#and that this training is the start of achieving that

[inaccuracyinsocialmedia]

A bunch of shit on here won't "sunrise" until 2026, so good fucking luck to all of us.

Biden absolutely abandoned the American working class by choosing the fed over regular people. he allowed corporations to spike inflation via price gouging.

even as wages rise, they still aren't keeping up with inflation--even as that slows down.

He also kicked millions off of medicaid (including myself)--at the beginning of the election year. he allowed the very popular child tax credits to expire.

like, it's insane that I can point out how Biden has made several thousand dollars poorer this year.

it's insane.

and don't get me started on student debt. he didn't forgive one shiny nickel of student debt. those policies were set in place long before he took office. he just talked a little bit about it, got some mild pushback folded like a cheap suit.

like, do really expect me to believe that the guy who represents CreditCardStan to really give a shit about ordinary people?

furthermore, you can see the moment when biden's numbers collapse like a rickety old man when he prioritized Ukraine over the United States. later he did the same shit with Israel. Israel gave face to the lie that the aid to ukraine was about saving democracy or some shit. no, it was about inflicting as much misery as possible. a year into the ukraine war there was a train derailment and an airborne toxic even in east palestine pennsylvania. trump visited the town less than three weeks later. biden visited the town a YEAR later.

but yeah sure we're idiots for not idolizing achievements that are bracketed with walls of caveats and fine print. yeah sure we're idiots for believing what we see with our own eyes and not the propaganda being fed us. the problem isn't us. the problem is that you fuckers back the shittiest candidates with the shittiest policies because you are just interested in seeing how low you can set the bar and watch us bow and scrape as we crawl under it.

fuck you.

dropping this here

[ohe-ohe]

Linemates to Lifemates: A Hockey Love Story

Newlywed PWHL stars Laura Stacey and Marie-Philip Poulin navigate the complications of marriage and career

By Devin Heroux, CBC Sports, Nov. 21, 2024

When you walk into the Montreal home of Marie-Philip Poulin and Laura Stacey, one of the first things you’ll notice is that there’s not much to suggest the couple are two of the greatest hockey players in the world today. 

They aren’t the type of people to boast about their long list of achievements. 

Their two-storey abode, with a spiraling glass staircase, is tucked on a quiet suburban street, located off-island away from the hustle and bustle of downtown. Purchased three years ago, it’s the perfect place to keep a low profile. 

There are no trophies, plaques or medals on display that showcase the Olympic and world championships they’ve collected. No photos or banners of their hockey triumphs. Those are reserved for Arlo, a golden retriever that is their pride and joy. 

There’s an Arlo treat jar. An Arlo candle. At their wedding in late September the napkins at each table were adorned with Arlo photos. He features prominently on their social media

Their home, in many ways, resembles how these newlyweds and PWHL Montreal Victoire teammates have lived their lives. They’ve been intentional about hiding from the spotlight, hiding their love, and hiding the most intimate parts of their lives. 

Over the past year that’s started to change.

[whole article below]

Sitting in their living room on an October afternoon just before they begin training camp for a second season, the two share what this has all been like, including now being part of a true pro women’s hockey league, something they wondered and many before them wondered would ever happen in their lifetime.   

“Being able to say we're professional women's hockey players, it's pretty amazing,” Poulin says. “And seeing little girls wanting to be there one day is better than we ever expected. And we don't take it for granted.”

Nor do they take for granted the freedom they have to live their lives as they wish.

“This is probably the most myself I've ever been,” Poulin says. “Being myself, having the community, family and friends embracing me, embracing us, embracing this new team. And it doesn't matter who you love, it's who you are. And I think that's the best part about it.”

It hasn’t been easy for many who have come before them. Twenty-six years ago in Nagano when women’s hockey debuted as an official Olympic sport, some media coverage focused more on the sexual orientation of the players than the competition.

But relationships among athletes are slowly gaining a normality in women’s pro sports. In 2021, married couple Allie Quigley and Courtney Vandersloot won a WNBA championship with the Chicago Sky, and they are just one of many couples in the league. 

Women’s sports is undergoing a transformative expansion — new leagues, more money and investment, increased media coverage — and the story of teammates as couples is only going to become more common.

