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mindibindi · 1 year

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No Place like Home...? 🌈

So what...Ted Lasso just goldfishes his way into forgetting about his big diverse found family so that he can return to humble, hometown heteronormativity? Look, I get that "be a goldfish" is a cute moment from s1 and an idea that has some (limited) practical value. But isn't it also emblematic of Ted's initial overly positive attitude which ultimately just served to ignore difficult emotions, interactions or situations? This is his big advice to his son and his parting words to his audience? Wasn't the whole point of his time in Richmond and his return to his son to establish and encourage an alternative kind of masculinity? One that expresses, not represses? One that deals with difficulty maturely rather than just avoids it? One that actively and ethically chooses rather than simply doing what's always been done?

Honestly? There was plenty of stuff about the finale that I really liked. Colin's kiss was the best bit. That godawful wedding moment the worst, for many reasons. But I'm unsure how to even read Ted's ending, and not in a oh-gosh-it's-so-rich-and-ambiguous way but in a whaaaa....???-this-is-not-consistent-storytelling-this-is-missing-the-mark-for-me kinda way. When Ted looks at the camera, are we supposed to feel happy for him? Happy that he is happy? Is it a happy ending? Is he happy?? He doesn't look happy. Or sad. Or content. Or much of anything really. He just looks kind of vacant. Which is how he looked most of the episode. The final game (which wasn't even the final game and I suppose they justified not showing it for "creative" reasons, okay, sure, whatever) was the only time he looked engaged, and even then it wasn't fully. Most of the time, he did look like a gaping goldfish with a 6-second memory.

When it was time to say goodbye to everyone, there was no sense of nostalgia for the past 3 years and no sense of those relationships continuing. There were no promises or assurances of visits or skypes or calls. Phones, planes and the internet suddenly ceased to exist (when they'd served him and Henry quite well up until then). While the corniest song choice ever played (yes! we get it! the sacred struggle of fatherhood! GAAAHH), one family was sacrificed for another because both couldn't possibly co-exist. Two things at once makes brain hurty. After all the good work they did around dismantling traditional models of masculinity, in the end they reinforced a version of masculinity which centred supposedly noble self-sacrifice rather than ethical self-actualisation, regression over growth and singularity over plurality.

Sure, it bookends the series poignantly, if predictably. And truth is, Ted leaving Henry was baked into the premise of the show from ep 1. It's actually a pretty big emotional leap to take with a character but, as the audience, we made that leap because we understood that this extraordinary move away from his son was necessary for adventure, narrative and growth to occur. In real life, this move would've been highly questionable (esp for a female parent). But we are in a fictional reality here so we are bound as well as freed by the rules of genre, character and narrative. Without Ted leaving Henry, there is no story. We also understand that Ted's adventures will ultimately benefit Henry, who gets a dad who is fully engaged, professionally challenged and supported by a community of like-minded peeps who think he's super cool. By sending Ted back (or at least sending him back in this way), it implies that there is no more story to tell, Ted's story is over, his growth is done. It robs him of further growth and adventure, robs his son of a happy and fulfilled dad and robs the audience of imagining future failures and glories all shared by an indefatigable Richmond FC.

The whole point of this show was to show Ted building a new life, home and family after the disintegration of his marriage. This marriage did not provide the space or opportunity for him to heal childhood wounds or expand as a man. He was a small man, living a small, limited, conventional life. Which would be okay, if he wasn't suffocating in the process. He needed to find a bigger pond. It's possible that Ted's panic attacks were not a sign that Richmond was unhealthy or overwhelming for him. It's possible that there, he could breathe for the first time in years, he had the time and space to feel his feelings, pay attention to his past pain, move up and out and onward. Are we supposed to believe after that 3 years away and maybe 1 of therapy that that's it? He's done now, all healed, squared away? What exactly has changed in Kansas to assure us that he will be any happier there than he was prior? Henry was there then too. Little has changed with Michelle. His mum delivered some food and guilt then left. The show hasn't spent enough time in Kansas to assure us of Ted's happiness or continued growth. Literally, all we know is Henry is there. And BBQ sauce. (And Michelle's boyfriend has turned into a dick suddenly, conveniently).

What we do know well is what Ted is leaving behind. A rich and challenging world, wacky and wonderful experiences with a diverse community, a loved and actively loving chosen family. So are we supposed to read this ending like "The Wizard of Oz" which has the most disingenuous final line in movie history? Yes, Oz has some dangerous territories and menacing figures (represented by Rupert etc). But Oz is also where Dorothy's friends, her found family are. Oz is in bright technicolour. It's surprising and bizarre and bright. It's larger than life and full of weird characters and unexpected episodes. Oz is where we all want to be, to live, to stay. Richmond is Ted's real life Oz. It's where we want to be and want him to stay, even if only in our imaginations. In the finale he says: "There's no place like home but there's no place like Richmond either" (or something similar, only watched it once). This implies that Richmond is not his home, that homes are just where you come from. Homes are not found or created or collaborated on together. They aren't malleable, moveable. They aren't out there in the wild, potential beyond. They are behind us always, defining us by our often sad pasts.

Again, this idea is entirely contrary to the premise of the show and the progress of its characters who banded together under Ted's leadership to create a home, a family, a community. Unlike Ted's small, conventional family unit, his found family is queer-coded (as all found families are, since they suggest an alternative to traditional nuclear family units based on shared biology but not necessarily values). Logical families are the family you find after you have been ejected from the traditional biological family unit. They are sought and created, based on common interests and mutual support. They are made up of people who are likewise separated from their homes, due to distance, circumstance, fracture, whatever. The home world is displaced, but it is still home (and all the more precious for it). In this case, the queer-coded found family of TL includes and celebrates LGBT+ folk (took a while for them to get there but eventually they did), women, people of colour and any man choosing to do masculinity his way. This is the environment the show set up. This the environment the creators invited us into. This is the environment Ted left behind.

Now, I do think there could have been a way for Ted to return to Kansas and Henry (but not Michelle) that would have been consistent with and faithful to this initial set-up and its themes. But that isn't what we got. Like Dorothy waking up to a dingy black and white world where there's nothing to do but talk to your dog about all the adventures you long to have over the rainbow, Ted's Kansas looks grey and dull and muddy. And Ted looks like he only half-remembers the most vivid and important things he's ever seen and done. "Be a goldfish" is a useful idiom for dropping baggage that weighs you down. If you burn your tongue on your coffee but don't wanna be irritated all day, then it works. It doesn't work for a scenario in which you need to deal with the reality that you and your co-parent/ex have carved out very different life paths. Simple, wilful ignorance is not a solution to the sort of complex family circumstances that grown adults face every day. Just forgetting the past 3 years and moving on like nothing ever happened does not in any way guarantee Ted's happiness or his success as a father. Attempting to find fulfillment through that one! special! person!! is unlikely to end well. Whether it's a parent, partner or child, the burden on them is unfair.

Ted's predicament is a huge one but it's also one that has been there from the very beginning. They had 3 years and 30+ episodes to resolve it satisfactorily, using all of the freedoms that fictional realities can afford. And yet, when Rebecca brings up the various ways in which she is willing to adjust to Ted's fatherhood, these suggestions are made to sound ridiculous, impossible and totally futile. But are they? Are they anymore outlandish than any of the other highly optimistic plot points they've gleefully included? Ted flourishes personally and professionally in this milieu. And had they made a move earlier in the series, Henry could also have integrated into it and benefited greatly from it. (He clearly enjoys the club when he's there). As Rebecca implies, Ted has the opportunity to offer Henry a richer, wider and more diverse view of the world than he would otherwise have. He would have access to a queer-coded community that includes and celebrates, experiments and strives. He would see his dad loved, celebrated and supported. This show takes some BIG optimistic swings. If audiences were able to make the emotional leap of accepting Ted leaving his son in ep 1, then they can probably be trusted to make the leap of him staying, esp. if the writers took the time each season to establish how they will manage their relationship and the benefits each will glean from such an arrangement.

After all, Ted is not one to back down from a challenge. Taking the job at Richmond was a bold and brave move. This is the same man who pledged to "win the whole fucking thing". This is the same man who looked Rupert Manion in the eye then promptly whipped him at darts. But when it comes to distance co-parenting, he's not even open to suggestions? No "I appreciate you" for the boss/bestie, just oh-so-sage resignation? Please. These writers set up this predicament then refused to resolve it in a satisfactory way. Instead, they reduced Richmond FC to a dream and Ted to a memory-challenged goldfish who flails about when faced with the reality of a pre-existing predicament of his own creation. He rejects the help of others who could actually provide real-world solutions. Nor does he seem to register the possibility of a mature relationship with a woman who wants him and connects with him. Instead, he chooses to forget, keep swimming, paddle backwards -- not onward, not forward. He has a big pool, a new home, a found family that represents human complexity and plurality. But he chooses the small, simple and singular. A traditional three-part family unit that was supposed to make him happy but never did. He had his little holiday jaunt in technicolour land, a fun lil detour into an expansive rainbow family community. He came in, tinkered about with some people's problems: gave a middle-aged woman confidence here, supported a sad gay there. But rainbow families are not just a temporary playground for white cishet dudes with a saviour complex to get their own admirable values reflected back to them. In the end, Ted's found family had something absolutely vital to teach him that he did not stick around long enough to learn.

#ted lasso #ted lasso finale #ted lasso tv #ted lasso season 3 #spoilers #jason sudeikis #brendan hunt et al #ted should have stayed #ted x rebecca #btw this is airing during pride week/month while some parents are trying to keep their kids from learning about the big bright queer world

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nightly-flame · 2 years

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what religion do you practice? I am interested. This is lowkey a tmi but I got molested by my Christian church pastor and I’m tired of the church. I need advice on how to find what to do.

I’m a luciferian demonolater. As a luciferian, I seek illumination, empowerment, truth, freedom, wisdom, healing, and self-love. As a demonolater, I seek out the mentorship of demons (and deities) to help me along my journey of becoming my best self. I study and practice mediumship, tarot, spirit work, energy work, magic, demonology, and occultism.

Since I mentioned I'm a demonolater, I should probably explain the true nature of demons. Demons are not evil spirits that want to drag all souls to Hell. They are wise and ancient mentors that are greatly misunderstood because of the lies that have spread about them over the many years. They despise and punish corruption, rather than promote it. They do not encourage the harming of innocents. Anyone who has said demons told them to do immoral and horrible things are actually communicating with malicious spirits pretending to be demons.

I’m so sorry that happened to you. No need to feel like you are sharing too much. You are doing a good thing for your soul by acknowledging what happened and sharing your experience, rather than bottling it inside.

As for finding a new spiritual path, follow what you are drawn to most. Discover what your soul deeply craves and don’t allow Christian teachings to shame you. Explore and do research on different spiritual paths and don’t be afraid to incorporate different elements from each belief system to pave your own personal path.

I recommend trying to connect with your higher self before committing to a path/religion/practice. Our higher self is our awakened and true self at our soul’s core. They can give us clarity on anything in life and can help guide us. They can certainly help you to discover what spiritual path is best for you. Meditation is one way we can connect with our higher self.

If you'd like to work with spiritual beings, the main ones people work with are ancestors, spirit guides, angels, demons, and deities. For beginners in spirit work, I recommend trying to connect with your ancestors and spirit guides before any other spirits.

If you wish to work with the true God (not the imposter god Jehovah that Christianity worships), Source and Queen of Heaven would be your option. Source is the masculine half of the Supreme God and Queen of Heaven is the feminine half of the Supreme God. The Supreme God was here before anything else came into existence and they are the one who began creation.

Always be careful when working with spirits because there are imposter spirits that like to pretend to be the spirits people work with, including well known ones.

As someone who was raised Catholic and was once a devout Christian Baptist, I am very happy to have freed myself from the religion. It was not easy for me to break free and I am still working on healing some religious trauma to this day, but it was worth it to achieve my freedom. I am now able to step more into my true self and work towards my spiritual evolution.

If there are any other questions you have or anything you want clarified, don't be afraid to ask and I’ll answer to the best of my ability 💜

#luciferian #demonolatry #spiritual path #tw molestation

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gpsoftun · 3 years

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And now, for a rant years in the making....

The longest thing I've ever written began because X-Men First Class was such a well-acted breath of fresh air. The dynamic between Charles, Raven, and Erik really captivated and inspired me. Enough to create an ongoing series that has had more good years than bad.

Unfortunately, starting with Days of Future Past, FC's legacy was sacrificed to the creatively bankrupt egos of the very production team that ruined the X-Men film series in the first place. This, along with the misandry/racism disguised as empowerment/diversity plaguing modern media, torpedoed what could have been an amazing series. James McAvoy pulled off the impossible by cementing himself as an iconic Charles Xavier on par with Patrick Stewart. After years of Ian McKellen's hammy one-dimensional villainy, the God's gift to acting that is Michael Fassbender emerged as the definitive Erik Lehnsherr. In Jennifer Lawrence's casting as Raven, the producers took an asinine, fanfic-esque concept like making Mystique Charles' adopted little sister and pulled it off so unbelievably beautifully. Despite their limited screentime, Alex, Hank, and Sean displayed more personality and likeability than any depiction of Jean and Storm across multiple films. However, moronic Brian Singer and Simon Kinberg could not wait to destroy all of FC's good will for their own agendas.

James McAvoy portrayed Charles as spirited and slightly mischievous yet highly intelligent, altruistic, nurturing, and self-sacrificing. Then the sequels tried in forced desperation to paint him as an overbearing, elitist misogynist and the one responsible for Raven and Jean's destructive abuse of power. Even though all he did was give them a home, make difficult choices in order to protect them and others, and brought both of them onto his team due to his personal relationships and trust in them. Because women are so strong and capable except when it comes to taking responsibility for their horrible choices. No, human flaws are strictly of the Y chromosome. Charles has been abandoned his entire life, received no real support, had his body and mind mangled because of his 'best friend', yet puts everyone before himself and always forgives the undeserving. Still, the producers and equally idiotic fandom reduces him to a spoiled white male with no concept of pain or hardship.

Through extensive research and dedication, Michael Fassbender put more into portraying Erik than, quite possibly, any actor taking on a comic book role. Erik is so worldly intelligent, handsome, sauve, and masculine to alpha levels, but with a pained vulnerability about him. FC is the ONLY film to paint him in this light. According to the sequels, Erik completely abandoned the friend/brother he crippled, couldn't hold his own team together for even a year, got captured by regular humans- the strategic nazi hunter got captured by REGULAR humans for ten years, betrayed his friends who freed him at the first opportunity, took no responsibility for the unforgivable things he did to Charles, abandoned his pregnant lover, almost ruined the lives of mutants everywhere by attempting a terrorist attack on TV, then ran off with his tail between his legs once thwarted. And that was only DoFP. In the next movies, he gave up his mutant identity completely, married a regular woman two seconds after declaring war on regular humans, was a pitiful excuse for a father who couldn't train his ONE mutant child to control her powers, got his family killed by his own past actions, then went on a murder spree with a lunatic that resulted in Charles' torture, Alex's death, and the destruction of the school- with the students being saved only by Peter's coincidental presence. I'm not even going to talk about that stupid phoenix movie. My blood pressure is already to the ceiling. No wonder Michael Fassbender grew to hate his character.

Speaking of hating their own character, even Jennifer Lawrence doesn't like how the warm, familial relationship between Raven and Charles deteriorated into something so cold and bitter. Raven abandoning her devoted brother is not only never properly addressed but the sequels want to pretend like it's Charles' fault they're estranged. Raven spends their every scene being a hostile, rude ingrate towards him right up until she's killed by that monotone wet rag they call Jean. Charles is willing to sacrifice his own life multiple times for Raven but she shows more regard for her attempted murderer Erik. So, I suppose the feminist message is that a protective, peace seeking, reasonable man is too controlling and toxic but a violent, unhinged, homicidal man is worthy to be praised. That phoenix movie sure thought so, considering they completely demolished Hank McCoy.

These movies also have no care or concern for life itself. The hellfire club slaughtered an entire facility full of people and killed Darwin yet Erik and Raven jumped to join them. Then, we're supposed to care that those monsters are dead by DoFP. Meanwhile, Sean and Alex's deaths are glossed over but Raven's is supposed to be tragic and meaningful.

That brings up yet another problem with this cursed series. Mutation is supposed to be an allegory for various prosecuted groups. The producers really wanted the live action mutants to be lgbt stand-ins. I can't even begin with how insulting that is. So, Magneto's the face of the gays, huh? Meaning if other people do anything but pledge absolute loyalty to that lifestyle, gays will react with violence and destruction, willing to kill anyone- even their own-, who gets in their way. Also, those who believe the lgbt lifestyle will lead to inevitable chaos are proven right by X-Men execs. Mutants have caused massacres of government officials, killed their own family members during uncontrolled rages, and nearly doomed the planet too many times to count. This is what gays relate to? This?! This infantilized depiction as sadistic megalomaniacs?!

Overall, FC- as engaging as it was- is a mere anomaly in the grand scheme of the X-Movies. A dour, joyless, soulless catastrophe of unforgivable discontinuity, underdeveloped characters, multiple horrid actors, outrageous missed opportunities, and nonexistence ethics with a transparent, hypocritical agenda.

I started my fic in 2011 as a way of addressing the growing racial upheaval going on in the US at the time. Ten years later and things are infinitely worse than anything I could have predicted back then. There are no intelligent conversations to be had nor heroes to look up to. The entire entertainment industry has become a battleground for the war of identity politics. Not even just fandoms arguing amongst themselves but also Hollywood creators taking the time to be aggressively insulting and dismissive of their own fans. The flames of hatred are being fanned and everyone seems so blind to it.

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fardiorin · 2 years

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Richard v. Esteem

So, I think I’m going to explode.

I’ve never felt this kind of surge of thoughts like this before, and they’re so intense that containing them inside my ridiculously shaped head wouldn’t be possible anymore. I need to talk to someone to let them all out, at least to subside them so that I wouldn’t do the unthinkables. However, I don’t really think that telling them would make them understand me, or they could frustrate me more so that’s why I’m writing this. I don’t know whether I’m going to be successful in organizing my thoughts and feelings because they’re like an ocean of chaos at the dawn of time. Nonetheless, I must try to numb these before they get worse.

I recently explicitly came out in Instagram about my gender identity of not having any. Some gave a mildly positive reactions, undying supports, or relatively silent thoughts. I was free, to a certain extent, that I didn’t have to use Spanish or Norwegian to conceal the true meaning of my coming out letter (as I knew for a fact that they wouldn’t lift a single finger of tapping translation button nor read the entirety of my lame emotions). My coming out isn’t exactly the main point of this storm of dysphoria that I have right now, it’s just that it provides a background as to why I would feel like this. So yeah, I’m agender and that’s a big part of my identity right now. For some people, their sexual/romantic attraction might be their most defining features of themselves, but for me, my genderless-ness is what makes me, well, me. However, it adds to an extremely painful layers to my attraction because at some degree, they’re very closely intertwined. I’m freed by letting my gender identity runs wild in the world, yet at the same time I’m being tortured by my attraction and the influence it has on my self-esteem.

