#and thats when i realised that (at the time) i didnt experience dysphoria

[bazelgeuce]

I assume it's different for everyone but no one warned me that dysphoria gets more intense as i get older

[etherealspacejelly]

i am once again feeling emotional over the fact that i get to be the trans adult role model i wish i could have had when i was a questioning teenager for a whole new generation of trans kids

hi, im a 21 year old genderqueer demiboy. let me tell you some of my wisdom

you dont need to have dysphoria to be trans. if being a different gender would make you happier and improve your quality of life then do it

you dont have to want top or bottom surgery to be trans. you dont have to want hrt to be trans. if all you want to do is change your name and/or pronouns, thats perfectly ok. if you dont even want to do that, thats ok too

not everyone gets their name or pronouns right first try. theres no shame in changing them multiple times

gender =/= pronouns. you can be nonbinary and use he/him. you can be a cis guy and use they/them. you can be a girl and use ze/hir. its all made up anyway do what makes you feel good

multigender people exist. you can be a boy And a girl. you can be a girl And nonbinary. there are literally infinite options

the only persons gender you should care about is your own. everyone elses is none of your business. if you see someone being trans the 'wrong' way, no you fucking didnt. shut up. what are you, a cop? no one wants to be a cop.

if you fuck around with your gender and realise you're cis after all, you're not a faker or a trender or whatever. you were just figuring yourself out. thats allowed. detransitioners are valid. but! that doesnt give you an excuse to shit on trans people!!! just because You realised you werent trans after all doesnt mean no one is. your experience is not universal

dont engage with terfs/transphobes. dont send them asks or reply to them. just block and move on. trolling them only gives them more ammo to hate us. it doesnt actually help. if someone sends you a transphobic ask, dont answer it. just block them. its better for your mental health in the long run

i love you, and im proud of you.

[traumatisedbabygay]

update on my gender crisis:

the more i think about it, the only thing tethering me to a gender before was my masking autistic need to follow rules, no matter how arbitrary i believed them to be. Thinking back, my entire life, the idea of gender and gender norms, stereotypes, ect...it just baffled me. Like, what do you *mean* sit "lady like". What is ladylike? Im sat on the chair...isnt that what it means to sit? Or when i was asked the question "if you could, would you be a boy", and my 11-year-old answer was something like "i mean, i dont know. What difference would it make? I guess not having a period would be nice though..."

Looking back, that answer wasnt me trying to make a statement to my friends that "girls can do anything boys can do". It was me going "wait...gender is meant to *feel* like something. And i would feel different if i were a boy? For practicality reasons having the opposite sexes' body would be convenient but thats all it would be. A body". It was me realising subconsciously that i dont know what gender is supposed to feel like. I was looking at gender as an objective thing, some words and terms that i repeated because thats all i knew it to be. And since i didnt feel negatively about it, i never really had to think hard about it.

Its a lot easier to notice a negative feeling thats there, versus an empty indifference somewhere very deep inside. It was relatively easy for me to realise i was gay: i had a friend come out as bi in yr 8, it sent me into a crisis, and then after that i secretly looked at lingerie models photoshoots because i liked the "fluttery feeling" they gave me. Sure, i buried it deep inside me for three years, but when lockdown came and i was with only myself most of the time, my need to pretend faded away, and i finally accepted that i was a lesbian

That was easier because it was a feeling i could place. I could name it. I could, as a physical, objective thing, say that "i am attracted to women and not men." I could give the feeling a name, it felt real. It felt intrusive almost, like the gay thoughts were there so much i shoved heteronormative media down my own throat so i didnt have to listen to them. My lesbianism made itself visible to me in a way that my gender never has.

Every gender identity i read upon, however, still doesnt feel right. Its like the way im feeling is so abstract and distant that it exists outside the boundaries of language. And im okay with that. Im okay being percieved as female, and im okay using she/her pronouns. Im okay being percieved as male (even if i never am bc i present very femme). Im okay being percieved as nonbinary, and idc if someone uses they/them pronouns for me. Aside from he/him, there isnt anything about gender i really feel. And the only reason he/him feels wrong for me, is because it feels too different to what i know...which is either she/her, or just....nothing. Pronouns and gender identities feel like filler words. Terms used just to form a coherent sentence, rather than feelings that i can fully say i resonate with.

