#and that tradition is bad because their tradition is forced conversions and controlling with fear through the threat of eternal damnation

[the-catboy-minyan]

"Jews are by religion stateless" shut the fuck up SHUT THE FUCK UP HAVE YOU EVER EVEN BEEN IN A 10 FEET RADIUS OF A TORAH BOOK? HAVE YOU EVEN READ THE DICTIONARY MEANING OF A SINGLE JEWISH HOLIDAY??? HAVE YOU EVEN READ THE FUCKING SHEMA?????

"Zionism is Antisemitism"

This statement pisses me off. I first saw it while arguing on Facebook, but now, with the antizionist hijacking Neil Gaiman's post, I think it's time to address this ridiculous claim once and for all. Let's first define Zionism:

"If you are a Zionist you support genocide" - Is self-determination in our ancestral homeland genocide? If so, then of who? Is there an ethnic group who's reason for existence if denying Jews access to their homeland?

"Jews are by religion stateless" - FALSE. That is the Wandering Jew trope, prescribed TO us by Christians. Jews have lived in Israel CONTINUOUSLY for over 3000 years, in small numbers between 136 and the 1880s. They have been in continuous contact with the Diaspora community throughout, with the Egyptian Diaspora in particular sending funds to rebuild cities that were ransacked by colonizers in the 1600s.

"Zionism is a secular ideology started by an atheist" - first of all, Judaism is an ETHNOreligion, meaning it doesn't require faith to be part of the tribe. Someone who is born Jewish can only leave Judaism if they convert to another religion(which historically meant either leaving for another tribe or participating in imperialist religions, like Tomás de Torquemada). Additionally, a return to Israel is a core part of the Jewish religion, with our ancestor having prayed for a "next year in Jerusalem" for 1700+ years.

"Zionism feeds antisemitism" - No, antisemitism proves the necessity of Zionism. With the existence of a Jewish state, Diaspora Jews aren't at the mercy of the goyim around them, and can coexist as equals. If the goyim can't stand to see Jews as equals, it's not the fault of Zionism. If goyim hold Jews collectively responsible to the actions of each and every Jew, it's not the fault of any one Jew. Stop victim blaming Jews.

"I'm Jewish" - doesn't stop you from having internalized antisemitism. Work on that. We all need to. This applies to ALL Diasporas, to Israelis, to matrilineals, patrilineals, to Jews who's both parents are Jewish, to converts, to everyone. We ALL need to decode the thousands of years worth of cultural osmosis from cultures and religions who's centerpiece is dehumanizing and persecuting us.

[hello-nichya-here]

Is Daemon in love with Rhaenyra or just using her? Why did he not go all the way with her in episode 4? Was it just guilt over using her or was there something more?

He IS in love and he IS using her. She's a way to get closer to the throne, and Daemon doesn't mind exploiting that, plus he wants to be Aegon the Conqueror and to him that includes marrying "in the tradition of their house" aka an incestuos marriage, and naturally the first choice for someone that arrogant is the princess/future queen.

But their genuine bond cannot just be ignored. Daemon is clearly attracted to her, and he tends to be less of a dick to her than he is to everyone else (still awful by the standards of any reasonable person, but it counts, and luckly for him Rhaenyra can be a bit unhinged too).

He gives her a necklace made of the steal of his sword as symbol of their shared heritage, comforts her during her mother's funeral, stops trying to act all threatening when she calls his bluff in episode 2, shows her the harsh truth that plenty of people STILL see Aegon II as the true heir despite Viserys choosing her (can also count as him trying to undermine her confidence, so it's both "tough love" AND "you're worthless, feel bad and sleep with me") and he listens to her about her fears regarding marriage/sex/pregnancy and full on encourages her to just do whatever the fuck she pleases (though this one also counts as him using her since he did to try to force Viserys to accept them gettting married, aka Daemon getting to at least be king consort).

He accepts to be part of a (fake) murder plot so she'll be rid of her husband and then marry her so her claim to the throne will be more solid (again, counts as both selflessness and selfishness), they are VERY physically affectionate during their marriage, he is clearly super happy when she's pregnant with yet another child of his (and in a deleted scene he mourns said child after the miscarriage/stillbirth), baits Vaemond Velaryon into calling her a whore in front of Viserys so he has an excuse to cut his head off in front of everyone and thus assuring Rhaenyra's son will get Driftmark despite being a bastard, and he is being very gentle when letting her know of Lucerys's death - that last one is important as it happens in episode 10, aka the one in which he treats her worse than ever.

For fuck's sake, they're CONSTANTLY speaking high valyrian to each other as that is the show's very deliberate way of setting their conversations with each other apart from the ones they have with everyone else.

Even when he was happily married with Laena, a wife he CHOSE because they had genuine chemistry and affection for each other, he was still thinking of Rhaenyra constantly, being aware of everything that was going on in her life even from afar.

As for him not going all the way with Rhaenyra in episode 4, I believe that happened for two reasons:

1 - Daemon wasn't as fully in control of that situation as he thought he'd be. He WANTED to have sex with her, sure, but he is an arrogant, volatile guy, and Rhaenyra, despite being a virgin, was not at all acting shy, scared or even hesitant. She wasn't letting him fully take charge, turning around to face him, toy with him after he had just pressed her against the wall, her back turned to him.

Denying her suddenly, without explanation, and just leaving her there by herself, was a way to take back control - especially since this whole thing was also about making Rhaenyra get caught with him, and that had already happened, so he already "got what he wanted from her" but she didn't get the same from him. He IS still a potential candidate for the throne, so disgracing the princess AND disregarding her once her reputation is in the dirt, but his isn't because rules are different for men, is a way to prove, either to her or to himself, that he holds more power in their relationship and always will.

2 - Guilt. Daemon KNOWS what he is doing is not right. He knows Rhaenyra is very young, he knows he's manipulating her, he knows he is using and exposing her, and he knows that's an awful thing to do to his own dear niece, the daughter of the king and brother he does sincerely love (in his own way). That's why he isn't gloating like a villain after his evil plan was a success, but is instead looking all miserable and drinking all night - he is WILLING to be an utter bastard to get what he wants, but that doesn't mean it doesn't take a toll on him.

Not going all the way with Rhaenyra gives her the chance to have a "proper" first time, with her husband (be it Daemon himself or not) instead of in a brothel, in front of a bunch of people, with a married man. It lets her still keep ver "virtue" even if nobody else will believe she's still a virgin.

It's also why he leaves once she's married. Now that his one path to become king no longer exists, he isn't caught up between what he wants and what's right, as leaving Rhaenyra the fuck alone is the only option - and Daemon himself confirms in episode 7 that he did genuinely believe his niece would be better off without him, even though she clearly disagrees (and they both have VERY good reasons to feel the way they do).

So yeah, Daemon is one hell of a complicated character, and even when he is being awful, that doesn't mean he isn't also showing some humanity - and vice versa.

[locustheologicus]

OPPENHEIMER: A Lesson on Presuppositions

Beware of condemning any man’s action. Consider your neighbor’s intention, which is often honest and innocent, even though his act seems bad in outward appearance. - St. Ignatius of Loyola.

I finally saw the movie Oppenheimer and it was amazing. Director Christopher Nolan stand out as someone who can take a subject matter, in this case the historical development of the Atomic bomb and the early policy disputes regarding the Atomic Energy Program, and imbue it with a powerful ethical consideration. Throughout the movie you journey with the struggle that Oppeheimer has with Lewis Strauss and by the end you are forced to reflect and re-evaluate how we all make unfortunate judgements on others based on assumptions we place on who they are or what they say and do.    

The movie was based on the way that Lewis Strauss (played by Robert Downey Jr.) went out of his way to discredit Robert Oppenheimer (played by Cillian Murphy) and to remove his influence from the world of atomic energy policy making. In the movie, Strauss’ motive is very personal and narcissistic. He was convinced that Oppenheimer had turned the scientific community against him. At the center of that assumption is a brief conversation that takes place by a lake in Princeton between Oppenheimer and Einstein. After the conversation Strauss comes by and greets Einstein who seems to snub him. From this unfortunate event Strauss begins to pursue vengence against Oppenheimer. 

The black and white portion of the movie depicts the Senate hearing for the cabinet nomination of Lewis Strauss in 1959, after the events that take place with Oppenheimer. During this process it becomes clear that Strauss orchestrated the persecution of Oppenheimer and because of this he losses the cabinet nomination. This infuriates Strauss even further feeling that somehow Oppenheimer continues to influence others against him. The Senate aide (played by Alden Ehreneich), after recognizing Strauss�� anger and jealousy, suggest that he truly does not know what was said during the conversation between Einstein and Oppenheimer and that it may be possible it had nothing to do with him. This is when we hear the actual dialogue between Oppenheimer and Einstein.    

The discussion was based on the fear that shared by many, while it was an important goal to get the bomb before the Nazi’s built there own, it was also feared that such a powerful weapon could not be controlled. One scientific concern was that the bomb would start a chain reaction of explosions that would not end, resulting in the destruction of Earth’s atmosphere. This fortunately did not happen. But later Oppenheimer recognized that what he had started was a political chain reaction that could also lead to a nuclear holocaust. This, he told Einstein, is what he believed he unfortunately accomplished. This would give anyone a moment of pause as they reflect on their new social reality in light of the massive destruction their science has brougt forth. This explains Einstein’s somber and contemplative mood as he walks past Strauss. Strauss however assumes a personal attack and begins to plot against Oppenheimer, to the detriment of the global community who will loose out from Oppenheimer’s caution regarding nuclear policy.

The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola warn us against making negative presuppositions on others. There is a great and practical spiritual wisdom from the Ignatian tradition. St. Ignatius knew that his missionaries would encounter new people and experience new cultural norms that could allow for the missionary community to misinterpret those they would encounter. There would be plenty of unfortunate opportunities to make personal and negative assumptions. Ignatius trained those who would be formed by Jesuit spirituality to always keep an open mind and to never assume a negative interpretation to how they experienced others. Fr. James Martin tells us:

The Presupposition steers you away from anger and so provides the other person with the emotional space needed to meet you on more peaceful territory. It may even invite him or her to change... The Presupposition also helps you stay open to change, growth, and forgiveness. (Martin, pg. 236) 

The Presuppositions are a lesson we should all take some time to reflect on. The great contribution of this movie is to see how this Ignatian wisdom played out in the dynamic between Oppenheimer, Einstein and Strauss. A single event that then, unintentionally, led to an unfortunate series of events because of a false assumption based and a negative interpretation. And because of this we continue to live with the consequences of a nuclear arms race that threatens the existence of mankind.   

[stromuprisahat]

Lucien

Third wheel to Feylin, spends the beginning of ACoMaF trapped between rock and hard place, trying not to stand up to Tamlin, his liege, failing to help Feyre or deal with his own shit.

Chapter 2

Feyre dares to ask for permission to leave the manor.

Chapter 3

She’s not allowed to test her new strengths. If Lucien can run three miles in few minutes, and she’s likely to be able to keep up with him, what’s the point of horses? Two thinks come to mind:

She won’t learn her boundaries, so she’ll stay in her human-ish ones.

A Lady doesn’t run, she’s moved elsewhere, paraded around, then moved back.

Feyre’s afraid to be weak, she thinks she’s damaged beyond repair. People around, pushing her into the role of some fragile flower, won’t help.

Lucien does what he’s ordered, not considering the impact on Feyre. Understandable. Acceptable in a soldier, not her friend.

Another word for “rules, rankings, and order” is repression. Tamlin’s the High Lord, his word is law, there’s no one forcing him to keep Feyre on such a short leash. Only his own fear.

Lucien: Look how bad Tam has it!

Feyre: Yeah, but it makes ~me~ feel like this!

Lucien: Well, you’re wrong...

“That’s not how it is and you know it.” is NOT how you persuade someone they’re safe and free, that’s affirming their fears with a drop of gaslighting.

It’s a thankless job to play a middle man, but Lucien seems to have picked a side. And he’s certainly NOT Feyre’s ally at the moment.

Again, this is just explaining why is Tamlin succumbing to his fears. Why are all those restrictions logical. Who cares about Feyre’s feelings? She obviously has them, because she doesn’t understand Tam’s difficult situation. No matter how irrational he is.

This is straight up offensive. When did Feyre wanna become a passive figure? Just some eye candy on High Lord’s arm?! She abandoned life in comfort to risk her own life to save the whole stupid Prythian, ff’s sake!

In a nutshell- Feyre’s to become a tool, accesory of her husband.

Ianthe has quite a lot of influence over Tamlin. Priestess, who’s been living with them for three months is trusted enough to know the people sufficiently to be able to decide if they can pay. I’m starting to doubt soundness of Tamlin’s judgement, not just his emotional self-control.

Okay, but what’s the point of all this, aside from making Feyre feel uneducated, less, lacking? Even worse- she’s already self-conscious due to her illiteracy, lack of knowledge will be understandably a sore spot.

If Tamlin knows this situation isn’t sustainable, he has a funny way of showing it.

Talk to him? Except Feyre tried to, and she’s told he won’t discuss that with her and leaves the conversation.

How deliberate is the choice of Lucien as Feyre’s guard and middleman between her and Tamlin’s oppressing tendencies? The person, who’s likely to see Tam’s side better? The duty won’t be his main drive, for him it’s personal.

Not to mention Lucien’s damaged enough to think lying in relationship is excusable.

Helping those people was supposed to be Feyre’s way to “learn to live again”. Instead she’s treated as an obstacle of their healing. She gave up everything and got blind worship and rejection in return.

