#and the book itself is really good but i agree with the person who wrote that orwell didn't predict anything as much as he

[mishkakagehishka]

I think reading 1984 will radicalise me to the end tho

[inkpot909]

Your Relationship Trope (Bucciarati’s Gang)

↳ Gender Neutral Reader. Takes place after the events of Part 5 in a everyone lives!AU.

A/n: It’s been a while! I had to take some time for personal matters, so sorry for my absence. I wrote something just a tad more breezy to help ease myself back into it; I really missed writing. I hope y’all enjoy!

Warning(s): None.

Giorno Giovanna

-> Love at First Sight

This deeply romantic, cheesy, guy.

Because of how much he prides himself on understanding, and by extension owning, his own thoughts and feelings- he could tell there was something drawing him to you the moment he met you. A gut feeling that he’d really care to know you better; one that he knows better than to ignore.

Good luck trying to hide anything from him yourself, either. He is as good at reading others as he is himself.

Therefore, if you felt immediately drawn to him as well, he’s going to notice. You might not say anything outright or maybe try to bury it deep down… but either way, he can tell.

Not that he minds your affections, of course. Giorno gets into this cheeky habit of dangling the concept of a potential relationship above your head. Just out of reach.

Yes, it’s in part because he wants to tease you. Seeing you grow flustered at his unapologetically forward flirtations… it never gets old.

But Giorno is also a very busy individual.

It’s difficult for him to plan meetups with you, being gone for days on end at times. Even up and leaving at the drop of a hat if the need arises. He takes his position seriously, and has been a rather involved Don since day one.

And Giorno is a sucker for the details, so he won’t make the final push to become official unless it’s the perfect moment.

Luckily for you, he’s a patient guy.

And as mentioned, he can read you like an open book. He knows you’re not looking at other men or women. Keenly aware you’re waiting for him to make some grand gesture.

Some guilt inevitably spawns whenever he gets extra busy, but your happiness at getting to see him again quickly puts those worries to rest for the time being.

All that in due time… after all, if it’s really true love, he is in no desire to rush.

That being said, the people in his inner circle would absolutely like him to rush. Who knows about his feelings for you? Everyone.

That’s not hyperbole, he’s fairly certain everyone around him can tell.

He will never shut up about you. In damn near any situation where it may be appropriate. Not in any situation that it would potentially reach your ears.

Mista himself has commented that he doesn’t know which he would prefer: Giorno before a relationship with you or during. Either way he’s ‘dealing with a lovesick fool.’

Giorno doesn’t care much, already knowing it’s something his closest friends ought to get used to. Confident in himself and what he picks up on.

After all, your smile says what his mind is already thinking.

Bruno Bucciarati

-> Reunited Childhood Friends

Bruno Bucciarati is a man that has stuck with the same haircut and pattern of clothing since he was twelve years old.

Of course he’s still not over you by the time of the inevitable reunion. Like Giorno, he’s definitely a ‘one love’ sort of man.

Getting contacted by you felt like a dream… but it also brought forth initial hesitation.

Due to the specific turn his life took, he had to leave a lot of things behind. Some more regrettable than others… and you were one of his biggest regrets for a long time.

Regardless, his heart won that day- as he agreed to meeting up with you faster than he would care to admit.

The excitement and build up to it after a date was set is a beast in of itself. The prospect of finally seeing you again after all these years fills his chest with a warmth he’s only ever associated with you.

His mind whirls, all his thoughts leading back to the hope that he’ll get to know the person you have matured into.

Your career, hobbies, how your family is doing, the path you’ve been walking down ever since he’d left its course far too long ago… and him praying there’s a distinct lack of a ring on your left hand.

Bruno’s glad to say that his hopes were well-placed. Upon seeing you again, you proved to be just as eager to know how he’s been doing all this time.

Your questions leave him feeling bittersweet; something he knew would happen.

How could he even begin to explain himself? Would he even want to? You deserve more than a short explanation or a lie. But he cannot and will not bring you into gang affairs either. And if he was honest…. where would he even begin?

“I committed murder to protect my father when I was twelve and ended up entangled in gang affairs. Sorry for not giving you a phone call.”

… it needs work, to put it lightly.

He’s not the type to succumb to fear but… it’s difficult not to stress over what you would think of him if he’s completely honest with you. It’s a testament to how deeply special you are to him; hardly ever getting this mentally worked up over anything outside his beloved team.

The push and pull of wanting to be honest with you- yet not wanting to risk putting a target on your back.

Whether it’s due to the years of separation or just the undeserved kindness you offer him, at some point, you admit to only thinking of those old days fondly.

Regardless of being quite startled with his sudden absence in your life, you couldn’t hold it against him. You knew of his parents divorce, and the last thing you had heard, was that Bruno’s father was in the hospital.

At first, he’s just resigns himself into being gratefyl you had it within yourself to forgive him.

But how can he hope to ignore… how lovely of a person you have grown up to be- inside and out. In the long run, it just doesn’t happen. His feelings truly snowballing for the first time in years.

Suddenly, he feels like a foolish child again. Only now, he must be doing something right because you could cause traffic to stop with the way you start to look at him.

There’s a warm nostalgia to you. Someone who knows him; truly knows him. Outside of his work and the contradictions he over for it for years.

And it gets to a point where Bruno resolves he must tell you how he feels. And by then, he won’t dally.

You’re back in his life again, and he’s sure as hell not leaving. Especially not without expressing his feelings.

Only took him short of nine years.

Leone Abbacchio

-> ‘We’re Just Coworkers’

He doesn’t necessarily meet people outside Passione, not one to go out of his way to seek companionship.

He has the team. He has Bucciarati. There isn’t much he wants, or feels like he can, ask for.

It’s because of this that you both are most likely to meet through the organization.

And there’s no doubt that Abbacchio is… apathetic to your position in the gang at first.

Now, he’s not as harsh on you as he was comparatively to Giorno. You’re not a fifteen year old with a savior complex and a tendency to act with a sort of righteous grandeur.

So, in short, you’re already doing great as far as he’s concerned.

Not that he warms up to you quickly; quite the opposite. Weeks will pass before he starts to slowly accept and involve you in any meaningful capacity. A guy like him just needs time to get used to someone so new to him… lots and lots of time.

Once that need has been met, he figures you’re alright.

Not bad company- in or out of Passione business. Far favorable to other people around him, as far as he’s concerned. He finds that you’re much better to converse with than Mista or Fugo.

It’s in his nature to compare a little bit, so when he starts seeing you from a fairer perspective… that’s when a quiet appreciation forms.

Alas, his heart is not as immovable as he likes believing it to be.

Over time, the two of you start to metaphorically lean on one another.

It starts off professionally enough, relying on one another in the heat of battle. Then, it gets to a more personal level- quieter conversations maintained between the two of you beneath the usual noise of the others interacting just a foot or two away.

Still, you two only work together. It’s professional. Without question. At least, that’s the case if Abbacchio or you are asked about it directly.

But the others are oh-so-quick-to-point-out that him letting you crash on his bed during particularly exhausting nights is not exactly platonic behavior. Nor is just how sucked into conversations the two of you get, or how much time you spend one-on-one.

And Abbacchio is nothing if not the type to do the exact opposite of what everyone says.

He’s going to deny it for months. Hell, years if you let him.

Never mind the fact the two of you already act like a couple. Getting ‘mistaken’ as one when going out, regardless if it’s just the two of you or not. Each time, you’re both insistent that you’re merely work friends.

It would be ten times more frustrating if there wasn’t any truth to it that neither of you are prepared to admit to.

It takes a healthy amount of whack cartoonish logic for things to finally fall into place. Being locked in a small room for twenty minutes, or possibly an accidental kiss to the lips… that sort of thing.

Guido Mista

-> Coffee Shop Regular

Mista likes the simple things in life, no doubt.

There’s many ways that fact manifests. One example is that he often wanders around the city in order to check out local businesses. Diners, secondhand stores, and little coffee shops. He knows the area well, and likes sparking up conversations with the people he comes across.

And a cute worker at one of his favorite coffee shops? Makes his day even better, he’d figure.

He was already a regular at your place of employment long before you were hired. Meaning, when he saw a new face behind the counter, he had to offer a hello with a relaxed smile on his face.

And to his credit, it was incredibly easy to like him.

The type of customer who’s always in a decent mood, not too impatient, and always knowing what he wanted to order long before walking in.

Sprinkle in a pleasant ‘hello’ or a lighthearted joke every now and then, and he starts to notice your face brightening every time he enters the shop.

He won’t argue against the idea it fills him with something far deeper than pride.

Beyond finding you initially attractive, he considers you a good worker. He cannot imagine being a barista is always easy, but he’d care to point out that you make it look easy. You know his order by memory after a while, and conversation with you comes naturally.

And soon, the workplace barrier is finally shattered. Happening so casually it was practically thoughtless.

One day, Mista walked into the store just when you were sent on a break. He greeted you as always, and offered to sit with you while you decompressed with a cup of coffee of your own.

That’s when he’d say that something a bit more concrete formed. More real, past the relationship of worker and patron.

And he grows unapologetically forward by then too.

He’s not the type to hit on you at work, but certainly not above blatantly asking for your number after he felt it may be appropriate to do so.

He finds it to be a casual and natural progression, something that is in his nature to embrace.

Like Giorno, though, he’ll drag out the time before asking you out just in order to tease you. He doesn’t automatically figure out that you might be into him, but he’ll get the hint by the time you two start calling one another regularly.

He’s not easily affected by the others teasing him over you, either. He openly admits that he’s into you, why get embarrassed?

Now, if someone makes a comment about it in front of you, then he’ll get flustered. An emotion expressed through frustration and defensiveness.

Regardless of that, it’s such a relaxed progression that at some point he thinks meeting you may have been fate. There’s a ton of coffee shops all around Naples, yet you chose to work at one of the small handful he regularly likes visiting.

If his life is predetermined, like he believes it is, then he’s grateful fate is on his side.

Pannacotta Fugo

-> Friends to Lovers

This man looks at someone with a view on love like Giorno and scoffs with distain.

The notion of ‘love at first sight’ is one that is only entertained by foolish and idealistic individuals, according to Fugo. Rolling his eyes, a scoff escaping his lips… he thinks that mindset is ridiculous and is unafraid to express it.

Hell, romantic relationships aren’t even on his radar in general.

He doesn’t look down on or think negatively of anyone in one, of course. But it’s hardly ever on his mind. Focused on Passione and the team he is proud to be a part of.

And that doesn’t change one bit upon meeting you.

As usual, such a thing doesn’t cross his mind once. The prospect of a potential new ally and friend is the only one he cares to ponder, even if you start off on the right foot. He’s a little distant, but polite and fair enough to give you a chance.

