#mattyhealy2014

[dontfall-inlove-withthe-moment]

Don’t fall in love with the moment / M.H

Matty Healy x female character

Word count: 1677

Warning: angst?, poor parental relationships, deceased parent. Occasional smut :)

Chapter one:

I'm trying to hold back the tears that threaten to come out of my eyes as I remember what happened a few nights ago. I dropped out of college a some weeks ago and the moment my mom found out she freaked out on me. It's not like I don't understand her, I get why she's mad to a certain extent, I mean what mother wouldn't? But she knows I've been unhappy for way too long now, she should understand this is what's best for me.

I didn't know how to tell her, I knew she'd get mad, but as alway, she got ahead of me. The school sent me a letter to discuss the refund of my tuition and she read it. She told me she saw unintentionally, I know she was snooping around, she always does.

“Would you mind explain this to me Claire” I freeze, this sentence never leads to anything good “explain you what” i say, trying to sound calm, but it comes out more frightened than what i expected “Oh don't even try to sound clueless you lazy brat, you dropped out of school that i pay for and you weren't even bother to tell me” That shouldn't have taken me back as it did, she was gonna know eventually, i just didn't expect her to so soon “Mom how do you even know that, were you going through my things again?” I spit at her, trying to deflect the subject as fast as I could “Oh don't turn this on me. people that lie and hide things don't get any privacy, you know that damn well” and here she goes again, with her speeches of how irresponsible and ungrateful i am. Believe me, I know I'm very privileged and everything, but that doesnt mean I'm obliged to love everything about my life. Sadness and discontent and not something you have to earn, but stuff that's just part of the human experience, it's not any different than happiness or any other emotion and I don't get why it's treated differently.

“Mom i already told you, I'm unhappy, i don't like what my life has become, why can't you get that” My mom looks at me with disappointment and just tries to think of what to say. I know she doest like me, she has never told me but I can tell, anyone can, even my father knew, that's why he always made sure to show me as much love as he could. I always got along with my dad, he understood me, he was the only person that believed that I could do anything I wanted. So when he passed away, for the first time, I felt completely alone. The only person that understood me was gone, and there was nothing I could do about it.

The argument escalated quickly and after a few minutes, we were already screaming at eachother. She told me I'm delusional and I'm living in a parallel world, I told her she's old and doesn't understand that i dont wanna become her. For what seemed to be hours, we screamed at each other, but it wasn't until she brought up my dad that my anger started to turn into sadness “You know, your father would be so disappointed if he ever got to see what you've become” That was my last straw, i couldnt take it anymore, i had to leave this house, this town, this fucking county, there was nothing awaiting for me here anymore. So i didn't say anything, i just turned around and headed to my room to pack my bags “Don't ignore me Claire, i am your mother and you will listen to me” she tried to say to me, but i had already made my mind, i was leaving, and she couldn't stop me. While I packed my bags I started to think about destinations, what was the perfect place to start again?, i instantly new, England, well, london to be exact, i new somebody there that could take me in, but mostly i loved London, because my dad loved it as well, he always told me the crazy stories about him living with his friends in a tiny flat there, and i just knew that my life would be better there.

I bought a one way ticket to England and had no intentions of ever coming back to this place, so i just slept, well that until my 5.00am alarm woke me up, my mom didn't even tried to get in my room in the entire night so i slept like a baby for a good 7 hours, but now it was time to leave. My flight taked off at 7:30 so i had to be quick, i tried to do as little sound as i could, but as i was about to grab the doorknob her voice flooded my eardrums “you understand that if you step out of this house you're never coming back right” she said with a defeated tone “I really have to do this mom, i promise i'll be okay” i could swear i could see a glimpse of sadness in her eyes, but it was quickly brushed off with a look that screamed indifference “Don't come crying back after your little childish plans don't turn as you wanted them to” she spat harshly at me, and i just started at her for a while, trying to make peace with how things were turning out “Goodbye Mom” I managed to say, hoping I would not to break down in front of her, And i just left.

My friend received me at her flat the same day. I texted her last night about my emergency and she told me she'd love to take me, but I didn't want to abuse her kindness, so after I took a nap she started ro help me find a job. i applied to a million different places, but i ended up taking a job as a bartender in a pub next to my friends house, everythings seems to be working out, but I felt like i was missing something exciting, something that would turn my life inside out, and finally give that feeling of adrenaline I’ve longed for.

And that takes us to tonight. My shift ended an hour ago but I am still in the pub, just that now I was on the other side of the bar, drinking my sorrows away. I was lonely, I hated to admit it, but I used to have this feeling in my gut that all of my problems were going to disappear after I left home, but there I was, realizing that that’s not the case.

