#and that is very very confusing to me as it wasnt relevant to the books only the show

[tar-thelien]

Look I´m a full believer that you should ship what you want and not harass others for their ships BUT

Lately on the Sauron/Mairon tag I´ve seen some people say he wouldn´t be interested in men!??!? Like I´m sorry to break it to you but he literally saw the most beautiful woman to ever exist and instead of thinking about his own desires he instantly thought "my boss would be so proud of me if I gave her to him."

WHAT´S NOT GAY ABOUT THAT CREATURE!?!??!?

Also on a smaller note the few posts that say Sauron could NEVER be gay are literally calling people weird for shipping him with men?? So, could we please just go back to shipping the mass murder with who we want to and stop bothering others with who they ship him with?? No?

So ship who you want and have fun, talk with those who ship the same and all that, but don´t go in and accuse others for having the wrong ship :)

EDIT: just to make sure everyone understands I DON´T IN ANY WAY SUPPORT PEOPLE WHO POLICE SHIPS OR SHAME PEOPLE FOR THEIR SHIP OR ACCUSING THEM OF NOT FOLLOWING CANON ETC ship who you want and don´t bother people who have another ship and try to "teach" them about your ship if they don´t ask for it.

[softness-and-shattering]

Todsys baldurs gate adventures, that are still occuring, notably, not in Baldurs Gate.

Im gonna start tagging for spoilers at this point I think. Im gonna use bg3 spoilers as my tag.

So firstly I picked up find familiar to see if a familiar could get into one of these burrow places. Not onky can they not, even the raven has to follow people-walking paths. Ok I get it cant fly across chasms because thats end-of-map territory. But it cant just go up to a higher or lower terrain, it has to find the walking path! Its ridiculous. I need to pick up misty step somehow or dimension door or perhaps teleport. That'll be relevant soon.

So I used feather fall + jump from behind the mill in the blighted village to sneak across to the very north of the goblin camp. I snuck into the temple. And then I decided nah I wanna go find Halsin properly. His quest diamond was right above thr hunter goblin who's cooking dwarf and his poem is about the sword but ok. I run into poor Volo. (I realised later oh one of the source books is volos guide. Forgot to what though. Theres a very similar character with the same name in pokemon, is it arceus, the 'historical' one? Whats up w that?)

Ok hes being held captive. A quick google tells me to advance the Halsin quest I gotta talk to some oakshield guy so I find him, he directs me to the goblin prison called the pits aaand i wasnt in the secret temple before I was in the pits but I wasnt gettinf the quest information becausr Id done it out of order!

I go in I save volo I save Halsin, I meet Minthra and grieve the decision I, an entire bisexual, must make, but Im playing some kind of chaotic good-ish so I gotta kill her. I long rest. I meet the dream guardian. As Laezel almost murders it occurs to me that sleeping in the Absolute power dungeon mightve been a bad move. Idk what exactly triggered the cutscene but Im gonna imagine it was murdering a bitch, one of the absolutes favourites, and then lying down immediately for a cozy nap.

I go into thr fight with Rakshasa Belthazar. Rak Guruk? The guy with the Illithid. And very very early someone pushes my bard into the spider pit. This is where misty step wouldve been GREAT.

Shadowheart keeps missing and the dream voice tells me to try something different. So I shoot down the brazier to make her happy but it does zero damage to anyone.

I closed the doors before going in but that didnt change refreshments I mean....reinfircements lol running in. Eventually theres one spider left and the human guy whos shooting at me from the rafters.

Then as Im prepping Astarion for the climb, this guy with his 5hp falls an entire storey and has thr goddamn audacity to not take and falling damage. So hes at the bottom of the stairs and Astarions a bit above him. I tell Astarion to run up and stab him. Astarion runs for the ladder. Confused, I stop him and direct him to attack again. He climbs partway up the ladder and then sudddnly he's on the ground and the other guy is dead. I have no idea what happened but I did get the outcome I wanted.

This leaves my bard trapped in the spider pit with one spider and waning health. Everyones on around half or less. So its bard, shadowheart, astarion and karlach.

Bard keeps missing the spider and health is critical. Im getting voice lines to make sure I know hes at deaths door.

Now, because the game isnt great at showing different vertical levels directly stacked, and the spider has jumped up some distance, I assume its on a platform where maybe I can jump my way out. So I have karlach jump down to take some hits. Either way I have to get my bard out some non-magical way so maybe everyone joins him down there and we work it out. Regardless we gotta remove the spider threat.

So karlach jumps down. I hear the dice roll sound. Like ten to fifteen enemies roll into initiative. Ive made a critical error. The spider pit is even lower than I thought.

I consider if everyone can get into the pit and far enough away quickly enough I can teleport to camp. I direct karlach to jump into the pit. I am warned this will take 30 health off of her. (Bard lost about 17 being pushed I think. What is goibg on with this layer cake hideout? Nom).

I look at the 30 fall damage. I look at my bard too far away for feather fall to work. I look at my PCs on very little health. I look at the iniative order with fifteen people in it. I consider if I get into the pit anyway, Im not gonna be able to loot anyone.

And I loaded my save. And then I drcided I was done for the day.

I also forgot to specifically prep Shadowhearts spells to discover mid-fight that I only had the melee healing spell and the non-combat one.

Ive also not really been using the poisons and coatings and explosives and such cause I havent really needed to much. And Im loathe to use perishables in a game. Surely they exist to be saved forever for the opportune moment that never comes, right? But I think when I try the fight again Ill load up. Even Mithras wasnt as difficult, theres just so many 10hp pests.

RIP Mithras. Maybe Ill play as evil next time. I just couldnt condemn the grove. The tiefling bard girl on the clifftop was the purest joy Ive felt in this game. I did hope appearing to go along with Minthara would give me oppprtunity to send her in the wrong direction but I didnt find the right dialogue option, if it exists.

I also like the little sad stories sprinkled around. The dead guy on the beach with the letter from his lover about running away to baldurs gate. The half buried elf with the embroidered heart on his shoe. Ouch. My poor heart. I wanna go find all the victims families and make them safe.

Which reminds me I should check the meat I grabbed from the warg pens. It looked like pig but I should check what it says.

Oh I find it hilarious that theres a sausage weapon. Ill end on that note I think.

[yuukei-yikes]

Is kagepro an anime? I wanna get into the series but I don’t know where to start (and honestly all i know about it is the stuff that you post, shout out to that white hair malewife and black hair girlboss you always post about)

GOD OK UM SO kagepro is really one of those things that are. just messy.

this is my pinned, so i’m putting it under read more!

What is kagerou project, should i get into it, how do i get into it?........... let me tell you about it!

originally? it started as vocaloid series, as in a story told thrusongs, then it had a manga adaptation, anime and novels. they all vary a lil bit with consistency tho tell the same story. and that is because… each media represents a “route” the characters go through. yep. it’s a “time reset” kinda story! kagepro its what i like to call a clump story. just a bunch of stories put together. u take longer delving into each character's backstory rather than the actual main plot ig?? like, knowing everyone's backgrounds Builds the present story. it is difficult to explain 1 thing without explaining another and so on..

if you want to start somewhere I recommend listening to the songs in order, many have very cool music videos also the songs are VERY VERY GOOD.

the manga i recommend up until volume 4 chapter 18. after that it gets TOO confusing because it goes into a route thats only explored in this adaptation, while its kinda important if u REALLY wanna jump into the world of kagepro, it is VERY VERY confusing at first, like a LOT happens and differs significantly from the regular routes(and as an old fan i really was not into it that much but that’s aside the point) but the manga in the first 4 volumes at least puts the beginning more in perspective

and only then id recommend watching the anime cuz without all this the anime is VERY confusing lol the novels are good but theyre wholeass BOOKS yknow. there are 8 so it is not beginner friendly if u rly dont wanna tap into it lol even some seasoned fans haven't read them. that’s my casual kagepro fan guide. but.....

but if in the end u rly become interested and u end up reading them... hey, ur here already, and i know i told u not to finish the manga but if u just read 8 light novels i guess ur ok with reading 9 more volumes of manga!!!! and then... i’d watch the anime? because the anime, believe it or not, as shitty and as ugly as it is... possesses the GOOD ending. and bc u read 8 novels, 13 manga volumes and listened to like 5 song albums, u can watch and actually know what’s going on and u are very happy at the end bc after ALL THAT u get to see the good ending.

BY THE WAY AS FOR THE PLOT... as i said, a clump story. kagerou project isn't only difficult to understand when it comes to all its different medias, the story ITSELF is as convoluted as it comes! hurray! but the basics is, shintaro kisaragi is a shut in ever since his hs best friend ayano tateyama committed suicide. he goes out for the first time in 2 years and runs into some funny quirky people who might've been involved in ayano's life, who in return was involved in fun quirky sci-fi shit about..wow? superpowers?! maybe her suicide wasnt driven by depression but by....(SPOILER CUT)? or was it? join shintaros man angst as he learns about everything ayano left behind! you'll cry! its a REALLY sad story! with lovely characters such as:

kido kano and seto! ayano's little siblings! kido is the leader. of what? good question! kano is gay and hates shintaros guts. seto? he has jobs and better things to do. he likes dogs.

momo! shintaros little sister! she is.. a famous idol?! and... DEPRESSED?!

mary! token cute character who is...relevant to the plot!? and even...A PLOT POINT!?!

hibiya! a 12 year old who ended up here for some reason! also equally as important depending on the route, his best friend hiyori! dont worry about it. 

konoha! we dont know who this guy is. well. we do. but thats a spoiler so dont tell!!!!

and of course our lovely deuteragonist, ene!! the funny little AI living in shintaros phone who TOTALLY didnt use to be human and has a sob story of her own and totally isnt related to the mystery of konohas existence. kagepro!! call now!! ITS AWFUL IN HERE!

[thechangeling]

Ok so a conversation @littlx-songbxrd and I were having made me remember something I was ranting about to a friend of mine once.

Brace yourselves this is going to be long. I'm sorry.

The sexism, homophobia and racism of the shadoworld straight up doesn't make sense and here's why. So if we start chronologically with the infernal devices. There is sexism towards Charlotte right? People don't want her running the institute and they don't want her becoming the consul because she is a woman. But the Clave has no problem letting women train and fight. This doesn't really make sense in my opinion.

Now you could argue that it's because they believe woman can be string capable fighters just not rational thinkers. Which is weird because in my experience you don't meet a lot of people who are "partially sexist" in that way. Like if a man believes a woman can't do high profile, high paying jobs then they usually also don't want them in the military. Anyways moving on, there aren't any mentions of homophobia in TID, mostly because they're arent any queer characters except Magnus and Woolsey.

But something interesting to point out is that none of the characters who know about Magnus and Woolsey ever comment on it really. And following this point, none of the mains display any signs of misogyny either really. (Except for what Will says to Tessa at the end of CA but that was because of the "curse.") You could argue that this is because they're the protagonists so they are supposed to be better then that. But accidental microaggressions are pretty common especially during that time period. More on that later.

