#and that however annoying they find me i find myself far far worse

[lani-heart]

|| series masterlist || next // previously ||

genre(s) -> angst, fluff, non-idol, hybrid au, poly au paring(s) -> choi san x reader warning(s) -> abuse, mentions of physical health, cursing, etc. words -> 3.2K

abstract -> after a messy break up, eunchae encourages the reader to adopt a hybrid. however, this hybrid comes from a dangerous past that might be dangerous for reader.

y/n's perspective

“Eunchae, I really don’t think I could take care of a hybrid” I sulked imagining her car and she sighed.

“After your breakup, you’ve been down. Hybrids can give you company, a platonic relationship.” She begged as she was now trying to convince me to get out of the car and into the hybrid facility.

“Everyone is worried for you. You’re at writer's block, that bastard broke up with you, and you’re alone. Yuta and Shotaro are especially worried about you please?” She begged and I decided to follow her.

I wandered away from her to look at the different hybrids. I missed the cute little fox hybrid I used to know.

I guess foxes are similar to cats… despite being canines.

I saw the feline hybrids… I didn’t even know how far I wandered until I saw a black tail tucked behind a bush.

Were they hiding?

I suddenly saw the black cat's ears go up and I saw it was a man. He was older than what most people go for… but he was so pretty.

“Hello?” I said in awe of the male who turned to me. I now saw his face… he was such a pretty hybrid.

He looked at me indifferently. “His name is San. He is not available for adoption” I heard as I saw behind me. “Why?” I asked and the employee looked annoyed. 

“You’re at the red code hybrids miss,” they said and I didn’t notice. “What will happen to him?” I asked and they sighed. 

“It’s being decided. San has good genes so maybe a farm but he’s far too aggressive to be considered so he might be seeing a euthanizing” they said and I felt my heart break.

How could a hybrid as pretty as he ever be considered to die?

“I heard you can get a red hybrid if you have a hybrid facilitation seal?” I said and they nodded.

I pulled out my license to approach such coded hybrids up to red. The only ones I can’t see are black-coded hybrids.

“Miss, you should know he came from the illegal hybrid fights that were caught a few weeks ago,” they said and that made me feel worse.

I could help him… but why did I want to?

“I’ll take him,” I said and they nodded. 

“I’ll get you the paperwork if you’d like to get to know each other,” they said as they were now home leaving me alone with the hybrid who looked at me confused.

“I’m y/n… they told me your name is San?” I asked as I encouraged him to get near the glass. 

He looked confused and nervous. “You’re a very pretty hybrid,” I said and he looked flustered as he looked away from me.

His pitch-black ears twitched.

“You’ll be coming home with me” I said and he scoffed. “That won’t last, '' he muttered. 

I sighed, illegal hybrid ring.

“I’ll make sure you’re safe. You’ll never have to fight anyone ever again” I said and he looked at me with widened eyes. Almost hopeful…

“Why would you want me? I’ve killed hybrids, I’m too old, I’m not the cute little cat hybrid you could have” he said it rated with me? It sounded almost like he was irritated with himself.

“I’ll dedicate myself to making you happy” 

San didn’t know how to react to what I said. As I was finishing up the documents I heard an enraged voice.

“Yah! You left me when we’re here for you!” Eunchae yelled and I nodded. “I didn’t think I could find any hybrid that interested me,” I said and she scoffed. “You need to give it… that’s a hybrid application” she said, cutting herself off in a confused voice.

“He’s really pretty, Eunchae. I didn’t know hybrids were so pretty” I said.

“You’ve worked with hybrids before,” she said and I nodded. “I don’t know… something about him pulled me in,” I said completely entranced with him.

“I’m happy you found a hybrid y/n”

Eunchae left as I was now waiting for San…. He was a panther hybrid. Exotic and really rare.

But I also was given the police file of his past for a safety measure. 

“Here he is” I heard as I saw him. They asked me if I had any clothes ready for him and I didn’t but they had some extra clothes.

He was in a simple white shirt and blue jeans.

They don’t give hybrid collars anymore. It wasn��t mandatory. Hybrids were now given collars for safety measures or dome areas in Korea to enforce the collar policy.

It wasn’t necessary though. 

I did custom order a collar, however. It was a collar quite popular for its pretty design. It was also one of the collars more expensive for its comfortable design.

I wanted to give it to him when I felt like I could without offending him.

It was controversial as I knew some hybrids didn’t like the thought of being given a collar.

I wanted to talk to him but he seemed anxious. I wanted to instead let him get used to my presence… he was a hybrid who must’ve held a lot of trauma. 

Maybe I should get an appointment with Kun…

“Oh, San we’re here,” I said as I stopped to enter the apartment complex when San didn’t notice.

“I know it looks intimidating but it’s really pretty and spacious,” I said and he nodded.

He stood close to me… almost as if he was scared to get lost.

“San?” I said and he looked at me almost nervously as he snapped out of his trance.

“Yes?” He asked and I smiled softly. “Are you okay?” I asked and he didn’t answer for a while… before nodding but I doubt he was sure of his answer.

I led him to the elevator. 

“Oh! Y/n!!”I heard as I saw Wonyoung. “You’re finally out of that apartment!!” She celebrated and I smiled meekly.

“Please tell me you’re done with the depressing break-up and grieving?” She asked and I looked down not knowing what to answer. 