It goes like this: I am attracted to biological males (as they outnumber and are more present than transmasculine individuals), or in a lay term, gay. As I have written before, I’m not a male so technically, I can’t be gay. You understand it and it’s really not that hard to wrap your head around. I like the masculinity that biological males exude, and femininity to balance it out because admit it, hypermasculine males are disgusting. I am certain about this since probably I was a toddler, so my attraction hasn’t ever really changed but it develops with time. My attraction for them for the longest time has been only that, an attraction without connection. There haven’t been any times when I feel redamancy, reciprocity, or any approach from any guys at all throughout my adolescence up until my turning position to young adult. I wouldn’t call myself pathetic in this context, but from outsiders’ perspective it really is strange. Even when some people do not end up together officially, anyone has had really someone that is attracted to them back, gay or straight or queer. Speaking about gays, not one single gay I’ve encountered is still a virgin, mentally or physically; either they have had an ex before even in high school, they have had sex, or they’re currently in a relationship.

As you might grasp, this really destroys my self-esteem and eventually my self-worth and self-concept. It makes me hyperconscious about my own self about the things I must be lacking in for me to never be “appreciated” by anyone truly. I have never felt wanted enough throughout my years of growing up, and it doesn’t have to be romantically even if it really comes down to it. I have been truly wondering whether my friends see something special or worth liking/loving in me. If my friends can’t stay long enough with me, it sure is a sign and affirmation that I indeed don’t have anything of value within myself. Also, if my friends wouldn’t stay with me, then what are the chances that someone out there see something more in me? These are the leading up moments where my self-esteem hasn’t exactly ever been good, and it gets ridiculously low and stops existing altogether from then on.

Back to what I was saying. I like guys, and I’m not technically gay nor can I love or be attracted to women completely (romantically or sexually). The most excruciating realization is that I can’t ever have guys who are gay attracted to me because I’m not exactly male, even when at some point I’d hoped that my biological sex will help with that. Gays everywhere, especially what I have seen on social media (don’t you dare say or think that social media is not real, it’s very much real), really have the best dices to play. They are insanely attractive or successfully making themselves to be with their glistening blemish-free skin, toned torso, stern limbs, and traditionally pleasing-to-look-at face. On top of winning the genetic lottery, they have all the resources available in this world (money, time, power, and energy) to:

go to the gym to further assert and define their attractiveness;

purchase ludicrously skin, hair, and body products to maintain their beauty;

hang out at bougie places every time so that they can encounter each other in a classy way;

listen to every female popstar albums without the repercussion of being called a sissy;

watch every movie on Netflix due to having all the time in the world;

maintain their hobby, just because they are able to;

savor every expensive or latest meal and snack to prevent them from FOMO and post it momentarily on their socials;

travel to any destinations without worry in a glance to temporally escape with their partners;

or, you could check their Twitter or Instagram accounts for further elaborations and examples (which are far detailed).

They are very much conforming to the societal (or to some extent, homosexual) expectations of what being a masculine male must be, and they do it without any experience of existential dysphoria. And dumbly, I find every single one of them very attractive every single day even when they don’t necessarily check all the boxes of facts I just spitted. As expected, they are appealing to each other, and they at least have one less burden of thoughts running in their psyche. I am nothing like any of the factual statements I said. My gender expressions—or lack thereof—are none of the points above. Now I’m not going to have a self-pity party running by telling you how I’m not good looking, underweight, poor, etc.; but for me as an agender, I can’t and don’t have to do or be any of those. As a consequence, I’m next to impossible to be attracted by guys of whom I have been feeling attractions toward.

To put it simply, gay guys only like other guys (straight or gay, but that’s a whole different debate) and they don’t want anything to do with me, even though they’re the ones whom I realistically can be with at present. You can say that there are pan guys out there, but this is what I feel right now. Feeling unattractive to anyone regardless of your attraction definitely destroys your self-esteem. However, this situation alone could not contribute to the destruction of my self-esteem and self-concept; but, knowing that either way I can’t also have boy-friends due to my gender identity is the one that really tears my very existence apart. Some straight guys really avoid befriend any guys (or people, like me for example) who aren’t masculine enough, and gay guys don’t see me as someone who can form deep affections with (as previously written reasons). One impetus stands out from the rest, and that is my newest friend whom we can call Richard.

Richard conforms to basically everything I said before, so deductively, he’s perfect in my eyes. He is the very first and real literal description of a boy who checks all the boxes and I’m friends with. Previously when Richard didn’t enter my life, I have been at thorough peace of my gender identity and attraction by knowing that though said boys are real, they’re still a fantasy to me because I know they would never enter my life, not with the social class and circles I am in and own currently. I don’t have any romantic attractions towards Richard at all, but I am insanely platonically like him. I want him to be my friend, to be one of my closest and the one that could support me through my last years of college. But, every time I’m around him or checking his socials, my insecurities really don’t want my self-esteem to survive. I am feeling completely inadequate and failing whenever I see him in all of his glory, which to be honest means he is simply existing (I know it’s desperate, but moving on). He reminds me of everything I am not, and why I will never be attractive enough. He can get any guys that he likes if he wants to, and that frustrates me. Perhaps I can say that I’m a bit jealous because at the end of the day, he’ll ditch me for whatever guys he’ll eventually encounter as he probably wouldn’t care to create a deep and lasting platonic bond with me. Sometimes I’m silently shrieking, “he deserves to be with him; not me,” of which him refers to yet another perfect (in a common term: average) guy that essentially possess the same total conformity as Richard. I know it all sounds that I’m lacking self-respect and self-awareness, which I probably am, by not leaving Richard soon and return to my girlfriends but deep within the abyss of my heart, I can’t compensate the complete lack of philia of boys from girls. I really, really, really don’t want to lose Richard as he's too precious for me but with the current state of being I’m in, I don’t know if picturing Richard and I together in one frame for our graduation is possible.

All these situations remind me of why I chose to be a nurse in the first place. I innocently and foolishly thought that the service I’d endlessly perform, the length I’d do, the million miles I’d go, and the ocean of tears I’d shed for people would make people be attracted to me or at least make them stay with me, even for a while. I would totally devote my soul and body to someone by caring for them throughout their lifespan, but none has been evident enough for me to feel like my love and affection is returned in any shape or form. Right now, I’d wake at 3 am in the morning to make a meal for Richard but I’d know better that he would simply respond with a nice thank you (it’s sincere as well, but that’s pretty much it). I know that nurses are supposed to be selfless, unlike me who from what I write am essentially selfish. Is it selfish when I just want some people to have a place in their mind for me after everything I’d done for them? Is it selfish that I just want them to at least notice how much they are at the receiving end from me with all the soul I poured for them to be happy? This act of service and nursing are the only ones I’m holding on to for me to feel adequate and attractive, though they have done nothing to prevent my self-esteem from being nonexistent which has been tormenting me for years now.

In summary, it feels like I’m just a whiny immature child who can’t control an aspect of their life. Maybe that’s it, I don’t have the ability to control it and that’s why all these things are happening to me. I must lay my feelings out for me to breathe easily, at least. I have no absolute clue as to what I should I do to reclaim my self-esteem and self-worth and balance my gender identity and attraction. Some would say that I should continue to slay like I usually do without having to worry about boys, but when Richard is real and next to me, I can’t slay as hard as I used to. I wouldn’t call Richard the problem here, but he has awakened something (a catastrophic dysphoria, to say the least) that eventually might arise later in the future when I’m stepping into the real world after college even when it’s already as hyperrealistic as it can be. I just wish that someone could hold me so tight that all my broken pieces will get whole again, and so I don’t have to pay any mind to impress and attract any other person more out there.

And to Richard if you’re ever reading this, to you I say, “thank you for breaking me in order for me to ponder the ways I could repair myself everlastingly.”

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joshslater · 4 years

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Roped in

Similar stories and bonus material on my Patreon.

"So, when is your roommate back?" he asked, while I was unlocking the door. I couldn't believe how lucky I scored. He was tall, cute, yet masculine with just the perfect amount of muscle, and acted very much like a top. We hadn't discussed that part though, I just realized. "It won't be until tomorrow. Eight I think, unless there is a delay. We got plenty of time." Steven would take the morning train back, so there was no one to disturb us. Not that he has ever complained, but I prefer to do my fucking when he is visiting back at his mother, to not make things awkward. "Could be tight," he said with a smile and squeezed my butt as I entered the apartment.

I realized the apartment was a mess, but nothing I could do about it now. My plan had been to go to the gym, get back, tidy up, get dressed, and then hit the clubs. But luck struck in the locker room when I chatted with someone I hadn't seen there before. Decent looking guy with an amazing body. He asked me what my plans were for the evening, and I told him the general outline of my plan. He then asked what clubs I had in mind. I hesitated a little, before dropping the names of two gay clubs. Then he came on strong, asking if we could skip all that foreplay and just go my place right away. I couldn't agree more, and here we were in my cluttered hallway. We'd just both showered at the gym, but it was before he hit on me. Had I known I would have been more thorough in some areas.

"Would you like to try something out?" he asked. I turned around and saw him closing and locking the front door. "Didn't I already say yes?" I replied. He smiled and grabbed something deep in a pocket of his gym bag. "What about this?" He held up a neatly rolled up thick, black cord. "Ever been thoroughly teased?" I had not.

We cleared some space in the living room and I moved a chair from the kitchen and placed in the middle of the freed area. Lots of security concerns went through my mind. There wasn't much to steal and at most I would be stuck until Steven was back. "Take a seat" he told me. I asked if I should swap clothes for something else, but he told me he liked what he saw. Except for the shoes and the zip top I wore what I left the gym in, crew socks, shorts, tight boxer briefs, and a T-shirt. Not the sexiest in my opinion, but if he liked it what did I care.

I sat down and he began immediately with one of the ropes, finding the middle of it and creating a loop. He then placed it around my ankle and fed the two ends of the rope through the loop, and then continued to work with the double rope. Occasionally he would split them and tie some knots, then using them double again. After securing my ankle he ran the double rope up the chair's leg and secured my leg just below the knee to the chair. Finally he tied my wrist to the back of the chair, behind my back. He quickly did the same on the other side as well, always checking if it was too tight. It was a surprisingly lose fit, while at the same time there was no way I could slip out of it.

Once both arms and legs were tied to the chair he took a step back. "How does that feel?" he asked me. It was exciting for sure, I could feel a boner slowly coming, but it was a little bit frightening too. Perhaps that's what made it exciting, but it was like ten minutes from he asked to tie me up to me being totally incapacitated and it felt like it was going too fast. Perhaps just because this wasn't something I had anticipated or sought out to do. We've passed the point where I could do much about it. "Oh, I know," he said, rummaged in his bag, and pulled out a soccer sock. I wasn't sure I liked where this was going. Perhaps not the thing itself, but by giving up more and more, you end up with no power to stop when it really does cross the line for you. He tied a knot at the middle of the sock, placed the knot in my mouth, and tied the sock at the back of my head. I probably should have told him "no". Now I couldn't tell him anything. My erection was about as hard as it can be within the confines of my tight underwear.

He took a step back and looked me over. "Now, where do you keep your cash?" he said. "Ungh," was I all could say, while straining to break free. He stepped up to me again and put his hand on my head "Relax, I'm joking. This is going to be all about you." He took a third rope out of the bag and started to tie it around my upper body. I already couldn't move with my hands bound to the back of the chair, but this added some rigidity to my upper body. He went across the chest above and below the pecs, and came in from one side of the neck, looped the rope through the rope across, and back up the other side of the neck, forming a V-shape on my front. All of it was tied behind me. It was still pretty loose-fitting.

Then, to my surprise, he grabbed the hem of my shorts and boxer briefs and forcefully pulled them out and forward to my knees. My dick, free at last, shot up like a gear stick. I don't think I've ever seen it so large before. He grabbed it with one hand and made a few strokes and squeezed out a drop of precum to the tip of it. He carefully touched it with his index finger and touched my nose, literally rubbing my nose in it. "Someone is excited to move on. Ok, let's kick it up a notch."

He walked around me and started to massage my neck and shoulders. I had not expected that. It was both odd and incredibly sexy. I could feel a sort of warmth spreading. He moved his hands down my body. I could feel it strain against the ropes as he squeezed my muscles. Wait, why was I straining against the ropes all of a sudden? He stepped in front of me and gave my dick a few more tugs. Did it just become even larger? I was confused about what was happening. I was getting hotter and hotter, and broke out in a sweat. He moved his hands to my nipples and started to pinch them. It was like an explosion of pain and horniness at the same time. I was surprised I didn't blow my load right then. He kept pinching them, and I could see my chest muscles clearly inflating. The criss-cross of ropes made them look comically large, but they are clearly massive regardless and way bigger than a minute ago.

He stepped back again. If not for the sock keeping my mouth muffled and dry I would be panting. I was sweaty, on the edge of orgasm, and I could feel the pulse beating in my body as it strained against the ropes. "There, I hope you like muscles. Why else would you go to the gym?" He starts to collect his stuff and I realize he is about to leave me. "Unnn," I plead with him. "Yeah, I hear you. I can only imagine how maddening it would be to be out of your mind horny for half a day. I think the silver lining for you is when your roommate is back, you'd so soaked the room in pheromones that he won't stay straight for long."

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inkmyname · 3 years

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The Ember Island Players: performing toxic masculinity and narrative complicity in propagating misogyny

Initially I wasn’t going to respond to concerns about Katara’s racist/misogynistic portrayal in the Ember Island Players with anything more than snarky tags, but apparently I can’t keep my mouth shut, so I’m posting my response as a standalone meta about how the writers’ insistence on creating drama for drama’s sake leads them to--in lieu of actual character development--fall back on lazy narrative shortcuts whereby a performance of toxic masculinity against a gendered heternormative background is used to create tension in a romantic relationship, presumably with the goal of keeping the audience invested.

The Ember Island Players is problematic for a lot of reasons, not least of which is the pervasive tone-deaf misogyny, including racialized misogyny, directed at Katara. There’s a lot of meta on this, so I’d like to focus on something different: Aang’s relationship with gender and romantic attachments.

Aang seems so uncharacteristically chagrined the whole episode: “I’m not a woman!” Based on his previous characterization up to this point:

The Fortuneteller. This is the same Aang who makes a necklace for Katara when she loses her mother’s. Observe how he responds to Sokka’s jibe about jewelry-making, which can be seen as a feminine pursuit: Sokka: Great, Aang. Maybe instead of saving the world, you can go into the jewelry-making business. Aang: I don’t see why I can’t do both. Femininity isn’t presented as being mutually exclusive with narrative pursuits like saving the world which have traditionally centered male protagonists (especially if we take the entire canon of anything every written in any genre that’s not specifically, say, something like shoujo or jounen which are directed and young girls and women, the narrative focus on male personalities is overwhelming).

The Warriors of Kyoshi. Oh, and this is the same Aang that dressed up in full Kyoshi gear, kabuki makeup and all, without complaint. Why would he? After all, she was him in a past life. (There’s a whole meta here about gender-critical analysis of kabuki productions where male actors typically assumed female roles and how Avatar both takes inspiration from this real-life kernel and subverts it in Rise of Kyoshi where Kyoshi’s signature look is not only an homage to her parental heritage but also a reimagining of who can inhabit what roles. Her legacy, though imperfect, is also notably feminist, taking face paint worn typically by men IRL and expanding it into war paint for women warriors.) (There’s also great headcanon-adjacent meta here about gender non-conformity and non-binary identities in Avatar. Avatar was not overtly explicit about its feminist or gender-progressive mindset outside of episodes like The Warriors of Kyoshi or The Waterbending Master, but it was still way ahead of its time. If anyone was to be presented or headcanoned in such a way, it would be the Avatar who’s lived a thousand lives, inhabiting a thousand skins and a thousand identities, including gender identities. There’s also cool crossover meta here about the Legend of Korra depicting a female Avatar in Korra with masculine tendencies and visible muscle vs Aang as a male Avatar with a gentler pacifistic spirit and gender nonconforming tendencies.)

The Cave of Two Lovers. Aang wears a freaking flower crown and is generally wholesome and adorable, even leading up to the “let’s kiss lest we die” scene with Katara. He’s not pushy or overly concerned with appearing masculine and it is in fact Katara who suggests the kiss and Aang makes a fool of himself. From the transcript: Katara [Shyly, blushing.] Well, what if we … kissed? Aang [Very surprised.] Us … kissing‌? Katara See? It was a crazy idea. Aang [Dreamily.] Us … kissing … Katara [Fake-jokingly.] Us kissing. What was I thinking? Can you imagine that‌? Aang [Fake-jokingly.] Yeah. [Awkwardly laughs.] I definitely wouldn’t want to kiss you! [Beat.] Katara [Insulted.] Oh, well! I didn’t realize it was such a horrible option. [Angrily.] Sorry I suggested it! Aang [Realizing his mistake.] No, no, I mean … if there was a choice between kissing you and dying … Katara [Disgusted.] Ugh! Aang [Desperately.] What? I’m saying is I would rather kiss you than die - that’s a compliment. Katara [Enraged.] Well, I’m not sure which I’d rather do! [Slams the torch into his hand and storms away.] Aang [Miserably.] What is wrong with me … Aang, sweetie, this is not what you say to a girl you want to kiss, but generally, this is Wholesome™ and narratively, this is Good™. Eventually, they do kiss and that’s perfectly acceptable because there’s a whole conversation beforehand with humorous romantic framing. There’s consent and communication and initiative by the female protagonist. So solid A on the sensitive writing.

General Air Nomad culture. We don’t get a lot of Air Nomad culture in the show (and what little we do get what presented in such a misguided way, especially the whole commitment to forgiveness/pacifism which was handled in such an amateur black-and-white way from a writing perspective in season 3). But I digress. I really, really don’t think that Air Nomads who were so concerned with the spiritual side of bending and general existence had stringent notions of gender and romantic relationships–at the very least, they had very different notions of these issues compared to, say, the Northern Water Tribe. Canonically, even though AN philosophy emphasized detachment, Air Nomads practiced free love. Same-gender romance was freely accepted unlike in the homophobic Earth Kingdom (which even Kyoshi, a bisexual woman, wasn’t able to change) and the militant Fire Nation (Sozin outlawed homosexuality after declaring world war, essentially). And though the temples were gender-segregated, it seems that the burden of raising children fell to the entire community instead of just the women. Both male and female Air Nomads are revered. In the case of the former, Guru Laghima who unlocked the power of flight through achieving complete detachment from the material world. And in the case of the latter, Avatar Yangchen, who has statues everywhere because she came to be revered as a deity not just among Air Nomads but in the physical world in general. Nowhere in Air Nomad philosophy is the concept of gender, romance, love, sexuality, relationships etc. etc. tainted with jealousy and possessiveness (especially towards women) or rigid binary heternormativity.

So this was Aang for the better part of the first half of the series. Not overly concerned with gender roles. Pretty much fumbling his way through his first crush like a lovesick puppy and it’s all very wholesome. Supposedly a classic product of Air Nomad upbringing.

Meanwhile, Aang in EIP:

Checks out Katara’s butt as she’s sitting down.

Gets mad at being portrayed by a woman.

