#and the fact he keeps mentioning a prophecy? Yeah. Weird.

[itsybitsybatsyspider]

is this a Narnia Au?

yes it is

[makethosenarratorsfight]

UNRELIABLE NARRATORS; SEMI FINALS

*NOTE; propaganda is out of order due to the post length!

Eugenides Propaganda:

the entire plot hinges on a detail he lets the reader (and every other character) assume is true. I don't want to spoil it because it's a really fun reveal but he is lying from the first second he appears on the page and you can't trust him to tell the full truth about ANYTHING related to himself and his goals. he mostly does it to keep his advantage and not have other characters be suspicious of him but it's just so fun when you realise he's been lying the whole time

Kim Dokja Propaganda:

I haven't read orv but he's fucking gotta be from what I've osmosised

He tries to remove his emotions out of the narrative soooo much, literally the most repressed guy ever. Okay so for context orv is about how this guy, Kim Dokja, has been the only reader of an obscure post-apocalyptic webnovel for years and the novel suddenly becomes reality. And at first you'll probably get the weird impression that his behavior is pretty strange for, you know, a literal apocalypse happening in his world - like yes, he is concerned with survival but he doesn't seem all that scared and he kinda treats it like a video game where he has to grind to make himself stronger and he also treats his companions like a party in an rpg. Then there's also the way he approaches the protagonist of the webnovel, from the start he just kind of describes him as a ruthless psychopath and jerk that is unfortunately a pretty useful ally. And also there's the fact that he carefully omits any mention of his past and when somebody asks if he's worried about his family when the apocalypse starts he just kinda... brushes it off? Anyway so yeah, this bastard is definitely traumatized, although I don't know how much of spoiler territory that would be, considering the fact that literally when he first reveals his trauma he's also unreliable about it. And turns out he does indeed, care A LOT about this world and the people around him. Because well, he kinda didn't care to mention that this webnovel that has become reality was like... literally his whole world before it literally became his whole world. Like, it was the only thing keeping him going for 10+ years and the protagonist that he likes to call a stupid jerk was his comfort character who he pretended to be when he felt like he couldn't handle something in his life by being himself. The protagonist is also canonically the person he loves the most according to a prophecy and he literally can't fathom the thought of him dying, even the timeline versions of him that directly oppose him. And I haven't even mentioned the Fourth Wall yet but I feel like this propaganda is a little long already

misreading the intentions of his companion (yoo joonghyuk) so many time.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTANDDD DOKJA IS SUCH A UNRELIABLE NARRATORRRRRR GOD I COULD WRITE AN ESSAY BUT I KNOW YOU LOVE DOKJA TOO BUT OMG HE'S JUST SO AAAAAAAAAAAH

Rest of Propaganda under cut!

he is the worst like actually. he starts the story talking about how normal and average he is. he is not. he is constantly mischaracterizing his friends and he's so good at lying to the readers that you don't even realize it at first. almost every single time he cries we have to be told by other characters because he never says it himself. there is literally a scene where his narration says "i wasn't crying" and then the in-universe entity that narrates the actions of people (orv is really weird and meta) says that he was, in fact, crying. honestly genuinely anything he says about himself (or doesn't say) cannot be trusted. he is just so frustrating. he drives me mad. i love him dearly. but he drives me so mad.

Dictionary definition of unreliable narrator. Does not tell the reader anything and then things happen and he's like oh yeah btw there was also this and this earlier but i just didn't feel like mentioning it. There's even a thing called the "Fourth Wall" that is able to see through kdj's bs so occasionally you get gems like,

Kim Dokja: I didn't cry

The Fourth Wall: [Kim Dokja was crying]

Imagine being so unreliable as a narrator you need a more powerful narrator to call out the actual narrator.

^ same submission, just spacing it out

This goes into spoiler territory, but; Kim Dokja is in possession of a skill called the Fourth Wall, which on the surface seems like it appears because he read the book that reverse-isekai’d into his own. However, as the story goes on it becomes clear that it’s pretty much a souped up version of his pre-existing dissociation. You cannot trust him to be honest about his feelings, his past traumas or his feelings about his past traumas, not to mention his tendency to just outright omit information that only gets revealed later on either when it becomes relevant or when an outsider POV reveals what’s actually happening.

Exhibit A: he says (in 1st person POV) that he’s not crying. The Fourth Wall immediately contradicts this (as it is literally words of the novel) by saying (in 3rd person POV) ‘Kim Dokja was crying’.

Exhibit B: Fails to mention entire actions when it shows him emotionally honest even in the slightest; we had to read from another character entirely when Kim Dokja was being physically affectionate with his companion. It’s so bad that there’s this entire paragraph about Kim Dokja describing himself hiding his eyes in his hands in jerky, weirdly specific detail and just AVOIDING EVERY WORD THAT MIGHT SHOW HE’S CRYING. The brilliance of ORV is that when you re-read the entire thing you get hints that ‘yes, this WAS hinted at the entire time’ but you have to dig it out of Kim Dokja’s repressed, depressed self-hating internal dialogue with your own two hands.

^ same submission, spacing it out (i really should've done this earlier.)

i am a simple man (not a man). i see a tumblr text post with the words “unreliable narrator in it”. i read nothing else. i reblog & tag #kim dokja okay but in all seriousness i’m just going with the musty basic example: so there’s this moment where he sacrifices himself to save this guy. as he lays on the ground bleeding out, he says “hey, you don’t like me, right? you should kill me to get some money” the guy says “no kim dokja i cant do that (going through the five stages of grief except there’s only one and it’s anger)” the constellations (twitch viewers irl) are like omg he (the guy) doesn’t want to kill his companion (kim dokja) and shower him (the guy) with money kim dokja: oh, he’s not killing me for the money. smart!

as i quote a brilliant youtube video (all of omniscient reader’s viewpoint in 6 minutes) “yoo joonghyuk sees kim dokja as a c_____”

yoo joonghyuk: companion

kim dokja: cunt

^ same submission, once again. spacing it out.

Hides his true feelings, tells the readers what he thinks is convenient for the plot and that his own personal feelings don’t matter or are not so significant. Has unreliable thoughts abt his companion and is a liar. And is also an omniscient reader.

Kim Dokja always perceived his companions in this like nonchalant way like “oh yeah we get along but really we’re just fighting to survive (apocalypse setting) it doesn’t run that deep” when they all do genuinely care for him and he does in turn. He just, doesn’t think of it as an equal relationship? Dokja’ll sacrifice a lot for them but will get seriously flabbergasted if they do the same thing, so fricking problematic. Not to mention Yoo Joonghyuk, his “Life and Death Companion” (read: husband). Kim Dokja always seems to think that Joonghyuk has it out for him, which is kinda true, but he is literally blind to the fact that he’s attached to him. Like, it’s so obvious??? Also they have hella sexual tension but that’s another thing entirely

se get some many pov changes where kdj in his pov just assumed things based on what he knew the characters would do. however because of his interference the characters have changed and he wouldn’t know that if it hit him in the face

He's an unreliable narrator because he lies to himself and thus the audience. He literally rewrote his own childhood core memory. If someone says, "this guy is my friend!" He will go through so many hoola hoops in his mind just to rationalize it. Because he fundamentally believe that no one could love him and even if they did they couldn't know him and he's just gonna hurt them. He cries sometimes in canon but a lot of those times it's not even mentioned as crying he's that unreliable of a narrator. No joke, one time this guys he has a gay thing with called him his "companion" to someone who had just killed him (long story) and this bitch thought "oh wow he's doing it for the coins (another long story) he's so smart i wish I'd thought to that. He's terrible. He literally has an exchange with something called the Fourth Wall (an even longer story) where it said "you're crying" and he said "no I'm not" but he was crying. He makes me insane because the reader is supposed to project onto him. He made me see how much of an unreliable narrator I WAS. ORV is just like that tho.

[aszles]

since my first pinned post had a tierlist of csm characters, i decided to redo it as a tierlist of Fujimoto works instead! (i had only read csm when i made this sideblog) it's a lot less ever-changing so i feel a bit safer keeping something like this at the top of my blog lol...

within the tiers there is no specific order, they're just the things i happened to put in first. if you wanna make one here's the template! (made by yours truly)

because i'm a nerd you can read my opinions about each work below the cut~

S TIER

Chainsaw Man - i mean, csm is just awesome. in all honesty, this manga has changed my life. i KNOW that sounds silly and corny but it's genuinely true. i have been able to get past a lot of my struggles and develop so much as a person since starting this manga. as a fun bonus i feel like i've finally started improving my art again (or at least changing it enough to feel fresh) after like 3 years. i can't really describe how much csm has done for me, but if i had told myself from 2021 that this would happen i would never believe it (especially because i had written off this series for some personal reasons...lol) but yeah. i think i'll forever be grateful for what Chainsaw Man has done for me.

Look Back - i think Look Back is seriously the best piece of media i have ever experienced. i don't think i have ever seen a story so beautifully crafted as this manga, it made me sob when i read it. i remember having to move the manga away from myself so i wouldn't get tears on it. at the time of writing this i am SO SO excited to watch the movie, whenever that will be. i will cry and throw up watching that thing LOL.

Nayuta of the Prophecy - ok maybe i don't TECHNICALLY believe this is an S tier work, but Nayuta is just such a lovable character that i can't possibly rank her any lower. Fujimoto was right to adapt her into csm because she deserves it!! however despite that, this oneshot is the only one that i genuinely wish he would make a sequel to. i think oneshot Nayuta and csm Nayuta are pretty different, so they still don't feel like the same character - i would love to see oneshot Nayuta's personality and relationship with her brother continue to develop!

A TIER

Sisters - one of the few other works i had heard anything about before i started exploring Fujimoto's other stuff, and i definitely felt apprehensive about it. but wow, the fact that Fujimoto is able to take the concept of "girl non-consensually paints her sister naked and it gets displayed on the school wall for everyone to see" and NOT make it weird is crazy! a sweet oneshot that i enjoyed, and love the nuance that was able to be created in such a short amount of time.

Woke-Up-as-a-Girl Syndrome - a really cute take on a silly trope that can often be handled... oddly. i love how much the characters in this really feel like teenagers, doing stupid things but being completely earnest all the while. (Spoilers) i really like how it ends with Toshihide being adamant that he is still male, and also Rie still loving him as he is. very sweet!

Love is Blind - it's no wonder Fujimoto won an honourable mention for this, it's such an adorable and funny oneshot. i was giggling the whole time reading it! i don't really have much to say about it, but i definitely enjoyed it.

Fire Punch - i don't really know where to start with Fire Punch, but wow. it is seriously so impressive to me how good Fujimoto is at tackling such sensitive topics, not shying away from them while also clearly not glorifying them. i also think a big place where Fire Punch shines is character relationships, especially Agni and Togata. they fucked me UPPPPP. it goes off the rails a bit near the end, but i also never got the feeling that it WASN'T what Fujimoto intended with this series. i may not quite get the ending, but it didn't ruin anything for me and i think the rest of Fire Punch is really good at what it does. plus the art is AWESOME ?????

B TIER

Goodbye, Eri - ohhh people might not like me for this one... i'm sorry guys, i just honestly didn't get this manga. i'll definitely reread in the future (me and my sister still haven't finished our sticky notes to read it blurry/clear) but for now i can't rank it any higher. i didn't feel much reading it, and the ending definitely confused me a lot lol. love the art though!

Shikaku - this one's interesting! i thought the story was quite cute, and Shikaku herself is completely adorable. though Yugeru is ummm... not my type let's say. i also do wonder if Makima took any inspiration from Shikaku - she looks similar to her, which to be fair for Fujimoto works probably doesn't mean much (as a lot of his character's look similar to each other /pos), but a clearer comparison is both characters presenting eyeballs they stole from people. (also... if Makima is inspired by Shikaku, is Barem then inspired by Yugeru? yuck) anyways just my speculation, back to the point. the reason this doesn't make its way into A tier is because to me it doesn't really feel like a Fujimoto work? i'm not sure why, but yeah.

C TIER

Mermaid Rhapsody - this one's definitely cute, but as a result of Fujimoto trying to create a "normal story" it unfortunately loses all of the charm of Fujimoto works!! i want it to be weird and fucked up damnit!!!!! though he did succeed in his goal of creating a normal story, so i can't complain too much lol.

Sasaki Stopped a Bullet - i don't have anything against this oneshot, but i think it just doesn't particularly appeal to me. unfortunately nothing in this story grabbed me

D TIER

A Couple Clucking Chickens Were Still Kickin' in the Schoolyard - it's no real surprise this is here, considering it's Fujimoto's first work. overall it was pretty cute, but i'm not all that into aliens..? not much to say lol

if you read all this then thank you >_o

[andiwriteordie]

hey remember when i wrote a byler percy jackson au and said i had other little snippets i’d share eventually?

no? well, here are the links:

Part One - I Dream About My Best Friend

Part Two - I Have An Audience With the God of Love 

anyways, here’s the last one that’s been chilling on my google docs! who knows. i may go back and write some more (because literally there are so many percabeth scenes that i would love to write as byler) whenever i feel like it! or maybe i’ll just word vomit all my headcanons onto a google doc and share that with you if i get bored lol

this is based of the final scene of the titan’s curse, in case you were wondering :) 

___

The Gods Throw Us a Party

Mike feels like he’s been punched in the gut.

I do not approve of your friendship with my son, Athena had said, amongst a lot of other things that Mike can’t even begin to wrap his brain around. I do not think it is wise for either of you.

“Hey.” Will nudges him, and Mike flinches slightly, glancing over at his best friend. There’s a small, somewhat shy smile on his face. “You sure you’re okay?” 

Not really.

“Y-yeah, of course,” Mike says, forcing a smile. Will just raises a disbelieving eyebrow, and Mike rolls his eyes, nudging his best friend lightly. “I’m fine. Just… got a lot on my mind, I guess.”

“Surprising,” Will says dryly. “And here I thought all you had in your brain was seaweed.” 

“Asshole.” Mike nudges him sharply in the ribs, and Will just laughs, throwing his head back and smiling brightly. It’s enough to make Mike’s stomach do a little somersault, which is… definitely weird. “I don’t know how I even missed you.”

There’s a sparkle in Will’s eyes as he turns to Mike and just smiles. “You missed me?” he asks, voice soft.

A familiar sort of warmth fills Mike’s chest, and his stomach does that silly little somersault thing again. “Yeah,” he says softly, and he offers Will a small, shy smile. “‘Course I did.”

Mike doesn’t, of course, mention the fact that he was worried sick about Will—that the entire time Will was gone, he couldn’t stop thinking about him and couldn’t stop wondering if Will was okay and couldn’t stop trying to figure out ways to find Will. But then again, Mike gets the feeling that he doesn’t really need to say those things… After all, it’s Will.

And just like how Mike knows that he would do absolutely anything in the world to make sure that Will is okay and safe, he knows that Will would do the same for him.

I do not approve of your friendship with my son. I do not think it is wise for either of you. Athena’s words echo through Mike’s mind once more, and he forces himself not to think about them. If caring too much about his friends—about Will—is supposed to be a flaw, then… well, then, Mike doesn’t really give a damn. There are only so many things that he’s willing to give up in the world in the name of this stupid saving the world and being the child of the prophecy bullshit, and look… his friends and Will in particular aren’t one of them. 

Will just smiles back at him, his cheeks slightly red, and he bumps Mike’s shoulder gently. “Thanks for coming and finding me,” he whispers, as if there’s any world where Mike wouldn’t have searched for Will until he was found. As if there’s any world out there where Mike wouldn’t do everything humanly possible to make sure that Will is safe and home where he belongs with…

…with Mike.

I do not approve of your friendship with my son. 

There’s like a hundred different things that Mike wants to say to Will—things that he’s been wanting to say for… for a while now and things that he can’t even fully wrap his mind around. But Athena’s words just keep playing like a broken record on loop in Mike’s mind, and he feels like all of the courage has been sapped out of him.

There are so many different things he knows he should say to Will, and maybe… maybe someday, he will. 

“Of course,” Mike responds, and he leans in close to Will, smiling slightly. “I know you’d do the same before me.”

The look on Will’s face softens, and he nods, just standing there close to Mike. The room is still loud and full of energy, but somewhere above the noise, Mike hears the song change once again, going from some upbeat pop song that Dustin would probably like to one that’s a bit softer and slower.

“Hey,” Mike blurts out, before he can lose any more of his courage.

Will blinks, and his brow furrows. “Yeah?”

“I, um… I think I owe you a dance,” Mike says quickly. Heat rises to his cheeks, and fuck, okay, okay, he can do this. It’s just a dance, and it’s just Will. It’s just Will.

(For some reason, Mike has a little flashback to his conversation with Aphrodite, from just a couple days ago, and um… yeah. Yeah, there’s that.)

“It’s just, um… we got cut off at Westover Hall,” Mike adds, stammering over his words. “Before everything happened, you know? So, I… I just thought that maybe we could… I don’t know… um, I guess—”

“Mike,” Will laughs, and Mike stops, closing his mouth and mentally berating himself for how stupid he sounds. Still, there’s a twinkle in Will’s eyes and a smile on his face, and even though Mike knows he sounds like an idiot, Will still takes his hand. “A dance sounds nice.”

(Okay. Okay, great. Okay. He can do this. Mike can do this.)

“Cool,” Mike says, a bit breathlessly, and he smiles back at his best friend.

“Cool,” Will echoes as the two of them make their way out onto the dance floor. Just like before, Mike awkwardly puts his hands around Will’s waist, while Will puts his arms around Mike’s neck, and the two of them sway back and forth in time with the music. 

Neither of them say much, which is kind of nice. It feels like this moment is just for the two of them, and though Mike’s heart is pounding inside his chest, he forces himself to just breathe and to focus on this moment… to focus on Will.

Up close, Mike can really get a better look at his best friend. He’s bounced back fairly well—or as well as one can after being held hostage for about a week—but there are still bags under his eyes and a tiredness on his face that Mike’s sure won’t go away for a while. Likewise, there’s a cut on his forehead that’s still healing and a few bruises that are still fading on his face. 

Most noticeable, though, is the single gray streak through Will’s brown hair—the one that matches Mike’s own perfectly. Their twin, painful souvenirs from carrying Atlas’s burden.

“We match,” Will murmurs, as if he can somehow read Mike’s mind. He hesitates for a moment, then reaches up and gently touches Mike’s own gray streak. 

“Yeah,” Mike whispers back, and he gives Will another small, shy smile. “We do.”

Will just smiles in return, and he lowers his hand from Mike’s hair once more, swaying back and forth gently to the song. Neither one of them says anything else, but Mike doesn’t really think they need to. Somehow, he gets the feeling that both he and Will are on the same page, together in this moment.

