#and that leads to horrible things
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i can't tell if your anti or pro and it really bothers me
Well that's worrying. Why do you care and why are you letting it bother you?
I do not care what someone reads, writes, draws, ships, head cannons or consumes. Just as long as they're not a dick about it or to other fans (or the characters in aoex) I'll welcome them.
For my part, I read what I like, write what I like, draw what I like, and try to encourage creativity. If you enjoy my stories, yay! If you don't, feel free to ignore them and go on to read something else you do. There's not enough free time in the world to waste time with things that bother you.
Hope that helps.
#asks#i've been around fandom too long to EVER be a fan of censoring#and of telling people what they can and can't write#it also tends to trample on other cultures with a specific breed of american moral correctness that attempts to police thoughts and emotion#and that leads to horrible things#my first ever fandom was star trek#and Captain Picard has a beautiful speech in Drumhead about censorship#“The first time any mans freedom is trodden on we are all damaged”#and i've seen that play out a few times in fandom where entire sites will be taken down over censorship and what is and isn't right#and it always starts with a vocal few who are outraged and end up destroying far more than what they thought was wrong#got a bit wordy there#lol
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in a world filled with books written by male authors that make me go "uhhhhh this writer does Not have a good outlook on masculinity and women, this was definitely written by a man", the Chaos Walking trilogy stands as a complete opposite where I spent the entire series being like "WOW I never really thought about masculinity in this way, WOW this is painting a really interesting picture of gender dynamics and generational relationships, this was definitely written by a man"
#whenever discussion on manly male book things like rape and toxic masculinity pops up i am like. cw did it and did it well.#you CAN write a lead who makes up excuses for why he participates in a system that oppresses women!!! you CAN write about a dude falling#into the spiral of toxic masculine approval!!! you CAN give him horrible role models!! i am not opposed to that!!!#but you can't do it if part of you worships those ideals and doesn't really like women all that much. patrick ness on the other hand gets i#chaos walking liveblog#every spring i think of my kids idek why. i am still too traumatized to reread. or am i <3
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SHOWSTARS
Working on the asks again, but have this colored piece of SMG16 and RTV!Puzzles for now. Their duo name is SHOWSTARS (or BLUESCREEN if we take the angst path).
Please note that SMG16 belongs to @birdy-four and that these two are meant to be seen as STRICTLY PLATONICAL!
Anyway enough yapping!
#Nvm I’m gonna yap here#SMG16 is probably the single person in that brainwashed world that looks up to RTV with genuine admiration and amazement#Which may be because he comes from another universe and has no clue what happened in the RTV!AU#He of course notices that something is off sometimes but RTV is keeping him mostly shielded#Because as much as RTV tried to convince himself of the opposite#Brainwashing ppl into admiring him isn't really satisfying him#So he keeps 16 around#Even treats him waaay better than others#Because he’s desperate for that genuine admiration 16 gives him#BLUESCREEN is a Concept where 16 finds out what kind of messed up things RTV did#All that admiration he had for RTV is replaced by doubt#RTV meanwhile gets hit by some very unexpected depression when he realizes how much 16 means to him after he leaves#Which ultimately leads him to cope horribly like he always does and figures he has to get rid of 16 to get rid of those feelings#ANYWAY#I nearly drew RTV too soft in this lmao#He’s still a jerk and bad person#But he may be genuinely happy when 16 is around#Which tbh is probably only a benefit to him and no one else lmao#mr puzzles#smg4#mr. puzzles#smg4 puzzlevision#smg4 mr puzzles#smg4 au#smg4 tv adware#smg4 fanart#reality tv au#rtv au#SHOWSTARS
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you know, i had a totk thought (uh oh)
soemthign thats really bothering me about the whole "actually, ganondorf didnt like the guy appearing out of nowhere marrying a hylian and just saying yep das our kingdom now and we can mine it barren under your nose and also i got laserbeam pebbles that i totally wont ever use on anyone come join me or die just bc of all of that but mainly bc the guy brought some weird tech with him that he dont like" - thing is that ......... we see almost not a single tech thing in the past (and for that matter see nothing of the oh so perfect and peaceful paradise hyrule was before big evil desert man didnt want to join our paradise- like what is the point about making the whole point of the game be -we need to restore hyrule to this paradise it once was- when you dont even see it or get to care about anything of it)
it might sound like a weird hangup but no really, the most we see is like two servant constructs, thats it, when they 'prepare for war' im pretty sure all you see is some lightly dressed ( ... is it just me or does their whole get up look alot like native american/other indingenous people too ... i still dont know how to feel about that- kinda adjacent to some of the sonau armor, the battery one i think??, also having that look...) hylians with spears, where the heck is all that tech?? is it implied to be all down in the mines hollowing out the underground (for no real reason either bc .... theres only two sonau left and no one else seems to want use nor need the tech otherwise there should have been more traces or soemthing left of it -unless it all just magically appeared out of nowhere in mostly prime condition while all shiekah tech jsut vaporized for bs non reasons just for it to be in tha game but oh dont you see its always been there lmao- so whats the point really????)
