#and that’s weirdly enough to be a sleeping disorder??

[lieximhuman]

Just curious :3 + if u wanna reblog with ur own experiences that would be nice too!

[withlovewriting]

All I Ever Knew, Only You 19: A Long, Hot Summer

Move like a typhoon, I'm just a flame, Smokey by nature, charmingly sane, See Golden Empires, Queens burning sage, Boys with their desires, Hearts in a cage, Please don't be in love with someone else, Please don't be in love with someone, Love with someone else

Summary: Hawkins was your typical quaint, mid-western town where nothing ever happened. People were born here, lived their entire lives within the town limits, and eventually died here, peacefully in their sleep. But one cold November evening in 1983 would change everything.

Despite a child with psychokinetic abilities and ravenous monsters that lacked faces, stranger things had definitely happened in the small town in Indiana. One of them being your reluctant and slightly imposed friendship with Hawkins High’s own King Bee, Steve Harrington.

Characters: Steve Harrington x Non-descriptive F!Reader (eventual)

Words: 7,640

Chapter Warnings: Forced proximity, a little bit of physical touching but nothing sexual, conversations about the death of a minor/trauma, aquaphobia, Billy Hargrove makes a return, explicit language. I think that's it.

Series Warnings: Strong language, mentions of underage drinking, mentions of drug use, canon-typical violence, mentions of alcohol abuse, mentions of possible mental health disorders, child abuse, slow burn, kinda enemies-to-friends-to-lovers, I like to call it ‘two idiots who begrudgingly befriend each other only to realize… ‘wait a damn minute…’, eventual sexual content, canon-typical time-period bullshit. 18+. Minors DNI.

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Taglist: @kezibear

Chapter Nineteen: A Long, Hot Summer

The intense heat only worsened as the summer of June ‘85 pushed forward. The scorching temperatures soared, the air thick with humidity, and you were sure you could fry an egg on the sidewalk.

Whilst you did have an old, slightly decrepit window air conditioning unit, it was barely hanging on, and you weren’t sure it would survive the rest of the summer, so instead, you willingly spent more time at the arcade, where the building was kept much cooler, if only so the machines didn’t overheat and set fire.

“Hey, hit the machine again, and I’ll bounce your head off it so hard that it cracks… And I don’t mean the screen.”

“I don’t think we’re allowed to threaten children, Andy.” You sighed, leaning against the counter as the boy stood next to you, baseball cap in his hand as he fanned it in front of his face.

Turning to you, the boy cocked a brow, his face otherwise remaining stoic, “And I don’t think I care. The little shits break those machines, it comes out of our paychecks.”

Ignoring him, you lifted one of many fliers that Keith had been sent around town to collect, advertising the new arcade in Star Court, waving it in front of you, copying the boy’s motions in an attempt to cool yourself down a little, “Is it just me, or is it ungodly hot in here?”

“It’s ungodly hot everywhere,” Andy began, and without seeing him you could sense the roll of his eyes,

“Yeah, I know that. But… It’s weirdly hot in here today. It was warmer yesterday but it didn’t seem this hot inside.”

The hot summer months always came with a few trivial issues, but today the machines had cut out once or twice, causing the already overheated kids to complain, moaning until you opened the machine and fetched their quarter, allowing them to restart their game.

The Slushee machine had been used non-stop, but the clunking noises it had been making for the last 10 minutes had made both Andy and yourself reluctant to use it.

“Jesus, who gives a shit-”

“Hey, man. How’s it going?”

The boy, Patrick, was on the basketball team with Andy, and although he seemingly lowered his standards enough to hang around with the goon and his gaggle of idiots, he didn’t seem as bad as Jason and the rest of the jocks. Whilst he had never caused or started any issues with other students, he had always been around when it happened and he’d never stepped in and stopped it. Always remained quiet in the background. Whilst it didn’t make him a bully, it did make him a coward.

“It’s hot as shit, and I’m stuck in this fuckin’ place, and she won’t shut the fuck up.”

You sent a glare toward Andy, a scoff falling from your lips as you continued to fan yourself, “Yeah, and you’re so delightful to be around,”

“What time do you finish?”

“Closing,” the boy huffed, arms folded over his chest as he glanced around the darkened room, “You know what, I’m taking an early lunch.”

Although it was typical for Andy to leave you in the lurch during the busiest time of day, you didn’t care enough to fight him on it, and when he came back, you’d take your own lunch and he could enjoy a taste of his own medicine. Andy made his way to the back room, most likely going to grab his wallet and clock out for lunch, but the sudden beeping from the Slushee machine caught your attention, a loud whirling noise before it stopped altogether, followed by a bang, which caused you to rush toward it a little too late, as red and blue slush began to leak all over the floor.

“Shit, shit shit!”

“Has it done this before?” The somewhat familiar voice spoke behind you as Patrick bent down next to you, a roll of paper towels in his hand as he passed some your way and tried to mop up the rest, despite it still dripping from the machine.

“I don’t think so, but the machines old as shit and-”

You were interrupted by another loud bang, and the large room was suddenly surrounded in darkness as only minimal light peeked through the large, blacked-out windows. The noise around you, although now lacking the usual hum of electronics and background noise of the games, was replaced with a shrill scream, and an eruption of shouting as what had happened caught up with everyone.

“It might be the breaker, probably overloaded in the heat. You know where it is?” You nodded, and Patrick continued, “You go look, I’ll stay and clean this up.”

Noting your apprehension, Patrick sent you a small, genuine smile, “Go, it’s fine. I got this.”

Pushing yourself up, you stepped forward before finding yourself on your back, sneaker slipping on the melting iced drink and sending you crashing back to the floor.

“Holy shit, that was hilarious.”

Another familiar voice, this time, the large grin was met with a vicious glare, but it was Patrick who spoke to his friend, “Andy, shut up. Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” you shrugged him off, allowing him to help you sit back up, navy work shirt now sticking to you, you turned your attention back to your co-worker, “You can’t leave right now. We gotta get this shit cleared up, and get everyone out. I need to ring-”

“Hey, everyone, get the fuck out, now!” Andy’s voice barreled through the stagnant air, causing many children to flinch before finally bolting to the door, angry and confused grunts of annoyance surrounding them as Andy all but herded the groups out, turning the sign to closed before returning his attention to you,

“There, did my part. Now since it doesn’t look like we’re gonna be able to reopen today, I’m heading out. C’mon, Patrick.”

“Dude, you can’t just leave her alone with all this shit to deal with-”

“Holy crap, what’s happened?”

Despite the closed sign, and Andy all but guarding the door, Steve had managed to push his way through, eyes squinting as they slowly adjusted to the much darker room.

“Great timing, Harrington, really. See, she’s not alone. Now let's go, McKinney.”

Your features grew softer as you took in his apologetic glance, eyebrows lifting slightly as if apologizing. Sending him a tight-lipped smile, you merely nodded, “Thanks for the help.”

Patrick finally removed his hand from your shoulder, as if only just noticing it was still placed there after helping you sit up, and carefully pushed himself to his feet, “Don’t mention it. Good luck with all of... this.”

Andy’s arm swung around the boy’s shoulders, all but dragging him out, causing Steve to side-step them just to avoid the larger boy’s shoulder. His brows remained pinched as he watched the two boys go, Patrick’s head turning only once to look back in your direction.

“What the hell happened here?”

Your attention turned to Steve — who despite only being in the small arcade for less than two minutes already had a thin layer of sweat glistening over his forehead — sending a glare his way as if he was the cause of all of this, “I have no idea. I think something overheated, and broke the generator.”

Pushing yourself to your feet, you pulled at the bottom of your navy work shirt, pulling a face as the sticky Slushee mix stuck it to your skin. Steve tried his hardest to keep his eyes on your face as you rang the excess liquid out of it, but as soon as you saw his eyes drop, you tugged your shirt back down, a painful weight that traveled from your chest to the scar across your abdomen, the shame causing you to turn away quickly.

“Have you, uh… Have you called anyone?”

“Like who, Harrington? Keith has the week off, and if you think my manager won’t blame me for this-”

“C’mon, then. It can’t be that hard.” Steve shrugged before making his way to the back rooms where the circuit breaker panel was, leaving you to scramble behind after him.

“I’m sorry, where did you get your degree in electrical engineering from again? Dumbass University? You can’t just flick a few switches and magically fix this.”

Catching up to the boy, you blocked the door where the breaker was hidden away in a closet smaller than the janitor’s closet in school. If any of you had to go in there, it wouldn’t be the trigger-finger-happy Steve.

“Just wait out here, alright? Make sure nobody comes in, and do not let this door shut behind me. The handles busted and it only opens from the outside. I don’t need you wandering off and leaving me to overheat and die in here.”

“I got it, just hurry up. It’s hot as hell.”

You sent a deathly glare to the boy who was acting as though you hadn’t been sweltering in this hellhole all day, before stepping into the muggy, dark room. It took a moment for your eyes to adjust despite the room being barely enough to fit yourself, the breaker box, and a mop and bucket.

“I can’t see anything,” you grumbled, wiping at your forehead with the back of your hand before you reached forward, finally touching the machine that felt a little too hot to be safe and you prayed you wouldn’t get burned. Or electrocuted.

Unsure of what to do now you were face-to-face with the panel, you gave the side a good, hard, whack. In your defense, you had never claimed to know anything about electrical boards, either.

“Jesus Christ,” Steve’s voice was a little too squeaky to sound natural, “I don’t think that’s gonna help.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Steve. I didn’t realize you were an expert. Please, why don’t you try.”

The boy scoffed, and although your back was still facing him, he knew that your brows were pulled together, an annoyed glare that frequented your face enough that he could tell so even with his eyes closed, or in this case, in the dark.

“Well, at least I wouldn’t just hit it-”

“-Only because it would hit you back, and win,” you huffed, still a little too afraid to touch any of the wires and instead turning to focus the glare that Steve knew was there, on him.

Steve’s own brows furrowed, arms crossing over his chest, “That doesn’t even make sense.”

Taking a step forward, you continued your misplaced annoyance, but the boy turned his head slightly, a noise out front distracting him from your tirade.

“Did you hear that?” Steve asked, his ability to be so easily side-tracked only irritating you more.

“No, Steve, I didn’t. But if you think that you can-”

“Shh,” he all but hissed, head tilting slightly as he strained his hearing.

“Do not shush me, Harrington-”

The loud, sudden thud caused you to both jump, Steve panicking at your widened eyes as he stepped forward, hand covering your slightly agape mouth as he all but backed you into the small closet, the only sound around you was the soft clicking of the door as it pushed gently against Steve’s back.

“What the hell was that?” You whispered, pulling his hand away from your face.

“I’m not sure, I think-”

“I don’t mean whatever that sound was, Jack ass. I mean this,” you waved your arms around as much as the small space permitted, “I told you not to let the door close, and now we’re both stuck in here.”

Looking around, as if he could see much in the dark, Steve cursed under his breath, “I wasn’t thinking-”

“Yeah, no shit, Harrington. Could you for one-second use more than 10 percent of your-”

This time, when his hand covered your mouth, you were more than a little tempted to bite him, but the hushed voices from out front stopped you in your tracks. Part of you wanted to call out for help, but the fear that it could be a bunch of hooligan kids, who would not only leave you trapped but raid the entire place stopped you. Even worse, it could be your manager.

“Who do you think it is?” Steve’s breath was warm, but minty on your face as he tipped his head slightly to speak into your ear. You hadn’t really taken in the forced proximity between you both until now as Steve’s chest rose and fell quickly, pushing against yours with every breath, his body too warm to stand with for too long.

Whoever it was, you could hear them stumbling around in the darkened room, and if you strained your ears enough, you could hear their hushed whispers once more. So, instead of responding, you remained silent, trying to figure out if it was safe to alert them to your presence. Steve, however, assumed you were ignoring him. And Steve didn’t do well in forced, awkward silences.

“I’m sorry.”

“Hm?” You questioned, eyes darting upward to watch the boy as best you could.

“I just… I dunno, I panicked, you know? I didn’t even think about the door until it, well... shut.”

“It’s… It’s fine. It’s not your fault. It’s just been a shitty day, but I shouldn’t take that out on you. You’re just trying to help.”

“You looked pretty happy earlier, when, uh…Whatever his name was here.”

Scoffing, you attempted to cross your arms, only to be blocked by Steve’s body, “I can assure you, I am never happy around Andy.”

“I didn’t mean him,” Steve interrupted, “I know that guy is an asshole. Was on the basketball team with him for long enough. I meant the other guy, Patrick, right?”

You were glad that the closet was dark as your eyes darted toward your sneakers, instead meeting Steve’s chest that was awkwardly pressed against your own, “Uh, I don’t really know him.”

“It seemed like you knew him well enough,” Steve shrugged.

Rolling your eyes, you fruitlessly pushed the boy’s shoulder, “Well, I don’t. He only comes in when Andy’s working. I’ve barely spoken to the guy.”

A low laugh fell from Steve’s lips, his breath hitting your face as he gently pushed you back, “Yeah, well. I know that look well.”

“What look?” Pushing him back once more, despite there not being any room for either of you to fall into, “There is no look. I don’t do looks. Plus, you can’t even see me, it's dark.”

“Not you, doofus,” Steve tried to dodge your hands as they returned the gesture, “him. He was giving you the look.”

“Jesus, Harrington. There was no look, okay? So drop it.”

“Please, I know the look like the back of my hand,” Steve’s finger jabbed into the space between your ribs, causing you to jerk slightly and slap his hands away, “I get it enough.”

“Oh yeah? And how’s that working out for you?” Another shove.

Slapping your hand away once more, “We’re not talking about my love life right now-”

“Only because it’s non-existent,” both hands were raised in an attempt to shove the boy once more, but both your actions and words came to an abrupt halt when he caught your hands in his own, fingers slowly linking in an attempt to keep them pinned to your side.

Steve’s voice was low as he leaned in, and despite the darkness, you felt him practically peer into your soul.

“Believe me,” he sighed, eyes softening as they traced your face as if he were trying to memorize every detail — good, bad, and ugly — to his memory, “I know the look.”

Your tongue slid over your bottom lip, catching the boy’s attention and causing his gaze to turn glassy and his knees to turn weak.

“Steve,” you mumbled, watching as his Adam’s apple bobbed, his eyes finally returning to your own as he spoke your name softly, his body pressed so tightly against your own despite the extreme heat, that you were unsure whether it was your own heart that was pounding, or his.

Leaning forward slightly, Steve’s lips parted, but the words evaporated from his tongue when the hushed voices sounded a little too loud, the busted door knob jiggling as someone tried to open the door.

A sudden gust of warm air hit Steve’s back as the door was yanked open, allowing a little light to filter in,

“Uh, are we interrupting?”

The familiar, but unexpected voice jolted the boy away from you as he took a step back, clumsily trying to avoid the feet behind him as he looked anything but inconspicuous.

“No, uh. We were, you know? And then the door, it wouldn’t… Yeah.”

Clearing your throat, you stepped out of the small closet, ignoring the raised eyebrow and slight concern coming from Max, “We got locked in trying to fix the breaker. Everything is fried with the heat. What are you guys doing here?”

“Someone,” Mike glanced toward a rather apologetic-looking Steve, “said he’d drop us at the pool. He didn’t show when he said he would, so we thought we’d find him here. And what do you know? Here he is.”

“Yeah, alright, less of the attitude, Wheeler. I get it. I’m late, sorry.”

“You can still take us, right?” Will asked, his grip tight on his swim bag.

Steve turned his attention to you, watching carefully as if waiting for something. Realizing that the moment had passed, Steve shrugged and exhaled deeply, “Yeah, fine. Whatever. Go wait by the car.”

