#and the fact that i dont think he goes through the same trauma as his og

[sweetestflow3rs]

would you believe this is a face of a man who only got worse in his new enriched environment?

[petesdirtysock]

bill dickey & the cycle of abuse theory

i think about evan dorkin's point of saying "bill wasn't always a sociopath" because i think it really explores something interesting about the cycle of abuse and the effects it has on others. so here's a really really long text post about it !

tldr, sock has a really convoluted theory about bill's mom's possible abuse towards her son and it causing a big issue for bill and his mental health and literally everyone else who crosses his path

tw for abuse , manipulation , trauma

to first begin, let's look at bill at the beginning of the series! at first, we see bill as almost the same as he was in the "welcome to eltingville" pilot. a lot of people say that the tv version of bill is really tame in comparison to comic bill & i 100% agree. one potential reason for this may be that the art styles are so vastly different when you really look like it and all of the scenes were bill goes absolutely insane would be hard to animate for adult animation shows. typically the styles are simpler for the sake of cost but this might be different since we had a lot of great shows in the 2000s that were able to accomplish both ( but that's a conversation for another day ).

but in bill's case, i feel this was almost intentional ( & kind of not ) since the scenes chosen for the show were the beginning of the comic! throughout the comic, we see bill get worse and worse and he comes to his greatest failure in the epilogue where i very strongly believe ( and i think its canon ? ) that he caused the injuries and potential death of multiple people during the comic con fiasco. like i dont know if any of you guys have been to the jacob javits center ( where the comic con in the comic takes place ) but there's like thousands of kids, elderly, and full grown adults that basically pack the entire building. THAT HAS MULTIPLE FLOORS BY THE WAY. like there have been times i've had to squeeze through people in just the artist's alley, IMAGINE THE TINY ASS FOOD AREA & THE FRONT OF THE BUILDING.

and you may be asking "sock, what in the hell would possibly cause this impulsivity and disregard for human life in someone who is pretty much normal other than being a creep???". so it turns out the answer to that question is divorce and abuse.

i'm definitely not qualified to diagnose anyone, especially not in the realms of personality disorders ( im just a depressed and anxious autist lol ) but since we have confirmation that bill is a sociopath by evan dorkin, i can back this up with COLD HARD FACTS!!!

first to begin, sociopathy is a mental personality disorder that can be caused by genetics AND by societal / environmental factors. so it is 100% possible that bill was either born with sociopathy and the events brought them on strongly OR he wasn't born with sociopathy and his trauma brought it on. in my opinion, i believe the first option is more possible since we have 0 info on bill's parents other than his mom being abusive ( WHICH DOES NOT MEAN THAT SOCIOPATHS ARE MORE INCLINED TO ABUSE ). so that's up to you guys!

sociopathy is characterized by someone who frequently does impulsive and erratic behaviors. this person has the ability to have strong connections with others but not many. they can be kind of mean but have the ability to be empathetic in some circumstances. they may be hotheaded and tend to rationalize their actions despite them obviously being wrong. this describes bill perfectly, sadly enough.

now, im gonna list off some of the points where bill's sociopathy comes out. if you disagree with any or think i missed one, please let me know! the first time we see bill show off sociopathic behavior is him threatening his little brother, tommy, for his dad's money so he can buy the dreaded boba fett figure. from this we also learn that, in this divorce, it's very probable that bill's parents live in two seperate houses. if his mom were home during this scene, like she is in the first club meeting scene, she probably would've told bill to be quiet. we also know this because after the comic shop fire, she tells him that her sister invited them to live with her ( hopefully that paused the abuse for some time or maybe not, ill get to that later ). the idea that bill could threaten his little brother as a angry angsty teenager isn't that hard to believe but knowing what we know now, this is a little worse. another scene later on shows this getting worse. during the intervention scene, we can see how he's willing to excuse away most of the "nerd behavior" he does, despite him being able to easily just say "okay, i'll give it up". but because he tends to make himself seem better to others by excusing it away, he is willing to put it to 100%, even puking on the guys. and from there, i don't think i have to explain the sociopathic tendencies behind the comic book fire scene and the comic con epilogue.

now what does this have to do with bill's mom? like i said earlier, evan dorkin has come out and said that along with pete, bill also experiences abuse from one of his parents. in this case, it's bill's mom. we don't see much of her but we know that she's usually angry and bill doesn't like her. he never says anything to her face though, which is fair in the case of abuse. sociopathy can be brought out in someone due to trauma and abuse is a traumatic thing to experience.

perhaps, bill's familial abuse makes him believe subconsciously that hurting others is okay. this is NOT true for all abuse victims ( i would know ) but in some cases ( especially in pop culture ), this is true. my opinion on the situation between the divorce and the abuse is this:

bill's mother was abusive towards bill and maybe bill's dad and brother

the parents got divorced and bill was sent to live with his mom while tommy was sent to live with his dad, splitting custody

due to bill being the older one, he is able to move between the homes but maybe bill's dad doesn't allow tommy to live in bill's mom's house

due to us not seeing any "clear signs" of abuse, there is a chance that bill's mom stopped physically abusing him for the time being due to court order

bill might possibly hate his mom because of their close proximity or fhe fact that she "scared" his dad away, ruining their family

the main reason for why i believe abuse is involved is the fact that he was pretty normal when the club first started ( which i assume was freshman year because of how small they look ). and yes, divorce can cause kids to act out but to such an extent implies that something possibly really bad happened.

thank you for reading and please let me know what you think ! be kind and have a great day (*´∀｀*)

[horsemotifs]

i think im grasping at straws here bc i dont know if the show would actually go that far and imply that canonically, but i do think saxon actually had feelings for/wanted lochlan. like i wasnt sure if he was in love with chelsea bc he was clearly trying to sleep with her, but in the entire context i think it was more like. just needing connection. like when chelsea and rick reunited and saxon watched and teared up i thought it might be jealousy/heartache bc of Her. considering he didnt seem all that shaken after her literal death (and i do think he'd find out if it was her bc they were near enough to know something happened and they shouldve been on the boat with them later), i think it was more jealousy of being this close with someone. that + all the yearning looks at lochlan, the way he was more affected than lochlan by the handjob, the way his issue wasnt necessarily the incest or That It Happened but the circumstances of why it happened (lochlan trying to impress him, instead of lochlan genuinely Wanting him). like the show opens with making us think that lochlan is the one actually interested, but its saxon. and now he has to live with knowing that he had it, but it didnt mean the same for lochlan (and the fact that lochlan almost killed himself trying to be like big brother whos avoiding him). congrats!

theres also the moment with saxon looking at lochlan when tim mentioned trauma. i do think saxon was traumatized by it, but in a way that it Shook him. Made him question everything about his identity and life and relationships. Confused him. Shame and guilt. (As well as putting a crack in his and Lochlans relationship from before which will never be the same). i think the Look was majorly saxon saying to lochlan "and we will never tell them about this" because tim mentioned how they didnt have privations or trauma. saxon looking to lochlan seems like "so itll stay that way". they still have a role to play. he wants to deny it happened so bad because he doesn't know how to deal with it. which i think also goes with the stuff patrick schwarzenegger says about saxon. but its just too little exploration to be clear on every aspect and i think different things can be possible at the same time bc saxon doesn't even know it himself. saxon staying in the room/next bed for the sex opened the possibility of lochlan and saxon interacting during sex the second it started, especially after the kiss(es). i think saxon mightve thought about it being possible but when it actually happened he was overwhelmed by it because he didnt ACTUALLY EXPECT it to happen for real. he didnt think it through. and the outcome was that.

[p5-apotelesma]

SPEAKING OF RYUJI ive been thinking of adding his own crashout to the okumura arc at the same time as mona. because drama.

like. i know. i know everybody collectively goes UUHHHHGGGG during this part and i get why. i totally get it. its frustrating cause you just wanna shake the characters and tell them to talk to each other. (and i think a lot of people are frustrated by it because they just Dont like morgana and think hes annoying. none of that here)

not to mention how it overshadowed harus intro arc (which is also why im still debating it) but i feel like this could be remedied by. introducing haru earlier. we meet goro in june and he doesnt join the team til november. no reason we cant set haru up early too.

is this behavior in character for morgana? yeah id say so. could it have been written more smoothly? very yeah. listen i could go on about morgana and why this crashout of his Works with his arc and why characters like him are so squeezy toy to my brain BUT. later. ryuji time

i know ryuji isnt really the kind of kid to hold grudges. every time someone he cares about is angry with him, he thinks its more or less acceptable if they take it out on him. its just all he knows (but its not really okay!) but hes gone through the grueling psychological trauma of an awakening and. the truth of the matter is. kamoshida isnt the only person who he should tell to stop looking down on him

morgana does it all the time. and its rare i hear any objections from the gang other than a “will both of you knock it off” as if ryuji isnt outright being provoked. and yeah you could say this is just how they are. ryuji is a teenager and morgana is like two. communication blunders of the ages. ect.

and i do think this is part of it. some people have friendships full of teasing and ribbing on each other. but they Lead with Nice. you have to like. treat someone with enough kindness to warrant being able to playfully dig at them as a friend and morgana.

hasnt? sure theyre able to rely on each other as team mates but mona is just needlessly a little bitch. a lot.

i think the two do genuinely care about each other. that they can act like friends and they are friends. but. consider. its not enough that morgana has to stop being mean. morgana should have to be nice.

because when mona says “ryuji you idiot” or “you dumb monkey” or “youre pathetic” ryuji does, in fact, Not hear “ryuji i know you can do better” its literally just words hes endured for years at this point. and again!! i dont think mona has treated him nice enough to reach bullying privileges!

