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bibbykins · 5 years ago

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Thrills Found On Solid Ground (M)

A/N: I snagged a work at home job! (yay!) Less hours though, which is bittersweet. I will be a little strapped for cash, so I will link my ko-fi below and anything helps, really. I am considering opening up comisions, if anyone would like that, let me know! Less hours means way more time to write so color me a happy camper. As way to celebrate positive changes, and in honor of me putting in my two weeks at my current job, enjoy the next installment in the Soft Yandere BTS fics! Let me know how you feel about it, and I hope you enjoy.

Genre: Fluff, smut, angst if you squint a bit

Word Count: 9.4k

Pairing: Soft Yandere! Namjoon x Reader

Warnings: yandere tendencies, toxic traits, obsessive and posessive male, subtly unhealthy relationship, vaginal sex, cunnilingus

Summary: You had always been an idiot, you mistook this as being a risk-taker, a wild adrenaline junkie. As a result, you found yourself on some dating app, then on a bad date, then on a skywalk 1,000 ft above ground. Looking down, you felt impending doom, clutching to anything, or anyone, you could. You couldn’t have known the stanger you clutched onto, in the middle of two skyscrapers, too high above solid ground, had no plans to let you go.

The sky was clear, the wind combed through your scalp gently, and you watched the world below go about their daily routine. It was a cool day with an overcast, especially for summer, and you would have much rather stayed inside to witness it.

The sky was an ocean to drown in, the air was unbelievably thin, and the people below just looked like little ants to squash with your body hurling to the concrete.

What the fuck were you doing up here?!

You never take risks like this. The harness was choking you out and all you wanted to do was lay down in bed, but here you were: 2,000 ft above your comfort zone and shaking in the middle of log suspended in the sky, the next step looking farther and farther.

It was a dumb idea to put adrenaline junkie in you online dating profile. It was even dumber of you to try and live up to it.

Namjoon, on the other hand, was making his merry way along the gapped bridge. He was in black slacks and a gray button-up, feeling a bit silly with the harnas as well as he walked along in his Oxfords. It was the perks of being a PR head, enjoying the more wild attractions sponsored by the company he was executive for. However, this time, he was to see if this was worthwhile to put the company's name on. Ever the stickler, he only ever trusted his opinion on the matter and not a subordinate's.

He hopped along each log with a small smile, dimples prominent. Yes, he was enjoying himself, but he did feel quite ludicrous in his work clothes hopping along the city skyline. He was still having a good experience, it was serene yet daring, he could see the prospective hype. He felt almost like-

“I'm gonna die!” Namjoon jumped at the pure panic less than five feet behind him, causing him to turn around and bear witness to the scene you hadn't intended to make.

There you were, lip quivering, knees shaking, body quaking entirely as your hands searched desperately for something to hold you steady, “I'm the biggest fucking idiot!” You wailed as staff members began to strap themselves in to retrieve you. However, when the bridge shook with one of their jumps onto the bridged, you begged them to stop, the tears pouring from your face in a way Namjoon had never seen, or bothered to look at before.

It was a pitiful sight, really. You were a pretty girl, and judging by your presentation, only did this as a way to boost confidence. In his study of you, Namjoon hadn't noticed the way you hopped onto his log the moment he was about to turn around. You grasped his hand and he could feel the gravity of your fear.

“Hey, hey.” Your eyes were screwed shut on the log as you held this strangers hand, his voice trying to bring you back to reality, “You… alright?” You shook your head.

For the first time in his life, Namjoon had no knowledge of what to do. A girl was shaking violently and looking to him, of all people, to soothe her. At work, most people avoided his eyes in fear of being reprimanded. He was domineering and had a demanding presence, but here you were, demanding some comfort from him.

“I'm stupid.” You mumbled as you pushed your head into his chest, making a blush of shock and embarrassment bloom on his cheeks. He wasn’t used to such skinship, let alone from a woman. This was more intimate than his run-of-the-mill tussle in the sheets with one-night stands. He should be shoving you away, but you were so, so, soft. “This is why I never leave my house.”

There was something endearing about the odd scenario that Namjoon fought down. He had been through such a song and dance. He's been the love at first sight guy and it never went well. He was not a boy anymore, he was a businessman, one of the most intimidating executives, and yet, you clung to him like a ledge keeping you upright.

Namjoon didn't know what else to do but comfort you as he embraced you shaking form in his arms, “I doubt it,” He spoke softly, “What's your name?” He didn't know what he was doing, but this felt right enough.

“Y/n, you?” You jumped when you felt the bridge move, squeezing the stranger before you a little harder, making yourself cringe at how unsightly you were being, sighing out in a labored cry, “I’m so annoying.” You whimpered.

In reality, Namjoon should let the workers come retrieve you. The logical part of him knew this much. This was more than likely not an uncommon occurrence and they were trained to do this sort of rescue mission. Even so, he wasn't ready to relinquish his rights as safe haven to someone who carelessly shook the bridge and you to the very core.

Namjoon glared to the worker, gesturing to the sign that demanded only two people on the bridge at a time, to which the worker retracted, “Namjoon.” He felt a wave of inexplicable panic crash through him when he felt your grip loosen from his shirt, “Are you ready to walk-”

You shook your head, “I'm an idiot for even getting up here.” Evidently, you couldn't think straight.

“You certainly don't seem like an idiot.” His deep voice soothed your racing thoughts, “Maybe a little naive but-”

“Tell me about it.” You breathed a shaky laugh, “Would you believe me if I told you I was on a date?”

His jaw tightened. Who in their right mind would consider this a good date idea for a recluse? He scanned the area only to see an irritated guy shaking his head before proceeding to the exit. Good. He would only get in the way.

“First one too, so I don't see a second one happening.” You chuckled a bit, enjoying the feeling of the mystery man rubbing your back, “Considering I look more like yours.”

Mine. Mine. Mine. It didn't have a bad ring to it. Maybe the isolation kept his sanity at bay as the smell of your hair grew more and more intoxicating.

“And especially since you've found a new date during it.” You could hear the smirk in his voice and the flirting distracted you from the way he picked you up ever so slightly and took a step towards the next log. His legs were long enough to walk over the gap of sky you so feared.

“What a terrible date you're on then.” You giggled a bit, eyes simply closed as opposed to slammed shut.

“I beg to differ.” He took another step as you were none the wiser, “I've known you for less than an hour and I'm already thinking of where our next one will be.” Now the only thing keeping your eyes closed was the embarrassment of the effect his deep voice had on you.

“H-Hopefully not stranded in the middle of two skyscrapers.” You offered a chuckle as Namjoon made it across to the last step.

“Who's stranded?” His smug voice prompted you to look down only to see concrete. Sweet, sweet concrete.

The shriek of joy you let out when you noticed the stable ground under you was reward enough for Namjoon. When you wrapped your arms around his neck to engulf him in your form, it was bliss, “You're a magician!” You gushed, “I didn't even notice! I barely even felt it! I can't believe I'm alive!” Never in his life had Namjoon seen someone so expressive and fearlessly full of emotion. You went as far as kissing his check, “My fucking hero right here!” You squealed.

Namjoon's body almost seized when he felt your soft lips on his face. You were indeed naive, however, he quite enjoyed what it meant for him. The feeling of your body against his and lips on his face was addicting. He didn't want to let you go. Ever. You were a feeling he had been chasing for what feels like years and he didn't even know it. You were a missing chunk to a fulfilling life he thought he had. He could not let you walk to ground level without a promise to see you again, and again, and again, and-

“Holy moly!” Your gasp snapped Namjoon back to the present. Your eyes were wide as you scanned his face, “You're so pretty!” Your hands cupped his face, “You're like straight out of a romance novel.” You mused mindlessly, you evidently had no filter or sense of personal space. He wondered if you grew up deprived of personal touch or with it all along. Namjoon lost himself in the wonder you held in your eyes. You had a certain innocence that he couldn't quite understand, so trusting. It was in his starlorn gaze that you shook yourself back to reality, “Oh my, I am making a terrible first impression.” You murmured, hands beginning to robotically retract only to have Namjoon hold them in place, “Just touching on you like that, so creepy.” You scolded yourself.

“I beg to differ.” He mused and you realized how well his voice fit his adonis-like face. His smile was warm, making you forget the chill of being up so high. His thumb stroked the back of your hand, “You're hands are… soft.” It was a warm smile with two of the cutest dimples you've seen to accompany it.

“I'm a sculptor-artist-uh-person.” You fumbled through the sentence, not wanting to seem like you're bragging or assigning a title to yourself, “Hence the touching, your facial proportions are really pleasing to the eye and-”

“So are yours.” The giggle that left your mouth was embarrassing to say the least. Never had you been this blatantly flirted with. Never had you liked flirting this much.

“You’re trying to make me swoon right off this roof, huh?” You smiled as you wiped the dried tears around your eyes, trying to salvage whatever makeup was left.

“If there’s anything I've proven today,” He leaned down to look you in the eyes, “It’s that the only way I’m letting you fall,” He brought his mouth to your ear and you shivered, “is if it’s for me.”

“You’re silly.” You broke out into a contagious smile.

----

“And just like that, he enchanted me.” You sighed willfully, “He’s really such a prince.” You mused, eyes closing to envision him, “We've been kinda seeing each other for a little over three months, and it’s been great, so I’m trying to surprise him today with a cute coffee break at work, but I’ve never seen him in action in the serious business world, so I’m nervous.”

The barista at the counter gave you an uneasy smile, “That’s nice, ma’am, so uh… would that be with cream and sugar?”

Your eyes snapped open, “Sorry, right, coffee,” You smacked your cheeks lightly.

“You’re holding up the line!” A man groaned behind you as the other two people behind him avoided eye contact.

“Like yelling at me is gonna make me go faster!” You retorted before turning to the barista, “Yes, please, sorry.” You smiled and he returned it before handing you your tray with two coffee cups and a scone accompanied by a chocolate croissant, “Thank you!” You called as you walked out of the shop, throwing a glare to the man, “Have a great day.” You quipped to him before making your way into the main floor of the skyscraper.

The secretary seemed to assume you were Namjoon’s assistant and informed you that he was on floor 27 and in meeting room 2. You didn’t bother to correct her, instead, you sent her a bright smile as you made your plight to the 27th floor. Your stomach was churning and you couldn’t tell if it was because of the climb or the impromptu date you were trying to have. What if he was embarrassed by you? He was evidently out of your league, even if he never made you feel like that was the case. He was the most gentle and kind man you had ever encountered, but he did say he was different at work. Would he not want you here? Were you being too clingy? He did say he missed you this morning, but he also could have been just saying that. It had only been a couple weeks since you have been dating and he hadn't even kissed your lips yet. Maybe he saw you as more of a friend instead of what you wanted. Maybe you should just go home.

The ding of the elevator told you it was too late to turn back now.

You put on a brave face as you turned a couple of corners to find meeting room 2. You opted to wait until the meeting was over prior to going on. At least that was the plan, until the door swung open to hit your head reveal a string of stiff men and women all leading up to a very straight-faced Namjoon. The man who opened the door seemed to be sweating with a fearful look in his eyes as you rubbed your head.

“Ow, sorry.” You murmured, “Definitely my fault for standing so close-”

“Hwang, what is the matter now…” Namjoon's stern voice quickly trailed off as he met your eyes. The hardness in his eyes immediately softened, only to harshen when he noticed one hand rubbing your head and a look of pain crossing your face, “Meeting is adjourned, we will continue after lunch.” Namjoon spoke up to the bewildered room as he strode to your side, replacing your hand with his as he swiftly took the carrier from your other hand, “Maybe then you will have something worthy of my time to show me.” He quipped as he walked you wordlessly to his office. You took note of the shiver that ran down each of the employee's spines, none of them even taking note of your experience with their heads down in shame or fear, or both.

Namjoon's office was spacious to say the least, most likely half of your apartment. He was so silent you had wondered if you made him angry too. However, as soon as the door shut, he placed the tray on a coffee table and pulled you into a hug, placing a kiss on your head, “Joonie-”

“Are you alright?” He mumbled on the small bump you were developing. You were bewildered at the sudden affection. It was a definite switch from the scary businessman you encountered earlier, “Sweet pea?”

You snapped out of your thoughts with a small jolt, “Yeah, it's just a little dink.” You smiled softly against his chest, “Nothing to fret over.” You sighed softly in his embrace as a smirk grew on your face, “Sweet pea, huh?”

His chest vibrated with a small chuckle as he loosened his grip to look at you properly. His hands cradled your face as he stared at you with a genuine smile, the one you knew and loved, “Sweet pea indeed.” He hummed, “I find it suits you well.” You felt your face heat at this and your face told Namjoon the situation on its own as his smile grew more smug, “So, what has you gifting me with your presence today?”

Namjoon was always happy to see you. Admittedly, too happy. He felt himself falling into a certain love for you that he found to be timed way too soon. He felt his emotions begin to scare him, and he felt a strong need to fire the idiot that hit you with the door. However, when you were with him, everything was okay, just like you said it was. You were the master to his emotions and it terrified him.

“I wanted to surprise you with a small coffee date.” You chirped, “Surprise?” You presented the coffee on the table with a small smile.

Namjoon sat the both of you down on the white leather couch he had in his office, “Thank you.” He was the first to break the silence and you returned it with a quaint smile, “However, I can't help but feel like you're muting yourself.”

You were stiff as a board when he said that. Initially, it was a surprise date, but the elevator ride gave you time to doubt everything. Ideally, you wanted to get clarification on what Namjoon wanted from you, but the words were like a lump of clay in the back of your throat. If you said one, they would all come out.

“Well, it's stupid, really.” You nervously let out a small chuckle, “Childish, possibly?” Your eyes were transfixed on the leather below you.

His hand went to grip your chin and pull your eyes back go him. Your gaze was a drug, “Give me your thoughts, sweet pea.”

You shivered as you looked into his eyes, “I just want to know if… you like me, like I like you.” You forced out, only to try to turn your head away in vain due to his grip, “Oh, I feel silly.” You struggled for a moment, only to huff, "What do you think about me?"

Namjoon fought the urge to clench his jaw. The truthful answer to your question wasn't healthy. He needed more time to work through his intense emotions for you prior to acting on them. He wanted nothing more than to kiss you roughly, pin you to this couch, and have you feel what he thought about after each of your dates. However, he should not, by any means, feel the need to do such. And yet, he did. The way you made him feel so needed and the way he craved you so intensely in return was intoxicating.

He, instead, gave you a polite smile as he took a sip of his coffee, "I think you're adorable." Not technically a lie, but not the full truth you wanted.

Namjoon looked down at the scone, missing your dejected face. What the hell did that mean? Did he not see you as a woman? Were you just his cute friend? Had you been that childish, pining after a man who did not feel the same? You quickly shook the thoughts when Namjoon looked at you and you returned the smile. He noticed how it wasn't nearly as bright as usual and your eyes didn't hold its usual sparkle. Had he done something wrong?

The date, you were less and less sure whether or not to even call it such, went on just as all your others had.

"So how is your exhibition coming along?" He asked as he sipped the coffee.

You smiled and melted at the dimples that came when he returned it, "It's a process," You droned, "Being an artist is all fun and games until you have to pick which snack table won't clash with your work, and don’t even get me started about the business-y things, so boring." You rolled your eyes, "I know what I’m doing, and I know I’m good at it but I almost wish I had a manager, but isolation has become a part of my aesthetic at this rate."

"Well, you always have me," Your heart tugged, "I could help you, always, even just picking a snack table."

You shook your head politely, "I wouldn't wish that on you, Joon." You joked, "You'd think doing the art would be the hardest part of an exhibit, but the stuffy details are agonizing." You droned on, you always felt so comfortable with Namjoon, even if his unofficial rejection weighed in the back of your mind, "Like, who cares about the champagne or dress code, just buy or enjoy my art." You huffed, "I understand I'm lucky to have a career, but sometimes my passion can feel like such a...job." You sighed, "I sound like a spoiled brat."

Namjoon placed his hand on your head delicately, "As someone around stuffy people, and a stuffy person, I understand it's exhausting." He gave you a reassuring smile, "You're not a brat, you're an artist." He placed a hand on your knee, "You put so much whimsy into the world and deserve to experience that in return."

You giggled at this, "Thank you, but you're not stuffy, Joon," You hesitated for a moment, "Heck, you're the coolest guy I know." You offered in favor of your thoughts swarming around. The pain getting harder and harder to ignore.

You made Namjoon laugh, he made you laugh. You both talked about work, but you chose not to comment on his work persona, less and less confident about what to even say anymore. You said goodbye to Namjoon with a small hug, as you always did, and left wordlessly.

Namjoon couldn't help but have a bad feeling as he watched you step into the elevator. Your lip quivered right before the doors shut. Something happened during your date, and for the first time, he had no idea. He surely had to be blinded by his own feelings for you to properly read you. Suppressing these feelings were evidently affecting him, but it was what he had to do to play the long game.

You began to cry when the elevator doors closed, eyes screwed shut as your shoulders shook with your sobs. Namjoon showed you that you wanted a relationship, and yet, it didn't seem like he wanted one, let alone with you.

"H-Hey, don't cry," A hesitant voice caused you to jump, face detaching from your hands as you turned to face the man from this morning.

"You're that...meanie." You sniffled, evidently confused.

He smiled awkwardly, "I'm sorry I was such a prick earlier." He looked uneasy, hand scratching the back of his neck.

You sniffled again, "No, it's not you, I just…" You choked on a sob.

"I doubted it was, but I also doubt I made your day any easier." He spoke softly, "I was visiting my sister at work and she's a nightmare, so I was just taking it out on other people."

"Nobody's perfect." You smiled a bit, before it quickly fell, "Especially me." You whined before sobbing again.

Your sobs were cut off when the man put a hand on your shoulder, "Bad breakup?" You shrugged and he sighed sympathetically, "I know this cry, I do have a sister, ya know?" You lifted your head a bit and his hands wiped the tears that nearly dried on your cheeks, "I can just tell you're a good person." He smiled a bit and you mirrored it, "Any other person would have smacked me sideways earlier, I would've." You breathed a small chuckle that only grew when he grabbed your wrist to make your hand hit his face, "Here, ow." He only ceased when the elevator doors opened to a busy lobby, eyes all on him.

You broke out into full laughter as you both stepped out of the elevator, "Sorry." You giggled to the people in the lobby.

"Nothing to see here." He smiled awkwardly as you both made a bee-line for the exit. When you breached the building you let out a hearty laugh.

"You're funny." You couldn't suppress your laughter.

"Yes, but I'm also Seunghyun, actually." He bowed dramatically.

Your laughter finally died down into a smile, "I'm y/n." You curtsied in response with a chuckle, "Thanks for making me forget about my morning."

"Why don't I give you a better afternoon?" He offered slyly and you paused for a moment. You were more than ready to say no. You had Namjoon after all, right? "I can take you to a nice lunch place and you can take as long as you want to order, I promise." You looked back at the skyscraper. Namjoon was always above you, wasn't he? "I may even pay."

You smiled graciously at Seunghyun, "Of course you will, you owe me." You playfully said, skipping ahead of the stuttering man.

Namjoon sat at his desk, back facing the window where his worst nightmare would be in clear view. Instead, he scrolled lovingly through the texts you both shared. He carefully thought about how to bring up dinner for tonight. Despite not even asking yet, he had already fantasized about what you would wear. Maybe tonight would be the night he would get a kiss from your lips. He sent the text in the midst of his fantasies. Would you wear lipstick-

You said no.

You rejected him.

You said you had a date.

Namjoon stood promptly to avoid crushing his phone with his bare hands. Never in his life had a woman rejected him, and when the one he craved so desperately did, he did not react gracefully. Not that anything he had done upon meeting you had been graceful. Even so, they were merely fail-safes, and he had failed.

He sprung into action immediately, opening his personal laptop to scroll through the contents of your phone. His company owning your phone provider did wonders for your accessibility levels. Even so, you hadn't received any texts. There had been no one else added to your contacts. How did you have a date? Did you lie to him?

Why would you be with someone else? What did he do? He groaned in frustration he didn't understand your more zany emotions.

He lifted his head up in realization. That's it! He needed to understand your emotions. You were one of a kind, but he was as much of a disaster as Yoongi, and Yoongi has a girlfriend.

Namjoon quickly dialed Yoongi's number. The older male answered with a bored, "What?"

"I need to talk to your girlfriend." Namjoon spoke with urgency evident in his voice, time was running out.

"No-"

"Min Yoongi!" The aforementioned female's voice could be heard in the background.

"Sunshine, he doesn't need to hear your voice- hey!"

There was an evident scuffle, "I'll put him on speaker, you big baby." She quipped before taking a breath, "How can I be of assistance?"

Namjoon sighed out, unsure of where to begin, "I have this girl I really, really like, but I know I shouldn't like her this much, so I'm trying to take it slow." He frowned, "But today, I don't know what I said wrong, and now she has a date with someone else."

There was a long sigh, "You guys are terrible with being honest." Namjoon could tell she was glaring at Yoongi, "You evidently said something dumb, did she ask you anything?"

Ask him anything? You asked him about his day. You asked him if he liked the coffee. What else is there to ask? Until it dawned on him.

"She asked what I thought about her and I said she was adorable." Namjoon explained, "I don't see what's wrong there, she is-"

"Yoongs, hold the phone, I might just smash it." The female was rolling her eyes evidently.

"What's wrong, Sunshine?" Yoongi spoke, "I don't get it, he complimented her."

"Ugh, of course you don't." She retorted, "Why did you think I almost went out the night we...got together? You weren't," She put her mouth close to the speaker to prove a point making Namjoon miss when she was still timid around him with the frown he deepened, "Being honest with me." She accentuated each word, "Poor girl can't read your mind, she doesn't want to waste her time pining after someone who doesn't pine back properly." The female sighed again, "Seriously, the seven of you are nuts, I know, but come on," She groaned in frustration, "You all have the looks and the status, maybe use your brain while you're at it."

Namjoon slumped in his chair. Yoongi's girlfriend had a point. Namjoon should have made it painfully clear you were his. Not just to you, but everyone else. Maybe he was crazy, but that didn't change the validity of his emotions for you. You were all he could think about anymore. He just wanted to have unrestricted access to you, but he took it slow, and now he's falling behind. You were trying to leave him. He couldn't let it happen.