I feel nothing when i say "im a girl". Nothing bad, nothing particularly good. I just feel.....indifferent. As if "girl" is a superficial identity that i keep because im avoidant of change. But if i say that i feel like anything other than a girl, i do feel something. Guilt. How dare I say im struggling with gender identity when there are people out there clawing at their own bodies and binding unsafely and self harming because of dysphoria? How could i possibly think that my small feelings of "you know, i dont really get this whole gender thing" means i deserve a label other than cis. Wouldnt that be appropriation? Wouldnt i be taking away the experiences of other non-cis people?

I dont feel cis, but i also dont feel not-cis. And the more i think about it, the more confused I get. I think its all definitely related to my autism, but even the microlabel autigender doesnt feel right. *No* label feels right.

And i dont know what to do about that.

[atransreflection]

Hi! My best friend came out to me as non binary and asked me if I know someone who could give tips. Particularly they’re worried of telling their parents and how to ease them into the idea. Can you give any advice? Thanks and have a wonderful day☀️🌸🌸

Hello ❤ Yes I definitly can, first thing Id like to say is theyre completly free to pm me about it as sometimes situations can differ on personal experiences and relationships with family 😁

Some tips on being Non-Binary that I can think about are as follows:

🌹 Every Non-Binary person is differnt, so all present differntly. You dont need to be androgynous to be Non-Binary, you dont need to wear differnt clothes, or have a differnt hair style, realising youre Non-Binary is an amazing realisation, it means you've finally realised who you are and that you dont need to be stuck in a just male or just female box! Feel free to take this time to learn what makes you comfortable, maybe its wearing prosthetics to relieve dysphoria if you have any, maybe its being able to express yourself in ways that were often seen as the opposite sex, feel free to present however you like, it doesnt invaliate your Non-Binary gender 😁

🌹 Express what changes youd like your friends and family to make to help make things easier and less uncomfortable for you if there are any, maybe youd prefer to use differnt pronouns from your given ones? Maybe youd prefer they refer to you as their child instead of daughter/son? Maybe youd like to be refered to as a differnt/new name? Telling people what would make you more comfortable allows them to begin doing so, as im sure they will want to support you and help - those who dont ill talk about below.

🌹 Understand not everyone will agree with the Non-Binary gender. Its obviously really intolerant and ignorant of those that dont, but being Non-Binary is still a very new concept to many people. The best thing to do for those who dont agree, or simply dont know anything about it, is educate them. Explain what being Non-Binary means to you and others, express how you feel about your realisation. If they try to listen and learn, great! Keep it up :D If they dont even try and continue to be dismissive, you may need to try again at a later date, or even cut them off if theyre being disrespective - some people, especially the older generation, wont listen or even try to understand. Its your choice how youd like to go about these situations, but iv personally cut off those people if they dont even try to understand and are just being transphobic. Just remember, just because theyre family, if they dont respect you and how youre feeling, you dont HAVE to interact with them or like them (this can be difficult if you're younger and still living at home - for now id say try and be neutral with them, even if its hard - things will get better, I promise)

🌹 IF you have dyshoria, feel free to explore certain things to relieve it, like binding (afab) or padding (amab), prosthetics, name and pronound changes

🌹 If youre UK based, book into the gender identity clinic immediately. Theres currently a 2 1/2 + year wait, so even if youre not considering things like hormones and surgeries, its best to get on now as they also provide things like gender therapy, and you may decide later on that youd consider it, so its best to be on it just in case

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

When it comes to coming out to your parents, see how they feel about the lgbt community first. Normally people will express how they feel about it in daily conversation, so you should get a feeling for it from this. Hopefully theyve discussed it, if not, bring up conversations about it, such as trans and other lgbtq celebrities, even non-binary celebrities. Slowly intigrate it, show that you have an interest and get them thinking about it. Show you have a knowledge about it, share this knowledge with them. If you're going to change anything aesthetically about yourself, do so slowly, let them see these changes. They should start to get the idea that something is going on, they may even ask you themselves - if they dont, id recommend sitting them down after doing this for a while. Be blunt at first about who youve realised you are, give a short explanation about what this means to you personally and even how youve come to realise this. If all goes well, youre good! Just inform them of things youd like them to do BUT, understand it may take time for them to get things like pronouns and names right at first, remember, theyve known you as X for a very long time - for me, as long as I can see theyre trying, thats all that matters :) But IF they dont have a very good reaction, take a step back and think about what you could of said differntly, dont think its over, they dont accept you - theres still hope, maybe they just didnt understand, maybe they thought they were loosing you or youre changing and they dont like it - remind them youre still you, but you've found out that youre Non-Binary, and that this is really good because you can now begin your journey to being much happier in your own body, they should want you to be happy :) So take the time over the next year or so to talk about it with them, let them know they can talk to you and ask questions ❤

