#and that might not be so bad if the person you were supposed to be wasn't right next to you the entire time

[mixingandmelting]

Grocery Shopping

Summary: he goes grocery shopping with you for the first time

A/N: Damian's a little shorter considering his age and it would become a whole fic on it's own to talk what would happen with him 😂

Dick:

It’ll be fine, he said. Things will still go well, he said. He tried everything with you, keeping your hands in his, linking arms, keeping you between the cart and himself.  No matter what you both did, without fail, he ends up getting separated from you, quite tragically he might add. Now look at him, benched on one of the benches in the middle of the store in the result of getting lost who-knows-how-many-times from searching for you in the sea of people (all puns intended). 

Okay, so maybe he should’ve listened to you about never going to the store on the last day of sales. And all the other rules he had brushed off when you told him. However, he didn’t think the store would be  this  jammed packed with people treating it as a battle ground. There’s not a single villain in sight. No signs of foul play. Yet there’s civilians elbowing each other, fighting with their lives on the line.

“Is this, you know, normal???” 

“What do you mean? Have you ever shopped for groceries before?” 

He lets out a puff of air in frustration. This was supposed to be a couple’s date. One of those cozy-esque ones where he gets to spend more time with you in a normal setting. 

But It’s okay. He’s okay. You’ll be back soon and he’ll at least get to cuddle with you when waiting at the line that snakes from one to another corner of the store. Right? So let’s just hope no else finds out about this.

Cue his phone vibrating. Please don’t be what he thinks it is. Please don’t be what he think it is. He opens the text. 

… Dammit all. 

Of course it’s Tim asking if the person on the bench was him. Who else would attach a low res picture that’s obviously from the security camera ? In the group chat of all places too. Slowly he places his phone in his lap and rests his head on the cart. Never is he ever going to ignore those rules again. 

Jason:

He utterly underestimated the whole thing. He has to physically push and shove through people to take a step forward with a cart. He keeps having mini-heart attacks the second the warmth of your hands around his arm disappears from the fear of losing you, only for you to reappear next him with food and toiletries. At least he doesn’t have to worry about people putting their hands and taking stuff from the two of you as everyone so far quickly got second thoughts as soon as they took a glance at him. 

But the worst part wasn’t this. Rather-

“Hey! Watch where you’re going, pal!”

He leans over the handle, groaning as he rubs his face with his hands. Ugh. Just how many times does this make? Standing back up, he turns around and throws the same glare he’s already given to the five other guys he accidentally bumped shoulders with. And like them, this guy too flinches as he crane his head up from Jason towering over him. Then comes the stuttering “my bad” before booking it with his girl in tow. Tt. Pathetic. 

In his head, he realizes two things: one, you’re always right, and two, never suggest grocery shopping on a weekend afternoon. It explains why you were so irritated when he did and now? He’s going to lose it if anything, ANYTHING, happens at the cashier line (he saw how long it was when entering the store. It’s going to be at least an hour of waiting to even get close to the front). 

“Jason! Hurry up!”

Snapping his head towards the direction of your voice and he has so many questions. Since when did you grab the rest of the groceries? How did you get the other end of the store that quickly? 

With that, he sighs and quickly heads towards you, worried your arms might fall off or you getting hurt in general from how you’re trying to hold everything without dropping a single item. 

Tim:

He’s educated. He’s done his research on grocery shopping and knows the rules and what's in each aisle. So trust him to choose a time where it’s not too early and there aren't a lot of people, in hopes he could fulfill the couple’s goal of having wholesome bonding moments. But of course, putting what’s theoretical into real practice comes with a challenge. 

“Why is the cheese in the meat section?”

“Who places cereal next to the chips?”

“Is it even legal to have soda in the alcohol aisle???” 

This was not what was written on the blueprints. Breakfast aisle is meant to have breakfast foods, snacks aisle having the chips, and for fuck sake, is cheese not dairy? He was already concerned about how easily he cracked through security and accessed the blueprints. Now he’s wondering how in the world this store is functioning at all. There’s nothing special they’re selling nor are the prices cheaper. He genuinely can’t see why this place ranks so high in Gotham among the other grocery stores. 

The only reason for him to stay somewhat sane is your presence. Sticking right next to him where shoulders continually brush against each other whenever you two walk and sometimes placing a hand over his to placate him whenever he’s getting close. He appreciates it at the same time not whenever he catches you turning your head away from him. The tips of his ears burn but at least you’re trying stifle your laughter. 

“Come on, we’re almost done.” 

With a thud, his eyes widen when he recognizes the familiar logo on the case you dropped into the cart. Eyes going back between you and the case, he tears up as he finds out you’re the one that’s been restocking his energy drink with his favorite brand and flavor. He proceeds to nuzzle his cheek against your shoulder, thinking grocery shopping wasn’t so bad after all. 

Duke:

Many in the family other than Alfred don't understand nor appreciate the art of grocery shopping. But him? He knows the rules. Don’t get groceries on a weekend. Buy them in the morning rather than the afternoon. Fresh produce last, boxed and canned food first. Like please, he’s done it so many times that it’s a walk in a park. He even knows the go-to brands and their knockoffs if the store runs out of the former.

Shopping with you, there’s no hesitation when he turns the cart, heading towards the direction of the next destination for the next thing on the list. He weaves through the few people in the store while keeping your hand between his and the cart’s handle. At some point, joining you in inspecting and picking out which of the packaged food and produce to get. 

“Did you get the Spaghetti?” 

“Yeah, but you cool if we get this brand? It practically tastes the same as the other one and it’s buy-one-get-one free.” 

From how everything’s going with a breeze, he does all sorts of couple’s shopping shenanigans with you. Pushing you on the cart with your arms out like Superman, racing you to the end of the aisle. The only “problem” he would say the two of you are having at the moment are over snacks and soda. It started out with him preferring double-stuffed Oreos while you insisted Thin-Mints were better. Then the classic Pepsi vs Coca-Cola. 

“Tell me, are you going to eat my fruit snacks?” 

You’re holding a box of fruit snacks and shaking them in the air, waiting for him to give you the actual answer. So far, he’s been exercising his rights to remain silent by keeping his head turned away from you, shuffling side to side. And it’s helping him win, snorting when you huff and dramatically roll your eyes in annoyance before tossing them into the cart. Nice.

Damian: 

Everyone always assumes he doesn’t understand nor know what grocery shopping is. Oh, but how wrong they are. Grocery shopping with him could easily equate to being on a mission. He goes to your place and wakes you up at 7:17 AM on a Wednesday morning, demanding you get ready to go out while ignoring all your questions and protests about being woken up at an ungodly hour, on a day-off from school nonetheless. It’s as if he’s done grocery shopping his whole life, getting nit-picky over the quality of the fruit and vegetables while checking expiration dates on the back of the box of tea before placing them into the cart. 

It seems as if he’s being inconsiderate, expecting you to keep up with him while he’s trying to get done as efficiently as he can. In reality, he’s only trying to impress you with his vast knowledge and skills. Think of it as talking to someone who can identify fake versus real Prada bags. He’s dropping hints on how to tell if the eggs are fresh or not based on the shells, which bag of onions are the oldest. Comes off pretentious however, all with good intentions. Well, and also to impress you in his skills of knowing how to shop for groceries. But that's meh. 

Don’t think he isn’t noticing you sneaking things into the cart. He’s simply choosing to turn a blind eye to it, though his heart string twings when he recognizes half of them are his favorites. When you come back from who knows where, he grabs your hand and keeps it in his hand without a word, earning a grin from you while his cheeks turn dusty pink.

[princesseilish]

PARROT

Billie Eillsh x Fem!Mom!Reader

Warnings: slight swearing, use of y/n? a pinch of funny

Synopsis: billie couldn’t help herself, and now Rosie can’t help herself either

It was supposed to be a simple grocery trip.

Y/N had explicitly instructed Billie to keep it together. They were just grabbing a few things for Rosie’s upcoming second birthday party—balloons, snacks, maybe a cake mix. Nothing complicated, nothing that should’ve been an issue. But Y/N should’ve known better.