He wouldn't.

This was a bad idea. You slumped against your seat as you twirled your straw. You were unamused and Seunghyun was becoming less and less funny and even less charming as time ticked by.

This date was going terribly. Seunghyun was undoubtedly obnoxious. You were agonizingly bored as you sat in the dimly lit restaurant which you were ill-dressed for. It was far too fancy for lunch, and you could not read the french on the menu, so you ordered a sandwich and a water. You watched Seunghyun with a tired face. He really thought you took long to order this morning? It had been 10 minutes of him asking about the wine menu. Namjoon always knew-

No, no, none of that. Seunghyun was a nice guy, everyone had their quirks.

You gave the waiter a sympathetic smile as he stalked off, "So," You drawled, catching Seunghyun's attention from his phone, "What do you do for a living?"

"I am a pharmaceutical rep." He stated, all too proudly, "I go to medical offices and get the doctors to prescribe the meds I'm in charge of, making a pretty hefty commission over some phony drops with a fancy label." Your jaw clenched at this. You had your time as a receptionist. Some were nice but most of the reps were pushy assholes with name brand and expensive meds.

Be nice. You chided yourself, "Shouldn't doctors prescribe what is best, not what is sold to them?" So much for that. You really didn't know how to shut your mouth, "Pharmaceuticals are a very controversial field." You pondered aloud.

Seunghyun seemed to pay you minimal mind, eyes already geared to his phone, he wasn't listening, "And what do you do?" He was on autopilot.

"I'm an artist." You spoke politely, “I do mixed media, but my favorite thing is to sculpt with clay.”

This made his head snap up, "Oh, and here I was going to see if you want to split the check, but I guess not." He laughed a little too hard and you blanched.

Okay, he's an asshole.

No, maybe you're misunderstanding.

"Why not?" You offered him a shovel to dig his way out through clenched teeth.

"Well, you know," He suddenly was a lot less cute, "You're an 'artist'," You wanted to bite the finger quotes off his hands, "Unless you, ya know, dance, then maybe you can pay for the meal." He dug himself deeper, and yet you felt stuck.

Nope, definitely an asshole.

You ate in silence, and you wondered how such a crappy sandwich could cost so much. Namjoon always took you to a variety of places with great food.

Namjoon. You missed him. You missed his soft touches and kisses on the forehead. You missed the way he made your heart flutter. You missed how he spoke to you, how he would profusely apologize if he had to take a phone call. You missed the way he was as equally interested in what you had to say as you were with him.

You felt dejected at the very thought of his name. God, you really were naive to think someone like him would just come to you. You needed to confess properly and move on if he rejects you. You would move on, but, your eyes flicked to Seunghyun as you watched him stare at his phone as he ate, you would be more mindful of who. This date was a waste of time and money on both parts.

When the check came, Seunghyun paid it in the most obnoxious way as he joked with the very uncomfortable waiter. Before leaving, you took out cash for a good tip, doubting Seunghyun had the decency to leave one.

Namjoon drove to your house and used your spare key to get in. He was not thinking as clearly as he should as he set up candles and dinner for you. You were his, though. He had to make it up to you for not proving it sooner. He could only hope you would be back from this date soon. He was beginning to get antsy, not even entertaining the thought of you not coming home. Never in his life had Namjoon felt such a sense of urgency.

After setting up the dining room, Namjoon sat in the living room, facing the door on your frilly sofa. He had been to your place several times. It was nice, and coincidentally, one of the complexes he bought when he was into property acquisition. However, he could hardly wait for your lease to end and you could live with him. Surely you would want to? His place had more space for your art and it was a more convenient area. He could give you the world if you just gave him another chance.

Namjoon jerked when he heard a key unlocking the door. All he could do now was hope you were alone. He had no idea what he would do to any man you brought home.

You closed the door with a defeated thud as you leaned your head against the door, back to the rest of the apartment. You heaved a sigh before removing your shoes. You shook your head at today's events. You should've just stayed home.

You rolled your shoulders back before turning to put your purse away… only to scream upon seeing a male figure on the couch, "What-I… Joon?" You cocked your head as he stood, making his way to you, "What are you doing here?!"

He gave you a small smile, walking closer to you, "Apologizing." He stopped a hair short of being pressed against you as he towered over your form.

"F-For scaring the shit out of me?" You gasped when he ran his nose along your neck, inhaling your scent, thankful to find no one else's, "Joon, what has gotten into you?" You spoke shakily as you took a step back only for his strong arms to wrap around your waist, pressing you against him.

"I don't just think you're adorable." He breathed as you shuddered at his voice in your ear, "I'm so absolutely smitten, I was too cowardly to say anything." Your eyes would've shot open had his lips not fanned over your neck, making them close in bliss, "But I can't stand by and watch someone else try to take you from me." His voice came out as a growl and you felt yourself tingle at his sudden dominance.

"Take me away?" Realization dawned on you as you recalled your last message to him, "The date was a mistake." You blurted out and Namjoon pulled away from you ever so slightly, "He was super boring, annoying, patronizing, but what mattered most to me," Your hands locked behind his neck, "He wasn't you." You mused, and Namjoon leant down to catch your lips between his own without missing a beat.

You immediately responded mirroring his desperation as you clung closer to him. The kiss was soft at first as he massaged your lips with his plump ones. You gasped when he nibbled on your lower lip, giving his tongue one of the openings he craved to feel. His tongue entered your mouth with a delighted groan on his end that made your knees week.

Namjoon was high on the feeling of your mouth as he explored every crevice. He groaned upon stroking your tastebuds, his own picking up how sweet you felt for him. You moaned out when he sucked on your tongue and you felt his teeth graze the pink muscle as he let out a short grunt.

Never in your life had you been kissed like this. He was soft yet rough and you craved him. You took the initiative to take his tongue into your mouth and return the favor, suckling on the muscle only to have his hands grip your hips harder while he grunted. You understood why he did it to you first, it felt good. It was oddly erotic, and the feeling only furthered as your lips were against his. The hand gripping your hip squeezed and you let out a small groan, the anticipation between your legs only growing as you felt you knees buckle, thighs clenching.

Your sounds were putting him in a nearly hypnotized state as his hand went to stroke your thigh and you shuddered with anticipation. He let his fingertips drag across the skin while both of your mouths melded to one another. You whined when his hand teasingly dipped towards your core only to quickly move to the back of your thigh.

Namjoon couldn't help the smile that grew on his mouth at your brattiness. You wanted him. You wanted him so bad. He was the center of your desires and the feeling was the only aphrodisiac he needed. He held the key to everything you want. He was in control.

"Joon, I want you." You breathed, air dripping with lust.

"Whatever you want, baby," He dipped his tongue into your mouth for just a moment, "Just say the word, and I'll give it to you." One of your hands trailed down his toned body as your eyes were hooded, head clouded with lust.

You glanced up at him just as you hand made contact with his prominent bulge through his undoubtedly Armani suit pants. You watched, tongue peeking out of your mouth, as his head lolled back a rumble in his chest as he grunted when you squeezed the outline of his base, "Give it to me," You gave another squeeze, reveling in his deep moan, "Please." You nearly moaned the magic word before breaking from his hold to prance ahead of him to the bedroom.

Namjoon couldn't suppress the laugh that left him as he watched your ass while you plopped on the bed. With an extra pep in his step, he followed you to the bed, loosening his tie as he made his way to you.

He was in control, but you knew just how to bend him to your will.

The gravity of the situation hit you like a train as Namjoon unbuttoned his blazer, eye contact unwavering as he tossed it on the couch. The white dress shirt outlined his sculpted body ever so slightly and you let out a shaky breath, letting you head hit the bed as you leaned back, panties mindlessly showing from beneath your sundress.

This wasn't a fantasy or a dream, it was your life. This man was about to fuck you into oblivion and you had no idea how to make him feel good. Your previous experience did not prepare you for this at all. Your previous lovers had all been both ugly inside and out idiots who could barely get themselves off, let alone you. Not that you were a sex god yourself. You never sucked their dick before, nor did you have any idea how to effectively. Not that they ever went down on you. Oh shit, did you shave? Does he care? How does your breath smell? How could you not have considered-

"Fuck!" Your back arched as Namjoon pulled your underwear to the side, tongue licking a stripe up you bare slit.

Namjoon hummed in delight of your taste, dark eyes making contact with yours. He was warning you. He was telling you not to wander away from him. While he loved your overactive mind, he required your full attention. He needed you 100% with him in this moment, "You taste divine." His voice was heavy, "More." It was almost primal the way he slipped your panties down your legs, enjoying the way the dainty dress looked framing the bare sex. He elected to keep the dress on for now as he pushed the flowy fabric up to your hips which he leaned into your pussy.

Your eyes rolled back at the sensation of his tongue licking a deeper stripe, parting your lips with the muscle as he gather your juices on his taste buds blissfully. Your body shuddered at your own pleasure, "J-Joon." Was all you could manage as each short lick went deeper making you squirm.

"You're so fucking sensitive, fuck." He grunted, the dress fabric he held at your hips wrinkling under his closed fists as he went to work on your clit, sending your over the edge as you came quickly and with minimal effort on Namjoon's part.

However, instead of stopping him, the flow of juices only further spurred his as his mouth went to pay more attention to the very hold he couldn't wait to have for his out as his tongue lapped up the liquid, the lewdness and oversensitivity making your body jerk in vain. Namjoon had your hips held firmly in place as he enjoyed his meal. His tongue entered you and he let out a moan against you at how tight you felt just from his tongue fucking you.

"Too much- it- I came already- shit!" You attempted to roll your hips against his mouth as he overstimulated the brain function out of you. His tongue fucked you better than anyone in your past had as his nose nudged against your clit. When he pushed his tongue as deep as he could he could feel you squeezing. With this encouragement, he began to move his tongue ever so slightly, sending you over the edge again as your back rose from the bed, chest to the heavens, "Joon!" You moaned wantonly before deflating as Namjoon slowly withdrew his mouth from you, "Fuck me." You were breathless, fingers weak as he watched you attempt to unbutton your dress. He hesitated, but nevertheless assisted you as your dress was now spread, your body nearly bare until you unhooked your bra, "You'll give me what I want, right?" You pouted as you gossed the bra off your body and he felt his mouth water as he soaked in your body.

"I'll always give you what you want, my love, but you should rest a bit-"

"But I don't just want it." You struggled to catch you breath in the lusty atmosphere, "I need you, Sir."

Never in Namjoon's life had he stripped himself bare so quickly. Your words sent him into a frenzy until he was just as bare as you. You outstretched your arms and he leaned down so you could run your hands over his toned chest and stomach. He guided in and he hissed as your nails scratched his muscular body at the stretch. Despite this, you were nearly drooling at the pain, Never had being stretched felt good, but you couldn't get enough. You wanted to be full.

You shifted your body down and both you and Namjoon moaned out in harmony as you were now wrapped around his entire length. He cursed, "Fuck you're so tight for me, sweet pea." His moans were low as he moved ever so slowly, shallow thrusts as you went wild beneath him, "Look at you, squirming, stretching, such a brat." He thrusted hard and you squeaked, "You can never have enough, huh?"

Another hard thrust shook your bed as Namjoon leaned over you, his forearms on either side of your head as your arms clawed at his muscular back, "Never enough of you, Sir." You could hardly consider your words, but they struck Namjoon as he caught your mouth in sloppy kiss as he sped up. You made him alive as the pleasure only added to the high. The ruthless pace shook the bed even harder, much to your delight.

"I love you, baby." He was beyond fucked out as he chased his climax inside of you.

You were even more fucked out as you felt another orgasm approaching, and quicky, "Fuck, fuck, I love you Joon, I-" You cut yourself off with a scream as you clenched around Namjoon's girth.

This, along with your confession, sent him over the edge as he came, deep thrusts slowing down as he painted you from the inside with warmth you enjoyed. He slowly slid out of you and groaned lowly at the suction you provided until he was fully detached from you. He let out a heavy breath as he leaned over your form, placing a kiss on your neck before burying his face in it. You welcomed his weight as you both gathered yourselves.

Ten minutes must've gone by until Namjoon broke the silence beyond bated breath, "I meant it." He murmured and your heart squeezed.

The fear of your next words dissipated the moment pushed himself up to look at your face. He looked as though he was about to back track, but you didn't let him, "I did too." You gave him one of your signature smiles, "I love you, Sir." You teased and gasped when you felt his dick twitch ever so slightly.

"Brat." He playfully seethed before attacking your face and neck with soft kisses, making you giggle.

----

You made your plight up the skyscraper for the second time with a less nervous aura. It had been a couple months or so since Namjoon and you had sealed the deal, so to speak. Things had been going great. He was the best boyfriend you could've asked for. He was supportive, kind, attentive, and all good things between. Recently, however, he had been extremely busy, and you had been extremely bored. You were in between exhibitions and had already beat deadlines for the next one, so you were left with cancelled dates and your hand. Of course you helped him with work with your limited skills.

The tray of drinks and a bag of food occupied your hands as you took a peek at your watch. Another day of overtime for your loving boyfriend. You just about had it eating alone for these past couple weeks. He fucked your brains out and then abruptly had no time to after a short two weeks of domestic and euphoric bliss. It wasn't fair. Thus, you took matters into your own hands. He had a strategy meeting which, as he explained, would consist of him scolding his employees. Logically, you would hate to intrude, but selfishly, you wanted to see him.

Surely he wouldn't spend over two hours overanalyzing his subordinates' work and scolding them?

Right?

"...Turn to page 13 of the report and see where I've highlighted the blatant misinformation on line 7." Namjoon's voice was sharp despite being as exhausted as his employees. Monday was a big presentation he had to entrust to the newer employees and upon reviewing the handouts to accompany a good-enough pitch, he was severely disappointed. There had been typos, incorrect graphs, and blatant lies littered throughout. To top it off, the slacking managers signed off on it prior to it reaching Namjoon. This left him no choice but to cut hours in the week to make time for this colossal scolding for lack of attention to detail, "It's beyond me how anyone expected this to be remotely acceptable to present in front of me, let alone investors. This fairy tale book was a grandiose waste of my time, and for what? To save some of you managers a couple minutes of revision?" The department heads shrunk in their seats under his razor sharp gaze. The booklet was littered with yellow and pink highlighter marks along with red pen notations, making them feel like school children. Even so, Namjoon had been known to terminate and replace entire teams in the span of time he spent revising the proposal. With this in mind, the workers were just thankful to have a job to speak on.

The atmosphere was tense, filled with anger and shame among the employees until, "Tsk, tsk, tsk, it's like the principal's office in here." Your cheery voice sliced through the tension as you clicked your tongue playfully, "Nothing like a good scolding from the boss man."

"Sweet pea?" You flashed a smile and the employees attempted to shield their whiplash from Namjoon's suddenly cheery tone, "What are you doing here?"

You held up the food, "Being selfish." You winked at him before addressing the sweating office workers, "Hello! My name is y/n, nice to meet you!" You politely bowed and were met with wary smiles. The workers glanced to Namjoon only to see an uncharacteristic smile on his face, “I’m Namjoon’s girlfriend, and I have heard so much about you,” You beamed, “Mostly good things, believe it or not.” You winked as you nearly skipped your way to the aforementioned boss man, “Don’t mind me, dear, I can wait for you.” You smiled cheekily as you sat next to an extremely sweaty employee.

“Well, darling, I imagine they have heard quite enough of me today.” Namjoon mused as his hand went to pat your head affectionately, not caring about his stunned subordinates, “I’ll let you decide what I should do from here, because I still have some materials to go over, but I’ll make an exception in favor of your judgement.”

Hopeful eyes darted to your form. The employees studied you. You were dressed in colorful clothing, playful earrings hung from your ears as your nails shined with the glitter you gleefully painted on them. Your eyes were bright, eager, ready to take on the world it seemed. The employees couldn’t help but wonder when they used to have that shimmer. Some of them had bitterly determined you were some gold digger or mindless trust fund baby. You hadn’t been the sharp, calculated, female version of Namjoon they would’ve pictured his girlfriend to be. That, plus Namjoon was very evidently in love with you. Never had they seen him cut a meeting short for anyone, even the other directors had to wait outside the meeting room.

You leaned your chin onto your palm, tapping your cheek in thought. Namjoon would occasionally ask for your advice, your minor in business management finally coming into use. You were definitely the good cop to Namjoon’s drill sergeant, especially when it came to this proposal, “Well, what say you all get an extra credit opportunity?” Your voice was melodic as you stood, “I was initially coming up here to redo the proposal myself, since Joon was going to… uh…” You trailed off, unsure how to put it.

“Y/n here was the lovely pink highlighter, has been offered the position of Co-Director by the CEO herself, and she has the credentials to replace all of you.” His voice made the crowd of office workers flinch, while some of them eyed your gleeful form in shock while you gave another smile, “I had been debating whether to suspend the lot of you without pay or terminate you, but it seems y/n is your savior tonight.”

“You give me too much credit.” You lightly slapped his bicep shyly as the employees held in a gasp at someone coming in contact with the ruthless and cold director, “Why don’t you all redo the proposal, hm?” You flicked your wrist to look at your watch, “You have about three hours before it becomes alarmingly late, it’s not safe to be in garages that deep into nightfall.” You showed them actual concern, “I’ll be more than happy to look it over when you believe you're done before it gets to the big boss man, here, but I hope you all will carefully check your own work too.” You were met with thankful glances, “I’m much more forgiving than Joon here, but if I find you squander this chance, not even I can save you, okay?” Frantic nods were tossed your way and you beamed at them with an infectious smile, “Great!” You clasped your hands together, “Joon and I will be in his office eating, I brought some little snacks for you all too.” You mused placing the plastic bag you had in your purse on the table, “Good luck!”

The moment the door shut to Namjoon’s office, you were in his arms, “Why don’t you talk sweet to me instead, baby?” He murmured against your ear, “I don’t like how they look at you when you smiled like that.”

You pulled back to place a quick kiss on his lips, “I don’t like how you don’t look at me when things like this happen.” You countered with an irresistible pout which he quickly kissed away, “Plus, they only look at me like that because you’re so spooky.” You pointed out as you sat on the plush leather couch.

"I have been pretty absent, huh?" He scratched the back of his neck as he plopped down next to you.

"We've only exchanged business emails about that dumb proposal basically." You huffed, "Then, you make me all flustered in front of the poor souls by-"

"Pointing out how amazing and capable you are?" His eyes flickered to you as he took a bite out of the meal your brought him, "I could see the way some of them looked at you, like you didn't know what you were talking about." He seethed, "Not to even mention how some of them looked at your body. It's so disrespectful, I had to let them know that if I had it my way you would be the only one in my department."

You placed a hand on the clenched fist Namjoon had. He always got extremely worked up each time you were treated as anything less than royalty. You could only thank the stars that he didn't know you while you were beginning your career as an artist, who knows what he would have done to the countless creepy property managers and haughty curators. Surely, it would be a bloodbath. Figuratively, you like to say. Namjoon would never hurt a fly, but when it came down to people who looked at you with anything he deemed an ill-intent, he would just about see red. You couldn't say you hated this trait, because an extremely selfish part of you enjoyed his undying love, and proved to reciprocate his resolve when the tables were turned. However, you were thankful you could quell the fire he stoked with rage. You were thankful he told you such emotions before they got out of hand.

You watch as his hand relaxed, gripping yours tenderly as he smiled, "Well, as long as they know you're not just mine, but you're the most invaluable asset I could ask for."

You chuckled at this, "You need to work on your sweet talk, it seems you're still in director mode." You placed as short kiss on his lips, "But I love you for it anyway." You giggled a little, "But if I go another stretch of time without attention again I'll be much more impulsive than a late night dinner." You couldn't call Namjoon the crazy one when his affection proved to be a drug you needed constantly, a drug you could feel the withdrawals from. Just like any addict, you could get unhinged without it.

Namjoon nodded, understanding better than anyone what you meant before bringing you in for a longer kiss. He knew better than anyone what neglect could do to the human mind, especially when the attention was so addicting. He knew what crazy meant, and he would never dream of making you feel as he does all the time. His skin pricks when your hands aren't on him, his hands tremor without your own within them, and he finds his mind wandering to darker places at the thought of all the people who look at you just as he can. He had too much power, too many resources at his disposal to be devoted to you. Maybe you knew this. Maybe you both had too much to loose if it meant losing each other.

Maybe being with a man as potentially dangerous as he could be was the adrenaline you needed all this time. An addictive thrill. Your constant fix of dopamine and you, his continuous flow of serotonin.

The both of you junkies for one another.

Masterlist Ko-Fi

#bts fic #yandere bts #bts smut #bts fluff #yandere namjoon #soft yandere namjoon #kim namjoon #kim namjon fic #namjoon smut #yandere bts smut #yandere smut

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lifeonashelf · 4 years ago

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COHEN, LEONARD

So, here’s the thing: I don’t know anything about Leonard Cohen.

I do own two of his most acclaimed albums, but don’t get too excited. I bought both of them the week of Cohen’s passing solely because learning of his passing made me realize I didn’t have anything by him in my collection, and he’s always been on my radar as an artist I should probably know some things about, you know? I listened to those two discs one day while I was cleaning my apartment or something, and they were lovely and pleasant and sounded great, but then I filed them away on my shelf and that was essentially the extent of my immersion into the world of Leonard Cohen. I know the reissues I purchased are noteworthy entries in his discography, because they’re housed in these rather attractive hardcover digipacks with booklets that feature lengthy contextual essays written by people way smarter than me. I suppose I could read those essays and glean a little information about Cohen that way, but then I’d just be offering you disingenuous regurgitation, and I don’t want to fake anything in these pages; that’s kind of counteractive to the entire purpose of me writing these dumb things. So if you want to read a thoughtful essay about Leonard Cohen constructed by someone who I assume knows enough about Leonard Cohen to warrant being paid to write an essay about him, you should definitely seek out the striking deluxe editions of Songs From a Room and Songs of Love and Hate I’m referring to, because both have essays in them, and they’re printed on glossy paper so they’re probably pretty good (very few crappy essays get preserved on glossy paper).

