#and the fact that i relate seeing this happen back to my own issues is just evidence that I'm a terribly selfish person

[piplupod]

.

absolutely wild to watch people paint themselves the victim in a situation where they rly didnt need to be one and then they turn around and wield horrific social weapons that could potentially be genuinely lethal to the "bully". and everyone rallies around them and is foaming at the mouth for "justice", "if you mess with one of us then you mess with all of us", "don't you know? this is WAR". and heaping piles of uncritical support and comfort upon them.

and i sit over here in my corner being quiet because i am too scared to even say "i am applying for welfare this week or next and i am so afraid that i am nauseous and crying repeatedly over the span of multiple days. i very honestly don't think that i can do this, but i need to if i want to live. i do not know what to do." writing apologetic vent posts and deleting them. over and over again, trying to find the least imposing way to express my feelings but failing because my feelings are always imposing. getting angry with myself for having the gall to think i have anything worthy of complaining about. knowing that i am running out of time to get my life sorted out before i run out of money and have nothing left, I'll be at the complete mercy of my abusers, the threadbare scraps of safety net will have crumbled away. and again, getting upset with myself for thinking this way because i am not dying in this moment, so i have nothing to complain about, but simultaneously knowing in my gut that if i Was actively dying, I'd still reprimand myself for complaining because surely there are people who have it worse. how selfish of me!

[lilgynt]

i sent my mom a text like maybe a sentence asking if she could turn off her alarms that go off when she’s already gone pls - she responded back with a paragraph and a half cussing me out 😍

[mommywandas]

Go to Sleep — W.M

——

Pairing: Mommy!Wanda x Fem!Reader

Warnings: bad relationship with mother, mommy!wanda, implied drugging, lactation kink, pet names.

A/N: My first Wanda fic, pls be nice :,)

——

To say your relationship with your mother was rocky would have been an understatement. Most nights were full of screaming matches, mainly on her behalf but occasionally you lost your cool, unable to hold back.

"Just get out of my sight!" Your mother yelled, pointing to the front door of your shared home. You were old enough to get your own place, but you had been struggling to hold down jobs that earned proper money, consequently forcing you to stay living with your mom. Oh how you wished things were different.

"I'll sleep somewhere else tonight but I'm coming back tomorrow to take my things. I'm done here." Sadness and anger seeped through your words. This had happened enough times now, you having to sleep at a friend's house. But this was your last straw. You couldn't spend another night under this roof.

"Fine." Your mother looked away, seemingly unable to bear the sight of you. Taking a deep breath, you ran upstairs, grabbing the essentials, toiletries, a change of clothes and phone charger. Without saying another word to the other woman, you left the house, backpack slung over your shoulder. It was a cold night, causing you to shiver, wishing you'd brought a coat, but you weren't going back now. Your shaky hands reached for your phone, unlocking it and pulling up your friend's contact. At the same time, you saw it was almost one in the morning. Did you really want to disturb him? And besides, none of your friends were particularly close to you, not by your choice. It was like every friend you made, they just didn't like you enough. And you didn't know why.

As you scrolled through your contacts, desperately trying to find someone who would probably be awake, you caught sight of the woman who was very close with your mom.

Wanda Maximoff.

She had told you to call night or day, knowing the issues at home. And now seemed like the perfect time to utilize that offer. So you hesitantly pressed the call button. She picked up on the forth ring.

"(Y/N)?" A sleepy voice sounded through the phone, and you could picture her rubbing her eyes from tiredness.

"Hi.. uh.." Unexpectedly, tears started to form in your eyes, voice wavering. You heard a ruffle of sheets, she had sat up, her voice now turning into concern.

"Are you okay?"

You nodded, then remembered she couldn't see you, so you mumbled, "Yeah.. uhm.. I just don't know where to go."

"Where are you? I'll come and pick you up." You could hear another ruffle, presumably Wanda getting ready to leave, but you quickly stopped her.

"No, no, I can walk to yours, I'm not far." You were already waking her up, intruding on her night, the least you could do was walk a couple of blocks. After her initial protests, she finally gave in. So you slipped your phone into the bag and started the journey. Walking alone at night always scared you, but it didn't take long before you were knocking on a door. The door swung open immediately, and you were met with a very worried Wanda.

"(Y/N), I've been so worried since you called." She wrapped her arms around you, and you could smell her floral scent. You'd always loved her. In fact, you'd spent most of your teenage years crushing on her secretly. Like any teenager, to be honest. You hugged her back, sniffling quietly.

"I—I'm sorry, I just didn't know where else to go, and everyone's asleep and you said to call whenever I wanted, and my mom hates me and—"

You were cut off by Wands pressing a finger to your lips. "Sweetheart, don't worry. Come in, you must be freezing." Her soft tone melted you to the core, and you couldn't help but follow her inside, shivering at the warmth. You weren't quite aware of what she was doing, because you were lost in your self destructive thoughts, but a few minutes later she was standing in front of you with a hot mug of cocoa. More tears prickled in your eyes, because not even your mother had shown you this type of kindness. You held the mug in your hands, warming up. Her thumb reached out and wiped your stray tears.

"It must have been a big fight, huh?"

You nodded, looking down at the smooth chocolate. "Yeah.. she told me to 'get out of her sight'. But I don't know—" You trailed off, a strain in your voice. "I don't know where I'm going to go. I have nowhere. None of my friends like me enough to let me sleep on their couch until I get my bearings."

She sighed softly, her empathy radiating off her. "You can stay with me, honey, as long as you like." Her voice was gentle, exactly what you needed, a stark contrast to the voice that had just been shouting at you.

"You mean that?" Your eyes lit up, feeling warm inside.

She chuckled, tucking some of your hair behind your ear. "Of course, sweetheart. I have a spare room already set up."

The relief spread through your body— you had a place to stay! Someone who actually wanted you!

"Thank you so much, thank you." Your thanks came gushing out, before she guided your hand on the mug up to your lips.

"Drink, darling."

You sipped, and the chocolate was sweet, slightly too sweet? You didn't give that any mind though, just drinking the warm liquid. "Mhm, this is good."

"Anything for you, sweet girl."

You suddenly felt very sleepy, eyes beginning to close. You hadn't been this tired before, right? "Sleepy.." You mumbled, body feeling heavy.

"That's okay, baby, let's get you to bed."

She took the mostly finished mug out of your hands, washing it up in an instant before slipping an arm around your waist and guiding you up the stairs. If you had been more aware, you would have noticed more of your surroundings. The pretty decor, the cosy feel of the house, but you weren't in any state to admire any of that.

"Poor thing.." She murmured, and led you into a bedroom. You collapsed on the bed, yawning softly as you curled up. You could smell the sheets, just the same as Wanda's scent. You smiled to yourself before realising you must be in her bed. You woke up a little more.

"I thought I was going in your spare room?"

She smiled knowingly, laying down beside you, pyjamas already on from before. "It's okay, baby, mommy wants you here." She whispered, pulling the sheets over your clothed body. "Don't worry about anything."

You tried to think straight, to wonder why she had called herself 'mommy', though you found that you didn't care at all. Your mouth felt dry all of a sudden, and you licked your lips, seeking out something you didn't know you wanted.

"Do you want to nurse on me, baby?" Wanda's voice was floating around you, through the clouds of sleepiness. You didn't want to ask what that meant because before you knew it, she was guiding your head towards her chest, where she had pulled down her night shirt to reveal her breast.

"Suckle, sweetheart, I know you want it."

You nodded mindlessly, your lips latching onto her nipple, sucking gently and humming when you felt the sweet taste of milk. Could life get any more perfect than this, you wondered.

"That's it honey, go to sleep. Mommy will be right with you."

——

[midnightmah07]

Template can be found here.

Background & Personality:

Maisie is sweet, energetic, kind and empathetic, some people would even describe her as naive... Which couldn't be farther from the truth. She's born into a wealthy family that taught her and her sister everything there is to know about music and art, and just like her older sister, she pursued a music career at an early age, being known for her angelic voice. Still, despite her sweet personality and loving persona, Maisie can be very feisty to those who test her patience and wrong her or her loved ones; as she puts it: "my good opinion once lost is lost forever", which makes her susceptible to holding grudges.

Maisie is the youngest of two sisters, having an 11 year age gap with her oldest sister, and she's the aunt of Grace — @4necdote's OC. Grace and her family lost their fortune for a few years due to her sister's music producer taking advantage of them; during this time, Maisie did her best to support and help her family in every way, shape and form, working herself to the bone despite her young age to make sure they were safe and sound. Once her sister fell in love with a good man and got her fortune back, Maisie remembered her childhood dream of falling in love and building her own family, her own romantic fantasies that were once lost and locked deep into her subconscious due to what happened to her family came flooding back into her heart after this. Still, despite this, the damage of what happened to her sister made Maisie more wary of people in general, making her too difficult to please and really picky when it comes to her romantic partners, being scared of opening her heart to most people that weren't her family.

Fun facts: Maisie is a jazz singer, and despite being well-known, she's less famous than her older sister, who's an opera singer; Maisie is often mistaken for being much younger than she actually is, and it's one of her insecurities; Maisie has only had 1 boyfriend despite her age, due to her unrealistic standards, and her first kiss was awful and she prefers to not talk about it please; she's albino

Basic info:

Height: 160cm

Age: 25

Nicknames: Mai (by friends and family), Whiskers and Ribbons (by Fellow)

Birthday: December 11th

Dominant hand: left

Favorite food: sole meunière

Occupation: singer

Hobbies: playing the piano, painting

Homeland: Shaftlands

Unique Magic: [to be added]

Relationships:

Grace ( @4necdote's OC): Maisie is Grace's aunt, but due to their small age gap, Maisie and Grace feel more like two sisters. They're very fond of each other, especially because of the period of time where Maisie had to take care of her family; Grace is often referred to as Maisie's favorite nephew, and Grace is always the one to receive Maisie's clothes when she needs to get rid of her old ones. Maisie usually tries to give Grace advice, and despite her lack of experience, she's usually wonderful at helping Grace with her romantic life, helping her realize her feelings towards Floyd once she complained about the boy to her aunt.

♡ Fellow Honest: because I still need to know more about Fellow due to not knowing the full story of Playful Land, I can't go into detail about their story, however! Fellow and Maisie are exes, him being the only boyfriend she's ever had. His playful demeanor and charming persona managed to sweep her off her feet, and Fellow genuinely fell for Maisie as well... But due to issues relating to Fellow's life, Fellow betrayed her trust and they broke up, but both of them still have strong feelings towards each other.

Gidel: Maisie had, and still has, a soft spot towards Gidel. She sees him as a sweet and wonderful boy, and often encourages him to seek his dreams and grow as a person. Gidel clings to her and views her as an older sister, and because of this he was deeply hurt once they had to part ways due to Fellow and Maisie's breakup.

Vil Schoenheit: after learning he's Grace's housewarden, Maisie keeps an eye out for him in order to know if he treats her nephew well, and upon learning about his personality and how he treats others, Maisie is very pleased with him, even taking an interest in his work and complimenting his acting and singing in the times she manages to see him.

Floyd Leech: Maisie finds Floyd... Interesting, to say the least. Despite this, she can see how much he cares for and loves her nephew, and because of that she gives him his full support, often helping him out and making ways for them to spend time together, much to Grace's dismay.

Sam: Maisie and Sam are childhood friends. They went to school around the same time, and Maisie was a victim of many of Sam's tricks and schemes — although they were all made with light hearted intentions. Although they went to different schools, they saw each other rather frequently and keep in touch even today, Sam sometimes attending her shows and Maisie making sure to advertise his business whenever she can.

Crewel: Maisie met him when she grew up through Sam, and they hit it off right from the get go. They usually talk about fashion together and often shop together when they want to catch up, and at some point, Crewel tried making attempts to flirt with her. Unfortunately, due to still having feelings towards Fellow, Maisie wasn't able to reciprocate, so their relationship is purely platonic, however Crewel wouldn't mind taking her on a date if she ever decided to give him the opportunity.

Character reference:

[sheerfreesia007]

Tease Me

Pairing: Jeongin x Reader

Word count: 3,918

Content warnings: Fluff

Summary: You and Jeongin have been childhood friends who grew up together both having a need and desire to prove yourself to your families. What happens when Jeongin’s flirting becomes a bit too much for your growing feelings for him?

Paperwork littered your desk as you huffed softly while staring down at one of the reports from the management team. It hadn’t been your week and you were looking forward to the end of the day already and it was only eleven in the afternoon. Between having to halt a whole production line for one the company’s newest products to having to fire a leak in your public relations team you were ready to call it a day.

