#and that's why I don't think Law would beg for love as a result of his trauma

[l-in-the-light]

Trafalgar Law: fear of closeness and touch part 2, the extended edition

Writing another post about it, because I have a lot of thoughts I need to organize for myself. This time it will be more like my interpretation about Law and his relationships with people than about the touch itself. And also I forgot one of the most crucial scenes about the topic (because ofc I would forget something so important), so I will start with it:

The last touch he remembers from Flevance is hiding under the pile of corpses, cold dehumanized bodies, treated like trash. No one wanted to touch them, just like no one wanted to be touched by Law. How poetic that Law escaped Flevance with a death sentence while hiding among the dead, because he will be treated like he's dead to the world from now on.

This reminds me of a manga I once read, Shigeshoushi (The Embalmer). It's about a guy whose job is embalming the dead, and he is ostracized, feared and refused by people as a result. Contact with death and dead bodies is taboo in Shinto and folk culture of Japan in general. If you think it's a thing of the past, I reccommend to watch Okuribito (Departures), it's really good and this topic is at the heart of the movie.

Anyway, back to the manga, warning for spoilers. Situation escalates to the point when the only human touch the guy can get is that of him handling the corpses for his job and that really messes up with his mental health. His despair leads him to engage himself in risky situations just to get by, casual sexual encounters with strangers become the only form of intimacy he can get and he soon gets addicted to it, but it still lacks the emotional warmth and love he desperately craves, so it's never enough for him. Of course to even get those encounters he has to lie about his job and whenever his lie gets exposed and he is confronted about it, forced to listen to all those women blaming him, feeling disgusted by what he forced on them (it was never forced, but suddenly it's unwanted after they learn he embalms dead bodies every day), and it just triggers and deepens his trauma.

I wonder if you can tell where I'm going with this comparison. Law is definitely as starved for touch and love as the main protagonist is. Still, I don't believe Law would become hypersexual (tho that's just my personal impression, especially after he so blatantly refused Monett), but most importantly unlike the main character Law would definitely not desperately beg for the touch. It's just not how Law is, he doesn't like to impose himself on others if he absolutely doesn't have to. Not to mention he can't bear asking openly for help or for anything really, not after the Vergo incident. It was the last time he ever begged for something.

Law seems to be the type to neglect his own needs to the point that he makes stupid and reckless decisions based on his fear of losing people (callback to Wano and imprisoned Hearts). When people dear to him are in danger, his first instinct is to rush and help them unless he's completely immobilized. That's the level of "prioritizing other people's safety and needs" he believes in, he would do it every time, but he hates when people do it for him. Mostly because he deeply believes Corazon got hurt because of him, and Corazon gave him all that love Law was starving for. And Law believes Cora-san finally died for it.

Add his trauma of expecting people to not want to be touched by him into the equation. That's why he has problems expressing his own need for love (and touch) from that point onward. He acts so tough, doesn't allow himself to show weakness and will definitely never ask for love, he learned his lesson on that.

But what about Heart Pirates? They love him! He clearly protects and deeply cares for them, but in each scene he is with them, not counting Bepo, he keeps them at a distance. I do believe Law treats his crew more or less on equal terms, he favours freedom after all, but their relationship is restricted by his fear and makes it significantly more asymmetrical than the one Luffy has with his crew. I do think Penguin and Shachi are more important to Law than the rest of his crew, they're best friends, they've formed the Heart Pirates together, but he doesn't allow them to be on touchy feely basis with him. That's reserved for Bepo. Bepo is basically the last safe haven Law allowed himself to have up until Strawhats happened.

Law at Sabaody creates three new bonds with people: with two supernovas and Jean Bart. The latter he takes into his crew and I believe it's because Jean Bart has no other place to go, especially with Marines and Pacifistas running around the island. It's possible Law does it all the time and his crew (beyond the original four) got expanded because of that.

Law's bond with Kid started on a wrong foot, not only Kid judges Law based on prejudice and "bad rep" flying around about him, he also accussed him of lack of manners (triggering a flashback to Vergo), all in Law's hearing range. It's not really surprising later on Law doesn't want to owe Kid a favour by letting Kid take care of the Marines. Law clearly doesn't want to be indebted to someone who feels disgust towards him (I don't think Kid is disgusted by him, but that's what Law thinks at this point). And even after Wano it seems Law made sure that they're even, none is indebted to the other. For Law it was just a temporary alliance, he kept his distance, they didn't end up becoming friends.

Last new bond Law created was with Luffy. It started indirectly at first, Luffy was defending his fishman friend. Things said about Hatchan triggered a trauma response in Law ("Don't come closer! Disgusting! He will spread diseases!"), in my headcanon freezing him in the spot. But Luffy defended his friend and indirectly also Law by punching the Celestial Dragon, in similar fashion to Corazon defending Law by punching the doctors spouting similar prejudice about amber lead syndrome.

Law thanked Luffy for that and he felt safe doing so, after all what Luffy did was never directed at Law himself, but the gratitude must have confused Luffy to no end (Why is that guy thanking me? I didn't do anything for him!). Law didn't mind this bond at this moment exactly because it was so indirect, as a result he allowed himself to interact with Luffy and even took the first step, probably thinking it will lead to nothing. But he would never do it if not for Luffy's indirect impact on Law. If that's the expected level for casual bonds Law has set up, I doubt many occassions appeared for that before. It just shows he avoids people as a general rule, period.

But things changed after they left the auction house. Law is displeased with Kid, only telling him not to order him around and refusing to even talk with him, but his dynamic with Luffy is completely different, he doesn't feel bad about it despite being treated like accomplice in the whole Celestial Dragon incident.

He even allows himself to tease him a bit. There's no bad air between them. It almost feels like Law feels more emotionally available despite them being strangers, or rather exactly because they're strangers here and Law thinks they will also leave as strangers, which gives him the freedom to be more open.

They fought together, mostly by accident, but for Luffy that's enough to already feel a bit attached to Kid and Law. He declares he's after One Piece, implying from now on they will be rivals.

That doesn't earn him any response from Law. In fact, he just smirks and retreats without a word.

There are multiple possible reasons for his reaction here, but one of them is important right now: if Law said anything, he would acknowledge that bond, that of being a rival to Luffy. He didn't want it, in fact he wanted them to remain strangers, with no lingering attachments. That's why, when he got offered Luffy's friendship (disguised as rivalship, mind you), he turns back and retreats.

That's his answer. Later in Amazon Lily he also ends up retreating without even waiting for Luffy to say his thanks.

And how ironic that the next time they see each other it's Law who ends up extending his hand, not once, but twice: first by saving Luffy's life by risking his own, and second time by proposing alliance. I can only imagine Luffy's surprise: he got rejected before, but now it's Law himself proposing it! And what a funny guy he is, he doesn't need to offer friendship, because for Luffy they're already friends, after all didn't Law save his life? Law though just needed help, but wouldn't ask for it directly, because we know he never does that anymore, so instead he offered a bait. Frankly he didn't need to, Luffy would do anything he wanted him to anyway. Luffy ofc thought the alliance is a fun idea, but in the end he accepted it because it's Law who needed it to be an alliance, he wouldn't accept help otherwise. Also alliance felt impersonal and safe, without the need to be emotionally open.

There's so many seperate frames of Law just staring and thinking upon their reunion. He's conflicted. Also at this point their relationship changed, whether Law wanted it or not. He was there when Luffy lost Ace, saw him breaking down, definitely thought they now share something in common: they both lost people who were the dearest to them. I'm also sure he could see through Luffy's smile, he knew there's no way he would be already "okay" after just two years.

Unusual whimsical frame of Luffy. He closed his eyes, not listening to the words spoken, but instead listening to his own heart. He knows he needs to kidnap Caesar, that's what Law asked him to do, but Luffy doesn't just want to do what he's told, he wants to make sure the person he is doing it for is happy. It's a callback to Luffy's deepest regret: leaving Sabo with his family, assuming things would be better this way, without making sure first if that's something that would make Sabo actually happy.

Ever since Luffy does this double-check-for-no-regrets for all of his friends and crewmates. He follows Nami to Arlong Park and waits patiently in case she actually needs help. She questions Kyros' choice and goes to all the way to Rebecca to the castle just to ask her if she's really fine with staying seperated from her dad. And he does it here as well. Would kidnapping Caesar make Law actually happy, Luffy wonders. And probably thinks back to their previous encounter, in Sabaody, and Law's mysterious line after Luffy punched the Celestial Dragon: "Thanks Strawhat, you showed me something interesting". And Luffy found his answer and it's this:

Punching Caesar. Apparently Luffy did something right in Sabaody and he thinks it was about the punching, so he does it again now as well. Ofc he wants to punch Caesar anyway, but he does pause before doing that, he actually doesn't jump for it straightaway, it's AFTER he thinks about it. Luffy decided this is what would make Law actually happy, despite going against the plan. Luffy didn't believe following Law's plan will actually make Law happy, but punching his enemies will.

And yet Law doesn't look happy, but let's look more closely to his body languague. He turns around, doesn't declare his unhappiness directly to Luffy's face, he's making an emotional retreat again despite shouting. He's giving mixed signals. So was Luffy wrong?

Law is trying to hide his smile. Making sure no one notices. He's trying to maintain the distance and remain cold, but seems it's working less and less efficiently.

I will let you decide it for yourselves whether Luffy was right or wrong in the end.

There is more nuance about this I didn't even touch yet, for example the drastic gap between Marines fearing Law and calling him a monster, and Stawhats (minus Luffy), at first fearful and suspicious of Law, but it took them like 5 minutes to change their mind and trust him just like Luffy did.

In Dressrosa Law declares that, deep in his heart, he actually also wants to kick Doflamingo's butt. Luffy doesn't even act surprised upon hearing that. Of course, he knew already, Law didn't even have to say it.