Accuses Katara of being the racialized misogynistic version of herself depicted on stage ([sarcastically]“Yeah, that’s not you at all.”).

Nods in agreement when the misogynistic stage production of Katara presents her as the “Avatar’s girl.”

Unable to differentiate between fiction and reality and puts the onus on Katara to do the emotional labor to justify something she never said (”Katara, did you really mean what you said in there? On stage, when you said I was just like a … brother to you, and you didn’t have feelings for me.”)

Assumes they would just… fall into a relationship… just because he forcibly kissed her at the invasion and again pressures Katara to do the emotional labor to justify why their relationship is not how he wants it (“But it’s true, isn’t it? We kissed at the Invasion, and I thought we were gonna be together. But we’re not.” / “Aang, I don’t know.” / “Why don’t you know?”)

Forces a non-consensual kiss on her even though “I just said I was confused!”

So, there’s so many things wrong with this, most of which are a laundry list of behaviors typical of toxic masculinity:

Ogling

Outdated misogynistic humor (what’s wrong with being a woman?)

Verbal abuse

Offloading emotional labor

Gaslighting

Pressuring a potential romantic partner

Lack of direct communication about romantic desires

Lack of sensitivity

Lack of active listening

Lack of emotional intelligence and empathy

Lack of consent and sexual assault

I could go on and on.

My question is Where and when did he learn these toxic behaviors? What happened to the wholesome boy making necklaces, wearing flower crowns, and generally being adorable in a kid with a first crush kind of way when it comes to romance?

Now, you can argue that EIP players Aang has been through a lot, including being shot by lightning and actually dying, and after the failed invasion, he’s stressed out with the weight of the world on his shoulders and maybe not expressing himself or his desires in the best way and taking out all of his frustrations on Katara.

Except… that is all just conjecture because the actual writing of the show doesn’t put in the hard work and make those connections. Instead, they fall back on misogynistic tropes and toxic heternormative romance tropes and a forced love triangle subtext and they just, to put it politely, fuck it up, two and a half seasons’ worth of work, gone, in the space of one episode. And even if it weren’t conjecture, it would still be wrong of Aang to act the way he did.

Let’s list Aang and Katara’s interaction in relation to each other in season 3:

The Headband. “Don’t worry about them. It’s just you and me right now,” Aang says as he pulls Katara into a dance. I have qualms about the writing of this episode: the creators wasted a golden opportunity to flesh out the Air Nomad genocide because they were too busy playing footloose in a cave, they wrote Katara–the same Katara would said fuck you to Pakku, freed enslaved earthbenders from a Fire Navy prison, and became a spirit goddess ecoterrorist to help a village in an enemy nation–as uncharacteristically shy just so Aang could sweep in and pull her into a dance. But like fine, whatever. It’s cute and really well-chreographed and there’s actually appropriate romantic framing here for once and at the end of the dance, look at Katara’s face–she’s happy! Positive Kataang interaction, and I don’t actually mind it. 7/10.

The Day of Black Sun Pt.1. He forces a kiss on her on the mouth, taking her completely by surprise. A chaste kiss on the cheek and a wistful pining last look and “Be safe” might have been acceptable, but given Katara’s shocked and uncomfortable body language, the kiss on the mouth was not. Worse yet, the show just… forgets… to follow up on it for several episodes and when it’s brought up again, it’s used as a sledgehammer to punish Katara for not magically being with Aang. 0/10.

The Painted Lady. Let’s look at the transcript: Katara [Using a disguised voice.] Well, hello Avatar. I wish I could talk, but I am very busy. Aang Yeah, me too. I hate that. [Looks at Katara’s face from behind the veil.] You know, you’re really pretty, for a spirit. I don’t meet too many spirits, but the ones I do meet, not very attractive. [Looks at Katara suspiciously. Tries to look under the hat.] Katara [Giggles nervously.] Thank you, but- Aang You seem familiar too. Katara A lot of people say that. Aang [Suspicious.] No, you really seem familiar. Katara Look, I really should get going. [Covers her face and runs, but Aang uses his airbending and blasts her hat up into the air, exposing her.] Aang Katara? Katara [Guiltily.] Hi, Aang. Aang [Shocked.] You’re the Painted Lady? [Pointing at Katara.] But how?Katara I wasn’t her at first, I was just trying to help the village. [Takes her hat off.] But since everyone thought that’s who I was anyway, I guess I just kinda became her. [Drops her hat on the ground.] Aang So you’ve been sneaking out at night? Wait, is Appa even sick?Katara He might be sick of the purple berries I’ve been feeding him, but other than that he’s fine! Aang I can’t believe you lied to everyone, so you could help these people. Katara I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have … Aang [Happily.] No, I think it’s great! You’re like a secret hero! Katara Well, if you wanna help, there’s one more thing I have to do. Aang gives her a curious look. Cut to the Fire Nation factory. Aang and Katara run along the river’s edge toward it. Aang looks at the polluted water. Aang You wanna destroy this factory? Katara Yes. Sokka was just kidding, but he was right. Getting rid of this factory is the only way to help these people permanently. He helps her blow up the Fire Nation smelting plant! Yes, he does call her pretty, but more importantly, this is one of the few times he acknowledges her faults (lying, deception, putting the mission at risk to help the enemy nation etc.) and still thinks she’s so fucking cool. He calls her a secret hero! There’s a lot of admiration and support here from Aang. He’s raising up Katara (instead of putting her down as in EIP) not because he sees her as a potential love interest but because he admires her and her compassion! This is great. Solid wholesome Kataang interaction. 10/10. But all good things must come to an end…

The Southern Raiders. I’m not going to spend too much time on this because there’s a million pieces of meta on this episode. He’s completely out of line asking Katara to be forgive her mother’s killer, the source of her greatest trauma as a victim of targeted ethnic cleansing. Given that he’s a victim of ethnic genocide himself, although he personally wasn’t there for it/didn’t actually witness it unlike Katara, he should have understood. He does say “You need to face this man,” which is good and supportive and he should have stopped there, because he continues on to say, “But when you do, please don’t choose revenge. Let your anger out, and then let it go. Forgive him.” Stop. Stop stop stop. No one should tell a traumatized victim of ethnic cleansing how to deal with their trauma. By the end of the episode, Katara doesn’t kill him–but she crafts a third path as the conclusion to her hero’s journey and it is not the path of forgiveness that Aang preaches. Ironically, it is Zuko, who also confronts Ozai, the source of his greatest trauma, who never tells Katara what to do but follows her lead instead: even though he redirects lightning at Ozai and could have killed him, he doesn’t go through with it. He understands Katara and he understands that she needs to this. Kataang interaction rating: 0/10.

So that’s where we are with Aang and Katara in Ember Island Players. Some positive interactions that are appropriately romantically framed and some that are just wholesome and good… but all ruined by forced kissing and moralizing about Katara’s trauma instead of offering understanding. So that still doesn’t answer when Aang would have learned all of the toxic masculine/heternormative behaviors he displayed in The Ember Islands Players.

The only answer, I’m forced to conclude, is bad fucking writing, where the creators were not only tone-deaf in portraying Katara in a racist/misogynistic way or, you know, in writing solely for the male gaze because fuck half the audience, I guess, but they just wanted to create drama for drama’s sake. They completely disrespected their female lead and I would argue they disrespected Aang’s character too in making him a stereotypical self-insert Gary Stu who displays toxic masculine behavior without consequences because that’s what’s expected of a toxic heternormative romantic plot device.

And worse yet, they never follow up on this, just like with the kiss at the Invasion. In the last five minutes of the finale, Katara looks up at him with admiration for saving the world and then kisses him. This is not only a missed opportunity for character development for Aang, but also a big fuck you to the female audience because the message is clear: the guy gets the girl as a trophy for saving the world, and fuck input from the female half of the partnership because that’s just not important and is not worthy of screentime. But I guess screentime dedicated to displaying toxic masculine/heternormative behaviors without ever condemning such behavior as a follow-up is just fine! :)))

If the EIP was supposed to make an argument for Kataang, then it failed. but more important:

By the show’s own high standards, The Ember Island Players is a failed episode, full of bad writing and worse characterization. For a show that was so ahead of its time, this episode is a narrative black mark, a failure of progressive representation and a disservice to its main characters.

There’s some wholesome Sukka and Zuko/Toph interaction, but even that doesn’t manage to save this episode, especially given there’s no resolution to the central conflict: the relationship between Aang and Katara. The entire unnecessarily OOC and forced Kataang drama drags it down.

We know Aang is capable of lifting up Katara and being supportive of her, as he was in episodes prior. We could have had honest, supportive, and open dialogue between Aang and Katara that actually followed up on the Invasion kiss, with Aang clearly expressing what he wants, Katara expressing that maybe she didn’t want that right now, and Aang completely respecting that and them hugging at the end because their friendship/connection is much more profound than pre-teen romance. This is an instance where Aang could have chosen to center Katara’s feelings, for once, instead of his own out of selfless love. If this happened, I would have been okay with a Kataang ending. But that isn’t what we got, obviously.

Part of what appealed to me about Aang as a male protagonist in media aimed at young audiences is that he–at least initially–did not start out as a toxic self-insert Gary Stu lifted from every problematic heternormative romance film ever. In fact, given his playful trickster archetype, general kindness/gentleness, and his stance against violence (a typically masculine trait), he both subverted expectations of and expanded the boundaries of what a male protagonist in children’s media can look like. Unfortunately, the creators don’t go all the way with Aang. In fact, they took a step back with his portrayal in The Ember Island Players, where the creators not only rely on misogynistic tropes to create drama but also make him complicit in propagating said misogyny. And that’s just a damn shame because we could have had a wholesome Kataang storyline and a sensitive male protagonist who cares not about your outdated gender roles and respects his partner’s autonomy!

#atla #aang #katara #kataang #eip #meta #my meta #aang deserved better #katara deserved better #queer #heteronormativity #toxic masculinity #misogyny #feminist criticism #kataang critical #but only in the sense that the writers messed it up #nothing against kataang personally

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stilemawillow · 4 years

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Romantic? More Like NO [Levi | Reader]

Prequel: Fairy Tale NOT Like

"Levi, I really am irritated right now." Hearing her voice from the female showers made him just as irritated because she might’ve been pretty but she had no tact and it was too early for him to get another headache.

"As if I don't fucking know that already. I'm irritated, too." He was leaning on the wall next to the door and leaning slightly to the side would expose her whole body to his eyes but it was a thing he - one, shouldn’t do and two, wasn’t interested in doing. He’d be lucky if Mikasa Ackerman didn’t show up for her early shower because if he were to be seen waiting on a grown-ass unknown woman by the door, he’d quickly go from Humanity’s Strongest Soldier to Humanity’s Biggest Pervert.

"You're not the one having to play a ninja around an army's headquarters." She snapped from the inside.

"Yes, but I'm the one who has to play the stupid ninja’s bodyguard around the headquarters of the army I'm supposed to be second-in-command in." He hissed in return, listening to the slowly decreasing sound of water hitting the floor.

"Just tell me one thing." The warmth was first, then he turned his head and the tip of his nose almost bumped into hers. Pupils dilating in surprise, his orbs followed the droplets rolling over her skin but his corssed arms stood ridig as if glued to his chest. "What am I going to wear now?" Her sweet voice was laced with fake innocence but her lips wore a small smirk. He snorted but kept quiet. "You're not going to give me any of your clothes, are you now?"

The situation was so messed up right now.

After he’d brought her the coffee, Levi had hastened to point out her stink and immediately after force her into the showers, dismissing her concerns on what she’d wear afterwards by telling her he had a plan. He, in actual fact, had not even an inkling of a plan. Every option he could think of was either humiliating, incriminating or straight-up perverted.

If he gave her his clothes and they were seen together, there would be assumptions. Her dress was already with the piles of laundry that would be washed today, stealing somebody else’s clothes was plain ridiculous, asking another female cadet for an outfit would lead to even more assumptions and making her sneak around the HQ in nothing but a towel was a scene out of a book Hanji would write. He considered finding clothes for her on his own but leaving her alone was too risky. And since the showers would start filling up soon, he had no choice but to take her with him.

"You're going to wear something. Follow me and be quiet." He ordered, heading down the hallway and looking around every time a sound erupted from a room. It could’ve been a snore, the shuffle of clothes or a blanket - it didn’t matter because Levi was paranoid. Then his heel made an unstable plank creak in the silent space and he mentally shat himself.

He was supposed to be a soldier, a former thug, flexibe and agile, and strong, but no--- he couldn’t even walk without making the floor creak like it would break. He held back a groan and resumed walking only to feel something pulling him back by the wrist. (Y/N)’s determined expression faced him the moment he turned back. He awaited her words with a thinning patience. They were making progress and she just had to stop him for God knows what.

"You do know that even if people see us together they wouldn't speak, right?" Her question - naive, stupid and anything but reasonable, made him want to facepalm against the wall.

"And how does that help us?” He frowned. They were so close to the staircase. Why did she have to stop and ask stupid questions?

"All I'm saying is you can make anybody who sees us keep their mouth shut.” She reasoned, making his brow twitch in annoyance. His voice, however, managed to stay quiet.

"It's not that easy."

"Because they’d talk about it behind your back?"

"This isn't even a---" His voice grew in volume as his patience ran out but his incoming outburst was quickly cut off by a muffled voice coming from behind the door they were standing next to.

"Armin, did you hear that?"

"Fucking shit." Levi cursed under his breath, exchanging a panicked look with (Y/N). That was Jean Kirstein’s voice. His brain went into overdrive - they couldn’t run up the stairs, couldn’t wait to be caught here either.

He grabbed her wrist and pulled her to the other side of the narrow hallway into the first room he saw, which was seemingly the last one in row. He hastily opened the door, gripping (Y/N) and feeling his heart on its way to burst. He wouldn’t allow to be caught with a half-naked woman by his own squad.

He heard her call his name as the door was shut - she was pressed against the wall, feeling her towel slip. She held her breath and the fabric fell to the floor, except she couldn’t pick it up since one of her hands was captive and the other was the only thing holding her upright and quiet. The raven-haired man was staring at the door but he would look at her sooner or later.

"I think I heard someone." Armin's voice sounded as he exited the room and looked around, three pairs of footsteps following close behind. (Y/N) couldn’t tell Levi not to turn - a whisper could ruin everything. So she’d keep quiet because the raven seeing her naked in the dark was better than them being found.

"Berthold, do you see anyone?" A masculine voice was heard, one that Levi recognised as Reiner Braun's.

"It's too early for this Reiner." Berthold stated quietly, probably trying not to wake the other cadets.

"I bet I heard someone, guys." Jean's voice sounded next and Levi knew he was fucking doomed. Four damn cadets were going to find him in a closet with a half-naked woman - great.

"Maybe the girls were just heading to the shower."

Levi turned around and his eyes widened. He could hear (Y/N) gulp, then he drew a sharp breath and bit back every vocal reaction which came to mind.

"Maybe we can get to see Mikasa today."

Realising that he’d been stopping her from covering herself, the male let go of her wrist and watched her shakily cover her breasts as her free hand began blindly searching for her towel.

"As if. Come on, Jean. If she doesn't kill you, Eren will try."

The cadets’ conversation was white noise to his ears, his eyes couldn’t leave (Y/N)’s body and his ears could only hear his blood rushing around his body at the sight.

"And maybe after that Corporal Levi will end you completely."

He caught the sound of his name but paid no attention to it, fixed on the woman who finally found the towel and attempted to hide herself. Only then did it occur to him his gaze brought her discomfort. He faced the other way quickly, momentarily stunned by his own rudeness.

"Why would the Corporal even care?"

He heard an almost audible sigh come from her lips once she was covered so he turned, watching her hands grip the upper part of the towel as her gaze avoided his eyes at all cost. Her previous confidence was nowhere to be found.

"He is in charge of Eren after all. If Eren ends up getting hurt during the fight, both the Corporal and Mikasa will beat you up. He's obliged to do it, while Mikasa..."

"Is Mikasa."

"Anyways, let's stop talking about this. Do you know the time?"

"We have time before breakfast."

"But the Corporal will punish us if we end up sleeping in."

"I’m with Berthold, let's go for the showers."

"No, we better sleep a little more."

He made a step in her direction, to which she tried to retract and her foot hit something which then dropped to the side with a loud clangour. Fucking bucket. (Y/N) looked at Levi like a deer in headlights and he, despite his stoic persona, related the same panic she did. He cursed under his breath.

"Did you all hear that?" Jean's startled voice reached their ears as they stood motionless as possible in the closet, fearful of doing as much as breathing.

"Is there an intruder?"

"Jean, come on. Who would sneak into the headquarters? They must be crazy or stupid. The Commander would make Corporal kill them or something." Reiner said and (Y/N) eyed Levi.

"Not knowing the Corporal and being stupid are vastly different - one is called being uninformed." Jean argued, much to Reiner’s dismay.

"And the other is called being crazy. Now let's just go to the showers."

(Y/N) was about to stifle a giggle when Levi’s reflexes acted - knowing when something wouldn’t go as planned. His hand covered her mouth and she held in a yelp as her balance was knocked off and her back hit the wall with a thud.

"Okay, I definitely heard that one! Is someone pranking us?" Jean's voice grew in pitch and volume, meaning he was approaching the closet.

"Jean, what’s all the fuss about?" Another voice (Y/N) didn’t recognise joined the conversation, to which she glanced at Levi in confusion, mouth still covered by his cold hand.

"The suicidal bastard was freed from his cell." Jean's mocking remark almost made (Y/N) snort.

"Hanji came to unlock me for showers and breakfast." The other voice responded just when (Y/N) picked up the unmistakable speech of her hyperactive friend. She felt herself tensing alongside Levi.

"Hello, kiddos! What's up?" Hanji greeted, to which Jean had an immediate reply.

"I heard a sound---"

"Jean is being delusional." Reiner cut off, setting the other boy off.

"No, I definitely heard something! Someone is sneaking around!"

"Who do you think is sneaking around the headquarters?" Hanji questioned curiously, clearly doubting the cadet’s accusations.

"I don't know! Probably a cadet who went to town. They do it often." Jean tried to reason with Hanji and the others, but they weren't ready to accept his seemingly delusional point of view yet.

"I know people do that, Jean. I do it to meet up with (Y/N) and the plank in front of Erwin’s office always creaks." The mad scientist complained and Levi made a mental note about Hanji sneaking out. And about the creaky plank. Armin and Eren went on to ask who (Y/N) was, which just prompted Hanji to rant. “An old friend of mine. She's extremely sweet! And such an eye-candy! Levi couldn't get his eyes off her yesterday!"

Levi couldn't get his eyes off her now either, but he wasn't going to let that information become public knowledge. He was sure she’d sensed it too - the sexual tension drowned by the panic and anticipation they felt.

"Corporal couldn't what?" Eren sputtered, almost choking in shock.

"What was Corporal Levi doing with (Y/N) yesterday?" Armin's voice rang, announcing to (Y/N) and Levi the erasure of Hanji’s brain-to-mouth filter.

"Oh, we went to that ball Eren was whining about! It was fun, Levi took (Y/N) as his escort, he had a suit, flowers and everything!" Levi would’ve facepalmed if possible, whereas (Y/N)’s discomfort grew to the point she contemplated giving his handsome face a slap and walking out of the closet. It would ruin only his reputation either way - but that was the problem.

