#and the emotional core of the movie absolutely wrecked me

[ibrokeeverything]

*screeches into the void*

[sugar-crash]

🏎️Turbo (Wreck-It Ralph) x (gn) Reader🏁

(Sleep Edition!)

(Request here! Honestly, I’m surprised it took me so long to use an ICP song for Turbo, something about him just screams Juggalo, probably the paper white skin or the innate violent impulsivity🔑, I dunno lol)

- Alright so, even unconscious Turbo is selfish, an absolute blanket hog, and you’d think with how small the guy is he wouldn’t take as much of bed space but he does, spreading his limbs out like he’s a fat cat who just ate a good portion of some cat kibble earlier.

- I think he’d be a snorer, but like, usually when he’s on his back and it isn’t obnoxious, no loud sleep apnea snoring here.

- Much like everything else, it takes a while for him to get used to sleeping with you whenever you guys can without necessities of working or doing some other things after hours.

- In my opinion I think the need for sleep for the game characters of Wreck-It Ralph is far less important seeing how after hours they display little to no sleep deprivation all throughout the movie even though it spans roughly 2 nights filled with action and 2 work days.

- So this may be a rare occurrence, but it’s certainly not impossible, considering with the existence of Tapper’s in which we see these game characters drinking, meaning they may have ways to both gain and lose energy.

- Despite this, Turbo I think would be less inclined to exercise a healthy sleeping routine, just having so much to do and wanting to have every moment awake to prove to him and others around him that he is worthy of the title of the beloved game protagonist of Mr. Litwak’s arcade.

- Those eye bags and more unhealthy disposition in comparison to the art on the side of his arcade cabinet says all that needs to be known.

- Which adds to his easily agitated demeanor, so, possibly, maybe, I dunno, getting him to finally fucking sleep after who knows how long makes him chill the fuck out for once.

- Afterwards, he doesn’t verbally thank you for it, typical, too stubborn to admit he was the wrong one in this situation but shows his thanks the next time you disregard your health, calling you stupid among other things while either metaphorically or literally dragging you away from what’s making you unhealthy.

- Inevitably, much like many of the aspects of your relationship he comes to like having sleeping sessions with you, having you beside him while he’s in one of his vulnerable states.

- He doesn’t like being seen as weak and it shows consciously and unconsciously, so having someone whose opinion and perspective of him matters to him seeing him like that displays something he probably never thought would ever do— To be truly trusting of someone beyond himself.

- To be with him alone is something he doesn’t expect from anyone, let alone you— A part of him knows he’s not exactly the best when it comes to another person’s emotions, whether intentional or not.

- So someone like you who shows genuine interest in and keeps showing that rocks him to the very core at times, a kind pang of emotion he doesn’t know how to comprehend just yet.

- Again he hides this with hostility at times, threatening you a bit so you don’t tell anyone of this self-perceived weakness.

- Paralleling him to a cat once more when I say, you can’t force this— He doesn’t hang on your every word or action, he needs to be eased into this new normal and be given consistent reassurance that you are what you portray, ironic isn’t it?

- I think he slowly comes to be truly comfortable with you sleeping with him, but I don’t see him cozying up to you easily, he’s just a naturally rigid guy.

- However I don’t think he’s a block of ice completely, he does have the capacity and does hold onto you whenever you’re in bed with him after some gentle coaxing.

- Talking him to sleep is a common thing during these moments, something about being softly spoken to lulling the racer to sleep eventually.

- He’s a crippling insomniac and no one can tell me otherwise, just look at him.

- This is a very interesting way you guys bond, it isn’t over the top or over-complicated, it’s you and him sharing a sweet moment.

(Y ntyeb yd mlpfdyev fqljcx inniptlu rynt ntyk ptijipnlj ys ntin yken fmqyfok icjliux.)

[shegoesbyjoy]

i've been thinking a lot about why Disco Elysium in particular has touched the core of my being in a way no other piece of media has and i think there are several factors at play here. this is half a review and half me dumping my various thoughts on this game ever since i finished it a couple months ago.

AS A VIDEO GAME ITSELF—i've been trying to identify what exactly it is about certain games that causes them to rise above all the rest that i've played, and i have come to the realization that in all of them, combat is usually one of the least consequential things on that list. i love Hades, have dumped 160+ hrs into it, but despite it being a very combat-heavy game with extremely tight controls that i do find truly satisfying, that is not what kept me playing. it's the characters, the art, the story, the world-building, the music...

similarly, while the combat in Horizon Zero Dawn is really quite fun, what really charmed me about it was its spunky, badass protagonist and fascinating mechanical creature designs, in addition to the story set in a world that captivated me from beginning to end. Night in the Woods took my breath away with its emotional & poignant writing told through a unique & delightful art style. i didn't even finish The Last of Us, but Ellie's moment with the giraffes is ingrained in my brain—and of course i went ahead and watched someone else play through to the end so i could enjoy the rest of the story without having to slog through zombie fights myself. so while i always appreciate well-executed combat in games (and have given up on games that do it too poorly), it's never what keeps my interest.

SO. what happens when you take combat out of a game entirely, and absolutely excel at everything else? you see where this is going.

THE CHOICE OF MEDIUM—the fact that DE's story was told through a video game (as opposed to a book, a show, a movie, etc.) is absolutely crucial, because of your active role in the consumption of said story. i think that's what gives some of its scenes such devastating emotional impact. watching this train wreck of a character that you happen to be playing blurt out the most unhinged responses despite your best attempt to salvage the situation, coming to terms with the awful reality of what's in front of you at the same time Harry does, seeing the immediate results of your choices as well as slowly realizing how your choices affect the story long-term as the pieces start coming together... all of this creates an immersive experience that is unparalleled. the game doesn't take self-insert so seriously that the protagonist ~can be anyone~ (Harry's characterization is, in fact, very strong and well-established) but there's absolutely no way a Disco Elysium book or show would have the same impact as me having to progress the story by fucking around and finding out.

GAME SPOILERS AHEAD—combining these two aspects of DE helps to explain what made the tribunal the MOST TENSE i've ever felt playing a video game. this is essentially as close to combat as you'll get in this game. you've just spent the last 20-30 hours becoming very familiar with the mechanics of the game with regards to the dice rolls. you become accustomed to the fact that most skill checks are white so you can come back to them, and that red checks are comparatively rare. enter the tribunal: suddenly you have several very high stakes red checks in a row. you can't leave. you can't try an individual check again if you fail. the story itself has been alluding to this very moment throughout the game. people are DYING, and the lives of those that remain, including your own, are on the line. your earlier decisions have come to a head.

it was 3 am when i got to this point in the game, and the reality of the situation i found myself in shook off every bit of sleepiness i'd been feeling up to this point—my eyes were wide open and my heart was pounding.

i know many people who play video games derive a lot of satisfaction from perfecting mechanics, learning patterns, or deducing the weaknesses of a difficult boss. for me, this satisfaction gets dwarfed by the frustration of having to spend far too long dealing with it in the first place. triggering a boss battle oddly takes me out of the story, because it feels like a very marked switch from "being the protagonist in the game's world" to "sitting on my couch playing a Video Game", where the same repetitive action of "killing the enemy" becomes my goal, no matter what the game is.

by contrast, the tribunal was very much a continuation of the story with each skill check having immediate results on how that story plays out. no other moment in the game was quite like it, and i had no idea how this sequence of events was going to go, so every action felt extremely fraught. i was on the edge of my seat in a way no other game has gotten me to feel, because the weight of this encounter felt monumental in DE. and of course, this is where you come across an iconic skill check where you find out exactly how much your previous choices matter...

i was so damn nervous during this check i probably would've cried if i failed it lmao

FUCK YOUR EXPECTATIONS—this leads me to the other thing that's got me smitten with this game: the subversion of expectations. dialogue options are never written so transparently as to have a "correct" answer, and trying to stay neutral with my answers got me a well-deserved smack in the head in the form of a brutal burn about the dangers of centrism. we have 3-dimensional characters that make you growl in frustration one moment and your heart swell in the next, descriptions that make you marvel at both the beauty and ugliness of humanity, situations where you feel crushed by sadness and dread then want to cry tears of happiness because despite all of it, there is still magic left in the world. it's also so goddamn funny. this game is fucking hilarious—and what is comedy, what is a punch line but the subversion of an audience's expectations established during the setup?

Disco Elysium is a game that far exceeds the sum of its parts. it excels in its storytelling, its voice acting brings incredible life to said phenomenal writing, its gorgeous painterly art style is visually compelling, its music is flawlessly incorporated to full effect, it's intellectually stimulating and fascinating philosophically, and as a murder mystery (oh yeah that's what this game's premise is, right?) it's just plain fun to reveal clue after clue while pondering theories as to what the heck is going on. these individual components come together to create a multi-dimensional piece of media that's deeply human, yet fantastical and absurd. it's uncomfortably relatable while inspiring empathy for even the most unfamiliar of experiences.

for instance, i have no personal experience with alcoholism or addiction, but boy do i sure know what it's like to have a compulsion to apologize at every opportunity for simply existing—to want to cease existing, period. i don't know what it's like to grow up and live in a post-soviet country yet the experience in-game felt as vivid as ever, inextricable from the story's identity. i felt a pang of pained recognition in Kim's complicated relationship with his race as diaspora, and found myself wishing i had the ability to respond even half as effectively as he did with the Racist Lorry Driver during my own past run-ins with racist assholes. this game has caused me to think more deeply about my own politics, my relationships, the world around me, the power of art, the role of capitalism, beauty, hope... even what it means to be alive.

A CHANGED PERSON—a realization i came to a while ago while talking to a friend was that almost all of the media i had enjoyed up to that point shared a theme of escapism in one way or another. there have been many moments in my life where i wished to be somewhere else. to be someone else. i immersed myself in stories where the fantasy of it seemed so much better than the reality of my own life. this game forced me to reckon with where i am, who i am. and not only that, it encouraged me to be accepting and loving of the here and now, despite every single flaw i seemed to be obsessed with pointing out. it made it abundantly clear that constantly running away was not a viable way of living, and that flaws were not a reason to give up. "something beautiful is going to happen"—i should very damn well let it.

it's not an exaggeration to say this game has changed me irrevocably, and the fact that this impossible piece of art even exists in this world feels like a miracle. i'm so grateful that i got to experience it.

[sugarbooger513]

JJK Men x Insecure chubby Fem!reader

Today has been hard to think of myself positively, and I have friends who struggle with the same thing, so I thought I could indulge some people with some very loved characters reminding us that, no matter our size, we're perfect.

Characters: Satoru Gojo, Toji Fushiguro, Choso Kamo, Kento Nanami

Warnings: Insecurities, body dysphoria, Toji's gets spicy (sue me), suggestive at the end of Nanami's, tooth rotting fluff.

Satoru Gojo

- Let's be completely honest here, this man rarely feels insecure, if he ever does.

- He wouldn't be able to sympathize, but that doesn't mean he doesn't care. In fact, it makes him care a lot more.

- His comfort methods aren't for everyone either, so be prepared. He's trying, give him that.

- Humor. That's what this man knows. Iykyk, this man deflects any form of trauma with his humor.

- If he notices it isn't working, then he'll come up with something else because he loves you. That love tells him that he has to try.

"Oh sweetie pie, I'm home!" Satoru's voice carries easily through the house, but you can't seem to care at the moment. Your cheeks still feel somewhat sticky from the tears that have fallen the past thirty minutes.

"Honey bun? I said I-" His voice cuts off, and you know you're caught. The bed shifts where your boyfriend lowers himself beside you. "Y/N, why are you crying?"

"I-I don't want to talk about it, Satoru." He removes his blindfold with a small chuckle. "Did your favorite anime character die?" "No." "You sure? You tend to sob when-" "I said I don't want to talk about it."

He freezes at the way you lash out at him. Yeah, something is actually wrong.

"Love," his voice softens in a way that shows how worried he is, "is there anything I can do to help? Anything at all?" You're quiet for a minute, but you eventually scoot closer to him.

"You want me to hold you?" All you manage is a nod before more tears slide down your cheeks. His long arms encase you securely against him. "I can do that as long as you need. I'm here for you, Y/N."

The two of you stay like that, you crying softly into his uniform while he runs his hand up and down your back.

Eventually, your sobs turn into small sniffles, and you finally speak. "I.. I'm sorry for snapping at your earlier, Sato." He smiles at the loving nickname. "No, baby, I'm sorry for joking around. You wanna talk about it now?"

"I just... I was thinking about.. how many girls looks so much better than I do." He scoffs. "You're kidding, right?" "Sato.." "No, I mean that. It isn't a joke. Baby, we've been through this since day one. I. Want. You."

You hide your now blushing face against his chest. "But.. I just don't understand.." "Look at me, baby." When you do, his bright blue eyes seem to shimmer. "You're the love of my life. You're gorgeous, stunning, beautiful, and every other synonym to those that I'll have to get Nanami to teach me because I will remind you everyday until it gets through your thick ass skull."

His hand comes up to rest on your chubby cheek, where he starts to wipe away the drying tears. "I. Love. You. So. Freaking. Much. Y/N." Each word is punctuated with a kiss on a different part of your face, until he eventually meets your lips.

The small giggles you let out makes him smile. "There's that beautiful laugh! Come on, why don't I pop some popcorn and we go watch whatever you want on the TV?" Your shit eating grin makes him snort a bit of laughter. "Even if it ends in a favorite character dying?"

"I don't mind having to hold you a bit longer."

Toji Fushiguro

- This is also someone I don't think can really empathize with you and your insecurities.

- However, when this man falls he falls HARD

- He will do anything in his power to make you feel better.

- Well

- Anything he can do while still seeming nonchalant about it

- Lets talk about how this man would take matters into his own hands, with his own hands, to make sure you know how loved you are. (You couldn't have expected just fluff with him, give me a break y'all.)

"Y/N," Toji kicks his shoes off carelessly at the door, "I'm home." He raises a confused eyebrow when he looks around the house. Plates from your movie night yesterday lay strewn about the coffee table, still.

'She never leaves dishes out. That's weird.'

He starts to walk around the house, worry filling his chest. It just isn't like you to leave a mess, or to not greet him at the door. There's no way someone came and did something to you, right? No one is THAT dumb, surely.

When he hears the small sniffles coming from your shared bedroom, he breathes a small sigh of relief. "Y/N? I'm coming in." He pushes the bedroom door open to see you cuddling his pillow while laying on your side.

His eyes widen at the sight of your body trembling from the small sobs. "Y/N?" He walks around the bed to kneel in front of you. "What happened?"

"N-Nothing Toji. Sorry, I-I know the house is a w-wreck." "Shut up about the damn house. I don't care. Why are you crying?"

You finally sit up, which lets him sit beside you on the bed. "I just.. Bad day." "Who do I need to stab?" "T-Toji?! You can't solve everything by stabbing!" He shrugs a bit. "You can try."

He smiles sweetly when you slap his arm. "That isn't funny." "Hmmm, but it made your cheeks flush." "Toji Fushiguro!" "Alright, alright. You wanna tell me what's wrong now?"

"I just.. looked in a mirror for too long, babe. Don't worry about-" "I'm lost. What do you mean you looked in one for too long?" You sigh, knowing he hates vague answers.

"My body is disgusting me today, Toji." He scrunches his eyebrows and leans in a bit closer to you. Your face heats up from the slight glare in his eyes.

"Looks the same to me." "Toji, I-" "Correct yourself." His already deep voice seems to drop even lower. Your entire body trembles. "S-Sir."

"Good girl. Now, let me get this straight. You don't think you're attractive." You shake your head, suddenly feeling the tears come back to your eyes. "Why not?" "J-Just.. my body.. it isn't.." "Skinny?" The word hurts your heart, but you nod, knowing he expects some sort of answer.

"So? You're exactly what I need, Y/N." You glance up to meet his loving gaze. "N-need?" "Don't play dumb. You know I need you. Now, we have to fix those insecurities."

He stands, offering his hand out to you. When you take it, he pulls you to your feet.

"Now," he groans as he lays back down on the bed, "I've had a tiring day at work. I want you to strip and come take a seat." "A-a seat?" His smirk tells you what you need to know before he elaborates. "I AM rather starved. Come on, I'm pretty impatient."

"To-Sir, I'm too.." "Heavy? Try again. You aren't getting out of this." He snaps his fingers, and the sound runs deep into your core. His eyes watch you hungrily as you start to get out of your pants.

"Now, for every one of your orgasms, I want to hear 'I'm Toji's pretty princess.' Understand?" "Y-yes sir."

You have no idea what posses you, but you finally let out you own witty comment. "You could at least take me to dinner first."

"You cheeky brat, don't worry. I have plans for your meal."

Hope you don't mind being hoarse for a while. You had to repeat just how pretty you were a number of times.

