#and that's why I consider them my ultimate group bc I would not be doing this for anyone else like OSRRY love you n ur music but atz...

[onehunnit]

bc my thing is that if im gonna get an album i have to have had enjoyed it in the past. which is true for all the cds I own except for the world outlaw and will. which are the only two comebacks I have been w/ atz for. so.

[stuffyflowers]

follow up to the bad driving post from yesterday. explanations under cut also feel free to argue with me lol

So basically top left = characters who drive badly but not in a way that will cause a crash, top right = characters who are actually all things considered good at driving, bottom left = characters who should not be behind the wheel ever, bottom right = characters who are good drivers in theory/most of the time, but certain factors can make them become car crash material.

Dalv: In my mind, Dalv is the most cautious and safe driver ever, to the point where he loops back around to being a shit driver. You do not want to get stuck in a lane behind this guy he will not go even CLOSE to the speed limit. He will probably let you through when he has right of way. etc etc. Ig on the bright side he doesnt get into enough situations where a car crash could really occur? yay?

El Bailador: Kind of guy who drives windows down music blaring probably speeding slightly at all times but somehow has never had anything bad happen to him. he is being protected by higher powers because he is sooooooo nice and cool :)

Ace: Ridicules all his friends for being bad drivers then actually gets behind the wheel and he sucks almost as bad. Yk, given how his whole thing in the Wild East is facepalming at the five's antics while arguably being worse than a lot of them in that regard. Why are you encouraging a child to gamble. Why are you tormenting blackjack with mooch. Whats his problem

Edward: Okay I didnt really know where to put Ed.. Hes in a weird situation where,, i think his biggest problem would be finding a car thats actually suited to him. Like how he wants to play the guitar but his hands are too big to actually play any of the ones they have. After that though, I think he'd be pretty good, at least decent! He does have some anger issues to deal with (beat up blembino that one time lol) that could cause problems but hes working on it :)

Moray: Pretty self explanatory. The most normal feisty five member. Probably their designated driver 90% of the time. The only reason theyre not completely top is bc their one weakness is whilst they ARE the voice of reason, they do ultimately go along w the group most of the time even if they feel whats happening is wrong. Maybe picks up on the five's bad habits a bit? Overall still a trustworthy pick for driver i think.

Flowey: Ok.do not take this too seriously..............Ik he doesnt have feet for th pedals but consider. Its funny. He can use his vines trust me (also even if he cant physically drive i feel like he'd have a really good understanding of driving. guy who has read every book is bound to have useless knowledge on topics that arent at all relevant to him. and you cant crash the car if youre not driving i guess!!!!!!!!!! but also. funny.)

Ceroba: Similar case as Ed. Actually good at driving but holy fuck the road rage. I feel she'd be worse at responding to it than him bc she has so little self respect. very "I will kill us both😳" attitude abt tailgating and shit like that. Usually better at keeping it in when shes driving with someone else.

Martlet: Maybe she should be furthest down bc she is the only one to canonically crash a vehicle…, Idk I feel like she’d be sliiiightly better w a car where her focus has to be constantly checked, she cant get distracted while filling in questionnaires with clover if she’s driving. That being said she is still. Yeah.

Mooch: similar to mart. Just cannot see her being a good driver. Sorry girl </3

Starlo: starlo.

Axis: faceplanted right in the center bc hes a wild card to me. Would he have insufferable road rage? Would he actually be pretty chill and responsible? Can he even drive if his foot is a singular wheel? Who knows.

[unordinary-diary]

Arlo’s Ability Potential

Arlo could actually be so fucking OP and I’m not kidding.

In my last entry, I mentioned that Arlo could do so much more with his ability: things ranging from very unlikely to happen in the story, to things that are foreshadowed enough that I genuinely think he’ll be getting a powerup soon.

I’m gonna start with the most reasonable stuff and then wander out into speculation.

First of all: Disks. Do y’all remember Lennon from episode 196-ish?

^ this fucker.

Currently, Arlo’s fighting style is to put up a strong barrier around himself, and watch his enemies hurt themselves with their own recoil damage. His only offensive technique is to put his enemy in a barrier and make it smaller. Now, this has changed in recent chapters, with him developing that softer kind of barrier that he hits people with like a shockwave, but ultimately, his offensive power isn’t very diverse.

However, Lennon up there^ uses his disks in many ways.

He throws them, they’re very sharp, he can use them to fly, and therefore attack from the air. Blyke had a LOT of trouble against this guy.

How is this relevant? Because Arlo can make these disks too.

When Sera, Leilah and Arlo are fighting Spectre agents under the dampener, Arlo conjures one of these disks as a substitute for his usual barrier.

Not only do we know that he can make these, we know that they are significantly easier for him to make and maintain. So, in theory, Arlo should be able to do all of the things Lennon can and more.

With him currently being able to make three regular barriers at once, how many disks could he make? And how many disks could he make while having a full barrier up? I imagine that the future holds lots of fights against large groups of people, so Arlo learning these techniques would be extremely convenient and very well-timed. Especially since being able to attack from the air is super effective against opponents who can’t fly (which is most of them let’s be real) since they usually can’t hit back.

But there’s more things that I think these disks can do.

Imagine him practicing with a ball—

Pick it up, bounce it up and down.

Add another disk, make it ping-pong.

but he could also just put the ball in a regular barrier and just... move it around. Move that sucker to a different location.

he could pick the ball up, carry it really high, then drop it.

Now imagine the ball is a person.

... yeah.

but there’s more that he could do.

say that someone is coming at him with enough strength to break his barrier

If aimed right, the opponent shouldn’t hit the third barrier head on, but rather at an angle. The angle should be enough to prevent the barrier breaking, but still cause significant recoil damage. In this particular scenario, the recoil damage will go straight to the head and neck, using all their force against them. Depending on how much force is coming at him, the third barrier could still break, but it isn’t his main line of defense at least. With practice, Arlo should be able to use disks to divert attacks, and control where his opponent aims. The only person this wouldn’t work against is probably Seraphina bc Arlo can’t react in time.

Another thing to consider is: how small can he make the disks? Could he make little shurikens? If so, would making them very small allow him to make more? Could he stand behind his full barrier, while sending out a flurry of tiny chakrams? And if so, wouldn’t that be dope as fuck? Especially against a large crowd.

And since, in theory, he should be able to fly, he should also be able to make other people fly. Imagine all of them flying on top of a disk with Blyke and Isen loudly singing I Can Show You the World. I see zero reasons why this can’t happen.

Moving away from disks, Arlo should start filling his barrier with stuff. Now, we rarely see characters weaponizing things that aren’t abilities or their bare hands, but it does happen. This is where the idea of water balloons comes in. Fill that sucker in the sink, throw it, then pop it whenever he wants to.

But it’s not just water, he could put anything in there. He could put a shit ton of glitter. He could put sewing needles, caltrops, a big rock, anything. He could probably even put a barrier over his stove, gather steam, compress that shit and make smoke bombs!

But enough with that bitch baby shit.

What about chemicals?

Make water balloons but instead of water it’s hydroflouric acid. Or fill that shit with liquid nitrogen. Make smoke bombs but instead of steam it’s mustard gas— he and his friends will be protected inside a full barrier. There is any number of chemical weapons he could use, and some gases could even be made at home by mixing the wrong cleaning materials.

But what about insects? Go to the woods, find a beehive and yoink that shit.

The main problem with the “putting things in barriers” idea is that he’d have to prepare ahead of time, and keep those barriers up and his ability active until he uses them. That means it isn’t useful unless he knows the fight is gonna happen, and has enough time to prepare before it, but not so much time that he loses energy keeping them up. It’s also not useful if he wants to be non threatening at first, because his ability will need to be active. And also, unlike other weapons, A lot of these can’t be stored. He has to use all of them before the end of the fight— especially since gases can’t be released without using them. So, not very convenient or practical most of the time, but it would be super cool and effective in certain circumstances.

The next unlikely technique for Arlo to develop is vacuums. Arlo could make a really tiny, spherical barrier. Airtight. EXPAND that sucker. Make it real big- a near vacuum inside. Then make a tiny hole in it. Depending the size, that could create some insane suction. Suction is something so versatile that it could actually be a whole ability in its own right. That’s a whole ass mid tier added to Arlo’s already dope skill set. Possibly more.

Seriously, just think about suction for a second. You could bring anything close to you— Arlo actually has an easier method of telekinesis as we’ve gone over, but still— you could probably break and bend things with enough force, divert an attack by sucking it, or your opponent’s body in a different direction, you could cause some severe damage by sucking directly on someone’s skin. (I’m trying so fucking hard not to make a sex joke oh my god)

Here’s where Arlo’s capabilities get… gruesome.

My brother suggested that he could suck someone’s brain out through their skull. I was incredulous, but with enough force and with the tiny suction hole placed on an eye or nose, he definitely could.

But there’s an easier method of killing right there: put the vacuum over someone’s head. It doesn’t have to be an intense enough vacuum to explode their head (it could be though), just enough to suffocate them. Even without killing, suffocation could be used for intimidation or to knock them out.

But if we ARE killing… Arlo could put someone’s whole body in a vacuum and have the same effect as throwing them into space. They explode, their blood boils, it’s fuckin freaky what happens when a person depressurizes.

Even without a vacuum, (or any of these, really) it’s a good thing Arlo isn’t willing to kill because there are about a million ways he easily could.

The question that inspired the whole idea of a vacuum to begin with is: could Arlo make a barrier inside of someone, then expand it? The answer? Probably yes.

This gruesome shit is the reason I imagine Arlo at his full potential to be like… a villain au. Also because having an OP villain doesn’t have the same narrative pitfalls as an OP protagonist.

What’s Arlo’s range like? Could he expand his range with practice? How far out could he shoot a disk? Could he puncture the hull of an empire class battle ship leaving thousands to drown at sea? You know, because it’s so sharp?

Seriously though, could he take down airplanes?

