#and thats all i have to say about the debate
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#and thats all i have to say about the debate#fuck them for not letting the Greens and Libertarians on the stage#and fuck anyone who is being all ‘girlboss!’ about Kamala because she is endorsing and approving funding a genocide#Trump is obviously the worse option#but that doesnt make her a good one and I need everyone to fucking remember that#I implore everyone to look into#vote pact#(vote pact is a strategy wherein a would-be-Harris voter pairs with a would-be-Trump voter to BOTH vote third party)#but i am also not naive enough to believe a third party could actually win#and I do not control how you vote#which is the whole point#no one should#and all options should be presented fairly and equally but they ARENT#So do what you will#And remember#our voting system is broken#abolish the electoral college#fuck the electoral college#ranked choice voting#ranked choice voting PLEASE#us politics#2024 election#2024 debate#presidential debate#american politics#america#usa politics#vote#the right to vote
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doctober day 28: metallic
local old man doesnt "get" the youths, pt 1/??
#back to the future#bttf#doctober#doctober 2023#marty mcfly#doc brown#emmett brown#christopher lloyd#michael j fox#my arts#my sketchy wip arts#im not saying marty definitely had braces... but im saying marty definitely had braces#basing it all on that scene in bttf3 where bufords gang randomly talks about martys teeth. thats my proof !!!#plus apparently average amt of time to have them is like a year so like its POSSIBLE. (i had them for like 3+ years so go off i guess 😒)#anyway this isnt late B) but it almost is bc i was still debating TODAY what to even do >_>;#but here we are so yeah <3#the generational difference of 'polite/goody two shoes' vs 'degenerate/badass' being seen as good and bad things respectively#docs thoughts: hooligan bad!! respectable citizen good :) -> martys thoughts: im not a nerd PLEASE GOD IM COOL I SWEAR#ps tell me marty WOULDNT ask the local disgraced scientist hes known for like 3 months to do literal surgery on him. theyre ride or die PLS#< for all the trans!marty truthers that also applies to u. i think we can all agree hes not above just straight up asking. king
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batman confidential #1
[ID: Alfred Pennyworth walking down the stairs into the Batcave—where Bruce Wayne sits in the dark and in his costume with the cowl pulled down. Alfred announces, “Coffee, eggs benedict and The Daily Planet, Master Bruce. I took the liberty of presuming you would be taking breakfast in the cave this morning.” Alfred sets the tray down on a nearby table as Bruce silently holds a gun up without looking at him, his finger still on the trigger. Alfred gasps, “Master Bruce? That gun, is it...?” He trails off but Bruce speaks up. “The one he used. That night. On them. I took it from the G.C.P.D. evidence depository last year... there was nothing more they could learn from it.” Bruce unloads it, letting a bullet clank to the desk before he picks it up and stares somberly at it. Alfred stiffens up as he asks, “I see. And what precisely did you hope to achieve by stealing your parents' murder weapon, if may be so bold as to inquire...? Beyond an increased capacity for morbid introspection, that is.”
Bruce elaborates, “He fired two rounds. 117-grain hollowpoints... twenty-five cents apiece from any gun store. Is that all their lives were worth, Alfred? Fifty cents of ammunition...? He left four rounds in the clip, one in the breech, dropped it and ran—afraid to finish what he started. And I just stood there. Helpless.” Alfred tells him, “The good your parents did lives on, Master Bruce. And I, for one, am glad he left those final rounds in the gun. I happen to believe the world is better served for having you in it.” Bruce still doesn't look at Alfred or acknowledge the kind statement. He'll go on to explain that a young mother was murdered while he was on patrol and that he blames himself for not preventing it. END ID]
#SORRY JUST THINKING ABOUT THIS AGAIN AND BRUCE BEING SO AGGRESSIVELY BUT PASSIVELY SUICIDAL...#sitting alone in the dark thinking about the deaths he couldn't prevent. thinking about a child who will never know their mother because he#couldn't save her in time (but he did save the baby but thats not enough; itll never be enough.#he doesn't celebrate the victories on account of always mourning the failures)#holding a gun—THAT gun—and thinking his life is worth less than 25 cents of ammunition. that it still is.#blaming himself for his parents murders for so long that it carries to every stranger. he holds them all in his stupid bleeding heart.#alfred saying hes GLAD bruce wasnt murdered and all bruce can think is what use is he if he cant prevent others deaths?#why was he spared but his parents werent? they were helping the city but ‘how can i make a difference when all i do is mop up bloodstains?’#AND!!!! JUST HIM HAVING THE GUN!!!! HE STOLE IT WHEN HE BEGAN BEING BATMAN AND ALFRED NOT KNOWING ABOUT IT!!!!???!!!!#HOW MANY TIMES HAS HE SAT IN THAT DARK CAVE JUST HOLDING IT AND FEELING THE WEIGHT OF IT THAT GETS HEAVIER AND HEAVIER WITH EACH FAILURE?#HOW MANY TIMES HAS HE DEBATED USING IT ON HIMSELF? IF GOTHAM WOULD BE BETTER FOR IT?#JUST!!!!! BRUCE !!!!!!!!!!#happy sad boy sunday !!!#<- it's wednesday.#c: batman confidential | i: 1#crypt's panels#bruce wayne#alfred pennyworth#alfred & bruce#bruce & guns