Choso Kamo

- SWEETEST MOTHER FUCKER I SWEAR

- He doesn't see a single flaw in you, honestly.

- Plus, he doesn't really understand beauty standards. All he knows is he loves every inch of you.

- Nothing goes unloved by this big ass baby.

- You crying would probably bring him to tears because he feeds off your emotion.

- But there is no doubt this man will do anything and everything to see your smile again.

- A true king who just wants his queen as happy as she makes him.

He left you for maybe an hour. Maybe. Choso just had to run and pick up a movie from Yuji.

"Angel, Yuji said that we have to-" He drops the movie the instant he sees tears in your eyes. "L-love? What happened?"

He rushes to your side and wastes no time wrapping you in his strong embrace. Your hands grip his shirt in a feeble attempt to pull him closer.

"What happened? Do you need something? A doctor?" His eyes are scanning your body for any signs of pain. His hands running gently over your back, arm, sides, but everything seems normal.

"I-I'm okay, Cho." "No, you aren't. Please, angel, don't lie to me." His own eyes start to fill with tears, but he tries to will them away. He knows he shouldn't be crying, but seeing you in any pain hurts him just as much.

"Cho, I just.. It's stupid." His large hands cup your face so you're forced to meet his eyes. "Nothing that makes you cry is stupid. Absolutely nothing, my love."

"I.. I tried to put on a hoodie of yours because I was cold." He blinks in confusion. "Was.. was it dirty?" "No I.. I stretched it out.." he tilts his head.

"Is that all?" You nod, but even more tears come to your eyes. "I just hate how big I am.. I thought you would find it cute to come home and see me in your clothes but.. I just messed them up.." He stands, suddenly walking into the kitchen. "C-Cho?"

"I bought some of your favorite ice cream. You know, the kind you always crave on your period. I figure we can cuddle and you can enjoy it while we watch a movie."

"I- I don't really want anything to eat." He smiles, still grabbing it and a spoon. "I know, but just in case. Listen," he places the carton on the table next to you, "you're gorgeous. Every part of you just screams beauty. Nothing could ever change that. Not your size, not you stretching out a stupid hoodie, not you crying, nothing."

He opens the carton, only to get a spoonful out and kneel in front of you. "Open up, angel." You do as he says and allow him to feed you the ice cream. You can't help but smile as you eat it.

His index finger wipes a few old tears from your cheeks. "There's that smile I love. Now, I think we need a movie and some cuddles. How does that sound?" You can only nod, absolutely floored by how much Choso truly loves you.

No more negative thoughts came to your mind while you laid against his chest. He even took a few times to feed you more ice cream throughout the movie.

Oh yeah, he totally bought new hoodies in a bigger size so you could wear them around the house without fear of stretching them.

Kento Nanami

- KING ENERGY

- You can't tell me this man doesn't want someone who acts as his pillow. Come on.

- That being said, Nanami knows how it is to be insecure.

- Whether it's over body insecurity or not, that can be argued either way. Still, insecurities aren't something he's ignorant about.

- On days where you can't seem to like your body, he'll do whatever you need.

- Need to be alone? No problem. Need someone to talk to you? Covered. Just need to be told you're loved? He'll tell you as many times as it takes.

- However, he can't help but be blunt. That's just who he is.

- He does it out of love for you, though. He never wants you to believe something that isn't true.

It's really hard for you and Nanami to get the same day off of work, and today was no different. Since you were the one working today, Nanami decided to take up cleaning the house and preparing dinner. He would also insist on doing the dishes, but he knew better. You never allow him to do all of the work.

He watched the clock hit five thirty and smiled. No doubt, that was your car he heard pull into the driveway. Now that you were home, he could surprise you by telling you that he managed to get the next five days off, which matched your schedule.

The front door opens, and he's quick to call out a "Welcome home, dear. Dinner will be done soon." He turns his body, preparing to catch you in his embrace as usual. However, all that happens is you call back, "Thanks, Ken."

His eyebrows furrow, and he quickly takes dinner off the stove so he can go check on you. He's not one to forget anniversaries or anything like that, so his mind is going through any possible reason you just called him Ken.

"Bad day at work, dear?" He wipes his hand on his apron as he comes around the corner. You were already sitting on the couch, eyes on your phone. "Yeah, I guess." "Okay," he sighs and sits beside you, "would you like to talk about it?" When you finally look at him, his eyes widen. Your eyes are puffy, as if you had been crying.

"Y/N.." "It's just coworker drama, Ken, don't worry too much about it." He scrunches his face. Those women you work with always pissed him off. He's noticed them staring at him whenever he brings you lunch. "Well, humor me a bit. What happened today?"

He just knows you can't resist gossiping with him after a work day. "I-I don't want to repeat it, Ken." The worried look in his eyes makes you whimper. "What?"

"I'm not used to you calling me 'Ken' at home." "Sorry, honey. It's nothing you did." He smiles softly and reaches to cup one of your cheeks in his hand. "Are you sure you don't want to tell me?" You do. God, you do because you know you'll cry again and he'll be here to hold you through it.

"They started talking about you." "Me?" "Yeah," you look at your hands, already feeling your chest tighten, "and started laughing at how you're.. settling for someone who is as big as I am.."

Nanami's soft looks suddenly turns harsh. How dare they say stuff like that? What's worse is he's sure they knew you could hear them!

"Really?" When you nod, a tear falls onto your lap. "It just.. really hurt knowing that I'm not the only one who thinks that." "Y/N.." He pulls you into a hug with a soft sigh.

"Don't think like that. Dear, if I wanted anything different than what I have now, you would know it." You sigh and cuddle into his warm embrace. "I know, but-" "But nothing, my love. I love you, only you, forever you. Do you understand?" You glance up and he places a soft kiss on your forehead.

"Yeah.. I love you too, Kento." "I have an idea." "Uh huh?" His smirk has you worried. "Well, we both have the next five days off.." "We do?!"

The excitement in your voice has him chuckling. "There's my pretty laugh. Yes, we do. I'm thinking on your first day back.. you go in with a ring on your finger."

You blink in confusion. "K-Kento, you don't-" "Oh I do. Am I the person to joke about wanting to marry you?" Your eyes start to fill, yet again, with tears. However, these tears make Nanami also tear up a bit.

"Are you... asking..?" "I have a ring just for you in my suit jacket, Y/N. Just say you'll marry me." He isn't really expecting you to jump on him, so when you do, he falls from the couch to the floor. "You know I'll marry you, Ken!"

The two of you share a long kiss, complete with tears and laughter. "Well, now that that's decided. I think we should get a head start on something." "What would that be?"

He stands before securing you in his arms bridal style. "The Prehoneymoon." "That isn't a thing, honey." He smirks before playfully smacking your ass. "For you, Mrs. Nanami, anything is possible."

@katgalle @savonline

[gubler-me-up]

Eye of the Beholder

Request: So u and Spence work together and u haven’t gotten together before. One day, the weekend after a tough case, he comes over to hang out only to find you all puffy and a mess. (Like 3 day old unwashed hair). He realizes why, emotions are revealed, and boom! s m u t

A/N: Thanks for the request, @bi-sub-spence! Not going to lie, this took me a minute to write because I wanted to fit every component in that you requested but had to modify some things to make it flow (had to dim the smut down a bit sorry it’s still a smut tho!!) I hope you enjoy it!

Couple: Spencer Reid/Plus!size fem reader

Category: Smut 

Content warning: Self-degradation, mention of a fire, mention of death, fingering, clit stimulation

Word count: 3.7k

——————–

You packed up your things to get ready to leave the bureau for the weekend. You felt as if the week had been longer than a normal week. It felt as if you had just lived through three weeks back to back with no breaks. On top of the case you and the team wrapped up, it felt as if the whole world was out of your hands.

A lot had been going through your head the week before the case. Usual feelings of doubting your impact on the world. The doubt of having a purpose. The case solidified your doubts of even being on the team anymore.

“Y/N.”

You froze when you heard Spencer call you. You felt your throat go dry and your eyes widened as you got lost in your mind. Everything seemed to play out right in front of you again.

“Y/N,” Spencer yelled.

He grabbed your arm to yank you away from the flames coming from inside the house. You tried to yank your arm away from his hand but he wasn’t letting you go. You needed to go back in there to save him. It was your fault he ended up trapped in there in the first place. You should’ve been in there with him.

You tried to yank away from his grasp again but he didn’t give you another chance of trying to get away from him. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you back. You were pretty sure he could feel you shaking to your core as manic tears started running down your face and the sound of despair left your mouth.

“Y/N, stop. We can’t do anything,” he said.

“Y/N,” Spencer called again.

You broke out of your train of thought as you turned your head to look behind you. He stood a few inches away from you and the concern plastered on his face wasn’t hard to miss. It was hard to think he would look that concerned if he didn’t already know what you were in deep thought about.

You grabbed your bag and placed it over your shoulder. You flashed a quick smile to show him you were fine. You didn’t fool either of you. You could see in his eyes he had this unwavering sympathy that you wanted to run away from. You didn’t want any more sympathy. You wanted to lay in your bed and forget about your life.

“Are we still on for this weekend?” He asked.

You raised a questionable eyebrow. “On for?”

“Remember? I was going to go over to your place, so we could watch some movies and order pizza,” he said.

“Oh, yeah, about that. I think we should postpone until next weekend,” you said.

You could see the instant disappointment and further concern all mix on his face. He reached out his hand to grab onto your upper arm. He gently rubbed it to send some reassurance your way. On any other day, you would have been giddy if he even reached out in an attempt to touch you but his touch only reminded you of him holding you back from the fire.

“Y/N, we can talk about what happened. You don’t have to go through this alone,” he said.

You flashed a smile. “Thanks but I just need some sleep. I’ll talk to you on Monday.”

Before he could get another word in, you yanked your arm away from his touch and walked past him. You rushed out of the bullpen before he could try to stop you because you knew he will. It’s not as if you blamed him for holding you back from saving a life. In fact, you blamed yourself a great deal for putting someone’s life in danger through your missteps. Going back in the fire was the least you could do to amend for what you did.

When you unlocked your apartment door, you didn’t feel your usual sense of relief of being home. After a long case away, you would have been giddy to be back in your bed. However, you still felt torn inside. You couldn’t get the fire away from your sight. The smell of smoke still filling your lungs. The last bit of chance saving Michael when you saw him close the door.

You walked in and closed the door behind you. You dropped your bag at the door as it was becoming too heavy. Not because it was packed heavily, you actually packed it quite light. You just couldn’t find the strength to hold anything anymore. You barely even had the strength to stand as you felt your knees shaking.

You could feel your whole body shake the more you walked towards your room. You wanted to crawl into your bed immediately and forget about your week. It would be even better if you could forget about your whole existence as well.

You opened your bedroom door to be greeted by the mess of your room. Clothes on the floor, cups half-filled covered your nightstand, your bed unmade. It would stay like that until you found the energy to sort it out. The way you felt like not moving for an eternity, you guessed it would have to wait that long to get done as well.

You passed by your huge standing mirror in your room. You stopped and looked at yourself. You scanned your body from head to toe and back up. You knew if you weren’t horridly overweight you could have ran faster to grab Michael in time.

You pinched the skin on your side. You kept pinching it harder and harder and harder until it became numb pain. You watched yourself in the mirror. You looked like an absolute wreck.

You stopped pinching your side and moved your hand’s attention to your face. You caressed over the scars of imperfections past covering your face. You tilted your face up to reveal even more of them covering your neck and chest.

You were disgusted by yourself. Of course Michael wouldn’t trust you. You looked like his enemy. You would run into a ticking time bomb as well.

You could hear your phone ringing from within your bag. You couldn’t find the strength to move away from the mirror to answer it. It felt as if your brain couldn’t think of anyone wanting to contact you after figuring out who you truly were: a monster. You let it ring.

And let it ring and ring again. You just let it ring as you stared at yourself until your eyes felt as if they were going black with only the imagery of flames being the constant flash of light in the darkness. You could feel the smoke in your lungs. You wanted to scream out for Michael but you couldn’t make a peep. You just stood there, useless.

Your phone was still ringing but there was a faint knocking coming from afar. You groaned as you opened your eyes. You didn’t even remember getting into bed but you were glad you were laying down. You couldn’t even fathom getting up. The noise around you, however, was making it difficult for you to fall back asleep.

You couldn’t think of what all the noise was for. You were starting to think it was all in your head. You couldn’t think of one person who would be calling you nonstop, let alone someone visiting you. You closed your eyes to try to shut out the noise and to go back to forgetting about your existence.

“Y/N.”

Your eyes shot open when you heard the faint sound of your voice being called. The voice sounded familiar but you decided to not decipher it. If you ignored them for long enough, they would probably go away. However, they kept calling and calling and calling your name. Your phone was also still ringing and if you could guess, whoever was calling your phone was also calling your name.

“Y/N.”

You slowly got up from your bed to go towards your front door. You had a feeling the voice behind the door was the only person you knew who would come to check on you.

You stood at your door and peeped through the peephole to see Spencer standing there, knocking and calling out your name. You couldn’t see his expression clearly but from the sound of his voice you could tell just how much concern he had for your wellbeing.

You would open the door to show him you were fine but he would see right through it. Your hair hadn’t been washed in a while, you were still in your work clothes and who knows what your face looked like with all the smudged makeup you had failed to take off. You would look like the monster you knew you were all along.

“Y/N, if you can hear me, can you please let me know you’re okay? I’ve tried to call you all weekend but you haven’t been answering. I just need to know you’re okay,” he said.

You sighed as you unlocked your front door but made sure the chain was still intact. You didn’t want him to see the whole of you. Just enough so he knew you were breathing.

As you opened the door, you saw his face immediately relax in relief as he saw half your face peeking at him. He looked at his phone and immediately hung up whoever he was calling. When he did, your phone stopped ringing as well, as you had expected.

“I’m okay,” you said.

“You haven’t responded to anyone’s calls or texts for almost three days. I-well, we were all worried,” he said.

“I’ve just been taking some time for myself. Nothing to worry about,” you said.

“If that’s the case, may I come in? I brought some movies and popcorn, so we can hang out and hopefully make you feel better about our last case,” he said.

As soon as he said that, you could feel your mouth go dry. The cloud of smoke came over your vision and the heaviness filled your lungs. It was almost too hard to stand. You could only shake your head as you tried to close the door. He stopped you by shoving his foot in-between the door, so you couldn’t lock him out.

You looked at his foot blocking your escape. You wanted to slam the door in his face and run back into your bed. You didn’t even know why you got out in the first place. Now he wasn’t going to let you go so easily.

“Y/N, can you please let me in?” He begged.

“Spence, I think it’s best I don’t,” you said.

“Why’s that?” He asked.

“Because…” you started as tears flowed down your face.

There was a moment of silence between you two as he waited for you to continue. You were having trouble piecing together why you didn’t want to let him in. You were a mess, you were worthless, you were hideous. You couldn’t let him come any closer to you.

Then you felt his hand cup your face as his thumb gently wiped away a tear. You didn’t want to look up at him to see any more of you. Not the tears, not the scars, not the smudged makeup. You didn’t want him to see you for who you really were.

“I’m not going to let someone I love suffer in silence like this,” he said.

You immediately looked up as soon as he said the word ‘love.’ You had to look at him to see if you had imagined those words leaving his mouth. As soon as your eyes met his, you knew he meant what he had said. His eyes were filled with concern and care you hadn’t seen anyone have for you in years.

You sighed as you unhooked the chain on your door to fully open it. He removed his hand from your face as he shuffled his way inside of your apartment. He didn’t take your eyes off of you the whole time as you closed the door. It made you self-conscious. He could see how awful you looked. The raw you. How you felt on the inside.

He looked at you with no distaste though. He gave you a gracious smile, almost sympathetic. You wanted to hide away from his gaze. Even though he was smiling at you, you felt as if he was judging every part of you.

He probably wondered why you were still in your work clothes from Friday or why your makeup was still on. Your hair was tangled and unwashed. You wondered if he could tell. You started to sweat from being nervous of him possibly thinking you smell since you hadn’t showered in almost three full days.

“It’s okay to ask for help sometimes,” he said as he dropped his bag.

“What?” You asked.

“Have you had a relaxing bath in a while? That's what I do when I’m feeling down,” he said.

“You said you couldn’t let someone you love suffer. I’m just happy you stopped by to say that. You don’t have to do anything else,” you insisted.

He shook his head. “I want to. I feel terrible for not going home with you on Friday to make sure you were okay. The look you had on Friday left me feeling…guilty.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “Guilty?”

“I should have tried better to let you know that nothing was your fault about the case. I know how hard you take things and it hurts knowing you get down on yourself. I just want to hold you close to let you know everything’s okay,” he admitted.