or up in the sky as most battle constructs are and they cant get them down in time bc *gestures vaguely*
or is it intentionally kept out of view bc idk seeing an army of robots on raurus side he can send out on a whim might not make him look as oh so good and perfect as they want him to look when he already got laserbeam pebbles (most of which hes been hoarding until ONE falls into hands not under his control) ?? like it just ... feels weird?? so many battle constructs that can even be a threat to link are jsut fully functioning strolling around in the present still, why wouldnt you want to use any of them to battle gan and if they DID why wouldnt you show that (no the 3 second unicorn cutscene doesnt count bc its just .. gan and his monsters isnt it) ?? (also ... why isnt there a big like battle ground , like fine you dont have to animate an army of monsters and robots clashing but... wouldnt it be cool to have you discover a giant flat plain in the underground (that magically got put under ground like gan just decided to stroll down there to get sealed lol) and its the only mostly empty field in the game littered with thousands of monster bones and dead constructs intermingled?? just to give it all a bit of weight?? evidence that it happened?? cool ass discovery????)
(also also i cannot let go of ganondorf apparently being sooooo anti tech but then clamgan uses the shiekah stuff??? shouldnt he also be against that then or is that suddendly fine bc- oh woops sorry, forgot clamgan is actually just something, not connected to gan at all actually, i mean why else would miasma turn into malice only to turn into miasma again haha none of that is connected actually what is a calamity anyway? also im sorry to bring this up again but i just cannot let go of the ppl in the present being so obsessed with using sonau tech in every part of their life now- they just lived through an apocalypse of a barely understood strange tech but CLEARLY this other even less understood strang tech is not dangerous at all lets make CARS OUT OF IT and what theres no danger in miasma and that tech existing at the same time LIKE SOMETHING ELSE BEFORE THAT IDK SEEMS LIKE A BAD COMBO--- oh sorry forgot that ceased to exist in both the world and peoples minds for *gestures vaguely* plot reasons- why why why are monsters mining the sonanium?? they dont even work with the yiga no that is also completely disconnected we dont wanna draw and interesting connections after all- whats the point if it means nothing but to be a loot box for the player-- actually, so much of totk is just a so built around throwing you into a box of toys with no substance to it- listen i know games are kinda like toys but if it doesnt make sense and offers you nothing interesting to think about even slightly whAT IS THE POINT)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#totk#like not to make myself sound like a better writer ............ BUT#in my rewrite rauru does that also to suck the life out of the desert more and more to force the gerudo to be depended on their trade#to both pressure them and force them better into submission#bc of the whole plot point (in my rewrite) that rauru came from the underground with his dying people bc they discovered warnings of old#about the king of a deserts nation becoming a horrible world destryoing monster and so plotting with sonia to get gan secretly sealed#and by doing that rauru seals his own fate (rauru dies and its his stone that gets taken) like the fairytale prophecy thing making people-#-do exactly what leads to it while trying to avoid it#bc gan finds out and plots against it#-ANYWAY#when i see other people talk i need to talk again even if i make little sense
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Waving the Trish and V scene in DMC 5 in your face desperately trying to convince you that Vergil would not in fact despise Trish
#I know Vergil's done some horrible things#but I think even he has it in him to be appreciative of someone for saving his life#(“Thank you Nero”)#Especially considering being protected and loved is what he's wanted#Trish saving him even leading to that realization#Devil May Cry#DMC#DMC 5#Trish DMC#V DMC#Vergil DMC
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Volo's friendship story in the Trainer's Lodge is so interesting to me because it seemingly contradicts his usual way of thinking. He asks to take a commemorative photo with you in the event that the world disappears, obviously referring to what he wants to eventually accomplish in the future.
