#and that makes me happier than I think ppl realize
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ningningkittie · 6 months ago
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🦨💭
#even if idk what's going on#it FEELS like i've lost him as a friend. even if he said that like oh you're my friend or whatever. it doesnt feel like it#we havent talked as often lately (not my choice........) anyway and now .. bruh this last week has been AWFUL.#now idek if and how we will talk. like i feel like he doesnt want me annoying him. so i cant even use sending pics of my cat or asking him#random things as an excuse to talk because like... i feel awkward#i've gone from feeling 90% comfortable with him to like 10% lmaoooo#i just feel like he is bothered by me and that i annoy him and i feel stupid and awkward talking to him#so like.....now when idek if we are friends or how we talk#i cant suddenly be like hiiiiii the rain reminded me of you hiihihihihi#not talking to him even a little makes me miserable#but he isnt replying and i dont know what is going on with any of it with him and me so idk#also ://#i cant help but freak out bc of him not following me anymore bc that means that there will be MORE distance between us#i will become even less and less present in his life and world. he will start forgetting me more and more. he will realize that the world#without me is better!!!! he will spend more time andbe more attentive towards everyone else and realize that not having me close is much#better. and that his life is happier and better without me close by T-T plus it's...#i cant lie... it makes me jealous that he had favorite blogs and mutuals who arent me 😭😭#and all of them are better than me in every aspect...... 😭#this will only make the gap between us bigger and he will forget about me!!!!!!!! 🥲#little by little he is reducing the amount of me in his life and since it'll be better he'll keep going until im out of it completely#im gonna die just thinking about it bc i know i know that i dont bringANYTHING good into ppl's lives and im just lucky that it lasts at all
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butch-himbo-king · 1 year ago
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honey just start a side blog to talk about those things if you want to talk about them 🧡
i know this is the obvious answer but believe it or not i simply have what you might call side blog related trauma lmfaooo isn’t the internet a wonderful place
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crackshipguardian · 6 months ago
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Second reblog bc actually I have more thoughts
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If you can't remember (cuz I've only drawn him once) my Au!Walter has a WereWolf (WereHound?) curse and he hides from everyone every full moon
To bad he can't find the words to tell little Woodie about their shared curse. Not without a way to break it
#they are both so afraid of being alone again#Walter is the first adult in Woodie’s life that hadn’t immediately written him off bc of his curse and really engaged with his interests#let alone both!#Woodie is probably desperate to get/keep his approval and terrified of driving him off by being ‘too much’ or too monsterous#consider Woodie getting extremely triggered by the phrase “put him/it down” bc even though the idea of killing him to get rid of the curse#was shut down by the adults around him growing up#it was still suggested and that was very traumatizing for him#and oh boy Walter is trying his best to be the best parent to Woodie he can be#and he knows he should accept Woodie’s curse for what it is#but he can’t help but wish he could free Woodie from it#bc not only has Walter had his own terrible experiences with having a similar curse but also#he can see how traumatized Woodie is from how people have treated him bc of it#and Walter hates himself for the chance he might lose control and hurt the ppl he cares about bc his curse#and the idea that Woodie might fall into the same cycle of self-hatred is killing him#and he’s terrified of Woodie not only finding out abt his cause and thinking he’s dangerous#but also finding out the lengths he takes to hide his curse bc if Walter’s so ashamed of his own curse#what does that say abt how he sees Woodie when he has such a similar curse?#such an emotionally charged subject for the both of them#I like to think Walter freaked the fuck out when he realized he was Woodie’s parent now#terrified less of the parental responsibility and more of the chance of failing to be the role model Woodie deserves#then he vents abt it to Webber like ‘I am not cut out for this someone’s who’s better at this should be taking care of him not me’#Webber: ‘well he didn’t choose someone else. he looks up to you yknow?’#Walter: ‘/why though/‘#he cannot imagine someone wanting him to be their parent#but also being Woodie’s parent and spending time with this bright funny kid who’s as interested in nature as he is makes him happier than#he’s been in a long time. maybe ever#and he’s so afraid to lose that and he’s so afraid of Woodie hating him
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noxtivagus · 2 years ago
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hmmm i wna write
#🌙.rambles#T_T how many times do i speak of wants and how many times do i even reach out to them? hdkfajsdfl that said tho i find it interesting how#yk personally for me in doubt there i can find certainty. in silence we can find answers that speak more than words could at times#and we can realize the meaning of life when faced with death#idk all those r pretty obvious in a way bit i like pondering on them a lil deeper n. it's beautiful to me. perhaps rather bittersweet#it's 5 am n i shld be asleep this is likely to be a mess n i'm not gna make any sense hdfkajsdlkfsdj oh my god wtf am i saying#it's in my head the sentiment the sort of color of this thought but i can't write it!! this sucks#i'm a mess rn these r just random musings from a stressed sleep-deprived girl ok#read a belial fic from one of my favorite writers on this site n hdfjalkdfjd OKAY THAT PUT ME INTO EVEN MORE OF A MESS#n so i've been thinking of a lot more stuff too n oh dear my cramps r killing me i am rambling so much at this hour but#made me think about how yk i rlly love characters like that. those that r rather tragic. there's smth so bittersweet abt them#i like a lot of kinds of characters but those too me r really special in a way!!#one time of sad characters i like r those. yk those kind ones#the ones who help n listen n give to others but when it comes to accepting love n something soft for their own self.. Nah#that sort of.. pain is smth that touches me a lot probably bcs i'm similar. i find myself v drawn by it#wishing these characters were real in a way too so i cld. help them in a way. not rlly in a way that i'm responsible for it or its my duty#but. something that makes me so happy is seeing ppl i love. improve n get better. happier. they deserve it so much n#it makes me really happy to even just. contribute even just a little to it. even if i'm not. idk the sun of the sky. not the 1st or fav wtv#even if i'll just be the shadow or the ghost or forgotten n left behind i'm happy enough. w that#i'm crying i shld've wrote this in my notes instead there r sm words in my head that i can't say here#oh fuck#is this one reason why that one song made me so emotional#recently i have been.. denying myself haven't i? hiding. burying my own wants. can't reach out.#i don't fucking understand it's not like i never particularly lacked when it comes to.. yeah? growing up i#no wait it's.. not as simple as that there's a lot of factors i know affect me here. it's a bit overwhelming n.. it hurts.#i can't write anymore here goddamn it i'll write to myself sm words fuck but i'll write them to myself i've alr said more than i should hav#maybe being so used to fiction affected me negatively in a way bcs it seems i can't wholly n completely accept the.. no wait thats enough;;#it hurts but.. i will i absolutely will keep all this to myself. even if it suffocates me inside. i can't. i can't do or. have that#this is a painful realization smth i mentioned earlier's how i wrote the uh. 'reader' YK YH in that story two years ago lmfao 'starlit sky'#& my wol.. my wol is like that. my main oc too. who's basically my self-insert. no way. no fucking way i hate this
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her-favorite · 4 months ago
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✧*̥˚ matt sturniolo *̥˚✧
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Your front door clicks as it shuts, signaling that your boyfriend was here. A smile automatically takes over your lips as you see him enter your living room. Your cat jumps from your lap and dashes over to him.
“Hey, baby!” Matt smiles as he walks closer. But before you could answer, he picks up your cat and holds her close. Matt keeps your pet tightly against him as he hugs her, using his free hand to pet his large palm over the fluffy cat.
“Wait, were you talking to my cat?” You furrow your eyebrows with a smile as you ask. Matt always had a soft spot for your pet. Your cat, Quinn, was originally an extremely closed off cat.. besides to you. Whenever someone came over, she’d hide away until they left or would completely avoid being near the guest. But as soon as Matt would frequently visit, Quinn made it her mission to let Matt know that she liked him. And Matt couldn’t have been happier.