And so, as the song continues to play, Mike just lets himself get lost in this moment. He sets aside everything else that’s on his mind—from the prophecy that lingers over his head, to whether Henry is still alive and still out there, to Athena’s warnings to him—and he just focuses on everything about this moment.

The warmth of the lights on his skin, filling Mike with a sense of security and comfort.

The sound of his friends’ laughter—Dustin, over there with some nymphs and Lucas and Max laughing together as they share their own slow dance.

The song, soft and slow and a bit hopeful, that Mike hears, and the words that he tries to commit to his memory: Just like the ocean pairs well with the sand, I go with you…

And everything about Will—from the soft nervousness of his smile, to the warmth radiating from him as he hugs Mike closer, to the sheer sense of familiarity that comes with being around Will, as if he’s just someone who has always been there with Mike and part of his life.

Somewhere, distantly, a thought crosses Mike’s mind, and though his cheeks go warm at just that thought, he doesn’t let himself dwell on it too much.

Right here, right now, this is enough.

[pesterloglog]

John Egbert, Jade Harley, Davesprite

Act 6, page 4336-4345

JOHN: oh man, rose and dave have sweet god tier pajamas like us! that's so awesome.

JOHN: haha, dave looks like kind of a doofus with that snug little hood.

JADE: i think he looks cool!!!!!

JADE: the cape is great, hes like a super hero now

JOHN: that's true.

JOHN: i still think i prefer my outfit though.

JOHN: look at all those trolls...

JOHN: there are so many trolls. the idea of meeting them all is kind of overwhelming.

JOHN: i wonder which one is which?

JOHN: i think that must have been karkat there. and that was probably his clown asshole friend he mentioned, too.

JADE: yup

JOHN: and that was definitely terezi, with the fancy glasses.

JOHN: not sure about the others... i wonder if vriska was there?

JADE: ...

JOHN: it's nice to see rose looks better.

JOHN: last time i saw her, she looked really grim.

JOHN: and also, dark.

JOHN: i was trying to talk to her, but she sounded like a babbling monster, so i couldn't understand her.

JOHN: it was really frustrating, and all of my nervous rambling probably made me sound like an idiot.

JOHN: and then when i woke up later, she was dead.

JADE: :(

JOHN: did you know...

JOHN: that i had to kiss her to make her come back to life?

JADE: !!!

JOHN: yes, it's true.

JOHN: it's kind of weird kissing a dead body, but i didn't mind.

JOHN: how did you feel about it when you kissed dave when he died?

JADE: ...........

JADE: how did you know about that!

JOHN: karkat told me.

JADE: oh

JADE: that figures

JOHN: do you think that all of our unbridled corpse smooching means karkat's silly shipping prophecy will come true?

JADE: umm

JOHN: i mean, the guy is really angry, and says fuck like in practically every sentence.

JOHN: but he does weirdly seem to know what he's talking about when it comes to romance.

JADE: yeah

JADE: i dunno

JADE: do you want it to come true?

JOHN: man.

JOHN: i don't know.

JOHN: do you?

JADE: hmmmmmm.....

JOHN: hmm, indeed.

JADE: i think i miss them already

JADE: and weve only been here for a few minutes :(

JOHN: yeah.

JOHN: there's a lot i want to tell them about.

JOHN: and a lot i want to ask them.

JADE: well

JADE: you could ask them now if you want

JOHN: really?

JADE: yes

JADE: in fact

JADE: you can hop right through me and join them

JADE: then you can travel with them to the new session if you like

JOHN: whoa!

JOHN: well, heck, why don't we do that then?

JOHN: it would probably be more fun with them than being on this golden battleship by ourselves.

JADE: it probably would!

JADE: but i cant go with you

JADE: i can serve as a gateway

JADE: but i cant travel to the sun myself, remember?

JOHN: oh yeah.

JOHN: dammit!

JADE: but its ok, really!

JADE: if thats what you wanted to do, i wouldnt mind

JADE: but whatever you do, you have to decide quickly

JADE: they will be departing from the sun very soon

JOHN: but i wouldn't want to leave you here all alone for three years.

JOHN: that would suck!

JADE: i wouldnt really be alone though

JADE: i have the population of five planets to keep me company!

JOHN: :O

JOHN: that's right.

JOHN: that makes it seem not so boring i guess.

JOHN: but still...

JOHN: i would feel really bad leaving you here, even if you do have a million salamanders and chess guys to keep you company.

JOHN: you are my friend and also my sorta-sister, and we just met for the first time ever a few minutes ago...

JOHN: i'm not going to be like, welp! see ya in three years jade!

JADE: awww :D

JADE: ok then

JADE: personally, i think this trip could be a lot of fun!

JADE: theres no pressure to do anything important or run around like lunatics anymore

JADE: we can just relax

JOHN: yeah.

JOHN: now that you mention it, i'm pretty beat.

JOHN: also... starving!!!

JADE: woof!

JADE: whoops

JOHN: heheh.

JOHN: i sure hope there are things to eat on those planets.

JOHN: there were a lot of weird glowing mushrooms on lowas. i dunno about those.

JOHN: i seem to remember a bunch of farms on the battlefield...

JADE: there should be lots of good stuff on the planets

JADE: also i would bet this ship is stocked with plenty of military rations

JOHN: yeah, probably.

JOHN: pff, hell, we could just raid all of our fridges and alchemize some tasty grub!

JADE: oh yeah!!!

JADE: durrr, problem solved

JOHN: ok, cool.

JOHN: but it would still be nice to say hi to everybody before they leave.

JOHN: just to let them know how we're doing.

JADE: yes

JOHN: like, one of the last things rose saw before she died was me dying...

JOHN: i wonder if she knows i'm ok?

JADE: im pretty sure she knows a ton of things now

JADE: considering she is a fully realized seer of light

JOHN: yeah, probably.

JOHN: then maybe i'll just hop over real fast, and give karkat a fist bump, and give dave a hard time about his hella tight little hood, and then hop back?

JADE: im sure that would be hilarious

JADE: but

JADE: if you go i dont think i can bring you back

JADE: i cant bring anyone or anything to here from there!

JOHN: aw man, really??

JADE: as far as i know...

JADE: if theres a way i havent figured it out yet

JADE: i am still kind of new to this omnipotence thing after all :\

JOHN: that's stupid.

JOHN: what is with all these rules!

JADE: i dont know!

JADE: im sure the rules exist for a good reason though

JADE: maybe to somewhat limit the power and reach of omnipotent beings?

JADE: if there are no limits at all, it could be especially dangerous in the wrong hands

JADE: like what happened with jack!

JOHN: isn't that a contradiction though?

JOHN: if there are limits to your powers, you can't exactly be OMNIpotent, can you?

JOHN: more like...

JOHN: semipotent.

JADE: then i guess thats what we are!

JADE: semipotent demigods

JOHN: demidogs.

JADE: woof woof woof!

JADE: dammit!!!!!!

JOHN: heh...

JOHN: can you not control the woofs?

JADE: i havent gotten the hang of the woofs yet :(

JOHN: so, the dog ears...

JOHN: is that a permanent thing now, or what?

JADE: i think so

JOHN: i like them.

JADE: i do too!

JOHN: you are like a furry now, but not really the weird kind that people on the internet like to have sex with in their imagination.

JADE: D:

JOHN: hey, can i at least send a message through?

JOHN: like a note or something?

JADE: sure!

JADE: better hurry up and write it though

JOHN: oh snap! ok, gotta think, quick...

JOHN: what do i write on?

JOHN: maybe the back of a movie poster or something?

JOHN: i don't think i have one captchalogued though...

JOHN: and now that i think about it, most of them were ruined by imps. :(

JADE: how about this one?

JADE: looks like its still in pretty good condition

JOHN: yes, that's perfect!!!

JOHN: everyone will love it, especially probably dave.

JOHN: i think i need something to fold it up and put it in though.

JOHN: i don't want to just like crumple it up and chuck it in there like some garbage...

JOHN: i could stick it in a book i guess.

JOHN: but i kind of don't want to part with any great reading material, especially since we're going on a long trip.

JADE: john you have to hurry!

JOHN: ok, ok, um...

JADE: here, will this work?

JOHN: oh, yeah. i guess that'll be fine.

JOHN: now, uhhh, what to write...

JADE: whatever you write just make it quick!

JADE: and tell everyone i say hi!

JOHN: ok, will do.

JADE: ok, while you work on that, i think ill bring up some friends

JOHN: huh?

JADE: you know, let some of our travel companions get acquainted with the ship!

JOHN: oh fuck, it's dave sprite!!!

JOHN: i forgot about him.

DAVESPRITE: yeah no shit

JOHN: how've you been, buddy?

JADE: shooooooooosh!!!!!

JADE: write now, catch up later!

JOHN: ok, i think this is a pretty good letter.

DAVESPRITE: let me check it out

DAVESPRITE: maybe ill humorously defile willis and afflecks dumb skyward yearning faces

JOHN: oh HELL no.

DAVESPRITE: come on dude hand it over

JADE: nooooo come on guys theyre about to go just stuff it in the bucket and throw it at me already!!!

DAVESPRITE: too late i already did it with sprite powers while he wasnt looking

JOHN: augh you bastard!

JOHN: wait a minute!

JOHN: i forgot, trolls hate cleaning products for some alien reason! shit, that's going to make everyone so uncomfortable.

JOHN: oh well, there it goes. too late i guess.

DAVESPRITE: ahahahaha you fucked up

[incomingalbatross]

"The Librarians and the Echoes of Memory":

All right, so Flynn really DID Do Nothing Wrong. Good for him. <3

Eve is the person least equipped to navigate Weird Magical Reality-Alterations, and she knows it, which is what makes watching her so fun. Just gonna shake her head and wing it.

Ah, a cartoony dystopia. Fun Times.

(And to be clear, when I said "Fringe Season 5" I was mainly thinking of the aesthetic. I stand by this.)

"Flynn!! Where are you? Are you okay?" "To answer your first question, I can't hear you." "That—that wasn't—"

^^ GREAT sequence.

I Fell Down, that great comedic successor to Where Are My Pants?

So I guess the Library is the actual embodiment of human wonder and curiosity? All right. Yeah. That's important.

Even in the Dystopia of Blandness, used-car salesmen wear bolo ties. In fact, it looks like they have to.

Eve doing her own version of calling up the trio's True Selves is very good.

Also. Have I mentioned that Eve is literally preserving the Library's existence by carrying the memory of it within her mind. Beloved.

Ezekiel is the world's lamest and also only celebrity?? That is. SO GOOD. Even here, Ezekiel can't blend into a crowd, and I'm sure he will be very smug about that later.

Cassandra and Jacob fanning over him is also very funny, obviously.

And of course he's chafing at this life. Of course he's picking padlocks in his dressing-room. Of course he is.

...Bad Ezekiel. Don't call security on your mom. :(

I will just point out, though, that if you want to keep Eve docile, maybe you shouldn't have let one of her people host the world's only TV show. But I guess you don't really care if she remembers...

Also. Don't stick her in the same ward as FLYNN??

FLYNN IS HERE! :D Asking questions! Talking! Indefatigably Being The Librarian!!

"Judson is a name. Jenkins is a name. Charlene is a name. These are all names that carry on in my head" :')

Good: Flynn going through an elaborate escape attempt just to make Eve laugh on his way back to his cell. Bad: Flynn getting Winter Soldiered.

Ezekiel I DON'T like your hair. Fix it.

The trio are Power of Friendshipping themselves back together!

AND Eve and Flynn pulled out True Love's Kiss again. That's a really handy resource if you've got it, honestly. All-purpose curse-breaker and all they need is each other.

Oh man. When I said they were Power of Friendshipping themselves back together, I hadn't seen anything yet.

Cassandra getting her mojo back was especially lovely. The boys are just "you, uh, you do--a thing! with numbers! and your hands!" And then she gestures and it comes and it's got COLOR. And she lights up too.

But also Ezekiel not needing to be told what he does, just seeing wires and security and going "I have no idea what any of this is but I know I'm GOOD at it :)" And being RIGHT. Insufferable (affectionate).

Jacob had to RIP HIS SLEEVES OFF to become more himself.

...

"WE'RE THE LIBRARIANS"

That is the best use of that running bit in the whole show. It's layered.

Oh no, they're trapped? Looks like they need a... back door.

Ah, well, materializing the Library around them works too.

I... I have... questions. About basically everything pertaining to Nicole. Starting with "what ARE these prophecies?" and ending with "is she still alive?" But all's well that ends well I guess.

(Speaking of which. I TOLD you I was holding my upset in abeyance. I KNEW they wouldn't go through with it. I figured they'd even fix the Graves of Time ending but I KNEW they weren't going through with THAT!)

Little upset about the lost character growth, but... I guess they can get most of it back, really. I LIKED the trio having been tried by the fires of division, but it's all still THERE whether it's been tried or not. Cassandra's solo adventure doesn't have to change much. Christmas Thief is honestly untouched. Feud doesn't have to change.

Genuine concern though:

What about the D&D group. What about all they represent.

...I will assume all is well with that portion of reality. Because it's Important.

[makeste]

Do you think Deku will ever get mad at All-Might for keeping so many secrets from him? Deku has been giving All-Might free passes on things he should have known about like AFO, previous holders of OFA and now that Tomura is Nana's grandson. It feels like AM needs to be held accountable at some point.

I think it’s likely; he’s gotten fairly mad at him about this before, back when All Might hid the truth about his falling-out with Nighteye.

and he’s probably going to feel a bit betrayed at the realization that All Might is still keeping things from him even after this conversation. and it’s not like it’s just small things, either; these are some pretty major things that Deku is still getting blindsided by as a result of All Might’s secrecy. it feels like AM hasn’t really learned his lesson at all and is still Dumbledoring his way through this mentorship.

but the thing is, I can understand All Might’s point of view here as well, and I get why he keeps doing it, even if I don’t agree with it. I’ve been meaning to write a post about this anyway, especially since it ties into the matter of the Fourth OFA User and his quirk, so let’s take a look at All Might’s ever-growing List of Secrets, because there’s a pattern there.

1. OFA

starting with the big one. now obviously Deku is very much in on this particular secret. however it is still a secret from just about everyone else, and it’s probably the one secret that All Might has been the most adamant about keeping, going to increasingly elaborate lengths even as it becomes more and more obvious that all of these efforts are eventually going to prove futile.

the thing is, it’s pretty obvious why he’s been trying so hard to keep the truth of Deku’s quirk hidden. OFA paints a huge target onto Deku’s back, one that would attract notice not just from the villain side, but from the hero side as well. OFA is basically the ultimate prize. it’s probably the most powerful quirk in existence, aside from AFO. and once word gets out that this power can be passed on to literally anyone simply at will, things could start getting very ugly.

Deku would suddenly come under pressure from all sides, with people trying to use and control him (well, I say “people”, but mainly I mean the HPSC sob). that’s if they see him as a useful tool and a weapon in the battle against the League, mind you. but if they decide that he’s not, or that he’s not ready, there would instead be pressure for him to give up OFA to a “worthier” candidate. either way, Deku himself isn’t going to be taken into account. his thoughts, his feelings, what he wants, what he deserves; none of that is going to matter to these people.

and these are the good guys, mind! that’s not even mentioning the villains, who have already destroyed an entire city in pursuit of him. Deku is in a lot of danger now. and so far, Tomura/AFO have been surprisingly honorable in their attempts to get ahold of OFA, in that they’ve been targeting Deku directly. but AFO is a notoriously underhanded guy, and it concerns me that there are a ton of more underhanded methods still on the table for him to try out. because we’ve already established that Deku is notoriously self-sacrificing. I mean literally notorious, as in both his friends and enemies alike have all picked up on this trait and made a note of it. so imagine if Tomura ever decides to take hostages, for instance. “give me OFA or I’ll kill so and so.” then what?? jesus.

so yeah, all in all it’s pretty clear why All Might has been exceedingly careful about keeping OFA a secret even from most of Deku’s allies. this isn’t even getting into the whole U.A. traitor thing as well, but I mean, you get the idea, right? the reason All Might has gone to such lengths to keep OFA a secret is to protect Deku.

2. AFO

and now we get to the first of many things that All Might kept hidden from Deku himself! and these are generally going to be a lot harder to defend. like yeah, you probably should have told this barely-pubescent child that that the quirk you were giving him came prepackaged with a built-in mortal enemy, All Might. might want to actually lead with that part next time.

so why didn’t he tell Deku about AFO? well first of all please understand that I’m not trying to justify this decision, lol; I’m just trying to rationalize it from All Might’s point of view. he was less than six years removed from his fateful battle with AFO in which the both of them were gravely injured. and yes, he said that he believed AFO had died from his wounds; but if he really thought that was true, why didn’t he listen to Nighteye and pass OFA on to someone else back then? why did he stubbornly stay in the field for as long as he could? his actions just don’t line up. if he really thought AFO was dead, you’d think he would have been able to retire in peace, as there wouldn’t have been such a great need for the Symbol anymore.

so honestly, what I’m learning towards here is that he didn’t really believe it, deep down. but once his powers really started to wane, he felt like he had no choice but to pass the quirk on to someone else and just hope for the best. and then, once he met Deku, I think he really started to want to believe it was true. because he empathized with Deku and he saw himself in him, and he wanted to give him that chance. Deku wanted so badly to be a hero, and All Might saw that he had the heart and the spirit of one, and only lacked the physical ability. and there All Might was, with a quirk he could bestow on him that could potentially make his dream come true. he wanted to believe he could do that. he convinced himself that the threat of AFO really was nonexistent -- after all, it had been six years! -- and that it wasn’t a burden he was passing down onto this child anymore, but a gift.

and so he didn’t tell Deku about AFO because he wanted to believe it wasn’t something Deku needed to know. so in this case it wasn’t just Deku he was essentially lying to, but himself as well. so yeah, not the best rationale in the world, but a very human mistake for him to make, and one that once again has its roots in wanting to protect Deku. or more precisely in this case, wanting to protect Deku’s dream. he wanted to believe it was all right for him to hand down this power which he so strongly believed that Deku deserved.

3. the Vestiges

honestly it’s a bit up in the air whether or not this one was really a secret, because All Might genuinely didn’t seem to realize that the Vestiges were conscious inside of OFA. or so he says at any rate. regardless, I’m going to include it in the list because he was definitely acting pretty cagey about the subject back during the sports festival, and I’ve never been fully satisfied with his explanation.

if you ask me? I think one of the reasons why he didn’t want to discuss this more in depth with Deku back then was because he was afraid it might inadvertently lead to some other topics that he wasn’t yet ready to discuss.

the idea of the previous OFA users living on inside the quirk is comforting in some ways, but that’s also a conversation that inevitably leads to the subject of AFO and AFO’s brother just for starters. not to mention Nana, whose death was deeply traumatizing for him and which I don’t think he was emotionally prepared to bring up just yet.

but I think the biggest factor that led to All Might being mum about this was the fact that he himself was included among the Vestiges. because I’m thinking he might have been a bit paranoid about avoiding a conversation like this:

All Might: “hey Midoriya-shounen, I just wanted to let you know that those weird little shadow figures you saw during your fight were the ghosts of the previous users of OFA, who are all living on inside of the quirk. my master once told me, 'even if I die one of these days, we can always meet again inside One for All.' so you know, that’s nice.”

