#and thats how ill always remember it
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Happy 10th birthday to Cercerion!
OUGHHH UR RIGHT CERCIE IS 10 YEARS OLD NOW !!!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY BOY BELOVEDEST DID NOTHING WRONG EVER IN HIS WHOLE LIFE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#ALSO IM RLY HAPPY HIS OLD DESIGN IS NOW MUCH OLDER THAN HIS FIRST DESIGN WOAH!!!!!!#since i drew the old one SO MUCH back in 2014 i remembered it as being so super prevalent. that when i changed his head shape a couple year#it took a while to get used to the not boxy head but god it was so much more fun to draw the beak. and now its the standard#and it makes me rly happy fr fr. i actually thought i changed his design like only 2 years ago but it was SIX YEARS WHAT!! HOW TIME FLIES..#ask#cercerion#SORRY I JJST WANTED TO REPOST ALL OF THESE#omg dude this also means u and i have known each other for 10 years thats CRAZY#this photoset is so funny its like he went from being :D to being >:U over the years but i assure you now hes more chill than before#HIS COLORS HAVE NOT CHANGED FOR EIGHT YEARS ALSO WHATTTTT i just chose the perfect hues forever#sobbing and crying i love this guy so much#i dont show him online a lot or at least i didnt as muhc until recently but hes always in my brain#cercerion may as well be a part of my soul at this point#HAPPYU TENTH BIRTHDAY CERCIE I LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BLOWING KISSES INTO A HURRICANE FOR U#windyart#sure ill put it in my tag. this is literally my art
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They are everything to me.
#hyperixating on THESE two is kinda painful. like wdym half the fandom doesnt like them. they are so awesome??? sickos...#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel charlie#charlie hazbin hotel#hazbin charlie#vaggie#hazbin hotel vaggie#vaggatha#hazbin vaggie#charlie x vaggie#vaggie x charlie#hazbin#chaggie#rainbowmoth#varlie#fallenstar#its always the wlw ships too. like wdym yall d ride mlm??? it be the 12 yr old girls too 😒 /hj#charlie ass? yes pls. also yes i gave charlie a tail. i always give random characters tails if i think they deserve it#i think..... i think im getting better at anatomy guys 😨 (im delulu)#definitely better than my first chaggie posts if yall remember that 😭 oh how i have improved for real... maybe ill make a improvement post#i jst wanted to draw ass bro. i know thats not how psnts work#i want tjem both to be so in love eith eachother that it makes me sick. genuinely please let them be such freaks rhat it makes ne bleed#also can i jst saw how annoying those shoulder pads are?? WHY DO ALL THE MEN + CHARLIE HAVE THEM. MAKE HER DIFFERENG SHES THE MC???#omg i just noticed it looks like shes grinding on her knee. ignore that. but maybe she is who knows?? 😝#dynamic pose test. i think its alroght but i still have stuff to improve... im practing 😈#ugh i just want more charlie being madly in love with Vaggie. not you guys. you guys are doing great mwa mwa /p but i mean the show! like#wheres charlie being lovey to vaggie?? shes literally the embodiment of love why cant she show idk... MORE to vaggie? i 💜 chaggie but... ☹️#gay people make me sick /j#yes. charlie IS lovey to Vaggie.. but.... idk its not to the life sacrificing extent like vaggie does? idk maybe i want fan service like 🤨#OH like charlie going demon mode for vaggie. FINALE DONT COUNT. she already was demon mode. i need vaggie almost DEAD and char swoops in id
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Cursed Relics - Longsword
#legend of zelda#loz totk#tears of the kingdom#my art#cursed relics#i left this a bit unrendered... tried a different process and im not satisfied and i want to move on!! mb ill go back to it someday...#i love these lil soldier spirits and i always try to say hello to them even if my inventorys full. sometimes i leave them gifts like apples#i remember reading a fic from the pov of a ghost soldier alone in the depths until link shows up which allows him to go to the afterlife#i think thats how it went... but it always made me wonder more abt the spirits. are they conscious? leftover bits of soul? trapped ghosts?#can they speak? do they choose not to?? are they lonely? idk if theres any true Lore about these fellas but even so... we're friends!!
