#and the idea of this older gay dude being insecure about their relationship and not wanting his heart to be broken

[tedious-waffle]

.

[mixelation]

Just thought of smth. How do you headcannon the lgbt situation in Mutagenicity? Because I'm imagining Deidara and Itachi getting into one of their usual fights and Tori yelling "Would you two just kiss already?!" which then prompts the following reactions

Itachi who's been raised as a good little breeding stud for the Uchiha and Konoha as a whole "Don't be ridiculous Tori, two people of the same gender cannot be in a romantic partnership. How would we secure future generations of shinobi?"

Deidara who's a result of one of those breeding programs and is done with the whole thing "Ugh, with that asshole? Please I like to think i have some taste."

And Kushina who's been suppressing her desire to make out with Itachi's mom since grade school because of her own insecurities about being the last of a clan "Now now boys, it's perfectly natural to want to wrestle your friends into the dirt and have your way with them, but you have to stop it when you get older so you can make lots of cute babies, dattebane!"

Ha!

Personally my preference for Naruto fics is that people are largely cool with same gender relationships. That being said, sexism definitely exists in ninjaland, so certainly there's going to be some expectations about how romantic/sexual relationship "should" work. In Mutagenicity specifically, Itachi has been brought up with the idea that he needs to eventually marry someone with a working womb and produce a child.

However, I've been thinking about this more like... It's normal for ninja off stuck at war to have relationships with each other, and ninja skew male, so gay sex (especially among men) is pretty normalized. Then you get home from war and actually the dude you've been hooking up with is also your best friend who's saved your life twice, and you move in together and hold hands in public sometimes and no one will bat an eye. Gay dating maybe gets an eyebrow raise but for rando ninja, no one really cares. People only start having Opinions on your relationships if 1) you have a bloodline limit, or 2) you have specific clan duties related to having a biological child (so, you have a bloodline limit or some other heritable traits valuable to your clan, OR you have some sort of responsibility to make an heir). For Itachi, he both has a ""strong"" sharingan his clan wants him to pass on, AND he's supposed to make himself an heir.

People like Sasuke and Shisui, who are NOT heirs but are important Uchiha also with "strong" sharingan, probably have some expectations/social pressure from both the clan and society at large to make sharingan babies, but they could probably settle down with a man without causing a huge fallout. At some point Deidara will probably start getting weird comments about if his children will inherit things, but he doesn't have his own clan to pressure him and I can't see Minato's administration actively pushing him. Kushina almost definitely felt like she needed her own child to continue the Uzumaki, which is why she went for a super risky pregnancy over adoption, but also I think she and Minato also just.... really wanted a kid and their own little family, regardless. Like they make sure Naruto gets her clan name and not Minato's to continue that, but neither of them are upset Naruto didn't inherit the Uzuamki bloodline limit. Naruto is there because they love each other and just want a kid. If Kushina had fallen in love with a woman instead and wanted to marry her, I think she would have just gone "whatever, I'm marrying who I want because I do what I want, and I'll figure out getting a sperm donor later."

So, for Mutagenicity, it would be semi-fine if Itachi were gay and had a side piece who's his "real" romantic partner; he just needs the official wife and heir for political/pass-on-the-sharingan reasons. If he really wanted to, he could probably pull a "well, I'm clan head, and I say I want a husband," and then everyone would be mad for decades and the clan would insist he make a baby via surrogate (this is the Homemade Dynamite route, BTW, except all the clan elders are dead and Mikoto supports Itachi marrying Deidara because who else could possibly handle her freak son). However, Mutagenicity!Itachi isn't gay; he's asexual. He's shit out of luck. His lung condition does mean the clan is like "uuuuh well maybe it's time to bring in some outside genes--" so if he tricks the one woman he knows who's his age and can also stand hanging out with him into dating him, everyone will leave him alone--

Anyway, I think everyone on Team 4 knows same gender relationships are an option. I do think Itachi is very bad at recognizing he can have what he wants, so he might not consider it's an option for him specifically.... but Mutagenicity!Itachi specifically isn't super into men, because he's not really into anyone.*

*I think I do have meta somewhere where Itachi's like "why can't I just marry Shisui :(" and this thought isn't because Itachi is attracted to Shisui, it's because Shisui is someone Itachi cares about deeply, gets along with, and therefore he can see himself enjoying living with for the rest of his life. If Shisui fulfilled the requirement of "can give birth," Itachi would marry him in a second.

[sharpth1ng]

Okay random thought but if Billy and Tatum were okay with the idea of fucking Stu at the same time do you think they would? I bet Stuart thinks about it a lot(especially Tatum pegging and giving Billy head— sorry for being a freak)

UUh sorry let me just wipe the drool off my face, I'm normal. Everything is normal.

Stu definitely thinks about this a lot yeah, it's exactly what he's thinking about in chapter 8 when Billy and Tatum are ganging up on him for being "insensitive" about Maureen.

So like, Billy would never do this, even if I wasn't writing him gay I think any threesome would have to be with someone who hadn't already had a relationship with Stu, like it would have to be a stranger. I don't see Billy having fun if he's at all feeling insecure. Maybe when they're older and have been together longer.

But fuck it's a really hot idea.

If Billy was a more secure and less antisocial and closed off I could see him teaming up with her against Stu. I think Billy already finds it entertaining when she puts Stu in his place, and I think he'd enjoy seeing Stu overwhelmed in that way, getting used by both of them. Weirdly think this would be like one of those straight mmf threesomes where the two men don't have sex with each other and just both fuck the girl but in this case its Billy and Tatum not having sex with each other and just fucking Stu. At most anything they do together would be to mess with Stu, equivalent to two straight girls making out to excite a dude.

so yeah, tl;dr I think it's pretty ooc with the way I see the characters but god damn its a hot idea

[victimized-martyr]

i dunno if i’m doing this right… but for the kyman ask thingy… 17, 25, 31?

17. headcanons, just give us some headcanons. anything.

edit: This is super specific and I’m very picky on this but— Kyle is straight. Terminally. Irreparably. He is attracted to Girls and Girls only on all levels. but, because South Park loves to torture Kyle, his first and only stable, most consistent relationship is with a DUDE and that DUDE IS CARTMAN. Kyle has no idea how it even came to be. He doesn’t understand and Kyle is such a logical person and is at risk of driving himself insane any time he tries to wrap his head around this notion. He’ll ask Stan and Kenny what it feels like to be in Love and to know the indications he should pursue a relationship on the rare opportunity he gets to go on a date with a girl, and while on the date with said girl he keeps their advice in mind and, yeah, sometimes he’ll come across a girl that ticks all those boxes but for some reason it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. Oddly, he ends up recognizing his desires and sensations not in his dates, but in cartman. and that’s when he knows he’s fucked up. He’s comparing all his heteromantic dates to THE Eric Cartman Hjfkgkkffj

Kyle is the only dude in the show that’s never had a gf for long and w/ anything I write/draw I wanna maintain that. Kyle gets no Bitches. He gets Cartman tho. So, just deal w/ it Kyle, m’kay?

Kyle and Cartman fight irl but are always texting each other across platforms. Cartman is a heavy emoji user, Kyle is more conservative with them. They correct each other’s grammar to piss each other off.

Kyle’s got big brother instincts so as they get older, he expresses a willingness to help Cartman when he’s hurt (even when…. Kyle was the one to deal the blow. But whatever) He buys Cartman’s favorite bandages and has them on hand at all times.

Kyle loves pinching Cartman’s cheeks. They’re his favorite stress toy (aside from Cartman’s man bewbs. but that’s for when they’re older), and the squeals he makes in protest are criminally adorable.

This is from one of my previous tags, but Kyle desperately needs hobbies outside of like, the three things he’s always done. so Cartman and Stan drag him to musicals to expose him to “Culture”. Kyle complains that “musicals are overly sentimental and gay”. Stan drops any further attempts, but Cartman is a persistent if not an infectious guy, so it’s bc of him mostly that musicals grow on Kyle over time. Getting Kyle to appreciate musicals is one of Cartman’s finest achievements. (Kyle’s very fond of The Producers)

Kyle, by complete accident, comes across multiple playlists Cartman has made of Kyle. Playlists for when they’re in a rut and Cartman needs to vent, a playlist for their casual cooking sessions, a playlist that’s about him in general. Kyle feels guilty for invading Cartman’s privacy like that, and never brings it up. But Kyle thinks of it often in private and, god, does he feel loved.

Kyle’s a freak in the sheets yo, learning to match his pace was a sharp learning curve for Cartman. literally a matter of survival. that’s all i’m gonna say. actually jk let’s develop this further. bc i need to articulate this and i DONT see it anywhere else and i might be the only one with this opinion but whatever. TW south park shenanigans ahead:

Kyle grew up in a household where his parents had a healthy, loving sex life and Kyle was NOT afraid to get involved in their marital affairs, not cuz he was inappropriately exposed to it, he just… got involved out of self appointed duty to his family and his savior complex. (for example, his insistence in getting his dad a “ner-rection”because he saw how it was affecting his parent’s relationship, or Kyle sitting his parents down and lecturing them on infidelity in Insecurity ). He has a positive, if not pragmatic view of sex.

Cartman resides on the opposite end of this spectrum. He has a history of being assaulted by men and is humiliated by his mom’s whoredom. Despite growing up exposed to her sex, he’s unable to discern pleasure from pain. Canonically, he interprets Liane’s moans as cries of pain. Cartman views sex as something inherently degrading, as means of exerting power over others, his own sexual fantasies are of him being taken advantage of and coerced to submission like what the FUCK this man will NOT willingly dive into sex with Kyle when he realizes he caught feelings. Or even before he catches feelings. Damn, THAT especially. Rip to 90% of kyman fanfiction out there but I’m sorry, Cartman would not. This paper cutout mofo’s got trauma for days.

At the start, these two are NOT compatible in bed because this hurdle is probably the biggest cartman will ever have to face. Cartman is so, so lucky he has someone like Kyle to teach him and be patient with him and walk with him in healing from that damaged perception. Honestly?? I don’t see them getting shrekshual off the bat, I hc it takes time for them. But once they (slowly) get into it, it’s fireworks dude. It’s a huge asset to their relationship fr, emotionally and physically. (this is why i INSIST cartman’s a “bottom”. Bc with Kyle having better knowledge + practices, Cartman’s got no choice but to follow Kyle’s lead. and like?? relinquishing control and being loved in that manner makes cartman feel safe in ways he’s never experienced before?? it’s almost a religious experience for him)

25. favourite (canon) kyman moment

AAAA no don’t do this to me! I can’t choose! My fav changes from day to day!

Um, rn I’m in love with this scene in Faith Hilling:

ah just *chefs kiss* Cartman and Kyle in sync with their weird ass roast. AND, to top this all off, probably one of my favorite kyman interactions ever (it’s so small but it means so much to me), is Cartman leading Kyle away and is able to anticipate holding him back from unleashing his Kyle Wrath @ Stan and Kenny. It’s honestly the uncanny levels of intuition they have for each other that make such delicious moments like this. It’s hilarious. It’s drama over somethn dumb. It’s Kyman 🤌🏼

31. how do you think, in canon, kyle and cartman REALLY feel about each other?

🧍‍♂️ oh boy, umm

To put this in simplest terms, Cartman and Kyle care about each other more than they realize. Though, Yes, there is genuine hate.

Cartman drives himself crazy with jealousy over the things Kyle has that he doesn’t. He finds reasons to hate Kyle in order to feel better about himself and in order to feel powerful (and on a smaller level now, to get back at Kyle for when he didn’t know how to fight back in s1) Seeing someone as perfectionistic and annoyingly self-righteous as Kyle go all crazy and take the bait in his challenges is narcissistically cathartic.