The only way forward Feyre’s allowed to pursue, is completely out of her hands. Tied up in expectations, rules and traditions she cannot break or even only bend.

[askthefivefallen]

A: "I'm not gonna fade." *she wants to make a joke about Emily being so keen she keep control of her mouth but there's... a genuine, haunted look in the seraph's eyes that unnerves her. She figured Emily probably worried when she couldn't find Ass, when she didn't respond to her texts- which, fuck, now she's need a new phone again, Lefty was going to kill her- but she hadn't considered anything happened beyond that. She couldn't imagine what Emily had gone through over those few days* "I promise. I've got my ax back, I could always-"

I'm staying in the halo.

A: "The fuck do you mean you're staying in the halo!?" *her vision goes cross eyed as she tries glaring above her own head* "Em just said-"

I will communicate. I am not leaving the halo.

A: *she looks at Emily* "Give me a sec, I need Shamira to explain herself and I feel like she's going to make it hard." *her attention shifts back* "This is kinda fuckin' rude, you know, trying to have a private conversation-" *the wave of guilt that washes over her, she realizes, is just a fraction escaping through a dam before Shamira retreats further into the halo* "Okay, yeah, low blow. My bad."

It's hardly your fault.

A: "It's not yours, either. Like Em said, you have your own side to this story. So, why don't you want to tell it?"

I want to tell it but I have a number of reasons to do so through a medium. It's your body; now aware of the transgression, I do not wish to repeat myself, even to take control of a small piece of you. I worry that if we begin seeking ways to justify such, I will continue seeking those justifications. Being held in such a small space like this... it's not a physical thing, true, but it's not pleasant either- and I at least have a choice in the matter. You didn't.

A: *she nods- which is weird, even given the context that she's not used to talking to a noncorporeal entity like this- but remains silent, prompting a disgruntle ripple of annoyance from Shamira*

I also... don't want her to hate me more than she already does.

A: "Emily doesn't hate you, Shamira."

I was used as an unwitting tool to keep her from you. Even if she doesn't hate me, as a being, she hates what I represent. Heaven's Will forced upon her, taking from her a source of Joy, denying her choice- you saw her desperation, her frustration, her pain, all as clearly as I did, Ass. Even now, I'm keeping you from... indulging.

A: "Banging, you're keeping us from banging, yes, but continue." *the attempt at levity fails and the guilt becomes stronger for a moment* "If it's any consolation, we kinda have a tradition of having traumatizing events occur before getting physical- well, that's the dumbest way I could've worded that but whatever, I'm still kinda out of it- and this time, it'll take a lot longer to get past the traumatizing part. That's fine." *she reaches for her own wrists and works free the bindings on Shamira's gauntlets. They didn't give way easily- they were never intended to be removed- but she succeeds and pulls them off so she can set her bare hands on Emily's hips again. "We've got time."

That doesn't change how guilty I feel knowing that my presence is inhibiting you both and there's nothing any of us can do about it. And... I do not wish to make matters worse. On our trip through the portals, I acted on instinct, and it upset Emily further- a wrong word... no. I don't wish to risk it.

A: *she presses her lips into a thin line, then looks at Emily* "Shamira does want to talk to you but she doesn't trust herself to leave the halo. Plus, she feels guilty- I think she's trying to be unobtrusive in the hopes we can... ignore her and do what we'd normally do." *her fingers flex because she is hungry for Emily, especially remembering the first time they used this couch for... other purposes than sitting idly, but she holds back, too* "But... I'm not comfortable with that. I don't think you would be, either. And she's afraid-"

I'm not- wait, is this fear?

A: "Yes, Shamira, that crushing weight of negative expectation is called 'dread' and it's basically intense fear. You're scared of upsetting Emily more- you feel guilty about the how and why you were created, and you don't wanna fuck up your tentative new existence. Believe me. I get that." *she looks into Emily's eyes* "So... ask me and I'll speak for her. Even the shit she doesn't want to say, I can still kinda feel. I'll try to get better at saying what she's saying, too. It's just kinda... weird."

Weird how?

A: "I'll be honest, I'm not entirely sure if I'm the one picturing-"

Ah, yes, I see. I suppose... same.

A: "Yeah, now that we're aware of each other and you're testing the limits of your existence, I'm really not sure where you begin and I end. We don't- we don't have souls in the traditional sense but... there's something there. Something that makes me me and you you, and it's weird to suddenly be aware of that in a very tangible way."

A: *in the next moment, there's an unspoken agreement between them, because she looks at Emily and feels warmth spread through her chest, love for the one who literally went through Hell to get her back, and there's a similar sensation coming from Shamira. The guilt intensifies. They aren't sure where one begins and the other ends but they have things in common. They both love Emily and have pledged their everything to her but Shamira seems to feel like she is... lesser in this regard. Her entire experience with Emily was focused on reaching Ass; Emily has no reason to tolerate Shamira's presence, aside from the fact that it's Emily, and she'd never be so cruel. It's a one-sided love unearned, because the soft moments that melt the guardian angel's heart... were never directed at her, despite that being the only perspective to access those memories. So, they take another step forward together, cohabitating the same body and loving the same seraph and pretending like that makes any sense; as long as it works for them, it should be fine*

We have time.

A: *she smiles and sighs and relaxes into Emily's couch, into the pleasant pressure against her, the fiery kiss and oh so delicious familiarity in her touch, her soft words and the hunger flashing in her eyes- after resigning herself to fading into nothingness trapped within the prison of her own mind, Ass is soaking in every sensation. The idea of a shower together is exceptionally tempting- it's exciting new territory, and she's not so tired that- ah. Right*

I am incapable of granting privacy but, if it's any consolation, I've seen your memories and will remain silent for the duration. It's as close as I can give you presently.

A: *she smiles, ignoring Shamira for the moment* "Keep that shower idea on the backburner for now, Sweetheart. We're gonna try that soon but bath sounds great for now. Then... make a pot of coffee. I can't sleep quite yet."

You should. You're exceptionally tired. It took an impressive amount of mental strength to break through the shielding that should've kept you in, not to mention prying it open in the first place. I never slept, so your body-

A: "Shamira, please, shut up." *she sighs, shaking her head* "You know I'm just going to argue with you, you can read my thoughts, right?"

I can interpret your intentions but you speak straight from the heart. The lack of careful wording makes it difficult for me to understand.

A: "Okay, so you can't read my mind perfectly, good to know, but you damn well know none of us can sleep until we've talked about... this." *she makes a vague gesture to herself and then looks up at Emily* "Shamira can't, like, disconnect- she's always gonna be aware of what I'm aware of and she's not comfortable seeing you naked in the flesh just yet."

I have said no such thing.

A: "You're not the only one with a vague feeling, dipshit." *she rolls her eyes* "Literal fuckin' asshole." *she refocuses her attention on Emily, running her hands along the seraph's sides, trying to soothe her- and herself in the same measure* "I do wanna cuddle. I wanna just bury myself inside of you and lose myself for a bit."

Okay, that mental image was entirely unnecessary.

A: "But, Shamira's not quite there yet." *she tilts her head, then shrugs* "Although, she really liked you tossing her through portals."

And that revelation was also unnecessary!

A: *she smirks* "There's nothing I want to do more than pick up right where we left off- we went to the big fancy party, now it's time for us to have some fun." *she wants to waggle her eyebrows but... instead, her expression pinches* "But... Shamira tried for me, even when she wasn't really sure what I even was, so I... kinda owe her. And- she wasn't able to talk to you before. Now, she can, and I feel like she has some things she'd like to say."

I am under no obligation to cooperate.

A: *to be fair, that was true, but she knew an easy way around that bit of stubbornness* "Do you want to talk to Shamira, Em?"

((@ask-emily-em-emmy))

[brodependent]

Sam loves Dean as much as Dean loves Sam: a meta

Much as I love reading good meta, I don’t often write meta. Thus please accept my apologies if this is mediocre, and let me start with a simple topic sentence:

Sam loves Dean as much as Dean loves Sam.

A little longer, now: Sam is even better at loving Dean than Dean is at loving Sam because of Dean’s profound and abiding love for Sam.

Confusing, right? But not really.

We all know how Dean lives and breathes SammySammySammywatchoutforSammy. It’s his defining mission, his ultimate purpose, or, as a therapist might say, his “core belief.” But sometimes I think that we allow adult!Dean too little autonomy. We assume that he can’t help himself: he’s locked into this single-minded focus, on loving and protecting the only family he has left.

That sells Dean short. (Hang in there, I promise I’ll get to Sam in a moment.)

Even people who have been forced into a certain way of life have choices. Even people who have been told who they are all their life have choices. Dean tells us, in Season 14, I’m good with who I am--and I, for one, believe him. Whether we follow canon all the way to 15x17, when Dean is finally brought back from the edge of his desire for revenge against Chuck by his love for Sam (the only thing that’s “real”), or whether we keep to season 1 when Dean said--that’s all we have...that’s all I have... and I want us to be a family again and as long as I’m around, nothing bad is gonna happen to you--Dean has always accepted his role as Sam’s big brother. Dean’s life is unabashedly Sam-centric. He’d change a lot of things, but in the end he’d change nothing, because he wouldn’t change that. 

Some fans get very het up about the codependent aspect of this. Others (in my opinion, rightly) defend it. There’s scads of meta on why the Winchester dynamic IS necessary for their mythic role in the narrative, and their human role in the narrative (more importantly), so I won’t write that meta now. All I’m saying is what I think you already know: Dean lives for Sam, his baby brother, and despite the grief, the growing pains, the occasional cruelty of desperate love, Dean said it all when he told Sam (and us), Don’t you ever think that there is anything, past or present that I would put in front of you.

So where does that leave Sam, and his love for Dean? Let’s start with that line I just quoted. Building on the above, Dean’s goal in life is to give Sam a life. He wants Sam to be happy. He wants him to be free. He also wants to keep him by his side forever, to control him for safety and comfort’s sake, and sometimes those instincts of a frightened-child-turned-traumatized-man win out. Dean isn’t perfect. Dean’s full of contradictions. But time and again he goes back to stone number one: what he can do for Sam. What he can offer Sam, by being the grunt, by standing in harm’s way. 

When we begin the story, Sam has succeeded in the path Dean helped carve for him. I’m not taking all the credit from Sam here, and giving it Dean: merely pointing out that Dean stepped into traditional parental roles and helped send Sam into adulthood, even though that meant Sam leaving him. We know that the night Sam left for Stanford was one of the worst of Dean’s life, but even in mid-season 1, Dean tells Sam he’s proud of him. You always know what you want. You stand up to Dad. Hell, sometimes I wish I--

(this, of course, is beautifully echoed in the series finale itself)

Dean is telling Sam what so many parents tell their children: you have gone places I never could, accomplished goals I never could, grown in grace and understanding like I never could. At least, I like to think that’s what the best parents tell their children.

To Dean, Sam is always the one with more hope. More wholeness. More options. To Sam, Dean is stone number one. 

You asked how Sam loves Dean, and my answer is: just look. Look at how Sam goes out into the world young, stands up to their father, makes his own decisions, fights back against Dean’s own nihilistic narrative through their primary losses and setbacks. Dean gave Sam the safety to build a better worldview than Dean himself has, and Sam turns that right back around and tries to give it to Dean. 

What do you think my job is? You’re my big brother--there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. 

I can’t lose you.

You’re not a grunt, Dean, you’re a genius.

This is my life. I love it. But I can’t do it without my brother. I don’t want to do it without my brother.

I am going to save my brother. And then I’m going to kill you dead.

If you ever need to talk about anything with anybody, you got somebody right here next to you.

I believe in us.

This is just a small collection of Sam quotes showing his love for Dean. A small collection showing the persistent theme of Sam’s persistence. He knows that pushing chick-flick moments and emotional conversations can get jokes for a dime a dozen, and even the occasional punch thrown his way. He keeps at it anyway. When Sam knows Dean’s hurting, he wants to help. He’d do anything to help. He won’t sit around and see his brother turn into an embittered killer (season 2), go to hell for saving his life (season 3), take on the Trials (season 8), be irrevocably corrupted by the Mark of Cain (seasons 9-10), let him despair (seasons 11 and 13), let him sacrifice himself to an archangel’s grave (season 14), or let him lose his goodness to the whims of a vicious god (season 15). Sam fights for Dean with full use of his considerable gifts--intelligence, rationality, resourcefulness, and yes, the occasional blind rage. Sam looks to Dean, first as a leader, then as a judge, and finally as an equal. Sam has been looking up to Dean since he was four, yes, but over the course of the show he comes to look at Dean. With love, peace, understanding, humor, pain...whatever their inimitable connection requires.

The quotes I noted above also reveal Sam’s own conflicts rear up. Sam and Dean (again, in my opinion) are equally developed characters. Both have flaws and inconsistencies. Both have struggles inherent to their personalities and upbringings, distinct from those imposed on them by supernatural forces. 

Sam had a glimpse of a different life, once. He had the smarts, he had the drive, he had the sheer stubbornness to live a different life than John or Azazel or hell, even Lucifer had planned for him. But also in Sam--innate in Sam--is his core of goodness and compassion and the principle of doing right, which leads him back into the life and to soul-crushing sacrifice again and again.

Sam breaks and is broken. Sam suffers and ages and spends more time in hell than even Dean, who went to protect him.