Good thing he did to, as far as hindsight is concerned.

A funny individual and someone who hardly ever makes him want to flip a table? He’s glad to call you his friend once a foundation of trust is established.

If he thinks about it, he’d have to admit to himself there’s something very earnest and warm about the relationship.

You’re a good conversationalist, he respects your intelligence, and even silence around you is comfortable.

More than that, you’re reliable. Stress doesn’t come quite as easy whenever you’re around. And when it does, you understand him. You know just what to say and how to say it. And he’ll be damned if he doesn’t try to express the same kindness.

He starts thinking of you when you’re not around, especially when he’s alone. Thinking of anything from a fond or humorous memory, or simply the curve of your smile.

Oh… oh no.

Tackling his own growing feelings is a lengthy process. He wasn’t interested in seeking out a partner, but he catches feelings before he even realizes it.

And figuring out your feelings on the matter? Forget it.

He won’t say a thing unless you make a move yourself, too wary to even admit he could realistically do something himself. A fact the others are quite keen on reminding him of.

His insecurity won’t last forever, though.

Being around you is such a joy that it’s hard to get trapped in his own mind in the moment. That smile on your face, and sentences leaving your lips in the familiar tones of your voice…

You are his friend first and foremost; someone he feels he can really talk to and trust.

And that’s why you turn out to be everything he didn’t know he’d ever hope for.

Narancia Ghirga

-> Will They, Won’t They?

Giorno is going to start making Narancia pay for his therapy appointments. Abbacchio once made a sarcastic remark about wanting to start drinking again because of this. Mista has given Narnacia approximately twenty three lectures over the subject. Fugo is pulling his hair out.

And really, who can blame any of them?

Having to watch you and Narancia interact on a regular basis is a frustrating experience- to put it lightly.

That feeling only heightened by the fact that it’s something no one feels as though they can even comment directly on whenever you and Narancia are both around. Simply swallowing any words bubbling to the surface.

All this to say, Narancia falls for you quickly and he falls hard.

At first, there wasn't a single complaint to be had from anyone on the team. On the contrary, the others took the time to hype him up with wide smiles and pats on his back.

Narancia himself is excited to be experiencing something as genuinely sweet and grounded as a crush, and that elation was contagious.

But then a couple weeks pass... then a month... then another month... then another....

If the others were a smidge more invasive, they would've just pushed you two in front of one another yelling 'to just get on with it already' months ago.

Specifically Fugo, who actively lets it get to him in a way that Narancia merely huffs at. Sometimes offering a noncommittal response if he feels it’s necessary.

It doesn't matter how much his former tutor gets on his case, Narancia’s not budging. A light blush present on his face when he insists for the hundredth time that there's no way you could possibly feel the same.

Your own friends go through a very similar situation on the other end of things.

Similarly with someone like Abbacchio, the two of you act like a couple far before anything is set in stone. Unlike him, it's less causal and downright mind-boggling to the people around you.

Your legs lazily draped over his lap, going on drives that last for hours at a time, one barely ever seen without the other, and talking about each other constantly.

The latter became so frequent that Giorno once had to pull Narancia aside and tell him to stop mentioning you at Passione meetings.

Narancia has to bit his lip just to stop himself, but he manages. Much to the Don’s relief- never wanting to have that kind of conversation with a friend again.

Giorno cannot and won't try to control him outside of work, though, so it was merely half the battle.

Not that Narancia particularly minds the others' reactions to it very much.

Months into his affections and he's gotten used to the constant stream of teasing. Besides, he lies to himself figures that maybe they're just jealous. He wouldn’t blame them if that’s the case, finding you as special as any person can be.

Regardless of what anyone says, the sweetness is there.

An amusement to be had over how truly clueless the both of you are, despite interacting with flushed faces and stuttering words. It’s sweet, then annoying to the point where it circles around to being funny.

But you and Narancia retreat into your own little world where all of that melts away. He’s loyal, and since you hold his heart, it would be an understatement to say you’re just important to him.

Who will give in and admit the crush first? It's up in the air.

[fairuzfan]

I don’t ask this expecting you have THE answer or that there is one, but I follow a non Palestinian white man on insta (in addition to many Palestinian folks in diaspora and in Palestine) who mostly shares things from Palestinian ppl/sources.

He has several times criticized / shared criticism of charity dinners, music festivals etc raising funds for Gaza with the perspective of, it’s not appropriate to have a dance party or dinner while people are undergoing genocide, but also that in this moment, art isn’t resistance because there needs to be physical resistance, blockades of weapons, etc.

I’ve seen this echoed from some others especially critiquing white folks trying to claim “joy is resistance” right now, which makes sense to me, but i also wonder if it’s reductive to say art or music is not resistance because I feel like it can have a lot of power especially alongside social movements… was wondering if you had thoughts on this or perhaps knew where I could look to learn more.

Please ignore if this is too much, and thank you

I think things like writing and illustration and music feeds into the spirit of revolution and is necessary in that way. You have to energize the masses somehow, and to ensure that your message spreads as far as possible. A good way is to make art, or to sing a song, or write a story.

That's why Wisam Rafeedi wrote his book and different resistance factions make posters and videos — to spread their ideas and garner support among the masses.

It's not as important as putting yourself in immediate physical danger to incapacitate the colonial entity — but I think for Palestinians and other colonized peoples, they do need to make art to really process their thoughts. Of course there's a difference when a Palestinian in Palestine, a Palestinian in the diaspora, a nonPalestinian ally of color, and a NonPalestinian white ally do this. I won't deny that there's a nuance when it comes to this.

But writers who write about Palestinian Liberation historically have been assassinated because of how they participate in liberation actions and also spread ideas of liberation themselves. I don't know which white guy you're talking about but I feel like this is mostly a conversation that should be led by Palestinians if we're talking about Palestine because they understand the nuance of saying statements like "the only resistance is physical." I understand what he's saying to an extent but that does erase a lot of Palestinian resistance the past few decades by making sweeping statements like "art is not resistance" and kind of simplifies the issue at hand.

Charity dinners and galas and that stuff... I don't know what I think about them, I think that people are going to do it either way so my opinion doesn't really matter. Hey, if you're going to raise thousands of dollars for Palestine, I'm not going to stop you at all. I personally think you should try to avoid posting pictures and stuff like that from the gala itself if you're going to host one just out of courtesy.

I guess overall what I'm trying to say, art resistance becomes physical a lot of the time. I think its really reductive to say "art isn't resistance" and also personally insulting considering I have family members and friends who were journalists, creative writers, and artists and killed/targeted for their work.

Here's this article by Fargo Tbahkhi about the role of writing during a genocide that might be a good read. They also mention how Israeli propaganda (calling Palestinians "human animals"/"Amalek" as an example) is specifically a use of culture and writing to energize people to commit genocide. An especially poignant part that I completely agree with, and am trying to get at:

Palestine requires that we abandon this catharsis. Nobody should get out of our work feeling purged, clean. Nobody should live happily during the war. Our readers can feel that way when liberation is the precondition for our work, and not the dream. When it is the place we stand, and not the place we shake ourselves towards. In this way, what the long middle of revolution requires, what Palestine requires, is an approach to writing whose primary purpose is to gather others up with us, to generate within them an energy which their bodies cannot translate into anything but revolutionary movement. This is what Boal modeled for us in his theatrical experiments, which were dedicated to empowering audiences to act, to participate in a creative struggle to envision and embody alternatives. For Boal, theater was not revolution, but it was a rehearsal for the revolution, meant to gather communities together in that rehearsal. Creative work readies us for material work, by offering a space to try out strategies, think through contradictions, remind us of our own agency.  

[theeninthkeye]

Noticing is a Net for Catching Magick: Spiritual Discernment, The Magicians Maxim, and How to Know Who You're Talking to.

Good evening, Tumblr friends! I am back with another old blog repost. This one is a bit longer and perhaps a bit...juicier.

I wrote this one October 17th, 2023, during a very rough patch in my life. I was dealing with a painful schisming of my friend group, which had resulted in me having to move on from some unhealthy relationships. I was feeling angry, let down, and defensive. I had opened up about my faith to someone in this group that I trusted, only to realize the hard way that they were not a safe person to be vulnerable with. It left me open to a bit of mockery, and I wanted to "bite back."

These complex emotions certainly come through in this piece, and some of my language is a bit... spicy. In the spirit of being authentic, however, I choose to repost without changing it too much. This time, I removed an announcement about an art show I was vending at. I think it's important not to alter these TOO much, though. They stand as a testament to how far I've come and how much I've matured.