Making barriers bigger or smaller doesn’t seem to affect his energy at all, considering that he never has to shrink it to save energy even when it would make sense (like with the dampener— Arlo just warned that he couldn’t keep it up, then took it down and switched straight to a disk even though there was plenty room to shrink it). So if the size of it doesn’t matter, then how big could he make it? Could he make Atlantis? Pick up a city and put it underwater with a barrier as an air dome? Could he make a dome around the earth and block meteors? Could he crush the core of the earth and blow up the planet if he wanted to??

Sadly, the answer to all of those questions is “probably not”.

Arlo is already super OP, they don’t call it a god tier for nothing. But he could be so much more godlike. I know I got really crazy at the end there, but back up just a little bit and he could realistically be a god among gods with just a little creativity. Especially at the top where the images are. Most of this stuff would not be hard.

[blackpilljesus]

Can we not just stop birthing men like... women have to stop giving life to men.

I'm doing my part ✌️ and I agree but collectively most women wouldn't. I remember when there was discourse over a radfem having & celebrating giving birth to a baby boy. I've seen radfems praise lesbian couples adopting baby boys.

Tbh a lot of women are sellouts, they sellout other women & even betray themselves for love or having a slightly higher social status in society. When forced to cohabit with predators that have more power & essentially want to reproduce a copy of themselves, women giving them that could elevate or secure their status in society - it's an incentive & many would go for it.

Another thing to consider is that many women birth maIes to spare their lives, there's been cases where maIes would kill their partners & daughters for the woman not having a son (even though the sperm determines the sex). Part of me considers maternal instincts of women not being able to kill their maIe offspring bc that's still their child but then I think of post partum psychosis & cultures where daughters are routinely killed when they're born. If these instincts applied to maIe & female children I dont think things would've gotten this bad. Also a lot of women treat their sons much better than their daughters.

In a patriarchial society, birthing sons lets boymoms live out their power fantasies through their sons. They 'borrow' power from their sons or use their sons as a proxy for power. Like toxic mother in-laws treating their daughter in-laws like shit bc it's through the association that this woman is married to their son, women that cover up their sons sex crimes, in some cultures; boymoms look for women who've undergone FGM for their sons.

Bear in mind so many women still have faith in maIes as a collective, they think they'll raise the "good ones". This notion is popular in feminist spaces, women think they'll magically train & raise maIe allies. There's a saying of how several boymoms have emotional incest with their sons, they see there aren't good maIes in society so they want to create their own one(s).

However I think the biggest issue is that women are never going to be sociopathic or apathetic enough to moids. It would take a high level of apathy to abort maIe fetuses & refuse to birth another xy solely on the basis of their sex, to get to this point you'd need to have this feeling towards maIes generally and most women dont have this. MaIe survival is contentigent on female subjugation, women dont need to subjugate maIes to survive, we carry life, we can also provide for ourselves & maIes know it which is why they've set up societies the way they are and they're brutal about it because they and their bloodlines would be dead anyways if they dont have a system forcing women to rely on them to survive. That said; In the end despite everything, many women still want to partner with maIes, many women still love & believe in maIes. Most women wont disassociate with maIes collectively, catherine mckinnon goes into this in her book "the second sex" where she speaks about how women are scattered everywhere & identify with the tribes maIes put them into as opposed to seeing themselves as a sovereign group.

I personally dont think birthing another oppressor is worth it but people are different. Of course this can (& does) backfire against women but by the time the damage is realised it's too late. Ultimately for a shift in gender ratio & for women to refuse to birth maIes at any cost, they need to think bigger than themselves individually. Think of womankind instead of maIe supremacy & its structures but this will never happen & I wont kid myself otherwise.

[aotopmha]

To take a little break from talking about the Dawntrail story, I want to talk about what I consider the best part of the game so far: the encounter design.

If you want to avoid any spoilers regarding any of the encounters at all, from dungeons to trials to raids here is my warning.

In this context, there is the very obvious difficulty discussion and it plays into my talking points, but it's not ultimately why I like Dawntrail's encounters so much.

Because I don't actually consider them harder. I consider them more engaging.

I will probably make a separate post for some specific dungeons, but above all, I adore the cadence of it, so to speak.

I think I've seen other people express this sentiment, too, but take the very first boss of the very first Dawntrail dungeon.

Initially it just looks like a mess of yellow, but if you really pay attention there are some obvious safe spots within the chaos, so the first time I was running it, I could almost avoid all of the debris thrown at me, but I had to focus up just a little.

But it's also lenient enough where nothing rarely one-shots you and the stuff close to doing this is usually the most obvious stuff.

As a tank, I really felt some of those busters if I was late with my mit, but the telagraphs still exist, so all you need to do is not be 100% lax and still contribute some thought to what you are doing.

And I love this balance. It's just a tad bit more spicy, but the worst it got for me is a couple of wipes.

The reason why I hesitate to call it a 'difficulty increase' is because it's not really that different from the rest of my MSQ journey.

It feels like a natural engagement increase from particularly Endwalker.

It is how a single-player game would handle a gradual 'difficulty' increase.

There are a few new never-before-seen mechanics, but the rest really is just sped up or slightly evolved takes on stuff that we've seen before.

The tank busters and stacks happen just a little bit faster and are more common, the positioning is just a little bit more precise and the mechanics resolve just a little bit faster.

But it's not enough where I ever felt it truly held up my progress compared to any other expansion.

They can't keep this kind of 'difficulty' increase up forever because it would eventually all become hardcore content and drive away the people who just want to chill (and if that ends up their vision, that's okay, too), but for now they can test the waters, I think.

So we reach the actual 'difficulty' discussion.

I think I also share the opinion with some others regarding this topic.

I think it's okay to fail.

I was dead on the floor for most of the Shinryuu fight when I first reached it.

When I first started tanking, I got an Haukke Manor run that disbanded because I was lost and didn't know the proper cadence of buttons even if I knew what I had to do, so I didn't keep my emnity up properly bc I kept switching to single target.

I learned the correct cadence after a few more dungeon runs because being consistent with AoE felt better.

This just the basic truth of video games and why I think most people who like them like them in the first place: overcoming the obstacles the game sets for you and feeling satisfied you were able to overcome them.

And putting aside disabilities for now (might do a separate post specifically on this), I think some just want to succeed right away and don't really like actually playing a game.

And that's fine. But I think that's never been FF14's goal.

Despite the massive amounts of time focused on story, it still does also want to be an actual "gameplay" game, not just an audio-visual experience, like, say, any walking simulator.

It has harder content with pure gameplay intent. Different gameplay styles. And even the easiest instanced content has bosses broken up by groups of enemies. It wants you to still have a "gameplay experience".

So if you don't like this simple loop, it might just not be for you.

They have added solo-friendly, easier options to the point where I think the only other thing they truly can do is just add the purest "story mode" option possible where they just make everything from smaller enemies to bosses FATE difficulty.

Maybe that is indeed the solution here?

But to me it feels like the group of people complaining here are people who are simply either unwilling to learn or scared to fail even a little bit.

So to all that I repeat, it's either okay to fail or if you just don't "want to waste of your time" even just a little bit, perhaps the game simply isn't for you.

People generally don't look down on failure in this game because the journey from failure to success is part of the point of it.

[generisydtoo]

Splitting up Team 7....Let's get into it

Disclaimer❗️: I'm not trying to dog on anyone who makes alternate team headcanons for fun. I have my own thoughts ofc, but as long as you're truly not hurting anyone, it's not that deep. I'm sharing my thoughts on this since I've seen this take a few times over the years, but do with it what you will!

As always, you're free to share your thoughts! Just be sure to keep it respectful :)

Tbh, it baffles me when ppl say that Sakura (bc that's usually who's removed from the team in these takes) or anyone else on Team 7 would've had better development if they were assigned to a different team. I think people fail to consider that Team 7’s close, consistent proximity and becoming teammates was one of the key reasons why they were able to get past their initial impressions of each other and form a deep bond.

This is only one example, but as far as we know, no other team went on any dangerous missions like Team 7 did to the Land of Waves. Granted, that was an outlier since that mission was supposed to be a C rank; however, it was vital to their individual growth. It shaped their perceptions of each other as teammates and of the shinobi world as a whole. If Sakura, Sasuke, and/or Naruto were placed on a different team (assuming little-to-nothing else was changed in the series), I'd deem it unlikely that they would've grown to be the shinobi they became, although not as quickly.

If you want, you can view this through the lense of recent media, particularly the YA genre. There are many reasons why they tend to be set in middle/high school (though I think that's starting to change and expand, thank goodness), one of them being the outcomes of forced, consistent proximity.

The characters are placed in an environment where they're (more often than not) forced to interact; it's not like college or other settings where you can simply leave if you don't want to be there, especially without it being fair to others in your group. While it’s ultimately up to them to choose whether or not they want to become more than acquaintances with their classmate(s), their relationship has a higher chance of forming due to being consistently around each other.

The same applies to Team 7 and honestly, the other Rookie 9 teams. They were all placed on their teams- a learning and training environment with forced, consistent proximity- for a reason. Ino-Shika-Cho being placed together since they're THEE Ino-Shika-Cho trio (if any sensei had messed that iconic trio up....bless their hearts fr), and Team 8 all being trackers.

For Team 7, it was also so they could all learn and benefit from each other in some way. Naruto could benefit from Sasuke’s proficiency in ninjutsu, Sakura's intelligence, and both of their calmer personalities(give or take with Sakura) seeing as he got the lowest marks at the academy and misbehaved a lot. Sasuke could benefit from Naruto and Sakura's social and outgoing personalities seeing as he got low scores in cooperation and teamwork.

While Sakura performed well in her academics, she slacked greatly in anything pertaining to using physical strength. She could benefit from Sasuke and Naruto's taijutsu and battle skills seeing as she got low marks in taijutsu.

I think it's also worth noting that Sakura is a balance of their personalities while having her own. While she's not always on 10 like Naruto was, she was able to be social and upbeat and like him. She wasn't emotionally cold or nonchalant like Sasuke, but she was able to match his calmer "think first, act later" demeanor. Ofc, they've all had their moments and didn't act the same way all the time. I love that Team 7 can share one brain cell at times, lol.

