#and thats when shit hits the fan relationship-wise <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Whenever I think about your lights out au. I sometimes feel like somewhere, deep in the building. There is Mrs. Beagle and the Joyful sibling just trapped. They are stuck in a storage room without a key. They have been screaming to be let out for months. No one can hear them, the rest are too far away. (Man I love having silly thoughts) (this is also if they even have puppets lol)

oh actually this is an opportunity about a Theory / Speculative Thing ive been thinking about for months - ive applied it to the au but until proven otherwise im highly suspecting this to be true for The Source

im of the "the joyfuls / ms. beagle / the pillar family / any supplemental characters did not have physical puppets, and only existed in the storybooks, records, animated segments, and other non-physical media" crowd. it makes sense to me for several reasons.

but at least for Lights Out, im making it au-canon that theyre... yeah, not real. they're false memories. just like how none of the neighbors had an actual childhood, they don't have actual family. there is only the nine.

[the-s1lly-corner]

hi! if you're feeling up to it, may i request tadc cast reuniting with the reader after escaping the digital circus? (not sure if caine would work though, sorry caine fans ;_;) tysm! btw, A+ gif choices :>

Reunited! (TADC cast x reader!)

Except Caine <|3 I kept putting this up because I uh uh

Kinda kept forgetting <\3 I'm so sorry anon 😭😭

This ended up more so being what you guys get up to after reuniting in the real world!

Written on mobile!

POMNI:

Sure she may have wanted to escape the digital world... a lot... but she never thought she would actually escape, and with everyone else too..! So that's nice! Imagine her shock when by pure chance she runs into you. More so shocked than anything, but relieved.. she was so tied up from being free again that she didnt realize how much she missed you.. it feels.. weird holding your real body.. but it's not unwelcome!

JAX:

Honestly the hardest thing for jax is to tone down his whole.. asshole thing, because people in the real world arent trapped in a space. Actually it would be this reason that you almost dont recognize him..! Woah jax not being an ass for once? Thats not your man!!!!!

As for feeling stuff... oh boy I think I mentioned somewhere that hes a clingy shit behind closed doors, or maybe that was a hyper specific request.. but get ready to have to carry this dude around for a few hours

RAGATHA:

I know I mentioned this. a few times but I love the idea of ragatha and her partner opening up a little bakery together. I can see her being into baking plus I think it fits her aesthetic; if she didnt get into Doll making and stuff... ponders... tearful reunion for you two, ragatha cant help but get a little touchy when she realizes it's you.. though she awkwardly pulls away and apologizes for that.. please hold her and dont let go

KINGER:

Its.. nice... I already have two teary reunions in this post.. hmm.. I don't think kinger would cry. The way I can describe it emotion wise is when you find an old trinket from your childhood. Nostalgic, maybe? I think he takes the longest to build himself back up to where you guys were in your relationship.. the trauma (which realistically they all have, however I think so far at least its hit kinger the worst), losing his possible wife (queener/queenie), reconnecting with his kids (I hc he had at least one kid!!), ect ect

You guys are going to have to take it slow, you know? I have a second request with this prompt for kinger so imma go more into that there!

ZOOBLE:

Writing this down first before I forget but you guys open up a body mod shop together. Piercings, tattoos, ect ect ect. Idk zooble just kind of gives off those vibes, and I feel like you guys would do that together. You guys move in a.. longish..while after reuniting in the real world and confirming who you are to one another.. it's not so much as zooble wants to make sure it's really you, its more so zooble needs time to get used to the real world again + they're cagey about their space !

GANGLE:

Another tearful reunion, she cant believe it's really you. She really thought that she would never see you again... but you're here..! Similar to jax, shes going to cling right onto you and not let go.. you guys hand out nearly everyday for the next few weeks while you try to sort things out, perhaps quickly moving in together

[suffarustuffaru]

ANON YOURE THE REASON WHY IM SUFFERING OVER ALIEN STAGE NOW AFTER WATCHING EVERY VIDEO ON IT THATS OUT RIGHT NOW ARGHHH YOUVE RUINED MY LIFE ARGHHHHHHHHH THANK YOU BUT ALSO FUCKIKKKK

anyway thanks again anon :3 time to briefly discuss rezero alien stage crossover thoughts :) gonna put under the cut if people dont want spoilers for alien stage :)

ok so like if you wanna keep this similar to the heart of alien stage, aka doomed yaoi and yuri and soul crushing devotion and this interconnected web of interpersonal relationships as theyre being forced to perform and compete against each other as a metaphor for the irl idol industry, then… *pulls out my rezero shipper lenses* tHIS IS HOW REMILIA AND JULIMILIA AND EMISUBA AND OTTOSUBA CAN WIN, I PROMISE. AND BY WIN I MEAN everyone is doomed ;-;;;;;;;;;

anyway like ok you could give people roles here i think. i had to think on this for a bit but you know as always im quite fond of multishipping and smushing together emilia or subaru ships or multiple ships in general into the worlds messiest love trapezoid HAHA. why choose one or the other when you can have all of them at once?? clearly alien stage and rezero agree with me <3 but ok my current thoughts is smth similar to

emilia = mizi

rem = sua

julius = luka

subaru = till

otto = ivan

and i got no clue who hyuna will be and stuff but thats it 👍👍 of course like things are gonna go different depending on which rezero characters you throw into the world of alien stage and how youd translate rz characters into this whole different world, but i think role wise if you wanna stick closer to the canon alien stage plot this is what id go for!! to really capture the codependency <3333 (cries) (sniffles) (sobs violently). if i end up drawing these guys in alien stage outfits its your fault anon (affectionate).

but like rezero is all about that soul crushing devotion and codependency too so this works HAH. here is some quick bullet points on my thoughts:

remilia is a ship that isnt explored in depth a lot but i think it could be interesting. it kinda gives off similar energy to utenanthy from revolutionary girl utena, if you know of them—like theres room to explore with emilia and rem both being closed off in different ways, both having these disastrous events in their childhood that affected their people, both carrying guilt related to things, and rem’s various contrasting personalities of her sweetness but also her self sacrifice and her Coldness, too. rem (and ram) had to warm up to emilia at first.

like remilia would be very sweet im sure, since if theyre romantically involved then they likely got kinda close!! but yes i think remilia has potential in general and putting them as mizisua makes sense in my head HAH. like the mizisua vid where mizi and sua are sent away by their alien owners… where mizi’s more emotional and saddened but curious to see sua while sua’s more dead inside, aloof, bc her owners seem to think of her as an accessory while mizi’s had more affection—it does kind of remind me of the differing upbringings remilia have and their different responses to said upbringing. everything went wrong in their backstories but rem was just There, someone whos told that she wouldve been dead a thousand times over if not for ram, and emilia was so dearly loved before shit hit the fan. emilia tends to be the one to anxiously try to be kind and hold desperately onto every nice interaction she can get; rem’s more distant and guarded. that sort of thing!! and suas shown later to open up to mizi and be goofy too ;-;;; feels very rem to me.

julius as luka and emilia as mizi fits in my head for round 5 tbh!!! like if you subscribe to the theory that luka may not be as evil as he looks, especially with the existence of the luka sweet dream cover, then this makes sense.

luka is a previous winner, a famed “golden boy” so to speak, loved by the masses but still under the same terrible idol system, and is hinted to be Generally A Bit Unwell either way. if its true that hes not As Bad and Also Very Trapped, then round 5 is a necessary evil for him to provoke mizi into attacking him so then the human resistance (hyuna) can step in to pull her out. im a big lover of julius being feral and emilia Snapping so HAH.. but yes this in my mind fit julius in the sense that hes this seemingly perfect idol but he does the necessary evil thats the arc 3 julisuba duel. in his intro he can come off as harsh and condescending—so for him to be playing a role like luka and to be dead inside about it (bc its Awful and he’d know that) would be interesting role wise. itd give julius so much internal conflict.