But what keeps Sam going? Dean. Dean can’t live without Sam. We know that. The flip side is that Sam doesn’t want to live without Dean. Importantly, I think, he has more choice in the matter. Dean focused his whole childhood identity on giving Sam a life that meant he had choices, even if Dean didn’t know he was doing that. Sam can move through more crowds, more roles, more relationships. He has a better education, he has a more powerful ability to intellectually reason and detach. He would have made a great lawyer. Yet he casts all this aside out of sheer willpower, choosing instead to love Dean and live with Dean through the chaos of their lives, and to go near mad when Dean is gone. Consider Sam in season 4, Sam in season 10...Sam in season 8 trying to atone for the very choice that Dean (the best part of Dean) wanted him to make, even if the real muddle of Dean’s psyche couldn’t forgive him, for a time, for making it.

All of this leads us to the finale. 

You said you wish Sam had said I love you back to Dean in the finale. I argue that he did. He made his love perfectly clear to Dean in that moment by holding his hand, by looking in his eyes. He said, you can go now, when all he wanted was for Dean to stay. 

The best part of Dean wanted Sam to have happiness and freedom. At the end of his life, Dean was finally able to communicate that without fear or reservation. 

But the bittersweet brilliance of that moment is that Sam--the Stanford boy who went to hell and back, who saved the world, brought down one god and raised another--no longer wanted any kind of happiness or freedom that didn’t include the one person who’d been by his side all along. Dean was giving his blessing for a path that didn’t beckon Sam anymore. And yet: Sam said yes to it out of the love for Dean. Sam went out of that barn, out of the bunker, out of that day and that year and that decade and into the next and the next, out of love for Dean. Sam loved Dean by living. He loved Dean by raising another Winchester. He loved Dean by holding all their contradictions, flaws, and heroisms in his heart (in their car), until he’d done what he set out to do many times over. 

Then he met Dean on a mended bridge, dressed in old clothes that said: I was happiest at the beginning. I was happiest when we could be brothers again. I took my time getting here anyway, because I know that was what you wanted. I took my time so that we could be happiest now.

If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.

[holylulusworld]

Congratulations to reach 12000 folllowers! For the Drabble can I request a werewolf reader is afraid of Dean because he is a hunter that kills species like her, despite she never harmed any human in her life? How it turned out is entirely up to you, thank you.

Born under a bad sign

12,000 followers 2021 New Year’s resolutions drabble prompts

Summary: You are hiding your true nature from Dean. What happens when he ever finds out who you really are?

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Werewolf!Reader

Characters: Sam Winchester, unnamed werewolf

Warnings: angst, language, scared reader, angry Dean, violence, blood, characters death, a hint of fun

New Year’s Resolution: Stop lying.

Words: 1030

“Y/N, hurry up. We need to catch that bastard,” Dean pants, chasing after the guy stealing your purse. “What’s wrong with you? Don’t you want to get your stuff back?”

“I-I,” you can still scent the man stealing your purse. He’s not a normal guy wanting your money or phone. No, that one is a treacherous little snake working for your family. “We should just let him get away with it. I barely had five bucks in my wallet and my phone is old, Dean. It’s just not worth it.”

“You killed vampires, ghouls, and other monsters only to what – run for the hills as a drunk dude stole your purse?” wondering why you don’t want to go after the man Dean furrows his brows. “Y/N, is something wrong?”

“Dean please don’t get mad, but I know that guy,” you shuffle from one foot to the other. “He works for my family, and I guess they found me again. Running away doesn’t work for too long. Past always catches up, ya know.”

“Wait, you know that guy?” gasping Sam watches his brother pressure you to answer his questions. “What’s so terrifying about your family? Why do you never talk about them?”

“You see, it’s their lifestyle, Dean. Just like your father forced you to become hunters and follow his orders, my family wanted me to follow our traditions and so on. But I just didn’t want to be like them. I can control my nature,” you bite your tongue, fearing the time has come to reveal your true nature.

“Nature? I don’t understand, sweetheart. You are a hunter, a sweet girl, and a librarian. What do you mean with nature?”

“I-I’m not like you and Sam,” you whisper the words. “Unlike my family and their friends, I want to protect people and not harm them but I’m not a normal human.”

“Is your family a bunch of serial killers?” Dean snickers, poking your chest. “Come on, Y/N. Family can be a pain in the ass, just look at Sammy,” you giggle for a moment but then your eyes fill with tears. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“You will hate me,” you sniff, clutching your hands to your chest. “I swear, I never hurt anyone. I keep my needs and instinct under control. I only need to eat one per month. For the rest of the time, I’m a normal girl. Well, as normal as I can be.”

“Normal girl? One per month?” the hunter huffs now, obviously annoyed. “Spill it, speedy. I don’t want to spend the night out here. Give me something.”

“I-I,” you stutter, looking at Sam for help. He found out about your secret a few months ago, and simply observed you. Sam wanted to be sure you are no threat to them and not kill you only as he’s a hunter. “I’m a werewolf, a pureblood.”

“No—” Dean shakes his head in disbelief, gun aimed at your heart seconds later. “How could she trick us for so long, Sammy?” looking at his brother, Dean knows Sam was hiding your true nature from him. “Sammy?”

“I found out a few months ago, Dean. She’s no harm,” Sam tries to protect you. “She eats animal hearts once per month. That’s all. Please, she can control her change. She’s a pureblood, not one of those changed beasts losing control.”

“She's a werewolf,” you wince when Dean looks at you like you are a monster. This is the moment you always feared. “We got to kill her.”

“We didn’t kill Garth or his wife,” the younger brother interjects. “Garth got bitten and must control his instinct. Y/N easily controls her true nature. She never harmed anyone, Dean. Maybe she’s more human than one of us.”

“How can you—” dropping his head Dean shakes it lightly. “All those months I believed we are friends. Now you are just another monster.”

“Then kill me,” whispering the words you drop to your knees. “If anyone does kill me, it should be you. I’m done running away from my family. They want me to come back and be like them. I rather die than killing innocent people.”

“Get back up,” the hunter growls. “Show a bit of self-control. Die like a proud beast.”

“Dean, don’t—” Sam pleads. “She can just go away and never come back. Please don’t do this, Dean. Trust me for once.”

“I trust you, Sammy,” Dean unlocks the gun, swallowing thickly when you close your eyes. “But I can’t trust her.”

“Just do it,” you beg, whimpering when you catch the other wolf’s scent. “NO!” you suddenly jump up to dash past Dean, taking the hunter by surprise.

He twirls around to watch your hands, turn into claws. You howl, jumping at the werewolf who tried to sneak behind Dean.

“Y/N!” Sam runs after you, watches you slam your fist into the werewolf's chest, growling at him. “Ohmygod!”

“He-he wanted to hurt Dean,” you sniff, ripping the wolf’s heart out, looking at it for a moment . “I never killed like that before.”

“Y/N,” Dean watches you drop the heart, panicking when you smell the wolf’s blood on you.

“No—no! Blood, so much blood,” you cry. “I-I need to get it off me! I don’t want it on me. Help! Please help me!”

“Sweetheart,” watching your hands change back to normal Dean secures his gun. “You need to get up, okay. People heard the bastard scream,” he grasps for you, drags you away from the dead wolf. “Sammy, look for Y/N’s purse. They can’t find it.”

“What now?” you feel your head spinning. “I killed him. OhgodIkilledsomeone!”

“A werewolf, a bad one,” Dean helps you walk toward his car. “So — uh, you’re a good wolf? A nice puppy? Will you lie in the back and not chew on my seats?” you nod silently, not wanting Dean to get mad again. "We will have a serious conversation when we are back at the bunker."

“Dean can you just not—“ Sam groans when Dean snickers at his brother’s words. “She’s not an animal.”

“What?” Dean cocks his head. “You always wanted a dog. Now I got you a nice well-behaved wolf.”

Divider by @firefly-graphics​

[c-is-for-circinate]

Ok, Hades gameplay reaction time!

(Because I have been terrible this quarantine year about posting thoughts about stories I've been invested in, and I'm really enjoying this game, and I'm playing basically blind and I have theories, and what is tumblr for if not recording those things to look back on later.)

I love this specific kind of fantasy/speculative fiction, that straddles the line between 'allegory clearly designed to explore a real-world issue' and 'the themes of this reflect real-world issues but also everything is times one million for drama and setting's sake'. I love it so much. Because, look, this is a story about a teenager/young adult trying to gather up the skills and resources and help he needs to escape his controlling, possessive, emotionally abusive father's house. That's it. Strip away all of the trappings, and that's what the story is about. By comparison, I think about Star Wars. (I love Star Wars too.) That's also a story about a dysfunctional fucked-up family dynamic. But that family is fucked up because dad went on a magic-corruption-induced killing spree, and his twin children were separated at birth to be raised in seclusion with the intention of someday taking him down, and look, that's cool, but it's definitely not how people actually are. All of the dysfunction in that family is an outgrowth of the fantastical setting, which means it is fantastical dysfunction. It can occasionally mirror or remind us of real-life interactions, but it's a fantasy. Which is great and fun to watch and very comforting and so on, but I don't necessarily want that in every story, and I love Hades because it is not that, at all. When you extend out the basic 'kid trying to escape his toxic home environment', Hades is the story of Zagreus trying to get out with the help of his dad's estranged, complicated, wealthy and powerful family, who are absolutely part of the reason why dad is Like That in the first place, and may not be any more reliable in the long run but who he needs right now. And his stepmom and teacher, who love him enough to help him leave, unconditionally and supportively (ask me how many feelings I have about 'look, Hades can't hurt me for helping you, don't worry about me, I am going to take care of you and that means helping you get out of this house' coming from an adult authority figure, ask me). And his dad's employees, who like him but also have to fear the old man's wrath, and walk that line in different places the best they can. And stepmom's long-estranged parent, because this is a story about families and how they split apart and come back together. And all of that is so real, so grounded in actual, concrete, this-is-how-humans-work family dynamics. But it's also individual. The story works so well because Hades isn't just a silhouette of the controlling asshole father; he is clearly The Way He Is for reasons, complicated ones, good and bad alike. The Way He Is has details, particularities, paperwork, a dog he pretends not to love and rely on. He is specific. Nyx and Achilles are specific, not just generic kind stepmom here to be a trope inversion and cardboard cutout teacher. Nyx has backstory and personality of her own, Achilles has a complex history, opinions, a missing lover, and they BOTH have very particular relationships with Hades that aren't just boilerplate script. Yes, there's abstraction there, you meet these characters in brief visual novel-esque three-line conversations over the course of dozens of escape runs, of course there's abstraction--but there's the very real sense that all of these people have nuance, have good and bad days, that they've made choices to be who they are, even if we don't know what those choices are yet. And, like Star Wars, some of the ways in which this story is so specific rely entirely on the fact of the otherworldly setting! I've seen stories that go the other way, that try to use their setting entirely as window dressing, and they end up feeling so flat I can't even remember them right now because they don't let the environment lend complexity and nuance to their characters at all. The environment these characters live in matters. The absolute control Hades exerts over his surroundings is a divine power. The fact that everyone Zag runs into, for or against him, is either immortal or immortally dead, changes how the react to

one another and to the situation at hand. The shape of his attempted escapes (gauntlet combat with a variety of legendary weapons) might be an allegorical construct of the genre, true, but it doesn't work in any sort of real-world setting where there exists the possibility of authority figures above or aside from Hades and his extended fucked-up family. That's part of why the family is so fucked-up in the first place. But these changes still fit well within the realm of, 'yeah, if you took this extremely real-life dynamic and added these factors to it, I can envision people doing this thing'. I can envision these specific people doing this thing. They add to the specificity of these characters. Letting them be influenced by their unreal surroundings makes them more real. So hell yes for good storytelling!!!!

I'm still relatively early in the game (by which I mean I'm like thirty runs in but only just got past Meg for the third time, because I am not good at this game, although in my defense it's only the seventh video game and second button-mashing game I have ever played in my life so there's that), but I'm starting to develop suspicions about Persephone. Because, look, outside of Persephone's absence from the underworld, this story knows its Greek mythology, uses it, revels in it. And there is some kind of mystery still shrouding Persephone leaving in the first place. She left a goodbye to Cerberus in her letter but not to her own son. Nyx has warned Zagreus multiple times not to let the Olympians know she's his mother. He literally never even knew she existed. That's complicated! Add to that, Persephone left--the exact thing we are trying and failing to do again and again and again. She left with one note, which means either she managed a one-shot speedrun out of the entire realm or she had some other way to leave, because if she'd washed up in the Styx pool to plod back to her room and try again, she wouldn't've needed to leave the note in the first place. And, you know, she's Persephone. Really quite famous for leaving the Underworld! Also quite famous for being forced back. So. I'm wondering if Zagreus, so conspicuously absent from her goodbye, has something to do with it after all. Six pomegranate seeds condemned Persephone to six months, half a year, half her life. I wonder if a child that's half of her her constitutes a fitting trade instead. Which, of course Hades would be even more resentful and dismissive and cruel to the kid he got in place of the wife he loved (who he chased away by being cold in the first place). Of course Persephone would have difficulty saying goodbye to her son in those circumstances. It would make sense. The tricky thing here is how the Olympians fit into it, because I also suspect the rift between Hades and Zeus sprang from Persephone's departure. And yet, if the Olympians never knew Zagreus existed, let alone that he's Persephone's son--how can he count as payment into the deal in their eyes? So in that case, what does Zeus think is the justification for Persephone leaving, after the pomegranate thing? Or are we just not doing the pomegranate thing at all? It would be a shame to lose it entirely, out of a story that really seems to enjoy the myths it's playing with. And there should be something complex here, something more than simply 'mom fucked off and left because dad sucked and now I'm following her because same'. It feels more complex than that. 'Mom and dad had a baby to try and save their marriage, it didn't work, but when mom left she had to leave me behind because otherwise dad would have gotten the cops and her extended family involved' feels more right, while still just as grounded in reality as the story has been so far.