“Babe, do we need more of that organic juice Ro likes?” Billie called from the next aisle, pushing the cart with Rosie sitting happily inside, her tiny hands wrapped around the bar.

Y/N, examining a box of birthday candles, glanced over. “Yeah, grab a couple bottles. The mango one.”

“Got it.”

It was going fine. Too fine, actually.

Until they hit the produce section.

Billie was trying to grab a bundle of bananas from the display when, naturally, the entire pyramid of fruit decided to betray her. A bunch tumbled to the floor with a loud thud, rolling in every direction. Billie, already flustered, muttered under her breath, “What the fuck.”

Y/N’s head snapped up like she’d been electrocuted.

“Billie,” she hissed, eyes darting to their daughter.

But it was too late.

Rosie, wide-eyed and always eager to mimic her favorite person in the world, opened her tiny mouth and proudly repeated, “What the fuh!”

Y/N’s soul left her body.

Billie froze, bananas still in hand, her face a perfect mix of horror and disbelief. “Oh, shit.”

“Billie!” Y/N practically dropped the candles as she rushed over, grabbing Rosie from the cart like she could somehow squeeze the word right out of her.

Rosie giggled, thinking it was all a fun game. “What the fuh! What the fuh!”

Y/N’s jaw clenched so tight she thought her teeth might crack. She turned slowly to Billie, who was trying—and failing—not to laugh.

“Billie Eilish,” Y/N said in a tone that could curdle milk, “what the actual fuck—I mean—heck—heck is wrong with you?!”

Billie bit her lip, attempting to stifle a snort but failing miserably. “Babe, I didn’t mean to—”

“Didn’t mean to?” Y/N’s voice dropped to a dangerous whisper as she pointed at their gleeful toddler. “Her second birthday is in three days. Do you really want our daughter to be the kid who blows out her candles and yells ‘what the fuh!’ in front of everyone?”

Rosie clapped her hands excitedly. “What the fuh!”

Y/N shot Billie a glare so sharp it could’ve sliced through steel. “No, Ro, that’s a no-no word. Bad Billie.”

Billie winced like she’d been physically slapped. “Hey, c’mon, it’s not like I taught her on purpose.”

Y/N set Rosie back in the cart and grabbed the bananas out of Billie’s hands with a dramatic huff. “You’re on cleanup duty. And you’re explaining this to my mom if Ro slips up.”

Billie groaned, rubbing the back of her neck. “Your mom already thinks I’m a bad influence.”

“Well,” Y/N muttered, pushing the cart down the aisle, “now she has proof.”

Later that night, after Rosie was tucked in—without uttering any forbidden words, thank God—Billie shuffled into their bedroom looking like a guilty puppy.

Y/N was curled up with a book, doing her best to ignore Billie’s presence, even as Billie flopped dramatically onto the bed beside her.

“Babe,” Billie whined, nudging Y/N’s arm. “I’m sorry.”

Y/N didn’t look up from her book. “You corrupted our daughter.”

Billie groaned, rolling onto her back. “It was an accident! I swear, I’ll fix it.”

Y/N finally glanced at her, arching an eyebrow. “Oh yeah? And how exactly do you plan on fixing that?”

Billie grinned, pulling Y/N’s book out of her hands and tossing it onto the nightstand. “Simple. I’ll just teach her other words to say instead.”

Y/N sighed, but the corner of her mouth twitched. “Like what?”

Billie sat up, her face serious. “Like… ‘What the fudge!’ Or ‘What the flip!’” She wiggled her eyebrows. “Or we could go full grandma and teach her to say, ‘Oh, sugar!’”

Y/N finally laughed, shoving Billie’s shoulder. “You’re ridiculous.”

“But you love me.” Billie grinned, leaning in and pressing a kiss to Y/N’s cheek. “And I love you. And Ro. Even if she’s a tiny parrot.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, but her heart melted all the same. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

Billie wrapped her arms around Y/N, pulling her into her chest. “Lucky? Nah, I’m just smart. I got you and Ro, didn’t I?”

Y/N sighed, snuggling into Billie’s warmth despite herself. “Just… try not to turn her into a sailor before preschool, okay?”

Billie chuckled, kissing the top of Y/N’s head. “Deal. But if she slips up… I’m blaming you for teaching her ‘heck.’”

Y/N groaned, but she couldn’t help the smile that tugged at her lips. Life with Billie might’ve been chaotic, but it was theirs—bad words, bananas, and all.

[nameless-jamie]

The Hangover Helper

Masterlist

Jamie Tartt x fem! PA reader

TW: cursing, suggestive scenes

7:32 AM – Jamie Tartt’s Flat

Y/N knew exactly what she was walking into before she even stepped inside.

The second she opened the door (thankfully, she remembered to use the spare key Jamie had given her after the fourth time he lost his own), she was hit with the overwhelming stench of tequila, regret, and expensive cologne.

The place was a disaster.

Clothes on the floor. A half-eaten kebab on the coffee table. A single sock dangling from the ceiling fan—she didn’t even wanna ask.

And then, from the depths of his bedroom, came the unmistakable sound of a dying man.

She sighed, rolling her eyes. Here we go.

With her coffee in one hand and zero patience in the other, she made her way to his room, nudging the door open with her foot.

And there he was.

Jamie Tartt. Top half covered, bottom half naked...as usual.

Premier League footballer. Richmond’s golden boy. A man so dramatic he made Shakespeare look like a realist.

Currently, he was face-down in his pillows, covered by half a blanket, groaning like he’d been personally cursed by the gods.

“Oh my god,” he mumbled, voice muffled. “Close the door. It’s too loud an' bright.”

She scoffed. “Jamie, the door is silent. You’re hungover, not a vampire.”

Another groan. “I might be. Feels like I’m dyin’.”

She took a long, deliberate sip of her coffee. “Good. Serves you right.”

Jamie peeked one bloodshot eye out from his cocoon of suffering. “That’s well cruel. What happened to ‘in sickness and in health,’ eh?”

She snorted. “That’s marriage, Jamie. I’m your assistant, not your wife.”

Jamie smirked weakly. “Dunno. Feels like we’re emotionally married at this point. You've already kissed me that one time, remember?”

“I told you it was an accident, Jamie! I wasn't in the right state of mind. You said it's okay and that you won't mention it again! God, if I were your wife I'd want a divorce.”

He rolled his eyes and mumbled something along the lines of "How do you even kiss someone 'on accident'" into his pillow

She ignored him and clapped her hands. “C’mon, superstar, time to get up.”

Jamie groaned louder, dramatically flopping onto his back. “Can’t. Won’t. Refuse.”

“You have training.”

“I have a headache.”

“Your fault.”

“You’re mean.”

“You’re annoying.”

Jamie pouted, fully committing to his dramatics. “I thought you were supposed to take care of me.”

She crossed her arms. “I do. Every day. Which is why I know you have exactly seven minutes before I call Roy and tell him you’re too hungover to come in.”

Jamie bolted upright.

His head immediately regretted it.

“Fuck,” he winced, grabbing his temples. “Don’t be evil.”

She grinned. “Then move your fine ass.”

Jamie huffed, flopping back down. “Alright. But you gotta help me.”

“Help you what?”

He smirked that smirk, eyes half-lidded and full of mischief. “Get dressed. I’m all weak an’ vulnerable, babe.”

She rolled her eyes so hard they almost fell out of her skull. “You literally run ten miles in a match, Jamie.”

He made grabby hands. “Too hungover. You gotta do it.”

She threw a pillow at his face.

Jamie cackled, but it quickly turned into a pained groan as his head protested the movement.

“Christ,” he muttered, rubbing his temples. “Never lettin’ Jack Daniels win again.”

She sat on the edge of the bed, sighing. “How bad is it?”

Jamie dramatically collapsed onto her lap, throwing an arm over his eyes.

“Swear down, I’d die without ya,” he mumbled, half-asleep already.

Her heart stuttered, but she refused to let him know that.

Instead, she poked his forehead. “You wouldn’t. You’d just be late to training and piss off Roy.”

Jamie sighed, sinking deeper into her lap, voice all sleepy and soft.

“Same thing, innit?”

She let out a small breath, barely suppressing a smile as she ran her fingers through his messy hair.

