#and that rage hit me suddenly because i couldn't hold that anger in anymore

[uncanny-tranny]

Anger is such a normal part of recovery, and I wish it were normalized. I think it is genuinely harmful to depict recovery as this era of your life that only sets you free and makes you euphoric, and there will never again be a cloud in the sky because you have Ultimately Healed.

It's the fucking opposite sometimes. Recovery can feel violent, because the things you are recovering from are often (though not always) violent. It is so common to feel white-hot rage, grief, catharsis, elation, numbness - in essence, a whole host of emotions that aren't pretty, or aren't simple little categories to be neatly boxed and sorted and understood by the "normals."

Those recovering: Your emotions are real, and they aren't bad. You aren't a bad person for how you are processing and healing. You, however, aren't alone. You are doing so fucking well, no matter what it is you are healing from or for. I genuinely hope you can be proud of that.

[zerokrox-blog]

'I WAS A CHILD!' the sound cutting through the dining room, all conversation ceased. Steve's voice was furious, and filled with a fury that nobody had ever heard from him. The Hopper-Byers house was full, the Christmas party had been in full swing. The Sinclair's, the Henderson's, the Munson's, the Wheeler's, as well as Robin Buckley and Steve Harrington had spent the day here having a great time. At some point right before dinner Steve's parents, Richard and Margaret Harrington, had surprised them all by showing up unannounced. Steve had barely interacted with them at all.

The younger kids had moved into a different room as the conversation between the adults had turned to their kids and their childhoods. Joyce had mentioned Jonathon's favorite toy had been a red firetruck, and it had broken when Will was two. She had been so pleased to talk about her fond memories. Margaret Harrington had mentioned that Steve's favorite toy had been a stuffed tiger and her husband had smiled and told them proudly that he had 'gotten rid of it'. And the two Harrington parents talked about the three toys Steve had been given as a child that had mysteriously vanished when he was four as punishment, while the other parents had looked uncomfortable and tried to change the topic. Steve had been quiet but the anger was mounting. And suddenly it was too much, and the words he had been holding back burst out of him.

'Are you going to include the part where you beat my ass so bad I couldn't sit for three days? Or the part where you forced me to watch as my only toys were burned? Or the part where you smacked me because I was crying? Is that also included in this fond nostalgia?' his voice was cold.

Richard Harrington floundered for a second, 'well son you had to be taught manners.' he started to say. 'It was-'

But Steve interjected, 'I WAS A CHILD!' he yelled. 'too young to understand why my toys were taken away. Too small to fight back! Too little to understand why my parents were taking away my presents! But that doesn't matter does it? So long as I was a perfect, quiet, obedient childlike doll for you to show off.' He stood up. He glared at his parents, 'Sometimes I wish you had aborted me before I was born. I wish you had thought about abandoning a child would do to it, about what smacking and hitting and freezing out your child would do. But instead I had to pretend to be fine. Never telling anyone because Harringtons don't have emotions and don't cry.' he mocked. 'just stay the fuck away from me.' He walked out of the room and out of the house before either parent could say anything more.

Steve got into his car and drove off. Speeding as fast as he could away from the house.

Once he was gone, Sue Sinclair looked at the Harrington's, in a tone so cold she stated, 'I don't find it funny or cute to beat my children. Especially if they were that young.' Her eyes held a burning rage that nobody had seen before, 'I hope that boy is ok. But you best stay away from him. That's my kid's older brother you were talking about.' Margaret Harrington suddenly realized what they had been talking about and before anymore could be said she grabbed her husband's arm and tried to get him out of the house.

But Hopper's voice, emotionless, stopped her dead in her tracks, 'anything else you want to add? Maybe the part where you left him alone for months and weeks at a time when he was younger? Maybe more about beating him? I, for one, am curious what else you can be put in prison for, being as I am the police chief.' Richard Harrington's face went white. And he stuttered out an awkward reply and the Harrington's left the house.

Eddie waited until they were both gone, he grabbed his keys and slipped out with Nancy, Argyle, Robin, and Jonathan. They drove around in silence, looking for him. As they drove past the quarry, they saw his car parked, but it was empty. They parked beside his car and carefully walked around the area and found him sitting on the ledge, watching the water, fave blank but his eyes were red-rimmed and puffy like he'd been crying.

Robin took the first step towards him and sat down beside him. None of them spoke, nothing needed to be said.

Maybe it won't get better anytime soon. But for now he had his family around him. His actual family. It was Christmas, he'd be ok sometime soon. He slumped against Robin and Eddie, letting his eyes slide shut.

[h0nkch0c0late]

Please Don't Go

Jack Mercer x Reader

Summary: you had known Jack for years, and even gotten into a relationship. When the two of you join his brothers for their mother's funeral, you weren't expecting this outcome.

WARNING(S): Four Brothers spoilers, major character death, angst, swearing.

It had happened so fast.

While Angel and Bobby were busy interrogating Jeremiah, a knock was heard at the front door.

Curious, you had followed Jack to see who had knocked, as it was unusual for the Mercer household.

The two of you were met with a masked man, insulting Evelyn and throwing a snowball at Jack's face before beginning to walk away.

You should have stopped him. Should've grabbed his arm and told him it wasn't worth it. Lead him back to the couch to just forget about it.

Instead, you watched as he ran out towards the masked guy, anger raging through him not only because of the insult of his mom, but the snowball as well.

As you saw the man begin to pull out a gun, you found yourself running, by no volition of your own.

You heard someone calling yours and Jack's names, it was most likely Bobby. But you didn't care enough to think about it.

As you got closer, a gunshot rang out. And then another. And then multiple more.

You didn't know if you were one of the ones who got shot, and hell, maybe you were. But your focus was on your boyfriend, bleeding out and laying in the snow, calling out to you and Bobby with a rack of sobs.

You stumbled towards him, facing your back towards the shooters as if that would help Jack stay alive, though you knew better.

Your ears began to ring, the gunshots blurred with the yells, your heart thumping hard in your chest.

Your hands found themselves trying to cover his wounds as he grabbed onto you for dear life. He was scared, and not just for himself anymore.

You were actively putting yourself in danger. He was trying to get you to lay low or to find a spot in which they wouldn't be able to hit you, but that distant look in your eyes told him you weren't listening.

Almost unconsciously, you began to mumble comforting words to him. Whether it was really for yourself, him, or both of you, you didn't know.

One shot.

Two shots.

And suddenly, none.

Bobby, Angel, and Jeremiah made their way to the two of you, Bobby holding onto Jack who was now laying in your lap.

You couldn't tell what the boys were saying, but the yells were obvious. They were trying to have someone call 911.

"Please don't go." You found yourself begging, eyes downcast and cloudy as you looked down at Jack, one of your hands going through his hair in a comforting manner like you always had.

His eyes greeted yours, a smile on his face as blood poured from his throat.

"Shit, she's hit too!" Angel shouted as he noticed that the pooling blood wasn't just from Jack.

You didn't care, all that mattered to you was keeping the boy in your arms alive. But it was too late, he was gone. His skin cold against your own as your hand kept caressing his hair in that gentle, comforting way.

Darkness began to consume your sight, the adrenaline beginning to wear off as the gunshot wounds took over.

Bobby was holding your face in his hands as you felt yourself get weaker, "now don't you die on me too, ya hear?!" He cried, he was desperate. He had already lost his mom, and now his brother. He couldn't lose you too.

"Sorry, Bobby." You grinned with what little strength you had left, just to sass the man in front of you before death took a hold of you.

"No, don't you do that shit to me. Don't you do that shit!-"

That was the last thing you heard before you collapsed.

----------------------------------------------------------

Angst almost immediately for a new character? Who AM I? haha, anyway. Finally got some motivation to write, unsure if it'll stick though. Love yall <3

@frostymooxnlight cuz you asked to be tagged, lovely!

[legends-art-forever]

Ninjago Spinjitzu Brothers:

—Forest of Illusions—

Chapter 8

Trying to walk forward but, being unable to keep his balance very well. Garmadon grabbed Akio's arm and put it around his neck, trying to help him keep his balance. "Well, then let's go!" He yelled. Akio nodded. and then they ran off after Wu. The other illusion that was fighting Garmadon is watching Akio and Garmadon from afar, but then it just turns around and walks away. Wu is nearing the exit of the forest. but before he could even step foot out of it, Garmadon quickly ran in front of Wu, holding his hands out, blocking his path. "You're not going anywhere with my brother, illusion!" He yelled. Refusing to move. But Wu still kept that blank expression on his face as the illusion spoke out in anger. "I'M SO CLOSE TO FINALLY LEAVING THIS STUPID FOREST! DON'T GET IN MY WAY NOW!" Garmadon glared at him and still didn't move out from in front of him. The illusion had no patience with this and just tried to make Wu go around him, but Garmadon kept blocking his path no matter where he went. "WILL YOU JUST MOVE ALREADY!" The illusion yelled. Garmadon smirked. "Nope!" Losing his patience, the illusion just spun around into a tornado and made Wu attack his brother with Spinjitzu, but Garmadon quickly spun himself into a tornado too. "Wu, you have to fight the illusions possession! don't believe whatever he's telling you cause it ain't true, and you know that." Garmadon yelled. Trying to make sure his brother doesn't spin himself out of the forest. "I know he offered an easy way to get you the tea leafs and yeah, sure if we get it now this whole crazy journey would be over- but you know it isn't that easy, the tea is at the northern ocean a-" before Garmadon got to finish Wu quickly spun at him with Spinjitzu and threw him off but Garmadon quickly tried to stop spinning and catch himself so he didn't hit the ground hard. The illusion didn't even bother with Garmadon anymore he just ran past him and he tried to walk out of the forest but not giving up that quickly Garmadon quickly stood back up and grabbed his brother from behind "Wu I know your in there still but trying to talk through to ya ain't working so-" Garmadon said as he kept a strong grip on his brother and then ended up flipping him over hitting him against the ground "-I have to fight to get through to you!" Wu hit the ground hard, but his face still kept the same blank expression through it all. Garmadon suddenly felt a wight, difference, on his back. and reached his hand up to it. "Wait....Where did...?" as Wu stood back up, he moved his hand out from behind his back, revealing something.... "My sword." Garmadon said. realizing that Wu took his sword when he attacked him from behind. "Thought you nearly had me for a second there, huh?" The illusion called out smiling, even though you can't see it on his face but you can hear it through his voice, as he spun the sword around to properly get a grip on it and then held it out towards Garmadon, who had no weapon and he was at the edge of the forest. One hit, one wrong move. and the illusion could leave. and Wu would be gone forever. "Go head." Garmadon said. "Attack, cause I know Wu won't let you." He just stood there, not afraid not attacking, waiting for the illusion to strike. The illusion tried so hard to attack Garmadon with the sword, but Wu was preventing him from it. no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't hit him. "GAHHHH!" the illusion yelled out in rage and threw the sword down, grabbing Garmadon by his shirt and just tossing him back away from him. As he continued to try to leave the forest but he couldn't because of Wu "g-get...out...of....ME!!!" Wu cried fighting the illusion off "Why...w-won't...you...let...m-me...leave?!" He stuttered, trying to walk forward.

[leagueofdccm]

❛ don’t shut me out like this. ❜ / jack

memes that gotta go || @w1dowed

" I'm not- " AS HE SPOKE, A DEEP FRUSTRATION was evident in his voice. He realized the anger in his tone and stopped abruptly, taking in a deep breath and shutting his eyes tightly for a moment. He counted to ten, trying to control his temper, as he had read in a book before. It may seem cliched, but this technique helped him to calm down, somewhat. Gradually, he felt his heart rate slow, and the ANGER THAT HAD BEEN SIMMERING INSIDE him began to subside. After a while, he opened his eyes and turned to face his mother, his features softening as he spoke again, this time without any hint of rage. He tried to explain himself to her, "I'm not shutting you out, Mom. It's just that I did something, and I don't know how to deal with it."

JACK WAS GROWING UP IN A WORLD that was much different from the one his parents had grown up in. He was still a teenager, but he knew that he couldn't just live a normal life anymore. He had heard stories from Tilly, and his parents, especially his dad, about how the world used to be before everything changed. Jack had even found some books that talked about the joy of the old world versus the harsh reality of the present day. Despite being bored at times, reading those books helped him to understand how different things were back then.

THE DEAD still wanders the earth, changes have yet to be made, no cure, no sign of walkers going extinct... just same ol same ol. Would life ever go back to the old ways.. and if it did, would any of them even know how to live in the old world ? Would his mom or dad ? Would Tilly ? As he sits up, he GLANCES DOWN at his open palms before clenching them tight. His nails dig harshly into his palms as his lips press together, his mind racing with thoughts and emotions. Suddenly, he feels a desperate need to FEEL SOMETHING GOOD, SOMETHING SWEET, something that will remind him that despite the horrors of this new world, there is still love and comfort to be found in the arms of his mother. He runs up to her, wrapping his arms around her tightly, FEELING SAFE AND AT HOME. Maybe this is why his dad always found comfort in holding his mom, because it made everything better.

" I-- killed someone. " Barley a whisper as he spoke against her, pulling back just enough to lock eyes with her. " -- I was out... practicing's my aim. I know I should have told you guys, but i didn't because I-- I don't know, I just wanted to see if can do it all by myself without you or dad.... without Tilly or Alden hovering over me. And also I know you guys are busy, and I didn't want to be a bother. So I went off on my own. I didn't think it would be a big deal--- until I heard someone coming up behind me and, " Taking him down without giving Jack a chance to turn and see the stranger. He doesn't have to mention how he got in a fight with this man, the two of them wrestling for the gun in Jack's hand. The bruise underneath his eye tells that part of the story well.

" --We fought, he was bigger than me... but.... the spare knife is was what helped me gain the upper hand... I stabbed him in the neck while he was busy... " Choking him, but he doesn't say, just touches his neck lightly, wincing at the pain. He must look fucking stupid and can't even look his mother in the eyes as he spoke of what had went down. " I'm sorry... I just... I was just protecting myself... I-- he didn't give me a choice he was trying to kill me ! So I.... killed him first. I- are you mad at me ? " He dosen't give the full story of it all, it's just a summary. Can't get the image of the guys life leaving his eyes when JACK THRUSTED THE KNIFE INTO THE MAN'S THROAT, BLOOD SPILLING OUT without anyway to stop it. He pulled it out, had kicked the stranger off of him, watching as the older mean reached a hand out, gasping for air, trying to speak but no words just gurgling. Jack eyes widen, and it hits him--- wonders if he had a family to go back home to ? Why couldn't he just ask for the gun instead of trying to kill Jack for the weapon ? He killed walkers before but not another living being. And it was just.... a lot to take in.

