#and the nhs is so overwhelmed

[tricneu]

when someone tells you they thought you were medicated for your mental health, do NOT think of it as a personal win that you are rawdogging it

your issues are so visible they are written on you big enough for people to see, see a professional

[karliahs]

The average public library is not only a provider of the latest Anne Enright or Julia Donaldson: it is now an informal citizens advice bureau, a business development centre, a community centre and a mental health provider. It is an unofficial Sure Start centre, a homelessness shelter, a literacy and foreign language-learning centre, a calm space where tutors can help struggling kids, an asylum support provider, a citizenship and driving theory test centre, and a place to sit still all day and stare at the wall, if that is what you need to do, without anyone expecting you to buy anything. [...] The trouble comes when libraries – and the underpaid, overstretched people who work in them – start to become sole providers for all these things: when years of cost-cutting mean that the state has effectively reneged on all but the most unavoidable of its responsibilities to the troubled, the poor, the educationally challenged, the lonely, the physically unwell, the lost or the homeless. “We risk becoming a social care safety net,” said Nick Poole, the outgoing CEO of the library association Cilip, and “our staff are not clinical staff”.

[ofcowardiceandkings]

this wouldnt be a problem if the Tories werent determined to follow some "culture war" throughline and make the existence of trans people - and especially trans women - even more difficult, and make it a Labour/Tory wedge issue

[folklorianhaze]

probably my most unpopular gaming opinion is that new horizons is my favorite animal crossing game and new leaf is my least favorite lol

[osmiabee]

Hi. I'm a biologist of colour with PCOS. There is significant amount of error and misinformation here.

Hirsutism is NOT a diagnostic criterion for PCOS - let alone the most important one - it's one of many indicative symptoms which can include adult acne, infertility, "male pattern" excess hair growth and "male pattern" balding - There are not considered diagnostic criteria as these are secondary symptoms that occur due to excess testosterone.

The diagnostic criteria are all direct symptoms: you need 2/3 for official diagnosis: Irregular periods (self-reported), Visible cysts on ovaries (via ultrasound), and Excess "above range" Testosterone (via blood test),

When you test for what is considered a "healthy range" you have to exclude people who are unhealthy and exhibiting symptoms, as they will skew the data. Worst case scenario this can lead to people NOT getting the diagnosis and treatment they need because they are considered "normal" even while exhibiting secondary symptoms.

The 97.5th percentile is a common statistical tool that excludes the extremes of the data to set a realistic average range. When someone comes in with symptoms of a disease (in the example above, men with osteoporosis) and you test them and find their hormones are different to 95-97.5% of a healthy, asymptomatic population, you can then point at that hormone as a potential cause of disease and correct it.

I cannot describe to you how important it is to exclude people with the "makes too much testosterone" disorder, while testing a baseline population to get an idea of the "normal/healthy" levels of testosterone.

Because PCOS is so common (2-10% of the population depending on your statistical model) that bar/threshold for testosterone in women is set high. Likely because even while trying to exclude people exhibiting PCOS symptoms (including excess hair) so many people with underlying PCOS (and high androgens) are largely asymptomatic (half of cases accourding to the NHS), and either live their whole lives unaware or do not get tested until they have significant fertility or secondary health problems later down the line.

In my own case when I got my results back I was the third woman that *day* that my doctor had to call to say "sorry, your androgen results were quite high but technically within the normal range," likely because that 97.5 percentile bar they're using as a baseline is skewed by the fact that a huge proportion of women have PCOS, and even while exc they can't exclude us all from the baseline based on diagnosis, family history, and secondary symptoms obvious to doctors (like hirsutism) alone!

These are all tools made to inform individualised medicine: despite my "normal range" androgens I am currently taking Spironolactone (a testosterone reducing drug - commonly used in HRT) to combat the effects of PCOS because my "in range" hormones were still clearly too much for my individual body, and caused symptoms that made me unhealthy (anaemic and in severe pain due to periods + painful acne) and put me at risk of things like diabetes and heart disease later down the line.

This isn't about just arbitrarily excluding women with "too much" hair. But about setting a useful baseline for XX-female high-androgen disorders.

BECAUSE BEING ABLE TO ACCURATELY DIAGNOSE PCOS IS A GOOD THING.

The linked study above that was immediately dismissed as weird and racist, looked at the symptoms of a diverse group of american women with PCOS, and found preliminary data that the areas of skin that respond to high androgen levels (due to PCOS) differ depending on race. (for example - African Americans commonly developed facial hirsutism under their chins, while hispanic individuals were more likely to develop it on their arms and legs).

STUDIES LIKE THIS ARE GOOD, ACTUALLY, BECAUSE IF WE ONLY HAVE DATA FOR WHITE PEOPLE, POC WILL BE UNDERDIAGNOSED.

These kinds of studies are important, because it tells dermatologists where to look for secondary symptoms of PCOS in their patients, which is important because 92% of people with PCOS have symptoms affecting their skin, and 1 in 4 undiagnosed people are referred for PCOS diagnosis by a dermatologist.

IN CONCLUSION: This isn't about defining "woman" or "normal female" or setting "arbitrary" "spider eating" statistical rules for what is an acceptable testosterone range. It's about creating an accurate model for disease, which despite potentially affecting 1/10 people with uteruses, is massively underresearched and underdiagnosed. Because of medical misogyny. And racism to boot.

It's true that huge swathes of medical practice are rooted in misogyny and racism, and uphold a gender and sex binary that is, in reality, far more flexible and complicated than historic tests would allow for, but this post is inaccurate and relies on borderline deliberate misinterpretation of the medical data to make that point.

I forget why, but I was on the Wikipedia page for polycystic ovarian syndrome, and I started researching hirsutism in women, and I learned the following things in this order:

there's a diagnostic criteria used to evaluate how hairy a woman is

This is important because being too hairy is a diagnostic criteria of most disorders that cause hyperandrogenism

Disorders that cause hyperandrogenism can be diagnosed by...measuring how hairy you are (this is the main and most important diagnostic criterion for PCOS)

Disorders that cause hyperandrogenism are important because they are correlated with obesity, infertility, and...being too hairy?

I think to myself, wait, what is a normal range for testosterone in women? I find this article...which set reference ranges for "normal" testosterone levels in women...EXCLUDING WOMEN WITH PCOS?

Quote: "Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is another notable condition in genetic (XX) females, which is characterized by excessive ovarian production of androgens. This condition is included for comparison with DSD, as the affected females with PCOS are genetic and phenotypic females. The elevated levels of testosterone in these females can lead to hyperandrogenism, a clinical disorder characterized variably by hirsutism, acne, male-pattern balding, metabolic disturbances, impaired ovulation and infertility. PCOS is a common condition, affecting 7%-10% of premenopausal women."

So: the study claims to demonstrate a clear distinction between the normal range of hormone levels in "Healthy" men and "healthy" women...with "healthy" being defined in the study as...having hormones within the "normal" range.......................

So I researched what the clinically established "normal" range for testosterone in women is

THERE ISN'T ONE????

Quote from the above article: "Several different approaches have been used to define endocrine disorders. The statistical approach establishes the lower and the upper limits of hormone concentrations solely on the basis of the statistical distribution of hormone levels in a healthy reference population. As an illustration, hypo- and hypercalcemia have been defined on the basis of the statistical distribution of serum calcium concentrations. Using this approach, androgen deficiency could be defined as the occurrence of serum testosterone levels that are below the 97.5th percentile of testosterone levels in healthy population of young men. A second approach is to use a threshold hormone concentration below or above which there is high risk of developing adverse health outcomes. This approach has been used to define osteoporosis and hypercholesterolemia. However, we do not know with certainty the thresholds of testosterone levels which are associated with adverse health outcomes."

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

It's batshit crazy to make a diagnostic criteria for medical disorders by placing arbitrary cutoffs within 2-5% of either end of a statistical distribution. What the actual fuck?

"The results came back, you have Statistical Outlier Disease." "What treatments are available?" "Well, first, we recommend dietary change. You should probably stop eating so many spiders."

Another article which attempted to do this

Quote: "Subjects with signs of hirsutism or with a personal history of diabetes or hypertension, or a family history of polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) were excluded."

"We're going to figure out the typical range of testosterone levels that occur in women! First, we're going to exclude all the women that are too hairy from the study. I am very good at science."

Anyway I got off topic but there are apparently race-specific diagnostic tools for "hirsutism." That's kinda weird on its own but when I looked more into this in relation to race I found this article that straight-up uses the term "mongoloid"

[selfsaven]

cw: fem!reader, being called 'mommy' everyone talks about whiny, pathetic bottom!choso, but what about whiny, pathetic top!choso? he's got you in missionary, face buried into your neck as his hips rut into yours repeatedly. he's breathing heavy, small noises leaving his throat that he tries to cover as groans. they're whimpers, you can tell, but you don't say anything. too cockdrunk and slightly overstimulated to tease him for it. your arms are around him and you have one hand in his hair, your legs locked around his waist.

"please... please, you feel so good. need more, c-can..." he breathes out almost as if he's nervous. "can i go harder? pleasepleaseplease?" his voice is so quiet, and you would find it sweet that he asked if he wasn't already fucking you harder. all you can manage is a breathy "mm-hm," before he lifts your legs up and together, resting them over his shoulder just to get a better angle and more stimulation for his aching cock. "mm, you're so... you're so pretty, i love you." he whispers, pressing his cheek against your ankle and looking you in the eyes as his hips rut into yours with desperation that's almost impressive.

the air is thick with sexual tension and sheer need. it smells like sweat and sex, something that clouds choso's head even further. he's fucking you like his life depends on it, his hands on your thighs and kneading the fat there. he can't hold himself back from mumbling your name, peppering sloppy wet kisses throughout your neck and biting at your ear. his touch is overwhelming.

and when he cums? that's when he whines. "n-nh. ngh, fuck-- mm, baby..." he breathes, tilting his head back. he's on his knees now, but still leaning over you. he looks majestic, but the expression on his face is almost pathetic. sweat gathers at his neck and at his hairline, and this is about the fourth time he's came. his need partnered with his stamina is a deadly combo, especially when he's balls-deep and fucking you like his cum isn't dripping out of you and staining the sheets beneath you. his hands are shaky and the muscles in his back flex, and he's even more vocal now. he MIGHT have called you mommy once or twice. and when you ask him about it? "did... did you just call me mommy?" ...he may have came again.

