#and that’s not even mentioning my past hyperfixations haunting me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aerodumb · 1 year

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Wade/Nancy is an artist who's been surrounded by negative opinions. She currently works under the username Grisgrisdoll, but she's widely known as the name that haunts her past, Kastoway.

I've seen many, many accusations being thrown online against this artist, but I noticed that for many people spreading them this knowledge is secondhand. I found her Deviantart account some time after she changed her username to Kastoway in the beginning of 2014 due to my hyperfixation on creepypastas at the time. I never actually followed her, but I visited her account every now and then, so if I missed something important, it was because of that and I will be glad if you tell me. In this post, I'll list the incidents in chronological order *with evidence* and then give my own opinion at the end.

One thing to know about Wade is that she has had many different names and usernames throughout her life. In addition, she is comfortable with people using either "she", "he" or "they" to refer to her. I'll be alternating the pronouns and using both her names.

He was 13 when she created Ticci Toby [1]. He posted her first drawing of him on the 19th of November 2012 on DeviantArt [2] and Toby's origin story one year later on the 23rd of May 2013 [3]. Wade changed the personality of Toby to make him less upbeat, more tragic and more scary. One of the first instances where he showed discomfort with how people portrayed Toby that I remember was in a publication she posted on the last day of 2013 [4]. This situation ended up with a small redesign of Toby on 5th of February 2014 [5].

She took a short break from DeviantArt around July [6]. It was this year when her creepypasta blew up out of proportion. Previously, she had expressed her desire for Toby to only be shipped with another creepypasta character called Clockwork. However, many people didn't like Clockwork and didn't respect this wish, leading her to further getting tired of the creepypasta community. By october of the same year, her Deviantart bio said: "Most people know me as the creator of the creepypasta story "Ticci-Toby"-- which yes I am, but I prefer not to be constantly called out for it nor only recognized or appreciated for it. I do not contribute to the creepypasta fandom anymore so please don't ask me about it. Thank you" [7].

One issue that is frequently overlooked when discussing Wade's actions is her problem with impersonators, as she stated on a status in November [8].

On 14th of December 2014 he made a post trying to solve all the turmoil that had formed because of shipping [9]. He stated that he had asked people not to ship Toby with anyone but Clockwork because that was what he was comfortable with, but he realized that decision was pointless and didn't care at this point. The situation had gone out of control and there were people bashing creators who shipped Toby with others or with their own characters. He apologized to the hurt and asked people to stop the white knighting. In addition, he recognized "I wasn't prepared for my character to become popular on the internet. I really wasn't. I never thought it would happen and I'm still not good at dealing with it. In fact I suck at it, it's true". He was 15 at the moment.

In 2015, they got into Marvel, even having a tumblr blog where she drew Deadpool replying the asks of her followers. At the end of their bio, it could be read: "I will not reply to notes or comments regarding Ticci-Toby or anything Creepypasta related, sorry." [10]. This message was deleted months later, so their profile didn't mention Toby or creepypasta anymore. They kept the folder for her creepypasta drawings in their gallery tagged as "old".

In April 2016, he had to warn the general public that Toby wasn't real and that he was his creator [11]. People had been spreading misinformation, saying that Toby was real or was based on a real person. Wade feared that something like the tragedy of Wisconsin could happen again, it was a serious concern.

In May, Nancy made a post saying that people could still ask her about Toby [12], but later in June that year, she decided to step off the internet with the purpose of trying to improve her life, archiving the majority of her work [13]. Later in 2017, she updated her bio to let people know about her new instagram account where she mostly posts original art. It was at this point when I stopped checking her content completely, as this account, called bonejars at the beginning, was private for a while. She hasn't been very active on DeviantArt apart from the times she announced her podcast.

On the porch: Episode 2, 16 April 2020, started a wave of negativity against them. I didn't watch it at the time and it is now private so I can't say much about it, but they did some clarifications on her instagram stories later. Many users took screenshots of them and they can still be read [14]. In them, Nancy says that they came to terms many years ago with the ships, that they left the fandom because all of the drama made them miserable and that they'd wish Toby to no longer be associated with the creepypasta fandom. Despite this, they don't want people to stop doing what makes them happy, they said they're ok with headcanons and people reinterpreting the character, that they like the fanart as long as people don't profit from it. They said "I know what escapism is like and using fiction to cope with life. I would never wanna take that away from anybody". Later, they had to make further clarifications because people accused them of wanting to take Toby away from the fandom.

On 25 abril 2021, Nancy posted a new redesign of Toby on his Instagram account [15]. This version of him was significantly different from the last one. The character is older, wears different clothes and looks more realistic due to Nancy's art style development. With this design, he looks like a character from a slasher.

Many people weren't pleased with the redesign due to thinking the reason for it was to invalidate the previous one. Consequently, they brought to the surface controversies from the past. Nancy was accused of having supported two controversial figures in the creepypasta community: Laughing Jack's creator Steve Aikins (Snuffbomb) and Sally Williams' creator Shilo (la_mishi_mish).

Steve presumably harassed his ex-girlfriend and talked indecently with several young girls back in 2014 [16]. I haven't found evidence of Wade supporting him and I can't remember exactly what she said. If someone has screenshots of it, I would be grateful.

Shilo used to draw NSFW art of Sally [17]. This character is canonically 8, so she usually aged her up in this kind of content. However, she posted a compilation of sketches depicting Sally and Jeff the Killer having sex in 2015, stating it was ok for them to have intercouse because they were both 13. Shilo was 22 at the time. Several sources indicate that she stopped drawing mature content due to social pressure. Nancy and Shilo follow each other on instagram to this day.

There haven't been more references to Toby on Nancy's part since then.

◇ Ok people, get the pitchforks because now I'm gonna give my opinion!

So, what can we accuse Wade of? Of being an idiot and a hypocrite when he was a teenager, of having bad companies and managing fame poorly. I don't think we can blame them for anything else and feel that a big part of the hate they receive is undeserved.

I think she was a hypocrite because she got angry with an interpretation of Toby that she had at the beginning. What's more, Toby's story uses an interpretation of Slenderman that was invented by the fandom, proxies are not canon. It's like a fanfic of a series inspired by just a couple of photos.

Still following Shilo is yikes. However, we don't really know if they're still close and I'm personally gonna give her the benefit of the doubt. Defending Steve was a bad move, but, as some people have pointed out before, he was a teen when that happened, way younger than Steve and she could have been convinced to think he was innocent. Shilo is older too.

Being that young, she wasn't prepared for facing the bad sides of fame. Ignoring stuff, going radio silent and then saying things in the heat of the moment didn't help her a bit, but it was all that occurred to her at the time. She's tried to explain things in more detail in recent years just to go back to saying as little as possible because at this point, people get angry for whatever she says.

People say they're homophobic. Their instagram account refutes it.

People say he was mean and insulted the fandom. I remember reading a couple of statuses on DA that I thought were insensitive, but that was a long time ago. People grow and he's changed his mind a lot as you can read in his instagram stories. If you say these things referring to the post where he told people Toby wasn't real, I'm sorry, but I think he had all the right to be harsh. People said Slenderman was real, it ended up in a tragedy and now the same things were being said about Toby. Can you imagine how it's to feel you're responsible for someone's death? He was trying to protect people.

People say she went after artists that portrayed Toby in a different way than hers, yet every time she's said something that ended up hurting people, she took responsibility and apologized for it. I don't believe this person could go and directly hurt someone. Remember what I said before about her issues with impersonators and people white knighting? That could be what's happening. Even now she has problems with people pretending they know her, so be careful!

People say they have abandoned the character many times. It's true they've said they didn't want to talk about Toby on four different occasions, but I don't think they did it with that intention. Why did they redesign him then? The design we all know is inevitably tied to the creepypasta community and they want to move on from it, that's why they didn't want to talk about him. Now they made a version of the character that isn't tied to that world, so we have two Tobies, one for them and one for us. I think that's cool!

Many don't like that they can't use the old version to earn money, but I want them to understand that this is a really particular situation. Usually, people making commissions of characters that aren't theirs isn't a problem when the creator is getting money on their own (unless you're Disney, Disney has no chill). This isn't Wade's case, she has never been monetary compensated for creating or drawing Toby and she has the right of choosing not to allow the commercial use of her characters. "Give for free what you were given for free" is a rule that makes sense in this case.

I don't expect anyone to stop disliking Wade, you're free to feel whatever you want, but at least I hope that this post helps people to see that all of this is more dimensional than just "kastoway is evil". At the end of the day, she's just a dude that fucked up many times and I think her experiences can help us to not commit the same errors.

◇ Here you have all the evidence

[1] Wade's age (look at the replies)

[2] First art of Toby

[3] Toby's Origin on Kastoway's DA

[4] Post where Wade complains about the difference between fanon and canon Toby

[5] Updated Toby design

[6] Wade's DA on hiatus

[7] Wade saying he doesn't want to be known just for creating Toby

[8] Wade complaining about impersonators

[9, 11] Nancy clarifying the issues with shipping and people saying Toby was real (look at section "Kastoway and his creation")

[10] Nancy saying he won't reply asks about Toby

[12] Nancy apologizing and saying ask about Toby are welcomed

[13] Nancy announcing her departure

[14] Nancy's deleted instagram stories

[15] Toby's new design

[16] About Laughing Jack's creator

[17] About Sally's Creator

#very long post #4 pages long #kastoway #ticci toby #creepypasta #creepypasta fandom #creepypasta characters #creepypastas #deep dive

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captainbobbin · 5 months

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what do you think about the concept of haunting the narrative? like a character's whole thing being how Not There they are and yet they still influence how the story goes. it makes me think about a lot of things personally, like how people who aren't in my life anymore still affect how I act and the things I like, they haunt the narrative of my life basically. (sorry if this is strange new/old thing came up in the current hyperfixation that still has me in a stranglehold that made me think about it)

SORRY I meant to answer this far sooner - I've been rotating the answer in my head a lot haha! Gonna do a read more as I am sure I will ramble.

So I wanna say that I try to make sure that in all of my longfic series there is an overarching sense of that exact feeling, of there being someone unseen that we hear about and sense and we see their aftermath even if we don't 100% see them, or at least don't see them right away.

In my Stardew Valley Withstanding The Tide series, its most definitely Elliott's biological family. For context: Elliott, the writer, finds himself having to take care of his friend, Braeburn's, farm after a series of horrible incidents lands them both in trouble of various kinds, physically, financially, and emotionally. Elliott struggles deeply with his worth and his ability and if he and Braeburn are even friends because he simply cannot grasp the idea of him being worthy of someones time, space or energy. For the entire first part of the series we don't get a lot of information about Elliott's past at all, but I really wanted there to be a sense of 'oh this man has such a warped view of himself and there was absolutely a reason for it'.