On Kyle’s end, he goes crazy over how impervious to change Cartman is. Cartman seems to operate on nonexistent morals, he lives shamelessly, and Kyle simply cannot comprehend that. it bothers him and is why he fights Cartman on even the smallest things (though, as of the covid arc, Kyle’s growing weary of challenging Cartman in this manner sooooo) Kyle has always seen Cartman as a spoiled brat that is allergic to the words “no” and “don’t”, and feels it’s his responsibility to knock him down a peg.

And whether they like it or not, there is genuine love (broship love rn) because they’ve been through so much together, they’ve obsessed over each other their entire lives, they’ve rescued each other in secret out of fear of showing vulnerability, and DO hang as friends. So to summarize, like… in canon, they feel highly complicated things for each other. But those feelings have always been reciprocal and intense.

[jubberry]

oohkay let's go tua with those ship asks: fiveya, horrance and alluther.

thanks el i love you

Send me a ship and I'll answer three questions based on if I ship it or not.

fiveya obvs i ship this since this is 90% of my tua drawings lol

1. ill wait ill wait (to be the one) by georgiestauffenberg made me ship it cause holy fuck dude. I dont know if i ship them romantically when i saw them onscreen cause first of all, age difference is kinda weird lmao. Second, they dont rlly interact much outside literally the first couple of eps. But he was so soft for her, and i felt like they had so much unexplored history.

so i looked at fanfics cause i was wondering if ppl still ship it, then i liked the description of this one so i gave it a go.

Basically the premise is that vanya dates a much older man who seems to know a lot about her. And it was amazingly in character and just provided their characters some depth that u wouldnt find outside of a romantic relationship between them. (The implication of five pining while she doesnt know who he is, their missed chances when he time travelled, fives missed chances of living and having a 'normal' life bec of his own hubris, vanyas insecurity and being able to open up bec shes with someone whos known her since childhood). Its so sweet and thats how i was like, oh yep i can do so much more with these two, and what has kept me interested in drawing them etc.

2. My favourite things are the shippers cause i made some friends in the fandom who are super cool and supportive! I dont get super involved in fandoms and usually just watch from afar so finding people to talk to and muck around with in this tiny fandom is super cool 😭

Though thats not to say I havent come across some bad apples in this fandom and things that I dont like. I think thats the importance of carving out a place for yourself and ur friends in fandom tho.

Another thing I like about the ship itself, i just like the grumpy person whos soft for one person trope. Its so cute. I like all the little clues in canon on how their relationship as kids is quite warm, which is interesting cause five is basically the star student and he can be quite cold vs vanya who is the black sheep of the family.

I also like how five likes her powers even when she caused the apocalypse he spent the majority of his life in lol. Like its a popular hc that five is just a wife guy and i love that.

I see vanya as the type who has a lot of love to give, and she sometimes has unrealistic expectations of what her partner can give. Betrayal and lies really angers her, but also when her partner cannot meet her expectations of love she gets very upset bec its also an indication of how shes not good enough, or not loveable enough to be able to have this in the relationship (her insecurity means every failing always comes back to her, even if its out of her control).

I feel like five would be a level-headed person enough in the relationship to not be afraid to say 'vanya ur being stupid' (ie. the s2 confrontation lmao). Also, five's personality means she will never have to doubt his actions bec she knows hes the type who will not give u the moment of the day if hes not interested.

Not to mention they also have the whole apocalypse vs. saviour, hero/villain thing. Theres just a lot to explore!

3. I probably have several. But mostly I dont mind five being a dick to vanya bec first, even if the appeal is hes soft to her hes already kind of a dick in canon lmao. Also, vanya isnt a child. Shes grown and she can handle petty af things like five telling her shes not good at cooking lol. I also dont mind it cause I feel like people are getting too afraid to write... conflict for fear or portraying an abusive relationship or smth. Like, chill. Conflict is fine, resolving it is how u get a story. However in saying that, nobody should be obligated to write any way unless you want to! Fanfic is for comfort so if what your doing is making u happy then its good enough!

horrance which i also ship but i love the platonic and romantic relationship equally:

1. I came in tua in general not shipping anything so Im honestly not sure. I do remember someone doing a meta before s2 came out that was basically how ben acted weird when klaus summoned dave in s1 that made me go 👀 Otherwise, tua s2 rlly made me like them cause tua FED horrance shippers. Like..... the fact that klaus didnt want ben to leave him, and ben knows thats why he stayed 😢 or the fact that klaus was all over him for some reason???? Somebody also mentioned gay ben once and I resonate with that deeply. Like i get that jill exists but i resonate with gay ben deeply.

2. I love their bickering, theyre so cute together. I just like ben being angry bec hes self aware that hes got both shit and amazing taste. Shit bec he cant believes he likes Klaus (and also amazing also bec Klaus). I think the idea of them being kind of underdogs, theyre not rlly leader types and dont want to be, helps them bond together even in platonic horrance. They're both down to earth, and even tho they can annoy each other, they also know if they want a space to feel comfortable its with each other. Theyre not pressured by rivalry over leadership, or any sort of competition.

I love the idea that even tho ben is like klaus's ''conscience'', hes also down for chaos and bitchy. I feel like klaus rlly enabled that side of him, its not exactly a good thing but its p funny lol

3. I know some people think their dynamic is unhealthy but i dont care lol

alluther. So id say i dont ship this, mostly due to the fact that im not invested? Just like all tua ships so far I rlly came out not wanting anything but platonic relationships cause I feel tua doesnt do romance very well. With alluther, theyre so cute but im not super invested in either of their chars so they havent stuck for me. I appreciate seeing them and talking about them tho, and I'm def open to exploring them further.

1. I think tua canon romances are just so lackluster 😔 Idk who writes the romances but I was just like 'nice' but afterwards I dont really think about them. I love their dance scene and the message behind it! Otherwise, theyre sweet like most of the tua romances but im not super invested, same with all the non canon ships.

2. I really feel like tua needs to decide on what their relationship is. Like, just say its incest or not and stick with it 👀 Or if you wanna support it or not, just make up ur mind. I think I would've liked it better if I found the characters more interesting. Allison especially I feel like suffers from the fact that tua just doesn't want to make her ''mean''. They want to make her supportive and are less interested in making her flawed (ie. she should've had a conflict with Vanya in s2, but the writers didnt want to write the girls fighting which is stupid imo and not what that conflict is about).

In regards to Alluther, the scene where Allison gets annoyed at Luther for sleeping with someone else felt out of line. Like, how are you marrying other people and moving on but Luther isn't allowed to? But honestly, I don't mind if they actually just acknowledge it and make it a deliberate part of Allison's trait that Allison can expect a certain loyalty automatically from other people (which can tie in to her childhood being a star, and the rumour).

Luther is a big simp for Allison, which is sweet, but at the same time it would be nice to have him explore himself for a bit, and who he is outside of the academy. Then maybe they can rekindle their relationship again as new people and see where they go from there.

3. I don't hate them, but they're ok. I'm not super invested in them, just like all the tua canon romance. But I wouldn't mind making content for them if I were a bit more invested in their characters. I love their dance scene in s1 and I feel like its super a underrated portrayal of what their relationship is meant to be. I know no one talks about it but it's just such a great scene, and I'm pretty sure the choreographer was into interpretive dance? The scene had a lot of meaning that I don't see people dig around with.

Essentially I'm pretty sure the fairy lights are obviously a throwback to their childhood together, spending time outside of Reggie. So the dance scene kind of symbolized that pocket of space they made for each other in their life (even if theyre far away, or with other people, they will always have that space for each other).

The way they danced was more like playfighting than dancing, which means their relationship isn't sensual. It's more ''pure'', and romantic. Its basically two kids rekindling their love as adults. I also think this is a response to the incest, cause in s1 tua klaus literally said that 'thank god Regg is not their real father' right before Allison and Luther meet lmao. So its kinda like saying Allison x Luther isnt supposed to be 'ohh step sibling hot' but two people who experienced the same trauma as kids and finding comfort with each other (and rekindling that love after many years).

[pinktatertots99]

Hmm Margi, Abalone, and Beetle Wings for all questions from that one ask thingy. Ramble my dude!!!

LJKSFLKFLK AWWWWWWW TYSM LOVE!!!! we’ll be doing mostly human aus for this one.

GIVE ME THE NAME OF ONE OF MY OCS IN MY ASKBOX AND I’LL ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY

Marginatus:

01. Full name: marginatus apara furaha. (both parents last names)

02. Best friend: bullina.

03. Sexuality: PAN big time.

04. Favorite color: ocean colored blues.

05. Relationship status: lovin relationship with their bortz-y~.

06. Ideal mate: strong, blunt, pretty hair, piercingly beautiful eyes, and a switch, also sweet with a caring side.

07. Turn-ons: tentacle kink big time along with frilly lingerie, roleplays of any kind (mostly the nurse and maid type), and whips.

08. Favorite food: steak, broccoli rice, and fish soup.

09. Crushes: bortz is obvious but they’ve had some on neptunite.

10. Favorite music: diveo songs like we’re beautiful, hoverboard, ferris wheel, and other types of songs like those.

11. Biggest fear: losing his loved ones. or going blind.

12. Biggest fantasy: living in the ocean, or just on a beach in general with their family.

13. Bad habits: has a thing for twirling their hair and pulling at it, it’s one of their not good stims their trying to keep in check on.

14. Biggest regret: never really figuring out why no one from where they lived at in child hood never liked them a whole lot.

15. Best kept secrets: they binge on sweets ehehehe.

16. Last thought: the ocean floor with jellyfish and their pretty family close with em.

17. Worst romantic experience: had some childhood crushes that well, ended not nicely with alot of their crushes either blowing em off or being weirded out with how blunt they were on liking em.

18. Biggest insecurity: their eyesight mostly, otherwise margi doesn’t got a whole lot of insecurity.

19. Weapon of choice: a whip...NOT the sexual kind the long kind that can do damage.

20. Role Model: aculeatus, ventricosus, and their bortz-y~.

Abalone:

01. Full name: abalone cáscara

02. Best friend: bullina platonic friends wise.

03. Sexuality: gay.

04. Favorite color: gold.

05. Relationship status: in a relationship and later married to shell.

06. Ideal mate: ljksfljksd honestly they didn’t even have an idea on that till shell came into the picture so someone whose boisterous, has a soft spot and loves aquatic animals would be their ideal.

07. Turn-ons: being squeezed on the thighs, thighs in general actually.

08. Favorite food: zucchini, cucumbers, salad lettuce, and tamales.

09. Crushes: shell’s been the only one ljkdsfljks.

10. Favorite music: similar low pop soundin songs that beetle wing’s listens to like cliche, feelings are fatal, falling for you and such like them.

11. Biggest fear: originally it was being forced and chained basically to their family business, later it’s being alone or leaving shell.

12. Biggest fantasy: mostly to just live on a beach with shell.

13. Bad habits: has the feeling they should take the blame for anything that goes wrong, even if it’s something they couldnt’ve changed or corrected.

14. Biggest regret: thinking that shell was a burden all their life.

15. Best kept secrets: their past feelings for shell, but besides that their good at keeping the secret that their golden accessories are actually gold.

16. Last thought: would be the waves of the beach and shell’s pretty hair.

17. Worst romantic experience: shell’s been the only one so far, worst bout that would just be aba’s past feelings.

18. Biggest insecurity: a bit of their body actually, something bout it has them feel weird alot of the time and their trying to get past that with wearing skirts and fancy shirts.

