#and the fact that adam knew that ronans feelings were not to be played with and that it was so fragile and he was so careful im crying | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

happyandticklish · 3 years

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Careless Intimacy

Notes: Me? Writing a soft fic for Declan instead of all the requests I have lined up? More likely than you might think.

I’m sorry your honor, I simply love him.

Summary: Declan never allowed anyone to enter his life—until Jordan came along.

An invitation to dinner with the Lynches was a harrowing affair. Few came and even less were allowed to stay. One Lynch was manageable enough, considering you had the proper fore knowledge. Two at once and you walked the razor’s edge. Putting three in a room together was a death wish.

Yet Declan had asked Jordan to come. It was the first girl—the first person, really—that he had ever deigned to bring home. There had been many before Jordan, but Declan had never allowed himself to grow fond enough of any of them to breach that particular gap. There had been an attempt made to do the same with Jordan, but for some reason he had found it difficult not to give into that vague yet dangerous grin, the lingering touches that left him wanting more. Even after he discovered what she was, a dream, an imitation, he found it didn’t change anything. She was still Jordan to him, even if the name ended in Hennessy.

Now, pulling anxious fingers through his hair in an attempt to smooth out the already perfect curls, he wondered why he had decided to put himself through this.

“It won’t be nice,” he warned her. “Ronan can be—”

“I know,” she responded with a wry grin. “I have met the boy before.”

He kept sneaking glances over at her where she sat on the bed. She wore a shirt she had cut holes and stitches into, making it hang dangerously high, and a skirt that cascaded in waves down her legs, parting in moments so that he could see the sudden flash of an ankle or a kneecap. He swallowed, forcing his gaze away.

“I don’t mean like that,” he corrected, needing her to understand that while Ronan was the cutting edge of a knife while alone, he became a bombshell when cornered. “We don’t exactly get along.”

“Family can be complicated.”

“No, family is complicated. Lynches are catastrophes waiting to happen.”

“And you are dramatic,” Jordan replied with a roll of her eyes, stretching her body from the bed in one fluid motion and coming to stand besides him. Together they stared at Declan’s reflection in the mirror. Two sets of eyes, one cautious, one amused. “Whatever it is, I’m certain I can handle it.”

Declan couldn’t find the same conviction in himself.

Surprisingly, Ronan had shown up. Or rather stayed. Every month or so Declan liked to arrange a family dinner between the three of them, and seeing as Ronan refused to come to Declan’s loft, it was usually held at the Barns. Despite this, Ronan often found excuses to get out of the dinners, or simply skipped with no explanation. Declan had failed to mention the fact that he would be bringing an added guest to him, worried it would make his constant absences worse.

Throwing open the door with a wild abandon that only he could accomplish, Ronan raised his eyebrows as he was met with the sight of them.

“Declan.” His gaze slitted over to her, calculating. In the background, Declan could hear the vague sounds of music, though the words and rhythm were unidentifiable from their position in the doorway. “Hennessy.”

“Jordan,” she corrected swiftly. “The double, or fake, if you will. I would ask that you make an effort to remember it. I might be here a while.”

Her tone implied here was more than just that dinner, that night.

“Jordan,” he adjusted with a grin. “I thought we weren’t supposed to bring guests.”

“We never specified,” Declan cut in.

“It was implied.”

“Didn’t you bring Adam to the last one?”

“Adam isn’t a guest.”

“Neither is Jordan.”

The two held eye contact for a tense moment. Jordan watched their dance, pride and amusement flickering over her expressions. For some reason, the sight made Declan’s heart skip a beat in his chest. He cleared his throat, unnecessarily, and moved past Ronan. Jordan followed, patting Ronan lightly on the shoulder as she went. Declan choked on a tiny laugh that he quickly swallowed down, remembering that this night was supposed to be civil.

Declan had not expected dinner to be prepared as Ronan rarely deigned to set foot in a kitchen, but he had clearly miscalculated for the involvement of Matthew. The kitchen itself was a tatterdemalion of ingredients and forgotten, dusted off baking tools. There was flour scattered over the counter, a bowl of poorly mixed batter sitting in the center of it. The oven was on, but whether or not anything was actually cooking inside of it was unclear. The music was coming from a radio in the kitchen, though radio was a vague term for what it was. It was one of Neill’s inventions, an old-timey radio that played the desired music of its user, regardless of genre, era, or existence. Right now, it shrieked something upbeat with a pounding bass that Matthew merrily danced around the kitchen to. His eyes widened when he noticed them, a wild and infectious grin taking over his features.

“Declan!” he exclaimed, moving to hug him but not entirely stopping his dance so that he half swung the other around when he did. He noticed Jordan with a smile. “Declan’s friend!”

“What are you… doing?” Declan asked slowly, disentangling himself and examining the scene.

“I’m making scones.”

“Scones?”

“Scones,” Matthew agreed.

“For dinner?”

“He wanted to help,” Ronan interjected, swinging around into the kitchen. He leaned on the counter, plucking a strawberry from the mess and swallowing the whole thing in one bite, his words coming out slightly muffled as he continued. “Is there a problem with that?”

Declan could feel the crease of exhaustion between his brows, but before he could speak, Jordan moved forward, her presence easy and light. “I love scones. Sometimes Hennessy would buy some for us when she was feeling charitable that night, or to be more specific, guilty. Do you mind if I help, Matthew?”

Matthew’s grin grew wider if that was possible. “Yeah! I’ve already started on a batch—it’s in the oven right now.”

Jordan leaned down cautiously, opening up the oven to reveal a tray of black, gooey clumps. “No offense Matthew, you seem nice, but these are shit. There is no way we could possibly ingest this into our bodies.”

Declan’s stomach dropped to the floor at her words, words that in a million years he would never have the confidence to reveal. He stepped forward to intervene, but Jordan was already continuing, taking the tray out with a towel in place of a missing hot pad. “Why don’t I help you make some new ones? Ronan here can help.”

Ronan made a disgusted noise at the idea, but Matthew merely shrugged, dumping the burnt tray into the trash. “Alright. I’m terrible at cooking anyway. So, where do we start?”

Declan watched as the three of them set into motion, bustling about the kitchen and grabbing out proper ingredients. Even Ronan helped clear the counters, with a moody reluctance. Slowly, a weight on his shoulders lifted and he allowed himself to let out a soft sigh of relief, grabbing out plates for the table.

The scones turned out halfway decent due to Jordan’s involvement; it had quickly became clear that she too possessed minimal knowledge of baking, but with the three of them combined everything had turned out alright. Sitting around civilly at a table eating scones had certainly not been the way Declan had predicted the night to turn out, but he couldn’t say he minded it.

As Ronan and Matthew chatted idly between the two of them, Jordan nudged his shoulder subtly. “You should smile,” she whispered, her lips quirking into one herself as she spoke the words. “I know you’re enjoying yourself, despite what you would like to think.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Declan recited, his face smooth except for the telltale twitch of his eyebrows. Deep down he knew what he was doing, but he refused to wise up to himself the game they were playing.

“Oh?” A quick tap against his leg that he recognized to be Jordan’s foot. “And what if I force you to give up this little charade of yours?”

Declan’s breath caught in his throat. Ronan glanced across the table at them, catching onto to their little whisper fest. “I’m trying to eat my dinner here, if you don’t mind. I’d prefer if you didn’t discuss your fucking plans at the table.”

Jordan snorted. Matthew’s eyes were wide with delight at the use of the word fuck at the dinner table. Declan kept a cool tone as he replied, “Last week I caught Adam with his tongue halfway down your throat at the supermarket, I hardly think I’m the one who needs to worry about decen—”

His words broke off into a strangled yelp as he felt Jordan’s foot once more, gently tracing a line up his leg. Her shot her a questioning glare and she simply shrugged, playing the innocent. Again her foot, dragging up and down, and quite suddenly Declan was aware of her play as his nerve endings sprung to life.

Declan was an amalgamation of secrets and Jordan had a tendency of discovering them. Last week had revealed one he had been hoping to hold on to for much, much longer, possibly forever—Declan Lynch was ticklish. Horridly ticklish. Unfairly ticklish. Ticklish in places that had no right to be so. And thusly as her foot traveled a lazy path along his calf and ankles, Declan found himself gripping his glass tighter, his lips screwing together into a repressed smile. He had hoped she had forgotten about this particular factoid of his person, seeing as she had left it alone for this long, but evidently she had simply been biding her time.

“Did the exorcism finally work?” Ronan asked, raising an eyebrow and reminding Declan that there were others still in the room with him. “Is the devil finally leaving your body for good?”

“Sorry to disappoint,” Declan gritted out. “Choked on water.”

“Damn.”

“Damn,” Matthew repeated solemnly, wanting to be included.

“As I was saying,” Declan continued tensely. “I hardly think you have any room to talk with the way you and Adam have been going at it like r-rabbits for the past week.”

Ronan leaned back in his chair, taking a large bite of scone off of Matthew’s plate. “My house, my rules.”

“Our house.”

“But you don’t live in it,” Ronan pointed out.

Declan was finding it difficult to concentrate as Jordan continued to circle this one spot on his ankle. A giggle was trapped in his throat, and he clamped down on his next sentence in an effort to keep it there.

Fortunately, Jordan saved him from having to respond but in the process presented him with a whole new realm of problems. “You know, you guys are always talking about Adam, and yet I still don’t know the first thing about him. Would you care to enlighten me on the subject?”

This last sentence was directed at Ronan, who found himself caught between the oppurtunity to discuss Adam and the mortifying ideal of being nice to a stranger. Meanwhile, Declan was quickly realizing just how long this dinner might take and weighing that against his ability to hold in his reactions. It wasn’t difficult to see he was fighting a losing battle.

He managed to last another couple minutes after Ronan gave in, the urge to brag about his boyfriend ultimately too strong to resist. Declan remained silent throughout the conversation, his fingers tapping out an anxious melody against the table as he fought to avoid the sensations. It was when Jordan swept a teasing touch up the underside of his shin suddenly that his resistance finally broke.

“Jordan,” he said firmly, launching suddenly up from the table and interrupting whatever Ronan had been about to say, a fact the other seemed less than pleased with. Even now, with annoyance ringing through his words, Declan still felt a strange thrill at saying her name. “I need to discuss something with you in the other room.”

The sparkle in her eyes said she knew exactly what he was doing. “Something you can’t say here at the table?”

He fixed her with a look.

She smirked.

He sighed and stalked from the room, knowing, in the end, that she would follow him.

She did.

“Get a room,” Ronan scoffed as they left.

Matthew gasped as he glanced down at his plate. “You’ve been stealing my scones!”

Meanwhile, Declan frowned down at Jordan as she pressed him against the wall the minute the two had retired upstairs. They had quickly found their way to a bedroom, though whose it was Declan couldn’t be certain. “That was entirely uncalled for.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she replied, hands already moving to his sides where they remained curled preemptively.

“Jordan,” he warned, his lips tugging up at the corners as he tensed under her touch. “Please.”

“Is the great Declan Lynch begging?”

“Of course not,” he scoffed, but then her fingers dug in with a light but vicious glee and his held-in laughter escaped him all at once in a startled burst. His legs weakened as he doubled up against her attack, his hands circling her wrists but doing little to stop her.

“W-Wahahait!” he protested, his words tripping over laughter. “Thihis ihihis—”

“Begging and giggling?” she exclaimed, not even attempting to hide the delight in her voice. “And I was certain this night couldn’t get any better.”

“Johohordan!”

“Declan,” she mocked teasingly.

His name spoken between those lips felt like a fatal misstep on the stairs, his stomach dropping and rising quickly in succession. A flush scattered across his cheeks, tinging the tips of his ears pink. He wasn’t used to feeling like this. He wasn’t supposed to lose control like this. It wasn’t supposed to feel like waves crashing inside him when he looked at her. It wasn’t supposed to be wild, uncontrolled laughter and fingers that wrenched any power he might have had away from him.

Despite this, as she led him to the bed, the two crashing gracelessly into it, he found he didn’t really mind the loss. There was something freeing about the sensation, unbearable and euphoric all at the same time—he wanted to hold onto that feeling for as long as he could. And so, despite the fact that he could stop her at any time, he fisted his hands in the sheets, closing his eyes and giving himself over to the moment. It was delightfully vulnerable and he wouldn’t have exchanged it for anything else in the world.

“Ohohoho mihihi gohohod!” he gasped, squirming as her fingers danced a waltz along his ribs. He was giggling, he realized, the sounds escaping him suddenly and not of his own volition. “Ihihit, ahaha—”

“Tickles?” she guessed.

“Y-Yeheheah!”

“That’s kind of the point here.” Her touch traveled carelessly along his torso which twitched and jerked helplessly underneath her. “You know, I’ve decided I like seeing you like this. We’ll have to do this more in the future.”

Declan huffed indignantly, but the sound was soon lost to a sudden yelp as her nails found their way to his hips, protected only by the thin dress shirt he had worn to the dinner. He lurched forward, grasping her wrists and pulling them away.

“No,” he said, his words breathless with a nervous smile. “Not there.”

Jordan appeared unbothered by her trapped hands, giving him a knowing look. “Is that a bad spot, then?”

“Possibly.”

“Then I think there is exactly where we need to explore.”

“Why do you insist on tormenting me in these ways?” he moaned, his words light as he dropped his forehead against hers. She leaned in, accepting the gesture and tilting her neck up to press a chaste kiss to his lips.

“Was that a no?” she whispered afterwards, her words a dare left hanging in the air. Declan had refused many a dare in the past, and prided himself on resisting their temptation. He knew if he wanted to, he could call this all off and go back to dinner once more.

But Declan was feeling reckless that night.

Moments later, laughter roared from his lips as he thrashed on the bed, wanting to crawl out of his own skin as thumbs pressed deviously into the divot of his hips. His hands fisted in his hair, stopping him from doing anything to prevent it. He didn’t protest for he had long since passed the ability for words. He had never needed anything to stop as bad as he did then, and yet he couldn’t bring himself to end it yet, not now, not when electricity soared in his veins.

They stayed like that for a while, just fingers on skin and laughter spilling helplessly from his lips in that forgotten bedroom. Dinner had quickly been forgotten by the both of them. Eventually Declan would return downstairs, hair disheveled and face flushed with Jordan at his side, as he fought for some explanation for their absence. Yet for now, he was content to lose himself to the moment and the intolerable sensations coursing throughout him.

Declan couldn’t imagine how he had ever thought this night would end badly.

#tickle fic #the raven cycle #declan lynch #tickling #trc #jordan hennessy #declan x jordan #ronan lynch #matthew lynch #the lynch brothers #fanfiction

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pynches · 4 years

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How to Seduce Ronan Lynch

a/n just a small idea that turned into a 3.7K fic... idk what happened either but ronan’s handkink is very apparent here so i’m not mad about it! thank you so much @hayleybot for beta-ing this fic for me and the little encouraging notes that made me feel a lot better about what i’ve written!

Adam should have seen it coming.

It felt inevitable now with the empty page in front of him, “How to Seduce Ronan Lynch” written at the top, but Adam, honestly, never thought he would fall for him. He figured that, after Blue, he would focus on school and fulfilling his life-long dream of getting out of Henrietta, but here he was, trying to come up with ways to make Ronan confess his feelings for him, if he had them that was.

He knew Ronan looked at him sometimes, always looking away when Adam gathered his courage to look back, but that didn’t mean he was actually attracted to him. Adam Parrish only dealt in certainties and Ronan Lynch wasn’t one. He couldn’t afford taking this risk and telling Ronan how he felt. Feelings were more Ronan’s forte even though he repressed them almost as much as Adam did. No, he couldn’t tell him, but he could try to push Ronan far enough to admit his possible feelings to which Adam could confess his own. It was foolproof, perfect, if only he could come up with seduction methods.

Adam gripped his pen a little tighter and tapped it against his lip, his mind working into overdrive. Maybe he was going about this wrong… Instead of focusing on how to seduce Ronan, maybe he had to tap into his core. His deepest desires. You would think Adam knew Ronan enough by now to know what those were, but he didn’t. Ronan was as much a mystery to him as Adam was to others.

He wished karma didn’t work as well as it did.

He could start simple, though. Maybe simple was enough. Maybe, trying to write down the entirety of Ronan onto a single paper was too ambitious, and he could start with the basics.

What did he know about Ronan Lynch?

1. Ronan likes the smell of gasoline.

Ronan’s car breaking down was bound to happen someday. Lucky enough for Adam, that day was sooner than later. He had set his sight on just fixing a car in Ronan’s presence, hoping it would awaken something in him, but the fact that it was his car he was fixing made it even better.

“How did you even manage to fuck up the motor this much?” Adam asked, staring at the mess that was the inside of Ronan’s dreamt up BMW. His father obviously knew nothing about cars, Adam couldn’t even find the brake fluid reservoir.

Ronan shrugged, watching him from the roll chair in the corner. “I was driving, and it started smoking.”

“Driving or racing?” Adam asked, a smirk pulling on his lips.

“Driving, you shit,” Ronan replied with a roll of his eyes though he didn’t sound angry. He hadn’t sounded angry in a while now that Adam thought about it.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Adam said, wiping his oil covered hands on a piece of cloth that he slung over his shoulder before he bent over the hood of the car again in a more exaggerated way than necessary. He had to force his features to remain neutral when he felt Ronan’s eyes follow the lines of his body.

He worked slower than was strictly necessary, liking how it felt when Ronan watched his every move. Adam decided to take it one step further and unzipped his coveralls a little, shrugging out of the sleeves before tying them round his waist, the white, tight t-shirt he wore sticking to his upper body with sweat. It was a little too small so his hip bones were on display. He knew Ronan was trying his hardest not to look.

Ronan still remained seated on the other end of the garage, only looking, never speaking up.

Adam sighed and with one more turn of the wrench he was done. He came to a standstill in front of Ronan, a little closer than he had to be, who kept his eyes on Adam’s face, never straying.

“I’m done, wanna test it out?” Adam asked, waiting for Ronan to nod and follow him to the BMW. “Start it for me?”

Ronan looked relieved but not surprised when the car started, sounding better than ever. “What do I owe you?” he asked, the only hint that he had been affected at all was the rough edge to his voice.

“Nothing,” Adam said with a half-smile. “It’s on the house.”

“Let me at least drive you home?” Ronan asked. Adam intended to decline, would have done so before he knew he liked Ronan’s company a bit too much for it being just platonic. He nodded instead. Even if Ronan wouldn’t speak up today, he could spend some precious hours in his company.

Ronan returned to his seat in the corner and watched Adam work, looking away every time Adam happened to look his way. It was the months old game they had been playing, forever captured in the feeling of longing and despair, waiting for the other to make the move. Adam was determined not to be the one to do it, and Ronan was too scared he was wrong to lay his own cards bare.