As the second part of the series, Redamancy, goes on, we get more and more information until we meet Elliott's mother in the flesh, and I really wanted it to feel like a solid heart-stopping moment. Like this mythical, foreboding woman that has twisted Elliott's sensibilities and has only been passively mentioned is suddenly here and she is just one normal human person but she is terrifying because of the way she has had her claws sunken into what is essentially our protagonist for not only his whole life but the entire story so far. I think I even have him describe her as a hydra after the cliffhanger haha. Elliott's father is absent from the story, but that only really adds to the grief he feels; is it better to have someone you have removed from your life be entirely gone, never to return? How do you describe the feeling of knowing that someone who ought to have loved you is still just out there somewhere, living their life, unburdened by what they did to you? I write from my own experiences and I really hope that it shows - the abstraction of familial ties makes a person both desperate and terrified to form new connections to people. Elliott's familiy and their mixed intentions and twisted expressions of 'care' are things I really wanted to hang over him, even if it isnt explicitly talked about in the first half of the series.

For my DQXI Open Wounds series, there is just so much dread hanging over Hendrik, but the most obvious haunting of the narrative is by that of Norberto. For context: the world has ended and Hendrik is tasked with guiding The Luminary through the wreckage so that things can be made right again, and along their journey they reconnect with The Luminary's missing friends. However, Hendrik has secrets of his own, and has been in a state of grieving for practically his entire life. Norberto, a boy he had grown up with and idolised, vanished into the night without warning, and ever since then, Hendrik has carried the weight of that very personal loss in his heart. So as he and The Luminary make tracks across the ruins of the world - ruins that Hendrik had part in making - he thinks of Norberto. Norberto who has to be dead, he has to be, he must be dead and gone, something out there killed him because he was so good and just vanished. He never wrote. He was never heard from again. Norberto is long dead and Hendrik adored him, has never gotten over him, has never loved another. Hendrik has long lost his faith and struggles with the idea of there being an afterlife anymore, if there ever was one to begin with, but he wants so badly for Norberto to be out there, somewhere, up above, looking out for him, waiting for him, guiding his hand as he marches through the land in search of light... only to find Sylvando. Sylvando, who left in the middle of the night nigh on fifteen years ago and has changed his name, taken up a new profession, and is ecstatic to see his old best friend again. Hendrik, naturally, is torn apart. Someone who mentally he had envisioned as this unshakable, wonderful young warrior forever gone has been alive this entire time, and now lives as a travelling entertainer. He's different. Vastly different. Everything is upside down. Hendrik's worldview is shaken so many times over, people he thought he could trust have betrayed him and this boy, this person he had internalised as an angel sat on his shoulder, is now in front of him, laughing at him and being a bit of a dickhead. Hendrik already has so much grief, has seen so much loss - having Sylvando in his life ought to feel like a win, but he cannot help but just be so upset by all of this.

There's other characters thematically haunting the narrative of course - Jasper, Mordegon, the other sentinels of course - but I really wanted this harsh tone of Norberto being seperate to Sylvando, to Hendrik's own focus on this boy having haunted him for his whole life. But at the same time it is him, and he's the same, but he isn't. Would Hendrik have behaved the same if he had known the truth? About anything? How would life had been different if Sylvando had at least said goodbye? Is it too late? Were they doomed from the start? Does Sylvando even give a shit about what he's done - does he even know what he's done? Hendrik by nature is a stern and quiet character that broods and self-flagellates and struggles socially, so to be met with someone who is his equal in many ways and yet his opposite, one who he has such a history with, one who knows how to love and love so openly.... Hendrik has been carrying around a ghost for the last twenty years, only to find out that its body was still wandering around out in the big wide world, laughing and smiling and celebrating while he mourned.

And of course for my KH Left Foot Over The Right series you know it's Xemnas. I think he's mentioned in every single chapter. While Xehanort was the one who caused such ripples in the universe and put so many horrible plans into action, Xemnas is the one who had such a personal, intimate stake in Saïx and therefore Isa, let alone poor Terra. For context: Isa wakes up newly reformed and overwhelmed by humanity, crippled by guilt and unsure of what to even do with himself - Terra recognises him and their two groups come together as one as they try to figure out a new life together. Memories of Saïx and Xemnas haunt them both. Again, like my Open Wounds series, I really wanted this separation of Who They Once Were and Who They Are Now; that the past is the past and who they used to be are dead and gone and they're different now, it's a new life, change happens and this is real and things can be better - but I really hope that in my lfotr series that it's obvious that Xemnas is ingrained so deeply into everyone's psyche, not just Isa and not just Terra but the kids and Lea and everyone else; the amount of damage he did, whether conscious or not, is unavoidable and everyone is living in the aftermath of it all. Xehanort's war, the Realm Of Darkness, Nobodyism, they're all fresh and still healing and it is a lot. There are a lot of moving parts in the KH series canonically and every little thing has meaning and can cause other things to happen. Ansem The Wise, Eraqus, the entire Organization, they each influence the story, let alone the main cast of Sora and co; I find the side characters and their influence over the canon story far more interesting! Saïx canonically does so much behind the scenes that we never fully see, and he has been my special interest for eighteen years now haha - he has simply gone through so much and to suddenly be thrust back into a position where he can not only see the aftermath of everything he's done, good and bad, but feel it truly for the first time in his entire adult life? It's hard. Existing is hard. Learning is hard. Healing is hard.

Lfotr, to me, is fully about healing and how vicious is can be. While ofc there's other themes and feelings I want to portray, the path of becoming yourself and coping and reaching out and connecting is my main focus. There are good days and bad days, times when your history is a little too close for comfort, moments when the future seems far too big and far too open. Again, I write from personal experience and use my fics as a way to kind of channel my thoughts. After going through intense periods of trauma and hardship, sometimes you behave in ways you don't want to, sometimes you think in ways you know aren't healthy, sometimes you find solace in strange places and sometimes you latch onto people a little too much because they give you hope. Terra and Isa have both been impacted by what Xemnas has done, and I hope the flashbacks and memories of both him and Xehanort really make it clear that after going through so much for so long that the impact was deep and irreversible. Isa's body will always have memories of Xemnas and what he did, how he was, what he wanted. And Terra's body will always love him, despite everything.

There is also, of course, The Presence in the Realm Of Darkness :) Haunting the narrative, hm....

Life is made of cycles and patterns and things coming back - but it's also made of change and things slowly, almost unrecognisably shifting until its too late. I really hope that in my writing (or at least my longfics where I have time to ramble lmao) that the feeling of the past and its effects prevail, and I really want there to always be a sensation of a bigger, wider world being out there beyond the words I write. I want the characters I portray to feel real and human (where applicable) and for it to really seem like they've lived lifes full of lots of different feelings and memories and that all of them still bear scars in some ways.

The absence of a person can be as impactful as their presence. Sometimes even moreso. The actions of one person, the presence of one person, the smallest and most simple aspects of a person, it can all feel so grand when you focus on it - and can feel even more grand when, suddenly, they're not there anymore. I think very much that my work feels rooted in a human angle of grief - I find it very tricky to write fluff you know! - but I think our experiences around sadness and heartbreak and change help ground us in reality, and that's certaintly the vibe I would like my fics to have. Even if I am writing about yknow disney werewolf keyblade wielders and fantasy clown knights fighting dragons lmao

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yostresswritinggirl · 2 years

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I should be doing the RRL’s for my thesis and preparing for the oral defense rn but God damn am i brain rotting so hard rn. I still have all the brainrots i had from days ago and even new ones (I’m too hyperfixated on Al Ahmar and the Goddess of Flowers rn that all i can think about is the angst ) haunting me 24/7. But mother you, borg and cyno lovebot anon reading through your guys brainrots reminded me of some I had when I first read “What the heart offers.”

I think he'd even start to think that the reader finally caught up to the rumors and gossips, succumbed to the discrimination and started replacing him with the forest scholars oof the betrayal, the pain - confrontation with him as the student is FAR more aggressive than the slow burn on the original setup.

This was literally one of them, because I really thought that at the end of the story when the reader lost their memories, it meant that their whole memories of their time with Cyno.

But since I hadn’t thought of the half heart situation at that time, instead of him aggressively asking the reader, I just imagined that even though he wanted to approach the reader he couldn’t, for fear of hurting them again and the memories of their barely breathing body bloodied up inside the ruins would always haunt him.

The day of the accident, being the day he could confidently say was the day his life just basically fell apart, as from that day onward he lost the only person who made him feel loved and cared, the only person in the akademiya who was his pillar and his light against the dark gazes of the other scholars, but now all that was left now is someone who looks at him in distain for being a child born from the dessert

So even if it pained him he just slowly watched as the reader turn like everyone in the akademiya, leaving him all alone which wouldn’t be much of a difference from before he met the reader, but now there will forever be a hole in his heart (Ironically) where he could only fill it up with guilt for not being enough to protect them.

Bonus: Cyno would still be protective of the reader who even now unknowingly still has his beaten up heart in their grasps. That no matter how reader of today has changed to one who has turned to hate him, hate him all they want but that won’t change how his heart would only belong to them and only them. He would also occasionally visit them at night like how he visits collei, passing by just to check if they’re safe and sound and if there isn’t danger lurking near their home.

I’d love to add more to this brainrot but rn my brain is currently dead and I’m still gonna proceed to murder it further since I have yet to finish the thesis.

Also mother… since when… did we have a geovishap…?

- Lady in the lake anon

(P.S I’ve tried writing, technically still am since I’m a literary editor for my uni’s student publication, before and let’s just say the story was better written in my head)

Oh my goodness, the moment you mentioned those words, I immediately looked at my hardbound thesis and shuddered (I almost forgot it existed) I am still healing, please be mindful when talking about research /j

But hey goddamnit not again with yall brainrotting and not doing school shit, go away! On the other hand, if you need advice or questions, I'm here for that too!

(I've always been hyperfixated on the scarlet king and goddess of flowers since I heard of them, I need more of their lore gdi) It's so funny how What The Heart Offers pretty much transcended past the fic itself and now have so many versions, I'm starting to get confused of it myself haha

Glad we have the same brain but that's so mean, I can't possibly think of that myself hhh! But it's so true isn't it, actually much worse if the roles are reversed where he's the one with the memory loss, ughfhufhfh but geezus you're really tearing Cyno apart here come on skdbdoanwnajdo

Oh we've had a geovishap since long ago! Our primo geovishap is spiriteddreams haha

(nah you did fantastic shush!)

#heart!cyno #lady in the lake #exile.goblet #exile.reader #about deepwood #dandi

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bookwyrminspiration · 2 years

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Hi :] so this is my first time doing an ask so I apologize if this sounds awkward or anything. But anyway, I saw a couple of your kotlc song analysis and was wondering what you think of Creature by half alive for Fintan or any character in general?