“Duh.” Matt smiles as he walks over to you on your couch. Plopping himself down beside you, he stretches out his legs as he lets Quinn curl up on his lap.
“And, here, I thought my boyfriend was happy to see me.” You say teasingly as you watch the pair, smiling. It was undeniably adorable the way your cat trusts Matt. When you had told the boy about Quinn being shy, he had immediately swooned when he realized that she had taken a liking towards him. From then on, Matt made sure to reciprocate.
“C’mon, baby,” Matt tsks as he smiles, his palm gently smoothing down your cat’s fur. “She’s just too cute.” He coos as his free hand moves up to cover his mouth. The action make you chuckle, your heart fluttering at the soft display. The way Matt treated your pet only made you love him more; he always made sure that Quinn got enough attention (though, you gave her enough for a lifetime), had enough food in her bowl and played with her with all of her toys.
“I think you love my cat more than me.” You tell him playfully, your eyes captivated by the sight in front of you instead of focused on the tv like you had been moments before. Your words were a joke, you both knew that, but you always had fun teasing Matt about it.
“Shut up,” Matt giggles. Soothing a hand over her fur again, he glances over at you. “No one could ever replace you.” He says softly, his tone lowering slightly as it shows his honesty. It makes your heart flutter again as you reach a hand out to gently rest on his cheek.
“You’re such a sap.” You smile as you lean forward to kiss him softly. Once you pull away, he reciprocates your smile tenfold.
“Only for you.”
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.  . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆
why can’t some of the ppl on here deal with the fact the triplets say they’re sober like 😭? “they’re lying!!” whateverr!!!! literally who gives a shit. you guys can make your own fics about chris being a dealer or smoking smth w/ matt, but why do you guys push this agenda that they like.. have to do that shit. let these 20 y/o’s liveee lmaooo
anywayy reallyyy small blurb bc i wanna get back into writing genuine one-shots so i’m just posting this instead of letting it rot in my drafts
@mattybsgroupie <33
≈☆≈
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retroaria · 2 months ago
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₊˚⊹♡ …Love, Love, Love… ₊˚⊹♡
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blue lock boys and how they’d describe their love for you!
cw: dramatic descriptions of affection, i think maybe there is a bit of implied personality for all of them, but honestly i’m sure you’re all lovely ppl and will still resonate with it!!
BLUE LOCK M.LIST | enjoy 🪽 -aria | isagi, bachira, kaiser
⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ ⋆౨ৎ˚
𝜗𝜚 Isagi Yoichi
One day Isagi realized that if he could spend the rest of his life in the gentleness and warmth of your presence, he doesn’t think he could ever be truly unhappy. Then, as if his last thought had been the missing piece to why his heart burned so hard for you, he realized he was in love with you. Humans are human, he knows this. He knows that there’s no such thing as a perfect person, no one who could truly do no wrong, and he uses this to justify his boundless admiration of you.
He doesn’t care if it’s unfair to see you as the exception, the only person who genuinely is perfect. He knows he isn’t, but here you are, allowing him to bask in your grace. Every word you say and every action you take has a lighthearted nuance to it, an irrefutable sense of joy, it pulls him in until all he can see when he looks at you is a literal angel. When Isagi realized he was in love with you, he swore he would do everything in his power, for the rest of his life, to protect the ethereal light that showers over you, so long as he could bask in it alongside you. Your peace, your happiness, your sense of wonder, he wanted to watch it all flourish forever and ever. And so, he follows your lead, he listens when you speak, he validates your purpose, and he lets you be exactly who you are and who you want to be. Nothing has to change for him, he knows he can’t get any better than perfect.
𝜗𝜚 Bachira Meguru
When Bachira and you first started dating, he was overwhelmed by the feeling of acceptance that had once been so foreign to him. It felt as though you and all your love for him had encased his mind, body, and soul in a world he had never known before. After some time, Bachira realized that it was your world he had been consumed by. A world devoid of cruelty and all the things he had not yet forgiven, though now, maybe he could. If every moment of his life lead him on the path where one day he would stumble into your universe of love and light, he would endure it all again a million times over, knowing he’d come out the other end happier than ever.
He submits to you in a way that is wholly transparent. Bachira gives you all of him, never faltering in insecurity or shame like he may have before. He can’t help but flutter when you commend him for being so himself around you. How could you not see it? How could you hold the key to the greatest thing that’s ever happened to him and still be so blissfully unaware? It’s adorable, he decides. A testament of your undeniable benevolence and tenderness towards him. He’ll spend the rest of his life thanking you for letting him into your world, where he could unfold before you and be loved as he is.
𝜗𝜚 Michael Kaiser
Kaiser had taken you for naive when you first met, he thinks about it now and curses himself for his arrogance. What if he had let your love pass him by? If memory serves him right, he was a shell. A cold, shitty shell of a man guarding the heart of a boy that never was. It was pathetic, truly, but you never seemed to think so. There was who Kaiser saw himself as deep down, and who he knew others saw him as. The two may have been different in regard to their perspectives, but they both concluded the same thing; he was an asshole.
But you were a deviator. You took every word he said and every terrible thing he did as a reflection of all he’d ever known, you saw him in a completely different light. “Michael, why won’t you let me in?” those words still make him dizzy to this day. It was a loaded question, one that you weren’t afraid to ask. It provided him with a new piece, an unexplored path. And so, he let you in, giving you the chance to turn all he’d ever known on its head, and teach him something new. There was what Kaiser thought he knew about himself, and what others thought they knew about him, but then, there was what you fully understood about him. Which then turned into all the things you loved about him, things that he hadn’t ever seen in himself. You didn’t change him, you embraced him. Your embrace was so tight that it cracked the shell he hid within and let your love seep in. He realized he wanted to stay in that embrace forever, and it became clear that he loved you.
⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ ⋆౨ৎ˚
i got a little lazy with kaisers at the end i’m sorry 😞 this would’ve been too much to do a lot of characters in one post so if you want to see this prompt with other characters please request and i will do them!!! MY REQUESTS ARE OPEN ❤��
⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ ⋆౨ৎ˚
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koolades-world · 7 months ago
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Hihihihi, in case ya remember me, im the Pain-sensitive anon, and in case i will request again remember me as BigS, because my requests are as big as my S, but enough about that.
Poor you, so many requests. Drink water, be stronger that those 637181 requests, don't let them kill you!!!
But im here to torture you with another one~
So i have an album with 3814 Asmodeus screenshots(I FKIN LOVE MY BOYFRIEND!!!), and i had an idea "dam, if Asmo became real, it would be very hard to explain why i have 4k pics with him... " So here is request!
Brothers, finding out that MC's new hyperfixation is... them?
Apparently MC is neurodivergent or something like that, and as many neurodivergent ppl, they have a hyperfixation! They just randomly becoming very interested in something specific and collect stuff with it, talk with everyone about it, and remember every single detail about it! Like Levi with TSL.
But one day, brothers realise that MC stopped talking about their past fixation and was less interested with it. They think that "Oh, they probably just found something new!". But one day, they take MC's phone just to find that... They have a giant album in their gallery that is dedicated only to him????
The album has every photo he posted on Devilgram, every photo that he send MC, some unique photos that MC shooted themselves, even some chat screenshots with times when he said something cute to them! They even was photographing thigs that "reminds of him". Like some cheeseburger with "Beel vibes", Blue flower that "Looks like Luci" or gorgeous mannequin that "feels like Asmo".