“I've always been the hockey player. But I have a wife and I can be myself. People are coming to the rink and saying thank you for allowing me to be myself,” Poulin says. 

Stoic and composed in a hockey arena, Poulin’s eyes well up as she talks about their September wedding. Stacey sits beside her, Arlo on the couch. Tears are streaming down Poulin's cheeks and she hides her face under her black ball cap. 

“She’s a crier,” Stacey says, rubbing her hand along Poulin’s back, filling the space between tears as Poulin tries to compose herself. 

Poulin, 33, has kept who she really is buried for years, shoved away in the depths of all that she is. She was only going to let people know her as this great hockey player who comes up clutch in the biggest moments.

Poulin is the only hockey player in history to have scored in four Olympic gold-medal games. Her heroics in the 2014 Olympic final — tying the game with a late goal and then winning it in overtime against the United States to capture gold — put her in a category all by herself. She’s been seemingly unstoppable for years. 

Stacey, 30, found a way to break through that tough exterior, to strike at the heart of all the things that matter to Poulin. 

“She puts up that front of, ‘I'm the hockey player’. That's all people see and have seen of her,” Stacey says. “The world knows her as the best hockey player in the world, but they don't know her as the best person in the world as well. 

“And I've been fortunate enough to see that but now for the world to see that too, it's pretty special.”

If Poulin has helped make Stacey a better hockey player, Stacey has assisted Poulin in living her most authentic life. 

And in a lot of ways, they have become bigger than the game.

Their late-September wedding at Le Peaches and Cream in Low, Que., is described by many of the 192 family members and friends who were in attendance as the perfect day. Poulin and Stacey both call it “the best day of their lives” — an epic celebration of life and love, the culmination of a relationship that began in 2017 when they locked eyes while swimming at a Team Canada event at Blue Mountain in southern Ontario.

Stacey had just competed in her first world championship, Poulin a decorated champion many times over. They were teammates, but they didn’t really know a lot about one another. 

“A few of us decided to go skinny dipping in the pool at 2 a.m.” Stacey says. “The two of us looked up into the sky at the same time and we saw a shooting star. Our eyes met and we asked each other if we just saw that. Nobody else in the pool saw it or knew what was going on but we saw it. For the rest of that night it was a weird feeling. I had a feeling.

“We always go back to that moment. Even in my wedding vows, that was the thing — that she was the wish I had always dreamed of and I didn’t realize it until now.”

Poulin, who’s happy to take a backseat to Stacey’s storytelling, jumps in. 

“You should have seen the skyline the weekend of our wedding. It was so bright and magical. Stars everywhere. I believe in those little signs,” she says.

It was an idyllic setting for the two to share their vows, with vibrant, fall-coloured trees, expansive fields of lush green grass and breathtaking sunsets surrounding a barn-like building. There was a fire pit too, and on the eve of the big day, all of their friends gathered around the flames, sharing stories, drinks and laughs. 

The crescendo came during the late-night dance party, when Poulin and Stacey had changed out of their stunning white dresses and into matching white pant suits, joyously leaping around to Celine Dion’s It's All Coming Back to Me Now.

With everyone surrounding them in a big circle, Poulin and Stacey jumped up and down, shouting, smiling. “Baby, baby, baby,” they sang, swept away in a moment that quickly went viral on social media.

It’s pretty remarkable considering Poulin and Stacey are the last of a generation that had to play on all-boys teams.

“I dreamed of playing for the Leafs because that’s all I knew. And that wasn’t possible but it’s the only thing I saw,” Stacey says. 

No longer. They are now what young girls see — Olympic champions as teammates in 2022, twice as world champions — and working toward a championship as linemates on the Montreal Victoire.

Before they were even in this position the two had to navigate free agency ahead of the new beginning for the PWHL.

All six teams were able to select three players ahead of the league’s inaugural player draft on Sept. 18, 2023. Hometown hero Poulin was always going to Montreal — that was never in question. But would her then-fiancee and national teammate also be part of that deal?

And that was just it. Poulin and Stacey made it very clear throughout the entire process they were not a package deal — and didn’t want to be considered one.

“It was really, really hard on me,” Stacey says. “I had conversations with all of the GMs and stated that I'm only coming or only want to be drafted by you if you actually want me as a person and a player.

