#and that's a religious experience on my end

[obligatorytfsideblog]

Nobody told me watching transformers one would be a fucking religious experience.

I am speechless holy fuck. I ain't gonna say anything but fellas this is by FAR the best tf movie. I didn't want it to ever end. My only complaint is that I didn't see magnus at all but I am also blind and an idiot so he may be there in the back vibing

[voxofthevoid]

Sometimes, I look at the three fandoms I'm active in and the fics with wildly different fuckeries* I'm posting for each one, and I feel vaguely apologetic toward the poor souls subscribed to me. RIP, your inboxes.

* Currently, we have noncon merman porn for MCU, dubcon (mild) monsterfucking for Bleach, and underage teacher–student for Jujutsu Kaisen. The doves are varying stages of dead and decayed and will continue to be so.

[spamsandsuch]

since i havent posted anything gaster related in, well, idk how long but its been a long time, i decided to prolly to give an update thats been in my au for awhile but i never actually posted abt it for some reason

so instead of two gasters now theres three. Rather than following the alternative gaster route it relates more to the shard theory now. Heres some concept art i drew recently

rough info under cut

One shard is “Aster” (first; renamed Aster because just calling him wingdings got kinda old and confusing)  and while he has a shard in their soul his body is a physical vessel part of the game (aka hes like a normal lightner that can interact w/ both light and dark world. I refrain from calling it the “real world” cuz the point of utdr is that its a game). He doesnt know this though and has no prior memories after “waking up” for the first time in the game, but they know something is up and thinks the dark worlds has something to do with it (hence why he is holding experiments relating to them). He sucks major ass though cuz he doesnt think of them or darkners as “real” and treats them as such bcuz he doesnt think their actions hold major consequences when interacting w/ darkners/darkworlds 

Second shard (middle) is currently unnamed (tho that may change) and is half physical and half part of the void (but how physical its body is fluctuates). He knows their reality is a game and is pretty content with that. He barely remembers his previous life but doesnt question it — he knows he just is, not what, why, or how. Because of that, he doesnt care what people call him because it doesnt matter much in the grand scheme of things. While knowledgable in many things, he also easily forgets things too as he sometimes has trouble recalling certain things. He also doesnt entirely understand emotions, but it knows he likes seeing or making living things happy so he is often kind to others. He is also well intentioned and genuine, but sometimes doesnt understand what may be good for others to hear. Because of this, he is willing to casually share with others the knowledge that the world is a game to the few people who know its existence, but doesnt recognize that this may be scary information to some. It is also the same gaster that convinced Jevil the world is a game.

Third one and last shard is also nameless (again, this may change) and completely part of the void—meaning, in the light and dark world he doesnt exist, but can still visit them. He cannot interact w/ anything, though, which he finds frustrating esp when observing the other two gasters. He has more memories of his previous life than the second gaster, but its still few as well as scattered—most of the time he cant make sense of them, which is also frustrating. His form is also never constant, but he struggles w/ coping with the inconsistency of his body so he tries to form like the other two gasters whenever he can to maintain his sense of self. He also knows the world is a game (for obvious reasons) but still recognizes that consequences that occur in the game have weight — whether negative or positive. As such, he has a stronger sense of judgement and morality when it comes to others but cannot act upon the majority of things because he barely exists — which is also something hes frustrated with; because he cant interact w/ the world, he concludes he’s incapable of guiding or helping others. The only other being he can actually communicate w/ is the second gaster, he later finds out though; as a result, he often sticks to hanging out with the second gaster for company and also because seeing Aster’s actions make him feel sick. Additionally, he feels a weird sense of kinship with lightners and darkners for some reason — but especially darkners. He sorta almost sees them as his children, but doesnt entirely know why. 

[dykedvonte]

Danse has to get homesick In Sanctuary. Like despite being uncertain of how much his past is real including times with the Brotherhood, those memories were home. The Brotherhood was home especially the Prydwen.

No matter all the comfort and the luxuries SoSu could put to make him feel more relaxed or like it’s his space it’s still not home. It’s so unique to him cause everyone else has a home in a sense. A thing or place they can come and go to as they please while Danse doesn’t. He can never go back to the people he considered family and they can never go to him without serious consequences. It doesn’t help that (due to his own faults and beliefs) a good majority of the new people in his life do not exactly like him.