Deku: “huh okay, so you’re telling me I have the souls of eight other people trapped inside my quirk, well that’s pretty trippy but I’m a weird little boy who lives for this kind of wild quirk shit so I’m okay with it! but it’s not like it matters though anyway since you’re still here to guide me haha! it’s not like you have any reason to suspect that might not be the case in the very near future, right?”

All Might: “...right.”

so yeah. once again, the reason for All Might keeping this a secret is because he doesn’t want to burden Deku. spoiler alert, the next two secrets also have the exact same reasoning behind them. in fact I’m just going to go and lump them both together.

4. Sir Nighteye, and 5. Sir Nighteye’s prophecy

so #4 is the one that actually finally set Deku off in the scene I posted earlier lol. and yeah, All Might should have told Deku, especially since it was inevitable that Deku was going to find out anyway. once he learned about Nighteye and All Might’s falling-out, him finding out about the prophecy was a given. and so once again I want to stress that I’m not actually trying to defend All Might’s decision here lol. just trying to relate to it.

anyway but that said, the reason why he didn’t tell Deku is pretty straightforward: he didn’t want to burden Deku with that knowledge. he knows Deku looks up to him. he knows that Deku looks to him for support. and All Might has spent his entire career doing everything he could to be that strong support for everybody, for the entire nation. he wants everyone to feel secure and safe. he wants nothing more than to be able to keep them safe. and it’s so hard, when you have that mindset, to let yourself show weakness and allow the cracks to show and to admit and accept that you can’t protect people from everything, no matter how bad you want to.

how do you tell the kid you’re mentoring, the kid who’s come to depend on you for so much, that there’s a good chance you might not be around much longer? that there’s a good chance he’ll be left to deal with everything all on his own, the same way that you were? how the hell do you even begin to approach that conversation? especially knowing what kind of person Deku is, on top of everything else. for a hero, someone who’s dedicated their whole life to helping and protecting others, nothing is more devastating than being told that something terrible is going to happen, and that no matter what, there is nothing you can do to change that fate. that alone would have been reason enough to not want Deku to know. he didn’t want him to experience that kind of helplessness.

and Deku is still just a kid!! Nighteye, a fully grown man and a hero with years of experience, completely fell apart after that prophecy. meanwhile Deku just started hero school less than a year ago. he’s only sixteen. he is far, far too young to have to deal with all of this. yes, he needed to know, both as a matter of trust and as a matter of practicality. but the fact that he needed to know is pretty fucking cruel on the universe’s part, and I get why All Might was so reluctant to tell him. I get it.

side note!! I feel like it’s worth mentioning that this one is still a secret as far as a certain other person goes. like, I feel that’s pretty noteworthy. pretty much every other person who knows about OFA also knew about Nighteye’s prophecy, including Rat Principal, Recovery Girl, Gran Torino, and Nighteye himself. (although it’s not clear whether or not Naomasa knows, come to think of it. but it’s likely, since All Might probably physically can’t lie to him lol.) and of course, Deku now knows as well.

but aside from Naomasa, there is one other person who’s notably missing from that list.

Kacchan knows about OFA and AFO, but neither All Might nor Deku have told him about the prophecy. even though Katsuki has firmly elbowed his way into the OFA Scooby Squad and knows about all sorts of other things including SIXQUIRKS and the Vestiges and all that jazz, and he’s been helping Deku train and has been included in pretty much everything for months now, he still doesn’t know about this.

and honestly, this might be the one time where I actually agree with All Might’s decision. I say that as someone who loves Katsuki to pieces and very much wants him to find out about this, because I’m mean and because I love angst. but once again, I get it, though. because you probably don’t want to tell the kid who was thinking this...

...that at the time, when you came to save him back at Kamino, you were thinking something like this:

yeah. I’m just saying. I don’t think it does Katsuki much benefit to know that All Might originally went out to Kamino fully expecting that it would be his last battle, and fully prepared to die the horrible death that Nighteye foretold. like, on the one hand there’s definitely an argument to be made that Katsuki should know about the prophecy just so that he’s prepared in case anything does happen, because he would then be the one to have to step up and replace All Might as Deku’s primary support. (and this is something All Might already seems to have been grooming him for in recent months, which is a bit of a red flag as far as All Might’s mortality prospects are concerned, but that’s another discussion for another day.)

but on the other hand, Katsuki is a pretty smart kid. and if and when he does find out about this, there’s a good chance he’s going to connect the dots and realize that Kamino was actually a hell of a lot riskier than All Might ever let on. and there’s close to a 100% chance that he starts blaming himself all over again if he ever learns that. I don’t think it would set him back too much, because he’s made a lot of progress, but I do think that even now it’s still something that he feels a lot of responsibility for. and so really this is just an additional burden that he doesn’t need to be carrying on his shoulders. Deku’s not the only one who’s still just a kid.

anyway! so tl;dr this is yet another case where All Might was keeping something a secret because he didn’t want to burden Deku. and is, in fact, STILL keeping it secret from Katsuki because he doesn’t want to burden him, either. basically just trying to protect both of these kids here.

6. Nana’s relation to Tomura

almost done with the list now! for real though, it’s crazy how many of these there are. how can one man have so many secrets. like seriously, calm the fuck down, All Might.

so! again, Deku should arguably have been told this as soon as it became clear that the responsibility of dealing with AFO and Tomura was going to fall to him. except, I guess, the thing is they didn’t think it was going to fall to him. or at least they hoped it wouldn’t. AFO was in Tartarus, and Naomasa and Gran were planning on hunting down Tomura and the League themselves. and Deku is just a high school kid with an internship. so in an ideal world, he would have never gotten near Tomura, and vice-versa. the adult heroes in BnHA may be inept as fuck, but I’ll give them credit where due: none of them wanted this kind of responsibility to ever fall on any of the kids until they were ready. even during this arc, the kids were all originally assigned to the evacuation teams, and the handful who were on the front lines were there because it was essential to the mission. and even then they pretty much had assigned babysitters (Midnight, Fatgum, etc.) shadowing them the whole time and ready to haul them back out as soon as their tasks were accomplished. like, don’t get me wrong, the child soldiers thing was and is still very fucked up, lol. but they were clearly trying to keep them out of harm’s way.

anyway! and so of course this applies to Deku as well. never mind that he’s All Might’s heir and well on his way to becoming more powerful than anyone could have ever dreamed. he’s still just a teenager. and we don’t send teenagers out to hunt the bad guys. we leave that to the adults, supposedly. and so in these guys’ minds, there really wasn’t any reason to tell Deku about the whole Nana/Tomura connection, because even if it was true, in their minds it’s not really relevant to Deku. they weren’t planning on him and Tomura becoming arch-nemeses. and so it was really just another thing that All Might presumably didn’t want to burden him with at the end of the day. “by the way, Midoriya-shounen, you should know there’s a possibility that Shigaraki Tomura is actually the grandson of my late mentor whom All for One killed.” that’s basically just a very unfun fact that Deku can do absolutely nothing about, except feel bad about it. it doesn’t change the fact that Tomura is still a mass murderer who’s eventually going to have to be captured or killed. so in All Might’s mind there’s really no benefit to telling Deku about any of this.

anyway! and so now finally, last but not least,

7. the Fourth OFA User

so now we finally get to the one secret we don’t actually know yet! OFA IV, and his whole mysterious deal.

All Might, after doing all that research on the previous OFA users and their quirks, suddenly changed his mind at the last second and decided not to tell Deku about this one specific user and his quirk (and notably, his cause of death). why is that?? “I don’t want to speculate and talk about things I’m not sure of...” really?? so you think the better option is for him to be unprepared and to not have any idea of what’s coming, then??

no, seriously. I’m seriously asking that. does All Might, in fact, think that it’s actually a better option for Deku to not know anything about the fourth user than for him to be aware of it. I am genuinely asking that question, because I truly suspect that this might actually be the case.

because, you see, that’s the pattern. if you look at all the other things he’s kept hidden either from Deku, or from others on Deku’s behalf, that’s the one thing they all have in common. he kept them secret in order to protect Deku. either to shelter him from the burden, or to keep him safe from people who might try to do him harm.

so I think it’s safe to say that even though we know absolutely nothing about this particular secret yet, it’s still going to follow that same pattern. All Might isn’t telling Deku about the Fourth yet either because he doesn’t want to burden him with something, or because he thinks there’s some other reason why Deku is better off not knowing.

here are a few other things we can extrapolate here:

All Might’s next line after this is “because I’m worried for him”, so yeah. whatever the reason, he’s trying to protect Deku somehow.

All Might has a history of avoiding truths he’s not ready to face yet, such as AFO still being alive. so even though he says here that he’s “not sure of” whatever it is he found, it’s very possible that he is in fact pretty sure of it, but just doesn’t want to believe it.

the fact that he wrote something down but then crossed it out would seem to support that as well. he says “not yet”, but I’m definitely not convinced that’s actually the case.

whatever this secret about the fourth user is, it’s something All Might isn’t willing to tell Katsuki either, even though Katsuki specifically presses him about it. this makes me think that it’s not just something shady or unpleasant about the fourth user’s past (like him being a villain for instance), because if it was just something like that, I don’t think he’d be so insistent on hiding it from Katsuki as well. and also that wouldn’t explain why he’s keeping the quirk a secret, especially since he knows Deku is going to manifest it at some point.

so my thinking is that it’s not something about the Fourth’s history, but rather something about his quirk. and after all, the Vestige storyline is mainly about the SIXQUIRKS anyway, so that tracks. and so if it is something related to the Fourth’s quirk, and this something also convinced All Might to hide the Fourth’s cause of death, I think the most likely explanation is that something about the Fourth’s quirk ended up killing him, and All Might fears that this quirk could potentially harm or kill Deku as well.

“but if the Fourth’s quirk is potentially dangerous, then wouldn’t it make more sense to tell Deku about it so that he can be prepared?” well, yeah. definitely it would. unless, of course, All Might has somehow concluded that the danger to Deku is actually GREATER if he knows than if he doesn’t know. in other words, the risk of the quirk manifesting with Deku unaware of what it is, is outweighed by the risk of Deku knowing and manifesting it on purpose.

and this, I think, is where the rest of Katsuki’s conversation with All Might in ch 284 comes into play:

All Might has no doubt observed the same thing himself. and so what I’m thinking is that this must be some kind of super high-risk, high-reward quirk that Deku, if he knew about it, would be tempted to use while battling someone like Tomura, even knowing there was a risk of it hurting or even killing him as well. this is Deku, after all. Deku, who takes himself out of the equation. Deku, who is ALREADY pushing himself to extremes with OFA and has been doing so from the start. Deku, who barring a miracle will be lucky to have even 1/10th of the normal function in his arms when this arc is said and done. and that’s just with normal, everyday OFA and Blackwhip and Float. if you were to go and add some sort of super-self-destruct quirk on top of all that?? jesus christ. they’d be picking up the pieces of what was left of him, probably.

so yeah. if this really does turn out to be the case, and the Fourth’s quirk really is a potential suicide quirk? I could absolutely understand why All Might would keep that hidden from him. once again, it’s all about protecting him and keeping him safe.

and it’s problematic though, for sure! and most likely futile just like all of his other secret-keeping efforts have been. at some point he’s just going to have to start trusting Deku to handle this stuff, and letting him know these things. like it or not, he’s not going to be a kid forever, and Destiny is currently being Thrust Upon Him at a fairly alarming rate! pretending like all of these threats will just magically go away all on their own is not it. if you didn’t want peril lusting over him at every corner then you shouldn’t have chosen a motherfucking Shounen Protag as your motherfucking heir, my dude.

anyway! so those are all of my thoughts about All Might and his secrets. I do think Deku is gonna call him out on it again soon, and I think All Might will be apologetic for not telling him about Tomura and Nana, but I don’t know if it will be enough to finally get him to change his ways and reveal everything else. he is an overprotective dad filled with anxiety over his trouble magnet son and his arm-exploding ways, and it’s a tough position for him to be in, knowing that either way there will be pain that Deku can’t avoid. it’s rough. anyways, maybe I’m too soft, but while I don’t necessarily want him to just keep getting free passes on everything, I kind of hope they don’t rake him over the coals too badly for it either. he means well!! he is doing his best. hopefully they can manage to talk it out, sob.

[neozoid]

Peril comes out

Peril's wingtips touched Clay's as they silently soared through the soft gray rain.

Half an hour ago, she had asked him if he would take just one moment to fly with her. After everything that had happened, with Jade Mountain Academy under threat and those little rapscallions - Moon, Turtle, Kinkajou, Anemone, Qibli, and Winter - had all managed to save it. The past week... no, weeks? She had lost track of time. But they had been a blur - a blur of emotions, of frustration, of painful, deep searing guilt, Darkstalker's scroll looming in her mind, and of longing. She hadn't gotten to talk to Clay in so long, and she wasn't sure that at the end of it he'd still feel the same way about her that he did when she saved his life on the brightest night.

She turned to look at his face in the grayness. His expression was focused, concentrated, effortful.

He must still be in a lot of pain from that burn I gave him, Peril thought guiltily.

No! She shook her head. I kept him alive! If it wasn't for me he'd be dead! But that didn't make her feel any better.

She turned her gaze back down to the valleys below, vast and dotted in slate blue pine trees obscured by the falling droplets. They rolled harmlessly off Clay, but they sizzled when they hit her and dissolved into steam, making her look like a ghost in flight. The rocky outcroppings below resembled a sleeping dragon - as if the landscape itself, was, once again, put to rest after Darkstalker's second sleep.

"Peril," Clay spoke.

She whipped her head around to him. "Clay?"

"I'm... I'm starting to get a bit tired. Do you think we could stop somewhere down below? Maybe in a cave."

She quickly scanned the landscape below her, and saw an opening just a half mile away. "Yeah, I see something down there." She turned herself in the direction of the cave, and Clay followed her.

As they came in for a landing, Peril opened her wings wide, scattering a million fallen petals that intermingled with the rain. She softly touched down and carefully wrapped her wings around herself, and looked back at Clay, beckoning.

They both sat in the mouth of the cave, tails twined, watching the rain fall.

After what seemed like just a moment (but Peril knew full well was the better part of an hour,) Clay looked at her and asked "So... do you want to talk about Scarlet? Or Ruby? Or the stuff that happened while you were helping Moon and her friends save Jade Mountain?"

Peril stared at him, startled. "No! I mean, yes! I mean, just..." She sighed and looked at the roof of the cave. "I do, but like... hrmmmnnm." She closed her mouth shut and hummed.

"I get it. It can be hard to talk about stuff like this. It took us five forever to find the time to reflect and talk about our feelings after everything happened." He looked at the ceiling too and laughed. "Tsunami..." he muttered happily, and shortly his smile faded, his face a sad, wistful stare. "And Glory."

"I... hm." She fidgeted with her talons nervously. "I mean, I DO want to talk about Queen Scarlet and Ruby and-" she shook her head, "not-queen-Scarlet and- arghh, but it's so! CONFUSING! And it makes me mad to think about her manipulating like that. I trusted her, I really did and..."

Clay looked into the rain. "Like we trusted Morrowseer."

"I... I guess... yeah..." She looked into a corner awkwardly, but then curled her fist. "She shouldn't have betrayed us like that!" she roared.

"What about... Turtle?" Clay offered.

Peril's heart jumped in her stomach. She thought about Turtle, the only other dragon who had understood and trusted her, at least for a while. How protective she felt of him, how she wanted to follow him (and then not...) when they were trying to find Queen Scarlet. She thought about how he went underwater that night, making her rage about how she couldn't get to him, and how regretful she felt when she left him behind. He made her feel new things, just like Clay, new weird things.

"He was nice, I guess."

"How did he feel about being an animus? That must've been why he was able to sympathize with you. He knew if he revealed his animus secret he'd be thrust into the talons of others and the plans they wanted for him, and the only way to avoid that was deep, resolute isolation. He knows how that feels, Peril."

She fumed with fury for a second. Why could he hide! He got to choose that lousy isolation, but she didn't have a choice! Then she thought about his pain-stricken face when she found his healing rock, or his vengeful look as he bashed Chameleon upside the-

Chameleon.

She stared through the wall of water passing outside.

"Peril," Clay whispered.

"Oh. Right." She looked back at him.

"I know it's a lot of stuff to think about, but I can't keep carrying this conversation by myself." He softly chuckled with a warm, patient smile.

She blushed and fluttered her wings. "Right. Sorry, sorry. I was just- argh. Arghhh." She squirmed, as if caterpillars were crawling out of her skin.

Do I tell him?

"Turtle," she said resolutely, "taught me new things about myself. He reminded me of you, actually, Clay. You were my first exposure to life outside the Skywing Palace, and if I'm being honest I was kind of disappointed with the other dragonets at Jade Academy, how they treated me. I thought they'd be like you - I thought everyone in the outside world would be like that."

Clay winced.

"But Turtle! Turtle has his friends, and, surely, he's taught them! I keep getting letters from them. Which is like, weird, but the fact that someone's thinking about me!? While I'm not in front of them!?! Threatening to blaze their FACE or melt their SKIN off!?!?!" She yelled with a smile. "It's CRAAAAZY!"

Clay let out a hearty laugh, smiling as well.

"And Queen Ruby - she hated me, she hated me so bad Clay, she hated me just as much as the other Skywings did, if not more. If Scarlet's twisted love is what makes me ache, Ruby's absolute hatred of me tore me to the core. She looked at me and didn't want anybody, nobody in the whole world to do anything with me. Didn't want anyone to touch me, look at me, love me. She saw me as an irredeemable monster because of things I couldn't control." Peril's face contorted in despair.

"But Tourmaline... Someone who hadn't been fed Scarlet's lies... She saw right through that and she knew deep in my heart I COULD love." She scratched her snout awkwardly. "Well, at least I think I can. I'm not sure."

Clay lovingly jabbed her with her shoulder, and she giggled.

"But that pure strong spirit.... It's so." Her stomach dropped. "It's so scary what Chameleon did to her. Ripped her title, her memories, her life away just for some gold, some jewels." She spat on the ground.

"And Chameleon..."

Her stomach felt like a howling void, ready to collapse her from the inside out.

Do I tell him?

What if he hates me?

He should hate me.