morgana has set the tone for pretty much every interaction he has with ryuji and the kid is just meeting him where hes at. which is why ryuji so easily calls morgana useless and thinks nothing of it. i mean (gestures to everything morgana says to him that the gang regards as normal and fine)

and the gang needs to object a lot more loudly to the ryuji slander. but they dont. and i think ryuji should have his own crashout moment because hes sick of morgana dragging him and no one really saying anything. they should have to have this moment where theyre like. aw fuck have we been bad friends? shit

and also realize that. them enabling mona to bully ryuji does not exist in a vacuum. it has consequences. and has in part fostered the dynamic that has ryuji so easily insulting mona. which leads to the cat running off in the first place

[f0linasahl0]

seong gihun the man that you are...

spoilers for s1 and s2 of squid game (if applicable)

i know gihun isn't an amazing man but he's so sweet in season 1. he tries for his daughter despite everything else he's ever done. he buys her food, brings her home, makes sure she has a decent birthday even though he doesn't have much money.

people say he's a bad father but i disagree. sure he isn't there and he doesn't help as he should but he tried for his daughter. i feel like over the fact that he left getting on the plane to look for the frontman and end the games, it seems like he barely talked to her after and i feel like part of the reason was to save her from him (someone she no longer knew) and so she doesn't get caught up in anything he is in. hes not an awful father, he genuinely loves and cares for his daughter.

furthermore, even when he is in death games he has sincere and deep empathy. despite it probably killing him, he partners with this old man. he probably doesn't even think about the type of people he is teaming with, he is just playing the game and even then he isn't playing the way anyone has before. he genuinely tries to help people and despite watching all this death and pandemonium, he still stays as much himself as going through this type of trauma would bring him. the only time he genuinely changes is after sangwoo pushes the guy in the glass tile game. he actually gets angry and then sad when seeing saebyeok die. that's the only time his mood genuinely changes. i mean you can argue his mood changes after ilnam "dies" in the marble game. i dont know, he barely loses his humanity through the game. (and i think thats part of the reason why inho gets obsessed but that is going to be a different post).

this man is so deeply underrated. he goes back into the games to try to stop it. sure you can twist this however you want. "he cares more about the games than his family" "he's selfish" blah blah blah but are you even watching the same show? this man has a righteous need to end these games after being in them. he doesn't want anyone to go through what he did so he is determined to end them. i do genuinely think that part of the reason why he didn't go to the states was that he didn't want his daughter to see what he turned into. or even didn't call for that reason. like sure, he didn't board the plane because of the frontman and the salesman (realizing the games are still going, which bro why did you think it was a one time thing???) I don't know you could say it's a righteous selfishness but i see it as a dangerous selflessness. he's willing to save all 455 people in season 2 even if it means he dies for a stranger.

this man is dangerously and lethally selfless. he's willing to die for someone he meant maybe 2 hours before. in that nightmare he has in s2 with dalgona, even though that old guy was a dick, he actually felt awful that all of them were going to die. like sure it's kinda his fault and i can see why he might feel bad that way, but i also think that he would feel bad whether the person was awful or not.

i was asked once if gihun would be angry at daeho for not bringing the extra ammo. like if he didn't know about daeho's ptsd reaction, if he'd be angry. i say no, i don't think gihun would have the heart to be angry at daeho for that. i think that he'd be sad, but i feel like he'd turn it into something that he did rather than daeho. same way he apologized to youngil/inho when he went to apologize to gihun. despite it not even being his fault, he thinks that it was. same thing with this insurrection. gihun will feel awful and that it was all his fault (which sure it was) but he'd be too depressed, grieving, and self deprecating to even have an ounce of irritation for daeho. i don't think he'd be able to muster any anger unless somehow his melancholy twists into it which i dont think will happen.

this man is dangerously empathetic and as much as i don't want it to, it will probably kill him.

[britishassistant]

Saw ur tags abt bg3 paranoid villian yuu being judges for their taste in men and just.. hmm. I wonder who the companions would approve of, if anyone?

I can see Astarion lording his power as yuu's "sibling" (if that bit is canon) over the others like "I'm their sibling, I get a say on who they're dating." Only for the other tadpoles to be like "dude we know by now that was a lie lmao ur not actually their 'big brother'" and then he goes off to sulk in a corner.

On Astarion, I could see him approving of Vil, Azul and the Tweels? Based on his reaction to Ethel/general goofy blood-lust (lol literally) maybe the tweels would be his favourites as teens he can tolerate, whether or not yuu should be dating them though... I can also see him, on one hand relating to jamil's struggles as a servant, and on another hand being pissy, because what's he got to complain about Kalim is annoying but seems to treat him well/put too much faith in him, back in His day the masters you rebelled against were horrible people (we get it astarion you have trauma). I can see him being slightly wary of Malleus, and simultaneously going "holy shit yuu get that bag!!! He's rich as fuck it doesn't matter if you actually like him, marry him for the money! (And then kill him)" Riddle would definitely annoy him, quite frankly I think a lot of the nrc boys would, though I think Rook would be highest on his list of "get the absolute fuck away from me and that tiefling kid I totally dont care about rn".

I can see Gale quite approving of Trey, bc cooking/baking skills, plus he just seems like such a nice young chap! The teeth thing is a little odd but hey we all have strange interests! I think Deuce's heartfelt will to be a better person for his mother would probably strike a chord in him too, he might try and take the poor boy under his wing lol.

Shadowheart is tricky to me, but maybe Jamil? Or Vil? Both are sort of trying to get away from their past and become greater, maybe that would resonate with her. Plus theyre both kinda catty as well. Tbh I just feel like she'd sit in the background sipping wine and making pointed remarks at almost all of them lol. Pretwnds shes above getting invested in teen drama but is always conveniently nearby whenever vil and leona are arguing. (So is Astarion.) Ace might be good actually, as a trickster who is rather mean to everyone, including yuu, but is also impressively ride ir die/protective of them (remember when he punched riddle for being mean to yuu in twst canon? He's a softies for his friends I just know it) Tbh I think either someone she can tease, or someone she can get into a playful bitch-fit with would be good in her book as long as they're treating yuu right.

Lae'zel approves of none of them. They are all distractions from her Gi's training and all are unworthy. They cannot even best the owlbear in single combat. (Imagine her making an offhand comment and some of the more foolhardy boys take this as a challenge lol) Floyd makes a comment about "squeezing his shrimpy" and Lae'zel immidiently instructs yuu on how to crush his ass flat. On one hand, I don't think she'd react well to him calling them food. (From her perspective lol) On the other hand, since physically fighting your lover seems to be a thing for gith, maybe she'd approve of the "courting method" (even if he meant it fully platonically lmao). I think if anyone, Jack's seriousness and drive to improve himself through training might fufill the "bare minimum" for her. Sebeck's loud devotion to Malleus might remind herself of what she was like with Vlakeeth, I wonder how that dynamic would go. Actually she might rather like him, he's trained in combat (silver would be a contender, but his sleeping problem would probably make him unreliable in her eyes), and her and Sebeck sort of speak the same language in a sense, with the whole "I am superior to you and will give you backhanded compliments whenever I try to say smth nice". The fact that he's a dragonborn might help too, from what I remember of Lae's dialouge when I played as one she warmed up to me quicker I think lol. Actually, I wonder if Lae'zel would outright remind Yuu of Sebeck, since the more I think about it the more they seem kinda similar.

I think Wyll would probably like Jack too, along with Deuce, the pair of good boys. He would be able to bond a bit with Deuce over knowing what its like to dissapoint a parent, though his case was much more severe. I think he would absolutely be wary of Azul, considering the whole deal maker thing (especially if magical contracts were brought into play), though honestly I think any boy could win him over of they prove to be genuinely interested in yuu and treating them well lol. Actually, maybe he could resonate with Leona a bit on struggling to live up to parental expectations? Though he'd probably try to gently encourage him to like take up a non-destructive hobby or something.

Oh my god I can't believe I forgot Ruggie when talking abt Astarion. Astarion Absolutely approves of/likes Ruggie. Scratch the tweels, that's his new favourite lol.

I can see Karlach as being similar to Wyll, where she ultimately doesn't rly care abt how yuu is dating as long as the person in question treats them right. Though I can see her really getting along with Kalim, as fellow upbeat party people (aside from the culture shock between rich and poor lol), though I can also see her gently trying to nudge him to become more independent for his own sake lol. (If they're somehow meeting the twst boys pre end of journey, you cannot tell me they don't both think it's a good idea for kalim to use his um on her to try and cool her down, if ums r a thing here lol). I can see her finding Riddle stressful to be honest, why is this small red child giving her homework? She's an adult, and she'd rather not have to read a book of 810 rules today, thank you. She might not say that directly to his face though. I can see her being... wary? A little concerned of boys who appear friendly but you just know are hiding smth, especially if they're rich/business folk cough cough gortash cough cough. (Can't wait to see how yuu reacts to him lmao). I imagine her finding the first year's sweet, since they seem to be such a bonded group lol.

Halsin is another one where I feel like it doesn't rly matter much to him as long as yuu is happy :). Though maybe any boys who are druids may have an edge?

Minthara (if here) approves of absolutely none of them. They are all men, absolutely not. If you really must have a date, yuu, come with her and you two can scope out some more worthy options.

Overall I would like to speculate that, from most to least picky/judgemental abt yuu's dating life, would be: Minthara (If present), Lae'zel, Astarion, Shadowheart, Wyll, Gale, Karlach, Halsin.

Though imagining the eventual reaction of the twst boys to yuu coming home from a horrifying adventure with 6-8 new familial figures is funny.

