#and that it wouldnt just spiral into depression lol

[chikkou]

ok i was waiting until my laptop got here to finally tell all the bullshit thats happened in the last like. 5 months lol. cause its a lot to type

im gonna put it all under the cut so no one has to read if they dont want. its a LONG fucking story.

tl;dr:

ok so for basic background, for the last two years or so, i was living with a roommate in connecticut. the roommate was my (now former) best friend since middle school. in july of this year his behavior totally shifted, and he started picking fights with me out of nowhere, told our high school friends a bunch of straight up lies abt me to make me look like a horrible roommate & person, and just generally became a two-faced dickhead. in the end, it turned out to all be excuses to justify his decision to move out (unofficially, name was still on the lease) so that he could live with his boyfriends and not pay any bills. at the time i was really devastated by this bc i felt totally betrayed by this person i had been close to since i was 12/13, but frankly after everything else that happened i barely fucking think about it now LMAO. this is set dressing more than anything else

so anyway, i had been living alone since about august, that was the last time i saw him in person. i wasnt handling the situation well because i had spoken to my high school friend and found out the extent to which hed tried to paint me as a slovenly, horrible roommate, to the point of telling actual lies about really dumb stuff (which didnt work btw - my friends, god bless them, were more concerned about my mental health than anything and thought i was going down a depression spiral, which my former friend told them he was helping me through. they believed me right away once we finally did talk). all that is to say, i was going kind of crazy lol, and i decided to go back home in october just for a short while, to recharge my batteries and all.

i was gone for a couple of weeks, not very long. i felt MUCH better after being with my family & friends in person, as i felt pretty isolated from everyone (my hometown is in new york, i was only 2 hours away by train but scheduling times to visit was sort of a hassle, so i only did it once every couple months). my grandfather and mom dropped me off at my apartment in early november, we were very lighthearted and discussing my next steps, since my shithead friend had been behind on rent more than 5 times (i always paid my half on time) and i was facing eviction because of it. we get to my apartment, i go to open the door, and it wont open. not that its locked, it just straight up WONT open. my grandpa tried to ram the door with his shoulder, and nothing. hes a strong ass dude, and this door wouldnt budge for anything.

my mom managed to get the kitchen window open and climb in that way, and it took both her and my grandpa pulling/pushing at the same time to force the door open. i wont even dress this up: there was mold. fucking. everywhere. on the floor, on the walls, all over everything i owned. i have pictures (had to take them for insurance) and im not even going to show them because they are beyond fucking disgusting. everything i owned was soaked in water and mold, and i do literally mean EVERYTHING. it was very warm in there too, like the temperature of a swamp. i was in a haze after that. i just remember sobbing, like genuinely heartbroken sobbing, as i wandered around looking at everything that was ruined. my mom & grandpa had to go and get maintenance because i was just utterly useless, and they were equally horrified & said they'd never seen anything like it.

i managed to save some items that were irreplaceable (journals, notebooks, etc) and whatever clothes werent utterly soaked in mold. all of my cookware, my books, my laptop & desktop (i cried the hardest when i saw the desktop) - it was all ruined. we found out later that the water boiler in my apartment had a catastrophic failure while i was gone, which caused it to constantly send water back through the pipes, empty, and refill itself. my bedroom was directly above the boiler downstairs, so it got the most significant amount of damage. all told, i lost like 95% of the things i owned. it is possible that i could have saved more, but the amount of mold in that apartment made it a genuine safety hazard for me to even be in there, so i had very limited time to grab what i could. the cruelest irony of all that? my shithead ex-friend's room, which was on the other side of the hallway, was pretty much untouched. he lost absolutely nothing lol.

so immediately, i had to leave the state. i moved back to ny with my family. my mother - who had a stroke last year following a diagnosis of an exceedingly rare neurological disorder, AND had two separate brain surgeries to improve her quality of life - was in the process of getting evicted. the landlord didnt give a fuck about any of my moms situation, not her being disabled, not her being widowed, not her having 3 kids under the age of 18 to care for - he just wanted her out so he could increase the cost of rent on our house. at the same time as all this was going on, i got saddled with a $600 electric bill (likely caused by the water heater's malfunction), which neither insurance nor the apartment would pay, so it came out of my pocket. in addition, i found out in december that i was also getting laid off.

we had nowhere to go and couldnt afford to live anywhere in the tri-state area. we had no choice but to move somewhere much cheaper, and since my mom already had a friend living in a mid-atlantic state, we chose to move there. the eviction went through in january and we had less than 2 weeks to pack all our shit, find a place to live, and get the fuck out. needless to say, we were not successful lol.

we stayed in my grandparents 1 bedroom apartment for about a week, then all of us drove down together to stay with my moms friend in her 3 bedroom apartment (she has 5 kids, 3 of whom live in the apartment). my moms apartment, which was supposed to have been ready by january 31st, still had people actively living there. the property manager kept promising us it would be next week for the entire month of february, to the point that my mom got fed up and chose to rent a small house instead. the reality of being essentially homeless for that time was beyond horrifying, and having anywhere between 8-10 people in that house (my cousin also moved with us, but he stayed in a hotel for the first week) was more taxing than i can express.

but things have gotten a lot better since then. i also found a cute little house to rent just up the road from my moms, and its very cheap for its size. i still havent found a job yet, but thanks to what was essentially the liquidation of everything i owned, ill be ok for a couple months more. im slowly but surely repurchasing all the things i lost and trying to acclimate to the new environment. things are still not totally stable right now, but they are slowing down, and at this point thats all i can really ask for lol.

so yeah. if u were wondering why i suddenly stopped posting after literal years of posting every day, thats why LMAO

[shitposting-account]

a long post about how xander would behave as fan because idk im obsessed with xander

i dont know how to start this since this was just my messy train of thoughts so yeah. none of this would be coherent at all because its not an essay

i think the reason of why xander would be a healthy fan is because of the person he is, while he had shown up with some tendencies of putting david in a pedestal, hes still trying to learn about his and everyones boundaries, its just that hes human that he cant control himself, after all, he describes himself as someone "who feels very strongly abour everything" yet he still tries.

