#and that's just the tip of the iceberg. queerness is beautiful. queerness can also be painful.

[uncanny-tranny]

You know, even if somebody was "turned queer" because of trauma, that is:

1. Not your business

2. Not something you should be interrogating them about, be you queer or otherwise (see point one)

Trauma is a deeply harrowing experience, and it's oftentimes something people don't want to share if they don't feel safe or comfortable. Creating environments where queer people have to both interrogate their queerness and defend themselves is simply hostile.

If somebody seemingly became queer after a traumatic event, what you do is support them. Likely the last thing that person needs is you barging in and demanding explanations and justifications before they're allowed to be queer and/or exist around you.

[wild-wombytch]

Hey ladies 💗!

You can call me Tañ. I'm a 24yo European disabled dyke with sometimes approximate English. I'm also an anarchist and believe genders and sexual exploitation are as oppressive as (and products of) patriarchy.

I'm a veteran of the Reddit misogyny and purge against "TERFs" for saying neo/microlabels and bi/pan "lesbians" are harming real lesbians and bi women. I was already starting to be skeptical and tired by trans women talking over lesbians with pretty misogynistic takes, so I decided to look into the so frowned upon radical feminism and gender critical ideas, sensing this Reddit drama was just the tip of the iceberg. That's after years being a TRA/libfem.

I'm tired of the marketable liberal feminism and queer communities and catering to males' feelings, when they're actively hurting lesbians to satisfy their ego and so called feeling of erasure (forcing females who want nothing to do with males to cater to their mental health still or trying to coerce them into sex). I'm also tired that "lesbian" is always associated with porn, especially porn for straight men. So I hoped to get to know the radfem community here better, because you are the only ones who seem to give a fuck about women at all these days and trying to keep women from mutilating their beautiful bodies instead of caring for their mental health. I almost did that to myself due to the trans agenda convincing me that I was a "nonbinary transmasc" and not just a good ol' dyke not aligning with heteronormativity, so here I am. I'm still reading and learning about radical feminism. To be frank, I've been quite brainwashed into the TRA/pop feminism cult bs and genuinely have to rebuild myself psychologically and get all these things I interiorised (to be honest, mostly out of fear of being thrown out of my own lesbian community, leftist and "feminist" spaces) out of my head. Including things about my body and the "queer community" pushing for us to cater to men and shutting ourselves up instead of saying things as they are. I hope I can learn by interacting with the community here. I frankly need some sorority to help me out of the patriarchy and its genderist Hell. This ideology definitely made feminism go back of 50 year. Males can wear dress and be feminine without needing to get into our locker rooms and females can be butches and bind to alleviate dysphoria without being men.

What else to say? I don't want to say too much for now, because the world is so fucking dangerous for women, especially if they go against the men ideology. I really hope to find a peaceful corner here where I can interact with other lesbians without getting witch hunted for stating science and that I'm not into penises and without fucking men filling up the only internet spaces where we can just have women talks about women issues without always centering or integrating men.

I also discovered things like the Moon School, which helps me healing my relationship to being a woman and starting to accept again that I'm a lesbian and don't have to convince myself I'm either trans or having to be exactly like straight women or that gender matters. I'm learning to get rid of the internalised misogyny and feeling like I can't love what I want to love, especially if it's "girl things" or be emotional...etc I'll likely open up more and act more like my confident self once I'm used to be able to state my opinions without getting banned. Probably expect some NSFW and New Age content here. I have a spiritual approach to what it means to be a woman (exploring Wicca and the Dark Goddess).

I'm still learning to use Tumblr, so apologies if the tagging is shit or if the reading is hard on my blog for whatever reason (tell me if I can make it more accessible!). I'm still not confident being here, hope I'll learn. Feel free to DM or send recommendations in asks (about how to use Tumblr, radfem communities, radfem books/Youtube channels, women-centered spirituality...anything really) or just introduce yourself! Straight women have valuable inputs too, but I'd prefer to interact with other lesbians and ex-TRA, since we have more shared experiences. Hope I'm not being weird by spam liking and reblogging your posts there!

Also warning word that my beliefs are bound to adjust as I learn about radical feminism and heal my own relationship to being a woman. I'll still navigate radical feminism leaning, but might go more tirf or other orientations over time.

⚠️ Everyone except the dni can follow, I won't tell you "pro TRA kys" like people say about TERFs 🤷🏻. If you don't want gender criticals, misandrists possibly in the future TIRF, TERF, SWIRF, Dianic Witches or whatever to follow you, you can block me. ⚠️

Again, I'm too new to know exactly what I'm going for except radical feminism.

DNI : Men in general, bi/pan/male "lesbians" (febfems are cool, I refer to mspec "lesbians"), conservatives, alt right, the genderist/MOGAI crowd can respectfully interact and is welcome to like and reblog, but you're on thin fucking ice

[bookish-monster]

Book Rec

Devout: An Anthology of Angels

edited by Quinton Li

with creative contributions from:

Freydís Moon

Morgan Dante

Emily Hoffman

Dorian Yosef Weber

Daniel Marie James

Angela Sun

Cas Trudeau

Rae Novotny

Tyler Battaglia 

rafael nicolás - @nicosraf here on tumblr

Ian Haramaki

Aurélio Loren 

(I gathered as many social links and author websites as I could, but was sadly unable to find all of them! If you're the creator of one of the contribution to Devout, feel free to reach out so that I can update this rec to include your links; I'd love to promote your work).

The Storygraph link for this book includes information such as page count, publication date, and community-created content warnings.

This anthology includes short stories, poetry, and a few pieces of artwork from a plethora of amazing creatives, all focused on themes of Christian and Jewish faith and the way angels intertwine with those belief systems—as well as how they interact with queerness, religious trauma, and much more. In the first story of the collection (written by Freydís Moon, who also wrote the superb Exodus 20:3 that I have reviewed here) the protagonist is a young trans man who has an erotic tryst with Satan in the back of a church after the fallen angel gives a sermon to the miracle-hungry congregation. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. 

This recommendation would be impossibly long if I were to describe every piece of creative work in this 200+ page anthology. I will try to be brief, then, and describe only my three favorite additions. However, one thing that stood out to me about all of the creative work in the anthology is that each written work is prefaced with content warnings created by the author. Since many of the stories and poems deal with content and themes that could be triggering, this was a really welcome addition.

The first story that grabbed me by the throat in Devout is “Seasons of God” by Angela Sun, which focuses on two French missionaries who come to a village in rural China to convert the locals to Catholicism. The story focuses on one of the missionaries, Francis, who attempts to save a local girl named Rui from being sold by her widower father due to her supposed uselessness. The story grapples with colonial attitudes and the possessive “love” of men who want to mold colonized people into perfect little Christians for further exploitation. Rui has a special power: she can see a strange, terrifyingly eldritch angel haunting the village. The story reaches an explosive conclusion when Rui’s father bursts into the church during Mass with an axe, seeking revenge for the financial loss of his daughter. 

The second story I loved is “And the Mountains Melt like Wax” by Tyler Battaglia, which is set during the modern era and follows a firefighter named Abel who is on a hiking trip with his service dog, Cain. Abel has severe PTSD after a particularly bad fire, and is seeking clarity on his hiking trip into the mountains. He is alone except for the dog. Abel finds an impact crater where an angel (whose design is inspired by the Book of Ezekiel) has fallen to earth, and shares a granola bar with the creature. Abel asks for forgiveness for what happened when he entered that burning building, and I think the beauty in this story is that he receives neither absolution nor damnation for what he did—just like with real-world religious torment, there are no easy answers or simple solutions.

The final story I want to speak about is “Misery in Company” by Morgan Dante (whose other book, Providence Girls, I have recommended here). This story is an adaptation of Doctor Faustus, a play originally written in the Elizabethan era by Christopher Marlowe, where the protagonist is the demon Mephistopheles rather than the human magician (Dr. Faustus himself) who sold his soul to Hell in exchange for amazing powers and knowledge… and receives the services of a demonic manservant as well. In this story, Mephistopheles falls in love with the magician whose orders he is required to obey, and dreams of sharing a place in Hell with his beloved once his mortal lover dies of old age. Like other demons, Mephistopheles is a fallen angel who constantly reckons with his betrayal of God, and is always searching for a way to upstage his creator. Ultimately, however, he is thwarted in that attempt—just as the original play is a tragedy, so too is this short story. And like everything I have so far seen of Morgan Dante’s work, it is also masterfully written.