“Obviously there's always those thoughts that go through your head that they're only taking me or they're only asking me to sign early because they want her.”

Stacey even considered skipping free agency just so that she’d be part of a draft and not have to endure being favoured because she was Poulin’s partner. 

“We did have those hard conversations, the two of us sitting here and seeing what was going to happen,” Poulin says. “There was no package deal. And that was something that we take a lot of pride in. I'm myself, she's herself.”

Enter Montreal Victoire general manager Danièle Sauvageau. She’s been part of women’s hockey for decades and was head coach when Canada’s women won gold at the 2002 Salt Lake City Olympics. 

Sauvageau was deliberate in making sure Stacey and Poulin were treated like two separate players, with separate conversations with each.

“For me it was important that the choice was made individually,” Sauvageau says. “Is she going to think we value her because of the context of her private life? We had to ask that question. I wanted to do the exercise to show her that wasn’t the reason. I wanted to sign her.”

Sauvageau says their decision to pick Poulin and goalie Ann-Renée Desbiens was easy, but choosing their third and final free agent was a process. They had a five-player wishlist. Stacey was on that list — and they weren’t going to roll the dice on missing out on her. 

“When you look at Stacey the last two or three years — the best line of Team Canada — she never gives up," Sauvageau says. “She brings a lot of energy. She’s a student of the game.

“We just didn’t want to lose her.”

Inside their home there’s a warmth and vulnerability the two share. But at the rink, it couldn’t be more different. Home is family. The rink is work.

“You're not going to see us fight or argue. We know it's business and we know we're going to get the best out of each other,” Poulin says. “When we train, we do our work. It's not about us being lovey dovey. It's us getting better, making people around us better.”

They have had to figure out how to give each other constructive criticism and feedback after their games — it’s still a work in progress.

“The first couple of games it was like, how do we do this?” Stacey says. “Do we just talk about it in the car? And then when we get home it's over? And I don't think that worked that well because I know for myself I just can't get over things that quickly.” 

“So we did a lot of detours on the way home,” Poulin says, and they both laugh.

“We just kept driving. We just kept driving,” Stacey says.

~

Jill Saulnier, their teammate at the Beijing Olympics who plays for the New York Sirens, has been practising with the pair in Montreal ahead of the new PWHL season. During an unrelenting two-hour practice on a Thursday morning at the historic Verdun Auditorium, which is the training facility for Montreal, Saulnier is doggedly keeping up with her two best friends in dryland training and on the ice. 

“They come to the rink. They’re married. It’s our job and it’s all business for them,” Saulnier says. “They’re able to separate the craziness.”

“I’ve known both of them for 15 years and they were wonderful individuals when I met them and they’re even more wonderful together. I feel that’s such a testament to a powerful relationship."

Erin Ambrose has also played alongside the two of them for years on the national team — and is getting ready to be their teammate on La Victoire for a second season. 

“As their teammate and friend, if there’s ever been an issue you’d never know it,” Ambrose says. “It’s heartwarming to see two people lift each other up and genuinely two of the best people you could have in your life.”

Caroline Ouellette knows perhaps better than anyone how tricky it can be to find a balance between being in love and playing the game you love.

She won four Olympic gold medals and a handful of world championship titles with Team Canada between 1999 and 2018, victories that came at the expense of her American partner and now wife, Julie Chu, who starred for Team USA.

For Ouellette it was a question of legitimacy. She was scarred from the coverage at the 1998 Nagano Olympics when women’s hockey made its debut. She still vividly recalls a newspaper highlighting the sexual orientation of the women playing at those Olympics.

“It was front page in Quebec — a sexual orientation that makes people talk — that’s what it was about. The whole article was about maybe there being relationships on the team, maybe with the coach and players. It was so hurtful and negative to the game,” she says. “It was shocking and disappointing.

“It silenced me for years. I took the approach that it wasn’t going to overshadow the performance on the ice.”

For Ouelette it was less about people knowing her and Chu were together and more about keeping the focus on the talent on the ice. 

“For me, I still felt I could be myself and be who I was with Julie. I think a lot of the media knew we were together and I’m grateful they didn’t make it something,” Ouellette says. 

