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roscgcld · 4 years ago

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HEADCANON + VARIOUS || after a mission

pronouns: them/they

note: besides Yuji and Nanami, everyone else’s storyline is going to happen AFTER Yuij ‘dies’ in the Cursed Womb Arch.

ITADORI YUJI

feels like he’d just want to be wrapped up in your arms the moment he sees you after a long day away

enjoys feeling you fuss over his wounds even after ieiri heals them up; how your fingers will caress them lightly as you tell him to be more careful when he’s on missions

ordering takeout for sure - he takes takeout as a reward after a successful mission, so you two will order the most unhealthy food you two are craving

along with all the snacks you two want - you’d get in house delivery of all the chips, candies, and soda cans you two want to have for the night

you two shower together - nothing sexual, he just wants you to baby him by helping him wash his hair whilst his hands just rest on your hips, feeling the warm skin under his rough hands whilst your hands washed off the sweat and grime off of him

enjoys it when you’d towel dry his hair or blow dry it with your hair dryer; your fingers carding through the soft strands whilst he sat you down in his lap, smiling up at you like a love sick puppy

eventually sukuna would pop up and demand you give him some attention to, to which you just smile and stroke underneath his eye carefully with one hand whilst the other blow dried Yuji’s hair with the other hand

when the food arrives, you two will probably just curl up underneath his bed and watch a few movies on his computer while stuffing your face with the food

you’d end up feeding a few bites to sukuna as well, feeding the mouth on the side of yuji’s cheek and wiping his mouth for him - cause let’s be honest, sukuna wanna be babied too

after the meal, you two will go through the snacks slowly. or more so yuji going through it slowly; because let’s be real, boys got a huge appetite

you know better than to ask him about what happened earlier today - knowing that he was definitely fighting with his internal demons right now

well - unless he was fighting with sukuna; to that he would most likely just whine at you to talk to the cursed spirit until he shuts up. since sukuna, surprisingly enough, ‘tolerates’ you and listens to you when you tell him something or asks him to do something

after awhile you’d suggest to go to bed, to which you’ll gather him up in your arms and just cuddle him close; giving him all the affection he needs to try and clear his head

baby tries to not tell you everything that happened, since he didn’t want to become a burden. no matter how much you tell him to let you in, it takes him a lot of time to really let go of this habit - but all he needs is to feel your arms around him and everything just feels right

FUSHIGURO MEGUMI

will probably mull over what happened in silence, looking like he was on an entire different planet and not noticing when things happen around him

sometimes he stays up, even if his body was sore from the full day of fighting curses, staring out the window with a faraway look on his face

you’d wrap your arms around him from behind and rest your head on his shoulder; with your legs either folded beneath you or placed on either side of him and just hold him quietly

wouldn’t let go until you feel him lean into your touch before you’d reach your hand up play with his soft hair

if you press kisses along the side of his face and jaw? mans will melt against you and just closes his eyes as he accepts the warm and love you shower onto him

slowly you’d coax him to go and take a bath, quietly sitting behind him to wash his hair whilst he just pulls you between his legs, face buried into your neck without saying anything

afterwards you’d probably end up cooking for him whilst he just stands behind you; maybe even helping you stir the food in the pan whilst you reached up the small cabinets that came in the kitchenette to grab the different spices, or while you grabbed the plates for you two

you two would quietly eat, with him probably pushing his food around a lot since he was lost in his thoughts still

eventually you’d finish your plate and feed him quietly, making sure to keep your voice soft and loving as you coax him to eat

once the food was done and the dishes were put into the sink to wash tomorrow; you two will find yourselves wrapped up in each other’s arms, resting underneath his warm sheets

whispering soft nothings into his ear whilst you run your fingers through his hair gently, a gesture he always associates with you and with safety

sometimes he’d ask you to tell him about your day, or read him a few chapters of the book you are currently reading; just so he can hear you talk

he doesn’t make any other sound, nor does he cry - he just sorts of lay there, warming his cold body as much as he can as he tries not to let his mind wonder far

all he needs is some reassurance, that you’re right here with him and that everything is going to slowly become alright once more. and even if they aren’t, he is not going to be alone to face it

soft whispers of ‘i love you’s and quiet words of praises are all he needs to feel the fear and tension leaving him in waves

KUGISAKI NOBARA

since she was at the hospital to treat her wounds, you basically dropped whatever you were doing and just ran straight towards the hospital with ieiri by your side

at first you let ieiri heal her up before you walk to her bedside, grabbing her hand in his before you press a soft kiss against her knuckles while you waited for her to wake up

when she finally did, and was caught up with everything, she fell into shock. she hadn’t expect to wake up after a mission only to find out that your classmate had basically been murdered by the cursed spirit that was leeching off of him

she would go silent, which was concerning to you since she enjoys to blab her little heart out - so this definitely get you concerned

when she is allow to go home for the evening, you made sure to stay by her side, talking to her in a soft and reassuring tone whilst she just nodded mutely

after awhile she’d try to put up this indifferent and strong front, forcing herself to try and act like nothing happened - trying to be her loud and cheerful self

but once the doors of her room was closed, her eyes watered once more as she slapped a hand over her mouth; her entire body shaking with the sobs she was trying to hold back

you’d just wrap her up your arms, letting her cry into your shoulder and cling onto you tightly; running your fingers through her hair as you whisper words of reassurance that you are right by her side

eventually you’d sit her down on the toilet seat, helping her wipe up since she can’t take normal baths until her wounds have healed up - making sure to keep your touch light and careful as you run the soapy sponge against her body

put her in your clothes, she had always said that being in your clothes and wrap her up in a blanket; before sitting her in your lap; running your hands along her arm soothingly

you’d probably end up cooking some ramen and dumplings, comfort food at its finest - and once the food was done, you’d serve both of you on the small dining table in the room

once the food was done and the dishes were washed, you’d put on some quiet music to play in the background; your lap definitely occupied by her once more

staying up until late of the night just talking about the most random of things - a new manga that appeared on shonen jump, some scandals that your favourite social media personalities get into, a new episode of an anime that you’ve recently watch

even though she tries to put up a strong front with everyone, she is definitely hurting a lot more than she’s letting on. she just needs someone to be by her side, reassuring her that she did all she could, and that she wasn’t weak. it may be small, but your words and reassurance definitely makes her feel more relaxed and help her slowly close the wounds once more

GOJO SATORU

feel like you rarely see gojo that affected by a mission, or after hearing that one of his co workers have died on the line of duty. but this was different - this was his student, someone he vouched for and brought under his wing when the world is against him

for once he’d be silent, not making any jokes of comments as he just sat in the couch in your living room whilst you went about cooking a meal for the both of you

eventually he’d admit that the ‘old farts’ got one step ahead of him, sending the students on a mission that they knew none of them would have stood a chance against

“guess in a way it was my fault too - since i did approve of it thinking that they are able to survive it.” gojo admitted with a tired sigh as he takes another bite of the food before him, causing you to glance over at him in concern. he rarely ever admits defeat like this

quietly he’d help with the dishes and the locking up of your shared home, which was freaking you out more and more since he is being so out of character right now

eventually you’ll ask if he wanted to take a shower together; which he agreed after a few seconds - so that’s how you fond yourself seated in a bathtub, quietly running your fingers through his soft white hair whilst he just rests his forehead against yours; bright blue eyes downcast the entire time

when the water got cold you’d just coax him out of the bath before you two got dress, where you’d drag him to your shared bed where you just open your arms up for him

wrap your arms and legs around him, letting him rest his head on your shoulder whilst you rest your cheek against his head softly, just letting him be babied for the night

running your fingers through his slightly damp hair after you tossed the blanket of your bed over him, asking him a few questions about his newest mission out of the country

sometimes he’d entertain your questions, but his answers were definitely short and sometimes he’d even trail off half way in the middle; but you’d just hum and entertain his answers with a soft smile

other times he just shakes his head softly and curl up closer into him, to which you just smile softly and told him that you two didn’t have to say anything; basking in the silence of your shared home

tracing soft shapes on his back, he finds that it makes him relax faster and make him sleepy as well; curling up closer to you like a child as for once, he slowly starts to fall asleep

even though he tries to act indifferent about it, you know that this mission that itadori’s sudden death rocked him to the core. it might even knock down his ego a little at the idea that he can’t protect the young boy that he had started to grow on him - but you’re there to just hold him and remind him that sometimes you can’t save everyone, no matter how hard you try

NANAMI KENTO

imagine when you hear your boyfriend taking his shoes off at the genkan at your home, turning the corner just to see your boyfriend walking into your shared home in a bloodied shirt

“what happened?!” you gasped in shock as you put the basket of freshly done laundry done, rushing towards him and carefully running your fingers over the bandage

“work injury.” he said simply before catching your wrists in his hands, giving you a loving but soft smile before he presses a soft kiss against your knuckles. “i’m fine, darling. nothing i can’t handle.”

you’d frown in concern but nod softly, letting him go to the bathroom to take a quick shower, since he wanted to wash off all the work grime off of him

you’d try to return to your task at hand, but you were clearly distracted and worried out of your mind - which is why eventually he found you in the laundry room and helped you with the rest of the folding when he realised you’re overthinking again

he’d suggest you two to order something instead of cooking, knowing that it was an excuse for you to cuddle him on the couch while you two wait for the meal

you took up the offer, and after placing your order in you curled up in his arms and asked him about everything that happened; to which he just told you about mahito and about the battle truthfully

you’d be worried and start to fuss over him once more, causing him to smile softly at how cute you looked whenever he gets hurt - no matter how big or small the wound is

after a simple meal you might offer to give him a massage, knowing that he enjoys one after a long day of work - so you’d ask him to lay down on your shared bed whilst you straddled the back of his thighs, starting to massage the kinks out of his body

he’d sigh in relief, letting you work your magic on him; occasioanlly asking you to use more force, guiding you where he felt stiff at, and letting out a groan when you press down on the point just right

when you’re down you’d let him turn around before you cuddle into his chest, just soaking in his familiar warmth and scent whilst he holds you close

usually he’s the one reassuring you, since he knows you are worried about his safety every time his phone rings

soft kisses are pressed on every patch of skin that can be reached - it doesn’t lead to anything, but nanami always lets out soft sighs whenever you’d pepper his face in kisses

all in all, many times you’d be the one who needs reassurance, since you are always worried about his wellbeing after he decided to return to the jujutsu world. but he reassures you that he’s alright, and makes sure to show you that he is not going anywhere, anytime soon

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fallingsunflower · 3 years ago

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https://sunflowerdiscussion.tumblr.com/post/671031720712241152/it-wasnt-harrys-producer-who-said-the-album-was

It said that most of HS3 was written in quarantine. He wasn’t flying all over and doing promotion cuz it was, you know, during quarantine. A lot of musicians have written entire albums during lockdown because it could be their sole focus. I imagine it was the same for Harry. Fun fact for the shippers on this blog; post production on the album had already begun when he started filming for the flop of the year, that means all the songs had been written by that time as post production means the songs themselves are finished. But to the shipper community I say do keep trying to link the album to the leech. Like the leech herself, you all have been bending over backwards to try and link them together over every single thing, even straight up lying, and it’s entertaining as hell to have it all debunked by none other than Harry Styles, including his own family. Social media means nothing. Pap pics mean nothing. You know what can’t be faked in all this? BODY LANGUAGE and CHEMISTRY.

I’m dreading this album because shippers will be all over it

In regards to this

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fyeahbatcat · 4 years ago

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BatCat has been unnecessarily broken up AGAIN, in the comics. After 80 years, most Batman writers are still hesitant to allow Catwoman fully into the Batfamily, alongside Batman. As if there has to be a protective shield for Batman, in order to keep Catwoman away. What do you think it'll take, for DC to remove the BatCat time limit? Allowing for Bruce & Selina to have a more sustained relationship. Is it all on Tom King? Do you think Matt Reeves can make an impact, with his iteration of BatCat?