[coridallasmultipass]

Tmi / talk about menstruation and iud / venting / but i just wanna get this out, and maybe someone else is in the same boat as me because ive never been able to find any accounts of similar experiences ... I wanna preface this by saying im 26 and have rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia/chronic pain, which is probably related but i dont know how. I normally have super heavy periods and debilitating cramps, along with discomfort during penetration (or similar activities) on some occasions. Ive tried a couple different birth control options over the years and each one has given me constant cramping. Its weird because the cramping on the pill (2 or 3 different kinds of BC pills in different times of my life) and depoprovera shot were the same in that i would get terrible cramps whenever i did any kind of activity but especially when i stand up from a sitting position. I remember being in college and standing up and having to immediately sit back down hunched over until it passed. I got the depo shot a few months ago and it was the worst thing ever. I had severe cramping with all kinds of movement (and havent been able to even touch myself without setting off the cramps) and after a month of it i started bleeding for a month straight until a doctor gave me estrogen pills on top of it to stop the bleeding. The pills stopped the bleeding but not the cramps, so the plan was for me to wait it out and try an iud next since the medicine would be administered locally instead of by pill or shot through my whole body.... three months during the depo shot i could not exercise or do any physical activity, which of course is making my fibromyalgia and mood worse. I feel like ive lost a whole year to the depo shot, on top of other health problems that have been acting up before the depo. It sucked and im not trying it again. I had about 2 weeks until the mirena iud insertion where i was taking the estrogen pills and still cramping (along with getting a full heavy and bad cramping period during the vitamin-pill week while i waited for the prescription to come in. The cramping was so bad i almost wanted to go to the emergency room, but it lessened by the next day even if i was still going through so many pads.) Before the iud insertion i took a pill the night before which the doctor said could help loosen up my organ to allow for easier insertion since ive never had a kid. I knew i could expect a lot of pain given how sensitive i know i am, but the few people ive heard get them said it was only really painful during and they were fine after, so i figure i could be strong and deal with it if its going to help stop my monthly cramping and bleeding. Turns out the insertion was the worst pain ive ever felt in my life. Normally having a speculum put in already puts me in considerable pain (a speculum feels like a shard of glass shoved in me) but it pales in comparison to getting the iud. I was crying out and struggling to stay still during the proceedure but once it was over i hoped it would start to feel better. It burned with pain and still does days later. I didnt realise i would get severe cramping immediately after the insertion, but i could barely stand up. The doctors had to let me stay in the room for like a half hour before i could limp back to the car. Im lucky i had my mom to drive me home because i could still barely breathe it hurt so badly. I took tylenol about a half hour before the proceedure but i dont think it did anything. I couldnt take advil because of other medicines im taking. So the only other thing i could do is lay there screaming in pain with the heating pad pressed on me. A few hours later my mom had to call an on-call doctor from the same hospital and he said to go to the er so we went. The rest of the night is kind of blurry i was in so much pain and could barely think. The er gave me a painkiller and later a muscle relaxant before telling me i have to stop my other meds so i can take advil. I was there for like 6 hours i think, feeling waves of terrible cramps that feel like a knife is slicing the inside of me - the same feeling as the iud insertion. I feel bad for everyone who had to hear me screaming every 10 minutes and my mom who had to stay with me. The doctors kicked me out immediately after giving me advil and i went home barely able to even walk or move. It took me another 2 hours to manage to fall asleep even though i was so exhausted and had the worst chest and body pain from being so tense at experiencing the worst pain of my life. Nornally, if unmedicated, ill get periods so bad im screaming in pain, but it will only last 1-2 hours until the advil or tylenol kicks in and dulls it down to a bearable ache, so this iud was supposed to be my fall back on options to eliminate cramps. (I really wish the doctor would just let me get a hysterectomy i dont ever want kids and this whole situation is giving me severe gender dysphoria) Yesterday i spent the whole day sleeping off my traumatic er experience and today im still getting really horrible waves of cramping and nausea. Thankfully im not bleeding (...yet?) But it still feels like having a tampon being yanked out of me that wont come out. The knife feeling isnt there so im not screaming, but the cramps are still so bad and i dont know if i need to take it out. The er doctor said to take it out if the advil doesnt help, and that this is most likely anxiety making the pain get out of control. The er nurse said this is normal. Like??? How the fuck to people deal with this im scared about taking it out because thats probably going to hurt even more. I forgot to ask my prescribing doctor if theres a risk for toxic shock or something but like i dont have a fever its just so painful feeling it there. The placement is "right" according to the ultrasounds but it hurts so much and is still giving me cramps I really dont know how anyone could deal with this the whole thing is so upsetting i want it out but i dont want to deal with the proceedure to get it out and that same severe cramping i dont think theyll allow it to be a surgical removal but i wont be able to sit there and deal with it again!!!! Just thinking about all of it is giving me more anxiety too, i have such dysphoria about my internal organs and such a terrible phobia about even having them!!! This amount of cramping should not fucking be "normal" i hate being invalidated at the er like that God i just dont know what to do the cramping is so bad and im still scared of getting an ulcer from the advil. Thats another thing. A year ago i got an ulcer from taking advil because of period cramps, so ive been suffering taking tylenol! Thats why i want a BC that works to get rid of cramps and bleeding!! Now here i am with the worst cramps and bloating of my life!! How am i expected to function like this!!! I dont remember half of the past few days because ive been in so much pain!!! I can only hope this gets better because it feels worse today than it did yesterday, even if its not as bad as the day before when i had the insertion done. The doctor said if im still having the same kind of cramps ive been getting with the other types of birth control after a month i can look into other options (hopefully hysterectomy!!) But thats so far away and i havent been able to practise driving or apply to any jobs because i cant fucking do more than sit or lie down because of the god damn cramps Ive lost like all my personality and enjoyment of life and lost any one i could call a friend because this is consuming me and i cant fucking do anything i hate it i just want something to go right for once i want to be able to exercise again i love exercising and i havent been able to go for a walk without getting winded and severe cramping I cant even find other people that get cramping on birth control when standing up or doing activities so i dont know why this is happening to me ive looked everywhere i can and all i get is dysphoria because """"mensutruation is a womens health problem"""" and my phobia of pregnancy makes it impossible to browse forums I dont know what my point to all this is i just really need to vent because i feel so alone with this specific problem Life sucks and then you die i guess lmao