I don't exactly know why my mind was hyperfixated with this song and Fintan but it just did. Hv a nice day :]

Hi, Nonsie!! No need to apologize, you're doing just fine I promise. And I love that song!! It's one of my "my spine is being turned inside out" (/pos) songs that's just so *clenches fist*

There are so many lines that could fit Fintan!! The first one I think of is "Even the depths of the night cannot blind me / When You guide me," specifically in relation to Everblaze. It's like this thing he reveres, that calls to him, the power overwhelming and awe inspiring. And nothing an withstand it's fury, no darkness or hesitation or doubt, it's incandescent and ethereal and all consuming and he can control it--or at least work in enough harmony with this flame to achieve his goals. But this line specifically reminds me of that one scene where he's explaining it to Sophie before stopping, realizing she doesn't understand the appeal because she's not a pyrokinetic. The line just has that sense of openness and awe, if that makes sense. I don't know how else to explain it but it's falling to your knees in reverence, arms open to the sky, speechless.

for some reason the line "Haunted by a darker side / Transcends to walking in the light" reminds me very specifically of his relationship to everblaze as well. He's more than that but it's what my brain is focusing on rn. But the "darker side" could be his history with it, being the only survivor of an attempt to summon it gone gravely wrong, ending in multiple deaths of people who were probably his friends, but any hesitation or grief around it transcends instead to that reverence I mentioned before. He finds the beauty in it, finds the calm, finds the storm, finds himself, finds the light of the everblaze burning through everything it used to be to him. Now the past that haunted him has been transformed into something new and dangerous

oh and then there's "Hidden in the space between / Hero and the enemy" like that was a whole thing in the early books!! Sophie trying to figure out who were the good guys and who were the bad guys because they're not as different as we want them to be. And Fintan has a point about the treatment of pyrokinetics and the complacency of the council and how things aren't working--those are sentiments our hero would agree with, yet he turns around and kills people and manipulates them and tries to help force another species into slavery, which are bad!! Two conflicting parts of him where it's like he's a hero gone wrong, but we can't vilify every single thing about him because he's more than just a bad person, he's this grey area. He's helped people, he wants a right denied to him, he wants change. He's a hero and an enemy and a mix of everything in between, but he's still not a good person.

It's just!! It has this sense of Fintan that's much more personal and gentle and strikes a nerve, rather than him being a super powerful evil person, but more as...a person? I don't know if that makes sense but it's like it taps into a side of him we don't see as often and i love it!

thank you for the suggestion because I always love looking at this song, and I will do my best to have a good day! I don't have to do any homework today so!! off to a good start!

#kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #kotlc music analysis #fintan pyren #quil's queries #nonsie #I also associate the song with sophie. at least pesonally #so that could fit well with the fintan/sophie parallels #or the 'fintan is trans time traveling sophie' thing #but also I just like the song :)#I actually had a project a few semesters ago where we had to define/conceptualize happiness through different things #like artwork and music etc.#and for the song one I chose this song #i bet I could find it if anyone was curious #could show you how I conceptualize happiness

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burnedbyshoto · 4 years

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a sloppily thrown together, my small take on what happens to bakugou if izuku finally listened to his bullying & ended his life:

“you shitty fucking idiot,” bakugou wants to growl but can only pitifully whimper instead.

his head is spinning, his heart an inferno, and the tears refuse to fall from his eyes in the same way the bile refuses to escape his throat. he’s feeling things he has no right to be feeling, shaking with emotions he can’t figure out why he’s feeling because he doesn’t care about midoriya izuku! he doesn’t! he hasn’t in years! fucking years, damnit! “you’ve never listened to a single damn thing i’ve ever told you, a-and now... then you decided to listen? now you fucking listen to me?! werent you supposed to be the best?! how you can be the fucking best six feet under, hah?! fucking better than all might my ass!! what the f-fuck is wrong with you, d-deku?!”

bakugou katsuki stands in front of midoriya izuku’s tomb today.

it’s been ten years since his “tragic death,” one that people only ended up caring about because it happened at school. no one cared because he was quirkless, no one even cared to ask why he had climbed up those stairs that day, no one but midoriya inko had screamed and screeched, sobbing as she collapsed on the hospital stairs.

the funeral was meek and small. inko was alone, as hisashi couldn’t break away from work, and the bakugous had only shown up because of mitsuki’s relationship with inko. katsuki had stayed in the car, he refused to see the service, refused to see izuku’s blubbering, worse for wear mother absolutely losing it, refused to see the bin that held izuku’s dead essence.

he refused to see him then, utterly consumed with emotions he couldn’t deal with.

so here he was now.

bakugou katsuki, for the past ten years, has been living a life aiming for the top that has become harder and increasingly bitter. he went to ua, was taught by all might, watched all might weather and eventually die, he watched his classmates rise above all, and he grew up. but for ten years, he also found himself unable to go home, unable to talk about his childhood, unable to fully connect with his classmates.

he woke up, got ready, worked, got home, slept.

repeat.

he was still angry, still meeting people head on, but there was also something clearly haunting him.

he cursed people out, but he never said to die, he never said to go to hell, never said people would rather wish they were dead.

his classmates watched as their usual stoic, angry classmate break down into a sobbing mess when he got too drunk and they dubbed a stuffed broccoli doll an official classmate of theirs.

he freezes up whenever someone mentions that they’re a deku, even if jokingly.

he gazed at freckles just a bit longer, curls just a bit more.

they watch as bakugou katsuki, the person they expect the least to be gentle with people standing on the edge of the building, become raw, emotional, almost still. no one mentions that he’s crying when he comes off the building with the trembling middle schooler who is sobbing uncontrollably.

no mentions how bakugou katsuki is a prime volunteer in suicide watch, a loud advocate in suicide prevention.

everyone just suspects it’s just something he’s really into, a rare hyperfixation he has on his way to number one.

at twenty-five, bakugou katsuki has somehow made number one. somehow despite the way a curly, green haired ghost continues to haunt him, he makes it. but there’s no joy in it, there’s no sense of relief and satisfaction to this win.

mirio had all mights quirk, but he lost it at a mission in high school. he had been lucky to get his original quirk back, honestly to be alive, but the girl with the time quirk could only give him back his original quirk.

todoroki somehow has managed with only using half of his quirk. he’s lucky to be this far up with only 50% of his quirk, and he was still so cold, he, like half of his quirk, was ice cold.

bakugou can’t even remember who else is in the top ten outside of them two, he just knows they were his heaviest contenders, and he had won. but he knew it was all wrong, that something was needed to make it right, but he wasn’t sure where exactly to fix it.

so in some attempt to make himself better, to make this complete victory real, he finally ends up back in the one place he’s avoided for years. in both mind and person.

he shows up with a small bowl of katsudon, a tiny detail about izuku he remembers clear as day. it’s been ten years since he’s seen izuku, more since he knew anything about izuku, but the moment he steps in front of the stone it feels as if he’s fifteen again.

fifteen, dumb, and with burning fear for the one person in his life he couldn’t figure out and therefore feared. he hated what he feared, he hated that if izuku had just the slight bit of luck and gotten a quirk he would be his greatest rival. he hated that izuku was quirkless. he hated himself for letting it all mean so much to him in the end. he hated that he could never officially apologize to izuku, to hear that stupid kacchan in his ears one more time, to grip that shitty bastards cheeks tight in his hands and tell him that if he decided to actually jump off that roof he was going to fucking kill him.

just the other day bakugou katsuki felt like he could barely remember midoriya izuku, but just now, everything he could ever remember comes back. the curly dark green eyes, the eyes that shone no matter what emotion he was feeling, the eight dark identical freckles on his cheeks that outshine the lighter stardust on the rest of his face. he remembers the shy dimple on izuku’s mouth, and the way his voice trembles when he spoke, tremble everyone focused and ignored the steely unbreakabke spine in his tone.

where was the unbreakable izuku he knew?!

so bakugou katsuki for the first time reads midoriya izuku’s tombstone and in a feat much similar to midoriya inko ten years ago, loses it.

he curses, spits, cries, screams.

he screams until his voice is hoarse and every last thing he has ever wanted to say to midoriya izuku has tumbled past his lips and has undoubtedly woken up izuku’s dead form.

“fuck you,” bakugou snarls, it’s a weak snarl, it’s too wet, too much of a pathetic whimper. “i got number one, just like i said i would! i got number one and your stupid shitnerd self wasn’t around to watch me! ‘kacchan sugoi’ my fucking ass!! you shitty fucking nerd thinking that you should listen to me, why the fuck would you? i bet you’re laughing at me, aren’t you? laughing because i’m like this despite you not meaning shit to me. you fucking damn coward, just you f-fucking wait.”

bakugou katsuki storms away that day and decides he will continue to be the best.

he’ll be the best knowing that shitty nerd will watch him no matter where he is.

it takes years, disasterous highs and lows, but bakugou katsuki is finally in his deathbed. he was the number one hero for years, he was famous for his work with advocating for mental health with particular emphasis on the quirkless. he was still angry, still cursing villains, screaming at civilians, and he angrily cries whenever someone does anything remotely wrecklessly self-sacrificing in front of him.

midoriya inko never truly forgave him, but he appreciated the pot of spicy curry on his work desk after he opened the midoriya izuku foundation when he turned twenty-six.

he lived, loved, and did all he could to be the best version of himself. he learned to accept that midoriya izuku somehow cared for him in spite of it all, and that there was no way izuku could ever laugh at his misery. so he lived. he was living his best so that the nerd he was so desperately hoping was watching him from wherever he was happy too.

please be happy.

and with a drawing, shaky last breath, bakugou katsuki closes his eyes for the last time.

“kacchan, hi!”

“...hey, deku.”

#idk what to tag this but it’s messy and sloppy #anyways I truly honestly think that had izuku jumped bakugou katsuki would be wrecked but in subtle ways #he would never admit that his death hurt him would do everything to continue on until he gets it all #he gets it all and he realizes in horror it isn’t enough #because izuku and katsuki are apart of the same storyline #they’re the same story but without just one part of them you lose so much #and I think they both hate to admit it #idk just some fun sad stuff #lyssa doesnt shut up

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issamhysa · 4 years

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Énouement

Pairing: Will Graham x Reader

Summary: After the fall, Will believed he would never recover. Time proves him wrong.

Warnings: Rowdy girls, fluffy situations, dad Will Graham, and obviously, SPOILERS!

A/N: Ah, hyperfixation.

Five years. It had been five years since Will left his old life behind. The FBI, Jack Crawford, and Hannibal Lecter were now but fleeting memories he no longer acknowledged. Memories he swore he would never allow to hurt him again.

At least, that’s what he kept telling himself. And you.

He knew you trusted him enough to believe him. You had known Will when he found himself at his lowest point. Back when he was in therapy with Hannibal Lecter, coming to you at three in the morning after a nightmare and forcing himself to strain his empathic abilities for the sake of Jack Crawford. You knew about the atrocious acts Hannibal coerced Will into doing. You knew about Garrett Jacob Hobbs, Randall Tier, and Francis Dolarhyde. You knew about what had happened between him and Alana, and you knew about Margot and Mason. He had told you everything.

And despite it all, the nurses and doctors told him you refused to leave his side when they found him after the fall.

The two of you had only been going out casually back at the time, although, later into the relationship, you confessed you weren’t sure if Will loved you as you did him. It took months of recovery with you by his side for him to finally come around and admit how he truly felt about you.

You and Will decided to leave Wolf Trap. He left everything, took the dogs and moved as far away from his haunted past as he could. Months later, he married you in Switzerland.

It wasn't a big wedding, it didn’t need to be. Your wedding consisted of a few of your closest family members, Alana Bloom, Margot Verger, and their son, Morgan. They were the only people Will allowed back into his life after everything had happened, and so they became part of your little family.