[wosoamazing]

New Normal 1.0

Alessia x Child!R - Part 2 of the Diabetes & Love Series Warnings: Hospitals, Diabetes, Cannulas

Taking requests for any blurbs/one-shots based on the series and happy to answer any questions

“How was it?” Lia asked as your Mum and Lotte returned from their class.

“Good, overwhelming but good,” your Mum replied as she slipped in behind you, you were sitting in the middle of your bed intently watching a show playing on your iPad, “I see Leah has found the flyers,”

“Huh, what,” Leah spoke up after hearing her name.

“The flyers,” your Mum said gesturing to them, “I’m thinking of going with the Omnipod for the insulin as it has no tubes and so would work well, less risk of her pulling it out, I was worried about the weight though but everyone says its not actually that bad and little kids don’t even notice it, and the NHS does do the FreeStyle Libre but I’m thinking of actually going with the Dexcom, it’s more common in other places around the world and so many people complain about the Libre falling off, even with the patches to help it stay on, which would just be annoying.” Your Mum told the room.

“That sounds like a good plan Less, sounds like you’ve done your research,” Leah replied.

“She barely slept last night, I swear she was on her computer the whole night,”

-

“Also is it alright if Leah comes with me instead of Lotte? Just-” Your Mum asked your doctor just as she was leaving the room.

“Absolutely Alessia, no problem at all, it is excellent to see how much of a community you have, we’ll see you in 5 minutes,” your Mum nodded

“Less. Katie and Caitlin want to know if they can come visit Peanut, and so do Kyra and Steph,” Lotte told your Mum.

“Um,” Your Mum said, stumped eyes clearly welling up, and a tear rolled down her cheek, which she wiped away before sniffing.

“Let’s just wait hey, maybe tell them you’ll get back to them, and thank you for their concern, it's a lot at the moment, they will understand that,” Leah stepped in, hoping to reassure your Mum, she earned a small nod from your Mum before you interrupted.

“Mummy,” you said softly as you turned yourself in your Mum’s lap not having been listening to the adults conversation, having been too absorbed in your show, only to notice she seemed sad, so you carefully stood up before leaning your weight into her and giving her a hug, “no sad, happy,” your words caused your Mum to chuckle.

“Thank you pea,” she said as she rubbed your back holding you tight, “I love you so much, you know that right?” you nodded your head against her neck, “Mummy just has to go have a meeting with the doctors, and Leah is going to come with me, but you’ll be okay with Lotte and Lia for a little bit?” You nodded before giving her a sloppy kiss.

_______

“Bubba, Mummy needs to explain something to you, do you think you could sit and listen for a bit?” she said as she entered the room, you nodded before looking at her intently, she picked you up and placed you on her lap so you were facing her.

“So, the doctors have found out you have something called diabetes, this means your body is missing little messengers called insulin, the little messengers you’re missing normally tell your body to turn the food you eat, more specifically the sugar in your food into energy, so you can do all the things you like. But because of this it means the sugar in your blood gets too high and you start to feel yucky, so we have to give your body insulin now, but sometimes if we give too much insulin your sugar will get too low and you will also feel yucky. So we have to make sure we watch the sugar in your body and keep it in line, by giving it insulin. Does that make sense?” you nodded at her, before asking her “forever?”

“Yes, forever, but there are these cool little machines that we stick to your body and they help us in making sure the sugar behaves, Mummy has chosen two that might work for us, but if you don’t like them we can always try others. Would you like to see them?” you nodded and Leah handed Alessia the examples.

“So this one, is called an omnipod, and it will help us give your body insulin,” she handed it to you so you could inspect it, “and this one is a Dexcom, it keeps an eye on your sugar for us,” you reached up for that one too and she gave it to you.

-

“We’re going to go now Less, if you need anything at all just message us,” Lia told her as they got ready to leave, you were still inspecting the devices.

“Thank you so much, Mum and Dad will be here in a few minutes so I think Lotte is going to go and get a break quickly too.” They nodded before leaving.

“Nonna? Pa?” you chimed in.

“Yeah, Nonna and Pa are coming to visit us soon Peanut, you can show them your new helpers if you want when they come,” which caused you to smile brightly and nod.

“I’ll be back okay? Don’t worry, I’ll pack bags for us like we discussed, if you need me to come back earlier for any reason at all message me and I’ll jump back into the car.” Lotte told your Mum as she stood up.

“Thank you so much Lotte, it means so much to me, I’m so sorry for changing your plans and interrupting our like second final week off.” “Less, don’t apologise, it’s okay, and honestly I haven’t thought about football once since we got here, which is incredibly unusual, so if anything it's more of a break,” she said before hugging your Mum and leaving.

-

“We heard our grandbaby was here somewhere,” you heard two very familiar voices say, causing you to look up.

“Nonna and Pa,” you exclaimed as you saw them, “look, my helpers, mini ma-ma, Mummy help,” “Her mini machines as we are now referring to them apparently, they’re just models, they’ll bring the real ones in and get them set up and on her soon. The chunkier white one is the insulin pod and the smaller one is the Continuous Glucose Monitor, they aren/t under the NHS but health insurance covers them mainly and they were the best options for us so I decided to go with them,” your Mum informed your grandparents, and the similarity between you and them inspecting them made Alessia smile.

“How are you? We walked past some of the girls on our way in.” Your Nonna said to her daughter.

“Good, it’s a lot to take in but it helps that she is just interested in everything going on and not scared. Yeah Leah and Lia came to visit and Lotte is staying with us, she has just gone home to get us some things we need,”

-

The doctor came in shortly after Nonna and Pa had arrived and you all through the setting up process, you didn’t even flinch when either of the cannulas were inserted much to everyone's delight. You then go to spend some time with your Nonna and Pa, whilst your Mum had a much needed nap on the pull out bed. When your Nonna and Pa left your Mum was still sleeping but they decided to leave her like that, with the reassurance that the nurses would keep an eye on you.

“Shhhh, Mummy sleeping,” you whispered as Lotte returned, “need to be quiet,”

“Okay,” Lotte whispered back to you slightly amused. 

-

“Oh Lotte, when did you get here,” your Mum asked groggily as she rubbed her eyes.

“Just over an hour ago, don’t worry we had everything under control, you needed a sleep,” Lotte said, causing your Mum to humm in response.

“Mummy look, drawing, for you,” you said proudly as you held up a drawing you drew for her.

“Oh thank you, it is amazing, I love it,” she told you as she picked you up before sitting in your bed and placing you in her lap, “why don’t you tell Lotte what happened once she left,”

“Nonna and Pa came, and then the doctor came and she put my mini helpers on me, and while she was teaching Mum, and Nonna and Pa how to work them she let me help her push the needle so that the stuff went into the pod and then she stuck them on me, and I didn’t even flinch when the cannulas were inserted so I got a sticker, and then we did some playing and Mum fell asleep and now you’re here,” you recounted the events of the afternoon to Lotte at lightning speed.

[cassolotl]

UK government planning to scrap a major disability benefit

I'm only just scraping by and the government are proposing to take away PIP (a disability benefit), which would be HALF of my income wiped out.

"Reforms to personal independence payments (PIP) could include stopping regular cash payments, and instead offering claimants one-off grants for things like home adaptations." -- "Disabled people face end to monthly benefits cash", BBC News, 29 April 2024

And:

"The plans, which will be consulted on over the coming months, also include proposals to “move away from a fixed cash benefit system”, meaning people with some conditions will no longer receive regular payments, but instead access to treatment if their condition does not involve extra costs." -- "People with depression or anxiety could lose sickness benefits, says UK minister", Guardian, 29 April 2024

That's what the NHS is supposed to be doing...

Genuinely absolutely terrifying.

Can anyone living in the UK join in with an (hopefully!) overwhelming cascade of unique emails to their MP opposing this? WriteToThem.com makes it very quick and easy.

They're proposing to replace it with one-off grants that the individual can apply for, which is absurd and horrifying, so feel free to point out how that won't work as well!

Here's what I'm writing, and do not just copy-paste my letter/email, because that makes it less legit. Do your own thing, even just one sentence telling your MP that you're opposed is enough if that's all you can manage. Whatever you want to say is what your MP needs to hear.