to start of why xander behaves like a massive fanboy of david, i think its obvious because it begins with how david was there for his worst moments, when his family died, of course he would set such a big pedestal for a man who basically saved his life from going into a spiral of depression, anyone in his place would behave the same when meeting his "hero". and about how he defended david when teruko tried to said something "bad" about him, remember that everyone had in mind the good and nice image of david

in contrast to david, who only knew xander for 3 days, who saw his crimes, he is in a big denial about it. while we dont know how xander would react to what david has become, in my theory or headcanon, i think he would be pretty disappointed and heartbroken, because he stands for whats right, what david did, lying about murdering arei AND then trying to commit mass suicide, its a low point even for xander. BUT this js just a headcanon for now

i also think how xander is a polite person because how hes always referring the girls with a "miss", even arei who he doesnt quite like her, while the male cast he refers them with "mister". often whatnot he calls teruko by her name only and its only when he was trying to get her trust or truly meaning something (to those curious, he only referred once david by his name and it was when telling him that he wont let him down because he has always liked by who he is lol)

(i have all xanders quotes written down btw)

continuing about his politeness, when he tried to fight with min, he didnt truly disliked her who she is but rather her talent (since its a big trauma for him when it comes to studying so much), he apologized to her saying that it was because of how he tends to work things up, of course it was when they called him out for trying to slander min.

what does these have anything to do with xander being a good fan? i just that with what kind of person he is, he tends to learn and apologize, and even tries to get everyone involved in something, i think he would try to make a nice and healthy circle in his david chiem fanbase, i also think he wouldnt be chronically online enough to stay in debates and discussions there anyway, he literally get politicians in jail like he shouldnt have time be on twitter he needs to plan shit to get literal government officials in jail

ok thats all byeeee

[theendofuno]

alr guys i lied theres no au im talking about canon stuff now :3 very self indulgent tho

cw for self harm and prolly suicidal intentions

alr so

its pretty much implied canonically that uno does self harm. i didn't really paid attention to this at the start but since i started playing a year or so ago this really got my attention and i was intrigued as fuck

heres what i mean:

you can say its only one of his skills, and indeed, it is lmao

but for me thats a little beyond..uno can hurt himself to drink his own blood if hes out of people or creatures, and the implications on this are rather worrying

uno hurts himself to feed himself, but damn. hes a literal newborn and has passed to a bunch of traumatic things, he loved someone and lost her on the same day, he probably doesnt even know how to talk and doesnt know how to live by himself. this whole thing going on would absolute break someone's mind, especially since we are talking about someone who is an baby trapped into an adults body.

he doesnt know a single thing about life, he only knows about death, and he only knows HE caused all these deaths. he's an absolute monster, and he probably pretty much see himself as a nasty monstrous thing.

so, the odds that he would feel like he deserves to suffer, that he deserves to be hated and be abandoned, forgotten by the world, while still begging not to disappear are enormous, which would make him go on a depressive spiral

its not about staying alive anymore, its about feeling pain, its about making "him" feel what "he" deserves, its not he doing that to himself as a person, its about he doing that as the "hideous monster" who lives inside of him.

he probably got the catch of being a corrupted highlander, which mostly probably would give him a bigger resistence, even if hes not immortal, he wouldnt die so easily, especially if well fed, so, since he does hurt himself to eat (aka drink but this sounds weird for me while formatting so..lol), he would ABSOLUTELY hurt himself to suffer

i wonder how atrocious his body would look like if he stopped eating, he wouldnt have the strenght to renegerate anymore, so he would be a walking body, all visible bones, cuts all over his body, if not missing limbs

and to be honest? he would probably starve himself to death, he does not want to hurt people (or animals or monsters), he does not want to lose more people, he just wants to not disappear and live a normal life he was denied since the second he was born, he was forced into being this ugly monster he hates so much. and this monster is what will keep him alive, is what will force himself out of the control of his own body, is what will possess him into murdering more and more, at the point its only for fun, he doesnt need to be fed anymore

anyway..i want to do a separated post about the whole monster topic since i have a drawing in mind for it and a whole text in mind already

having paternal feelings towards a character is harsh cuz i project onto him a lot and i feel like im seeing the small me instead of a 2d thing..i love my son dude, i wish him the best forever and ever, he will be happy one day.. (did i cried writing this? oh yeah a lot)

[misfithive]

I know it’s a drama series but I will die on the hill that Lisa is making them suffer too much.

Angst is good, but there needs to be balance and they deserve to be happy and be goofy teenagers in love, being also cringe at times. They can’t always be going through crisis after crisis after crisis. It’s exhausting, and the thought that we might get a repeat of s2 is making me really anxious about the season bc I watched it one time as it was too much for me to handle. It’s the last time we are seeing them, I don’t want it to be mostly only sufferance and depression.

I know wilmon will be endgame but I would be kinda disappointed if that happened as a last minute moment like in s2.

You all know i have been arguing with Anons all year saying Lisa wouldnt do this but the trailer really really depressed me and i’ve been in a doom spiral ever since. So now i really dont know.. maybe ur right and i have been naive lol Seeing them crying is really horrible for me and the brick thru the window is quite triggering. I dont understand why they have to suffer so much its really unfair i just love them and i want them to be happy and i really need to see them smiling.

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

[context: i went on a rant on this post about gray morality while high but reblogs are turned off BUT i want my rant to be rebloggable so uh. here it is verbatim copypasted]

i feel like this about izaya but i cant put it into words, i guess like because. i see him as a guy with aspd who doesnt know how to manage a disorder he doesnt know he has, or he’s learned somewhat but the alternative was less miserable?

because, see the thing about aspd is. when you’re first learning how to manage it, it’s miserable! aspd is kind of like, an addiction to dopamine. in aspd your brain produces like. 4x the amount it should. and a lot of times, aspd and adhd are both there, and with adhd the dopamine is very very low. see? these two work in tandem! you don’t WANT to recover, because being ill feels better. you’re happier, you’re entertained, you get rushes of dopamine all the time… but you’re horrible, probably. like izaya says, in order to be entertained you have to keep evolving. you have to do worse and worse things to satisfy yourself. that’s when it changes from acceptable to A Problem. because one day you’re a writer satisfied by making their friends squirm and cry from angst, and the next you’re actively triggering people for a reaction. and its hard to stop because the dopamine, there’s just so much of it.