[casspurrjoybell-21]

Pirate Chains - Volume 1 - Strong Tides

*Warning Adult Content*

Chapter 13 - Sweet Confusion - Part 3

Agenor

By the name of all the fucking Gods. I thought, my mind reeling at the news. A lover? And pregnant? How in the world did that happen? My thoughts raced as I struggled to process the information. Unconsciously, I tightened my grip on Nyx's neck, the tension in my body building. Suddenly, Maren left the cabin and Nyx began to struggle against my hold, trying to push me away.

"What the hell has gotten into you? Let go of me," he groaned, struggling against my tight grip.

I glared at him, feeling my anger boiling over. The more he stared at me, the more I sensed his fear growing. My eyes were drawn to the necklace he clutched so tightly in his hand. It had a mermaid drawn on it and I couldn't help but wonder who it belonged to. After a moment of hesitation, I slowly released my grip on his neck. He gasped for air, taking deep breaths to calm himself down. I reached for the necklace, careful not to hurt him again and slipped it over the collar that had already left a mark on his pale skin. As I pulled the necklace up, I noticed how it tangled with his hair and I brushed it aside.

"So this is the precious souvenir of yours?" I spat out, my voice laced with venom.

"My necklace. Give it back, Agenor. It's important," Nyx pleaded.

He reached out his arm to take it back but I had no intention of letting go so easily. Instead, I threw it across the room and he scrambled to catch it midair. Just as he was about to touch it, I snatched the chain and pulled it hard. Nyx cried out in pain and fell to the ground. I kneeled down and roughly took hold of the back of his neck, my hand tightened and my fingers, channelling my fury through my fingers as I tightened my grip. He tried to protest but my mind was too consumed with anger to register his words.

How could he possibly explain himself? Would he beg for my forgiveness for lying to me? Or worse, would he start spouting on about how much he loved her? He had told me he hated me before but was it really because of what I had done, or was it because he loved her? The thought of a woman taking up residence in his heart was like a storm raging inside my head. Does he light up every time she enters the room? Does he gaze at her longingly when she walks by? Does he strive to fulfill her every need? Images of him touching her body and smiling at her only fueled the fire of my anger."

"Agenor..." Nyx's voice was husky and weak, calling out to me.

But what could he possibly say? Beg for forgiveness and a chance to leave, to have a happy life with his precious woman and their child? That was not an option. He needed to understand that telling me all of this would do him no good. I refused to let him go. He was staying here, with us cursed pirates. He was mine to own. But then, his words penetrated my thoughts...

"Can't breathe... Agenor... you're... killing me..."

Killing him? I shook myself out of my tumultuous thoughts and glanced at Nyx. His eyes were brimming with tears and fear was etched on his face. Shit, shit, shit. I didn't want to kill him. I had released my grip on his neck but I didn't back away. Instead, my fingers wandered through his hair and gripped onto his black silky locks tightly. He coughed heavily and held his neck with one hand while gripping my arm with the other. Blaming eyes met mine as he hit my chest and spoke in a courageous yet sad voice...

"Damn you, Agenor... if you want to kill me, just... just hand me a sword and we'll fight like real men."

"Fucking hell, Nyx," I yell, yanking his face close to mine.

"Again with the killing. You think I'm out to get you?"

"You strangled me. Out of nowhere. What the hell's wrong with you?"

"You lied to me," I screamed, and he stared back in full confusion.

"Lied? I never lied to you."

His eyes held a determined look.

"That's it. I can't take this anymore. You've been messing with my mind ever since I stepped onto this damn ship. Accusing me of things I never did," he said, pausing for a second before continuing with daring eyes.

"You want me to go by pirate rules? Fine. I challenge you, Agenor."

[twistedthings]

          ――――――――――― ⌽ ―――――――――――

Her mind was on the edge of losing itself to the dissociative coping mechanisms she'd used for years to deal with every bad thing that had ever happened to her. She didn't know why such things always happened to her. Why that man had kidnapped her so many years ago, why her mother had fallen into an unstirring coma, or why Marty had struck her. But what perplexed the pretty blonde the most were the words that were coming out of Cade's mouth. She stood still, afraid that if she moved even an inch he would take his hand from her neck and she'd be without his touch. Her eyes blinked, his thumb swiping at the fresh tears that fell and Jessia couldn't help how she trembled slightly, watery blue eyes watching his features and seeing him express such protectiveness, such comfort in the same vein, it was fascinating and no one had ever done anything similar for Jessia.

She wondered when the last time was when she had shown her anger. Let out all her emotions in one moment of trust with another person knowing they'd be there for her no matter how ugly her crying got, no matter what she did, they'd be there for her and with the more he spoke, the more his eyes moved over her to inspect for more damage, something in Jessia told her that Cade was safe. Not just because of his job or for the fact he was helping her now. But because she so easily relaxed, leaned into his touch even, she was shaking some and she couldn't figure out why but she shifted on her feet, drawing just a few inches closer to Cade. Suddenly wanting more of his touch, his comfort and to be encompassed in his arms.

"I don't want to be angry…" she said finally, surprised that was the first thing that passed partially parted lips and she blinked again, that surprise obvious there as she looked up at Cade thoughtfully, perhaps almost stunned simply because she was expressing what she never. "But I am… I'm… I'm furious, I want him to hurt, I want him to know what I felt like when he…" more tears, hot and pouring from crystalline blue eyes that showed her deep seeded rage, a rage caused years prior to this moment but rearing its head at the first given chance because she locked it away. The anger she never got to express from being fucking kidnapped and putting her own mother in the hospital, the anger at her father for abandoning her, it was all there and suddenly it was at the surface burning right in the center of her chest and if Jessia wasn't careful it would put h forward in a display of unnatural powers no one needed to know about.

Her blonde head shook just slightly to answer his inquiry on whether she'd been hurt elsewhere, eyes falling shut to keep from shedding more tears, more angry, furious tears and she brought her other hand up to brace against Cade's arm, the one he had against her neck, and she took a few deep breaths to steady herself before she spoke again. "I don't wanna be here anymore… Please, take me somewhere else," she said, her voice betraying all the emotions and anger she truly felt as it cracked and she almost sobbed again, holding onto Cade's arm for support and confirmation she wouldn't just float away. "-- I can't… I can't be here anymore."

Panic was setting in because as hard as she tried to lock them away, bolt them behind a door in her mind, once those angry feelings surfaced it let through everything else. All the fear, panic, and helplessness settled into her bones and she swayed a step, catching herself but shocked she'd even faltered. She hadn't been hit that hard to where she couldn't walk but there she was about to have a fucking panic attack. Her eyes snapped open and she met Cade's gaze and she shook her head again trying to convey that she couldn't get herself to move, limbs locked in a state of distress and panic. She didn't have much control over how her body was reacting now. "I think I'm having a panic attack." Jessia gasped softly, squeezing his arm where she held onto it and she swallowed slowly.

She wished she believed him. Deep down Jessi knew that she didn't deserve any of this, any of what had happened to her. Cade was right. It was no excuse. The thought of Marty hurting because of what he'd done, of that man hurting for what he'd done, of her father finally realizing how much he'd hurt her by abandoning a child when she needed him the most. It was enough to break her hold on whatever fraction of control Jessia had and a cracked sob emitted her lungs with her next exhale through her mouth and she shut her eyes again. Trying to reign her emotions in, knowing how dangerous it could be if she let them go without restraint. "I don't care where you take me just get me the fuck out of here." She said again in a tone so riddled with emotions and fractured control the blonde almost whined, she hated being seen like this, so broken and fragmented. A broken shell of who she really was. Who she wanted to be.

"You're allowed to be angry, Jessia, you're allowed to be furious and however you need to get that our, let it out, whether it is to shout about it, cry, or hit something, so be it." better than anything he understood that, that in this situation you needed to process the rage however it presented. He was always a fighter, answered his rage with more fights than he should've in his life but that is what led him to where he was now, the security company he owned.. it was because he'd earned respect from people, from tough people that fucking underestimated him. He'd fight black and blue before he let someone talk down to him or walk all over him. He'd not see anyone make her feel small either because he'd been there, feeling small. It wasn't a good place.

"Marty." he repeated and already his voice held more gravel in it than it had previously. Marty was going to pay for hitting a woman, more importantly for hitting such a pretty face, for making her fucking cry. Absolutely, not. He'd stayed there, his hand cupping her neck, his large hands splaying so that his thumbs could wipe some of those fresh tears as they fell. "Did he hurt you anywhere else? When he pushed you way?" he asked, his eyes carefully examining that redness on her cheek, the blood staining the tissue. He knew an accidental hit and this was not it.

"It's alright sweetheart, I've got you now, s'all gonna be okay with me hm?" his rougher voice promised. He was gravel and grit, he was a few toughly learned life lessons but got his touch was gentle for her. As gentle as his calloused hands knew how to be. "Now you listen to me and listen to me well, there isn't any world in which that was an accident, not in public, not other trying to stop someone walking away, not voer petty arguments that mean fuck all. You are not to blame for somebody elses uncontrolled anger, you are not to blame for someone elses poor judgement and you are not to blame for someone elses choices whether good or bad, okay? This isn't your fault, no matter what that damn argument was about, whether it was you or him, or whether it was mother fucking nature, it is no excuse."

"Do you want to come with me? We can go get you some water, sit down in the back, just me and you, nobody else has to see you upset if you don't want them to." he tried to give a reassuring smile but he knew.. he minute he got the chance? Marty was going to be wheezing breathlessly for weeks, he'd wear more than his share of deserved bruises and he'd be out of a job. Cade didn't want any man like that, working for him. "And listen if you don't feel very safe? I can get you a hotel room if you live with that jackass, I can walk you wherever you need to go n' I won't go anywhere, until you feel safe, okay? I'm telling you that I've got you and I mean it, I've got you."

[a-writer-on-elm-street]

Seeing Red

Pairing: Daryl x Sister!Reader

Request: Could you do a story where reader is daryl’s sister and before the apocalypse she had the tendency to get into fist fights to deal with her emotions, but has matured a lot since then. but when the lineup happens and daryl gets taken she goes back into that mindset and no one but daryl can bring her out of it?

A/N: Okay so it took me quite a while to figure out how I wanted to do this but I hope this is okay!

As you sat on the grass, staring mindlessly at the gates, you struggled to push that night out of your mind. Ever since that night, you haven't been able to stop seeing it. The image of your brother being carted off after what Negan had done. If you didn't think it would make things worse, you would've tried to kill Negan right then and there. But he killed Glenn because Daryl had clearly had the same idea.

You were both never really good at keeping your anger in check, and you couldn't help but think that if Daryl had just stopped himself, then maybe he'd still be here. Because it was damn well hard without him.

After Negan took him, you left Alexandria and came to Hilltop because you just couldn't stand to be there anymore. You thought it might help, but it hadn't. Because even as you sat here alone, you could feel the anger thrashing around inside you. And you were struggling to hold it in.

"I need to talk to you." Jesus suddenly said, coming up behind you.

"No." You couldn't be around anyone right now. You were afraid you'd hurt someone if they got too close. "Leave me alone."

"(y/n), it's really important." He tried to say, reaching down to put a hand on your shoulder.

You shot up from the ground then, becoming increasingly irritated now. "Did you not here me? I said no!"

"Please, just...come with me for a moment."

"Just leave me the hell alone!" You shouted, forcefully shoving him in the chest. But that wasn't the end of it. You'd been holding this rage in for so long that you couldn't keep it in anymore. And unfortunately, it was going to have to come out now.

You practically launched yourself at him, repeatedly hitting him in the chest as tears began to escape your eyes. "Go away! Just go away!" You repeated over and over as you hit at his chest.

He didn't even fight back, he just stood there whilst you attacked him.

Although your attack on him was quickly directed at nothing as you forced yourself to turn away from him, screaming as you did.

You fell to your knees, roughly pounding your fists against the ground. You did this over and over again until your felt someone's hands on your shoulders.

And then you heard his voice. "Hey, hey. Stop."

You turned around to see him crouched in front of you, his eyes glossy with tears.

"Daryl?" You choked out.

He didn't say anything as he looked down at you. He looked so broken.

You stood up with him and you could feel yourself shaking as you watched him in front of you, unable to believe that he was actually here.

All that anger that was pent up inside of you then started to dissipate and it was replaced by a sense of desperation as you flung yourself at your brother, pulling him to you.

"I thought I'd never see you again." You said in a desperate whisper as you clutched tightly at his shoulders, unwilling to let him go.

"Same." You heard him mumble into your shoulder.

"I'm gonna kill Negan, I swear to God."

He stood back from you then, keeping his hands on your shoulders. "No, we're gonna kill that son of a bitch together."

[lostysworld]

A healing touch – Kaz Brekker x reader

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 (final)

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x reader

Warning: OOC (I hope it's not too much in this chapter :D), a little bit of angst.

Summary: something inevitable happens, that causes you to reveal your true feelings

A/N: I hope guys, you'll like it) Also I was hit by the song "Paradise" by Chase Atlantic, and I think it's perfect for them here))

Masterlist

The weather is perfect. Perfect for visiting your friends in the Crow Club. You don't have any plans for the whole day, and not even for helping your parents in the bakery, so you decide to spend this morning with pleasure.

The anticipation of seeing Kaz is so strong, after yesterday's evening, that your fingertips are tingling with joy. Does it mean, he will finally start treating you another way, more...intimate.

But when you come up to the club's doors, two men from Brekker's guard block your way. As you want to ask what the matter is, Jasper appears behind their backs.

– It's okay, guys. Let me settle this, - he claps their shoulders and comes to you.

– What's going on, Jas? - it is strange, that you are not allowed to go further. The boy's glance changes from cheerful to sympathetic one.

– I'm afraid, you are banished, Y/N.

– What?! Kaz banished me?

What you could possibly do to cause such a move from the man. When you left him yesterday's night, everything was alright.

– I want to talk to him.

– Y/N, I don't think-

– He banished me from the club, and, as I suppose, from the Slat too, and if it's his decision, I will not argue. But I only want to know the reason, Jas, - for a second you are peering at each other intensely. – Do I not deserve it?

– You do.

– Lead the way, then.

You may be a ray of sunshine, as others see you, but you also have a strength to fight back, if it's necessary. And now it is the time.

The wooden ladder squeaks under your steps, and you can swear, that Kaz already learns about your presence in the club. Well, he'd better know.

On the last stair you step forwards in front of Jasper, opening the door in Kaz's office. The man is sitting behind his table, showered with different documents. Rapidly he raises his head to meet you in the doorway.

Jasper takes a step back and leaves you two for his own sake.

Brekker furrows, his jaw's clenched.

– As far as I know, you are banished form the club, Y/N.

– We both know, I don't obey your orders.

You look at each other with such anger and rage, but deeply in your chest you still feel resentment towards him.