I'm just as bad as him.

I'm just like my dad.

She turned to Clay terrified.

"I-" she sputtered. "I want to tell you something."

Clay looked at her face, concerned, but he motioned around. "Just you and me."

"I-" Peril's muscles clenched, her veins wrapped all around inside her, her bones stabbed inside her, shame made her heat blaze ever hotter, shame and guilt and pain and fear. She wanted to fall into the ground and have it swallow her up, but she knew she didn't have a choice.

"I'm not - I'm not actually a girl. I was hatched as a boy. I- I- Queen Scarlet, she said, she- she wanted me to be like her and- " Words started running over one another. "When you got here- I- I- I just felt like protecting you- and- but- I didn't want you to give up on me- Having a relationship- I-" She wanted to die. She wanted to disappear. "I'm a liar. I'm- I'm just like Chameleon," she howled. "I'm faking it. I- I wanted you but I- I just-" She let go, and wailed.

She looked back at him. "P-please don't-don't hate me," Peril choked through tears.

Clay softly gazed at her, leaned in closer, his wings wrapping around her, and kissed her on her snout.

Peril tears turned to confusion as she leaped with delight and her scales roared a bright blazing blue, the searing heat singing any leftover moss in the cavern. Clay reflexively pulled away, and patted his singed scales, laughing.

"Ow, geez, haha! Not like that!"

"I- I- Huh??"

Peril stepped back, but looked up and peered at his expression.

He really doesn't hate me, she thought wondrously.

As Clay turned looking over himself, his scales settled, and as the smoke rose, he looked at Peril.

"You know, someone else actually said something similar to me a little while ago." He sat back down.

Peril crooned. "R-Really?"

"Yeah. It was - it was Sunny."

Peril's jaw dropped open.

"She'd mentioned to me how she'd - during our time fulfilling the dragonet prophecy, she'd... we'd kind of ignore her most of the time. Not take her seriously. When we first planned on escaping the cavern, we didn't tell her.... she was so upset, afterwards. And in all of our discussions and planning afterwards, we'd step on her feelings. Actually, you remember the Nightwing invasion? Or, well, whatever came of the invasion before they all came crashing into Glory's rainforest under fealty."

"Yeah?" Peril looked at him.

"She was the one who came up with the idea of using the sleeping darts! But Glory was planning, and the others were shouting, so she had to ask me to use my voice and SHOUT it at everyone. The point is, she felt small. And overly protected - we didn't respect her whole, y'know, feelings as part of the team."

Peril flicked her tail, anxious.

"So... A couple nights ago, she talked to me in private, and she told me how she'd been feeling, and... she said she didn't really feel like it was right to be a Queen anymore. Given Thorn had safely secured the position, and was doing a good job... And with everything about the Eye of Onyx." Clay shifted on his talons. "She could trust it to pick a new leader. And the thing is, you know how... you've seen Deathbringer. You've seen Riptide. You've seen Starflight and maybe even Winter and Qibli. And maybe even Darkstalker, and Clearsight."

He sighed.

"Male dragons have a strong feeling to protect one person, the one person who brings them all the light in the world. Sunny said she didn't really feel like that - like one person had captured her whole heart in their hands. But she certainly didn't want to be the object of that kind of affection either. And Sunny didn't feel like Queen Coral or Thorn or Scarlet either, where she wanted to protect her own kin, her own future. She wants to protect everybody. And more than that, she doesn't want to be Sunny the small and weak and lovable, or Sunny the fierce and possessive and loyal. She just wants to be... Sunny, helping out wherever she can."

Peril stared at him intently, blue eyes locked in brown. "And?"

"Well, at first we tried just referring to Sunny by name to sort of, you know, respect her decision, but Starflight looked through the library and found in some old scrolls people using 'they' to refer to - did you even know there were dragons who decided to live past being a boy or a girl in the past, just like Sunny? I was surprised."

Peril's mind was racing. "They must be so happy," she said, eyes sparkling.

Outside, the rain had cleared, and Peril noticed out beyond the cave was a huge field of sunflowers, waving and dancing in the cool wind.

Suddenly her thoughts returned to her.

"But that thing you said earlier about protecting..." Peril looked down at her talons uncomfortably.

"Oh yeah - sorry, I... I didn't mean to. I just..." Clay caught himself. "I... I'm sorry Peril. I know your feelings about this must be really, really complicated. I..." Clay looked away again with a twinge of guilt on his face.

Peril stared at him, trembling.

"But Sunny taught me something I hadn't even thought about before." He chuckled. "I did think about it too, but after a long night of restless staring at the sky and thinking I figured I was perfectly happy being a guy. But that look on Sunny's face... they must have struggled as much with telling us as you did."

"I love you, Peril. I don't think you're anything like Chameleon at all. He only used his identities to trick and manipulate others, to get what he wanted for himself. But you've only ever been trying to find yourself - with Scarlet twisting your thoughts from birth, with how everyone's avoided you and you've been excluded from all the Skywings and, man, even the other dragon's games on Jade Mountain. It must hurt so much to be that isolated."

Peril stared into the field, unable to meet his gaze, tears running down her face.

"I just want you to know, Peril, I love you for who you chose to be. For all of your heroism, and your kindness. Your self-restraint. Chameleon had none of those qualities. But you do."

He stared her straight in the eye.

"What you chose is noble, and so so hard. Being true to yourself - more than Chameleon ever was, he couldn't handle being boring old him - is so, so hard. I know."

Peril thought about the Chameleon's enchanted necklace that removed her firescales. She shuddered deeply."

But you did it. And you shouldn't have to live with the shame, or the guilt anymore. You can have a new beginning just like us." His eyes creased as he looked into hers so warmly, making her melt. "You might protect my scales, but I want to protect your smile. I hope you can let me do that."

"I-"

She rushed forward and hugged him, squeezing him tight. Tears streamed down her face, and she choked down a sob, but she hugged him as tight as she could, not letting go.

"Thank you, Clay," she said when she finally let him out of her little death trap.

"Woof!" He stumbled backwards, breathlessly. "I know I said be true to yourself, but maybe we can work a little on the intensity." He looked at her with a silly expression on his face. "Just kidding. You're perfect the way you are."

"Ha ha," she guffawed. "Tell that to anyone else at Jade Academy." She joked, but she knew deep in her heart that the others were starting to see her for what she could be, too. Not just a monster, or a weapon - but a friend.

"So my queen, shall we return to the mountain?" He curtseyed awkwardly, then looked up with one eye. "Actually, wait, that sounds kind of weird? Girlfriend? Babe?" He started scratching his head. "Names were never really my strong suit."

She howled with laughter and smacked him on the back, taking flight. "Just call me Peril," she triumphantly roared. As Clay lept into flight behind her, grinning, Peril thought... Not gonna lie - I like babe too.

[pluviophile-bookworm]

HSMTMTS 3x1: Did they just join a cult? (a.k.a. Gosh, I miss Big Red)

It has been a real concern for me how little I’ve seemed to care about HSMTMTS these last few months after it consumed my entire life last summer… you want to know how little I actually cared? Well, up until late last night I was convinced the s3 premiere was on Friday, not today. But it is today and I am firmly resolved to get back into my old hyperfixation, so here I am again with another one of my ‘if I haven’t publicly reacted to it, I haven’t seen it properly’ long posts.

[side note: before going into this first episode, I skimmed through some of my reactions to s2 and I just realised that my 2x12 reaction was titled ‘Don’t say we have to let it go’… I had absolutely not intended for that to be a pun since I had no way of knowing what the next musical would be (unlike my darling @redlyncentral who, I’m convinced by this point, has got the gift of prophecy)… but yeah, see how well it turned out? There are no coincidences in this life.]

And… I’m rambling again. But you knew I would. Anyway, without further ado, let’s do what we came here to do and dive into this episode.

No, no no no… you don’t just show me happy Redlyn and Seblos moments in the recap and then expect me not to be angry over the fact that this season is treating them like the Road Trip book did. You do not just take my two favourite boys away from me and expect me to care. You don’t, you simply don’t! Ugh, the episode hasn’t even started properly and I’m already crying. What exactly have I done to deserve this? What have any of us done? This is insane.

Oh no, you do not just put Portwell and whatever Richard over here (I’m calling him that until he comes to his senses) thinks he’s doing with Lily side by side… you. Do. Not! But I suppose this recap is already doing a bunch of stuff you do not do, so I ought to expect the unexpected. Got it.

‘Love is an open door. Did I just make that up?’ First of all, Richard, no you did not. Second of all, if you think you’re Zefroning your way into this one, you’ve got another think coming. But then again, as it turns out, I unknowingly anticipated things with ‘Don’t say we have to let it go’, so who am I to judge? (Although, in fairness, all I had intended to do was make a reference to the final song from HSM3, and it turned out to be even more meaningful than I had planned). Anyway. I haven’t even got to the episode proper yet. I talk way too much even for my own taste.

Dad joke-spouting EJ is my new favourite EJ. Call me weird, bizarre if you will, but I love dad jokes.

So yeah, this season is treating my darling boys Big Red and Sebby just like that Road Trip book. But if that’s so, it would mean they’d at least be back for the end. Please give me that at the very least… is it too much I’m asking?

That car horn was so precisely administered… if Ricky is with who I think he’s with, they’d better not mention her or show her on screen… I don’t want to know about it.

It’s not like I hadn’t seen it before in countless pieces of promotional material, but… I love love love Gina’s new braid look. Love it. Let her keep it forever.

Oh, you bet they’d do What Time Is It! After all, I’ve played that song thousands of times at the beginning of each summer since I was 9, so I know quite well why it’s just a necessity of life. We’re all in, people! I’m back into it with my entire being. Love that for me.

Ooh, I’m loving this mashup! I think I’ve got a new favourite version of both of these songs. This soundtrack is going to be off the charts, I can feel it.

Is this Ash and Carlos leaning on each other in the absence of their boyfriends I see? I’m loving this. I don’t think we’ve had quite enough interaction between these two, and with them being the biggest theatre kids there, it was a no-brainer. I love it. Even though I miss their boyfriends not much less than they do. Also, how relatable is Carlos… ‘I feel naked without my angst’. Too relatable, if you ask me.

But what’s even more relatable is Kourtney’s reaction to having her phone taken away… for two whole weeks? How dare you! But also, this season is treating Seb and Big Red worse than that Road Trip book. In that one, they at least had some sort of communication with their SOs (however clumsy that was for one reason or another). But this here… it feels like torture.

Oh. No. They. Didn’t. They did NOT. Yes, I am still in denial and I’ll deny it till the cows come home. (Ugh, now I’ve made myself think of Seb with that expression, for no reason at all) But yes, it would appear that Richard is with her-who-must-not-be-named… why? And… did she just call him Richie, or are those my auditory processing issues all over again? Yeah, I’m calling him Richard until further notice.

I might get some hate over this, but it’s my post and I’ll say whatever I want to: I don’t particularly care about Miss Jenn or Nini this season. I just don’t. Not because of any hard feelings or anything, they’re just not piqueing my interest. This could change, of course, but for the time being my mind and heart are elsewhere.

Ashlyn being a ‘thing-in-law’… I love it! Still would have loved to see her and Reddy and all the redheaded cuteness they bring, but… we’ll have to wait and see.

I see Ash is bringing her High-Priestess-so-meek-so-mild-sword persona back, and I love it. We love us some callbacks to things only mentioned previously in passing, we do.

‘Be safe… and take big risks.’ Sounds really wise, it does, on the surface at least, but… is it not oxymoronic? How do you stay safe while taking risks? And big ones, at that? Seriously, how? Someone make it make sense to me.

No, no, forget what I said earlier about Richard and her-who-must-not-be-named. ‘What song titles?’ They’re perfect for each other. Let them have this, I couldn’t care less. *** Ok, so I don’t care about Miss Jenn or Nini, I don’t care about Richard or her, it hurts to look at Ash or Carlos without their boyfriends, and Portwell are already getting old in my eyes… so why do I care about this season again? I keep fluctuating between ‘Yasss, this is going to be so great!’ and ‘Meh, who even cares anymore’ like, every five seconds. This is exhausting.

Ooh, wait, I do care a bit still. Someone’s dark secret is out, and someone else is hopefully about to come to his senses and earn the right to be called Ricky again… hopefully.

Carlos’ reaction to the first impression of his bunk is, frankly, me whenever I find myself in a camp situation, surrounded by strangers who all seem to know each other in a strange place where everybody else feels comfortable. I feel like I’m going to be experiencing this season through Carlos’ vantage point, and it’s not like it hasn’t happened before. Season 1 was sort of the same.

This Jet kid… like Carlos, I am scared, but I’m also the least bit curious. What’s his deal? I want to know.

‘At least say Richard.’ First of all, I loved that. But second of all… so you’re saying I was being milder than I intended to be by calling him that for the last… 17 minutes? Gosh, this thing is packed. So much has happened and there’s still 1/3 of the episode to go.

I am absolutely loving this new song — this soundtrack is going to be the best thing since sliced bread, I’m telling you — and I feel like it sounds more like a Joshua Bassett single than something belonging in HSMTMTS, but I love that. (I mean, Let You Go was both of these things, and this… this is different somehow. In a good way). Who’s to say a genuine Joshua Bassett single can’t fit into HSMTMTS like a puzzle piece? If I genuinely care about and am excited for one thing this season, it is the music.

No, seriously, I love this song. So much so that I’m going on about it in two separate bullets… but Ricky is back, you guys! Speaking of, for the past few months, despite not finding it in my heart to be excited about this new season, I’ve sort of had this daydream of Ricky and Big Red singing The Boys Are Back… I want that. If not from this season, at least from the next. Let me have this one little thing, please, pretty please with a strawberry on top (I’m not much of a cherry person).

Yes, Carlito dear, you are a celebrity. Have been since day one. Seriously, I love this boy. Can we at least get more of him this season if they’re not going to let his boyfriend be there?

Hey, I wanted to like Maddox… or Gadget, or whatever she prefers to be called... I did. But why is she being dismissive of the magic that is Redlyn? Please let her be wrong wrong wrong… please. I’m scared.

This song… is Shallow Lake a cult? I… I’ve just got some trauma from last summer when I ended up at a religious cult camp by mistake, and this is just bringing out some memories of that. Maybe I shouldn’t watch this season after all?

Suddenly I relate to Jet even though I know nothing about him yet. Standing all the way back in the dark, refusing to partake in whatever the heck this is… that’s been me all my life. And for good reason, too. I wonder what his reason is.

‘It’s very meta, you guys’… and the fourth wall does not exist. I love that. And yes, Mr Corbin Bleu, it is very meta. I love meta.

Wait, is this how EJ becomes the musical’s director? I’ve got to say it’s a bit of contrived coincidence there, but I like it. There’s a plot to this thing. All along I was thinking ‘this should have been a compilation album tie-in special or something’, but I feel like I’m being proven wrong. And if I ever like being wrong, it is when the reality of the thing is better than what I thought.

Ok, so this was a trip… I honestly don’t know if I’ve got my excitement for this show back. But I love routine and stability, and now with my uni years behind me and no jobs in sight for the time being, HSMTMTS and reacting to it here on Tumblr are basically the only certain things in my future. So I’ll be doing the reactions, no matter what. And I hope I get my enthusiasm for it back somewhere along the way.

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

So I was showing my sister your amazing Q-A posts, when I came across Peter's. I realized that you just keep mentioning the incompetence of the Order, and how they're just a bunch of babysitters who don't do anything throughout many posts, but never actually wrote a rant about them and their members. Can you do that, while stating all the things they did/didn't do and their uselessness to the Order? What can I say I love your rants!

Caveat that it has been a while since I’ve read books 5, 6, and 7 of Harry Potter. I have a fantastic memory but some things may slip my mind. If I grievously offend anyone and it turns out the Order does actually do something, anything, of any vague importance then feel free to let me know and shame me on the internet.

With that, the story of why I think the Order of the Phoenix is a ridiculous organization that was mostly there because Dumbledore felt the need to have a guerilla resistance group (you’ve got to have a guerilla resistance group! Or, if Tom has a secret cult, I must have one too! BUT WITH BIRDS! COO COO KACHOO TOM RIDDLE!)

First, let’s look at our lineup.

Yes, we have a few aurors in the midst, but even with them the lineup is... worrying. In the first war we knew that key figures had presumably just graduated Hogwarts and joined the Order (James and Sirius). For all we know, they were recruited even before graduation. This makes sense as James’ is a big financial win for Dumbledore and was probably, perhaps with Longbottom, in charge of funding most of their operations. That and he and Longbottom give Dumbledore a voice in the Wizengamot (which so far as I can surmise is the only real governing body in the country, the ministry exists, but it all boils down to the Wizengamot). 

The point being, James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Lily are all barely squeaking out of Hogwarts not only when they join the Order but also even by the time they die. More, it could be because the books are from Harry’s point of view and he has a serious thing about worshipping James, but James in particular is made to sound very vital to the Order’s operations. A twenty-one-year-old who charged Voldemort without a wand (I really shouldn’t give James shit for this, it was a desperate situation, an attack they had not anticipated, he’s young, and panicking. I will still give James shit for this.)

Otherwise we have Mundungus Fletcher, who gives strong vibes of being an alcoholic and is just a generally unreliable, shady, dude who will steal your silverware and pawn it on the black market when you aren’t looking.

We have Molly and Arthur Weasley, whose only use I can possibly think of is being moral support and... I don’t know... providing safe houses maybe? Seriously, we have no indication they’re good at dueling (less so as Harry’s shocked when Molly takes on Bellatrix and miraculously wins). We know Arthur’s not a very intelligent guy. Arthur and Molly have no sense of... Well, suffice to say, if Dumbledore gave them any real information they’d run away screaming. They throw Percy out of the family for becoming Fudge’s secretary, I’m sure Dumbledore was just internally screaming and begging them not to do it so he can make Percy a spy. But he can never say as much as such a notion would horrify Molly and Arthur. Molly and Arthur are also presented as vital members of the Order by the way. Molly and Arthur. ARTHUR.

We have what remains of the Marauders in the second go around: Remus and Sirius. Remus, while a competent wizard, nobody can quite trust for the reason they couldn’t quite trust him last time: he’s still a werewolf and has no reason to support the current government. Sirius is recovering from ten years in hell and is in no condition to do anything, knows it, loathes it, and is clawing at the walls of the safehouse he was pretty much forced to provide the Order.

We then have the aurors. Kingsly seems competent enough but more than him we have Moody and we have Tonks. Tonks is young and seems very very green, she was a good enough duelist to get into the auror corps but we know she’s dreadfully clumsy and often seems to treat Order business as this very exciting super secret mission she’s on. Moody, is a paranoid wreck who is almost comical for his utterly ridiculous skepticism of everything and seems incapable of making any true plans or taking any real action.