I really struggled with whether or not I should answer this, because there’s no way for me to be completely honest and give you the answer you were probably looking for. In any case my answer is below the cut, but be warned if you’re looking for words of comfort and solace they will not be found there. I’m just going to be very frank in a way that some may not like.

DC Comics and Tom King told us exactly who they are on July 1, 2018. At this point I’m really not sure what else you were expecting. Yes; I fell for it at the time. I drank the Kool-Aid. But if I didn’t know better back then I sure as hell know better now. Believe what the evidence is telling you; not what you want to be true. What is evidence says it that they’ve become so morally and creatively bankrupt that they’ve resorted to outright lying to their fans and screwing over small businesses to sell comic books.

This is going to sound very harsh but now is the time to start developing a sense of self preservation. DC Comics is not going to change. It doesn’t matter how passionate, supportive, loyal, patient, or forgiving you are. Those things have no value to them beyond their sales margins. There’s no sense in hoping that something is going to come along and inspire them to have a change of heart. DC Comics is a greedy corporation: they have no heart.

What do I think it’ll take for DC to make a long-term commitment to the relationship? Complete financial desperation. I’m talking Marvel-Going-Bankrupt-Couldn’t-Afford-to-Buy-Paper-in-the-90s desperate. That or, to a much, much lesser degree, a complete overhaul in leadership, editorial, and organizational structure. Neither or which I think are going to happen. Not soon anyway.

You have two options here. Number One:

When you stop expecting anything from them and then you’ll stop being disappointed. I know people who are some how able to just roll with the punches, and take the good with the bad. If you want to just be able to enjoy reading comics as much as you can you’re going to have to become one of those people. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There are bigger, far worse things happening in the world and if comics are your sense of calm in the storm and you’re able to manage your expectations, it’s worth it to continue reading. Just acknowledge that at this point we know what to expect from them and there’s no point in making a shocked Pikachu face every time they do exactly what they’ve been doing for the last 40 years.

Your other option is very simple: it’s time to divest from DC Comics completely. DC Comics is not going to change and they’re not going to eventually give you what you if you just hold out long enough. I had to learn this lesson the hard way, and I’m telling you this so you can make an informed decision on whether or not you want to spend the next ten years of your life being constantly let down like I did. They have no incentive to change. With that said, let me introduce you to what I call “DC Comics’ Cycle of Deception.”

This isn’t a fine science or anything but it usually looks a little something like this:

1. The Tease AKA “Fan-Baiting”

DC Comics/affiliates “announce” something that sounds new and exciting or game-changing by way of interviews, solicitations, events, social media posts, etc.

Examples:

“Catwoman will be the co-lead of Batman”

Lois Lane is the new Superwoman

Major character *death*

2. The Hype

DC begins to hype “new and exciting” event usually through increased variant covers, planned collector’s editions, tie-ins, merchandise. Sales/ pre-orders and fan engagement begin to increase. Creators engage in interviews with mainstream media outlets such as Entertainment Weekly

Examples:

Approx. 152,069 exclusive variant covers of Batman #50

Damian Wayne Requiem series

3. The Catch

When the time comes it is revealed that instead of delivering whatever new and exciting story was promised, DC Comics’ pulls the rug from underneath of fans. This is commonly in the form of a bait and switch or use of shock value.

Examples

Batman #50

Lois Lane dies in first issue of Superwoman

Character is revived from death after a few issues

Story is written off as AU or dream sequence and will have no impact on future stories

4. The Backlash

Fan express intense anger online. The backlash is sometimes reported in comic/pop culture news media.

5. The Decline

In the months following the backlash DC returns to the status quo. Readers lose interest in current books. DC Comics’ pre-order sales begin to decline. They increasingly lose market shares and are pushed out of top 10 pre-ordered titles by Marvel.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

The problem with fans is we keep getting caught up in steps one and two very easily. We (and this included me for a very long time) are constantly rewarding DC Comics by throwing our money at them every time they do the absolute bare minimum. All they have to do is trot out batcat every so often in the most non-committal way and we come running. Every. Single. Time.

They have absolutely no incentive to change, because we as fans have made it exceedingly easy for them to leech off of us. We can’t keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect different results.

If you’re really tired of DC and their bullshit and you’re ready to divest you’re going to have to stop subsidizing their scams until they’re ready to make a commitment. Full stop. That means no rushing out to buy the latest issue of Batman and Catwoman kissing on a rooftop or beach or whatever. Stop buying variant covers completely (DC and Marvel [but DC in particular] uses variant covers to artificially inflate their sale numbers. Don’t play this game). Don’t buy their bullshit Wedding Album or 80 Years of Batman and Catwoman, or whatever else worthless “collectible” hardcover they publish. Put the onus on them to earn your money. If you really feel that you must keep up with what’s happening with the characters, pirate that shit.

If and when a time ever comes that DC is ready to commit to change and commit to their stories (and actually commit; not just say they’re going to commit; make them prove it) then, and only then, should you consider giving them any more of your time, attention, or money.

I don’t say this to be mean or harsh or judgey. I’m saying this because you asked me what I think and I’ve been where you are. I used to think that if I was loyal enough and patient enough that eventually I would be rewarded with this big emotional payout. It never happened. I don’t want you to end up where I am. Trust me; it’s not fun on this side of jaded.

Maybe by sharing my brutal honesty about all that I’ve learned from my experiences it will save someone out there from years of constant frustration and heart-ache. At the very least you’ll know what you’re getting yourself into.

#ask #batcatguru #personal note

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linkfms · 4 years ago

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☠️ * what is up, party people ! i’m jojo ( she/her ), 23, and in the pst timezone. it’s been a while since i’ve been in a group so... pls bear with me. anyway, under the cut you’ll find more info on resident emo boy: link ! i’m so excited to write with u all, and, if u ever want to plot give this a lil’ like or send an im over @ yea right#4256 !

lincoln “link” seong was spotted in the fashion district adorning prada combat boots, with some airpod pros on. they’re most likely listening to when you were young by the killers. you may know them as @hyperlink or as that jeon jungkook lookalike. their twenty - fourth birthday just passed. while living in tribeca, they’ve gained a bit of a reputation. they’re known to be erratic but on the other hand vehement. wonder if they’ll be the next person to hit the headlines. ( cis male & he/him )

↳ THE BASICS: STATISTICS.

full name: seong hyunjae ( 성 현재 ) / lincoln seong.

nickname: link, and will probably only answer to link !

age & date of birth: 24 & november 21, 1996.

hometown: born in busan, south korea, but moved to jefferson, connecticut in 2006.

current location: tribeca, new york.

education: completed high school and attempted first semester of university, but decided to pursue music instead.

occupation: drummer for indie/alternative rock band, my time ( sound is similar to bands like the killers, the 1975, and paramore ). also is an affiliate with an esports organization ! doesn’t play competitively, but streams and creates content for them weekly.

sexual orientation: pansexual & panromantic.

gender & pronouns: cisgender male & he/him pronouns.

↳ THE BACKGROUND: BIOGRAPHY. ( tw: mentions of alcoholism & abuse )

seong hyunjae ( later given the english name lincoln seong... thanks linkin park ! ) was born in the heart of busan, south korea. his parents married at the age of 21, due to the cultural expectations of having a child born out of wedlock. while things seemed to be smooth sailing for a while, the couple realized the real struggles of adulthood. financial issues came into play. stress from working multiple jobs every single day took a toll on their mental health, as well as their relationship with each other. link’s mother began to develop an alcohol addiction, and her abusive behavior came following after. their home was falling apart, with four-year-old link falling asleep to muffled screaming and glass being thrown on the next room over. his father was able to withstand it for a while, but he drew the line after coming home from work to see large cuts on the side of his son’s thigh, and a bruise forming across his cheek. that was when he knew his wife was dangerous. so, one night when lincoln’s mother as at work, he packed his belongings, grabbed link, and left without looking back.

for a while, it was just the two of them. they found ways to make it work, and despite the fact that it was a constant struggle, his father never wanted link to lose his childhood. in fact, his father gave him everything he could give — but most importantly, as cheesy as it sounds, his unconditional love and support. as someone who lost his own parents young, he made sure that link would never feel like he’s being deprived of that, ever. they created this tight-knight bond because of that, which can’t ever be broken. and now, link’s fondest memories always involved spending time with his father. one favorite memory of his involved morning jam sessions after breakfast. link’s father was previously a lead guitarist in a garage band with a few of his high school friends, so while he was playing riffs on his electric guitar, eight-year-old link would be banging the coffee table with plastic straws.

when link was about ten, he and his father sold all of their belongings and moved all the way to jefferson, connecticut for a job offer that he couldn’t refuse. fast forward a few years, and he’s a teenager in high school. growing up link was more of an introvert, and would spend his time in the computer lab playing video games or browsing in online forums. he was a regular in this my chemical romance forum ( under the username @hyperlink ), and made a lot of his lifelong friends over there. one of his online friends jokingly suggested one afternoon that they should start a band over their nightly skype call, and while it was initially shrugged off as dream more than an arm’s reach away, my time was born. link had to endlessly plead his father to buy him a secondhand drum kit off of craigslist for christmas. but once he found it under their tree that year, it sparked this drive in him to learn and practice nonstop.

their first official band practice happened a day after link’s high school graduation ( which was also the first time everyone saw each other in person ! ), and they spent that entire summer making music. at first, link only thought of it as a hobby... since, he was attending his first year of university that fall. but after playing their first few shows and making all these memories, he couldn’t keep the band in the backburner. he dropped out not too long after to pursue his music career full-time. moved out, spent the next few months working long shifts at the local amusement park, and shared one two-bedroom apartment with his bandmates. one of their songs went viral one crazy night, and the next thing they knew, they were being signed into a record label. now ? they’re one of the biggest alternative/indie rock bands out there with multiple platinum records, sold out world tours, and millions of streams each year. their time finally came.

↳ THE INSIDE LOOK: PERSONALITY.

link definitely... gets babied a lot ( by his bandmates and his fans ), and he uses that to his advantage :] because of that he gets away with a lot of things, but it’s usually with things that are small like eating the last slice of pizza and it would be justified with “ no he is a growing BOY he NEEDS it ! ”

that being said, he eats nonstop. the guy carries a sandwich bag full of cheerios wherever he goes. his friends know that if they can’t finish eating something, they can always donate it to link for a good cause.

when my chemical romance announced their reunion tour in 2019, he threw his phone across the room and cried. my chemical romance ( with green day and linkin park as a close second ! ) are his all-time favorite bands, and a lot of my time’s sound is heavily inspired by them.

when i tell u that this man is so chill, i mean it. like things could LITERALLY be on fire and he’d be like “ just throw some water on it it’ll be fine 😎 ” ... he’s not the type to worry about things, and is more of a go with the flow type of person. he doesn’t even need to be zooted to be like this. KJFGDG

being in the band and a part of the entertainment industry caused a small shift in his personality. maybe he just blossomed ? who knows ! but because he’s been exposed to the rockstar life, he was able to open up more. he’s always seeking thrills, big or small, and won’t have the time to think about the consequences for his actions.

because the my chemical romance forum that was once his second home shut down, he’s since moved on to reddit. social media isn’t really his thing ( and his fans always get mad at him for posting a selfie once a month then dipping ), but catch him on subreddits making comments or starting fights for the sheer entertainment of proving someone wrong.

this might sound bad but... he still can’t wrap his head around the fact that he isn’t ? financially struggling anymore ? even if he’s already bought a house and two luxury cars for his dad, he still gets ticked off if he sees something small like an APPLE that is marked a dollar and a few cents over the usual. he catches himself using things until they’re ABSOLUTELY worn out, and still leeches off of his bandmates/friends when he can. <3 also, if something is broken, he’ll be the type to figure it out and fix it himself.

people... don’t exactly remember the last time he’s slept. it could be the insomnia ( it’s definitely insomnia, thx childhood trauma ! ) but it’s almost gotten to the point where he’s afraid to fall asleep on his own. he’ll always try to find ways to sleep in someone’s company, even if it’s just him crashing on a couch while someone is watching tv right there. if he’s alone though, he’ll always try to find ways to distract himself like stream for 10 hours straight.

speaking of trauma... he’s also scared of relationships. after witnessing the way his mother treated his father, he’s cautious of history repeating itself... but with him. so whenever he catches himself even falling for just a little, he dips.

his life revolves around the 4 m’s: marvel movies, minecraft, music, and my chemical romance. that’s it.

a link 😏 to his pinterest ! also, i don’t have any wcs, but if we plot, i promise i’ll use my big brain to brainstorm something with u. <3

#wealthyhq:intro #the way i spent too much time writing this.................