No one is paying me to write this essay about Leonard Cohen—they’d be pretty stupid to do so, since I don’t know anything about Leonard Cohen—but I have that pair of records and he’s the next artist on alphabetical deck. So here we are.

Actually, you know what? Before we get started, I’m going to go ahead and advise you to just skip this piece altogether.

Hear me out. I can’t imagine this is going to be one of my better entries; considering my not knowing anything about the person I’m supposed to be writing about and all, the odds of my somehow summoning literary gold here aren’t particularly strong. Also, Leonard Cohen is a highly respected artist, and based on the listening I’m doing right now, he definitely deserves that respect—I’m on my second spin of Songs from a Room and it is an absolutely beautiful record. But what am I accomplishing by telling you that? You probably already know Songs From a Room is an absolutely beautiful record, and if you don’t, you should totally listen to it right this minute instead of reading anything I might observe about it, because the album is a whole lot better than this essay is going to be. I’ve been down this road before, so I can tell you exactly what’s about to happen here: I’m going to keep prattling on with gibberish just like this and end up embarrassing myself by blowing yet another chance to write something substantial about a substantial artist. I guess I could comment on how much I like the two Cohen songs that were used to bookend the mindfuck of a film Natural Born Killers or something, but what purpose will that serve? There, I commented on it, and biting into those ‘member berries hasn’t magically ignited some spirited dissertation, has it? Look, I’m saying this because I care: I really think you should call it quits on this piece right here and now, before you get in too deep. I’m already doomed, but it’s not too late to save yourself. Run, go, get to the choppah. Fly away, Clarice, fly fly fly. ‘Member?

Okay, you’ve been duly warned. So if you do decide to continue on, I’m not going to feel terribly bad about wasting your time, especially since I essentially just promised you anything I write from this point forward is going to be a waste of your time. I mean, everything I’ve written so far has also been a waste of your time, but I haven’t written that much yet. And at least the stuff I wrote so far has served a purpose: it cautioned you that everything to come is going to be an even bigger waste of your time. I can’t promise any of the supplemental paragraphs I’m about to compose will be worth even that much, so I really have to advise you to take a moment here and consider your situation carefully. Weighing everything I’ve just told you about my not knowing anything about Leonard Cohen (and, just to be clear, I’m not playfully minimizing that disposition; I honestly don’t know shit about him), along with my stated unambiguous surety that I am about to waste an indefinite amount of your time (you must be familiar with my work by now; it’s totally plausible this thing could end up running 15 pages)—do you really want to read any of more of this? It’s still not too late to back out. Your time investment thus far is minimal. You can just move right along to the next piece (it’s about Coldplay, so I’m sure that essay is going to be way funnier than this one). My feelings won’t be hurt, I promise. I can hardly fault you for not reading this, because there isn’t any reason at all you should read this. Unless you just really enjoy reading these entries in general, but that seems highly unlikely because nobody enjoys reading them—shit, I only enjoy every fifth one or so, and I write the fucking things.

Check it out: usually by this point in a composition, I would be painstakingly rereading what I’ve written so far to make sure I’m off to an okay start, right? But I haven’t done that in this case because I already know everything I’ve written so far is garbage. This piece isn’t going to improve, either. And that’s what I’m really trying to get across to you here: I am woefully ill-equipped to write anything about Leonard Cohen that is as excellent as his music—I just listened to Songs of Love and Hate a couple times, and holy shit, that’s an absolutely beautiful record too. You may assume I’m continuing this obnoxious diatribe because I’m setting you up for some grand gag (granted, it’s a fair guess, because I’ve done that a few times in entries past). But I’m not joking when I say that I’m not joking in this instance. This rambling philological self-fellation is not going to coalesce into something worthwhile; it’s just going to go on and on like this until I decide I’m done fucking with you and then this essay will just sort of… end, without preamble or satisfaction. I’m telling you, if you keep reading this, you are going to be super pissed off when you finish it. You’ll get to the conclusion, and you’ll grumble, “That’s it…? That was stupid.” And you will be right, because that will be it and it will be stupid.

Since that will be transpiring soon, we should probably clarify that at this point, when it does it’s going to be entirely your fault. If you go all the way back to the beginning of this twaddle, you’ll clearly see the very first thing I wrote was, “So, here’s the thing: I don’t know anything about Leonard Cohen.” That was the opening fucking sentence, dude. Seriously, what did you think was going to happen after that? And only a few lines later, I wrote: “I’m going to go ahead and advise you to just skip this piece altogether.” Then came that whole part about how reading this was going to be a total waste of your time, blah blah blah. You can check if you want; it’s all totally in there. I’m sure you didn’t think I’d be reprinting complete sentences you already read—and, you know what, yes, that’s kind of a low blow, I’m realizing now—but after I took the time to explain in detail that this essay would likely end up serving no purpose whatsoever, surely that must have given you pause. I mean, didn’t you think to yourself, “Wait a minute, before I read this essay, is it going to serve some purpose?” As I’ve made abundantly clear, the answer is: No. No, it is not. I was pretty up front about that. In fact, I specifically told you not to read it—“there isn’t any reason at all you should read this”; is that ringing a bell at all? So if you are still reading it, that’s kind of on you, dude. Sure, I could have stopped writing a long time ago and spared you from all of this bullshit, but let’s not get caught up in semantics.

Have you seen the movie Reservoir Dogs? I’m assuming you have, but if you haven’t, you can add that to the list of far more fulfilling things you could be doing right now instead of reading this essay. Anyway, the film is centered around the aftermath of a jewelry store robbery gone horrifically wrong. We don’t actually see the caper take place, but the characters reference it enough along the way for us to get a clear sense of things devolving into a bloodbath after one of the robbers, Mr. Blonde (played by Michael Madsen) shoots numerous people inside the establishment. Is it coming back to you now? Good. There’s a reason I’m bringing this up.

Since Madsen is absent for a lot of the movie, the audience’s understanding of the storyline relies mostly on what the characters played by Steve Buscemi and Harvey Keitel share with us about what has occurred. Their perspective is clear: Mr. Blonde went crazy and started killing people, and that’s why the whole heist went tits up. However, when Madsen finally appears at the warehouse where the bulk of the plot’s action takes place, he presents an entirely different assessment of the exact same incident. It is here that the movie shifts into the subtle employment of a narrative device known as the “Rashomon Effect,” so-named because this formula’s introduction to Western film-goers is commonly credited to the 1950 Akira Kurosawa film Rashomon—a picture which we can assume in hindsight Reservoir Dogs creator Quentin Tarantino was consciously invoking since his filmography has since revealed a heart-on-sleeve fandom for the work of that storied Japanese director (several Tarantino flicks make reference to this allegiance, but his Kill Bill films in particular are at their core unashamed modern reimaginings of Kurosawa’s legendary Samurai epics). I won’t recount the entire plot of Rashomon, since doing so would be superfluous here (as opposed to all of this shit I’m writing about Reservoir Dogs, which is obviously vitally important to this essay about Leonard Cohen). All you really need to know for our purposes is that the crux of the story is a singular event which is assigned completely disparate interpretations by the various people in the film who witness it. Which is precisely what happens when Michael Madsen makes his entrance.

Now, I’ve seen Reservoir Dogs many times, but not enough times to have the dialogue faithfully memorized; you’ll have to forgive me if I paraphrase a bit here. Essentially, Keitel’s character calls Mr. Blonde a “maniac” or something to that effect, a designation based on Madsen’s character opening fire upon one of the store’s clerks for what Keitel perceives as “no reason at all.” Madsen’s response to this slanted accusation is fascinating. In direct repudiation of his labelling as a “maniac” seconds before, he continues calmly drinking his soda as he amends Keitel’s analysis of the murder by providing a remarkably lucid and utilitarian explanation for the killing: “I told her not to press the alarm, but she did. If she hadn’t done the thing that I told her not to do, then I wouldn’t have shot her.”

It seems we are sharing our own Rashomon moment, my friends. You may feel like your time has been wasted, and it certainly has. But I am not the one who wasted it. That was you. I told you not to read this essay, but you did. If you hadn’t done the thing I told you not to do…

Mr. Cohen: I am truly sorry. Your music is stunning, and you deserve far better than this.

As for the rest of you: I mean, dude, I fucking told you.

March 31, 2019

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ninja-go-to-therapy · 5 years ago

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I don’t trust Kat to give you context, so I’ll do it this time.

I decided to write something based on some stuff we were talking about. I don’t have the most confidence and this is more related to her stuff anyways, so while convincing me to post it, she offered to host it here. This has the added bonus of it being HER that hits post, limiting my chance to chicken out.

So enjoy this out of context thing I wrote because Kat is a bad influence.

-grungekitty-77

Eleanor knew she was an artist from a young age. From the moment she took he first picture she knew she’d found her calling. Other girls played dolls, she focused on posing them. She took photos of everything, always looking for something she hadn’t seen before. She got bored often and nothing frustrated her more than having nothing interesting to photograph.

From a young age she was hailed as a prodigy. Her eye was so unique, and she had a knack for finding things and making them interesting, things nobody realized could be that interesting. So, she had no trouble getting a start at a studio.

She hated family portraits. She hated them with a passion. They always wanted the same straight on angle and it was so painfully boring. They were frustrating to work with, they were all the same stiff smiles, one shot no different than the next. No talent or expression. She’d outright refuse them if they weren’t keeping the lights on.

She was ready for another grueling photoshoot that brought no fulfillment and wasted her talents. This family had an unruly kid.

Eleanor never really go the appeal of kids. They were loud and needy and usually a mess. They did provide more interest than their parents though. The boy screamed randomly at one point, much to his parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents’ dismay.

He laughed at their frowns and Eleanor captured it. The emotions and dynamics were the most interesting thing she’d gotten so far.

The boy got lectured by his mom and pouted. The adults were back to their static smiles, but he displayed his emotions, not looking at the camera or standing straight. Eleanor captured that too, focusing on the boy’s emotional journey.

The adults got frustrated with him as he fidgeted, and their smiles dropped. His mother pulled him aside and screamed at him. He shrunk down and started to cry. She captured it.

Then she hugged him, telling him that she loved him and just needed him to behave. Eleanor captured her favorite shot of the shoot. It was a photo she’d have framed and hung in her house for years to come and would be her favorite for a long time.

This child, crying and filled with shame, clinging to his mother, comforted by the very cause of his tears. The vulnerability, the emotions, the submission, it was all something Eleanor hadn’t seen before.

The rest of the shoot went normally, the kid even having some real fun by the end, but Eleanor never forgot how that mother had the power to control her child’s emotions like that.

Family portraits stopped being so boring after that day. Eleanor stopped focusing on trying to make something worthwhile within the stifling constraints, and instead focused on how much power mothers had over the children. How if Eleanor needed something from them, the mother would provide it. Telling the child directly rarely worked but asking the mother to tell the child always did. It was like they weren’t interacting with the world as their own beings, they could only understand what was filtered through their mothers. Eleanor became obsessed with that power. The power to control another’s reality like that. A mother was her child’s whole world, and she could shape that world as she pleased.

Eventually her artistic work gained enough of a following that she never had to do a family portrait again, much to her relief. She hated working through the mothers. She may’ve been fascinating with their power over their children, but she wanted to have her own and constantly borrowing theirs was getting irksome. She wanted to shape her own worlds, and not have to work around the worlds these women had already shaped.

She still didn’t want a baby though. She wanted the control of her subject being a mother brought, not a child to raise.

Her dilemma sent her on a path to find others like her, a path that led to a private online forum. It was full of people like her, people that were obsessed with controlling, with shaping a world and having total power over it. She finally had people that understood what was going on in her head. Not all of them approached it from the same angle as her, but they all wanted to control a subject. She made good friends.

Itssnowing: have you thought about a pet?

SkullsandRibbons: maybe….

Itssnowing: Get a pretty little thing and train it. I know where you can get a lovely little purebred. It might fill the hole.

Eleanor took her friend up on his suggestion and got Lucy.

At first Eleanor was happy to have a new subject, but quickly she got frustrated. Lucy didn’t listen. She couldn’t get Lucy to do what she wanted, and all of her shots were off center or blurry because Lucy refused to hold a position.

Itssnowing suggested she send her off to get trained and Eleanor again, took his advice.

It worked. Lucy came back ready to obey orders. Eleanor was delighted for about a month and a half.

Then Lucy got boring. She looked the same as any other pure breed. She had the same few emotions and responses; the interest ran out. Eleanor ran out of new things to capture. She hated taking repeats of shots she already had.

Lucy was sold.

Itssnowing: Why? I would love having something so pretty in my house. A living, breathing piece of art that’s just for you.

SkullsandRibbons: Why would I want something I can see anywhere? There’s nothing new about it. Nothing unique. Nothing raw! Nothing new to see. It’s boring!

Itssnowing: I guess I’m just boring then. I’d much rather a quiet afternoon at home with a pretty little thing snuggled on my lap.

SkullsandRibbons: Well you’re an office worker, I’m an artist! I need something fulfilling!

Itssnowing: Suit yourself then.

SkullsandRibbons: I’m gonna go to the shelter tomorrow, see if they had anything interesting.

Itssnowing: You want a MUTT!?

SkullsandRibbons: Absolutely! No two are identical. I might actually capture something unique!

Itssnowing: I don’t understand you… but I suppose I don’t have to understand your tastes.

Eleanor laughed at her friend. She shared almost everything with Snowing. He got all the shots she took of her new rescue. He even admitted that the pictures were marvelous, though he still had his own tastes.

Eleanor got bored too easily. She decided to foster, so that she’d get a different subject every once and a while. She definitely preferred the rescues over Lucy. They all had stories and intrigue and were far more dependent on her attention. She could brighten them right up with a little affection, and then destroy them by ignoring them for a minute. Best was that she could do it all over again and it still worked.

But dogs got boring. She needed something fresh, something entirely unique, something that screamed at her to be captured and focused on.

She was browsing the internet one day and a headline caught her interest. She’d vaguely heard about the ninja, but she hadn’t actually seen any real pictures yet, so she clicked the article just to see what kind of pictures it had.

The green ninja made her eyes roll. Scared boy trying too hard to look strong and important and nothing else. A few candid shots had potential, but he seemed to only be himself when he didn’t know he was being seen, which would be pointless to explore with a camera.

The white ninja made her cringe. He had nothing to give. Well, the interesting anatomy could be worked with, but the ninja himself was a stiff subject that had nothing to see.

The blue ninja was all energy, no form. She could probably get some good shots, but it would get very one note after a short while.

The black ninja at least seemed to know how to hold himself, though he didn’t seem to have any interest in being a good subject. He’d make a decent model for brand work, but he’d be worthless in any artistic projects.

The girl was a brat. She refused to be a subject. It was a non-starter.

It was the red ninja that made her stop breathing. Then she boiled over in rage.

He was…He was perfect. He was gorgeous. He had an effortless look with just enough edge to make you want to know more. He was stunning, and the framing was the worst she’d ever seen!

They focused on the complete wrong place, and the lighting was just….oh it burned her. Here was this boy being the perfect subject, all the stars aligned, and the photographer ruined it!

She searched him up, she had to know what he looked like when he was given the attention he deserved.

Kai Smith.

She found his social media and started to scroll through. He posted his own pictures and he had no training in photography, but at least he wasn’t ruining anything. She poured over each selfie. His eyes burned with mischief and passion, his face had beautiful angles no matter which way he turned, and he seemed to love being observed. He was preforming. Giving pieces of himself for others to see. Eleanor continues to scroll and fantasized about capturing those pieces and propping them up correctly. She could make something magical out of him. His expressions told stories, he wore his emotions like jewels and Eleanor had to know more.

She spent the next week obsessing over everything she could learn about Kai Smith, her new muse. And she found something she hated even more than boring subjects, seeing someone mishandle a beautiful subject like Kai.

They all were too focused on Lloyd, who looked uncomfortable half the time he was on camera.

Nya wasn’t always an awful subject; she seemed a lot more willing to be captured if her brother was there with her.

She was right about Cole. He had the training, but no passion for it.

Jay was an attention hog and she found herself annoyed with him. Too overpowering, he didn’t leave the artist any room to work.

Zane was everything she thought he was. No surprises there.

But Kai…

The pictures where he was angry were the best. He had such a raw emotion. He let everyone see how he felt and let the image have the power of what he felt. He let his soul be seen.

She learned all she could about him.

He had a tragic backstory. Something with teeth, no wonder he had a touch of a wounded look. He had no mother to shape the world for him. This interested Eleanor even more. Kai seemed to have filtered the world for his little sister, and seemingly Lloyd too, but he seemed to lack anyone that could reshape his world as they saw fit.

He was wayward child.

The thought made Eleanor smile. Kai had no mother to compete with. There was no woman she’d have to fight with to take control of his world. He was what she had wanted so desperately. A beautiful and interesting subject she could control.

Oh, how she’d love to have him.

#you are completely right I'm a horrible influence #but u love me anyway #also I love it :D #Ninjago #not my writing #Eleanor #it only gets worse from here #:D #ninjago fanfiction #submission

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liquidthedefunctblog · 5 years ago

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The White Mamba and the spinning top

A fanfic in which a rage filled child takes on his rivals.

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Eli stared his rival in the eye as he held the spinning top in position. One of the child soldiers had found the toy lodged in a grate recently, and it had since taken its place as the most valuable item on Mother Base for all of them. Surely the one who could spin it for the longest must be the strongest, smartest member of the group. Eli didn't enjoy partaking in such children's games of course, but this was no game. If the White Mamba were to reassert his dominance as leader of the group he would have to defeat any challengers in a duel of spin the top. His 'comrade' Etepe was the current champion, with a spin time of 27 seconds. Eli would not take this lightly, and while he was initially hesitant to engage in such activities it was Etepe's betrayal that spurred him to enter the ring. Said 'ring' being the crowd of children who surrounded the two, ready to watch the day's battle. Eli held the top, this was a battle of wits and not strength. He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. Upon opening them he cast Etepe a diabolical smirk and let the top go.

The crowd watched with nervous anticipation, could Eli reclaim his place as leader? The top spun, and spun, and spun while the children dutifully counted.

"Twenty five"

"Twenty six"

"Twenty seven"

"Twenty eight"

At this moment the top began to stutter somewhat, before eventually stopping.

"Thirty seconds!"

Eli rose from the ground, victorious. His victory was decisive, far beyond what anyone else could hope to achieve. No matter how hard the rest tried, they could never surpass the White Mamba! The children cheered on their leader. Eli looked down at Etepe, the treacherous fool who had attempted to usurp control of the group. He'd make sure Etepe got what was coming to him, but not now. Now was a moment of triumph!

Eli raised his fist and cheered, with the rest following suit.

As the crowd began to calm down and dissipate, the mysterious gas mask wearing child floated over. "The Third Boy" was what Eli had heard the higher ups call him. Eli didn't trust this "Third Boy", but he was a valuable asset. He seemed to be intent on executing Eli's will no matter what, which until the discovery of the spinning top had been a great asset in asserting his control. Maybe he could help control what was left of the crowd. To Eli's surprise however, the boy simply floated past him and over to the spinning top. He raised his right arm, which as per usual was covered by an untied straitjacket. The boy then turned the top upright and began spinning it, all without even getting close enough to touch it himself. The top span for what seemed like an eternity, never losing any of its momentum. It went on and on for 30 seconds and beyond. Eli simply stood in place, a look of shock on his face, as the crowd that once adored him rushed over to the young psychic. The Third Boy himself did not acknowledge this crowd, instead keeping his focus on the spinning top.

From several meters away Kazuhira Miller and Revolver Ocelot stood and watched the unusual sport. After a while Miller spoke up.

"How the hell are they enjoying that piece of crap so much?"

"You said you wanted them to be kids Miller, this is how kids work."

"I guess so. At least they aren't attacking our men anymore, or each other for that matter."

"They needed something to compete for. As pointless as it is, that top provides said competition. You really should have figured this out a while ago."

Miller scowled, "We don't have the budget to entertain kids, okay."

"And your "Ultimate Burger" is a more worthwhile investment?"

"Shut up, that thing is gonna- Wait, what the hell is Eli doing?"

Ocelot turned his head to where Miller was looking. Eli seemed to be screaming about something, but the other children were ignoring him completely. In a fit of rage he proceeded to run at the top, still spinning thanks to the Third Boy's powers, and kick it over the edge of the platform and into the ocean.

"..."

"I'll get the security team ready."

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It's not Hal and Dave play the Twin Snakes part 2, but it's a Metal Gear fanfic which means I've fulfilled my legal obligation to provide MG content. This means the next fanfic can be whatever I damn well feel like writing... how exciting.

#mgs #psycho mantis #liquid snake #mgsv #fanfic #metal gear #metalgear #motherbaseantics #spinning top

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talesfromthefade · 5 years ago

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Not sure if this is quite silly enough to completely fulfill your prompt, but there are some moments of laughter and light-heartedness amidst the rest and this is where the prompt of paint took me. Hope you enjoy! :) Neva Lavellan x Solas (College/Uni AU), for @dadrunkwriting @ladylike-foxes & @contreparry

“You know, I was doing just fine before you came over,” Neva interjects. Solas hums in acknowledgment as he finishes setting up the new paint tray and dips his roller into the bucket. “I was,” she insists huffily.

“Well, now you won’t have to spend all night on it,” he offers politely, brushing over a yet untouched patch of wall. Neva scowls. He’s right, of course. He often is, but she’ll be damned if she wants to admit as much. This day has been absolutely terrible, one thing after another, after another, and there’s that familiar itch to vent it somehow, to shout or take it out on someone. As usual, Solas isn’t going to rise to the bait. Normally she’d find her way to the rink, skate until she’s dead on her feet, except she needs to get this painting done if she wants to get her safety deposit back when she’s out at the end of the month. Drinking wouldn’t actually help with much, especially her 8am class tomorrow, but the half-empty bottle of Jack in the cabinet has certainly been tempting.

“Have you found a new place yet?”