A lot changed for Ouellette and Chu in 2017 when they celebrated the birth of their daughter, Liv. For Ouelette, it was because there was no hiding anymore. 

“We won the Clarkson Cup in 2017 with Liv in my belly. I thought that this was the coolest thing ever and I wanted to win that Cup so badly because I wanted to say we won with too many players on the ice,” she says with a laugh.

Ouellette was ready to share all the parts of her life and fully understands this place Stacey and Poulin have arrived at. 

“They complete each other,” she says.

All of this almost never happened.

Six years ago Poulin’s and Stacey’s relationship was on again, off again as they, like many young couples, struggled with the decision of whether they wanted to be together. Poulin had just returned from the 2018 Olympics in Pyeongchang and was devastated after losing to the Americans in the final. She says it was one of the darkest points of her life. 

“I felt like I let the entire country down,” she remembers. “I was one of the leaders. You take everything on your shoulders. I didn't want to see anybody and I was just really on my own.”

She sat in that sadness for weeks, but the Humboldt Broncos bus crash in April 2018, when 16 members of a junior hockey organization were killed, shook her to her core.

“You see parents losing their kids, kids losing their parents. I'm here in my bed and people lost their lives and I'm going to cry over a silver medal?” Poulin says. “That moment switched my perspective. That silver medal probably made me way better. It taught me that when there's hard moments, you get back up.”

That fall, Poulin and Stacey were playing on separate teams in the CWHL, the precursor to the NWHL, Poulin a member of Les Canadiennes and Stacey with the Markham Thunder. 

“There was a lot. This is complicated. She was in Montreal. I was in Toronto. We were national teammates. We just stopped talking. I was not talking to her. I was good and ready to move on,” Stacey says. 

Poulin wasn’t.

On Oct. 20, they found themselves lined up on opposite ends of the rink. Poulin’s Montreal team beat Stacey’s Thunder 5-1, and in a bold move, Poulin followed Stacey’s team bus back to her hotel after the game.

Poulin sent a text, imploring her to come out to her car to talk.

“She was serious,” Stacey says. “I didn’t know what to tell my roommate. I lied and said I needed to go see my family or something like that.”

Poulin finally convinced her to go for dinner, and the two now use that day as their anniversary. 

And while there are many more championships the pair want to collect, they’re also starting to think about what could be next.

That’s where Arlo has picked up the assist.

“Ifwe have a bad practice or bad game, when we come home Arlo does not care. He's going to love us till the very end. And what's not to love about him?” Stacey says. “I think that's just opened our eyes to having a family and growing our family.”

“We've talked about having kids as part of our next project. We love kids. We have friends with kids and we love it. And honestly, it will be the next project for sure,” Poulin says.

There’s a practical part of that conversation — that one of them would have to take a backseat, at least for a bit, to their athletic career.

“And it's going to be interesting for us — two female athletes navigating how to have kids, when to have kids. It's definitely going to take some thought, some planning because it is brand new to us and it's brand new to a lot of people too,” Stacey says. 

[pinpilinpaux]

Alexia Putellas on her interview with SPORT

Are you happy?

How deep! [laughs]. Yes, yes, I am very happy. I had a really hard time during the injury. Until that moment I was lucky that I had never been injured before and it was really fucked up. I worked a lot to be able to have these opportunities now and enjoy competing again. I just want this: to win, to compete, to train, to help the team. I'm happy and it shows on the field, doesn't it?

Did that beautiful goal against Madrid with the outside come to you by itself or did you have time to think about it?

I didn't think about it at the time, I think a lot on the pitch, but I often flow and that's what came to me. Then I analyzed the play and Misa was already cutting me off, and with the inside I don't know if it would have gone in, because I had to wait a little longer. Kika left it for me to finish with the right, but I chained the stride and it fell to me on the outside.

It couldn't be any other way, your 199th goal with Barça to surpass Luis Suárez and enter the club's historical podium. It's not to compare, but to put what you're doing as a midfielder into perspective.

When I started at the club, I never imagined I could reach almost 200 goals. It's a figure we've usually seen more in strikers. I work on many things and efficiency is one of them. I know that I have at least one per game and I have always tried to help the team in that way. I don't think I do it only with goals, but with many other things, but I always work to make it happen.