The phone on your desk beeped causing your tired eyes to dart over to it to see that the light next to your father’s extension was lit up and blinking. You sighed softly wondering what he could be calling you about as your hand reached over and snatched the phone from the cradle. You took in a soft breath hoping that it wouldn’t be another problem for you to have to deal with.

”Yes, sir.” You answered trying to keep the exhaustion out of your tone. You knew that if your father got any wind about the issues you were having with your section of the business he’d be all over it and taking over which was the last thing you wanted. You had worked hard for the past seven years of your adult life in the family business and felt you had finally gotten your foot holding in your position, you didn’t want your father to ever think that you couldn’t handle it. You took great pride in your work and if he ever thought for a second that you couldn’t do it it’d crush you.

”Darling, do you have time to go out to lunch with me and a visitor?” Came your father’s soft excited tone echoing over the line. You frowned softly knowing that he had you on speakerphone and whoever was his “visitor” was no doubt in the room leaving you with little choice but to accept his lunch invitation.

”Of course. Can you give me just ten minutes to finish up? I can meet you wherever you want to go to lunch.” You respond softly knowing that this lunch would most likely set you back a few hours of work but knew that there was no other option for you right now.

”Actually why don't I send my visitor to keep you company? That way I know it’ll only be ten minutes of work before you leave.” Your father says amusedly and you sigh softly while rolling your eyes at him. He knew you too well and knew that if he didn’t send someone to be accountable of you it would probably completely slip your mind to go to lunch.

”Send them over then.” You say before hanging up the phone. You only spare a brief moment of thought to who it was that your father was so excited to go out to lunch with before turning back to the report.

*-*-*-*

You probably should’ve asked who the visitor was you thought as you lifted your head from your desk at the soft knocking on your office door. Your eyes widened slightly as you spotted the tall man standing behind your blushing assistant. His grin was wide on his face and his eyes were nearly closed with happiness as he stared at you. Yang Jeongin, a long time family friend that you had grown up with over the years stood there practically vibrating with happiness and excitement to see you.

From his position behind your assistant you can see he’s dressed in a simple black suit with a pressed white button up shirt, his normal attire whenever he comes to visit your family’s company. Jeongin had made a name for himself after his older brother had taken over the role of owner at his family’s business and had started his own company as a consultation agency for anything business related. Your family had used him and his knowledge for most of their business decisions. In fact because you related so much with the man you had used him almost exclusively for all of your major business decisions, always wanting his opinion because you valued it so much.

The two of you had always been close even if you were closer in age to older brother, there was just a connection between the two of you and your age gap though small had never been a problem for him. In fact he seemed to love that you were older than him, if all the flirting he had done since you were both teenagers was anything to go by. Yang Jeongin had always been a flirt when it came to interacting with you, it was a great distraction for you whenever you were so lost in the business. You had never taken him seriously whenever he flirted with you since he had been doing it since puberty, you always imagined you were practice for him since you were the closest woman he had in his life. And you were fine with that really, only a few times had he tripped you up and made you actually believe his lines. But you were quick to brush them off even if you were flustered. It hadn’t really become a problem for you until one night at his parent’s 50th anniversary party he had laid the flirting on thick and had your head and heart in a dizzying dance with your reasoning. That night something had changed for you and while you wouldn’t pay much mind to his flirting after that night it still confused you and made your heart flutter wildly in your chest.

”Miss, Mr. Yang is here to see you for lunch.” Your assistant says softly as she slides to the side to allow Jeongin room to step into the office which he does with a brief nod of his head at her before focusing back on you. His eyes eagerly take you in as he grins even wider, his top front teeth peek out and bite down slightly at his plush bottom lip and you smirk at him while shaking your head, he was already starting and it made your heart sing inside your chest.

”Thank you.” You respond to her before you step around your desk and meet Jeongin in the middle of your office as she walks out and closes the door behind her. You smile fondly up at him before stepping into his open arms and hug him tightly, your body flinches slightly at the feel of his hard stomach and chest against your body. When did he develop that? You look up at him when you feel his arms tighten around your body and pull you flush against him. The look he’s giving you isn’t entirely seductive but it’s damn well close enough as your heart thuds in your chest and your breath stutters in your lungs.

”Hi Noona. You get more beautiful every time I see you. Soon it’s gonna be too much for my poor heart.” He breathes out softly and you chuckle at him wondering if he knew what he was doing to your poor heart.

”Hi Innie. It’s been awhile huh?” You ask him teasingly as you use your childhood nickname for him and watch as his neck flushes slightly before he smirks down at you, just being able to get that reaction out of him has you beaming proudly up at him. He’s grown taller still and you’re reminded how much taller he is than you even when you’re wearing heels, the image of him hovering over you makes your core fill with warmth and pleasure much to your embarrassment. Normally he wouldn’t affect you this much but you had to admit that with the drastic change to his physique and the confusing change from that night had your head spinning.

You move to step away from him to go back to your desk and your work but he keeps you firmly in place pressed against him as he dips his head and nuzzles into your neck. You flinch at his movement as his nose brushes against your skin and you make a noise of complaint that has him chuckling but it’s all for show since you don’t want him to know how much he affects you. You doubt his true intentions of flirting with you and you’re trying your best to keep your footing in this confusing relationship.

”C’mon Noona, I haven’t seen you in months and you immediately want to get out of my hug?” He whines to you and you huff loudly before wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders trying to tamp down the pleasure that flares within you at the feeling of his body under your fingers. This was the norm for him, even with the flirting whenever the two of you would go without seeing each other for a long time the hugs would be extra long to make up for missing each other.

”Fine, fine. So whiny.” You grumble out and he chuckles loudly at your teasing as he settles his arms low around your waist where his hands hang from your body at the lowest part of your back. You can feel his fingers ghosting against the bottom part of your dress’ zipper and you scowl softly at him while he looks at you with a shy grin.

”You look beautiful Noona. Tired but beautiful.” He says knowingly and you smile softly as he picks his head to stare down into your face.

”I’m in charge of my own section of the company now Innie, of course I’m tired. You should know all about being in charge, you’ve got your own company to run.” You tell him proudly and tease him. He beams happily at you as he squeezes his arms around your waist, your brain short circuits for a second at the feel of his muscles flexing against your body and take in a quiet breath that has him smirking down at you.

”I’m always in charge, gorgeous.” He teases and it has you shaking your head at him while he smirks still. You huff softly at his proud confident attitude and he chuckles once more before nuzzling his nose into your neck again. “You know, you’re the only woman who’s withstood all my flirting. No matter how much I try I can never get you to cave to me.” He laments softly and you shake your head at him

”Because I know you don’t mean it Innie.” You respond knowingly as you try to hide your disappointment and he frowns softly down at you without you seeing his look.

”What makes you think that?” He asks suddenly, sounding serious. You look up at him and blink a few times, thrown off by the question before you smile softly and shake your head.

”Innie, you’ve been flirting with me since we became teenagers. There’s no way that you mean it. I’ve just been practice for you growing up and it’s just become the norm now.” You dismiss softly while still smiling at him, his eyebrows are furrowed slightly and you reach up to run your fingertips over the skin between them easing the crease there. “Now come on, let me finish up my work so we can go to lunch.” You remind him and he nods his head while slowly releasing you from his hold.

You walk over to your desk where the report is waiting for you while Jeongin moves to sit in one of the chairs sat in front of your desk. He rested his elbows on the arms of the chair and clasped his hands together while resting his mouth against his hands. You smiled softly at him before nodding and turning to the report once more, you were eager to get this work done so that you could enjoy your time with him. It had been too long since you last saw him, almost five months.

”So tell me what have you been up to since I last saw you?” You asked him fondly as you peered over the report once more, you leaned over your desk with your pen held in your hand as you began to make corrections to it.

”Just been busy with the company, we managed to land a huge consulting contract with Bahng Corporation.” He said, sounding bored and your head snapped up to stare at him with wide eyes, that was an impressive accomplishment.

”Innie! That’s amazing!” You said proudly of him and he smiled softly at your praise.

”It’s just another contract for work.” He said with a shrug of his shoulders.

”Just another contract, you’re too cool about this Innie. That’s so impressive, how are you not yelling it from the rooftops?” You asked incredulously and he grinned at you causing you to scoff at him. “Let me guess, you already did it from your family’s company rooftop?”

”You know me too well Noona.” He said with a smirk. “Wish you knew my body just as well.” He teased and you chuckled while shaking your head.

”Speaking of which, when did you start working out? I felt those muscles during our hug, and I’m pretty sure my assistant already caught a look.” You teased him and he smirked dangerously as he leaned forward on his knees now staring at you with a heated look in his eyes.

”You liked feeling them pressed up against you Noona?” He asked in a sultry tone that made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up as you watched him like a cornered animal. Your body flushed with the memory of feeling his hard muscular stomach against your own and the feeling of his toned arms wrapping around you had your head fogging up with desire.

”I-I didn’t say that.” You answered shyly as you felt your face flush with warmth. Jeongin smirked as one of his eyebrows raised as his eyes tracked your fidgeting movement from behind your desk.

”You didn’t have to say it out rightly. I know I’m hot now Noona, you can admit it. I won’t tell anyone.” He teased and you blushed even hotter as your head suddenly dipped back down to the report. You quickly finished the corrections before slipping it into the inter office mail folder and stood straight behind your desk. Jeongin was still watching you with that predatory look on his face that made you self aware and slightly nervous at his attention, but you huffed at him before straightening your spine and grabbing your textured gray clutch. 

“C’mon let’s get going, Dad’s probably waiting on us.” You said to him not bothering to see if he would follow you as you made your way to your office door. You grabbed your coat from the coat rack and moved to slip it on but Jeongin was there already gripping the coat and slipping it over your arms and settling it onto your shoulder with gentle hands. He gripped your shoulders suddenly and tugged you back into his broad muscled chest before wrapping his arms low around your stomach and nuzzled his face into your neck just breathing you in for a moment.

”I missed you Noona.” He said softly and you smiled softly at his affection before resting your head back on his chest.

”I missed you too, Innie. If you don’t have plans, do you want to spend the rest of the day together? I don’t have anything else pressing today and could do with getting out of here early.” You suggested fondly to him and flinched slightly when you felt his grin against your neck.

”I would love to.” He responded warmly before releasing you from his hold. He then stepped around you and opened the door for you, making you smile warmly up at him.

”Always the gentleman.” You teased him and he grinned at you while leaning down towards you.

”Only for you Noona. Only for you.” He flirted and you beamed up at him playing into it slightly before tapping his cute nose. The two of you then walked out of the office to head to lunch with your dad.

*-*-*-*

Your laughter mixed with Jeongin’s later that evening as the two of you sat on your sofa reminiscing about your adventures as kids while the tv played a drama in the background. The two of you had enjoyed spending lunch together with your dad who you both had teased and taunted about everything. Your dad had given up halfway through lunch laughing that he couldn’t handle being ganged up on anymore before he paid for your lunch and told you he’d see you for Sunday brunch at the house.

After that you and Jeongin had spent the rest of the day walking around town just enjoying each other’s company. You had forgotten how easy it was to relax around Jeongin and just be yourself instead of having to always prove yourself to him. It was refreshing to say the least and made your time with him that much more precious to you.

Looking over at him you smiled warmly at the man before taking a sip of the wine you had opened for the two of you, Jeongin was leaning back in his seat on the couch his shirt sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and the top two buttons were undone giving you a glimpse of his light gray tank top he wore underneath. You could no longer deny your attraction to Jeongin as the alcohol flowed freely through your veins and you soon found yourself staring at him with hungry eyes that danced up and down his now leaner muscular physique.

”Yah, what trash.” Jeongin spits out in a slightly annoyed tone as he gestures towards the television causing you to immediately swing your eyes to the screen. You face flushes with embarrassment and desire for the man next to you as you try to focus on the drama playing.

”What’s trash?” You ask confused as you watch two people kiss on the screen.

”It never works out that way in real life.” He states irritated and you frown at his words before turning to face him.

”Are you having issues in the love department, Innie?” You ask, chuckling softly at his predicament.

”Only with the one that matters.” He gripes out and you blink rapidly at his serious words.

”I didn’t know you were serious about someone.” You say softly and frown concerned as you realize that you might be taking his time away from said woman.

”Noona I’ve only been serious about one woman my entire life and she’s too blind to see it.” He states and you look over at him as worry now plagues your mind.

”Then why are you here with me?!” You ask him as your worry rings through your words. He turns his head to see your wide worried eyes staring at him bewildered and he smiles softly at you.