You let out a long sigh after digesting everything he said. It  didn’t fully erase the pain or depression you were feeling towards yourself or the case but you loved the fact he was trying. You could hear how genuine he was about wanting to be there for you.

You formed a small smile. “This job is haunting. It doesn’t help that tough cases weigh heavy on me and I start questioning myself even more than I already do.”

“You shouldn’t do that. You’re a great profiler, a great person, and most importantly, you’re you. You should love everything about you as much as I do,” he said.

You paused before you said anything again. That was the second time he had said he loved you. At first you didn’t think much of it but now you were considering he was trying to tell you something. You stared at him intently to see if he looked as if he loved you. If you were as great of a profiler as he said, you could tell.

“How much do you love me?” You asked, softly.

“I love you enough to start a hot bath for you and we’ll go from there,” he suggested with a shrug.

“I’d like that a lot,” you sniffled.

Spencer had his back towards you as you took off your clothes to hop in the hot bubble bath he had prepared for you. Even having him so close to you made you nervous. What if he could somehow see your rolls or stretch marks on your thighs? Would he take back everything he said before if he saw how low your breasts sagged without a bra?

You could feel the cloud come back over you as you hopped into the tub. Even though his words made you feel alive inside, you couldn’t shake the awful thoughts about yourself fully. It was not knowing how he’d react to you once he saw your naked body. If he saw your naked body.

You looked at him to see his back still turned as he leaned against the doorframe. You splashed some water on your face to remove your makeup residue, so you were completely you. You could feel your hands shake.

“Are you in the tub?” He asked.

“Yup,” you said.

“Would you like anything? I can get you something to drink or even a snack,” he said.

“No thank you,” you said.

“Okay, I’ll leave you to relax. I’ll just be out in your living room,” he said.

“Wait,” you said.

You paused before you continued. You didn’t know if you wanted to say what you wanted to anymore. You sighed as you were about to tell him ‘nevermind.’

“Can you stay here with me? Like, sit next to me,” you asked.

He slowly turned around to look at you. Your heart stopped as he examined you with wide, curious eyes. He smiled as he walked into the bathroom and sat on the toilet right next to the bathtub as you requested. He was blushing as he tried not to peek at the body parts not covered by the millions of bubbles.

You tried to cover yourself up with as many bubbles as possible. You couldn’t even imagine what he was thinking. He probably saw you for your real size and real scars and hated it. He was just too polite to say anything about it. You started to think it was a horrible idea inviting him to be with you while you bathed three days of filth away.

“You really love bubbles,” he commented.

“Yeah,” you whispered.

He looked at you concerned. “Is there something wrong? Is the water too hot? Do I make you uncomfortable? If I’m staring a lot, I don’t mean to it’s just that-”

“You think I’m hideous,” you said.

He violently shook his head as he looked repulsed by you even uttering those words. He gently grabbed your hand from the depths of the hot water to hold it in his. He squeezed it tight and held it close to him as he gave you that same genuine look from when you opened the door.

“Y/N, I know learning to love yourself takes time but I want you to know that I love everything about you. You’re the most gorgeous woman to me, inside and out. I’ll be here every step of the way to help you realize that,” he said.

You could feel the tears flow down his face as you listened to him. Some of the words he said were finally sticking to your brain as you started to accept his feelings. It meant the world to you he was there for you with such love and generosity in his heart.

“I love you, Spence,” you said.

He smiled. “I love you too. Is there anything else you need me to do for you?”

He used his free hand to wipe your tears as you thought about what you really wanted his hands to do. You wanted him to feel the real you. If he loved you for you, would he be willing to touch you in more ways than just your hands?

“It’s a weird request and don’t feel obligated to,” you said.

“I’d do anything for you. All you gotta do is ask,” he said.

“Can you make me feel…feel…” you said as you tried to put it into words.

He used his free hand to caress your neck up and down. You smiled at his gentle touch as he understood your drift without you needing to explain yourself further.

“Would you like me to go lower?” He asked.

You nodded. “Yes, please.”

He smiled as his face turned visibly red. He caressed his hand down your neck to your chest. You watched as his eyes focused on your breasts as he gently cupped one in your hand and gently massaged your nipple. You softly moaned.

“Am I doing good?” He asked.

“Very,” you moaned.

He smiled. “Would you like me to go lower?”

You nodded and he didn’t hesitate to obey. You watched as his hands caressed down your stomach. You held your breath as nerves took you over as he touched your stomach. You were sure he’d say something about your rolls but he seemed laser-focused on pleasuring you. Good thing his sleeves were already rolled up.

His hand reached your clit and you moaned as you felt him carefully rubbing it. You clenched your hand tighter in his as you tried to steady your breathing. You couldn’t imagine the last time you felt so excited inside. It was as if something inside of you was coming alive.

“Do you want me to go faster?” He asked.

“Yes,” you moaned.

He did just as you wanted. He circled your clit over and over again until you were practically moaning his name unprovoked. He yanked your hand towards him to move you closer to him. He embraced you in a kiss as soon as he snuck two fingers into you.

You aggressively moaned in his mouth as his fingers curled in you. He gently rubbed your g-spot as his thumb still worked vigorously on your clit. You could barely keep your composure as he made you feel things you couldn’t put into sensible words.

“Oh my God, Spence,” you moaned.

He kissed you again. “I just want you to feel good. Always.”

You grabbed onto his shirt to pull him close to you. He immediately went back to kissing you, not getting enough of you. He let go of your hand to grab the back of your neck to keep you in place. He engulfed every moan you let out as his fingers worked you.

They worked you so much, your legs were shaking in the water. You could make waves from how much they were trembling. This tingling came over your body and your breathing became unstable to the point you thought you weren’t even in the moment anymore. You were somewhere else completely experiencing heaven.

You broke away from his mouth as you let out a breathless moan. You felt the electrifying feeling of an orgasm go through your body. You hadn’t felt something so intense in years. Once it passed, you looked Spencer in his eyes. He stared at you with a joyous smile on his face as he pulled his fingers out of you.

“You look at peace,” he said.

“Because I kind of am. You’ve made me feel things I haven’t felt in awhile,” you said.

“I’m glad I could make you feel that way. I hope this is a start in making you feel happier and happier today,” he said.

“I think we’re off to a good start to making that happen. Maybe the next steps would be some needed help with cleaning my room," you said.

He smiled and nodded. “Anything for you.”

—–

MASTERLIST

Tagged: @shadyladyperfection @slutforthegubes @pinkdiamond1016 @spencerreidsthings @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto @slutforsr @bxtchboy69 @fallinallinmendes @haihappen5 @mgg-theprettiestboy @siltuz-png @ptrs-prkrs @agentadhd @fanofalltheficsx @alexmarie29 @closetedreidstan @mac99martin @dinsprettygirl @multixfandomwriter @reidbuck @corishirogane3 @thegoddamncrazycatlady @pastelbabygirl19 @shadybagelsludgecolor @bootycrackraisinjuice @vintagebeauty1496 @laneybobeczko-g @littlewierdalien @cynbx @calm-and-doctor @muffin-cup @jessalyn-jpeg @princesssmooshie @solitarypeachh @spensual​ @gubler-me-swallow-me @reidsbookclub @isabellasimps @doctorspenceryeet

[qqueenofhades]

did you watch lucifer season six and what are your thoughts pls and ty

Ahaha. Yes. Yes I did watch it. Then I cried for a literal hour and attempted to compose myself, only to start crying again when I lay down and kept on thinking about it. Then I had more feelings. Then I slept like the dead due to emotional trauma. Then I reblogged gifsets and had More feelings. Then @buffaluff and @flynnanimal watched it and also required emotional support due to drowning in their own tears. So, uh... we're all fine here now. How are you?

My main takeaway from the final season was the sheer amount of love for the characters, story, and fans that you could feel shining through all the episodes, and which made SUCH a refreshing change. I had feelings in my tags the other day about how a show about the devil was constantly goofy, hopeful, loving, and uplifting, rather than all the grimdark nonsense they could have easily done with it. (As I said, just imagine it as written by the GOT idiots?? NO THANK YOU.) The writing really loved everyone and wanted to give them a proper ending and emotional journey, and it wanted to show the fans that they weren't stupid for having invested six seasons of effort and emotion into this, and just... that is so much rarer than it should be? Compare all the movies and TV shows that treat their fans like the enemy, that want to outsmart them at all costs even if it means changing major plot elements, that ferociously guard spoilers and think that "shock value" means good writing, by throwing hackneyed cliche upon cliche and making everything Depressing, and just... Lucifer had its hiccups and slow points and missteps, of course, but I am SO glad they didn't do that. The entire show consisted of Lucifer slowly but steadily progressing toward being a better man, despite mistakes and setbacks and sometimes a little too much will-they-won't-they. (Season 3 was the only one where I got bored and skipped over the filler episodes with Pierce/Lucifer/Chloe in order to get to the end).

That is an essentially simple premise, but they stuck to it, and they didn't try to create more drama by randomly wrecking what they had already established. I wrote a fic all the way back in mid-season 2 (In Nomine Patris) that ended up predicting quite a few of the future characters who had not yet appeared on the show at that time, including Eve, Michael, and Azrael, and several plot points, including the very major one of Lucifer returning to hell for the sake of his daughter with Chloe. And while this might mean that I am just that good at guessing TV shows (I would like to think this....) it also means that the writers set expectations, followed through on those expectations, and didn't suddenly derail everything or turn it totally on its head just for the sake of cheap shocks. As we can all attest, they certainly caused PLENTY of drama, anguish, pain, and suffering, but they did it in a way that remained faithful to the overall premises of the story and the characters, and wanted to see them become the best versions of themselves. I cried my eyes out at the end and then thought, "hey, I might want to watch the whole series again," which, if you ask me, is the mark of doing your job right. There have been so few TV endings recently where I didn't immediately swear off the whole thing or have to pretend that canon didn't exist, so yeah.

As I said, it was just refreshing to watch something that had that essential deep generosity at its core, where the message is that everyone is worthy of love if they make the hard and painful effort to change and become better, and that even if earthly things feel small next to all this messy celestial drama, they still matter, and that you are loved no matter what. I loved that Amenadiel became God and Lucifer returned to hell as a choice in order to help all the trapped souls be able to work through their guilt and go to heaven. There were obviously certain echoes of The Good Place in that ending; I don't know if it was something they had planned all along or if the success of TGP, another series asking deep questions about life, death, morality, and human nature within the framework of a goofy heaven-and-hell sitcom, influenced it, but either way, it worked so well. Even if it tore my heart out and stomped on it on the ground, it was fitting and oh so lovely to see Lucifer, once the most selfish being in the entire universe, following in Linda's footsteps and becoming selflessly dedicated to helping other people. Just. Chef's kiss.

And of course, Deckerstar. The Hades and Persephone vibes were IMMACULATE this season, and while it did take Lucifer and Chloe the best part of four seasons to get together, they never significantly backslid, never had third-party issues or cheap cheating storylines once they were officially a couple, and Tom Ellis and Lauren German REALLY killed it this season in particular. It was never easy for them and sometimes the drama went on a little too long over the course of said six seasons, but the love story was beautiful and incredibly meaningful and always true to the fact that the actors and characters and writers (not to mention the fans) all loved it so much. They were so much the emotional heart of this, and when they went to hell together in episode 6x03 (where they turned into cartoons because wHAT even IS this show), Joe Henderson said in an interview that this was to give the fans a view into Lucifer and Chloe's future (after) lives post-6x10, and to offer them a basis to write fanfiction. I mean... the showrunner saying to the fans "here, we love you, have something to write fic about!" is likewise pretty shockingly rare. It's again an example of how this show always audaciously poked fun at itself, never took itself TOO seriously, and was always welcoming its fans and the people who loved it to do so, rather than making them feel stupid or taking joy in wrecking beloved characters or plots.

Obviously, I loved Rory, the badass lesbian half-angel goth Deckerstar child straight out of My Immortal (seriously, she was SO edgy, it was amazing), because of the fact that Lucifer's entire arc was always about feeling abandoned by his father and that he was going to have to face it for himself. Dorky Devil Dad Lucifer trying his absolute HARDEST to bond with his daughter was simultaneously hilarious, adorable, and heart-wrenching, and yet again, the Growth. We all remember when he could barely tolerate Trixie touching him, and now we're here. Also, any variation whatsoever of "this is just a brief moment of time that we must be apart, love is eternal and stronger than death and we will never really leave each other" as a line is guaranteed to make me bawl my eyes out. So that was fun.

I got a big kick out of Ghost Dan running around and trying to get everyone to see him, and had feelings about seeing him in heaven with Charlotte and his beloved Pudding Pops at the end. I had feelings about how they handled Ella finding out the truth (or rather demanding to know why nobody had told her) and of course, I obviously loved Maze and Eve and their goth/femme wedding and the fact that they got a good three-season romantic arc (indeed, I wanted more of them). My god, Trixie is SO BIG, she used to be a tiny little nugget. I love that Linda was the moral and emotional rock all along, from the first episode to the very last, and that Amenadiel was Deeply Vindicated when Charlie's wings appeared at his first birthday party. I love how Lucifer in s6 is absolute thousands of light years from Lucifer in s1. And as ever, Chloe was Perfect. I am happy that I spent six seasons with these characters and saw them become better, and that I was never made to feel like an idiot for trusting the writers to end everything in a beautiful and emotional way. Because, well. They did. Sure, maybe I could go back and pick at a plotline here or a detail there, but I don't terribly feel the need to do so? It might not have been perfect, but it was perfect, and I am so grateful that it existed.

[mxgilray]

Loki Season 1 Thoughts

Overall, I really liked this series. It has some issues without question, but I sincerely don't think it's the dumpster fire so many viewers on this site treat it as. Did it go how I expected? Not at all? Did I enjoy the heck out of it and look forward to it every Wednesday? Hell yeah!

Loki's Good Guy Personality

A big complaint many have had with it is how much Loki's demeanor has changed and how his emotional growth feels rushed or his personality is ooc. Truth is, he saw his entire future, saw what his angry, power hungry, I-work-alone persona would get him in the end, and it snapped him back to reality. He has always been shown to be quite emotional and craving attention and lacking in self assurance, it's just in the past movies he's masked it with violence and fake narcissism, and he's always been a secondary character so his perspective is rarely shown. But if you really pay attention it's obvious he isn't truly villainous; we all know that, it's largely why he has such a huge fan base.

Right after meeting Mobius, Loki got an infodump of his future, saw his parents both die, found out that free will means jack shit, and learned he's absolutely powerless in this realm. On top of that, this is 2012 Loki, fresh off of being under Thanos' control, suddenly being shown that the guy who controlled him is going to end up killing him. Frankly,, I think it all broke Loki. He was too shook up by it all and by the sheer helplessness he found himself in at the TVA that he let all his barriers down momentarily. Just long enough for him to open up to Mobius about his motivation and his lack of self confidence. And you know what I bet? Loki felt relieved after talking to Mobius. A weight was lifted, because he bore his heart to someone and wasn't rejected or laughed at or treated like a psycho. And after letting his walls down fully, Loki didn't feel the need to put all of them back up. He stayed guarded around other people, but he didn't need to pretend around Mobius. Mobius has seen under the mask, so Loki doesn't feel pressure to perform as an all knowing, all powerful God around Mobius. That freedom is life changing.

People who gravitate towards broken, pseudo-villain characters do so because we relate to their internal conflict, their mental illness, their need to fake it around everyone close to them. Their turmoil and depression and self destructive behavior are familiar and we see ourselves reflected in their actions. Now, when a person really truly let's their guard down, drops all their layers of facade, and embraces themself, they tend to change demeanor and even personality pretty drastically. It's jarring in real life, so of course when it happens to a fictional character who you usually relate to it is going to be jarring, maybe even more so because it feels like a change you yourself would never go through. I know this sounds bad and people might get at me for it, but...

I believe the issue here is that a large part of Loki's fan base doesn't want him to get better. They don't want him to move past his mental illness, to learn how to cope with anger and disappointment in healthier ways, to be happy. They like his damaged persona, they like the internal conflict. Maybe it's because they're still at that low place themself and feel like a relatable character is getting taken away from them, maybe it's because they don't understand how much being at peace with yourself can alter a person and to them it feels like he's been changed too much. To those of us mostly on the up and up from battling depression and mental illness, it's comforting to see Loki getting a chance to be genuinely happy and accepting of himself.

Sylki and Lokius

First things first, I'm not anti anything. Ship what you want, idc. Personally, I do not see the Sylki dynamic as romantic, but I get why people read it that way. I thought the series did a good job of showing unrequited love, namely Loki falling for Sylvie and Sylvie feeling zero romance towards him. This was aware of his attraction and in the end used it as a distraction so she could get the upper hand. The show played up the potential romance because we are viewing things from Loki's perspective and he's become smitten as a kitten. I do think in the long run they'll have a more sibling-like dynamic, one Loki realizes that you can feel extreme love and care for a person without it being romantic. I enjoyed how the show explored their relationship, though I do wish they hadn't had every character under the sun mention their moment on Lamentis-1 like it was some big deal to bond with someone you're about to die with.