When you see all this, are you aware that you are one of the best players in history or you don't think about it?

No, no, no. I don't think any of this. I think these things are valued, just like titles and everything you can contribute to a sport or a club, when you are no longer there. Right now I just think about the next game and then the next one. And so on throughout the season.

How did you receive the affection of your teammates after achieving this milestone in Madrid? They celebrated with you and then sang to you in the locker room.

I had nothing in mind, to tell you the truth. And in fact, whenever I score, I don't know what to do. I get carried away by the adrenaline. At that moment I was almost not even aware that it was goal 199, the celebration was more because we were winning 0-4 against Real Madrid at their home. The team competed very well in the match, the level was very high. We all got together on the bench and celebrated together.

Everyone who works with you says you're doing very well physically and, above all, mentally. Where are you at now?

I think the word that best defines it is stability. I knew that after the game against Manchester City. The reaction was that: of balance, that everything was fine and was going to be fine. I felt like I have throughout my career and it's a feeling of enormous tranquility.

When you signed your renewal, after a long negotiation, the phrase 'Alexia is Barça and Barça is Alexia' was repeated. What does this say to you?

A lot. But I think that Barça is not just one player, it's a lot more, that's why it's the best club in the world. But if someone thinks like that... I feel flattered.

During the injury, were you thinking 'I'm going to come back' or 'I'm going to be the best again'?

There are many phases in a process like this. In my case, I went from being at a very high level to having to learn to walk. I don't know if people are aware of what an ACL operation is, but if they are not very apprehensive, they should look it up. They do everything to you in this operation. And when you have to relearn how to walk and run, you don't think about anything else but the immediate. You have surgery and you can't even put your plate on the table to eat.

Totally dependent...

You need help for everything. And I didn't think about anything else but getting back to playing. Then you burn through the stages. When you achieve one thing, you go for another, and another. I'm like that with everything and I was also like that with the injury. And then you think about working to get back to the level you were at.

I really liked your speech in the locker room before the final in Bilbao. You were a substitute and you talked about the importance of all the players on the team, those who were going to play and those who were not.

These injuries also make you learn a lot. I have been in roles that I had not lived before, both when I was injured and when you return to the team and you see that you need to get into the rhythm, that you need time, but at the same time you don't have time because this is the elite. And today I understand much more what a teammate who is not playing a lot or who does not have confidence in herself can feel. And this is something that the injury has also given me.

What did it mean to you to be back in Paris, among the ten finalists for the Ballon d'Or?

It was a different day in my life. Gratitude and happiness for the recognition. It's not why I play, but everyone likes to be recognized if you've done your job well. It is something very subjective, because everyone has their own opinion and everyone votes their own preferences. I just dedicate myself to helping the team, to contribute my virtues inside and outside, and if they recognize it, I am very grateful, to be honest.

It's a long season, but you're off to a great start. Can you see yourself on the stage of the Châtelet for another year?

Ugh... I don't know. It's true, I don't think about it. I'm only thinking about the next game and, at the very most, what I'm planning in the long term is titles, trying to fight for the four again. And in the summer, the Euro. After that, the season is over and it doesn't depend on me.

Two Ballon d'Or for you and two for Aitana, four in a row. Is it a reflection of how well Barça is doing?

One hundred percent. When I won them, I felt it was a prize not only for me but for all of us, for the project. And now I still feel the same way. You have been winning for four years an award that is perhaps the most prestigious and this says a lot about the club, the team, the teammates, the staff, what is created, the fans.... It is the award that makes visible everything that is behind it.

After the classic you wanted to highlight the work of Pere Romeu and all the staff. How have these first months of changes been?

At the beginning we felt, because this is Barça and the demand is maximum, that we needed to finish fitting pieces, ideas and really define what we want to be. And I think that with the passing of these months we have seen perfectly that in the end all we needed was time and I am very happy for the team and also for the staff.

Hence your words...

I think that the preparation phase of the coaching staff can often go unnoticed. In the end, we see everything they work on so that we can execute it on the field, everything they transmit to us and the many tools they give us so that we can almost flow. And I wanted to highlight this after a victory like this, because it was also, and to a large extent, their merit.