”Are you worried for me Noona?” He asks teasingly as he smirks at you with that dangerous look on his face once more and you shake your head quickly as you watch him set his wine glass down on your coffee table before he begins to crawl across the couch to you. You stare at him with even wider eyes as he takes your wine glass from you before gripping your ankle and tugging you down to lay on the couch underneath him.

”Innie if you’re having issues with a woman you shouldn’t be here.” You say still concerned for your best friend. Your hands come up to his chest and you mean to push him away but when your fingers graze his chest he shivers over you while his eyes heat with desire swirling in them.

”And what if that woman is you Noona?” He asks softly as his hand comes to gently graze one of his fingers down your face. You gasp softly at his touch and your fingers clench around the material of his button up shirt.

”What?” You asked dazedly and your eyes try to focus on him as your thoughts swirl from the idea that he means you. “Me?” You ask still bewildered and Jeongin chuckles softly before dipping his head to bury it in your neck.

”Yes you, Noona. I’ve been in love with you since we were kids. But you’ve never seen me that way.” He laments to you and you scoff at him.

”Lies.” You retort and he picks his head up to rest his chin against your sternum as he stares up at you from beneath his pretty lashes. Your hand comes up to cup his face and you smile bravely at him, the wine has loosened your tongue slightly and lowered your inhibitions enough for you to feel brave enough to confess. “I’ve had these confusing feelings for you since a few years ago, but I was never able to tell if you were just flirting with me because you’ve always done it or if you were truly trying to flirt with me.” You confess quietly to him and Jeongin’s eyes widen at your confession.

”Since when?” He asks insistently suddenly and you furrow your eyebrows at his stern tone. “Since when?” He asks again and you pout your lips slightly not wanting to confess to him how long you’ve felt this way about him, but with the way he’s looking at you there’s no choice for you other than to tell him.

”The night of your parent’s 50th anniversary.” You answer and Jeongin beams up at you.

”That’s because that was the night I made a promise to myself that I’d finally get you to realize that I was being serious about you.” He said softly with a wild look in his eyes. “Noona, I am serious about you. I have been for a long while. If you gave me a chance I can show you how serious I am about you. How in love with you I am, how much good I can be for you.” He says seriously and you stare at him with wide loving eyes as your body begins to melt at his sweet words.

”You’re in love with me?” You ask softly and he rolls his eyes at you teasingly.

”Since I turned thirteen.” He confesses and you gasp softly at him as he smirks at you. You reach up and grab ahold of his face before pulling him down to you as your lips press against his lovingly. He moans loudly against your mouth as he sinks into the kiss with you before he pulls away with a shake of his head. “Not like this.” He gasps out as his forehead touches your own. “We’ve been drinking and I want you completely sober for this. I want you to remember exactly how I break you apart and then put you back together.” He husks out to you causing your mouth to fall open with desire.

”Innie.” You whine softly at him and he chuckles darkly.

”You’d like that huh, Noona?” He asks sultrily and you hum softly before biting your lip. “Give me one chance.” He pleads with you.

”Yes.” You gasp out and he beams down at you.

”Then let’s get you to bed. I have a feeling we’re going to be awfully busy this weekend together.” He teases hungrily and you eagerly nod your head at his instruction before he pulls you up from the couch.

SKZ Taglist: @intartaruginha

[determinate-negation]

How does one argue against science denialism without falling back on what basically amounts to positivism?

when i criticize positivism im mostly coming from the critical theory position on positivism as a tendency in the sciences that, under capitalism, erases the dynamic, dialectical, mediated nature of things to just pure facts or data, essentially “reduces the world to be its own measure” as they say in dialectic of enlightenment. basically a type of vulgar focus on empiricism that claims to be completely objective and merely reflect the facts of reality, ignoring how our scientific knowledge is itself mediated by social relations, norms, historical conditions and ideology. so its not a rejection of science, and not a rejection of reason or the ethos of enlightenment outright, but a criticism of a negative development in the dialectic of scientific knowledge. and particularly a development that is frequently used by people to justify the status quo, naturalize social hierarchy, and claim all of this on a purely scientific factual basis. sorry to quote adorno but i think this sums up the tendency im mostly criticizing when i talk about positivism:

its resignation to what is so and not otherwise, in its elimination of the category of potentiality, and in its hatred of all thought that takes the possible seriously in its opposition to the actual.

so anyways since this is kind of the basis of my critique, i think its totally possibly to oppose science denialism and other irrationalist reactionary ideologies. like we can still say that the scientific knowledge many people have acquired and applied throughout the years (on climate change, vaccines, infrastructure, whatever) is legitimate and objectively proven while still recognizing that what we we refer to as the sciences is still much more ambiguous and socially mediated, especially in certain fields, than its most adamant supporters imagine. i think, at least, when ive read scientific literature, particular on neuroscience and stuff like that, scientists are generally very aware that scientific inquiry is a difficult thing and like different factors can change the results of studies drastically, issues with data collection, etc just that many things like this complicate acquiring scientific knowledge. whereas laypeople often seem to often see the truncated results of studies and polls as god given information. im sure we’ve all seen this happen on tumblr lol. i think the disconnect between how science is understood popularly vs how scientific research actually is contributes to an irrational distrust of science. if more people were actually aware of maybe the real processes of scientific research maybe there would be less skepticism when reality doesnt match up with vulgar positivist conception of science

[miwiheroes]

Bylers, we need to talk about something…

I’ve been having a lot of thoughts pertaining to what will happen in season 5 relating to byler recently, as have we all, but I’ve also been wondering about the audience’s reaction to it if it happens.

Actually, i’ve been more concerned not about the GA’s reaction, but our reaction to how they handle it. I just want to say beforehand, that I might be projecting my issues with negativity and conflict (i’m a very very optimistic person it’s rough being on social media these days lmao) and I also very much believe that they will make byler canon in some way or another. It just makes sense with the narrative. But I fear we will never be happy with how they do it and we never learn from our previous mistakes lmao

Before season 4 came out, I sort of was a fan of byler, but i was very very casual, as in I didn’t interact with many fan theories, I wasn’t on twitter (still not on there because I have a phobia of negativity eek) and I wasn’t on tumblr, I would occasionally check out the edits and fanarts and I think I was just Aware of it, because I always root for the gay ship to happen ofc..

So when season 4 vol. 1 came out I was excited about the direction they were taking byler, and I could see that it was finally canon that Will was gay, rather than theorised. When season 4 vol. 2 came out, I had not been on sttwt or st tumblr during the time between the volumes because I had other fandoms prioritised around the time. I watched the Van Scene with my parents and suddenly I was acutely aware of just how gay they were (because I always get scared of watching anything queercoded around my parents lmao).

By the end of season 4, I was like YES! this season was amazing for a byler set up next season, although i was more focused on other characters too. I then kind of saw the byler script stuff but not the full extent of it, and I saw many edits and fanarts of them but that was it!

Now it’s 2024 and I have a major hyperfixation on byler, (due to the season 5 bts and the fact stranger things keeps popping up on my fyp it’s crazy) and now I’m on byler tumblr (not twt tho .. sorry) to find all the evidence I can and get all hyped up for s5! But I’ve also seen old posts from around 2022…

Literally every single one was extremely disappointed from season 4 vol. 2, and I was confused, seeing as I was very happy with it and I liked byler (my fave byler scene is from vol. 2 and no it’s not the van scene). If I’m being totally honest, and I might get some hate for this, I think we all had wildly, wildly high expectations and the disappointment was our own doing.

I personally never really judge a show before it’s finished (obviously not sitcoms and shows like that) unless it has really really terrible writing ofc, but I always choose to reserve judgement until all the character arcs are wrapped up and I can look back and see why things were made to be.

I understand the whole anger with Mike’s behaviour towards Will and how Will was treated poorly by him, but isn’t that the point? Mike loving Will back in season 5 would then be more satisfying after all that. It’s a set-up for the next season, no?

I don’t know why or how people thought that Mike would suddenly resolve all his internalised homophobia or something during that season, and I reckon if the whole season had come out at once instead of two volumes (i hate the two volumes thing sm omg) people would have been much happier because we wouldn’t have had time to create insane theories or unrealistic expectations that, let’s be real, were not in line with what we have seen so far with byler.

So, I just want to say that I’m a little afraid for season 5, because I know that byler will likely be canon, but people just won’t be happy because it won’t be in the exact way that they had theorised. Sorry to break it to you, but you, random person on tumblr, are not a screen writer. More specifically, you’re not a screen writer for stranger things.

I think it’s fun to theorise at the moment, but I just want to remind people that this pattern has happened before and we never learn? Like, none of our theories are coming true. Not one of them. Did I theorise the exact van scene? Did I theorise the part at the end where Mike grabs Will’s shoulder? No. But am I happy with those scenes? Hell yeah.

So on the build up to season 5, I just want to caution everyone to not assume that specific things are going to happen when it’s just a result of an echochamber (such as the milkvan breakup scene being right at the beginning or the painting being brought up). You’ll just be angry for no good reason.

The only reasons I’m personally going to be angry with how they handle byler is:

1. If it’s not canon and Will’s love goes unrequited/ he has another love interest somehow…

2. If either of them die after having a relationship during season 5 (bury your gays is stUPID)

3. If one of them dies before the other gets to tell them they love them/ kiss

4. If they get together without Mike apologising (it could be in literally any way, obvious or not) for his poor behaviour.

But that’s it, the rest of it is literally up to them.

Hope ur not too mad, but it just needed to be said.

[sugarrrvenomm]

is somebody gonna match my freak? // obi-wan x reader

sorry i couldn't help it with the title LMAO

word count: 3k

summary: this is disgusting <3

PS if u want me to make a taglist and would like to be on it leave a reply !!

In the beginning, Obi-Wan felt guilty; depraved. He was a Jedi Knight, had been a Jedi Knight for many years—while you still wore a braid in your hair. It wasn’t necessarily written anywhere that having sexual relations with Padawans was against the rules, but if he was being honest with himself, he knows that’s because it’s the kind of expectation that is so obvious no one thought it even needed to put in writing. Still, the fact that it wasn’t explicitly forbidden didn’t do much to quell his shame.

And in the end, his shame didn’t do much—or anything at all, really—to stop him from fucking you. 

In his defense, you made the first move. Drunk off the single glass of wine your Master had allowed you during the Temple’s Life Day celebrations. Anakin had slunk off to Force knows where, and Obi-Wan was content with standing at the edge of the grand banquet hall, making sure no one got too reckless, taking another drink every time a server-droid buzzed passed him, and watching you. 

You’d greeted him earlier, twirling in your little white dress that certainly wasn’t Jedi issued. It was becoming more and more common for younger Jedi to scrap together fabric into their own personalized garments—apparently it didn’t bother the Council enough to do anything about it. And it certainly didn’t bother Obi-Wan, especially when the fabric was so thin he could tell very easily you weren’t wearing a bra. 

“What do you think?” You’d asked, smiling with teeth as white as the dress. 

Obi-Wan had cleared his throat, biting back the first few entirely inappropriate responses that came to him, before answering, “You’re very creative.”

The way you deflated slightly, clearly expecting a little more, bothered him more than it should have, so he smiled as genuinely as he could, and added, “Go enjoy the party, little one.” And then you blushed, like you always did when he called you that. Without another word, you had turned on your heel and did exactly as he said. He’d be lying if he said the obedience wasn’t a turn on. 

All night he watched you, and when you finally started to drift toward the exit, he made sure to be there so he could ask, “Would you like me to walk you back?”

The yes he got in response wasn’t very surprising. The way you had kissed him at the door of your quarters was, though. Obi-Wan couldn’t even enjoy it—instinctively pulling back and looking around to see if anyone had witnessed it. No one had, but you were grabbing at his tunics, trying to get his attention, and he’d pushed you inside of your rooms with the intention fo simply getting the two of you away from any prying eyes that may come. 

And once the door slid shut behind the both of you, and you were truly alone—he couldn’t help himself. Obi-Wan leant down and pressed your lips together, groaning low in his chest, walking you back until you were against the door, and slid his tongue into your mouth so you could taste him. You made such sweet, little noises—some of surprise, like you’d never done this before, and that made him roll his hips, desperate to get any kind of friction on his thick, swelling cock. 

When he’d done that, you’d pulled back, blinking up at him all doe-eyed with your lips pink and swollen. “I’m a virgin,” you said, in one quiet breath. 

Obi-Wan was far from a virgin, but he certainly felt like one for a moment, the words arousing him so much he feared he might finish in his pants right then and there. 

“That’s alright,” he managed to tell you, cupping your pretty face, thumbs stroking your cheeks. “Nothing has to happen.” As much as I’d like it to, he left out. 