The car ride to St. Agnes church was loaded and silent, neither of them ready to speak up and break the palpable tension. Ronan took his place next to Adam’s bed as Adam worked on his homework for a few more hours before getting his much needed sleep; the next part of his plan culminating in his head as he drifted off.

2. Ronan likes cars a little too much (his own car in particular)

Adam closed his eyes against the burning sun, waiting for Ronan to finally finish with tennis practice and take him home. He had accepted Ronan’s ride to school in the morning, casually “forgetting” that Ronan had tennis practice that afternoon so he could work out his plan which involved him lying down on the hood of Ronan’s car, his shirt rucked up a little to reveal half of his stomach.

He knew it was a pretty cheap display but if it worked, it worked.

“I will rip your head off if there is a scratch on her,” Adam heard from beside him. He opened his eyes slowly, his eyelashes fluttering against the blinding light of the sun.

“No, you won’t,” Adam said with a shit-eating grin and sat up a little, leaning back on his forearms, squinting up at Ronan, knowing the sun had brought out the small freckles that littered his face. Ronan looked good, a little too good for Adam to handle. It was supposed to be him that seduced Ronan but it was starting to feel like Ronan was turning things around without knowing. He was still dressed in his tennis uniform that clung to his body sinfully, and it took Adam everything to not throw the whole plan away and speak up.

Ronan rolled his eyes but didn’t disagree just as Adam knew he wouldn’t. “I’m leaving, with you still on the hood or not.”

Adam laughed and stretched his arms above his head languidly. He could feel Ronan’s eyes zoom in on his flat stomach, undoubtedly tracing the pale scar that travelled beneath the waistband of his pants.

He slid himself off the car and looked up at Ronan who didn’t seem like he could look away, his eyes flickering from Adam’s to his freckles, following the line of his throat down to where Adam had loosened his tie and unbuttoned his dress shirt slightly. Adam swallowed and Ronan copied him unconsciously. “I thought you were leaving?” Adam asked, his tone light and teasing.

“I am,” Ronan said but made no move to actually get into his car and drive off. Adam daringly took a step forward, peering up at Ronan from underneath his eyelashes, a smirk pulling on his lips.

“Then what are you waiting for?” he asked, his voice purposefully low.

Ronan swallowed again and shook his head a little, taking himself out of his daze. “Nothing.”

He stepped away from Adam, leaving him standing with his mouth slightly agape, the moment broken. Adam felt the disappointment settle into every fibre of his being. Taking the hint, he got into Ronan’s car and didn’t say anything, letting him drive them to Nino’s, hoping some cheap pizza would at least get his mind off of this.

3. Ronan likes to be touched, even if he pretends he doesn’t.

Adam slid into the booth at Nino’s, actually trying to keep his distance from Ronan after the rejection from earlier, but Ronan was obviously not following the script and leaned in close, his thigh nearly touching Adam’s.

Two could play that game.

Adam let his leg fall and rest against Ronan’s, watching as Ronan dropped the menu, his cheeks flushed. He wasn’t sure if he was blushing because of Adam or because he dropped the menu, but he counted it as a win anyways.

“What are you ordering?” he asked, leaning in close to Ronan’s face so he could look at the menu even though he already knew exactly what he was going to order.

Ronan wordlessly pointed to something on the menu, and Adam silently cheered about the fact that he managed to get Ronan Lynch of all people speechless.

“I was thinking this one,” he whispered, gently taking Ronan’s hand in his own and shifting it so his finger pointed at something else.

Ronan cleared his throat and nodded. “You always get that.”

“You noticed.”

Ronan looked like he was going to say something but he was interrupted when a waiter came to take their orders. Adam shuffled back in his seat, annoyed with the interruption but always polite as he explained what he wanted. He kept his leg pressed against Ronan’s, and he didn’t move away which was a step in the right direction for sure.

He zoned out Gansey’s chattering about whatever he found that was somehow relevant to their quest and focused on Ronan and the new plan forming in his mind instead.

He placed his drink only a few inches from Ronan’s and waited until Ronan was about to take a sip to move forward as well, his hand brushing Ronan’s just like he had planned.

What he hadn’t planned was Ronan dropping his drink in shock spilling it all over the table and himself. “Shit!” he exclaimed, jumping back in his seat with a dismayed look on his face. Adam bit his lip and wordlessly handed him some napkins helping him to clean up the mess.

“Are you okay?” he asked, placing a tentative hand on Ronan’s thigh as he wiped some soda from his shirt. Ronan’s leg was warm under his palm but he didn’t want to overdo it so he let go and sat back again, avoiding the curious stares of the others.

4. Ronan likes guys???

Sunday came slower than usual.

Normally, Adam always thought the week was flying by too fast, time being his worst enemy with the amount of things he had to do in a day. Now, however, it seemed like the week lasted forever, filled with boring classes and jobs he didn’t even like doing.

But then it was Sunday, and time to initiate step four.

He knew Ronan would come up every Sunday after mass, it was a tradition between the two of them Adam wasn’t even sure the others knew about. They didn’t do much else than talk a little while Adam worked on his homework, and Ronan dreamed or listened to his god awful music Adam had come to appreciate.

This time however, Adam pretended that he had slept in, which was not common, but it wasn’t entirely unlikely either. He didn’t have work today for once, and he did try to get a few more precious hours of sleep every once in a while to fuel him.

Adam smiled when he heard the telltale knock of Ronan’s fist on the door and turned to check his reflection. Slightly mussed hair, sweatpants hanging low on his hips, no shirt in sight. It was perfect.

Ronan knocked again and Adam rolled his eyes. “I’m coming, chill!” he said before opening the door, taking in Ronan’s appearance with his mouth slightly agape.

He thought he would be the one seducing Ronan, but it looked like it was the other way around.

He was wearing a suit as usual but his buttons had been undone a bit further than usual, his tie hanging loose around his neck while the edges of his tattoo peeking out from his collar. His suit jacket was slung over his arm, the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled up so it revealed his forearms, his skin silky and pale, soft enough to touch if Adam dared.

“Hi,” he said, his brain functioning just enough to let Ronan through.

“You okay, Parrish?” Ronan asked, and Adam swore he could see a glint of something in his eyes, but he was too enthralled by him to really think about it too much.

“Perfect,” he said and sat down in front of his makeshift desk, reopening his laptop. He had been too caught up in watching Ronan that he hadn’t noticed Ronan had been looking back, trailing his eyes down the wide expanse of Adam’s chest, following the freckles dusting his skin down to his stomach.

Ronan was still watching him sometimes, glancing his way every now and then. Adam could feel his eyes burning into his skin.

He felt rather hopeless. Ronan was still just looking instead of actually doing something about the tension between them in the exact same way he had before Adam had even come up with this plan.

Instead of focussing on Ronan, this time he turned his attention to his homework, hoping that school was at least one thing he wouldn’t fail.

5. Ronan probably definitely has a hand kink.

“You look like you’re in pain,” Adam said, watching as Ronan tried to get comfortable on his hard wooden floor.

“No shit, Parrish,” Ronan grumbled and shifted his weight again. “This floor is not exactly soft.”

“You’re looking more uncomfortable than usual,” Adam replied, abandoning his open text book to crouch down next to Ronan. “You okay?”

“Must’ve pulled something,” Ronan finally said with a sigh, unconsciously rubbing his back a little. “It’s fine, just do your homework.”

A brilliant plan started to form in Adam’s mind.

“I could give you a massage,” he said innocently, rubbing his hands a little. “I’m stronger than I look.”

Ronan’s eyes flickered from Adan’s hands to his face and back, swallowing hard before he spoke. “Why?”

“Because you’re in pain,” Adam said simply and motioned towards his bed. “You can just lie down and let me help you or you can be in pain for the next couple of hours.”

Ronan thought for a few moments longer while Adam waited in anticipation. “Fine,” he said and moved to lie on Adam’s bed.

“This would be more effective with your shirt off, you know,” Adam said smugly and moved to sit down next to him.

Ronan leaned up with a grimace and unbuttoned his shirt, pulling it off before lying back down.

Adam watched the muscles shift underneath his tattoo, staring in wonder at the black lines swirling around his back, the image seemingly changing every time he blinked.

He put a tentative hand on Ronan’s skin, relishing in the shiver Ronan let out before letting his other hand join, moving slowly up to his shoulders to rub the muscles there

He kept his hands light and gentle until he heard: “I’m not going to break,” and pushed harder, earning himself a small sound from Ronan. Adam balanced himself by leaning on Ronan’s back a little and swung his leg over Ronan’s hips, hovering above him. He leaned down so his mouth was right next to Ronan’s ear.

“Is this okay?” he asked softly. Ronan made a strangled sound and nodded his head, Adam could only smile and move back a little, letting his hands dance across Ronan’s back.

They stayed like that for a while, Adam rubbing Ronan’s sore muscles while Ronan shifted underneath him, sometimes letting out a sigh, even more rarely did he make a sound, but they were etched into Adam’s brain all the same.

Adam kept going until his hands were sore and kept going a little longer after that, not wanting to take his hands off of Ronan’s skin now that he had the chance. But his hands were starting to cramp up, and Ronan could feel that he wasn’t putting as much force into it as he did before.

“I think my back’s okay now,” Ronan mumbled and Adam got off his back after a moment of hesitation wherein he thought about kissing the centre of Ronan’s tattoo but refrained, knowing it would be a step too far.

Ronan rolled his shoulders and gave Adam one of his rare smiles, one that said thank you without Ronan having to say it out loud.

And that was it.

+1 step that wasn’t planned and oh my god why did Ronan choose this moment to confess his love what the actual fuck?

Or, so, Adam thought.

He quickly put a shirt on and drifted towards the bathroom, getting ready for bed. He cursed himself as he brushed his teeth for thinking that these stupid steps of trying to seduce Ronan were going to help at all. He probably made a fool out of himself more than anything.

Maybe Ronan didn’t even like him as much as Adam initially thought he did. It had never been a certainty, but something in the way Ronan looked at him or did things for him without taking credit for it made Adam believe there was more to them than just the friendship they had carefully crafted together. It was his apartment, after all, that Ronan seemed to be drawn to every night, though he was now questioning if it was because of him or because it was away from Gansey who Ronan didn’t want to harm.

Dejectedly, he stepped out of the bathroom and turned off the lights, letting the pale shine of the moon guide his steps forward, expertly avoiding the hanging nails in the floorboards.

Ronan had already turned his jacket into a makeshift pillow, his headphones on, though the music was turned down a little for Adam’s benefit, something Ronan would never admit.

“Goodnight,” Adam said quietly and climbed into bed, pulling his threadbare blanket around him tightly, hiding half of his face behind the fabric.

Ronan nodded at him and Adam closed his eyes but sleep didn’t come to him.

He could hear Ronan take his headphones off and place them next to him, rearranging his sleeping position with a soft groan.

Minutes ticked by, and Adam was still very much awake.

“Can you lie still?” He could hear from below him. Adam rolled his eyes and bent over so he could look at Ronan’s face.

“If it bothers you so much, go sleep somewhere else.”

Ronan grumbled and sat up. “Want me gone, Parrish?” he asked but Adam could see he wasn’t serious.

“Nah, if people break in, they will go for you first. I’m using you as my personal shield.”

Ronan huffed out a laugh. “Nobody would break into this shithole.”

“You’ve got a point,” Adam said and smiled, openly and freely, a present given to Ronan for sticking with him throughout this entire ordeal and beyond.

Ronan looked at him and Adam looked back, and Ronan didn’t look away.

The air between them suddenly felt loaded, filled with the months of yearning they had both been through, the tension that had built between them these past few days.

Ronan leaned in.

“Seriously, now?!” Adam exclaimed indignantly, unable to stop himself. He immediately regretted it when Ronan pulled away again, his eyes hard but his true feeling of embarrassment betrayed by the blush dusting his cheeks.

“A simple ‘no’ would have done,” Ronan said, his tone icy as he pulled away, snatching up his jacket in the process.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Adam scrambled to say, his hand wrapping around Ronan’s forearm. Ronan could rip his arm away easily if he wanted to but he didn’t. He stood frozen next to Adam’s bed, looking at him expectantly. “It’s just… These past few days I tried to… seduce you, and you didn’t react at all but you want to kiss me now?”

“You wanted to seduce me?” Ronan asked before laughing loudly, clutching his stomach a little as he sunk down next to Adam.

“Starting to regret that now,” Adam said, his lips pulling into a bit of a pout. He had half a mind to get up, run out of the door and catch the next plane to whatever country was available so he didn’t have to deal with the fallout of the mess he had created.

“Don’t be like that,” Ronan said and it sounded light and teasing rather than angry or disgusted like Adam had expected. He turned to Ronan and could see the hope in his eyes, the glee that had softened the edges a little.

This time when Ronan leaned in, Adam wisely kept his mouth shut besides opening it to welcome Ronan’s tongue into his mouth moments later when he was pushed against the bed, Ronan hovering over him with red, glistening lips that was all Adam’s doing.

“You could’ve just said something,” Ronan said but they both knew Adam couldn’t have. There had been too many risks, too many possibilities for failure.

“Didn’t have to apparently,” Adam shrugged and pulled Ronan down again for a kiss, the taste of him on his tongue addicting. “The plan worked.”

“The plan didn’t do shit, I thought you were messing with me half the time,” Ronan laughed but it wasn’t unkindly.

“But it led you to kissing me,” Adam said stubbornly. “It was a well thought out and perfectly executed plan.”

Ronan shook his head with a laugh and kissed him again and again until Adam was breathless, and his plan was the last thing on his mind.

#trc #the raven cycle #pynch #pynch fic #pynch fanfic #pynch fanfiction #trc fic #trc fanfic #trc fanfiction #the raven cycle fic #the raven cycle fanfic #the raven cycle fanfiction #adam x ronan #ronan x adam #adam parrish #ronan lynch

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puppy-phum · 4 years

Text

thank you once again @yibobibo for tagging me ♥ even if, like I said, this is pure torture. I have so many sons that I’ve given up on counting them sigh but here goes.

favourite male fictional characters.

I took it that this meant ten so am going with that (tho am not gonna try and put them into order). am also sticking to all the characters I loved this year. and gonna ramble and add gifs so cutting it here.

1. Liu Sang

The Lost Tomb Reboot/Reunion: The Sound of The Providence

I have so much love for this boy it’s not even healthy. it’s a bit funny tho bc once I started tltr, I didn’t really like him and almost forgot about him as the first season ended. he just felt so annoying and bitter in what I saw him, even if I did get that he had a Tragic BackstoryTM (I felt for him but well. tltr really made him hard to like at first). but then they brought him back in the second season with his sad puppy eyes and inability to handle his thoughts on wu xie and being all touch-starved and pitiful and whatnot and baam, I had the adoption papers ready. he’s wonderful and so strong and so smart and amazing. and liu chang as his actor has been wonderful (and he’s so pretty my god, have you seen him??)

2. Shen Wei

Guardian

never did I expect to just. fall into this hole after a year? I remember what a mess I was when I first watched guardian over a year ago, right after finishing the untamed. I was in shambles even as I knew how it would end. and now I’ve done this all again while also reading the novel and. my love for shen wei, especially bc it’s zhu yilong acting as shen wei? astronomical. I want to write poetry about him and his stupid responsibilities that he chooses to carry silently and his devotion to zhao yunlan and his love for his ppl and his didi and. I hope that one day I manage to write weilan bc I have this one idea and you can come pry it from my cold, dead fingers if it doesn’t get out there (am also super happy about the edit I made bc my god does he deserve at least that)

3. Cloud Strife

Final Fantasy VII

ok so stepping into the video games territory now. I was waiting for the remake like crazy and it was everything to me once the quarantine hit during spring. the game is so beautiful and I felt like I looked at this gorgeous boy once and was ready to give him my heart (tbh am quite sure he owned my heart before I even learned to know him). he is tragic in so many ways (I’ve only scratched the surface of all of his pain I know) and I wish I could just. hug him a lot. he is kind and cares very deeply even if he hates to show it and I love it how remake showed him also just being a human disaster (some of his scenes are just. peak comedy). I would kill for his smile (I have already cried for it a dozen)

4. Geralt of Rivia

The Witcher (The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt)

if there’s one grumpy, brickwall of a man I love, it’s geralt. I affectionately call him “papa wolf” while playing witcher 3 and his voice in it does things to me (I am just so fond of him ok, begone you dirty fuckers). I got introduced to him through the books and adored him in them bc he is so prickly and sarcastic and still so full of love even if he will never admit to it. he is the father figure I wish I could have in real life. (and yes, I’ve seen the tv series (or at least a couple of the first episodes) and it looks stunning but. this is my version of geralt and that’s the hill I will die on)

5. Xiaoge

Zhang Qiling, Daomu Biji (The Lost Tomb 2)

(wow finding a gif for him was a pain, apparently I gotta learn how to gif or?) ah, my dear boy who I’ve ended up just calling xiaoge bc he seems to prefer it over his real name/title/whatever zhang qiling really is. I got introduced to him through tltr where we really didn’t get to know that much about him bc he was just... there. huang junjie was absolutely stunning tho and his soft smiles made me super fond, but only in the lost tomb 2 did I really fall in love with xiaoge as a character. I was surprised tbh bc I didn’t expect it to be this drama? I had so many doubts about the cast in tlt2 but they all delivered! and I think cheng yi’s xiaoge is now my favorite bc he somehow captured that softness and the pain of him? (and we do not talk about that buxun storyline tyvm) tho now that ultimate note is on the way, I gotta say that xiao yuliang does a wonderful job as xiaoge too!