“Alright, drama queen,” she muttered, nudging his shoulder. “If I make you coffee, will you actually get up?”

Jamie peeked up at her, grinning lazily. “Only if you drink it with me in bed.”

She scoffed. “Not happening.”

“Then I ain’t movin’.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Fine. I’ll just text Roy then.”

Jamie immediately sat up. “Fuckin’ hell, woman. You’re ruthless.”

She smirked. “And yet, you’d die without me?”

Jamie stretched his arms over his head, his shirt riding up just enough to reveal a sliver of his abs. He definitely did that on purpose.

“Yeah, well,” he said, giving her a slow, sleepy grin, “at least I’d die lookin’ at somethin’ pretty.”

She rolled her eyes again, trying to ignore the warmth creeping up her neck.

“You’re insufferable,” she muttered, standing up.

Jamie flopped back onto the bed, making a dramatic show of reaching for her. “Don’t leave me, love.”

She turned around in the doorway, shaking her head. “I’ll be back with coffee. Make some room in bed for me.”

Jamie sighed. “You’re an angel.”

“And you’re a pain in my ass.”

Jamie grinned. “You love it.”

She didn’t answer.

Because, unfortunately for her, he might actually be right.

[musashi]

#I saw this had only 37 notes and I need to comment#it is so important for neurodivergent people (especially teens and young adults) to learn how to be uncomfortable#I'm glad we're normalizing these things and people are learning to take care of their needs#but just because it doesn't make you evil to behave in a neurodivergent way when interacting with others#doesn't mean that everyone is gonna be able to handle that#I'm 17 and I'm queer and I have adhd so I'm friends with lots of people my age similar to me#and we were the main demographic for acting super chronically online and playing trauma Olympics and it's not easy to recover from that#but you have to learn how to or you WILL alienate yourself from people who aren't exactly like you#it's not ableist for someone to tell you to stop infodumping if they just don't wanna listen to you#interactions between people are generally suppose to be at least mildly pleasant for both parties#which means if you're an “I rant and you listen” to everyone you talk to you'll come off as rude and self interested#basically what I'm trying to get at bc I'm incoherent is that yes. be yourself. accomodate yourself.#but also respect other people's boundaries#and be ok with not being delighted all the time if it means helping someone else accomodate their needs as well#If you and the other person just aren't having fun when you interact and neither of you can compromise enough#limit your interaction#not everyone has to like you and you don't have to like everyone and no is the bad guy

i hope this doesn't sound condescending but you are wise beyond your years, friend. i quite literally made this post about people my age who are just incapable of, as you put it, "learning to be uncomfortable." i've worked so many jobs with millennial tiktok neurodivergents who are exactly like that, find out i'm queer/nd and try to bond with me, and then are immediately put off when i'm not a helpless, victimized waif and am instead a very intensely motivated careerwoman who doesn't play with their 'but i have ADHD!' sensibilities.

the alienation thing especially gets me. people pathologizing all their symptoms and driving an immovable wall of missed connection in between themselves and others. "sorry i snapped i have RSD" when you could just be like "sorry i snapped, i was feeling sensitive" and bond with a person, rather than stigmatize/other yourself and push them away. god i could go on forever.

i remember being young and feeling validated when i found out i was not broken and there were words for the things i felt and couldn't seem to help. i wanted to be sick so bad and lean into that sickness all i could because it felt like the answer. but uh. you gotta grow up y'all. figuring out there's nothing wrong with you is step 1. step 2 is figuring out how you, strange and beautiful and different, can coexist with the normies and the other oddbrained folks who might not always align with every part of you. and if you don't want to do that. you can't act like other people are wrong for avoiding you.

it's so hard because it's like. i get it. but also. grow up.

i need people on this website to learn that just because you have a symptom does not mean you are always right or deserve the same accommodation from every single person in your life like sometimes you have just got to suck it up/compromise/work on an alternative.

there are so many reasons and scenarios this applies to but every so often i will think about that one AITA post where someone was talking about how like they do not like being infodumped at unprompted and how much it upset them/stresses them out and everyone in the comments was calling them ableist and it was so clear it was just a bunch of traumatized autistics who have been told to shut up one too many times and like that sucks man it really does but you have got to accept that for every asshole who tells you to shut up and stop obsessing over xyz there is going to be someone well meaning and kind who just genuinely cannot engage with, process, listen to, or tolerate that much information and that has nothing to do with you or them it's just like. a part of being alive

learn about neuroclash, separate your shitty abusive parents & toxic ex friends from normal ass folks who might not gel w all ur Behaviours, and watch as communicating and making friends suddenly gets a whole lot easier!

[tatooine92]

Well, I finished it.

I'm gonna put some thinky-thoughts under the cut because I'm pretty sure I have mutuals who aren't looking for spoilers.

If the entire game had been like the endgame, we might have stood a fighting chance of the game being a success.

It's just...not good. It's a mid game overall and a bad Dragon Age game.

Weak characters, weak dialogue, weak worldbuilding, often weak acting, the complete dismissal of so much lore, a lack of roleplay options, choices that don't matter, past choices that were never brought up again - not to mention the walking character assassination calling itself Solas and the Varric "twist." Garbage. All garbage.

Plus, the romances. I can only speak to the Lucanis one but that was some of the most godawful writing I've ever seen. I've been a Bioware girlie since the KOTOR days so I'm very familiar with what a Bioware romance can be. And that was just - what the hell even was that? I don't particularly want to write Veilguard fanfic but if I did it'd be to give that poor man an actual arc, romance or otherwise. And a personality.

Oh, and the outfits, by and large, were AWFUL. Never thought I'd miss putting Dorian in plaidweave.

Other people have more eloquently laid out the major structural problems with this game, so I'm not going to try to repeat their words. But it's so weird that I can't even say "Well it was a little rough but it's got good bones" because it doesn't. The bones are rotten too.

I'd like to go back to the day I finished playing DA2 and take back everything I said about it because that game at least had a solid grip on everything that DAO had built.

Every time I listened to the guy who's supposed to be my Inquisitor with his phoned-in dialogue, I just kept thinking that there's another, better, Inquisitor-focused game in southern Thedas and that's the one I'd rather be playing.

All told, I'm just sad. Bioware's been dying for a decade or more. If ME5 fails, EA will shutter the studio. I knew this was gonna be rough. When it was almost a decade of silence followed by "Hey watch for Dragon Age: Dread Wolf!" and then it was unceremoniously changed to "The Veilguard" (may as well call it Thedas Avengers) I just KNEW.

I wanted to be wrong. I wanted so very badly to be wrong.

[deep sigh]

But lest you think that all I've done is bitch and moan (because, let's be real, that's exactly what I've done), I did like some things.

I would commit war crimes for Antoine. Evka is going to beat me to it though.

Some of the environmental design was really cool, like the dwarven stuff.

I know Manfred and Assan were factory-designed to be lovable and it wasn't as organic as Scratch and the owlbear cub in BG3, but, dammit, it worked, and I liked them.

I had a great time with the mission where you (badly, not at all sneakily) infiltrate Elgar'nan's party, but I wish it had been darker and creepier. Still had fun with that quest.

Always happy to see Morrigan.

Always happy to see Xenon the Antiquarian.

There were scattered snippets of dialogue or party member moments that I enjoyed, but I'm too tired to think of specifics right now. They were in there, though.

I liked being able to pet every cat I saw. Couldn't do that in RDR2.

On the whole, it felt like playing a game made from the bad fanfic of someone who had only read the DAge wiki once. Just about everything it did copied stuff that other games have done better. And it copied none of the stuff that made the other DAge games great.

Rating after Act 1: 2/10 Final rating: 4/10

YMMV.

[spidermans-l-o-v-e-r]

Strawberries and Cream

Pairing: Eddie Diaz x Reader

Notes: I’m literally doing this all from my iPad mini, including editing so you know I’m sorry if it’s TRASH. I’m so glad to finally put this out! 😀😀😀 15 is uhhh slow goin! But I’m workin on it!!! Please understand I am now on my phone editing this while walking the dog

Chapter 13: Criminal Minds

Tommy doesn’t even try to stop you as you go running to the trailer, he just jogs alongside you. You rip the door open and run in and Eddie grabs your waist, Athena mutes the line

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”

“It’s him, Eddie it’s him” Your hands are shaking and he turns you in his arms

“Who??”