You’d sent him away with another kiss, and he wondered if when the morning came, you’d regret it. He never got a direct answer for that—you carried on almost entirely as if it had never happened when the two of you were around each other. If it wasn’t for Obi-Wan’s frequent replaying of the memory while he stroked his cock at night, he might have thought he imagined it.

Then, you were assigned a mission together. 

Obi-Wan knew Anakin found you tolerable at least, so he only gave him a warning to be on his best behavior—for most of the mission, the two of you only spoke when necessary, while Obi-Wan and your Master were more comfortable with each other. Or, used to be. Obi-Wan had trouble looking the other Jedi in the eye after kissing you. When the mission was completed, the four of you boarded the ship once more, Anakin in the cockpit navigating you away form the planet, while the rest settled in. 

Even while wrapped up in a conversation with your Master, Obi-Wan’s focus was on you. The other Jedi stood in front of Obi-Wan, so he couldn’t see what you were doing behind him, but Obi-Wan could. Obi-Wan could see the way you cleaned your lightsaber hilt, could see the way you removed the emergency medical supplies and rations from your belt and put them back in their proper place. 

Obi-Wan could see you bend over to take your boots off, and the way your panties clung to your little cunt. 

A Jedi in a skirt wasn’t a completely foreign sight, though most chose to wear leggings underneath. Obi-Wan had assumed you’d skipped them due to the heat of the planet, but had also assumed it was at least the kind of skirt with little shorts sewn in underneath. For practicality’s sake. He’d assumed wrong, of course. You had done this on purpose. There was no denying it when you turned your head to look at him, still bent over, and bit your lip.

As soon as your Master moved a muscle, you were up again, straightening yourself and bowing respectfully as he walked away to another area of the ship. When he was gone, you resumed your position, hands around your ankles. “I’m ready for something to happen now, Master Kenobi,” you said. 

Possessed, Obi-Wan took long strides to reach you as quickly as possible, grabbing your hips, thumbing your skirt up to see more of you. “I thought you were a virgin,” he breathed out, eyes glued to the place where your underwear hugged your slit, outlining the folds of your pussy. 

“I am,” you pouted, turning to look at him.

Obi-Wan ran a thumb over your center, his cock twitching. “Then how are you so fucking filthy?”

“Because of you.”

In response, Obi-Wan cursed, and cupped your pussy with a big hand. “Is that so?”

“Yes, yes!” You whined, and he let you rock yourself back, trying to make him rub you. “I always think of you when I—when I—“ you started, but you couldn’t seem to finish. 

“When you touch yourself?” Obi-Wan asked, taking his hand away as you nodded eagerly. He gripped your hips again, and pushed his own forward, after lifting his tunics out of the way so the bulge of his hard cock in his trousers could press snug and hot against your needy, covered cunt. “Me too, little one. Every time I touch my cock I’m thinking of you; of your darling face and this tight fucking virgin pussy,” he gritted out, humping against you with the last words, making you tip forward and claw at the wall in front of you. 

“Master Kenobi,” you mewled. “Please, touch me.”

Obi-Wan wanted to. He desperately wanted to. He wanted to pull down your underwear and have you right here, pop your cherry and make you his. But he couldn’t.

“I can’t fuck you, little one,” he breathed out.

You made a bratty, unhappy noise. “Why not?” 

“You’ll scream,” he bent over and whispered in your ear. 

♡♡♡♡♡

Eventually, Obi-Wan does take your virginity, and lets you scream all you’d like. Laid back in his bed, clawing at his hair while he rubs the drippy, pink head of his cock over your center, tapping your clit and barely pushing into your cunt. 

“Do you think it’ll even fit?” He asks. It’s not just dirty talk—he really doesn’t know for sure. You’re so tiny, and untouched, and his cock is quite big. Your eyes had gone wide when he first took it out, and he’d sat you on his lap and let you play with it until he couldn’t stand it anymore. Now, he sinks the tip of it into your pussy, and even as sloppy wet as you are, he wonders. 

“It will, it will,” you chant, trying to push down on it. Adorable.

He rubs a thumb over your clit to make you settle, then coos at you, “It’s alright if it doesn’t—little girls have tight, little pussies. You’ll just need practice, darling.” The words just pour out of him, so obscene he shocks himself a bit. It seems that all his guilt has turned into filth, and the very things he used to be ashamed of are now the very things he finds the most arousing. The braid in your hair, your untouched body, your innocence. 

Still, he indulges you, and as it would turn out, you were right. It does fit. It’s so tight that Obi-Wan feels as if his dick might break off, but that only makes him more determined to open your pussy up for him. As you cry and whine and chant his name, he fucks you into the mattress, pounding away at your cunt and groaning at the sounds the two of you make together; obnoxiously wet. 

What makes him come is the realization that you haven’t even inquired about a condom, not even once. Obi-Wan had a vasectomy years ago, but you certainly don’t know that. For all you know, he’s about to knock you up. In his mind, he sees you, sat on his lap with your back to his chest, letting him bounce you up and down on his cock, your sweet belly swollen with his baby. His cock pushes out another weak spurt when he imagines your Master walking in on it. 

With his cock softening inside of you, he rubs your clit and laves his tongue over your nipples. “Sweet girl, come all over me. I want to feel my little one come,” he orders. And you do; so obedient.

♡♡♡♡♡

Obi-Wan can’t stop taking firsts from you after that, especially with how you want it. Messaging him whenever you’re away from each other about how you can’t live without his cock and his tongue and his hands. Every moment your Master is away, you’re at his door, and Obi-Wan thanks the Force that Anakin’s teenage mood swings have led him to making himself scarce in their free time—it means Obi-Wan gets to have you however he’d like.

He gets you bouncing on his cock, just like he imagined, minus the pregnancy. His hands tucked under your knees, spreading you and opening you up so he can fuck you up and down on his fat cock until you squirt all over the mirror he’s set the two of you in front of. 

“Clean it up,” he tells you, pulling you off his cock and setting you on the floor. 

Without hesitation, you crawl over, and he’s torn between where he wants to look—your glistening pussy, pink and puffy from use, or your tongue, licking along the dirty mirror, unashamed. You do it so easily that he gets an idea, getting on the floor himself and stuffing himself back inside of you aggressively, fucking into you messily, watching the way your ass ripples until he’s about to come—then he quickly pulls out, stands, and tugs at his cock until his milky spend is dripping down the mirror. 

He grabs you by the hair and guides you to it, “Mm,” he hums, pleased at the way you moan and eagerly lick it up and swallow it all down. “Little come slut.” His cock is stirring to life again already, and he rubs it against your cheek, tapping your swollen lips with it. “Next time, I’ll fill you up and you can be my come dump, too.”

♡♡♡♡♡

When forced into situations with your Master, Obi-Wan really loathes how you obey the other Jedi so readily. He knows you should, and he knows he’s being unreasonable. It doesn’t stop him from ordering you to come to his quarters before your Master awakes, so he can swirl his tongue over the pretty little rim of the only hole he hasn’t touched yet. He moans against your skin, shoving his tongue inside of you and drooling all over his beard, lost in it until your com goes off, signaling that your Master’s awake. 

Obi-Wan can barely stand it—sending you away without coming, your precious cunt so soaked it’s surely going to show even through your leggings. 

It’s a consolation when he visits the training salles later and knows you’re going through all your katas with a plug in your ass, put there by him. Sparring with your Master while your entrance clenches around it and your pussy drools helplessly all the while. 

On the days there’s no time for such things, he strokes his cock while you’re on your way over. The only thing you do when you arrive is tug your panties down, and Obi-Wan comes all over the inside of them. He pulls them up your legs, smiling at the way they immediately become transparent and stick to you. 

“Does it feel yucky?” He asks.

You rub your thighs together and nod. “I like it, though.”

Pride swells in Obi-Wan’s chest and he kisses your forehead, while one hand reaches back under your skirt to massage your cunt, rubbing his seed all over your folds and the swollen button of your tiny clit. “Good girl. You keep that nice and warm for me all day, okay?”

You rock into his touch, and he sends you off with a smack to your ass. All day, he imagines you humping your seat during your lessons.

♡♡♡♡♡

Obi-Wan eats your pussy from the back, because you make him nasty like that. He bends you over a table in a dark corner of the archives and kneels behind you, shoving his face between your legs and trying to see if he can make you squirt in public.

He can. He sucks greedily at your clit and sends you an image through the Force of him doing this right in the middle of one of the Temple’s grand hallways, and you come so hard he has to take off his robe and sop up your mess from the table and the floor. 

Perhaps it’s a bit hypocritical, spanking you for such a stunt when you get back to his quarters, because really, it’s his own fault—but he does it anyway. 

“Naughty, naughty girl. You’re so filthy I’m beginning to think you’d let anyone do that to you. Is that true, little one? When I’m not around, do you flash your pussy to other Jedi? Is your little cunt so insatiable that you’d hump the boot of anyone that offered?” Obi-Wan knows none of these things are true; he knows as well as you do that you belong to him, but you blush so pretty and your cunt drips so much when he talks like this, so he always does. 

When your ass is red and you begin to cry, he pulls you into his lap and lets you rock against his thigh until you’ve calmed down. You suck on his tongue like it’s candy and rub your tits against his hairy chest.

Eventually, you pull back and pinch your own nipples, before pushing your breasts together and looking at him from under your eyelashes. “Do you think you could fuck me here?”

Obi-Wan throws you on the bed so fiercely he fears for a moment that he hurt you, but then you’re moaning and playing with your tits again, sticking your tongue out like a whore to beckon him closer. Rather than lube his cock up, he shoves it in your mouth and lets you wet it for him. You’ve gotten so good at this, you barely gag, even when your nose is buried in the auburn thatch of hair above his cock. 

When he fucks your tits, it’s more about the fact that you’ve asked him to do it, rather than the physical sensation of it. Sweet Padawan, little one, hugging her breasts around the cock of a man twice her age while she goes crosseyed and cockdumb. 

Obi-Wan’s mouth gets away from him, but he knows you love it. “Imagine if your Master could see you right now—he wouldn’t believe his little girl likes to suck my cock and empty my balls over her tits.”

He does just that, and then asks you to stick your tongue out again so he can take a holo of you, come on your tits and eyes glazed over. 

♡♡♡♡♡

“Think your cute little pussy can handle daddy’s big fat cock?”

He doesn’t know which one of you started the daddy thing, but it drives the both of you crazy. The fantasies where you just plain call him dad, he keeps to himself. 

You’re on all fours on his bed, and you reach between your legs to spread your cunt for him. 

“I can take anything you give me, daddy,” you say sweetly, and Obi-Wan knows it’s true. 

[randomspagetti]

{The End/A Compilation on This Project}

Summary:

I don't really like the climax I came up with at the time so I'll be adding a new version here. So if It differs from the images that's why, I feel like I made the pages during a time where I just wanted to get the comic over with so it kinda feels generic and half baked.

-

Starting from our last point, with the words of encouragement from the Light of Resolution and the steel force will to get his dad back, Choco manages to land a powerful strike, surprising the ancients and phasing Berserk Cacao.

This leaves space for the ancients to also be able to help, Pure Vanilla gives both Choco and Holly buffs while Holly holds the line and protects them from incoming attacks. By doing so they're able to get closer. Finally, a combined attack is hit to where something finally seems to happen. It's powerful and cuts into the indoor wall of the citadel. The smoke dissipates and all that is left is just Cacao.

They're all pretty suprised, but Cacao still has some lingering curse corruption on his body and his breathing is shallow. Hearing the loud crashes from the room the watchers (and Caramel) run in to see the ... interesting situation that had unfolded.

We then cut to Cacao sitting in a hospital room, he had woken up a bit earlier and is trying somewhat to recall the events of the previous day.

Holly and PV soon walk in with mugs, not expecting him to be up. They're caught off guard but soon calm down and get to chatting. Cacao finally admits he's not really doing all so well with both his kingdom and his son over the course of the conversation.

He also sort of opens up about more sensitive issues he's been through, thought he doesn't hold that topic for long given it's just too much for him at the moment. Holly understands where he's coming from and offers some words of encouragement, while PV tells him they're going to look into something for the curse and to actually help Cacao mentally.

Cacao reluctantly agrees.

It ends a bit more open ended with your own interpretation of how Cacao deals with his issues being set, though there would be a few aftermath pages exploring the relationship with the characters shown after the events of the story, this one for example is Cacao and Choco doing pottery painting.

