#and that was the last straw i dont want to leave the room

[heliianth]

ok i was joking about it before but i feel like im actually losing my mind tiny baby cant put away his fucking cereal bowl because he doesnt want to walk past the windows get over urself !!!!!!!!!!!!

[grantihare]

mother in law stole my fave pj pants cant have shit in this house

[halarealmadridd]

your touch

pairing. jude bellingham x reader genre. angst to fluff warnings. fighting, cursing request. Hii i love ur work, can you write something about jude and you getting into a really really big argument, it's about him letting other fans/or girls kiss his cheek or something for a photo and him doing nothing about it, And so you two dont talk for 2-3 days, and you guys live in the same house, he didnt even try to apologise and he thinks hes right, But after a week or smth he noticed he missed your touch and other things so he apologized by writing a big big letter for when you wake up, since he has practice early in the morning and you still sleep author’s note. this request is so good! thank you sm lovely i hope you enjoy 🩵

you had no problem with jude giving out hugs, handshakes or something along the lines of those, but kissing is where you drew the line. you couldn’t stand someone else kissing your man, and him doing nothing about it. unfortunately, that was the reality you had to face today.

chilling in your bed, you scrolled through tiktok, until you found a video with a fan kissing jude’s cheek for a picture. the worst thing happened when you checked the comments. they were full of people saying that they shared the same experience, jude kissing their cheek. you were already fuming, but the attitude of those girls was your last straw.

storming out of the room, you were met with a confused boyfriend stating at you with adorable puppy eyes. they almost make you give in, but you refused.

“jude, what the fuck is this” you angrily exclaimed, while shoving the phone in his face to make sure he sees the video.

“that’s just what they asked for, no feelings involved” jude explained, gobbling down a tube of cookie dough ice cream.

“no feelings involved? do you think i give a fuck about that? you let astral stranger kiss you?” you roared, making him furrow his eyebrows.

“baby calm down, this is nothing serious”

“nothing serious? we have talked about this earlier, i said i don’t want anyone kissing you in any form” you shouted, tears brimming your eyes.

the audacity jude had to just laugh at you and continue eating the ice cream made you furious.

you rushed to the bedroom, covering yourself in blankets, curling into a ball, sobbing your heart out. you thought that when jude heard you cry, he would come looking for you, but no, he stayed there, sitting on the couch, eating the last piece of his ice cream.

you ended up crying yourself to sleep. the next morning you woke up to an empty cold bed. you figured jude was sleeping on the couch.

the next few days went over with neither of you speaking to each other, because apparently in jude’s mind, he was in the right. jude could be a silly person sometimes, but this was just a whole different level of silliness that he had never shown yet.

finally jude came back to his senses and decided to write a full A4 page letter, apologising for his actions. he also placed a bouquet of flowers and candies beside it, in hopes to cheer you up. eventually he left for training, leaving you in the house alone.

when you woke up, you made a bee-line towards the kitchen to make breakfast, but instead of thinking about breakfast, big letter caught your eye.

tears rolled down your face while reading the letter due to the sincerity of it. you wiped your tears and waited for jude to come home.

after a good wait, you heard the familiar sound of the door unlocking. you raced to the door, and jumped into jude’s arms. his face had a tint of confusion painted on it, but it later turned into a big grin.

“whoa, i missed you too” jude whispered into your hair, letting you down.

you placed a kiss onto jude’s lips, and guided him to the kitchen, where you had prepared some pancakes for him.

after gobbling down the pancakes, you and jude popped down onto the couch and started watching your favourite show. however, the show was long forgotten, as you guys ended up just cuddling each other to sleep.

[skzswife]

"Not just sunshine"

(Lee Felix x Fem!Reader) SMUT MDNI. Unprotected sex(Don't be dum when ya get some) Creampie Dom sub dynamics Daddy kink spanking A sprinkle of breathe play (Choking) Degradation Praise Use of pet names (Princess Slut Whore)

Felix was getting tired about being constantly teased for being the most innocent sunshine of the group. Sure he was very happy and cheerful but it was getting out of hand,It started as simple "Oh hes so adorable and sweet he could never hurt a fly" harmless right? Yeah until it got to "Hes so innocent I dont think he'll ever be a top in the bedroom" that's when he started getting upset. But he wasnt worried he girlfriend would stop it right? Nope. You started teasing him too. Just because he lets you ride him doesn't mean he cant make you scream his name. And he's at his last straw. You decided to call him your little sunny bottom and that was it. He broke. He suddenly grabs your hand and leads you to his room as all of you guys were at his dorm for the sleepover. As your being dragged by your boyfriend down the hall you can hear all the ooohs and ahhhs you even hear Jisung say "Aww Lixie is needy" But when you turn your head to look at your wonderful smiley boyfriend you see a completely different person. And he looks PISSED, you must admit seeing your Lixie like this sends a pool of wetness to your panties and you bite your lip. He opens the door before pulling you in and slamming it only to push you against it right after. "L-Lix what's wrong" he doesn't respond "Baby talk to-" You're cut off by his lips on yours causing you to whimper at the shock. As he pulls away leaving you wanting more, you are about to complain when you hear a rip...Felix just ripped your shirt off "Lee Felix! that was designer!" You spout angrily only for your usually loving boyfriend picks you up like you weigh nothing and throws you on the bed "Pants. Off. Now" you look at him confused as you rub your thighs together to satisfy the need for friction because the tone he said that in had you needing more though you obey him and take them off. Immediately Felix cages you into the bed kissing hungrily down your body. His kisses reach your core "Fuck baby your so beautiful" he groans before he starts lapping at your cunt "F-Felix Fuck" having been with him for a year you knew he knew your body but you didn't know he knew it well enough to make you cum in less than 10 minutes. The orgasm hits you like a tsunami your jaw goes slack as Felix holds you down and carries you through it lapping at every last drop of your arousal. Not even letting you a minute to relax he seems to pounce on you lining himself up at your entrance and slamming into you. "Fuck Lix!" You internally curse yourself for screaming so loud "Go on princess, Let them hear how good I make you feel yeah?"

He speeds up to a pace that you didnt think was humanly possible. "You like that?" Felix asks sickeningly sweet Spanking your ass when you dont answer "Come on be a good little slut and answer me" you whimper at the name. Its the first time he's called you that and god you loved it "Yes daddy I love it" you manage to mutter out. Felix chuckles slamming into you harder causing you to scream his name "Lix I'm gonna cum" Felix puts his hand around your throat and pulls you flush against his chest "Do you deserve to cum though? You were calling me a bottom knowing damn well your such a whore for me" he scowls "I'm sorry I wont do it ever again" you plead with your eyes only knowing he's given in when he slides his hand in between you to toy with your clit "FUCK!" You scream "Baby fuck stop clenching like that your gonna make me cum" your breathing becomes more erratic as you get closer to your release "Lix! Lix I'm cumming!" You scream as your second orgasm washes over you while Felix fucks you through it "F-Fuck your so good" Felix's hips stutter a bit before they still and he spills his warm seed deep in your cunt. You stay in that position for a while before he pulls out "Keep it in you did so good princess don't ruin it now" you nod before getting dressed and leaving the room you look around and see everyone's petrified expressions "Bro..." Jisung says quietly "YOU HAVE RUINED MY CHILDREN" Chan screams holding a very traumatized Jeongin "You guys would be shit in a porno" Seungmin says matter of factly "And you wouldn't Minnie?" You quip as Felix comes out "No i wouldn't" Felix sighs as you and Seungmin start arguing.

My loyal tag list❤:

@feybin @bubblelixie

[pvssychicken]

The Things I said

Pairings: Nate doe x SLS

Summary: Im not gonna lie, i have no idea what to write for the summary, it was just an rp i did in c.ai

Warnings: swearing, making out, pet names, getting caught (kinda?)

a/n: This is just a scenario i did with charachter ai, so some parts may not make sense. Some parts were copied and pasted, but some parts were changes a bit so they make sense.