The group took off as you slowly followed Steve through the desolate arcade, careful not to slip on the puddle of melted slush that was most likely going to remain sticky for the rest of the arcade’s existence, no matter how many times you’d mop it.

“You could come with us. Not much you can do here, anyway.”

You stood in the doorway, eyes squinting as the too-bright sun beat down in a way that felt slightly more tolerable outside, and you found yourself almost saying yes.

Instead, you folded your arms over your chest and sent the boy a strained smile, “I would but… Well, I should ring my manager.”

“I could come back? Drop off the little demons and-”

“Steve, it’s fine. Really. Go enjoy the pool. Who knows, might be your lucky day.”

A small smile tugged at his lips as he began his descent toward his car, ignoring the kid's argument over who got shotgun, knowing full well that Lucas would cave and give Max his vote, “Yeah, who knows? Ring me later, alright? Let me know how you get on.”

“Sure thing, Harrington.”

His eyes remained on you as he walked backward, right up until his back collided with the side of his Beamer.

You returned El’s enthusiastic wave as the car pulled out of the parking lot before turning to reenter the arcade, hoping you could find your manager’s number in the office so you could ring from the video store next door, but the slam of a car door, followed by a shout of your name caused you to swivel back around, blocking out the sun with one hand as the person approached you.

“Patrick? What are you doing here?”

The boy wiped his hand over his forehead, a slightly flustered expression covering his face, “I, uh… I felt bad about leaving with Andy earlier. I didn’t know this was gonna happen, and if I hadn’t turned up, Andy wouldn’t have ditched you.”

You bit your tongue, both of you knowing damn well that this wasn’t the first, nor the last time Andy would leave his shift early.

“-So I thought I’d come back to help clear up.”

“Andy’ an ass, no offense. You really don’t need to cover for him,”

“I’m not,” he scratched the back of his neck, glancing toward you almost bashfully, “I came back to help you. That’s it. Promise.”

Taking a moment, you stared down the boy making him ever so slightly uncomfortable. You didn’t know Patrick all that well, but this didn’t feel like some elaborate prank that would end up with you covered in pig's blood at prom.

Pulling the door open, you stepped out of the way, ushering him in with a raised brow, “Tell, me, McKinney, how good are you with a mop?”

The sun beat down, caressing your skin as you lay out on the lounger falling in and out of sleep. The only thing stopping you from falling into a deep slumber was the occasional splashes and shrieking from the children who inhabited the pool, but you didn’t have it in you to tell them to quieten down. It was your first day off this week, and you wanted to do absolutely nothing except bask in the rays of the sun and relax.

“Hey, water stays in the pool, Mayfield.”

Steve, however, clearly had other ideas.

He’d been stressing over finding a job — one of his father's demands — and had so far been unsuccessful, but he had an interview soon, which had left him almost unbearable since, worrying himself over yet another rejection that hadn’t even happened yet.

“God, these kids are gonna age me,” Steve huffed, all but throwing himself into the lounger next to you.

Cocking a brow, you finally peeked toward the shirtless boy as he settled onto the lounger next to you, his shoulders already beginning to redden from the intense heat, “So is the sun, if you don’t put some lotion on.”

“I’m working on my tan,” Steve waved his hand dismissively, eyes hidden under his sunglasses as if he were the heartthrob of some John Hughes movie.

Throwing the bottle of lotion at him, you rolled your eyes before closing them and entirely blocking the boy from your view, “You’ll thank me when you’re 40.”

After a long, heaving, and frankly dramatic sigh, Steve eventually opened the lotion — the click of the lid causing your eyes to peek once more toward him — and began to pour the smallest amount he possibly could over his arms, “You know, most people use baby oil to get a tan, not this shit.”

“Jesus, Harrington, you sound like a middle-aged housewife. Age like a leather bag for all I care. Just do it quietly.”

Even behind the tinted glasses, you knew Steve was glaring at you, despite continuing to rub in the sunscreen.

“Can you, uh…Can you get my back?”

“Huh?” You questioned, sitting up a little on the lounger.

“Well there’s no point putting it on my front and not my back, is there?”

“I mean-”

“And I can’t reach my back, so…” Steve held out the lotion toward you, a brow slightly arched, “Can you help me, or not?”

Not.

The word felt glued to your tongue, as if no matter how much you wanted to say it, to turn him down, you couldn’t bring yourself to utter that one, simple word. Instead, you swallowed down the lump that had formed in your throat and all but snatched the bottle from him, waiting as he moved to the edge of your own chair and turned away from you, the freckles that you had only been acquainted with once before enhanced by the sun.

His sudden jolt from the cold lotion made you jump slightly, a quiet apology slipping from your lips as you willed your hands to stop trembling.

You’re pathetic, you silently berated yourself, the frown only deepening on your forehead as your hands grazed across the expanse of Steve’s back.

It took a while to fully rub the lotion in, and by the end, you felt like you had heatstroke, “All done,” your words were barely above a whisper.

“Thanks,” Steve’s smile was soft as he turned, glancing over his shoulder at you.

Steve’s throat bobbed as he turned a little more on the lounger to face you, suddenly seeming less sure of himself, “I, uh… Do you-”

“I need to wash my hands,” you stuttered, pushing yourself up too quickly and almost causing the lounger to topple under Steve’s weight as you dashed toward the sliding door.

Gripping onto the sink, you took a few deep breaths and willed yourself to calm down. The heat had clearly gotten to you, your heart all but beating out of your chest. Definitely a sign of heatstroke.

“You alright?” Steve’s voice made you jump before you fumbled for the tap, finally finding some relief from the cold water as you rinsed the oily lotion from your hands.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just… The heat, you know?”

“Right, yeah of course. Do you, uh… Do you want water?” Steve asked, head already in the fridge looking for the cans of coke he’d promised the kids, fishing out a bottle of cold water at your agreement as you dried your hands.

Steve held the bottle out toward you, the droplets of water rolling over his knuckles all too distracting and it only got worse when he softly called your name, your eyes slowly making their way up his chest before finally meeting his eyes, “You sure you’re okay? You wanna lay down or something?”

You were sure you could hear the blood flowing in your ears, and you silently cursed yourself. You had seen topless guys before, hell, for however much of an asshole Billy Hargrove was, you’d seen him playing basketball, shirtless and sweaty, and still managed to keep your composure.

Snatching the bottle from his grip, you willed your voice to remain strong as you eyed the sliding door, quickly making your exit, “Jesus, I’m fine, Harrington. Stop babying me.”

You could barely hear the yelp of pain from him as a can of coke fell from his other hand, dropping onto his bare foot and rolling away, your heart pounding furiously in your chest as you felt your embarrassment overwhelm you.

This is also why you didn’t pay much attention to the wet pool deck until you found yourself sliding on it and crashing into the pool.

For a moment, time stood still. The playful shouts from the kids dulled into muted, indistinguishable noise, and it took a second for your body and brain to catch up with itself, but when it finally did, the panic began to ensue fast and hard.

Your limbs began to flail, unable to decipher which way would lead you to the safety of the water's surface as your chest began to burn, accidentally letting in a lungful of water, eyes sore and unable to make much out except the blue of the water which blended all too well with the blue of the sky.

A muffled noise from behind you barely caught your attention, but the moment Steve’s arms wrapped around you, all but dragging you to the surface, you stopped trying to fight, instead turning limp in his arms.

“Is she okay?” Max rushed forward, concern etched across her face.

“She’ll be fine. Just help me get her out.”

Steve practically dragged you up the few pool steps — your legs turning to jelly — as Max threw one of your arms over her shoulder, taking some of your weight before they placed you onto the lounger as you coughed and spluttered.

“What happened?” Lucas questioned, his soft eyes peering down at you as he handed Steve a towel, the older boy snatching it from his grip to place it over your shoulders.

“She slipped. Jesus, I told you guys to stop splashing the water everywhere, it gets slippery as shit,” Steve returned his attention to you, hands placed against your cheeks as he pushed away the remaining droplets of chlorine water with his thumbs, “You’re okay. Deep breaths, alright? Slow it down.”

It took a moment, but eventually, you were able to match Steve’s breathing, “I’m fine. I’m sorry, guys…”

“You’re shaking,” Steve mumbled, his hands rubbing the towel over the tops of your arms, trying to warm you up, despite the blazing summer sun, “Wheeler, go get her some water-”

“No, Steve. Really, I’m fine,” turning toward the kids, you kept your eyes on the ground, too embarrassed to meet their eyes, “Go back in. Have fun. We’ll be leaving soon, anyway.”

Once the gang had reluctantly returned to the pool — this time keeping their antics, and the water, confined to the pool — Steve stood, holding his hand out toward you, “C’mon, let’s get you some dry clothes.”

Despite the fact the sun would’ve dried you off in no time, you followed the boy inside, uncomfortable from the weight of your soaked denim shorts.

Steve had managed to dig out a pair of shorts and an old top for you, and once you were dried and dressed, Steve returned, finding you perched on the end of his bed with the damp towel in your hands and shame written across your face.

“So, this is the second time you’ve almost drowned in my pool. I’m starting to think it’s personal.”

Steve’s joke fell flat, and your lack of response caused him to shuffle his weight between his legs before joining you on the edge of the bed, Barb’s words from the night of his party ringing in his ears, “Why didn’t you ever learn to swim?”

“Not everyone is rich enough to have a pool in the yard,” you mumbled, allowing Steve to take the towel from you and wipe the side of your neck where a droplet of water had begun to fall.

“You know, I haven’t been in that pool since the night Barb…” Steve sighed, folding the towel just to have something to busy his hands with, before placing it on the floor by his bed, “I used to love swimming. It kinda felt like an escape, you know? I’d hold my breath and just sit on the pool floor, drown out everything that was going on around me. Probably why I ended up good enough to be captain of the swim team. And then after Barb’s death I just… Couldn’t face it.”

You knew what he was doing, even if he was unaware of it himself.

“When I was younger, I mean like… really young, my sister and I went out boating with my dad all the time. Back then, Mom was… Well, she was better. But she’s had demons in her life for as long as I can remember, and they only got worse once my Dad left. But whenever she was having a bad morning, he’d take us out on Lover’s Lake.”

Steve watched on silently as your throat bobbed, and you swallowed down the lump that was clawing its way up your throat,

“One night, they were just non-stop fighting. I don’t know what about, I was only like, 6. But my sister… She got me dressed, grabbed a blanket, and we left. She was trying to take care of me like Dad did. So we walked to the lake, untied one of the boats on the dock, and just… rowed out. Nobody else was out there, just me, her, and the quiet of the night. We weren’t given that often, you know? Peace. But that night, just for a while… That was all we had.”

“What happened?” Steve questioned, his hand capturing yours in an attempt to stop you from picking at the skin around your nails.

He knew, of course, what had happened. Or at least, the rumors that had spread around town over the years. It was common knowledge. But he didn’t care about what the town had to say about it… He cared about what you had to say.

“We were being stupid, playing around, unable to see the danger we’d got ourselves into. The boat rocked, and I fell overboard. I don’t remember much after that, but I know she didn’t hesitate to jump in after me, and that’s the only reason I’m alive, and she’s not. She managed to get me back into the boat. But the water was so cold, and I just… I never saw her again. They uh… They think she was caught in a current, and added to the shock of the cold water she just… couldn’t get herself out. If she’d just stayed in the boat, then-”

“Then you’d be dead, and she’d be here instead,” your head snapped toward Steve, his words ringing a little too familiar to your own thoughts. To your mother’s voiced opinions, “You were just kids. She jumped in to save her little sister.”

Praying the tears that were blurring your vision wouldn’t fall, you turned away from Steve, peering up at his bedroom ceiling, “My Dad left not long after. My parents were barely hanging on anyway, but… he couldn’t take it. My Mom’s drinking just got worse, and before I knew it, she was unable to hold down a job, and I was stealing from the Big Buy just to put food on the table.”

“And you never heard from your Dad again? Don’t know where he went?”

Shaking your head, you wiped away a lone tear that had managed to escape, “No. Mom wouldn’t talk about him… about either of them.”

After giving you a moment to collect yourself, Steve’s voice was soft, “I’m so sorry-”

“I don’t want your pity,” you scoffed, shoving his hand off your own, and pushing yourself to stand, despite your legs still feeling a little weak, “Shit happens to everyone.”

“It’s not pity,” Steve sighed, remaining calm as he followed you across the room, a gentle hand laying on your shoulder to turn you to face him, “I promise. When you care about someone, it’s not pity.”

The light streaming in through his window reflected in his eyes, the soft brown almost melting into specks of green, causing your icy demeanor to melt away with the summer sun. Unable to stop the tears from overflowing, you simply nodded before Steve pulled you into an embrace, his warm, sun-kissed skin still smelling of the lotion he’d applied earlier.

“I could teach you, you know? To swim.” Steve spoke quietly, almost too low that you could barely hear him over the kid’s antics from outside his bedroom window.

Shaking your head, your forehead creased, “I don’t think I could-”

“Not here,” he interrupted, peering down at you as he released you from his arms, “At the community pool. There are other people around and lifeguards, you’d be totally safe.”

“I’ll think about it,” you sighed, “But right now, I need to get those kids home.”

A few days after your second unwanted dip in the Harrington’s pool, you found yourself standing by what might’ve been the only available lounger at Hawkins Community Pool.

Steve wasn’t lying when he said there would be plenty of other people there, unfortunately, most of them were screeching children, kicking water at each other and running around, despite how many times Freddie blew his whistle to tell them to slow down, their mother’s not bothered by the dangers of the pool as the women gossiped and preened themselves, fluffing freshly dyed hair and reapplying their fuchsia lipsticks.

“C’mon, it’s really not that bad,” Steve sighed, tapping his foot impatiently on the too-hot floor, all too aware of the eyes that were staring at him, despite the sunglasses that covered them. Sometimes, you thought the sex-deprived housewives were worse than their curious teenagers.

“I don’t know, Steve. Somehow, this seems much worse.”

Steve, only slightly distracted with sending the gaggle of women a small wave, “It’s all good…”

Shoving him slightly, your knuckles began to hurt from their tight grip on your towel, “If I die because of your inability to keep it in your pants, Harrington, I swear, I’ll come back as a ghost and make your life a living hell.”

“You already do that,” Steve sent you a sarcastic smile after rolling his eyes but clambered into the pool regardless, “C’mon, you’ll be fine. I promise.”

Brow wrinkled, you eyed the noisy pool, uncertainty pulsing through your body with an underlying panic. Technically, you didn’t need to learn how to swim. You lived in Indiana, a double landlocked state. It wasn’t like you were planning on taking a dip in the Atlantic Ocean any time soon.

But this wasn’t about swimming, both you and Steve knew that. This was about conquering a fear that held so much trauma and guilt.

Steve, noting your apprehension, swam a little closer to the edge, leaning over to look up toward you, “Sometimes, the only way out is through.”

You nodded, despite the slight glare etched onto your features, before slowly unraveling your towel, feeling a little too exposed despite your rather conservative bathing suit. It wasn’t very flattering, but it covered the scars over your abdomen much better than any alternatives.

Before you could step forward, a low wolf whistle stopped you in your tracks, “Well, well, well. I didn’t know the Convent was in town.”

Slamming your eyes shut in annoyance, you silently cursed your luck, “Go away, Hargrove.”

“No can do,” you wanted to slap the wolfish grin right off his face when he pushed his sunglasses up onto the top of his head and raised his metal whistle toward you, “Kind of my job to be here.”

“Great,” you huffed, returning your attention to the boy in the pool, “Can we go? Please?”

“Oh, I get it…” Billy smirked, eyes darting between you and Steve, who was glaring at him from the water, “Anyway, the geriatric swim session is from 4pm, til 5. You’re a little early with that outfit.”