Looking at the Order of the Phoenix is kind of like watching “Dodgeball”, you just have this really weird collection of people who try to dodge wrenches, only the Death Eaters aren’t much better, so it kind of evens out. 

But onto why I think they do nothing... It’s because we see them do nothing.

We don’t get much information on the first war but at best it seems like there were a few minor skirmishes in the street now and then. I always imagine something like the Sharks and the Jets in Westside Story. They’re walking along the streets, spot each other, dramatic music ensues and a rumble begins, then they scamper away when the aurors come in.

Remember that these guys aren’t a legitimate organization and really don’t have the structure of one. Back in the day they were probably, essentially, a street gang.

We get a little more evidence of what we see them get up to in the later books. And it’s all just kind of sad.

Remus is sent on the world’s most ridiculous and hopeless quest to recruit werewolves. Why do I say ridiculous and hopeless, what the hell does Remus have to offer these guys? Werewolves are ridiculously oppressed by the current government, they cannot obtain an education, they cannot hold jobs, they’re desperately unemployed and people routinely talk about wiping them out. Remus comes up to them and says, “Hey guys, come support the guerilla movement that supports the government that talks about killing you all the time! It’ll be great!” They’ll either put Remus’ head on a pike or if they’re nice just laugh at him until he leaves. I’d say it’d be worth it, except that it’s an exceedingly dangerous task that probably would end with Remus’ head on a pike. As it is, it ends in embarrassing failure. And this is one of the more legitimate Order missions.

Hagrid, similarly, is sent to talk to the giants and it ends in equally embarrassing failure for the same reasons (why would the giants ever support the ministry and or Dumbledore who promises them nothing). Also, sending Hagrid to talk diplomacy, with anyone, ever. Surely, there’s no way that could possibly go wrong.

Otherwise their big task seems to be to babysit Harry and transfer him from the Dursleys to the Burrow/Grimmuald Place. The first, they fail at, Mundungus gets put on the job the one day something actually happens and it’s a complete disaster. The second, they also fail at, as I never understood why they couldn’t just portkey him where they needed him to go or at least closer by. The polyjuice flight across the sky was... really unecessary. 

You can tell by the seriousness with which most Order members, i.e. Tonks, take the babysitting Harry duty that this is a very serious task for very serious people. Given this, Tom’s lack of overt action in the fifth and sixth books, the fact that we don’t seem to see them do anything even in the seventh book... Yeah, this and keeping an eye out for that prophecy are their most exciting jobs.

Remember that rescuing Harry from the Department of Mysteries wasn’t really Dumbledore’s idea. That was an emergency situation where he had to pull out the stops, more, I suspect Sirius went “CHAAAAAARGE” and gleefully rushed out into glorious battle with the Order directly behind him and Dumbledore going, “Well, shit.”

I guess the last thing I’ll say is that we also see that Dumbledore has very little confidence in the Order. He gives them nothing important to do and, more, gives them virtually no intelligence.

He never tells the Order about the horcruxes (their existence or Harry, Hermione, and Ron’s super serial mission to track them down and destroy them). He never relays to them that Harry himself is a horcrux. He never reveals the suicide ploy with Snape or that he was in fact dying before that point. He never reveals Malfoy’s assassination attempts. Dumbledore doesn’t tell them jack shit.

If he relies on anyone, usually when he’s forced to, it’s Severus Snape. This I think is not only because Snape is forced in a way to be loyal thanks to the life debt to Harry as well as his own overwhelming sense of guilt but also because he’s the only really intelligent and competent one there.

The Order’s just... if you need someone to pick up Harry or else keep an eye on him when Mrs. Figg is busy: they’re your guys. Otherwise, they make Dumbledore feel good about himself?

[snowsheba]

i finished... 3-4... thoughts under cut...

characters

mel i already made some posts dragging her but the fact she gets all high and mighty after learning two (2) spells is so funny. to be fair, if i'd also spent my entire life without magic, i would react in the same way, but the phrasing used where she became "addicted to magic" was unintentionally comedic. similar to not helping the merchant and letting him bleed to death, actually!

my main complaint, though, is that genuinely i want her to be held responsible for how much hurt she's caused to the people who she calls her friends, or at least to take responsibility for it, and she never does. she had a hard life and she's sensitive about it, but throughout all of these games she just kept lashing out because she's defensive, and it's like. after a while people won't put up with this shit, mel. you can't keep hurting people and expect them to keep coming back to help you as if nothing's happened. they do because it's just a game, but in real life, she'd be alone and she'd die alone.

in 3-4 she just gives a silly little apology to ONLY edward about the chain of events (to which edward says "i'm already over it, it's cool" pretty much. what!) and that's it. like. i enjoy that she's destructive and angry and bursting with emotion, but i do think it's a tremendous missed opportunity that she experienced barely any growth from game to game.

stella setting the game up for stella marrying edward is poorly done. like. why even give the option if the following games are ALL going to be about edward and mel being weird bitchy exes.

stella's arc was very neatly presented and neatly wrapped up. i really enjoyed seeing her come to terms with what happened to her and her body and resolving to continue living anyway in 3-2 and 3-3 (though a lot happened off-screen obviously. but it's easy to guess what happened, and that's an important distinction).

it was incredibly touching that she got her wings back. out of everyone in this game, i think she deserved that miracle. she was never involved in the prophecy beyond her duty to guard the orb of light and everything was taken from her simply because she was in the way. to be able to return home whole after fighting in a battle that she made hers - because she loves her friends and the world under naylith and everything else she's seen - is just really good storytelling.

edward ok. edward was tough in this game, but i liked him best in this one, too.

i mentioned this in another post about how it seems like av3's writing relies on having a prideful idiot butthead as a primary protagonist, which is a weird tool to rely on but there it is. this time edward slotted into place. and it was WEIRD, man. having him actively yell at people (to the point stella consistently told him off for it) felt really out of place at first, but gradually i got into it because yeah. i mean, yeah. everything was taken from him, and now they're ripping his friend away from him, too. he's lost everything and he isn't going to lose any more, not if he can help it.

that paradigm shift changed my view of him entirely. like yes he's always sarcastic in previous games, but in this one he's pissed off and, for once, not under any obligation to hide it. (he's not a prince anymore. he can't even go home.) so he doesn't! so he yells at people and complains about lack of rewards and never once wavers in his mission to help mel, because he's allowed to do what he wants for once in his goddamn life.

and then he gets home and he concedes to his duty, because if there's anything this journey has taught him, it's that avoiding your fate never works. and that might not be the best lesson to take away from watching your dear friend almost destroy the world, but he takes the crown and goes back to being the dutiful, polite son.

it's sad. i feel like... it was only really in this game that i developed an idea of what his character is like, and it's just sad to see that because of his resentment and the growth he experienced because of where that resentment took him, he will make an excellent king.

galahad my first reaction to him having a) a terribly misogynistic marriage contract and b) using it was like "dude, not cool." and then, of course, i remembered that te'ijal has been pretty much torturing him with nonsense for the past three centuries or so, so at that point, i went "ok. i guess i can give you a pass for this one."

overall i was fascinated by his dynamic with te'ijal here. i NEVER thought that galahad would actually want to stay married to te'ijal if he became human again - but instead he calls her "love" and seemingly dotes on her. it's such an interesting angle to explore (full of dysfunction and codependence, i would imagine). like at this point he obviously believes magic is real, so he's accepted some things about his reality, but it's almost as if becoming human shifted his perception entirely.

so many questions! so many questions. it's a shame he and te'ijal became vampires again - i would have loved to see a bit more of them interacting as humans, just to sate my own curiosity.

te'ijal i feel like anything i say here will just be a repeat of what i've said before about te'ijal, but regardless: what a tragic figure. i cannot BELIEVE she let galahad order her around even with the marriage contract. i can't tell if they wrote it that way for shits and giggles or because they wanted to demonstrate how much her mental health had deteriorated since becoming human. (probably the former?)

i think there's something very telling in that she no longer cared about helping mel, right up until her husband returns from the demon realm. before that, she was following along because of the marriage contract and then galahad's ability to turn her into a vampire again. even then, she only stuck it out because galahad had changed and she was unsettled by it. it seems like a weird reversal from the other games, and i wonder if it has to do with whether you responded to her letters or not in the previous.

that said, another interesting thing with te'ijal becoming perturbed with galahad's corruption. she and galahad have spent so long complaining about each other that the minute the status quo changes, they both get spooked. it's a really fascinating dynamic that i wished the game had explored more.

yemite i don't have much to say about yemite except that she was very funny and very sweet. i like that she eats curses.

i think it's very fun that she continues to follow mel around after all is said and done. mel having a companion like her for support can't hurt, i don't think.

gyendal rip this guy. kiiiind of think the twist that he was serving a higher power (mordred) was kind of a cop out.

it is honestly baffling to me that they just send him into the demon realm to die. like they know that it could just not work if mel could come back, but this is treated as being done and done. like if he REALLY wanted to i'm of the thought that he could get a portal going, no problem.

yvette do you think they ever go back and tell her mel is ok after she literally vanished from the country after being sent out to get flies? because i think about that pretty often.

uma and nox booooooooring. mel has twins. yaaaaay. why are they working for the oracle though.

the oracle she has a personality now which she only shows with uma and nox. the shadow version was very interesting, though.

mordred darkthrop his villain monologue wasn't even good! and mel didn't get to confront him! wasted opportunities all around.

hercules lmao. that's all i have to say about that.

story

like i said in gyendal's section, the whole thing felt like a bit of a cop out!

honestly i felt so little impact from the story itself. i was FAR more invested in the characters and their interactions with each other, the events, and the world around them.

however, i will say that playing most of the game without mel as an central cornerstone was incredibly freeing. literally felt like a breath of fresh air to get a sense of how these characters interact when mel is gone. i loved it SO much. it was also really nice to see mel navigate through things on her own (especially since she's... kind of bad at it).

gameplay

the battle system felt very much like 3-3 (and 4) in terms of appearance but more like 1, 2, 3-1, and 3-2 in terms of actual play. thank GOD for the boots of haste, though. ashera's sandals in 3-3 were a game changer and the boots of haste were the same. why they didn't give you a speed crystal like in av1 is beyond me.

something i do miss from av1 and av2 are sidequests that don't actually matter. aveyond 3 has this skill of construing quests as "side quests" but ultimately they are actually main quests because you have to do them to complete the story. i would have loved some more useless quests to run around and complete for the hell of it, but that's just the completionist in me.

music

I CRIED WHEN THE PROFESSORS CAME AND THE RECRUITMENT MUSIC CAME ON. AAAAAAAAAAAA

the remixes of the classic songs are so good. i have very strong auditory memory so i was just like bopping along to every one. i'm SO HAPPY. i miss av1 so much. i like the original versions better because nostalgia's a bitch but still ;w; sedona...

conclusion

literally want to replay the games and write a novelization at the same time. i love the aveyond series and i'm beyond delighted with what aveyond 3 delivered.

[startanewdream]

Mia

Summary: It’s not really an unplanned pregnancy if you planned it once - even it was twenty years ago, right?

Or the road leading to James and Lily’s baby number two. (Part of the Jily Lives AU)

Note: To be edited later with a link to AO3 as soon as this gets a title. Edited with the link to AO3 if you prefer. Also, this time there is mention of Sirius and Remus being alive because after the last one, I felt guilty.

Warning for... mentions of sex. That’s how babies are made after all.

_________________________

They are in bed, Lily’s head over his chest while he caresses her hair, both still recovering their breaths when she first talks about it.

'How do you feel about another?'

James raises his eyebrows.

'I don't know if I should be happy you enjoyed so much you already want more or if I should be concerned you are not satisfied, Lily'.

'What? No -' she giggles, turning in bed to stare at him, her auburn hair floating around her. 'I meant about another child'.

James is silent for a few seconds, considering it.

'So that means you are not satisfied'.

She rolls her eyes, but James can see the amusement in her face.

'In bed with you, yes, I am', she assures, placing a soft kiss on his chest, over his heart. 'But about kids, I've been thinking about it'.

James bits his lips.

'You know how I feel about it', he whispers.  'I hated so much being an only child that I found myself brothers as soon as I could'.

'Yeah and you did propose to me mentioning how you would like a house full of kids - enough to fill a Quidditch team, if I remember correctly'.

'I was babbling, afraid you were going to refuse me! You know you can't use someone's desperate proposal against him'.

She smiles softly.

'So you don't want a bunch of children?'

He touches her hair once more, keeping his eyes on the auburn strands, and it comes to his mind that he would like a child with that gorgeous hair of her.

'I do. Maybe not seven, but I don't want Harry to be an only child. It's just -'

He doesn't finish, but James knows he doesn't need to. Harry is just fifteen months old, an unplanned child in the middle of a war they are not close to winning and, truth be told, if James and Lily had more sense, they would not have one child, let alone another one.

And there is the fact that their only son is already too much involved in this war.

'Hey', she cups his face. 'Let's plan together'.

There is a pleading tone in her voice, and he knows that what Lily is asking is hope - for better days, for a time where they can have more children without worrying about what will happen to them.

He looks back at her and when their eyes meet, his heart beats faster. It should be silly considering what they were doing minutes ago and how he possibly cried in very colourful words that he loved her, but this is one of those moments where time seems to stop and he realizes, with a wave of electricity running through his body, with a certainty that leaves room for no doubt, that he loves her with all he has.

That’s why they are together, that’s why he asked her to marry him. Not because he feared for the future, not because he was desperate to enjoy as much time with her as they had left.

But because he loved her since what seems always now, and he won’t deny any hope for Lily, not when he's been living on it.

He kisses her softly.

'Let’s plan’, he agrees. ‘I think… maybe four kids would be nice. Two boys, two girls'.

She smiles.

'Well, we can't plan that'. Then Lily throws him a knowing look. 'You are thinking about forming a new group of Marauders, aren't you?'

He smiles unabashedly.

'Just think about family photos. Each one of our kids dresses as one of the Marauders. It would be the cutest thing ever'.

Her eyes shine, seeing beyond him.

'It would. Fine, four kids. We will need a bigger house'.

'We can expand the house, you know. My dad always said he thought of creating a new wing here; there is plenty of land'.

'Two rooms to begin with. They can share until they are older'.

‘Sirius always slept in my room when he came over’, James remembers fondly. ‘We almost burnt the house once or twice, I must warn you’.

‘Consider me warned. Petunia and I had separate rooms, but when I was younger -’, she pauses suddenly, and James can see the concern on her face. ‘What if they don’t like each other?’, she whispers.

‘They will’.

‘You can’t know for sure, I mean - you see how Petunia is with me. And Sirius can’t even talk about Regulus, what if -’

‘You are worrying too much, Lily’, he says gently, kissing the top of her head. ‘Maybe they will best friends, maybe they won’t. But I’m sure they will be family no matter what’.

She looks thoughtfully, but after a minute she nods.

‘What about next year? Harry will be two, it’s a good age gap’.

‘It would be nice. We can start practising now if you want’.

‘I thought we already did’, Lily winks at him. ‘But we can repeat tomorrow’.

‘Halloween fun?’, he smirks. ‘Will you be wearing a costume?’

‘Only if you do - and no, your antlers tiara doesn’t count’.

He pouts, making her giggle and kiss him until his expression relax.

‘Hey, Lily’, he calls her, his voice resounding with the hope he associates with Lily. ‘Let’s have another child’.

___________________

When Harry is five and he starts Muggle school, it comes to James that his son has been lacking other kids in his life. It’s not that he is lonely - he couldn’t be, not with James and Lily always there for him, not with the almost daily visits from Sirius and Remus, but he suddenly wishes there were more children in the house.

Now, he can’t count on Sirius or Remus to help him with it - both of them seem to avoid relationships like the plague, though for different reasons -, so he rounds Lily while she is in her office preparing a potion.

‘James?’, she calls surprised, when his arms embrace her from behind and he kisses her exposed neck (James loves when Lily is making potions because she keeps her hair on a bun and he has a weak spot for her neck). ‘This will explode if I don’t stir it’.

‘Let it explode’.

‘It’s a Draught of Living Death, we will turn into zombies if -’

‘Let’s make a baby’.

That makes her take her wand to freeze the potion and turn to him, with a funny smile.

‘Is that a weird way of asking for sex? If so - you used better lines before’.

‘No, I mean, sex is good too and most necessary, but I mean it, Lily. Let’s try for another kid’.

Lily blinks.

‘Why now?’

‘Why not now? Harry is still young, we are definitively young, what’s keeping us from having more?’

She bits her lip, thoughtful, and James feels suddenly dismayed.

‘Unless you don’t want anymore?’

‘It’s not that, I want it - it’s just, with everything that happened -’

‘I know, it slipped out of my mind too. But now, we are living in this peace for a while…’

‘But it won’t last, will it?’, she whispers as if she feels guilty of even thinking about it. ‘Dumbledore says he isn’t really dead and when he returns -’

‘Maybe he will stay hidden forever, maybe he is too weak to try anything’.

She smiles sadly.

‘Every time I look at Harry’s scar I know that something will happen, James. That’s not a normal scar, that means something, and I get scared’.

‘Hey’, he hugs her. ‘As long as we are together, we can face anything - didn’t we prove that before?’

‘Yeah, but - is it fair? To put someone innocent in the middle of our mess?’

‘It was not fair with Harry, but we managed. We can do it again’.

‘James…’

Lily looks at him and James sees she is not convinced, not really; he knows Lily enough to understand that she is rational - she likes to think first, whereas James is always the more impulsive. They complement each other. He takes her to fly, she remembers him to come back to the ground.

And he understands what she means, even if he wishes things were different.

‘You are right’, he sighs. ‘At least for now, until we see how things really are’.

She smiles, touching his face with fondness.

‘I want it, I really do. Don’t forget it’.

James kisses her hand on his face.

‘I won’t. In fact, if you want to start practising now -’

____________________

It’s just because the house is empty now that Harry is off to Hogwarts that the subject returns; they don’t exactly talk about it. James just sees Lily is not taking her potions anymore - they look at each other, understanding passing between them (one of the benefits of being married for over ten years) - and then suddenly and simply as that they are trying.

It feels a little weird to actually hope for once that something comes out of their moments together, but it’s Lily. He forgets everything when he is with her, focusing on just enjoying her company and touches and how they made each other feel.

But time passes and nothing happens. It’s been only three months, it’s nothing unusual, and Lily mentions seeing a doctor when the owl comes to tell them how someone jinxed Harry’s broom on his first Quidditch match.

That doesn’t seem like a good sign.

When they return home months after, in June, after seeing Harry all bandaged in the hospital, after hearing him talking about coming face to face with Voldemort, they don’t say anything. He buys the herbs for Lily and she is not surprised when he gives them to her.