I sort of want to write some meta about how each of the six legendary weapons corresponds to their original divine wielder, but I haven't unlocked all of their codex entries yet (look I am very bad with ranged weapons in this game ok, I am working on it), and I still need to think about the details. Aside from, of course, fuck yes of course Hestia's the one with the railgun. Leave drama and elegance and traditional weaponry to her brothers and sister (Demeter, who knows how to get her hands dirty, gets a pass). Hestia is out here to get shit done. With a grenade launcher.

[amateurasstrologer]

BY REQUEST # 10 SATURN (IN THE HOUSES)

Alright y’all, let’s set the record straight about Saturn.

First: tell me a word more powerful than “no” - you can’t. That shit is unmovable. And that’s Saturn operating in your life. Saturn is a fortress - it’s the boundaries you need to respect if you want to get your life right and really work your shit out. Saturn tells you “no” - this mf wants to stop you from getting caught up in a bunch of bullshit and guide you towards getting your life right.

Saturn is structure and form. This planet is a prompt. Anyone who‘s ever tried to make anything, have a conversation, you already know: completely open ended shit gets old. We need direction, questions, structure. Those really juicy, really specific ideas and direct questions that seem to crack your brain right open and let your creativity spill out onto the sidewalk? Saturn, people.

Now, yes, too much structure can end up feeling like a foot on a neck. And this is where that "Saturn is limitations” idea comes into play. Yes, Saturn is working with limits, but they’re not meant to stifle you or make you turn and run in the opposite direction. Too much rigidity is too much rigidity - Saturn is meant to give you just enough gravity to hold your life together, not to stop you from being able to move entirely. Saturn taken too far always ends in traditional thinking, rigidity, and cracks in the foundation. Saturn wants to keep shit stable, but too much stability doesn’t leave enough room for change.

Still, the more we want to hate Saturn for being a crusty dick of a planet, the more we’re fooling ourselves into thinking that we don’t need any stability and beauty in our lives. Yes, bitches, beauty. When it’s operating right, Saturn helps you organize your shit into something meaningful - something beautiful and real - so your life can stop looking like a gross mess and tone the fuck up.

Saturn rules Capricorn. Why? Because Capricorn takes Sag’s ideas and philosophies and turns that shit into something real, something livable, something sharable. And, of course, it’s no wonder that Jupiter rules Sag - the relationship between Jupiter and Saturn is the same as the relationship between Sag and Capricorn: Jupiter helps you to mature, cooperate, and open up your mind to new ideas. Saturn helps you take that maturation and creativity and turn it into something real - Salty Saturn gives you a prompt, some walls to work within, so maturing doesn’t feel so scary and confusing. Saturn is your expectations - it helps you focus your development.

It’s not enough to think about it and talk about it, at some point, you gotta be about it. That’s where Saturn comes in to help you take those ideas, desires, fantasies and turn them into something real. Saturn isn’t a fake bitch, and that’s really why it gets a bad rap. This mf is serving you harsh truth, tough love realness every day of the week. When you’re ready to become an actual person in the world instead of continuing to live out your favorite delusion, call Saturn. Let this wonderful planet give you some structure and tell you “no, stop it,” before you get completely out of control and total yourself.

As always, particulars for the party people:

SATURN IN THE FIRST (1) fortifies your self-image so you can actually figure out how your individual life fits within the bigger picture. You got a message and you are ready to preach it, baby. Always working to get feelings and actions in alignment, unshakably strong sense of purpose. When you don’t respect the “no”: 100% crazy, allowing rigid-ass values and outdated beliefs to define your self-worth, fear of failure gets you lying to yourself to make it.

SATURN IN THE SECOND (2) fortifies your understanding of the past so you can actually organize, structure, and utilize that shit. Personal circumstances have collective meaning, always making your past experiences relevant, past experiences as the foundation for present direction and success. When you don’t respect the “no”: crushed under an inescapable sense of destiny, can’t make sense of anything that’s happened to you, repressing any meaningful feelings in exchange for getting caught up some fake shit.

SATURN IN THE THIRD (3) fortifies your fucking brain so you can actually approach your surroundings in a practical and organized way. Smart as shit, open minded, ready to understand and discuss anything. When you don’t respect the “no”: mental rigidity, imposing your narrow-ass point of view on your environment, fucked around and imprisoned yourself in traditional thinking and/or living in total chaos.

SATURN IN THE FOURTH (4) fortifies your inner-life so you can actually develop a genuine identity and form a rock-solid connection with yourself. Able to take deep, ambiguous feelings and direct that shit into fantastic works of art, projects, and/or true self-understanding. When you don’t respect the “no”: never letting anyone but all the wrong people in, Academy Award for Living a Total-Ass Lie, over-attached to social norms and superficial personality standards.

SATURN IN THE FIFTH (5) fortifies your self-expression so you can actually influence and inspire the people around you. Reserved, receptive, magnetic, understanding, charming. When you don’t respect the “no”: can’t express a genuine feeling to save your life, forcing yourself into traditional roles to save yourself from the struggle of creating and living an authentic life, completely unrealistic self-perception.

SATURN IN THE SIXTH (6) fortifies your focus on self-improvement so you can actually get yourself into a better, more stable place. Never met a change you couldn’t counter and conquer, practical guidance and support available on demand. When you don’t respect the “no”: locked yourself into an unchangeable position, unwilling to acknowledge the truth in other people’s experiences, clinging to the past like a leech.

SATURN IN THE SEVENTH (7) fortifies your approach to relationships so you can actually experience the transformative power of genuine relationships (with anything or anyone). Seriously responsible, supportive, constructive, and a complete joy to be around. When you don’t respect the “no”: passivity to the point of identity listed as Total Loss, zero accountability for how your actions affect other people, choosing fear-based relationships like it’s your damn job.

SATURN IN TH EIGHTH (8) fortifies your social awareness so you can actually manage and organize collective resources and feelings. Physically feeling and articulating collective emotions, source of inspiration and comfort for everyone around you, genius level ability to take care of fucking business. When you don’t respect the “no”: the most unhealthy power dynamics, making people rely on you and then resenting them for it, letting yourself get pushed around by circumstances, getting your victim on.

SATURN IN THE NINTH (9) fortifies your ability to focus on what matters to you so you can actually find some deeper meaning in life. Got the support you need to develop a rock-solid understanding of your experiences, effectively share what you’ve learned, and come up with entirely new beliefs and value systems that let you live a freer, happier life. When you don’t respect the “no”: never trusting your own decisions ever, living in perpetual confusion, infinite disappointment because you decided on unlivable values, beliefs and ideals.

SATURN IN THE TENTH (10) fortifies your perspective on social roles so you can actually influence and sustain relationships. Utilizing defined roles to express personal feelings, breaking down the existing order of things in favor of more effective, productive standards, got the power to bring people together. When you don’t respect the “no”: using outdated values to justifying staying in relationships and roles that are actually unfulfilling, acting like you know when you 100% do not know, totally unwilling to acknowledge alternative approaches.

SATURN IN THE ELEVENTH (11) fortifies your management abilities so you can actually organize and direct people, places, things (and your own life) like a boss bitch. Practical, realistic approaches to any crisis, equip with an arsenal of creative solutions ready to unload, displaying spiritual values through tangible actions. When you don’t respect the “no”: uses outdated values and beliefs to justify inaction, refuses to rise to the occasion, always convincing yourself any productive, quality of life improving actions will be useless.

SATURN IN THE TWELFTH (12) fortifies your subconscious so you can actually shatter all forms of traditional conditioning and embody spiritual values. No tolerance for fake shit. When you don’t respect the “no”: fucked around and isolated yourself from everyone, permanently barred yourself from living in reality, permanently cock-blocking yourself, denial level: unbreakable.

Does all this shit feel familiar? Good. It should. Everyone experiences all of these phases at different points. Where Saturn hangs in your Natal just lets you know which phase is going to be the most prevalent throughout your life.

Happy charting, bitches.

XO BULLSHIT FREE ASTROLOGY

[jordanstrophe]

Hey I was wondering how do you think Walter would celebrate Gabriel's birthday if at all?

Gah! Y-you.. You know I can't not write this!  You know too much   Of course he would celebrate his only child’s birthday!

CW: Whump, held captive, drugging slightly referenced, parental, possessive, creepy intimate whumper.

Masterlist

Gabriel scrubbed away at the pile of dishes. Even for just the two of them, they generate quite a lot somehow. Maybe if Walter didn't get a new cup for every single tea he drinks in a day there wouldn't be so much...

He froze with a gasp when he felt two arms slither around his waist and a chin settle on his shoulder.

"Darling! I- oh, this is going to sound embarrassing. But I realized I never asked... When is your birthday?" He murmured with shame.

Gabriel slowly lowered the plate in his hands as his face went pale.

It was tomorrow.

“In a few months.” Gabriel smiled, before quickly grabbed a cup, hoping if he appeared busy it would be the end of the conversation. 

“Gabriel.” 

He froze the second he heard Walter’s tone. 

He was in trouble. 

A hand wrapped around his chin and forced his head around. “Don’t ever lie to me again. Do you understand?” He hissed.

“I understand.” Sweat beamed on his brow, he didn’t have the bravery to make eye contact. Walter’s thumb traced his lips as Gabriel forced himself to be still.

“If I catch these lips lying to me again, I’ll either wash it out with soap, or into the basement you go until you learn to respect me, got it?”

“Yes sir!” Gabriel yelped. 

“Good boy... Now my dear! This is very important.” His hands cupped both his cheeks with a pinch.

“When is your birthday?” 

Gabriel took a deep breath. Walter really wasn’t kidding when he said he could catch anyone in a lie. 

“It's.. To-tomorrow.” He gulped.

“It’s to-" Walter repeated back in a stutter.His expression went pale and his eyes went wide. He was stuck frozen in time as Gabriel was starting to get worried about him.

“W-Walter?” 

“IT’S TOMORROW!?” He shrieked as Gabriel jumped. 

“Oh have mercy! My baby! You’re growing up so fast!” He squished his cheeks even more. “Ah! There’s so much to do, so little time! I have to bake a cake and set up some kind of decoration, you need presents!” He hollard.

“I-I-It’s fine! I don’t need anything, really! I never did anything big in the past anyway.” Gabriel folded his arms uncomfortably.

“What? You never-... You.” He fumbled over his words. 

Oh, the pressure was on. 

The next morning after Gabriel had made his bed and sorted his clothes, he found his bedroom door, locked.

“E-eh?” He murmured, jostling the door back and forth. “Walter!” He called. “I think the door is jammed!”

“It’s not jammed, it’s locked!” Walter called back from the other side.

“... What?!” Gabriel cried. “Why? What did I do?” He thought back to everything he had done that could have been bad that week. Was it because of the lie?!

“Nothing dear! Just stay there for the day, okay? There’s books and tea on your dresser.” He could hear Walter clambering with things in the living room. He cranked his head around, sure enough there was a stack of books and steaming tea with bread and honey on a plate. 

How did he even get that there without waking him up? He sighed as he collapsed back on his bed with a book. Today was going to be a boring day. 

Several hours passed as Gabriel let out a goan with his face pressed into the pages. 

*click* the door sounded behind him. His head slowly lifted his head as he glanced back waiting for Walter to burst through. 

But there was nothing but silence.

He crept up, his heart thumping in his chest as his fingers twitched reaching for the doorknob. Was he even allowed out? 

Nothing held the nob back as he pushed it open. His eyes glinted with light as he saw the living room dazzling with a warm gleam.

It wasn’t the traditional cheap streamers or neon balloons, nor burst of color or obnoxious music. 

Instead, there were beautiful crafted lanterns draped from the ceiling, a warm yellow glow filling the dark cabin. Dim fairy lights rounded the table in the center spotlighting a gorgeous three tier cake worthy of a wedding. A soft yet happy tune playing from the record player in the kitchen. 

His hands clutched nervously as his shirt collar as he wandered around in wonder. It was like a fairy tale! 

“Happy birthday, Gabriel.” A voice spoke behind him. He whirled around to find Walter with a smile plastered on his face leaning against the archway between the living room and kitchen.

“Do you like it?” He leaned his head against the wall.

“I-.. I love it!” He gasped, he couldn’t help but to bob up and down a little. Walter chuckled as he sat down at the couch, waving him over as Gabriel tucked himself beside him.

“It was a bit last-second, but I wanted you to have something nice. You deserve it.” He smiled, pressing a kiss to his temple. He handed him a perfectly wrapped box with reflective paper and a shiny ribbon bow. 

“I don’t understand how you made all of this so quickly, the cake too?” He asked, as Walter nodded with a smile. He was a phenomenal baker, after all. 

Gabriel looked down at the delightful looking box in his hands. As pretty and innocent as it looked, he couldn’t help but to be terrified of whatever continents it may contain. 

This was from Walter, after all.

His hands trembled as he pulled the ribbed, undoing the bow that peeled itself off the box. 

What if it was something to control him?

He broke the first tapped seal as he unfolded the wrapper.

What if it was something to hurt him?

He swallowed his fear as he ripped the box open, squeezing his eyes shut.