Dividers by @issysh3ll

"Y/N! I'm Inviting Nate over!" you hear matt yell.

You roll your eyes "Why do you have to invite him over here? Why cant you just go over to his place?"

He looks at you, knowing you're gonna give him a hard time.

“because I think Nate’s lonely, he just went through a breakup. The guy needs a buddy.”

"Damn, im not shocked, who would wanna date his ugly ass" You say, knowing damn well youve had a crush on him since you met him.

Matt laughs “oh please, girls literally salivate over him, he’s just a heartbreaker.”

"Ha! I bet you he had to pay girls money to date him."

"Oh please, I've seen firsthand how girls act around him. You're just jealous a guy like him doesnt look in your direction."

Your jaw drops, shocked at what Matt just said. "Erm actually, i have a boyfriend thank you very much."

Matt crosses his arms, raising his eyebrows "Oh? Is that so?"

You nod and the doobell rings "Oh look! There he is now!"

Matt laughs, going to the door. Nate is standing at the door. He smiles when he sees Matt, giving him a quick hug. Matt raises his eyebrows and turns back to you "Last time i checked, nate wasnt your boyfriend, so you can stop lying"

Nate overhears them speaking and walks over to them “what’s y/n lying about now?”

Matt chuckles “she was bragging about having a boyfriend like ten seconds ago”

"UGH FINE I DONT HAVE A BOYFRIEND" you pout, crossing your arms.

Matt laughs, having fun tormenting you “well, that didn’t take very long to confess.

Nate smiles, amused. Your lack of a boyfriend was a well-known fact that everyone teased you about.

Everyone knew that yiou had never had a boyfriend, even though youve liked several guys, and been in several talking stages, some instnces even led to the guy leading you on, but eventually breaking your heart. What people didnt know though, is that this made you very self concious, your self esteem was very low and you felt like you were unloveable.

Nate always knew that you struggled with low self esteem, he also knew about the guys that led you on and he hated that for you. You may be feisty and mean but you didn’t deserve how some of those guys had treated you. And he would be lying if he said he never caught himself finding you attractive.

You quickly went back to your sassy attitude when you caught Nate staring. "What the fuck are you looking at?"

Nate snaps out of the small trance he was in and quickly looks away, trying to hide his blush. “I’m not staring at anything.”.

Matt stands there observing the interaction between you two. He knew you both for long enough to see that there was a tension between you. A tension different than usual. It was like you kept glancing at each other when you thought the other wasn’t looking, you both seemed to get along yet have the urge to bicker. There was something there but neither of you realized it because youre too stubborn.

“oh come on, you totally were”

Nate looks back at you, not wanting to admit that you caught him staring, so he does the next best thing and tries to deny it “No I wasn’t, I think you’re just desperate to be looked at by someone."

This was the last straw for you, you felt tears well up in your eyes, but instead of letting them fall, you chose to let anger take over "SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE" You run up to your room and slam the door

Nate’s eyes widen at Payton’s reaction. He knew he had hit a soft spot and immediately regretted what he had said. He looks back behind him at Matt who stares in shock at your abrupt exit.

“Well now look at what you did dumbass”

“I didn’t mean to..”

Matt rolls his eyes at Nate

“Oh shut up yes you did. You enjoy getting on her nerves. You just got a way more emotional reaction than usual”

Nate sighs, feeling bad for what he said. He rubs the back of his neck, frustrated with himself.

"Yeah well, I didn’t mean anything by it.. she shouldn’t be so sensitive about it"

Matt, glares at him "Well? Areent you gonna go tallk to her?"

Nate sighs, he knows he should go talk to you. He runs a hand through his hair. "I don’t know.. isn’t she gonna just yell at me if I go up there?

Matt rolls his eyes again, knowing damn well that Nate was just looking for excuses to not talk to you "You never know unless you try. Just go up there and talk to her"

Nate groans, but reluctantly decides to go talk to you. "Alright, I’m going. But I’m blaming you if it goes terribly”

Nate starts walking up the stairs, and pauses a moment to build the courage to knock on your door. Then finally he musters up the courage to knock, hesitantly calling your name.

“Hey, y/n?”

"Go away. Dont waste your time on me, Im irrelevant" you sob. This makes nate immideately open the door

Nate opens the door and sees you sitting on the bed, tears falling down your face. He immediately regrets what he had said. Sure, you guys bickered, but he never wanted to see you cry. Seeing you like that broke his heart. Nate quickly walks up to your bed and sits down next to you.

“Hey, don’t say that..”

You refuse to look at him, feeling embarrassed that he was seeing you cry.

"Im serious.. You dont need to waste your time on me, I’m just a hopeless loser-"

"Baby, dont say stuff like that, you are the complete opposite" Nate says

You wipes your tears and looks up at him.Youre taken by surprise by how tender and caring he sounds. It’s so different from your usual fights.

“But I am.. no guy has ever looked at me twice, and every guy I’ve been interested in has either lead me on or dumped me. Its obvious that there’s something wrong with me, that no guy can find me good enough..”

Nathan cups your face with his hand and wipes your tears away

Your face turns red. Youre embarrassed that he’s seeing you so vulnerable like this

“Hey, you don’t have to pretend to care, I know you were only trying to insult me earlier.”

Instead of responding, nate pulled your face closer and kissed you.

Your eyes widen with shock, but you quickly melt into the kiss, closing your eyes and placing a hand on his chest for support. You start to kiss him more passionately, enjoying the feeling of your lips against his.

Nate pushes you down onto the bed as he kisses you. Your bodies getting closer. Nates hands rub up and down your side, as he gently starts to kiss your neck, finding your sweet spot almost immedately.

Matt walks into your room, wondering whats taking so long, but he is disgusted by what he finds. "WHAT THE HELL MAN. I TOLD YOU TO APOLOGIZE TO HER, NOT FUCK HER!!"\

Nate quickly sits up, embarrassed that Matt walked in on you. You, who’s hair was messy and face flushed, were blushing intensely

”M-MATT ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE”

Matt glares at you both, arms crossed

”Then what in the hell are you two doing then?”

You and Nate look at each other, not knowing how to explain to Matt what he walked in on. Nate rubs the back of his neck, feeling awkward, and your face was red as ever.

“We- um-“ He sighs, knowing that he had no excuse for what he did, and he didn’t want to lie “We were just making out..”

Matt looks at you, not buying your excuse for a second “Just making out, sure. Y/n I thought you said you didn’t like him, and Nate, I thought you said she was a pain in the ass?”

"OMG MATT JUST GET THE FUCK OUT!" You shout

Nate nods quickly, also wanting him gone

“Yeah, just get out dude..”

Matt rolls his eyes at you both

“You both are so lucky that you’re cute”

He closes the door, leaving You and Nathan alone in your room again.

a/n: I gave you guys some fluff before i break yall again. This story is going to just be background info for the next one. Im not exaclty going to call this part one, because its bascially a prequel.

Taglist: @flouvela @immattsslut

DM ME TO BE ADDED TO THE TAGLIST

[antiwhores]

Leaving - Bakugou x reader

———

Part 2

Bakugou lashes out at you and its your last straw. So you leave.

Heavy angst, no comfort cause we die like real niggas, domestic abuse (verbal/emotional), depression, fighting, disappointment,

Wrote this because I’m barely surviving rn 💀 i cannot relapse until Christmas and im fucking DYING !!! Anyway if yall want a part 2 lmk 😈

You’re depressed, so depressed that you can barely get out of bed to pee. Maybe you’re depressed because of the relationship, you cant tell. Maybe its the fact that you starve yourself every time he yells at you as a habit. Or maybe its the fact he doesn’t spend his days off with you anymore. He just goes out drinking with his friends or does whatever the fuck he does. Or maybe its the fact he doesn’t fucking care.