“The man from the club. The one you guys beat up??? He’s got Buck”

“What the hell???”

“Hi Y/N, glad to see you’re awake” you hear over the phone and you cling to Eddie

“You don’t have eyes on me, but I have them on you. My name is Nero, it’s nice to make your acquaintance, now, if you’ll unmute me. I want Eddie”

You rush over and hit the unmute button and Athena pulls you back

“What do you want him for?!” You yell and he laughs evilly

“That was actually really good” you hear over the line and Eddie face palms

“Buck!! Buck, are you okay??” You cry and Athena glares at Eddie. He grabs your waist, pulling you back against his chest

“I’m fi-“You hear a smash and your blood runs cold

“I let him have his compliment, my dear Evan. I thank you for that. But let’s get down to business. You bring me, Eddie, I let him go. Simple as that”

“That’s stupid!! Why do you even want them!” You say and you can hear the eye roll.

“Oh, honey. Could it be that they possibly beat the shit out of me and humiliated me???”

“Because you were being a total creep!! To like, a bunch of women!! They had every right to kick your ass!! It’s your fault I ended up in that stupid coma!!”

“Technically, the anesthesia was the reason. That’s right, I know things. I was on drugs, Y/N I didn’t mean it”

“Am I supposed to care?! You did shitty things drugs or not and you got your ass whooped for it. Just take the L and leave my family alone!”

“I just wanted to dance with you, I just wanted one fucking dance”

“This is gonna sound so stupid, but you could have asked.”

“Right, right, with your three, six fucking foot bodyguards on you at all times”

“6’2” Tommy interrupts him

“Is this really the time” Eddie whispers, sounding completely exasperated and Athena whacks Tommy in the chest

“If you know me so well? You should know the kind of person that I am! And had you just asked, and just been nice?? I would have said yes and I would have asked them to leave us alone as long as you were respectful”

“Are we really arguing with this man right now?” Athena says under her breath and Nero sighs

“You’re such a fucking Buckley. Do all of you have to be this stubborn?”

“Well, when you’re doing something stupid!! Now give him back!!!”

“No? I’m not- I’m not just gonna give him back because you asked??”

“What if I asked nicely? Can you please give us Buck back?”

“Are- are you shitting me?”

“Well??” You throw your hands in the air “I asked nicely!!!”

“Y/N?? I’m a bad guy??? Bad guys don’t just give in because you fucking ask nicely?!?!!”

“Well you didn’t have to be so rude about it” You scoff and he groans loudly

“Jesus. Sorry?? Happy?? Now can you please just fucking send Diaz in so we can get this over with??? He and I have a walk to go on”

“No!!!” You yell

“Okay. Say goodbye to your cousin”

You hear a gun cock and you freeze

“Make the fucking decision Y/N”

“No, no wait! Wait, I'll come in!” Eddie yells and you look back at him like he’s grown six heads

“What?!”

“Just send him out, and I’ll trade places with him okay please”

“Eddie??” Your voice cracks and he starts to take off his gear

“See? That's what I’m talking about! He’ll be out back, Tommy you might wanna get him he’s heavy as fuck when he’s knocked out”

“No. No no no this is stupid no, we can work something out” You try to fight Eddie’s gear back on and he shakes his head, taking your hands in his”

“I can save you and Buck, baby. You don’t have to make the decision, I’m making it for you”

“That is so romantic” Nero sighs as you hear him dragging Buck. “Don’t get any ideas either, I’ll tell you when Buck is ready”

“Please no no please no” You sob and Eddie holds you “ It’s gonna be okay, I promise you it’ll be okay. We’ll be okay”

Nero gives the go-ahead for Tommy and he and Eddie walk out, Athena has to pry you off of him as you scream at him to come back. She fully does not agree to this but she can’t stop him, he’ll go in there no matter what. He takes a hidden camera with him, giving you one last kiss before he leaves the trailer

“Isn’t this fun?” Nero says, leaning against the door as he watches Tommy and Eddie approach “I’m surprised she let you come” He’s got two guns, trained on both Eddie and Tommy

“Take him and leave. Mr. Diaz?” He steps aside and Eddie sighs, looking at Tommy

“Take care of them, please”

“Well, I'll be damned” Nero laughs as they hear shouting behind them. You’re running straight for them, and Eddie curses loudly

“Are you shitting me!” Tommy yells as he lets Buck go and tries to catch you. You slip right through his arms, running for Eddie

“Don’t you fucking dare!” He yells at you, and you dive at the door, tumbling in. Nero shrugs and slams the door shut. Locking it tight while Eddie slams his body against it

“No! No, we had a fucking deal! You give her back!”

“The deals changed! And you keep trying to break that down, your precious little girlfriend is going to be full of lead!”

The banging stops as you pant wildly, sprawled out on the floor

“I’m okay Eddie! Just trust me!” You call out and Nero raises his gun to you, you recoil but the hit never comes

“Shut up” he hisses, dragging you to your feet and tossing you into a scorched chair

“You’re so fucking lucky I think you’re pretty or I would have pistol whipped your ass. What were you thinking?! I said I wanted Eddie! Why did you come?!”

“Because I love him. And I love Buck and Tommy, and I can’t let you hurt them”

“How noble”

“Are bullets really made of lead?” You ask and he looks at you, then looks at the gun, turning his wrist over

“I mean yeah, and like a bunch of other stuff… why?”

“I don’t know,” you shrug “Just always kinda wondered”

“I mean do you want me to Google it?”

“Yeah why not”

“Are you two actually doing this right now?!!” You hear Eddie through the phone speaker and Nero rolls his eyes

“It’s a good fucking question??”

He sits on the floor next to you, setting one of the guns down and keeping the other on you as he starts googling

“Can we please discuss getting Y/N back?” Athena sounds tired and she’s got every right

“Yeah… yeah just give me a second. Hold this” he switches the safety on and hands you the gun and your eyes widen

“I know you don’t know how to turn it off. I need both hands”

“He did not just hand you the gun,” Tommy says

“He did”

“Okay it says here, Bullets can be made from a variety of materials, including metals, plastics, and rubber, and their construction depends on their intended use”

“What’s your intended use?” You ask and he shrugs, taking the gun back

“Murder.”

“Oh! That's…that’s so nice! H-hopefully you bought the right ones…”

“I’m sure I did” He pats your head lovingly and Eddie groans loudly

“Great! We found out what bullets are made of!! Can we please have Y/N back??”

“We discussed this”

“Just cause you say it nicely doesn’t mean he’s gonna give me back,” You say and he coos at you

“That’s my girl! Look, Eddie! She’s learning!!”

“What do you really want?” You ask, looking him over and he shrugs

“How about, not getting my ass kicked in the middle of the club and then thrown out into the fucking alley where I got my wallet stolen! Oh yeah!! And my fucking identity!! I’ve literally been ruined”

“This sounds like a you problem” Buck groans softly and you perk up

“Buck?? Buck is that you? Are you okay?”

“My head hurts” He whines and Nero rolls his eyes

“I barely hit you”

“You pistol-whipped me three times!! I’ve got a freaking concussion!!”

“How would you know” He scoffs and Buck nearly jumps through the phone to strangle him

“Can we please get back on track!” Athena yells at all of you and you look and Nero

“I think you can listen to that one,” You say and he nods along

“You’re right. Anyway, I don’t need Eddie anymore… I’ve got something better. So we’re just going to be on our way..”

He stands up and holds out his hand and you hesitate, before taking it. He pulls you up flush against his chest and you narrow your eyes

“You know if you weren’t a psychopath, I’d probably think that move was hot”

“Hey!” Eddie yells

“He’s attractive!! Under you know, all the fucking crazy!!”

“I’m going to take that as a compliment” He growls, yanking you tighter against him

“Let’s fucking go”

“How are you planning on getting out of here??” You ask and he grins widely

“You really think I didn’t have an exit strategy?”