These three short stories are just my personal favorites from the collection. For those who favor more of a raunchy good time, I think they would enjoy “Paradises” by rafael nicolás, which features the angel Gabriel (a twink) becoming the lover of the Aztec rain deity Tlāloc behind God’s back, as well as Freydís Moon’s aforementioned contribution. There’s something in this anthology for everyone, I think.

You can find this book on Amazon Kindle or Smashwords

[castlebyersafterdark]

yeah i agree with romain about heartstopper!! Cos i remember seeing straight people watch call me by your name and be like ‘wow they love just like us’. And i suppose much of that may be because if some folk’s only access to queerness has been straight media (hell, even will and grace was considered risque when i was growing up), then they will have seen the vast majority of films where queer relationships were either illicit (guys stopping at gas station bathrooms or for shameful affairs to get it out of their system) or ended in tragedy (still a common experience esp for the time!)

these experiences are valid parts of being queer, but ofc theyre just the tip of the iceberg and were the only acceptable things at the time - being gay is ok to depict in film if the characters feel guilt and shame, or if they die at the end was the subliminal message.

so i think what is needed is just more queer media. More more more, where comedy and tragedy and everything in between can be told, just like it is for het relationships. The sexuality is important and the illicitness does/did exist, but what we never really saw until recently was that love beneath because basically, queer folk werent given platforms to tell their stories. So we need more! on the other hand i can see how heartstopper is seen as twee. As a brit, may i offer my perspective on this? Because british tv is often much gritter than american (not talking peaky blinders lmao, but rather something like Normal People), heartstopper has this very idealistic, american caste to it. Sort of like sex education on netflix. We all love it here BECAUSE its so dreamy, its basically an american twist where no one is actually that horrible each other (hence being not very realistic for us lol) but still very british, in how subdued it is, how awkward, in the small town life and the mundanity, the quiet beauty. If the sex is awkward next season, it’ll be very very british haha.

I'm enjoying seeing all the different perspectives on these shows, really proves that different pieces of media can mean really different things to a lot of different people. One person not finding it entertaining or relatable just means someone else thoroughly enjoyed it and that's good and totally valid. Which is cool. Maybe when there's a gut reaction to poke fun and poke holes, also leave space for those who fall in love with some media. Sometimes maybe insular opinions you're exposed to don't allow room to consider others and I've been glad to read a lot more opinions. The bias I had of this looks goofy and boring, I see where others are coming from at a different angle. Neat!! Excellent conversations.

Love love love love this most of all:

so i think what is needed is just more queer media. More more more, where comedy and tragedy and everything in between can be told, just like it is for het relationships. The sexuality is important and the illicitness does/did exist, but what we never really saw until recently was that love beneath because basically, queer folk werent given platforms to tell their stories. So we need more!

Perspective. The entire damn truth yall 😘

[breadreballion]

Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019). I was so excited to watch this movie, after hearing a lot about it on social media. Queer movie, period movie, example of female gaze, etc. All this created an upheaving excitement in me, making me more and more curious as in what does all these terms really represent and how can it be turned into cinema. I had to search a lot, to find this movie on a streaming platform, fortunately, found it on Mubi app. I had a different kind of curiosity related to this movie, thinking, will it help me answer questions I'm looking answer for? Will it satisfy me in a way that I will feel comfortable watching any sex scene without flinching? Really had a lot of questions, and a hope, that this will be different. And it is. I watched it over a two-day span, because it was almost impossible for me to watch in one sitting. Portrait of a lady on fire is a perspective-changing movie, so much so that it turns away the male gaze, and presents the female gaze. What isfemale gaze? Men and women see the world differently, and the world we live in, men's point of view is considerd default, with women also being ascribed that vision of men. As the noted 19th century feminist scholar Simone De Beauvoir wrote,

"Representation of the world, like the world itself, is the work of men; they describe it from their own point of view, which they confuse with the absolute truth."

Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex.

Hypersexualization of women's body, focus shots on breast, the way women are dressed, to look seductive, are just the tip of iceberg as in how male gaze dominates the media we consume. This movie is refreshing in this sense. Firstly, there are no men in this movie, in this plot. A movie about women, directed by women. Women's life, though dominated by men, too exist in thier own sphere, wity thier own character, autonomy and worldviews. In this movie too, Heloise, Marianne, and the maid, Sophie, had thier independent life, independent stories, yet so intertwined. These women, despite having obvious class differences, make such simple relationship, helping each other out, reading, that this looks such a beautiful example of female solidarity; and the movie is such a perfect example of our lives, destiny decided by society- but women just finding thier ways to live, to enjoy, in whatever hidden way they can. Heloise marriage is fixed; one knows it right from the start of movie. The whole purpose of Marianne is to draw a portrait of Heloise for her future suitor, about which Heloise has previously rejected the previous painter and destroyed their efforts because she didn't see her real self in those portraits. Marianne is asked to draw Heloise in a way in which Heloise never gets to know that she's being painted. She accompanies Heloise on walks, spends time with her, observes her, and paint her. Here starts a masterful portrayal of female gaze, how through Marianne eyes, we can see how women observes women, they look at each other, what they focus on, what not. This is refreshing to see in any movie, because women are often for being portrayed for vanity in movies, being an element of sexual contentment. As John Berger has said in "Ways of Seeing"- 

"Men look at women. Women watch themselves being looked at. This determines not only most relations between men and women but also the relation of women to themselves. The surveyor of woman in herself is male: the surveyed female. Thus she turns herself into an object -- and most particularly an object of vision: a sight"

Movies like Portrait of a lady of fire has two expectations to fulfill- that they are "queer" movies, representing queer people lives- an expectations which is not the case with normal heterosexual romantic movies. The representation has to be very careful in queer movies- as they speak and represent a community. Often this has failed, creating harmful narrative, like in Blue is the Warmest Color- which is a good story of two women, but the director has put so much explicit sex scenes, that too made to sell it as "lesbians fetish." The scenes were so toxic that the actresses themselves while filming them felt most uncomfortable and violated- but the movie is famous around for its sex scenes, and seen as a representation of queer cinema, but ironically it does more harm to queer narrative- as it is a movie made on heterosexual assumption of homosexual lives. As in most movies, women are just there as secondary character, either as an eye candy, or to push the plot for Male character. When Berger says above, "the surveyor of women in herself is Male, the surveyed female" he is talking about how this male dominated, heterosexual narrative rule women's body and their daily performances and how women present themselves, often not to comfort of their own self, but to satisfy the males around. This experience is all to real for most women. All of us has changed our posture, our way of sitting, the way we speak, the language we speak when we are around men, to look more feminine, to look desirable. Movies also, sometimes consciously, most of the times unconsciously promotes this. The norms of femininity, what looks good, what not, etc. and pushes them onto women. Portrait of a lady on fire also does away with that- the raw scene, of Sophie's abortion- and it's recreation later, in a way shows the lives of women as it is for them- no hiding, no airbrushing. Their real experiences depicted as they are felt. This movie is loosely centered around the Greek story of Orpheus, who journeyed to the underworld to plead for the return of his dead wife, Eurydice. Hades, god of underworld, allowed Eurydice to follow Orpheus back to the world of the living, but delimited Orpheus’s sight: if he turned back to look at her, he would lose her forever. Orpheus looked, and was punished with the kind of loss that cracks you open. The movie has a scene, in which Heloise, Marianne and Sophie are reading this story- and they disagree, one saying that he shouldn't have looked, so that his wife could be saved, and other saying that everyone wants a last look of their lover- it's very natural. This story, like the movie, the most crucial element to its core is the act of "seeing". The story of Orpheus depicts how look, how seeing can kill, especially that seeing which is forbidden, unacceptable, but here, instead of lust, desire, is involved, beauty is involved, that seeing is a risk to be taken.