ok also the whole ivan/till/mizi dynamic of till loving mizi but she doesnt and then ivan being so crushingly devoted to till like—HAHA ohhh the doomed yaoi… yeah anyway thats kinda like ottosuba aint it?? subaru having emilia but otto’s emilia is subaru all along… crazy shit. i hate these black haired light haired twink pairings i always end up caring about them no matter the media LMAO 😭😭 but anyway like subaru being scared but so rebellious in alien stage—but you know this time bc its subaru he’d be so fucking guilty and try to save people i bet but it probably wont work unless he still has rbd so 😭😭 but yeah and then ottos there scheming to try to get at least him and subaru out but then subaru goes “no i cant leave emilia or the others” and goes back???? and otto laughs to himself in pure despair bc OF COURSE subaru would do that. OF COURSE subaru would be so devoted to trying to stay for the others, OF COURSE subaru would choose that over otto and literal freedom. its that kind of frustration mixed with despairing adoration you know?? why are black haired and light haired twinks across different media always paralleling each other….

and you know. of course rem and otto would die for their loved ones…

yeah anyway i think theres a lot of ways you could go about an alien stage plot but this is just one idea!!!! theres a variety of stuff you could do depending on how much rz/alien stage plot things you use or what characters you bring in bc each character will bring smth different to the table!!

and ok if we’re going with this idea i need the julius-otto-subaru-emilia-rem dynamic to go full circle ok they just have the worlds worst love pentagon i know this in my heart. itd be true to both rezero and alien stage i promise. theres not enough messy interconnected ship content for my taste in rezero :<<<<< AND I NEED MORE DOOMED YURI TOO URRAAGGH

anyway in conclusion. born to yaoi and yuri forced to black sorrow…. :((( they could have their love pentagram in peace but NOOOO the aliens said they have to sing against each other in the worlds worst death matches!!!!!

Have you heard of alien stage if you have what do you think the characters of re zero would do in that setting

ive briefly heard of alien stage but ive got no clue what its about so no clue how id answer your ask yet sorry !! but would yall recommend alien stage o.O ? what is it ?? :o ive seen some super cool fanart around it so id love to give it a go when i can!!

[steponmepinkjun]

I NEVER FINISHED MY STORY OMG. ok so i left off at being too proud to tell my friend she was right and kpop fucked hard. the difference between u and me is that i’m too good of a liar. too good. i kept up the “i hate kpop it’s cringe” facade for ALMOST TWO WHOLE YEARS, I SHIT YOU NOT. why? bc my dumb ass, extra ass, dramatic ass self thought “ok if i’m gonna have to deal with the embarrassment of admitting i’m wrong, i better do it in such an extra ass way it’ll knock ur socks off so hard that YOULL be the one embarrassed not me.” the original plan was to learn the entire choreography to bts dope, bc it’s the song that she told me to listen to and inevitably the song that got me into them, but later switched to bts fire bc i saw too many of those “choreo matches w any song” videos, and then her birthday party came up. and here’s the real kicker. her birthday is April Motherfuckin Fools. so it would be So Perfect for me to reveal my kpopism as a birthday present And a april fools prank in one. so i was Set on the Reveal being on april 1st, but the day rolls around and god that choreo is so fucking hard and i am Not a dancer. never have been. so i abandon that and go ykno what… i’ll do it Next Year. BC MY BITCHASS WAS LIKE NO THE MOMENT IS TOO PERFECT TO DO IT ON A NORMAL ASS DAY ITS GONNA BE ON APRIL FOOLS ON HER GODDAMN BIRTHDAY OR NOT AT ALL. a year rolls by, i’ve told most of our friends except her and they’re all in on it, i’d made so many subtle kpop references to her without her realising they were fully intentional and had too many scares where she almost figured me out but i lied my way out of it, and i’d given up on showing off with choreography bc i couldn’t make that shit look good. i’m not a dancer. i am, however, a rapper, and a damn good one, so i inhaled the agust d mixtape and decided i’d just rap the eminem of kpop’s anthem at her face. in korean. and change the lyrics at the end (if u haven’t listened to agust d, the bridge repeats “i’m sorry” a lot) to “i’m sorry i kept this from u for so long” and “i’m sorry i actually ult got7 not bts” (this was like the april after skz debuted ok i was holding onto got7 for dear life knowing full well skz we’re going to convert me smh) and the best part? she never saw it coming. her official present was a cd with a bunch of kpop on it but she thought it was just a personalised mixtape for her so i told her to play the first song out loud and she knew the song Instantly. it has a long intro so she was like “i guess u did listen when i recommended u this song!! i knew you’d like it since u like rap so much!!” and then i started rapping and i shit u not. she started SCREAMING. like the initial reaction was her jaw dropping and then instinctively covering her mouth but when i kept going and she realised i wasn’t fucking around she just fucking screamed like a banshee. at the end during the sorry bit i threw off my jacket to reveal a got7 shirt on the inside and she fell off her chair and started rolling around on the floor. needless to say it was every bit as satisfying as i thought it’d be LMAOOOO afterwards her ass was like “I CANT BELIEVE U HID THIS FROM ME FOR OVER A YEAR” and when i tried to explain my ego couldn’t take the “i told u so” she was like “you know i wouldn’t have made fun of you for it right? i would just be glad you’re not hating on my boys anymore” so basically i’m a big dramatic fool and she was always too good for me.

don’t mind the weird spaces here my ipad is being all fucky wucky w me rn. damn sad to hear ur sideblog experience didn’t go so well, i’d have shown u the cool side of the fandom if i knew 😤😤 leading u thru the cursed halls of kpop stan tumblr like a sketchy tour guide that’s actually 3 small raccoons stacked on top of each other like a trench coat, like “over here we have the fanfic writers that honestly need to publish a book, over here we have the gif makers that are responsible for my entire camera roll, if we take a quick swerve past the death threat anons and the twt fanwar screenshots - mind ur feet bub the 14 year olds were tryna make a grab for ur ankles - ah here’s the holy grail of shitposts, you might be here for hours, to the right we have the weird aussie side of the fandom that projects our childhoods onto chanlix but also all the members as we decide what their life in australia would’ve been like, and down there is a secret trapdoor to the blogs w endless random headcanons that will make you laugh, cry or blush depending on if the author woke up and decided to choose violence today. enjoy your Stay!” but then again i’m not so active on tumblr anymore (ngl you’ve become the highlight of my tumblr experience these days, interaction wise,) so maybe all my Local Hotspots are inactive now. i know a bunch of them are, it’s sad. “i don’t fw stan twitter for the same reason i don’t hang out in meth dens” oop. guess i’m a meth addict. no but i get u i rly do, it’s a hellhole out there, but the fact that things get shared and spread a lot easier than on tumblr and how short most things have to be (therefor keeping up w my adhd attention span without having to resort to the mental torture that is tiktok, with the added bonus of not always needing headphones.) that i just. couldn’t leave if i tried. maybe i should try being active on tumblr again but it’s a dying site in comparison.