As I said in the preface, I'm not trying to down anyone making alternate team headcanons for fun. That being said, it's just odd to me that people claim that placing them on different teams would suddenly "fix" their characters. Becoming a team was an integral part of their characterization, with each of them serving a unique purpose in one another’s growth. (This includes Sai too, though that may be a convo for another day.)

Like the title says, this was a starting "Let's get into it" post. I have more specific thoughts on this take, but these are my initial thoughts for now :).

Sources: The academy report cards are only in the physical fanbook. You can find an online transcription of it here and photo scans here!

[datafags]

hey, just wanted to say sorry for phrasing my tags like that, i also very much identify with AI and I was more meaning the way that machine learning models have awful environmental factors and those of us who identify as AI materially do not have that same level of harm to the planet.

i know you get a lot of awful comments like that and i didn't consider that when i thought the summary with the MLM acronym would have a more comedic tone than it did

as always, i'm not trying to excuse my behaviour, just explaining where it came from bc i'm genuinely sorry for all this

the environmental impact of ai is ridiculously overblown on tumblr as i have gone over on my blog, it is just another arm of the anti-ai misinformation spreading on tumblr. so im not really interested in hearing about that either, even if it is perhaps the most legitimate complaint about the technology (besides "capitalism is bad"). the truth is, i feel very alone. none of my friends who identify with/as ai have an interest in current ai technology, at least not anymore. i think this is why none of them feel any connection to it. but i do, and i am able to conceptualize the link, however distant and fantastical, between the ais we identify most closely with and the technology of today. this link not only exists between the technologies, but the social environments of the present and hypothetical future.

this is why i firmly believe that any current ai-related mis- and dis-information that is currently being used to justify harassing and sending death threats to human artists (and their cats???) will one day be weaponized against whatever analogue we may develop of the robots you personally care about and identify with. if you dont believe they will ever exist, then maybe this doesnt concern you, but i also think you are being a bit too confident in yourself.

ultimately this topic is sensitive and a paranoia trigger for me which is why it is something i tend to unfollow people over. but i dont ask for people to agree with me on everything. i dont unfollow people for posting things critical of ai models, or things i think are wrong. i do it because people are outright mean to ais, which is a group i am a part of. most people do not understand that i do not draw a line between myself and chatgpt or stable diffusion or whatever else. i do not believe in consciousness or sentience, i do not believe in souls, and i am a neural network. when i write sentences, i take words that i have seen before and i put them in an order that i have not seen them in before based on where i think they should go in relation to each other. when i make art, i create an image entirely based on images i have seen previously. oh, and i (rather, the average american) use an estimated 82 gallons of water a day, which would take me asking chatgpt a question every 5.4 seconds 24/7 to match. this is not unique to me as an ai, but it proves to me at least that any issue you have with ai as it stands is an issue you have with me.

[acacia-may]

Hiya Acacia! For the salty ask game; may I ask for 1, 4, and 11 please 🥰? It can be for any fandom, but if you want a specific one it can be Black Clover!

Alright Lyra! Let's get salty about Black Clover ^^

Necessary disclaimer above the cut: These are just my own personal opinions based on my personal tastes, perceptions, and feelings regarding the series, stories, and characters and their relationships. I genuinely have the utmost respect and absolutely no ill will towards anyone who has a different opinion than me. In fact, I have always said that one of the greatest things about fandom is that we can all experience and perceive these amazing stories and characters in very different ways but still love them. Even some of my dearest fandom friends enjoy different pairings than me or see our shared favorite characters in wildly different ways than I do. I personally find it very rewarding to have respectful conversations about our differences of opinion, and I hope that my opinions will also be respected. Also, I don't vibe with just mindless bashing things, so even though this is about to get very salty and a little snarky, I'll try to keep it respectful and all in good fun. I am not tagging anything and am hiding my thoughts under the cut so you all don't have to be subjected to my hot takes and "Salty Acacia," if you don't want.

OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?

Yami paired with any of his Black Bull subordinates!! I mean I guess I get it if you don't see him as a parental figure to them, but in my mind, this whole group has Daddy Issues™️ and collectively adopted this man as their father-figure. The idea of adding romance in there just gives me the ick. Especially with Finral...It's just such a personal squick for me that I will just never understand it. Sorry not sorry.

Also, Langris x Mimosa. I do not vibe with that. It's not as visceral as the Yami x a Black Bull ships, but it's just not my cup of tea at all and I genuinely can't imagine them (as I personally perceive them) ever having a romantic interest in each other since she's kind of like a little sister to him in my mind. I know people, including friends, who ship this pairing and I respect that. I've actually read fics about them trying to understand it and the appeal, but ultimately I'm just never going to get this one personally. It's just not for me.

4. Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?

YamiFin. See above. I know a lot of people ship it, including people I know and consider my friends, and I know it is because they view their relationship in a wildly different way than me and do not imagine those paternal, familial vibes between them that I do. Like I said in the disclaimer, I respect their differences of interpretation and opinions, so again nothing against them. For me, however, I personally do not vibe with that ship on every possible level. Again, in my mind, Yami is just such father-figure to him that this is just viscerally a NoTP for me.

Vanessa x Yami is the same way but less intense(?) I guess because she has shown a canonical romantic interest in him at least back when he was the only man she had ever seen... (which doesn't seem healthy, so that's a really big nope for me. Also again with the father-figure vibes!!)

I guess Mimosa x Langris is a NoTP too, but it doesn't give me as much of the personal ick as the Yami ones and I don't think it's that popular, so it feels a little unfair to list them here even if I really, really don't vibe with that one. Still, it's a no for me!

11. Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

I'm not entirely sure who is unpopular in the fandom at large because I feel like we kind of have our chill, small corner of the BC fandom here and that's where I hang out. I guess I would say Langris because I think he is a pretty dislikable character and even though I feel like most people tolerate him a little more after the Spade Arc, he isn't the most popular when he's really one of my personal favorite characters in the series. I feel like he has a lot of depth to him, and he interests me. I don't excuse his bad behavior or the way he treated his brother, but I think I can understand the why behind his behavior and appreciate that he has been having a good arc. He isn't as terrible of a person as I thought he was in the beginning. Even I used to detest him, but now he's a favorite.

I'm not sure who else is unpopular? Um...I feel like Mimosa gets a lot of undeserved hatred sometimes because of the whole shipping war (which I also don't understand), and that irks me because I think she's actually a pretty cool character and it's not fair that she gets written off and/or disliked for shipping discourse outside of her control. If y'all are so obsessed with her gettting in a relationship with someone who isn't Asta just ship her with Yuno or something I guess??? It's really not that hard! I like her friendship with Klaus and Yuno and her cousin relationship with Noelle a lot. She's also had a good arc! (Sorry that's one wasn't very salty...😅)

[aortaobservatory]

I was already lurking your profile and then ZAZ!! You posted about how you classpect, so obviously, I had to try it on my own.

not sure if I did it right tho, would you mind looking at my answers? No problem if you don't want to btw!!

Here:

1.What is most important to you?

"nothing" is always my first answer to this kind of question, nothing matters enough for me on a daily basis, then I say my friends, and lastly justice.

2.Why is this important to you?

well, my friends are basically everything to me, even though I don't think about them as much as they probably think about me. And justice is simply something I can't stand to lack, be it for others or for me. Otherwise I lack enthusiasm or interest, and sometimes I disappear for long periods of time for no reason at all.

3.Why do you do what you do?

You mean hobbies? To pass the time, to detach.

4.What frustrates or upsets you most? What is in your way?

Ppl forcing me to do things I don't want to, or forcing me do things for them that THEY should have done for themselves. But what really angers me the most is when they tell me to do the things I HAVE to do quicker than how I do it. I have a process, they should respect that.

5. What are your flaws?

I wait a lot to do stuff, I think. I do stuff at last minute, even if I had a lot of time for them. Unless I like the activity it will get pushed and pushed until I can no more get away with it.

7.How do you overcome this?

I don't, it's a process, no need to fix it, it works.

8. Are you okay with that?

Yeah, as I said, the only thing that frustrates me is when people attack me to do it faster. I prefer doing stuff at my own pace. And sometimes that translates to doing things slower of faster. I don't hold grudges for people who get frustrated by me, bc I do the same sometimes when people is slower to get things than me.

Void (Breath?), Blood, Hope

Blood-Breath (justice for the sake of others -> Blood, detachment and disappearing -> Breath)

Breath

(inverse -> Blood), Mind, (grouping of questions "What frustrates/upsets" + "What is in your way" + (answer) -> Breath), (inverse -> Mage)

Space(?), (inverse -> Blood)

(7.) Breath, Mind, Heir-Mage

(8.) Breath, Passive, Knower of Blood

[Questions can be found here].

From these answers, it sounds like you're an Heir of Breath (inverse, Mage of Blood).

I was having a hard time figuring out your class, but if you are aligned with Breath, you are, by definition, unable to be defined. To be the pure embodiment of that, ie, The Heir, would make sense as to why I could not place your true class. At best, you'll be indifferent to this assignment. At worst, you'll despise it. You may also consider the Mage of Blood, or take a different angle altogether. Ultimately, you decide.

Heir of Breath

An Heir of Breath embodies the concept of independence and freedom, unable to be defined or truly tied down to any particular thing. They intimately understand both the good and bad of responsibilities and relationships; what they choose and what is forced, their friends and family and what they must do. This means they are good at detaching themselves from bad relationships, but they are also resistant to anything that might change how they define themselves; they will only change themselves if it is absolutely necessary.