19. Weapon of choice: a mace honestly.

20. Role Model: they honestly don’t have many besides alot of animal planet celebs like jack galaxy or Steve Irwin for examples.

Beetle wings:

01. Full name: Pīk mǔdān. later changed to Pīk cáscara

02. Best friend: turquoise and ticite, their their only friends though so it’s hard for em to choose.

03. Sexuality: questioning still. they haven’t really thought of anyone or who they like. later on they find out their ace.

04. Favorite color: aqua colors mostly, turquoise’s, and such like that.

05. Relationship status: single.

06. Ideal mate: someone quiet, but would also help them get out of their shell from the damage Hébāo (lambrocapnos) left on em. nice, sweet, and good with cuddles.

07. Turn-ons: when their older, honestly i can’t really see them having any turn-ons.

08. Favorite food: Khao khai chiao (omelette on rice), Khao mu krop, deep fried chicken and pork (both thailand and american), and burgers.

09. Crushes: had one on turquoise but kinda got accidentally turned down when they started dating fest. soon tho they crush on ticite though.

10. Favorite music: alot of low pop, things like airplane mode or summer trees, others they like covers of kinda depressing songs like self inflicted achromatic and such others like that.

11. Biggest fear: honestly just bout making anyone mad outta fear of getting beaten or abandoned, both things that’re thanks to Hébāo.

12. Biggest fantasy: sitting on something soft like a cloud and listening to their ipod honestly.

13. Bad habits: gotta thing for always degrading themself for things they’ve done that’re either minor or not even things they should worry bout or degrade themself for. also has a habbit of apologizing for things they didn’t do (like apologizing for someone bumping into a door that they didn’t cause for example) or did on accident.

14. Biggest regret: not being there for red diamond, who was their adopted parent before Hébāo before disappearing and being found dead later, thinking they should’ve gone with em and regretting it.

15. Best kept secrets: besides the bruises probably the fact they keep others secrets alot.

16. Last thought: would be bout clouds if we mean beetle’s thought, that and beetles in clouds.

17. Worst romantic experience: honestly ticite’s the only one they’ve had and so far hasn’t been too bad. unless ya wanna count turquoise in this but they kinda did it unintentionally. i guess worst is the fact they get crushes but didn’t say anything on their first crush on turque.

18. Biggest insecurity: just bout everything about themself due to constantly getting paraded by Hébāo for adopting a thailand kid. otherwise insecurity wise would be their interests since they’ve had no one to talk bout em to.

19. Weapon of choice: knife honestly. either that or pillow.

20. Role Model: red diamond, shell, adamant, and phos.

[ravenhilarious]

Harry Potter character personal headcanons - Golden & Silver Trio

Harry

Race: White mother, Asian father (common headcanon is that he’s Indian, and really, I like that headcanon) Sexuality: Bi bi bi bi bi (and that’s pretty much canon, given his reaction to meeting Bill and Charlie, as well as the amount of detail he keeps describing Sirius’ hair and Cedric’s face, and of course we know how much he fancied Cho and Ginny) Ship(s): There’s Ginny, of course. They’re pretty much soulmates.  I also like him with Luna, since they understand each other in a way many people don’t.  I also like the idea of them in a poly relationship, where they all love each other equally. In an AU where Ginny and Luna are married and not into polyamory, I’d probably ship him with Neville, but I don’t think Neville is into guys, so... Nope ship(s): Draco, Snape, Voldemort... you name it. I’ve also seen fanart for Harry and Hagrid... and McGonagall... and even Buckbeak. Yeah, ma boi deserves way better than that... Platonic ship(s): Ron and Hermione. He’s like a brother to both of them, but they’re definitely not siblings to each other...  And Ginny, Luna and Neville will all be his platonic soulmates if they aren’t dating. Oh, and I love the relationship he has with Fred and George. He’s basically their adopted lil bro, and that’s really cute. Disability/ies: It’s basically canon that he has depression and PTSD in the fifth book, and I don’t think any of that completely disappears like, ever. In order to reach the “all was well” ending, he must have gone to some kind of therapy, and I hope he did so after the war. I don’t know whether his “saving people thing” is an actual mental illness, but I’ve read on tumblr that it often appears in abuse/neglect victims.

Ron

Race: White as a toilet paper roll Sexuality: Straight, but bi-curious. He had a huge obsession with Viktor Krum, and he did wonder for awhile whether that was “a gay crush”. Eventually, he figured out that it was “just” an idolization. Big ally tho. Ship(s): Hermione! They were like made for each other, and I have a really hard time imagining them with anyone else, and I can’t see any of them being into polyamory either. That being said, I could definitely see him with Luna, if I have to pick someone else. They both saw potential in each other that no one else really saw, and I think they’d definitely entertain each other. But I think he needs someone mature and serious, like Hermione; they balance each other out more. Nope ship(s): Like with Harry, anyone who was mean to him. Draco, Voldemort... and any of the Weasleys! I’ve also seen him paired up with McGonagall and Dumbledore, and that was... strange, to put it mildly. Platonic ship(s): Harry. Definitely Harry. And Luna (if he doesn’t date her). Neville, too (I wish we had seen more of their friendship in canon, especially in the movies, where Ron was often a bit condescending to Neville, which he really wasn’t in the books... oh well, I’m going off topic) Disability/ies: Canonically arachnophobia. I also think he has some kind of anxiety or depression, a bit milder that Harry’s obvious trauma, but he is SO insecure during the series that he can’t be classified as neurotypical.

Hermione

Race: Black father, white mother (that white mother is Jewish, btw. You can’t have a Nazi-coded villain without making at least some Jewish characters, especially if said characters are part of in-universely oppressed groups) Sexuality: Token Straight Girl™. I like to picture her as demisexual/demiromantic, but judging by the instant crush she had on Lockhart, that seems pretty unlikely. Definitely an ally, tho. Ship(s): Ron, Ron, Ron Weasley. Like I mentioned above, I just can’t picture them with other people. But if I have to, I could see her with Neville. They were very close friends, and if she never befriended Ron, I could definitely see them growing to love each other. However, in canon, they seem more like brother/sister-ish. Nope Ship(s): So, so many. Like Harry; Snape, Voldy and Draco are no-go. But Bellatrix, Pansy Parkinson and (for some very weird reason) Greyback (yes, I’ve seen it...) are all wrong in their own ways. Platonic ship(s): Harry and Neville. Sort of McGonagall too, in a way. Disability/ies: Ocd, social anxiety of some kind. Could be on the autism spectrum as well. Screw that, I’m autistic and I like her, so therefore, she is autistic too.

Neville

Race: I think he’s white. Pretty sure he’s described as pink-faced and blue-eyed at some point (but if people wanna headcanon him as poc, then let them) Sexuality: Asexual. As I mentioned above, I don’t think he’s into guys, so a heteroromantic ace? Also, I don’t think he is comepletely cis, either. But whether he’s a binary trans dude, intersex, non-binary... I could see it all. Ship(s): While we never really saw their romance in the book, I think he and Hannah Abbot would be really cute together. There’d be lots of fluff. Probably gonna write some fanfic of their relationship someday. In an AU where Hermione didn’t date Ron, I could see Neville/Hermione, for aforementioned reasons. Nope ship(s): Fortunately, I have yet to see ma smol bean Nevy in problematic ships (a bit weird, considering he’s played by Mathew Lewis, whom lots of straight girls find hot – I’m surprised I haven’t seen fanart of him with Draco, Bellatrix etc.) I hope I’ll never do! But yeah, Draco and Bellatrix are definitely nopes. Platonic ship(s): All of the Core Six™ characters. Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny and Luna... he has a great relationship with all of them in canon. Disability/ies: Probably some kind of anxiety. 

Ginny

Race: Just like Ron, super duper white. Sexuality: She gives me a queer vibe. It’s common to headcanon her as bi, and well, so do I. Ship(s): Harry, of course.  And Luna. Luna as the soft flower gal, Ginny as the smol energy bomb, both wanting to protecc each other... I love it! Like I mentioned above, I mostly ship them in a polyamorous relationship. If we say that Harry and Luna were together and not into polyamory, I would ship her with an oc; a butch lesbian quidditch player she met while playing professional Quidditch. (I do think she dated that “oc” for awhile before marrying Harry, but idk) Nope ship(s): First of all, Voldemort. That ship is creepy af, okay?  And any of her siblings is no-no, too.  Platonic ship(s): If she didn’t date Harry or Luna, then they’d both be platonic soulmates for her. I like her protectiveness of Neville, too. And I love her friendship with Tonks! I know we didn’t really see them interact in canon, but I’d love to see her befriend Colin Creevey.  Disability/ies: None that I can think of... she could have some mild ADHD, but I don’t know enough details about ADHD to argue for my case.

Luna

Race: Pretty sure she’s white. However, I’ve seen some gorgeous fanart of a Latina!Luna. Sexuality: Pan pan pan. Falls in love very easily, but respects it when people don’t like her back. I once read a post about her being a trans girl, and honestly? I could see it. I especially like the idea of a very tall and lean Luna Lovegood, but extremely soft and girly fairy princess on the inside. Ship(s): She did marry some dude called Rolf in canon and had kids with him. However, I don’t know enough about him to ship them, tho he’s probably pretty cool. But I do think they broke up at some point, but remained friends. I also ship her with Harry and Ginny, like I mentioned above. And Ron, if he didn’t date Hermione, also like mentioned above. Nope ship(s): Any ships where she has to be some Manic Pixie Dream Girl to some evil guy, especially if he’s much older than her. She deserves so much better than that! Platonic ship(s): Harry and Ginny, if she doesn’t date any of them. Ron and Neville. In an AU, I like the idea of her befriending Snape, as long as he isn’t mean to her or anything (and she has to call him out for the way he treats Neville, too, bc I don’t think she’d be okay with that) but if they start dating, then I quit Disability/ies: Autistic af. I’m Autistic, I identify with Luna, therefore, Luna is Autistic. No, but seriously; the way she speaks directly about her thoughts and feelings, doesn’t mind being alone (even enjoys it sometimes) and seems very passionate whenever she does something are very clear signs.

[likeshipsonthesea]

It’s Not Gay

Here’s the third in the bi trifecta, Holster! Warning for homophobia and homophobic language. Also slightly NSFW but only for a second.

“It’s not gay,” Quad said, pressing Holster back into the sheets. He was smaller than Holster-- most people were-- and he could’ve easily pushed Quad off him, but Holster liked the weight of Quad’s muscled body over his. “All the guys do it,” Quad said, going for Holster’s shirt, pushing it up his stomach. Holster shivered as Quad’s hand brushed his abs. “It’s just a way to blow off steam,” Quad said, and Holster felt how hard he was against his hip.

“So... it’s okay?” Holster had been around high school aged boys enough to know that gay was synonymous with uncool, annoying, wrong. He’d only been with the Hawks for a month and a half, and though he didn’t exactly get all of the intricacies and hierarchies of the team, he knew that the connotations that went with the word “gay” were familiar enough.

“Yeah,” Quad said, as he fumbled with his own pants. He was two years older than Holster and knew more about the world. So Holster believed him when he said, “As long as we don’t kiss, it’s fine.”

So that was the rule.

A lot of the time, Holster roomed with Quad, as d-partners were more likely to get along in the manager’s mind. They didn’t mess around every time, but they did more often than not. Holster didn’t bring it up to any of the other guys-- “Don’t talk about it, that’s just weird,” was another piece of wisdom imparted to him by Quad-- and none of the other guys he roomed with suggested it. Holster assumed that they had their own buddies to mess around with.