I'm bitter towards the development of Lokius. It had a strong start in the beginning, and in ep 5 had some potential reignited, but then they had Mobius not know who Loki is at the end. I'm still hoping they're playing the long game with this ship and that it'll come to fruition partway through season 2. The chemistry is there, and Mobius knows Loki very intimately and isn't put off by his past. Loki also feels much more at ease around Mobius than he does around Sylvie. It's the comfort of a deep loving bond with Mobius verses the nervousness of a new crush that he feels for Sylvie.

I don't think Loki is quite aware of his feelings for Mobius, simply because it's based in friendship and mutual respect and isn't a hot and heavy lust. Plus, as soon as he was away from Mobius he was thrown into a near death experience with Sylvie and developed a surface crush during their heart to heart. Since Loki's still figuring out what genuine feelings are beyond anger and sadness, he sees the simplistic crush he has on Sylvie as love and the intimate bond he's been forming with Mobius as friendship. He doesn't understand his own feelings yet, but I think he'll figure it out next season. I mean, he was probably already rethinking his feelings for her after she kissed and betrayed him, mentally kicking himself for expecting her to not pull a Loki betrayal like he would've in the past.

The Time Variance Authority

I really like the concept of the TVA, the structure of it, the methods they use, the deeply fucked way they recruit employees, the cult like motto, shady Miss Minutes who is definitely playing her own long game, and the blind acceptance TVA agents have of the Time Keepers' will. It's all very well done... until your dig into the core, aka He Who Remains. They built up the idea that the Time Keepers created the TVA to prevent a multiverse war and that they created agents to enforce their will. Then the creating agents turned out to be fake, the Time Keepers were fake, I expected the reason for the TVA's existence to be fake to. It felt too simple to have it genuinely exist just to keep the multiverse in check. Why the anonymity, unless it's to keep from having agents target and prune versions of himself which.. songs like a decent solution. HWR made it sound as though the multiverse war was just a bunch of versions of himself screwing shit up, so why isn't the TVA's focus on eradicating every other variant of this guy? Sounds a lot easier and nicer than fucking with the free will of every other living being. So either Marvel made a bad call when choosing what HWR's motive was for creating the TVA, or he was lying about it all to cover up something sinister.

Overall Storyline

I'm fairly happy with the plot as a whole. There were some pacing issues and I think a few missed chances for deeper conversations between various characters. While I enjoyed the Loki variants, I honestly would've been happier seeing Tom playing most the variants (except Kid Loki and Classic Loki since they are clearly different age ranges). If there is supposed to be one sacred timeline, it seems off to me that Lokis would be allowed to vary so extremely without it causing a nexus event(an alligator, whose nexus wasn't that he's an animal who obviously can't do any magic much less command Thanos' army, but that he ate someone's cat) and not just in appearance but in life path (ie boastful Loki collected all the infinity stones but it wasn't till he had 6 that he caused a nexus event even though him gaining control of the Soul, Power, and Time stones should've each caused nexus events since on the sacred timeline he never interacts with those 3 and taking any one of them would've fucked up a lot of other timeline parts)

I love the display of Lokis raw power, and 2012 Loki coming to the realization that he's way more powerful than he ever thought. And it wasn't just Classic Loki who spent thousands of years alone honing his skills, 2012 Loki reversed time on a goddamn falling building! I also liked the small magic, the fireworks, the tablecloth blanket, Loki yanking Sylvie away from HWR with just magic.

As someone who is both bisexual and genderfluid, I would've really loved more concrete representation. The comment about there never being another female Loki hit me in the gut; it undermined the Easter egg "Sex: Fluid" on Loki's TVA file. With how big a deal Sylvie being female was made out to be throughout the season, I expected her gender to play a key role in taking down the head of the TVA, like it was foretold that only a female Loki could end it all or some shit.

I don't mind the idea of Loki finding love in a straight passing relationship. I don't even mind the selfcest all that much. It just feels so obvious to me that Sylvie is written as not having any romantic inclination towards Loki, while Mobius is clearly written as falling in love with someone he shouldn't and trying to maintain an heir of professionalism to keep from wrecking his bond with Loki. I really really hope they come through on season 2 and give Lokius the canon relationship and proper representation they deserve.

Mmkay I thinks that's all the thoughts I've got right now. If you've been feeling cheated or clowned by how things went this season, maybe my perspective of things can help ease your pain.

[heavencollins]

Top 10 Films of 2020: Part One

2020 was a rough year for a lot of reasons, but even more rough due to the lack of an existent film industry for over half of the year.  Sure, there are small productions happening and movies being released on VOD, as well as some in theatres, but so many great films were pushed back this year—movies I was excited to possibly have on my top ten.  Minari, Promising Young Woman, Zola, The Green Knight, Saint Maud.�� Okay most of those are A24 releases but A24 literally released next to none of their slate for this year and it’s one of the most disappointing things to happen in the entertainment industry in my opinion.  

Alas, I still found cinema through streaming, paying $20 for a VOD rental, and those amazing $1.80 rentals from Redbox (remember when they were only a dollar?  because I do).  And honestly?  It was probably the hardest time curating a top ten that I’ve had in a long time; with so much just available through the internet and owning every single popular streaming service, it was both impossible to watch everything I wanted but also since I watched a lot of what i wanted, I ended up loving most of it.  For a year that was so dismal in every other way possible, the films that were released ended up being a shining light more often than not.  Of course, like every other year, a lot of hot garbage came out too, but that isn’t the focus of this—the great, amazing, can’t believe these are real films.  

So let’s start from number ten.  This was my first and only $20 rental this year, starring a man who I personally admire: Pete Davidson.  

10. The King Of Staten Island, directed by Judd Apatow and written by Judd Apatow, Pete Davidson, and Dave Sirus.  

Judd Apatow is one of the first directors who I watched religiously, and hearing that he was doing a film with Pete Davidson that was essentially based on Davidson’s life meant that I knew I’d have to watch it.  Scott, played by Davidson, is a twenty-something with no direct path in life; he lives with his mother, his sister is going off to college—something he never attempted—and he has no real career.  His father died in a large building structure fire, much like Davidson’s actual father, a firefighter who passed away while responding to the twin towers during 9/11.  Scott is emotionally a wreck, plagued with depression and anxiety, a chronic weed smoker, and dreams of being a tattoo artist that he practices by tattooing his group of rag-tag friends, but none of the tattoos are very great.  

The thing about an Apatow film is they border the line between comedy and drama very well, kind of a complicated little dance.  But, King of Staten Island is very much a drama more than a comedy.  Bill Burr plays Ray, the father of a kid that Scott tattoos earlier on in the film.  Ray comes stomping up to Scott’s mother’s house, and Margie, played by Marissa Tomei, opens the door.  It’s essentially love at first sight.  She hasn’t dated since Scott’s father passed, and to make matters worse, Ray is also a firefighter.  This complicates emotions for Scott, as he loves his mother but also doesn’t know how to deal with the feeling that his mother is finally moving on and may face heartbreak again.  

Davidson puts it all on the table in this film.  It’s poignant and realistic; at the start, Scott is driving down the highway and closes his eyes, way longer than you should.  It sets the tone from the start that this man isn’t okay, but also he’s scared of dying because as soon as he opens his eyes again and sees he may be about to crash, he quickly panics and readjusts his wheel.  This struck a chord with me as most people know that Davidson has struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past.  It’s a beautiful film that memorializes both how much Davidson’s father meant to him, but also the cycles of grief and trauma that last throughout your life.  

9: Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn), directed by Cathy Yan and written by Christina Hodson.

Suicide Squad is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen period, fact.  Birds of Prey is one of the best movies I’ve ever seen period, fact.  I never, ever, ever thought I’d see a day where a DC movie was in my top ten, but this year anything is possible.  Birds of Prey is a display of feminism, badassery, and all around perfection.  You jump right into the story, hearing Margot Robbie’s classic Harley Quinn voice laid over an animation showing what we missed in her life so far, which means you don’t have to have any previous knowledge of the other films.  Birds of Prey is meant to stand alone from any other movie preceding this one, and that’s just part of why it’s so great.

This film knows not to take itself too seriously.  Margot Robbie is a dream as Harley Quinn, using just the right amount of playfulness to put a little edge on her, while also maintaining the manic-panic-pixie-dream-girl effect.  Perhaps the best scene is when Harley goes and purchases the perfect egg breakfast sandwich, and then she drops it, causing a dramatic slow motion effect that proves she really does love that sandwich more than anything in the world.  Or her realistic apartment, nothing truly fancy, just a little hole in the wall above a rundown Chinese restaurant.  But then she has an amazing ensemble of other women actors around her, which are what really uplift her performance. 

The funhouse fight scene at the end may be the best in superhero movie history.  I mean, I guess, is Harley Quinn really a superhero?  She’s kind of the anti-hero, which is what makes her so great.  She’s somebody who isn’t even close to perfect but she still succeeds and tries to help and uplift the other women on her team.  There’s just something special about this movie that made me smile and laugh the entire time.  It’s a reminder that it’s okay to have fun every once in a while.  

8: The Assistant, directed and written by Kitty Green.

For those who don’t know, I work as an assistant during the day for a small business here in Vermont.  The work is mundane but it’s a job that’s giving me experience for the future.  In The Assistant, Jane, played by Julia Garner, is an assistant to a “powerful entertainment mogul.”  She gets lunch, answers phones, is the first one into the office, the last one out of the office, finds herself overshadowed by her male counterparts and getting the majority of the “grunt” work, and becomes more and more aware of what’s really going on at this office throughout a day in her life.  

What’s interesting about this film is nothing is ever seen; everything Jane starts to feel is just based on intuition.  Her boss is tricky, finding ways to keep his abuse of women out of the public eye, out of the eye of any female employees.  This is obviously in response to #MeToo, Times Up, and the Harvey Weinstein news from the last few years, and it works surprisingly well as a film that just unnerves you and gets under your skin.  

The reality of assault in the film industry is that until it’s widely public and known, nobody is going to know about it.  You can report it to your company, to other women, to other men, to anybody, and nobody will take you seriously until they either experience it themselves or know somebody else who has.  The Assistant hits the ball out of the park with the ending, even if it doesn’t give a vindictive satisfaction to viewers, because it’s simply the truth of the matter.  

7: Tenet, directed and written by Christopher Nolan.

I really don’t know what to say about this one.  It’s really controversial to like it but I absolutely LOVED this movie, it’s pure fucking vibes.  A lot of people are cinema purists, which I am not, and will never claim to be, which was a huge deal with this film.  Personally, this works way better at home than it ever would in a theater.  It’s slightly long, the sound mixing makes it so it can be hard to hear dialogue over loud noises and the score, and it’s the type of movie you may have to rewind  a few times.  

My partner and I watched this in 4K Ultra HD with subtitles on, and let me tell you, it was amazing.  Everything about the acting, the diversity in the film, the fact that Nolan literally has a character say “Don’t try to understand it, just experience it”???? VIBES.  That’s all I can say about it.  Plus, Elizabeth Debicki plays an actual badass who stands against her abuser and that enough is five stars.  A tall queen standing up against her short joker—absolute feminism.  

Sure, no character gets any development, but is that seriously necessary for every film?  It’s an action flick about time and space and none of it makes sense and you can’t force it to.  Why does everything need to make sense in a time where we are literally living through a pandemic?  Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the experience of Tenet.  It’s more fun when you don’t take it seriously.  

6: The Devil All The Time, directed by Antonio Campos and written by Antonio Campos, Donald Ray Pollock, and Paulo Campos.

I never read the book this was based on, but this film made me want to.  I love a film where multiple plot lines converge into one central story and this one did it so well, all with the same theme surrounding every single character: the guilt of sin and how no matter how much you think you can save yourself, you can’t truly save yourself.  I’m not a huge fan of Tom Holland, but he shines as Arvin from beginning to end.  Pattinson brings a creepy southern preacher to life with an accent that he will never be able to match again.  Keough gives a performance you can only sympathize with as you know she’s being manipulated the entire time.  Every character in this is corrupt in their own way but some in worse ways than others.

I don’t know how much to say about this one without spoiling it, either, because the core of this film is on the characters and what leads to their untimely ends, because pretty much everybody ends up dead.  It’s grim and dark but it’s so beautiful and tells the story in a way that keeps you interested throughout the entire run time.  It surprised me but there’s never truly been a Robert Pattinson starring movie that I’ve hated, so am I really surprised?  I’m a TwiHard at heart even at age 22. 

[brooklynislandgirl]

tagged by: my dear @kylo-wrecked​, and thank you <33

last song: Wish You Were Here, NSP cover

currently reading: For once, nothing much. Have packed up a majority of my books and am not buying new ones.  Listening to Battle Surgeons {MedStar I} by Michael Reaves and Steve Perry, which is set during the Clone Wars.

As civil war between the Republic and the Separatists rages across the galaxy, nowhere is the fighting more fierce than on the swamp world of Drongar, where a beleaguered mobile hospital unit wages a never-ending war of its own….

A surgeon who covers his despair with wisecracks; another who faces death and misery head-on, venting his emotions through beautiful music … A nurse with her heart in her work and her eye on a doctor … A Jedi Padawan on a healing mission without her Master … These are the core members of a tiny med unit serving the jungle world of Drongar, where battle is waged over the control of a priceless native plant, and an endless line of medlifters brings in the wounded and dying—mostly clone troopers, but also soldiers of all species.

While the healers work desperately to save lives, others plot secretly to profit from the war—either by dealing on the black market or by manipulating the events of the war itself. In the end, though, all will face individual tests, and only those of compassionate hearts and staunch spirits can hope to survive to fight another day.

last movie: Wonder Woman 1984 aka 3 Years of My Life I Will Never Get Back. I didn’t really hate it...I kind of just ...nothing-ed it. It bored the ever living life out of me.

currently watching: I don’t really watch tv. But I absolutely have nothing to do with Herr Maus, aka Disney. Sometimes I will watch something that directly impacts my rp. Deadwood, NY Cop Shows. It’s a terrible fucking shame that they ended American Gods after two seasons.

currently craving: my sense of sanity to come back as I circle the drain of depression.

coming for: Anyone who would like to, Pirate Up.

[fandomstuff67]

15x20 Thoughts

I’m going to be talking about 15x20 and what I thought about it so if you don’t want to read a long text post then keep on scrolling.

Okay, first things first, I liked it. I didn’t love it, but I liked it. I think it was fitting and I think it worked. Dean always wanted to go out on a hunt, that’s how he wanted to die, he knew he wasn’t going to live to a ripe old age and he was okay with that (I’m not saying we have to be okay with that, I’ll touch upon that in a moment, but Dean was happy with the way he went and I think we should remember that).

I’m glad Sam got a family and the Winchester name is being carried on. I loved that he named his son Dean and I’m going to assume that he was with Eileen because there’s no reason to assume he wasn’t. I just think they couldn’t get Shoshannah back so they used that awkward long shot instead. 

Before I dive into what I think could have been better and what I’ll forever remain mad about, I want to say that we’re allowed to dislike the episode, we’re allowed to feel mad about it and let down but please, please, do not attack the actors. They don’t get the final say in the end and they gave incredible, award winning, performances. So please refrain from directing hate to them and asking them how they could let this happen. And most importantly, on Sunday when Misha and Jared have their panels, please be respectful, they’re going to be emotional and they’re going to be nervous because they’re seeing our reactions, even if they don’t respond, so they know what we’ve thought, and so far all I’ve seen is hate and not one post about it being good. 

We’re also allowed to like the episode, and for those that 100% loved it, remember their feelings are valid, please don’t come at each other’s throats.

Ironically, with that being said, I’m going to talk about what I didn’t like. 

So, first off. Dean’s death shattered me. I don’t think I’ve ever cried that hard, I physically couldn’t breathe. Dean is my favorite character and watching him die like that absolutely wrecked me. 

I’m so torn about this scene, because on one hand, that’s how Dean wanted to go, but on the other hand, that was a shitty way for him to go. Killed by a fucking nail? In a barn? Just no. He deserved so much better. SO.MUCH.BETTER. This is Dean fucking Winchester, he defeated God’s, and devils, and angels, and demons, but this is how he goes? I’m not buying it. And his speech to Sam, while it was beautiful and I loved it and Dean was being so brave and vulnerable and proud of his baby brother, it was a little... off. The head touch was a bit too wincestie for me. That head touch shouldn’t have been there, if they were going to do a head touch like that, it should have been with CAS. 