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When you backread through a fun conversation you had with someone for hours an angel gets its wings
#I was talking to my brother about Norman doors and I had fun in my UX class and he was telling me about demon cores and the trolley problem#in his class. AND I remembered to take my meds today so I can feel every cell in my body. i can feel the neurons rubbing together#and yesterday I infodumped about the specialists bullseye chart to crow and how it ties with witch hat atelier#WHICH I MANAGED TOGET THEM TK READ IM SO HAPPY. I MAKE SQUEALING GUINEA PIG NOISES EVERY TIME THEY TELL ME WHAT THEYVE READ SO FAR. AHH#i might not even be scratching the surface with witch hat there are so many themes i could not possibly fathom or go over my heasd#and thats what makes it so exciting there are so many spaces in between that you can fill with your thoughts and i. i#waves my hands around manically#for anyone interested in my insane ramblings. the bullseye chart is from are we all scientific experts now by harry collins#in my own words its basically saying everything we know about anything is a game of broken telephone#and it discusses how information gets lost in translation between experts and laymen including things that arent in control#one of the main points was how things that happen between experts are complicated including debates and findings#that you can only really understand thru research and experience in that field and cant be smoothly shared without it being reworded#and risking some of those key points. or even concepts that are hard to understand that cant be shared at all#like if you tried to tell me about how DNA works using words scientists are familiar with but i am NOT- i risk missing concepts that i need#to understand to know how it works on the level you understand. or i risk having it reworded and understanding it but not on that level#AND IT DOES TIE TO WITCH HAT THE WITCH AND NORMAL FOLK COMMUNITIES I PROMISE. ITS SO INTERESTING#anyway i spent hours reading back thru that conversation and i might as well admit it goes for almost every fun conversation i have#and it might be the 20mg of adderall in my body but i am in such a state of peace and love i have to verbalize it. ahh#yapping
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I finally actually watched Hazbin Hotel because I was like "I really shouldn't be so judgey, how can I say I hate a show I haven't even watched?" And I can safely say after 5 episodes in:
I hate it.
So I will preface this rant about my feelings towards this controversial show with the following positive statements:
I understand why people enjoy the show, it's fun, the animation is really enjoyable to watch, the music numbers are pretty good, the voice acting is also good, and the whole thing feels like it was constructed around a fandom. Though that last part is a flaw in the overall series, I completely see why people enjoy it. If a series was practically built around making fanfiction, ocs, or fun redesigns, people are gonna have fun making those things. I literally can't blame anyone for enjoying this show. It should also go without saying that I don't think people are morally evil for enjoying the show. I do believe, however, that your taste in shows is bad if you love this show.
I came into this show expecting the WORST. Everything I was told about it was how it was such an awful show and all the horrible things it does. So I was expecting the worst thing I've ever watched to appear before me tonight.
So imagine my surprise when the first 3 episodes aren't that bad. They aren't good, but they're not awful. It's just mid! The animation is fun to watch, the songs are catchy, and the pacing is only a little off. There were a lot of little moments where we got payoff with no set-up. Things like a dramatic reveal of a character that appears to want to evoke a "oh woah, it's that guy!!" moment, but we don't even know who that guy is. A character belting out a dramatic emotional ballad that is also a duet with another major character, but we were introduced to that character earlier that episode and we don't know her well enough to really care about her heartfelt emotional song. Moments that felt more awkward than anything else. Other than that, the show wasn't too bad! I was enjoying myself! I was worried that I was going to enjoy this extremely hated series and how it was going to reflect on my public tumblr image!
And then episode 4 hit.
Episode 4 starts off very similar to the others, and all around, I think it's a pretty good episode if it wasn't for the ending, but we'll get to that.
