#and the era where paramore stopped playing it live

[jetsetromance]

​i think hayley williams should scream ‘once a whore you’re nothing more’ in miz biz instead of covering her mouth and letting the crowd sing it. just to spite all the ones who cancelled and gave her shit for writing that song as a TEENAGER experiencing obvious internalized misogyny. all the men in the same music scene don’t censor themselves with their past (or present) misogynistic lyrics so why should she? i mean i think it’s enough to come out with a statement explaining how you know it was fucked up at the time and you’ve grown from that way of thinking. which hayley has done. MULTIPLE times. let hayley williams say whore.

[muddyorbsblr]

this magnetic force of a man

'one look and they'll know' collection masterlist See my full list of works here!

Placement: married era; a few months after 'come on, england'

Summary: A watch party livestream on TikTok catches sight of you and Tom in the VIP tent of the final night of the Eras Tour in London

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x Reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Warning/s: language; potentially inaccurate depictions of what goes on backstage in a concert; changed lyrics for Lover [let me know if I missed anything!]

Things to be aware of: new & experiment story format in the first part of the chapter; fictional streamer "original character" heavily featured in first part of the chapter

TikTok Livestream of getawayscholar: Eras Tour Wembley N8 Watch Party!

The stream on screen zooms in to the VIP Tent.

"Hold on! Hold the fuck on is that…holy shit we have ex alert in attendance! Friends and others, Tom Hiddleston just walked in to the VIP tent with Y/N H--I didn't even know they were still together damn good for them." getawayscholar applauds on her stream; the chat floods with clapping hands emojis and various hearts.

The stream on screen shows Travis approaching you and Tom, shaking Tom's hand and making you jump for a high five with a jovial smile on his face. The three are talking while they walk to where Travis is seated.

"And they're seated with Travis, holy shit the world is healing."

Paramore's opener set begins. The stream on screen refocuses to the stage for the next 5 songs.

getawayscholar's stream chat floods with messages: "change source stream!" "check VIP tent!" "some shit's going down on VIP go go go!"

New Instagram Live streaming on getawayscholar's big screen shows you and Tom in your own little bubble, dancing with each other to "The Only Exception". You're singing the words to him.

"'Didn't I read somewhere that these two got married?' I don't know about this one yet, guys but if they did ohh my god good for them! Look at these two they look like the definition of in love and unbothered--Hold up what's going on why's Jan in the VIP tent?"

The stream on screen shows Jan talking to Travis and you, looking panicked, making a gesture for you two to follow him to the stage. Tom holds on to your hand as you're leaving. You mouth many words. Visibly "It's okay" and "I love you" before giving him a kiss and running out of the tent with Travis.

"What's going on, y'all? Are we getting Travis on stage again? Maybe for the Lover era this time?!" getawayscholar squeals on her stream, visibly kicking her feet for a few seconds before abruptly stopping. "But hold on, why do they need Y/N H., though?"

The chat pops up with one new message: 'Not sure how accurate it is but I read somewhere that Y/N H. did some work for the TTPD Era stage design? Maybe it's something about the glitch?'

The stream on screen refocuses back to Paramore on the stage for the rest of the opener set. The countdown clock appears on screen. When the clock strikes 00:00, the dancers come out on stage. The show proceeds as scheduled until the end of You Need to Calm Down. Taylor approaches the mic with her guitar and begins her opening remarks.

"What a bittersweet honor it is that I get to say these words for the last time where in Wembley Stadium. London, welcome to the Eras Tour!" The crowd applauds and cheers. getawayscholar applauds from her seat at home. "The last time we were here a few months ago we made some absolutely insane memories on this stage, in this stadium…" The stage screen flashes to Travis walking out in a suit and top hat on Night 3, leading to more cheers. "And I can't wait to make some more with you tonight."

getawayscholar sits up straight, looking excited and panicked. "What does that mean, Taylor?!" she shouts on her stream.

Taylor starts playing Lover, with a longer musical interlude after the first chorus. She starts speaking again while playing the interlude chords.

"Now you all know how sometimes I like to bring out a few special guests up here on stage." The crowd screams and claps. "Well tonight I'd like to bring someone out that has been an absolute delight to have known for the better part of a decade. She's one of the most brilliant minds I'll ever meet in my lifetime, and the only person I know who sleeps about as much as I do. Which according to you all is…next to never." 

"Ohh my god what is happening--" the Instagram Live streamer starts shouting.

"She has made her mark on so much of this tour, from our stage design, the Tortured Poets dress, the reputation bodysuit, the graphics on the screen that are nothing short of breathtaking and sometimes terrifying. I mean, you all said it, not me." The crowd erupts in laughter. "So I'd like you all to help me welcome on to the stage…stage designer, costume designer, graphic designer, fellow mastermind, and a dear personal friend of mine…Y/N Hiddleston."

The crowd from the stream gasps. getawayscholar gasps and squeals in her seat, gripping her chair armrests tight as a platform opens to reveal you rising up to the stage in a navy bodysuit short dress with gold lace detailing, mic in hand. You look to the VIP tent, blowing a kiss to your husband before you start singing.

"We could let our friends crash in the living room This is our place, we've made those calls"

"Did they switch up the lyrics?!" getawayscholar squeals, starting to bounce in her chair.

"And I don't give a damn if everyone who sees you wants you I've loved you eight summers now, honey And I want 'em all"

The stream on screen zooms in to the VIP tent, Tom has made his way to the front, tears in his eyes as he watches you on stage.

"And I'll go where you go We swore to always be this close Forever and ever and oh Take me out, take me home You're my my my lover"

Another extended interlude as you walk over to Taylor and you give each other an embrace, looking like excited childhood friends as you sway side to side before parting ways and walking to opposite sides of the end of the stage. You stop at the edge, facing the VIP tent.

Taylor sings to the crowd, "Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand? With every guitar string scar on my hand"

You point towards the VIP tent, right at Tom, before joining Taylor and singing, "I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover" . You both sing the next few lines of the bridge until Taylor stops to give the final line over to you, revealing that this line was also rewritten for the show.

"And at every table…you've saved me a seat. Lover."

The stream on screen changes sources to someone streaming from a much closer angle, the camera zooming in to the detailing on your costume.

"Holy shit this woman is something else. It's the quiet unhinged energy for me and in this household we love Y/N Hiddleston," getawayscholar tells her stream, grabbing a screenshot of the intricate gold lace detailing on your dress, revealing that some portions were made of embroidered lettering that spelled out "I ♥︎ TH".

"Lover" ends and you and Taylor walk towards the center of the end platform, joining hands and raising them in the air before taking a bow.

The stream on screen pans the camera over to the VIP tent, zooming in on Tom applauding with a brilliant smile on his face before pointing at the stage and shouting, "That's my wife!"

Taylor addresses the crowd again. "Now…seeing that this is our last night here in Wembley Stadium, I figured a few more surprises sprinkled in wouldn't hurt." She motions toward you with both arms before the piano for the acoustic section emerges from under the stage and she sits in front of it, both of you nodding at each other before she started playing. The crowd erupts into cheers again as you started singing.

"Combat…I'm ready for combat…"

Overwhelming.

That was the only word you could think of to describe this moment right here, standing on stage with Taylor in the dress you'd worked on for weeks and fully knowing that by now, multiple posts had been made on the details you worked into the lace. Probably even some news articles from various sites, both reputable and otherwise.

You both joined hands, raising them up in the air before you took a bow again, doing a little hair flip when you came back up. The platform then began to descend and Taylor pulled you into an embrace.

"I'm so happy I actually got to share a stage with you," she said excitedly, giving you a squeeze before being whisked off to change into her Fearless era dress. "Drinks after the show?" she called out while she shimmied out of her bodysuit.

"Count on it, Babes," you answered her, shimmying out of your own dress that one of her dancers helped you out of. Once you were back in your regular dress and shrugged your jacket on, you found the crew applauding you and cheering you on. Taylor included.

"You did great, Tater Tot," Travis spoke up. "Now come on I gotta get you back to VIP before your husband gets hounded."

You gave them all a little salute before running out of the prep area, giving the towering hulk of an athlete a pointed look. "For the record, only you and Taylor can call me that and live to tell the tale."

"I know I know," he answered, chuckling as he opened the curtain leading to the VIP tent. Once the thick fabric was put aside, the attendees in the VIP tent greeted you with a relatively quieter round of cheers and applause. They all mostly stepped aside as you made your way through them, revealing your husband at the front of the rows. "There you go, dude. Back in one piece."

Tom met you halfway, pulling you into his arms and lifting you into the air once you got close enough. "That was incredible," he told you, his tone full of wonder. You could feel his heart racing through his shirt. "You are incredible, goddess."

He placed you back on your feet, keeping you in his arms as he rested his forehead on yours. It was only at this moment that you realized he'd walked you into a corner of the section, far enough away from the fleetingly curious onlookers whose collective focus was once again on Taylor and the opening notes of Love Story.

"You have no idea how damn lucky I feel every day that I get to call you my wife," he said softly, just enough for you to hear before he started kissing along the side of your face.

"Really? It wasn't too much?" The magnitude of the gesture was finally really sinking in, your mind going so many places on what you just signed yourself up for. Placing yourself in the crosshairs of the same vitriolic people that were once chomping at the bit nearly a decade ago after knowing relative peace for so long. "I know big gestures aren't really our thing but--"

"It was perfect," he cut you off, pressing a kiss to your lips that had you melting in his arms. "You're perfect. I love you so much."

"I love you, too," you said breathlessly once he broke the kiss. He held your hand and led you back to the front of the tent, positioning himself behind you and letting you relax against him as he held you in his arms for the remainder of the show.

"There's no more surprises for the rest of the night, though, I hope?" he asked, pressing a kiss to the top of your head before holding you a touch tighter. "Because I'm not too open to the idea of letting you out of my arms unless it's to drive us home."

"No more surprises," you reassured him, placing your hand over his. "But I did promise Taylor I'm meeting her for drinks after the show…"

For the most part you kept to your word, there really were no other surprises you had planned for the night, and save for your husband going to grab a snack for the two of you from the catering table, he really didn't let you out of his sight for the following sets. It was only when Taylor stepped out for the acoustic set that you were both slightly taken aback when she chose to address you again.

"Well then…welcome to the acoustic section, everybody." You and the entire crowd began to clap and cheer loudly. "Trying to decide what would be good to do for tonight since it's our last night together and all…But first let's get some choices off the board." Then she faced the VIP tent. "Y/N, Babes…how much trouble would you be in if I play Getaway Car?"

The entire tent burst into laughter as you scrambled to keep a poker face, already anticipating that she'd pull that joke when she mentioned it in your texts the night before. You began to mouth a message back to her. "Taylor no…my husband is right here have mercy on my damn legs."

You broke out into a smile toward the end when she had to shut her eyes and compose herself because her shoulders started shaking from her laughs. "I mean I kind of thought so but it was worth a shot." Then she shrugged and started strumming some chords; the crowd erupted into cheers again when she began to sing.

"The moon is high like your friends were the night that we first met…"

A/N: All cards on the table, I've had this chapter planned for so long but seeing all the happy lil insanities that happened this weekend in Wembley made me decide to put some time aside today and start on this chapter earlier today. I did not, however, expect to be finishing the chapter today as well 😂 And also I figured since I already had the reveal out that the OLTK blorbos are married, I can go ahead and shift some plans around and make some "married era" chapters when the mood strikes and ohh boi howdy did the mood strike today 🫠

'everything' taglist: @simplyholl @loopsisloops @imalovernotahater @coldnique @loz-3 @huntress-artemiss @salempoe @vickie5446 @athalialaufeyson @lokiprompts @kats72 @kikster606 @asgards-princess-of-mischief @lokixryss @thomase1 @mischief2sarawr @lovingchoices14 @lunarnights95 @goblingirlsarah @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @creationsbyme @maple-seed @mjsthrillernp @ladyofthestayingpower @mygfloki @sititran @glitterylokislut @ozymdias @fictive-sl0th  @lokidbadguy @mochie85 @silverfire475 @joyful-enchantress @elizabethmidnight2017 @holdmytesseract @smolvenger @gigglingtiggerv2 @lokidokieokie @lunarnights95 @superficialdomina @kmc1989 @november-rayne @goddessofwonderland @buttercupcookies-blog @peaky-marvel @lokiified @tom-hlover @dryyoursaltyoceantears @herdetectivetheorist

[bananaofswifts]

HOW DO WE measure the impact of a musician in 2023? Streams can be bought. Awards can be finessed. Is it when demand for show tickets leads to a congressional hearing about Ticketmaster’s policies? Or when flight attendants shout out a fanbase making a pilgrimage to see a tour opener? Or when TikToks of merch inspirations and setlist predictions rack up millions of views? Nearly a decade ago, a headline ran declaring ‘Taylor Swift Is The Music Industry’ and those with even the slightest pulse on pop culture can tell she’s only grown more omnipresent since. It all led to a warm evening in Glendale, Arizona where months after delivering her most commercially-successful album to date, Midnights, Swift debuted a discography-spanning setlist that lasted over three hours and kicked off an aptly-named stadium run. The Eras Tour has arrived.

The sheer length of the set is a feat, but not completely surprising considering the breadth of catalog at Swift’s disposal. Watching the 12-time Grammy winner take the stage right at 8pm, and continue past 11pm triggers the often overused cliché: Who’s doing it like her?

After night had fallen and GAYLE and Paramore revved the crowd up with a mix of recent chart-toppers (GAYLE’s “abcdefu”) and cultural anthems (Paramore’s “Misery Business”), it was time for the main event. At 7:57pm, a timer appeared on a massive screen prompting screams from all corners of State Farm Stadium. Lesley Gore’s “You Don’t Own Me” played as fans braced themselves for the arrival of Swift. When the timer hit 0:00, the house we’d seen in the “Lover” music video assembled on the screen, indicating that this evening was first and foremost about reviving the feelings each era evoked.

“So tonight, we’re going to be going through an adventure, one era at a time,” Swift said. “We’re going to be exploring the last seventeen years of music that I’ve been lucky enough to make and you’ve been kind enough to care about.”

It’s easy to compare one of Swift’s stadium shows to something you’d see on Broadway — never has that been more true than for The Eras Tour. The setlist is cut up into acts, grouped together by eras for each of Swift’s ten studio albums. For each era/act, Swift went full-send into that album’s look, feel, costume, color blocking, and more.

Many eras got a few songs. At one moment, it seemed like Swift’s soft spot for Folklore would mean we’d hear the entire album. On the opposite end, Speak Now’s part of the show was short but impactful. Swift played only one song from her third studio album, “Enchanted,” while wearing a stunning floor-length ballroom gown designed by Nicole + Derr. Hopping from act to act, Swift made it extremely clear when she’s taking the audience out of one era and into another. This isn’t a hastily put together setlist with a vague thread of connective tissue — Swift is taking her audience on a nostalgic extravaganza.

For both Swift and her fans, it’s been a long road to get to The Eras Tour kickoff. Friday night’s opener was four projects, millions of record sales, and over 1,500 days removed from the last tour stop on the Reputation stadium tour in 2018. Plus, who can forget the Ticketmaster fiasco in handling the sale of The Eras Tour tickets, which not only prompted an apology to Swift from the ticketing monopoly but also for Congress to investigate.

In perhaps a sympathetic nod to the canceled Lover Fest, Swift began the festivities with the Lover era. Wearing a jaw-dropping Versace bodysuit, Swift launched into “Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince” for the opening number. Swifties eager to see “Cruel Summer” live weren’t disappointed, as Swift strutted down the catwalk towards the stadium’s center, belting out the fast-paced bridge eager to deliver what stans had snatched away from them due to pandemic-related cancellations.

For “The Man,” Swift completed her Versace look with a blazer and made sure everyone could see the red bottoms when she kicked her feet up on a conference room table as she delivered the masterfully written and scathing assessment of gender inequality in pop culture. Swift closed out the Lover era act with “You Need to Calm Down” and “The Archer,” the latter getting a beautifully stripped down rendition so Swift’s vocals echoed across the stadium: “Because all of my enemies started out friends / Help me hold onto you.”

At one point, as Swift ran through hits from her Fearless era, she flashed a smile and announced to the crowd that she was taking us back to high school with her. The nostalgia seeped into the show, resulting in some of the loudest crowd participation yet, especially from those old enough to have grown up with Swift and were in high school at the same time she was. The singer ran through “Fearless,” “You Belong With Me,” and “Love Story,” reminding us of a time when we discovered the pop phenomenon unbeknownst to the level of celebrity she’d achieve.

Something about Swift — she’s online. If the fact that she decided to end last night with the TikTok-friendly “Karma” doesn’t make that obvious enough, her joke about disliking Evermore hammers home the point.

“We’re currently in the middle of the Evermore album, which is an album I absolutely love despite what some of you say on TikTok,” Swift said with a grin.

Later on in the act reserved for her ninth studio album, in line with how theatrical the event was, Swift set up a beautiful dinner setting only to deliver a heart-wrenching rendition of “Tolerate It.” She also performed “Tis the Damn Season,” “Willow,” “Marjorie,” and “Champagne Problems,” giving fans a sizable taste of the Evermore live experience they weren’t able to receive when the project came out in 2020.

For the acts dedicated to Reputation and Red, fans were treated to a masterclass in visuals and hitmaking, two key elements that has assured Swift prolonged success for as long as she’s had it. The powerful, striking, snake motifs were an awesome callback for fans who attended the Reputation tour.

For Red, Swift went through “22,” “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” and “I Knew You Were Trouble. She closed out the act with a beautiful performance of the 10-minute “Taylor’s Version” of “All Too Well.” In the evening’s most ethereal moment, small white confetti made to look like snow blanketed the State Farm Stadium as she neared the end of her magnum opus, singing “Because in this city’s barren cold/I still remember the first fall of snow/And how it glistened how it fell/I remember it all too well.” Not only is Swift a savant for world-building, but she’s perfected the ability to translate those worlds into the live experience.

Swift wasn’t shy about making sure people got the full Folklore live experience. A makeshift cabin, not unlike the one made during Swift’s 2021 Grammys performance, sat on the stage with Swift perched on it during “Invisible String.” The star also discussed how she finally got comfortable crafting narratives for purely fictional characters, rather than ripping them from the headlines about her life.

“Folklore was such a different album for me. I start writing it about two seconds into the pandemic. I was just so very aware of how much time I was going to have to spend away from you,” Swift explained before launching into “Betty,” “The Last Great American Dynasty,” “August,” “Illicit Affairs,” “My Tears Ricochet,” and “Cardigan.” “With this album, I thought it would be so fun to create characters, and storylines, and they can live in different times, and then can do all of these things, and they could fall in love and hurt each other and go to war…”

1989’s era act turned the party up and restored the energy, with Swift donning a Roberto Cavalli top and skirt and going through “Style,” “Blank Space,” “Shake It Off,” “Wildest Dreams,” and “Bad Blood.”