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college … wasted on the youth (me)
#didnt help that 2/4 yrs was covid telezoom but man.. MANNN#forgetting how impossible it is to pursue rhe degree plan u actually want (advising hell) i feel like . theres just#so many diff things i want to learn now Knowing that im more solidified in my interests and who i am and what i would be interested in doing#and like.😭RGAAAAAQH TEARING MYHAIR OUTTT every other week i have a night where im sititng there like damn i couldve been sm1 completely dif#dgmw i still rly enjoy some of the upper div classes i Did take but what if i took x and liked it more or minored in y and it led me to z#bc i do feel rly set in where i am rn which . i DO ! like it but im never gna be in that environment where u have the flexibility to explore#ykwim . i wish i had taken physics and calc srsly . i always thought i hated that shit but i like it. i like it quite a lot actually😟#or more geology .. urrghh.. sprinkle in sme extra art history . no bc thats what actu pissed me off ab school#i rmbr wanting to dual major and they straight up told me no i cant . but then i was like maybe an arts major bio minor when i wanted to do#science illustration but sry we dont offer bio minor . ok bio major arh or studio art minor . no sry not enough open spots we rly only#reserve it for when we have extra openings post admission❤️#and then even late into sophomore year u would still be last in registration so all the cool classes would be closed#and then bc of covid half that shit was cancelled bc they couldnt transfer labs online (rip comparative vertebrate anatomy)#and then by senior yr an additional collection of classes were unavailable bc u dont have the prereqs bc the prereqs were cancelled during#covid and u dont have enough semesters left to actually take it . like it was gen such an awful experience so ik why i couldnt ever do what#i wanted but .😭 AND LIKE the classes i DID enjoy like genomics or molecular genetics were closed by registration and i had to email and beg#for access . thts crazy .literally crazy .#anyways . i think i want 2 start reading textbooks bc i think thats the closest ill get LMAOO#i remember seeing my coworker read a textbook for fun one time and idk why i just didnt understand why bc it seemed so dry but i Get it now#like yeah .. u knew what was up ..#sad too that like . i could theoretically audit a course but i Work..during the day .. so sad . so sad#guys wht if i just said yes to grad school (<the devil talking.dont agree)
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hm. might fuck around and draw some other peoples ocs just for funsies when I have time its a nice change of pace from what I usually do
#im not gonna do requests since I dont want to promise too much to anyone#but if people are interested in me drawing their ocs I guess like this post? and then I'll go through and find some to draw when I have tim#mutuals I might just draw ur ocs regardless I hope thats okay#ive been wanting to do that for a bit but I always get worried it'll be like...weird or something? IDK but im fuck it we balling#I keep getting really caught up in really big complicated ideas and like#its nice to just draw something a little different than that#I do have some bigger projects on the backburner but I think it'll help to just doodle some new guys as warmups or smth#to remember how to work with the basics instead of like. one million factors.#also who knows if ill stick with this when it isn't 11:30pm but I have been looking forward to artfight and im realizing I dont have to wai
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hello!! i just want to tell you that your art is so goddamn scrumptious, you are literally feeding my xmen brainrot and I find myself smiling when i see your art come across my feed. I love how you draw charles, pretty privilege and post (lets be fr he's serving every time)
i hope you always have fantastic brainrot and id kiss your blessed hands for giving us the gift of cherik and charles xavier, you are literally an icon
hope you have a great day ahead of you and more!! you deserve it !!
well i'ma absolutely have a wonderful mornin after readin this AWWWW thank you so so much !!!! i haven't been postin xmen long, so it's been really heartwarmin seein the warm reception to my work in the wonderful tags people have been leavin on my posts- and especially gettin to answer the lovely asks y'all've been sendin in (❁´ ▽ `❁) !! im glad people also like my goofy text posts and esp quotes from my brother he really has no right being so funny at the most random times
i hope to be xmen posting a while: ive got at least 60 years worth of stuff to look through and ongoing, so i dont imagine my interest'll wane anytime soon :]] !!
