#and thats nobody's fault
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I am so tired of being sick and exhausted. What's worse is that I know it only feels this bad because I'm having a surgery to help with this in a few months.
Doesn't really help with the things I need to do now though.
#i am trying my hardest not to go whine to my friends#bc though they mean well i doubt theyd understand#and niether of the people i want to talk to / that i want comfort from are in my timezone#and thats nobody's fault#its just sucky
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Okay challenge mode. You are a therapist and Eridan Ampora from Homestuck has just walked right out of his intro page into your office. How do you fix him?
put him and karkat in a room with a pile of stuff and tell them they can't leave until they've jumped into it and talked about their feelings
#realtalk therapy doesnt work unless the person getting the therapy puts in the effort to make it work#eridan starts the comic in complete and utter denial that he's in need of help#so there's really nothing i nor any stranger could do about that#HOWEVER he does talk to karkat often about his feelings (and vice versa) and#the reason they didnt hang out during the game seems to be#1) they were on separate teams and didnt realize the teams were the same team until later on#2) by then it was too late and eridan had aggro'd all his angels#3) gamzee was deliberately keeping eridan away from karkat and vice versa (likely bc gamzee had a palecrush on kk)#4) karkat was too busy falling victim to his own insecurities abt being a leader to pay attention to his actual friendships#4a) eg. it shouldve been the time player doing the frog hunt with kanaya & not the blood player#like im not saying moirallegiance with karkat would have fixed all of eridans problems but i am saying#what eridan really needed was a friend who took his problems seriously and could see past his bullshitting#and karkat already WAS that friend - they just never hung out#so by the time the meteor rolls around eridan has spent WEEKS feeling abandoned anxious and alone on his death planet#and karkat has gotten used to not thinking about eridan too much#so karkat - who is basically eridans only actual friend at that point - isnt able to get through to him & eridan snaps#like the thing about sburb/homestuck is that it really stresses the importance of friendship and working together#letting each other help with each others' problems#thats why the smallest viable game is still two people by necessity#so when we see things like gamzee snapping or eridan snapping or vriska snapping#as much as these are the 'fault' of the person snapping they also need to be viewed as comprehensive team failures#the people who should have spent the game together didnt and the people who shouldnt have spent the game together did#vriska was allowed to bully tf outta tavros and nobody intervened#eridan was left all alone and nobody tried to help him#and everybody was mean to gamzee and nobody tried to connect with him#and you know whose job it is to make sure the right people are hanging out together? the blood player#and unfortunately our blood player was so insecure that he was doing jobs that werent his to do#im not saying pale erikar would fix homestuck but i am saying pale erikar is a symptom of things being fixed in homestuck
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little wardin e spurrit doodle for perplexplore. yay
#my singing monsters#msm#msm fanart#wardin e spurrit#spurrit#art#my art#both my wardin e spurrit hc design and my spurrit gijinka design#even though they are basically confirmed to be separate#which makes me think#wardin is still out there isnt he?#waow. thats kind of fucked#like hes implied to be still alive#but nobody has a fucking clue where he is#thats sad. i think#okay whatever this is a silly little game about silly little monsters singing and dancing and playing instruments#but its not my fault the game has incredibly deep and intricate lore for a mobile game#whatever! it is what it is#or whatever they say. mm
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i hate that the sonic movies get more advertising and attention from the general public than other sonic media does for a number of reasons but one thing that is particularly annoying to me right now is that because of this when a new sonic game or comic or cartoon or literally anything else that im actually excited for happens nobody seems to notice or care that it exists but now that the big new sonic thing (sonic 3) is something that im not really looking forward to at all im constantly being asked and told about it.. like come onnnnn
#talking about irl interactions not online. in case thats not already obvious#like. i know nobody has actual bad intentions . most of these people do not know enough about the games#to know that the movie is looking like its going to completely butcher the plot of sa2 and that im mad about it#and i dont think anyone irl really knows all the details of my increasingly strained relationship with the scu either#they just know that i love sonic . or even that i liked the first 2 movies depending on who they are . and a new sonic movie is coming out#and im not upset they try to talk to me about sonic i LOVE talking about sonic#but its so frustrating that people seem to only care when the scu is involved. even if they dont actually watch the movies anyway???#and it doesnt end at people only bringing up sonic when its the scu#ive also had many conversations where i mention a game or comic or something and the person im talking to makes it about the movies#like (*mentions i like sonic* ''have you seen the movies''. or *mentions a new sonic thing* ''is it related to the movies'' etc)#like come onnnn we were talking about the games can we talk about the games in a way that doesnt involve the movies for Once#again i know nobody has bad intentions so i feel kinda bad for being annoyed#and its not entirely their fault since a video game or comic is inherently going to be less known than a big movie . but goddddd#this happened a bit with the knuckles series too but not to the same extent that its happening wiht sonic 3
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Someone pissed me off a couple of days ago
So! Below are several links to programs and foundations that promote adult literacy! Hundreds of millions of adults world wide were failed by their education system and now must fend for themselves while trying to read contracts and hospital bills and infographics from the CDC. But they don't have to be alone, and it is never too late to learn!