“I mean I don’t know you so…”

You can hear Eddie yelling as he hangs up, taking your hand and leading you over to a set of stairs

“Better fuckin hurry before your boyfriend and Hulk Jr come breaking down the door”

You run down the stairs, tripping over your shoes and he groans

“You had to wear the damn platforms”

“Why do you even know what shoes I have?!” You ask as he drags you behind him down a damp corridor, it’s not very well-lit and you wonder where the hell he’s taking you.

“Because Y/N it took me a long damn time to plan this?? And I’m not going to fuck it up by not knowing your every move. I thought Eddie’s idea to take you to that house last week was very romantic by the way”

You freeze in your tracks and he turns back

“You- you were there?”

He listens for a moment, to see if someone has caught on and sighs.

“I didn’t stick around. I’d planned to grab Eddie, that night. But… you guys were so happy-“

“So why would you break us up now?”

“I don’t want to talk about this. Get moving”

You run along silently for a while until you come to a fork, he stops for a second, tossing you to the floor to let you rest and you cross your arms over your chest, pulling your knees up

“If you tell me you don’t know which way to go I’m gonna laugh at you,” You say, letting your head fall back and he sneers at you

“Of course, I know which way to go, I’m so sorry I wanted you to have a break”

“I’m just saying, it’s gonna be really funny if we have to turn around.”

“You know you’re really damn chipper for having been kidnapped”

“What do you want me to do?? Be a sniveling, crying mess??? That’s not going to solve my problem of getting away from you before you kill me!”

He looks at you for a minute, narrowing his eyes before shaking his head and sitting down across from you

“Are you hungry?”

“Are you joking?”

“Fine, be hungry see if I give a fuck” He pulls out a bag of pretzels from his pocket and pops one in his mouth

“I can’t accept random food from a psychopath sorry,” you say and he rolls his eyes

“And here I thought it was because of the peanut allergy”

Your mouth drops open and he winks “I told you I know all about you sweetheart”

It’s quiet for a few minutes before he sighs, letting his head fall against the wall behind him.

“I am sorry. For the way, I danced with you… I- I was on drugs and I know that’s not an excuse. I know it’s not… but it’s the reason and, I don’t know. I’m not usually like that” he chuckles awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck “I’m sorry”

You look at him, your eyes narrowing. You can tell he means this apology. He’s threatened to murder you… and yet he’s apologizing for grinding on you.

“Are you seriously doing this because you got your identity stolen? It just…. Feels deeper than that”

He looks at you, offering you the bag of pretzels and you gingerly take it, popping one in your mouth too. He wouldn’t eat them if they were laced

“Have you ever heard the name Aurora Din?”

Eddie is beside himself. If he could rip out his hair he would, if he could blow up that entire damn tunnel system just to find you he would.

The transmitter you swiped has gotten weaker the further you go but it’s still slowly moving along, although it’s a bit laggy. They’re watching your little dot, just chillin' there.

“Did they stop?” Buck asks, holding an ice pack to his head as Tommy wipes up his lip

“It looks like it” Athena sighs. As soon as Nero hung up she’d had to tell Eddie the entire plan you’d come up with. You’d trade places with him, having a transmitter hidden in your shoe and they’d be following it and Eddie screamed about what a shitty plan that was and how could they possibly go through with it

He apologized immediately after Athena gave him the look

“Look we’ve called in back up and everyone is searching the best thing you can do is-“

“If you tell us to go home,” Buck says and she puts her hands on her hips

“Pair up with Officers Nolan and Juarez. I know you’re not going anywhere. But I need to know I can trust the three of you, I need to know that the three of you will work with them, not against them.”

“We promise, Mom” Buck sighs, rubbing his head

Eddie hugs Athena, holding her tightly “I-I’m sorry. I know you’re doing your best… I promise we’ll be good”

She hugs him back, patting his back and kissing his forehead

“I know you will baby” Her voice breaks as she pulls away from Eddie

“Alright, they’re outside waiting for you. Let’s go find her”

Officer Juarez is very excited to see Eddie again, and even under the circumstances he can’t help but chuckle a little with her as they walk along the tunnels with flashlights. Your tracker started moving again not too long ago, faster this time.

“It seems like this Nero guy hasn’t had the best last year or so” John reads the report from his phone

“His girlfriend died in a bad accident…”

“Am I supposed to be sympathetic? He kidnapped mine” Eddie says, stepping over a plastic baggy

“Her name was Aurora Din” He reads off “Huh she would have been the same age as Y/N… same hair color too”

“Let me see that” Eddie reaches over for the phone and Buck and Celina crowd around it. They look over Nero’s profile and Eddie looks over at John

“Do you have anything on Aurora?”

“Yup right here” Celina clicks through a few things and Eddie starts reading

“Buck? Tommy??” He looks up and Tommy steps away a bit, holding his phone up

“I have no signal”

“Do you need to call someone??” Celina asks and Tommy nods

“We need to call Y/Ns Doctor, now”

Fifteen minutes later Joel Din arrives on the scene, they take him straight to the trailer and Athena radios John. John hands it over to Eddie

“Joel- Joel do you know a Nero??”

“You mean Nero Pike? He was going to be my son-in-law… that name is too rare not to know him. Why??”

“We think we know why he kidnapped Y/N” Buck says

“He did what?!” Joel has to sit down for a minute, Bobby offers him a cup of water and he downs it

“What the hell do you mean, he kidnapped her?! He would never do that!”

“Well, he did. He wasn’t after us at all, he knew she’d come running in headfirst” Eddie explains, running his hand through his hair

“He kidnapped her”

“Why the hell would he do that???”

“Oh I don’t know-“ Tommy says sarcastically “Because Y/N is a dead ringer for your daughter??”

“When you said that were similar, I didn’t know you meant that similar! They’re almost identical Joel, right down to the same color lipgloss!”

“Bet it’s the same brand too” Buck scoffs and Juarez snorts

“Okay. Okay. Yes. She’s…eerily similar to Aurora, that’s why I loved her so much Eddie. That’s why I couldn’t give up on her. Had I known Nero had seen her? I- I don’t know I would have talked to him. He’s not- he’s never been like this Eddie. I know he’s been off the deep end since her death but I didn’t know it was this bad. You have to believe me”

“Of course, I believe you” Eddie sighs

“Do you have any idea where he’d take her?” John asks and Joel sighs, holding his head in his hands

“There’s a cabin, they used to go to. I don’t know where it is but I know I can find out. I just need time”

“You might not have time,” Celina says and they all look at her. She shrugs awkwardly and Buck starts to fake strangle her. Tommy grabs his waist and pulls him away and she laughs

“Please, hurry” Eddie begs him “The tracker is starting to die again” he hands John back the radio and turns to the three of them

“My fucking girlfriends been abducted and you’re all joking around??”

“My cousin- no my sister has been abducted” Buck stands in front of him “She’s not just important to you Eddie. But if I don’t lighten the fuck up it’s not gonna be good alright?? If we don’t have some sort of levity to this shitty fucking situation I’m gonna lose it”

Eddie curses, smashing his flashlight against the wall and Buck cringes a little. Tommy comes over, putting his arm over Eddie’s shoulders

“Feel better?”

“Yeah… sorry about that” He picks up the smashed light and John shrugs

“Needed new batteries anyway”

Buck giggles and Eddie reaches out for him “Bring it in buddy. I’m sorry I was being such an asshole”

Buck hugs him tightly, sighing into his shoulder “We’re fighting the same battle, remember I’m in your corner”

“I know, I’m with you too man”

Celina looks over at Tommy and John as Eddie and Buck stand together, rubbing each other's backs

“I feel like we’re interrupting something”

“Are you sure he’s dating the right Buckley?” John asks

“You know sometimes I wonder that too”

“Oh come on!! Bros supporting bros!” Buck yells at them

“You don’t see me hugging Eddie like that!” Tommy throws his hands in the air and Buck lets go

“Do you want to hug Eddie like that???”

“I mean yeah! It seems nice!”

Eddie opens his arms, waving his hands “Come on buddy come and get it. You too” He points at John and John steps back

“No- no I'm fine it’s-“ Eddie hugs Tommy and they both bring John into a group hug and Celina laughs at them

“Oh, you’re not getting out of this!” Buck drags Celina in with them and puts her in the middle

“Is this always what it’s like to be Y/N??” She asks as they squish her between them

“Yup!!”