Moving onto racism, this is the interesting part. Jem says to Tessa that shadowhunters believe that you are a shadowhunter first and your nationality or eace second. Actually Jem doesnt mention race but he says this while talking about being half Chinese so it's kinda relevant. Shadowhunters rarely tall about race throughout the books in general except for a few instances. When Jessamine criticizes Jem to Tessa, she calls him a foreigner and says some other racist shit that I can't really remember. Something about the yin fin and calling him lazy. That directly contradicts Jem's statement about them all being shadowhunters first. Also Will and Jem actually constantly talk about being Welsh and Chinese in the books so that statement is kinda bogus in general.

And if CC didn't want her mains being sexist or homophobic to show them as good people then why was it ok for both Jesse and Gabriel to say questionable shit about Jem? Anyways moving on to TLH. Sexism is still running rampid with their cultural customs and people being shitty about Charlotte being consul. Bots have to ask the girls to dance, girls cannot have sex before marriage or else they will be ruined or whatever you know the drill. But again, they let the girls fight. Cordelia is allowed to carry around a giant ass sword but she can't get some????

IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE CASSANDRA!!!!!

Sorry I'm losing it. Anyways. Regarding racism. Alastair and Cordelia have experienced micro aggressions from the mains (Matthew and Anna) but it's never addressed. I'm pretty sure if memory serves, the inquisitor makes a nasty comment under his breath about persians when the Carstairs family sans Elias arrive. And then we have the whitewashing of Ariadne/Kamala by her parents.

But none of this stuff ever gets brought up really. Exceot for Kamala talking about her past and who she was before and sharing her original name, but she still doesn't talk about how it effects her potential coming out. Alastair doesnt mention race when he talks about the bullying he went through at the academy and none of the white characters ever stop to think about how Kamala and Alastsir's races play a part in their crappy situations.

There's probably more I could discuss with this but I'm moving on to homophobia. It's a thing in terms of the heteronormativity and people's judgement of Anna but it's not illegal like in mundane societies at this time. But all of the mains are totally cool with it which brings me to, I'm sorry but fucking bullshit! There is no way every single adult would be totally fine with it in this time period. Like I'm not saying outright homophobia but maybe some questionable comments you know? (CC is perpetuating this idea that good people never commit microaggressions which is untrue and harmful.)

I don't think there's any mention of whether or not gay marriage is allowed in the shadowhunter world at this point. Because the issues surrounding Magnus and Alec getting married were about Magnus being a warlock right? Because Helen and Aline got married before them in TFTSA because she was only half fae. So that brings me to when was gay marriage legalized in the shadow world?????

Is there any mention of this because I don't think there is? Anyways moving onto TMI. This is where everything goes to absolute shit in terms of world building with the standards for these things. Misogyny isn't really a problem in tmi anymore from what I remember. Nobody has issues with Jia as consul (from what I remember,) and that's that. But homophobia is still rambid throughout shadowhunter society so much so that Alec is terrified to come out because he believes that he can't be gay and be a shadowhunter in peoples eyes. Also there is pressure to "carry on the family name" which doesn't make sense because if the sexism has died out then women can have babies with whoever and not even be married and carry on their family line. And not everyone needs to have children, ergo there is less pressure on the sons to carry on the family name or whatever. This also doesn't make sense because homophobia literally cannot exist without sexism!!!!

This is because of colonial gender roles being forced on society. And men being with men and women being with woman totally smashes the whole gender roles, "woman do this and men do that" idea. There's more that I could say on that but this is already so freaking long so please just look it up. And speaking of gender roles it's literally mentioned that Maryse didn't teach Izzy to cook because she didn't want her to be forced into a housewife role like she was (although there's no evidence to suggest she was?) But then Maryse is lowkey homophobic?

It doesn't make sense Cassandra!!!!!

CC doesn't get that you literally don't have homophobia or transphobia without sexism. Indigenous societies pre-colonization didn't care about any of that stuff. Literally two spirit people were revered and respected and no one gave a fuck about gender until my ancestors literally came along and ruined everything. (I'm so sorry.)

But anyways there's no mentions of racism amongst the shadowhunters in tmi. Just Maia talking about her experiences with mundane society as a black girl. When Clary confronts Valentine and basically calls him a n*zi, he laughs at her and basically says that shadowhunters don't see race the way mundanes do which yikes @ CC. Granted this was 2007. This kind of sounds like what Jem said in TID. Only it clearly wasnt true.

Anyways I'm just super confused at this point. In TDA there was basically nothing in terms of all the isms and phobias. (Oh we arent even discussing ableism because my fucking head will explode!) But we do discuss transphobia a bit with Diana. But again it doesn't make fucking sense because transphobia exists because of sexism and clear gender roles (and homophobia.)

Society is still shown to be pretty heteronormative though which I guess makes sense but the Blackthorns have multiple queers in their family! You would think that they would be less so. When Livvy mentions all the reasons that Annabel could have a forbidden love she doesnt even think to mention that it could be a lesbian relationship. When Mark finds out that Jaime was in Dru's room he freaks out but I guarentee you, he wouldn't have if Jaime was a girl. I mean you could argue that it's an age thing and not a gender thing but idk. That scene always bothered the fuck out of me. Because Mark is literally half fae like why is he caught up on bullshit "boys and girls can't just be friends" hetero bullshit.

In QOAAD we see Dane Larksoear being sexist so randomly for no reason. Like it's so strange because CC literally created a caricature of a sexist villian with him. And it makes no sense because no one else seems to feel the way he does. Like Zara is basically the leader of the cohort right? And nobody gives a fuck. It makes no damn sense Cassandra!

And finally, why is the faerie world sexist with gender roles WHEN EVERYONE IS LITERALLY BISEXUAL AND THEY'RE FAERIES CASSANDRA!!!???? THEY'RE LITERALLY FAERIES WHY IS THERE A CONCEPT OF GENDER AT ALL CASSANDRA????!!!!

Ok lol now I'm done. Sorry this is so long. But yeah I'm so confused.

Tldr: CC's world building in regards to sexism, homophobia, racism and transphobia is very inconsistent and contradictory and it makes no damn sense.

[princessjungeun]

One Last Chance: Mina x Reader

Request: Hi! your stories are awesome! Is it okay I can request Mina x female reader college life, where Mina is the most popular rich girl, and her friends place a bet that Mina has to go out with you and make you fell in love with her but turns out the time you guys were together Mina eventually fells in love and tries to call off the bet, and you heard the whole thing, heartbroken you avoided her and Mina did anything that she could to bring you back, fluffy ending (: pleas and thank you!

Hi my loves. This is the long Mina scenario I was asking about earlier. This is really REALLY long but you all promised you wouldn’t mind so here it is 🙃

You transferred to Sungkyunkwan University at the beginning of this semester. Originally you attended MIT for Software Engineering, hacking is your specialty. When a professor recommended you for a study abroad, you couldn’t pass it up. You knew Korean well due to growing up in a heavily Korean influenced neighborhood as a child.

Coming to Korea wasn’t that bad because you were able to meet a few other people over social media before you arrived. You met your roommate months before you flew in so you already had one best friend.

Upon your arrival you already drew up quite a bit of attention. Somehow people found out you were from MIT which they couldn’t believe. Your roommate made sure to make you aware of who to avoid and who was friendly. Pretty much everyone was nice but she told you to watch for one group of girls.

Which is why when you were approached by none other than Mina Myoui aka the richest bitch in the whole school you were beyond confused. The raven haired girl asked “Hey. You’re Y/N right?” You had never seen Mina up close, she was ten times more beautiful than you thought.

“Wait do you speak Korean? I’m sorry. Are you Y/N?” She switched to English when you didn’t respond right away. You quickly tried to answer without sounding stupid “I-Uh um yes I am Y/N and I speak Korean yeah sorry I...I uh. I’m sorry...yeah.” You mentally face palmed yourself for not being able to say one simple sentence to her.

She sat down and said “you’re new and from what I know your only friend is Kahei. So meet me at the cafe down the street at 6, I’ll be waiting.” Before you could respond she got up and walked back to her group of friends who seemed to be laughing. You noticed two of the girls from her group. Im Nayeon was in one of your engineering classes while Minatozaki Sana was in a psych class you took to fill an empty slot.

When you got back to your dorm Kahei was on her bed reading a book. She asked “where’d you go?” You responded “the quad to start a project. But something really weird happened.” Kahei sat up on her bed and patted the spot next to her, “come on talk to me I wanna know.”

“That really rich and pretty girl....Mila? She’s friends with Im Nayeon and Minatozaki Sana...she came up to me and told me to meet her at the cafe down the street at 6.” Kahei’s eyes widened and she loudly said “MINA MYOUI ASKED YOU ON A DATE?” You shrugged then nodded. Kahei made you resite every thing that happened leading up to her asking you out for coffee. In the end she said “hmmmm...I don’t trust it. It sounds fake.” You responded “I do admit it’s a little suspicious that the most rich and popular girl in school asked me, the poor foreigner to a date...”

Kahei told you “well even if it is fake you’re gonna go to find out.” You looked at your sweatpants and t shirt you were currently wearing. You hair was in a messy bun and your thick glasses sat lopsided on your face. “Do rich people like girls who look like me?” You asked uncertainly. Kahei responded “only one way to find out!”

When you went to the cafe Kahei decided to tag along but sit at a different table with her girlfriend Haseul.

Mina arrived shortly after you, “oh i honestly didn’t think you’d show up.” She was surprised to see you actually came. You looked at you hands in your lap “I mean I think it’s rude to blow someone off...” Mina sat down across from you “you look really pretty.” You could tell that it was a genuine complement by the way she smiled softly when she said it. I guess rich people do like girls like me you thought to yourself.

For the next hour she asked you about everything there was she should know about you. Kahei told you to make sure not to disclose every detail about yourself because she still didn’t trust Mina. However by the end of the night you were convinced she was genuine.

•

•

•

Weeks passed and you continued to meet up with Mina, you knew Kahei and Haseul warned you about catching feelings too quickly but you couldn’t help it. Mina seemed so sweet and genuine despite her rich bitch demeanor.

You sat in the library working on a project with your classmate Yuqi. “I know we just met like this week but I don’t trust her either, I’m with Kahei on this one.” You don’t know why you decided to spill all of your business to Yuqi but something about her seemed trustworthy. You rolled your eyes “You all are delusional.”

Deep down you believed Kahei and Haseul and now Yuqi but you didn’t want to admit it. Mostly because you caught feelings for Mina. Badly. Yuqi didn’t pull her eyes away from her laptop “I-I’m just saying something here isn’t adding up. This isn’t right.”

“I’m just gonna- give me a minute.” Yuqi furiously typed away on her laptop, occasionally smiling and laughing to herself. After about two minutes passed she flipped her screen around in front of you was a KakaoTalk page. Mina Myoui’s to be specific.