Dear [MP's name], Today I learned that the government plan to scrap PIP, and maybe replace it with something like a one-off grant application process, before the next election. ("Disabled people face end to monthly benefits cash", BBC News, 29 April 2024: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cn0ry09d50wo) PIP is about half of my income (about 44%). I don't spend it on occasional large purchases, I spend it on countless things that are more expensive for me than they are for other people. PIP is in place to acknowledge, as it says in the above article, that disabled people's lives are more expensive than non-disabled people's lives by hundreds of pounds per week. ("Previous research from Scope suggests households with at least one disabled adult or child face an estimated average extra cost of £975 a month to have the same standard of living as non-disabled households." That's £225 per week, and the maximum amount of PIP you can get is £184.) So firstly, it could be argued that PIP doesn't even cover the additional expenses of the average disabled household. And next, the cost of implementing an alternative system would be worse for disabled people, totally unsuited to its purpose, and more expensive to run. Worse for disabled people: Currently PIP acknowledges that being disabled takes a lot more work to maintain a comparable standard of living, and as it's an amount of work that the claimant cannot sustainably do, they are given money so that they can pay someone else to do it. These costs are distributed across all living expenses, in addition to occasional one-off purchases of e.g. mobility aids. Having to apply for one-off payments for expenses would be more work on top of that, so if the disabled person isn't able to do it (which is very likely) they will either have to work less in their day jobs in order to spend more time applying for one-off grants, or they will have to also apply for one-off payments to pay someone to apply for more one-off payments. This is self-evidently a waste of energy and time, and totally impractical, as well as being counter to the entire point of disability benefits. It would also be extremely undignified for the disabled people, and arguably against human rights (right to private life and dignity), to have to justify each purchase to the government. Totally unsuited to its purpose: One off-grants are not suited to ongoing higher expenses such as having to buy more prepared food (e.g. carrot batons are more expensive than raw carrots and go off much more quickly). Does this policy assume that disabled people's PIP is only for things like wheelchairs and walking sticks? More expensive to run: The system for PIP applications is already fairly backlogged, in that my last application took over 6 months to complete. I was awarded PIP for 10 years. If every application for a one-off grant had to be accompanied by an application of a similar scale that wouldn't be workable, so presumably an initial PIP application like the current system's would still be required to qualify for the system in the first place, and then following that, numerous smaller applications for money (e.g. for taxis, pre-chopped veg, painkillers, specialist clothing, etc.) would be carried out per person per month. The disability benefits system would have to be scaled up significantly, and it would be much more expensive. It is far cheaper to give people a set amount of money based on their needs; it's the same money that you would be giving them in grants anyway, but without having to process each purchase/one-off application. I implore you to oppose this proposal. It is blatantly unworkable to the level of absurdity, but more importantly it is inhumane. I look forward to your reply detailing your stance. Many thanks in advance. Yours sincerely, [My name]

But, again, if you can't manage anything long or complicated like that, your best is good enough. Even if they're not all perfectly written and detailed, we want to bowl them over with sheer quantity of emails.

[b3ach-bunn7]

Saw your request for story ideas!

Jason with a fibromyalgic reader. He really never has to fear them they will never have the strength to over power him. Only if you want to and are comfortable

(Pinky promise this is sent in by a fibromyalgic)

Hey, I really hope I wrote this as you hoped for! I tried my best to read up on the condition before, and I hope I did you justice!

DEPOLLUTE ME

You’re weaker than Jason, but it just makes him love you even more

—————————————————————————-

Jason Todd is a man of principles. Doing what he does, a vigilante, he has to be. Dick had told him when he'd emerged as Redhood, that it didn’t work to do what you want. That, despite what he’d like to believe, Jason was privileged to have the strength and talent that he did, and it was people like them who abused it, that were the reason they were doing this in the first place.

Whatever. Dick always wants to be the smartest guy in the room, Jason thinks. These principles, though, are why he was so scared of you at first. Maybe not of you, but to be with you.

Because the problem with you is that he’s completely not scared of you. And it's all because of your condition, which makes him feel even shittier than he already does about jt.

Fibromyalgia. That’s what it’s called, the condition he’d stayed up two nights in a row reading all he could about. Books and NHS information pages. Anything to learn everything about you. You’d told him about it on your fifth date, the one he’d planned to ask you to be his girlfriend. A chronic illness, that caused pain, fatigue, headaches.

“I just- It doesn’t hinder me much. I just need you to know before this gets serious. That you’ll probably be looking after me more than the average girlfriend.” You’d said, eyes cast down to the half eaten food on your plate.

“That doesn’t bother me. It- I’ve got some mobility issues too, in my arm. Got shot once.” Jason winces at the repsponse he’d given you. Like the two were even remotely similar.

You’d smiled slightly. “It’s a little worse than that. It’s a chronic illness. It’s sort of like.. constant pain in my body? Makes my muscles stiffer, amongst other things. And it makes me sort of.. weaker, I guess. Physically.”

The two of you had talked about it for a while, before you’d changed the subject. He’d asked you to be his girlfriend still, under the porch light at your doorway, and you said yes.

It’s why he’s in your apartment right now. You’d given him a key (despite him being perfectly capable of using the window) and never seem phased in the slightest when he’s sprawled on your couch reading when you’re not there. He loves those things the most about his relationship with you. You’d carved a place for him in your life and it felt so effortless. Like you didn’t even need to think about making an extra portion at dinner or leaving a change of clothes out even after you fall asleep, because you know he always finishes his work late.

Weaker. That’s the word you used to describe yourself. And in a way, Jason loves it.

It’s only something he’d admit to you, or maybe months into forced therapy sessions, but Jason Todd is scared. He’s scared of a lot of things, contrary to what he lets other people see. He’s scared he’ll lose the handful of people he’s come to love. He’s scared that one day he’ll fight another fight he won’t win. He’s scared that one day he might wake up and he’s back there, Arkham Asylum, with that sorry excuse of a human being with him. But worst of all, he’s scared of people. Not an overwhelming fear, nothing he can’t fight through in an instance, but. He just never knows who he can trust. Who he can be vulnerable around.

And Jason isn’t weak by any means. Not that he likes to brag, but most of his body mass is muscle, ones you’ve seen, abs you’d run your hands across under his bedsheets. He can defend himself, he knows he can. He just doesn’t want to have that fear looming over his head all the time. Because it can happen. It happened once.

It had already taken so long for him to even let you in. And it was so easy. You were so perfect. So pretty, so sweet. Jason was half sure you were lying about your condition, because there was no way somebody in constant pain, 24/7, was so kind. So nice. Had patience for how long it took him to warm up to you, to let you touch him without him breaking your hands.

It was like a miracle. One he was so cruelly happy for. It was like somebody had taken all the fears he had in every relationship and eradicated them. There was no world where you could hurt him like so many others had done before. You were incapable of it. He could let his guard down completely and he’d be fine.

And he felt guilty for it at first. Of course he did. Like he was benefiting from something that caused you pain. He’d told you, but like with everything, you were perfect. You’d only laughed,

“It’s okay.” You’d snorted, amused at his apologetic face. It had been uttered in the dark of your bedroom, his arms wrapped around your waist, your back pressed into his chest.

“I don’t really mind.” You fiddled absentmindedly with his fingers, traced the calluses on his palms. “Kinda like it, actually. Most people use it as an excuse to like me less. You’re doing the opposite.”

So he doesn’t feel guilty anymore. Maybe slightly, but that little smile you give him, he hates to say it melts him enough that he doesn’t care.

The sound of the door creaking open drags his attention away from his thoughts. He looks up and there you are. Bundled in a scarf and gloves and a hat. You told him that the cold sometimes made it worse, and the winter weather was cruel. Your eyes light up when you see him sitting on the couch. You bound over, throwing the discarded book on his lap away, and sitting down.

“Hey.” You grin.

“Hey, sweetheart.”

You lay down next to him and Jason moves, let you settle slowly down next to him, a hand carding through your hair. You ramble about your day and he listens.

[txttletale]

talkibg about starmer to people makes me feel fully insane I will try to explain why I feel miserable and frightened about labour winning due to his express statements that he does not give a fuck about trans people, refugees, palestine, the nhs, you name it and people will simply go Ah But You See He Has To Say That Because Of The Media But Actually He Will Do Good Things Directly Opposite To His Stated Policies On Account Of Because I Would Prefer To Think Of Labour As Good

the most infuriating thing ab out people who say that its htat its not even true lol starmer doesn't have to adopt any of these policies!! all recent polling shows that austerity is unpopular now and most poele dont give a single shit about trans people one way or another! and even if austerity and transphobnia were wildly popular policies it doesnt even matter because liz truss so thoroughly spiked the tory party into the dirt that keir starmer could run on a policy of 'im going to key your car and fuck your granny' and still win an overwhelming majority!

[z0mbiekisses]

Another request QUEEN!! I loved loved loved the Josh fic it was amazing and has me coming back for more! First of all though, how are you? I realised we haven't talked much before lol. Anyways, my amazing spectacular request!!

RAB Tyler who is best friends/hiding his feelings with the reader. She's someone who works super hard, gets good grades and almost drives herself insane with all the extra curriculars she does yet still doesn't feel good enough. After having a stressful day she stops by his house feeling worthless and he comforts her, refusing to let her believe she's not amazing.

Thanks bestie!