The whole Survey Corps would suffer if their most valuable member was caught breaking the rules. His authority normally prevented people from badmouthing him but even that wouldn’t save him if rumours of him having a lover got out. It was something (Y/N) couldn’t allow - besides being interesting to her, he was also willing to land her a job.

"And what happened then?" The question derailed her train of thought and she was back in the dark closet, painfully pressed against the wall. She tried to change that by moving just a little and that was when the old forgotten bucket came back into play.

"Oh, well, Levi---"

(Y/N) gasped as her mouth was released and her foot slipped on the bucket - then Levi’s fast reflexes saved them a very painful fall by pushing their bodies back against the wall, except it cost them their low profile.

"Okay, that's it! Now everyone heard that one, right?!" Jean's voice echoed as the others shuffled about.

"You weren't lying after all." Hanji’s statement was heard over the shameful admittances of the other cadets confirming they’d finally heard it themselves.

"Is there someone... in that closet?" The words that exited Berthold's mouth made (Y/N)'s eyes fill with fear. Levi’s composure was also slowly starting to leave him.

"You know the only way to understand."

"Rock, paper, scissors - loser opens the door?"

Besides his composure, his self-respect evaporated at his own squad’s stupidity. He felt more humiliated listening to their problem-solving tactics than imagining himself getting caught with a half-naked woman in a closet. A few seconds of silence later, a small sigh left somebody’s lips, to which the duo in the closet exchanged worried glances.

"Armin, go for it." A voice was heard and said blond sighed again before asking:

"Why do I even have to---"

"Just do it." Jean insisted and the others hummed in agreement.

"You won't die."

"On three." Hanji announced.

Armin’s steps approaching the closet were heard. (Y/N) felt her heart was about to burst and Levi could already picture decades of reputation crumbling to the ground. Years of being a cold-hearted ass with a deadpan, years of fear and respect and not an ounce of regret.

"One..."

The woman met his gaze, feeling his fingers twitch in the slighest over her waist. She mouthed a small apology and he shook his head. He wanted to blame her for everything but he couldn’t stoop that low.

"Two..."

Her fingers were digging into his rigid shoulders when he closed his eyes. He didn’t want to look.

"... three!"

There was the opening of a door. Nobody was saying anything---

Thud.

Crash!

Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click.

"Shit! That scared me." Jean's voice was just as muffled. Levi slowly opened his eyes to witness the confusion on (Y/N)’s face in the dark.

"It was just a racoon." At Armin’s statement, both their heads whipped back to look at the closed door with wide eyes.

"Mystery solved. At least Jean hasn't gone delusional yet." Hanji mocked cordially, making said boy give an exclamation of indignation. Everybody else was chuckling and (Y/N) and Levi hadn’t begun getting over their shock.

"Now let's go to the showers."

"Okay, okay."

"I'm going to visit Erwin. See you at breakfast, kiddos!" Hanji was off, her footsteps fading up the stairs.

"How did that racoon even get in there?" The boys discussed, voices dropping.

"I don't have an idea..."

Once their footsteps had faded down the hallway, Levi let go of (Y/N), deciding it was safe for them to go out. He dusted himself off and slowly opened the door.

"That was a close call." (Y/N)'s words made him sigh as they slipped back into the empty hallway. He noticed her voice had a sweet ring to it when she was nervous.

"Tell me about it." He snorted and observed the open door of the other closet, right next to their hiding spot.

"I'm sorry about that." Her apology was mumbled in mild shame as he clicked his tongue.

"I raised my voice. Whatever, let's just go." She followed him up the stairs, noting their luck and making him hum along in agreement - it was something he’d never know had made her knees feel like jelly. To her next question of what they would do now, he had an answer at the ready. "I'm bringing you to my office. We dress you up and send you off to town." There was a pause on her end, then a ‘why’ Levi considered rather stupid. "Because you can't stay here."

"Did you forget why you brought me here yesterday?" Her inquiry made him frown but it was just so it wouldn’t betray his ‘oh shit’ face. "Maybe because I had no home at the time?" She pressed further, making him curse as he turned to face her. “You did forget.” Her blunt statement made him snort, rolling his eyes and deciding to play it cool.

"And what of that?" He asked, annoyed and with his arms crossed.

"Well, it intervenes with your plan. And you promised me a job. I can find myself a place to stay but it won’t happen fast, so I’m sorry for being insolent but I’m going to hold you to your word.” Hands on her hips, she was glaring and he avoided looking anywhere but her eyes. She was right and he knew it.

"Let's just go to my office. Discussing this in the middle of the hallway is no good." He commented with a click of his tongue, watching her lips purse as her eyes narrowed. However, she still complied. They passed Erwin’s office, tactfully avoiding the creaky plank and soundlessly slipping in his office. A sigh left his lips as he locked the door.

"Now. You’ll need a plan." (Y/N)'s serious voice helped him shake off the relief he felt. He rolled his eyes, annoyance brimming. He wanted to avoid thinking of a new plan, and the complications that would surely come with it.

"You still need clothes, so we'll find you some. And after that...” He trailed off, making her eyebrow quirk as she waited for his brain to think of the best course of action. “I suppose I’ve got only one choice.” He concluded with a sigh, leaning back against his desk and contemplating. Rumours could spread but it was the only way to keep his word whilst creating the least misunderstandings. “I have to introduce you to everybody.”

"Ready?"

"Never been, never going to be. Let's just do this." Her statement evoked a snort from him as he suppressed the chuckle at the back of his throat. She seemed more nervous than him and it was amusing to say the least. Still, he held out on giving her advice on how to fix it because something told him she wouldn’t manage either way.

The raven-haired male entered the mess hall and she walked at his side; suddenly there were gazes on them, on the baggy clothes she wore that kind of looked to be his size, and whispers slithering round the room. He ignored everything and approached his squad’s table, sitting down and watching before him his usual cup of tea whilst his squad stared at him in bewilderment.

"Uh, Corporal Levi... who is she?" Eren’s hesitant question made Levi glare at the brunet - he was a tad bit anxious but he needn’t admonish his subordinates verbally because of it.

"I'm a friend of Levi's. (Y/N), nice to meet you all." The woman flashed them a smile and voiced a casual introduction before Levi could even begin to speak. He wouldn’t, however, get angry at her, she seemed to be doing well.

"Corporal, I made your tea, it's a bit cold, but---"

"It's fine, Eren." Levi cut him off, taking a sip from mentioned beverage and sighing. So far so good. He briefly glanced at the superiors’ table where he usually sat, finding his Commander’s insistent gaze on him. He wanted to avoid everybody who knew (Y/N) but an encounter was inevitable so he was only stalling even though he was well aware Hanji had already seen them walk in and had probably informed Erwin and Mike of their presence.

"So, Corporal, how did the ball go yesterday?" Mikasa asked boredly while Eren pouted on her left, disappointed still that he hadn’t been invited. Levi and (Y/N) exchanged an alarmed look but neither gave out their concern. The Corporal looked back at his squad: Jean and Eren were impatient to hear his answer, Mikasa was quiet as per usual, Armin was silently observing, Connie and Sasha were gorging on their food and Ymir and Christa were whispering of other topics.

"Not that it's your business but it was shitty. Eren, you can stop whining about not getting invited, it wasn’t worth it either way." The raven took a sip from his cup, watching the four reactions his words caused. Eren’s face dropped as he dismissed his frustration on the matter, Mikasa visibly became suspicious and Armin’s gaze grew uneasy due to the fact he might’ve already pieced everything together and, finally, (Y/N) snorted with laughter and coughed to cover it up. “What seems to be so funny?” Levi faced her with a scowl.

“That was a complete lie, sir. You almost got drunk, you watched an eating contest and you were hit on multiple times by gorgeous noble ladies. I'm afraid you liked your night out. " (Y/N) explained with a smirk, making Jean and Eren gape as Mikasa and Armin's eyebrows raised to the tops of their foreheads. He glared at (Y/N), noting how she’d omitted to mention herself during the story she told - it was something that ticked him off. And he had no idea why.

"Not like you're one to talk - you did get drunk, you fainted, you danced terribly and about half the males in the hall were undressing you with their eyes." He retorted and she looked at him, visibly surprised, while his subordinates curiously observed their exchange.

"Was that a subtle compliment or just a horrible attempt at an insult?" She asked with a terribly attractive smirk, which wasn't good for his moody insides as of lately. His stomach did loops at random ever since he met her, his heart would sometimes skip a beat and his skin would get irritatingly itchy when she touched him. He couldn’t go on to think normally, an image of her smile always had to interrupt him and it was fucking annoying - this whole thing.

"Neither - it's summing up your night there." He clicked his tongue and watched her smile - exactly the thing he didn’t need after the kind of inner monologue he had.

"Whatever it is, I don't mind it. Although I must thank you for making my night so nice." She added at the end, making his eyes narrow. (Y/N) bit her bottom lip to stop herself from grinning, but it was inevitable and the fact she tried to hide it put Levi at a loss for words. Staring at her face and her eyes there was hardly anything for him to think besides:

Fuck, I think I want to kiss this woman right now. His eyes widened at the notion and his rational mind slapped him so hard he suppressed the urge to turn his head to the side in reality. Instead, he only shook it and cursed himself multiple times while sipping on his tea.

"I've done nothing deserving of your gratitude." Levi mumbled in a cold voice once having calmed down while (Y/N) only smiled at him, this time without saying anything.

He wondered whether he’d actually taken a liking to a woman he met just the night before. He knew nothing of her yet he couldn’t simply ignore her like he usually would - he wanted to learn a bit more. He didn’t think himself a naive fool as to let her influence him to this extent - but then again she couldn’t be a witch either. Had it been any other woman, things would’ve been different - and then it clicked. Things were like this because it was her, because she affected him and because she interfered with how he usually thought and acted. He didn’t know why but one thing was clear and it was something he’d never admit to himself, Hanji, (Y/N), Erwin or anybody else. He’d die before saying it out loud.

"Corporal is everything alright?" Jean Kirstein's voice snapped him out of his thoughts and softened his expression. Levi looked up with a sigh.

"I have something to do." Groaning inwardly, he pushed himself off the bench and stood up, meeting (Y/N)’s worried gaze and hastening to ease her concern. "You stay here and chat with them or whatever. I'll be back." He headed towards Hanji, Erwin and Mike. Before doing anything else, he had to distance himself from (Y/N) and cease all contact with her after his part of the deal was done. For that to happen, he had to talk to his Commander. He’d promised her a job and, under the man who’d loved her or not, he’d get it for her.

"You're in." He stated coldly with crossed arms.

"I am?" She was literally beaming.

"I already said it, idiot. Are you fucking deaf?" He snapped but her grin was still and so was her posture.

"This is great! Now I get to spend time with my friends, I have a job and a home. Thank you so much.” (Y/N) piped excitedly and he only snorted.

"Anyway, until we find a free room for you you’ll be sharing with somebody.” He stated absentmindedly, feeling just a bit ticked off on this particular topic. Not that he had a reason to feel irritation because he’d known her for a day and she didn’t mean anything to him. That was how things should’ve been.

"Hanji?" (Y/N) guessed as she took a seat in the chair in front of his desk and he looked at the papers before him, pretending to read and trying his hardest not to pay attention to her. He reasoned why she wouldn’t be staying with Hanji and she went on to ask if it would be him she’d share a room with. He almost let out a snort and answered her question with a cold ‘no’. “Then who?” She pressed curiously, making him grit his teeth. He didn’t understand what he was so angry with. Maybe himself.

"Erwin."

"You're kidding me." She blurted out, to which he glared at her. She didn't seem overjoyed by the fact she was about to spend an unknown period of time with the handsome, tall and successful man that had feelings for her, instead she looked confused.

"Do I look like I enjoy joking around?" His questioned was a hiss and his eyes were cold and unforgiving. Her brows twitched.

"But Erwin’s the Commander, it’ll be troublesome for me to stay with him." (Y/N) reasoned, (e/c) hues gleaming as she spoke.

"He volunteered to take you in. Guess his feelings aren’t entirely gone." Levi commented after giving a spiteful click of the tongue, making (Y/N)'s eyes narrow at his visage.

"And how do you feel about that?" She inquired curiously, almost as if seeking confirmation on a topic she knew the answer to. The question ticked him off.

"What does that have to do with me?" He was playing unemotional and oblivious - he knew it had a little if not a lot to do with him but he refused to admit it. She shrugged, stating she’d just asked, and, without thinking at all, he got ahead of himself. "It doesn't make me feel anything. Did you expect me to argue with my Commander over you? Assert myself as the person who shelters you? If anything, I feel relieved to finally get you off my case. Whatever fantasies you might be harbouring, the reality is that I escorted you to a ball because I needed somebody and now you may go next door to let Erwin instruct you on your job."

Levi's scowl may have been terribly scary, but on the inside, he was on the verge of hitting himself because of how unreasonably rude he was being to a woman he thought he felt something for. (Y/N)'s reaction wasn't one of shock, nor one of heartbreak - it was one of deep indifference. And indifference was a mask he used all too often to let himself be fooled by it. She was offended and hurt as she stood up and headed to the door, then, with her hand on the doorknob, she turned her eyes to him.

"Just for the record - I expected nothing from you and I harbour no fantasies, you're right when you say Erwin still has feelings for me, but you're wrong when you say you’re impartial. Even if you don't like me, I have to say I took quite the liking to you." He could almost hear how her voice broke at the last word. "I’m just sorry I won’t have the chance to say it to your face as a woman instead of a stupid peasant."

The door closed after her, leaving behind the voice which had betrayed her upon the word ‘peasant’. If he’d known more about her, he would’ve realised how it hurt her to say it because that’s what she’d been her whole life - a faceless nameless stupid peasant. But he didn’t know. He leaned back in his chair after realising he’d tensed with the intention to stand and go after her. Shoulders slumping, he groaned and closed his eyes at the thought of having made her cry. He was getting a headache.

"A lovers quarrel a day after your first meeting. Fucking way to go." He praised himself mockingly and wished to endure the worst headache in existence if it would give him the chance to fix this situation. It was an unrealistic wish but he wanted it nonetheless. He tried beating it into his head that he’d known her for a day but he wanted to see her smile again and it was a pity he probably never would.

He started this conversation so angry and ended it so regretful that it was a pitiful thing to watch.

"Is this your way of saying 'sorry'?" She asked with disbelief as he looked at her with pleading eyes.

"You could say so." He nodded weakly and she snorted.

"It's not romantic at all." She placed her hands on her hips and his brows furrowed as he glared at her.

"Is it supposed to be?" He inquired and she smirked slightly. He hadn’t realised how much he missed that - it had been a goddamn month since it had been directed to him last.

"Of course, after all the indirect insults you threw at me."

"If it makes you feel better if I was still a thug, I'd want to fuck you senselessly." His deadpan statement was an attempt at brightening the mood and it brought him so much more when she began laughing - a month since he’d heard that one too.

"Enough of a compensation. But I don’t get why before is different from now since you’re the same person." Her objection made his eyes narrow - of course they weren’t much different in nature but he couldn’t let himself rush into something he hadn’t had ever. He didn’t need love and support - he’d been fine without them until now. Sex was another thing he could get but preferred not to because she, unlike him, probably connected it to something more emotional.

"I have boundaries now and I’m more self-conscious." She snorted with laughter once more, though he would be surprised to hear why.

"Of what - the perfect body, the flawless face, the smooth voice or the heart of gold under all the piled-up bad experience?" Her mocking question made it hard for him to distinguish whether she’d meant to tease or compliment him. Maybe both - it sounded like her.

"Of the fact I’m far from flawless yet I'm supposed to be a role model to young cadets. Of the fact I fight and promote that others die as they fight. Of the fact I’m worshipped by kids who don’t really know me, kids I’ll probably outlive." His voice was low and deep, tired, morose. Silence followed. Then (Y/N) nudged his shoulder and he watched her empathetic smile. She couldn’t say anything to make him feel better. "Does this mean you accept my apology?"

"Of course. Who can resist when it’s obvious you’re trying so hard?" (Y/N) chuckled when the raven glared at her but quickly calmed down, only to glance shyly at the ground right after. "I'm sorry, too. I rushed to snap back at you."

"You've nothing to apologise for, I deserved it.” He countered, making her blush slightly before she patted his shoulder with a smile.

"Since we're going to be seeing each other often, let's talk when something like this happens again, alright?" Levi rolled his eyes before nodding - way nonchalant than the furious ‘yes’ pushing at his lips. The small ‘fine’ he uttered earned him one of her grins. His stomach took a turn. He focused on his heartbeat - either it hadn’t skipped or he’d been lucky enough not to have heard it. "But next time be a bit more romantic." She joked whilst getting up, to which he only glared.

"Romantic? More like no thanks. I’m not romantic and will not attempt to become romantic." He stated coldly as they walked out the mess hall and headed towards their respective rooms.

"I can teach you." She suggested with a small shrug and he snorted at her.

"As if you're any better."

"You don't have a way of knowing. I may just be a hidden romantic." (Y/N) flashed him yet another terribly attractive smirk and it would've been a lie to say it didn’t make his heart beat faster but he was adamant not to admit it.

"Or I may just be the princess of the walls." He teased, his voice rid of all emotion. The woman next to him was still able to sense his sarcasm. He rolled his eyes and she slapped his shoulder playfully, laughing and feigning offence - it ended in vain. Maybe he could learn to accept the fact he regarded her in such a way after a few months. Just a few. And maybe if he got the chance he’d tell her too. Or not. He was fine with just watching her smile and , by god, if somebody took that from him he would kill to get it back.

Such determination was so him in spite of the topic, he never understood how all of this became so natural to the point it happened every day.

#levi x reader #levi ackerman fanfiction #reader insert #canon stuffs #watch this sequel be almost as ooc as the first part #or wayyyy more #dunno #let's assume i can't write and levi is especially soft in this one

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astrognossienne · 3 years

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scandalous star: gary cooper -an analysis

“I don’t like to see exaggerated airs and exploding egos in people who are already established. No player ever rises to prominence solely on talent. They’re molded by forces other than themselves. They should remember this – and at least twice a week drop to their knees and thank Providence for elevating them from cow ranches, dime store ribbon counters and bookkeeping desks. ” - Gary Cooper

He didn’t say much, but when he did, it carried a lot of weight. He was the archetypal hero of the Old West; the quintessential masculine ideal of the stoic and “strong silent type” that most Taurus men are. But for famously laconic Gary Cooper, his good looks and earnest, haunted eyes for decades made him the quintessential lonely American of motion pictures.He was a more equanimous, human protagonist versus boisterous, bigger-than-life Hollywood supermen. He was renowned for his quiet, understated acting style and his individualistic, emotionally restrained, but at times intense screen persona, which was particularly well suited to the many Westerns he made. He was a man’s man...as well as a ladies’ man. Cooper became a hero to many, even as he developed a reputation as one of the most notorious philanderers in Hollywood. Privately a debonair ladykiller with a taste for high society, he crafted an image as just the opposite from his prototype cowboy image he materfully portrayed on the silver screen. He was insatiable, before and during his marriage. How did he reconcile his moral righteousness onscreen (Taurus sun) with his philandering offscreen (Sagittarius moon)? That was the work of the fixers, gossip magazines, and the studio system at large, which ensured that Cooper was never caught, never denounced, and held up as a paragon of American values.