------------------------------------------------------------

Some interesting facts, and stuff I made that didn't make it into the final cut:

-In my discord server berserk Cacao was often referred to as "The enemy spider"

-I often used their hands (so many hand drawings) as a way to show more of their character, Holly has hand scars while PV has a redness around his nails from stress. I like to add a human aspect to each of them so the reader can relate

-Berserk Cacao has had so many iterations before the final one, I just couldn't decide what I wanted him to look like!

-Each character has a different way of showing their thoughts/flashbacks! Caramels are more center focused given her only thought in that flashback was of the loud crash, Choco's are blurry given his eyesight, and Cacao has flashbacks and thinks in grayscale! You can actually notice this more during the dinner scene, this has it's own reasoning but it's bit more darker

-Most of the sketches were 10x more funnier than the finished project but I had to make it realistic

-Affogato was originally going to make it into the comic as a background character, but I felt it was too OOC for him given his devious crimes

Onto the darker stuff-

TW: Implied Abuse, Blood

-Everyone knows about the cut panels but there was actually an entire page scrapped too, originally this would follow along with the Light of Resolution convo (I will now refer to it as the LOR) but I scrapped it for a few reasons.

-Firstly I felt like it didn't add anything and only just re-established something the reader already well knew from both Holly and Cacaos statements, secondly I just felt like it was OOC for how I wrote the LOR. The LOR is in part Cacao. He is Cacao's resolution made physical. This would be his story to tell because he is a part of Cacao. It is Cacao in a way. I also felt revealing his face felt kinda eh and just didn't fit. So for those reasons I chopped it

-Cacao's curse wound was actually bleeding in this scene, though it's a bit hard to see with the shaders

That's all! Thank you everyone for being on this journey with me, I appreciate each and every one of you, you truly helped me expand my art horizons

[longing-for-rain]

https://www.tumblr.com/atla-confessions/759438562978562048/zutara-and-azutara-both-agree-katara-would-have?source=share

Do a post on this please I don't have the energy

I see this sentiment a lot lately, and yes, it is frustrating. But I’m going to talk about it because it perfectly illustrates the way (kataang) fans take power away from Katara’s narrative and reduce her complexity as a result.

For those too tired to look at the OP (understandable) it’s an anon saying that both Zutara and Kazula would be problematic and harmful to Katara because the Fire Nation would never accept her, and that she and her family would always be in danger yada yada blah blah.

And honestly? I agree with that. It would be dangerous for Katara. But if you think that would stop Katara, you fundamentally don’t understand her character.

Do you really think Katara is some poor little damsel who needs to be protected at all costs and sent away to live a quiet life in the countryside? No; that’s never been Katara. Katara wants to fight and she has never backed down from a challenge. It’s who she is.

Katara is the girl who left her home to travel across a war-torn world to chase even a chance that she could play a part in ending the war. She’s constantly putting herself in dangerous situations because she follows her heart, she does what’s right even if it’s a risk to her safety. The Katara we know from ATLA is not some demure, unassuming girl who would be happy to sit back and become known for her healing above all else while her friends fought in her place. Katara would have hated to see her future as it was written. She is loud. She is proud. She is a fighter.

Katara not only accepts a challenge; she’s eager for it. She’s strong, she knows it, and she isn’t afraid to use her power for good.

I know someone is going to jump in the comments and accuse me of “shaming” Katara for her “choices” (nevermind the fact that she’s a fictional character so every choice she makes isn’t her own; it’s a narrative chosen for her by the male writers) but I’m not even saying that being a healer is inherently weak or bad. I’m saying it’s not Katara.

It’s a shame that so many people are willing to overlook the butchering of her story just because they’re so protective over canon and are completely unwilling to engage with it critically.

This sentiment reflects the issues many fans have with canon kataang, because it’s a very common misogynistic trope in media. A female character can be strong, but it’s only temporary. We can see her fight and triumph, but at the end she’s expected to give that up for marriage and motherhood after the war. Her identity is reduced to her relation to a man. She isn’t expected to retain her strength; she is expected to accept a quiet recognition while the world sings the man’s praises.

That was the fate of Katara in canon. And it is a disservice to her character. Katara would have wanted to continue to fight, because the fight wasn’t over. Anon’s recognition that Fire Nation nobility would have an issue with her holding power shows they understand that too. So why do you think Katara would be fine with sitting back and letting that happen? Why do you think she’d let that scare her away? Not my Katara.

Especially when love enters the picture. Let’s say Katara did canonically love Zuko, or Azula, or anyone outside of her nation for that matter. Yes, it would be more difficult for her. But do you really think Katara would back down for that reason?

In fact, do you realize how insulting it is to imply that she should to anyone in an interracial relationship? Or a same sex relationship? Yes, societal pressure and bigotry make them more difficult. But it doesn’t make them wrong. And the idea that it’s selfish or wrong because it’s endangering the family is insulting.

Especially in the case of Kazula. The Fire Nation is canonically homophobic. There would be danger and backlash for any same sex relationship, especially involving a member of the royal family like Azula. So…what then. Are gay people supposed to stop existing? Is Azula supposed to just never date or marry because it would be too dangerous?

Yeah, no. 0/10, trash take, do better.

(This part is mostly a joke but I also want to point it out)

The anon also implies that Katara’s canon relationship (with the Avatar) wouldn’t also carry the same risks. Which it would, probably even more so. Katara could be used as leverage against Aang by people trying to get to him. I mean, it already happened in canon.

And quite frankly, Aang was pretty useless at protecting Katara in that situation. Look at his face. Literal baby goo-goo-ga-ga shit. She’s lucky Fong wasn’t willing to actually kill her and that she was safely underground when Aang had his Spirit Tantrum because she would have been dead meat. So if your argument is that poor helpless little Katara would be sooooo much safer with Aang, I’m really not convinced.

If you’re going to decide who to ship Katara with based on who can protect her from danger the best, well…

I’m just saying 🤷🏻‍♀️🍵

[notmeowse]

Solavellan ending and why I hate it

Major Veilguard endgame spoilers under the cut.

I beat the game two days ago and I haven't been able to stop thinking about that ending. I'm not going to get into the rest of the game's flaws. They've been covered at length. But all of those issues aside, the one perfect, untouchable thing I thought I had left as the game drew to a close was the Solavellan ending. After all, Trick wrote the original Solavellan romance and the incredible continuation of it in Trespasser. As lead writer, they were directly responsible for making it happen. I thought we had this in the bag.

So on one hand, my favorite Dragon Age romance finally reunited and disintegrated off into the sunset.

On the other hand, he did not choose her.

This is what ruined it for me. I know a lot of people have issues with her sacrificing her life to join him in the Fade, but that was really a secondary issue for me.

What was the point of their entire relationship if, in the end, when it REALLY counted, he was never going to choose Lavellan over tearing down the Veil? Why did it take Mythal, who he actually killed in the last game in order to take her power, to convince him? Where's the romance in that?

This literally just turned into the story of Lavellan and the elven god who did not love her enough.

Okay, yes, the gamified reason it takes Mythal to convince him is because Lavellan was tacked onto an existing avenue of dealing with Solas rather than being given her own separate option, right? At the end of the game you have the choice to either fight him, trick him, or (if the Mythal-related criteria is met) invoke the essence of Mythal contained in the statue. No Bring Out The Big Guns, Lavellan option.

In my opinion, she should have been the fourth option, only available to players that have an Inquisitor that romanced Solas and encouraged Lavellan to reunite with him mid-game. It would have required about as much effort to do this as it did to have him turn her down once again (which, I maintain defeats the entire purpose of the story being told here). That would have been the absolute easiest fix to this fucking mess.

I understand why Lavellan wasn't counted among his regrets and therefore wasn't in the Lighthouse murals (because he doesn't actually regret falling in love with her) and I acknowledge that getting real closure from Mythal is important to Solas's story, and that it did have its place in that ending scene. Whether she was a lover or a mother to him isn't really the issue here -- it's the fact that she holds sway over him where Lavellan apparently does not. Despite the fact that, again, he killed Mythal in the previous game, despite the fact that he couldn't bring himself to kill the Inquisitor for the anchor, despite the fact that Lavellan was the one single thing in the world that made him really want to walk away from his plans.

(Why wasn't the "I release you from my service" a conversation had between him and Flemythal back in Inquisition? And why is that essence of Flemythal (who now exists in Morrigan) suddenly so chill and pro-Veil? Do we not remember the reckoning that will shake the very heavens? The She was betrayed as I was betrayed, as the world was betrayed? I will see her avenged? No payoff? None? There's so much wrong and bad writing to unpack there, but this is still a Solavellan post.)

Back to him wanting to turn away from his grand plan. The fundamental difference between Mythal and Lavellan, in my opinion, is the way each of them saw him. Mythal asked him to change for her, to leave the Fade, to commit atrocities with her out of love and service. Lavellan only ever loved him as a man, never once asking him to change for her, never asking him to be anything other than himself. In the time they were together, he was able to be the person he wanted to be. It took a very specific set of circumstances and a very specific person that had to fall into place for that romance to happen, which is arguably what made her so special, and what made their time together even more so. It followed, especially with what we know now, that he would want to drop his grand plan to be with her.

In comes Veilguard, which introduced a parallel between Solas/Mythal and Solavellan. In the second memory, we discover that Mythal never once chose Solas over her duty to elvhenan (even when he begged her to lay it down and run away with him) and dragged him along with her to commit unspeakable atrocities (in her words, she broke him). Solas (at that point in the game, when we were witnessing the memories) had yet to choose Lavellan over his crusade, but quite literally loved her too much to bring her along with him. He would not let her do that to herself, he would not do to her what Mythal did to him.

Here's where I feel like I'm losing my mind, because I thought the point of that mural was to foreshadow him eventually choosing Lavellan, as he is very much not Mythal, and is very much looking for a reason to lay it down, to be proven wrong. I also thought the blurb in the Inquisitor character creation menu (who did you romance) was foreshadowing it, as well as the mid-game choice Rook can make to encourage her to reunite with him and change his heart.

So why didn't it happen? I can only assume because they didn't actually want to have any of our choices carry over, let alone the Solavellan option (which they should have realized from the start was a bad call and also fucking impossible to manage given that the game is a direct sequel to Inquisition). The fact that Lavellan is tacked onto an already existing scene rather than being given her own is evidence of this. However, even if she had to be tacked onto the Mythal scene and not given her own, a simple reordering of the events would have fixed the fucking ending. So it could have gone two (very easily manageable and not too much extra) ways:

Remove the part where he turns her down. Remove the entire thing. Morrimythal could have flown up to him before the Inquisitor even arrived on scene, we could have had our statue moment, and just when he thinks he's going to be all alone behind the Veil, Lavellan shows up, they reunite, and she goes with him. (Easiest way for Bioware to fix it imo)

Lav acts as the ace up our sleeve, a fourth option (and a second option to make him lay it down) instead of using the statue to redeem him. Mythal releases him from her service AFTER he chooses Lavellan, thereby releasing him from his guilt over her. I prefer this one. It should have been this. They could have walked away, they could have tied themselves to the Veil, either way works.

Now, I am among those that think the Veil should have come down, which would have rendered this entire thing moot, had it happened. But since Bioware is dead-set on maintaining the status quo in Thedas, it should have been this instead.

In writing this I wonder if I've been completely delusional over their relationship, but going by the reactions to this ending, it seems that what we got was not at all expected.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

I think what’s frustrating for me in ootp (which is still 100% my favorite book despite this) is how everyone treats Harry like his anger is childish/unreasonable. Like guys he watched a classmate get murdered last year (among other traumatic things). And then he was isolated a from everyone he cares about and forced to live with people who treat him worse than dirt. The fact Hermione is kind of scared of him when he thinks Sirius is being tortured in the DOM? Idk, it just never sat right with me. Ppl treat Harry like a loose canon or an angsty kid and it minimizes the real trauma he endured

I get what you're saying, but I think the way people treat him and his anger is very much in line with what we see from the Wizarding World. The Wizarding World doesn't really understand trauma or mental health as a whole. They have no concept of therapy of psychiatric care of any kind. The only mind treatment they have is to do with healing spell damage (like Obliviations or Legilemancy). So, it's a society that doesn't really know what to do with someone like Harry, they don't have the tools to help him and people around him just don't really understand.