ProLiteracy: A network of educators, researchers, and advocates which provides research reports, learning materials, and other support to adult education programs. They assist with connecting volunteers to local programs and provide guidance and support to community leaders trying to use their programs' findings to advocate for social and political change.
Adult Literacy League: An adult education program in Central Florida, which aims to provide students with one on one attention to foster growth and confidence. It also offers English Second Language courses and job skills training, and each new student receives a comprehensive assessment to determine the best plan for them.
Saint Vincent and Sarah Fisher Center's Foundational Skills Program: A 100% free adult education program aimed at adults reading below a fifth grade level. It operates year round and is either in person or remote, and they now have a GED testing center that is open to students and the public alike.
Washtenaw Literacy: A free network of trained tutors for adults in Washtenaw County, Michigan.
Adult Learning Program (Las Vegas/Clark County): Free education classes to those lacking a high school diploma, those seeking to learn ESL, and adults who read below an eighth grade level. Also assists in students' search for gainful employment. Nevada got so fucked by COVID and the education/literacy numbers in the South West are grim. Please help these guys.
Hawaii Literacy: In addition to helping adult residents of Hawaii Island learn to read and write AND bridging the education gap in Hawaii's underserved children, they offer computer literacy classes, ESL classes, and a bookmobile. 1 in 6 Hawaiian adults struggle to read and write.
#Not Stories#mutual aid#adult literacy#'uuhhhggg its soooo disappointing when i meet a girl who's like 'yeah omg i luv 2 read'#'and then she only reads booktok trash and grocery store thrillers and manga'#'like come on thats such a turn off :/'#'like aren't you bored??? what about reading The Foundation and War & Peace and Grapes of Wrath where's THAT girl haha'#nobody gives a shit what sort of high school reading list gets your dick stiff! NOBODY!#I'm too busy dealing with the fact that most public education systems hate students of color and anyone with a learning disability#from the very bottom of my very dyslexic heart go fuck yourself#'this chick only read 8 books in twelve months lmfao thats so pathetic'#'i read eight books a MONTH some people really give up after high school'#do you think my great grandfather or his father got to fucking finish high school????#or were they busy getting fucking shot at in germany in two different fucking wars????#thank every god you wanna name that my lunatic mother stopped abusing me long enough to put me through FIVE YEARS OF TUTORING#to get ME literate because that's what it fucking took#I watched more than one kid from my underserved semi rural district drop out at 17 or 16 or 15#because their parents needed a third paycheck or they were gonna lose the goddamn house#10% of my majority black school district graduated FUNCTIONALLY ILLITERATE and not an ounce of it was those kids' fault#our racist ass school district failed them and the district did NOT protect my white ass when I was diagnosed dyslexic#the adult literacy crisis is not about you getting a girlfriend who can discuss Ayn Rand with you#the adult literacy crisis is about us being exploited and neglected and made easier to control and manipulate#reading is FUCKING HARD and learning to read after the age of six is SO MUCH HARDER#so from the VERY very bottom of my VERY very dyslexic heart#FUCK. YOU.