Modern movies have lost the aspect of romance, of falling in love. What is portrayed is love at first sight, or unrequited love, where one partner is aware, other is not. Also, since we live in a hetronormative world, most movies unconsciously have a hetronormative aspect to it- how men and women navigate the start of a relationship, and their desires are often quickly fulfilled in events like one night stand, or getting drunk or making out. This heterosexual romance has been so normalised by society, it is often overlooked that romance, desire and falling in love for homosexual couples is different. The women in this movie, Helenoise and Marianne represents that. The time to know each other, slow building of desire, in a soft, genuine and yet so sensuous way. Looking, observing, and pining.

Portrait of a lady on fire is a refreshing take, first, because for the first time I have found the representation of female gaze in any media I have consumed. The way a woman looks at another woman. Being fed male gaze by popular media throughout, I was surprised to notice sometimes while watching this movie, I felt my eyes focusing on those parts of characters which in scenes later, focused by the camera. The gaze of the female director felt like my own. I saw myself represented.  One more thing I enjoyed is pining. The slow build-up of desire, the realization of falling in love, getting to know each other. Desire in its pure, unadulterated form. 

Watching this movie was once in a lifetime experience. I felt it is my movie. My own. An experience which I never expected. The subtle way topics like abortion, women's friendship, the looming prospect of marriage and of course the art is covered. Looking helps in falling in love, we all know that. But how looking helps in getting to know each other, deeply, movingly and in an forbidden way- is this movie. The love, the romance and ofcourse, in all the right ways- a queer love story is handled. The movie is God tier. I will end it here now, with these lines of Mary Oliver which this movie reminds me-

“You do not have to be good, You only have to let the soft animal of your body, love what it loves.”

[critrolecloset]

critrolecloset’s holiday guide is here!

the holidays are upon us, and one of the best parts is gift giving! earlier this month, i reached out to the critter community to share their creations with me, whether it was dice, clothing, or “smutty bookshop” scented bath bombs. it’s easy to get stressed out when looking for presents, but i love buying from independent businesses and creators whenever possible. not only will your support help smaller creatives flourish, but your gifts will feel more personal and unique!

before we dig in, i recommend stopping by shop.critrole.com for officially licensed merchandise. geek & sundry also released their own critter holiday guide earlier this week, which includes a list of the cast member’s favorite charities you can make donations to. supporting our beloved cast and crew comes first, and this guide should be used as a supplemental tool to help you find gifts beyond what the critical role fam has to offer.

keep in mind that this guide is also just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to critter creations. i was so overwhelmed with submissions that i unfortunately had to leave a number of people out, and for that i’m deeply sorry. i am amazed at how creative and impressive this community is and i thank you all for reaching out.

dice

for those in need of a full set, “fireball” by caroscuriosities, “dark magic” dice by greenleafgeek, and “sandy beaches” by npcdice are handmade and full of intricate detail. majestic trinkets also has a gorgeous selection of 3d printed metal dice for those who really want to make an impression (they even have a pizza-themed set!). when those dice start acting up, pull a laura bailey and throw them in the “dnd rpg dice shaming dice jail” by criticalkits.

oh, and do know a critter with a raging sweet tooth? sugaranddicecrafts has you covered with their edible dice sets.

dice bags

for starting or modest adventurers, i recommend the “iridescent dice bag” by bagofdiceholding, “drawstring dice bag with chinese dragon pattern” by setdaffodilsonfire, and the “black leather drawstring dice bag” by therislane. 

yarn lovers will love this unique “dragon egg dice bag” by stitchcraftsnsorcery. morningdewdicebags offers a fun selection of sequin dragonscale bags. “adventurer’s inventory dice bag” by greyedout is a solid option for pocket lovers and “the bulba-bag: grass monster inspired drawstring” by magicandstitchcraft is just really freaking cute.

if you think something critical role-inspired will do the trick, this “stay in school kids medium segmented dice bag” by arrowsongcrafts is a nod to everyone’s favorite shit-kicking monk. and who could deny “the little sapphire jester inspired dice bag” by crystalbeehouse?

crafts

this “leather card holder” by theartfulrogue is both beautiful and practical. embroidery fans will love this “how do you want to do this” hoop by lauramakesthingsshop and “carnival tree ornament” by bearclawcraftsshop, which is a nice call-back to the beginning on campaign 2. for glassware, i recommend love this “nott pint glass” by brittsgeekboutique and “drink the dead” mug by sunlitlake.

for those who like cuddlier versions of classic d&d monsters, the “crochet cthulhu stuffed animal” by mostlyharmlessshop and “moxie the beholder wearable handsewn plush” by charredstitchery are too good to pass up.

clothing and accessories

bunnidesigns has a fun and flashy assortment of d&d inspired jersey shirts. by now, every critter should recognize void merch’s signature, bold lettering style, and the rpg collection features numerous shirts worn by the cast throughout campaign 2. the “dungeons and dragons lucky shirt” by paolaspixels is also beautifully designed and features unique sleeve prints (she also offers a large variety of gorgeous enamel pins that are definitely on my list).

this “critical role/dnd patterned stretchy tote bag” by brightshaw is bright and full of bold detail, and for those who want something more on the subtle side, i recommend the “dagger dagger dagger” pouch by rhi43.

pins and patches

these critter location pins by geeky clean are not only approved by our cabbage lord brian w. foster, but they’re a fun and simple way of sharing your roots with other critters. the “d20 hard enamel pins: dungeon master” by eldritchrach is a perfect choice for any leader, while the “vicious mockery hard enamel pin” by hallofmirrorsartwork would be a great for any sass king or queen.

as for patches, the quests & queers collection by majesticmess has a wonderful selection for the lgbt+ critter in your life.

jewelry

for any caleb fans, i recommend this bracelet made with red creek jasper beads by loopedla (fun fact: the woman behind this etsy, tara sands, is the voice actress for a lot of iconic pokemon voices). any druid or overall earthy type would love this “green aventurine necklace” by lunastredesigns, which includes an gold acorn and maple leaf charm. lilacfoxdesigns also has an ensemble of vox machina inspired necklaces, “the ranger” being my personal favorite!

body care

mollymauk may be gone, but his memory lives on in soap form by fandomfinery. natural20bath has d20 dice soap in nearly every color and scent imaginable, and you’ll even get a 7-piece polyhedral dice set included! for those looking for a larger set, this “winter in wildemount: critical role inspired bath bomb or soap gift set” by criticalbaths includes 4 bath bombs (this is the one that includes “smutty bookshop”) and a handmade tusk love ornament.

character art commissions

what could be better than receiving a personalized photo of your d&d or tabletop character? the following artists are offering commissions and you can thank me later!

blueberry-me: headshot, half body, full body, sketch, and illustrations.

afterwits: portrait, half body, half body with background, and full body.

emedeme: chibis, line art, character sheet, and illustrations.

ioana muresan: character design, tarot card, illustration, and painted style. (note: ioana did the officially licensed critical role tarot cards!)

comic books

saga, vol 1: know a critter you’d like to get into comics? not only is saga one of the most popular, expansive series right now (warning: it’s also very adult), but fiona staples just about broke instagram with her mollymauk fan art earlier this year.

kid lobotomy, vol 1: by now, everyone who has seen any critical role fan art is familiar with tess fowler’s distinct style. this book is worth picking up even if it’s just for the liam o’brien cameo!

motor crush, vol 1: babs tarr’s anime-influenced style shines in this sci-fi action-adventure series revolving around a young woman in the world of motorcycle racing. also, babs has adorable jester, beau, and twinnie prints available until november 30th.

black science, vol 1: this one i admittedly haven’t read yet, but you may recognize matteo scalera’s lush art style--he did the standard covers for critical role’s two art books.

[agnesgoesadventuring-blog]

I'm just real tired of how so many people in the fandom ignore that gender and sexuality aren't just one thing and that it can all be fluid and a spectrum Molly says his wiles aren't masculine and there are people decreeing (not just headcanoning, but saying that's the way it is or that's the way it should be drawn) that he's not male or that people need to not draw him with a masculine body. Astrid might be the one Caleb loved and people are treating it like he can't be queer. (more)

(continued) Molly has sex and people are trying to tell ace/aro people that now he can't be aro/ace. Headcanons are fine but way too many people in this fandom latch onto these things that aren't true that are only about them having limited understanding and treat every other person like they have to go by it.

I know. It can be incredibly frustrating. It's probably just the minority (or maybe not, I don't know. I don't actually know the exact demographics of the Critical Role fandom, but I'll give it the benefit of the doubt and say it's the minority). But it's a very loud, aggressive, and hostile minority. And even the ones that aren't hostile and aggressive about it lend to the culture that's kind of "this is the way it is" in the fandom.