“Yuqi! WHAT DID YOU DO?!” You whisper yelled to the younger girl who sat with a smile on her face. She simply answered “I hacked into her account. See?” You responded “I’m not reading her messages. That’s an invasion of privacy.” Yuqi responded “Ok well if you won’t I will, she has no relevance to me so it can’t hurt the nonexistent relationship between us.”

She scrolled and scrolled her facial expressions changing from surprised to one you couldn’t quite read. “Y-Y/N....um...I don’t know if you should read this yourself or not.” You felt a pit in your stomach form knowing whatever she had in front of her wasnt good news.

Yuqi slid her laptop to you and you read the messages shared between Mina and her friend group:

Sana: you have three days left in this bet Myoui

Chaeyoung: Sana’s right, you need to figure out how to get Y/N to confess to you

Nayeon: yeah if you don’t you can kiss that Maldives trip bye bye and we can say hello to that shopping spree :)

Mina: I dont want this anymore guys

Sana: are you chickening out?

Chaeyoung: shes chickening out

Mina: it’s not that

Nayeon: so what is it

Mina: nevermind

Jeongyeon: i might be in this friend group but this is wrong on every level

Tzuyu: I’m with Jeongyeon unnie

Dahyun: Me too

Momo: what bet? who is Y/N? I WANT A SHOPPING SPREE!

Jihyo: No you dont

Momo: no i do not

Jihyo: but I’m with Jeongyeon and the kids.

You couldn’t believe what you were reading. There was no way in hell Mina could have done this to you. Absolutely no way. Wanting to find some sort of happy ending you scrolled to a different chat with only this Jeongyeon girl. These newer messages brought on a new wave of emotions.

Jeongyeon: why are you trying to call it off now. You were all excited about it and now you want nothing to do with it.

Mina: I don’t know, It just feels wrong now

Jeongyeon: I know you Mina there’s something else

Mina: Theres nothing else

Jeongyeon: dont you dare lie to me

Mina: fine.

Mina: i like her. A lot. And i want to be with her.

Jeongyeon: then make your move

Mina: but if she finds out it was started with a bet....

Jeongyeon: well then come clean and apologize and pray she stays around. But honestly if i was her i wouldnt give you a second chance

Mina: thats not very reassuring

Jeongyeon: i’m disappointed in you, that’s the best you’re getting for now

Mina: ok, thank you unnie

Mina: i’m doing it tomorrow i’ll tell you how it goes

Jeongyeon: mhm

You looked to see when that last message was sent and it read yesterday’s date. So she was planning to confess or come clean today. Immediately you stood up and put your belongings in your bag before leaving Yuqi alone in the library.

You walked across campus to the dance studio where you found Mina dancing with another girl. “Myoui.” You pushed your glasses up to prevent them from sliding down. Mina turned and saw you “Y/N hey I thought we were going to meet la-”

You cut her off “I love you Mina Myoui, with all my heart I do! Is that what yo want to hear? Can you go to the Maldives now? You won. Congratulations bitch.” Mina looked at the other girl who stood in the room, she looked really confused and got uncomfortable and sprinted out, almost falling on her own feet.

“What are you talking about? I won? Maldives?” Mina questioned you. You snapped back “I didn’t stutter did I?” She replied “how did you- Who told you?” You responded “It’s not who told me or how I found out. You placed a stupid bet on me and toyed with my heart as if you were interested and I fell for your bullshit. Stay the fuck away from me. And if I catch you even thinking about talking to Kahei...you’ll wish you didn’t.” You turned around and walked out not giving Mina a chance to talk.

•

•

•

Weeks passed and the semester was coming to a close in 6 weeks. You hadn’t heard a thing from Mina or any of her friends. Sana and Nayeon stayed away from you when they had class with you. Kahei, Haseul, and Yuqi introduced you to their friends instead to make up for the relationship you once had.

Out of all of the girls you met through Kahei and Yuqi, Jinsoul and Miyeon were closest with you. Miyeon walked into your room “Hey. We’re going to a party and you’re coming. All you’ve done is moped around, worked on projects, or went to the boxing gym. It’s been too long you need to go out.” You groaned “don’t you have work today?” Miyeon responded “ok we meant you and Jinsoul but she’s finishing an assignment so she sent me to tell you.” You rolled over on your face knowing there was no getting out of this.  “Ugh fine.” You giving into your friends wishes.

Miyeon left and outfit for you before leaving your dorm to head to work. You looked over your reflection in the mirror. Miyeon definitely tried something with this outfit because you never wore these types of clothes.

You were finishing up your hair when Jinsoul unlocked your door, ready to go. “Woah...You look so good!” She jumped up and down and clapped her hands excitedly. You quickly but in your shoes and grabbed your phone before she yanked you out of the door.

This house party was definitely run by someone rich because this house was really nice. You linked arms with Jinsoul and held her hand so you wouldn’t lose her in the crowd of people. The two of you found your friend groups and stayed together with them for most of the night.

You noticed some of Mina’s friends were there as well but you didn’t see Mina. Jinsoul danced against you as you held her close laughing at her antics. Throughout the night you noticed she was watching one girl in particular, Kim Jungeun. She was in your guys’ friend group but because there’s a total of 19 girls in the group, the two of you weren’t exactly close with everyone. You know she went by Kim Lip, only allowing a few people to call her Jungeun.

“Ooo I see Lip is alone, now’s your chance go go!” You pushed Jinsoul towards the girl. Your best friend responded “no what about you I see Mina’s friends here, what if she arrives?” You pushed her further “i’ll be fine I can handle myself, just keep your phone on!” She nodded and let her hand slip out of yours, running towards Kim Lip.

You danced on a few girls and a few random dudes before getting tired of the environment. Knowing you couldn’t leave Jinsoul, you decided to walk upstairs to see if there was anything to explore. You accidentally walked in on a couple before you realized you should knock on doors before opening them.

You found a door that was open so you walked in, ready to punch of someone came at you unexpectedly. The room was large, like really large, pictures hanging on the walls, stuffed animals lining whoever’s bed it was.

However the most eye catching thing was the gigantic window that overlooked the city. You slid it open and saw there was enough room on the roof for you to safely sit. Taking in deep breaths of cool air you hugged your knees to your chest.

A knock on the shingles is what snapped you out of your trance. You expected Jinsoul but instead you saw Mina. The Japanese girl softly asked “Do you mind?” You responded coldly “no.” She smiled and walked out sitting next to you, “Id hope not, you are sitting on my roof.” You asked “so this is your place? This isn’t the same one I visited those times though.” Mina responded “rich people unnecessarily buy multiple houses.” An awkward silence fell over the two of you.

She looked at you but you stared straight ahead waiting for her to talk. Eventually you grew impatient, “I’m pretty sure you didn’t come out here to look at me, so whatever you have to say just go ahead.” She sighed then said “I’m sorry. I truly am. My friends were being stupid one day and betted me to go ask you out. Originally my intentions weren’t true and I only wanted to win. But after getting to know you...I kind of fell for you and I didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry.”

You could tell she was being genuine by the tone in her voice. You hesitated then said “I loved you Mina.” She quickly responded “I love you too.” You were quick to ruin the moment “I said loveD. Past tense. I-I don’t know if i can trust you anymore.

Mina reached for your hand and you allowed her to hold it. “Please Y/N. Give me one last chance and if I mess it up you’ll never have to even think about me. I’ll make sure my friends don’t think about doing anything. Please just one more chance. Please.” Something about seeing her like this made your heart melt and butterflies erupted in your stomach.

You gave in “Fine. One last chance. That’s it.” She smiled and finally you looked at her. Her adorable gummy smile that you once loved so much was back. She placed a hand behind your neck, with her eyes she asked you for permission. You nodded and she kissed you softly. In that moment you remembered every reason why you loved Mina before.



[kendrixtermina]

Now here's an all new theory for where the procrastination comes from

Like the uni councilors thought of like generic selfhate insecurity or like spineless ppl pleasing (nope an anime cured me of that when I was 13 - thst sounded more like what that ladys own problems might be), fear or failure & wanting to spite my father, eveb that getting ahead through "talent" was an unfair advantage bad tainted and evil, or that "talent" meant being beholden and controlled by others (definitely somewhat right - we worked on that, it helped, the second guy was defs much much more helpful & compatible cause he focussed a lot more on strategies than wannabe-maternal pep talks) but there was always something else there that wasnt getting touched

In tje end I dont think I have talent and in any case what really matters is attitude toward "living the examined life" for example whst you do. What you notice.

Now I did notice that things get harder to do precisely because I actually want them(whereas a lot of ppl get distracted from stuff because they dont really want it) - at the same time I can totally function or pick up new habits in day to day life its not like I have some "hardware problem" like, say, ADHD or the like.

Like of course its some emotional knot it couldnt be anything else but I feel they didnt identify what kind of knot? Certainly not that first lady. If im trying to get clarity and you give me reassuring pep talks you just freak me out more for the love of god tell me whats happening. Nothing worse when a Doctor says "it will be over soon" rather than explain the procedure

Fear of/ distraction from wanting itself never really occured to me thats not a common stereotypical fear that ppl talk about.

Let me get this straight I never thought I was better than anyone I knew very well that I'm not. I thought of both those things as ways not to get bullied, maybe get somewhere where I feel that im in the right place.

If I look back at really breaking experiences it was times I really really wanted something and then I couldnt do it or some outside party stepped on my fingers. That Tori Amos Music Video where she escapes from a psycho killer's trunk and then the passerby's dont help her? That was my most favorite music video in the world for years maybe still is.

Like I was told I could maybe skip third grade and I poured all my energy and passion and strenght into that everything I had to do well, make friends with the new class i was so highly motivated I aced all the exams I felt so happy & fulfilled just being in thst flow state all the time... i wanted this more than anything. Maybe it was the first time I really wanted something beyond vague dreams or base desires. But the homeroom teacher hated my guts and put the kibosh on that; Probably because I was unwittingly repeating some of the artogant classist shit my father spouts without realizing how hurtful it is. my parents thought it wasnt worth going to the higher ups for that but having to essentially redo 4th grade in a crap school in the different town we moved to was one of the worst times of my life. Also I didnt find out that the teacher had hated me/acted in a petty way until years after I thought I just failed. That there was a possible place I could have belonged but turns out I really belong nowhere after all.

All my effort was for nothing. It was such a joy - i mean these days even getting code to work or solving math problems has that same joy - but all that effort and joy and wanting did was that... im tearing up and searching for the words to even process this tbh. I think I denied that joy, told myself that I was just a stupud kid thinking I was a special snowflake. It didnt even matter.

Rather than insist on staying up late to make sure my homework was done I just stopped caring and hardly did another piece of homework in my life just faking it on the spot or coasting through. It could have gone another way maybe if it werent for the bullies and my father the chief bully or if only I was more determined but it was like "okay I dont care anymore I just dont care" and I think thats stayed my default response to dissapointment to this day.

This TV show didnt turn out like I wanted? I dont care its just a tv show.

My father treated be with hatred all my life? Its okay I dont care about him and I dont want his love anyway.

Like there were other times when I thought I could be happy.