He only says mean things to you now.

“What the fuck? Why’re you so sad? You do nothing all day. You just sit in this house that I pay for. You’re not constantly almost dying, working hard.” He says this to you after he finds you crying in the guest room. You stay silent, its a battle that you dont have the energy to fight anymore.

The next day you go searching for a job. You confine in a friend and she gives you a job at her bookstore. She says that theres too locations you can work at. Apparently, she’ll be moving out of state to the next one soon and she invited you. She knew how horrible you felt. She was giving you an escape.

The next day you make dinner for Katsuki. You both sit down at the nearly abandoned dining table. It was refreshing for a few minutes, even though he didn’t involve himself in any of your conversation. You were just happy he wasn’t yelling at you.

You decide to drop the bomb after 5 minutes of eating. You could hardly contain your excitement when you asked him “Guess what?” He showed hardly any interest in you but some was better than none.

He looked up at you, signaling for you to speak. You beamed at him as you announced your new job. You immediately started to ramble about how cool it’ll be to get out and how excited you were.

You looked up at him and immediately stopped talking. He looked angry, his lip curled upwards and his brows furrowed.

You looked at him with confusion evident on your face. “What’s wrong?” You honestly didn’t expect this reaction. You were just stuck. Why was he angry when you’re finally doing something good?

“Do you think I’m just not capable of providing? I offer you money all the fucking time but you want a job? I give you enough and you dont use it unless its for food. What’s wrong with my money?”

His grip on the chopsticks folded them. You couldn’t even cry yet, you were just shocked. “I thought you’d like it? You always complain about me ‘freeloading’ off of you and how you pay all the bills. I could start paying too!”

You flinched as he slammed his fists against the table. “I don’t need your stupid fucking 9-5 money! Im the number 6 hero! You’re probably not even doing this for the rent. What do you want?”

No, no, no. This was not how this was supposed to go. He was supposed to be happy. And then you could be happy too. He would have asked you about your job and smiled and praised you. What is happening?

He jerked himself out of his seat and stomped over to you. You scooted yourself back away from him in the chair he grabbed it and held you still.

He pulled out his wallet and rummaged through it. “What? Do you want some of those stupid books? Some decorations for this house? A necklace?” You stared at him with wide eyes at he pulled out a wad of cash and shoved it into your chest.

“There, ya happy now? Still want that job?” He crossed his arms, waiting for you to respond.

He treated you as if you were a slut, a gold digger. You were with him before he was rich. How could he even think that? You were done.

You looked down at the floor as tears flooded your eyelids. “Do you think I’m only here for your money?” It was a question you knew you had to ask. You would be left curious and broken for the rest of your life if you didn’t know now.

“You know, I’m starting to think so.”

That was your last straw. You couldn’t do this anymore.

The giggles came out before the sobs. Tears streamed down your cheeks yet you still laughed. “The hell are you laughing for?!” Its like he was upset that you weren’t already screaming at him.

You looked up at him, meeting his eyes for the first time in what felt like years.

“Do you know how hard you are to love?”

He paused, opening and closing his mouth.

You slid off your ring and set it on the table. Then you gathered the money through blurry eyes. The sobs started to fill in when you shoved the money into his chest just as he had done to you. You watch his fall to the floor.

“I try and try my best. I get a job, I make you dinner, I give you everything I have.” You reach up to take off the necklace that had his initials carved into. “I defend you, I make enemies for you, I sacrificed friendships and family relationships just to please you. But its never enough.” You set the necklace down and go to the bracelet he gave you. “I never asked for any of this expensive shit. The only thing I asked for was your love.” You set the bracelet down with your resolve.

He’s staring at you now with a look of surprise. You meet his eyes again with a look he hasn’t seen directed at him ever. “I’m done, Bakugou. Im done.”

You dont even notice when you start to gather your charger and car keys. You dont hear anything he has to say. You don’t hear the pleas for you to just listen and calm down. You dont hear the insults he says when he calls you overdramatic. And you definitely don’t hear the apology, cause it never came.

You walked towards the door, “I’m gonna pick up the rest my stuff tomorrow.” He grabs your wrist just before you touch the doorknob. “Please y/n, just sit down for one fucking second. We can talk about this!” You yank yourself out of him hands, “Touch me again and I’ll scream.”

You knew he couldn’t afford anything else on his record, especially domestic abuse. He had to just watch as you walked away. And you fucking loved it.

[linskywords]

Please pardon the following rant. It's late and I need to go to bed but this idea popped into my brain. If I may soapbox for a moment:

How do you think the Claude Giroux rivalry would fit in with Sid's story? To me, I interpret their beef here as Claude being super uber traditional. And that just pisses Sid off (in his mind he doesnt know why yet. It just does). Claude leans into it on the ice but then he really digs his claws in when he realizes chirping about wanting to take Sid down. Calling him a dirty kneed sub. He would give Sid such good bruises to go home and show his daddy (aka Mario) and oh man it would just make Sid lose it.

Like not only is this his rookie year. There's also the added pressure of "you have to save the team AND earn them a new stadium AND save the league AND be the poster child AND your family and friends back home are counting on you AND-" so of course Sid is feeling overwhelmed.

And Claude is just the straw that breaks the camel's back. I dont think Claude really knows why Sid is reacting the way that he is. He just probably thinks its entertaining that he found a tender spot to poke and prod at.

Geno finds Sid shaking and folded into the corner of a random closet (I'd like to think this eventually becomes Sid's unofficial breakdown closet (ofc he has an official closet. Do you know the intricacies that make up Sidney Crosby?) known only to Geno and Kris) and Sid softly tells Geno to go back to the locker room. Someone needs to look after the team. But Geno cant help but think "fuck the team who will take care of SID?"

And I know endgame here is SidNate and I will ride that train until I die but Geno would be so helpless and heartbroken about Sid. He would rather find Claude himself and punch his face in. But doing that would mean he would have to leave Sid who is just about to hyperventilate.

Anon, this is so good. Claude just thinks he's found a weapon to use and isn't thinking about it too hard. Then years later after Sid's started subbing for real, he walks in on something and finds out the secret. Sid is horrified -- this is the last person he wanted to have that knowledge -- but Claude is immediately full of regrets. He never thought about whether there might be real trauma and repression behind Sid's reactions to his chirping, and now that he knows, he feels awful for ever having said all that. He's still tough on Sid on the ice but he never says anything like that again, to anyone.

And Geno! Yes, okay, this might need to be a proper polyamory situation. Sid's been on his guard against Geno in a way he never has been against Nate, and it's been so hard for Geno to see Sid suffer like this over the years and not be able to help. He's so relieved when Nate comes to him with a proposal. As long as he gets to be a real partner to Sid. It can't just be a transactional thing. He cares about Sid too much for that.

[tmwcs]

Heethan reaction to y/n using his last name 😋

omg he would love it! he'd be soooooo tickled. i can imagine it going down this way.

-

-

you and the group decided to all link up together to try out a very popular restaruant. To avoid confusion and any mishaps, Mel makes the reservations for everyone attending. You get with Mel one on one and tell her something.....to which she smiles with a pleasing grin and says...

"that's cute....yeah...dont worry, i got you boo."

On the day of the meet up, you and Heeseung join hands, as always, and go towards the front desk where the hostess is aiding and seating a line of customers.

Standing at the end of the line, Heeseung in his usual fashion, stands behind you and wraps his arms around you. Normally he opts to hold you around your waist, though sometimes he'll switch it up a bit and loop them over your shoulders and cradle your backside against his chest while he rests his head on top of yours. he loves this position because when you reach up and grab hold of his forearms and tuck your chin into them as they link in a cross cross manner in front of your chest, he loves the feeling of you doing so.