Billy pulled the strap of your costume, as if to make a point, allowing it to snap back onto your skin, making you flinch before shoving him away slightly, “I swear, Hargrove. If you-”

The shrill sound of his whistle cut you off, his eyes set on a running child who almost tripped over himself in an attempt to slow down, before he finally returned his attention to you, pulling his sunglasses back over his leering eyes, “Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’ll be keeping a close eye on you. And don’t forget, I know mouth-to-mouth.”

You weren’t able to formulate a response before Billy had sauntered off, late for his round of peacock-ing in front of the Horny Housewives of Hawkins. Instead, you found your feet taking you to the edge of the pool.

Sitting on the edge of the pool, you dangled your legs in cautiously as you began your tirade to Steve, instead.

“That guy is so pig-headed. I swear, if he ever touches me again, I’ll rip that stupid little mustache off his face.”

Steve, who had moved slightly to allow you the space to sit in front of him sent you an amused smile, “Ignore him, alright? Are we doing this?”

Inhaling deeply and trying to push your fear to the back of your mind, you accepted his hands that were outstretched and awaiting your own,

“If I need the kiss of life, and Billy is my only option, please, and I mean this wholeheartedly, let me die.”

Rolling his eyes, Steve waded back into the water slowly, allowing you to shuffle forward until you were finally in the water, “Yeah, I’m a certified lifeguard. I could just give you mouth-to-mouth.”

Steve’s words caused the both of you to halt, and for just a moment, you were grateful for the cool pool water as it lapped at your too-warm body. Catching himself, Steve began to stutter as he dragged you a little further into the pool, “You know, if you, uh… If you ever needed it…”

Fighting hard to not allow your obvious embarrassment to invade your face, you settled your focus on the boy’s hands as he led you away from the pool’s edge, which was a mistake all of its own, “I’d prefer to just, you know… Not drown.”

“That’ll be a good start, yeah,” Steve swallowed thickly, his cheeks rosy from what he would argue was the sun, “You’re doing well.”

“I’ve just got in, Steve. I haven’t even done anything yet.”

“Half the fight was getting into the pool in the first place,” Steve smirked, a small wave of water hitting his chin as you pushed water toward him with a halfhearted glare.

It almost annoyed you how good Steve was at teaching. Sure, with the kids, he sometimes lost his temper and would more often than not result in name-calling, but when he knew how to do something, Steve really knew.

By no means were you confident in the water, nor could you do much more than dog paddle and a flailing backstroke, but by the time you’d pulled your aching limbs from the water and began to dry off, you were slowly growing comfortable with Steve’s assistance. Not that you intended on joining the Swimming Team any time soon.

“Why didn’t you apply for a job here? I mean, it kinda seems like you’d ace an interview here.”

“Already filled up their positions,” Steve sighed, rubbing his towel through his hair, unaware or unbothered with it sticking out in several directions, “Plus, I don’t think my Dad would see it as much of a punishment, hanging around a pool with babes in bikini’s all day, you know?”

“I work a minimum wage job in an overheated arcade, full of smelly preteen boys. Anything would be an upgrade from that.”

“And you’re sure there are no positions available? Like, nothing at all?”

Shrugging, you wrapped your towel around yourself and shoved your feet into your flip flops, ready to head into the changing cubicle, “However much I wish Andy would quit, there’s nothing. Sorry.”

“No, it’s cool. I, uh... I totally passed that interview at the Mall, anyway. I start this week.”

“Oh shit, that’s great.”

“Yeah, well… It’s some Ice cream place, so… That'll be... Fun.”

You and Steve separated into changing rooms, and once you were relatively dry and dressed back into your normal clothes, you made your way out, spotting the boy leaning against one of the wooden picnic benches, talking to one of the lifeguards, Heather.

Before you could make your way over, a tanned arm shot out, reaching toward the wall, essentially blocking you in, “You know, I surfed a lot back in California.”

“Riveting,” you deadpanned, barely sparing a look in Billy’s direction, “Does this story have a point, or are you just trying to waste my time?”

“My point,” Billy stressed, leaning uncomfortably closer to you, “is that I’m a pretty great swimmer. The ocean isn’t exactly a backyard pool, you know? I teach lessons here, but… if you ever want a private session, then you know where I am. My specialty is the breaststroke, but I know all the styles-”

“You are disgusting, Hargrove. You know that?”

Billy’s smirk stretched across his face, but his eyes darkened slightly, “You weren’t saying that last Halloween. In fact, if I remember, you weren’t really saying much at all.”

Your name being called from across the small entrance caught both of your attention, but Billy’s arm remained high by your head,

“Hey, you already swam?” The boy asked, his eyes darting between you, Billy, and his arm against the wall.

“Uh, yeah. I was getting a lesson…”

Nodding, Patrick turned his attention to the blonde, “Sup, Hargrove. Didn’t know you got a summer gig here.”

“Why would you know?” Chewing on his gum, Billy watched the boy carefully, his smirk nowhere to be seen, before turning back to you but thankfully removing his hand from the wall beside you, “Offers there.”

Billy brushed past Patrick, who barely seemed phased by the boy’s cold shoulder, even when he greeted his friends with much more warmth, “God, he is such a dick. Are you alright?”

“Yeah. No, I’m good. Thank you, though.” You stumbled through your words, thankful that Patrick and his group of friends hadn’t turned up earlier. That was an embarrassment you didn’t need to suffer.

Jason called after Patrick, telling him to hurry, but the boy merely sent them away to swim with a wave of his wrist, ensuring he’ll join them soon, yet he remained standing with you at the entrance.

“So, uh… Thanks again, you know. For helping me clear up the other day. You didn’t need to.”

“Well, it was kinda my fault that Andy ditched, so… It was the least I could do.”

“Yeah, well… I hope he at least gave you some of his paychecks.”

Patrick smirked, his dark eyes peering down into yours, making you feel a little too exposed.

“You know, I was uh… I know you don’t like Andy, or whatever, but, we’re having this small get-together Monday night. Not a lot of people but… yeah, it’s normally pretty cool. Did you, maybe wanna, go? With me, I mean… Obviously.”

With wide eyes and an open mouth, you prayed for your brain to stop short-circuiting and respond — at this point with anything — but instead, you stood, staring at him like a guppy, causing him to stutter,

“I mean, you totally don’t have to. Because of Andy or, you know, even if you don’t like me, that’s totally fine too. I just thought maybe-”

“Monday night sounds good,” your voice squeaked, and for a moment you could only beg that the Earth would open up and swallow you whole. Take you back to the Upside Down, for all you gave a shit.

Instead of calling you out on it, or mocking you, Patrick instead sent you a wide, sincere smile and nodded, “Yeah, cool. I’ll uh… I’ll pick you up? Around 9?”

And with a nod of your head, it was a date.

[crguang]

I feel like in tired days I just wanna hug hsr women and then sway side to side. Maybe a sigh or two escaping bc of the utter warmth and love you can feel from them. Makes u wanna melt into a small puddle.

-🍏

me core… im literally exhausted all the time no matter how much i sleep and hsr women are sooo comforting in their own ways i’d just be putty in their arms. need black swan especially because she has all the time in the world and knows how to cherish intimate moments like no other so it doesn’t matter how long you’d stay there she wouldn’t get bored, just bask in the warmth she’s feeling and tuck it away in her memory for when she’s away and wants a piece of you ughhh

who are the best huggers do we think… himeko on top! wait its actually a bit hard most of them would be great like natasha raises children and sews teddy bears, a hug from her could cure all my disorders. hime’s canonically super comforting so it’s the two of them at the top but then there’s SWAN who would know just the amount of pressure to put and who’s naturally very easy to trust/talk to as described by people… serval would squeeze you so tight but in a “i love you soooooooo much babe” kind of way so she could also save me. yukong’s a literal mother forget it she might win the top spot bc as a foxian i just know she’s always warm like it would be heaven. and ROBIN? HELLO? this actual sunshineee she’d be happy just hugging for half an hour and she’d rub your back or play with your hair omg im sick

acheron is awkward about it and is the type to weirdly stand still for a minute before she relaxes into the hug but if she’s used to it? omg. im biased bc shes extremely comforting to me but one hug from acheron with her chin over your shoulder or her face in your neck, holding you tight enough that you’re reminded of her immense strength and of how safe u feel with her?…… need that. its the same with jingliu, her and acheron would just be so cute about it. seele would give you 3 to 5 seconds, count them and awkwardly pat your head then immediately slip from your hold. she’s also kinda a “what is this?” “affection” “disgusting. do it again” person to me. bronya’s usually efficient with it like she’ll usually hug you for a few seconds before pulling away but sometimes when you start to pull away bc of how used you are to short hugs she’ll just hold you tighter and shut her eyes for a moment.

jade asks what you’re willing to exchange for a hug and ruins the rest of your life (jk…. but not really😕) she’s somehow superficial about it and its more you hugging her than her hugging you, if that makes sense..? she holds you loosely and chuckles, endeared, but that’s about it. calls you a cutie and tucks your hair back behind your ear when you pull away. topaz will tell you she has exactly 35 seconds to spare so u better make it count and she seems like the type to ruffle your hair or something. (she’s checking her phone behind your back 🤫) firefly is soo down for it she gets all giggly and smiley when you hold her tight and will stay like that for as long as u both can.

best for last…. cant believe im saying this but kafka would be a little like jade except that she not so secretly revels in the attention, it’s hidden behind smugness and confidence but the fact that she lets you hug her for this long speaks for itself. she’s not used to it but she knows how to navigate uncharted waters like a pro (its just a lot of performance) so she never recoils or flinches. like jade, you’re hugging her more than she’s hugging you BUTTT she would play with your hair a little and run her hands down your back until the hug turns rated M😞

i realize u probably dont gaf about all that but my brain started running and i couldnt stop it im sorry hfjfkgjd

[cripplecharacters]

hello! thank you for your work, ive learned a lot from this blog :) (smile). i am designing an OC who has a hypermobility spectrum disorder (i havent decided if it is hEDS or not because i dont really understand the difference between hEDS and other types of hypermobility; i am still doing research). i want her to sometimes use a wheelchair, sometimes use a cane, and sometimes not need a mobility aid, depending on how she is feeling. she is in high school, and i am not sure how having these good days and bad days would work. my friend with hypermobility said that she would probably keep a collapsible cane in her (rolling) backpack, but would she need to have a backup wheelchair at school in case she suddenly needed it during the day? would she only need a wheelchair if she planned on going long distances or had overtaxed herself the prior day? is it realistic for her to have such a wide range of mobility needs? thank you!

Hello!

A lot of people with hypermobility and chronic pain use a range of mobility aids depending on the day so that portion is definitely true to life!

However, there are a few things to consider with this concept, especially if you're going for realism.

Mobility aids are expensive. It sucks, but it's true. Depending on where your character lives and what their circumstances are, they may be able to get a wheelchair through their insurance but unfortunately many people are only able to get partial coverage at best (Though there are usually grants available to help cover the rest).

If they also have other mobility aids, that may cause some issues. Multiple mobility aids (Especially ones as large and expensive as wheelchairs) can cost a lot of money and, unfortunately, insurance and grants are less likely to cover it/more likely to cover less of it if you already have another mobility aid.

Depending on your character's needs and their situation, they may be able to get away with buying a cane second-hand or from Amazon or getting one from a drug store but getting a second wheelchair specifically to keep at school as a 'just in case' may be more difficult to the point where it wouldn't be worth it. Maybe she has another solution in place at school for if her cane isn't enough such as temporarily using a rolling office chair, going home for the day, or calling her parent to bring her wheelchair?

There are a few different circumstances that may cause her to need a cane versus a wheelchair on a given day.

Like you mentioned, overtaxing herself the day before or if she planned to go long distances can be some of them. Other examples can be suffering a dislocation or subluxation (Both of which are common in hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome [hEDS]) during the day, especially in her lower joints; having a bad pain day (Which can be brought on by anything from sleeping weirdly to sudden changes in the weather [Link]); being in a place that isn't wheelchair accessible; etc.

As a note, there are a few differences between hypermobility and hEDS. hEDS comes with very strict diagnostic criteria involving things beyond hypermobile joints such as stretchy skin, certain types of scarring, dental crowding, etc. but I'd advise you to look into the full diagnostic criteria yourself.

Cheers,

~ Mod Icarus

[aceontheline]

WTTT Headcanons... Pure Angst Edition

I'm in a bit of a mood... So sorry XD

T//W: Mental Health topics

Massachusetts:

Mass is an insomniac. He has a really difficult time sleeping at "appropriate" times, and will likely walk around the kitchen at 5:00 am looking for food//coffee (or both).

Mass tends to have a "Therapist" relationship with a lot of people. People will go to him for their issues since he's the "Smart one" of the group. But no one ever really checks in on him. They assume he's "Fine" because of how stoic he is.

Mass suffers from "Burnt Out Gifted Kid" syndrome. His parents put on a lot of expectations for him, and he was disappointed in himself when he couldn't do it all. Nowadays, Mass still feels guilty if he feels like he underachieved.

Mass has the following mental health conditions: Depression, OCD, PTSD and Autism Spectrum Disorder. He doesn't like to bring these things to light though, and only occasionally goes to therapy.

Mass listens to old Eminem songs when he feels depressed. They remind him of happy memories between him and his father.

New York:

New York doesn't like talking about his emotions very much, if at all. He bottles a lot up and tends to explode at times. These are expressed as random bouts of explosive anger, or even depression. He will quietly sob for hours on end. New York will never let anyone see him cry, even if he tolerates you enough.

New York will often travel to places alone, simply because he wants to get away from everyone. The others worry, due to his previous episodes. There was one time he travelled alone, and he didn't come back for a week. When found, all New York could say was: "Leave me alone. I don't want to be a bother".

New York has the following mental health conditions: Bipolar II, Social Anxiety, PTSD, and ADHD. Remembering that one particular day practically prevents him from doing anything else, but he'll still try to pull through.

Weirdly, a song that gets New York to cry... "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" from Phantom of the Opera. He will not disclose who he thinks about when this song plays, but New York was deeply affected by it, as he begins to softly sob.

Florida:

Florida is known for being rather chaotic. He feels like he needs to do it for attention, or the others may overshadow him. "It may be negative, but hey... I get attention" Florida always tells himself.

Florida gets deeply upset//angry when he sees alligators being harmed in any way, practically becoming inconsolable.

Florida deals with ADHD on a daily basis, but more so the hyperactivity and Executive Dysfunction. These elements come in waves, and feels like an absolute failure if he can't get things done when dealing with the latter.

Florida has frequent nightmares, making it hard for him to sleep. He and Gov usually spend time together late in the night, but Florida doesn't like talking about his all too vivid nightmares.

[unknownzapy]

Author’s Note: I do not support nor condone the actions mentioned in this piece of writing and should stay purely in fiction. This prompt is for entertainment use only. If I missed any triggering topic, please tell me.

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Triggers with Red Bold are especially detailed in these Head-Canons. Viewer discretion is advised.

Trigger/Content Warnings:

Murder

Suicide

Gaslighting

Mental Abuse

Mass Extinction

7 Stages of Grief

Mental Breakdowns

Gatekeeping Trauma

Symptoms of Amnesia

Symptoms of Paranoia

Symptoms of Depression

Declining Mental Health

Implied use of Dark Humor

Declining Physical Health

Symptoms of Stockholm Syndrome

Symptoms of Derealization Disorder

Prompt: Sans The Skeleton (Undertale) with a Gender Neutral Reader who is the Player that did the Genocide Route. This could go either Romantic or Platonic.

