#and thats all stressful but these changes need to happen and theres a part of me that feels like im making a difference in a big way

[schizosupport]

this is going to be very long and rambly, i apologize. you can answer any, all, or no parts of it, i guess i just really need to blurt it all out to *someone*

for the past 3 or 4 years, ive been having mild (?) transient stress related psychotic symptoms. i suspect i have a cluster b pd which could possibly cover that

at first it was mostly paranoia i think ? usually the standard "theyre out to get me" type thoughts, both with people i knew and nebulous entities i couldnt define. it doesnt happen too frequently, but it seems to have gotten worse with time. this past fall / winter was especially bad bc i was already doing poorly mental health wise and was very isolated. a lot of the thoughts are still paranoia based, but some lean more towards delusions now (e.g. being afraid of the music i left to play from my phone speakers bc i felt it was hunting me down) as well as some that are fully bizarre (e.g. believing that ive been an angel stuck inside a human body my whole life, thinking theres a force field around my apartment thats keeping me stuck inside). for a while there was also this... pervasive sense of unreality almost ? like i would get frustrated that things werent operating on dream logic, or have difficulty differentiating dreams and reality in general. for the past couple months since then, ive had pretty much no issues

i always retain Some grasp on reality, whether its full on double booking or a vague sense of "something is wrong with me right now", which is enough for me to hide away from people and try to calm myself down and ground myself back to reality (... can you even do that with "real" delusions ? talk yourself out of them ?). the symptoms only last a few hours "at their peak", though the unsteady / unreality feeling may stick around for days or weeks surrounding that. im still able to be mostly functional for that part though. as such, nobody knows about any of this.

i just. i dont know. i dont have a therapist (i need one). im too afraid telling my friends will change their views on me irreparably even though they too struggle with (other) deeply stigmatized mental health issues. ive spent a lot of my childhood being called insane and incapable and i dont want it to happen again after ive finally found people that respect me. im worried ill have a full on psychotic break at some point (what the hell counts as "a break" ? can i call what ive been through "episodes" ?), or lose my ability to double book, or display symptoms in front of people i know. i just dont know what to do so im. spilling it out all here. so someone at all besides me knows

-- elias

Hey there,

Sorry it took me a while to get back to you.

It definitely sounds to me like you are experiencing some level of psychotic symtoms, and it sounds like it's causing you significant distress. You asked whether you can "talk yourself out of" a "real delusion" - and well, not as such, until the delusion passes, but they can be more or less long-lived and come with more or less insight.

The types of episode that only last a couple hours at full intensity are sometimes referred to as micropsychoses. When people talk about "a psychotic episode" it usually refers to a prolonged loss of reality that may last days, weeks or even months. But plenty of people on the schizo- and psychosis spectrum don't experience full-blown psychotic episodes. That doesn't make their psychosis un-serious, and it also isn't a given that these people will go on to develop worse psychotic symptoms.

I think one of the reasons the diagnosis of schizotypal exists, is because we needed to acknowledge that not every person's endpoint on the schizo-spectrum is schizophrenia, but that doesn't mean that their experience doesn't come with distress or disability.

I think you could try to do a vibe check with your friends to see how they react to the concept of psychosis and psychotic disorders. If they seem cool, then you could try to bring up your own experiences. It might be nice to be able to talk about those things, and get to experience that it doesn't have to be the end of the world, and not everyone will judge you for it.

I hope you all the best, anon!!

[streamdotpng]

Pork soda by glass animals but make it enid x cairo during the later times of the ortegaverse

Thats right guys, we're bringing back crime boss enid

She's alot colder now after losing her first bitten mate but there's still that tiny hopeless romantic in her that truly makes her enid and it shows when she thinks back on what her and cairo is

It started with enid not at all knowing what she got into. Its to be expected, its only been a year or two since mabel and she was struggling with no money

Cairo happened once or twice when she caught enid with a bottle in some cheap dive bar. It made things feel simpler, like she was some college student stressing over the inability to do tests

But then enid got reminded of the gaping hole of the crimeworld and she really.... She couldnt help it. She had to take the plunge. She needed to do it, not for her but for May.

Timeskip a year or two and here they are now.

She can still love. Ofcourse she can but there will always be a part of her that aches for mabel and she knows that. Nobody could replace her wife but maybe just maybe she can try to open herself one last time

Its unfortunate that cairo can be such a damn brat once things became serious.

Enid gets it, she does. She ran alot too but things are different now. She has a family now, a little babe to watch over and if she has to ache a bit more to keep this family going then she will. Its callous, its mean and its cold. She wasnt like this, she wasnt supposed to be like this

But she is and she cant change it now, not when its working

Because cairo stays.

She is a beautiful songbird with an open gilded cage and she stays.

Good.

Whatever this is, it wasnt what a younger her wouldve wanted.

There is no whispered assurances against her skin, not in the way that is domestic and truly love. Its not unconditional, not like it was with mabel.

But nobody can replace mabel and nobody can turn back time.

So maybe theres no harm in loving like this for just a bit longer.

[heroictoonz]

not going to comment on the ramcoa stuff? yeah thought not.

Crazy how I have a life and a job and didn't give a shit to respond to u when I'm busy n only scrolly tumblr idly but since u clearly got a thing for me ill bite cause you also need my opinions reexplained to you like a child

Also I googled ramcoa cause I didn’t know what that word means (i also didnt know what endo meant till like earlier this fuckin year cause everyone was being very loud and annoying about it) and all I got was "RAMCOA is an acronym for Ritual Abuse, Mind Control, and Organized Abuse." which like. what the FUCK are you even talking about mind control? fucking ORGANIZED ABUSE this is like classic cult aligned shit how does this even relevant to endos and that stuff. please tell me this is a word or acronym for something else that google isnt telling me cause just genuinely huh

listen i took a look at the link u sent i dont wanna post that cause i dont want ppl harassing others on the internet like you seem to want but just for the love of fuck listen to me for two seconds like honest to god read my words and let them sink in

the post you sent me i have literally no context for to me it looks like a shit post. ive made jokes like that before and i need to reiterate that they are JOKES and i am NOT ENDO and i say shit for goofs cause to me and my friends its funny. whether it is or is not a joke is, honestly, not my business. I dont know that person personally i dont know their life i dont know their story so i dont set it as my mission to find people i dont agree with and flip my shit at them. again. life. job. no interest. im 24 and literally not my job to babysit other ppl on the internet i block who i dont like follow who i do and live on w my life (which. highly recommended for all. you too Chuck. makes life so much more livable)

in regards to ur stuff about misinformation the way I see it is people will spread bullshit about just about every topic under the sun. it is, once again, not my job to go around "um actually" everything on the internet. if someone asks me a question i answer if someone im directly talking to has wrong information i try to correct them

When it comes to a lot of people, however, not many of them want to change their minds on things. sometimes some people arent even at a point of their life to be open minded and listen. which, im not gonna stress myself out to correct someone else. Even i had a point in my life where i was so hardheaded and full of hate (it was a weird cringe culture group i was in and didnt think for myself and honestly i caused a lot of damage in that time of my life and even now I regret it. But man thats life. And like if i try to correct and if they dont listen i go okay and dip after a point (which, for you. is prob gonna be here. cause im gonna say all my thoughts here and be done with this conversation honestly also work is suuuuuper busy rn like fr wish me luck w this summer season sobs) theres a part of me that hopes you will either see reason with this reply and chill out or you will continue to disagree with me but at least for both of our sanity stop messaging me either way i wont be replying again to you just so you are aware

now im just gonna be so fucking blunt here. do i believe endo is a thing? (ie: people can be systems without trauma) honestly? i dont know! here is how i see it; im not a medical professional. I have an interest in psychology i have a copy of the dsm5 cause im a nerd (its with my law books. again. im a nerd.) but im no scientist. at the same time; i dont really trust medical professionals all that much? i would like to. really i would. but it always feels like so many of them dont take the time to actually try with diagnosis. too many people of color or fat people and shit like that always say that they are constantly misdiagnosed or ignored due to predigests. again, because i was born a girl i was never diagnosed properly when i was a kid. this happened twice actually! and even then ive had to deal with doctors and therapists who dont believe me even WITH a formal diagnosis to my name. ive had a therapist tell me that i DIDNT have bpd because i was, in her words, "too nice" and she refused to start me on cbd insisting the doctor was wrong. its scary as fuck honestly. plus, like i said in the last post, mental health is so under researched. which is also so scary to me. theres so much that doctors dont know. that WE dont know. theres so much that doctors get wrong. sometimes cause theyre only human and sometimes cause they willfully ignore patients.

so, the way i see it, is that maybe you can have a system without trauma or maybe you cant. i dont know personally and where i stand i dont know how much credit i would put to research done on a mental disability that is still to this day so disgustingly stigmatized and viewed as dangerous or scary. ive seen split. i know david haller (i like david haller but also every time i think about the live action show or how they really treat him as a character i sob in my little heart every fuckin day man fr) so to me i chalk it up to 'fuck if i know' and move on.

The other thing is that since i personally am not an endo in my head i also have no evidence to form a hard opinion on this at all. Again, my system DID come from trauma. In fact, for most of the system mates i can pinpoint exactly which traumas and/or parts of my life they came from (some i dont but i am also pretty sure im missing a very large chunk of my middle school memories so who the fuck knows) but honestly. if you have a hard opinion on the yes or no here thats fine youre intitled to your own opinion ig

but you shouldnt harass people on the internet or accuse them of being fake. this is what my problem is with anti-endos.

This has also been my like, whole side of this conversation. Which is why im really begging you to listen and read my words cause i very much think you are reading me wrong here. I literally couldnt give less of a shit about your personal opinion on this kinda stuff. Like i dont know you were not friends you’re a random anon on the internet. You disagreeing with me does not phase me one bit. I clearly have stuff to say but thats just cause i talk a lot and like to share my thoughts more than anything else. Honestly. You can send me a like one sentence question and ill accidentally reply with an essay. Have you SEEN the rants ive been on lmaooo

What does frustrate me, is that you feel the need to harass people and accuse people of faking stuff for attention with NO fucking thought. When you sent your first anon i can only assume its cause i reblogged my friend Wendy’s post about endos and syscourse (i hate syscourse so much but MAN that is a good fucking play on words it almost makes me mad lol) you asked if i had did/osdd and i said yes and you IMMEDIATELY went into my asks and accused me of being 1) an endo and 2) faking for attention despite that neither of those can be inferred by my answer especially when i 1) never once said I WAS endo personally (because. Again. Not) and 2) i specifically explained in my first response (thinking u were just a good natured random) that while, yes, i am a system, i dont talk about it very openly or much at all only vaguely mentioning it here n there on my personal blog when i feel the need or want on a specific topic (like when i made a joke post about being a system and watching RvB and the Meta who is this character that has a buncha AI crammed in his head). If anything, it makes you more fuckin wrong cause me NOT mentioning being a system almost ever shows more to the light that im NOT focusing on wanting attention or shit like that if anything i think i make more jokes about being autistic and trans. Are you gonna accuse me of being fake trans and fake autistic just for attention? Because i talk about it more? No, cause that would make like zero sense. (Unless u want to ig tho honestly i think being called a fake trans would be so funny as anon hate like genuinely that would make me snort i think. Guy who uses he/him and openly talks about having periods and shit like that accused as fake trans rguireghrhuigr)

To me, at least, you have already proven that your ideology is flawed. Your method of pointing out ‘fakes’ and ‘attention seekers’ is just really nonsensical. Either that or you do honestly have the reading comprehension of a five year old. The oooonly reason i could maaaaaybe see you thinking im ‘attention seeking’ is when I vaguely mentioned in the tags of that first post that I had a system specific blog however i also 1) do not advertise it nor did i put the name of it on that post OR ask you to follow it and 2) admitted that its barely ever used. Again, still making no sense to your accusation

And like, honestly, at the end of the day, accusing people you dont know on the internet just by random posts they post or terminology they identify with for being fake is just so, in your own words, gross. You dont know these people’s lives. You dont know what they’ve been through. Again, completely ignoring whether you can or cannot have system without trauma my original long response talked about how the person identifying as endo might actually have trauma and not know/recognize it as such and by harassing them you are only making everything worse for them. You LITERALLY do not know these people. You dont know me and you made that very clear when you were so crushingly wrong about me by literally just the second anon you sent.