“Oh? Who are you?” She asked, looking at San who hid behind me.

“This is San… Eunchae took me to get a hybrid” I said and she looked shocked. “I’m surprised you actually got one? You always said you never thought you could take care of a hybrid of your own!” She said and I chuckled awkwardly.

“Hmm. Can you look strong enough, protect her okay? And if a bastard named Hend—""Okay bye Wonnie!!” I yelled as I grabbed San’s wrist and dragged him to the open elevator.

“Sorry for grabbing you like that,” I said and he shook his head. It was only the two of us in the awkward elevator ride.

“You know her?” He asked and I smiled and nodded. “Our parents are family friends” I answered and he nodded.

“Did you get me to protect you?” He asked without looking at me.

“No… I got you… I actually didn’t want a hybrid but something about you made me adopt you. If anything while being with me you’ll live without worrying about anything ever again”

san’s perspective

Without worrying about anything again?

I didn’t want to believe that… Everyone had something to worry about. She couldn’t make that promise.

She wasn’t dressed like her friend was. Her friend was dressed in designer and looked like the typical rich kid. I was guessing she was the same… 

The elevator finally opened to a gate. She took out a card and she scanned it when it opened. 

She walked in and I followed her to what looked like a penthouse?

“I have five extra rooms, you can choose either one. Though the one closest to my room is the biggest. The others are the same size but that one has its own bathroom.” She explained as she led me to the room. 

It was huge that two, maybe even four hybrids could live here. It was a lot bigger than my kennel…

“Are you hungry?” She asked and I shook my head despite it. 

“Hmm okay. We’ll eat breakfast tomorrow then, oh do you have any favorite foods?” She asked and I shook my head. 

She looked so animated in her expressions. I could see her pity when I told her no.

“You’ll find some and we’ll stock up on them okay?” She said and I nodded.

We’ll see how long I last here… “oh! we need to get you some clothes… do you want to go tomorrow?” She asked and I didn’t… this was temporary. She wanted me for something I just needed to figure out what for.

“You don’t have to go… I can go with Wonyoung. I’ll just size your current clothes” she said and I nodded.

“I’ll let you get used to it… my room is literally down the hall. You can ask for anything” she said as she left.

“What do you want from me?”

I hate to admit that this was the best sleep I felt I’m my entire life.

The bed was so soft and warm because of the blankets and added pillows.

Maybe today I should sleep on the floor like I’m used to…

I left the room… I had to face her eventually and maybe it’ll make her take me back sooner?

“Oh! San, Good morning !!” She said so brightly. She was dressed for the day… she looked like how much money she had. 

Yesterday she wasn’t dressed like this… she is another trust fund kid.

“I’m not the best cook… but I can cook simple things!! I wanted to wait for you when you came out, but I need to go with Wonnie to shop for your clothes” she said and I nodded.

“Do you wanna stay or come with me?” she asked and I instead put my attention on the food.

I heard her chuckle softly.

“It’s okay… if you need anything, call my number with the department's phone. We should get you one soon okay?” She said as she waved at me and went inside the elevator.

I clicked my tongue… that had to be a facade.

The food she made was clearly made by her. If she can afford this place maybe she should buy a chef…

I still ate… it was actually good.

I didn’t expect her to actually make me edible food… I was alone with my thoughts when I ate all the food. 

I went to my room and slept a bit. I didn’t want to touch anything so I did the only thing I could do.

I suddenly heard the ding of the elevator and I went over to greet her cause I thought that’s what I should do but instead…

“Y/nnie!! I need help with— AHH” a guy who looked younger than her came in the elevator. 

Was this her boyfriend? 

“Dude why are— WHO ARE YOU?!” another guy appeared. “Woah… you’re a panther hybrid right ?!” I heard and I scoffed.

“No way… y/n never wanted a hybrid though” the other guy said and I scoffed.

“Uh- not that she doesn’t want you! I mean you’re here!” He tried saving it awkwardly.

“Isn’t it weird though… she never wanted a hybrid” he said and was punched by his friend.

“He can hear you!” The other one yelled. 

“What’s your name, I’m Haechan!” He said… “San” I answered and he nodded. “I’m Mark,” the other said.

There was a weird silence after. 

“You’re the hybrid behavior specialist,” Mark whispered. “I’m a receptionist,” Haechan corrected. 

“When will she be back?” Mark asked me and I shook my head. “She said she’d be back by now?” Haechan said when we heard another ding.

“Thank you!” I heard her voice enthusiastically say to the employees who held so many bags. “Wahhhh,” the two boys said.

Why were there so many bags?

“Huh? What are you two doing here?” Her friend from yesterday said. “We need help with an essay,” Mark said and she scoffed. 

“School,” she said she then looked at me with a happy expression… “You are gonna look amazing! Okay let’s see—“She grabbed my face and I had to control my discomfort

“Wonyoung! You can't manhandle him!” y/n scolded. “I’m not! I just need to see what face type he has for a haircut. He needs it and some trims for his fur…” she continued muttering.

“Did the two of you go shopping?” Haechan asked her and she nodded.

“Everything is for San,” she said and I was shocked. All of this?

I suddenly felt the other girl grab my tail causing me to growl at her.

“Wonyoung! I told you to stop” she whined. I couldn’t control it so I thought she’d scold me... not her friend?