Overall, I still agree with these takes, even if I presented them in a somewhat aggressive and self-agrandizing way! I implore you, lovely readers, to keep this bit of context in mind as you read.

~~~~~~~

Today's blog is about Spiritual Discernment, the Magicians Maxim, and generally how we can know who and what we are interacting with when it comes to spirits.

The short answer, you just have to get out there and practice. What you read in books will only take you so far. I aim to touch on some ways we can practice this, as well as a few other elements that are not often talked about when it comes to practicing witchcraft- especially when your practice takes you into the realm of Theurgy and other forms of spirit contact.

There is the pervading belief that spirits are either strictly good or strictly evil. As a youth, I was exposed to this line of thinking immediately upon discovering the very concept of spirituality itself. Spirits and Spirituality are bread and butter. In Christianity we see this idea of good vs evil spirits in nearly every aspect of the religion. We also see this in modern New Ageism, what with the rise of alien conspiracies and the like. It would seem you can't have any sort of spiritual narrative without this dichotomy tacked onto it.

....But what if I told you this might not be the case?

Today's entry will definitely tow the line of UPG (Unverifiable Personal Gnosis), I am not trying to change any minds here. I know the idea of good vs. evil in the spirit world is an extremely important belief that gives some folks a sense of purpose. If you're on the CORRECT side of spirit, then the Godhead/Universe will favor you, right? I can understand why people would want to gravitate towards this.... The majority of us like to feel good, useful, justified, and generally not evil.

However, I have always thought this line of reasoning is far too simple. Things in mundane life are rarely that simple, so why must spirit be different?

​Personal Experience

As a child, I really struggled with my gifts. I am a clairvoyant, as is my mother, her mother, her grandmother, and so on. In fact, I get my clairvoyance from both sides of my family. Both my father and mother's lives have been steeped in mysticism and strange happenings. They chose to ignore it (or at the very least acknowledge the existence and stay as far away as possible), but for one reason or another I was not afforded that luxury. In my case, the spirits did not give me a chance to block them out. 

As a very young child I would experience things in the darkness of my room or the stillness of the forest that I did not understand and the adults in my life didn't give me any helpful answers either. There was a variety of responses that was usually along the lines of "ghosts aren't real, you just have an over active imagination". However, once in a while I would be faced with the most dreadful explanation a child in my position could be faced with.... It is the DEVIL sending evil spirits to haunt me and I must pray to God/Jesus for protection.

This declaration felt like spiritual warfare to me, at the time a young child, barely even six years old. I remember being frozen in terror in my bed as the swirling mass of twisted shapes, lights, and faces danced behind my eyes and in the solitude of my room. I remember crying and refusing to sleep in my own room because I knew that if I was alone in the dark, my little body could not stop my spirit from traveling to other places as I slept.

I tried prayer, I tried asking Jesus for help. I never got a response. The cold silence that hung in the air when I would pray to the Christian god was deafening. I tried and tried and tried to get a response, any response, yet it never came. I remember asking myself "What does the Devil want with me? Why has god abandoned me?"

Heavy questions, especially for a child under 10 years of age.

Eventually, I just learned to live with it. I learned ways to block it out. I'd sleep with the lights on and my cat in my bed or I'd go to my parents room. I slept in my parents room until I was nearly 13, out of fear of what lay in wait in the darkness. I also learned not to talk about it, because people just didn't understand. The experiences would happen to me still and I would confide in my mother, yet I still did not understand.

Then, in my 12th year of life, I finally found what I had been looking for. It was late summer, as I recall, when my mother and I had gone to the local Mall for a day out. Eating my french fries in the food court, I look up and see it. A metaphysical shop, full of beautiful statuary and glittering stones in the front window. This place was called the Wishing Realm and in that moment I knew I had to investigate. My mother, being a passionate collector of stones and fossils, happily obliged. We stepped into the store, the tinkle of the bells at the door stirring excitement in me. Although I could not consciously articulate it at the time, I knew deep down I would finally find the answers I sought for in this place.

We browsed the stock and my little mind was blown wide open. There were crystals I had never heard of before, immense statues of dragons and the Gods of my most beloved mythologies, shelves lined with books with titles like "Magick" and "Spellcraft". They even had preserved bat hearts, bones, and feathers. My mom bought me a small crystal that day and the woman behind the counter, with twinkling eye, gifted me a small bag of stones meant for Scorpios-my Sun sign. I could tell from the way she looked at me that she, too, was like me.

I remember looking over my stones in the car and being so excited to return. I hadn't wanted to leave! I wanted to know more, I needed to know more. That night I placed my stones under my pillow and prepared to sleep. Somehow, I was not scared to sleep that night. It was as if something was calling me, I knew I needed to sleep in my own bed that night, in the darkness.

I slipped peacefully into my dreams and found myself back at the mall, everything was exactly the same as it had been earlier that day only now it was dark, the shudders were pulled down in front of the stores. The mall was closed. I remember thinking to myself "How did I get back to the Mall?". It was so vivid, I believed I was actually there. I began walking and I found this hidden corridor that I had never seen before. As I walked, I saw a golden throne at the end of the corridor. A man wearing white sat upon the throne and a woman clothed in a beautiful blue shawl stood next to him. The man's skin was green. He lifted a hand and beckoned me closer. I stood at his feet, feeling as small as a rabbit before him.

He looked at me with dark eyes and said nothing. I offered a small hello and in a thundering voice he told me his name is Osiris. A group of figures moved out from the shadows to make a circle around me. I recognized them all as the Egyptian pantheon, the Gods that weigh the human heart against the feather to allow passage into the spirit world. I had seen them in my mother's art history book.

Osiris smiled at me and told me many things, things which I forgot upon waking, but the one thing I managed to retain was "You are a child of the gods, you are to walk this path".

From that moment on, it became clear to me that these experiences were not just my imagination, nor were they some spiteful devil. This had nothing to do with the Christian god, I was not being punished. I was given a task- a task to seek knowledge and share what I learn. I awoke the next morning and made it my mission to become a witch. The rest is history.

.....So did this actually happen? Is any of this real? Am I insane? Honestly, I can't say for sure! I often times find myself wondering all of those questions, even to this day. I've had phases where I've felt like it's all made up. I've had people tell me its all Satan's lies. I've had people tell me I am psychotic and should be locked up. I've had people tell me the opposite too- that I'm a demigod, that I'm the chosen one, etc. I don't think any of these things are entirely true, but perhaps not entirely false either. I think the truth lies somewhere in the middle. I would encourage you, dear reader, to assume that at least some of this is bullshit because that's the safer option. 

Spiritual Discernment: The Nitty Gritty

Spiritual Discernment is a concept that you've likely heard of if you're Catholic/Christian. It is the ability for spiritual leaders to know if something is God or the Devil, it is the ability to speak for God and pass His message along. Spiritual Discernment is not just for preacher men in the house of the Christian god, however. It is something anyone can possess if they so choose. Some folks are born with it, such as myself, and others have to work to achieve it. Both ways are wonderful and valid, one way is not superior to the other and both ways have their own pros and cons.

Those born with this ability, such as myself, actually have it harder in some ways. The experiences are fantastical and feel so real. This can get in the way and can often times lead the practitioner astray. If you've frequented any New Age communities, you've likely heard of 'Ego Traps' which is when someone gets too wrapped up in their Unverifiable Personal Gnosis to function as a pleasant and well adjusted human. Those who can avoid/work through ego traps, however, can become very skilled in this ability.

Those who must work hard for this ability will often times find themselves doubting. I've seen folks get very depressed, nihilistic, and even bitter about it. It takes regular practice and dedication to rewire your brain for these things. However, when a person finally achieves it, they are usually a lot more measured in their understanding and less likely to fall for their own imagination.

So how can we use Spiritual Discernment? The mundane definition according to Google is simply "the ability to judge well". It's the ability to "read the room" or "take a hint" as well as one's own ability to assess danger. Discernment is a facet of ones intuition, your 'gut feeling'. Discernment is choosing to count your money in the bathroom stall instead of in a crowded sidewalk. It is not telling the creepy man your address, even though he's asking politely. Discernment is being able to realize Karen the 3-D starseed Warrior Woman Acrobatic Yoga instructor in your Facebook DMs is probably not actually a shaman and her over priced smoothie mixes are not worth the money. Being able to read situations, form quick opinions, and conduct yourself accordingly is what Discernment boils down to. This can all be applied to spirit contact.

Spirits are just like people, in my experience, though there are a few things that make them a bit different. In general, however, view them as people with their own personalities and agendas. This applies to all sorts of spirits- Gods, land spirits, angels, demons, deceased loved ones, etc. They are not strictly good or evil, they are all doing their own thing and have their own morals. Also consider who they are associated with. You can learn a lot about anyone by taking a look at who they hang out with.

If you have an acquaintance who's been known to hang around people who gossip, lie, and steal, would you give them a key to water your plants when you're out of town? Probably not.

Same goes for spirits, if you know a spirit is associated with some nasty business, you probably don't want to get wrapped up in what they have to offer.

'Mall Santa Effect'

Something that I feel I must touch on is something author and occultist Jason Miller calls the 'Mall Santa' effect. This is something that I've observed myself. I feel I would be doing a disservice if I didn't mention it, because it certainly clarified some things for me when I learned about it. Hopefully it will be helpful for you as well.

As Miller explains it, there comes a point in every American child's life where we might still believe in the entity of Santa Claus, but we are old enough to know the man in the costume at the mall is not the Santa himself. 

Miller argues the same is said for spirits. In Greek mythology, the Gods are only a single entity and cannot be in more than one place at one time. In the ancient Greek world, the shrines of the Gods/Goddesses were thought to be spots where they resided most often, thus making it easier to get their attention there. 

Personally, this idea resonates with me as I have observed it. Jason Miller goes on to explain that while spirits cannot be in more than one place at a time, very powerful spirits have lesser spirits to stand in for them. The proverbial 'Mall Santas' who put on the image of the powerful spirit, but are more of a stand-in.

Reaching Out and Building A Relationship

Firstly, meditation. You can't get anywhere if you don't meditate. You have to know the fabric of your own mind before anything else. This is because the imagination is our window into this world. For whatever reason, we can't comprehend spirits in their truest and most unadulterated form so our imaginations act as a buffer. This can make it tricky to know where real experience begins and imagination ends. Through meditation you can start to see the boundaries.

Meditation also gives you patience and the ability to observe. It slows you down and lets you perceive the subtle, both within and without. 

Second, JOURNAL. It doesn't have to be a complex journal, just write something down. Keep a record of what happens. Trust me, you will thank me later.

Thirdly, this is probably the most tricky, allow yourself to be open in the moment but seriously question it afterwards. If you question too much as its happening, the experience will stop because your brain will not allow you to perceive it. If you don't question at all, you will get yourself in trouble.

Think of it this way, you shouldn't believe everything you hear right away. If a person tells you fish are made of chocolate, you're going to question it. Do that with spirit contact. 