Gender and sexuality can indeed be very fluid, both in terms of the fact that every single person has their own sexual and gender identity and that no two people experience those things in the same way, and in terms of the face that for some individuals their gender experience and their sexuality can flow and change and not conform even to the norms of the "non-norms". There's also the fact that there are a lot of cultural constructs surrounding gender and sexuality that don't necessarily fit with a person's gender and sexual identity.  And the fact that, for so many reasons, our behavior does not always actually define our gender or sexual identities.

There are a lot of people who take their own experience with sexuality and gender and decide that That's the Way It Is, and treat everything and everyone else accordingly. Unfortunately for them (and for others, really, because it mean they're being treated in harmful ways), the spectrum of gender and sexuality is so much wider and so much more complex than just the experience of one individual person.

Sex does not eliminate the possibility of asexuality. There are multiple queer sexual identities that encompass attraction toward the opposite gender. Cultural standards of masculinity and femininity tie into gender and gender expression in so many different, complex ways (men can present as feminine, women can present as masculine, men and women can present as androgynous, the femininity or masculinity of the shape and form of the body is not inherently tied to how a person presents, and so on, and so on, and so on). And that's just the tip of the iceberg, even when discussing gender and sexual identity in Critical Role and the way fandom has interpreted and treated those things.

One of the beautiful things about fandom is that it is transformative, so it allows for that fluidity and broadness in the way we interpret and relate to characters and stories. We don't get to impose our personal experiences and interpretations onto others.

[silverstrike]

Rant under cut.

(CW: mentions of Trump)

So I found out yesterday that Barry Longyear, the guy who wrote the original "Enemy Mine" story (for which he won a Hugo and Nebula awards) and its subsequent sequels, is a Trump supporter.

I found out about this while stumbling upon his Facebook and writers' blog.

Not only that but he also appears to be one of those boomers who is absolutely in denial about the attrocities Trump and his cronies have been pulling. Plus he just tries to excuse Trump's shitty behavior in the worst way possible (with garbage-grade hot takes such as "Trump can't be antisemitic: his son-in-law is Jewish!" or "Trump can't be misogynist: the women in his family all speak kindly about him").

It really boggles my mind: like, how could a guy who wrote a story with anti-war sentiments, in which we get to see two people overcoming their prejudices and becoming friends, and that has, essentially nonbinary/agender aliens, can deliberately vote for a person who is a direct antithesis to what he's put in the text of his story?

Moreover, I can now say that I can now understand how fans of "Harry Potter" and "Ender's Game" must have felt when they found out the authors of those works are absolute garbage.

I love "Enemy Mine", at least the movie (I read the bits of the novella online, but I'm not sure I want to read the rest knowing what I know now). I think it's a beautiful film, and I adore its characters (Jerry and Zammis especially). Plus as a queer person, I liked some of the (definitely unintended) queer elements of it, such as Will and Jerry's growing relationship and so on.

So you can probably imagine how heartbroken I must've felt. In general and as a queer person.

I have only seen the film recently, but I have become strongly invested in it: wanting to create fanworks for it (esp since this is such an obscure fandom) and such.

But now I find it hard to reconcile my liking of the film/its lore and universe and works that inspired it, with the fact that the person who created it sympathizes with a politician who's locked children in cages, whose policies hurt dozens of marginalized groups and who courted far-right groups which, among other things, want a world where people like me don't exist. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

So as of now, I am going through this process of recovery. I mean, it's not the first time I found out an author/s of my fav is/are "problematic"... But I feel like this is the first time it truly hit me this hard.

[cardigans-and-bowties]

Lots of 2-4am feelings 

CW: transphobia, murder, ableism, police brutality, and a lot of worldsuck. Also religious/spiritual stuff toward the end apparently.... I didn’t plan it, it just happened.....

I'm literally talking about researching anti-trans murder ... .Also very emotional and therefore unnuanced in ways that it might be if I were to actually discuss these issues with someone......

I don't really know who to talk to about this because most of my friends that I would tell are asleep or just really shouldn't be put through the emotional labor of listing to this. So I'm mostly just venting. I'm editing biographies for my LGBT group's Transgender Day of Remembrance event. It's certainly not the first time I've stayed up at some ungodly hour recording things about people we've lost (the first 1000+ on the list we have and then some), but it's not like it stops being sad. I've felt different about it throughout the year and a half I've worked on it, but the anger is sad, the defeated is sad, the hope that we can make it better is sad, the numbness is sad. 

I'm not sure there's much more disheartening than trying to find the birthday of a dead person despite the fact that you know that you probably won't find it. This also isn't the first time I've done this. There are a lot of folks who don't have recorded ages, let alone birthdays. But I thought maybe *just maybe* in the age of technology I could find the birthday of someone who died in the US in 2010. But after seeing an article about how the murderer's lawyer made a joke that killing a trans sex worker wasn't that bad, I had to stop. And this was after spending a half an hour reading and rereading the details of Simon Bush's murder (and finally finding the sentencing date of the murderer) and thinking about how many ways it could have been stopped and how fucked up the whole system is. 

Just in the US, if the legal system gave a shit about the mentally ill, Simon's murderer wouldn't have been able to kill them. If the legal system gave a shit about the mentally ill trans people, Kayden Clarke and Sean Hake wouldn't be dead. If the legal system gave a fuck about mentally ill trans women of color, Kiwi Herring and Laverne Turner wouldn't be dead. If the legal system gave a shit about trans people of color, Rae'Lynn Thomas's killer - her mother's ex-boyfriend who was apologetically transphobic towards her - would have been investigated as though he had committed a hate crime and Marsha P Johnson's murder wouldn't have been written off as a suicide despite a still unknown murderer bragged about killing her at a bar the day after. If the legal system gave a shit about transgender people, most of the people on this list wouldn't (in all likelihood) have murderers who have never seen a night on the inside of a jail cell for what they did. 

This really doesn't even scratch the surface of the tip of the iceberg in a glance of how trans people are abused by the US legal system (and I didn't even touch on how people are treated in jail... I know there are people that I've read about who died misgendered and ignored in jail but I just don't have the energy to dig that deep right now). This isn't even looking at the role that class plays. This isn't even looking at it on a global level - nearly every fucking country is guilty. Thousands of deaths aren't acknowledged because they are legal in some countries. Over 800 trans people have been recorded as being murdered in Brazil alone. European countries aren't exempt either. People are still murdered - still pushed to suicide. 

Shit like this doesn't happen out of nowhere. A bunch of people don't decide "hey lets kill that person that look trans" for no reason. Boyfriends don't kill their girlfriends because theyre scared of their friends discovering she's trans by some fluke one-person "crazy"-man decision. Multiple doctors don't just refuse to treat a dying trans person because they're an asshole in the vacuum of space. There is context for everything. An infographic went around recently about rape culture and how passing comments reinforce the jokes which reinforce the catcalling which reinforces larger, more physically violent acts. Its the same thing here. 

Cis people still wonder why trans people have to make such a big deal about pronouns or names. Or complain that they "can't enjoy anything because all the LGBTs are so fucking sensitive". I’ve seen three separate fucking facebook threads about gender reveal parties - all of which featured a pack of Cisgender Susannes saying “we just can’t enjoy anything anymore” or “well I don’t see a problem with it”. Your joke is not more important that someone's mental health. Your comfort is not more important that someone's safety. 

I was angry for such a long time. I still am - but anger used to be the main emotion - I was in a rage at everyone. I was hopeless. Now I'm trying my damnedest not to be. I've gotten to the point where I am forcing myself into some kind of hope. I am reaching for anything to make me feel like this world doesn't hate queer people. I am doing everything I can so that my walk on this earth can make it easier for the people who walk on it after me. Sometimes it is fucking hard. When it's 1am and I still cant so much as find a last name and age for someone killed in 2010 (because she was trans and homeless) it's hard not to be pissed the world. When it's 2am and I'm looking at Leelah Alcorn's last typed words again, reading for the 1000th time her age and thinking for the 1000th time "she was so fucking close to being able to get out of that house", remembering the names of the other teens who died the same way she did because the world around them treated them like they were sub-human, remembering that 41% of transgender people attempt suicide because of this shit place, remembering that we don't have anything close to accurate number to know how many actually do commit suicide, it's hard not to be pissed at the world. 