Episode 4 is a heavier episode dealing with Angel Dust's abuse at the hands of his boss. It gets fairly graphic at points, but with the way people were describing it, I was actually expecting far worse. It has a catchy song from Angel Dust about this abuse, and towards the end, he falls into a self-destructive spiral and vents about how much he wants to basically crash and burn in the hopes that maybe the abuse would stop or he would become too fucked up to notice/care anymore. You know what? This is a pretty heavy hitting topic and really spoke to me as a person who is dealing with addiction and struggles with depression spirals. I felt a lot of what Angel Dust was feeling, even if our situations were completely different. What is the response our little pink spider friend gets? An admittedly catchy song about how he's right that he sucks and he's a loser, "but hey, I'm a loser too! So we can be losers together."
Now, I get what the song is TRYING to say. It's trying to say that you're not alone, that "if you're a loser, then I'm a loser too. But we can be losers together." Which is a nice sentiment and all... but the execution leaves a lot to be desired. It doesn't portray this idea that you're not alone in this world, and there's plenty of people going through similar experiences, so it's important to connect with each other. It instead focuses on feeling more self-depreciating, which is fine and all, but it feels like an inappropriate time to be self-depreciating.
If a person with very low self-esteem vents about their abuse and talks down about themselves, and admits to wanting to self-harm by committing self-destructive behaviors on purpose... I think "seld-depreciation" is the last thing I would want to do with that person.
I get it. The song is trying to be funny and silly with self-depreciating humor to lighten the dark mood and show how Angel Dusk and the weird deep voiced cat-boy (yes, I know his name is Husk) are now getting along and relating to eachother by making jokes about how stupid they were to get into their awful situations... but the song really leaves a sour taste in my mouth because it just feels... wrong. It feels like the wrong response.
The story makes it seem like the song breaks this cycle of self-destructive behaviors and allows the characters to make the first step towards redemption/breaking the cycle of abuse; The song does not fit this theme, it instead just continues that cycle while the story continues on as if it did something else.
I might not be conveying my reasons for WHY the song left a bad taste in my mouth very well, but all you really need to know is that the vibes were off and it seemed like there was something left on the cutting room floor or a mistake between the writers and song writers.
Episode 5 is where I stopped. Like, I can't even finish it. Those previously mentioned pacing issues were nothing compared to the constant wave of hits episode 5 gave me.
First off, we are getting payoff for something that was actually set up! Popping some bottles here! It happens a couple times in the other episodes, but here: a major character is revealed after being talked about and foreshadowed in previous episodes! This really was a first in the series as most of the time, characters were just introduced when the story needed them, causing those awkward moments where a villain or major character got introduced. Valentino was introduced in an episode with some build-up earlier in said episode, but having a character actually be hinted at in earlier episodes before a reveal felt completely new.
And then it was... disappointing. The payoff did not match the set-up. I will state it right now. Lucifer, as a character, caused me to entirely stop watching the show mid episode 5. When you have this big dramatic backstory about how he was an angel of creation who wanted to create, a rebel who went against all he'd ever known to meet another rebel and fall in love with her, a deeply sad man who hid away refusing to take part in ruling hell, leaving it all to his wife? The fact that this is based on Christian theology and Lucifer already has ages of connotation and lore attached to him? Idk I think, "self depreciating, awkward, sad man who doesn't know how to greet his daughter on the phone, and spends all his time making little toy ducks" is... a huge fucking let-down. I understand they're trying to go a more humorous route of "He isn't scary at all, he's just a huge dork!" But it doesn't work, and it just makes me cringe. This alone would be a lot to process in one episode... but Episode 5 still has a LOT of punches in it!
The episode first states that they only have a couple months before the deadline, implying that around 4 months have passed since the first and second episode. Nothing really implies that much time passing between episode 1 and 4, and in the episode, Charlie states all the things they have been working on. Which is things we have already seen in the show. Which tells me that they really haven't been working on anything offscreen during this sudden time skip, so what the fuck happened between episodes 1-4??
Anyways, I could have misread this entire thing and thought far too much into Charlie's stress and the "only a couple months away!". With the word "couple" and the stress the character is clearly going through, I assumed that they were 2 months from the deadline, but maybe I was wrong. I don't know. I didn't finish the episode, and I'm not watching any more.
The first major "hit by a truck" moment was when Lucifer makes his way to the hotel and suddenly, he gets into a feud with Allister. They both sing a song about who is the better Dad to Charlie, and I am sitting there confused because, huh?? Wha?? Where the fuck did this "Allister Dad" thing come from?? NOWHERE in the last 4 episodes (nor the pilot) imply this relationship. Allister is the tumblr sexyman Mary-sue who gets at least 1 new power every episode. Nothing about him out of his entire screen time was paternal. Just as my confusion reaches a boiling point... they introduce a new character suddenly with an unearned "it's ME!" Intro (although unlike past intros, it is ironic).