#fave#snap chats#'xmen posting' is so generous ive been posting the same two freaks day in day out !!!!!!#my blog desc does not lie i am cherik posting near exclusively because these two have captivated my brain in such a diabolical manner#that doesnt mean i dont love the rest of the xmen cast ofc ..... its been fun getting back into this franchise more in depth this year#its funny honestly: i was more of an avengers kid growing up but like. by the SMALLEST technical margin#i Vaguely caught eps of 92 as a kid and i distinctly remember the 'real raven' scene from first class when i was a teen#because of course thats the one (1) scene i saw as a kid while channel surfing jELJEA like Hello mr lehnsherr. Your zesty turtleneck.#and mystique. hello. but it didnt really go any deeper than that ... until recently HIIIII#i missed the train like a mfer tho all Three of my friends had watched the xmen movies growing up but better late than never !!#i got into comics through my bro and he only really took me to see avengers movies and the like but avengers hasnt really. stuck with me#not in the way xmen has recently. maybe its cause im older idk i just find myself attached to it and more interested in it as a whole#BUT ENOUGH OF THAT PRATTLE thank you so much for the kind words !!! they really do mean a lot i'll cherish this ask forever#im very happy people like how i draw charles i love drawing him sm.... pretty privilege and post thats heinous vjlkjvALVJELKJ#BUT VERY TRUE HE'S ALWAYS HANDSOME THO i love me a bald mfer im so serious this is no game#dark phoenix gets my ire for having mcavoy be bald the whole time but then i have to deal with The Rest Of The Movie#he just looks so good .... i mean Granted but he just looks especially good ... do we catch my cold ... ill stop now ...#point is i look forward to drawing charles many more times in the future Bald Or Not with his ex by his side <3#i dont even wanna post this i just wanna keep readin it. and replyin to it vJEALKAEJKL BUT i must thank you ... so thank you !!!#i hope to continue makin the people happy with my silly postings :]]]
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geniunely not trying to put words in ur mouth im geniunely asking: what do you actually like about persona 5? from all ur rants im just wondering why you didnt drop the game bc it seems (again, im not trying to put words in ur mouth) that it simply not for you? i geniunely have not felt any of the issues you bring up outside of the writing ones and i cannot tell if i'm just easily pleased and not good at discerning what a good game is or we simply have dif things we enjoy in a video game. i hate getting tone across text but im asking out of geniune curiosity im not trying to attack your opinion (;-;)
Nah, i dont feel like ur attacking me, and I hope u dont feel the same when u see my complaints! Lmao. In my defense, I am replaying the game for the first time after completing my first file back in 2020, so alot of the faults i kinda shrugged off in my first playthrough are now glaringly in my face now that I no longer have the confusion and interest in learning the main story to keep me occupied. The game is clunky all the way through, and at some times, even frustratingly so.
But despite that, i do like this game. Alot! Its probably one of my top games ever if im being honest!
This ended up way longer than I intended, so im putting it under a readmore to keep the post short on dashboards
If i had to describe what I liked about the game in the simplest way imaginable…I think I would say, I like how the game makes me feel :) I like the music. I like the vibe. I like the immersion from city to city, and I like the premise! I like the characters and I like the connections you make with these characters! As im replaying this game, i am most excited to see Akira and his comments about the world :) i like hearing everyones voices, I like their little interactions in Mementos, and I like seeing them fight!
P5 is the first game I played in the series; its the game that introduced me to SMT in the first place! And it (smt) is a series that my longtime best friend LOVES and never thought hed be able to share with me! It is a game i keep very near to my heart; it has influenced me in ways i did not think would happen in the short couple of years since i first finished it. It genuinely keeps me awake some nights thinking about the world this game has created, and I think that is a testament to the impact its had, be it good or bad.