You and Will had never planned on having children. Of course, you talked about it and you both agreed that it could be something you would both want eventually. But after seeing how Will interacted with Alana's son Morgan, you did find yourself wanting to see Will interact with a child of his own. A couple of years later, you had two beautiful girls.

Now, Will found himself sitting outside in the backyard on an embroidered quilt with your head on his lap and your feet flat against the soft green grass. The sun shone brightly upon the both of you, and Will inhaled the fresh air before exhaling in a contented sigh. His toes dug into the dirt under his feet, and his hands worked on slowly feeding you wild strawberries he and the girls had picked in the morning. Will watched you turn your head away from the kalimba between your hands and towards the woods. Upon seeing the smile on your face, his eyes turned to gaze at the sight before him. The smile that spread through his lips was a prideful one.

The oldest of your daughters, Thora, was chasing the little one, Cashmere, all over the edge of the woods, a toad held between her delicate little hands. Their favorite sundresses were stained with mud at the bottom, as were their bare feet. Wildflowers, twigs, and green leaves decorated their wild curly hair, courtesy of Will’s own genes. Their eyes were bright as they ran around, screaming and giggling in pure joy. Will's dogs chased after them, tails wagging faster than Will had ever seen them wag. They barked at the running girls, who paused to pet them with muddied hands. Ever so loyal, Winston sat by Will, watching over the girls as they ran around and played. Will scratched behind his ear gently, causing Winston’s paw to thump almost rhythmically against the dirt.

Never in a million years did Will Graham imagine this is how his life would turn out.

Will couldn’t help but chuckle fondly at the thought before turning to look down at you. He found you smiling up at him, and for a second, Will was awestruck. Your smile was one of the things he loved most about you. Something that never failed to make him stop and wonder how the hell he got so lucky to have you.

He leaned down, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. As usual, your lips tasted of the sweetness he became addicted to from the moment you shared your first kiss on that stormy night in Wolf Trap. Reluctantly, he pulled away, his thumb gently brushing a fleck of dirt off your cheek.

The girls returned to the two of you, panting and grinning and holding something behind their backs. They shared a look and brought their hands forward, holding two daisy chains.

“What’s this?” You asked, setting your kalimba down and sitting up straight to look at the girls, who giggled with glee and plopped a daisy chain on his head and yours.

“Flower crowns! One for mommy, and one for daddy! Now, you can be the king and the queen of our kingdom! Right, Mere?”

“Uh-huh! King and queen!” The little one nodded her head wildly, her little cheeks flushed from exertion.

You smiled, “Thank you, little loves. These are beautiful crowns, aren’t they, Will?” You looked at him, the flower crown sitting at an angle on your head.

Will’s smile softened as he cupped his daughters' cheeks, leaving soft kisses on their foreheads. “Fit for a king and a queen. Thank you, my little princesses,” he answered, gently tucking a strand of hair away from Cashmere's little face.

“Now,” you spoke up. “Go wash up, it’s almost time for dinner, and we’re making your favorite tonight, Thora.”

The girls lit up, bouncing on their heels, and clapping their hands together. Cashmere even started spinning around, which rendered her a little dizzy, as she stumbled for a second. Will had to reach out and grab her to keep her from falling.

“It’s spaghetti night!” Thora cheered, her blue eyes wide. “Wait, can we have dessert tonight, too?”

“Dessert! Dessert!” Cashmere squealed, hearing her sister’s question and looking at you expectantly.

“Hmm, well, I do have a black forest cake sitting in the kitchen! You best wash up before Winston finds it and gobbles it up!”

While Winston tilted his head in confusion at the mention of his name, the girls squealed with delight, and after taking Cashmere’s little hand in her own, Thora bolted towards the shore to wash the mud off her hands and feet.

He was lucky, oh so lucky to have ended up with you and his gorgeous girls. They had your curiosity, your stubbornness, but they had his wit and cleverness. They were perfect, and Will had you to thank for that.

Will wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close and connecting his lips to yours. He almost shivered when your arms wrapped themselves around his neck to deepen the kiss. After the two of you pulled away, you pressed your forehead to his and nudged his nose with yours, making him chuckle.

“I love you, Y/N. Thank you for giving me my life back,” he whispered, kissing the tip of your nose.

You smiled in return, brushing a curl away from his eyes and holding a hand under his chin. “You did that yourself, Will. But I love you, too, and I’m glad I was here to help.”

As the two of you pulled apart, Thora and Cashmere bounded back towards the both of you. You grabbed Cashmere and tugged her onto your lap, and Will wrapped his arms tight around Thora, tickling her and reveling in the sound of her sweet laughter. Next to him, you were peppering Cashmere’s face with kisses, causing her to squeal and laugh as well.

At that moment, Will suddenly wished he could go back in time. He wished he could look down on his old self and tell him that everything he’d go through, all the pain he’d be forced to endure would lead him to the woman of his dreams, to two beautiful girls that made him feel as though the world was brighter than it had ever been.

To the life he had never expected he would have, but would never let go of.

#nbc hannibal #nbc hannibal x reader #hannibal #hannibal x reader #will graham #will graham x reader #hugh dancy #hugh dancy x reader #fanfiction #fanfic #writing #will graham imagine

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crimeboyultimate · 3 years

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If any of yall remember The Haunted/The Haunting (minecraft herobrine rp series) I’d like to bring to your consideration:

c!Ranboo and c!Drake are related.

So this might just be me combining hyperfixations and it’s definitely not canon or ever going to be but I love The Haunted so I’m going to ramble anyways.

1: They’re both half Enderman

Kind of an odd point to start on considering hybrids/nonhumans are pretty common within the DSMP, but it’s been established that Ranboo is the only enderman hybrid on the server, and Drake has a similar situation within The Haunted. Of course, Drake is part enderman because he was originally human but his soul latched onto the body of an enderman and used it as a host body, transforming it in the process, but we have no evidence that this couldn’t be passed on genetically. To add to this, we have clear evidence that other races of nonhumans exist within The Haunting’s universe due to the existence of an elf character.

2: Both have amnesia/memory loss

Memory problems aren’t always genetic, but they definitely can be. Of course, both could have memory loss due to trauma, or in Drake’s case because of Herobrine, but it is a noteable similarity. Also, because of this we know very little about Ranboo’s past or backstory.

3: Both have “magic” abilities

The Dream SMP has very few characters with genuine magical abilities. Dream XD is canonically a god due to creative mode, and Drista does whatever she wants, but other than that there’s very few characters with magic (unless we’re counting Jack Manifold crawling out of hell because he’s just too pissed to remain dead but he’s an outlier and should not be counted).

One character that’s shown to have genuine magic abilities, or at least magic to this server, is Ranboo. He’s been shown to be able to pick up spawners, an action that is unique to him within the server, which is described as a “main character” moment by several other characters he interacts with, implying that this is seen as magic or at least highly unusual. He’s also been shown to be able to look at enderman without them attacking him, as well as being able to talk to them.

Magic is also somewhat rare within the world of The Haunted. When Drake is in our modern time, which is heavily implied to be the past within the timeline, there’s no mention of magic whatsoever. When he and the others travel through time to what appears to be the past (later implied to be the far-off future), magic is displayed as being rare and powerful, but it definitely exists and becomes a major plot point within the series as time goes on. Drake in particular has the ability to teleport, another trait associated with endermen. Spawners were never used within The Haunted, so it’s entirely possible that Drake could have been able to pick up a spawner if he had been exposed to one.

4: Parallels between Ranboo’s enderwalk and Drake’s (partial) possession by Herobrine

Ranboo’s enderwalk state is shown to be a completely separate entity from him normally. He speaks rarely, picks up and places blocks similarly to endermen, and is much more impressionable by Dream. As well as this, normal Ranboo often has hallucinations of antagonistic figures in his life. Drake’s possession is uncannily similar, or at least implied to be. Armin, who carries the majority of Herobrine throughout The Haunted, is an entirely separate person from Herobrine Armin. In his nonlucid state he is quite similar to enderwalk Ranboo. He doesn’t speak, and acts on the base instinct and influence of Herobrine, much like Ranboo acts on his enderman instincts and Dream’s influence. Drake, though never shown in a state where Herobrine is controlling his body, also has hallucinations/visions, similar to Ranboo.

5: Complete lack of coherent timeline in The Haunted

Any longtime fans of The Haunted know that the timeline is quite messed up and incoherent at times, probably because the series was made over the course of several years and the ideas that the creators had for it changed over this long period of time. However, I’m ignoring any reasonable explanations because I want to, because I’m completely separating author from fiction, and because it’s one of my favorite parts of the entire series.

The DreamSMP also has an incoherent timeline, partly because of real to minecraft time conversions, and partly because of Karl’s lore streams. Because of this, I’m saying whatever I want and you can’t stop me.

The Haunted begins in what is assumed to be our modern time, due to similarities in technology, language, and culture. However, the characters are transported to a setting that is seemingly in the past, though later heavily implied (and possibly confirmed?) to be in the far future. This proves that time travel is completely possible within the world of The Haunted. Due to Karl, time travel is also confirmed to be possible within the DSMP. Therefore, it’s entirely possible that Drake and Ranboo could be related, if not from their usual times then from timeline shenanigans.

6: Post-apocalyptic settings

The Haunted, due to the past (our present) being shown as being in ruins, can easily be called post-apocalyptic, especially when one considers the archaeologic discoveries of depictions of a figure heavily implied(pretty much confirmed) to be Herobrine destroying “modern” civilization, which were found within an underground labyrinth in the second to last season (not counting the reboot, stop fixing the timeline >:(). The DreamSMP could also be seen as post-apocalyptic, due to references to modern society within a world that has clearly not developed past our world’s early 20th century/late 19th century. Also, Mizu is clearly post-something, with the DSMP’s destruction and a decay of the world’s history.

7: Ranbob and Grayson’s unnamed dead kids exist

Grayson was confirmed to have been married and had children in the 5 years that Drake and Grayson were canonically apart within The Haunting, and Drake never was shown to not have kids, so even if it’s unlikely due to his avoidance of any cities or large gatherings of people it’s not impossible. Also, he could have had children before he was teleported away from his original spot on the timeline, though this is unlikely.

As well as this, Ranbob exists. Ranboo definitely had kids, so technically if Ranboo isn’t Drake’s decendant it could definitely be the other way around.

8: Death of the author

Ranboo if you are reading this I want you to know that unless you explicitly state within the DSMP that your character isn’t related to Drake then there’s literally nothing that can definitively prove otherwise. As an author, once you put out your media you are dead to it and cannot further influence it. Also, I really doubt that the dudes behind The Haunting would see this or care so it’s really up to Ranboo in this situation.

Hope yall enjoyed, especially since I wrote this instead of finishing my English homework. Please agree/reblog? Please?

#The Haunted #The Haunting #mcytblr #ranboo #c!ranboo #dsmpblr #dsmp #dream smp #I am begging you to read this bc this is definitely gonna cost me my grade lol #also please reblog

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thatmomentwhen345 · 4 years

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Ok ummmmmmmmmmmmmm

These last two weeks have been very emotionally exhausting because of finals and what I’m about to tell you and I don’t really know how to sum it up so I guess you’re getting the same treatment as my Facebook (this is copied directly from the post on there and was posted on December 12th for context)

(This is the beginning of the Facebook post)

You guys, I don’t know what to do.