Like I really wanted to go to this boarding school for gifted kids. Again I thought maybe incorrectly that this would be a place where I can belong and not be bullied it was never about being better than anyone.

Again I wanted it I clamored and cried and made noise nonstop. Maybe I still hadnt wholly lost contact with willpower back then. I still thought of myself as strong willed.

And my father made me regret it. It was around the same time that mom briefly considered divorce maybe I was just the stress valve. Or he took it personally as wanting to get away from him. Duh he abused me of course I wanted away from him. He was such a suffocating control freak! Mom said yes first then he spoke to her and suddenly she followed everything he said. Thats when I really realized how emotionally manipulative was how abusive... i mean one of my first conscious memories of him is thinking "oh crap I will be just like cinderella" but he really laid it on so thick so transparently even a 10 year old could tell its manipulation. If you do this you dont love your mom. If you do this you dont love your siblings. If you dont obey me your mom will kill herself. No she wont you jerk even my 2 year old self could tell youre abusive.

The most cruel thing he did was briefly say yes. Again I got so happy. So invested. Just bending all I was towards that even though he bombarded me with abuse and mental torture.

And then on the day we were supposed to leave he said no youre not going.

Maybe I actually did say I didnt want to go because of one time he was doing this constant scientology type torture on me

That same reaction: "I dont want it I dont want anything so please please let me be"

Ppl think of bad childhoods as a game that you win if yoz turn 18 -or 28 maybe - without killing yourself. But its not. Every year you live it can take away from your potential. Every day less than you have to live it

He sure didnt let me have sucess with his overcontrol and abuse. Anything I was proud of he rules. When I graduated from school with a fairly good but not perfevt final score he humiliated me. When I turned 18 he humiliated me. Everything I did was a burden even just feeding and washing me. Hed give me unwanted white elephant gifts then bitch about how giving them to me ruined his life cause he had to work so muxh "Ingrate Ingrate Ingrate" Butch I never asked for anything I want nothing!

But as I had to eat I did in fact have to ask things of him and I hated it so much.

No wonder that I turned out afraid of wanting things eh?

Hed seen some poster when we went to see tje school I wanted to go to - not by the school by an individual student - about the history of abortion portrayed in a positive way or at least that was his official reason why I couldnt go. Again I had wanted something badly with all my being and again all my being availed nothing. Irrelevant like I didnt exist. All my screaming gone unheard.

And this is so silly cause im not a child anymore I have control and if I were to stop procrastinating I could have money and gave even more control.

I havent even spoken to him in years now hes no longer relevant. Its not about him its about thus bad pattern I picked up.

I like how this books handles it with the idea that certain experiences dont create the type but that it nakes you uniquely suceotible to certain kinds of hurt or certain misunderstandings.

Because with all this discourse about bad message free media ive really come to think that while it can and should be minimized its not possible to eradicate cause human mibds are so quicl so fallible to extract overgeneralizations and make it mean something abput themselves

Like an immature statistical learning model easily overtrained by noisy data.

Another time I was nearly happy was when I started looking for work, doing my thesis...

Same pattern I was engaged, happy to be engaged talking to ppl at both work and in the uni work group loving it all so much...

my life had started to feel meaningful again. And it had gotten to that point in part because of my ex-fiance. Yes the councelling heloed taking up meditation helped, getting high on morning glory that one time helped a whole lot got more self esteem from that than I ever got from my father.

But that all started because of my ex fiance.

He was an i tellectual type and he had a sense of purpose about him like hes a legendary character and everyone around him became legendary too. And he found me useful! Others had called me "walking dictionary" with mockery and scorn he called me his google and it meant love and admiration. Maybe I got a bit of an ego trip off of tjat but I also really stupidly dumbtastically loved him I bragged of him to anyobe who listened everything he did seemed fascinating abd interesting and meaningful, but also I just loved the sweet gentle warmth of being next to him in the morning. Once again I was happy and everything was joyful even when it was hard, I felt strong and meaningful and useful and I let myself openly want things.

And then it all blew up. Worse yet i was so mistaken abozt him it really shook my confidence in my own judgement or any sense of clarity. I was si confused during the fucking breakup like I hadnt been since I left my father's house.

Google hah! More like his personal Alexa! It turns out he didnt respect or like me at all.

I couldnt even be sad or angry cause it was all my mistake. The one feeling I allowed - and even that took me weeks to identify - is dissapointment. Heavy leaden dissapointment i didnt even kniw that was a feeling you could feel so strongly. I didnt even do anything wrong you have to open yourself to have love. He could habe choosen to love me he just simply didnt. He probably thought he did but he wouldnt evebn do something as simple as not make fun of my voice or clean when I am sick.

Once he started putting me in the "wife" role he just became unable to see me. His loss really cause I think he wanted to keep me from all those annoying texts and email he had the nerve to write.

By all means I was right to trust but also right to leave later but still my sense of certainty and purpose and meaning was totally shaken. He did the sort of romantic stuff I didnt think was real. I knew I loved him when we had this conversation about water on mars. He got me the perfect books for my birthday! He said I was pretty and a genius and looked just like an actress. He got me this titanic esque heart pendant with stars. We were stuck at midnight in a train station that one time and he pulled out a picnic rug two plastic glasses and a shampain bottle. It never worked out but he said he might take me to see the LHC! I really thought we would be buried in the same hole folks!. He had read that same steven Hawkings book that I loved. One of the rather few books he actually read as I would find. Sigh.

And I fell right back into that same old pattern. Dont care about anything dont want anything it would be stuoid unrealistic and silly to want.

When I first came to uni I also had this feeling of hapiness and belongingness and wanting, I was putting in an effort, talking to ppl more.. and when things went wrong the slightest bit I pulled by hand back from that like from an open flame.

And here I am years later most the sucess or contact I get is comments on my fanfictions.

I thought I was doing that, or drawing, because its Stakes/Evaluation-free (going by the fear of failure theory) or because at least with the ffs gratification/payoff for effort is immediate compared to original stuff or uni work. Its a nice little niche at least.

I mean I do care about it its not "just" distraction but maybe ive been profaning it in that way... and so etimes I dont even do that and go for full unadulterated undebatable distraction; Line to 7 I guess. Tje only reason I spoke face to face to anyone else than the delivery guy this week is that I had some doctors appointments.

But not its distraction from stuff Im too lazy to do or even from pressure like I always thought. But from wanting things.

So the original fiction went great while it was a distraction from school not so much when its one of the things I most want and actually have the time to do it.

Even thought thats the most practiced skill I have that I never stopped working on since I was 10. 🤦‍♀️

I mean they already explained that its basically like meditation. Or weeds. Or popup ads. Youve got to click them away as they pop up.

I always told myself thst I didnt have to be happy... and thats not even untrue actually but it would sure be neat to be happy again one of these days.

[somnilogical]

what fills the abyss?

thinking of i am prepared to face god this instant:

| theres stuff people yell at the page of a book "dont give them the location of the rebel base!! even if they will kill you!! its simple utilitarianism!!"

| that when they are in a rebel story, they wont choose to do

| and its not because they have discovered that it is secretly best for the world

|| that actually this whole "choose to die so the population of the bay area will live" thing is bullshit.

||| and when faced with the situation they discover the true utilitarian calculus which says that they should live and have lots of babies.

| there is no reason written in the stars for human beings to choose to do what is best for the world

|| and many reasons why humans would not

|| most humans wont choose what is best for the world, even after "learning" about utilitarianism and tdt

|| a small minority of humans will choose closer to what is best for the world, even before "learning" about utilitarianism and tdt

||| this is historically observable, and in my experience their choices are not a fluke. they will generally make altruistic choices again and again. they will go back in time and do it over again.

||| the spectra of human responses to social reality telling them to hurt others show up in things like replications of the milgram experiment.

| between what people will yell at a hero to do and what they choose to do, there is a gap.

|| in a lot of people the gap is filled with excuses for why they chose what they chose.

||| things like "i am just fundamentally addicted to having babies, so to be altruistic i have to have them or i cant work" or "i need to have sex with young women so i can keep my confidence up and then later be super altruistic".

|||| two sides of the same coin, breeding.

| when i came to the bay area i was really confused why people would say things like "if you think the odds look too grim enjoy the time you have left" at winter solstice. or "smart people having babies is actually a galaxy brain way to save the world, the babies will save the world. you know, the baby army."

|| in a world in which the tradition and narrative by the majority of humans wasnt such that "have babies" was just a set thing you did. saying you are altruistic and then diverting your life path to spend an intense amount of time and energy and money on one particular human because they are genetically related to you, would seem like it would need justification.

||| similarly "oh i work at google" (which is one of the main machines powering the present omnicide.) in a sane world would elicit hushed whispers about how you are planning to sabatoge them without being captured by the system.

|||| like if you were working for a nazi munitions factory during world war II. instead of this world in which its something you just do, you know its a job. lots of nice smiling people work there and you have to feed your family.

|| and when i suggest that deleting genetic favourtism, so that no one could tell who they were genetically related to, would make the world a better place; people protested against this.

||| i wrote:

<<if humans were born into a world where they would rather die than see someone with blue hair harmed, or treated people with red hair as if they were as valuable as rocks, the world would be better off if the module that switched around personhood / moral relevance sensors depending on hair colour were turned off

being faceblind wrt 'who is my genetic relative?' seems like a similar gain in utility.

or if losing something sounds dismal, you could do a similar operation of turning on your 'this is a genetic relative' tagger for everyone. that might feel more warm of a thing to do?

this would free up so much energy and its super obvious that it would and i dont understand why people would be against it except for corrigibility issues. like "oh no if i dont think blues are special then blues might end up getting less resources and that would be terrible because blues are special to me!! i want them to have all the resources. also? it would make people want to give more resources to reds? ew. whats the point, its such a waste."

O humans, i think 'remove genetic discrimination y/n?' has a pretty straightforward answer!!!

id give everyone a button to do this. (i wouldnt give everyone a button that was like 'PRESS THIS BUTTON TO DIE INSTANTLY' even if it was keyed such that only the person targeted could press it. i would oppose someone who tried to give everyone such a button.)>>

||| sexual reproduction in the year 1200 would still happen because to not reproduce would be to doom humanity to extinction. but it would look a lot different than it does now, and the ways humans would make choices would be a lot different.

|| until i worked out that all of these were excuses constructed to fill in the gap between what someone would yell at a True Hero and what they would choose to do themselves.

--

in a world like this, their are attempts at every level to bury what someone running utilitarianism and altruism on their brains looks like. by the majority of humans who want to have something like "im def altruistic i swear i can prove it by all these metrics ppl around me has agreed mean that im working for the good of the world. im also totes addicted to babiez. *peace sign*"

when i say this sort of stuff people react like im trying to set up a norm where people are socially ostricisized. but like how would that work when social is overwhelmingly made up of people who made this exact choice?

im talking with humans who are aberrations from those who choose to be what the majority coercively designates to be "human".

i dont think everyone who chooses to not have babies has a neurotype such that they wouldnt zap someone in the milgram or be able to die rather than reveal the location of the rebel base. i dont even think its a particularly good indicator. i think both are indications of choosing not to work for the good of the world in a way sufficient for the doom our planet faces.