I worry myself fucking sick worrying if one of my friends could be next. They take public transport,  they go to protests - my best friend has sent me pictures from an STL police line featuring full riot gear. Most queer people I know are mentally ill. I am worried fucking sick. I see the numbers and I just have to suppress what I can as far as this personal worry goes. 

I think the only reason I'm not completely jaded (if you can believe it) is God and the fact that we were made and that we are loved and that we are all connected to each other through that. We are bigger than us and we were made to love each other - to be each other. Everything is connected. The systems I talked about earlier - they're all connected. But they were created broken. I have no faith in that. But if we were created by something perfect, that means there is hope for people. As fucking cheesey as it sounds, if we loved each other - genuinely listened and tried to understand - there would be so much less pain. I think a lot about how this connection goes both ways. That's how empathy works. That's why oppressions are connected. The genuine understanding and emotions and ability to help each other so deeply is so beautiful. That is the main thing that keeps me from being hopeless. If we focus on healing ourselves and each other it has the potential to reach others. If I spread good in this world, it will affect more people than I know. And that is how change can happen. It starts from the individual and it spreads. Each person affects each person and that has the opportunity to be so beautiful and I have to hold on to that hope. The world only changes through people. As shitty as everything seems, it can be less shitty if more people are trying. By God’s grace, we can find still love in a world that produces this many volumes of pain.

I dunno, ya'll (I say as if someone will have read this far down this wall of 3am rambling). I'm just having a lot of feelings. I've got to keep doing what I'm doing - helping people, being a better person, trying to do what I can to do anything to help this fucked up world, keeping just one person from having to feel as much pain..

[le-koko-butter-blog]

John's Erotic Self. TFP meta reading.

Introduction

I recently re-watched The Final Problem and jotted down some notes regarding things I have yet to read in other meta here on tumblr. Perhaps, they are addressed on someone's blog but I have yet to come across it. Now, I can be completely and utterly wrong. As I was writing it, it felt super duper meta but it made a lot of sense to me. Feel free to add or correct what I have written. I'm putting this out here for a discussion about the text.

In order to even read this, you have to subscribe to or entertain the idea that TFP is from John's mind bungalow perspective. If you aren't of this opinion, you'll likely think everything I am saying is nothing but embellished bullshit. I assure you, I'm being entirely sincere.

The notes follow the events as they are laid out in the episode since I wrote down bullet points as I was watching. I was going to include pictures but alas, I am lazy.

Analysis

The Final Problem displays every genre but romance and yet, in its entirety it is a romance. There was a post going around that compared the cinematic shots to other films. The dialogue and the music are also genre-specific. I was tipped off initially because of the outrageous clown sequence at the beginning. I thought that they would go through all the movie genres and end up in romance but they did the opposite. This baffled me and made me lose confidence that I knew what the hell was going on (that was just the tip of the iceberg). There was no romance, partly because all the genre switches serve a function to highlight the fact that indeed BBC Sherlock is a romance as we have always known ever since S1E1. Of course, there is a lot of meta out there already talking about how the show is perceived versus how it really is. (I suspect that that Bond article Gattiss replied to was planted just to put the idea of Bond and shitty movies into our head).

If we also extend this to John's mind, the fact that he deliberately avoids romance is pretty telling. He's afraid to even consider it in fear of its implication. I think this is the theme to the whole episode. Romance is just another word for erotic love. We tend to think of it as something naughty or bad and certainly John has this assumption but Eros as a type of love is named explicitly to separate it from the other types. We are tipped off that Eurus is a Greek name. Well so is Eros. Eros is the erotic love (hence the root word), philia is friendship, agape is like a broader kind of love, a love for humanity, that Jesus kind of love. You can easily google this if you're interested.

Eurus=John erotic self. This is not a stretch. In T6T they made the phonetic leap from ammo to amo. This seems a bit of a reach honestly since these are two common words. To me it's like bowl and bowel. Perhaps I have this impression since I live in a city that has a high population of Spanish speakers. I would also think it is somewhat common knowledge for English speakers. This is just an assumption of course. The phonetic link between Eurus and Eros is less of a stretch since the pronunciation of Eurus sounds almost the same as Eros to many of us. The actors routinely pronounced it differently since that round gutteral Euuurr sound is a bit difficult. I can't say it without mimicking her voice. 

Going forward with the idea that Eurus is John's erotic self, it's interesting to note that Eurus looks a lot like Sherlock compared to her other disguises. She has a wonderful mass of black curly hair that starkly contrasts her vibrant blue eyes. This is interesting since John has only seen her with reddish hair as the girl on the bus, light brown hair as the therapist, and coming from Sherlock's report, blonde hair when she was pretending to be Faith. 

In the initial scene at 221B, I noticed the painting of a man that is directly behind John in the living room is dark. Now, I'm sorta new to tjlc so I'm not sure if you guys decoded this already. I always thought it looked like John or a young William Shatner (The Kirk/Spock thing again?). We don't get a good look at it but it's a white man with blondish short hair. From my recollection, it's always lit. Curiously, it's dark in TFP. Perhaps, this represents John in some way. It's dark suggesting that's he's unconscious. I could be reading into it though. You all tend to be better with the sets. 

Under the assumption that Sherrinford=sherlock, one may assume that Sherrinford is a code word for Sherlock that Mycroft uses and not an actual place. And is it just me or the goddamn place looks like a penis? Anyhow, Eurus is kept secure deep in Sherrinford. Deep, deep down there is that erotic love (Eurus) at the center of John's image of Sherlock. At least, that's how I read it. Perhaps I am off.

 The next scene is in the plane. There is an empty baby seat in the aisle. The little girl looks at it briefly. I of course, think this is baby Rosie in some way. It's interesting that it's empty. I'm not sure what this symbolizes yet. Perhaps it's saying the babe ain't real or perhaps it represents the betrayal of Mary or the emptiness of John's life as a father married to Mary.

 Another interesting thing that I noticed is that throughout the episode all the deductions are freaking absurd. They sound more like the jokes that people throw at Sherlock, like did you know what college I went to by the coffee stain on my shirt? That kind of stupidity. I think that's another clue that we are in John's mind because John's isn't really able to follow Sherlock's deductions. They seem to make sense but not really. They are terribly far fetched.

 Now, you can totally disagree with me on this next point. But I believe the violin playing=sex. As soon as Sherlock plays his own song, Eurus interprets it instantly as sex even though the song sounds absolutely nothing like sex. It's rather somber. But we should recognize it as Irene's theme. John in TLD mocked Sherlock asking him if they had random sexual rendezvous. He's suspicious and massively jealous that Sherlock has had sex with Irene.

Eurus says something so interesting in this scene. She says something along the line that "The man who sees through everything, doesn't see it." In the dream world it's the glass. This of course, is laughable to us as the audience but just for second, think what it means symbolically. She keeps directing him to it, but he can't see it. Sherlock's super observant but for some reason he can't tell that John wants him, can't tell that the glass isn't really there. Oddly enough, the company is elephant glass. John is aware that he desires Sherlock and can't believe that Sherlock who can read other people so easily can't see this.

This little exchange between them is fascinating to me because there is an element of philosophy here that isn't totally ridiculous like the stuff we've heard from her before. My personal favorite is the whole shitey lot is "happiness is a pop song, sadness is poem." Like ok, what next level emo shit is that? The dialogue that I find interesting is when Sherlock mentions that her playing is beautiful. She says she doesn't know if it's beautiful, only that it's right. Sherlock then replies that they are often the same thing. Eurus immediately answers then what's the point of beauty? So to Sherlock, all things beautiful are right. However, Eurus doesn't believe that they are the same thing. Some things are beautiful and wrong. Now, John recognizes the beauty in Sherlock (this sounds corny but it is after all, a necessity to romance) but at this point John thinks his desire for Sherlock is wrong. It isn't right. He's beautiful but it isn't morally right.

Much has been said about the awful rape lines and I agree with what has been posited by other bloggers that John is further demonizing his sexuality since John is likely bisexual. 