She's a sassy little flapper who is friends with Allister and whose only purpose this episode is to cause problems to come to the Hotel's way later in the episode, and to give Allister's backstory. A backstory that we really didn't need. Like REALLY didn't need. Seriously this entire show we have been told and shown that Allister is a powerful demon who is feared and not to be messed with. This backstory reveals that he is... a powerful demon who is feared and not to be messed with. The only purpose of this backstory is to reveal a spooky thing he does so he can use it as a threat later in the episode.
Husk confronts Allister about his friend because she always brings trouble, and he snaps at Allister, making a sassy comment. Allister threatens Husk with the previously mentioned spooky thing he is totally known for that was revealed in the backstory.
Lucifer does not approve of the hotel, which makes an awkward scene where Charlie is trying to explain her thinking and her personal experience to her absent father and Lucifer shoots her down by poorly hinting that it just "wouldn't work" because he knows from personal experience. I am not having a good time watching two characters communicate poorly primarily because I hate one of them so much.
The previously mentioned trouble comes their way, and Allister reveals new awesome Allister powers for the 3rd time this episode and goes off to fight off the trouble. Charlie uses this as a way to try to reason with her father. Allister finishes his fight and scolds his friend for using him to fight off the trouble she gets into like Husk said earlier. He then informs here that she either needs to leave or come and stay at the hotel to rehabilitate. She stomps off, and I feel so tired of a third huge payoff with not a lot of set-up.
Allister (who I probably have been misspelling his name this whole time and no I will NOT check) feels like he did a ton of development and growth... entirely off screen. This feels like a 180 to me. This entire show he has been this evil, off-putting guy, that vaguely helps at the hotel, does creepy things, threaten people, and use plot armor powers to save the day or do cool things. So suddenly having an episode where it's stated he has a paternal relationship with Charlie, which has NOT been shown or even HINTED at whatsoever, and where he suddenly turns away a troublemaking friend to protect the hotel he wanted to see fall apart? It's a total 180 from what I'm used to. One could claim that the sudden protection of the hotel was because he wanted to protect his investment, and he knew his friend was using him so he just sent her on her way or offered for her to be tortured in the friendship hotel. I can see an argument for why he didn't threaten or harm his friend when he has killed people or threatened to kill people for less (pretty strong friendship that goes way back when blah blah blah) I can argue about the inconsistencies in how he acts towards the end of this episode compared to the previous episodes of the show all I want.
But come on, you can't argue the sudden paternal thing. That came out of nowhere.
At this point I just, turned off the episode and called it quits. I have heard that the most glaring writing issues come later in the season, and if episode 5 was this bad, I don't wanna keep watching.
Part of me wants to continue watching, as the animation is really enjoyable to watch, and the music is actually pretty fun. But I just know that I'm not going to enjoy myself at all from here on out. It's all going to be downhill from here, and it'll frustrate me. I'm not gonna spend my time watching something I'll hate.
If I wanna watch something frustrating, I'd just watch Jerma play my favorite game for the first time.
#simon says#LONG post#under a read more for a reason#i just... REALLY wanted to complain and vent#also no i did not spell a bunch of names correctly#and also NO none of this is up for debate its all opinion#that one vine like#THATS MY OPINIOOONN#:/ :[#anyways feel free to skip im probably gonna delete it in the morning#it's funny though#my friend told me he liked the show but sees why people dislike it#and I said I disliked the show but see how people can like it#we're both galaxy brained because that's just a normal take to have on things#no more discourse about it. just a simple 'this is my opinion but i get why people disagree with me'#which is the most milquetoast of takes
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I'll never be able to take the theory that Vincent is Sephiroth's real father seriously cuz I cannot stress enough how important I think it is to the plot that Vincent wanted to fuck Lucrecia and did not get to.