"Yuu is that- oh gods that's clearly a vampire right next to you ok don't panic ill save you- WHAT DO YOU MEAN "YOU ADOPTED HIM"?" (Astarion jumps in to loudly protest that he the one who did the adopting. Everyone ignores him)

"Yuu is that an owlbear. Yuu where the fuck did you get an owlbear- oH SEVEN ITS HEADING STRAIGHT FOR ME!"

Not to mention the bg3 crew coming together to collectively beat Crowley's ass. They're literally saviours of the world at this point with the skills/power to back it up, what can he really do against them? Crewel just stands back and watches, sipping his coffee and covertly giving them a thumbs up.

Do you have any thoughts on what grim is in this au? Would be funny if he was like, a baby tressym for Tara to fuss over. Or maybe an actual powerful wizard cursed to live in the body of a cat? Who knows.

Yuu comes back from their lifechanging quest to save the world like: "hey guys!! I'm a proper bard now :))" and all their nrc friends are like. "That's cool yuu. Who are all those wierd looking adults behind you that are staring into our souls and where did you get those animals from."

Actually it might be funny if each bg3 companion resonated with one dorm, though I would say it's kinda unrealistic lol. But my organisation brain loves it. Astarion obvi has to be Octoville, Lae'zel I think would work for either Diasomnia or Savanaclaw (both have aspects I think she would like but I also think she'd have issues with certain people), Karlach is Scarabia and not just bc fire=hot, but bc I just think she would vibe so hard with Kalim. She might have a little brother now who's to say. I think Gale could work well with Indihyde (how did I not mention idia in his section. The isolation from ppl/general wasting away alone, I think gale would probably actually take this one under his metaphorical wing and try to gently push idia out of his comfort zone, to the poor boy's discomfort) Wyll is tricky, maybe Diasomnia? Or heartsaybul?? Honestly I have no idea. Shadowheart also stumps me a bit, bit probably Pomifore. Halsin is probably Savanaclaw tbh, and Minthara (again if here), really only would work with Pomifore. That's based more off the vibes of the dorm than the actual characters in them though. Actually, maybe Gale would see the Queen of Hearts rules as a fun little challenge/cultural exchange sort of thing, maybe one of the only ones in the bg3 group who would be excited about and genuinely try to memorise them all. He'd also call out when the others slip up, much to everyone (specifically Astarion)'s annoyance.

Gale: "Ah! You see, Astarion, according to rule #435, one must always tie their shoelaces clockwise on a Saturday! 😏 How silly of you to forget it."

Astarion is fuming. Riddle is wondering if this is what having a father is like (no, riddle, this isn't parental affection, you need serious help).

Sorry this was just a bunch of disorganised thoughts, these two hyperfixations are also hitting me like a frieght train. Hope at least some of it was interesting!

aaaaAAAAH THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR HOW EXCITED I WAS TO RECEIVE THIS ASK!!!

(Which is partially why I took so long in answering it, as I enjoyed rereading it so much)

While Astarion getting to pretend to be the insufferable elder brother he was destined to be is part of an AU focusing on him as the “player” character, I will tell you for free that he and Yuu manage to keep up the sibling act at least until Act 2, when the Shadow-Cursed lands’ lack of nutrition forces them to come clean about the whole “vampire” thing.

Gale, Shadowheart, and Wyll are scandalized. Karlach’s half convinced they’re still related somehow. Lae’zel doesn’t understand what sib-lings are and doesn’t want to.

But no, yeah, I personally headcanon that Astarion is the one who overhears Yuu defending themself from Withers’ questioning of their single status by claiming they’re interested in someone from their old mercenary group rather than any of their current companions…

And once that little tidbit gets shared around the tadpole, and sundry members of that mercenary group start popping up in the Shadow-Cursed lands and in Baldur’s Gate?

Let’s just say Yuu is receiving a lot of unsolicited advice on their taste in men and who is suitable enough to date them.

(Yes, Minthara is there. I accidentally knocked her out because I forgot to turn off the setting after Ethel’s lair, saved her to help bust the prisoners out of Moonrise, and then was weak to puppy-dog eyes when Yuu tried to tell her “I’m still mad about the attempted murder over the grove, go away”. Halsin took being kicked out of his tent with exceptional grace.)

Also Malleus is a black dragon who’s just reached the age where he can take on a human form, though he’s not quite mastered hiding his horns, tail, or various scales depending on his emotions. Astarion and Karlach both get deja vu when they meet him…

The Night Raven mercenaries, for their part, also have opinions about Yuu’s new travelling companions.

These tend to range from excited (“Ah, Yuu, these are the guys you’re travelling with now?! It’s great to meet you!! Hey, hey, Jamil, we should throw a party to celebrate!”) to curious (“Eh, Shrimpy, are you sure these guys are strong? Maybe I should put ‘em through their paces t’ make sure, ehhehehe~”) to opportunistic (“So now that you’re a hero, you won’t go forgetting any of your old buddies, right? It’s good to help out the less fortunate, shihihi.”) to wary (“Y-Y-Yuu-sshi, you do know th-that’s a githyanki, right?? And a devil?? And a vampire, and a Sharran?!? I-it’s like a buffet of super elite flee on sight mooks here, what—whAT DO YOU MEAN THE OTHER TWO ARE GOING TO EXPLODE—?!”) to disdainful (“Hmph. I suppose such ruffians are suited to your scaleless company, but THEY ARE FAR TOO UNPOLISHED TO BASK IN THE GLORY OF LORD MALLEUS!!”) to fervent (“Ah, mon cher ‘tit Trickster, how interessante your friends are! And you are certain I cannot study them more closely?”) to mildly insecure (“W-well ‘s not like it matters because Yuu was adventuring with us first, so—no I’m not bein’ weird Deuce, shutUP!”).

Yuu’s former coworkers all more surprised by Scratch the dog than Munch the owlbear, to be honest. After all, Yuu has a history of getting soft spots for gluttonous little creatures who look cute but will grow into something dangerous. But Yuu being a dog person?! Who could have seen that one coming??

They just hope that this time will go better than it did with that cat-like monster who wanted to be a wizard in the Hells…

As for which houses each of our tadpole gang belong in…this is my take:

Lae’zel: Savannaclaw

Shadowheart: Ignihyde

Astarion: Octavinelle

Gale: Heartslaybul

Wyll: Diasomnia

Karlach: Scarabia

Halsin: Ramshackle

Minthara: Pomefiore

Also not me getting to the bit of Gale’s dialogue where he describes himself as “the villain of this story” and immediately having my brain jump to “Professor Dekarios of Night Raven College” XD XD

He overblots and it’s a timed fight to beat him up before the overblot activates the orb in his chest and everyone gets blown up.

Thank you so much again for sending this ask in!

[razzle-zazzle]

(Long winded anon from before) Hiccup doing a loud double take at Snoutlout being alive is gonna make me cry. these guys are such jerks to each other but man do they care deep down. hiccup's so happy that snotlout made it :') if only they had a better relationship i'm sure they'd both be able to relate to the idea that their bodies don't feel quite the same or even fully their own anymore.

(btw i love your nuanced spitelout take from the tags. i think he's really interesting both as a character and as a figure who's really messed up his son, he needs studied for how efficiently he's a bad father tbh.)

honestly the Snotlout mental breakdown my brain gave me was kinda a mess so sorry if it doesnt make sense.

but i imagine that snotlout was really raw after the heather report 1&2. first cause heather stole the scales (which even if he hates them low key they're HIS), then because he didnt even get a choice to tell everyone. their biggest enemies in the moment found out and then his five closest friends, bad order for any reveal honestly.

yeah it worked out and they got Heather and her family out of there and safe again. his friends even took the shifting thing okay but the fact that this part of himself that he feels deep shame for is out in the open feels like something that would only make him crank the obnoxious attitude to a thousand.

thus making everyone's ability to do math about his trauma ten thousand times harder. also i dont know that he'd realise that no one realised yet that he was the dragon in the arena. he'd be on pins and needles waiting for someone to mention it again making him go through it not realising that by worrying about it he was alreadying reliving it without them even mentioning it.

To me his emotional constipation was part of what made the scene in my brain so devestating, cause everyone would be talking about the events of the movie with hiccup super curious about his toothless bonding not realising that every time they talk about the arena and that 'missing strange nightmare' that its him. untill of course astrid does the math and tries to talk to about with him.

Astrid may of course also be emotionally constipated but she understands that this might be a personal thing for him. so i think she'd try to apologise for busting his hand up pretty bad only for Snotlout to brush it off agressively.

also i think fishlegs would make a dig or two about it it uninentionally. cause in rob and dob he goes through an arc where he becomes more confident but also lowkey hates snotlout for while so he probably wasnt being careful with his words, plus without knowing that snotlout was in the arena him mentioning the 'weird nightmare' he wants to study could easily sound like a threat.

to me it'd be the twins that accidentally pushed him into the semi public breakdown in front of the friendgroup. they'd make one to many jokes about his weeks 'surviving in the woods' and snotlout thinking that they are mocking him would snap. cause i think he realised how paper thin that story was too. it makes sense when you dont think about it or don't know he can shift but the second they all learned he could he probably felt like the dragon was out of the bag so to speak.

in my brain he just had this huge emotional word vomit about how none of them respect him. and how they all dont care about him and that clearly they just want the firepower for the team. not him and in general i think he'd just be shouting at them for awhile about how he feels but in the way he does in not lout where he just says stuff like 'i wont be on the streets!' without telling them AT ALL how he came to that conclusion.