A spirit might come to you and say something like "Do this spell for me and you will be rich". Question what the spirit has to gain, question if the spell is even possible, question if this is a real experience or just your imagination. Look at it from all angles before proceeding.

Fourth, if you are scared of spirits, start by asking a spirit guide to help keep you safe. Honestly, you shouldn't usually start with this stuff right out the gate. This is more advanced working in that you need to have confidence, understanding, and the ability to handle it. Magick is like working out a muscle. You don't try to deadlift 315 lbs your first day in the gym! Work up to things by learning to meditate and protect yourself.

​Dealing with Unwanted Visitors 

Failure is inevitable. You will eventually fuck up and likely have to deal with some unwanted house guests. It's okay though, the majority of the time you just have to ask them to leave in a firm but polite manner and they will leave.

There are a variety of spells, talismans, rites, and rituals to help remedy this problem as well, so just know it's not hopeless if you find yourself in this situation.

Types of Spirits as I Know Them

This is another one of those completely UPG moments that you can either take or leave. I'm going to do this section in a list format because its easier.

• Deities- This includes the gods of mythology but I would also put other named spirits like spirit guides, archangels, demons, and catholic saints.

• Deceased Human Spirits- This one is self explanatory. 

• Ancestor Spirits- For me, these differ from deceased humans in that they tend to be much more ancient.

• Land spirits- Spirits of the land, plants, animals, and general environmental spirits.

• Egregores- Spirits that arise from collective belief.

• Parasitic spirits- These spirits feed on energy such as our emotions. Not great to have around but not like Hollywood demon movies. Think of them like ticks or leeches.

The Magician's Maxim

 Do you know the Maxim? Many modern witches don't and I think we would all do well to consider it.

The Maxim is Thus:

To Know What One Must Do

To Dare to Do it

To Will it to Be

and To Keep Silent (*with Discernment)

Essentially this means you need to know what you're doing, you need to have the confidence to do it, you need to have a plan on how you will accomplish it, and you need to work on it silently. I add 'with discernment' as a caveat, as I believe there are benefits to sharing this information. After all, I'm writing a blog about it. 

Personally, I find it embarrassing when I see the majority of people on the internet practicing witchcraft. I find it appalling how so many people read one book and decide they are a professional. I find it upsetting that the people with the least knowledge are not only the loudest in the room, but also the folks who have the biggest following. These days, people listen to those who have the best aesthetic and the snappiest tik tok transitions. That's not to say I am the one you should all listen to. I'm not a professional either. What I mean is that it seems no one listens to the spirits, no one listens to the elders. You will learn a great deal more listening to nature than you will listening to anyone on tik tok. Not only this, but posting pictures and videos of your practice CAN and WILL have real consequences. If you want to post pictures of your altar or videos of your spellwork, I can't stop you... but it will change how things work. People do not need to be in your business like that, point blank. I wish folks saw these things as more sacred, but that's just my opinion I guess. I bring all this up because I want to drive home the point that spirit discernment begins and ends with YOU and YOUR relationship to the divine, other people will generally just complicate things.

To Keep Silent is a very important of our history as cunning folk. Born out of necessity, keeping silent was a matter of life and death literally. Just because society has moved past burning witches does not mean you should just throw this entire tenant out. From a mundane perspective, posting about these things can affect personal relationships and jobs. Religious family members could cut you out (which is not always a bad thing), in America family members could have you locked up believing you're having a mental breakdown (5150). In other parts of the world like parts of Africa and South America, there are still literal witchhunts that take place. That is partly why the majority of witches use fake names online.

From a magickal/energetic perspective, posting these things publicly can affect your magick. Emotions, intellect, and imagination are the seat of magick within oneself. Someone having a strong negative opinion can cause your spell to fail. Not only this, but there are baneful magicians out there. By posting pictures of your altar or tools, you could be making yourself a target for Magickal Attack.

Again, I cannot stop you from doing what you want to do. That is why I add the last part... with Discernment.

That's all for this entry, friends. Thanks for tuning in! If there is something you'd like to see me write about, don't be afraid to reach out!

Until next time

~Sigrid

[banavalope]

Hello, I'm a Homestuck and Good Omens fan and just saw your post about coffee. I came to the Homestuck fandom way late, though, and don't know what the coffee theory was. I was wondering if you'd be willing to share that story from the trenches if it's not too traumatic :)

I'll preface by saying, this all happened near about the time I began to step away from Homestuck, as this was late 2011 to early 2012. My recollection could very well be missing some juicier deets, because I always managed to avoid the worst of it. In all I had a pretty benign time floating about the Homestuck fandom, I'll say that. My knowledge is as a fly's.

If you want the short version: once upon a time, the Homestuck fandom was so stupid it had discourse over the way coffee was drawn in a single panel, because the stylistic choice used to show the way cheap potted coffee has that oil slick sheen on the top Really got the gamerz thinking Gamzee was putting troll blood in the coffee.

The long version is this: this Act was annoying. All the Acts had been annoying, there'd been rather more than six of them so far. The fandom's toxicity was at its most potent, and the main fandom exodus hadn't happened yet. But the stylistic choice brewing on page 4702 of A6I2 suggested a discourse was on the horizon, and it was the size of planet fucking Jupiter.

To understand the affairs of 2011/12 Homestucks, a few things are important to mention: first, nobody enjoyed Act 6. Ask anyone from the tumblr era First Wave, we all agreed that Cascade would have been a better place to start wrapping up the comic as a whole. When Act 6 opened introducing the alpha kids, a whole new plot derivative, and we all realized we'd have to go through the same slog again, that the story wasn't over, the collective exhaustion was palpable. SWATHS left unhappy; worse yet (for some), the alpha kids brought us away from the game of SBURB and the over-aching plot, to instead place our focus on their interpersonal relationships. It was a bad time to take your audience away from a well crafted climax.

Reading it now as a completed work makes this not so bad, because the book is wrote. You can consume it as a finished piece and clearly interpret a through line for yourself, start to finish. Skip it even, if you want. When you've no idea at what time the next update will come, while all the pieces remain necessary to tell the story, any pacing is bad pacing.

Second, while Homestucks are known for many things - all of them cringe - the one that goes overlooked most, in spite of the ripple effect we still feel from it today in every corner, is the sheer amount of over analyzing done to the story itself. Every panel, every inch of every pixel, was a part of a puzzle we all collectively made up. Theorizing was an integral part to the Update Culture era of Homestuck's fandom, that we Figure Out the Story, you had to be the one who predicted what came next. Impressive how none of us came up with some kind of fandom Nobel Peace Prize, for how much we lauded it as a lifetime achievement.

I'll give you, Homestuck does have a very rich narrative. Much of it, I'll favor, is even intentional. It made worldbuilding choices captivating enough to get people painting themselves grey, for fun, so surely it had a few right ideas in some places. And there's nothing wrong about analyzing your media, picking apart its references to tie together a background story, even if it's just one you make up based on how you experienced reading it. That's kind of the whole point of consuming art. It's to be discussed, share your personal conclusions on. Theory is the breath of creativity.

It's the whole part about wanting to be right, where Homestucks as a collective force wanted to start eating each other alive on the spot. We were fucking OBNOXIOUS with theory posting. I'll be honest with you, I really ate that kind of thing up, and even I was getting annoyed. People were beginning to stretch, likely to cope with becoming bored.

Finally, the sober Gamzee controversy. This came about a while before coffeegate, but the effect the inciting update had on Homestucks is comparable to a haunting. It was fucking chernobyl, and a bad day to be a nuclear scientist because now it was your problem. Vriska fans - equally insufferable, as we all were by some respect[1] - and Gamzee fans fought with each other VEHEMENTLY, just to see whos gang was better. Keep that in the background of your mind as the theme music to what's playing. Everyone was anxiously wondering what had happened to Gamzee, because for the last several some-odd panels, we'd lost the boy. He was full of murderous intent, we were down to precious few characters on the meteor left, and we'd lost the boy.

So here we are. It's 2011. We're standing now at the end of the world, we've lost the boy for several panels, and finally the plot is trying to move along. We're all tired, and irritated, and divorced, doing this song and dance one more time but god willing the LAST TIME, when a joke about the look of shitty potted coffee gets made.

And some harbinger of the fucking apocalypse takes to tumblr dot com, drafting up a post about how Gamzee - living in the meteor walls - is putting troll blood into the coffee. Because, otherwise, how is Kanaya as a rainbow drinker doing so fine? Dave called the taste metallic, like blood. Something something long forgotten theories about trolls blood here something something. People would chime in to say "that's just how coffee looks", somehow it dissolved into actual discourse of people violently discussing back and forth how it could ONLY BE BLOOD, because coffee drawn in a prior panel UPDATES AGO didn't have the film on top, only now AFTER SOBER GAMZEE. Etcetera. It was just the worst case of reading too hard into something that you done ever did see.

Shortly following this, many people who were already growing exhausted with Homestuck's narrative direction at this point decided to take this coffee theory as their sign the flood was coming and to board the ark or learn how to swim. Anyone who learned to swim subsequently left during the exodus of 2015.

Again, my memory is pretty hazy. Thanks to Requiem Cafe, surprisingly difficult to google these days. Certainly another old still following me will have something more to add that I'm forgetting, as your handy dandy unreliable narrator.

[1] Said the Eridan fan.

[captainkurosolaire]

An Undying Companion

Gale winds of relief blew away the vaporized disastrous fog clearing away allowing the Captain to his rigging aboard and embark. Collecting rubble left aboard noticing Casta’s journal left to them now completely ruined and water-logged scrolling through the pages that defined and she often documented her experiences and often wrote about him in a Tale. He felt such guilt, rumors of many librarian’s beliefs; that you can often tell much about how a person treats their books. Though it wasn't his keepsake in a particular way, his obligation was to provide security over cherished. Luckily knowing the source-material helped. Working with his old skills of forgery and actual genuine experiences began piecing together a new journal for his dear Crewmate’s hopeful return in extra commentary and more heartfelt personal. During his ship-voyage, believing alone going forth for a while, maybe forever onward, this would keep him sane. Below his cabin a noise was heard below sounding of barrels and storage in the hull being rummaged through. Sharp ears shooting up, “A stowaway, again? Seven Hells! Or is this one another ghost? I pray it's a bewitching company ov’ ever bountiful desire.” Quite alarming how common this was but knowing his fortune it’s probably the eighteenth assassin, maybe was him going crazy from detoxing away from his substances. Down-below in the bowels, lights were still damaged absent from the last-fight, making things rather gloomy. Within the corner hearing a chewing of meat to bone. He stayed vigilant before kindling a match to ignite a belt-lamp bringing forth the light to his shadow-invader. Pupils flared-disbelieved opening widely, tearing up but never releasing the valve, his fingers fidgeting, before his lips curved in unadulterated; happiness. 

Disobediently a crewmate went against his Captain’s words to split for the Summer, or disband knowing internally quite closely his leader. Undying loyalty stood up with cackling chains chewing on a former rabid chocobo’s dismemberment head chewing through the grates of his mouthguard messily eating eye-entrails like mortal’s spaghetti. The resident ghoulish horror on his Crew departed but struggled akin to a hound. With understanding Captain’s true intent or wishes of him disappearing, knowing somewhere Captain faintly, didn’t really desire to separate from his Crew in the slightest but did it to safeguard the traitorous attacks. 