Ron and Hermione care about Harry, but due to their own life experiences, they have no real ability to relate to him over his trauma and understand him. That's kinda the point in this conversation:

“Don’t sit there grinning like you know better than I do, I was there, wasn’t I?” he said heatedly. “I know what went on, all right? And I didn’t get through any of that because I was brilliant at Defense Against the Dark Arts, I got through it all because — because help came at the right time, or because I guessed right — but I just blundered through it all, I didn’t have a clue what I was doing — STOP LAUGHING!” The bowl of murtlap essence fell to the floor and smashed. He became aware that he was on his feet, though he couldn’t remember standing up. Crookshanks streaked away under a sofa; Ron and Hermione’s smiles had vanished. “You don’t know what it’s like! You — neither of you — you’ve never had to face him, have you? You think it’s just memorizing a bunch of spells and throwing them at him, like you’re in class or something? The whole time you know there’s nothing between you and dying except your own — your own brain or guts or whatever — like you can think straight when you know you’re about a second from being murdered, or tortured, or watching your friends die — they’ve never taught us that in their classes, what it’s like to deal with things like that — and you two sit there acting like I’m a clever little boy to be standing here, alive, like Diggory was stupid, like he messed up — you just don’t get it, that could just as easily have been me, it would have been if Voldemort hadn’t needed me —”

(OotP, 327)

They try, but they don't really get it. And after this conversation, they try more, and they make more of an effort to understand what Harry is talking about.

We see Sirius, who has his fair share of issues, understands and relates to Harry better from the get-go:

“Since when did someone have to be in the Order of the Phoenix to ask questions?” asked Sirius. “Harry’s been trapped in that Muggle house for a month. He’s got the right to know what’s been happen —”

(OotP, 87)

He understands Harry would want to know what's going on after being trapped for a month — he's in exactly the same boat, he knows.

“But if they do expel me,” said Harry, quietly, “can I come back here and live with you?” Sirius smiled sadly. “We’ll see.” “I’d feel a lot better about the hearing if I knew I didn’t have to go back to the Dursleys,” Harry pressed him. “They must be bad if you prefer this place,” said Sirius gloomily.

(OotP, 115)

He understands the situation with the Dursleys and wants to help, but has no way to do so. He can't make promises Dumbledore would override him on. He cares about Harry and has the life experience to relate to him.

As does Luna, who experienced her mother's death:

Harry nodded curtly, but found that for some reason he did not mind Luna talking about Sirius. He had just remembered that she too could see thestrals.

(OotP, 863)

The problem isn't that people around him don't care (I mean, some don't) but in the case of Ron and Hermione, they just don't get it. They're teenagers in a culture that just doesn't conceive mental health as a thing. Wizards happily let inmates in Azkaban go mad and drive themselves to suicide, it's even expected according to Fudge. It's not our world and culture, so I'm not surprised by it. This scene with Hermione also showcases it well:

“Well, it’s like Hagrid said, they can look after themselves,” said Hermione impatiently, “and I suppose a teacher like Grubbly Plank wouldn’t usually show them to us before N.E.W.T. level, but, well, they are very interesting, aren’t they? The way some people can see them and some can’t! I wish I could.” “Do you?” Harry asked her quietly. She looked horrorstruck. “Oh Harry — I’m sorry — no, of course I don’t — that was a really stupid thing to say —”

(OotP, 450)

It's not that she meant to say anything to upset Harry, she just didn't think it through. Didn't think about what her words actually meant until Harry brought it up. And that's really what it is. They don't understand, not really. At least not at this point in the books.

The ones I don't really have an excuse for are some of the adults in the Order. I mean Lupin, Arthur, and Molly should know better. I mean, Lupin is allergic to responsibility, so, I understand why he doesn't try to help in any way. But Molly doesn't seem to understand either, Molly, who lost both her older brothers to Death Eaters. I think in Molly's case, is that she mastered the art of pushing any emotion she doesn't want to feel down and she doesn't understand why Harry is feeling things and not doing the same because she's sure everyone is like her in that regard. She is wrong.

Her reaction to the boggart in OotP is the result of how she doesn't seem to really process her negative emotions which, again, results in her having no clue what Harry's going through. Molly is a result of a culture that's very unaware of mental health and who never really dealt with her own issues and fears from the first war.

So, yeah, I think the responses we see to Harry's trauma from other characters are just very in line with wizards' understanding of mental health. Which is close to none.

[tmwcs]

"Turn Around..."

One shot fic. (Not relating to any of the established series.) This is a bit different from what I normally draft up, kind of like the Robin Hood one shot, which is also a non-yandere fic like this one. Pls enjoy.

Thank you for taking the time and reading my stories and drabbles. To show your support, please consider donating into my ko-fi account ♥️

Warnings: Unprotected smut, breakup, lovers reunited, makeup sex, rough sex, a little bit of angst, taken for granted, apologetic make lead, regretful male lead, and drama. "Dont know what you got till it's gone" type vibe. not proofread but figured i'd get this out to keep yall busy until i get the next chapter of TO out 😉

Summary: You and Heeseung had a break up, despite all that has happened, you find out that you weren't the only one hurting.

“Hey.” he stands calmly at the door. You avoid making eye contact, too nervous and shy on what to say. A bit of a ridiculous notion considering you knew the man very well, dated for quite some time in fact, yet the lack of his efforts drove you to the point where you had to kill off the relationship, for our own happiness. The only issue was, that you’re not sure if you’re any happier now than you were when dating him. Nodding, you respond back with a soft “hey…” 

Walking in, his initiative causes you to walk back. He lets himself in and gently shuts the door behind, never breaking his sight away from you. You kept shifting your sight from one area on the floor, to another. He continues to take his steps forward, and you keep taking them back. Soon, he has you pinned against the wall. Palming the wall, one hand off to each side, he traps you in his arms and leans in, wanting to get closer. You dip down and swoop under his arm to get away freely into the open space, walking over to the living room, much to his grimace dismay. 

Sitting on one end of the couch, you cross your legs and prop your hands up to rest your chin. Intent on avoiding eye contact, you look away and kept your face in the opposite direction. He walks over calmly and sits next to you. 

“Y/n….”

“Heeseung stop. Could you please just get your things and go? I’m not in the mood to talk.” you snap, rubbing your temples as you adjust your body to shift up and away, standing before the tall window, waiting for him to move along and to get out. But he doesn't. 

Looking up from where you were just sitting, he remains on the couch wide eyed and slightly appalled. Sure, he went along with the break up, even dabbled and went on some dates even though you both had just broken up merely two weeks ago. However, it didn’t mean that he wasn’t hurting either. He only went and saw other girls just to try and take his mind off of you, but how are you supposed to know? He left you no choice, you didn’t ever see your relationship coming to an end. You worked and tried to get through to him, but he never listened, so then you were left with no choice but to break things off, yet you couldn’t help but feel stabbed when his nonchalant attitude and response to your initiation was given, almost too easily, as if he was thinking about breaking up himself. 

Seeing you standing in that silk camisole dress, lazily covered with the matching satin short robe over it, had him feeling some type of way. How long has it been since he saw you like this? No makeup, hair laying freely and barely dressed. You looked so beautiful, stunning in fact, and yet your body language and attitude made you achievable for him to grab hold on. Did he really lose you for good?

“Y/N…” he tries once more, keeping a respectable distance away, so as to not add any fuel to the fire. “Can’t we just talk?”

That did it for you. NOW, he wants to talk? Now? After seeing a handful of girls, pretending like you no longer mattered after you presented him with the words “I’m not sure if this is working out…I wished you would just be more considerate, yet you just always put me off to the side. Maybe we should consider a brea–” 

Remember the tone he had in his voice, he cut you off and finished your sentence, almost as if he was eager and looking forward to the word…as if he was taking your initiation as an opportunity to end everything without having to do the dirty work himself. “Break? Yeah sure, I think that would be good for us.” he told you. Never once trying to figure out the meaning behind your initiative, nor did he ever try to fight for you. But now, it seems he had a change of heart, but you weren’t wanting to hear any of it. Not after having a string of girls by his side the last few nights. What were you? A rebound? Were you just a safety net since it didn’t work out with those girls? What is this? 

Turning away, you snapped in a harsh tone. “No!”

“What?” His voice was a little more firm, and he seemed a bit irritated by your attitude. 

“I said no. I don't want to talk.” 

“Why are you–” he pauses. “Y/n…you act like you’re the only one that is affected by all this. You’re not. I’m struggling too, you know.” 

“Yeah, I can tell. You’re hurting so much, how many girls did you seek out for comfort? Five? We’ve only broken up two weeks ago and you never once wanted to talk, until now.” 

Standing from his seat, he grew offended by your words and replaced his soft and gentle gaze with a more stern and harsh one. Walking over to you, he nearly traps you in as he breaches your personal space and begins to walk you back to the wall, again. 

“What? You think those girls meant something? Seriously?”

“Are you kidding me? Don’t pretend you’re hurting, you nearly jumped for joy when I brought up the idea of taking a break. You think I don’t know? Get over yourself Heeseung!” Turning sharply, you try to get away from him, but his movements are quick and he restricts your fleeing attempts by hugging you from behind. You struggle and try to break free, yet the moment he pushes forward with you grasped in his arms, shoving you up against the wall chest first and his chin resting on your shoulder, burying his face in your neck, you begin to falter, but mentally maintain your resistance. Taming you, he senses your physical strength decreasing front he struggles, and continues to push you in, resting you on the flat surface as he closes the distance between your backside and his chest. Stroking his thumb, he caresses your waist as he hugs tightly. With small brush strokes of his lip, he softly pecks on the soft area of your neckline. 

“Stop…” You whimper out, trying to ignore the beautiful sensation of how his lips felt gently kissing, and sucking on your skin. “Stop…please….get away…”

“You really want me to get away?” he mumbles, with a mouth full of your delicate skin in his mouth. “Then say it. Tell me in all sincerity that you want me to stop and I’ll leave.” 

With your arms pinned to your body by his embrace, you reach up and lean your palms against the wall, pressing your body against his. You tilt your head back, resting it against his shoulder, you didn’t want him to stop, nor did you want him to leave. But you had to be strong, for the sake of mending your broken heart. So, with a shaky breath, you whined out. 

“Get away…” you nearly whispered, your hair draping over your face and your robe coming undone, bearing the nakedness of your shoulders and cleavage. “Just…get away…”

A slight pause was present, before he leans in and resumes his efforts as he takes in a mouthful of your soft skin, just below your ear, this time he was less gentle and more rough in his manners. 

“I said no….” you whimpered. His arms tightened around your arms and waist, and he slightly lifts you before shoving you further up against the wall, pressing your cheek to rest against the surface before whispering in your ear…

“I don't believe you.” 

Shooting his hand around, he lifts the hem of your camisole up and fingers his way through panties. He called you out on your bluff and you didn’t seem to mind, because now you get to show how much you missed him, that you didn’t want to leave. You get to show him that you were hurting, and that he left you without any options or hope to continue forward, that you were just at the lowest part of your life. He knew it too. He wasn’t being his best self with you, in fact he was selfish and led you with so many false promises, it’s no wonder you proposed a break up. It didn’t hit him until you started to usher out those words, but before you could finish, he beat you to the punch, all because he saved himself from the heartbreak of hearing you say it, so he had to say it first. Figuring he would save himself by hurting you, then to be hurt directly, he found that it was all for nothing. Right after walking away and leaving you to go on your own, a sharp pain hits him inside, and he immediately regrets it. He regretted going with the flow, and letting you go so easily. Fact is, he turned around, wanting to run back after you, but seeing your backside facing him, walking in the opposite direction without so much as a glance back over to him, compelled him to look the other way and to move forward, after all, it seemed you had no trouble doing just that. 

Taking your hand, he intertwined his fingers with your own, his kisses became more passionate and his embrace became tighter as his hands roamed. God he missed you. He missed how your body felt against his, and how your skin tasted. He missed how you sounded when he kissed that one little spot on your neck, and how your body shakes when he touches you. He missed you too much. 

“Tell me you don’t want me to leave this time….tell me we belong…tell me…so I can do what I’ve really been wanting to do for the last two weeks…with the one woman I’ve been wanting. Tell me baby…”

Softly sobbing, you whimpered and gasped out, immediately trying to catch your breath as you cried out your words. 

“I never wanted it to end in the first place…” 

Peeling his head back, he stood slightly shocked at your words. Before he could ask questions, you finally let it all out. It was long overdue, and the most painful sense of release you ever felt. 

“Why couldn’t you just have turned around?....I stood…watching you walk away. I mentally begged for you to turn around and come back…but you just kept moving on…you left me crying….and I just had no choice but to finally do the same….you didn’t come back. What was I supposed to do? Stand and wait in that spot forever? And those girls?....I just knew…you didn’t care….” 

Your words hit deep and cut a wound that may never heal. He had no idea that you waited. He did turn back but he was too late…probably by mere seconds. The image he recalls of you walking away, was imagined with you displaying a calm and tranquil look on your face. Now, he understands that you made your way back home in tears that night, and longed for him to come back to you. 