If its someone like Asmo, he would also notice thta MC started buying their fanclub's merch! Like "Asmo lover #1" shirt or "Lucifer best man!!"cup(Luci is very popular, he probably also has some fanclubs! i hate this guy tho)
I think Levi and Mammon would die from embarrassment. Asmo would die out of happiness and Satan with Luci will try to pretend like thay never saw that. and idk about other ones. :P
I think that would make a cute fluff and a very scary situation if it was real uwu
Thats all
Have a nice dayyyyyyyyyyyy~~~
-BigS aka.AlgophobicDude
hey! great to hear from you again :)
haha thank you! been slowly knocking out requests one at a time and let me tell you it's a lot more fun than it might look haha
i wrote this while wearing a pink cowboy hat. i just wanted to share that
you got it! enjoy!!
Mc with a hyperfixation on the brothers
Lucifer
is this a human thing?
he's happy to indulge you as long as you're not too loud about it out in public
especially please don't share those pictures with anyone, like mammon. he will sell those, especially the ones he only intends for you. please
he's happy you don't hate him, actually. you make this old man very happy haha
Mammon
he would never tell you, but he's also got a photo album dedicated to you
also has a note on his D.D.D. full of all the things he never said to you but hopes to be brave enough to one day to tell you
he doesn't tell you he's got that though, not in a million years
he really loves that you're hyperfixated on him because that just means you care about him just as much as he cares about you
Levi
as expected, he's very flustered
he knows what it's like to have a little blorbo and he would give anything to be able to see them daily in person and live with them
he's over the moon once he realizes this and despite his embarrassment, he pushed through to spend more time with you
he's so dedicated <3
Satan
he's probably the most puzzled
he's always learning new things about humans even when he thought he knew everything
he knows and trusts you so from time to time, he'll take a picture with you in mind that he knows will remind you of him
all in all, he does think it's a little strange but won't stop you since he's never seen you happier
Asmo
like they said, you're literally about to become the number one member of his fanclub!
lucky for you, once he finds your asmo photo album, he's feeding into your hyperfixation
you get lots of exclusive privileges, such as early morning selfies and all his merch for free, including prototypes
he's always ready to pose for a picture for you. every side is his good side!
Beel
he's a little confused but he's happy to make you happy
he listened to you talk about your hyperfixations the most beside levi so he's quick to pick up on this shift
to make you happy, he decides to make a handmade adult bib just for you haha and at first he's a little sad but then he finds it while digging for your snack stash
you've never worn it once because it's hanging in your closet next to your fancy outfits <3
Belphie
you what? is his initial reaction
from the outside, it seems like it doesn't bother him or that he could care less
but, on the inside, he's elated since he thought after how he tricked you, you'd never want to be close to him again
now, you're the very thing that makes you excited to wake up every morning by his side
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jewishregulus · 8 months ago
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i could talk for hours abt regulus being a college drop out like it just fits him so well. I’m sorry i know the public will disagree but no one gets him like i do. he thinks he has to go to uni and get a degree bc it’s what hes supposed to do but honestly ? he doesn’t like it he wants to learn at his own pace w his own structure he wants to explore the world he has barred himself from for so long . like i love fics where reg drops out and gets like a sugar daddy just to have the money to go to the fanciest art museums across the world and look through them at his own pace….. free from his parents to do what he wants in his own way, not in theirs ….. my sweet angel boy
so many ppl think that regulus like genuinely wants to be like his parents and do what they do and that!! is so wrong…. even in canon…. yes he willingly joined the D.E but it’s bc he didn’t realize he could do anything else … why would he think abt anything else ???? he doesn’t have any other life this is his only option. so he will live in denial abt how much he actually wants it. he’s alicentpilled in that way (those who know know)….
that’s why the moment regulus realizes he’s unhappy he literally kills himself instead of trying to rebel: he doesn’t think he Can rebel. this is his only option. if he is miserable living like this than living will just be miserable. he only has one other thing to do and that would be to die.
anyways back on topic Soz but i don’t like it when reg like owns a business or still gets his masters or a phd or something like to me that doesn’t feel like him … i’m a big fan of sirius n reg ending up in the opposite of spots as to where their parents expected. his parents thought sirius would end up poor and uneducated doing odd jobs for cash and regulus, their puppet child, would end up rich and successful making connections and such…. and then it turns out sirius gets an education and proves himself as capable of being something without them, and regulus let’s go of his parents standards of living. sirius is designing his business cards while regulus is smoking weed in the back of barty’s fuck ass car . they are both at peak happiness. regulus gets to live his own life.
sirius proves to himself he is worth something and capable outside of his family, that he can succeed without them, that he isn’t going to fall from grace without them, and regulus proves to himself that the fall from grace isn’t much of a fall, and that he’s happier with the people he loves than with the career his parents wanted for him. that’s my vision
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pensbridge · 5 months ago
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This is going to be my only post I ever do THIS. It needs to be said (if even only for me). Be warned. (& I'm totally being a little funny & unserious with my words, but I also mean it). but really I just need to be so silly for a moment..
I've been in some fandoms and every fandom goes through this, but...There's no fandom on earth that quite literally walked in with no changes to the picture of the Community meme like the Bridgerton fandom. yayyy! we made history again We are the exact same picture, because it wasn't that bad! I can nearly guarantee you, people noticed the quality change, but it literally wasn't bad like you say! Some of us truly stumbled in here like wtf, and still haven't gotten the answer. Stumbling into Part 1..was stressful, but Part 2 was actual insanity!
like, I honestly don't think some people watched it all the way (i saw something about ppl finishing in 2 hours)! If they even went back, who knows?! But the takes are just literal fables!
I actually think the blind trolls coming back from the dead & thin air for part 1 have deluded some of you into thinking that part 1 was bad (it wasn't; it was good), and as a result made you think that part 2 was worse than it is. I totally respect your differing opinion, but you're wrong!
There are 2 real "issues" with this season and the other stuff is artificial grass.
#1 The lack of happy couple moments that get replaced by boring side plots (part 1 was actually enjoyable to me, but this one I actually almost fell asleep watching Benedict before I was awoken by his bi awakening). But to be frank, it's always been an ensemble, and I find it funny that people forget: People bitched about polin season 2; they bitched about Penelope since season 1.
The fact that they don't get a full episode 8 of being happy in love was criminal (but i will admit my wrong expectation, because this is Bridgerton (what else is there to expect, lol). However they are cute! Naysayers, deny it all you want, but they are literally perfect! They are literally a cute engaged couple, the moms including Lady Danbury cannot help but squeal over them, and the only thing holding them back is that this conflict is seemingly dragged on, BUT it doesn't even go on long! (perhaps it felt that way because there were only 4 in this batch of eps). And I get you can be upset, but stop the bullshit because "WE WERE ROBBED." You are lyyyyinnnnnggggg.
He finds out in 6! Anthony was with her sister for 6 eps ... Simon....avoided her til she had to make the move at the end. If we're including Queen Charlotte, George got the most cohesive story, but we'll chalk that priviledge up to the fact that he got only 6 eps; and also don't lie, the recycle-rinse-repeat episode was boring(!!!!) minus the last scene & the visitation of his trauma (u can disagree w/this, but I was bored the first time watching and didn't ask for the copy & paste same episode).
#2 is the pacing (really the last 1⅓-ish episodes is the problem)- because I wish they made up by the end of 7, which is really more of the same of what I said about them being happier in the final one. However, (which brings me to my point) if they'd shifted him finding out earlier... (again they only had 1 episode prior to do this in (because there was no way it was happening in part 1 even if the 2 part split never existed), ...it could have fixed most likely all of this: if everything was moved up an episode (+ they switched Cressida's reveal + Colin finding out), they'd be fighting in 7 but united for Cressida's lie, then they'd make up by the end, and they wouldn't still be struggling with differences between them in the first part of episode 8 at all, thus there would be the happy couple moments from my point #1.