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Sans, as a whole, finds you disgusting and revolting in all ways possible. As much as he doesn’t remember every single detail about whatever route you chose and restarted all over again, specifically Genocide in this case, all he knows is that he’s going off on what he can remember. This includes hunches and “bad feelings” when he’s close, or in the same area, with you.

The second time you open up a new game file after a RESET, Sans immediately can’t keep his eyes away from you and keep his distance. The air around you feels familiar, yet so ominous; whenever you come near, he instinctively backs away from you. He’s fairly apprehensive about you, but at the same time willing to talk to you if you hadn’t killed anyone…yet. If you did, he’ll probably tell you that it was out of self defense and make a snarky comment or joke towards you and not the monster.

Anyways, Sans catches on fairly quickly about your behavior. You want to harm/kill monsters, but you just can’t. You want to achieve a True Reset out of guilt, out of curiosity, out of boredom, whatever it is that fills you with, well, DETERMINATION. Whatever it is, The Skeleton has this weird feeling that, once you set free Monsterkind, you’ll destroy their hopes and dreams at their most vulnerable. Including his.

Majority of the time, he knows he can’t do a damn thing about you RESETing over and over again for whatever reason, but at the same time, a piece of him says that you’ll give him and everyone else a real, genuine happy ending. However, and let’s all be real here, Sans is already getting delusional about it.

The very moment you actually do a Genocide route for a second time though, Sans strangely puts his absolute all into the fight when you eventually come to Judgment Hall. He was skeptical about you at first, but took his chance at being patient. Weirdly enough, his attacks were more rough, more wild, less accurate, less within the code…that’s when it clicked. Sans slowly, but surely deviates from his usual laid back and lazy self to a shunned, hard working monster who wants answers. He jumps from blueprints and experiments to theories, lack of severe sleep, and living off of caffeinated coffee.

He doesn’t know why of all sudden he cares so much about you slaughtering everyone, despite claiming he “didn’t care anymore about what happens next.” Call it survival instinct or fight or flight, Sans is going with it to save himself from you, or whatever “allies” you have, but he tries not to dwell on that too much.

Throughout his search of trying to figure you out, his friends grow increasingly worried for him, especially. However, as much as they are worried, Sans brushes it off as “nothing to worry about” and cracks puns about his situation to loosen everyone up.

“I used to be able to pull all-nighters but now I can barely pull all-dayers.”

“People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.”

“I sleep with a knife under my pillow. You never know when someone is going to break in and give you a cake.”

Along with his sanity, Sans’ puns become increasingly deteriorating to questionable to outright concerning. Sure, he does care about the other monsters’ well-being as well, but he’ll give them tough love every once in a while, followed by a wink and a “self aware” hint, letting them do whatever they want with that information.

“I know I’ve been working harder than I usually would, but I wanted to make a change for once and take my little bros advice. Plus, Paps wouldn’t stop complaining ‘bout my sock pile. Anyways, don’tcha have a dinner date to go to?”

With decreased sleep now slapped onto him, Sans is quite dismissive about his attitude to the point where people either get annoyed or leave him alone, both knowing that Sans is better than this. All it takes is time, and as patient as he is, sometimes he wishes that you would RESET and make them forget about his changing behaviors. But you don’t. Knowing you, you want to see the end results about him as much as he does about you. But at the same time, his patience becomes thinner and thinner the more his fellow monsters beg and plead for him to know what’s wrong and offer to help him whatever’s bothering him.

…But he can’t. Sans knows he can’t reveal the truth. Even if he did, no one would believe him except a certain flower. Speaking of which, Sans did try speaking with other boss monsters about his particular predicament. Toriel was overwhelmed with grief and shock, Undyne was pissed more than ever and took her anger out on him verbally and physically, Asgore was more understanding because he knew how many times you’ve died before but still couldn’t comprehend you as a whole different person entirely, Papyrus is out of the question since Sans knows he couldn’t handle the same burden that he bears (plus he couldn’t see Pap dying again, even if it is fruitless anyway), and Mettaton is…well, Mettaton would most likely glorify the situation in hopes of having a better life in the underground and degrade you, the Player’s (and Frisk’s), existence.

Then there’s Alphys. I feel like both of these characters are in the same situation, whereas Sans’ story is hundred times worse than Alphys’. Alphys is to True Lab as much as Sans is to The Player, which makes them click instantly, even if the given circumstances aren’t entirely ideal. Sans being Sans, Alphys unlocked a new sense of humor for coping with hiding with the True Lab (and yes, she shared her secret after reluctantly hearing about Sans’ story since they share an interest in science. I feel like they’ll have a mutual understanding and friendship for each other afterwards).

The two go back and force with the darkest of jokes, morbid of puns, the list goes on. Though, it could only last for so long before something happens. That “something” being the suicide of Alphys. Sans would become shocked, albeit knowing it would happen eventually, deep down inside. Alphys did take it better than the others, although in an extremely toxic form.

Maybe it was his fault that Alphys died, only going towards her for personal comfort instead of genuine thought. At first, Sans was shocked at her suicide, surprisingly the only person to know about her death, excluding you. He wanted to take proper vengeance for her, but considering everything, it would be in vain but to continue living for her sake, chipping his mentality away more and more as he did so. After that very moment, the monster began to deny the very existence of you. Then His peers. Then His friends. His brother, too. Even himself.

Sans abruptly stops his little investigation about you and throws it all away, finding it all useless, considering you’ll just RESET all over again which will take him back to square one. He bottles all these intense emotions under wraps until he absolutely shatters, breaking down into heated tears of both hatred and anger and deep depression with him flinching at the slightest of movement from anyone around him. All happiness and dedication of surviving is now dissolved into guilt, rage, and paranoia.

Sans doesn’t have any reason to be alive anymore. Not if you’re still here, anyway. Even if you do “leave” after everything, after being “curious” enough, the after effects you made and mental scars you leave on him is immeasurable. He gaslights himself that he didn’t go through that kind of trauma, he gaslights himself that you never existed, he even gaslights himself that he’s perfectly “normal” and everything around him is “real as he can understand.”

Sans, after departure, still clings to you like a parasite, sadly. You’re the only thing that can control this timeline of his. He needs you. Your laws and actions are basically law to him now, even if it is worst case scenario. You’re more real than anything else to him.

He tries to fill this void in him, which is completely linked to instinct and survival. By doing so, he oftentimes takes from or harm others, unintentionally speaking, due to his utter lack of self control that comes with his desperation to feel “whole” again.

There are things that we need in life, and then things that we simply want. And with you, there’s no real line to that, which is why his lack of self control for living is so dangerous. If he feels like he needs something more than someone else wants something, then there’s a good chance he’s not going to back down. What it really is, rather than just a need to survive, it’s a need to live and experience the things around him, unironically speaking.

As fucked up as it is, Sans is devoid of his former self, a husk of twisted humor and unhinged mentality who would do anything to survive, even if it costs him to live off of the most dangerous creatures around him. All it takes is time to ease his way towards appreciating you a little more, right?

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

Whumptober Day 7: Restrained and Forced Feeding

Prime au. Tommy tries to starve himself in a fit of hopelessness after Dream kidnaps him, believing him to be a Prime in Earthly form- but Dream will not let the target of his worship fade so easily. Warnings for kidnapping, imprisonment, abuse, eating disorders, forced feeding, restraints, drugging, HEAVY religious themes, religious guilt, religious delusions, attempted suicide, self-harm, and self-loathing

ao3 link

—— Tommy was a little unnerved at how easily he’d grown used to hunger pangs.

Eating started feeling wrong sometime in Exile. He felt he didn’t deserve food, and even though he denied it at the time, the little bit of control throwing out most of the meagre rations he was given and vomiting up the rest was intoxicating, addicting even, when he had no other autonomy in his life. Even after, it was hard not to feel shame when he binged, so he went through periods of eating until he was sick, then eating a few snacks in a whole week and usually puking those out anyway because of the guilt.

It wasn’t like he hated his body or anything. Well, he did, but not because he thought he weighed too much or whatever. He didn’t even throw up on purpose; it wasn’t like he was trying to do anything stupid, he just felt so unwell and guilty whenever he could taste something nice on his lips, and it came out of him onto the floor. He wasn’t even sure what that was called. Being a pussy, he guessed.

Now, though, he wasn’t avoiding food just because it made him sick. No, it was the only way he had to die.

The IV drip in his arm provided something to stop dehydration- he’d tried there- along with the weird fuzzy, warm, sleepy feeling it forced him into, making him sleep most of the day and struggle to think very fast. His arms and legs were kept bound by velvet-lined shackles, made out of something lightweight and weirdly comfortable but with just enough slack to be able to eat or do something like knit but certainly not to try and escape, or even try and find something to shove through his throat until he stopped breathing.

Starvation was a painful, slow way to die, but it was a way to die. And dying would be better than participating in this blasphemous show any longer.

The robes Tommy was dressed in were the sacred purple, holy symbols embroidered on that no man should wear, like a twisted heretical display. Bells were hung up on every inch of free space in the room, ringing in prayer to Primes that would not be in such an unholy place. Some were even tied to Tommy’s chains and braided in his hair, making the slightest movement a twisted, arrogant prayer to himself. Every part of the room was carved of marble and oak, from the oversized bed to the ornate throne Tommy spent most of the day chained to, like a mocking parody of a King or a God.

It was disgusting. A nightmarish display of sin, a heretics toybox, and one Tommy had been made an unwilling participant in. The mockery of the Primes he was trapped in was worse than any other fate he could imagine- Limbo, Exile, eternal fucking torture. At least that didn’t spit in the face of the Primes and the Gods that Tommy had devoted his life to, took such solace in.

If he pretended the hunger pangs were his repentance for being forced to sin so, they were almost pleasant. Almost forgiveness.

He’d almost fallen asleep, exhausted from whatever sedative was being pumped through him and the physical stress of not eating for… Prime, he didn’t even know the time anymore. Sleep was one of Tommy's few escapes from his heretical prison, so he welcomed it whenever it overtook him. Unfortunately, the opening of the heavy iron door, threatening the worst hours of the day, woke him up with a start, dread pooling in his stomach.

Dream refused to look him in the eyes as he entered, head bowed in sinful reverence. Like this was a church, not a torture chamber. Under his breath, he whispered prayers for forgiveness, shifting between English and what Tommy recognised from talking to Ranboo as Ender erratically.

There were more scars on his skin, more bloodied bandages. Tommy frowned, seeing that. Dream insisted on “punishing” himself whenever he displeased Tommy, which was often considering the blasphemous hell he’d forced him into, his insistence that he was somehow a Prime and not a humble man. And, yeah, Dream might be a torturer and a heretic, but Tommy knew how it felt to tear lines in your skin. He wouldn’t wish that on anyone, even Dream.

“My Prime.” Tommy jumped out of his skin as Dream directly acknowledged him- or rather, what he thought him to be. “Why have you not been eating? Has what I’ve made been unfit?”

“I’m not hungry,” Tommy mumbled.

“I see. You’re not used to eating with your physical form.” Dream said that like it made sense and wasn’t the most absolutely insane bullshit imaginable. “I know you’ve forgotten you used to be a Prime, but this is proof you must be, see? There’s no need to be humble.”

Tommy just slumped further into his seat in defeat.

“I brought your favourites, if that helps,” Dream continued. Of course, he knew Tommy’s favourite food because he was a creepy ass stalker even before he got this weird idea into his head about Tommy being a lost Prime or whatever. “As many golden apples as you’d like.”

“I’m not hungry.” Tommy repeated, slightly louder this time.

“You’ll die if you don’t eat,” Dream said softly, like he was explaining the concept of being a living fucking being to a toddler. “And I don’t want you to be further tainted by that. I- I committed a grave sin, forcing a vessel for the Gods to experience the pain and mortality of death once. I can’t let that happen again.”

“I’m not eating anything you give me,” Tommy said, with an air of finality to it, and Dream sighed.

“Then you leave me no choice. I hate to have to do this, but…”

He trailed off, adjusting the slack of Tommy’s shackles to keep him completely immobilised. Tommy didn’t have the energy to struggle, and he mentally cursed whatever fucking potion he had hooked to him, keeping him tired and compliant. He wanted nothing more than to fight, to shout and scream and kick, but he barely had the energy to keep his eyes open. Dream said it was better than “despoiling the holiness of a pure being” or whatever, but not only was Tommy not holy in the fucking slightest, he’d have felt much less despoiled or whatever if Dream just beat him up like he used to. At least then he could be a prick about it.

With shaking hands, Dream shoved a piece of crushed golden apple into Tommy’s mouth, giving him a guilty look. Tommy spat it directly onto his stupid face, glaring. “What the fuck, man?”

“I can’t just let you starve. Tommy…” He sighed. “Please, I don’t want to have to force you.”

Tommy stuck out his tongue in defiance. Fuck no, he wasn’t going to participate in this blasphemous display. He couldn’t stop Dream’s hours of prayer, his nonsensical preaching, the lavish “gifts” he’d give, but he could refuse to eat. Maybe the Primes would shine upon him again if they saw his attempts to remain devoted.

Immediately, he regretted it, as another tiny slice of golden apple was shoved into his throat, a hand covering both his mouth and nose, forcing him to swallow the food to be allowed breath again. His weak, human, ungodly body fought for it even though Tommy wished he could just let himself suffocate. It was painful, but not just that- it was utterly humiliating. He could feel his ears heating up as he ate what must have been a whole golden apple, slice by agonising slice, tears pricking at his eyes. Thank the fucking Primes- the actual Primes- that Dream refused to look at his face. He’d hate the idea of Dream seeing him crying over petty shit.

He took deep breaths when, after agonising minutes, he had finished. The food sat horribly in his stomach, and he felt queasy and lightheaded. Worse, he felt, for the first time in his life, faithless. There was nothing to be done, no resistance, no defiance. The Primes had abandoned him, the Gods must surely be mocking him. The rest of his life- the rest of eternity, even- would be spent forced into a heretical mask, and he would never rid himself of the sin sticking to him.

He couldn’t even die to repent.

Wilbur had read Tommy a story once from an old book about a strange God, where there was a tree and an apple and the first humans. The apple had contained knowledge- on what, Tommy wasn’t sure- and upon eating it, the humans had discovered sin and therefore became sinful. He’d found it fucking stupid at the time- how could an apple give knowledge, and how would it be the humans' fault? But it made sense now. He could feel the sin of his own forbidden fruit, forced down his throat, sitting painfully in his chest, a knowledge he wished to erase forever trapped in his head. Damnation would have been a mercy.

And when Tommy looked at Dream, anger replaced with broken exhaustion, the determination hunger pangs brought him replaced with mental agony, all he could see was a snake.