--

this is just one example, i focus on the babs side of the coin cuz for some reason "i need nubile fems to power mah komodo mojo to enter ultra altruism mode!!! >:DDD". has been locally socially cached as not actually sincere. and seems to actually have worse externalities in terms of sexual assault. though it not seeming credible might be because very few of the humans i talk with are normie cismasc. im not sure the extent to which people like katie cohen exist.

there are a lot of other instances of the gap, like "if you were a true altruist, you would optimize for welfare across all sections of the multiverse including here and now. why not "enjoy life"? you are a person too and it is good if you are happy. this is just how humans work." whenever people say this to me i got really confused because "enjoy life" as some sort of atomic thing abstracted from broader meaning of the arc of your lifes optimization doesnt really make sense to me.

what things mean matters to me, a similar mental glitch i think happens when people declare that there are "good things" and smile over "cute gifs of animals" like if i had saved an animal from being killed as an instrumental part of my optimization for bringing about a new multiversal order then i could feel happy. it matters what stuff is upstream of things cutting this structure off in order to try and make an action set existentially safe to do, to have a social contract where no one can punish you for doing something no matter what is upstream of it, is moving in a wrong direction.

often done by someone who wants to give people some sort of modular mitzvah thing that its definitely safe to perform and bring the world closer to dath ilan in a decentralized summoning ritual. a complementary error way to gum up peoples epistemics about what is just is to unboundedly keep insisting that there is more structure and nuance upstream of what they are doing that justifies (makes just) what they are doing. like how ▘▕▜▋ kept insisting that there was more nuance and reasons why beating emma with a stick was actually helpful to the world. if you just look at everything thats upstream.

both these strategies try to move the social equilibrium away from justice.

see what is upstream of stuff, search to find if the person seeking to kill a human is avenging the deaths of three others, fulfilling a timeless contract to save lives. look at who started it and who is optimizing for good ends.

[pamphletstoinspire]

The Death Penalty and the Myth of Closure

Many argue that the death penalty can help survivors move on with their lives. However, this counselor writes that true healing can happen only when we learn to "walk with the pain."

The death penalty has been with us for millennia. If you take the time to read the Old Testament, you will find that the death penalty was widely accepted. We find in the words of Exodus the justification invoked to this day to defend the use of executions: “You shall give life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, stripe for stripe” (21:23–25).

This is known as Mosaic law and is an integral part of our legal system. And yet Jesus came to challenge it: “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, offer no resistance to one who is evil. When someone strikes you on [your] right cheek, turn the other one to him as well” (Mt 5:38–39).

What a truly radical notion! In the Old Testament, one sees that violence was a way of life, and execution was a primary tool for meting out justice. But Jesus sweeps that all away.

As with many things Jesus said, excuses have been made and qualifiers added: Love your enemy . . . except when he is a murderer. Then you are justified to kill him, a conclusion that sounds very much like Mosaic law.

Desire for Vengeance Is Real

On the other hand, even if we accept Jesus’ teaching, turning the other cheek is not that simple. I can’t simply say, “Well, Patterson, you claim to be a Christian, so you must love your enemy and oppose the death penalty.” I also understand the desire for vengeance.

Some years ago when I was an Army psychologist, I was tasked with evaluating a man arrested for beating his 3-month-old stepdaughter within an inch of her life on Christmas Eve. It had already been determined that the child suffered irreversible brain damage. As I was interviewing the man, I received a call from the pediatric ICU informing me she had also been blinded. I hung up and told this man that news. He shrugged his shoulders and said, “Oh, well.”

In that moment, I wanted to jump across my desk, grab him by the throat, and beat him within an inch of his life! As I think about him almost 40 years later, I have the same feeling. I am not proud of that, but it also helps me to be sensitive to the feelings of survivors when it comes to discussions of the death penalty. It reminds me to be sensitive to survivors’ need for justice and, possibly, vengeance.

Many justifications for executions set aside the language of Mosaic law and focus on possible benefits for the surviving family. One doesn’t so much hear the word vengeance in such discussions, but one does hear the word closure. A common justification for the death penalty is that it provides closure for the family.

When Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev was sentenced to death, the mayor of Boston expressed the hope that “this verdict provides a small amount of closure.” Similarly, when the decision was made to allow survivors of the Oklahoma City bombing to witness the execution of Timothy McVeigh, Attorney General John Ashcroft stated that he hoped the execution would help survivors “meet their need to close this chapter in their lives.”

Whether executions provide closure depends on what we mean by that word. For most of us, closure implies a completion or conclusion. When a corporation announces store closures, that means those stores are no longer operational. So, in discussing the process of grief and trauma, closure would seem to imply a conclusion—the suggestion that there is an end point to grieving.

This expectation of closure is sometimes supported within a person’s social network. At this time, I am counseling several parents of children who committed suicide. All have commented on encountering, either directly or indirectly, the message “Aren’t you over it by now?”

Think for a moment of the people in your life you have lost. Are you no longer grieving? If I think of loved ones who are gone, I become aware that I may be grieving those losses for the rest of my days. My grief may not be as intense as it was at the time of the loss. But reminders of someone’s absence in my life help me see that grief goes on, that there is no closure in the sense of conclusion to my grief. There’s no point at which I dust myself off and say, “OK, I’m done missing that person.”

The Myth of Closure

In her book Closure: The Rush to End Grief and What It Costs Us, Professor Nancy Berns makes the compelling argument that the concept of closure has emerged within a political context to justify the death penalty and as a “made-up concept: a frame used to explain how we respond to loss.” It has become such a common word in discussions about grief that people assume it exists and is within their reach. In fact, its prevalence reflects the hope we all have that we can heal from the devastation of tragedy and trauma.

For some, closure means the conclusion to a very public process of crime, arrest, trial, and multiple appeals. Anecdotal evidence suggests that indeed the execution provides that sense of closure. But the word closure also implies healing and completion. Evidence suggests that not only does the death penalty not facilitate healing but, in fact, may interfere with it.

In his 2007 study of families of murder victims, Scott Velum found that only 2.5 percent indicated a strong sense of closure resulted from the execution of the murderer. A study published in the Marquette Law Review compared survivors’ reactions in Minnesota and Texas. Killers in Minnesota were sentenced to life imprisonment, an outcome that was experienced as satisfying by survivors. Texas survivors were less satisfied by death penalty verdicts, in large part because of the prolonged appeals process.

As Bill and Denise Richards, parents of a 9-year-old boy killed in the Boston Marathon bombings, wrote in the Boston Globe, asking that the government not seek the death penalty, “The continued pursuit of that punishment could bring years of appeals and prolong the most painful day of our lives.”

Jody Madeira worked with and studied survivors of the Oklahoma City bombings. In her book Killing McVeigh: The Death Penalty and the Myth of Closure, she noted that Timothy McVeigh’s execution did not provide the kind of closure some survivors may have hoped for. As one survivor noted, “There won’t be closure till I am dead.”

The Path to Healing

Are survivors then simply left in anguish, or is some form of healing possible? Perhaps rather than talking about closure, we should be talking about healing.

Sociologist Loren Toussaint suggests that healing is possible through the process of forgiveness. Madeira agrees that forgiveness can help but argues that it is not the only path to healing. This is a delicate topic that must be approached carefully and without judgment. Forgiveness can indeed help survivors heal, but it isn’t that simple. Forgiveness is a process, one that can last a lifetime.

First, let’s be clear on what forgiveness isn’t. Forgiveness does not mean condoning—a distinction relevant to people dealing with someone on death row. Forgiveness does not minimize what was done. The bombings in Boston will never be acceptable. The 9/11 attacks can never be dismissed in terms of the personal trauma. The murder of a loved one will never be OK. After all, the God of my understanding is indeed a God of mercy, but also a God of justice.

Then there is the common phrase forgive and forget. Not only is that often not possible, but in some cases it’s not a good idea. If someone has assaulted me, I may need to forgive that person, but it may not be a good idea for me to invite him or her over for dinner. That person may have no remorse and might assault me again.

The first step in forgiving is making the decision to forgive. The important thing to realize in making this decision is that the person who will benefit most from forgiving is the forgiver. Forgiving frees the forgiver from all the negative venom of hatred and resentment. Essentially, to forgive is to reclaim power from the forgiven. Professor Madeira quotes Oklahoma City bombing survivor Bud Welch as saying about forgiving Timothy McVeigh: “I was the one that got relief from all this pain . . . and it wasn’t about McVeigh.”

Sometimes we confuse forgiveness with reconnecting with someone in a loving way. That reconnecting is a decision that I may make after I have forgiven. I also have the option of not having the offender in my life. In other words, to forgive doesn’t necessarily mean to reconcile with someone.

To forgive means I also have to face all my rage and anger, all my thoughts of vengeance. We can’t sidestep the emotions. I have sat with some people who experienced tragedy or trauma and afterwards stated, rather flatly, “I’ve forgiven that person,” without any acknowledgment of the pain inflicted by that person. This to me is an intellectual exercise, not an experience of true forgiveness.

Learning to Walk with the Pain

In exploring alternatives to the prevalent concept of closure, we also need to broaden our understanding of grief. The concept of closure may have its roots in Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’ famous five stages of dying. That theory has been broadened to include grief. The fifth stage is acceptance. Like closure, this notion has many meanings.

What does it mean to accept the death of a loved one? Again, some kind of finality is suggested, a sort of conclusion to the grieving. I have sat with persons who judged themselves because they did not feel they were finished grieving. Others had well-meaning friends and relatives suggest they should be “over it by now” or that they hadn’t “accepted” the death because they were still grieving.

Over the years I have dealt with many people who came to see me because someone else was concerned about them or, more often, because they themselves questioned whether they were grieving correctly.

I recall one beautiful woman who came to see me after the death of her husband of 50-plus years. She was concerned whether she was grieving correctly. She stated that well-meaning friends had given her a stack of books on grieving. Not wanting to disappoint anyone, she read them all. When I asked what she thought after all that reading, she told me: “I’m completely confused. They contradict one another.”

So what did I do? I gave her a book to read! Only it wasn’t an edition of Grieving for Dummies. It was C.S. Lewis’ A Grief Observed, his journal written the first year after the death of his beloved wife, Joy. The book has no easy answers, and, at its conclusion, it is clear that Lewis will continue to grieve. There is no nice, clean ending. No closure. Only Lewis trying to learn to walk with the pain.

In dealing with losses in my own life, what works for me is to view grieving as a process of learning to walk with the pain. This suggests that, because of a particular loss, my life is changed forever. I am challenged to find a way to move forward living my life as well as possible while at the same time carrying the loss. This is especially true for those who’ve lost a loved one through some criminal act, be it murder or terrorism.

To learn to walk with the pain has several facets. One is to make the decision not to let the trauma define the loved one’s life. It is to affirm that I will not be known as the parent of that girl or boy who was murdered. Rather, I will be known as the parent of a child who touched lives in a beautiful way before leaving life much too soon.