What if it was something cruel?  

His eyes fluttered open to see a bag of coffee grounds. 

“YES!” Gabriel shouted, raising the bag in his hands like it was Simba.

“Thank you! Thank you so so much!” He cried, cradling the coffee bag in his arms. 

“Oh! You-.... You’re welcome!” Walter stuttered. “I- I didn’t think you would like it that much! I know you weren’t a huge fan of the tea. You’re more of a coffee child.” Walter shrugged with a chuckle. 

Maybe if he didn’t drug him with tea the first time, he would have been more of a fan.

“Hey hey! You got one more, come sit back down.” Walter coaxed as Gabriel was still parading around the room. His excitement got killed, but he did as he was told. 

He set another thinly wrapped gift in his hands. Gabriel wasted no time delaying the inevitable as he tore through it. In his hands laid the newest edition of the book series he was reading! He didn’t even know the next book was out! 

He gasped as he quickly flipped through the pages to get a glance at some of the sketched art in the back. 

"Aa! One more thing.” Walter murmured, disappearing into the kitchen. Gabriel hardly paid attention, he was taking in every detail of the pictures and reading the descriptions. He stopped when he felt something soft get thrown over his shoulder, a warm fuzzy red blanket. He cranked his head up in confusion to look at Walter, standing behind him from the couch.

“I didn’t have enough paper to get it wrapped.” He smiled, ruffling his hair. 

“Alright! Who wants cake?” Walter asked, clapping his hands together. “Because I do.” He grumbled, taking a knife to cut a slice. He felt something press into his back as he gasped, glancing around to see Gabriel, slowly and nervously attempt to give him a hug without giving away the fact he was scared and trembling. 

“Thank you.” He whispered.

Walter bit his lip as he wiped away a tear. 

“Y-Your very welcome, son. Happy birthday.”

The whole rest of the day, Gabriel laid curled up on the couch wrapped in his blanket, a fresh coffee cup in hand with the book laying in front of him. His feet rocking back and forth in the air with content. 

@alien-octopus @yesthisiswhump  @lave-whump @whumpasaurus101 @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @hamiltonwhumpdump @just-another-whumper @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @approach-me-and-ill-cry  @whump-it @kixngiggles @as-a-matter-of-whump  @five-fictions-5-9 @rippedjeansandfadeddreams @thelazywitchphotographer  @sophierose002 ​

ʕっ• ᴥ • ʔっ  Thank you for reading!

[translations-by-aiimee]

Mistakenly Saving the Villain - Chapter 5

Original Title: 论救错反派的下场

Genres: Drama, Romance, Xianxia, Yaoi

This translation is based on multiple MTLs and my own limited knowledge of Chinese characters. If I have made any egregious mistakes, please let me know.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

Chapter 5 - Wrong Answer

Readers who have read novels such as transmigration, quick transmigration, and system plotlines, know that if the fate of the character in the story must be changed, it should be prevented before the character's tragic fate has occurred. However, Song Qingshi interpreted this as the event having already occurred, and was meant to save the character who had already suffered a tragic fate. This train of thought meant that his decision was a thousand miles off.

In the original book, Yue Wuhuan only appeared three times:

The first time was when the shou protagonist had just been sold to Golden Phoenix Manor. When he saw the unbearable scene of Yue Wuhuan being played with by the guests, his three views shattered.

The second time was when the protagonist's naive illusion of the future was destroyed and he was forced to accept his identity because of the ridicule and humiliating remarks of Yue Wuhuan.

The third time, Yue Wuhuan was taken out by Jin FeiRen on the Langgan stage to treat the guests and was accidentally torn to pieces by the demon tiger. Jin FeiRen concealed the actual explanation of the demon tiger's madness and treated it as a deliberately arranged game for the banquet. With this extreme fear, he shattered the last trace of the protagonist's dignity, making him completely surrender and become a plaything.

In short, Yue Wuhuan was a small supporting role with little substance, leaving the plot early, using his degeneracy to offset the beauty of the protagonist. His beauty was only like that of a beautiful flower that was about to wither. How can it be compared with the pure and clean flower bud that had not yet bloomed in the dawn?

This was a super simple multiple-choice question that every reader could figure out!

If the system was a living thing and watching over the exam being taken, it would be so angry that it would have come out and beaten that foolish Song Qingshi to death.

Scholar-Tyrant Song didn't know that he had drifted so far from the original goal, but he was still eagerly confident, trying to do his best and vowing to get a perfect score!

On the way back to the Valley of the Medicine King, Song Qingshi had recalled all the memories of his original body and integrated it with its massive knowledge of medicine and alchemy. There were rare and exotic herbs and miraculous medicines in the cultivation world. However, similar to traditional Chinese medicine, even if the medicine worked wonders, the science behind the effects of these medicines was still a mystery.

Modern medicine conducts systematic research on traditional Chinese medicine to find out the monarch-minister-auxiliary relationship within its components, extracted the useful ingredients in each concoction, and then developed medicine that was easier to take and had even better results.

A female scientist won the Nobel Prize for this, benefiting the world. Song Qingshi focused on modern medicine, leaped away from the traditional path of immortality, and quickly found new ideas for solving problems for many areas that the original body had failed to properly study. He used the Tiangong Pavilion to make modern scientific instrument substitutes, and then analyze the effective ingredients in the immortal medicines, purify them, research them, and even artificially synthesize them. . .

In Song Qingshi's mind, there were countless experimental schemes in an endless stream, and there were tens of thousands of books and inexhaustible medicinal materials in the Medicine King's Valley, as well as abundant research funds.

He was overjoyed, like a mouse that fell into a vat of rice. He wanted to kiss the system if he could.

Song Qingshi fully understood why the original body lived here, staying in such a cultivation paradise. He could live here for the rest of his life!

He could immerse himself in the ocean of intense studying and research every day. He could dedicate his life and soul to his favourite medical god. No one could send him back!

Song Qingshi looked at Yue Wuhuan in his arms. The more he looked at him, the more he loved him.

This was the big treasure that had given him everything! He would do everything he could to save him, just like his parents used to treat him before; indulged, spoiled, loved, and giving him all the good things he needed so that he can live a happy life like a prince in a fairy tale!

Song 'a father's love is like a mountain' Qingshi was full of ambition. He suppressed his excitement and immediately placed Yue Wuhuan in the side hall of his bedroom. He did everything by himself. First, he poured the elixir carefully with the crane-mouthed pot to re-invigorate the breath of life. Then he changed into white clothes, put on a homemade mask, and found a pair of extremely thin animal leather gloves. After he finished disinfecting the wounds, gently cut off the blood-soaked gauze and feather skirt on Yue Wuhuan's body with scissors, rinsed the wounds, and then sutured them with very fine silkworm thread. Then, he cut off the shackles and treated his ankle wounds.

Song Qingshi's movements were extremely gentle and quick, barely touching any skin, but Yue Wuhuan's body was extremely sensitive. He twitched slightly and groaned a few times before falling asleep again. Song Qingshi took the opportunity to take some blood samples for analysis, and also performed a full-body scan of him with his mental probe. He was a good-tempered person, but after seeing the disastrously ruined dantian and meridians in Yue Wuhuan's body, he couldn't help but curse darkly at those beasts. He scolded them repeatedly, thinking about how he was going to explain this situation to him once he woke up.

Song Qingshi was not good at communicating with strangers. He was able to make do when discussing his interests, but his thoughts often went blank when forced into small talk. For example, when everyone watched the popular men's group selection variety show together and argued over who was the male god?

He answered sincerely that it was Asclepius, the god of medicine. . .

Song Qing hasn't understood why everyone said he killed the conversation.

He thought hard for a long time and remembered that when his Lou Gerhig's hadn't been as advanced, he worked in a hospital for an internship. His senior brother knew that Song Qinshi was afraid of social interaction and would end up a stuttering mess when he tried to have conversations with his patients. He taught Song Qingshi: "Push down all of your feelings and act like a medical machine. First write down their case in detail and their treatment plan, recite it with a smile, and then end with a comforting sentence." Song Qingshi took this secret technique, practiced many times in front of the teacher, and, finally, he could talk to patients without fear.

A hospital is a place for treatment, just like how the Medicine King's Valley is a place for treatment. What's the difference?

After Song Qingshi had this epiphany, he replaced Yue Wuhuan’s bed sheets and bedding with the white ones commonly used in hospitals. He ordered the valley servant to make several sets of patient clothes, put them on by himself, and then tied roots on his wrist to represent the hospital information band. With a red wristband and a sign on the bed with "Special Care" and the instructions for how to care for him, Song Qingshi instantly felt calm in this makeshift hospital environment.

He wasn't comfortable with the type of care that the valley servantswere giving and took on nursing himself. He was careful and not afraid of getting tired. He wiped down Yue Wuhuan's body and washed his face, fed him medicine and water, and even replaced the bedding to deal with all kinds of filth.

When Yue Wuhuan woke up three days later, he was confused. He didn't know where he was. He stared at the white veil on the top of the bed in a daze for a long time. He finally realized that he was still alive and he hadn't been this relaxed in a long time.

He closed his eyes, faintly recalling the slight fragrance of medicine lingering from his dream and the hands that had gently released all the restraints for him. He took a deep breath. He didn't want to wake up and face the never-ending nightmare.

After who know's how long, Yue Wuhuan threw his eyes open, remembering where he had smelled the fragrance of the medicine. He slowly turned his head and looked at the round table next to him, but saw that Medicine Master Xianzun was attentively making changes to the cursive writings on the table. He was frowning, his expression serious, as if thinking about something bad. There was also a familiar spirit bead in the silver plate next to him, and it became obvious that he had been given to another guest to be played with.

Yue Wuhuan’s phoenix eyes shrank. The rumors of the perverse and evil deeds of the Medicine Master Xianzun appeared in his mind, but he was not afraid. Whether he was willing or unwilling meant nothing under the control of the spirit bead. Besides, his broken body was no longer worthy of being cherished. He took a deep breath, gritted his teeth and struggled to get out of bed, but a sharp pain came from his shoulder, which made him dizzy and he fell right back down. Song Qingshi never had any distractions when he was researching. He heard the movement and found that the patient was awake. He was afraid that Yue Wuhuan might have moved his body and reopened the wound. He quickly reprimanded him with a stern tone: "You, go to bed right away! You are not allowed to get off for ten days!"

This stern technique was a secret taught by the head nurse of the hospital. It had a good effect on treating patients who didn't follow the doctor's advice.

"Ten days?" Yue Wuhuan was stunned. He couldn't help but look at Song Qingshi up and down. The more he looked, the more he felt that his appearance was deceiving. He had been with guests for many years, and he was used to seeing many lustful scenes, but he never would've guessed that this person had such prowess in the bed. . .

Seeing that he hadn't gotten back on the bed, Song Qingshi put down his pen, walked over and picked him up with his own hands.

Yue Wuhuan remained unmoved, stretched out his hand and gently hugged his neck. Hot fingertips touched his cool skin, as smooth as cool jade, and the clear and clean scent of medicine wrapped around him gently like if he was in a dream. Yue Wuhuan couldn't help but shake for a moment. He chasticized his heart for still not knowing how to behave, then resumed his usual posture, and breathed out ambiguously: "I hope that Xianxun will take pity. . ."

"Don't worry, I will." Song Qingshi put him back on the bed carefully, then pulled the blanket up. He wrapped him up tightly, and solemnly told him, "The valley is wet and cold. You have a mortal body so be careful of the cold and stay under the blanket. Keep your hands and feet tucked in and don’t kick off the sheets."

Yue Wuhuan had never seen this trick in bed before and was at a bit of a loss.

"You;re a patient now. Let me tell you about your situation." Song Qingshi turned back to the table, picked up a stack of paper covered with words. He nervously pushed the non-existent glasses on the bridge of his nose, and read with a smile, formulating his tone. "The patient is Yue Wuhuan. There are three lacerations from the right shoulder to the chest, which are 18 cm, 14 cm and 12 cm long. The right shoulder bone is fractured, and the suprascapular artery has been ruptured. The right elbow has a skin contusion. The left and right wrists have skin tissue bruises, the left and right knees are bruised along with the left and right ankle tissue. The buttocks skin has soft tissue lacerations. There are signs of drug abuse in the body and potentially drug addiction. Do you understand?"

Yue Wuhuan only felt that his stiff smile must look increasingly forced. The more he thought about it, the crazier everything seemed. All he could do was nod his head and pretendto understand.

"Very good." Song Qingshi felt that what he said was both detailed and easy to understand, and began to recite the preliminary treatment plan. "Your dantian and meridians have been destroyed, and your body is seriously damaged. Your body is too fragile right now to use stronger medicine, so you cannot take Rejuvenation Pill, Gather Breathe and Disperse Pill, All Creation Pill or the Bone Growth Pill. You need to be treated with mortal medicine first, and then treated with the Six Meridian Rejuvanation medicated bath. Then you'll take the Rising Dragon Pill and Nine Revolution Blood Lotus Pill."

Yue Wuhuan finally understood what he was saying. These pills were common immortal medicines, and he had also taken it when he was seriously injured.

The All Creation Pill and Rising Dragon Pill were worth thousands, and he had heard that the poster of Jape Pearl Tower's Lord had used it for his own treasure.