Finally, when its your guys turn to get seated, the hostess asks for the name, you respond with "Y/N Lee."

Suddenly you feel his arms snap you to his body....it was harsh but you could tell it was just out of an instinctive reaction as he was so shocked.

"okay, right this way please." the hostess says as she guides you to your seating.

Once you both get to the area, everyone is already there seated and asking you what you guys want for drinks. Heeseung cuts in and says...

"Just get y/n (your favorite drink here) and get me a beer and water. We'll be right back ..."

He'll take you by the arm....kind of roughly, but again, hes not mad...you can tell.

He quickly, literally is dragging you outside the restaruant and as soon as he gets you out, he continues to drag you all the way to his car, where he pins you up against the door and presses his body up against yours....really tightly...to the point where you nearly find it a bit harder to breath because his chest is plastered onto yours, pushing your back up against the car tightly. he'll cup your cheeks and say.....

"look at me....."

once you look into his eyes, the shadow of his cap is lifted as he tilts his hat back just slightly, all so you can see his eyes.

"What is your name?...." he'll ask calmly while looking at you in a somewhat stern but calm....very sexy look in his eye. a very poised and composed expression, he ain't even biting his lip or gritting his teeth...none of that.

"......y/n....." you gently respond.

"No...your....name....let me hear you say it...."

".......Y/n.....Lee......"

his eyes will grow wide and he'll literally just stare at....literally....nothing but a....

😲

and then he'll pull you in for a tight...a really tight...almost painful hug.

"......never leave me....y/n....."

"I wont...i'd never......"

"Good......because i'll find you.....you're mine....you'll always be mine......you're my girl....my wife.....MINE."

noting that he is having a moment due to the overwhelming happiness he's feeling, you return the embrace and kiss his cheek.

"I'll never leave i promise."

"I know......."

and with that, he'll kiss you sooooooooo damn deep and passionately, your throat is going to be sore. you guys carry out with dinner, but all throughout the night he was extra clingy and had his hand on your thigh the entire time. He orders a milkshake (your favorite flavor) and gets two straws and shares it with you while always staring into your eyes.

When you guys finally get home....he lets you go in first, as soon as you reached the center of the room, you turn back as you hear the door shut and he, while maintaining firm eye contact with you, tosses his keys to the side and just literally rams through you, pushing you to walk backwards and gets you to fall on the bed with him on top.

kissing you deeply, taking your breath away, you finally gasp for air when he decides to break it. Looking at you while he delicately cups your cheek, stroking his thumb along your lips, he'll say...

".....who is going to save you from me......now that you're my wife?...everyone knows, how WE Lee's,......do things.....we Lee-boys like it rough.....and we like to breed our women."

..........

..........

> : )

oh what a night....

-the end : D

[dontfall-inlove-withthe-moment]

Don’t fall in love with the moment / M.H

Matty Healy x female character

Word count: 1677

Warning: angst?, poor parental relationships, deceased parent. Occasional smut :)

Chapter one:

I'm trying to hold back the tears that threaten to come out of my eyes as I remember what happened a few nights ago. I dropped out of college a some weeks ago and the moment my mom found out she freaked out on me. It's not like I don't understand her, I get why she's mad to a certain extent, I mean what mother wouldn't? But she knows I've been unhappy for way too long now, she should understand this is what's best for me.

I didn't know how to tell her, I knew she'd get mad, but as alway, she got ahead of me. The school sent me a letter to discuss the refund of my tuition and she read it. She told me she saw unintentionally, I know she was snooping around, she always does.

“Would you mind explain this to me Claire” I freeze, this sentence never leads to anything good “explain you what” i say, trying to sound calm, but it comes out more frightened than what i expected “Oh don't even try to sound clueless you lazy brat, you dropped out of school that i pay for and you weren't even bother to tell me” That shouldn't have taken me back as it did, she was gonna know eventually, i just didn't expect her to so soon “Mom how do you even know that, were you going through my things again?” I spit at her, trying to deflect the subject as fast as I could “Oh don't turn this on me. people that lie and hide things don't get any privacy, you know that damn well” and here she goes again, with her speeches of how irresponsible and ungrateful i am. Believe me, I know I'm very privileged and everything, but that doesnt mean I'm obliged to love everything about my life. Sadness and discontent and not something you have to earn, but stuff that's just part of the human experience, it's not any different than happiness or any other emotion and I don't get why it's treated differently.

“Mom i already told you, I'm unhappy, i don't like what my life has become, why can't you get that” My mom looks at me with disappointment and just tries to think of what to say. I know she doest like me, she has never told me but I can tell, anyone can, even my father knew, that's why he always made sure to show me as much love as he could. I always got along with my dad, he understood me, he was the only person that believed that I could do anything I wanted. So when he passed away, for the first time, I felt completely alone. The only person that understood me was gone, and there was nothing I could do about it.

The argument escalated quickly and after a few minutes, we were already screaming at eachother. She told me I'm delusional and I'm living in a parallel world, I told her she's old and doesn't understand that i dont wanna become her. For what seemed to be hours, we screamed at each other, but it wasn't until she brought up my dad that my anger started to turn into sadness “You know, your father would be so disappointed if he ever got to see what you've become” That was my last straw, i couldnt take it anymore, i had to leave this house, this town, this fucking county, there was nothing awaiting for me here anymore. So i didn't say anything, i just turned around and headed to my room to pack my bags “Don't ignore me Claire, i am your mother and you will listen to me” she tried to say to me, but i had already made my mind, i was leaving, and she couldn't stop me. While I packed my bags I started to think about destinations, what was the perfect place to start again?, i instantly new, England, well, london to be exact, i new somebody there that could take me in, but mostly i loved London, because my dad loved it as well, he always told me the crazy stories about him living with his friends in a tiny flat there, and i just knew that my life would be better there.

I bought a one way ticket to England and had no intentions of ever coming back to this place, so i just slept, well that until my 5.00am alarm woke me up, my mom didn't even tried to get in my room in the entire night so i slept like a baby for a good 7 hours, but now it was time to leave. My flight taked off at 7:30 so i had to be quick, i tried to do as little sound as i could, but as i was about to grab the doorknob her voice flooded my eardrums “you understand that if you step out of this house you're never coming back right” she said with a defeated tone “I really have to do this mom, i promise i'll be okay” i could swear i could see a glimpse of sadness in her eyes, but it was quickly brushed off with a look that screamed indifference “Don't come crying back after your little childish plans don't turn as you wanted them to” she spat harshly at me, and i just started at her for a while, trying to make peace with how things were turning out “Goodbye Mom” I managed to say, hoping I would not to break down in front of her, And i just left.

My friend received me at her flat the same day. I texted her last night about my emergency and she told me she'd love to take me, but I didn't want to abuse her kindness, so after I took a nap she started ro help me find a job. i applied to a million different places, but i ended up taking a job as a bartender in a pub next to my friends house, everythings seems to be working out, but I felt like i was missing something exciting, something that would turn my life inside out, and finally give that feeling of adrenaline I’ve longed for.

And that takes us to tonight. My shift ended an hour ago but I am still in the pub, just that now I was on the other side of the bar, drinking my sorrows away. I was lonely, I hated to admit it, but I used to have this feeling in my gut that all of my problems were going to disappear after I left home, but there I was, realizing that that’s not the case.

It started with an innocent drink, that lead to another, and another, and another and here I am, trying to hold back the tears that threaten to come out of my eyes as I remember what happened a few nights ago. Just when I was about to go home, a tall man approached me, he told me he wanted to buy me a drink, i politely declined, but he kept bugging me, he just wouldn't let it go “Oh come on love, it's just a drink, you don't have to act like its a full blown date” he would say. it was when i finally looked at him that i realized how attractive he was, with long black hair and beautiful brown eyes that were staring into my soul waiting for an answer, before i think about what i'm doing, im blurting out an “Ehm i, yes, i mean, yeah sure” Im pathetic.