Another facet of walking with the pain is to facilitate the loved one’s legacy. Such legacies may take the form of charitable donations or even the establishment of a charity. Others might establish a scholarship fund. Some get tattoos or plant trees. Such actions don’t make pain go away, but they create a legacy that has some meaning.

For me, acceptance means acknowledging that life is now different, and that I will be walking with this pain until I meet my loved one again in a better place. That may be the only real closure.

By Richard B. Patterson, PhD

[robobee]

thoughts on SP Resurrection

disclaimer: you’ve seen this before. but i’m doing it anyway, just putting out my opinion of the new book out there. i’ll refer to it as spx, though, because its easier. i’ll divide it by non-spoilery, then spoilery.  // content is ALL up for discussion, thru IM/ask/reblog. lots of questions below, and answers are appreciated. // almost a review but not rlly 

the plot was..,, confusing. muddled, tbh. there was a lot going on but it didnt really mesh very well. it didnt pull you in so much as make you feel that you were suddenly in the middle of the action but had no idea what was going on. basically a marvel fight scene, with all the jump cuts. messy.

the omen darkly thing was pretty well done, i’d say. but omen is a.. little too lucky character. he could be a damned leprechaun with all the coincidences. that said, i love him anyway

some twists were really unexpected, but others were somewhat predictable** 

spx focuses on valkyrie’s character a lot but it doesnt really commit. we know what she’s going to do, we know what’s going to happen. i believe derek landy is skilled enough to have better plotlines, it’s just.. alright i guess

a lot of new information is heaped on like ‘oh whoops that was it all along hahaha’ in a way very similar to that one post where its said that “JK Rowling announced that dumbledore rollerbladed everywhere. but it wasn’t mentioned bc it wasnt relevant to harry’s journey”. 

a lot is left unexplained, and just.. it doesnt make you curious it just makes you slightly mad

the american president is absolutely Tonald Drump. but again, its just jarring and a little like ‘why is this here’ bc theres no clear impact and too many pages devoted to it. like i get it’s setup but its almost just boring.

we dont really get clear info on what happened to most of the characters after the events of tdotl? i get you want mystery, but there was a lack of closure

spoilers below(i’ll keep it short lmao) (lmao so i lied its kinda long)

in random order:

**- the Tipstaff Twist(TM) was absolutely unexpected and i legit gasped. but uh,, another administraitor?? getting old.  but.. he’s prev. been a clear ally and against erskine ravel? erskine held the same views about Mortals, so why didn’t Tipstaff ally with him? - the ‘lethe is savant’ thing i predicted, but only a few pages before it was revealed so props to derek anyways.  - ‘skulduggery will OVERCOME!!’ yeah. we knew.  - ‘will valKYRIE RETURN??’ yea

the Chancellor China thing was very intriguing but, again, confusing. should we be on china’s side or against her or just wary of her?

 the Nihilist Squad 2.0 was a little... almost, almost unnecessary, given how it ends with them not really being arrested or even mentioned. thats a little,, ‘um what’. what happens to nero? he was injured, and didnt clearly leave the scene so ???

fletcher !!!  

his presence was random, his entrance very clearly a deus ex-machina and there’s a gaping lack of info on a lot of stuff: - how did fletcher telep. into meloir’s house? doesn’t he have to have been there? what tf was fletcher doing there beforehand -how did he even know that val/skul needed help

fletcher immediately got Stabbed On Arrival(TM), which is a big mood, but still, landy very clearly just wanted him away to create difficulties. but gone w/o even a single line.. too clear

his character is like a bland slice of stale toast wtf - he literally has like barely 3 lines but,,still,,;; no personality  

where was he for the last half of the book - its clearly said he’ll be fine in a couple days, and are you seriously telling me Mage Healing can’t fix him quicker? A FUCKING STAB WOUND IS AN ISSUE??

um are you telling me that little nero punk is better than a natural teleporter who’s had years of practice 

HOW ARE THERE SO MANY TELEPORTERS??? wasn’t it a major plot device how fletcher was the ONLY teleporter? and shunters cant travel to different dimensions? thats teleporters, shunters go to alternate realities. but eh its derek he’s using the Author Power i guess

evil!skul... um... ok?? sudden, not that well written, just a bit.. meh

abyssinia. sudden, weird, just concerning. somebody else said this, but what the fck??? vile had a girlfriend???? um??

the darquesse thing was interesting, i’ll give it that much but also really confusing tbh

how are the rules imposed in corrival academy? can they stop students from leaving - wont that be a violation of some bill of rights

a lot of set up but no resolution. i get it, first book in a series but its planting TOO many seeds

auger was.. a good concept but weird. it honestly felt like part of the book was cut out, at least to me

> never was great! loved the representation and how literally nobody was even remotely concerned, they just fine ‘aight’ and that was super refreshing. an indian person is mentioned, and temper fray is very sudden but a good character. but it’s almost like we’re instantly expected to know this character but we’re not. there’s not really much intro on him which is :/

still, good to see poc inclusion 

+ thats it for now + i JUST finished spx and.. um i might have already forgotten it + cant think of more stuff rn. 

+ i’ll probs reread it and update though

[blythewonder]

Clearing the Smoke || Bridget, Brett, and Roger [chatzy]

Further investigation into the smoke monster leads to discoveries.

This mysterious ghost-but-not-actually-g​host-black-smoke-thing was a mess of a creature. ​Bridget​ paced around outside of Roger's office door. She was going to be of help, again. Even though she still hadn't totally figured out why Ashkent was a magical hub, she'd done enough research throughout her year and a bit of living here that gave her some knowledge to at least ​talk​ about the issues at hand. So, with another deep breath and a pressing down on the skirt of her dress, she walked up to the door of Roger's office and gave it a sharp knock. "I'm here, as requested!" She called out. "Can I come in?"

Roger looked up from the many tomes in front of him, struggling. This was the one thing he couldn't fake. He simply wasn't familiar with the texts in this place, the system, anything. He had no idea where even to begin looking, and just brute forcing it wasn't going to work in a building with over a million books and even more scrolls, letters, randomly assorted files. Their database needed serious upgrading, too, even with the digitisation that was in process, it just didn't have any answers. The closest he'd come was a Brollochan, which was scary as shit, but it didn't have the glowing white eyes he was looking for, nor the shadows of claws and teeth. "Of course, Blythe, come in." At least it made sense that, theoretically, Roger Hawthorne couldn't possibly know everything there was to know. It just wasn't feasible. "Given the descriptions we've gotten, it's rather hard to pinpoint. I've gathered these texts I think may be relevant." He gestured at the pile as tall as him that covered everything.

Bridget opened the door and came in, making her way over to Roger's desk. "Well," she chirped, peering to see what the book on the top of the stack, "that's quite the number of relevant texts. Ha." She bit her lip. "It also doesn't seem to be targeting any specific type of individual, far as I know. But I don't think it's like that dreamscape I ended up in many months ago. One, there was no specific creature that lead to that ordeal, and two, we're not in the gosh darn Herculean Labours any longer. The eyes are the part that's stumping me the most, if I'm to be honest. But it's not the eyes that cause the -- whatever's going on -- the creature seems to have to touch the individuals for something to happen."

A creature made of smoke. Certainly something to get the mind rolling. Part of ​Brett​ wondered whether it was linked to the disappearing and switching towns. Could it be something form that other town that had found it's way into theirs? It was certainly not too far removed to be the case. With Roger personally messaging him, something that had been quite out of the ordinary as normally Brett was the one messaging him first, he decided it might be wise to actually figure this out with Roger. He certainly would be the most qualified in this building to help him out. With his folder tucked under one arm of all the research he had on Ashford River, he made his way to the door and was just about to knock when he found the door already open and with Bridget in there. Oh, maybe this wasn't such a good idea. He took a deep breath and stepped into the doorway, catching the end of her sentence. "Maybe it's feeding on something then." He shut the door behind him. "I'm really sorry but the door was open..."

Roger nodded, his eyes quickly flicking to the door as another figure stepped in. He waved Brett's apology away, unconcerned. Whatever bigotry Hawthorne held towards Tharp was mostly unfounded and entirely irrelevant to the situation. "Feeding on what? Confusion, perhaps? I considered Brain Biters briefly, but I haven't heard of any mentions of anyone losing their memories, only gaining them." He looked back to Bridget. "I agree. It does, but it's hardly an attack. We also need to consider that this is not something we have in our records because it may be from Ashford."

"Also Brain Biters don't look like what those I've talked do have described." ​Bridget​ chimed in, glancing over to Brett. "Unless there's a breed of them that can turn into black smoke." She rubbed her fingers against the bridge of her nose. "They could be feeding on confusion, concern, worry... or something else entirely, should that be the case." She bit her lip. "It's quite possible that it could be from Ashford, but it also could easily be from here and using the confusion all of us seem to be experiencing about Ashford to take the time to arrive and do what it's doing, now." She gave a shrug. "Someone who I talked to about it was very explicit about how what they saw couldn't have been real, so I doubt it's causing some sort of 'wish-to-have-beens' or whatever. It seems wholly separate from that. Especially since it's not all sunshine and perfection."

Brett moved over to the desk, peering at the books on there before he sat his folder down. "Then maybe it's memories, but not... exactly their memories," Brett mused, taking some of the photos out of his folder. "Ashford River and Ashkent Creek have been changing places, right? So, these memories, what if they are memories from the other town? If this creature has come from Ashford, then what if it's giving memories of this other town? What was the exact memories this person you spoke to was having? If buildings can switch, surely memories could too? Maybe I'm thinking too much into this... but it could be this."

"Obviously, but it isn't unheard of for the magically inclined to cast glamours on creatures in order to cause chaos." ​Roger​ said thoughtfully, flicking through the book in front of him. Thank fuck for the image to text ratio, it was so much easier to flick through if he didn't have to read the description. He listened to their deductions, sticking to his completely in character lie that he wasn't experiencing this. The guy had literally lied about being on the verge of death to his colleagues. "Possibly. It could be more than memories. Has anyone reported any changes in personality?" It was definitely one of his nagging concerns. "There isn't any simple creature in our bestiary that can traverse dimensions in that way. Not to mention, we've had one report of someone from Ashford River experiencing this too, and while the buildings have gone to Ashford, nothing has come back."

"Yes of course." ​Bridget​ said, breezing through her comment. "But still, seems doubtful. There's no memory-swapping going on, just getting memories that aren't their own." She fiddled with her necklace (the one benefit of the pageant she'd sooner forget), and looked between the two of them. "No, not as far as I can tell." She took a few more steps forward and picked up one of the books from the pile. "Yes, there doesn't seem to be an exchange of buildings. They go and are gone forever, or show up and don't seem to have any hope of switching back to what used to be." She turned to Brett. "It's not my place to disclose the exact memories, privacy and all, but they were remembering a different family structure than they can have here, and behaviors that are highly uncharacteristic of how they normally act."