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britesparc · 4 years ago

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Weekend Top Ten #469

Top Ten Crazy WandaVision Theories

So all the while I was watching The Mandalorian I kept thinking, blimey, they’ve nailed this. There’s an oft-repeated problem with modern serial dramas, which is that they tend to tread water a little bit; despite being shorn of the network requirement of episodes being a certain length, or having a certain number of episodes in a season, there’s this in-built compulsion to make about a dozen 45-minute episodes. This is what scuppered the Marvel Netflix series in particular; there simply wasn’t enough story to cover the seasons, and as a result there was a lot of treading of water. This has also affected the recent Star Trek shows, although Discovery does show signs of pulling out of this “twelve-hour movie” mindset. Mando totally transcends this in a superlative way: each episode is basically an “adventure of the week” type thing (Mando versus spiders, Mando goes to the fish planet, Mando meets a Jedi, etc). But each episode also builds on the arc; he’s always on the same quest, and everything he does week by week furthers this quest. As much as I was looking forward to WandaVision, I kept reminding myself, there’s no way they can do this; no way these two shows – my most-anticipated shows from two of my most-beloved franchises – can hit the bar so successfully, back-to-back.

Well.

I’m not sure if WandaVision is quite the overall triumph The Mandalorian is, but they’re both pretty tremendous achievements in slightly different ways. Wanda manages to tell a rather unsettling story in the MCU whilst also doing a terrific job of parodying sitcom tropes; it works on a meta level as well as a practical one. Also, as far as puzzle-box type programmes go, this one has been doing an excellent job; week by week, you’re further intrigued by what’s going on in Westview; what’s real? Who’s behind it? is Vision still dead? Will Darcy get her own show? It’s a fantastic exercise in drip-feeding information, maintaining a degree of unease and suspense, and offering a compelling mystery. Will they keep it up until the end? I’ve no idea; the reveal at the end of episode seven wasn’t quite a jaw-on-the-floor moment but it was exquisitely done, with a theme song and everything. Even if the most obvious predictions end up being true and the finale becomes a relatively straightforward goodies-versus-baddies barney, I’ve got faith in everyone involved to at least give us something utterly compelling and thoroughly entertaining.

But what if there really is at least one huge surprise left up the show’s vibranium sleeve? Certainly, the reveal of Evan Peters as Pietro Maximoff – being, visually if not in character at least, the Fox/X-Men universe version of Wanda’s brother, rather than the Adam Taylor-Johnson version we knew from Age of Ultron – was a hell of a moment, seemingly bridging the gap between the MCU as we knew it and the previously Fox-controlled properties. Since then, there’s been this bubbling rumour (which I’ve tried not to read too much into by literally not reading too much; this is something I’ve divined from headlines or stray tweets, because I want to keep forging my way through WandaVision without a map) that there is another epic cameo approaching, on the level of Luke Skywalker popping up in the finale of The Mandalorian. That moment was something of a surprise, even though I had it rather spoiled by Twitter; despite muting as many words as possible to do with the show, “Luke Skywalker” still popped up in trending topics. I’ve learned my lesson, and I essentially forgo any social media (and a lot of other sites too) until I’ve seen the most recent episode. Anyway, what if this is true; what if there’s another character or moment that will rock the Marvel world to an even greater extent than The Other Pietro? If we’d be as surprised and delighted by something as much as we were by Luke making short work of those Dark Troopers? With this in mind, and being aware of the encroaching WandaVision finale, here are some predictions. What could happen? Who could we see? Which long-dormant plot thread will get resurrected? Read on to find out! And – spoiler warning – this has been revisited following the most recent episode; we are officially in the endgame now.

And I’m sure all of these are realistic and serious suggestions.

I Am Your Father: We have actually met Wanda’s parents at last; ordinary decent Sarkovian folk, it seems. But from where did her nascent witchy powers appear? What if, in a shocking last-minute twist, we discover her real father, and he’s played by… Ian McKellen! It was Eric all along!

SWORD versus Skrulls: a post-credit sting will reveal that – shock! – Tyler Hayward is, in fact, a SKRULL! Yes, finally, the shape-shifting buggers will get to be the baddies from the comics, as an up-to-no-good splinter faction of the beleaguered race makes its presence felt on the MCU, having successfully infiltrated world governments over the past thirty years. This will set up Samuel L. Jackson’s Secret Invasion series.

The Ultron of it All: there have been more mentions of Ultron in WandaVision than in any MCU property since, well, Age of Ultron. And now we have a custom-built all-white model of Vision, big as life and twice as creepy. What if – what if – shorn of his own psyche (his own soul?) and without an Infinity Stone to keep him upright, there remains in the hardware some remnant of everyone’s favourite sarky, genocidal mechanoid? Ultron returns! Screw you, planet Earth!

The Sorcerer Supreme is Not Happy: we know magic exists in the MCU because of Doctor Strange, so seeing Agatha and her family get their Hocus Pocus on in old Salem wasn’t too much of a surprise. But isn’t the Sorcerer Supreme supposed to keep an eye on magic use in the multiverse? I was half expecting Tilda Swinton to pop up in the flashback and bind Agatha with the Crimson Bands of Cyttorak. But now, with all the chaos magic Wanda is using in Westview, coupled with Agatha’s own spelling bee? Surely this has drawn the attention of somebody? Anybody? I mean, New York isn’t that far from Jersey, especially if you’ve got a sling ring, y’know?

No More Avengers: so Benedict Cumberbatch popping up wouldn’t be that much of a surprise (especially as Wanda is in the next Doctor Strange movie) but even if he’s not on Magic Police duty, wouldn’t an enhanced situation of this size draw the attention of one of the Avengers? Except – shock horror! – there are no Avengers! In a revelation that will set up the status quo of Falcon and the Winter Soldier, since the events of Endgame the Avengers literally don’t exist. So who will unite to save the world, not just from Wanda or Agatha, but also from the likes of SWORD? Well, right now, no one; but maybe that’ll change when the real villains appear…

No More Mutants: in the “House of M” storyline, Wanda very famously said “no more mutants” and it was so (more or less). Mutants don’t (seem to) exist in the MCU. But what if, at one point, they did? I don’t think this could have been Wanda’s doing, but what if in the past someone else had used magic to de-power/de-mutify the existing mutant population of Earth, and – basically – made everyone forget about it? And in the climax of WandaVision, well, “no more” is undone and – boom! – X-genes abound. This could even maybe set up some events in The Eternals, who I believe have some history with mutants in the comics (I’m really not very well-versed in Eternals lore)

Soul Stealer: so Wanda’s the Scarlet Witch, and a chaos magician, and super-enhanced courtesy of an Infinity Stone, but still: how did she create not one but three super-powered lifeforms? Where did they come from? Did she steal their souls? Is she leeching her own life-force to maintain them? I think we’ll discover a bit more about her powers and reveal that she’s drawing energy mutliversally, maybe from the Dark Dimension – maybe from Mephisto? I’d actually put money on Mephisto not showing up at all, despite his comic book connections to Agatha and Wanda.

Multiversal Madness: why that Pietro? He’s just a fake, just an automaton – right? But he’s still out and about spooking Monica whilst Agatha’s dealing with Wanda… yeah? And he looks like another Pietro from another universe (even if he doesn’t act like that). So… why? And who? I really, really think there’s some kind of multiversal craziness going on here, some force beyond Wanda (and Agatha!). Maybe it’s to do with Wanda pulling power from across the multiverse, maybe it’s… something else. Maybe we’ll get cameos from Lou Ferringo, Bruce Campbell, Spider-Ham and ROM the Space Knight. Hey, don’t forget: Transformers was a Marvel comic once! And they do have a Chaos-Bringer…

Wanda Did It: one of the prevailing theories/queries about WandaVision has been who’s behind it all. Wanda’s not powerful enough (or villainous enough), so who exactly did create TV Westview? Who brought Vision back, gave Wanda her sons? Well, the latest ep sure seemed to show that it really was Wanda All Along. The explanation being that she’s “the Scarlet Witch”, a presumably hella-powerful sorcerer and also (let’s not forget) imbued with Infinity Stoniness. But is she on her own really that strong, and would she – even in her despair – alter so many minds? What if there’s another Wanda, a Wanda prepared to go all-out, a Wanda who – after losing everything on her Earth is trying to recreate it by pooling her powers will another Wanda? An alternate universe, more damaged, more villainous Wanda – a Wanda who’s already said “no more mutants”, maybe; maybe even the Wanda from the Fox X-Men films (who AFAIK we’ve only seen as a little girl in her brother’s arms). That’s why Pietro looks like that, because she’s trying to rebuild her own life using the powers of this other Wanda. Two Wandas; two Witches. Dukin’ it out. And who can come to save the day, but the X-Men?

We’re All Doomed: giving credit to my brother for pointing me in this direction when he said “if there’s a big bad in WandaVision it either has to be someone very good at magic or very good at science”. Or… both? Think about it. Which character, if they cameoed in an MCU property, could possibly generate as much excitement as Luke Skywalker in The Mandalorian? No actor from the MCU; not even Downey. From another Marvel property? We’ve had a Fox actor already and with the rumours about Spider-Man: No Way Home, whether we saw Hugh Jackman or Tobey Maguire, I think that would be exciting but not as exciting. So I think it’s a character, not an actor. A character big and exciting enough to make us all squee. And which character from Marvel has never been seen in the MCU, is not necessarily expected any time soon, is very good at magic and very good at science? One. I’d say only one. Bring it on.

This actually became a lot more sensible than I’d intended! I was gonna go all-out, rolling in Muppet Babies, MODOK, HERBIE, the Phoenix Force, and basically the entire Patton Oswalt speech from Parks and Recreation. And whilst I think virtually none of these will (or should?!) happen, just imagine… man, I can’t believe we have to wait a week!

#top ten #wanda #vision #mcu #wandavision #wandavision spoilers #movies #tv #comics #magic

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raindropmaster · 6 years ago

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bente cinco

On life and happiness:

Being in a good place is a constant choice. Seeking happiness, maintaining mental health and finding comfort in contentment are major challenges.

Now that I’m 25, I realized how everything is passing by. We only have less than a century to live, and we have to live it well. Looking back at my previous social media posts, I was in a bad place 4-8 years ago, and getting out of it took me years. I had to discover myself; what makes me happy, what I’m willing to risk and what I’m afraid of losing. Turning 25, things started to slow down. Turning 25, actively making a choice to get out of loneliness is starting to pay off.

It is not selfish to guard your own sanity, protect your own emotional welfare and make decisions that may not be agreeable to most. This is life; all of its compromises and conflicts; consensus and contrasts. We are defined by the choices we make, but we make choices every single day. And by extension, our definition of ourselves evolves.

When I grow older, should I be privileged to grow older, I’d like to bask in layers of emotions filled with nostalgic memories and indescribable experiences. As early as now, I’d like to collect more stories. More adventures. More investments.