[vodcar]

i agree with parts of that post but i fundamentally reject that "living as trans" happens in interaction with others. thats almost always pretext for "you're not your gender until you look xyz or do xyz", basically the same idea that you're not a woman until you "live as a woman", which is something that somehow keeps remaining unexamined for its cissexism and the harm in those societal norms. and it makes it impossible for non-binary folk to "exist" because they are not acknowledged by society

thanks for ur thoughts felix !! definitely an aspect i didnt think about on the post.So first up in response, I think that you’re absolutely right about the danger of making transness or ur gender as something that always and only is about how others perceive you. I dont like this point of view at all (thanks, contrapoints).However, on second reading, I wouldn’t be so quick as to nail the post down to this point, I think the post absolutely does incorporate that position of self-realisation and actualisation of one’s own gender:

our transness takes shape and acquires consequence in relation to the world; it is a certain set of behaviors and relationships to our selves, our bodies, and others that place us in opposition to gender as a social system

transness is a way of living, in relation to yourself and the world, and no one needs a psychiatric diagnosis to live a trans life.

so yeah, here i reckon there’s absolutely scope for placing an emphasis on one’s own relationship with oneself. My reading here is that in considering this relationship to the world and the ‘opposition to gender’ we can (and imo must) place our own subjectivity first. When i was interrogating my gender, and questioning the feelings i was having when being gendered as how i was then perceived, it was about the internal thoughts, feelings, and responses i was having when going up against the world. for me, this was the thing that first let me know that something was up, and i eventually found that womanhood was the place that i wanted, and realised later that i have always wanted, to be. Further, this is what matters most to me moving forwards with my transition and my womanhood, my lesbianism. And it is here that similarly i find comfort, fulfilment, and a kind of primacy that allows me to make sense of my life ever since i was a kid.

On to the second point about ‘comforting’ ‘essentialism’ here. I’ll admit that I’m not 100% sure what your second ask means, so pls help me out if i get something off.To clarify this point:

we continue to fixate on the idea of an essential transness because it gives us comfort, as well as the easiest answers.

