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deiaiko · 10 months ago

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#19.3 Unravel

It had been some time since Agni felt this nervous. Not even talking with Jinsung Ha recently had made him feel like this. He fiddled with the mask on his hand as he waited for Grace to come back. He had thought hard on how to deliver the news, but he knew that no matter how he phrased it, Grace would be upset. Velt nuzzled under his palm and Agni gave her a few pats, before deciding that she would be better inside her bowl in his lighthouse, just in case the shinsu acted up around Grace after he received the news.

Grace came back wearing the comfiest shirt and shorts Agni knew Grace liked to wear on lazy days. He joined him on the floor, and they ate dinner together. Agni always finished last, so while waiting for him to finish his meal, Grace told him about his day with Bam. Grace was intrigued by how much his way of thinking had changed, and how glad he was to be able to be by Bam's side when he was having a bad day. It reminded Agni of the hidden floor, when Grace faced his sworn enemy.

They left the used bowls on the coffee table and went to brush their teeth. Afterwards, they turned off the light and went upstairs to sit on their bed. Grace's curious gaze never left him, and Agni curled his feet nervously.

Grace was the one who broke the silence. "So…what is it?"

Agni's breath hitched. This was the part he dreaded most. "I talked with the crocodile earlier. Did you know that he could manipulate stone already?"

"Huh." Grace needed a few seconds to let the information sink in. "Didn't Rak learn it on the Hell train? How does he know it?"

"Turns out our crocodile also traveled back to the past like us. He found the young crocodile and taught him."

"What?!" Grace gasped, wide eyed. "That means our Rak is–!!"

"He's dead." Agni quickly snuffed out that hope. They had been in delusion for long enough; it was time that they faced the bitter truth. "He suffered a fatal injury from the explosion. He couldn't have lasted long without proper help." Agni omitted the actual cause for Rak's death, but still kept his words true. "I'm sorry."

"…Oh." Grace looked lost, just like Agni was. His lips parted a little, but they closed before any sound escaped.

Agni gently squeezed Grace's hand, encouraging and comforting as he let the silence stretch on, giving Grace some time to process the information.

"Agni…" Grace whispered, "do you think Hatz and Isu…?"

Agni bit his lip and avoided his gaze, as the nightmare of that day replayed in his mind. He witnessed Hatz get his arm ripped off when trying to protect him. He could still recall the clang of a sword hitting the floor, and Hatz's suppressed scream that gnawed deep at his guilt. He witnessed Isu get beheaded after being taken hostage, the memory of warm blood painting them both still vivid like it happened yesterday.

Agni refused to acknowledge their possible deaths, because it felt like a nightmare that one day he could hopefully wake up from. He avoided the topic when Grace brought it up, so he wouldn't have to say it aloud and make it real. He had been so hard on himself, because he couldn't get rid of the feeling that he had failed Grace and everyone else involved.

Agni knew this had to change if he wanted to live better, now that they had gotten a second chance. So he swallowed down the lump in his throat that had built up over the years and asked mostly to himself; "What are the odds of their survival?"

"There's always a chance–"

"Grace." Agni looked him straight in the eye. "They were already severely injured before the explosion hit."

Grace fell silent and went still.

Agni felt a pang of guilt upon witnessing Grace's reaction. "Sorry. I didn't mean to snap." Agni fiddled with his hands. He realized that he didn't know how much Grace knew of what happened. "My scar…do you know how I got it?"

"I…was told it was from the family heads' battle." Grace looked thoughtful. Agni knew he was trying to be careful with his words. "A stray attack?"

"It could have been worse." The memory of the scorching heat on his skin felt like it had only happened yesterday. He passed out right when he was about to heal Isu, and only found out later that he also lost sweetfish at that time. The days he spent recovering from the burn, to withstand the excruciating pain every second he was conscious, and finally coming to terms that it'd be a permanent scar, was one of the turning points that had changed him forever. Were Grace not there to care for him, he might have ended up destroying himself even more.

Agni hadn't realized he had his left hand clawing on his cheek until Grace pried his hand off and frowned, "You're doing it again."

"Maybe I should wear the mask…" Agni muttered to himself. After all, Grace gave it to him less so he could hide the scar but more to prevent him from unconsciously hurting himself. The only time he could safely take it off was when Grace was around.

Agni bit his lip nervously when Grace didn't reply. He no longer had the courage to look Grace in the eye that spoke so much concern, so he leaned close and rested his head on Grace's chest. "Rak, Isu, Hatz and Hwaryun were trying to get me out of that damned place. But we were caught while escaping, and…it was a bloodbath. I was…too occupied to react to the incoming heat. Rak shielded us from the explosion. And when I woke up…"

"They weren’t with you," Grace finished it for him after Agni trailed off a moment too long.

Agni nodded dazedly, "I've been telling myself that they're still alive, after a blow that could kill rankers. But…who am I kidding? I was lucky enough to survive with just this little–" Agni vaguely pointed to himself– "inconvenience."

Agni felt a hand gripping his arm, and he pulled away to see Grace looking at him with a pained expression. His eyes were glossy and his lips were pulled into a thin line. Trusting his instinct, Agni reached out to gently trace and cup Grace's cheek with his free hand.