There is no need to talk about it.

____________________

Most of the time their lives are full of things happening and Harry is always at the centre of a storm, so when James thinks about it, Lily was right. He can’t imagine facing dementors and going back to the Order with a young child to be cared for.

He can’t imagine how their child would be a target, how vulnerable and defenceless their child would be, without a love protection, without a prophecy somehow binding its fate. They made the right choice of postponing their second child.

That’s the rational part of him that suddenly vanishes the moment he sees Lily holding baby Teddy Lupin in her arms for the first time, that cute fat baby that giggles at her, closing his eyes for a minute - and then his blue hair turns as red as hers and his eyes are bright green.

It’s like a mini-Lily and suddenly James wishes more than ever that this war is over soon - or that it had never even begun because he can see that other life, the one where there was no Voldemort. Instead, James and Lily’s lives are filled with more children, happy shining kids whose worst problems are passing their school exams and not surviving. The life he always wanted for Harry.

His eyes meet Lily’s and she smiles at him, offering him to hold Teddy. It’s been forever since James held a baby, but he still remembers, not really forgetting all these nights he took care of Harry. Teddy is a quiet baby, smiling at him too, his hand raised to try to grab his glasses.

‘He is perfect’, he whispers, looking to Remus. His friend is beaming - James understands that happiness that comes with holding your child for the first time, with seeing that miracle in the shape of a baby that you swear to protect with all your heart.

‘Of course he is’, Tonks says cheerfully, while Remus hugs her, holding her close to him as if he doesn't believe he gets to be this happy.

James understands the feeling of living that light bright moment right after coming out of the darkness. There is nothing like that.

He returns Teddy to Tonks when he starts to whimper for his mother, and then he looks at Lily.

Her green eyes are filled with longing for a life they promised themselves they would have, and also a little bit of hurt. How did they lose sight of their dreams?

They both know the answer but it's not a comfort.

Later, when they apparate back to their hiding place - a sorry little apartment where they pretend to be a normal boring couple -, they don't wait to turn out the lights and they don't say anything before their lips are meeting, and it's desperate and harsh as it has not been for a long time.

Somehow James feels like they are making up for a lost time that won't go anywhere and that they can't retrieve anyway.

It doesn't matter.

When they first married all they had was their love and dreams. They still love each other and for those dreams - they will accomplish them.

________________

They never speak out loud but somehow in the aftermath of the last battle, it feels right that they get a new beginning just as everyone else is having.

It’s all about rebuilding - Hogwarts, then the wizarding world - the Ministry, the Aurors, organising a system that was clearly outdated - and their home. It's a long process and in the middle of it, they forget about worrying, about planning; they just go with the flow and somehow it works without they even meaning to.

Lily has this weird expression on her face, one that seems to mix disbelief and amazement as she turns to him one morning and says as if the most natural thing:

‘James? I think I’m pregnant’.

That’s the first difference from their first time. Now he is the one that leaves for the pharmacy while Lily prepares a potion - they will test twice, just to be sure - and they are together while they wait for both tests to tell them if her feelings were right on the spot.

They are.

There are two lines on the muggle pregnancy test and the potion turns blue and suddenly like that they know they will be parents again.

She hugs him then, her eyes filled with tears of pure joy, laughing when she sees James is really crying now.

‘I love you so much!’, he declares brightly, kissing every part of her face that he can (but with care, because a pregnant Lily always seems fragile to him, no matter the fact he knows this is not true). 

And it feels that this is what he should have done the first time, when she first told him about Harry. They should be happy and only that. No worries. That’s the second difference.

There are parallels too, James thinks. Harry’s shock at the idea his parents will have a baby reminds him of Sirius’ reaction as if he can’t possibly understand how that happened (somehow, despite running into them a couple of times, Sirius still got shocked with the fact they made sex). Lily is as sick as in her first pregnancy, so the first months are mostly spent at home too.

And just like back then, Sirius comes to visit her every day he can, careful to bring her anything she may want to eat and offering massage to her feet that Lily doesn’t need to, but she enjoys anyway.

‘I can still see my feet, Padfoot’, she replies teasingly, lying lazily on the couch of the living room while Sirius' hands work their magic on her right foot. James winks at her.

‘Just enjoy, Lily. He is trying to get into your good graces. He wants to be named godfather again’.

Sirius nods unabashedly, grinning at her. 

‘Remus is the next in line’, Lily says, shrugging. ‘But keep with that massage and we will think about you if baby number three ever comes’.

‘Still without a name for baby number two?’

‘You need to stop calling young Prongslet by numbers’, James scolds without any malice.

‘We are not calling Prongslet either, James’.

‘Of course not, Lily. It will be Elvendork’.

Lily rolls her eyes.

‘Not this again’.

‘It’s unisex!’

They indeed refer to their baby as Elvendork just because it’s easier than calling “it” or “baby”, and Harry throws confused looks at them, looking concerned that his new brother or sister will really be called that, though Lily assures him this won’t happen.

But the truth is that they really have not decided on a name, haven’t even discussed yet seriously until they return from the doctor with the news it’s a girl (James cried with this news just as he cries every time they go to the doctor and he hears the baby's heartbeat or even that shape in the ultrasound that it's not really discernible).

They are on the bed, with James looking wondrously at Lily’s now round belly and imagining their little girl (maybe that mini-Lily he once thought of, maybe a little Harry, maybe a little James - it doesn’t matter, he already loves her), when he whispers: ‘We can’t call her Elvendork’.

Lily throws him a surprised look.

‘Oh, no! Poor Elvendork!’

He is too enamoured with her to retort.

‘Did you think of any names?’

‘I have a list of names’, she admits. ‘But none of them feels right’.

They go together through her list; there are beautiful, weird and creative types of names, but as Lily said, none seems to fit yet.

Of course, they don’t lack ideas. Everyone seems to have an opinion.

Sirius is all for the stars, of course (but James thinks he is teasing, though some of them sound nice), and Harry suggests female heroes.

‘What about your mothers?’, Remus suggests, when he and Dora come over for dinner. Lily is sitting on the couch, playing with Teddy. The boy is four now, and he seems fascinated by Lily’s big belly - he had been too young when Fleur was pregnant with Victoire, so this is the first time he is really seeing a pregnant woman and understanding what it means.

Teddy already refers to the baby as his little cousin, sounding proud and excited to meet her.

‘Rose would be a good name’, Lily muses, but still it doesn’t seem to be what she is looking for.

At this time, with only a month away until their baby is born, James considers they are hoping that looking at her face will be enough after the birth - if not, he will just cry the first name that comes to his mind when they sign her birth certificate.

He only hopes he manages not to sign Elvendork. Lily would kill him.

‘I wouldn’t go for Euphemia’, he declares, shrugging.

‘As someone who has an outdated name, I second that’, Dora says, grinning at him.

But Lily looks at both of them with her brows furrowed, and James knows there is something on her mind. She doesn’t say anything until they are alone later.

‘You know, I think Remus might have the right idea’.

‘Liked Rose after all?’

‘No, actually, I thought about your mother’.

Thinking of his mother brings to James that smell of fresh-baked pie, the warmth of her hugs - she had always been there for him, to listen and to guide him - and not just him. She had been a mother to Sirius too and even to Lily in the few months they had together before she passed away.

He smiles softly.

‘I miss her, but Euphemia is not - ‘

‘It doesn’t have to be Euphemia. Your father called her Mia, right? We can do something like that’.

‘Mia Potter?’

‘I thought of Amelia. And we could call her Mia, for short. Like Teddy or Ginny’.

‘Mia Potter’, he repeats, savouring the words.

‘Amelia Rose Potter? In honour of both grandmothers?’

James beams, hugging Lily and letting his hand feel her belly. ‘I love it’.

The baby seems to like it too, because in the next second Lily is wincing and James feels the baby kicking.

‘You know what, Lily? I think Mia will be a great Quidditch player too’.

She sighs exaggeratedly.

‘I only wish she could wait to start training when she is out’.

_____________________

Because fate sometimes is funny, Mia Potter is born on Halloween Night and the first time James holds her he is wearing an antlers tiara that he forgot to take off and that no one warned him about.

Later he will probably hex Sirius when he teases him about it, but right now he just sits next to Lily on her hospital bed, and she beams at him despite her tiredness.

‘We did it’, she whispers, sounding amazed, and James understands the feeling. They are in their forties, they lived through two wars, they raised a magnificent young man and here they are holding their second child, a tiny baby who seems unbelievably perfect in every sense.

One minute, James thinks. Let us enjoy this one minute, just a little.

When the minute is over, he returns the sleeping Mia to Lily’s arms and goes to open the door. Harry is pacing in front of the door, looking agitated as James felt all during the labour, even though he never left Lily’s side.

‘So? Can I see my sister now?’

‘And my goddaughter?’, Sirius pops in, grinning. James laughs.

‘It’s Remus’ goddaughter, and, yes, you can come in. She is sleeping’.

They get around the bed, with Sirius hugging Lily and declaring her the most amazing woman in the world (‘Are you drunk, Padfoot?’ ‘Yes, I was nervous! ‘You won’t hold Mia until you are sober’), and with Harry touching the thin strands of dark hair on his sister’s head, looking at her as if it’s the most precious thing he has ever seen.

James thinks he was wrong about that selfish minute he spent alone with Lily and Mia. Seeing Harry and Sirius cooing about the baby, he realizes this is the kind of one minute he wishes to have more in his life.

‘Do you want to hold her?’, Lily offers, and Harry nods, unable to look away. He sits on the chair right beside the bed and James helps him hold his sister. She wakes up, crying, and for a moment Harry seems to be in panic until he raises and swings her softly, just like he used to do with his godson.

‘Hi, Mia’, Harry whispers. ‘That’s ok. There, there. I’m your big brother, you see? I’m here for you’.

There is a soothingly effect on Harry’s voice and after a few minutes, Mia seems to relax indeed, her crying turning into a sob that seems to be more because of the unfamiliar world she is now in than anything else.

‘She has your eyes, Dad’, Harry says, smiling. James looks back at his daughter and, more than the hazel colour that looks a lot like his, he sees the way she seems to be curious about her surroundings as if she wants to see all the world has to offer.

Mia has indeed his eyes.

____________________

Mia is three when Ginny calls her and Mia comes with an expression of guilt that tells James she has done something she shouldn’t. That doesn’t really surprise him. He saw his daughter running with Teddy and Victoire and whenever those three are together, something always seems to happen.

Most of the time involving some kind of petty mischief that gives James very much hope for his daughter.

‘It was not my fault’, Mia declares, looking sheepish. 

‘I am sure it was Teddy’s’, Harry says, sharing a grin with James, because whenever they are discovered, Teddy always declares himself to be the guilty one, even though James can see exactly when it was Victoire (with her exuberant ideas) or Mia (with her direct-to-the-point ideas), clearly feeling it’s his role as the older of them.

‘It’s okay, Mia’, Ginny assures her tenderly, offering her arms and Mia doesn’t hesitate to go sit on her lap.

Mia loves her parents, adores Harry but it’s Ginny that she worships. Like with the broomstick: Mia learnt to fly at one like Harry, who gave her her first broom, but it was just last summer when they took her to watch a Quidditch game, where Ginny had scored sixteen goals that Mia had declared she wanted to be a Chaser when she grew up.

James had shaken his head in fake dismay at the fact his daughter had not been impressed with his Quidditch skills, but he didn't really mind: any reason he could to spend afternoons flying with her was good for him.

'We have something to tell you', Ginny says under Mia's concentrated look. Lily exchanges a smile with James; they already know, but hearing it again just makes them happier than words could describe. 'You are going to be an aunt'.

She blinks.

'Like you are?'

Ginny smiles.

'Do you know what an aunt is?'

'I know that Vic calls you Aunt, but Teddy calls you Ginny'.

'Well, I am Vic's aunt because Vic's father is my brother'.

'Like Harry is my brother'.

'Yes, so you are going to be an aunt because Harry will have a son or daughter'.

'Oh!' she looks at his brother, clasping her hands. 'With whom?'

'With me', Ginny explains while everyone laughs. 'Harry and I will have a baby'.

'Oh. Like Aunt Fleur had Dominique?'

'Exactly'.

'I like babies', Mia declares. 'Where is the baby? I want to meet him!'

'In a few months. He or she is still… not ready'.

'Oh'. Mia seems upset, then she shrugs. 'Can I play outside until then?'

Ginny laughs and places a kiss on Mia's cheek.

'Sure. We will call you when it's ready'.

'Mia', Lily calls, sounding amused. 'Do you know how Harry takes care of you?'. Mia nods. 'That's what an aunt does too'.

'Can I take the baby to the park too?'

'When he is older', James assures her. Mia smiles, her hazel eyes sparkling.

‘I will be the best aunt ever’, she declares, and then she is running outside (Mia can’t walk - she only knows how to run), back to Teddy and Victoire.

James watches her through the window, talking excitedly to them, probably telling them all about her news.

'I think you will have a handful with them in the future'.

'Me?', Harry laughs. 'If McGonagall doesn't retire by the time your child and grandchild are both in Hogwarts, I will be surprised'.

______________________

Mia’s name came from @blitheringmcgonagall cute amazing stories of Mia and Monty Potter, and the final scene is some sort of answer to @dear-james​ ‘s prompt of James and Lily knowing about James Sirius (to be properly answered some day, I hope!)

[makethosenarratorsfight]

UNRELIABLE NARRATORS; SIDE B

Hamlet Propaganda:

Have you seen the man. Is he clinically insane or just putting on an antic disposition. Is the ghost real

Kim Dokja Propaganda:

I haven't read orv but he's fucking gotta be from what I've osmosised

He tries to remove his emotions out of the narrative soooo much, literally the most repressed guy ever. Okay so for context orv is about how this guy, Kim Dokja, has been the only reader of an obscure post-apocalyptic webnovel for years and the novel suddenly becomes reality. And at first you'll probably get the weird impression that his behavior is pretty strange for, you know, a literal apocalypse happening in his world - like yes, he is concerned with survival but he doesn't seem all that scared and he kinda treats it like a video game where he has to grind to make himself stronger and he also treats his companions like a party in an rpg. Then there's also the way he approaches the protagonist of the webnovel, from the start he just kind of describes him as a ruthless psychopath and jerk that is unfortunately a pretty useful ally. And also there's the fact that he carefully omits any mention of his past and when somebody asks if he's worried about his family when the apocalypse starts he just kinda... brushes it off? Anyway so yeah, this bastard is definitely traumatized, although I don't know how much of spoiler territory that would be, considering the fact that literally when he first reveals his trauma he's also unreliable about it. And turns out he does indeed, care A LOT about this world and the people around him. Because well, he kinda didn't care to mention that this webnovel that has become reality was like... literally his whole world before it literally became his whole world. Like, it was the only thing keeping him going for 10+ years and the protagonist that he likes to call a stupid jerk was his comfort character who he pretended to be when he felt like he couldn't handle something in his life by being himself. The protagonist is also canonically the person he loves the most according to a prophecy and he literally can't fathom the thought of him dying, even the timeline versions of him that directly oppose him. And I haven't even mentioned the Fourth Wall yet but I feel like this propaganda is a little long already

misreading the intentions of his companion (yoo joonghyuk) so many time.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTANDDD DOKJA IS SUCH A UNRELIABLE NARRATORRRRRR GOD I COULD WRITE AN ESSAY BUT I KNOW YOU LOVE DOKJA TOO BUT OMG HE'S JUST SO AAAAAAAAAAAH

Rest of Propaganda under cut!

he is the worst like actually. he starts the story talking about how normal and average he is. he is not. he is constantly mischaracterizing his friends and he's so good at lying to the readers that you don't even realize it at first. almost every single time he cries we have to be told by other characters because he never says it himself. there is literally a scene where his narration says "i wasn't crying" and then the in-universe entity that narrates the actions of people (orv is really weird and meta) says that he was, in fact, crying. honestly genuinely anything he says about himself (or doesn't say) cannot be trusted. he is just so frustrating. he drives me mad. i love him dearly. but he drives me so mad.

Dictionary definition of unreliable narrator. Does not tell the reader anything and then things happen and he's like oh yeah btw there was also this and this earlier but i just didn't feel like mentioning it. There's even a thing called the "Fourth Wall" that is able to see through kdj's bs so occasionally you get gems like,

Kim Dokja: I didn't cry

The Fourth Wall: [Kim Dokja was crying]

Imagine being so unreliable as a narrator you need a more powerful narrator to call out the actual narrator.

^ same submission, just spacing it out

This goes into spoiler territory, but; Kim Dokja is in possession of a skill called the Fourth Wall, which on the surface seems like it appears because he read the book that reverse-isekai’d into his own. However, as the story goes on it becomes clear that it’s pretty much a souped up version of his pre-existing dissociation. You cannot trust him to be honest about his feelings, his past traumas or his feelings about his past traumas, not to mention his tendency to just outright omit information that only gets revealed later on either when it becomes relevant or when an outsider POV reveals what’s actually happening.

Exhibit A: he says (in 1st person POV) that he’s not crying. The Fourth Wall immediately contradicts this (as it is literally words of the novel) by saying (in 3rd person POV) ‘Kim Dokja was crying’.

Exhibit B: Fails to mention entire actions when it shows him emotionally honest even in the slightest; we had to read from another character entirely when Kim Dokja was being physically affectionate with his companion. It’s so bad that there’s this entire paragraph about Kim Dokja describing himself hiding his eyes in his hands in jerky, weirdly specific detail and just AVOIDING EVERY WORD THAT MIGHT SHOW HE’S CRYING. The brilliance of ORV is that when you re-read the entire thing you get hints that ‘yes, this WAS hinted at the entire time’ but you have to dig it out of Kim Dokja’s repressed, depressed self-hating internal dialogue with your own two hands.

^ same submission, spacing it out (i really should've done this earlier.)

i am a simple man (not a man). i see a tumblr text post with the words “unreliable narrator in it”. i read nothing else. i reblog & tag #kim dokja okay but in all seriousness i’m just going with the musty basic example: so there’s this moment where he sacrifices himself to save this guy. as he lays on the ground bleeding out, he says “hey, you don’t like me, right? you should kill me to get some money” the guy says “no kim dokja i cant do that (going through the five stages of grief except there’s only one and it’s anger)” the constellations (twitch viewers irl) are like omg he (the guy) doesn’t want to kill his companion (kim dokja) and shower him (the guy) with money kim dokja: oh, he’s not killing me for the money. smart!

as i quote a brilliant youtube video (all of omniscient reader’s viewpoint in 6 minutes) “yoo joonghyuk sees kim dokja as a c_____”

yoo joonghyuk: companion

kim dokja: cunt

^ same submission, once again. spacing it out.