“their music doesn’t consistently hit for me as much as skz” i’m sorry we can’t be friends anymore. what. what. you don’t dramama ramama ramama hey? you don’t feel a little jealousyyyyyy, naega anin? you don’t shoot out, shoot out, shoot out, or aremdaeun love killa love killa? you can’t be your hero du du du du du du du du du dududu? u disappoint me. literally like everyone i know who likes skz music likes mx music like it’s a rite of Passage. they’re kindred spirits, monsta x music is like skz’s music’s cool but mildly heterosexual older brother. neither of them know what a bad song is it runs in the family. and both their music runs in my VEINS. whenever i describe my music taste they’re always the first two that come to mind, skz being my number 1 bc they are my best boys but mx bc of the Flavour. pls listen to the entire the code album then get back to me 😤🙌 ok but fr ur so right they are 7 of the finest men i ever seen (yes i say 7 bc i’m including wonho cause he deserved better and i’ll die on my ot7 bullshit.) like don’t get me started on them either LOL i LITERALLY downloaded that one insta video of changkyun working out his back n arm muscles w his tattoo showing bc i needed that shit saved for Science. they could do Anything w me like frfr. yes vixx is the bdsm contract group i’m telling ya they wildin. or at least they were. it’s been years since their last comeback idk what they’re doing anymore tbh. and yeah that makes sense, savouring the hyperfixation i feel it, but also i’m so attached to skz that i never let it die. like i hyperfixate on other things and other groups but i will Always go back to skz cause they’re my homeboys. hell, they’re my home. being a predebut stay i’ve spent more time w skz than most of my actual family members at this point. but that’s just me you do u boo xx just know that if ur anything like me ur never letting go once skz it’s been my longest lasting fixation cause they hit like Nothing Else Do. ik i’ve already said that but i cannot stress it enough. they’re really special. i’m gonna stop here before i get all sappy and emotional bc i really love those boys so fucking much and i don’t drop the L bomb often. SIDE NOTE I WOULD LIKE TO SEE UR LIST OF GROUPS RANKED BY THORSt. i need to judge ur Taste. and omg cat&dog is such a guilty pleasure song bc the lyrics make me cringe so much bc while pet play can be fun they be doing it in more of an “i’m an innocent soft dogboy uwu” kinda way that just Does Not Sit Right with me. it comes back to the objectifying of asians that asians themselves don’t help in industries like these and maybe i’m looking too far into it when rly it is just wholesome n cute or maybe they are into some pet play shit idk idc i will bop to the song regardless but i will not acknowledge the lyrics nope.

YOURE RIGHT THO SKZ’S OPENNESS IS IN FACT, A BIG DEAL, i’ll grab them for u if u want but i found these twt threads of skz supporting the lgbt community and i just felt a special kind of happiness man like sure the delusional part of me likes going “haha they’re gay” bc my brain likes to imagine them as my polycule of mlm boyfriends bc sometimes thats what gives me the serotonin to get me thru the day ok don’t judge but also bc it’s nice knowing that yes i’ll never know them personally, but at least i can support them knowing they’d respect my gender identity and my pronouns, they’d respect who i choose to love, and that’s already more than the general public can say so shit, it is special! it’s special that they don’t treat being cishet like the norm - they constantly remove gender from their songs and speech entirely, they don’t assume all stays are female anymore, we don’t talk abt the babygirls incident cause we got babystays in the end outta that ok, and it’s just. so refreshing and important to me bc i can’t get that anywhere else!! like my semi ults are the boyz and while i love them very much and there’s no way all 11 of them are straight i refuse, i do get just a little bit sad whenever they she/her their fandom by default and call them their girlfriends n shit even tho i do still identify as a girl, i’m also genderfluid/nonbinary/transmasc, and i have a very love/hate relationship w my womanhood and rarely use she/her pronouns, cause it’s like, do you not see me? see us? the ones who aren’t cishet women? i mean i know kevin does bc he congratulated a fan who came out as nb but it’s just not the same as the openness we get w skz. like how do i trust cishets i could be supporting them as a queer person when in reality they’d call me a slur. what would i know, behind the screen? so it’s so good that skz go the extra mile to make it a safe space for everyone. this is already long enough i will reply to the second half of that ask in another message… tomorrow cause it’s 1am and i’m tired gn -felix bi anon

I'mma have to start putting these under a readmore so that i don't absolutely make everything who is still following me for some reason go totally fucking insane 😂

NDJDHWJJAHFNAKBSJSBFBHHDBDNAJD YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE FACES I WAS MAKING READING THIS, I WAS FUCKING CACKLING AND GASPING EVERY OTHER SENTENCE SO HARD THAT I SCARED THE CATS NDJWHSHSB the fact that you went "oh you want me to get into kpop? Give me a hot minute, and I'll give you a whole ass private concert for free" biduehsjdbd biiiiiiiiiiitch you're a fucking ICON, I stg I could NEVER 😂 (and not just because I couldn't find a tune if you gave me a printed set of Google maps directions and that I embody the steriotype that white people can't dance, like my sister kept sensing me tiktoks of the whole "dance like a white girl" trend going lmfao look it's you and eventually I was like "sis please this trend has me feeling like being white is a disability and these mothafuckers are being ableist 😭 also I could NEVER be that on beat so yall ain't even doin it right 😭😭😭😭"). Tbh if I told one of my friends (lol what friends, i got jokes) to get into Skz and they showed up at my bday and performed the entirety of I Got It I would simply shower them in money and go "aight everyone else go home, you are no longer needed, you are being laid off, your position has been eliminated, we're downsizing, the company is moving up and you're moving out, you are not qualified for this role any longer, best of luck with future endeavors" 😊

I think part of the reason I can't deal w Twitter is the exact reason I refuse to leave tumblr, in that I've been on tumblr since 2006 and twt since 2008, and tumblr literally has not changed at all, not even a little, whereas going from the early days of twt where there were no corporate sponsorships or ads and you had to manually copy and paste someone's tweet and @ them to retweet it, to how it is now, like 90% ads and showing me shit from the timelines of people I don't even fuckin follow n whatnot, it's just not enjoyable. Idk how anyone finds anything on twt, it confuses and frustrates me because I am old and have not adapted well to technology changing 😂 But arguably, the skz fanbase doesn't want me on skztwt anyways so like it works for both of us lmfaooo. I am old and cringey, and also still think of twt as stream of consciousness whereas tumblr is your teenage bedroom where you can decorate the walls with anything that interests you. I do really love the nonsensical kpoptwt shitposts tho fhshsbdjjss like it is a very specific flavor of mental instability that I enjoy immensely 😂 OH and also I initially misread part of that and thought you were saying you actually irl do meth and I was like 😳 WHAT DO I SAY TO THAT. HOW DO I HANDLE THIS. Like how do I express like "I wasn't being judgy of people who use substances cause I've been there but I was just being insensitive 😳" And then went back and reread it and was like WHEW, IM JUST AN ILLITERATE FOOL 😂😂😂😂 ejeywhdhrhjwbfbdjshdhdhd I spent like an hour bwign like "IS THE REASON WE GET ALONG BECAUSE THEY'RE ON METH???? WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS INFORMATION??????" hrhehshe I am literally a fuckin idiot it's fine

It's not that I don't fw them, it's more like... Okay so like there is no situation in which I am going to skip a skz song if it comes on shuffle. You will not ever catch me NOT in the mood to listen to Sunshine, if God's Menu comes on we are THROWIN the meager amount of booty meat I got hither and thither, I could be in the happiest mood of my life but if Ex comes on I will stop to SOB. And I'm not like that with most music, so mx just falls into the category of "there is a time and place." Idk why but it just doesn't forcibly grab hold of my heart and ass the way skz always does. I really don't WANT my skz fixation to ever end, but I know that eventually it'll stop giving me dopamine bevause my brain is my worst fucking enemy 🙃 like my arcana fixation is to date the longest running hyperfixation I've ever had, going on almost three years, and I used to not be able to spend every single second of every day thinking about Asra, but now... I just feel nothing when I look at arcana stuff. As you can probz tell by the fact that I hardly post arcana anymore 😂 So I know that eventually all my happiness will end, it always does, I can never stay just as obsessed with something as I was for long. I CANT SHARE THE LIST BECAUSE I DONT *HAVE* TASTE YET 😭 I'm basically just compiling a list of any group someone tells me I should look into, ranked by how strong the kitty purred upon googling pics of them 😂 My mom read my ass to FILTH over txt lmfao she was like "they're not that adorable. Maybe your standard for adorableness has gone down with You Know Who still on hiatus 🤔" bfjwhdhd like MOMMAAAAA THE LIBRARY IS CLOSED 😂 she attacks me any time I even hint at stanning other groups, she is a skz purist and stans skz only, unofficial Momma Stay of All Stays keeping me in check lmfao.