Witnessing the ship depart as Captain faced the traitor to reveal itself in confrontation. Couldn’t stop staring back, his intent was obvious; follow. Until the wise Zieton, Elezen observed before encouraging the creature of accursed fright, “You’re going to go after him, huh? Good. Guess I’ll tuck this aetheryte shard in your pocket I conjured, find yourself in peril, or catch-up with danger notwithstanding our agreed reconvening before the foreseeable Moons, I’ll know.” Waving off and walking none of this verbiage seemed like it was processing to a gluttonous creature who seemed to have its animalistic imprint to a degree, committed to repaying his unholy existence. Two others of Crew’s company sent him off for success, Slafhota who was to be a guardian for him had a strong-sense of emphatically knowing beings and creatures, sweetly asked the Ghoulish to not stray away or become consumed by his hungering ways, trained and conditioned to eat ill and spoiled flesh, that which was diseased, or in some cases, the absolute worst. Individuals that played farce to being monstrous those who sharpen teeth to the softest skin. Whilst the peculiar, bubbly personality, Viera, Whyte energetically added, “I want to go too! …But catching up with a ship seems like an awful lot of work. Instead, I’m going to do what the Captain said and find something that brings me fulfillment so I can come back and bring him joy with what I learn! Maybe go shopping too with Me-Me! And-and! O~ Anyway maybe you can track him with this friendship bracelet Captain made with seashells. If it doesn't help snuff him out maybe help you know we’re all with you.” She wrapped it on the ghoulish Xaelaen’s horn. No-signs of amusement from any of them but a fiendish growl. Just glad silence came after they were done. Stoically rushing off following the coastline chasing the sea-vessel in the distance. Encountering multiple ravenous beasts, things proving as obstacles, but cut-through all them, ate them whole with consuming eagerness until using the little hunting in him, spatial perception and enhanced hearing brought him to a mission success.

A rare occurrence of disobedience being accepted Captain couldn’t escape a smirk, the amount of humane emotions urging out of him was defeated by something as detestable, devilishly foul, but it felt so authentic. It brought a realization and revelation just how different things were now, Captain perceived things were returning to him losing everyone or something all-over again, but karma perhaps for the recent event, seemed to be returned instantly. Signs of hope and jolly.  “Mate this is gonna require a celebration. I’m glad ye came back. If certain, then we’ll sail this ongoing black together. Plenty of stuff I could use to help in fixin’ up ‘ere. I’m going to need t’ drink-jollies until I’m o’ alabaster white-dead-to-right in complexion, near my grave like ye appear my grim’n’crim lad! But ye make me feel entirely otherwise ~ alive.” Though it wasn't ever vocally echoed back, the ghoulish ink sclera, blood-viciously sanguine hues absorbed, no doubt constantly observing things in powerful details, deciphering and puzzling together; anything with intent, with heartbeats, their expressions slightly shifting and moving. Whenever its curse or affliction showed reprieve, all this would prove to be a pandora’s box, of unbridled importance to determine a genuineness of his nature. A deadly-sounding shriek snarled out as the Xaela was uprooted off the floorboards in a ferocious bear hug of impressive degree before lowered. Captain confessed, “That’s how one typically shows their fondness n’ greetin’s to a fellow-lad. That or they get a bit more raunchy or share n’ some adultery with company or another, but that can be a lesson in another dawn-break. I’m sure you’d be quite popular as a courtesan, t’ them, I’d reckon you’re an exotic specimen.” Startled the godless fright look paralyzed and confused before finally motioning back, seemingly understanding the motive behind Captain’s first sentimental words, he grabbed the Seeker and tossed him overhead with a overzealous amount of strength, thinking it came down to power to determine who dominantly cared more about their treasured friends. Bearing that in mind, he’d surely kill them; win if required. The competitiveness of the Xaela still swelled in that bloodstream. Captain let out a painful howl until colliding into a bunch of barrels crashing. Stricken dazed seeing stars before shrugging it off, “...Ow.” Folded up like an accordion, before recomposing with a heartwarming boisterous laughter and treating this as a challenge to Captain approved, “Alrighte toss’n’ me round’ like the cheapest Eorzean whore?! I wouldn't gone that far, that's comparable to wrestlin’ but I respect yer spirit! Aye… Y’know let me repay that n’ full.” Crackling each knuckle and popping his neck committed to spare, back and forth they’d beat the brakes off another, tossing the other around, punching each other until what should’ve been a common-hug shared became near physical brawls anytime they’d come across another until swelled bones, bruised aches and nearly breaking their bones on each contact putting iron sharpens iron into their bond that was forging. The Worldly Finder teetering slightly through ebbs and flow, piercing through smashing waves partaking off to the Far East where his Father awaited who could finally provide the answers to his Seeker in a Son. A new-waving flag ruffled through trifling breezes.

[Prev:Chapter]: Fog x Quest ~ ♪"The Curse"♪

[pridepages]

Intimacy

I finished Infinity Alchemist by Kacen Callender. I have thoughts...

Here there be spoilers!

People crave closeness.

We can pretend all we want that we're just fine alone, but some part of us is always calling, reaching out, yearning to clasp hold...

So why is it so incredibly fucking hard?

How is it that we spend so much of our lives trying and getting it wrong?

Maybe it's because intimacy is alchemy.

Books have a way of getting in our heads, and that's what happened when I read Kacen Callendar's Infinity Alchemist. It felt like the right way to start the school year, considering "the original spark of Infinity Alchemist was rejection...specifically, the rejection of trans people by another author who wrote about a magic school."

Okay, sign me up. I'm here for trans magicians, or as we call them, alchemists. Ash Woods, our transman protagonist, is out to prove his credentials in a world that gatekeeps magic.

He crosses paths with nonbinary icon Ramsay Thorne, an alchemic prodigy with a dark past. Ramsay agrees to illegally teach Ash alchemy in exchange for help on a quest: to find the fabled book of the source and thereby restore the Thorne line's good name.

If Ash is the courage, and Ramsay the brains, all we're missing is the heart. Enter Callum Kendrick, the military brat with a heart of gold. Together, they'll save the world...and fall in love with each other.

Yes, all three of them.

I'm not going to spend anymore time on the plot. Boy meets companions, grows into his powers, achieves grand destiny...I've seen it all before. What really got my brain spinning was the polyamory.

Look, I'll be the first to admit that's not usually my thing. I just didn't get it. I couldn't really understand how three people could share their hearts, their bodies, their trust in ways that left no one wanting and everyone enough.

But, then, I've struggled to share my heart with one person.

I've been away for a while. And part of that was getting caught up in meeting someone new. Someone I wanted to share the parts of myself I've kept behind glass. So I gave my heart away in little pieces, hoping she would treasure them...

It took me a while to figure out I wasn't getting anything back.

Every time I'd try to get closer, I got pushed away. At first, I accepted that. Because boundaries need to be respected. Because I figured she just needed more time...

More time didn't solve anything. And when dared to ask for more than crumbs of affection, I watched her brush all the little pieces of my heart off her hands. All my insecurities were thrown in my face. My feelings, my concerns, they weren't listened to.

“Do You often make a habit of telling people what they think and how they feel?”

When Ramsay called Ash out, I had to stop. Put the book down.

Because I got it.

This is what I'd missed.

For so long, I thought intimacy meant sharing my body, my trust, and my time. While they are all parts of it, they're not enough. They need one last alchemical spark--

Intimacy needs connection.

Ash figures this out reflecting on a lackluster sexual encounter: “he still had emotions and thoughts that were his own, separate from his friend’s—and in a way, that was what made the experience even more uncomfortable and unsatisfying.” The key is the distance, the separation. “Though Ash and Tobin had shared a bed and touched each other’s bodies, Ash had still closed himself off emotionally. He still hadn’t felt safe enough to be vulnerable.”

But vulnerability is terrifying. The word itself means making yourself weak.

In the real world, we don't have magic to bypass human limitations. Ash and Ramsay are able to commune on a spiritual level. Unable to edit, they cannot hide behind pretense or omission. They cannot fumble words or misunderstand. They see each other's memories, dreams, hopes, fears, and ambitions. They experience each other firsthand.

Without the ability to see into someone else's heart and mind, we have to take the risk. And what if you choose the wrong person?

Maybe that's part of why monogamy is so persistent.

I'm not trying to downplay the social forces of economics, religion, etc in creating and forwarding the narrative of One True Love. But as society has evolved, monogamy has become less and less necessary.

So why is polyamory still so rare?

Well, what if it's because making yourself vulnerable to one person is scary and the idea of being that open to more?

Terrifying.

But what if we stopped thinking of it as weakness?

“It isn’t as if we should only feel attraction and love for one person,” Callum points out. “I’ve never understood it, this expectation that people should only love one other at a time…Energy is infinite, and love is energy, so love has the potential to be infinite, too.”

In a world where most people have more than one partner over a lifetime, we've already debunked the idea that love is limited to one. So why not more than one at once? Love is not just infinite--it's multidirectional.

Look, I'm not saying it's for everyone.

But if you're willing to leave your heart wide open--

Well, you never know how much room you have until you start letting people in.

[nobleriver]

Based on a post I saw in the River Song tag I've come to the conclusion that, not for the first time, the world really is designed around restraining a woman's sexuality. But more importantly, it comes down to the whole world is pretty much designed around reigning women in. Abortion laws, grown women banning books because they see any little thing as "porn". Women being taught that it's their responsibility not to get raped. Men can sleep around cause they are guys etc. I love a good period piece or any time era where the couple is not looking outside their relationship for their sexual needs. Some of my favorite stories in fact. I also don't see a problem with River being just as in love with The Doctor without any of the relationships that have been brought to light in the show being condemned as source of tragic heartbreak to make sure we know that as a woman she can't possibly have enjoyed herself unless she was enjoying her sexuality inside and exclusively from her marriage.

Yeah I think I enjoy your insights that's why I keep writing to you.

Aw, thank you! I enjoy answering your questions. In this case, I agree with what that person wrote.

Do you remember the minisodes - First Night/Last Night - that showed the Doctor and River’s honeymoon? In those scenes, River confesses she believes the Doctor brought someone else on their honeymoon, not knowing the other women were actually future versions of her. That means for decades, since the beginning of their marriage, River has been convinced she was just one of many on her own wedding night, that the Doctor was with someone else. So no wonder she develops this open-ended approach to marriage, her heart was broken on her wedding night. It’s played off for laughs, but you see the real pain in THORS.

Fidelity, or the lack thereof, is an issue of character and psychology, not sexuality. I know plenty of people who love to have sex who would never step outside of their marriage or engage in sexual activity with anyone besides the one that they chose to commit themselves to for the rest of their life. Oh, I’m certain she was gratified physically, but it’s revealed in the same episode she was not satisfied emotionally. So I believe that person is correct to attribute her extra marital relations to her psychological state at the time. Especially because in the seven years we knew River, we had not seen or heard of her having other partners on the side. Her loyalty, love, and devotion to the Doctor has been one of the defining forces behind her character motivations since her introduction.

So if that’s her character, if being with the Doctor is her greatest desire (6.01), if loyalty is her core trait, then why is she suddenly being disloyal to the doctor behind his back in THORS? The doctor was surprised to find out Hydroflax was the husband in question: “That’s your husband? Not anyone else?” Ramone just added insult to injury. Though delivered in comedic form, the Doctor’s jealousy was front and center, and then, he becomes hurt. Where is the devotion? Where is the River he thought he knew? The one that would sacrifice time itself to save him? All of these extra marital relations are coming out of left field, blindsiding the audience, leaving the question: who is the real River?