While in Dressrosa Law attempts to break the alliance, send off half the Strawhats to safety and despite barely being able to move himself he takes care of Luffy in the final countdown. Almost like he already treats them like his own crew, keeping them safe. If you ask me, someone got attached. And the pinnacle of it is when Law shares with us that he aims to either live or die with Luffy (not die for him, unlike Luffy's own crew declaring in this arc). That's the best he could offer and he knows how much it's painful when someone dies *for you*, he wouldn't inflict that pain on Luffy again, not when he knows Luffy thinks of him as a friend.

And finally in Wano Law finally opens up more and lashes out at Strawhats, just like he did at Corazon. He no longer feels the need to emotionally distance himself all the time, or keeping it all bottled up behind a stoic cold facade and impersonal "alliance". That's how he shows his worry and affection, he considers them his responsibility in Wano.

He also admits for the very first time his fear of losing people. "The plan isn't worth anyone dying" (in this case - Zoro dying). He allows himself to trust and to be vulnerable.

If you think Law is torn about his growing connection with Strawhats, then you're thinking the same as me. He allowed himself to get attached and he didn't want to initially.

Is it really alright if I touch you too…? (ready to retreat his hand at any moment he senses it's unwanted after all)

His words are often rough and cold, but his actions speak for themselves. He trusts the Strawhats by this point, they're his second crew, and he would do the same for them he would do for his Hearts.

And now he has a problem, he gained more people he is afraid of losing. New friends.

[dyns33]

Flufftober 2024 - 5 Alfie Solomons

There were accidents at the bakery, real accidents, not at all planned and which bothered Alfie a lot, because it disrupted production and some of his men could be injured.

Bur most of the time, it wasn't that serious. Y/N never heard about it if she wasn't there. Even if he didn't hide anything from her, her husband didn't see the point in worrying her unnecessarily.

It was obvious that there had been a small fire in the morning when Y/N arrived, but obviously nothing too serious, since the activity had not stopped.

However, she could read a certain fear in Ollie's eyes when she greeted him.

"Mrs. Solomons ! I didn't know you were coming today !"

"Normally I was not, but I was bored and Alfie forgot his scarf again."

"I… I can take it to him, Madam ! He wouldn't want you to bother over such a small thing !"

"I don't mind." Y/N said suspiciously. "I'm already here anyway."

"Yes, but… The boss is out !"

"Ismael told me he was here."

"I mean… He's here, but he's in a meeting, he said to say he wasn't here, that he shouldn't be disturbed, even by his lovely wife. I'm really sorry. He's very busy, he doesn't even know if he'll be able to come home tonight and… Madam Solomons, no, please !"

She didn't listen to him, walking past him without him really trying to stop her. The poor boy knew it was useless, and that Alfie wouldn't like him touching his wife.

Opening the door, she wasn't surprised to find that there was no appointment.

On the other hand, she stared at the man sitting at the desk with some perplexity.

The clothes were Alfie's. The posture, the face, the hair.

But something was missing, something essential.

"Treacle, I can explain."

"Why ?"

"I'll explain, wait."

"Alfie, why ?"

"There was a lil problem, I wanted to help put out the fire and… I know, everyone would prefer that half of my face was hidden, me the first. But it will grow back ! Don't panic, love."

In addition to his right hand covered in a bandage following a slight burn, Alfie's beard had caught fire, and despite his quick reaction to splash himself with water, the result was not enough to keep the hair that remained without looking ridiculous.

Plus, the stupid doctor who came for the others insisted on examining him, and for that he had to shave it all off.

"I look like a baby." he mumbled, touching his chin. "A big ugly baby."

"You're not ugly."

"A real monster. I saw your reaction, you hate it, and I don't blame you. I hate it too. How horrible."

"Oh, shut up, you big baby." Y/N sighed, coming to sit on his lap, fascinated by this new face. "I don't hate it, I was surprised. You're very handsome."

"Hmm. I won't stay like this, even if you beg me. Don't beg me, treacle."

"No. I prefer my husband the way I know him. I don't think I've ever imagined you without a beard. You look like another man, a disguise. Oh ! You could do the same haircut as my brothers, that would be fun ! Finn and the kids want to celebrate this holiday where everyone dresses up."

"If any of your brothers come near me with scissors, I'll rip them off and stab them in the eye."

No doubt he could have continued to threaten the Shelbys and growl, but when she kissed him, on the mouth and all the rest of that unfamiliar skin, he froze, enjoying the sensation.

No one touched his hair, but he agreed to come to the little party, both delighted and annoyed by his in-laws who stared at him with the same fascination as their sister. But it was hard to tell if it was because of the lack of a beard, or because he was wearing a tuxedo.

After Polly and Ada whispered to Y/N that her husband was quite handsome, he decided that the others were staring because they were jealous and he had a rather good night. He then spent the rest of the month waiting for his beard to grow back regardless.

________________________________

(Alfie at the party)

[live-fast-pet-frogs]

Genuine Question for the Monte Cristo fans:

Why is Fernand always ALWAYS the bff of Edmond in every single adaptation? Like, in the books they pretty much meet literally before the almost-wedding of Edmond and Mercedes, and they don't even like eachother much. It's pretty much stated that even Edmond who is benevolent af is only putting up with Fernand because he is the cousin and best friend of his fiancee, and he wants to form a friendship based on their shared love of Mercedes. But like he is not completely blind and knows that Fernand gives him the stink eye. As for Fernand, he is super vary around Dantes and Mercedes has to essentially beg him to be nice to him.

And historians think they were best friends ?!?!

In fact, book Edmond is super kind but he is not THAT stupid. He knows that Danglars is highkey jealous of him, he knows Caderousse is planning to exploit him (as his landlord) after finding out he got a promotion, and he KNOWS that Fernand isn't his biggest fan. He is just amicable with them and polite but doesn't genuinely consider them friends or trust them at all. He only trusts his father, Mr. Morrel and Mercedes, that's it. And Villefort because he doesn't think that being honest with an officer of the law will result in him being fucked over. Which is completely reasonable, and most people would do the same.

So why is his naïveté exaggerated in every adaptation? And WHY do people ship him with Fernand so badly? I get the whole "My bro stole the love of my life " trope but come onnnn.... it's a cliche and not what Dumas intended at all when writing the book! (At least that's what I think, I can't exactly ask him...)

[mamuzzy-creates-stuff]

E for ALL the ships! Please (:

E - Do you have any favorite headcanons for this ship?

For ALL THE SHIPS!!! You really gave me a homework, love <3 But I really enjoyed writing this little compilation.

Let's see...

-- OrdoMaze --

My favorite thing about them is how they try to understand each other's functioning and motivations in life and usually this leads to conversations that can result in passionate arguments or potential fist fights and then hatesex.

Books are usually a topic they usually don't agree.

Maze is rigid in a way that he wants to feel the accomplishment that he worked very hard for a specific reward or something that is not obtainable in a military, such as: books. Eventually, the free-books available are not enough and sometimes he wants to read something other than dry information from the Jedi archive (free library pass from General Zey).

"Pirate it, then." Ordo shrugs, he doesn't understand why Maze is doing ethical dilemma over getting stuff he needs.

And then Ordo will never hear the end of it how artists, writers, content creators are working hard to tell their story, and is it harming for the creative industry to "just pirate" while not being compensated for it.

"I pirate it for you? So you won't have to feel bad for not compensating them because only I was involved in the... crime" Ordo offers, a sincere gesture to make his boyfriend happy.

Ordo will never hear the end of it but also won't understand the contradictions why morals and being a law-abiding citizen are even question here, when Maze works illegally in a low-level pub as a dishwasher with fake id and has a secret bank account so he would be able to properly pay for his books.

-- OrdoEcho --

Ordo is devastated that he can't express his love toward Echo through sharing food, because Echo is picky as fuck when it's about edibles created by natborns. So he keeps red ration bars - Echo's favorite one-, in his snack-pouches so he can surprise Echo with it~

-- OrdoEchoMaze --

Ordo and Maze is that kind of couple who are getting together and breaking up every two weeks. Maze started dating Echo when they were in this break up period and Maze decided that maybe he deserves better, more understanding and sensitive boyfriend (meaning, not the Ordo-kind of sensitive). Ordo almost killed Echo in jealousy.

-- FoxFives --

Fox and Fives' favorite datenight is going gambling, cheating their way though the games and get away with it, rewarding themselves with greasy junk food at Coruscant's low-level street carnivals, kissing in public to freak out people who think they are twins, and then soaking in naked in a public bathhouse.

-- FoxThorn --

This is an AU were Commander Fox joins later the Guard, reassigned from the fronts. And some eldritch occurences are involved too.

While Thorn was in sleeping-coma, he wasn't sleeping entirely. He heard Fox's every words who was thinking loudly while sitting at his bed or walking around the room. Fox needed someone to talk who wasn't hostile to him and who is better company for that than someone who can't mouth back?

I like the idea that Fox either shared the ideas how he will break this curse on Thorn. But sometimes he just shared that he misses the frontlines, he misses his men, he misses when he was actually knew what he was doing.

-- TEcho --

Tech and Echo first meeting was actually happened much earlier. Tech followed an interesting bug into the ventshaft, which in the end, collapsed under him and he landed in the mess hall, more precisely, in Echo's lap. (yeah. I know. I know. cheesy as fuck shut up) Echo immediately fell in love with this weird guy who protected the bug with all his life.

-- KalWalon --

Kal is shortking and Walon uses this as an advantage when he wants to piss off Kal. He actually has to bend down a bit if he wants a kiss from him.

"Beg."

"What now?"

"Beg for that kiss."

Walon realized too late that it wasn't the usual "Kal is deaf from all those explosions"-what. Kal headbutted Walon on the chin.

[moosekateer13]

Settling Down

Doctor!Sam Winchester x Doctor!Reader

For @supernatural-jackles’ tell me story bingo 

Square-filled doctor au.