– What the matter, Kaz, - you throw you hands up, coming closer. Brekker doesn't move, he doesn't even take a step back from you. – Have I done something wrong?

Your eyes are roaming across his face. Kaz looks tired, as if he didn't sleep that night at all, dark circles under his eyes become more visible.

– Nothing, - he stands out of the table, leaning on its side now with arms crossed on his chest.

– Nothing? Is it your answer? - the man is still silent. – Don't want to give me a reason?

Of course he doesn't have to, but you think, he will do it as your friend. Even if you see him as much more than a friend to you.

– Kaz, we are friends-

– Yes...'friends', - his voice is full of unhidden venom, that makes you furious and lost at the same time. – Your friends are downstairs, and you still can meet them outside of the club.

You still don't understand, but something tells you, Brekker won't explain you anything. He has his own strange reasons, and, like everything else about him, you just have to accept this.

The man waves you off.

– If it's all, - he switches his displeased gaze on you. – I still have a lot of work.

Is it the end? He just doesn't want to see you anymore.

– Of course, Mr. Brekker, - he flinches barely visibly from your addressing. – I will no longer bother you.

You comes out, slamming the door behind your back.

Kaz closes his tired eyes rubbing his face. What did you want to hear from him? What could he possibly tell? That he doesn't want you here because of the constant life-threatening? That he serves as a magnet for all killers in Ketterdam, and is afraid that you will pay his price?

You'd better stay in your little shiny bakery and never met him in years.

The sudden urge to abandon it all and stop you from leaving is overweighted by his common sense, and he just throws everything from his table in anger.

Kaz Brekker is never drunk, but now something is driving him to the bottle of whiskey in his drawer.

Even if the man doesn't want to remember this now, the day, when he first met Y/N, is so vivid in front of his eyes.

Flashback.

It is a winter evening, almost night, calm and snowy, and Kaz comes out of the Slat to find Jasper, whom all of them are waiting for discussing the next heist. And why he of all of people, should look for him?

It is cold, and the man shrugs his shoulders. His leather gloves don't bring him any warm at all and his fingertips start freezing.

After a half an hour of wandering across the town, he finally hears that familiar voice and sees Jasper along with a young woman, who the boy is hugging with one arm.

– Why should I search for you, Jasper, while you're having fun with another girlfriend of yours?

Brekker is grim, but after one glance at the girl next to Jas, he feels a bit confused. Her wide y/c eyes seem looking right inside his soul.

– I'm not his girlfriend.

As fast as the boy opens his mouth to explain, the girl cuts him off. Her voice is calm, but the man catches a sparkle of surprise in it.

Jasper waves her to Brekker.

– It's Kaz, he's my boss, - the girl steps forwards and extends her arms for a handshake.

– Nice to meet you, Kaz, - a mischievous sparkle shines inside her gaze. – I'm Y/N.

Her voice rings, not getting lost in a noisy crowd. The way the young woman calls his name sounds...nice, and Brekker blinks for several times to return his previous cold demeanor.

She still stands with her hand awaiting for his reaction, and when Jasper wants to say about Brekker's touch aversion, the man instantly grabs her hand in his and shakes.

– Kaz Brekker, miss.

Her touch is warm, he feels it even through his glove. And all of her radiates with warmness, actually Kaz thinks it's a smell of baked bread.

A knowing grin appears on Jasper's face and he decides to keep quiet instead.

End of flashback.

Slowly you became a part of the team, and Kaz wondered for a thousand of times, how natural your presence was. It felt like the Crows have been knowing you for their whole lives.

And now you are gone, and it is his fault only. But Kaz would better know that you're safe, somewhere far away from him and his doubtful fortune.

The chilly wind becomes colder, as you make your way around Ketterdam, deciding not to come back to the bakery after your fight with Kaz. Otherwise you couldn't escape your mother's questions.

Slowly your anger calms down, and while the night falls on the town, you find yourself near the Slat.

Knowing this area you would never appear here in this time of the day or without any company, like Jas or Inej. Like Kaz.

You shake your head. Kaz kicks you out of his club like you have never belonged there, severing all the ties between you.

You feel yourself like a little naive girl, who is twisted around the finger will all your trust and friendship stuff.

There is no one except you on a narrow dark street, where only one lamppost is lit. Suddenly you hear steps behind you, that are echoing from dull stone walls of slams.

You turn around to see two men coming to you, as cold shiver runs down your spine. No way it can end up well.

You fasten you steps, noticing that the two behind you do the same. When you start running, you already abandon all thoughts about escaping alive.

In the end you bump into a wall, that can mean only a dead end of the street. Perfect, just perfect. Intending to come back while it's not that late, you doesn't notice a dark side street between two old houses, that may be your escape route.

But you still hesitate, and when you refuse to go there, someone's arm grabs you and drags into the alley.

Instantly a gloved hand closes your mouth, in case you want to scream. This familiar glance of Kaz in front of you calms down your rapidly beating heart, that pounds in your throat.

You exhale in relief, and both stand like this until the strangers' step disappear. He is so close to you, there is no an inch of space in between, but his palm. Slowly, he drops his hand, making sure that you won't scream.

He looks at you intensely like this for some minutes, and when the street is empty and silent, Brekker takes a step back.

– What the hell are you doing! - of course you could thank him first, but just can't hold back these words.

– Follow me.

He nods and goes further, not looking at you, trying to bring you to the safe place. After some time you find yourselves at the Slat with no Crows on the first floor.

Without a word you come with him into his room. Honestly, you don't have a slightest idea, what he is going to tell you now, after you morning incident.

The door is closed, and it feels like your freedom is cut off by his own hands.

– When I last saw you, I was a whiny pain in the ass, - you arch a brow at him. – And now you are waiting for me on the streets to save from a pair of thugs.

Brekker is silently watching you and it starts to drive you mad.

– Did you bring me here to keep quite, Kaz? - you watch him turn with his back to you and freeze. – At least tell me, what were you doing-

– That is the reason! - Brekker slams his hand on the table surface, and you flinch. – You think, that I don't care, but it's not true.

– Kaz-

– I banished you from the club, because I simply don't want you dead. Or this day didn't teach you anything?

– So you don't want me here? - your gaze is locked on the man. – You just throw me out.

– Is it the only thing you've heard?

– Than why I'm here now?

You know, he wants you alive, it is his only intention, but it's time for you to settle this. When Brekker doesn't respond, you go on.

– Oh, I can tell you, why, - you take several steps towards him, and the man doesn't move away. – Because I'm much safer here, in the Crow club or in the Slat, doesn't matter. Any place, where you are, I'm safer, Kaz.

– But you...you deserve more than the Crow club or the Slat, - he comes up to you, leaving a short distance between. – You deserve so much more, Y/N, and I can't give you that.

It is enough. Your emotions overwhelm you, and all anger, resentment and longing for the man you love now turn into tears, that are just flowing freely down your cheeks. You know every thing, that Kaz thinks about himself, and you just want him to shut up. Only because he deserves more too.

– I'm not asking for more, Brekker. Why don't you see it?

– Why are you so stubborn? - Kaz shortens the distance, taking his gloves off. He is watching a stray tear on your cheek, but can't force himself to raise his hand and brush it off.

– Because I love you, Kaz. If you want it or not.

The man stays speechless. Not that he doesn't want it, but he just doesn't expect your feelings. He shakes his head.

– It won't end up well.

– It isn't supposed to end, Kaz! - his answer only makes you cry more, as you turn away from him, starting roaming around the room. Why should he always be like this? – Unless you want it to end, of course.

– And what do you want, huh?! - the anger slowly overflows him. – If everything stays like this, that will only give you another reason to hate me in the end, Y/N!

– What do I want? I want to spend my life with you, Brekker, every single moment of it, - you throw your hands up in displeasure. – But as I see, it's not mutual.

Kaz is still silent, and you only have to leave him be. You don't want to hurt him with your words, and knowing that, you'd better go away now.

When you go downstairs, you see Nina and Matthias, but don't even turn to her, calling you. You know, it's rude, but nothing matters now.

[artistsfuneral]

HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYY 🎉

Prompt no. 2, geraskier or lambden? 💖

Thank you! 💐🎉

2. "I didn't ask to fall in love with you!"

lambden (because I'm soft), arguing, screaming, angst, accidental love declaration, getting together, mutagens: aiden has cheetah fangs and lambert has a hackle (line of fur growing down his neck and ending between his shoulder blades) simply because I wanted them to

---

He couldn't- Lambert couldn't remember how it had started.

It probably was his fault, he had been agitated for days, ever since they had walked through that ulcer of a village. He finally must have snapped, must have said something that had gone too far, that had been one remark too much. Aiden had stopped in the middle of the trail and had spit at his feet and the burning anger inside Lambert's coiling stomach had finally boiled over.

They had been screaming at each other for what felt like hours. There, in the middle of a forest on a small deer trail they had started arguing. Arguing had turned into yelling, had turned into blindly insulting each other, had turned into screaming and hissing. Surely the whole forest must have heard them.

They were barely five feet apart, every muscle tensed up, ready to fight. Aiden bared his fangs, snarling and growling, his voice hoarse. Lambert's hackle was raised to the very point, pupils blown wide and nose scrunched up in a dangerous snarl. The tension between them was electrifying, wild chaos flickering in the air.

“You never know when it's enough!” Aiden screamed, eyes and voice filled with an impossible rage. Lambert never had seen him like this before, it would have scared him if he wasn't just as angry. Aiden's fist hit the air in a wild gesture. “You always have to push and push until nobody fucking likes you anymore!”

“I wouldn't have to if for once you would have the balls to stand up for yourself, you pathetic cretin!” The wolf screamed back, words on his tongue he never thought to use regarding Aiden. Any other moment it would have left him feeling sick, but the cat's words were just as sharp as his own.

“I can speak for myself perfectly fine you bloody asshole! I just don't walk around pissing at people's feet because they look me in the eyes!” Aiden's chest rumbled with a roar.

“Fuck you!” Lambert hissed, his stomach turning. “Do you know how much I do for you? Do you have any idea how many times I had to drag you out of the mud, because you just can't say no?!” His fists were shaking with how hard he clenched them together.

“Well I didn't ask you to follow me around!”

Lambert's eyes burned. “And I didn't ask to fall in love with you!” He immediately froze, slowly realizing what he had done, what he had just confessed. He couldn't look Aiden in the eyes, couldn't bring himself to raise his head, from where it was fixed on the forest floor. Lambert turned and ran.

He held no chance. Lambert was a wolf, he grew up running through forests and over mountains, he knew how to dodge boulders, jump over fallen logs and dart around trees. But he was no match to Aiden's mutagens. The cat was fast, faster than any witcher he ever met and it was only a matter of time, before a hand got hold of his wrist and painfully pulled him around, making them both fall to the ground.

Aiden took hold of his arms and pinned him down, haunted eyes staring right into the wolf's. “Do you love me?” Aiden blurted out. He felt humiliated, pinned to the ground, tears streaming down his face and Aiden had nothing better to do than mock him. “Fuck you!”

“Do you love me?” Aiden asked again, this time louder, more demanding. Lambert crumbled. “Yes.”

An ugly curse fell from the cat's lips and suddenly he was kissing Lambert. “I love you too, you fucking idiot,” he whispered against the wolf's lips and gently wiped Lambert's tears away.

.

from this prompt list

[caesthetix]

KIDS IN LOVE — Pt. 3 Old Friend

↪Porco Galliard mini-series

↪content; canon universe, description of violence, unrequited love, admiring from afar, season 4 spoiler, manga spoiler 127

"Hoi, (Y/n)! Can you help me with this stew?!" Hange shouted even though you were just a few metres away from them. "I know I said I will cook today, but I think something is missing!" You could only shake your head in amusement before plucking some rosemary and edible mushrooms that you could find.

"I'll be there in a few minutes, Hange." You answered with the same enthusiasm, yet a lot calmer tone compared to the rowdy brunette. Someone from the survey corps assisted you in your task, searching for some oyster mushrooms or morels that grew nearby. The name was Connie, if you were not mistaken.

"You know, I used to do this with my best friend." He spoke up, it was the first time he tried to initiate a conversation with you. "She was a good hunter, her aiming was like something out of this world, and she knew a lot of things about woods too." He looked so excited as he shared a piece of his life, but you could hear the melancholy lingering there in his voice.

In this endless war between Marley and Paradis, you wondered how many people lost their loved ones. Everyone was fighting their own battle inside their heart, setting aside all the grief so they could continue to devote their heart to the war. And a small moment shared like this was the only normal thing that could be found.

"She seemed lovely." You answered with a gentle smile on your face, putting the mushrooms to the basket.

"Oh, she is not." He snorted as he dismissed the compliment. "She is anything but lovely. A prankster, gluttonous, she only had one goal in her life and that was to reclaim our freedom so she could do nothing but eat."

You chuckled at that, even letting out a snort too at how he grumbled under his breath.

"Well, at least she seemed fun to be around with." He didn't argue with you on that and shared with you a few memories that he had with her. How she ate a warm potato in front of the Cadet Corps instructor, even giving the old man half of it, not caring that everyone looked at her with horror.

You learned a lot with just a simple story that he shared with you. Connie could be a prankster, somewhat reckless too, yet he would do anything to protect his friends. The two of you spent time together plucking mushrooms and sharing past lives, holding on to the new comfort that was found before getting back to duty.

"By the way, I think I remember where I heard your name before." He grabbed the basket in your hand as he walked beside you to the camp. "Niccolo, the other chef from Marley was close with my best friend, and he told us that he had a fellow chef who could cook even better than him."

"You know Niccolo?" You whipped your head to face him, ignoring the fact that your friend just praised you so easily. You couldn't contain your excitement, someone from Paradis knew your friend after all.

"Yes, I could say we are pretty close. Since Sasha, that gluttonous best friend of mine, kinda had a thing with him." He wiggled his eyebrows playfully, making you chuckle in an instant knowing the implication. Now you wanted to meet her for real, it would be lovely to see your friend being flustered over a woman.

As the laugh between you died down, silence followed you once again, but it was not one that made you want to excuse yourself out from. He started to loosen up around you, and it was good to know that at least some of them didn't set a deadly eye upon you like how it used to.

"I will take it from here." You snatched back the basket from his hand before rushing ahead to Hange, making him bewildered with how sudden it was. You didn't stop your pace, but you turned for a while to wave at him. "See you later, Connie! I will cook tasty food for all of you!"

The scout was taken aback by your words just now. Knowing that someone who days ago was his enemy by nation, now would cook for them was something that even he couldn't believe. He didn't know what drives you to fight, you mentioned that it was freedom, but somehow he felt that it was a little more than that.

But it didn't matter what it was anymore, he was happy to know you now.

"I wish you could meet her, Sasha."