[writingpromptslw]

” i understand the whole sleep talking thing but what i don’t understand is the princess dragon dream and why i’m in it. ” ” i took a bunch of free condoms from health services just because i could and they all fell out of my bag at once and now you’re staring at me weirdly ” ” i drunkenly tried to fight you and knocked myself out but you were kind enough to take care of me till i woke up. ” ” you’re the walking personification of a fart. ” ” you’re doing this to avoid 5 minutes of work? ” ” the best way to solve problems is to create more problems until you are dead. ” ” i’m not looking for judgement, just a yes or no ” ” how’s your hooker doing? ” ” my shrink told me i was crazy! well, who’s the narcissist with severe attachment disorder now? ” ” i’m sorry, i don’t speak ‘i never get laid’. ” ” i’m going to need you to put on some underwear before you say anything else ” ” is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? ” ” i don’t keep you around for your brains now do i? ” ” hey, jackass. i see you’re more jackass-y than usual. ” ” don’t you think that’s a little primitive?❝ ” zombie apocalypse is serious business. stop laughing. ” ” what are you doing with that pot, bro.❝ ” if i don’t keep busy with trivial things like this i’m afraid i might start to cry ” ” will i be my valentine? yes i will. ” ” i mean, how do you not have sex with me? ” ” is this a business decision, or is it personal? because if it’s business, i’ll go away happily. but if it’s personal i’ll go away… but i won’t be happy ” ” i’ve met some pricks in my time but you are the fucking cactus. ” ” are you really gonna leave without asking me the question you’ve been dying to ask me? ” ” Did you not see me fall down in the parking lot? ” ” Oh, that’s a cow. Thought it was a stop sign. ”

” you’ve had your fun. now it’s time to get married. ” ” okay….kill me. but screw me first. ” ” actually, i didn’t invite you. ” ” had a crappy guidance counselor. ” ” people believe in santa claus. how come i’m not getting hooked up every christmas? ” ” this is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done. ” ” yeah, you know what? there’s a ton of lore on unicorns too. in fact, i hear that they ride on silver moonbeams and they shoot rainbows out of their ass!❝ ” don’t objectify me. ” ” i’d like to think it’s because of my perky nipples. ” ” zombie-ghost orgy, huh? well, that’s it. i’m torching everybody ” ” dude, you’re confusing reality with porn again. ” ” for fans, they sure do complain a lot. ” ” i found a liquor store. and i drank it. ” ” no one dicks with ____ except me ” ” doctor called me sick. i said true ” ” she/he gave me a toothbrush. let’s egg his/her house ” ” how cute. you look like you raided a dumpster! ” ” this isn’t right. where are the slutty male costumes?! ” ” what you mean that the rim job isn’t for my car? ” ” i think i’ve been holding myself back from falling in love with you all over again. ” ” i can be flexible. as long as everything is exactly the way i want it, i’m totally flexible. ” ” all nighter, you and me. first one to fall sleep buys the other dinner. ” ” i’m not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren’t even hot. ” ” what about a compromise? i’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, i’ll apologize ” ” can i touch your boob? ” ” give me cake or give me death ” ” you know what i like most about people? pets. ” ” I told myself I was Jasmine, but I realize now ... I’m Jafar.”

[finelinevogue]

Harry Styles Masterlist ‘21

get lost in a world where harry styles is the main character in your life.

if you want, feel free to buy me a coffee if you like my writing! <33

Oneshots (+5k)

our canyon moon -

a car journey on the Malibu coast with Harry

he’s so vogue - 

you are the journalist for the new Harry Styles December Vogue Issue

keep on dancing -

you’re a professional dancer on Strictly and harry is your partner

sleep is for the strong -

you suffer from narcolepsy and harry’s always there for you

*love me, please? -

harry forgets your birthday

birthday wishes -

it’s your daughters birthday party but harry isn’t there

perfect angel baby -

you and harry take your newborn baby daughter home

an interview from hell -

harry is doing his interview on the Howard Stern show and you hate it just as much as he does

the beginning of the UNIverse -

harry and y/n are university students who happen to share the same flat

unrequited love -

you reunite with harry after some years, but lots has changed. except from your feelings towards him.

we’ll be alright -

harry plays you, his best friend, the album fine line for the first time

i want to be good enough -

you’re in subspace and there’s a miscommunication

*happiness looks good on you -

a time together in the golden, Italian sun, with Harry

the lone wolf - [part II]

harry is an alpha and you’re the omega

the road not taken looks real good now -

y/n and harry!female rekindle after a devastating breakup

a costa coffee collapse -

you faint and harry is terrified

*love on tour -

you join harry on tour

a modern day cinderella -

your daughter wants to hear the origin story of her parents

choose - [ blurbs ]

harry is a ruthless gang leader and you, his girlfriend, gets kidnapped

tales of the heart -

an engagement, a wedding and a honeymoon

‘tis the season -

the evolution of christmas time with harry

no way home -

you are tom holland’s sister and harry styles is your date to the no way home premiere

*i’ll be home for christmas? -

harry is an army soldier who came home for christmas

Series

HSLOT - blurbs about you coming with harry on tour

little moments - blurbs about you and harry building a family

kiss me in the dark - blurbs about you and harry in high-school [au]

Blurbs (-5k)

Dadrry

yours and harry’s daughters first day of school

it’s your daughters first concert as a newborn

harry is exhausted from work

Boyfriendrry/Husbandrry

your parents don’t like you and harry comforts you

you love to bake and harry is a terrible baker

harry and you are weirdly in sync

picnic date with harry

you’re a youtuber/vlogger

you have narcolepsy and it’s date night

• you publish a book about your condition

you and harry take on a big rollercoaster but harry hates rides

harry proposes over a cup of tea

you prank harry for a TikTok

you facetime harry so he can meet fans

you and harry looking through photos

a bath and a glass of wine with harry

you are sick and harry takes care of you

you and harry catch the subway

you and harry chilling on a yacht together

gucci invite you and harry to the met gala

autumn with harry

daily conversations with harry

you paint a gift for harry for christmas

Angst

you’re upset and harry’s there to comfort you

you have an eating disorder and harry loves you

you and harry breakup but also makeup

harry has a panic attack before his concert

you have cancer and are alone

you and harry endure champagne problems

• no more champagne problems

you have bad anxiety and harrys not there

you hate your body and harry loves you

Fluff

you meet harry on the red carpet

• harry helps settle your first-day-on-set nerves

from the moment we met - (series)

AU

harry is a ceo and you’re a taxi driver

• harry is a ceo but you’re no longer a taxi driver

• harry takes you out for a dinner

harry is a busker in manchester

• harry continues to busk and still loves you

love island!harry

early morning conversations with harry

harrys the badboy but you’re not pink gin

you don’t get into college and harry still loves you

Smut

cockwarming underneath the stars*

dom!harry x sub!reader*

you’re the reason harry “needed a wee” at the brits*

harry leaves wet kisses all over your body*

harry has a lactation kink*

making sub-harry cum multiple times*

moustacherry eating you out*

pornstar!harry punishes you*

imperfect sex with 70s rockstar harry*

pornstar threesome*

a hot evening with subrry*

nfsw alphabet*

riding harry’s thigh in malibu*

harry has a size kink*

harry spanks you red raw*

Brotherry

you’re harry’s little sister and he worries over you

you’re harry’s sister and his girlfriend hates you

International Readers

cooking feijoada on date night - brazilian!reader

Extras

Instagram Concepts

Picture Concepts

Fic Rec Masterlists

10 Things About Harry Masterlist

random ellie thoughts

requested blurb masterlist

other masterlist

harry styles ‘22 masterlist

dividers and headers

[f1inl3ey]

Here’s some headcanons for tbp characters that no one asked for

Finney

Obsessed with queen

Allergic to bees

HATES pineapple

Autistic

Special interest is space

Severe anxiety

Braids Gwen’s hair every morning

Has a box in his closet full of plushies that he put away after being made fun of bc of them

Once him and Gwen swapped rooms without their dad knowing (like literally swapped furniture and everything)

Works at a graveyard when he’s 20 as a half time job while he’s at uni

Becomes an astronomer

Hates having long nails. Cuts them all the time

Only Robin knew about his dad so after he died he could only rely on Gwen since he didn’t want to tell donna that kind of stuff

Bisexual

Robin

Convinced finney to grow out his hair a bit

Follows finney around after he gets out and the other ghost boys find it weird and creepy

Dyslexic

His bandana reeks bc he never takes it off unless he’s sleeping or doing anything that could get it wet

3/4 of his closet is t shirts that he’s cut the sleeves off of

ADHD

Nice when he’s not beating someone up and everyone thinks it’s weird

Tried to skateboard once and sprained his ankle

Extremely selfless (ex. Denies all help from everyone when sick or hurt)

Weirdest music taste, it’s all over the place

Literally no musical ability at all

Hands are always clammy (is that how u spell it?) it annoys everyone

Stole his uncles truck once

Gay

Bruce

Selfless

Surrounds his whole life with what he thinks his parents would find disappointing and tries to avoid doing those things but stops after his friends told him that it wasn’t healthy

OCD

Hides in Amy’s room when he’s sad and watches her go about her daily routine. It makes him feel better.

Loves dogs

Amy covers for him when he sneaks out and he does her chores for a week after to repay her

Room is messy but clean at the same time

Writes the most vile insults about people in Japanese in his favourite notebook

Hates metal and paper straws

Collects baseball cards

Obsessed with solitaire. Plays it daily

Puts ice in every drink he possibly can

Likes sherbet

Doesn’t like labels but says he likes both boys and girls

Vance

Him and Bruce used to be friends until he pushed Bruce away

Severe daddy issues

Mummy issues but also doesn’t have mummy issues at the same time

Chews gum constantly

Graffitis trains

Autistic

Special interest is pinball

Bpd

As gay as one can be

Major feminist bc of his mum

HATES sleeves

Actually really smart and has good grades. He only stayed back 2 years because of the amount of suspensions he was getting

Literally screaming for help (subtly) but no one is listening

Billy

Several near death experiences

Vitamin deficiency

Was best friends with griffin way before they got kidnapped. Was absolutely crushed when he found out he was missing

His dog is his comfort

Hates his neighbours

Delivers newspapers to robin

Mummy issues

Reads books that are at least an inch thick

Collects rocks

Knows there’s something mentally wrong with him but doesn’t care enough to actively seek out a diagnosis or an answer

Mood disorder

Always carrying a pack of mints around

Aroace

Likes sour candy

Griffin

Iron deficiency

His dad died when he was little and he currently lives with his mum

Once tried to eat a crayon

Social anxiety

Puts beads on his shoelaces

Excoriation disorder/dermatillomania ( a form of ocd where an individual compulsively picks at their skin)

Always had to be sent home because he was sick. Never had enough money to go to a doctor

Gwen talked to him during a boring assembly once but they never became friends or talked to each other again

Spent lunch in the boys toilets or in his favourite teachers classroom

Weirdly obsessed with English, loves correcting people on their grammar or spelling and learning new words

Billy was his safe person. He’d always go to Billy when he was upset.

Once got so bored that he stared at the clock in his house for 3 hours

Extremely rough hands

Thinks too much. Comes out with the weirdest shit like “how do dreams work”

Gwen

Grows up to realise that she’s on the acespec

When she first met Robin she didn’t like him but then they started talking about finney together and she warmed up to him very quickly

LOVES Donna. Warms up to her very quickly and every time she’s over, hanging out with finney she always drags her away from him to do her hair and play dolls with her

Collects bracelets

As a teenager she starts to put posters of her celebrity crushes on her wall

Loves the Beatles and David Bowie

As soon as the ‘talking with psychopaths’ book series came out her and finney became obsessed with it.

Allergic to nuts. Specifically peanuts (poor gwenny she can’t have Nutella)

Actually hates when people call her Gwendolyn. She just prefers Gwen

Likes thriller movies over horror

She’s a hoarder

Becomes obsessed with paranormal activity shows

When she graduates high school she goes on a road trip and calls it the ‘the drive of ‘87’ (I think that’s around the time she should graduate high school)

She’s the type of person that can sleep anywhere. And I mean anywhere

Donna

My girl is a raging bisexual and you cannot tell me otherwise

She thinks of Gwen as the little sister she never had

She loves partys but she wouldn’t sneak out just to go to one. She’d rather get her well deserved beauty rest

Blondie stan

Has a 15 step skin care routine and a 9 step hair care routine

The biggest bookworm. She goes to cinemas with the book of the movie she’s watching just to see how much the movie missed

Her and Gwen bond over their love for the Beatles and when she stays the night in Gwen’s room they scream the lyrics to the entire abbey road album and finney finds it so annoying

Converse high tops is her go to shoe. She loves her high tops and has all the colours she can get

Her and finney bond over queen, they argue over who the best band member is

My girl loves the smell of lavender. She owns anything lavender that she can get her hands on. Even her perfume is lavender

She prefers listening to finney and Gwen talk over everyone else

Collects charms and puts all the ones she’s collected on the same necklace that she wears daily. She even has a charm in the shape of a moon that finney and Gwen got her for her 14th birthday

Loves crystals. Thinks they’re the prettiest things ever

Listens to podcasts all the time

This was longer than I expected but it’s fine

[yourdeepestfathoms]

tooth and nail

ask and you shall receive ;) @denpine14 @strawberrygem21

in which the Dimitrescu daughters exhibit cat-like traits

---------

“Dear Mother Miranda,

The girls have grown well, though there are some complications. Bela seems to have some form of anxiety and very low self-esteem, Cassandra has anger issues, and Daniela, I believe, has some type of hyperactivity disorder. Despite all of this, I love all of them dearly.

However…more strangely…they have…feline-like habits. I expected the hissing and growling, but the other things… Well, I’m not too sure how this has happened, as they were born from insects, but they weirdly act like little kittens in the most absurd ways. These mannerisms include, but are not limited to…”

“…headbutting…”

“Oof--” Alcina blinked in surprise and looked down as Bela headbutted her leg. “Yes, my darling?”

Bela giggled and headbutted her again. Alcina rubbed her head, which triggered a strange sound to fill the air.

“…and purring…”

Purring. Her daughter seemed to be purring.

Alcina’s heart swelled with love. She couldn’t help the smile that came to her lips.

Later that day, Cassandra and Daniela did the headbutting thing, too, both of them bonking her in the legs while giggling adorably. When she scratched along their scalps, they purred, just like their big sister had.

--- --- ---

“…staring when they want something…”

“Yes?” Alcina asked, raising an eyebrow at the trio of girls staring at her. If it weren’t for their different hair colors, it would have been difficult to discern them from each other with their matching black gowns and hoods. She made the mental note to give something to them to help make them out better.

Her daughters continued to stare.

“Is everything alright?”

Still nothing.

“Darlings?”

Cassandra reached out, swatted at her dress, and then they all took off running in different directions, their sock-clad feet making them run in place for a few seconds before they gained traction and streaked away in blurs of black.

--- --- ---

“…and also staring at nothing at all, as though they are seeing ghosts…”

Alcina blinked. Her daughters were staring intently at the wall, their eyes wide and shiny, like they had just witnessed the secrets of the universe. She tried to see what they were looking at but could spot nothing at all.

“What in the…?”

--- --- ---

“…pushing random things off of surfaces for seemingly no reason other than the fact that they like to…”

A loud clatter echoed down the hallway, and Alcina was quick to hurry to the source of the noise: the parlor, where Daniela was perched on one of the tables inside, staring down at a fallen candelabra. Luckily, none of the wax sticks were lit, as they would have sent the red-and-gold carpet over the floor up in flames. Daniela looked up at her, her eyes awestruck and shiny.

“Did you knock that over?” Alcina asked.

Daniela stared back. Then, slowly, reached out her hand and swatted over a cup.

--- --- ---

“…causing utter destruction…”

“Hey! Hey! Hey!” Alcina snapped, shooing Cassandra away from the blinds. Her daughter leaped back, her claws ripping out of the fabric she had been sharpening her talons on. “No. Do not scratch things up, Cassandra.”

Cassandra inspected her claws. “Then what am I supposed to sharpen them on? Look at how blunt they are!” They showed them to Alcina.

They were sharp enough to gut a human in one swipe.

In amusement, Alcina said, “How about tree bark? It’s rough enough to hone them.”

Cassandra considered it, then nodded. “Alright!” She bounded away to go destroy one of the trees in the garden.

That same day, Alcina found Daniela chewing on a branch in her bedroom, creating a small pile of woodchips beneath her jaw. She seemed to be doing the same thing as her older sister: sharpening her natural weapons. Alcina left her be.