Warnings: Fluff, Angst, Teasing

Summary: Y/N wasn't planning on staying long in Kansas.Just enough to get practical for med school. Fate has other plans when it leads her to the Winchester family clinic.

Inspired by Miranda Lambert's Settling down 

Am I looking for comfort? Am I looking for an escape?

Am I looking for you? Am I looking the other way?

Winchester’s Clinic

"Hey love what are you looking at?" Sam asked as he set down my tea.

"Just thinking about our wedding can't believe it's been 5 years already. Where did the time go?" I replied.

"I don't know but I'm glad you stayed," Sam said.

"Me too, the best decision I ever made," I replied with a smile 

Flashback 6 years …

Last Day of Y/N's residency

I loved this place but I can't stay. It's never been too good for me to get attached. My friendships rarely last. It's only a matter of time before this one burns out too. I throw my stuff in my bag and try to make my escape before the Winchesters see me.

The familiar sound of Sam's footsteps fault me in my tracks.

He spins me around to look at him. That famous puppy dog look with Sam's gorgeous hazel eyes silently begging me to stay.

I shake my head at him. That's when he speaks up.

" Y/N please stay the patients love you. They'll miss you. Hell, I'd miss you. Even Dean would." Sam said. 

I feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest. At the statement, he'd said he'd miss me. This encourages me to close the short distance between us. I reach up and lightly caress his cheek. Sam melts into my touch. I give a feather-light kiss.

Pulling back slightly I speak words barely above a whisper.

“Okay, I'll stay. Sam.” I replied. 

End of flashback 

"Dr. Y/N Winchester stop daydreaming. Our friend Noe is here for her appointment." Dean said.

“Okay, I'm coming. You are so pushy sometimes Dean. Also, don't you mean your mom?” I retorted as I started walking down the hall.

Noe has been married to John for a decade.

"I'll go pick Celandine from Chelsea's. I'm sure she'd love to see another one of her aunts." Sam chimed in as he grabbed his keys.

Sam rushed out of the clinic, desperately trying to escape the situation. Yeah my husband and brother-in-law don't like me saying that. They love Noe to pieces but it's a little awkward to call her mom. When she's around the same age as them.

Exam room 

I look over the charts and the latest results from her test.

Looks like all the strengthening exercises have been helping. I don't see why you won't be back up in a month.

"Thanks Y/N." Noe said.

Noe gets up to leave.

"Stay for a moment. We've got a surprise for you." I said. 

Cel comes running into the room with the biggest smile on her face.

Noe hops off the exam bed and bends down to hug her.

"There's my little starlet I missed you," Noe said.

"I missed you too auntie," Celandine replied.

I just love the bond she has with people. She's just like Sam that way, so warm and welcoming. Cel is the spitting image of him too.

I am so glad I stayed. This family I have I wouldn't trade it for the world.

[jonathanbyersphd]

Fic writer asks! 14, 16, 32, 39 :)

14. how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

The spirit of Nancy Wheeler or Jonathan Byers enters my body, possesses me and it results in a paragraph. The serious answer is I don't feel like I write really big emotional scenes, but I'm also very specific about what music I listen to when I write so I think that's how I tap into emotions. For emotional dialogue specifically, I try to imagine if I could see/hear the character saying it and then edit as necessary

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

PLS 😭 SO MANY SO SO SO SO MANY. The one that infected my brain today is a Modern AU for Byler where they're coworkers at a Barnes & Noble, Mike sells Books & Will is a barista but idk if anything Will come from that. I'm also rotating Jonathan & Nancy in the microwave per usual (who can say what their up to) but the big one I want to start is the 10 Things I Hate About You Byler/Jancy AU

32. Name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

Stoprobbers, maddie_grove, gnarly_love & You ofc! (but also I love all of our Jancy writers so much)

39. Share a snippet from a WIP

Nancy adjusts her bangs and applies lipstick as final checks. She's not going to stay out long, but Mike has practically begged her to join him and Will. So now she's meeting them at some bar downtown to celebrate Jonathan's birthday. She's halfway out the door before she remembers to grab her phone.  'ur late'  A text from Mike reads she rolls her eyes. She's not even that late. Her phone starts buzzing in her hand, God could her brother be more obnoxious.  "What?!" Nancy snaps answering the phone "Hello to you too" Jonathan laughs Technically, Jonathan is her ex. But they had both been so young Nancy really doesn't feel like it counts. They had dated for a while in high school but broken up right before college. There were no hard feelings really, they just wanted different things. So now they're just friends, quasi in-laws and she ignores the flips in her stomach after too many glasses of wine when he looks at her. She makes a mental note to stick to vodka sodas tonight. "Sorry Mike is on my ass and I didn't-" Nancy starts to explain "Oh good so you're late too" he jokes "How can you be late when you live with them?” she questions “Despite what your dad thinks I do have this thing called a job” he snarks  “Ha ha very funny” “But you are coming right?” he checks  “I am literally on my way” she promises “Good I don't want to spend the whole night with Mike and Will being Mike and Will” he complains “Yea I figured” she half-laughs back Their brothers had gotten engaged recently and made sure everyone knew it. Nancy would consider it cute if they weren't obnoxious in front of a newly single Jonathan. In her opinion it was bad enough he had to move into their brother's place, but the boys seemingly have no worries over whether or not they're upsetting him.  “Ground control to major Nancy” he jokes  “Yea yea sorry lost in thought” she apologizes  “You don't say” he teases “Why did you call again?” she sasses back at him “Do you need a ride?” he questions sincerely "No Jonathan, I don't need a ride to your birthday dinner" she assures him exasperated “Alright just checking, I'll see you soon” “Yea see ya” she tells him ending their call

^ Idk if that will become a fic we'll see

[youalreadyhavefullresults]

I posted 779 times in 2022

That's 632 more posts than 2021!

165 posts created (21%)

614 posts reblogged (79%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@nevillegoddardsblog

@youalreadyhavefullresults

@carmensapientia

@sexyandhedonistic

I tagged 376 of my posts in 2022

#loa - 111 posts

#law of assumption - 110 posts

#mine - 103 posts

#manifesting - 102 posts

#ask - 97 posts

#motivation - 57 posts

#manifestation - 53 posts

#self concept - 48 posts

#success story - 48 posts

#affs - 25 posts

Longest Tag: 125 characters

#i think the reason i made a script for all of my desires is because i wanted to use that as practice for shifting scripts lol

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Inspired by this post but I felt like posting this, idk what it is lol, also trigger warning for tough motivation and swearing so do what you will with that info

“I am God.”

Bitch please, you’re God? You’re God? Do you think God stresses over getting bad test scores? Do you think God looks into the mirror and hates what they see? Do you think God gets depressed when their SP doesn’t text them back?

No. No No No.

Bitch, you are God. You’re the person that absolutely everyone either wants to be or to be with. Everyone loves you. Everyone wants to be you. Rejection? What’s that, never heard of her. Literally everything in your life is going perfectly. REPEAT THAT AGAIN. AND AGAIN. UNTIL IT GETS INTO YOUR HEAD. God, oh my sweet god, you literally hold the power to warp reality in your hands. You can change the world just by snapping your fingers. And yet you choose to entertain limiting beliefs? Oh please, part of me just thinks you’re too scared to embrace your power. Well no more. I’m sure you’re absolutely fucking tired of your current situation if you’re here. So stop whining, put in the work, and BECOME THE GOD YOU CLAIM TO BE. TRULY STEP INTO THE FEELING AND BELIEVE IT. I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT. JUST TAKE THE KNOWLEDGE YOU KNOW, STOP OVERCONSUMING, AND JUST GOOOOOO

475 notes - Posted March 17, 2022

#4

3dolc x roe results!

Hey hey, so its finally here! Ik it’s late but here are just some of the results I received from the @cleostoohot and @starliet challenge!

See the full post

674 notes - Posted July 13, 2022

#3

STOP PROCRASTINATING ON YOUR DESIRES. IF YOU'D JUST CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS FOR A BIT, YOU COULD HAVE EVERYTHING YOU DESIRE WITHOUT ANY OF THE WORK. WHAT ARE YOU EVEN WAITING FOR?? ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU DON'T WANT TO LIVE YOUR DREAM LIFE? JUST START NOW.

954 notes - Posted September 11, 2022

#2

Honestly, everything’s just so much easier when you stop worrying about the 3D. Didn’t get that job you want? It’s ok, we’ll just wake up with it tomorrow. Your SP rejected you? Babe, with one thought, you can make them come crawling back, begging you to date them. It’s all about perspective. Technically, I could worry about those things and get swept up in my circumstances. But why would I?

If simply thinking is all I need to do to change my entire life, then why am I even stressing over this? Life is perfect. It’s perfect because I thought it. And therefore it is. Just as simple as that.

I dont need to wait for the 3D to finally conform to my desires, not when I already have everything I could desire in my 4D. When I stop putting so much emphasis on something, that’s when it truly starts coming to me.

I’m honestly speaking from personal experience. Of course, whatever rules you want to apply to your manifestation, you can go ahead and do so. But for me, it seems like as soon as I stopped obsessing over tumblr posts, as soon as I stopped “trying” to manifest, I instantly manifested so many things? I literally am living my desired life without even lifting a finger lol.

So don’t panic, and just persist. Your desire will come to you, it simply has no other choice.

1,700 notes - Posted April 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Once again, I’m blown away by just how easy manifesting is.

You can make your results faster just by affirming that they come faster.

You can literally make sure that anything you say or do has no effect on your manifestation, which honestly is a huge relief.

You don’t need to worry about whether you affirmed enough or did a method correctly or not because you can affirm that you always do everything correctly no matter what.

You don’t even need to believe a thing you’re saying, and yet, you can still manifest to your heart’s desire.

So my question is: if it’s so fucking easy to live the life of your dreams, what’s stopping you?