But then, in the climatic scene, Moffat reveals River is in a state of pain. To believe your husband does not love you back is painful. That cannot be ignored. Though I wish Moffat had left it as a headcanon, I begrudgingly accept, for most of their marriage, River believed they were married in name only, that the Doctor did not love her back. Now it makes sense why this character who has been designated for years as one of the most loyal characters in the Doctor’s life is suddenly found in a position of disloyalty. That is a painful psychological state to subsist in for decades. One can’t put all that trauma in a bubble and think it has no influence on her sleeping with all these other people.

One also has to take into account River’s history. Like her mother, River has survived a lot of trauma. She suffered child abuse. She was trafficked as a child soldier. She dealt with a lot of neglect, torture, and abandonment. When it comes to people who have that kind of trauma, you can’t just casually love them; you have to be intentional with your acts and words of affection, so they can trust the love is real. You have to drill through all those years and layers of trauma and abuse. I love you. I love you. I love you. The Doctor didn’t drill all the way down, so he was inadvertently causing her further pain. She was falling deeply in love with him while believing he felt nothing for her because he wasn’t expressing his love in a way she could understand or trust.

But once the Doctor realizes what’s going on, he proceeds to shatter that misconception until nothing’s left: “Hello Sweetie.” “Not one living thing is worth you.” “There is a Song.” “24 years.” The fact she was able to be with the doctor for 24 years, that she was able to leave all those other relationships behind and it just be him and her, and River be at her most satisfied? That tells me all I need to know, that those relationships were symptoms of an unchecked broken heart in a woman who didn’t believe she was in a marriage that was real.

[positivlyfocused]

The False Truth The Bible Makes Christians Believe

Some Christians will dispute this, but the Bible itself seems clear on the issue: God hates gays. At least that’s what Christian evangelicals will tell us. As does the Bible. I mean, it’s clearly stated many, many times throughout the “good book”.

But does god really hate gays? Or is something else afoot, like human error?

I’ve always seen the Bible as something other than the word of god. It can’t be the word of god because god didn’t write the Bible. No matter how a theologian will try explaining it, god did not pen the Bible. Man did.

This post is about a new documentary I watched. It’s called 1946: The Mistranslation That Shifted Culture. The film takes on one of the biggest bombshells Christianity dropped on humanity and the massive destruction that bomb created.

Well, not really “Christianity”. It was “some Christians” who dropped it. The problem is, what they dropped shaped the world we see today. One where a lot of Christians don’t act very Christian. One where a lotta Christians persecute LGBTQ people, believing they’re doing “god’s work”.

Let’s dive in.

The original intent was pure

The film is great. It offers extremely compelling evidence supporting its contention. Its contention is the white, presumably straight, men who translated the most popular versions of the Bible got it wrong when translating two critical terms. While translating the Bible from Greek to English, they conflated those two terms to mean “homosexual”. Then, publishers used that conflation to fill the entire Bible with the word “homosexual”, thus creating the weaponized version many evangelical lay persons and their leaders use to condemn LGBTQ people today.

The difference that conflation created sent human civilization on a totally different trajectory than if that translation error never happened.

Not only does the film offer proof, it offers proof that’s extremely compelling. Turns out 20 white men in 1946 were translating the Bible from Greek. I believe all these men were theologians. It’s clear from factual examination of these men’s own notes that their intentions were pure. After the conflation happened, however, another man saw the group’s translation. This other man happened to also be a theologian.

But something else about this guy made him the perfect person to get involved: he also was gay. And he also was a pastor. 

This person wrote a letter to the group. He urged them to reconsider the conflation. What’s amazing, given today’s Christian perspective on gays, is the group’s leader was super interested in this guy’s opinion. The two exchanged extremely cordial letters about the conflation. In the end, the group leader agreed with the gay pastor: the translation was wrong.

^^A question that can change the world. From the film's website.

Sacrosanct words meet politics

However, our process-driven society amplified the problem. Some years would pass before revised translations could get published. In those years, publishers published two other versions of the Bible. Those versions contained the mistranslation.

Then Billy Graham and Jerry Falwell popularized those translations. Right about this time, Ronald Reagan became president. Politics and Christian values birthed the Religious Right. And that was all she wrote.

Needing a foil to keep Christians agitated and engaged, the Politicized Religious Right focused on gays as “the enemy”. Right around this time AIDS happened. AIDS was the perfect example of homosexual depravity. The Religious Right claimed AIDS was divine retribution for homosexual sin. Momentum took over from there.

This explains why, today, the Bible contains the word "homosexual". Accurately translating those two words would put the Bible in a completely different standing on gay people. The documentary offers undeniable proof about this. Unless you believe the Bible is the word of god.

And yet, many Christians will not consider this proof. Even though it comes directly from the men who did the translations. Again, many Christians believe the book is the word of god. It is therefore infallible. They don’t consider these words the words of man, translations prone to error.

The power of belief and momentum

The film maker’s family shows how powerful belief in the book as the word of god can be. The film maker is lesbian. Her father is an evangelical pastor. He swears the Bible is the word of god. As such, he believes what the Bible says about homosexuals. Even when presented with proof documentarians found, he’s unwilling to budge. It’s the word of god, he says. End of story.

Not only does this pastor’s example show how powerful Christian belief is, even when it’s based on distortion, it also shows how powerful beliefs in general are. Beliefs and momentum literally create our realities. So many Christians believe like this pastor does. Other pastors believe this too. And they pass that belief on to their flock, using oratory fire and brimstone, thereby creating even more fervent believers.

And so generations have believed this false truth as truth. Generations of congregations and generations of Christian leaders too.

Even some gay Christians find themselves believing. They can’t reconcile who they know themselves to be with what their religion tells them. Indeed a central figure in the film is another theologian. Like the pastor who challenges the conflation, this central figure is gay. At one point, inner conflicts drove him to nearly kill himself. In the film he says his life is significantly diminished compared to what it could be had the Bible not been translated the way it was. He claims the Bible destroyed his ability to form intimate bonds with people.

Our beliefs matter. They literally shape reality. Some literally shape society and culture. They are nottrifling matters. Decades have passed with many tragedies happening because of this one translation error. A translation error picked up and weaponized by fanatical politicians as well as religious fanatics.

There’s hope

And yet, this documentary can potentially alter our future. I’m holding space for it to reach those who can do something about this egregious sin perpetrated by so many who have come before us. So many claiming to be Christian.

I also hold space for people to watch the film. Some of it is hard to watch. Especially interactions between the film maker and her father. I know after his transition, he’s going to be shocked when he discovers how wrong he was.

And yet, I must offer both the father and the film maker kudos. Despite this enormous difference between them, they maintain a relationship. One seemingly based on love and….tolerance of one another….if not outright acceptance. That’s not something I could do.

I prefer a life where life is peaceful and joyful. People with gross distortions, such as the film maker’s father, don’t appear in my life.

I like it that way.

Whether you’re Christian or gay or otherwise, watch this film. It’s powerful.

[adonis-koo]

All of the asks that didn't get responses were from the very first few chapters. Maybe 1-5. It would have been late 2022 or early 2023 as that's when I binge read it. I looked at Wicked's masterlist, and I found the story around Chapters 14/15 I think. It was around the time of them training her to fight and the fight itself. I remember you responding to the ask that I sent in shortly after JK and OC got together (I can't remember the chapter number). I asked if the story was winding down now that the two main leads were together, and you replied no that it still had a ways to go. I don't think there is a way to see what asks I've sent in. I wish there were. Tumblr eats too many asks. It would be nice to have them saved in a place so they can be resubmitted.

I don't review anonymously. I always put as much thought as I can possibly put into my review, and I stand by everything I say in my reviews 100%. So I feel no need to review anonymously.

I don't think it's entitlement to ask for interaction with your readers. I think it's just nice to have readers that want to interact with you as a writer. That's why I said there is nothing better to me than when a writer wants to talk to me about their work. I've made a few writer friends on tumblr and they've bounced ideas for their stories off me several times. I always give my honest opinions on their ideas. I like interacting with them. But I do also agree with you on the part that you do this because you chose to. Because you like doing it. And interaction can't be demanded. Is it nice to receive it, yes. But it shouldn't be mandatory to leave a review on everything you read. Sometimes I read something that I really enjoyed, but I don't have anything to really say about it in a review. I'm not the type of reviewer to just say "oh this was really great, I loved it." You'll never see me do that type of review. lol When I review, I like to write book length reviews, and to write a book length review, I need to have a lot of thoughts and feelings on what I read. Some stories/chapters, I just don't have a lot of thoughts and feelings on, so it's hard for me to leave a lengthy review. So I just choose not to. Doesn't mean I don't like it. But I do always leave a like at the very least, and sometimes a short comment.

I always tell writers to write for themselves. I know it's an overused expression, but it's true. As long as you like what you wrote, then nothing else matters. It doesn't matter if 2 people reviewed it or 100 people. The important part is whether you like it. Some writers on tumblr are happy with 50 likes and a couple comments. Others want 2,000 likes. There's nothing wrong with either option. The writer just needs to figure out what level of interaction they're satisfied with. If they don't hit that, they shouldn't be disappointed. It doesn't mean their work isn't good.

I completely understand what you’re saying, I don’t really have much to say myself though. Other then I think I’m just in a really weird slump and already struggling with other things, writing use to come so much easier to me when I was younger, but the older I get the more it becomes a mental chore, which I hate! Because I still love witting and I always will.

I’m sure we have all read fics at some point and not left a review, I think it’s inevitable, but my vocalizing was directed at people who are avid readers, who do binge read an insane amount of fanfiction and have nothing to say, even if they thoroughly enjoyed it, I’m just venting personal frustration because at some point when you know you have thousands of people reading, it’s disheartening to see.

But I do chose to write for myself, I have been a big advocate of this advice my entire stint as a writer; but it doesn’t make taking it any easier, especially when it has been years of continually being disappointed and having to repeat it, there is no right or wrong way to want something. I guess for the longest time I just didn’t understand why writers retired from this website.

But I’m almost at that point myself now, and I fully understand the way they felt and their love of writing slowly fading, at least in this context. Anyways I do appreciate your words and your thoughts! Thanks for reading and supporting my blog because I truly do appreciate it

[erin-bo-berin]

Couple of things in response to your anon queries over the last few days:

- Joe’s playing a prominent recurring character in Fargo. He’s Gator Tillman, the son of the main character, corrupt sheriff Roy Tillman (John Hamm). You’ll be getting more than one episode, don’t worry about that! Also - and I’m sorry if you already know this, but just to clarify- it’s not set in 2019, not the old west. I think people got the cowboy idea because Noah Hawley wrote an (excellent) article for The Atlantic called “It’s High Noon in America,” which was both a political commentary, and a reflection on how entertainment contributes to issues like distrust of authority by creating heroes who go against the system etc. In it, he shared a sample of S5 dialogue between Roy and Gator, which mentioned “high noon”:

Gator: “I swear to God, him versus me, man to man, and I'd wipe the floor with him.”

Roy: “What, like high noon? That only happens in the movies, son. In real life they slit your throat waiting for the light to change.”

I mean, Joe might still be playing a cowboy-ish type character if he works on a ranch I suppose? But as far as I know, there’s nothing to suggest that’s the case.

- Joe is well positioned to have a great career after ST ends. I’m a bit puzzled as to why anyone’s concerned for him to be honest! Free Guy was very well received and many reviews specifically mentioned Joe’s charm and his lovely chemistry with Jodie. One critic even said - and I quote - “Joe Keery proves he’s going to be just fine when Stranger Things ends.” Add to that, although Spree was controversial, it was still received more positive reviews than less glowing ones (thanks, tomatometer), and even negative reviews of the film praised Joe’s performance.

So that’s recent history. Looking at his current work, he has two films in the can, is currently filming Fargo, then starts Cold Storage, and then in 2024 goes back to filming ST. The guy is as busy as an actor could hope for. Going forward, even if none of the films make an impact (and that’s a big ‘if’, because I suspect Cold Storage at least is going to do very well), Fargo will raise his profile even higher than it already is.

Oh, and then there’s his music. We all know he’s genuinely talented in that regard, and so do the critics. But he’s deliberately flown under the radar with it, and so many people are missing out. Djo doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page for crying out loud. Maya Hawke, who has less than a third of the Spotify listeners Djo has, has a wiki page for each album! No hate for Maya - her stuff’s not my thing but it’s cool. I just think Joe’s music manager (who’s different to his acting one) is sleeping on that front.

Sorry for the Joe Keery essay. I’m just a huge supporter because he’s so talented, and is also genuinely lovely. People who’ve worked with him want to do it again, in large part because of his personality. We know the combination of those traits is what changed the trajectory of his character in ST, which was a remarkable thing in of itself. David Harbour, Brett Gelman, and Kevin Pollack have all pointed out how unusual it was, and praised both Joe and the Duffer Bros for it. It’s kind of refreshing to see someone in Hollywood getting rewarded for being a decent person, in addition to having acting abilities.

Joe deserves every success. Long may it continue!

Oh wow thanks for all the info! I’ve never seen Fargo but man I will happily watch it to see him in it.

I’m so excited for him in Cold Storage. I ended up reading the book after someone on here told me it was actually a book first and Joe is just gonna nail the character. Teacake is such a loveable dork lol

I agree though! He’s been doing so good even without ST fame. He’s gotten some big projects coming up and a handful at that. Also his music to keep him busy too and it really is such a shame that his music is so underrated because his music really is so good 🥺

[saltintheseaa]

The Sparrow, a review:

My main issue with this book is it assumes the colonialist white savior mindset which approves of the missionaries’ morals as pure, and suggests that God’s inexplicable betrayal was the only reason Sandoz fucked up so badly. The book implies that were it not for God choosing to torment Sandoz, the alien mission would have gone smoothly. But that is soooo not the case.

First- the alien anthropology in this book is too shallow. The book and the missionaries themselves assume they know everything about the Runa. Apparently, the Runa are just naturally less intelligent and can’t be interacted with as humanity’s equals. But that’s exactly the wrong perspective to approach/describe/create a foreign culture. You cannot establish a hierarchy of dumb/intelligent, primitive/civilized, etc— anything which assumes the superiority of one group over the other. They’re merely different, is all, neither is better or smarter or more moral than the other. You must approach with humility, with the intent to learn, not with the assumption that they are the ignorant ones who must be taught. Because they’re the ones with the knowledge of their world’s moral and social intricacies, not you.

The vapidity of the alien worldbuilding made more sense when I learned that Russell wrote this book because she was asking herself… “What if Columbus had good intentions? What if… Europeans’ rape, pillage, murder and destruction of indigenous Americans in 1492 was good, actually??”

It was never actually about aliens. If you posit that the Runa represent the indigenous peoples of Latin America- part of a long literary tradition of equating POC with animals- the racism reveals itself. The aliens aren’t a real culture. They are a convenient symbol for indigenous people, for the questions Russell is asking herself. Russell is not actually seriously thinking about the indigenous peoples’ perspective. She’s just concerned with the missionaries. The indigenous Americans are not human to her.

Russell is clearly trying to say *something* with race in the book. Emilio is Spanish and Taino, he’s descended from the colonizer and the colonized both. He’s coming to Rakhat fully cognizant of the moral and historical implications of doing so, and he genuinely believes he can overcome that past. It’s also notable that Sofia, whose people were ousted from their homeland by the Spanish, is the crew member who resists the Jana’ata most forcefully.

But again it doesn’t work, in fact it comes across as extremely insensitive because Russell is writing from the wrong perspective. She doesn’t actually understand or empathize with colonized peoples because she still agrees with the missionaries’ goals. She fails to understand that imposing one’s own worldview, one’s own principles, on another person can be an act of violence in and of itself. So, eventually, Sofia’s rebellion just comes across as white savior-ism.

But! Despite everything I just listed, I liked this book. A lot. First, I really appreciated Russell’s writing style. It’s simple but full of clarity, and in intense moments it becomes astonishingly lyrical and poetic. I will not forget the sentence “I stood naked before God, and I was raped” for a long long time.

Secondly, the central question of the book is so fascinating. What if the principles you live by, your personal creed that saved your life and enriches your spirit and has let you do so much good, the essence of all the goodness in your soul— what if that beautiful life-saving morality became the weapon which causes unbelievable pain and destruction, for both yourself and others? What if your moral truth is wrong? What a terrifying possibility to confront. What an impossible truth to swallow. Especially when a messianic figure must ask himself that question— what are the answers except nihilism or madness?

In this way the reader’s faith is also tested. Will their belief sustain itself under this question?

Unfortunately that central question is weakened by the fact that Emilio is not approaching with pure intentions. Because Christianity and Catholicism and missionaries have an objective in mind— conversion— which inevitably corrupts their interactions with the aliens.

At the end of the book, the Father General posits that Emilio’s suffering has brought him even closer to God— that God may be that wisdom gained from disillusionment after unimaginable trials of pain. After all of one’s beliefs and morals have been stripped away, God is what is left. (The Aeschylus quote summarizes it better than I did.) That conclusion would be so much more convincing, though, if Sandoz’ mistakes hadn’t been so obvious. But because, again, Russell is writing from the wrong perspective, the Father General’s conclusion rings hollow.

The actual, accidental moral the story presents is: Please learn more about indigenous cultures and societies before forcing your own beliefs upon them. Never assume you know better than they do, refrain from action until you’ve learned as much as you can, and accept the knowledge you are given.

Also— if that is who God truly is, then why should we worship him? What is so good about God that justifies Emilio’s unimaginable suffering? There’s a frightening and deeply sinister and almost insane logic in Christianity, based on their idea of Heaven, that the end justifies all the means. (Rather than a reward for a virtuous life, it seems that the idea of Heaven became the Catholic Church’s justification of inequality and a tool to keep peasants and colonized peoples complacent.) Regardless of that digression— I disagree. There’s nothing inherently beautiful about suffering, and any faith which believes that such suffering is necessary to achieve divinity is really just desperately trying to rationalize that suffering. To say, It was worth it, because Heaven awaits. But sometimes pain is just pain. It doesn’t bring you closer or further away from God. It just is. Perhaps God lies in that realization, that acceptance, that resignation? Or is the Father General correct, and there is something in that divinity that really does justify all of Emilio’s pain?

But— even still— The Sparrow was a great first read. Wanting to know what happened, what caused Emilio’s downfall, and my mounting slithering horror as I approached closer and closer to the truth— genuinely impactful, genuinely memorable. And I really loved Emilio as a character, both before and after the mission. Russell’s writing made me feel so much compassion for him.

The flaws of this book are the same flaws inherent to Christianity and Catholicism, which is an impressively incisive achievement even if it wasn’t intentional. I don’t regret reading this book, and I will be thinking about it long after I post this review.

[fuckyeahilike]

Three years ago Ben Shapiro was, memorably, interviewed by Andrew Neil. By manner of introduction let it be said that both are racist, fascist climate change deniers. But Ben is really, really fucking stupid whereas Andrew... is not.

Ben had just published a book about how stupid he is, and Andrew interviewed him, i.e. he did his job as a journalist for the BBC, asking him what Ben meant by the things he wrote and challenging him on his "ideas", so that viewers at home could get the general picture of what the book is about. Ben is a fraud so this sent him into a spiral of infantile insecurity, until he finally just walked out in a huff, unable to cope with a human interaction with a non-groveling adult.

It was so much fun to see that even Socialists, who have no love for Mr. Andrew Neil at all, could not help but congratulate him for his services to the cause.

But that was Ben being torn apart. You can enjoy a bad man being exposed for the disgrace that he is. It's a different matter when history repeats itself only this time with a man you have the utmost respect for, and with good reason.

Once upon a time John Cleese was one of the wittiest and cleverest men of his generation, and he seemed to be by and large mostly right in his convictions, convictions that he was able to express better than most of us. Just for his courage in standing up against organized religion alone he earned reverence and many thanks.

Now he is an irascible elderly man who, just like Ben Shapiro agrees to grant the BBC an interview on the book he wrote about being a fascist, only to berate that same interviewer for asking him relevant questions, because questions are not groveling and groveling was all that he wanted... so he walked out in a huff.

Look, sir, if you genuinely can't handle hearing contradictory views or attacks on your opinions, the only way is to keep your opinions to yourself. Not that you should or aren't entitled to your opinions, just if you can no longer handle being challenged then don't go on interviews, or stop writing books. But you've got to expect a reaction that isn’t subservient.

Everything is better than watching one of the cleverest and best men of his generation, one who should be able to retort in a smart and emotionally mature way, respond instead like he's Ben Shapiro, the intellectual homunculus.

This is not how I wanted a personal hero of mine to end his days. If this can happen to him it can happen to anyone. We are in the bad place and there's no getting out.

[fairuzfan]

Oh no That's not what I meant. We should feel bad. Because she let us see ourselfs in a story that wasn't meant for us and she just used us. I meant that she only used knowledge shared and discovered by poc to give "depth" to her characters and used us for marketing. But we were never part of the main story. For me it is just as bad. We are just a token that she can use as she sees fit but she will never talk about us. For that reason I remind myself constantly that Suzanne was never on my side. Her story was for her people because in her words, she wants them to "evolve from choosing war as an option." But for us, we are not even allowed to see it as an "option." War is something that others send to our doorstep and we have no say in it.

This is perfectly worded oh my goodness, and I totally agree.

I think in my analysis in the beginning, I saw the similarities of the story and it might have been niave of me to assume that she sympathized and assumed that oppressed people were in the right. But these past few asks and the interview with her really changed my perspective on the story.

I agree, she definitely is using the concept of "war" to imply some moral standing without recognizing exactly how that impacts the people directly affected. I had felt it throughout the story as well but I was willing to excuse it and I'm starting to think that was wrong of me.