"But they were having memories of themselves? Memories that aren't theirs but... are of them." ​Brett​ frowned, reaching for his notebook and starting to jot down notes. "It could well be some sort of glamour but I don't know. It depends on whether the being is purposely doing it or accidentally as well. It could be a side effect, not the actual cause of what's happening." He made sure to note down everything that had been said so far by them all. "It sounds like the two towns are blending then. Not switching, but blending. As in, what's happening is permanent. Which could be a spell." He bit down on the end of his pen, tugging at his hair. "What if this being is giving memories of the person they are in the other town? Their 'what if' selves?"

Roger listened to the two theorizing wordlessly, waiting for them to catch up. It wasn’t their fault they were from Ashkent, they didn’t have any inside experience, so didn’t realise how very disorientating finding yourself in another universe was. "I would disagree, we can't establish that anything is permanent yet. The Horrors were reversible. That said..." He drummed his fingers on his desk. "We've been looking at creatures. This creature could indeed be a spell." But at least it seemed they didn’t think people were changing. Roger wasnt ready to be a boring old sod yet.

"It might be reversible but, I dunno, it could still be some other self." It would make sense, at least somewhat. Why Effie saw some sort of creature neither she nor Bridget could place. Why there wasn't a wholly clear sort of logic to it all. "So a creature that's the side-effect or intended-effect of a spell, you mean?" She bit her lip. She could message Cece about it, should such a thing be needed. She knew a witch now, a real and proper one! But now wasn't the time to offer that up. "I don't know if this is the case for everyone, but some of the visions, or memories, or what-have-yous folks have been experiencing seem, shall we say, less than ideal. As I said, not something they'd dream up for themselves, at least not in full."

"That we haven't thought about..." It could be the side-effect of a spell certainly. Magic tended to leave a trace and what if that's what this was? "If this is a spell, then the being, whatever it is, could potentially be the lesser of two evils, as it were. If this is from a spell, someone must have done the spell to create it, and if that's the case, is it even possible to undo what has been done if the spell is in Ashford?" He tugged on his hair a little more. "Maybe we need to look at spells more, not creatures. Spells that can create something out of nothing maybe? Do we know if the memories can be stopped too? If they can, then that might help us figure out this being."

Roger nodded at Bridget's assertion, closing the book in front of him and reaching for a nearby theory of magic book. These got agonisingly technical, with spinning diagrams - bubble diagrams? - that he'd once seen in the physics books that he'd stumbled across in Cincinatti. "I have no doubt that the memories are memories, just concerned that it may not be the only thing spilling over." He looked at Brett and nodded there too. "The spell is leaking over, and it's still possible that these are the consequences we were warned of last summer. It may well be reversible. But this creature is new, so something has changed." He started flicking through the new text, gesturing at where the other two could find others. "I haven't heard of anyone who specialises in mental magic successfully undoing the memories, but I wouldn't discredit the possibility."

Bridget gave a nod. "It's a fair concern, I agree." She bit her lip. "I -- so if there's alternate places and possible alternate selves, like Brett said, does that make Ashford on another plane of existence or...?" She trailed off, shaking her head, before giving an involuntary cough at mental magic. Flashbacks to that gosh darn pageant that wouldn't let go. She had half a mind to pull the 'Don't you know Bruce? Can't he do something?' card, but now wasn't the time for bringing up times when she'd felt unsafe or uncomfortable, not if they wanted to solve this. "The memories seemed to only start with the arrival of this being, so maybe if we get rid of it, they'll go away? I'm not sure if they're permanent or not."

"So far, we don't know of anyone changing personalities but that could in theory be the next stage of whatever is happening now. As silly as it may seem, it might be wise to see if we can find it, at least so we can get a clearer picture of what we are dealing with." Not the brightest idea when it came to supernatural beings, but if they knew exactly what it looked like, it might be easier to identify. "Ashford could be an alternative dimension. A divergence of a path the town once took." He reached for one of the books, flicking through. "So the spell may have been newly performed then so it could be someone who's in Ashkent right now. That at least might help us find the source and yes, maybe if the being left, it would help stop the memories developing at the very least."

Neither of them could see it, but ​Dodge​ was cackling on the inside, listening to them speculating about his own very existence. He kept the face of studious curiosity. "Mirror dimensions. We have evidence of dimensions that are completely unlike our on, but the theory of universes that are this similar has never been supported by such compelling evidence as now." It was the one thing outside of himself that Roger had researched so studiously, looking for loophole after loophole. "I suggest that we focus our intentions on the being for now, though, it being the immediate threat."

Bridget couldn't help but grin. Well, at least they both seemed to support some of her ideas. Which wasn't totally abnormal, she was able to get some to listen to her when she didn't talk about her particular area of expertise, but it was still nice. "Yup. Plus, what with other towns that follow the pattern of our own existing, having a semi-replica of our own town existing in some parallel or pseudo-parallel world doesn't seem to far off." She dropped the book she'd been paging through on Roger's desk. "Perhaps in researching the being we'll find out more about Ashford and perhaps why it has started to bleed into Ashkent."

"Certainly." ​Brett​ agreed with Roger on that. They had to focus on the memory changer first and then they could focus on Ashkent and Ashford. It could be that they end up with them ending up in Ashford before they got a chance to figure this all out so the sooner, the better. "Does it seem to be going after certain people or is at complete random? Is there any pattern? If there's a pattern, that could help too."

Bridget truly was one for attention. Perhaps not the fierce red head Marley had known, but she seemed thrilled just by their agreements. He was almost worried for her in getting close to Marley, she was far too easy to manipulate. "Exactly, that would be my hope." Every day it felt like the possibility of getting back was growing slimmer, but he could hardly dwell on that now. "It seems to be completely random so far. Hopefully we'll find-" He paused, as the page he turned on seemed obvious. "What about this? It should have hit me sooner." He turned the book to them. Thaumogenesis.

"Well, we'll just have to wait and see, won't we?" ​Bridget​ chirped. "But yeah-huh, it's my hope too." She pursed her lips as Roger continued to talk, rising up on her tippie-toes as he turned the book over to them. "Oh!" She practically yelped, before sucking in a breath of air. "A being created as a by-product of a spell. Side-effect, right?" She glanced at the page Roger had opened to, skimming over the words as quickly as she could. "You think this is our thing?"

Brett stared down at the book that Roger showed to them, reading over the information. Oh, if it was going to be anything, that seemed to be it. "I think that could very likely be what we're looking for. Now, we just need to figure out a way of getting it to stop affecting people, or, reverse the spell..." He reached for his notebook, writing down the details. "That definitely seems like it could be it..."

Roger smirked, proud of himself. He could bullshit the research after all. "Black, white eyed, and it would make sense that a spell of this magnitude would result in something like this, and it certainly explains the effects." ​Blood exploded from the man's entire body, coating him and Cecelia in blood from head to toe. Sanguinode, he knew it.​ Roger clenched his teeth, but otherwise gave no recognition to that vividly gruesome memory. He spun the book back towards him, curiously. "We'll need to look elsewhere for that, there are no details of how to stop it in here." Just one sentence caught his eye. Destroying it may undo the spell. Dodge couldn't help the quirk of his lips at that. He might go home.

"Yes, that does indeed explain the effects." ​Bridget​ gave a nod. She watched Roger carefully, as he briefly clenched his teeth. But it was probably nothing, or nothing more than general worry about fixing the town. "Okay. I'm down for trying to figure that out, if you'd like. We'll work this out in no time, I'm sure!"

Brett watched him a little curiously. Things were odd about Roger recently, especially the fact he had actively contacted him and was taking on board his advice. He hadn't been mean to him once or forceful. It was strange. But, he'd worry about that later. He nodded in agreement with Bridget, picking up his folder. "We'll figure this all out."

[rstglobalite]

An unexpected bahrain trip

How you gonna ferl guys if you get a trip to somewhere which you were about ro book but then somehow cancelled it and still you get it without doing a anything ?? It eould be great isn't it guys ?? Same thing happened with me yesterday i was planning for my trip to india so was just checking on flight but everytime i go and try to book eitjer the flight got booked slready or the prices rises abruptly. I was facing this from past 3days and my trip got delayed every single day. So this time i thought and made my mind that no mayter what it os i will go today itself so started searching everywhere to get the best deals. Abd luckily got few and the best part was they were connecting flights . For me i guess the layovers are the best way to explore a new city in short span of time atleast one can get an inside story of that city by seeing by himself rather thsn going on the internet saga. So i got few connecting flights from dubai to hyderabad with layovers in mumbai, delhi , ahemdabad. But these were all within india and i eas searching for some abroad destinations. I was running out of time and for a second thought of dropping my idea of connectng flights and switching to direct flights. But we know when we genuinely want someyhing our heart doesnt let us stop searching and doing that particular thing so finally i got a flight with layover in bahrain. I have been in dubai only among the GCC Countries so planned to book that and may be i can get some time to see the beautiful city. So inspite of booking the flights first i started searching for places to visit in bahrain and more about the countey and no doubt i found it beautiful. So i started searching for the visa how can i apply and started planning to stay there for 24 hr before i miss mt flight . But things were not working out my way so i dropped the plan of going and simply booked the same flight. Next day i got ready as i had a flight to catch meanwhile there was this thing going in my head that ok i will try to stay and visit the place but my mind was denying that no you dont have time it's just 6 hrs layovers in this flight and wont be able to make it. With this thought in my mind i headed towards dubai airport went through immigration and all other stuff and finally boarded my flight to bahrain. Well the view from flight was so mesmerizing that i wasnt able to stop myself going there but i had made my mind that someother time i will visit. Headed forward and withing 45 minutes i reached my destination. I was very excited and couldnt stop my feets going to immigration i went twice the half way and came back every single time. I did this going round and round inside the airport terminal for almost 4 hours and finally they annonced that they are going to start the boarding for the hyderabad flight. So at the time i was like ok now its not in my hand anymore and may be this isnt my time to visit the place and just started with the boarding . People started getting in the queue and i knew that now i have to go and no chance so with my pasdport and luggage i just sat next to the line queued for boarding and thought of going in the end to end this hustle of standing in the queue. Finally i went for my turn , n it was just 20 mins left for the flight to take off so i headed to the boarding and what i got surprised and shicked me. They didn't let me in and this is transfer case you need to go and check downstairs. I was confused what is this happening arent they going to take me and i will miss my flight so i just ran and folliwed the airlines guy i asked him what is it where are we going . I mean i was thinking i planned to stay yesterday but not this way not at the airpoet. And he said dont worry you gonna get the next flight in night . So am i supposed to be at the airport whole day noo i cant i was thinking god i wanted you to make a way for me but not like this with all this assumptions i went downstairs and saw i wasnt the only one there were total 15 people who were going through the same. They were fighting with the airlines that they paid huge bucks and they are doing this way. For me it was quite funny and shocking , we were still in shock that are we going to sit for another12 hours at the airport and this way through a window seeing take off and landing am i going to see bahrain. So people were trying to convince them to let them go but gulf air didnt allowed so i thought in my mind ok lets go for it now . I cancelled it yesterday but now no i sm not going to cancel it so i went first and told them to issue me ticket for next day and they did . Peiple were still arguing and i was just waiting for my call to get out of the airport and was thinking of the way how can i do it and where to go ehere to stay and other relevant things. It took around 20 mins for that lady to issue that in midst of those heated arguements. And finally i got my ticket and along with thatshe handed over a free hotel stay in bahrain. I ran towards the immigration got my passport stamped for bahrain and finally i was outside . I didnt expected this to happen i lost all my hopes and didnt thought this will come this way . But we all know destiny has its own way of unfolding things and it did it in his own way. So i headed outside and was waoring for the driver to puck me up then only one of the gulf air employee came and handed over another compensation of 300 dollar voucher for this missed flight because of them. I was just glad it was lk hod was giving me eid gift to visit this beautiful city in ramadan abd finally i went and stayed in al safar hotel and headed outside to visit the beautiful city in the nearby corners. This was the most unexpected trip that has happened with me and all thanks to that missed flight and gulf air aorlines for making this happen and letting me add one more destination in my visited list.