To cap off the evening, Swift returned to Midnights, performing album highlights “Lavender Haze,” “Mastermind,” and more. It was hard to ignore the immense gratitude the singer continued to exude throughout the evening, with the “thank yous” coming more and more often the closer she got to the end.

Eventually, the singer asked the crowd if they had time for one more and launched into her finale, “Karma,” a track with a passionate chorus that’s begging to be scream-sung in a room of about 60,000 who’ve been waiting for this exact moment for years. Maybe it’s fitting that an artist who’s had more than her fair share of ups and downs, and at times has been the most polarizing musician alive, ends her stadium tour opener with a song about how she can finally protect her peace. Karma’s a relaxing thought, indeed.

The Eras Tour is a feat. It’s live music at its highest spectacle and greatest excess. And for most, without the catalog and showmanship of Swift, it’d be too much. But 17 years into her career, maybe we ought to stop being surprised when she finds a way to top her own efforts year after year. Towards the end of Paramore’s set, Swift’s good friend Hayley Williams said we had gathered that evening to celebrate Swift’s incredible career. There’s something funny about a greatest hits concert for someone who’s never been more in her prime, isn’t there?

[greatestwizardofthisage]

assigning each of the bad kids a taylor swift era because i am feeling deprived of tswift content now that she's on break from the eras tour

Kristen: Fearless. I can't even explain why, but to me that album is just so sunny and in my mind it fits Kristen perfectly. I think maybe it's because Fearless was one of the first album I ever really loved, then when I was older the rerecording is what got me back into tswift and I can totally see Kristen going through a similar journey with it where maybe she loves it as a kid but then stops listening to it as she distances herself from her childhood/family, only to fall in love with it again later on. Also I feel like the country vibes fit her well. (She would also LOVE betty but she would pretend it's a lesbian anthem)

Gorgug: Ok this feels controversial but he's a Lover stan. I just fully belive that to his core Gorgug is a lover not a hater and he would un ironically love Lover. Like to me that album is all about having gone through some bad shit and choosing to only carry forward the best of it? And that fits with my perception of Gorgug. ALSO the end of afterglow 'I want to be defined by the things that I love, not the things that I hate, or the things that haunt me in the middle of the night' just feels very Gorgug coded to me dont ask me why. However if you've seen any of my other posts about music and the bad kids you know that I wholeheartedly believe Gorgug loves all music so I think he'd be hard pressed to choose a favourite album.

Riz: Midnights. And not just because this kid never sleeps. Bassically I really couldn't decide which album he would listen to because none of them really fit, but then I started thinking about specific lyrics and I think Midnights has the most that he could relate to. I mean 'no one wanted to play with me as a little kid so I've been scheming like a criminal ever since' is about him. You can't change my mind. I do think though that Riz is definitely more invested in all the easter eggs and firguring out which album is coming next over actually listening to her music. Like he would for sure be among the first to figure out all her clues.

Fabian: 1989 and Folklore. I fully to the bottom of my heart belive that until his sophmore year Fabian would exclusivly be listening to pop music, sea shanties, and weird elven music. So obviously he would love the greatest pop album ever made. He wouldn't listen to Folklore until post sophmore character development. Also he would For Sure learn the choreography for the dance in the background of Dress on the Rep tour and recreat it perfectly using his sheet.

Fig: Speak Now. I mean do I even need to explain this? It's the perfect album for Fig. It's the kind of thing she would have loved when she was in her Preppy Cheerleader phase, but it has just enough of that pop punk influence that I feel like she could still appreciate it when she's older. I feel like she would definitly take issue with some of the misogynistic lyrics used in some of the songs, and would be all for the lyric change in Better Than Revenge. Also as I've mentioned many times before, Fig would love Paramore, and would LOVE Castles Crumbling. Like you're going to sit here and tell me that lines like 'They used to cheer when they saw my face, Now I fear I have fallen from grace' + 'Their faith was strong, but I pushed it too far, I held that grudge 'til it tore me apart' + 'Ones I loved tried to help, so I ran them off, And here I sit alone, behind walls of regret' + 'People look at me like I'm a monster, Now they're screaming at the palace front gates, used to chant my name, Now they're screaming that they hate me, Never wanted you to hate me' weren't written by Figueroth Faeth? I also just think songs like Never Grow Up and Long Live would perfectly fit with her not so secret sentimental streak.

Adaine: Evermore and Folklore. I think theres just a sort of elegence to these albums that really reminds me of Adaine. I also think theres so much vulnerability in them and a lot of the songs touch on feelings of not being good enough for others (mirrorball, tolerate it, this is me trying, right where you left me) that I think she could relate to not from a romantic relationship standpoint but from all the expectations placed on her by her parents. I also think that although these are probably the most low key of tswifts albums, they have some good angry songs (no body no crime, illicit affairs, mad woman) that she would definitly love. But yeah this is mostly based on aesthetics. Evermore and Folklore were albums written with a quill and Adaine is the kind of girl to appreciate this.

[itwaslegendary]

okay here comes a LONGGGGG post about my experience at eras 🫶

———

we arrived yesterday. today in the morning i went have breakfast (a shake and some crepes) and then i went back to the hotel with my friend to get dressed up. after that we went grab the metro to the santiago bernabeu stop because it’s the closest one to the stadium.

when we got down and saw the stadium for the first time (well- second for me) we started freaking out because we were SO CLOSE to actually being IN there.

we first went check out the merch stores, at first i wasn’t going to buy anything but i ended up deciding to get the blue crewneck :,) afterwards we went look for a place to eat. i had a plate of pasta.

then we took some pictures outside (there was an eras tour film poster!!) and during the hour we had until our doors opened we decided to go trade bracelets. my friend ran out of them but because i was a beast and made 60 for 1 night i still have a few left.

i swear to god everyone was SO NICE, which was so refreshing because i’m used to the people in my school which are the closest thing to demons tbh. plus after having been bullied and excluded from all kinds of hangouts it felt so beautiful to feel included and see everyone so warming and friendly. 😭 if i could live at a taylor swift concert i would.

16:00 came and we decided to join our queue because even thought we had assigned seats we wanted to go in asap ! at first i was worried because i had a portable battery and i thought they’d throw it but ig the guard didn’t see it because we got in without any problem! by 16:20 we were in :D

our section was right in front of us but we wanted to check where the bathroom was first. the “field” is not closed so you could kinda see the stage and GUYS we freaked out again because there’s no way to describe what you feel when you see the eras tour stage for the first time because it means you’re THERE. that this is happening and you’re actually going to see taylor perform a 3 hour and a half show with all her eras (except debut but that’s a topic for another day). that the day you’ve been waiting for for so long has finally come. 😭

we talked a lot with a girl in front of us and the two beside us (the seats next to me were empty until way after paramore finished) and they were super nice, we love them 🫶 we traded some other bracelets and took some photos

then paramore came out and hayley was SO GOOD!!!! while they’re not my favorite band they were soooo fun and i knew some songs so i sang along :,) however i was sweating so much and i also needed to go to the bathroom because i had drunk like 5 bottles of water because it was HOT and also i was afraid of dehydration lol. so i had to miss 2 songs so i could go refresh myself.

we kept waiting and here i got mad because after paramore my friend said “i’m going to the bathroom” and i was like ok sure. 20 minutes went by and she was still not here so i got scared thinking i’d lost her, so i went find her…. the minute i crossed the door in ha mood started playing and everyone screamed. my friend was in the queue all nice and was the next to go in, so i got back to our seats and asked one of the girls we’d befriended if the “cleaning cart” had come out and she said yes 😭 i had missed that moment but all fine

my friend came back during applause. the countdown started and we all FREAKED OUT X3 and started counting down screaming from 13 downwards. i filmed my reaction to the intro because while i had seen it a billion times already seeing it live feels SO DIFFERENT (but the video got cut the instant taylor appeared smh). i was trembling and almost crying, for some reason singing along to the intro like it was my job.

… SHE came out. we screamed cried probably fainted too and here i kinda lost myself because i just remember being so excited about the bodysuit (i love purple and the tassels JSKAJ) and thinking like “oh my god she’s there she’s actually there i am seeing her in person she’s so pretty what what wHAT” and screaming miss americana + cruel summer like it was my only purpose in this life.

the crowd was insanely loud so i decided to play it safe and put earplugs on and LORDDDD THE DIFFERENCE taylor sounded SO much better, like you could actually hear her voice clearly and neatly and i got out with no ringing or pain whatsoever. i could sing along quite loudly and perfectly fine without only hearing myself (i only took them out in very specific occasions like illicit affairs and the smallest man who ever lived)

she spoke to us in spanish too 😭 just a few words but “encantada de conoceros” “hola” "vamos!!" “bienvenidos a la eras tour” “muchas gracias” etc. told us how we were being sooo loud and probably the loudest crowd ever!!! she also said that we all made her feel at home here not only in the stadium but also outside <3 (ik she says more or less the same things in every country but shhhh)

the 22 hat kid was ADORABLE he was so excited to get the hat and the interaction was so cute overall <3 during all too well she stopped a second to say that we were singing sooo loud (which from what i’ve seen does not happen too often!) and that this is the loudest she has ever heard this song 💓

during reputation we screamed “in the middle of the night in madrid” andddd we believe that she may have sung it too during the last verse which would be INCREDIBLE and so iconic 😭

in folkmore there was an issue with her guitar (she did not explain what) but it got fixed super quickly. i love small mishaps like these because it makes her look more authentic (?), like closer to the public, makes the atmosphere kinda look like we are all friends in here and she’s just at a cafe with a friend chatting jksja.

she also had to stop twice; once during betty and another during august, because some people in GA needed help. she saw the flashlights and asked (in spanish) the guards and sanitary staff to help. it was so nice to see how much she cares for the safety of her crowds, like you could see during betty how her face changed to a soft expression once she's told that everything was okay 🤍 we also have to thank that the staff in our show was fast and did everything right :)

the champagne problems ovation was adorable, i love in general her reactions because that’s pookie right there. it’s so personal to me how she throws her arms around her head and laughs and says i love you thank you like a hundred times ugh i love her with my whole soul ☹️

1989 was soo fun! (i got the outfit right but wrong order 😭) but the bad blood fires were. pretty noticeable LMFKWOS it was already hot and with then the thing got much hotter but it cooled down quite fast.

TTPD OH MY GODDDDD it’s def my favorite set. loved the choreo the outfits the setlist EVERYTHINGGGGG. i screamed the the smallest man who ever lived sooo loud and the i can do it with a broken heart’s “intro” was so fun too ajdkaj. i loved so high school even if it was just 30 seconds jdka

THE. SURPRISE. SONGS. at first she started talking about how we have been supporting her since the beginning and we knew a debut song was coming. the jump then fall mashup was AWESOME it’s one of my faves from fearless and it fit so well 🫶

for the piano one she said nothing. she just sat and started playing. i knew that i recognized the song but i could not fully realize which song it was until she sang “i’m perfectly fine” and there i lost it. i went blank for 5 seconds and then just SCREAMEDDDDD those lyrics like my life depended on it. i will never hear these 3 songs the same way again 🥹

after those surprise songs i went blank again but this time because the visuals of lavender haze are so beautiful i had to record them. i had to sit down during mastermind because my feet were exhausted… during karma i had a breakdown because it meant that the best day of my entire life was coming to an end, so i was singing along while crying like a little kid.

overall, i would repeat this a billion more times. it was the best night of my life and it has marked a before and after in my life (not exaggerating) and i hope i have the chance to experience these same feelings again for a future tour 🫶

[remingtonisleithal]

I just think that what mcr did at the wwwy fest is beyond words, but I'm going to try anyway.

As a self proclaimed emo, I naturally feel nostalgia towards the 2000s emo culture, with the release of three cheers and the black parade albums, with fall out boy, with paramore, all of the songs with lyrics now written in our hearts being new. I feel incredibly nostalgic, but the interesting thing is that I'm nostalgic for an era I was barely alive to see. I'm a 2000s kid, I was less than a year old when three cheers was released. But I feel nostalgic towards it, I feel like things would have been better if I was born earlier to experience it.

But what MCR have done is they have said, to the media, to nostalgia, to the corporations bringing emo back for profit, not for sub-culture, is a big, total "FUCK YOU". And I think that's beautiful.

See, what my chemical romance is, and will always be, is something that you don't understand. That you can't quite grasp. Every time you think you know them, and decide who they are, they will do something so batshit to say "No. That's not us, we are whatever the fuck we want to be and we are proud of it." They did this in each era. They eyeshadow, they kissed each other, they wore all black, they wore bright colours and sang about a comic they made. They faked their fucking death.

So they wore their Revenge era outfits to the when we were young fest. This is already tongue in cheek, wearing something from when they were young to a nostalgia trip of a festival. But then adding in the prosthetics. Bringing you back to the present. Reminding yourself that that's not where you are anymore, the past cannot come back. And that's a good thing. Because they played all their hits, none of the niche stuff the mcrmy has a passion for. They didn't talk between songs and played the band they were supposed to be, pigeon-holed into for the longest time. So much so that it was killing them, it's why they split up. Because if they didn't, if they stayed the way they were told they were supposed to be, they would have ended up dead (evident by their outfits, particularly mikey, I haven't seen a single photo of his outfit and I heard that he was covered in blood, no prosthetics, which can be read into as something bad happening to him, leaving him to die young, which would have been the harsh reality if they pushed themselves into this).

My Chemical Romance has always and will always tell you who they are, which will always be the opposite of what people tell them to be. And right now, the media is making them into some sort of glorified revival band, but that's not it. They're just them. They don't want the fucking nostalgia to take them back to a place that nearly killed them. They never wanted to be pigeon-holed into being emo, even speaking out about hating the stereotype (which changed so much from what it was when they were growing up, it shifted into some kind of store-bought ripped jeaned teens with a passion for razor blades instead of angst souls surviving through music) and yet the same stereotype--which was once protested as being anti-religious, propaganda, a suicide cult and more--is being paraded around as a nostalgic gem to be worshipped. A trend. And you bet your ass that ray toro, mikey way, frank iero and gerard way are going to shit on all of that.

It was never about the money. The hits. The costumes. The crowds. It was about saving lives by being yourself, and looking into the past, reminiscing over how things were through the rose-tinted lens of time, isn't going to save anyone. It's going to leave you without anything in the present. You have to evolve. And bullshitting yourselves into being something you're not, or believing the grass was greener is only bullshitting yourself. It's not rebellion, it's suicide. The exact thing my chem is trying to stop. The haunting prosthetics serve as a reminder that while it's fun to revisit the past, you cannot stay that way. You have to carry on.

[fbfh]

miss missing you - percy x reader

 1.1k words

 pls listen to miss missing you by fob and conspiracy and where the lines overlap by paramore

The end of the summer could pretty miserable for a lot of reasons

But you always tried your hardest not to focus on that

Communicating with other demigods was pretty hard sometimes

You couldn’t really call or text, and writing letters was hard unless it was in greek, but that could seem pretty suspicious

But love can make you pretty creative

Over your years of being together, you and Percy have worked out a pretty good system

You managed to get your hands on old fashioned camcorders, dvd players, and blank dvds among other things

You film little video diaries every day, burn them onto a dvd, and mail them to each other

You’ve also gotten into the habit of filming during your time at camp half blood, too

The only consistency you have nine months out of the year is getting a big orange envelope from percy with a dvd of his face, polaroids of him and his mom, and little notes in greek

The singing thing started when he had a particularly rough week

He was behind in school, drama had erupted with the few friends he had managed to make, and his mom had the flu

He missed you so much it physically hurt

All he wanted was to feel your touch

Maybe hear your voice in person instead of through shitty dvd player speakers that stopped being made in 2006

He kept thinking back to being at camp with you

Those moments when you smelled like chlorine and your hair was warm from the sun

He missed the taste of your lip balm, the strawberry one with spf you only used in summer

When you would hug him and the knot from your tied up camp shirt would poke his stomach, the way your laugh blended seamlessly with the crackle of the bonfire

And now it was abysmally icy outside, and his seasonal depression was in full swing

“I just miss you… miss your voice. I can’t catch up on my homework because every time I try to, that song conspiracy by paramore won’t stop playing in my head even though I haven’t listened to it since middle school, so… I dunno what’s going on up here,” 

He smiled, rubbing the back of his neck, but you could tell he was really struggling

The next video you sent included a clip of you singing and dancing along to conspiracy in your kitchen, followed by your step parent asking what you’re doing up this late

It ended with you in your room, bidding him good night

You included a polaroid of  you kissing the teddy bear he got you for your birthday, and written on the back in greek,

“Remember ‘where the lines overlap’? What a banger ♥️”

You went back and forth for weeks, sending clips of you singing old songs you listened to in middle school among your other videos

You’d talk about school and camp, you’d dream about the future together, talk about getting a little apartment together after you graduate

Every time Percy came home and saw his mom holding an envelope with that specific look on her face, he knew something from you had arrived

That was the main thing that got him through each semester

Any time there was a school break, you tried to meet up with him

What felt like half an eternity later, you were both cramming for graduation

He had gotten into a college close to where he lived on a swimming scholarship 

The minute you got home from graduation, you ran into your room to pack for camp

You were coming early this year and nothing could stop you

You even risked an iris message to Percy while you got ready

You had no idea if you would be able to pull off the surprise you’d been working on, but you were going to do everything possible to make it happen

After you hung up, you finished the smaller surprise for his birthday

That summer was among the best you’d ever had

As august drew nearer, you started to get nervous again

Chiron had dropped by a few days before Percy’s birthday to give you a letter in person

“It seems important”

It was

You were beyond elated, things were finally falling into place

Once it was finally Percy’s birthday, you had pulled him aside to have a quiet moment together to give him his present

He unwrapped it, and gave you a confused look, a smile already unstoppable on his face

“All of our songs,” you said, “in chronological order.” 

And there it was

All of the songs you’ve sung and danced to numbered in blue fine tip sharpie

He pulled you in for a tight hug

You savored it for a moment, his hugs are always amazing

They’re so enveloping and warm

After a minute you mutter, “There is another surprise,”

“I was going to wait until the end of camp, but I can’t hold out on you anymore.” 

You pull the letter out of your pocket and hand it to him

You explain the plan you’ve been working on for months

You used the gifts from your godly parent to get an internship at a great company in manhattan

“I’ll need to do some training, complete some coursework, but…” 

He stared at you in disbelief

“I’m staying in New York”

He pulled you into another hug, this one tighter than before, and kissed you so warmly you thought you’d melt

After you finally pull apart, you grab the cd case and slip in a piece of paper you’d written the title of the mix tape on

He reads the title you wrote out in greek

‘Songs to dance to in our kitchen’

Our kitchen

He laughed in disbelief

“So no more mailing videos?”