what i’m saying is, it’s a mental disorder that feels very good to have. like the mania of bipolar- like when you’re manic, you suddenly feel invincible and so so so so good, until you crash? like that feeling. it doesn’t WANT you to recover, and you also don’t want to recover, it feels so good to have. but it also doesnt because youre lonely on account of the aforementioned Sucking. studies show that theres a correlation between “people with aspd who recovered” and “people with aspd who are married,” but did the marriage fix them or is them attracting a partner indicative of their aspd being “less severe?” and therefore more likely to recover? ah if only we had a person with aspd here we could ask them-

PSYCHE MOTHAFUCKAAAA THATS ME!!!! it’s probably the first one. lol. i started improving symptomatically once someone came into my life and actually STAYED there. he didn’t “fix me” but he did help! and i wouldnt say i’m “recovered” wrt the aspd- it still is a disorder that feels very good to have.

but what i’m saying is- izaya. if he has all this. this, “inescapable negative outcome” is. yeah. he either “recovers” and regresses back into a depressed ball of boredom, surpressing every single impulse or emotion because “what if it’s the one that makes me lose control?” and being terrified of becoming a monster like everyone says People Like Him should be…. OR he leans more into the behaviors and urges he knows suck, spiraling into a domapine-addiction that slowly makes him into a worse and worse person and remaining lonely? like. he’s already lonely!!! neither outcome actually promises real happiness, so at some point you;d be tempted to lose control, just to get SOMETHING. and i think that’s what happened to izaya. and this isnt to be like “oooooo baby nothing is his fault,” we can talk about how all this IS his fault like, mental illness and addiction do not excempt someone from consequece and douchebaggery. but it IS something to think about- like, those suicidal girls fell down a spiral of mental illness, and so did izaya. like, he sucks, but also, you can kinda see how him being neglected all his life means there was no other way this couldve gone, especially with knowing shinra. like, he sucks now, but he never really had an oppurtunity to be anything other that that. there was nothing else that would’ve happened, because of every other inevitable thing.

and how do i know that someone w aspd would eventually choose the willing mental spiral? i am ACTIVELY developing a drug problem right now, i know my chance of becoming addicted is VERY high and possibly am showing early signs like cravings and stuff. i know. but i’m still taking the drug because it’s doing exactly what drugs do to people- make them trmporarily happy and get rid of the boredom and sadness of repression. i know what’s going to happen to me but i was eventually tempted into it. you would be too if you had my life.

(disclaimer i am not 100% sure if the neuroscience is accurate here, brain scans wrt psychology are not an exact science and the study could have been wrong or biased, i don't remember and i'm sure i didn't remember when i was zonked off my ass- but there is a sort of link between aspd and adhd so it makes sense that they'd both mess with dopamine production. but yk, take it with a grain of salt)

[evandorepart2]

longgggg fucking vent post under the cut. idk if it even counts as vent i am simply relaying information about the situation and i am unsure how i should feel right now

oh my fucking GOD my brother is such an asshole like. ok so whats happened over the past couple days is that

i hit a depressive period. it is Obvious -> since im depressed i dont have energy to eat or cook much and ive been struggling with making sure to eat Before this -> we have recently got groceries and there are muffins. before this i was literally eating a slice of bread so i would at the very least not pass out or vomit so obviously when we have that im going to switch to Depending on that -> this is something i do a lot, unconciously, to eat. i have a single 'meal' and stick with it until its run out. whether or not it has lots of steps.

what happened after this is

my brother gets pissed cause i ate all the muffins and he calls me a bitch and some other stuff idr cause i deleted the messages -> i am hanging by a thread and being confronted abt an insecurity on multiple levels makes me very upset -> i attempt to deflect these feelings by joking about it so that i can convince myself that im not upset -> he responds negatively and calls me annoying + brings up the fact that hes the only one whos been cleaning downstiars and subtly implying that im lazy and never do any work. a fact he Has said to my face despite this being proven Not True many times. and none of the Mess hes been cleaning up is mine since i have not been using the kitchen / using dishes / had items isolated to a single small table -> i get more upset and decide to be honest and write a short, frank note [bc this is all over text bc he never talks to me face to face] saying that i am depressed. its difficult to eat and i wasnt even Thinking of him [as he is someone who regularly gets on everyone else for eating junk sweet food so i dont think he wnats that stuff] and i apologize for being a dick and thank him for cleaning up.

after this he does not respond which means that there is nothing else he wants to say on the matter. that was a few days ago and i do not talk / go near him. ive phsyically seen him Three times since this exchange. and they lasted a few seconds since i quickly Left The Area.

today was the first time hes messaged me since then to tell me to do the dishes. i Was going to - was debating not to but then it got into my head as a Task I Need To Finish before i could continue what i was doing - but when i went downstairs he was on the couch and this scared me so i went back upstairs and was promising to do it tomorrow.

Until i had another breakdown and completely reorganized all my projects so i wouldnt have an unproductive spiral. and then i just finished so i thought Now i will do the dishes so i can get back into doing my Other Tasks. that is if they werent done - the thing with the dishes is that he said he was going to cook. which is how it usually goes. so its not like he just told me to clean LOL

but during this time i had headphones on which are sound proof and as i was going outside i took them off and realized the tv was on which means hes downstairs. and also i could smell meat cooking, meaning he was making dinner. its at this point i was like. whoops i didnt do the dishes that sucks but also. i Have told him i was in the middle of a depressive period. i havent been eating and i havent been leaving my room at all. even my father picked up on this. its easy to assume that he understands that hey! maybe youll tell me to do something and i just dont do it. for gods sake i didnt even answer the text bc i didnt want to say id do it and then not do it.

so i went to shower instead and felt really sick standing up since obviously i havent eaten and it feels like my stomach is caving in and i can smell food cooking which just makes it significantly worse.

which is whatever. i leave. i think about whether or not my pride will let me go downstairs when he tells me hes made dinner. NOTE: my father is gone today - hes partying with his work friends as a going away thing. so it is just us.

except! he hasnt texted me at all! in fact! its been half an hour since i know he cooked and nothing has been said to me. which leaves the options. he made something else and i can just fend for myself. he made the original meal [which was burgers and takes a while to do cause he does it from scratch] and was pissed that i didnt do the dishes so he didnt make me any. or hes still cooking and has yet to text me [doubtful]

which. i dont know which is worse! and i am unsure if i am allowed to be upset by this!