"I'm sorry," Agni muttered. "I'm sorry, for not telling you sooner."

Agni silently witnessed tears that streamed down on his love's face. It was a bitter sight that Agni wished he'd never have to see again, that he had tried to avoid for so long by not telling him. He pulled Grace in and held him close to his chest, as if Agni was trying to gather his own crumbled heart back together.

Grace mumbled their late best friends' names as he held onto him tighter, shaking from each breath he took between sniffles.

Agni felt his own eyes sting with unshed tears. He remembered the years he spent climbing the tower together with his old team. Despite their banter being his source of headaches, Agni knew he too had come to acknowledge them as his cherished friends. Only when they were gone did Agni realize how much he'd miss having them around. Seeing the younger them didn't exactly close the gaping hole in his heart, but at least the emptiness was more filled.

Agni squeezed Grace tighter. "We have their younger selves with us now. We will protect them better this time."

Grace only nodded and sank further into his embrace. And Agni planted kisses on his hair, relishing the thought that after everything he had gone through, Grace was still a constant in his life. As long as he had him, everything would be okay.

When Grace started shaking again, Agni caressed his hair and hummed a comfort song they had known by heart. Still, it didn't make falling asleep any easier for Agni, especially not after admitting that his nightmare was very much real. However, as he had been through grief…this, too, would pass.

Masterlist

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#Whee we get to know some of their past. Specifically their turning point #I hope it flows nicely because i have rewritten this like 3 times now 😭😭😭 dialogues are just not my specialty #like how to make them reveal such information without making them come out of the blue #writing style aside. let's talk about why Agni behaves this way #I will save the details on the what and how for the prologue. but basically Agni had been through hell that he couldn't escape alone #Rak Hatz and Isu saved him (or attempted to). and Agni owed them for saving his life. thus the strong attachment that Khun doesn't have #also let me mention that Agni had trouble differentiating between hallucination and reality after the incident. So he was kind of in denial #maybe Agni had come to a conclusion that they might be dead months after that. but he was too afraid to admit it to Grace #because he thought it was partly his fault for being incompetent. and Grace would hate him for letting their friends die #not wanting to risk being left by Grace. he just put himself (and inevitably Grace too) in the illusion of truth #that there's still a chance their friends are still alive because they have no proof of their deaths #so when Agni was offered to go back to the past. he agreed to it. Already expecting that Rak Hatz Isu aren't the same ones that he looks fo #but it was as good as he could get to redeem himself. Plus they get to meet everyone else who they couldn't save #Anyway. I'm taking hiatus until April. In return I will answer if you have any questions whether it is written in the tags or sent via ask #see ya folks <3 we'll get more brothers and team bonding when I return #tower of god #tog #two sides of the same coin fic #my fic #my art #bam #25th bam #jue viole grace #khun #khun aguero agnis #khunbam #shibisu #ship leesoo #rak wraithraiser #hatz

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fighting-these-demons · 7 months ago

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Divorce Saga Domon - A Haunted Honk Prequel

Hello Internet Stranger looking up G Gundam on Tumblr dot com!

This is an idea for a fic set in an Alternate Universe involving Queer Non-Canon Relationships between the characters of the series.

If you are not looking for this content please scroll on.

If you ARE looking for this content - and you're ok with reading my and other's Headcanons for this Alternate Universe I've haphazardly spun up -

Then go ahead and feel free to:

Check The Tags Of This Post For The Pairings

and click the Read More below!

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Ended up outlining a completely different fic as a Segway for an explanation instead of making progress on the Royal Flush Haunted Honk AU's Clown Motel Fic like I wanted to but uh....

For y'all's review for the AU: A Prequel Outline - Divorce Saga Domon

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Hey real quick - I'm thinking of maybe changing the timeline to 2 years post canon as opposed to 3 years and change post canon.

The reason being: I had a thought that this scene could either be part if the fic or if it's getting to big then it could be a stand alone tie-in prequel fic as part of this AU but - like

Immediately Post Divorce Domon Needs Space and runs off. As one does. And he runs to Earth because he just wants to Get Lost for a while.

He has Argo smuggle him out to avoid detection.

Argo has Andrew help stow Domon in a storage hanger of a Neo Canadian supply ship that's returning to the US - they have trade often enough and share agricultural resources - which leads to Domon ending up in New York when he hits Earthside pavement.

He's privately worked on his English the last couple of months and after being dropped in New York with a different hairstyle, outfit, and accent he's unrecognizable.

He considers making his way west to get some solitude in the wilderness, but something about that initial plan feels off now that he's on the ground.

Chibodee is also Earthside for a special series of prize fights aimed at raising charitable appeal for the US in the eyes of Neo Americans.

Domon decides to hit up Chibodee for a fight on a day between matches hoping it'll clear his head and give him the clarity to decide on a course of action. What ends up happening is an unexpected heart to heart via blows and a breakdown.

Domon is happy for Rain and Kyoji, and he knows it's not true; but he feels like he lost a piece of himself when his relationship with Rain fell apart.