I feel like skz really do follow thru on their promise that they're a safe space for stays, it's nice to see that they hold space for anyone and everyone in their fanbase and do it in a really simple and elegant way, I feel. Like they never make it seem like "okay here are the fans and here are the token weirdos that were only recognizing to make a buck off of them" the way a lot of artists make it feel like 😑 like they don't go out of their way to act like it's some revolutionary act to do the bare minimum of not shitting on certain parts of the fandom, if that makes sense. They feel very "yeah, of course we love all our stays, this is a welcoming space for literally anyone, that's how it should be, that should be normal," instead of like "Hi fans we love you 😊 and special shoutout to you ell gee bee tee folk, make sure to buy my rainbow merch after the show!!!" you know? Like, they're the friends who would never make you feel weird or different for some shit, the friends that take the attention off you if something they know ur sensitive about comes up, instead of weirdly snapping at whoever brought the unfomfy thing up which ruins the mood and makes you feel tiwce as bad, yk? They just give off this vibe that they, and the space they create with their music, is just a genuine and chill place to be and hang out and relax and bond. I feel like they'd be the friend group that is so goofy and sweet and silly and accepting and lovely and always makes you feel loved and excited to be alive 🥺 They are all good noodles 🥺🥺🥺

[stcrr]

elle fanning. cis female. she/her.  ／  lorelei “lorrie” gunther just pulled up blasting which witch by florence + the machine  — that song is so them ! you know, for a twenty-three year old musician, i’ve heard they’re really -reclusive, but that they make up for it by being so +observant. if i had to choose three things to describe them, i’d probably say chipped glitter nail polish, a silver gilt mirror, losing yourself in the beat of the music. here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble ! ( ally, 22, est, she/her )

me: i don’t have a type when it comes to muses! also me: unveils this new muse that is also introverted and anxious but this time with more glitter. anyways, meet lorelei, starr to her fans, and lorrie to her friends, an observant girl, gifted mimic, misfit, mirror, and musician. kind of a jem and the holograms/hannah montana/perfect blue hybrid. details under the cut, like for me to hyu to plot !! 

(also her pinterest im really proud of it you guys)

statistics.

full name. lorelei amelia gunther. nicknames. lorrie. aliases. starr. occupation. singer-songwriter. age. twenty-three. date of birth. february 1st, 1997.  nationality. american. ethnicity. white (austrian and irish).  gender | orientation. cis female | queer. hometown. boston, ma. zodiac sign. aquarius sun, scorpio moon, pisces rising career/voice claim. lorde.

height. 5′9 weight. 120lbs build. willowy.  distinguishing features. wide eyes, full lips, constant bags, probably has glitter in her hair.  health. 7/10; has no major illnesses but eats like shit, has a whack sleep schedule, is a dysfunctional adult basically. she’s also big depressed but you know how it be. 

positive traits. ambitious, intuitive, observant, imaginative, independent,  neutral traits. talkative, intense, impressionable,  negative traits. anxious, avoidant, moody, secretive, resentful, aloof, 

likes. the nighttime, storms, baggy clothes, mountains, weed, lsd, books, blanket forts, lying on the floor, singing, cryptids, cemeteries,  dislikes. being herself, deadlines, dolls/puppets, the paparazzi, social media, planning ahead, the outdoors, conflict, the beach, 

history. 

(tw suicide mention, anxiety attack) (tldr at the bottom)

her mother called her lorelei after the sirens of the rhine; she insisted her first cries were the sweetest song. and lorelei continued to have a beautiful voice; she sang more than she spoke. but only at home. 

she never responded to lorelei, though, not really; it felt too grand for her. she was a chicken-legged girl who liked overalls and goosebumps books. she was just lorrie.

she grew up in a lower-middle class region of boston, ma. her father was a salesman, and her mother was a travel agent. 

for a while, at school, she didn’t speak at all. she was diagnosed with selective mutism at age five, and it took until she was thirteen to overcome it completely. 

this was not at all helped by the fact that her parents had a nasty divorce when she was seven years old. her father used her mother’s ten-year-old suicide attempt against her in court to prove she wasn’t stable, and gained full custody of lorelei and her two older brothers. her oldest brother, matthias, sided with their father, but the middle brother, jeremias, sided with their mom, and tried to run away to his mother’s house basically every month. he ran away for good when he was fifteen, living with his girlfriend’s family. 

what helped her overcome this selective mutism, at least at first, was her middle school drama class. at home, lorelei had always been an excellent mimic. she did her favorite impressions for her drama teacher, and she encouraged her to try some monologues and scenes. as she got better at acting, she realized that she didn’t have to be herself; she could be somebody else. and that made talking all the easier. 

by high school, she was no longer selectively mute, but was still anxious and shy. she was, however, a total drama kid, and still loved to act. she could be outrageous, incredible on stage; she wasn’t being herself, after all, so if people were judging her, it was the character they were judging, not her. 

still she was def the kind of girl who had a mental breakdown every four months and dyed/cut her hair/gave herself bangs. she could never quite shake the feeling that she was an outsider looking in, separated, different. 

she still loved music, and as she grew older, she started to write songs. it was her secret dream to be a musician. one of her theater friends talked her into singing one of them when she was sixteen, and then encouraged her to try out for the talent show. she was able to get through the audition, though she was a little nervous, but she knew it would be fine. she was on stage all the time, this would be fine. 

but this time, she had to be herself in front of the entire school, and she froze up, not a sound leaving her lips. she doesn’t remember leaving the stage; only remembers that suddenly, she was in the girls bathroom, sobbing her eyes out. 

her friends comforted her that night, partying in their basement like they always did, but thats when lorrie had an idea. what if she didn’t perform as herself? 

that’s when a starr was born. 

as lorelei dressed herself up in all the holo and glitter she had, she created starr in her head; she was born beloved, charismatic, fearless, this glitz and glamor girl who had it all, but what now? even at the top, she found emptiness. she was a beautiful supernova, so breathtaking you forgot she was really a collapsing star. 

starr was lorrie’s ultimate muse; she wrote song after song for her in the next few months, until, finally, she asked some of her friends to help her record a music video. she didn’t expect this music video to get 60 million views in a matter of weeks. 

royals, of course, blew the fuck up, and she had people calling her house to get her to sign with this record company or that record company, and her eventual producer flew her out to la with her dad. and, of course, the rest is history. (her dad also blew a lot of the money she earned as a minor but she got rid of him and that’s neither here nor there.) 

however, as she got more and more into the la lifestyle, she began to rely more and more on starr as an alter ego. people liked starr, after all, and lorrie didn’t even like herself. she played the part of the dignified, wise, and eccentric former queen during interviews, when recording, at after parties and award shows. 

even her first major relationship she got while acting like starr, someone fearless and fun, basically a manic pixie dream girl. if you’ve ever listened to the album melodrama, then you know how badly that ended. 

that’s around when she realized that starr had taken over her entire life. coming home from a house party absolutely zonked, she looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize herself, didn’t see that nerdy, overall-clad chicken-legged girl from her family pictures. 

she stripped her clothes off, scraped the makeup off her face until her skin was red and dry, dragged a brush through her hair to get rid of all the product, and pulled on a hoodie and leggings she had brought with her to la a year ago. she wrote the first draft of all the songs in melodrama in the coming hours. 

however, she still wrote from starr’s perspective, knew she’d perform it as starr. it may be far more personal, but lorrie wasn’t ready to come out just yet. in fact, she’s kind of been hiding the last year or so, a full-on depression mess. 