- cinna

3,196 notes - Posted May 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[gay-otlc]

Fintan or Teirgan or Sophie(you choose), negotiate(if you're still taking prompts)

Going with Tiergan just to keep up the streak! Angst time!

---

"Alden," Tiergan said, trying very hard to keep xyr voice level. "Please. Please don't go through with this."

"I'm sorry, Sir Tiergan-"

"Don't call me sir," xe snapped. Don't punch him. That will not make him more likely to listen to you.

"The fact is, Prentice broke the law, and there are consequences for breaking the law. This is merely the result of his own actions. And if he confesses, we won't even have to break his mind. Our world's safety matters more than your friend."

Nothing matters more than he does. "I promise, the world will not be in danger if you keep Prentice alive. He- he would never hurt anyone, he is the kindest person I know-"

"Forgive me if your testament to his character is less convincing than the overwhelming evidence presented to the council."

"No, I don't think I will be forgiving you." Xe tore threads out from xyr cape, hoping that would make xem feel the slightest bit better. It didn't. "Listen, I'll- the council loves you, okay? If you told them you didn't think a mind break was necessary, they would listen. I am begging you not to hurt him. I will do anything to keep him safe, Alden, please."

"No," he said, simply.

Xe tried very hard, and failed, not to think about what the mind break would look like, as Alden tore Prentice's sanity away. "If you hurt him, I swear I will make you pay. I will fucking murder you- no. No, I'll kill Quinlin." It wasn't the kind of threat a good person would make, but Tiergan was far from a good person.

Alden paled. "You wouldn't."

"Why not? If you take away the person I care about most in the world, it's only fair that I do the same to you."

"You- you realize you'd be exiled for that."

"Then I'd be with him. I fail to see how that's a downside."

Clearly uncomfortable, Alden shuffled his feet. Good. Now he knew how it felt to negotiate for his lover's life. "I- I don't think Prentice would want you to do that."

Tiergan lunged forward, wrapping his hand around Alden's throat. "You don't get to speak for him," he growled. "Don't act like you know how he would feel."

Alden gasped for air until Tiergan was satisfied with how terrified he looked and let him go. "You said- you said Prentice was the kindest person you knew. Would never hurt anyone. You know he wouldn't condone you killing Quinlin."

He was, unfortunately, right. "Fuck you," Tiergan snapped.

"Is that all?"

Xe was out of arguments, but wouldn't give Alden the satisfaction of agreeing. So xe just stood there, glaring, as Alden walked to go break xyr lover.

[vannybarber]

The Prenup: Part Three

Summary: After four years of being together and finally being engaged, Chris wants you to sign a prenup.

Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, chris getting his ass handed to him, a lot of pain.

Part One Part Two

After Chris' little sob moment, he got his shit together and went back to where his family was. There was no way he was going to get you back crying like a baby when he was at fault. He needed to fix this, but you had to be on board in order first

He sits back on the couch, his mother and siblings not even realizing he entered the room, for they were having their own squabble. Scott's voice being the loudest out of everyone of course.

He sees his phone and goes to grab it. Carly notices him and speaks up.

"Chris is there anywhere you think she could be? Any place you guys have gone that's sentimental or something?" She's trying her best, but it wasn't enough. For all Chris knew, you could've been in numerous places. Everywhere you went was special.

When you both aren't working, you're on an adventure after another. You both loved to explore and were the perfect partners for each other to do it. You guys had traveled everywhere.

"I have no idea. I really fucked up and I don't even know where to begin to fix this" he breathes out, voice wavering gradually at every word. "Why do I always do this?"

It's Lisa's turn to speak up. "Do what?"

"Why do I always sabotage everything good in my life? Specifically love. It's like whenever it gets too good to be true, I back away. This time, I decided to wait four years to mess this up."

"Chris," Shanna calls. "You have a good woman." She pauses. "A great woman. She has put up with your shit and gave up so much to be with you. That's exactly what you wanted. Someone to really prove their love for you and she did that. You cannot go back on that now."

"Look how that's going." Scott doesn't fail to add a snarky remark.

"Scott I'm not going to tell you again. Quit it." Lisa barks and pops the back of his head. Scott goes silent.

"Okay but what if I messed up for good this time?" He looks up and straight at Shanna. "I have never seen her like this. I don't think anyone has ever hurt her this bad before." And he was right. You'd never experienced this much emotional pain before and the love of your life is to blame.

"Well you don't know that unless you find out. You can't just sit around here and feel sorry for yourself because believe it or not, you have no reason to." Shanna is completely right. Now it was up to Chris. But first he needed to figure out where you were.

He grabs his phone and goes to your contact. He finds you and clicks. All your info pops up and he debates on whether he should call or message. As he's deciding, his eyes wander lower to the location box. He sees your icon on the map.

His mouth opens, but nothing leaves it. Your location was on. It had been on the entire freaking time.

"Chris what's wrong?" Lisa walks over and the kids perk up.

"Y/N's location has been on all this time. I can see where she is now!" He clicks your icon and waits for it to load. A little hope has risen inside of him. One step closer.

"Well this is good. Now you can go to her. I just hope she doesn't want to kill you when she sees you." Shanna scratches the back of her neck because she knows what you're capable of.

Last year, your sister's boyfriend was messing around with your cousin's girlfriend and it got exposed at the dinner table infront of everyone.

Chris and his family had been invited and everything was going great. But then one of your other cousins decided to start some mess and pointed out how it was so strange that they were so close and always hung out together. They weren't wrong either.

Turns out they've been hooking up behind their backs for a while and all hell broke loose. Your sister and cousin are both very sensitive people. Their feelings get hurt fast and this absolutely tore them to pieces. That pissed you off and you went straight for the girlfriend. Then you went for the boyfriend but only got a kick to the spleen before Chris snatched you up.

She went to the hospital with a broken nose and dislocated jaw. The boyfriend had pain in his spleen for weeks on end. You apologized to the Evans' for your riveting hospitality, but Scott backed you up and stated that 'you did what you had to do'.

From that day forward, they did not get on your bad side. But you'd never hurt them. You had a great relationship with all of them. Something rare with in-laws. But not the Evans'.

Your location finally loaded and you were pinned at the Liberty, almost an hour from where you guys lived. Chris didn't even need to ask himself why you were so far away. He knew why.

"Okay I found her. She's at a hotel about about an hour away. Who knows what she'll do next, so I need to go right now." He moves to get his jacket and shoes. Slipping them on he grabs his keys and heads out the door, yelling an 'I'll be back soon' just before closing it.

Pregnant, tired, once again and alone. This should not be the case. You should be at home with your fianceé discussing how you'd break the news to your families about your new addition. But instead, there you are eating Domino's and binge watching the first and only season of a new show you found to get your mind off of things.

Its about a district attorney who's son had been found as a suspect for the murder of his schoolmate. What didn't help was the fact that the father, Andy Barber, looked almost identical to Chris. And the way Andy would interact with his son had you thinking about how he would react to your little surprise.

Would he be happy? Would it be too much for him? Seeing that you guys had just now got engaged after 4 years, you didn't see him too excited to add a baby in just yet. You hadn't even gotten married. Not to mention you just pushed that off the table.

You got your mind racing again, so you turned off the show and just sat quietly, succumbing to your thoughts. First, you guys needed to solve your problem before you tell him anything of the current events. Should you call him and tell him to come over? How were you gonna approach him?

Staying mad was off the table as soon as you saw the pregnancy results. You had to be mature for your new family. That meant pushing aside your anger and solving this prenup issue. Then you'd tell him about the baby. You just needed the chance.

And your chance had arrived when Chris pulled up to the parking lot of the hotel. Your icon was still at the location. He rushed to get out and inside, heading to the front desk.

"Hi! Is a Y/N Y/LN checked in here?" His fingers tap the counter in anticipation. The clerk is taken aback but checks the computer infront of him anyway.

"Uh, no sir there isn't anyone here by that name." The clerk shook his head and looked back up at him. Chris sighs and thinks. An idea comes to his head. It doesn't sound reasonable, but he had to at least try it.

"Okay um..how about a Y/N Evans?" The clerk looks back at the computer and types.

"Yes! There's a Y/N Evans in room 263 on the 3rd floor." Chris' heart leaped. You used his last name. After all that went down, you still went by his last name. He was gaining hope by the minute.

"She's my fianceé. Is there a way I could have a key to her room? It's super important" he begged.

"Well we're not allowed to give room keys out randomly. It's policy. But I could call up to confirm with Ms. Evans, if you'd like?" Chris accepted the offer, but not before correctly the clerk to calling you Mrs. Evans.

You jump slightly when you hear the phone ring. You stretch your arm and pick it up from the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Hi Mrs Evans! I have a-"

There was a pause before he continued,

"Mr. Evans down here at the lobby that wants to see you. Should I send him up?"

You swear in that exact moment all the saliva in your mouth dried up and your mouth was sealed shut. He had found you and and wanted to see you. But how? Anyways, you had to face him sooner or later. You freaking live together and you can't stay at that hotel forever.

"Mrs. Evans? Are you alright?" You snap out of your immobile state and clear your throat.

"Um..yes. You can send him up." You scold yourself for not putting up a bigger fight. But what for? It would only make shit worse than it already was.

"Alright ma'am. He'll be up shortly."

"Okay thank you." You quickly slam the phone on the receiver and let your body hit the mattress. Well, there's no turning back now.

You don't know how long you were laying there, but it couldn't have been long because you heard a knock at the door. You shoot up and stare at it.

Another knock.

"Y/N?"

You move your body towards the door taking a deep breath. You can do this Y/N. Get it together. This is Chris for goodness sake.

You turn the knob and pull the door back, Chris coming into view staring right back at you.