He didn't know what the Six Meridian Rejuvanation medicated bath was, but the Nine Revolution Blood Lotus Pill was the treasure of the immortal world. It is made of ten thousand year-old blood lotuses. There were only nine in the world and only few know where their locations. He only knew that the master of Xuanji Palace had used it and ascended to Fen Shen; the lord of Fluttering Snow Fortress turned against his Daoist companion and killed him and his wife to win the treasure; one appeared in the Qizhen Pavilion auction, and it was won by the owner of the East Sea Langya Pavilion with hundreds of thousands of high-grade spirit stones. For some reason, Jin FeiRen wasn't able to participate in the auction. He always brought it up as one of the greatest regrets in his life.

If it were described in mortal terms, it would be like saving a beggar on the side of the road and saying that you would give him precious delicacies, golden houses, jade horses, and billions in wealth. FInally, you tell him you'll give him the fade seal of the country and all lands under the heavens. Only an idiot would believe these claims.

Yue Wuhuan laughed but his heart was cold. He basically confirmed that Song Qingshi was just toying with him.

He had also encountered many such sweet talkers, pretending to show compassion for some and pity for others. All he wanted, though, was to coax his slaves to play this game with him. He only lusted after his dirty body, in the end.

Song Qingshi finished off with some final closing words: "Don't worry, as long as you follow the doctor's advice and cooperate with the treatment, you'll be cured."

"Okay," Yue Wuhuan's phoenix eyes showed a bit of flattery, and he replied in a sultry voice: "This slave depend on Xianzun for everything. . ."

"I almost forgot." Song Qingshi looked into his eyes and suddenly remembered something. He put on the animal skin gloves again, picked up a luminous bead the size of a goose egg and placed it in a strange, long, tube-shape lampshade. Then he sat on the side of the bed, leaned over and looked at Yue Wuhuan. He gave him a serious warning: "This may be a little uncomfortable, please bear with me."

Yue Wuhuan smiled self-deprecatingly. He let the phoenix eyes show waves of desire, and he relaxed his body, waiting to be played with.

Song Qingshi stretched out his hand and opened his eyes, illuminating the inside of the eyes with the luminous bead. He carefully observed for a while, then whispered: "The problem of the lacrimal secretion system is not visible on the outside, so I still have to do a colored dye inspection..."

Yue Wuhuan: "???"

[sdvharveybby]

If you are taking requests I was thinking if you could write for the farmer and Harvey in their first everything, like, their first date, first kiss, first... Time👀? ... You know, their first things

Sorry this was so late, but I got into watching Tokyo Ghoul and literally days went by. Great anime by the way! I love watching like gross and terrifying anime’s. Besides Attack on Titan and The Promised Neverland, Tokyo Ghoul is definitely amongst my top favorites.

See how I can’t stop talking once I start?? Anyways, I loved this ask!!! I really really did, it’s just so cute and fluffy. Like a bunch of clouds all piled into one ask. Great idea so thank you for sending this in!

I added in, saying ‘I love you’, holding hands, and getting drunk together lmao I just made them as like... chopped up headcannons because there’s no way I could have added all of this as a story!

Without further ado, hope you enjoyed this! Thank you bby!!

ALSO THIS DOES MENTION THEM DOING THE DIDDLE, OKAY? IT DOES NOT GO INTO DETAIL BUT NSFW ANYWAYS. SORRY BBYS :) (it’s the very last paragraph if you want/need to avoid it)

 Word Count: 1343

First date:

Oh, it’s filled with a lot of laughs. Both Harvey and the farmer share jokes and awkward stories about their lives- mostly to break up potential tension, and to also learn about each other. Harvey figures it’s better than the traditional boring small talk that’s usually made during first dates. Also, considering it’s a small town- they both know the answers to the basic questions normally asked like, “What do you do for a living.” For as how nervous Harvey seems to be- he plays it off quite nice.

He’s also blushy. Mainly because he’s trying to maintain eye contact with a potential love interest, but he loves that feeling! Harvey definitely has a smile on the entire time, and also barely eats his food because he’s so invested in learning about the other person.

But things just happen to him. Without his control- outside forces just want to play on his nervousness. Something like Emily randomly tripping and accidentally spilling his water/wine on him. Then it’s just a brief moment of both Harvey and Emily chaotically trying to wipe up the liquid, Emily feels bad, but the farmer finds it adorable at how much Harvey tries to console Emily, like, “No! Don’t feel bad! It’s not your fault, you didn’t plan for that to happen.” With an awkward smile the whole time.

He does get a bit tipsy during the first date though… and he definitely gets more confident. He’ll start to compliment the farmer in every way he can. He’ll also start to find everything funny, even if it’s not meant to be. He’ll giggle if the farmer drops a spoon or if somebody bumps into them walking by. He can’t help it! But where eye contact was hard for him before, it’s easy now, and he’ll begin to share some of his feelings that he has towards the farmer.

Holding hands:

The first time the farmer and Harvey hold hands is at the Feast of the Winter Star. The brisk cold made the farmer shudder and stick their hands in their coat pockets. It’s with a moment of impulsivity that Harvey reaches his hand into the farmers pocket and entangles his hand with theirs. There’s a brief moment of silence between them until he leans his head closer to theirs and says, “I hope this is all right- I just didn’t want you to be cold.”

He doesn’t seem nervous when doing that though- it was actually a comfortable action for him. It didn’t rely on conversations or him trying to impress the farmer. He just wants them to be happy and warm.

First time getting DRUNK (I just thought this was a funny idea):

First time they ever get drunk together is actually in Harveys apartment. He’s always been good about limiting how much alcohol he drank, but with the rousing conversations the farmer and him had- he wasn’t paying any attention.

They are both star fished onto the floor- heads next to each other just laughing. Either of them would first start a joke or story and get about four words in until they would just start laughing.

It ends that night with actual life related conversations. With barriers down, they begin to share their fears, hopes, and dreams. They learn quite a bit about each other doing this, and they end up falling asleep on the floor, at some point, late into the night.

First kiss:

The farmer initiates this one, mostly because Harvey doesn’t have the slightest idea on how he would approach their first kiss.

They decided to go on a date to the beach to watch the sunset. It wasn’t meant to be anything particularly special, but as they sit on the docks listening to the water rush up on shore and watching the golden sun set- it became special…

As Harvey is in mid story the farmer cuts them off, “Hey, Harvey?” they ask, and he responds with a questioned, “Hmm?” and that’s when the farmer turned his head and kissed him!

At first kiss- it was quick. The farmer took it as initial rejection when Harvey basically became a wooden plank, but a part of him didn’t even know if it was real. His eyes were wide, a deep red blushing his cheeks. It takes him a moment, but he is genuinely ecstatic. He reaches in close placing a hand on the farmers cheek and gives them a deep kiss lasting much longer than their first (eyes closed this time!)

It was just a simple kiss, but to him it meant validation. It meant, ‘They like me as much as I like them.’ He certainly treasured the moment- something he would never forget. Sometimes at night, he remembers this moment and gets so giddy that it becomes hard to sleep.

First ‘I love you’:

This was at the Dance of the Moonlight Jellies event! A sight to behold no matter how many times you’ve seen it.

They stood next to each other on the docks as far out to the water as they could get. It was dark out, but with the moon shining bright, they could vaguely make each other. Once the event began, Harvey and the farmer held hands eyes bright as the jellyfish swam in close. They saw an array of beautiful jellyfish before them, in the background they could hear people breathlessly saying ‘ooo’ and ‘ahh’. An assortment of colors illuminated upon Harvey and the farmer as they both would point out one’s they found particular pretty or cool. Harvey then saw his opportunity and leaned in close to the farmers ear and whispered, “Could I tell you something?” They turned to look at him, watching the colors dance across his face, he wore a soft smile and said, “I love you.” The farmer immediately gave him a big hug whispering, “I love you, too.”

The farmer couldn’t see it, but Harvey had tears brimming his eyes when they reciprocated his love. It made him feel reassured and accepted, another moment he never wanted to forget as they held each other.

First time having sex:

If Harvey couldn’t initiate their first kiss- he sure as hell had no one idea how to properly initiate them having sex for the first time.

The farmer invited Harvey over for dinner one night; something they could do together and enjoy each other’s company. It started off standard, as they’ve done this many times before, but Harvey decided that they should have dinner in front of the fireplace. The night air was cold, and this would be something comfortable for the both of them.

They sat in front of the fireplace as they ate- sharing their usual stories or making up things as they went. It became a great evening for both of them, it seemed it was perfect! When they finished, Harvey stood to clear off the table and before grabbing the farmers plate, he leaned down for a kiss. Something must have been in the air because his initial quick kiss evolved into them passionately kissing amongst the warmth of the fireplace. He set his plate back down on to the table, and they made there way into the bedroom.

Now, they both knew what this would mean, and it being their first time doing this together- they were nervous to say the least. But the passion and drive for one another quickly threw their nerves out of the window. It was a craving to be with each other and it wasn’t long until they made it to the bed… and the rest is history.

Neither of them could properly describe the night they had together. It was riveting, exciting, and loving, but they couldn’t put that into words. It was a night they both shared that memory together, and after they had finished it was left with, “Do we clean off the table now?” “Let’s just do it in the morning.” Sleeping in each other’s arms and soaking in each other’s warmth, nothing could have been better.

[chilling-in-the-dark]

The Batboys As Vampires: Part 1 Bruce Wayne

This is a yandere story; it mentions elements of obsession, possessiveness, death, and it hints at noncon If any of this is triggering for you, I understand, and you don’t have to read it.

Bruce had been given another name when he was ten days old, but he had forgotten it long ago, as was often the case with those of his kind, as they took on new names to blend in often they would forget the ones they were born with.

Bruce’s father had been from a long line of purebred vampires, but he’d veered off tradition when he’d fallen in love with a woman from the Greek village he’d been visiting. Themis (Thomas as Bruce would refer to him much later in life) had been so sure about his love that he’d turned her the night they’d meet, and after a century together, they’d had a son. Bruce was born in Pompeii just eight years before the volcano erupted.

The small family had been happy, that is until the day the volcano blew erupted, his father having been quite old knew what was going to happen as soon as he felt the ground rumble below his feet. They’d sent Bruce on ahead because, at the time, he was still young enough to travel in daylight. After all, the magic in his blood wouldn’t truly sink in until he was older. Typically it was somewhere around age twenty, but Bruce was a bit of a late bloomer and hadn’t turned until he was thirty-five.

Nearly two millennia passed before he’d meet you, Alfred had been by his side for almost all of that time, though seeing as Alfred was one of the first vampires, he chose to serve him. Bruce wasn’t under any illusions the man before him was more powerful the Bruce could ever hope to be, the only reason Alfred listened to Bruce was that he’d chosen to.

Though you didn’t know anything about the dynamics of vampires when you came to be a maid in the Wayne household, it was not the first manor house you’d served in after being born in Victorian London, there had been no other choice for your lot in life. You were the illegitimate daughter of a nobleman, one who couldn’t let your birth sully his good name, so he’d done everything in his power to see that the only place your mother could go was the workhouse. Luckily by the time you were old enough to be put to work, they’d started sending children out to smaller homes where they could be trained in a trade.

For the girls of the workhouse, that meant becoming a domestic servant, while the boy’s learned to be all manner of things, such as tailors and carpenters, among other things you couldn’t quite remember. Having tried your best to suppress all memories of that place, of the cruelty you’d faced there, and of the night’s, you couldn’t sleep because you’d longed for a mother you’d only seen in passing.

You learned quickly why Lord Wayne couldn’t get his servants from the nearby village, some of the more superstitious locals whispered things about him secretly being a monster, but you’d never really believed in things like that. People were monsters enough on their own.

Things had gone well enough for the first year of your service to Lord Wayne, even if it’d taken you a while to get used to doing your job at night, because of Lord Wayne’s apparent allergy to sunlight. He wasn’t the harshest Master you’d ever had; in fact, when it came to his servant’s, he was one of the least strict you’d ever seen, though that isn’t to say he’d tolerate laziness or jobs half done. Still, if a servant finished their work early and did their job well, they were more then welcome to spend their extra time however they liked.

You favored wandering the grounds, though your preferred spot was the pond out back, its calm clear waters mirrored the heavens in such a way that it almost looked like they had fallen to earth. It was there that you spoke Lord Wayne for the first time, sure you’d seen him in passing while doing your work but had never had a conversation with him. Lord Wayne had been sweet and charming, but something about him made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.

Bruce had fallen for you fast, and hard it seemed because, after that first meeting, he’d found himself drawn to you when he’d told this to Alfred the old vampire just smiled. Bruce knew you were meant to be his, and he’d tried to court you the normal way, but it seemed that you were immune to his charms.

It was time for Bruce to move on anyways because the Locals were growing more and more suspicious of him as time went on, so Bruce devised a plan, one that would kill two birds with one stone.

It was a few months later that Bruce informed his staff that he was going to America where he intended to be the founder of a new city, Gotham, he’d planned on calling it. Lord Wayne had written all of his staff recommendations, nearly everyone except for you. You watched as your colleges found new employment and left one by one until you were the only member of staff left. Well, there was Alfred, but Lord Wayne intended to take with him to America.

You made you your mind to confront him about it as soon as you finished your duty’s today, only you never got the chance to because Lord Wayne appeared before you in the familiar servants’ quarters, just as you were getting ready to start your work. Your face turned beet red when you looked over at him and found that he was naked as the day he was born.

“My Lord, what are you doing?” you squeaked and tried to turn away from the scene only for Bruce to grab your chin with near bruising force and make you look into his eyes. The vibrant blue of his eyes seemed to be replaced by a glowing purple, which you found yourself praying was just the moonlight playing tricks on your eyes, because the rumors around town about him being some sort of demon couldn’t possibly be true, could they?