#once again i jest but now i have to actually talk about it#like. okay we have no proof of any actual timeline for the dirge flashbacks other than. it was at least 30 years ago#so who knows how long they were at the manor. could have been weeks before The Incident. or months. or maybe a full year! who knows#but to me a timeline of like. they fucked and like a week later vincent found The Evidence and lucercia had her little breakdown#AND THEN EXTREMELY QUICKLY SHE AGREED TO THE EXPERIMENT AND IT COULD GO ONE OF TWO WAYS#1. she knew she was pregnant and thats why she agreed to the experiment cuz there was already a usable subject#and therefore she must have fucked hojo like a week after she fucked vincent AND THATS STUPID FAST FOR THESE EVENTS#or 2. she didnt know. agreed to the experiment. fucked hojo. and therefore thought seph was hojo's and NOT vincent's#AND BY THE WAY. i dont even actually believe hojo fucked either!!! cuz theyre both scientists so why wouldnt they think IVF was the best way#okay. well.... hojo is canonically a fucked up little freak. so. he might have taken the opportunity to... get in there.#also when did ivf even start being a thing? cuz that may play a factor into this if nomura even considered that#well either way lets just unfortunately assume hojo got in there#ITS STILL AN ODDLY FAST TIMELINE#also. fuck man doesnt lucrecia have a later line in dirge where she actually says shes in love with hojo? or something along those lines#IMPLYING ITS BEEN AWHILE SINCE SHE HAD THE FALLING OUT WITH VINCENT. YOU WOULDNT FUCK THE GUY AFTER ALL THAT SHIT#AND WHILE CLAIMING TO LOVE/CURRENTLY FALLING IN LOVE WITH HOJO!!!! LIKE CMON MAN!!!! SHE SUCKS BUT SHES NOT THAT KIND OF A MESS#i dont think vincent would fuck her until they sorted out their issues anyway and that CLEARLY didnt happen.#its VITAL that that did not happen!!!!#its just. if vincent and lucrecia fucked. everything would have had to happen EXTREMELY fast within like a 2 week timespan#and im just talking about up to when vincent learns shes partaking in the experiment. it was probably another week or two until vincent died#SO. logically it must have been like#fall in love->learn about the gimoire incident->refuse to speak to vincent->get obsessed with hojo->fall in love(?)#and then thats where i think its ambiguous on did the experiment become an idea before or after seph started to exist?#like chicken or the egg ya know. experiment idea or sephiroth zygote?#that feels fucked up to say. im so fucking sorry to seph to talk about this. yeah sorry i have to debate who fucked your mom bro#god imagine telling him that. like not even as a reveal thing cuz he knows who his father is. just like as a sick joke. your mom joke.#NO OH M Y GOD I HAVE A QUESTION NOW#in accordance to him having a photo of lucrecia in ever crisis. after he reads that jenova is an ancient (incorrect btw)#does he think that picture is still her? what about when he takes jenova's body from the lab????#oh my god 30 tag limit. FUCK. i need like a rant blog for all this vincent talk now. my brain is going a mile a minute
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reading posts that come across my dash and sitting for a minute to debate with my mental disorder if not reblogging this will mean a hell portal will open beneath my feet and i will suffer for eternity for my lack of action or if its all good and i can just scroll on by (its usually the hell portal thing)
#⚠️#personal#having ocd makes making moral decisions so fucking hard for no reason#cause ill see a post thats like info or seems important and like i can tell its that kind of post just by skimming it st first and somethin#clicks in my brain that just tells me if i dont share that post everyone will know and think im a horrible person#regardless of what the actual post is about#i need like a handbook on how to make proper moral decisions#cause like yeah i do care about things i try to share stuff about things i care about and believe are important but sometimes i dont have#the energy to read long as posts and my brain twists it to make it out that people will know and i am the bad guy#idk my ocds telling me even saying this makes me a bad person#the fact i even struggle with this#sometimes i think im not built for social media but really i think social medias not built for people like me#maybe i should get help for my ocd but the idea of describing all the shit going on in my brain to someone just makes me feel scared#cause like i dont know when to draw the line at making something a problem i should actively have a hand in helping#how much is too much when do i stop#<- in regards to my own mental health like the mental exhaustion that can come from it i hope this makes sense#like some things you gotta invest like emotional shit into and like sometimes im just tired and i come on here and im faced with one of#those posts and i just have to debate with myself what the fuck im supposed to do#this is more a me issue than anything i need to sort this shit out with some mental health professional or something#cause like i dont want to have people think i dont care about these things i do and ik pressing reblog takes like no energy but idk man#im not even sure if some of the shit i reblog is cause i care or is just an ocd compulsion#i feel like most times its both#i cant help but think im the problem here i want to be on social media its just so draining having my mind repeatedly hound me for not like#showing enough care (reblogging more posts) about a certain issue online#idk im so tired of it all im so tired of my mind i wish i didnt have ocd#vent#so funny right after i posted this i scrolled down and one of these posts was rigjt beneath it and the debate happens all over again#lord i need to get out of here
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i think people should be fully allowed to opt out of working jobs and still be able to live comfortably no matter what their situation is and im not fucking kidding