“So, are you gonna tell me your name?” he says, with a cocky grin plastered across his face. “Claire”, i say “what about you” He looks at me with a confused expression but brushes it off quickly “Matty, i like your name” He says in the thickest british accent ever and i have to admit, he had me already.

We took off quick, we talked about a million things and time flew by. before we knew it, it was 2:30am and when he noticed he offered me another plan “Hey so its kinda getting late, what you say we continue this thing at my place” i paused for a second, was i really that desperate to have sex with the first guy that approached me and bought me drink? Technically, i was, i mean i was lonely and wanted to spice up my life, i wasn't gonna achieve it by rotting in my room and drowning in self pity. Suddenly the idea of going back to his place didn't seem as crazy as it did initially. So you know what, fuck it

When i came back to reality, i realized i still hadn't answered him “I mean, yeah, why not” i tried to say in the coolest way i could. He smiled at me and licked his lips, i was subconsciously drawn to his mouth, i coudnt help myself from staring at it, I was so heavily attracted to him it was embarrassing. “I guess we better get moving love”.

We got to his place about 15 min later. Surprisingly enough it was all clean and neat. I found myself looking around at his stuff, there was a whole lot of music equipment that didn’t just seem recreational. it occurred to me that I hadn’t asked him any proper questions about him. We just kinda talked about me. “So matty… what do you for a living?” I asked him. He looked at me and let out a little giggle “I’m uh, a musician” Amazing,, I was about to hookup with a 20 something year old looser “interesting” I say, a little more sassy than I intended. He just smiled at me and took a few steps closer until there was just a few inches separating us. We were facing each other. I could feel his eyes scanning my body and without further notice, he grabbed my face and kissed my lips hungrily, pinning my body to the wall

Hey everybodyy, so this is obviously my first time writing a whole chapter of something instead of just blurbs but I really hope y’all will like it and if you have ANY comments please let me know because I genuinely care a lot about what you guys think :))

Another thing. I know it’s very cliché that this is called the same as the blog but it fits the fanfic 😁 (laughs frantically)

[k4shixe]

Heya, how's about prompt 8 with Tsukiyama Shuu from Tokyo Ghoul? Perhaps somewhere after he has his little epiphany and is malnourished. The reader can be gender neutral.

Love your works btw!...and congrats on another follower 💖

Your Fault

CW; Mentions body type (extremely thin, malnourished), character not eating, crying over dead, death, platonic

Pairings; sibling!gn!reader x brother!tsukiyama

Summary: After the death of his best friend, Shuu Tsukiyama decides to put all the work on you, his younger sister.

Word count; 400+

A/n; THANK YOU SO SO MUCH <333 This is probably really bad since I’ve never watched the anime and i didn’t understand how it all worked so please forgive me if it doesn’t make sense to you too.

Likes, Reblogs and follows are appreciated and enjoy!

Having Tsukiyama as a older brother was definitely a task to do. He was extremely thin and malnourished especially after the death of his friend, Kaneki. He was meant to be your roll model and here he is, staying in his room. Sulking over some guy. You couldn’t lie you’ve never met this Kaneki guy but he seemed very close to your brother.

Making sure Tsukiyama is even living was dreadful, knowing any day now he could be dead when you go check on him. You try making him eat but when you go into his room nothing was even touched. You went to his room after work, cleaning and picking up whatever you could on the way to him.

“Hey Shuu. You want something? I’m going shopping”

No reply.

“Shuu?”

“No. I dont. Just leave me alone”

“Whatever” you rolled your eyes and left.

Walking off to the market for the weekly groceries was one of your favourite things to do. It was so peaceful to you.

Arriving back at home you unpacked the groceries and grabbed a glass of water and knocked on his door. No answer. Another knock. Again no answer. Sick of his behaviour you entered his room, calling his name to get his attention.

“Shuu drink this. Shuu.”

“What do you want?”

“Drink this water.”

“Im not thirsty” he looked at you with an annoyed expression.

“Just drink the water.”

“No.”

“No?”

“I said no. I don’t want to. And stop bugging me. Your so annoying.”

That was your last straw. You couldn’t help but just spill the water on him. He was acting like a spoiled kid to his parent an you were the younger one.

“What’s wrong with you?!”

You jumped. You’ve never been screamed at by him. And this sudden change was terrifing. Unable to stop your tears from falling down you replied back. “Wrong with me? Its you who’s ungrateful! Im just trying to help you!”

“Help me? I don’t need your help!”

“Really? Guess you’ll be fine to find your own place to stay then.”

Tsukiyama stayed quiet and huffed. Thinking you were just bluffing. “You would never”

“I just did. Get out.”

He sat there wide eyed at you. “Wait seriously?”

“Yes. I’ve had it with you. Now you have 10 minutes or I’ll call the police.” You slammed the door on the way out of the room leaving Tsukiyama stunned. Hearing you sob from the kitchen broke his heart. What has he done?

[heart-of-the-party]

i wrote some angsty azune/estinien stuff! it’s mostly word vomit but yeah, i was wondering how to touch upon this when i played EnW and had an idea today.

for some context:

azune’s parents are- viera father, au ra mother (Frir and Asa Viraum)

they were renowned alchemists from thavnair and spent most of their time in The Great Work, they were both killed in an explosion at a research facility (very cliche, yeah). they had a child out of societal expectations and as such did not deeply care for azune.she grew up quite independent and alone and does not have a strong attachment to her parents.

"Viraum? Are you perchance related to Frir and Asa Viraum?", Nidhana asked, her gleaming eyes indicating that she already knew the answer.

"Did the ears give it away?", Azune asked, a polite and practiced smile on her face. Beside her, the 3 scions stiffened slightly. Urianger made a move as if to speak but Nidhana began to gush almost instantly.

"I knew it! You look just like your father. I was but a young girl when your parents used to work here, I have met them a couple of times many years ago and your mother's encouraging words really inspired my journey into alchemy. Almost everyone here remember your parents fondly and keenly feel their loss, I cannot imagine-"

"Ooh, good for them, for I feel nothing for the kind of people who decided their work is more important than the child back home.", saying so, Azune whipped around and strode out of the room. Estinien immediately followed her out. Nidhana blinked, clearly surprised and at a loss for words.

Urianger and Thancred exchanged looks, for now it's best they leave Azune to Estinien. Not a lot of people knew about Azune's relationship with her long-gone parents and evidently Thavnair has been a constant reminder for her. Nidhana's well-meaning but callous words were the last straw.

"Sorry about that, perhaps we should refrain from mentioning the Viraums at all. Azune shares little else with them other than the same last name, so let's not probe further than that, yeah?" Thancred's voice was light but his words had a tone of finality to them. Nidhana only nodded, apparently unabashed.

"I'll make sure no one says anything about them to the Warrior of Light. Everyone has their circumstances. It was my mistake to have made assumptions about their relationship." She suddenly stood up and clapped her hands loudly.

"Now then, let's get to work!"

Thancred and Urianger smiled and nodded, eager to get started and leave the awkward situation behind.

---

Azune walked a few paces ahead of Estinien. She knew he was behind her but she couldn't bring herself to stop and face him. She was afraid that she might end up lashing out at him. Right now all she felt was waves of anger in different tones- frustration, bitterness, sadness.

When they arrived at the cliffs of the Perfumed Rise, away from the bustle of The Great Work, Azune stopped. She heard Estinien stop too, he was close to her but far enough to give her space.