He gulps. In a single brief moment, your entire relationship flashes before his eyes, and he realizes that not only did he not give you his best during, but he didn’t give it to you after. Yeah, he tried to get his mind off you by going on dates, but how were you supposed to know that? He started to think how his behavior must have looked to you…how hurtful it must have been to hear about his rendezvous while you were sitting here longing for him to come back. But what killed him in all of this was that, had he just been less attentive towards his friends and set his priorities straight, none of this would have happened. How many times did he come home and skip eating the dinner you prepared, all because he decided to eat with the guys after work. Or whenever you asked to spend time with him, and he promised you he would have another day, one where he didn’t have plans, yet that day never came. How many times did he wake up, shower, and quickly breezed through the kitchen and sees that you prepared breakfast for him, yet instead of sitting and eating with you, thanking you for taking the time to feed him, he picks bits and pieces off his plate and heads out while jutting out the words “see ya!” and quickly leaves so he could be the first in line at the coffee shop…that coffee shop…the coffee shop you loved yet he never took you with. He knew your favorite order yet never brought you back anything. He was always so focused in grabbing his drink and heading to work, where he could spend nearly the entire day chilling out with the guys doing what they love, spending a great deal of overtime, before finally calling it a night. How many times did he have the opportunity to come back home, especially after seeing all his friends dipping out to go back to their loved ones that were waiting for them…and yet he stayed back, opting to hit up buddies who were single and could spare the time, instead of coming back home to you. How many times did he come back home so late at night, finding you already asleep. How many times did he crawl into bed with you, and instead of hugging you and kissing you, he turns the opposite direction and falls asleep, leaving you to not only feel lonesome during the day when you’re awake, but at night when you’re asleep too. Just how many times…did he take you for granted? 

He didn’t have any words. He felt hurt…he felt a great deal of pain, and it was nothing that you did, you were great…you were perfect in fact. The one that hurt him was himself.

Remaining silent, he leans back into your neck. Shoving his lips against your ear, feeling the shrug of your shoulders as the oversensitive sensation of feeling his lips pressed against you was immense and triggered potent arousal. Whispering, he merely tells you “I’m sorry…” 

His soft whisper made you cry even more. Feeling you shake as you sobbed harder, he holds on tightly and kisses you on that soft spot again…and again….and again. Until your sobs turned into moans. Sucking on your neck, he reaches up and grabs onto your throat, gently but firmly holding on as he pulls your hips back. His free arm hugs your waist and tugs onto you, while his grab around your neck keeps your face and chest close to the wall. Pressing his groin against your derriere, he takes in a large whiff of your scent, that subtly sweet perfume that he liked so much…he missed it. The one thing he grew complacent in taking in daily, yet the moment he thought he lost it forever, he realized it was the most beloved scent produced in this world. The feel of your touch, your skin, hair, and your soft lips, was something he didn’t realize how much he loved. It had been longer than two weeks since he last felt you, growing too comfortable and spending more time away from you throughout the course of your relationship, it had been a while since you both were last intimate. It wasn’t that he didn’t love you or cared, he just didn't have his priorities straight. He just always thought that no matter what, you were always going to be around for whenever he needed or wanted you. But when was that? When did he express how much he needed or wanted you? When did he last make you feel appreciated and desired? More importantly, when was the last time he made himself available to you? Knowing that you wanted and needed him, yet he never was there for you. 

“God…I’m such a fucking idiot…” he hums out with a mouthful of your skin sucked in to his mouth. Lifting you once more, he flings you over and softly lands you on the couch, laying atop your backside as you rest on your stomach and chest. “He–Heeseung…”

“Why was I so fucking blind…” his words gasped out in a near whisper, it was gentle and calm, yet the manner of his physical touch was the exact opposite. Nearly ripping off your dress, the straps snap loose as he roughly pulls it down, and tears your panties off. Hanging by the bits of thread and pieces of fabric, it loosely hangs on your thigh while he smooths his hands over the softness of your smooth skin, grabbing onto your cheeks firmly as he squeezes your derriere. 

“Why did I not see what was in front of me?” Leaning forward, he places his lips on your back shoulder, and sucks on various regions. Firmly holding onto your waist, he fishes out his stiff member and rides it in between your cheeks, squeezing it to nestle in between as he strokes it up and down. “How could I not see that I had the best thing that’s ever happened to me?” Taking a hold on the back of your neck, he slowly feeds himself inside your cavity, pressing in. You weren’t entirely ready, and the lack of prepping made it hard for you to take him in, not to mention it had been so long. Yet his eager desire to have you made him impatient, he needed you now…he wanted you…he wanted to please himself but also, to please his queen. 

“Why did I not show you just how much you mean to me….why didn’t i do it sooner?” Thrusting in hard, his groin smacks against the soft plumpness of your cheeks, you screamed out as he rams himself in, reaching the depths of your gut as he pushes through all of your stagnant walls. Fully in, he pauses before continuing. He had to take a moment to enjoy the feeling of burying his cock deep inside you….after missing out for so long. 

“Why wasn’t I better for you?” Sliding out, his tip breaches its exit, providing you with some relief as you catch your breath, only for him to shove it back in with fierce momentum. “He–Heeseung!” Gripping onto the sofa cushion, you brace through the pressure of pain and pleasure as he roughs up your womanhood. He was being so demanding with the way he was thrusting, yet his words were so beautifully spoken with genuine sincerity and sympathy. He truly was sorry, and now, he wanted to show it, even if it meant he had to mix his love with fucking you into pieces. 

“Why didn’t I tell you how I’ve felt all this time?” Thrusting, he jolts forward and bucks his hips, causing your body to rumble and shoot forward, only to be retracted back as he pulls you in, all to repeat his performance in jutting his cock back into you deeply, shiting your body forward. 

“Why wasn’t I home often?” Thrusting and pumping his cock fiercely, you felt the sting of his thickness tearing you open. It had been too long, your body nearly forgot what it felt like to have someone, much less him, pelting you with their girth. Even though you were devotedly waiting for him, and yearned for him, he left you empty and unfulfilled so many nights, and you spent each evening alone and drifting off into a dream where you weren’t sleeping lonesomely on an empty bed. Now, he was here, and for the first time in so long, he was not only making love, but he was fucking you like his life depended on it. He didn’t want to take it easy, or slow, he wanted to go in deep and hard. He wanted his performance to match the ferocity of his love and yearning for you. 

“Why did I let you sleep alone all those nights? I should have been there to kiss you to sleep.” Deepening his thrust, the curved edge of his lengthy member hits your sweet spot. Soon, there was no pain, only the pressure of pleasure and ecstasy. 

“I should have touched you more.” increasing speed, he forces the moisture of your secreted fluids to squelch in and out. Your body gushes out, you could feel yourself releasing the warm liquid your body was producing, seeping out, and glazing his cock as he continues to fuck you. 

“I should have loved you harder.” Grabbing onto both sides of your waist, he pumps his cock in and out, faster and faster as he holds you steady. 

“I should have been better. I should have been so much better.” Slapping into you, his groin and thighs stains your skin red as he continues to slam himself in, going deeper and deeper. 

“I should have….fuck….baby you feel so good…I should have…I should have….” 

“Heeseung!! Ugh!” He continues with his pace as you reach behind and smack your hands over his, digging your fingers onto his wrists as you feel the snap in your gut release the high of your orgasm. 

“Fuck baby….you’re making me cum…..” 

Your body shakes uncontrollably and you scream out his name, which transitions into tiresome whimpers as you catch your breath. All the while he slows down, going in deep and slow, passionately slow. Admiring the view of his length smoothing in and out of your womanhood, he savors the feeling of releasing every bit of love, anger, sadness, and regret into you. Still thrusting, his thumbs stroke your skin and he bids you to answer. 

“Tell me you missed me…”

“....I missed you…” 

“Tell me you want me.”

“I want you…”

“Tell me you need me.”

“I need you.”

“Now tell me you love me….”

“....I love you….”

Leaning in, he rests his weight on top of you as he tenderly kisses your cheek. His cock remains buried in, and goes in deeper as he propels forward and lays atop your body. “Then turn around…and don’t let me go. I’ll do the same.” 

Enjoyed this piece? Show love and treat your girl to a cup of coffee. ♥️ 

☕ Ko-fi: ko-fi.com/reinbow

[stellar-solar-flare]

Hey, this is my first time sending you a request. I'm so glad that you're getting back in to writing.

Can I request Steve Rogers × reader based on Taylor Swift's Champagne problems but with happy ending please 💖 (I'm a sucker for happy endings)

Thank you for sending a prompt! I hope you like what I spun up. I'm definitely a sucker for happy endings, too, and I love Taylor Swift's music too, so this prompt was right up my alley.

Worthy - Steve Rogers/Reader

Mature - 18+ only!

You and Steve Rogers have been dating for a year. When a journalist is out to get you, you will have to stand together and come out stronger.

Romance, angst with a happy ending, fluff & hurt/comfort, protective Steve Rogers.

Word Count: 2,045 words.

Warnings: Press being nasty. Reader has unspecified past trauma and unspecified mental health issues as a result. Self-esteem and self-worth issues. Sexual content (not very explicit).

Alternate Universe: The Avengers Initiative (AI) continued SHIELD's work after its collapse to corruption, with Steve as the Head Strategist and Tony as the Director. The Avengers are living together in the Tower - Bucky has healed, and Civil War never happened because Tony and Steve worked through their differences like adults.

I do not own anything Marvel related or the Taylor Swift song. This is an unofficial fan work. No copyright infringement intended. This is a work of fiction. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events, is purely coincidental.

AUTHOR MASTERLIST | AO3

You heard the door of Steve’s floor of the Tower open and close and curled yourself up tighter against the corner of the couch as if doing so would make you disappear. You hugged your knees tight against your chest and hid your tear-streaked face from the world and your boyfriend, whose steps you now recognized even without seeing him.

Despite its impressive size, the piece of furniture refused to swallow you, and when Steve’s footsteps reached you, you were still there. Shame burned your cheeks. He’d come after you, even after you’d practically run out of the lovely, loud New Year’s Eve party upstairs, leaving mid-conversation while he’d been at the bar getting drinks. He would’ve had the courage to stand up. He wouldn’t have just run away.

“Oh thank god you’re here,” he breathed out, and you felt a pang shoot through your heart.

Steve deserved better than this. Wasn’t that the whole point?

“I’m sorry,” you murmured to your knees.

“Love, please, look at me,” he said, and the sheer pain in his voice gripped your heart and squeezed tight.

You managed to lift your face up to him and weren’t sure what to make of his expression. Sternness, as if he was preparing for an impact. Sorrow. Despair. God, you had done this to him. It was supposed to be a fun evening, with both of you dressed to the nines, Steve in a navy three-piece suit and you in a matching evening gown and in professionally done hair and makeup, which you were fairly certain had not budged even now.

“Can I sit down?” he said, and you nodded.

He lowered himself on the couch, and reached a hand towards you, stopping mid-air, and then letting his hand rest in his lap.

“What did she say to you?” he asked, and as you shook your head, continued. “Love, I need to know.”

You did not want to talk about this. You did not want to remember the journalist’s gleeful face as she’d oh-so-innocently dropped the fact that she had somehow gained access to all the things you had never wanted to become front-page news in the kind of gossip rags you certainly didn’t want to be featured in.

“She knows,” you sniffled. “She knows, and next week everyone will know I’m not worthy of you.”

“Hey,” Steve said. “Hey, come here. Please. Please don’t talk like that about yourself.”

You should not. You should let him go, be grateful that you’d been his for over a year, be grateful for everything you had been given, and accept that he deserved better than someone like you. As the journalist had so kindly said in between the lines. Someone with your history certainly wasn’t worthy of being the girlfriend of Captain America, or god forbid, Mrs. Rogers.

And yet, it was impossible to stop yourself, to rob yourself of the solace only Steve could give, the warmth, the safety. You went to him when he opened his arms, crawling into his lap and burying your face against his neck. For a few minutes, his palm just ran over the jewel-covered back of your dress. You’d felt so beautiful today, and now you felt thoroughly rotten.

“I’m sorry,” he finally breathed out after you’d stopped shaking — you only realized you had been shaking when it stopped.

He was sorry? What the hell was he sorry for? The sheer surprise at his statement made you lift your head and shift to straddle his lap so that you could meet his gaze properly. His hands settled to rest on your hips.

“Steve?” you asked, and the sigh that left him seemed to originate from the very depths of his soul.