AHHH THANK YOU BFF!!!🤗🤗 thank you so much for requesting more, you’re always welcomed i LOVE your ideas . i did kind of write this in a highschool setting 😣😣.

i’m okayy, very tiredd BUT we’ll push on through (hehe)💪 TYSM FOR ASKING, how are you??😁 it’s always nice to hear from you 🫶

thank you guys so much for ur recent support!! it means smmm, sorry this took so long and it’s short, i have some more things in the drafts that hopefully make up for it 🫶 requests are opened !!🩶

THIS IS ME TRYING !

i always did my best. in school, life, everything. i needed to get into college, i NEEDED to get out of my house. however, college isn’t cheap. and i don’t exactly have the best support system, so it’s up to me. i’m in film club, national honors society and student council. i spend whatever free time studying or at my best friend, tyler’s house. it’s overwhelming, but i didn’t have many options. if i wanted to get into a good school and start living my life the way I want to, this had to be done. but today was rough, i spent all of last night finishing my college essay just to go to school bright and early the next day. i was so exhausted, but what else was new. except i had a test in my first two classes, a presentation for national honors society. and i had to stay late for a student council meeting.

i was used to the stress, however today was just awful. every little thing that could go wrong went wrong. i was late to school because my car broke down, which meant i missed taking the test. i tried to beg my teacher to still let me take it but he only said he'll think about letting me make it up. i NEEDED to take this test, it was a huge part of my grade. it wasn't fair. i gave my presentation for NHS, which went fine. except everyone's presentations were WAY better than mine was. it was obvious the amount of effort and time they spent on it, sure i put effort into mines. i was just missing the time, since i stayed up all night wednesday putting it together. i felt like an idiot. i sat alone at lunch, i only shared my lunch period with one of my friends. but she was busy hanging with her boyfriend. i ended up skipping and just spending the time volunteering at the library. the more hours the better. the day seemed to drag on, especially since i had to stay later. like most if not all the other kids who did student council, we were only doing it for our college applications. i didn't get along well with the other kids. not in the way where we would fight or anything. they were all just so pretentious and snobby. they would always undermind me, as if i could never be an intellectual individual like them. i spent the whole 4 hours i had to stay there wanting to stick my face in a hot pan of oil. when it was all FINALLY over, i sat in my car for a minute. i felt so.. worthless. everything i did didn't feel like enough, maybe it wasn't enough. what's the point of doing all these things if i wasn't even good at any of it? it wasn't long before tears filled my eyes. but i watched as the other kids from student council walked over to their fancy cars. and i realized the last thing i needed was for them to see me crying in car that probably should've been in a junkyard AGES ago. i didn't want to go home, my parents would only make me feel worse. i called tyler and asked if i could come over. he said yes and with that i drove over to his house in silence. my thoughts racing through my head were the only things i could hear. i will never be good enough. for anyone, for anything. what is the point in even trying?

eventually i knocked on tyler's door. to which he answered with a smile. it was a struggle for me to return one back. i didn't say anything at first, tyler was telling me about some story about him and josh. i couldn't focus though, my head was spinning. tyler noticed, he reached out and touched my shoulder lightly. "what's going on y/n?", tyler spoke softly. i tried to shrug it off, but tyler was more stubborn than i was.

"i know you're not okay, what's up?", tyler looked over at me softly. i wanted to tell him not to worry about it. my problems were stupid anyways. but i knew tyler wasn't one to let these kind of things go.

"what is the point of trying if i'll never be good enough.."

"trying to do what?"

"everything.", i let out a sigh.

"all i do is try, try, try. and yet i always fall short every single time i mean- it's exhausting.", as much as i tried to fight it tears fell from my eyes.

"i'm not good enough i-"

"y/n please.", tyler reached out and held my hand.

"you are more than amazing. you are the most hard working, driven person i know."

"you have to say that-"

"i mean it.", my cloudy eyes met tyler's brown ones.

"i think you're more than enough, you have such amazing things ahead of you. and that's all because of your dedication. i'm so proud of you.", i practically fell into tyler's arms. he rubbed my back as he spoke over my muffled sobs.

"you're so perfect to me y/n, i admire you.", those word silenced the negative thoughts pounding in my head. tyler's arms made me feel safe. i finally felt okay. i always knew tyler had a way with words thanks to his music. but this was so much better than that. i finally felt like i was enough.

“look at me y/n.”, i hesitated for a moment before i lifted my head up. this was the closest we’ve ever been, our inches only inches away from each other.

“i think you’re so lovely.”, my cheeks flushed a little bit. tyler’s compliment making my heart skip a beat.

“as long as you think so.”

[badaziraphaletakes]

So I’ve seen autistics saying they want to k*ll themselves because the show is cut short 💔 and alltistics responding that they need to go to therapy, they’re immature, etc.

To those autistic people, I’ll be talking about this in another post.

To the alltistic people responding that way - please fuck all the way off. If you’re not one of us, you’re not invited to the discussion about how Autistic people should behave.

However, that's moot anyway, because when Autistic people are being shitty, it is NOT because of their autism (we talked about this in the aforementioned previous post). Autism does not make people bigoted. (Neither does any other disability, for the record.)

Second of all, NEVER just tell a stranger “you need to go to therapy” like that. Especially an Autistic person. Here’s why.

First of all, many autistic people can’t access therapy.

In the UK there’s a massive waiting list for therapy because the NHS is underfunded. The situation is similar in Canada and I would imagine in many other countries as well.

In the U.S., many, probably most, Autistic people don’t have health insurance, because 86% of Autistic COLLEGE GRADUATES are unemployed (I can only assume the numbers are similar in other countries) and famously, in America no job 🟰 no health insurance, because, idk, ✨ Freedom ✨ or some bullshit like that.

And even if we do get to therapy, most therapists are not autism-informed and may easily end up traumatizing us further. (This has happened to me.)

We are vulnerable. Many of us are stuck living at home with family forever for the reasons listed above. Which SUCKS, because our families are much more likely to ab*se us than their alltistic kids.

Many of us never find a romantic partner. And even if we do, again, we are much more likely to be ab*sed by our partners than alltistic people are.

It’s also exhausting for us to go out because of sensory overwhelm and the fear that people will take advantage of our diminished ability to judge people’s intentions (and because Black and Native Autistic people risk being murdered if they show signs of being Autistic in public), and when we do go out, it’s hard for us to make friends because people are so prejudiced against us. We sweat blood trying to exert ourselves to make friends with alltistics, and 99% of the time they refuse to meet us halfway.

In short, the situation ain’t pretty. (And if we’re multiply marginalized, as many of us are, it gets so, so much worse.) For every N*il G*iman, there are thousands of us who are told we should feel lucky to get a job being paid 50c an hour (oh, yeah, that’s right - I forgot to mention, in the U.S. it’s legal to pay us below minimum wage).

***Not to mention the fact that literally every single Autistic person has experienced trauma means that it’s virtually impossible to separate out what’s actually autism and what’s just a trauma response. Look how similarly autism, as defined by the DSM-V, and C-PTSD present. Difficulty regulating emotions. Avoidance of certain situations. Difficulties in sustaining relationships. Stomach issues. Sleep problems. Heightened risk of su*cide.***

That’s a HUGE part of the reason we get so "overly" invested in our special interests. For many of us, they're literally all we have.

The joy that comes through special interests when they're going well - that part is unique to us (and it's beautiful). It's an autism perk. Idk why. I guess God or somebody thought it was time someone did something nice for us for a change.

But the despair that comes through losing them - that's not the fault of autism, it's the fault of the ableist society we live in.

If you were, through no fault at your own, stuck at home with no job, no healthcare, no prospects, few friends, and nothing to look forward to, then you, my alltistic friend, would melt down just as hard as we do if your favorite show got cancelled. It would be the straw that broke the camel's back.

Those Autistic people freaking out over the Great Good Omens Mutilation of 2024 aren’t really "suicidal over a tv show".

The reason we carry around so much despair is because we are slowly being crushed to death by systemic ableism, not because our brains are "too obsessive" or some ableist bullshit like that.

So, alltistics, please stop psychoanalyzing us - your latest autism hot take is dead wrong, like they always are. And above all, for the love of God, PLEASE stop demanding that we do the labor to "fix" our "emotional issues" when those issues are the result of a problem that you fuckers created.

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

~*~

1. Itmf fics where yzy and jfm are actually good parents and wwx has a good relationship with yzy. It'll be great if you have it in Canon era, but if not, then I don't mind them being modern too

Still Waters by PorcupineGirl (G, 6k, wangxian, canon divergence, cloud recesses study arc, YZY pov, arranged marriage, protective YZY) Cloud recesses study arc, YZY pov, she likes WWX and wants what’s best for him. She set up an arranged marriage between him & LWJ as kids but now thinks that LWJ is too cold and unemotional for WWX.

Hope series by RoseThorne (T, 57k, wangxian, WWX & YZY, WWX & JFM, WWX & JYL, YZY/JFM, JC & WWX, LQR & WWX, LXC & JYL, Madam Jin & YZY, LQR & JFM, LXC & LWJ, Transmigration, Time Travel Fix-It, Illnesses, Family, Scars, Memory Loss, Angst, Crying, Music, Nosebleed, Fear, Recovery, Nightmares, Sharing a Bed, Flirting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Good Parent YZY, Referenced Sexual Slavery, Blood and Gore, Monsters, Sexual Tension, betrothal, Arranged Marriage, Grief, Adoption, POV Third Person, POV Alternating, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Good Parent LQR, Clairvoyance, Butterfly Effect, Kid Fic, Epistolary, Food, Secrets, Resentful Energy, Cultivation Sect Politics, Character Death)

🔒 Of Destruction and Rebirth by demoniqt (M, 88k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, major character death, rape/non-con, underage, graphic depictions of violence, Slow Burn, Canonical Character Death, God WWX, God Verse, BAMF WWX, Grieving LWJ, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Divergence, Gods & Goddesses au, JC & WWX Reconciliation, Rabbits, Fix-It, Attempted Sexual Assault, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Canon-Typical Violence, Blood and Gore, Castration, Lots of it, repeatedly, Punishment, Hell)

🧡 Heaven Has No Rage by flipfloppandas (M, 51k, WWX & YZY, JFM/YZY,  implied wangxian, WWX/WC, WWX/others, rape/non-con, modern, hurt/comfort, protective YZY, good parent YZY, hospitals, medical procedures, vomiting, trauma)

~*~

2. Hi, I'm really in the mood for a fic set in post canon. Wangxian are happily married and there is a JC and WWX reconciliation, but LWJ and JC still don't like each other. I think it is funny if they are trying to tolerate each other's presence for the sake of WWX. But they still give WWX a headache because JC and LWJ still fight ( using words ). Of course it is a bonus if the junior quartet are also in the fic. Expecially JL and WWX having interactions as uncle and nephew. @yunshenlianhua

❤️ Attempting the Impossible by Ariaste for williedustice (T, 36k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Post-Canon, Yunmeng Bros Reconciliation, Adoption, Family Fluff, Kid fic, Family drama, Fluff, Español Translation Attempting the Impossible by Hummingbird_52, [PODFIC] Attempting the Impossible by Ariaste by lunatique)

With Absolute Splendor by Lise (T, 43k, wangxian, JC & WWX, JC & LWJ, JC & JL, Post-Canon, POV JC, JC is Bad at Feelings, JC & WWX Reconciliation, Weddings, Wedding Planning, Some politics, Complicated Relationships, Brothers, let's do some HEALING and RELATIONSHIP BUILDING, ode to Lise's Yunmeng Shuangjie feelings in almost 50k words, jc and lwj still don't like each other very much, Angst with a Happy Ending, some people? plan weddings?? to cope???, Podfic Available)

~*~

3. can i have some fics with similar element to "Content Warning: Romance" by ariaste? as in, wwx feeling uncomfortable with being treated tenderly, but not wholly opposed to it either, so lwj showers him with tenderness. can be fluff, or can contain kinky element (in a "i will force u to receive tenderness but i will stop if u safeword"). bonus points if wwx gets so overwhelmed he starts crying

Stray Cat by Surprised_by_witches (E, 148k, WangXian, Modern AU, Dealing With Trauma, Angst, Depression, OCD, Past Drug Use, Non-Binary NHS, Brief suicide ideation, Slow Burn, Self-Harm, Past Child Abuse)

~*~

4. Hi hi hi! Does anyone know of any fics where WWX and JC get along well? Especially where JC calls WWX ge/brother. Could be any setting/plot, just want that family dynamic!