Domon's instinct is to run after that but Chibodee knows this city and Domon doesn't hide out for long before Chibodee drags him back to his place to stay and just "Chill out and breathe. You don't have to be anyone but yourself here. You can take as long as you need to find out what everything changing means for you." Friends and teammates stick together.

So Domon spends a few weeks with Chibodee sparring and hanging out in New York. Chibodee does a frankly awesome job at containing his feelings because he's focusing on Domons feelings and being a good friend first and foremost. Whatever he's feeling can wait until after Domon is done going though it.

There's a bit of a twinge in Domon's heart as he leaves that he can't really place.

After he returns to Neo Japan and gets settled back into life with his family, The Dreams start.

They're mainly set in New York. Small things first like noticing Chibodee's smile and his eyes. Then sparring sessions that begin to turn lurid.

He thought these kinds of dreams would stop after he was married.... he doesn't know what to do about this.

I just figure it gives more clarity and sense of time for the journey from Comphet Marriage Dissolution to Feelings to Confession. Idk.

But I got stuck on a bit and then had this thought and needed to get it down before I lost it and it was so long it made sense to make it its own post as opposed to several replies.

The Maize and Clown Motel will probably still be 3 years and change post canon for clarification.

@thedragonchilde @amplexadversary @youreaclownnow

#Domon Kasshu/Chibodee Crocket #Royal Flush #Chibodee Crocket/Domon Kasshu #Royal Flush Haunted Honk AU #mobile fighter g gundam #I imagine he hasn't had time for a Big Gay Crisis yet but the time is absolutely now #Kyoji absolutely helps him through this crisis because he had a normal environment and university to figure his own shit out.#Kyoji has to figure out WHY Domon is imploding and explosive and avoiding everyone a second time though.#This doesn't seem related to the Divorce but it doesn't seem immediately obvious either. 🤔#Cue Schwarz FINALLY getting a fucking break and immediately coming to stay with Rain and Kyoji at their place.#Domon was aware that they had been living together in Neo Japan briefly before Schwarz was called back to Neo Germany for questioning #Once his rank was stripped of him he was back with Kyoji for a short period before the Divorce as part of Kyoji and Dr. Kasshu's study of #DG Cells. Once they had a breakthrough - Schwarz was sent abroad with a small military group and Doctors Without Borders group to assist #With immediate infection cases on behalf of Neo Japan as part of reparations. So Domon hadn't seen him in quite some time.#Domon certainly wasn't expecting to see him in the garden when he rounded the corner of the Mikamura residence #Leaned over Kyoji who appears to have been working outside on his laptop. Fingers intertwined a hand on Kyojis jaw and locked in a kiss.#Which ends pretty much instantly as they sense Domon and break apart. It occurs to Kyoji and Schwarz that Kyoji never #Got the chance to actually tell Domon much about himself and the man he'd grown into while Domon was training in Hong Kong with Master Asia #This might be a pretty significant shock to him.#I can't decide between Domon running from his Gay Revelation or IMMEDIATELY Losing His Shit at the thought of Rain's SECOND marriage ending #And knowing for sure now the reason why his and Rain's marriage didn't work out. He really does prefer men.#Bu HOW DARE Kyoji do this to her!!! She's been through enough!!!! This will HURT her SO BADLY!!! (Projection of guiiillllttt)#Back to square 1 fir a moment like damn #And once he starts fighting Kyoji about it (Thank God the ressurection gave them the option to make Kyojis new build similar to Schwarz's)#It comes out that Rain cant go through this AGAIN and he won't let him do this to her! Her honor means something to Domon #And it should mean something to Kyoji too as HER HUSBAND #Kyoji and Schwarz catch on the Again bit and Kyoji makes it clear that Rain has known about his situation with Schwarz since they returned #That they're quite literally inseparable and that Rain married him knowing this. She's fully aware and an active participant.#Domon takes a leg sweep and doesn't quite make his recovery as Schwarz steps in #Pinning his arms and one leg in place so he can't run from Kyojis question. Kyoji grabs Domon's hair to turn his head and asks

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selunesfavouriteprincess · 3 months ago

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I can’t even lie over time this pathetic little elf has grown on me and now I really like her as a character. she’s SUCH a loser. and someone said that she should’ve been recruitable instead of Halsin after uncovering the Shadow Druid plot and she could’ve had a redemption arc and now I can’t stop thinking about that alternate reality