Gary Cooper, according to astrotheme, was a Taurus sun and Sagittarius moon. He was born Frank James Cooper in Helena, Montana, the second son of an English farmer from Bedfordshire, who later became an American lawyer and judge, Charles Henry Cooper (1865-1946), and Kent-born Alice (née Brazier) Cooper (1873-1967). As a child, he met a freed slave woman named Mary Fields, otherwise known as Stagecoach Mary, and so awed by her was she that he later wrote an account of his memories of her in Ebony magazine. His mother hoped for their two sons to receive a better education than that available in Montana and arranged for the boys to attend Dunstable Grammar School in Bedfordshire, England between 1910 and 1913. Upon the outbreak of World War I, Cooper’s mother brought her sons home and enrolled them in a Bozeman, Montana, high school. Upon graduation, he eventually matriculated at Grinnell College in Grinnell, IA, where he attempted to nurture a passion for drawing - until a serious car accident ended his college days in the summer of 1920. He would recover from his severely injured hip through an odd but painful therapy, horseback riding.

When his father retired from the bench and moved his mother to Los Angeles, Cooper gave up agriculture classes to try his hand as a Hollywood extra. Cooper played an extra in a handful of silent films before arriving on the set of The Winning of Barbara Worth in 1926. The actor cast as the second male lead didn’t show, and someone shoved Cooper into the part. He appeared with Clara Bow (who soon became one of his conquests) in her star-making film It, but it was his appearance in another Bow vehicle Wings, released later that same year, truly launched his career. He plays a World War I flying cadet, and although his screentime was still relatively short, there was one scene — an extended close-up shot, the light streaming in from outside — in which he looked gorgeous. In 1929, he filmed The Wolf Song with Lupe Vélez. He soon had an affair with Velez, who purportedly claimed that Cooper “has the biggest organ in Hollywood but not the ass to push it in well.” For more on their relationship, read my star analysis on Lupe.

Cooper filmed The Virginian — his first real “talkie,” and the film was a major hit and cemented the foundation of Cooper’s image. His ability to project elements of his own personality onto the characters he portrayed, to appear natural and authentic in his roles, and to underplay and deliver restrained performances calibrated for the camera and the screen helped make him a cinematic success, often lauded by those he worked with. However, his good looks and charisma made him a success with women, whether he worked with them or not. Over the next few years, Cooper was paired with the most gorgeous and promising female stars in Hollywood —with Carole Lombard in I Take This Woman (whom he slept with), Claudette Colbert in His Woman (whom he allegedly slept with), Marlene Dietrich in Morocco and Desire (who he famously slept with more than once), and Joan Blondell in Make Me a Star (who he allegedly slept with). In 1932, Cooper and his Paramount “rival,” Cary Grant, were cast against Tallulah Bankhead in Devil and the Deep (1932). Like Lupe Velez, Bankhead was a loose cannon, with most famous quote being:

“The only reason I went to Hollywood was to fuck that divine Gary Cooper.”

Amidst all his public and private action, Cooper began courting Veronica “Rocky” Balfe, a starlet who went by the stage name of Sandra Shaw. She was also best known as the blonde dropped by King Kong. The two were wed in late 1933. Balfe retired from the screen to become a wife and mother, with her giving birth to their only child, Maria, in 1937. Cooper portrayed a new type of hero—a champion of the common man—in films like Mr. Deeds Goes To Washington and 1941′s Sergeant York (which won him his first of two Best Actor Oscars). Cooper met Ernest Hemingway at Sun Valley in October 1940 and they were friends for the rest of his life. He co-starred with Ingrid Bergman (with whom he had a year-long affair with) in a the film adaptation of Hemingway’s For Whom the Bell Tolls. He kept starring in more films and bedding his female co-stars until he got more than he bargained for when he made The Fountainhead. Naturally, the 47-year-old Cooper had an affair with his co-star, the 21-year-old Patricia Neal. However, this time things got crazy: Neal wound up pregnant with Cooper’s child. He insisted she have an abortion. When Cooper’s long-suffering wife found out about the relationship, she sent a telegram demanding he end it. This didn’t work; he also confessed that he was in love with Neal, and continued to see her. Cooper and his wife legally separated in May of 1951. Cooper’s daughter Maria, by then in her early teens, famously spat on Neal in public. Neal later claimed that Cooper hit her after she went on a date with Kirk Douglas. Neal ended their relationship in late December 1951. Amid all this drama, Cooper starred in what is now regarded as his defining role: the beleaguered sheriff in High Noon, which won him his second Best Actor Oscar. In later life, he became involved in a relationship with the costume designer Irene, and was, according to Irene, "the only man she ever loved".

Maybe all his previous actions had an affect on him because Cooper converted to Catholicism in 1958, and reconciled with his wife and daughter. Also, he began starring in films that centered around searching for redemption, such as Friendly Persuasion (1956) and Man of the West (1958). In 1960, Cooper fell ill with prostate cancer, which quickly spread to his colon, lungs, and bones; he died of it shortly after his 60th birthday in 1961. A year after his death, Irene committed suicide by jumping from the 11th floor of the Knickerbocker Hotel, after telling Doris Day of her grief over Cooper's death. Regardless of his philandering, regardless of the arduous work of his studio’s publicity departments, there was something plaintive, almost childlike, maybe even innocent about Cooper, so he can easily be forgiven his sins. He acted out what mattered to millions of people, and that act made him a star beyond measure.

Next, I’ll focus on his former paramour Lupe Velez’s arch nemesis. A woman who happened to be wife of MGM art director Cedric Gibbons (Gary Cooper’s wife Rocky’s uncle). She was another pioneer of Mexican cinema who was arguably the first Latina to successfully crossover to Anglo audiences: Leo Dolores del Río.

Stats

birthdate: May 7, 1901

major planets:

Sun: Taurus

Moon: Sagittarius

Rising: Taurus

Mercury: Taurus

Venus: Taurus

Mars: Leo

Midheaven: Aquarius

Jupiter: Capricorn

Saturn: Capricorn

Uranus: Sagittarius

Neptune: Gemini

Pluto: Gemini

Overall personality snapshot: He was torn between an instinct to roam free and a determination to find security and make a solid, lasting contribution to the world. As he repeatedly changed horses in search of both ultimate certainties and high-spirited adventure at the same time, he could find himself deeply divided and uncertain. He sought to earth the fire from heaven and put it to work, but he found all too often that it would not let him rest. In his search for stability and security, he became a farmer and was immediately confronted with the changing seasons. He embraced the solid certainties of geology and are hit by an earthquake. He liked to feel the solid earth move. He sought certitude and permanence, yet his endless inquiries constantly confounded yesterday’s certainties. When he got his own uncertainties together (by accepting he wanted the best of both the changing and the unchanging worlds), he could have been a brilliant teacher, conversationalist, counselor, entertainer, wit, creative artist or entrepreneur – in fact he could have been anything he wanted. Once focused, he could be a human dynamo, and wonderfully humorous, witty and entertaining with it. As he discovered, his quest for solid material certainties did not make a happy bedfellow for his yearning for excitement and larger religious and spiritual understanding. In one way or another, be it through philosophy and the spiritual quest or through writing, music or art, he needed to put together and formulate a total vision of the universe which is based on unassailable facts yet satisfying to his idealism.

Constantly seeking, he was a natural agnostic, applying the criteria of science to counter woolly speculations, yet at the same time highly skeptical of the limited and statistical pronouncements of unthinking science. The danger, if he did not marry these elements within him, is that he would swing from one to the other and undermine the virtues of both. A restless changing of jobs, careers, partners, visions or aspirations left him drunk with his own spinning. When he deliberately tried to remain sober and commonsensical, it seemed to make matters worse for there was something of the gambler in him. This all-or-nothing streak can temporarily overcome your natural caution and enable you to burn your bridges (though you will usually ensure there is something tucked away for a rainy day). He felt an impulsive need to do things on a grand scale, to live with commitment, to feast on the world, and to understand what it was to be alive in all possible ways. He seemed to be called both to explore the reaches of the imagination and to build secure foundations. He brought far-reaching visions into manifestation, and these visions injected his conservative desire for stability and security with flair and colour. His vision of tomorrow and the larger world gave spice to any project he undertook. He saw endless possibilities and wanted to make them real. In this he could be the natural entrepreneur who saw economic opportunities at every turn, an inspiring counselor and teacher, and a stimulating companion whatever he did.

His well-shaped body displayed a warm attractiveness and ripeness. In his later years, he may have needed to watch the tendency to gain weight too easily. His strong broad shoulders supported a very large neck size. His most outstanding feature was his eyes and his gentle smile and voice. He was big-boned. He enjoyed dressing well, preferring soft colours. He was practical, steady and patient, but he could be inflexible in his views. One thing he did have was plenty of common sense and good powers of concentration, although he tended to think that purely abstract thought was a waste of time. His thought processes weren’t as quick as others, but his decisions were made with a lot of thought behind them. He also had the welcome ability to bring people together. He needed to be able to show his originality and independence in any job for complete satisfaction. His work should also satisfy his scientific bent and humanitarian leanings. He needed scope for his inventiveness, because he was able to bring a fresh view to any job. Ideally, his work should permit him to express the idealistic side to him character and allow him to help as many people as possible. He could be extremely efficient in the way that he tried to get maximum result out of minimum effort. He didn’t like extravagance and waste. He was a thoughtful and resourceful person, who was well-informed on many subjects. Success came gradually and as a result of hard work. Success and growth, for him, were expressed by material and financial achievements, bringing status and prestige.Worldly success was well within his reach, because he possessed all the necessary talents to gain power, influence and status. He was practical, determined and patient. When there were hitches in his plans, he simply worked around them. He knew where he was heading to, and had already figured out the best way to use his talents to reach his goals.

Although he could be fairly pessimistic about life in general, it didn’t put him off aiming for the top. He could be very single-minded about reaching his goals, and was prepared to put his career interests above his personal happiness. He was extremely aware of his own worth. He was prepared to work beyond the call of duty. His strong sense of ambition gave him a certain rigidity, arrogance and selfishness in the eyes of others. He belonged to a generation with fiery enthusiasm for new and innovative ideas and concepts. Rejecting the past and its mistakes, he sought new ideals and people to believe in. As a member of this generation, he felt restless and adventurous, and was attracted towards foreign people, places and cultures. As a member of the Gemini Neptune generation, his restless mind pushed him to explore new intellectual fields. He loved communication and the occult and was likely also fascinated by metaphysical phenomena and astrology. As a Gemini Plutonian, he was mentally restless and willing to examine and change old doctrines, ideas and ways of thinking. As a member of this generation, he showed an enormous amount of mental vitality, originality and perception. Traditional customs and taboos were examined and rejected for newer and more original ways of doing things. As opportunities with education expanded, he questioned more and learned more. As a member of this generation, having more than one occupation at a time would not have been unusual to him.

Love/sex life: His sexuality was a wonderful combination of sensuality and basic laziness. He let himself be carried along by his pleasure-seeking instincts, greeting every new experience with fresh eagerness and then slowly draining from that encounter all the joy it has to offer. This passive, easy-going approach to sex not only made for good technique, it also conceals the egocentric strength and stubbornness that was at the core of his erotic nature. People don’t realize that beneath all that luxurious hedonism he was always the person in control. He was a conservative lover for whom appearances were always important. There may have been occasions when his sensuality lured him into indiscretions but he was quick to cover his tracks and hide the evidence. The quiet practicality of his sexual nature served as a handy antidote for his Martian braggadocio. He knew that he was the best there is but he was willing to sit back and let the world find out the good news on its own. In his youth Cooper was endorsed by several female “experts” of the time (such as Clara Bow, Marlene Dietrich and Tallulah Bankhead) as Hollywood’s sexiest man. His soft spoken and manly sex appeal projected just as well on the screen. After marrying at age 32, Cooper’s sex life became somewhat more sedate though he never lost his ability to attract women.

minor asteroids and points:

North Node: Scorpio

Lilith: Scorpio

Vertex: Libra

Fortune: Capricorn

East Point: Taurus

His North Node in Scorpio dictated that he needed to be careful not to let the more emotional side of his personality overwhelm him. Instead, he should have set out to consciously develop his more practical abilities. His Lilith in Scorpio ensured that he was dangerously attracted to those women who seduced and conquered on a daily basis; who liked life intense and was judged for her sexuality and general vibe and learned early on how to deflect moral judgments. His type of women may have been tried in the court of public opinion but no way were they going to show up for the sentencing. His Vertex in Libra, 6th house dictated that he llonged for a union of souls that was based on a model of pure peace and justice. Images come to mind of a mythical life on Venus, the planet of love, where there is never a discordant beat between lovers, but rather, continual harmony even if played in the minor chords. Physical lust was certainly a necessary aspect of two beings eternally intertwined, but the platonic component far outweighed it in importance for him. He had an attitude of duty, obligation and sacrifice when it came to heartfelt interactions. The negative side was the tendency to become hypochondriacal or martyristic to get the love he so desperately wanted. There was a need for others to appreciate the sincerity of his intentions, to the daily tasks he executed in a conscientious and caring way and for others to know that his actions, no matter how routine they may seem, were based on devoted love. His Part of Fortune in Capricorn and Part of Spirit in Cancer dictated that his destiny lay in creating practical and long-lasting achievements. Success came through hard work, determination, responsibility and perseverance. Fulfillment came from observing his progress through life and seeing it take a form and structure that will outlive him. His soul’s purpose guided him towards building security in his life, both emotional and material. He felt spiritual connections and the spark of the divine within his home and family. East Point in Taurus dictated that he was more likely to identify with the need for pleasure (including the potential of liking himself) and comfort.

elemental dominance:

earth

fire

He was a practical, reliable man and could provide structure and protection. He was oriented toward practical experience and thought in terms of doing rather than thinking, feeling, or imagining. Could be materialistic, unimaginative, and resistant to change. But at his best, he provided the practical resources, analysis, and leadership to make dreams come true. He was dynamic and passionate, with strong leadership ability. He generated enormous warmth and vibrancy. He was exciting to be around, because he was genuinely enthusiastic and usually friendly. However, he could either be harnessed into helpful energy or flame up and cause destruction. Ultimately, he chose the latter. Confident and opinionated, he was fond of declarative statements such as “I will do this” or “It’s this way.” When out of control—usually because he was bored, or hadn’t been acknowledged—he was bossy, demanding, and even tyrannical. But at his best, his confidence and vision inspired others to conquer new territory in the world, in society, and in themselves.

modality dominance:

fixed

He liked the challenge of managing existing routines with ever more efficiency, rather than starting new enterprises or finding new ways of doing things. He likely had trouble delegating duties and had a very hard time seeing other points of view; he tried to implement the human need to create stability and order in the wake of change.

house dominants:

12th

9th

8th

He had great interest in the unconscious, and indulged in a lot of hidden and secret affairs. His life was defined by seclusion and escapism. He had a certain mysticism and hidden sensitivity, as well as an intense need for privacy. Traveling, whether physically across the globe, on a mental plane or expanding through study was a major theme in his life. He was not only concerned with learning facts, but also wanted to understand the connections formed between them and the philosophies and concepts they stood for. His conscience, as well as foreign travel, people and places was also of paramount importance in his life. He loved the totality of the human experience and embraced the whole cycle of human life, including birth, sex and death. His darker side, and the complexes and emotions that he preferred to keep hidden, even from himself was a theme throughout his life. His ability to undergo deep personal transformations and spiritual regeneration was also highlighted.

planet dominants:

Venus

Saturn

Sun

He was romantic, attractive and valued beauty, had an artistic instinct, and was sociable. He had an easy ability to create close personal relationships, for better or worse, and to form business partnerships. He believed in the fact that lessons in life were sometimes harsh, that structure and foundation was a great issue in his life, and he had to be taught through through experience what he needed in order to grow. He paid attention to limitations he had and had to learn the rules of the game in this physical reality. He tended to have a practical, prudent outlook. He also likely held rigid beliefs. He had vitality and creativity, as well as a strong ego and was authoritarian and powerful. He likely had strong leadership qualities, he definitely knew who he was, and he had tremendous will. He met challenges and believed in expanding his life.

sign dominants:

Taurus

Sagittarius

Capricorn

His stubbornness and determination kept his around for the long haul on any project or endeavour. He was incredibly patient, singular in his pursuit of goals, and determined to attain what he wanted. Although he lacked versatility, he compensated for it by enduring whatever he had to in order to get what he wanted. He enjoyed being surrounded by nice things. He liked fine art and music, and may have had considerable musical ability. He also had a talent for working with his hands—gardening, woodworking, and sculpting. He sought the truth, expressed it as he saw it—and didn’t care if anyone else agreed with him. He saw the large picture of any issue and couldn’t be bothered with the mundane details. He was always outspoken and likely couldn’t understand why other people weren’t as candid. After all, what was there to hide? He loved his freedom and chafed at any restrictions. He was a serious-minded person who often seemed aloof and tightly in control of his emotions and her personal domain. Even as a youngster, there was a mature air about him, as if he was born with a profound core that few outsiders ever see. He was easily impressed by outward signs of success, but was interested less in money than in the power that money represents. He was a true worker—industrious, efficient, and disciplined. His innate common sense gave her the ability to plan ahead and to work out practical ways of approaching goals. More often than not, he succeeded at whatever he set out to do. He possessed a quiet dignity that was unmistakable.

Read more about him under the cut.

Actor Gary Cooper was born on May 7, 1901, in Helena, Montana. Spanning from the silent film era to the early 1960s, Academy Award-winning actor Gary Cooper built much of his career by playing strong, manly, distinctly American roles. The son of English parents who had settled in Montana, he was educated in England for a time. He also studied at Grinnell College in Iowa before heading to Los Angeles to work as an illustrator. When he had a hard time finding a job, Cooper worked as a film extra and landed some small parts. After his appearance in

The Winning of Barbara Worth

(1926), a western, Cooper's career began to take off. He starred opposite silent movie star Clara Bow in Children of Divorce (1927). Cooper also earned praise as the ranch foreman in

The Virginian

(1929), one of his early films with sound. Throughout the 1930s, he turned in a number of strong performances in such films as A Farewell to Arms (1934) with Helen Hayes and Mr. Deeds Goes to Town (1936) directed by Frank Capra. Cooper received an Academy Award nomination for his work on the film. Cooper continued to excel on the big screen, tackling several real-life dramas. In Sergeant York (1941), the played a World War I hero and sharpshooter, which was based on the life story of Alvin York. Cooper earned a Best Actor Academy Award for his portrayal of York.