Lynchpin by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 103k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Time Travel, Fix-It, Lynchpin [PODFIC] by Opalsong, [PODFIC] Lynchpin by Gwogobo)

With Such Impossible Conveyance by Comfect (T, 99k, WangXian, ChengQing, Fix-It, Brotherly Bonding, Angst with a Happy Ending, feelings what feelings, Anger Management, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Behavior, Swearing, Fluff, Romance, An End to Idiotic Pining, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Except The Bad Guys, Humor, [Podfic] With Such Impossible Conveyance by achluophobia, contributor-sky (deepestbluesky), esbielle was also here (esbielle), flamingwell_collabs, GoLBCollabs (GodOfLaundryBaskets), Hechu, Lavendargrrl, mahons_ondine, mistingsidekick, Ohari, semperfiona_podfic (semperfiona), with (fensandmarshes), with (olive2read))

this storm that should not be by TheDameJudiWench (G, 6k, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, Drowning, Family Dynamics) (link in #8B)

So You Accidentally Kidnapped A Qilin by Mikkeneko (T, 83k, WangXian, Juuni Kokki | Twelve Kingdoms Fusion, mdm yu’s a+ parenting, Identity Issues, Cultivator Politics, Yin Iron Poisoning, Twin Prides of Yúnmèng Feels, Yunmeng Bros Reconciliation, WWX Needs a Hug, Mutual Pining, Miscommunication, Getting Together, Temporary Character Death, Happy Ending, Pacifist WWX, MXTX Big Bang 2021) they do fight, understandable i think given the plot, but they are clearly very close, call each other brother, and have each others' back. in fact that's Mikkeneko's brand, i feel, def check out their other fics

~*~

5. Hello! ITMF Wei Wuxian getting his original body back. In particular, fics which have big dramatic scenes where people are shocked to see WWX in said original body alive again. Thank you so much!

🔒 A Gift in a Curse’s Guise by Setyourlazerstopew (E, 9k, wangxian, post-canon, curse breaking, WWX gets his own body back, strength kink, bottom lwj, undernegotiated kink, manhandling, aftercare)

💖 Transcend by covalentbonds (Not rated, 7k, wangxian, post-canon, fluff & humor, smut, WIP)

a truth universal by curiositykilled (T, 7k, LSZ & WWX, Junior quartet, Post-Canon, Crack Treated Seriously, or at least crack that veered peculiarly into seriousness, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Trauma, Childhood Trauma, WWX's Year of Travel, MianMian cameo, LSZ's fear of abandonment, Misunderstandings, Comedy, Alcohol)

Is Your Old Body Considered a Halloween Costume? by The_peregrine_falcon (G, 3k, WangXian, Fluff, Canon Compliant, Post-Canon)

~*~

6. Hello! Would anyone happen to know of any fics where the yin tiger seal takes a liking to Lan Wangji? @kedaliya

Little Death by sassybluee (E, 28k, wangxian, graphic depictions of violence, Canon Divergence, Dark WWX, Courtesan LWJ, Violent Thoughts, Resentacles, Mpreg, Magical Pregnancy, PWP, Heavy Angst with a Happy Ending, Pining while fucking, Bondage, Bottom LWJ, referenced lwj + others, Blood Drinking, YLLZ WWX, Near Death Experiences, accidental near death experiences, Dissociation, sentient resentful energy, Intersex, Lactation Kink, Cunnilingus, Nipple Play, Praise Kink, Dom/sub Undertones, Under-negotiated Kink, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Pregnant LWJ, Non-Consensual Body Modification) please read the tags n warnings tho :)

~*~

7. ITMF the juniors crushing on handsome Wei Wuxian? It doesn’t have to be smutty or anything like actual serious crushes. I would love to see puppy love or them being in awe of how cool and powerful and charming he is. Thanks

~*~

8. Hi there! Thank you for recommending so many great fics! A) Itmf fics where WWX overcomes his fear of dogs. B) Also itmf fics where LWJ rescues WWX from drowning. Many thanks 🙏

8A)

Imprints by Lisa_Telramor (G, 47k, wangxian, post-canon, humor, panic attacks, phobia recovery, poor life choices, JC & WWX reconciliation, dogs) WWX accidentally adopts a puppy. IIRC, he doesn't fully get over his fear. But he tries working on it, & is at least able to tolerate his own dog

Operation Barking Dog by RoseThorne (T, 20k, wangxian, JL & WWX, Fairy & MXY, WN & WWX, LSZ & WWX, LSZ & LWJ, Family, Mutual Pining, WWX Has a Fear of Dogs, Repaying Debt, Regret, Phobias, Trauma, Memories, Tree Climbing, There Was Only One Bed, Travel, JC in Seclusion, Cynophobia, POV Third Person, POV LWJ, Flowers, Grief/Mourning, WWX in MXY's Body, Pre-Slash, Cats, Dogs, Hair Braiding)

8B)

Ice Makes Warmth by donutsweeper (G, 1k, WangXian, Carrying, Drowning, Huddling For Warmth, Snow Storm) has a brief drowning and rescue scene

Hope Dangling by a String by KouriArashi (M, 70k, wangxian, canon divergence, fix-it, everyone lives, angst w happy ending, hurt/comfort, psychic bond, telepathy, communication, emotional/psychological abuse, jiang family feels, lan family feels, canon-typical violence, canon-typical politics, improper use of sacred forehead ribbons, gratuitous hair washing) note -- it's a long fic & the drowning thing is a major plot point in the last quarter of the fic

🔒🧡 rain falls and soaks into the earth series by RoseThorne (T, 53k, WangXian, WIP, Near Death Experience, Attempt Drowning, Madam Yu Bashing, Recovery, No war AU) can't remember if lwj saves him but wwx almost drowning is a major part of this series

this storm that should not be by TheDameJudiWench (G, 6k, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, Drowning, Family Dynamics) also a fic where Jiang Cheng saves wwx from drowning? Not sure if requester #8 is interested. Might work for #4 as well, ymmv

~*~

9. Hello thank you for all your hard work! Itmf fics with some quality found family similar to Come Around and Stay, The Martial Arts Instructor Fic You Didn’t Know You Needed, or if you can’t beat them, recruit them. Or with a really great sense of community, like the one fic about the a**hole dog. Modern era preferred but not necessary.

leave all your love and your longing behind by ScarlettStorm (E, 14k, WangXian, Modern AU, no magic, Meet-Ugly, Panic Attacks, autistic lwj, neurodivergent wwx, the neighborhood asshole dog, if you've met one then you know, Hurt/Comfort, Pining, Minor Angst, major shenanigans, Happy Ending, for everyone including the asshole dog, Eventual Smut, switch rights, Sex Toys, horny yearning, Masturbation) asshole dog fic (link to podfic in #14)

Just Ask Me To Stay by mrcformoso (M, 21k, wangxian, past JZN/WWX, modern, Dancer WWX, Musician LWJ, Roommates, Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, Break Up, Post-Break Up, Recovery, Family, Realizing Your Best Friend is the Love of Your Life, WWX Has Self-Esteem Issues, And LWJ is not having it, Sex as Self Worth Reaffirmation, Light Angst, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Oral Sex, Domestic Fluff, LWJ Has a Big Dick, WWX Has a Breeding Kink, Size Queen WWX, Belly Bulge, Porn With Plot, Seriously there is a lot of plot, WWX Has Friends, LWJ Has Friends, Hurt/Comfort, A lot of comfort, Romantic Comedy, Cute, Feel-good)

🧡 Faire thee well by Scrippio (T, 77k, WangXian, ChengQing, XuanLi, 3Zun, Modern AU, Renaissance Faire, Mutual Pining, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Slow Burn)

~*~

10. Itmf fics where

A) wangxian have marital problems like fights, and B) in connection to A, in which after a big fight, wwx being heartbroken just gives up and does something big and lwj is heartbroken too.

C) books which have scenes like, something really sweet and hearty and next moment we realise that this sweetness was only for this bad , very bad thing to happen next.