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#talkys#delete later#(this is a meme redraw)#ruined my life is a strong word. and of course theres lots of self blame and obvs ive probably wronged lots of people before#and i dont deserve unending torture for it. right. like part of me doesnt even actually feel ill will toward the other party#because whatever! normal human experience!#the other part is like ohhh okay you lied to and kinda used me + treated me badly then lied again to the point where i found out the truth#from another party so you didnt even have to fess up yourself and now you're back to being happy as if nothing happened#i was just a stepping stone i was just a distraction. ok!#like for real actually ok ^_^ it literally happens to ppl all the time...#<- he keeps experiencing waves of horrific sense of self worth that already wasnt Too Great as a result#ugh. and thats nobody's fault but my own right.... but idk. i cant believe it...! i cant believe someone treated me dis way#and i let it happen... and i would have let it keep happening if an end hadnt been put to it by someone else....#but still. at the end of the day i was the only one left with these thoughts. ykwim. other party has forgotten. got happy ending.#doesnt deserve ''consequences'' but still feels horrific to see and think about. you know?#i literally got all the bad. throughout and after.
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Exhausted that i feel i have to explain every piece of artwork i make so my audience can comprehend what im trying to say. Exhausted that i sorely desire more meaningful additions and discussion from people i show it to but get no comments on pieces of art if it isnt something sexy or humorous. Takes a swig
#making art for yourself does work but after a short time and spending hours on a single piece ido eventually want to share it with people#dont lecture me on this ive mulled it ocer and over in my head more than you think whatever advice think you can say to me i already know#is it enough they just like my art ! well! .#it is but the point here is that if all that can be said about my art is that its just synonyms of''good'' and have nothing to say#about the contents of the art itself i get the impression nobody actually cares to look closer beyond my technical skill. is it good at all#tbh knowing this i would just stop putting more thought into my art to the level i do but thats my nature to just overthink design choices#so its really all my fault. signs. gets mashed into disgusting paste
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Anxiety brain freaking out over the fully imaginary peer pressure as a transmasc to identify with lesbianism and to be a 'butch' slightly undercut by the fact that I have never ever ever in my life id'd as a lesbian and absolutely nobody is telling me that I'm bad or a fake transmasc for not wanting to use wlw terms, except for my anxiety brain
#spitblaze says things#its nobodys fault lmao#my brain just recognizes that like 7/10 transmascs i see on here ID this way and is like 'this is the expectation for transmascs'#even though its REALLY not#'am i a bad person for not wanting to use labels that relate to femininity' no dummy it just means thats not what you are
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something about how jason and piper make leo the best version of himself. the closest he comes to finding peace. and then frank and hazel bring out the worst and most self-sabotaging parts of him. and then jason and piper try to save him and hazel and frank help him die.
#can't even blame frank and hazel because leo was literally tailor made to bring out the worst in them too in ways none of them can control#the fire the dead grandfather thats all nobodys fault they are all looking for their own peace#but jesus christ yknow?#and then percy and annabeth and him#simply do not give a shit#which is fair enough i suppose its all very mutual#leo valdez#frank zhang#hazel levesque#piper mclean#jason grace#its interesting because in trials of apollo the lost hero trio has become the tragedy#whereas in hoo they were the original trio and the most well-suited trio whereas the frank/hazel/leo trio was always going to blow up#bc it was always running on borrowed time the question was just who would pay for it#the c*leo of it all makes this annoying to analyze but i simply do not see it
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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one of my best friends didnt wish me happy birthday but also im pretty sure theyre having a shit day so . its okay i understand. but :( yknow. miss you
#a bunch of other friends who i havent talked to in around a year also havent messaged me haply birthday#which is like. expected. so thats okay. but i miss my friends#whatever#birthdays just dont feel as fun when you dont have too many friends#nobody on heres fault#i just wish i had more irl friends
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okay um ik it literally doesnt mean shit coming from me but to the encore guys im genuinely really sorry for this whole thing idk why you guys got banned (esp cole. who literally wasnt online or part of the argument) and it was like actually kind of fucked that you were after everything was figured out and everyone was calmed down
#i feel like im kind of part of it bc i never. clarified. that i was cool with the channel and jokes and stuff. so thats my fault sorry#for the rest of it im going to be honest#you guys couldve gone about your concerns better and youve already admitted that so i dont want you to think like#i hate you for it or anything#because i dont you guys are so cool#but also i do agree that offbrand and jack couldve handled it better#offbrand left for mental health reasons during all that so he didnt just like leave. bc they didnt wanna deal with it. you know#i get why everyones so upset about all this but i want to remind everyone that offbrand is 14#nobody deals with stressful things the good ideal way and especially not if youre 14#idk none of this really makes sense. i just want you guys to know im sorry#im just kind of upset about all of it which is stupid bc its not like im the one that got banned or argued with or anything
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i really think that all the fellows shouldve got their own episode where they were patient of the week like just imagine imagine the angst
#however much i love nobodys fault#i do wish it was a teo parter ending with either the stabbing or chase waking up post op#and the second part being where chase has a more patient of the week role#like pleeeaaassseeeee#also he shouldve stayed paralysed#but thats neither here not there#house md
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It's absolutely a me thing, probably, but people who say that they hate an author and have the time to reiterate it endlessly but continues to support their work- without ever crediting the good part of the writing that makes them a fan to begin with- irks me so goddamn much.