〄

You were not really surprised that something like this would happen. One second everyone was eating stew together, another Jean was tackling Reiner to the ground for telling the truth about something that happened a few years ago when he was here. There was so much rage inside Jean's eyes, something that you never saw from him since he always seemed to be the calmest among all.

Well, you only knew him for a few days, of course, you wouldn't know much about the rest of them.

You flinched when you saw Reiner getting beaten up, his face was now covered with his own blood. It was no secret that he could heal himself, but anger like this was dangerous to be kept alive. Everyone started to get along, this was not something that you wanted to see, because now, it felt like a drawback on both sides.

You couldn't take the shouting anymore, you couldn't bear to see two people that were supposed to be friends like this because of these circumstances. From the corner of your eyes, you saw how Gabi wanted to throw herself on top of Reiner.

But you stopped her, pushing her petite body out of the way before replacing her place.

"Jean!"

You gripped Reiner's shoulders so tight as you felt Jean's feet kicking your ribcage. Tears build up in your eyes, either it was from the guilt of wanting freedom by killing the Eldian in Paradis or because of the pain, you didn't know anymore.

This was too much for you, violence. Porco warned you that someday you would see more than just someone hurting an enemy. In war, even friends could turn into a foe. You let Gabi do the talking, yet all she said was left unanswered as Jean wriggled himself free and turned around.

"Hey, I think we should do something for you." You heard Annie's soft voice as she put her hand on your back. This gesture was enough to make you lift your face, teary eyes staring back to the blue orbs. "It hit right on your rib cage, right? We need to check if it is broken or something."

Gritting your teeth, you slowly moved your body to sit. Everyone was watching you carefully, even the rest of the scouts were looking at you with worry in their eyes. You tried to keep the expression on your face as neutral as possible, didn't want to show them that it hurts.

"I am fine, Annie. You should take care of Reiner." You answered her with a monotonous voice, blinking back the tears that were threatening to spill before. "It was nothing that I couldn't handle."

Annie didn't look convinced at your response, she narrowed her eyes a little, observing your face who was now averting her gaze by looking down.

"You are not a titan shifter, you can't heal yourself." She stated, not wanting to back down knowing how stubborn you could be. "You didn't grow to be a warrior or a soldier, you are just a chef."

"I am not weak!" You knew that she didn't mean any harm by saying that. "And I am not a kid either!" But that didn't mean it hurt any less.

"Hey, I didn't say that you are weak, and no one said that you are a kid���"

"Porco did!"

You balled your hand into a fist, sucking a deep breath as you wanted to keep your emotion in check. Annie was taken aback by your sudden outburst, even mentioning the dead comrade. Letting out a long sigh, you relaxed your hand.

"Porco always said that, Annie." You continued, still looking down as you felt so vulnerable. "And I am tired. I want to be stronger so I can keep on living, so I could reach my freedom." Then you lifted your head, now finally looked at her. "Our freedom." Something that your old friend couldn't get to see in this world.

You gave her a small smile before looking down to see Reiner, feeling relieved that he started to let out some steam, notifying that he had started to heal. Suddenly, you felt something pushing at your back, making you yelp as you didn't expect someone trying to put pressure on your body.

"Becoming stronger doesn't mean you neglect any pain that you felt." You widened your eyes as you saw Pieck, who was now in titan form, now sitting beside you. "You need to take care of your body, keeping your mind and emotions in check, don't be reckless and let Annie take a look at your rib cage."

You frowned at this, feeling like a little kid being scolded by her parents. Pieck could always change your heart despite some hurtful truth that she always spouted. She pushed you once again with her mouth so now you stumbled on Annie's arms.

Annie let out a small chuckle when she saw the pout on your face. She hoisted you up slowly, making sure that the gesture didn't hurt you more. You were still reluctant at first, but you knew better than to argue in front of them. She grabbed your arm and guided you further to check you up, and as you walked, you could see from the corner of your eyes how the scouts were all worried about you.

"Come on, soldier, let me see how your wound is." Annie pulled you back from your thought, her eyes fixated forward. Even if she was always detached when you were a kid, she tends to have a soft spot for fellow warriors and close friends.

"Alright." You answered softly, letting her take care of you. "Thank you, Annie."

"It's nothing." She shrugged her shoulders, and you were grateful that you had comrades who could get through your stubborn head. "After all, if Porco was here and you neglected the care, he would be the one who threw a tantrum at us for not convincing you better."

"Annie, not cool!"

〄

The sun seemed to be so cruel today, the sweats on your forehead didn't seem to stop as you sat on the wooden cart. On your left was Falco, he seemed to cling into you so much as Gabi did the same on your right, though careful not to put much pressure on your rib cage where you took Jean's hit last night.

You thanked God that it turned out to be nothing. There were some bruises on your skin, but your bones remained intact. Though sometimes you would still winch as the cart passed some bumps on the road.

"Miss (L/n), how are you feeling?" Falco asked softly, his big hazel eyes staring at you. You blinked, somehow seeing his big brother inside those beautiful orbs. He was caring, an optimist, no wonder Colt would sacrifice his life if that meant this little kid would not feel abandoned.

"Ah, it's nothing to worry about, Falco." You raised your arm that wrapped around his shoulder before patting his head. "It was just a scratch." Your orbs eyeing the man across you, Jean, who now had his head hanging low. You didn't want to worry anyone, and a little bruise was something that you could handle.

He nodded, seeming satisfied with your answer, and you thanked God once again that they were not too pushy like Annie and Pieck. His little fingers grasping on your green cloak, somehow didn't want to let it go.

The cart was filled with silence, and if only the sun was not cruel today, you bet that those two kids would be asleep in no time.

"Miss," Falco spoke up once again, earning a single hum from you, telling him to continue. "I don't mean to bring this up now. But," He hesitated, a look of conflict written all over his face. "I-I just want to say thank you."

"What for, dear?" You locked your gaze on him, now confused since you felt like you haven't done a lot in his life.

"For everything!" He exclaimed. "For making that tasty stew last night, for giving us warrior candidates free dessert when we passed by the restaurant, for telling us it's okay to be just a kid sometimes." Ah, you remembered that day. "And most of all," He trailed off before clearing his throat. "Thank you for making my brother happy."

Your lips parted, eyes never left his face as he gave you a beautiful smile. You could feel Reiner glanced at you with a knowing look, while Annie just raised one of her eyebrows in confusion. You felt like you stopped breathing as you processed the information, your mind suddenly played some of the memories that you had with the older Grice.

His never-ending smile when the kids were around, his serious expression that occurred when the talk of war was brought up, his gentle gaze that loved to settle on you —

"What are you looking at?"

You couldn't help but call him out as he stared in your direction. It was not like you were irritated, but more like you afraid his gaze would affect you in any kind of way. Though it seemed like your question just in from one ear and out from the other. "Colt, stop it, I swear."

"What?" He protested, a smile that tugged on his lips showing you that he knew you were not angry at him. "Is that so wrong to look at you?" So he did look at you.

"Well, I am here just to bake them some cake. Shouldn't you keep watch of them? What if they were missing?"

The warrior candidates; Gabi, Falco, Udo, Zofia, and Colt himself, were visiting your workplace before continuing their journey to the headquarters. They still had an hour before a meeting with the warriors, and Udo was begging for a free dessert that he would get if they stopped by your place.

While waiting for the cake to be done, the kids were running around the huge restaurant where you mainly served the Marley Military and the Warrior Unit. They were off the instant you told them to explore, saying that they should enjoy their time before getting drilled by the Commander.

You expected the big brother to follow them, but he ended up just sitting on one of the stools near the kitchen island, deciding to accompany you instead. When you prepared the ingredients and baked, you could feel his hazel eyes lingered on your form.

"They wouldn't like it if I go with them." He scoffed, feeling a little bit hurt. "Falco would shout at me to be with you instead, saying I am such a coward for—" He cleared his throat then as he realised his mistake. "Nevermind, those kids just didn't like to be accompanied by me all the time after all."

"Hm, that's an acceptable excuse." You chuckled softly, your words making him blush a deep shade of red at your accusation.

"I am not lying! Falco really said—"

"Calm down, Colt." You walked towards him and patted his shoulder lightly. "I am just messing with you, you know I trust you with anything." A gentle smile appeared on your lips as you gazed at him, and you could feel him stiffening in an instance.

Remembering something, you retracted your hand, somehow feeling guilty. You cast your gaze down as you recalled what Porco said about him a few nights before, something about how the older Grice took a liking to you. And no, not in a platonic way.

"You know, you don't have to think about it," Colt whispered, enough for you to hear. "I know who you set your eyes on, and I never expected you to look at me like that." He said it carefully, and you wondered how come he understood what you were feeling.

"But, Colt—"

"There was nothing for you to worry about." He chuckled, though you could hear a hint of sadness lingering there. "I never expected to have this kind of feeling too. But I am alright with that, I am grateful that when I feel like this, it was with you."

He looked up, giving you his signature smile. However, you knew this time it didn't reach his eyes, and you didn't dare to say anything. "I understand my place, (Y/n)." He continued, now reaching out his hand to ruffle your hair, the gesture felt so bittersweet yet comforting as it lingered even after he withdrew his hand.

"I am happy enough to have met you."

"It was nothing," You swallowed a huge lump, letting the tears blinding your vision as you ruffled the light blonde hair that belonged to Falco, doing the same thing that Colt always did to you to give comfort. "It was nothing."

↪Back to Wall Maria

↪Send an ask if you want to be a citizen of Paradis (taglist)!

[bxllafanficc]

A world without heroes

Summary: Loki is imprisoned after the sudden attack on New York and with that, rest of the earth. And while you always thought you would have your lover's back, you find yourself unable to forgive this one. It's time for you to decide when enough's enough.

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x reader

Sidenote: This was inspired by the song "A world without heroes" from KISS. I just immediately though about a moment where reader would be thrown into a deep sea of darkness after finding out the major betrayal lingering beneath many layers of Loki Laufeyson's charismatic persona.

The cold surface of the bulletproof glass is supposed to have a large impact on your wrist as the two objects collide. It's supposed to hurt but it doesn't. The glass is meant to stand and for you to give up. You're meant to lay off and calm down; meaning, stop slamming your fist into the cell like if it was going to break if you just willed your way through.

They say that if you want something enough, you possess the power to do anything. But what do you want to such an extent? More importantly, what does he want? What did he really want? Has he ever wanted any more than a throne to sit on? Or was there something more to it? Did he even know what it really meant? And if so, did he realize the consequences of his actions; not just by the billions of lives he would have destroyed, but his family, yours and especially his own as well.

A part of you wants to believe that he was under some kind of control; that he wasn't really conscious these past days. All the lives he already stole, you want to think that if he had a choice, he would've spared them. You want to believe it all so badly. You want to throw all your common sense away and just collapse into his arms. Give him a tender kiss and gaze into his eyes with lingering warmth like you used to. To forgive and forget.

But the common sense stays where it should be. You can't. Because the past days he's been imprisoned, he's confirmed every action. He doesn't even defend anything; thinks he doesn't need to. Rock-hard believing his decision was the right one to make when he really had no right.

And your eyes are no more tender and soft; but clouded and swollen, piercing through the pair of eyes on the other side of the glass. And your mouth is not tasting the sensetion of sweet lips. Only the salty wetness of your tears pooling like mad rivers.

Your chest feels heavy and about to explode. You need to scream; feel like that's the only solution to relieve the pressure. You almost feel like you're being choked. Choked on love, choked on hope, air, trust, literally everything your life has contained so far.

And the man in front of you doesn't seem to understand how your world is seemingly falling apart before him. The pure confusion in his eyes is twisting your stomach and your feel like throwing up.

"I thought I knew you."

Your sobs has quieted down. Before, you weren't able to speak very well. You just had to wait the storm out until it came rushing back ten times worse next time.

"You do, darling. You always have."

Calm as a snake and laid back. He doesn't even seem to realize that every word spoken will matter in the following moments of actions where you will decide both your fates for him.

"Did I, really? How can you look me in the eyes and say that with your disgusting pride!" You spit at the glass; aim at his feet but it doesn't seem to faze him a tiny bit. You want to bring out a reaction from him, cause maybe then, you would get some sense of honesty out of him.

"My disgusting pride? The world we're living in is disgusting and twisted. How can you even compare midgardians brutality and greediness to Asgards prosperity and beauty?"

You don't want to hear this talk again. Only a couple of years ago, you would have ignored it as just one of his endless bitter rants and thought nothing more of it, not knowing that he was actually planning to find an end to his irritation.

"(Y/n), darling, You have agreed with me on this! We agreed that humans are short minded, only good for the cause of starting a war between their own race and assassinate each other. Their petty little lives are doomed anyway."

You can't even process the amount of irony and hypocrisy seeping through his sentences. You want to scream at him. You want to hold him. You want to cry, give him a piece of your mind. But you want to fall asleep in his arms. You miss his embrace so much. Endless tiredness since he vanished, only to find he's become a monster.

Your fists attempts to break the glass once again, aiming at his perfect eyes. Those damn eyes. The same eyes you used to adore. You still do. Torn between what you want and what you should do.

"You had no right! Who are you to choose who gets to live and who doesn't?! Why should you be any different from the humans?"

Your words are no longer contained into normal conversation. Only now, Loki seems to actually start realizing the weight behind your rage.

"I did it for us, love! For you. How am I supposed to give you everything if I'm just a mere god, son of a bastard and feared of my own people. Is that the man to give you everything? Is it?"

You don't even know where the thought process of this has sparked in his mind. Never have you asked anything unusual from him, just endless trust and honesty. You have always supported him when no one else would and when nobody wanted anything to do with him. A shoulder to cry on or an ear for venting. You've heated him up with your warmth when he was feeling cold and kissed him back to health countless of times. You used to be his. In return you only asked for trust and honesty. And the funny thing? In the end, you got none of that.

"I never wanted the world, Loki! I wanted you! Couldn't you see that you were enough?"

"Why do you care about the midgardians so much? What have they done for you? Have they given you flowers when you were sad? Have they kept you company at nights where you were haunted by nightmares? Did they do any of those? Because I recall it was me who stood by you all those years!"

Why is he suddenly so angry? It makes no sense to you. When he for once speaks from his real thoughts, anger and frustration is still the feeling behind it. Even if he got his plan to destroy earth through, it wouldn't stop his burning hate.

"You speak like they are nothing but soulless objects, pawns for you to manipulate when you feel like it!"

"They need a group of unstable mutants to protect them from dangers! A bunch of heroes that they don't even really like sometimes. The heroes gets the blame of the catastrophe happening even if they are the one fighting it! Is that a society worth fighting for? Their beloved little heroes are nothing but fools."

"Everything is worth fighting for. You don't know these people, do you? And as for the people, the heroes are a beacon of hope; a sign to stand strong and come together!"