6. Wu Xie

Daomu Biji (Ultimate Note)

(sorry we have to go with a pingxie gif now but maybe it’s only fitting) tbh it’s hard to choose my favorite version of wu xie. I think all of the actors for him have done amazing job showing wu xie in different parts of his life (all of them are very distinct but still feel like the same person) but currently zheng shunxi takes the lead. I really wanted to put the reboot version of him here (bc I love that mature, relaxed and somehow very soft version of him and the angst is phenomenal and the thoughts he has about death... yeah) but I already have zhu yilong’s face here once so :’D wu xie is just one of those characters you cannot not like. he is so strong, so kind, so stubborn, so wonderfully stupid sometimes and in need of careful protection. I also adore it how smart he is and I could listen to him spew history facts for 10 hours straight (even if it was in a tomb full of blood zombies) ♥

7. Jiang Cheng

Jiang Wanyin, The Untamed

my darling boy! my beautiful angry grape! I love him beyond words. I love him in all of his raging, misunderstood, stupid, sassy, constipated, abused, tragic, bitter, big hearted glory. I could write novels about him (and I did and am still writing oh boy) and his love for ppl and his inability to show that love and his loneliness and his issues. I could also write another novel for all of his outfits etc. bc damn, what a fashion king. he is just so great. he owns my soul. he deserves happiness and in this essay I will

8. Isana Yashiro

Adolf K. Weismann, K Project

I rewatched k project this spring bc a) it’s one of my favorite animes ever (it just looks stunning with all the colors) and b) I love yashiro to bits. I remember falling in love with him when I first watched k project many years ago bc he was just so kind and bright. this time though, I ended up seeing another side of him and my god did I cry. he is... so sweet. he cares for others so deeply and is ready to sacrifice so much for them and his love for his two clansmen... yeah. I think I finally saw the tragedy of him too, all the pain and loneliness and insecurity he decides to hide behind his smile and obnoxious personality. he reminded me a lot of myself and watching him made my heart bleed in a good way

9. Qi Tiezui

Ba Ye, The Mystic Nine

(wow am going to riot for the lack of all the gifs hhh) yes, we’re continuing with the dmbj universe that sucked me in big time this year. the drama of the mystic nine wasn’t probably that earth shattering for me as it somehow got boring more than once but I did love ba ye to bits. he was just... so nice? I got it that he was somehow this “comedic relief” in the drama with all of his funny scenes and ridiculous mannerisms but I could see the brilliance of him. he is warm and smart and kind of a romantic too and he cares for all of his friends so deeply? it was also sweet how protective of him his two zhangs were (does that run in the family? the tendency to imprint into one smart but disastrous man and keep him safe? maybe) and I really hope I knew more about him bc he seemed to have a lot of knowledge and a lot of impact to ppl’s lives (I yelled when they mentioned him in ultimate note, I miss him ;;)

10. Dorian Pavus

Dragon Age Inquisition

(yes I’ve been replaying DA:I this year, this counts!) another darling boy! my lovely sass master son! I have so much love for him and his story in DA:I. he is my favorite companion (and his romance is my favorite too, probably obvious in the way am currently romancing him for the third time) and he has given me a lot of strength. the way he stands up against his father, how he’s ready to reform his homeland instead of walking away, how he’s so caring for those he sees struggling... it’s very warming and I feel like I’m safe with him. it feels a bit silly to say that but he really is that comfort character I will seek out when I just want to know am doing fine :’) (and I am so excited to see him again in DA4! probably?)

+ 11. Li Cu

Tomb of the Sea

yes I cheated a bit (with my own rules lol) to fit li cu here. I didn’t really expect to like him or tomb of the sea as much as I did once I started it? I’ve seen leo wu elsewhere before this (battle through the heavens, nirvana in fire) and his face always makes me think about a sad puppy so maybe I just grew fond over li cu instantly bc he was... so hurt? the first episode really slaps you in the face with all of it, showing him being abused, wounded, kidnapped, tortured, used and then just very, very scared and broken. he continues being that throughout the whole drama and I feel like tomb of the sea (or sand sea or sha hai idk) is the darkest and angstiest story in the dmbj universe. I know it deserves to be bc this is a dark time for wu xie but... my darling li cu. I wish him only happiness ;; he was so strong and smart and wonderful in this and it was just so amazing to watch him grow and find his own place in the world just bc he did something himself (even when he got dragged into all of this bc of wu xie) also I support the wu xie adopts li cu -agenda

Honorary mentions:

Zhang Rishan, Xie Yuchen and Hei Xiazi from DMBJ universe. The Twin Jades of Gusu and Ouyang Zizhen from The Untamed. The Iron Bull and Fenris from Dragon Age games. Thane Krios, Kaidan Alenko and Jaal from Mass Effect games. The whole lot of Assassin’s Creed protagonists (especially Ezio Auditore and Shay Cormac). Adam Parrish and Ronan Lynch from The Raven Cycle. Neil Josten from All For The Game. Eduon and March from The Smoke Thieves. Qiling from L.O.R.D. Critical World. Luo Fei from Detective L (played by Bai Yu).

well, with this I can really see that I have a thing for those who are tragic :’D I have a thing for grumpy, prickly and antisocial guys or those who hide their pain behind a smile. maybe it’s bc I am somehow both, even if I can’t show my anger or be mean to others and even if I feel like my smile never sticks either. I just find kinship in all of the characters who are on this list. and I feel like I aspire to be as strong and as kind and as loving despite all the pain I’ve been put through.

thank you, this was so much fun! and sorry I made this so long and so complicated ^^’ but well, there are just way too many male characters I love haha

at the end I want to tag @i-am-just-a-kiddo @ashenwren @kholran @tiesanjiao @lan-xichens @aheartfullofjolllly @manhasetardis and @lzswy ♥ feel free to do this in your own way or not at all! and thank you if you managed to read through my rambling :’D

#tag game #wow this was something #i've been waiting for one #bc there is so much love in me #and this year i've discovered so many #new characters to just gush over #about me #random #edit: added a few characters #and tagged some more ppl sorry #also mobile tumblr wouldnt let me edit so lol

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deadlyanddelicate · 4 years

Note

Could you maybe do something like Adam and Ronan hanging out with Blue and Gansey near the beginning of their relationship and Ronan marvelling at how he actually gets to hold Adam's hand now and it feels too good to be true 🥺

dear anon... i’m so sorry. this spiralled from the intended 500 words of cute hand holding to 2500 words of group dynamics. i have no excuse. hopefully there is still enough hand-holding to fit the bill 😅

since this got long-ish, you can also find it over at my AO3 if you prefer to read there!

and at every table, i’ll save you a seat

adam/ronan, fluff, 2.5k. takes place after the main events of trk but before the trk epilogue.

“I’m just saying, if he starts shit, I’m gonna walk out. I don’t need that drama in my life right now.” Ronan huffed, pacing back and forth on the sidewalk, hands shoved deep into his leather jacket pockets. His breath condensed in the cold early December air. “Noted,” Adam replied, with the patient tone of someone who had heard the threat before and was not particularly concerned.

Ronan glowered - not at Adam or at anyone in particular, he just glowered. He did mean it. He couldn’t be fighting with Gansey right now, he just couldn’t.

Technically, they were already in a fight. This was new: historically, it was Adam and Ronan snarking at each other until one of them snapped, much to Gansey’s great exasperation; or Adam and Gansey waging cold war at each other until Ronan got tired of it and did something purposefully outrageous just so they’d get mad at him and forget whatever argument they were having. It usually wasn’t Ronan and Gansey. But then Ronan had dropped out of school.

The argument that had followed hadn’t been big and explosive, but rather drawn out into instalments: interrupted before things could get too bad and then picked up again at a different time, with Gansey pleading and needling and insisting graduation was mere months away. Ronan had endured a week of this before dealing with it the only way he could conceive of: by moving himself out of Monmouth and back into the Barns, which had been the plan anyway.

Adam had been a quiet bystander in this. He did not approve of Ronan dropping out, and it was clear in the tight line of his mouth when Ronan had told him. But he had always been good at picking his battles, and he had clearly decided not to fight Ronan’s for him. “Are you sure?” he had asked, looking at Ronan with narrowed blue eyes that, as usual, saw far too much. “Yeah,” Ronan had replied. In all honesty, he hadn’t exactly thought it through, because he could not think it through right now - but that was exactly why he was dropping out. He couldn’t be around people. He couldn’t be expected to function and show up and act like an engaged student and study for exams after– everything. So he said again, “Yeah.” And Adam had nodded, and that had been that.

Of course Gansey, correctly guessing that Adam would disapprove of anyone giving up on education, had tried to gain access to his – recently increased - leverage, but his efforts had fallen flat as far as Ronan could tell.

“But you must realise it’s a mistake”, he’d said on the only occasion Ronan had been witness to, one time when he’d arrived early to pick Adam up from work. “Don’t tell me you agree with him!”

“I don’t, but it’s his mistake to make,” Adam had replied, his annoyance clear even from Ronan’s sightless spot around the corner of Boyd’s main entrance. “Leave him alone, Gansey. Just because your friends want different things from you doesn’t mean they’re not your friends anymore.”

God, but Ronan loved him.

There had been a long pause filled with Gansey’s chastised silence. This wasn’t solely about Ronan’s choices, and they all knew it.

After that, Gansey’s tactical maneuvers had stopped, but Ronan still hadn’t really spoken to him since dropping out, which was less a hostile decision and more due to Ronan not being in school and refusing to answer his phone. When he left the Barns, it was to spend the night at St. Agnes or go for a long drive with Adam, who knew better than to try to play peacemaker on those occasions.

But now it was Gansey’s birthday, and Blue had summoned them at Nino’s, and apparently would never ever speak to him again if he did not show up. So, whatever, fine. It’s not like Ronan would ever miss Gansey’s birthday anyway. He wasn’t that shitty of a friend. He just didn’t want any drama.

“I’m just saying he needs to lay off,” he added, defensive.

“Fine,” Adam rolled his eyes. “Now are you gonna stop being a big baby?” he held out his hand for Ronan to take. “We’ve been out here for ages. Let’s go inside, I’m cold.”

“Now who’s being a big baby,” Ronan shot back, but took Adam’s hand anyway. He couldn’t help the little electric thrill that went through him at the sensation of skin on skin. It had been almost a month now since he and Adam had gotten together, since their first kiss on Ronan’s birthday, and he still wasn’t used to the idea of this being offered so casually, like something he could just have. Because he could just have it now.

They walked into Nino’s to see Blue waving at them energetically to signal her position. There was no need for it, of course, because she was sitting at the same booth they always sat in. “God, so dramatic,” Ronan moaned, rolling his eyes dramatically. “Ain’t that the truth,” Adam commented, his lips tilting into a smirk. Ronan gave his hand a little squeeze.

Blue, satisfied with her flagging-down antics, had sat back down, and now was placidly nestled into Gansey’s side, looking like one of those small angry birds who puff up and tuck their head into their body until they’re perfectly round. On Gansey’s other side, perusing the menu intently as if it didn’t have the same 12 choices as always, was Henry Cheng, his hair looking like an abstract painting and his t-shirt screaming out a Kylie Minogue logo.

And Gansey himself looked… the same as usual, which was to say, it was both impossible to tell and impossible to forget that he had died and been resuscitated in the past month. He also looked anxious. That, Ronan mused, was also usual. He just didn’t usually look anxious about greeting Ronan, and Ronan wasn’t sure he liked that. He chewed on his lip, then gave Gansey a reluctant half smile and hoped it didn’t look like too much of a snarl. Gansey also gave a half smile that looked like a gastritis grimace.

Progress.

“Hey y’all,” Adam greeted. “Hi Blue. Cheng,” he nodded. Then he turned towards Gansey, starting to raise his right fist reflexively; he paused, looked briefly down at where his left hand was joined with Ronan’s, then seemed to make a split-second decision and raised that hand instead, curling his fingers into a fist around Ronan’s, making it so they both fist-bumped Gansey at once. It was embarrassing and looked silly and awkward, but somehow, afterwards, Ronan didn’t feel quite so tentative, and Gansey’s grimace was more and more reminiscent of a smile.

“Very fucking clever,” he muttered in Adam’s ear as they slid into the booth.

“I know, right?” Adam replied with a cheery smile. “I should be a counsellor or something.”

Ronan shoved his shoulder into Adam’s good-naturedly. Adam jostled him right back. Neither let go of the other’s hand.

Immediately, they were pulled into conversation by Blue and required to arbitrate a discussion between her and Henry on whether reality shows were morally bankrupt or a fascinating social experiment. Adam, who had never watched a reality show, sided with Blue out of principle. Gansey, who for very different reasons had also never watched a reality show, was discreetly trying to pull Ronan’s focus with an entreating look; Ronan, warily, let him.

“How have you been, Lynch?” Gansey asked.

Ronan shrugged. “How have you been?”Gansey looked for a moment like he was going to lose his patience. Instead, his face cracked in a different direction, an almost melancholy expression coloring it. “Alright. Adjusting, I suppose. To… everything.”

Everything being “dying and coming back to life as a patchwork tangle of ley line forest”.

“That’s rough, man.” Ronan raised his glass sympathetically, and Gansey tilted his own back.

“You must also be… adjusting. To everything.”

Everything being losing his mother, losing Cabeswater, and almost dying himself.

The undercurrent of things unsaid, hovering just under the surface, was too much; Ronan was going to scream.

But then Gansey did the unexpected.

“I’m sorry,” he said. Ronan choked on his drink a little.

“I shouldn’t have hassled you about school. I just…” Gansey waved a vague hand.

“Think you know better than everyone?” Ronan supplied dryly. Damn, maybe Parrish was rubbing off on him.

Gansey tilted his head. “Perhaps. I made a few bad calls. I, uh. I may have sold Monmouth Manufacturing to get Child to let you stay in school.”

The words were like an ice pick in Ronan’s heart. He felt Adam’s hand tighten around his, despite the fact he was ostensibly still listening to Blue. Adam knew, then. Ronan could only imagine that argument.

“Dick. You did what?”, he rasped. “I never, ever asked you to do anything like that, you colossal fucking-”“I know, I know,” Gansey said, raising a placating hand. “It was stupid. I was maybe not thinking straight. Bit concerned with my own impending death. It’s alright. I managed to buy it back.”

The storm cloud threatening to explode in Ronan’s chest dispelled. Monmouth was safe. Monmouth, with its tall windows and its dusty floors and its walls that held a thousand stories of insomnia and grief and laughter and companionship and fights and friendship. Brotherhood.

“Good,” he said, a little hoarsely. “You love that place.”

“I do,” Gansey admitted wistfully. “It’s just been a little… well. Different. Now that it is just me, I mean. I don’t see you at school, and I don’t see you at ho– at Monmouth. And it’s a big place, and I suppose maybe I was – there is a chance that I perhaps might have been a little afraid of being… well. Lonely. I guess.”

Well. That was a low blow. Or maybe it only felt like one because Ronan had not stopped to think about that and was caught unawares now – but he was gonna go with low blow anyway. It seemed wrong for Gansey – Gansey, of all people – to be lonely. He had always been the one collecting lonely people, the glue holding them all together. Ronan had spent so much time worried about losing Gansey’s friendship, so it was a baffling change of pace for Gansey to miss him.

It made him feel a little bad, but he also knew he was doing the right thing. He needed to be at home right now - his real home, his childhood home, to process everything. And Gansey had other people now – he had Blue and he had Henry, and Ronan had Adam – well, he’d had Adam before, in a manner of speaking, but it was different now. They were both following their own paths. But it didn’t mean Ronan couldn’t be there for him.

“You can still text me, you know,” he said as casually as he could.

Gansey glared at him. “I have been.”“Really?” Ronan said even more casually, scratching at his stubble. He shrugged. “Try again,” he added, more sincerely, holding Gansey’s gaze.

Gansey gave him a small, earnest smile. “I will.”

And just like that, things were okay again. Ronan leaned over the table to give Gansey an amicable punch in the shoulder, but had to raise his right hand, still entwined with Adam’s, to reach forward. It didn’t occur to him that their joined hands were visibly resting above the table until Gansey’s eyes shot down to them and quickly away, his expression doing something complicated but not displeased. He nodded, that little unguarded smile still on his face. Approval, perhaps. Ronan had not asked for it nor did he need it – but it was still nice.

Not as nice as actually getting to hold Adam’s hand though. Now that he’d been reminded of it, he couldn’t stop focusing on it – the warmth, the contact of thumb crossed over thumb, his fingertips brushing over Adam’s still slightly chapped knuckles, the way Adam’s calluses were familiar to him now in a way he’d never expected to know outside of a dream.

Adam – who by this point was wryly arguing with Henry over whether there was even a point to a student council when everyone on it was part of the 1%, to Henry’s impassioned retorts that there are more issues than just classism, Parrish – absently shifted his hand so it was resting palm up on the table, an open invitation, a gentle suggestion to readjust. Ronan followed in kind, resting the back of his hand against Adam’s palm. Adam wrapped his long fingers around the side of Ronan’s palm – Ronan closed his fingers over Adam’s.

He felt warm all over. He took a sip of his iced tea but couldn’t hide the small, private smile playing on his lips, nor could he stop staring at their hands crisscrossed over each other’s on top of the table.

And then he was rudely snapped out of it by Blue’s teasing Awww, cute.

Ronan raised his head slowly, making sure to narrow his eyes menacingly despite the distinct heat he could feel on his cheeks.

Blue was staring at their hands, an unrepentant grin on her face. She met Ronan’s eyes without a trace of concern, taking a big, leisurely gulp of her tea.

“You got somethin’ to say, Sargent?” he asked pleasantly.

“Yeah,” she replied defiantly. “I said you guys are cute.”

This was all new terrain. Ronan had never been teased for being in a relationship, but he’d also never been in a relationship, and hell – he’d all but avoided thinking about the mere idea of a relationship until last year.

Then Adam pressed his leg against Ronan’s under the table, a private show of support, a quiet reminder that it wasn’t Adam and Ronan, but Adam-and-Ronan. It was such a small thing, but it meant so much. Less than a year ago, Ronan had been sitting in this same booth, watching Adam hold hands with Blue and feeling like he’d swallowed his own heart and it was slowly poisoning him from the inside.

And now, it was Adam-and-Ronan.

He tilted his chin haughtily. “Maybe we fucking are, Sargent”.

Blue scrunched up her nose, her expression going from teasing to earnest. “Yeah, you are. It’s nice to see you looking like that for a change.”

Ronan raised an eyebrow. “Cute?”

Blue leaned her chin on her hand. “Happy.”

Oh.

Well, how about that.

Ronan exhaled loudly from his nose and threw himself back against the headrest of the booth; but he also extended a leg under the table so he could knock into Blue’s tiny booted foot. She bumped his boot right back.

At his side, Adam leaned into him lightly, shoulder pressed warmly to shoulder, his head tilted in a way that suggested he might soon be resting it against Ronan’s temple, as he sometimes did when he was tired after a long shift.

Yeah. Ronan supposed that, all considered, he was pretty happy.

#ronan lynch #adam parrish #pynch #trc #trc fic #fluff #my writing #everyone in this gang is so DRAMATIC i can't stand them #it's ok tho they love each other :')#will adam and ronan ever stop holding hands?? DEBATABLE #nor should they!!!#they've earned their hand holding privileges #but ronan will still call out blue and gansey for doing it #anonymous #answer

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anythingbutmyname00 · 4 years

Note

Pynch + 12?

prompt #12: “You’re not okay.” Another Pynch prompt ask! This one is set right after the end of TRK and before the start of CDTH. Enjoy!