As someone who deals with the anxiety and fear that i am secretly a fake and dont know it, not just about being a system but like. A SHIT ton of stuff in my life, it does not help when random fucking people come accusing me of that exact fear. Going back to that therapist who tried to tell me she didnt think i had bpd it took me SO FUCKING LONG to accept i did in fact have bpd after that. And it was fucking painful to deal with mentally. When every sign in the motherfucking book pointed to YES i have this thing but all it took was ONE woman with a degree to tell me i was ‘too nice’ and suddenly my world fell apart. I no longer felt like i had a name to the feelings and thoughts i was suffering from. Dude that shit SUCKS it is SO painful and stressful. Like literally, please, for the love of all that is holy, do not inflict that on others. You might think youre bringing justice in some weird way but theres a higher chance that you are hurting people just as much as you seem to think endos cause hurt.

Now, because i know you SO DESPERATELY wanna know my opinion on the post you sent in the unanswered ask, honestly? I dont know how much i agree with that persons post. Like. Playing in the field of maybe that was an honest to god opinion and not just like a joke they were making, really not sure how i feel about it. In my opinion, i wouldn’t be running around trying to get my brain to spawn in more little fuckers to deal with. But i also have a lot of mixed feelings about being a system and my headmates. For one i dont get along with all of them, and not all of them get along with each other. Shits really annoying and in some extreme cases stressful as fuck. Every time something new pops into existence, I’ll be real, im kinda scared. I dont know how things will once again change or shift. And my head is just a single head. Its one brain that now has to deal with so much going on i get a lot of headaches and dissociate sometimes even in the middle of doing things or talking to people cause shit will just randomly become chaos (tho im sure other mental things attribute to all that too here n there idk) but I wouldn’t say i hate being a system. I also dont think id ever wanna do that like fuse therapy shit and get rid of the others. Both out of a fear of losing myself and a fear of losing some of them. That shit sounds kinda scary to me. And where, yeah theres some that i dont get along with, there are others that i do get along with! And love a lot! I jokingly call some of them my siblings cause a lot of them have been around since i was a little kid (tho ill admit for a while I thought i just had a REALLY strong imagination and that for some reason my imaginary friends kept talking to me even as an adult till i finally realized hm. Maybe this is not the case. Lol) so like ya you’ll never see me honest to god saying ‘man i wish i had MORE random bastards in my head’ but like, thats just me

I’ve met so many systems and a lot of them are different. I’ve met some that WANT to fuse (i dont think thats the word they use for that therapy but i just got home from a stressful 8 hours on The Grind so I can’t think words all too well lol) ive met people that LOVE being a system people who hate it people who are pretty indifferent to it. I’ve met systems who are have a different person fronting every day ive met systems where you almost never see or hear from the others and its just primarily the host that takes charge. So many different people feel differently about the same things. That’s just life. But I am not gonna use ONE post randomly shown to me to 1) make an assumption on someone (especially something as harmful as faking) or 2) as a valid reason to harass them. Especially not when the person showing the post to me has only acted hostile towards me. Like honestly. Genuine tip here, being rude and mean to people is not how you try to change their minds or try to educate them on something. Walking into my house and telling me im the fake hedgehog just cause of one post and one answered ask and then trying to tell me im wrong is like so not the way my guy fr

I’m pretty sure ive said my entire peace on the matter here. So yeah, again if you send me any more anons i wont be answering them. I’m saying this just to try and save you some time and also some peace of mind. Honestly, please block me. Please forget my existence and go live your life. Its honestly worrying how you have now spent like two days in my anons about this shit, like i am not even joking like the joke is over please please please finish reading this, block me, and go watch one of your favorite comfort movies and smile i mean this so seriously

[divorcingjimmatthews]

season 2 episode 5 reactions as i watch

huge spoilers obviously

(this is mostly for myself to have somewhere to scream as i go, its LONG AF youve been warned)

RANDALL IS SCARING ME SO MUCH LIKE PLEASE DONT BANG ON STUFF WHAT IF YOU ACCIDENTALLY MAKE THE TALISMAN FALL I AM HAVING A HEART ATTACK WITH THIS SCENE. RANDALL STOP STOP STOP YOURE GOING TO DIE DUDE

(straight up cant watch the rest of the episode because i paused it and cant bring myself to unpause lmaooo. from ends here for me i guess)

ok its over thank god

JADE STOP DRINKING SOMEONE HELP THIS MAN. hes even sleeping with the fucking journal like please he needs 20 interventions

also dammit he actually moved to the bar i accidentally manifested it LMAO

can the show please stop torturing this man with the hallucinations please and thank you

TABITHA IS IN MAMA WOLF MODE LETS GO

boyd defending sara... knowing what happened to his wife and what she did... oh man. this hurts. knowing tabitha also lost a child before turns the intensity of all this to eleven millions

LMAO ok someone calling tabitha out for her basement hole and its consequences at long last. i love tabitha but like it has to be acknowledged

"That part i cant help you with" dang Good Line

honestly cant even imagine how sara is feeling i dont know what id be doing in her situation like just watching it stresses me so much.

ETHAN BABY :'(((( im sobbing

KRISTI IS SO PRETTY oh my god i am so bisexual right now. she cant just do this. the shirtttt. i think im seeing the sweetest and most beautiful woman in the world

dhsjfhsh marielle doing the same thing with the shirt that i had the reader do in my fic i cant even

"For a long time it smelled like you. Now it just smells" i laughed so hard

"Youre still you" 🥺

SARA GIRL WHAT ARE YOU DOING ARE YOU TRYING TO GET K oh yeah wait she probably is

oh its her house ok god i thought she'd gone to the matthews'

NEW HOUSE WHO DIS

cant belive an extra got one of the few houses this is so funny to me for no reason

this scene gosh. ouch. ouch. im taking 2 damage per second watching this episode

JADE. the bottles. jade my beloved this is point of no return level stuff. mrs Liu please come get him home

VICTOR

victoooor

"You dont look good" im losing it

thank you victor

victor 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 i love him. the sweetest

JADE IM GOING TO STRANGLE YOU DONT BE LIKE THISSS

"WAIT" i fucking cant i love this man

"This took me all fucking night" jade never stop being the funniest mf on the planet please

jim calling tabitha tabby is so sweet it got me

"Faith. In you" oh boy. Oh man. Oh boy oh man. This scene. How is this show hitting every singe fucking note.

donna brought up abby omgomg

OK BUT CAN YOU BLAME HIM FOR WANTING TO FIND AN ALTERNATIVE THIS TIME

(maybe)

(arghhhh this is so hard)

"only monsters live in the woods" ethan i love everything you say. go my boy

(sara voice) okay

"The trees theyre changing" i love how victor is 100% harmless but could NOT be any more ominous lmaooo

CAR GRAVEYARD

"When i was alone i moved the cars because i didnt want to see them. Theres a lot more behind the rocks but those were already here" GODDAMMIT

no but victor is literally the sweetest man on earth. you were rightfully angry victor !! jade now you apologise.

"okay" ill kill him

victor sitting on the car 🥺🥺🥺🥺 im going to cry

what a scene. my god.

SARA HAS ONLY BEEN THERE FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS?

"Do you live here in town" ELGIN i love you

poor julie if she knew her crush is out there flirting with the local murderer

"I like what i like and i like owls" based. thats me writing 300 jade posts per day

oh boy this scene (me about every scene)

"THAT PART ALWAYS SEEMED A BIT LIKE WISHFUL THINKING TO ME" im. ill be processing for 3 years

"Did you do something that needs forgiving?" elgin my sweet boy

jim rightly proud of his badass kid

"you put hate inside me" :'(

is she gonna give her her stuff damn shes too nice

a part of me is feeling like shes gonna smash it tho lmao

SORRY FOR DOUBTING YOU MRS LIU

i am starting to assume that everyone forgot about tobey so jade is never even gonna know that it was sara lmao

KENNY

oh my god kenny

im hurt seeing him so hurt

TOWNSPEOPLE CAN WE GIVE KENNY A BREAK OVER HERE PLEASE WHAT R U STARING AT HES VERY RIGTHFULLY MAD HE HAS EVERY RIGHT

oh elgin

elgin youre too sweet

elginnnnn

everyones gonna hate you elgin 😭😭😭 i am suffering for you

KRISTI BECAME EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL THIS IS NOT A DRILL

now please do jade

"KRISTI WHERE ARE YOU GOING BABY STOP"

KRISTI NO NO NOOOOOO

i love her so much

"People liked him, then he changed" dont do this to me

"I am at the end of my rope" oh god

TABITHA??????

holy fucking shit im going to die of heart attack

this doesnt have captions i dont know what the creepy ghost children are saying

I WAS LITERALLY THINKING I WISHED TABITHA AND JADE WOULD INTERACT AND LOOK AT THIS NOW

i knew jim would not vote box lets goo

BOYD WHY

Randall ????

OKAY that tabitha and marielle scene from last episode was bothering me so much i cant believe i didnt think of this

what an episode my god

[taoistyuri]

had a dream where i was hecatia, and its always super fun when my brain forces me to kin a character in the dream world, this one was kind of odd however

it started off as a dont starve dream i think? i dont rmemeber any of the details. i just know at some point everything changed. and now, we're somewhere completely different. like a neon world, like an arcade or something. theres all of us... the touhous. and theres a sense of danger, more like a sense of wrongness.

eventually, theres a new place we are in, where it becomes clearer as i (hecatia) look at the scenery and realize more things are wrong. this time it was sort of a convention look. we are being played with like toys, where our characters, setting, and personalities change to the whim of the Player. But everyone else had no idea and thought everything was real, i was the only one. so i had to pretend to be normal. i think the "Player" was yukari. so i was looking for any gaps, any sneakiness to spot.

but..junko was there too! and she was like me.. so we needed to stick by eachother without suspicion. there was a bathroom with a shower so we snuck in there together. um, yeah and took shower also, it was gay -_- literally was like um junko can i shampoo your hair for you guys i think it was kind of homosexual (it literally was) (kissing) (GAYS EX?no that part didnt happen in the dream)

anyway we come out of the bathroom one at a time to not be suspicious of going in at the same time and the only one this confuses is Janitor Nitori but its brief and whatver. the scene changes again. its dark, and snowy, in front of a big mansion house. various other characters are doing yardwork in the front. which is pretty funny consider all the snow but whatever.

it seems like im sneaking in. my outfit, is prime hecatia kin material: a buttoned up long sleeve plaid striped shirt, with very short shorts. again i must state it was snowy and cold. anyways, i manage to reunite with junko. and we're gay about it for a bit in the backyard, away from anyone else.

again. short shorts in the snow. come on girl. there was more kissing and gay mwah mwah

anyways, clownpiece is there too, but shes still in Being A Littlest Pet Shop mode. we somehow manage to convince her everything is an illusion and she joins us. (daughter).

