarus trying to defend gluttony. otto, i think, has grown increasingly resentful of the danger he and his friends have been put in (which is a mix of factors Out of their Control, but its also just. his friends sometimes deciding to do dangerous things as well), so hes developed this mentality that its him and his camp versus everyone else. it all boils down to the thought he has that he cant have both. and if his friends are really going to try to have both, hes going to try to do what he thinks is best. because if they keep trying to pick the more dangerous options - ie the worse options, in ottos opinion - then hes going to make more decisions behind their backs. because hes not gonna trust them to make the decisions that he thinks are the better ones, because its not in Their Nature to do so.

but its in his nature to do that. what do you do when something grows out of control? you try to exert control. theres also the possibility of: why keep allies to your camp around when they encourage your camp to continue staying in vollachia? how can you trust them if theyre going to interrupt on your internal camp affairs?

which is why he grows angry at julius for trying to interfere - because being the internal affairs minister to the emilia camp is otto's job, and he doesnt want someone outside of the camp interfering with his friends and any possible plans he has or will have. this is also why julius apologizes to otto - he recognizes ottos protectiveness and ottos status within his camp.

so. anyway. TLDR: ottos acting a little similar to arc 4 subaru, isnt he? thinking he knows whats best.... trying to manipulate everything around him to get the outcome he wants..... pushing forward on his own instead of depending on his friends..... refusing to depend on his friends.... having Confrontations with roswaal...... etc, etc.