The joke about wishing theyd make a persona game that was Good is that despite all of its numerous flaws, the games manage to snatch your attention and pull you in anyway. Imagine if they made a game that had all of those things that i mentioned I loved, but done Right and executed Properly?? Where I got to have a story that made sense and didnt need to be spoonfed to me (in like an HOUR of dialogue and scenes; an HOUR!), and characters that talked and bonded beyond the tiny snippets of interaction theyre allowed to have in mementos? Combat that let me use PERSONAS i liked instead of BUILDS that stop me from getting instakilled throughout the entirety of the endgame, and a Persona building mechanic that didnt feel like I was shooting in the dark looking for possible fusions that end up not even being useful in the endgame.
Ive mentioned it before, but I complain so much bc I have seen what a good p5 game looks like, and its Strikers almost to a T. Combat is still your typical warriors-esque style combat, but it is at least different from the turn based strategy of the main game. Characters talk to each other freely, they hang out and comfort each other in a way that feels more connected that the base game. Strikers implements the ability to see ALL possible fusions with ALL registered personas, not just the ones in your Stock, so you can fuse easily without having yo consult a guide. The story feels like it makes SENSE with antagonists that feel morally grey and sympathetic. Genuinely, alot of the complaints for p5 I had were almost immediately rectified in this game.
But please also know that the praises I sing for this game is only bc of the groundwork laid by p5 and the world it created. Thats what I like about this game, that it had such a captivating premise and cast of characters, that a DIFFERENT company was able to hit the ground running with them. P5 had alot happening in that game, but i think what it had most was potential. The effort put into this game is astronomical, and the possible connections you can outright MISS if u arent paying attention was worth the money and time to implement; even if it meant that it could be considered a waste of resources to higher ups.
Books and games and part time jobs???!! Silly little cutscenes that add nothing to the game PLOTwise, but define and flesh out the personality of your protagonist. There was alot of love put into this game, and its evident by the fact that we have NOT seen a new persona game released; they bank on existing titles bc they are unwilling to make a game like this from scratch again. They dont want to ‘waste’ resources on good voice acting and a complex, overarching story; they dont want to waste money on scenes a player may never see, on routes a player may never get to experience. Making a game that gives u even the slightest bit of freedom means more money in programming and detailing that freedom. This has been an issue for a WHILE, and its a miracle that the gaming landscape had space for a colossal title like p5!
I complain bc I want better, and I do not think that is inherently at odds with my love of this game. In b4 im told to get good; ive played on hard and tested out merciless (its NOT fun, im making godbuilds again and its boring 😞). Its not the most accessible turnbased rpg; theres no colorblind modes, and the affinity system is convoluted and overwhelming. Combo moves are hard to keep track of and it can be incredibly frustrating to see your turns being skipped or seeing characters take extreme technical damage without understanding WHY it happened. The fact that they KNEW the game was desperate for qol improvements by the time royal came out, and instead of updating the base game to have those improvements too, they just pushed the royal edition out for people to play instead. It sucks! Customers and fans deserve better than being forced to shell out money for a game they already played !
As the gaming climate gets more and more hostile and unbearable, I think it is good to look at your games critically, and understand why products come out subpar. Persona 5 is a fun game that has a nice cast and an interesting premise, but it is ultimately tied down by its refusal to build on existing building blocks regarding its combat, and it insists on having insulting and downright out of character dialogue and scenes to appease the audience its designed to be targeted to. It is easy to forget sometimes that queer ppl are infact NOT the prime target of these games, its cishet gamer bros from aged 16 to 40 who will laugh at homophobic comments, who drool over a 16 yr old girl with a 16 yr old mindset and a grown womans body, who need to be placated with constant sexual comments to deal with a convoluted story that will inevitably make zero sense until its laid out for you before the literal end of the game.