#i have no idea if it’s a controversial opinion to like Kagha or not but #like imagine if she was sent away from the Grove. not banished but temporarily sent away to think about her actions #Halsin says she can return to the circle after she’s rediscovered the oak father’s teachings etc etc #so she can join up with you in act 1 and you get a druid then and not 2 in act 2 randomly #maybe she travels with you to find redemption. you were the one who pulled her from the brink so she thinks travelling with you #will help her do some good in this world #she can have a tense reunion with the tieflings in act 2 and she apologises. some forgive her. others don’t as is their right #and she tries so hard to redeem herself but she learns that sometimes people are still hurt by your deeds and they might not forgive you #I think it’s talking to Arabella that actually gives her growth #maybe it’s Kagha who’s involved in Arabella’s powers and her learning to tame them. Arabella who has reason of all to hate her #and it takes a while and some conversation and working together but I think Arabella forgives Kagha #she doesn’t have to and Kagha never expected forgiveness from her but she DOES and that’s what gets Kagha the most #she has a big introspective act 2 moment in the middle of the Shadow Curse #regardless she is first to suggest rescuing the tieflings from moonrise. not because she wants forgiveness but because it’s right #(to show her character growth and learning to care about the refugees)#and then her quest could tie into the Shadow Curse. she wants to do better and help people #and eventually the other tieflings start to come round to her. once she’s proved she’s actively bettering herself #the kids find her funny and Mattis definitely thinks she’s a loser and not scary or mean #like okay lady sure I forgive you whatever stop crying now #Mirkon is just a little sweetie so he forgives her as long as Arabella does and then he follows her around asking loads of questions #anyway sorry those are my thoughts I think it’d be great to have a redemption arc companion in act 1 #bc Minthara is so missable if you don’t know to knock her out you just kill her #Kagha’s story would help indicate that there are hidden companions you can look out for #most of this is nonsense im so sleepy but will I stop rambling? no #also Minthara should top the hell out of this pathetic surface elf right now

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paimonial-rage · 10 months ago

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Hello I have a character analysis ask for Aether, Number 9. If you are interested only. I love your blog. It actually help me in writing since I am a beginner writer. Thank you. Have a great day.

Thank you so much for the ask and kind words. I’m glad you find my blog helpful! ;v; <3

[Character Analysis Ask Meme]

What can’t you trust Aether with?

To stay - It’s easy to forget when he stays for so long that one day he will leave. It’s inevitable. Really, you should know better. He’s done it with every nation he’s visited. He remains for a year—exploring, taking quests, getting close to everyone—and then the winds call him on to continue his journey. And then after that, what is left for you? Those biannual visits when a special event was being held? Those few times he invites you to his teapot or to explore with him? How can he see that it’s simply not enough?

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #aether #aether x reader #lumine #lumine x reader #i don’t usually answer asks this quickly but the ones that are waiting are more difficult and i don’t want you to have to wait a month haha #another answer i had to this was ‘to have morals’ ‘to spare you’ or ‘to not expect anything in return’ haha #the first two are related #our buddy the traveler as friendly as they are uh….. imo they don’t have a strong set of morals #for example them being upset with lyney and lynette back in 4.0? i think it’s less they were upset the twins were fatui than like….#simply the fact they weren’t told in the first place #if you play all the world quests the traveler has canonically killed many people #even helped massacre a whole tribe #the traveler is primarily self serving #even if it’s for good causes they dislike working for free #very mora focused #that being said the traveler is so interesting as a character #honestly they rank p high in my book #very fun to analyze #i love listening to their voicelines with paimon #they love to joke and tease and they speak a lot #very easygoing and friendly #it’s easy to see why people like them so much #they dont stop themselves from feeling and wanting to act in anger #they’re really full of life haha

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dairyfreenugget · 7 months ago

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(Going insane boinkinh one AU in my head)

Hey hey hey

May I interest you in

(Slowly slides my FaaF AU towards you but void just Disappears without a trace one day before the accolade)

Teehee

#thylacines can talk #faaf au #i love this au very yummy. a very fun twist on how Flower's dynamic with their parents would progress afterwards #the vessels live but the void exits their bodies in quite a violent manner (extreme pain and literally throwing up an entire person worth of #void). Flower was on guard duty and theyre found barely conscious in a pool of rapidly evaporating void. passes out seconds later #PK also had the displeasure of experiencing extene pain and burning as void forced its way out through his skin <3 And his moulds all melted #and evaporated. after the initial shock wears off theyre hit with “Oh No #the vessel“ and rush to find them. Well somebody else was already looking for the royal pair about this #Flower wakes up dazed and in pain in their father's workshop. their stomach hurts their throat burns and they feel lightheaded. the entire #place is considerably brighter than they remember and in they can hear two faint voices in the background but theyre too preoccupied with #examining their now pure white hand in shock to focus on anything else. until they hear their mother say “My wyrm they're awake” and #suddenly their parents are by their side. Now the two have no idea what void leaving their body might have done to them. Are they still #hollow? are they still dead? do they understand anything are they sentient? or was what was done pernament even without the void? do they #have the mind of a child if their sentience was restored? or do they remember anything? So WL stays by their side and helps them sit up #while their father goes to grab his tools. She's trying to keep them calm and comfort them but theyre still too disoriented to pay her much #attention. Until their father checks their breathing and they yelp audibly from the cool metal contacting their skin and suddenly they seem #much more alert. theyve never experienced true coldness before. PK quickly apologises and tries to be gentler with them. Theyre breathing #properly and they have a heartbeat. And he just pauses for a long while just. listening to their heart beating. Many emotions to be had #after the exam's over he asks them point blank how theyre feeling. And Flower looks up at him still seeming a little disoriented. and then #they lower their hand to their stomach and mutter 'My tummy hurts...a-and my throat burns'. It's to be expected after the way the void #left their body. so he goes to grab them some water and meds and they also ask for food and a mirror. And after he returns they just stare #at themself in the mirror and pull on their bangs for a while then blurt out 'I have your eyes' when PK asks if everything's okay. And he #and he almost chokes up as he replies 'Yeah...Yeah you do'. Flower eventually spins a lie that they remember everything but its all distant #and blurry. Like they were not aware until now. They figured it'd be better to not break their hearts #And now the three have to figure out how to be a family while PK is also scrambling to find a new solution to the infection #oops i meant to only give a brief rundown in the tags which is why it was in the tags. but i got too invested KDHDKFB