You shake your head

“No more mailing videos,” 

He realized this really was the end of an era

But the beginning of a new one

Once he realized you weren’t going to be separated any more, he suddenly felt strangely nostalgic for all those times you got through together

He mentioned this, and you joked, “Oh, I can move back in with my parents if you want to keep doing that,”

“No way,” he laughed, pulling you into a hug, “I’ll miss missing you, you know, now and then... but I’d much rather have the real thing.” 

“So would I,” 

And you both got what you wanted 

Dancing in the kitchen together to songs you used to cry to

But this time everything felt alright

[rpf-bat]

Rocking Out Just For The Dead

Pairing: Frank Iero x Male!Reader

Genre: Romance, Drama

Summary: Requested by @kpopchangedmylifesstuff. You’re playing Download Festival 2007 with your band, Paramore. My Chemical Romance are headlining the festival. After your set, Frank invites you onto his tour bus, for a friendly battle of Guitar Hero 2. But, when the hanging out turns into something more, your bandmate, Josh Farro, threatens to destroy whatever you and Frank have. 

You found yourself in Donington, England, playing your band’s brand new single, “Misery Business.” Okay - technically, Paramore wasn’t your band. You’d had no part in composing their new album, which would be dropping at the end of the week. But, their rhythm guitarist, Hunter, had recently quit, to go get married. Your longtime friend, Hayley, had called you up, and asked you to fill in for him, and you had jumped at the chance. 

You had done this once before. Paramore’s bassist, Jeremy, had randomly quit in 2005 - right before the start of Warped Tour. You weren’t sure what had caused him to leave, but you played bass and guitar equally well, so Hayley had asked you to join her and the Farro brothers on tour. You had the time of your life that summer. You had been eighteen then, and had felt more than a little star-struck, when you met people in “bigger” bands. 

Now twenty, you thought yourself older and wiser.  You were determined to be a professional this time around. No petty fights with your bandmates. No acting like a fanboy around the guys playing the Main Stage. Download Festival - the final stop on their Europe tour - was going to go off without a hitch, dammit!

Jeremy, now back in the band, stood to the left of you on the stage. Josh, the guitarist, was on your right. You tried your best to keep your guitar playing in sync with them, as Hayley belted out the final chorus:

Whoa, I never meant to brag

But I got him where I want him now.

Whoa, it was never my intention to brag

To steal it all away from you now.

But God does it feel so good,

'Cause I got him where I want him now.

And if you could then you know you would.

'Cause God it just feels so...

It just feels so good…

Zach played the final drum beat, bringing the song to a close. The crowd cheered. You took Hayley’s hand, and took a bow. She grinned at you, before addressing the crowd.

“THANK YOU, DONINGTON!” she bellowed into the mic. “YOU’VE BEEN AN AMAZING CROWD! GOOD NIGHT!” 

“It’s not really ‘night’ yet, you know,” you laughed, as you and the rest of the band walked off the stage. The sun hadn’t even set yet. 

“Yeah, I know,” Hayley sighed. “They put us on this super early time slot.” 

“Because nobody knows who we are,” Josh pointed out. 

“Yeah, the headliners get the later time slots, because they’re more famous,” Jeremy nodded. 

“Well, I think the crowd loved us,” Zach smiled optimistically. 

“He’s right,” you agreed. “Hal, I think you really killed it out there!”

“Thanks,” your friend smiled, brushing her sweat-soaked orange hair out of her eyes. “I really appreciate you coming on this tour with us, Y/N. I know it was really short notice.” 

“Wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” you smiled back. 

“I thought your guitar playing was great tonight, man,” Jeremy complimented you. “A perfect grand finale.” 

“Thanks, dude,” you beamed, as you grabbed a water bottle. These summer shows were way too humid. 

“I don’t know about that,” Josh mumbled, as he wiped his face with a towel. 

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” you frowned, setting your water bottle down. 

“I thought your timing was off during ‘Emergency’,” Josh said critically. 

“Oh….I’m sorry,” you frowned. “I tried to keep up with you…..”

“You should’ve tried harder,” Josh snapped, walking away from you, back towards the bus. 

Wow, you blinked. What’s his deal? 

The elder Farro brother had been needlessly rude to you, since the tour began. You honestly had no idea what you had done to get under his skin. But, you knew better, than to pick a fight with him. Zach was his brother, and Hayley was his girlfriend. You were just an outsider - a temporary, touring member of the band. 

“Are you coming back to the bus with us, dude?” Zach asked, snapping you out of the thoughts you had gotten lost in. 

“.....Nah,” you shook your head. “I think I’m gonna, um, walk around for a bit.” 

“Oh,” Hayley frowned. “Okay. See you later, Y/N.” 

You were pretty sure that she hadn’t heard what Josh had said. You saw no reason to tell her. It would just be starting drama. 

She seemed oblivious to a lot of the tension between you and Josh. He was always on his best behavior, when he knew she was paying attention. But, if it came down to it, you doubted she would side with her guy friend, over her boyfriend. 

It doesn’t even matter, you told yourself. This is the last show of the tour. On Monday, I’ll be heading home to Nashville. He won’t be my problem anymore.

You began wandering aimlessly around the festival grounds, with no real destination in mind. 

‘Hey!” a voice called out to you. 

You looked up, and saw a face you recognized - Frank Iero. 

You had met him on Warped Tour, two years ago. His band, My Chemical Romance, had been headliners, playing the main stage. Tonight, they were headlining this festival, too. His band had gotten even more famous after the release of The Black Parade.

“Hey!” you greeted. 

“Remember me?” Frank grinned. “I know it’s been a while.” 

“How could I forget?” you chuckled. Your heart had been racing the first time you met him backstage, but he had just shook hands with you, like the difference between your bands, was no big deal. You’d had to remind yourself that you were there to play a gig, not ask for an autograph. 

 “How have you been, Frank?”, you asked, trying to play it cool. 

“I’ve been good, Y/N,” Frank smiled. “How about you?”

Oh my god, you gulped. He remembers my name. 

“I-I’ve been great,” you stammered, hoping he couldn’t tell you were blushing. 

“I watched your set earlier,” Frank said cheerfully. “You were really good, dude.” 

“I-I was?!” you gasped. “You don’t think I was playing too slow, or….?”

“Huh?” Frank blinked, confused. “No, you were amazing, bro.  Your whole band was.” 

Ha, you thought. Suck it, Josh. 

“Thank you,” you said politely. “I’m probably going to go check out your band’s set, later, too.” 

“We’ve still got a couple hours before we go onstage,” Frank shrugged. “Since your band already played, you’re free for the rest of the day, right?” 

“Um, yeah,” you nodded, willing yourself to stop thinking gay thoughts about his new haircut. How did he get even better-looking after Revenge era? This is not even fair. 

“We have a PlayStation on our bus,” Frank revealed. “I was wondering if you’d like to play some video games with Mikey and I, for a little while?”

“Oh, sure!” you accepted his offer, trying not to sound too eager. You remembered playing a Donkey Kong bongos game with Mikey a couple years back. You’d lost pretty quickly, and he’d gone to find Zach, hoping that the drummer of the group would give him more of a challenge. You were determined to look less lame this time.  

You followed Frank to My Chemical Romance’s tour bus. He opened the door for you, and you followed him in. Mikey sat on the couch, holding a game controller. 

“Hey, Mikey,” Frank greeted. “You remember Y/N, right? From Paramore?” 

“Oh, hi, Y/N,” Mikey smiled. “Long time, no see, man!” 

“No kidding,” you laughed. “How have you been, dude?” 

“Pretty good,” Mikey replied. “The new record’s doing pretty well.” 

This was perhaps the understatement of the year. The Black Parade had sold more copies in its first week, than Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge, had sold in two years. You weren’t sure if your own band would ever have that level of success. 

“I bought a copy,” you confessed. “The day it came out.”

“Aw, thanks, bro, we appreciate the support,” Mikey smiled, sounding shockingly humble. 

“When’s the new Paramore record coming out?’ Frank asked. 

“June 12th,” you replied. 

“Oh, wow, so in four days,” Frank realized. 

“Yeah,” you nodded. “But, um, I didn’t help compose it.” You were just a touring member - not a full part of the band, as he was in his. 

“I’m still gonna buy it,” Frank shrugged. 

“Thanks,” you said awkwardly.

“So,” Mikey cleared his throat, “you’re gonna play Guitar Hero 2 with us, right, Y/N?” 

“He just finished playing half an hour of guitar onstage,” Frank laughed. “You think he wants to play more?”

“I don’t mind sharpening my skills some more,” you shrugged. 

“Whoa, you’re dedicated,” Mikey said, impressed. 

Nah, you thought. I just wanna prove that Josh is wrong about my playing being shitty. 

“Here,” Frank said, handing you the guitar-shaped controller. He pulled up the game menu, with the full list of songs. “We can do any track you want.” 

“You’re going to play against me, in two-player mode?” you realized. 

“Yeah,” Frank smirked. “What’s the matter? You scared of a little challenge?” 

“No way,” you smiled slyly. “I bet I can take you.” 

“Oh, wanna bet?” Frank raised an eyebrow. “Name the song. I’ll show you what I’ve got.” 

“How about this one?” you decided, making a selection on the screen. 

“Um, Y/N…..” Mikey’s eyes widened. “That’s ‘Dead’.” 

“So what?” you smirked. 

“So, that’s our song,” Mikey pointed out.

“I know what it is,” you said certainly. 

“Wait, Y/N, are you serious?” Frank stared, mouth open in shock. “Of all the songs in the game, you want to challenge me with that one? The one I fucking wrote?” 

“What’s the matter?” you asked, staring boldly into his hazel eyes. “You scared I’ll beat you at your own game?” 

“As if,” Frank snorted. “I’ll tell you what, Y/N. If you can actually play ‘Dead’, better than the guy who plays it for a living, I’ll give you one of my fuckin’ guitars.” 

“Seriously?” Mikey gaped. “You’d give one of those away?” 

“He’s not gonna win, dude,” Frank said, with an air of certainty. 

“You wanna bet?” you challenged. 

“Okay, it’s a bet,” Frank decided. 

“If I lose, you can have my guitar,” you wagered. Unlike him, you only had one. But, the tour was over, you considered. It wasn’t like you were going to need it again in the immediate future. 

“It’s a deal,” Frank nodded, extending his hand to you. You shook on it. 

“Well, this is going to be interesting,” Mikey said warily, as he handed Frank the second controller. 

“What level do you want to play on?” Frank asked. 

“Expert, of course,” you grinned. “We’re professionals.” 

“Alright,” Frank grinned. “Just don’t come crying to me when you lose.” 

“You’ll be the one crying when you have to give up your guitar, Iero,” you bantered, feeling cocky. You played Guitar Hero with Jeremy and Josh all the time, and you never lost. It always seemed to drive Josh fucking crazy. 

He hit START, and an animated guitarist in a top hat waddled onto the screen. You heard Gerard’s vocals begin the song with a scream. 

And if your heart stops beating

I'll be here wondering

Did you get what you deserve?

The ending of your life

And if you get to heaven

I'll be here waiting, babe

Did you get what you deserve?

You focused on the fret buttons on your controller. Your Rock Meter started at yellow, but the dial quickly went up to green. You didn’t miss any notes, but, of course, neither did Frank. 

And if your life won’t wait, then your heart can’t take this….

You glanced at Frank. He waggled his eyes at you suggestively. You reddened. If he was trying to throw you off your game, he was succeeding. You told yourself sternly to focus. Then, the chorus kicked in. 

Have you heard the news that you're dead?

No one ever had much nice to say

I think they never liked you anyway

Oh, take me from the hospital bed

Wouldn't it be grand? It ain't exactly what you planned

And wouldn't it be great if we were dead?

“Fuck!” you swore. You’d forgotten how fast this part was. Frank’s fingers were, of course, dancing over the “strings” with no problem. You knew you had to catch up to him. 

You noticed your Star Power meter was almost full, so you waited for just the right moment. 

Tongue-tied and, oh, so squeamish

You never fell in love

Did you get what you deserve?

The ending of your life

And if you get to heaven

I'll be here waiting, babe

Did you get what you deserve?

Just before the second chorus kicked in, you titled the neck of your guitar upwards, activating your Star Power. This meant you would get a quadruple bonus for whatever points you earned. You gave it your all on the chorus, and watched your score go up and up. 

“Whoa!” Frank gasped, seemingly thrown off. To your surprise, he missed a note. 

“Oh, man,” Mikey groaned, from his spectator spot on the couch. 

It was still a pretty close match, when you got to the bridge. But, by the time you got to the outro, Frank seemed to be sweating. As Gerard’s prerecorded voice sang his final “la-la-la”s, the outcome became certain to you. 

If life ain’t just a joke, then, why am I dead?

Oh, dead!

PLAYER ONE WINS!, read the screen, in bright, flashing letters. You realized, panting, that you were player one. 

“I….I did it?” you gasped. 

“Holy shit,” Frank gasped, dropping his controller in shock. “He actually won.” 

He sank down onto the couch, like he couldn’t believe it. 

“Are you….mad?” you frowned, wondering if you should have talked less trash. 

“No, that was amazing!” Frank praised you. “I wasn’t expecting that at all.” 

Despite your bravado, you hadn’t really been expecting to win, either. Whatever confidence you’d lost when Josh critiqued you, had been regained tenfold. Mikey gave you a slow clap. 

“Well, a bet’s a bet,” Frank said finally, standing up, and walking to the other end of the bus. 

“Where are you going?” you blinked. 

“Getting this for you,” Frank smiled, handing you a gorgeous, white Epiphone guitar.

“Frank, you don’t have to….” you gasped. 

“No, I’m a man of my word,” Frank insisted. “I’ll even help you carry it back to your bus.” 

“You serious?” you asked, incredulous. 

“Hey, man, you earned it,” Frank shrugged. He put the guitar in its case, and then put the case on his back. “Let’s go.” 

“Thanks for hanging out with us, Y/N,” Mikey waved. “That showdown was pretty fun to watch.” 

“See ya, Mikey,” you waved back. “Thanks for having me.” 

You still couldn’t believe this had happened. They seemed so much cooler than you.

Frank was quiet at first, as you walked back to the Paramore bus. You felt awkward, unsure what to say to him. 

“So,” he asked, “do you think that your bandmates are gonna be impressed, when they see the guitar you won?” 

“I’m sure Hayley will,” you replied. “Josh….maybe not.”

“Why not?” Frank asked. “He’s the lead guitarist of your band. Wouldn’t that make him more impressed?”

“I don’t know,” you sighed. “I feel like he’s never impressed with anything I do.” 

“What’s his beef with you?” Frank asked, looking annoyed on your behalf. 

“I’m not sure,” you confessed. “Maybe it’s because he’s super Christian.”

“And you’re…..not Christian?” Frank guessed. 

“And I’m gay,” you confessed. 

“.....Oh.” Frank stopped in his tracks for a minute, seemingly taken aback by this. 

Your face went red. Fuck. Maybe you shouldn’t have said that out loud. 

“Do you, umm…..do you mind that?” you asked nervously. 

“Pfft,” Frank scoffed. “Dude. You think I ‘mind’ gay guys? Have you missed the part, where I’ve spent half this tour, making out with Gerard, in front of thousands of people?” 

“Are you and Gerard…..together?” you asked uncertainly. 

“Oh, no,” Frank shook his head quickly. “I’m totally single.” 

Your heart began to beat more quickly, as you noticed he said I’m single - not I’m straight. Were you reading him wrong? You wondered if you had the balls to make a move. 

This is the last night of the tour, you told yourself. If I don’t say something right now, I won’t get another chance. 

“Frank….”, you said, taking a deep breath, and telling yourself to man up. “I, um, I think you’re really cute.” 

“Really?” Frank said, stepping closer to you. You felt the hot metal door of the bus against your back. “Y/N, I think you’re pretty cute, too.” 

“Y-you do?” you breathed, your cheeks going hot as he leaned in. Was this real life? Or had the June heat made you start hallucinating?

“I do,” Frank smirked. “How about you give me my guitar back, and I give you a kiss instead?”

“Sounds like we have a deal,” you purred, and grabbed him by the collar, pulling him into a kiss hotter than the summer sun. He responded, eagerly, pressing you harder up against the door as his tongue found its way into your mouth. You moaned….

But, just then, you were launched violently forward, as the door swung open behind you. You and Frank hit the ground, as Josh came storming out of the bus. 

“You guys are disgusting!” he growled. 

“Dude, what’s your problem?!” Frank demanded, getting up, and brushing the dirt off his pants. He gave you his hand, and helped you up out of the grass. 

“My problem is the display of perversion, that you two are putting on, in front of God and everybody!” Josh cried. “Do you have to do that in front of my bus?!” 

“You think we’re perverts?” you gasped, shocked and hurt by his words. 

“All gay men are perverts,” Josh sneered. “What kind of image are you setting for the band? A lot of our fans are Christian. They won’t buy our new record, if they see you behaving like this, Y/N!” 

“Not every Christian is a homophobic piece of shit like you,” Frank snapped, putting himself between you and the irate guitarist. 

“What did you just call me, you nancy boy?!” Josh hissed, and threw a punch in Frank’s direction. 

Frank caught the punch in his hand. “I called you a piece of shit!” he repeated, before throwing a punch of his own. Unlike Josh’s, it connected, sending your homophobic bandmate down into the dirt. 

“You’re gonna pay for that, Iero!” Josh yelled, wiping the blood from his nose. He tried to get up, but never made it off the ground, as Frank kicked him in the ribs. 

“Frank, stop!” you cried. “That’s enough!” 

“No, it’s not!” Frank said angrily. “You said it yourself, right, Y/N? This guy has been being a dick to you all summer, just because of your sexuality! That’s bullshit!” 

He aimed another kick in Josh’s direction. You were surprised, how defensive Frank had become of you, despite knowing you for such a short time. 

“What the hell is going on here?!” cried a familiar voice. You turned, and saw Zach approaching the bus, with Hayley close behind him. 

“Hal and I leave for two seconds to go get snacks, and some asshole starts beating up my brother?!” Zach gasped. 

“Josh, oh my god, are you okay?” Hayley gasped, running over to check out her boyfriend’s nosebleed. 

“He’s not an asshole,” you explained. “Guys, this is Frank, from My Chemical Romance.” 

“I don’t care what band he’s from,” Zach said angrily. “Why is he kicking Josh?”  

“Because Josh called me a pervert,” you explained. 

“A pervert?” Hayley repeated. “Why would he say something like that?” 

“I said it, because this freak had his tongue down Y/N’s throat!” Josh explained. 

“Wait, what?” Hayley blinked. 

“We, um, yeah, we were kissing,” you admitted, embarrassed. 

“You, um…..you like to kiss guys?” Zach asked awkwardly. 

“Um, yeah,” you said, feeling uncomfortable. You had never come out to him. You knew he was a devout Christian, too, and had assumed he would hold the same views as his brother.

“That doesn’t make you a pervert,” Zach said, surprising you. 

“But, what will the fans think?!” Josh demanded. 