Like with the Vietnam War veteran story, she talked about how "worried" she was for her dad... but she didn't mention at all how her dad was pretty relatively safe and dropping bombs on a country halfway across the world. The Vietnamese had no right to resist in her opinion, or at least thats the way it sounded.... and the real sadness, to her, is that she worried for her father when she was six and not that her father participated in a killing campagin. Honestly, it feels like an echo of Israeli logic. What about the people the bombs were dropped on? What about the people in the Iraq war who suffered for no other reason than for oil? What about the people who suffer under oppression?

She used the idea of revolution of an everyday person, who everyone thought was indigenous coded, so that she could paint this story of "war is bad" and that the continued oppression is bad also but you know, it's never ok to start war. I had seen another interview with her about how she mentioned she wrote the books to examine what is necessary to "wage war" and that the people of the districts "had a reason" but the ending doesn't feel like that all the way.

I don't know if you read it but "Against the Loveless World" by Susan Abualhawa, who is Palestinian, also deals with revolution and resisting. Honestly, like, it's one of my favorite books ever even more than Hunger Games (which is going lower and lower by the minute lol) and in that, the book ends with a sense of love that was missing from the Hunger Games ending, which feels a little more moral in its judgement.

You're right, it was intentional the way she used liberation movements to enact a sort of echo in modern history without actually examining who conducts these liberation movements and why. She illustrates Mockingjay as a purely class struggle and neglects to mention how "whiteness" as a concept plays a part in perpetuating that class struggle.

Also the fact that District 11 explicitly has Black people working the fields (which that's a whole problem in itself, that a white woman wrote that in and that she doesnt think they are capable of revolting and owning their own future) means there is ethnicity but she doesn't want to examine the concept of "whiteness" in her book because she doesn't think it plays a part in waging war. Which truly makes it seem senseless like she claims. To me, War is senseless but because there was no reason to oppress to begin with. The war itself is not senseless — there is a purpose, but the events preceeding the war didn't have any other reason than selfishness and greed. That in itself is the really tragic part of war. It's like "I had to lose everything for you to see me as a human and why is that? Why couldnt you respect me before all this?" Collins removes the agency and even existence from the people being oppressed by painting a "war is bad" narrative and not "oppression is bad" one, like you say.

Honestly, I had assumed she wrote in the perspective of Katniss because she wanted to really make it personal in illustrating how indigenous populations suffer greatly under oppression but now with your message of that quote, I think it was solely for selfish reasons where she didn't want to examine the impact it has on people in the modern day.

"War" is not some abstract concept. It is a result of various factors of circumstances. War is terrible not necessarily solely for the war itself, which might be bloody and terrible, but more specifically for the reasons that those wars were waged.

In the Iraq war, it was waged on Iraq for no reason other than the US's greed and the Iraqis paid dearly with their lives. It ruined people even if they didn't die. And what's most tragic is that they are expected to live with the consequences of the US' decision and to move on. The Vietnam War for similar reasons, though not for oil.

The fault should be with the oppressors — not the people whose humanity isnt recognized.

I want to apologize, though, if I hurt anyone with my messages in the beginning, making it seem like I think that you are equal to your oppressors for resisting both in the America's and throughout the world. It was a pretty shallow analysis and I didn't examine the way the biases might hurt actual people.

[teenageread]

Review: Good in Bed

Initial Thoughts:

Holy that novel took a lot out of me, and honestly one I thought I would never finish. Jennifer Weiner sets this novel to be a novel about self-love, where our main character, Cannie Shapiro, a plus-size 28-year-old woman, is going to love herself and know she is worthy of love despite her father leaving her as a child. Which does happen, but goddamn it took a while (aka to the end of the book) to get there, and in the meantime, you had to watch Cannie make the worst decisions at every possible turn, pine over a loser man who probably can’t even tie his shoes (no offense Bruce), and have the most wacko situations work out in her scenario. In this novel, Weiner tells the story in a way like you should be rooting for and loving Cannie, but instead, I find myself rolling my eyes at this impossible novel, and a hated main character who spent the novel being weak, selfish, and the opposite of the screenplay Cannie wrote, because this girl needs to be helped at every turn.

Characters:

Cannie, who is the only first-person perspective you hear from in this story, is a crybaby, who never learned life is unfair, and that you need to love yourself if you expect anyone else to love you. As a character, she is quite witty, smart, and can hold fantastic conversations with others, but her self-deprecation at every turn for her size and the fact that she does not have a boyfriend at 28, really brings the novel down. Any time a character does not agree with her, she does a 180 and says the worst things to them, and then cries about how no one likes her, especially Bruce, whom she broke up with, but Weiner never decides to expand on besides that Cannie was just “done” with him. No one holds Cannie accountable for her actions in this novel, as she is allowed to flaunt, complain, cry, and fight with everyone, and then in the end, it is them who are begging Cannie for her forgiveness. 

Plot:

Honestly, the plot of this novel is so confusing, however, there are some steady themes in this novel that keep the plot going. First is that this novel centers around Cannie's life, so the main plot climax is Cannie realizing she needs to love herself, which happens far too late in the novel. Within this novel following Cannie’s life, there are the dumb choices she makes that bring us mini plot lines that conclude within their own part. Oh yes, this novel had to be that extra and have the story divided into parts. 

Writing:

Speaking of those parts, yes, Weiner felt this book had to be even more extra and divided itself into five parts of Cannie’s life, each featuring its own plot point. Now you would think these parts would be interesting, except Weiner writes them to be dull and with nothing happening, except for the last chapter. The last chapter of each part has some cliffhanger ending, making you want to read the next part, only to find the issue quickly fixed and back to the daily boring schedule of Cannie’s life. 

Conclusion: 

Overall this novel sucks and leaves a bad taste in your mouth, and despite its New York Times recommendation, Weiner writes this story about a victim-complex main star, who thinks everyone else is the problem, makes the worst decisions ever, and has everything work out to her advantage despite not growing to be a better person.

[my-kaylah]

to my Dear Reader,

I want to take a second to have a genuine moment with you, as a person, but through my art.

So many have this idea that writing is something you have to do alone. I don’t agree with that. I’ve never written alone. Even if/when I do the act itself in solitude; I always chatted with people, I was surrounded by friends and family; my art reflects how I feel at any given moment. When I read things I wrote 15+ years ago, I can remember the impactful moments and interactions that really helped shape that era. So when I’m around my support system and I feel good? I make art. When I’m stuck in my head, self-isolating from that support system?? Art is how I reach out and ask for help [and as you know me, that’ll make more sense].

Even when I went through a phase of my life where I wasn’t “writing” I was always being creative or an active audience member. So if I wasn’t writing, I was listening to music or playing instruments; practicing calligraphy; reading books; watching new shows and movies. Content is art, and the internet is so integral to this new budding society [and a big part of my personality].

So they—being the many, the few, the minority, or even just you— may be asking… Why are you even doing this? If you even get this far enough to question me about that, you get a point [you might just be the point]. You inspire a part of me to share! It’s not to prove a point, it’s because you ask such good questions. That inspires ideas in me.

I am turning 25 in July and I’m in a unique generational position; I grew up online—again, a big part of my personality—but I’m a student at heart, with the soul of an artist, and the makings of what is most likely undiagnosed-slash-unmedicated adhd … I feel like I had a point in there somewhere, but I digress.

I believe that, culturally, we’re moving past the academic restraints and restrictions that have stifled creativity. I don’t subscribe to “academic” and “proper” grammar because it’s boring… Both to read and to write. At this point it actively excludes brilliant artists who—on average—don’t have access to the same resources or even quality of material [I might be projecting, whatever. I get told my grammar is horrible all the time… but did you have fun reading it???? Exactly].

On paper, it doesn’t seem like I have the “qualities” and “capabilities” to be hired on. One might argue, I don’t have the experience. By whose standards? Since I could hold a pen long, I have written whatever half-thought-out-not-very-original-thought I had based on whatever new concept I encountered. Soon, those concepts became the influences and a part of my writing style. In a way, reading was a way to safely explore the world, and writing was how I processed what I learned. It would later be the tool I used to express myself to the world.

I started telling stories before I could write… or even speak properly, some aspects won’t change [read: I will never stop talking tbh]. I always give the concrete age 7 as a point of reference for how long I’ve been writing. I always had someone to tell a story to; I'm now the oldest of about 8 kids [give or take a parent or two]. I’ve always written for an audience, even if the audience was myself.

I’ve lived the life of a “trendsetter” for my family, siblings, friends, and generally I’ve always been a source of inspiration for strangers who meet me, too. I naturally network and have a support system of artists from all over the world, from different artistic eras of my life, who deserve a platform to showcase how brilliant they truly are. And all I do is talk too much.

I will be taking the world by storm, and have had 25 years of essentially being a genuine artist as my experience. That’s hard to capture on a resume. Imagine what I can do with you guys, as a 25 year old with 18+ years of living artistically and naturally inspiring others to do so. I may not have the “real life experience” you’re looking for, but wouldn’t you rather mold generational talent into a disciplined force of humanity?

When you meet me? You’ll invest in me. How could you not when, after our initial conversation when you’re already thinking about the ways you could utilize my talent…

You’d be creating art like you’ve never had before… and the only thing you have to do differently? You will create art more purposefully, and will want to hold yourself accountable to doing things with and of quality. I won’t tell you what to do, and I will never take creative licenses away from you; but I can lead and guide through example. If this little essay doesn’t show you that I’m everything you didn’t realize you wanted, and everything you instinctually need. What you describe as a “job”, I do already in my daily life for myself and my friends. Difference is? I just don’t have the platform I need to have the impact I want… yet.

Again, you might not know me (yet), but my ability to connect with people is ingenious. If you make it this far in my baby cover letter… you might just agree. You might just find yourself wanting to take a gamble on me. And if not? That’s okay, cause someone will. And when we meet down the line, I can’t promise not to tell the story of how you guys fumbled me… but what was that about digressing?

[Fun fact: I write one of these specifically catered to each job I have enough faith to want. I believe we could do some groundbreaking work, and revolutionize the industry if you add me to your team. Wait until you get me in person and hear my ideas!]

Honestly, if you ever take anything from what I write/say/do: take away whatever emotions I make you feel when you connect with me and my art. Run with it. It might truly be a reflection of how I feel about you. How you interact with my art is honestly more telling than anything else [how anyone treats “amateur” art that isn’t seen as “classically/traditionally trained in the arts]. Tried and tested theory, worked all my life 10/10 works. The more genuinely you interact with my art, you interact with me. I'm enough of a walking paradox to admit it and be human about it. I don’t have the mastery of my arts yet, but at least I’m learning to exercise and stretching those muscles [read: rights].

And dear reader, duh you! The one who always gets to the end (or even reads the entire thing for extra brownie points)… you know the rest lol