#i keep thinking about my dad a few weeks back being like 'i think everyone needs to earn their share by working' and internally i was like#actually i think thats fucking stupid LOL but ive thought that for a while now#it also only just occured to me that i dont even know how disabled people fits into that idea of his#but theres many flaws to his idea#granted theres also flaws to mine but im not a fucking government dude idk how that shit works. and idc#cause i still think this should be a thing anyway#and people can be like 'but then no one will work! what about all the jobs that we need!' people will still work dumbass#plus honestly people dont like the idea of jobs being taken by robots but i actually do think some would be fine being taken by robots#like self check out is a thing and old people are like 'wah wah why should i use it if im not being paid to do the cashiers job wah wah'#shut the fuck up who literally gives a single fuck. when im alone i literally always use the self checkout its genuinely faster and easier#and also i dont like interacting with people if i dont have to. win win. plus retail workers are famously miserable#most retail jobs like. might actually just be replacable. not all of them. but some#this has become a lot ignore me lol im just saying stuff#also i know people will be like 'whaaa but youre anti ai wdym you think jobs should be replaced by robots!?'#i think art cant be replaced by robots. but being a fucking cashier? the biggest issue there is just shoplifting i mean come on#whatever this isnt a full on debate or anything im just rambling lol#ignore me
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man I wanna get in fh related fandom discourse but in like a quiet way where we all go around and directly share notes with one another. maybe a power point presentation is involved
#^ this is literally just. a debate. or a discussion. There are words for this#Ive noticed there are more or less like. Three distinct stances on fh people take depending on who they gaf about#I dont want to start Real Petty Discourse is the issue I just want to have a conversation… I want it so dearly…#I see fh fans get mad about toxic!fh takes and state that its wildly inaccurate. and I feel the need to argue but then its like well#I take a step back and go okay I see where theyre coming from actually. because a lot of toxic!fh takes are made with like.#only sad jimmy angst in mind. and so scott becomes the villain for those fics and I look at them and go. he would not fucking say that#BUT THEN ALSOOO I get where THATS coming from too because he’s very mean to jimmy in DL so when people want to write their sad jimmy fics#of course that’s where they’re going to go. because something is off about traffic!FH its true#so rancher shippers and such see that and go oh okay and run with it#Its just. Very interesting all around?#deranged.fh.posting#idk if anyone gets what im talking about. I look at the fh tag pretty often and used to be pretty into rancher fics myself so—#My conclusions are based on that#bree barks so fucking loud
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😺
#i haven't addressed yoongi's situation yet because i'm honestly still not hit by it i guess. like it didnt gwt to me yet#i dont think ill ever love anyone the same as i love him you know what i mean#he has been the first reason of my self development. like he literally raised me??? i learned from him how to be the person i am today#and its like im saying goodbye to a family member. the thing is i have never griefed anyone's absence like this#its like a part of my soul will be missing until he comes back#but at the same time i know what he would want for me. to move on and to become my own reason#he would want me to be kind to myself. to focus on myself and not miss him that much.#he would want that for all of us right#but i have a very hard time processing things. do you guys remeber the festa last year? when we found out theyll be going on hiatus#the reality of it snd the fact that it will be happening hit me onky after around 3 months.#thats when i first cried because i realized what it meant. ofc i knew but it didnt occur to the emotional part of my brain at that time#and i feel like im truly gonna fall apart when THIS hits me in 3 months lol#my life has never been worse and thats honestly the time when i need the reassurance the most#when i need the people i love and find comfort in the most.#but its just me and thats technically just my problem. but since i am talking about my view on this then thats okay i guess hahah anyway#i just hope he knows there are milions of ppl who love him as much as i do. and thats like extra love like forever & beyond type of shit#i honestly dont think other people ever truly fully understand how we feel towards them. especially when you really love somebody#because they have their own opinions about themselves. they debate whether they deserve some kind of treatment or not. we all do that right#and i just know he does that too. i just reslly want him to feel completely loved and cherished and appreciated.#i want him to see himself through our eyes. to surround himself with people who see him exactly the way we do.#to fall in love with somebody who will see him like we see him#nobody deserves better life than this man. and i hope that after our reunion he will live that life to the fullest 💓 i can't wait to see it#anyway. if somebody needs to talk about it or wants to get sadness out of your system - im here 💓#please keep your heads up and lets wait for him 💓#we have esch other and we will be okay 💓#sorry for typos i can barely see its 1am 🤓
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1 month ago today my exes mom died is it too soon to tell him I unfriended him and ignored his message because I kind of think he raped me