I think the post is not saying “if you find your identity comforting, it’s essentialism, which is bad.” but instead saying “basing transness on essentialism is done because its comforting, which isn’t necessarily right or a good thing to do.”So like, its not: “oh you’re comfortable with being a man? that must be essentialist!” but rather: “If you say, ‘I was born this way, [or] i was a woman trapped in a man’s body’ you’re finding comfort in an essentialism.”(im not going to say more because im not sure i understand the last bit of your ask: “and considering that as a self independent of behaviours or how i'm perceived by others is not "comforting" to me, which is so often used as a word that dismisses some experiences in lieu of others'.”)I will say that there does seem to be, as you rightfully point out, a tendency for the left in trans theory, to see the system of gender as something that is oppressive and therefore any experience with it must be uncomfortable or degrading. To a large extent I agree with the analysis of gender as a system is something to be suspicious of, in late capitalism especially, however, I disagree with the motion that therefore we must disengage with gender totally, or always find it traumatic to exist within no matter what.My disagreement comes in two parts:1. it often then makes a call for the abolition of gender no matter what, disregarding many native traditions of gender and alternative systems of gender arose and still function largely (if not entirely) outside of western/capitalist constructs. Denying gender carte blanche without applying a postcolonial or aptly historical materialist lens to the case often leads to racist conclusions. I also think that it does try to tack on an ‘if’ or a ‘but’ to trans people’s identification by placing conditions on that identification that do not exist in the world, and only exist by means of a thought experiment. “if gender was abolished, would there be trans people?” “If dysphoria was no longer a thing, would trans people still need surgery?” I think these questions only ever point to a utopian project in which the material conditions in which things like ‘trans’ and ‘gender’ are completely changed beyond recognition. Systems of gender have been in place for most of human history, and employed to various levels of discrimination or celebration. to eliminate these things, it would take the destruction of capitalism and probably a thousand years at least, by which time technologies, social relations, everything, would have changed so completely -so what is the point of time-travelling trans people to this realm? go read about indigenous history if you’re that interested in alternative approaches to gender.2. i think it moves away from what we should actually be doing in the real world with regards to trans rights activism which is advocating for the ability to freely, informatively, and consensually gender oneself. talk of throwing out gender entirely is, although illuminating at times about various subjects, fundamentally disregards the pressing issues of today such as free universal access to trans healthcare, raising kids without gendered trauma (a feminist issue as well), eliminating transphobia etc. etc..I think the post does kinda get at this stuff (in 2.), asking how medical diagnoses are effecting trans people and how we think about ourselves and the bad effects of that, and indeed how cissexist society is only ever talking to itself whilst processing trans people within it.Hope this kinda makes sense???? Again, pls feel free to hit me up with any responses, questions, or where i’ve misread you lol.

[feraldavestrider]

Honestly when you started saying you need dysphoria to be trans I was this close to hitting the unfollow button but I agree with you. sometimes people say "I don't have dysphoria I'm just happier as this gender" and like ??? maybe you should consider how happy you actually were before whatever transitioning you did. Sometimes I feel kinda empty and don't wanna do things. I'm not sad and I can deal with it indefinitely but guess what, that's still depression. Not all dysphoria is obvious.

yeah!! ill be honest i was mostly frustrated and i just woke up when i wrote that stuff so i wont b surprised if i lost some followers who didnt get what i meant/thought i was truscum/transmed,,,, or if ppl just dont agree which is life. but im glad u got what i meant!

**edit i made before i posted this i say “you” a lot in this and i mean like a general audience you mostly pointed towards like. op and those that agree ok note over**

i by NO means am trying to police ppls identifies or suggest that all experiences w dysphoria are the same. or that u should ever need to share details on those experiences! you dont owe anyone anything.

my main issue is that “tucute”/mogai tumblr propagates this idea that you can just be trans without feeling any discomfit w ur agab, and the associated name, pronouns, ur physical form (ie some various forms of dysphoria). because then what are we boiling being trans down to???? saying youre trans/nonbinary just bc you may dress in a gnc/non conventional manner or because u act/talk/have certain hobbies that are gendered in a way that doesnt fit ur assigned gender???? if you genuinely feel NO issue with ur agab at ALL then chief... u probably arent trans!! and thats ok! a lot of ppl i know have ided as trans at some point in their life and actually realised they were experiencing something else, like body dysmorphia or internalised lesbophobia. 

like u said, dysphoria can sometimes just be... not bery apparent. it can be silent, but its still there. im very skeptical of the idea of ppl habinf gender “euphoria” without the dysphoria n using that to explain their transness but mostly bc i just beliebe those ppl r dysphoric without realising it, probably bc of mogai/tucute tumblr culture! i.e. i didnt realise how bad i actually experienced name dysphoria until AFTER i changed my name basicaly everywhere except legally and w my family. bc i was like huh! im so euphoric at being called gabe, but i didnt think i felt thay dysphoric at my birth name! but NOW when i get deadnamed, it like. HURTS most of the time. dysphoria can change like that w ur life experiences, and euphoria doesnt exist without the dysphoria, evem if u arent aware of the dysphoria in rhe first place! like u said anon, how okay could u be w ur agab/birth name/assigned pronouns/etc if being called different ones make u so happy. its just dysphoria!!!