“You need to explain a few things,” she said, now looking skeptical. “Just be careful and don’t touch him,” she said. Was she scared of me? Of course, she was…

Second day here and she might already be regretting it…

“Mark, Haechan I think I’ll have to reschedule. Wonnie thanks for helping me” she said and they nodded.

“We’re going out for lunch tomorrow. No excuses this time!” She said and y/n nodded. “Oh, can we come?” Mark asked and she laughed. “Don’t you have a case to study?”

The elevator soon went down…

“You can choose anything you like! If it doesn’t fit or you don’t like it we can always return…” I stopped listening to her voice.

What makes a trust fund kid qualified to handle a code red hybrid? “San?” She said and I looked at her and she was close. 

I could attack her… it would be easy to kill her.

“I’m tired”

y/n’s perspective

San didn't seem like he was adjusting well…

Something about his behavior seemed…agitated. I really wanted to take him to Kun but he would only get even more agitated.

I moved all the bags to a separate room. I wanted him to look through them. I don’t think he’ll want to though. So I would give him some clothes every day hoping he’ll tell me his opinion.

I did keep a specific bag. His collar.

It was a pretty black jeweled collar with black leather. I think this would offend him…

Yesterday he slept… all day and even now. I knocked on his door until he opened it. “I’m going out for a bit,” I said and he nodded.

“Try not to sleep so much okay? There’s also food in the kitchen so remember to eat” I said and he nodded.

Did he hate it here?

I went towards the elevator and I heard him close his door. The elevator stopped and Wonyoung came in.

“So… you adopted a traumatized hybrid,” she said and I knew she’d catch it easily. “Yeah…” I confessed and she sighed.

“He doesn’t like to be touched… So what else?” She asked and I sighed. “He isn’t good with other hybrids… with commands, bell-like noises, or screams,” I said and she sighed.

“How are you gonna handle a hybrid like that? Just because you have a behaviorist seal doesn’t make you a professional. You’re a writer, not Kun '' she said and I nodded.

“They were gonna kill him,” I said and her eyes widened. “Is he a red code?” She asked and you nodded.

She looked frustrated with me.

“He’s dangerous y/n!” She scolded and sighed.

“I already promised to make him happy”

After lunch with  Wonyoung, Eunchae, NingNing, and Karina I bought some food for San. I wanted him to get comfortable… but it wasn’t gonna happen in two days…

I walked in and didn’t notice anything different… I went to his room and knocked. 

He didn’t answer… maybe I shouldn’t have opened the door. To see the trashed room… claw marks and San staring at me I’m almost a feral state. 

“San?” I whimpered a little scared of the hybrid. A code red hybrid in a feral state could be lethal.

I could only do a frantic quick text to Haechan who I knew would get the message to Kun.

“Why?” He asked and I was confused. “Why adopt me? For pleasure? A trophy maybe? Your pet?” He asked and I shook my head.

“I wanted to help you” I said and he laughed at me now getting closer. “You’re scared… you offered your home to a predator” he taunted and I shook my head.

I wasn’t a professional… I was a book writer.

I accidentally tripped and I was now on the floor as he was in front of me. Leering over me in a predatory gaze.

“What do you want from me?” He asked and I shook my head. “Nothing,” I said and he scoffed.

“A trust fund kid… you don’t adopt an older and stronger hybrid for no reason. Is it because I was pretty? You wanted some fun with me? I know to your little friends a panther is something to brag about” he said and I shook my head.

He thought that?

“Just cause I lived in a cage doesn’t mean I don’t know about people like you,” he said and he grabbed my jaw. It was gentle at first and then he brought out his claws.

They stung a lot but they weren’t a big thing.

“I could kill you,” he said. “You could… but all I wanted was to offer you a better life,” I said and he scoffed. 

“You? What do you want in exchange? You weren’t offering anything for free” he scoffed and I shook my head. 

“Trust me,” I said and he suddenly gripped my jaw a little stronger making me wince in pain. He then punched the nearby bookshelf which had a glass vase.

I moved him out of the way of getting hit by a vase. Luckily it didn’t hit him… but it did hit me. I felt the fragile glass shatter all over my back.

The sudden impact made my vision go dark. 

“I’m sorry you think that way of me” 

san’s perspective

Was this girl an idiot?! I didn’t even notice that the big bookshelf had a vase on the top of it.

But why would she push me away from it? She was in danger, not me… “y/n?!” I heard someone yell out for her. It was someone I didn’t recognize… actually it was kind of familiar

Suddenly I see the appearance of a man… I didn’t recognize him. “Kun, she’s here!” he yelled as he got closer. He had a nurse's uniform… he was gonna help her. 

I didn’t interfere… he picked her up and took her away. She should be okay… it didn’t hurt her head, only her back. Suddenly another man appeared… the doctor that treated me weeks ago. 

“San…? Of course she would adopt you” he muttered clearly knowing her better to say that. “Is she gonna be okay?” I don't know why I asked… Maybe guilt? “I don't know… but you’ll be taken away from here and won’t be given the life you could have had,” he said and I laughed. 

“The life I could have had?” I scoffed out and he nodded. “She told me she adopted a traumatized hybrid. I just didn’t think she would have adopted a red code hybrid like you” he said and I didn’t know her. 

Every human uses everything around them… I would have suffered that with her. 