And I newly realized how this aspect of polin's season arc compares to the others. The conflicts of the other 2 seasons have been more heavily external obstacles preventing them from really getting together, while visiting some internal demons later after the drama; but this season is pretty much just them with internal conflict between them (if not for all of part 1 then for the entirety of part 2! (i personally think that the Debling stuff is less love-trianglry than what they've done in the past & fr he is in 2 eps really and not even fully courting her for majority of it)! Enemies to lovers does have internal conflict between them in the beginning, but it's not something actually between them that's "preventing" them from riding into the sunset (other than fake fighting like they hate each lol i say w/love 4 the characters & E2L). But since Colin and Pen's conflict is actually her (Whistledown) it maybe feels like they are more at odds than what is truly going on under the surface. Because they are established to love each other already unlike the other couples, who you are seeing the journey and getting to the end. While Part 2, you are seeing the unraveling of an established couple even though the love is there and the only important reason you need to get how they can work it out. We won on complexity and realness harder than the people w/bad takes can fathom, they have to make stuff up!
The other (kind of related for some) stuff:
The sex scenes: I get it! They lied (lol)! I hope we get them! But we know why it's lacking; they're deleted scenes; they exist! But the carriage scene - HOT. The mirror - HOT. The 30 second scene (lol) - HOT. But again: K*nthony got 2 spicy scenes their season! S*phne got a montage but it kind of sucked looking back (i'm not seriously hating but you know that it was too much, literally even then i think ppl knew) but plz don't start the ship discourse again & PLZ DO BE LOUD ABOUT THESE SCENES THO, I NEED THEM (lol)
But the love confession.....sssssssss. There were so many!!! *that book one is not good, i'm sorry (i'm being lighthearted here; you can disagree w/it but I do kind of hatttte it!)
"They didn't include..." don't know if you know but the writers make the story. Their story is not the book. You knew what you jumped into. (you can be sad but..) [i am not touching the conversation on Fran. But if we're really being real that side shouldn't wanna be grouped w/the side of The Departeds who are forever the head of online harrassers....by - now causing official pages to disable their comments (you don't have to tell me it wasn't all of you. I know 😔). it's actually kind of funny how I did not know like 95% of the actual discourse those first couple days (and there's a lot of discourse to see). but, anyway my main concern this whole post are my top 2 mcs. [ps the Departeds I meant traveling; i'm not that mean]
The misinterpretation of Colin: if you hate him, then go away! Thnx 4 the record-breaking views!
The baby? Cheers to 2 years in the future w/baby No Name! *lol* I'm not gonna say you shouldn't be upset about the name. For me, it was fine, because I knew they'd be back for s4. Also, preparation guys, I doubt we will even see the child that much if Daphne is any indication.
This show has never been comparable to your favorite Oscar-worthy film (literally obviously!), but the show is not terrible like some very widely popular of what's out there (and i'm not even talking about bad shows that everyone knows are bad). There is some depth to the characters and some ingrained-trauma to living in a male-dominated society with no autonomy, and traumas to the men as well. Re: the choices and drama every season. It's... a drama show! People need to go re-read the fantasy books if they want happy, lack of conflict all the time (and men yanking their wives by the wrists)... Go read fanfic if you don't like the show and a certain couple. Bridgerton is escapism and in some crazy overtaking of loud voices in the fandom, this fandom has been one of the least escap-ist fandoms ever. Because people will be like "*suspending my disbelief*" every 2 secs, but ...babe that's not doing what you just said. There's embellished "Based on a True Story" documentary fans that do this better than you tbh (i'm being a lil funny here, but honestly)
And I simply need to say this, regardless that it won't change, I need the acknowledgment jokes and the mental cleanse. if u don't want to read × The fandom...bro. I'm not even upset, I actually laughed at some of this - like, there's 3 types of people:
#1 offended people responding to op posts, because they don't like what they said; lol, the hypocrisy! The amount of people in my comments in this past month alone if I said something positive...abt the show, abt the characters...anything (new posts, old post) is more hatred than ever ever. The good polin fans are sensitive, but any and every bad typists in the comments are so easily offended...over positivity. Why.are.you.bitter?
"I'm bitter cause.." I literally don't care
#2 people reblogging things they hate to say what they hate. thnx for the notes??? bro, some comments on other ppl's gifs (rants on what they didn't like, crying abt a character/why they hate a character, and sometimes it has nothing to do with the scene gifed).
#3 "I'm allowed to be upset." why are you fighting for this? You can! Go in peace. Some people had no issues with what you say, but you are fighting this because you are determined to make people agree with your negativity no less. If you cared about the courtesy (i know that you don't) you'd let some ppl bask in what they weren't disappointed in & were excited to end the journey with (*and i expect nothing from the haters, but some of this was coming from inside the house lol). The reason you were wrong for this is because YOU WERE WRONG! There are ppl that liked it. You have no control; I get it. dw i'm sure you'll be fine.
Anyway, if anyone even read this far, you rock 4 that. If you got it, we're healing from this dumpster fire together; and if this even made 1 person laugh or feel better, it's worth it. I'm actually good now but it was rough that first stepping into the chaos and I had so many thoughts at first, so i wrote a lot from the initial shock those moments, [and now i'm in the laughing about this bullshit phase] so if u get it u get it (and can maybe have a chuckle) >>> This is literally just your neighborly (if ur nice here) joke!post *we're laughing thru the pain* / w/e to you (if you're not because i need to & this stuff isn't new & that one goes for all divisions of the fandom not just the main contented one of this post)
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tirfpikachu · 1 month ago
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replied to a fellow gyn's post about this already but... i actually really love seeing gnc women embrace typically female names. it's so easy to assume we must use typically male names the second we start being seen as not "womanly" enough in how we dress/act, especially if we're sapphic too. we need to fully take on the Male Role and anything female-coded doesn't suit us anymore. but honestly, i love seeing gnc women have traditionally female names & gnc men with traditionally male names, and have them just be like "so what?" because it shows that people with those names CAN be gnc. people with those clothes/behaviors/etc really CAN be normies.
they don't need to conform to whatever bullshit gender roles their sex is associated with. of course ppl can change names if it makes them happiest, i myself did for a while, but i feel like it's not talked about often enough how badass it is to see a she/her gnc woman who still shrugs off being female, or a confident feminine guy who is still a dude. seeing ppl's eyes widen when they realize that female ppl who aren't trans really CAN look and act like that, and male ppl who aren't trans CAN be feminine and still be cool with their sex at birth, and not even have it be a gay thing either. it's a uniquely radical way to be gnc too. those folks still experience gncphobia, a unique kind of sexism and people can't be like "oh yeah they're trans/gay... THAT'S why they're so unwomanly/unmanly! otherwise it'd just be weird haha!" which makes more sense in their tiny sexist brains.
it's 100% cool to tie your sexuality to your gender nonconformity in some ways, but imo it's also really fucking cool to see a gnc woman who isn't gnc bc she's gay or trans or whatever. same with a gnc dude. you ofc can be gnc and distance yourself from male/female-typical things if it makes you happier, that's cool too. but people who don't are also amazing in a unique kinda way. because current society thinks breaking outside your box means there's something different about you. they see masculinity or the lack of femininity and think female things/terms "just don't suit you." they see femininity on a male body and assume it must say you're different. that it must mean you want to be seen as a woman, it must mean you want the world to see you as unmanly. but when you tell them that no, being a man and wearing sparkly shit and skirts doesn't make you less likely to identify as not a man, or more likely to be gay bc it's a "womanly" thing to be feminine... when you say no, it just means you like sparkles and skirts just so happen to be comfy for you... it breaks their little brain. when you're female and aren't dysphoric about it, aren't trying to distance yourself from femaleness at all, yet you STILL allow your body to be naturally hairy and you wear things that aren't skin-tight or wear unfeminine pants and boxers bc you don't have to worry about showing your ass while doing normal human shit, or that you'd rather spend your time cuddling your pet bunny and watching dumb reality tv in the morning instead of spending half an hour before work doing makeup and wearing hyperfem bullshit and microanalyzing your appearance, now THAT threatens the patriarchy in its own way too.