Simultaneously, John, Mycroft, and the governor are sitting in the dude's office talking about Eurus' mind control. I think besides the obvious genre level stupidity that we see in many Hollywood films, I think for the meta, it is saying that giving Eurus your attention will compromise you, meaning giving attention to your dark sexual thoughts compromises oneself, and subsequently makes one dangerous and out of control. It's not uncommon for people to link sexual desire with the inability to control oneself. I think this further demonizes John's desire. The only practical solution is to ignore it altogether. They really don't have the option though since Eurus won't be ignored any longer.

Going back to the convo between Sherlock and his sister, John further demonizes his sexuality, turning something beautiful into something horrible. Eurus mentions Sherlock's laugh. She says it's her favorite thing. John must love the sound of Sherlock's laughter. She talks about making him laugh all night and it makes you wonder if Sherlock and John stayed up all night laughing and John all the while was extremely sexually aroused by him. This seems almost like it would be a tender moment between Eurus and Sherlock but Eurus (/John) immediately switches this to screaming. John thinks his desire would harm Sherlock in some way.

But it doesn't really matter because again, Eurus is taking over the prison and John is losing his ability to control his desire although he fights it. When Eurus finally attacks Sherlock she screams for everyone to come in and stop her from killing Sherlock. John is evidently fighting with himself.

Finally Moriarty (the manifestation of all evil gayness) shows up. What's interesting is the Queen song. People have already talked about the song's themes and what it says about coming out and embracing your sexuality. But Moriarty, the evil gay takes out the earbuds right before the word 'love.' John is still unable to see that these desires can be connected to love. His homosexual desire can in no way be connected to love. This is why all the villains in the episode are queer coded because John villain codes all queerness. One thing that strikes me is how Sherlock is interestingly less flamboyant in this episode. Like this is the same guy who used the phase "alarming shade of pink" and z-snapped as he screamed to some rando at the bar that he knew ash.  

But anyway! Back to TFP. In the flashback, the glass is clearly there when Moriarty meets Eurus. Her reflection can easily be seen. I wonder what the glass is supposed to symbolize. I wonder if it's some form of truth. The glass is not there when Eurus, John's erotic self is visited by Sherlock because there really is nothing separating them but it's present when Moriarty shows up. Moriarty and Eurus although supposedly want each other, they actually, in truth don't touch. This is perhaps a stretch. I'm just theorizing here. This just may have to do with the fact that Eurus doesn't think to take over the prison until Moriarty shows up. Not that that makes sense or anything. The surface plot of TFP makes little sense.

A random aside: Eurus mentions a so called brother of Moriarty and says he's as stationmaster. I wonder if in John's mind he is thinking of Culverton Smith.

The killing of the Governor's wife instance is really interesting because I honestly believe that it's about Mary. She is the wife after all. John curiously, is unable to kill the guy. I thought he would be able to honestly, since he is soldier and has killed people and really only a fool would think not executing the guy would not end up in the wife's death as well. But what's significant for John is he can't go against his moral code (this is brought up a couple times in the ep). He can't go against it even if it results in causalities such as the wife's death. You can certainly guess what option he'd make in those stupid hypothetical train games. 

Mary is brought up and the Gov asks what he would do to bring her back. John doesn't answer. What are we supposed to deduce about what really happened to Mary? I don't know if I'm looking at this too deeply but Mary's death and John's involvement is freaking fishy (that wasn't an aquarium pun btw). Also later on the 3 Garidebbs room, John shouts that his "priorities got a woman killed." Hmmm....

 Now to the Garrideb scene: There is red paint on the walls. I hope its paint and not blood. Mycroft mentions that it is still fresh. This reminds me of the text in T6T, "fresh paint to hide a smell."  There's a huge window with an ocean in the background. I think it's already been established that water is feeling. This isn't unique to the show. That's actually a rather old belief. That's why the water zodiac signs, Pisces, Cancer, and Scorpio are thought to be ruled by their emotions. The deductions Sherlock and Mycroft here again make no sense. At least to me they don't. They deduce that the guy had laser eye surgery because of his nice clothing. This is absurd. Again, John doesn't quite understand the route of Sherlock's thinking.  

 The Garrideb story is literally and figuratively dangling in front of the viewer under the clear assumption they would know the significance of this story to Doyle's canon and yet, they gloss over it. I think they were trying to rip the heart out of everything and make it just a cold, boring case with forced stakes.

Afterwards, John is furious and Sherlock turns to him and says "Don't let Eurus distract you. Soldiers today." The soldiers thing comes off super bro, no homo and I think in a way it's meant to. John was an actual soldier. Largely being a soldier is about "duty," selflessness, and suppression for the greater good-well, supposedly. If John thinks of his desire for Sherlock as selfish and bad, he would naturally repress it under the guise of being a soldier. If you remember at Sherlock's grave in TRF, one of the most heartbreaking and powerful things John does is straighten up and stand like a soldier. You could see him crumbling underneath this futile attempt at control.

They then enter the next room and discuss the little girl on the plane. They agree that they have to get the girl to crash or land in the sea. Again, the sea and water are symbols for emotion. Later we find out that the little girl is Eurus. Eurus is John. So, it is really John that has to land in the water. He has no other choice. The only thing is whether or not Sherlock will save him or doom him.  

Next to the infamous "I love you" scene. I sincerely believe the coffin is clearly John's. The headroom shouldn't be unnecessary so why does Sherlock cut off a couple of inches? Maybe I don't understand coffins. He deduces that it's Molly because she's unmarried, practical about death, and alone...Why can't this be Irene Adler? There is no real logic in the deduction to be Molly. Most of what he says from the coffin before Mycroft looks at the lid is downright dumb speculation honestly. He assumes that it's cheap and therefore the person is unloved. One can easily say their family was poor. But anyways, it's a dream and John believes that Sherlock pulls shit out of thin air. All that really matters is that Molly is a mirror for John. She's loved Sherlock forever or at least John thinks so. The first time he meets Sherlock, Molly comes in with coffee and Sherlock remarks cruelly that her lips are too small. John could tell that Molly liked Sherlock. Molly to me comes off super ooc. She's usually rather mousey but she's somewhat forward and aggressive in TFP. She has more traits of John than she normally has. I think what's important is that she's always loved him and John has always loved Sherlock. All the ASIP reminders as well as Sherlock running up the stairs at Lauristan Gardens in HLV's mind palace to get back to John the first time he left him suggests that the two were in love at first sight. (I would love to discuss this further but I feel that someone already wrote meta on this).

 However, like John, Molly needs Sherlock to say it first. People have already discussed this, John in addition, is super emotional in this scene. Of course, he cares for Molly but he just looks downright dejected especially after the confession.

 "Saved Molly Hooper?" This line rings awful and trite. But they are utilizing the themes of genre and all it's cliches. I think what this line is actually saying about John is that he is afraid of love, he thinks it will destroy him no matter how it happens, through his own death or through the heartbreak that Sherlock doesn't really love him, that even if Sherlock says it to him, it'd be forced and empty. He thinks he's meaningless to Sherlock the way Molly thought she was meaningless to Sherlock in TRF. Again, the discussion of John's lack of self-worth has been largely discussed.

 A random aside. Molly's message machine: Dead Center of Town? Is that a morgue joke? The timer is also really incorrect and suggestive of a dream. I may be wrong about this but that last 30 seconds felt super long.

 The next scene is where Sherlock has to shoot one of them. Mycroft's words are of course how John sees himself especially in relation to Sherlock who he practically worships. He thinks he's a "stupid little man, little scrap of ordinariness," and that Sherlock can easily "find another". Again people talked about this before in other posts.

 What's interesting and also infuriating about this scene is that John doesn't actually do anything. Throughout the episode he merely gets dragged along.  His inaction is glaring when Sherlock puts a gun to himself and John doesn't intervene. This is his dream and he can't control his subconscious. Again, he thinks Eurus (his desire) is an unstoppable threat to Sherlock.

 Also, I kinda like this scene despite John's silence because it shows how underneath all his annoyance with Mycroft, John thinks he is a good guy.

The music as well, sounds straight up like a Bond movie during this scene. I'm not familiar with Bond but it sounds like the stuff they have playing during the trailers.