You didn’t get long to linger that thought; as a second later, you had much bigger things to worry about, like the fact you couldn’t even control your own body. You stood there frozen in place until Lord Wayne took your hand and started to lead you down the stairs and through the main door, all the while your mind was screaming at you. Why was this happing to you? This was just a bad dream right, any moment now, you’d wake up in a cold sweat and let yourself have a laugh about allowing the rumors get in your head.

After what seemed like an eternity, you stopped before the small pond where you’d first spoken to Bruce. Tonight, it seemed as if someone had scattered an entire kitchens worth of herbs across its typically mirror-like surface, but you didn’t have long to take it in as Bruce removed your cap and unpinned your hair. When he was satisfied he’d gotten all the pins out, Bruce grabbed your bodice and tore it clean in half shift, corset and all leaving your upper body exposed to him while the lower half was still mercifully covered by your petticoats.

If you could move, you’d be shivering, and not only from to chill that always seemed to invade the air around your Master. Though you could still cry, it seemed as tears started to stream down your face as he removed the last of your garments. This was worse than anything you’d ever been forced to endure.

Satisfied with his work Bruce turned his attention back to the pond, he used his fangs to draw a single drop of his own blood, letting it fall into the water, watching as it died the whole pond red. He smiled with satisfaction, but if you could move, you’d be trembling with fear.

Satisfied with the condition of the water, Bruce turned to look at you and produced another drop of blood using the same method as before; he was old enough that a single drop of blood is all it’d take. Vampires had to be at least two hundred before they gained the power to turn another, but the older they were, the more potent their blood would become, and the less it would take.

Still not knowing what was happing, you found your mouth opening against your will so that Bruce could force his blood into your mouth. It tasted acidic, and it burned as it went down your throat. The second the blood settled in your stomach, you could feel that something was wrong, but you couldn’t tell what.

Bruce smiled, knowing that in a few days’ time, you’d be fully turned and by his side forever. Bruce took you by the hand and lead you into the water, where he’d perform the ritual that would tie your souls together for all eternity.

That night you lost everything, your innocence, your hope, and worst of all, your humanity.

Tags:

@yanderepeterparker​

@idkmanicantenglish​

@prettyafghan

@neon-phosphorecsent​

[rhubarbed-triangle]

Dream SMP and the Major Arcana

Hello! I've recently been learning about tarot cards and readings and I realized that there's a lot of parallels between the characters on the Dream SMP and the major arcana cards. I'm not an expert on the cards, so feel free to let me know if there's a character you think would fit that card better or there's a better explanation somewhere.

For the card definitions, I used this website: https://labyrinthos.co/blogs/tarot-card-meanings-list

I also tried to pick characters for cards that embodied both the upright and reverse meanings as a whole. These descriptions are also all about the characters and not the creators themselves.

The World - Dream and the SMP, could also include the community house

Since The World card signifies community, unification, and traveling, it would make sense that Dream would represent The World. His whole motivation as a character is that he wants the SMP to be unified into one big happy family. And the world is named after him, after all.

Judgement - Jack

The Judgement card represents reflection, reckoning, but when in reverse, also represents self loathing and doubt. The way Jack blames Tommy for his misfortunes but has a change in heart when he finds out Tommy died is the kind of self reflection present in Judgement. And when Tommy comes back and Jack realizes how he meant to Tommy (even if it's not a true reading of the situation), he switches back to trying to hurt Tommy as much as he hurt him. His judgement of Tommy seals both Tommy's and Jack's fate.

The Sun - Foolish, Sapnap

The Sun represents celebration, joy, success. I really don't have a solid connection to the characters here, but it feels like both Foolish and Sapnap could fit this card.

The Moon - Antfrost, Connor

The Moon represents unconsciousness, illusions, and intuition. The Moon reversed is all about confusion, fear, and misinterpretation. When Antfrost was controlled by the Egg, he did his fair share of spreading the fear and showing that the Egg was nothing to be messed with. When he wasn't corrupted, he had a great sense of knowing how the Eggpire was in the wrong even if they didn't have control over their actions. The same could be said with Connor. Connor is one of the only characters of the SMP that seems to know more than what he lets on, getting into shenanigans that others would deem noncanonical.

The Star - Ponk

The Star represents a sense of hope and rejuvenation, and in reverse represents faithlessness and insecurity. The faith that Ponk holds/held for members of the Eggpire before he was corrupted, trying to keep an eye on them, faking being corrupted, as well as the fact that knowing that all of Sam's misdeeds will catch up to him but he'd have a place for Sam to stay regardless embodies the Star's hope.

The Tower - Eret, Eret's Tower, L'Manberg to an extent

The Tower represents sudden change, disaster, and broken pride, but it doesn't necessarily have to be bad. The sudden change from Eret switching sides in the fight for L'Manberg independence was a significant change both for them and for L'Manberg. Still, L'Manberg bounced back, much like Eret did later on when they truly regretted their betrayal. The reverse Tower represents avoided or delayed disaster. The fact that L'Manberg was rebuilt twice after being destroyed until it was destroyed for good just delayed what seemed like the inevitable.

The Devil - Schlatt

Seems self-explanatory, but I can explain just in case. The Devil represents addiction and materialism while the reverse represents freedom and restoring control. Schlatt saw himself rising to power in L'Manberg as freeing the city of the tyranny of the previous rulers. Not to mention, he was heavily involved in many addictions during his life.

Temperance - Ranboo

Patience, the middle ground, and finding meaning is represented by Temperance. Ranboo is one of the most neutral characters on the SMP, and even when he does get wrapped into fighting for a side, he tries to remain as under the radar as possible, not wanting to give any more reason for others to attack. This is apparent with how he's treating Tubbo's outpost outside Las Nevadas versus how Tubbo is treating the outpost as well as dealing with living double lives in the Syndicate and at Snowchester.

Death - Wilbur/Revivebur

Death is the end of a cycle, a metamorphosis into something new, but Death in reverse can also mean stagnation and a fear of change. The way Wilbur's character changes throughout the SMP's history, taking many forms, greatly mimics the political changes as well as meta changes to the SMP. But at the same time, Revivebur has a similar mentality to S1 Wilbur while the rest of the server has moved on without him.

The Hanged Man - Tommy

The Hanged Man is a tragic card, representing sacrifice and martyrdom but in reverse also represents needless sacrifice. The way that Tommy is continually pushed to sacrifice more and more of the things and people he loves may be seen as needless. He could also be interpreted as a martyr when he died in prison as his death marks a shift in the SMP, especially shown in how people reacted when the news broke out.

Justice - Sam

As the warden of the server, Sam represents the law. But the Justice card is more than that. It's cause and effect, truth, clarity. Sam sees things in very black and white: either you're a good person who does good things or you're a bad person who does bad things. The way he's confused when Ponk mentions that all the bad things he's done will catch up to him shows that Sam doesn't think of himself as a bad person and thus couldn't have done anything bad. Justice in reverse also signifies unfairness and unaccountability like the fact that Sam allowed Quackity to visit Dream despite knowing what was going on.

Wheel of Fortune - Karl

The Wheel of Fortune is about cycles of good and bad fortune as well as inevitable fate. The fact that Karl has no choice when he time travels and still must pay the price for it every time fits very well.

The Hermit - Fundy

While most think of The Hermit card as isolation and loneliness, the Hermit also represents inner guidance and seeking the truth. As Fundy is guided by his dreams, he tries to glean the meaning from what they show him. He even isolates himself in the hope that the dreams wouldn't happen anymore (which can be interpreted as he hoped he found the truth about them). Even before he was having dreams, he would isolate himself from the rest of the SMP for periods of time like after the destruction of L'Manberg for the final time.

Strength - Technoblade

While physically strong and confident in terms of his artillery, Techno is insecure in his loyalties with other members of the SMP, as in, he can't fight with words. The two most common ways of fighting, with words and charisma and with brute force, both show up in Techno but as extremely unbalanced. The dichotomy between Strength's physical power and the insecurity in its reverse matches well with Techno's strengths and weaknesses.

The Chariot - Niki

The Chariot represents direction and control, movement, but in reverse can also signify aggressiveness or lack of control. Niki is a very motivated character. She knows what she wants and she will get it. She also knows how other people may feel about what's going on, and she can recruit them to her side. When she knows what she wants, she will get it, but sometimes may lose control of the situation.

The Lovers - Bad and Skeppy

The Lovers card doesn't necessarily have to mean romantic ties between two or more people, the card can also mean partnerships and duality, and in reverse, can mean one-sidedness. The fact that it was implied that the reason Bad is only with the Egg is because of Skeppy and that Dream was planning on locking Skeppy up in his vault to control Bad shows that these two are connected on a much deeper level than most of the other pairs on the SMP. Not to mention, when both Bad and Skeppy were corrupted, it was pretty evident that only Bad cared about their relationship in a one-sided way.

The Hierophant - Tubbo

The Hierophant represents tradition and conformity, morality and ethics while in reverse represents subversiveness and rebellion. Tubbo fights between the good for those he loves and the good for all. This is especially prevalent when he had to choose between Tommy or between L'Manberg. Tubbo also fights between tradition, like when he was president, and disregarding tradition when that doesn't work, like with Snowchester.

The Emperor - Philza

The Emperor embodies authority, fatherhood, structure while also meaning ridigity and coldness in reverse. It's no secret that Philza is seen as a father figure in the SMP. Even to characters that he hasn't fathered, his word and stance on things are taken into great consideration. People trust his authority. Not to mention, he is associated with cold, snowy climates.

The Empress - Captain Puffy

The Empress signifies motherhood, nature, healing. Puffy is another figure on the SMP that is seen as parental. Like Phil, despite not being an official parent to many characters, her word and authority is trusted. She has opened a therapy office to help others heal. She is powerful enough where she is a genuine threat to the Eggpire while also remaining approachable enough for Tommy to seek her out for help.

The High Priestess - George

The High Priestess is very spiritual, very in tune with intuition and the unconscious/inner voice. The fact that George gets messages in his dreams which have included conversations with an inner voice/consciousness is about as blatantly High Priestess as one can get. He is also one, if not the only, character on the SMP that is friends with Dream XD, the god of the server.

The Magician - Quackity

The Magician is a master at getting what they want, seemingly making something out of nothing. The card represents willpower, desire but also trickery and illusionment when in reverse. Quackity, like Niki, knows what he wants, but unlike Niki, Quackity can get the outcome he wants by any means necessary, never losing control of the situation. People will listen to him, it's just taken him multiple different attempts to drive that point across.

The Fool - Charlie, Ghostbur

The Fool represents innocence and new beginnings but when in reverse, can also signify being taken advantage of and inconsideration. Both Charlie and Ghostbur have an air of innocence about them, that they could do no wrong, but for different reasons. Charlie simply doesn't know any better as he has no basis for what is normal, so he can't recognize when he's being taken advantage of. Charlie is also a slime that has been given a second shot at life as a human. Ghostbur simply can't remember the wrong he's done and thus can't atone for it, hurting those he loves further. Ghostbur also is Wilbur's literal rebirth into someone new.

Like I said, feel free to make corrections or additions. I'm sure there are more parallels elsewhere that I missed.

:D

[eretzyisrael]

What We Can Do About It

Last week I explained How They Did It, how the enemies of Israel – the Arabs, the Soviets, the international Left, and others – turned much of the West against us. What can we do about it?

I concentrated on the ‘softer’ aspects of cognitive warfare, such as the infiltration of higher education and international organizations like NGOs and UN agencies, corporations, the use of social media, the exploitation of minorities with grievances, and the support of public antisemites (e.g., Ilhan Omar). But we should keep in mind that more kinetic actions can also have primarily cognitive objectives. The PLO’s European terrorism during the 1970s paved the way for its conversion from a gang of despicable terrorists into a member of the UN, and for murderer and thief Yasser Arafat to become a “statesman.” The 9/11 attacks against the US changed the media portrayal of its Arab and Muslim citizens from “billionaires, bombers, and belly dancers” to hardworking citizens who are targets for islamophobic hatred (this is not the case with Jews, despite the fact that Jews are far more likely to be the victims of hate crimes today).

Terrorism works on various levels, but on the deepest, visceral one it creates paralyzing fear, which the mind – still subconsciously – tries to rationalize away by distancing itself from the victims and identifying with the terrorists. “Don’t kill me, I am on your side!” the terrorized mind shouts. “I’m one of the good ones!” (e.g, a “Jew for Palestine”).

The counterattack has to be planned, coordinated, and specifically targeted in all of the arenas, soft and hard, in which cognitive war is being waged against us. This is something the State of Israel has never come close to doing. Our efforts at public diplomacy have often been most charitably described as a bad joke, like the campaign to advertise Israel as a destination for gay tourism(“Come to Israel! We have nice beaches and we won’t hang you!”) At best we are reactive, responding to vicious accusations of war crimes, apartheid, and other depravities, usually long after the damage has been done. And we often ignore the cognitive implications of our actions, or the lack thereof.

It won’t be easy. Organized support for anti-Israel organizations (including those connected with terrorism) has been going on for decades, with millions of dollars annually flowing from sources like the George Soros organizationsand the European Union. Social media, especially, is constantly changing and new battlefields appear almost daily. Everywhere you look (e.g., Wikipedia) there is anti-Israel bias. And for every pro-Israel activist there are ten, or a hundred, attacking us.