10 A/B) KILF (Knits I'd Like To Fuck in) by ScarlettStorm (E, 168k, wangxian, modern, sex work, fiber arts, 2nd in series) has a pretty big fight and reconciliation (though they aren’t married) in chapters 17-18

~*~

11. Hello! It's my first time using this blog to look for a fic. I hope I'm doing it right. I'm in the mood for a longer (at least 20k) fanfic, preferably completed but can be WIP as well. I would like an omegaverse fic where neither Wei Wuxian nor Lan Wangji are feminized. I would prefer the fic to be plot-heavy as well. I would love Wangxian to be the main pairing but I'm okay with others as well. Thank you for your hard work. @broodyelii

Coincidence is Another Man's Fate by TriviasFolly (M, 164k, wangxian, rape/non-con, modenrn, A/B/O, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Sexual Harassment, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, WangXian play the long game, UNTIL THEY DON'T, Getting Together, fated pairs, Eventual Attempted Sexual Assult and Recovery, Office au, Mpreg)

~*~

12. Are there any fics featuring a) Fierce Corpse LWJ, or b) NMJ being kept around as a fierce corpse? I've checked the 'Fierce Corpse x' tags for those characters, but there are fewer fics than I'd expected considering how much potential those ideas have, so I'm wondering if there are other fics out there without those tags? @thispatternismine

12A)

blue skies forever Series by rikke (M, 11k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, major character death in a necromantic way, necrophilia also in a necromantic way, canon divergence with the bad ending route, lwj is wwx’s corpse boyfriend)

12B)

A Bell That Tells Us to Rise and Fight by DeerstalkerDeathFrisbee (T, 120k, wangxian, JC/WQ, JYL/JZX, SL/XXC, Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, Everyone Lives au, Everyone Needs A Hug, Women Being Awesome, WQ is a goddess, content warning for JGS, content warning for XY, content warning for JGY, WWX's terrible awful brilliant plans, Yunmeng Bros, JYL is an angel, BAMF Women, I take it back NMJ still dies, Minor Character Death, NMJ is BACK and he is NOT HAPPY, MM is not paid enough for this shit)

~*~

13. for the next itmf, i was wondering what are some of the best, most gut wrenching, golden core reveal fics you have ever read? it can be the main focus of the fic or one moment in a long multi chapter but the reveal is a huge part and is beautifully written? hopefully with a happy ending but anything dramatic is appreciated. thanks in advance.

we’re starting at the end by Miss_Enthusiasimal (M, 92k, wangxian, JC & WWX, time travel, canon divergence, implied/referenced suicide, golden core reveal, hurt/comfort, angst, starvation, self harm, cannibalism, amputation, sunshot campaign) I like how the core transfer reveal hits in this fic

golden as they come (but he's bleeding out) by Shializaro (T, 14k, WIP, WangXian, Poisoning, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt WWX, Post-Sunshot Campaign, Pre-Phoenix Mountain Hunt, references to canibalism, POV LWJ) read their works they make me cry

A Mother’s Love by FirefliesNLightningBugs (M, 170k, WangXian, XuanLi, Canon Divergence, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Mostly combo of the Untamed and MoDaoZuShi timelines, Unreliable Narrator, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Miscommunication, Family Feels, Found Family, PTSD, Post-Sunshot Campaign, Political Intrigue, Mystery, POV Multiple, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Strong Female Characters, Additional Warnings In Author’s Note, Good Brother In Law JZX, Genderbent WWX, Intersex WWX, not a/b/o, POV Original Character, Expanded Universe, Unplanned Pregnancy, Golden Core Reveal, WWX Has No Golden Core, Cultivation Sect Politics, Bisexual WWX, YLLZ WWX, Yunmeng Shuangjie, Pining WangXian, Parent-Child Relationship, Getting Together, Protective Yúnmèng Jiāng Sect, MXY Lives) Happens in first few chapters. And a focus on the Jiang siblings' relationship is a continuing theme throughout the fic

~*~

14. In the mood for some good new podfics!

[Cold Read Podfic] leave all your love and your longing behind by Rionaa (E, 10-15 hrs, WangXian, Modern AU, no magic, Meet-Ugly, Panic Attacks, autistic lwj, neurodivergent wwx, the neighborhood asshole dog, if you've met one then you know, Hurt/Comfort, Pining, Minor Angst, major shenanigans, Happy Ending, for everyone including the asshole dog, Eventual Smut, switch rights, Sex Toys, horny yearning, Masturbation) (link to fic in #9)

Teen Project to Change the world (PODFIC) by animeloverhomura, sandradaffodils (Not Rated, 1-1.5/1.5-2 hrs, WIP, WangXian, XuanLi, Watching the Show, With a bit of the Manhua and Book thrown in, Characters Watching Their Series, characters watching the future, BAMF WWX, Fix-It, jgs is his own warning, Attractive WWX, Homophobia, Disturbing Fluff)

[Podfic] lovely thorns and singing crows by semperfiona_podfic (semperfiona) (E, 4-4.5 hrs, WangXian, Modern AU, Addams Family Vibes, meet cute at a funeral, Madam Lán Lives, Light Horror, Curses, Possession, Fluff and Humor, Developing Relationship, Found Family, Weirdo4weirdo wangxian, Eventual Smut, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Audio Format: Streaming, Audio Format: MP3, Audio Format: Download, Audio Format: M4B)

[PODFIC] this humble fox by lostsometime (T, 3-3.5 hrs, WangXian, XiYao, ChengSang, SongXiaoXue, MingSu, Canon Divergence, Creatures & Monsters, Fox Spirit WWX, Minor Character Death, Espionage, Sunshot Campaign, Scheming JGY, Scheming NHS, little dogs for nhs, Slow Romance, War, Happy Ending, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies)

[Podfic] kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight by contributor-sky (deepestbluesky), esbielle was also here (esbielle), glittercracker, GodOfLaundryBaskets, jellyfishfire, kisahawklin, Koontyme, Rionaa, semperfiona (T, 7-10 hrs, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Eventual Happy Ending, Getting Together, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Inspired by The Parent Trap (1998), Kid Fic, teen shenanigans, two a-yuans, Fluff and Angst)

[Podfic] decay by zaffre (G, 1.5-2 hrs, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Angst, Misunderstandings, Miscommunication, big sister wq, warnings for wwx's typical level of self-care, Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, the fluffiest ending, Hurt/Comfort)

The Martial Arts Instructor Fic You Didn't Know You Needed [PODFIC] by enbysaurus_chats (enbysaurus_rex), enbysaurus_rex (M, Over 20 hrs, WIP, WangXian, Modern AU, Martial Arts, Accurate Martial Arts, Not Canon Compliant, WWX Has ADHD, Autistic LWJ, Mutual Pining, WWX being cute with kids, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Trans WWX, Trans WN, Trans JC, Trans OYZZ, PTSD, Slow Burn, BAMF WN, Aro WN, Queerplatonic Relationships, Chronic Illness, Polyamory Negotiations, Found Family, JC & WWX Reconciliation, Tags at the beginning of each chapter)

[Podfic] Take Some Advice Paesano by jennisaisquoi (M, 45-60m, WangXian, Modern AU, Mob, Mafia AU - Clown Version, Humor, Mistaken Identity, Getting Together)

~*~

15. Itmf fics w/ a similar premise to "Cleaning & Courtship" by Winxhelina on ao3. Where being a servant in a cultivation household is actually a specialized skill cause you can't damage spiritual tools or accidentally unleash curses while doing the dusting. But its a high demand w/ low supply & snotty rich cultivators.

~*~

16. Itmf fics where the wen take on wei wuxian's name, esp as a way to hide

only the dead (have seen the end of war) by comforting_monachopsis (T, 42k, WangXian, XuanLi, Temporary Amnesia, BAMF WWX, Sad LWJ, Grief/Mourning, Loneliness, Mild Gore, Medical Inaccuracies, Poetry, Secret Identity, Loss of Identity, Identity Porn, The Science of Cultivation, Good Older Sibling LXC, Good Older Sibling NMJ, Good Older Sibling WWX, NMJ is a Himbo, NHS Ships It, NHS is a Crafty Bitch, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, Angst and Humor, Crossdressing, WWX is Bad at Feelings) It’s brief but they do in comforting_monachopsis’ only the dead (have seen the end of war) Also, check out the YilingWei Sect tag, because that tends to happen a lot in there

🔒 the thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break by RoseThorne (E, 88k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Soulmates, Self-Esteem Issues, Fix-It, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, PTSD, Handfasting, Panic Attacks, Getting Together, First Time, Aftercare, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Torture, Scars, Chronic Pain, Golden Core Reveal, First Time, Switching, sex-related injury, LWJ Stays at the Burial Mounds, LSZ is a Wèi, Good Sibling JC, Dissociation, Burial Mounds Settlement Days)

🧡 Never Again by Hauntcats (T, 67k, WangXian, WWX & WQ & WN, Canon Divergence, Time Travel, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, Angst, Not JC Friendly, BAMF WWX)

~*~

17. Itmf fic where wwx has another pseudonym and reputation that's fairly well known, but isn't associated with him. Kinda secret identity fics

The Scarlet Lotus by rainbowninja167 (M, 137k, WangXian, Marriage of Convenience, Secret Identity, Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Canon-Typical Violence, canon-typical war crimes, Yunmeng Bros, the mortifying ordeal of getting seduced by your own husband, nonlinear chronology we die like cql, just kidding nobody dies in this fic, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Miscommunication) when I say I dug through 23 pages of my history for this one…

❤️ By Any Other Name by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 31k, Wangxian, Canon Divergence, Crossdressing, Misunderstandings, Identity Porn, Identity reveal, Polski Translation Pod każdym innym imieniem by tehanu, [PODFIC] By Any Other Name by sakizar) in which WWX hides his resurrection with a new ID courtesy of Jiang Cheng

Rest is Revolution Series by MarbleGlove (G/T, 32k, XuanLi, WangXian, Fix-It, Post-Sunshot Campaign, this might be crack, Niè Cultivation, BAMF NHS, BAMF JYL, Canon Divergence, Madam Lán Backstory, Getting Together) I’m joking but Rest is Revolution series by MarbleGlove is a bit like that

only the dead (have seen the end of war) by comforting_monachopsis (T, 42k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, temporary amnesia, BAMF WWX, sad LWJ, grief/mourning, loneliness, mild gore, secret identity, loss of identity, identity porn, angst, humor, crossdressing)

travelers through the empty gate by stiltonbasket (M, 99k, WIP, WangXian, Royalty, Emperor WWX, Mistaken Identity, Poor LWJ, Bookshop owner LWJ, Intrigue, Court Drama, Forced Marriage, Confused WWX, POV Alternating, Parenthood, Misunderstandings, Empress LWJ, Requited Unrequited Love, Fluff, Humor, Married Life, Angst with a Happy Ending)

the devil's resting place by fuckingspacequeen (M, 27k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Grief/Mourning, Mistaken Identity, Canonical Character Death, Canon-Typical Violence, Sentient Burial Mounds, Angst with a Happy Ending, JC & LWJ Friendship, POV LWJ, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies)

Lay my body down by tawaen (M, 48k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Time Travel, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Eventual WangXian, No Golden Core Transfer, Not Cultivation World Friendly, Canon-Typical Violence, Not JC Friendly)

Wei Wuxian, Who’s That? by bumbledees (T, 48k, wangxian, crossdressing, pining, sibling feels)

~*~

If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[bobbydagen24]

about the Headcannon/Fan Theory that Branch is Autistic.