The next year, Cooper played one of baseball's greats, Lou Gehrig, in The Pride of the Yankees (1942). Again, he scored another Best Actor Academy Award nomination. Appearing in a film adaptation of Ernest Hemingway's For Whom the Bell Tolls, Cooper starred opposite Ingrid Bergman in a drama set during the Spanish Civil War. This role garnered him a third Academy Award nomination. In 1952, Cooper took on what is known considered his signature role as Will Kane in High Noon. He appeared as a lawman who must face a deadly foe without any help from his own townspeople. The film won four Academy Awards, including a Best Actor win for Cooper. In addition to his excellent on-screen performances, Cooper became known for his alleged romances with several of his leading ladies, including Clara Bow and Patricia Neal. The affair with Neal, his co-star in 1949's The Fountainhead, reportedly occurred during his marriage to socialite Veronica Balfe with whom he had a daughter. Their marriage seemed to survive the scandal. By the late 1950s, Cooper's health was in decline. He made a few more films, such as Man of the West (1958), before dying of cancer on May 13, 1961. (x)

#taurus #astrology #star analyses #gary cooper #scandalous stars #long ass post #mine

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yuzuchi-b · 3 years

Text

Ever after high AU (alternate universe)

CONTEXT (use translator if something is not understood let it be known) Versión en español al final de esto .

The good king is a former knight (he was called the dark knight) to think of having that name he was a beloved knight in Ever After everywhere. Raven, because she was her daughter, was always a fan of the knights because of the stories that her father told him about the dark knight, but her mother detested, since she was going to find out about her destiny and femininity according to her. she secretly practices sword with his trained potato. A king never forgets his learning even though he is already retired, one day she discovered that the tales of the dark knight was actually her father (no one knew the true identity of the dark knight or even the evil queen herself) her father upon discovering what in She really wanted to make her daughter support her. He knew that his wife would not be happy with this so he kept it a secret (or well not until the queen was caught in the mirror) he taught his daughter control of the sword and how to be a knight, the day before leaving. from Ever After High gave him his old armor parting with some changes such as supports to fit him perfectly (the same as Darling had) and his old sword and shield. Raven mysteriously always disappeared when the dark knight appeared (but nobody really noticed, they were too distracted admiring the dark knight). When she presented herself with her armor, she proclaimed herself as the "son of the dark knight" named as Runar Schwert (name with German origins such as the story of Snow White). Raven does not want to be the villain of the story. She wants to be the knight who saves the princesses. when she goes to the class for princes (I do not remember the name of that class has very strange and difficult names to remember) (she goes in armor so that they do not recognize her, the biggest mystery in that Au is how is the face of Runar the brave dark knight descendant of original dark knight) Raven refuses her fate as the next evil queen as she wants to be the next dark knight (in simple words she wants to be a knight just like Darling).

The evil queen is the same as in the original au she hates the dark knight (she doesn't know it's her daughter) she hates him since she doesn't see anything in a guy in armor

raven armor (made by me)

The only Ever After High student who knows her secret is Darling Charming she discovered Raven's secret in an oversight Raven herself committed. Darling here never found the armor of the white knight so she never learned to use the sword well (she trained sword from what she saw her brothers but in a very amateur way), she begs Raven to teach her, Raven at first reluctant since She had never taught anyone, after Darling pleaded with her, she agrees to make her his student there. Darling learns to use the sword correctly. Raven and Darling are lost in wonderland and she finds the armor of the white knight the former white knight puts Darling to the test. ends up gaining the armor thus creating the duo of brothers the dark knight and the white knight (people really think they are brothers because of their friendly behavior among them some girls shipe them with a weird ship they have) creating the best duo of gentlemen who were full of mysteries, their faces? . Darling is obviously less agile than Raven but almost as effective, she has a disadvantage by not having magic like Raven, things cost her more.

Raven queen

Brave like his father with the role of being the successor of the dark knight and changing his destiny to that of a brave knight who saves princesses wings, his magic which he only uses in an emergency since before he used his magic to improve his physique but began to develop muscles naturally (korra-like muscles) when he exerted, he uses illusion spell to hide his muscular body since he is not a princess body, you have scars that were made in his trainings and in some fights (secret that he never told his father how he got these wounds), they are covered by his illusion spell, he secretly goes to the princes class (that class where they will learn how to save a damsel in distress) with his father's armor so that they do not discover her I proclaim as the son of the dark knight in part it is not totally a lie even that she really is not a boy she hates that they call her with masculine synonyms but she supports it since they can not discover her identity, I hate to the evil classes (where he learns to be bad) he prefers the heroes and princes classes the only person who knows he is the dark knight are the narrator, darling charming and his father when he entered Ever After High he began to listen to the narrators for some reason that she does not know (Madeline cannot hear them) she has a terrible fear of her mother, her magic gives her a huge advantage over all, she can use her magic to have superhuman strength and better reflexes and attacks more strong, his magic touch is that he can enhance his body and combine it with the use of sword and magic.

From there everything is the same only that the dark knight exists and the white knight does not exist (STILL) but the red knight does but he does not appear since it is not important (if the white knight exists but later).

The evil queen here escaped some years ago before the series started, she wants to destroy Ever After High as some kind of twisted taste for teasing snow white and putting terror, while trying to destroy wonderland again, she can't see to his daughter as in the original because she is no longer trapped in the mirror, the person who freed her is unknown.

everything is the same only these changes Darling and Raven the duo of gentlemen and Madeline does not listen to the narrators, the evil queen is free.

I was like two days to write all this good until next time.

El rey bueno es un ex caballero ( se llamaba el caballero oscuro ) a pensar de tener ese nombre era un caballero amado en Ever After en todas partes . Raven por ser su hija siempre fue fan de los caballeros por las historias que le contada su padre sobre el caballero oscuro , pero su madre detestaba , ya que iba encontrar de su destino y feminidad según ella . secretamente practica espada con el entrenado de su papa . Un rey nunca olvida su enteramiento aun que ya este retirado , un día ella descubrió que los cuentos del caballero oscuro era en realidad su padre (nadie conocía la verdadera identidad del caballero oscuro ni siquiera la misma reina malvada ) su padre al descubrir lo que en verdad quería hacer su hija la apoyo. El sabia que su esposa no estaría feliz con esto así que lo mantuvo en secreto ( o bueno no hasta que la reina quedo presa en el espejo) le enseño a su hija el control de la espada y como ser una caballera , día antes de irse de Ever After High le regalo de despedida su vieja armadura con algunos cambios como unos soportes para que le quedara ala perfección ( los mismo que tenia Darling ) y su vieja espada y escudo. Raven misteriosamente siempre desaparecía cuando el caballero oscuro aparecía (pero realmente nadie se dio cuenta, estaban demasiado distraídos admirando al caballero oscuro) . ella al presentarse con su armadura se proclamo como el "hijo del caballero oscuro" llamado como Runar Schwert (nombre con orígenes alemanes como la historia de las blanca nieves) Raven no quiere ser el villano de la historia quiere ser el caballero que salve alas princesas cuando va ala clase para príncipes (no recuerdo el nombre de esa clase tiene nombres muy raros y difíciles de recordar ) (ella va en armadura para que no la reconozcan , el misterio mas grande en ese Au es como es el rostro de Runar el valiente caballero oscuro descendiente del caballero oscuro original ) Raven se niega a su destino como la próxima reina malvada ya que ella quiere ser la siguiente caballera oscura (en simples palabras quiere ser un caballero al igual que Darling) .

La reina malvada es igual que en el au original odia al caballero oscuro (no sabe que es su hija) lo detesta ya que no le ve nada a un tipo con armadura .

La única estudiante de Ever After High que conoce su secreto es Darling Charming ella descubrió el secreto de Raven en un descuido de la misma Raven cometió. Darling aquí nunca encontró la armadura del caballero blanco así que nunca aprendió bien usar la espada ( ella entrenaba espada por lo que veía a su hermanos pero de forma bien amateur), ella le suplica a Raven que le enseñe , Raven al principio reacia ya que nunca había enseñado a nadie , después que Darling le suplicara , ella acepta convertirla en su estudiante ahí Darling aprende usar espada correctamente . Raven y Darling se pierden en el pais de las maravillas y encuentra la armadura del caballero blanco el anterior caballero blanco pone a prueba a Darling . termina ganando la armadura así creando el dúo de hermanos el caballero oscuro y el caballero blanco ( la gente de verdad piensan que son hermanos por su comportamiento tan amigable entre ellos algunas chicas los shipean con un ship medio raro que tienen ) creando el mejor dúo de caballeros el cual estaban llenos de misterios ¿su rostros? . Darling es obviamente menos ágil que Raven pero casi igual de eficaz , tiene una desventaja al no tener magia igual que Raven las cosas le cuesta mas.

Raven Queen

Valiente como su padre con el papel de ser la sucesora del caballero oscuro y cambiar su destino al de un caballero valiente que salva alas princesas ,su magia la cual solo usa en caso de emergencia ya que antes usaba su magia para mejorar su físico pero empezó a desarrollar músculos naturalmente (músculos tipo korra) al ejerció, usa hechizo de ilusión para ocultar su musculoso cuerpo ya que no es un cuerpo de una princesa, tienes cicatrices que se hizo en sus entrenamientos y en algunas peleas (secretas que nunca le dijo a su padre como se hizo estas heridas) , son cubiertas por su hechizo de ilusión , secretamente va ala clase de príncipes (esa clases donde van a aprender como salvar a una damisela en apuros) con la armadura de su padre para que no la descubran se proclamo como el hijo del caballero oscuro en parte no es totalmente mentira aun que ella realmente no es un chico ella odia que la llamen con sinónimos masculino pero lo soporta ya que no pueden descubrí su identidad, odia las clases de mal (donde aprende a ser malo) que tiene prefiere las clases de los héroes y príncipes la única persona que sabe que es el caballero oscuro son los narradora, Darling Charming y su padre cuando entro en Ever After High comenzó a escuchar a los narradores por alguna razón que no conoce (Madeline no los puede escuchar) le tiene un miedo terrible a su madre , su magia le da una ventaja enorme ante todos, puede usar su magia para tener fuerza sobre humana y mejores reflejos y ataques mas fuerte , su toque mágico es que puede mejorar su cuerpo y combinarlo con el uso de espada y magia .

Desde ahí todo es igual solo que existe el caballero oscuro y no existe (AUN) el caballero blanco pero si el caballero rojo pero el no aparece ya que no es importante ( si existe el caballero blanco pero mas adelante ) .

La reina malvada aquí escapo hace algunos años antes que empezara la serie , ella quiere destruir Ever After High como algún tipo de gusto retorcido por molestar a blanca nieves y poner terror, mientras intenta volver a destruir el pais de las maravillas, ella no puede ver a su hija como en el original por no estar mas atrapada en el espejo, se desconoce la persona que la libero .

todo es igual solo estos cambios Darling y Raven el dúo de caballeros y Madeline no escucha a los narradores, la reina malvada esta libre .

Estuve como dos dias para escribir todo esto bueno hasta la proxima.

#AU #raven queen #ever after high #eah #ever after au #fanfic #?#darling charming

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osir-ethria · 3 years

Text

...... I have ideas and all but if anyone finds my head canons interesting enough feel free to ask me about a topic that I can turn into a head canon or scenario/drabble/mini story/one shot. If anyone does do this then fair warning I may not immediately respond or it may take me a bit to think of something or create said something. Or I may not choose to respond to it if I don’t feel comfortable to do so.

_____________________________

For now, Happy B-Day Weiss! (I finally got an idea and it’s probably late to some people but it’s still May 15th for me so here we go.)

_____________________________

How RWBYJNRWWWQEOK+AceOps and maybe Sun and Neptune act today... Maybe Raven and Tai too, I want Raven to join them and Tai to reunite. More so let’s just have the entire found family.

(Setting they are in a building, not a tent. Like maybe a room in Haven or after Salem fight and they survive but making sure the world doesn’t break is becoming stressful on the group because they were main figures in the war. Now hold leading positions that I won’t get into but y’know it be hard for them.)

First is the mutual agreement to LET WEISS SLEEP IN TILL LIKE NOON. They be letting the Ice Queen rest especially with all the bullshit she has to put up with on a daily basis and the fact she hasn’t slept properly in days.

Weiss does try to wake up, thinking it’s a normal day but it isn’t, Ruby pins her to the bed where she is laying on top of Ice Queen. Weiss doesn’t have the strength to resist and just lays there asking Blake and Yang for help but no response. She eventually passes out again and Ruby gives Weiss her cape before sneaking out.

Yang and Blake go out to get ingredients and anything they need to make a meal of the size of the party they are going host for Weiss.

Ruby is making cookies with the current ingredients, Yang’s style based on Summer’s recipe, and Winter is getting some coffee ready.

Whitley, Ren, and Jaune are organizing presents. I’ll list what they got Weiss.

Ruby: A pocketknife she made, girl be way into weapons. (I’m giving you choice here, choose the design.)

Yang: (She be making the cake but y’know) I like the idea she gets Bumblebee back and it would be upgraded. Taking Weiss on a ride with it.

Blake: Simple but gets the new White Fang badge with the Schnee insignia as an acceptance. Would offer to help her with duel wielding after learning that she can and had to do so when they fell.

Jaune & Neptune: They’d go off on how much of assholes they were during Beacon. Jaune for not taking “No” as an answer and Neptune acting the way he did. Weiss would get a good laugh then retaliate with “I was just as much of an asshole as you two but thanks for saying that.”

Ren: Would carve out the flower he associates Weiss with the most out of wood and paint it over perfectly.

Nora: Depending on the timeline either new kitchen ware or take over any manual labor tasks for the next week for her. Maybe both.

Willow: She found a store filled with puzzles of all sorts. Buy Weiss three and a book on puzzle making and concept. Probably get her a lot of information based books but she knows by now that Weiss likes them and isn’t weary on if it’s the right thing to buy.

Whitley (Depending on if CVFY joins then with Coco): New stylized clothing of both grouped “feminine” and “masculine”... Do you hear my sarcasm. They just styled and got tailored Weiss’ new wardrobe. Whitley has the courtesy of a sweater/hoodie with FIGHT on the back representing her response to Jacques’s abuse. Also got Winter one with ‘Flight to Fight’, Willow one with “Froze but Thawed”, and himself “Fawned but Freed”. Just something nice. (Klein got a hoodie with “True Schnee Dad” on it and I don’t take no for an answer).

Winter: Got Myrenaster sharpened, taking over all ‘logically enduring’ tasks of the next week that don’t require Weiss specifically. Going out to dinner the next day but that’s the next day. With the help of Ruby she picked out new jewelry. The one she thought would suit Weiss the most was a custom made necklace with silver, the Schnee emblem, and small rubies.

Klein: Did a stand up comedy act with his many split personalities with a little help from Neo. There, that’s Neo contribution. Acts like his butler self for the day which brings a rather nice nostalgia to a poor past.

Qrow: After years of traveling together, much to Winter’s dismay, he has allowed Weiss to refer to him as Uncle if she wants to. Paid for the material to her new wardrobe by Whitley and Coco.

Tai: Helps her with hand to hand combat. Knitted a sweater for her that has some goofy dad joke on it in reference to her. (Btw, as much as Weiss cringed she loves the damn thing.)

Raven: Goes on the whole apology, she did a big one for everyone but this one was directly for Weiss. She teaches Weiss how she made the dust blades and the whole concept, and to Weiss’s request, will be teaching Ruby the same thing. (I wouldn’t take it as an unknown thing, dust blades, but it’s difficult to craft and you need to master it perfectly.)

Emerald: Probably also put on something funny but this time she’d disguise herself as Jacques for an hour as Weiss goes all out on how much he hates him. Best thing to watch and the entire time Emerald has to keep herself from breaking down by the reminder that this is towards Jacques not her. After the whole ordeal Weiss hugs Emrald thanking her and said she acted him out perfectly.

(You guys got to think of other characters, I can’t think of anything else for presents right now while writing this.)

Weiss wakes up after, after Ruby finished cookies and Winter coffee and Klein a proper breakfast, and she is greeted by both of them along with Whitley and Willow. Ruby is smiling animatedly which always gets Weiss to grin, Winter sits down on the edge of the bed with a calmer smile but she has gotten better with emotion, Willow is at the edge with a motherly look that Weiss starts to cry a bit, and Whitley has climbed onto the bed and is on the other side of his sister, sitting there, smiling.

Ruby places her breakfast down before using her semblance in a quick burst to get directly to Weiss’s right side and lean on her. A few rose petals are there but nothing has been disturbed. (At this point the Schnees have gotten used to Ruby’s and Weiss’ closeness, either as partners or if you ship them like me then maybe more.)

After brunch she is dragged out by Ruby again to just lounge about the town or city. Weiss is saying that she should be doing tasks and Ruby is always responding with “nope” which leads Weiss to give up.

When dinner comes they go back and to Weiss’s surprise their entire group is there with presents, food, and a huge cake. They all scream happy birthday to Weiss and she starts crying. Past birthdays for her weren’t great and she has gotten used to smaller celebrations by her team, but seeing all those she considers family here, she breaks.

Gets all the hugs, Ice Queen deserves them.

Afterwards she just outright says-

“I honestly forgot it was my birthday, just thought everyone was being soft for no reason.”

Everyone is stunned but in the end everyone is laughing.

The rest of the night is a blast, everyone is having fun, Weiss roles her eyes at most of the presents or smiles genuinely. Just Weiss smiling the entire time because of pure joy. They get Sun to use a aura clone to take a picture of their entire group which is huge. That was using Velvet’s camera.

(Weiss treasures that photo like it’s more expensive than any jewel/gem one will find.)

As a last gift given by her team they all do a snuggle pile when they sleep. Yang holding all of them, Blake snuggling into Yang’s left side, Ruby either snuggling into Yang’s right side or Weiss, Weiss’s arms a little under Yang and just wrapping around far enough to just meet Blake, and Blake has her arm, like Weiss, going as far as it can.

It’s loving Weiss day and I wrote this as me showing how much I love her.

#weiss schnee #whiterose #rwby #team rwby #Happy B-Day Weiss #love the ice queen #I love her #my favorite character #loving weiss day #rwby weiss #rwby crew #found family

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thiswaycomessomethingwicked · 3 years

Note

How do you think the Grima and Saruman plot in Rohan would have gone down if Theodwyn had still been alive? Or Eomund? Or Edhild?

An interesting question! Though I think it’s one that’s almost impossible to answer simply because we know so little of the women.

Theodwyn, as a woman in Rohan already would have had limited access to direct political power. And, as a widow tending to her husband’s estate on behalf of her son, would likely not have been very present at court in Edoras. I suspect she would not have left Aldburg that often as she had the Marshallate to oversee and her children to raise.

The tl;dr is: I suspect her being alive would not have been relevant to the success or failure of Grima and Saruman.

Longer musings on Theodwyn, Elfhild and Eomund:

We know very little about Theodwyn save that she was Theoden’s sister and died of heartbreak after Eomund went and got himself killed. Indeed, we know basically nothing about her that is useful in determining how she might have intervened had she become aware of Saruman’s plans.

Personally, I don’t get badass powerhouse vibes from her, honestly. Which is totally fair and I don’t think every woman needs to be Eowyn-I-Am-Not-Like-The-Other-Girls Strong Female Character to be worthy of being considered interesting and dynamic. But yeah, I get a very passive vibe from Theodwyn. But that’s just my read on her.