[shoecartel]

The 12 best memes of 2015: Runaway llamas, The Dress, Adele …

The internet in 2015 has given us a lot of giggles a vigil to a raccoon, Drake playing tennis and the duck army but which memes construct our cut of the best?

12. What are thooooose!

A police officer. A cheeky dude( Brandon Moore) hollering what are thooose ? at the officers functional, ugly footwear. Millions of loops and views and copycats afterwards, a meme is born. The first urban dictionary entry for the phrase and practice appeared in 2011, but it was 2015 when the sport of pointing at some awful shoes( preferably Crocs) and shouting what are those ?!! entered the mainstream. The best example is the wonderful take on the Jurassic Park theme tune( see below, 50 million Vine loops so far ), which I like because its less mean-spirited than real life instances. In fact, “the mens” who started the whole thing back in the summer seems kind of rude and is now in jail. Um.

11. Duck Army

It stormed collective internet consciousness in early September. Norwegian Kevin Synnes decided to embarrass his girlfriend in a store by pushing down on a bunch of toy ducks which, when pressed, emitted a loud aaarghh ! noise. The video was then appropriated by Vine star Charlie Murphy and subsequently looped millions of days, spawning multiple variants. There has even been a mash-up with the what are those? meme. My person favourite versions are those which pay tribute to Adele and Taylor Swift.

However, a Guardian investigation revealed that that the toy was not a duck, but a pelican. Listen to our interview with Kevin here.

Read more: How the duck army stormed the internet

10. Hello, its me

It took merely a 30 -second snippet of Adeles new single, Hello, debuted during the advert violate of the UK television show, The X Factor, to have the vocalist trending worldwide on Twitter. And while the haunting piano and hushed, smoky tones beloved of millions of fans induced much excitement among those desperate to hear the full song, the clip also inspired plenty of memes.

Hello, its me is a pretty meme-able phrase, and the internet did not disillusion. When the sepia-tinged video dropped, featuring the vocalist in an amazing coat, using a flip-phone and hanging out in an abandoned home, the memes merely multiplied. Especially re: the flip-phone. One girl even texted her ex the entire lyrics to Hello, without him catching on at all.

Read more: Hello, its me. On a flip-phone. Samsung unveils clamshell model

chuck (@ charlubby) October 23, 2015

you know it’s the emotional part of the song when adele doesn’t stop touching her face pic.twitter.com/ dkQvHRmL7 6

9GAG (@ 9GAG) November 8, 2015

#Hello, it’s me. https :// t.co /8 2PU9WzQHG pic.twitter.com/ 1y7xUrARvQ

9. Miley, whats good?

A lot of people characterised this as Nicki Minaj hurling tint at Miley Cyrus, which is a fundamental misunderstanding of the concept of tint. Minaj didnt throw shade she immediately called Cyrus out, in front of a TV audience of millions. If anything, that is the direct opposite of hurling tint.

The incident happened at the MTV Music Video Awards in response to an interview Cyrus gave in which she called Minaj not very polite. While accepting an award Minaj called Cyrus this bitch who had a lot to say about me in the press the other day, before aiming with the perfectly passive aggressive, Miley, whats good? Cue memes. Plenties and lots of memes.

John Liacopulos (@ john_liac_9 7) November 3, 2015

When Miley Cyrus takes you to her favorite eatery that you’ve never been to before and you ask what to order pic.twitter.com/ qoGDlgHmuQ

KK (@ _ColeHeartedX) October 9, 2015

I hate whoever room this is #iup #MileyWhatsGood pic.twitter.com/ Peh3f 3Yq4b

8. Confounded Nick Young

Nick Young is a basketball player who shoots for the LA Lakers. His internet fame, however, is courtesy of a confused reaction face meme. At one point during a day-in-life-of documentary, Thru The Lens, positioned on YouTube, Young pulls a huh? face when his mother calls him a buffoon. His quizzical expression towards the camera has spawned likely the best reaction macro of 2015 and can be used for disbelief, astonish or a thousand other reactions.

Photograph: Instagram /@ Daquan

7. Why you always lyin?

The 21 -year-old college student Nicholas Fraser became an internet sensation when he decided to perform, in his yard, perched on a lavatory, as one does, a quick cover-up of Nexts Too Close, but with the lyrics changed to why the fuck you lyin?/ why you always lyin ?) Given that people lie all of the time , and we know about it, guys , and we all want people to know that we know, Frasers vine caught on and inspired multiple cover versions of his cover version. Now, when your mate texts to tell she is five minutes away but you know she likely hasnt left the house yet, theres a perfect means of responding. Thanks Nicholas.

Read more: When “theyre saying” Nicholas Frasers vine isnt the best use of 2015: why you always lyin ?

6. Fifty Shades of Grey

After the Fifty Shades of Grey series of volumes sold so poorly , it was a punt for Universal Pictures to have taken on a film adaptation. But oh, brave souls it was brought to the screen in summer 2015 with Sam Taylor-Johnson at the helm and Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson starring. Given that the book had already resulted in a lot of culture cache, it was inevitable that the film would inspire memes and gags. The internet delivered. In particular, the my savors are very singular line( altered to my passions are unconventional for the internet) demonstrated a rich seam.

The Beast (@ KrystalSim) February 9, 2015

pic.twitter.com/ m5Tpb21XRf

Photograph: BuzzFeed

5. Hotline Bling

One of the best ways of 2015, the video for Drakes Hotline Bling didnt drop-off until October three months after the ballads release. But it was worth the wait. A minimalist clip, Drake proves off his unusual dance moves against different coloured backdrops inspired by artist James Turell. The rappers moves and pained impression inspired multiple parodies shared on YouTube, Vine and Twitter.

Included below are some of the best: a dancing and adorable shiba inu( aka Doge ), the Man From Another Place from Twin Peaks and perhaps best of all, some tennis backhand action.

Chai Goth (@ Abid_ism) October 20, 2015

The hotline is filled with secrets pic.twitter.com/ 5zS0WZhGCG

4. The Dress

The most viral of viral phenomenons. A young lady took a picture of a dress in a clothes store and uploaded it to Tumblr. Why is this interesting? As the internet was genuinely divided as to whether the dress was blue and black, or white and gold.

The original Tumblr post pose the question racked up an enormous 73m page positions, and a BuzzFeed piece on the dress has more than 38m page positions to date. #TheDress trended for days on social media. Scientists were carried in to explain how people could be seeing different colourings. Rods and cones were mentioned. British current affairs programme Newsnight even offered its own election. The Guardian waded in, with the definitive take.

michael (@ 1975 NIGHTMARE) February 27, 2015

when you don’t know the color of the dress pic.twitter.com/ sQI7YLnjk 1

BBC Newsnight (@ BBCNewsnight) February 27, 2015

A live on screen vote on tonight’s Newsnight – what colour is #thedress? Get out your phone and going to see http :// t.co/ dRffVZfw0P at 10:30 pm

3. Poot Lovato

I dont guess Ive ever chuckled so hard as when I detected the Poot Lovato meme. A Tumblr post featuring an awkward fan photo of vocalist Demi Lovato posited the hypothesi that the snap was not of Demi herself, but her secret twin sister, Poot Lovato, who had been trapped in a cellar her entire life. The fable took hold and soon the internet was ablaze with hilarious and creative Poot memes. Fan-fiction was written, fan art draw, Instagram and Twitter accounts were established and even Demi herself addressed the gag( she wasnt amused ). Then, instead, brilliantly, a sleuth excavate out a paparazzi photo of Demi-as-Poot right at the moment the fan pic was taken. Its still funny.

Read more: Poot Lovato: has the internet detected Demis secret sister ?

A selection of the best Poot Lovato memes. Photograph: Guardian composite

2. Llamas on the run

On THE SAME DAY AS THE DRESS, the internet explosion with one of the great police chases of our time two llamas on the run. The llamas, one black and one white, ran loose in Sun City, Arizona. The whole internet followed, glued to the ABC1 5 live river of the runaway animals and tracking updates on Twitter. The llamas, true heroes of freedom and an inspiration to all, had escaped from their day job in an animal therapy centre. The black llama was caught first, its emancipation ended with a cruel lassoing. The white llama ran on, but eventually, it too was caught. Still, these two were the internets favourite llamas since Serge, the French llama who travelled by subway.

HannahJane Parkinson (@ ladyhaja) February 26, 2015

NOOOO. BLACK LLAMA CAUGHT. STAY STRONG WHITE LLAMA.

Matthew Baldwin (@ matthewbaldwin) February 26, 2015

LLAMA 1: We’re escaping this afternoon. LLAMA 2: Alpaca bag.

1. Dead Raccoon

My personal win for meme of 2015 is the dead raccoon, an unfortunate soul, detected deceased on a Toronto street. After a human tweeted the relevant city authorities to tell them about the raccoon, the poor critter was left for hours in the same place. Over the next 12 hours, a vigil was set up for the raccoon, documented online. A note was left, a framed photo , notes were written. Someone gave the raccoon an unlit joint as a mark of respect. It get dark. Candles were illuminated. The raccoon was named Conrad. Eventually, the authorities turned up and unceremoniously dumped Conrad in a rubbish truck. Such a lack of respect.

Raccoon update: he’s still there. Someone has written him a card .

A photo posted by Emily Taylor (@ emilyjs5) on Jul 9, 2015 at 9:14 am PDT

Shauna Pollock (@ misspollock) July 9, 2015

Don’t quite know what to say about this sidewalk discovery except that it really brought ppl together. #deadraccoonto pic.twitter.com/ BJ7efipLvq

Norm Kelly (@ norm) July 10, 2015

The sidewalk memorial is growing, @311Toronto. H/ T @jasonwagar. #DeadRaccoonTO pic.twitter.com/ 3vTUf9xB7b

Kris Pangilinan (@ KrisReports) July 10, 2015

10: 46 pm #DeadRacoonTO is still here. pic.twitter.com/ D9JbEuxJol

Read more: www.theguardian.com

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