tl;dr lower middle class nerdy girl from boston overcomes crippling social anxiety through acting, finesses this into an alter ego to be a musician, hits it big, loses herself in the alter ego, has a disastrous relationship, and tries to become herself again. 

present.

first of all, her real name is Known to the public, but not her “brand” outside of starr. it’s proven to be a boon as of late; she’s known for basically being a walking sailor moon cosplayer, not a skinny woman in baggy jeans and a big black hoodie.

since she’s trying to work on herself, she’s kind of in a creative slump. like, she still has more than enough royalties off her music to keep her going, but her agent and producer are both pushing her to clean up some of her songs and record them for a new album. she can still write as starr, but it feels... different, now. melodrama was far more personal than pure heroine, and she wants to continue to grow; writing as starr feels like reverting back to her sixteen year old self. but she’s too scared to write as herself So....

at events though she’s still in the gauze and stars people expect from starr. 

trying to reach out to her mom and brother jer again. not her dad, fuck her dad. 

loves true crime, the supernatural, and conspiracy thought. is probably watching a true crime doc rn. 

she’s just starting to leave her house for the first time in like... a year? like she’s only started to get out again in the last few months.

as for drugs, she def drinks, but she’s more likely to smoke weed. also, she’s a big fan of lsd, but holds herself off to only tripping every few months.

is considering moving to the woods and being the lonely crone everyone whispers about. or maybe switching to voice acting. 

she fuckin hates dolls. literally her worst nightmare is being trapped in some collectors’ doll rooms.  

wanted connections. 

melodrama ex (0/1) - the ex she wrote her breakup album about. can be any gender. i literally want this connection so bad kfdskjkadsfds

best friend (0/1) - someone who was with her throughout her... Transformation

squad (0/3) - bc who doesn't love a squad. this is the vibe i’m going for (sound warning)

icon (1/1) - someone lorrie looks up to and like... majorly doesn't wanna disappoint. - filled by kami!!!

musician buddies (0/?) - they bounce lyrics off of each other, you know how it is.

rival pop star (0/1) - idk i just think it would be Neat. maybe even with a plot that they had a major falling out and now they have to pretend to get along.

hookups (0/?) - or other messy shit

texting crush (0/1) - really weird concept but like... i imagine lorrie would have the number or snap or insta or whatever of this muse and they get talking after melodrama and she just... lays it all out. they don't really talk in person, but she feels really close to them and definitely develops a crush

weed buddy (0/1) - they come to her house and smoke and complain its great

friend turned enemy (0/1) - maybe someone who adored starr but doesn't like who she is now?????? idk idk

enemy turned friend (0/1) - maybe someone who thought starr was fake af but then meets lorrie being Herself and is just like "oh you're a Human" idk idk

bonus.

as a thank you for making it to the end of this fucking enormous intro, please take a moment to enjoy these tik toks reflective of lorrie’s personality (they’re also???? great on their own) 

lorrie talking/singing to herself alone in her house 

honestly she has tinkerbell vibes

drunk mouths speak sober thoughts

and thats on mental illness

[gut-her-girl]

the story so far (tw!!)

first non reblog post <3 feels weird not just lurking but refreshing to have a safe space to share things even if its just going into the void. 

(im 21 and 5′8″ for reference)

i n t r o d u c t i o n 

i cant remember not having a shitty relationship with food and my body, but id say it got bad around 16 (depression, family trauma, shit hit the fan & all that) it started out as strictly bingeing as a coping mechanism, im talking whole frozen pizzas daily, a family sized bag of chips in one sitting, a 12 pack of soda a week, i could go on... like i said shit was bad. gained a ton of weight that year, pulled myself out of that depressive hole and some how lost the extreme bingeing weight but i saw photos of myself from that year and thats when the hatred for my body started. things leveled out weight wise for awhile, ate like shit and binged but i think my metabolism was crazy fast in highschool so i was always average or on the thin side, just tried my best to avoid being naked in front of mirrors, going to the beach, out of sight out of mind. then senior year i got into a relationship (relationship weight is real folks!!) gained a ton of weight due to that... tried to diet, exercise, worked for awhile, failed, binged, repeat, got fat again. 

c o l l e g e  p t 1

the summer after graduation i broke up with my boyfriend and left for college where all i did was sleep, party, and juul. when i left for school i was around 150-145... go to the doctor a few months into school all of the sudden im 120 lbs and id say this is when my intentional restriction started. when i was skinny i got so much positive attention, male validation, female validation, everyone thought i was pretty and i had never been the pretty girl. when id come home for break my family would mention how much weight id lost and i started to live for that shit. continued my diet of vodka and nicotine through sophomore year of college. that year i moved in with a girl who struggled with disordered eating and without knowing she taught me everything i needed to know. she was constantly talking calories, obsessive workouts, had my absolute dream body but called herself fat every chance she got, learned about intermittent fasting, diet coke, rice cakes, gum... basically got an ed starter pack without even knowing lmao. 

c o l l e g e  p t 2

sophmore year i maintained around 120 (even hit 119 at one point <3) going into the covid lockdown the summer after sophomore year i was dirt poor... like shop lifting food just to eat poor. id say i ate strictly plain oatmeal for around 3 months, with the occasional jar of peanut butter here and there and i didnt have a car so i walked everywhere, like at least 2 hrs daily. we didnt have a scale in the house but i was visibly losing weight and i finally started to appreciate parts of me that id always hated... my hips dips, my legs, my smaller chest. i still felt fat most of the time but those fleeting moments were so nice. i remember coming home to meet my niece and nephew and my sister told me she was worried about my weight loss and asked me if i had an eating disorder, when she said those things it made me proud even though i knew it was wrong. i also remember some friends came to town that summer and they tried to be kind and buy me food when we went out to eat and i didnt know how to say no so i accepted, but eating and having a full stomach after being hungry for so long made me feel disgusting. after i got home i was sitting there full and nauseous and i decided to purge for the first time. my thought process was, i pull trig when im drunk and it makes me feel better so it seemed logical, and so thats what i did whenever i felt full the next few months. things really went down hill for me mentally that summer, i was so alone, i started self harming again, and being so small was one of the few things that made me happy.

g o i n g  h o m e

fast foward to october of 2020 and i decide to move home to save money. my body mustve been in starvation mode after months of restriction and daily exercise because i swear to god my body has hung on to every fucking calorie since i got home and had more access to food. i hardly left the house for a few months so i only wore sweats and baggy shirts, i knew id gained some weight but i was trying not to think about it and to listen to my sister who was constantly preaching fuel your body, self love, etc. one day i go to put on my favorite pair of jeans and they dont fit. i mean not even fucking close. i dont know how it happened or how id completely lost control of my everything but id catapulted back up to pre college weight and it broke me. i was consumed with self hatred, i had constant breakdowns and went right back to avoiding the mirror, never getting dressed, no fucking way was i gonna get on a scale because then it would make it real that the weight was back and all my hardwork was gone. its like i lost my identity, everything that had made me pretty. so i tried to do it the “right way” started working out, making sure i was in a small calorie deficit and finally worked up the courage to get on the scale only to have it say 146... pre college weight... even after all the work id been putting in. i tried to continue that way and just ignore the problem but my friends are so skinny and so beautiful and i just want to be excited to take pictures with them again, i just want to be me again. 

n o w 

soooo now im back to restricting and fasting and lots of walking (trying to avoid bingeing and purging at all costs) and ive been seeing some visible changes but i hadnt weighed myself until today and im down to 134, seeing progress made me so fucking happy. im going to get back to my happy pretty self and i feel so safe here even though so far all ive done is read what everyone else has to say. ive never shared my struggles with anyone and now i have an outlet, its comforting to see people my age here and it just feels nice to not feel crazy and alone. 