because on one hand yea. i was supposed to do the dishes and i couldnt even bring myself to do that.

but on the other hand. man im fucking depressed. it took two days of convincing to get me to brush my teeth again. i am getting physically ill from lack of food and ive been having casual thoughts of suicide again. and its not like he doesnt know. like ive told him. ive left out my diagnosis papers so he could see them - which he told me hes read ! im not 'suffering in silence' or whatever. im just FUCK i dont know. i hate this stupid family.

its like everyone looks at me and goes. yea you have problems. but the second i start i dont fucking know having problems everyone gets soooo mad at me and tells me how awful and lazy and how im literally never going to ammount to anything or do anything < real words that my brother had said ! he went off very long on how pathetic i am to my father and only 'apologized' like a day later when he was high which was barely even an apology he just said sorry and then hung up.

its like every time i try to get better and then everyone around me just. fucking i dont even know man. my mom hates me. my brother hates me. my father hates everything i like and everything i stand for and completely refuses to ever listen to me actually talk. im awful person to everyone around me and all my friends and im not getting out of this hell hole. nothing is going to change when i get to iowa. im just gonna be the same shitty person in an even shittier country with people and family that i hate

[littlx-songbxrd]

Ziaaa you're back!

You missed lesbian visability week 😔

Also I still need to finish chot lol I've been in a deep depressive spiral lately and I haven't really gotten anything done.

Also I promise this is the last time lol but...fic..fic I wrote...in my masterlist

FAEEEEE

😔 its fine we can still celebrate who says we only get a week.

Oh jesus i GET that. I wouldnt say im in some kinda spiral but lives just been plain weird. I hope it gets better soon and dw about chot, in retrospec i dont think it was the strongest ending to the series.

WAIT I THINK I STARTED IT RN LET ME LOOK

[theartist-june]

Okay, so... listen.

This idea has been stuck inside my head for so long and it took me time to actually piece things together. I actually wanna write this but I doubt myself that I can commit so I will just do art for the idea instead.

You see, I have been into FNAF SB Sun and Moon x Reader lately. I just like the concept and all and made me take a deep dive into FNAF SB in general, all secretly of course lol.

And I just--*I just want something psychological*. Of course, there are some of those good stuff yeah! The good stuff! But I just wanted something more I guess? And since I can’t get enough of it, I decided to make one lol.

Soooooooo...!!!

I’m just going to put these ideas down here so I wouldnt forget later when I make a separate blog for this... or just something in general. I really wanna make a proper art for this though.

Anyway! A little idea ramble below lol.

...

18 years ago, they took away the most important people that you ever had in your life. Blazing fire, leaving nothing but ruins that was never rebuilt again. You were still young, but you already knew you lost so much because the people you lost were the only ones you promised to love.

Growing up was a spiral of agony and depression. You could not connect to people, your reality was them. Their warmth, their care. The yearning became so much that you were losing touch of reality. Then, as if the heavens answered your prayers, you started hearing them! It was not so much at first, as if your mind was playing games with you. But then you started seeing them. Your best friends. The ones you loved the most in this whole world. Or at least, the silhouettes of who they are.

You were happy. But you were not content.

Then, you started blacking out. Gaps within your memory. All you knew is that you miss them and that you had to do something. Whenever that urge comes, it gets dark and cold. You started waking up in the ruins of the burnt pizza plex, where you always knew Sun and Moon would be. And every time you woke up, you knew you needed to do the dirty job and started digging.

This happened so many times. You want, you black out, you wake up and dig a hole before filling it back up. It was a ruthless cycle, but it made you feel closer to them. Closer to their voices... to the silhouettes that would comfort you.

And the day came, where there was only one hole left to dig. It was the big day, you knew it. This time, you did not black out. Your mind was clear for the first time in ages. You were happy, ecstatic even.

You are going to meet them soon. Sun and Moon. Your best friends, your only family.

Just one more hole to dig... one more hole to fill.

You need to find him.

He will bring them back together.

And you will be with them together forever.

...

So yeah, I want me some more dark themesssssss. I felt demanding so I might as well slave myself for it lol. So yeah, sorry guys, looks like I will be making some FNAF content here too lol. Bear with me because I am just too scattered and wants a lot. I mean, this is better than making drama with others lmao

[lemonietrinket]

nct/wayv masterlist

number of works: 48+

begun: 20/08/2019 last updated: 11/12/2020

key

request ✤ musical ♫ halloween/spooky ☾ christmas ❅ oddball ♧ idol birthday present ✧

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

drabbles

Not the Reason ||| Taeil x Reader ✧ ||| fluff, mild angst ~ taeil finally admits something small, and maybe its a step towards the biggest confession of them all

Arms ||| Johnny x Reader just fluff ~ sleepy cuddling with johnny

Pro Gamer ||| Taeyong x Reader ✧ ||| fluff lol ~ playing animal crossing with your boyfriend, and hes not having a lot of luck

00:13 ||| Taeyong x Reader timestamp ||| angst mostly, fluff ~ late at night you hit a depressive spiral after feeling very ignored by your friends

Yuta x Insecure!Reader angst, reassurance fluff ~ because of your insecurities with your body, you make sure youre never as physically close to your boyfriend as much as you want to be. yuta wants to fix that ~ warnings: body insecurities (kept vague, but focusing around chest and stomach), general feelings of upset, tears, swearing (1x f**k)

Epilogue ||| Kun & Reader smutty undertones, lil fluff ~ prequel to ‘Candy Baby’, involves a soft, embarrassed and ultimately curious kun, and an accidentally nosey reader

Peace ||| Kun x Reader big fluff ~ waking up with kun is great—but you know what is also good? falling right back asleep again

Victory ||| Ten x Reader fluff, humour ~ sad ten wants cuddles and mean reader wont give him any

Merigold ||| Jaehyun x Reader angst with tiny fluff ~ when buying flowers for your date, you end up falling in love—with the wrong guy

Safe Haven ||| Mark x Reader big fluff ~ while waiting for your boyfriend to come home, you sit curled up on the sofa, stuck on the edge of sleep

Catgroove - Parov Stelar ||| Hendery x Reader ♫ ||| humour ~ pranking hendery with a classic

Pair ||| Jaemin x Reader ✤ ||| solid fluff ~ you wait for your boyfriend to come home so you can spring a surprise

reactions

How NCT would comfort you after a bad day fluff, bit of angst, some curse words ~ kind of just what it says on the tin

How NCT 127 would react to accidentally hurting you fluff, some tiny spicier elements, but they’re so mild, attempts at humour, tiny bits of angst in some? ~ scenarios in this are only very small things, and are mostly he members being clumsy/forgetting to be a bit careful in normal everyday situations—no one gets really hurt!