"I am sorry." she blurted out. In truth she was, she was the Warrior of Light, she shouldn't have been so overwhelmed by Nidhana's words. And she knew they were going to a place where her parents worked. Being viera as well as carrying the name of some of the most well-known alchemists in The Work was bound to lead to someone talking to her about them. She knew this and yet-

"Dont." he said, his voice soft but firm.

Tears welled up in Azune's eyes. Estinien is always so kind.

Realising that there's no way to stop her overflowing emotions, she broke down finally.

"I hate this! I hate what I am feeling right now. I thought I was over them but apparently not. I am so weak." she said, her voice quavering, making her even more frustrated. She barely shed any tears for her parents during their funeral, why was she being so affected now?

Estinien said nothing but moved close to her and tugged her hand, inviting her closer if she wanted it. She laid her head against his shoulder, tears soaking his shirt. Estinien held her close as she continued her rant.

"Why were they so nice and kind to everyone else but me? Everyone we meet remembers them fondly and I? I don't even have any worthwhile memories of them. I was alone the whole time. My mother said encouraging words to Nidhana, huh? Why couldn't she do the same to me when my first few spells failed? Oh right, because she wasn't home."

Azune's voice grew stronger and angrier as she went on. Estinien tightened his hold. He was angry too, on behalf of his lover. Coming from a caring and loving family, he was baffled that someone could leave their child alone like that. Azune deserved better. No amount of alchemical innovations her parents worked on was worth the loneliness of her childhood.

"Why have me if they didn't want to be actual parents? I don't know- I don't think- I.." she voice broke again and she cried harder, her arms clinging desperately around Estinien. His anger had already turned into concern as he ran his hand through her hair, hoping to soothe her heart in any way he could. He was never good with words, preferring to show his feelings through actions. And right now, all he could do was hold her till she calmed down. Just as he did before, after the events at The Vault.

Azune eventually calmed down enough and Estinien released her, his arms still hovering close to let her know he wasn't letting go if she needed more time. She stepped back a little and looked away sheepishly. "Thank you.." she said, her voice small and hoarse. "Sorry again. She was trying hard to avoid his eyes.

Estinien sighed. Both Azune and Alphinaud were annoyingly polite even to their closest friends. But it was also an endearing part of them and Estinien had begrudgingly learned to not argue back when they apologised or thanked him for the smallest of things.  

Before he could say anything, his linkpearl beeped. Thancred's voice came in, unhurried and casual. Apparently they had mostly wrapped up the discussions with the alchemists and suggested Estinien take Azune out for the evening before returning to The Great Work for dinner and finalizing the plans for the next day.

"Azune." he called. She finally looked at him, a small smile on her face. Estinien felt his heart squeeze at that. He smiled back, as he took her in his arms again. A thought nagged at him. Haltingly he tried to give it form.

"Perhaps- perhaps your parents had you for the sole reason that we'd meet and share our lives together. I am sorry your journey to get here was... hmm, shitty. Forgive me, I am not good with words and... mmf"

Azune's lips were on his, insistent and hungry. Her hands were tangled in his hair, pulling him down deeper into the kiss. Though surprised at first, Estinien kissed her back with the same intensity. When they parted, Azune nuzzled his nose.    

"You know what, you're right. I am glad I met you, Estinien. You and everyone else. My real family."

What seemed like a lifetime ago, Estinien was ready to give up his life for Ishgard. It was his duty as the Azure Dragoon. Now, looking at the viera in his arms, Estinien was glad to be alive if only to be Azune's lance.

Both of them were broken when they found each other and together they had learnt to pick themselves up and live on for a better tomorrow. And now as they walked the coast of Thanvair, hand-in-hand, Estinien vowed to always be what Azune needed him to be.  

---

Walking towards the wizened dragon who was left with no will to live, Estinien remembered that evening in Thavnair. The feel of Azune against him and his renewed resolve. That was his last thought and his last wish. For her to see this through. Even if he were gone, she had to make it. She needed him to be a guide right now. And that's what he'd be. Putting his faith and love into the right words was a monumental task in itself but he did his best.

"Go, my friend." He smiled at her one last time before being engulfed by the cold darkness.

[awsugar]

as a fellow 28 year old still living with her mom, i feel the struggle, my mom goes into my room whenever i leave and moves things around (idk) i'm so sorry you gotta deal w/your dad doing shit like that you, it's fucked up and not okay and i hope you can move into a better situation soon <3

im so sorry. he doesnt do it all the time but he does go in my room sometimes and specifically what happened this time was last week on thursday i had a bug infestation in my room and i had to take everything out. great opportunity to clean my wreck of a bedroom. i got rid of a ton of stuff and organized some things that had needed to be organized for ages. i had a ton of clothes on my floor though and they all need to go through the wash because there were ants and i dont think they were in my clothes like all over or anything because the clothes is not what they were attracted to but like im not putting any of that shit back into my room until i KNOW there are no bugs. so i did a few loads of wash but then i wasnt home at all all weekend, i was at work the rest of the days, and now i have two days off in a row. but basically i wasnt home in order to finish putting everything away that came out of my room. an ongoing problem i have at my dads house is that my bedroom is fucking SMALL and all of my stuff doesnt fit in it even though i want it to. so sometimes there are laundry baskets or other things that are out in the hallway/dining room (we live in a one floor condo). i do have a habit of not taking care of my stuff and letting things sit for a really long time. however, last week on thursday the things that my dad was like really fed up with i took care of. i had a package from my mom and a box of stuff from my bathroom that had been sitting in the dining room for months and i finally took care of it. so the stuff he was tired of looking at wasnt there anymore. i just had a few storage bins that came out of my room on thursday that were in the hallway and i planned on taking care of all that stuff today/tomorrow on my days off. but i came home yesterday and my dad told me that he had gone through both of my storage containers, decided what i needed and what i didnt need, threw away one of the containers, put a bunch of my stuff in a different storage bin that he wants to take to the basement, and then started like interrogating me on whether i needed a few books and a snow globe from my childhood that he had found. and i immediately got sooooo fucking angry!!!!!! because its not his place to go through my shit! and i told him as such i and told him how mad i was and that that wasnt his job and i didnt want him going through my things and we also had this argument again today and he is so fucking stubborn that its not clicking for some reason that im fgoing to be 29 in may (and i am desperate to move out and will be one way or another this year) and i dont deserve to have my dad violate my privacy and belongings by going through them and deciding what HE thinks that i need. and for me yes it is way worse that it is my dad doing this than it would be if it were my mom even though i would still dislike it. and he just says that based on the past that he knew i wasnt going to take care of those things and they woudl just sit there. but the fact is that it was my plan to finish taking care of it all on these two days off and he didnt even give me a WARNING. he didnt say like 'you have two days to take care of this stuff or i am going to do it myself' he just told me that he went through my shit when i got home from work because he assumed that i wouldnt. and no matter how many times i try to tell him how fucked up that is especially because i am a grown adult. he wont listen. and we just start yelling again. and its driving me fucking insane like. this has been the final straw with me living with him even though its been ruining my life since i had to move in here in 2020. sorry for the wall of text but i had to get it off my chest like ugh. i hate this. i wish i could move sooner. and im so so sorry you have to deal with similar shit. and thank you if anyone actually read all this lmfao

[calamitoustide]

i was just thinking about regulus and well, i dont think its just a split second decision to betray the evil wizard you are 'loyal' to so much, especially with all the family pressure to act the 'right way' which would be to serve him with devotion. kreacher mustve been the last straw and with that in mind, the info that we have of him having a voldemort's 'shrine' up on his wall could maybe have been him keeping tabs on his doings. he's smart obviously, he knew about the horcruxes!!! he couldve easily been defected so much longer and playing this character that he had to.. as to not face the same abuse as his older sibling thinking its probably stupid to rebel so openly.