[popcornblotter]

My Top 10 Least Favorite Films of 2017

I hope everyone has had a good year cinematically and personally. Before I get into this, I just wanted to state something. For this list and my Top 10 Favorite list, this is just my opinion. I imagine some will disagree with me and thats fine. I’ll have a small bit explaining my overall feelings, but most of these movies I have reviews for on the blog, so if you’d like to, go and take a look at them.

There are still some films like The Disaster Artist and The Shape of Water that I haven’t seen yet, but merely due to the fact that the area where I live doesn’t always get the independent style-Oscar films immediately, I haven’t had a chance. But I am looking forward to seeing those.

Also, I may not have the worst of the worst on this particular list because I’m obviously not a professional critic, I don’t get screeners or early screenings of everything. I go to the movies on my own dime, and if I don’t feel like a film is worth seeing, then I don’t. All that being said, I hope you enjoy reading this. Let’s get into it.

#10

While Coco is beautifully designed and animated, I found the plot to be predictable. I could see where things were going just on the basis of seeing so many other animated films in my lifetime. It also didn’t help that my screening had nearly an hour of pre-show between commercials, trailers, and that ridiculously stupid Frozen “short.” So by the time the movie started, I was already annoyed.

#9

A disappointing sequel to what was an amazing surprise of a first entry. It felt in a way that it was parodying itself for some of the film. Not many of the jokes landed for me, Julianne Moore’s performance was so cartoonishly evil, all she needed was a mustache to twirl. Also the advertising was annoying as it threw Channing Tatum front and center, and he has all of about maybe five minutes of screen time. I just hate it when the trailers and TV spots do a whole bait and switch game.

#8

Now I don’t necessarily feel like Detroit was a bad movie, it’s just a hard movie to watch. What I thought would be the story of the city of Detroit during these events, turned out to be a 2 hour long racist police interrogation. The acting is all fine and good, but it’s just not a movie you watch to pick yourself up. Its similar to me like Schindler’s List, it’s important to have this particular story told, but I don’t think I need to watch it again because it just hits you in the gut with how unrelentingly painful it is. Also again with the advertising and promoting gave the impression that John Boyega was the main character, when in fact he’s a very minor character. Again, bait and switch.

#7

I don’t remember too much of this film, other than I know I didn’t finish it. I remember the trailers making it look like a typical “a kid and their pet blank” movie. When it started it seemed like an extremely black comedy of the likes of Dr. Strangelove. But then about the next 30 minutes, its this girl and her super pig wandering around. And with what seemed as such a jarring shift in tone bothers me and by the 45 minute mark I was so uninterested, I just turned it off.

#6

While I commend Kumail Nanjiani and Emily V. Gordon for putting their story out of how their relationship began, this film seemed a little too cut and paste with other R-Rated rom-coms. It was interesting to see a romance from another culture’s perspective, but it seemed to similar, structure-wise to many of Judd Apatow’s films like Knocked Up, This is 40, and 40 Year Old Virgin.

#5

This was such a disappointment for me as I was a fan of the previous two Apes films in this trilogy. The CGI was very impressive in this film, having it looked better than before, the pacing of this movie was so slow. The only positive of this movie was Steve Zahn’s character of Bad Ape. The majority of this movie is a mopey revenge trip with Andy Serkis’ Caesar, with an escape from a prison. And then a little shit goes down, but honestly there was more action in Rise than this. Just a big let down.

#4

Another show of character that Disney’s live action department has run out of ideas. What is almost a beat by beat remake of the original, this makes a bigger case that whoever started this idea of remaking their animated films to live action should be fired in my opinion. They try to put in some new songs, in my opinion, a ploy to attempt an Oscar nomination for Best Original Song. Shoddy CGI, and heavily auto-tuned Emma Watson and Dan Stevens make for ear grading musical numbers. The only thing that is worthwhile in here is Luke Evans’ Gaston. He embodies the character so well here, it makes it a little eerie throughout watching this movie.

#3

This hardly works as a movie. What I imagine is a summarization of an entire series is squished into a two hour run time, feels like it. It jumps from point to point, making no discernible sense as to what’s happening or why. Willem Dafoe is mildly enjoyable as the voice of Ryuk, but it isn’t enough to save what looks and sounds like a shitty version of a CW murder mystery show.

#2

A glossy shimmering musical wrapper of a movie that’s candy inside is about a man and his never ending obsession to climb the social and economic ladder no matter the costs. Clichés are abound with too many to count. Themes that are touched so vapidly, it barely scrapes the surface of what the side characters feel. The anachronistic music fits about as well as the original Shakespeare lines do with the modern setting of Baz Luhrman’s Romeo+Juliet. And such a complete waste of a phenomenal actress such as Michelle Williams.

#1

There aren’t many movies I hate, because sometimes in the cracks of a bad movie, you can see the hard work that went into a certain set piece, or the costumes. But I fucking hated Murder on the Orient Express. Whatever attempts at humor they try, fail. The plot is so goddamn ridiculous and non-sensical that I left the theater angry for wasting my time. The good cast they assemble is wasted, and the pacing is so slow I was getting bored, drifting off into a daydream. I hated this movie.

So there is my list of least favorite films of this year. Does anyone agree, or disagree? Let me know. Stay tuned for my best of list later.

[survivor-rebelsvsroyals]

EPISODE 1-Well here the f*ck we are again! - Trace

As the game begins and everyone gets used to their new camps, personalities clash together. In the first challenge of the season, a mistake and a fumble causes Keaton a big loss but merges alliances together.

I want to die

ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO TALK TO SURVIVOR PEOPLE THAN BIG BROTHER PEOPLE. I’m in IHOS right now and they’re so overly dramatic, it’s not funny. I already feel good about this tribe- such cuties! Also, I hope I’m the first confessional.

I'm about to be devoured alive on this tribe. I don';t know anyone here. But I peep icons like RTP, Dana, and Ruthie on the other tribe

I don’t trust any of these people, HAHA. I am really excited though. Right now I’m trying to talk up Linus and Seamus because I don’t trust EITHER and I want to be in their good sides. I also want to get in good with Amanda and Pippa. I feel like Glo and I are good and I want to get a solid bond with RTP but... we’ll see! IM NOT putting all my eggs in one basket! On the plus side I think we have a real solid team! There are still a few people I need to talk to but... I’m being more social this season already than I’ve been on some of my others.. heh

lmao can i mutiny?? Earlier this year i had a falling out with some ex friends and one of them is in this game and the other one has a bestie thats in this game and honestly its exhausting. I wouldnt mind being here if they kept things game related but i know that they're going to make things personal and they're going to continue to spread lies about me.

tell me WHY my favorite person i have talked to so far (linus) is a STRAIGHT MAN. why am i hoe for the straight men. i have become the very thing i swore to destroy. i literally hate myself.

As of right now, I want to do either paintball or bottles because I don't want to be the SOLE reason we lose in one of those individual challenges. Also, I think I'm pretty good at endurance challenges for paintball so it'll be fine. My tribemates seem to be an active, ok bunch. I like most of them. I'm getting really good vibes from Dan, Chloe, and Trace. They would be the people I'd add to an alliance. I haven't talked to LAchie or Kwaton yet so maybe they'll be my target if we lose. Nic is pretty cool. I think we'll get along well. Still trying to sus him out. Everyone else is just fine in my eyes. But they're all just obstacles in my way

*a little while later*

The tribe call was initially about the challenge, but now it has become something greater: an alliance. I always try to get alliances early within tribe calls. It makes the pre-merge a lot easier for me. I actually really enjoyed the company of John and Chloe. I didn't think I would, but here I am. If Brien was on a little longer then he would've been in it too. Oh well. Maybe he'll be in the next alliance I create.