Not that it was exclusive. No, Holster learned that one night after a hard game when he’d stopped by Quad’s single room to see if he was up for “letting off some steam” only to find one of the second-line forwards already there. Holster went back to his room with a hollow spot in his chest that he filled with reiterations that it wasn’t a relationship, they weren’t together, it wasn’t love.

Still, Holster found himself fascinated with kissing. During the rare times they had a chance to party, he would always talk up a girl until she giggled sweetly into his mouth. He liked it, liked kissing girls, a lot. Their lipgloss always tasted nice and their hips fit in his hands so soft and curvy and the way he had to tilt his head down towards them, them lifting their faces to his, felt like solid footing, equal ground, something more than muffled moans into borrowed pillowcases.

Sometimes he hooked up with them. He was still young, insecure, but the older guys would guffaw and toss him a little metallic packet and he’d bluster with it but tuck it away in his pocket and swear to himself he’d use it. It got empty after a while, though, sleeping with girls when they were on the road, getting their numbers but never really talking to them after the bus had left.

When the season ended and he went back to Buffalo, he spent most of his days at the movies or the library, catching up on the media he’d missed during the season. At the library one day he met a girl with a tinkle of a laugh and the dirtiest mouth he’d ever heard and he asked her out for a movie, and things progressed from there. Stephanie was bold, loud, and beat Holster in burping contests without even trying. She was perfect.

Well, almost. “I can’t believe you like those girl movies,” she’d say, whenever Holster was in a rom-com mood. When Holster cried, at a book or a film or a really pretty flower he saw on the side of the road, she told him, “Stop being such a wimp.” One day when she was doing her nails, he teased her to do his too and she frowned deeply at him. “Don’t be gay, Adam.” 

The word wrinkled. He wasn’t gay but.

(He didn’t like to finish that sentence. Quad said messing around wasn’t gay as long as they didn’t kiss, but sometimes Holster would stare up at his lips and wonder how different it would feel to kissing a girl, how similar it might feel, too. He wanted to know so much that he daydreamed about it sometimes, drifting off during practice and conversations, wanting it to the point of aching. That broke the rule, right? Wanting to kiss a guy was gay, right? 

So Holster didn’t finish the sentence, because he was terrified that it ended with but I’m something.)

Still, Stephanie was great. When Holster went back to Waterloo for training camp, he cried as he said goodbye to her. She rolled her eyes and kissed his cheek and said, “We can pick it up when you come back, if we’re both still single.” He liked her, but he didn’t think they’d get back together. She was a person to him and he enjoyed her company, but the biggest thing he got from their relationship was the assurance that he wasn’t gay, which, at the time, meant everything.

Things were different when Holster got back to Waterloo. Quad had transferred over the summer to another team. Holster’s new d-man was a quiet guy named Sean with dark eyes and a wide smile. He didn’t propose any kind of similar arrangement to what Holster’d had with Quad, but Holster liked him too much to risk asking about it. They hung out whenever they could, snuck into each other’s rooms to watch 30 Rock together, had all these crazy inside jokes.

By December, Holster realized that he liked Sean. Like, gay and shit.

When he went home for Hanukkah, he was mopey. Mom tried to ply him with food and Dad wouldn’t stop talking hockey stats and Esther and Sarah were only interested in him for as long as it took to give them their presents and then went back to whatever it was middle schoolers were interested in. Ruth, Holster’s twin, didn’t say anything, but when night fell and the house was quiet, she snuck into his room and sat at the foot of his bed. “What’s wrong?” she asked, her voice a whispered demand.

He sat up and sighed. “I think I like my d-man.”

He watched her frown at him through the hazy light of the moon. “Like, like-like?” He shot her a look and she held up her hands. “Okay, okay.” She dropped her hands and one curled around his ankle over the blankets. “So you’re... gay?”

“No, no. I.” He swallowed and stared at his hands. “Maybe? I don’t know.”

Ruth was quiet for a while. Then she said, “You know, if you were gay, it wouldn’t be, like, a bad thing.” Holster glanced up at her, frowning. She had that same look on her face she did before cutting her own hair when she was six, and that time they made brownies and ruined the kitchen when they were eight, and when she told off those guys in middle school who said Holster was a wussy ‘cause he cried at the “Ohana means family” scene in Lilo & Stitch. She said, “It’s not, really. I know people are dicks about it but it’s perfectly okay. Love isn’t bad.”

“But--”

“No buts, dickwad. I’m right and you can’t argue.” Ruth was frowning at him so hard that Holster couldn’t help but laugh. It bubbled out of his chest like relief and Ruth had never been able to stay calm when he laughed so they both started giggling uncontrollably, falling into one another, and Holster was just so happy he couldn’t stop. The light suddenly turned on and Mom was in the doorway yelling, “Just what on Earth do you two think you’re doing up this late?” and still they couldn’t stop.

Holster went back to Waterloo feeling much better. He still didn’t think he was gay-- he liked girls wholeheartedly which he was pretty sure was a big No in the gay handbook-- but the idea that even if he was, it wasn’t a bad thing, settled on his shoulders like armor.

One night soon after that, there was a knock on his door late at night. The game they’d played was a good one, and Holster’d been awarded the single for the night. Still, he was sore when he got up to answer the door and was slow getting there. When he did eventually pull it open, Sean was there, with a blanket, a pillow, and a scowl.

He barged in muttering something about his roommate. “What’s wrong?” Holster asked, closing the door behind Sean.

“Ewing is fucking Hays in our room,” he said, nearly spiting the words. He set up his blanket on the floor next to Holster’s bed. Holster watched, his whole body tense.

“Oh.”

Sean huffed. “Yeah, fucking inconsiderate. He knows we have an early depart time and he doesn’t know that I have a place to sleep.” He shook his head, setting his pillow at the top of his blanket.

Holster coughed. “I don’t know, he probably needed it if he kicked you out and everything.” Sean darted a look at him, so he continued, “You know, blowing off steam and shit.”

Sean squinted at him. “What?”

Holster felt his face warm as he blustered. “It’s not-- it’s like stress relief, you know. A lot of the guys do it.” Nervous, he added, “It’s not gay unless they kiss.”

Sean stood and came closer, not incredibly but more than Holster felt comfortable with at that moment. He had a strange look on his face. “That’s not how it works, dude.” 

Holster stared back. He’d had a suspicion that maybe Quad’s take on everything wasn’t exactly kosher but to hear it from Sean was shocking. They’d never talked about it-- Holster being too terrified to ever try and bring it up-- but Sean didn’t seem grossed out or whatever right now. If anything, he seemed kind of... flirty?

Sean’s lips quirked into something like a smile. “Have you... “blown off steam” with anybody?”

“Um, what, no-- I--” Holster coughed and Sean took half a step closer. Holster watched him, frozen. “I-- yeah.” He swallowed. “Yeah.”

Sean’s smile widened and Holster couldn’t stop staring at his mouth. “But you’ve never kissed a guy, then.”

“Um.”

“Do you want to?” What the fuck. Holster was hyperventilating so he couldn’t manage to say yes what the fuck holy fuck yes please, but he did manage a fairly panicky nod. Sean laughed, soft and breathy, and took one step closer until he was right there and he lifted a hand to Holster’s cheek to bring him down to Sean’s mouth and--

And they were kissing. At first, Holster tried to catalog the differences from kissing a girl-- lips aren’t as wet, stubble is a bit rough, hand is firmer on his cheek-- but within moments he was melting into it and too distracted to think of anything except Sean’s mouth.

It was late, and they did have an early wake-up call in the morning, so they made out for a little while and then went to bed. Sean slept in the bed with Holster didn’t even say “No homo” when he threw his leg over Holster’s hip under the blankets. Holster still ended up tired in the morning because he spent so long staring at the ceiling with a stupid grin on his face.

When they got back to Waterloo, Holster was forced to go back to his host family’s house without a chance to be alone with Sean. He couldn’t get the grin off his face, though, and his host family was a little confused but they didn’t ask, which Holster was thankful for.

Before bed, Holster called Ruth and told her what had happened. “You probably froze like an idiot,” she said through the phone, and he could just see the shitty grin she was probably wearing

“Screw you,” Holster grumbled, though even his sister’s teasing couldn’t dampen his mood. He grabbed his toothbrush and squeezed some toothpaste onto it. 

“You’re lack of game aside, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Wha’s’tha?” Holster asked, shoving the toothbrush in his mouth.

“I’ve been doing some research on your situation.” That sounded ominous but Holster made a noise urging her to continue. “So you like guys right?” Holster made an affirmative noise. “But you also like girls?” Holster repeated the noise. “Okay, so I don’t know how you feel about it specifically, but there are two words I think that would describe you.”

“Wha’ are d’ey?” Holster swallowed a bit of toothpaste and coughed.

“Well, they both basically mean the same thing, but you can look them up for yourself. There’s pansexual-”

“Like a pan?” Holster asked, spitting into the sink.

“No,” Ruth said, sighing deeply. “God, you’re ridiculous. No, it’s a root word meaning “all”. So all genders.”

“All? Aren’t there just, like, two?”

“No, there’s more. It’s really not that complicated, I advise you to search it for yourself.” Holster made a note to do exactly that. Ruth was usually right about these things. He tested the word pansexual, saying it to his reflection. He shrugged. Felt as right as gay ever had.

“What’s the other word?” he asked, grabbing a towel to wipe his mouth.

“Bisexual.”

It was silly. It wasn’t like he knew the minute differences between the two words, or what bisexuality exactly entailed, but when he heard the word, and then repeated it to himself, it felt like it fit. Like, some kind of no-look pass that ended in a goal, like instinct, like understanding. Bisexual.

“Huh,” he said, and Ruth huffed a laugh over the line.

(Years later, Holster found himself laughing ridiculously in the middle of one of Shitty’s rants about how bi people in het relationships were still queer and belonged in LGBT+ circles just as much as anyone else. Shitty was initially offended, thinking Holster a bigot or something, but in reality he couldn’t stop laughing because Quad had been right when when he said that it wasn’t gay. It was bi, because Holster was bi, and therefore everything else he did was bi.)

(While the team was proud of him for being so content with himself, when Holster began to put the word “bi” before all of his actions-- “I bi-passed the puck” “I bi-stayed up all night bingeing Brooklyn Nine-Nine” “I bi-wrote the fuck out of that essay”-- it very quickly got old.)