there are always two ways to look at Regulus becoming a death eater there’s the one where he genuinely wanted it and the one where he wanted to save himself he was a child he didn’t want to die. in no case was he “forced” no one grabbed his arm and dragged him to Voldemort. yes, he might be pressured by his parents to do it but it has to be his decision. he was the one who did it. he was the one who stuck himself on the path it was his fault.

i’m looking at it from a jeg perspective because they’re all i know and i could agree that the “voldemort wall” was a way of keeping tabs on him/trying to figure out how to defeat him. i could buy into that i could also buy into him just wanting the shrine if that means to trick himself into believing the path he’s taken or because he actually likes it. in a case without james i do think he genuinely likes it he doesn’t understand the other side no one taught him. all he knows is voldemort will be keeping him alive.

and yeah i don’t think it was a split decision either i think he decided he wanted to leave long before he did. he had dreams of following james. he had dreams of being with him. he had dreams of meeting up with sirius again of mending what they had broken. he had dreams but he was a kid and he really didn’t want to die. i don’t think it was only kreacher that made him betray voldemort there were many other things building up to it. he was a kid so he didn’t want to die, yes, but he was also a kid trapped in a room with dreams he knew he’d never get.

whether he went into the cave thinking he’d survive and find a new life for himself or whether he went into the cave knowing he was going to die and forcing himself to find peace with it, he’ll die. it’s the only way the story can end.

[minniweekss]

sit your ass down this is a long one

idk what the fuck has been wrong with me lately but all i ever feel is rage. everything pisses me the fuck off. mom woke me up at 10:30, bad mood. yesterday i woke up at 1:30pm, pissed tf off. also dropped my coffee on my new shoes yesterday and then proceeded to knock my entire 24ounce tumbler of coffee off my desk and all over my fucking carpet so now im even more pissed off trying to clean this fuck shit up with stupid ass paper towels knowing that my carpet is now fucked forever.

now heres the embarassing part. my mom witnessed my entire rage fit. screaming, flailing, throwing shit around my room and quite literally destroying my room just because some coffee spilled on my run. quite literally was my last straw.

now lets throw it back to the 26th, my birthday. I wake up with fucking covid (didnt know it was covid until the 28th). My mom leaves for NC that morning. we were supposed to do a birthday breakfast but since i was sick she just straight up left and we didnt do anything. so i spent the weekend alone with mike. Friday night i spent alone in my room with my little piece of cake and Love Island. then i went to work the next day (with a mask ofc) and worked a 9.5 hour shift while swaying and seeing black spots. oh lemme mention it was opening weekend of the new deadpool movie so it was fucking busy to say the least.

Anyways this whole weekend im literally alone. me myself and i. mom comes back, suddenly mike is sick. guess what? she buys him soup, fruit, juice, medicine, literally anything he needs. When i told my mom i had covid and was taken off the work schedule for the rest of the week she told me i should have said my test was negative so i could work anyways. ma'am im fucking sick with a very contagious disease are you fucking fr. while you're letting mike sit here and act like hes on his fucking death bed. suuuuuure.

now lets back it up even more to the weekend before my birthday. i had to celebrate that weekend bc i couldnt get the weekend of the 26th off bc of, you guessed it, deadpool. anyways. we were taking this blacksmithing class that i had my eye on for MONTHS. now im the one in the group to be known as the fantasy/medieval lover. i was quite literally writing a book about a blacksmith so. I was extremely excited for this class and i was trying to keep up with pics and videos of the progress cuz it looked like none of my friends were taking videos. I noticed a few here and there but didnt really think of it cuz i was so focused on making my knife. we get out of the class and back home and im sending all the pics and vids that i took and they did the same, and there were a lot more videos than i thougt. not a single one was me. i dont want to sound like a bitch saying like oh record me im important, no. But i was very excited for the class and i was trying my best to get videos of my own progress and they literally saw me doing that and didnt think to get a video of me making it? every single person that was in my group got a nice video of them tinkering away, while im seen in the background of the videos.

like quite literally one of them got a video of her doing each fucking step. why tf was i being ignored. they were barely even talking to me dude they were all talking to each other and im over here like ok i guess ill just focus on my knife then. there were a lot of cool tricks i was doing with the instructor, but i couldnt take a video bc blacksmithing needs both fucking hands. and i was too embarassed to ask for a video. i feel like i shouldnt have to ask..... the trick we did was called a double strike. the instructor did it with one of my friends and literally everyone whipped their phone out for a video. then a few mins later he came up to me and asked if i wanted to try and i was so excited. it was making me feel like a orc in mordor or something i thought this shit was so fucking cool. anyway we start, and i look around and not one person is even watching. cool.

idk i usually really dont like photos or videos of me cuz i hate the way i look so much, but this is probably the one thing i wanted a video of and didnt get one. i should have fucking asked them to take videos but i didnt think about it until we were home and i noticed that everyone else got a video of themselves. i was like "oh!" so i couldnt really post for my birthday cuz i didnt fucking have any pictures to post. literally all i got is a group picture with the instructors.....

to be fucking honest it felt like i was the third wheel when it was my planned event. not even just an event, but my 25th birthday. i feel like ever since then ive been agitated and annoyed all the time, especially with my friends. im becoming short tempered with them now. i dont think its a direct correlation to the blacksmithing at all i think its cuz my attitude has been so sour lately.

this post is all over the place so bear with me ok. im gonna jump around a lot. another thing that sets me off is when i text my friends either questions or plans i need them to confirm and they take 5 fucking day to respond to me, like shit i dont fucking need it now. idk i just cant be friends with someone who wont answer my messages like how the fuck are we supposed to talk if you dont even respond. im talking to myself at this point.

and my close close friends do this to me too so its making me become more distant with them because my biggest mode of communication is through text. because realistically i NEVERRRRRRRR see my friends. its a once every three months event okay. so you cannot judge me for being a big texter and wanting my friends to respond to me. i really dont want to feel like im fucking begging for your attention. i shouldnt HAVE to beg for your attention. I pretty much have two friends i send everything to and they're both out of state so... i cant even get my fucking in state friends to talk to me.

all of this to say im angry and lonely. im always angry in some form, im like the fucking hulk bro it takes the smallest fucking thing to set me off. and im so lonely all the fucking time cuz as you can tell, my friends dont fucking text me, i dont have any siblings either so its like wtf do i do. The only time i get human interaction is at work with stupid fucking customers. also dont have a partner cuz i didnt experience romantic love in high school or college so i fear its over for me. 25, havent been in a single relationship. not even joking bro not 1. ive had maybe 3 people like me before: my friend in HS when i wasnt even romantically processing things yet, a dude from work who only wanted to fuck, and a friend from college who iced me out when i said no.

idk i think thats SO comforting only having 3 people in your entire 25 years to be interested in you. that i know of at least. but out of those 3, only 1 asked me out so its like ok. even when i go out with friends they're the ones that get approached or flirted with by everyone. like at blacksmithing dude the cute instructors were flirting w all my friends and then when they got to me they'd be talking all business... cool thanks i get it im ugly as shit ok. i dont think theres ever been a girl or guy in public thats even checked me out. girls dont even go for me so thats fucking great. idk dude this type of shit makes me feel like im genuinely ugly. i know thats probably not true but thats how i see myself and how ive seen myself for years. i have never liked my face. ever. its always been my biggest insecurity. when covid first started and we wore masks i was fucking thriving having half my face covered. i looked so much better.

cant even try dating apps bc im demisexual so i cant even build a connection like that. and this time is all about hook up culture and friends w benefits its like i dont want that shit bro. i want an emotional connection with someone first before it gets physical because im fucking scared. I already hate myself so why would i let some stranger see my gross naked body bro ew. i cant do this dating shit brother i am genuonely about to be single for the rest of my goddamn life. which might be the end of me considering no one can fucking afford to live by themselves anymore and i REALLY dont want to live with a friend and their partner cuz that would just make me fucking depressed about my own love life.