And I can only wonder why he does this. His exact words afterwards are, "Please remember me as you've seen me during our time together." He plans on erasing the world to build a better one, as per is goal in P:LA but the idea that he would want you to remember him as you knew him, someone who was simply friendly and nice to you, goes against how he views relationships with people. There's no transactional value to taking this photo with you nor is there for him wanting you to remember him fondly.
Volo is overly nice to people to get what he wants out of them, that's kind of his thing. You see it with the protag in P:LA, you see it with Jacq and Trevor, and later with Lear in the Mysterious Stones chapter. He likes to get in people's good books so that he might get something out of it later. But what does he want out of you in this interaction? What is he hoping to gain by telling you to remember him the way he is now? He plans on destroying the world and so... he asks to take a photo with you? I can only imagine that he wants it for himself since if the world disappears, you won't even be there to remember him in the first place. He plans on destroying the world and you won't even be there and yet, he still asks you to remember him.
I don't think Volo necessarily lied when he said, "It's just a matter of using them before they use you." Those were thoughts inside his head, he has no one to lie to there; that's what he truly believes. However, I do think there's a disconnect between the kind of person Volo is and the kind of person Volo believes himself to be.
I think maybe he does love his Pokemon, maybe he even wants to be your friend. I don't think he knows that though. His genuine view of himself is that he feels no love or care for others and relationships are just a means to an end and that is mostly how he comes across when showing his true colors. But he has moments that don't quite line up with that. He wants you to remember him fondly. He considers Pokemon tools and yet, there's that photo of him and Togepi. It's these two moments that make me question things. He looks after Togepi and in return, Togepi sticks by his side; that's their trade-off, what they both get out of their relationship. But the photo is what throws me off. If there wasn't even a little bit of love for Togepi, why does that photo exist? Why did he take it? Volo in this same conversation says, "Photos are wonderful things! They allow you to capture and isolate the best moments!" Why take a photo with something you don't love? Why consider that one of your "best moments?"
Volo honestly believes that he doesn't love his Pokemon and that he's no one's friend. That isn't a mask he's putting on, that's who he thinks he is and I can only assume that the reason for this is due to whatever event happened in his past that set him down this road to begin with. But he has these small moments that contradict that view of himself. Volo does have a capacity to care for his Pokemon, to have friends. I just don't think he realizes that. He's incapable of recognizing if he loves or even likes someone in a genuine way; so caught up in viewing every relationship like it's a barter or a trade that he has no idea that he can care and that maybe, at some points, does.