[jasonblossomsghost]

0-44 please :)

0: Heighti’m 5′3 :)

1: Age182: Shoe sizeUS men’s 5, US women’s 6-7 (if anyone wants to buy me some new adidas i like the white and black classics)3: Do you smoke?my asthmatic ass? i think not4: Do you drink?nope5: Do you take drugs?i’ve considered it but nah6: Age you get mistaken fordepends but usually 13-15 7: Have tattoos?ya i got a temporary one on my shoulder its lit8: Want any tattoos?in the future probably but idk i dont like the idea of permanence

9: Got any piercings?not even my ears10: Want any piercings?not really. im not a fan of jewelry11: Best friend?her name is mady and i love her12: Relationship statussingle but with a toxic pissbaby clinging to my leg13: Biggest turn onspassion, talent, thermodynamic equilibrium/always warm (im a cold hoe), funny, smart, honest, loyal, etc etc14: Biggest turn offsexcessive jealousy (like a lil jealousy can be cute but if ur up my ass constantly i feel like u dont trust me ygm?), dishonesty, codependency, infidelity15: Favorite movieScott Pilgrim vs. The World16: I’ll love you if...you’re nice to me and hold my hand17: Someone you missnot to be gay but i havent seen mady in like a week so i miss her a lil bit18: Most traumatic experiencemy first memory is a grown man almost suffocating me so probably that lmao19: A fact about your personalityi’m a fucking disaster but at peace with it20: What I hate most about myselfi don’t value my own needs as much as i should21: What I love most about myselfmy sense of humor tbh. multiple people have told me theyve gotten funnier just being around me and it makes me feel good22: What I want to be when I get olderi plan on being a lawyer but i just wanna be financially stable, in love, and happy23: My relationship with my sibling(s)i’ve got 7 lmao. my relationship with my oldest sister is nonexistent, with the second oldest sister its just awkward, my older brother is a nazi so i fkn hate him, i constantly fight with my sister whos a year older, i parent my little sister while she calls me a bitch/cunt/twat, and i dont have a relationship with my two younger brothers24: My relationship with my parent(s)dont have one with my dad. my mom and i have a Not So Good relationship where she yells at me for no reason then feels guilty but instead of saying sorry just lets me leave the house25: My idea of a perfect datei havent been on a date in so long honestly someone take me out but anyway, breakfast at my favorite restaurant (its a vegan/gluten free place and ya boi has a lot of food intolerances but it also has really beautiful art and a garden) then going to a museum or my favorite bookstore. also maybe a park at some point?? idk if i love the person they could take me grocery shopping and id be happy26: My biggest pet peeveslying, cheating (on partners, not tests), and people who dont understand personal space27: A description of the girl/boy I likei could describe the person i unfortunately like but ill discuss him in 28 so have a description of the boy i have a small crush on instead. his name is Sam and hes super nice??? and smart??? and really funny??? but also so talented at music like the second i heard him sing i was in Love. i made him a present (it was just a dumb joke not like an actual present) on the last day of the semester and he decided to skip that day. i texted him and he deadass showed up to school just for me??? i was honestly dazed for the rest of the day28: A description of the person I dislike the mostlike i said, i unfortunately like him. hes at least borderline emotionally abusive and generally makes me feel shitty. hes hot tho /:29: A reason I’ve lied to a friendi’ve been trying to be really honest but ?? maybe so they wont worry about me?? idk30: What I hate the most about work/schooljust the stress tbh31: What my last text message says“be busy during that time” (from Mady about avoiding the guy from 28)32: What words upset me the mosthonestly just anything thats needlessly negative??? like idk life is too short to be an asshole the whole time33: What words make me feel the best about myselfwhen anyone compliments me tbh like if youve ever complimented me i love you34: What I find attractive in womentheir smiles and eyes and just how nice they are??? they always look cute?? and its fucking magical?? fuck dude girls are amazing. also like physically i appreciate nice thighs tbh like,,, damn35: What I find attractive in menwith guys tbh if they can make me laugh and are genuinely nice people im !! if they give nice hugs its a bonus. also its stereotypical af but tall boys are So Nice (like everyones tall to me tho so im not talking strictly 6 ft+)

36: Where I would like to liveCali maybe?? idk just a place where i feel safe being who i am37: One of my insecuritiesuntil July i was overweight like my whole life and recently ive been gaining and losing weight like crazy so just how much i weigh i guess?? idk like i Know it doesnt matter but it Does38: My childhood career choicei wanted to be a teacher or psychologist39: My favorite ice cream flavorprobably birthday cake tbh40: Who I wish I could behonestly i just wanna be me but happy41: Where I want to be right nowat a park maybe with a nice human42: The last thing I atefruit snacks43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediatelyLaverne Cox44: A random fact about anythinguh i keep a poetry journal that i write in almost daily

[lesbian-ed]

🌸Hi, a few years ago when I was 16 (19 now)I was forced out to my friends by this homophobic girl, and I came out as bi (still in the closet to my family), I'm no longer friends with any of them, but I can't figure out what label I should have, I really want to just know who I am. I said to them I was bi, but I've never felt right with that label. I read about comp het and it makes so much sense to me, but I still don't know. 1/5

🌸I feel, like, attracted to male celebs, but only when they’re in films or tv, and watching interviews of them ruins it?, and whenever I’m around guys I get these thoughts I can’t control about kissing them and sleeping with them and I feel rlly self conscious, I said this to a friend who said it’s a crush, but I get it with people I don’t like at all 2/?

🌸 And sometimes I have a phase where I feel like I could date a guy and marry him and have kids and be happy but it feels like I’m imagining a perfect version of me that actually im not like at all? And as well I can only imagine myself with a young guy, once I think about a 30 yr old or older I don’t want it anymore, but the perfect fantasy seems so appealing idk 3/?

🌸I feel different about girls but I don’t know I’m catholic and I feel like it’s always been other people are gay and that’s ok but not me? And I don’t know whether I feel no attraction to girls or I’m pushing it down bc when I see girls kiss on tv I literally have started crying and I saw a lesbian couple in public once and I got butterflies and also Ive found myself changing pronouns in songs in my head without realising but I’ve never had close to a crush on anyone especially not a girl 4/5

🌸Ive never even met a gay girl except for one pan girl at school but she was really weird and rude so I don’t know what it’s supposed to be like to like someone? writing this all down it makes it sound like I’m definitely a lesbian but that scares me so much bc ill never have a normal life and I can’t shake this feeling that actually I do want to be with a guy but I’m trying to be interesting or I’m faking this or something. Pls tell me your thoughts on this 5/5

Oh, anon. This literally all feels as if my younger self came into my ask box just now to ask for advice. 

I understand your pain, I really do, I went through so many of the same thought processes you’re describing now. It’s good that you’re aware of compulsory heterosexuality, since I believe that will make sorting your feelings easier. Still, I recommend you look through our tag (if you haven’t already) to read more thoughts on this. It’ll help. 

I obviously can’t tell you what your sexuality is for you, that’s your own journey to make, but this sounds so much like my own experience that I’m pretty sure what the answer is already.

Anon, let me tell you a story, I went to a catholic school and while my parents are pretty liberal and not that religious (in fact, my dad’s an atheist) I was also raised with the idea that ok, there were gay people out there, and I didn’t care what other people did with their lives! But honestly that was kind of weird and I couldn’t be like them, because they weren’t normal, like I should be. I was bullied a lot as a kid, because I was weird and ugly and way too shy and easy to pick on, so I grew up with this idea that whatever else happened, I had to stop being like that, I had to be beautiful and normal and acceptable. And that of course included a perfect fantasy of marrying the man of my dreams after he fell in love with men when I suddenly grew up to be the most beautiful woman there was, and having kids, and holding down a successful job that I was happy doing and having lots of money and well, just having the most perfect life. How could I not want that? Ever since I was old enough to walk, society fed me the idea that this was my ideal endgame, how could we ALL not dream about that at some point? 

I used to be obsessed with those stories where the “ugly” girl suddenly turns beautiful and the Nice Perfect Popular Boy finally notices her and they get together, those stories were my dream life. As a kid and young teen I’d fantasize about them constantly, I’d make up characters that would always end up fulfilling those same tropes. It was the way to prove to all those who ever called me ugly or belittled me because I was nerdy that “see? I got the happy ending” so when I was twelve, and suddenly all the girls were having crushes on boys I felt nothing for, while I started noticing seemingly out of the blue just how incredibly beautiful so many girls my age and older were, I got veeery scared. I couldn’t like girls like that, I wasn’t like that, I was already weird and had no friends, so how could I ever hope to find a girl who liked girls who’d like me? And if I did, everyone already hated me, so how would I bear it? The stares and the insults and the danger we’d face if people saw us together on the street? So I pushed that attraction down as far as I could, I convinced myself I was actually just too inmature to start thinking about crushes and all that stuff, and obviously when I was mature enough and the time came, I’d like boys, because that’s what Normal Girls did right? And I had to be normal.

In my school’s equivalent of US’ eighth grade, a new boy came to our class, he was pretty, and friendly, and most importantly, blonde! and he was the school sports star! It felt like every movie-like fantasy I ever had come to life. Every girl was in love with him, so one time I had a dream where we were dating. I woke up being absolutely ecstatic, that must have meant I had a crush right? I liked a boy? I was definitely straight?

I never actually began feeling nervous around this boy, or looking at him any more than usual until I had this dream and decided that meant I was in love. I told a friend eventually because I was excited about being in love and the fantasy I had created for myself about our perfect relationship (which did involve us kissing and having sex, and I never actually felt turned on about it but I did imagine it a lot because it meant we were In Love, so those fantasies happen even if you don’t actually like like the person in question, dw!), and isn’t that what you do when you like someone? Gossip about it with your friends? She told some of my bullies and the dude found out, so he started laughing at me in the middle of the class and calling me ugly and saying he was traumatized at the mere idea of me liking him. 

And I… felt nothing. I was angry of course, and sad, but it was just the same anger and sadness I felt when some random I didn’t like made fun of me, it wasn’t even like what I felt when former friends said nasty stuff about me. And I wanted to be heartbroken I wanted to wallow in the misery and the drama of it, but I just wasn’t, it was the same “well this shit sucks and I’m angry about it but it happens everyday so wyd?” There was no deeper feeling there, not even any special resentment, there was nothing. I never felt anything ever again when I looked at this boy.

Now, sometime later, the same boy starts dating a girl from our class, and it was around the same time that I was coming to terms with the fact that the latent attraction I had started to feel for women when I was younger had never actually gone away but rather had grown. Things were purely about sexual attraction for me at that point, not romantic feelings. I hadn’t actually been in love with a girl either by that point. Because even tho I was accepting my sexual attraction to women, I still had the idea in my mind that ideally I would end up with a boy, because when so much of my hopes for the future relied of me being beautiful and a man falling in love with me forever and ever so that I could have a normal future, letting go of that dream took a while. I called myself bisexual for a while, only to realize very little later that it didn’t actually fit me. When I did, it was hard, because I had to re-come out again to my mom and the two friends I had told, and that really scared me, because I felt like some fake, like what I felt was not actually real. I put it off, and my friends & mom were accepting but they also were like “you’re just confused about your sexuality!!/this is just a phase!!” so that fed into my insecurities. Even when I realized I was sexually into women only, I still hadn’t fallen in love with one, so that made things more confusing for me (I hadn’t fallen for any boy other than the one I mentioned earlier and one I met on a vacation that thought I liked for like a week because he had a pretty voice and was pretty androgynous lmao, but again, no heartbreak when he went away)

Eventually, (funnily enough through fandoms and f/f ships and fics that depicted them in loving relationships, And I cried when I read about girls kissing too, at first I thought it was because I was a Good Straight Ally, but I was just a lesbian lmao) I realized that I could also be happy in a relationship with a woman, that it was not only a possible future for me, but one that I wanted, one that felt right, one in which I wouldn’t be the beautiful, perfect, feminine, smart, succesful career woman I had dreamed of as a kid, but in which I’d be me, with all my quirks and faults, with another woman with her own quirks and faults who’d love me for who I am, because that was possible! It was possible to be happy like that!. When I realized this, that me liking girls romantically and sexually, and exclusively girls was okay, it felt like a veil was lifted from my eyes. Suddenly, all the feelings and attraction I had thought I had felt for boys paled in comparison to the intensity of what I felt for women, I learned what actual sexual desire was like, I yearned for a future with a real me in it with a real woman by my side, instead of the fake ideal I’d wanted to be when I was younger. It was around that time I fell in love for the first time.