And as time passes by, more and more temporary people passes by too. Some cannot keep up, some are not into what you’re at, and some simply drifted apart. Staying in one’s life is also a constant choice. Not everything can be made for us. I used to leech on the happiness of my friends, specially whenever we travel, drink the night away or listen to new music. But it never lasted. I go home feeling empty and unsatisfied of my life. Now that I’m slowly turning my gears, I can feel that I’m lighter. I know my passion and though I haven’t had the 100% courage to nurture it, I’m no longer denying it. I’m choosing what makes me, me and I’m letting go of things (and people), who just can’t fit.

Our life is too short to entertain people who will eventually drag us down. We can only help to a certain extent. Their misery is their battle. We help them win it, but not win it for them. And their battle should never make a causality out of you.

On travels and adventures:

Before, I said I’d finish roaming places I’m interested in Asia by 25. Looks like I’m gonna fail there a bit. But it’s okay, for the next coming months, I plan to have more mixture of local and international travels. As I’ve reiterated before, it fuels me. Seeing how different things are and how some culture merges are spiritual experiences to me. And I wish to take these small snapshots of what I’ve learned to those who are constrained by money and time to travel as they please.

As per writing, I have been to USA, HongKong, Singapore, Vietnam, Malaysia, Indonesia, Taiwan, South Korea and Cambodia. Before 2019 ends, I wish to visit China, Thailand, Myanmar, Laos and Japan. Before 30, I’d love to have reached Spain, Turkey, Nepal, Iceland, Egypt and the Caribbean.

Having a friend for each country (aside from having a ref magnet haha), is truly one of my goals. Being a global citizen may not require an actual visit of their place, but it helps me immerse myself and learn where they are coming from. Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong century. The era of discovering new worlds and unlocking the past fires me up. But still, now it’s more convenient to actually go to places you’ve read and study than just imagining them.

On career and profession:

I’m happy with what I’m doing. But I acknowledge the law of diminishing utility. As early as now, I’m vaguely mapping out where to go. And now that I’m coming more into terms of what I truly want in life, it’s actually exciting and scary at the same time. I want to be more involved in the arts and academe. And I wish to run my own thing to. It’s a life long dream of mine to own a hotel or hostel or apartment anyway. I think it’s interesting how to make it there. Who knows, maybe I can figure out a way to merge these stuff.

On love:

I’m not settling for less. And I’m not stating this on a moral high ground. I’m so flawed you have to date me for a year to actually get a feel if you like me as a person or not. But again, turning 25, there’s a realization that things should not be forced. That if we always fight for our place in someone else’s life, then perhaps we don’t really belong there anyway. I want my partner to have a pace I can relate to. A mind I can borrow and a shoulder I can lean on. I don’t want extra baggages that simply consumes. And I wouldn’t want someone to just carry mine! There’s art in compromise and there’s love in conflict.

#raindropmaster #2018 #life #love #travel

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eldritchsurveys · 6 years ago

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o81.

[[ Random Survey Questions // By @x-hallie-x ]] 1. When was the last time you realized something about yourself, your abilities, or your financial situation that left you feeling disappointed? >> I’m not sure. I feel like I’ve got a pretty solid perception of my financial situation, and considering it’s the best it’s been since I’ve hit adulthood, I can’t imagine being too disappointed (except when new video games come out lmao but half the time I buy them anyway because... like, I can, for once, and my brain goblins can’t prevent me from treating myself forever!). As far as my mental state is concerned, Can Calah won’t let me beat myself up about that, so entertaining any sort of disappointment in myself is out of the question.

2. Generally, are you more likely to blame others or yourself for problems you experience? >> Generally, I’m more likely to blame myself than others. But I don’t think that’s any better than blaming others. I am as much a product of my environment and the other people in my life as I am a product of whatever wild magical shit happens to make brains the way they are. I can control what I can control, but a lot of things about my life are out of my control. Finding things to place blame on really just doesn’t help me fix things, so I don’t care who’s to blame, I care how it can be fixed/helped.

3. What is one thing about your life that you don’t ever see changing, even if you might wish it would? >> I probably will never be a person that is gainfully employed or self-sufficient. And, honestly, that would hurt me more if I didn’t have someone who is gainfully employed and self-sufficient who is willing to use that for both of our benefit. I was basically convinced that everyone in this country is out for whatever they can get for themselves, and if I can’t keep up with that, then I’m not worth keeping around. I’d been convinced that people saw me as a leech who just existed to suck up all their resources, and had nothing of value to offer in return. It’s a very insidious mentality to have absorbed, but the longer I’m here, the less power it has over me, so I guess I do have her to thank for that.

4. At what point in your life have you been the most social or had the most friendships? And at which point have you been the least social? >> I guess when I lived in NYC, in general. I had a couple of persistent social circles: the Streetwork LES crew (homeless/destitute youth who went to the drop-in center on the Lower East Side called Streetwork), and the vamp scene crew (self-styled “vampyres” who participated in a big underground subculture, subdivided themselves into Houses and Clans, and threw a lot of parties). Most of those people weren’t what I’d call my friends, per se -- we were very friendly, sure, and I had a lot of good times with them, but most of those people didn’t really measure up to what I’d want out of friendship (and the rest were just casual acquaintances). I guess now is when I’ve been the least social; I know almost no one out here and the people I do know are really just... friendly acquaintances, I guess? Social-media buddies? We don’t really know things about each other, you know, like friends do... I don’t know. At this age, I don’t know how friendships form and I don’t know how to find out. The Internet is where my friends are now and I guess that’s just the way it has to be until I figure out something else (or until I move to a less socially-uptight area).

5. Do you prefer to have a few close friends or a bunch of random acquaintances? Which would describe what you have now? >> I’d like to have a mix of both. I just like to have people to be social with, in a variety of ways. Like I had in New York... Right now, I don’t know what I have. I’m kinda off this subject because it depresses me, ngl, no offence to anyone.

6. Do you journal? Generally, what do you write about? Do you find it helpful to get your thoughts out that way, or do you prefer another form of self-expression? >> I used to journal. I used to be really into journalling. But I guess, instead of trying to stick to the same practices I used to do, maybe I ought to recognise that my instinct to journal has been diverted into other forms of media -- like keeping a tumblr, and taking surveys. These all exist as records of my life -- as proof that I was here, that I existed, that these things happened to me. The internet enables me to keep a multimedia record of my existence, and that’s actually more than I could expect from just one paper journal, or whatever. Journalling (on various journal sites especially) was indeed a helpful way for me to get my thoughts out, but I guess now I just talk to Can Calah instead. I think I got put off writing my thoughts down because my instinct is to keep stuff like that public, because it’s all me and I am an open book, but then people (not just one person, either, this is just a thing people do in general, and I guess it’s understandable but oh my god) would get upset about stuff later and it’d just get messy. So I got put off being emotional on the internet because it backfired on me a lot lmao. I’m working on getting over it.

7. Do you like eating foods that other people have cooked for you, or do you prefer to have control over your meals? >> I do like eating food that other people have cooked for me -- as long as it’s food I like. And as long as it isn’t like... some kind of social trap. Like, I was annoyed with Sparrow’s mother for a few months because she wasn’t respecting my boundaries and always had some stupid shit to say about me to Sparrow and I don’t play that fucking shit. So I basically stopped being nice to her. And she kept trying to do stuff like... like Easter dinner, she made it “Southern-style” and made collards and banana pudding and shit. And like, this is a Midwestern White(tm) we’re talking about. That’s not the kind of stuff she naturally makes for any occasion. And she told Sparrow that she’d asked around (I guess at her job??? or something?) about what Black people eat on holidays??? And Sparrow’s like “but you could have just asked Logan if there was any dishes he wanted to be served”. Like, it’s not fucking rocket science, I’m right here. But she’ll always do shit like that, trying to ingratiate herself, when it’s not that fucking hard!!!! Don’t touch me, don’t talk about me to my fiancée behind my back, and ask me things directly!!!! WOW! SO HARD! (Also, the banana pudding was a fucking miss because bananas are one of like 3 foods on this entire planet that I don’t like. Which... she would have known... if she’d asked me first. But no, it was just all “oh I did this, I did that, he’s not grateful” bitch I DIDN’T ASK FOR ANY OF THIS. STOP IT.) Anyway, shit like that I hate. But people making food for me in general is great, because I hate cooking.

8. Have you ever been somewhere and REALLY didnt like a food that you were expected to eat? How did you deal with this? Are you someone who is likely to suck it up and be polite or refuse and save your taste buds? >> Yeah, that same Easter holiday I just mentioned. The collards were terrible, the fish was meh, and everything else was food I don’t care for (cheesy potatoes and that kinda starch-heavy fare). So I basically drank wine and played on my phone the whole time. As you can see, politeness is not something I feel compelled to give if I don’t want to.

9. What is one way in which you compare yourself to others? In this comparison, do you regard yourself as better or worse off than the people to whom you usually do the comparing? >> Well, I compare myself to other fanwriters a lot, because it’s something I can’t help. I don’t think I’m a bad writer. I’ve been writing literally all of my conscious life, and I’ve watched myself progress. I’m generally pretty fair about my strengths and weaknesses in writing. When my confidence is where it’s supposed to be, and I’ve been writing often, I turn out some pretty good shit. I like my work. But my confidence took a big hit at some point lately, and I’m not sure why. All I know is that I feel like my offerings to fandom are like... boring to people, or not interesting enough, or??? I don’t know. And I feel like I don’t have any stories worth telling anymore. These are all feelings and really not based in any sort of reality, because my friends and partner tell me they like my work and my OCs, and tumblr as a whole is so astoundingly saturated with fanwork that the lack of interest most likely has nothing to do with my content and more to do with the fact that the market is full up and people don’t have time. I know all that, but when I sit down and go “okay, self, let’s write a fic”, all these mental blocks land in my path and I get too tired to deal with it and just scroll my dash instead. I don’t know what to do, but I guess I’ll just truck along until something in me changes. :/

10. What is something you’ve been particularly grateful for lately? >> That while my thanatophobia is nowhere near fixed, it’s been a little quieter lately. I’ve been able to sleep, and being able to sleep makes a lot of other things more manageable by default, so it’s like an ouroboros (in this case, a good one; but when I can’t sleep then it becomes a terrible one, lol). I’m using the lull to try to install some better programming, some less spiral-y thought patterns, that sort of thing. I don’t know if it’s helping, but I’ve literally got more to gain than I stand to lose, so.

11. What kind of change or opportunity would be the biggest help in your life right now? >> A therapist. But... like, one I feel like I can build a relationship with, not one who I dread seeing (which has been every therapist I’ve ever had). But like, besides just the benefit to my mental health... the clock is really ticking; recertification for SSI will most likely be happening within the next year and I have no psych team. How will they know how to judge my case if I’m not in any kind of treatment? That’s how people end up cut off. :T

12. Is there one emotion that you experience more often than any other? Is there an emotion you rarely ever experience? >> I experience amusement most often, probably. If that’s an emotion. An emotion I rarely experience is... shame? Most likely.

13. How mature would you say you are? What qualities do you think make a person mature? >> I don’t know how to gauge maturity, least of all my own. What is my basis for comparison? Adulthood as it is in modern USian society is a crock, most of the time -- the way people understand it is all kinds of flawed. What are our passage rites? Who are our elders? Where do we learn how to be a productive member of our community (and not just a cog in the capitalist machine)? The people we look up to are often no better off than we are. Individualism as a social standard (as opposed to the understanding of oneself as an individual) and the division of the community structure has ruined our ability to understand ourselves in relation to other people properly. What is maturity, in a society like this? What is my role in my society, and how well am I fulfilling it? What have I learned about life, and how much of it is truly worth knowing and passing on? Questions, questions, questions.

14. When was the last time you believed there might be something seriously medically wrong with you? What was the ultimate diagnosis? >> I mean, I always think my body’s about to fall apart, even though I’m aware that’s illogical and just a byproduct of thanatophobia. I don’t think I’ve ever thought anything was seriously medically wrong with me, because generally nothing is.