--- --- ---

“…sudden hyperactivity…”

The loud sound of footsteps suddenly burst throughout the hallways, rebounding like thunder. They would stop at random, then begin again, seemingly in a sporadic pattern. When Alcina finally stepped out of her bedroom to investigate, she barely caught a blur of black as one of her daughters, she couldn’t tell who, whizzed past her like lightning. She spun around, blinking.

“What--”

At the same moment, one of the others came from a different direction and skidded to a stop in front of her. She whirled to them and saw that it was Bela.

“What are you three doing?” Alcina asked.

“Playing,” Bela answered blithely. She stepped forward, headbutted Alcina lovingly, then zoomed off again, slipping on her socks as she went.

--- --- ---

“…getting startled at the most mundane things…”

The parlor had been peaceful at one moment; Alcina was drinking her tea, while Cassandra and Daniela played chess and Bela multitasked reading and watching the game. It was then that Bela’s thread bookmark fell out and she swiped at it to pick it up. However, when the string seemed to catch on her claws, she got frightened, leaping at least five feet up into the air. Seeing their older sister so unsettled, Cassandra and Daniela did the same, nearly jumping out of their skin and scattering the game of chess as they scampered away in terror. Alcina laughed loudly as her daughters huddled against her sides, shaking.

--- --- ---

“…bringing me dead animals as gifts…”

Alcina was cleaning up for bed when there was a knock that filled her bedroom. She walked to the door and opened it, only to see no one. When she turned around, she saw Daniela clinging to her window sill, a mass of fur caught between her teeth.

“Daniela!”

Alcina quickly opened the window, and Daniela hopped inside. She presented the thing in her mouth to her with great pride: a rat.

“For you, Mother.”

“Ah-- thank you, my dove.”

Daniela purred as her head was rubbed affectionately.

The next day, Cassandra padded up to her, her chest puffed in pride, a large snake pierced by her fangs.

“A gift, Mother.”

“Thank you, my sweet.”

And then, that evening, Bela came to her door with a bird in her mouth.

“Here, Mother.”

“Thank you, my darling.”

And then the bird jerked away when Bela set it down and flew off down the hall in terror. They both watched it go.

“It was too pretty to kill.”

Alcina chuckled. “I see.”

--- --- ---

“…laying on my things when I need them…”

Alcina stared tiredly at the stack of girls laying on the folded clothes on her bed. All that space on her giant mattress that was made specifically for her size and they chose that exact spot. On her clothes.

Well. They were much too cute to wake up.

--- --- ---

“…laying on me and keeping me from getting up…”

“Maiden,” Alcina whispered.

The maid passing by stopped and turned to her instantly.

“Get me a glass of blood. I can’t get up and I am thirsty.”

The maid eyed the form of her youngest daughter stretched out on her lap, asleep, and then nodded, whisking away.

She hadn’t moved for three hours.

--- --- ---

“…they have no concept of personal space…”

Alcina was awake that night, her girls piled on top of her to the point where they were practically smothering her, Daniela and Cassandra under arms and Bela on her chest. Every time she twitched, they would move closer, snuggling in deeper to her heat. She wouldn’t be sleeping very comfortably, but at least her daughters were warm.

--- --- ---

“…sitting in strange places…”

“Are you comfortable?” Alcina asked, laughing.

Bela looked up from where she was reading and wedged inside a basket that was meant for quilts. Despite her small, wiry frame, it technically wasn’t her size, but she managed to curl herself inside, piled by the blankets and indulging herself in a good book.

“Yes,” Bela said, smiling.

Alcina would also go on to find Cassandra napping haphazardly on the banister of the upper hallway balcony, which she picked her up from and placed her back into her bed in fear of her falling off, and Daniela hiding in one of the cupboards in the kitchen.

However, none of these things beat when she found all three of her daughters crammed in a box, murmuring and giggling to each other over something.

--- --- ---

“…did I mention the purring? Because the purring is absolutely endearing. I do believe it has healing properties…”

Alcina wasn’t quite sure what she had come down with that day, but she woke up feeling exhausted and achy all over. She didn’t even think to get up and alert her girls to her condition, choosing to rather wallow in her bed, so it wasn’t a surprise when her room was soon filled by three worried bug-spawn creatures.

“Mother?” Daniela’s small hands were set on her shoulders.

Alcina stirred.

“Mother?” That was Bela, now.

She rolled over and blinked tired eyes at the worried-looking faces of her daughters.

“Hello, my darlings,” she croaked.

“Mother,” Bela said again, her voice thick with concern. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, yes,” Alcina nodded, though her mind was wavering, shrouded in a heavy fog. “I am fine. Just a little unwell.”

“Can we help you?” Cassandra asked, her hands twitching.

“Don’t worry,” Alcina answered. “I’ll be fine.”

Her daughters exchanged looks. A moment later, they were climbing onto the bed, curling up around her.

“We’re helping,” Daniela said.

Alcina had no idea how cuddling was supposed to help her, but then she heard the soft churring that filled the air. The purring in itself did little to actually heal her sickness, but something about the soft sound and the presence of her precious daughters soothed her. Bela, with her head on her chest, filled her heart with a gentle rumbling. Daniela, curled up right next to her, chirred gingerly in her ear. Cassandra, stretched out over her stomach, resonated a soothing burr throughout her body.

She chuckled tiredly. “Thank you, my loves…”

--- --- ---

“…and, at least when they were newly reborn, absolutely hating when I go into a room without them…”

She was just taking a shower. That was all. And yet, she could hear her young, one-week-old daughters on the other side of the door, yowling and screaming and scratching their claws into the wood.

“I’m just bathing!” she snapped.

They wailed louder.

--- --- ---

“…to wrap the letter up, it is certainly a strange phenomenon to the experiment, but I am not complaining at all. They are much more entertaining and endearing this way. I wouldn’t have them any other way. I would like to thank you again, Mother Miranda, for letting me have such sweet daughters.

That will be all for now. I will follow up in another letter if anything new comes up.

-Alcina Dimitrescu”

[sscarred-starss]

this literally triggered me to front so im here to answer ALLLLLl your questions. pls note im not canon so like. this may be wrong according to canon. but ill answer how my life is!!!!

I have absolutely no idea for a lot of this. i know there are some people in the agency who can help me regrow them faster if i need to for missions or whatever, but nowadays if i lose a feather it takes about 3-5 days for it to come back fully, and one day after its fully grown back to actually be able to be used (controlled, used as a sort of katana, etc.) I think it was coded into my dna since my dad has wings too? but im not sure about that. idk abt a lot of stuff before like,,, 19, bc memory loss and ~traumaaaa~ !! but yesi think. and my feathers do molt and regrow like regular feathers, and they get brighter (like, the red gets prettier) during the spring :3. they're also sorta like a cut in the way of like, yk how your skin always dies and falls off, but it does that more when u get a cut? its like that!!! they have a regular cycle of falling off and growing back (I have to preen or some will get stuck and I cant fly right). but that also gave me a fucked up version of a skin picking disorder in middleschool, and so like, (I lost my thought) yeah.

also yes!!! my body creates SOOOOO much more keratin than the regular human body so i have to cut my hair and nails SUPER often. i have a super fast metabolism and i do eat a LOT more protien than at least the people around me (who are all human with either no quirk or a quirk that doesnt effect the way they eat or what they eat. (Toya, Julie (Jesus intrj.) Aesther (deer boy) etc.) I eat chicken like its my last meal. i have no idea how or why but i can like, harden my wings (sorta like Kirishima's quirk!) to use the big ones similar to katanas, and the smaller ones are super soft to the touch but while im fighting or training they sort of unconsciously harden (I think this may be due to the way I was trained as a kid,,, my mind just sort of turns off and goes into fight-mode in those times) but I think its possible for me to consciously harden them! I used to, as a kid, and I used them as quills when I didnt have pens for homework. I think even when the feathers are soft they're pretty durable.

my bone structure is def effected!!! my shoulders are 'double jointed' but not in the way that normally means. the joint where my arm is has a joint right below it where my wing connects! my shoulder-blades are weirdly shaped but its been like 2 years since i had an x-ray that i looked at. and i think in canon i was born with my wings, but in my memories i wasnt! atttt... around i think it was maybe 2-3, maybe a little older, my wings started growing in. i dont remember much of my childhood but i remember it being HELLISHLY painful. they started as two little baseball sized lumps on my back, they were all red and hurt, i couldnt sleep in any way but on my stomach with my arms straight at my side. then after a month the skin 'broke' sorta and my little wings popped out (we sorta just found it one morning when my mother looked at my back to check on it, they were maybe 4-6 cm (1.5-2.3 in.) long when they came out? and they grew rlly rlly quick for about a year after that, then they just slowly grew with my body till I was around 17 and they stopped getting bigger when I stopped getting taller. it hurt like hell tho, would not recommend.

had to pause to eat some dumplings.

I did have to learn, I couldn't actually fly till I was maybe 9... but I was able to control my feathers from the day I was able to control my wings - such as flapping or flexing them, when that started being able to happen I was able to move my feathers enough to pick small toys up or poke my mom when I wanted food (she hated it).

I sleep on my stomach almost always, or my side! I am able to sleep on my back but it pulls on my back joints (of my wings) in a way I rlly dont like. I rarely actually sit on couches/chairs or like, beds, i usually lay on my stomach when im working in bed too. only time ill be on my back is to cuddle Toya ngl. its not uncomfortable if i do it right, like if i prop a pillow up behind my back between my wings itll make it easier to lay on my back without discomfort. they're pretty heavy... but also light, if that makes sense? but also yeah they totally get sore after holding them up all day, even if i dont fly almost at all the whole day. at around 20:00-21:00 I'll start dragging my wings on the ground and need to put a lil thing around me (kinda like a belt??) to hold em up. its sorta like. one of those binders ppl who get top surgery get afterwards, but much looser, just to keep my wings up so my feathers dont get damaged by the ground. i can still consciously hold them up but its hard, especially when im tired. 100% hurts my back to carry them all day, hurts worse on days that I train cuz working them makes them soso tired. but it also hurts if i dont use them at all (flying, stretching etc.) cuz my back muscles get all tight. they are SUPER sensitive, bc of the feathers. like, ive had to tell ppl multiple times pls pls pls dont touch my wings cuz when im not being aware of the fact i need to be tough it gets me all 0////0 HOH. especially close to my back (like 40 cm (15.7 inches) from where flesh meets feather) is SO sensitive i dont let anybody touch there ever. i can dm u more detail abt that and a couple other things that im not comfortable telling mystery tumblr users who will probably see this.

fire: no more feather

but WATER. I can handle water. light rains slows me down a little but if its anything more than that its possible i cant fly more than a few meters without eating shit. and uuhhhh i think thats it!!!

its totally ok not to be normal about quirks there was a while where we werent either (we have notebooks like Deku's /srs)

hi hello i saw you were talking to us about quirks and science and stuff.

what do u think about my quirk?

-Keigo (Hawks)

OMG YES OFC

I actually have so many questions about your quirk it's not even funny

One, how are you able to regrow feathers? It's not in human biology to regrow feathers (as we don't have any), so was it coded into your dna before you were born? Or was there a dna change? And even if it is in your dna to regrow feathers, does it also grow according to bird molting schedule? Like do you regularly molt? And also, how does the regrowing actually work? Because I know you can fully regrow your feathers in about 4 days, but how does that impact you on a daily basis? Is it a constant thing, where you're constantly making and getting new feathers? Or does it happen sort of like a cut on a body would, where it only happens when you need it?

More on the feather thing, feathers are made of keratin, which is made from proteins. Do you have to eat an abnormal amount of protein to maintain your feathers? And do your hair and nails grow quicker because they're also made of keratin? Or the opposite--do they grow slower because your body is putting more keratin towards your wings?

Also, how can do you strengthen your feathers, and how are they so strong? I know they're really strong and durable, but do they come like that or do you change the properties of your feathers as you need? Also, what would they be made out of? Is it keratin as well? Or another substance?

Two, how is your bone and muscle structure affected? I can't find if you were born with your wings or not, but I have questions for both:

First, if you were born with your wings, how did that work? Were you able to fly right away? Or was it more of a baby bird situation where you had to build up the muscle? And how would that tie into how strong your feathers are?

Second, if you weren't, was it painful to grow your wings? I imagine it would be, because your bone and muscle structure would be changing, but I'm also wondering how fast it was. Was it an instantaneous, one second you don't have wings the next second you do situation? Or was it a gradual change, over a few months?

Three, just daily life questions. How do you sleep? Can you sleep on your back with your wings? Is it comfortable to lay on your wings? Are your wings heavy at all, and if they are, does it hurt your back to carry them all the time? Are your wings sensitive? I know you can feel vibrations through the air when you release your feathers, does that tie into just daily life too? Plus, can your feathers feel pain? Like if someone were to stab a feather, would you feel it? What about if it happened away from your body? How do you put shirts on with your wings? How are you able to telekinetically control individual feathers? Is it hard? Do your feathers follow deliberate commands, or is it sort of whatever your brain thinks first? I know you have a weakness to fire, what about water? Does it weigh down your wings at all?

I'm so normal about quirks I promise

[elementalsight]

It Gets Better

It’s weird to be 37. It’s weird enough I thought I was turning 36 today, until I did the math. Whoops. So I’m 37 and yes time is a construct and Covid has absolutely taught us it means almost nothing and so on and so forth and yet here I am and I’m doing, despite everything, pretty well. And I look back at 17 (per the quote I reblogged last night) and I think: I did not expect to live this long. It isn’t quite the admission I want to be leaving on FB, but Tumblr’s the weirdly honest admission space, so here we are. I survived. I survived bullying and depression and being queer and very confused. I survived abuse and unknown sickness and cancer and bad living situations. I survived pain days that left me in literal tears, and exhaustion that had me sleeping 19 hours out of 24. I survived disordered eating and two near suicide attempts and having no real support group and terrible breakups with people I loved with all my heart. And it got better. I did not believe it would, when I was 14, 17, 22. It was hard to believe it would, then. And I am not exactly better myself - I’m chronically ill, and chronically poor. But I have found my place and my way and my people, and while it teeters precariously and capitalism is a vulture waiting for the moment I fail and tomorrow is terrifying and unknown: I’m here. I’m alive. I’m happy.  It got better. So if you’re 17 and think it won’t. It probably will. And I hope it does exponentially more for you, and soon, but don’t hesitate to grant yourself some patience. Time to love yourself. Time to make yourself safe, and make spaces that are for you and yours to belong in. 