OUGH AUGH OUGHHHHH I AM EATING THESE WORDS UP OW OW OUGHHHHHHHHH

Hiccup was definitely surprised! Flabbergasted, even! And also a little (kind of a lot) thrown off by how out of character Snotlout is. He definitely walks away from that interaction going "o... kay..." before refocusing on the task he originally set out to do.

(I really do think exploring Spitelout as a person is way more interesting than reducing him to "Snotlout's shitty dad". He sucks and I want him away from Snotlout but he's also still a character in his own right. and I can use that suckage to my own ends >:]]]c)

I mean, breakdowns do tend to be pretty messy, don't they?

And yeah Snotlout is SO UPSET after "The Heather Report II", yeah he kind of finally gets the hang of flying but like. Ohhhh you hit the nail on the head he is NOT having a good time! And also this is the point where he realizes that damage to his scales will hurt him!

IT DOESSSS HE GETS SO OBNOXIOUS ABOUT IT. Initially he's blustering about being fine and snapping at everyone to drop it when they try to bring up the shapeshifting, then he's bragging about how awesome it is to be a dragon even as he's angrily stuffing the scales back into a satchel. He's so so obnoxious you're right.

Hiccup recognizes that Snotlout's the small arena nightmare right away! Though immediately after stating this he asks if this is the reason why the small arena nightmare refused to do the hand trick: because Snotlout was messing with him? And Snotlout snickers because he does think it's pretty funny that every time Hiccup tried to connect with his dragon form Snotlout's outright ignored him just be a shit. Which of course derails the conversation away from the kill ring!

OUGH. AUGH. Astrid does realize that if Snotlout was the small arena nightmare, and if she broke the small arena nightmare's wing-claws, then -> she's the one who broke Snotlout's knuckles, and she does try to apologize, but Snotlout cranks up the obnoxiousness so bad because he doesn't want to really confront the memory that Astrid's bringing up. He uses her apology as an excuse to flirt and she knocks him on his ass. Neither of them learned a thing from this encounter.

Fishlegs makes less comments about Snotlout's dragonself and more general comments about how Snotlout sucks. He probably does at one point make a pointed comment about how Snotlout's "an insult to the intelligence and strength of dragons", though.

Post-reveal the twins spend a LOT of time trying to goad Snotlout into turning into a dragon for various schemes (or just because they wanna see it). This is both incredibly annoying for Snotlout AND feeds into his ego, as the twins are wont to do. And AUGH AUGHH THE TWINS MAKING JOKES ABOUT SNOTLOUT'S "TIME IN THE WOODS" OUGHHHH

OUGH AUGH. OH I CAN SEE THAT. MAYBE NOT IN RIDERS BUT DEFINITELY IN DEFENDERS I CAN SEE THIS BREAKDOWN HAPPENING. OUGHHHHHHHHHHH

[magnoliamyrrh]

tw: csa, abuse etc. feel free not to answer this, as i know its private!! i also have a very abusive family, i was sexually assaulted by my brother in law when i was 15/16 and he is still in the family. my stupid sister decided to go ahead and have another baby with him even after she knew lol so like. i just bid my time until i can tell everyone to fuck off. i dont have direct contact w him, but i have to deal w his stupid children when i visit my parents and my stupid ass sister. obviously my situation is way less dire than yours, but it already kills me inside. ik you mentioned in the past you were trafficked by a family member and was sexually abused by family too, so what im asking is if you still have contact w the person who did it? i got way better after i was able to put distance, but the fact that i know he is still around makes me sick. i wish i could just put a bullet on his head. i wish i could kill him. i wish i could run him over and set out a hit on him. i wish i could kill my fucking sister too, for being a useless piece of shit.

this is just some random info i hope you find funny in a dark sad way like i do. i cant be around my sister for long that it raises my blood pressure to the point i get nose bleeds that wont stop. my bp goes like 23 or 20/18 or something like that. crazy high. literally puts me under so much stress i am at risk of a fucking heart attack from being around her cunt ass.

hope u can run away from them and make your own life at some point. wishing you the best xoxo

hey anon!! tks again for sending the message and im truly sorry to hear abt what happened to you & the betrayal of your sister as well. its always horrible when women even moreso family members who should care about you choose to protect predatory and shit men over u 😵‍💫 happens way too often and you have every right to be angry af at her bc its disgusting and selfish enabling behavior. hope karma is gonna hit them soon and youll get to witness it all lol ,,,, and girl 😭 u gotta be Careful i dont want u to die of a heart attack like this it aint worth it 🤣😭😭 but i getchu!! the sorta stress from this shit can take a Hugeee toll on ur body tbh i think thats why i feel so exhausted too all the time lately its the stress and physical toll of flashbacks and shit

to answer ur question it was my bio dad and for the most part i aint got contact w him no more. we're in two different countries now which helps for sure but when i go back to my birth country its almost always an issue when it comes to seeing him. he used to show up uninvited or my family would force him around and shit. but uh then for some years tho not too many that stopped happening but at the end of last year i had to see him because i wanted to see my grand geandmother who was sick and potentially dying and he was there. i chose to put up with it because i would have regretted not seeing her more. the whole thing was,,,, A Lot and exhausting and triggering and since then ive kinda been in the trauma trenches again 🤷‍♀️ being around him for that long for the first time in years definetely set sometimes off. but. yea. its hard. its hard to avoid because of that and i probably wont feel truly free from it until the day when he fucking croaks ://// which i keep waiting for. and rn i live w my mom and bio dad which isnt fantastic either bc we have a rough history too tho nothing to the same degree, its just another thing that stresses me out tho and that i wanna get away from

tks for the message girl again i appreciate uuu <3 and it does make me feel better to know someone also feels similar even tho i wish u had never been through this. take care of urself ok!!! one day were both gonna get out and we wont have to b around ppl who traumatized us anymore and well b able to breathe!!!!

[romana-after-dark]

hear me out hear me out hear me out, could dolly NOT stay pregnant and somehow have a miscarriage/abortion??? If the pregnancy was terminated, dolly would actually be able to see if Logan will keep his word in never hurting her again while being who she needs/wants him to be; or if he really is just like all the other people in her life that lied to her, abused her, and manipulated her. ALSO, dolly didn't have any bodily autonomy until she got away from her abusers, which Logan was aware of. So, the fact that Logan knowingly took that recently gained human right away from her makes it all the more impactful on their relationship, and definitely would've broken every single ounce of trust she had in him. It's obvious dolly doesn't trust Logan and is already exhibiting the behavior of a victim in an abusive relationship. So, if an abortion/miscarriage were to happen, Logan would have the opportunity to gain back dolly's trust and possibly repair some of the damage he's done.

If dolly carries out the pregnancy, and there's somehow a 'happy' ending for her and Logan, she may still have those same fear/trauma responses to Logan's touch, voice, presence, etc.; which would in turn have a massive impact on her mental health over time leading to possible addictions, self-mutilation, suicide, etc... I think going through w the pregnancy would re-traumatize dolly and probably cause her to have a mental health crisis; not to mention the fact that 1 in 8 women develop postpartum depression/anxiety/distress, which would definitely impact her already fragile state of mind.

but hey! That's just my opinion, take it w a grain of salt. Love ur work regardless:3

thank you!

can i just say how much i LOVE getting these sort of asks!!!! I love how much thought yall put into these things.

I wana start by saying, in general, I don't write miscarriages with a few exceptions.

In Seattle, a Moon Knight story over on my main, Rebecca had a miscarriage but it was super early, and the day she found out she was pregnant. I just dont have the stomach for miscarriage or child death. It has to be very very specific circumstances for miscarriage.

For some reason, this rubbed an old mutual of mine wrong, who somehow took issue with the fact I'll write rape and all the horrible things i wrote in the wrong way, but then in that story i assured people the baby was okay??? anyway, you of course probably had no idea of any of this nor did you know i generally dont write that, so absolutly nothing wrong!

as for abortion... I dont know, honestly? Well, for this series, no. I have a specific plan for a lot of it. I do, at some point, want to write on my main a reader whose had an abortion or she decides to get one. I think It's important to make people whove had abortions feel seen. But this unfortunetly isn't the story for me to explore that.

However, this IS a very pro-choice page, and no matter dolly's reservations on the topic, her voice is not mine. I said before, I was raped as a teen and if I had gotten pregnant, i dont know if i would have gotten one, even though my views were pro choice by then.

I loved your insights!!!!

I think it would be interesting to see what Logan would actually do. would he be mad? would he try to get her pregnant again?

I think, and my friend Katie would agree, that Logans actions in this story is a certain kind of fucked up.

In TWW, Joel rapes LO but all shes ever known was a life of abuse, and she knew what was going to happen when she was sold. In ROF, madonna goes through all this shit and its so sudden for her, breaking her idealic world

But in this series, Dolly goes through some absolutely horrifc things, and trough her own sheer tenacity she escapes (more on that later!) and for a while, she thinks she's safe. She meets Charles who takes her in, gets her a knew identity and sets her up at a job she LOVES. Dolly adores teaching those teens. She has Remy, whose her bestest friend, and lots of good people around her. And then she had Logan, who shes falling in love with and thinks she doesnt deserve. Even still, the world is lighter with him around.

And then logan rips the first hope shes had since childhood away from her, traumatizes her over again and destroys this pretty life she was building

and im not saying logan is better or worse than Joel or Santi... but i just think thats a special kind of fucked up. Taking the autonomy she had just gained, you are absolutly correct, and intentionally trying to gt her pregnant is insane.