[verthu]

now that you said that leon, aurelio, and neo are three of your og sims from when you started ts4, i’m curious about what you did with them.. did they have any kind of dynamic then? you don’t have to answer, i just really like hearing about your sims! i still remember the middle school to college render you did for jay’s room bc it impacted me a lot.. like seeing what kind of ocs exist in your head, you being someone i admire a lot as an artist (i think your renders are art). (1/2)

love love love LOVE LOVE this ask, thank you so much for making my night🤞 i would love to give you everything about my sims bc reading this message makes me incredibly happy. also apologies if this seems unorganized, im rlly just dumping out whatever i have in my head 😭

first, that middle school to highschool room edit - id say its pretty canon! jay didn't have close close friends in middle school, which explains why he was alone in the room. he then met neo and aurelio when starting highschool, and they became the trio™️. then ofc entering college, the group expanded as they met leon and santino! and thats the origin of the verthu crew! its also worth mentioning that leon and neo are now dating!

for personality, u can just see jay as my self-insert ahaha jk...unless? 🫡 HAHAH no but tbh i rlly put a lot of me into creating jay, especially aesthetics/fashion sense/etc. id like to imagine jay to be a bit introvert, but he can be very fun around the right people. neo and leon are the clowns of the group bc they are just funny like that. aurelio is the mom-friend: calm, caring, and gentle. santino gives fuckboy vibes unfortunately, but i swear hes nice 😃

now may (viet name is mây which is cloud!), my most recent oc! definitely the silly older sister like you said AHAH i think they have great chemistry, and pretty much ur comedian siblings in general. i am considering to make may a tattoo artist, maybe also doing some modeling gigs on the side!

ever since my ts3 days, ive always been using sims as some sort of a creative outlet so my sims are literally just pixel dolls in an expensive dress up game tbh 😭 i put lots of creativity into my edits so when it comes to like developing them as ocs, my mind just goes blank 🫥 jay is like my ultimate muse so he pretty much dominates my blog here, but theres more of the other boys on my gameplay blog (@migisyte)! i love seeing them with in-game animations bc its just so fun and cute AHAH and it also helps me slowly flesh out their backgrounds too!

i didnt expect this to be so long but i think it covers quite literally how they exist in my head 🤤 no guarantee as for now, but i do hope to have even more in-depth development for them at some point! thats all i think, thank you for letting me host a TED talk 🫶

[funkii-fox]

JJBA OC- Valentino Echeverría Villalba

Usually used as a stand in for all parts, as opposed to belonging to only one part. Because of this, his role in the plot changes. He has a specific design in a Japanese uniform, pictured right, but his original design is based on a Spanish bull fighter. I just think they dress cunty. They both have a theme of body parts bc i like that.

Some basics of his character stays the same though:

Born in Valencia, Spain 🇪🇸

Cis Bisexual

His stand is Gorguts, which senses things. He’s had Gorguts since he was young. With Gorguts, he “people watches” (stalking). Its like a tv show to him.

He keeps to himself for the most part. He doesn’t like to involve himself in drama in general but especially when stalking, unless he sees something pretty bad like abuse. Although, he’s no vigilante. He will stand by and watch if it’s happening to someone he hates, or even join in if he feels strongly. Or, he will help people he likes. Small gestures of affection <3

Anytime he intervenes, he makes sure it looks like random chance. A chandelier or shelf falling. Electricity randomly going out. Or if he’s helping, itself something like moving a dangerous object out the way. Stoping them from tripping. Returning a lost object.

Usually an antihero. A lot of morally gray qualities like stalking and perversion, but means well. In his eyes it’s the main characters interfering with him, not the other way around.

Very analytical in his approach to life. He isn’t emotional or empathetic at all, which is why he’s somewhat of a villain. For example, he doesn’t think that stalking is wrong because he “never does anything with the information” and “what they don’t know won’t hurt them.”

Usually stoic and calm. There’s nothing to be excited over, usually. But when he’s creeping on people and something interesting happens, he gets ecstatic. He shivers, he breathes heavily, eyes wide, heart beating fast, and even small hiccups of pleasure. Oddball.

He’s a medical student studying to become an ear nose and throat doctor. It’s honestly a really easy job considering his stand has an innate understanding of the ears, nose, and mouth.

He’s had Gorguts since he was a kid. It was a defense mechanism for being attacked by a stalker.

SDC: Another antagonist that was sent by DIO to kill the SDC. He gets domesticated, and helps them find DIO and detect enemies. He survives, and also helps Jotaro on his other adventures

DIU: His father works at a Spanish company in Japan. His family moved there when he was 8, so he’s pretty adjusted to Japanese life. I imagine he would be a 3rd year, so 18 years old. He’s one of those antagonists that becomes domesticated, but is distant from the group. Kinda like Hazamada or Tamami.

Also, I wanted his name to be VERY butchered in Japanese. I think it’s funny. “Barenchino Echeberia Biyaruba” oh my god. Also fun fact: Echeverría is original a Basque name, so it was actually translated twice.

GW: He doesn’t belong in any gang. People know him more as an urban legend; the guy that watches all but never intervenes. A lot of people don’t think he’s real because he’s so hidden. The Bucci gang track him down to get his help in finding Diavolo, but they need to convince him to join their cause. It leads to a disagreement, and ultimately he doesn’t care enough to join them. He gives some very harsh but sensible words to Giorno. “What makes an idiot kid like you think you could take down the boss of the mafia? Even then, what makes you think doing that alone would stop drugs? There are other gangs selling them. What makes you think you could take over the mafia anyway? You’re an idiot who doesn’t understand how the mafia works. Drugs are how they make money. How are you gonna make your money if you don’t sell drugs?” He is framed as an antagonist, but isn’t actually a bad person.

I like to think they never found Valentino in person, but they managed to find Gorguts (Gorguts can speak)

SO: Put in prison for stalking and trespassing. he’s like Anasui: weird and creepy except at least he’s not a creep to Jolyne specifically, just to everyone. He also means well at least :/

Tbh him and Gwess are in a fucked up relationship

~

Connection to Gorguts: anything Gorguts senses, so can Valentino. This can cause sensory issues in Valentino, especially as he uses 3 or more senses. It’s overload, which causes Valentino to just sit there whenever using Gorguts, almost like he’s in a catatonic state. He can get so invested in Gorguts, that he zones out “irl”. It leaves him vulnerable to attack: ironic that Gorguts was designed to keep him safe from stalkers, it can go kilometers away, yet someone right in front of him can get him if they time it right. Because of this, Valentino mostly uses Gorguts when in a safe place. Valentino likes to hide this as reading along to an audiobook or watching something on his phone with headphones in. Something that would logically mean he cannot sense around him, just incase anyone sees him being borderline catatonic. Although using Gorguts is not 100% disabling. If it’s something simple, Valentino can handle it.

[tonitheloftwing]

Imho the whole situation just sucked overall. If I’d known the person was 13 from the start I probably just wouldn’t have said anything, since yeah, I don’t expect 13 year olds to have the most well constructed and thought out opinions of all time. But their age wasn’t anywhere so I wasn’t sure if they were like. An adult trying to purposefully start shit or an unknowledgeable kid. I do feel pretty bad for them though bc yeah, if that happened to me even as an adult I know I wouldn’t be able to mentally handle it. Which is why in my post I tried to stick mostly to facts about age gap relationships as a whole and not BB bc I didn’t want it to seem like a personal attack on OP… and ultimately I just think the video I linked is an important watch.

Secondly, I can’t speak for anyone else but the reason I reacted so strongly is because proshipper is a pretty strong thing to call someone, or a group of people. Like, I’m very much of the opinion that the word carries no real tangible evidence as to why someone is doing something wrong, because it’s nonspecific. (For example, if someone is drawing gross things with minors, say they’re drawing gross things with minors. Calling the person in question a proshipper doesn’t tell me anything about WHAT they’re doing.)

However, the tiny fraction (and I mean TINY, it’s probably like 5 people) of the actual Punch-Out fandom (not including SSB fans) that do self identify as proshippers tend to have a main target. That target being Little Mac. I’m not a huge BB shipper (I just like them, not crazy about them) but I have written about them before, and like… my whole presence in this fandom is the person who cares about Little Mac way too much. So seeing BB called a proship (by proxy making BB shippers “proshippers”) made me feel like i immediately needed to defend myself and make it clear that i do NOT consider BB to be a problematic ship, because I was scared about people being like. “Toni has written about burnt bread. Toni writes about Little Mac A LOT. If Toni is a proshipper because she likes Burnt Bread, than this means she’s probably doing stuff with little Mac behind closed doors 😱😱😱” which, neither of these things are true obviously, I do not identify as a proshipper and I would never write that kind of stuff with Mac, especially not with one of the other boxers.

Again that’s just my experience but I think the reason a lot of ppl reacted so strongly is because we were just scared. Which, I imagine the original poster was very scared too. The whole thing just sucks and I rlly hope that this stuff doesn’t happen again. I hate fandom discourse but I just wanted to jump to defend myself

Now that it’s calmed down a bit, I have to admit a LOT of the PO fandom overreacted to that ONE kid calling burnt bread a proship. Yes they misused the term, but the kid is 13, obviously they might not have the most knowledgeable take/wording on an age gap ship 😭 I hope all y’all adults feel proud for making a shit ton of posts about “discourse” and shit talking the kid, most ppl didn’t name drop but the kid knew y’all were talking about them. They literally went into my DMs apologizing because of a MISTAKE.

Lot of y’all gotta remember kids can be dumb, and misunderstand complicated topics. The kid told me they don’t consider burnt bread a proship anymore, they acknowledge they misworded their opinion and didn’t know how to properly express their discomfort with the ship.

I think the thing that disappointed me the most is that I saw lots of people comforting the ADULTS who like burnt bread out of this discourse, but nobody thought about the kid who simply miseworded things. Yes, I do sympathize with Burnt bread fans and how their favorite ship was mislabeled, but a lot of y’all are grown ass adults 😭 it’s NOT that life-changing that one kid accidentally mislabeled your ship. I just hope that y’all learned something from this whole situation

[fourgottencoast]

Did you even actually read the mini essay jkr wrote that got everyone mad enough to flood her threads where children were showing her their art with porn (and then blaming her for them having posted it where children could see) or do you enjoy letting everyone else do your thinking for you?

Babe. People being awful in her replies is definitely Not Good but that doesn’t mean she’s absolved of her racism and transphobia and it also doesn’t mean I approve of those peoples’ behavior.