this is all i remember

also afterwards had a stress dream about some difficulty thats happening with my proxy service right now which is funny graaaagh dearest OP please respond to booth messages please i need you bestie please

well yeah

[wally-franks]

hiii hi im here with my liddol hcs for u... looks up at u with my big sad wet eyes. this is my silly little au ,,, i love urs tho n would love to hear the angst bcos. theres so much angst i left out too fjrjfhie

ok so WALLY- little guy but absolutely not stupid. like he knows whats going on BUT hes just. a little silly sometimes. low braincells but can piece stuff together and is careful. carries a knife with him. does not want to get into trouble (excluding pranks ofc. loves them) uh. 147cm, transmasc, and pan. his hat is very important. i actually just finished making his hat but thats a different thing fhjrjf

talks a LOT and has a gossip group with norman n susie. but its all in good fun. n u know thomas is him boyfriend. they pretend to be Mortal Enemies but at home they r so so soft... they must put up a front at work because they are scared of how they'll look in front of other ppl. if only they knew that probably like 2 ppl total in jds were cishet fbjrj,, he has that audhd and his silly little catchphrase is everything ok.

thomas- too tall bites him. i mean. ahem. 183cm and bisexual. very closed off from people but will not hesitate to confront people. very touchy about the machine cos its his "best creation" or whatever. ok stupid college boy but go off ig. (i love him sm)

basically just there to get work done. he acts smart, looks smart, but hes "stupid"... not in the way of logically stupid, he is just very silly sometimes. also he smokes. i mean have u HEARD his voice (affectionate) he has 5 older brothers n his family is very sweet i think. gnaws on the thomas plush part twenty million

and finally SAMMY- very very stressed so he yells a lot BUT he does a softer side in private. he just needs to front as mean and irritating with everyone to keep his image up :(( grr squishes him very hard. transmasc and gay bc. he just is. does not like joey but then again in my au nobody really does but thats ok<3 back to sammy the babygirl. he is 168cm and his "partner" is jack... but we all know... the silly... also probably helped johnny learn the organ/piano. because it needs to happen

if u want 2 know more or have any questions my dms are open >:3c sorry for th ramble!!! fjrjeh

Hii!!  I'm so sorry this took so long to get toooooo. I had to inhale this text for a bit and let it sog into my brain xD I always need a bit to take in muchhhhooss information (nothing bad btw just me being me hehe)

AND YEAHHH.. I should maybe talk more about angst. But at the same time I'm like. Naurrrr... Naurrrr... I really live by "there's always so much negativity and sadness in this world, no need to add more to it" SO I ALWAYS HESITATE SHARING ANGST AND SAD THINGS!! CUZ I'M LIKE!!  WHY BE SAD IF I CAN HAVE FUN STUFF WITH STUFF THAT MAKES ME HAPPY </3 + most of it is just killing and torture anyway and euhm. Those tend to trigger ehm negative stuffs in me anyway :') Mostly just hallucinations and shit thoughts but!! You know, when there's a good time to share some of that stuff, I will!! :3 or maybe I share more about my toon Alice. She's a bit more tame about with that stuff. Anyhow. This is about YOU and not me. Soooo I'll go now through your stuff >:)

Wally being like that is true, that really fits to him!! He's just a silly that takes his his time to piece stuff together and that is okay :3

And OMG, mine also carries a knife around :D I just think it makes so much sense for hi to do so.... He's encountered moving ink puddles before, might just aswell carry a knife til. I feel like it also makes more sense after we saw his hat and a knife at artists rests (+ the April fools video hehe). Also, him being transmasc and pan is so funny because my old version of wally used to be exactly that aswell!!  :D I changed that though, but again something very fitting for him. I loev your wally. He's so silly. AND SMALL!!!???  like damn OMG I didn't expect him to be that tiny. I could just launch him /lh

(Wally being a little gossip girly pop is so funny and real HAHAHA )

Thomas's and Wally,s relationship being like that is exactly how I envisioned it xD I love that for them so much.

And.. DAMN!! IM ALMOST AS TALL AS THOMAS BOY!! I thought yours would have been MUCH taller. Guess I was wrong. That's so interesting.

Also yeah... He definitely smokes. He smokes so damn much, probably several packs a day LMFOA. It's not to miss with a voice like that xD. You'd have to be insane to not think that.

Besides, BIG FAM FOR THOMAS ALSO MAKES A LOT OF SENSE!!

SAMMY BOY!!! SAMMY BOY!! I've been so keen on hearing about him!!!!! Wa'hh!!  We love publicly intimidating and soft at home Sammy I love that so so so so so much waghahahhhh!! And he's also way smaller than I thought,!! Another suprise here :D but nothing bad. Just me being like woah??  In taller than him. ALSO, HIM AND JACK BEING A THING?? YAY!! I LOVE SAMMY AND JACK TOGEZHER WJAJAJAJ AND OHOHOHH JOHNNY MOMENT. JOHNNY MENTIONED *POINTSSS*

AND YEAH I'LL LET YOU KNOW IF I WANNA KNOW MORE. AND DON'T BE SORRY I LOVED THIS SO MUCH.. ERMMMM. IF YOU EVER WANNA TALK MORE ABOUT YOUR JOHNNY *twirls hair* I'd love to know what he's up to in your AU. Where he's mostly at!! Mine is first at the music department but then gets moved down to lacie and Bertrum, so I'd love to know where yours at!! And his personality too. That's the thing that interests me the most!!! Giving a character who has no info at all jngame a personality is always so cool and interesting to see :D everyone has like their own way of seeing and imagining characters.. I'd die to know how yours is!!!!

[dogswest]

This is a very situational scenario. I think the target audience for this post are to people who are too stubborn to realize that if you depend on one person and they can't give back what you're putting in, its not because they don't want to, but rather they can't. So when they start talking again because things have gotten easier and better for them, you shouldn't just "stay mad" cuz u didn't get what you wanted. Rather, be thankful they're doing better and let them know their efforts of being a better didn't go to waste and give that mentally health awareness to those who aren't aware,

but often times, when you "let people back into your life", theres often a reason why they're out of your life rather than just an old friend who drifted away and disappeared. I strongly don't believe people should have or even feel obligated to simply not want that person in their life if they hurt them, even if the person has obviously shown to be better.

People cut individuals out of their lives, whether that individual have mental illness or not, because of their actions, morals, and/or personality that they just simply don't mesh with and mental illness doesn't excuse hurtful actions, morals or toxic traits; it's just simply a reason. Actions done still leave scars and people who still suffer after the actions or even still fear the possibility of it simply don't need to endure the mental stress of it possibly happening again.

If someone got better after leaving, that means they can begin to make new friends on their own or at least respect the fact that they hurt people and they won't get all of them back. Whole important part about growing is accepting change, and while I don't think it's bad to want to mesh again with old friends, it's not always gonna turn out that way if you hurt them and if you expect them to then you haven't really gotten better.

(my personal experience is below if you're interested in why I'm a firm believer of this, I also just like yappin about it)

If you don't agree, thats okay because it means you most likely are more forgiving and/or are more able to open yourself up to forgiveness, but I don't think that mindset should feel forced on others who also struggle with standing up for themselves.

TLDR: I agree to a degree, but think people are allowed to not want to get in contact with someone again if they hurt you, disappeared, got better and came back; mental issues or not.

A main reason why I'm a strong believer in this is because I was in all of these positions: I was the one who hurt people and came back, I was the one who was mentally unwell and disappeared and came back, I was the one who got hurt by someone and won't ever allow them back into my life, and I was the one who had a friend come back after being mentally unwell. I'll talk about these in order.

First incident was when I was the one who hurt people. I cheated on this girl about 6ish years ago, and after 2 years of intensive therapy, I became better and figured I should apologize. Needless to say, she was NOT happy, because I had really hurt her and her trust and what I stand for to her wasn't what she wanted or needed in her life again. I learned quickly that there was no coming back to that side of my life I used to have because I was a huge piece of shit, and I'm okay with that. I made a horrible mistake and I'm living the coniquences. I shouldn't want to change to get her back, but rather I have to get a better me because I'd feel better and won't hurt others to such an extreme ever again.

My second experience was me being the one who left and came back: 2 years ago I had stopped talking and hanging out with a lot of my friends because my stepfather had passed and I couldn't help but become aggressive around friends who I wasn't close enough with, so I simply just focused on myself and got a lot of help. By the next year I was able to talk to everyone again and they were understanding and loving. Unfortunately, not everyone will have this reaction to similar situations (which I believe is who this post is targetted towards), but it's far different from my prior incident, where I haven't talked to anyone from that part of my life since.

My brother is a prime example of why you don't have to accept people back into your life. After my stepfather and dog passed away, I was holding onto my dog's collar and my brother not only made fun of me, but--only 10 minutes after making fun of me--asked me "who fucks who" in my relationship (I'm gay). He'd done horrible shit before this too that made me already hate him: misogyny, racism, bigotry, he even voted for trump. But when he said that shit to me personally when I was at my lowest, thats when he stepped out of my life with no chance of return. 2 years later and my family begs me to forgive him and he's even "apologized", but I never want him back in my life ever again. He still has that same personality of the man who made me hate myself so much, and seeing him makes everything I worked in order get better fall apart and I'd relapse. It doesn't matter what he does anymore, he's never getting his "sister" back (yah hes transphobic too 😭)

My last situation is actually recent. One of my friends from highschool found out she was moving recently and anytime I'd ask to hang out with her, she'd say yes, but then the day of she'd say shes busy or couldn't when she had checked and saw that she'd be free. This happened 3 or 4 times and at one point I said "nvm just hang out whenever ur able to" and we just stopped talking. While I was really hurt by her taking her word back and what felt like ditching me, I eventually relaxed and remembered I was the sake way when I moved. After a few months, shes almost done moving and the date she said shes fully moved in is when my finals are over, so we plan to hang out. This is an example of someone just simply disappearing and coming back. Sure, I was valid for being upset, but shes valid for needing to step away cuz she has shit to do and not being in the best mindset to hang out with friends.

Figuring this stuff out took a lot of therapy, specially because reading the room is not my specialty and I tend to second guess my morals alot as I'm very aware of how blind one can be from a biased POV, so I become weary with my thoughts, but once I got my barrings in life, I got better and realized people benefit from hearing these things too. Since I started therapy, I got new friends, went to a new school and got better grades, got a life long partner (who I'm still with today), got my own car, etc etc and these experiences showed me how to be better, more honest, assertive and understanding which baught me to that point.

I think one of the kindest things you can do for people with various mental health struggles is just... let people back into your life after they've been absent for a while.

Making friends as an adult is so fucking hard already and isolating yourself from other people is a very common symptom of depression, anxiety, burnout, ocd, trauma, grief, etc. Which means that someone will do the hard work of recovery/healing and resurface back into a world where their previous friends have written them off because they stopped showing up.

So if you know someone where you're like "yeah we could have been better friends but they fell off the map a bit" and that person suddenly reaches out, or starts showing up to events even though you kind of forgot they were still in the group chat... well they may have been Going Through It and you don't actually have to punish them for their absence you can just be glad that they're back.