I first started thinking it a few years ago after I watched TBGO for the first time I didn't used to interact much with the fandom online back then.

but after I started doing so I was kinda pleasantly surprised to find out there were other people who thought the same I mainly have the HC about Tv show Branch.

due to certain behaviours and Traits specific to the shows but there are still signs for the movie version as well someone even did multiple youtube videos pointing the signs out.

anyway I figured the easiest way to talk about this is to go over the most common signs of Autism as is stated by NHS on their websites that could apply to him.

tho obviously everyone's different someone not having a few of these signs doesn't mean they aren't autistic. Getting Anxious in social situations and finding it hard to make friends or preferring to be on your own plenty of examples sure its also in large part due to the amount of time he spent avoiding people in his youth but it easily can be taken as an A sign as well. in the episode "" Mr Glittercakes "" he invents a fake person just so he can have an excuse to blow off multiple social events and we see he tires of being social pretty quickly and easily. in "" Fun Branch "" hanging out with the snack pack in his Home proves to be too tiring and stressful not to mention him stressfully micro managing everyone at his party at the start of "" Bye Bye Bunker "" also in "" Two's a Cloud "" he was shown being pretty overwhelmed by spending too much time with people and also due to "" too much affection ""

I swear I will never get tired of that clip 😂😂😂😂 anyway it also ties in to the next common sign. Aversion to Physical Contact. again not every person on the spectrum has it but it is fairly common Branch improves after the first film.

but during the first film he'd literally Rather go to Bergen town with Poppy and Risk being eaten than stay in his safe Bunker and have to put up with Hug times from the other Villagers 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

and in TBGO he's still fairly averse to them when they travel the multiple dimensions the others are all Horrified when they come across the universe where no one knows what a Hug is.

but Branch smugly suggests he's fine with the thought of them staying in that universe before the others drag him away lol.

also in the clip above he seems to have a mini freak out over too much Hugging and even stims a little from the looks of things.

Liking to plan things carefully before doing them.

bit fat yes in "" Peril Patch "" when playing Golf he planned out every minor detail obsessively before taking a single shot. in "" Branch Bum "" he carefully planned out every detail of their Trip and was only actually concerned with the journey there and the journey back lol.

Not understanding Various social Cues.

this one kinda depends since Pop Troll society is so different from our own but given how in that world its Technically the Norm it does make Branch's lack of understanding a social failing on his part.

such as suggesting cutting the Twins Hair when they were having a Disagreement and Poppy stating that was a Social Cue most people would know.

plus in "" Eye'll Be Watching You "" when Poppy said she needed to think about it first before he could put his safety plants around the village.

Branch mistook that to mean she would just think about it for a few seconds then and there and proceeded to stare at her with an adorable smile lol.

also just him doing generally odd stuff in public like screaming about how they will all die when the water dries up in "" Laugh Out Cloud "" and ya know Harvesting Baby Tears 😂😂😂😂😂😂

in "" The Makeunder "" where Branch Teaches Lownote how to act more like him so he can be less social and cool at Guy Diamond's party.

the things Branch tells him to do includes 1. avoiding eye contact during conversation and then overcompensating with an uncomfortable amount of intense eye contact. 2. talking on and on about your own interests not paying any mind to how Bored the other people who your talking to may be. 3. and doing things things such as laughing at inappropriate times when people are talking aka showing the wrong emotional responses to specific situations and interactions. all of which are things which could be signs in certain individuals.

having a very fixated keen interest in a certain subject and area of expertise.

I'd consider his whole love of safety and traps aka engineering as well given he also builds other stuff such as helping build the Train the "" Cakes on a Train "" episode of Trollstopia.

and various devices such as the machine to pick what their new Holiday will be all of his various complex traps and of course Gary.

Poppy literally Refers to him as a safety nerd in the Birthday episode where she throws him a party where he gets to be the lifeguard its so friggin cute 💖💖💖💖

sure in large part its also due to his past Trauma but it kinda works as both imo he deffo takes a keen interest in this stuff beyond just feeling the need to do it for safety given he actively enjoys it. also Trouble getting your tone of voice to match what your trying to say can be a sign. which we see in one of my favourite moments ever from the first episode of Trollstopia where he tries to be genuine and supportive only to sound like he's being Rude and Sarcastic. anyway those are some reasons and also moments that made me HC him as Autistic I'm not saying it was the writers intent or anything.

I think its more likely just a happy accident that he was written in such a way that some of the fandom interpreted him as having Autism.

anyway thanks for reading if your a fellow fan who has this HC I'd be curious to hear what it was about Branch or what specific moments made you start Head cannoning him as such?

[edosianorchids901]

Learning to Live

Ace Omens Hugfest 2024 prompt - "group hug"

Aziraphale tried very hard not to let out any audible noises as the tears fell. He didn’t feel entirely self conscious about the tears. It had been an awfully difficult day, after all, and he’d learned long ago that sometimes it was necessary just to cry for a few seconds before getting back to work.

But while he felt a bit like sobbing for a longer length of time, he refused to allow himself that much loss of control. It would make Crawley feel as if he needed to extend comfort, for one thing, and that would hardly be fair. His silent companionship was kindness enough.

And quite remarkable, at that. Aziraphale marveled at it, which proved a very nice distraction from his guilt. Crawley had come out here to sit with him, to ensure he was okay. And he’d stayed.

He’d broken Aziraphale’s fall, really. Softened the landing. And now, the world didn’t feel nearly as overwhelming, the consequences as dire. It was almost too good to be true.

“Did you mean it?” Aziraphale asked.

Crawley didn’t look at him, still just gazing steadily over the water. “Hmm?”

“That I wouldn’t like Hell. I-I mean, it’s Hell. I don’t suppose anyone is supposed to like it.” Was that rude? Aziraphale was a bit too rattled to be sure. “What I mean is… does it really matter to you, what I like?”

“Nh.” Crawley gave a tiny shrug. “Wouldn’t have encouraged you to eat if I didn’t think you’d enjoy it.”

“I did enjoy it.” So much more than he would have ever expected. Oh, he’d been curious about food, but he never thought he’d get the chance to sample some. “But do you really expect me to believe that the only reason you tempted—er, that you encouraged—me to try the food is that you thought I’d enjoy it? No nefarious motives?”

Crawley gave another tiny shrug. “‘Course I had nefarious motives. Everything I do is nefarious.”

Aziraphale pursed his lips, unconvinced by that. Crawley was quite excellent at playing the evil demon—but he wasn’t evil, not at all. “Was your nefarious motive, perhaps, related to wanting someone to share a ‘meal’ with?”

That got a reaction, albeit a subtle one. Crawley’s eyes darted to him for just a second. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Aha! I knew it.” Aziraphale found himself smiling, and feeling much less alone than he had a mere handful of minutes ago. And suddenly quite daring. “Would, um… would you by any chance be interested in doing it again? I was thinking, I never did try the wine…”

That got a full reaction. Crawley twisted to look at him, eyes wide behind the dark glasses. “Are you sure you’re ready for that, angel? Source of drunkenness and all that.”

“Oh, I don’t know. It’s only troublesome when consumed in excess.” Aziraphale tilted his head, trying his best to appear as if conflicted. Important to keep up the pretense, rather than to admit he’d quite happily do anything if it meant spending more time with Crawley. “It’s not strictly forbidden for angels to drink…”

“There you are, then.” Crawley gave a tempting little side to side sway. Aziraphale strongly suspected that the tempting was as much an act as his own reticence. They might have rather more in common than he’d initially assumed. “Let’s go. I know a little tavern that serves terrific cocktails, has good wine, and loads of different things to nibble.”

“Well, I suppose I can hardly resist an offer like that.” Aziraphale rose, and found that he was suddenly rather tired. Crawley too, moved slowly. Perhaps they were both a bit worn down by all that had happened. It would be nice to get away from here.

“Are you leaving, Bildad?”

Crawley jumped at the sudden call, and Aziraphale touched his arm lightly in reassurance before turning towards the girl. “Ah, Jemimah! Lovely to see you, my dear. Yes, Bildad and I are both off to… to…”

“Turn more people into animals?” Jemimah asked eagerly, looking at Crawley with wide eyes. “Can you do me again?”

A little smile tugged at Crawley’s lips. “Sorry, all out of time for changing people into animals today. My friend and I are on our way to cause chaos elsewhere.”

“You’re causing chaos,” Aziraphale corrected. “I’m merely… um…”

Friend. My friend and I.