You stand quiet for a second. Your fist lowers itself against the hard surface.

"Against people like you."

You don't want to see him anymore. Heard enough. Ready to go. You've made you decision. Because how could there ever be a change to this man? When he's been hiding his true nature behind your back for so long? Did you even know who you loved? Could you even call it love?

"Did you ever love me? Or was I just being fooled this entire time?"

Concern is now displaying on him for real. Maybe he's realize where you're going; what you're about to say.

"Why would you ask that? I love you more than anything! (Y/n), please understand this! I'd do anything for you!"

"Then tell me one single moment, just one, where you've spent time with me and thought 'I could be satisfied with this. I don't need power. I'm good with what I have'."

You heart is aching with anticipation. It's almost fatal. You don't want to know but he must realize it himself before you can finish.

And you can really see how he's trying. He's trying so hard for you, he thinks. He probably thinks he's tried doing everything for you; when he really just needed not to do anything at all. And just like you guessed, there comes no words. He knows you'll see if he's lying and knows you're right. But you don't ever think he will ever regret his attack for the right reasons. Nor for you, to get you back. No, you'll never accept that.

"I can't live like this, Loki. Can't you see you're breaking my heart?"

"I didn't mean to-"

"No. You didn't mean to do it, right? That's what you're gonna say... But I've heard enough. You have made a decision. And it's about time that I make mine as well."

The realization hits him almost instantly. And all the traces of his usually calm manner were gone in an instant. He's no longer standing with hands clasped behind his back. But they're clawing and pawning at the glass keeping the two of you apart. Loneliness is the one fatal emotion he hasn't dared himself to feel for years with you by his side. But now when it all might be taken away from him in a matter of seconds? How is he supposed to react?

He's begging, pleading, punching and screaming. Sobbing and begging even more. His silvertounge can't save him now. Nothing can save him now from the unruly fate. A path he himself had laid out beneath his feet.

"Please, (Y/n) I love you! I don't want to be here alone!"

...

"Please... It's cold and dark. I can't breathe without your warmth! Just.. Please!"

You can't stand to hear any more. His pleading is too much and you've stayed enough.

Your heart feels like it's being torn in half by your own hands as you turn around, the cold of your back hitting him in the deepest depths of his despair. And it sets him off.

You're going to leave him. The only purely good thing in his life is going to leave him. Where is he going to get his hugs? It doesn't matter because they won't be from you. Is he even going to remember your face when time has passed? Will he even remember your laugh, smile or your goofy little moments together? Will you find somebody else? Forget about him and move on.

Loki doesn't want you to move on; doesn't want you to move at all. He's ready to do whatever it takes to get you to stay.

And he would, if there wasn't a thick wall between you, keeping him from you no matter how hard he slammed it or how loudly he screamed at you.

Pleading became despair and despair led to threats; the only solution left to try.

He knew it was wrong. Wrong to threaten a loved one, especially you. But he would never accept his fate knowing that he hadn't tried anything in his power to make the only thing left for him to love slip past his hands.

But a tiny part of him knows that you won't hear him. Won't listen to him like those late summer nights under the moon on a cozy blanket, you tightly wrapped into his embrace with a content smile on your face.

Or the time when a sudden attack of sorrow and anxiety hit him in the middle of the night and you held him close to your chest while whispering sweet assurances for him to fall asleep to.

You had been his anchor to the real world.

You were the only thing to keep him sane enough.

But it wasn't enough in the end.

You had been his hero.

But not even a hero could save someone's world sometimes.

Especially when he was the one ruining it.

His love.

(Y/n)

[write4tomorrow]

Master and Slave (Pt. 3)

Word Count: 2349

Pairing: Poe Dameron x Reader

Genre: Adventure / Angst / Fluff

Summary: About a year after The Rise of Skywalker, the Knights of Ren have once more gathered against the Rebellion. You were once an apprentice to Kylo Ren but after the events on Exegol, you were forced into hiding. With some of the remaining Knights of Ren, you work to rebuild what Kylo Ren was fighting to build. Yet, what happens when you are taken by the Rebellion and interrogated by the Best Pilot in the Galaxy turned General? 

Tag List: @fanboyswhereare-you @pandacookieowo @pinkisokay

Chapter 1 Chapter 2    Chapter 4

The few days after your arrival at the Rebel base were smoother than you had imagined. You were never left alone but you were given a small bedroom and some basic clothing. There was a guard outside of your room almost every moment of the day. Usually, it was a familiar face. You often found Finn or Poe waiting to escort you wherever you needed to go. 

“Finn told me a secret,” Poe said on one of your walks together. There was something about him today that made you a little uneasy. He had something he wanted to tell you, but you couldn’t tell what. You thought about using the force to see what his thoughts were, but you stopped yourself from being invasive. He had become friendly during your days together. You liked this new friendship with Poe, but you could tell he was keeping you at an arm’s distance. Still, you couldn’t help but smile when you were around Poe. 

“Oh?” you pretended to think about what it could be. “Did Finn tell you that I eat children for breakfast and I’m secretly starving here?” 

“Nope,” Poe smiled, enjoying this game between you.

“He must have told you about how I sleep then,” you pressed your hands into your pockets and gave Poe a sideways glance, “upside down, hanging from the ceiling by my claws.” 

“That’s not even a secret,” Poe laughed and you loved how the sound filled the hallway with something hopeful. It was nearly infectious.

“Oh I know,” you crossed your arms over your chest, “he told you that if I couldn’t find any children to eat, I would happily settle for grown men. I hear generals taste magnificent. Maybe a little tough, though.” Poe was laughing as you continued your charade. 

“You’re looking for a general? I mean, y/n, all you had to do was say something. Let me tell you, I taste great,” Poe stopped and gave you a wink that made you blush from toes to your cheeks, “Finn told me that you’ve never been trained for combat.” 

“Give me my lightsabers and I’ll show you how untrained I am, Mr. Dameron.” You gave him a small smile but you knew he wouldn’t give your sabers back. After the first interrogation, Poe explained that you were not allowed near any weapons - including your sabers. 

“I’m sure you’re well equipped to handle any sword play,” again, Poe gave you a knowing look that made you roll your eyes, “but I meant hand to hand combat. That day on Geonosis when we found you-”

“Kidnapped,” you corrected. Poe rolled his own eyes.

“You had almost no defensive skills,” Poe continued, “without your sabers, you were pretty pathetic.” You scoffed at the insult. A small storm of rage bubbled up within you but you held your tongue. Instead, you noticed that Poe had stopped outside of a room you didn’t recognize. 

“C’mon,” Poe led the way in, “If we’re going to be under cover together, I need to know you can defend yourself.” You walked in behind Poe, shocked by the large open space. There were mats along the ground and a wall of practice weapons and gear to the side. You almost didn’t notice what Poe had said. 

“You’re going undercover?” You stopped in your tracks. Poe turned back to you, no sign of a joke anywhere on his face. You could sense he was nervous. 

“We’re going undercover,” Poe watched you for a reaction before continuing, “We think we found a contact that knows where your friends are hiding. We have a meeting on Coruscant in three days. In the meantime, you should learn some defensive maneuvers just in case.” 

The next few days were brutal. You enjoyed fighting, sure. It gave you an outlet to expel some of your frustration but Poe was so much better than you were. Again and again, Poe would pin you against the ground. 

“You’re not trying,” Poe told you on the third day. You could tell he was becoming frustrated too. Your own frustration wanted to spill over into rage every time Poe bested you. You knew you should use the aggressive tactics that Kylo Ren had taught you. You needed to weaponize your anger and frustration. 

No, you told yourself, Not here, not to Poe.

“What are you holding back?” Poe pulled you to your feet only to shove your shoulders. It wasn’t hard, but the force of his blow was enough to make you stagger back. 

“You can take him, y/n!” Finn shouted from the edge of the mats. Over the past few days, Finn and Calrissian had begun to coach and watch your training sessions with Poe. It only made you more frustrated because it meant that there was an audience to watch you fail. 

“Poe,” you began but he was not going to let you talk your way out of this. 

“You’re not even trying!” Poe shoved you again and aggressively began walking towards you. “Do you think this is a joke? I’m putting my neck on the line. I’m putting your neck on the line and I don’t know if I can save both of us. I don’t need a burden, I need a partner! I need to know you can take care of yourself but you aren’t! You won’t defend yourself and you won’t last two seconds on this mission. You’re holding back!” Poe was practically yelling at you now. He pushed you to the ground, this time hard enough for you to fall back. Your head hit the mats and you heard laughter from someone else in the training room. Something inside of you snapped and came alive. 

From the ground, you swept Poe’s feet out from under him. He landed on the mats next to you. You got to your knees and aimed a punch for his gut but he rolled away. Your fist hit the mat hard enough to make you yell. You could feel your anger consuming you and you let it. 

Without waiting for Poe to get to his feet, you scrambled to catch his foot. Using the force, You dragged him back to you and dropped your elbow between his shoulder blades. 

“Is this what you want?” You rose to your feet, and watched as Poe pushed himself to his hands and knees. You kicked his abdomen and tried to do it again, but Poe caught your foot and twisted your ankle. You collapsed to the ground, but recovered before Poe could land another blow. He was on his feet now, looking down at you. You used the force to lift him a foot off the ground. Suddenly, you dropped him hard enough to make him stagger back. 

“How does it feel,” you dodged his kick and delivered a crushing blow to his knee. He knelt in pain. You stood and grabbed a fistful of his hair. You threw him back against the mats.

“You think I am small and useless and will burden you?” You wiped sweat from your eyes and were surprised to see how much came away. Were you crying? 

“You think I don’t know how to use my strengths. You think I don’t know my own weakness?” You kicked Poe as he looked up at you. He was bleeding from his nose and lip. Something inside of you made you realize he wasn’t fighting back anymore but you didn’t care. 

“I can take care of myself!” Your voice echoed throughout the room. You were yelling through tears and choking on your own words. Something in you felt relieved. This anger inside of you was always there. Always ready to come out. The good general might as well see it now. You go to deliver another punch but a voice stops you. 

“y/n!” Finn called to you across the mats. He and Calrissian stood still as statues. Everyone else in the training area had stopped to watch you. You looked back at Finn, not sure what to say. Before you can get anything out, something tackles you from behind. 

You realized Poe is holding you. He’s not holding you down or pinning your arms, he’s just… holding you against him. You try to fight him a little more, your anger still in control. He only wraps his arms around you even tighter. As he begins to rock from side to side, you cry in earnest. 

“I’ve got you.” Poe rested his head against yours and hugged you until you stopped crying. 

You didn’t speak the rest of the day. Instead, you allowed Poe to lead you back to your rooms and then to the briefing in silence. He didn’t try to talk to you and you were grateful for the silence. You wanted to see what his thoughts were about you, though. You wanted to know if you had hurt him, really hurt him, earlier. 

Instead, you took notes on the undercover mission quietly. You and Poe were going to be negotiating trade routes with people mildly associated with the Knights of Ren. Poe would do most of the talking while you would use your mind tricks to see what they knew. Poe would be your master and you would be his slave.

The outfit given to you was humiliating. It was incredibly tight and revealing, leaving your legs and most of your arms bare. You wanted to protest, but you kept quiet. You wouldn’t have to wear the costume until you were on the ship to Coruscant. 

Still, that moment arrived too quickly. After Poe said goodbye to Connix, Calrissian and Finn, the two of you boarded a small vessel that Poe would captain. Finn gave you a small hug and wished you luck before you stepped onto the ship. You were thankful for his kindness. Yet, after an hour aboard the ship with Poe, you decided you might as well get this over with. You’d be landing soon and you couldn't’ afford to wait any longer. You stepped away from the co-pilot’s seat and changed into your slave outfit. 

When you came back into the cockpit with Poe, you avoided his eye and took a seat next to him. You could feel his eyes on you, on your clothes and skin. There were bruises along your arms and legs from training with him. You wondered if he had similar ones. 

“Are you cold?” Poe asked, eyeing the thin fabric around your chest. You crossed your arms.

“Enjoy this while you can, Mr. Dameron,” You crossed your legs and turned in your seat so he could see your ridiculous outfit in its entirety. He was already wearing his slaver’s clothes and you hated how well he looked in them. He wore your sabers at the hilt of his belt. If things became hectic, you’d be allowed to fight with your sabers. You weren’t sure why Poe trusted you with them, or even why he trusted you to come on this mission. Still, being close to your sabers brought some comfort. You knew you couldn’t have them on your own hips. No slave girl would be allowed to carry lightsabers. 

Poe reached under his seat and pulled out a dark, heavy fabric. With one last glance at you, he tossed the bundle into your lap. 

“I hate it when you call me ‘Mr. Dameron’, you know. I definitely prefer Poe. I also thought you may want something a little warmer than that… ,” Poe motioned towards your outfit. You nodded and he watched as you wrapped the cloak around yourself. You looked back at Poe, unsure of what to say. 

“It’s okay to be angry,” Poe spoke softly. It looked like he wanted to say more, but nothing came. You wrapped the cloak around yourself just a little tighter. Poe didn’t speak as he landed the ship in a small landing garage. You were close to the lower realms of Coruscant where the criminals usually met. You had been there before, but never without one of the Knights of Ren. 

Poe stuck out his arm and led you out of the ship. The hangar had low ceilings and was incredibly dark. There were a few speeders and a couple of larger ships like the one you arrived in. However, there was more empty space in the hangar than you expected.

“Where are we meeting them?” You asked. You didn’t know the names of the people you were meeting, but Poe gave you a reassuring look.

“They’re meeting us in the hangar. They know we’re here.” Poe nodded towards a couple of men walking towards you. Your blood froze in your veins. Poe must have felt you suddenly tense up. He stopped walking and looked at you. 

“Give me my lightsabers,” Your eyes never left the men walking towards you. 

“Do you know them?” Poe began trying to unhook the sabers from his belt but he was distracted. You could sense the adrenaline spike within him. It was too late though. The men walking towards you began running, their pistols leveled at you and Poe. 

Before you could speak, a blast hit Poe. He crumpled into your arms and you staggered under his weight. You prayed that it was only set to stun, but you needed your sabers. You laid Poe’s body down on the cold hangar floor and knelt next to him. You tried to get your weapons, but you were too late. 

This was a trap. 

“I haven’t seen you in a while, Princess.” The voice was one you recognized. You turned to see two of the old Knights of Ren: Cardo and Ushar. The last time you saw their faces was when they decided to leave Vicrul on Geonosis. Cardo hauled you to your feet, one hand wrapped around your upper arm. His sneer was vicious, almost as sharp as Vicrul’s. 

“Don’t worry,” Cardo whispered in your ear, “we promised the boss man we wouldn’t hurt you.” 

The last thing you heard was the sound of a gun behind you as you lost consciousness in Cardo’s arms.