[hffnjue4y]

my mood is unstable these days.

some days i feel like im on cloud 9. everything is perfect. we have hardships ahead, but theyre all manageable and worth it. they feel far away, and unclear. on those days, i cant even grasp what it is about her im so stressed about.

and then, like a switch, it can change. i feel unsure, stressed. it usually happens when we dont talk (she’s asleep right now) things feel hopeless, everything feels pointless. it’s like im exposed to a side of the world i never had to consider before- through her eyes. how much she was hurt, how much shes still hurting. how much she has to deal with. and it hurts me. i wanna live in oblivion again sometimes. i didnt know how much of this world i wasnt seeing before.

i tried talking to other people, they often make things worse- i dont wanna feel like i have to defend this relationship. i want people to be happy for us, not worry about me. and i know typing that makes it all sound incredibly abusive, which it isnt. i dont know what to do anymore.

i love her so much. i think i need to address that attachment we have. this often overwhelms me just how much she occupies my mind, her, our relationship. i think im starting to understand what she told me back then- about how loving fictional characters means theres no expectations back. they cant disappoint you. real people are way harder. and i think i didnt know it so far cause i never let myself truly attach to anyone.

now there are stakes. we’re both emotionally involved, to a point where we can hurt each other a lot. and thats scary.

i worry about her being “unregulated” but then again, am i regulated? my mood swings so dramatically. i overthink. i talk too much about this relationship but no one seem to understand. im confused. im not sure what i want in life anymore. i want to be away from here, i want her close with all my family and friends. i want her, im scared of her (our relationship and attachment). i get really nervous and anxious around fights, aggression, loud noises, and sometimes she triggers it.

i dont want to stress her out anymore. she’s doing good these days, and i think this stress will pass shortly. i dont feel like bringing her down with my uncertainty and doubts all the time- im afraid she might think im gonna leave her. we need to fix our trust, but i think only time will tell here.

talking with mom today freaked me out. she doesnt seem to trust this relationship will last. mom’s view of my girlfriend means the world to me. i wish they could meet. im afraid that when they meet mom wont like her, or worst, shed think she isnt good for me. im afraid shes seeing things that i dont. but she also doesnt have the full picture.

i dont know how much of things right now come from the fact that im unemployed, but at my grandparents place, feeling directionless. i think i might be depressed. and someone i love is so far away, its almost impossible to cross that distance without committing in a way. so of course its scary.

today i woke up from a nap feeling pretty bad. i missed her texts and the part of me that still hangs to her desperately wants to spend every moment together.

HOW. DO. I. MAKE. THIS. HEALTHY?

was this doomed from the start?

whos to say whats healthy and whats not?

are these fears common, because im new to relationships of this level?

if i have the thought, does it mean its true?

things to do:

- do. not. put. your. emotional. well. being. after. anyone. elses.

- trust you gut??? i have no idea anymore, this changes every day.

- mental illness isnt the end of the world. it makes things hard for her, yes, but its not unlivable. trust her to do her best and support her.

[bunniislvt]

If you're doing Females for the Nsfw alphabet will you Do X, J, Q for Keqing, Yanfei, and Ayaka? Congratulations on 200! Keep up the great work!

title : nsfw alphabet : j , q , x

characters : keqing , yanfei , ayaka

notes : <3

cw : smut -- describing explicit content -- mentions of overstim

keqing--

═════════════════

J - jack off ~

keqing isnt the type of girl who masturbates often, but she does when she is stressed out from work or just has pent up emotions she needs to get out

she doesnt make it a big deal, doesnt do anything fancy or stuff like that

just using her hands to rub her clit or to finger herself to her climax is good enough

i feel like once she meets you, her sex drive spikes up and she masturbates a lot more than she did before, due to her constant thoughts of you throughout the day

she cant help it <3

which brings us to our next point

═════════════════

Q - quickie ~

if you work with her, she'd definitely be one to pull you off into a closet or an empty office to have a quicky with, taking out her stress on your body in the nicest way possible

of course, she'd be more opt for waiting until the end of the day when you two could have sex in the comfort and privacy of your own home, being able to get more intimate than what a quickie has to offer

but sometimes she feels like she cant wait

which is when she finds you in the building at work and pulls you into a bathroom stall <3

═════════════════

X - x-ray ~

keqing has a toned body from fighting and training

her breasts are slightly on the bigger side, perfectly round with perky nipples

her figure is beautiful and perfect <3

═════════════════

yanfei--

═════════════════

J - jack off ~

like keqing, she doesnt feel the need to do it often, using her slender fingers to rub tight circles into her clit if she has to

i dont think she's familiar with penetration so she tends to stick to stimulating her clit when masturbating

things like rutting against a pillow, vibrators, etc all get her to cum perfectly fine without penetration

once she meets you, you invade her thoughts almost 24/7

it becomes part of her daily routine to hump against her pillow and moan out your name <3

═════════════════

Q - quickie ~

shes fine with them, but would only do it if needed

she thinks that quickies arent meaningful and that sex has to be intimate and sensual, not rushed out

her opinion might change if youre into them, coaxing her to open up more when you get needy before she has to get to work

she would never ask for one, but would help you reach your own orgasm in a hurry if you asked her

how sweet <3

═════════════════

X - x-ray ~

yanfeis body is slim and pale

her skin looks delicate and soft, and it is!

be careful with her <3

she has smaller, pretty tits with light pink nipples

her frame is a lot smaller than the other girls, but thats ok, shes so pretty

═════════════════

ayaka--

═════════════════

J - jack off ~

often!!

with all the stress she carries from the commission, she masturbates frequently

she's the kind of person to try to cum as many times as possible, keeping a personal record for herself

hours into the night, she's overstimulating herself by fingering and rubbing her clit, playing dirty scenarios in her head and trying to muffle her moans

i feel like she'd have quite a few toys too ~

═════════════════

Q - quickie ~

shes all for them!

loves them in fact!

sneaking off with you throughout the day to quickly fuck one out and then pretend nothing happened

"oh! ayaka! theres some things ive been meaning to talk to you about, if you have some time, care to follow me to a more.. 'private' area?"

she would be so giddy and happy to follow you and end up with her pretty cunt eaten out <3

═════════════════

X - x-ray ~

she has a similar body to keqing

slightly less toned, and slightly smaller breasts

and like yanfei, her skin is pale and gentle, be careful!

basically her body is a mix of keqing and yanfei <3

[trashcanfills]

Hero Killer Stain | Akaguro Chizome Relationship Headcanons

Yes I’m here to deliver.

The kind of person to only have very few friends. This guy ain’t the socialising type. I mean look at him he practically oozes lone wolf vibes. Not a people person for sure. He’s definitely socially awkward as fuck though thanks to his poker face that part of him isn’t obvious.

If you do manage to be friends with him though, oh boi where do I even begin?

He is an independent guy so expect like long ass periods of non-contact. He would occasionally check in on you to make sure that you are alive and doing well, sometimes with a text saying hes coming over. If you are lucky he might hang around for a while but apart from that he’s not gon do much (totally not because he’s socially awkward cough cough).

Really thoughtful as hecc. He’s not such an asshole to make any demands for you and your time. With how disillusioned he is with the current state of society, he’s going to cherish all the shit you have done for him, especially when you are one of the only ones who stayed with him despite the bloody path he has chosen.

Mention offhandedly about needing or wanting something? So long as he can afford it, it’s definitely going to appear on your table the next day without a trace of him left in your house. The kind to help around the house when he possibly can. Even if you try to deny his aid he’s not gonna budge at all cus he is one stubborn ass motherfucker. After some time you just give up and let him do what he wants. Though it is kinda funny to see the Hero Killer doing domestic stuff around your house.

However he can be a bit of an insensitive jerk at times. He judges a bit too hastily and makes wrongful assumptions. He also tends to believe that the fault lies within the person themselves whenever theres a problem, and will point it out if you asked for it.

This can result in arguments when you make mistakes or anything cus he will unintentionally make a comment that directly attacks you and your character. I can see that eventually you would reach a breaking point where you cry and/or scream at him about these hurtful comments. Yelling would of course devolve into an argument until you explain your feelings and situation to him such that he understands. Crying would just really hit in the realisation on how shitty his actions were and he would rectify that immediately by comforting you.

Hangouts typically consist of you guys sitting there in silence doing your own thing or watching a movie, or both of you engaging in philosophical discussion about today’s society. Yes because this is Stain we are talking about, expect the topic of False Heroes to come about. Once that happens, you would end up listening through his entire rant on False Heroes and their Unworthiness for the Hero title.

You definitely have engaged in debates with him on dealing with false heroes. He would be respectful of your views so long as they are well supported AND well-rounded arguments. Being one-sided esp towards the heroes would make him dismiss your views since it’s the same opinions adopted by the masses. Acknowledging and accepting that his views and ideals are valid would be a big deal for him, even if you disagree.

Sadly I’m not really sure if it would change much on his hero killing ways. To him, it’s the only solution he feels he could implement to best deal with false heroes, and it’s a necessary evil. Plus, he’s more of the take action guy. He can’t really just sit around, wait and think on what to do when there’s so much at stake. I find that it would be good for him to have a partner to hold him back and properly think through some stuff because of this, if he were to get into a romantic relationship. And speaking of that…

If you are in a romantic relationship with him, it’s just the above friendship qualities multiplied by 10 plus the couple things.

He WILL be a mother hen for his s/o. Regarding his friends, he tends to trust their ability to take care of themselves, only stepping in when needed to. Regarding his partner? He takes responsibility for their wellbeing. If their condition is less than perfect, he’s going to do something about it.

Accidentally cut yourself? He’s already grabbing the first aid kit. Sees you aren’t getting enough sleep? Prepared to be whooshed away and dumped on your bed. Stressed and anxious? He asks you to confide in him about your worries, and if you can’t, at least tell him how he can make you feel better.

God forbid someone lay a hand on you intending harm cus if Stain knows about it, he will straight up gut them. He will interrogate you if he sees an injury on you that’s unlikely to be an accident. He’s not going to budge until you tell him who did it to you, and even if you don’t, he WILL find out on his own. He might end up hurting someone innocent so it’s best if you tell him who did it to save him the trouble. And if they mysteriously disappear from your life, that’s only for the two of you to know :^)

He’s definitely not used to physical affection being the loner he is, so if you initiate and like give him a hug or a kiss he will get flustered and blue screen for a short while. He would also be tense when cuddling for the first few times, then relaxing a little bit afterwards. Uh don’t surprise tackle him out of nowhere unless you want to get slashed or chucked at a wall. As much as he loves to indulge in your affections, he still needs to keep his instincts honed for fighting. You never know when someone might decide to attack the both of you. (You tried to surprise hug him once. It ended up with you getting injured and him attending to your injuries while lecturing you a little about doing that AROUND A SERIAL KILLER WHO KILL HEROES for a LIVING)

But otherwise he doesn’t mind physical affection. He would grow to love it, and would gradually take initiative to touch you at any opportunity if you tell him you are open to it. This does become funny with his brilliant poker face, when you guys are doing your own thing and all of sudden he gets close to you to hug, smooch or cuddle. He gives absolutely no warning whatsoever. It never gets old. Your reactions to him doing this amuses him a lot.

Expect occasional heartfelt speeches on how much he loves you or how much you mean to him. Might not realise this himself but gOd he can be a sMOOTH motherfucker. He is good with words, and gENUINE about what he says about. He will pull off the how I saw the world as a dark ugly place until you came along speech shtick and there will be this Moment of you guys beholding each others presence. THATS how good he is. (I mean you heard him monologing while fighting Izuku, Tenya and Shouto like daamn)

He’s a very practical person and isn’t one to be sentimental. He can’t afford to be sentimental if it can jeopardise him and his loved ones in any way. He’s adamant on not keeping anything of his around in your house cus he doesn’t want you implicated or associated with his murders at all.