How NCT Dream would react to you getting the hiccups pure fluff, humour

Small Displays of Affection in Domestic Life with Dream pure fluff and bad humour 

oneshots/imagines

Stay ||| Taeil x Reader fluff ~ boredom strikes you in your tired state, leading you to think back on the night before

Dreams Come True ||| Johnny x MakeupArtist!Reader ✤ ||| fluff, small angst if you squint, some more inferred heated elements ~ johnny is kind to all the members of staff, and so you believe that he thinks no differently of you

Kestrel ||| Johnny x Reader ♧ ||| wistful angst, fluff ~ youre on the cusp on a huge change in your life, but a part of you cant let go, and youre not sure how youre supposed to

Lie to Me ||| Johnny x Reader subverted angst, fluff, smutty undertones ~ you and johnny dont agree on everything. and this time neither of you are great at backing down

Save A Nation ||| Johnny x Reader �� ||| humour, lil fluff ~ unistudent!johnny knows how hot he is. oh he knows. he also knows that a certain someone has had a crush on him for a very long time. and he also knows youre not confident enough to address it. but this is the catch for you, you see: because he is

Candy Baby ||| Yuta x Reader ❅ ||| lil fluff, humour, lil smutty undertones ~ you and your boyfriend are shopping at a special lingerie store. though not for the reasons that anyone may first expect…

Entranced ||| Yuta x Reader fluff, lil smutty undertones ~ waking up in yutas arms in the morning, bc who doesnt want that

Mishap ||| Yuta x Reader humour, lil fluff? ~ yuta is not known for his woodwork skills. he is also not particularly known for any common sense that would also come with it. however, good things can be made of the worst scenarios, and yuta is not completely inept—no matter what winwin tries to assert.

Cosiest Place on Earth ||| Kun x Reader big fluff, some humour ~ where Kun is relaxing in peace, and a certain someone decides its a prime time to ‘annoy’ him 

Home ||| Kun x Reader ❅ ||| big fluff ~ just cuddling with your long-time boyfriend after a busy day with the rest of wayv

Snow Drift ||| Kun x Reader ❅ ||| fluff, humour ~ going sledding with your boyfriend, what can possibly go wrong?

A Good Reason to Break the Law ||| Doyoung x Reader humour, fluff ~ doyoung does love you. and you wouldnt really call yourself a rule-breaker. yet you always find a way to worry him—which isnt particularly difficult, if you were honest

Baby Baby ||| Doyoung x Reader ♧ ||| fluff ~ a long day out leaves both you and bf!doyoung exhausted, and though its nowhere near over yet, you at least you have each other

Dinosaur ||| Doyoung x Reader fluff, humour, heated elements ~ doyoung was worried to meet your family, but he needn’t have been

Definitions ||| Doyoung x Reader ❅ ||| fluff ~ you’re studying with doyoung after returning home for christmas

Fail-Safe ||| Ten x Reader ❅ ||| big fluff ~ cuddling late at night with your slightly clumsy boyfriend

Aster ||| Jaehyun x Reader ✤ ||| fluff, mildly heated elements ~ just some calm, soft times in bed with a very shirtless jaehyun

Ladder ||| Lucas x Reader ❅ ||| humour, fluff ~ you love your bf lucas, you really do. but sometimes, his chaotic tendencies led him into all kinds of trouble. and you never, ever laugh at him. totally. not even when he puts himself in a compromising position. not even once.

Spirit ||| Xiaojun x Reader ✤ ||| fluff, little bit of sad ~ bed cuddles with your boyfriend after a hard day

Look Down ||| Mark x Reader angst, bits of fluff ~ mark invites you to a pretty bridge at sunset to finally confess to you

Ready ||| Mark x Reader ✧ ||| fluff ~ first time hand-holding with a shy, slightly awkward bean

Beautiful Like the Moon ||| Jeno x Reader ✧ ||| fluff ~ moongazing with your boyfriend to celebrate the end of his birthday

Strength ||| Jeno x Reader fluff ~ even with a cold you cant be stopped, and jeno loves you all the more for it

Sun vs Sun ||| Haechan x Reader humour, fluff ~ playful times out camping with hyuck and the others. but mainly hyuck.

Lung Crusher ||| Johnny x Reader x Haechan ✤ ||| fluff, humour ~ after a long day, you and johnny are peacefully dozing on the sofa. you expected the two of you would be left alone, but youd be wrong

Loved ||| WayV x Reader ✤ ||| big sad, big fluff, big humour ~ everyone needs to be taken care of sometimes, no matter how strong they are. and so when you come home from an awful day in the outside world, you are blessed to have several people come and pick you up again, setting you back on your feet ~ long fic ~ - NOTE: this is the old version of a new multiparter fic seen below, named Love. This version, Loved, will not be edited or updated but will be kept up for the slightly different series of events that it follows in comparison to its new version.

multi-parters

The Code ||| Doyoung x Barista!Reader slight angst, some fluff, mostly a mystery ~ doyoung has a thing for a barista at the best cafe in town, and after finding out the boss there is super strict, he counts his chances out. however, a bizarre set of events lead to an opening for someone clever enough to take it, and luckily his heart has chosen well. Part One ~ where doyoung remembers a special moment and confesses much to his own regret Part Two - coming soon ~ where doyoung begins to find strange numbers on his averley recyclable cups

King and Lionheart ||| King!Jungwoo x RoyalKnight!Reader ♧ ||| angst, fluff ~ inspired by the song of the same name, jungwoo is your king who you serve with your life, and you are his beloved knight in shining armour Part One ~ where you flee with nothing but the clothes on your backs and one another Part Two - coming soon ~ where you fight