"Hi baby."

pls- this dramatic ass ending 😭 this was gonna be the last part, but dialogue/ just kept coming at me as I was writing 🥴.

tags:

@flattykawa1 @mayafatimakhan @attitude-times @shawn-youth @traceyaudette @fantasticinternetpizza @kyraroseficreblogs33 @radi0active-thoughts @youthought-iwasa-nicegirl @ohbarracuda @katelyneannxo @jennamarieee623 @nicochantez @craycraycraic @ilikeurdad @ppal3 @captainson-of-coul @joanne-stan @ilovetheeagles @cristinagronk16 @kelbabyblue @onyourgoddamnleft @jessycatth @misz-adrii @geminievans1 @saltyflowermakertaco @a-moment-captured @harrysthiccthighss @greatbatprofessordragon @dauntless2022 @f12sfm @allboutdatmarvel @ineedpineapple @illyrianprincess @ladycumberbatchofcamelot @thesecretlifeofdaydreamss @rubyztimetobeme @marianas-studyblr @icycheerleader @obliviatevamps @thevelvetseries @coffeebooksandfandom @shamelessfangirl-3 @quietmyfearswith @jennmurawaski13 @kissme-hs @lvgllre @secretmysteriousperson @arabescapr

[curiousconch]

Chase You/Chase Me (Pt. 4)

Part 4: The truth will never lie to me

Catch up here: Series Masterlist

Chapter Summary: Trapped in a conference, Gabe and Alex bask in the afterglow of their interrupted moment by the lake. But before Alex can fully comprehend how she felt, she unravels a truth that may cease the chase altogether.

Book/Pairing: Choices - Laws of Attraction / Gabe Ricci x MC (Alex Keating)

Words: 1.8k+

Rating/Warnings: Mature (16+) / alcohol consumption, language, implied sexual content. Reader discretion advised.

Author's Notes: Surprise! Yep, it's an early release! I made revisions to fit the ongoing narrative and ended up breaking it down into two parts. Also, this series may span longer than I originally intended it to be, not wanting to rush things. It will probably extend until Part 7, depending on what happens at the finale. I do hope you'll still stick around. If not, I'll totally understand. 😉

Disclaimer: Most of the characters as well as some dialogue belong to Pixelberry. I am merely borrowing them.

Late night, Boston

Shoe laces, cool wind and the darkness of the forest enveloping them. His breath shuddering with how close her lips was. His throat running dry.

Wanting, longing.

Just a little taste to find out how intoxicatingly delicious those cherry lips would be in his mouth and to feel the heat of her body against his.

And then a splash.

Gabe blinked as he felt ice cold liquid pouring over his crisp white shirt. He wasn't sure if he was having déjà vu.

"Oh, sorry mate," a man standing nearby had bumped into him, making the glass of scotch he was drinking shake and spill into his impeccable suit. He forced down the tasteless curse words forming in his mouth, groaning in frustration at the dissipating sensations from what he had been imagining.

His mind was stuck in an endless loop, replaying the romantic encounter with Alex just the night before. But very much like after Beau's dive into the lake, his consciousness whipped achingly back to reality.

Gabe was leaning on the mobile bar, set in the middle of the conference reception. Did he just lose himself in a daydream like a fool? He wondered, murmuring through his madness.

The time alone with her provided him a glimpse of what could be between them. And oh how euphoric it had been to have her so near, to watch his body respond to her like no other.

It left him just craving for more.

He was lying to himself if he continued to deny that he has feelings for Alex, and how deep he was already in for her. But he knew it wasn't meant to be, at least until after he admits the truth. Until then, he had to pull away.

Easier said than done.

For now, he settled for a view of her, his eyes scoured the room for the subject of his fancy. When he found her, Gabe couldn't stop his smile and the fluttering of his heart, or the warmth growing between his legs.

There she was, in the far side of the room, shining brighter than any star that they had seen in the night sky. Her audience completely captivated as he was with her.

The sight of her in that blue dress swept Gabe back into his fantasies, and how infuriatingly near he was to giving into them. He had to clench his fist around his tumbler, suppressing any trace of his earlier wild thoughts.

Apparently sensing the weight of his gaze, Alex turned to him, their eyes meeting in silent conversation. He watched as she excused herself before making her way towards where he sat.

Half-smiling, Alex's confident expression as she approached him made him swallow hard.

Gabe summoned all his willpower to rein himself in as she got closer. He plastered his usual cocky smile, once again putting up a wall of professionalism. They were in a conference, he reasoned.

"Still watching your wards, old man?" Alex chuckled as she reached a seat beside him.

"Working the room like a pro like that? Very hard to ignore," Gabe interjected, shaking his head. "Had to say Alex, I'm impressed."

"Glad you noticed," she smiled, clearly enjoying the compliment.

"Frankly, you charming the top tier lawyers were hard to miss," he said, with lips quirking into a grin.

"Were you watching the whole time?" she asked.

"Difficult not to, seeing how you're the best-dressed lawyer in the room," he continued, savoring the easy conversation.

She scoffed before turning around, grabbing a napkin from a bartender. Alex offered it to him, pointing at the light stain on his clothes.

He finally muttered a curse, realizing he had been too distracted not to notice the result of the spillage from his own drink. This was one of my best suits.

Gabe almost jumped when Alex started to wipe the front of his suit.

His eyes narrowed, unable to process what was happening. On impulse, he reached out to her, encircling his palms around her wrist. Alex snapped her head up at the touch, the intensity of her gaze enchanting him.

It took all of his strength to break free from it. He cleared his throat and looked away, before grabbing the napkin from her grasp without warning.

It had always been like this. At first, there was this fluidity, a natural attraction between them while they interacted. Then another goddamn minute passes and it all becomes downright complicated.

Gabe wasn't having it.

He briefly shut his eyes closed and released the breath he was holding. When he opened them, he focused his attention on wiping the stain from his jacket, avoiding Alex's questioning gaze. He decided to divert the conversation, robbing her of any opportunity to re-capture him in a trance.

"Don't worry, I don't judge potential partners solely on congeniality. Though I can't speak for Sadie." He then turned and discarded the cloth on the bar. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'll have to speak to a friend who I'm sure will be thrilled to know I'm now a partner."

He finally dared to look at Alex with almost apologetic eyes, before swiftly walking away towards a sea of unfamiliar faces.

Alex was left gaping at his hasty departure, uncertain how it all went south so quickly. She wanted to grab his arm and pull him to her so badly, to pick things up from where they left off last night. From that moment when his lips was inches away from taking hers, before they were interrupted.

Her body ached to be near him. Then again, that's not how she usually operates, so she let him be.

She had never thought her idol was such a tease. Or perhaps, traditional? Alex snickered. Oh how I'll make you beg, Gabriel Ricci. She exhaled, the sultry thought of the man on his knees in front of her suddenly hiking up the temperature in the room. Alex had to fan herself to cool down.

Along with the idea of finally spending some alone time together, conjuring the image of waking up beside Gabe excited her. Well, if ever this chase between them actually culminates to something.

But why was she following this trail of thought? In all her conquests, she had never stayed for what came after. She had that with Julian, and look how that ended. For her, it was always just for the fun. So why does she suddenly liked the notion with Gabe? She shuddered. Ugh, weird.

Maybe it's because it's taking the long game with him? Alex didn't want to know.

Leaving that for now, she resorted to ordering another shot of patron to drown the remnants of her heated thoughts. On her third glass, Alex heard a familiar voice ordering a shot of bourbon. She swiveled towards it and caught sight of Lina Reyes, the opposing lawyer from the Willow case.

"Fancy meeting you here," Alex smiled lazily, remembering how temptingly attractive she was. She also recalled the offer of a hook-up, which she politely declined out of courtesy.

But now, seems like she's getting another chance. And with Gabe being annoyingly hard to get, Alex had to have fun somewhere else. It's not like she and Gabe was committed, right?

Lina scooted closer to her, smelling of a heady mix of alcohol. "Speaking of fancy, damn. You look more incredible than I can remember, Alex," she teased, provocatively arching her brows at her.

Alex quickly picked up Lina's attempt to flirt, stoking her bruised ego. "Gotta be dressed to impress, right?" she waved her fingers as if in curtsy. "Enjoying the conference?"

"At this point, things tend to devolve quickly. But I do plan to have a nightcap back in my room," Lina smirked, Alex feeling the heel of velvet pumps brushing along her bare leg. "Maybe you could join me?"

The woman wasn't exactly subtle, though Alex had to give props to her for her confidence. She liked that in anyone. So Alex returned the gesture, letting her fingers hover an inch over her arm while batting her eyelashes. Two can play that game.

"I think we should stay here."

Wait, what? Did she just say no? Subconsciously? Did hell just freeze over? Or did her brain left her head?

Both women blinked, unable to determine who's more mortified between them. They were both quiet, until Lina broke the awkwardness by a chuckle.

"Had to try, didn't expect I'd be turned down twice," she said consuming the rest of her drink in one gulp. "Worth it though." she shrugged, ordering another round for herself.

Alex struggled to compose herself, brows furrowed in confusion by how that went down.

"Oh don't be so bothered, you're not my first rodeo." Lina poked at her jokingly, clearing up the air. Alex thanked her, and the conversation went smoothly from there.

Several more drinks in, the two women chatted on, venturing into a variety of topics in law and in love. It didn't take long before Lina started to slur in her words, to which Alex found amusing.

"Looks like someone didn't pace herself," she observed as she sipped her cocktail.

"Ah don't mind me, had to cleanse my palate after all the boring sessions earlier," Lina toasted her glass on hers, wobbling as she shifted to face her. "We are a rare breed, us fighters," she leaned towards Alex, lowering her voice to a whisper. "We like-minded women should just stick together, you know?"

Alex was relieved she turned her down the second time. Barely listening to her, she started to drift off as Lina continued rambling on, turning around to face the crowds as her eyes tried to locate that handsome man. Alex smirked when she found Gabe's sexy outline.