15. What is one illness you are afraid of having? Do you know anyone who has faced this illness? >> Anything that involves degeneration of the brain (Alzheimer’s and the sort). And no, I don’t know anyone personally with anything like that.

16. How do you tend to behave when you’re sick? What kinds of things do you like people to do for you, if anything, to help you feel better? >> I’m so rarely ill that I’m not even sure, lmao. I think it’d depend on what kind of sick I am, because different illnesses require different methods of care.

17. If you’re someone who rarely eats breakfast, is there a reason for this? If you do usually eat breakfast, are there any other meals you avoid or skip for any reason, and why so? >> I mean, I eat when I’m hungry, and I don’t care what the time of day is (as long as it’s not too close to bedtime). So I don’t really label my meals using “breakfast”, “lunch”, and so on.

18. When was the last time you did something you were proud of? Were other people proud of you as well? Does it matter to you whether or not other people care about your accomplishments, or is your own satisfaction enough? >> Probably finishing some questline in a video game. And no, I mean, I didn’t really tell anyone or anything. It’s not really an important thing. Woo, big deal, video games, who cares.

19. What is your least favorite thing about the season you’re currently experiencing? Are you okay with most types of weather, or are you only happy under certain conditions? >> I don’t like sweating or feeling lethargic because of heat / humidity. I’m usually okay with most types of weather as long as they’re not extreme, but if there are long stretches of cloudy / rainy days I feel pretty diminished and gloomy-doomy.

20. Have you made any changes to your style or “look” lately? How often do you change your appearance, hairstyle, fashion, etc? Or is it a pretty constant thing? >> No, not really. I don’t know what to change. My executive function when it comes to appearance is like... in negative integers. I just... I lost the knack for it. Whatever.

21. What are some things you do to feel pampered? >> I’m not sure I ever feel pampered, lmao. I tried to think about it and I just got this tangled ball of wires regarding like, stuff I can’t even explain quickly, so I’m just gonna move on.

22. What was the last thing you felt hopeful about? Do you think there’s a good chance of whatever-it-is working out in your favor, or not so much? >> Well, the last thing I felt hopeful about was getting out to see The Equalizer 2 today, and then the whole debit card thing happened, so I actually had my hopes dashed. And all because I did what I was supposed to do! But doing what I was supposed to do means that now I have to wait for a new debit card, which means I can’t go to the movies today (I can’t get to the bank and just get cash, which is what the lady on the phone said to do! I don’t fucking drive!!!). So, you know. Right now I’m just focusing on salvaging my day and my mood.

23. In what ways are you prone to black and white thinking? In what ways do you see more in terms of color or gray? >> I don’t know, I’m mostly a grey person by necessity or by design or whatever. Sometimes I’ll think “I’m a complete fucking idiot” because I did one dumb thing, or something, but like... it’s just because I’m upset about the one thing and can’t properly process that one thing at the moment without like, making a mountain out of it. That’s why I just try to distract myself until the feeling passes, because that’s the only way to get my brain to move on.

24. Are there types of people you will simply never understand (not necessarily ~empathize with) no matter how hard you might try? Are there people you seem to understand almost immediately? >> Well, yeah, definitely. I mean, I can’t possibly understand everyone. I don’t expect myself to, either. I guess I understand people who are like me? Like, that’s logical, right? I don’t know.

25. When was the last time you tried something you’ve never tried before? How likely are you to break from your routine and try new things? >> The only thing I can think of recently is playing Journey, because I’d never played that before. I don’t know how often I try new things, especially since a lot of “trying new things” involves either money I don’t have or access I don’t have.

26. Have you ever “recovered” from anything? What does “recovery” mean or look like to you? >> I don’t think so. I think mental recovery is a long-term shifting of paradigms and changing of perspective that can only be truly comprehended in retrospect. I think in that respect, I’ll be recovering for a long time. This is why I prefer the small-scale focus rather than the wide-scale focus, because using the wide-scale focus too much makes everything feel bleak and futile -- we may have a more complex consciousness and a more complex understanding of time and space, but I think exercising that cosmic viewpoint frequently can be really taxing on the brain (which manifests in things like existential despair, thanatophobia, etc). So instead of thinking about “recovery”, I think about being good to myself today. And that’s that.

27. What are some ways your childhood differed from those of others around you? Do you think this difference was harmful or advantageous in the long run? >> Hm. I was raised as a ��gifted child” with all the ridiculous bullshit that entailed. I was sheltered to an absurd degree for a modern child (like, I didn’t watch cartoons and didn’t know what actual video games [as opposed to computer games] were until I was almost an adult). I didn’t make my first friend until sixth grade, and I was so socially undeveloped that I ended up losing her before the year was out. I didn’t know how to talk to people, I was sullen and withdrawn, I lived in my headspace and didn’t bother with the actual world around me. My curiosity as a child was severely blunted by alienation (I guess I’m making up for that lack of curiosity now, huh). I was pretty obviously not a normal child, but no one could see that?? Or didn’t care?? As long as I got good grades and didn’t cut up in class, no one cared about my development, I guess. I think the nature of my childhood didn’t do me any favours, but I also think that I’ve done the best I could with what I had (which wasn’t much). I eventually had to teach myself socialisation by observation, for example, and I think I did a decent enough job. I can’t blame my parent and the adults around him for my stunted development forever. Now it’s my responsibility.

28. What is one thing you are really good at compared to most people? What about one thing you are really bad at compared to others? >> I really don’t know how to determine this. I think it’s too easy to judge oneself unfairly in comparison to other people, so I try not to do it on purpose, you dig.

29. Do you think people are “all good” or “all bad”? What would make someone qualify as “bad” or “good” to you, or do you simply not think in those terms? >> No, I don’t think that. I don’t even think of people in terms of “bad” or “good”, unless we’re literally playing a Fable game where you have an actual “good/evil” meter. Even then, I’ve spent most of my time in that fandom unpacking that stupid fucking spectrum and writing the characters with the nuance they deserve. So, you know. I’m pretty sick of good/evil or good/bad as a whole. People are people, and that’s that on that.

30. When was the last time you did something out in nature? Do you notice a dip in your mood when you don’t get enough of the Great Outdoors? >> I guess that’d be on the Fourth, when we went to Creekside Park to eat lunch. I... really don’t spend a whole lot of time outside anymore, and I think it’s directly related to how much I don’t like where I live. I’ve tried on many occasions to be more enthusiastic about something, anything, about Grand Rapids, Michigan, and I really fucking can’t. I can’t do it. And I’m tired of trying to make myself do it. So now I just don’t do shit. Which isn’t any better, I know. I’m just trying to make do, here.

#surveys #survey #random survey

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optomstudies · 7 years ago

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Hello, it’s optomstudies here with a multi-part masterpost with study tips to make you fluent in any language! These will work at any level, whether you’re just starting out or are an advanced learner!

READING SKILLS

When you first start learning, a little bit of reading nets you a lot of new knowledge. Everything is a new experience to you, and you can get to a cursory level using the apps and resources which are readily available. Once you get to the point where every new paragraph doesn’t give you something new to learn, you’ll need to be reading and listening a lot more in your target language. Immerse yourself in popular media in your target language - music, books, dramas, movies, podcasts, etc.

I would suggest not only speaking to native speakers (in a native context if possible) to develop ease and fluency, but also reading classic literature in your target language. A lot of words used for speaking are the more common ones, whereas written language will have more extensive vocabulary available for you to read. There are still situations where I learn a word or two in a 50K story that’s written in English, and I have native English proficiency.

It’s best to find a story which has a lot of descriptive language. The words that I find I’m learning the most are obscure adjectives and non-traditional or abstract descriptors.

Poems are also great for artistic expression as well as symbolic and culturally-imbued vernacular.

If classical literature is still a little bit out of your reach, I would suggest finding texts which are typically prescribed for high school students for literature classes. This is equivalent to young adult literature, which is a fairly accessible route for intermediate-advanced language learners.

Reading Intensively vs. Reading Extensively

When you are reading, you can either read extensively or intensely. Extensively means reading without stopping to look up unknown grammatical structures and vocabulary. Intensively means reading each sentence carefully and looking up words/grammar structures as you go. Do both.

If you are reading extensively - write down the word, but also jot down what you think it means from the context - this trains your actual language learning skills (not only your knowledge about one language) because it teaches you to make a hypothesis based on what you know and to extrapolate meaning based on context - a critical skill in any language. Check it up once you have finished learning whether you were correct, and each time, you’ll get a little better at it!

If you are reading intensively, then focus on the syntax and order of words as well as the new grammar structures. You want to pick up on how a native would write certain sentences. Even in English, there’s many ways to write a sentence with the same meaning, even though there’s a general order of Subject-Verb-Object, there’s varying ways to place adverbs and adjectives so that the meaning of the sentence changes a little.

WRITING SKILLS

Put all your new words into use by using them in your study journal. Try and write a mini-story or diary-entry (anything really) that uses these new words, making sure that you have the correct nuance.

Better yet, Lang-8 is a website where you write journal entries in your target language and have them corrected by native speakers!

Find a pen-pal! Without living in the country, what better way is there to learn, than to communicate with a native speaker using more than simple conversation. A letter or email allows you to get cohesive thoughts out in a comfortable way. It’s best if you and your penpal agree to write out the email/letter in both languages - if there are any mistakes, there’s a reference to the original meaning.

International PenPal

Conversation Exchange

InterPals

Global Penfriends

Expand Your Vocabulary: Part 1 (Link) Speaking and Listening Skills: Part 3 (Link)

MY STUDY TIPS AND LANGBLR POSTS

How to Format Language Study Notes

BTS: 봄날 (Spring Day), Outro: Wings, Blood, Sweat and Tears, Not Today, Run

SM Entertainment: Rookie - Red Velvet, I Got Love - Taeyeon

Requests: 예뻤어 (You Were Beautiful) - Day6, A Lie - B1A4, Don’t Recall - K.A.R.D

Other Artists: Rain - Soyou x Baekhyun, TT - Twice

My study tips directory (web only) for the full list (over 60+ original posts/guides!)

NOVEMBER STUDY TIPS

27/11 How to Be Fluent in Languages Masterpost 2 📰 26/11 Thinking about Stress 1 and 2 23/11 Motivation to Make You Study! 🏃 22/11 How to Be Fluent in Languages Masterpost 1 🙊 20/11 Advice: Art School vs. College 🎨 19/11 Exam Study Tips 💯 15/11 Digital Organisation System 💻 14/11 Library Adventures! 📚 11/11 Budgeting for Students 🏦 10/11 How to Deal with Leeches 🐛 08/11 Extra-Curriculars Tips 🤹 07/11 More Handwriting Tips ✍️ 07/11 APUSH Masterpost 🤠 06/11 Memorising Tips 💭 06/11 How Your ATAR is Calculated Infographic 💯 04/11 Reading a Scientific Journal Article 📜 02/11 Tips: Tackling Assignments while Sick 🤒

UNIVERSITY STUDY TIPS SERIES

Part 0 Choosing a Degree - what’s right for you? popular!!

> Things to Consider Before Switching Degrees!

> Changing Degrees

Part 1 Administration - choosing majors, available services, choosing class times etc.

Part 2 Getting to Class - pros and cons of attending class, when you should choose not to attend, advice about choosing a backpack and other essential equipment.

> Laptop Considerations and Recommendations

Part 3 Studying - differences between high school and uni, basic tips on how to keep on track, class types like lectures, tutorials, etc.

Part 4 Extra-Curriculars - what clubs to join, what to do outside class, and other great things to discover around campus.

Part 5 Exams - everything to know about examiners, how to prepare, what happens during the whole examination process.

Part 6 Social Life - differences between high school and university, some hard learnt lessons, etc.

Part 7 Part Time Work

Part 8 Four Secrets The Uni Tells You

Part 9 Best Study Spots On Campus

Part 10 Saving Money 1 - Food, Transport, Entertainment

Part 10 Saving Money 2 - Textbooks, Tax, Scholarships

Part 11 Adapting to Uni Study - 3 big differences from studying in high school popular!!