Love ||| WayV x Reader ✤ ||| reader big sad, lots of fluff, quite a bit of yearning & foreshadowed drama Main Story ~ everyone needs to be taken care of sometimes, no matter how strong they are. and so when you come home from an awful day in the outside world, you are blessed to have several people come and pick you up again, setting you back on your feet. though, not everything is as a clear cut as you perhaps once thought ~ long fic ~ - slow updates - Ending One - Kun - coming soon . Ending Two - Ten - coming soon . Ending Three - Sicheng - coming soon . Ending Four - Lucas Extra Special fluff, soft angst ~ ft jungwoo & reader; you and xuxi have an impromptu slumber party where your feelings are finally admitted to one another with the accidentally prompting on jungwoo’s behalf . Ending Five - Xiaojun Jigsaw Puzzle fluff, bit of humour ~ after finding the hedgehog’s plastic bowl broken, you and xiaojun head to the pet store to buy a new one . Ending Six - Hendery - coming soon . Ending Seven - Yangyang - coming soon

Camping ||| NCT 127 & WayV x Reader fluff, some spicier elements sometimes ||| choose-your-own-story Start - in progress: 9,575 words collectively so far - - slow updates - ~ where you go camping with nct 127 & wayv, and end up in the most boring tent after dark during a small storm

extra

Vibe Checking NCT ~ don’t ask just read

[spikedru]

Hi! So first off, your blog is incredible (probs the best buffy blog I have come across so far?) & second, I have gathered you are a spike fan, super curious to hear your thoughts on the terrible episode in season 6 (?) where he tries to r*pe buffy. I feel like everyone tends to ignore the weirdness of season 6 but I really want to explore other folks opinions on it

lmao thank u for enjoying my bullshit <3

it got kinda long so im putting my thoughts under a read more. tw for discussion of sexual assault

to be frank i dont think ive actually sat down and watched seeing red since the first time i watched the show back when i was like. 14. a lot of shit goes down in that ep that is not fun to watch, nor was it supposed to be. in my personal opinion, i dont like most of season 6. it starts out fine, bargaining and after life are interesting, engaging episodes. the seeds of everyones explosive interpersonal dramas are about to fully bloom, and theres a lot of narrative tension in that regard. but as the characters unhealthy coping mechanisms start to catch up with them and bad decisions after bad decisions are being made, i no longer enjoyed watching characters i love begin to succumb to their downward spirals. the push/pull of negative character development works for some people, but it just wasnt enjoyable to me. i started this blog in march right around the time i was doing my first s6 rewatch in years and i eventually gave up right before riley shows back up because it wasnt fun for me to watch anymore (also because i think as you were is a dumb episode lol) :/ lmao i guess as a depressed 20 something i dont want to also watch a bunch of depressed 20 somethings struggle with real world problems. im still debating whether to just go back and watch the dark willow eps, bc that was fun to see, but other than that ... :/

back to seeing red, while i hate that it lead to an attempted sexual assault, i can understand the narrative path that got them to that point. spike is absolutely in the wrong, he's the one that took it too far, but regardless, from a character perspective i can see how he got to the bathroom. the buffy/spike sexual relationship is absolutely toxic the moment it begins. its built on misunderstandings, buffy using spike without regard for his feelings not understanding that despite being soulless he is his own person with his own emotions, and spike not understanding why buffy is turning to him, that her own self loathing and depression is what is driving her to him as a means of escape, not truly because of a purer emotion like love which is what he wants. their whole tryst is a stew of muddled yes/no mixed signals. and after buffy decides to break it off with spike for good, as a way for herself to begin healing from her depression, it makes sense that he wouldnt fully believe her. she had been turning her back on him and then crawling back so often, why would this time be different? again with the misunderstandings of the relationship between the both of them. they had reached a standstill where neither party knows how the other is interpreting their actions. i like this excerpt from Critically Touched's review of Seeing Red, because i feel like he is able to explain how they got to that bathroom scene in a very succinct way

"Something had to happen with these two. Spike had to just leave the show, die, or do something so bad to Buffy that he'd need to get a soul to even attempt to make things right with her, despite the fact that having a soul makes him a new individual in the process. So, despite obviously not "enjoying" the scene, I did find it shocking and I did find it valuable from a character perspective. Due to their twisted sexual relationship this season, I'm not convinced anything else other than this would result in Spike fighting for his soul to be not just a better man... but to be a man (which is poetically said in "Beneath You" [7x02])."

here is the link to the rest of the review -> [link] which i feel like, as with his other buffy reviews, is able to objectively analyze the episode in a really interesting and in depth way, and also help contextualize the episode not just within the season but the rest of the show. i recommend looking through the rest of his reviews, its an interesting perspective from someone who clearly loves this show a lot and is willing to take the time to analyze both the narrative threads as well as the character development, giving every single character their dues in his analysis.

i genuinely love both buffy and spike a lot as characters. they are both incredibly engaging and interesting, in how they grow and change throughout the course of the show, as well as how they play off each other and what they bring out in each other. seeing red is a difficult episode for a lot of people, and for good reason. while their relationship was toxic for both parties it was absolutely spike that took it too far, his attempted sexual assault is inexcusable, and he pays dearly for his transgression. i dont know if i will sit down and watch seeing red ever lol, its definitely up there with the body for episodes that i refuse to rewatch often (though for entirely different reasons lol).

i hope i explained that adequately. its a sensitive subject and i kno a lot of people understandably dont like spike because of his actions in s6. he had straddled the line between good and bad for so long that he had to reach some kind of tipping point to either go fully good or fully bad, and if he died or left the show it would have felt that his character arc had been cut short or left unfinished somehow. its unfortunate and terrible that the tipping point had to come at the cost of assault towards buffy, but as Critically Touched said given that the nature of their relationship was roughly sexual and full of misunderstandings, i can see how it ended up in that bathroom.

also just as a quick aside the way the scene is shot does an excellent job of evoking this sense of dread and wrong. you can tell immediately something awful is going to happen and it makes my skin crawl

[saintksoo]

.