It’s so isolating for him as the wasteland is also a different culture in general. Theres so much he’s not used to vs what he is. But all in all I think that’s a good thing. I feel as if Danse had a better arc in game it would 100% have him learning or developing a sense of home before a sense of self. I think it gets overlooked that Danse is a person that likes or feels like he needs to belong to something. A cause, a philosophy, a mission. He needs a goal. He must learn to live for himself and his purpose but it’s clear he wants to find that through something which is why he latches onto the Sole Survivor after rather than just wander the wastes. He needs something, anything to base a sense of self on at this point in time and who better than the person that opened their home to him in the first place.

He’s a dude that needs a foundation or home to ground himself on or else he doesn’t know what to do with himself or even start.

[originalaccountname]

“Maybe Chuuya is just an extremely deep sleeper and so never remembers his dreams” ← As someone who never remembers their dreams, I always assumed this was the case lol. It’s always so interesting to hear other’s thoughts/theories on this though!

@whathorselegs also brought up in their tags that what Chuuya experiences could be night terrors (different phenomenon from nightmares), with no memory of them (common). This is also something that could come from his trauma.

This is a fantasy/sci-fi setting, so anything is possible, but it's also an option that Chuuya misinterpreted something very banal as more serious than it was. I've seen multiple times the headcanon that Chuuya would be aro/ace and load that with the rest and alienate himself from "being human" because of it. The "no dreaming" part could very well be the same situation. Everyone dreams. You just normally don't remember most of it.

[st5rcrest]

Will you please please please make a part two to “you’re alright where you are” on AO3. The ending was too sad and I physically can’t take it.

Per my doctor I'm not allowed to write happy endings my b king

[antimnemonic]

alright hhhhh im just posting this to vent feel free to offer input but don't feel obligated to care

I've had some bullshit trouble finding a place to live starting june. bad locations messy ppl im not paying 1k a month to be stuck a year in a 3 room apartment with a half dozen animals out in the sticks

i found something slightly below my standards and under budget and only for two months! perfect, resets the clock

unfortunately. 3rd floor. no elevator. it's been 3773473 degrees everyday for like a month now, i have a bad leg, not particularly a lot of energy, im gonna have to do this again two months from now--

also my moving window is very small 😬

I've already resolved to not bother with decorating or fully unpacking since we plan to have a new apt by the end of july

im considering then, honeshtly, to just chuck my stuff in a storage unit for two months. I would have more time, it would be easier than going up and down three stairs in egg frying weather, i probably wouldn't injure myself-- and so i would only take my work clothes summer outfits and devices

but also like. ok im not like MORALLY OPPOSED to storage units but they're so materialistic..... im paying to just put my stuff somewhere, it's absurd to just think about. I feel like i rarely use most of this junk but idk how to go about in getting rid of it. i miss when I was freshly independent and on-and-off homeless and all my stuff fit in the back seat of a friend's car

[cookinguptales]

Thank you so much for the tarot reading you did for me a little while back 💜 i'm sorry it's taken me so long to say that! i do rather think you have prophetic gifts, by the way- it was spookily accurate and helped me a lot 🔮

No problem! I'm glad it was helpful to you!

I do tend to get at least one message like this every time I do a tarot night for my followers, and like... you are totally entitled to that belief! What do I know about psychic phenomena and prophecy anyway? lmao. Maybe I am psychic.

But personally, I believe that tarot has a high likelihood of speaking to us no matter what, if just because the archetypal nature of the cards means that they're dealing with problems that we all struggle with. We all have self-doubt, we all have complicated relationships with money, we all crave love of some kind. We all have trauma in our past and we all want to believe that this time, things could be okay.

One of the reasons I like tarot cards is because they are inanimate objects that we imbue with meaning. They were just playing cards, y'know? We're the ones that gave them power over us, and we did that by filling them with our own stories. We placed a mirror in those cards, and while mirrors can be used for scrying, they can also just be used to take a good hard look at ourselves.

If I say "oh, you've had money troubles in the past," who doesn't that apply to? Maybe I'm thinking about me, when we were homeless for a while when I was a kid. Maybe someone else is thinking about the money they lost to gambling last week. Maybe someone else, someone wildly wealthy, is thinking about a stock market crash that brought their five mansions down to two. Maybe a final person has just never had quite enough to make ends meet. God knows that describes a lot of people.

I like tarot because we can all look at the same spread and see something different. I see a story to tell to the best of my ability, and that's how I do readings. But for the people getting those readings, they're often looking into little mirrors and seeing how they reflect their own personal experiences.

Because, you know, we all see different things in the same mirror! That's how tarot works, I think. Maybe some people are a little better at reading things in that mirror and interpreting what they see there, but we all see something new and different and deeply, deeply personal when we look at those cards.

Love that for us.