Part 12 How to Study From Textbooks in Uni

Dealing with Lazy Group Members - five options for what to do and how to do it! popular!!

OTHER POPULAR POSTS

Weekly Planner Printable with Extra Space for Sat/Sun popular!!

Overcoming the Planning Fallacy

Study Spaces Masterpost

Studying and your Visual System

Catching Up with Your Studies popular!!

Sleeping and Waking Up Early popular!!

My 2017 Planner and Bullet Journal popular!!

#studyblr #studyspo #study tips #languages #langblr #mymp #university #college #bullet journal #german #korean #mandarin #french #spanish #japanese #mind maps #mylangblr #polyglot #optomstudies

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viralgossip · 7 years ago

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VIRAL GOSSIP’S TRENDING ARTISTS !!

JUNE 7TH, 2018

wayfinder changed my life 🌠 @lilkayns · 6m with a name like [ REDACTED ] i really have to wonder why people ship them.

follow me ezra!! @ajpeg · 12m the claws are coming out! #TEAM[ REDACTED ]

AH! @pinkangel · 6m who fell harder, [ REDACTED ] from that stage or me when i saw her for the first time? #toosoon?

NO BETTER WAY TO KICK OFF A NEW EVENT THAN A LITTLE REMINDER AS TO WHO’S ON TOP ↴

#10 IVY SERRANO ( @ivcsisms )

proud mom @ivydovey · 16m

#20GAYTEEN is the best thing that’s ever happened to me

Honestly, Ivy is just out here living her best life. In honor of it being Pride month, Serrano took to instagram to reveal that she’s bisexual! Everyone here at Viral Gossip is beyond happy and proud of our #bicon, and we can’t wait to see how many more hearts she breaks since literally anyone is up for grabs right now. Parents, lock up your adult children, no one is safe anymore! Or maybe everyone is currently safe? After all, Arie Castillo also posted on instagram, although his post announced something different. Castillo posted a picture of our lovely queen, Ivy, as the two decided to take an impromptu trip to Hawaii in honor of Castillo’s birthday. Are the two dating? Will Castillo stop getting passed around from woman to woman? Will Ivy Serrano date me? Let’s hope for the best.

#9 KAILANI ( @kaiilanis )

follow me ezra!! @ajpeg · 12m

the claws are coming out! #TEAMKAILANI

Kailani was giving her followers a lot of mixed signals these past few weeks---and we really don’t know what to make of it. It was Kailani, and not ₩ON, who threw shade at Mimi Vang of Afterparty after the Wayfinder Music Festival spectacle, which fueled #KAIWON shippers into a frenzy. Yet, that took place only a few days after Kailani was spotted having a dare-we-say romantic dinner with ₩ON‘s ex, Ruby Rixon. And Afterparty isn’t the only band that the soloist is feuding with---apparently she has beef with Renegade and its lead singer Axel Leitch as well.

#8 ROSE QUARTZ ( @jettblvck, @corinnasrose, @jcdehq, @kitwildc )

148 days! @jetts_wife · 6m

#bett is old news and anyone who thinks #georgett is real is delusional.

If all rumored relationships were true, then Rose Quartz’s frontman Jett Blackwell would be a polygamist. Within only the past two weeks, he’s apparently been in a relationship with Georgia Lane, Beckley Byers, and a ‘mysterious hand’ (no, not his own). Those rumors enough are carrying his entire band. To elaborate, some have been speculating that Jett and Georgia are getting back together after Wayfinder (last week’s news!), even going as far as to say that the mysterious hand is Georgia’s. They all want to know if there’ll be any confirmation on Georgia’s upcoming album… but this isn’t promotion for her. On the other side of the spectrum, people are churning rumors that perhaps Jett and Beckley are getting back together. The two have exchanged flirty tweets and have sent each other pictures no one else has seen (again, no, not that kind, although it would make this a lot more entertaining). Others think that hand belongs to a mystery woman. We personally think that’s just for aesthetic.

#7 ETHEREAL ( @chloehq, @winnisms )

wayfinder changed my life 🌠@lilkayns · 6m

with a name like #CHLACK i really have to wonder why people ship them.

It’s a rough time for fans of America’s favorite girl group. Fans were left reeling when two of the group’s members, Chloe Evans and Winnie Whitmore posted photos to their social media accounts that fueled rumors that both girls were leaving the group. Seeing how Ethereal’s only been around for a little over a year, they might want to change their name to Ephemeral if they’re already having breakup rumors. In other news, it looks like Chloe Evans and Jack Jericho might be a new thing---that will maybe fill our favorite white couple void that we have been feeling since #BELLIAN broke up?

#6 BETTER NOW ( @greyhtml, @sweetshqs )

#bn2 is coming @ezrasweets · 16m

#gezra runs deep in my veins, this is the cutest shit i’ve ever seen.

It seems that Better Now is trending for every reason except their music. Where is Better Now 2? We see you two in the studio a lot but we don’t see any singles being released. Maybe the two are too preoccupied now in their new relationships, #gezra and #kori, to continue with their careers? After all, Ezra has been spotted all over town with his new girl, Gemma Clarke, that there is no time for him to be writing music. I’d say at least we have frontwoman, Sweets Mori, but she’s busy off “not dating” Afterparty’s own, Christian Kelley, that we’ve hardly ever seen the two bandmates together anymore. Was the band just a ploy to find dates? Is eHarmony.com out and creating a mildly successful alternative band to find your significant other IN? Who knows! We just hope this doesn’t lead to a lot of Misery Business.... see what I did there?

#5 GEMMA ( @gemclvrke )

notice me gemma @gemmastone1 · 12m

ugh can we please stop talking about #gezra and focus on gemstones instead???

You’d think we’d be focusing on Gemma Clarke’s upcoming album, right? Wrong. The focus of the week, or weeks, has been Gemma Clarke’s relationship status. (Where’s Alison Bechdel when you need her?) It seems she and Better Now drummer Ezra Grey have been getting to know each other pretty well, and by pretty well, we mean not even subtly hinting that they’re a couple in public. Anyone who thinks speculation is worth it is sorely mistaken. Anyone who thinks ‘confirmation’ is needed is very similar to Jared (can’t read, possibly 19). Sure, the Snapchat story wasn’t even close to a giveaway, just Gemma banging it out to BN. However, when you’re practically practicing PDA in front of a bunch of photographers and posting photos of yourself with that same person everywhere, if you’re not a couple, things just get weird. Anyway, she has an album coming out.

#4 BELLA CARISI ( @bcllahqs )

LEAVE BELLA ALONE @pinkangel · 6m

who fell harder, bella from that stage or me when i saw her for the first time? #TeamBella #toosoon?

It seems as if Bella has had a lot of ups, and one particular down, since coming off from Wayfinder. As if having to deal with speculation over her relationship from us (we can be pretty brutal) isn’t enough, now other artists are joining in (we’re looking at you Georgia “Doesn’t Stay In Her Own” Lane). But even as she deals with petty drama Bella is still out here giving her fans what they want by dropping a music video for her song ‘Jump’ (available on itunes)! Although, do her fans deserve the treat considering they don’t know how to keep their hands to themselves? Yes, we’re talking about when a drunk fan took it upon themselves to do a meet and greet of their own in the form of pulling our pop princess off the stage and into the crowd, resulting in Carisi having to go to the emergency room for checkups. Guys, we know some times people do things they regret when they’re drunk, but don’t pull people off stage! Especially if you’re not even cute, do you see the type of guys Bella gets? She doesn’t want your Coors beer drinking ass. Okay, that’s enough from us about the situation, but just know that we’re #TeamJacob all the way and we hope that Carisi regains her crown as #1 soon.

#3 ARIE CASTILLO ( @arieisms )

how can i breathe with no arie @punkinking · 6m

imagine fucking your best friends girl and STILL maintaining your friendship #iconic #westanalegend

Arie Castillo... what can we say about Arie Castillo? Or more, what can’t we say about him? There are plenty of things that I can’t say about Arie, even if they are true they’re not meant for a blog like this. So, what has our favorite daddie been up to? Nothing! If you guys want to talk about someone who uses their relationships and connections to get to the top look no further than Arie Castillo! Why is it that Georgia and Bella get their name dragged through the mud when Arie is essentially doing the same thing? It’s 2018, folks! Guys can be fame leeches too! Just look at his twitter, liking tweets mentioning Georgia, and his instagram, where he took a picture with best friend, Killian Law, right after rumors fly that Arie and Killian’s ex, Bella, did the nasty behind his friend’s back?? Yikes! Maybe if Castillo focused solely on his music this man would be #1 some day... nah, that’s not how things work around here. Keep stirring up trouble, Daddy Arie, we like you better when there’s nothing but drama attached to your name! Oh, you’re going to release an album? That’s nice...

#2 GEORGIA LANE ( @georgialanes )

🍑 @laneegirl · 2m

find yourself a girl who’ll drag you with one hand and promo her album with the next. oh, i did, her name is georgia lane.

It seems Georgia Lane has been one busy girl (talk about twitter fingers). With her upcoming album releasing soon (pre-order Melodrama now), her shady tweets, and just generally out here living her best life, she’s become someone we’ve slowly began to admire. We love a messy queen. Georgia has been enjoying her time in the spotlight, and it couldn’t have come at a better time. While everyone is quick to jump down her throat for her coming for Arie and Bella, are we really going to pretend that the possibility of Arie hurting Georgia isn’t a thing? Your favorite golden boy might not be so golden after all. We’re all good though, because it seems as if our favorite trouble maker might be making other artists swoon. Yes, we’re obviously talking about the notorious “hands” photos that Rose Quartz aritists Jett Blackwell keeps posting. We just have one question: dude, what’s with the hands? And obviously, is the hand Georgia? Hopefully Blackwell will have a face fetish next and finally post a picture of the mystery girl he keeps hinting at. Our money is on our messy queen, Georgia, because if we’re in love with her than it wouldn’t come as a shock if Blackwell was too. But boys and tweets aren’t the only thing she’s good at, Georgia Lane also released a music video to our new favorite track, Perfect Places! If the rest of Melodrama delivers songs as great as that one then there is no doubt that Georgia holds the new #1 album in her hands. Best Album, anyone?

AND YOUR #1 TRENDING ARTIST IS…

#trending #round four

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midna4105 · 7 years ago

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Apparently Unpopular Anti-SJW Opinion:

On the topic of diversity... a lot of people say that the problem SJWs have is the definition of it is just less white people. And yes, that is a problem. But I don’t think it’s the real problem with them forcing it down everyone’s throats.

Remove this twisted definition and, uh, it’s still bad. Why would diversity be anyone’s even medium priority focus in anything? I’m not saying the media should just be filled with white people, I’m saying IT SHOULDN’T MATTER. People shouldn’t be calling out the tech industry for not having enough women. no, what the hell is wrong with you? Being 50% male and 50% female would be real diversity I’d say, in terms of sex, but, why would you want to force that? What does it matter? As long as the company is getting it’s job done efficiently (let’s be honest though social media sites really aren’t lol) who cares about the demographics of its employees? It’s not sexist. I can’t think of what it is besides just reasonable.

In the last 2 years let’s say, I’ll be honest, I’ve been seeing more racial minorities pop up casually on TV, on commercials or as extra characters in cartoons, etc. I don’t care. I think it’s a nice change. But it shouldn’t be a priority... do whatever the hell you want, again, I don’t care. But why should everyone in the media be forced to comply with these diversity standards that don’t matter? People shouldn’t be raging about how the US government is too white/Christian. What should matter is the politics.