When you started playing in Sabadell, you were mixed in a team with girls of different ages and you were always one of the youngest. Now you have a special admiration from Barça's youngest players: Pina, Jana, Vicky... What can you tell me about this rising generation?

The future that awaits Barça is incredible. It is also true that there is more and more competition and it is difficult. When I arrived here, I didn't have or need that adaptation, because it wasn't the same. Back then, when you were 17 or 18 years old, you were already playing every game. And now, perhaps, it's a little different, but the demands are also different. I have a very good relationship with all of them and for them I'm not a mother, because I'm not a mother because I'm 30, but I'm like an older sister. I have a great time with them.

Is it possible for you to tell us why you call Vicky 'stitch' or is it a secret?

[Laughs] Let her tell you, let her tell you.

We write it down for Vicky, then.

Write it down for her, write it down for her.

Now the Champions League is back, which did not start well in Manchester, but you came out to say that no one should doubt Barça. And the team responded.

We really want to be in the quarter-finals and be first in the group, and for that we depend on ourselves. We have two away games left, which won't be easy, and on December 18 City come to Montjuïc. Given how the game went there, we are looking forward to this one.

The other day, against St. Pölten, the girls from your Foundation, Eleven, came to Johan to surprise you. Were you excited?

Very much so. It's a very special project. It was born when I broke my knee, I had a lot of time and it helped me to get through it a bit, because I had a lot of time, which is something I'd never had before. I broadened my vision and started to create things. Everything I do, I do it because it is born from me. It fills me with pride to see that it is already a reality and that I can help other people thanks to what life has given me.

Do you think about a future after your soccer career?

No, especially now that I am very happy. I don't see myself in any other way than as a player for the moment.

[irregularcollapse]

please read roger federer’s retirement tribute tweet for rafa if you haven’t already, it’s so tender and romantic and I thought about your tennis buckies the entire time 💀😭

thanks to you i read it while on duty at the circ desk and teared up in full view of the library wewwww!!!

the letter:

Vamos, @ RafaelNadal! As you get ready to graduate from tennis, I’ve got a few things to share before I maybe get emotional. Let’s start with the obvious: you beat me—a lot. More than I managed to beat you. You challenged me in ways no one else could. On clay, it felt like I was stepping into your backyard, and you made me work harder than I ever thought I could just to hold my ground. You made me reimagine my game—even going so far as to change the size of my racquet head, hoping for any edge. I’m not a very superstitious person, but you took it to the next level. Your whole process. All those rituals. Assembling your water bottles like toy soldiers in formation, fixing your hair, adjusting your underwear... All of it with the highest intensity. Secretly, I kind of loved the whole thing. Because it was so unique—it was so you. And you know what, Rafa, you made me enjoy the game even more. OK, maybe not at first. After the 2004 Australian Open, I achieved the #1 ranking for the first time. I thought I was on top of the world. And I was—until two months later, when you walked on the court in Miami in your red sleeveless shirt, showing off those biceps, and you beat me convincingly. All that buzz I’d been hearing about you���about this amazing young player from Mallorca, a generational talent, probably going to win a major someday—it wasn’t just hype. We were both at the start of our journey and it’s one we ended up taking together. Twenty years later, Rafa, I have to say: What an incredible run you’ve had. Including 14 French Opens—historic! You made Spain proud... you made the whole tennis world proud. I keep thinking about the memories we’ve shared. Promoting the sport together. Playing that match on half-grass, half-clay. Breaking the all-time attendance record by playing in front of more than 50,000 fans in Cape Town, South Africa. Always cracking each other up. Wearing each other out on the court and then, sometimes, almost literally having to hold each other up during trophy ceremonies. I’m still grateful you invited me to Mallorca to help launch the Rafa Nadal Academy in 2016. Actually, I kind of invited myself. I knew you were too polite to insist on me being there, but I didn’t want to miss it. You have always been a role model for kids around the world, and Mirka and I are so glad that our children have all trained at your academies. They had a blast and learned so much—like thousands of other young players. Although I always worried my kids would come home playing tennis as lefties. And then there was London—the Laver Cup in 2022. My final match. It meant everything to me that you were there by my side—not as my rival but as my doubles partner. Sharing the court with you that night, and sharing those tears, will forever be one of the most special moments of my career. Rafa, I know you’re focused on the last stretch of your epic career. We will talk when it’s done. For now, I just want to congratulate your family and team, who all played a massive role in your success. And I want you to know that your old friend is always cheering for you, and will be cheering just as loud for everything you do next. Rafa that! Best always, your fan, Roger

like holy moly it's just so sweet i'm verklempt

[bean-chaointe]