“Some of our fans are gay, too,” Hayley pointed out. “And there’s nothing wrong with it. I can’t believe you would call Y/N names, just for something like that.”

“Yeah, Josh, I’m really disappointed in you,” Zach frowned. You were stunned. You never expected him to take your side. 

“You don’t think that what he and Frank are doing is a sin?” Josh asked. 

“I think God loves everyone,” Zach said plainly. “And only He can judge Y/N. I’m not going to.” 

“You guys can’t be serious!” Josh gaped. 

“I’m seriously reconsidering your position in this band,” Hayley said, narrowing her eyes. “And in this relationship.” 

“What? Babe….come on,” Josh pleaded. “Y-you wouldn’t dump me, and fire me, just because of this stupid fruit…..”

“Call him a fruit one more time,” Frank snarled. “See what happens, pal.” 

“Frank, it’s okay,” you said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I have my band on my side now, and that makes….all the difference.” 

You were touched by their support. You had stayed silent this whole time, because you didn’t think you would have it. 

“Y/N, I’m sorry that my brother treated you like this,” Zach said quietly. “I want you to know, I support you, and your boyfriend.” 

“He’s not my boyfriend,” you shook your head. “We just kissed for the first time today, and….” 

“I could be your boyfriend,” Frank said softly. “If you want me to.”

“Wait, what?” 

“Do you want me to?” Frank asked, smirking at you. 

“I….I’m supposed to be going home to Tennessee soon,” you hesitated. “And you live in New Jersey, so….”

“I’m in the most famous band in the world,” Frank said smugly. “I have a private jet that can take me wherever you are.” 

“......Oh,” you blushed. 

“So,” Frank repeated, leaning in closer again, “do you want me to be your boyfriend, Y/N?”

“....Yes,” you breathed. “Yes, I do.”

You pulled him into another kiss, not caring that the rest of your band was watching. Or how much it pissed Josh off. The tour was ending, but your once-in-a-lifetime romance was just beginning. 

[fydream]

even if it is, just for tonight | p. js

☌ genre: jisung x reader, slice of life(ish), fluff, angst?, high school!au? kinda.. i wouldn't say it's a college!au but it's the summer before you move to college, the mood is a teenage coming of age movie where the main characters sneak out and do things but like not illegal things yk, best friends to lovers because i'm a sucker for that!!, inspired by life is strange episode 3 + we go up era/the we go up mv teaser + the perks of being a wallflower, mentions of ex-boyfriend!jaemin, say hi to skater boy!renjun!!! also say hi to college boy!johnny!! they're more of a touch and go but they'd appreciate a hello :-)

☌ songs/playlist: 🎵(yes these go in order of the story,,, the most important songs though are "aint it fun by" paramore and "fallingforyou" by the 1975 and maybe "is there somebody who can watch you" also by the 1975)

☌ word count: 7.3k!! 

☌ warnings: food mention, cursing, uhh breaking and entering? i wouldnt really say that but it's more off you jumping a fence and trespassing lol, also this is semi proof read lmao sorry

☌ author note: this is dedicated to my dear friend cam!! (@huangsilks​) happy birthday i love you <333 here's a lil fic bc ur senior year got cut short and as much as i wish i could give it to you, i cant, and im so sorry about that. so take this fic in return <33 mwah // all i want to do is live in a teen coming of age movie is that too much to ask for? and that's on the media romanticizing your teenage years!

☌ disclaimer: this has no relation to htbah!jisung at all. this is a completely different universe. thank you.

─ 10:45pm;

The last day of summer vacation is always fun until you realize that the sun has started to set and the inevitability of tomorrow starts creeping into your thoughts.

So what were you doing on your last day (or night in this case) of summer? You weren't doing anything special, just looking through your room and going through the various photos you had put up on your walls, recalling past memories from your previous years in high school.

Tomorrow night you were leaving your small town and moving across the country to attend college. Needless to say you were excited to move away and get a fresh start but the one thing you weren't ready for was to say goodbye to everyone.

You didn't have a going away party like everyone else, you decided not to because that meant you were actually leaving. Though your bags were packed and your room was put together, it didn't feel like you were going to college. The realization hasn't hit yet, it just felt like another normal night. You were busy looking through one of the memory boxes you had in your room when you felt your phone buzz, indicating you've gotten a text.

[sungie: hey]

[sungie: wanna go on an adventure?]

[you: wtf? the sun set already, if i get caught i'm done for!]

[sungie: c'mon.. live a little]

[sungie: im picking you up in five, get ready :)]

Park Jisung. Your best friend since, well, since elementary. He's the boy who you grew up with, the boy who you happened to survive all of high school and middle school with, he's also the boy who happened to capture your heart doing the simplest things you could imagine.

He was your first crush, but not your first boyfriend.

He also happened to be the boy who was always there for you, no matter what. So if you were going to spend your last night in the town you grew up in, why not spend it with your best friend, Park Jisung himself?

Seeing as that he was already on his way, it left you with no choice. Grabbing the closest hoodie near you, you silently made your way to your front door where you slipped on your shoes before heading outside as quietly as you could.

It takes a few minutes before you see a familiar car pull up on your childhood street. Approaching the vehicle, you hear music playing that's only being muffled due to the windows that are rolled up and the doors being shut closed.

"Hey." He says lowering the volume as you open the door to his passenger seat. "Are you ready?"

"You're fucking insane." You snort as you buckle your seatbelt. "Wake up my whole neighborhood why don't you?"

"I mean.. Only if you want me too.." He teases, placing his hand on his car horn.

"Don't you dare!" You squeal, trying to grab his wrist before he could attempt to wake up your whole neighborhood. To no avail, you failed which resulted in a fit of laughter from him.

"C'mon. Live a little." He says once more before driving away from your. house, turning out of your neighborhood and onto the empty streets.

"Where are we going?" You ask, watching the streetlights pass by.

"It's a surprise."

"That's so ominous."

"I know."

"Could you at least give me a hint?" You whine.

"I'll give you one word."

"I'll take whatever I can get."

"Okay, the word is playground."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" You ask, shooting him a glare.

"Hey! you said you'll take what you can get, and I'm giving you one word." He defends.

"You're annoying." You mumble, turning away from him to look back out the window.

"So I've been told." He snorts, focusing his attention back on the road.

Your first stop of the night is the playground of your elementary school.

It was kind of unexpected because the last time you were here was probably when you attended school here, years ago. To be honest, you were expecting to be taken to the park near your house. The playground there was mostly abandoned due to all the kids on your street growing up, you would still see other children playing on the swings or sliding down one of the tube slides but those were on good days. Most of the time it was just empty.

"School?" You ask confused, watching as Jisung unbuckles his seatbelt and opens his door to step outside, you doing the same. "Jisung, we're way to big for this playground, you know that. Why are we even here?"

"You'll see." He says, grabbing your hand to drag you over towards the gate that they used to fence off the playground. ”Are you ready?"

"Ready for what?" You ask, earning a wink in response. "Oh my god.. Jisung no!"

Before you could realize what was about to happen, the hand that Jisung was using to hold yours was now being used to help pull himself over the chain linked fence that lead to your school's playground. After successfully throwing himself over the top of the fence and landing on the other side with a light thud, he smiles at you. "Your turn."

"What the hell?! No way!" You protest. "I can't even climb a fence! You know this!"

"Actually. That's false." He confidently states, knowing he’ll win this argument. "You climbed a fence Junior year when you were hanging out with Johnny Suh and his friends."

"What? Who told you that?!" You exclaim.

"Just a little someone who's name begins with a little 'Ren' and ends with 'Jun.'" He says playfully, sending you a little wink.

"That brat!" You whisper yell. "That’s the last time I tell Renjun something.." You add, mumbling.

"So, your turn." He repeats, gesturing towards the gate in front of you.

"I can't believe I'm fucking doing this." You mumble before continuing to hoist yourself over the metal fence. Your landing wasn’t as smooth as Jisung’s, seeing as you almost lost balance trying to get down from the top resulting in Jisung having to catch you so you didn’t break an ankle or something.

"See? That wasn't so bad." He snorts, letting you go.

"I hate you." You scoff. "Why are we even here again?"

"I'm glad you asked." He says smiling, grabbing your hand once more. This time, instead of leading you to a fence you had to jump be brings you to a small play structure. It takes you approximately a minute for you to realize where you were and where he was taking you.

"Right here." He says pointing to a red tube slide. "Our first stop of the night. This is where we first met, remember? You practically shoved me down this slide because you wanted to go down it and I was in your way."

You chuckle as the first memory of you and your best friend plays. "Of course? How could I not remember? I got called into the office afterwards because some kid told one of the teachers that I was bullying you. To this day, I still don't know who told on me."

“It was Wendy, if you wanted to know.” He adds. “She told me after she told on you.” He shrugs.

“Of course it was..” You mumble, hopping up to sit against one of the bottom steps that led up to the slide.

"Is this what we came here for?" You ask, looking up at the boy who was currently climbing up the side of the playground structure.

"Ding ding ding! We have a winner!" He yells loud enough for anyone in a five mile radius hear. Maybe it’s because of how quiet it is at this time of night, or maybe it’s because he just got louder whenever he was with you. But those were besides the point, if there were any cops around right now you two would definitely have gotten caught thanks to Jisung.

He makes his way to a safer spot, where he can jump down from the top of the playground. Despite the fact he moved you still scold him for his reckless actions. "Don't do that!! You’re going to get hurt! What happens when you jump off of something and finally break your ankle, hm?"

Jisung shrugs in response. "Well you see, it hasn’t happened yet. You can even check, I’m fine. It’s okay."

"You stress me out, you know." You scoff, turning away from him to walk towards the monkey bars that were once too tall for you, but now are nothing compared to your height.

"I know." He shouts from across the playground. Because of how quiet it was with just you two being there in the dead of night you could hear his footsteps along the playground structure. You could hear it creak every now and then, making you wonder if it was Jisung causing then noises of if it was just because of how old the structure is. You think about how long it's been here, how many children have played in the exact spots you were standing in and how many more will until they decide to finally remodel or get rid of it.

"It's been ages since I've been here." You whisper, running your hand along the cool, metal railing as you climb the short steps that lead up to the top, where Jisung was waiting for you.

"I know right? Do you remember this spot?" He asks, taking a seat on the platform, which barely has enough room for both of you. "We used to sit here and gossip about who we thought were cute in the fifth grade." He snorts.

"Yeah.. And when people tried to come up here you'd yell at them for the password." You laugh. "That was really fun. A simpler time." You add, going back replaying through some of your memories which were long forgotten.

For the next couple minutes you and Jisung just sit there, reminiscing to when you were both small children, where your only worry was your guy's spot on the playground being stolen.

“This is nice..” You think to yourself. “It feels the same, just like the good old days.”

"Uhm." Jisung coughs, getting your attention. "We better get going. There are more stops to go and well, we don't have all night do we?"

"Oh. Yeah." You sigh, not wanting to get up from your spot. "Where are we going now?" You ask.

"You'll see." He says, flashing you a grin.

You smile, rolling your eyes at the boy in front of you, who was now attempting (and failing) to slide down the slide in front of you.

"It’s not slippery anymore." He frowns.

"Well, yeah." You giggle, making your way down the same way you came up. "It's been years Sungie. What'd you expect?"

"I dunno. The same amount of slipperiness?"

"You're silly." You tease, lightly pinching his cheek. "Let's go." You’re about to walk away when Jisung grabs your wrist, stopping you from waltzing away to his car.

"Are you sure?" He asks. "You were kinda hesitant to jump a fence you’ll sure you'll be ready to do whatever else I have planned for tonight?" He teases.

"Depends." You hum. "Are we going to get into any kind of trouble?"

"That's up to us."

"Then of course I'm down." You say, dragging him back the way you entered.

─ 12:23am;

The next stop is in the city near your small town. To be more specific it's the rooftop of one of the many parking garages your city has. Jisung's car is the only car parked right now due to the time being nearly twelve thirty in the morning, and you just can't help but wonder why you spent the last half an hour driving to an empty parking garage.

"Okay Park Jisung, why are we here?" You ask, leaning against the railing to look outwards for any sign of reason.

"Well first of all, if you're looking for the reason why you're on the wrong side." He chuckles, leading you towards the opposite side of the rooftop. "And if you look to your left you'll see a small venue." He says in one of those touristy guide voices, earning a giggle from you.

"Hey! Isn't that where we-"

"Saw our first concert?" He cuts you off, finishing your sentence.

"Yeah.. I remember that night. We skipped school that day to make sure we made barricade." You snort.

"It was definitely worth missing a pop quiz and two weeks of being grounded." Jisung comments.

"You act like you didn't sneak out every night during those two weeks." You joke, lightly punching his arm.

He gives you a small pout and a fake "ow." in response. "Well, yeah?" He replies. "How else was I going to see my best friend?"

"Anyone ever told you you're annoying?" You ask rolling your eyes, leaving the edge of the rooftop to walk towards the center.

"Mmm." He hums, looking up to indicate that he was thinking. "I don't think so."

"Well, you are." You say before asking "So why the rooftop?"

"I'm glad you asked." He starts, pulling out a tiny speaker from his jacket pocket. "Remember how you said you were kinda sad that we haven't gone to a concert in a while?"

"Mhm."

"Well congratulations y/n l/n because here I have a tiny speaker that'll make it feel like we're having our own mini concert on the top of this garage building tonight!" He exclaims in a fake announcer voice.

Giggling, you smile at him before going along with the joke. "Oh wow? My own private concert? Right here? Right now? With the only relevant person in my life? How could I even think about passing that up!?"

Jisung snorts before handing you the wireless speaker, allowing you to connect your phone to it. The first song you play is "Ain't It Fun" by Paramore for the sole being of it being that song.

"Paramore?" Jisung asks, a bit confused on why you chose this song out of all things to play.

You smile at him before placing the speaker on the ground. Taking both his hands you say, "Jisung. It's fucking Paramore! Do you not remember this song? This is the one we used to blast on my speakers in my bedroom whenever we had a good day. I miss that. Now c'mon! Dance with me!" You giggle, dragging him away from the speaker and to an emptier spot in the parking lot. And so he does. It's not any choreography or anything, it's just you two jumping around on a rooftop to one of your feel good songs. A carefree moment to be exact, where it feels like nothing really matters anymore.

Jisung smiles, backing away from you to watch as you jammed your heart out. If anything, he would give everything just for you to have this moment forever. He knows how stressful life can be, not to mention how hard you worked just to barely make it into your dream school. He also knows how hard it is to feel alone, so he really isn't surprised that your chose thing song because it was your song. Jisung knows a lot more than you could ever know, so if it means he only has one night left to give you everything, then so be it.

Before you know it you watch as he runs towards you, engulfing you in a hug. Shocked, you try your best to look up towards the boy who had you in his arms. If you weren't this close to him you probably wouldn't have noticed the slight glossy look over his eyes, deciding not to touch on it for now and just accept the hug as the song fades into background noise.

"You're leaving tomorrow." Jisung whispers, before pulling apart from the hug, placing his hands on your shoulders. "You're leaving, tomorrow." He states once more this time, more softly while looking at you in the eyes. "You're gonna go off to some college and find a new, maybe get a new boyfriend, and even get a life of your own."

"You know I'll never replace you." You respond back, voice barely above a whisper. You were looking at the cement on the ground or the buildings that were only light being lit up by the various lights around or the night sky, which you definitely haven't seen in a while. You were looking anywhere, everywhere that wasn't your best friend, because you knew for a fact if you looked at him in this moment you would cry.

"But hey," You say speaking up, finally getting the courage to look him in the eye. "That all starts tomorrow. I'm still here right? We still have what? Like twelve hours? So let's make the most of it while we still can, okay?"

Jisung looks down at you before giving you a sad smile. "Actually it's seventeen hours." He sniffs, letting out a light laugh.

"Okay? So? I've got seventeen hours to spare, do you have seventeen hours to spare?" You ask, teasingly.

"You can have all my time in the world, y/n." Jisung replies, pulling you back into the hug.

"Glad to know." You giggle. "Because I'm willing to give you all of mine."

Soon enough the song ends and you hear the beginning of Fallingforyou by The 1975 start to play.

"Hey," Jisung whispers. "I- Uhm. You know this song reminds me of you?" He says.

"It's does?" You ask, voice muffled due to the fact you were speaking into his chest. "Why?"

"Oh god." He starts. "You can't make fun of me for this though." He says pulling away from the hug.

"I won't. I promise."

"Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise."

"Okay well.." He starts, walking away from you. "Here goes nothing.." There's hesitation in his voice and you can't tell if it's because what he was going to say would hurt you or if he just never planned on telling you. It's silent for a few seconds before he breathes in and let's out a sigh.

"I used to like you, y'know."

Though this is just the start of his sentence you wonder why it already began to hurt. Perhaps it could be because he started his thought off with 'I used to like you.' Used to, meaning not anymore.

"Back in the beginning of Sophomore year, when I saw that you started dating Na Jaemin I realized how much I liked you. And when I saw how much you were with him and how much fun you were having with him I couldn't help but wish that were me.. I couldn't help but wonder what would've happened if I figured out my feelings before you got with him. And even after you two broke up, I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if I just confessed to you, out of the blue."

"Is that so?" You ask, walking towards the boy who was now seated on the hood of his car.

"Yeah." He whispers, looking down so he didn't have to face you.

"Well, then I have a confession to make." You state, hoping onto the empty space next to him to take a seat. "I used to like you to."

"You did?"

"I did." You hesitantly state.

"Oh.." He whispers. "How long ago?"

"A while ago." You say softly. "I never wanted to risk anything because I didn't want it to affect our friendship. I didn't want to imagine what would happen if we ended up breaking up on a bad note. I didn't want to risk losing my best friend."

"Oh." He sighs.

"What do you think would've happened if we dated?" You ask.

"I dunno actually. I mean, I don't think much would really change.. We're already pretty close, and we basically act like a couple anyways. Just look at us right now." Jisung responds.

You didn't realize it but currently you were snuggled up against his side, with his arm wrapped around you. If Jisung didn't point it you probably wouldn't have noticed. "We do everything together, and we always bring each other gifts. We even went to prom together, remember?"

"Well yeah.. as friends."

"That's besides the point. I'm talking about how people see us y/n. Go ask anyone, Donghyuck thought we were dating."

"He doesn't count. Donghyuck thinks everyone is dating." You snort.

"Okay, then ask Renjun. The reason why he told me you jumped that fence was because he thought that Johnny was gonna steal you from me."

"He did?"

"Yeah. His exact words were 'You're girlfriend just jumped a fence to hang out with J. Suh and them. I'd be careful if I were you, Johnny's known to steal each other's girls.' You should've seen how confused I was and how awkward it was to explain to him that we weren't a couple." Jisung laughs. "He was so confused."

"He thought we were dating?"

"Yeah."

"Jisung." You state, looking up at him. "This is my last night here. And before you tell me to shut up and enjoy the moment I want to tell you one thing, okay? It's really really important to me and I feel like if I don't tell you this right now, I may never will."