Somehow, if you both are really really deep into the relationship, I can see him letting both of you carrying rings from each other. Not worn around the ring finger of course cus that can attract unwanted attention, but rather it being attached to a chain necklace that both of you would have at all times.

It’s kind of a promise and dedication to you, in the sense that, if he could or if he had the chance to, he would have formally proposed to you. He hopes that he can if somehow he fulfils his personal mission, and if both of you can find somewhere peaceful and safe together.

Edit: Realised I forgot to add some stuff in lol, so dont mind that I add more points to this already long ass post. Im on mobile so apologies if formatting is weird.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Kym thank you for your wonderful answer to anon. I think a part of fadom freaks out easily because the reporter scared everyone for a lifetime. Last year we were all here celebrating how good for buck would have been having a friend outside of the 118, and we got a terrible friend then and an horrible gf now that basically monopolized 2 entire episodes of 5a, probably she'll be gone soon but her presence is still to much compared to others So yeah I don't think lucy will be a LI but who knows

Awww Nonnie 🥺🥺🥺 tysm

Tay Kay is definitely scarring!! I'm gonna be upfront - I have never ever liked Taylor and I never saw her as a friend to Buck (idk how anyone could tbh but maybe thats just me!!), so I never joined in the celebrations of Buck having a friend outside of the 118 - I've only ever viewed her as a narrative device- her character has always been selfish and self serving and if the writers wanted me to feel differently about her they would have invested the time and effort into showing character growth - addressing all the bad choices she made previously. The fact that they didn't, and actually went the other way - showing how much of a hypocrite she is on top of everything else - spoke so loudly to me.

If, like me, you've spent years working in the industry, and studying how film and television is created and developed, I guess you spot things a mile off. I do think they wasted a lot of time and energy on giving her a back story and using it to fill time that could've been better spent elsewhere, but I'm also of the view that theres a very good chance that we'll see what we learnt coming back into play in the first part of 5b.

I think the writers have spent time creating that backstory for a reason - because it's what they've done historically and if it wasn't important they would've used the time elsewhere - showing us more of other characters and doing further world building. The entire season is planned out at the beginning - the arcs will have been decided- even beyond just the season - and they will have spent a lot of time figuring out how to get the characters from a to b - what needs to happen, what road blocks to put in their way etc.

That is why I'm sure that there are plans to make further use of what they have chosen to give us (and why ghost stories got such a drastic rewrite) and I expect it all to come into play in 5x11 and 13 with repercussions further into the season as well. Im actually looking forward to the summer hiatus so I can really look at how it all plays out in more detail - when we know where it all leads to - only then will we truly know if they short changed us and put in a load of unnecessary filler we could've done without!

For the most part the section of fandom that freaks out over this kind of thing tend to be young with little experience of the real world who will (hopefully) learn as they get older - I don't tend to see to much of it in my little corner of the internet as I curate my experience - I'm here for a good time, to have fun and for healthy debate, Im not here to stress myself out or make myself miserable. Its also easy to forget that many of these people freaking out have grown up in a world which has always had internet and so they are not used to being made to wait for things in the same way as those o us who existed before the world was at our fingertips - when binge watching was only possible if you recorded each episode every week or bought the vhs/dvd box sets!

Sorry Nonnie - i've got up on my soap box again 🤣🤣🤣 I've never bee none for brevity!!! As always great to have you appearing in my inbox!

[just-more-trolls]

dumb fantroll ask meme, odd numbers for wyllow

Ok so this is gonna be Long’un I’m gonna put everything under cut

1.  Biggest pet peeves? How much do they annoy you? Are they bad enough to be a deal breaker if someone you were interested did them?

“okay so..im a very patient person and i understand self-loathing..”

“but i have my limits..im not here for a pity-party please dont lament how much of a pathetic asshole you are expecting me to help you only to ignore any advice i give you and continue to lament your shitty life where nothing good happens ever ok???”

“...ok so that was..a rant...uhm...my pet peeve is when people don’t want to crawl out of the pit they’re in..or downright refuse to..mainly because they like the attention..”

3. What are your turn on’s turn off’s? 

“tha-..thats a little personal hello?????”

“i choose to not answer that!!”

5. What is your least favorite and favorite parts of your body? Any feature you pride yourself on? Then least favorite would you change it if you could? 

“my favorite parts? uhm..my horns i guess? and my hips”

“my least favorite are my eyes because i need glasses to see..id change that if i could i guess”

7. What is your least favorite food and why? 

“i cant stand bitter greens like baby spinach..or kale..its just not what my tastebuds like..”

“and venison makes me legitimately ill..like bad stomach ache levels of sick..”

9. What are any tics you might have? Any nervous habits? 

“under extreme amounts of stress ive been told i get the antlerbeast-in-headlights look complete with freezing..”

“im real bad about picking at the skin on my fingers especially if im real anxious..to the point of bleeding sometimes..but it keeps me from picking on the threads of my clothes until theyre unraveling..”

11. What is your earliest memory? Is it a happy or a sad one. 

“my EARLIEST memory is of finding my ancestors hive..and consequently also finding my ancestors journals on herbology and botany..and its a happy one because its what jumpstarted my own career in it~”

13. If you could have any super power what would it be? 

“i want to command plants!!”

15. What would you do with the ability to see ghosts? Would they scare you or would you be interested in them? 

“id ask them about their life..or help them move on if they dont realize theyre dead..id also keep journals of everything i was told; preservation of history and all that”

17. How good a liar are you? How often do you lie to others. 

“i cant lie for the life of me..like ill withhold the truth but straight up lie?? id die from the guilt.......or by the hands of whomstever i lied to”

19. How far would you go to be perfect? Are you ok with flaws? 

“perfection is an impossibility”

“...that being said uhm..that depends on the..flaw i think..and flaws are subjective..that being said if a flaw is actively harmful to the individual or anyone around them im not as okay..if that makes sense?”

21. How much do you sleep? What is your typical night time routine? 

“a full eight hours~! night time routine is typical: wash up, brush up, jammies on.. i have a cup of tea before bed and i read a little until im done”

23. How good are you with choices? Is it easy to make decisions or do you struggle with them? 

“i...suck at choices if im under pressure to make them.. decisions arent too hard but if there’s weight to them its definitely a lot harder on me..”

25. What is the worst thing you’ve done to someone? Do you regret it? 

“..........theres not a night goes by i dont regret it”

27. How good are you with computers? How much do you use them in every day life? 

“fairly often! i mean im no savant but i know my way around a palmhusk or a tablet”

29. If you knew you had less then a sweep left to live how would you use it? 

“probably by myself.. id quietly wrap up my assets..tend to my garden up until’ my final night before laying myself in the largest patch of flowers and herbs to be consumed by the earth as a way to give back”

31. Which would you prefer you dying before your loved ones, or them dying before you?

“uhm..probably them dying before i would..to spare them the grief”

33. What are your stances on the spectrum? 

“in a social standpoint or a biological standpoint??”

“biologically i lowkey enjoy the diversity..how each group has something unique to them like the lower spectrum of trolls having a higher possibility of psionics..or purples with chucklevoodoos..”

“socially i really wish there wasnt such a divide..and its not like we have a choice in the matter were forced based on our blood color to fall into a certain level of financial and social hierarchy as a form of control and division..”

“honestly if i could give away all my money and not automatically get a refill i would..”

35. If you were empress for a day what would you do? 

“upend the status quo and dismantle the hierarchy..”

“..also give lowbloods a lot of money to live comfortably so they can begin the careers they wanted to do but never had the means to do them”

37. What do you fear loosing most? A possession, your senses, loved one, ect?

“the thing i fear most is losing someones trust in me...to irreparably damage a relationship with no hope of returning...ha..”

39. What is your biggest dream in life and how far would you go to obtain it. 

“i dont know...im pretty content in my life as it is; i have my shop..my garden..my hobbies..i just wish i had someone to share all of this with i guess”

41. Are there any people in your life you miss? What would you do if you could see them again? 

“....apologize..”

43. Do you consider yourself a material troll? If giving up every thing you owned meant eternal happiness would you do it?

“as cluttered and material-filled as my hive is i could give it all up if it meant id find eternal happiness..”

“..that being said i do fear losing everything ive worked on because i..kind of lack a fallback plan..”

[perriwinklesblog]

I know some people prefer consistent content but I like to take it as it comes and sometimes life happens and other projects need to take priority. 

So right now, I consider this to be a mid season break. Techno going into the prison was like the midseason finale for the Dream Prison Arc and Wilbur and Ranboo’s stuff was like their midseason finale and the Red Banquet where the egg was contained, was a midseason finale and alllllllll the mini episodes we’ve had since there are like specials etc. 

You know, like how in Dr Who you can go a few years without a solid season but get a special at Christmas and New Year? You know like that. 

So like all other programs, stories, videos I watch, I am coming up with ways in which the next bit could go. Some are a bit out there and definitely not happening, others I could see happening. 

This is long and pointless and full or errors both grammatically and spelling wise but I had fun thinking of what could happen next. Read if you want.

Dream escapes prison with Technoblades help. A server wide man hunt comes for Dream but unlike his videos he had stolen the spare armour in the prison and so is pretty OP making it easier for him to put distance between his enemies and himself. 

Technoblade returns to the artic and him, Phil and Will come to an in pass, a slight disagreement. Philza whilst having sided with Dream before, knows he’s not a good guy. Only used him to help destroy lmanburg for his own morals. It was not because he agreed with Dream. In his eyes, he was using Dream for his own goals. Plus, now he’s seen the aftermath of Dream’s terror on the citizens he realises the man perhaps shouldn’t be set to run entirely free. This slightly goes against Techno’s beliefs but the main issue of tension between them is Technoblade willingly placing himself in danger when he didn’t need too and helping release the man who tortured Tommy and clearly has something going on with Ranboo thats bad. 

Wilbur is angry because Techno won’t say where Dream has gone due to an agreement between the two and Technoblade is a man of his word. Wilbur wishes to thank and meet the man who saved him. This also worries Philza because he’s worried he’ll revert back to the man he saw the day he blew up L’Manburg. Over all tension between the three

Niki and Wilbur finally meet and it is as heartbreaking as it is beautifully tragic. Wilbur apologises but misses the mark, misses what hurt her which hurts her more. There’s an explosion with their argument that leaves a stunned silence. Niki asks Wilbur to leave. He does so. 

This leads to a Wilbur and Ranboo conversation where Ranboo tries to reason with Wilbur about Niki’s side. Wilbur brushes it off because much like the blue counterpart we all miss, he’s not a fan of the negative emotion. He tries to focus on the business etc and let’s slip that Dream has escaped somehow. Ranboo leaves. Wilbur is confused but distracted by a confrontation with Quackity.

Ranboo then starts his stream and he’s in the fucking panic room and he’s panicking because there are signs so many signs and they don’t make sense. Theres lesson rules, asking about the missing journal and it’s like every issue he’s ever faced is staring right back at him because Ranboo has never really resolved any issue, just pushed and moved on. He’s tried but that usually failed and for a while he’s ignored all the issues and here they are in front of him, all at one. A big volcanic eruption of anxiety and stress, and it ain’t sitting with him. 

Dream appears. But is it really him? We never know because after a conflict and a back and fourth about everyone in Ranboo’s life eventually landing on a threat about Michael and Tubbo, he blacks out and the stream ends. 

Quackity is livid with everything thats happening, the careful empire he’s building is falling apart and he’s shifting the blame around from person to person. He manipulates everyone around them into believing this is somehow their own fault and that they must make it up to him because he has been nothing but kind and loving to them. He gave them a place, a roof on their head when they had nothing. He misses out the parts where he insulted and or destroyed their homes, but it works and his employee “family” become the main bounty hunters for Dream, with Bad and Ant tagging along since they’re guards. 