if being gnc isn't just a trans thing anymore, isn't just a gay/bi thing anymore, that means the foundations of the heteropatriarchy aren't as solid as bio men and brainwashed female folks would like to believe they are and even their OWN camp are fighting against it. when we make being gnc accessible to all and have it say fuckall about someone other than what clothes they like to wear or behaviors they like to do... that makes the patriarchy sweat in ways it's not used to. there's lots of ways to go against it, but it's always super refreshing for me as a gnc dyke to see some gnc folks not distance themselves from being male/female. and as a lesbian, i actually fucking love seeing gnc cis/bio hetero men & women too. feminine men and unfeminine women, metrosexuals/femboys and tomboys or whatever society wants to call y'all. i want being gnc to be an anti-sexist movement that overlaps with lgbt rights but also has its own spaces. i want being gnc to be shrugged off as being totally big deal, and have it say nothing about somebody, have it not be weaponized against gnc women and teach gnc boys they don't need to "man up" or whatever the fuck. i want people to be gnc in whatever way they want. this ain't the only way to rage against the machine, but it's a form of expression i feel like isn't celebrated enough. anyone facing gncphobia in their day-to-day lives is badass as hell <3
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sparklingdemon · 2 months ago
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hey hihi! ive been curious for a bit (and honestly. probably shouldve asked sooner) .. how do you feel abt ppl making their own adaptations/takes on your pokepasta ocs? do you enjoy it? are there certain ones that you prefer arent touched on like that?
its mostly curiosity but also i feel like its best to ask bc im one of the mods on a blog where leaf takes a LOT after fallen leaf but with a fair amount of deviation all the same and. i realized recently that despite u still being active and present online i never thought to inquire about that,, im so sorry njakljndnjk
hey hey it’s all good!! i think what you’re doing with missing numbers is really cool!! it always gets me really excited to see bits of fallen leaf in missing number’s leaf bc i’m just like “look gary there i am! there’s my story!!” i think combining fallen leaf’s story with abandon lonliness is INSPIRED, and it’s so so cool seeing fallen leaf be put in alongside the other more “classic” trainerpastas. it makes me happier than you’ll ever to know to see her get representation alongside all the others who have been there so much longer than her, bc it makes me feel like i wrote a story that fits right at home in the golden age of pokepasta.
that being said, i’m usually pretty chill with fan interpretations and reimaginings, or AUs that have my characters in them! “death of the author” is a real thing, and people are going to do whatever they want with my stories/characters regardless of if they realize i’m still an accessible person that can be asked permission or not - so i think it’s important for me to have a healthy/supportive outlook about it.
but… at the same time, i still don’t like it very much when people use their reimaginings to “fix” a story, to remove the “cliches” that made the story what it is.
for example, if you took BRVR out of pokemon channel and made the game take place in pokemon yellow instead, or removed the death/gore, then that’s not really BRVR anymore to me. by taking the “pokemon channel” out of “pokemon dead channel” or taking the “DEAD” out of pokemon dead channel, then you have essentially made a brand new story/character, but given it my character’s name.
so i think what i don’t like is when a reimagining comes from a place like that, where it doesn’t try to keep the spirit of the original story in mind and instead wants to “fix” it.
BUT, i should clarify how this is only a pet peeve of mine! i’m not going to tell people, “no, you’re not allowed to reimagine my story The Wrong Way™” - because ultimately i care more about people having fun with my stories and art in whatever way they want to, even if it’s something i don’t personally agree/vibe with.
of course that’s not what i think you’re doing w missing numbers at all!! i think it captures the heart of the OG stories very well, even when seen through an “in-universe” lens. i’m really really excited to see more from it!!
as for if there’s certain characters i’d rather not let anyone touch, i feel like the only one i have right now is cody, but only because their story is still ongoing and people still don’t fully know them as a character yet. it’s very easy to misinterpret a character from a story that’s still ongoing, after all!
but other than that, my answer is go wild!! do whatever you want with my pasta characters and i’ll generally be pretty hands-off about it! the only rule is have fun!!
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tododeku-or-bust · 5 months ago
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been thinking about your posts and list and everything and..... like ok ik i dont like fandom whatsoever but i presumed it was more coz im awkward and all that shit that comes w but. i realize the sensation of just. not fitting in whatsoever... i never shared my race nor felt comfortable sharing my race online and in fandom. and i have seen some vitriolic shit but sat there and let it happen - and i think thats the most haunting thing. i just let it be said, cuz the second i do, im gonna be at somebodys ire. now im trying not be like that anymore and call out bullshit when i see it, but the fact that it was basically me being a whole bystander to fandom racism online just so i would not be at the ire of antiblackness. im just. ok. this is not asking you to absolve me hope it dont come off that way, this is more something i know i learn from. but this shit is still lingering to this day, and fandom shouldnt have been the thing that did THAT! how did fandom, a community of people, make me so isolating!!! i have no interest in community, and im only just unlearning that maybe i DO want community!!! and i didnt accept the fact i was half black til last fucking year!!!!!!!!!!!!! sometimes i wonder how much happier and comfortable in my own skin if i didnt try to act all nice and quiet for ppl who dont give a shit abt reconsidering why fandom is so void of black ppl
Well first, I'm sorry that it took you so long to overcome your internalized antiblackness, but I'm happy and proud that you were able to look within and start that process for yourself. Many people can't admit they hate themselves. Because you're right, you would have been a lot happier in your own skin if you weren't pressuring both yourself and receiving pressure from the world to hate your Blackness.
And it isn't safe to fight antiblackness. Black fans know what comes with the experience and may try to protect themselves by never mentioning it, having to swallow the indignity or not ever participate at all. People deem discussing race as a threat, it's "not fun" and it's "causing infighting". It can isolate you; ruin an entire potential presence bc you broke the status quo.
It's why most nonblack fans choose to be bystanders, and therefore... Are choosing antiblack racism. That fear of stepping in is at least something nonblack people have the option of having; I have to face it! That's the life I have to live, is knowing that this sort of hatred exists for me, and the only way I can "not deal with it" is by lowering my head and accepting that I'm less than. That's the only "easy" way out.
But I choose my humanity along with the difficulty. And I'm glad you're starting to recognize that- you are worth fighting for, your humanity is worth fighting for! No need to be nice and quiet for people to enjoy your suffering- fuck em lmao. If EYE don't get peace, YEW don't get peace!
As for community, yeah you're probably not gonna find it in fandom, least not unconditional. That's been a hard lesson for me to swallow, too. It hurt, bc you walk in expecting to have community with people who like the same stuff you do!! But, unfortunately they're bringing their real world biases with them. Anyway, some of us are doing what we can to make it so, but... Tis a long battle. You keep working on yourself though!