"Geez, you're dramatic." He jokes. "What's so important anyways?"

"I still like you."

"Oh.." He whispers. "Oh? Wai-Wait. You still like me?"

You nod.

"Like.. like-like?"

"Yes, like like-like." You chuckle.

"O-Oh.."

There's a moment of silence before anyone says anything else. The only things making noise are the sound of distant cars that you hear drive by, along with the wind as it decides to pick up a slight breeze. Your phone is still playing music but you can barely hear it over your light breathing, which to you, sounds like the loudest thing on world. Your head is occupied with thoughts on why you decided to confess right now and Jisung is left trying to process what you just told him. It only lasts for a few seconds, a minute at most, but it feels like an eternity.

"Hey y/n?" He says softly. You snap your head up, looking towards him. Half of you is ready to hear whatever he has to say while the other half of you is worried that you just ruined everything with four little words. "Yeah?" You ask as your voice cracks a little.

"I still like you too."

"You do?"

"I do."

"So the question becomes, what are we?" You whisper, looking back down at the ground. "I leave tomorrow."

"That doesn't mean anything.." Jisung mumbles.

"What are you talking about? Yes it does. It means everything."

"No, it doesn't." He states, jumping off of his car hood to stand in front of you. "Think about it, you leave tomorrow right?"

"Yeah.."

"Well, like you said. You're still with me right now and we've still got-" He stops, taking a second to glance at his phone to check the time. "About sixteen and a half hours to spare.. So, why not make the most of it?"

"What are you implying?"

He sighs, taking a step closer to you to grab both your hands and pull you off his car hood himself. "Will you, y/n l/n, be my girlfriend? Even if it is, just for tonight?"

You squeeze his hands, unsure of what to say. Of course you want to say yes, this is one of the moments you've been waiting for! Something you never expected to happen! So why were you feeling so unsure?

Maybe it's because you knew this wouldn't last forever, or maybe it's because it was your best friend. Either way, each option had it's pros and cons. You just couldn't figure out which ones outweighed the other.

If you say yes, then you would've got to experience your long term crush being your boyfriend. But it also meant it would end in less than 24 hours, and what if you didn't want that? Sure long distance is an option, but would you be able to do it?

If you say no.. Then what would happen? Would tonight just end up awkward? You didn't want to pine after some boy for so long, and you sure didn't want Jisung to feel embarrassed, especially since both of you just confessed to each other.

So what do you say? You don't have all the time in the world to pick an answer.

"If I were to say yes.." You say, speaking up. "Do you promise nothing will change between us afterwards? Will we still be friends after that?"

"We can be friends." He says. "Or we can be more than friends. We can be whatever you want. I just want you to be happy."

You sigh, letting go of his hands, only taking a second to look at him.

"What?" He asks, moving to get closer to you.

"Nothing." You sigh. "Just thinking."

"About what?"

"About.. us.. You know..  What are we going to do once the sun comes up?"

"Cry and then kiss some more?" He jokes, hoping to lighten the mood a bit.

"Sungie.. I'm being serious. What are we gonna do?"

"I don't know, y/n. If I'm going to be honest I don't want to think about it either.. I didn't think that far ahead!"

"I know you didn't but we have to talk about it. It's bound to happen."

"What is?"

"Us.. breaking up.."

"You didn't even accept my offer and you're already thinking about us breaking up?" He asks. In his head it sounded okay, but by the look on your face he can tell it came off differently.

"What?" You ask.

"We could always do long distance y'know.."

"Sungie. Look at me." You sigh, looking at him in the eyes. "I'm moving across country and you're staying here, without me. What did you think was going to happen?"

"I didn't think anything was going to happen! I just wanted to spend one night with you as my girlfriend!" He yells, and you take a step back at the sudden volume change.

"You expected me to say yes?"

"No! Of course not! I didn't even plan any of this! I prepared for the worst, but then you brought up the whole liking thing and it just.. I don't know?! Gave me hope?"

"I don't know.. what'll happen when the sun comes up, y/n. I don't know what'll happen at all. I just want you to be happy.. and if that means we have to finish this night as just friends, then I'll be okay with that. We can pretend like nothing happened and we can just go on-"

"What if I don't wanna pretend like nothing happened?" You ask, cutting him off.

"What if.. I wanna say yes, but I'm just too scared to?"

"Why would you be scared?" He asks.

"Because.. if I do.. and this happens to be the best night of my life.. I don't want it to end."

"The answer I want to give you is, 'it doesn't have to end.' but that would just be a broken promise on my part." He sighs, giving you a sad smile. "But the answer I will give you is, we can make the most of it, but that's only up to you. So I'm asking you again, y/n l/n. Will you be my girlfriend?"

"Yes." You sigh, nodding your head reluctantly.

He pulls you into a hug and even though it's just a hug, it's one of the best hugs you've ever experienced. It's more on the comforting side, which would explain why you felt warm and at home. But it different from the hugs you've shared before.

"So where are we off to now?" You ask, ready to officially start tonights adventure. It comes out more muffled due to the fact that you're still holding each other.

"You're so eager." Jisung pouts. "Can't we just stay like this for a while?"

"I suppose so.. It's nice."

─ 3:06am;

The third stop of the night is diner just a couple minutes away from your high school. It's open 24hours meaning you'd see students come here after dances and school events, two of them being you two. One of the convenient things about this place was that it also had a small arcade connected to it. Maybe it was just a marketing strategy, but it worked so this is where you spent the majority of your free time.

"Hungry?" He asks, pulling up in the parking spot in front of the entrance door.

"Why are we here?" You ask, glancing over at the radio to check the time. "It's three am.."

"So?" He asks. "Let me take you on a date. We can even share a milkshake if you'd like." He teases.

"How romantic." You snort.

"Y/n!! I'm being serious!" He whines. "Do you know how badly I've wanted to take you on a date here?"

"Well.. Technically we have gone on one, multiple to be exact." You claim.

"Oh yeah? Name them."

"Our study sessions for SAT's?"

"I meant a proper date! You call suffering together while we complain about the future a proper date?!" He exclaims.

"Okay then how about all the times we came here after a dance or sport event hmm?" You ask.

"Those don't count! We went as friends!"

"I like to count them as dates.." You admit. "After all, they're the best ones I've been on."

"Oh really?" He asks. "Better than the ones that Na Jaemin has taken you on?"

"Uh, yeah? Of course?"

"Take that Jaemin!" He exclaims, causing you to giggle.

"What's your deal with him anyways?" You ask, curious on what he has to say.

"Well.. he's the person I'm competing with, right? For best boyfriend?"

You roll your eyes. "It's not a competition. Besides, if it was, then you'd automatically win." You tease. "So are we going on a date or what?"

Jisung giggles. "Yeah. Let's go."

The diner is empty. There isn't anyone but a lone police officer, drinking a cup of what you assumed to be coffee; two girls who happen to look like they're on a date, and another boy, who seemed to be around you and Jisung's age, working on paper of some sort.

Taking your seat in a familiar spot you look past Jisung (who was seated in front of you) and out the window behind him. You still have a few more hours until the sun comes up, but seeing the moon slowly make it's way down hurts just a bit.

"Hey." Jisung says, drawing your attention back at him. "You zoned out a bit there, you're not falling asleep on me are you?" He teases.

"Pffft! You wish!" You say a little bit too loudly, earning a glare from the cop seated a few booths away from you.

"So about that milkshake.." You trail off. "What flavor did you get?"

"Strawberry."

You scrunch your nose at his answer. "Why?"

"I dunno." He shrugs. "It's pink, I thought it'd be romantic."

"You're cute."

"I know."

"That wasn't a compliment."

"I'll take it as one."

"I- Nevermind."

"Whaaat?"

"You're lucky you're cute."

"You think I'm cute?"

You scoff at him. "Of course I do."

"Ah, okay. Cause I think I'm cute too." He snickers.

"Hey!" You gasp, earning a light laugh from him.

"It's okay I think you're cute too." He says scrunching his nose.

You stick your tongue out at him, looking away to fake being upset.

"Ah boo hoo. Don't be like that."

You're just about to argue back when the waitress who took your order earlier places down the milkshake that Jisung ordered in the middle of you two. She also drops two straws on the table along with it. Both of you thank her and after she leaves you decide to ask Jisung a question.

"Hey Sungie?" You ask, ripping off the paper wrapping to your straw. "Why this place?"

"You're kidding me, right?"

With a smile, you shake your head no at his response and he lets out a sigh.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yeah!" You nod. "Why?:

"This is where I realized that I was in love with you."

It takes a second for you to process what he had just said. It doesn't hit you right away but the more that you think about it, the more you realize what he meant.

"O-Oh.. Here?" You ask, as if you were unsure of where you were.

He nods in response and watches as you try to put together the pieces of how he figured out he loved you.

"Why?" You ask. "It's not like we've done anything special here. The most we've done is come here after prom.. and the rest of the dances I guess, but prom is the only one that I can really think about."

He giggles. "It doesn't have to be a big event for it to mean something y'know. I realized I was in love with you the summer going into sophomore year. You remember how we came here that night? After I so happened to convince you to sneak out and come to the movies with me?"

"Duh!" You exclaim. "How can I ever forget that?! I had to climb out my fucking window for you, do you know how scary that was? And we had to walk all the way there because neither of us could drive yet!"

"Hey in my defense I said that Johnny could've driven us. You just didn't wanna get caught!"

You roll your eyes at him. "No. That is not why, and hey! Don't try to make this conversation about me! You're the one who's supposed to be explaining stuff right now!"

"Damn." He scoffs. "Ya caught me. Well, anyways, before I was rudely interrupted-"

"You're the one who asked me a question!" You defend.

Ignoring you, he continues. "You remember how we were sitting in this spot, complaining about sophomore year before it even started?"

You nod.

"Well you were going off on some kind of rant- I don't even remember what it was about- but you just kept talking and you didn't seem to notice that I wasn't listening because I was too busy admiring how you looked. Maybe it was because it was the middle of the night, and both of us were very much sleep deprived but for some reason, it just hit me. I don't remember what it was about you, but it was that moment when I realized 'oh my god. this is what it's like to be in love.' y'know? Like you're finally realizing what it's like to be in love with someone, rather than just loving someone. Do you get what I mean?"

You shake your head no.

"Oh c'mon!" He whines. "I can't be the only one who knows what I'm talking about! It's like finally realizing what all the love songs are about, it's just like.. some kind of feeling! And it was just different how I felt from you, being my best friend, and you, being the person I had a crush on. I don't know how to explain it.. but it was just.. amazing."

"Yeah?" You ask.

"Yeah." He nods.

"Is that so? Well.. then maybe I do know what you're talking about."

"What do you mean?" He asks.

"You just did it."

"Wha- huh?! What did I do?"

"You're cute." You giggle.

"You weren't listening, huh?" He says, smiling.

"Nope! Not at all."

"So you do know what I'm talking about then?"

"Of course I do."

"You're so cute." He giggles.

"I know." You respond.

"I'm glad we agree."

─ 5:22am;

The last stop of the night is some place familiar. You didn't expect this location as much as you did others, so when Jisung decided to park here you didn't know what else to say.

"We're at.. your place?"

"Yeah." He nods, walking towards the gate that lead to his backyard.

"We're not going inside?" You ask, confused on where you were going.

"Pffft. Inside? Why would we go in there? Now c'mon, let's go."

Following Jisung into his backyard is nice. You see a lot of roses and plants that hug the side of his house. As you continue to walk you get various memories from when you two would hang out back here, before you got bored and decided that there was more to the world than Jisung's backyard.

"Okay. Do you want to go first? Or do you want me to?" He asks once you reach a ladder that lead to the roof of his house.

"You chose a ladder?" You whine. "Why didn't we just climb out one of your windows or something?"

"Because y/n!" He teases. "Where's the fun in that? Besides we've already done that before, why not do something different tonight?"

"You mean climb a ladder to sit on your roof instead of climbing out your bedroom window like we normally do?"

"See you do get me! That's exactly what I'm saying." He exclaims. "Now c'mon, up we go!" He smiles.

It's nicer than you expected. You don't know how or when he did it but he already had not one, but two blankets prepared. You assumed he put it here before he left to pick you up or he just asked one of your friends to leave them here. Judging by the fact that they didn't feel freezing cold, and that the ladder was already propped up to the side of his house when you got here, you assumed he asked Renjun or Jeno to leave them here.

"So.." You start.

"Please don't ask why I chose my own house." He jokes.

"Okay well first of all, I wasn't." You defend. "I was gonna ask what are we doing on your roof at five in the morning, but now that you mention it.. Why did you choose your house? We could've gone to so many other places."

He gives you a confused look, allowing you to ask, "What?"

"Please tell me the second question was a joke." He sighs.

You give him a smile and he pats the empty spot next to him, signaling for you to take a seat.

"Okay y/n, since you wanna know so badly, I'll tell you, yeah?" He asks, clearly annoyed at the fact that he chose his own house for gods sake.

You giggle. "You don't have to answer it you know. I know why."

"Okay, then I'll ask you. Why?"

"Because," You tease in a sing-songy voice. "Where else would we have gone? Technically, we started tonight at my place so why not end it with yours? We've spent a significant amount of time together, right?" You ask and he gives you a nod in return.

"Exactly. So it would just make sense that we have two halves of one whole, right? You pick out the places, and I bring back the memories. Right?" You explain.

"Congratulations. You've figured it out."

"Of course?" You giggle.

"Do you wanna know why we're up here though?" He asks.

"Yeah sure, why not?"

"It's because we can see the sunrise better from here. Yeah we used to just sit on the roof and talk in the middle of the day, or we'd watch the sun set, but we've never really watched it rise together before, y'know?"

"Really?" You ask. "Are you sure about that? We've pulled all nighters together before!"

"Yeah but one of us is either half asleep or just not paying attention."

"Hmm. I guess you're right about that." You hum.

"Do you promise we'll get a pretty sunrise?" You ask.

"Christ y/n. I don't control the weather! Who do I look like, mother nature?"

"Hey, mother nature is badass!" You scold. "She could literally end everything right here, right now."

"I suppose so." He hums, wrapping an arm around you to pull you closer to him. You rest your head against him and for a while you two just sit there in silence, no words just being said. Just the sounds of your breathing plus some birds chirping due to the current time. It's nice and comfortable. It feels like home.

You feel yourself about to start falling asleep when Jisung starts talking.

"I'm really gonna miss you.. y'know." He sighs, turning his head to look at you. If he didn't know you any better he'd think you actually fell asleep, it's only the sound of you humming the word "yeah?" that informs him you're still awake.

"What's the thing you're gonna miss most about me?" You ask.

"You expect me to chose one?" He asks, only earning another hum in response.

"Okay.. Well.. For starters, I'm going to miss seeing you everyday. I'm gonna miss not being able to text my best friend 'hey let's hangout today' and then just sitting in my room playing Mario Kart with you for the next three hours. I'm gonna miss your little roasts that you'd pull on me whenever I do anything stupid. I'm gonna miss our boba runs we used to have each week. I'm gonna miss causing chaos on the rest of our friends because how else are they going to prepare for trouble if there isn't two of us? There's so many things that I'm gonna miss about you that I could just go on and on about but we don't have enough time for that." He sighs.

"Really.. I'm just gonna miss you."

A second passes before Jisung decides to speak up again. "Are you gonna miss me too?"

"That's a silly question." You sigh. "Of course I am dummy. You expect me to not miss you? What am I gonna do without my partner in crime? My best friend and technically my boyfriend? You expect me to move across country and not miss you at all? Are you insane?!"

"Only a little." He jokes, earning a light punch from you.

"If I could take you with me I would."

"So why don't you?"

"Where are you gonna live? My fucking closet? I can't let you do that, you'll get too cramped in there." You joke.

"I guess.." He pouts.

"So.. What's gonna happen.. between us?" He asks.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we're watching the sun rise, aren't we?"

"I guess.. I just didn't expect it to fly by that fast.." You mumble.

Another moment of comfortable silence passes before either of you say anything. This one lasts for about ten minutes, fifteen at most, with the only sounds being your shallow breathing catching your attention. It's comforting, just being like this. Laying on Jisung's side while having his arm wrapped around you and a blanket hugging you both. The wind picks up a breeze every now and then making you shiver a bit due to the lack of warmth but that only makes you snuggle closer to Jisung in hopes of stealing his body heat.

"Thank you.. for tonight." You whisper. "It's all I could've asked for."

"I'm really glad you liked it. I'm just happy I got to spent time with you before you left." He chuckles.

"I'm gonna miss you."

"Yeah?"

"So much."

The sunrise is pretty. It's one of the best ones you've seen in your entire life. It consisted of pinks, and yellows, and a little bit of purple. Though there were wispy clouds in it, it was like the earth was telling you it's okay to move on and go. Some may say it would be a perfect way to end a beautiful night,  or in your case, the perfect way to say goodbye.

[excorcismic]

      ❛ remember the time . . . in SAN FRANCISCO ? with me by your side , in SAN FRANCISCO ? you are such a  s i g h t  , the deepest brown eyes , my dear . . . ❜

                                                                      ❛ MISA MISA !! ❜                                            playlist . plotting call . listen as you read !

the mirrors surrounding you did as they were meant to, reflecting back a spitting image of HIRAI MOMO  -  but it’s clear something is wrong from the moment that a vision of VALENTINE’S DAY , 2011 strikes you.  perhaps it was a passing daydream in the frenzy of the funhouse. you reassure yourself  -  you’re MISA AMANE ! ,  a TWENTY-FOUR YEAR OLD STREAMER / MUSICIAN whose virtue lies in your + LOYALTY & + OPTIMISM , although you’ve been told that you tend to be quite - NAÏVE & - IMPULSIVE ,  and you’re associated with BLACK PAINTED NAILS HOLDING A FOUNTAIN PEN , RUBY RED LIPS & EYES THAT MATCH , GIVING HIM YOUR EVERYTHING IN EXCHANGE FOR JUST HIS HEART by those around you.  suddenly,  however,  you’ve found LIGHT’S WHITE JACKET on your person - was that always there? from the moment you leave the funhouse,  memories from your life in DEATH NOTE have begun to return - leaving whoever you had been before in the mirror’s reflection behind you.  you can almost hear SAN FRANCISCO by THE DRIVER ERA following in your wake. ( she/her & demigirl )

                       this is the story of a very lonely girl .