#i never planned on telling him cuz honestly even tho i dont want him in my life anymore i dont know if what happened was actually rape#theres been a lot of debate over whether or not my specific situation was rape or what the feminists like to call “maintenance sex”#so it feels rather cheap of me to call it rape when our collective idea of rape is so much more sinister than what happened to me#but anyways i didnt want to talk to him about any of this because i dont know what to say about it and i think hes too sexist to listen#but i Did get a very funny and wholesome snap memory of him and one of my besties so i sent it to him#and thats how i found out he reached out to me exactly a month ago to tell me his mom died and to ask for support#which of course i cannot provide cuz i feel too conflicted about him to put aside my ego + i feel that he doesnt deserve that from Me anywa#see also my resistance to cutting him out of my life to the point that i didnt block him or delete all of his pictures#i didnt even get rid of all of his things i kept the sweater his mom gave him cuz i Knew she was going to die too soon#and i knew he would miss wearing this sweater which is the one from his favorite picture of him and his mom together#so not only is the context of this situation very ambiguous but also i dont really feel the way i think a rape victim is Supposed to feel#i mean i have my moments when i really think about it where im hurt and im angry and i cant help my reaction to it even years later#but otherwise im fine and even when it comes to him i was mostly chill and stayed with him for a year after it happened#so i dont feel i have any right to call it rape and yet it was definitely not consensual sex#and theres just no other word to describe ambiguously nonconsensual sex
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just went through all my ao3 fics and edited all the tags because i feel like i overtag a lot and it always bothered me. tbf the most overtagging happens in my relationship/character tags but i find it super difficult to judge who/which relationship is important. like friendships are So Important in my fics i dont feel like i cant tag less there? especially my longer fics. amtc james&sirius and black brothers are in my mind at least if not more important than literally amtc jegulus. i know its a jegulus fic but also jegulus is just the catalyst for other relationship dynamics. how do you tag that stuff
#honestly same with operation wanker#i finally put the wolfstar tag at the end of the relationship list#because genuinely when i first wrote the fic i debated leaving that out completely because i just do not focus on them At All#but considering theyre the very reason for the whole fic i couldnt not tag them#but james and sirius in operation wanker are as important to me as jegulus#and they go through a similar plot line of developing and changing so ?? yk???#idk how to tag i am really bad at it honestly#as you can tell i have exam season#hence me doing anything but the things i should be doing#hp#fic rant#i need a tag for general ramblings#i did take out a lot of character tags in a lot of my fics#like in some of them i literally now have a relationship tag but not the character tag which im also still not sure at#like on lies and spies still has the peter&marlene tag but it doesnt have a marlene tag anymore#and im still debating if i should also take the relationship tag out but also its important for peters actions??? idkkk man i am bad at thi#took out a lot of tags from amtc because i just felt it was too long overall#like i do think they were not completely unimportant but it was such a wall of text i felt a bit overwhelmed#tagging fics where its literally just 2 characters and theyre romantically/sexually involved is so much easier#like on high delight the tags make perfect sense because its very obvious what the focus is on#but i so seldomly write fics that are confined to just a ship (/) dynamic#maybe this is my arospec that ive been eyeing for the past 10 years and keep ignoring showing#i just care about writing relationships (&) so much more honestly#ok thats actually a lie im not tooo good with just platonic fics but i like writing romantic stuff in the context of friendgroups#i like characters having to keep secrets from the people they usually tell evrything to#love exploring characters finding out they have friendship boundaries they previously didnt know about#love writing about trust and and conflicting feelings and having to make choices#also lmao very iconic of me to have 5km of tags on a post of me saying i am prone to overtagging. really proving my own point here
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the online system community sucks so bad lmao
#(not talking about any of my system friends/mutuals)#vent#vent post#free to interact/reblog whatever though#anyway it sucks because there isnt actually a cohesive community. it is so divided#there is so much infighting its actually fucking wild#and i wish i could say all the infighting is coming from kids who dont know any better but... its not#adult systems have been poisoned by the infighting too. and it never fucking matters#we arent even accomplishing anything#what. exactly. is the point#the syscourse is hell and its constant and it rarely changes anyones minds#not that it matters if anyones minds change or not because it DOESNT. FUCKING. MATTER.#you go into the system community and everyones just DUKING IT OUT WITH EACH OTHER#i genuinely dont fucking care what side of syscourse youre on#you have better things to fucking do!!!!!!#syscourse doesnt MEAN ANYTHING it is one of the most pointless and yet somehow the most dramatic and hateful debates on the internet#WHO FUCKING CARES.#please for the love of god direct your hate towards something else#this is the most dumb and meaningless thing to waste your energy on#none of this matters irl ever#anti syscourse#tw syscourse#anyway yeah if you're plural i am not going to ask questions because it is none of my fucking business and frankly it is nobody elses either#i am unlikely to ever post anything like this again just because i also have better things to do#but i wanted to get it off my chest#we used to engage in syscourse and it was so draining and got us harassed#and in the end we just realized that it is not worth the energy or the fucks to give#again if you say you are plural i will treat you as plural and thats it. i have shit to do man
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You know it kind of sucks to see discourse about whether or not me and people like me should exist. Like just the fact that it's even a question in the first place sucks.