You might have gathered from my last few posts, but I’m not okay. And it will sound like such a stupid reason to the majority of you. But I made an irreversible mistake back in 2019 that has been haunting me for the past week. This is the first time that I can remember regretting a decision this much. Was it my stubbornness, my closed-mindedness? Was it my see-it-to-believe-it tendencies? Was it my inability to learn from my mistakes?

For those who don’t know, on November 13th of this year, the YouTube channel Unus Annus was deleted from the platform forever. After one year of daily videos by Markiplier and CrankGameplays, it was all gone. The point of the channel was to remind us to use our time that we have alive wisely, because Memento Mori. Remember that you must die.

The channel started on November 15th of 2019, and, well, I don’t know anything about their beginnings. I just saw their introduction video in my recommended or on trending or something and thought, “Is that Markiplier? Shouldn’t he be focusing on his own channel? Who’s this other guy?” and moved on without a second thought. I occasionally saw their videos in the trending tab but ignored them. I didn’t even know they had such a big following. I thought it looked stupid and didn’t think about it until, well, the end.

A few weeks ago, my brother was watching the final livestream that would mark the day that the channel was deleted for good. I was in the room with the livestream on the TV, watching their final hours tick by, still not thinking about the channel at all. Just like, oh hey that thing that people were talking about, wasn’t it like, a cult? I didn’t think about it at all until... the fifth of December? Was it really only a week ago? That feels like a lifetime away now...

The YouTuber FootofaFerret released a video called “Pretending Unus Annus Isn’t Over” and I saw it in my reccomended. https://youtu.be/8SMpCbI9U00 I was like, hey, yeah, I remember that thing that ended. I trusted Foafy’s judgement because of his previous videos about saying goodbye to Steven Universe. So I watched it and don’t really remember how it made me feel. I just remember him saying that the Unus Annus fandom was in mourning and I was like “aw poor guys I’ve seen on TikTok some people are sad about it”. Foafy also suggested that people who were wanting more of the Unus Annus vibe to watch Mark’s Markiplier Makes playlist. I watched some of them and, again, moved on.

The timeline is fuzzy from here on. I’m still processing it, honestly. I think I might have looked up the Unus Annus theme (Turncoat by Michael Rothery) first? Then I think I found some compilations or clips from their videos and was like wow this stuff is funny. And then I realized that there are archived versions of all of their videos (that’s against the rules of Unus Annus for those who don’t know) and... don’t hate me... went looking for them. I watched two in full. I won’t say which two but just know that the second one I specifically searched out because I knew that they did a lot of random stuff on there and that there was a chance that they would do it too. And they did! It was a funny video. I realized how much of a fun dynamic that Ethan and Mark had and looked for more compilations. The more I watched, the more I realized that I had made a terrible mistake in 2019.

I had missed out on so much. And I couldn’t take it back without breaking the rules. The concept of Unus Annus intrigued me so much, all of the people involved on the channel worked so well together, they were all so funny, but now I could never experience it in full because I was stubborn and, well, thinking about other things this year. I could have jumped in at any point between then and November 13th of this year but I chose not to.

Monday was a rollercoaster. 1st stage: denial. I was like well this doesn’t matter, I’m not even in the UA fandom, it’s gone and I don’t care. But it wasn’t that simple of course. I kept watching the Markiplier Makes videos and the UA compilations and became particularly interested in Ethan. He seemed very genuine and sensitive and his on-camera chemistry with Mark was really entertaining. 2nd stage: anger. I was furious at myself for missing out. Those two videos I watched in full were just small teasers for what the entire channel was like. I hated that I couldn’t take it back. And I hated that if I did, I would’ve broken the rules and gone against Mark and Ethan’s wishes, which I also wouldn’t be able to take back. I was horribly conflicted. 3rd stage: bargaining. I desperately went after any content surrounding Unus Annus that I could without breaking the rules, and was still considering watching the illegal archives. I haven’t watched any more of them in full, but sometimes I watch parts of them in incognito mode when it becomes too much to bear.

Tuesday was... Tuesday had to have been the longest day I’ve had the entire year. 4th stage: depression. It was slowly sinking in, the gravity of my mistake. I was starting to realize how much of a phenomenon Unus Annus was and that it was so unique and had such a cool message and that it made so many peoples’ 2020 just a little bit better, but not mine. I then did what I always do and found my comfort in music. I put on a bunch of good songs that I hadn’t heard in a while and just... sat there painstakingly doing my math homework. I couldn’t concentrate on anything the whole day. Monday, either. The song Goodbye to a World by Porter Robinson came on and I was like hey, this song perfectly suits the way I’m feeling right now. I wondered if anyone else had made connections between this song and Unus Annus and looked to see if there had been any AMVs (animated music videos) about the idea and the end of UA. Lo and behold, this popped up and I watched it! https://youtu.be/-q-oByQWdlM It hit all the right spots and I just started bawling. What had I done? Why had I missed this opportunity to improve my 2020, just a little bit? Why had I missed this opportunity to get to know Mark and Ethan better? Everyone who had watched all of their videos could feel peace after the end, like Mark and Ethan. But I couldn’t. I could only forever regret my mistake. MY mistake.

Terrible things have happened this year, but all of them have been out of my control. This, however, was my fault. And I can never take it back. And I am having a very hard time handling that.

I don't know how many times I cried on Tuesday. The next song to come on after I watched the AMV was As the World Caves In by Matt Maltese which of course broke me even further. This song also perfectly encapsulated my dilemma. Later I finished my tribute drawing of the channel logo and felt the smallest bit better. The rest of the day is a blur.

Wednesday was better, I guess? I thought I had made it to the 5th stage: acceptance. I was still very sad and mad at myself but I was starting to realize that there was nothing I could do. I subscribed to Ethan’s channel and started getting to know him better. He’s so sweet and talented ☺️

But no, acceptance is still far away. Thursday and Friday were barely better than Tuesday. I painted my nails black and white as a way of coping. I went to a livestream on Ethan’s Twitch and it was really fun! I started watching more of his streams and on one of them he mentioned that his Twitch chat mods had TikToks. So I wondered if he also had a TikTok, which he does! I looked to see if he posted one on the day UA ended. The answer was no but he did post one the day after asking if someone with the skills required could make a mashup of the song Cancer by My Chemical Romance and As the World Caves In. https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJqgyrkR/ I was like wowie this guys got taste! And so I looked up if there was a mashup. As a matter of fact, there was one by Clem Turner on YouTube that came out only three days after the end of Unus Annus. https://youtu.be/a5RTVoreSAY I cannot express how much I love this, what it made me feel, and how much it hurt/helped. So I commented on Ethan’s TikTok about it and only a few hours later a new comment appeared on Clem’s video. Ethan had seen it! So I’m just gonna assume I was responsible for that... not only that but half of the comments on the mashup were about Unus Annus as you can see below. I realized how big of a following UA had and felt bad (because of course the people who had actually been with UA the whole way would be grieving a lot more than me), but also, comforted by the fact we could all connect over the loss of something important to them, if in a lot of different ways.

I’m far from getting over this. I’m far from being okay. I’ve never really felt like this before. I feel like a different person than I was last week. But I wanted to write all this down to let it out, process it a little bit, and maybe get some comfort from you guys. It’s completely understandable if you didn’t read this all the way through so...

TLDR: Memento Mori.

(This is the end of the Facebook post)

What I just described really shifted a lot of things in my head in a way I didn’t expect and in a very short amount of time. So, long story short, my Steven Universe hyperfixation ended very suddenly because of an outside factor and I probably won’t be posting a lot about it anymore. Hope you understand.

(art by me but I used the official UA logo as a reference)

#personal #long post #my art #please read if you are wondering about the change of atmosphere

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happymeishappylife · 4 years

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DC CW Shows

I finally caught up on all the DC Universe shows. Quite an accomplishment for me considering I was 2 seasons behind. It feels good to finally get caught up to speed, but some of them are starting to feel like chores getting through them, rather than fun entertainment. A concern that gets amplified by the fact that the producers want to add on 2 more shows to the line up. So I felt like it was a good idea to breakdown my thoughts on each of the shows and what I liked/didn’t like. Plus then I will break down my thoughts on Crisis, because I have a lot of them. I’ll also rank these as I go as far as which ones I liked best, beginning with least to best. So let’s begin:

#7 - The Flash

I used to love this show so much. The first two seasons were a lot of fun and I loved all the characters so much. Thanks to the writing though, I can’t honestly say I don’t like this show much at all anymore and that’s kinda sad. Part of the reason is it became soooo angsty. Like the reason The Flash was great, was it was the antithesis to the angst on Arrow which made it so refreshing to watch. Now it’s like everyone must suffer some sort of pain over the tiniest things or worse, they become entrapped in characters and situations like its been haunting them for years when it only got introduced a couple episodes ago. At this point the only characters I care about are Caitlyn/Frost, Joe and Cecile West, Wally (when he’s on, which is like never), and Ralph. And that’s painful that Hartley won’t be returning to fill that role anymore because he was the only one who still could joke and laugh around like old Team Flash.

Season 5: Overall season 5 had a pretty solid storyline despite some of the angsty writing. After a while though I got pretty sick of fighting Chicada over and over again, especially Grace’s version. My one big pet peeve with it though was the relationship of Nora to Barry and Iris. I’m sorry. I can’t honestly picture any 20-30 something meeting their adult daughter and automatically assuming the role of an actual parent and treating her like a preteen. That always felt super weird and uncomfortable. Not to mention it happened almost automatically with little to no hang ups on ‘is this really our kid? Should we trust her?’ Plus then it created angst between Barry and Iris which I’m really over at this point in the series because their relationship was never my favorite to begin with.

Season 6: A hot mess. Granted, because of Crisis and Covid-19, the season probably didn’t get a fair chance to play out to it’s full potential. But cutting the season into two arcs didn’t do it any justice. Especially because instead of having character growth, I felt like a lot of the characters regressed. Take Barry for instance. The whole first part of the season is him prepping/training the team to take over for him after Crisis since he believes he is going to die. Only when he doesn’t, he assumes the role of leader still without actually leading. He stops telling his team members key details and putting aside the fact he killed the speed force, he stopped being a hero. The whole fight scene with Mirror-Iris, was so bizarre to watch. Yes, Barry would never hurt the real Iris, but she’s not and instead he just stands there and gets stabbed over and over, crying at the end that she’s not there. It’s really hard to watch.

#6 - Arrow

Arrow used to be in my top 3 slots as last I left it. The storylines were still on point. But leading up to Crisis and the show ending, there were some things that worked for me and some that didn’t. Still, kudos to the team for standing their ground and saying that we’ve told all we can tell, let’s put this show to bed and give it a close it deserves. It made the ending super emotional, but at the same time satisfying despite, Oliver’s death in the universe. My only complaint is the fact that the producers can’t put it fully to bed and now want to reboot Arrow all over again with Mia and the canaries. Don’t get me wrong watching strong women take more of the leading roles is awesome, but not to tell and retell the same storylines.