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totally-original-artist · 7 months ago

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Avi have you seen the last hnk chapter? Got me starting at the wall at 7:00

I JUST READ IT!!! I've been putting off reading it after 100 and I just binged it and

I completely forgot abt the manga ngl, thx for reminding me walp

#ask #walp #like...i'm happy for phos bc they're finally with a group of people(or rocks ig) who want to be their friend and don't expect anything in #return or have ulterior motives but #phos...#they really ship of theseus'd my guy and he still made it...but like???#I FEEL SO CONFLICTED #ON ONE HAND: Phos is alive and thriving 👍#ON THE OTHER HAND: Phos fucking DIED #smt smt philosophy about soul fragments smt smt smt despite everything it's still you or smt #and the fact that they keep breaking down into smaller pieces but this time no one tells them that it's a bad thing instead that #it's just the way they are and that's ok AND IM NOT NORMAL #AND THE WHOLE THING WITH THE FLOWER UNIVERSES???#How when phos broke the tiny fragments got into the flower's gem thingies which pitapat said hosted universes of their own and how these #phos fragments in them are like comets and the innocent phos in the the grass watching the comet (WHICH IS PHOS) and #and....sob #I'm probably making zero sense lmao #I've been alternating between rolling around in my bed and typing out this mess for the past hour #hnk #hnk spoilers #hnk chapter 108 #“I feel light. So so light.”#the noises I made after reading that were not human

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sol1loqu1st · 3 months ago

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re: my tags on that last post that's actually something I've been thinking about a lot. I mostly show my love by doing things and showing up (either materially or emotionally) for other people when I recognize there's a need, and 1. a lot of people like to deny out of politeness or think I'm doing it with an expectation that it's transactional, and 2. most people don't really seem to show up for me like that. which is... fine, again I don't expect it to be transactional, but--especially when people get used to it and it becomes an expectation rather than a gift, it can really start to feel like I'm being taken advantage of. Idk how to tell people that without making it seem like I don't want to do things for them!!! Because I do!! I just want to be appreciated for it. An offer to pay for gas money (which I'll deny), a "hey if you ever need help with (x) hmu," even just a genuine thank you (especially if your resources are stretched thin--sometimes people can't offer anything and that's ok)--just like... idk, I want to know people appreciate me and a lot of times it feels like they don't

#idk maybe it's egocentric of me to want to be appreciated and I should just give myself and my time to people regardless of if they care?#or maybe capitalism has twisted my actions so people feel inherently gross about them and feel like I'm like...#priming them up to ask a Big Favor #which is why I try to stress that it's not transactional it's how I show my love for people!! but then I think people get it in their heads #that they can just expect that I'll do things for them and never give anything in return #and that doesn't. really feel great.#when I say it's not transactional I don't mean I never want to feel appreciated or supported I just mean I don't expect compensation #for every little gesture of kindness

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eileensdress · 2 years ago

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The pain in Joels voice when he tells Tommy that Ellie’s just fourteen like this guy has seen and done terrible shit. But she’s a kid. She’s just a kid and she shouldn’t have to.

#GOD IT JUST ABOUT KILLED ME #i know i know that tlou prioritizes complex and well-rounded characters but #i feel like people don’t talk about Joel’s unending empathy. like he is so kind in a world that has been so fucking evil.#he is so. he is just.#he takes care of the people around him and he asks them if theyve slept or ate and he #keeps watch for them and he refuses to take thank yous and he never once expects anything in return that they can’t easily provide #he tries to give up ellie because he thinks it will protect her #he is a bleeding heart in a cold and callous world and it makes my bones ache #also pedro pascal acted his fucking ASS off he was simply amazing #the last of us #the last of us hbo #tlou spoilers #the last of us spoilers

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scratxhed-cd · 7 months ago

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I’m gonna be pathetic real quick,

#I miss her so much #dealing with a one sided crush on one of my closest friends no less has not been easy #we haven’t really hung out this year not bc of the feelings stuff but bc I was tired of always being the one to plan hang outs and outreach #this has always been our dynamic #she’s just not the initiator type #which was fine at first #but for me the more I put into a friendship the more I expect in return #so it was hard not to take it personally when things didn’t change after we talked abt it #anyway she graduated college today #and idk if it just really sunk in that this is very likely the last time we will ever be in proximity to each other #but something abt it just kinda hit me today #a part of me wishes she had reached out #but maybe this is for the best #I feel I shouldn’t have to ask for what I need every single time #the down side is that knowing that doesn’t cancel out the years of friendship #I’ve always had a hard time letting people go #a part of me almost always cares about them for a long time #it’s hard bc my college experience was largely knowing that while I had friends I likely wasn’t their top choice #or part of their larger group #I floated around a lot which was cool sometimes and lonely other times #but if there was any person who I would have expected or I guess even just wanted to put in more of an effort it was her #personal #rambles #vent #it is complicated navigating friend expectations vs crush yearning #but I like to think that I can be rational enough to distinguish between the two #and so not ask for anything that is outside the reasonable expectation for friends #idk man it’s been an emo day overall ig