Remember how I mentioned the boy I used to “like” got a girlfriend? Well, guess who I fell for? Me and her were assigned seats together one year in high school, and I got to know her through the first term, every time liking her more and more, until one day, she just walks into class, and I think she did something different with her hair? Whatever it was, seeing her felt like someone punching the breath out of me, it felt like watching literal perfection embodied. And I was gone, I was just so so sooo gone. I felt sparks when we sat next to each other, I couldn’t stop smiling like a fool whenever I looked at her, she’d say something nice to me and it felt like my soul was flying out of my body. And of course it was idealized, it was a crush on a girl I didn’t know that well, but the feelings I had, I had for her, for her actual personality, her actual sweetness, her actual kindness, even her actual rashness sometimes, not the fantasy I had made up of her that I projected onto her like I did when I “liked” her boyfriend. I liked her as a person. Plus the intensity of both crushes was just so fucking different. When I liked her, I cried when we were apart and at the thought of her with her dumbass idiot boyfriend, I listened to a love song and could relate to it for the first time. I understood finally why people would write poetry and songs and do all sorts of crazy things for this feeling. 

Tldr: I also fantasized about the ideal boy and I was never able to allow myself to feel anything for a girl because of how much I had repressed my sexuality due to fear of backlash until I was able to recognize that yes, liking women was OK and then all my repressed feelings came pouring out like a tsunami. 

If that sounds like something you can kind of relate to, then that’s your answer anon. However, it might not be, or maybe you don’t know if it is yet. That’s alright! Sexuality can be complicated and it can take a long time to figure it out. You’re not on a deadline here, you don’t have to stress about it.

As for the normal part, yeah being a lesbian in this society sucks a lot. And I still get terrified of the idea that I will not be “normal” and that I can never be happy. Even if I know deep in my heart that I can never be happy with a man, sometimes I wonder if it’d be worth it to spare me the pain. The answer? Hell no, I’ve got one life, one, what’s the point of wasting it on loveless unfulfilled relationships when I could try to go for someone I’ll actually be happy with? There’ll be pain, of course there will be, I live in a small town and I’ve only just started meeting other lesbians & bi girls offline this year because I’ve gone to university, and I’ve only ever actually started talking to and becoming actual friends with the ones I knew online this year too because I was so terrified before! All of them tell me about their hurt, and how lesbophobia affects them a lot, and yet I see them talking about how much they love their girlfriends/wives (I don’t have that because I’m an awkward potato but I’m trying) and also other lesbians, and it gives me hope, because I can be just like them, finding genuine happiness amidst the pain.

I hope this answer helps you. 

Mod M :D 

[abewoodhullturncoat]

100 Asks Answered:

The meaning behind my url:  abewoodhullturncoat... Abraham Woodhull was a turncoat so I mean, it did not take much to come up with that one.

A picture of me: will post one soon.

How many tattoos i have and what they are:  One! A large treble clef in honor of my love for music.

Last time i cried and why: I do not cry often, as I was raised to believe a guy has no right to cry and it makes him weak,  but I cried just last night... When I realized I’ve forgotten the sound of my uncles voice. He passed around 7 years ago. 

Favorite band: I have an eclectic taste in music, so I couldn’t tell you for certain.

Biggest turn offs:  Pretentiousness, number one by far.  Also people who drop hints instead of asking for something, game-playing instead of being direct, and braggarts. -I don’t want to remove this because I share much the same sentiment. But I do wish to add that another turn off is the automatic judgment that a person put on someone before truly getting to know someone.

Top 5 (insert subject): Top five Ice Cream Flavors: Superman, Mint Chocolate Chip, Cookie Dough, Vanilla, and Birthday Cake.  

Tattoos i want: Something really cool that would be really... Me. Historical, I’d reckon. As my love for history is a big part of me.

Biggest turn ons: A mind of their own and a voice to speak it. Quick wit and a voice to impart it. A taste for romance. Easy conversation. A taste for fine literature doesn’t hurt.

Age: Over 21. (My birthday is October 3rd if you actually read this.)

Ideas of a perfect date: Sitting in front of a fire, on the couch. Whoever the date may be with beside me, reading books together or maybe watching a film? I’d cook her dinner. Dessert. And maybe if she permitted, I’d take her to her home and give her a romantic kiss on the doorstep.

Life goal: Travel to all of the American Historical sights

Piercings i want: None

Relationship status: Single

Favorite movie: The Labyrinth or FBAWTFT

A fact about my life:  I’m a huge history geek.

Phobia: Of being disliked.

.Height: 5'11"

Are you a virgin?   Um... Yes. Much to awkward to get a date. Let alone a proper good shag. 

What is your shoe size?  11

What’s your sexual orientation? Straight. 

Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs?   I have drank in the past, but I refrain lately because it would mess with my anti-depressants

Someone you miss: My Uncle.

What’s one thing you regret?  My not working harder to accomplish necessary things. 

First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive:  Heather Lind, my goddess.

Favorite ice cream?  Mint Chocolate

One insecurity: Myself as a whole. 

What my last text message says:  I actually haven’t texted anyone since I got the phone really, but it was a text to my mum. Asking how she was. She spends a lot of time in the hospital due to her diabetes.

Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex? No.

Have you ever slept naked?   Yes

Have you ever stole money from a friend?  No

Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met?  Yes

Have you ever been in a fist fight?  Yes. Protecting my youngest brother from a group of people who loured him out of the house. I had an uneasy feeling when a friend of mine had refused to allow me to follow. Turns out that I made the right decision. They intended to beat the hell out of my brother, who has epilepsy and he’s too afraid to fight back. And the reason was because he was gay. They had no right to go after him, so I stepped in.

Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?  Yeah

Have you ever been arrested?  No

Have you ever made out with a stranger?  Yes

Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?  Yes

Have you ever been lonely?  Yes

Have you ever been to a club?  Once, and I was so very awkward. I went out on the dance floor and sort of just stood there while my friends just sat there... Grinding against me. I guess that’s part of being the only guy friend willing to hang out with the ladies.

Have you ever felt an earthquake?  Nope. But I was in a hurricane and a tornado before.

Have you ever touched a snake?  Aye.

Have you ever ran a red light?  Yes

Have you ever been in a car accident?   No

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? The night my uncle died.

Have you ever sang karaoke?  Oh yes.

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?   Mhmm. I call it, “Living.”

Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?  It was at a fancy dinner. Root-beer out the nose.

Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger?   No

Have you ever dreamed that you married someone?   No

Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole?  Ah, yes. Actually. To be young and stupid and willing to do anything for money.

Have you ever ever gone to school partially naked?  Ah... No.

Have you ever brushed your teeth?   Dude... Yes.

Have you ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone?  Nope.

Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?  Yes 

Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger?  Nope

Have you ever broken a bone?  In my right leg, yeah.

Have you ever been easily amused? Due to my own immaturity.

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?  Many times

Have you ever mooned/flashed someone?  No

Have you ever forgotten someone’s name?   Yes

Give us one thing about you that no one knows: I  am so overly romantic that it is slightly ridiculous.

What was your last dream?  I haven’t the faintest idea. I’ve forgotten.

Would you be up for interplanetary travel if it was a thing?  Heck yeah. 

If you could travel back in time, where would you go? I would go back and fight with Washington and his men. Win the war. Make history.

Do you dread doctor visits or do they not bother you? I don’t dread them at all.

Favorite fashion decade of the twentieth century?  Fashion is not my strong suit. I’d just as soon bring back the breeches and waistcoats, and the courtships of the 1700′s

Are you wearing nail polish and if so, what color? Now I’m confident in my sexuality but myself in nail polish is not going to happen.

Are you into working out or no? Yep.

Do you have a temper?   No

Do you have one item you treat yourself with, if so, what is it? Rolllllleeeeplay.

Do you eat meat?  Yes

If yes, how do you like it cooked?  enough

Ever had a boss or a teacher you absolutely hated?  No.

Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate?  Hot Chocolate.

Do you wear makeup?  Nope.

If you wear perfume, what’s your scent type/favorite fragrance?  I’m a basic guy. Old Spice usually. But I do like Drakkar.

Do you have a girl crush?  Yes

Candles, wax melts, or incense?  Incense.

Favorite season of the year?  Winter.

Fanfic—do you prefer smut or fluff?   Smut

Do you like taking selfies?  Why or why not?  I mean, I take selfies. But I do not have myself convinced that I am God’s gift to women.

Do you want children? Not sure yet.

Do you prefer lots of friends or just a few good friends?  Just a few, not interested in crowds of pseudo-friends

Introvert or extrovert, or mixture of both?  Mixture

Ocean/beach or mountains?  Ocean, if it’s cold, cloudy, and the water is wild and gray.  Otherwise mountains.

Morning person or night person?  Both.

Do you initiate conversations with strangers?  Yes

Milk or dark chocolate? Milk chocolate is my secret weakness.

What do you post on your blog? Role play mostly.

Is it hard for you to apologize when you’re in the wrong?   I have no issue apologizing whether I am wrong or right.

Love at first sight?  Sometimes.

Best/funniest Halloween memory?  I was Jareth the Goblin King one year. Being recognized was great. But then the next year I was Westley from the Princess Bride and I scored myself a date at the very same halloween party.

Did your first crush work out or was it unrequited?  Unrequited of course.

Do you like old movies—and by old, I mean OLD old?  Yes

Do you tan or burn?  Both.

Do you think people deserve second chances?  Generally yes.  Hard to say no considering how many times I’ve fucked up.  But child molesters, that kind of thing–hell no. - Agreed sentiment, honestly.

What animal would be cutest if scaled down to the size of a cat?   Me, probably.

Do you have any weird food likes/dislikes? I hate fish and seafood in general. But I was introduced to ranch on hot dogs and I sorta dig it.

.What’s the funniest real person’s name you’ve ever heard? John Jacob Jefferson Schmidt.

I was tagged by @greenofallshades

@annastrxng @nellyforrevolution @bennjamintallmadge

and anyone else who wants to do it can. You can switch out questions if you wish, as long as there ends up being one hundred. Or about that.