Season 7: The first half of the season when Oliver was in Iron Heights was not my favorite. Mainly because as it continues to develop it was like all the reasons he got put in Iron Heights to begin with no longer mattered. Diaz is still on the lose, he’s still playing his games in prison, and really what was the point? Now the second half of the season where we focus on his rehabilitation into society and working with the SCPD to track and take down his sister Emiko, was actually good. Too bad it got horribly overshadowed by a time travel flash-forward storyline to introduce and make us care about Mia.

Season 8: Obviously this season was the closeout season and the season leading up to Crisis. But I liked the way they treated it. They gave cameo spots and guest starring spots to former faces like Thea (she’s still freaking awesome), Tommy, Moira, and even Merlyn came back. My only complaint was that all of sudden we did have another time travel situation on our hands to meet our future kids. Thankfully I felt Arrow overall took that development better than the Flash, which since that was only a couple episodes and not a season, says something about the writing. Plus the post-Crisis pilot for the Green Arrow and Canaries felt a little out of place given everything that happened and a little insulting.

#5 - Supergirl

There’s parts of Supergirl I still absolutely love to pieces and the writing that are still doing it the justice that started the show by telling storylines of not only heroism, but commentary on today’s events to help push for progress. I love the whole cast of characters and think the acting has been great. My only complaint is with Season 5 and the fact that the show is beginning to find its tipping point of being less than stellar. I mean, I still enjoy it, but it’s beginning to show its where and tear so I’m worried what’s going to happen as it continues forward. Especially as it gets hyperfixated on Lex Luthor, who don’t get me wrong is a fabulous villain, but isn’t that Superman’s arch nemesis, not Supergirl’s?

Season 4: What a great commentary to tell throughout the season that parallels the feelings and conversations being had about immigration in our own world. I thought the idea of the Alien Amnesty Act squaring off against Ben Lockwood and his Agents of Liberty was not only great commentary but great story telling. I also loved that we got to introduce Nia Nall into the series because she’s fantastic and has become one of my favorite characters. I even love the twist reveal of how Ben Lockwood isn’t the enemy, it’s really Lex Luthor and his communist Supergirl clone. Plus Jon Crier plays an amazing Lex Luthor.

Season 5: Don’t get me wrong, the stakes and the storylines with Leviathan and Obsidian North, I do think are important and worth telling, but they detracted from the main storyline that developed at the end of last season which was Lena and Kara’s new relationship. Yes, it was still hit on and explored, but by far that was the storyline I was interested in seeing the most, not Ramah Khan or Virtual Reality horror stories. Also, while I like Lex, thanks to his antics during Crisis, the second half of the season felt hijacked and became this witch hunt. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait to see what he and Lillian are doing, but I wish it played out more in the shadows and less of the actual screen time. I’m also glad Lena is back on Kara’s side again. But Brainy better not be dead! He’s one of my favorites even if his motives during this season were hard to watch.

#4 - Batwoman

I actually really, really, really liked Batwoman’s first season. Getting to know the badass that is Kate Kane and watch the horror’s of Gotham play out week to week was such a refreshing change of pace. After all, The Flash and Supergirl are undeniably heroes and must carry those burdens(?) as they fight for truth and justice. And Oliver was a vigilante, but while he took down drug lords, weapons dealers, etc. the stakes of being a vigilante in Star City is nothing compared to wearing the cape in Gotham. I loved the cast and seeing the stories play out of their past and how they connect to each other and also how some of them discover who Batwoman is, was fantastic. Even as creepy as Alice is, I enjoyed seeing the performance of the completely unhinged and psychotic villain take the stage to play out her twisted fantasies. I also appreciate the openness that Kate brought to being an out and proud lesbian, even revealing her super identity to a teenager to prove that it does get better and lesbians can be awesome is super freaking powerful. I even like that with the shortened season, it didn’t feel like we got robbed of an awesome storyline, but now we get to why this ranks fourth on my list instead of higher: Ruby Rose left the show and we get a whole new Batwoman. I get that this is out of the hands of the producers and the writers and I am super sad to see her go. But its hard not to feel like we lost a whole season of introduction and development to just reset and begin again. I’m not sure how they will handle it, but I do hope that a lot of the cast stays and stays in their roles. Especially Luke and Mary who are a great team. Mary is also like my all time, instant-favorite character because not only is she super wicked smart, but she has so much humanity in her so I hope she still continues on the show.

#3 - Stargirl

Yes, yes, this show is still airing which is why I can’t speak to the overall season arc in finality yet, but I absolutely have been loving this first season. Again, what a refreshing new reality to step into and what a great new storyline to pursue. This rag-tag group of teenagers becoming the new Justice Society of America is a fun telling and already, the stakes of the Injustice Society are so high! Like I was expecting that it was going to be like the other shows where slowly by slowly we meet all the bad guys in different seasons, but instead it feels a little flipped since we don’t have all our new heroes on the stage yet. Still I love Courtney and her relationship with Pat as she discovers these secrets of his past and their new home of Blue Valley. I love her recruiting reasoning to bring Yolanda and Rick into this crazy plan and even her acceptance of Beth becoming the new Doctor Midnight. Plus, the show keeps surprising me because on one hand, giving these teenagers these powers to help them redeem their self esteem is a great storyline, which is why I was expecting them to force us to like Cindy since the beginning of that episode was leading up to maybe becoming friends with her, but no. Turns out she is the super bitch and super villain of the show and that’s kinda awesome. Also I like how because their teenagers, their secret identities aren’t really that secret, which makes it’s kinda fun, but also dangerous. We’ll see how the last 3 episodes play out, but I can’t wait.

#2 - Black Lightening

Talk about real gritty, dark, and powerful storytelling. I enjoyed the first season, but these last two have been a real punch in the gut in good ways and the writers have been outdoing themselves to provide heartfelt, real, honest emotions and discussions to the world of superheroes, compared to the other shows. And it’s hard, but the gruesome nature of the show also highlights some of the real struggles going on in the Freeland Community which of course highlights the issues in our own world around the Black Community. The whole spinal chord ripping scene will haunt me forever and not only because they keep replaying it, but because of how insane that was. The cast is also great and I love that at the end of Season 3, it’s not just a family of super heroes, but a group of powerful metas squaring off against the government and the most dangerous threat of all so far: Gravedigger. Gives me goose bumps just thinking about it.

Season 2: Now that the whole family knows the stakes of what they have gotten themselves into with Tobias and revealing the girls have power, I love the way we got introduced to the ASA and the pod kids as a menial threat while still struggling to take down the perceived ‘bigger threat’ that is Tobias. Jennifer also having trouble coming to terms with her powers and how to use them I think was a great way to explore that not everyone wants to be a superhero, especially in antithesis to Nyssa who is a full on badass as Thunder and Blackbird. Watching Khalil’s story in this go from obedient lap dog to a runaway and finally a victim of Tobias’ violence was hard, but I felt was justified throughout and made him that character you want to root for, even when not everything he’s done has been great.

Season 3: What a harsh turn of direction. A full on occupation of Freeland, house arrest, killings on the street, and an underground railroad of metas or suspected metas completely changed the tune of this show. Watching each of the Peirces struggle to find out who the ASA is, what their doing, if their actions are justified and if the Marcovian threat was real was really fascinating to watch. The showdown with the Marcovians too with a whole team behind them was also a nice change of pace, even if their mission didn’t end the way they expected. I think the amplified stakes though of what happened and what’s to come will continue to develop into an incredible show, minus one now big problem I have, but I will detail that out below when we talk about Crisis.

#1 - Legends of Tomorrow

You can fight me, but Legends of Tomorrow is the best goddamn shown on this network for one simple fact: They don’t take themselves seriously. There is no real angst and because of that it makes the adventures so fun and so hilarious that its such a great break from all of the other shows. Plus, because they keep swapping new and old cast members into the show, it always feels new. Kinda that Doctor Who spirit, which I love. That and because there are hardly any rules to a time travelling group of heroes who don’t really want to be heroes, you get ridiculously themed episodes like Bollywood Musical or TV Crossovers. It is what makes the show a total blast.

Season 4: As the team gears up to track down magical creatures throughout history, you get the introduction of permanent team member, John Constantine who I freaking love for his cool, aloof character and yet sarcastic and sassy contrast to the sunshine and bro-squad that is Ray and Nate. I also love that the season not only was about capturing these magical creatures, but fully rehabilitating Norah Dhark into a good guy now accidentally turned fairy godmother. To be honest, I definitely did not see that one coming. I like that fighting the demon lord also helped transition the show from Season 4 to 5 to fight hell spawn creatures. Quite a leap from the original Legends concept, but again that’s what makes this show so fresh.

Season 5: Part of the other fun of Legends is getting to see old characters get reinvented. I loved the storyline with Charlie and her reveal to be Clothos, one of the 3 fate sisters and the reason the ancient loom got destroyed. I also loved Tala Ashe’s portrayal of Zari in a different timeline because the difference between tech-geek, super smart Zari and social influencer extraordinaire Zari were well done. Plus we got another awesome bro-squad member in Behrad who I hope sticks around for a while. The only bummer was saying goodbye to Ray Palmer. Ray has been one of my favorite characters in the Arrow-verse and seeing his exit was sad and partly because I think it could have been handled better. Like don’t get me wrong, seeing him have to get approval from Damian Dhark to marry Nora was entertaining and I’m glad he isn’t dead like Dr. Stein or Leonard Snart, but I just feel like the exit was a bit rushed. The good news is, it opens the door for Ray to return and I hope we get to seem in the future.

Alright...... To end this long spiel, let’s talk about Crisis on Infinite Earths and what that now means for all these shows. Because unfortunately.... it can’t be ignored. And I’m sorry to sound pessimistic, but to be honest, Crisis wasn’t my favorite story and was too hyped for the end result.

The only show who came out better for Crisis, in my opinion, was Arrow. Mainly because the story of Oliver’s last sacrifice to reboot the universe was the only one that made complete sense and doesn’t complicate the show after it happens. Granted it could be because it was used as the show’s exit, but still. I used to love crossover episodes and getting the whole team together, but now because there is soooo much going on in each show and such a large cast, these big multi-night and multi-universe shows just feel scattered because you are constantly hopping around and between each of the characters and all the individual storylines don’t matter. Like remember when Barry and Oliver would actually talk about what they were up against? Miss that. That and Oliver, Barry, and Kara stole the show even when it was other shows turn to shine. Like Kate was hardly in it, even in her own episode and the Legends weren’t in it at all. It was just Sara and Ray which was disappointing because as Crisis was their season opener, you missed a real chance to have the Legends save the day. Don’t get my wrong, there were some great moments during crisis and I liked the nod to past versions of the DC characters, including Brandon Routh getting to play Superman again, but overall it just made chaos for things that don’t make sense post-crisis.