Speaking of Cas. He should have been in that episode. There is NO EXCUSE. Covid is not a valid reason for his absence. They brought back our Bobby but not Cas? Castiel who has been such an important part of this show for so many years? Cas who confessed his love to Dean and who subsequently died right afterwards? And now, apparently he’s out of the empty and helping Jack with heaven, but we don’t get to SEE him? That is wrong on so many levels. I needed a DeanCas reunion, I needed it so badly. 

I firmly believe that Cas was supposed to be there (we’ll know eventually when the pre-Covid script is released and we learn what the changes were, and if that’s not the case then really, what the fuck? Like actually I’ll be even more mad). I also believe that Ellen, Jo, and Ash were supposed to be there too, in the roadhouse and there was going to be a reunion, John and Mary too, but because of Covid they couldn’t. 

I think it would have been very fitting if CAS was the one who welcomed Dean into heaven (stay tuned I will be writing this fix it fic). I needed Dean to acknowledge his feelings, I needed there to be more of Dean grieving. Don’t get me wrong, the montage in the beginning was amazing and I loved it, but they shouldn’t have been that happy. We know how devastated Dean has been in the past when Cas died, I find it very hard to believe he moved on so quickly, it just seemed so out of character. I needed them to talk more about Cas, about what he said, and what Dean thought about it. But they couldn’t even give us that. They literally buried their gays and dusted off their hands to a job well done and I cannot accept that. I have to ask the point of the love confession if it wasn’t going to be reciprocated? If it wasn’t going to matter in the end? I’m so unbelievably disappointed that they gave us that and nothing else, they didn’t even talk about it, or mention it. Did Sam ever even know what really happened? Cas deserved better. He deserved to be told he was loved, which he never heard, and no matter how many fix it fics we write, that will forever remain true and I hate it. 

Cas. Should. Have. Been. Back. I will forever stand by that. 

Sam’s ending worked. I liked it a lot and I wouldn’t change it. He deserved his happy ending, he deserved to be a father, and I’m so glad he got that.

However, this show is about family and how it doesn’t end in blood, and yet in the end it was all about blood. I’m genuinely so disappointed about that. That was like a slap to the face and I can’t believe that they decided that instead of ending the show by proving, once again, that family don’t end in blood, they decided to go back on everything the show has been about, everything that has been the core of this crazy little show that could for so long. 

They could have done so much better, and they should have done so much better. We deserved better.

So, after all of that, my final thoughts are as follows: 

I liked it. I really did. Were there things that should have been changed? Yes. HELL YES, but I can’t be entirely disappointed about the ending we got because it did fit, and it was beautiful.

The only thing that really would’ve made it better was having Cas there. All they had to do was give us Cas and I’d be happy with the ending. I’d be happy with Dean dying on an old nail in a barn, if we got Cas in heaven with Dean. But we didn’t, so I’ll never be truly happy with the ending, I’ll never be satisfied. But I will take what we got because in the end, this is the show that has brought so many people together, this is the show that’s taught us all valuable lessons, and this is the show that we all love so much it hurts. 

And remember... nothing ever really ends, does it? 

There are doors that were left open for a movie, even if they’re just set slightly ajar, the Winchester brothers, and their fallen angel, can return to us in the future and maybe everything they fucked up will be fixed. But for now... we must carry on.  

[apriki]

RISE OF SKYWALKER

IT HAS BEEN SEEN MY FRIENDS... LET’S GO

IT WAS A LOVE STORY ALL ALONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU. GUYS. I AM SO... ALIVE RIGHT NOW I 

okay that opening scrawl i laughed so hard... THE DEAD SPEAK!!

‘supreme leader kylo ren’ will never not be funny

OKAY OPENING WITH KYLO I SCREAMED.... HIS BEAUTIFUL FACE

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN TO YOU.... HOW MUCH

okay and his ruthless hell bent search for this silly macguffin.... we love a demonic legend

and ALSO his determination to kill the past!!!!!! HE HAS LITERALLY BEEN CIRCLING THIS THE WHOLE SERIES

look, i am biased because kylo is my favourite and he has been the one thing that’s been consistently written and done across this trilogy and i’m very spoiled because i got everything i wanted here

but KYLO REN. KYLO REN!!!!!!!!!!!

laughed my ASS off at the snoke in the tube and palpatine being like ‘surprise bitch.... bet you thought you’d seen the last of me’

laughed decidedly LESS at ‘i’ve been every voice you’ve ever heard in your head’

look this isn’t going to be a review.... just my thoughts really and this decidedly isn’t a comparison with the last jedi which it seems like everyone wants to do in a weird victorious kind of way

but kylo killing snoke/his abuser in tlj was a terrifying powerful moment to watch and i loved it fiercely and still do, and for kylo to see that he hadn’t done that at all.... and that evil still abides.... fucking nightmare, honestly

and that’s when i started getting a feeling in the back of my head because look he is so determined to kill the past

(let the past die)

that he will kill himself as well to do it. that has always been kylo’s character since the very beginning. SO!!!!!

also the structural integrity of palp’s hideaway.... not great

palps: kill rey heh heh

kylo: i am absolutely not gonna do that but okay

omfg when kylo was like ME AND MY KNIGHTS OF REN ARE GOING HUNTING

i cannot explain to you how HILARIOUS the knights of ren are to me

they do nothing! they say nothing! they just stand around and look stupid in their stupid helmets..... i laughed every single time they were on screen

it’s like kylo’s uselessness manifests into what 6? 7 more useless things. the Knights of Ren

‘we’re going hunting’ are you TWELVE YEARS OLD

this film felt like it was going a million miles an hour, all the time, and that started for me in that first scene in the falcon which was going all over the place? for some reason?

anyway THERE’S A MOLE IN THE FIRST ORDER and i know it is hux but i kind of wanted it to be kylo on the side.... though i know he is not capable of any such subterfuge. about as subtle as a wrecking ball... and my SON

loved the comraderie with poe and finn. i liked the lived-in feeling of the relationships between the rebellion characters this time around

felt like they had that new alien dude in the falcon for no reason and for two seconds like... why

(to sell toys, of course. the same reason why they have a new tiny droid)

but that of course is just the first in a long line of new and underdeveloped characters in this movie. but you know what? i can accept this because the core emotional story was strong and also, it’s star wars? a big sprawling mess is what it has always, always been. ANYWHOMST

REY IN THE FOREST LEVITATING!!!!

the white outfit!!! how at one she is with nature??? SORRY IT WAS BEAUTIFUL

and okay the specific framing of rey and rey’s power in this movie as not only a part of the force but so specifically as a woman using the force... like the power of empathy! the power of healing!!! IT WAS BEAUTIFUL WHATEVER

when she called leia her MASTER? MY HEART

THE POWER OF WOMEN!!!

on the flip side, doesn’t it kind of feel like poe has a problem with women?

like as soon as he started riffing with rey i was like GET A JOB STAY AWAY FROM HER

but in hindsight i feel kind of better about them and their interactions... more on that later

FINN! finn in this movie was WONDERFUL

(except it annoyed me how they had the whole ‘there’s something i want to say to you’ and never had him say it... like even if he was going to say he loved rey okay just don’t leave it hanging like that?)

FORCE FUCKING SENSITIVE!!!!!!

look i really think they did they best they could with a really difficult job in incorporating leia and previous footage into this movie. it wouldn’t have felt right without her and the scenes were a bit clunky but again, a very very difficult thing to do

LEIA AND REY’S RELATIONSHIP..... MY HEART HURTS

i love that rey’s storyline has depth and motivation and kylo’s storyline is literally revolving around rey like she’s the sun

like i literally love this. MORE OF THIS!!!

FORCE BOND STILL EXISTSSSSSSSS

KNEW IT CALLED IT CLAIMED IT LOVE IT

the soft gasp rey does whenever kylo is about to show up for forceskype i love this song

the knights of ren standing around while kylo’s helmet got fixed omfg they are the stupidesttttt

kylo: maybe i don’t want to wear the helmet

the knights of ren: maybe shut the fuck up 

Let’s Go To Burning Man

i actually kind of liked seeing these people doing their own cool cultural thing. like again this movie went at lightspeed but i did enjoy that. what’s better than this? just aliens being dudes

when rey talked to that little girl and she asked her last name i was like LOLLLL HERE WE GOOOOOOOO

as soon as lando showed up it was like ‘oh it’s lando’

‘i offered you my hand’

‘I’LL OFFER YOU MY HAND AGAIN’ 

WHY DID HE SAY THIS... LIKE IT WAS A PROPOSAL

I WAS SCREECHING SORRY... WOW.

i have never really found C3PO funny but um he was going off in this movie... when they all looked at him and then he looked away I CACKLED

and the mind wipe like whew man... one day we’re gonna have a conversation about Droids And The Uncomfortable Conclusions About Droids in these movies

but also, i wish they’d had the guts to stick with it and not restore his memory because, what a symbol for the past dying and the end of a saga? like 3PO has been there since the start!! the star wars live in his memory banks ???? and R2 as well i suppose

don’t think too long about this cause then you realise that for some reason they’re still using like 80 year old iphones and R2 and 3PO should be decommissioned for scraps

WHEN HE TOOK THE NECKLACE OFF HER I FOUND IT HOT I FOUND IT SEXY I FOUND IT UMMMM

the sand was a cool visual thing but then THE SNAKE

it felt so GREEK HERO MYTH but then rey stops the script!!

AND DOESN’T FIGHT IT

AND SHE HEALS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

as soon as rey healed that snake i was like

‘kylo ren is that snake’

blah blah dagger blah

the sith language and being forbidden actually interests me. i want more proper sith lore

basically i want a revan and bastila movie. make it so

keri russell was WASTED in this movie

but that one scene with her and rey where they had Mutual Respect was so much better and more important than anything she did with poe

poe is like... sure i guess. i mean i liked him better in this movie than tlj and i liked him more as the movie when on but hmmst 

but hey if i get to have a kylo then the poe people can have i poe. i begrudge no one

except, uh.... hux people. y’all really got done this movie huh. ouch

double as bad cause there was literally no point to the new general character. should have just been hux and then had him die in the final battle?

but i laughed when he was like ‘i don’t want you to WIN. i want kylo to LOSE’

THAT’S KING PETTY 

omfg when kylo was like ‘where are you’ and then saw the vader mask and was like ‘oh you’re in my room’

SCREECHED

KYLO’S EVIL BOARD MEETING

LAUGHED MY ASS OFF

WHEN HE SMACKED THAT DUDE TO THE ROOF

sorry the first order is a startup. not even an ‘evil’ one especially because they’re all just a bit evil 

when kylo reacted to that guy saying ‘we should take more children’ and the small thread winding through this movie about children being indoctrinated and rey and ben stopping THAT cycle.. important to me and i wish it had been bigger but i was glad it was there 

all kylo did in the first half of this movie was chase after his girlfriend and tell her how they were meant to be together and that he wasn’t going to kill her even though he should. i love one stupid man

kylo flying his ship at rey deliberately wanting to ‘push her’ and her jumping over it and crashing the whole damn thing

and then him just getting up and walking out of the wreck not a scratch on him

like some kind of hero in a romance novel in his stupid cape lmfaoaoooo... you love to see it

THE PUSH/PULL WITH THE TRANSPORT?

THEIR POWERRRRRR

and then rey with her fuckin LIGHTNING

as soon as that happened i was like, oh lol rey palps then....

but also, THE LOOK OF WONDER BUT ALSO VICTORY ON KYLO’S FACE

ADAM DRIVER SIR

okay to be honest the whole soujourn to the like space swiss village is kind of a blur to me

keri russell was wasted, did i say that already?

although okay that bit when poe was like ‘were you a stormtrooper? were you a scavenger?’ maybe give him his rights

when kylo said WE’RE TWO PARTS OF THE SAME BEING

A DYAD

TWO WHO ARE AS ONE 

two? WHO ARE? AS ONEEEEEE

NEITHER WHOLE WITHOUT THE MOTHERFUCKING OTHER I 

‘i never lied to you’ AND HE NEVER HAS AND NEVER FUCKING DIDDD!!!!!

all the stormtroopers getting knocked back and kylo steadying himself with the force lol... it’s these little things ok 

JODIE COMER? 

rEy PaLpAtInE

I LAUGHED MY ASSSS OFFFFFFF

like... sure jj. sure

look, i have always understood and respected the choice to make rey ‘nobody’ (like anakin was! the force just makes who it needs to create the balance!) but if rey was going to be anyone i guess.... this is the best choice?

and i think there IS merit in the story going from ‘person burdened with legacy vs person with no legacy’ to ‘person with a legacy of good turning evil and person with a legacy of evil turning good’

i gotta think longer and more about this but. besides its inherent silliness i do not hate this ‘twist’ 

this movie jumped from planet to planet like a ping pong ball! it felt a bit jarring but my mum pointed out that the galaxy IS big and they’ve never really done this before and i was like hmmm Points Were Made

THE FIGHT ON THE OLD DEATH STAR

KYLO DODGING REY’S SWIPES AND NOT EVEN PULLING HIS SABER UNTIL HE HAD TO

THEN ONLY FIGHTING DEFENSIVELY

and her DESPERATION

ALMOST LIKE SHE’S FIGHTING HERSELF

BECAUSE THEY ARE TWO HALVES! OF ONE WHOLE!

and then oh my god

‘you can’t go back to her (leia). just like i can’t’

and the VICTORY in his eyes and the acknowledgment of the truth in hers

because THEY ARE THE SSSAAAAAAMMMMMMMMEEEE

when rey SCREECHED and force threw finn back.... oh fuck

(sidebar the way finn was so determinedly THERE for rey this whole movie... even when she said about the sith throne... his faith in her didn’t waver im verklempt)

WHEN HE DISAPPEARED AND REY LOOKED BACK HORRIFIED

because he can’t go! because the fight is what they have and what she’s clinging on to!

AND THEN HE WALKED UP OUT THE WATTTTEERRRRRRRRR

absolute romantic nonsense.

AND THEN

SHE KILLED HIM

SHE KILLED HIM!!!!!!

SHE KILLED KYLO REN WITH HIS OWN DAMN CRUCIFIX SWORD

I COULD NOT

BE LEEEEAAAF

THIS HAS BEEN MY DREAM ENDGAME SINCE THE START AND IT’S HERE TWO THIRDS THROUGH THE FUCKING LAST MOVIE?

A GIFT. LICH RALLY A GIFT TO MEEEEE

leia gave her LIFE for her SON I...

this was the only moment in the movie where i started to get some tears cause like... IT WAS JUST SO MUCH

AND REY.... TOOK LEIA’S ENERGY THROUGH THE FORCE... 

AND SHE PUT HER HANDS ON HIM

AND SHE HEALED HIM

SHE’S A SCAVENGER

SHE FIXES BROKEN THINGGGGSSSSS

HE DIED BECAUSE SHE KILLED HIM 

AND HE LIVES BECAUSE SHE HEALED HIM... 

WHEN. WILL. YOUR. FAVES?????????

‘I WANTED TO TAKE YOUR HAND. BEN’S HAND’

take my hand? take my whole life too

IIRENGOWENRGKLJEWNGFKJBKJBKJBKJLB

ALL THE BEAUTIFUL WINDSWEPT CLOSE UP SHOTS OF KYLO’S BEAUTIFUL WINDSWEPT FACE IN THIS MOVIE. I WAS BREATHLESS

KYLO STNADING ON THE EDGE OF THAT SEA WITH THE WIND GOING AND HIS LEG OUT LIKE THE STUPID BYRONIC HERO HE IS

HEATHCLIFF? HEATHCLIFF ON THE MOOR?

HAN’S HAND ON BEN’S FACE

HE CALLED HIM. DAD

‘kylo ren is dead’

OHHHHHH BABBBBYYYYYY

look i loved the crossguard saber but i understood why it had to go

and like ben shedding the persona he had built as a defence mechanism... rey killed that part of him? powerful too powerful

i know i have rose coloured glasses because i care about the core story of kylo/rey enough and i’m passionate enough about it but okay the way they are entwined with one another on the journey to identity is the greatest thing a silly blockbuster series has maybe ever given me 

it’s tam lin. IT’S FAIRY TALE NONSENSE AND I LOVE IT 

i 100% know in my bones they wanted the scene with han to be leia but they obviously couldnt have that so that was fine. when ben turned his head around and heard her and felt her.... DONT LOOK AT ME

the most emotional moment in this movie was when chewie heard about leia and broke down and collapsed and screamed

:(

us too buddy. damn 

rey stealing kylo’s ship and yeeting away lmfao

and when she went back to ach-to and burned it and was like IM STAYING HERE 4EVA >:(

she’s literally the exact same stupid reckless as kylo and i love

rose was wasted in this movie. very annoying

i DID laugh when they said ‘we should pull a holdo manoeuvre’ like of course that’s the one thing jj took from tlj. ohhhh jj

loved finn meeting the ex stormtrooper lady. i always felt like the one weakness of tlj is that it dropped this thread of finn’s indoctrination that i thought was being woven alongside rey and kylo’s issues with their childhoods in force awakens. the look of wonder on his face when she said that the whole battalion defected.... and saying the force lead them to do it like it lead him... and you could see john boyega feeling that with his whole heart!!!

i laughed at palps’ fleet of star destroyers that like all have death star capabilities now? so dumb

and also, a star destroyer is basically an aircraft carrier.... do you think the people who make star wars realise the empire is america? no...??? alright imma head out

missed opportunity for a shot of jar jar or a gungan when the galaxy fleet showed up like those towboats at dunkirk. to be HONEST

where did sheev palps find that stadium of goons? are they on retainer?

yeah so palpatine’s lair is the underworld and rey is eurydice and ben is orpheus. YEAH. YEAHHHHHHHHH

LEIA WAS TRAINED AS A MFING JEDI

THAT FLASHBACK WAS EVERYTHING FUCK

LEIA’S SABER!!!!!!!!!

i have Questions about leia ‘seeing her son dying at the end of her journey’ like ?