An effective cognitive counterattack must have two parts: how we speak to the world, and – most important – how we act. Let me take the second part first.

There are basic human instincts that precede the ideas expressed in the UN charter by hundreds of thousands of years. Our actions must affect those instincts in a way that will cause others to respect us, and our enemies to fear us. I am not suggesting that we follow the example of the PLO and hijack planes in Europe, but our response to terrorism and threats from enemy countries (e.g., Iran) can be designed to have the appropriate effect. Humans are attracted to strength. They want to be on the side that’s stronger. They talk about the importance of moral and legal principles, but they bet on the winner. Our actions should radiate power and control, and even ruthlessness.

For example, no terrorist should survive his attack. Israeli security forces and the individuals involved have been sharply criticized, both by Israelis and others, for the “Bus 300 affair” in 1984, when two captured terrorists were executed in the field after interrogation. My contention is that this action sent exactly the right message, both to our enemies – “don’t try this or you will die” – and to the rest of the world – “Israel does not tolerate terrorism against her citizens.”

Our pusillanimous responses to Hamas, which has on numerous occasions killed Israelis and which today holds two Israeli citizens and the bodies of two soldiers hostage, is supposed to be justified for practical reasons, but is a total failure from the standpoint of cognitive warfare. When Israel bombs an unoccupied Hamas installation after arson balloons or even rockets from Gaza have burned crops or damaged buildings, the message that is sent is that we are too weak to protect ourselves. When our citizens are held captive while we supply electricity and water to the Gaza Strip, the message is that Hamas is in control, not Israel. I understand the limitations of our power, as viewed by the IDF, but I believe that they are not weighing the cognitive aspects of the question heavily enough.

Recently, the IDF demolished the home of a terrorist murderer, a citizen of the PA who was also an American citizen, despite a request from the US State Department to desist. This was the correct action from the cognitive point of view, sending the message that Israel is a sovereign state which controls Judea/Samaria, and which does not tolerate terrorism. On the other hand, the continued presence of the illegal Bedouin settlement of Khan al-Ahmar as a result of pressure from the EU and the UN tells the world that Israel does not control the land.

Our greatest enemy is Iran, whose regime has explicitly threatened to destroy us on numerous occasions and is developing nuclear weapons. There are obviously multiple considerations that play into choosing the best response, from a pre-emptive strike on her nuclear installations to a continuation of the campaign of sabotage that Israel has been waging for the last few years. Cognitively, the best approach is the one that publicly demonstrates that Israel has the power to destroy the installations, regardless of the distance or their fortification. This could be a massive aerial attack, or it could be covert action that is made public after the fact. The worst case is that we refrain from taking action because of pressure from the US.

In the soft realm, one priority is to put an end to Israel’s self-imposed cognitive failures. There is no reason that Israelis should be allowed to act as paid agents of the EU or the international Left, as is the case with B’Tselem and numerous other anti-state organizatons. There is a weakly enforced law that requires Israeli NGOs that receive half of their funding from foreign governments to report that, on penalty of a relatively small fine; and even that was opposed by the Left and the Arab parties in the Knesset. It is absurd that these groups should be allowed to operate in Israel. All foreign funding – private or governmental – for political NGOs should be forbidden, period. Representatives of foreign NGOs hostile to Israel should not be allowed into the country.

Speaking of Arab parties, there is a Basic Law that says that in order to run for election to the Knesset, a candidate or list must not “[negate] the existence of the State of Israel as a Jewish and democratic state.” This law is interpreted loosely by the Supreme Court, so that Arabs who do precisely that can sit in the Knesset. That must end.

Israel has military censorship, which sometimes makes us look foolish when foreign publications are revealing details that Israelis are not allowed to read or hear from their own media, but at the same time, the Ha’aretz newspaper is allowed to attack the state, day in and day out, often using material from the foreign-funded NGOs. Foreign propaganda outlets make good use of it, saying “even Israelis admit…” This is unacceptable; it borders on treason, and it must stop.

There is a place for traditional hasbara, explanation, or presentation of the news from the viewpoint of the state. I am not sure why everyone is entitled to an opinion and a platform from which to broadcast it, while the state is not. Why not a government TV/radio/Internet news outlet, staffed with professionals who could respond immediately and accurately to false accusations? Doing this properly, so that it would be both authoritative and not boring, would be expensive and require high quality personnel that would not be easy to find; but it is worth doing.

Much of what I have suggested will be criticized because “it violates human rights” or it is “antidemocratic,” or similar things. I don’t disagree. But the idea that Israel has to be a paragon of human rights and democracy is wrong. It is an expression of the antisemitic idea that Jews must always be held to the highest of standards – indeed, to a standard that is continually raised so as to always be out of reach. Israel is not a Platonic ideal state; it is not even the United States. It is a tiny nation with no strategic depth that is surrounded by enemies who themselves violate every standard of civilized behavior. National survival is more important than human rights – especially when those defining the concept of human rights are indifferent (or worse) to our survival.

Abu Yehuda

[idreamtofmanderleyagain]

Morality-Focused Frameworks Of Discussion As Acts of Control

This is a post in response to a larger conversation I’ve been having with @eshusplayground. I have a perspective that I think would be really relevant to the conversation but I also don’t want to derail the specific focus of the following posts she’s been making recently.

(Trigger Warning For Abuse Discussion and Brief Mentions of Rape)

---

So I’m in the Hellraiser fandom. More specifically, I’m a Pinhead/Kirsty shipper.

For those of you that don’t know, Pinhead is a demonic torturer from hell who’s design is inspired by the BDSM community. Characters who open a magical puzzle box have unknowingly given themselves away to his violent underworld community of eternal torment and depravity. Hellraiser is a film about romantic and sexual horror, and there’s quite a lot in there about abuse and trauma. Kirsty is a traumatized person, and in my personal opinion, very likely a CSA victim.

And I ship these two characters together.

So the subject matter of my particular fandom is extremely intense and niche and complicated to navigate, although YMMV (I have no trouble with this franchise, but I cannot really handle GOT or American Horror Story, for example). After I grew interested in Hellraiser and integrated into it’s fandom, my perspectives about the way we have conversations about villainous characters started to have a major shift.

I often see people have these intense conversations (and arguments) about where a particular character exists on a moral scale, with the subtext (or outright text) that if they tip too far one way or another, they can be rendered unworthy of their own subgroup of fans within their own fandom. People who love those characters or find them shippable are then subject to moral judgements.

So how does one apply such logic to a psychosexual torture demon?

The answer is you can’t.

The frameworks people online use to have these discussions do not make any sense when talking about my fandom. Hellraiser is a dark horror fairytale presenting disturbing, surreal images and behaviors in order to discuss complex and difficult experiences and perspectives. The monsters within it, like Pinhead, are more metaphor than anything.

Now, my follower count is too low and my fandom is too niche for me to really be on the receiving end of a lot of the cruelty that manifests online about the moral validity of the fiction I enjoy. That said, between the anti-kink TERFS and the younger folks involved in purity culture on this site, I can imagine exactly what it would look like. You know what they would look like.

“You’re an Abuse Apologist!”

“You’re an Abuse Fetishist!”

“You’re reinforcing sexism!”

“he’s an irredeemable torturer, you’re probably okay with literal real world rape lmao uwu”

“This is bad kink representation and you’re complicit in the abuse real men do to women because you like this!”

Now, setting aside the fact that the canon lore context of Pinhead involves him having a human soul brainwashed by a monster god to become what he is, and is also in a roundabout sense “redeemed” in canon, I think most people utilizing this kind of framework would assume that I believe Pinhead can be redeemed in the way online Discourse (tm) means it, because that’s how we talk in fandom about the villains we really like.

I do not want to redeem Pinhead. I don’t think he even needs redeeming. I don’t even see value in that conversation at all. Redemption is not a concept that makes sense for what he is, or what he could become as a character. The framework of Pinhead as a Real-World-Equivalent Human Male Abuser who Cannot Be Redeemed From His Actions would inevitably dominate all conversation, regardless of the fact that it is inherently incorrect and detrimental to real, robust literary analysis of the narrative he exists within and how brilliantly it actually interacts with male on female abuse as a subject. By nature of it’s gross oversimplification and misrepresentation, It ruins the potential for greater, more nuanced and complex conversations.

And that’s the thing: my engagement with this particular story and it’s characters has a lot to do with the potential in the narrative to examine how trauma interacts with love, desire and gender politics. Hellraiser has a very unique way of exploring that kind of subject through a storytelling aesthetic that appeals to me (horror/fairytale, gothic romance, etc).

This is about to get personal, so strap the fuck in.

I am the victim of gendered abuse, in that I had an emotionally abusive step father and sexism was absolutely a factor in why that manifested the way it did. I am also a second hand victim of gendered abuse, in that my biological father was a serial stalker and rapist, and other male abusers (or just self-centered family members) caused severe emotional destabilization in my childhood. I grew up viewing adult men as unstable, selfish children. My family endured a lot, and I came to resent the men in my mother’ life for not taking on the role of protector and nurturer when she needed them most. I had discovered the great lie of traditional masculinity: in the face of real crisis, grown men were not protectors. They did not hold together the domestic space. They abused or faltered and abandoned us. This was a repeated pattern among several men in different roles. I was often left picking up all the pieces, taking on roles as a child that these men could not. I had to have strength they did not.

My experience of desire for romantic intimacy with men and men in roles of stable, nurturing authority now inherently involves a jumbled emotional soup of fear, pain, and a deep longing that comes from a place of feminine vulnerability, a desire to be taken care of instead of being the caretaker.

The narrative of Hellraiser pushes a lot of buttons for me. It speaks to my own trauma experiences in a very specific way. In an effort to further that conversation, I’m trying to create a piece of art (a fic) inspired by the deeply personal feelings this film gives me.

For me, Pinhead represents the Jungian shadow masculine, a simultaneous mix of fear and desire, the potential for suffering and pleasure, and everything in between. These experiences are inherently intertwined for me. And Kirsty’s experiences mirror many of my own.

In other words, in order for me to get out of Hellraiser what I get out of Hellraiser, Pinhead has to be exactly what he is, and everything that he is. Which includes monstrosity. Which includes the potential for change. His place in the narrative must fully, truly embody this conversation I need to have with masculinity, which inherently involves painful, scary things.

Anybody demanding that I either denounce my interest in him as morally offensive because he’s a monster in the full sense of the word (and not just the aesthetic one like what is currently trending in Monster Boyfriend fandom), or force a traditional redemption arc upon him as if he were a real life human person who must repent for his real life sins, are essentially saying that I am not allowed to engage with this work of fiction in a way that is transformative for me. And that’s very unfortunate, because honestly, I think my perspective is so much more dynamic and has so much more to offer.

This is not just about basic catharsis. This is not even a power fantasy about emotionally transforming a powerful (white) dude, or “bad boy” fantasies, both standard arguments for villain stanning that feels like it has never truly represented me or the complexity of my experiences and interests. This is a full-on conversation and act of self expression I want to have through art about the experience of fear and trauma when dealing with men as a woman who desires men.

And I don’t think a person has to be traumatized in order to want to engage with this type of fiction. I want to be clear that my experience is not a justification for my interest (I do not need to justify myself), it is an example of a perspective that gets erased by the framework of these conversations.

To me, the framework of moral validity for enjoying fictional villains and monsters and whatever you please feels incredibly stifling to the complex, dynamic ideas and analysis that I want to engage in, because I, and many people I know, are consistently pressured to structure their thoughts with this framework as the only acceptable baseline of discussion. This is so ubiquitous that when people I’ve known have tried to engage in ways that diverge from that framework, the responses they get are outright confused or direct the conversation right back to the original framework they tried to avoid. Complex conversation gets steamrolled.

Somewhere in the conversation we were all having about acknowledging and discussing abuse and oppression, and acknowledging troubling patterns in media which reinforce the normalization of abuse and opression, some people decided that there was a very serious moral discussion to be had regarding the mere act of liking things which involve dark subject matter and complex, or even monstrous characters. They now argue that there are very clear cut, simple moral frameworks for A) telling stories and B) enjoying stories, and most importantly, that this moral framework is a valid justification for the social treatment and silencing of certain people.

A framework, by the way, which I think is actually not functionally a framework, because like the toxic American fundamentalist christian groups it’s thinking is structured from, it does not account for the vastly diverse moral landscape within it’s own space. There is no objectively consistent body of knowledge anybody is working from, because morals are derived from the human experience, which is inherently subjective.

Interestingly, no where does this have more of an impact than with marginalized people, and people like me, who want to express something deeper and more meaningful in the conversation about abuse and oppression than what this framework really offers us. To be honest, The more I see this kind of conversation making the rounds, the clearer it becomes that it’s a means of control and power game playing. It’s not about morality, but about how morality can be leveraged in order to silence truly diverse and nuanced perspectives and uphold people’s sense of self-comfort. It is a means of supplanting more convenient and easily digestible understandings of these highly complex subjects that require more intensive, thoughtful engagement, especially when it gets challenging. This kind of rhetoric absolves people of making room for complex and diverse experiences, and reinforces an (at face-value) easy to follow set of moral rules of how we are all allowed to think and feel.

The implication of all of this is that if we all adhere to the One True (alleged) Moral Framework of Fandom Engagement, then we will somehow come out on the other side with all the Good People having a Great Time having Squeaky Clean Fun. And I don’t think I should have to tell you at this point how stifling and disturbing the implications of that kind of mentality really are.

 Quite frankly, I think a lot of us are very tired of constantly speaking on other people’s terms.