—

The BMW pulled up to the curb outside St. Agnes. Ronan kept his eyes on the speedometer which was at 0 miles per hour now that the car was in park. He took a slow and steady breath in, and then let it out just as tediously.

He could feel Adam’s eyes on him from the passenger seat. Ronan felt no need to turn his head and meet Adam’s gaze. He was hoping Adam would just say goodbye for now and get out of the car as soon as they pulled up to the curb.

But he was also hoping just as intensely that Adam would not do that.

Ronan didn’t hide. He wasn’t very expressive, but you could still tell how he was feeling about things. He just communicated in a different way.

But then there was Adam. Ronan had never felt ashamed of anything that was inside him until his feelings for Adam grew and he acquired the want—no the need—for Adam’s approval.

Ronan still wasn’t ashamed of himself or anything about him and his feelings on things, but he so desperately wanted Adam—who had always seen him more than anyone else, even Gansey—to stay.

He so desperately wanted Adam, period.

“You’re not okay.” Adam began.

Ronan huffed and rolled his eyes.

“No,” Adam said, “don’t do that. You’re not.”

Yeah, no shit. Ronan wanted to say. He put his head back against the headrest on his seat. The leather was surprisingly cool despite the warmth outside the car that had started seeping inside now that the car had been off and not regulating air.

“Lynch.” Adam ventured further. “Ronan.” He said quieter.

“Jesus Christ.” Ronan started, “No Parrish, I’m not fucking okay. You wanna talk about it? What are you my fucking therapist? I know all about those.”

Declan had always made sure he paid for the best. He’d made Ronan go for weeks after Niall had died. It ended as things usually do between Lynch brothers: in a fight.

Money doesn’t buy everything.

“Yeah.” was all Adam said in response, as if the small outburst was almost what he had been expecting. He got out of the car. He didn’t slam the door, but he didn’t say goodbye either.

Ronan turned his head and watched Adam ascend the steps into the side of the church where the apartments were accessible.

He stayed in the car for another minute. Then another five. Then, he hit his head against the headrest a few times and opened the car door with a lot more tenacity than Adam had exhibited.

You want me to bear my fucking soul, Adam? Ronan thought as he walked up the stairs.

The scarier thing to Ronan was that he wanted to share. He wanted to talk to Adam about what was wrong. He wanted Adam to see him.

He just wished he could skip the part where he has to explain it and they could just be in the know.

He knocked on Adam’s door, and waited. The door opened and Adam seemed minimally surprised that it was Ronan, like he’d expected to be followed up the stairs.

Like Ronan said: seen.

“Are you gonna let me in.” Ronan said exasperated, his hands in his pockets.

Adam shuffled to the side and let Ronan slide past.

Ronan walked around for a second, and stayed facing away from the door where Adam was still standing, though it was now shut.

“He said he wouldn’t leave.”

Ronan, still looking away from Adam, shocked a little when Adam’s hand was on his arm and turned him around.

“He didn’t leave you Ronan.”

“But he did, though. He left.”

They had just watched Gansey, Blue, and Henry drive away to start their travels they’d been so enthusiastically planning. Ronan and Adam had watched them depart from 300 Fox way along with all of its various women.

Ronan felt left. Shouldn’t he?

“Did you think we’d all stay here? In Henrietta? Forever?”

Ronan looked Adam in the eyes. No, he wasn’t stupid enough to think they’d all stay with him there forever.

He was just stupid enough to hope it.

“Ronan.” Adam said, imploring an answer. He wasn’t foolishly hoping for an answer like Ronan had foolishly hoped they’d all stay together. He just knew he had to ask to be on the board, whether or not Ronan would play the game was up to him.

Ronan knew he’d always oblige an answer if Adam asked him like that.

“Not just Gansey.” Ronan mentally moved a piece on the board.

He watched Adam try and anticipate his next move. “What, Cheng? I wasn’t aware you cared where he went.” Adam deadpanned, but it was a joke.

Ronan looked away and huffed again.

“Ronan.” He said again, advancing two spaces ahead of Ronan. It was a damning move, especially done twice in a row. Ronan was in jeopardy of losing.

“Matthew.” he said. “Sargent, or whatever. Fucking Declan for Christ sake.” He wondered if saying that above a church was any better than in a church.

Adam just watched him still. He could feel it. The conversation hadn’t ended yet. Ronan had one card left to play.

“And—” Ronan looked at Adam again. Could he transmit what he wanted to say through the air? Implant it in Adam’s head?

“And?” Adam questioned. Ronan could tell he knew what was coming. It would even their score, put them both in jeopardy of losing or within feet from winning. A tie.

“Harvard...” Ronan said.

He looked back at Adam.

He never wanted to hold Adam back. He wouldn’t let Adam not go. But the fact remained that Ronan could definitively not go with him.

“I’m not leaving you, Ronan.” Adam’s eyes didn’t waver, not for a second. Ronan watched them the whole time. It was the deciding point, the winner about to be announced.

“No,” Ronan said. “You’re not.” He could see it in Adam’s eyes. Even if he had wanted to leave Ronan, he would be incapable.

Adam put one hand on the back of Ronan’s neck and pulled him forward. He kissed him once, short and sweet.

“I will always come back.” Adam’s eyes were once again on Ronan’s. “It’s not leaving if I come back.”

His eye’s didn’t waver once.

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tinyarmedtrex · 4 years

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34. Pynch ~ meeting at a masquerade/ball AU (if you feel up to it). Your writing is always wonderful!

Aurum you’re the best <3

Ronan made his way to the only place that didn’t suck at this charity event- the bar. He hadn’t wanted to come but Gansey had insisted, saying they needed seat fillers and promising that he’d stock Ronan’s favorite type of whiskey. When Ronan had still refused Gansey had not-so-gently reminded him that Ronan owed him for Christmas, when he’d nearly burned down the house trying to roast chestnuts. He’d agreed after that.

Now he was at the event and it was worse than he’d imagined. Gansey was too busy trying to talk rich people out of their money to hang out with him. Noah and Henry were no where to be seen and he was alone with a bunch of snobs who seemed to care more about where the caviar was from than if the rainforest actually survived. He was busy debating if he could convince the bartender to pour him a triple when something knocked into him- something sharp.

“What the-” Ronan turned, only to be assaulted by more sharp objects.

“Shit! Sorry.” A slightly southern accent said, turning towards him. “I’m not used to this get up.”

Anger dissipated as Ronan looked at his assailant. He was attractive, dusty hair and bright eyes. The fact that he didn’t look like everyone else at this party was more than enough to keep Ronan interested.

“Why the hell did you pick a porcupine costume?” Ronan asked, eyeing up the brown quills that seemed to be made of pipe cleaners.

“I didn’t. A friend insisted.” The guy said, his quills bobbing as he shrugged. “She said it would be ‘fun’.” The last word was accompanied by air quotes and Ronan couldn’t help but notice how long and elegant the man’s fingers were.

“And is it?”

The stranger shook his head. “Not exactly. People in fancy costumes don’t like getting bumped into. I nearly broke someone’s turtle shell.” He paused, looking at Ronan. “I should have picked something like yours.”

He was dressed as a snake, covered in red and black scales with elaborate make up courtesy of Henry. He’d hated it until now, until this stranger’s eyes raked slowly over the costume.

“It is easier to move in.” He glanced at the bar. “Let me buy you a drink, to make up for your friend’s terrible taste.”

“Drinks are free.” He said with a slight smile.

“Then you have no reason to say no.”

“I suppose that’s a good point. I’m Adam, by the way.” There was that accent again. Hearing it did something to Ronan, listening to how the words wrapped around Adam’s tongue and lips.

“Ronan.” He said with a curt nod.

“Well Ronan, I’ll have whatever you’re having.”

Ronan ordered and the two made it over to a high top table. Adam’s costume really was awful, he nearly skewed three people on the way.

“I think I’ll stay here for the rest of the night. I can’t afford anything at the silent auction anyway.” Adam said, accepting the drink.

“Same.” He agreed, though that wasn’t strictly true. It was more that nothing else was as interesting as the man in front of him.

They talked for a while. It was easy to talk to Adam, and even easier to flirt with him. The accent came out a few more times, once or twice with Ronan’s name.

Ronan was debating how to ask for Adam’s number when Gansey appeared next to them, looking slightly disgruntled in his lion costume.

“Ronan! I need your help. Blue bought a goat and apparently we’re supposed to take it home tonight. She thought it went to some farm but-” He paused, as if noticing Adam for the first time. “Adam! Haven’t seen you in ages. I didn’t know you two knew each other.”

“I could say the same.” Ronan replied, glancing at Adam.

“Blue made my costume.” He said, as if that explained everything.

“We’ll have to play squash soon.” Gansey said before he turned back to Ronan. “Please come help. You’re much better with farm animals than me.”

Ronan wanted to refuse but knew he couldn’t. He didn’t want to leave the poor goat alone with his friends. He nodded, promising to come soon.

“I guess I need to see a man about a goat.” Ronan said as Gansey melted back into the crowd, easily falling back into his rich facade. Normally, he’d be thrilled to watch Gansey try to wrestle an animal into his expensive car but tonight he’d much rather stay at this too small table with Adam. Seeing Gansey made him lose any confidence he had about asking Adam out- if the man played squash he was likely not interested in someone like Ronan.

Adam nodded and Ronan wanted to think he didn’t imagine the disappointment in his eyes. “Sounded pretty important.”

He made it about four steps before he felt a hand on his arm. It was Adam, smiling slightly. “I’ll come too. Figured if it’s so important you might need some help.”

Ronan grinned. It was shaping up to be a much better night than he expected.

#pynch #blue: well I didn't know that I had to keep the goat!#gansey: smh i love this girl #cue the gang trying to convince the goat not to eat the leather seats #ronan and adam probably end up in the back seat with it #distracting the goat on the ride home #tinyarmedtwrites #aurumdalseni

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sargentr · 4 years

Text

crisp trepidation

wrote this thinking of the song fine line by harry styles.

read on AO3

"Parrish." the voice said, "Parrish. Wake up."

Adam jolted awake by two hands who shook him slightly. Around him he could only see the dark, pitch black sky, shimmering with stars and constellations that came with the Virginian night, miles away from the cities. He noticed then he was still in a car, seat let back completely and a leather jacket covering his bare arms. He didn’t turn to look at the person who called him; he thought about closing his eyes, hoping what had just happened was all a nightmare.

Adam did not move. Instead, he kept looking at the stars. Altair, Deneb, Vega, Arcturus. He could name half of the sky.

The silence lingered, almost like it made noise to him. "Adam." The voice was softer. Adam turned his head ever so slightly to look up at Ronan Lynch, peering down into the open driver’s door. Blood and black stains still covered his skillfully sketched face, and traced dots and lines down his dark clothes. Like this, Adam could only see his eyes. "Come on." said Ronan, quietly, unlike himself, or, like entirely himself around people he trusted, "You can't sleep in the car." Adam sat up, and just then realized he wasn't at the parking lot of St. Agnes like he was expecting to be. No, Adam found himself staring at a family house, posted in the middle of nowhere, with barns at its outskirts. He sighed, visibly. He wanted to ask Ronan why he had brought him here, ask why he would come back here right after his mother had just passed. Ronan Lynch, he thought, full of surprises. Ronan tapped a finger once on top of the car, then lifted his posture to start walking inside, irritated to a bare minimum because Adam was clearly still out of it, "You staying there, shithead?" and so Adam got out of the car, hesitating. His limbs felt sore, and his eyes felt heavy, but sleep seemed like a million years away from catching up to him.

The Barns, just like Ronan, was not a place to play with. He didn't know what that meant exactly. He didn’t like the feeling it gave him; of belonging, trusting. Those concepts were foreign to him. He was his own home. His body, his mind, his relationships. Home wasn’t a place to Adam, because he had never had a physical home. He didn’t know how it felt.

He had a hunch it felt like this. They marched up the porch in unity. God, that porch. Just to think that merely days before that he was kissing Ronan Lynch to death, a metaphor he then thought was harmless. Now, that moment seemed as distant to Adam as being a child. It had felt like peace in his troubled routine, to be a normal teenager for a night; being able to kiss the boy he liked, to cuddle on the couch and trace fingers across his skin and exchange soft words in Latin until life caught up to Adam like it always it. He should have known it was too good to be true. Too good to last. A wind had blown by, he remembered. Adam had shivered against Ronan's pressed up body as they kissed. A small frown formed on Ronan's face when they parted, and Adam almost lifted his hand to touch were his eyebrows met in worry that he might be cold. He pulled Adam to him even more that he already was, and slipped his arms around his hips, touching the side of their faces together. That was when Ronan's hands traveled upwards, and caressed his arms in hopes of warming him. Adam pressed the side of his face to his collarbone, hands drawn up to their close chests, and sighed. "We should head inside." he had said against Ronan's skin.

He couldn't describe it, and that panicked him. Not knowing what it meant to be that warm, numb and to lose the use of his body completely when his fingers and Ronan's were tangled, being pulled to the couch, and before he could even process what had just happened, Ronan's lips were on his already.

He remembers smiling against them, not even trying to contain it. Happiness felt like a prize Adam wouldn't have expected to receive, and yet this made Adam realize how incredibly euphoric he had been in that moment. And that had been their second kiss. Now, a thing like that seemed impossible. They stepped inside, and just then it hit Adam, "Where's Orphan Girl?"

Adam's voice sounded surreal. It was too quiet, making his already cracked voice sound unbearably unfamiliar. Ronan was by the kitchen counter, walking towards the sink before he opened the tap, "Upstairs already." he said, "You to sleep for another ten minutes in the car. So I let her into Matthew’s room."

He put a hand on the wooden island, sitting down on one of those rich people high chairs, "Why didn’t you just wake me?"

Ronan closed the tap and reached for a piece cloth, turning so he could lean on the counter. He crossed his legs, shrugging.

Adam knew Ronan was either arranging for him to sleep somewhere, or just needed some time to think. Ronan was not good with words; Adam didn’t needed to remind himself of that detail. Adam looked at his nails, bloody, probably from Ronan. He felt physically so incapable of moving he would gladly sleep on that kitchen island and only wake up by sunrise. His eyebrows met, eyes still fixed down, "Can I, uh, shower?" Ronan let out a laugh. Adam looked up, "Knock yourself out." he said, almost like Adam was supposed to, even before he asked, "You can use Declan's." They didn't say anything else. ***

Adam debated wether he should just lay down and sleep or walk downstairs to talk to Ronan.

He exited Declan's bathroom, towel hanging from his hips and paced to the bed. Adam sat down thinking about how his best friend had died and come back, merely hours ago; he didn't know what to think right then. Gansey, he thought, I should be with Gansey. Don't cry, he told himself. Quickly, Adam put on the clothes he had been wearing before; blood-stained shirts and dirty jeans were not exactly new to him. He walked outside, and when he was about to turn the corner and trot down the stairs, he saw Ronan walking up, and stopped. "Where do you think you're going, Parrish?" Ronan frowned a bit, crossing his arms over his chest. Adam said, "I was going to look for you.” Ronan frowned, looking at Adam's body, trailing up and down, "Why are you still in those filthy fucking clothes?" Adam lifted his eyebrows, thinking, "Well, I didn't exactly have time to pack--"

"Wait here." said Ronan, and before Adam could protest, he had sprung past him and into his own room. A moment later, Ronan came back with a pair of grey sweatpants and a white tee.

He took Adam’s hands from his sides and placed them on his palm, "I forgot to put these in Declan's room." Adam inhaled. Something inside him was poking his stomach. He said nothing, he just stared at clothes.

It wasn't the fact that Ronan had thought of something sweet to do --Ronan was, and not surprisingly, someone who cared about others-- it was the thought that Ronan had done it for him. Something as simple and intimate as letting Adam borrow his clothes.

Adam forgot, just for a fraction of a second, what they had just gone through. Instead, he felt giddy with surprise and affection that Ronan was giving him his clothes to wear. He was also dumbfounded to be so emotional over old sweatpants and a plain white shirt. Ronan noticed. Of course he noticed, "Fine. You can sleep in dirt, for all I care." "Wait." Ronan was going to take back the items of clothing before Adam pressed them to his chest, "Sorry. I’m tired, I can't function properly." Ronan's jaw clenched, "Go to sleep, Parrish."

Adam barely nodded, and when Ronan turned to walk back to his room, a wave of panic struck through Adam's body, "Ronan?"

He stopped and looked back. Adam knew Ronan hadn't brought him to the Barns so he could sleep in Declan's room and leave early to work, but he also didn't know what he wanted that exact moment. Kiss me, he thought, do something. In all honesty, Adam felt drained of whatever love he had left in him. It wasn’t fuel to simply run out, he knew that, but he felt empty. Deprived. Lost. Shaken. And God, he just wanted affection, for once in his goddamned life. He inhaled, and realized his eyes were starting to water. He gazed down, trying to control it, but Ronan had already walked to him. He wiped his tears; Ronan was too close, and still did nothing.

Adam let out a watery, breathless short laugh, peeking a look at Ronan's hesitant state. He had never seen Adam cry. He hadn’t ever had to deal with it, so Adam spared him, “You don't have to ask my permission to touch me, you know that, right?"

Ronan's expression changed, defensive, "I know that, asshole." There he is, Adam thought. He nodded, trying to contain a small smile of amusement at Ronan having absolutely no clue on what to do. Ronan just then moved huffed a laugh as well, and left almost no space between him and Adam. And just like that, they weren’t smiling anymore.

Adam didn't dare break eye contact. He hadn't realized being this up close to Ronan would leave him suddenly breathless, lips parted, waiting. Ronan touched the side of his face, fingers grazing his jaw ever so lightly Adam couldn't stop it when his breath hitched at it. His thumb found a still wet spot on Adam's cheekbone and wiped it, before leaning down and touching his lips to Adam's.

It wasn't like their other ones. No, this one was lighter, softer, something Adam was waiting for since their first hurried kiss; Ronan’s unmasked gentleness. His hands were placed involuntarily on Ronan's sides, bringing them closer and deepening the kiss just merely.

Ronan shivered under his touch. It was something Adam found quite exquisite, his effect over him. Ronan’s body was shaking under his hands, making something hot speed through Adam's whole body. Ronan stopped kissing him for a second, and Adam thought he might've done something physically that implied the feeling. "What?" asked Adam, voice rushed, light and sweet. Adam's eyes seemed glued to Ronan's blue ones, "Nothing." he whispered, a smile almost slipping. He exhaled, and let his hands slowly travel down Adam's arms until he had reached his hand, taking them in his own. "C'mon, loser." Adam knew Ronan was trying his hardest to hide a smile. Ronan led them into his room, to his bed, and sat down. Adam stood between his legs, and rested his hands on Ronan's neck, looking down at him. And just like that, it hit him. As Adam's hands rested on Ronan's neck, just above his collarbone, he could feel how swollen it was, how the colors around his fingers didn't match Ronan's skin. Adam dropped his hands almost immediately, and avoided Ronan's eyes, his own glued to the monstrosity he knew was his doing.