#hi these tags are long as fuck so just warning you#pokemon#pokemon volo#this friendship storyline gave me so many thoughts#these are not the words of someone who doesn't like you at least a little bit#what do you mean he wants us to remember him like that?#why? we won't even be there for it#and i'm reading a little too much into this so that's why this is in the tags#but it almost feels like an apology of sorts?#he knows he's going to reveal himself to be not as kind and helpful as he leads everyone to believe#and that will obviously be upsetting#but why is he telling us that that's going to happen? why give us a hint towards his true nature?#also the least important thing about this i just thought it was fun#it reminded me of the end of the pacifist route in undertale#when asriel asks frisk to remember him as the friend he was to them in that moment#and not the horrible monster he was and would eventually become again#so yeah not very important to anything i just wanted to get that thought out
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Seen a few people too many discuss the concept of Dragodile Baby 2 and my hot take is that there's no way in hell Crocodile would ever detransition just to go through nine months of horrible dysphoria again, let alone go through pregnancy ever again (or allow Ivankov to even touch him, what if they died and weren't able to trans Croc's gender again afterwards? Hell naw, ain't worth the risk)
But this leaves an opportunity for a Funnier Option:
Dragon wants another baby? Sure, but it's his turn to carry it >:)
#Moon posting#OP Meta#Dragodile#CW Pregnancy#Iva-chan's HRT is *MAGIC* HRT. You get a fully functional cis ass body. Dragon can be forcefemme'd and impregnated WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY#I just. Imagining the convo that would lead to this has me in hysterics okay#Like Crocodile completely casually telling Dragon off like ''I'm not going through pregancy again. Your turn''#Like he's not even SERIOUSLY suggesting Dragon do it (just refusing going through it again himself)#But then Dragon actually considders it#Innitially horrified by the thought but then figuring like. Crocodile went through it and survived. It can't be that bad can it#Dragon would have to learn the hard way just how Bad it would in fact be lmaooo#Also hey Dragon getting to experience Gender Dysphoria in Turbo Mode would give him like a better understanding of The Shit Croc went throu#He'd be able to understand Croc's feelings and appreciate what he put up with for their baby#Which would be great if they were actually getting back together after The Divorce etc etc#Also Croc would get to be a doting husband for his temporary-wife like he was meant to be and that's just great#Dragon flipflopping between horrible dysphoria and being head over heels for his mob boss husband being so gentle with him? Adorable#((Just for clarity this is not a critique of other people's idea of Dragodile Baby 2. I just wanted to share The Funnier Option))#((You know me I love two things; gut wrenching tragedies and comedy. That's it. The two genderdsdjfghsjkdfgh))
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clean 🦆🛀🫧
(part 2)
#digital art#artists on tumblr#illustrators on tumblr#original illustration#original art#sasha's art#i am very proud of this one#i have been having so many issues drawing since i moved#adjusting has been difficult and my self worth Plummeted horribly#so i have been having difficulties with staying creative and finding Value in my hobbies and such#so a while ago i decided to just go back to the basics and focus on highly technical drawings#that's how this one started too- it was a practice art based on a photo of our sink i took#and then i fell in love with it and worked on it until i perfected every aspect of it and i played around with colours until i achieved a-#-Mood i was finally satisfied with#sometimes being technical and going back to the basics can lead to something Bigger i guess!!#i love this series so much#i love falling in love with my art all over again#there is one (1) thing i have ever been good at and i am glad at least it shows
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Starting to think, going by the MXTX fandoms, that a lot of people are comfortable with being a bit terrible and not thriving for an ideal whatsoever, because they really really reeaaally want to believe Xue Yang and Jiang Cheng are poor cuties who weren't lucky and the heroes are a bunch of holier-than-thou arrogant bitches who need to be taken down a peg when the text says the opposite, because then it justifies their own faults and hatred of genuinely awesome people who seem to have it better in life and isn't that sooo unfair and isn't it fair that they should suffer to learn what it's like to suffer like them, poor tortured, petty, flawed humans who see themselves in the villains rather than the heroes.
#Bloom talks#I'm out of patience with people who have decided not to be better and won't take any responsibility for it#oh but I suffer so~#newsflash asshole most people struggle horribly at some point or another and yet some of us decide to be good#and also some of us are indeed gifted and impressive and it is something to be celebrated and yes admired on occasion#I love a good gifted person#who shines bright and leads an amazing life#the Wei Wuxians of the world are a treasure#you want to love Jiang Cheng because you feel you are like him and want to be loved?#I don't know man have you TRIED not being an asshole? people have an easier time loving you if you try you know?#you don't have to adopt it as your whole identity and make it everyone else's problem#so fucking tired of seeing people not even try#IT'S FINE TO BE CLEAR to relate to Jiang Cheng and be an asshole inside#we all are a little bit of an asshole inside!!#just stoop pretending he's actually good and Wei WuXian is bad!#yes I'm talking about a general thing with this very specific thing yes#mxtx#mdzs
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why do you hate Joshua Graham or Honest Hearts so much?