BUT HER PUTTING AWAY THE SABER TO PROTECT BEN!!!!

THIS FAMILY

fuck. benjy solo in that jumper.... USING A BLASTER LIKE HIS DAD.....

THE X WING AND THE TIE FIGHTER PARKED NEXT TO EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!

PALPATINE CALLING THEIR BOND ‘AS POWERFUL AS LIFE AND THE FORCE ITSELF’

NOT FOR GENERATIONS HAS THEIR BEEN A DYAD LIKE THEM!!!

FUCKING

DESTINED

BITCH

THEY ARE EACH OTHER’S DESTINY? WOW SORRY.... WOWOWOOWOOWOWOOWOWOW

ben versus his idiot knights of ren.... yeah i love my son

sorry rey had a vision of her AND kylo sitting on the throne but the throne is.... one seat? what are the logistics here? her on his lap? him on her lap? both of them sitting on an armrest like awkward kids taking a photo with santa?

I THOUGHT ABOUT THIS FOR LIKE FIVE MINUTES COMPLETELY DISTRACTED

THE LITTLE SHRUG BEN DID WHEN HE GOT THE LIGHTSABER AND WAS LIKE ‘YEAH SORRY NOW YOU’RE GONNA DIE’

I SCREAMED. IM LOVE HIM

rey giving ben the saber through the force bond!!

ACROSS SPACE??? LOVE THAT TRANSCENDS THE WORLD

palpatine taking, SPECIFICALLY, the power of rey and kylo’s BOND to strengthen himself because it is THE STRONGEST THING IN THE FUCKING UNIVERSE???????? CANONICALLY????????

REY AND BEN FIGHTING WITH LUKE AND LEIA’S SABERS

FUCKING... I FUCKING....

when palps like flicked ben away sorry i laughed... i mean i was like REALLY? FOR THE BIG FINALE HE’S GONE? but i understood why and that rey is the hero etc etc

THE JEDI SPEAKING TO REY! OBI WAN! QUI GON FUCKIN JINN

yoda is there too

AND THE POWER OF THE JEDI FLOWING THROUGH HER!!!!!

god her power.... SHE AMAZES MEEEE

(initially i thought ben was gonna kill palps for rey because of the whole The Sith Live in My Killer thing and then she’d have to kill him but HOISTED ON HIS OWN PETARDDD)

palpatine:

and the power was too much and it killed her ooooof

(the power of being a legacy... of channeling all that has some before!!! these movies get so ridiculously meta sometimes. best believe we’ll talk about THIS)

BUT HERE COMES BEN

BENJY BOYYYYY

his hair JUST long enough to be scraggly and devastating

literally dragging a broken leg 

ADAM DRIVERS PHYSICALITY IN THESE MOVIES (WELL ALWAYS) (BUT SPECIFICALLY IN THIS ROLE)

and he knows

WHAT HE HAS TO DOOOO

HE FINALLY FOUND SOMETHING HE LOVED ENOUGH TO DIE FOR

I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE THIS 

when he held her body holy shit... HOLY SHIT, GUYS

FULL CIRCLE????CVMSDFJNVDSLKFJVLDKJFVLKJDBFV

A PIETA.... A FUCKING PIETA

OH MY GOD THIS MOVIE

and his heartbroken face.... stumbling back to her... oh my good goddd

and then

‘I KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO BUT I’M AFRAID TO DO IT’

HE DIED FOR HER

HE GAVE.... HIS LIFE..... FOR HER.....

I CANNOT BE LIEVE THISSSSSS

HE GAVE UP HIS LIFE!!!!! HIS FUCKING LIFE!!!

he fought.... his whole life.... and he gave it up....

THAT’S LOVE? THAT’S FUCKING TRUE LOVE HOLLYL SKDJBVDKBF

REVAN AND BASTILA!!!!! REVAN AND BASTILA!!!1

and then she was alive again!!! ROMEO AND JULIET OKAY WOW

AND 

THEY

KISSED

I’M SORRY I DID FREAK THE FUCK OUT

HIS SOFT EYES

(super spoilery shot coming up here but)

OH MY GOD

FOR FUCK’S

SAKE.

i’m sure people will be mad about how little kylo like... talked in this movie but like sorry this was perfect

she saved his life! and she saved the world! and he quietly gave his life to her, for her?

this humble act of love? PURE LOVE?

WHAT WONDERFUL AND TERRIBLE THINGS THEY ARE CAPABLE OF. 

THAT THEY PUSH EACH OTHER TO

THIS TRILOGY WAS MADE FOR ME AND ONLY ME. THERE’S NO OTHER EXPLANATION

and her look of JOY and she said, ‘BEN’

look. i have been on the record for YEARS as saying my dream endgame would be for rey to kill kylo and for him to be forceghost with her always

AND SOMEHOW UMMMM THIS IS BETTER?

1. SHE DID! KILL HIM! AND THEN BROUGHT HIM BACK

2. AND THEN HE WILLINGLY DIED FOR HER? 

3. AND NOW SHE CARRIES HIM WITH HER ALWAYS??????

when his body faded and leia’s did too..... wo OOOOOOOOOOWWWW

SHE TOOK

HIS FUGGIN

LAST NAMMMEMELRKNWELKJBNLKJBFLKJBFKLRBJKLERJB

I’M SORRY THIS MOVIE WAS MADE FOR ME. KYLO REN WAS BREWED UP F O R MEEEEEEE

listen. there is a video game where a lady’s boyfriend gets killed and his soul goes into a sword and she carries the sword around with her

THAT IS THE RISE OF SKYWALKER

I CARRY YOUR HEART I CARRY IT IN MY HEART BITCH??????

THE FUCKING ORANGE SABER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and look. ben’s story is allowed to be just about rey and rey’s is allowed to be bigger than just him. that’s EQUALITY. that’s JUSTICE

look i know it’s very douchey of me but i wrote this paragraph about a character of mine in a book i wrote and it is like..... LIKE IT’S JUST KYLO REN OKAY

he was never gonna be someone who could settle down and live like a quiet life of monkhood or whatever luke was doin on ach-to.... 

okay when finn poe and rey hugged at the end okay I DID FEEL SOMETHING IN MY COLD DEAD HEART

FINN JUST LOVES THEM! SO MUCH! THERE IS SO MUCH LOVE IN THAT BOY’S HEART

and probably up until that moment i hadn’t really cared about having a Trio in the new movies like we had han and leia and luke but that hug had me feeling like... okay... Friendship IS Great

okay back to kylo, i tweeted this but i’ll repeat here: my favourite arc in media has always been snape’s, to me it is the perfect ‘redemption’ arc (and yes this will make people scrunchy-nosed angry, so i will point out: redemption to me has always meant redemption in the eyes of the reader/viewer, not in-world, this is true for anakin/vader too, who also has a nearly flawless ‘redemption’ arc) but now it’s kylo solo ren ben

I LOVE HIM. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I CAN’T STAND IT A LITTLE

HE FELL IN LOVE? AND IT SAVED HIM

HE WAS LOST AND HE FOUND HIS OTHER HALF

AND HE DIED BECAUSE SHE WAS STRONG ENOUGH TO CARRY IT ALL

CARRY THE LEGACY WHEN HE COULDN’T!!!

IT’S JUST SOSSOOSOOSOSOOSSO

i want a funko pop of ben in his comfy jumper running to fuck sheev palps the fuck up

i don’t even LIKE funko pops

naboo has a lot to answer for. literally all of these problems come from naboo

sure this movie was a big ole mess and i surely can’t wait for the good old disk horse

but i’m riding this high for as long as i can

because it was always about LOVE! LOVE CAN IGNITE THE STARS

so sure, this movie pandered terribly. but i am one of the people it pandered to and i am HAPPY INDEED

remember when maz kanata was like ‘your parents aren’t coming back but there is someone who still could’ YEAH IT WAS BEN!!!!!

:)

[talsursok]

TASK 001: INTRODUCTIONS

hello, everyone! i’m tea and i’m really excited to be part of this rp. i’d love to plot with you all or feel free to hmu and we can chat about whatever. (bonus points if you're into video games, animal crossing or stuck at home due to a pandemic :/ ).  i apologize for any spelling / other annoying errors. i’m trying to balance writing this, eating and cleaning. 

CHARACTER INFO

Full Name: Talia Noelle Sursok

Nickname(s): Tal,

Age: Thirty-Three

Birthdate: August 18th, 1987

Sexuality: Heterosexual

Occupation: Firefighter

Neighborhood: Coral Reef

Bio:

tw: death

in 1987, lucia sursok welcomed her one and only child into the world. born to a single mom, talia was never short of adoration. predominately raised by her mother with the help of her aunts and grandmother, talia grew up with a healthy sense of female empowerment, but she didn’t want to be viewed as a damsel in distress. like a bird set free, she explored the world around her and found a passion in martial arts. while she fought hard for good grades in school , she made up in her passion and excellence in fighting others. whether she envisioned her c math grade when she hit the bag, or the absent father she never knew, nothing felt better than releasing whatever emotion she was harboring.

at fifteen, talia was whisked away from her home in new zealand to move to california where her mom just had to marry some guy she met months earlier. talia approached him with skepticism; she never grew up with a male figure in her life and wasn’t sure what to think of him. she’d mutter hellos his way and make sure any conversation he would try to keep was cut short. little by little he was growing on her, until one day talia realized that the anger she held for her missing father was no longer there; she had found a father in a man who loved and accepted her and her mother. he was encouraging, always cheering her and continually motivating her.

so! with her watered down accent, talia found a desire to help others however she wasn’t quite sure in what form. she spent two years getting her associates at a local community college before transferring to a university where she obtained her bachelors in psychology.  school was spent being tutored by numerous students, late nights of flash card studying and lots of (hidden) years). finally, on the day of graduation with her fresh, college degree in her hands, talia looked into the crowd and locked eyes on her beaming mom and dad.

years went by and everything in between receiving her college degree and the rest of her twenties seemed like a blur. a bad breakup. late nights with friends. crying in the shower after a rough night at work. writing a list of pros and cons on getting a dog. finally getting said dog ( a siberian husky, her dream pet). numerous amounts of coffee consumed. and plenty of family time.

at twenty-six, talia found herself growing tiresome of her job as a social worker. after a long discussion with her parents, friends, coworkers and even her favorite baristas, talia felt a calling to become a firefighter. first there was volunteering, then becoming an EMT, passing a written exam and then graduating from the firefighter academy. it was challenging, exhausting, but also thrilling and a constant adrenaline rush. the passion talia felt when becoming a firefighter was indescribable. she had finally met her biggest and best challenge.

life was truly blissful until a year ago, when talia felt a pain that she wasn’t sure she was capable of feeling. she had lost her father. actually, she’s pretty sure she still hasn’t processed it and just the thought of it makes her a wreck (but never in front of anyone). talia was confused, angry and overwhelmed by the pain. she sort of shut herself off to everyone who tried to get close to her. the pain of losing a loved one again was something she desperately wanted to avoid.

personality

obstinate. you can tell her not to do something 100 x, but if she sets her mind to it she will do it. a lot of this came in the form of being picked on when she was little by the older boys in her martial arts class. she wanted to fight better than them and pleaded with her coach to train her longer that most.

genuine. what you see is what you get with talia. it doesn’t matter who she’s around, she stays authentic to herself and what she believes. she finds it too exhausting and useless to put on a front around certain people.

protective. at the core of it all, talia just wants to help people. seeing others in danger, suffering physically or mentally is hard for her to handle. so she does her absolute best to comfort everyone but herself.

cynical. life events have made talia feel distrusting of others. between being involved in social work and now her current occupation, talia is skeptical of the motivations of others. this originated when she was a a dumb, young teen in love with the bad boy who cheated on her multiple times. this incident left her embarrassed and guarded.

assertive. she trusts herself and her abilities and does not like when people question what she can do (mentally or physically). she’s just pretty feisty. talia is honestly a little too confident in her abilities and can come off as a bit forceful. just take this with a grain of salt and tell her to chill ~ she won’t, but feel free to tell her anyways.

impulsive. talia has always been impulsive; whether it’s proving that at age five, she in fact can climb a tree and does so but falls off leaving her with a scar, or going into any situation without thinking it through. being quick to act has its perks in the fire department, or so she thinks.

likes: coffee, dancing, warm weather, the first rainfall after its long absence, holidays, working out, strawberry ice cream, 70s music, movie theaters, competitive events, cleaning, top shelf tequila, fresh flowers in the house, lots of cozy blankets, minimal jewelry, pineapple ON pizza.

dislikes: cooking, cold weather, sleeping in too late, cats, socks, carbonated drinks, being fussed over, red meat, licorice, traffic, indecisiveness, watching the news, being alone, vulnerability, iphone updates, the smell of cigarettes, wine, not recycling, boredom.

her connections

anything and everything :) she’s been living her for eighteen years, so i’m open to anything that can fit during this time! give me all the drama.

(photo edit cred.)

[tisfan]

State of the Fics 2019

The WIPS and Dead Ends Edition

So: having recently had a few discussions with some fellow authors and talking about other writers and stuff... here is where I’m going to answer some/most/all of the MOARPLZ requests.

I have 440+ works on A03 and a lot of what I hear is MOARPLZ or “is there going to be any more of this...”

So, I’m kinda going through my list right now and letting you know what my plans are for 2020 and what, if anything, you can count on to see more of, and what is, in fact, truly over. If you don’t see a fic that you love and want to know more about it, feel free to ask me. 

Take Note and RSVP - every once in a while, we get asked about this story. This was my first jaunt into the fic world, and it’s unfinished. We lost our Steve writer because of some Fandom Drama (you can blame some stans who accused us of plagiarizing a fic we’d never read who continually attacked us until the stress just made it not worth the effort of finishing.)

Solar Powered Soldiers was my first solo effort. This fic, as far as I’m concerned, pretty much sucks. It was meant to be a Steve/Bucky fic, ended up with the only smut scene as a Nat/Clint piece, and didn’t really have a satisfactory ending. I am not likely to ever go back and fix this.

Steve of Oz was supposed to be mostly smutty foray into exploring Steve as the Avengers Bike. The plan was basically for him to end up having sex with literally everyone, while in a Wizard of Oz setting. Never happened, didn’t get much response to it. 

Lost in the Shadows Every once in a while, I get someone who asks me about this AU. Talk about your niche markets! On the other hand, I love me some ShadowRun, so I have not closed down the idea of writing more on this AU... 

So, here’s a fun thing: This particular AU is what’s been requested by my Marvel Trumps Hate winner, so, I’ll be writing a dragon-level event story for this, some 27 - 30,000 words. You ready, chummer?

The Communal Kitchen AU We have a few half-complete stories in this series; Vol 3, the Mating Habits of Hero Birds, a vague outline of a Team NuclearWinter side piece, and a couple of smut pieces that never got written. I may yank the sex pollen scene from Vol 3 out and post it as a stand-alone. We’ll see. If there’s interest in any of this, maybe we’ll come back to it. (I am currently re-reading the whole series, because honestly, I write the fic I want to read, and so I re-read my own stuff rather a lot.)

Anything involving Phil Coulson and Clint Barton - while I still ship this couple, and I’ll read stuff about them, I’ve pretty much given up writing them. Between Agents of SHIELD and everything with Clint starting in, say Age of Ultron forward, I just... don’t feel it anymore? Which does include the started and never finished Coulson’s Final Case 

Next Thursday Night - huh, I’d honestly forgotten about this fic. maybe i’ll revisit it this year upcoming... somewhere I think I have an outline.

Subject to PunTax - I love puns, and this story is very formulaic. I pick a topic, make up 5-7 puns on the subject, wrap a story around it and tie a bow with a suggestive pick up line. So, I leave this open to continue, the next time I’m feeling Punny.