“It’s my fault,” he said. “I… If it wasn’t for me, they wouldn’t be infringing your privacy. I’m a public figure, whether I want it or not, and you shouldn’t… You shouldn’t have to cope with anything like this because of that. There’s nothing, nothing to be ashamed of about what you’ve gone through. And I am certainly not ashamed of you. But you should get to choose whether you disclose it or not. And now you can’t, because of me.”

He was gritting his teeth, his jawline so sharp it could’ve cut bulled-proof glass, and it occurred to you that of course this would happen. Of course he would end up blaming himself for this, for failing to protect you from the bad side of being a superhero in the limelight.

“Steve…”

It broke your heart to look at him. You knew he was right about the fact that there was nothing to be ashamed of for having a bad past and having struggled with mental health and having needed therapy and other medical assistance because of that. But he was also right that it should’ve been your choice to talk about in public, if you wanted to.

“It’s not your fault,” you murmured. “I just… I shouldn’t be ashamed but I am. And I’m ashamed of that. And I just… When she started talking about it, I just panicked, I just had to get out of there. I’m sorry I left so suddenly.”

“It’s okay,” Steve said, the back of his hand gently swiping the tears on your cheeks away. “It’s okay. It’s private; I am so proud of you for everything you’ve conquered, and since there is no putting this genie back in the bottle, I will be so proud of you if you want to spin this into you becoming an advocate for it. But I will be just as proud of you if you don’t want to do that. It’s tough, having the public eye on you, and I’m sorry I pulled you into this out of my selfishness. She had it the wrong way — it’s me who is not worthy of you.”

“Steven Grant Rogers,” you huffed. “You stop that nonsense at this instant. You couldn’t control it any more than I could. I chose this. I am here because I love you, and I’ll be damned before some stupid gossip rag writer takes that away from me.”

He looked at your stern face, and his forefinger trailed the edge of your jaw — as if he didn’t quite believe you were there. There was an awestruck expression in his eyes.

“There she is,” he breathed out. “I love you so much. You are so strong. And you very much are worthy of me. More than I could’ve ever wished for.”

You swallowed. There was a light on his face, something so kind and pure that it was impossible to resist, breaking through the clouds of the earlier conversation.

“So you aren’t mad at me?” you said with a tiny voice, and the shock on his face shot through your chest — before he could ask, you offered an explanation: “I ruined our night.”

“She ruined our night, and I’ll make damn sure her press privileges to AI events will be removed,” Steve said through gritted teeth, and a very, very pleasant — if out of place — shiver shot down your back. “But I am not mad at you. Not in the slightest. I want to be with you — I loved you before you told me, and nothing about that changed then, or now. It isn’t something that defines you. And I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you.”

You let out a soft breath, resting your forehead against his. Adrenaline was draining from your body, the panic reaction settling as Steve’s comforting presence made its way into every cell in your body, leaving a tingling warmth in its wake.

“You can’t protect me from everything,” you murmured.

He closed his eyes for a brief moment, a sigh leaving him.

“I know,” he said. “Sometimes I just wish I could. But what we will do is get the legal department on this, to see if there’s any way we can stop it — and see if they can find out how the hell she got access to it in the first place. It’s the kind of personal medical information that probably can’t be just aired out.”

You nodded, but you also knew that stuff like this tended to find its way through the grape wine, even if the legal department was able to stop it from making front-page news. Steve seemed to read your thoughts from your face and gently brushed your cheek with his thumb.

“But regardless of what happens, I’ll be there every step of the way. I’ll always be there for you, honey.”

You leaned your face into his hand and let the knowledge of that wash away the bad emotions still lingering inside you. You would have to live with your past, but Steve was right: it wasn’t something that defined you, and he would be there.

“I know,” you whispered. “And I’m so grateful I have you, love. You’re the best boyfriend I could hope for.”

Something lit up in his eyes; it seemed like he was almost grinning, even as his smile changed only a little, and his thumb brushed over your bottom lip. He trailed the movement with his eyes before meeting your gaze again.

“Well, I was actually wondering if you would give me a promotion?” he said, and now he was grinning even as your brow furrowed.

A promotion? From being a boyfriend…?

Oh.

Oh.

You swallowed, and you were fairly certain your eyes were the size of saucers when he reached for the inner pocket of his suit jacket. But could he mean…? He would never joke about this but this was ridiculous and silly after what had just happened and…

It was just right.

When he produced the little blue velvet box from his pocket, your eyes were brimming with tears for an entirely different reason.

“I actually had a little different plans for us tonight,” he said softly, snapping the box open with one hand and taking your hand with another. “I did intend to take you to the roof when the fireworks started and get on one knee there, but I… It’s about us, love. It’s for us and for no one else, and I think you know I wouldn’t just ask this to make you feel better. But I think the right course here is to not let anything ruin our night.”

Your heart raced in your chest. The oval blue sapphire, flanked with two smaller colorless diamonds in a platinum band — and really, smaller was a bit of a stretch here, with how the ring would likely be visible from Jupiter — glimmered in the soft light of the living room. It was gorgeous and your hand was shaking just a little in his grip. You managed to tear your eyes off the ring and look into a different kind of glimmering blue in Steve’s eyes. He swallowed, his voice just a little thick despite the soft smile on his face.

“You’re the one I want, love, and I love you more than anything. You make me a better man every day, and you give me a reason to fight. Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife? Will you marry me?”

Somehow, you managed to speak. Somehow, even as the world was spinning, your throat felt thick, your eyes were glazed over with tears, and your heart was exploding.

“Yes. Yes, Steve, I will. I would. I do,” you babbled, and he laughed like a spirit of a cloudless summer day when he pulled you in for a kiss.

“That last one you’ll have to wait a moment to say,” he whispered between the kisses. “But I look forward to hearing it, more than anything. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

And after he slipped the ring to your finger, he stood up from the couch with you still on his lap and carried you to the bedroom. And when he took you apart again and again with the meticulous care of a strategic man, when he whispered words of love and desire into your ear, when he murmured praise onto your skin, you felt like you were exactly where you belonged.

With him.

In his embrace, it was impossible to feel anything but worthy.

[moonstrider9904]

It's taken me a while to process the fact that Crosshair lost his hand, and I've seen many different takes on the subject. All takes and sentiments are valid and I understand they all come from somewhere, and I'm grateful to have seen such a diversity of opinions before forming my own. Cards on the table, I disagree with the sentiment that Crosshair losing his hand was a bad writing choice on the basis of it meaning that he's now healed.

Let me elaborate (and I will elaborate a lot on this):

I feel like the relation between the hand coming off and the tremor/PTSD stopping is more a symbolic connection that the fandom perceived rather than something explicitly established by canon. It was never said after Crosshair lost his hand "he is now healed because of this." If anything, the way Crosshair was written through season 3 shows us he is putting in effort to healing way before losing his hand. Meditating, slowly opening up, moving past the horrors of Tantiss, etc. These are all things Crosshair does throughout the season that help him move forward. When the subject of Tantiss is brought up again, the tremor returns, and this is a very normal response.

But if I'm honest, I doubt how much PTSD and the concept of healing is truly understood by those so openly criticizing this writing choice, because that would also mean understanding that healing is not linear and it does not come magically through one sole act, deed, or loss. If the aforementioned was understood, so many people wouldn't have an issue with this connection in the first place because, symbolic as it may be, it is not fact. It is a symbol. What we did see was healing being depicted throughout the season: you work through your issues and you do better but then you can be back at square one the next day. Even if you're doing well for a period of time, the source of your PTSD can return, and your physical symptoms along with it, and of course this is normal and valid and it is wonderful to me that this was put on screen with Crosshair.

If it had been explicitly established on screen that Crosshair was magically healed because his hand's no longer there, I would have some other things to say about the matter, but again, it was not. This is something that fandom is coming up with and people are now deciding they have an issue with, because canon did not turn out to accommodate their theories and beliefs. And, even if it had been established that Crosshair fully healed from his past demons because he lost the hand that had the tremor, that wouldn't erase all the healing he had beforehand. I think it's invalidating - to the writers, to anyone with PTSD who relates to Crosshair, and to the character's phenomenal character arc - to assume that Crosshair's hand loss is the most significant part of his healing when he did so much work on himself before it.

And I would also argue that the loss of a limb is a traumatic event in itself, and I question how exactly it would be possible for one trauma piled on top of past traumatic events is supposed to heal someone.

I hate the fact that Crosshair lost his hand as something that happened to him, I hate it because it's Crosshair. Because I saw him getting hurt on screen, more than he already was. Because his whole body was trembling when it happened. Because I witnessed a man I've loved since day one, who's so kind and caring and has grown so much have to go through something so terrible. Because he had to endure pain and suffering yet again. Because I love him. Because my heart breaks for him.

As a writing choice, however, it was shocking, but it led up to a key moment between Crosshair and Hunter, and by extension, the climax of the finale. Yes, it would be significant for Crosshair's hand to have stopped shaking for him to take the clean shot, I wouldn't have objections if that had happened in canon either. But I think the power of Crosshair landing that final shot wasn't in the hand tremor. It was in losing his shooting hand, after a lifetime of equating his own worth to being a sniper, then hearing his brother Hunter, who he went through so much trouble and resentment and forgiveness with, encouraging him. Hunter really said "you can do it" and that was when Crosshair stopped thinking of himself as a sniper, and more as a brother. And he helped saved his sister. And with that, he saved all his other brothers on Tantiss. As a writing choice, Crosshair losing his hand is something that I accept and acknowledge as canon and I have processed the initial shock to the point where now I can talk about it more, and analyzing the scenes further makes it not just sensate writing, but poetic.

Back to the subject of the PTSD, Crosshair was able to rise above losing his hand in the moment on the bridge to team up with Hunter and save Omega, and that is admirable. And even if he was peaceful in the finale, one thing we can say for sure because it actually works that way in reality is that Crosshair will have to do a lot of healing and a lot of coping post losing his hand. I arrive at that conclusion quicker than I would conclude that "he's fine now" because the latter is not humanly possible. Even when people are capable of summoning the strength in the moment, there is a lot of healing and coping needed afterwards.

Being strong in the moment and mustering a smile when things turn out alright does not invalidate the struggle and effort put into getting better both before or after that moment of strength. Crosshair was so brave on Tantiss, but he's not fully healed upon returning to Pabu because no, PTSD is not stored in the hand, and I sincerely don't think that was the writers' intention on what to convey. If anything happens afterwards that we don't see on screen, I would anticipate it's the continuation of his healing process, which is not linear or constant.

And before anyone gets angry and wants to come at me with a pitchfork, let's remember Tech's wise words: Understanding you does not mean that I agree with you. While I see and understand the reasons why many people perceived this writing choice as a lazy one, I only wish to shine light on reasons that to me make this choice make sense. I've suffered PTSD from more than one traumatic event in my life, and for a total of twelve years (and counting) I have put in the work. I have had my share of non-linear healing. I have seen first hand and know this process all too well and it is yet another reason why I think Crosshair's character arc was masterfully done.

Lastly, I want to make one final call to be respectful towards the writers of The Bad Batch for how they chose to write their story. Here on tumblr, many fanfiction writers would be appalled if a reader came up to us spewing the things they hated about our story and how we should change it. I would be appalled too. That is not a cool thing to do to a writer. So let us treat other writers with the respect we want for ourselves.

May the Force be with you all ❤️ Now that the finale's done, us writers have the whole world of TBB to explore, adapt, and make into our own, and all of it will be valid and beautiful. Just be sure to always embrace others for their differences, for that makes you whole.

[cometblaster2070]

new ever after high headcanon: cupid is I mean cupid; she's the daughter of the god of love and she literally set up True Heart's Day and runs a podcast to help people with their love-related issues.

what i'm trying to get at is that cupid is THE person to go to if you want advice on romance or love in general yk, and my headcanon is that cupid's advice is usually great, is guaranteed to almost always work; she knows what she's talking about and you should always listen to what she's saying.

but faced with her own relationship??? i know for a FACT this girl is out here making the most atrocious puns EVER and it is only because blondie loves her to hell and back that she bears the horrible attempts at flirting.

essentially; cupid giving the best relationship advice known to man to other people but being a swagless rizzless loser in her own relationship and god knows how and why but blondie's into it so it works???

imagine like:

apple: blondie i really don't understand what you're trying to say; I'm sure cupid's flirting isn't that bad she's cupid after all!

blondie: no apple you don't understand-

cupid spawning into existence: blondie did it hurt when you fell from the vending machine?

apple: ???

blondie: oh no, it's happening again.

cupid: because you're a snack!!! *finger guns away*

apple:

apple: I see what you mean now.

blondie, sobbing: the worst part is I'M INTO IT.