Hides his true feelings, tells the readers what he thinks is convenient for the plot and that his own personal feelings don’t matter or are not so significant. Has unreliable thoughts abt his companion and is a liar. And is also an omniscient reader.

Kim Dokja always perceived his companions in this like nonchalant way like “oh yeah we get along but really we’re just fighting to survive (apocalypse setting) it doesn’t run that deep” when they all do genuinely care for him and he does in turn. He just, doesn’t think of it as an equal relationship? Dokja’ll sacrifice a lot for them but will get seriously flabbergasted if they do the same thing, so fricking problematic. Not to mention Yoo Joonghyuk, his “Life and Death Companion” (read: husband). Kim Dokja always seems to think that Joonghyuk has it out for him, which is kinda true, but he is literally blind to the fact that he’s attached to him. Like, it’s so obvious??? Also they have hella sexual tension but that’s another thing entirely

se get some many pov changes where kdj in his pov just assumed things based on what he knew the characters would do. however because of his interference the characters have changed and he wouldn’t know that if it hit him in the face

He's an unreliable narrator because he lies to himself and thus the audience. He literally rewrote his own childhood core memory. If someone says, "this guy is my friend!" He will go through so many hoola hoops in his mind just to rationalize it. Because he fundamentally believe that no one could love him and even if they did they couldn't know him and he's just gonna hurt them. He cries sometimes in canon but a lot of those times it's not even mentioned as crying he's that unreliable of a narrator. No joke, one time this guys he has a gay thing with called him his "companion" to someone who had just killed him (long story) and this bitch thought "oh wow he's doing it for the coins (another long story) he's so smart i wish I'd thought to that. He's terrible. He literally has an exchange with something called the Fourth Wall (an even longer story) where it said "you're crying" and he said "no I'm not" but he was crying. He makes me insane because the reader is supposed to project onto him. He made me see how much of an unreliable narrator I WAS. ORV is just like that tho.

[trans-cuchulainn]

What are the major details that confused you about the Hound blurb? The major one that stood put to me was the "way of the farmer opposed to the sword" thing which felt very...un-Cú Chulainn. Also, if you don't mind expanding further, which details didn't you question/be confused by?

and also for anon:

okay so it is like. 2am so there are not going to be any sources here but i can't sleep so here goes!! i will go through this blurb line by line and give youse my thoughts

In 50 BCE,

reasonable. this is roughly the right time period for when the ulster cycle is set. maybe marginally earlier than i'd place cú chulainn, but i'm talking a few years, nothing to get worked up about.

Morrigan, the goddess of war,

fine. normally i'm wary of pantheonising impulses with regard to irish characters (almost none of them can be identified as a god of anything in particular, it doesn't work like that) but tbh the morrigan is like, the most plausible exception to that, so whatever. normally her name has the definite article attached to it because it's kind of a species term as well but whatevs.

has become restless as a long-lasting peace settles over Ireland.

dubious. closest i can think of to peace being reference in any texts is togail bruidne da derga talking about conaire mor's reign being like, prosperous and peaceful and whatever, and even there you've got díberg (plundering/reaving) which is what eventually fucks him over and starts the otherworldly hell spiral situation. that's roughly the right period here but conaire's doom proves you don't have to do much to nudge peace into war, and connacht and ulster are at each other's throats for years before cú chulainn comes on the scene anyway

Deciding the time of peace must end, she chooses Setanta, the nephew of the king of the north, to become her ward.

hmm. i mean. like, this isn't the WEIRDEST choice they could have made. it's still completely made-up, don't get me wrong -- cú chulainn has a lot of different foster parents in different texts and they don't agree with each other but none of them ever mentions the morrígan. but like, they do have a connection of some sort, as evidenced by their conversations. and there's that one moment in the r1 boyhood deeds where little cú chulainn is out on the battlefield and hears her (not sure which name is used here) calling out to him and it like. motivates him to do some deeds or whatever, and i guess you could extrapolate that into some kind of teaching capacity.

so like. could be weirder. if you're gonna pick anyone, you could do worse. still seems weird to me! but not on its own a major issue, i could get past this and consider it a Fun But Unorthodox Creative Decision

(the fact that she tries to seduce him in the táin probably wouldn't get in the way of this considering sleeping with his teachers/foster-mothers is far from unheard of where cú chulainn is concerned)

After a young Setanta slays the demon-hound of Cullan, he becomes known as Cú Cullan—The Hound of Cullan.

weird spelling choices, they could have at least bothered to use the genitive properly. also the hound isn't a demon, it's a ferocious watchdog -- making it sound all Otherworldly and Hellish like this kinda confuses the issue of why he would need to take its place. he needs to take its place because the cattle and people still need protecting because it is a watchdog!! but whatevs, again, it's a brief summary so they can't exactly give us all the details and this is not actively objectionable

As Cú Cullan grows older, it is apparent that an extraordinary power lies within him … and a great darkness.

ugh boring. this makes it sound like he's going to be ~tortured~ and angsty about it. give me an unapologetic murder teen please. is the ríastrad dark? sure i guess, if you're going to be boring about it. it's more like, grotesque neon in my head

When he chooses the quiet life of a farmer over the sword,

this would fucking never happen on like five different levels. obviously like anyone who has ever read anything about cú chulainn can see that this is not in his nature. he is never going to choose a quiet life. this is the kid who tricked his way into taking arms before everyone thought he was ready. also juxtaposed with the "darkness" comment makes it sound like he would Angst his way into this quiet life which. again. have you seen this kid. he is an unapologetic murder teen

the only thing i can think of that might make him temporarily want to walk away is connla's death which... depends where you position that in the timeline really, he does seem a bit fucked up by it and maybe he'd want a holiday although i can see that lasting precisely 5 minutes before someone pissed him off enough for him to murder them. but if he's being raised by the morrígan i can't see him going to train with scáthach so then he'd never meet aífe and therefore connla would never be born so that wouldn't happen. so like. whatever.

but also like. he would not become a farmer. he just wouldn't! it doesn't work! the ireland of the stories is super hierarchical, right? and this blurb has already fucking told us that he's the king's nephew (canon) so we can tell that being a farmer is Not His Place. when we see upper class figures becoming menial labourers in texts, like in cath maige tuired, it's because Things Are Fucked, Shit's Gone Wrong. people don't just decide to change their entire social class on a whim lmfao

if cú chulainn really wanted to turn his back on being a warrior he could probably make recourse to certain other Suitable Professions ... his grandad's a druid so he might have a route into that, though his dad's not so that might fuck things up a bit bc it's one of those things that's usually inherited. he does give "wisdom" in at least one text though and we also know he can write (he carves riddles in ogham in the táin) and he composes verses on various occasions so idk, maybe something in a poetic direction, though again, usually requires two generations of inheritance to be a real poet and not just a lower-class bard. warrior's kinda the main thing he's got open to him tbh. but farming? i'm not a legal expert but as far as i'm aware based on what i have read, that would fuck shit up

more likely an upset cú chulainn would just go off in search of an adventure somewhere conveniently far away until he'd calmed down (alba, or the tyrrhenian sea, or -- if we're going to get early modern about it -- somewhere like india, which frequently gets thrown into the texts with absolutely no cultural context and it's always hilarious)

Morrigan, angry at the betrayal,

of the entire social order, yes,

instigates an invasion of his homeland

i mean. if they intend this to be the táin then.... táin bó regamna does kinda make the morrígan responsible for it? not in the sense of triggering the pillow talk argument that it's in the book of leinster -- it's her getting up to her usual cow-nicking behaviours for shits and giggles. [note to readers: it is probably for more than shits and giggles but did i mention it's 2am]

but all in all, not particularly out of character that she would be at least some way responsible for this so i can vibe with this. echtra nerai also supports the TBR explanation with her fucking around with otherworldly cows and pissing people off so, yeah, whatever. the morrígan engineered this. sure.

and Cú Cullan must challenge fate itself

this is probably a controversial stance but fate feels like a difficult concept to apply to medieval irish texts. like are people sometimes Doomed? yes. there are prophecies, there are gessi, there's all manner of otherworldly fuckery that can trip you up. is that the same thing as fate? no idea. considering cú chulainn comes out alive from the táin though and his doom prophecies don't catch up to him for like, at least another decade, maybe 16 years depending on who you listen to, hard to see how that would apply here

to keep the goddess at bay.

again like she IS causing fuckery in the táin but also it's like... one time. really not the main character. but she or maybe just some crows, hard to say, do get implicated in the death tale so maybe they're doing what people often do and conflating the two? even though there's like 10-16 years in between them?

anyway as you can see i don’t think it’s wholly terrible / i’m not completely thinkshaming it. like, having cú chulainn raised by the morrígan is unorthodox but it could be a fun and creative direction so i don't object to it. making cú chulainn get sad about murder and choose to be a farmer is just fucking laughable tho, and makes me doubt their characterisations in general. so that's offputting and would probably make me think twice about buying it, if that had ever been on the cards.*

and of course sure, their cú chulainn can be a Sad Boy Who Likes Sheep, but that means he's not the cú chulainn of medieval irish lit / irish myth, because that cú chulainn is a feral murder teen who keeps killing his friends and also is way too high social status to ever be a farmer, and whose only relationship to livestock is as the watchdog who kills anyone trying to harm them (which is an important role on a farm! but like. not the same thing as Being A Farmer. mostly because it involves more murder and is essentially just an extension of his role as a warrior. or rather the other way around. he promises to protect mag muirthemne as a watchdog and this like. gets extended into him becoming its sole defender)

this has been my analysis of this blurb i hope you enjoyed it

it's now 2.30am i should try and sleep now that i've exorcised a few thoughts from my head

*as i mentioned in the tags of my other post, i don't tend to read graphic novels due to disability stuff. they're much harder for me to understand and follow than prose, to the point where some are incomprehensible, so i don't really enjoy them. there are a few i've read, but they tend to be short ones, and i'm usually not reading them in order, just admiring the art separately from the text. so it's unlikely i would read a graphic novel of this size anyway.

[kasienda]

The Five Minute Adventures of Snake Noir: Ch 5 - Unwanted Revelations

Chapter 1: I Want It To Be You

Chapter 2: Best Friends

Chapter 3: Best Laid Plans

Chapter 4: A Thank You

Chapter 5: Unwanted Revelations

“You okay, dude?” Nino asked. They were sitting on his bed, watching an anime, but Adrien had no idea what was happening in the current episode. 

Adrien’s head shot up from where his cheek had been pressed into his propped up knee.

“Yeah, of course,” Adrien said. “Why wouldn’t I be?” 

Nino frowned, and paused the show. “You’ve just been quiet tonight. 

“I’m just tired,” Adrien said, which was mostly true. “The photo shoot this morning went seven ways to hell after it was disrupted by that akuma.” 

“That akuma sucked!” Nino said.

Adrien nodded in agreement. It had taken Ladybug, Chat Noir, and five temp heroes (Carapace included) hours to deal with. “And once it was cleared up, father insisted the shoot continue even though we had already lost our lighting. Then afterwards he lectured me for an hour about not being professional enough because none of the shots came out to his satisfaction.”

Adrien trailed off, noticing that Nino had his lips pressed tightly closed. 

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Adrien said. 

Which had been the wrong thing to say. Adrien knew it as soon as the words left his mouth. 

“Not that big a deal?!” Nino repeated. “Dude, he runs you ragged, doesn’t let you have any fun, puts you in situations where it is literally impossible to succeed, and then he yells at you when you fail.”

“He doesn’t yell,” Adrien defended.

“I don’t know why you defend him!”

Adrien shrugged. “He’s my father.” 

“Is he? Seems more like he’s your boss.” 

Adrien sagged on the floor, and Nino wilted a second later. 

“I’m sorry, dude. I don’t mean to make you feel worse. He just… makes me so angry!”

Adrien smiled then. “It feels good to have you on my side.” 

“How would you feel about me borrowing the Snake?” Nino asked, casually. 

Read on Ao3

Adrien started, sitting up straight. “What?!” 

“I mean, I just want to punch him in the face. Just once, dude, I swear. But I’d prefer not to get thrown in jail with my future career destroyed because your old man is vengeful.” 

Adrien burst out laughing. “I’d pay to see it actually.” 

Nino smiled and bumped his shoulder into Adrien’s. Adrien’s laughter died down, but his smile remained. 

But Nino looked solemn. Adrien frowned and leaned forward. “Are you okay?”

Nino smiled. “Yeah, I was just thinking. Have you ever thought about using the Snake to confront your father?”

“No,” Adrien admitted. “I am trying not to use it for selfish reasons.”

Nino rolled his eyes.

“What would I even say to him?” Adrien cleared his throat. “Hello Father! I bend over backwards to meet your expectations, but they’re impossible to reach. I want you to show me the same respect you expect me to show you.” Adrien shook his head. “What would be the point? He won’t remember, so nothing will change.”

Nino stared at a Jagged Stone poster across the room. “I just… wonder sometimes if he even knows how much he’s hurt you. Confronting him might tell you that.” 

Adrien was silent for a long time. 

“Dri?” 

Adrien looked up at Nino’s concerned gaze, and then turned away again. “I just…” Adrien said. “What if the answer is he does know? And… doesn’t care?”

Nino wrapped him in a hug at that moment, and Adrien let his cheek fall onto Nino’s shoulder. 

It had been easy to visit Nino and Marinette with the Snake Miraculous. Adrien knew that they cared about him. In fact, he had known they had cared about him on both sides of his mask. If anything, he had underestimated how much affection and love they held for him. So he hadn’t been afraid of anything that might come out in a conversation with them that they couldn’t remember. He knew he’d still hold them in the highest regard. 

But with his father, if he learned something he didn’t like - that his father didn’t care about him, rather than was just abrasive and uncomfortable with feelings and affection - Adrien didn’t know if he would be able to keep up the song and dance routine required to keep his father happy. Adrien wanted to keep what little freedoms he had managed to squirrel away. He couldn’t stand it if they were taken away. He was terrified he wouldn’t survive it.

On some days, he knew he was too close to not almost wanting to survive it. 

It was too easy to throw himself in front of an akuma’s blast, too easy to picture his own bubbling cataclysm floating towards his chest without concern.

But things had gotten better, were continuing to get better. Thanks to Nino mostly, and to Ladybug, too. 

“Have you ever used the snake with anyone besides me?” Nino asked, interrupting Adrien’s thoughts.

Adrien didn’t want to mention Marinette. He knew Marinette wouldn’t have minded, and Nino would have listened without judgement. But it felt weird to tell Nino something about Marinette that she herself didn’t remember.

“Ladybug picked me to use the snake against Desperada,” he confided instead.  

“You’re Viperion, too?!”

Adrien winced. “No, I was Aspik, but… it didn’t go well, and I eventually gave it up, and she selected someone else to be the snake. That person is Viperion.” 

Nino looked at him suspiciously. “How long did you stay in the loop before you gave up?” 

Adrien rubbed the back of his neck. “Umm… like three months?” 

Nino bolted to his feet. “Months?! Dude! You need to stop torturing yourself!” 

“I just… wanted to impress her as myself. She’s already said no to Chat Noir. I was hoping… that being Adrien was a…” 

“Second chance?” Nino filled in sarcastically. 

Adrien grinned. “Exactly! But… she needed a temp hero in the first place because the two of us weren’t enough. So… I had to give it back, and tell her to find someone else. I feared that Adrien was only a disappointment to her.” 

“You tried for months! What more could she ask of you than that?” Nino pursed his lips. “Like how many loops is that?”

“25,912.” 

Nino’s eyes widened, and he just stared at him until Adrien had to look away. 

“Didn’t you lose count?” 

Adrien shook his head. “The snake doesn’t let you forget the number. You know every time what loop you’re on.”

Nino was really solemn after that. “I think that power is the scariest of them all,” he said quietly. 

“Scarier than the power of destruction?” Adrien teased, trying to lighten the mood again. 

“Yes,” Nino said seriously, not taking the hint.

Adrien sighed. “What was the hardest akuma for you as Carapace?” 

“As Carapace?! I was fighting Anansi as Nino while you were caught in some spider web! That was terrifying.” 

“You were a natural with the baton,” Adrien said. 

Nino ducked his head down - trying to hide a blush.

“I was really threatened by it at the time,” Adrien admitted. 

Nino’s gaze snapped back up. “Threatened?! By me?”

“I… It felt like Ladybug was trying to replace me.” 

Nino shook his head. “She was trying to save you, dude!”

“It kinda feels like she’s trying to replace me now, too.” 

Nino frowned. “What do you mean?” 

“She told someone else her identity. And yeah, she explained why she couldn’t tell me so it’s easier to accept now. But Nino, I’ve been sidelined so many times recently. Rena Rouge removed me from the battlefield when Style Queen attacked. I was so far away that by the time I got back…” he trailed off, his brain spiraling rapidly.

“Dude?” 

“Rena Rouge told me not to interfere with SentiBubbler, too.”

“I’m sure she didn’t mean to push you aside like that. Alya loves you both as heroes. You should hear her fangirl about working with both of you.” 

But Adrien wasn’t hearing Nino anymore. Rena Rouge knew a lot - more than any of the other temp heroes. She had made plans with Ladybug before Ladybug had even shown up. 

Rena Rouge was the one that knew Ladybug’s identity. 

But Rena Rouge was Alya.

Ladybug had said she told her best friend in her civilian life.

That meant… 

Adrien couldn’t breathe. 

“Adrien? What’s wrong?” Nino asked, urgently.

But Adrien couldn’t answer. All he felt was horror and dread writhing sickenly in his gut. This was knowledge he wasn’t supposed to know. 

He was the one person that wasn’t supposed to know.

But it fit and he couldn’t unknow it. Marinette had… she had burst into tears upon learning his identity just like Ladybug. She had ranted and railed in anger that Ladybug hadn’t realized how hurt her partner had been by her actions. She hadn’t been angry with Ladybug - she had been angry with herself. And then, she had erased her own memory when he had hesitated because they weren’t supposed to know. 

He was going to throw up. 

“Dude! Talk to me!” Nino begged, tapping either one of Adrien’s cheeks.

Adrien turned toward his friend, but his eyes looked past him, remaining unfocused. 

“Plagg! Sass! Help!” Nino called.

The kwamis flew into his line of sight, and conversed together briefly. Adrien heard none of it.  

His body was trembling - shaking so hard it was amazing he hadn’t fallen off the edge of Nino’s bed. Though that might have had to do with the hand clamped painfully onto his shoulder bracing him from tipping over. Hot tears fell from his cheeks and his chest burned. He clawed for air that refused to come.

“Kid,” Plagg called. “Slow down. You’re okay. Nothing’s happened yet.”