[suffarustuffaru]

Since we’ve got his parents, Reinhard?

i love how you and like two anons put in reinhard for the ask game aljsldf yall already know i am an astrea blog now (affectionate). and. okay this post turned out to be far more complicated than i thought so expect an essay <3

Sexuality Headcanon: aroace OR gay + aroace spectrum. he HAS the ace flag color scheme guys!! (i think he does not know any of this about himself bc his sense of self is so fucked by the entire world weaponizing him since he was like four. GOD T^T). however i will also accept bi reinhard (bc reinhard x emilia. their parallels are fun.)

Gender Headcanon: if he doesnt got a Bit of gender going on, how come he also got the nonbinary flag color scheme?? (affectionate). i just think hes not Entirely cis okay. he probably hasnt even considered it much (bc hes repressed... bc Zero sense of self... someone pls help set him free) hes just kinda shrugged his shoulders and went "i GUESS i am a boy. do i mind? no. would i also like to Not be a boy? thatd be pretty neat too. anything goes. all of the above?? *insert thinking emote*". i simply think he is everything everywhere all at once.

A ship I have with said character: i AM fond of reinsuba!! i just like how much they foil each other (being able to die but unable to stay dead due to higher powers, subarus loving family vs reinhards mess of a family, hero expectations, both of them having their moms eyes but their dads hair and color palette, wilhelm favoring subaru over reinhard, heinkel and subaru's similarities, reinsuba both being loved by the world, the various if reinsuba dynamics that occur -)

BUT reinsuba is popular. i am here to spread my ultimate beloved reinhard ship agenda - REINHARD AND JULIUS. i made like a Long text post on them a while back but okay im INSANE over their dynamic fr. theres so much potential there. their dynamic is so complicated, and theres like such an Unevenness to their relationship from the get go because reinhard and julius dont even have the same STORY in line when it comes to how they even met each other?? like reinhard thinks he met julius when he (reinhard) was 14 and they were just knights in training.

JULIUS HOWEVER remembers that he was ten when he learned of reinhard (who was eight at the time) and reinhard singlehandedly crushed julius's knighthood dreams because julius will NEVER measure up to reinhard's level. and you can see it in the way he talks about reinhard when reinhard isnt there - especially in his conversations with subaru about reinhard in arc 5 and 6. theres a fondness there, because julius really does care about reinhard, but theres So Much distance. reinhard has always been above julius - in power levels, but also you get the sense that they are just Not Close. theyre friends, but theyre not Super Intimate, though it feels like julius kind of Aches to be at least a little closer, u know? bc julius doesnt feel like theyre equals. but it feels like to reinhard, hes just kinda head empty and he Already thinks he and julius are equals - reinhard might even be a little jealous about julius and joshuas relationship because reinhard is oblivious and doesnt know ANY of the details. reinhard just sees julius and joshua and goes oh theyre good brothers <3 its good they have each other.

AND its like.... reinhard x julius would be like that kind of childhood friend that you end up pining for, but for Multiple Reasons (bc reinjuli are both extremely Repressed with their own Traumas, julius doesnt feel like he'll ever be equal to reinhard perhaps, reinhard having such a loose sense of self probably. bc hes been taught to only think of himself through what he can do for other people) it never works out. neither party confesses to the other. neither of them get any closer than Just surface level friends that just pine from a distance. and this is further destroyed by the fact that 1. the fact that reinhard considers subaru a best friend when they REALLY have not talked that much and then 2. subaru being closer with julius while subarus friendship with reinhard isnt so intimate and then 3. subaru and julius, after julius's name gets erased, thinks that reinhard, AKA the sword saint, would be the person with the greatest chance of remembering julius, right?

and then reinhard doesnt remember julius at all. it just. URHG. there is so much tragedy to reinhard and julius's relationship. and i really do think that its possible reinhard, just as julius has, may have felt a tiny bit of jealousy towards julius - on the surface, it looks like julius has/had it all. a younger brother that seemingly adores him, and previously, julius had his two parents before they died, and julius had his uncle. julius is able to be a knight with a little less of the restraints and expectations that reinhard has. julius is able to be Normal but still be a knight...

oh and also. previously mentioned reinhard x emilia (foils bc. family drama given the sirius=fortuna theory and petelgeuse... being doormats... dehumanization, except emilia is in the shadow of satella and therefore Hated by many while reinhard is the Hero and thats all he'll ever be... struggling with doing things on their own in the sense that they Are used to doing what theyre told or expected to do a lot bc of others speaking over them? etc). reinhard/emilia/subaru is great too. yes. good stuff. they can fit so much foils and trauma and power dynamics between all three of them.

A BROTP I have with said character: reinhard and felt ALL the way... which i know other people have mentioned pfft but its true. theyre great. i will mention reinhard and felix also though!!!! aaa i just think reinhard and felix and julius forming a little trio is cute tho they do love each other <33 and reinhard is. such a doormat. like he folds like a paper towel :((( bc of Psychological Trauma. and bc hes a poor little meow meow. MEANWHILE felix is definitely more honest and absolutely will call out on any bullshit. reinhard is softer and more strained while felix Is Not. i like the balance they have. and i DO like to think felix seethes at least a little bit inside seeing wilhelm everyday. no way felix isnt at least a tiny bit defensive, given wilhelms prior treatment of reinhard and also wilhelm fighting AGAINST DEMIHUMANS IN THE DEMIHUMAN WAR.....

A NOTP I have with said character: PLEASE not reinhard x felt. PLEASE. she is like fifteen and he is like twenty T^TTT pls. they are SIBLINGS. she is his new little sister!!!

A random headcanon: ive done a few doodles of this before but - reinhard mustve been a little unhinged as a kid. i mean in the sense that Before Shit Hit The Fan, reinhard was just your average little kid, not traumatized Yet, right? raising a Normal kid that doesnt have superpowers is tough. AND THEN YOU HAVE REINHARD. mr. "i can get any divine protection ever the moment i specifically need it". im talking like - wild shit mustve happened. and it DID, because *insert the entire once upon a time in lugunica side story here*. but i also mean weird things like little baby reinhard mysteriously ending up on the mansion rooftop. reinhard tugging on his dads cloak and going "papa pls look at what i drew :D" - which is normal little kid stuff until he shows his paper and WOAH WHAT THE FUCK A HYPERREALISTIC DRAWING IN CRAYON?? YOURE LIKE THREE YEARS OLD??? or reinhard just climbing onto chandeliers hanging from a very high ceiling. or reinhard trying to play tag and then u fucking blink once and suddenly hes run like an entire mile away with no issue. you gift him a stuffed animal and he accidentally hugs it too hard and cotton explodes everywhere. that sort of thing. giving a child superpowers is a recipe for disaster and theyre all lucky reinhard was a very timid and sweet kid.

General Opinion over said character:

he is the poorest little meow meow. he is so kind and sweet despite his whole upbringing and the fact that people keep trying to make him into a tool to use. his monster complex makes me sad :((( he deserves the world and the world loves him but he is So So Alone because of the world's love. he needs a hug :((( i hope he gets ALL the development... ALL the happiness eventually.... and ALSO i am hyped for when we finally get reinhards POV in the story!!! you ALWAYS get the sense that hes untouchable while simultaneously being Human and im so sad about all the dehumanization hes faced and it is just so sad about how so many of the things he says is like a cry for help. and there Is No Helping Him Atm bc the kingdom has him in a vice grip. and hes still so loyal to his family, who absolutely hate him. and hes expected to have kids - hes the same age as his fucking frozen in time mom now - to pass on the sword saint dp but like he must be afraid of fucking up his kids too :(( of having to pass down that power and put the same pressure he faced On His Kids Now :((((((( i just wish him the best!!! but let me just *squeezes him like a chew toy first*

[willowser]

I dont think you're specifically asking me but I'll answer this is the same anon. I think Dabi would be really disappointed in himself. There are few times in his life where he felt true genuine guilt. This is one of them. And at first I think he would feel sympathy for Endeavor but then and this might be a hot take I think he would be even more shitty because Dabi, who thinks of himself as a horrible guy scum of the Earth recognized he hurt his children and INSTANTLY corrected it. Just one second of knowing he caused his daughter unintentional pain killed him so how the hell could Endeavor go years doing it on purpose and not feel anything it takes a true devil to do that. So I think it heals Dabi a little bit to be honest. Because that is a true testament that he's nothing like his dad.

PS. Dabi goes to therapy unlike endeavor

(this is my own trauma skip if you only want the drabble. I feel this happens with a lot of parent child relationships the parent will say "wait until you have a child and then you'll see I was right" but for most people it only makes them realize just how bad their parents are. I don't even have a biological child but I have taken care of the same child for years through work and if I ever did anything to hurt him I would have hated myself and did whatever I could to fix it. It just made me think how could a mother do what mine did and I think Dabi would feel the same way.