“No,” Neva replies, scowling again. “The last interview they didn’t come right out and say so, but they weren’t nearly so keen after they saw my ears.” Solas nods sympathetically, frowning slightly. He doesn’t bother to say how wrong or illegal that is, or fill the air between them with the sort of useless platitudes any of her peers might, so maybe having him here isn’t all bad… “I’ll find something.” Neva isn’t sure whether the words are more for his or her own benefit, and dips her roller a little too vigorously into the paint tin, splashing a few drops on the tarp and the tops of her shoes.

“The paint is meant to be for the walls, Lethallan,” Solas teases with a twitch of a smile at the corner of his mouth. Neva steps back onto her stool and runs the roller over the top of his perfectly smooth head. When he doesn’t immediately shout at her, she lets herself laugh as she admires her handiwork. He smiles. No doubt it will be more of an effort to remove it later after it dries, but Solas makes no moves for any of the rags on the floor to wipe it off.

“I can’t go back,” Neva says finally, picking up the roller and returning to the wall once more, worrying the inside of her lip. She could. Technically. Deshanna has never once said or given any indication that she wouldn’t be welcome back any time, but the very thought makes her stomach turn. She’d been… tolerated at best, because of her talents and scholastic aptitude, her successes lauded only as a reflection of her excellent tutelage rather than any skill or efforts on her part, and always second to their golden-haired child. She’d left angry, determined, and she still is. “I won’t,” she corrects herself. “I’ll find something, some way of making it work.”

“You could stay with me,” Solas offers, not looking up from the new section of wall he’s begun going over. “Until you were able to find something else.”

“I’d drive you nuts,” Neva laughs, absently dropping her arm in her surprise and painting a stripe on the hideous and far too large coveralls she picked up from a local thrift store for the project.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Inside of a week.” Solas shakes his head, and Neva forces herself to replace her roller in her tray before she makes any more mess with it. “You’re serious. Can you even do that?”

“Why not?”

“I’m a student, for one.”

“Not one of mine,” Solas replies cooly, though he finally stops to put his own roller down and turn to face her. “Any other objections?”

“I- What do you get out of it?”

“A break on the rent,” he suggests. When she continues to look wary and nonplussed, he adds, “I don’t expect anything else to change between us. Now isn’t the moment to say how much I would enjoy the opportunity of seeing and spending more time with you,” he continues with a wry smile, “but I don’t think I’ve made much of a secret of it.”

“I was thinking of leaving,” he admits, “taking a sabbatical, at least, but I wasn’t altogether invested in coming back. Every year fewer students have any interest in taking the upper-level classes, more and more try to plagiarize and coast through my 101.”

“If you try to tell me that knocking you down on my skates because I was late for work-” Neva interrupts shaking her head, but Solas just laughs.

“That was just the first time you knocked me down. You were a mystery. You still are,” he smiles appreciatively. “But you were right to call me out like you did. I never set out to become a teacher, exactly, but over the years I’d allowed it to become too tightly focused on the prestige and respect of the position, when that started to fade, so too did my enthusiasm for it and any efforts I made towards it. It was a passion for learning that drew me to academics. I’d forgotten. You helped me to remember that. And perhaps to appreciate there are other worthwhile things outside of it as well.”

“Like what?”

“Roller derby,” Solas replies straight-faced, before chuckling at her disbelief. “You’re right to be skeptical, I can’t say as you should expect me to join you anytime soon. But as you were fishing for compliments, allow me to say that I appreciate your skills and seeing your indomitable focus at work.” Neva means to say something to defend herself against his accusation that she was deliberately trying to pull a compliment or two out of him, but the praise that he offers is so matter-a-fact and unexpectedly smooth, she can’t seem to keep hold of her thoughts.

“Indomitable focus?”

“Presumably. I have yet to see it dominated. I imagine the sight would be… fascinating.” Fuck, Neva thinks, clenching her thighs a little tighter together as warmth and a dull throb of want begins blossoming between. Why on Earth does he have to say things like that? In that damned smooth as silk voice. And when she’s wearing the least sexy clothes imaginable.

“Do you imagine students often?” For a moment Neva wants to take the words back as soon as they’ve left her mouth, which isn’t like her. She always says exactly what’s on her mind. It’s one of the things most people love or hate about her. And she’s certainly never been one to feel guilty or apologize for doing so. This question, though, carries an unexpected weight she’s still trying to get used to. It matters, how he answers. He’s a power over her she never expected or meant to give him, to give anyone. He can’t break her heart yet, but he could certainly disappoint her. A great deal, depending on his response.

“No,” he replies firmly. “I don’t.”

“Do you imagine me often?”

“Frequently.” Neva doesn’t wait for another opening, diving forward off of her stool and into him with such force it’s a wonder she doesn’t knock the both of them down to the floor as her lips meet his in a fiery kiss. He catches her instead, lifting her up in his arms and encouraging her legs to wrap around his waist. Fingers fly to grip and pull him closer before she pulls back with a hearty laugh, showing him her now paint-covered digits. Solas smiles, shaking his head, before pulling her back down for another kiss.

There’s some azure paint encircling his wrist that peeks out now and again from beneath the cuff of Professor Solas’s shirt the following morning as he writes on his chalkboards- something resembling a small hand that gripped and tugged him back to a nearly boxed up room and a small but comfortable bed- and an only just concealed smile every time he catches sight of it.

#dadrunkwriting #solavellan #solas #lavellan #college au #contreparry #ladylike-foxes #dragon age: inquisition #da:i #dragon age #tales:neva

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gg-astrology · 6 years ago

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Hello!!! :) Your blog is super amazing & reading your posts has taught me a lot about astrology!! You writing is always on point & it's super easy to follow your analysis!! So thank you a lot! 💞 Also for the sun/moon thing, maybe you could do sagittarius sun/ pisces moon? :)

Hey there! 💕 OH thank u so much!? I’m just doing my best ;; I’m glad people are enjoying it though? 💕 And I’m really happy you think it’s easy to follow aaaah!! 💕💕

[Below Cut: Sagittarius Sun - Pisces Moon 🌛]

These people are imaginative yet flighty, romantic yet might not let themselves ‘dream’ too much because they ‘fear’ they’ll let themselves get away with it.

Sometimes they remind me of stars in the night sky

There’s an element to them that’s like: you’re only a small person in the middle of the sea. Looking at the sky above, these people twinkle so brightly outside the city-scapes. They have so much potential, and enthusiasm for big dreams and realizing those dreams. Yet, they think they’re so far out of reach, they cannot grasp them (their own dreams).

Anyways that’s a very obscure description (although they might enjoy being compared to the night sky) -- I hope you enjoy it anyways!

Sagittarius-Pisces has immense creativity and imaginative power in their mind, the thing is--they’re often very opinionated and Will Talk To You about their latest projects/interests as well (*if you mention it to them and seem genuinely interested, they Will Not Stop talking about it afterwards skdjfn but only bc they expect you to just tell them when you don’t want to hear it, maybe they’ll get hurt but they respect that)

These people have various interests where they can apply themselves in, either in consumption of media (being a casual fan about something) --- or creating medias themselves (animations/comics might be an area of interests to them)

They’re also pretty fast walkers, they like walking to places because it allows them time to absorb the environment and ‘relax’ during those periods (going out exploring lil areas, point A to point B like ‘oh there’s a wall-green there’, seeing all the neighborhoods, seeing how people do their decorations, etc. Thinking about their ‘dream house’)

They’re aware of their surroundings however, and tend to be cautious of other people on the street (either hollering at them or disturbing them) so they keep a busy front (*if they live in the big city) because they are still anxious people

These people adjust and accommodate when it comes to their ‘dreams/goals’ -- as in, sometimes they would have to be practical about their spending habits. And can be largely concerned with having funds so they can pursue travels, leisures and other activities (educations)

So if you want to hang out with them, try doing ‘free-stuff’ like going out to explore a place, a scenic view or an adventure. You have to keep in mind that they’re cautious, so if they doubt it’ll be fun or safe they might say no.

They may be--however, big fan of fairs or festivals where there’s entertainment involved (as well as food/leisure time) generally something they can enjoy/entertain and just hang out with friends without having to worry about over-spending or funds would be nice

They’re people who tries to be the most open-minded about other people’s culture, will give you space to say/learn and doesn’t want to impose their opinions or views into the conversation (really mindful of others, especially differences with people. Are open to learning, if you’re willing to tell them about your experiences)

They are one of those people who can be busy-bodies, even when they’re at home, they’re doing something worthwhile with their ‘down-time’ and may have a schedule they keep up with

City-scapes may drain them if they feel isolated or seeing blocks of concrete is unused to them--- while they may thrive best, close to the shore/beach or places that has greeneries in them

These people however flighty or compassionate to their friends, have an amazingly high principles to them. This is their ‘wall’ of snark and sassy sense of humour, if you aren’t genuinely nice/friendly they can see through other people’s bullshit

They may--- however, be held down by their own weaknesses. Which is their softness for their friends/family that makes them ‘exceptions’ to things (despite being quite a disciplinarian themselves) their own fear and their own ‘feeling of being lost/uncertainty’

Heres the thing, these people have many talent and will-power. They’re enthusiastic and open-mind, want to explore and do many things. They want to live colorfully, but they are always so consciously aware of their practical limitations, fear or the heaviness of their ‘uncertainty’.

This is the core of why they may settle for less for themselves, or put up with things because they may see it as ‘what they have to do’ instead of feeling fully empowered by themselves. These people may often run away from their own fears and put it into productivity, doing something, trying to be something, trying to be more ‘grounded’ and practical.

Yet they’re still running, and if they keep running from themselves and not embracing the ‘dark’ within them. They can’t fully utilize or ‘sync-in’ with their own capabilities, because they keep doubting, second-guessing or undermining their own abilities.

You don’t have to have-- ‘practical’ results or achievement to be self-empowered. You don’t have to ‘be’ something else because you may think of yourself as flighty or weak. Sometimes it comes from embracing your pains, goals, everything in between--- in order to fully understand and push yourself, use your own strength to the best of your ability.

Think Aries, or Libra. Or Scorpio or Capricorn. These people have the self-drive and self-will that you may want to have. So be that, find it in yourself. You have to face ‘you’ first in order to fully understand/realize what you’re capable of-- in order to use it later on.

That’s the thing isn’t it? Sometimes they undermine their own potential/talents just because they don’t want to lose ground/be let down later? They don’t want to fall. They fear it’s going to crush them/make them lose their peace of mind completely.

They don’t want to be ‘too much’ or ‘too little’ -- so they try so hard to be ‘balance/grounded’

It’s like--- an in-between place that they put themselves in. They idealize those who can grasps and ‘go get’ their own dreams, those who has ambition (because they have them too). Yet they don’t think of themselves as someone who can push, can work past their own fear in a way that’ll truly manifest for them in their most hopeful, optimistic ideals.

They’re idealist, and romantic. They are optimistic when it comes to themselves/other people. Yet they have a hard time dealing with their own negativity (possibility of a negative out-come/personally invested in stuff that ends in sadness) -- they’re afraid to be let down, or to be deceived by their own dreams/desire for happiness.

Be more aware of yourself, let yourself get personal and vulnerable with what you want to achieve/find fulfillment in, your goals/desire. You have great adaptability and talent, all you need is a lil push and some supportive friends to help you get by it all on your own (and achieve your own happiness)

I hope this helps! ;; 💕 Thank u for sending this in! 💕

#sagittarius sun #pisces moon #sagittarius #pisces #sagittarius-pisces #anon #asks

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kkintle · 5 years ago

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The Art of the Good Life by Rolf Dobelli; Quotes

Is it better to actively seek happiness or to avoid unhappiness?

Living a good life has a lot to do with interpreting facts in a constructive way.

That money can’t buy happiness is a truism, and I’d certainly advise you not to get worked into a lather over incremental differences in price. If a beer’s two dollars more expensive than usual or two dollars cheaper, it elicits no emotional response in me whatsoever. I save my energy rather than my money. After all, the value of my stock portfolio fluctuates every minute by significantly more than two dollars, and if the Dow Jones falls by a thousandth of a percent, that doesn’t faze me either. Try it for yourself. Come up with a similar number, a modest sum to which you’re completely indifferent—money you consider not so much money as white noise. You don’t lose anything by adopting that attitude, and certainly not your inner poise.

The most common misunderstanding I encounter is that the good life is a stable state or condition. Wrong. The good life is only achieved through constant readjustment.

As the American general—and later president—Dwight Eisenhower said, “Plans are nothing. Planning is everything.” It’s not about having a fixed plan, it’s about repeated re-planning—an ongoing process.

The truth is that you begin with one set-up and then constantly adjust it. The more complicated the world becomes, the less important your starting point is. So don’t invest all your resources into the perfect set-up—at work or in your personal life. Instead, practice the art of correction by revising the things that aren’t quite working—swiftly and without feeling guilty.

First: constantly having to make new decisions situation by situation saps your willpower. Decision fatigue is the technical term for this. A brain exhausted by decision-making will plump for the most convenient option, which more often than not is also the worst one. This is why pledges make so much sense. Once you’ve pledged something, you don’t then have to weigh up the pros and cons each and every time you’re faced with a decision. It’s already been made for you, saving you mental energy.

The second reason inflexibility is so valuable has to do with reputation. By being consistent on certain topics, you signal where you stand and establish the areas where there’s no room for negotiation. You communicate self-mastery, making yourself less vulnerable to attack.

So say good-bye to the cult of flexibility. Flexibility makes you unhappy and tired, and it distracts you from your goals. Chain yourself to your pledges. Uncompromisingly. It’s easier to stick to your pledges 100 percent of the time rather than 99 percent.

Very few people simply accept reality and analyze their own flight recorders. This requires precisely two things: a) radical acceptance and b) black box thinking. First one, then the other.

“Nothing is more fatiguing nor, in the long run, more exasperating than the daily effort to believe things which daily become more incredible. To be done with this effort is an indispensable condition of sure and lasting happiness,” wrote mathematician and Nobel Prize winner Bertrand Russell.

Accepting reality is easy when you like what you see, but you’ve got to accept it even when you don’t—especially when you don’t.

By themselves, radical acceptance and black box thinking are not enough. You’ve got to rectify your mistakes. Get future-proofing. As Warren Buffett’s business partner Charlie Munger has observed, “If you won’t attack a problem while it’s solvable and wait until it’s unfixable, you can argue that you’re so damn foolish that you deserve the problem.” Don’t wait for the consequences to unfold. “If you don’t deal with reality, then reality will deal with you,” warns author Alex Haley.

A basic rule of the good life is as follows: if it doesn’t genuinely contribute something, you can do without it. And that is doubly true for technology. Next time, try switching on your brain instead of reaching for the nearest gadget.

“There are old pilots and there are bold pilots, but there are no bold old pilots.”

Pros win points; amateurs lose points. This means that if you’re playing against an amateur, your best option is to focus on not making any mistakes. Play conservatively, and keep the ball in play as long as possible. Unless your opponent is deliberately playing equally conservatively, he or she will make more mistakes than you do. In amateur tennis, matches aren’t won—they’re lost.

disease, disabilities, divorce. However, countless studies have shown that the impact of these factors dissipates more quickly than we imagine.

It’s not what you add that enriches your life—it’s what you omit.

Because our emotions are so unreliable, a good rule of thumb is to take them less seriously—especially the negative ones. The Greek philosophers called this ability to block things out ataraxia, a term meaning serenity, peace of mind, equanimity, composure or imperturbability. A master of ataraxia will maintain his or her poise despite the buffets of fate. One level higher is apatheia, the total eradication of feeling (also attempted by the ancient Greeks). Both—ataraxia and apatheia—are ideals virtually impossible to attain, but don’t worry: I’m not asking you to try. I do, however, believe we need to cultivate a new relationship with our inner voices, one distanced, skeptical and playful.

So take other people’s feelings very seriously, but not your own. Let them flit through you—they’ll come and go anyway, just as they please.

People are respected because they deliver on their promises, not because they let us eavesdrop on their inner monologs.

Two thousand years ago, the Roman philosopher Seneca wrote: “All those who summon you to themselves, turn you away from your own self.” So give the five-second no a trial run. It’s one of the best rules of thumb for a good life.

It’s called the focusing illusion. “Nothing in life is as important as you think it is while you are thinking about it,” as Daniel Kahneman explains. The more narrowly we focus on a particular aspect of our lives, the greater its apparent influence.

Take the longest possible view of your life. Realize that the things that seemed so important in the moment have shrunk to the size of dots—dots that barely affect the overall picture. A good life is only attainable if you take the occasional peek through a wide-angle lens.

By focusing on trivialities, you’re wasting your good life.

As you can see, if it’s the good life you’re after then it’s advisable to show restraint about what you buy. That said, there is a class of “goods” whose enjoyment is not diminished by the focusing illusion: experiences.

Material progress was not reflected in increased life satisfaction. This revelation has been termed the Easterlin paradox: once basic needs have been met, incremental financial gain contributes nothing to happiness.

Money is relative. Not just in comparison to others, but in comparison to your past.

Buffett’s life motto: “Know your circle of competence, and stick within it. The size of that circle is not very important; knowing its boundaries, however, is vital.” Charlie Munger adds: “Each of you will have to figure out where your talent lies. And you’ll have to use your advantages. But if you try to succeed in what you’re worst at, you’re going to have a very lousy career. I can almost guarantee it.”

“Expect anything worthwhile to take a really long time”

What matters is that you’re far above average in at least one area—ideally, the best in the world. Once that’s sorted, you’ll have a solid basis for a good life. A single outstanding skill trumps a thousand mediocre ones. Every hour invested into your circle of competence is worth a thousand spent elsewhere.

“You don’t have to be brilliant,” as Charlie Munger says, “only a little bit wiser than the other guys, on average, for a long, long time.”

“One of the symptoms of approaching nervous break-down is the belief that one’s work is terribly important,” wrote Bertrand Russell. This is precisely the danger of a calling: that you take yourself and your work too seriously. If, like John Kennedy Toole, you pin everything on the fulfilment of your supposed vocation, you cannot live a good life. If Toole had viewed his writing not as his only possible calling but simply as a craft for which he happened to have a special knack, he would probably not have ended up as he did. You can pursue a craft with love, of course, and even with a touch of obsession, but your focus should always be on the activity, the work, the input—not on the success, the result, the output.

So, what to do? Don’t listen to your inner voice. A calling is nothing but a job you’d like to have. In the Romantic sense it doesn’t exist; there is only talent and preference. Build on the skills you actually have, not on some putative sense of vocation. Luckily, the skills we’ve mastered are often the things we enjoy doing. One important aside: other people have also got to value your talents. You’ve got to put food on the table somehow. As the English philosopher John Gray put it: “Few people are as unhappy as those with a talent no one cares about.”

So liberate yourself. Here’s three reasons why you should. First, you’ll be spared the emotional roller coaster. In the long run, you can’t manage your reputation perfectly anyway. Warren Buffett cites Gianni Agnelli, the former boss of Fiat: “When you get old, you have the reputation you deserve.” You can fool other people for a while, but not a lifetime. Second, concentrating on prestige and reputation distorts our perception of what makes us truly happy. And third, it stresses us out. It’s detrimental to the good life.

That’s why one of my golden rules for leading a good life is as follows: “Avoid situations in which you have to change other people.”

Without memory, the experience is perceived as entirely valueless. This is surprising, and it makes no sense. Surely it’s better to experience something wonderful than not—regardless of whether you remember it. After all, in the moment you’ll be having a fabulous time! And once we’re dead, you and I will forget everything anyway—because there’ll no longer be any “you” or any “I.” If death is going to erase your memories, how important is it to schlep them with you until your very final moment?

So don’t be surprised when somebody else judges you “incorrectly.” You do the same yourself. A realistic self-image can only be gleaned from someone who’s known you well for years and who’s not afraid to be honest—your partner or an old friend. Even better, keep a diary and dip back into it every now and again. You’ll be amazed at the things you used to write. Part of the good life is seeing yourself as realistically as possible—contradictions, shortcomings, dark sides and all. If you see yourself realistically, you’ve got a much better chance of becoming who you want to be.

I’m sure you recognize the sentiment: “When I’m on my deathbed, looking back on my life…” A magnificently lofty idea, but rather nonsensical in practice. For a start, almost no one is that lucid when they’re on their deathbed. The three main doors into the afterlife are heart attack, stroke and cancer. In the first two cases, you won’t have time for philosophical reflection. In most cases of cancer, you’ll be so stuffed to the gunnels with painkillers that you won’t be able to think straight. Nor do those afflicted with dementia or Alzheimer’s achieve any new insights on their deathbeds. And even if you do have the time and wherewithal in your final moments to reminisce, your memories won’t (as we saw in the previous three chapters) correspond fully to reality. Your remembering self produces systematic errors. It tells tall tales.

“If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.”

Not getting bogged down in self-pity is a golden rule of mental health. Accept the fact that life isn’t perfect—yours or anyone else’s. As the Roman philosopher Seneca said, “Things will get thrown at you and things will hit you. Life’s no soft affair.” What point is there in “being unhappy, just because once you were unhappy”? If you can do something to mitigate the current problems in your life, then do it. If you can’t, then put up with the situation. Complaining is a waste of time, and self-pity is doubly counterproductive: first, you’re doing nothing to overcome your unhappiness; and two, you’re adding to your original unhappiness the further misery of being self-destructive. Or, to quote Charlie Munger’s “iron prescription”: “Whenever you think that some situation or some person is ruining your life, it is actually you who are ruining your life… Feeling like a victim is a perfectly disastrous way to go through life.”

Plato and Aristotle both believed that people should be as temperate, courageous, just and prudent as possible.

The circle of dignity draws together your individual pledges and protects them from three forms of attack: a) better arguments; b) mortal danger; and c) deals with the Devil.

Is it worth the price? That’s the wrong question. By definition, things that are invaluable have no price. “If an individual has not discovered something that he will die for, he isn’t fit to live,” said Martin Luther King. Certainly not to live the good life.

If you don’t make it clear on the outside what you believe deep down, you gradually turn into a puppet. Other people exploit you for their own purposes, and sooner or later, you give up. You don’t fight any more. You don’t hold up to stresses. Your willpower atrophies. If you break on the outside, at some point you’ll break on the inside too.

Your circle of dignity, the protective wall that surrounds your pledges, can only be tested under fire. You might lay claim to high ideals, noble principles and distinctive preferences, but it’s not until you come to defend them that you will “cry with happiness,” to paraphrase Stockdale.