Now the streams relating to the manhunt displays everyones wants. They’re all doing this wanting something, and whilst it’s to gain Quackity’s favour back they’re all doing that for different reasons. Their motivations are somewhat different even if on the surface they are the same and so on the man hunts, because there will be many, this is slowly picked apart and through that the manipulation of Quackity is revealed and then we see a parrallel between Quackity and previous people in power where they start to get desperate to keep control over the thing they’ve created. Because that’s been one of (not the only) issues with every leader on the server, the control and their feeling of lack of, even if thats not truly the case. But you get these moments between all the characters where they’re trying to outwit one another, trying to figure it out without blatantly saying it. Maybe Foolish does. He’s a bit of a himbo. 

Ponk always said he’d leave the door open for Sam and I truly think something happens, whether it be a look in the mirror with one of his guards going too far with someone or a conversation with Quackity where Quackity holds the mirror up to Sam maliciously, that causes him to hit the rock bottom and just break and I want that breakdown in front of Ponk. And I want Ponk not necessarily to give him the second chance off the bat but give him that peace offering, give him that hand to pull him up. I want him to take Sam to Niki and explain to Niki we’ve done bad things in the past, this is a safe haven and I believe Sam needs help and a place he can truly feel safe and for a moment Sam does and this begins his raid to redemption in gaining back the trust of the people in his lives. He becomes Tubbo 2.0 spying on Quackity like Tubbo did for Wilbur, but maybe less... bad.

But what of the Fiances? Wellllll,. With Dream escaping him and George meet in secret. George confesses he doesn’t believe it’s real and for a long time has been struggling with reality. He misses the early days, misses when they’d just have fun. Dream says he was having fun and George says I wasn’t. Dream shows true regret for George but says its too late now, can’t change the past. George agrees. Dream asks him what he’s going to do and he simply replies with “Sleep” Ending stream. 

Sapanps stream is a lot more WE ARE GOING ON A DREAM HUNT WE’RE GOING TO CATCH A BIG ONE, I’M NOT SCARED. vibes. He’s gearing up, he’s suiting up and he’s saluting pets on the way. He made a promise and with everything else going on in his life, he’s ready to throw himself into a distraction. He tries to convince George to help him but he waves him off saying, what’s the point? and mumbles something about divine powers and dreams which Sapnap just shakes off. He tries to find Karl in Kinoko but instead comes across Quackity. They have a blow up about how They abandoned each other, both did wrong but neither see the other side of things and eventually he tells him to leave. Quackity says okay, and the place blows up. Foolish cries in the corner. All that heard work but the boss said so. Sapnap ends the whole thing saying at least he’s there for Karl and Quackity pauses and is like why? And Sapnap is all like you care. Just go, you’ve done enough damage, I can’t have you damaging him too. And after a little more but but but between the two, Quackity goes. Sapnap leaves the place to burn, going to find Dream and hopefully Karl on the way. 

Karls in space. That’s where his latest travels have taken him and where the other side decided was his time to visit. Here I see a Wizard in Oz scenario where solutions to some issues will be revealed for Karl in relation to the other side. When it comes to his Dream SMP stuff, he starts confusing names and people more and Sapnap is worried about him, considering keeping him in a safe place. The only place that survived was the library with Karls books. Karl says he’ll stay there. Thats where the answers are anyway. Sapnap is unsure and gets bad vibes but is distracted by a lead on Dream and agrees, he tells him he’ll be back soon. 

They don’t see each other for a long ass time 

I’m not sure on the egg stuff but I do feel Niki and Puffy should have a conversation about all the shit thats happened and Puffy trying to help Niki and vice versa. I feel like Puffy should reach out to Foolish and try and comprehend what the fuck is he doing with Quackity. They have a little argument but it comes to a point where Puffy realises she cannot shield Foolish from harm and that her son ,just make his own decisions. All she can do is guide him where she can and hope that when it comes down to it he will make the right choice. She hopes she didn’t fail this dependant like she did with Dream her duckling. Though only she sees it as failure. 

Jack and Niki finally talk. She goes searching for some things and comes to his new place, he tells her to fuck off and that he doesn’t need anyone. They all abandon him. Niki pretty much does the verbal equivalent of slap some sense into him as she and him discuss how he is not the centre of everything, how he is not the sun. She was hurting, and he didn’t bother, no instead they just fed off each others anger and once he couldn’t feed of her or anyone else he isolated himself. She tries to convince him there are better things in life, there are better ways to place your energy etc. A lot of healing talk with Jack being stubborn. Eventually Jack finds himself at the door of Quackity after sticking to stubbornness, not quite ready to heal and he becomes the next member of Las Nevadas. A big blow to Wilbur too. 

They finally destroy the egg with magic. I dunno how but either destroy or hatch. Either or would be great. Red comes out the thing and I want a gay ass villain please. Bring it Red. Let’s go. Invite him to the server, bring the fire, bring the plant power Red. He can be the villain that unites everyone in a begrudging way. Like they all hate each other but fine i guess we’ll team to stop Red and Ant. 

Skeppy’s dead. 

Tubbo and Ranboo have a fight but Ranboo says “Weren’t we enough?” and it’s in relation to him and Michael (this happens before panic room). Thats when Tubbo realises where the wires got crossed and he immediately rectifies it but explaining he’s happy with the two of them but he wanted a job, something to work towards. Family wise he’s got it all, he’s content with it all but he wanted a project and one that didn’t incite violence. Fun rivalry sure, but he’s done with violence, he’s doesn’t want to add to the nightmares he already has. He wants competition but not one that will put all he loves in danger. So they talk it out and Ranboo feels more confident and Tubbo asks him to tell him if he ever takes anything too far because he can get a little carried away sometimes. Ranboo agrees and then they have a cute playdate with Michael. Then Ranboo does the thing with Wilbur and ends up in panic room.

Tommy and Tubbo discuss everything and lay it all out on the table because Tommy doesn’t want to be on the other side again with Tubbo. Tubbo doesn’t understand why everyone is making such a big deal about his burger business and Tommy tries to explain the issues with Quackity and the level of intensity he’s seen with Wilbur but Tubbo just laughs it off. They eventually talk about Ranboo and Tommy relents saying he likes Ranboo although he does sometimes get jealous of how Tubbo seems to have it all. Tubbo tells Tommy of his nightmares and so does Tommy to Tubbo. They come to an understanding with each other and understand that no matter how long they go apart, there is always a space shaped to fit them perfectly in their lives for them. Tubbo and Tommy then go play some pranks. 

Wilbur is unhappy with the pranks and gives a lecture and they get into a fight. This leads to Wilbur talking man to man to Quackity. Theres some weird sexual tension. Once again they’re trying to outwit one another. That when we get to the crazy stuff. 

And here’s where I get crazy with my stuff. 

Ponk is digging in his lil cave when he accidentally breaks through to a random room buried deep underground. Tommy’s there trying to scam him out of something he has. Tubbo and Ranboo too. When they get to this room Ranboo thinking it’s the panic one and freaks out, but the others calm him down. Ponk thinking theres diamonds in the room storms ahead setting off some traps but surviving. Tubbo opens one of the chests and just says theres a bucket in there. Ponk pulls it out and says it has a named fish in it. 

You see where I’m going. 

They empty the bucket whilst asking what the fish is called. They are interrupted by a voice. It’s Sally. 

Dream had captured her and bound her to a bucket and put her in the chest and hid her from Wilbur. 

She has been released. She freaks out over how much time has past because for her nothing has changed at all. She thought it might have been a couple of hours or something since Dream pulled that prank on her but clearly not. 

They all catch up and the season ends with Sally and Wilbur meeting in front of Quackity, Dream in the shadows and Sally and Wilbur turning to see Fundy who just freaks the fuck out. 

Oh and just a side, Callahan is the last member of the syndicate and God of the server and is having fun playing with the mortals. 

And then I have the next season planned out and how I’d end the whole thing but like until then. This is it. Mid Season to finale. How I picture things happening. 

None of this will happen but isn’t it fun to imagine? 

[onecupofskim]

Our experiences in the Plural community over the years

This post will contain brief mentions innapropriate relationships between adults and minors, and trauma denial. Please continue at your own risk.

Around the age of 12-14, we were very active on Kik. There we were engaged with a handful of witchcraft groups, one of which we had a partner by the name of Riley. Riley was 19.

Riley began teaching us about Tulpamancy. They said it was a way to not be so lonely in your own head. As a young child who had no friends in school, this sounded great.

They linked us to a couple of tumblr posts and a google doc and we went to work.

Oh. Right. Nothing happened. Because you can't force a headmate into existance.

Alright. Well if that didn't work, maybe theres something else!

Oh, Spirit bonding! That sounds like it'll work.

So we meditated. Oh, theres someone here! His name is Raphael. Here, lets put him in this ring and when we wear it, he'll be with us. (I'm facepalming just writing this.)

Except. He was always there. Huh. Weird.

Oh, we made a soul bond with a dragon named Mephisto! Kinda weird that I cant find any information about her existence online...

Huh.. none of this is really adding up.

When we were in our freshman year of highschool we learned about kinning.

We became invested. We kinned a demon character named Greyson. Greyson lived in our head and could change his appearance at will-- Wait what do you mean thats not what kinning is?

Later on we found a game that we really liked at the time, despite its dark themes. We "kinned" the main antagonist. When we would get stressed or anxious he would "shift" out and take over. That's normal right?

Back to the tulpamancy again. Someome had reccomended a discord server regarding tulpas. Kinda weird how everyone was saying Sal wasnt a tulpa even though he lives in our head... huh. Weird.

Okay well. Maybe.. Maybe we are a system. We began learning about systems and systemhood around the age of 16-17. We had never heard of DID or even MPD before.

The more research we did, the more we realized that these weren't kins or tulpas or anything else. They were alters.

They were pieces of our childself broken to bits due to childhood trauma.

Woah.

That would explain. A lot.

We were still apart of the kin community, after finally learning what it really was. We had met an individual who's name I cannot recall. We'll call him Shadow for now.

Shadow was an interesting individual.

We spoke with him frequently about our suspisions of being a system. However he doubted us.

He was in his freshman year of college, with goals to persue becoming a therapist. He was in the middle of a Psych 101 class.

He told us about endogenic systems.

He claimed we didn't have nearly enough trauma to warrent a system, and that instead we were a natural system. One that forms because youre lonely, or need someone.

We were confused... Was what we went through growing up not enough..? Maybe hes right. Yeah people out there have it worse. Those are all parts of any normal childhood! (Spoiler alert. They aren't.)

We began engaging with the endogenic community and were suprised by how much hate they recieved. We engaged with the community briefly, but something didn't seem right.

We spoke with a close friend we had known for years at this point. She had actually graduated with a degree in psychology. We spoke to her about our experiences and she began to tell us more about DID. And looking back on it now, what she told us was all truthful information. Thank you Ali, you're a lifesaver.

We stopped engaging with endos. We found evidence against them. We learned and grew.

We had a few more.. interesting. Experiences with an ex partner but. Thats another post for another time.

Long story short, our experiences with the plural community led us astray from actually acknowledging and accepting the fact we were traumatized. We ended up getting support for our trauma much later than we could have.

This is why we are anti endo. This is why we are anti tulpa. A constant spread of misinformation led us to falling off our path to healing when we needed it most.