I'll just sign off with this - :)

in regards to this

WAAAHHH, ouch that would really hurt, i think 🥺🥺 to realize how much he's hurt his lil girl unintentionally and to feel like absolute GARBAGE over it — and then for him to have to come to terms with the fact that his own father did it intentionally, to his multiple children, for YEARS. ow ow ow ow akfjdkfkka no, but that is so true; i think once he got over that little trauma hump LOL i so agree that it would help him to realize he's nothing like his dad.

also YOU'RE SO RIGHT THAT HE GOES TO THERAPY AKFBEIEMAKAL and his therapist is so proud of him for making that discovery 😌😌

[damn-stark]

Please the way i am really wanting to see Reiner take a break from the group of ambassadors to be the first to solo follow after Cherry after she left to go home but also i’m on the fence about the idea..

you’ve built their relationship and interactions up so well from the beginning to current which is why i’m so on the fence about verbalizing my partial (?) want.

i think that neither of them ever had a real moment of both being mentally and emotionally stable together, IE; when Reiner was undercover he carried his guilt, plus dealing with the mental switch between solider and warrior, the reveal ruined them both, Marley arc they both were going through separate issues, the night when Yelena helped reveal the truth on the entirety of Marcos death, Reiner and Cherry have never gotten a moment after cadet training and beginning of joining the scouts where it could be 100% honesty. and while i know they are most likely are 95% not the endgame couple, it would be bittersweet to see them recover together before Jean comes back into cherrys life regardless of friendship or romantic feelings or none at all between Rei and Cherry, especially with what happened in the last chapter. If i remember the canon story correctly it was three years after the battle of heaven and earth that everyone goes back to Paradis, so there would be plenty of time for Rei to pop up somewhere inbetween, perhaps helping cherry with that land she mentioned in her letter to Levi, and attending therapy sessions together or alone just on the same days, of course i see Mikasa heavily supervising them for the first two weeks if not longer since cherry nearly killed the man and she knows how difficult it’s been for her cousin.

my reservations for mentioning the idea is the fact that Reiner and Cherry having time to heal together would mess with Jean’s head and emotions (whether he finds out before or after reiners there/been with her) and cause issues in the future but maybe that’s something that’s needed so everything can be put on the table..

I DONT KNOW UGH i don’t know how you can write so amazingly, anytime i try i get stuck on the many possibilities and can’t make a decision. I hope that this is not offensive to send, i’m not demanding you do this in anyway and it’s totally up to you if you do, or have soemthing similar! i love the story so far and can’t wait to see what else you continue with 💚🪽 have a great day love!

I’m gonna be real honest here where cherry is heading in her road to recovery, talking to Reiner in any way besides friendship will hold her back. She left Jean for a reason.

Plus she can’t do that to Jean! And as nice it would be for Reiner, I don’t think Cherry could ever forget him lying to her, she’d resent him even after growing past her trauma.

Maybe in another life they’re together though 😫

[sunny6677]

Flames.

Summary: Skid is saved from a situation he never thought he'd be in. But now he has to heal from everything he went through. And he doesn't know how.

Chapter 12: A Memory.

TWS: SKID HAS A FLASHBACK AGAIN, SKID DISSOCIATES????, KIDNAPPING IMPLICATIONS, TRAUMA IMPLICATIONS, VERY STRONG CHILD ABUSE IMPLICATIONS, IMPLIED PHYSICAL ABUSE, PROFANITY, SKID IS VERY TRAUMATIZED AND ANXIOUS, SELF BLAME.

(SERIOUSLY. SKID GOES THROUGH A LOT IN THIS SHIT. BE WARNED. YES, THIS IS A STORY ABOUT HIM SLOWLY HEALING FROM HIS TRAUMA, OR AT LEAST TRYING TO. BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN ITS NOT SOMEWHAT DARK. BE WARNED. DONT WORRY THOUGH, IT DOESNT ROMANTICIZE ANY OF THE DARK THINGS IN IT THOUGH. IT IS POTRAYED AS A BAD THING. THIS IS JUST ABOUT SKID HEALING FROM A BAD EXPERIENCE.)

(I ALSO PARTIALLY WROTE THIS STORY TO KINDA COPE WITH MY TRAUMA, SINCE WRITING ABOUT PEOPLE SLOWLY HEALING FROM THEIR TRAUMA KINDA MAKES ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT MY OWN EXPERIENCES.)

————

For the rest of the night, Skid had temporarily slept inside of his mother's room.

His mother had a soft but comforting grip around him as he slept beside her, her face buried into the back of his head. He had stopped crying many minutes ago, yet his eyes still felt dry from the sheer amount of tears that had seeped out of his eyes. His tiny hand remained gripping on the sheets of the already dark bedroom. Skid tried his best to keep his eyes closed, considering anytime he did, his mind played tricks on him.

Often, this did occur even before he was.. taken. It was a natural thing for human beings to experience after all. If he kept his eyes open in the dark for too long, he would start to see things. He would think things would move, he'd think he'd see something lurking in the dark. But alas, it would always be nothing but his mind. For he was bound to either find out that it was merely the paranoia of his brain, or it was just some random object in the dark.

Skid opened his eyes for only a moment. He saw a silhouette of the coat rack beside the door, which his mother would often go to whenever she was throwing on clothes for work, or whenever it was cold outside.

Many coats hung on the frame of the coat rack, and Skid could recognize one of them as the one his mother wore whenever he went over to Pump's house that one time. He shivered a little, thinking of what had happened with that Happy Fella doll that very same night. Even if it had been a fairly long time ago, it still frightened him. And even if he remembered that the doll was basically dead due to he and Pump shoving it in the oven, he could still remember the way it melted. If he were the same as he had been then, he wouldn't feel scared. But now, it.. felt as if things were different.

He looked at the coat rack again. The frame of it oddly resembled a man. A tall man, in fact. It was only his imagination, of course. But he couldn't help but think it looked like a man. An oddly familiar frame of a man in fact.

...

He let out a small whimper, clenching his eyes shut. He gripped the sheets harder as a bead of sweat rolled down his cheek.

In response, his mother held him tighter, and gently rubbed his head. She softly shushed him, "..shhh.. its okay.". Skid would have pulled at his hair out of stress if it wasn't for the grip his mother had on him right now. "It was just a nightmare.. you're okay.." She whispered to him gently, rubbing her fingers through the tendrils of his hair still.

He didn't even bother to open his eyes. He didn't want to look at anything anymore. He just didn't want to see anything anymore. He didn't want to be anything anymore.

He didn't want to feel anything anymore.

————

Morning soon came, and sunlight poured upon the town from outside. Skid had already been out of bed, for he was awoken by his mother. His mother wouldn't be taking the day off of work like she did yesterday. He still felt a little ashamed of what he did yesterday. He caused a scene, and probably worried the heck out of Kevin. He freaked out more than he should have. Guilt coursed through him like a wave of thundering emotions ever still, pounding within him like the flap of a butterflys wings.

He wanted to apologize to Kevin for what happened yesterday, even if he had already. But he didn't know how he would if he couldn't even go to the candy store without causing such a ruckus over such a small thing. And as to what such a small thing was, he still didn't know.

His mother was still present, for it was morning, and soon she'd be taking him to Pump's house. After all, it was what was always done whenever she had to go to work. He'd be thrown under Mr. Wonder's care until she got back. Rays of light seeped from the window from outside. His mother was making him breakfast, and currently, he was in the kitchen. He was waiting for her to finish making breakfast, since he didn't want to make her angry or anything. Wait—no, no. She wouldn't be angry. She wasn't..

He shook his head. He was beginning to grow tired of his new anxieties.

His mother was beside the kitchen counter, seemingly making a simple stack of pancakes for both him and her. There were even two plates of crispy bacon beside the stack of pancakes. He couldn't really do much but watch in anticipation as she kept cooking. He wondered why and where she had gotten such good cooking skills sometimes. Was it a natural born skill for any type of parent? If so, then it certainly didn't count for..

He shook his head again. Now wasn't the time to be thinking such thoughts.

Eventually, upon hearing the sounds of the still sizzling bacon coming closer, he realized that his mother had been done with the cooking. He heard the clinking of the plate being placed upon the table. He blinked, contorting his head in the direction of where the plate had presumably been. His mother was now standing beside the table with a somewhat nervous smile. The plate now had both bacon and pancakes on it. He smiled, hunger aching within his stomach. A need for digestion coursed through him and splashed within like a writhing waterfall.

His mother then walked over to her chair, and sat in it, looking at him with an anxious gaze. Her hair was tied up in a ponytail, like it had been ever since he reunited with her. He wasn't really used to seeing her hair like that, considering he always remembered it being down. But it wasn't like he minded it or anything. It was just going to take some getting used to considering that within the few days Skid had been back, she never took it down.

Skid then grabbed weakly at a piece of bacon, and slowly pulled it towards his mouth. He took a small bite out of it, still a little paranoid of vomiting again. It was good. Just like all her cooking had been. The flavor washed within Skid's mouth, feeling like a liquid of heaven had been spilled upon him if only for a moment. If it were possible, he'd have stars in his eyes. Even so, he only took small bites out of it. It was weirdly funny. Had he been the same as he was before he was taken, he would have basically consumed every bit of it already.

As he continued to eat, his mother spoke up. "So, uh.. are you excited to see your friend again?"

Skid paused. He then looked up at her, but only for a small moment. He quickly looked away again, averting his gaze. "U—Uh.. yeah, I am."

His mother went quiet for a moment. Skid could hear the close sounds of her silverware clinking against the plate. "Are—are you sure? You don't look too excited."

Skid replied, "I—I am! I promise.. I just don't think I feel too good."

His mother went quiet again. "Well.. hey, I know things have been hard since you came back. But.. maybe seeing your friend will make you feel happy again!"

"Yeah.. if I don't ruin it this time." Skid mumbled softly under his breath.

"What was that?" His mother asked, seeming curious.

His trembling voice immediately stammered back, "No—Nothing! Don't worry about it.."

There was silence that filled the room once more.

"Sweetie.. are you sure you're okay?"

Skid gulped.

"..yeah, I'm okay. I promise.."

————

Skid had currently been in the living room by now. His mother was preparing herself to drop him off. He had been waiting for about 10 minutes right now, sitting in front of the couch as the artifical light from above still rained down upon him like an unnatural force.

He could hear the faint buzzing of it. It buzzed like a fly scattering around and searching for a way of its survival. The TV had been flipped to some random horror movie he hadn't exactly seen before. His mother hadn't turned it on for him. He had actually. He felt a little proud of himself for being able to do such a thing on his own. Perhaps he was more capable than he originally thought.