I’ve seen two arguments. One is racial privilege. That doesn’t exist. The second is “everyone deserves to see themselves”. And they do. Does that mean everyone has to strive to hire more minorities, more, more, MORE, just to pander? No. This is probably the thing I’m most divided about in this argument: don’t these people have their own media? Yeah that sounds racist, sue me. But are there not hispanic media channels? Doesn’t southeast Asia have its own forms of entertainment? I’m not accusing anyone of leeching, but, it’s not like there is literally no opportunity to see a hispanic or Asian person on TV. As for African Americans, I don’t even get the problem... I’ve seen tons of black people in movies and on TV shows. Yeah there’s less, but that’s because they’re a minority. Let’s keep up the including examples streak... college campuses. You know exactly what I mean.

Just to add more fuel to the fire, Black Panther looks weird. DEMOGRAPHICS ASIDE, it takes a much different tone and the trailer is chaos and the music is weird. *runs*

#anti sjw #forced diversity #diversity #how to add good tags to post #sjw logic #sjw stupidity

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anoverloadofmusings · 5 years ago

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To Make Some Sense Of This Year

I’ve lived two very different lives, like many of my generation. I have the presence everyone can see. My social media feeds. The version of my experiences that I get to shape in the retelling. I travel the world, confident and charming. Then there’s the other side, the confusion, the struggles. The loves and the losses. I find this disconnect between the two difficult to handle sometimes. This year, often. It is hard to pretend to be one or the other. Maybe that’s why I’ve finally decided to put this all down. To connect the dots and accept the contradictions, and be comfortable with the multifaceted person I am. It’s cathartic, in a world where it’s a virtue to not find catharsis in a public, online outing. But I want a release from the dualism I’ve been carrying with me and hope this will help with that. I’m sorry if it seems intense, but sometimes life just is.

I hope also, that whoever decides to read this can give me the benefit of the doubt, and believe me when I say that I understand my life in comparison to others. I know where I have benefited where others have not, just where I have struggled where others have not. I do not blame a single person in my life for my struggles this year. I have no bitterness, just feel a hell lot of regret, and a hell lot of love. I am constantly growing, constantly making mistakes. My experiences might have contributed, but I am full, rounded person, and I could’ve done a lot of things a hell lot differently. Feel free to criticise me and my actions, just know that I have often done the same.

The most appropriate place to begin this I guess, is admitting that I’ve been on autopilot for much of the last ten years. After my Dad died in 2010, my Mum married again and moved back to France within three years. That relationship never really healed, after clear, incomparable differences between my stepdad and I, where he insisted through his actions that my Mum would have to choose between us. I let it go though, and got through University, lived abroad for a while, built up an impressive portfolio of photography and filmmaking, before moving back to London in 2017, and I felt generally happy with the way I had restructured my life. I was generally well liked, had interesting travel stories to entertain people with and assumed like everyone else I would fall into journalism.

I was 26 by this point, and was carrying with me an awkward truth I was extremely ashamed of. Not only was I a virgin but I had never even kissed a woman, never been intimate beyond a few chosen words and glances. What might seem trivial to many now at the time was a heavy weight. That summer that finally changed, and though it was a lovely experience with a fantastic woman, I did question why I had put so much emphasis on this for so long. It was intimate yes. But it was fun. Light. There was no earth-shattering sensation. If there was something behind that heavy weight - it wasn’t sex.

A couple years passed, and I did well in my masters, my subsequent job, along with a few dating and hookup experiences along the way. I guess by this point I felt like I had cracked the right autopilot switch. I had given up trying to understand what that heavy weight had been to me for so long, as I had enough fulfilment in my life, enough goals to keep me focused. I just kept busy, barely remembering to count the days as they passed.

Then, in early winter, I started seeing a girl. I then - miraculously - mended the incredibly complex relationship with my stepdad, after years of fighting. In early spring, I left my job and tried somewhere new - in the city. By the end of March all these things had crashed down around me. All the support I had gotten used to, it vanished. I fell into a place where I am only now beginning to recover from. Some words used for this have been depression, deteriorating mental health, emotional immaturity, quarter life crisis etc. Whatever it is, it triggered something extremely deep lying in me. Now I have had anxiety issues - like many people - for a long time, but these were all under my control by this point and I had worked myself into a healthy place to deal with them. This breakdown ruined it all. I lost all control of those anxieties, lost all motivation in my job and the two following jobs. My relationship with my family broke and has not yet recovered. I became so, unhealthy dependent on this girl for my validation that after she left, I felt so inadequate, and all those anxieties from my past swarmed back, infesting into all the corners of the structure of the strong life I thought I had built up, and multiplying like a disease. I do not want to burden any reader with the technicalities of this mental state, as I do not want to indulge them anymore, but for those who can’t identify - you lose interest and passion in everything, so nearly all of those photos and smiles you’ve seen me pull since then have been some of the hardest and forced I’ve ever had. I never hated myself as much as I did then.

I let those issues wreak havoc over my entire life. I dragged friends through months of apathy. Of speaking to them about the same, limited topics. Colleagues had to sit and watch me struggle knowing I could not reach the potential I showed in my interview and they would have to let me go. I saw myself weigh heavily on this girl, even suffocating her and draining her energy. But for so long, when family and work left, she stayed and she cared. When she finally decided to take her happiness into her own hands and make up with her ex, I realised what had happened that I had never experienced before. I had fallen in love. Not the way I imagined I would have, and honestly not how I would’ve wanted to. Not when I was like this, completely unable to show anyone my best self. And not a healthy love either, not a love built around my dependency.

I think I can rationalise the impact people can have on our lives if you consider we are all built up of experiences. Some of them are fleeting, they happen and we forget them with ease. Other experiences, days or people leave a mark. Sometimes that mark hurts, which we then try to hide or run from. It can ache to remember it, so we burry it. Other people can awaken those hidden away experiences. This girl, she wasn’t perfect, but she did not leave a hurtful mark. I can still barely think of a time she insulted me or deliberately tried to hurt me. I still find it so easy to reflect positively on my time with her. What she did - unknowingly to herself and to me - was give me a certain affection I had never experienced, throughout all those years since my dad died, and perhaps before. I think it was so normal for her to give, it’s probably normal for most people come to think of it. But it was quite profound to me. I’ve been fortunate with my friendships - some of them are deep and will last a lifetime, but I did not realise I had lacked what she gave me. It was given even more significance for happening at the same time as the relationship with my family - seemingly the rock that our strength and love is meant to be built on - diminished in the form of multiple emails from my stepdad labeling me a leech and a failure. In the face of that, her affection was an intense reminder of what I did not have from my family. It was a short relationship, and its significance will probably fade in time, but while she was in my life I was endlessly confused. And just because I had no idea how to manage feeling appreciated like that.

It’s easy now to understand why I’ve fallen so far back this year. Without sounding unbelievably cheesy, I’m really not sure what the fuck I was doing before this year began. I was a functioning member of society but I rarely had a moment of pure happiness or fulfilment, satisfied with just feeling good. And that’s not to say a relationship is fundamental to happiness, it’s just, to me, I just felt like a passerby until then. Realising now, that the lack of a constant family figure showing me love in my life - especially in the last ten years - has meant that I just stopped expecting it, if I ever expected it to begin with. And for so long since March I have felt the same, perpetually trying to find the same level of purpose in my life without a lover’s validation. This core understanding about the necessity of self validation takes everyone their own timelines to figure out. And even then, once you realise you need it, it’s another thing finding it. Initially I dated a bit and found myself transferring all that affection and need for validation onto other women so quickly, despite knowing how unhelpful and wrong that was. I’m sorry for the women who had to experience that. I’m sorry for the friends who saw me suffer and said all the right things but knew they would just have to watch me suffer a bit longer before I worked it out for myself. My purpose was gone, and I couldn’t find it anywhere, as I didn’t have a clue where to start. Then I started to indulge it, I started to ‘like’ being so low with no self esteem. It felt familiar, more familiar than confidence or success. Sympathy from others brought out similar feelings of comfort that she had given me. It became like a cruel addiction, as if I wanted to see how far I could dislike myself and drive off the rails. I failed probation after probation, not able to feel even slightly present behind a desk. I somehow kept getting jobs but continuously found faults in them, and indulged them too. I saw issues with managers which were not issues. I lost myself and argued when I didn’t actually care about my point, I just wanted to feel anger. I gave up so easily, so quickly, and forgot all the things I loved, hobbies, friendships.

But this isn’t a sad recollection. At least that’s the paradox I find myself in sometimes. Perhaps another reason why I indulged this negativity for so long was because it felt good to feel. I had never felt as good as I had felt over that winter, with her, in my job, with my family, and never felt as low as I did in the months following. Even in the miserable moments there was a part of me which loved feeling so emotional. It just felt good to realise I wasn't just a passerby anymore. I’ve always been sensitive but I had never felt that level of emotion. And it was a different level at times, both the highs and lows. I still remember a tear falling down her face as we said goodbye and the force of emotion which hit me like a hurricane. I indulged it all. I let the vulnerability which I had once tried to champion completely define me.

There’s a lot of things that could’ve happened differently. I could have gone to therapy years ago, and not dismissed my anxieties so easily. I could’ve acknowledged the emotional impact my Dad dying and my Mum leaving would end up having on me in the future. If I had done that I could’ve taken sick days at work this year and breathed, reflected, then gone into work the next day. I could’ve made better decisions, chosen better places to move to, better jobs to apply for. I could’ve done a lot. If I had tackled this all before, things might have turned out differently. Then again, maybe they would’ve happened just the same. I know now though, that things happened the way they did because I was unaware what I had been missing for most of my life, and when it came I was overwhelmed. But it had to happen at some point. It’s really because of that that I just can’t hate this girl. She was not perfect. Somebody else with different baggage maybe could’ve maybe helped me get through this. They could’ve loved me back. Her preference of talking through social media was tough to deal with at times. But what she did do was help me realise what I had denied, while on autopilot for all those years. In a way, that was her saving me. And she did it with kindness, and a warm heart. If there’s anything I’ve held onto throughout all of this, it’s that I will not let anything that happens after make me forget the countless phone calls to make sure I was alright, the encouragement when I was at my worst. She deserves her happiness now and I’m proud of myself that I can focus on that, when I could’ve hated her for leaving. That gratefulness helps me sleep at night. She is a good person. As traumatic as it all turned out, I am grateful she was my first love.

And people do get better. Sometimes it takes going through an experience like this to give you all the tools you need to get better. And it doesn’t just switch back on like a light. I am building my life up again now, but instead of rushing to the top I’m taking my time firming up the foundations. Bit by bit. I recently dated someone for nearly two months and though things could’ve developed, I found myself controlling my feelings while I was seeing her. I managed to get to know someone while not making them my emotional dumping ground. I kept that in check. That might seem small, but to me that's a success. It’s one small victory on the way to being the Jeremy I know I’m want to be. I know I considering other people's mental space better now. Therapy is helping. Learning how to move on from people who don’t understand your value, even when I want to help them find theirs, is helping. Slowing everything down, is helping. It’s still a terrifying idea, to be out in the world - standing tall and pushing through a challenge again. But it is achievable, and it is achievable because I know so much more about myself now. I don’t quite love myself yet, not to the extent I know I should. But I like my voice. I like my mind. I like how I empathise with people. I like how I earn peoples’ trust.

If you’ve got this far, thank you. I hope you can sense what I’ve felt through writing this. I don’t really want any sympathy anymore for what I’ve been through. I just don’t want to carry this around, in a lengthy, confused state of mind anymore. I want this out there, written down, where I can see the words whenever I lose focus and remember everything happened the way it did for the best. People entered and left when they needed to. I let experiences drag me right down and almost wreck my entire life, and I need to remind myself, and anybody who reads this who doubts me, that no matter how trivial this experience might sound, that pulling myself back up - with the help of a few, extraordinary people - is a sign that I am not broken.

Fuck knows I’ve made mistakes. Fuck knows we all have. I’m sorry for those I’ve hurt during all this. I hope you can forgive me, and understand I will become better because of it, and will reward you for your belief in me if you wish to give me the opportunity to do so.