Like yay, all our favorite heroes are in one place and created the justice league to help each other, but once Crisis is over, nope sorry, no one can be bothered to borrow a hero friend. Like that makes sense for some shows, Batwoman for instance isn’t that close to everyone and her storyline is so rooted in her own family drama, that ignoring the other supers made sense. The Flash’s stakes weren’t high enough to involve anyone else, so fine. And Legends of course travel through time and so aren’t around, fine. But Supergirl’s takedown of a longstanding secret group of people capable of bending Earth’s elements to create catastrophic events, isn’t enough to at least reach out to Cisco or Luke for help tracking them? That seems underwhelming. Plus where are the aliens in all the other cities now? Or the metas in National City? That’s a pet peeve, but more so because of the biggest twist in Crisis:

Pulling Black Lightening into the Arrowverse. Like the shows writers and producers, I think Black Lightening works better outside the Arrowverse which was the intent and goal from the get go. Pulling Jefferson Pierce’s family and world into the same Earth as all the other shows, no longer makes the shows storytelling as strong and maybe it was because this was a last minute decision, but there is just no justification post Crisis as to why they had to come in. I mean, The Flash and Black Lightening have metas related issues, you would think that alone would be a prime source of teaming up. Especially when Cisco goes out on a worldwide quest to document metas, you’re telling me skipped over Freeland? And where’s our favorite Kyrptonian to fight for truth, justice, and the American way as Freeland is being occupied by the ASA? Oh, what too busy going after Lex Luthor? Sorry, I’m not buying that Kara Danvers ignores racial injustice. Like I get that maybe it was a way to be able to use Black Lightening later in cross-over events, but the fallout from bringing them in this season with everything going on is a huge mistake in my opinion. And heck, having shows exist outside each other is probably a good thing. Too many and these crossover events don’t feel fun anymore, they just feel chaotic. I think I’m with the Legends on this one: the crossovers aren’t worth it anymore.

#cw dc universe #thoughts #reactions #legends of tomorrow #black lightening #stargirl #batwoman #supergirl #arrow #the flash #crisis on infinite earths

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incarnateirony · 4 years

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Couple of random thoughts on rings and keys, and Death's ring being a key - in Last Call, Sergei talks about wanting the key to Death's library which is in the bunker somewhere, which hasn't been mentioned again (yet), a bit like the Haxan ring - two red herrings or two Chekhov's guns? Last time a magic key was found in the bunker, it opened the door to Oz

I’m pretty sure we’re gonna take a trip back to the library because yes, Chekhov’s gun. And also, while I don’t think the Haxan Ring is itself going to be critically important, they seem to be coding us to receive rings as a “gasp, what a tweest” plot device later. Be it in S14 Cas stealing the decoder ring out of the box or S15 the hyperfixation on the Haxan Ring as otherwise a throwaway object.

I’ve had thoughts on this.

We have:

Jack as the chicken and the snake and the brainsnake and the shadow itself as the unmanifest snake

Sam as the literal tie to oppose god, who I am convinced will throw open all the doors in heaven to lead the revolution of man as Chuck threw open all the doors in hell at the start of the season

Castiel as frame by frame mirroring to Amara walking out on Chuck, who to some extent Dean was also put into the proverbial seat of on an emotional lens rather than a mytharc paradigm lens, but this isn’t even new mirroring of “Cas as Amara”. Everyone was all SHE WAS TIED TO DEAN and uh, yeah, like, and as the most powerful force in fucking creation and noncreation she couldn’t find Dean with her forced bond but could find Dean through Castiel’s heart for Reasons™. Or the “I can see inside your heart. Your anger, confusion/feel the love you feel except it’s cloaked in shame” or any other long list of fucking reasons Cas = Amara we could paint until we’re blue in the face, but S15 took a fucking frame by frame highlighter to that.

While that leaves room for Dean and Cas to on the emotional lens mirror a Chuckmara reunion, Dean himself does not seem to fit into that on an actual functional mytharc paradigm.

You know what I do know? Destiel crack aside of during 15.13 of going from Megstiel “i learned it from the pizza man” to a thousand shots of Dean stuffing his face with pizza, as stupid as this fucking sounds, Death is tied to pizza in this show. Remember the episode he entered in. We’re running through similar episode effects to late S5 (elephant in the room, your story not ours, the institution of chuck’s regime, a thousand other things I could list off from 5.18+ on way to Swan Song, which, should we be surprised they’re balancing the show endings similarly?)

You know what I do know? Even past pizza Dean has always been tied to death. Be that his encounter in Faith, or In My Time of Dying, or all the times Death him/herself favored him.

Of our four atomic monsters, that answers an unresolved question on pathwork, doesn’t it?

Billie doesn’t have plans for Cas according to The Shadow. But once the shadow inevitably comes for Cas, I have an interesting question: what length will the guys, and likely Dean just based off of fucking common sense and pattern (I’m so tired of people saying “SAM DELETION” if we point out Dean first in regards to Cas like we can’t fuckin see that Dean and Cas’ stories are far more tied than Cas and Sam’s stories) – what length is Dean going to go to, to reach Cas in the Empty? Curious question isn’t it.

We can’t just subvert Chuck and Amara and then leave Billie floating around, can we? Because Billie still has her own plans. There’s only so complicit they can be with her while maintaining their own path or story.

Haxan Ring. Decoder ring. All the crowing of “hahahahah replace this ball with a ring” in the fandom. While the sphere itself has hugely impacting meanings while discussing the philosopher’s stone, this shit is haunting me.

Minding Cas paying deep attention to Rowena (and following the goddess path along the other women in the sacred colors), I’m deadass like “So what, Dean kidnaps death’s scythe and ring and bursts into the empty to give Cas the ring where Cas Death Is The Infinite Vessels the universe out of Billie’s body or some shit?” *desperately sorts paperwork with 7 missing episodes*

That’s part of what I’ve been trying to sort out in this clip from the spec project I am religiously dodging finishing out of anxiety

youtube

#supernatural #spn #meta #my meta #pagan life

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hithelleth · 5 years

Text

Ship history meme

Embrace your past and get to know your friends’ fandom origins!

Rules: Post gifs of your fandoms / ships starting with your most current hyperfixation and work backwards. (Bonus points if you share any stories about how or when you got into that ship! But not necessary!!) Then tag anyone whose fandom history you’d like to learn about!

I was tagged by @jadedbirch - thank you! <3

Under the cut, because my history of shipping, or multishipping (because you know me, but I only put in gifs of single ships, b/c tumblr gif inserting function hates me), is a bit long even with only hyperfixations.

1. Victoria Hughes/Lucas Ripley (Station 19)

Ah, yes, I’m back in this hellhole, rereading fanfic, because Grey’s & 19 are back and easy to watch legally without jumping through hoops and I know I’d said I wouldn’t but then I was bored and now I have all these feels again. (I’ll say a few things on it in a separate post when the season’s done in three eps.)

Anyway, this one slammed into me last spring out of the blue, but how could I not ship it when it checks all the right points?

2. Garcia Flynn/Lucy Preston (Timeless)

Another Kripke show, and third time being the charmed, Kripke and co. actually learned from their past mishaps and actually made a good show (except the finale, but what finale? I don’t know it.)

So, there’s this tall, dark, brood, and bad (or maybe not) and lil’ miss goody two shoes (or maybe not) who get each other, what’s not to ship?

3. Bellamy Blake/Roan (The 100)

(No gif, b/c it’s a minuscule ships with maybe 5 gis and tumblr is a bitch, nothing shows up in search and apparently now you can’t save & reupload gifs - which is a good thing, finally, should’ve done it sooner.)

Oh, boys! My boys. I love(d) them so much. The last ship I have written extensively for - even the most extensively after Revolution (I, mean I only published one short oneshot, but the 35K monsterfic that is 3/4 done is still there in my drafts and I still think about it and them, because dammnit.)

Also very good with Clarke thrown in, or just Roan and Clarke (which I also managed to publish a fic for and kudoses that still come on the regular keep my writing heart at least hibernating and warm - here’s to hoping it wakes up from hibernation one day and I can write again.)

4. Shelby Wyatt/the Haases (Quantico)

Yes, all of them. Even Claire, because why not. And I’m sure if they had had the sister on the show, I’d have shipped her with her, too.

(I mean, I’d say I only shipped Shelby separately with each of them and I didn’t think of also poly shipping them, but that would be a lie and hardly the worst thing I’ve ever thought of shipping.

I hardly said anything about it on here because that was the peak of Moral Purity Wars time on here and Shelby was wildly hated across fandom, ugh, so I jsut squealed a lot inwardly.

5. Grant Ward/Leo Fitz & Jemma Simmons/Sunil Bakshi (Agents of Shield)

Ugh, then there was this shitshow I loathe. But for a while there, there were good things. And now we’re really getting into my multishipping tendencies.

I started with Fitzward, surfed Skyeward, and then hurled straight into Bakshi/Simmons, also managed to write a ton of fic for the first and the last, but none for the middle.

(That was also the era when I was into highly questionable stuff, like I may or may not have half a notebook of a Ward/Simmons/Rumlow fic somewhere, oops. But I have no regrets, so we understand each other. And that isn’t the worst thing that’s ever come across my shippery imagination, either.)

6. CM2 or Charlie/Miles/Bass (Revolution)

(gif mine)

The best fandom had the best ships!

Who even got me into this show? It may even have been @lglorien who mentioned the new Kripke show when we were both binging SPN that summer. And then she didn’t even watch all of it and left me to suffer on my own.

Well, not on my own, because I found the best fandom along the way, so yay!

Anyway.

If you think knowing Miles was Charlie’s uncle stopped from shipping them from the moment she stepped in The Grand in the pilot and he was an asshole to her, you don’t know me. Then Miloe flashbacks happened in ep. 3. And I simultaneously started shipping that and noticed Charlie and Bass have things in common (mainly, Miles being an asshole to them, as it turned out later.)

But there were so many other good ships (Jeremy x everyone, yes?) and some random minor ones, including one or two of only my own concoction.

And nobody hated anyone for shipping. The best of times, really.

7. Elijah Mikaelson x everyone (TVD/TO)

Elijah is very shippable with anyone, but Elijah/Elena - there’s a lady who’s not on tumblr anymore (Hazel) that got me into this, and Elijah/Elena/Klaus - the fault of Sandrine_Shaw on AO3′s fics - were on top of my faves (and still are, TBH.)

You know, when itsy bitsy vulnerable human dares (the nerve! negotiate with a big bad original? Elijah was impressed. And so was I. The rest was history.

And for the second, well, when the two Original dumbasses keep falling for the same version of one woman, the solution is rather obvious.

8. Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester & Dean Winchester/Castiel (SPN)

Yes, I was a Wincest shipper, that shouldn't surprise anyone. Because the early seasons had their charm. And then Cas showed up and jumped onto a Destiel bandwagon as well. So, yeah.

9. Buffy Summer/Spike (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

There were a few years when I had to much work and studying to watch things, so now this trip into shipping history brings us to early 2000s/1990s.

I liked Buffy/Angel well enough, but Buffy/Spike was it! I mean, he went to get his soul back for her. That scene when he’s hugging the cross haunts me to this day. Enough said.