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sammy-hammy · 2 years ago
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hi! im also a big fan of angst and have been thinking of this tyler galpin x reader story (u dont have to do it if u dont want to)
spoilers for ppl who havent finished the series yet!
okay so, tyler and the reader are a couple and they were supposed to have a date. but it was one of those days where laurel controlls him or something(tyler himself knows hes the hyde by now btw). so he unwillingly misses their date(again, for numerous times). the reader decides to go home after a couple of hours and comes across the hyde and gets hurt badly. the next day when tyler decides to visit the reader to apologize, their guardian tells him that theyre in the hospital after a terrible accident. so he rushes to see them and realizes that he was the reason why shes in the hospital. a few hours later she wakes up and sees tyler and they both talk abt him missing so many dates that theyre convinced hes cheating on them. he tells them he isnt but the reader wants some space for now after the accident.
im so sorry if its long, i suck at summarizing
𝕕𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕞𝕤 𝕗𝕣𝕠𝕞 𝕪𝕖𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕕𝕒𝕪
tyler galpin has many regrets
losing you is his biggest one
[ tyler’s thoughts , time message, reader’s thoughts]
[ major spoilers for the show, cursing, reader wishing they died, not proof read]
their blood was on my hands
why?
why was it on my hands?
ugh
stop overthinking it
it was just a dream…
right?
the resident barista bit the side of his lip as he thought about his lover. he snapped out of his trance when a customer walked up to the counter.
“hello tyler”
“good afternoon, ms. thornhill! would you like the usual?” tyler tried focusing on the order instead of the building pressure in his heart.
they’re normally here by now
he bit his lip and glanced at the door while making the double-cap, no foam, two pumps of sugar-free vanilla coffee.
he set down thornhill’s drink and she gently grabbed his arm. she leaned in close and whispered into his ear. “good job yesterday, tyler. see how well you did after removing your distractions?”
tyler’s face morphed into one of confusion. “what? i don’t think i have any distractions..”
“well not anymore. with yn out of your life, you don’t have anything to worry about.” thornhill smiled as she squeezed his shoulder.
tyler felt his stomach drop. “wha-what? are they mad? what happened?” he pulled away from thornhill as his heart beat increased. “i don’t think i di- oh shit”
realization hit him like a truck.
he forgot your birthday,
which meant he forgot your date.
again…
“my phone, my phone! do you still have it? why didn’t you give it to me yesterday?” tyler’s breathing became slightly erratic as other customers as the weathervane started staring.
“i just want what’s best for you and silly distractions like your phone and yn get in the way.” thornhill said in an obnoxiously sweet tone.
yn isn’t a distraction..
“now calm down, people are staring.” she set down his phone and walked away with her drink.
tyler picked it up and practically sprinted to the break room.
7 missed calls and 13 unread messages..
shit
he quickly checked his messages as his breathing went unsteady.
4:37 hey tyler! don’t forget about dinner at 6:30!
5:45 hey ty. are you on your way? just call me when you’re close.
6:02 never mind. i’ll just meet you at the restaurant, ok? be safe!
6:24 hey ty. are you on your way? i’m already here
6:33 i’m at the table, it’s towards the back
6:45 ty they’re starting to ask for our orders, please hurry.
6:56 ty please answer. i don’t think they’ll give us more time
7:04 ty?
7:17 never mind. i’m going home
7:20 i’m tired
7:21 this is such a stupid cycle
he felt his heart clench
7:22 sorry for wasting your time
you never wasted my time
7:23 i hope your happier with her than you were with me, for her sake
tyler dialed your number almost immediately with his shaky hands.
it went straight to voicemail.
he tried again.
same results.
fuck
he quickly threw off his apron and ran out of the cafe. he risked getting fired for abandoning his shift, but he didn’t care.
you were the one thing on his mind.
he bit his lip while getting into his car and subconsciously made his way to your house. once he reached your house he stepped out of his car and ran to your front door with his heart still beating rapidly.
the door opened before he could even knock. he locked eyes with your teary eyed elder brother.
“oh um. hey jeremy, is yn here?” your brother stayed silent as his face changed into disgust.
“you tell me galpin. you were supposed to be with them last night.” he dug his finger into tyler’s chest. “they tried coming home alone but they were attacked. all because you pathetic excuse for a boyfriend couldn’t care any less about my sibling, your supposed lover.” tears built up your brother’s eyes.
tyler’s heart couldn’t stand this much stress. “i-i didn’t know.. jeremy, please. i am so sorry! are they ok?”
jeremy scoffed. “stay the fuck away from my sibling, galpin. you clearly don’t care. if you did, they wouldn’t be in the hospital. but they are, so stay away before i do something i won’t regret.” your brother slammed the door in his face.
hospital?
what happened to them last night?
damn it
i should’ve been with them
why wasn’t i with them?
tyler was lost in his thoughts as he walked back to his car. he got in and set his hands on the wheel for a solid 30 seconds.
…the dream
what was it again?
ugh this hyde is messing with my memory
i have to get to them
he started his car and drove to the hospital as fast as possible.
the dream
it was about yn..
he tried remaining calm as his hands tightened against the wheel.
it had to be a dream
i wouldn’t let myself do that
he reached the hospital and walked in trying to steady his breathing.
“can i help you?” the receptionist questioned.
“yes! um where is yn ln’s room?” he answered quickly.
“room 13 to the right.” he handed him a visitor’s pass and went back to typing on his computer.
he dashed to the hallway and anxiously looked for your room.
it was just a dream
i would never do that to them
i love them
tyler’s eyes widened at his own thoughts.
love…?
he stood in front of your door.
yeah, love
he carefully opened the door to your room and his heart stopped.
you lied still with bandages covering your entire chest, a large bandage on your cheek, and your right arm in a cast.
no
no no no
this is all wrong
he walked over to you and gently held your hand. tears pricked his eyes as he kissed your palm. he sat on the chair beside the bed and stared at you with a worry written expression.
i couldn’t have
i wouldn’t…
he glanced at your bandages and he knew.
i should’ve listened to my dream
guilt washed over him.
god, i’m so stupid
your heart monitor was able to drown out his sobs.
“i love you, yn. i love you so much.” he whispered and wiped away his tears.
he laid his head on his arm and caressed your hand. he stared at your resting face as if you would disappear if he didn’t.
the sun was beginning to set and he was starting to feel the exhaustion from staying up all night.
he stayed staring for a while before his eyelids got heavy. he was eventually overtaken by sleep, yet he still clung to your hand.
ugh my head is killing me
you opened your eyes to the dim lighting of your hospital room. you tried lifting your hands to your face but the pain stopped you from doing so.
you winced as you looked at your body but your heart dropped when you glanced at the boy holding your hand.
tyler jolted awake while breathing heavily. you glanced away before he could make eye contact.
“why’re you here, tyler?” you asked as you stared up at the ceiling.
“i just wanted to see you” tyler felt his voice get caught in his throat. “i’m sorry, yn. i’m sorry i’m so sorry. i should’ve been with you.” he held your hand to his face and tried to make you look at him but you refused.
“if you didn’t want to be with me you could’ve just said so.” you took deep breaths as you started feeling the scars that creature had left. “you’ve missed so many of our dates. it’s embarrassing for me.”
“yn please i never meant to-“
“never meant to what, tyler? cheat?” your eyebrows knitted together as you finally looked at him. his eyes were bloodshot and they maintained a pleading look which made your breath hitch.
you resisted the urge to comfort him because it wasn’t your right anymore. “you’ve been so distant lately and it seems like you don’t even care about me anymore.”
tyler’s eyes became watery once again as he clutched onto your hand. “yn, i do care about you.” he gently set your hand down and cupped your cheek. “i love you, yn. i love you.”
a tear ran down your face as you looked away. “don’t say things you don’t mean, tyler.”
“yn, please… i love you more than anything.”
“stop it.”
“you’re the light of my life.”
“tyler, stop.”
“i love you, yn. just please listen.” tyler begged as you finally tore your hand from his.