#ramblings of an arrow#I really need to make more friends that just arent christian at this point#like I still love my religious friends very much#but the fact that its an actual question being asked and that the majority answer is no like SUCKS dude#like holy shit and yall wonder why ppl leave the churh in droves#why there are so few queer christians#like its so fucking difficult to exist in a space where your right to exist is up for debate#its exhausting#like even if you arent outright saying it you make it so obvious you dont want ppl like me around#that the fact that I exist is either abhorrent or just too awkward to acknowledge#also sorry not sorry that my marriage is healthier that all but like 2 christian marriages ive ever seen#my lesbian ass is better at having a healthy loving marriage and good sex than most of you will ever be#youre gonna look at me and tell me that its wrong? really??#can you look me in the eye as you treat my existence as something to be ignored or spoken about in hushed tones#oh hide your children I might corrupt them because I exist being a loving caring adoring spouse to my wife#you dont like to talk about us or acknowledge us unless its to debate our right to be#as if that should even be a fucking question in the first place#im sorry i just.... this gets exhausting sometimes#im not gonna apologize for existing or try to hide the parts of me that make you uncomfortable#I am queer as hell I am a dyke I am a faggot I am a tranny and thats not gonna change no matter what you want#I adore my wife she adores me and I never felt this level of deep abiding compassionate love in christian spaces#your love comes with strings attached even though I know you want to believe it doesnt
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When ST fans interpret every antagonistic character to be a child molester for some reason
#tw sa#tw csa#puts up a sign that says i love fandom theorizing and creativity but what the fuck are some of yall one lol#*on#genuinely im not even saying the vibes arent there but do you genuinely think theyre going to take a character that represents#internalized shame and actually make them what they think that they are#like approaching it from an internalized homophobia standpoint which a lot of these takes do#yeah a lot of gay men who grew up in horribly environments will be brainwashed by that shit and be terrified of becoming a monster#but the whole point is that theyre WRONG about themselves and the ppl who convinced them of that in the 1st place ate the real 'monsters'#thats. thats literally the climax of s4#genuinely not all parallels are going to be one to one and not all vibes are going to be literal#idk I just have a lot of thoughts abt this TBH and this isnt even 5% of it#not an attack either im sure the intentions are innocent enough i just. would rather wait until s5 bc i personally think theres a lot#more to it than that#henry creel#<- bc i only trust henry stans#alsl dont @ me im not here to devate lol#*also#*debate#fuck typos
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why do ppl call shark3ozero a debate bro when like. I hardly ever see him actually debate anyone..? usually he’s just talking about current events?? is talking to vaush like twice really enough for ppls black and white thinking to be triggered about ppl????
#talk to vaush once immediatly gets labeled debate bro rip#Anyone Who Has Ever Talked To Vaush Is Problematic#dawg if thats true plenty of your favorite video essayists should be labeled problematic by you lol#admit you have a bias :/#i dont even like vaush but come on.#i think hating vaush and not wanting to be like vaush is a bad starting point for what kind of politics you hold#like thats deeply stupid. like you should form your political opinions based on how you FEEL inside not based on how much you hate certain#external people. bc at some point they're gonna say something you actually agree w but you'll be so blinded by your hate of them that#you'll either choose to heavily misinterpret it or do a complete 180 and decide that belief is bad now.#'w-well i only like the people who come on who disagree with him#!!' thats not fuckin true.#1. the leftists who come on and disagree with him he's USUALLY able to find some sort of agreement with someone about whatever#unless THEY'RE specifically being stubborn and pretending they dont believe something just bc vaush said he believes it and they hate him#so much and agreeing with him would make them look weak to their chat or whatever#that yeah. so no if you've actually ever seen his discussions w ppl YOU like who he disagrees with most of the time they're agreeing about#other shit.#2. plenty of the people who come on who disagree with vaush are nazis. also. because they dont like his leftism. you sure you only#like the ppl who disagree w him?#i hate defending him so much. like theres so much i dont even like about him now but the most frustrating things is ppl making up#reasons to hate him or full on getting all their info about him from neonazis who literally have an agenda to get rid of him#and so many of yall are often useless idiots for these types of neonazsis.
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