Say you’re in a meeting and somebody starts going for you, really getting vitriolic. Ask them to repeat what they’ve said word for word. You’ll soon see that, most of the time, your attacker will fold.

For most people, the circle of dignity is not a matter of life and death but a battle to maintain the upper hand. Make it as hard as possible for your assailants. Keep the reins in your hand as long as possible when it comes to the things you hold sacred. If you have to give up, then do so in a way that makes your opponent pay the highest practicable price for your capitulation. There’s tremendous power in this commitment. It’s one of the keys to a good life.

One: fetch a notebook and title it My Big Book of Worries. Set aside a fixed time to dedicate to your anxieties. In practical terms, this means reserving ten minutes a day to jot down everything that’s worrying you—no matter how justified, idiotic or vague. Once you’ve done so, the rest of the day will be relatively worry-free. Your brain knows its concerns have been recorded and not simply ignored. Do this every day, turning to a fresh page each time. You’ll realize, incidentally, that it’s always the same dozen or so worries tormenting you. At the weekend, read through the week’s notes and follow the advice of Bertrand Russell: “When you find yourself inclined to brood on anything, no matter what, the best plan always is to think about it even more than you naturally would, until at last its morbid fascination is worn off.” In practical terms, this means imagining the worst possible consequences and forcing yourself to think beyond them. You’ll discover that most concerns are overblown. The rest are genuine dangers, and those must be confronted. Two: take out insurance. Insurance policies are a marvelous invention. They’re among the most elegant worry-killers. Their true value is not the monetary pay-out when there’s a problem but the reduced anxiety beforehand. Three: focused work is the best therapy against brooding. Focused, fulfilling work is better than meditation. It’s a better distraction than anything else. If you use these three strategies, you’ll have a real chance of living a carefree life—a good life. Then perhaps even in your younger years or, at least, in middle age, you’ll be able to chuckle over Mark Twain’s late-in-life insight: “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them have never happened.”

The Greek and Roman philosophers known as the Stoics recommended the following trick to sweep away worry: determine what you can influence and what you can’t. Address the former. Don’t let the latter prey on your mind.

Not always feeling like you need to have an opinion calms the mind and makes you more relaxed—an ingredient vital to a good life.

First: accept the existence of fate. In Boethius’s day, people liked to personify fate as Fortuna, a goddess who turned the Wheel of Fortune, in which highs and lows were endlessly rotated. Those who played along, hoping to catch the wheel as it rose, had to accept that eventually they would come down once more. So don’t be too concerned about whether you’re ascending or descending. It could all be turned on its head.

Second: everything you own, value and love is ephemeral—your health, your partner, your children, your friends, your house, your money, your homeland, your reputation, your status. Don’t set your heart on those things. Relax, be glad if fate grants them to you, but always be aware that they are fleeting, fragile and temporary. The best attitude to have is that all of them are on loan to you, and may be taken away at any time. By death, if nothing else.

Third: if you, like Boethius, have lost many things or even everything, remember that the positive has outweighed the negative in your life (or you wouldn’t be complaining) and that all sweet things are tinged with bitterness. Whining is misplaced.

Four: what can’t be taken from you are your thoughts, your mental tools, the way you interpret bad luck, loss and setbacks. You can call this space your mental fortress—a piece of freedom that can never be assailed.

Stop comparing yourself to other people and you’ll enjoy an envy-free existence. Steer well clear of all comparisons. That’s the golden rule.

So wisdom isn’t identical with the accumulation of knowledge. Wisdom is a practical ability. It’s a measure of the skill with which we navigate life. Once you’ve come to realize that virtually all difficulties are easier to avoid than to solve, the following simple definition will be self-evident: “Wisdom is prevention.”

The fact is, life is hard. Problems rain down on all sides. Fate opens pitfalls beneath your feet and throws up barriers to block your path. You can’t change that. But if you know where danger lurks, you can ward it off. You can evade all sorts of obstacles. Einstein put it this way: “A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it.”

Wisdom is prevention. It’s invisible, so you can’t show it off—but preening isn’t conducive to a good life anyway. You know that already.

if you want to help reduce suffering on the planet, donate money. Just money. Not time. Money. Don’t travel to conflict zones unless you’re an emergency doctor, bomb-disposal expert or diplomat. Many people fall for the volunteer’s folly—they believe there’s a point to voluntary work. In reality, it’s a waste. Your time is more meaningfully invested in your circle of competence, because it’s there that you’ll generate the most value per day. If you’re installing water pumps in the Sahara, you’re doing work that local well-diggers could carry out for a fraction of the cost. Plus, you’re taking work away from them. Let’s say you could dig one well per day as a volunteer. If you spent that day working at your office and used the money you earned to pay local well-diggers, by the end of the day you’d have a hundred new wells. Sure, volunteering makes you feel good, but it shouldn’t be about that. And that warm Good Samaritan glow is based on a fallacy. The first-rate specialists on site (Médecins Sans Frontières, the Red Cross, UNICEF, etc.) will put your donations to more effective use than you could yourself. So work hard and put your money in the hands of professionals.

you’re not responsible for the state of the world. It sounds harsh and unsympathetic, but it’s the truth. Nobel Prize winner in physics Richard Feynman was told much the same thing by John von Neumann, the brilliant mathematician and “father of computing”: “[John] von Neumann gave me an interesting idea: that you don’t have to be responsible for the world that you’re in. So I have developed a very powerful sense of social irresponsibility as a result of von Neumann’s advice. It’s made me a very happy man ever since.” What Feynman means by “social irresponsibility” is this: don’t feel bad for concentrating on your work instead of building hospitals in Africa. There’s no reason to feel guilty that you happen to be better off than a bombing victim in Aleppo—your situations could easily be reversed. Lead an upright, productive life, and don’t be a monster. Follow that advice and you’ll already be contributing to a better world. The upshot? Find a strategy to help you cope with global atrocities. It doesn’t have to be one I’ve suggested here, but it is important to have a plan. Otherwise getting through life will be tough. You’ll be constantly torn between the things that still have to be done, you’ll feel guilty—and ultimately you’ll accomplish nothing with that burden.

Four: be aware that focus cannot be divided. It’s not like time and money. The attention you’re giving your Facebook stream on your mobile phone is attention you’re taking away from the person sitting opposite. Five: act from a position of strength, not weakness. When people bring things to your attention unasked, you’re automatically in a position of weakness. Why should an advertiser, a journalist or a Facebook friend decide where you direct your focus? That Porsche advert, article about the latest Trump tweet or video clip of hilariously adorable puppies is probably not something that’s going to make you happy or move you forwards. Even without an Instagram account, the philosopher Epictetus came to a similar conclusion two thousand years ago: ‘If a person gave your body to any stranger he met on his way, you would certainly be angry. And do you feel no shame in handing over your own mind to be confused and mystified by anyone who happens to verbally attack you?’

What does focus have to do with happiness? Everything. “Your happiness is determined by how you allocate your attention,” wrote Paul Dolan. The same life events (positive or negative) can influence your happiness strongly, weakly or not at all—depending on how much attention you give them. Essentially, you always live where your focus is directed, no matter where the atoms of your body are located. Each moment comes only once. If you deliberately focus your attention, you’ll get more out of life. Be critical, strict and careful when it comes to your intake of information—no less critical, strict and careful than you are with your food or medication.

Avoid ideologies and dogmas at all cost—especially if you’re sympathetic to them. Ideologies are guaranteed to be wrong. They narrow your worldview and prompt you to make appalling decisions.

When you meet someone showing signs of a dogmatic infection, ask them this question: “Tell me what specific facts you’d need in order to give up your worldview.” If they don’t have an answer, keep that person at arm’s length. You should ask yourself the same question, for that matter, if you suspect you’ve strayed too far into dogma territory.

imagine you’re on a TV talk show with five other guests, all of whom hold the opposite conviction from yours. Only when you can argue their views at least as eloquently as your own will you truly have earned your opinion.

think independently, don’t be too faithful to the party line, and above all give dogmas a wide berth. The quicker you understand that you don’t understand the world, the better you’ll understand the world.

In several studies, Dan Gilbert, Timothy Wilson and their research colleagues have shown that mental subtraction increases happiness significantly more markedly than simply focusing on the positives. The Stoics figured this out two thousand years ago: instead of thinking about all the things you don’t yet have, consider how much you’d miss the things you do have if you didn’t have them any longer.

Speculation is more agreeable than realization. As long as you’re still weighing up your options, the risk of failure is nil; once you take action, however, that risk is always greater than zero. This is why reflection and commentary are so popular. If you’re simply thinking something over, you’ll never bump up against reality, which means you can never fail. Act, however, and suddenly failure is back on the cards—but you’ll gain new experiences. “Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted,” as the saying goes.

the next time you’re about to make an important decision, mull it over carefully—but only to the point of maximum deliberation. You’ll be surprised how quickly you reach it. Once you’re there, flick off your torch and switch on your floodlight. It’s as useful in the workplace as it is in the home, whether you’re investing in your career or in your love life.

No matter how extraordinary your accomplishments might be, the truth is that they would have happened without you. Your personal impact on the world is minute. It doesn’t matter how brilliant you are—as a businessperson, an academic, a CEO, a general or a president; in the great scheme of things you’re insignificant, unnecessary and interchangeable. The only place where you can really make a difference is in your own life. Focus on your own surroundings. You’ll soon see that getting to grips with that is ambitious enough. Why take it upon yourself to change the world? Spare yourself the disappointment.

Not believing too much in your own self-importance is one of the most valuable strategies for a good life.

The upshot? There is no just plan for the world. Part of the good life is to radically accept that. Focus on your garden—on your own everyday life—and you’ll find enough weeds to keep you busy. The things that happen to you across the course of your life, especially the more serious blows of fate, have little to do with whether you’re a good or a bad person. So accept unhappiness and misfortune with stoicism and calm. Treat incredible success and strokes of luck exactly the same.

“There’s an infinite number of winners,” Kevin Kelly has said, “as long as you’re not trying to win somebody else’s race.”

The upshot? Try to escape the arms race dynamic. It’s difficult to recognize, because each individual step seems reasonable when considered on its own. So retreat every so often from the field of battle and observe it from above. Don’t fall victim to the madness. An arms race is a succession of Pyrrhic victories, and your best bet is to steer clear. You’ll only find the good life where people aren’t fighting over it.

As Warren Buffett says, “It’s better to be approximately right than precisely wrong.”

Constantly distinguish between “I have to have it,” “I want to have it” and “I expect it.” The first phrase represents a necessity, the second a desire (a preference, a goal) and the third an expectation.

Seeing desires as musts will only make you a grumpy, unpleasant person to be around. And no matter how intelligent you are, it will make you act like an idiot. The sooner you can erase supposed necessities from your repertoire, the better.

A life without goals is a wasted life. Yet we mustn’t be shackled to them. Be aware that not all your desires will be satisfied, because so much lies beyond your control.

The Greek philosophers had a wonderful expression for the things we want: preferred indifferents (indifferent here in the sense of insignificant). So I might have a preference (e.g., I’d prefer a Porsche to a VW Golf), but ultimately it’s insignificant to my happiness.

Bearing Sturgeon’s law in mind will improve your life. It’s an excellent mental tool because it “allows” you to pass over most of what you see, hear or read without feeling guilty. The world is full of empty words, but you don’t need to listen. That said, don’t try to cleanse the world of nonsense. You won’t succeed. The world can stay irrational longer than you can stay sane. So concentrate on being selective, on the few valuable things, and leave everything else aside.

Recognize bullshit for what it is. Oh, and one other rule, which in my experience has proved well founded: if you’re not sure whether something is bullshit, it’s bullshit.

One: self-importance requires energy. If you think overly highly of yourself, you have to operate a transmitter and a radar simultaneously. On the one hand, you’re broadcasting your self-image out into the world; on the other, you’re permanently registering how your environment responds. Save yourself the effort. Switch off your transmitter and your radar, and focus on your work. In concrete terms, this means don’t be vain, don’t name-drop, and don’t brag about your amazing successes.

the more self-important you are, the more speedily you’ll fall for the self-serving bias. You’ll start doing things not to achieve a specific goal but to make yourself look good. You often see the self-serving bias among investors. They buy stocks in glamorous hotels or sexy tech companies—not because they’re solid investments but because they want to enhance their own image. On top of this, people who think highly of themselves tend to systematically overestimate their knowledge and abilities (this is termed overconfidence), leading to grave errors in decision-making.

If you stress your own importance, you do so at the expense of other people’s, because otherwise it would devalue your relative position. Once you’re successful, if not before, other people who are equally full of themselves will shit on you. Not a good life.

As you can see, your ego is more antagonist than friend.

Stay modest. You’ll improve your life by several orders of magnitude. Self-esteem is so easy that anyone can do it; modesty, on the other hand, may be tough, but at least it’s more compatible with reality. And it calms your emotional wave pool. Self-importance has developed into a malady of civilization. We’ve got our teeth into our egos like a dog into an old shoe. Let the shoe go. It has no nutritional value, and it’ll soon taste rotten.

definitions of success are products of their time.

Once you’ve attained ataraxia—tranquility of the soul—you’ll be able to maintain your equanimity despite the slings and arrows of fate. To put it another way, to be successful is to be imperturbable, regardless of whether you’re flying high or crash landing. How can we achieve inner success? By focusing exclusively on the things we can influence and resolutely blocking out everything else. Input, not output. Our input we can control; our output we can’t, because chance keeps sticking its oar in.

“Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.”

Whichever way you look at it, the truth is that people desire external gain because it nets them internal gain. The question that suggests itself is obvious: why take the long way round? Just take the direct route.

“It is remarkable how much long-term advantage people like us have gotten by trying to be consistently not stupid, instead of trying to be very intelligent.” (Munger, Charlie: Wesco Annual Report 1989.)

authors Minkyung Koo, Sara B. Algoe, Timothy D. Wilson and Daniel T. Gilbert write: “Having a wonderful spouse, watching one’s team win the World Series, or getting an article accepted in a top journal are all positive events, and reflecting on them may well bring a smile; but that smile is likely to be slighter and more fleeting with each passing day, because as wonderful as these events may be, they quickly become familiar—and they become more familiar each time one reflects on them. Indeed, research shows that thinking about an event increases the extent to which it seems familiar and explainable.”

“Charlie realizes that it is difficult to find something that is really good. So, if you say ‘No’ ninety percent of the time, you’re not missing much in the world.” (Otis Booth on Charlie Munger, In: Munger, Charlie: Poor Charlie’s Almanack, Donning, 2008, p. 99).

“You’ll do better if you have passion for something in which you have aptitude. If Warren had gone into ballet, no one would have heard of him.”

They were all things that were simply a matter of deciding whether you were going to be that kind of person or not… Always hang around people better than you and you’ll float up a little bit. Hang around with the other kind and you start sliding down the pole.” (Warren Buffett quoted in: Lowe, Janet: Warren Buffett Speaks: Wit and Wisdom from the World’s Greatest Investor, John Wiley & Sons, 2007, p. 36).

“If you want to guarantee yourself a life of misery, marry somebody with the idea of changing them.”

Buffett: “We don’t try to change people. It doesn’t work well… We accept people the way they are.”

If social change is your mission, you’ll end up tangling with thousands of people and institutions who are doing everything they can to uphold the status quo. Ideally, you want to keep your mission narrowly focused. You can’t rebel against all aspects of the dominant order. Society is stronger than you are. You can only achieve personal victories in clearly defined moral niches.

“‘Don’t worry, be happy’ bromides are of no use; notice that people who are told to ‘relax’ rarely do.”

Mark Twain: “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them have never happened.”

Howard Marks: “I tell my father’s story of the gambler who lost regularly. One day he heard about a race with only one horse in it, so he bet the rent money. Halfway around the track, the horse jumped over the fence and ran away. Invariably things can get worse than people expect. Maybe ‘worst-case’ means ‘the worst we’ve seen in the past.’ But that doesn’t mean things can’t be worse in the future.”

“Then at dinner, Bill Gates Sr. posed the question to the table: What factor did people feel was the most important in getting to where they’d gotten in life? And I said, ‘Focus.’ And Bill said the same thing. It is unclear how many people at the table understood ‘focus’ as Buffett lived that word. This kind of innate focus couldn’t be emulated. It meant the intensity that is the price of excellence. It meant the discipline and passionate perfectionism that made Thomas Edison the quintessential American inventor, Walt Disney the king of family entertainment, and James Brown the Godfather of Soul. It meant single-minded obsession with an ideal.”

“Our happiness is sometimes not very salient, and we need to do what we can to make it more so. Imagine playing a piano and not being able to hear what it sounds like. Many activities in life are like playing a piano that you do not hear…” (Dolan, Paul: Happiness by Design, Penguin, 2015, E-Book Location 1781.)

Should you find yourself in a chronically-leaking boat, energy devoted to changing vessels is likely to be more productive than energy devoted to patching leaks.” (Greenwald, Bruce C. N.; Kahn, Judd; Sonkin, Paul D.; van Biema,

As you age, change your modus operandi: become highly selective. There’s a lovely anecdote from Marshall Weinberg about going to lunch with Warren Buffett that’s worth repeating here. “He had an exceptional ham-and-cheese sandwich. A few days later, we were going out again. He said, ‘Let’s go back to that restaurant.’ I said, ‘But we were just there.’ He said, ‘Precisely. Why take a risk with another place? We know exactly what we’re going to get.’ That is what Warren looks for in stocks, too. He only invests in companies where the odds are great that they will not disappoint.”

Even the notorious U curve of life satisfaction is connected to false expectations. Young people are happy because they believe things can only ever improve—higher income, more power, greater opportunity. In middle age, between forty and fifty-five, they reach a low point. They’re forced to accept that the high-flying aspirations of their youth cannot be realized. On top of that they have children, a career, income pressures—all unexpected dampers on happiness. In old age, people are reasonably happy once more, because they’ve exceeded those unrealistically low expectations.

John Wooden: “Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.”

from Epictetus, the Stoic: “A life that flows gently and easily.”

“Why, my dear friend, do you do it all? If I had all your millions, I’d spend my time doing nothing but reading, thinking and writing.” It wasn’t until I was on the way home that I realized, oddly startled, that that’s exactly what I do. So that would be a definition of the good life: somebody hands you a few million, and you don’t change anything at all.

#the art of the good life #Rolf dobelli #non-fiction #quotes #books

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v-le · 6 years ago

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Ktravels/Klife: Halfway through it all / 첫 학기 끝 !

Foreword: I am almost done! I am almost done with my first semester at Yonsei… damn.

I honestly cannot believe that time flew by so fast. I’ve mentioned this before, but I had been thinking about studying abroad for over a year before coming here. And now that I am about halfway through with this experience… damn, I just have no words. Jk I do, which is why I’m writing this right now lol.

My favorite parts about Korea so far: it is my emotional, musical wonderland. More on that later, but… it’s heart-warming to hear so many of my favorite, treasured artists occasionally on the streets or in a café. And no, not K-pop lol I know nothing about K-pop anymore. In terms of café culture, it’s a love and hate relationship because some of them are just so expensive sigh. BUT, after going to so many different cafes like all around Seoul, I have come to actually have specific preferences for what constitutes a gr8 café (for studying specifically bc that’s all my friends and I mostly do at cafes anyway LOL) hehe:

AFFORDABLE!! No normal person should be paying like 7 or 8 bucks for a goddamn coffee. Base price for drinks should be around 5,000 won. If their iced caramel macchiato costs more than 5,500 won, the place is too expensive. If it’s less than 5,000 won,

Reasonable cup sizes! Or better, LARGE ONES! (안녕, 낯선 사람 in hongdae has some super bang-for-your-buck coffee drinks, the best I’ve seen!! :^))

Music that isn’t too loud

OUTLETS. OUTLETS ARE A MUST.

Plentiful seats so that it’s never too packed & large-enough tables

Nice temperature (aka not too cold in the winter, not too hot in the summer)

You can sneak in outside food & eat it blatantly even if there are signs saying not to, and no one will ever say anything

Not too crusty: cozy, but clean

A nice, well-maintained bathroom

It may seem impossible to find the perfect café that could meet all of these expectations, but honestly there are just SO many cafes in seoul, that if you search hard enough or have enough luck, some will be out there somewhere :^)

ALSO can I address the business turnover rate here?? Is this why Seoul is considered a fast-paced city?? So many times, my friends I have tried to go to cafes or restaurants or stores we’ve seen online or found on Kakao/Naver Maps, only to arrive and discover that THEY’RE GONE. Even if I did thorough research and found a blog post of a place from 2 months prior, the place is just POOF, disappeared into thin air. This has literally happened countless times and we are flabbergasted each time LOL. As limited as the database of 맛집’s and cafes already is online, the Internet & maps can’t even keep up to date with information either. Businesses open up so randomly fast, too it’s crazy… Mangoplate, the supposed “yelp” of Korea honestly is not that useful either LOL it usually has places on the pricier side, it is also not always up to date, and I just feel like Seoul/Korea has way too many places & businesses worth trying that they can’t even all fit into one database. There are just so many of those un-documentable places. So I suggest: find a neighborhood, go with your friends, take a stroll around the place, and try to stumble upon a place of your liking. Unless you can read Korean & utilize naver blogs (slightly more extensive and useful than mangoplate but still not 100% reliable all the time), then walking around is probably your best bet rather than attempting to do research online. Trust me.

Hmm what else is there… It’s really nice to be able to get/buy anything pretty easily, with convenience. I am afraid I will get too used to this once I go back to the states.

I think once the work started to pick up later in the semester, I definitely started falling into a routine of going to my morning class & then leaving sinchon to run errands elsewhere in Seoul, or simply doing work in the business building which quickly became my go-to spot because 1) outlets, 2) can eat food 3) very nice facility, literally sparkling 4) on campus. It kinda hurts to think that this short-lived routine will be over quite soon, but maybe next semester will be a little more exciting.