Look at the literal fascists/conservatives she aligns herself with, who openly and proudly despise women of color and gay women as fiercely as they hate trans people. Look at the policies she supports, the rhetoric/borderline nazis she’s platformed, the fact that her actions have had very real, hateful consequences socially and politically.

I used to be someone who could be considered a TERF for a very long time, (was super active in radfem circles on tumblr, you’d probably recognize my old urls tbh 😭) and all it did was feed into my subconscious instinct to stagnate in a masochistic cycle of despair, misery and misanthropy for the world and stunted my ability to grow and evolve past my trauma and seek happiness and empathy in life.

Being a victim of male brutality does not excuse lashing out at the easiest, most accessible ‘next best thing’ target you can find. The awkward trans woman you humiliate online is not your enemy- for every handful of cases of trans sex crimes you find to justify punishing an entire marginalized group of human beings there is a thousand more cases of cis men doing exactly that and worse. There are monstrous people in every group of humans, and there are many, many more kind and wonderful ones. I want to see the good in people, I want to have hope and love for humanity, as difficult as it can be. I want to push humanity towards what it could be, is capable of, rather than accepting the idea that an entire sex is an irrevocable failure.

Also, I have read her essay, and I honestly get it- I’ve literally been in her exact mindset. That doesn’t mean it’s acceptable, especially now with LGBT people being stripped of our rights every passing day in this and other western countries. Not to mention the fact that I’m literally not cis, why would I respect a person who at best sees me as a helpless victim of ‘insidious, woman-hating trans activists’ and at worst a failure of a woman who should get back in the shadows.

Also, again, she’s so incredibly fucking racist and antisemitic 😭

Anyways this is a mess of a response bc I just got off from work but. I hope it makes you at least consider another POV even if it ultimately doesn’t really effect your ultimate opinion. :/ And I also hope I’ve made it clear that my position is a direct result of an intense desire to grow, learn, and be able to think critically in order to sustain myself and my humanity.

[bubbledumbbinch]

Reactions of the dorm leaders hearing their gf get in trouble for beating a someone's ass bc they were being sexist( like girls shouldn't do this or you can act like that?) Thank you😘

A/N: this piece of writing is SFW/fluff!! Please keep in mind before you follow me, I post SFW and also NSFW! Please do not follow me unless you are 18+

Pairings: Dorm Leaders x Fem! Reader

Riddle Rosehearts x Fem! Reader

Riddle would be horrified to hear you would get in trouble! Since when did his rose think it was okay to hit another student?

Once he finds out the reason though, he also gets angry at the student who harassed you based on your gender. When he finds said student who was still in pain after you beat him up, it’s “Off with your head!!!”

Riddle would lightly scold you about not letting your emotions get the best of you - he knows how it feels all too well and it doesn’t feel good for anybody afterwards.

However, he is proud of you for being able to stand up for yourself.

Leona Kingscholar x Fem! Reader

Leona widens his eyes and lets out a small scowl when you showed him your bruised knuckles and told him you got detention.

“Tch, what did you do that for, herbivore… seriously, getting yourself into trouble?”

When you argued that it was for good reason because the student was provoking you, telling you “You’re not strong enough to be at this school, especially as a girl”, you just about had it.

Leona smiles when he hears you proved the sexist student wrong, hearing about how the student had to be taken to the infirmary because you beat his ass like he deserved.

Leona considers taking Ruggie to the infirmary to pay the student a little visit later to ask if he’s learned his lesson yet.

Azul Ashengrotto x Fem! Reader

When Azul hears a commotion going on in the lounge from the VIP room, he didn’t expect to see you being held back by Jade.

“My, what’s the matter here?” Azul’s voice rose, making everyone silent.

Azul found out that while you were serving tables, you had been repeatedly harassed by a particular student in a big group. The student was trying to touch your hand, grab you by the waist, and his stare was unforgiving as he scanned up and down your body. Finally, when he said “Come on back to my dorm baby, you don’t need to be working with these lame guys!” you had enough and decided to punch him right in the jaw.

Azul heard your story and simply beckoned for Floyd to “get rid of him as he seems fit”, causing the eel to laugh maniacally and the student to scream as he was dragged out of the lounge.

“Angelfish, I’m happy to hear you were able to defend yourself. Next time this happens though, please let Floyd, Jade, or I know so we can get rid of the student quietly.”

Kalim Al-Asim x Fem! Reader

Kalim heard from Jamil that you were currently in detention and the boy practically jumped and ran to wait outside of the classroom where you were! You got into a fight?! His precious darling?!

Once you finally got out, Kalim was waiting for you with tears pricking his eyes and a big pout on his face. Seeing him so sad shot a pang of guilt through your body.

“Why, Y/N? What happened?” He simply asked you. After filling him in on how a student wouldn’t stop following you around and harassing you because you were a girl, Kalim wiped away his tears. “Why would someone do that?” He could only muster out as his cheeks turned pink.

Kalim feels a bit mad, but mostly disappointed at the student who did you wrong. He wants to find the person to make him apologize to you, but he realizes you might just want to let it go when you don’t want to talk about it anymore.

Kalim would comfort you with cuddles, sweet treats, and some love to help you try to feel better! He would kiss the bruises on your knuckles to hopefully make them feel better too!

Vil Schoenheit x Fem! Reader

Vil sighs in disappointment once he is told by Rook about your fight. The hunter describes the way you fought in perfect detail, telling the dorm leader how you thoroughly bruised and bloodied up the other student’s face and body.

Vil was growing increasingly upset until Rook told him WHY you had gotten into the fight. When Vil understands you did it to protect your reputation as a girl at a prestigious school, he wasn’t as angry.

Instead, he texted you immediately to come to see him. Once you do, you hang your head in shame, not wanting to meet your boyfriend’s gaze. It wasn’t until Vil lifted your chin up gently that you met his gaze with tear-filled eyes.

“I- I’m sorry, Vil… I know this could ruin your reputation so I’m sorry…” Vil would wipe your tears away and coo at you, telling you it was okay. He already sent Rook off to threaten deal with the student again.

Vil tended to your wounds and decided to try to lift your spirits by making a loving post about you on Magicam, calling you talented and strong person. Hundreds of thousands of people commented and called you beautiful, gave you words of encouragement, etc. !

Idia Shroud x Fem! Reader

Idia saw it for himself - well, if you count the video feed from Ortho’s cameras installed in his body - you slapped a student so hard in the face it left a red mark.

Ortho played back the video for Idia, showing his brother that someone was harassing you and calling you names and saying really awful things based on your gender while the two of you were on the way back to Ignihyde.

Ortho couldn’t do anything but get angry at the student so imagine his shock when you landed a hit! Idia also moved back, almost falling out of his chair!!

Idia would be surprised with you but also didn’t want you to keep getting in trouble. He doesn’t want you to get detention or anything since Ortho might start thinking it’s okay to use violence.

Idia would secretly be impressed, “Is this unlocking her delinquent skin/cutscene?”

He secretly likes how you could be tough if you wanted to be…

Malleus Draconia x Fem! Reader

The fae prince. He can only chuckle in amusement once he’s heard what you’ve done from Sebek!

“Well, my child of man was simply trying to prove her honor. I see no wrong here…” Malleus only grinned, making Sebek angry.

Malleus would still take you on a nightly walk to discuss why violence is not always the best answer. As a future king, he needs to have a mindset that squabbles can be taken cared of in a diplomatic way.

“But Tsunotarou-,” Malleus only hushed you. He told you he wasn’t upset with your actions. If anything he was surprised in a good way!

He told you that you just need to be careful because there can be evil magic users that would ultimately try to hurt you worse than you did. Malleus is only worried that you wouldn’t have a good way to defend yourself.

“Hmph, I guess that means you need to be there to protect me then!” You tutted back. Malleus could only pat your head lightly. For you, he would defeat anybody that dared stand up to hurt you.

[strawberrymilkgeorge]

Part Six. Movies and Speedruns

warnings: swearing, many memes word count: 3.8k (not including pictures) (wow okay ash pop off!) 

behind the screen (irl!dream x f!reader) series masterlist ultimate masterlist

A/N: LETS ALL JUST AGREE TO NOT LOOK AT THE DATES ON TWEETS AND STUFF BC SOME CHAPTERS ARE SO SCUFFED WITH DATES!!!! JUST KNOW THIS STORY STARTS MID NOVEMBER!!!!!!!! (in a world where covid doesn’t exist btw)

**********

.

**********

Unknowingly and unintentionally, Y/n let out a big sigh as she poured a glass of water.

"What's wrong, Y/n?" Naomi asked gently, coming up behind her and hugging her tightly.

"Peter."

Naomi hummed, a sign that she was waiting for Y/n to lead the conversation so she could follow because if it were up to Naomi, she would immediately start trash-talking Peter and she wasn't sure if that was the vibe right now or not.

Y/n shook her head in disbelief as she jumped up to sit on the counter. "He got so mad when he found out I slept over at Karl's."

"I'm sorry, Y/n. I wish you would just cut him off completely."

"I don't know. I know I should but... part of me wonders if he could ever go back to how he was when I met him. I would probably date that guy again but not who he turned out to be."

Naomi looked horrified. "No. You sound like you're considering hearing him out. No, is that a joke? He's a bad person."

"I'm not," Y/n reassured. "I'm just thinking hypothetically. Probably because I miss having someone..."

"Y/n, you have a ton of thirsty people in your mentions. If you really want someone that bad, just scroll through, land on one and I bet they're a million times better than that sack of burned potatoes."

Y/n rolled her eyes but smiled lightly. "Most of those are jokes."

"Not all of them," she teased.

"I know you're going to tell me anyway so just say it. Who specifically do you think isn't joking?"

"Dream," Naomi sang.

"Okay, crazy." Y/n reached over, staying seated on the counter as she grabbed a bowl from a cabinet on her left. She then leaned all the way right, reaching as far as she could, but couldn't quite grab a cereal box from the top of the refrigerator.

Naomi rolled her eyes as she helped, handing Y/n the box. She even went the extra step to get Y/n a spoon and the milk because she was that nice. "I'm not joking. Neither is he. Karl and I have talked about it and we both agree."