Nero lifts the grate cover climbs out and turns around to reach down for you. He pulls you up and replaces it carefully. You seem to have come out in some woodsy area

“So…what happened next?” You ask as he takes your hand, pulling you through the woods

He’d been telling you all about Aurora, his fiancee and Joel Din’s daughter. That was how he’d known so much about you, he snuck into the hospital, disguised as a nurse and had made copies of your charts. He found out the rest on his own, breaking into Buck and Eddie’s places, even into Maddie’s at one point. He’d left as soon as he found Jee-Yun and didn’t come back.

The last moments he’d spent with Aurora were jarring, to say the least.

“A drunk driver…took my world from me and everything I had to live for. I threw myself into drugs and drinking. The last words I ever heard my angel say… were “I love you”

He chokes up a little and you felt a pang of grief in your chest, nothing he’s doing is okay. It’ll never be okay, and you’ll get back to Eddie, you know you will.

But you can understand it.

“I was gonna go home, after doing one last line… call it a night… when I saw you.”

You look up at him, and he’s looking right back at you

“I’d thought I’d died. I thought that last line had killed me, not that I’d mind. But no, I heard Eddie call you Y/N and I knew you weren’t her… you know she even had that same dress? Fashion Nova right?”

“Yeah…”

“Yeah I thought so, I’d gotten it for her” He chuckles and shakes his head “I couldn’t breathe, I needed you. I still need you”

“I can’t replace her, Nero. No one can” you say quietly, watching your steps again and he keeps his eyes on you

“I'm not looking to replace her. I’m looking to make it easier”

“We could have been friends” You bite your lip, holding back tears and he shakes his head, going back to pulling you along

“I don’t want a friend. I want my life back. Now if you’d kindly shut up and keep up” he waves the gun and you glare at him

“Can you please put that thing away? I know you’re not going to hurt me, Nero”

“Says fucking who??” He scoffs

“You’d shoot Aurora?” You ask seriously and he stops again, staring at you. He glares because he knows he’s been found out. You could get away from him now, so he does what he has to do, he fires off a warning shot, it grazes the tip of your ear and you yelp

“Don’t you say her fucking name”

It’s quiet after that, very quiet. Your soft pants echo around you as you trudge through the forest behind him. He doesn’t turn to you, doesn’t say a word, he hardly even makes sure you’re keeping up.

“Nero?” You say softly “I-I need a break again”

It’s been at least an hour since he’d shot at you, you’re sure. You have no idea where the hell you two are going or how no one’s found you yet, you’re just praying the tracker is still working

He stops walking, sitting on a nearby log and points to the ground in front of you, he stops you before you sit down, handing you his jacket to sit on. You thank him quietly and sit down, stretching your legs out in front of you and letting your head fall back

“How much further?” You ask and he shrugs, looking at his watch. He won’t look at you anymore

“Nero?”

“Can you please shut up”

“I sound like her too, don’t I?”

You can’t beat em? Join 'em.

“Yes.” He deadpans and you nod slowly, looking away from him

“Do you want me to change my voice?” You ask in a weird deep voice and he snorts, shaking his head, unable to contain his chuckles

“Really?”

“How about this one?” You say in a weird stitch-type voice and he lets his head fall back as he laughs

“Jesus shut up Ari”

You both freeze, it’s like all of the air has been sucked from the space around you. He slowly tips his head back up and stares at you, his eyes are so lifeless, so… cold. You swallow thickly and he stands up, holding out his hand to you. You take it, this time he just pulls you up, not making any moves, not making any jokes. He doesn’t let go of your hand this time though, he just quietly leads you through the forest again.

You don’t bother him anymore after that, and that seems to calm him down, his grip on your hand doesn’t loosen though and you don’t blame him. Eventually, you come out to a road, there’s a car up ahead, it looks like it’s been sitting there all day with how covered in leaves it is. He comes up to the car, brushes off a few of the leaves and opens the door

“Get in”

You look at him, hesitating, and he shakes his head, reaching for your ear and you rear back. He glares and you slip past him, sitting in the passenger seat. He slams the door shut and you watch as he removes the leaves from the car, clearly, he’d done it himself to make it look abandoned had anyone come across it. He gets in a few minutes later, tossing his gun into your lap and putting his hands on the wheel

“We’ve got a long drive ahead of us. I’ve already got all your favorite snacks and drinks in the back. We’ll make a quick stop to go pee, and if you fucking try anything Y/N. I blow your entire family to pieces”

“What does that mean?” You turn to him and he starts the car

“It means there’s a bomb somewhere in the 118. And unless we make it to the cabin together? I’m going to set it off. It’s your choice whether I do or not. Now, how about some music?”

[amber-laughs]

this might not be fair but can i say i’m not really a fan of the “victors found family” trope bc they don’t really seem to all like each other.

in fics, and it’s no hate bc everybody should play around with canon however they want i’m just venting because i've only been in the fandom like a week and a half, people seem to really enjoy the idea that the victors who’ve been sex trafficked are really close and look out for each other, usually Cashmere, Gloss and Finnick. but those three specifically are trying to kill each other pretty quick in the Quell and Finnick specifically tells Katniss not to trust them and i personally think that makes a lot more sense if we realistically look at their situation. groomers and predators will always try to isolate their victims and Snow especially uses this tactic with his Victors.

he takes out their families and makes them live in isolated neighborhoods. It wouldn’t shock me if there was a lot of drama, grudges and bad blood within the victors/mentors circle because that’s how Snow operates. It’s pretty implied that Johanna was supposed to be trafficked but wouldn’t comply and that’s how her family died, that also perfectly coincides with she and Finnick maintaining a close relationship. If the sex trafficking ring is purposefully being pit against each other, say Gloss is getting extra work and Snow lies and says it’s bc Finnick has to be home to take care of Annie or Enobaria is getting easier jobs than Cashmere and Snow lies and says it’s bc Enobaria specifically asked to switch some with Cash now he’s purposefully and very easily (bc they’re legit teenagers at first) creating bad blood and distrust between them just like Katniss says he does with people living in districts (ie Gale blaming Madge for not having her name in extra times bc she doesn’t need tesserae) it would be almost impossible for a healthy friendship to develop and evolve while still in the middle of it.

“Gale knows his anger at Madge is misdirected. On other days, deep in the woods, I’ve listened to him rant about how the tesserae are just another tool to cause misery in our district. A way to plant hatred between the starving workers of the Seam and those who can generally count on supper and thereby ensure we will never trust one another. “It’s to the Capitol’s advantage to have us divided among ourselves,” he might say if there were no ears to hear but mine.” Hunger Games - Chapter 1

I sent an obnoxiously long ask to someone's inbox about the Capitol specifically grooming Careers to be government prostitutes (shout out to them for putting up with it and having a great answer) and I think that its something that once again points to purposefully causing descent within the Victor's circle. if you're twelve years old and you live in one of the nicer districts (One, Two and Four) and you're hearing horror stories about Ten, Eleven, Twelve it would make a lot of sense if an adult authority figure came up to you and said you're not like them, you're better. thats why we let you guys train and teach you to survive in the games because we want you to win. you're gonna win, you have nothing to fear you should sign up. thats really easy to then flip to hey so that fancy academy you trained in, those fancy clothes you wore in the parade, the makeup we put on you for the interview, the sponsor gifts you got in the arena, that was us. we did that for you. now you have to do something for us. and because they've spent their whole lives being groomed to fight to the death in an arena all in the name of money, power, glory why should this be any different? You're the Victor, the Capitol loves you, they wanna meet you, they wanna be with you and like everything Snow should benefit so he's gonna get the money and these kids think it's an honor to be loved by the Capitol but then once they realize what's actually happening and try to back out its hey so you're actually gonna do this or i'm gonna kill your whole family and so

"Don't trust One and Two" Finnick says Catching Fire - Chapter 19

it's probably not that they oh so enjoy being sex trafficked, or so love life under the Capitol but more probably that they just don't trust the rebels. and the rebels don't trust them. they've been forced give their bodies away for over a decade to keep their families alive while (in their eyes) Haymitch is an alcoholic who can't keep it together. he's not their lovable drunk uncle who holds their hand after a rough night. why should they have any faith in him to put together a winning plan?