Although I haven’t been speaking as much Korean as I would like to, I do feel like my Korean has improved to an extent: (very slightly) vocab-wise, reading-wise, and writing-wise. It is honestly SO refreshing to finally be learning Korean in a formal, classroom setting. It honestly makes me regret not doing it sooner. Why did I lock myself up in my room for 8 years and only settle for learning on my own?? Sigh, it’s okay. I can only get better from here, right? As much as I hate the timing of KLI, I still really do enjoy the class nonetheless and I feel some sort of… growth? I appreciate how all my background knowledge of Korean has helped me up to this point as well. That at least, I can be proud of lol.

With languages and culture in general, throughout the semester, for the first time ever, I got to reflect on how valuable languages are. It is so interesting; I’ll try my best to explain my realizations, but it might come out as gibberish in the end… I really think anyone that has been born & raised in the US should spend a prolonged amount of time abroad. As homogeneous of a society Korea is, being here has opened my eyes to the global society. The society in which multiculturalism is embraced, there is no one correct language of communication, and every member listens to the various cultural values of one another without judgement. I never thought of English as being a powerful language. In fact, I honestly think I have been taking English for granted. I have never realized the immensity of the English language, how the rest of the world vies to master it, and how I have been blessed to have grown up with English as my native tongue. But on the flip-side, learning other languages is just as worthwhile. Communicating in a different language is literally honing a different perspective, mentality, and set of values. You can try to translate target languages into your native tongue for ease of comprehension. Or, what I have come to deeply appreciate and understand is, you can and should take the target language as it is. In order to connect with the language and consequently the culture, stop thinking in terms of your native tongue. Doing this to a deeper extent in Korea than I ever did before has felt extremely rewarding: it makes the language dynamic and exciting to learn. It has led me to cherish specific words or phrases, more so than I already did before arriving here. And it really is just… beautiful. LEARN A SECOND LANGUAGE! EXPLORE GLOBALIZATION!

Quite frankly though, I am disappointed that I haven’t been able to go to as many places as I would like, within in Korea. Okay more like: I am super grateful for the gorgeous places I have been to, but I also wish I could’ve visited those classic, “must-see” places like Busan, Jeju-do, Jeonju, Daegu, etc. I did however, visit lesser known, less expecting (??) places like Gangwon-do (Jumunjin Beach, Gangmun Beach, Gangneung, Yeongwol, Jeongseon, Pyeongchang) & Gyeongju & like Anyang & Seongnam…? Do these last two even count LOL theyre just smoller cities outside of Seoul… but yeah, I guess I’ll just have to save Busan and Jeju and the others for next semester… when I’m not as broke hopefully lmao.

But forreals, I actually really appreciated my trip to Gangwon-do even though it was technically an assignment for one of my courses called “New Media and Digital Storytelling” (shoutout to prof ted for supporting us with this valuable experience!!) because it was literally a breath of fresh air. Seoul is constantly jampacked with people and cars and smog and noises, but Gangneung was still a city, still just as civilized, but much quieter. Granted, nothing much happens out there and some parts are straight up just farming grounds, but the beaches have these stunning sunsets that look like they’re straight out of a graphically-altered fantasy movie. It was stunning and the image still lasts behind my eyes to this day.

One of the other things that I have been struggling to accept is that fact that I feel… unproductive in life? I wish I put myself more out there this semester. Even though I met a good number of locals and have had a few valuable conversations, I never deeply connected with any of them. Plus, almost all of them are going abroad next semester or graduating ☹. I also did not join any clubs or organizations or sports teams nor did I get a job or an internship or do any tutoring or volunteering on the side… I have just been going to class, occasionally spending a lot of money, and then spending some more. Last year at UCI, I feel like I ran into my freshman year with a fiery heart: I joined the badminton team, became a part of the Antleader Mentorship Program (AMP, which I miss so dearly with all of my heart) in fall & winter quarter, and took all upper division education courses my spring quarter as well as fulfilled my fieldwork major requirement by tutoring at a Kindergarten class for 6 hours every week. But coming to Korea, everything felt stagnant. Academically, career-wise, I feel like everything has been on a pause. Granted, many people could tell me that “Oh, you just being in Korea is already so much more than you need! You are doing more than enough, don’t worry”. But am I really?? I beg to differ. I am honestly pretty disappointed in myself and at this point all I can push for is to try to get more involved next semester. It has also been hurting to know that I have been digging into my precious savings that took over 2 long years to build up so quickly :(.

SO yeah, as great as Korea has been, it’s also been money-draining and disappointing from a personal-growth kind of view. Maybe I’m being too hard on myself, but that is also simply my reality. I think I am also choosing to be hard on myself because my luck with all my favorite artists has just been… totally undeserving.

I feel so blessed and “but why me??” at the same time. I have gotten to see Roy Kim four times live (fifth time will be this coming Sunday; the Seoul shows were blessedly scheduled the weekend right before I leave) & he released a new song in September. Eddy Kim, whom ive been waiting 4 years for to come back, finally did so right in the middle of my time here. Fromm, my extremely beloved indie goddess for YEARS now, released a new mini album in November; I got to see her 3 times live, and even attended her breath-taking solo?? Alone?? Personal? 그냥 단독 콘서트. Sam Kim, who I first listened to when I was 15, who has saved my life so many times with his music, finally released a FULL-length album 2 years and 6 months since his debut EP. Not only was I selected to go to his album’s release showcase, but I also got to a meet him through a fansign event. Oh yeah, I also met Fromm through a free fansigning & Eddy Kim through his new album’s fansign event, too. (I will post about these artist-meeting experiences separately because I feel like these three occasions alone have taught me so much). I saw DAY6 live for their third-year debut anniversary and I could feel the immensity and sincerity brimming from their voices, especially with an unfortunately missing member from stage; I will be seeing them soon for their newest music release, which also happened to come out this December. Nam Woohyun of Infinite, the group that I gave my heart to for over a third of my life, the group that I owe so much of my existence to, released another solo mini album, and I was lucky enough to even attend day 3 of his solo concert series; I saw a few other members of Infinite, I could feel my 12-year-old heart screaming & flailing & crying & apologizing from within because I’ve missed them for so long now, and I even heard a never-before released track from him as well. It was a miracle; I saw Woohyun & glimpses of the others on November 4th. Almost exactly 5 years ago in 2013, on November 11th, I went to a concert for the first time in my life and saw those very own loves with my own eyes: Infinite.

ALL OF THESE. ALL OF THESE EVENTS. Have been a blessing. Have been some sort of indescribable, boundless, breath-taking stroke of luck. I promise you, just luck. Roy just somehow decided to take a break from school at Georgetown THIS semester. Eddy Kim, Fromm, Sam Kim, Woohyun, and DAY6 all just somehow decided to release new music within the last half of this year. ME, I, just somehow decided to study abroad not as a 3rd year nor a 4th year, but a mere 2nd year. I decided to leave my home university barely 1 year in, and go to Korea. Just because. Because it felt right and I knew I wanted to, I knew I had to. But never could I have predicted any of these things to happen. Never in a million years. The very artists that I had only been listening to and watching from my computer screen for years as I hid beneath the deep blankets of my bed, the artists that have made me cry on cue because of how beautiful, meaningful, and healing their music is, the artists that seem to barely exist on the Internet, that are so lowkey and precious that I feel like I am the only that really listens to and loves them, the very artists that make my world revolve, that push me to go on when I want to give up, that I owe so much of my life to, all decided to release music, suddenly be active, hold events, and meet their fans in one way or another. Right. When. I am here, too. This sort of timing in life is nothing I had control of. It was all luck and I am just so deeply, infinitely, perpetually, until the end of this world, thankful. Every day I am so thankful. I didn’t ask for any of this, I didn’t hope for it, I didn’t even think about the possibility of these events happening in my life. But they did somehow. And for that, I am just so so so grateful. It’s just crazy to think that years ago, as a sophomore in high school. My heart would bulge with immense affection for these people & their music. They were unreal, almost-fantasy-like existences that made life-saving music and that I cherished so immensely. But little did I know 4 or 5 years later, this could happen to me. That there was actually a worth to loving these almost “nobody” musicians. I just constantly feel like I am always receiving from them, and never giving back. I really do owe them so much. Thank you, to my beloved artists. For everything.

Moving on to the people that have made my first semester here at Yonsei even brighter: our dumbass squad consisting of lil hoorey, 왕언니 ana, smol laura, dumbass closted weaboo Wilson, & even dumber josh LOL I am so blessed to have met such funny, stupid, understanding friends. Before arriving to Korea, I was STRESSED that I wouldn’t be able to find friends because I hate alcohol, I hate clubbing, I hate mainstream K-pop and simply many parts of popular Korean culture are things that I am not particularly a fan of. But thankfully, I have found an endearing group of friends that share these same sentiments. These reliable people have honestly shaped so much of my experiences here and I am forever thankful. IT JUST SUCKS THAT I AM THE ONLY ONE STAYING FOR A YEAR LOL. But yes, thank you friends, for everything <3 .

Have I exhausted all of my thanks at this point?? Probably not. But I’ll save those for my own heart and mind to cherish. Going abroad was and has been and will be an experience that I don’t think I could ever properly express with words alone. I think it’s always like that when it comes to these rants LOLLL. I rant because I need to vent these feelings and emotions and flaring thoughts. But I just end up struggling to articulate everything and get my heart across properly. Sigh.

Homesickness? Is this something I was supposed to address? Maybe exchange students are probably expected to always talk about this. But for me, it was a nonexistent notion. Being born and raised in the bay area, having lived in the same exact house, having slept in the same creaky, old bed for 18 years in a row, has provided me with a comfort that I probably take for granted more than I should, but has also left me with an intense urgency to explore more, see more, do more, and just breathe more. The Bay Area can be extremely toxic and suffocating in so many ways, and it a space that I know I can go back to whenever my heart desires, but it is also a space that I do not wish to prolong my stay in any further. My immediate family has also never been a significant part of my life: I have never relied on them for emotional nor mental support. Maturing into an adult with this sort of detachment has hindered and helped me in countless ways. There were definitely times throughout my life where I despised them for the way in which everything turned out. For how miserable or lonely or stuck or negligent I sometimes felt. But I know that without that detachment, I would not be where I am today. To my next semester at Yonsei, you look questionable, daunting, and exciting. I honestly can’t even begin to imagine what will be in store for me. All I can wish for is health & happiness.

가즈으으아!!~

#korea #yonsei university #should this be called klife or ktravels i have no clue #i am quite confused about myself still #i am also currently very sleepy #i cant believe it's coming to an end so quickly..

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earthconstructs · 4 years ago

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why / the last two years / what I want now / at this point

Simon asked me why I want this job, as it’s not an obvious/traditional career progression for me. It’s a long answer, but something I feel is a worthwhile exercise to set out clearly. It’s an accumulation of the last 2 years of thinking, reading and reflection, and I’m going to try and summarise it all here. It’s all up in my head, but I am always feeling like I’m unable to explain it clearly to other people, and maybe that is because I can’t see it clearly myself.

In order to see how I’ve changed, I thought I might first capture what my life was like in Perth, some context on why I was living like that, and what my influences have been over the last 2 years, to lead me to how I’m thinking now. It’s funny timing writing this actually, on 24 November 2020. As I finished working in my last job on 23 November 2018. It’s been exactly two years.

2018 – the perfect job, no time

Two years ago, when I was working full time in Perth, I was always trying to figure out why I had no time. I had the ‘perfect job’, but I wanted to be spending more time reading, or playing the piano, and it just wasn’t happening. It was something that I wanted to do, so why couldn’t I fit it in? I also felt that I barely had any down time. I was rarely home, and any time that I was home, I was looking after animals when pet sitting, or looking after Kep, doing chores or scrolling on Instagram. I never had time to sit down and read a book. Although I would schedule in hours at the beach to read, I would always end up catching up with a friend instead.

The career crisis in 2015, and what I wanted from a job back then

Some context – I had a career crisis in 2015. I had done all the right things (finished university studies, gone backpacking through Europe for 3 months, got a well-paying job, bought a house) but I was bored and watching the clock at work which I hated. I wanted a job which I loved, that was fun and engaging, meaningful, and was helping people and society. I did a brainstorm of all the things that I enjoyed, that I was good at, and what the potential jobs out of that were:

- Being outside

- Animals, nature

- Driving

- Helping people, teaching

- Seeing the meaningful impact of my work

- And not the impact in that I could see where the mining company I was working for was cutting away the side of a mountain in outback Australia

After exploring some options, I decided I wanted to work at the Water Corporation. I wanted to learn water engineering, and maybe do a field placement overseas one day. I was also feeling frustrated about not being able to see the end customer who I was working for at Rio Tinto (China and India’s construction industry seemed so far away) and hoped that at the Water Corporation, I’d feel more connected to the end customer.

This ended up to be true. I loved working for my state, in the regional team. It felt really lucky that one of the graduate engineers was finishing up his rotation in the team and needed to hand over the sniffer dog project to someone. We asked our managers if I could take over the project, they said yes, and that’s how I ended up with the most fun project that I could have ever imagined working on.

Which brings me back to the end of 2018 – perfect job and no time

The job was perfect because it ticked all my previous requirements:

- I could see the impact of my work in the community, providing an essential service throughout Australia

- My work was helping the environment by saving water in Australia’s dry climate

- I was working with DOGS

- I was working with DOGS, OUTSIDE - walking around where pipes were laid in the countryside, DRIVING out to the countryside, bliss

- I was doing something new and exciting that has never been done before, which meant I got involved in driving corporate innovation, with a project that was celebrating an unexpected, but simple and cost effective solution to a complex asset management problem, and I won an internal innovation award for my work. My work was fun, engaging and rewarding.

I was rolling out the implementation of the project, and finalising all the documentation, while travelling to site with Kep to get her trained and ready for handover, presenting at conferences in Perth, Brisbane, Melbourne, Sydney, speaking at events such as Engineers Australia’s ‘Young Innovative Engineers’ event, and also making time for filming for internal media communications, state news broadcasts, meeting our Minister for Water, and visiting schools to help to spread the Waterwise message. This meant that people were always asking after, or wanting an update on how the project was going. And after seeing her on TV, people in the community started to recognise Kep. I felt like I was under constant scrutiny, and that I couldn’t hide. Part of my job was also to look after Kep, exercise her (a high energy doggo) on non work days, and taking her to vet appointments, which added to the reason that I could never really switch off from work.

As well as working full time, I was also teaching piano, catching up with friends, cooking healthy food, and getting myself to yoga and gym classes. I eventually realised that it wasn’t reasonable to assume that I could fit in more than I already was. There just wasn’t enough time to do it all. I didn’t have that much time for hobbies, let alone time to be by myself, thinking and reflecting. I didn’t spend much time thinking. I was always doing, always distracted, never really reflecting, thank goodness for yoga, at least I was having some kind of down time. And I never really reflected. I never reflected on what I wanted or what I wanted to do next. But that was ok, because I had plenty of time to do that when I moved to Germany. (There were also other reasons, i.e. nihilism, why I liked to keep myself busy and distracted.)

2018 to 2020 – the two year process

I pushed through with the busy life right up until I flew out to Germany. I was excited to move to and start a new adventure. I planned to get there, do some travel, do some reading, learn German, have heaps of free time to read books and play the piano.

But instead, I had an existential crisis once I arrived. I felt that while I enjoyed my work in Perth, and I’d just finished up in the “perfect job”, I hadn’t really chosen any of it, and that I ended up doing it because of luck. But really, it was what I wanted at the time. I think I was also pretty burnt out.

The dangers of having too little to do - The School of Life

The importance of a breakdown - The School of Life

In the last 2 years, I have done so much reflecting. I can see things in myself that I had never noticed before. I’ve learnt so much, and grown up so much.

These were the influences:

- It’s not that I don’t have time, it’s that it’s not a priority - Ted Talk by Laura Vanderkam

- I realised I was too busy and too distracted to really know myself. I realised that a lot of my internal conflict was because I didn’t know what I truly wanted

- Mindfulness, slow, conscious living – doing each thing with intention, not multitasking too much

- My mum had a near death experience, I looked after her as she settled back into home life after she was discharged from hospital. I guess it was a classic example of, you never know what can happen. Don’t wait to tell people you love them etc.

- Being Mortal – does staying alive for as long as possible (propped up on medicine, or in the worst case, life support machine) matter more, or does quality of life matter more?

- Do less but better - Essentialism – The Disciplined Pursuit of Less Greg McKeown

- The underrated importance of play, creativity, and doing things with our hands

- Aeon articles on capitalism

In Summary:

I realised that I was burnt out. I was doing way too much, way too much compared to what humans were designed to do.

I had played into this paradigm of do better / aim high / you can achieve anything / what have you achieved / be more / show yourself / you are special.

Now, I am trying to balance the merits of a full time job, while leaving brain space free for the other things that are important in life, that give my life meaning.

Earlier this year just before the COVID pandemic started actually, I wrote out what my drivers for life are now:

- Understanding

- Enjoyment

- Appreciation

I am aiming to:

- Live in the present more

- Enjoy what I have right now

- Appreciate the little things

- Live slower, more mindfully and more consciously

- Get to know Europe

- Have the brain space to make sense of the world, people, systems in the way that I need to

- Resist modern life and busy-ness

And so, what I want in a job now is:

A job where, when I’m not at the job, I’m not thinking about it. What the New Jazz teacher said on his channel really stuck with me - he works as a bus driver because when he’s not driving a bus, he’s not thinking about how to drive the bus.

I want to free up my creative brain. I want to leave space in my brain for the other things that make my life meaningful.

I’ve had the intense job that was fun, rewarding, but I struggled to fit in my hobbies. Work took up too much of my time and my brain space, and I don’t want to do that again. I was burnt out, too invested in my job, I couldn’t switch off, I had trouble sleeping. I don’t want to live my life like that.

In the last two years, I’ve come to accept that I’m a simple human being. A good night’s sleep, a healthy diet, social contact and connection, hobbies that you enjoy, exercise, and a routine and sense that you are contributing towards something are the basic needs that I want to fulfil for myself.

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fraddit · 7 years ago

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Type Two - The Helper - Snow (2), Rumple (2w3)

Master poster with other characters

Wing descriptions toward the bottom. I didn’t write any of this, just put it here on tumblr for ease of access.

From https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-2

Twos are empathetic, sincere, and warm-hearted. They are friendly, generous, and self-sacrificing, but can also be sentimental, flattering, and people-pleasing. They are well-meaning and driven to be close to others, but can slip into doing things for others in order to be needed. They typically have problems with possessiveness and with acknowledging their own needs. At their Best: unselfish and altruistic, they have unconditional love for others.

Basic Fear: Of being unwanted, unworthy of being loved Basic Desire: To feel loved Enneagram Two with a One-Wing: "Servant" Enneagram Two with a Three-Wing: "The Host/Hostess" Key Motivations: Want to be loved, to express their feelings for others, to be needed and appreciated, to get others to respond to them, to vindicate their claims about themselves.

The Meaning of the Arrows (in brief) When moving in their Direction of Disintegration (stress), needy Twos suddenly become aggressive and dominating at Eight. However, when moving in their Direction of Integration (growth), prideful, self-deceptive Twos become more self-nurturing and emotionally aware, like healthy Fours. Learn more about the arrows.

We have named personality type Two The Helper because people of this type are either the most genuinely helpful to other people or, when they are less healthy they are the most highly invested in seeing themselves as helpful. Being generous and going out of their way for others makes Twos feel that theirs is the richest, most meaningful way to live. The love and concern they feel—and the genuine good they do—warms their hearts and makes them feel worthwhile. Twos are most interested in what they feel to be the “really, really good” things in life—love, closeness, sharing, family, and friendship.

When Twos are healthy and in balance, they really are loving, helpful, generous, and considerate. People are drawn to them like bees to honey. Healthy Twos warm others in the glow of their hearts. They enliven others with their appreciation and attention, helping people to see positive qualities in themselves that they had not previously recognized. In short, healthy Twos are the embodiment of “the good parent” that everyone wishes they had: someone who sees them as they are, understands them with immense compassion, helps and encourages with infinite patience, and is always willing to lend a hand—while knowing precisely how and when to let go. Healthy Twos open our hearts because theirs are already so open and they show us the way to be more deeply and richly human.

However, Twos’ inner development may be limited by their “shadow side”—pride, self-deception, the tendency to become over-involved in the lives of others, and the tendency to manipulate others to get their own emotional needs met. Transformational work entails going into dark places in ourselves, and this very much goes against the grain of the Two’s personality structure, which prefers to see itself in only the most positive, glowing terms.

Perhaps the biggest obstacle facing Twos, Threes, and Fours in their inner work is having to face their underlying Center fear of worthlessness. Beneath the surface, all three types fear that they are without value in themselves, and so they must be or do something extraordinary in order to win love and acceptance from others. In the average to unhealthy Levels, Twos present a false image of being completely generous and unselfish and of not wanting any kind of pay-off for themselves, when in fact, they can have enormous expectations and unacknowledged emotional needs.

Average to unhealthy Twos seek validation of their worth by obeying their superego’s demands to sacrifice themselves for others. They believe they must always put others first and be loving and unselfish if they want to get love. The problem is that “putting others first” makes Twos secretly angry and resentful, feelings they work hard to repress or deny. Nevertheless, they eventually erupt in various ways, disrupting Twos’ relationships and revealing the inauthenticity of many of the average to unhealthy Two’s claims about themselves and the depth of their “love.”

But in the healthy range, the picture is completely different. My own (Don's) maternal grandmother was an archetypal Two. During World War II, she was “Moms” to what seemed like half of Keisler Air Force Base in Biloxi, Mississippi, feeding the boys, allowing her home to be used as a “home away from home,” giving advice and consolation to anyone lonely or fearful about going to war. Although she and her husband were not wealthy and had two teenage children of their own, she cooked extra meals for the servicemen, put them up at night, and saw to it that their uniforms had all of their buttons and were well pressed. She lived until her 80’s, remembering those years as the happiest and most fulfilling of her life—probably because her healthy Two capacities were so fully and richly engaged.

Type Two—Levels of Development Healthy Levels

Level 1 (At Their Best): Become deeply unselfish, humble, and altruistic: giving unconditional love to self and others. Feel it is a privilege to be in the lives of others.

Level 2: Empathetic, compassionate, feeling for others. Caring and concerned about their needs. Thoughtful, warm-hearted, forgiving and sincere.