[drifloonz]

nah yeah i agree w this, mostly outside of some things and some smaller things like personal interps and headcanons bc. yea that changes from person to person *

*( eg him being walled off post incident due to being exiled by pallet town or maybe kanto in general / they just forgot about him and he slowly gets walled off and rots alone is a lot more narratively ironic and tragic to me ).

speak your shit i suppose, the worst that happens is i dont respond because i dont agree or because idk i just didnt have energy ( <- common ) . i might stop past this point though just to save my followers Huge ass textposts which i already make a lot of and bc im running out of things to say, but that also might be bc 6 am my energys shot and i have not gone to bed. something is, as usual, wrong with me.

and bc there is a line i have between 'personal interpretation(s) i have based on canon' vs 'canon' vs 'canon but it kind of sucks so i dont think about it too hard' that cannot really change for me. but handshake emoji bc yea similar ideas on stevens character

also yea steven feels like so many canon pokemon characters in a blender. AZ the most obvious, leon due to similarities, and like... alder ( unova champion, volcarona died, started wandering in his grief ) . All of these together can give you One (1) steven.

A LOT OF FUCKING TEXT BELOW.

i wrote this at 7:10 am and is mostly an excuse to ramble, not all points will be hit probably some will be hit multiple times i am very tired and dont have much more to add but i fucking love rambling about strangled red, strangled, how much doors open and the remakes suck, and what they mean to me

anyways - ironically i think steven is too selfish to let miki do it. steven wants to be the one to kill him, steven is the one to likely think that mike is a piece of shit and a bastard - and depending on your interpretation of steven, he mightve thought mike did it on purpose ( which im 50/50 on it adds some spice but needs to be written well ). he is the one who feels fulfillment from this more than miki to me, and his selfishness is kind of like... a part of him i dont see often explored like that?

like, he is so caught up in his own hatred and grief ( probably worsened by missingno ) that he doesn't actually really think about the fact he has miki back yet - like you said, he doesnt even really process it other than her just kinda being there now. killing mike feels like something he also just, has to do imo in his minds eye. because it's ironic and fitting to him, because he wants to, once again missingno probably not helping, possibility that he thinks mike 'killed' her on purpose, etc etc, bunch of reasons you could come up with ( i like their relationship being kind of strained pre-incident too - not abusive or anything just like... awkwardly Strained sometimes which wouldnt help ).

although him doing this is not the intention or implication intended , but theres a degree of separation i have between canon and Implied headcanon i have just based on actual shit ab steven - thats also just how it goes with a lot of creepypastas! good baseline, and a lot of implications you can draw from since theyre all really just short stories.

either way, like you said, steven never even celebrated miki being back much. he got her back and then just went straight back to him and mikes house. on foot. slowly, agonizingly, from the pokemon tower to pallet town, which is a uhhh. a Walk, for sure. guy with long ass legs. also why i like to think he paces a lot and just goes for walks when stressed as a headcanon bc.. lol.

or, maybe hes scared of something happening to her or just doesnt want her to do that idk but that has far less ground. i could see it as a shoddy additional reasoning as to why in his own mind but idk if hes mentally there enough to have too many second thoughts when hes pretty deep into . yknow. s!3v3n.

strangled red is a tragedy. steven was someone pushed into his worst, a town and region looking up to him and respecting him so much suddenly pitying him which he does not like based on the actual text ( to be fair he just turns them all down but i imagine he has some resent for being a legend turned into a pity party for all of the citizens especially since, yk, hes grieving, he wanted to be a role model and someone to look up to - at least in how i interpret it. he likely just wants to be left the fuck alone in his grief. misery loves company. but steven probably doesnt, because in my mind he would just like to slowly die from his own neglect so he could see her again. that mindset Would fuck you up and does which once again wouldnt help. )

writingwise, s!3v3n is fine in strangled. hes a videogame easter egg in context of the universe. i do actually like strangled, its a good and short little easter egg in-game styled creepypasta.

i once again just think how hes written in doors open isnt the best, makes no sense in like one case ( why the fuck is he talking about 2011 what the fuck was the angle here ), and is kind of like... i get the angle. he's just objectively not written as well as in strangled or SR, i think. or interestingly, i guess. he's just... yea. whatever. That is a guy that exists. as much as i shit on doors open i dont hate it existing because it is at least funny to see steven having a tantrum when you, dont have his fucking charizard? Because why would you...???? thanks steven.

this is due to me actually like rereading it. i have several times for reference but properly processing it is like... this isnt awful and i get the angle and approach. but it isnt good. It is Not good. i think the rest of the 'story' in DO just being confusing makes it stand out all that more which is prob why i specifically harp on s!3v3ns character sucking ass in it, especially comparatively.

bc yea. of course hes different in strangled red vs strangled or doors open. but hes better in strangled so its just... confusing. idk. no way to explain it in anything that doesnt feel like an excuse, and a lot of Doors opens weird contrivacies reek of 'this is like, clearly not written to be competent or entirely connecting with sr or strangled'.

and the story doesnt make sense and sucks. which makes his character suck because then all of his reason for doing the shit he impliededly does is out of the window. and smr admitting to it just being like lost silver crossover fanfic because he wanted to just yk. confirms that. has potential doesnt do anything with it which i dont expect it to its a 2010 story but damn.

essentially i dont consider it canon even if it was at a point intended to be because nothing in it is mentioned, makes sense, or ultimately... matters. it is write-offable other than any little interesting tidbit randomly mentioned in narration. thats really just it.

strangled does it much better with s!3v3n for me. doesnt talk too much, when he does its about miki ( of course ), and thats about it. also he isnt literally screaming in all caps, which to be fair, there isnt a win condition for his fight in strangled for him to have the ability to, but him like... yelling L I K E T H I S is more interesting. i sound insane talking about the smallest details of a pokepasta like this.

i think the way doors open fucks this up in my opinion is the fact his name seems to uncorrupt when you beat him, but then he goes back to talking about how much he wants to kill you. which... yea whatever hes a creepypasta villain. but then the bunch of numbers and. Yea. theres a lot of reasons people dont take doors open seriously outside of small details you kind of Cant when s!3v3ns talking about equations that equal 2011. mathematician ... Truly, what did s!3v3n do in 2011 . Other than. Be in doors open . sorry thats just still funny to me.

i do not disagree with the angle s!3v3ns characterization is going with ( hes kind of just insane and still losing his mind likely more than before ) i just think s!3v3n is a badly written tropey character compared to his more nuanced take in strangled red, which of course, are different periods in his life, but idk. and then strangled is also a good take to me. DO just is a flop. you can write an insane kind of power maniac who wants to take control of his life back and is kind of losing his mind at all times better. you can do it so much better. He is a guy with insane depression and so many fucking issues and seeing these issues explored would be nice.

strangled red once again did that but idk small examples of like... How unused his house looks maybe. how hes been dealing with everything, or, how hes failing to deal with... really anything. how is he alive? is he being kept alive? Is he eating shitty ramen noodles and drinking awful tap water? Who knows you decide ( its the third answer for me bc its funny and realistic ).

but once again, the trilogy was written backwards practically, so. you know. lot of it probably comes from that and 'slapping together shit that sounds cool sometimes so its literally just inconsistent Because of that probably'

although this extends into headcanons that draw from the text. which i love and prefer bc yea . this is a creepypasta written in 2011 .

idk i just wish he was more morally grey than an insane villainous trope. i wish it had more depth to it other than hes screaming yelling and killing people. his obsession with miki is fun but it doesnt really, go anywhere??? other than vague things.

i just think all in all, strangled red is character exploration and at most a tragedy - this is the most interesting exploration of stevens character, his transformation into s!3v3n, and leaves s!3v3n up in the air as to how he acts or really... you know, is post missingno, post miki-revival . it cuts to black before mike dies but its clear that he does. its clear that in the moment steven probably enjoyed it. did he regret it ? once again, up to interpretation. what did he do after? get exiled by pallet town because they were probably scared of him or slowly forgot about both of them! maybe the elite four wiped everything about him from the record? who knows! its fun to think about and that is all i ever think about, is the smaller questions like that.

anyways autism aside. to. more autism so ig autism not aside.

s!3v3n did not need to be explored or explained past strangled red, to me. even though... yk, strangled reds the last one actually written. which once again prequel syndrome makes things really weird because you write this guy and then hes crazy different in his two other stories which is, intentional but then just feels like an entirely different guy and hes. so shallow and one note and UUUUUGGGHGHHHHH dont get me started. and then the remakes do not do anything about this because structurally, they are very different, so they kind of cant, and hes so different in a still bad and tropey way.

hes boring.

hes fucking boring thats all . hes boring bland plain hes the same. hes a unique character to me, the depths of what you would do for your loved one in a time of anguish ( even if its a pet ), and then that gets dumbed down to being a similar trope when you can do... more. idk. i like s!3v3n conceptually a lot. i do not like canon s!3v3n at all solely due to the way he like... talks.

this is not going to change im sorry ive had 2 years to think on it it isnt doing anything interesting with it to me. i cannot care for him. any way smr will write him will not make me care for him given the direction in the remakes is similarly bad - it is basically the same flavor of s!3v3n as s!3v3n in doors open. i do not care about the canon implications or intentions of him in doors open and i dont think smr did either. its not really the intent or way its meant to come across it is solely just that the way its executed is the most... nothingburger thing to me.

Hes fine in strangled mostly because he like, makes sense there? short story, he doesnt talk too much, not much to fuck up. i like strangled, it's neat. doors open just kind of sucks.

again, DO is just not a good story and makes literally 0 fucking sense and has no merit outside of its little fun facts, so im gunna stop mentioning it . or going into detail ab it bc i made my point that Didnt need to really be made bc nobody really disagrees with 'DO is not really adding anything or a good story outside of a few cool things'

strangled red alone and strangled... as an extension ( or vice versa given release dates ) is fine and that was all that i needed doors open is just kinda. there.

this is disjointed as fuck because i cant really respond to these point by point bc i have to scroll a lot, but miki to me is emblematic of literally everything steven wants - yea, hes dependant on her. shes the way he gets kind of... anything. and shes very just- outright stated to be special. evolving early, being more resistant to her weaknesses, etc.

her being a sort of unique super strong charizard, her being how steven attained so much of what he did, yea i would go. insane over that too.

idk where to put this where it fits in more naturally i dont personally like the 'missingno/miki/whatever' needs souls idea. once again kind of removes stevens agency or a lot of the intrigue behind him straight up murking him if its implied that miki needs mike ( or.. souls i guess? ) to stay alive, and i think him killing mike due to him being in the absolute worse emotional state at that time + missingno is just fun to me. Fun in a morbid way.

missingno is its own whole Can, but it cant be more of a plot device to me other than passively driving steven more insane simply by existing, because its a glitch that is not supposed to exist and that breaks the game world and Would break you mentally the longer youre around it. if you give missingno more agency that becomes a character and not a plot device akin to a Deal with the devil thing which is a weird thing to do with missingno if not handled well. making missingno do more than revive and puppet miki also feels way too much. but that is personal ive seen good interps of botha these.

but thats a personal thing. i like to think missingno puppets that thing like a husk and that actual 'miki' is Not in there, or is but like barely ( a tiny wisp of life maybe ). not that steven really processes it.

i personally relate to steven as a character. this is one of the reasons hes like... kind of a coping character to a degree, alongside coming into my life around A Lot Of Personal Shit. ive related to him in my worst breakdowns or in intrusive thoughts or like... not anger issues but just the need to vent out rage sometimes. i understand him Deeply, i can see myself doing the same things as him in his shoes ( also why i project him having similar mental issues because. yea. Bpd ).