Chapter 4

A/N: Sorry, that’s a lot for one chapter, but the next couple of chapters will definitely be pretty fast paced. Thank you for reading and let me know what you think! :)

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Sixty-Three

Words: 4.8K

Warning(s): explicit language, violence, angst

Tag List: @unknownoblivion  @sinningsixx  @edwardtriggerhandzz  @lemmyjelly  @haileynicoleseavey17  @cierrasixx19  @oskea93  @mgkobsessed  @vamprlestat  @sharon6713  @itsametaphorbriansblog  @miriampraez  @allie-mcginn @xpoisonousrosesx  @rebeccaphillips14  @nicholeh7  @fandomshit6000  @lilmou5ie  @tamedhearts  @divaanya  @kingbouji3 @evrsncnewyork @6ixx6ixx  @ratedrkohardychick91  @floregrohlssard  @oldschoolimagineblog  @thanks2pete  @abaldboi  @swoopygorl @justjodeye @liith-ium  @caos18blog  @ytwahsog  @shamlessobsession  @scarecrowmax  @toadspleen @random-internet-user-4471  @solohqrry  @loveofmyloif  @sparxx27  @kaitieskidmore1  @cruecifymesixx  @ijustwanttokiss70srogertaylor  @emmaelizabeth2014 @meetthesixxter  @sixxsixxsexx @sublimeprincesswasteland @arianareirg  @girlnight-terror  @mcnibberachi

@fancywasmyname1  @teller258316  @ggorehorror  @blowinmeupwithherlove  @xrosegoldwolfx  @mylifeisjustafeverdream  @redlipscrystalskies14 @str4nge-haze

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED

"Viv?" I barely hear her voice as Tansy gently nudges at my shoulder, worriedly, while I'm staring at the TV after calming down from hyperventilating, my mind starting to collect itself as my sorrow begins turning into pure rage. 

"Vivian." Her voice becomes crystal clear and I'm shoving her away from me, into the floor, as I scream, "don't fucking touch me!" 

"Vivian, I'm sorry!" She pleads. "We couldn't tell you!"

"We?!" I grit out. "Who the hell has known about this?!" 

Her silence is speaking volumes and I roll my jaw, stomping to the door with her crying motivating my anger further. 

I'm banging on Tommy's door, hearing him and Nikki chuckling, and the second the door opens, I'm grabbing the full Jack bottle out of Tommy's hand and throwing it at Nikki. 

"How could you let this happen?!" I shriek at him, tears of anger streaming down my face as I start picking up everything in sight and throw it at Nikki. "What have you done, Nikki?!" 

"What the fuck, Vivian?!" Nikki's yelling back at me as Tommy tries to get me under control, but all I have to say is, "Me, God, and everybody just saw your fiancée brag about getting to marry you," and Tommy's stumbling back in shock, the look on his face is the same as Nikki's and they know they're all fucked. 

"Vivian--" 

I shut Nikki up by throwing a bottle of wine at him, missing him, but it smacks into the screen of the TV, causing a loud banging noise as glass goes everywhere,  before I'm grabbing a stray heel off the floor that one of the groupies left here with Tommy, hurling it at him and it hits him in the face, hard. 

"How could you do this to me?!" I cry out as he starts trying to walk to me, trying to keep his anger low, but I get away from him, throwing a hotel lamp at him, only for it to shatter on the wall behind him. "What did I do to make you hate me so fucking much, Nikki?! To make you pursue another girl--one of my friends--so fucking hard that you propose to her?! Am I just that fucking forgettable?!" I'm throwing dirty dishes Tommy's used tonight, all of them breaking when they miss Nikki by merely centimeters, hitting the wall. 

"Vivian, fuck it off!" He barks and I grab Tommy's switchblade off the nightstand, throwing it next, and it barely misses Nikki's face. 

"I hate you!" I say back. "I fucking hate you!" 

He's pouncing before I can grab anything else, tackling me to the bed, holding at my arms.

"I have done nothing but dedicate the last six years of my life to you, asking you 'how high' every time you have told me to fucking jump, trying to help you the best I could, and trying to keep my shit together for you and this is how you repay me?!" I'm overcome with sadness once more, a wave of sobs drowning me, and I try to get him off of me, hitting at his chest.

"Viv--"

"--How long has this been happening?! How long have you been fucking her?!" 

"Vivian, stop before you get us kicked out." He orders sternly, trying not to raise his voice anymore. 

"I am humiliated!" I wail out, pain threading through every layer of my voice. 

"What the fuck is going on?!" Fred and Doc come in with Tommy, I didn't even notice Tommy had left. 

I take a few breaths, pushing Nikki off of me and he stumbles back after I shriek, "Get away from me!" and sit up on the bed. 

"Vivian--" Doc starts. 

"Shut up! I don't wanna fucking hear another word because it's all fucking bullshit!" I seethe at him. 

"Vivian, we can talk about this calmly, because screaming--" 

"--No! I've had everyone's foot on my throat for the past four years, telling me how to act, how to look, how to make sure he's happy, and it just took less than 45 seconds for her to blow every fucking thing to fucking hell and let me know I did all of it for absolutely nothing!" I say through thick tears, bubbling anger starting to rise within me again.

I'm suddenly lunging and clawing at Nikki's face and neck before I can stop myself.

"Vivian!" Nikki hollers, his face bleeding as he tries to swing at me but Doc blocks him, yelling, "both of you calm the fuck down!" 

I'm starting to breathe quickly, my whole body feeling heavy as Fred and Doc keep us separated.

"How the hell did this happen?" I ask him, more so demand.

"Vivian," Doc says, catching his breath. "We'll talk about it later."

"I just found out…" I can't bring myself to say "my husband's been cheating on me" without feeling like I'm going to vomit. "...and you just wanna talk about it later?" I ask him, appalled and he looks at Nikki. 

"I'm not…" Nikki trails off, shaking his head, looking as if he's about to cry before heading to the door and slamming it shut. 

"Oh, God, please." I beg, holding at my aching chest, my eyes squeezing closed as tears topple down my cheeks. 

"Come with me." I hear Doc lowly say to  Tommy. 

"Viv," Tommy slowly starts and I shake my head at him. 

"You were suppose to protect me." I hold back a sob. "You've always protected me and when I needed you to the most...you  were suppose to protect me and you didn't." I finally muster out and tears break over his lashes.

Before he can say anything, Doc's leading him out of the room, leaving me with Fred. 

"Vivian," Fred says, genuinely concerned. 

"I-I-oh, God." I can't make myself speak, tears and snot running down my face but I don't care, and he nods as I shake my head a little.

He just grabs one of my hands, squeezing it, comfortingly. 

We got kicked out of that hotel and because of my tantrum, we had to pay them back for the broken lamp and TV, but I didn't care. 

 I had done everything. Everything I could, everything I was told to do, and it still wasn't enough. I still wasn't enough. My best still wasn't enough.

I lay on the bathroom floor of our new hotel with the door locked, not crying as extensively as I was, but it's a steady stream of tears puddling on the floor, as everything I overlooked runs through my mind. 

Those nights I'd come home to see Vanity passed out in my house, the way everyone would get a little uncomfortable when she would hint at something and I was the only fucking one that didn't think anything about it...the fucking "V" tattoo on his arm that he played off as a five, when he just as easily at least could've have said it was for "Vivian" or something. Anything. 

"You are the world's biggest fucking idiot." I whisper to myself. "How could you be so stupid?" 

I'm so tired, I've been crying for the past four hours, but anytime I try to sleep I can't. It's not because I'm on the floor and I'm uncomfortable, but because my mind won't quit replaying every scenario there is imaginable of Nikki and Vanity touching each other. 

A one night stand would have been something I'd still be shattered over...but an entire relationship?

I don't even want to know how long it's been happening. 

I just want to sleep. 

"Vivian." I hear Vince say from the other side of the door and I sniffle, not wanting to talk to anyone. "I'm sorry, alright? But what the fuck did you expect? We're rockstars. It's common sense how we live. You should have known Nikki wasn't an exception to that, when you married him." 

"Get out!" I scream at him, getting all the strength in me to open the door and shove at his shoulders to the room door. 

"Vi--"

"--Leave me alone!" I demand, snatching the room key from him before opening the door and pushing him out, slamming it shut, resting my aching forehead against the cool wood. 

I try to take deep breaths to calm down, but I'm unable to. 

I slide down the door, my mind continuing to race.

I couldn't sleep at all.

My eyes, nearly swollen shut from crying for two days, are glued to the screen of the TV set before me, Doc, Fred, Nikki, Tommy, Vince, Mick, Tansy, Sparkie, Donna, Emi, and everyone else at risk of being asked about this shit show by the press, as a recording of Vanity's interview is replayed to us.

"Yeah, I'll be Vanity 6 once again. Isn't that nice?" 

 "I heard that--now, Nikki, uh, he's not ma--"

"--Mötley Crüe." She states what he's known for and cuts Arsenio short. 

"Yeah, I read about Nikki in, uh, Fresh Magazine."

"Oh, no, you've read about him." Vanity says, causing the audience to laugh uncomfortably along with Arsenio. 

"Is he here?" He asks.

"Texas. He's in Texas." She explains. 

"He's in Texas with Mötley Crüe."

"Right." She nods. 

"And they're probably partying with some chicks up in the room." He jokes, trying to carry on as smoothly as possible with this whirlwind she just dropped.

"Oh, I'll kill him." She laughs out. "I'll kill him." 

Again, everyone laughs. 

"When are you getting married?" 

"Oh, probably December, maybe Christmas, maybe New Years, we haven't decided." She replies. 

"Are you--you seem like you're in love, you're very bubbly, you're glowing." Arsenio points out and she nervously rubs her forehead. 

"Oh, I--I know, I feel stupid, I know. I look stupi--"

"--No, no, that's great." He argues politely. "And this ring is something else." He states as he looks at it. "You don't get no crackerjacks with this, I mean that's a nice ring." He chuckles, along with her and the crowd. 

Doc stops it there, anger of the highest degree on his face as he glares at Nikki, who's got his sunglasses on and refuses to even look my way. 

"I told you--" Doc stops talking for a moment, nearly shaking, having to take deep breaths. "--when you got together with that coked out bitch to not be--" he loses it, throwing his bottle of water at the wall, "--fucking messy!" He yells. "We have done everything we could possibly do to help you and what do you do in return? Bend all of us over and just," Doc thrusts his hips forward a few times as if he's screwing a girl, "fuck all of us!" 

Nikki let's out a heavy breath.

"Her sister called last night and that ring she's flashing around, Sixx, is Viv's." Doc states and I feel my bottom lip shake as more tears come to my eyes. "You can't tell me you didn't play a part in this shit. You can't. Vanity's crazy, but she didn't just wake up one day and decide to say she's engaged to you. You helped prompt this. You can't tell me you didn't." He points at Nikki and Nikki sits quietly. "Jesus fuck." Doc sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Okay. Okay. This is what we do. I've been on the phone for the past two days with the office, the label, Vanity's people...and everyone agrees that playing this off as a misunderstanding on Vanity's part is the best option." He tells us. "What she said about being engaged to Nikki is-is technically right thanks to his fucking smack and crack binge that lead to that bright fucking idea--but instead of accusing her of lying, we'll say it was a 'misunderstanding'." Doc replies and I squeeze my eyes shut. "It could get ugly for us if you two are at each other's throats over this, publicly, so you two are just gonna have to play nice for the cameras and hash this out behind closed doors." He adds. "Because if we say it was a misunderstanding but you two are having issues, they'll know we're bullshitting."

"What if I want a divorce?" Nikki--Sikki--boldly asks and Doc clenches his jaw while I brush away tears as quickly as possible, playing it off. 

"You can split when this tour is over, that way you can blame it on something other than asking another woman to marry you while you've been married to the girl you've been with since 1981 for four fucking years."

I'm too exhausted to protest the idea of staying with him until the tour ends. 

I just want to go home. 

"So if anybody asks any of you about it 'no comment' the fuck out of them. And if you absolutely have to say something other than 'no comment', you laugh a little bit to make it seem like it's nothing, and tell them--verbatim--'It was a complete misunderstanding.' And if I find out anybody doesn't answer with one of those, word for fucking word, you're done." He threatens in a serious tone. 

I've never seen Doc this mad. 

"Do I make myself clear?" He asks us and everybody nods...except me. "Viv?"

"I want to go home." I tell him. 

"If you go home right now, it'll look like something's up--"

"--Something is up." I let out hoarsely and everyone lets out a sad breath. "I just want to go home for a couple days." I say, my voice cracking.

"Not like it's gonna do you any good to run home. They knew about it, too." Sikki mocks me, referring to Duff and the guys. 

"Dude." Tommy says to him as if wanting him to shut up. 

I just get up and go to walk out of the room, stopping in front of Nikki, getting in his face.

"Burn in hell." I say and he turns his head to look at me, smirking. 

"That's the dream." He replies.

I get out as fast as I can, Fred following after me, and the second I get out, I'm throwing up, hoping nobody in there heard, especially Nikki. I feel like his inner evil fucking psychopath junkie will delight in my discomfort. 

He was angry because I refused to see him after he had tried to get Fred to convince me to speak to him. 

I didn't know what to say to him, and I didn't want to hear anything from him, yet. 

I just needed to get away from him for a few days and think about what I wanted to do. 

Did I want a divorce? Did I want to pack my shit from the house and never go back to him on tour and send him the divorce documents in the mail? Did I want to try to fix things? Did I think things could even be fixed at that point? I didn't know what to do, other than go home.

I finish packing all of stuff into my suitcase as Fred comes in, clearing his throat. 

"Look, I, uh...I talked to Doc. He decided it's a good idea for you to go back home for a couple days and come back with a clear head--well, as clear as it's gonna get." He explains. "But, the Rolling Stone dude is still coming on this week, so Doc wants you gone no longer than three days." He adds.

I completely forgot about Rolling Stone wanting to do a big issue on Mötley Crüe's tour in the midst of everything that's happened recently. 

"Which of course now, they're definitely chomping at the bit to get to nitty-gritty on everything and if you're not here, that's gonna send off some red flags, according to Doc." He explains and I let out a groan. 

"But Doc's currently getting you a flight for this early this evening, and I'll drive you there and we'll get someone to pick you up." 

I don't reply, letting out a breath and he gives me a small smile. 

"It'll be alright, Viv." He assures me. 

"I've been telling myself that since 1981. Nothing's fucking alright."

Going out in public was a mistake from hell.

 Every reporter outside of the airport here is shouting "Vivian" followed by invasive questions about Vanity and Nikki, and I'm happy I have my sunglasses on so they can't see me about to burst into tears. 

"Vivian, are you going home to file for divorce?!"

"Is Nikki and Vanity engaged?!"