“Just get me away from here”

@wonuangel @danirael @angelsaway @krissroo @minkysmilk @mayonnaise-on-toast @robertsbbygirl @superbbananananana @hyukssunflower @kitty4hwa @justconniez @senpai-of-doom @kibs-and-bits @caityelise99 @ilovekinny @ateezennie23 @wooahaelemons @purplelady85 @watamotee33@chidess97 @littlelostdemonofthelight @maliamaiden @burntarm1n @spooo00oky @eastleighsblog @momo-peachy @kitstar1117 @quartzpirate @sunnyhokyu @iwishiwasrichasfuck @theginger543210 @pandolinka @ddaeing @kpopnightingale @slid3er @kekdo-520 @puppyminnnie @sparklinghwa222 @calicanbeevil @itsvxlentine @atinism @loumin908 @smally97 @rxnexxi @acetruepunk @majesticbeluga @namjooncrabs @tashizxy @itstheghostofmypast @smilefordongil @teeziny @totallynotlyntv @kyeos4ng @prodsh00ky @acescavern

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[save-the-villainous-cat]

"Listen." The villain grabbed the hero's arm. "I'm on a tight leash here."

The hero's mouth curled into a smile. "You mind repeating that?"

But the villain was quite serious, although their grip around the hero's forearm loosened.

"They will kill me if anything happens to you, you know that," the villain said.

"Womp womp."

The villain laughed hollowly and stared at the hero in disbelief.

"You're unbelievable."

Their nemesis had always been an incredibly unserious person - and an annoying one - but ever since the villain had been captured and assigned to protect them, it had gotten worse. Somehow, the villain couldn't blame them. The hero was, after all, a secretive person who didn't need any type of surveillance.

"I don't need a bodyguard," the hero said. They bobbed their head confidently. "I am not the best ranked hero in the entire city for nothing."

"Come on, don't be cocky now. I wouldn't be here if the agency actually believed that," the villain said and they meant every word. It was a kind of community service that was meant to reform the villain. Protecting people, watching the hero work - they assumed that was the goal of this entire operation.

However, the hero made it very easy to dislike heroes in general. They had a big mouth, viewed themselves as some kind of saint and (arguably) the worst thing above all: they also looked good while doing it.

The hero let out a big sigh and started stretching, followed by a yawn and a bored expression. It was clear that the hero wanted to fall into the bed of the shared hotel room and sleep until the afternoon.

"Little piece of advice?" They sat down on the bed. "Don't read too much into it. I doubt they know what they are doing themselves."

"They are in charge of internal security, they should know what they are doing."

"You think it's smart to put two nemeses in a hotel room with only one bed?" the hero asked. They wiggled with their eyebrows and all the villain could do was roll their eyes. "This agency is a real shit show and everyone smart enough should stay as far away from them as possible."

"I have no choice in that matter. You die, I die too. They will find a way to blame me. I'm supposed to jump in front of you when people shoot at you. I am nothing more than a human shield."

"Gorgeous human shield."

"I'm flattered," the villain said flatly. They took in a deep breath and let themselves fall next to the hero on the bed. They put their head in their hands and rubbed their face. If the hero continued to be reckless, if they continued to be so stupidly bold, the villain would start to feel the consequences pretty quickly.

"Don't be. I'm merely observing objective beauty."

"Ugh. Fuck off." The villain squeezed their eyes shut. They needed to think. If the agency was experimenting on them, the villain was meant to be the test subject which meant the agency wanted to control them.

The villain knew they had implanted a chip in them which tracked heartbeat and location. The only question now was: how was the agency going to kill them? Was the chip responsible? Was it something else?

"You're worrying so much, no wonder you are always so grumpy." The villain raised their head and before they could answer, the hero's hand was already on their back, delicate fingertips digging into sensitive spots. The villain bit back a moan and pulled back gently.

"Let's not...complicate things."

"Of course not," the hero said. "But honestly, don't break that head of yours trying to figure out their next plan. They won't kill you until absolutely necessary and I am very good at taking care of myself. So unless you are very incompetent - which you are not - you are good for now."

"For now," the villain echoed. They had to admit, the hero's fingertips had felt good on their back. They had never expected the hero to be capable of being serious enough to try comforting the villain. If it even was what they had tried to achieve.

As the villain looked at them, they couldn't help but concentrate on their jawline. On the darker colours of their eyes. Their fingers. Those damn fingers.

The villain hadn't recovered from that quite yet and they started to regret their words. They knew the hero flirted often, but they weren't sure how much of it was boredom and how much was real.

And even if something was to happen tonight, the agency would know about an increased heartbeat in the middle of the night in the shared hotel room.

Which in the worst case, they would interpret as a fight.

But it was more likely that they wouldn't.

The villain bit the inside of their cheek. Shit, they needed to concentrate. The hero always threw them off their game.

"Did they chip you?" the villain asked.

The hero pulled up their sleeve and very suddenly the villain realised that they had never seen this arm naked. And they understood why - the entire forearm was covered in scar tissue.

"The better question is: how many times did they try?" the hero said. They covered their arm quickly again and cocked their head. "The agency learns pretty slowly but they realised eventually I wasn't willing to play any games. When dumb people get a fraction of power, no matter how small, they will abuse it."

The hero had never been this serious before. Not with the villain. And the villain could do nothing but stare as the hero casually told them how much the agency truly sucked.