I enrolled in INELDA's death doula training course today, and I'm glad I did so with a full 2.5 months before the live sessions of the training because that gives me more time to step very, very carefully through the absolute minefield that is my own grief as I process through the recorded 'pre-work' sessions.

Even just THINKING about the training has gotten me twitchy af.

I'm still extremely wary of the idea of offering death and funerary support as part of my scope of service, given the way my grief has calcified over the past 15 years into a hard shell that simultaneously flinches away from the slightest touch, but grief is a normal and natural emotion that commonly comes up in peer counseling even when the sessions is focused on another matter. Mostly I'm hoping that this will crack said shell in a way that therapy never managed, basically by coming at it sideways from the familiar perspective of being a service provider and therefore be less "threatening" to my hypervigilant brain, and that it will do so before I end up being the end-of-life caregiver for a parent for the second time.

GIMME THOSE COUNSELING TOOLS AND IDEOLOGICAL FRAMEWORK BEFORE I HAVE TO DO THIS AGAIN /GRABBY HANDS

[mymarifae]

WHY ARE THEY GROWING UP WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKK

[stephaniedola]

kinda nervous to do leg day at the actual gym ngl, like doing upper body at the gym rather than at home for the other day for the first time (!!) was a little intimidating but overall fine... but lower body is just so much messier

[000png]

i'm starting to look into classes i might want to take next year and like. i feel like i should be chill but i also kinda want to go all in and take a not chill class

[metastablephysicist]

thinking about 2023.

i read 15 books this year. not a ton, but a good amount for how many things i have going on. a good chunk of it was lesbian pulp from the fifties (i don't get why people were frothing at the mouth for beebo brinker. between the domestic violence and dog murder. well. she sucks).

didn't get any papers published, although there's one in the works. i survived another two semesters of grad school. made friends with people in my field from other universities and labs. i still need to finish this one coding project i had.

didn't do as much with the union as i would have liked to. hoping i will have more free time next year.

in that same vein, i wish i had spent more time with my friends this year. so much of my time went to work and school. i fit in some camping/hiking/etc over school breaks but i wish there had been more of it.

i did do some things i'm proud of! i got married and had a nice little party. ran a marathon. pr in the half marathon. dog training has been slow but successful.

in 2024 i'm going to try to limit time online, cook more (& different foods), and get better at going to the dentist (something i am currently very good at avoiding. hate the dentist. not the actual person but like. the experience). feels like very easy and achievable goals. we'll see :)

[grasslandgirl]