"Are you and Nikki divorced without public knowledge?!" 

"Why aren't you wearing your wedding ring?!" 

"We were under the impression Vanity was your friend?!" 

"Is this a polygamous relationship?!" 

"Do you have any comments on the recent bombshell about Vanity and Nikki?!" 

"Bless their hearts." I reply with a sarcastic smile, damning Doc's little gag order. 

This causes them to start popping off my questions like a swarm of piranhas.

I'd be hearing about that comment I made, from Doc,  the next day.

I'm praying there isn't a swarm of press outside as I make my way to the front exit of L.A.X., but my prayer is answered, kind of, when I only see Axl waiting for me with Duff's car. 

We don't say anything to each other until we get to the first stop light on the road. 

"It's fucking shitty we didn't tell you--"

"--Axl, I don't wanna hear it."

"No, let me finish." He demands. "Look at me." 

I sigh and glare at him. 

"We wanted to tell you, Viv."

"Then why the hell didn't you?"

"Look me in the eyes and tell me, honestly, matter-of-fact, without a doubt, if one of us came to you and told you Nikki and Vanity were seeing each other, you wouldn't have lost your fuckin' mind?" 

I don't say anything. 

"We've been trying for months to get him to leave her alone, or come clean to you, and he'd just say, 'I'm working on it'. We had no idea they were that fucking deep into it."

I roll my eyes, my eyes blinking back tears.

"I'm being serious--Viv, hey." He says and I look at him. "If we would have known that, that's how you would have found out, we would've told you sooner. I swear to fucking God, Viv, we woulda told you sooner if we knew that's how you would've found out." He promises. 

This is possibly the most sincere I've ever seen Axl.

Which lets me know he's being honest. 

No matter how angry I am at them, they didn't tell me to save my feelings. 

Their intentions were pure, but horribly executed. 

When we get to the Franklin, we walk in to see the guys in the living room of Axl's place, watching cartoons. 

I don't say anything to Izzy, Duff, Steven or Slash, and none of them try to speak to me once Axl gives them the look that says I'm not in the mood to speak about anything. 

"I'm gonna shower." I say, taking myself to the bathroom with my stuff, locking the door behind me.

I shower, then proceed to stay in there, avoiding everybody and everything, until I hear a soft little knock, and Stevie's voice.

"H-hey, Viv? We got some food...if you're hungry, I mean." He says on the other side of the door and I exhale.

"I'm not hungry, Steven." I say, sniffling, wiping tears away that have been flowing since I turned the shower off. 

"Are you gonna stay in there all night?" He asks next.

"It's my business if I do." I snap back and he lets out a breath. 

He doesn't say anything else, I just hear him walk away. 

Steven, as nice as he always has been, had no problem setting someone straight if needed. He was never aggressive with me, because I usually stayed on his good side, but if someone rubbed him the wrong way, he'd get in their face and ask them what the fuck their problem was. I expected him to break into that bathroom and ask me what my problem was, but he knew what my problem was, I guess…

...Izzy on the other hand…

"Izzy, what the hell?!" I yell as the door swings open after he picks the lock. 

"We're fucking pieces of shit and the assholes they come out of, I get that. Axl gets that. Stevie gets that. Duff gets that. Slash gets that. We understand collectively that we are gross for not telling you. But we didn't tell you in hopes your dumb-fuck husband would wise up, like we have all been trying to get him to do, and break things off with the bitch. But he didn't. But we were hoping he would so we wouldn't have to witness your firey wrath sent straight from the gates of fucking hell. But we are anyway, apparently. We tried dropping hints. Countless hints. Obvious hints but you were too busy getting fucked by cupid and having a too perfect view of love to notice. But we tried. Extensively. If we knew she was going to embarrass you like that, we wouldn't  have kept it from you, at all. But it's too fucking late now, and we can't do anything about it except just be here for you, I guess, but you coming home and being a bitch to us for not telling you something that would've been so fucking obvious to you if you would have paid a little more attention, is fucked. Next time we'll just tell you he's fucking one of your best friends and rip the fucking bandaid off." He says to me, stunning me. "Now quit hogging the bathroom because some of us need to use it."

I can usually take Izzy's tough love, but this time, I can't.

"I gave her a key to my house." I say randomly, more tears coming to my eyes. 

"No, no, you're suppose to tell me to go fuck myself." He says. 

"And the codes to our gate and...24/7 access to my husband, and I was too fucking stupid to realize I was just letting her have him anytime she wanted him." I choke out.

The door cracks open a little to reveal Duff behind Izzy, and he cautiously steps to me, hugging me tightly to him.

One thing I was beginning to realize: the first thing I said to Nikki was, "how could you let this happen?"  

 I was beginning to see that it wasn't meant as a "how could you let yourself do this to me?" but as a "how could you let her embarrass me like this?"

I knew something was up, subconsciously, I had this feeling that I knew something but I didn't know what exactly I knew until I was publicly humiliated over it.

I spend the rest of the night not speaking to anyone, not necessarily because I'm still angry, but because I'm just not in a talking mood. 

By the time everyone else is going out, Duff and I are heading back to his place so I can try to sleep. 

"You can have whatever side of the bed you want." He lets out, a little awkwardly being that we haven't spoken all night. 

I nod, going to the side of the bed I slept on the last time I stayed here. 

He looks as if he wants to say something else to me, but chooses not to as I get into bed with him, turning my back to him, hoping to get some form of rest, but even a couple hours later, it never comes. 

I lay next to Duff, his soft snoring sounding through the small room, his bare back to me, and in the lights from the street that are filing through the window, I can see the smattering of acne scars along his back, and I can't stop my hand from reaching out, grazing over them. 

He moves a little in his sleep and I let out a breath, tired of being awake with my own thoughts that are just overflowing with whispers of Nikki. 

I wish I was in bed next to him. 

I wish he never would have done what he did in the first place. 

I wish I wouldn't have been so naive.

I wish I would have listened to my gut before we got married. 

Finally getting tired of it, I pull myself up and stumble to the kitchen, looking around until I find a bottle of NyQuil syrup.

I take the correct dose of it to maybe help me sleep before going back to bed. 

 "Will you quit it?" I grin, chuckling as his lips brush against the space between my shoulder blades as he hovers over me while I'm laying on my stomach at the foot of the bed. "I'm trying to finish this." I add, referring to the blank paper before me and the pen in my hand. 

"You weren't worried about writing it for the past two hours." He teases, peppering my bare back in kisses and I giggle, trying to worm him off of me."You're almost done with school, what's one missing paper gonna hurt?" He questions. 

"It'll hurt when it counts as a chunk of my final grade and I haven't even gotten a thesis statement figured out. And if I when I bring home a crappy final grade, I don't think my mom will appreciate, 'I couldn't do my thesis paper because I was too busy fucking your worst nightmare that I snuck in through my window'."

He lets out a scoff, kissing my skin one last time before I'm turning over to face him, still holding the pen and paper in my hand laying above my head, my other hand tracing over his cheek.

"I can write it." He says after a moment of thinking and I furrow my brows. 

"Write what?" 

"Your paper." 

"You want to write a thesis for paper for twelfth-grade English?" I have to stop myself from laughing.

"Sure." He shrugs. 

"Didn't you drop out of school?" I question and he snatches the pen and paper out of my hand and sits up, grabbing the book I was using as a hard surface to write on. 

"If I can write a song, I can write a thesis paper." He states and I raise my brows. 

"Whatever you say." 

My eyes slowly blink open, and my whole body starts hurting again, gut wrenching pain that's suffocating my heart in a stronghold as my swollen eyes start to weep again. 

"Oh, God, please. Please, God." I beg, trying to be quiet enough not to wake Duff up. I'm not sure what exactly I'm praying for, I just know my spirit is crying out for mercy and relief of any kind. 

He spent a couple days writing that paper, collecting sources and proof to back his thesis statement: 'The way today's christian and conservative groups view and sacrifice secular music genres, specifically rock n' roll, and the artists within those genres, is completely counterproductive of the teachings of who they worship because their approach is judgemental and belligerent.' I just copied it word for word in my handwriting and kept his original work of it which is framed and hanging in our house today.

Those were the main memories that would replay in my dreams: us when we first started fooling around and slowly seeing each other exclusively.

Small little things that just added more reasons to why I was so in love with in to begin with.

Things we completely lost sight of by 1987. 

Those were the ones that would hurt like hell to wake up from.

I'm unable to fall asleep again, so I take another dose of NyQuil, and wait for it to go in effect. 

I fell asleep, but woke up every couple hours, and immediately started crying each time, not forgetting I was heartbroken in the slightest because I'd dream of Nikki. 

I'd just lay there saying, "God, please," not knowing what I was praying for him to do.

And, in a slightly irresponsible and reckless attempt to go back to sleep to stop the pain,  I'd take another dose of NyQuil every time, not thinking anything of it because it was an 'over the counter' drug. After taking four maximum doses of the stuff in a 6 hour period, my body started freaking out.

My heart is pounding in my chest, my breathing trying to compensate for what feels like an inability to get enough air as something in me is telling me to wake Duff up.

"Duff, Duff." I gasp out, shaking at his shoulder and he wakes up, confused, tired eyes looking at me. 

Apparently it just takes one look at me to wake him up fully, because he's sitting up as fast as he can. 

"Something's not right." I say breathlessly. 

"Viv?" He asks, at least I think that's what he says.

His hand suddenly grasps at my wrist, his fingers on my pulse point, and his eyes widen. 

"We gotta get you to a hospital." He replies as calmly as he can, but I can tell he's frantic in his mind. 

[denqis]

bruises ㅡ kaminari denki x reader

summary: the reader gets abused by her dad, whose quirk is mind-reading and who's utterly obsessed with keeping her only for herself.

warning: graphic discrisption of domestic violence and abuse ; cursing ; angst ; fluff

word count: 1622

"hey, y/n, wanna join us at the karaoke bar?"

mina shot you a smile, but it faded quickly, when you just walked past her, head down and earphones plugged in.

a sigh left the girls lips. what was wrong with you?

the whole class had gotten a lot closer ever since moving to the dorms, you noticed that too. you would love to join them, wherever really.

but you couldn't. your dad would have your head in no time if you wouldn't come home right after school.

he doesn't let you go anywhere, let alone move out of the flat.

t-10 minutes

"y/n, hey. wait up! whatcha listening to?"

you stopped in your tracks, kaminari suddenly appearing in front of you. you stared at the blonde, his golden eyes sparkling.

"who cares."

you retort, before quickly stepping away.

"i obviously do. i just asked. come on, loosen up a little. i'm your classmate not some random stranger."

his hand slowly lifted up, moving towards your ear.

your heart rate sped up, vision going blurry and dark.

"don't!"

you yelled out, arms flying up to shield your face.

you trembled, as his arm fell along with his smile.

"y/n.."

he breathed, catching a tiny glimpse of your bruised, scarred arms.

"i-i have to go."

t-7 minutes

you sped up, soon bursting into tears as you took a left, reaching your flat completely out of breath.

you wiped your tears and straightened your blazer, face wiped clean from emotions.

"you're late."

his empty voice called, your lock screen confirmed his statement.

t+3 minutes

"i-i'm sorry. i forgot something at school, so i had to go back."

you lied, feeling dizzy. you knew he'd know the truth in a few seconds. and that he would punish you, not for lying but for...

"you talked to a boy again, huh? how many times do i have to tell you?! are you that dense? no talking to boys, no wasting time, no sleeping around."

"i'm not-"

you couldn't even finish your sentence before his fist hit your cheek, a pulsating pain shooting through your whole skull. you could feel blood trickling down your face.

"shut up, i can almost smell his stench on you! you're a little slut aren't you? but with that bruised little face of yours no boy will want you. you know what to do."

he instructed, you nodded, before walking into the kitchen and getting out a mallet, letting it smash down onto your left arm. you were used to the pain by now, it didn't sting anymore.

"that's a good girl. and no stopping until i say so, got it?"

a lifeless nod followed his instruction.

'kaminari...'

your mind flew to his smile and eyes, his laugh that made even your darkest days brighter.

"think about this boy again and i'll make you pay. my little girl belongs to only me."

he took the mallet from your hands, turned you towards him and slapped you across your face, once, twice. after the sixth time you fell to the floor, shaking and spitting blood. the salty and metallic taste in your mouth making you sick.

"what was his name again? kaminari? how about we remind you of how much hurt he's caused you?"

"n-no. dad please. i'm sorry, i'll never think about him again. i'll be good, i promise."

blood, snot and tears ran down your face, but you knew it was no use.

"give me your arm. now."

you shakily lifted your limb, seeing the blade flash once, before penetrating your skin.

"be good at school. and don't even think about covering your arm. if you do, you'll regret it. since you were such a brat yesterday, you'll be home 5 minutes after class ends. understand?"

he knew you wouldn't be able to make it in 5 minutes. he didn't care. he also didn't care that you'd get scolded for not wearing your school blazer and he knew that the swelling, cuts and bruises from yesterday would cause worry. 

"good morning class, y/n where is your blazer?"

aizawa asked, eyes piercing through you. the whole class turned to you, gasping at the way you looked. it wasn't unusual for you to have bruises, you had always just brushed them off as battle wounds from kickboxing. but today you looked extra beat up.

"i forgot it at home, i'm sorry."

you stood up and bowed, arms behind your back, showing the backs of forearms to the person behind you, who, unfortunately, was the denki kaminari himself.

the carved, bloody letters that spelled out his name on your arm made him feel sick to his stomach.

once you took your seat again, his hand laid down on your shoulder.

"y/n what's all this about?"

your head began spinning, his hand felt like fire on your body. you longed for his touch, but your whole mind and body ached from your dad's abuse.

"answer me, damn it!"

he suddenly yelped, voice full of desperation, turning all the attention on the two of you.

"y/n, please. answer me.. why? why did you-"

your head hung low, body shaking, tears streaming down your face. you were helpless. you wanted to tell him, hug him and confess just what you really felt, but you couldn't. your dad would kill you.

"fine, don't talk to me at all then. fucking weirdo."

it felt as though a dagger had pierced through your heart and was now being twisted around. the blurry veil in front of your eyes grew thicker and soon you couldn't see anything. your breathing grew erratic, as your constantly forcefully suppressed whimpers and sobs grew louder and louder. your mind was raging, your skull felt like it was going to explode.

"y/n, come with me."

aizawa spoke, as he helped you from your seat, supporting your body that was violently shaken by tremors.

"we're going to help you. we're going to get you out of there, okay? kaminari is just as worried as all of us, if not more."

you looked up at him, his heart sank. never had he seen such a broken soul.

"i'm so sorry. we let this go on for too long."

"my dad.. he will kill me. i love kaminari, i love him so much. he's the only reason i hold on, but now that he hates me, i don't have a reason to stay alive."

you finally spoke, voice quiet and coarse.