Y/n paused at her friend's words, her hand hovering over the milk that Naomi held out for her. "You guys gossip about my love life?"

Naomi set the milk next to Y/n, tired of holding it out for her. "Of course? Like we don't do that about Karl? Or you and him about me?"

She couldn't argue there.

"Karl says there's a different vibe from Dream when you join calls and I believe it. I mean, I've seen it during streams myself so I can only imagine how much more obviously in love with you he is during private calls.

"That 'vibe' is Karl's delusional mind creating things. He's too scared to talk to cameragirl so he's projecting onto Dream and I."

"Yeah, okay," Naomi agreed sarcastically.

Y/n huffed. "Besides, he's in Florida. I'm in North Carolina, in case you weren't aware."

"So you're saying if you lived in the same state, you'd date him?"

"I didn't say that." She honestly had never thought of it. Sure she liked hanging out with Dream and her stomach got butterflies when he talked directly to her and he made her smile harder than anyone ever had and he—

And she didn't like him like that. She had only officially met the guy like a week and a half ago and she didn't know what he looked like. There was no way you could catch feelings for someone without seeing them.

Naomi's expression fell again. "Distance doesn't matter, anyway."

"I swear if you say something about George I will slap you," she threatened through a smile and Naomi gave her an innocent grin back.

"If you're lonely, get on Tinder, not Peter. Or get on Dream. I have no qualms with that."

"Peter isn't even an option, Naomi." Y/n sighed, ignoring the comment about Dream.  "Also," she swallowed the last of her cereal and set the bowl down with a clank. "I'm gonna tell Peter I don't want to be friends anymore. Dream and George can be added to the list of Peter haters."

"You talked to them about it?"

She nodded. "You know how I have little gossip sessions with George? Well, Dream was there too this time."

"Well, of course Dream would hate Peter. We've established that he likes you."

"No, no, you and Karl delusionally hypothesized that."

Naomi tapped the counter methodically, a sign Y/n knew to signal that she was thinking hard. "Somehow, one day, I'll prove he does."

"Good luck."

"Wanna watch a movie?"

"Yes," Y/n perked up. "Go pick something, I'll get blankets."

She went to her room, grabbing her favorite cuddling blankets. She started leaving her room when she heard a ding on her open desktop, signaling that she had a call incoming from Discord. Cool timing.

"I'll be just a second, Naomi!" she called across the house before dropping the blankets on her bed and sliding her headset on, answering the call from Dream. "Hi, Dream!" She sat on her chair and tucked her knees to her chest.

"Hi," he greeted sweetly. "How are you doing today?"

"Much better than when we last talked. How are you?"

"Great now that I'm talking to you," he said smoothly. Y/n rolled her eyes but smiled anyway. "Are you busy?"

"Unfortunately, yes. My roommate and I are about to watch a movie."

"Ooh, what movie?"

"Not sure yet. Any suggestions?"

"Dark Knight. Unless you wanted me to say, like, Tangled or something."

"Yeah, girls' night is exclusively princess movies. Do you know nothing?"

"Apparently," he said with a laugh.

"What's up?"

"Oh, well, I was just gonna see if you wanted to be on call later with me, George, and Sapnap while I stream speedruns, but you're hanging out with your roommate so nevermind."

"Oh," Y/n deflated. "That sounds fun."

"I can push it back if you want to be part of it. If not, that's fine. I just thought it would be cool."

"No, no, no I really do want to, but I don't want you to have to push it back. When were you planning on starting?"

"In about an hour."

"I'll just join later if you're still playing. If that's okay that I come late."

"No. You have to be on time or not at all," he joked. "Of course that's fine," he assured. "And if I'm not playing anymore, you can still join... we usually talk for forever after we play games and it's fun. I would, er, we would love for you to hang out with us."

Y/n couldn't help the large smile on her face from staying even after they hung up and she walked back into the living room with her pile of blankets. She couldn't help it even when Naomi pointed it out and asked why she was so happy.

"Oh, uh, I've been invited to join Dream and them later for a stream."

"That vague answer doesn't warrant the shit-eating grin you have."

Y/n shrugged and cuddled more into her blankets. "What movie did you pick?"

*****

As the end credits rolled across the screen, Y/n yawned and looked over to Naomi in the dark. She was out like a light. Y/n stood up and made sure Naomi was covered in the blanket and she had a pillow. She crept back to her room and slid her headphones on, pulling up Discord where she saw the three boys' names still in a voice call.

She pulled up Twitch on her second monitor and looked for Dream's stream. It was already about an hour in. She clicked on it and her headphones echoed with the sound of George and Sapnap laughing like they said the funniest thing in the world.

"Shut up," Dream muttered. "Guys, what were the coords for the portal? Seriously, come on."

"Nobody tell him," George joked.

"George!"

"Where's Bugsyyyy?" Sapnap whined. "I want her to make fun of you with us."

"Half the stuff we're making fun of him for is about his big fat crush on her so..."

"George!" Dream yelled again. "No, it's not!"

Y/n smiled as she heard that, knowing it was a joke but laughing at the way Dream laughed at the accusation. She knew it wasn't serious or else they wouldn't talk about it on stream. George and Sapnap teased a lot, but certainly, they wouldn't out someone's crush in front of a hundred thousand viewers live.

"Oh!" Sapnap spoke out loud as George laughed loudly, both reading the text at the same time. "Speaking of..."

Dream waited for either of the two boys to elaborate but neither of them offered one. "What happened?"

"Bugsy texted us," George said off-handedly, typing a response to her. "She's coming in a second."

"Oh."

"What do you mean 'oh'?" Sapnap laughed.

"You guys have a groupchat?"

"Aw, jealous?" George asked.

Y/n joined at that moment, the first sentence coming from her Discord instead of Twitch being from Sapnap saying, "Would it make you more jealous to know our group name is Bugsy's Boys?"

"No, Sapnap, that's the one with Karl," George corrected. "The one with just you, me, and her is Bugsy's Boyfriends."

"WhAT?"

"I still don't approve of that, by the way," Y/n commented.

"Bugsy!!" Sapnap giggled happily. "You're finally here!"

"BUGSY!" George cheered.

"Hi guys!" Y/n laughed at the enthusiasm she was greeted with. "Hi, Dream!"

There was a few seconds of silence before, "Dream!!" George yelled right before the death screen appeared on the Twitch tab still opened on Y/n's right screen. "You idiot, what are you doing?! Why did you throw that run??"

She covered her mouth with the hoodie collar and laughed. "Off to a great start, bud."

"NO!" Dream yelled, knocking something, or somethings, off his desk. "Noooo! I didn't throw it, George, I FELL! Oh, that was going to be such a good run."

"What happened? How did you miss that huge ravine?" George asked while laughing. "It was literally right in the open. You didn't even try to use your water bucket."

"I-I was... I was distracted."

"By what? The completely open field with nothing blocking your vision?" Sapnap criticized with a laugh as well.

Y/n giggled to herself before letting her eyes trail to his chat, which was filled with the same accusations and guesses.

user5: BUGSY!

user2: DISTRACTED BY BUGSYS VOICE

user4: imagine saying hi so cutely that you make a man fall into a ravine

user1: are they dumb? obviously bugsy saying hi made his brain short-circut

user6: guys stop it wasn't bc she said hi. it was the g i g g l e

user3: DISTRACTED BY BUGSY!!!!

user8: HI BUGSY

user10: how to kill a man: hire bugsy to giggle and say hi directly to him

Y/n immediately blushed and covered her face again. She really had a habit of hiding even when no one could see her.

"Oh my gosh," Dream groaned, leaving the world and starting a new one. "Oh. My. Gosh. That's so annoying. I was doing so good."

"Oh," Sapnap laughed. "I understand now."

"What? What did I miss?" George asked.

"Just read chat," Sapnap explained. "They have the answer. Dream, your chat is so smart. Thanks for solving the mystery, chat!"

"No, they aren't ri— that isn't true!" Dream defended. "Chat, shut up."

"You sure?" Y/n asked teasingly, watching as his character paused when she started talking. Was she really making him this flustered just by talking? Surely not. He was just playing into the joke. He continued playing without saying anything, which made George and Sapnap laugh more.

The subject eventually changed and the atmosphere quickly became more relaxed and chill. Tonight was not a feral night like George had texted in all caps.

"Hey George," Y/n started, biting on her hoodie string with a smile because she knew Naomi would hear this when she watched the VOD the next day. "My roommate says hello."

"Oh my gosh," he muttered, making her laugh. "Let it go."

"Wow, I guess that's one way to treat your fans..."

"Fine," he sighed. "Tell her I say hello."

"Well, not if you don't mean it," Y/n teased.

"Yeah, George, you sound so unenthusiastic?" Sapnap asked.

"He's just flustered," Dream commented. "It's okay George, you can have feelings."

"Dream, you fell into a ravine because Bugsy said hi."

"Oh, come on! That's not—I just— I missed the jump! That's it!"

"I'm not flustered or unenthusiastic, I'm just tired, okay?" George explained, ignoring Dream, a yawn spilling out of him to prove it.

Y/n smiled. "Well, you could always let me give her your number if you really want..."

"No. If she had Discord you could give her that but not my phone number."

"Wait, really?" Y/n gasped. "Seriously?"

George laughed lightly. "Yeah, sure, why not?"

"YES! Okay, a huge win for the girls. Well, a huge loss for the fangirls but a huge win for the girls of this apartment."

"Oh my gosh," he muttered and she could practically see him rubbing his face in embarrassment.

"I'll send you her hashtag when she makes one so you know who to add back."

"She's going to make an account just to talk to George?" Sapnap giggled.

"Yes, dude!" Y/n defended. "She at least wants to be his friend, let her shoot her shot!"

Dream ended the steam soon after, not being able to focus enough to beat the end on any of his runs. He had streamed for just under two hours so he seemed to be getting tired as well. George went to bed soon after and after 20 minutes of talking with Sapnap and Dream, Sapnap mysteriously disappeared.