Its bad. Its good. Its so shallow and its unbelievable that they thought having the plot twist make ZERO sense until they showed CUTSCENES of YOUR character discussing Goro and his connections to the metaverse for endgame SHOCK VALUE was more important than just having your team be smart and piece it together over time. Its shit. Its literally amazing. It let you FUCK your teacher ??????????????what the FUCK. They also let me shoot a god in the face w the best looking ult persona in the world so i can ignore that shit. And ultimately that is how i got through the game. Lol.
#chattin#answered#i have mentioned it before but i did NOT romance anyone#u know why? bc i literally didnt know it existed#i maxed out ann and the game was like ‘hey. this next decision is important’#and i was like. huh. u know what. i have not looked up a guide until now. thats scary. i dont want to lose a confidant…#and learned that.#so uh. i really DID go through the game bot realizing i could date anyone. even the adults.#anyway. this was alot. and i tried to keep out alot of my other complaints#bc i have so many. but they are like. either nitpicky things or things that are issues in lots of games too#like the models suck in this game but i can look past that. graphics are always bottom on the list of complaints#and i do like the little animations!! i like akiras little tics#and i like seeing personas do their casting animations; shiki ouji and nekomata are my faves#i distinctly remember that being a thing i wished to see more of.#bc i liked thinking of what joker would look like fighting for Real#and then i remembered him being in smash so i was like COOL. ill look at those#and then i got STRIKERS and it was exactly what I wanted#i think#the game is like.#its bad. but in ways that i wouldnt call another game bad#like back 4 blood is BAD bad. its awful. the gameplay is bad. the story was shit. and the servers shut down within a year or two of launch#risk of rain 2 is bad in the way that it continuously obscures and withholds information to the player. its tedious and frustrating#but unlike b4b i LIKE ror2 and will continue to enjoy it.#bc the gameplay loop FEELS satisfying#and ultimately thats how i feel about p5#for all of its faults; its fun. it has a gameplay loop that is consistent and fun when u get the hang of it#im playing on hard again since merciless is just me making the right instakill builds while i pick up my team over and over again#and theres still a challenge in having the endgame weapons and armor#its satisfying! and i think its satisfying bc I was given the luck of having this be my introduction into the series#maybe i would have a better opinion on the game if i came from p4. or maybe not! who knows !
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my wifi was slow as i was drawing, so i scrolled thru my audio files for any music ive downloaded. saw a file called ‘when things get bad.mp3’ and clicked on it. it was ycgma album. fuck . fuck. i am not okay. something about it perfectly portrays self hatred and yet being hollow in the end, after everything. fuck
#just to be clear this is a FUCK WILLIAM GOLD post#i do not support the fuckin abuser#but ycgma will always have a special place in myheart#i think its rly made itd way into my heart and like. rots there or smth.#yea i cried listening to it#njot bc its that sad#it just feel’s empty now#and thats sad#how am i supposed to tell my younger self that itll lose its meaning ?#god#i remember listening to this as i fall asleep#i had terrible insomnia back then#and i struggled doing anything#and i started going on walks while listening to this album#the lyrics are forever engraved in my heart#fuck wss#one day ill make my own fucken cover u hear me
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a friend who'd wait :)
#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol#finn's ocs#finn's art#i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me#and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun#i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past#he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it#he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned#which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them#they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore#but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird#and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place#though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library#and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together#since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door#eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement#barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate#but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd#he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself#but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov#sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3#but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh