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lpsgirl109 · 30 days ago

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I would absolutely love for at least one of my friend groups to completely go all out for me for my birthday. The way girls at school get huge sashes and gift baskets from their friends. I've never really had that. I've never really had a group of friends band together to do something super special for my birthday aside from getting on call with my two best besties to play roblox. Which i guess is a bit disheartening because I've organized stuff like this for several people. I've put together calls so we could all sing happy birthday to someone and celebrate with them. Hell, not even a birthday celebration, but i once organized a going away party with my entire friend group for one of our friends who was moving to another state, because i loved them i wanted to them to know they'd be loved and missed by us. It would be nice to be on the receiving end of that but also it feels really silly to just Ask my friends to plan something special for me cause 1. Those are supposed to be surprises 2. I know it is My birthday and I have every right want to be treated like the center of the universe but I still feel very selfish asking people Hey can you make this day all about me and put effort into it please. Also it feels less genuine when people have to be Asked to celebrate me yknow. Idk maybe the realization that I'm turning 18 years old is finally fully kicking and that's what's got me down lately but man. For my birthday I really just want to know that I'm loved and wanted and not a nuisance that pisses people off every time I open my mouth

#Also and this is where I get really annoying but most of the time I don't get gifts from people who aren't my family #My last birthday i got gifts from two people out of my several friends and friend groups who really didn't do much #Other than wish me happy birthday or my two friends who always get on roblox with me #Which is also disheartening because i try to make gifts for everyone for their birthdays and christmas #If it's not something huge like the animatic and the animation meme and the attempted pmv I made then it's a thoughtful art piece #And if it's not that then it's at least singing them happy birthday and giving them a hug and letting them know I love them #Which I'm not gonna stop doing and I will never stop doing #I have too much love in my heart to ignore someone's birthday out of spite and I do not make things expecting something in return #Even if someone never ever gives me a birthday gift I will still give something to them every year because I don't want to be bitter #But I guess it just gets tiring after a while #Trying to do everything for everyone while barely anyone puts in the same effort for me #Again I'm not gonna ask anyone for a gift cause 1. Selfish 2. Disingenuous if it needed to be asked for #I guess I just wish more people valued me enough that they'd already do all this stuff for me #Make me gifts and treat me like I matter the most #Because I know i try to do that for everyone else #Idk I still feel selfish saying all this but also it's My 18th Birthday I think I deserve to be a little selfish #Man I need to go to bed midnight is always when I get ungodly sad over things I have no control over #harry osborn or whatever the fuck the new generation says /j

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prozach27 · 4 months ago

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#ok I’m so proud of myself bc this involves finance which is something I avoid at all costs but like I did it!!#my work failed to process my check which I should have received yesterday. I’m now expected to get it next week #and part of growing up poor is like. idk. this learned helplessness or defeatist attitude with money problems #like ohh it’s my bad I should’ve had more savings to cover waiting an extra week or longer for my monthly check #and historically I just shut down and panic while doing nothing bc this is my biggest possible stressor to come across #but!!! being around rich people? I’ve learned they negotiate!! and demand to not be inconvenienced!!#my work was like ehh I’m sorry too bad so sad about your check and I was like actually no #I explained how this impacts my ability to pay rent. my credit score. how they didn’t inform me in time to stop bill autopay #and asked what their detailed plan is to fix this #and within an hour admin was scrambling. four different people emailed me apologizing for the mix up #and they worked it out with finance to get me a $2000 loan to get me by until the check hits #but I was like actually no. I won’t be paying interest on this because I shouldn’t be penalized for your error #and so they GOT RID OF INTEREST #0% interest cash advance essentially that covers all my bills #I picked up the physical check for the 2k today so it’s legit thank god #I thanked everyone involved and remained extremely polite #and they said if there’s any other questions you have please let us know #so I was like actually you know what lmao #I explained that I’ve incurred fees for overdrafts and returned items due to bill autopay that I couldn’t cancel due to them informing me #basically the day of my check being late #and so I specifically said I’ve incurred $270 in fees at this point as a result of your error and I shouldn’t be expected to pay this.#and!! they just said… okay!!! I just got an email that they’ve processed a secondary check for $270!!#so like?!?! what?!?! is this what life is like when you don’t shy away from discussing money?!#im genuinely shocked. this is a life lesson. I never would have imagined this outcome #thank god I decided to not take it lying down

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shivunin · 1 year ago

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Hello there! ✨

New prompts? Here we go.

I was talking of Moby Dick yesterday with a friend, so of course it must be number 7, for whomever you'd like to force in the same bed with a soon-to-be LI!

Ooooh this was a really tasty one! Thanks, Arja c: I am really happy with this, and it bridged a gap in the timeline I've been fiddling with for a while.

(But. Arja, I gotta ask: as someone who has not read the book in question, is there an 'only one bed' scene in Moby Dick???)