[disorganisedpilot]

captains log 06-07/01/21

once again couldnt get up bc i was so depressed i wish this wouldnt keep happening

skipped breakfast Again

went out to the top of the garden to put out more mealworms for the birds

had a shower. dressed in purple cords i patched over the summer, tie dyed shirt, grey sweatshirt, big scarf and glittery earrings 

beans on toast for lunch and drank lots of coffee

tried to work and failed miserably. didnt even turn my laptop on, just sat and spiraled

lit the jasmine candle again tho n it smelled nice

went for a walk

ate a ginger biscuit and drank a cup of tea, and wrote a letter to my grandparents

checked my emails. thats the closest i got to working lol. spiralled again abt hpw everyone probly hates me n how i cant see a psych until feb

ate vegan sausages, mash and broccoli leaves with beetroot ketchup for tea and drank sparkling water. fancy lol

watched a film w my fam

watched the news. wtaf. 

i think i have v low empathy for other people but high empathy for stuffed toys lol. its a complicated thing but yea. my empathy is Low. id talk more but im exhausted

its 02:13 im gona sleep

[roguestarsailor]

wow i think eras tour live stream cured my depression!! i mean seriously. i went over to the bday girl party and it wasnt just a lot of ppl it was the usual group and i felt less like i didn’t belong and i actually wasnt freaking out about the guy. actually i wasnt uncomfortable at all and it was wonderful. idk what happened but i feel like i see clearer now. he IS just a regular guy and just being nice to me and i blew it up in my brain. but wow hanging out today changed it. i even know his ex’s name and a lot of things about her  and i didn’t spiral. i saw how he close he is w her but i also see how hes close w the rest of the group too.

and him. i dont want him anymore. i dont want to steal him away and keep him in a pocket. i dont want to murder all the girls he surrounds himself w and more. i really dont. i truly don’t have much in common and we don’t have good conversations nor do we know how to joke with each other. and quite frankly he’s just back to regular guyy and not like hANDSOMEST guy i’ve ever met in my entire life. wow. this feels insane. i guess i’ve shed enough tears eh? maybe that intense cry i had at 3 am on monday was enough to knock me to normal again??? even if we dated it’d be NOTHINNG. i wouldnt be happy and i can’t believe i am at this point.

the only alarming thing i learned about his ex is that she HAS a line down her back......and i feel super unoriginal. i really love the idea of a thin line tattooed down my back to go with my line around my arm but ugh i can’t believe its not original at all. (if it was ever an option) i would never date him because i know that about his ex lol.

im wondering what changed. maybe next time i feel anxious and lusting after a guy i should put on something more dressy to feel confident. or maybe after talking to my friends and getting their perspective, i feel more validated about my initial feelings. also knowing if i am uncomfortable I can leave. mayybe it’s knowing that i can make friends and *i* can decide who i let into my life rather than someone else letting me in their lives. idk what changed but i feel so much more level headed now.

and i feel more hopeful. maybe i will get my first kiss soon. maybe i’ll meet someone who will light up my world (and not make me a rolling ball of jealousy and insecurity like this poor guy i projected intensely onto) and just--fantastic to talk to and be as witty as Nora and Charlie in Book Lovers. idk, i think i can find him. i have a lot in common w a lot of ppl here already so theres bound to be someone eventually (right??? [panicked]). i think i’ll spend some time with myself and also be firm about my life choices and what feels right to *me*.

[pumpumdemsugah]

ur posts r so helpful esp coming from a balck girl bc i know ur speaking from a similar place as me. it's been 2 years, im 21 and i have legit NO friends. this year i started uni and ive made classroom friends but idk how to evolve those connections. i get stuvk thinking its gonna b weird when they figure out theyre my only friend then i start w spiral. im trying tho and this new semester im gonna try harder bc i am BORED lol i love myself but i need 2 talk 2 someone who aint me you know?

lmao i use to have that same fear about omg what if they realise im their only friend, they’ll think im a freak. glad im not alone and DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT lol there’s been lots of point where i was very lonely and people kinda of clocked but they wanted to be around me more than that. SHIT! admitting it in a non-sob story way is a great way to get you invited to places. let people, “wow i dont go no where if you’re ever doing anything invite me lol” or even saying things like “im a boring bitch that wants a more exciting social life lets go to the zoo” 

obviously play on your strengths. being very baby face i use to play up the cuteness in a tongue and cheek way when i asked people or excitedly was like omg can i come but when you do that judge the room and if you think they wouldnt mind. 

you have to start being bold and asking people to go places with you. research things you want to do in your area, maybe its going to a gallery then going somewhere to try this burger. you dont have to ask a group it can be 1 person you really like being around

all through uni and sixth form id flat out just ask people for their number and give them mine if i wanted to be their friend. as long as you’re friendly with each other most people dont mind at all. doing that will very quickly grow your social cirle and especially with uni everyone trying to find a friend and will be more open than other situations to want you to come. 

“hey can i have your number we should chat”

even just admitting, “hey i want to go see this movie but not by myself, come with”

learn some shamelessness lol most people are looking for good company  and a fun time. be cheeky as shit with being a bit shameless. join societies and clubs if needs be anon.

try it out and if it works for you please tell me. i got really depressed in uni and sometimes locked myself away and having a good sized social group would of helped so im curious about you having someone to chat to 

[ch99rry]

i feel like im going insane lmao

its that time again when i dont feel like doing anything lol

like i cant even bring myself to watch the 4 episodes of hxh a day anymore.... let alone show by rock #

i cant even bring myself to consistently play sbr fes a live and try to rank in the event and try to get gems to pull for the new rom ssr :((

i just wanna lie on the floor and idk die?? im very much not having a good mental health day lmaooo

for some reason every little thing is kinda ticking me off lately.... thankfully i dont spiral into a full blown depressive episode but i feel like im gonna get to that point sooner than later.....

+

random thought but i rlly want an apartment for next semester instead of living on campus.... my only thing is that idk if i’d be able to work enough every week in order to pay rent (and tbh i would really prefer to pay my own rent than have my parents chip in....) bc of my current schedule.... like at least im not taking too many credits but at the same time my schedule is just kinda all over the place so it prevents me from working shifts longer than 3-4 hours....

i was also thinking about how the part of my financial aid that wouldve gone to pay for on campus housing would be freed up and used for my tuition or even rent.... i rlly want an apartment but at the same time idk if it would necessarily be a cheaper option.... BUT at the same time, i would have more freedom to do what i want since i wouldnt rlly have to worry about RAs or reslife or w/e.... 

NNNNNN I JUST WANT FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE BUT I C A N T

[samanthapickler-blog]

The first time we met

When I first met Justin I was 14 and he was 16, so we have known each other for about 7 years now, heading into 8. We met online through a mutual friend that we had gamed together with, and yes Justin and I big gaming nerds and enjoy gaming with each other in our free time. 