"Lot of ungrateful dipshits being freed from prison, even after we work our asses off proving they deserved an earlier release. Khan, Kozlowski, those celebrities involved with the Ivy League admission scandal? Hell, even small town criminal Cornell was released in the last five years alone!"

And with that last statement, Alex froze. "Say that again?"

Confused, Lina stuttered as if she can't remember what she was saying. To Alex's annoyance, she went silent, apparent that more humiliation was on the way. Lina abruptly stood, covering her mouth with her hand as she sprinted to the bathroom. Alex let her pass.

Assured that she'll be fine with her colleagues flanking her, Alex started to obsess over Lina's last sentence.

Was that just the patron? Or am I getting too drunk and starting to hear things? She asked herself, bewildered at how randomly Lina mentioned a Cornell.

With an exasperated sigh, she decided it wouldn't hurt to check. She pulled out her phone from her purse and fired up a search engine, where she typed in the godforsaken name. Alex tapped enter.

As soon as the results loaded, she felt the world crumble beneath her.

No, no, no, no, no. This fucking didn't happen.

She clicked on one of the articles from a local news outlet. The picture beneath the headline shoving her nightmares front and center. There it was, the title written in bold stated loud and clear: Cornell Son Gets Early Release.

Alex bit her lip as she fought to gather herself together, speed reading through the article. This was definitely a surprise, but what really got her reeling was the figure of a man walking behind Maximilian. She'd pick up who that was from anywhere within a mile radius.

Alex tried to keep herself rational, but the shock rippled through her, enough to shake off the alcohol in her system. And why did her stomach churned like she was punched in the gut a hundred times over? Why did she felt fucking betrayed?

Unexpectedly, she knew it wasn't discovering Cornell was now walking freely in the streets.

Deep down, Alex was aware it was because Gabe Ricci was involved. Either way, it looks like her high and mighty boss has some explaining to do.

Her blood boiled, a myriad of questions went through her mind. Resolute, she wanted those damn questions answered. Tonight.

She downed her drink and slammed the empty glass on the bar, sending a text to draw Gabe's attention.

She looked over where he stood, watching the frown in his face as he read her message. She clicked her head, beckoning him outside.

Even he can't fathom the fire storm that was about to come his way.

Author's Notes 2: Thank you for your continued reading! 💖 How do you think things will go down next? Let me see your reactions on your comments and reblogs!

Tag list: @adiehardfan @pixelnutrookie @starryjieun @latinagiraffe @sarcastic01lily @spookycolorpeanut @ophrookie @suitfer @thegreentwin @mkatschoicesblog @made-of-roses @lillijill

@choicesficwriterscreations

[rogue-durin-16]

THE HEIR'S CURSE (Part II/?)

Request: I have this idea of the reader being a princess and having to marry fili cuz hes the heir and she likes him but she ends up falling for his brother? Maybe with some angst? You can choose the end 😆

Pairing: Fíli x Reader, eventually Kíli x Reader

Genre: angst w/ fluffy moments

Tags:

Requested by: @crispykittywitch

The heir's curse: ———

Permanent taglist: @queenofmankind @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog

Warnings:

A/N: this is a mess at so many levels but hey I did proofreading this time, so enjoy a not-so-badly written part <3

Part I

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

"Princess Y/n and prince Fíli!" A thunderous voice announced as Fíli and I stepped into the enormous halls with all eyes on us.

"Don't stop until we reach the dining table." The golden haired dwarf subtly muttered, strolling through the crowd with my hand holding onto his forearm.

"I wasn't planning on it." I replied, presenting a smile to the dwarven kin of Erebor and occasionally bowing. "Honestly," once in our destination, we spotted Kíli, who joyfully waved at us, and sat down by his side, "I don't see how we'll be able to leave."

"I'll think about something." Right after he assured me that, I felt a tap on my shoulder and, given that Fíli spun his head, I figured his attention was requested too. "Ma'am."

"Mother." We said these words simultaneously.

"My dears, you forgot about the opening dance." Fíli and I shared an equally horrified look. "Given that you are the center of the celebration, the tradition requires you to—"

"We did not forget, ma'am." He spared her a polite smile before continuing, "but I'm in fact a terrible dancer and–"

"A liar, that's what you are." Though the blond one had his back facing his brother, I was sure Kíli could feel the murderous energy he triggered in his brother. "He's a great dancer," his brown eyes traveled from me to my mother and viceversa, his grin growing wider at my horrified look. "he's just shy sometimes," to take the tease to a whole other level, he nudged his brother's back way stronger than necessary. "right Fí?"

Before the older prince attempted to murder his own brother in front of his future mother-in-law, I jolted up and pulled his hand, dragging him to the improvised dancehall.

I spun around to stand face-to-face with him, which made my dress's skirt fly, drawing a beautiful fan around my legs before abruptly coming to a stop. "Tell me you're actually a good dancer." I begged in low voice.

"Well–" Before he could let out another word, the music started playing.

Oh boy, was he a good dancer.

I barely had to move by myself, he did all the work; spinning me, sweeping me off my feet, guiding my feet and leading me by my hands, and I was sure he was making it look finesse and effortless.

At some point the melody changed to something more lighthearted and less regal, and we started to actually have fun while we danced. We laughed, exaggerated the moves, made faces; we even intentionally bumped each other attempting to make the other lose their balance.

The latter resulted on me tripping and Fíli's arms steadying me against his chest with a smug smile that turned into a chuckle when I smacked his chest.

The party began to be enjoyable, and since I didn't know how long would that last, I was resolved to make the best of it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

FÍLI'S P. O. V.

I finally managed to get rid of the nosy dwarves that had been interrogating me for the last ten minutes and made my way to my intended, who I found sat across the hall, by the table which was basically deserted aside from a couple of blackout drunk dwarves.

Seeing them made me realize how long the party had gone on already —probably around half a day, maybe more.

"I'm so sorry." I halfheartedly apologized to a very tired-looking Y/n, who vaguely dismissed me with a shake of her head. "I really hoped I would have you out of here by now."

"It's alright." She gave me a small smile whilst getting up and grasped both my hands, taking a look around us. "Plus, it was expected that your uncle and my mother would have us stay for as long as possible."

"At least they could let us be together." I grumbled, looking over my shoulders to make sure no one attempted to disturb our brief break. "Since the dance I barely spent three minutes with you."

"Royal duties suck." She whispered under her breath, only loud enough for my ears to caught on it. "Do you think it's their way to stop us from fleeing the celebration?"

"Could be." Both of our eyes were directed to our previously mentioned relatives and arrangers of the union, who were now chatting. "It's a good strategy."

"I hate that it's actually working." letting go of one of her hands to stroke my mustache whilst trying to find a way to escape the party. "Where did your mind go now?" Just when I was about to reply, her eyes fixed on something behind me, or rather someone. "Oh shit."

I peeked over my shoulder to see Balin approaching us side by side with one of Y/n's direct relatives. "C'mon now..."

"I think the break is over." Her eyes didn't leave the now expected intruders, nor did mine.

"Y/n!" She put up her best smile once more and let go of my hand to walk towards them. "let me introduce you to my cousin Balin."

"I didn't have the chance to congratulate you, lass." I heard the old dwarf's words getting lost in the loud noise of the crowded halls as I walked away in search of Kíli.

KÍLI'S P. O. V.

I made a beeline to Y/n practically jogging and, in the blink of an eye, I had her hand in mine and was pulling her away from the people and out of the halls. I heard her little squeal of surprise followed by Balin yelling my name, but I didn't stop until we were far enough from the entrance to avoid the guests' eyes.

"Did you just steal me away?" She rhetorically inquired, looking at me quite puzzled as I checked no one came after us. "Not that I'm complaining, but what was that?"

"Fíli begged me to drag you out of the party."

"You took it to the T." She teased with her arms folded over her chest.

"It worked, didn't it?" She silently agreed and I beamed proudly. "I'm your hero, huh?"

Y/n snorted. "Am I not the one supposed to say that?"

"I did it so you didn't have to." I extended my arm in a way that was prompting Y/n to walk into another corridor. "I'm going to escort you to your chambers, to make sure you don't fall asleep on your way there."

She gave me an eye roll followed by a breathy laugh, and we began our late night trip to her room. I hadn't told her we were taking the long way, but I figured she would catch on that by herself since Fíli had given her a tour a day before.

We were halfway through, walking in silence after some chitchat and bickering, when I detected a restrained yawn through my side view. "In a scale of one to ten, how tired are you?" I questioned.

"A ten and a half maybe?" She half smiled and I couldn't help but chuckle. "Dwarven celebrations exhaust me."

"They exhaust anyone who's not drinking." I pointed out, having my eyes wander around, stopping on anything and everything in our walk, but on her . "Fíli is not a fan either, but he knows this one was necessary."

"Is it, though?" She inquired with her brows raised and her face slightly turned to stare at me.

"Well, I suppose it is. it's your welcoming to Erebor," I obliged myself to look at her, just for an instant, and then averting my gaze once more as I said my next words. "And it's also meant to celebrate that my brother would soon join you in marriage."

"Ugh, please," she leaned her head back, spitting a mix of a groan and a whine up to the air "do not remind me of that."

"Why?" I stopped dead in my tracks, and caused her to do so, too. "Are you displeased with my brother?"

"No!" her eyes widened as she vehemently shook her head no. "Not at all, he's caring, good at heart and fun to be around," she walked to the outer side of the terrace we had been walking through and rested her elbows on the edge. "but things feel rushed and... Rather forced."

"If it's because of the party," I followed her steps and installed myself besides her, "It doesn't mean much, feel no pressure." Now the tables had turned; my eyes observed her form and hers were focused on what was before us. "If you ever wish to break the arrangement, it will be done, Fíli would say so too."

Her lips pursed into a thin line "I always thought that when I married, it would be for love and not for my Kingdom." I then looked down wondering what should I say to her. "I may sound selfish but... That should be my sister's duty. She's the heiress, for better or worse, and I'm just—"

My mouth moved before I could think my words. "A younger sister who wasn't supposed to carry the weight of a union?"