"your dad won't do shit, y/n! i'll kill him if he ever lays a single finger on you again."

your head turned to the classroom door, that stood open and showed everyone, faces warped in anger and sadness.

"t-thank you, bakugo.."

you mumbled, he wasn't there with them. of course he wasn't. why would he try and help a weirdo.

you tried to stand up, but your legs failed you. you felt weak and dizzy.

"mr. aizawa, i don't feel too well. i think-"

you had gone days without food, only water found its way into your system every now and again. even your quirk was severely affected.

you thought you saw his blonde hair appear before your face, but before you knew, everything went black.

"her cheek bone is broken, she has several bruises, cuts and scars all over her body, she's malnourished. god what did this man do to his own daughter? he should be locked up."

recovery girl's voice slowly seeped into your consciousness, along with a strong grip around your hand.

"i think she's waking up!"

your heart skipped a beat, the electrocardiogram attached to you exposing your true feelings. he was here, by your side.

"k-kami-"

you tried to speak, but he interrupted you immediately.

"it's denki to you."

your heavy lids lifted, feasting upon his face and smug grin, trying to cover up the deep worry in his eyes.

"denki.."

you were about to sit up, when he leaned down to your bandaged face.

"you know, i just changed my mind. i think i'd prefer you calling me your boyfriend."

your heart raced, was he being serious?

"woah there, calm down. your poor heart. so that's the effect i have on you, huh? good to know."

he giggled, before softly lifting his hand to your face.

"i won't hurt you, i promise."

he purred, before carefully caressing your face, the thumb on his other hand starting to draw circles onto the back of your hand.

"damn, i really wanna kiss you right about now."

that's when your dad's words echoed in your mind

you're a little slut ... with that bruised little face of yours no boy will want you ... how about we remind you of how much hurt he's caused you ...

he was wrong, denki wanted you, no matter what.

"you're crying again? stop it, i can't stand seeing you cry."

his fingers wiped your tears slowly and carefully as he smiled down at you.

"about that kiss.."

you began, his face lighting up, leaning in once again.

"i'll take it slow, don't worry."

"young kaminari! get out right now, the poor girl is close to a heart attack because of you. only i am allowed to kiss people in this room. now, go and next time you visit, bring her flowers, it looks so empty and cold in here without them."

recovery girl ushered the blonde out of the room, before turning to you.

"people who go through a lot, get to call dibs on the best men. that one's a keeper, you better prepare yourself to get spoilt rotten."

she laughed and returned to her work, leaving you a blushing mess, electrocardiograph about to explode.

[chocojjk]

cafes and pinky promises

summary: bff! felix → idol! felix ,,, like i said , i suck at summaries 

words: 2.8k

a/n: yall im on a roll, i really don't know why im writing so much these past few days but enjoy,, i hope

not edited, per usual

as you entered your favorite cafe, you never expected to come face to face with the boy who filled up every second of your thoughts

in fact, it was the very boy that has created so many memories with you in this same exact place

you wanted to go up to him, to see how he was doing, ask him how idol life been treating him but you found yourself glued to the floor, unable to move

every single memory with him suddenly flashing in mind

-

the two of you met back in middle school

it was the typical story

you were the new kid in school,

didn't have any friends,,

sat alone at lunch,,,

then one day he came up to you wearing his brightest smile, the freckles upon his cheeks shining up like the stars in the sky

“hi, im felix”

(❁´◡`❁)

and the rest was history

you guys became the best of friends, practically glued to the hip

but let’s skip all that friendship fluff and fast forward to second year of high school

you guys have been best friends for a good four years now

one of the things that you guys love doing is going to the cafe a little out of town

the cafe had free wifi and barely any people so it became a routine to just go there after school and goof around

dont get me wrong, you guys do homework too

#getyoureducationkids

also like #fuckthesystem

anyways,,,,

since you guys were the smartest in your class, it never really took that long to finish homework and instead you guys would just have fun listening to music, telling bad jokes, watching a show on netflix, and sometimes even just playing rock paper and scissors

there’s never a dull moment between the two of you

honestly if it wasn’t for you and felix, the cafe would probably be out of business

even the owner knew you two

she was the sweetest old lady, always giving you guys extra cookies and letting you stay for as long as you can

she would also always joke around about how you two would make the cutest couple, comparing the two of you to her and her husband who were high school sweethearts

being young, the thought first made you wanna vomit

like ew,,, boys are gross

but as you grew older, you started seeing the boy in a different light

the small touches and the hand holding suddenly started to have meaning

everytime he laughed, it was music to your ears

his freckles became the most beautiful thing in the world, and you loved tracing each one of them

sure, you guys have had your own share of petty fights but at the end of the day it did nothing but strengthen the friendship that you two share

there were never any secrets

(((besides of course these feelings that were growing but shh we dont speak of that)))

you knew felix like the back of your hand and vice versa

and you could just see yourself spending every moment with him in the upcoming future

until of course one day,

“y/n, i need to tell you something but pinky promise you won’t get mad?”

“felix every time someone says that, people tend to be mad”

“y/n just pinky promise me you wont”

“ok, i pinky promise, now what is it??”

felix was absolutely terrified

he’s been meaning to tell you this for a while but every time he tried he just couldn't find the words to do so

and god, how he has let time pass him by

“im moving to korea”

you bursted out laughing and felix is confused as heck like?????

whats??

so ???

funny????

“seriously lix, you made me pinky promise not to be mad over a joke??”

you see, pinky promises may seem like a childish thing but it was sacred between the two of you

so when he used it over a joke, you just couldn’t help but let out a few couple giggles

however, as you turned to face him and saw the serious expression written on his face you found yourself at loss for words

“wait, are you serious?”

“yeah”

“wh-when are you leaving?”

“in a month”

“h-how long have you known???”

“ummmm” (´･_･`)

“felix.”

“Since we went to the park”

the park

you remembered that day, it was probably one of the happiest days of your life

you passed your math test with a perfect score and has just become the student body president of your class

on top of that, felix decided he wanted to treat you out for ice cream as he was proud of his best friend

what you didnt know was that this was the day that would change everything

this was the day he was scouted

the day he received the news that he was accepted as a trainee

and hes been finding a way to tell you 

but he just couldn't 

you were completely over the moon

as you guys were sitting on the swings, your hands occupied with your own ice cream cones

felix started talking about his dance team and choir class

you always knew how much he enjoyed those classes

yet as he talked about his passion, his eyes twinkling and his mouth curving into the softest smile, you truly got a grasp on how much your best friend loved music and performing

you can't help but think back to a few days ago, when your friend brought up how much your eyes sparkled talking about felix

you wondered if you looked the same as how felix looked now, talking about the things that he loved to do  

and then it hit you

you were in love with your best friend

god reader, how cliche could you be (●'◡'●)ﾉ♥

“felix, that was two months ago.”

to say you were mad was an understatement,, you were filled with rage

anger and disappointment all just combining into one

suddenly the future that you clearly saw vanished because every single one of those versions had the boy by your side

“im sorry”

not knowing how to respond, you started packing up your things in your backpack

felix just watching you do so, thinking of things to say to make the situation at hand better

once you stood up, he snapped out of his thoughts, worry completely washing over his eyes

“where are you going?”

“im going home.” you say emotionlessly

“let me walk you”

“no”

and that was the last of it

he tried calling you several times after that yet all he was left with was your voicemail

every time he approached you at school, you would walk the other way

every day he would show up at the cafe hoping to see your face, yet that day never came because you stopped going

you figured it’d be easier to let him go if you just stayed mad at him

you figured that your feelings would automatically go away if you replaced them with hate

but reader, you were so wrong  

the day came when he finally had to go

that day was painfully hard for you

your whole class was bidding him goodbye, and all you could do was watch from the sidelines, your pride way too high to forgive him now

no one really knew about your guys’ fall out as you found it was better to keep things to yourself than become the schools new gossip

and so when everyone started asking you how you felt, you responded with the most generic answers

“whatever makes him happy, im happy”

oh reader, you are such a liar

it wasn't until a year after, that you truly forgave him

and that was because a classmate of yours barged into the room, waving her phone around

“Guys remember felix!, well he’s an idol now!!”

as soon as you got home that day, you searched up his name, and there he was

Lee Felix

Stray Kids

and you realized how stupid you’ve been

you never even bothered asking him why he was leaving

you cried yourself to sleep that night as you look back on the wasted friendship that you threw down the drain

but you figured that there was no point in being sad over it anymore

you were done holding grudges

so the next day you went back to the cafe and binged the survival show that your best friend, well ex best friend, was in

the sweet old day was overjoyed when she saw your familiar face

she asked you where your partner in crime was and with a genuine smile you responded with “he’s out there doing bigger and greater things”

ever since then, you made the cafe a weekly trip

it hurt you to know that you spent your time resenting him so you made a pinky promise to yourself, that even if he didnt know, you would support him no matter what

you ended up buying all their albums

watching their vlives

staying up late for their debuts

hell, you've even gon to the point of making a stan account just to be be updated

-

which brings you to now

you knew that felix was in australia, they were having a concert here

you even got a ticket for yourself, not close enough where he could see you of course

you were still ashamed of your actions even though it’s been almost two years

so when you walked in the cafe and saw him with his 8 buds seated in your guys’ usual spot, you definitely didn't know how to react

seeming as they haven't spotted you yet, you quickly made your way out the door

however, Elise, the sweet old lady, had other plans

“y/n, honey, leaving so quickly?”

and that was when 9 heads turned to the door

all 18 eyes just looking at you

‘fuck y/n okay just act cool’

‘youre fine’

‘maybe they don't even notice you’

‘omg speak’

“y/n?” felix says, his deep voice breaking you out of your thoughts

“felix?? Hi!!!” you say, giving him the biggest fake smile ever

it’s not that you wanted to okay, it was just a very awkward situation and you have no idea how to act

‘smooth y/n, so smooth’

I swear if you could facepalm yourself, you’d be doing so with both of your hands + the hands of the 7 billion people on this earth

“uhm hi?,” he replies, obviously confused as to why you suddenly acknowledged his existence

truth to be told, he was expecting you to ignore him just like all the other times before

“well, won't you look at that, my two musketeers are back together,” Elise butts in, 

“ah, it's just like the old days, would you guys like some cookies???” she says, a soft smile on her face

“no that's okay El, im heading out soon anyways, can i just have the usual caramel macchiato?” you say quickly, ignoring the awkward tension in the air

“sure thing hon”

and as she goes to the back to make your order, you were left with the 9 boys

welp

its now or never

“uhm, when did you get back?”

you ask, your hands automatically playing with the hem of your shirt, a clear sign that you were nervous

“im just here for the week”

“oh,,, nice”

“Yeah”

(>_<)

the other boys just sitting in silence, going back and forth between the two of you

they know exactly who you are, and trust me, they arent your biggest fans

which is exactly why they chose to not break the awkward tension in the air

and you swear, you wish you can just have the earth open up and swallow you whole

“hon, heres your order!”

oh thank god,,

Elise is your savior

even though you wouldnt even be in this situation if it wasnt for her

you quickly grab your drink and make your way out,,, but not before saying

“uhm, it was nice seeing you again lix,” you say, this time, a genuine smile on your face

◐ˍ◑

when felix heard the nickname that you've once given him, he couldn't believe his ears

great job reader, you’ve left him stunned

taking his silence as a response, cause youre kinda a dumbass, you nodded to him and the other boys and left the cafe

however as you made your way to your car

something clicked inside of you

,,,,

fuck it

,,,,

you ran back to the cafe, grabbing the door wide open at the same exact time that felix pushed it open

which caused him to stumble right on top of you, your coffee being thrown a whole meter away

at least it wasn't on your shirt

“omygod im so sorry! are you okay?” he asks, picking you up and checking you for bruises

and youve realized that he hasnt changed one bit

he’s still your best friend felix

the same felix that treats you with so much love and care

the same felix you fell in love with all those years ago

and you couldnt help but let out a tear

this worried felix even more

“what is it?? whats wrong???”

you were blown out sobbing at this point

“Im ๑•́ㅿ•̀๑) ᔆᵒʳʳᵞ ”

“huh??”

“im so sorry felix, i-”

your emotions not allowing you to create a single coherent sentence

but because felix still knew you like the back of his hand, he knew exactly what you were talking about

“lets go inside okay”

all you could do was nod and let him guide you to your usual spot that was now empty

grabbing a couple napkins, he wipes your tears away for you before you finally became conscious of what was happening and took control

“I didnt know you still came to this cafe?” he says, finally breaking the silence

“yeah uhm, i started coming back,”

“why?”

“I-i guess i just missed you”

“I thought you hated me”

“No,” you say quickly, that was the last thing you wanted him to think

“i didnt hate you, i was just angry and sad and i acted upon those emotions. I was stupid, im sorry”

“its okay, i understand, youre not stupid y/n”

god damn it,, 

why is this guy so nice,,

“no felix, it's not okay. we were best friends, i should have talked to you. I-i shouldnt have cut you off like that especially when i didnt even give you a chance to explain yourself”

damn okay reader, admitting to your mistakes, im p r o u d

“Its all in the past now y/n”

“can you forgive me for being a bitch?” 👉👈

This got a chuckle from felix

“as long as you can forgive me for keeping a secret from you” he replies, shooting you a smile

you smile back at him

“ive forgiven you a long time ago lix”

,,,,

,,,,

felix has stopped malfunctioning

“ive missed you,” he says grabbing your hand from across the table and holding it the way he used to

“ive missed you too,,, so much,,, im so proud of you,”

“proud of me?”

“yeah, youve finally done what youve always dreamt of”

“you know?”

“of course i know lix, youre everywhere!”

“it kinda sucks how you know whats been going on in my life and i dont know a single clue about yours”

“I can always catch you up!” you say excitedly, but as you see the sad smile that began to etch his way onto his face, you see that that’s not the case

“busy schedule?” you question

“yeah” he replies, the grip on your hand becoming tighter, almost like he doesnt want to let go

“thats okay, im sure we’ll find some time,” you say maintaining the positive energy

right on cue, chan peeps his head in the door

“Felix we have to go now, i tried convincing them to give you more time but were already running behind schedule”

“aish” felix replies as his tears suddenly made his way down

he gets up and pulls you into a bone crushing hug as you breathe in his scent, taking it all in

“im sorry i have to go so soon”

“thats okay felix, ill always be here”

“i hope i can see you again before I leave,”

“oh dont worry, you will” you say, a big smile on your face

“what do you mean?”

“just watch out for me at the concert, yeah?”

“youre coming???!!!!??”

“yep, already got my ticket!”

and you swear youve never seen felix smile so brightly before

“you pinky promise?”

“I pinky promise.”