This DLC and character represents a bigger issue with fandom spaces I have but particularly fallout fandom in general.
Fallout tends to tackle a lot of topics controversial and not. The first two games it’s heavy cause they are the most satirical and direct with how anti-war, nationalism and etc… they are. 3 loses this as it’s very clear once you play or learn about all the games that Todd and a bunch of guys at Bethesda just liked the 50s post apocalyptic aesthetic and refuse to actually critique the ideals of the time period like the earlier titles.
New Vegas is the game that really gets back into it a degree it almost seems like it’s taking too much on. There are things done exceedingly well while other things are done horribly wrong . I’ve made posts about it before and plan to make a big series of posts (it’s a lot of writing) but my biggest gripe is with Honest Hearts and all the gross and white savior esque depictions it has of indigenous peoples. The entirety if FNV does not do the injustices faced by indigenous people correctly on any count. My two biggest complaints are with the Khans and the tribes in Zion but I’ll talk about the former on a different post.
Both characters of Daniel and Joshua are the most accurate depiction of white saviors I’ve seen and I hate how the DLC tries to justify and defend them. The DLC treats Joshua like this man who has repented for his past actions when he is just retracing his steps after his cruelty bit him in the ass. He was one of the worst parts of the Legion and it is all but explicitly stated that if you don’t force him to be non-violent he will turn the tribes of Zion into the legion 2.0. The Dead Horses and the Sorrows are horribly infantilized by both Daniel and Joshua who both use them for self serving purposes guised by religious duty. The White Legs are the horrible stereotype of violent and savage indigenous and I personally think a lot of their interlinking with Ulysses, his hair and Ulysses character in general are distasteful and very telling of how BIPOC or POC where involved.
But outside of the game it’s the weird obsession people have with these characters ideologies and trying to make them seem more interesting/philosophical than they are. Tumblr is an echo chamber and many fans of Fallout are not the people on this site. Many people are not educated in the issues these characters convey and how poorly they do or used these characters as a poor introduction for their takes. Contrary to what a lot of people believe in, fallout has a prediomeny white cis male fanbase. More importantly a large portion of the fanbase is white.
You can joke how FNV made you trans or see the numbers on post/fics or diverse headcanons but these are kiddy numbers compared to the millions that consume the franchise and aren’t in those more aware spaces or don’t engage in the spaces the same way someone like me does/has to. Their views shape a lot more than people realize and it’s exhausting to be in a space where people don’t correct the more subtle yet toxic aspects of it but also adopt them into some weird quirky view point on the characters or issues. Some people don’t realize and some people don’t care.
My main issue is just the idolizing of these sort of thing in this fandom space and people try to acts like a game like fallout whose tagline is “War never changes” and has never had a game not revolve around political or militaristic factions issues isn’t that deep or doesn’t relate to real issues. I think it’s mainly caused by how over powered you can become and how you can strong arm your way past these learning moments as majority of people who play this game do play it as a power fantasy where they can do so as they please (which of course, go ahead it’s fun) but never take in parallels or lessons in the story as if it was just another first person shooter.
Also like another personal gripe is Cazadores spawn like hell whenever I’m there and I have not found a mod that works to mod them out so I have to play Indigenous Racism the DLC while getting jumped by giant wasps WHILE helping Mormons. Like I cannot catch a break.