maybe not swimming to a wholeass island id die but you get it, especially given missingnos possible contribution ( even though its like... entirely fanon afaik other than some small bits you could get from implications i do like it bc yk its a game glitch of course that things going to fuck him mentally up worse than he already is simply by existing around him. )

either way, for personal interpretation especially on my blog specifically, i like to write him slowly mellowing out as time passes.

he just has to live with it. live with deep, debilitating depression, thinking about things, wondering where things went 'wrong', and wondering if miki even is like... her, herself. ( even if some people would consider this ooc, i think its a neat character exploration that when hes had enough time alone with his own thoughts and nobody else around to properly stop and think he begins to realize this- if he like, lives that long cuz him uhhh. killing himself would be in character to some degree though because imagine living like that jfc. just. not by fucking cop. but if he didnt... idk i just like modern era cryptid steven whos still very unstable but not to a murderous degree and hes just kind of really depressed along with other things. Guy who throws frozen pizza into his barely working oven or like ramen idk ).

guy who just becomes numb to his depression and The Horrors and lives life lying in bed wondering how he got there. tending to miki and barely tending to his own body at best.

also i think people understate how hard the society around him probably just fucked with his mental state too. of course he would not just Get Over miki dying if he got better care and therapy but. yea. some people just didnt talk to him after the fact! and all he gets is pity that, in my experience, makes you want to fucking die if you get pity from random strangers or people you barely know when you are having A Very Bad ( depressive ) Episode.

overall i agree with you, especially about people just seeing s!3v3n as like a psycho killer hot yaoiguy or whatever ( he doesnt even kill that many people and i dont see him as innately murderous, just often bad time bad place bad mental state ), which is boring and defeats the purpose of so much of his character, because you have to remember how he like... got there for a lot of the context. he isn't just that at all. i just had an excuse to ramble again LOL

kinda hard to write proper analysis about it given the way the trilogy was released and written and just bc i do read a lot about it but a lot of what i write for steven is. you know, far past everything happening. numb and depressed, too mentally tired to really go insane to the same degree, not processing a lot of what he did in the past and when he does he Tweaks ( s!3v3n ), etc.

i need to stop doing this and start actually writing the things asked for in my askbox . i will lock in some day. uhhh if you want more read my other, plentiful deranged rambles and headcanons about steven i dont want to rewrite everything ive ever written ab him bc id forget what ive posted and what i havent but yea

( fair warning; i do write x readers sometimes and that was the og purpose of this blog (still is but not all the time) bc i write steven in the context of like, hyplull interp where hes 18 and then it just expanded. so post incident post Every story ( or at least sr ) steven where he's an adult and the just kind of depressed existing in his house kanto/pallet town cryptid that just kind of is there and nobody mentions him bc its fun to write. )

tldr strangled red good i like steven . Did you gusy know i . Like steven and strangled red and his Tragedy and h. (coughs up blood, falls over and dies )

i didnt want to rb again bc. long ass post. but i dont personally agree with the 's!3v3n / steven was always evil' thing bc its such a boring character motiv. smr just is not good at writing s!3v3n ( in general but just in a compelling or interesting way ), and also strangled red was the last one written where he actually was like, sympathetic. the 'backstory/prequel' written last curse tbh. itd be nice if the remakes were just faithful rewrites so theyd fix this or make it a lil better but.. yk.

i think missingno did enable these thoughts but in the sense that it made the intrusive thoughts and his worse gut reactions and instincts grow and grow until he just, did them. you know like when you say ' i want to kill someone ' but you dont really mean it you're just really fucking upset at them and want to take it out on something physically or mentally but cant? things like that. it makes the violent static in your brain grow and grow until you act without thinking, i feel. just by its aura and by existing.

but i also think interpretations where its 'entirely missingnos fault' aren't great either because it removes stevens agency as a character and also makes missingno even more of a plot device than it already is - which isn't even bad in strangled red but it Is a plot device.

he still strangled mike even if he was coerced into it. did he regret it after or not care and double down? YOU decide!

( i know miki doing it is the actual canon implication and yk. literal canon as confirmed by smr, but thats also fucking boring and lame. killing your brother with your bare hands via strangulation goes so much harder and is more thematically fitting. Thank you hyplull for that interpretation god bless )

[someone-always-cares]

bonus 2, post chapter 4

first - previous - next

[image  description: an sac webcomic page. 5 pages styled in a manner similar to a medical brochure titled “navigating your new abilities, what does this mean for me?”. the brochure is about superpowers, what the are, side effects and health risks, and job oppurtunities. the brochure has white and light blue for the main colours, with a dark purple accent. page 1: mostly showing a girl transforming, with the title listed above, with smaller text reading “created and supported by the paragon institute for superheroism.” the girl is a younger white woman who has a light purple colour scheme, long straight hair and bangs, a crop top, and elbow pads. shes shown from the waist up, half her body and an arm cut out of the photo. her transformation takes the form of dripping black-purple goop spreading, with a starry texture. a similar texture takes up the image background.

page 2: title: what are superpowers?. “Superpower is a term used for superpowered abilities that go beyond the natural abilities and conventional laws of reality. There are little limits to the potential types of abilities that a super powered person may possess.

It is currently unknown what causes superpowered abilities. Despite many theories, the only known way to guarantee superpowers is to inherit them from a parent.

London has the highest percentage of superpowered people in the entire world, in addition to having 42% of all supers in the united kingdom”

next to this text is a grinning woman in pink winking while posing with one hand on her hip, and the other in a fist held up. the woman has long wavy pale pink hair, light brown skin, many freckles, and hot pink eyes. her outfit is a pink dress and gloves, pale pink tattered cape, and a hot pink long sleeved undershirt.

“how do i use and control my abilities? Superpowered people will typically have an innate sense for how to transform and use their abilities,but like any skill it will take time and effort to fully control their abilities.

In some rare cases, a superpowered person may lack control over their powers to the extent where it can cause harm to those around them.

This is most common in those who have inherited their abilities. In these cases the P.I.S offers programs to assist these people in learning control with 24/7 care and supervision. If you or someone you know requires these programs, please call our number or otherwise contact us via our website.

Due to the range of superpowered abilities, there is no one-size-fits-all method of developing control, however, the P.I.S do offer training services, of which you can read more about atwww.pis.uk/pis-services/training

next to this is a teenage superhero, an androgynous boy with a grey colour scheme, smiling slightly, his arm turning into smoke. he has light grey hair and eyes, brown skin and a dark grey bodysuit. he has a grey poncho/cape conbo and gloves, both of which are lined with light grey fleece or fur. his outfit looks as if is was meant for cold weather.

page 3: what are some other symptoms of superpowered abilities? Superpowers are also accompanied by complete transformations, including bodily and outfit transformations. Body transformations will include a change of eye and hair colour, but can also include a wide variety of changes, commonly including changes to eyes, ears, and hands, animal-like features, changes in shape, colour, additional limbs and features, and more.

below that is 5 examples, inside circles with a white border: a close up of an eye, all blue including sclera, the pupil is pale and slit like a cat. next is a close up of a green haired braid. next if also from behind, a red haired person with red wings, the longest feathers of which are white. while the last three arent of any known character, the latter two are wraith, shown from behind, only showing hair and a cape, and part of an arm, and quartz, a close up of his elf-like ear.

Outfit transformations are even more varied in appearance, and will typically be in various shades of the persons 'main' colour. It is common for the outfit to contain additional accessories, tools, and weapons. Electronic devices created from these transformations do not need recharging and if using internet or data, will use the strongest available signal to do so. It is illegal to create, use, or otherwise have in the open, a weapon in public without a registered superhero licence.

The act of transformation will vary from person to person, but will usually involve a bright light, and is likely to reflect the user's powers of their effects. In the case of those inheriting their abilities, they will inherit body traits and transformations from any and all superpowered ancestors.

The effects of a transformation will likely change through a superpowered person's lifetime. A change will usually happen after a dramatic change in the person's personality, ideals, traumatic incident, or other life development, although a change is not guaranteed, and will rarely occur without these.

The first transformation will usually be the simplest aesthetically both in outfit and body, with simple details, but will usually get more complicated, and it's likely to gain more body transformations as more changes happen. A superpowered person may experience 1-2 changes every 10 years.

Objects and outfits created via transformation will dissipate upon detransformation, regardless of if it is removed from the person. The same goes for additional limbs and features that do not exist on the original body, although these injuries are permanent, unlike clothes and objects which will reform upon transformation.

page 4: other known possibilities of transformations:

- Partial changes to a transformation may occur in the event of permanent injury, such as gaining a prosthetic after losing a limb, but nothing else in the outfit changes.

-It is possible for a transformation's change to be affected by other superpowered persons. This is commonly shown by similarities in outfit transformations, as elements of the superpowered persons apperance change to resemble each other.

-Changes in colour are extremely rare and usually only occur in small aspects

other changes and risks: Some changes are permanent and may not disappear when a superpowered person detransforms.

-Reproductive changes: Any biological offspring will have the exact same powers as the parent. However, pregnancy will be risky, and have a high rate of failure, especially if the mother does not have any superpowered abilities.

-Dreams: While there is no known reason for this occurrence, supers will rarely be able to remember their dreams, except those with dream related abilities or legacy supers. However, despite this the people in question will usually be experiencing nightmares, and superpowered people are at high risk for night terrors and sleep terror disorder.

-A superpowered person's body will adapt to their powers and it is extremely unlikely for one to be harmed by their own power, but this may result in permanent changes that may cause inconvenience in daily life. If this is something you or a loved one experience, please inform your GP

-Overuse of powers: While powers appear to be adapted to not cause harm to the user, overuse of powers can result in a large amount of pain and possible long term damage

below that is an image of two people, on looking like a doctor, a pale man with dull brown hair and dull green eyes, dressed as a doctor and smiling with a clipboard, looking at a person shown from  behind, with long mint hair.

page 5: what does this mean for me?

Discovering and controlling your abilities is often the first step one may take inbecoming a superhero. Here at the P.I.S we offer many pathways to doing so,including all required training, courses, and experiences.

We also acknowledge that some super powered people do not seek to become asuperhero, but the P.I.S still has a place for them! We offer many career pathsand courses for almost any job and  our career advisors can match up the perfectpower-job combinations to give you a leg up if you are interested in using yourabilities in your career.  For more information, visit jobs.pis.uk

Use of powers in a job, or to otherwise earn money using superpowered abilities,without a license is a serious offence that can result in fines starting from £5000,and a potential ban from working in that field.

below is the superhero arrow, grinning at a woman in a plain looking suit. he has one hand on his hip and the other is shaking hands with the woman. the women has red hair and eyes, and pointy red nails.

Due to the nature of superpowered abilities, it is important to gettailored advice and support for affected individuals.For more information call us at our support helpline at 020 7946 0xxx. Both our lines are open from 8:30am-10pm mon-fri and 9:30am-9pm sat.You can also visit our website for more resources at pis.uk/resources. end id]

sorry for last weeks lack of update, irl stuff is happening too much and too fast

anyway heres something ive wanted to do for a while, a pamphlet thats kinda medical style? it seemed like it would be fun and i wanted an excuse to try something new and im always down to infodump (affectionate) about my ocs

however im half asleep, ive already delayed an update for a week, and im a little stressed so i didnt get a proper proofread so sorry if theres any typo or if i left a placeholder in ill get it later if i see any late

edit: did i really forget to fucking finish the fake phone number at the end? anyway sometimes fake phone numbers are reserved for tv and stuff if a phone number is needed, thats the one used for london fake numbers, i just forgot to finish it until i went back to write the id there