Crawley considered him a friend? The thought of having a friend was so shocking that it left Aziraphale utterly speechless.

Crawley lifted an eyebrow. When Aziraphale just kept gaping at him, he turned back to Jemimah. “Right, so. See you around, kid. Keep making cool pots.”

He tried to step around her, and she blocked him. “You have to hug me,” she declared with a bright smile. “Both of you. Hugs are really important to keep everyone happy.”

“Oh, are they?” Aziraphale asked faintly. Perhaps that was what was wrong with him so often. He’d never been hugged before.

“Yep! Group hug!” She held her arms out.

Crawley took a step back. “No. Nonono. Demons don’t do hugs.”

“They’re important for happiness,” Aziraphale said, giving a little pout. An almost tempting pout, really. “And you wouldn’t want to disappoint the child, would you? Or me?”

Irritation tugged at the lines of Crawley’s face, and he hissed. But nevertheless, he stepped closer again. “Okay. Fine. Just make it quick.”

“Yay!” Jemimah threw her arms around both of them, hugging them close. Aziraphale instinctively curled an arm around her, then gave Crawley an inquisitive look.

Crawley still looked as if about to flee. But he gulped and reached out, briefly touching both Aziraphale and the child. Aziraphale put an arm around him too, and beamed.

“Right.” Letting go after a mere few seconds, Crawley wriggled out of the hug. “Let’s go. Come on, angel.”

“That was lovely, dear. Thank you.” Aziraphale smiled at Jemimah, and she giggled. “Bye, now.”

“Bye!” She waved to them both, and took off.

Aziraphale gave Crawley a sly look, enjoying the consternation on his face. “So. It seems demons do hug.”

“Oh, shut up.” Crawley set off, and Aziraphale fell in step beside him. “Just for that, I really am gonna get you drunk tonight.”

“You’ll have to do much better than that to tempt me, you old serpent.”

But not much more, really. Being tempted was really quite fun, and Aziraphale thought he might be able to get rather used to it. And perhaps, he could even get used to having a friend.

[qqueenofhades]

would you ever write a modern/no-powers au for dreamling/sandman?

"Look, Mee," Hob says, for the fourth or fifth time that conversation. "I'm sure your brother is, uh, great, but I'm not sure -- "

"Come on," his best friend says, also for the fourth or fifth time that conversation. "Honestly, you'd be doing me a massive favor. I can barely get him out of the house most days, so I figured that at least the two of you could faff off and be really pathetic together?"

"Thanks." Hob switches the phone to his other ear and glares suspiciously out at the garden; when you've got two small children and it's quiet, you figure something's gone terribly amiss. Robyn and Alison haven't burnt the place down or gotten run over in traffic, but they're playing with something small, muddy and possibly still alive, and Hob debates whether he has to sprint out and save them from certain death. "You're a great friend, truly."

"I know," Morticia says airily. That does, bewilderingly, seem to be her actual name (were her parents massive Addams Family fans or something?) but with Hob and the rest of her friends, she generally goes by Mors, or Mee for short. He looked it up once. Ancient Roman god(dess) of death, which made him laugh, at least when it didn't kick him in the teeth. "You can thank me later."

"And I want to spend time with your brother... why?"

"Because." Oh God, here it comes. He can hear her trying not to say it, the same way everyone's tried not to say it in the going-on-eighteen months since his wife went into an ordinary central-London NHS hospital to give birth to their second child and didn't come back out. "You know it would be good for you, Robbie."

"Right." Hob's voice turns wry. "Can't have me wallowing alone in my misery? You know I've got the kids to look after, and they're talking about extending my contract at Birkbeck. I'm keeping busy."

Keeping busy. It always sounds stupid, even if it's the truth. Like you can chase overwhelming, soul-crushing grief away just by getting out of bed and making breakfast for the kids, holding Robyn's hand as you trundle off on the school run and tell him to have a good day, the thousand and one ways you think you're massively arsing this up and Ellie would have been so much better. Every time the doorbell rings or someone comes up the walk, he thinks -- for a stupid moment he thinks -- and then of course it isn't. You think about women dying in childbirth like it's something out of medieval times, or some third-world country. Not in England in the twenty-first century. Not in London. Not as if your daughter is beautiful and bright and alive, and every time you look at her, you remember that her mother isn't, and the happiness you feel is poisoned by grief again, cold and blue and endless as the ocean. You laugh with the kids at some Disney cartoon one moment, and the next, you're crying alone in the kitchen, in bed, in the silent darkness. And no matter how much you ask, she doesn't answer. You think she does, sometimes. You're just fooling yourself.

You know, Hob thinks. Maybe it would be good for him. At least it would let him spend time with (if Mee's account is anything to go by) the one man in all of London more pathetic than him. It doesn't have to be anything more than that. Even if she is trying to set him up, she wouldn't admit it. She isn't, surely? Trying to match her brother off with her best friend, widowed-single-dad-part-time-lecturer who's clinging onto sanity by the bare edge of his fingernails? Right? Fuck. Should never have told her that he's bi. Doubled her meddling possibilities at a stroke. And yet. He's so lonely, he almost doesn't care.

"Fine," Hob says resignedly. "I'll see if I can get a sitter for the kids. And it better not be that grotty brewery in Shepherd's Bush you dragged me to last time."

"No." Mee sounds like she's laughing at him. She probably is laughing at him, or else she thinks he's become such a pathologically undatable freak that his only chance for happiness ever again is with her equally pathetic little brother. "Nice new Asian-fusion place. Hammersmith. Fifteen minutes from you on the Tube. Don't chicken out, Robert."

And with that, well --

There's pretty much no choice.

Hob finds a sitter for the kids, promises to pay her twenty quid an hour (it's London, after all), and grumblingly picks out some clothes. He's not good at this. It's been almost ten years since he was dating anyone, and Eleanor was from a rich enough family that there was no chance of ever impressing her parents; he could have turned up in anything from Savile Row to a bloody dishcloth and they still would have hated him. Then he finds himself fucking around to the point where he's going to be late, the Tube will be a nightmare anyway, and panics again and rushes out the door with barely a word about what to feed the kids and when to put them to bed. Is nice Olivia from down the street judging him? She almost surely is.

Hob grimly toddles off to Hammersmith, exits into a light rain, and spends an inordinate amount of time searching for the restaurant. When he finally steps inside, he's not quite sure who he's looking for. Mee texted him a picture of her brother, but Hob has trouble believing that such a pale, pasty, and terminally uncharismatic twink could ever be related to her. One of them has to be adopted, and he's laying money on this one, whose name is -- no, seriously -- Morpheus. Morticia and Morpheus. What is wrong with their parents? Determined to doom their children to an eternity of primary-school torment?

Hob contemplates turning around and leaving, but now he's come this far, Olivia will definitely judge him if he returns within the hour, and frankly, he's judging himself. Even worse, he's fairly sure he's just spotted his man. Morpheus (come on, really?) is sitting by himself at a corner table, looking appropriately dark and broody, in his emo-goth dark coat and toilet-brush hair. Just like the photo. He's admittedly not bad-looking in person; he's got a pale, chiseled beauty that is briefly arresting, almost unearthly. Still, though. Definitely a wanker.

"Hello," Hob says, deciding to bite the bullet. He strides over, hand outstretched. "I'm Robert Gadling, and I think you're the bloke I'm supposed to be meeting? I know your sister."

Morpheus's mouth makes a small lemon-sucking motion. He rises to his feet, regards Hob's hand as if not certain what to do with it and/or wondering if he can get away with not touching it, and finally shakes it, brief and cold and dry. "I am," he says curtly. "You may sit."

Well, good. Glad they got His Majesty's permission. No unauthorized sitting happening here, no sir. Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Hob puts his bag on the floor and slides into the chair across from Morpheus. Like every Londoner at a loss for a better opening line, he reaches for the weather. "Shame about this piss, isn't it? And it was all the way up to twenty degrees last week. Did you have to come far?"

"No," Morpheus says, still not displaying any particular delight in being forced to spend this evening in the presence of another human being and looking as if he is very much hoping the floor will suddenly open up and swallow him. "Not far."

Hob waits, in vain, on the chance that Morpheus might elaborate. He does not. Well. This is going swimmingly. Are they on a date? Did Mee tell him that they were on a date? Is Hob sure this isn't an extremely elaborate prank, and she just plucked one of her single friends from the vast and bewildering mystery of her acquaintances? Truly, it is no wonder that Morpheus is, in fact, unattached. He's got the personality of a soggy rag and the face of -- well, not that. He is pretty. But Hob is not that shallow. Thanks very much.

Conversation suffers badly until they order drinks and food; or rather Hob orders, and Morpheus says that he'll take just a glass of wine. He does loosen up slightly as they talk; Hob does most of that, but Morpheus listens with cool, intent attention. From time to time he asks a question, but he doesn't interrupt, and finally Hob, trying to make it as light-hearted as "my wife died eighteen months ago and this is the first not-date I've been on ever since" can possibly be, admits it. He braces for Morpheus to get up, to run, to fire off an indignant text to Morticia or anything else, but he doesn't. He just nods once. "I'm sorry," he says quietly. "I know that it is... difficult."

All of a sudden, Hob is forced to consider the startling and unsettling possibility that Morpheus himself knows something about this. He can't say why or how that might be, but life is full of mysteries. "I -- yeah." It's an abject relief to say it and to have someone acknowledge it simply and matter-of-factly, not smother him with sympathy or cluck about how hard it is. "So if I'm off my game, that, uh. That's why."

Morpheus thinks about that for a long moment. Then all at once, out of nowhere, he smiles. It completely transforms his face, it twists like a fishhook in Hob's gut, and all of a sudden, he wonders in alarm if he is, in fact, entirely that shallow after all. "Believe me, Hob Gadling," Morpheus says. "It has very much been my pleasure."