[declanflores-blog]

hello loves !! my name is drea and i’m super stoked to be here. i haven’t rped in like 2 years so i was lowkey hesitant about sending an app?? but i’m glad i did and i’m ready to have fun with y’all! let’s make this rp last. more stuff about me: i talk way too much & english is not my first language so i apologize in advance for any mistakes i might make. i also love writing angst too much.

here’s my baby declan flores, my insecure bi cinnamon roll the songwriter ( come love him i literally want a connection w/ all of u & i got some ideas at the end of this post )

i’ll just put here what i sent in my app! it’s kinda long ahhh but this is p much his backstory, i’ll probably end up doing a fancier statistics page or w/e. trigger warning: homophobia

declan comes from a big & very religious family. his parents have always been very strict, particularly with their beliefs and how they passed them on to their children. for most of declan’s life he believed that if he sinned he would go to hell, he had to pray every day, wait until marriage to have sex, being gay was wrong, etc… he didn’t really know another way of thinking until he went to high school, where he befriended a few people that weren’t heavily religious and kind of challenged his way of seeing the world. as he grew older and surrounded himself with other opinions, he eventually realized that his parents’ beliefs and ideals weren’t perfect. he began doubting god but he kind of kept that to himself, so to his parents he was always the perfect son who could never disappoint them.

he started a band with his three best friends when they got out of high school & they were kind of punk rock and all. declan always really loved music, it’s his biggest passion, but tbh his voice isn’t that great and people tried to tell him but the band was under the illusion that they were good lol. it kinda worked out for a while, they reached a small amount of fame; they could have made it, but then declan started developing feelings for the guitarist of the band. they were best bros and declan thought he was on the same page but the dude pretty much told him “no, i ain’t gay”… which ultimately created a lot of messy drama within the band and they eventually broke up. this is when everything in declan’s life started falling apart — he was super lost because he didn’t understand how he could have feelings for a man (again, for most of his life he was told that that was wrong) & his religious beliefs were tested once again. he mistakenly thought he could come clean to his parents about what was going on in hopes that they would support him, but obviously it didn’t go that way. he quickly went from ‘perfect son’ to the family’s black sheep. as much as he tried, he couldn’t get his parents to see that their beliefs were fucked up & what saddened him the most was that they were convinced he was ‘sick’ for having romantic feelings for a man.

at that point declan was like 20 so he moved out of home and since then he hasn’t returned. he’s 25 now and he still speaks to his siblings sometimes, but his relationship with his parents is pretty tainted. he doesn’t really have a home, he just kinda crashes on his friends’ places when he needs to, but he started earning money for himself with songwriting. ever since the band fiasco he has accepted that he’s not suited for the actual singing and performing, but he rather likes being backstage and writing songs. he’s well known in the ‘behind the scenes’ world of hollywood because he’s written some bops for really popular artists and his lyrics are really good. he was asked to write a song with/for the unapologetics & one thing led to another — now he’s touring with them and getting the opportunity to be around music all the time which keeps him happy. he doesn’t really have any goals; he’s the type of person that just goes with the flow and doesn’t plan for tomorrow.

i guess the skeleton in his closet is that declan is bisexual, he just doesn’t know it yet. he has a really hard time accepting that concept, mostly because he refuses to accept that he’s attracted to men. he feels like he has to choose a side — men or women, and due to his religious past he’s only accepts his attraction for women.

declan is generally a nice person, he’s a great friend & listener, but a really hard person to get to know, which is ironic since he pours his heart and soul into his lyrics. but he’s one of those people that shares lots of useless details about himself to give you the sense that you know a lot about him when in fact you probably don’t even know that he doesn’t talk to his parents anymore. he has a lot of friends but considers himself to be a loner, not because he wants to, but because he thinks it’s better that way. he’s terribly afraid of being judged, namely for his sexuality, so he keeps a distance from anyone who tries to get too close and only vaguely shares his feelings through songs. he can be a bit aggressive when people criticize him because he takes everything personally, so if you get on his bad side expect him to be an asshole. deep down (like very deep down) he’s a hopeless romantic, he just wants to be loved unconditionally and learn how to accept himself ??

IDEAS FOR CONNECTIONS !!

( so i restricted the first 3 to male & female simply bc they tie in with declan’s ‘secret’, so they’re more specific and only make sense a certain way. but i absolutely want to plot with everyone and do more stuff besides what’s mentioned here!! so hmu if u wanna take any of these or if u have a wanted connection of your own that u think declan is perfect for than lmk i’m honestly up for anything ay)

CRUSH — so i’d love for declan to have a lil crush on a guy and it’s basically the thing with the ex best friend happening all over again. this would be someone that declan is good friends with, but he feels attracted to him / them and he tries to repress those feelings as much as possible because he’s convinced it won’t be reciprocated and he doesn’t wanna get his heart broken again. also, u know, the whole ‘i refuse to like dudes’ thing. so this other person tries to keep this friendship going but declan often distances himself on purpose. this person doesn’t need to have a crush on declan back, i honestly have no preference so that’d be up to you!! 

FLING BUT NOT REALLY — shoutout if you watch shadowhunters bc this one is kinda inspired by #malec HA. so this would be someone (male) who is a lot more comfortable with their sexuality and kinda flirts with declan all the time, mostly for the joy of watching him get all flustered and taken aback. sometimes declan flirts back without meaning to so there’s some ~tension but nothing beyond that ever happens because declan runs away as soon as it gets serious. this person is p sure that declan is bi but he / they have never confronted him about it. this could honestly go a million different ways so idk, just a general idea!! 

ACTUAL FLING — so i was thinking maybe he has a ~thing going on with a girl and p much everyone can see it, like they’ve both hinted that they like each other (but the actual extent of those feelings can be discussed). they can’t seem to go forward though bc one minute declan is really sweet to her and the next he doesn’t seem interested anymore. he doesn’t feel like he can trust his feelings for anyone & he fears that he might be taking advantage of his feelings for her to forget about men (again, the concept of bisexuality: 404 error), so he knows that if they got together he wouldn’t be 100% honest with her and bc he genuinely cares about her as a person he doesn’t want to hurt her. u get the kinda angst i’m trying to convey here

BEST FRIEND / RIDE OR DIE — basically the only person in the world who really knows declan inside and out. they know everything about his parents, about his insecurities and why he’s so closed off. somehow they’ve truly earned declan’s trust which is a very rare thing

ENEMY — someone who declan can’t stand (and vice versa) which is really inconvenient since they’re constantly running into each other on tour. not sure what could have sparked this relationship (or lack of) but since declan is really defensive about basically everything i imagine they can’t be in the same space for more than 10 minutes

SONGWRITING BUDDIES ?? if your character is in one of the bands and writes songs we should def figure out some sort of connection cuz declan is on the tour to spend time with you!! & this could ofc go hand in hand with any of the previous ideas if you’d like

idk what else give me all the things

[theprettyhigh]

ALL OF THE QUESTIONS

Thanks dude 💕

The meaning behind my url:Honestly I made this account 4+ years ago and I don’t remember now.

A picture of me: Check my tags dude, its under my personal tag or something?

How many tattoos i have and what they are:None yet but ask again in a couple months ☺

Last time i cried and why: Last night, got inside my own head a little too much.

Piercings i have: Ears pierced twice, industrial bar in my left ear, double helix in my right and my nose.

Favourite band: Hard question but Twenty Øne Piløts hold a special place in my heart.

Biggest turn offs:Being ignored, obnoxious, close minded…that kind of stuff. It takes me a while to find the bad in people I guess.

Top 5 (artists):Twenty Øne Piløts, Imagine Dragons, CHVRCHES, PVRIS & Lorde.(Thumpers, Kate Nash, Halsey and Paramore are all also honourable mentions).

Tattoos i want:Three thin black bands around my left arm (two above my elbow joint, one below), a dedication to Carrie Fisher of some description, I like geometric tattoos and floral stuff but beyond what I said - I’m undecided.

Biggest turn ons:Being able to make really easy conversation, they take more charge than I do, idk, shit like that.

Age:17.

Idea of a perfect date:Just hanging out with someone, wherever tbh, I just like listening to people.

Life goal: To be happy and financially stable and loved.

Piercings i want: Tempted to get my tongue pierced, maybe another couple of helixes. I’m undecided and broke.

Relationship status: Single.

Favorite movie:Silver Linings Playbook.

A fact about my life:I can’t detect sarcasm, no matter how obvious.

Phobia: The dark.

Middle name: Wilson.

Height: 5'7 and a half.

Are you a virgin?Yes.

What’s your shoe size? 4 or a 5, just depends where I buy shoes.

What’s your sexual orientation?Gay.

Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs?I don’t smoke or take drugs - just drink.

Someone you miss:@canidlupum, it’s been a while 💕

What’s one thing you regret?Not much, everything happens for a reason.

First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive:Lynn Gunn.

Favorite ice cream?Ben & Jerry’s cookie dough.

One insecurity:My chest.

What my last text message says:“Sure thing, I’ll let you know.”

Have you ever painted your room?Last November, all white. Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex?Only one girl, couple of different times.

Have you ever slept naked?No, it’s not comfortable to me.

Have you ever danced in front of your mirror?No, I can’t dance.

Have you ever had a crush?Who hasn’t?

Have you ever been dumped?No, I’ve always been the one to break things off.

Have you ever stole money from a friend?No.

Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met?No.

Have you ever been in a fist fight?No.

Have you ever snuck out of your house?Never had reason to.

Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?I guess so?

Have you ever been arrested?No.

Have you ever made out with a stranger?No, I’m far too nervous to do that kind of stuff 😂.

Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere?No.

Have you ever left your house without telling your parents?Probably but not that I can remember.

Have you ever had a crush on your neighbor?No.

Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun?No, like I said, too nervous a person.

Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex?Yeah but it was always a platonic thing.

Have you ever seen someone die?Thankfully not.

Have you ever been on a plane?More times than I could count.

Have you ever kissed a picture?No that’s pretty strange.

Have you ever slept in until 3?Only a couple times.

Do you love someone or miss someone right now?Like I said, I miss some of my friends but no, I’m not in love with anyone right now.

Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?Probably as a kid.

Have you ever made a snow angel?Like I said, as a kid.

Have you ever played dress up?Again, as a kid.

Have you ever cheated while playing a game?Probably.

Have you ever been lonely?Pretty often, mental health can be kinda shit sometimes.

Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school?At school yeah, never at work.

Have you ever been to a club?Not yet, once I’m 18.

Have you ever felt an earthquake?Thankfully not.

Have you ever touched a snake?No.

Have you ever ran a red light?No, I can’t drive yet.

Have you ever been suspended from school?No, I was never that badly behaved.

Have you ever had detention?I’m perpetually late so yeah.

Have you ever been in a car accident?Only once, nothing too serious.

Have you ever hated the way you look?On bad days, yes.

Have you ever witnessed a crime?Technically.

Have you ever pole danced?No.

Have you ever been lost?I got Claire and myself lost in London once or twice.

Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country?Not really.

Have you ever felt like dying?Shitty mental health ain’t fun.

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?Like I said previously…

Have you ever sang karaoke?No, I can’t sing.

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?Oh probably, but not that I can recall.

Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?Only once, about ten years ago. It hurt.

Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger?Never slept with anyone.

Have you ever kissed in the rain?No.

Have you ever sang in the shower?When I’m home alone and in a good mood.

Have you ever made out in a park?No.

Have you ever dreamt that you married someone?Probably at one point in time.

Have you ever glued your hand to something?No but I’ve glued cutlery to bookcases (there’s a story there I promise).

Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole?No.

Have you ever ever gone to school partially naked?No.

Have you ever been a cheerleader?No.

Have you ever sat on a roof top?On an abandoned bunker with two of my friends. We talked. We were drunk. It was wonderful.

Do you ever brush your teeth?Of course?

Have you ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone?I don’t like them. Ever.

Have you ever played chicken?No, don’t know what that is ngl.

Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?Thankfully not.

Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger?I’ve been catcalled but otherwise, no.

Have you ever broken a bone?Thankfully nothing major yet besides like three of my toes.

Have you ever been easily amused?I’m always easily amused.

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?At the weekend. I can’t remember why though.

Have you ever mooned/flashed someone?God no.

Have you ever cheated on a test?A little.

Have you ever forgotten someone’s name?A coworker’s once, I felt really guilty

Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real?Yeah. She knows who she is.

Give us one thing about you that no one knows.I’d be such a different person if I wasn’t so nervous.

[artstvdies]

70 questions tag

Thank you @amsterdamstudies for letting me waste my time like this!

01: do you have a good relationship with your parents? Yes! I do! I still live with my parents and i’ve never really been someone who rebels against my parents. It also helped that i have a much older sister whom i never fought with. 

02: who did you last say “i love you” to? probably my sister or my best friend

03: do you regret anything? Yes, lots of things unfortunately, like for example not participating in the end musical of primary school (a Dutch tradition) or not getting along with my classmates.

04: are you insecure? kinda, mostly about my body and my achievements.