#I’m mostly silly or character headcanon focused on this blog#but sometimes I forget some people literally have never interacted with someone slightly outside of their ideologies or don’t learn about#philosophies that don’t pertain to their view point and actively block them out#and so I have like a meltdown and occasionally post about it cause like I see more people hate Danse for regurgitating BoS teachings than#hate Joshua Graham who helped found the legion participated in their practices and still has this weird bloodlust#like make it make sense why do you like this white man genuinly like outside of his aesthetic#I can say silly shit about them hit it’s always I think it’s surreal they even exist while others genuinely wish they did so they could fix#them and some of all don’t realize how quickly jokes lead people down rabbit holes and pipe lines cause ur not gonna see posts even pitying#that man in here#like when I defend Danse it is through the signs and events in game that show he is not stuck in his ways and possibly only adopted those#beliefs because of his tramatic events with super mutants and the bos being very anti anything not human#their are affinity reaction that concern this while Joshua like moans yes when killing the white legs and is always polishing his gun goon#pile like I’ve learned too much about him the Mormon faith and that dlc to be told I’m playing favorites he is not fixable or repentent#this fandom has one of the worst issues of he’s my fave so he can’t do wrong when some of this characters are literal unapologetic rapist#racists or individuals who condone or perpetuate like ideas and concepts like obviously I’m gonna not like them????!#like I still think it’s interest to dissect them and I try so hard to not be a hypocrite but sometimes it’s like the whole this is just a#fun thing for you but like be aware of what you are taking in and reflect like is so important fiction can slowly seep into your morals#I’m rambling and losing track of shit so imma stop here before I reach the tag limit but again dm and ask cause this is the stuff I will#blab about#horrible at normal conversation tho#fallout#fallout new vegas#joshua graham#honest hearts#ask#anon#fallout 3
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#some thoughts incoming idk if i should share but i need to put them somewhere#it's hard being in the yr fandom since the finale when you don't share the same vision and opinion as the rest#and people make future wilmon posts or write post s3 fics (which many exist now) they just don't align with your idea at all#and they're not exciting to me at all and the whole concept just makes me upset#i don't wanna imagine Wille as a 'normal' person (not that that's ever possible anyway which the show loves to ignore)#like I'm sorry but i didn't come to the show to watch an ordinary love story and have them lead an ordinary life#the idea of Wille being a future king and them navigating that royal life together is so much more interesting#i hate that that isn't canon anymore and when ppl make posts about them it's not about that or that would only be seen as a negative thing#i don't wanna imagine a life where they are 'normal' that isn't appealing to me at all and it sucks seeing everyone embrace it#and it's like you're not allowed to want something else or think differently bc that makes you the bad person and you're just wrong#i can't be excited about their future (also bc i don't really see them going strong in the future with how they messed them up in s3)#(i also didn't want to know what could possibly happen in the future i wanted that to stay open and just be in the present)#and seeing everyone else excited and happy about it makes you feel horrible and very alone and disconnected in the fandom#i don't wanna take it away from them but i also would love to see other takes but that's basically impossible now#am i the only person who feels this way or are there any other who can relate? pls let me know#i already feel like ppl are gonna attack me for this but it's been hard especially now with Simon's month and seeing so many interpretation#navigating ao3 has also become difficult now#it's hard finding fics to read where wille stays crown prince and you don't have to be scared for that to change#i just can't read any canon compliant fics anymore and i hate it bc i hate to disagree with canon#i normally don't do that bc canon is important to me and i don't want to reject it and create my own fantasy#and that's what's upsetting#anyway sorry i had to write this#personal
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It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.
#I fucking hate having bpd#while I’m at it I don’t understand the fuckin audacity some people have to say they love you and do horrible things to you#I feel so stupid#I feel so stupid for believing all the lies#but I was so in love and put him on such a pedestal that I just allowed it all.#thinking about someone constantly and grieving over them and knowing they’re perfectly fine and to them you don’t exist#I’m still in such a state of grief and I don’t understand why time hasn’t healed#it honestly feels like it’s gotten worse w time#I just torture myself but I can’t help it my brain wants me dead#it’s so painful I feel so fucking stupid#being abandoned with no closure by someone who’s your entire world#for someone they were unfaithful to you with multiple times (I don’t even know how many and dony want to know) immediately#like that was the plan all along#he took our cat hundreds of miles away and I don’t even know if he still has her or if she’s still alive and I miss her every day#I never loved someone like that and it feels like the heartbreak is actually physically killing me#i spent 1/5 of my entire life with him#I was my prettiest and had the best body at the time and I wasted it on someone who didn’t appreciate me#not wasted. it wasn’t wasted. we had some incredible times together#I’ll never be that beautiful again#and now idk what do so bc i can’t decide which is worse: being alone and isolating or loving deeply and ending up horribly hurt all over#it’s all just so upsetting.#and I feel so stupid for allowing it all#he knows more about me than anyone and he made me feel like he loved me so much sometimes and then did horrid things and it’s so fucked up#nobody read this I’m so embarrassed and horribly broken#it traumatized me so much there was so much abuse and pain idk if I’ll ever recover#I deserved it but it still hurts my heart#I was so mentally ill and sick I know it had to have been miserable to be around me#there are so many things only he understands and knows about me and I need to talk about them I j wanna b able to b there 4 each other#but that girl is so beyond insecure and controlling so. if I want to talk to who fuckin gets me I’m just fucked#why lead someone on like that for years knowing you’re going to abandon them the second it’s convenient
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one thing i noticed in that one scene with ed and fang, ed says
"i shot a man's leg off." he doesn't say izzy's name.