“Oh, no. I was the example. The person to hold up to the young Finnicks and Johannas and Cashmeres. Of what could happen to a victor who caused problems,” says Haymitch Mockingjay - Chapter 12

Snow knows Haymitch is trouble so he makes sure all the victors know he already lost. his family is dead, his lover is dead and now he wastes his days drinking himself to death. he's a loser and not to be allied with. they're all still playing the game and the capitol is the career pack. everybody wants to keep themselves and their families alive and Snow has the most resources, the better plan and the odds are in his favor.

[chirpsythismorning]

Nick himself said that his knowledge is confined to the leaks prior to s4, the s4 scripts from his verified source (likely within a source) and basic knowledge most fans paying attention have been able to formulate about s5 based on what has been released officially/unofficially, trends from Netflix and common sense.

He is saying based on all that, he doesn’t think byler is happening. 

And if we think back to what the Duffers themselves shared in the 4x09 script, it literally implies Mike’s monologue worked, and that it was entirely genuine. This tells me that the script the Duffers released for Emmy consideration, is not that far off from what Nick saw for himself. 

I think it’s likely Nick got something that the average below the line worker might manage to get their hands on if they tried hard enough. A copy they know they have to water-down to prevent these very situations from happening.

Unfortunately for the Duffers, it just so happens that they didn’t scrub their watered down copy hard enough.

Unfortunately for Nick, he admitted that it’s possible and even likely that the production will release things that aren’t exactly accurate with the sole purpose to lead fans sleuthing astray, without realizing it may have ironically already happened to him. 

[storywestistrash]

i am actually so tired of the way westerners treat eastern europeans

[thanatika]

low-coherency rambling in the tags

[floral-hex]

MRI scheduled for next week to look for “abnormalities” in my brain

[timewizard-oldman]

i just finished watching adventure time i am so not ok about fern im so not ok about everything actually

fern is literally so special to me i've cried over him like 3 times......, i feel your pain unknown individual..............

[gibbearish]

i can't take any discourse post seriously if it says "x side is refusing to listen to survivors" because if you can't accept that survivors are not a monolith and may disagree with you in regards to your shared type of trauma then it really begs the question, are YOU actually listening to survivors? or are you only listening to the ones who say what you already thought and disregarding the rest as a) people who are incapable of understanding their own trauma and therefore can't be trusted to make decisions about it for themselves or b) outright fakers?

[playingonedchess]

when i was 17 and the school psychologist was so rubbish i genuinely believed id out-psycologisyed her by understanding her more than she understood me even though i never used the information

[itsalwaysdark]

also while im complaining i have a like cut scrape thing (annie claw mishap. long story) on like the knuckle of my middle finger and like whatever its annoying but i can do the bandaid like. cutting it knuckle thing and that kiiiiind of works . but thats not the issue the issue is that obviously i have to wash my hands but its not a waterproof bandaid bc idt we have any so i have to take the bandaid off bc obviously i Have to wash my hands or ill go to hell forever and be an evil gross person but its also being wasteful of the bandaids which is also an evil thing to do. Pleaseee can they just get rid of this cut or at least move it somewhere where i dont have to worry about it PLEASE

[unproduciblesmackdown]

payoff of being embedded in a unit of authoritarianism since birth is sure then being able to go like "wow this is just like dynamics & phenomena i experienced up close & personal, repeatedly, in many contexts & configurations in my first two decades of life" plus also beyond that in abuse culture world & the noncoincidence that even interactions beyond the confines of the home(tm) reinforced / did not contradict the hierarchy & concomitant abuse within....but then like hey yeah also the Larger Units of hierarchy & abuse / authoritarianism (ft. their logics & practices necessary for continuously & continually shoring up that hierarchy) can also make it like hey yeah the Two Parent abusive nuclear family more like the Two Party [the US is also a one party state but in typical american extravagance they have two] where right wingness is defined by the degree of directly embracing white supremacy & "left wing" is "anything else" hence like wow The Left is always infighting (everyone with any ideas besides "umm christofascist white ethnostate?" so like yeah there are many other ideas) vs The Right's admirable cohesion (simply re: the white supremacy idea which also necessarily embraces all other Out Group / Nonperson paradigms & practices b/c that's what all already has been necessary for shoring up the [when has the US been a nongenocidal non white supremacist non oligarchy])

like obviously individual experiences & contexts vary but like narrowing in on [the Family as immediate relations ideally cordoned off into nuclear households] ft. [Parental Authority the top priority of which is preserving that authority, ideally patriarchal, an abusive mother e.g.? hey, that ought to be the father] times it's like, think people tend to struggle re: having the "nicer" / "safer" parent who was also shitted on as well but also at the end of the day would always side with the "meaner" "more dangerous" parent, even in whatever terms most sympathetic to the abused parties, with the underlying logic that we're always just going to have to deal with them so some secret strategic mitigation is the best that can be done, perhaps the equivalent of being sent a ":(" after an Onslaught Of Expressed / Enforced Authority(tm) event....the tendency to see the best in any lack of actual intervention / protection on the assumption That Could Never Happen Anyway & forever At Least that the one parent isn't as bad as the other [the Not That Bad / Could've Been Worse infocation, like free bingo square in manifestations of minimization if not outright abuse denial] & all the sympathy for, you know, being human & doing their best(tm) &c which sure might all be true but the abused parties (oft children, more vulnerable than adults, by virtue of being children i.e. considered legal property of some specific adults & theoretical property of any adults in general (the paternal logic in any "protect [xyz]" like maintain one group's supposed ownership / control over [xyz] "for their sake" then? great) & also generally smaller & newer at being alive in this world) but who are liable to not extend that sympathy to themselves (or certainly not be extended that sympathy....when is "they're doing their best / they're only human / they mean well or whatever / they love you, they're family" successfully deployed the Thwart an abusive parent like it is to tell an abused child to not be too resentful of this situation, when is it actually deployed toward the abusive parent at all really. & again in the lack of boundary between the authoritarianism within many individual family households & that of the state they exist in (here re: the US) like that naturally one encounters the logic of abuse expressed just as "common knowledge" & the Assumptions of other people, e.g. the rejection of a parent having zero access to a child, the reinforcement of automatic apologia deployed for whatever a parent could possibly do, argued for "family", yet not deployed the same way to automatically defend anything thee child(tm) could do, thinking emoji lol....see: like the non boundary between [the Patriarchal home/family(tm)] & capitalism when uh oh capitalism the system of continuously maximizing exploitation Needs various forms of labor to be unpaid, uh oh another lack of boundary when white supremacy is used to also shore up the patriarchy that shores up the white supremacy, e.g. that even if in some "inferior" class it's treated as More Important that at least you're not that And black, the theoretical ideal/normal white man is a person while a white woman is a woman while a black woman is black, white women could have any legal property via chattel slavery which needed white women's participation to help enforce, the specter of sexual violence all coming from nonwhite & especially black men & it's up to the genteel white man to Protect Women (see prev, implicitly white or you'd have to specify otherwise)