05: what is your relationship status? single and gay AF

06: how do you want to die? dude, this is a dark question, but i don’t know, i hope i die happy

07: what did you last eat? tortilla’s with avocado 

08: played any sports?  Yes! Still, i iceskate

09: do you bite your nails? yea, i do, it’s a nervous tick

10: when was your last physical fight? i think three years ago? something like that.

11: do you like someone? kinda.

12: have you ever stayed up 48 hours? lol yea, many times

13: do you hate anyone at the moment? hate is a big word but i won’t miss certain people after graduation no 

14: do you miss someone? my best friend

15: have any pets? not anymore

16: how exactly are you feeling at the moment? happy, i’m at my fav study café with my sister planning our vacation. I’m pretty satisfied.

17: ever made out in the bathroom? no, I’ve never kissed someone, period.

18: are you scared of spiders? nope not at all

19: would you go back in time if you were given the chance? i’m not sure, probably though

20: where was the last place you snogged someone? look at q 17 pls

21: what are your plans for this weekend? planning the vacation with my sis.

22: do you want to have kids? how many? none

23: do you have piercings? how many? yes, i have an helix and i’m about to get another piercing

24: what is/are/were your best subject(s)? history, english and art

25: do you miss anyone from your past?  my grandpa, kinda. 26: what are you craving right now?  cheesecake

27: have you ever broken someone’s heart?  I have no idea, i’m so blind with shit like that 28: have you ever been cheated on?  nah

29: have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? nah

30: what’s irritating you right now? nothing rlly its perfect here

31: does somebody love you? my fam and friends I guess

32: what is your favourite colour? green!! but like deep dark green

33: do you have trust issues? kinda but depends on the person

34: who/what was your last dream about? I have no idea

35: who was the last person you cried in front of? My best friend probably

36: do you give out second chances too easily? Depends on the person again

37: is it easier to forgive or forget? forgive def

38: is this year the best year of your life? my life so far, it is, or it’s very close to being it

39: how old were you when you had your first kiss? again look at question 17 pls

40: have you ever walked outside completely naked? no, why would i?

51: favourite food? pizza or anything italian tbh

52: do you believe everything happens for a reason? kinda, but i also believe you can control it too.

53: what is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? take my meds

54: is cheating ever okay? nope pls don’t

55: are you mean? I try not to be, tho i can be a real bitch

56: how many people have you fist fought? a few

57: do you believe in true love? yeah pretty much, why not? Let’s do happy thoughts. Though i do think there are multiple true loves.

58: favourite weather? cold and fall like 59: do you like the snow?  YES!

60: do you wanna get married? idk depends

61: is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? pls yes pet names are everything call me babe, honey, sweetheart idc

62: what makes you happy? friends, family, stationery, music and artmuseums

63: would you change your name? nope

64: would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? QUESTION 17!!!!!!!!!

65: your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? nothing, talk about how gay i am

66: do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? yes, i do

67: who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? a friend of mine

68: who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? my best friend

69: do you believe in soulmates? mje, kinda

70: is there anyone you would die for? yea, my best feiends and my family.

I tag: @theravenclawstudyblr , have fun. Also anyone else who wants to do this obvs

[itsnotsammy]

HEY HEY HEY ALL OF THE QUESTIONS!!!

get in my business (aka GODDAMIT CAIT)

1. The meaning behind my url: It’s Sam, not Sammy. Only Dean calls Sammy Sammy.2. A picture of me: I’m too shy for that. As soon as I get a nice pic, I’ll be showing ya.3. How many tattoos i have and what they are: I have 4 tattoos. One is a triskele, a celtic symbol, one is a quote from a song I enjoy, one is a Sherlock/Moriarty anagram and one is the Kindreds’ mask.4. Last time i cried and why: Last night watching some episode of Supernatural. I’ll let you guys decide which one.5. Piercings i have: None. Not a piercing fan.

6. Favorite band: At this moment, Poets of the Fall7. Biggest turn offs: If a person is rude to someone for no reasons at all, it just irks me right there. Don’t be rude, people. Be nice. And also, really bad grammar here in Brazil. Just. Don’t.8. Top 5 (insert subject): no subject, no top 5. Bye Cait.9. Tattoos i want: I have a list under my bed. Let me get it.10. Biggest turn ons: Being kind and sweet and soft like Sam Puppy Winchester. That wins everything else.11. Age: 23, turning 24 in June12. Ideas of a perfect date: At home. Don’t take me out of home. We can do things inside.13. Life goal: Meet Jared Padalecki and give him a nice hug if he wants.14. Piercings i want: Nah.15. Relationship status: S-s-single16. Favorite movie: Ugh too many choices!! I love movies so bad! But I’d need to pick one, it’d be Lord of the Rings.17. A fact about my life: I had sex with my cousin more than once. The same one I almost got killed when we were kids. He’s damn hot nowadays.18. Phobia: Clowns. Seriously.19. Middle name: Elliot20. Height: 5′4″21. Are you a virgin? Nope.22. What’s your shoe size? 9/1023. What’s your sexual orientation? Gay af24. Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs? I used to smoke once or twice during the week, but I’ve stopped months ago. I enjoy drinking, tho.25. Someone you miss: My self esteem.26. What’s one thing you regret? Not being Jared’s husbando.27. First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive: Did I ever mention Jared Padalecki? Oh well, there you go.28. Favorite ice cream? Chocolate.29. One insecurity: 30. What my last text message says: dAMMIT CAIT31. Have you ever taken a picture naked? Yes, but never posted it.32. Have you ever painted your room? Yes.33. Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex? Of course.34. Have you ever slept naked? Nah.35. Have you ever danced in front of your mirror? Yep.36. Have you ever had a crush? Definitely.37. Have you ever been dumped? I can’t really remember.38. Have you ever stole money from a friend? I think not...39. Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met? Yes. I’m this stupid.40. Have you ever been in a fist fight? No, but it looks fun.41. Have you ever snuck out of your house? Never needed to. Grandma is nice. “Hey grandma, I’m going out to sell some drugs!” “Sure, just take your coat, it’s cold outside.”42. Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? No.43. Have you ever been arrested? Never.44. Have you ever made out with a stranger? Yes.45. Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? Yep.46. Have you ever left your house without telling your parents? Yea.47. Have you ever had a crush on your neighbor? Nah.48. Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun? Thrice a week, at least. Good days.49. Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? Yep.50. Have you ever seen someone die? Nope.51. Have you ever been on a plane? No, but I’d like to!52. Have you ever kissed a picture? Obviously.53. Have you ever slept in until 3? Every sunday.54. Have you ever love someone or miss someone right now? No, not really.55. Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? I think I used to do it when I was a kid.56. Have you ever made a snow angel? It doesn’t snow here in Brazil!! Gah!57. Have you ever played dress up? Yep.58. Have you ever cheated while playing a game? Hahahahahhaa. Of course. I’m a sore loser.59. Have you ever been lonely? 24/7 tbh60. Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school? Y e s61. Have you ever been to a club? Nope.62. Have you ever felt an earthquake? Once. Scariest shit ever.63. Have you ever touched a snake? Yes! And it was so cool!!!64. Have you ever ran a red light? I don’t drive.65. Have you ever been suspended from school? I don’t think so?66. Have you ever had detention? Nope.67. Have you ever been in a car accident? No.68. Have you ever hated the way you look? Every. Fucking. Day.69. Have you ever witnessed a crime? Yes, but I did nothing because the guy had a gun and I’m a chicken.70. Have you ever pole danced? No, but I’d like to!71. Have you ever been lost? Yes, and it’s not fun ;-;72. Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country? Not yet, but I intend to!73. Have you ever felt like dying? A few times during the week, yea.74. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? Yes. Too many times to care.75. Have you ever sang karaoke? Yesss76. Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? Yes. I’m terrible at keeping promises.77. Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? YES!78. Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger? Nah. Never.79. Have you ever kissed in the rain? Nop.80. Have you ever sang in the shower? Everyday! I love to sing in the shower!81. Have you ever made out in a park? Yes.82. Have you ever dream that you married someone? Not my thing, no.83. Have you ever glued your hand to something? No, but my grandma did and it was so funny I couldn’t stop laughing for like half an hour. It sounds cruel but the old woman is fierce and scary af, dudes. Don’t trust an old woman. She can do things.84. Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? Nope.85. Have you ever ever gone to school partially naked? Nop.86. Have you ever been a cheerleader? No, never. Please no. Not my thing.87. Have you ever sat on a roof top? No, but I’d love to.88. Have you ever brush your teeth? Obviously.89. Have you ever ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? Nah. I enjoy horror movies.90. Have you ever played chicken?91. Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Yes, those damn motherfuckers...92. Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger? Nah, never. I dress like a homeless old man when I go out.93. Have you ever broken a bone? Yes, not fun.94. Have you ever been easily amused? Yeeees95. Have you ever laughed so hard you cried? Yes!96. Have you ever mooned/flashed someone? Nah.97. Have you ever cheated on a test? Did it yesterday.98. Have you ever forgotten someone’s name? I do it daily. I just work dealing with too many people.99. Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real? Yessss100. Have you ever give us one thing about you that no one knows. Yes! I trust Tumblr more than I trust my relatives, hah.

[twosamanthas]

0-44

0:Height? 5′4 (i’m smol)1:Virgin? depends on your definition of sex 2:Shoe size? 6/7 (nz sizes)3:Do you smoke? no4:Do you drink? yes 5:Do you take drugs? no6:Age you get mistaken for? sometimes 15 but also if i actually dress nicely, wear heels etc i can pass for early twenties7:Have tattoos? no8:Want any tattoos? hell yeah my dude9:Got any piercings? yes- a cartilage piercing in my left ear10:Want any piercings? nope i’m good w/ one11:Best friend? yeah i’ve got 2 irl & some rlly neat friends on here 12:Relationship status? single n gay13:Biggest turn ons? girl’s hands!! brown hair, girls w/ glasses, confidence, being treated well?? n also being rough14:Biggest turn offs? i guess when people get in my face? and are just generally irritating15:Favorite movie? gone girl16:I’ll love you if you watch poi with me17:Someone you miss? the machine, lov that gay AI18:Most traumatic experience? probably my childhood ab*se (don’t remember the majority of it)19:A fact about your personality? i’m v shy n closed off around most people20:What I hate most about myself? BOI where to start? um, i’m self destructive, pessimistic, and also my anxiety disorder is Bad 21:What I love most about myself? i have no idea lol22:What I want to be when I get older? dead23:My relationship with my sibling(s) don’t have any24:My relationship with my parent(s) close w/ my dad, and the total opposite w/ my mum but it’s not that bad i guess25:My idea of a perfect date? probably just eating n walking around in the city26:My biggest pet peeves? when people touch my hair and also when they won’t stop talking27:A description of the girl/boy I like? hot, good with a gun28:A description of the person I dislike the most? a man, plays basketball, and strives to prove his masculinity 29:A reason I’ve lied to a friend? didn’t wanna upset them and also didn’t want to open up30:What I hate the most about work/school? the people there31:What your last text message says? “it’s bc he smol”32:What words upset me the most? slurs33:What words make me feel the best about myself? idk34:What I find attractive in women? everything, but especially their hands, collarbones, and hair35:What I find attractive in men? nothing?? unless they’re john boyega or matt daddario36:Where I would like to live? nyc or madrid 37:One of my insecurities? everything bye38:My childhood career choice? a journalist lmao 39:My favorite ice cream flavor? coffee40:Who wish I could be? sameen shaw41:Where I want to be right now? six feet under 42:The last thing I ate? some m & ms 43:Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately? sarah shahi44:A random fact about anything? i’m gay