OHHHHH KARNA LOVE CONFESSION LETTER IS SOSOSOOOOO GOOD. YEAH I CAN FUCK WITH THAT SO MUCH. KARNA ON HER DEATH BED MAKING SAVING THROWS GETTING CARRIED OUT OF THE MYCELLIUM AND THE CAVES FIRST BY DELI AND THEN WHEN HE STARTED STUMBLING, OVERTAKEN BY THE POISON, CARRIED BY COLIN; OUT INTO THE WSRM LIGHT OF THE BULB SHE DIDNT BELIEVE IN. KARNA WHO BARELY MANAGES TO GET STABILIZED BETWEEN THE WOUNDS AND THE POISON AND HER OWN ROT BUT SHES BREATHING. BARELY. LAYING ON THE GROUND BLEEDING AND PALE FROM THE POISON AND THE ROT AS THEY ALL TRY TO CATCH THEIR BREATH AND AMANGEAUX CASTS A LITTLE SOMETHING BUT IT DOESNT HELP MUCH BC KARNA IS SO POORLY OFF AND THEY FINALLY MANAGE TO GET HER BACK TO THE ENCAMPMENTS AND FIND A BULBIAN CLERIC OF SOME KIND (that deli threatens, voice shaking, hand empty without his long-abandoned spear, eyes red and bloodshot and colin hovering like a ghost at his shoulder, into silence and compliance despite karna's unnatural poisoning and the rot overtaking her body- clear evidence of the hungry one) THAT MANAGES TO HELP STABILIZE KARNA A LITTLE MORE BUT SHES STILL OUT. STILL UNCONSCIOUS. AND THEY ALL SIT AT HER BEDSIDE, LISTEN TO HER FAINT RATTLING BREATHS. AMANGEAUX NEVER LETS GO OF HER HAND AND DELI CAN'T BRING HIMSELF TO LOOK AWAY AND ALL THREE OF THEM REMEMBERING THE MISSING MEMBER OF THEIR GROUP WHOM THEY COULDN'T GET BACK OUT OF THE CAVES AND. AND EVENTUALLY COLIN TELLS DELI TO GO BACK TO HIS CAMP AND REFRESH HIMSELF AND CHANGE OUT OF THE DUSTY SPORES-COVERED ARMOR, STILL BLOODY FROM BATTLE, AND THATS WHEN DELI FINDS THE LETTER KARNA LEFT FOR HIM. AND. AND. AAUGHGGUGGG. DELI WHO WAS BETRAYED BY AND THEN IMMEDIATELY LOST ARIANA AND THEN ALMOST LOST KARNA AND COLIN WHO'S THERE BESIDE HIM BUT SO COLD AND SO LOST AND DELI IS. AUGHGRUG. THERES SOMETHING HERE AND MAYBE ITS JUST FOR ME BUT ITS HERE.

[whentherewerebicycles]

crashed around 10:30 last night / woke up at 5:30 still feeling pretty wrung out. but I honestly think it’s just the intense comedown from *gestures vaguely* everything—lots of emotional ups and downs this spring plus extensive travel and trying to engineer a baby or whatever. I think having the signed offer will make me feel a lot better, as I’ll be able to switch fully into excited looking-ahead mode. but oh man… I am so excited. I am sure that, like all jobs, this job has its own issues and frustrations that will reveal themselves in time, but mostly I just feel this immense, immense wave of relief about getting to do values-aligned work that uses my knowledge/creativity/skills. I’m also nervous but excited about moving into a real leadership position for the first time. my bleh current job felt like such a massive step back in terms of responsibilities and agency—largely because of my lead’s micromanagement and refusal to trust me with anything, but also just because I think the role was much more junior than I realized going into it. ahhhhhh I’m just SO EXCITED to get to work with smart people who care about learning on cool projects that help students. I’m even excited to figure out who the difficult eccentric academic personalities are ahaha. god and I hope I make friends!!!!! work friends!!!!! I got really good vibes from the two women I’ll be working with most closely and I am also excited to work with the two profs who were on the committee, who seem to have one of the most delightful odd couple friendships I’ve ever seen. just!!!! ahhh!!!!!!!!! and I’m gonna be people’s BOSS for the first time so that is going to be a whole new fascinating skillset to learn!!!!!! ok I’m rapidly talking myself out of my post-stress haze and into giddy excitement ahaha so I think maybe today I’ll spend some time journaling about the future to gently help ease myself out of the “work is pointless misery” mindset and into the kind of headspace I have been longing to get back to (work is a joy! work is hard but gives me purpose and meaning!!). whooHOOO let’s GO!!!!!!!!!!!

[samaeldire]

So I forgot to tell yall...

I'M FINALLY GONNA BE A TATTOO ARTIST!!!

[angelcloves]

i wanna start like. a studyblr but im literally a garbo college student surviving on monster energy and warm showers and also i do not take notes or study. study tips for mfs who dont give a shit

[yo9urt]

finally we are entering the Majima Zone (the post-dinner pre-bed hours that are exclusively designated as video game time)

[tardis--dreams]

Last week my most beloved colleague said to me "it continues to surprise me how much empathy for higher mammals you carry within you" and i still haven't recovered from that

[l0rd-0f-c0ws]

AWWW TY !!!! I AM SO HAPPY YOU LIED IT I CANT EVEN DESCRIBE HOW AWESOME THAT IS TO ME :DDD

ACHIEVEMENT GET: MUTUAL IS NOW READING/WATCHING THE THING I RECOMMENDED TO THEM