screw the fucking world. im over this stupid ass shit dude, people fucking suck. relationships suck. friends suck. work sucks. life fucking sucks. cant afford to do anything, 25, still living at my fucking moms house. its like im stuck int he same spot and not moving forward. time seriously stopped in 2020 cuz what the fuck do you mean im 25 and not 20. i lost sooo much time to the pandemic and it made me worse. it made me more anxious, more depressed, more scared to go outside and enjoy life. like i used to be so productive. I was going to school and working 40 hrs a week. and now im only working 42hrs a week and i can barely get out of bed on my days off.

as i get older it just seems like life gets worse and worse. like i dont see this picking up at all. i literally only see a downward spiral from here.

life is absolute hell that is only sprinkled with good moments. idk if the good moments are enough to outweigh the bad at this point. idek if i want to make it to 30. im so miserable here. i dont even have any family in this stupid state except my mom. llike i dont have siblings and i barely have a fucking family either. dont talk to my aunt or cousins, dont talk to my oma cuz she hates me, barely talk to my other grandparents bc they're insane. its like i literally only have my mom. ,everyone else i know can go swing by their cousins place and hang out or spend the night. ive never been able to do that. my aunt left the state two months before my mom had me. like literally everyone related to me has moved away. like if i was close with my cousins at least thered be SOME family i could actually talk to and be close to. nah dude. its just me and my mom, literally. that is so fucking sad.

god help me bro

[venusiankittyxx]

here we go a nice detailed chronological list to come back to whenever you so please.

• told me from the start that her toxic trait is being manipulative (& i was still surprised when i got manipulated, how naive)

• told me i am taking you from her. like, just told me i was.

• promised me nothing would happen when they went back to your room on ur bday party then came out and told me they did some things to you & then said “oh sorry, i only meant if you went back”

• she didnt like when i sent pics of us or anything yet continued on to:

• let me know before you guys had sex every time

• made sure to send pics of you guys cuddling

• wore shorts that said _____’s property the first time i went to her house 😂😂😂😂😂😂 a not so subtle bitchy woman trying to assert dominance move which is just some weird ass behavior for a grown woman

• told her i felt like you weren’t texting me much while you were away & a little later made sure to pull up all your messages together

• went to her as a woman to tell her BEFORE YOU how i was feeling because whatever SHE said was how i was gonna base my next move, i was fully ready to leave the situation at that point. she lied to me about how she feel (because she was just being nice!!! according to you). why be nice when it comes to how youre feeling?

• then you both twisted it on me saying i went behind backs to tell her when i didnt even tell her any details of mine & yours talk. she asked me how it went and my words exactly “good, he feels the same as me” (as in you liked me back, we hadnt decided to be monogamous at this point so thats all i meant)

• she told you i manipulated you and got into YOUR head. acted like i was cowgirling you from her when that was not my goal or intention from the start and i made that clear.

• sent me her using your socks “that she stole” as heating pads for her face?? why would you send that to me of all people

• started telling me you were arguing with her about coming out for her bday.

her: “i hate when i say ok and people just KEEP arguing”

me:” whos bothering my ______?😤”

her: “😂your boyfriend😂” *followed by a long paragraph insinuating that you guys are arguing about it

me: “im off for your birthday, want me to come hangout?”

her: “no i dont care at all. like AT ALL”

(only wanted YOU for her bday. little did she know i was gonna ask u to split a present with me for her and to get a cake delivered cus she wanted one really bad. but nah, not after that)

• wouldnt let me save our convos on snapchat always got upset if i saved anything incriminating her

• shared weird shit on facebook that was obviously for me or you to see

• other girl told me she got similar behavior from her, unprovoked, she just started telling me about it

• weird things went on until i blocked her in january

so yeah! call it beef or whatever you want. but try putting yourself in my shoes, how would you have felt about this behavior from an ex towards you, truly? especially when youre trying to tell your partner these things occurring and you’re getting little emotional validation on the subject and being accused of just trying to ask them to cut off their friend. on MULTIPLE occurrences.

so the day i blew up was my last fucking straw. im not dumb, i saw her slowly creeping back in. you rejoined the discord, she was messaging you more. you were very open with your things i just saw this shit on your screens openly. i went to discord my friends on your account & noticed your messages with her were deleted. now its come to hiding shit. i wouldnt have given a single shit if it was your friend on her account. im nowhere near as unreasonable as you believe i am.

now imagine its my last straw, i feel i cant even bring it up because of how the conversations have gone in the past. so i say “im sorry im done”, because i WAS done with THAT WEIRD SHIT.

you’re supposed to be on your lady’s side but it always felt like me against both of you. which is just not fucking cool dude…

[oneaneonly]

i would say most things that plague them are avpd and bpd related, not dissociation. i feel like they are relatively “fine” but they do not ever feel happy nor okay and they dont really want to live, so if nothing happens theyre at Most content. just surviving, fine. the issues arrive when avpd or bpd stuff happens. i feel like the former is more … constant. and the latter less so, but a lot more fiery. well, actually its both. because its like theyll be criticised or corrected and then go away and not eat because they feel not worth it. or consider trying to die or whatever. or other things, i dont know. another issue for them is their ocd but only sometimes. its like most things are only sometimes

most things that they experience are like sleeping monsters. and then you stand by the monsters and they attack. the things that affect their life the most or at least the person they are, to me, is avpd, bpd, autism, and the dissociative amnesia. id say they agree

there are mini micro triggers and threats that cause big things. like, autism for them does not like a lot of loud sound. if they could live on their own they may be more stable, because there would be less sound. part of the reason they are the way they are is theyre permanently exasperated because the autism does not like that there are people in the house who make noise, and then theyre stuck. if they close doors, leave, wear headphones, etc everything has issues. whether it be others or theirself. they sleep in headphones (autism and ocd reasons) and they dont like to because they dont like how the headphones feel, so that isnt resting. plus its loud. so everything is still, for lack of a better word, “traumatising” for the autistic state of mind

that is a horrible and dangerous baseline threshold to be in especially with everything else because either that or everything else is immediately last straw. time and time again theyll see something upsetting, and then hear at the worst time the piano playing. now they are in hell, they cant cry if they wanted to because physically its slightly impossible and well they dont want to, they cant scream, they cant really do much to navigate this. and even if they tried to “regulate” the issues are still around. its like trying to calm down when the room is on fire. how. when the room is literally on fire

triggers often include being told how bad they are at things in any way, moralistic language in any capacity, hearing people talk shit about others, i dont know there are a lot of them. they have to wear their headphones to hear none of this, but then theyre overwhelmed. it seems like everythings an issue. and it feels like everyone reduces their feelings to the fact theyre autistic as an excuse to not aid them. like You dont get this because youre autistic. rather than considering that their own perspective may just be plain wrong to begin with

no one is willing to accomodate them when things get weird. any accomodation thats unconventional doesnt get respected the same or is just something to get over. if they say something about this then it doesnt matter or whatever else. i dont know anymore

theyll never want to live, they always live for other people so they dont grieve and because they beg, and i dont think thatll change. thats been their life for nearly eternity. though, it makes them fragile in some places. they always feel awful as a baseline, more or less, so bad things make them feel worse. i cant say this all easily right now. im sure i stopped making sense some paragraphs ago, but the point is i think dissociation is an affect. i think dissociation is the byproduct of the taxing life they life. they probably need an escape. not sure how they do it honestly. i feel like the things giving them the most grief are the pds, but sometimes other things happen. i dont know, everything seems to Start there. maybe autism sometimes. but i wont know until a crisis occurs. i can barely remember and they are tired. so. dont know

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