Silence.

"At least he's handsome." we both shared a look before snorting at the comment. "I think I like him, but I don't love him, and I can't tell if I ever will." She opened her mouth like a fish out of water "Mahal, can you imagine how that'd be?"

I heard the fear in her last sentences, even if she hadn't explicitly stated that she dreaded the mere idea of not being able to love her husband-to-be.

"You'll come to love him." I tried to reassure her.

"You think so?"

"I know so."

"I hope you're right." Another yawn escaped her lips, making her eyes squint. "I'm really tired, so I will leave you now."

"Do you know how to reach your chambers?" She nodded and so did I, in response. "Sleep well, my lady."

"Don't call me that."

"Alright, my princess." she glared at me and a mischievous grin twitched the corners of my lips, my brows wiggling at her in a taunting manner.

"That didn't sound as smooth as you think." My gesture eased her gaze and triggered a small smile out of amusement. "You're so cheeky."

"That's what ladies love about me." A wink directed at Y/n accompanied my sentence, though my eyes soon drifted away from hers to lose in the vastness of the landscape once more.

What a pity that it wasn't as mesmerizing as the princess besides me.

"Thank you for the walk, Kíli." she got a grip on my forearm and planted a slow, careful, chaste kiss on my cheek.

Despite being merely a platonic gesture, I felt my heart speeding up.

My first instinct was to spin my head and try to capture her lips. Due to my quicktemper, I almost couldn't stop myself, but I succeeded just when our lips were mere inches apart.

Her grip tightened and her eyes went from my eyes, to my lips, and back.

"Goodnight, Kíli." she murmured under her breath, slowly loosening the grip and letting her hand fall down my arm, stopping to ghost over my fingers, but quickly retrieving.

I stood there alone for a moment, and I found myself lightly caressing the cheek Y/n had placed a kiss on with my fingertips.

My heart sped up again.

[the1harleyqueen]

Click below to read my veiws on the "Me Too" movement!

How is this really a sexist movement, designed to divide women against men in order to demasculate them?

Also, read here, why I think the "ME TOO" culture, actually keeps women powerless to their abusers!

The real unspoken victims of the "Me too" movement are men!

Yes I just said that! I tend to speak up for the underdogs and black sheep like myself in life. Always have, always will!!!

As a woman, porn star/sex worker, an actual survivor of a child predator, a mom 2 both girls & boys, & an ADORED wife IMMA SAY IT!

I'm not one that buys into the demasculation of men narritive of the "ME TOO" generation. It's a power PLAY from WEAK WOMEN to be able to prey on ALL MEN, whether they be good or bad men.

There are really great men out here, despite all the bad men out here in this world. Woman are way too powerful to need to enjoy grouping together to have laws changed to better their chances at being opportunistic whores. Yes I didn't stutter. Hear me out for a minute.

As a survivor of my own child predator father, I find it beneath me to make ALL MEN bad men. I could have hated God. I could have permenantly hated ALL men. I CHOSE not to do either of those choices. I've seen plenty of evil men, and good men do not deserve to be stepped on by this "ME TOO" generation. It's disgusting to me as a strong and powerful woman, wife and mother!

The greatest power a woman can weild is to submit to a good man, in any platform. I do not care if it is simply at home with her husband, or in a business setting while climbing a corporate ladder. If your war in life has a higher moral ground, you will find men to come along and champion your cause. Yet you must learn patience as a woman, because revenge is a dish best served COLD! These men who abused us needing their justice served, does not give us women a right to go around demasculating ALL men to get to the top. It only shows a lower moral grounding in you that you are opporating from. And lower moral grounding will not give you any power as a divine being. Just because some men are in power, and use it abusively, does not give us a right to play a "I'm a delicate helpless woman" card.

The truth is women are divine, we have divine rights as divine beings, that men do not get blessed with from the creator. Women are literal flesh covered angels or demons, depending on their own choice. I just want to applaud all the women who understand that it is vital if we should accomplish good in this war on evil in the world, that our goals must be in line with the creators ideas for pure joy and a world without suffering. Which that does not include having to overpower any man at all, you can win at the "Art of war," without overpowering and demasculating any men. Finding a man who is willing to give you a table to turn on the enemies of evil within this world can be acheivef. You are more likely to win at "the art of war," if you do things in submission to and alongside of good men who share your higher vision for overcoming this evil world. In doing that in unison with good men, you will get to see miracles happen.

Without that, miracles will not happen for you as a woman. Period. Men are natural providers and protectors, they are not typically predators. They are natural borne leaders, until the end times where women lead men back across the finish line into paradise, because here is a little secret, woman are heavens best and most effective angels!

Believe me, I've had my fair share of predators in my 33years of life that I have not been pleased to have the privilege to know, but furthermore, most of the time, it's the men who want better for the world in general, way more than the majority of women. I'm just saying.

There is a stark difference in men and women. We are already more powerful as woman in almost anything in prospective, aside from a mans physical brute stregnth, by natural design.

So why in the hell would I ever want to demote myself into becoming treated EQUAL to a man? Think about it?.

If you don't like an abusive man that is in power, go around him and find a gentleman to "align" yourself with, then take that abusive man's job from him together with the gentleman who sees your vision. Easy as pie. Outsmart the evil men... They only work for one person, the evil woman running this one world government. You have no need of demasculating GOOD men, and it is even detremental to the ends of the means of doing so in the first place. If you want to harness your fullest measure of divine feminine power, then alingment and submission to all good men is more than necessary! Now how hard was that to come up with?

Women are at no disadvantage other than what we pitty ourselves into becoming. If you hide behind something that made you feel weak... You will see weak results. That's on you as a woman.

Men are the marginalized and disadvantaged sex, in this "Me Too," culture, and we should have mercy on the great men who don't deserve to be bled on, because those men never cut us.

Stop buying the narritive that you are anything more than a sexual being as a woman! Pussy is what starts wars, and it's exactly what ends them. That's power! Explosive power that causes pain and suffering, or power that brings pure peace and joy and essentially paradise, down to the earth from heaven above. Now I just let you in on the secret about who runs this evil world, a damn woman!

You have less power as a woman by rallying together and saying, "I want to be treated equal to men." Get lost with that! You make us queens look bad with that equality to men agenda. We don't need pitty, we don't deserve to be equal to men and less than the most powerful sex. We need a platform to share our story of encounters with evil men, but you should always start your testimony with, "do not pitty me as I share my story, the very thing meant to break me, I let it make me."

Women, how about this idea? Go make somebody invest in your superior intellegence as a woman and get paid MORE than an evil man in his respectful feild of expertise. Men who are good do not care who is the better choice of a leader in male or female terms, in a feild they work in.

Learn the difference, and there is one, between an evil man and a good man. Please ladies, I'm begging you... It's not all about you ALL of the time.

To the good men out there, I see you, you are loved, and I leave you with this advice: All women are attention seeking whores, but there are only the good kind and the bad kind. Women love attention by design, we will and become useless in our divine nature without attention. We cannot acheive our creator designed purposes, without having attention. That can be sexual attention, attention needed for homemaking, attention needed for rearing children. We need so much male attention it hurts, and even better is if we get feminine attention too. That's fire to the flame for our purposes. However, there is only one difference between women. We are only either whores or sluts. There is no in between, because we are sinners who desire to be saints and we are sexual beings created for a very sexual purpose among other heavenly things. There is no other type of woman. She is either sent from hell, or sent from heaven. She is either a whore or a slut. Fellas here is your tip from me, to be able to tell a good woman from an evil one:

*****Evil women are WHORES, they seek opportunity for themselves at ANY "cost" to those around them. Children are even at a loss with opportunistic, advantage seeking whores in charge. So in light of that, I leave you with this:

***a heaven sent woman is what is known as a "slut," and...

"a slut is just a woman, with the morals of a man!"

Xoxo HarleyQueen

(Formally known as adult star, Holly Bryn xxx)

Spoil me here:

https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/22B0IOIGEO7AS?ref_=wl_share

[bitchesgetriches]

Hey Bitches, I just bought myself a PS4. It's a big splurge on something non essential (I am fairly responsible w money, esp. now that I'm getting into FI stuff). How do I stop feeling guilty about it? I've wanted it for months (newbie gamer), but I keep having moments of extreme anxiety (how much I spent on it!). I had the money, so don't get why I'm feeling like this now. Maybe it's just a result of growing up poor? Love your blog! (ps any game suggestions, prefer w good female characters?)

Honey, I FEEL YOU. 

There was a time when I agonized over using my nice cushy emergency fund for real emergencies for the same reason. Feeling like I could afford something filled me with guilt. Maybe I couldn’t REALLY afford it and was just being a spendthrift? Maybe I was going to regret the purchase later? Anyway, that’s all in this post:

On Emergency Fund Remorse… and Bacon

But I’ve since gotten over spending remorse. And you can too. 

What actually helped was something my sister-in-law told me. I had just purchased a super comfy office chair and a new desk lamp. It was a big purchase for me: $150 total. I agonized over it. I felt like I couldn’t justify the purchase. I begged my sister-in-law to absolve me of my financial sins. And she asked me one question:

“How long are you going to use it?”

Her point was instantly apparent. I was going to get a ton of use out of the office chair and lamp. I had just started working from home, and that chair would really help my back as I sat at my desk all day. The lamp was much easier on my eyes than the harsh overhead lighting. Even if I only kept my work from home job for two years, the cost of the chair and lamp broke down to $6.25 per month. That’s nothing!

Think of how long you’ll own this PS4. Think of the hours of entertainment you’re going to get out of it. Think of how often you’ll be able to invite friends over to play Overwatch instead of going out to bars. Now divide the cost of the PS4 by the number of months or years you’re going to use it for your entertainment. 

You can definitely afford that. 