(Tropes Prompts)

For 7. Muses are forced to share a bed:

Back to Back

(Arianwen Tabris/Zevran | 2,015 Words | CW: Canon-typical references to darkspawn/death/the Blight, alcohol mention)

The three of them stood just inside the doorway, various packs already piled off to the side. The room was comfortably warm, did not smell of dead bodies, offered two beds, and featured a fire burning already in the hearth. By the standards of the rest of the castle, it was the height of luxury. Even so, they hesitated.

Morrigan spoke first.

“I will not be sharing, in case either of you have fostered any such foolish notions,” she told them acerbically. “‘Tis hardly fair for the Crow to have the whole bed to himself by simple virtue of gender.”

“Did I say anything?” Arianwen asked, arms crossed. When she opened her mouth to go on, the Crow in question spoke.

“I am not so delicate as I look. Surely I can manage one evening’s sleep on stone, yes? It will still be an improvement on packed earth.”

“No,” Wen said sharply. “You are not a dog.”

Zevran turned and stared pointedly at Wen’s mabari, who’d already slung himself over the foot of the bed in question. His tongue lolled out in canine delight and his fur was clean for once, as she’d given him a cursory bath before sneaking him into Redcliffe’s castle. Wen was probably the only one who could make the hound move, and she had no intention of doing so. The poor fellow deserved a soft bed for once. He worked as hard as any of them.

Morrigan, plainly assured that she need not participate in this conversation, turned and walked away. In Wen’s periphery, she could see the witch beginning to draw some sort of sigil over the stone before the door. Good. These people were dodgy as any she’d seen.

“I will keep my hands and knives to myself if you will,” Tabris told Zevran coolly. “It is no closer quarters than we share in camp, Crow.”

One of his eyebrows arched, but he inclined his head slightly.

“As you wish, my lady.”

“Don’t call me that,” she snapped, hunching her shoulders. “Ugh. Warden, if you won’t use my name. You’re not my servant.”

She was certain she did not imagine the glint of mockery in his eyes when he swept her an elaborate bow.

“As you wish, my dear Warden.”

She didn’t like that either, but she suspected further objections would meet with further prodding. Wen ignored him and went to the far side of the bed, where she could at least shed her armor in peace.

“Not a dog, not a servant,” Zevran murmured to himself, unbuckling his armor on the other side of the bed. “I find my employment opportunities sadly diminished so soon.”

“I hear the Crows have an opening,” Wen told him, casting him a sharp look, and he grinned at her.

“Let us hope, for both our sakes, that they do not know it yet.”

“Hmph,” was all she could muster in response. Her armor slapped the ground when she tossed it down, but the release of its burden was too much of a relief to stay annoyed. Wen sighed and stretched her hands behind her head, rolling her head first one way and then the other. When she glanced up, the assassin was pulling the covers back and climbing beneath them.

“Ah—did you want this side?” he asked when he saw her looking, one leg on the mattress, the other on the floor. Wen narrowed her eyes at him.

“No,” she said. “Just don’t take all the blankets.”

He smiled again and opened his mouth, but she held up a hand.

“I’m not in the mood for jokes,” she told him. “I might still have to kill a child to save this place. Just let me sleep.”

Zevran shut his mouth and nodded, climbing silently beneath the covers. Wen joined him a moment later, thinking poisonous thoughts at the chamberlain who’d stuffed the four of them in this room. It made strategic sense to stay in one room, but…

But the nightmares were not going to be kind to her tonight. Perhaps it would be wise to warn him before…before.

“Hey,” she said when Zevran rolled over.

He glanced over his shoulder at her, his hair backlit by the hearth behind him. For a moment, he looked almost gilded with it—a foolish notion. Wen pushed the thought aside with a vague sense of irritation. It was already hard enough to find the right words; it did not help that he was so plainly assured of his own good looks. She certainly wasn’t going to add to it.

“Yes?” he said, when she didn’t go on. Wen pressed her lips into a hard line and rolled over onto her side. This corner of the room was shadowed, blocked from the light by the broad lines of the bed and their bodies.

“Nevermind,” she said instead, biting the end of the word off. “Goodnight.”

A pause, sheets rustling behind her, a quiet breath. Morrigan still sat before the door, her legs crossed, her hands palm-up on either knee. Arianwen did not know if she was meditating or taking first watch and she didn’t intend to ask. Morrigan wasn’t going to kill them while Wen slept; that was all she really needed to know right now.

“Goodnight, Warden.”

Tabris stood in a wide field, surrounded by heaving bodies on either side. They tossed around her like a river of putrid flesh, horrible syllables clawing their way from ruined throats, sick weapons waving in the air. None of them took notice of her, but they did not leave her space to breathe, either.

If she stayed here for too long, she would surely choke to death on the smell thick in the air. Even as she knew this, she knew, too, that leaving was impossible.

There was no way out. She was trapped on all sides. She would die here and be carried onward, like a rotting tree branch in a blood-filled stream, until all the bits that made her distinct from anyone else were worn away by the tide. She knew this with a surety she could not question or define, and the knowledge of her own death bound her hands from fighting back.