10. Harmon Rabb Jr./Sarah MacKenzie (JAG)

Oh, god, Harm and Mac! Ship of all ships. The show tried to throw three different women at him and the third stuck. And we had to go through 8 seasons of slowburn then. A+++++

And, um, yes I shipped Mac with Webb for a while, too, because it’s me.

But yeah. As far as I’m concerned Harm and Mac are happily married and managing their careers and NCIS: LA can bite me with their BS in last season finale. .

11. Xena/Gabrielle (Xena: Warrior Princess)

Back when my very catholic grandma watched Xena and Hercules with me and also shipped Xena/Gabrielle, because ‘sometimes girls like girls, it’s nice’. Good times.

I also crosshiped her with Herc, a bit. and definitely had a thing for Xena/Ares. Yep, my ship type started showing early.

***

I’ll stop here.

Obviously, there have been a lot of other ships, but I tried to stick with the major fixations, otherwise we’d be here all week. (I haven’t even mentioned Marvel, or for that matter, books, so many books.)

Tagging: @lglorien, of course, @eveningspirit, @wellwhataboutme, @bea2me, @stargazerdaisy, @vesperass-anuna, @elemenopew, and anyone else who wants to do it, my mind is drawing blank, forgive me. And, as always, feel free to ignore.

Anyway, this took a lot of work, but it was satisfying. What a trip down the memory lane! So many feels!

#shipping #tag meme #about me #shipping history

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lonelyleliel · 5 years

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Hi, sorry if this ask makes you uncomfortable, feel free to ignore it of course :) just wanted to say I was moved by your latest personal post about your path. I’ve been practicing witchcraft for just over a year now, and I’ve been trying to shake off my catholic upbringing because it’s caused me so much pain. Anyways, do you have any advice for dealing with the guilt of abandoning God, or getting over the deeply ingrained fear of hell? Thank you so much for reading

Hey there @theexorcistlives

Thanks for the feedback, it helps me feel less alone 🖤. I’ll really try to not make this response into a book lol.

Regarding the guilt of abandoning God, what helped me was doing more research on the history of Christianity (and some Christian Gnosticism), Catholicism, Judaism, and that eventually led me to Mesopotamian and Sumerian beliefs. There are many connections between Jehovah/Yahweh and Enlil/El (sometimes Anu). This helped me to see him as another entity who has been deified/worshipped rather than the supreme primordial force that rules the entire universe but is hyperfixated on earth lol and I think it’s natural and even expected that those entities gain and lose followers. Breaking away from them can be difficult depending on their personality. I personally see Yahweh as strict, strategic, and persistent. It’d be easy to call him a control freak to justify what I dislike about his ways, but the truth is he’s a being who likes things done his way. Many of us are like that and many of us don’t want to upset a being that responds to not getting his way so critically. Many of his followers to this day adopt his “my way or the highway” mentality to the severe point of becoming “my way or go to hell” which is where the fear of Hell comes in.

Heaven and Hell fuel the punishment/reward system that a lot of strategists use. Yahweh has made this a very black-and-white way of serving him and the more concrete of a thinker you are, the more that concept has a grip on you. In addition to this, Yahweh wants to be the top dog in your life, the one you’re thinking about daily, the one you set aside your feelings for to honor him; he has to be THE ONE. That can be why after even a year of witchcraft, you still feel that grip, but there are Christian, Catholic, and Jewish witches who incorporate their worship of him in their craft, which I think shows the possibility of compromise. But what about those of us who are absolutely done with that path and are done being haunted by punishment via God or Hell?

Remind yourself throughout your craft as frequently as possible that punishment and reward are not permanent or if you want to go farther, don’t exist. We make choices. Things happen. We respond to those things with more choices. It’s a complete dismantling of Yahweh’s order and it encourages autonomy with adaptability. When I started tarot, I was “spammed” with the Wheel of Fortune card to help me break out of that old mindset and be more open to discovering who I am without guilt or hypothetical fears/punishments. It also taught me there will be some things within my control and many things that won’t be; that applies to everyone. Yahweh isn’t excluded from that (#freewill). The Wheel of Fortune spins no matter what, so if you feel like you’re heading for a personal hell, practice owning it until you transform it into heaven; once you’re in heaven, show gratitude and enjoy it while it lasts. Eventually, those black and white concepts turn gray and you’ll be able to work through and with your guilt to realize having power over your life isn’t anything to feel bad about. That’s when gray becomes color and you realize the joy of being more creative with your life. The responsibility increases, but so does your strength. Why would that be cause for damnation? No, it’s not Yahweh’s way, but you’re not following his way anymore. You’ve always had the right to make that choice regardless of your past.

I’ll end with some witchy tips

Create your own ritual/spell announcing and affirming your break from Yahweh. It doesn’t have to be anything mean lol just say you’re done and put something symbolic on your person or altar to remind you.

If religious indoctrination has led you to the point of paranoia, anxiety, or depression, combine meditation with cognitive behavioral therapy and any other mental health aides appropriate for you

Research other paradigms on their take on death and the afterlife. My personal favorites are Nordic beliefs (Yggdrasil and the other worlds are just neat) and Aztec/Mexico’s Day of the Dead

When you’re ready, look back at Catholicism from a psychological or philosophical standpoint and practice seeing it objectively to help you let go of resentment. Carl Jung has an interesting view on it for sure.

I really hope that helps. Thank you again for reaching out.

Disclaimer: I’m not claiming to know everything about Catholicism and Christianity. This is a response based on my own experience and there is zero intention to offend the followers of the deity mentioned nor to spread misinformation.

#witchcraft #witch #pagan #christianity #catholocism #catholic #theexorcistlives #ask authentikei

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The Jonicles - Entry 7

Note: This is the seventh entry of The Jonicles, hence why the date does not match when this is being posted. This was written back in June of this year before I started this blog, and there will be errors or developments in how this series was being written. Please enjoy (or don't enjoy) the seventh entry of The Jonicles!

(^^ dayum jon looks HAWT) It is currently 11:00 pm on the 7th of June, 2022 on a Tuesday. We are past the day of reckoning, and I find it funny how so far I've never made an entry on a Monday (bad timing, i suppose). It's also day #20 of my Jon Arbuckle hyperfixation! A definite sign of my descent into madness.

Two image entry as the first one ('Jon Snaps') is the primary focus, yet the drawing of Jon being tackled by an officer was too good not to include. What crime did he even commit, anyway? My bets are on vehicular homicide for sure.

Anyway, Garfield Gets Real is a weird movie. A really, really weird, bizarre and odd movie that I had the fortune of watching as a really young kid. The old, outdated CGI, the mismatch in style with characters like Eli and the director contrasting Garfield and Jon, Bonita and her weird sythe head that still haunts me to this very day, it's wack.

But what if I told you, the hypothetical reader of this journal, that within this very movie lies a peculiar detail that at first, is very hard to spot on your first viewing, but if you do notice it, is incredibly vulgar and may even ruin (or enhance) your childhood just a smidge?

That comic I attached is a reference to something the character Samuel L. Jackson says in the movie 'Pulp Fiction', which I haven't watched but have heard is pretty good. It's a fan edit of another Garfield comic with the added punchline of Jon snapping and threatening to fuck his own cat while also dropping the motherfucker bomb. It's pretty funny, but what does this have to do with Garfield Gets Real, you might've asked?

Well, what if I told you that this very comic in it's pure, completely uncensored vulgarity ended up in this movie? And no, it's not anywhere super obvious. You gotta look for it.

In the scene where the Garfield and Odie try to win the hearts of executives to prevent their comic from being cancelled, there's this part where the two GIANT HUNKY PETS roll in and start SHOWIN' THEIR MOVES as Garfield and Odie hide behind a sign with them on it.

But there's something else on that sign too. And it's this comic. The camera is juuuust close enough for a viewer with a very sharp eye to make out, but not too close for this movie to end up with an MA15+ rating.

I'm telling the complete truth. This comic seriously did end up in this movie. Go check for yourself. Look up a clip that scene I mentioned and go to 1:19 and 4:25 and pause. You'll see it clearly near Garfield's horrifying human foot on the board.

Still in disbelief? Jaw dropped? Hyperventilating? In shock? Good! That's how I felt when I found this out too. In fact, I was in so much shock that it didn't wear off for a good 20 or so minutes. I still can't fucking believe that actually slipped through. No one noticed it - they wouldn't have. It would be near-impossible unless they were paying an inhuman amount of attention to every little detail in every scene when reviewing the film for a rating. And don't forget that because of the film's canon in having comics be "filmed" and published for the real world to see, that means Jon saying motherfucker is canon in Garfield Gets Real, which could in theory also make Garfield Minus Garfield canon as well. Bonkers.

But it gets deeper. There are so many unanswered questions. Who did this? Seriously, who the fuck put this in? Was it a random person working on the film? A disgruntled animator? Could it have been Jim Davis himself? Why was it put there? Did he mean for it to be there? Was it put there as a joke? Did Davis specifically state for that one to be put in? Did someone just look up "Garfield comic" on a late night working on the film and pick it without reading it and put it there? But they would've had to have seen it, right? I'm guessing the word motherfucker wouldn't be too hard to miss if you're up close and personal working on the film yourself, correct? If it wasn't Davis, how it'd slip by him? Did he look at the comic and go "Huh, which one is this?"? Does he know? What does he think of the idea of Jon threatening to fuck Garfield? Will we ever get a statement from the man himself? So many questions...

In short, this scene broke me, and added another layer of weirdness and hilarity to this movie that I didn't even think was possible. I just think it's really funny that I lived out my whole childhood having no idea about this little detail, I swear, Garfield is so surreal sometimes...

Last edited at 11:34 pm. Jon Arbuckle could easily Jon Arfuckle you up if he wanted to, mark his word.

Note: That last bit isn't an innuendo, I meant that Jon could beat someone, that someone possibly being you reading this, up, hence the wording. Though now that I mention it, the readers probably didn't think that was a dirty joke and now see it that way and wont be able to unsee it... Welp... (Also, the entry says "two image entry", but I only included the most important one in this post, which made the "dayum jon looks HAWT" comment make no sense. However, I may exclude extra images for later entries that are being posted from now on as there's no need to repeat posting the same image for certain entries. You're gonna love the image I use for the next one, trust me. He looks "hawt".)

So yeah, this is the scene I mentioned in the last entry that broke me. This entry's pretty short, don't have much else to say here other than the fact that 'Jon Snaps' will never not be funny to me after this discovery I made back in June.

UPDATE: EMERGENCY DISCOVERY REGARDING THIS MOVIE! In this video of the first scene in the movie at 3:11, a comment pointed out that there is a shot where when the books are being tilted off the shelf like dominos, there is a very quick sighting of a Death Note to the right of the shelf. This is very awesome and cool for the producers to slip in and it adds yet another layer to this movie I never knew about before. It's not 'Jon Snaps' levels of bizarre, but it's still a weird, unfitting yet very cool easter egg.

Cheers,

Your Local Jonnoisseur

Posted on the 21st of July, 2022 at 8:30 pm.

#jonicles 7 #this discovery was seriously so cursed #garfield gets real.... maybe a little too real....#deth note momenmt #god this movie is so layered i'm gonna stare at every detail now for hours and point out every one of them #i've lost it i think

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