Level 3: Encouraging and appreciative, able to see the good in others. Service is important, but takes care of self too: they are nurturing, generous, and giving—a truly loving person.

Average Levels

Level 4: Want to be closer to others, so start "people pleasing," becoming overly friendly, emotionally demonstrative, and full of "good intentions" about everything. Give seductive attention: approval, "strokes," flattery. Love is their supreme value, and they talk about it constantly.

Level 5: Become overly intimate and intrusive: they need to be needed, so they hover, meddle, and control in the name of love. Want others to depend on them: give, but expect a return: send double messages. Enveloping and possessive: the codependent, self-sacrificial person who cannot do enough for others—wearing themselves out for everyone, creating needs for themselves to fulfill.

Level 6: Increasingly self-important and self-satisfied, feel they are indispensable, although they overrate their efforts in others' behalf. Hypochondria, becoming a "martyr" for others. Overbearing, patronizing, presumptuous.

Unhealthy Levels

Level 7: Can be manipulative and self-serving, instilling guilt by telling others how much they owe them and make them suffer. Abuse food and medication to "stuff feelings" and get sympathy. Undermine people, making belittling, disparaging remarks. Extremely self-deceptive about their motives and how aggressive and/or selfish their behavior is.

Level 8: Domineering and coercive: feel entitled to get anything they want from others: the repayment of old debts, money, sexual favors.

Level 9: Able to excuse and rationalize what they do since they feel abused and victimized by others and are bitterly resentful and angry. Somatization of their aggressions results in chronic health problems as they vindicate themselves by "falling apart" and burdening others. Generally corresponds to the Histrionic Personality Disorder and Factitious Disorder.

From http://theenneagram.blogspot.com/2007/09/type-2.html

2w1 - Seeking Love and Rightness

This wing brings conscience and emotional containment to the basic Two style. When healthy, they act from general principles about the value of serving others. Ethics come before pride. May hold themselves to high standards. More discreet and respectful of other people's boundaries. When upset, tend to go quiet and experience strong emotions internally. More melancholy than Twos with a 3 wing. When less healthy and entranced, tend to confuse their sense of mission with self-centered needs. Go blind to their own motives; invade and dominate others. Believe their actions are perfectly justified by their ethic of helping. May repress their personal desires and focus on others as a way to avoid guilty dilemma between the rules and their inner needs. If really blind they will warp their ethics crazily to justify personal selfishness and prideful hostility.

2w3 - Seeking Love and Image (Rumple)

This wing brings Twos an extra measure of sociability and the capacity to make things happen. When healthy, can be charming, good-natured and heartfelt. Really get things done, serve effectively on projects that involve the well-being of others. Thrive on group process and are generally good communicators. Enjoy keeping several threads or projects going at once. Entranced Twos with a 3 wing can be quite emotionally competitive and controlling. 3 wing brings a double dose of vanity. Strong tendency to live in one's images. May grow brazenly deluded, preferring their glamorous, self-important scenarios to reality. Tendencies to deceit and emotional calculation. Highly manipulative. This wing is also more extroverted; dramatization of feeling in the form of hysterical snit-fits is far more possible.

#fraddit enneagram shit #apologies for the spam

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heroacademiaimagines · 7 years ago

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HP AU (Part 2)

(I’ll leave Aizawa’s not under the cut so you guys can see how it’s set up! Not everyone is in this, just class 1A but if you’d like the others I’d be happy to do them upon request!)

Aizawa Shouta: Patronus – Ragdoll cat. Blood Status – Half-blood. Quidditch Position – None. It didn’t interest him but he did help out others who wanted to train, and thus he has some knowledge of each position. Future Career – Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor (technically current career). It was a subject he was both knowledgeable about, being a former Auror, and taught with ease. He was big on not just attacking these dark spells, but on learning how to defend.

Aoyama Yuuga: Patronus – Peacock. Blood Status – Pureblood. Quidditch Position – None. He thinks Quidditch is barbaric and would rather spend his time doing worthwhile things. Future Career – Actor. He becomes quite a famous face even among muggles, using his natural charm (with some potions perhaps) to charm the audience into loving him. He retires early and writes books about his experiences, but in the muggle version of his autobiography, his school years are an outlandish lie.

Asui Tsuyu: Patronus – Great Grey Owl. Blood Status- Muggleborn. Quidditch Position – None. She didn’t much like sports nor flying, she’d prefer staying in the grounds or doing something water-related (she’d spend afternoons chatting with Giant Squid in the lake). Future Career – Muggle Relations. Being Muggleborn makes her a pro at this, and she wishes to further the understanding between Muggles and the magical world.

Ashido Mina: Patronus – Dragonfly. Blood Status – Half-blood. Quidditch Position – Chaser. She whips around the field like she owns the place, she’s quite quick and a total menace for the other team. Future Career – Professional Quidditch player. She found she had a talent and she’s a natural on a broom, so of course she followed her heart right into the thrilling competitive sport! She loves when fans begin cheering her name in the crowd.

Bakugou Katsuki: Patronus – King Cobra. Blood Status – Half-blood. Quidditch Position – Beater. This position lets him get his anger out and the others try to avoid him like a wildfire, because they know he’ll hit them as hard as he can. He often gets fouls called on him from being a little too aggressive on the field. Future Career: Auror. He has a tendency not to listen to his superiors because he’s annoyed that they went to school together, yet somehow, he became head instead of Bakugou. His bitterness doesn’t stop him from racking up awards galore from taking down dangerous dark wizards.

Hagakure Tooru: Patronus – Chameleon. Blood Status – Pureblood. Quidditch Position – Seeker. She’s pretty good on a broom, and near impossible to see, especially when flying. She works as the perfect seeker because she has a good eye for the tiny snitch, and you never know when she’s going to catch it. Future Career – Potions Professor. Her constant invisibility had made her quite infamous, and she decided her talent truly lied in teaching Potions. She’s a playful teacher who encourages her students to experiment with (safe) potions and keeps a close eye on them, though it does cause trouble for other professors.

Iida Tenya: Patronus – Cheetah. Blood Status – Pureblood. Quidditch Position – Chaser. He was only a player for a few years before he became a Prefect, because he felt it necessary to hone certain skills Quidditch can give you. He wasn’t too enthusiastic about it and decided to take on extra classes instead. Future Career – Head of the Improper Use of Magic Office. He finds he’s very good with enforcing rules, and teaching younger students how to control their magic; he may seem rigid at first but he’s very understanding towards young first offenders, and doesn’t mind cleaning up their accidental magic as long as they show genuine remorse.

Jirou Kyouka: Patronus – Lioness. Blood Status – Half-Blood. Quidditch Position – None. She had been a part of frog choir since the start and their schedules overlap. Future Career – Lead Guitarist of a well-known all witch band. Kyouka has to follow her heart and decides it’s best she stay in music; she forms a band a few years after graduating and it leads to instant successes. She’ll often perform at special events for wizarding schools.

Kaminari Denki: Patronus – Field Mouse. Blood Status – Pureblood. Quidditch Position – Beater. He’s gotten hit with a Bludger quite a lot of times while playing this position, but enjoys the attention and worry he gets from his cuter teammates. He eventually quits before he graduates. Future Career – Bartender in Hogsmeade. He likes to stay close to Hogwarts and still interact with the magical folk; he keeps everyone in line nicely as everyone knows his shock hex can leave you sore for weeks.

Kirishima Eijirou: Patronus – Dun Stallion. Blood Status – Half-blood. Quidditch Position – Beater. He’s got the strength and the great aim to knock people right off their brooms with the Bludger, though he always apologizes after the game, especially if he hurt them. Future Career – Auror. Battling dark wizards is what he’s wanted to do since he was young, and despite the many difficult tests that were blocking his way, he persevered and become a well-known Auror.

Kouda Kouji: Patronus – Tortoise. Blood Status – Pureblood. Quidditch Position – None. He never had time, as often when he was in school he would help out the care of magical creature’s professor with taking care of the creatures, and spending time with them is eventually what led to him applying for his future position. Future Career –Care of Magical Creatures professor. He’s an absolute natural with even the most dangerous of creatures, and loves them dearly. He loves to teach other students about creatures and it helped him come out of his shell.

Midoriya Izuku: Patronus - Occamy. Blood Status – Pureblood. Quidditch Position: None (He hates flying brooms) Future Career - Head of the Auror Office. He wanted to make a change in the world and had been inspired by the former head of office, Yagi Toshinori; he was clashing with Todoroki over this title until the latter became Minister of Magic.

Mineta Minoru: Patronus – Hyena. Blood Status – Pureblood. Quidditch Position – Commentator. No one actually wanted him to try out or believed he had any skills, but he can make interesting comments, though he often ignores the male achievers on the team and focuses only on talking about the females. Future Career – Assistant Wandmaker. He’s good especially at repairing wands, and hopes one day to be the main wandmaker in the town.

Ojirou Mashirao: Patronus – Kangaroo. Blood Status – Half-Blood. Quidditch Position – Chaser. He’s good with juggling the Quaffle around and has good teamwork skills, which makes him a talented chaser. Future Career – Curse Breaker. He knows his job is dangerous but he has a penchant for curses and breaking them, and thus chooses this job (a plus is he gets to travel, too).

Satou Rikidou: Patronus - Oryx. Blood Status – Muggleborn. Quidditch Position – None. He was too busy in the dungeon testing out his own skills and trying to brainstorm new, useful potions for the wizarding world (gotta start young). Future Career – Sweets maker at Honeydukes. He has a natural penchant for the sweet stuff and often spent his weekends in Hogsmeade at Honeydukes.

Sero Hanta: Patronus – Magpie. Blood Status – Half-blood. Quidditch Position – Commentator. He doesn’t like to play the actual sport but he doesn’t mind making a few silly comments with the other commentator. Sometimes the other one goes a little too far… Future Career – Metal-Charmer. A rare profession that he found himself interested in as he enjoyed the thought of enchanting objects, and also has a talent for Charms.

Shouji Mezou: Patronus – Octopus. Blood Status – Pureblood. Quidditch Position – Keeper. He has an amazing amount of defensive skills and it’s near impossible to get a Quaffle past him while he’s guarding. Future Career – Unspeakable. No one knows what his job entails as he works in the Department of Mysteries, but he’s amazingly good at it because he rarely talks, and a secret will never slip past his lips.

Todoroki Shouto: Patronus - Swan. Blood Status – Pureblood. Quidditch Position – Captain. He likes to be in charge, and he has good planning abilities, being on the team also helps him learn to listen to others ideas. Future Career - Minister of Magic. Despite his amazing abilities on the battlefield he has an acute sense of diplomacy due to his father’s harsh upbringing, and wishes to (spite) him by making the world a better place for half-blood and Muggleborn wizards.

Tokoyami Fumikage: Patronus – Crow. Blood Status – Pureblood. Quidditch Position – Seeker. He’s a complete natural in the air and feels quite at home up there, sometimes he gets distracted by the atmosphere and zones out of the game temporarily, but he always makes it up by scoring a few goals with some brutal offense. Future Career – Hit Wizard. He’s extremely talented and powerful and thus taking down dark wizards is an easy feat for him, his skills often overwhelming them; no one knows why he didn’t just become an Auror as it’s basically the same job.

Uraraka Ochako: Patronus - Wild Cat. Blood Status – Muggleborn. Quidditch Position – Chaser. She likes to play for fun more often than not, but she doesn’t mind getting involved in games if they need her. Future Career – Auror. She finds working as an Auror feels more fulfilling than ever, though it makes her worry more often than not for her parent’s safety. She’s considering becoming a teacher but can’t think of a subject she feels comfortable talking about.

Yaoyorozu Momo: Patronus – Dolphin. Blood Status – Pureblood. Quidditch Position – None. She’s often too busy studying and she had an embarrassing incident where she fell of a broom once, her skirt flew up… and the rest is history. Future Career – Transfiguration Teacher. She’s quite knowledgeable on the subject, and she found she quite enjoys teaching students. She’s actually thrilled when they show improvement in the subject, too.

#Boku no Hero Academia #BNHA #My Hero Academia #BNHA Imagines #Boku no Hero Academia Imagines #HP AU #Harry Potter AU #Harry Potter

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undeadimpulsereviews · 7 years ago

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Shinigami-sama ni Saigo no Onegai wo

So This review is another long overdue review; I kept writing this review out to a point. Everytime I reached said point I thought I could do better; at the moment all my attempts just felt like me ranting unprofessionally. I don’t want this to be the case; I want my reviews to feel more professional. They won’t be perfect, but I want to try an take my time with them and refine them a little more. So I’ll be releasing this along side the review for Onechanbara. Now as for the manga, we’ll be referring to the manga as Shinigami-sama; the title is long in both English and Japanese, so to save time we’ll do this. Lastly I’ll be going in depth into the manga; due to the length and other factors, spoilers can’t be avoided. You have been warned, so read at your own risk.

Do you know what a Shinigami is? They’re not an uncommon trend in the manga business that’s for sure. Even some of the most popular of stories feature these beings. To put in simply, a Shinigami is a god of death; if you’ve read manga like Death Note, or Bleach then you’ve experiences the Shinigami before. Yet this tale we are about to embark on is a lot more obscure, and quite frankly needs some work to be counted among those more well known names.

Shinigami-sama ni Saigo no Onegai wo, a shounen mystery manga from mangaka Yamaguchi Mikoto, is a story of two siblings trying to figure out the mystery of who murdered their family. The manga was first published a few years back, 2009 to be exact; it was part of Gangan Joker Magazine, and it ran for a little over a year. The manga only lasted for a solid eighteen chapters; I don’t know for what reasons it was stopped, if I had to guess I’d say it was cancelled due to certain circumstances. From what I can see online, people tend to like the manga; they don’t find it amazing, but it’s generally given an average of sevens among readers. I probably never would have read this manga under normal circumstances; though a friend of mine recommended it to me, thinking I’d enjoy it. After reading the manga I left not with a sense of enjoyment, but disgust and anger. I’d say that this manga was one of the first really terrible stories I had the misfortune to read. I don’t see the appeal that others see from this manga; it’s story is rushed and riddled with plot holes, and the characters are heavily forced extremes that change personalities on a dime for no honest reason. The only thing I can give this manga is that it’s visuals aren’t terrible; at least not all the time. There are moments where the visuals take a drastic turn for no reason, just like the characters, but other than that it’s alright. Though I didn’t want decent visuals with a terrible story; I wanted a worthwhile mystery manga with an enjoyable beginning, middle, and end. Though I’m getting nowhere just ranting along, so allow me to explain.

Shinigami-sama follows the story of a brother and sister after losing their family; the brother, Aida Shizuka, is blamed with the murder of their parents and his sister. The sister, Aida Hibiki, is reborn as a shinigami and is tasked with giving her brother his last request before he dies. Though all she wants is for him to go straight to hell for his crimes. However, something isn’t right; the evidence just doesn’t add up. So it’s up to the two siblings to overcome their differences and solve the case. Though something ominous waits in the shadows, and even those closest to them may not be as trustworthy as they once seemed.

On paper Shinigami-sama seems like an interesting read; a murder mystery that transcends life and death. Yet after all is said and done, the story is far from interesting. Instead it comes off more aggravating to read; this is due to the manga’s poor pacing and clear plot holes. Now the manga is short, as I stated before it only runs a total of eighteen chapters. This doesn’t give a lot of time to develop a story, and this is one of the clues that point at the manga being cancelled. The other clue comes from the manga’s ending; this is also where one of the biggest problems arise, but we’ll get to that later. Due to a possible cancellation, the manga suffers a lot. The overall structure of the manga changes drastically over the eighteen chapters. At first it’s Shizuka in jail, as Hibiki comes to lead him to hell. Before all this though Hibiki must undertake another job to fulfill a request for a dying girl. This last request is to give her the a healthy body for one day. This girl goes on to kill seven people, Shizuka included. Then the next chapters play out like this; Shizuka and Hibiki spend a day together before their trial comes; with this day they plan to force the death of random people so they can get their last request. They back out of this plan entirely and end up at their trial. At the trial Shizuka manages to overturn their sentence and now must work alongside the shinigami. Then a bunch of chapters happen where they do shinigami work; all this leading up to the last chapter. At no point does Hibiki or Shizuka go out and actually investigate what happened to them; yet at the last chapter they have all this evidence that they say is important, and also decide to introduce the idea of another story integral character. This character doesn’t get any screen time before the manga ends and it’s left hanging entirely.Now let’s break this down a bit more; in the first chapter it’s clear that Hibiki has the knowledge of how last requests work. The rules state that a shinigami must not give a last request to someone who caused a grievous crime. So Shizuka, having murdered his family, would be sent straight to hell. Instead of doing this out right, she decides to take him out of prison for some reason and visits the girl in question. Keep all this in mind, we’ll be coming back to it. Now another rule is that a shinigami can not grant requests that entail murdering another, or something like revival or reincarnation. Now the girl asks for a healthy body; due to her weak heart she’s always been stuck in a wheel chair. I see nothing wrong with this last request. Though of course she wants to utilize her new body to kill random people. Though what motive would she have for this? Well because due to her body she found herself playing a lot of games, and one of which was hunting games. Just once in her life she wanted to try hunting, and what better target than a human? I’m not making this up, she literally decides that humans would be the best target because, and I quote, “who would care if six or so just up and disappeared? there are millions in the world.” For what reason did playing games and being handicapped fuel a motive to commit murder? Though Hibiki didn’t know that she would use this request for evil intent. So keep that in mind as well. Now one of the people the girl killed was Shizuka; at that point he wasn’t dead, but an escaped convict due to Hibiki, smart right? So what does Hibiki do? She decides to throw away her PDA, a tool which can be used to force a shinigami to go back to headquarters, and she takes the body of Shizuka and breaks the rule of revival. Now that the recap is out of the way there are a few clear problems that arise from just this FIRST CHAPTER! At the beginning Hibiki is well aware that murderers don’t get a last request, so why does she revive Shizuka in chapter two? If you plan to argue that it was out of familial love then you can just stop there. Hibiki clearly says that she doesn’t think of him as a “beloved brother”. She did it because it’s the shinigami’s job to grant a last request for those who die; as Hibiki states there should be no problem then. Though there is a clear problem because as was made clear in chapter one, murders don’t get a last request. Just because Shizuka dies by different means doesn’t excuse the charges placed on him; plus at this point it’s still unclear that he didn’t commit the murder. Hibiki doesn’t fully believe that his brother commited the crime, but there is no valid proof he didn’t. Next a couple chapters later Hibiki is put on trial alongside Shizuka for the events that took place; I can understand that she would be in trouble for the reviving someone after death, but she is also blamed for the death of the seven people the girl killed due to her granting the last request. Though how was Hibiki supposed to know the girl would use it to murder someone? There is no rule saying that the request of this girl to have a healthy body for a day can’t be granted, and the girl doesn’t flat out say I want to kill people so I need a healthy body. So why is Hibiki essentially being blamed for the murder of seven people. Then comes the sequence before the trial; Hibiki decides that the only way to save them from going to hell forever is to have the last request from another be used on them. To do this they go to a suicide meet up; this event is where individuals with a troubled past get together to perform suicide. Though there are many problems with this scene. One being the fact that something this cult like exists in reality, but let’s leave that be. The biggest problem comes in the form that those who commit suicide can get a last request, so Hibiki decides to have someone murder one of the two girls and force them to give a fake request to benefit them. Yet later in the manga it’s revealed that fate is a huge thing among the shinigami; someones death is preordained, and how they die as well. So technically speaking the seven murders were forseen, yet they didn’t stop Hibiki. The plan that Shizuka and Hibiki planned to undertake was not stopped, and this whole sequence is never brought to light ever again. If fate exists, and if life is following a set path for the shinigami, then why is Hibiki not answering for the attempted murder of two individuals. Is it because she wasn’t the one who was getting her hands dirty, because that’s lazy. Instead of them murdering someone they have the organizer do it. The person behind the event is a man who is masquerading as a women; he holds this event so he can have his way with the people he fools. Of course this holds no repercussions for him because after raping them they just kill themselves. It’s taking every fiber of my being not to throw up. So how does the event end? The man doesn’t kill or rape the two girls, instead of runs scared, the two girls are then told that one will go free if they kill the other. Yet these two are best friends, and could never kill each other. Scratch that, they hate each other now and are fully ready to kill the other for stupid reasons. Though Shizuka grows a conscious at the last second, albeit a psychotic one, and stops them from killing each other. Making the entire scene, and the two chapters it took to tell it all, completely useless. This is literally just the first four chapters; so much happens in the manga up to this point and none of it good. We’re supposed to be uncovering a mystery behind the murder of an entire family and instead we get half-assed forced tension that has no business being in the manga. Half if the manga is filled with scenes that don’t need to be in the manga. The part after the trial, where Shizuka starts to work for the shinigami as a sort of probation, is not needed. It’s just a bunch of chapters of them either granting a last request or taking care of a evil spirit. There is no investigation into the murder, or really any progress made at all. Which ultimately leads to the end of the manga.

After coming across a bunch of information that wasn’t in the manga, save for maybe a couple random bits that were hard to pick up, Shizuka decides to finally look deeper into the murders and comes to a realization as to who it might be. At this point he confronts a random character that was never introduced in the manga. This person knocks Shizuka out and carries him away, and all that’s left is this note written to Hibiki. There is no closure, but instead a lot of questions and this terrible ending dialogue aksing Hibiki to follow to clues so that the manga can reach it’s conclusion. There is nothing past this; we never find out the identity of the true culprit. A lot of people think this is because the mangaka wanted to leave it to the reader to figure out on their own. Though with the last line of text I can’t see any other argument other than a cancellation. For a manga that’s only eighteen chapters long it surely feels a lot longer, though while it feels drawn out, there was little progress made. After looking back on everything I still stand by my first impressions of this manga; it’s not good and the story is one of the main reasons. Though it’s characters are another such factor that can’t be overlooked.