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Kinda weird but this is still like one of my fave things I've ever drawn lol, it's just a background study from Shawn James' cover of Arkansas by Damien Jurado (there was a character here too once iykyk lol) but I was Going Through It at the time and painting this was soooo cathartic
#it was the first time that i didnt hate drawing a background lol#and also the song is like a melancholic reflection on a relationship that fell apart#and ill always remember a comment someone made when they reblogged this saying it captured the feeling of the dog days being over#and i was like DAMN wait thats exactly what this is#i had just graduated college and was working overtime and living back with my parents and not doing well with it#and was going through the thought process of like#wait. is this all there is? i just work for the next 40 something years?#the realization that i had taken summer days like the one i painted here for granted nauseated me#and i didnt really recognize it until someone commented that and i was like girl oh naur#for the record working is not all there is#for example: i just got laid off LOL#but real real like there is so much whimsy and joy and freedom in adult life you just gotta make sure you give yourself the time for it#i didnt until like. 2 years ago lol#anyway. normal tags now#painting#study#digital#uhhhhhhh#digital plein air#maybe#its not a secret to anybody who knows what i used to draw that S**** V****** was originally the focal point of this image lol#but i kinda never liked how he turned out and always thought the background looked way better than the character for once#those background leaves could be way better looking if i spent more time on them but i was so thrilled with how the rocks looked#that i was just like alright pack it up boys
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plane scene is so funny cause why is mine a sleeper agent that wakes up whenever daigo is mentioned
can’t wait to see it in dragon engine :3
mine has been the winner for Funniest Character Imaginable for 15 consecutive years and i have yet to see anyone come close i fear
#snap chats#originally i wrote 'funniest character alive' and then remembered. HAH im so funny //throws up//#all my fave charas know how to do is get crazy on planes over men they love its disgusting#utterly hilarious cause after making the last post i went on twitter and they mentioned ANOTHER plane scene i throw up over#diff franchise so not important it is just SIMPLY funny how coincidences work and further confirming I Have A Type#BUT NO BACK TO MINE IT'S STILL SO FUCKIN FUNNY I HAVE TO REWATCH IT#i have to replay it .... all of y3 ...#if anyone remembers my friend from college and how we used to stream she asked me if we could stream#and i was like 'girl i havent streamed in Fuck Ever huh' and yk what maybe i'll stream y3 with her#at the very least ill stream y3 for myself ... legend mode .....#ive beaten y3 legend mode one (1) time and it was the worst experience of my life because if its not shadow the hedgehog#i am not good at the game i am playing !!!!!!!!!!! it'll be funny tho#i remember wanting to do a y3 drinking run but i told myself id stop drinking so i simply think. i will substitute drinking for hot sauce#its an idea im ironing out and i also have to like. properly set up a twitch- or maybe ill stream through youtube#ive always liked youtube streaming more ... at least as a viewer#these are all details for plans i will not be enacting literally any time soon can i stay on topic#the topic being i love mine. i love that plane scene forever the casual Whats Goin On Here :)#and he is the embodiment of :) in that scene casue :] is gen friendly but :) has an underlying aura of Im Going To Kill You#thats him in that scene. and i love him. for the third time. im ending this post now forever and always stan mine#if and whenever y3k comes out i cant wait to see !! but i personally believe that's well and away from us at this point#not impossible since they did mention it but yk. i dont think itll happen within the next year or two#maybe next five or ten realistically. if that jVLAEKJVLAEKJ ok bye fr now
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this sounds rlly dumb but sometimes i forget my actions from the past had an impact on my life today
#was wondering why we R gkinv to michigan and remembered how i was begging my mom to go last year .#i dont want to now but i forgot i had like asked her a bunch bc i wanted to hear from my bio moms family … i dont reallyy need to though#i had forgotten that i had asked so much#but i think itll be fun! yk… ill meet my family on her side finally#hmmm… wearing my contemplate domestic turmoil shirt to the airport since thats what i had on earlier… idk if thats a good idea#my mother always misremembers the turmoil part for terrorism and its WEIRD! i dont wear political shirts#⛄️