In the distance, a beautiful song rose, as cloying and thick in the air as the smell of unwashed bodies and burning flesh. She was drawn to it even as it repulsed her, caught in the inevitability of the sound and everything that it meant. The archdemon was calling her. She had no choice but to follow, hands bound and feet heavy with the sound. She had no choice. She had—

Wen sat up, gasping for air.

One hand dragged at the neck of her tunic, loosening the ties even as she clawed her own skin. Something shifted beside her and she flinched away, knocking her head against the carving on the headboard.

“It is only me,” Zevran said in the darkness beside her. Tabris relaxed slightly, though she still panted for air.

The fire had died sometime in the night, leaving darkness and a chill in its wake. She could not see him, but she could hear him, could feel the shift in the bed when he moved again. After a moment, something soft brushed her hand.

“Wine,” he told her. “It will help.”

Wen abruptly remembered something Morrigan had said to her when Wen had brought him back to camp. She’d said something about him poisoning them all one day and killing them in their sleep, or words to that effect. Tabris unstoppered the wineskin anyway and took a sip, letting it clear some of the thickness from her throat. She took a longer pull a moment later, then passed it back to the left. Zevran took it from her silently, his hand never once brushing hers, and she could hear him drinking, too.

“Nightmares?” he asked.

Wen, whose breath had finally begun to slow again, nodded before remembering he couldn’t see her.

“Yes.”

“Hmm,” he said. “I thought that might have been you several evenings ago.”

“Yes,” she said again. Her screaming had woken the whole camp. She was not proud of it and did not appreciate him mentioning it again now. But—he had given her his wine. That allowed him some leeway, she supposed.

“All Wardens have them,” she added, touching the marks she’d made at her neck. Some of them stung, but she didn’t feel blood. That was good, she supposed. “Alistair is used to them, he said. They are still new to me.”

Zevran made a noise of acknowledgement, then swallowed again.

“More?” he asked.

Wen hesitated. She could feel the wine burning in her stomach, too much on an empty stomach. She hadn’t been interested in the castle’s offer of food, but she regretted it now.

“Yes,” she said, and took the wineskin from him when it brushed against her hand.

“Every night?” he asked.

“Most nights.”

The wine was red, sharp, faintly bitter at the end. Wen rolled it over her tongue before swallowing, tasting each note as intensely as she could. They chased the last of the nightmares from her mind, to her relief. The wineskin was mostly empty when she passed it back.

“I’ll buy more wine on the way out of town,” she told him, the closest she would come to an apology. Zevran moved—perhaps he shrugged—but he, too, must have remembered that she could not see him.

“There is no need,” he said.

Wen snorted and slid back under the sheets, flicking her braid out of her way as she went. No need, he said, but she knew how this worked. She would buy him wine and she would not owe him for this. She was no fool.

“Sometimes, in Antiva, I would…feel for a bedmate or a weapon,” he said carefully, “when I woke and I did not know where I was. It helped, I think.”

Wen said nothing and she did not move. Zevran drank again, then moved on his side of the bed. His foot brushed against her calf when he rolled over, but neither of them acknowledged it.

“Goodnight, Warden.”

“Goodnight,” she hesitated. “Zevran. And—thank you.”

“It was my pleasure.”

Wen grimaced at that. She rolled onto her side and held herself still for a moment, thinking. At last, she sighed and shifted backward until her back brushed against his.

“Warden?”

His voice was wary. Wen frowned, ready to move again.

“You were awake, too,” she said sharply. “So—here. If you have another nightmare.”

His back was tense against hers. She wasn’t sure how to interpret that.

“Nevermind—” she began, but he was already speaking.

“I—thank you, I did not mean—”

“I��ll move if you—”

“No, there is no need; I was not asking you for—”

“Fine, then, shut up and go to sleep. It doesn’t have to be a whole—a whole—thing.”

Ser Grr snored loudly at the foot of the bed, startling them both. When she finally recognized the sound, Tabris snorted and tucked an arm under her head. If this was the caliber of pillow the people in castles used, she supposed she was happy enough with the rolled-up blanket she’d left in the camp. How glad she would be when they saw the last of this place.

“This makes us even,” she said after a moment. “For the wine.”

At last, Zevran relaxed back against her. The next breath he took pressed his spine to hers. It was an odd sensation, and not one she was entirely sure she enjoyed. Wen waited.

“I said there was no need.”

“You did.”

“But—very well. We are even. Save the life debt, of course.”

“Of course,” she said, though the idea of him owing her a life debt still made her deeply uncomfortable. She wedged the pillow between her arm and head and tried to make herself comfortable again.

The last thing she remembered before she fell asleep was the sound of his breathing, quiet and even behind her, and the soft pressure of his back against hers. She did not wake again until morning.

#arianwen tabris #zevran arainai #zevwarden #prompt response #ask response #shivunin scrivening #these two and the way they feel about transactional touch/debt make me crazy tbh #between wen's 'someone helping you who isn't family must want something in return and i refuse to owe'#and zev's expectation that his body is a commodity that will be used #i am shaking them in a jar #btw this is the start. first time they touch each other outside of combat and recruitment #wen refuses to acknowledge it until much later of course #how dare you accuse her of being nice #Obviously it was so she wouldn't owe him anything. Obviously

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