After they all hilariously get darted, Sherlock wakes up in that room with the cut up pictures on the wall of Sherlock and Mycroft's child selves. Escaping from his confines, Sherlock literally breaks down the four walls. Others have stated that not only is this a call back to the queen music video but this is metaphorical to what the episode and the creators are doing, breaking  down the so called 4th wall and interacting with the audience.

Meanwhile, John is in a deep well, chained to the bottom submerged in water. Again water is feeling, water is love. John is chained to the bottom drowning in his love but Sherlock can't reach him. It's hidden in some place no one knows where, no one but Eurus. So the key to saving John from the well is Eurus, the key to saving John from drowning in his love for Sherlock is reconciling with John's erotic self. In less fancy terms, if John doesn't have sex with Sherlock he will figuratively drown in his overwhelming love for him. This show is so over the top dramatic in its romance that I am inclined to believe it is actually a 15 year old gay boy's modern angst filled Sherlock AU. But I'm all for it, it's so damned romantic I can hardly think about it before my mind explodes. This is also why the rope which is actually a chain btw saves him even though he was chained to the bottom of the well. Because the thing that John thought was oppressing him, the thing he thought was evil, his erotic desire is actually the thing that saves him. How fucking sexy is that?

Meanwhile, Sherlock confronts his crazy Charlie Manson sister. She threatens him to solve the final problem (Find redbeard through the song). Meanwhile the plane is shaking around the same time that the well is filing in with water. The scenes are shot back to back, connecting them, solidifying that the little girl is John. They are both crying for help.

Sherlock then realizes that Redbeard is actually Victor. We can tell by looking at the little kid that that kid is John. So, Redbeard=Victor=John. But Sherlock can't get to him until he reconciles with Eurus. Interestingly, Eurus compares herself to no one. She felt like she was no one. She was neglected, ignored. But in order to save John, Sherlock needs to connect to Eurus. It's the like most anti-no homo thing ever. There's no platonic blah blah. Connecting John's desire and John's love are essential for his survival. In fact, all of them are the same thing. They are all John. It is worth noting that everything is John but everything is about Sherlock.

Again, when we have the flashbacks of Victor, Eurus is talking about the deep water, how Sherlock always finds himself here. The deep water though, in my opinion is almost always John expressing his love for Sherlock.  We get a flashback of the pool and the Reichenbach falls. At the pool in the Great Game, John with a chest full of explosives attempts to sacrifice himself for Sherlock. Sherlock is startled by this and it's probably the first time that Sherlock knew that John cared for him. During The Abominable Bride, John shows up at the Reichenbach falls and saves Sherlock. Interestingly, the dark blue water from the aquarium bounces off Sherlock's face in the close up with the black back drop sequence suggesting perhaps that John protected Sherlock again at the aquarium. Maybe this has something to do with Mary again?

The song was addressed in an earlier post where someone impressively decoded it, realizing that the "I'm lost without your love" was added by Sherlock because just before you thought it couldn't get insanely more romantic, it had to go another mile. I still don't understand what the "seek my room." part is supposed to mean. Maybe it refers to something literal in the real world or perhaps it's sexually suggestive.  What's super important though is that Sherlock knows at this moment that the little girl in the plane is Eurus. This is essential to solving the final problem and saving John Watson. The little girl is the link between the different sides of John, the "friend" part of him, the Redbeard/Victor John and the "erotic" Eurus John. The girl is the both of them. The plane metaphor is where the literal falling in love thing comes in to play. John is falling in love and has been but he's so afraid of landing. He's so afraid of what it would do to him. He thinks it ends in death. He needs Sherlock to coax him through the landing. Cause yes, again it just gets even more fucking romantic.

 When Sherlock delivers the line "Open your eyes," it brought shivers down my spine. I bet money that is super prominent in the 4th episode.

He keeps saying, "this time get it right." It's referring to her killing Victor but it harkens again back to what is probably a bitch load of regrets John has, especially in marrying Mary and never acting on his feelings for Sherlock.

Then there is the Greg scene and the corny great guy, good guy thing that references ASIP. It just shows again what John thinks of Sherlock. This echoes again the "who you think I am is who I want to be" speech in TLD. Sherlock had always wanted to be the hero John thinks he is. In this scene, we see that John sincerely thinks that he already is this guy.

The whole "Emotional Context" thing is also important. Eurus kept bringing this up throughout the episode. John says to Sherlock in this scene that Sherlock gave her what she needed, emotional context and then says, "It is what it is." (The fkn johnlock line).  What John needed to realize what that the emotional context is central in accepting his erotic self. He needed to realize that his love for Sherlock is not impure just because he desires him. That in fact, a central part of that love is the desire. Consider as well that Sherrinford is surrounded by a huge ocean, a symbol of John's deep love for Sherlock.

The ending is weird as hell. There's a long violin duet between Sherlock and Eurus. I wonder what song they are playing. It sounds gothic as all hell. He plays a part, she repeats it, and then they play in concert together. Often people link love making to music. It sounds weird and gross since it's his sister but it's not really his sister.

Then there is the dreaded Mary speech. She is completely wrong about Sherlock and John. Someone said that Mary is heteronormativity and I agree. John thinks that he should be this straight guy who gets married and has babies, who occasionally gets to go on adventures with his bro. I'm not sure why they decided to end it this way. Maybe it's because the show is showing everything that it isn't, starting with the obvious genre switch, the ooc-ness, and the massive amount of plotholes. It appears like a shitty horror/action flick when in fact, it's actually a romance. All the characters are ooc but they really are presenting certain aspects of the characters (mostly different elements of john), and the plotholes are actually carefully laid out either to aid the genre switch or to add a physical image in the episode of feelings and thoughts (the chain for example).  Once you think it's symbolic and from John's Mind Bungalow, everything actually has it's place.

 Oh and the fucking dummy...what the hell, I feel like that's a symbol for me. After watching the episode over I can't believe I took it's seriously. It's actually so ridiculous that I'm shocked I took it at face value. I actually laughed a lot the second time around. That whole "Which one is pain" statement was so downright dumb and reminiscent of shitty teen horror flicks that I feel I should immediately have been alerted. But I was too invested in Johnlock that I just wanted them to kiss. I didn't want to think. I didn't care about the plot honestly.

On a final note, the Mary monologue also represents what history has done to Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson, kept them imprisoned in this little box, forcing them from realizing who they ACTUALLY are which of course, is gay lovers. ^_-

 If you come across this, please share with other interested meta writers who might have something to add or correct me on. Most of what I've written are musings. I still think I need to watch all 3 episodes in order again to flesh out my ideas but I thought some of y'all might be interested. 

[losebetter]

okay!! i’m going to make this post, since i’ve been asked this a few times by friends of mine, and i think it’s information worth sharing. y’all are probably very familiar by now with how i just do not shut up about masquerada: songs and shadows. i really don’t - and won’t. this is some of the most vital storytelling i’ve seen, and the design is too beautiful to pass up - you know. at the absolute least.

anyway, because of this, i’ve been asked how people can support the studio that made the game - and i have some answers to that!!

of course, the most obvious answer is. well. buying the game itself - the soundtrack is for sale, too! however, this is only the tip of the iceberg, i promise!

if you’ve bought the game (and if you like it, although that’s not a prerequisite for this, i suppose), one of the best things you can do is leave the game a review on steam. i can’t overstate how important this is - it’s like leaving a comment on a fic you like on ao3 (generous, only takes a few minutes, helps out the creator a TON) except, like, times a million. please do this, it goes a super long way!

whether you have the game or not, reaching out and communicating is an excellent way to show your support! there is a discord server occasionally visited by the developers, but also populated with our (currently tiny) fandom itself, and we’d love to have you! :D and speaking of the devs - they’re very diligent about questions, concerns, bug reports, etc etc both on that server and over at the game’s twitter account. this is a group of people that, in my experience, very much wants to be in touch with their fanbase, which is not only super helpful but really damn cool. also, spreading the word in general is extremely important in these early stages - i’ve seen fandom do some incredible things with word of mouth alone, and i can’t think of a project that deserves it more.

and of course, speaking of fandom: y’all, WE ARE SO TINY, BUT FIERCE. if i didn’t hella believe in this story and these characters, i wouldn’t be so passionate about all this - but i genuinely think this is gamechanging. the game has been unlucky as far as press attention goes, but. MY POINT IS: don’t overlook this one, guys. this isn’t the same lofty, pretty, empty fantasy world we’ve all seen - the stories this game tells are heartbreakingly alive, and full of hope despite the dark reality of the setting. the game balances beauty and horror on a perfect knife’s edge, about important, human things like dealing with guilt and loss, moving forward despite our mistakes or setbacks - forgiveness, trust, empathy, family, grief, faith - AND on top of it all, a queer narrative that hits every single mark in a BIG way. i know it’s a relative unknown in the face of other heavy-hitting titles this year, but man, i won’t stop talking about it and creating fanwork for it - and i hope you guys don’t, either! ;3;

there are very exciting things in the works as well that i feel i should mention - things like charity zines, giveaways, and other things to get the community involved. (based on the swag from their kickstarter back in the day, i am pretty willing to trust that it’s gonna be rad.) i’ll definitely keep folks posted as more of these things start showing on the horizon - but suffice it to say there’s still a ton of hard work going on behind the scenes, and if you have a passion for good people telling good stories, it’s definitely worth supporting in any way you can. ;v;

additionally, if you guys have any ideas or questions or anything, don’t be afraid to poke me about them! <3 WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER, ETC. thank you for listening!!