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AUSGHEGDHDHHJDHDHHDJDDHDHDDH IM FUCKING AURHFFHHFHDUEHFF SCREAMINB. I JUST WOKE UP AND IM LOWKEY SICK SO MY VOICE IS. SO MASC RN??? IVE BEEN SENDING VOICE MESSAGES FOR THE PAST HOUR BC ITS JUST SO EEEEEEEEEEEEE
#euphoria#i think thats what that is#because holy FUCK#this voice <33333#i want to sound this way forever#and it comes from like#the chest area#wnd it buzzes#and its so nice and like#comforting#and AAAA#plsplspls if this voice leaves i’ll sob#i’ll endure illness forever if it means I always sound this masc#here’s hoping i remember how to do it when it goes#traggy’s shit
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one thing about me is if i find it funny i will fully commit to a bit idc
#like one irl friend will do it with me but she has the same kind of brainrot lowkey but also i like reactions sometimes so ill just commit#thats on being ignored as a kid unless i was being over the top n then still ignored sometimes#i just think reactions r amusing it doesnt always have to be the one i want either as long as i get one bc ill get the one i want eventually#....im mentally ill n will not b fixing it <3#remembering watching a streamer talk about how she does bits at bars just to see reactions n dad was like weird thats psycho behavior n#i was like ....no it makes perfect sense she does that its strangers so they give the best reactions if u get them 2 react#ive said some unhinged shit knowing someone was listening just so see them react my fav was turning being touched as a kid into a rly bad#joke n i got a reaction bc i committed....i should not have committed but it was funny or the time i was like whats the worst thing#that happens if we go to the park at night rn what i get assaulted again 2day? once that one made someone walk away from us which was wanted#i wasnt having a good day clearly n didnt have a good like 3 months after
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attention spans dont real lmao. nothing about the condition or support needs of yr adhd can be measured by measuring yr attention span because the nature of adhd is that attention span is incredibly variable. this is bc adhd is characterized by dopamine seeking behavior and not just a timer until we get bored and go on our phones
#attention span is also variable regardless of the perceived value of the activity#im sure i could pay attention longer scrolling tumblr than in a class. and in that scenario the class would be more valuable to me#but i also concentrate better on swimming (intense exercise) than busywork in school (serves no purpose to me)#thats to say that we arent stereotypical defiant kids who dont want to do anything but play video games#the internal experience of adhd is needing a higher level of motivation and satisfaction to initiate difficult tasks#so mundane things are almost always harder than for someone who doesnt have executive function#ill put it really bluntly. yes more so than usual. take cover#adhd isnt tiktok brain. some of us lose jobs over this shit. some of us cut ourselves over this shit. some of us cannot function.#it is not and will never be a 'man up and get off instagram reels' disorder. it will exist no matter what i do. adhd is part of me#and on many things the world needs to make concessions to us. sorry!#it may not seem like much from an outsiders perspective to 'build back yr attention span'#but when im constantly fucking up and constantly reminded of how my executive dysfunction + lack of focus hurt me#its kind of weird to think that building back my attention span hasnt occurred to me#dont remember who said this but if you dont feel the wind its blowing in yr direction#(this is not a rebuttal to a popular post this is my addition to the discourse about adhd surrounding it)
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seeing a post with a time stamp that says 3 years ago and you just have to sit down for a sec. like god so much has happened and yet it feels like yesterday
#tater rambles#kotlc#<- ig it applies#HI THIS IS ABOUT SPICY FORBIDDEN GATORADE#smth smth how the night changes and how many ppl in those posts are#deactived inactive or just distant#like. ill tell somebody ab then and be like. yeah we were really riding the high of 2020 lockdown but it was really#just a bunch of mostly kids who were queer closeted lonely whatever latching onto a bunch of stuff#that was so utterly ridiculous and yet it still echos today#2020 kotlcblr u will always be famous i remember telling mellie kotlcblr will always feel like home or smth#anyways i was reading the posts while calling a friend and was like. wow this fundamentally changed me as a whole person thats crazy#a stupid post with a gif of molten glass has affected me in ways i cant name#even three years later i still look at those and wanna cry cause its been so long but it doesnt feel like it#ive never wanted to return to a time as badly as then even if it was covid and closeted and depressed we made a little family#sorry im being poetic ab a tumblr fandom again (does this weekly)
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