I . WELL , LOOK AT YOUR WATCH NOW !

born in alucard , pennsylvania - misa amane was the child of celebrity parents who settled down in the small town . as of course , a TEMPORARY break . a director father and a failed actress mother , they were determined their daughter continue the legacy and turn into a star . and after a few good , normal years ( if ‘normal’ involved going to school & playing during the day then coming home to intense acting , singing , dancing practice ) , she managed to get wrapped into the world of stardom . 

first , it was through commercials . then , small parts in movies that called for cute little girls . then . . . a deal with a children’s network at age nine to star in a series about a child detective . affectionately called , THE MYSTERIES OF MISS MISA-MISA !

from nine to sixteen , she’d work tirelessly - becoming an instant hit the moment the pilot episode aired , selling merchandise all over the country and making appearances on other television shows . 

but then there’s the inevitable - kids start to grow up . the childish charm is lost & the children start to realize they were deprived of so much for the sake of fame . such things , like friends . and misa . . . although initially asked for a sequel series that would tackle the child detective now as a high schooler , declined in favor of going back home to pursue her high school years as a normal teen . of course - to the chagrin of her parents . she’d go back home to live with an aunt in alucard for a year , finishing her sophomore year , then her parents would follow - she’d move back in again at the start of her junior . and . . . it was not at all easy . considering a , she already had a reputation as a child star - which was equivalent to a target along her back . and b , the lack of friends was obvious - and even when she smiled at everyone , complimented their styles , helped them out with work she could assist with . . . most of the time , she’d sit by herself at the lunch table . or , with people that she didn’t know if they were actual friends or not . 

graduation comes , and misa amane stands to accept her diploma . there isn’t a graduation party ; she just sits in the back of her parents’ car , ready to go out to a fancy dinner she isn’t looking forward to .

II . YOU’RE STILL A SUPER HOT FEMALE !

BUT ALL HOPE IS NOT LOST ! graduation is the end of a chapter - and the beginning of the next rests in amane’s hands . three months pass , and once again the family puts pressure on her to go back into showbiz . it isn’t too late , you’re young & pretty - you’re meant for movies . but . . . misa , of course , refuses . she actually is looking into maybe making another name for herself . . . but in a very different way than her parents would hope .

it’s an argument . an argument about how misa has talent she’s ignoring & an argument about how her parents can’t control her forever . one friend she has sits in her truck in the parking lot as misa packs her bags , and the heated argument ends with the blonde girl slamming the door and her parents telling her to come back only when she has her head screwed on straight . but it’s fine . misa’s alright with this - she’s going to be a star in her own right , since a band she’s started playing in underground has just gotten noticed . YOUR FRIENDS & THE SKELETONS - a hard pop-punk band influenced by the likes of my chemical romance , paramore , two door cinema club , the 1975 , what have you . 

alucard is left behind when the recognition comes since misa amane needs the change of scenery . but that doesn’t mean she is gone forever , as sometimes the pursuit of other things only lasts for so long . 

III . YOU’VE GOT YOUR MILLION DOLLAR CONTRACT !

the next few years are kind . the band experiences a nice success that means misa gets to live her dream - but she realizes the burnout when she looks back on everything she’s accomplished . the constant moving around , always only talking to the same few people or never anyone she gets to know - it registers that she’s still in some sort of box . and maybe a break from said box is needed .

your friends & the skeletons goes on a touring hiatus , retiring back to alucard . misa does not tell her family she’s going back - she doesn’t give a shit , and she doesn’t think they do , either . she gets an apartment by herself , and starts frequently streaming to still connect with her fans even though she’s taken a step back out of the spotlight . 

alucard is quiet . and alucard is home . but there’s a lot that misa again has to face .

she has a history here , yes - but nevertheless , there is still that feeling of loneliness . in every aspect - she never had many friends . little of her relationships lasted long , always ending with unrequited love , quick heartbreak , what have you . only her bandmembers did she have , even though she tried to throw herself at every friendly face she saw .

because she’s always been friendly . always a friend to everyone else , even if they aren’t a friend to her . only hoping maybe SOMEONE ELSE can see her as someone - begging to be somebody’s top-pick , somebody’s vip , somebody to someone . because her whole life she’s lived as only the bridesmaid , but never the bride in the eyes of those looking away from stardom . because it’s one thing to be adored by fans - it’s another to be adored by individual people .

IV . AND THEY’RE ALL WAITING FOR YOUR HOT TRACK !

nevertheless , amane is never one to give up quickly . because she believes that someday , maybe she’ll get what she wants . . . even though of course , when things go south , she still quickly accepts maybe she isn’t meant to be somebody’s someone . 

but she always smiles .

misa amane is one of a kind . she’s got so much love in her heart to share - she’s sensitive , maybe she gets hurt easily . maybe she’s IMPULSIVE and naive to where she bites off more than she can chew and believes things she shouldn’t . she jumps into things without realizing how much she could get hurt . talks without thinking . but she is friendly - she’s kind , outgoing , and cherishes those she admires even if they don’t cherish her back . her heart is forever on her sleeve , and all she wants to be loved . she’s been lonely for a long time .

she’s talented ! not only fronting her band with vocals & rhythm guitar , but also taking interests in visual art , crafting . aside from streaming , she runs a little etsy shop where she makes jewelry and keychains of her own little style . she of course can act , but hates it at this point . she also knows how to play the piano & the drums !!

she regularly streams for her fans - whether it’s to watch movies or shows with them or to play video games she has with them . she’s social , in that she always loves to talk to someone . her batteries recharge through social interaction , as an extrovert’s extrovert .

i wouldn’t say misa is stupid . she’s clever - witty . but sometimes she’s a little ditzy and acts without thinking ; i like to thing she did pretty well in school in terms of her grades , but her tendencies to both act and speak without thinking and sometimes forgetting simple things can give the impression she isn’t too smart . but she is ; just in her own special ways . she’s not dumb at all .

she also knows no fear - courageous to some points where it’s even dangerous . she regularly likes to go on adventures in the dark to investigate possible haunted areas , always is the one to kill the bugs when everyone else is scared , heights and the dark are never an issue . she also lives and breathes for the occult , heavily believing in everything supernatural . she even practices witchcraft ! 

also she's hardcore pan if u think misa is straight U Are Mistaken

it is almost a certain guarantee that misa amane is perhaps one of the friendliest faces in alucard . the one that only hopes you like her as much as she likes you . and maybe one day she’ll find that - until then , she will never stop persisting . she goes everywhere and she smiles at everyone ; a shimmer of sunshine in black platforms & cross earrings .

WHAT YOU WAITING - WHAT YOU WAITING - WHAT YOU WAITING - WHAT YOU WAITING - WHAT YOU WAITING FOR ?? . . .

                    . . .  holding on , i’m holding on to our story . . .

there is a girl . a very lonely girl . a very lonely girl that looks back at misa when she stares into the house of mirrors . and that lonely girl is a thought that misa can’t get out of her head , along with the newfound feeling that there is something - no , someone missing from her life that should be there . or was there . a missing piece that she doesn’t recognize . and the white jacket , a bit too big for her to fit , that appears on her person - the attachment she feels to it gives her security , like a safety blanket ; even though she has no clue where it came from , or who it actually belonged to . . . 

god i fried my own brain writing this but anyway HELLO EVERYONE once again i am hylia and . . . i have finally finished . my monster of an intro for misa . once again if u want to look at my plot/connection ideas pls click the plotting call link at the top of this post !! i love this girl to death and i hope u guys like her too c: bc she is my BABIE and i ,,, am so stoked to write her here . I’LL SEE Y’ALL WHEN I GET OFF WORK !! <3 

[sagehaleyofficial]

HERE’S WHAT YOU MISSED THIS WEEK (11.20-11.26.19):

NEW MUSIC:

·     Blink-182 drummer, Travis Barker, revealed in a new interview that the band have recorded a new Christmas song. Last year, he posted a photo of his drum kit on Instagram with the caption “currently recording Christmas music,” paired with a Christmas tree emoji.

·     After teasing the “most political song Palaye Royale has released to date” early last week, the trio have dropped their new song “Massacre, the New American Dream.” Proceeds made from sales will be donated to March of Our Lives and Giffords: Courage to Fight Gun Violence.

·     Creeper launched a live premiere on YouTube for their new music video of the hot single, “Born Cold.” The band will soon be supporting BABYMETAL on the UK leg of next year’s Metal Galaxy World Tour.

·     The 1975 gave fans little waring with the music video debut of recent hit, “Frail State of Mind.” The track is set to appear on the band’s upcoming album, Notes on a Conditional Form, due out February 21, 2020.

·     A Day to Remember released their latest single, “Resentment,” just two weeks after postponing their seventh studio album, You’re Welcome. The band is currently wrapping up the Degenerates Tour with I Prevail and Beartooth before teaming up with Underoath in Florida.

·     Panic! At The Disco dropped a new music video for their rendition of “Into the Unknown,” taken from Disney‘s Frozen 2 soundtrack. The song was first released with a lyric video on November 4th.

·     A year and a half after his death, XXXtentacion‘s final album Bad Vibes Forever, which features blink-182, Lil Wayne and more, has a release date. The late rapper’s team dropped the title track from the album, along with the news it will be arriving on December 7th.

·     Twenty One Pilots’ new music video for their song “Pet Cheetah” offers fans a closer look at their tour set up with a virtual reality view from the stage. The video shows them performing live offering a really close look at the fire, smoke and lights they intricately use on set.

·     Neck Deep put two of their B-side songs from their 2017 album The Peace and the Panic on streaming services for the first time. They recently took to Instagram to announce that they will be taking the rest of 2019 off, they will be back in 2020 and will be playing at Rock for People.

·     Go Radio shared their first single since 2012 with upbeat new track, “Say It Again.” In July, the band’s fans were sent into a frenzy of hope and pure panic as they released a photo sparking rumors of their return.

TOUR ANNOUNCEMENTS:    

·     We Came as Romans revealed their plans for a 10-year anniversary tour in celebration of their album, To Plant a Seed. The band announced they’ll be hitting the road this spring in honor of the record with support from the Devil Wears Prada, Gideon and Dayseeker.

·     Post Malone revealed a second leg of his Runaway Tour, as well as that he is bringing along support from the first leg, Swae Lee and Tyla Yaweh. Posty will continue the run in support of his best-selling 2019 album Hollywood’s Bleeding.

·     The Wonder Years took to Twitter last Tuesday to announce a very special tour for the winter of 2020. The band will be performing two sets nightly, one acoustic and one electric, and will be supported by Free Throw, Spanish Love Songs and Pool Kids.

·     Coheed and Cambria are taking their progressive-rock, sci-fi hits on the high seas next fall on the S.S Neverender, and announced they are bringing Taking Back Sunday with them. The band partnered with Sixthman and Norwegian Pearl to bring fans an intimate cruise experience.

·     Post Malone and Ozzy Osbourne made their recent live debut of their newest collab “Take What You Want” on the last night of the rapper’s tour. The two also performed the Hollywood’s Bleeding track at the American Music Awards, alongside Travis Scott.

·     New Found Glory canceled the last two dates of their From the Screen to Your Stereo to Your Town Tour with Hawthorne Heights. The band tweeted that the cancellation was due to guitarist Chad Gilbert dealing with a “family emergency.”

·     Green Day celebrated 25 years of Dookie by performing “Basket Case” during the 2019 American Music Awards. “Growing up, there was no band more important to me or my brother,” Billie Eilish said while introducing the band.

·     Shania Twain gave a subtle shout out to Post Malone, Twenty One Pilots and more during her 2019 American Music Awards performance. The iconic country artist did a rendition of “Stressed Out,” “Rockstar” and more during her set.

OTHER NEWS:  

·     Bring Me the Horizon have released a behind-the-scenes look at the making of their latest track, “Ludens.” For the majority of the video, we see Oli Sykes and keyboardist Jordan Fish in a hotel room in Ukraine, while the former states how limited of a time they had to submit the song.

·     The nominees for the 2020 Grammy Awards arrived, with Billie Eilish up for Album of the Year and the 1975 up for Best Rock Song. Bring Me the Horizon are further in the running for Best Rock Album against I Prevail, who are also up for Best Metal Performance for “Bow Down.”

·     Oh, Weatherly vocalist Blake Roses took to the band’s social media accounts to announce their breakup. The band account shared the statement with the caption, “Love you all. Thank you for this journey.”

·     In the wake of the 15-year anniversary of her debut solo album, Love. Angel. Music. Baby., Gwen Stefani addressed accusations of cultural appropriation as it relates to single “Harajuku Girls” and more. Stefani recently sat down with Billboard to address the topic.

·     A new event on Facebook called “Storm My Chemical Romance Reunion, They Can’t Stop All of Us” was created last Thursday, and the event already shows 567 going and 1.2k interested. The page information isn’t joking around, but it also slips in some great MCR puns.

·     Vans added to their Tim Burton’s Nightmare Before Christmas inspired shoe line, with a pair appropriately named “Christmas Town.” For its design, they took imagery from the scene where Jack Skellington comes across the Holiday Doors while singing “What’s This?”

·     Kevin Jonas poked fun at his own band, the Jonas Brothers, when he joined in on a trend that’s making its way through Twitter with his own blink-182-inspired meme. The punk band responded to the pop singer with the iconic lyrics from their song “What’s My Age Again?”

·     Paramore opened up about a track off their most recent album, After Laughter, with Billboard. Frontwoman Hayley Williams recently sat down with for the outlet’s essays on “100 Songs That Define the Decade,” this time discussing their hit “Hard Times.”

·     Alternative Press put Panic! at the Disco on the cover of their Poster Issue, the publication’s seasonal 68-page collection. In addition, this year’s Poster Issue sums up the last decade of AP as they ready themselves for their 35th anniversary.

·     On a new episode of Bloody Disgusting‘s “The Boo Crew” podcast, Poppy revealed she is working on an original horror movie with frequent collaborator Titanic Sinclair. The artist also discussed everything from Texas Chainsaw Massacre being her first horror movie experience.

·     While The Umbrella Academy is preparing for its upcoming second season, the cast took a moment to appreciate their smaller toy counterparts. The cast shared a photo of them holding their Funko Pops all together, as well as a video showing their reactions to receiving the toys.

·     At this year’s American Music Awards, Billie Eilish won for the Favorite Artist in the Alternative Rock category and Halsey won for Best Pop/Rock Song for her track “Without Me”. Eilish also performed “All the Good Girls Go to Hell” and Halsey with “Graveyard.”

·     Twenty One Pilots updated their Trench logo on two social media accounts, causing fans to speculate new content and the possible end of an era. The logo has gone through several makeovers since the band’s inception.

___

Check in next Tuesday for more “Posi Talk with Sage Haley,” only at @sagehaleyofficial!

[after-lauhgter]

Hey dude, I really like your music taste so do all the music questions that you didn't already answer 🌚

OK DUDE HERE THEY COME (except 1,6 & 14) ... ok lets do number 1 again  What's a song you've been listening to a lot lately? as the world caves in by Matt Maltese, if I get high by nothing but thieves, and literally anything off waterparks’ new live album, that thing makes me feel so ALIVE bc like LIVE MUSIC  Is there an album you recently discovered and are obsessed with it now? well waterparks live in the uk obviously but if the last 6 months count as recently, then the new abnormal by the strokes. its... absolutely breathtaking. I don't have words. 0 words. except these dudes know what the fuck they’re doing. and then I found the devil and god are raging inside me by brand new and jeeesus. literally Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ was my most played song in 2020 AS IT SHOULD BE bc its EVERYTHING this album is THE SHIT. every song is just *chef kiss* like there's limousine (omg limousine) and you won't know and not the sun and AHH listen to these albums omg  Put your playlist on shuffle and show the first 10 songs. No cheating. i assume “your playlist” means all my saved songs so Topography by Civilian (pls go listen its SO great) Na Na Na by mcr yees issa classic  Du schreibst Geschichte by Madsen omg geeerman  just saying by EDEN (pretty pretty pretty) Westerland von den Ärzten another classic  letdown by nothing,nowhere. sad but the good kind of sad  The Man by the killers making fun of toxic masculinity gives me LIFE  Graffiti by CHVRCHES YES  and death stranding by CHVRCHES too YES SO GOOD simmer by Hayley Williams, a queen  How do you tend to discover new music? If you do at all of course I do enjoy what Spotify suggests, like my weekly mix brought a lot of bops in the past, although sometimes it just sucks lets be real. I also like the artist- or album-radio, when I wanna find something similar to an album but not the album.  and another thing I lovvve is when artists I like recommend music, for example, have you seen dallon weekes instagram stories? THE TASTE? bc yes, someone who writes music like that MUST have a superior taste in music and he fucking does. 