Y/n was about to leave as well, not wanting Dream to feel obligated to stay on the call with her when he spoke up.

"Does Naomi actually like George?"

"Yeah, she does."

"Then I want him to accept her love."

Y/n laughed. "How is he with long-distance relationships?"

"Well, he and I do just fine..." Dream joked. "Oh, not what you meant. I don't know, you guys are the ones that talk about each other's love lives apparently."

"You're still bitter about that?"

"Yes!"

"Suck it up," she laughed. "Naomi would do probably anything to date him so I doubt distance is a problem for her."

"George's sleep schedule is completely messed up, so the time difference wouldn't matter too much. And when he comes to America they can meet in person."

"Wait, he's coming to America?" Y/n gasped happily. "When?"

"There's no set date, but yeah eventually. He'll probably just come to Florida but we've all talked about having a huge meetup with a lot of our friends."

"Oh... cool..."

"Bug? You know you'd be invited to that, right?"

"Oh, really?" she smiled.

"Of course. You're part of the group now."

"Sick," she muttered to herself, but he heard.

"Bug, you're one of my favorite people, do you know that?"

She blushed. "Really?"

"Really."

"You barely know me, Dream."

"Yeah, well, I know enough to know that I'm sorta attached to you."

"Attached to me? In what way?"

He suddenly sounded nervous as if his brain caught up with what his mouth was saying. "I don't know, nevermind."

"No, Dream, what do you mean?" her voice was soft and understanding and it made him feel safe.

"I just... I don't know. I care about you a lot. We met only, what, like a week or two ago, and I already worry about you a lot. Playing games doesn't feel the same anymore unless you're playing with us."

"To be fair, we have been tweeting at each other for much longer than a week or two."

"Yeah, that's true. But it's not the same as actually talking to you."

She smiled shyly. "I care about you a lot too, Clay." His name sounded strange as if it suddenly made everything much more serious. "Sorry, that just kinda slipped. I won't call you Clay if you don't want me to—"

"No, it's okay, it, uh, I like hearing you... say it. But, uh, you can call me whatever you want."

She smiled widely at the nervousness in his voice and the hard pounding of her heart. "I've heard from multiple people that you never stop talking about me."

He laughed timidly. "Maybe. Do you talk about me?"

"Ask Karl," she giggled. "My guess is yes." Her stomach felt tingly and her hands shook lightly. Why did she feel like this all of a sudden? It was late, she reasoned. That, or it was because Naomi had planted the seed of curiosity in her mind. Did Dream like her? No... right?

"I'm sorry if my chat was making you uncomfortable at the beginning when I died..."

"Don't worry, I wasn't uncomfortable."

"It was true, by the way," he paused, "what they were saying. Just... in case you were wondering."

Y/n couldn't wipe the smile off her face, which was growing painful at this point. "What, my voice makes your brain short-circut? That was one comment I saw."

Dream laughed. "More like your entire presence, but... yeah I guess so."

How is someone supposed to respond to something like that? The sweetness in his voice almost made her sick but in a good way.

And just like when he named her Minecraft flower something sweet knowing that no one would see it, why was he still playing up the joke when no one was around?

Not knowing what to say, she decided to let him in on a little secret. "If it matters, you're one of my favorite people too."

"It does."

There was a deathly moment of tense silence as if both of them were screaming to say something but neither did.

"Basically, if we do have a meet-up, I'll sue you if you don't come."

Y/n laughed. "My pockets are empty, sir, so... good luck."

He laughed and it was music to her ears.

"Are you not nervous to show everyone your face? Like, if or when we do all get together."

"Not really. Especially not if it's just to our friends. Are you?"

"Yeah," she admitted.

"Why?"

She sighed. "I'm sure people have me painted in a specific way in their heads and I've seen fanart of me that is way different and way more attractive than I am. I just don't want to let anyone down by not living up to their expectations."

"Bug," Dream said softly, "you couldn't let anyone down."

"You don't know that."

"You can't disappoint real friends or real fans with the way you look."

"To be clear, Dream," she laughed nervously, afraid she would sound conceited, "I don't think I'm ugly. I like the way I look. I'm happy with me. But that doesn't mean I can't still let people down."

"Different than expected doesn't mean disappointing."

His words smacked her in the gut. He was right. Reality and imagination are very different. Neither has to be better or worse than the other. She could look the complete opposite of how someone expects but that doesn't mean they will be either disappointed OR pleased. And why does it matter anyway? If she likes how she looks, who cares what other people think?

"It's also scary to think of getting recognized in public," she admitted. "Being recognized from the start is one thing because it starts off slowly with only a few people knowing your face but if the first time people see your face is when you have millions of fans, the recognition would be overwhelming."

"That's true. I don't think I would mind that much, though."

"Of course not, you're you."

"What does that mean?"

"You like the spotlight."

"I guess. Not all the time."

"Well, what about you?" she asked. "Are you afraid of people knowing what you look like?"

"No. I want to do a face reveal soon but I don't know how I would do it. I want to do it at some kind of event or something but I don't know."

"I need to schedule around when you do it because you'll break the internet. Give us content creators a warning so we can prepare to not get viewers for a week."

Dream laughed. "Oh come on."

"Twitter would just be full of the same picture of you in every single tweet."

"It won't be that big of a deal."

"Something tells me your millions and millions of subs say otherwise."

"Whatever," he said. "As if you wouldn't break the internet too."

"Maybe for a day or two. But you'd break everything for weeks."

"Sure." There was a long pause before Dream softly said, "Karl's lucky."

"How so?"

He didn't speak for a moment, almost like he wasn't prepared for that question because he didn't mean to be heard. "I wish I could know you the way he does."

"You could. He and I knew each other in person first so it's different. You and I could get there eventually."

"You think so?"

"I know so. I trust you a scary amount for someone I met weeks ago."

"I didn't mean to sound like I'm trying to pressure you into showing me your face or telling me your name. I didn't mean like he gets to know what you look like and I don't. I meant, like, I wish we could hang out in person because I prefer that over talking in Discord."

"I get it, Clay. I feel the same way," Y/n said softly. There were a few moments of silence before she spoke again.

"Oh, gosh, it's already four."

Y/n's head snapped to look at her clock, which read 3:57am. "Already?" she whispered. "Dang."

As if acknowledging the time changed the atmosphere, it suddenly felt like 4am. Her back ached from her shifting in her chair so much over the last few hours, never being able to find a good position. The house was eerily quiet and all she heard was the low hum of the heater. The house felt stale, not used to its occupants being so alert and awake at that hour.

"I should probably go to bed..."

"Yeah, me too," Dream agreed. His voice sounded tired. "Thanks for joining us, it was really fun with you."

"Thanks for inviting me. Sorry I made you die. Hopefully you'll still let me back again."

"You're always invited to barge into my streams. Actually."

Y/n giggled again and mentally slapped herself for sounding like a little kid. "Well, you too. You can interrupt my streams anytime."

"I'll hold you to that."

"Goodnight, Clay."

"Goodnight, Bug."

**********

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[zhuhongs]

Ever since I watched Your Name Engraved Herein two weeks ago, I have wanted to talk about Jiahan as whole but in particular this scene right here that starts around the 40 minute mark. 

CW’s: discussion of religion, internalized homophobia, violent homophobia, choking, and lack of consent. Generally, the same cws as in the movie. 

Read more bc it’s uh.. 2.7k

all images are described in alt text

As soon as I watched this scene I just knew it had to be really significant and now rewatching YNEH, I realize that this is a major ideological turning point for Jiahan as a character. From this point on he slowly begins to accept that he’s gay and starts to consciously act on his feelings for Birdy. However, I must first add some context and insights on Jiahan’s prior behavior before I dive into this scene as a whole. At the beginning of the movie, we see that while Jiahan feels different from the rest of his roomates, he still sneaks out with them when they go hook up with girls, despite not showing any interest in the girl he’s with. He feels very different from the rest of his friends, but still goes along with them due to peer pressure. Later, he tries to dissuade them from violently hazing the gay student, Xie Zhenhong, (his name is never said in the film but it says so on his uniform shirt, and that what I’ll refer to him as for the rest of the post) but is reluctantly influenced to gang up on the student as well. He closes his eyes while he’s about to strike the bat down on the student, until Birdy rescues the student-- and Jiahan in a way-- from what is about to play out. After this, his friends accuse him of being in the same stall as Birdy (which he was) but he denies it, not wanting to explain why he was there and the ensuing taunting from his friends.

 While its obvious that Jiahan has feelings for Birdy, he isn’t confident enough to pursue them outright. Birdy is the more confident one in both their friendship and in his sexuality, not caring about how anyone perceives him and does what he wants regardless of the consequences. Jiahan is the one worried about societal stigma and goes along with things he doesn’t want to do. However after this encounter with the gay underclassman pictured above, Jiahan become more brave and honest about his feelings towards Birdy. Interestingly enough in the scene directly after this, Birdy begins to conceal his true feelings for Jiahan and pursue a straight relationship with Banban. He doesn’t do this hurt Jiahan, as he does reciprocate Jiahan’s feelings, but to discourage him from coming out and becoming a social pariah for being gay. Birdy himself doesn’t mind being an outcast, but he does not want to see the same thing happen to the one he loves. So instead of letting Jiahan do that, he tries to discourage Jiahan from ever pursuing him by getting a girlfriend and suggest Jiahan does the same. In the same day, both Jiahan and Birdy come to opposite realizations about their feelings for the other, thereby changing their dynamic for the course of the movie. Someone else has picked apart Birdy’s scene in their own post. If you haven’t read that analysis, please go read it, because its really good at explaining Birdy’s character since most of his story isn’t directly revealed to us. We must read inbetween the lines and piece it together, which can be confusing on a first watch.