So, we met online through a game and became really good friends, playing late into the night, doing stupid shit online and being as we would call ourselves “little shits”. All of this would lead to late night skype calls that would end up with both of us falling asleep in the call and continuing with our shenanigans the next day. 

After a while of this I started to really like this kid, I was myself around him and he wouldnt judge me one bit, but there was one issue; I had already had a boyfriend before I met Justin, but here is the kicker, that boyfriend and I werent together when I met Justin so I was on the market but once that boyfriend found out about Justin he asked to be with my again, this went on for the majority of Justin and I’s friendship and I was off and on with that guy for 6 years. It caused a lot of tears in Justin and I’s friendship because Justin would try to make a move and I was always stupidly with the other guy.

Finally, Justin had enough of it and it led to a big argument which led to us not speaking to each other for two years. I’ve never told him how much those two years sucked without him, the one person I knew I could talk to and be myself around was gone and those two years were really really really rough. I cried a lot in those two years, I missed him so much but I was too prideful to admit it back then, and I hated that he didnt reach out to me like I thought he was because I knew that I meant a lot to him but he didnt reach out and neither did I.

In those two years, the guy that made us tear apart came back into my life again ( at this point I had so much resentment for this dude that I really didnt want to be with him but I also didnt want to be alone ) When he had come back into my life he dropped a bomb on me that I didnt think he would, he was joining the Army, it shocked me mainly because I didnt think he would ever do it but he did. He went off to basic and AIT and then got stationed in Ft. Bliss TX. He and I started to date again and eventually he talked about us getting married, when he started to talk about getting married this is around the time when he learned that he was going to JRTC and eventually would deploy after that. He went off and whatnot, he came back and started to pack for the deployment, he again started to talk about getting married and whatnot and I stupidly thought it was a good idea, I said yes to him and started to plan my move to El Passo but thankfully that got put on hold because of the deployment. 

Now, you guys know I am not married to someone who is stationed in Ft. Bliss, so obviously I didnt marry that guy.I had found out he had been cheating on me and I called it quits, that story is so long and stupid that I will give the run down. He had been cheating on me for some time and I had zero clue, of course it was with someone he worked with and that sucked even more. Anyways, I had to find out while he was deployed from one of our FRIENDS!! Yeah that was a good time, I had to end our relationship for good and I knew it. 

But back to Justin, the amazing man who I am so luck to be married to. After two years of no contact I caved, I added him back on everything and once he accepted I sent a message faster than Ive ever sent any message in my whole life. I sent something stupid because I knew he would answer that lol. 

After a few messages back and forth I had asked him how he had been doing and what he had been up to, ironically he had also join the Army and was stationed here in Kentucky. Instantly I was like “FUCK”  why did you have to join the Army lol, we talked for a while, caught up and talked about what had happened in the two years we didnt speak. He had asked me about the other guy and I had told him that he and I werent together and I had asked him about his love life, he was trying to get with this girl that he had been after for a few months, but never got with her. 

The few months that we talked I saw him spiral with that girl, he was so down on himself and eventually just said “fuck it” and didnt try to go after her again and just deleted her off of everything, kinda like he did me lol. I didnt rush into trying to be with him, but once I found that out boy I was quick to start flirting. Now there is something you need to know about this man, he was OBLIVIOUS to me flirting with him, eventually I just had to come out and say it lol.

Some time went on before we decided to do anything dating wise, one night we had the bright idea to play games together and drink... A few hours in, Im completely gone, and he is right behind me, hes able to hold his alcohol better than I can lol. Eventually it led to him asking me to be his girlfriend and lots and lots and lots of confessions of love and whatnot. 

Now, we have been together a year and it has been the best year of my freaking life. This man treated me in ways I didst think I would ever be treated. He respects me, he loves me and he cares for me. He makes me fee on top of the world ever freaking day and I cannot thank him enough for being the man that he is and the loving husband that he is.

Meeting for the first time

We had been dating for about 6ish months Im not sure, when we had decided that it was finally time to meet each other. There were so many complications with the first date that two months went by before I finally go to meet him.

It was July when we finally got everything squared away. I finally got time off from work and finally knew that I could book my flight and have no issues now!! That night he had facetimed me and we looked at flights, I found the perfect one. What sucked was that I still had to go to work that morning, so I would be going to work, getting off and packing the rest of my things and heading to Austin to make my FIRST FLIGHT EVER. 

Now, I have never flown before up until this and I was SCARED SHITLESS. Justin on the other hand has traveled and is seasoned with flying and told me over and over it wasnt that bad, and it wasnt! I actually really miss flying, and wish I had a reason to do it more often. But my first flight was that day, I left work really early because my nerves were kicking my ass, I was nervous as hell, I didnt know how I would do going through TSA, and getting to my gate, but lucky for me it was easy and when I had gotten through TSA all of my gates were right there. 

It was late as heck when I got on my flight, like 9PM or something like that. I had gotten done with my frist flight and my last flight was out of Houston and from there I would finally be in Nashville and finally with my man. I got into Nashville at 11:30PM and instantly called Justin and told him I was there. He was outside waiting for me!!!!!!! I rushed past everyone and made my way outside to see my boyfriend stading there with the biggest smile on his face. He greeted me with a hug and a kiss on the forehead and then we got in the car and drove back to Ft. Campbell. That night I was quietly let into his barracks room LOL.

We just stood there for a while, hugging and looking at each other and saying “im here!!” over and over and over again. That night we squeezed ourselves onto his bed and tried to fall asleep, but there was too much excitement. He still had to go to PT in the morning and had work as well, I tried to sleep and so did he but we just couldnt. Once we did start falling asleep his alarm went off and it was time for him to get dressed and head out for PT.

He came back later that morning with some breakfast for me and then it was time for him to get dressed and leave for the day :( Let me tell you the barracks are depressing as hell. But I LITERALLY slept all the day while he was at work. He would text me every time he could to check on me and make sure I was okay and whatnot. Later that night he got him and we crashed again, we really messed up our sleeping schedules lol. 

From there it was the weekend so we went to visit my aunt, and then we went up to Ohio to meet a friend, those few days that we had together were so good and will forever have a special place in my heart. 

And that is the first time we met <3