*even later*

I really fucked that one up. Jesus christ. I did terrible. Hopefully my tribe can carry the other challenges because doing that badly is almost first boot worthy. Ugh I fucking hate myself

*the camera man keeps recording but is losing consciousness*

I truly do not know how my tribe can be this messy with challenges this early on. Keaton is seemingly going to fuck up the puzzle since he GAVE HIS LAPTOP AWAY. We're a mess. The first challenge isn't even done. Jesus, if we go to tribal, I am praying that they will not want me gone. It'd be terrible

I meant to send this last night but I think Ryan got himself out on purpose.  Did he or did he not... that is the question! So I’m getting along really well with Linus, Amanda and Anabel at the moment. I love Glo but I feel like people will be down to vote her off if we lose. Hopefully my people winning the paintball match will mean all four of us will be safe but people are crazy so... we’ll see!

I'm kind of frustrated with my tribe right now. It seems like none of them know what they are doing in the challenge. "I can't find the puzzle." "I don't know the phrase." "What's the order?" Y'all should have figured this out a day ago. But whatever. I guess we'll lose and I'll have to cut out some weak links. I'm very over the absolute unprofessionalism of this tribe. 

YAAAAAS I’m so happy we won the first immunity challenge. I’m pretty sure if our tribe loses then I’m going to be the first person to leave the game. Literally NO ONE is talking game with me, I even tried to form an alliance with Anabel today and she just like laughed it off fkfkfkfkfkf. IM SO FICKED

Well here the fuck we are again! The rebels tribe is cute tbh. I know Nic, we played together well in Chamonix. Lachie and I made it to the final of ILM a couple years ago. Chloe and I didn't work well together in Kuwait but we have a similar sense of humor so I have a good feeling about it. I hosted Dan and Keaton in MB and have good relationships with both. I don't know Brien but he already basically told me he has my back, and I do trust him even though he is a bit of an outcast. I don't really trust Raffy, he's kinda hard to talk to. Everyone else is basically irrelevant. I was so convinced that we were going to flop and flop HARD in the challenge, and we did. But at least Chloe, John, and I flopped the least and got us our one point. Now nobody can hold that against me! Tbh I wouldn't be mad sending Keaton out of the game. He's all over the place and didn't even compete in the challenge. So idk, we shall see. I feel pretty good about my place in the game but lord knows shit always hits the fan for me the second I have to talk strategy. So fingers crossed ladies!

We really got our asses handed to us HUH!? Honestly, I feel okay? I think I’ve chatted a bit with everyone and had meaningful convos, but that means nothing. I lost my wave so why should I feel super safe? I mean Keaton should be worried for sure, but I love him, so I’m just trying to see if there’s another option. I personally can’t fucking stand Raffy, BUT everyone seems to enjoy his twinky shady ass. Can’t relate!! I’m just gonna work on my growing bond with Asya and Nic and see where that takes me (: Here’s a list of who I trust from most to least so far! 

 1. Asya 

 2. Nic 

3. Lachie 

4. Trent 

5. Chloe 

6. Keaton 

7. Brien 

8. John 

9. Raffy

Losing the challenge sucks. Especially since we got stomped on. My target for this tribal is Trace. I don't really talk to him, and he just didn't do the challenge. That's a liability in my eyes. So, he has to go. However, I'm trying to avoid spreading his name so early until a few hours before tribal. People are being hesitant to throw out names because they don't want to be "That Guy." It's scary out here. I feel like I should be fine since I'm relatively social and active. Talking with people last night, I think I managed to make Trace an ally of mine. I suggested working together and he accepted. So, hopefully that pans out in the future. It just adds another person to my ranks. It's extremely important that I make these solid connections to protect me in case of a swap or once we get to merge.

I’m in rebels vs royals WHOO these royals are going down. We lost the first challenge but it’s okay it gives us time to trim the fat on the tribe and see where everyone stands. I like mostly everyone so far but I think it’s the honeymoon phase now and things will get real soon when we all ruthlessly target each other. I played with Keaton before and we agreed to have each other’s back and I would love to work with him for the long road and even be loyal to take him to the end with me even if I was definitely gonna lose. I’m trying to flip the way I play with friends and not be selfish and stick my neck out for them. It’s completely a transformation for me because my first season I betrayed my best friend cause I didn’t want to go to rocks but when I’m reality I was selfish. Raffy- seems cool but he is also a likable player that I have to have on my radar to not let get that far 

John- I love John I know it’s early but if I had to pick my final 3 now it would be me him and Keaton. He might be playing me but he is just such a great person I hope we can work well in this game. 

 Aysa- Idk how I feel about her she seems nice however she also seems shady granted everyone is but I can’t let her get to far. 

 Lachie- my first target we don’t mesh well in our conversation and that’s a sign to me early on that we won’t work well in this game. He is my number one target at this first tribal we have to go to. 

 Trace- I like trace but he seems like a poser and I think he’ll say whatever he has to in order to finally snatch the win in his 8th time. 

Nic- he is quiet but could also be deadly he was playing up that he hasn’t played in a while and doesn’t want to go first and I get that but i know it’s just a play for him to integrate himself in the tribe. 

 Chloe- she is nice but idk where she stands strategy wise but I like her and I can certainly see it being hard getting her out. 

 Dan- I almost forgot about dan he is so UTR I don’t trust him and if I can’t get lachie I would love to get him out at the first tribal. Now I know people have past season connections but I can’t really do much about it I just have to hope they implode on themselves and then I can find a crack within all the ruins. I’m certainly playing this game differently then before I’m gonna be as loyal and honest as I can and i know it’s a marathon not a sprint and I have to treat this game as such.

I’m so glad to be safe this round! I fell asleep really early last night and I’m glad we aren’t on the chopping block because when I scramble I look like an egg head. I wonder who is going home on the other tribe hmmm

So.....I am ELIZA levels paranoid, even though it’s the first vote. Trace is my number 1 so far because we worked together in a previous game and he’s just cool. So I trust him. I also know Dan, but the way we left things in our last convo before the game was darksided...but we promised to work together this time. I am somewhat confident in that. I like Lachie a lot even though I don’t know him, and Brien seems like a strong player. I think this first vote is coming down to Keaton or Raffy. I am kinda wanting Keaton because I feel like Brien has him under his wing and if Keaton goes then Brien will be weaknened and maybe be easier to control? Keaton is saying Raffy is a strong player for some reason and we should get him out as soon as possible. So...idk. BUT...I am a paranoid mess, so this could all just be a big plot to get me out!!! Who knows??

Ok so basically I know almost everyone on both tribes which really fucking shocks me?! I was expecting to know like one person and then not be very invested but I was wrong luv. Because I’ve played with basically everyone before I like actually want to do well lmao, imagine me actually trying in a game. That being said I did so bad in the flag comp thing, I literally didn’t understand the rules at all whoops. She really thought it had to be all red, the only reason I didn’t draw it was because I was imagining having to fill in the background red after and I GAGGED. I luv Asya, trace and Nic. Last time I played with dan we both got to like final 7 but I barely spoke to him and I’m p sure he’s the reason why kate and I left. But I’ve been speaking to him more In this game and we have like A LOT in common. I’ve also been trying to talk to Chloe a lot because we played a Facebook game together once and she rlly thought I hated her and made so many vls about me, so I’m trying to like be more active in her pms.