[dolokhoded]

simon peter is the funniest apostle to work with because in theory he's the most loyal, most by-the-book of the apostles so you'd expect him to be the most logical and collected one but 80% of his concerns (pre crucifixion then everything went downhill and they all died) are that he has a crush on every person he encounters

[athenasdragon]

This week I've been allowing myself to be sad when I look back at pictures from college. It's been long enough now that I'm starting to see the girl in the photos as a separate person from my current self and I feel really bad for her. Last week I was putting some pics together for a talk and I found one in my second year of college, coming out of a year of really intense homesickness and anxiety, about a month into what I didn't know yet was a lifelong chronic illness, holding up one of my research samples and smiling because I was still getting a lot of enjoyment out of my research assistant job. And then just weeks later that lab would cease to exist when my first mentor got (justifiably) fired--something I've spent six years stewing over as I've continued my career in their field.

Those years I had some of the best times in my life and met some of my favorite people in the world, and found the career I'm now very happy to be in, and went on to have other better mentors who continue to be there for me, and and and. But looking at pics is like wow, I was so sick here, I was so sick here, I was having panic attacks on this vacation, this is when the barber told me my hair was falling out from stress and malnutrition, this is the first time I had seen this old friend in a while and I cried after because I thought she didn't like me anymore, I was so sick here.

Fortunately the contrast is so stark because I'm really quite happy in my life right now. But yikes. Acknowledging how bad things got was pretty much impossible while I was in it, but I can sure see it in retrospect.

[acotars]

ever since the archangel michael killing satan i’ve been trying to capture both ends of the splinter ! the visible part between my fingernails and the part still in my finger !!!!! ever since i can remember… since the day before they split … iiiiiiii’ve been trying to capture some realm i don’t know yet !!!!!

[heartevent]

Not to give the astrology girls credit but this actually has been the craziest full moon I have ever experienced. The place I lived in most of my life and only moved away from just a couple months ago had a road collapse and ponds drain and that hasn't happened in over 100 years. The house I lived in during the most critical period of my teenage years flooded. The road that collapsed was less than a mile from this home, and that house was the one I faced the most domestic abuse in. It was about two weeks away from having its sale finalized. About a week ago, one long term friend and I came to a mutual agreement to end our friendship for the sake of our growth, but come late Saturday night one of our even longer term friendships had a personal problem with it, used my sexual assault as ammo against me, and tried to pit all of our friends against me (it didn't work). I've been friends with her for a decade, but I told her after this we aren't friends anymore, and I know we never will be again. Right after making this decision, I had to bury a dead baby pigeon in a place that is not my own, one that's far from my home, as its parents watched me perched from above. In the midst of this, someone I love deeply and have been praying for a reconciliation with approached my best friend to ask about me and see where I'm at currently, and my mom and I told each other how much we love the other and how thankful we are that our relationship was healing, and I know she meant that from the depths of her soul. This has all occurred between 11pm on Saturday and last night, and despite the turmoil all I can feel is a deep, deep connection to all of whom came before me and all who will come after, and I feel so loved. All I can do is marvel at the beauty of life, and honor the rebirth occurring right before my very eyes. I drained my full vape in one day yesterday. Shit's crazy.

[kjzx]

I've been thinking a lot about my sexuality these last few years, I'd even say sometimes obsessing to an unhealthy degree, and I think I've come in terms with the fact I almost certainly am bisexual and denying that is pretty lesbophobic and frankly dumb in many ways, and mainly cruel towards myself. Gonna be reading up on internalized biphobia and whatnot

[arcaneyouth]

You're so real for the kin posts, btw. I'm not a kinnie but I was for a while, and the one time I was open about it on main I got shit on so I kept that private and only within a small friendgroup who also kinned. I *did* end up having DID, but that's a different matter lol. It's just rude people shit on others for doing stuff that isn't hurting others

literally if its not hurting anyone, no one should be made fun of. it is so fucking horrible that its normal to make fun of people for it. there ARE times when it might be harmful, either to themselves or to others (remember no doubles. remember how wild that was. that was fucked), but even then there is no fucking reason to make fun of the beliefs. kinning is valid as hell!!!!!! i hope you still managed to have fun while you were kinning!

[munamania]

jo’s guitar solo in loose garment / aug 3 2022

[nomaishuttle]

outer wilds is so strong it is literally the first media In existance that i loved enough to make my blog be themed after it. i have an ow url. b4 this i literally never had a fandom url and i never had a fandom themed blog. aside from my hamilton roleplay side acct on quotev.com when i was 11 but thats neither here nor there.