On the screen, there was a child character seemingly hiding from what Skid could obviously tell was a threat. The child character was in a closet as ominous ambience played on the movie. Skid cocked his head to the side, watching with nervous happiness. He felt almost nervous that he was happy. Anxious that he was happy. Fearful that he was happy. But he wasn't sure why.

Artificial light continued to buzz from above, immortal in sound. It would only ever stop if he turned the light off. But he had been too focused on the movie to really do that. Staring at the TV screen, he was continuing to watch the movie despite the internal dread he felt. Like something bad was about to happen.

The child character walked slowly off screen as ominous footsteps were heard in the background. There was a shadow of two feet walking by the door, stopping for only a moment, only to move again. The movie was doing an oddly good job at keeping the aura and feel of the whole scene ominous. Whoever the film director had been must have been really cool.. or at least that was what Skid had thought to himself.

The child character let out a sigh of relief. Skid watched with raised shoulders, his hands clenching onto his legs. He was internally preparing for some kind of jumpscare. Despite his now anxious nature, he couldn't help but feel a little excited. He always got some sort of childish glee out of horror movies after all. As he watched with bated breath, the child character began to walk toward the door slowly, as if to walk out. Slowly, slowly. Closer, closer. Skid's eyes shimmered with delight as if seemingly built up to the jumpscare.

Yet as the child character got close to the door, and slowly wrapped their hand around the door handle.. nothing happened. No jumpscare had occurred. Skid felt confused, wondering why it hadn't followed the usual horror movie trope of unnecessary scares. That was what he loved about horror movies after all. He cocked his head to the side a few more inches, arching his brow. The child character slowly peeked out of the door, a dark hallway being revealed as they held a flashlight up nervously. Nothing else had occurred but the sound of complete silence.

The child character began to slowly walk out of the door, seemingly aiming to find some way of quietly escaping. They continued to walk, trying to be quiet. The film could pick up the sounds of their footsteps making the wood planks creak. Though as they did, they suddenly stopped in their tracks. Despite Skid's confusion, he continued to watch with great curiosity, wondering what they had seen.

The child character looked downwards at whatever they had seen. They had stepped on something. The camera slowly panned to what appeared to be.. an ominous child-like drawing of some kind. A.. A drawing. A paper with a badly drawn horrific figure of a man upon it and some child.

Skid continued to look at the screen, almost hypnotized. A feeling of sticky dread made its way to his head, making it feel as if he was experiencing some kind of pain within. He held his tiny hand to his forehead, and pressed his palm against his skin. What was this feeling? A coat of sweat began to form on Skid's face as he tried to keep looking at the screen, but he just couldn't pay attention. And.. and he didn't know why he couldn't.

A flash of a memory them occurred within his mind. It was something he already remembered, but it felt.. vivid for some reason now. Like he was experiencing it again. In his memory, he could internally see.. Keender. He could internally picture himself sitting in the dirty living room of Keender's house, drawing on a slightly ripped piece of paper. The paper had been ripped because Skid had struggled to get it out from where he found it.

He remembered what he drew. Sort of, anyway. It was a drawing of him inside of the house, and a drawing of Keender right next to him. He drew himself frowning with tears pouring out of his eyes. Keender had been standing next to him in the drawing, bared teeth in his snarl. He looked abnormally big in the drawing, and Skid wasn't sure why. He seemed as tall as the house even, yet somehow he still looked to fit inside.

A feeling of dread began to internally overwhelm him. The memory kept flashing at him. He remembered Keender coming in with a rough pound of his footsteps hitting the ground as if he were smacking it with his bare hands. Keender had always walked like that, and due to it, Skid couldn't ever really tell if he was angry or not.

He could see Keender's irritated expression within his mind, his teeth bared just like the drawing. He was angry. Skid knew it so. Skid felt a wave of anxiety flush through him, just like it had then. He remembered looking at Keender for only a moment, before looking away. He could recall Keender cursing under his breath, saying something along the lines of, "God.. its fucking hot.. its warmer than the fires of hell.. I swear to.."

He could remember Keender then going quiet, and the feeling of intense anxiety splashing over him whenever he felt his gaze set upon him. He remembered Keender growling, saying between angered gasps, "What the fuck do you think you're doing, kid? Where'd you get that paper from?"

Skid could remember him not being able to answer, for he was too frightened. Nothing else came out of his mouth but a short gasp. He remembered looking up at Keender, or at least forcing himself to. Finally, after a bit, he remembered himself saying in a meek tone, "..I.. I dunno." It was a lie, obviously. But it was an automatic response to Keender's anger that he couldn't really help but say.

"Bullshit.." Keender would curse behind his tone of anger, "Give that here!"

Keender then suddenly launched foward, and grabbed the paper before Skid could even take it from him. Skid wouldn't even dare try, for he feared being hurt again. He feared the feeling of Keender's sharp and painful slaps. Skid couldn't remember what else had really happened in that moment. No.. no, wait.. he could.

He could remember Keender looking at the drawing, only to look at him with a sharp and angry gaze. Skid remembered that automatically, an apology began to slip out of his mouth. And then.. Keender's hand had suddenly balled up and began to move closer to his face in an agonizing move of harm—

"Sweetie! I'm done changing! Are you ready to go see your friend?"

Skid blinked, suddenly snapped out of his memory. His head contorted to the direction of the voice, only to realize that it was his mother speaking from another room. She sounded as if she were nearby, most likely near the entrance already. Skid then felt sharp pants slipping from out of his tiny mouth, feeling as if he had just ran some sort of marathon. A bead of sweat was still rolling down his skin as he looked on with anxious eyes. His pupils were shaking with a blinding tint of fear.

Yet even so, he gulped, keeping down the urge to cry once more. He wasn't going to ruin everything. He couldn't ruin everything again.

Ignoring the agonizing memory the best he could in his mind, he spoke the best he could in a steady voice, and said, "Ye—Yeah! Coming, mom!"

//////////////////////

E

[charrxoxo]

hi im spamming

another alnst paragraph since im going feral, this is my theory about the round that never happened.

ROUND 4 !!

so we know round 4 was supposed to be luka, and someone else now i have a few theories, so let me cook ok, OK?

theory 1. - so we're gonna call this favourtism, so maybe since its well known that luka is super popular and already won the last season of alnst, maybe they decided he can skip the first round, which i can see happening but at the same time its a little questionable yk, but i have some claims regarding why i think this, one of them being because in round 5 when luka walks on the stage the crowd goes absolutely feral, so maybe they already knew the outcome of his round and decided "eh fuck it".

theory 2. - murderous intent with a side of trauma,, so we know that luka kills hyuna's brother as seen in all-in. SO i think that the reason it couldve happened is because of what happened with hyuna and luka, so maybe her brother found out and got super mad and ofc fought luka resulting in his death, OR luka taunted hyunas brother, making him cause a fight and ofc if luka fought back at that point its self defense, plus like with lukas whole doll looking get up all the time, yk with the frilly sleeves, shirt thats too big, the fact hes the only one in socks, his body language as a whole is made up of "im soft but will bite" so no one would realistically suspect him of taunting hyunas brothjer to hit, and with how popular luka is, why would they do anything to ruin his reputation, he probably makes his owner billions, so its plausible that her brother was taunted so luka could have an easy win, BECAUSE i dont remember what video, but you see a faint image of a male opponent next to luka in what was supposed to round 4 AND THAT MALE LOOKS LIKE HYUNAS BROTHER, so i think it could be taunting.

theory 3. - it all works out,,, this one is a little out there i find, unlike the last one, but maybe round 4 never happened because lukas opponent was supposed to be hyuna, but she escaped before the round happened saving basically both of them, motive for escaping seems obvious, she was haunted by her brothers death, plus what luka did to her, plus the concept of the game as a whole is freighting, so she had plenty of motive, and what better time to do it right before shes about to preform, and then the song all-in i think is supposed to be a stand-in for round 4, and instead of her singing for her life shes singing about how shes saved it, and its about her self-love not the romance she feels towards anyone else, like the other rounds, because round 1 is mizi and sua singing about their love for eachother, round 2, is tills love for mizi, round 3, ivans love for till, round 4 is now luka taunting mizis loss of sua, and round 6 is a proclaimation of love through sacrifice, and all-in is about self-love which is very sweet honestly.

[freckledbastard]

i guess if i had to sum up my feelings on ffvii rebirth, it would be like this: for the most part the game was incredible, but the way side quests were tied to affection points actively discourages players from completing any said side quests until after the gold saucer date scene had played out.