"Hey." he said softly, taking one of Adam's hand in his own, trying to stop him from stepping away, "Adam?"

When he looked up to meet Ronan's eyes, he knew his own were displaying how horrified, petrified, he actually was. Ronan, though, only expressed worry. He inhaled, almost nervously, "Adam, no." "I did this-" "You didn't." cut Ronan, taking his other hand and guiding Adam a few steps forward, "You'd never hurt me." Adam shook his head, eyes still fixed at how bad Ronan's neck actually looked and thinking to himself how he did not notice that before, "Ronan, I-" "Hey." he said again, soft as ever, and if Adam wasn't melted by fear that exact moment, he'd be starstruck by it, "It's okay." Ronan lifted both of his hands, and Adam knew where they were going, "Adam. Look at me." He did. Ronan's eyes were as trustworthy as Adam had been to Cabeswater. Slowly, Ronan touched Adam's fingers to his bruised neck. He flinched, "Ronan." his voice broke visibly, "S-stop."

"It's okay." he gave Adam's fingers a light squeeze before setting them. Adam's breath hitched, "It's you. It's okay."

It took him a whole minute to do anything other than just lay them there. After that, one of them slipped to the back of Ronan's neck, and the other to his jaw, "I'm sorry." he whispered. He knew Ronan was looking at him, appreciating whatever he saw in Adam that made him worthy of appreciating. Adam kept his eyes fixed on his hands caressing his jaw, "Why didn't you stop me?" "It wasn't an option." he said, not hesitating, “A guy finally kissed me back, Parrish. If he wants to choke me then that’s fucking fine.”

Adam let out an un-calculated scoff. He silently thanked Ronan for trying to lighten the mood, “Asshole.”

Ronan smirked, "If the situation were to be inverted, you'd do the same.” Adam frowned at that, "God, no." he shook his head, playfully, "You'd kill me twice as fast. Have you seen your size compared to mine?" Ronan's tipped his head back to look up better at Adam when he took a step closer. Ronan face was a centimeter away from his chest now. He smiled up at him, playfully, “You calling me fat, Parrish?" He smiled back. At that, Ronan placed his hands on the small of Adam's back. Adam got the idea and straddled Ronan, unhurried and calmly, letting them both appreciate new grounds. “This is okay.” he said, when they touched their foreheads together, “Right?” Ronan had closed his eyes. He gave Adam’s the softest smile, “Yeah. It’s okay.” Adam kissed him. It started off the same as the last one, though Adam knew it was going to end completely different. Kissing Ronan Lynch was different from making a bargain with Cabeswater, or doing something as crazy as finding a dead Welsh king. No, kissing Ronan Lynch felt like he was playing a game of chess, in which there were no winners, and the only way out was to break the pieces. Adam did not ever want to commit such a crime. They kissed, and kissed and kissed. This or that, Ronan made it feel like it was the first time he'd ever done it. This once, Ronan starting kissing the outline of his lips, then his cheeks, and down his neck, and Adam couldn't help but feel so incredibly comfortable he slowly made Ronan trail back before he ground his hips down. Ronan displayed a type of surprise, though he was violently trying to fight against it. Adam kissed him again, and felt how breathless he already was, "Is this okay too?” Their noses were still touching, too close. Ronan held Adam's waist close, "God." he breathed, "Yeah, asshole. You don’t have to ask every time."

Adam didn't know what he was expecting, or what he wanted for that matter. All he knew was that kissing, straddling and grounding into Ronan like he was that instant felt too good to be true.

It was a medium to calm rhythm. Both of them were exhausted, drained, incapable of wanting more than just each others presence. After what felt like an eternity of panting, of feeling each other fully and completely aroused, pressing together and hearing Ronan’s muffled groans on his neck, both of them came. Clothed, warm, entwined.

They were breathless, panting slightly, mouths touching but not kissing. Adam laughed, just merely, contented and sated. Ronan placed a kiss to his cheek, and pulled him to lay down. He had a feeling they were going to ignore the mess in their boxers, and found he didn’t really care.

Now, sleep was a second away from catching up to him. They faced each other, knees and noses touching, Ronan’s hand traveling up and down his back. He was already trailing away when Ronan's deep voice broke silence, "I'm not sleeping." he said.

Adam wanted to protest, he really wanted to, but he knew how many times Ronan wanted to do that as well when Adam worked and studied himself to death, and still did not dare say a word. Adam had warned him too many times those were not subjects his friends had sayings in, and Ronan would avoid a fight with Adam any day of the week.

"Okay." he whispered back, touching the side of his face just once before letting his hand drop between them, "Wake me up if you need anything." Ronan nodded, patiently. When he realized Ronan wasn't going to say anything else, he exhaled before turning his back to him and turning off the lamps.

Before sleep took him, Adam had the faintest feeling that they were going to be all right.

#adam parrish #ronan lynch #pynch #pynch fanfiction #pynch fanfic #pynch fic rec #pynch fic #the raven cycle #TRC #call down the hawk #cdth #mlm #adam and ronan #idk running out of tags

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eury--dice · 4 years

Text

history, huh?

chapter 4: proxime

check the notes for links to other chapters and ao3!

(also would like to note a general cw for alcohol and child abuse in this chapter - see ao3/message me for more detail and please be safe and avoid if necessary)

Adam kind of wanted to go back and slap his former self before he could announce anything was “perfect.”

It was only once the turkeys were deposited in his room by blank-faced handlers that he began to regret his decision. The turkeys stared ominously at him, eerily silent for all of five seconds before they started to move and gobble.

And they didn’t stop.

SOS, he texted Ronan simply, receiving a lone question mark in reply.

iMessage chat to HRH shitty bird boy

Resumed 28 November, 2019, 12:36 am

It’s the turkeys. I saved taxpayers needless expense and now they’re going to peck me to death.

told you to stop playing the hero, Parrish.

NOW IS NOT THE TIME

CORNBREAD IS EYEING ME

Some support would be appreciated here

i’m going to assume that cornbread is one of the turkeys and not a sentient loaf of cornmeal?

No, Your Highness, I’ve been performing a complicated experiment involving a snack to see if it can gain intelligence. The crocheted eyes appear to be working.

No shit, Sherlock, good assumption.

And excuse you, in the South, we make cornbread with real corn.

if you’re going to jest don’t include hobbies that seem plausible

The science experiment or the crocheting?

both.

When would I do either of those?

fuck if i know, that’s your business.

Oh shit oh shit oh shit

Meatloaf is gobbling again.

Is gobbling a precursor to attack?

Would google it but I’m too afraid to take my eyes off of the dinos.

gobbling is widely known as a war declaration amongst turkeys

i’m surprised a smartarse like you wouldn’t know this.

Oh, fuck it, Adam thought, and before he could talk himself out of it and resign himself to a night of gobbling, the dial icon had been tapped and the glass of his phone felt cool against his hearing ear.

“Have you ever shared close quarters with a turkey?”

Adam could feel Ronan’s unimpressed silence through the phone. “No, I have not. Why the hell would I?”

“Privileged,” Adam muttered. “You don’t know how sadistic these turkeys are.”

Cornbread chose that moment to gobble rather loudly and antagonistically. Adam’s eyes snapped to the bird, his muscles freezing in pure fear. “Sorry,” he whispered.

“Christ,” Ronan said, and his tone had softened somewhat. “Did a turkey make that noise?”

“Yep,” Adam breathed.

“That is not natural,” he insisted. “What the fuck?”

“I told you!”

A squawk sounded on Ronan’s end, and when Ronan spoke his voice was a great deal gentler than it had been. “Good baby, your noises aren’t demonic…”

“I’ll assume you’re not speaking to me.”

“Fuck no. Every word out of your mouth comes straight from hell.” There was a muffled rustling nose, something that was probably feathers against skin.

“Your bird?”

“Raven. Keep up, please.”

“Ravens are birds,” Adam said, but it was probably futile. “What’s its name again?”

There was a brief pause on Ronan’s end. “Her name is Chainsaw.”

Adam’s voice fell flat in response. “Chainsaw.”

He heard a kerah. “Something wrong with that?” Ronan said, his accent drawing out the o in ‘wrong’ like it was already a guilty verdict .

“It just doesn’t seem very...royal. Or bird-like.”

“It’s a good cry better than cornbread and stuffing.”

“I didn’t name them,” Adam defended. “Blame the American people.”

“But I already blame them for so much.”

“Add it to the laundry list.” Adam flinched back as the other turkey squawked deafeningly.

It was the first time he and Ronan had spoken on the phone, and until then, he hadn’t even realized it. All it took was Cornbread’s evil gaze to snap him into reality.

Silence settled between them for a moment. Adam barely dared to breathe between the awkwardness of his conversation with Ronan and his clearly impending doom at the hands of something only distantly related to dinosaurs.

“If you get mauled by those turkeys, may I give the eulogy at your funeral?”

Adam snorted, drawn back to the feeling of the phone clenched in his hand. “Ignoring the fact that I’m the son of the President and you’re the Prince of England, absolutely.”

“Good. I’m already drafting turkey-related jokes.”

“Don’t you dare dishonor me by bringing up the cause of my demise.”

“It’s a good thing Cornbread will have clawed your esophagus out and you’ve no possible way to object.”

“Jesus.” Adam shivered. “Now I have a third part to my nightmare.”

“I would trade you Chainsaw, but she goes for the eyes and I have the feeling you’d rather keep those.”

“Your feeling is correct.”

“Also, I would fucking die for her.”

“...Strong feelings, apparently, for a bird that doesn’t seem royal-approved.”

“That’s half the reason I love her,” Ronan admitted. “Most definitely not approved.”

“Just like your tattoo?”

The line went quiet for a moment. “Yes,” Ronan finally said. “Just like my tattoo.”

That line was back, and Adam inched ever-closer to touching it with his toes.

“No trade, then. I’ll just slowly perish alone in my room. If this causes a fiasco in the press be sure to make fun of me properly.”

“Of course,” Ronan said, just as Stuffing let out a deafening gobble. “Can’t you get Sargent to intimidate them into silence? Or, wait, is it charming them into liking her? I can’t figure her out from your description.”

“Knowing Blue it could be either,” Adam admitted. “And she’s...busy.”

“Busy how?”

“Back in Virginia busy.” Adam stretched out his shoulder, keeping a wary eye on the turkeys.

“Virginia? With family?”

“Most of her family is Maura, and she’s still here,” Adam hedged, weighing the little he knew about the Sargent family with what he could say to Ronan. “But yeah, of a sort. Thanksgiving’s a rough time of year. She’s trying to help out, even though it’s not technically where she’s from. Raising money, ensuring shelter, I think she’s even got a protest planned.”

“Different shade of Sargent, then.”

“Same shade,” Adam corrected. “Different circumstances.”

Ronan hummed on the other end of the line. Adam scrambled for words, trying to lighten up the air. Stuffing squawked as though to mock his tied tongue.

“She’s been busy for the last few weeks, anyway.”

“What type of busy would this busy be?”

"Just start a new sentence. You sound ridiculous." Ronan stayed silent to his jab, clearly electing to ignore him. “...Date busy.”

“Good for her,” Ronan said, but he must have heard something else in Adam’s silence because he continued. “Wait. No. No fucking way. Not with Gansey?”

“Yes with Gansey.”

“Wow, third wheeling’s gotta be even more fucking awkward, huh?”

“God, I hope not.”

“The way you described them I thought they’d never wake up to it.”

“Me too,” Adam said. “And I’m thrilled for them, but I’m also very offended that their feelings are getting in the way of saving me. Gansey went with her.”

“Oh, you drama queen. Just sleep in Gansey’s room if the gobbling is that bad.”

“They can escape, Ronan, I swear to you. They’re like the raptors-”

“They’re named after fatty foods. You’ll be alright. Go the fuck to sleep.”

“...Yeah, alright. But you need to sleep too.”

“Wouldn't dream of letting you sleep alone,” Roman replied, his tone dry. “Good night.”

“Good night.”

As Adam let his phone fall onto his pillow, Stuffing chose to bash her wings against the cage. After almost falling out of his bed in fright, Adam quickly decided that Ronan might have been onto something about sleeping in Gansey’s room.

If he made it through the night, he owed Ronan a thank you.

***

Christmas rolled around with a mighty fervor.

It felt like one moment, Adam was sitting back down in class after Thanksgiving to crack down on some new essays, and the next he was watching evergreens and pine decorations get thrown up along White House walls in perfect synchrony.

The normal White House Christmas was an ordeal, one that did its best to stress family but mostly stressed political strategy. Nothing changed that year to make it different, but they did have a smaller affair in addition to all the festivities. Christmas Eve was, in many ways, the eye of the storm. An extreme amount of chaos was behind them, and a deluge to follow come Christmas morning, but Christmas Eve dinner was dependable, private, and blessedly relaxed. Adam, somehow, found himself looking forward to it.

He sat on one of the staircases - it really didn’t matter which one, as they all blent together, only distinguishable by where they could take him - with the decorations hanging around him and a book in his lap. For once, there wasn’t any work, and even the most work-centered version of himself was forced to concede and enjoy a few hours of pleasure reading. He had grabbed the first book he could find off of his shelf and set off. Apparently, his hand had gravitated towards Fahrenheit 451. Not exactly light enough to match the twinkling reds and golds he spotted in his periphery no matter how he turned, but a personal choice all the same.

“If you keep sitting on staircases, someone is going to walk into you,” came Gansey’s voice from behind him.

“It’s their fault for not watching their way,” said Adam. “I’m sitting with my back to them. How am I expected to know?”

“By not sitting on staircases,” Gansey repeated. The air rustled as Gansey lowered to sit on the step next to Adam. “Some nice, light reading?”

“Yes. Everything okay?”

“Grand. Mostly just avoiding Helen unpacking and my parents stressing over napkin rings.”

“Gansey Christmas sounds wonderful,” Adam said dryly. “I assume they’ll all be here tonight?”

“Of course. They’d never miss it.”

“Helen is well?”

“Fantastic, apparently. Primed to get engaged soon, she says, and the helicopter’s got a new paint job.”

Adam could almost forget how much the Ganseys looked like a new Kennedy-like dynasty, but their swarming every year always reminded him. Their Christmas photos, too - always at DC landmarks, bleached teeth and ghost-pale skin and all-American born and bred grins. And the occasional snap stories from Helen of her mid-piloting a flying vessel didn’t help.

“Glad to hear it,” he said, not surprised to find the words genuine.

He got to see the Gansey family anxiety for himself only a few hours later, donned in an ugly Christmas sweater Blue had insisted on. Mr. Gansey cast a discerning eye around the room while Mrs. Gansey smiled tightly at his side, dressed pristinely. Helen chatted idly with Blue, though Blue looked prepared to bolt at a moment's notice.

“Ho-ho-horseshit?” Maura questioned, snapping him away from his reverie and gazing around like a caged animal. Her eyes traced over the pattern on his shirt.

“Blue’s homemade gift,” he said by way of response, to which Maura only sighed heavily. Her sudden appearance reminded him he had a task to perform, the small handled bag digging into his palm suddenly given a purpose. He held the bag out to Maura with a small grimace, watching one of her eyebrows quirk. “I was told to give you this.”

Maura withdrew an identical sweater from the bag. “Sending you to do her dirty work, hm?”

“I suppose so.”

“Hm,” was all Maura replied, until she lifted her analytical gaze to him. “Thanks, Adam,” she said, and in one of the greatest surprises of the night, slid her arm over his shoulders and drew him into a quick hug. “Now sit down. We’ve gotta start wrangling dinner if we want this to end before midnight.”

Adam took his place next to Gansey at the smaller table, unfolding a napkin and laying it across his lap. The gals at the table slowly began to fill in as Gansey chatted about the recent tabloid conjectures.

“The youngest is back in the tabloids, you know, trying to get him on drug use again.”

“Oh, really?” Adam muttered, eyes scanning idly over the periphery of the room. His eyes snagged on the Christmas decorations, simpler than the majority of the White House decor. A few string lights here and there, hanging baubles, the occasional pile of fake snow. His finger tapped at the stem of his empty wine glass.

“Last time he disappeared for public for a while. Heaven knows if that’ll happen again.”

He felt an itch inside his deaf ear, one he knew he wouldn’t be able to reach. “Disappeared?”

“Yeah, just...gone, no public appearances…”

It was a vague memory, or perhaps a memory of a memory. Just a snatch of something that made the hairs in the back of his neck stand up. He tried to focus on Gansey’s words, but all at once they started sliding around, unclear and blending with the too-loud noises of dinner being served. A cacophony of clacks and laughs and voices. His head burned.

Gansey’s voice lowered. “Are you alright, Adam?”

He scooted his chair backward quickly, muttering something like “back in a minute” to Gansey before rushing away. He felt eyes on the back of his head, but he didn’t pause or slow until the door to his bedroom shut firmly behind him and he leaned against it, completely alone.

“Parrish?” Ronan’s voice said in his ear, low and urgent, and oh. Adam hadn’t even realized his phone was in his hand, much less that he’d managed to press Ronan’s contact or raise it to his ear. He did briefly remember the ringing, but then words were falling out of his mouth and he didn’t waste any more brainpower on how he reached that position.

“I don’t want to…to bother you,” Adam said, and only someone who had known him for a long time would know how much it took Adam to say those words despite the fact that it was a mantra in his head repeating infinitely. Blue, who had known him since the age of five, had heard him say it only a handful of times. Gansey had heard it perhaps a handful more, though that was mostly because Adam felt strangely indebted to Gansey no matter how much he tried to change it. Ronan should not have known, but Adam had a feeling he would anyway. “You hate phones and it’s Christmas Eve and-”

“Adam,” Ronan said abruptly, and the use of his first name stopped him short. “It’s two in the morning. I’m just with Matthew. Talk.”

“Hi, Adam,” came a cheerful voice, somehow sounding like an even better picture-perfect British monarchy member than Ronan or Declan. “Ronan’s told me everything about how he-”

Adam missed Ronan’s ensuing muttered comment, something that most likely resembled a threat, but soon the voice that Adam assumed to be Mathew let out a trailing laugh, the sound growing fainter as he likely moved away from the phone.

“And fuck you!” Ronan called, with his mouth moved away from the receiver, before his attention returned to Adam. “He’s gone now.”