Theodwyn and Elfhild suffer the way almost all women do in Tolkien’s world of having almost no story and zero characterisation. Lothiriel, Arwen to a lesser degree but still, Finduilas etc. are really nothing more than names. Which is frustrating! and it drives me batty.

For both Theodwyn and Elfhild all we know are names, who their male relatives are, and that they were able to make heirs for their husbands. All the important things, clearly.

Based on Eowyn’s position at court (and her deep frustration and anger about it), I think it can be safely argued that women don’t play a strong role in the political world of Rohan. Eowyn describes her life as being in a gilded cage - no real power, limited agency. I think that’s very telling of the role Theodwyn and Elfhild would have occupied.

Not to say that they wouldn’t have been able to influence and inform decisions made by their spouses, but they would not have been privy to war councils or the daily Politicking that Theoden and Eomund got up to. Men are clearly the dominant leaders in Rohan and the gender roles and expectations in this country run along a strict binary that favours a militarized hyper-masculinity.

While Elfhild and Theodwyn would have defended their homes when the men went to war (as Eowyn does in the books), it would have been only if no other “appropriate” man was present to taken on this role (again, as happens in the books. Though props to Hama, real MVP, and member of the Eowyn fanclub).

Any influence Elfhild or Theodwyn had over the decisions of Theoden or Eomund would have been behind the scenes and very much a “soft power” approach. And this is assuming their spouses were open to listening to them.

I know we all wish this wasn’t the case, and we want an Elfhild and Theodwyn who were super active and influential in the politics and manoeuvrings of their country - but based on the text, that probably wasn’t the case. It’s a fandom head-canon.

Now, all of this said, Elfhild being alive may have caused a bit of a hiccup or challenge for Grima exerting control over Theoden. However, Grima is very good at manipulating people and situations, so could possibly have undermined their relationship. We don’t know enough about Theoden and Elfhild as a couple to really determine how that would have gone.

Also, remember, no one really knew of Grima’s treason. When Gandalf went to warn Theoden in October of 3018 it was about the incursions and plans of Saruman. It’s unclear if he made any mention of Grima’s role in it. It can be interpreted that Eomer knew, or at the very least had suspicions, but otherwise I think we can safely assume, based on the text, no one else knew.

(Eomer can also be read as not having known at all; he was under house arrest because he threatened Grima with death in the king’s hall which is against the law. And that, it’s implied, was over Grima ogling Eowyn.)

Grima was seen as a trusted advisor to the king - if anything, Eilfhild may have leaned on him as her husband started “ailing” and become more and more unable to fulfill his duties as king. Theodred seems to have been fairly absent as heir so I don’t know how much of the day to day duties he was able, or willing, to undertake.

So, the dynamics of the court during Theoden’s witchcraft-imposed infirmity, may have been really interesting and not as black/white as it might come across at first blush.

As noted at the top, Theodwyn would have been managing the Third Marshalate until Eomer was of age, so she wouldn’t have been very present at court. And after he came of age, she would probably remain in Aldburg to help manage things while he was off seeing to his other duties and working to try and slow Saruman’s steady creep into Rohan. So, I don’t see her having lived after Eomund’s death heavily impacting anything. Also, like with Elfhild, we don’t know what the relationship was between Theodwyn and her brother.

So if just the two women had survived, not Eomund, I can see Elfhild more than Theodwyn posing a potential roadblock for Grima and Saruman. But, that’s only if:

a) she knew about, or suspected, Grima’s treason;

b) she and Theoden were close and they had a relationship that could weather whatever wrenches Grima would throw into the mix; and

c) she were the kind of person to take a very active political role to fill the void left by Theoden’s absence.

Like Theodwyn, we don’t really know who Elfhild was as a person. Was she the sort to try and take control of a situation? or was she more likely to have simply seen to her own duties and tended her husband without really getting involved (In the way that Eowyn tended her uncle as he “ailed” but didn’t get involved politically at court. But a wife has privileges a niece does not).

However, if Eomund had been alive that might have influenced events in a different way. Maybe. It would mean another member of the House of Eorl to contend with and neutralize, on Grima’s side. However, Eomund was hot headed and prone to doing really stupid shit without thinking and I suspect Grima could easily manipulate him into either a compromising situation or to ride to his death.

Eomund being alive would have freed Eomer up to focus more on his efforts against Saruman, which he wasn’t able to do to the degree he wanted to as Third Marshal (he laments about this to Aragorn when the four three hunters first arrive in Rohan).

Having the full family alive would also have provided an additional barrier/more people for Theoden to lean on making it more difficult for Grima to wheedle his way into Theoden’s head. It also may have changed the dynamic at court and kept Theoden himself more hopeful about the future which may have, in turn, informed Grima’s own decisions about how to approach the war with Sauron and its potential outcomes.

Grima gave into Reasonable Despair, which I suspect was partially fuelled by Theoden’s own personal misery about his aging, his perceived inability to rise to the occasion, his own despair at the future. That’s a contagious mindset. Despair is easy to fall into and it breeds more despair. Hope is hard. But, if you have a lot of people around who are relying on you, who are supporting you, who are helping you - that changes things entirely.

I suppose the long and short is: WhO kNoWs??? hahaha

I’m very sorry about the novel this became but thank you so much for the ask! I really enjoyed gaming things out and I hope it somewhat answered your question <3 <3

#love a good dissertation on Rohan #lotr #lord of the rings #rohan #eomer #eomund #theoden #elfhild #theodwyn #grima wormtongue #I hope people don't get too mad about my less than enthusiastic take on the women #i was trying to be realistic about it? idk

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k-she-rambles · 3 years

Text

Was talking about this to a friend today, SO! Here's how I would have written WW84:

Plot follows most of the same lines, I believe in canon welding. We meet Barbara, and we actually spend a little more time with her: Diana is less immediately dismissive, they have shared interests and a shared irritation with workplace assholery.

• It's Barbara who sticks up for Diana first. Even though Barbara is often ignored, and Diana is capable of chilling people with a glare/her dignity shuts down jerks quickly, FEMALE SOLIDARITY IS AWESOME, and we need a smidge more to establish Barbara's true nature before she jumps off the slippery slope.

• We get the establishing character moments and shots. Barbara is generous and kind, and notices things and people others ignore. Diana is lonely and has outlived her old friends. Having a Barbara who SEES her is very good for her. Max is Diet Trump who has finally been caught out, and is desperate to do something for his son to be proud of, and has landed on Use Magic Rock in order to turn all his lies and cons and shortcuts into something that works.

• Things proceed. Our mains make and get their wishes

• We omit Steve inhabiting some rando's life and body. "All I see is you" is cute and all, but no. I'm ashamed to say I had to have this pointed out to me, but like...THAT'S A REAL PERSON YOU'RE DRIVING. If it had been a lady we'd definitely be talking about this. "No one would object to sex with Wonder Woman" is a loser argument full of toxic masculinity, misogyny, and general ew. Enthusiastic informed consent??? Ring a bell??? < /rant>

• We also change up the fashion show. I get that it's a callback, but it needs more "Steve being excited and sometimes weirded out by modern textile technology and Diana just laughing SO much" kind of humor, and less Diana being a difficult to please mcjudgyface. The scene as it was didn't quite get their characters. Diana being delighted by Steve's delight (and slightly harried trying to keep him out of trouble) would have been better.

• BRUNCH. You know, Steve's list of things Normal People do when there is no war???

• As we go on, we lean more into the idea that Barbara has lost her kindness to her wish: she's dismissive of people she would have noticed before, and brushes off Diana (now that we've better established that she's a Really Good Friend). Her killing that creep is still her big turning point.

• As far as Diana's loss goes, we notice she has lost some of her super strength, but we don't make her weak --she's given up her POWERS, not her Amazonian nature. So she slowly loses her super healing, her ability to track bullets with her eyes, her super speed. But that still leaves her pretty badass, and an EVEN, not inferior, match to the newly Amazonian Barbara.

• Air and Space, the INVISIBLE JET, Cairo

• the movie makes it very clear that the lasso's power is inherent to the lasso, not to Diana. It's the power of Truth itself, and her integrity (learned as a child after Antiope reads her the riot act) is what allows her to wield it better than anyone else.

• But as we learn more about the dreamstone, and the goddess who created it, Diana stops using it of her own volition.

• because she can't face the truth that she will have to renounce her wish.

• so when the White House rolls around, Diana and Barbara are fairly evenly matched. Diana is still wounded from Cairo, but she has the advantage of training. Barbara is unskilled, but fresh and motivated. It's going to be a miserable draw, until they get broken up, and Barbara and Max escape.

• Steve uses the Lasso of Truth on them both, tying himself and Diana together, and, in a callback to Antiope's speech, reminds Diana that she went to fight Ares because of her integrity, because she couldn't let the world suffer when she had responsibility to do something, (and she freed Veld because she was there: the ability to do so gave her the responsibility to do so ((as a nice contrast to Superman, whose parents maintain that it's Not His Job, but if he takes it he'd better do it well))). He's...tbh, he's pretty upset about it. His life, bought with the suffering of the whole world? All the futures he died to save? He doesn't want any part of that, he believes Diana is better than that, he can't believe that Diana has been pulling an Achilles In Her Tent for however many decades. "Just this one thing I ask??" When there's a whole world out there of people and babies, and breakfast and future? She could have anything, anything but this that was his choice to give up.

• he is so glad to have had this time. But he's already dead, and Diana needs to let him go.

• Diana renounces her wish, and the rest proceeds like normal, strengthened by using the lasso on Max being the first time she's used it since making her wish.

• We still get the street festival, with the rando (who is, this time, just a rando), and with Diana genuinely mingling, just a bit.

#ww84 #ww84 spoilers #long post #wall of text #how i would write it #(pomposity ahoy)#wonder woman

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lebromaah · 4 years

Text

Kairos (Zoe X Kayn One-Shot)

Characters originally from League of Legends

Prompt: “I rely on you, so please rely on me!’

A/N: Hey all! Felt like it was time to exercise my inner writer. Hope y’all enjoy!

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Kayn could feel his magic gradually returning to him as he and Zoe ascend the cold steel stairs of the prison ship. Getting out of the Petrium cellars was seamless, resulting in the crew remaining unaware that one of their prisoners had managed to escape. And now, with the magic hungry architecture falling further and further away from them, they can make their getaway.

They reach the middle of the dark stairwell when Zoe calls out lowly behind him.

“Kayn!”

The assassin stops in his tracks, whipping his head back towards his comate.

“I can see your tattoos!” Her wide and hopeful smile lights up the space between them. “Do you have your shadow magic now?”

Kayn looks down at his arms, both clad with his rich, dark blue tattoos. Without wasting another second, he clenches his fists and watches as he wills his shadow to cloak the surface of his hands.

“I do,” Kayn answers.

Zoe gasps at the sight, being as shocked as she was relieved. She speaks quickly, yet quietly, with anticipation. “That means my magic’s back too! We can get out of-“

WUUUUUUUR! WUUUUUUUR!

The alarm resounding above them causes adrenaline to flood through Kayn’s chest from the split second of shock. What was the dark and gloomy metal stairwell was now one flooding with brilliant red light in between each of the shrieks of the ship’s security system.

Zoe doesn’t bother to speak discreetly as she exclaims in shock, “But, how!”

Kayn’s expression scrunches in anger, as it didn’t take him long to deduce how they got ratted out. He clenches his fist and turns his face away from Zoe. In a brief moment of rage, he curses at himself in a low voice.

“I knew I should’ve taken that filthy Noxian’s head.”

Somehow, Zoe picked up on his murmuring. “Wait, you didn’t ki-”

Before Zoe could complete her question, their eyes shoot up at the sounds of armor clad boots clamoring below them, then above them. This quickly brings Kayn back from his irritation and spurs him into action.

“Zoe!”

The teen meets his intense eyes head on, confident and knowing full well what to do next.

“Got it!”

She reaches deep within, pulling her magic from her mind’s eye to weave a portal from her fingertips. It didn’t matter where it took them, so long it was anywhere near their base camp. Heck, anywhere in Ionia would be fine! She brings her magic into existence-

-only to realize there was nothing there.

Her eyes dart between the empty space meant for her portal, to her bare hands wielding no magic. “W-what?!”

She looks to Kayn for an answer, only to be met with a gaze that’s more composed, yet just as befuddled as her’s. “Is your magic still not working?”

Zoe looks down at her hands, mortified at her predicament. “No... No... No!”

The next few seconds are spent with Zoe as she tries and tries, pulls and wills, and panics all the more when her magic fails to save them.

“Why?! Why won’t my stars or portals work?!”

Before she could try to will another portal into existence, Kayn grabs her forearm, firmly, but not aggressively. “It’s this.”

Zoe brings her attention to her arm, noticing a light marking wrapping around her small wrist. It glowed pale blue when she caught sight of it before she and Kayn watched as it dims to nothingness.

“Is… is it stopping my magic?” she asks anxiously.

“It might be a spell inhibitor,” Kayn replies after studying the marking and releasing her arm. “They must’ve branded you with it to prevent you from using magic if you so happened to escape. A fail safe —at least that’s my assumption.”

Just then, they hear the doors to the stairway opening above them, and not too long after, below them. Normally the assassin would have no trouble slithering out with his own umbral mode of travel, but this time it was different: he has another person to look out for. A person, he decided, he needs with him.

Kayn could count on one hand how many rescue operations he’s partaken in. And none of them were accomplished after he obtained his ultimate weapon. Killing and leaving was his go-to method of carrying out missions, not this. To top it off, and for the first time, he took Zoe’s mobile abilities for granted. In fact, it never crossed his mind that they wouldn’t have her portals once she was freed from the Petrium prison. Did her abilities become such a commonplace for him?

“I’m so sorry…”

The defeat in her words pulls Kayn away from his racing thoughts, bringing his attention back to the discouraged mage.

“You were right before; I’m completely defenseless when I don’t have my magic.” She balls her fists against the top of her thighs, her frustration slowly simmering to a boil. “The one and only time in days that my magic would actually help us, I don’t have it… I’m so sorry.”

In the year that Kayn has come to know Zoe, he could only remember one time he saw her so dispirited. Maybe twice, if he counted his little near death experience in Ixtal. At first, he scrutinized her positivity as innocence and naïveté. Sometimes even now, that’s absolutely the case.

It took time, it took experience, and it took learning, but Kayn realized that joy is but what is reaped from a confident soul. Now, to him, Zoe is the sun, and it’s only natural she would react with unstoppable glee and charm to the obstacles she encountered, whether they be good or bad.

Therefore, seeing her on her knees, her head lowered, and eyes shut tight in defeat made Kayn feel so… wrong. If that’s the right word. He recalled a similar feeling a while ago when she was disconsolate, and even now, it still felt so unnatural. Her countenance suddenly became so human, serving as a reminder that even the hosts of the Aspects were still entirely made of flesh.

Seeing her so dejected ignites a fire in Kayn’s spirit. He’d give anything to see her smile again - to have confidence in herself again. She messed up before, but he has too. Overtime, he realized he relied on her to make up for his worse mistakes. Or perhaps that mistake, which nearly led to his demise from what was Rhaast the Darkin.

That’s part of being human too, he guessed.

Kayn was never the type of guy to cheer people up, (that’s Zoe’s line of work) but he knew what he could do for her now. And that’s to be dependable.

To be her sun.

Kayn begins unholstering his blade, starting at the top to undo its buckles. The voices and footsteps grow closer to them, making Zoe’s chest tighten in response. She knew full well she put Kayn in this position. If she never strayed away from the camp, she wouldn’t have been captured. If she were more careful, she could’ve avoided that trap. If she were stronger, she wouldn’t need Kayn to come save her—

—she wouldn’t have become a burden.

“Have you forgotten who you're talking to?”

The sudden chill rolls down her spine, prompting Zoe to look up. She finds that Kayn’s blue, steel blade is unsheathed, it’s surface leaking with hungry shadow magic, ready to reap.

“I’m the leader of the Order of Shadow, protégé of former leader, Zed, and head of the Force of Gall in the Tri-Forces against the invasion of Noxus. I’m Sheida Kayn, and I’m not to be trifled with.”

Zoe is left agape as the dark assassin begins to take on his true form: the tattoos around his wrists begin to spread up his arms, then to his chest. His dark, tan skin grows pale and cold with deadly magic. Goosebumps ripples across her arms and her legs, causing her to shiver without realizing it.

“Over this past year, you offered your abilities to my cause, asking for nothing but my friendship in return. You saved my life from the being that was Rhaast, thus helping me forge my destiny to become who I am now.”

Using his blade, Kayn stoops up from his spot on the ground before taking his place in front of the breath taken Zoe. His back was to her now, each muscle flexing from his bold and tall posture as his tattoos begin to ink onto his shoulder blades. His hair had freed itself from his band, it’s substance becoming more like streams of conjury than strands of hair. With that, it hovers away from his body, giving Zoe an opportunity to glance at his form. It wasn’t the first time she has, and it surely won’t be the last. But at this moment, it felt different somehow, and before she could find out why, Kayn continues.

“What I’m saying is… I’ve come to rely on your strength, Zoe... So please...“

In a swift motion, Kayn parts his legs shoulder width apart, swinging his blade to his left side as he turns his head to the side lock his eyes with her behind him.

“...rely on me too!” He proclaims assuredly.

Zoe is left dumbfounded.

Just... what could she say to such bold words—to this born leader who’s begging her to put her faith in him? Just… why is he in any position to try to put on airs for her when she already knows how strong and capable he is?

Feeling lost, she brings her eyes away from Kayn’s face, not feeling quite ready to meet his gaze. Consequently, and within seconds, she drifts her attention to his strong form, noting his wide, sculpted shoulders, his broad, tall back, and his slender, yet masculine hips. The assassin’s dominant arm is clenched beside him as he grips his scythe, letting her catch a long glance of his tattoo clad triceps in their full, lean glory. There was no doubt, to Zoe that is, that Sheida Kayn is truly the most beautiful, yet most deadly man to behold.

And then, there was his gaze. Zoe finally brings herself to meet the boy’s stare. She could only see his left eye, as Kayn only turned his head halfway to meet her eyes, but it was all she needed to know why this was different. Even though she’s new to this “blue” version of Kayn, each time she saw him take this form, he only came off as cold, silent, and unfeeling. Almost like a true shadow following the will if it’s caster with no need to become feral on its own.

But this time, it’s different.

His consistently icy, cloudy, and nonexistent stare is now furrowed with grit, and hot with fierce determination. Kayn didn’t need to say anymore; Zoe understood.

This perfect killer means what he says. His aura steams with the ambition to prove it to her, even if he appeared mostly calm and collected: he was going to help her, despite the fact they’re about to be collapsed on from both sides. Despite the fact only one of them could fight. Despite the fact he told her before all this he would choose to complete his mission over saving her life if such a predicament came to be.

Overall, Zoe discovers the paradox of a cold killer who can boil over in passion. This edgy, cold boy could feel so much more than she gave him credit for. He was human, and could care for her as much, if not more, than himself. It’s no wonder, the hopeless teen concludes, she felt the way she did for him.