anyway that is to get around to pointing to the Two Parent System wherein so shockingly the results are the same as the One Parent System re: abuse maintaining The Family (properly, i.e. unquestionable & certainly undeniable parental access to children, & "ideally" ofc again the patriarchal Father as ultimate authority w/ownership over the Mother, who in turn is theoretically honored for that motherhood (at least you own your children, insofar as it doesn't contradict w/what the father wants to do with his superior claim to ownership) & then finally all the obviously shittiness from being in that position in a patriarchy is in turn dumped on The Children who are ungrateful & owe the mother everything Because of what the broader society & immediate personal expressions of that abuse have done to her. see also ofc that two adults likely don't have the resources to raise a child in time or money or energy, maybe there's only one but also even an extended family's worth of adults aren't enough, is it enough when a child is sent to school for some other adults to be in charge most of the day, or even if someone is hired to look after them beyond that, all this ofc with the assumed premise that a child is always limited to the various Domains of The Adults In Charge, & from there i segue into how naturally being in gay baby jail unless & until adults are no longer recognized as Legally In Charge Of You (the grand like 5 minutes it's relatively been since the ideal timeline of a woman's life wasn't being legal property of her father until asap passed along to legal property of her husband. still considered ideal ofc but like with "maybe you can have a bank account" now & "maybe you can become 29 before you're in Old Maid danger" Maybe, i said, Maybe....anyway that obviously adults(tm) being divided up (atomised. spritz) into Households isn't even supposed to be enough to live on their own, re: necessitating Marriage, much less uh oh having kids who are stuck with their parents who are stuck with them, but then all the obvious actual problems & abuses inflicted on Adults to have to have their family households & exploited jobs are dumped on the children who Must appreciate & be loyal to the parents (i.e. never Deny Access) while yknow kids have Fake Problems they're whining about, the one Real Problem of having to pay a bill gets the payoff of leverage to tell your children to shut the fuck up or perhaps the more vulnerable spouse

hm didn't segue right into "so shoutout to like The Ratchet Effect diagrams lol, the "Two" Party System where its supposed left wing Blocks Movement To The Left, right wing Moves Everything To The Right" but even that is like, mm, conferring a passivity to what democrats do in the continual movement to the right (won an election? lost an election? the lesson either way is The Right Is Right; exact same logic as in "winning or losing" "the war on crime" like the collection & analysis of whatever statistics show the trend of some "crime" is increasing in frequency or magnitude? show that it's decreasing? the lesson either way is Cops Need More Power) like the institutional effort of democrats to push a candidate nobody wants through primaries (did we even do that this time around. oh great that the assumed candidate even graciously agreed to not force themself as The Candidate, & now like 5 min left with the Next In Line candidate dumped on everyone now with the lesson for the left(tm) to shut up already lol) & then it's up to Grassroots Voters. it's up to Unity & well we all Need to listen to the white supremacists, points were made, in the "elections" with voting as limited as possible & with the electoral college & supreme court as Safeguards against democracy & here's the senate, eternally thus, & again the conclusions will always manage to be moving To The Right, paraphrasing from twitter like democrats are about to be or already at the point of "in the name of unity we will no longer be running against republicans; it's too divisive :(" which yknow is already The Statements of all of yesterday from various like "i'm the republican official white supremacy agree-er now" after also the entire campaign of "no, I'm the fascist" where like wow shocking that the appeal to the fascists didn't win a) the fascists who will ofc want the even more overt fascism, why wouldn't they or b) the people who want antifascism actually, and do not want fascism; who could have foreseen? & it's always the fault of being Too Antifascist for the actions of the fascists or the Diplomatic Comprimises the other party makes with the fascists &/or their Failure to thwart them....the Nicer, Safer party in power is surely doing their best & at least they're not the Meaner, More Dangerous one but at the end of the day they'll always side with that party over america(tm) & those bearing the brunt of the actions of State Power can be told to keep their chin up or else to stop acting out b/c how do you expect that state power to respond, cmon, you bring it upon yourself, & you Have to work with them & understand all their feelings & your role in resolving those feelings by being lesser inferior property, you do Have to understand, b/c in the end this is All About Family, surely Good & Necessary, whoops i mean in the end this is All About America

anyway yeah i'm like damn my "nicer" (also shitty) father who was also the even more sexist & racist (& certainly no Less ableist, queerphobic) parent was basically the democratic party of the Two Parent System of Family Government lol. b/c we Need to perpetuate this Family, no other logics much less actions are acceptable....& people struggling with the Parent / Adults in their life like that who were the "safe" & "protective" ones who markedly failed to protect & minimized the harm afterwards but also in general, never to confront the reality of the situation, or do damage control like "aw some points were made at all :( ah i see you have Feelings about this :( hmm yes the Parental Power is gonna have to make some changes" & then as soon as possible (assuming reeling in the party who was deviating too much) these changes(tm) are already compromised or diminished if done at all, & then oops things incrementally might be right back to how they always were, no guarantees it won't be Worse b/c the Power is even more insecure / aware of weaknesses, & the only way this is thwarted is if the Wayward Parties can actually leverage new boundaries / less vulnerability, not b/c the supposedly sympathetic parties, who never came through where it counts & likely would also become overt antagonizers / wielders of whatever power within the Family hierarchy / turn on the more vulnerable parties to Get Them In Line, actually came through. movement Away (more disruptive to the maintenance of The Family, The State) is blocked, incrementally only ever moving everything back, & then Further....& despite this being what the power structures are, & do, the Disruptive parties liable to be scapegoated lol, can't believe the scapegoat child is ruining everything for everyone, this Family would totally improve & start being everything it could be otherwise & we ignore who actually has the power & is actually enforcing the hierarchy harming everyone to point to that scapegoat; can't believe thee left is destroying america (republican voice) can't believe the left is destroying america (democrat voice) So You See? The Undeniable Consensus. just like how i believe it was my fault my family unit was Like That & i had those experiences, according to the vast majority of Input from that family & even others who, knowing nothing, would say how Lucky i was to be relatively close to home, or just of course that oh well parents love their children & mean well & try their best. just like how i believe that being treated like i've been generally as a neurononconforming person, i.e. hated & the interpersonal abuse & bullying & ostracization & [attention possibilities: ignored, responded to but negatively, interacted with to get something from] & actually rewarding interactions or just actions being liable to get Deluxe authority responses as disruptive(tm) & ofc disobedient(tm) like hell fuckin yeah lol. just as i don't think that other people who have similar experiences or ones i don't have, i.e. assessed race being automatically seen as wrong / inferior, being isolated & undermined from all around? well gotta be their fault then, cmon lol....Abuse is actually normative, not extraordinary, in every Arena of interactions, & so are the logics / apologia / assumptions

anyway lol re: like yeah people struggling with the like betrayal of the "nooo i'm on your side, i sympathize, i'm the one who's nicer & you Need so that things aren't even worse" party, not even One Big Novel betrayal, but rather that that's what's Been done the whole time & doesn't stop. that supposedly if you have Any sympathy for that party you have to be like aw :( keep doing your thing (necessarily reining everyone in) or if you have Any sympathy for the people who also want things to improve but blame & take it out on the more disruptive parties (more disruptive to an abusive family e.g., btw. & not like i see Cohesion as necessarily some Good rather than neutral? when i'm autistic / my existence is supposedly antithetical to this? or when i'm able to look at a zillion hypothetical or actual situations & recognize how "cohesion" isn't the best goal / a destructive one / a vague concept anyways like cohesion Between Whom? on what basis? recognized & pursued how? why? up next: same as vague shit like "family" or "community" &c) then it's like yep gotta be Responsible for their feelings too if you're at all sympathetic & capitulate, The Only Possible Action, vs the idea of those in power actually making things shit stopping, much less being stopped / having to stop in the various ways that can happen....one way being "oh no, adult children who choose to be no-contact with parents" which is seen as A Tragedy, & sign of a Deteriorating Society, take me back. ah jeez oh no, look at the divorce raaates....Oh No, twentysomething women aren't pursuing marriage enoughhhh....again the undetectably identical echo when people peak vaguely talk about "conflicts" that thwart "community" or whatever, ugh nobody will date anymore, commit anymore, be friends anymore, hang out as coworkers anymore, talk to me if i want to talk to them anymore, &ccccc....

the real tl;dr is like wait ""two party"" (one party) US electoral system, just like ""two parent"" maintenance of thee family lol. ratchet effect raise your hand if you've only ever experienced Movement Away from the abusive family blocked, forever incrementally ratcheted back in to the desires & pursuits of those most in power / top of the hierarchy / thus of course most invested in the abuse, that's what the power & hierarchy is made of, sustained by, perpetuates....sorry doing our best :( sorry that's just all that's realistic, no other choice Really. cmon. kind of Your Fault if you don't agree to that & whoops now Everything is the fault of whoever doesn't agree & cooperate enough :( now look what you've done & brought upon yourself :( & we'll just forget the eruption of violence suppression happened & will happen again & be the overhanging threat all in the meantime