“It’s okay,” Adam said. “I didn’t mind.”

“I know,” Ronan said simply. “But I thought it might be easier. Now go.”

“I-I just,” Adam fumbled with his words for a moment, his free hand curling into a fist on his thigh. He felt, strangely, like he was back in Aglionby PE class trying to participate in a football scrimmage. He’d always come just short of catching the ball. He’d known what he was supposed to do, where his hands were supposed to go, the sequence of events following the initial contact, even the proper footwork. But whenever the ball reached him, he felt the disconcerting motion of closing his arms around nothing, always a second too early or too late, leather slipping from his arms like butter in a hot pan. “Couldn’t be at that dinner any longer.”

“Why?” Ronan asked, and it was a good question, a good question that Adam had avoided so many times over he barely knew how to respond. He almost deflected like he always did, but Ronan asked the question differently than everyone else. There was no expectation in the question, no real drive to know the answer other than making Adam feel better, no guarantee of hearing the full truth or any version of the truth at all. Why. Why respond now?

“I was little,” he said, and fuck why did he go down this road at all? “And everything was overwhelming when I was little, and everything is overwhelming now, but it’s even more overwhelming at Christmas.” Ronan didn’t say it again, but still, it traveled across an ocean to hover over Adam uncertainly. Why?

“I don’t remember a lot about it. I don’t know if that’s because of...how it was, or just because I was so small. Younger than three, I think.”

“I barely remember anything from then,” Ronan said, the closest thing to reassurance Adam had received from him.

“Yeah,” Adam said. “Yeah. I guess. But I remember...I remember the double-wide. The great American double-wide in the great American trailer park with the great American alcohol and the great, raging American father.”

Ronan’s breath shifted ever so slightly.

Adan screwed his eyes shut. “I don’t...my mother wasn’t there. But she was the one who put the Christmas lights up. I couldn’t stop staring at them. I can still remember...they made the tan wall look almost golden. Just where the lights touched it, of course.” His voice trailed off, realizing how tangential it sounded. Softly, he added “I don’t know why I remember those lights.”

“Our minds remember random things,” Ronan said, perhaps to bring Adam back to the story.

“Yeah,” Adam agreed, blinking quickly. “Yeah. He didn’t...he didn’t like that. Me looking at them, I mean. So he...he took them down.”

The silence pressed in at his ears, threatening to close in on him just like walls.

“I see,” Ronan said.

“And he…” Adam swallowed, feeling his Adam’s apple scratch tightly against his neck. He pressed his free hand to his deaf ear. “I don’t remember a lot after that, either. But the bulbs were...hot. It was freezing inside, so they should have been, too, but they were lightbulbs, I guess, and so they were hot. At some point, I fell into a railing. It burst my left eardrum.” At that moment, he could feel that second in startling clarity - pinpricks and needles and blood vessels dancing on his skin, sharp, pointed, wild attacks, and the loudest noise he’s ever heard in his life, making him collapse to the ground and forget everything else. Pain, bright and white and flashing and throbbing in time with his heartbeat until he wanted to melt into the floor. Adam was the better part of two decades removed from it, and still, the thought of that moment made his stomach turn over and over.

Adam knew he didn’t imagine Ronan’s intake of breath then.

“And my mother got home, and when she saw we left and never came back.”

The walls pressed closer to him until Ronan said “Well, shit. Fuck. Jesus.”

Adam brought his hand to his mouth, pressing it until the pressure began to ease up in his gut. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, muffled against his fingers.

“No, shit, Parrish. Don’t you dare apologize.” There was a quick exhale, something that sounded like leather sliding down a headboard. “That’s what you remember of Christmas?’

“Yeah. I don’t - I don’t remember a whole lot.”

“Well, thank God for that.”

Not even Blue and Gansey knew that story. They knew the vague details, of course, how his smiles turned tight around the White House decorations and he preferred to slip into his room early on holidays. And that Robert was the reason for his being deaf in one ear. He could just never get the entire story out around them.

Telling Ronan about it was easy, though, in a way that it shouldn’t have been. He was supposed to hate Ronan, even if it became more clear with every passing day that he was far from hatred.

“I guess I should. It’s not like I’ve done any of that in a long time.”

“You don’t have to.” A slight pause. “I can.”

Adam tried to keep the doubt out of his voice. “You can?”

For a brief moment, Adam thought Ronan might hang up on him. But then he said, “Can I tell you a secret, Parrish?”

After everything I just put on you, you could tell me a thousand secrets. You know I’ll keep every single one. I’m trusting you with a story that no one else knows, that no one else will ever know. I could do nothing less than keep your secret.

All he said was “Of course.”

“You know my Irish father? My Irish storytelling father? My Irish-Catholic father?”

“Right.”

“He passed down more to me than just his Irish stories.”

It took Adam’s brain a moment to catch up. “I...see.”

“All three of us...well, behind closed doors, that’s what we practice. Believe. Whatever shit you want.”

“Right. So no… C of E.”

“On the record, of course. Off the record...no. None at all.”

Adam hummed in response. He couldn’t think of what else to say.

“So...I will. If that’s okay.”

“Yeah. Of course.” A knock sounded on the door, sounding suspiciously like Gansey’s familiar tapping. He rose slowly, crossing to fall onto his bed. “I should probably let you go. Don’t want you to have too prolonged contact with any screens.”

“Disgusting,” Ronan said. A beat passed. “Are you a bit better?”

Adam shut his eyes, feeling the tension coiled in his chest ease up slightly. The line between the two of them materialized at his feet, on the backs of his lids, and he could nearly touch it with the toe of his shoes. “Yes,” he admitted. “Thank you.” And of all the words for Adam to say, they were the easiest and hardest to accomplish.

“Thank you,” Ronan said, and if Adam didn’t know any better he would think the words sounded harder to say for Ronan than Adam. But the line clicked and fell dead before Adam could say anything. He stared at the phone for a moment until the screen switched off from disuse, leaving him in the dark. Only then did he stand and cross the room to perch on the edge of his bed.

Gansey’s head poked through his doorway. He hesitated as though asking for permission, and Adam nodded.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt anything."

“It’s fine,” Adam hedged. “We were wrapping up.”

Gansey fell heavily into Adam’s desk chair just as he always did. “Everything alright?”

“Now it is, yeah.”

He seemed to be trying to put all the pieces of the puzzle together. “That wasn’t Noah, was it?”

“No, of course not.”

Gansey nodded once. “So it was Ronan.”

“What?” Adam sat up a little too quickly, blood rushing to his head. “Why would you say - how do you-?”

“You don’t exactly have a wide circle of friends. Guessing is easy.”

“I hate your knowledge of my loneliness.” He swallowed roughly. “And we’re not... friends.”

Gansey cocked one eyebrow. His thumb raised to run over his lower lip. “Really?” He challenged.

And, well. No. Not really. Adam thought of their strings of messages, the trade of information between them so easy and simple. He couldn’t pretend that they were enemies anymore, or that their general feelings weren’t positive.

“Really,” He said, launching himself up off of his bed. Smoothing out the wrinkles in his pants, he glanced back over to his friend. Gansey was studying him with a distantly memorable expression, as though trying to discern a difficult Latin translation but determined not to ask for help.

“Well,” Gansey said, blinking once, twice. He stood abruptly, noting Adam moving towards the door. “Let’s off, then.” “You’re not British, Gansey, don’t say that.”

“Mm, you’d know all about their phrases, wouldn’t you?”

“Do not.”

Before Adam reached the door, Gasney stopped him, saying his name so lowly Adam almost missed it. He turned and waited for Gansey to speak.

“Are you sure you can go back?” Adam mustered a smile. No, he thought, but Ronan’s voice echoed in his head. Don’t apologize. Maybe he could make it through after all, have a slightly better memory of Christmas. “Yeah, I am.” And he turned the doorknob to let them spill out into the hallway.

***

iMessage chat to HRH shitty bird boy

Resumed 29 December, 2019, 5:17 pm

Look. I’m just saying.

Ignoring the fact that bearer bonds haven’t been legally in use since 1982

That henchman says that they’re valued at $100,000 USD

(£75,700 for your British ass)

and then Alan Rickman says they earn 20%

When the interest rate on corporate bonds was 9% when Die Hard came out??

And also there’s never been a US bond worth more than $10,000??

stop letting sargent force you to watch die hard

for the love of god stop

it’s a MOVIE

It’s not Blue, actually.

It’s your best friend.

henry??? how??

Netflix party

He got my number (thanks for that)

And wouldn’t stop texting insisting we watch it

Or he (as threatened) will “release the bees??”

I’m not sure what he meant but here I am.

Accidentally desecrating Alan Rickman’s legacy.

Blue’s here too but it’s not her fault, at least.

that asshole

how dare i not be included in everything he does

“Why the hell is Ronan on the guest list?” Adam demanded, casting his eyes over their virtual list for what felt like the hundredth time. Planning for their New Year’s Eve fundraising event/PR dream/blowout party had been well underway since before Christmas, but crucial developments always occurred in the weeklong stretch between Christmas and New Year’s. Like the inclusion of the Prince of England on their exclusive invitation list of all the most famous and powerful twenty-somethings from around the planet.

Blue, seated sideways in an armchair and eating a container of strawberry yogurt at a glacial pace, said “I thought you added him?”

Adam wouldn’t put it past her to add him and feign innocence - she had some hidden agenda with him and Ronan, anyway, one he wasn’t quite sure of - but her ignorance seemed genuine. At once, they both turned to Gansey. He kept his face blank.

“Good question, Adam,” he said, refusing to back down under their stares. “But the real question is why didn’t you invite him?”

Adam, too, did his best to look passive. “Why would I?”

“He’s your only friend that’s not currently in this room?”

“Plus he’s great for the press,” Blue chimed in.

Adam just looked between them, and Gansey sighed.

“Look, Adam, it’s - it’s great that you actually get along with him. Like him.”

“Do not,” Adam retorted automatically. His phone buzzed, and he felt his cheeks darken a little with the knowledge that it was probably Ronan. Gansey and Blue were probably staring at each other and having one of their silent conversations, but he didn’t trust himself to look at them without giving anything away. Not that there was anything to give away. “You invited Cheng too, right? Ronan won’t come if he doesn’t.” “Thought you didn’t care?” Blue asked, and he shrugged.

“They’ve both RSVP’d yes, Adam, so I’m sure your best friend will be there.”

“Lovely,” Adam muttered, ushering them along the rest of their planning.

Just before eight PM on the thirty-first of December, Adam curled into his desk chair with a textbook perched on his bent knees. Blue, already dressed and made up while laying spread-eagle on his bed, fiddled with the hem of her shirt. She’d managed to convince PR that a self-designed outfit would make a splash, and Adam had to agree with her - she really did have a knack for design and upcycling.

Technically, they should have been heading down to play host to all types of young, influential people, buttering them up for cash and future favors. But much as the media loved their wild parties, none of the White House Trio were particularly fond of them. They preferred a quieter scene, but quiet didn’t raise money and make headlines.

That didn’t mean they couldn’t hole up and enjoy the peace and quiet before then.

Gansey, who by far had the greatest social battery, was therefore left to field early attendants and the press on the lawn. He’d come and drag them out of Adam’s room soon enough, of course, but before that time came there was relative peace.

“I guess we’ll get one more of these,” Blue said. “At least.”

Adam lifted his eyes from the book and looked at her. “Yes,” he said softly. “I think I’ll miss them?”

She laughed, a deep laugh that eased a bit of the pre-party anxiety in his chest. “I won’t. I hate this party.”

“But don’t you like flirting with all the daughters of Oscar-winning actresses?”

Blue hummed. “That is fun. They’re never ready for it.”

“They never are.”

“I’ll be doing less of that this year, though.”

“And hopefully forever?” Adam teased. The sudden air of wistfulness descending around Blue gave him a hint of pause. She took a moment to respond.

”Maybe,” she muttered. “Shut up.”

Adam let it go for then, sensing genuine distress in Blue’s stiffened shoulders.

“They wouldn’t be so bad if everyone didn’t get so blacked out.”

“Well, we have liability waivers now. And I think you mean it would be worse.”

Adam sighed. “I guess no one would show up without the promise of alcohol.”

“Exactly.”

Contrary to how Blue and Gansey made him live, Adam really didn’t enjoy drinking that much. When he did, he preferred to do so quietly - sitting in the music room with the rest of the trio, celebrating a good grade with his family, breaking out something to make a night-in a little more exciting. Events like the Royal Wedding were a one-off, where he needed distraction and alcohol presented itself.

He didn’t want to think about the need for distraction just then, with Ronan and Henry Cheng most likely en route to the White House.

A few quick, precise knocks came at the door. Gansey. He popped his head in.

“You two need to show up soon or it’s going to look suspicious,” he greeted. Blue made a tiny noise of discontent and made to turn her face into Adam’s pillow, but must have remembered her makeup and decided otherwise.

Adam heaved a sigh and stood, smoothing one hand over his hair. He’d straightened and smoothed it down for the event, knowing the cameras preferred him in all of his polished glory. He glanced between Blue and Gansey, but their gazes didn’t flicker from each other. Something about the hunger in their eyes made Adam ache, a tight knot settled in his chest. Gansey moved into the room and Adam out of it. He cast a glance through the doorway over his shoulder, trying to gauge if he should wait for them. By the low, urgent whispers carrying between them and Gansey’s hands rested on Blue’s elbows as they stood nearly flush, his presence was no longer necessary.

Adam trailed down the hallowed halls until he reached the mingling mass of people in the East Room. He turned on his smile, trying his best to become invisible. It didn’t work. At every turn, another person grabbed his shoulder to catch up, another drink pressed into his hand, another question hurled his way. At some point, he started to feel a bit numb in the fingers, tiredness and giddiness from the schmoozing seeping into his bones.

Blue appeared at his side. Her smile had dampened somewhat, but he could tell she was enjoying herself from the set of her brows. Something, however, was off at just that moment. She inclined her head behind her, and that was all the explanation Adam needed.

Ronan often had that upsetting effect on people.

Adam took a moment to observe the scene. Ronan and Henry Cheng stood several feet away, engaged in conversation with Gansey, who walked backwards tidily through the crowd as though herding them towards Adam. Ronan’s face remained passive, clad in his black-leather best. Adam’s skin felt hot and itchy under his shirt, and he looked instead to Cheng. In his Madonna t-shirt, Cheng drew attention to himself in waves. Between his eccentric origin story and absently friendly expression, not to mention the excited manner in which he partook in whatever Gansey was saying, Cheng would surely be the hot commodity of the party.

“Making friends?” Adam asked Blue, pulling a face at the same time she did.

“He’s your best friend,” she replied just as Gansey reached them. Blue reached out a hand to stop him from colliding with them, stretching her arm so that it was almost straight, and he caught her hand easily with a squeeze.

From what Adam could tell, their conversation centered around some vague school memory from Eton, but it dissolved as soon as Blue and Adam broke their circle. The brief silence was broken quickly by Henry Cheng, who announced, “Well, if it isn’t the man with the worst opinions about Die Hard.”

Against his will, Adam felt the corners of his lips twitch. “And the man who cried over Alan Rickman dying in Die Hard.”

Henry shrugged. “I wear my emotions proudly.”

“We fucking know,” Ronan said, breaking his silence. Adam hated how nicely the tight leather jacket accented his pale skin and high cheekbones, looking almost regal in his rebellion. “You monologued about the unbridled joy in your heart over the Madonna song playing when we first arrived.”

Henry grinned. “I will not apologize for being stable in my masculinity, Ronan, unlike all you repressed British types.”

“I need a drink,” Ronan declared loudly, plucking one from the closest tray and downing it in one graceful motion as one might serve a tennis ball. Henry did not appear phased by the sudden dramatics.

“Now, let’s see if I get everyone.” He turned his head to Gansey, moving around the circle. “We’ve got King Ganseyman, of course. Adam Parrish, the least valid person I can think of for purely petty reasons. And of course our dear Periwinkle.”

Adam cocked a brow and subtly shifted his eyes to look at Blue. She looked fit to claw out someone’s eye even though her own eye scars were obscured in makeup; her hand had tightened significantly around Gansey’s, and he gave no indication of pain from the movement beyond the barest twitch of his mouth.

“Clever,” she said at last, sparing him a tight, sarcastic smile. “I’ve also read the labels on nail polish to pick up a few new words. It’s nice to know you can read.”

“Yes, well, you have to start your journey to literacy somewhere,” Henry said grandly. “I appreciate your support, of course.”

Adam caught a flicker of amusement pass of Blue’s face. He had a sinking suspicion that maybe Blue wasn’t as averse to Cheng as she put on a show of.

“Are you literate enough to read off a drink order?” she said.

Henry grinned, white teeth lining in rows in his mouth. “I suppose I can string a few words together.”

Without letting go of Gansey, Blue surged forward, looping her other arm in Henry’s. The three of them trailed off towards the drinks, Blue and Henry moving determinedly and Gansey, bemused and grinning at their sudden acquaintanceship, lagging a step or so behind. Adam gazed after them for a moment, but Ronan took a step closer to be heard over the music and he turned his head to look at him.

“She’s gonna have them wrapped up all night.”

Adam raised a brow. “You can read her that well?”

Ronan gave his head the tiniest, nearly imperceptible shake. “No. I know Cheng and Gansey.”

The heat of the room was starting to cling to Adam’s skin; he rolled one shoulder uncomfortably. “Of course. Eton gang’s reunited.”

“For better or worse,” Ronan agreed lowly.

Adam meant to ask what he meant by that, but he never received the chance. A hand tapped Ronan firmly on the shoulder, and Adam watched as he turned automatically. His face broke into an uncharacteristic grin at the sight of the person behind him. Adam felt his forehead crease as the figure wrapped their arms around Ronan’s shoulders and he hugged them back almost as enthusiastically. For a moment, the only sight was the overlapping of pale and dark skin, the stranger’s feather-pink jacket contrasting with the black leather Ronan wore.

Then the two separated, and between the black bralette, exuberant eyeshadow, and tight-coiled hair shining under the strobe lighting, Adam recognized Hennessy - up-and-coming London artist, an occasional nuisance. and precisely the type of person that thrived at these parties.

“You bastard,” she said to Ronan. “I didn’t know you were gonna be here.”

“Henry was live-tweeting the whole flight.”

She scoffed lightly, rubbing at an invisible spot of dirt on Ronan’s cheek. “I've had him muted since uni.”

“Don’t let him hear that you haven’t been keeping up on his page.”

“Aww, it’s sweet you worry for me, little fox, but I can take that pissant any day of the week.”