What app do you mostly use to listen to music? Spotify :) Is there an artist that you feel ashamed of listening too? I can't think of anyone so probably not  What is your favorite album cover art? omg. I have to go with more than one. so there's where the mind wants to go/where you let it go by I the mighty, one of my favorite albums of all time, and I'm going to say it how it is, I LIKE THE COLORS. the blue-ish imagine with the red omg. look at it pls.  Also fandom by waterparks looks SO COOL. again the COLORS  and I love the art for Isola by Kent.  I recently discovered you wouldn't believe what privilege costs by civilian and I think that cover is pretty cool too.  well and then there's petals for armor by Hayley Williams, the cover art is so fucking powerful Jesus I get goosebumps just thinking about it. in case you don't know about it, long story short: there's been a lot of shit going on in Hayleys life in the past. relatable imo. then they made after laughter and its been like u know what fuck it we’ll just laugh and dance through the pain. together. and I LOVED the vibe omg it gave me so much. but for Hayley it kinda postponed REALLY dealing with shit. she came home from touring with AL and she also got divorced during the AL era and everything's shit and out of all that came petals for armor. and in it she reclaims femininity, being alone, being powerful, being a women, everything. and ah yeah we were talking about the cover art, the cover is her, having a line of squares on her face, three of these squares are tattooed on her fingers though bc its where her ex husbands initials used to be that she got covered up. WHAT A MOVE. THE POWER.  (if anyone is interested in hearing Hayley talking about/explaining all this, I really recommend watching her interview with zane Lowe. its SO GOOD basically free therapy) How much did your parents influence your music taste? a. lot. my dad listened to a lot of “dad rock” you may call it, I guess a lot of dads listened to stuff similar to this. Deep Purple, the police, simple minds, Green Day, Billy Talent, the scorpions and things like that. what influenced me the most tho was the beatsteaks (german band, very good), die Ärzte (german band, very good) and LAST BUT NOT LEAST the fricking blues brothers. my favorite movie (not the 2000 remake, go watch that in hell where it belongs), a great, charismatic band, unbelievable live performances. very big WOW from me.  Do you own any vinyl? don't get me started omg. I DO. I wish I could take a photo but my records are at my parents house so ill just name my favorites.  -after laughter and brand new eyes by paramore -violent things by the brobecks and their song boring on 7inch (this is very rare ok) -razzzzmatazzz by idkhow in gold :) -may death never stop you by mcr (my first one, I bought it first and then bought a record player for it, that's how it started lol) -omg the black parade is dead by mcr, this was never available on vinyl until record store day 2019 (?) and I hunted that bitch like idek what it was insane but I found a super cute small record store and the owner didn't have copies of it bc NOBODY DID but he fucking CALLED THE LABEL even though it was way too late and he asked if they'd send him a copy and THEY DID I FUCKING OWE THIS MAN  -and omg Isola by Kent (in Swedish tho bc the English version was never pressed on vinyl) this was intense. I searched for like 2 weeks and then, on google results page 8 or something, I found what could've been the only copy on the damn internet and it was very expensive but its MINE NOW -my signed vertigo vinyl by EDEN, its clear and on side D it doesn't have music but a little message engraved it the vinyl IT IS CUTe -Placebos MTV unplugged! I am so I love with this album. SO. in love. and one day, when I was in Berlin to see palaye royale, back when we had concerts, I walked by a random record store and they have like 4 records left bc they were closing or idk and the only one displayed in the window was this one. tell me about FATE  Do you own any cds? not many. sometimes when im at the store and I see ones I know or like, I just buy them and put them in me moms car bc I want her to listen to them. or when I find a cd by a smaller artist I enjoy, I buy it just to push the nachfrage. HI i am HERE and I WANT this music  Is vinyl really better than listening on a digital device? im not gonna be that middle aged white male audiophile that hates on our generation for using Spotify. bc its great. I think its just different. I mean im sorry I don't carry my record player on the bus with me, pls forgive me for using my phone? having immediate access to most of the music that is out there? wow. what a concept. I love the internet. YES TECHNOLOGY. but. vinyls are... different. I feel likes its a different kind of listening. I feel like youre rly LISTENING. and that way isn't better, or right, and im not saying it works like this for everyone. but when I put a record on, my only activity at that moment is listening to music, I sit down and I listen. to the entire album. so skips and no pauses, bc that's how it works. and I think that sometimes, that can do a lot for you. if you let it.  and besides that, physically owning a record makes me happy on a level nothing else really does. fuck I love music so much and when I fall in love with it, I fall hard. and then owning a copy of it, something I can touch, something that is MINE, putting it in my little shelf, looking at it every few days and just being in love? fantastic feeling.  What is a genre of music that you tend to go to for comfort? sad shit. I feel like I can get great comfort from the sad shit. or maybe just slow shit. and songs that mean a lot to me and have been around me for some time, they have this other level of comfort. like for Emma, forever ago by bon iver for example. I have a playlist, maybe I'll reblog this again and link it ;) Do you tend to like poppy upbeat songs, or more intricate and interesting songs? both. sometimes I wanna have complicated stuff and analyze the shit out of lyrics and instrumentation, sometimes I just wanna v i b e If you have a favorite band or artist, tell us about how you got into them I liked paramore before but when they posted the video of them performing last hope at reading? it was over. when Hayley sang the bridge it was over. now im a die hard fan and I never looked back Is there a song that came out this year that you like? maybe after reading all this shit you expected a list but somehow I can't. where do u even start. but the answer is definitely yes.  THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING I COULD GO ON FOR DAYS 

[purplesurveys]

735

Hola, hablas espanol? Un poco. Haha most of my Spanish is based off of context clues from similar words and phrases that we have in Filipino, and the very basic lessons I’ve gotten from Duolingo if that even counts, so I most likely would not survive a conversation. Overall though, I can read Spanish much more quickly and better than I can listen to/speak it. Music is playing right now, isn't it? What song? No but for some reason I have the OST of one of the Mario Kart 8 tracks playing in my head. Do you use AIM? What's your screen name? No, I didn’t really catch that era anymore. How many cell phones have you gone through in your life? I had two of the classic Nokia phones, a flip phone, a hand-me-down from my dad, two iPhone 5S, and my current iPhone 8 so that makes it a total of seven. Do you have a little sister? What's her name? Yeah. We’ve always called her Nina at home but for some reason she chose to go with her full first name in school and everywhere else, so it’s always a source of confusion when her friends and I are in the same room and we call her different names hahaha.

Who was the last person you screamed at? Why were you screaming? I think my mom? I was filming my dad doing one of the Tiktok dances (yep, my parents are into Tiktok lmaooooo) but my mom blocked the camera at some point so I jokingly yelled at her to go away. Can you crack your joints? Which ones? Just my fingers, which is all I ever feel like cracking anyway. What's your favorite name for a guy? And a girl? I repeat my fave girls’ names too much on this damn site, y’all know at least one of them by now. I don’t really think of boys’ names but I suppose my current favorite is Miguel. Are you good at answering trick questions? I don’t really encounter them a lot so I wouldn’t know. Do you use Myspace or Facebook? Or both? I don’t use Myspace/was never addicted to it the way I am to like Twitter now. I do use Facebook for various reasons – to stay connected to family, to be updated with announcements from school, to communicate for work, and to share memes hahahaha. Do you need spellcheck in order to spell things correctly? Not really. Sometimes I’ll Google a word before typing it out to be 100% sure but it’s only usually for words that are commonly misspelled, like ‘occasionally.’ Do you do too many surveys? How many have you done today? I don’t know if taking them daily counts as taking them too much but to be fair I only take one to three surveys a day. I definitely take much fewer surveys than I did, like, seven years ago when I would fill out ten a day. Have you ever changed yourself to impress someone? Who? I remember trying to like bands like The Summer Set, You Me At Six, The Maine, We Came As Romans, This Century, etc in Grade 6 because all the cooler, hipster kids liked them. UGH thinking about how I acted during that period is so cringe because I never even liked any of the fucking music but I tried so hard to, lmao. There were only three bands I ended up genuinely enjoying: All Time Low, Sleeping With Sirens, and We Are the In Crowd. After that I stopped paying attention to what people liked. Who was the last person you gave up on? Why did you give up on them? I think it was Macy. She has changed a lot and it’s obvious we are not as close as before and when we do talk it’s mostly awkward small talk. I don’t know what happened along the way, but I just hope she’s happy. What was the last thing you printed? Is there even ink in your printer? I usually have stuff printed in school because with my dad not being home most of the time, my mom and brother never printing anything, and my sister living in a dorm, it doesn’t seem worth it to keep buying ink just for me. The last thing I printed was a news article I needed to turn in for business writing class. What's your favorite number? Is there any reason that's your favorite? 4. I honestly liked it initially because it’s Beyoncé’s favorite number so I just stuck with that answer for the longest time haha. What kind of shampoo do you use? Does it smell amazing? It’s one of the Dove shampoos. It’s nothing life-changing but seeing as it’s a hair care product, it of course smells nice and decent.   Do you go to concerts? What was the last one you attended? Not a lot. I save my attendance for my absolute favorites which means that so far I’ve been to two Paramore shows and one One Direction show. I make sure they’re bigger, more mainstream acts that don’t happen in the Philippines a lot because it’s my dad who pays, and I wanna make sure what I’m asking him to treat me to is gonna be a super super worth it experience, if that makes sense. Have you ever had a conversation with someone through bulletins? I don’t think so. Do you shop online? With your own credit card, or someone else's? I have food delivered from online but I barely buy other stuff online. I use cash on delivery since I don’t own any kind of card. Who's your best friend? How long have you known each other? I’ve known Angela for 15 years and Gab for 9. Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Why did you break up? She freaked out and thought we were rushing too much at 17, which she was right about. Have you ever gotten your nails done? Or do you get them done regularly? Never but Gabie keeps telling me that we should have a nail day hahahaha. Idk, I’ve never been comfortable with the idea of someone working on my fingers or toes or any part of my body. Have you been outside yet today? What were you doing? Sure. I stepped out into our backyard to walk my dog for a few minutes in the afternoon; in the evening my family and I had dinner on our rooftop which is technically a part of outside. Tell me about the last thing that made you laugh until it hurt. It was one of the more recent segments from a Korean reality show I watch. It’s not gonna be funny if I narrate it lmao but suffice it to say it’s a show about kids and their dads, and the kid that I watched in particular is exceptionally smart for his age and says a lot of witty things. One of the things he said was bullseye for me and I ended up nearly screaming in laughter at 3 AM. When was the last time you got a new bed? Is your bed comfy? 2008. We never changed my bed from when we first moved here. Yes, I’d say it is. What kind of games did you play on the playground when you were younger? I loved playing at the sandbox because I found the texture really fun to touch and play with; I also liked the swing and the trapeze bars.

Have you ever buried a time capsule with a friend? Did you dig it up yet? Nope. I find them very interesting though. Tell me one thing you'd like to change in 2010. There's gotta be something. That was a whole-ass decade ago, holy shit. I don’t remember what I sought for 2010 back in 2009 but I imagine one of them is for me to find a friend to be with because it was in 2010 that two of my closest friends, Andi and Angel, both migrated to New Zealand and Canada. Spoiler alert: I didn’t, and I was sad the entire year. Do you have or want any tattoos? Of what? Yes. The only design I can think of right now is my dog’s pawprint. Do you remember the first time you ever drove a car? Who were you with? Yeah, it was in my parents’ old Mitsubishi Lancer. I was with my mom and I drove too close to curbs/walls the entire time haha. Do any of your friends drink excess amounts of alcohol? Do you? JM drank a lot at the start of the quarantine to the point that I started to get worried, but I think he’s lessened his intake in the last few weeks. Other than him I don’t know anyone with a drinking problem. I certainly don’t have one. What color is your favorite hoodie? When did you get it? Hoodies aren’t really my thing so I don’t have a favorite one. How many pairs of shoes do you have? Are they under your bed? Around 10-15 would be a safe guess. They’re in a shoe rack in a bodega-like space underneath our stairs. What exactly is under your bed? Is it a mess? Not a mess. I just have my old WWE magazines and other various magazines that I collected as a teenager with Beyoncé and Kristen Stewart on the cover stored in two large containers. Have you ever been in handcuffs? Why, exactly? Not by the police, lol byeeeeeeeeeeee What's your favorite thing to do when drunk? Would you do this sober? I join games a lot more and I’m generally friendlier and louder. I can be the first two when I’m sober, just a lot more reserved. When was the last time you bled? What happened? I caught a mosquito sucking blood off of my knee a week ago. Have you ever had to be put to sleep at a hospital? Why? Nope. Do you actually have a calendar on your wall? What are the pictures of? I do not. When are you planning on moving out of your parents' house? In 2-3 years when I’ve saved enough, probably. I’m itching to do it as soon as I can though. Tell me about your day today. :) It was my parents’ 23rd wedding anniversary so we had a bigger brunch that consisted of pancit Malabon, several sticks of barbecue, sisig, and various kakanin to celebrate. The afternoon was uneventful and I just spent most of it brushing up on my Spanish lessons hah, then I had a quick siesta; then for dinner we had burgers from a local place that recently opened again while the quarantine is ongoing. Are you a fan of dogs? Do you have any pets? I LOVE dogs, except for chihuahuas which I genuinely am unable to start liking because of (most of) their personalities. I will definitely care for one if I see them starving at a road but ugh idk, I just like all other dogs a lot more. And I know there are cuddly and behaved chihuahuas out there but I’ve simply seen more feisty ones and since then it’s been hard to have my mind changed about them. Who was the last person in your family to graduate high school? Was it you? My sister graduated in 2018. Have you ever been on a cruise? How many? Where did they go? Yeah, just once, for my 18th birthday. I went to China, Japan, and South Korea.

[thesinglesjukebox]

AMERICAN FOOTBALL FT. HAYLEY WILLIAMS - UNCOMFORTABLY NUMB

[6.17]

thesingl esjukebox

Vikram Joseph: On American Football's 1999 debut album (and, for some 17 years thereafter, their only album), laconic, meandering guitar lines intertwined and diverged, set against a pillowy backdrop of woozy horns and jazz-tinged percussion; Mike Kinsella's vocals drifted in and out like conversation through patches of broken sleep, feeling more like another instrument than a driving force for the song. The songs were rarely streamlined, but in their soft drift they captured, with heart-stopping precision, something ephemeral and intangible -- sunlit fields and slow dusks, an essence of youth and summer. "Uncomfortably Numb" is the Before Midnight to the Before Sunrise of their early songs: older, harder, burdened with regrets and worn down by disappointment. It's more conventionally structured than any other American Football song, borne on a crisp, clean, cyclical Plans-era Death Cab guitar line, and some of Kinsella's lyrics (not always his strongest suit, and better as hazy evocation rather than narrative) are a little on-the-nose ("I blamed my father in my youth/now as a father, I blame the booze"). But it builds a melancholy beauty all the same, Kinsella's voice interweaving with that of Hayley Williams in the flickering chorus; "The lessons are so much less obvious the further you get from home," rings awfully true. The solutions don't present themselves so easily when the issues get this hard to unravel. [7]

Iris Xie: How does one capture the sadness and tenderness at inevitable breakdowns, and the connected hope and sorrow that ties together such tragedy? Through a production that imitates the warmth of moving amongst muted pastel clouds, for muddled psyches and safe spaces. The creation of the space, which facilitates and echoes the depth of the relationship and their connected interiorities, is conveyed through the glowing guitars, patient drums, soft harmonizing, and evocative but hazy lyrics, and sets the environment for a simultaneous warmth and distancing, with endless compassion. There is this beautiful sound in the background where I can't tell whether it's one of the singers slowly humming in the back, or it is a gently played horn, but it is chilling in conveying their not telepathic, but almost as connected, thoughts, even from a distance. When their voices overlap, they glimmer. As Williams sings over his monologue, it results in an incredibly succinct expression of their struggles: "Now I'm used to struggling (tied to a contortionist)/for two"; his last two words are swallowed, giving an impression that he may only be starting to come to terms with how he is hurting for both him and his inner child, while she understands too well what is occurring as an outsider. This conveys clarity in what level of disaster is occurring, as he continues to turn away from home. Unfortunately, there lies the familiar tale to many womxn-identified folks, because Williams's POV remains at home, frustrated and exhausted after her sacrifice. They echo as they distance: "I just want you home/I'll make new friends/In the ambulance." The instrumentals empty out to a lingering, uncertain optimism, and complete this quiet hush of family tragedy. There are no harsh disasters here -- just the slow, ebbing progression towards the rock bottom, from which up is the only way to go. [10]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: As I get older, I find myself far more attuned to the melancholic music of singer-songwriters written in adulthood than in youth. That's partially because so many of these earlier albums -- from Down Colorful Hill to Songs About Leaving to American Football's debut -- defined my teenage years, but also because they featured incredibly overt depictions of angst and malaise. American Football's music post-reunion is far less insular, and with their aging band members comes a more precise portrait of my current life: one characterized by the ability to function in the real world despite persistent, unceasing depression. In other words, the emotions here are palpable because they're less flashy -- after all, histrionic melodrama will only draw attention to one's own childishness, and we're all trying to avoid that, right? With "Uncomfortably Numb," Mike Kinsella finally makes the song I've always wanted him to make. On "Bad News" and "Ugly on the Inside," he delivered harrowing diatribes against friends that I personally read as songs written for himself (this line of thinking being an obvious projection of my own self-hatred). But here, he enlists Paramore's Hayley Williams to take on the role of a wife who's hurt by his decisions. Her topline is unmistakably Kinsella's (the "clear"/"see-through" line being a dead ringer for his lyrical style), so this track does give the semblance of Kinsella addressing himself, but I'm mostly reminded of conversations I've had with my sister; my parents never quite understood or acknowledged my depression, so my sister was the only family member who was evidently concerned about my mental health. But after years of my sister dealing with me, I understand that if she ever caught me in the worst of states again, there would be this mix of pain and compassion and tiredness that Hayley so effortlessly captures here. Her feature is doubly affecting because she represents a generation of emo bands that came after American Football's, highlighting how Kinsella is still succumbing to these habits and mindsets perpetuated by depression. The twinkling guitars and winding drums act to remind listeners of why it can be so hard to break free; the instrumentation is as pretty as anything on the 1999 debut, but it's also incredibly familiar, incredibly safe. When depressive thoughts and actions feel like the warp and weft of your being -- the typical non-solution to dealing with hardship or success or anything at all -- it's easy to default to such a mode of living, even when the numbness is uncomfortable. [9]

Iain Mew: As a dad who just lost my dad, I'm doing the mental equivalent of holding my hand in front of my face to avoid looking at this directly. Except it's all so gentle, nothing but chiming charm, that it's more like the recent time that the sunlight through my office window was perfectly lined up with the corner of my eye but I couldn't even see it there, just notice that my eyes kept watering. [6]

Thomas Inskeep: Never have heard them before, this is American Football, the supposedly legendary emo band? Because "Uncomfortably Numb" sounds uncomfortably like a soft Jason Mraz song. Emo as Adult Contemporary in 2019: who knew? [3]

Jonathan Bradley: The first time I heard the word "emo" was from the tracklist of Blink-182's Dude Ranch; they had named one of their songs this because it sounded a bit like Jimmy Eat World. I didn't know that then, so I got on to a search engine through my high school's computer lab -- school had internet, unlike home -- and AltaVista or Ask Jeeves wondered if I might be looking for Emo Philips. Or maybe an emu? Blink's intentions remained occluded for a few more years until I caught a chance airing of a Get Up Kids song on the radio, which led me to SongMeanings' deconstructions of Sunny Day Real Estate and early Pitchfork pans of The Promise Ring. Then the girl in my drama class with the cool hair who changed her name told me I had to listen to Death Cab because "Photo Booth" was "the most emo song ever." At a time when music gleamed with such bright intention -- even the "alternative" acts of the time, like Korn or Green Day, performed in spit-polished block capitals -- these foreign bands I glimpsed through newly connected dial-up sounded like nothing else: they could be muted, they could be unhewn, they could be obtuse. They were American, but a model of Americanness that was unknowable in Australia then. They were always, in a way mass culture seemed to discourage, unfailingly and embarrassingly earnest. I never heard American Football in 1999; we had the internet at home, but my precious download quota was spent, by chance, on Braid and Texas is the Reason. Hearing the shivering guitar tendrils of "Uncomfortably Numb" now, with its calm and studied drum figures, drops me vividly back into those days. Mike Kinsella's plain voice arcs modestly over the fussiness, melding at times indistinguishably with that of his stylistic successor Hayley Williams, and maybe its only beautiful in the context of the late 20th century. But no; it is beautiful now, too. [8]

Will Rivitz: "I'll never forget the first time I heard American Football because, like, you don't forget the halcyon summer before you depart your home city and go to university," begins a review of the band's reunion LP three years ago, and I think that's pretty on the mark for how people about my age consume and relate to this kind of emo. So much of its appeal is a nostalgia for times we were too young to know when they were happening and, a few years after that, a nostalgia for that nostalgia, the age at which this was the music punching our collective gut. It's weird and a little difficult to articulate: there's something comforting about looking back at other young adults when you yourself were one, understanding that, despite differences in musical diets and environments and technology and what have you, a college-aged guitar virtuoso is probably going to have the same sorts of fears you do. That, I think, is what makes emo's particular nostalgia so powerful; as late-teenaged walking and talking existential crises, we found solace in looking back. We learned that the late-teenaged walking and talking existential crises of a few decades back both captured how we felt with stunning accuracy and, often, made it through alive, helping us feel both less alone and less desolate. Even nostalgia has its limits, though, and though there's no obvious line to demarcate absolutely everything that can be contained in emo's resonant power, it seems reasonable to conclude that Hoobastank is not one of those things. [3]

Will Adams: Wisely restrained, dreamy but devastating, and generally pleasant to hear. At least during the moments it doesn't remind me of "The Reason." [6]

Tim de Reuse: The only good things about American Football's post-reunion material have been the parts that kinda sound like they could've been written back in the nineties, when their crisp, angst-driven debut wormed its way into the hearts of many a disaffected suburbanite. Judging by this single, it looks like their 2019 album is gonna be gaudy, covered in sparkly reverb and dramatic electric guitar tremolos -- and I'm not thrilled about that -- but while I sharply disagree with their sound engineer, I can't fault the composition itself, or the gorgeous (as always) showing by drummer Steve Lamos, or the choice of subject matter. Teenage stress gives way to directionless middle-aged depression: "How will I exist," he says, and there's a weird pang in my chest I didn't expect to get from a band that spent 14 years broken up. [6]

Alfred Soto: I hope these guys gave their engineer a bonus: boy, do those arpeggios sparkle. "Uncomfortably Numb" sparkles to muddled effect, for what they recorded is a valentine to anomie disguised as a depiction. [5]

Ian Mathers: I'm not sure what I expected (having not paid much attention back in the day) when I finally got around to hearing all these reunited or still going post-emo acts, but it sure wasn't for it all to be so determinedly, shapelessly... pleasant. I feel like I enjoyed it, but 10 seconds after it stops it's already vanished from memory. [6]

Alex Clifton: There are a lot of lovely quiet moments in this song with the rolling guitar in the background and some gorgeous harmonies between Hayley Williams and Mike Kinsella; this is more of the music I always wanted to hear Williams do. But something about it doesn't punch me the way it should. A song called "Uncomfortably Numb" should at minimum wedge itself under my skin with some hard truths about life I'd rather not acknowledge; if it wants to go harder, it should leave me devastated. But there's a lot to be said for the numbness here; try as I might to feel for these people, I can't conjure the feeling. [5]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[your-music-sucks]

My Dream Band

A question I ask almost all my music friends: if you could make a band with anyone dead or alive, who would be in it, and what would they play?