[the-fiction-witch]

What The -

REAL LIFE SCANDAL  COUPLE TBS X READER RATING: FUNNY

"So! let's do something stupid" y/n smiled sitting at her table with a laptop "Hello everyone welcome to me being all alone and bored, Thomas is not home so I'm just gonna sit and do something very stupid but I got the idea in my head so now I have to see it thought" she explained "Today, while doing a daily, bored, attention disorder, avoiding my work scroll of amazon I spotted something, a beth Harmon funky pop, very cool, very nice, good recommendations amazon, and then it occurred to me, Thomas doesn't have a funky pop and then it occurred to me," she explained "I wonder how much stuff exists out there with my husbands face on. then I found out weirdly a lot. so... let's do a room makeover" "Let's do this crazy thing. Let's begin let's start on ebay because I feel like that's gonna be the place with the lest and we'll end on like red bubble because I know there is so much shit on red bubble I know I unironicly bought a Benny watts magnet for our fridge because it was the art of Benny and beth as bunnies and I just..  I had to buy it" "Okay to ebay. Let's try Benny watts first. Oohh custom Benny watts trading card. I mean I want that ooohh 11.45 plus 12.99 shipping. I mean I love Thomas' likely more then anyone I mean I love him enough to marry him and give him twin daughters but. I do not love him that much. Let's try just his name on ebay let's see what comes up. Okay... Alot of game of thrones cards like autograph cards he did so many of those he always complains about doing like the collectable card signatures because he says a Poster or photo you have space and given his signature I understand what he means it's a large signature so he kinda has to sizeit down for cards and he ends up with like a bad wrist for it... What! Life sized cut out standee. I mean I don't want two Thomas'. I feel like that's a weird thing but for the sake of the room make over I mean. I gotta do it. There is two one in a suit. Ohh that's now his best suit look he has better suits then that. Do him in the korea death cure suit that thing is amazing or what they are calling brown jacket. Awwww I miss that jacket. He got rid of that recently and I was so sad because I actually really like that Jacket I have to get that one then ohh two sizes life sized. Well got to have life sized and then mini, how big is mini? 60cm awww you could like sit him on your desk. Does anyone actually have these life sized or mini I wanna see them, please send me pictures. I shall get a life sized because I must, ha! One of the pictures says simple and easy to erect. Well I mean. They clearly have met Thomas. Lot of dvds. Aww nanny mcphee worth two pounds sixty. I mean I love that movie but I understand DVDs are like basically vhs tapes now. I'm sorry that may have been too old for you young people. Uhh DVDs are basically ipod nanos. More posters the posters o might get to put in picture frames because of jokes I'm taking this one joke so far. Ohh my god! Yes! The cut out people do one of him and Dylan. I mean. I have to. He may actually wanna keep a life sized cut out of him an dylan. I have to don't I? It has to be done. I gotta get that one. A shirt that says eat. Sleep. And obsess over Thomas brodie sangster. I mean... If I was doing a clothing then yes but we're doing a room make over. Maybe next week. Maze runner keyring! What? So you can get newt, minho, Thomas or all three of them on a keyring. I'm buying that. I also kinds want that. Put Thomas on my keys. Take him places. Okay let's go on ... I think wish next. Yes! Thomas pillow. Okay that's a throw pillow luckily I have many of those so we can do many throw pillow covers. Is that lampwick? Oh my God. Wish ten points for obscure. Maybe it's because wish doesn't wanna get sued for using the pictures so instead of the pics they all use they just dug feel to find a lampwick that knowone remembers for 7.97 gotta be done we getting a lampwick pillow ohh and a tdc newt pillow I assume from the same company as the pillow they have photoshoped the picture on is the same, gonna get that too ohh there's alot of throw pillows I know I said I had alot of pillows I don't have this many. I'm gonna pick three good pics like not blury or stolen art and then I'm sure we'll get another three pillows somewhere else if not I'll come back. Rafe sadler phone case! I mean. Again points of obscure it's not just all newt which I adore. What the! That is a Thomas blanket. I mean. Oh my God. It's not just like one big stolen imagine that's a collage. But it's like fifty pound so moving on. Newt on a handbag. Newt on a backpack. I'm gonna have to do a clothes episode of this. What the! Newt. On a car sunshade! Sold. I'll actually use that for my car in sold 17 pounds sign me up. There's alot of blankets actually. I'm gonna weight thought of I'm gonna get a blanket I know they do them on rwdbubble and atleast then I give fifty pound to creator and not to wish so moving on. Newt bucket hat. I mean not home where but later. I'll be back. Ohh a mug that says mentally dating Thomas brodie sangster. Uhh I'm married to him so can I like cross it out and write married. No again I'll wait gonna see what other mugs there are. Newt socks. It's all the same newt picture over and over but those are amazing. Thomas on... What is that. Ohh a pill box. Okay Thomas on a pill box. Next Amazon. Lot of the same stuff pillows posters, phone cases. Oohh Thomas onna glasses case. Getting that. Thomas onna pencil case. Ah yes take Thomas to school with you. Again getting that. What! Thomas on a towel. A towel. In various towel sizes. Okay I'm getting those. Oohh wall tapestry might get one of those gonna come back to it, Thomas on a drawstring backpack I mean. But how the picture is everytime you use it the face will smoosh. Now to the place I know will have lots because they have so many options for what they print onto. Let's go to red bubble. So many stickers I'll get stickers and just put them on everything in the room for funzies oh my God! That's a duvet. Not a blanket that is a duvet. Gotta get us a duvet and a blanket both with different college images. Queens gambit tote bag. I mean. I want that. It's just like the vegas table set that's cool I might buy that.  Ohhhhhh the bit in queens gambit with Benny in the kimono they have it. And they have it on sixty one things as a shirt. As a sticker m a tote bag. A laptop case. A metal sign. In a block of acrylic. A set of four costers. A pin. A mug. A water bottle, travel mug, face mask, note book, and many many more. This is why I wanted to be here last. There is so much stuff in so many designs ohh hers another Thomas. He's available on over 80 items. Over 80! Let's see what else we can get then tapestry! I knew we'd get about tapestry, bath mat! I'm doing the bedroom but I'm gonna get a bath mat and just use it as a rug, comforter, so I can get a duvet, a blanket and a comforter I'm getting all three, yes, shower curtains okay I'm gonna use these as actually curtians for this. On a clock. On a clock. We getting the clock, apron! Benny watts on a aporn. I love it. Yes! Jigsaw puzzle! I would actually do a jigsaw of thomas that would be fun. Ohh this one has 91 options. Ah yes get Thomas on your a line dress. Get Thomas on your mini skirt. Get Thomas on your canvas art get Thomas onna baby onesie. I'm getting two of those with different pictures put the girls in them, get thomas on a duffle bag get a thomas on everything."

"I think I have found enough to make a beautiful bedroom make over to legs spend some money and I'll be back when it has all arrived to my doorstep"

"Hello. Here I am. Thomas is shopping so I have a couple of hours to do this." She explained in her bedroom surrounded by boxes "so. Let's time lapse a Bitch"

"Oh my god. This looks like the most fangirl bedroom of all time. Ohh just got my tea in my Thomas mugs on Thomas coster, beside my thomas duvet, comforter and blanket with my lovely Thomas throw pillows. Maybe today I shall do a bit of my thomas puzzle. Ohh by look at the time on my thomas clock really should let in some light by pulling back my thomas curtains. Step into my thomas rug, wave to my thomas standee. That's the worse one for me. Because it's life sized and it actually is this is his height I keep catching it in my eye line and it makes me jump. Thomas art on the walls, Thomas tapestry by the bed, stickers on literally anything I couldn't buy I just stuck stickers all over, I mean.... I'm not proud of what I've done. But I'm impressed.

"Hi Thomas" y/n smiled as he stood in the kitchen clearly just having put the shopping away "Hi" "How was shopping?" "Good. I got ice cream" "Ooohh what flavor?" "Strawberry and cream." "That's good, you want some coffee?' "Yeah that'd be lovely sweetheart" "Here you go" she smiled handing him a mug "What the- what does this say?" "I like my men like I like my tea, hot and british. Then it's you see" "Is this what was in that big box you had come?" "Yeah" "Okay. Very nice dear" he laughs taking it and having a sip of the coffee within "It's not all of it" "All of what?" "What was in the box" "Okay what else was in it?" "I've done some redecorating" "Right?" He asks sounding suspicious "I think your gonna like it" "May I see it?" "Yes, but I'm gonna cover your eyes when you go in" "Okay so surprise home renovation?" "Yep"

She stood in the doorway covering his eyes as he searched hopelessly for information with his hands "ready?' "Yes. I wanna see what in earth you've done" "One. Two. Three." "....... What the- what the fuck! What is this?" He asks unable to stop giggling but also kinda crying "I know when we moved i did alot of the decorating so I wanted the bedroom to feel a bit more you" "A bit more me. Really? What the actual fuck. I didn't know it was possible. Like I didn't know I was on duvets let alone that you could literally decorate a room with me" "You wanna lay on the bed" "No. I don't." "Or the blanket. Or comforter" "Ohh my god. How many pillows!" "Six throw pillows then our usual four that match the duvet. Believe it or not I picked six there was so many more" "Even the fucking coasters! Who is making this?" "Do you like the rug" "Ohh my god I hadn't even seen the rug, or the clock on for fuck sake." "Are you mad?" "I'm not mad I'm gobsmaked this exists. I'm blown away that I even exist as a curtian let alone that you can buy them and you have put them up in our bedroom" "I like the jigsaw I may actually finish that" "That's a jigsaw puzzle? A jigsaw puzzle of benny watts half naked?" "Yep" "I wanna know what the sales figures are for that item" "I do too honestly." "Is this. Is this a pencil case?" "Yes, and that's a glasses case" "Ohh my god." "Is anything in here something you knew existed before this?" "The standee I knew was a thing. I remember allowing that, even if they think I'm a bit shorter. The rest of this. May be hearing from our lawyer."

"So? Do you like it?' y/n asks sat on the bed with her mug Thomas beside her "Uhhhh. I'm surprised. I'm shocked. And frankly just... Just what the fuck it's all I can say. I mean I'm amazed you did this and that I had literally no idea, I knew you where getting parcels alot lately but it never even entered my mind you could be doing something like this." "Is there anything in this room we can keep? After this video" "Maybe one of the mugs. And maybe the jigsaw because I feel like you are gonna have fun with that" "I will" she smiled "ooh I forgot something" "Ohh god" She gets up running else where "All I ask is it's not a vibrator. It's the only thing I can think of that isn't in here. Please I beg that to not be a thing that exists" "Hi daddy!" Y/n smiled off screen and he burst out laughing "No. No.no.no.no" he says opening his arms and taking maggie into his chest "no. What has mummy done to you?" He cries as both girls had little Thomas onzies "So you know. You know there your daughters" "I don't need to know there mine. I need clothes that help me tell them apart when there this little, ohh my poor little baby, what has mummy done to you? My poor child. Let's get you out of this and get you back in your pretty dress with me penguin" "Yeah. Let's take this all down. Even I think this was a bit far for a joke" "A bit yeah. Save it all thought I'm taking it to the lawyer tomorrow" he says getting up to take the girls back to bed.

[otptings]

Countless Moons

-Idol; Niki

-Word Count; 3k+

-Genre; 13+, angst , two endings (one horror, one ambiguous fluff)

-Warnings; detailed death, blood, cussing, aged up Niki, mentions of eating disorder, descriptions of grief multiple breakdowns, mentions of vomiting, self harm, insanity

-Synopsis; 2 years ago you witnessed your boyfriends death firsthand. Now after his 2 year death anniversary weird occurrences have started happening.

-A/n - here is my warning, this has a really detailed death scene that caused me to become choked up while writing this. if you do not think you can handle that please do not read this. requests are open for Enhypen (super small print is a dream, italics are flashbacks)

"I'm sorry."

Tears dripped down your cheeks. Fat and warm as they landed on your hands that you were wringing. Staring at the gravestone in front of you.

Riki Nishimura.

December 9th 2005- November 30th 2020.

Gone too soon.

It was the second anniversary. That means two years. Two years since you've witnessed him get hit by a car. When you thought too long about it you could remember that day perfectly.

That dreaded day.

Seeing his purple hair and the pout on his face after he had gotten lectured by the soccer coach because of it. The sun beating down on you, warming you despite the cold breeze that threatened to force you to put on a jacket. Niki's jacket that he always left for you just in case. Watching as he dribbled the ball, confidence displayed on his face as he kicked it toward the goal. Tossing his arm over K's shoulder as he cheered, turning to face you. Raising his fist, a smile on your face as you happily cheered for him.

Tugging said jacket closer around your body as another cold breeze brushed by. The clouded sky only made the day more dismal. Knowing that not even the sun would shine on you, as if it knew what this day meant.

"I should've listened to you," You wiped away your tears releasing a shaky laugh, "If I was more careful you would never had have to run after me."

The gravel digging into your knees and palm. Hearing your jeans rip as you hit the ground. Turning around in time to see the car hitting Niki. You could hear crunches, and a thud as he hit the ground. A blood curling scream was heard, but you don't know if it was from you or Niki. The driver of the car veered into a tree, who you later found out was drunk, passing out against the wheel.

The horn blared as you ran over to Niki, placing his head in your lap. His purple hair appearing red faintly, his eyes fluttering shut. Begging him to stay awake, tears blurring your vision as you cupped his cheek . Eyes widening you say blood dripping from his forehead.

So much blood.

The crimson liquid spilling around his body, seeping into your clothes as you held him closely. Looking around you saw bystanders staring on in disbelief, watching as you cried over his body in the middle of the street.

By the time the ambulance showed up Niki had stopped breathing. More screams and tears leaving you as the paramedics pulled you off of his body. One of them wrapped a silver blanket around you, another called your parents. You watched as they attempted to revive Niki.

They weren't successful.

His time of death was 5:37 pm.

"I wish you were here with me. I still sleep with the teddy bear your mom gave me, the one that used to be yours." A bitter sweet memory, his mom coming to your house with tears in her eyes. Handing you a box of his belongs. She hugged you tightly, muttering a sorry, before giving you her number. That was 2 years ago, before they moved to Osaka.

You couldn't blame her.

The box was precious to you. Filled with various teddy bears that he had around his room, various assortment of clothes, and letters that he had written you.

Goosebumps erupted over your skin as you felt eyes on you. Was someone watching you? Raking your eyes over the tree line, you thought you saw a glimpse of purple. Chills ran through you. It was time to leave anyway, it was past 7 pm.

Placing the narcissus flower on his grave, you stood up not bothered by the grass stains on your jeans. Pulling the jacket closer to your body, you headed to the gateway of the graveyard.

As you approached the archway you felt an urge to turn around. It was strong, like someone whispering it directly in your ear. Glancing over your shoulder you saw someone crouching over his grave, exactly where you were mere moments ago. The flower you placed in the figures hand as they stood up. An involuntary gasp left your mouth, and then the figure was gone. Vanishing into thin air.

"Niki?"

-

The sun beamed down on him reflecting his silver hair as he stepped into the river. Niki turned to you with a giant smile on his face, his hand up covering his eyes from the son. Strangely you couldn't make out his eyes. You let out a laugh watching as the bottom of his jeans got soaked by the water where he hadn't pulled them high enough. He looked down at the flowing water, a pout on his lips.

The water seemed to continue rising, as fear shown in his eyes. Just like the day the car hit him. You tried to scream at him, tell him to get out of the water, but no words left your mouth. A wave rose out of the water and hit Niki. A gurgled noise filled the air as you ran to the river. You ran into the river, desperately looking for him when you something grab your leg and yank you under the water. You were met by dark red eyes, and a fanged smile.

He let out a laugh as the water filled your lungs. When your vision started to get blurry he whispered in your ear.

"Be back soon love."

-

No fucking way. Your stomach dropped as you read the text.

Niki Niki 💞

Hi baby

Your hand shook as you quickly blocked the number. This was a sick fucking joke. Nausea flooded your stomach, and you felt bile rise in your throat. Dropping to your knees you started to get choked up. Covering your mouth you tried to quiet the sobs leaving your mouth.

Who the fuck would hack a dead persons phone? Why would you think that was okay?

Seeing Niki's contact appear made your heart drop. Memories flashed through your mind.

His face lighting up after the goal, when he looked at you in the bleachers and knew that he wanted to make you proud. His smile shining brighter than the sun. Whining when he pulled you into his arms after, laughing as he rubbed his sweaty cheek against yours. His hair stuck to his forehead when he leaned down to you, placing a kiss on your cheek.

Hearing the sound of his body hitting the ground. Holding him tightly to your body, begging anybody to help you. Feeling his blood soaking through your jeans, sticking them to your skin like paper mache. Watching him open his mouth as he tried to talk to you. The panic in his eyes as his breathing got more ragged. A gurgling noise presenting itself as his lungs filled with blood. Seeing his eyes becoming glazed over as you held him to your chest, begging him to stay awake.