Ronan pulled back slightly. “Of course you could, but Henry goes more for psychological violence.”

“Yes, well, I can get him in that too.” Neither acknowledged Adam standing nearby. Hennessy shook her head, curls bouncing with the movement and picking up all kinds of strobe lighting. “Where is he, that shadow of yours?”

“Cheng could never be anyone’s shadow. He’s too out there.”

“And you’re the one he chooses not to abandon, hm? How sweet.” When she smiled, she looked very much like a painting, striking and set and venomous enough to burn at the slightest brush. Ronan appeared impervious.

“He’s making friends.”

“Hm. How boring.”

Ronan’s voice lowered, but Adam thought he could hear him say “Jordan’s not here?”

Hennessy’s lips, the same vibrant shade as her lids, pulled a little tighter. “Nah,” she replied, casual enough. “Working on some deadlines, poor thing.” Her eyes flitted away from Ronan’s face for the first time, landing squarely on Adam instead. Her grin widened. “Well, there’s our treasured host. Late to your own party?”

“I have learned a few things from you over the years, Hennessy,” Adam replied, slipping a hand into his pocket in an attempt to appear more casual than he felt.

“Fuck, I guess you have,” she admitted. Compared to Ronan’s accent, her voice sounded slipperier and rounder, sliding through the air until it reached his ears. She lifted a hand to land one last pat to Ronan’s cheek before gliding on to land a similar one to Adam. She paused briefly in front of him, lowering her hand.

“You look happy,” she noted. Waggling her fingers in a wave, she turned back so both Adam and Ronan could see her. “I need a drink to get through all these boring political types. Ta, darlings,” she said, before disappearing back into the crowd as quickly as she had arrived.

Adam exchanged a look with Ronan. “So you know Hennessy?”

“I’d hope so, yeah,” Ronan said, but he didn’t elaborate. “You?”

“We've met a few times.”

“Pity,” Ronan said, standing like he wasn’t quite sure what to do with his hands.

Adam rolled a few words around on his tongue - questions, mostly, infused with the sudden jealousy he felt simmering low in his gut - but instead all he said, so out of character, was “Do you want a drink?”

His shoulders seemed to soften slightly. “Can’t let Sargent have all the good ideas, I guess.”

“I’ll tell her you thought it was a good idea.”

“Fuck off.”

Ronan appeared a little more at ease with a drink in hand, and eventually, Adam lost him to the crowd. He stood stranded for the briefest of moments before Henry Cheng appeared, for the second time that night, at his side.

“Adam Parrish,” he said, handing off a drink that looked clear and deadly. It took his fingers a moment to remember to grab it rather than letting it splash to the ground.

“Cheng,” Adam said, letting the déja vû wash over himself. “Thought we already had our introductions.”

“Of course,” Henry replied, tone too even and pleasant for the chaos around them. “Just wanted a chat with the movie critic, is all.”

Adam cast a skeptical eye around the room. “You’re sure this is the best place?”

“No time like the present, my friend.” Henry threw an arm around his shoulders, guiding Adam towards the dance floor and obscuring his own voice further. “How about you down that there drink and enjoy yourself? You look positively coiled and ready to strike.”

“I’d really rather not. What is it you wanted to talk about?”

“Well, if you’re so connected to sobriety, so be it,” Henry said, stealing the drink back. He nodded over Adam’s shoulder as he lowered his head back down from the drink, and when Adam glanced he saw a flash of Ronan’s leather among the crowd. “Our Ronan is looking fit, no? I’m proud of him for getting out of the house.”

“Some house,” Adam muttered, not expecting Henry to hear. All the same, his companion let out a startled laugh.

“Could say the same to you. But yes,” he said, leaning closer, “between you and me, the palace is always quite disarming.” Straightening and throwing a wave over his shoulder, Henry added, “Perhaps you have more reason to get used to it than I do, however.”

“More reason?”

Henry smiled, then, and somehow it appeared as menacing as Hennessy’s had earlier. Maybe he’d learned from her. “Friends of the royals make quite frequent trips, I’m afraid.”

“What, you’re not approved enough?”

“‘Fraid not. Heir to a fortune is not the same as First Son, Parrish, and I believe you’ve a wonderful slip of parchment ensuring just how approved you are.”

“I can’t find it in myself to be surprised you know.”

“Well, imagine being me if I didn’t!” Henry exclaimed, drawing the attention of a few popular influencers as he splashed a drink in their direction with his aggressive gesturing. “I was only on the receiving end of the HRH’s rants for three bloody years before you wrestled each other in frosting at the greatest wedding of the decade-”

“We didn’t wrestle-”

“And then you turn up a week later, acting all buddy-buddy for every camera you find - well, it would look suspicious had I not known!”

“Mhm,” Adam drawled, cutting his eyes back to Henry. “I bet Ronan can’t keep a secret from you.”

Henry grinned again, baring his teeth. “You’ve read him so well, McClane.” He sighed theatrically barely a moment later. “And debunked my argument succinctly.”

“That’s the price to pay for knowing all of Ronan’s thoughts, I suppose, Gruber.”

“Among many others. I’d expect his Niamh to know that well enough, though.”

Adam felt himself freeze as Henry’s hand came in contact with his shoulder, a friendly pat. His Niamh. As if that meant anything, as if those words fit together in any logical pattern. His Niamh, and his mother’s voice - almost golden.

“Or you will soon enough, mate,” Henry said. “Have fun. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

And Henry Cheng disappeared into the crowd, popping up laughing with Blue a few feet away.

Adam surrendered gaining any grip on this night right then.

At some point, Hennessy found him, pressing a drink into his palm - what was with all his friends and acquaintances plying him with alcohol? - and said, “Well, I’d think you were avoiding me as you have at the last two of these parties.”

“Never avoiding,” Adam defended, mustering a smile as he lifted the drink to his lips without thinking. “Just generally indisposed at events.”

“You’re making some good choices, then.”

“What’s done must be done.”

She raised a single eyebrow. “Rather defeatist of you, Golden Boy. Don’t remember that from your time on the campaign trail.”

Adam grinned. “I’m a fully realized creation. I have the capacity to change.” “There he is, bringing out the philosophy at parties.” She nodded to something that might have been Ronan if Adam focused his eyes and squinted enough. “Don’t remember him, either.”

“Have I mentioned you look fantastic?”

“I know, darling, and I note your deflection.”

“My point stands.”

“And it’s valued.” She slid an arm over his shoulders, uncomfortably warm, to lean closer to his ear. “But we’re gonna have a conversation when you’re not overwhelmed at a party you don’t want to throw. I’m serious about the ignoring.”

“I know you are.”

“Mhm. And if I were you, I’d go check on your boy. But I’m not you, so I’m going to enjoy myself.”

As quickly as she’d appeared, she slid off into the crowd, joining the numbers of people Adam had completely lost to the mob. Everyone seemed able to navigate it but him.

As the clock neared midnight and another drink disappeared from Adam’s hand, leaving his blood buzzing pleasantly through his veins, he slipped out one of the ornate double doors. He breathed in fresh air like a man coming across water in the desert, the haze around his mind clearing with every breath. He ambled to a free bench, his legs still stiff and straight from overuse. The stone bit into his long fingers as he curled his hand around the bench seat, but he welcomed the feeling because it was so far from the thriving mass of bodies indoors.

At some point, he opened his eyes again. His eyes had briefly registered another figure outdoors by the statue when he first exited. Only once his eyes were open and scanning did he recognize the figure, a silhouette of black leather cut harshly from the ethereal white exterior of the Residence.

“Everything okay?” He called to Ronan.

“Yeah,” Ronan replied without turning to face him. “Just...getting some air.”

It was easier to associate this Ronan with the one he heard on the phone - so far from that royal persona projected everywhere, a voice in a face with no expectations on it. Ronan could have been anyone, his accent lax and his posture eerily straight in a contrast that made Adam feel a bit winded.

“It’s loud in there,” he admitted.

Ronan didn’t respond, but Adam’s statement wasn’t one that required response.

“I thought this would be more your scene,” Adam finally said, challenge creeping into his voice. He wasn’t sure if it was a genuine challenge or if he was just falling back on old habits instead of saying something he might regret.

“And I didn’t think it would be yours.”

“Fair enough, since it’s not.”

Ronan threw him a glance over one shoulder at that. “Makes perfect sense to throw this function, then.”

“Well, the media doesn’t exactly eat up overpriced textbooks and econ calculations, so I do what I can.”

“Mm,” Ronan hummed in something that sounded like agreement. “They do love the sex, drugs, and rock and roll, even in places it’s not happening.”

Adam stood, placing his hands on his knees like he had bad joints. “Unless if you actually went to 239 parties last year, I’d guess you know all about that exaggeration.”

“Do you stalk my tabloids, Parrish? The fuck?”

“No, Gansey does. With everybody. He just reads all his findings to me.”

“Terrifying,” Ronan muttered. “If I die of mysterious circumstances, you’ll both be on the shortlist of suspects.” “What?” Adam challenged. “You’ll keep it in the breast pocket of your blazer?”

“Sure,” Ronan replied. “I have to keep it folded up close to my heart, of course. Keep your lovers close but enemies closer.”

Ronan tilted his head in the direction of the statue, silently beckoning Adam to stand by him. It felt a bit like a confession, like his permission implied passing some silent test.

Briefly, in his buzzing brain, he wondered what side of that spectrum he fell on.

“Did you get sick of watching Blue and Gansey?”

Adam shrugged, pulling to a stop just next to Ronan. He kicked absently at the ground with his toe. “A bit.”

“That has to have been a weird development to get used to.”

“A bit,” Adam repeated.

“Still, it hasn’t been too long.”

“I think they’ve been a thing for longer,” Adam admitted.

Ronan turned his head, and suddenly Adam felt the icy cool of his eyes trained on Adam’s face. “Why?”

Adam shrugged. “I don’t know. It just seems obvious, looking back. They’ve clearly been together for a while. August, at least.” He crossed his arms over his chest, the December-January chill suddenly settling over him. “I think they were...protecting me.”

Ronan snorted, the gesture not a bit princely. “Protecting you?”

Adam fiddled with the cuffs of his shirt.

“I’m damaged goods, Highness,” he said at length. “I’m fragile.”

Even though Adam didn’t turn to him, he felt Ronan’s eyes probe deeper as though imploring Adam to look back to him. “That’s a fucking lie,” he said, his voice low and dangerous.

Adam snorted, but Ronan was not deterred.

“You’re not fragile,” he repeated. “If you’re fragile, the world is being held up by - by dental floss and craft glue. No, a weak person couldn’t do what you do. Bullshit for the cameras at least once a week, keep up your grades, work on policy with Czerny, keep up your ratings so that they never dip - that’s too much for someone who is fragile.”

“Oh, then you must be superhuman, with all the bullshitting you do.”

“Of course I am, Parrish,” Ronan said, turning his eyes up and away from Adam.

They stood shoulder to shoulder, elbows rested on the cold metal fence guarding the statue. The night sky hung above them, pale in all of the light pollution of the city, but if Adam strained he could see the faint points carving themselves into the sky and drawing themselves into pictures and promises. Ronan’s heat radiated next to him, leather almost snagging on cotton. The fact that this was their first time seeing each other in person since the hospital photo-op did not escape Adam’s notice, but neither did the easy way in which they managed to coexist despite the time and distance removing them from that point.

When the moment grew too heavy, he said, “Did you look at my Wikipedia page?”

“No.”

Adam arched an eyebrow.

“...Matthew may have done some light Googling.”

Adam laughed. It wasn’t his carefree camera laugh, the ones that kept up his ratings, but it was a laugh nonetheless, one that dispersed through the air as though worried it could be stolen away at any moment. Ronan’s face shuttered abruptly. His expression became inscrutable, and Adam didn’t realize he’d looked happy until he no longer did.

All at once, Adam remembered the line separating them, and he felt certain they were touching it with their feet almost overlapping, face to face and chest to chest.

“You didn’t have to come,” Adam said softly, his normal voice suddenly feeling far too loud for the little bubble forming around them, devoid of anyone else. “Not if you didn’t want to.”

Ronan didn’t speak for a moment, by choice or to gather his words, Adam didn’t know. “I did.”

Adam just shook his head, choosing to stand in comfortable silence. A star winked in the sky.

“Non est ad astra mollis e terris via,” Ronan whispered, his lips barely movin g. There is no easy way from the earth to the stars.

“Itaque imus ad astra, per aspera,” Adam replied, barely thinking about it. So we go through hardships to the stars.

Ronan visibly started at his use of Latin. Adam smirked as if you say you’re not the only one with a posh education.

“Shooting for the stars, Highness?”

Rona turned his eyes back to the sole bright star. “I might as well be.”

“I’d doubt whatever it is that’s bothering you is as hopeless as that.”

Adam couldn’t take his eyes off of Ronan, noting the way his lips thinned. “Oh, but it is. In my position. In my life.”

“Non ergo qui in vobis sunt terminum tibi.”

Ronan turned his head toward Adam again, and Adam felt a spark of fear over what he might do if he turned his head to meet Ronan’s eyes, blue as a never-ending lake stretching on and on until he drowned against the sand.

He turned his head anyway. The stars suspended above them, the leaves ceasing to rustle and shuffle, the party inside fading away until everyone disappeared into nothingness. Ronan lifted one hand from the railing and slid it along Adam’s cheek, his skin heating and jolting at the touch like Ronan himself was made of electricity and stardust, like the galaxies that Adam had once been were meeting their long lost particles in Ronan’s hand. In Ronan’s eyes, he could have sworn he heard words turning over and over.

Adam heard him whisper, then, the words that must have been bouncing in his head. “Pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of our death,” he muttered, the tail-end of something Adam couldn’t quite place. He parted his lips to speak just before Ronan kissed him.

Surprisingly, or perhaps not, he didn’t worry that he was kissing someone - kissing Ronan . For once in his life, he forgot about everything else. He didn’t worry about anyone inside or what anyone might think. That would come later.

Ronan’s lips pressed to his, and he tried to string a coherent thought together but was instead met with abstract, overjoyed ideas floating aimlessly in his brain instead.

The press of Ronan against him was hard, sharp lines and corners poking into his chest and his hips and his legs, but his lips were soft and Adam tasted whiskey and powdered sugar on Ronan’s tongue and Ronan’s teeth flashed against his lip and he thought he might die, that the feeling may kill him if he did that again.

He didn’t have a chance to test that hypothesis, because Ronan pulled back and stepped away so quickly Adam almost fell forward onto his face. And then he hurried away, leaving Adam standing like an idiot outside of the White House ballroom at a party he was supposed to be hosting after just kissing a male member of the monarchy.

His only thought was, absently, if they’d kissed at midnight.

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kazbrekkerrs-remade · 4 years

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ekrjhak i lov eu and to further enable you: ur thoughts on blue, gansey, ronan and adam and henry? and their group dynamic????? 👀👀👀

Wow this took me ages sorry dfjfhd. Claire... u enable me too much these are my onions <3. Under a cut because I went. overboard :3. I’m probably going to have to shorten this I don’t know if tumblr will even let me post something this long dkshjfhg. (Also I wrote half of this in word so if there’s proper capitalization in places that’s why, don’t let it cloud my image as a cool, laid-back bitch that doesn’t care for grammar.)

i’m starting individually then moving onto group dynamics heh

blue i like blue but it did take a bit of growing on me djjdjhjss. i like her a lot bc i relate to her a lot, but i do think there was a lot of room for improvement. she said she wanted to see the world and make it better but how exactly.. is that a roadtrip? i mean i guess it’s a start in a way, but i think it would’ve been much better if we saw her join an activist organization.. volunteer for a non-profit or something. Also her misguided feminism ah! But I can be a bit more lenient with that bc she was still very young when the series ended so. Also she was revealed to be part tree and then like. Nothing substantial came of it? idk

Ganseyboy! I have to be honest my.. fave uwu. There is a Lot of room for improvement but I just. Optimist!! insecurities :( also he KNEW he was gonna d*e I’m. sad. Anyway like I said a lot of room for improvement as in like.. not everything is about you king <3 also he needs more… idk I don’t wanna say empathy bc i think that’s something different but like. He needs to realise that what he thinks is best isn’t gonna be the way everyone deals with something, if that makes sense? Like basically the “how do you know what’s good for me?” “THAT’S MY OPINIOOONNNNN!!” vine. THAT SAID I love him so much.. he held up the mouse to his face! And smiled!! mon dieu.. when he made bird jokes to make adam laugh… “am I in your dreams?” AH! In a way, blue and gansey are sons of the same gun: I love them both but there could be more done with them tbh. But I have a lot of fun with Fansey, a.k.a: fatima gansey. Kind of like fanon gansey except no one’s opinion matters besides mine <3 (basically it’s the *aggressively kicks off shoes* “yee haw”, parts of gansey, and then me giving him the arc he deserves) maybe we could sum it up to “ma’am that’s my emotional support projection character” but like. That’s my business.

ADAM! Previous endorsements include: “might fuck around and become an adam parrish stan account.” “I’ve only had adam for a day and a half but if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.” “I go :D whenever I see it’s an adam chapter” (these are more or less verbatim from my previous posts.) that said, I don’t have many fully formed thoughts because I uhhh don’t remember the books that well and also I repress the adam chapters bc they hit too close oops :). tbh I don’t have many complaints at all heh. That’s not to say he doesn’t have flaws but a) I will excuse them because he’s justified, adam does anything problematique and I’m like he can have a little murder. As a treat. and b) I genuinely loved his arc so. No complaints for real!! Also.. adam realising he is capable of loving and being loved…. *kermit meme* I have nearly teared up while writing this. :( one more half baked thought: trc having being “known” as a mark of being loved but then adam being like “i am unknowable” and then there was a moment of him with ronan like “how foolish of him to think he was unknowable”.... *kermit hearts meme intensifies*

RONAN O CLOCK to be honest. I. don’t have any meta or complaints I just love him. I love him a LOT okay.. very much. Big love. Sharp edges tough guy but he names his dream animals chainsaw and gasoline and has a pooping blanket for chainsaw… I can’t remember the quote but that but in cdth where he was like the point is dreamer or not if people are going to get hurt I’m going to stop it… Much to think about. HIS GROWTH. IN THE DREAM THIEVES wow can you believe I read him in TRB and was like ‘I don’t care for him’ ddhfjdhf and then in the dream thieves I’m like.. I have rescinded all previous callouts of ronan lynch. Oops. HE LOVES HIS FRIENDS SO MUCH oh my gosh. Ronan just… he has so much range for feeling!! he feels so much!!! I love that about him so much omg

Henry. Ah. This is where we get kind of controversial jdhjdfh I’m sorry but. I’m going to be honest I like him well enough as a character but I don’t care for him much I’m sorry I just. It’s because he was introduced so late. And only became an important character towards like.. the last half of TRK? I mean, I’d have loved him if he was introduced earlier, hell at least have him come into play in BLLB. The issues I have with him isn’t because of anything about him as a character though, I think it’s all about the way he was handled. I think because he came in so late, there just wasn’t enough time to do justice to the depth that he had, or give him an arc or anything, or enough time to connect with him. Also a part of me feels like he was in there just to kind of tie up Blue and Gansey’s stories and give them something to do after the end of TRK (which sucks because like… making your only canon POC being primarily to develop/give your white characters storylines… (blue isn’t white in my mind but like she was written “colorblind” and when that happens it usually means the author viewed them as white at least in the beginning jhfhgfj. but i don’t remember it too well so if i’m wrong lmk please!)). But probably my biggest problem is: I couldn’t help get the vibe that MS was facing criticism for the lack of diversity and so decided to bring in an asian character. Like, I feel that way bc he came in so late, and because of that he was so half-baked I’m.. gah. GAH. That’s unfair maybe henry is a cool dude hdhfg but I just can’t warm up to him because of this :/

Group dynamics!! With the gangsey I have to *sobs* I love them so much I’m.. what a strange constellation they all were <3

blue and ronan!! BROnan amirite… omg. That moment when blue nearly slips and ronan immediately catches n holds on to her… she would have to remember that :( sons of the same gun. Best friends!