“just stop!” your face was now wet with tears as you faced the boy you love.
“i spent my birthday alone while you did whatever with that woman. you didn’t bother to respond or at least tell me you couldn’t make it.” tyler stayed quiet.
“i could have died…” you wiped your face with your hand. “i kind of wish i had.”
“you don’t… you don’t mean that. yn you don’t mean that.” tyler denied as his tears fell freely.
“just leave, tyler. i don’t want to be with you anymore. i just can’t anymore. you clearly don’t love me. you might as well leave and be happy.” you continued to cover your face with your arm. you didn’t want to see his expression as you broke up with him.
“y-yn please. i just…” he felt desperate knowing he was losing the love of his life.
“goodbye, tyler galpin. i’m sorry i wasn’t enough for you.” you held back a sob as you heard him get up.
“i’m gonna fix this. please just… stay alive. if not for me, then for your family.” you stayed silent, afraid that if you spoke you would release the emotions you were holding back.
you heard him walk towards the door before stopping. “i love you yn ln, more than you can imagine.”
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bluegekk0 · 6 months ago
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im just thinking about my pk, Rymer, meeting yours and just. being both appalled and SO jealous.
you get to give into your instincts??? you get to marry grimm without ppl thinking its weird??? YOU DIVORCED THE WHITE LADY?????
sorry i just. i think its funny lol
Hahaha yeah I think that, despite all, Vyrm got pretty lucky. That's mostly cause I just love him so much as a character and want him to be happy (gives me some hope that my life will also get all sorted out and I'll be happy eventually). Though saying that he's in a perfect situation would also be a bit inaccurate. His life was terrible for at least 3/4 of it, and that just doesn't go away the moment he finds himself in a happy marriage with a family. And I think taking into consideration how all that trauma affects him even now, where he's generally much happier, makes his character that much more fleshed out and interesting, which hopefully isn't just my own view of him.
But yeah if he met a version of PK who wasn't as lucky, it would be quite awkward. Especially since, comparing to many interpretations of the character I've seen, Vyrm's struggles are very different for the most part. And with his poorly masked autism*, he would really struggle to not make things even more awkward. Not to mention, I imagine that if he ever met an alternate version of himself, he would have a very difficult relationship with them by default. There's so much self-hatred in his heart that reminds him of the things he did, and I believe that if he saw another version of himself, it would turn nasty. Of course, he'd eventually come to his senses, especially as he realizes that the other PK is different to him and isn't just an extension of himself to be insulted and hated. But if said PK was more cold and uncaring than him, at least on the surface? Or if he was still trying to excuse his actions with that whole "no cost too great" thing, instead of just admitting he did monstrous things that didn't help anyone? I fear it wouldn't be as pretty, especially since it would also remind Vyrm too much of his version of WL. His self-hatred and all the trauma would combine into a very unpleasant reaction, if not an aggressive one.
Sorry for the longer ramble but I also think this kind of meeting would be very interesting, so I wanted to go over what things would seem like from Vyrm's side haha
Also, Rymer is a very unique name for a PK interpretation, I like it!
* - Funny side tangent about the autism part: many traits that I gave him were peer reviewed as very noticeably autistic by my friends, which wasn't even my intention since I wrote him based on my own experiences/things that I find relatable. Most of my reactions to their comments were along the lines of "wait, really?", since I didn't even realize that was a trait associated with autism. So it really made me take a look back and consider the possibility that I'm also autistic, which wasn't something that I ever really thought about before, but it definitely explained a lot (and still does). Just goes to show how much this character means to me, writing him like this is very cathartic and helped me figure things out about myself.
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running-with-the-feels · 10 months ago
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fuck it, I'm doing it, here's to @lunaria1 for enabling me!
Dogbird by Madds Buckley broken down lyric by lyric into Subscorp content
I think the entire song would be from Kuai Liang's perspective, with this being his internal monologue towards Hanzo.
"Sorry that I'm scared of thunder like a dog, I know that you love rain, but I cry when something shakes the walls"
Kuai Liang's entire life has been one emotional connection after another being ripped away from him in very painful ways, so for him, connecting with another person and trusting them is very hard and he can't always tell the difference between someone caring about him and someone wanting to hurt him. So while, for Hanzo, their relationship is joyful and good, Kuai Liang is struggling to understand it (Hanzo sees rain but Kuai Liang sees a storm)
"Tail between my legs, I scratch while you relax, ruffling feathers, watching storm clouds pass"
Ties into the same themes as the verse above but specifically I wanna talk about "Tail between my legs" bc we know that Kuai Liang is a very powerful warrior, but he's also been made to bow to others his entire life and that's not a habit that breaks easily. He's so used to being used that he can't really conceive of someone not wanting to do that. And if its Hanzo using him, someone he trusts and cares about, well....why not? He'll be kinder about it than any of the others and that's how you're supposed to love people anyways, right? (it isn't)
"Hoping I'll make you hate the thunder too, digging in my claws to make you hate me too"
I think both Kuai Liang and Hanzo are self destructive in a lot of ways, but where Hanzo tends to go for anger and destroying himself by destroying others, I think Kuai Liang would push ppl away. Kuai Liang would keep trying to sabotage the relationship thinking it would lead to nothing but pain for them both (except it won't) but Hanzo just won't let him, probably doesn't even realize that Kuai Liang is trying to push him away, and assumes he's just adjusting.
Now we get to the chorus.
"I can't stand you in my bed, you're too gentle. I need you to hurt me back instead"
Kuai Liang has been used and abused his whole life, I do not think he knows the difference between people loving him and people hurting him. He's starting to figure it out now that he's free, but it is a struggle. And all Hanzo wants is to love Kuai Liang and love him softly. At his core, Hanzo is a very gentle man, despite the damage he has done, he is very soft. So he keeps treating Kuai Liang gently and being kind and tender and Kuai Liang doesn't know how to make sense of it bc as far as he knows, love is supposed to hurt and this doesn't. He probs tries to goad Hanzo into hurting him during sparring too, and can only really relax after he's got some bruises to ground him.
"I wish I could take you back to California, where you'd never heard of creatures like me. Little bird won't you fly away, Little bird won't you fly away?"
He thinks Hanzo would be happier with Harumi, if she had lived, and wishes with everything he had that he could make that happen for Hanzo. Its not an entirely unfair assumption on Kuai Liang's part, nor is it malicious or angry, he just thinks that he's not good enough for anyone, much less able to measure up to the great love of Hanzo's life. He also keeps expecting Hanzo to leave him, to walk out the door and never come back and is always surprised when Hanzo doesn't
"And sorry that I roll over to my folks, it's not that I'm ashamed but they keep me on the leash to choke"
Lin Kuei Trauma! They fucked Kuai Liang up so much! I think that even though they are dead and he's disavowed so many of their teachings which he refuses to pass on, Kuai Liang still struggles to let go of them in his own life. So he keeps his relationship with Hanzo a secret and hides it from the rest of the defenders even tho neither of them really wants that, bc every time he thinks of telling someone and admitting that he cares about Hanzo as much as he does, he just gets terrified bc if the old Lin Kuei were still alive, they'd kill him for this (he's seen them do it to others) and that's a hard fear to get past.
"I'm a hunting breed, if they sniff you out, they gnash their teeth"
Kuai Liang thinks he's only good for killing, he genuinely does not believe that he is worth anything else. He's also Lin Kuei, and as much as he hates the old Lin Kuei and what they were, he was trained by them and a member, he can't always remember what it is that sets him apart from them. So I think in some ways he's also afraid that he'll hurt Hanzo just by being what he is, and he doesn't want to risk that.