! u just have been indoctrinated by this tucute v truscum war where both sides treat dysphoria as an all encompassing tragic, epic life long suffering. truscum act thay way in order to gatekeep who is/isnt trans, and mogais decided thay RATHER than go, “no dumbass dysphoria can be literally just. hih i feel Wrong abt my agab” even if thats a vague and complicated feeling, they went: ok then we dont need dysphoria fuck u! which i INDERSYAND but its just not right or helpful!

 often dysphoria can change w experiences and comes and goes, and sometimes parts of it are so hodden u wont realise it was there until years later in ur life! and thats ok. you dont have to experience every symptom of dysphoria at 100% tragedy pain mode to be a valid Real Transgender. all you need to be trans is... to be trans. which means dysphoria! bc being trans is being uneasy/unhappy w ur assigned gender bc u arent that! and guess what the definition of dysphoria is... being uneasy and unhappy! so being trans is just having gender dysphoria!

on that note, i think that ppl who DONT actually feel uneasy or unhappy w their birth gender but do want to experiment or explore different modes of expression w names/pronouns/dress style should! but just note tjay like... ur probably just gender non comforming, not transgender

i guess being nonbinary is a little more complex but id argue my point still stands. you are uncomfortable w ur birth gender. thats dysphoria. maybe ur dysphoria seems “”””weird”””” bc ur nb dusphoria but its not. its still dysphoria!  if ur afab and u still want to have long hair... thay dossnt mean u dont have dysphoria. if ur agab and you still want to have armpit and leg hair... thay doesnt mean u dont have dysphoria. whether ur nb or binary trans! bc. you WILL have some form of social/personal dysphoria that is what makes u go HM ASSIGNED GENDER BAD! 

ok im done for now im abt to sleep and then get on an 11 hour plane journey so dont expect anything gr8 from me now or anytime near in the future sorry for my big rants but i just feel like tumblr is so black n white on this issue when both aides are! stupid (obviously transmeds/truscum r worse but still!!! mogai tend to get me heated in a New Fun way). 

sorry 4 word vomiting anon bit thanks 4 ur ask i wasnt sure if anyone would get where i was coming from n im glad u agree!!! thank u fr for sending tjis in. habe a good noght/day/whatever 

[slmnbagel]

Um for the trans questions thing.... what does dysphoria actually feel like? How do you tell that what you’re feeling is dysphoria and not something else, like depression or just hating your body because you feel ugly? Sometimes I think I might be trans or nb or something but I don’t know what that’s supposed to feel like, or if what I’m feeling is what I think it might be. How do you tell? How do you know for sure?

long answer ahead lol

i think about this a lot because of how incomprehensible the feeling is and how difficult it is to describe it to someone whos truly cis. because a lot of people translate it as feeling like ur “born in the wrong body” ugh but that just is too broad and not specific enough, though obviously its hard to be specific when everyones experience is different

for me it was hard because i hated my body for a number of reasons and i didnt realise gender dysphoria was part of it until i started to lose weight and workout and stuff and even though i was happier, i was deeply unsatisfied because there are things you just cannot change through that, like body shape and how the fat sits on ur frame. for me, i just felt every part of my body was the wrong shape, but i felt non binary enough to not seek hrt at the time because i didnt hate being a seen as girl. honestly that side of things i was fine with tackling on my own because your identity is something so internal that as long as i felt i knew what/who i was…i didnt need validation from others, if that makes sense. i could be non binary in my head without having to physically change anything about myself, i guess

but i guess thats the difference, the level of dysphoria people have affects how much about themselves they feel they need to change in order to feel right? and eventually i realised how it wasnt enough to feel comfortable in my head because the level of physical discomfort was affecting my mental health and whenever i looked at cis guys bodies i was like wow lol why isnt that me :) and even trans guys on t i envied

as for how do you know for sure....my honest answer is you gotta get talking to people about how you feel because through their questions you realise a lot more about urself, whether u talk to friends of family or people online or a doctor. i know the further i got in my treatment the more confident i was that i was actually trans, whereas when i was first coming out i was terrified, i thought i was non binary, i didnt think hormones would help even though i wanted them etc etc 

hope ur doing well anon, ik this message was sent 4 months ago

(this is referring to a post i made a while ago asking ppl to ask me questions about being trans, mainly i just wanted to know whats on peoples minds but i think i want to try answering some as well now!!)