“I-I’m n-n-not supposed t-t-to know,” Adrien managed to get out between the body quakes. He had always wanted to know. And Marinette, she was amazing! She always had been. He wanted to be ecstatic at the revelation. “I don’t w-w-w-want to destroy the world.”

Ladybug had said the moon was in pieces.

“And if you get akumatized right now over it, it will be a self fulfilling prophecy!” Plagg snapped. “Now breathe properly already!” 

“Dude!” Nino chastised. “That’s not how you calm someone down during a panic attack.”

“I’d like to see you do better,” Plagg challenged.

But Nino was already ignoring the kwami. “Dri, breathe in with me.” And then he slowly and dramatically breathed in. 

Adrien tried to follow suit. Really, he did. He took in a slow deep breath, but then his throat would lodge close again, and he’d start gasping again. His chest spasmed painfully. 

“Can you reset the last five minutes?” Nino asked Sass. 

The kwami shook his head. “It’s very dangerous for me to use my power without a holder to limit them. It's not worth the cost,” Sass informed. “He already knew everything needed to put it together. He just hadn’t thought about it. We can reset… maybe… without destroying the timeline completely, but he’ll just figure it out again probably within a few days. Plagg and I knew it was only a matter of time.”

“Some warning would have been nice!” Adrien shrieked, his anger cutting through the shaking, but only for a second. 

“Look kid, we don’t know that this is the end of the world. And honestly, it probably isn’t!” 

Adrien’s green eyes locked onto the floating kwami. “What do you mean?” 

Plagg turned to Sass. “You explain it.” 

“My power works differently than Fluff’sss, but from my understanding, the end of the world probably had very little to do with you knowing each other's identities. It was more like that it was an event that was easy to change to prevent a certain series of events. It wasn’t necessarily that you couldn’t know one another. Just that you couldn't know that day.”

“Why didn’t you say any of this before?” Adrien gasped out. He was still struggling to keep his breathing slow. 

Sass shrugged. “Because we don’t know for certain what happened, and anything short of a guarantee wouldn’t have been enough for Ladybug.” 

“Look!” Plagg interjected. “If things truly go to absolute hell and back, Fluff’s holder will most likely show up to fix things again, and since she’s not already here, we’re likely fine.”

The tension in Adrien’s chest broke, and the rest of his body slumped. Luckily, Nino was there to catch him. Adrien clung to his shoulder even as he tried to face the kwamis. As always, Nino was a rock. If he was phased at all, Nino wasn’t showing it. 

Adrien was dripping with sweat, his blond hair was plastered to the sides of his face. He could breathe now, and breathe heavily he did, still leaning heavily on Nino. 

“So, what do we do?” Adrien asked.

Plagg shrugged. “Use the snake to tell Ladybug you figured her out. Then come up with a plan together. She’s a crafty one. She’ll have ideas.”

Sass nodded. “Most likely, she will know more than she’s told you, Chat Noir. She may have a better idea of what needs to be avoided.”

Adrien nodded. “Okay, okay. We can do this.” He turned to Nino. “Help me stand?”

Nino held out his arms, and Adrien hauled himself to his feet with Nino’s support. 

“I’m sorry to cut our illicit slumber party short,” Adrien said. 

Nino shook his head. “No worries, dude. Fate of the world stuff obviously should come first. But… umm… are you going to be okay running over rooftops? No offense, but… you look like shit.” 

“Plagg, claws out,” Adrien called. As the transformation washed over him, Adrien could stand up straight, breathe easier. He sighed in relief. “With the transformation, I’m okay.”

“Can you let me know when you get somewhere safe and outside a time loop, dude?” 

Adrien smiled. “Yeah, sure.” Adrien pulled his baton from his back. “And Nino?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for being here. Thank you for not asking questions.”

Nino smiled. “Of course, dude. Anytime.” 

… 

Marinette wasn’t on her balcony, but her light was on. He couldn’t handle waiting so he sent Sass through the window. She was up on the roof less than a minute later. 

“Chaton? What’s wrong?” 

He transformed with the snake and activated second chance immediately, and then fell heavily onto the only chair on her balcony.

“You shouldn’t have let me keep the snake,” he began without preamble. 

“What are you talking about?” she demanded, but her eyes were wide. 

“We don’t have time for you to try to misdirect me. It’s too late, m’lady.” 

She wilted. “How? Did you try to figure it out?”

He shook his head. “No. I just…” His fingers tried to tear through his hair, only to find the suit draped over his skull. “You told me to tell someone. So I did. I told my best friend. Only he turned out to be a temp hero. He slipped. He thought I knew who he was when Chat Noir showed up in his room. It’s not his fault.” 

“Breathe, kitty.” 

He took in a shuddering breath, but he was still shaky. The panic was starting to grip him again, and he was trying to keep it from exploding, but he knew he was slowly losing the battle. 

She crouched down in front of him and held his hands. 

And he barreled forward in the story. “Then because I knew his identity, I later realized who Rena Rouge was. And I know that you never told me that she was the one that you revealed your identity to, but… she just… knows too much. And I know who Alya’s best friend is. I swear I never meant to figure it out!”

And he couldn’t breathe. “I can’t… m’lady, please. I’m so scared.” He broke off as the sobs overtook him again. 

She held him, stroked his head and neck with calming hands, and whispered nonsensical soothing sounds into his ears. He leaned into her comfort, into her warmth, fighting to collect himself. He needed to get enough out so she could tell him what to do. How to fix this. Because he didn’t want to be akumatized and he didn't want the world to end. Especially not by his hand.

“Tell me what to do,” he sobbed.

“Who’s your best friend?” she asked. 

“Nino.” 

He felt her sharp intake of breath.

“Please don’t start crying,” he begged. “You always cry when I tell you.”

“It’s too late, Adrien,” she whispered. And when he looked up her eyes were already filled with tears.

“Please tell me you have an idea,” he begged. 

She took up his hands and squeezed them tight as she kneeled in front of him again. “You’re not going to like it.” 

He snorted through his tears. “That’s a given.”

“You’re going to go back and you’re going to pretend you don’t know.”

He sucked in another breath and he closed his eyes against her words. “How do you expect me to do that?”

“You’re clearly a very good actor,” she said gently.

And he crumpled in on himself at her words. His head fell into their joined hands as his body shook in an emotional earthquake.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, continuing to stroke his head. “I wish it was different. I wish I wasn’t placing this burden solely on you. That I wasn’t asking you to put on mask after mask. You shouldn’t have to.” 

“I just… why, do you need me to pretend? How does that help us?” 

“Nothing can change between Ladybug and Chat Noir.”

He felt himself nod though he wasn’t sure if he could ever pull that off. He felt like his whole world had been thrown out of orbit.

“And nothing can change between Adrien and his very good friend, Marinette. You understand?” 

And suddenly, he did.

“We can’t date,” he concluded.

She nodded. “We can’t date. Knowing who you are… it’s clear to me that it wasn’t the reveal that was the problem. It was that our reveal led to us dating.” 

“Wh-What? What does that have to do with anything?” He asked.

“We can’t date. You have to pretend like you don’t know. Can you do that for me, kitty? Can you wait until Hawkmoth has been defeated?”

“I uh… wait?” 

“I love you,” she confessed. 

And he stared at her in shock. She loved him? 

“And you love me. But our love… it destroys the world.” 

Her words hit him like a never ending monsoon. He felt thrown about, twisted up, and torn into pieces all at once.

“What?” he hissed.

“That’s what Chat Blanc told me. I didn’t know you were Adrien. Adrien was the person who learned my identity that day, but it was Chat Noir who knew. And Chat Blanc… he said it was our love.” 

He shook his head even as he cried. “No, no, Mari, I refuse to believe it.” 

“I still have nightmares of the place. Of you alone, and half insane.” Her hands cradled either side of his face. 

He kissed the palm of one of her hands. 

“Mari, please,” he begged. “Don’t make me pretend with you.” 

She kissed him. Hard. He felt dizzy. 

She pulled away and smiled. “Figure I owe you a kiss that you will remember.” 

Then the world blurred around him. God damn her! This was how she knew how the snake worked in the first place, knew how to activate it when she had him distracted. She was the fucking guardian. 

He was standing again. He collapsed into the chair again and just continued to cry.

“Chaton? What the hell happened? Why are you always crying on the other side of one of your loops? How awful am I to you?”

His arms snaked around her midriff, and he pulled her against him. And just sobbed into her stomach.

“You’re not awful, Mari. You’re amazing.” 

And he loved her. 

Her fingers ran over his head and cat ears, causing them to flick back and forth.

He spent the whole loop crying, and the next one after that. But he recovered faster than he did with Nino that first night with the snake. It only took four loops before he got ahold of himself. Maybe he was  getting better at coping with world-ending fear and grief. Or maybe it’s because his lady is just a little bit more soothing to him, as awesome as his best friend was. 

Now, he just felt numb.

And exhausted. 

“How many loops have you been through?” she asked softly.

“Five” 

“What can I do?” she asked.

“M’lady, you’re already doing it.” 

She stiffened at the endearment. He holds her to him harder. “I know have to pretend that nothing has changed. I have to wear a mask around you all the time. Every moment of every day as Chat Noir and every day as Adrien, and I know that I’ll get really good at it. It’s something I’ve done a million times before. But let me have an extra loop or two okay?” 

He can feel her shaking as suddenly she’s crying too.

“I just… I’m scared,” he confessed. “I don’t know how long we’ll have to do this. I don’t know if I’ll remember how to take the walls down when it’s over. Will I even know who I am?” He squeezed her tighter. “And… I don’t know if you’ll wait for me without knowing,” he whispered.

She was caressing the sides of his face in gentle soothing strokes. Tears streamed from her eyes. 

“You’re so amazing!” she told him. “So resilient, and so much stronger than me.”

He barked a broken laugh that held no humor. “You’re wrong. I’m so broken. I’ve been so tempted so many times to just break the loop and let you remember.” 

“But you haven’t.” 

“You’re usually the one that resets it once everything comes out.” 

She kneels down at eye level with him. “You’re my strength, Chaton. My ability to reset the loop is to keep you safe. And no one else. I love you so much.” 

“I love you, too, m’lady.” 

She moved forward to kiss him and he pulled back. She frowned. 

“Please don’t,” he begged. 

“Why not?” 

“Because there’s already too many kisses that we can’t remember. I want us both to remember them.”

“Chaton, if you feel that way strongly, I can respect it. But if you’re afraid of forgetting what it feels like to be yourself, I want you to feel it, to remember it every single day. You should always know what it means to not have to wear masks. What it means to be loved.” 

“Every single day?” he repeated. 

She nodded firmly. “Every single day.”

“What about not abusing the miraculous?” 

“Abuse it,” she said. “I don’t care. You’re more important.”

He was speechless. 

So when she leaned in again, he let his eyes fall closed. Let her press her lips gently against his own. His whole body melted into the contact like butter. He kissed her like it was the first time and like it was the last time, because in a way… it was. 

They stayed together - sharing their life’s breath, letting their mouths and tongues dance together in sync the way Ladybug and Chat Noir always were. They didn’t stop. Eventually, the world blurred, and he realized she had reset the time loop herself again.

But this time he was smiling when he found himself standing on her balcony once again peering into her concerned blue eyes. 

This time he felt lighter and freer. She loved him. And he loved her.

And they would be together someday. 

He had to believe that.

...

Chapter 6: Miraculous Abuse

[emmavoid]

In which I go back over episodes 1-5 of Serial Experiments Lain in order to collect my thoughts on them before continuing on to a liveblog proper!

(this was done at butt-o-clock in the morning don't @ me for rambling/misspelling/etc)

Episode 1-

Lain’s shadow, and the shadows near her house, have an intensely weird pattern to them- like there's something hiding deeper within those shadows than any other shadows

The focus on humming powerlines, Lain’s asking them to be quiet- something/someone is trying to communicate with her, even this early on

The steam that comes from Lain’s fingers- at first I thought it was an intense imagination, but it felt similar to the steam coming from her computer in later episodes- another early sign that she’s already in the Wired

“Why did you die?” “God is here.” the first mention of god in the show

As a whole Lain’s family seems off; her parents weirdly robotic, inhuman- almost monstrous in their appearances, and her sister distant; lain did not know them well, and so these simulations of them suffer

When another student dies by jumping in front of the transit train, lain has a strange experience of “viewing” the student’s death while surrounded by fog. I originally thought this was more of her powerful imagination, but having since connected the “fog” or steam to computers, i think this was her simulating the event over again in an attempt to cope with her very human feelings

“Come to the Wired as soon as you can.” More communications from “the universe” to Lain

Episode 2-

the night scene at the beginning of each episode has been, mostly, a repetition of itself, with more communications; however, with Lain not present for most of them, who are they directed towards?

The girl in the nightclub Cyberia- looking at her again on a re-view, she does seem similar to Lain, but wears earrings- something I’ve noticed the “digital” Lain in the opening has that differentiates her from the more innocent, child-like, human Lain.

The explanation of Accel cuts to Lain in class- with the camera specifically focusing on her ear. It seems as if, throughout the show, she’s learning certain information without seeking it out.

The first appearance of the digital ghosts, like what would become of the “fake” version of Lain’s sister in a later episode, plus the figure she “imagined” after the train slow-down.

The man with the gun high on Accel- a test for human-Lain? She freezes, drawing his ire, but when he recognizes her as the Other Lain and points his gun at her, she speaks in a different voice- possibly the Other Lain’s? Possibly… a God-Lain’s voice. The man kills himself as if controlled by an outside force, and Lain appears shocked. I think that God-Lain- the one who has been communicating with Lain all this time- took over to ensure that Lain’s failure of this test wouldn’t lead to her death (or possibly, to interrupting her growth and forcing some kind of reset?)

Episode 3-

After the events of last episode, Lain is shaken- she can barely respond to Arisu. When she returns home, her family is nowhere to be seen- possibly because them existing during all of what happened would be detrimental to her growth? But when she falls asleep at her computer then checks on her family again… their presence or absence isn’t shown.

Another case of information about something strange- this time the Psyche- with a focus on Lain’s ear; again, picking up some kind of information.

“We saw someone die right in front of us yesterday, but we’re acting like it’s something we saw in a movie.” lain's friends are the most fleshed out "people" in the simulation because she knew them the best- and that's why none of them could react properly to the murder in that club, because Lain had never experienced what their reactions would really be like to something traumatic like that.

Lain’s Psyche shows up in her locker- perhaps put there by God-Lain?

The first mention of The Knights, who may have created the Psyche. Are they possibly a front for God-Lain?

Lain’s father attempts to leave immediately when she shows him the Psyche- further evidence that he can only react how he’s “programmed” to? The guy in the club who recognizes Lain- God-Lain has definitely been visiting here regularly.

“I saw you once, in the Wired. You were totally different.” God-Lain doesn’t seem to mind folks knowing about her. Is she leaving hints towards her existence for Lain on purpose?

Lain’s sister is definitely more fleshed out than her parents- when the Agents at the door try to tell her to ignore them she seems properly weirded out

Episode 4-

The origin of my connecting steam/fog to computing power- lain has a fan set up to directly cool part of her computer, releasing steam/condensation

Lain’s parents continue to have strange, robotic responses, but her sister seems genuinely concerned for her.

The main “plot” of this episode- the crossing over of the two net games- seems mostly unrelated to Lain? But it does seem to be causing suicides and murders, showing direct interaction between the Wired and the “real” world

I love the speed with which Lain is acclimating to computers and the Wired- contacting a professional for assistance with the Psyche is a great detail

The more adult-seeming Lain- so, possibly, God-Lain- appears to ask the DJ at the club about the game. But, she’s not there when he looks, and after that scene Lain has suddenly learned about and downloaded the game in question. Was it maybe Human-Lain tapping into her latent god powers to learn this information from him?

A Lain travels through the net game, and seems to try to contact a fleeing player. “I can’t go where you are.” The voice sounds much more like Human-Lain? Then the player encounters a child and kills her- seemingly in-game, but then one or more corpses can be seen wrapped in sheets afterwards as Lain watches. Highly unlikely that this guy had a real gun IRL- especially in Japan- so this seems to be more Wired/IRL fuckery.

“My buddies and I think this might be the work of the Knights too.” A point against my theory of the Knights being God-Lain?

“I’ll be able to enter it soon. … Don’t worry, I’m still me.” “Sometimes, I wonder…” Yeah, there’s no way this is a real reaction her real father would have.

“The Knights do not physically exist. They can be thought of as a religion that is spreading through the Wired.” And then this quote feels like another point towards my God-Lain theory!

the two men who were spying on lain... I think might've been actual outside agents given representation so that human-Lain would have the chance to deal with them- which, she did, by tapping into her god-powers to destroy their spy-glasses (which, when she did, caused her computer's fans to go into overdrive to keep it cooled)

Episode 5-

Lain hears directly from a being calling itself God, before the episode jumps to focusing on her sister for most of the episode.

This episode felt like it was jossing my theory- how could this whole reality be for Lain’s benefit if her sister was experiencing strange stuff?

“There is nothing that you don’t know. I can’t tell you a story that doesn’t exist.” On some level, Lain is both God-Lain and Human-Lain. These conversations with the doll, the mask, then fakes of her parents throughout the episode, seem to be more of Lain learning without personally experiencing- being fed information by her other self.

“The other side is overcrowded. The dead will have nowhere to go.” Isn’t this straight up a quote from one of the Romero zombie flicks?

All the talk of prophecy and “fulfill the prophecy”... Lain seems to be on a set path towards entering the Wired, which is part of why it seems like this is just her reliving an approximation of something that already happened.

A connection between the Knights and The Prophecy. The fake of Lain’s sister isn’t the only one to encounter word of the prophecy, since we hear about it from Lain’s friends as well

Hmm… I hadn’t thought of it before, but, mayhaps the fake of Lain’s sister doesn’t show until the strange holo-effects of her water at dinner? None of the really weird stuff happens to her until after… maybe this was a copy of her then, made during that moment before being pushed into this prophecy-horror scenario?

The Lain’s Sister who enters the house crying then sees herself disappears- or, it seems she does, until Lain sees a digital ghost of her, like she had previously seen in the school… after seeming to see this other self of hers, the real Lain’s sister seems… robotic and nonchalant. Was she a full, real person before this happened?

Theory Overall thus far-

my theory thus far is that lain's already living in the wired, and is, in fact, a god there- she is both Lain and The Knights; but, the more human part of her, Lain, is reliving her pre-wired memories with slight alterations in order to help her get to the point where she can accept her godhood.

the opening of the show ties into my theory too- that god-Lain (portrayed in the intro with earrings) is spread throughout the world, controlling everything, while human-Lain (in her much more childish outfit) is just experiencing and trying to understand the world

Things that were pointed out to me-

Arisu’s name is a romanization of Alice (referencing Alice in Wonderland)

Be inc and Copland being old computer companies