BIG SPOILERS FOR REBIRTH ENDING (warning: this gets rambly the way my posts always do - oh god its so long)

a bigger thing is of course, what everyone is talking about: the ending. they were so desperate to do a will they-wont they with aerith's death and in the end the answer to 'is aerith going to die' was... kinda.

i couldnt quite tell you what actually happened, but this is my current understanding. cloud simultaneously saves/fails to save aerith, which two timelines crashing into each other at the same time? or at the very least, the timeline cloud could see (where he manages to save aerith) is NOT the same as everyone else (who are experiencing the timeline where aerith dies) which is annoying, because it means we don't get to see the classic scene of cloud slowly lowering aerith's body into the lifestream EVEN THOUGH THATS SUCH A CLASSIC FFVII MOMENT.

but it also kind of funny, because everyone else is crying and cloud is just... so chill. and he warns everyone not to look up at the sky (where it's cracking due to timeline shenanigans) and then when they look up and see nothing clouds like EXACTLY. its an illusion and dont trust it. and spirit!aerith is going around and saying her goodbyes to everyone, not that they can see her, and cloud is still chilling because i guess to him, she's just staying back to focus on her praying? while everyone else is actively mourning her.

sephiroth's manipulations of cloud in this game sure was something as well. my man was going out of his WAY to gaslight/mentally traumatise cloud good lord. sephiroth reminded me a bit of godzilla from minus one because everytime cloud experienced any sort of happiness sephiroth was there to either actively fuck things up or to stand there menacingly and tell cloud to enjoy being happy while he can

also poor tifa good lord my girl is going through it. when cloud is like i remember zack omg shes like oh?? and clouds like yeah i let him be washed away in the river in nibelheim :'( and you can SEE her thinking 'no!!!!!! no!!!!! cloud that's not right at all!!!!!!!'

the thing with her in the lifestream though.... that was odd. and kinda felt unnecessary and like it was there to add some sort of plot related to the overall story - since otherwise the plot is very hmmm what should we do next.... just like og 1997 version.

idk, the whole timeline thing is weird. ALSO the fact that in the zack timeline, nanaki gives his life to try and save aerith and zack just goes thank you and runs off with aerith when i tell you i was screaming at the tv like ZACK NANAKI ISNT DEAD YET like i get after all the trauma he'd gone through he didn't want anything to happen to aerith and was even willing to dump clouds comatose body into kyries arms (who he didn't know) to run after aerith - which btw already made me sad like i get it!!! i get it!!!!!!! i too would singlehandedly devote everything to saving aerith but as a cloud and nanaki lover i was v sad!!!! anyway then when they kept shifting from the actual story to the zack cutscenes i was like im sorry zack but i dont actually care that much about this side plot i want to get back to cloud.

going back to the ending, i laughed a little when in the fight against sephiroth hes trying to manipulate cloud again but clouds like nuh uh thats not gonna work on me anymore!!!!! and then the ending cutscene shows cloud discovering he has the black materia on him, him saying 'reunion...' and then combining the black materia into his blade and knowing exactly where sephiroth is and its definitely due to SOLDIER intuition and nothing more i swear guys. cloud im so sorry you're definitely still being puppeted. also also i saw the japanese version of the scene where sephiroth first calls cloud a puppet and the build up is sepiroth saying that cloud doesnt actually experience emotions and he's deluding himself if he thinks they're real and in english he says 'for you're nothing more than a puppet. MY puppet' which is already fantastic, but in the japanese version instead hes like 'how cute, my empty puppet' which is even BETTER. please call cloud kawaii again sephiroth we love toxic yaoi in this household.

genesis wasnt in the game which im genuinely disappointed about. since crisis core reunion was remastered and theres a scene in the gacha game where sephiroth is trying to call genesis i thought there was high chance of him in the game. CLOUD THINKS HES DEGRADING (hes definitely not) AND THERE WAS NO GENESIS. no way hes not in the next game theres not a chance he's not. please i need cloud and genesis to look at each other and say lines please squeenix im begging you let my rare pair be vindicated in some way

speaking of rare pairs, vincent and cloud. they looked at each other and talked which basically means they're canon. vincents waist is SO tiny i was shooketh and then i saw how broad his shoulders were and I WAS SHOOKETH AGAIN actual dorito man.... hes so edgy in this game i was laughing at him so hard, shadow the hedgehog ass. when he gets on the plane and is like im joining you and clouds like 'if you betray us you're dead' i was thinking cloud sweetie im so sorry but if anyone is doing the betraying (unintentional or otherwise) its you

uhhhhhh what else. i went with nanaki for my gold saucer date which was v cute. cloud and nanaki had a handshake and cloud was like oh.. they ARE soft.... in relation to his paws which so soooo cuteeee. my team was cloud yuffie and nanaki. it'll be tough when part 3 comes out, because cloud and vincent are 100% permanent, but idk who will be the third person....

also is sephiroth trying to become the ruler of all the differ- wait sorry pivot, i just remembered zack and cloud fighting together against sephiroth, which is pretty funny because cloud still doesn't actually remember who zack is, not really. to him they're friends yeah, but friends because they were both in SOLDIER and cloud was unable to save him from being swept away from the river. meanwhile to zack, cloud is his dear friend but a friend he managed to save at the end of crisis core and is confused as to how biggs knows him. sephiroth is the ONLY one who actually knows what the hell is going on but hes sure as hell not saying anything because anything that makes cloud more susceptible to being sephiroth's is a win in his book ANYWAY sephiroth trying to take over all the different timelines? i guess?

ALSO ROCHE. theres NO WAY roche would have volunteered to be hojo's test subject like that theres literally no way. my personal theory is that sephiroth saw that cloud was experiencing positive emotions when he was with roche and his possessiveness flared up and he used the jenova cells in roche's body to basically make him volunteer to be hojos lab rat. anyway rip roche's mind, hes gone from us another one lost to the reunion i was so sad i loved roche i thought he was a lotta fun and a great new character, but of course that wasnt meant to be

im sure there are other things i wanted to say but im drawing a blank.

i did actually really really enjoy the game! i thought it was amazing, the combat was super fun i enjoyed the exploring (although as much as i like chadley i wish hed stop asking about the protorelics), the voice acting was incredible for the most part the story was really really good. i would HIGHLY recommend this game, even if you're not a big ffvii fan its so incredibly made and clearly made with a lot of love

my only real caveats are again, side quests being tied to the affection meter and them trying super hard to will they wont they with aeriths death to the point that they technically didnt commit either way

[namazunomegami]

https://www.tumblr.com/namazunomegami/743754459269693440/httpswwwtumblrcomnamazunomegami7436814574012?source=share

you compliment me way too much for my own good lol. be careful now, I might blush 😳.

You mentioned that you feel that Gojo either has low empathy or little to no empathy at all and how he possibly may have a personality disorder (and I 100% agree that PDs are not inherently bad and that pw personality disorders are not inherently bad people).

I agree with you, I do feel like Gojo, due to his positioning and power in Jujutsu society, is actually pretty shitty at empathising with others, namely Shoko and Geto during the low moments of their lives. I think that as he got older, he definitely became better at cognitively empathising with others (his students), but I’m not sure if he could even experience emotional empathy.

Assuming he has little to none of that, I wonder how that would impact how he experiences grief. The fandom headcanons that Gojo was super torn up about Geto’s death and the shit that took place, but I’m not sure.

I’m being an idiot here but is Gojo even capable of being depressed or traumatised?

The reason I ask this is because trauma quite literally deteriorates the brain and impairs cognitive function. With Gojo constantly using Reversed Cursed Technique on himself to counteract the effects of Limitless on his body and brain, he technically should not even be able to be traumatised or depressed. If we’re going by how he canonically uses his powers, he possibly can’t experience any form of mental decline. This makes the divergence of Gojo, Geto, and Shoko’s life paths make so much more sense. Geto and Shoko could not mentally handle the pressure of the Jujutsu world the same way that Gojo could. They both needed coping mechanisms. Geto coped by blaming everything on humans and started a cult. Shoko… smokes. Geto and Shoko were affected mentally by the shit that goes on in the Jujutsu world, but is Gojo even capable of mentally deteriorating if his brain is constantly refreshed to the point that he doesn’t even NEED to sleep? Sleep is a CHOICE for Gojo. I can’t even pull all nighters!

Maybe I’m dumb and skimmed through the manga, but I don’t think there’s ever a moment in which Gojo stops using his powers. I mean, he obviously can’t turn off six eyes, but I’m talking about Limitless/Infinity. We know that he has the ability to be selective with it, like a selectively permeable membrane, but I don’t think he’s ever fully turned it OFF.

I wonder, if he turned it off completely, would everything that he’s experienced mentally catch up with him or would he be affected by everything going forward? Idk.

TL:DR- DOES GOJO EXPERIENCE TRAUMA OR DEPRESSION? I DONT THINK SO.

I’m analysing this way too much. I’m sure even Gege didn’t think of this lol. If Gege wanted him too, I’m sure Gojo could experience whatever trauma and emotions and whatever. But I’m just thinking about how his canonical usage of his powers impacts his brain and cognitive function.

Teehee, go on, blush 💕

I’m sorry nonnie but I’m gonna be professional with this answer.

People with personality disorders that limits their empathic skills feel grief and can be traumatised the same way as others. In fact, I know a narcissistic individual who was very shaken when they lost their father.

Let’s say that one day I’m gonna graduate finally: well, my specialisation is focused on helping individuals with behavioural disorders, ADHD, emotional disorders and we meet with a lot of heavily traumatised clients because we can work together with CPS.

With that in mind and adding my experiences out on the field, trauma is much more than brain and cognitive damage. So, even if Gojo can somehow maintain his brain activity at a 100% healthy and fresh level, I believe he can be traumatised too.

I mean, when he gets put into the box he legit has a PTSDesque flashback. Though it’s an unconventional one. It’s more like a reverse flashback. Because he relives the positive memories, the happy moments, when everything was alright and peaceful. While, in a typical flashback you only see the negative experiences, the worst things ever happened to you and you feel the same pain it doesn’t matter how many months or years have passed it still torments you.

So… I’m kinda agreeing and respectfully disagreeing with you at the same time lmao.

Oh and if you mentioned Shoko… My girl’s not just smoking, she’s a heavy drinker and rarely gets enough sleep. The self-soothing is now accelerated into self-destructing.

And it’s a headcannon of mine, but I think Geto’s sleep schedule is fucked at best. I think he frequently has nightmares, or he’s just tossing and turning for hours and then he can hardly wake up in the morning.