[bigtransmoods]

Soooo I wanted your opinion on a thought I've had if your up to it; The only main stream stories about gender dysphoria might be so intense and severe that people who have milder gender dysphoria think they don't have it? [like thinking "I don't want to kill myself all the time so I don't have dysphoria. I didn't *know* when I was little, and dysphoria is specifically horrible pain and suffering all the time, and I dont have that"]

I dont think I’ve seen a lot of mainstream stories, personally, that are about someone who has dysphoria this intense that they say, “I want to kill myself all the time because of dysphoria” but lets say this is the case. No, dysphoria isnt horrible suffering and pain all the time, people need to stop assuming it is, that is wrong. I can go from mild to severe gender dysphoria, meaning its not constant suffering, and if anything it doesn't make me question, or most of the trans people that I know, if I am or they are actually trans. The thing is people who experience gender dysphoria on any scale are transgender and this is why I don’t see a lot of mainstream stories about transgender people who have crippling dysphoria, if anything I see a lot of people WITHOUT gender dysphoria transition; which is really fucked up. I’d think for someone who has mild gender dysphoria, if they have looked into it and actually know what it means than they would realise, without the media, that they are transgender still. I understand doubting yourself, but I don’t doubt my identity because I see other people online who are like “I wanna die because of my dysphoria.” We all just have different levels and thats okay, there is no right way to get dysphoria. Of course some people dont know when they are little and I send my love for the people who think “Oh I didnt feel that way as a child, I must not be transgender,” because it needs to be more recognized that some trans people do not realise until they are older. I just thought I was tomboy... Some people just shrug off their feelings if its not so severe... Just because you find out later in life doesnt make you any less valid at all. You are still transgender, dysphoria can come at any age. It doesn’t discriminate unfortunately because then atleast some of us would of been able to escape it, but no it doesnt. Its always around somewhere, whether its at the start of your life, the end, or in the middle.As answer to your question, of course these may be the relliant factors on why some people with different levels of gender dysphoria feel as though they dont have gender dysphoria.

I hope this helps, this is only my take on it :)  

[enbiesheartenbies]

A-Very-Long-Post-In-Which-I-Answer-Asks-That-Have-Been-Building-Up-In-My-Inbox-For-2-years

Yep! I’ll delete it but I won’t copy their information, it feels wrong to do so. 

@ultrawafflehouse @nb-allstar hey guys! look at this!!! 

Try not to worry about it! I’m in my teen years and I haven’t been kissed either. It will come, try not to rush it and don’t worry :)

Probably not, sorry. there are many accounts that are for that purpose though!

Each person has different experiences with being nonbinary. You’d best be going through the nonbinary tag or something similar and read about it. That’s how I found a lot of stuff out. Also, YouTubers like Ash Hardell have some really good videos on being nb and general LGBTQ+ stuff

There are a lot of nonbinary people that are okay with he/him pronouns and she/her pronouns. Questioning your gender can be a long and confusing journey. It’s okay to take your time. And for the csa part, I don’t know. I believe you’d need to research that yourself, from reliable sources of course and if you were comfortable with it.

@ahhthehorror i have no idea. i go between saying it like “gay” and bye with a g

Yay!! I’m so glad. This is why I made this blog, there are tons and tons of wlw and mlm blogs but so few xlx/nblnb blogs!

Same here! I didn’t realise it at the time but a lot of my dysphoria came from my hair. I remember coming home from finally getting the hair cut I wanted I just stood in front of the mirror in shock because I actually recognised myself. It was the weirdest and best feeling ever. I’m so glad you are feeling more comfortable with yourself!!

Is this me? Did i send an anon to myself? because this is the biggest mood. i do exactly what you described everytime i see someone attractive. 

You could be nonbinary who just doesn’t care if theyre called their agab (assigned gender at birth, basically when you were born the doctors looked between your legs and went “haha yes this is a *insert binary gender*”). Thing is I can tell you what you’re gender is, i can tell you what it might be but thats it. Its up to you to work it out and you have a whole community that will support you. Sure, its a bit confusing but honestly when isnt gender confusing af?

Sure! i cant remember if i have done this yet and ill probably forget again because my memory is shit but i will try my hardest not to forget!

this ask, this ask right here has been haunting me for 2 fucking years. i started getting the photos for this but then like 4 people didnt reply to me and i just gave up. i think im just gonna post it unfinished because this moodboard has been weighing me down for so long (most of that was a joke, but it has been a moodboard that been 2 years in the making and i do think about it at least once a month)

I apologise so much that it took me this long to finally answer your asks, i am really bad at it and rarely notice when i get a new ask. 