An author and their work is very intrinsically tied together. They write their beliefs of the world in the text, their sociopolitical stance practically bleeds out from the pages. Of course this isn't the case when you're making a comic or book/any form of media for the sake of it being disturbing, but the point is, I need people to understand that an artist's work is an extension of themselves and you need to respect that especially if it's a work that you love and connect with.
#as someone who's work got toyed with like its nobody's business I need to emphasize on the importance of-#an artist's work that they give time and effort into sharing. HEAVY EMPHASIS ON EFFORT.#this comes from a place of “what. so an artist's property means nothing if it becomes too popular?” that spiraled and so i needed to vent#this is a one piece blog and maybe im talking about Oda and fans of his work but its really every damn piece of media you choose to consume#“i hate this author & how they portray this” and you'd make paragraphs of criticism (which is incredibly valid!) but in the same discussion#i seldom see “this was done well” “this scene was incredible” being attributed/credited as being due to the author's effort and creativity#if you hate the way it was done then its the authors fault but if you love it then you're not giving them praises for it#< something like that#rambles#this is my take on a select few fans mind you#i just hate it when people call someone stupid and still have the gal to say oh i love the work but not the “stupid” person behind it#be more empathetic. seriously#anyways !!respect an artist's work!! thats *their* property and *their* time and effort and if you hate it so much-#then don't engage with it. simple as.
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webby would have LOVED mystery flesh pit national park
#my funky guys#shed be sooo fascinated w it#shed be pissed about the comercialisation of it n shit BUT. at the same time if she could take a hike in there?#she would. 100%. and shed be having a blast tge whole time#like. shed have a love hate relationship w the whole national park thing and how irresponsible the whole situation was#bc it WAS shitty and sketchy as hell#but on the other hand she just really really loves the idea of being able to walk around the insides of a colossal beast#so shed be like 'ofc nobody should be allowed to fuck around in there like that wtf dude thats so dangerous and irresponsible#.except for me. they should let ME fuck around!!! fuck the corporation and tourists i would treat her right!!!!!!#*I* would be careful and wouldnt exploit the resources and keep distance from the fauna unlike SOME PEOPLE'#ok well. i mean weblums exist so i suppose she COULD walk around the insides of a giant organism#but still the mystery flesh pit has that certain allure. a vibe. weblums are cool as hell but theyre not an eldritch underground horror#weblums are cool space whales but the mystery flesh pit is .well the mystery flesh pit. cant rlly compete w that#anyway. the pit may be a deatrap but not for her. shed survive. shes special like that the giant lobsters wouldnt eat HER#also webby would be very much on the pits side. its not ITS fault people are stupid?? its just chilling!!! its not evil!!!!!!#'ohh but those arthropods are scary!!! WELL. theyre WILD ANIMALS DIPSHIT ofc theyre hostile. and plus theyre cool as hell'
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😶🌫️
#have yall forgotten how to use tumblr or.#i hate hate HATE complaining but out of 500 notes there are three reblogs with tags like am i going crazy why does nobody say anything#did yall hate the fic or what. bc thats the vibe im getting#im not gonna leave tumblr but i really see why ppl do bc its so disheartening#genuinely i am talking to a brick wall#it really makes me want to not put in the effort to write anymore if no one is gonna say anything to my face#sorry for the vent post but im just frustrated#idk if its my fault or tumblrs fault or no ones fault but#like idk what else to do other than beg ppl to interact. and its not just readers i am fully shaming other authors bc you KNOW how bad it is#and you still refuse to read your friends work#how can you call urself mutuals if you never fucking reblog from each other#its so fake and toxic and im sick of it sorry#im not here to cause drama and i know i sound like a whiny bitch but jesus christ you guys
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