Blue and adam.. gah. As friends it really goes hard. Get you someone who will stab you if you fall too deep into the nether-realm <3 but uhh. As dates. YIKES. Blue really just. Kissed noah while dating him. And didn’t even think for a second “I have a bf” :( not very cool of her to tell gansey about the kiss curse but not telling adam which I mean, I know that happened to show that they weren’t a good match but. Still yikes. Blue was lowkey cheating on adam the whole time during tdt huh :( also bro I am number one stan of the “I wish you could be kissed jane” scene but it happened literally RIGHT AFTER she broke up with adam I’m. relax <3. I wish that was kind of addressed but meh, overall it doesn’t bother me too much. I think they’re great friends :)

Ronan and adam… I can’t talk about it too much. I really can’t!! I really really can’t! the fact that adam goes to gansey like what is love and gansey is like she makes me quiet… and then adam is like “he was so still inside”.. :( omg the bit during trb when ronan is going on a swearing tirade and adam is like “they didn’t start making the civic until ‘73 <3” what a JACKASS I love him. Second secret!! --okay! Wait I have to say: while this one is not really a big deal compared to all their other moments, my favourite quote is “ and he realised that while he’d been looking at ronan, ronan had been looking at him” :uwu face:

Blue and gansey: :3 :33333 maybe it’s the muslim but I really like the tragedy of not being able to kiss :( I would beg just one off you! Under all this! Maybe I’m crying because of the inherent romantic-ness of the night sky with all its stars and late night drives :( wow I love them. Also i know most people find it annoying but I personally love the “I’m never gonna fall for this person” *fast forward to getting to know each other* “ahahah. :) I have rescinded all callouts of ____. she is now my girlfriend (long story)” (not to be confused with enemies to lovers <3 (not to be confused with enemies to friends to lovers <3)) also they can kiss now thank you very much.

Okay I will just preface this with: gansey’s relationships with both ronan and adam have the “how do you know what’s good for me” element to them so I don’t have to address it later hdfgjlfj but bro they love each other so much I’m… “dream me the world… something new for ever night” you’re leaving for TWO DAYS.. gansey gave up monmouth omg what became of that I really forgot khffhk did he get it back. I don’t even need to elaborate on ronan, “ronan would do anything for gansey” :(

ADAM AND GANSEY I been WAITNG for this one! Turn it up! Bro if you saw the whole face I made when I realised it was time for this kdhfhfkhu this is so loaded despite the fact that I cant articulate it <3 the.. idk what to call them. Parallels? Foils? I didn’t take lit sorry but he RANGE we could have had there… remember when gansey was shocked in trk bc :0 you guys came with me and also “they had run for him”. bro their whole relationship had so much. Tension because of their different backgrounds and fundamentally different outlooks because of their backgrounds, and I think if we had seen them properly connect then both of them could have grown from that. I know we see adam understanding gansey a bit better I don’t remember when that happened but I know it did at some point hhdsf but gansey.. never does! Huff and puff. It’s really so FRUSTRATING to me bc that could have key development for gansey but also for adam and gansey’s relationship. And also I feel like we didn’t.. see them try either? Which is so frustrating like idk if it’s a fault on stiefvater’s part or just with YA lit in general that platonic relationships are kind of ignored. Or maybe it’s because idk I remember ms saying she had a lot of issues while writing trk.. but still. We could have really had it all but instead I have to live with “don’t break him adam” I’m (: ok but now I must lighten the mood hjsdhf so might I add: when one of them sees the principal in his crazy funky junky hat and goes “yee haw”… when gansey is like :DDD hey ADAM guess WHAT and adam is like ? and gansey is like oh it was a fully casual problem with the ALTERNATOR of my car of COURSE it was the alternator, it was really simple and I fixed it with much ease :D and adam is like :’D felt like the had hatched a baby bird.. my uwus. ADAM! give me an idea! ALSO if anyone will allow me to venture into adansey territory…. the fact that adam is cabeswater’s magician and gansey now.. is cabeswater in a way. MUCH to think about. I still spend a lot of time thinking about the dryad au the problem is I have never been to progress past the “vague concept” stage of stories and this is why I don’t write dhfjhfdhf. But yes. I think about it often :3

i also like the henry with the gang, i think it could work really well but once again it wasn’t given the time for me to really see it :( also. ronan being racist. and adam laughing along with that. why was that included, ms turn on your location i just wanna talk

okay once again thank you for enabling me claire and i’m so sorry for this monster dsjkhfjkdhg

#aha. am i more than you bargained for yet <3 #claire tag #asks #mutuals #anyway if for some reason you ever wanted a comprehensive guide on my thoughts on the trc characters here it is <3 #though it's not really comprehensive kjhdsjkhfg #when i reread trc. and remember it this time. then you will know #anyway this took me three weeks sdhfkjdfh sorry

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100storiesin2020 · 5 years

Text

Chapter 2: The Raven Boys

Come find me on AO3!

***

Fortunately for Wymack, the boys were, in fact, waiting by the front door. Unfortunately, Henry Cheng had joined them.

Henry noticed the coach’s approach and his jaw fell open. “Is that Coach Wymack?” he asked incredulously. “As in, Coach David Wymack of the Palmetto Foxes? Who learned Exy under Kaleigh Day? The coach of the team with the most incredible turnaround in NCAA Exy history?” He rocked on his heels, looking like he was either going to faint or jump through the roof in excitement.

Gansey put a hand on Henry's shoulder. "Easy there, man. Can we help you, Coach?" He asked in his most presidential voice.

Wymack's hackles rose a bit. That voice reeked of money and power, of authority and privilege, and went against everything the Foxes were. He could tell that it was a mask, and there was something decidedly off about this boy, but even so this boy in front of him was not the kind of kid he would choose to be a Fox. But, he was out of options now, and was going to have to make the best of it. He sighed. This was not going to be fun for him. "Yes, actually. I'd like to talk to the three of you, if you have a minute." He gave Henry a pointed look.

Henry had many faults, but an inability to take hints was not on the list. "I'll meet you guys at Ninos, then." Only Henry could be honestly described as waltzing away, but he did so whistling.

Wymack sighed just a tiny bit in relief before turning back to the three players. He appraised them for a minute, trying to figure out the best approach with them.

The three of them painted an interesting picture together. Richard Campell Gansey the Third stood tall and polished, the picture-perfect product of his upbringing, presidential and almost imposing despite his age. Ronan Lynch was full of angles and edges, his strength and ferocity outlined in black. Adam Parrish was muted, somehow, as if half of him was far away or he was half asleep. Half asleep, Wymack decided, judging by the bags under his eyes.

He could feel a very strange aura surrounding the three of them. It whispered of forests, of magic, of beauty in creation and a threat of destruction. It was like nothing he had ever felt before, and he couldn’t determine which of the three it came from. Maybe it was all at once. Beneath it all, he could sense darkness within each one of the boys. They all had different shades of it, and they were all on the way to mending in their own way. He decided it would have to be enough. If he hadn’t sensed even a little bit of that, he would never have been able to bring himself to add them to his Foxes. That was his criteria, after all: he took broken people, those who needed a second chance. These boys may not all need him to get that second chance, but at least they were all broken.

Eventually Wymack resorted to his default style: gruff no-nonsense, straight to the point. "Here’s the thing, boys. I didn’t come here for the three of you, but I was impressed with what I saw. I’m in desperate need of two dealers and a goalie. Each of you can have a full-ride scholarship if you’ll sign to my team.”

Adam did not hesitate. “I’m in.”

Gansey and Ronan both looked at him in surprise. “What happened to Harvard?” Gansey asked.

“I didn’t get a scholarship,” Adam replied coolly. “Palmetto isn’t my first choice of school, but I’d get the chance to play more Exy, go to school for free, and not have to work.” He looked wistful. “I’ll be able to sleep.”

Ronan glared. “I’m not going with you.”

Gansey turned to him, eyes pleading. “But why not?”

“You know why. I have to stay here.” Ronan nodded towards Wymack to indicate why he wouldn’t go into more detail. “And I can’t leave Opal alone.” He stomped off.

Gansey looked chagrined, and then sighed. “May we have a night to think about it, Coach Wymack?” Wymack nodded. “We may be able to work something out for him. If I can convince him to sign, then I will too.”

“Well, I’ll be here until tomorrow morning.” He pulled out a blank sheet of paper from one of his files and wrote “300 Fox Way” on it before handing it to Gansey. “I’ll be visiting an old friend at this address, so you can stop by when you’re ready to sign.” Gansey read the paper and laughed, handing it to Adam, who also laughed. Wymack’s eyebrows rose. “Are you familiar with it?”

Gansey grinned. “Our good friend Blue lives there.”

Well, that explains a lot, thought Wymack.

****

The five of them finally convened at Ninos later that night. Henry had already ordered enough pizza and breadsticks for a small army by the time Gansey and Adam had arrived, and Ronan had probably eaten half of it himself.

“What took you so long?” asked Blue, in between bites. She was out of her jersey, wearing possibly 4 different shirts that had been stitched together into a dress before going through a woodchipper. “Wymack doesn’t talk that much.”

Gansey laughed. “I knew he was here to recruit you. You’re an excellent striker, and apparently he’s an old family friend. You’ve been holding out on us.”

Blue grimaced. “I’d never heard my mother mention him, but apparently they go way back.” She took another bite of pizza, chased it down with some soda, and then gave in. “I saw his face change when I walked into the room. He’s very clearly a psychic; that must be how they know each other.” She laughed then. “I will never be free of them, will I?”

“I hope not,” Adam muttered around his mouthful of pepperoni. Blue was a bit chagrined; she tended to forget that he was technically a psychic now too.

“Sorry, Adam,” she said gently. “You know I don’t lump you in with the others. Anyway, I signed on. Full scholarship, five years. I think I might be able to study abroad in the summers if I work it out with Coach before hand. What about you guys?”

“We all have offers,” Gansey began.

“I signed with them,” Adam butted in. “And I know you want to. Ronan shot them down.”

All four of the others turned their attention to Ronan. “Spit it out,” Blue said. “Why did you say no?”

Ronan just glared at her, but he had never won a staredown with her yet, and this was not his chance to start. “I can’t control my dreams off the leyline,” he muttered. “It’d be dangerous for me to leave. And I can’t leave Opal by herself for that long. I don’t want her to get hurt.”

Blue nodded in understanding, and the table was silent for a moment. Gansey broke it. “I’m pretty sure Palmetto is on a leyline,” he mused. “I’m sure any leyline would work, not just this one.” He pulled his journal out of his pocket, and Ronan rolled his eyes.

“We already found Glendower. Do you still need to carry that fucking thing around?”

“Yes, Ronan,” Gansey replied with his ever-infinite patience. “Look. We will be right on the line.” He spun the book around so that the other at the table could look at the map. Blue reach out to trace the line that clearly passed through Palmetto. Henry grabbed her wrist and handed her a napkin before she could get grease on the book.

Adam tilted his head to the side, his sign that he was thinking about what to say. “It may not be as strong as our leyline, but if it is it may work. I can do maintenance on it too.” He looked at Ronan for confirmation and got a glare in return. “That solves only half the problem, however.”

“I have an idea,” said Henry, who had been astonishingly quiet so far. The table looked at him in surprise. “You’ve been planning to revive Cabeswater, right, Ronan?” The dark boy nodded, eyes wary. “Dream it tonight. Your mom can stay there with Opal, and you can come back and visit every weekend that we don’t have a game. It’d be a long drive, but doable.”

Ronan nodded. “I will try tonight. I’ll need some help, maggot.” Blue nodded. “Adam?”

They looked at each other, Greywaren and Magician. To them, nobody else mattered in that moment. They could read each other in a way the others couldn’t, as if they moved to a rhythm no one else could hear. An unsettling grin spread across Ronan’s face at the same moment that Adam’s mouth twitched into a small smile. “I’m in,” Adam said.

Gansey grinned and then finally settled into the pizza. “Looks like we have a plan. Blue? You better call Fox Way.”

Blue was already pulling her phone out of her pocket, and she laughed. “I’ll tell them I’ll be gone all night. Let’s do this.”

****

They gathered that night in the spot where the entrance to Cabeswater had been. Blue, ever the sensible one, had packed a few bags full of blankets so they wouldn’t freeze in the spring night. She'd also brought a few candles, a bowl, and a jug of grape juice for Adam to meditate with.

The five of them set up the site quietly. Gansey and Henry's presence wasn't necessary, but at this point in their adventures it would have been beyond useless to ask them to sit out, so they'd joined under strict orders to be as quiet as they could be. It was a tall order for talkative Cheng, but the somber feel of the night finally got through to him.

Ronan had a makeshift bed set up, and Adam sat next to him. Between them was the candle, now lit, and a bowl full of grape juice. Blue settled herself there as well, and the three of them made a circle. Adam and Blue linked hands, and each rested a palm on Ronan's head, which made him curse.

"Did you have a better plan?" Blue snapped. Ronan cursed again before shifting around so he could have both his hands free and within reach of the others. Ronan closed his eyes and Adam settled his gaze into the bowl.

After a few minutes it became clear to Henry that Adam was zoned out and Ronan was asleep, so he felt safe to whisper a bit to Gansey and Blue. "I know this was my idea," he started, "but do you think it will actually work? I'm still new to this aspect of everything."

Blue didn’t remove her gaze from Adam's face. "I'm not sure," she murmured, "but I think it's our best bet. I'd feel better if we all went to Palmetto together. I know Ronan can take care of himself, but he shouldn't have to. I don’t want to leave him alone." Henry shifted around uncomfortably. He didn’t want to be left behind either. He was the newest piece of the group, and it seemed like he would never quite fit in right. Perhaps it was because he was stepping into the shoes of a dead boy who he had never met. Perhaps it was just that he had missed the bulk of the drama. He was happy to be here, but sad that he didn’t feel like he would ever really belong.

Blue seemed to sense his thoughts, as she was wont to do. "You belong with us too, Henry, but you don’t need to give up Venezuela for us. You'll come back to us." She turned her head slightly so he could see her ghost of a smile. "And this way, I'll be able to afford to come visit you on spring break."

Henry smiled. "I'll hold you to that then." A silence stretched between them. "Though if it doesn't work-"

"It will work," Gansey declared. His voice was full of command. It was the voice that had woken the creatures in the cave, the voice that had demanded that Cabeswater give up Glendower. His voice seemed to ripple through the air, leaving Blue and Henry shivering in its wake. "It will work," he said again, "and it will be stronger than ever before."

At that instant Adam snapped his gaze up to Blue, eyes wild. "It's here." A bolt of lightning shot down from the cloudless sky, striking the ground right in the center of the group, and the world went white.

***

They hiked out of the forest in silence that night, hesitant to break the spell that had surrounded them. Their dream forest was back. It was not the same forest, with different trees and streams and animals, but it still spoke Latin. It recognized them all. Greywaren, Treedaughter, King, Magician. It even knew Henry, though none of them had a translation for the dream speak word that had been used.

It was still a place of beauty, and, as always, a place of dreams. The crowning gem had been the clearing where it always rained and the rain made you feel both happy and sad.

Blue had cried, thinking of Noah and how much he would have loved it. She knew he was gone, knew deep in her heart that he had let go and moved on. He'd always understood her more than any of the others had. She knew it was a ghost thing. But she had understood him in return. She knew he had held on in fear- not for himself, but for his friends. For the life he had saved on the leyline 7 years ago. For the family he had created after death. He knew they were safe now, and so he had gone.

They arrived back at Monmouth as the sun went up, having silently agreed that they needed to be together. But before they could sleep, Blue borrowed Ronan's phone and called Fox Way. "Put Coach on the line," she told Orla. She looked at Ronan, eyebrow raised, and he glared back for awhile before grinning and nodding. "Hello, yes, Coach." She continued. "This is Blue. Ronan and Gansey are in. Leave the paperwork with my mother, they will send it in later. We are going to bed." She listened for awhile before handing the phone to Gansey.

"Hello," Gansey said, bringing out the President Cellphone voice. "Yes, we are both in. No, she didn’t bully us into it. We had to work something out together last night to make it possible for Ronan to join us. Yes, he is in too. No, he doesn’t want to talk to you," he told Coach without even asking Ronan, who grinned even wider, leaning back on the couch. "See you in July then." He hung up. "Guess that's it then." He grinned. "We're going to Palmetto." Blue and Henry cheered, waking up Adam who had already passed out on the couch. Ronan grabbed Adam and dragged him toward his room. Blue went to Noah's old room, leaving Gansey and Henry alone in the front room together.

Gansey looked at Henry for a moment before reaching out and clasping him on the shoulder. "I wish you were coming with us."

Henry shook his head and tried to smile, but it was obviously an effort. "You won’t be rid of me forever," he said. “I’ll miss you, but I can afford to come visit. And I’ll be there next year, if not in the spring.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Gansey relaxed. It just wouldn’t be right until they were all together again, but for now this was good enough.

#a chainsaw in fox tower #chapter 2 #im so excited to have this up now guys #all for the game #aftg #the raven cycle #trc #the foxhole court #the raven king #the kings men #the raven boys #blue lily lily blue #the dream thieves #blue sargent #david wymack #gansey #ronan lynch #crossover #adam parrish

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