[lesbitchka]

Mogai Hell: age NINE I told my parents I love girls, 13, still love girls, 16 get tumblr, 18 date a guy, don’t want to have sex with him so I went through, bi, bi aro, ace aro, bi ace, pan ace, bi Demi ace, I dump the guy at 20 to realise I really am the lesbian I’ve predicted since I was born

+

another mhd story for you > heterosexual > bisexual > lesbian > demisexual (after i discovered mogai) > asexual > autochorrisexual > demisexual > aro-ace > demiromantic asexual > homoromantic demisexual (after i fell in love with a girl) > demi-homoromantic homo-autochorrisexual (worst point) > and now i accept that im just a lesbian!   

+

i used to id as pansexual demiromantic bc i wasnt totally against the idea of sex with men i just didnt wanna date them but! turns out im a lesbian and much more comfortable with myself          

+

when I was deep into MOGAI I was told that bi=attraction to your gender and other genders, but not necessarily all genders; ply=attraction to more than one but not all; pan=attraction to all. I identified as ply, saying I was attracted to all genders but men. Bet you’ll never guess what my actual orientation is 🙄 ofc I was identifying with a bunch of ~aro/ace spectrum~ labels first before I could admit that im a Lesbo and when I did come out I lost my mogai “friends”             

+

mhd: straight girl - bi - biromantic homosexual - no labels - lesbian

+

I feel like it’s a common lesbian experience for lesbians who were confused by mogai to say “I’m pan but demi towards guys” like damn I really was a dumb ass huh anyways I’m lesbiamism and 🔪towards guys            

+

I first ID’d as straight ace > panromantic autochorissexual > polyromantic cupiosexual? > aromantic ace > definitely lesbian but maybe ace. Definitely lesbian tho 👌🏼            

+

MHD !! cis bi girl > cis lesbian > gnc(i know this isn't a gender identity but thats where i put my Dysphoria Feels at the time) cis lesbian > agender polysexual (girls + nb ppl) > agender asexual panromantic > > asexual biromantic demiboy > bisexual trans man (i should clarify that thinking i was a lesbian wasn't a result of mogai stuff and i think there would have been 3 or 4 steps here if i hadn't encountered mogais)            

+

i went thru a HARDCORE mogai hell phase. straight girl > bi girl > pan girl > grey ace pan-lithromantic pangender > akoi-polyromantic asexual pangender > panplatonic biaesthetic akoi-panromantic demigirl > aroace panplatonic demigirl (i was in a qpr 🙃) > aroace bi (yikes) demigirl > bi-ace agender > aroace trans guy > turns out i'm bisexual and genderfluid!            

+

here's my lengthy mogai hell denial story: cis het girl --> cis bi girl --> non-binary bi person --> non-binary biromantic asexual --> non-binary biromantic gray-asexual --> non-binary autochorissexual (jfc) --> bi trans guy --> gay trans guy.  i thought i was ace for 2-3 years because i wasn't constantly thinking about sex. now i'm finally comfortable with just being a dude who's attracted to dudes.            

[gaymingvideos]

i wanted to ask you some things about gender (if its okay of course!). i dont really care about pronouns or my appearance and my dysphoria is v small (im afab) and i feel like i might be bigender but idc about labels as much so im going by nb. something that i did notice is i dont like gendered terms describing me, boy is one of a few im actually comfortable with (1/2)

but also seeing people use he/him is kinda weird? i feel a little disconected when i see someone reffering to me as he, i just think ‘wait thats not me what’. idk if i just didnt get used to it yet or if its general confusion. anyway i was just wondering if you had any similar experiences. have a lovely day! (2/2)

hello flower! labels aren’t really that important. you know that you’re nonbinary and that’s great!! you don’t need a label for your gender if it seems hard to find one. and this is just from my own experiences but i think it’s quite common for nonbinary people to be happy when called by a term that isn’t your assigned gender. whenever my sister calls me her brother i get really really happy even though i am not a boy either. i think it’s just because anything is better than being called by your assigned gender and terms related to that. so just because you like being called a boy doesn’t mean you are a boy! you could be, but maybe you’re not

pronouns are another thing… i’ve been using they/them with myself since i realised i was nb and it feels good. have you tried those? he/him is a big change if you’ve been called “she” for a long time, especially if your gender dysphoria isn’t too bad. and your pronouns don’t have to match your appearence, as long as they feel good to you it’s all good. you could try out some different pronouns and see which ones fit? i hope i’ve helped at least a little bit, good luck to you 💓