Bucky Barnes has Kittens - Bucky as the crazy cat lady writer with bad anxiety. I’ve had a lot of people tell me this story has been great for them, dealing with Bucky’s anxiety issues. I do have more story ideas for this ‘verse, including Bucky finding out that Steve is also a writer and dealing with that. Decidedly On the List.

Eight Arms to Hold You - I have a handful of extra stories for these. Some of them went up on Tumblr for tentacletober... generally speaking, any mermaid fic of mine is subject to a continuation because MERMAIDS and OCTOBUCKY

All American Road Trip confession time here: I stopped writing this fic because of some anti-tonys who kept popping in my comments for this fic to rant about Tony Stark in a fic that was NOT ABOUT TONY. I’ve deleted all their comments, but they were nasty, and I stopped wanting to write for people who were being so abusive to Tony (and honestly, that much bile spilling in my comments, I don’t care who it’s about, it makes me sad) Like, they liked the Fic (steve/sam/bucky) but... eeeh, whatevs. I didn’t feel like dealing with it, and I’m not going to.

Also Prey - One of my more popular pieces, I reserve the right to add more to it when I’m in a fluff mood.

Kiss me Through the Phone - I wrote this with @27dragons and I have about... half a plan for a third chapter called Your Dirty Little Secret. So, with some encouragement, that could happen.

The Truth is Who You Are - my BDSM with religious song lyrics fic; this stuff is really emotional for me, and while I do have 2-3 more pieces planned, they take me a while to write and they knock the shit out of me while I’m doing it. There’s a lot of Tony working through his self-hatred that just... it’s deep. So... there will be more, it just... might be Some Time. 

The Killer and the Kid - this is literally my most popular piece. I get a MOAR PLZ ask on this at least once a month. I have been saying for a while I’m not planning any more of this, but I did offer it as an incentive for the Marvel Trumps Hate auction. This particular fic will ONLY BE WRITTEN for a charitable donation. 

Joyride - I’ve written a couple of addons for this fic loosely titled Bundle of Joy. They’re not quite Done Yet, but when I get there, I’ll be posting that.

Nights in Sandbridge - our most popular series, and I love these boys so much here. We have no major plans to continue, but if something strikes us, we may. 

WinterIron Pickup - a short story that spawned a second chapter. I have some ideas for continuing this, but it’s fallen by the wayside as I write other things.

What Good is the Sky - this piece is so angsty, and I keep getting requests to do moar of it. Trust me, you don’t want that, it will END BADLY. and I will cry a LOT.

Off the Menu - I really do have a LOT more of this story in my head. I just don’t know when I’m going to get around to it.

Bucky Barnes Prom CYOA this was SO HARD to format that I just gave up on it. I may come back and redo this as a few “completed” stories? 

Phoning it In - I do, in fact, have a few more of this AU in mind, I just lost a bit of the shiny after an amazing fucking against the sofa smut scene. So, there might be more of this in your future (also I kept expecting it to win March Madness, so I-- didn’t get back ‘round to it?)

A Poor Reflection - never got finished. Not sure why, I had the whole damn thing plotted out. Where is my outline??

The Enhancile War Series - mostly to play with the trope of naked girl in a box, this series originally had four plotted stories, but we just could NOT get the fourth story to GO anywhere, even pushing on it really, really hard.

Any Old Music Will Do - I have a plot outline for this one, with Bucky and Tony forming the core of the Defenders, along with Luke and Jessica, but I don’t know what I did with it... anyway, there’s more ideas here. a bit.

Indispensable we had a plot idea for a sequel and I actually think we wrote about 15000 words or so on it, but-- meh, it ended up not being very interesting. If we come up with some actual plot, then maybe?

Park(s) and Wreck(ed) - I have some more ideas for this as Tony and Bucky get their sexy on all over the office.

Stark, Naked - we did, in fact, do a sequel to this, which was rather short, but well-received. Not much ideas here for anything else, but we like this version of them, so if we get good prompts, we might be tempted to take up the reigns again.

Land After Time - We get a LOT of requests for Moar of this. If we had ANY FUCKING CLUE what was going on, we might. but we really, really don’t

We Can’t Eat That (It’s Dead) - I actually have an entire plot for this, on who the dead guy is and what happened...  I could be encouraged.

Forever Home - we wrote a full length sequel to this, but weirdly enough, it WASN’T the original sequel we’d sort of talked about. which means there’s potentially a third story here... (maybe a 4th one, too)

Excuse me, I think You Have My Suitcase - the further adventures of Tony and Bucky in lacy underthings. Yes. The next time I feel like PWP, I plan to revisit.

Dead to Rights - I still really like this idea... I just didn’t get as much traction from the Umbrella Academy fandom as I would have liked. Probably because most of my writer friends are Not Into It, which doesn’t give me many people to bounce ideas off 

New York: Become Human - there’s a LOT more story here to tell... maybe we’ll tell it.

Rejoice in the Sun - I started writing this fairly soon after Endgame, when I had a lot of feels, but between the absolute outpouring of hatred about that movie from the fandom. seriously, y’all were going all Annie Wilkes up in the house to the point that I put Endgame back on BLACKLIST to get away from the seething bile... it got really hard to enjoy post endgame content, and I got sick, too, so... that didn’t help any.

Once a Knight - Witch Bucky and Knight Tony... we have some more plot for this...

No Job Too Small - I think I even have another chapter of this WRITTEN. And some more plotted out. Tony and tiny children. What could go wrong?

(D)rift Away - Bigger Better Bugspray... what happens when the Rifters come back? There might be more of this, once I work out some plot. And honestly, stop getting distracted by the damn @heamarvel prompts.

The Door into Winter - I have a whole story for this, still working on it

Learning to Work Together (Good Omens) - we have some more feels for this, so possibly, if we can put plot together.

Pretty much everything else i’m posting in progress is still going strong, Blueberries, Hell Charger, Can’t Help you Fix Yourself, Reclamation, Draco Malfoy and the Rune... and I have a couple of other collabs with other people that are... bogged down with details right now.

We’ve got a couple of stories headed your way from the Marvel HEA Hallmark challenge, including what may well be my new favorite: Buck Barnes Got Married. We also wrote a Cyber Punk AU with companion Tony as an excuse to dress Tony up in skimpy outfits.

So, that’s like the general status of Old Fic... and having ideas is not the same as finding the time to sit down and WRITE them, especially since New Ideas are attacking me at the same time, honestly.

[shookethbrooketh]

seven days

day four: part two

summary: dan is stuck in the wrong timeline. one day, he kisses phil goodnight. the next morning, he’s completely alone. he doesn’t even recognize where he wakes up, and little details in the world around him have changed. he has no clue what’s happening or where to go next in an effort to fix it; all he knows is that he has to find phil.

genre: sci-fi, a lil bit of angst, happy ending

warnings: just some swearing!

fic word count: 10.4k chapter word count: 1.4k

written for the @phandomreversebang ! inspired by the awesome moodboard/edits by @maybeformepersonally ! beta’d (beginning to end) by @i-might-just-leave-soon !

dan became immediately aware of the flowers still in his hand. he held them up and made sure they were still perfect, putting on a smile. “follow the trope.”

read it on ao3

Before Dan could even think, he was inside the tattoo parlor. “Hello, I bro-” 

“Yeah, you got the flowers. You’re too late; buzz off,” Phil said, the harsh tone in his voice catching Dan off guard. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, immediately jumping into protective boyfriend mode. He could tell Phil was seriously upset, and it was almost instinctual for him to step in. “What happened?” he added, stepping up to the counter and resisting the urge to reach out and touch Phil. 

“Oh, nothing, just my boyfriend forgot our anniversary. So I don’t need your stupid flowers.” He grabbed them from Dan’s hand anyway, but he immediately threw them on the ground and stomped on them. 

“Oh…” Dan whispered. “Alright then.” He perked up, showing Phil a cautious smile. “I’m sure he didn’t really forget! He’s probably planning a surprise for you later.” 

“Nah, he forgot,” Phil grumbled. “I can always tell with him.” He rolled his eyes and walked around the counter to stand beside Dan. He planted his elbow on the counter and looked up at Dan. “That was a cute thought, though.” 

Dan raised an eyebrow at this; he’d known Phil long enough to know when Phil was flirting with him, and Phil was definitely flirting with him. “Um, thanks,” he said. Obviously he missed Phil, but this was the Phil he knew ten years ago; it was simply… odd. 

“How old are you?” Phil asked, inching a bit closer to Dan. 

“Twenty-eight,” Dan replied, scooting back a bit. He and Phil had a considerable age gap, but four years and six years were a different ballpark, especially when it came to hitting on the man you’re in love with but ten years younger. There was no definitive word to describe it other than uncomfortable. 

“That’s not too old,” Phil replied, and Dan didn’t know how to react. On one hand, he was generally creeped out; this clearly wasn’t the Phil he knew. On the other hand, he wanted Phil back so badly he was almost willing to take any Phil he could get. Besides, the trope was drawing him in, and he couldn’t help but feel as if he was supposed to let it. 

“D-don’t you have a boyfriend?” Dan stammered out, still wary of the concept of becoming involved with this morally skewed version of Phil. 

“Dumped him for bein a twat,” he said, standing up from the counter and matching up to Dan so that they were only a few inches from each other. “What’re you, straight?” 

Dan instinctively laughed. “No-” 

Before he could even finish his vowel, Phil pressed his lips up against Dan’s, and it felt as if every emotion known to man rushed through his head at once. There was the familiar relief; all logic and reason drained from him and was replaced by the love he felt every time he kissed Phil. It was love he hadn’t felt in days, and even that was far too long. There was also some fear and discomfort. Even though he technically was still kissing Phil, he still felt almost as if he was being unfaithful to the Phil he knew. Plus, this Phil was a different Phil even in his intimacy; when he kissed his Phil, it was deep and full of love. This Phil, being much younger, kissed with lust and revenge. He was sure they weren’t unlike him in their youth, but he’d matured since then, and in the moment it was really a bit gross. 

“I can’t do this!” he shouted, and it was as if he could feel everything crumbling around him. He was living in a simulation, a cheesy, fetishizing fanfiction written by some 12-year-old who didn’t know better, and he couldn’t bear to go along with it, even if he was “meant to.” He didn’t give a shit if he was “supposed” to take Phil out to dinner and fall in love; he was already in love, and he wasn’t going to sit through some horrendously predictable plot when he could just as easily explain himself to Phil and hopefully Phil would help him find a way home. This young, angry boy was apparently a scientist, after all. 

But at the same time, he felt as if pulling away gave him some sort of a game over screen. He set himself up for the bad ending by doing something good. He could feel the trope crack in half in his very heart; it was like he was nothing more than a character, and he’d just broken the fourth wall. He was Wreck It Ralph, and suddenly, because he stuck up for himself, the game wasn’t quite right anymore. 

“What do you bloody mean you can’t?” Phil replied, hostility back in his voice like when they’d first met. 

“I love you,” Dan blurted. He couldn’t think of anything else. 

Phil stood in silence for a moment before leaning forward a bit and blinking a few times, clearly unable to even process what Dan was telling him. “Alright, now I know you’ve gone mad. Get out.”

“Wait, liste-”

“Out! You’re a bloody crazy man; get out!” At this point, Phil approached him again, but rather than making a move, he simply turned him around and started pushing him towards the door.

“You’re trying to time travel!” Dan shouted out of desperation. Suddenly Phil stopped in his tracks and backed away from Dan. 

“Who told you?” he said, taking calculated steps back as if he was scared of Dan. 

“I came from the year 2019,” Dan said, and it took all his effort not to laugh because of how ridiculous it sounded; he was speaking like he’d walked straight out of a movie. “I actually am in love with you, or, well, another timeline’s version of you. I keep getting transported to different timelines, and you’re the only one who can help me get back.” 

Phil backed himself up to a door at the other side of the room. “I can’t help you do shit. It’s too early in the timelines for me to develop time travel. I’m only beginning to look into it.” 

Dan’s eyes widened in terror. “So there’s no one in this timeline who can help me get back to 2019? I’m stuck reliving the last ten years?”

“Not necessarily,” Phil replied cautiously. He still looked scared to his core, although Dan couldn’t quite identify why. “Maybe some Phil’s done it.” 

“Don’t you know these things?” Dan asked, beginning to get angry. “I thought you all had some weird sixth sense bullshit.” 

“Nope!” Phil said, all too cheery. “So sorry, but I must be going!” he said in a voice far too posh for him before turning the knob and swiftly slipping into the room behind him. Before Dan could even respond, he was gone. 

“Phil!” Dan shouted. “Phil, you little shit, what are you hiding from me?” He banged on the door with all his force, but it wouldn’t open. Finally he realized that he was taking his anger out on a piece of wood, and he gave up, sliding to his knees and softly beginning to sob. He was never going to get home. 

Dan heard a heavy sigh from the other side of the door and raised his head to see the door creaking open just a bit. “If you can find another Phil from your year, he should be able to get you home,” Phil said. “We don’t have the technology yet, but he will.” 

“Where the hell am I supposed to find a 2019 Phil in 2009?” Dan growled. He must have looked absolutely pathetic; his cheeks were coated with tears, and he could barely see Phil. It was a miracle Phil was willing to talk to him. 

“If you’re here, the Phils of the future probably are testing on various things, and a version of you was one of them. I don’t doubt that one Phil tried stepping through a portal himself.” 

“But how can I find him?” 

Phil rolled his eyes. “I don’t know, but not here. Just get out of here and go do your thing.” 

Dan clambered to his feet and made his way to the door. He walked slowly and emotionlessly back to the flower shop and into its adjacent flat, where he flopped back down onto the same couch he woke up on. He hadn’t even anything to process; he knew exactly what he had to do. He had to wait - for another day, for another trope, for another Phil.

[natashabarnes]

To preface:  Avengers: Endgame shook me to my core and I needed to find a constructive, healthy way to talk about what I am feeling and this seemed as good a way as any. This is an endeavor seeking emotional intelligence. So I’m here to talk about how media can affect us, honest-to-goodness grief, and yeah sure, my opinions and most importantly, Natasha Romanoff. There will be spoilers, obviously. You’ve been warned.

It’s late afternoon on Friday, May 7th, 2010.  I’m a super-soon-to-be-college-graduate, and I’ve just missed my bus home.  There are few places grimmer than where I currently found myself: the Inter-City Bus Terminal in Reading, Pennsylvania. The good news was that buses from Reading to New York ran roughly every two or three hours most of the day, I was going to be fine. I was going to be late, but I was going to be fine.  At the risk of sounding dramatic, I didn’t know it but I had a date with destiny that evening. Since I couldn’t imagine sitting around and waiting in a bleak af bus terminal, I sought refuge a mere block-and-a-half away at the R/C Reading Movies 11 & IMAX. Lucky for me, I was able to schlep my suitcase and (always) large purse over right in time for a showing of Iron Man 2. I remembered Iron Man (2008) to be a whole lot of fun so I sprung for a movie ticket to be able to watch most of Iron Man 2 before I had to catch my bus.  I knew nothing about this film going in and I was having a good time up until the moment Scarlett Johansson came on screen as Natalie Rushman (who even me, a noob S.H.I.E.L.D./espionage sector of Marvel, knew was actually Natasha Romanoff, aka the Black Widow).  Once she made her entrance into Tony Stark’s personal fitness center, I wasn’t having a good time, I was having a great time…and also a weird time.  I was in complete awe of her; I hung on her every word, her every move.  Everything about her radiated a sense of intelligence, purpose, intention, and most alluring to me, confidence.  Looking back I realize I was seeing the kind of woman I wanted to be; not only did she have every trait I wanted as a person, she seemed to be this unattainable personified perfection.  At the time, I wrote off my fascination with her pretty quickly as the voice in my head said “but you’ll never be like that, you know that, right? You’ll never have those things.” I had to leave to catch my bus just as Rhodey showed up to Justin Hammer’s Stark Expo presentation and at the time that was pretty much that.

Let’s skip ahead.  It’s the evening of Wednesday, April 24th, 2019.  Thanks to the kindness of my best friend/basically sister, I was able to see Avengers: Endgame a day early.  I’m a mess.  I’m soaking wet from the collar bone up and my eye makeup is every place on my face with the exception of my eyes.  I’ve been sitting for over three hours and somehow I’m out of breath, my sweat is cold. My status of Full Blown Mess was credited to the fact that I had to watch Natasha Romanoff die violently, fiercely, and courageously.  The shock I felt that night was all-consuming.  I kept saying to my friend through hard sobs, “I just thought she’d be safe. I really thought she’d be safe.”  So many people I know at this event found me after the fact to check in with me.  Am I okay? Do I need anything?  The only answer I came up with on the fly was “I will be, it hurts now. But I’m just…so proud of her.”  More on that later, but basically, people were so kind and if I had to be a mess, at least I was among people who also cared and understood where I was coming from. While my friend engaged in a last bit of work for the day, I sat waiting, attempting to calm down by staring at costume designer Jany Temime’s recent Instagram post where she selfied with Scarlett expressing excitement about working on the upcoming Black Widow film. I reminded myself that this night was not goodbye, just a very jarring “see ya later.”  Of course the present is not necessarily made easier to bear just because more (and potentially the best) is yet to come.