"It's inevitable. But when it comes down to it, who is stronger? Some written words on a paper or a true superhero? These people are just people and I was sick of listening to someone tell me where to go or what to wear or what to say or whom not to save. I wanted to save as many people as possible. And that's exactly what I am doing now. Without someone monitoring my body or actions."

"And yet, you're with the agency," the villain pointed out.

"I made a deal with them. I will play nice with them in public and in return...they are keeping someone safe for me."

"A lover?"

"I wouldn't share this bed with you if I had a lover. And I wouldn't say the things I say to you," the hero said. They stared at their own hands and the villain saw little scars all over them. Like a messily woven rug. "It's my sibling. Outside of the country, I didn't want them to grow up here. But...yeah. They write me every week."

The hero smiled but they didn't seem to be happy.

"I'm not allowed to write back. Ever. I know it's better that way, but...I know they will forget me eventually."

The villain didn't say anything. They had never thought the hero would tell them something like this. And they had never expected them to go beyond their cocky persona. It was a little more than strange to hear this from someone whose main priority was flirting during battle.

"Maybe it's hypocritical of me. To say all of this and yet I am working with them to protect my sibling and pretend to be on good terms with them, but for my family, I am gladly the sinner. I would become the enemy to protect them."

"That's very admirable," the villain said. And it was. It was impressive. It was horribly understandable, too. "You're very special, I hope you're aware of that. You're a good person."

And now, the villain couldn't really hate them anymore. They couldn't even find a reason to. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

They took in another deep breath and tried for the last time today to think clearly.

"I appreciate that you told me this. But I think it’s late and we both need some res-"

"I know, I know, darling. Take good care of my secret, though. Or I’m afraid I’ll have to kill your pretty ass," the hero said. They pursed their lips.

"You're welcome to try." The villain had to grin.

"Hm, tempting…not right now, though.” They leaned over and traced the villain's collarbone with their index finger. "Or the poor agency will think we are doing worse things than fighting. Those chips are scarily precise when it comes to counting beats per minute."

Great minds and all.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

YOUR L*ONISMS IN THE MALLEUS POST BYE 😭😭 I tend to try to avoid talking about him precisely bc I fear I'll sound like Leona too lmao. or bc I'm scared ppl will say "ah you only dislike him bc you like Leona"- when that's not the case at all (although I also share some of his views about the lizard) Similarly to you, I just don't get the hype- basically everything you say. my feelings for him fluctuate from "🙄 ok." to "you're okay? I guess?"

which is weird, bc I really like dragons and non-human characters learning about humans. but that's what makes it worse for me bc man all the talk about him made me want to rlly like him and then I saw him in canon and I was like uh... okay? kind of disappointed + a bit annoyed at some stuff. I do like how he talks about gargoyles or things he finds interesting tho— I'll praise you that much, Draconia.

[Referencing this post!]

***PLEASE NOTE: Everything I express in this post is my own opinion and is in no way meant to disparage Malleus enjoyers.***

Leona and Rollo is right about Malleus and he should speak his truth 😔

To reflect a little on my own character arc with Malleus, I felt very neutral about him from the prologue to about book 2ish. This was simply because I hadn't interacted with the guy yet so I held off on judging him prematurely. The brief encounter we actually had with Malleus in book 2 wasn't meaty enough for me to get a sense for his character, so I brushed him off.

I thought it was interesting that book 2's narrative invites comparisons between Leona and Malleus, with Leona being a parallel to Scar, Malleus being a parallel to Mufasa, and the world holding Malleus up as the "superior" king. Lilia states as much in 2-26: "Would that the lion king of the savanna could witness this absolute farce. No, if you ask me, the collar suits you far better than a crown ever could. You may bemoan the fact that you're not higher in line to be king. But with that sensitive ego of yours? That so quickly directs all your petty anger at your retainers... Well, the idea of you ever contending with a REAL king like our Malleus—is absolutely laughable. Even if you COULD defeat Malleus, so long as that's how you choose to conduct yourself? You would never be fit to rule!"

And at the time, yeah, Lilia's right because Leona is very much losing his grip on his emotions and acts irrationally in an attempt to triumph over Malleus. HOWEVER... The longer the main story went on, the more I found myself disagreeing with Lilia's judgment of Malleus and his character. Now, that doesn't mean that I think Leona was in the right for the actions he took in book 2 (they are still and always will be wrong). Rather, I think Lilia gave a somewhat biased take on Malleus and his preparedness for the throne. Many of the things Lilia accuses Leona of also ended up being very true of his own liege. Malleus has a sensitive ego (he has attempted to strike down peers and faceless, magicless NPCs on more than one occasion; ie Halloween events). Malleus has directed his anger at his retainers (as a child, he froze many servants; in book 7, he attacks Sebek and Silver for attempting to wake up their peers and tries to return Lilia to sleep against his wishes). Malleus has scarcely led anyone in anything. Leona and Malleus are far more similar to one another than either of them would like to admit, but Lilia is just assuming that Malleus will be a great leader anyway because of... what? Because of birthright and lineage? Yeah, no wonder why Leona is pissed and has a bone to pick with the lizard (attempt to harm Malleus aside).