#Zoyn Oneshot #My writing #Zoyn #Zoe x kayn #the aspect of zaun #kairos means the propitious moment for decision and action #Just FYI

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noocturnalchild · 4 years

Text

SEALED IN MARBLE Chapter VII Tell Me Everything, Father

Warning : NSFW, a hint of FemDom ! Virgin!Garupe

His rosary beads went flying off his neck.

His rosary…

His rosary!

God of earth and heaven.

How did he… How did he forget his rosary under his habits?

Francisco thought this would be a simple dinner. In the precipitation of his actions, his mind preoccupied by the lies he prepared to tell, he forgot to pay attention. He didn’t think he had to take his clothes off, he was wrong. So wrong.

But now only Clarissa’s eyes mattered. With a glare that seemed inhuman, she stared and stared, surprise and shock slowly turning into rage and disgust. And he already felt sick, falling, he was feeling as if his soul was crucified, twisting on an abstract cross, again and again, without finding relief, painfully wringing and quivering in his body.

“These rosary beads are… I saw them… They belong to the Jesuit priests of…”

“I… Clarissa! I was about to tell you, I swear to God, I was about to tell you.” Garupe choked while talking. Voice small like that of a child.

“Tell me what?” You didn’t seem to understand yet. You pushed away a truth that was flagrant, denying reason for few more seconds, pushing the pain away, for few more little seconds. Vicente was a servant, just a servant, an unmarried servant that was just about to be yours. No, he can’t be. HE CAN’T.

He was falling and falling and falling.

With every second, every shake of your lovely curls, every swell of tears in your eyes, he was falling.

“Vicente… Tell me it’s not what I think, please, tell me.”

“Francisco” He swallowed his own tears, closing his eyes in shame.

“Francisco… Francisco!” You laughed, crying. You laughed madly, so madly you made him gasp, you made him worry for your sanity and he reached for you without thinking twice.

“Don’t you dare! Snake!” you spat out, slapping his hand.

Your world was falling apart, a mirror of lies, shattering and breaking in sharp pieces, wounding you in their burst.

Why?

Why would he be one of them? Of all men, why would he be a priest? A priest!

“Clarissa… I… please listen to me… I was going to tell you, I—“

How dared he speak again?

“Hypocrite!“ You yelled, “I knew you were all but muddy pigs, black vultures from hell! Murderers, schemers!”

You smashed an empty water bottle on the floor, glass spattering everywhere and Garupe gulped again, but in fear.

“Clarissa, I beg you to hear me out! just… please—“

“Shut up! Close that rancid mouth of yours!” You blurted out, anger blurring you vision. You saw red.

“I am going to tell your church of your shameful activities, if in hell I should rot, I swear to every god existing , if there is any, I will destroy you!” you panted. You were trembling all over, heart wild, wrath setting every nerve of your body on fire.

“Or is it the church that sent you?” you hissed in realization, more tears flowing “Is it those hordes of blood thirsty raptors? Finishing their work, they want to get me now? They are coming for his daughter now, aren’t they?” Your voice broke.

You felt poisoned. Liquid cyanide in your blood.

Francisco was shaking, head spinning. What were you talking about?

You didn’t seem to notice his twisted features, face contorted in pain and confusion, so lost in your own suffering and bitterness.

He didn’t know what to do, he hoped Miguel was still sleeping wherever he was. It was absurd, but that’s what Garupe hoped for now. For a child not to witness that ignominy.

“Clarissa—“ He said quiet, but a flying glass almost landed on his face and he pounced on you, stilling you in place. He didn’t want to hurt you, not for anything in the world. But then at that rate, he had no choice. He had to talk sense into you but first he had to calm you down, make you listen to him.

Your back thumped on the hard wall as you screamed.

“Bastard! I am going to ki—“

Suddenly his lips were on yours, as his arms held your body in a death grip. Forceful and rough, he didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know how to act, so he just kissed you. He had never kissed a woman before, and if he had ever imagined kissing a woman, it was never in that manner. But he kissed you, open mouth closing on yours, he kissed you with anger and pain and passion and all the desire he had retained for so, so long.

You stilled. You really stilled. The world blanked out for the moment of a heartbeat, the flutter of an eyelash, and the universe shrunk to its primal nothingness. Then a breath, then another, and another.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

He kissed you again and again, urgency in his movements, in his hands, his lips. He was everywhere, all around you, your whole universe. And you wanted to forget, just for a moment, forget who he was, forget what he did.

“I’m sorry” His shaky breaths came as urgent as his kisses. Because he didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know what to say, he just wanted you to forgive him, he just wanted you.

Your nails were painful on his chest as you reciprocated his kisses. Finally.

Oh he was sorry, you knew, but you weren’t, you weren’t for what you were about to do to him tonight. He could be theirs, but not tonight, he was yours tonight. Your anger and pain melted into nothing as the heat of him invaded your senses, everything merged into a desperate need, a flame that bloated into a wildfire.

“I’m sorr—“

“Shuuush… Come here, you are going to sin tonight, Father.” You panted, eyes dark like unfathomable seas as you violently pulled on his hand, leading him through your galleries up to your room.

The heavy wooden door closed with a thud behind your back as you leant on it.

“I can tell you everything.” Francisco breathed out.

“I said, silence.” You pushed him into the bed, into your crimson sheets, where you had wanted him for countless nights, pleasuring yourself at the thought of him. He looked divine; You let out a small laugh of satisfaction, fingers on your corset, freeing your waist from its confinement. With a deftness he found dizzying, you got rid of your heavy dress, and the ribbons that held your hair up.

You stood in your undergarments before him, like the portrait of sin, skin glowing and shiny with the sweat of your desire, breasts barely covered as you slowly crossed the few steps separating you from him.

Francisco clenched the satin sheets in his fists, heart hammering in his ribcage as you crawled on him, slowly unbuttoning that old ragged shirt he wore, your palm gentle on his abdomen, pushing him further into the depths of your bed.

He felt like he was swimming, surrounded by red waves, and you the sea siren, enchanting his senses, bringing him down, deeper. You hovered over him, your curls fell on him like a silky curtain, your hard nipples brushed his chest under your thin garments and he inhaled the scent of you.

Like the ocean. small white villages on the oceanside. Heat, children playing and women laughing and him, barefoot, running on the beach. Sunsets in the horizon and hundreds of ships, sailing far away, to lands of gold and glory. You smelled like home and he smiled, eyes closed as you nudged his nose, endless teasing before closing your lips on his again, savoring his taste. He shuddered and ground towards you as your tongue teased his, and when you sucked into it, into his red lavish lips, his moans echoed desperate and needy.

Outside, the leaves of your garden’s trees whispered and fluttered, and the moon was full in the starry sky. You inhaled, deep and shaky into his feverish skin. He smelled like old paper and perfumed wax, so monastic, a far reminder of his celibacy. You grinned to yourself, triumphant as his breath became shallower, urgency in his gaze as he devoured you under heavy eyelids. But you remained in control, tapping on his hands every time they wanted to grasp you. A part of you wanted to punish him, you wanted to show him who had the power over the other tonight. Tonight was for your pleasure, even if it was only this time, even if this was to be your only and sole union in flesh. But as you started tugging on his slacks, unwrapping his last layers of modesty, you saw terror and distress in his eyes .

“Clarissa, please… I’ve never… You should know.”

His eyes were like those of a deer, already knowing it has fallen deep into the hunter’s trap, begging, wide, sparkling, teary… beautiful.

Surprise flashed through your eyes for a second. Was he telling you that he had never slept with a woman before? You stilled your palms on his wonderful chest, heaving now with excitement and apprehension. Should you believe him this time? He had lied to you before, he had lied to you about everything, to be fair.

“You’ve never?” You crooked a brow, doubtful.

“Please,” he almost sobbed, “what should I do to make you believe me?” He closed his eyes, trying to gain some control over himself.

“You should have told me the truth from the beginning!” You fisted your hands on his chest, leaving hot red marks on his skin. You shouldn’t have let him talk. He looked so sincere now, so vulnerable, and God, why was he a million times more beautiful like that?

“ I couldn’t… I couldn’t… you should know that I couldn’t…!” he swallowed painfully, trying to ignore how your hips were still grinding into his aching cock.

His hands reached slowly to take yours and you let him this time, breath unsteady as they eclipsed yours, warm and so masculine.

“I… It is not the Church Clarissa, it’s just me, I needed the money… I had to… Then I saw… you.”

“Hush now.” You said softly. His words were what you wanted and dreaded to hear at the same time. Somewhere, in the darkest corners of your soul, you wanted him to be the evil one, the liar, the vicious priest, you wanted to be right, always right. You wanted to dismiss the feelings that were seeping free again. You wanted to make this about pleasure, since you knew, anything more than that and your heart would be the only one paying the expenses. But now… you didn’t know anymore.

“Please stop talking…” You whispered, as you freed your hands to comb on his luxuriant mane, fingers detangling the knots there.

“Hush, close your eyes for me, Francisco.”

And he did, you didn’t have to ask twice. He was telling you the truth, you knew it suddenly as a tear rolled down his cheek, leaking from his closed eye. You leaned in to kiss it, and you kissed his eyelids, the ridge of his nose, his upper lip then his cheeks, his jaw… and when you bit his lower lip, his hands clutched your waist through the linen of your clothes and he thrusted up, legs shaking with want.

“You can take it off… Father.” Your voice barely there as you nibbled on his earlobe and guided his hands to the hems of your undergarments. Francisco’s body was barely holding back, eyes still closed, he focused on the sensation of his hands on your bare thighs, as he slid the thin clothing up, up, up… When your body was finally freed of its last constraint, he opened his eyes and his breath hitched in his throat .

Sweet Jesus.

He had never seen such beauty before. For long seconds, he stilled, eyes taking in the sight before him. You were glowing, silky curves and valleys on display as you smiled down at him. Francisco was suddenly afraid to touch you. He felt ignorant, small, unrefined as his eyes roamed the swell of your breasts, the smoothness of your belly and the nook of your… sex.

So different, this was so different from the guilty glimpses he sometimes took of nude statues of goddesses that decorated the palaces and gardens he visited. Cold white marble, it was just cold marble and his only poor knowledge of the female body. But you… now, before him, radiant with heat and arousal, flesh and skin offered to him, eyes daring him to touch you, to take you, to make you his…

God have mercy.

You were amused to see him, awestruck and clueless, palms flat on your thighs and eyes wide, lips parted.

“Come here, you poor thing.” You laughed seductively as you tugged on his hands, lifting him up to meet your body, overheated from endless teasing and impatience. Your mouth found his neck as you pushed your breasts into his hands. He whined, your tender nipples hardening against his fingers, and instinctively, he squeezed, making you moan into his mouth.

God.

You looked up, into the fire in his eyes, and smiled, as if to say “that’s nothing compared to what’s coming, Father”. And as you started to roll your hips again, he felt it this time, the wetness between your legs, the proof of your passion, coating his engorged sex, and he knew he was lost.

Your lips left his neck with a sticky pop. You were sure to leave your mark on his divine body, as you tugged on his hair and made him shudder with sinful pleasure.

“Look at me Francisco.”

His eyes instantly fell on yours, ready to take anything you wanted to give to him. Like a love sick fool, he was waiting, his hands flexing greedily on the expanse of your back, descending hesitantly to take more. He was still wondering if he would last more than the next five minutes. He didn’t want to disappoint you, he wanted to please you, oh so much, he wanted to make up for everything he had done to you, for every single lie. Was this ache in his heart what they called love? Was he in love with you? What was the difference anyway, he was lost, not only in the wonders of your body, but lost to himself, in himself. He was entering unknown territories, ones he had never wanted to enter, never wanted to know. Trepidations, anxiety and heartache. He had never wanted this, but feeling you now, watching you move on him, looking into your eyes, touching your hot skin, waiting for a word from you rosy lips, God, he understood now… He understood how men lost their faith for love, how they lost themselves for a woman, how they lost their minds…

“I want you to touch me there.” You breathed in his mouth, as you took his hand and splayed it on your sex.

“H-how… do—“ He was truly lost. But somehow nothing seemed more tempting than to touch you there, nothing seemed more perfect than to pleasure you there, he wanted to know how to do it properly, he wanted to make you sigh and moan his name. It was instinctive, his fingers were naturally drawn there, exploring your secret lips as you moved your hips to let him in.

As you changed position, his throbbing cock twitched against his abdomen, proud and thick with need, seeking your attention. The head was already leaking pearly precum, and the pained look on Francisco’s eyes told you of his efforts to keep himself from finishing right there, as his fingers soaked and indulged in your juices. His breaths were coming ragged and short and he was whispering incoherent words (or were they prayers?) as he buried his nose in your collarbone, avidly inhaling your scent. You had never thought that the sight of such poor unexperienced man would arouse you so badly. You wanted to show him, you wanted to make him feel good, appease him now. With tenderness blooming in your heart, you shoved his fingers away.

“You first.” You caressed his hair, seeking his attention.

“Mhm… Please… I’m sorry…” He managed to stutter.

“Open your legs for me, Father” Your low voice sent shudders down his spine.

He hesitated, face red, limbs buzzing with electricity.

“Don’t be shy now, beautiful thing.” You leaned, left a kiss on his head and he jolted, hips bucking to meet your mouth, as he sucked in a deep breath. You parted his legs further, you wanted to see everything. He was really well endowed, you admired, beautiful everywhere.

“Breathe, Father, you can take this.” You patted his thigh and lowered your mouth, eyes always locked with his to seek his permission. He swallowed and threw his head back on your crimson pillows, his Adam’s apple bobbing, and his hands sweaty, fisting your sheets.

You started slow, peppering light kisses on his length. With the tip of your tongue you wetted the underside of it, from the base to the tip. You hummed at the salty taste, your core tightened around a void, and you huffed with edginess. You straddled his thigh then, and moaned as your cunt rubbed on the firm muscle. Once settled and able to take the edge off, you took him in the heat of your mouth and started to suck, rhythmically with the undulations of your hips on his thigh.

Francisco chocked and gasped, spasmed under you. Jesus, he had never felt such a sensation before. His rough fist paled before the wet and smooth insides of your pretty mouth, showering his most intimate parts with care. His eyelids fluttered, as the doors to heaven opened behind them. God, it felt so good. He never knew it was in the power of a human to make another feel that good, almost too good to handle, and he struggled with his will to restrain himself, as your lips closed tight around him, hummed and moaned around him, he did the same, loud and shameless now.

“God… oh… God, please… sweet child, more… m-hhore”

“There” you stopped to catch your breath, mouth swollen and red, spit glistening on your enflamed lips. You returned to the task, sucking hard and fast on his head, as you fisted his base with one hand, and toyed with his balls with the other. You worked with purpose now, passion in your movements, heat coiling in your core, conscious of your cunt drooling on his thigh, his meaty cock filling your mouth deliciously, his moans music spurring you on, undeniable proof of his pleasure.

He was close to his release now, the familiar pool of liquid heat running through his veins, sending waves of shock through his body. His thighs began to spasm and he tried to warn you, too ashamed and innocent to know that him spilling in your mouth was exactly the thing you desired, that wanting to taste his seed in your mouth was the ultimate sign of your desire and infatuation…and love. He was soon to learn that, as you protested in a moan, and gripped him harder, worked faster and he lost all control.

God in heaven.

Francisco thought he was ascended to the ninth heaven, magnificent golden light exploding behind his shut eyes, as he spent into your hot mouth… ropes of his seed, thick and abundant, coating your lips and dribbling over your chin, as your nostrils flared and your chest heaved. No sound emitted from him, too spent to utter a word, too spent to remember how to breathe, too far gone in the aftermath of his pleasure.

You sighed as you watched him, pride swelling in your chest. You had wanted him for so long. Tortuous endless nights of hot wet dreams and solitary pleasure, and now, admiring the sight before you, you knew, he was endlessly yours. No church, no misunderstandings and no barriers, human or godly, would ever make it less true. He was yours.

“Pleased?” you rubbed his belly, helping him recover, as sweat beaded on his brow, the last remnants of his high dissipating.

“It was… so goo—hd… more than good… was… j—hust… ” Words failed him as he managed to smile, dimples gracing his cheeks, hands already seeking for you.

“Come, come here, child.”

You kissed him sweetly on his inner thigh before you obliged.

“Can I make you feel the same…? I mean is it possible?” he asked sheepishly.

“You are a silly man, Francisco” you laughed and crawled on him, kissing your way up.

He laughed awkwardly, wondering if he earned the label.

“Of course you are going to make me feel good too, just with those wondrous fingers” you took two of his thick, long fingers and put them into your mouth, wetted them nice before bringing them to your sex again, “Remember how to use them?”

He nodded and wrapped one arm over your waist as his fingers delved into the velvet of your cunt, swollen and so ready now. You guided him with praise, as you rutted into his palm. He was naturally talented, seeking and flickering your folds artfully. You had awakened his senses to the pleasures of the flesh, and he understood his effect on you, as you writhed in his arms, as your teeth bit on his nipples, as your mouth expelled languid moans. He found your entrance and a gasp of surprise left his parted lips.

“Yes… You are almost there. Inside, I want you inside…”

“There?” He asked in his deepest voice, making you shudder.

“Ye—ees” You nudged his nose, foreheads touching as his hot breath fanned your lips.

His fingers easily slipped into your slick heat, moving experimentally, rubbing your walls in and out, slowly. You didn’t expected him to know, yet… but god if he wasn’t blowing your mind just trying.

“Can you… mhmm yes… Can you move like that for me?”

You guided his fingers all the way out to your clitoris and back inside you.

“Like that but faster, please?” you moaned at the end of your sentence, your sweet priest already on task.

His strong diligent digits worked you with devotion, pinched brows as he focused on bringing you to orgasm, and soon enough your walls started to clench around them, as your whole being reached for him.

“Please… Please.. Please…”

He was dizzy, didn’t even know what you were begging for, but oh how he wanted to deliver…

Please be with me

Please stay after

Please love me

Please

I forgive you.

Your soul chanted, your vision shattered and you cried out his name, whole body quivering upward, mouth trying to catch his, fingers holding on to his strong shoulders as you climaxed high, so high.

“Did… Did I hurt you?” Francisco was utterly terrified. He stopped his ministrations, two thick fingers stilled deep inside you.

Poor innocent man.

You laughed in your haze and shook your head lazily.

“No, silly. No.” You whispered softly, head finally resting on his chest “You made me feel so good, and when a woman feels so good in her lover’s arms, she lets him know… loudly…” You sighed. He was so endearing as realization hit him, and he blushed further, as if it was even possible.

You slowly moved his fingers out of you, kissed them gently.

“Goodness… Are you here, for real, with me?” He spoke softly, body slack in the afterglow. He didn’t have the strength to linger on his acts for now, he allowed himself to just feel, touch, breathe, live in the moment, with you.

“Does this feel real?” You pinched his pec and he recoiled, surprised.

“Ow!”

“So?”

“It does!”

“And this?” You kissed his lips, achingly slow.

“It does…” He exhaled, low into your lips.

“Good. Now tell me everything, Father.”

#garupe #father garupe #adam driver #francisco garupe x you #smut #loss of virginity #male virginity #this is a love story #sexy time with father garupe #silence 2016 #fan fiction #adam driver fan fic

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