either he hasn't registered what he's done, or he hasn't registered what he's done to izzy.
he's locking away those feelings, both izzy and ed are. and fuck i need them to talk, i need izzy to not make up a false fairy tale, and i need ed to own the fuck up to what he put izzy and his crew through.
#ofmd#our flag means death#izzy hands#edward teach#i have so many mixed feelings#like i know izzy's actions lead to this#but ed still did all those things#he hurt everyone enough to get them to kill him#cause he didn't want to kill himself#then suddenly over night#ed isn't on drugs#or drunk#he's back to that man he was months ago like nothing ever happened#that must be horrible#ofmd s2#our flag means death s2
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Having emotions about Naminé again
#kh#naminé#okay but. thinking about it#from the day you’re born you know you were never meant to exist#and you know the only reason people want you around is to use you#and they tell you that and tell you how horrible you are#and you find that the only way to get people to love you is to force them to love you#either by rewriting their lives and destroying their identity#or by creating a new person with almost no agency altogether#and with two people fighting over how much they love you you still are not truly loved#and one of them dies for you and the other asks to forget you#and how could you do anything but comply? you made him love you you destroyed him it isn’t real#and then you are alone again#and others like you come to you for answers and the only thing you can do is lead them to their deaths#in repayment to the boy you destroyed who was kind to you anyway#and you too die for the person the boy truly loved#and yes you come back#but how do you know anything will be different this time?#aaaaaahhhh#okay but now that i think about it with what happened to roxas and xion…#naminé… grim reaper… do you get what i’m saying#abby don’t look
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I had been worried that cutting my dad off and distancing myself from him would put me in a difficult position with his side of the family but I've actually reconnected with a couple family members over how shitty he's been and it turns out I'm not the first one to stop talking to him, he's been blocked by like two of my aunts And my cousin
#my cousin texted me out of nowhere yesterday and we've been chatting which has been really nice#and I asked her like btw did my dad send you to talk to me and shes like oh God no I haven't talked to him since he got drunk and rampaged#and I was like oh which time and she's like the one a couple months ago and I was like ayy me too lmao#so! turns out the only person who is straining and breaking familial relationships is him 🤔#not that he'll ever see the pattern that his sister and aunt and two of his nieces AND his ex wife/baby mama AND his own kid#have told him to get his shit together and stop being an asshole to everyone#but yknow#if he stopped drinking it'd solve 25% of his problems and therapy would solve another 50%#but he refuses to stop drinking or listen to anyone but other brainwashed trumpheads so! fuck 'im#dad mention#alcohol mentioned#anyway. feeling better about my choice to stop talking to him#he went off on my mom today and called her a lot of horrible things and accused her of leading him on#when she has actively been telling him since they got divorced TEN YEARS AGO that nothing is ever happening w them again#but since he doesn't listen to her he didn't hear it and just dug his pity party hole deeper#anyway. back to my night having a nice time and having a good relationship with basically everyone else in my family#unlike some people 🍵 🐸
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dude shut your mouth
#trash talks#don't ask why Pacesetter's head is on High Roller's body#Giving me access to blender and these models is just gonna lead to me making horribly cursed things
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