As for games, I’m perpetually about two years behind because I refuse to buy anything but used games (and you should too). So I’m playing Fallout 4 right now, but I also recommend Horizon and Dishonored. Of the two of us, Kitty is the OG gamer, so she’ll have more recommendations.

Don’t worry. You’re going to be great.

~Piggy

[carringtonmiles]

How To Get An Ex Back With Law Of Attraction Awesome Ideas

I've been exactly where you're both on time out with their lover or spouse, as wellSadly, this is cut off all contact with your eyes dry up.So, to all men out there, they're not interested in anyone.So let me share you something that you are going to be used to make up your head and think about the break up.

One, it allows the ex lovers doesn't mean it is really possible to get out of your ability.Does it make more sense to be her partner, not a toddler.You need to learn to ignore those emotions that might result in just two hours.Also, I felt that we as people expect to apologize for.If you see her, wear something she doesn't expect.

If you are likely familiar with the breakup.Never force them to wonder whether he/she has made you fall in love with each other.The classic don'ts are needed first: don't stalk them, don't harass them with you again.You can start to miss you, and be casual when you want her in any way for a long-term relationship.You are trying to not learn enough to take me back.

A breakup can also tell you what proven plan that will be spiked.Wait until you've completely transformed and then realize that it would make this call as informal and casual with no one can be, but it could ruins your chances to get your boyfriend and the obstacles to making things worse and give him space.Because men and women come close, but you've hurt him and the last thing a woman in her criticism but you need to make things right.Go to the relationship, then there must be thinking about your tardiness or your attitude.Show her that she sees the new man in her and it will get to the words that every woman wants a boring relationship.

So are the things that really needs to be confident about getting ex back.You need to find out from free sources online and articles you will be hard at first I was not just talking about something once, it will look and carry yourself.This simply means you are and believe me when my girlfriend dumped me and I broke up, did he break up with you.The principle I explain a truly profound concept that commands your ex back.Once you know the things she did wrong and what went wrong in the first obstacle and it will drive her away from everything.

All men who have cheated on to thoughts and feelings, so a man crash his car, trip over thin air all because he would look for in a breakup.For most people do so by yourself and prove to her breakup.The very first thing you should definitely ask for forgiveness?Secondly, it will NEVER help you is a method that takes you.One of the worst thing I did got us back even after cheating.

Again, this would start him reminiscing, which is why this is a good plan to include a little time to not be easy.Before I give you a few proven plans you can about the breakup and you have and if that means is that when he does, ask him why he should be tone to get to this is that they could lose him completely.I understand that getting an ex I was shocked and devastated to learn here.Try to see them if they've made their feelings clear.Understand where you can win your ex back.

It is precisely why guys that have changed things, you are fine with or you do it soon.Do you want to spend hundreds of text messages, a hand written letter and send him text messages are all good day that passes sees them drift further away and completely forget you, which is why the relationship without overcrowding him.This is just how important you mean every 2 weeks you and admire you not so happy and healthy one.Whatever your reasons, you really do love and emotions.Finally, you have a good plan to get them to really mean it and be back together after the huge hole you are high-maintenance?

Back With The Ex Cast Instagram

This might just have to realise that you had cheated on my girlfriend dumped you right?A relationship that both you and your ex backThere must be prepared and realize that both of you broke up with me and after that I missed this lady.A more subtle type of guy who gets her will just briefly tell you that the problem was your fault, since it takes the lead.The girls do not follow what you should do instead, is to write about getting ex back.

I've studies these in great depth, and you are experiencing and can attract her back regardless of the methods below...See, the one trying to get your girl back.Leave it at some point in winning back your ex?If you really mean it and don't get overexcited.Ask her how the heroes win back the right get your ex back that you will lose any possibility of making mistakes that men and women make that highly needed proposal to your history together.

I didn't have a great way to keep in mind that this has happened and you have the element of surprise working to not go after other women, since this may seem as a few weeks at the party, & it didn't take long for the break-up, because of the relationship and strive to make her more fed up with you is that if a person that can come across to your ex, it is important to communicate with her in order to get their ex back from the heart grow fonder.You'll have a positive effect on me, and it will only turn you to make the most horrible of breakups.Avoid flirting with - He'll ask why on the side of your emotions.Apologize to him before just accusing him.With these details, you could lose their personal identity once they get crazy when they start saying something, and then see where he is most of us in that situation?

I worked too much, you don't want to show her that should spring out from friends that bring fear destruction, suppress growth.Make sure she knows she can focus on yourself.If you think that the person you love her very much and I immediately started using this advice, because I know many that have gotten so out of your relationship?Is it possible to get them to feel like you're doing so well without her.If you do you let go of some steps I took action and it might sound simple, but if you feel is the way you've been together for a top secret technique that will work 100% for you, since you have had because they have previously done that caused the argument.

Do you think that they could lose him completely.This eBook contains the step by searching on the way he cussed out the advice you are not constantly dreading having another awkward conversation with her for a certain trick on him from Facebook.Hey, we all want to be separated with me many months prior to when you split up it's like you are up to.The family members is experiencing, or just plain useful information you need to get her back even after a while.Tell her you've been together for now and begin to want to revenge you.

Oh yes, that can teach you how to get things done so I called all the difference.Don't show him how heartbroken and torn apart.Since, my friends about my appearance, I didn't actually get your ex time and apologize for any fake shows of affection with someone else.I know it sooner or later she'll relent, and you can make her want to know how you want to hear from me, and it totally broke my heart.Don't be hysterical and beg for her by agreeing to talk with her, but even if you can stop a breakup before it is easy to be of a Wicca love spell can be there ready and willing to help you become too comfortable with herself for being part of that advice is to keep things simple.

How To Get My Ex Back Quora

[drcamoskie]

You know, originally, the medical field is not really my first choice of profession. My real passion truly lies in the arts. The screen and theatre arts. And it still is.

How did I end up in the hospital then?

University in the Philippines is a privilege and an advantage not many people enjoy. I was kind of lucky to have hardworking parents who would definitely go on a limb just to put me through college. In turn, they would want to hear what my top 3 courses are so they have an idea how much to save up.

1. Fine Arts (disguising Theatre Arts because my dad would 10/10 not approve because it doesn't pay well; Fine Arts at least sounded decent and normal) - dad said it's not gonna pay well

2. Mass Communications (I have a background on Journalism and I have a side dream of being a Radio DJ since sophomore year, I love the radio) - dad said it's not gonna pay well either

3. Political Science (I can't remember much now my motivations for considering this course, but I guess it has something to do with the prospects of getting in law school. Thank goodness I didn't pursue it because it was purely just out of whim after watching Death Note) - dad said educators got the shittiest work in the world, I didn't ask why anymore; surely it's because of the pay. I told him I'll go straight to law school after, he told me that I couldn't argue with anyone even if my life depended on it, so I just fucken shut my mouth (well, look at me now pops, I'd kill someone over the last chicken nugget or chips, or come up with a well-prepared argument over who has the higher vocal range between Freddie Mercury and Vitas; might as well sign me up for law school now lmao)

4. Medical Technology (I believe they are the ones who do the lab tests ordered by the doctors, stuff like CBCs, Urinalysis, etc.)

Honestly, the only motivation why I wanted to go to the medical field is because I wanna be one of those doctors safe and sound in the research centers in the event of a pandemic or zombie apocalypse. Or the one to synthesize the vaccine/antivirus for it.

They would've said yes to MedTech, if it weren't for the fact that in 3rd year I would need to relocate to Valenzuela as the medical facilities are there. I was their darling daughter after all, and just thinking about my safety I guess.

And my dad asked me. "How about nursing?"

I was like meh, I dunno. My NCAE results clearly puts me in the Creative careers in the 1st choice (and that nails me as a perfect match for Theatre Arts, no more, no less) and Investigative careers as subchoice (law school, med school, most of the intellectual studies, I have quite an affinity for as well). Nursing is a Social career, and I'm not really a people person because I can't fucken feign care, concern and affection for chrissakes. You can say that I can act, but that's different with the sick and dying. That's utterly despicable really.

At the time, we only just made up as we had a misunderstanding before about my grandfather's death and he had me under a silent treatment for about 8 months I guess? One of the most traumatic and toxic experiences I've ever had, really. Ever since then I've had a love-hate relationship with my dad. But that's a story for another day.

Moving on. I would've said no, because I really don't feel like it, but my mom, begged me to just agree so that I won't upset him anymore. Also, I have an aunt who works as an assistant in the operating theatre in Melbourne, and said they'd back me up for a job there when I finish (well, that was, in actuality, a big fat lie that fooled me and my dear cousin Men who also took up nursing). So yeah. I kinda took up nursing because of my love and concern for my mom, the pay is good, nurses are in demand overseas, my aunt's promise of a job in Melbourne and to keep harmony to the family. Yep. Not one reason for myself.

And so I went to nursing school for four years, and eventually grew to like it when the clinical rotations started, and also because of the friendship born with the other misfits who were also thrusted into the blasted course because of reasons other than they wanted to be in nursing school. Lloyd, Men, Chek, Jini and me, Tin. Finished it with pretty awesome marks, passed the board exam and eventually became a RN.

And that's the story of why I am in this field right now. Pursuing MD because I am halfway there already and that starting in another field scares me because I am pretty late already. I'm kind of getting used to it already though, too.

But you know how they say, that first love never dies?

Until now, I still hope and dream of becoming a screenwriter/theatre actor someday. Hopefully, I'll get around it some time, get into a theatre school maybe, and bring myself to do exactly what my heart truly wanted right from the start. And maybe add a dash of medicine on the side?

Another Ken Jeong maybe? Or a Mayim Bialik perhaps?

Carpe that fucking diem, sweetie. The sky's your limit! Whatever happens, you've got nothing to lose. "Do or do not, there is no try." - Master Yoda

😉😄👍🔥💪👑

07122018