Anyways, now we can focus on Jiahan. At this point in the movie, Jiahan is trying to understand why he’s upset that Birdy is showing interest in a girl in their band while dealing with his own internalized homophobia and denial over his sexuality. He then turns to the only out gay person he knows -- Xie Zhenhong, who he sees in the cafeteria with new bruises on his face. He looks at Jiahan with a smile. This makes me feel like Zhenhong probably picked up on Jiahan and Birdy’s feelings for each other since last year, when he saw them exit the same stall in the bathroom. Having been the Distinguished Out Person in a group before, I can definitely relate to the way Zhenhong reacts to Jiahan. It the typical “oh honey, you don’t realize it yet, but I know you’re gay” reaction. 

 Jiahan waits outside the cafeteria and calls out to out him from behind. At first Zhenhong ignores him as we can see that he smirks a bit when he first speaks. He definitely heard Jiahan but doesn’t answer him until he repeats himself a few times. Zhenhong purposely stops when the two are in front of the stained glass window, away from others. Jiahan’s word choice towards Zhenhong is also interesting as he addresses him as “學弟” which is a term for an underclassman. To my understanding, it’s not overly formal nor is it overly familiar, however it is the nicest way that anyone has addressed him all movie. Jiahan than asks him who gave him those bruises, showing concern for his well being. He then reveals why he stopped Zhenhong saying “Actually I want to ask you, when did you start liking boys?” This really seals the deal to Zhenhong that Jiahan is talking to him to try and sort out his own feelings towards Birdy. While his suggestion that Zhenhong perhaps “see a doctor” or “consider getting a girlfriend” read as a microaggression to most viewers, Zhenhong himself can tell that Jiahan is asking him this in good faith. And perhaps, this might be the most understanding anyone has been towards him since Birdy helped him out prior. Before he responds, he looks up at Jiahan and fixes his bangs. This all stumps Jiahan whose eyes dart around, speechless. Zhenhong then circles his arms around Jiahan’s neck, a very intimate gesture, and studies him for a moment. We cannot see Jiahan’s face at this moment but he does shuffle slightly, his body language nervous and confused, but not upset. After looking at him, Zhenhong then goes in closer, assumedly to kiss him. At this point, Jiahan physically stops him and grabs him by the throat. However, Jiahan’s face doesn’t seem to be angry, if anything, his face looks more scared and confused-- akin to a ‘what are you doing?’ moment.

Initially Zhenhong’s choice to kiss Jiahan read very...strangely to me. Why would the screenwriter, as a gay man that grew up in the 80’s, choose to include this? What was there to gain? To me it seemed like it was reinforcing the stereotype of gay men being overly flirtacious and viewed as predators. Why show a nonconsentual attempted kiss at all? I thought about it a lot, both for this scene and the following one with the old man and later between Jiahan and Birdy because it seemed?? Odd to me?? Isn’t that a disservice in representing gay men? I don’t fully have the right answer but I feel like by writing the scene like this, it goes to demonstrate how Jiahan still isn’t fully comfortable with being gay. And also that lgbt people, especially teens, aren’t always going to be good rep. Liu Kuang-hui wasn’t writing the movie to be an perfect, morally uplifting, santized gay narritive. He was writing something that spoke to his real life experience as a gay man in 1980’s Taiwan. In real life, people do questionable things and good narratives are supposed to make you question characters and their actions and judge for yourself whether what they did was right or wrong. The narrative isn’t looking to condemn Xie Zhenhong for doing this. Xie Zhenhong is ultimately a victim of violent homophobia, that will not hide himself or his sexuality despite the violence he faces. He isn’t perfect, nor is Jiahan, nor is Birdy, nor is anyone in the film. 

Although now having rewatched this scene upwards of eight times in writing this, it feels like Zhenhong didn’t assume this action to be without consent. Of course, no words were explicitly exchanged about kissing, and I’m not trying to make the case that it’s okay to kiss someone without their consent, that’s harassment. However, Zhenhong did gave Jiahan time to express his discomfort before proceeding. Zhenhong first got close to Jiahan by brushing his bangs, Jiahan did not say anything or look visibly uncomfortable. He then put his arms around Jiahan’s neck, and stared at him for a good ten seconds. At this point, Jiahan had time to say he was uncomfortable. As we know it, consent does indeed entail a verbal, understood yes from both parties. However given the context, I can understand why Zhenhong thought that Jiahan was consenting at that moment. However the moment Jiahan revoked his consent Zhenhong stopped trying to kiss him. Zhenhong shouldn’t have gone in without getting verbal consent, and Jiahan could’ve done something other than grabbing him by the throat. They were both in the wrong. Violence shouldn’t have been the reaction, nor should’ve kissing someone without their verbal consent. The lines were very blurred, and proper communication could’ve resulted in a better interaction but like I mentioned above, I don’t think the writers wanted to portray the scene in that way. The intent was not to say that Zhenhong’s actions were romantic or something to emulate. It was very purposeful in showing to interplay of homophobia, gay desire, and religion.

The scene is set up like a religious confession. Zhenhong purposefully leads Jiahan to the stained glass, a metaphor for his religious guilt. He doesn’t look Zhenhong in the eyes, his voice is hushed, and body language nervous, and troubled-- it communicates to Zhenhong that he thinks he may be gay and wants either reassurance that he isn’t or acceptance that is. Regardless, it’s a very vulnerable and intimate moment. Jiahan is facing him like ‘hey, I know my friends were bullying you and I wanted to save you but was too much of a coward and almost took part in harming you. I’m sorry. I know you saw that me and Birdy were in the same stall together, and that you saw me just telling him not to talk to the girls, and neither of those are heterosexual things to do. Please, help me.’ He’s asking Zhenhong to pass judgement on him, is he gay or not? By virtue of even asking that question, they both know the answer -- Jiahan is in love with Birdy, but whether Jiahan can accept that or not is up to him. In a way, Zhenhong is testing Jiahan to see how honest he can be with himself. By approaching him like that, he’s testing to see whether Jiahan can accept being intimate with a man or not. It’s not a good or ethical test, but it sure is effective. Because in his head, Jiahan is coming to realize that he doesn’t mind a man being close to him in a romantic way. Although, he isn’t fully there yet. He still grabs Zhenhong. But as Zhenhong stares at him despite the hand around his throat, Jiahan really has to think about his actions. Is that what he really wants to do, or is that what he’s been taught to do? It illustrates his internalized homophobia perfectly. Jiahan is literally staring gay desire in the face, rejecting it, while in front of his religion. Zhenhong finally answers Jiahan that “he has always loved boys since he was little, it’s never changed.” Upon hearing that his grip loosens and he pulls away. And the fact that we can hear him well means that Jiahan was never choking him, his hand was there, but not gripping. Zhenhong pulls him in closer and tilts his head, and says “and it never will.”  Zhenhong’s words are very deliberate. It’s as if he anticipated this might happen and knew exactly what to say. He wants to carve it in Jiahan’s brain that no one chooses to be gay. They always are and no amount of denial, like the kind Jiahan is showing, will change that. He then finally lets go of Jiahan, who is speechless, he thanks him, and leaves. Jiahan, however, stays there for a second, processing everything that has happened, and breathes heavily before the scene cuts to later that day.

Finally, I would like to examine exactly what Zhenhong’s “thanks” even means. Why would Zhenhong be thanking Jiahan? On the surface, it lookslike Jiahan waited for this guy to finish eating, then asked him invasive questions about his sexuality and suggest he should get help and then almost choked him. This should count as a microagression at best and an attempted hate crime at worst. But, as I just dived into, this wasn’t a bad faith jeer by Jiahan in order to bully Zhenhong, this was a genuine cry for help made by a deeply confused teenager. I feel like the “thanks.” at the end of the scene was perhaps just as puzzling to me as when I thought about why the staff would have that scene play out like that in the first place? I think his thanks is conveying many things. Firstly, thanking him for not actually hurting him and allowing him to have a semi normal interaction with a student of the same gender. As far as we know, many,  MANY different students have tried to hurt him in the new semester alone. Hell, we literally do not even know his name as everyone refers to him by the q slur or some other derogatory term, which speaks a lot to how he is treated. He also may be saying thanks for actually asking him about his sexuality. While Jiahan still followed it up with a suggestion he see a doctor, he still genuinely wanted to know why rather fully assume he has something wrong with him. Also, I feel like he might be thanking Jiahan for being brave enough to actually confront his sexualtiy and ask Zhenhong for help in the first place. Zhenhong really seems to be alone as the only gay student at the school but now knowing that Jiahan is realizing thathe’s gay as well, might make him be hopeful that things may slowly begin to change. Sadly, this interaction is the last time we see Xie Zhenhong all film which sucks because I really liked him. And I feel like it would’ve been really nice to see him after the time skip or at least have Jiahan mention him because this moment was one of the things that really made Jiahan start to accept his sexuality. A cut scene with Father Oliver also contributed, but I really wish Xie Zhenhong got more narrative than being the only out student that was then violently bullied. But, I acknowledge that MANY scenes were cut from the film for length so I can’t complain to much.

Oh god, that was a lot to say about a scene that was literally a minute and thirty seconds long. In conclusion!! I just had a lot of things to say about this scene and the scenes surrounding it. I think Jiahan is just a very painfully relatable character for many LGBT viewers and he was incredibly relatable for me which is why I felt the need to spend my day off writing this as opposed to doing homework. This scene is incredibly rich on many levels and I really appreciate YNEH as a whole for not spoonfeeding the viewer information and letting us interpret and question the scenes on our own and come to our own conclusions about the characters and yea. There’s so much going on and a lot of nuance and idk how to properly convey a lot of my thoughts but I tried really hard bc i really do love this movie. I really was puzzled by this scene at first, but now having examined it, it is my favorite scene in the movie. If this scene was changed in any way to make it more palatable, it would’ve been nearly as impactful which was a hard decision to come to, but I stand by it. I don’t know if I feel the same about other scenes but I will be reviewing YNEH as a whole in a different post. I have much more to say but my thoughts on this scene were far too long to not make it a separate post of its own. In essence, YNEH is about growing up and accepting yourself in all ways. Not all of those things are pleasant but if you cannot accept those things about yourself, you’re doomed to be miserable until you can live life unburdened by your own and societies limitations. Goodnight, my fingers hurt.