A lot of people in this cast don't like me. Dan, Dane, Pippa. To name a few. With Dane it's very personal. He hurt me and I don't think he gets that I'm still super sad about it. We havent talked since March. We have so many inside jokes im reminded of and I laugh and I always just instantly wanna text him but I can't cause then I remember. I'm not going to throw his name out ever. If people come to me with it then yeah i'll do it. Anyway. I love RTP we've never really gotten to play together something always happens. Love Amanda. She's slaughtered me before but it's always been fun so I hope we can be an amazing team. I think shes still really good friends with Dan which might cause huge problems. Anyway later skater

oh shit a rat oh wait thats just my reflection hihi i was gonna do a video but i hate my face so we're typing today girls. so. i like my tribe!!!! i think everyone is like smart which is scary bc i have approximately 1 brain cell that i share w trent and it is VERY obvious that i am not in possession of said brain cell. i keep saying crackhead things to people and i dont know why, i guess im just on meth or something i dont know... maybe the ppl at my local ice cream joint(tm) slipped something into me bc i am in the mood to get WILD!!! i think as of rn i am ssn 90's sweetheart and everyone loves me and YES i am COCKY but i have a right to be bc i am fucking POPULAR!!!! my ranking is as follows, anyone who disagrees with me sucks ass. 

1. linus 2. dane 3. amanda 4. seamus 5. ruthie 6. gloria 7. ryan m 8. ryan p 9. pippa 

 i will not explain these rankings bc i am right, u r wrong, shut the fuck up

Pippa doesn’t respond to me, feels bad man. Everyone else is pretty dope though, I’m definitely getting along with Anabel the best, she’s probably gonna win the game. Honestly the big story is just how Keaton’s opening was so cocky, yet called us cocky but then he abstained and likely will be first boot based on the abstain. Fantastic storyline making a full circle in the period of just 3 days. Sorry this is probably lame, I’m in a shitload of pain, I really just need to sneak by until I’m not suffering from my tonsil removal and then I can really tear things up. Oh, also Hoodie Ryan is the only epic gamer on my tribe so I hope he goes far so we can rise up together.

so far I am getting to know Seamus Pippa and Linus and other but dan;t think of their names lol. Had fun doing bottles challenge then messed up  but our tribe rocks and we still won challenge. Where I stand I think I am liked by several so far. Wonder where it  will go who knows <3 GLO <3

Am about to be first boot and I’m not even surprised lol xx

I’m just like an emotional wreck? Idk. I’m trying to keep plugging along but I have so much stuff taking up time in my personal life. Like rear ending a car tonight :~) soooo I think the vote is Keaton, but honestly who the fuck knows. Everyone could be pulling a fast one on me. I tried pitching an alliance with Asya, Chloe, and John but it went no where so look at me booboo the fool. I just feel like I don’t have much traction yet and I don’t wanna be caught off guard by a blindside tonight. I’m always just so paranoid at first tribal. Why didn’t we just kill the royals in the comp. fucking flop ass tribe.

Okay so THESE PEOPLE WANNA KILL ME. I thought I would be good with Chloe, Dan, and Trace but they all ran to the kingpin, Nic. I tried to throw Raffy under a bus, but Lachie and Asya protect, John didn't wanna talk, and Brien...I'm sorry Weber. You better fuckin kill it this game. Time to do what I do best though...cause an absolute shitton of chaos....for you Weber.

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Emily Fields: the rundown

Season 1: 

Emily is characterized as a young talented athlete with a promising future in swimming all the while questioning her sexuality who turned into a confident strong woman who sometimes faces slumps but bounces back and trusts her heart. Always the loyal one. In this season we see her begin to question followed by confirming her sexuality and being more confident in it. I'll always be an Emaya fan, got to respect a first love with so much chemistry. Although I did feel in the beginning that Maya sort of pressured her into coming out at certain points, I feel like when that moment came it was great. I'm glad she told her dad first, I love how she always had the daddy’s little girl dynamic. Even though Pam is my favorite PLL mom, I was irked when she didn't initially accept her daughter but I was like yaaaas when she stood up for her against Paige’s dad. Which brings me to Paige in the first Paily encounter. I’ve disliked Paige from the beginning I can't like someone who attempts to drown someone I like so much. Emily I'll chalk that little fling to being young and naive. Worst season for Emily fashion wise but character wise, fantastic.

Season 2:

Emily decided to give Samara a chance which I think would have been a good relationship had it not been for A ruining things prematurely. ANYWHO, how creeptastic was the fashion show. Other than that, A really worked hard to not only keep her in Rosewood, but ruin her future as well. I’ve said from the beginning that Emily and Hanna get physically hurt worse, hate it or love it its my opinion and thats how I feel(Ali excluded, only speaking of the core four). Once Emily got the all clear from her mother to stay in Rosewood, A decides to replace her muscle rub with HGH leading to an ulcer. That was wild. Bravo for Maya coming back, I think they would still be together had she not got killed. I’m glad that at the end of the day they knew how they felt about each other, regardless of the tragedy that would soon follow, more cool dad points for Wayne Fields for helping her search when Maya went missing. Again I hate that at a point in this season the parents took Dr. Sullivan’s crap advice and made them split up for a short time but all the girls played up a great set up to catch A. Granted, once again, Emily was physically harmed. Then the whole almost died due to being locked in the barn thing, if it wasn't for Ali she would've been done-zo at 16. Mona was def off her rocker at that point.

Season 3:

The summer they spent apart doing their own thing seemed to work the least in her favor, due to her not knowing how to grieve properly. I find it odd that the new A came for her first by the whole drugging and placing her at Ali’s grave. This is the season where Paily officially kicked off and although I'm not a fan, they had their share of good moments. When Nate came to town I knew something was fishy. I still to this day don't know why Maya’s family didn't give her information about funeral arrangements etc considering they were together but I digress. I wasn't entirely surprised when he came unhinged and almost killed her but damn “the lady killer” episode was one of my favorite summer finales.

Season 4:

Only thing that really happened to her individually was her taking her mom’s pills and ‘’someone’’ calling social services. Emision had a nice little reunion though. Mama Fields struggled by almost getting ran over in her own living room, it broke my heart watching her break down in the hotel.

Season 5:

I knew she’d be too quick to welcome Alison back and then she was lashing out at everyone else who thought otherwise. Then Ali started disappointing her and then she started accusing her of being A. I feel like most of this season everything she did was Ali related. Paige punked out and left. Then when Ali was found innocent via the liars, she felt like she owed her an apology. I think Ali could chop her arm off and shed still forgive her. 

Season 6:

Once out of the dollhouse, she fell right back into the whole dating anyone who walks past her by starting something with Sara Harvey, even though she was a complete stranger that you invite to live with you. I think she should’ve focused less on helping her and more on helping the other girls then she wouldn't have felt so blindsided by Cece revealing that Sara was red coat(she deserved to be hit btw). Five years forward she comes out the least successful with practically nothing going for herself and the worst of it all is that Wayne Fields is dead. Out of all the PLL dad and they kill Emily’s dad, not Hanna’s piece of shit dad who doesn't support her or Byron who cheats but somehow manages to divorce and get his wife back or Peter who has secret kids, they kill WAYNE. damn them. I wasn't going to touch on the whole eggs thing because I knew AD would find a way to f that up. If my eggs were destroyed I'd have plenty more things to say.

Season 7:

I dont hate the whole Sabrina thing and if Emison wasn't endgame I'd want them to work it out. I don't know why she feels so compelled to let Paige know everything but whatevs. Although it’s kind of rude of me to say but I'm glad she hit Noel when he was coming at her and Hanna, even though he ended up falling and getting his head chopped off. Emily is once again there for Ali, and regardless of if the baby is Emily’s, I have the sneaking suspicion that she’s going to help her raise the baby.

Fave moments so far:

Her coming out

Emaya

“You don't have a monopoly on pain, Spencer”

“So Meredith is our alibi? see you in jail”

Emison

When she found out about her dad’s heart condition after he saved her at the school.

Her showdown with Sydney

Season 4 when her highlights were poppin’

What I want for her in the final 10 episodes:

Her to finally be happy with one person as opposed to bouncing from girl to girl,  how emission evolves, the aftermath of AD and the liars friendship afterwards.