Book 3 and onwards is what I started to develop my current dislike for Malleus. (And to be clear, he has good points too! I'm not saying that he has nothing going for him at all; however, this post is focusing on my own critiques of his character so that is what I will be speaking about.) I started to notice things that annoyed me on a personal level: how he lacks consideration of others' perspectives and actively violates their autonomy, how he never gets any repercussions for his actions, how he's aware of his power and status and yet fails to avoid lording it over others, how he has been given so many opportunities to learn and change as a person but refuses those opportunities, etc. And yes, I understand that he acts in these ways for particular reasons. I'm not saying that his behaviors don't make sense, I am only stating that these are behaviors that I personally don't find appealing. (For more extensive explanations of why I don't like Malleus, please see the FAQ section in my pinned post.) All of this in spite of how little of him we actually get to see and interact with, especially in the main story. It baffled me that he was undoubtably the most popular character in EN circles. There's so much chatter about Malleus Draconia, you can't really get away from it. People are legitimately shocked when you tell them you actively dislike Malleus or when they learn that he's not even a top contender for best boy in the JP fandom. The default is assuming that you do like Malleus, which ironically happens to be the same thing that Draconians (Malleus stans in-universe) do. It feels like there's sometimes an unspoken pressure to like the guy. I also started to notice peculiar behaviors (?) which, in a vacuum, aren't necessarily bad--I would just like to comment on them because I find it interesting. With Malleus being as popular of a character as he is, there's of course going to be a lot of online discussion about him, especially from his fans. Now, I don't know if it's only me noticing this, but I've frequently observed Malleus fans going out of their way to "wring as much content" out of the least Malleus-related content possible. For example, there may be a screenshot of some other character posted and then a fan would come in and make a comment like, "I wonder how Malleus would feel about this". A more concrete example would be from the more recent JP Lost in the Book with Nightmare Before Christmas event; in it, the event character takes the back of all the characters' hands and kisses them (including Yuu). Automatically posts that showed this kissing were inundated with comments about how "Malleus would be so angry about this", even though Malleus himself shows no such reaction. Similar comments dropped when Yuu is kidnapped in the event even though, again, Malleus shows no such anger about the incident. Halloween events such as this contain half the main NRC cast, yet I saw no fans of the other 10 characters claiming those characters reacting jealously. This occurs VERY often in regards to Malleus; even in events or scenes where he doesn't react or doesn't even appear, zealous fans will insert him into the situation or make the situation suddenly about him, whether it's in someone's own posts or on other people's posts.

I wonder if this is a result of Malleus being kept so mysterious for two full years...? Without much of his character to go off of, it left a huge negative space for fans to headcanon, project, and hyperfixate on what he is like or what he could be. And maybe now those behaviors persist in an effort to fill in that void because honestly Malleus isn't getting much screen time within book 7 either 💀

I believe this has contributed to the discrepancy (that this asker brought up) between how the English-speaking Twst fandom speaks about Malleus versus what Malleus is actually like and how he is portrayed in game. The fandom version of him is pretty much always hyped up or sensationalized (sometimes simply for his mere existence), similar to how his own fans in-universe might put him on a pedestal. But then you play the game for yourself and you're exposed to so little of him and what little you do see of him is much more... reserved, somber, and sometimes even petulant, depending on the situation.

Anyway, my point is that anyone that dislikes Malleus (or any other character) should be allowed to dislike him, regardless of what anyone else says or if you feel pressured into silence🤷‍♀️

[strniohoeee]

idk what to ask but something super angst enemies to lovers with matt

Disregard(Matt’s Version)

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Matt and Y/N hate each other. However one night at a party things take an ugly turn, and Matt’s there to help her. Feelings are expressed but are these feelings mutual? 🌷

Warning⚠️: None really some guy tries to take advantage of reader.

Song for the imagine: R U Mine?- Arctic Monkeys

And satisfaction feels like a distant memory

And I can’t help myself

All I ever wanna say is “are you mine?”

“You at a party with Matt? How’s that going to work” my friend asked me over the phone laughing

“It’s going to work because I hate him, and I will be far away from him duhh” I said raking through my closet looking for an outfit

“I just don’t know how you can hang out with him and his brothers when yall can’t stand one another” she said

“Well Nicks my friend mostly sadly and Chris is cool, but Matt’s just always there” I said huffing when I couldn’t find the shirt I wanted

“Why don’t you and Nick just hang out” she responded

“I mean we have, but they are always together. I’ve learned to just not acknowledge him” I said laughing

“Man I don’t know how you’ve been sticking it out this long” she said to me

“He was at his worse in high school, so if I got over that I can get over anything” I responded back

“Mmm that’s true he was an annoying little shit” she said giggling

“He really was, and he was such a dick” I said rolling my eyes

“He was, but I’m gonna let you go girl. I know you have to prepare for this party, and I’m about to head out with my man on a date” she said to me

“Alright girl I love you, and have fun I’ll talk to you soon” I responded

“Love you too, and have fun as well” she responded

I hung up and finished looking through my closet for another outfit.

“FINALLYYYY” I said as I found the shirt I’ve been hunting for

To be honest I’m not too sure why my hate for Matt was still there. I’ve been friends with Nick for 5 years now, and although Matt was an asshole in school I couldn’t stop my hate towards him.

He just was always there, and swore he was hot shit. He wanted to be cool and mysterious so badly and it annoyed the shit out of me.