Shinigami-sama has a pretty large cast of characters; most are just supporting, while Hibiki and Shizuka are the main two however. Though honestly speaking, you could take A lot of these supporting characters out of the manga. The two random girls in chapters three and four are useless to the story, same with the man that attempted to rape them. Half of the shinigami are not needed and only serve as minor characters that the main two can consider “friends”. In actuality the only people that really matter in this story are Hibiki and Shizuka, another shinigami named Saaya, and the mysterious person at the end of the manga. The other shinigami during the trial don’t honestly matter, because they hold no weight towards the end game. Same goes for the girl in the first chapter; sure she serves as a means to push the trial in motions, but given that the reasoning is stupid and it brings nothing to light she’s also not needed. Though again they are mostly supporting characters; the true test of the manga comes from the main two. Do they develop well over the course of the manga? Not really, instead of uncovering the mystery behind the first murder, Hibiki goes from hating her brother to almost loving him. This is due to the fact that she takes a lot of random conjuncture from someone at face value. There are no clues to go on, but one person tells her that it’s impossible for Shizuka to have murdered his family because he’s just not that type of person. Putting the fact that that is a stupid argument; It takes no time at all for Hibiki to develop a complex for her brother. While it’s not said out right, it’s clear that Hibiki has growing feelings for Shizuka, and none on a familial level. Why though? Shizuka has shown no great qualities; in fact I’d say he’s done the exact opposite.

The page above comes from chapter four, after you find out that the two random girls actually hate each other and their about to kill one another, Shizuka steps in to the situation and says this to them. He goes full psycho and threatens to kill two people regardless of his situation. Of course this is a bluff to scare them, but given the events leading up to this frame and the information we’ve already established, Shizuka should not be acting in this matter. Also if you think this happens only once, for Shizuka or anyone else, you are sadly mistaken. Random characters start to distort their face in gross psychotic episodes for no reason. Just a couple pages before the one pictured above, one of the girls also goes full psycho as she proclaims her hate for the other. These aren’t interesting characters; I don’t want to root for them, and I don’t find them enjoyable. There is nothing human about any of these people; they change emotions on a dime and their motives are all over the place. Even the backstories of characters are half-assed; Shizuka was working on a novel about a boy murdering his family. What a coincidence right? Except that’s the basis for why he couldn’t have killed his family. Due to him having to research murder through constant reading; there’s no way someone like him could have executed such a task. Absolutely no way he can kill his sickly and blind mother, younger sister, and father. That’s a poor excuse for a back story, and alibi. The problems mostly arise from the characters and their personalities, or in this case lack thereof. Though some problems arise from how the characters are portrayed visually. We went into it a little, but lets look a little closer.

While Yamaguchi Mikoto struggles to make a compelling story with interesting and enjoyable characters; Mikoto’s visual style is not all bad. There are plenty of moments through out Shinigami-sama that, while nothing amazing, are nice breaks in between all the bad.

It’s not heavily detailed, and the designs don’t go above and beyond, but that’s alright. I don’t mind seeing pages like this throughout the manga. Yet most of these pages are overshadowed by two different instances of terrible illustrations. I’ve already shown the moments where a characters emotions just skyrocket out of control, but I’ll show another example from another random instance.

This is Shizuka during the trial in chapter five; for whatever reason as the trial progresses he starts to get crazier and crazier in his responses to the shinigami leader. There is no reason for this and honestly just takes away from the experience. Shizuka is usually seen as very calm; his eyes are always closed, much like Brock from Pokemon. Though when these scenes pop up his eyes shoot open and look as they do above. It’s like all of his proportions just grown to fill his face; sure if there was a reason for this, maybe I’d be more accepting of it, but there is no reason. He’s just crazy to add suspense where suspense isn’t needed. The next instance comes from the female characters; after the trial we are introduced to a few other shinigami. These shinigami were first seen in chapter two, but we get more of them later. For some reason all the shinigami are female in this manga, and randomly during chapter two they decide to have random ecchi scenes that do nothing for the manga.

The scene above is meant to recap the previous chapter to Shizuka, but couldn’t we have done this in a normal setting. Did someone really ask to see a random guy bathing a small women, (Her backstory is that she started really tall for her age, and then as she grew up she is now the smallest person among the shinigami) I know their is a demographic for this stuff, but there are plenty of possibly better manga out there for people to get their fix. It’s not just the girl above though, each girl shinigami other than the commander has a scene like this; they just don’t all feature shizuka. The visuals could be something more, but instead Yamaguchi springs for a visuals style with more gross imagery to it. So in the end while the visuals have their moments, it’s just not enough for me.

Overall I give Shinigami-sama ni Saigo no Onegai wo a 1 out of 10; it’s one of the worst reads I’ve read in some time. The only saving features of the manga are that it’s short, and it has those occasional visual moments. Though again if I want occasionally good visuals I could think of better methods than reading this excuse for a manga. Plus while it was short, that doesn’t make it any less painful to read. The story is poorly paced and just down right bad; while the characters are developed terribly, and are some of the most aggravating characters to follow. I don’t recommend this manga; I wouldn’t give it to my enemies if I had them. You want a better mystery experience, then I’ve got a few recommendation. Go play the Layton or Phoenix Wright series; not a gamer? Then read Case Closed. This isn’t worth your time, or mine.

The review for Onechanbara will release today along side this review, if you want to read that one then check it out; however, that will end this month of reviews. Sorry again for the delay, I’ve been trying to make this more of a professional thing and that’s hard on my current school schedule. Until next time, have a good day and I’ll see you soon.

#manga #review #Shinigami-sama ni Saigo no Onegai wo #shounen #mystery #gangan joker #yamaguchi mikoto #mikoto yamaguchi #psychological #last wish to the shinigami #shinigami #the final wishes granted by a grim reaper

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quotespicture · 5 years ago

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https://quoteswithpicture.com/find-your-calling-5-steps-to-discover-the-real-you/

Find Your Calling: 5 Steps To Discover The Real You

Find your calling, discover your life’s purpose; this idea of a “true calling” and the desire to find it seems like it’s becoming more and more prevalent.

As personal development becomes more popular, the idea of maintaining the status quo continues to lose support. This coincides with the growing number of people who are burnt out and in want of a life that feels better, inspires growth, and has a positive impact on the world.

To help you create a meaningful life, below you’ll find some simple ideas on how to find your calling.

Steps to Find Your Calling

Many of us get caught in believing that our true calling is going to lead to widespread recognition and a sizeable fortune. Although this may be true for a few of us it certainly isn’t guaranteed or required.

Some may be called to be the best sous chef in their town, others may find that organic gardening or working with kids is where they belong. All of these are equally as legitimate and valuable to the communities they serve – arguably even more so – than the work of a movie star or pop singer.

Keep this in mind as to not fool yourself into thinking that recognition and fame are needed for you to have found your calling. If those things show up as a side benefit then great, enjoy them and use them to the best of your ability to keep moving forward and increasing your impact. Just don’t mistake the outward image of success for having successfully found your calling.

The Japanese have a term for finding your true calling called Ikigai and derive it from the intersection of that which you love, that which you are good at, that which the world needs, and that which you can be paid for.

Finding this Ikigai is of great benefit to both the individual and the world at large. Just imagine what the world would look like if the majority of us were living at this intersection of passion, profession, vocation, and mission.

What would we value? How would we spend our time and energy? How would we deal with issues of poverty and pollution? I believe we would find creative, collaborative solutions because that is what the world needs, and it is what we’d want to contribute.

As intelligent and complex beings we have many needs and desires that drive our behavior. One of the strongest of these that often gets ignored is the desire for deep fulfillment. To know that what we’re doing matters and has a positive impact.

The experiences that can arise after determining what it is you were born to do can bring intense clarity, peace and a calm excitement that propels you forward.

The challenge today is that most of us haven’t had the chance to truly hear, let alone listen and respond to our true calling because our lives often don’t provide the context for that to happen. Our education systems largely exist to develop a workforce who will produce, sell and consume goods in order to fuel economic growth and expansion.

We are often fed uninteresting facts and expected to learn and behave in a standardized fashion – sit, read, be quiet, pay attention etc. – this can lead to us becoming stifled, overly self-conscious, and disconnected from our hearts’ desires. We focus on what we should do, rather than on discovering what we were born to do.

Fortunately, there are steps that anyone can take to help them find their true calling, here are a 5 that have worked for me.

Here are the 5 steps that can help you find your calling:

1.) Look Within

Start taking the time to look within yourself. Many of us are deathly afraid of spending time alone and without distraction. I believe this is because we often have an underlying feeling of fear that lingers beneath the surface of everyday life.

Deep down we know that if we shut out the world and look within we are bound to face our demons and confront the issues, traumas, and emotions we’ve kept locked up inside.

We lock away this pain as a means of survival when we lack proper tools and support, it’s adaptive and nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilty about. However, there comes a time when one must journey within.

We then begin to wade through the mess of our internal world and hopefully, with enough time, perseverance, and self-love, emerge a stronger and more empowered version of ourselves.

A helpful attitude to cultivate when journeying inwards is that of playfulness. Be sure not to take this process too seriously, we’re only human, pain and ugliness are bound to come up and when we accept them –without judgement and self-loathing- we’re better able to learn from and take power over whatever it is that emerges.

There are many ways to do this inward discovery, I encourage you to play with the two below as a starting point.

2.) Start a Journal

An easy way to get started is to begin keeping a journal. Simply by placing thoughts to paper, we allow ourselves to process what has been backlogged, empty our minds, and bring clarity to how we’re experiencing life.

Don’t be worried about what you’re writing, simply write and let the words flow. If you get stuck, start to think about things that make you angry, or sad, or whatever emotion or experience is present in that moment.

You can try journaling when you wake up, before you go to bed, or whenever it makes sense and can be fit into your daily routines.

As you journal take the time to go back and read old entries, often times they can be very insightful for understanding our current circumstances and seeing how far we’ve come along our journey.

3.) Become the Observer

Another great way to look within is through the practice of mindfulness, meditation, and time spent alone in nature. In our modern, hyper-stimulated, non-stop world, quiet time and solitude are rare experiences that many of us are deficient in.

Making this kind of time a priority allows us to tune out the external distractions, cultivate awareness and witness how we’re feeling and thinking. It allows us to examine the choices we’re making each day. This awareness of choice is a seed that when nurtured and protected will help us in allowing our Ikigai to blossom.

When you begin to realize that you can shift your focus, you reclaim your power, you are free to imagine how things could be different. With this power, you are better equipped to find harmony within yourself and all of your relationships, both personal and professional.

Please note that I use “begin” when referring to realization because this is rarely a one-time event. True realization and the integration that follows can be a lengthy process.

The transitory nature of experience and our tendency to forget things, even things that at the time are so clear and paradigm shifting, sets us up to re-discover and re-learn the same lesson many times.

One way to help with remembering is to quickly write about or capture on audio or video the realization in the moment and then to read, watch or listen to it on a regular basis.

4.) Expand Your Knowledge Base

Read new books that you wouldn’t typically read. I’m assuming that if you’re reading this then you’re the type of person who still makes the times to read books, and for that, I salute you. Books give you a window into the world of someone else and are full of knowledge, wisdom and valuable insights.

If you’re more of an auditory learner, or constantly on the go, try listening to podcasts and audios from subjects that you’re curious to know more about.

Long form podcasts that allow for a wide range of topics to be discussed are my favorite. The Tim Ferriss Podcast, the Joe Rogan Experience and Tangentially Speaking are three worthwhile examples.

Podcasts have had an appreciable impact on the way I think about and live my life. These varied conversations have introduced me to concepts and possibilities that I never knew existed.

The power of Podcasting is that it allows you to spend time with people you would otherwise never be able to. The traditional alternative would be to read their books and blogs which although valuable are not as accessible to most of us as downloading an MP3 and listening as you go about your day.

To simply be present to the thoughts, stories, and insights of people who are more experienced in life is a true gift.

One other area worth looking at are the types of careers that other people have chosen and created for themselves to see what resonates with you. Try not to idealize those that stand out -to believe that life will be perfect if you could just be like that person- rather, accept that anything worth doing requires hard work and sacrifice. Your mission is to become the best version of yourself, not to try to be exactly like someone else.

5.) Don’t Rush

To Find your calling isn’t always straightforward, in fact, I would argue that for most of us it comes about through a seemingly “random” set of circumstances or challenges.

Many of us have come to know these “random” alignments of people, places, and events as synchronicities; and we believe that the more we live into our true calling, the more synchronistic life tends to be.

Some of us are lucky enough to have life-changing experiences that help reveal our true calling. Such was the case when my appendix ruptured at the age of 18, over the course of the following year of recovery it became crystal clear that I was no longer interested in Automotive Engineering Tech. – I had completed the first two years of the 4-year program with Honors – instead, it was holistic wellness and natural healing that I felt called to pursue.

I now have a large scar on my stomach that I carry with pride knowing that I faced my mortality and surrendered my will to something greater than myself. This is what has allowed me to become the person I am today and it’s a trend I see in many of us who appear to have found their true calling as evidenced by the kind of work they do and things they care about.

It has been both my toughest challenge and greatest blessing; could I have ever planned it that way? Not a chance.

Just remember to take your time, learn to discern what feels right in your heart, and don’t torture yourself when you feel like you’re failing…It is part of the process.

How will you find your calling?

In summary, I believe that we all have a purpose to discover, a calling to answer, an Ikigai to embrace, and it is the mysterious nature of how you find your calling that helps make life such a beautiful adventure.

Know that any journey worth taking is bound to have its fair share of peaks and valleys, the key is to keep moving forward, to trust that with perseverance, honesty, and contemplation you will end up walking the path that is yours and yours alone.

What steps have you taken to find your calling? Do you have any other ideas on identifying your purpose? Feel free to share with us in the comment section below.

#movie quotes

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andymull · 7 years ago

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The WWE Superstar Shake-Up Review - Smackdown Live

After a quick break I present to you the write up of the SD Live side of the superstar shake-up, the slight wait for this brands review has been welcome as things have greatly changed on SD in terms of were people have been slotted and the new feuds that have developed. So with any further wait, wagons roll....

Kevin Owens

The former Universal Champion and current US Champion makes his way to the blue brand, my first thought was that this would be a great move for Kevin in being able to get straight back to the top of the card on SD Live like he was as Universal Champ on Raw but that sadly hasn't developed so far.

He had the US Title, dropped it to Chris Jericho solely so that Jericho could also move brands, then won it back from him the same week solely so that Jericho could leave to do some touring with Fozzy over the summer. Thankfully he is now in a feud with one of the best guys in the company in AJ Styles and involved in the MITB match, if he wins the briefcase then everything will be roses for him otherwise he faces a longer stay as the secondary title holder which is a waste.

In terms of future feuds for Owens more of Styles is a given, then id love to see feuds with Shinsuke Nakamura, Randy Orton and Luke Harper, the later of which would be much welcome for Harper as it would bring him along alot in development as well as providing fresh matches for Owens.

Charlotte

‘The Queen’ moves over in a swap with Alexa Bliss, she really is the main focus of the company when it comes to the Women’s Division so was a little surprise that they went along with moving her to SD Live.

The first thing ill say about her move is that I predict alot of turns from her, due to the lack of good opponents and lack of faces. She came in a heel and is now a kind of face working with Naomi and Becky until she gets a title match where she’ll be back a definite heel. Depth is sooo going to be a killer for most of the good women wrestlers, as there is none, so they’ll be stuck feuding with the same people for too long or will get stuck in mini feuds with women who cant lace their boots.

The New Day

Anything new for this group was more than welcomed, after holding the belts for the longest reign in the company to only hosting Wrestlemania and not even being able to get a match there these guys needed something fresh, they needed SD Live.

Sadly for this review there’s nothing to actually....review, as Kofi needed surgery and had to have time off, Woods and his partner welcomed a new addition to their family and Big E, well Big E married a couple, legit.

But now they are back with this week seeing their debut for SD Live, kinda, by appearing Talking Smack with the beautiful Renee Young and Shane McMahon, something ive wanted since they announced the move/ trade as Big E/ Big Wool live with Renee is always great.

Now they are back we sadly cant look forward to the group gaining revenge on The Revival, who in storyline injured Kofi, as they their-selves are also facing time on the sidelines with injury. When it comes to the blue brand we can look forward to them getting ring time and feuds with The Uso’s, American Alpha, The Fashion Police, hell maybe even the Colon’s if the company decide to build them more first with wins and actual character development.

One of the other things I want with this team after the shake-up is to have one of Kofi or Big E to go more into the singles ranks, with the depth issue after the brand split it could be very vital elsewhere outside of the tag division. Let Big E be the one to do so, while still keeping the group together, and have him be a strong beast around the US Title and if things go well give him a chance higher up around the World Title.

Sami Zayn

The man that before the shake-up was the one everyone was saying needed the move the most, lost and under-valued on Raw this would provide a great re-start for him and allow him to show his skills more and move up the card with great crowd reactions. Geez how wrong were fans to get their hopes up for that, just before the move Sami somehow annoyed someone important backstage and was known for being someone who kept yapping on and talking rubbish backstage which quickly became something he had to do on tv, some kind of punishment if you will for something he did no wrong in.

He’s now seen as someone on this show the same as Raw where whenever he loses he still stays over exactly the same with the fans, so why not have him lose more and put over newer talent. Hence the feud with Boring Baron Corbin and loses to others who needed the odd win, in truth its going to take something big for management to decide to use him in something more worthwhile in making an impact for SD Live and the company overall. I see that being a injury bug affecting 2 or 3 top names possibly and that being the opening he would need for them to strap the rocket to him.

Rusev + Lana

One of my favourite superstars in the company had kind of reached his peak with people on Raw and was stuck losing to Roman Reigns and feuds with Enzo and Cass so again a much needed move, but again he was injured so we dont really have much to go on.

But, saying that we can still asses their plans and lack of follow up on them. Afew weeks back he appeared in a pre tape interview somewhere talking about he deserves a title shot at MITB and would turn up the following week on SD Live to demand it from Shane McMahon. So the new week came and no Rusev, and sign of him since sadly.

My hope is that he returns and gets added to the MITB match and wins the briefcase, then have him destroy Jinder Mahal for the World Title for a huge pop and face turn which would be so fresh and the fans are dying to cheer for him. Have him become an American Patriot after the turn and title win, which will then lead to an awesome feud with Kevin Owens to take back the US Title from the Canadian for Rusev’s adopted America.

The thing I dont get though is the seeming split of Rusev and Lana, she’s been having video packages of her wearing different dresses every week whilst making love to a chair, if they plan on making her a wrestler good luck, otherwise why even bother splitting the pair, its never worked before as they work so well together.

Sin Cara

Seriously.

They realised that Kalisto needed to be on Raw so that he could be included in 205 Live (he still isnt) and to do so they had to come up with someone to bring the other way, and chose Sin Cara, that’s it, no future plans/ideas for the guy, enjoy the few tv appearances you get and jobs you have to do fella.

The Shining Stars

Straight away lets make it clear that they dropped the Shining Stars name and have gone back to just calling them The Colon’s, good move, dropped the time share gimmick, good move, had them debut and attack American Alpha, good move.......Just nothing more since then?

Don’t get me wrong I dont expect them to be the champions instantly as they need ALOT of work to reinvigorate them and make them a solid and believable threat for the fans. Its just that after a solid start to do so they have done near enough nothing with them which is really disappointing as both are very solid wrestlers and can be very useful. I guess the spot of developing a team into a bigger threat has gone to Breezango at the moment, so imagine they will be re-focused on in a month or two’s time possibly?

Jinder Mahal

Now this, this is the reason ive delayed this piece, imagine how stupid I would have looked reviewing his trade straight after the shake-up as a jobber moved over to take loses and that’s it...............and he is now World Champion, yeah that’s right.

The real story at hand here is that the company are moving into the Indian market more this year, with a tour in the last quarter of the year and needed to focus on an Indian talent to help them move into the market easier. They dont have much in the way of options when it came to that requirement so Mr Mahal was, well, ‘it’. A quick unwarranted push as well as a quick title win with his new cronies the Singh Brothers, as well as the rumour that he will be inline for a long title run.

This really brings Smackdown down in being taken seriously, but at the same time we all want new people focused on and given the big opportunity or rocket, its just that this wasn't the guy we wanted was it, but still we should give him the time to see if he improves and runs with the ball. Then, I dont mind shitting on his run after a month or two if its just boring promo’s and poor matches/ feuds.

Good luck to the guy’s that have to work with him and try to carry him to something good, as long as he fails epic-ally he will shoulder the blame for it.

Tamina

Really not sure how she has survived in the company for so long, even with her father being Jimmy Snuka she has in no way warranted keeping her job for so long. She debuted in 2010, yeah that’s right, now how many great matches or great feuds can you name her being in???????

Poor wrestler, has been inured a fair few times, cant talk on the mic, was kept off of tv for a long time while her father was taken court then passed away, now she has been brought back as part of the Welcoming Committee (poor poor name) and you’ll soon notice who gets to stand at ringside most weeks without wrestling again, yeah stealing a living, Tamina

Byron Saxton

Near enough the same as David Otunga, employed in this position because of his skin colour, extreme lack of talent for the announcing position, he fulfills other roles in the company and should be doing those off camera and not wasting a seat at the announce booth. In a company that employs Nigel Guinness and Steve Corino there should be zero space for Saxton/Otunga/Booker/Percy Watson.

Overall SD Live won the shake-up in comparison with Raw by a mile, its just that they have handled alot of the picks badly, in trying to reshuffle their brand after losing names they seem to have slotted people completely wrong. As ive mentioned before I like seeing them giving opportunities to fresh wrestlers to see what they can do and of they can make a big impression over some of the long standing main eventer’s, but we shouldn't just be forcing those new talents who are’nt ready into those positions.

Nakamura being called up as well is a HUGE move for the brand, as well as potentially picking up another 2 or 3 of the top talents there in NXT would help do wonders for them, as long as they get used correctly that is, which sadly is now a big factor.

In talking about NXT and their top prospects I think that’s the next article ill be approaching and looking at the top 5 that should be getting the call up next.

Hope you've enjoyed my reviews or at the very least hated them with valid reasons, hit me up @AndyMulligan on Twitter and let me know

Bye for now

Andy

#smackdown #WWE #sd live #jinder mahal #Kevin Owens #sami zayn #charlotte #rusev #LANA #bryon saxton #the new day #tamina snuka #the colons #raw #WWE Backlash

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