You should've held him tighter that day. Kissed him a little harder. Not bothered worrying about his sweaty jersey. Just cherished the time that you spent with him.

Unknown

this looks weird I know but please listen to me

meet me in the place where we first met

I need to see you love

-

Tears streamed down your face as you held your legs close to your chest. Your skirt was covered in mud and grass stains. The bottom of it was torn where it had snagged when you tried to run away from them. Quiet cries left your mouth as you hid under the bleachers, praying that the bullies would leave you alone. You covered your mouth as you heard them getting closer, chants of your names.

"Come out piglet."

"Yea piglet. You love to play in the mud right?"

"Come out come out piglet." Their laughter got quieter as they walked further away. You slowly relaxed. You just had to wait out here til the bell rung. Only flaw in your plan was that you had no clue what time it was.

"Are you okay?" You jumped pulling your legs closer as you heard someone. Turning to your right you saw a boy with dark brown hair, hanging shaggily over his eyes. He held out his hand, attempting to help you stand up. When he realized you weren't gonna grab it he sat down beside you, not caring about the mud getting on his clean uniform. "My names Niki. What's yours?"

Niki didn't seem bothered at your silence. Taking off his jacket he handed it to you.

"I see your uniforms dirty. You can wear my jacket for the day if you like." Reluctantly you took his jacket, slipping it over your arms as he watched you with a smile. You stared at him weirdly as the bell finally run. Recess was over and you had successfully escaped your bullies.

Standing up Niki held his hand out to you again. This time you took it.

"Thank you." His smile only grew larger.

"Of course. I think we're gonna be friends."

-

"This is fucking stupid." Your words got sucked into the quiet of the night. You knew the Niki was dead. You witnessed his death. Held him in your arms as he died and choked on his own blood. Even spoke a eulogy for his funeral. He was dead as doorknob.

Here you were though. Pacing back and forth underneath of the bleachers. Sneakers crunching the dry grass. It was the middle of December. Instead of studying I was waiting to see who hacked my dead boyfriend's phone.

And what specifically was I waiting for? To have them appear then force them to apologize? They have no morals if they could hack a dead teen's number. What makes me think that any useful would happen from this.

"Fuck!" You growled as you crouched down, tears burning at our eyes. "He's not fucking coming back." You tried to convince yourself. "Everyday was supposed to get easier without you, but they're only getting worst and worst." An uncontrollable wail left your lips. You grabbed your hair, pulling it as you tried to ground yourself.

Nothing made sense anymore. Niki died at 15. It's been 2 years and you're still holding on to him.

"He isn't coming back." You wiped your tears with the sleeve of the hoodie, sniffling as you stood up.

"Who's not coming back?" Whirling around your mouth went dry. A gasp left your mouth as dizziness overcame you. "Are you okay? You look pale."

Him screaming your name was the last thing that you heard before you fainted.

-

"How could you bring her here? She has no fucking clue?"

"And leave her there?"

"He's right this is the best choice."

"Bringing her here is dangerous for all of us. Especially here."

"If you guys even touch her I'll kill you."

"We would never."

"What if she finds out what you are?"

-

Your eyes flickered open at the sound of harsh whisperings. Sitting up slowly you looked around the room. It was a stereotypical boys room, posters on the wall and clothes scattered across the floor. Turning to the nightstand something caught your eye. Picking up the picture frame you saw it was a picture of you and Niki.

Freshman year homecoming. First dance since you started dating, almost 5 years after you met for the first time. Our parents forced us to take pictures, changing up our poses every couple of photos. This was ironically the most hated one from that day.

The sun was blazing, beaming down as your parents snapped photo after photo. His arms wrapped around your waist, chin resting on your shoulder. He whispered jokes into your ears, causing laughs to flow freely. Every picture was almost the same. Niki's lips close to your ear, a wide smile on your face as you laughed.

Tears started to blur your vision as you set the picture frame down, albeit with a little bit of a thunk. The whispers went quiet outside, obviously they all had heard it. Someone turned the doorknob with a click before pushing it open, peeking their head in. Light in the hallway shone behind them, obscuring their face. They closed the door quickly, the whispers starting back up.

What the fuck was happening? You pulled your knees to your chest, pulling the blanket tighter around your body. This had to be another nightmare. Yea. Just a silly little dream. Where my dead boyfriend rose from the dead, texted me, and then took me to some strange house. Of course totally normal dream behavior.

Suddenly someone quickly stepped into the room, closing the door behind them with a resolute thud. You threw your hand over your eyes, covering them from the harsh light that abruptly turned on. Blinking a few items, you looked at the person as your vision cleared.

"This is a sick dream." Tilting his head to the side Niki started to walk over to you. Throwing your hands up you stopped him in his tracks. "Stay the fuck away. You are not Niki. I saw him die." His face softened as he stood in the middle of the room, brown eyes showing sadness.

"I am Niki."

"You're fucking not! I saw him die! I held him as he fucking died!" He jumped at your screams, looking taken aback as tears streamed down your face.

"Love. Please let me explain."

"Don't fucking call me that! Only Niki can call me that!" With a sob you curled yourself into a ball. Praying for this nightmare to end. There is no way Niki is alive.

Thud. Warm blood. Gurgle.

Thud. Warm blood. Gurgle.

He was dead.

Dead.

Dead.

Dead.

Another guttural sob left your mouth, holding yourself tighter in hopes that you could just disappear. You flinched as you felt at the feeling of getting touched, a hand placing itself on back. He rubbed soothing circles as he whispered into your ear, words reassuring you that it was truly him.

"I'm sorry love." At the sound of that, overwhelming thoughts to go to sleep flooded your mind. You opened your eyes, confused at what was happening as you gripped onto Niki's shirt. An apologetic look on his face before everything went black for the second time that night.

-

"I know that you pity me. Some of you feel bad because of what I witnessed. The death of my best-friend, and boyfriend. But you shouldn't. I've known him 5 years but he has made the greatest impact on me. I look at everything in a positive light because of him. I work my hardest because he constantly encouraged me to. Niki was the best person that I know and I feel as if we should all live in his honor. I'm happy that he isn't suffering. I know that Niki is happy wherever he is. And if there is a Heaven he is definitely there. Niki if you can hear me I love you. I'm so grateful that I got to know you. I'll be with you again someday. The sun will shine on us again."

-

Niki Niki💞

I took the liberty of unblocking my number

when you wake up please text me

if you give me the chance I will explain everything

Love🦦

hurry

-

Here we were. Niki sitting on the opposite side of the bed from, just looking at you. Apart of you wished that this was real. That Niki was really in front of you. Drinking in his appearance you let a sigh leave your mouth.

Niki was in front of you.

His hair hung messily in his face, now grey instead of his signature purple at the time of his 'death'. Every other part of him looked normal. A hoodie hanging off of his skin frame, the same one that he wore for soccer practice with his jersey number on the back. He hasn't aged a day.

"I know you're confused," His voice broke the silence, seemingly the only thing that has changed. Having heard it multiple times you hadn't realized that it had gotten deeper, "please just let me explain. If you want nothing to do with me afterwards I'll let you go. I just missed you."

He ran his fingers through hair, before pulling the hoodie over his head. A nervous trait of his. It's nice to see that some things never change.

"I died. I remember the fear that I had that day, how you held me tightly in your arms, choking on my own blood. I remember all of it, and I truly did die." You stared at him, more confusion after part of his explanation than you had before.

"I was scared when I woke up here. I had all of the memories of my death, but woke up with no scars. No physical sign of the accident. Heeseung was the one that comforted me. He told me that I was chosen. Talked about fate's arrows and connecting two worlds. My memory of the speech is hazy after two years." Scooting closer to you he grabbed one of your hands, intertwining your fingers.

"You've been here this whole time?" Regret shone in his eyes as he nodded, "Why didn't you tell me?" His face dropped at your voice. Desperation was clear in the way that your voice cracked.

"I couldn't. They told me I would put in danger. That you would reject what I am now."

Niki cupped your cheek wiping your stray tears. Sighing you nuzzled your face into his palm. His hand was cold. The same coldness that filled you for years after his death.

"I missed you so much. I fought myself day and night. I needed you too. I'm sorry love."

All the nights filled with tears, sobbing until your throat was sore and your head felt like it would explode from the pressure. School days filled with people staring, whispering to each other about the poor girl that witnessed her boyfriends death. Bile rising in your throat every time you ate, thoughts of Niki bleeding out in your arms, remembering scrubbing the blood off of you in the shower. You never could keep food down, rushing to the bathroom after every meal. Tears flooding your eyes as you gagged, constant flashbacks.

But Niki is here. In front of you. His hand cupping your cheek, whispering apologies into the air between you. Maybe everything would be okay.

-

It's been two years. Two years since you've found out that Niki was still alive. As a vampire, but 'alive' nonetheless.

Leaving town was always your plan. After Niki's death what was left for you in Okayama? You always thought about going to South Korea, or maybe even to America. Somewhere to get a full fresh start. Not being known as the dead boy's girlfriend. Who wasted away due to grief. Who died 3 years after his death, a brutal suicide that raked the town.

You were the real Romeo and Juliet. Two young lovers separated at 15, death forcing them to part. You never recovered from his death, so at 18 you followed him. After your funeral your family left town, not being able to bare the pain.

It was a fresh start for you. And Niki.

Your love Niki. Who laid now on your chest as you watched a movie, a cult classic funnily enough. The other members spread out on various couches. Looking down at Niki you ran your fingers through his hair, a sigh leaving his mouth as he relaxed. Grabbing your other hand Niki placed a kiss on it, a smile blossoming across your lips.

In the dead of winter, under countless moons you were together again.

-

thank you for reading this, I really hoped that you enjoyed it. I tried to make it the ending as fluffy as possible without ruining the vibe I had going for the whole oneshot. underneath of this is the alternate ending if you want to go insane read it. it does contain mentions of insanity, and self harm. you have been warned

-

It's been two years. Two years since you've found out that Niki was still alive. As a vampire, but 'alive' nonetheless.

Leaving town was always your plan. After Niki's death what was left for you in Okayama? You always thought about going to South Korea, or maybe even to America. Somewhere to get a full fresh start. Not being known as the dead boy's girlfriend. Who wasted away due to grief. Who died 3 years after his death, a brutal suicide that raked the town.

You were the real Romeo and Juliet. Two young lovers separated at 15, death forcing them to part. You never recovered from his death, so at 18 you followed him. After your funeral your family left town, not being able to bear the pain.

That’s what your parents told everyone at least.

The truth is police found you under the bleachers, writhing on the ground as you nonsensically spouted about vampires and curses. Telling everyone who listened how Niki was still alive. They would tut, turning around while mentioning how the accident affected you. Ruining you mentally. Your parents' concerns only grew when you would speak to the thin air. Claiming it was Niki. That he missed them, and wished they would allow him in the house.

You would claw at yourself to ‘feed’ Niki, blood dripping from your arms. It came to a halt when your parents walked into the house, crimson surrounding your mouth as you happily told them you had turned. You were now a vampire. You could now be with Niki forever.

They shipped you to the farthest asylum. One in Virginia, hidden away in the mountains. Far are from them. Far away from Niki.

Maybe after countless moons you’ll meet again one day. When the insanity no longer claimed your mind, and shrouded your reality.

[mnemo-li]

Okay, so I did a test I saw on Tumblr just for the funsies and frankly, because a part of me wondered if I have a mild case of ADHD or something because my nanny / part-time nurse used to say that I behaved like a เด็กสมาธิสั้น (literally translates to having a “a child with a short attention span”).

And uhhh the results of the test surprised me, to say the least.

The screenshots are a bit weirdly cropped on Tumblr but to summarize:

The RAADS–R is a self-report instrument, a reliable instrument to assist the diagnosis of autistic adults. According to this paper in the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorder, no neurotypical who took the test scored above the autism threshold. The threshold is 65.0 and I scored a 78. I also redid the test a day after and my score was still in the 70s.

I’m just pondering some things that other people have observed about me.

1. In high school, I had been quietly dragged aside in class and privately told by my English teacher that “I speak too softly”. He means well: he just wants to help me communicate. I remembered being so upset by this but when I asked another friend if this is true, she said yes— I tended to speak so quietly sometimes she has to strain to hear me. Apparently, trouble modulating vocal volume is an autistic trait.

2. My nanny noted that I had a habit of taking the baby hair around my face, twirling it around my ear, untwirling it, and then repeating that again and again. I only recalled doing it because it felt good. I also did this other thing where I used to repeatedly pull my eye bags and snap it back for that satisfying snap because it felt good (I stopped doing it because I didn’t wanna have ugly eye bags). To this day though, I have a habit of rubbing thumb against the nail of the other thumb repeatedly, using the nail like a worry stone. Apparently, according to my grandpa, it’s a genetic thing cos my dad does it too! I also have my favorite pillow where I would put my hand inside the pillow and rub my hand against it for the satisfying feelings it gave me. Now, the pillow is thrown away cos it’s too old but I still do the same thing with other pillows in order to sleep. I think this is a form of stimming??

3. I would walk around in literal circles in my rooms for half an hour at a time, daydreaming. Sometimes, when reading a book and the action gets too vivid, I have to start moving around physically, standing up or swinging my legs or walking around as well. Not sure if this is an actual thing though but it seems weird enough.

4. My high school maths tutor used to say that my speech is very disjointed in the sense that I sometimes jump from topic to topic and he would have trouble keeping up (this is regardless of what topic was being discussed). He ended up advising me to slow down whist talking, and to explain my thoughts in steps. I recall telling him my mum speaks like this too.

5. I am easily startled by noises and easily overwhelmed by loud and busy places. I thought this was just my social anxiety thing though but idk. It’s been that way since high school at least. I remember someone once said hi to me on the stairs, surprising me from behind, and damn I almost fell lol. And yeah, to this day I get a sensory overload if I go somewhere too busy or loud (but then, doesn’t everyone to a degree?)

6. Oh: routines. I do get upset if my routine is messed up (but then again, doesn’t everyone to a degree????). Sometimes it’s more intense though. Like, recently, I had news that I can’t do what I planned to do next week and I spent the whole day today just being upset over it. It’s currently almost 8pm and I haven’t eaten anything aside from a sushi roll since I woke up— that’s how upset I am.

7. And of course, an ex-friend of mine said to my face that I’m “lazy”, that I have potential but I don’t work hard. I disagree with that statement but looking back, I am negligent when it comes to certain responsibilities but I am extremely hard working on the things I am passionate (dare I say, hyper fixated) about. Like okay, I know I still can’t finish that goddamn fanfic I worked so long on, but I do have a passion for writing and I objectively literally am a published short story and non-fiction author and a published poet. I literally just signed another contract with an American publishing company last Monday. When it comes to the stuff I truly care about and obsess over, I am not lazy.

I don’t want to be one of those kids who diagnose themselves with every syndrome they read about on the internet, so I won’t conclude anything. However, I also do realize that I harbor some prejudice against autistic individuals that I am trying to unlearn, prejudices which influenced my unconscious desire to not want to be associated with people who society-at-large deem weird or annoying.

Idk. I just… I know I definitely have social anxiety (I once put off going to the supermarket for several weeks, to the point where I became hungry cos there wasn’t proper food left in my fridge, because I didn’t want to talk to the cashier or anyone I might bump into at Tescos) but the thought of me having ASD traits is just… idk what to think about it

idk what to say really.

I’m still in contact with my English teacher though. Lowkey wanna reach out to him and ask if he noticed any other “weird” traits about me.

IRL friends and online mutuals, feel free to share your thoughts if you wish, especially if you have experience with this ❤️🙏