There aren’t many other questions more suitable to fanboy over. So many options, so many people, so many genres. And yet, most people would put Hendrix as their lead guitarist (they aren’t wrong for the most part). In this post, I’ll explain my person dream band, and then a couple other band combinations sure to make any music patron giddy with joy.

Without further ado, and in no particular order, here is my dream band.

Kirstin Maldonado - Pentatonix (Lead/Backup Singer)

I was always a fan of Penatonix even before I heard Kirstin sing solo. The complex harmonies, the superior arrangements an innovation, not to mention how they never seem to sing out of key. While watching PTX’s vlog, there was a part where Kirstin sang a solo performance, my ears were blessed, and my eyes were opened. And then there was her performance of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” reasserted my love and admiration for her as a singer.

Obviously, as a singer for Pentatonix, she’s got harmonies like no one’s business. She has a great range, never goes off key, can sight-read, and can improvise. However, my favorite part of Kirstin (other than her dog) is her ability to change the tone of her voice. Obviously, it would sound weird to sing harmonies with a heavy vibrato, or sing lead straight flat. Kirstin has the ability to change her vibrato and pitch to crush any arrangement I’d give her, whether singing lead or in the back. I’d do anything for a chance to work with her, and very deserving of this job in my dream band.

Hayley Williams - Paramore (Lead Vocals)

Nobody is arguing Paramore’s staying power and ability to write a damn catchy song, but there’s a reason why Hayley is the first person on everyone’s minds when they think “female vocalist”. Anyone whose heard her have a hard time forgetting her. She has one of the most iconic voices in recent memory, and a fantastic range. The biggest reason why I want her in my band is her driving and rough around the edges voice. It would compliment Kirstin’s voice perfectly and make for some seriously sweet harmonies.

Dominic Howard - Muse (Drums/Percussion)

Muse is already one of my all-time favorite bands (excusing their latest few efforts). I love their chord progressions, the way they add classical flavor into rock, all three members of the band are amazing musicians (every time Matt plays piano, I get super jealous). I choose Dom to wield the sticks in my dream band because he has a perfect combination of holding down the beat and adding flair, behaving himself and keeping things interesting. He never compromises the feel of the song, but whenever the spotlight falls on him, he shows the world he can play.

Mike Dirnt - Green Day (Bass)

As some of you know who actually follow this blog, I put out an opinion piece on why Green Day is the best punk band ever. Mike Dirnt is one of the reasons why. First off, he has tons of stamina. Anyone who can play “Platypus (I Hate You)” live with all of Billie Joe’s extended pauses without stopping or breaking a sweat is god-tier in my book. Second, like Dom, always knows how to balance flair and foundation. I consider Dookie one of the best bass albums of all time. The licks and riffs Dirnt plays are bar none to any punk bassist dead or alive. Finally, he knows how to stay in the pocket. No beat he hits is off. He makes Green Day on a James Brown level of band symmetry. He’ll do the same for my dream band.

Neil Giraldo - Pat Benatar (Lead Guitar)

While I’m not the biggest fan of Pat Benatar, I am well aware of her impact on music and the laundry load of hits she has under her leather spiked belt. One of the reasons for her success? Neil Giraldo. Everything riff or solo this man touches turns to gold. He doesn’t just shred, he shreds tastefully. He doesn’t just go in guns a-blazing and hit every blues scale note on the fret board. Giraldo was the rock element Pat as looking for in her music, and he would make the perfect soloist for my dream band. He’s got the riffs, he’s tasteful, and he’s got major chops.

The Famous Flames - James Brown (Brass Section)

Speaking of James Brown level of synergy. There is no single backing band tighter then The Famous Flames. You know how I know that? James Brown would frequently test them live by stopping and starting songs at will, and constantly change the song live to test if the band was paying attention. Knowing that, and seeing how the band played like they were the same person, it should come as no surprise why they make the band. Like, at all. They can learn any work of music, and would never fail to learn it by the day of the show. They’d be ready for anything

Rick Wakeman - Yes (Keyboards/Organ)

I don’t really listen to Yes. But if you listen to “Roundabout” and don’t think that man is the best keyboard player of his era, I have nothing to say to you.

And there we have it! My dream band. For genre, they would make pop rock with flairs of ska and electro. 

BONUS BANDS

The Ultimate Emo Band:

Brendan Urie - Panic! At the Disco (Vocals/Rhythm Guitar)

Ray Toro - My Chemical Romance (Lead Guitar)

Pete Wentz - Fall Out Boy (Bass)

Josh Dun - twenty one pilots (Drums)

They would play all their respective hits. Millions would cry, millions would scream. They’d all make more money than they ever knew what to do with, or knew existed.

The Ultimate Jam Band

Jimi Hendrix (Guitar)

Flea - Red Hot Chili Peppers (Bass)

Jon Bonham - Led Zeppelin (Drums)

Every attempt to praise their music would still make them under hyped. Their first album is a combination of odd time signatures, funk, and psychedelic blues. Rock experts would never go outside again.

And finally...

The Nightmare Band (The Worst Band Ever)

Fred Durst - Limp Bizkit (Lead Guitar)

Yoko Ono - Plastic Ono Band (Lead Vocals/Drums)

Tom Delonge - blink-182 (Keyboard)

Sid Vicious - The Sex Pistols (bass)

This band would be tasked with playing "Through the Fire and Flames” by Dragonforce. They would get very limited rehearsal time. Rock experts would never go outside again, but for a different reason.

[onestowatch]

Frames on Pop-Punk, Sex Work, and Their Debut Album ‘Every Room’ [Q&A]

Richmond, Virginia's very own Frames, have released their heartfelt and hard-hitting debut album Every Room. The record is a nostalgia-charged piece of art full of reflection and retribution, turbulence and tenacity. The band, comprised of Sarah Phung, Carter Wahl, Blake Layman, and Alex Wilson, joining on guitar, bass, and drums, respectively, comes alive with their intense and intimate emo drive and captivating passion.

Ones To Watch caught up with Phung to talk about the transition from being a solo artist to a band, the inspirations that fueled the album's creation, and legitimizing sex work.

Ones To Watch: In an interview with Brooklyn Vegan, you talked about how you intentionally made the music video for "Table Top" compressed and pixelated, wanting to capture the nostalgia and energy we felt from music videos we grew up watching on TRL. Can you talk a bit more about this process and how you went about executing this idea?

Frames: So the video is done by my friend Gavin Stout; we go way back. We've been hometown friends there for a decade, and he's excellent with video. We sat down to talk about treatment and plots, and we threw a lot out there, and I don't know why it came to mind. I was like, “I think we should have some skateboarding B-roll,” and he was asking me for ideas and references. I just couldn't stop thinking about every single video I ever watched pre-2009, and I just really miss real MTV and Fuse, and I'm really bummed that that era is over, because I'll probably never get to live that dream of mine. One of my biggest music-related dreams is being on one of those music video programs on TV, but that culture is over. So I was like, “Well, why don't we bring back that visual of an afterschool music video show with this.” So then the rest of the band all dropped in bits of the idea and formed it together. Gavin's idea was to have the performance take place in his garage, and it has that very homey and throwback feel. We jokingly were like, “Oh, this needs to be shot at like 120p,” and we talked about how it needs to be the lowest resolution possible.

That whole, recorded with a potato kind of vibe.

Exactly! Gavin went out thrifting to look for an old camcorder or something, and when he got back, he had some old hand video camera, and he goes, “Guys, I have bad news. This thing is like kind of good quality for an old camcorder.” It was an old Sony flip-out camcorder, but it was still kind of nice. So he said he'll do what he can to make it look the way we wanted. So it was kind of tricky, because he is good at what he does. I mean, he's a corporate video editor and did commercials and stuff, so it was hard for him to intentionally make it bad quality. It was really funny to have to continuously remind each other that this has to look bad but not like bad because we suck and like we're not good at what we're doing. It has to look intentional, and that's hard to do. We kept looking back to the video “Make Damn Sure” by Taking Back Sunday as inspiration. It's just one of those weird performance videos where they're in some room, and all of a sudden, there's a car crash test zone type of room. So, we were looking at that video and asking ourselves how they did it because watching it now, you can tell that it's not up to industry standard these days, but we can tell that it's the best with what they had. So we figured out that it's not in the resolution, but there are other ways to make the video look very professional and high quality, but this was made in 2004. So yeah, we were just really hyped and hyper-focused on making it look exactly like you're coming home, you throw your bookbag on the floor, turn the TV on, and then hey, it's us.

It feels like every detail is purposely made to capture the spirit and genuineness of the project, and that energy seeps through the whole record.

We try to be intentional in that way. I think you're right. I hope you're right. We try our best to, you know, being a smaller and not super established band with not a lot of known history, of course on the business side of things, we want to make the right moves so that we can get to a place where making art can sustain us, so we can dedicate more time to it. That's every musician's dilemma where they want to stay true to their craft but also need to make a living, so we have to juggle that a lot. Luckily, when it comes to the creative direction, most of the time, what we want, tends to be like, this is going to work because it has to. We're not going to emulate anything out of thinking that it's going to bring us success. We're doing it purely because I like what we are. I miss the Ashlee Simpson, Avril Lavigne, Paramore, Hey Monday days. I wanted to be a part of that, but I didn't get to be because I was young. But now, I'm going to start my own era of that. So hopefully, that works, and hopefully, it sticks, and people get what we're doing.

Frames originally started as a solo project, but recently it's now expanded into a four-piece. What made you want to make that transition, and how has that adjustment been for you?

Pretty much every aspect of the Frames origin story leads back to some early 2000s nostalgia. Pretty much everything leads back to me being 10 years old and loving Avril Lavigne and Paramore, who are pretty much the two greatest female pop-punk artists, and I just knew that I always wanted to have a full band to write with, to play with, to be friends with. I wanted everything that came with being in a band, musically but also personally and socially. I want to share the creative control, and for a while, I didn't have a lot of music friends, and I wasn't deep enough in being a musician to know how to work with the band, but I knew that I wanted to just start getting things out. So with the Frames EP, that was just me, and I already knew then that I would eventually find a full band. Frames is named after my best friend Framers, and I forgot why I thought of that, but I think it came down to picking a name. I hadn't thought that hard on it, but I wanted it to be some sort of tribute to someone or something really important to me, and then I thought, well, he's important to me and also important to my music, because he's been my number one fan since day one. He's always been pushing me to start putting things out because, at that point, he was the only person that would hear stuff that I was writing, and it was just phone demos. So I guess that the two core points of the Frames origin story are me living out my childhood dream of being a power-pop singer and naming my band after my best friend.

That sounds like a good friend right there.

He also introduced me to most of the musicians that end up being my influences.

Like who?

Daughter, Lucy Rose. It's funny I don't talk about Lucy Rose nearly enough, but she's fantastic. Everyone knows Lucy Dacus, but this is my Lucy. She has a song called “Shiver,” and I really liked it, so I learned to play it. It's in an open tuning, so I learned that song in that tuning and that tuning and the general progression of the song is what I used to write last year on the EP and then this year on the album. So these songs are a direct product of listening to Lucy Rose.

How did you meet your current bandmates?

My guitarist Carter Wahl and I met six or seven years ago through mutual friends during Richmond's house show glory days. So he was the first band member from very early on, like well before the rest of the band, because between him and the rest of the band, I had a lot of rotating friends for like, shows and weekend tours. So Carter's a core part of Frames because he writes solid parts, although I write most of the material. And then, Alex. I was asking around, and there were a few drummers that I knew and liked, and I had known Alex through mutual friends, so I reached out to him and asked him if he wanted to play in my band. He is also in this other band called Twin Drugs, and they're like a shoegaze band. At first, he said he didn't have enough time to take on a new project, but after listening to some of our music, he decided he wanted to be in something much different than what he was in. He wanted to, in his words, "I just want to play 4/4." He was like, "I just want to play a simple beat, and I want to be in a pop band," and I was like, "Well, here's a pop band." So he came along, and then I asked if he knew any bassists, and he said he would ask his bassist from Twin Drugs, Blake Layman. I was a little skeptical and kept thinking that this needed to work because we would be spending so much time together, and we would be sharing so much control. This needs to be someone that everyone has to get along with, and it just worked out great. Blake is an actual angel, and we all get along really well.

Sounds like everyone in the band was made for each other.

Yeah, and it's nice that we all have the same ideas, visions, goals, and styles pretty much. So I write my parts, and I give them my thoughts for what I want the song to come out sounding like loosely, but for the most part, they write their parts, and I don't think that any of them have ever come up with anything that hasn't matched exactly what it sounded like in my head. So that's awesome.

What is your songwriting process like?

I'm definitely a very lyric-heavy person. When I was younger, poetry and lyrics were some of my biggest interests and the main focus of my music writing before I became a stronger guitarist and just a better overall composer. Now and then, I'll just have lines or ideas that I'll write down, so I stitch together the lyric scraps when I have music. Other times, I feel the writing rush, and if I have time for it, I'll sit down and just start playing something or start babbling something, and usually, when I do that, I like to sit down to start a song, and I finish it. I don't like to leave it and pick it up later.  

What story does Every Room tell? Is it a chapter in the life of Frames with a set beginning and end, or is it more of an anthology series where every song is a separate story?

It's a little bit of an anthology, but with an underlying theme throughout all of them. A lot of my lyrics tend to be talk therapy for me. This collection of songs is from a very emotionally turbulent time but a different type of emotional turbulence than the one I would describe with the EP. The EP was like, pre this specific relationship, and then this album is like all of the emotions that came after that relationship that I was unprepared for, so a lot of it is anxiety. I haven't gotten to talk about "Body Kicks" very much, but that entire song is about anxiety, and if you read the lyrics, you'll know for certain. So a lot of these songs are about me processing a lot of things, not just talking about them. I'm breaking them down and figuring out why I'm feeling them, what I'm supposed to do with these feelings, if I need to just like sit with them and then let them go, or if I need to learn something from them and if I should even be having them, if it's healthy to and how I can communicate them to other people. It's hard enough knowing what you're feeling, but then you're like, well, what now? What do I do with it? 

I'm sure that's a situation many people can relate to and find comfort knowing they aren't the only ones who've experienced something like that.

I try consciously to write about aspects of relationships that aren't sung about very much, or we've heard for the most. So we've heard all the heart-achy, gut-wrenching stuff, and we've heard all the butterflies infatuation songs, but there's like something in between that doesn't get explored. I think because maybe either writers don't know how to write it, or they just don't feel that it's as glamorous of a topic to talk about. I think that's where I naturally am most of the time in my head anyway, kind of in between the best and the worst feelings.

Are you describing the grey area of relationships where you're sad but not heartbroken?

Yeah exactly. Sad but not heartbroken. So I'm like, “Well, if I'm not heartbroken, what am I sad about?”

Can we expect music in the future from Frames to dive more into themes like anxiety and relationships, or do you feel like, in the next album cycle you would want to change it up?

I don't know if we'll get to bring it up in this album cycle, but the sex worker part of me has been very briefly mentioned in relation to the band. I definitely want to explore that more as a facet of my musicianhood. I don't know how I'm gonna write about working at a club, but they're definitely connected in some way. So I'm gonna find how they're connected.

How did you feel about the influx of people diving into the world of sex work on OnlyFans when the pandemic first hit?

Early on, when a bunch of previously non-sex-worker women were going to OnlyFans because of COVID, of course, I was like, "You're not a real sex worker," and I thought taking nudes wasn't sex work. But now I'm like, "Who cares? Whatever." I believe if you do sex work, you are a sex worker. If you perform any sort of sexuality in return for money, that's sex work, and I do not want sex workers' money to be messed with.

Right, because sex work is work and shouldn't be delegitimized.

Right. I guess I don't look like I would be a stripper. I don't really show it, and it's not that obvious to the music people around me, but I do talk about it a lot. I think that even people who mean well and believe that they're allies, and are in support of sex workers and sex work, are not even aware of how much they have this idea of what a sex worker should look like, should sound like, or should act like. So I think that me being who I am and doing the things that I do, I like to be very open and transparent about sex work, because then it gives more exposure to the fact that we're just ordinary people. I want to remind people that you never really know who you're around. People love to say that they're an ally or supportive of something when they're not even aware of those people around them.

What would you tell your nine to fourteen-year-old self about the art you're creating now?

Nine to fourteen-year-old me was what I envisioned for my music process, playing music, being a musician. But, unfortunately, I was focused more on the external factors and the whole "being a rock star" thing and not nearly as focused on my actual music writing. I knew how to write a song a little bit, but I was caught up being world-famous and filthy rich as a kid. So, I guess my answer would be don't worry about the external things because they will come naturally. The fame and fortune part is just a Hollywood dream, and even if it could happen, it doesn't always end up nearly as satisfying as just doing what you love to do.