It started with an innocent drink, that lead to another, and another, and another and here I am, trying to hold back the tears that threaten to come out of my eyes as I remember what happened a few nights ago. Just when I was about to go home, a tall man approached me, he told me he wanted to buy me a drink, i politely declined, but he kept bugging me, he just wouldn't let it go “Oh come on love, it's just a drink, you don't have to act like its a full blown date” he would say. it was when i finally looked at him that i realized how attractive he was, with long black hair and beautiful brown eyes that were staring into my soul waiting for an answer, before i think about what i'm doing, im blurting out an “Ehm i, yes, i mean, yeah sure” Im pathetic.

“So, are you gonna tell me your name?” he says, with a cocky grin plastered across his face. “Claire”, i say “what about you” He looks at me with a confused expression but brushes it off quickly “Matty, i like your name” He says in the thickest british accent ever and i have to admit, he had me already.

We took off quick, we talked about a million things and time flew by. before we knew it, it was 2:30am and when he noticed he offered me another plan “Hey so its kinda getting late, what you say we continue this thing at my place” i paused for a second, was i really that desperate to have sex with the first guy that approached me and bought me drink? Technically, i was, i mean i was lonely and wanted to spice up my life, i wasn't gonna achieve it by rotting in my room and drowning in self pity. Suddenly the idea of going back to his place didn't seem as crazy as it did initially. So you know what, fuck it

When i came back to reality, i realized i still hadn't answered him “I mean, yeah, why not” i tried to say in the coolest way i could. He smiled at me and licked his lips, i was subconsciously drawn to his mouth, i coudnt help myself from staring at it, I was so heavily attracted to him it was embarrassing. “I guess we better get moving love”.

We got to his place about 15 min later. Surprisingly enough it was all clean and neat. I found myself looking around at his stuff, there was a whole lot of music equipment that didn’t just seem recreational. it occurred to me that I hadn’t asked him any proper questions about him. We just kinda talked about me. “So matty… what do you for a living?” I asked him. He looked at me and let out a little giggle “I’m uh, a musician” Amazing,, I was about to hookup with a 20 something year old looser “interesting” I say, a little more sassy than I intended. He just smiled at me and took a few steps closer until there was just a few inches separating us. We were facing each other. I could feel his eyes scanning my body and without further notice, he grabbed my face and kissed my lips hungrily, pinning my body to the wall

Hey everybodyy, so this is obviously my first time writing a whole chapter of something instead of just blurbs but I really hope y’all will like it and if you have ANY comments please let me know because I genuinely care a lot about what you guys think :))

Another thing. I know it’s very cliché that this is called the same as the blog but it fits the fanfic 😁 (laughs frantically)

[dontfall-inlove-withthe-moment]

We were in bed, laughing, happy, I had been hoping for a moment like this for a while, they didn’t happen often but when they did I couldn’t help to try saving our relationship, we’d been together since forever, and I didn’t want to let it go just because we were in a difficult period, or at least thats what I liked to believe, since what I thought was just a hard time, was turning into our daily life.

I was naked, it didn’t imply anything sexual, even when it could’ve with any other, but he wasn’t anybody, he was different, it was special, intimate. I was exposed and vulnerable yet he wasn’t thinking about sex, he looked beyond the lust that bare skin could mean “You look beautiful” he said, in most honest tone I’d heard from him in months and when I looked into his eyes I could see how much he meant it, he loved me, I had no doubts about it, the question was if he did more that what he loved his addiction.

It was for the little moments like this that I’d stayed with Matty after all, but they’d also leave a bitter taste on my mouth, like a subtle warning alarming us that those moments weren’t meant to last even if we wanted them to. They were momentary, just a little insight into what our lives could have been like if the heroine wasn't part of it. It was pathetic, delusional even, not realizing that it didn’t matter how much I could love him, he would always choose the drugs over me.

There’s many downsides of being in love with an addict but in my opinion not being able to enjoy the small happy moments with them is one of the worsts, because you can’t help but feeling like the second you get comfortable, it will be taken from you, that little happiness you thought would last is gone in seconds, so you can’t enjoy them, and you fall into this loop of hoping those moments come your way but the second they do, you want them to end because you know that if you start enjoying them too much, you’re gonna get even more hurt when they die. You start you sheltering yourself of anything that can maybe lead to an unwanted state, and that’s when you start feeling nothing and believe me, there’s nothing worst than indifference.

(This is a little something I’m working on. Sorry if it’s not that good, English isn’t my first language:))

What you y’all think about this?, I know it has no context and it’s kinda all over the place but I think it’s lowkey decent