I agreed when Chris called him “tough” because it was true. He acted like this big bad guy, and like he was too good for everybody. Hated it and I hated him

Initially I really liked him, but he destroyed all of that when we were in high school. It haunted me daily…..man fuck Matt

I finished getting ready and decided to Uber over to the triplets house since Nick wanted us to carpool

I headed into their house and walked up to nicks room

“Nickkkk” I said as I walked in and hugged him

“Heyyy” he said pulling away

“Excited for tonight?” I asked him as I sat on his bed

“Very! I haven’t been to a party in a while” he said looking in his closet

“Oh my gosh sameeee” I said

“Should I wear a pink shirt or a black shirt?” He asked

“Mmmmm pink, that color looks good on you” I said back

“I was thinking the same” he said laughing

Suddenly Chris and Matt barged into his room

“YOOO” Chris yelled coming in

“Hey” I said smiling at him

“Stop fucking screaming like a bafoon” Nick said

“Uhhh who brought the negative Nancy” Chris said rolling his eyes

Nick just rolled his eyes at Chris as he finished getting ready in his bathroom

“Nick I have a question” I said getting up

“What’s up?” He asked

“Do you have my perfume I left here a while back” I asked

“Mmm I should, might be in my top drawer” he said

“Yeah you might want to mask that smell” Matt said laughing

“Ew….youre not funny” I said giving him a dirty look

“Yeah and youre ugly” he said making an ugly face

“You act like a two year old” I said not even looking at him

“Alright children enough” Chris said rolling his eyes

“I’m going to wait downstairs, I’m not going to allow Matt to ruin my night” I said after I sprayed myself with perfume and leaving Nicks room

About 10 minutes later they all came down and we decided to head out. Matt drove us to this influencers house who they knew and we headed in

“Alright guys don’t get too wild and try not to fight anyone” Nick said

“Got it” we said laughing

We walked in and started to say hi to the people we knew. I headed into the kitchen to make myself a drink because this was going to be a long night.

I was sitting in the kitchen sipping on my drink while people watching when I saw someone from the corner of my eye.

“Hey” he said, I looked over at him smiling as I swallowed my drink

“Hi” I said properly

“I’m Grey, but most people call me G” he said sticking his hand out for me to shake

“I’m Y/N” I said shaking his hand

“Are you here alone?” He asked as he began to make himself a drink

“Oh no I’m here with some friends, but we branched off” I said to him

“Oh nice yeah I did the same. I think my friends with some girl or some shit” he said shaking his head

“Ahh yes the classic party hook up” I said

“So cliche right” he said laughing

I went to answer but Matt walked into the kitchen clearing his throat and shoving in between us to get a Pepsi

“Oh uh am I interrupting something?” Matt asked looking between Grey and I

“No, go away Matt” I said sighing

“Cant I get a drink?” He said cheering my cup and giving me a shit eating grin

“I’m going to uhhh I’m going to head out” Grey said before walking off

“You fucking dick” I said punching Matt

“I came to get a drink” he said shrugging his shoulders

“You’re such a fucking asshole I hate you” I said finishing my drink and going to make another one

“Not sure why you hate me” he said scoffing

“Tuh- you’re not sure?” I said grabbing a coke to mix with Malibu

“Mmm no not really” he said shaking his head

“Oh well let me jog your memory shall I? You were an absolute piece of shit in high school. You called me every terrible name under the sun. You turned our whole grade against me. Let’s not forget that so-called prank you pulled on me. Calling me telling me you liked me when you knew I liked you asking me out and then telling me it was a joke and that you truly hated me. Oh not to mention you recorded it and sent it to the whole fucking school. You humiliated me in front of everyone” I said mixing my drink

“It wasn’t that serious, you know. I was hanging around asshole guys and I thought it was cool” he said nonchalantly

“You’re still the same way though” I said scoffing

“I’m really not” he said

“You are Matt….you are. I don’t know what I ever did to you, but I know I don’t deserve this shit” I responded

“Oh don’t act innocent you weren’t a saint” he said

“Yeah maybe in high school I got you back a few times but nothing compared to the shit you out, and that was high school were 21 now” I responded

“I have my reasons and you have yours” he said

I looked at him and scoffed…what is he even saying

“Grow up Matt” I said lifting off the counter to walk away

“Right back at you” he said shaking his head

“And stay the fuck out of my way” I said shoving past him

I walked off angrily and decided to look for Grey because I really needed to take my mind off of Matt. He was making my blood boil and my head spin

I saw Grey sitting on a couch scrolling through his phone

“Hey stranger” I said walking up to him

“Oh Heyy Y/N” he said smiling and locking his phone to put it away

“Sorry about that back there he can be a bit annoying” I said sitting next to him

“Ex boyfriend drama?” He asked

“Oh god no. Rival since high school” I said laughing

“Damn since high school” he said

“Yeah” I responded taking a seat next to him

Grey and I had been talking on the couch for a while. His fingers and hands often becoming loose and touching me. Nothing that made me uncomfortable, but it was certainly strange.

Unbeknown to Y/N Matt was watching her and Grey the whole time. He had a weird feeling about him, but couldn’t put his finger on it. He didn’t like that Grey was touching her, but she didn’t seem bothered so he stood back.

“Hey want to head up to a room I can’t really hear you” Grey asked nicely

“Ummm yeah sure” I said

“Nothing weird I promise” he said laughing

“Oh no worries” I said laughing and getting up to follow him

Matt was sitting as he watched them get up and head to the stairs. His ears perking up at this…..something was telling him to follow them.