[fashiontrendin-blog]

The Dark Side of Viral Stories Meant to “Restore Your Faith in Humanity”

https://fashion-trendin.com/the-dark-side-of-viral-stories-meant-to-restore-your-faith-in-humanity/

The Dark Side of Viral Stories Meant to “Restore Your Faith in Humanity”

F

  rom the dancing Eid boy, to photos documenting the growth of Fiona the hippo, to dogs rejoicing at their owners returning from war, wholesome memes are supposed to be a source of guilt-free pleasure. It makes sense that your average social media user would develop an appetite for “pure” content in the era of multi-level irony, fake news and alt-right trolling; it’s a pleasant palette-cleanser. And it can feel inspiring to read that specific genre of viral news story in which people overcome extraordinary odds or extend random acts of kindness to their fellow human beings. (Eli Pariser built an entire business model around demand for this content when he founded Upworthy.)

Like many others, I was moved by the recent story of Tasia, the Walmart cashier who took time out of her lunch break to give Angela, a wheelchair user with cerebral palsy, a manicure after she was turned away from a nail bar. It was an act of unsolicited kindness that granted a woman the dignity she deserved — but it was one fueled by injustice on the part of a world that likely has and will continue to exclude Angela on the grounds of her ability. Tasia rightfully called out Da Vi Nails in a Facebook post for denying Angela service, asserting that she has the right to the same beauty treatments and pampering experiences as everybody else, especially considering disabled people spend so much of their lives being infantilized or dehumanised.

Tasia and Angela’s story is just one example of a wider trend. Look closely at the touching true life stories which spread across social media and you’ll find that, while they are presented as positive, they actually reveal some pretty ugly truths. Take the video of the Alabama teacher who cried tears of joy when she was gifted a car by the mother of one of her students after years of taking the bus to work. Courtney Adelaye, the parent in question, is the CEO of a successful hair care product company. Of all the coverage of this story online, few outlets if any addressed the fact that teachers are grossly underpaid, and not all of them are lucky enough to have the child of a generous business owner in their class.

Then there is the story of Walter Carr, who walked for almost 20 miles to his first day of work at a moving company, embarking on the eight-hour journey at midnight, walking beside busy highways and encountering stray dogs along the way. He was aided by police officers who drove him some of the way and was, in the end, rewarded with a car. Jenny Lamey, the customer whose house he walked all night to reach, started a GoFundMe to help Carr with his transport troubles, and raised more than $44,000. Of his ordeal, she said: “I think God helped him through.” It is far more likely he was motivated by sheer economic desperation.

It is understandable that The Washington Post and other news outlets would latch onto Carr’s extraordinary story, but it is also necessary to examine the structural problems that forced him to take such drastic action, including a lack of public transportation and a dearth of jobs with sufficient pay in his local area. We’re applauding the generosity and self-sacrifice of ordinary people like Lamey and Adelaye instead of holding the institutions at fault accountable.

Another warm-and-fuzzy news story details how a pregnant woman was “very humbled” when her co-workers donated their vacation days so she could spend more time with her new baby. The federal government gives workers the option to voluntarily transfer their paid leave days to another person — a particularly precious baby shower gift, considering the average worker in the U.S. can only expect ten days of paid leave per year, and maternity leave is not mandated. As an outsider, this is bizarre to me. Here in the UK, 28 days of paid leave per year is considered the baseline, and maternity pay is a statutory right.

What many of these “heartwarming” tales have in common is a working culture which places inordinate pressure on individuals

What many of these “heartwarming” tales have in common is a working culture which places inordinate pressure on individuals, coupled with a failure on the part of organizations to pay a living wage and offer sufficient parental or sick leave (not to mention a broader lack of transport infrastructure) which make it essentially impossible for workers to meet these demands without the assistance of a benevolent interloper.

According to Esquire’s Joanna Rothkopf, we love these viral moments because “they’re rare stories of compassion—because we see someone crying with joy, for once, and we cry, too… But they’re also inherently stories of a collective failure to make sure Americans have easy access to transportation and healthcare and maternity leave. They’re stories of how we neglect, and then happily weep when that neglect is temporarily sated.”

Another heartstring-tugging sub-genre of this phenomenon involves communities coming together to crowdfund an individual’s healthcare bill. This was touched on in an episode of Queer Eye’s second season; makeover recipient Skyler Jay, a trans man, had successfully crowdfunded his top surgery but still owed thousands of dollars in additional unexpected medical bills. This was swiftly glossed over in the episode, perhaps unsurprisingly; Queer Eye is wonderful in its focus on empathy and human connection, but it is also essentially a reality show about consumerism-as-self-care, and acknowledging that Skyler’s life remained full of financial obstacles at the end of the week-long shoot would have made for a less tidy, TV-friendly narrative.

Again, as somebody who is fortunate enough to live in a country with a National Health Service (albeit one which is woefully under-resourced by our own government), it makes me uncomfortable to think of somebody’s access to healthcare depending on the efficacy of their GoFundMe campaign, with the burden falling to marginalized people to prove that they are “worthy” of strangers’ generosity.

It’s understandable to seek out the positive in a negative situation, but to go “aww” at random acts of kindness without remaining critical of the social problems which necessitate them is to be willfully naïve. When a media outlet catches wind of a noble oppressed person being rewarded for their hardship, it will likely skew the story in the manner most likely to evoke an emotional response and therefore make it more shareable. I worry that the popularity of poverty-related stories which have been repackaged as fluffy human-interest pieces is damaging our collective ability to discern propaganda from real news in our feeds.

The government can feel free to make all the funding cuts it wants if there is a popular delusion that good old regular folks will step in to pick up the slack.

This trend also helps to perpetuate disturbing new social norms, such as relying on the kindness of strangers in lieu of any institutional support. The government can feel free to make all the funding cuts it wants if there is a popular delusion that good old regular folks will step in to pick up the slack. No need to invest in transportation infrastructure when workers can just walk 20 miles to “earn” a car — and why would you want socialized medicine when you can just ask random people online to cough up the money you need to cover exorbitant healthcare expenses?

When media outlets give these people the puff-piece treatment, they often fail to illuminate that such instances represent the tip of the poverty iceberg. What if you don’t have the kind of inspirational story that would make a great Hallmark Channel movie? What if you’re just one of the many ordinary people out there who’s struggling to make ends meet every single day without the help of a generous fundraising campaign? For every Walter Carr, there are countless people whose toil and suffering doesn’t go viral, who aren’t rewarded with a new car or financial assistance.

Today, as I write this, media outlets are praising school employees for donating their sick days so that a teacher who is battling cancer can attend chemotherapy. The story is getting the usual comments like “this just restored my faith in humanity” and “people are awesome.” And it’s true; every time an ordinary person goes above and beyond to help somebody else, it is worth commending. But they shouldn’t have to. We can’t rely on chance encounters or altruistic co-workers to help us work around fundamental institutional problems. We need solutions, not Band-Aids with smiley face on them.

Philip Ellis is a freelance writer and journalist from the U.K. You can follow him on Twitter @Philip_Ellis

Photo by Susan Wood via Getty Images. 

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