And finally, though this is purely cathartic, and I am speaking more to myself than to anyone else, I hope if anyone reading can relate to any of this, to reach out like I did. To friends, family, therapy, whichever. You’ll be endlessly amazed about the capacity that people have to love and to help. There are some people I haven’t named here but they know who they are. Perhaps not appreciating that in the people around you, and expecting it purely in the arms of a lover is where I got it all wrong. But I got plenty else wrong too. And now I have a lot of time to make up, and do it all better this time.

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racingetchedonheart · 7 years ago

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ive been here since 4am, a whiskey in my hand. i used to see your flame, now a black cold moon always sacrificed my blood for you but all you do is throw me down. you gave me hope so i can live and now youve finally cut it. now theres no place, no where to go. voices in my head saying that i can do better. fucking tired of your shit you selfish bitch i hope you suffer the life that I suffered. have you see all the shit i had to go through for you, what the fuck, how about screw you. you dumb fuck who never had to work for shit, only leeching of off you wealthy folks, such a shame, you will have no fame but only blame, hahaha! now we see, how this is equality, when we be, misery, for you and me, call the shots and you wont get through to me, you minimi, like this shit and eat it on your social media, addicted to the stupidity of this generation, commemoration to the hags that just won die. bye. oh by the way, can you go away? how are you? oh its me. where the fucked you go? you stupid hoe, maybe you just are missing the r and s so people can ride you like without a saddle. eat hotpockets for breakfast, your mouth is full of sores. you hideous without you make up on along with the motherfucking hair thats growing on your toes. now I toast to my homies thankin that were gonnies and i can be free now from the shit you always threw me. for now you just a hippie cuz you anit shit without me baby. this is my goodbye to you you selfish bitch. fuck!you! fuck! fuck! fuck! you! fuck! fuck! i dont know where i stand in your life, like im a fuckin dog that only gets called when im needed to make you feel better. you only needed me around for help or your own entertainment. and whenever i wanted to hangnout you ask me to fuckin leave.i hope you happy now that you finally fucked me over. laugh all you want because it might be your last. just hope you smiled at the ones including me. seriously? fuck the world and all livings things in it. you finally did it. you killed it. you never had shame you little smelly hoe. go south is where your attitude is leading to. say hello to the officer, tell him that it wasnt me, when we both know you started this, just like a miracle. just dont breath, lock you up in time for the crime that lingers inside my pain. its unfair yous a user. i made sacrifices and endure the pain you did to me. i tolerated your rudeness and coldness. how you beat me up. how you manipulate me. hoping that one day you would realize how kind i was to you. and one day you would want to hang out and chill. thats all i wanted but you must be clueless like a retard. i will just disregard the sacrifices in my life for you since i am nothing to you. we never talk, we never walk unless its for your own gain. i know im obsessed as fuck, damn my life, cant help it, stomp your heels in to my fist so i can wake up from all the alcohol. i feel caged up when i think about you trying to reach for you but youre not there. dont, its not your fault, im the one who fell for you. now youre so last summer. there's no other living creature as foul as you. you are a stranger. you were my everything. you held me together. understand that i will do better. i wish we could have been friends..if only i could live forever, if only i can hold you longer, if only i can love you harder.i know i can treat you better, better than he can! fuck off you userwhores. cant touch this.you just want my attention, you dont want my heart. gotta keep these feelings to my self. gotta be honest since you want me to. but not the only one on my mind...your heart is so unobtainable, you say

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idolizerp · 6 years ago

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LOADING INFORMATION ON POIZN’S MAIN DANCE CHOI DAEHYUN...

IDOL DETAILS

STAGENAME: N/A CURRENT AGE: 25 DEBUT AGE: 18 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 17 COMPANY: 99 SECONDARY SKILL: Modeling (cf)

IDOL PROFILE

NICKNAME(S): 맥주프린스 (beer prince, as a result of his success and wide popularity in his beer cfs) 땡규 (ddaengkyu, a play on the first part of his name and konglish ‘thank you’) INSPIRATION: a huge POWer fan, he really liked some of the members’ sense of humor and casualness as well as charisma when they danced on music shows while he was growing up. SPECIAL TALENTS:

undefeated arm wrestling champion among his friends

can chug any beverage the fastest

ambidextrous

NOTABLE FACTS:

attended international school in switzerland and korea

has been said as having a “natural talent” for holding his liquor well

fans have tried digging into his family life and have found very little information

notably always well dressed

is that member fans always ask for when another member is having a vlive solo stream

IDOL GOALS

SHORT-TERM GOALS:

ideally, daehyun would like to see his model career really get going - he has established himself enough, he believes, in the entertainment industry enough that the transition between being his group’s dancer and pursuing his modeling ambitions wouldn’t be too abrasive. while he has become noted as a skilled dancer, daehyun doesn’t have the creativity to construct much choreography for his group and prefers to leave that to his company’s in house creators.

LONG-TERM GOALS:

daehyun lives a life of fleeting interests and caters his lifestyle to whatever is most convenient for him. following poizn’s first music show win and the group’s immense surge following love scenario, if all continues to go well, he doesn’t see a reason for ever leaving his group - it keeps him in the spotlight, gets him modeling gigs, and, of course, he loves the fame

IDOL IMAGE

off the bat, daehyun is visually marketable. he is charming, effortlessly so. his youthful and typical boy-next-door looks are everything that sells in the entertainment industry that makes him an absolute knockout when it comes to gaining fans or even being recognized by the general public who don’t necessarily follow his group. the company takes what daehyun already has from his life as a rich boy and perfects it to the very most that they can; they smooth out the blemishes of his dance skills that, compared to others would need further improvements - and paint over it with his face, his body, everything that a girl would want in her “ideal boyfriend”. daehyun is marketed as the boy at school who is just too popular that every girl feels she could never confess to. he’s too cool, too out of her league, but he’s just so dreamy that they can’t help falling all over him.

as a dancer, the company uses his charm and natural confidence to their advantage. he’s a cash cow, both himself and the company know, but it works.

daehyun doesn’t even need to try with his image: he’s born with it, literally; the wealth and beauty and everything that comes as an advantage in between. as he matures from the pristine prince-like member during poizn’s early days to the grown, young man who is inevitably nearing his military days, daehyun transforms into a more refined version of the typical rich boy become famous who is still somehow adored following his bouts of cockiness, heir of superiority inflated, tony stark-esque ego. but daehyun wakes up with the same face every day, same smile he gives to all those who don’t know him at his core, and every day, convinces another new face to fall for his charms just like he convinces them that everyone else already has, too.

IDOL HISTORY

tw: minor domestic violence

everything is thanks to a silver spoon. his father hopes he chokes on it.

they are never a concise or nuclear family. daehyun is brought up in a class of wealth, power and corruption that leaks into the cracks between the love his family members think they give; none of it is true. he never learns what humanity is because he’s never seen it with his own eyes. compassion could bite him in the ass and he’d still have the nerve to blame it on the world for letting it happen.

he doesn’t remember his father’s marriage with his birth mother, but one of his earliest memories is of the time his father threw a plate to the wall at dinner when he was just barely large enough to see over the dinner table. his first step mother, he knew, was equally as angry as his father, and that’s why they were made for each other. but she was also a cheater and a liar, just like his father as well, and their time together felt like only a blip in daehyun’s memory.

his third mother was a socialite, a drinker; in retrospect, she was the most like daehyun — brought up in a glistening box sweltered with misery on the inside. she thought daehyun was a bad child, rightfully so. she had a daughter the same age who never got along with the boy because he too - a glaring red flag so - copy of his father. they’re both eight when daehyun has his first fight with her and finds no mercy in hitting the back of the girl’s head with the television remote when he doesn’t get his way. she’s sent to the hospital thankfully with no major injuries, but daehyun stays at home when she does, clutching the remote possessively in two hands, watching the children’s show he wanted to.

because of him, another step mother is lost. he’s turning thirteen and because of the child daehyun’s father has let him become, she stops loving him, too.

a tragedy at its finest: he begins to resent his own son.

the two of them form a father-son relationship that redefines the dynamics of a normal, healthy relationship: his son is a borderline sociopath, plagued by years of paternal turmoil he’s been drowned in for years. daehyun gets everything that he wants because his father hates him and wants nothing to do with him. summer camps abroad in europe with other spoiled kids keep him away in the warmer months, international boarding schools in the winter to push him away even farther.

the time that daehyun is home, though, all he does is take, take, take.

“gonna start taking dance classes,” he announces to his father one evening at dinner when he’s fifteen and bored with the lack-lusterness of his dreaded, boring rich kid life. there’s no intonation to resemble a question, no way, shape or form of asking, hey dad, mind if i use your money to pursue a potentially stimulating hobby to keep me out of the house? of course not - because please isn’t in daehyun’s vocabulary.

people tell his father he’s a stupid man for letting his son walk all over him in the way that he does. he hates his son but gives him what he wants to see his face as little as possible. there’s a permanent smug on daehyun’s face that his father can’t recall never being there - or, that is, remember when he’d let his son cross the line (and there was no turning back now).

daehyun doesn’t follow pop music much, but his ego still eats up the shallow encouragement of his dance academy’s classmates to audition for an entertainment company that had been the word of mouth for a few weeks. truthfully, he’s nowhere as good a dancer as he pegs himself to be. there are far more people on audition day that show passion and dedication to the art whereas daehyun is only here because - well - he think he’s good enough to be. but sure enough, as it always works out, the rich always get the better end of the bargain.

he gets a call, and once again, daehyun gets what he wants.

his year of training is fast and unexpectedly difficult for a boy like himself: they don’t care what his background is, don’t care that he is practically swimming in his father’s pool of money - it’s all irrelevant. they keep daehyun around because he’s cute and know if they have him as a trainee, posed to debut, it’ll be his face that sells. so long as he keeps his mouth quiet, ego in check and behavior in order: but he can only give so much to a camera before he lets his true personality slip.

fans eat him up the moment poizn’s teaser pictures are released: he’s young and cute with a face that draws in lots of young, female fans that devote themselves entirely to him and his group. his fans are nothing short of catty and defensive, ready to snap the neck of any girl that thinks nothing of when they say he’s handsome. he is handsome, but he’stheirs. casual fans begin to find his personal fans to be too obsessive, too defensive for just one boy that they gradually begin to learn is just a rich boy that probably paid his way into the group (if only his father could’ve thought to try that, to get him far away from himself as possible).

song after song, the group gets bigger and bigger - daehyun feels unstoppable. his fans’ - their leeches - feed into it all, give his company money that they slowly find the rhythm to use and abuse. once love scenario unexpectedly skyrockets, the fireworks settle and daehyun is confident he’s almost the equivalent to the industry’s version of a real king. his ego has been so well fed, fattened up to such an extent that he can’t even see his feet when he walks anymore. he begins to openly go out with some friends, and sometimes, even his group mates drinking - nothing too wildly out of control - but the amount of alcohol and time spent drinking that he flaunts on social media begins to cross the line between what image daehyun wants to shape for himself (you just can’t take the spoiled rich kid out of him, as much as his company would like to try). his air of slightly cockiness, one seeded from his childhood and nurtured by his idol life, however, earns him that particular niche of fans who like to tell themselves it’s all just for the cameras.

everything feels so easy for them now. because of the image the boys have built for themselves within and outside of poizn, the facadé of pure, idolized-boys can finally be dropped. in truth, it makes for a hurricane of problems for the group’s pr management, and daehyun is nothing but the permanent, dull headache on their corner temple that just won’t ever go away.

#id.bio #id.poizn #id.99 #id.yook sungjae #id.elite #tw.minor domestic violence

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glorykrp · 8 years ago

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SHOWING RESULTS FOR: BELLA.

✩ Arabella Siyeon Kwon ✩ May 23rd, 1996. ✩ Seattle, USA ✩ anti