"I'm a coward scared of living outside, even if it means I crush you at my side"
Now, I don't think any of us would describe Kuai Liang as a coward but he thinks of himself as one when it comes to love. Bc as much as he tries to push Hanzo away, to hide their relationship, to try and avoid pain by keeping them both apart, he can't make himself let go. He feels selfish for wanting to keep Hanzo, but he wants that more than anything, even if having it means destroying himself. He knows that Hanzo doesn't really want to hide their relationship but he does it anyways bc he can't bring himself to let Hanzo go, even if it means making them both miserable (which they aren't, they just have a lot to talk about and work through together)
Chorus repeats and then
"When the bell rings my mouth waters, I'm a habit that won't alter, I'm an instinct, don't you fear me? Hunting songbirds in my sleep"
Again, Kuai Liang still thinks of himself as Lin Kuei in the old way as much as he tries to distance himself from them and become something better (which he is), and he's so used to being put in life threatening situations where he can't trust anyone that he can't see things another way very easily. So, I think he lashes out when Hanzo's gentleness confuses him too much and he reverts back to the behavior he had adopted in the Lin Kuei to survive, even if he doesn't mean too. He always regrets it, but he can't stop it either.
"Sorry that I don't treat you like I should. I only lick my wounds, teeth bared and snap, 'you're all that's good'"
I think this would be Kuai Liang trying to apologize to Hanzo for pushing him away so much, but when Hanzo tries to push a little bit and figure out what is going on so they can resolve it, Kuai Liang lashes out again. He calls Hanzo "All that's good" as almost an accusation, in the sense of "You're too good for me, and you're too good to me and it scares me" and Hanzo doesn't know how to convince him otherwise, that Kuai Liang is safe and Hanzo doesn't want to hurt him or use him, only love him.
"If I chase you away, I'm back to chasing tail, running circles after what was real. And maybe one day, I'll catch it, and I'll cry, wishing that little songbird was still mine."
I think that what Kuai Liang fears more than anything is losing Hanzo, and he's terrified that Hanzo will finally give up and abandon him like Kuai Liang has been pushing him to do all this time, leaving Kuai Liang with nothing but the memories of someone who treated him gently with no ulterior motive. Hanzo never will, of course, he's going to drag Kuai Liang towards self esteem and mental stability if it is the last thing he ever does, kicking and screaming if need be.
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johnslittlespoon · 5 months ago
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20 questions for writers
thank you @triggerlil for the tag!! <3 i'm so late omg but this was FUN, first tag game i've done that's more author than writing snippet/drabble related :-)
tagging @air-exec, @counting0nit, @don-humes-tiny-shorts, @eternallytired17, @hauntingcontradiction
@nicijones, @bucking-mustangs-with-wings, @swifty-fox, @mangokittokatsu, anyone else who wants to! i love reading tag games like these, it's nice to learn more about the ppl behind all the brainrot :')
questions & answers below the cut! x
how many works do you have on ao3?
12!
what's your total ao3 word count? 50,182 wtf i only made my ao3 in january lol
what fandoms do you write for?
i've written for lotssss over the past decade, but my current ao3 is just saltburn and masters of the air fics :-) for the sake of this tag i'm just gonna stick to my mota fics in my answers tho since yk. mota blog lol
top 5 fics by kudos?
i don't wanna be alone tonight – buckbucky breathe me in (exhale slow) – buckbucky you're a dog (i'm your man) – buckbucky you put your arms around me (and i'm home) – buckbucky four–by–four – buckbucky
do you respond to comments?
every single one <33 i take a long while sometimes because i get too lost in the actual writing or i get overwhelmed by the kindness lol but i always always respond eventually :')
what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
definitely i see you in the daytime (i hear you at night), my first fic for masters of the air actually that spawned as a way to vent my feelings after the dreaded third episode lmaoo </3 thought that would get those boys out of my system, and i couldn't be happier to have been more wrong <3
what is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
ruh roh this kinda made me realize all my fics have some sorta melancholy/bittersweet ending even when they're hopeful... yad(iym) is gonna fix me fr (i think). but i guess the fuse to my fire since curt lives and the three of them are curtbuckbuckying indefinitely <3
do you get hate on fics?
i have in past fandoms but not here thankfully bc i am sensitive LOL. i've had weirdo anons that bitch about john bottoming (and i don't think those people realize it makes me inclined to write even more sub and/or bottom john to be petty SJGDK) but i wouldn't consider that hate, just bad fandom etiquette ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
do you write smut?
YEAHHH BABY <3 that's like. 99% of my drabbles/brainrot posts here and it takes serious self control to not just constantly write pwp oneshots, it's too much fun!! finding the balance in my chaptered fic for how much nsfw is too much is such a journey too lol, i wanna cram a spicy scene into every chapter but the part of me that adores slowburn over any other trope reins the gay brain in </3
craziest crossover?
haven't written any as of yet, but i do have my leaving!bikeriders au that i'm hoping to turn into a chaptered fic this summer, and that's exactly what it sounds like– buckbucky, but yank parts of callum's character from the leaving series and parts of austin's character from the bikeriders to create a buckbucky modern au. :-)
have you ever had a fic stolen?
i'm sure back in the wattpad days of the early '10s lol but none that i specifically remember!
have you ever had a fic translated?
in past fandoms!
have you ever co-written a fic before?
perhaps @curtsbigspoon and i cooked up like. 15k words of buckbucky thigh fucking etc months ago that i just need to get around to cutting down/editing >:-)
all time favorite ship?
i mean for me it's always a ship from whatever media i'm fixating on, so right now any variations of curtbuckbucky and cattonquick are everything to me <3 but in terms of ships that'll always have my heart, i can't ever let go of drarry, pricefield, clexa/murphamy, sciles/sterek– any from media i consumed during formative teenage years lol. but i will say i have never created anywhere near as much content for any other fandom as i have for mota :')
what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
for once i actually have none that i see myself abandoning! i would notoriously abandon wips in past fandoms and probably would still, but guess who finally got on adhd meds last month after years of waiting? this guyyyy. i can start projects... and enjoy them the whole way through... and not get frustrated and trash them... who am i
i mean tbf i have at least a dozen wips that i've gotten either a few paras or few thousand words into lol but then a new shiny idea grabs my attention, but i do think i'll end up finishing most if not all of them off eventually! once i've invested enough time/words into a wip, i feel way more motivated to finish it so i'm not 'wasting' my efforts.
what are your writing strengths?
i feel most confident when i'm writing dialogue over anything else. writing conversation–heavy scenes or just straight up porn is when i overthink the least lmaoo
what are your writing weaknesses?
oh god, definitely having to spell out what's going on in a character's mind. like, i know what they're thinking as i'm writing out scenes; i can feel their emotions and all. i just have such a hard time putting it into words in a way that doesn't feel too obvious/overstated, if that makes sense. i very much prefer to show rather than tell their emotions, but sometimes it's hard to get that right, and i agonize over solo scenes the most, when i can't show what a character is feeling by way of verbal conversation with another character.
thoughts on dialogue in another language?
no specific opinion! sometimes it's cool to read/write, mostly i don't really have an opinion one way or another :-)
first fandom you wrote in?
lmfaooo i'm pretty sure it was either for olddd youtube ships or frerard ngl. not sure which came first bc i wrote so much at once
favorite fic you've written?
you're a dog (i'm your man) has been such a labour of love for me because i care so much about doing it justice :') so maybe that one, but if unfinished fics don't count, i actually wrote breathe me in (exhale slow) in one rushed four–ish hour sitting and was kinda neutral on it until i got a completely unexpected burst of kind and beautifully worded responses, and then i felt a tiny bit proud <3
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