What a difference nine years made.  I’d gone from casual move-going fan who’d only read Spider-Man comics when I had time to being a hardcore, ride-or-die fan of Marvel Comics and the Marvel Cinematic Universe. My library had grown exponentially, along with my knowledge of these characters, and let’s not overlook my closet’s growth after falling into the deep pit of cosplay. I can’t exactly put my finger on the “when” of it, but at some point I stopped stifling the portion of my heart that belonged to superheroes and let them take over with complete abandon.  I’d always had a heavy habit of trying to be what other people wanted me to be.  Though I may have lived very independently, in retrospect my choices and interests were so often chosen for the satisfaction of other people (I am not assigning blame to anyone but myself on this one). Superheroes serve as a perfect example of a passion of mine I chose to shut down for so long. Once I leaned into that passion, I felt so much more complete.  It’s no surprise that Natasha Romanoff was the character I ended up being most passionate about.  

Natasha is a strong woman who spent a lot of her life in the service of others across moral and political spectrums.  She followed their orders always and has plenty of regrets about her past.  Maybe I was self-projecting, but throughout my dedicated years as an MCU viewer and Black Widow comic reader, I always saw Natasha’s arc as two parts:

1) a woman coming to terms with what she’s been and what she’s done seeking to move forward in a more universally beneficial direction.

2)  a woman learning who she is, what she wants and choosing to act of her own volition.

Obviously the two are deeply connected. While her past experiences may have made her moral compass more grey than that of her peers, she’s a woman who wants the Right Thing To Do to be the choice she makes of her own agency.  There’s a beautiful deleted scene from Captain America: The Winter Soldier where Nat speaks to Nick Fury for the first time in confidence after discovering he faked his death and did not include in on the secret.  “I needed to keep the circle small.  You would have done the same thing,” he says.  “I know,” she replies, “that’s a problem.”  A scene she has with Steve Rogers discussing trust that made the final cut achieves a similar idea.  In past appearances in the MCU, Natasha had expressed a desire to make amends for her past and seemingly had started to do so through her work with S.H.I.E.L.D. and her participation the Battle of New York.  These moments in Cap2, as the fandom frequently refers to it fondly, are less about her outward actions and more about her inward struggles. What she seems to learn by the end of the film is that letting people in is a key part of her goal of a truer sense of self.  By the time we meet her in Captain America: Civil War, within the first hour of the film she delivers one of my favorite quotes as the family around her begins to split apart, “Staying together is more important than how we stay together.”  Nat’s journey continued to be one of finding self-possession, self worth and using that greater sense of self to give back to others, both the found family around her and the innocent she can protect.  

With all of this in mind, Avengers: Endgame is my favorite MCU film and features my favorite Natasha Romanoff content we’ve seen so far.  From the moment the film begins, she is a woman hell-bent on remedying the greatest tragedy in the history of the world.  Long gone is the woman we met in her first two films who did the bidding of an organization and/or focused mainly on giving back to those she felt she owed. In Endgame, Natasha aims to save the world, to bring back everyone lost, to restore families.  We first see this when she agrees to find Thanos with the team and reverse the snap. When that mission fails, we skip ahead five years and that’s when I personally really lost it. In five years, Natasha has never stopped trying to fix the world. Let’s be clear, every other member of the original six Avengers most definitely has stopped trying to find an antidote to The Thanos Problem.  Sure, Steve is trying to fix things in a different, more practical way, but there’s still an acceptance of the circumstances in his actions.  The sight of her alone broke my heart and filled me with a sense of honor.  This is a woman we have always seen in control and put together and when we find her she is a noble, beautiful wreck. She’s abandoned most self care, wearing only her depression clothes, and surviving off hope and peanut butter sandwiches desperately communicating with allies around the universe. These people make time for her but are clearly losing patience with her and her insistence that not only can this be fixed, but that it is all of their responsibility to do so.  And in case it wasn’t obvious enough how much she’s changed, this scene gives us what I believe will be (for now at least) Nat’s most iconic moment on screen.  “I used to have nothing, and then I got this…this job, this family.  And I was better because of it.  And even though they’re gone…I’m still trying to be better.”  Nat sums up her entire character arc in this one delicate and stunning moment showing just how strong allowing herself to be vulnerable has made her.  Loving has only made her braver, caring has only made her more tenacious, and giving has made her unstoppable.  She is, in this moment, the woman she always wanted to become.

Remembering the aforementioned scene is absolutely necessary when absorbing Natasha’s choice later in the movie to sacrifice her life so that her team can get the soul stone.  Her entire life has lead her to this moment. Yes, killing off the only female from your original team is a bold move with a LOT of weight attached to it, and one that can definitely be seen as shortchanging her, but I just can’t see it that way. Natasha Romanoff made the ultimate heroic choice, one that the rest of the film hinges on.  My brain can’t navigate the concept that fans have been robbed of her unnecessarily without also hearing a diminishing of the selfless choice she made and the course she followed in the time we’ve known her and beyond.  It’s only when I think of the alternate concept of Clint dying for the soul stone that I feel completely, hypothetically swindled (though while we’re talking about him let’s also not forget how excellent it was to see a man and a woman with no blood relation platonically love one another unconditionally).  Please don’t misunderstand, if you are angry, I respect that, we all deal with stuff different ways, this is just my take.  Natasha Romanoff earned that moment.  Is it devastating to watch? One thousand percent yes, but what I felt even more deeply than the devastation was pride.  I am so proud of this character that in no way can I bring myself to see this choice as abuse or mistreatment of her character.  In that moment, she was magnificent.  Natasha Romanoff died valiantly, unafraid, and of her own free will so that everyone else could live.  Natasha is a hero of the highest standard, full stop.

Entertainment Weekly recently featured a half-hour interview with the original six Avengers to promote Endgame. I was more than moved to hear Scarlett speak about Nat’s arc and confirm what I’d been absorbing as an audience member for years.  “She’s come into her own as a woman saying ‘who am I and what do I want and what do I need out of my relationships and also out of my own self’ and she’s someone who is understanding her own self worth.”  Without going into deep detail, watching Scarlett’s performance as Natasha has affected me in a way I can only describe as profound.  Every MCU film she appeared in had at least one moment that hit a nerve inside me in ways equally gentle and harsh, but still every nerve was hit with the reassurance of knowing that if she could change, I could too.  Catalysts for personal growth can come from anywhere and at my most lost somehow I remembered that moment sitting in a theatre watching Iron Man 2.  Something in my brain told me to follow that feeling I had watching her, not in an effort to emulate her completely, but to see an example of someone one who is “my own woman–first, last and always.”  Natasha taught me that self love, self worth and opening yourself to others are traits more powerful than lightning, stronger than a suit of armor and they’d protect me more than a shield.  In the years I’ve watched and read this character, my life has changed for the better in every way.  She’s been a gift to me and the gratitude I feel is overwhelming.  I may have saved myself, but Natasha taught me how.  As fans I think we all love having more media to look forward to, especially when that media features an inspirational figure for us.  Before Endgame I’d frequently have passing thoughts reminding me that someday the time of Scarlett’s particular incarnation of Natasha will be over.  Who would I be without this character? After Endgame, I’m less afraid of that future.  No matter what form of this character I will have in my life, I will always follow her example and I will try to be better.  

[fluffmugger]

introspectivenavelgazer said: I’m curious about your thoughts OH HOLD ON BB I GOT OPINIONS. ITS BAD. 

sabacc said: ah, the disturbing things bingo movie oh no. nononoo. Make no mistake. This was not a “nooope” situation.  There was precisely one moment in a teaser that actually triggered me, and that was so fucking poorly done in the end product I ACTUALLY ENDED UP LAUGHING. I’m  not exaggerating, check the post. First time I saw that it pulled a very hard visceral cord, and when the Kersh scene came up in the movie, I was huddled up in my chair, hoodie on, ear blocking ready to ride out that wave of programmed fear.   Instead, I fucking laughed because the whole thing was so fucking ridiculous. What was a deft, vicious piece of editing got completely fucking wrecked.  And that’s pretty much what happened to the story, that film was a hot mess of absolute bullshit.  It not only completely fucked up the overarching themes of the original story, it made no fcking narrative sense in and of itself as a movie verse Lo, there be spoilers...

While some parts I can understand for expediency - such as sidelining Audra and shifting Bill’s obsessive run to IT being based on a local child that he ultimately fails to save, why the fuck have Audra in it in the first place? A five second appearance so ...wha, you can make a running joke on Bill sucking at writing endings that’s just an endless sledge against King? What was the fucking point of that?     Likewise the inclusion of Silver, stripped down to a single cameo that only got vaguely saved because it put him in the place where he could meet aforementioned kid (now living in Bill’s old house in a most contrived of plot points but I will allow it because it works) and form an emotional connection. The whole reason for them standing to face IT is shifted from the pact they formed - the childhood vow they could never break - to Beverley instead somehow magically seeing the future while trapped in the deadlights, and realising that if they didn’t finish IT once and for all, even after the cycle they would all eventually take their own lives like Stan did, unable to live with the taint.  While this could be a interesting take in and of itself - if you do not face the demons of your childhood, they will destroy you one way or another - it completely shifts the core motivation to one of self interest.    Initially the Losers (especially Bill) did actually take on IT from a position of self interest (and young Bill actually has a moment of self agony over it, is he only leading  his friends into a deadly crusade because he wants vengeance for Georgie? Does he have that right? Is he nothing but a “selfish little shit waving a tin sword”), but it became so much more, and these children became monster slayers.   It’s the hero’s journey.   And shifting that makes it a corruption, not into a subversion.   It was also so damned messily handled - it could have been interesting , the idealism of childhood shifting to pragmatism of adulthood, but it was reduced to a handwave threat, and they didn’t need to be threatened.  The original story had a whole intertwined creep that was fucking beautiful, this veneer of adults in control of their own lives and destiny being stripped away in thin layers, with the Losers gradually beginning to dimly perceive they are simply parts  of some great cosmic machinery and their illusions of control and indeed  their entire lives are all just that - illusions. The undermining of reality and stripping of power were great Adult Fears that played fucking beautifully in the book.  The silent unspoken Imposter Syndrome, hinted at, but never directly addressed, that all their successes were simply due to being touched by IT.  In the movie? Oh man we’re all gonna kill ourselves if we don’t fix this and it means ...nothing to the characters. Seriously. They all still walk anyway.  And   way too much fucking time is wasted on characters abruptly deciding to leave only to Not At The Last Second.   It’s just a big fat clumsy mess.

They completely chunked out Bowers taking Mike out of the final battle, yet still included him in the film - Why? what was the fucking purpose?  They also intimated that IT was responsible for killing his father - ironically the one fucking murder Bowers did commit -   and adult Bowers was delightfully played, but he served  no fucking purpose whatsoever. Not to drop them to the lesser number of power (5 as opposed to 7), not to drive them into the sewers, what was the fucking purpose of having him there? He shows up, doesn’t even break Eddie’s arm (so there’s your other purpose of resetting the gameboard to the positions of the last confrontation) gets stabbed, gets killed, and they go on la de da.

Michael’s story is absolutely fucked into unrecognisability.  I’ve already ranted about killing off his parents - it’s a dumb fucking decision and I will never fucking excuse it. William Hanlon is a key player in the books, inadvertently preparing his son for his role of watchman.  This is completely lost to the most basic of fucking racial stereotypes.   Holy shit they actually refer to his parents as fucking crack heads  at one point (although this is later revealed to be a fake out by Pennywise), but what does it serve?   While you can argue that removing him is what destabilises Mikes character THERE IS NO FUCKING REASON TO HAVE AN UNSTABLE MIKE.   In the sequel, Mike is clinging to sanity by less than the skin of his teeth, drugging Bill against his will at one point, actively leading everyone into danger with a false promise of victory and generally acting like a desperate fucking madman. Why take a dignified black character and turn him into an unstable Kassandra?  You don’t need a fucking unstable Kassandra, the very nature of what IT is, and its horrific, aeons-long parasitic relationship with Derry is so fucking unbelievable in and of itself it does that for you.   

Likewise Eddie’s adult career  is suddenly changed to being a ...investment? insurance? boring person thing? what the shit? Why not have him own the goddamn largest fleet private chauffeurs? Why change? that one tied back into his navigation skills at least, and there’s serious coin in that shit.   And fucking hell do not get me started on fucking Myra fucking hell if you want to touch a complex and fucked up relationship like that, you don’t handwave it. His entire rampant hypochondria is shifted to  something closer to ...smart arse with some small neuroses?  Ok, but you’re telling me this..why? what is the purpose of this?

Completely out of left field, Richie is heavily intimated to be Queer. Ok.     But they then go on to jam in additional homophobia (and this is on top of Mellon’s death that to be fucking honest is shot way too fucking far on the side of “lookit the smartmouth gay get stomped”)  and Pennywise threatening to reveal Richies Great Secret to the point I literally leaned over and asked His Lordship “The script writer does know this is set in the fucking 21st century, right?”   It could have been a fascinating side story of a man whose trauma keeps himself in a cage even when he doesn’t have to, but it’s not. It’s a hot mess of what the fuck let’s throw a gay (but not too obviously gay we’ll do it so we can claim he’s not so it still sells in china and we have plausible deniability hide your queers, hide your queers!)  in just so we can kill the object of his affection.  YOU DON’T NEED TO AMP UP THE ANGST OVER EDDIES DEATH. WE ALL KNOW ITS COMING. AND IT HURTS.    You know what woulda been ground breaking? You’ve laid the groundwork with Beverley already, have Richie in the deadlights as he is, have Eddie do his Big Damn Hero Save, and then have richie see what’s coming and shove eddie out of the way.  Having Richie die instead of Eddie? Holy crap, no one would have seen that coming. It would have blown up fucking everyone, film, telemovie and book fans alike.   (Also holy shit adult richie, far from being the smart, funny man we all know is a wanker. His comments at the chinese dinner party have none of the genuine humour of the book or even the  Curry adaptation, he comes across as a mean spirited bullying dickhead that you’d all go to the toilet at the same time and climb out the window to avoid. In a kid it’s funny. Kids have no filters. From an adult, it’s fucking poison)  

We also have all these elements of childhood coming back, but there is no purpose to them in the film.  In the book, it’s the wheel turning, the gameboard sliding back to where it was last time they faced IT, a very real embodiment of unfinished business and an inability to escape your childhood - a fact the characters are very well aware of and in varying ways horrified by their own regressions -  but in the film it’s just leaving the audience wondering why are they doing that? why’s that there. what the fuck man. why have bill stutter? So you connect the adults to the kids by using the broadest fucking flanderised tropes possible?  It doesn’t even stand on its own two feet, it relies on way too much back knowledge from other sources. And it reeks as it they bolted on large chunks of some other horror movie script that was presented to the studio and changed the names.  There’s no psychological implications, there’s no deftness, hell there’s no fucking chemistry with any of the fucking actors.  It’s reduced to a jumpscare gore fest. It doesn't even compare to the first half.  It got so bad that by the second act I was literally pointing at the screen and BAM right on cue, there was the jumpscare. That’s how fucking predictable it is.   The CGI was shithouse (I actually burst out laughing during the Paul Bunyan scene as well as the Kersh one it was so fucking bad) the ending is..my god they literally prance around him screaming “fucking clown” until he shrinks, they pluck his heart and crush it. Fuck me, the Curry adaptation had its problems but the savage, ritualistic destruction of IT as they all fell to their knees around and tore it apart with their bare hands had fucking balls at least.  And BTW, it’s only the caverns and the house on neibolt street that get destroyed, the rest of the town is just fuckin’ dandy and it’s like DUDE THE TOWN WAS LITERALLY BUILT ON IT. DERRY CANNOT SURVIVE WITHOUT IT.  IT’S A PARALLEL FOR THE HORRIFIC CANKER  AT THE HEART OF EVERY “LOVELY” AMERICAN SMALL TOWN. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY SOMETHING TO PLAY WITH.  and then, THEN they end it with a letter from Stan. See, Stan didn’t kill himself because in one brief, horrific instant he remembered everything, and even as a child knew he couldn’t face it again and bailed, no... he knew he was going to buckle and killed himself so..he wouldn’t die they wouldn’t all die what. the fuck. was the purpose. of THAT.

In short, it was a phoned in, badly written, badly edited piece of shit, completely purposeless and not even worthy of its predecessor.