Slowly Matt got up following behind them at a good distance. Listening in on their convo as best as he could. Didn’t seem strange, but he still wanted to make sure Y/N was okay.

Grey and Y/N had walked into a room shutting the door behind them, and Matt stood a few feet behind. He didn’t want to listen in, but he also wanted to make sure nothing weird was about to go down

“So tell me more about you” Grey said as we both sat on the bed

“Mmm well I’ve been living here for a while now, I’m originally from Boston” I said scanning my brain for more things to say

“Nice nice” he said staring at me

“I’m not sure what else to say” I said giggling

But Grey didn’t say anything he just stared at me….it started to bother me

“Is there something on my face?” I asked getting nervous

“Oh uh no sorry you’re just gorgeous” he said

“Oh thank you” I said looking down

At first coming up here seemed like a good idea, but now I’m worried he got the wrong picture. I did not want anything to do with this man other than a possible friendship. This was started to bug me out

Suddenly he started to lean in, I jumped up

“Oh no no that’s not why I came up here” I said backing away

“Oh? Well then why did you come up here” he asked shocked

“Umm because I thought you wanted to hear me better not try to kiss me” I said looking at him weirdly

“Well one kiss wouldn’t hurt” he said getting up

“No I’m good” I said nodding my head at him

“Just one come on” he said in a sleazy way

“And I said no. No is a full sentence” I said getting upset

“Stop being a tease already” he said

“I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong idea, but I do not want to kiss you” I said

He came closer and I backed away banging into a table against the wall

“Back away” I said

On the other side Matt heard the muffled conversations and the scuffling going on between two people, but he didn’t know what was going on.

“Please stop” I said pushing him off of me as we struggled against the table causing some things to fall

“Come on baby” he said getting upset

“FUCK OFF” I yelled pushing him off and grabbing the front door

My eyes surprised me when I made eye contact with Matt who was standing infront of the door

“Matt?” I asked confused

“What’s going on?” He said looking behind me into the room

“Nothing” I said pushing him back trying to get him to leave

“Your little bitch is a tease” Grey said to Matt

“She’s not a bitch, and if she said no then it’s no” Matt said looking the dude up and down

“She doesn’t want you either, so don’t try to be Superman” he said scoffing

“Fuck you. I’m being a decent human being respect her” Matt said

“What are you going to do about huh?” He said laughing at Matt

“Come on stop” I said trying to pull Matt away

“No” he said pushing my hand away

“You’re a piece of shit” Matt said walking towards Grey

“Don’t care” he said still laughing

Matt looked at him before punching him in the jaw

“MATT WHAT THE FUCK” I yelled out

They both started to scuffle around throwing punches

“Stop it” I said trying to pull Matt away

Matt hit the guy again in the nose causing him to stumble backwards

“When a woman tells you no that means no” he said backing away from Grey

“Matt we have to go now” I said pulling him away

Matt and I ran down the stairs and to his car

“Are you okay?” He asked me as we got in the car

“Yeah I’m fine” I said bluntly

“What a sick fuck” he said turning his car on

“Why do you care?” I asked

“Well I got a bad vibe from him okay, and I just didn’t want you to get hurt” he said as he pulled off

“Matt caring about me” I asked

“I don’t care about you…..I just didn’t want some creep to take advantage” he said scoffing

“Mm don’t care about me sureeeee” I said sitting back in my chair

“I don’t fucking like you okay Y/N” he said getting upset

“Feelings mutual I could’ve handled my own” I said

“Didn’t seem like it” he said

“I had it” I said getting upset with him

“You’re so stubborn” he said

“And so are you” I said

“Just stop okay” he said gripping the steering wheel tighter

“Stop what? Just take me home and shut up” I said rolling my eyes

“You’re such a bitch I try and help you and this is what I get” he said

“Stop the car” I said bluntly

“No” he said

“Matthew stop the fucking car now” I said

Matt looked over at me and pulled over. I hopped out and began to walk

“What the fuck are you doing?” He asked

“Shut the fuck up” I said continuing to walk

Matt hopped out the car following behind me

“Get in the car now” he said sternly

“You’re not my dad, go away” I said shooing him

“I’m not asking you again. Get in the car now” he said trailing closer to me

“GO AWAY” I yelled at him

Matt ran a little faster and grabbed my arm pulling me to turn around

“IM NOT LEAVING YOU HERE STOP BEING STUBBORN AND GET IN THE CAR” he yelled at me

“Let go of me” I said pulling my arm away from him harshly

“Get in the car. I know you hate me. I get that, but get in the car. I’ll take you home and I’ll never bother you again” he said

“Matt no I’m not going anywhere with you” I said

“Stop being so stubborn holy shit” he said pulling at his hair

“No one told you to save me, no one told you to take me home and no one told you to follow me out here. You don’t like me so go away” I said turning around to keep walking

“Yeah I don’t like you because…..because I love you” he said

I stopped in my tracks and slowly turned around to face him

“What?” I asked

“I love you okay” he said shaking his head

“No no you’re not doing this. After all these years of being a piece of shit you’re not about to pull this I love you card” I said pointing at him

“I’ve been a horrible person I know, but I truly didn’t know how to express myself. And i know these words probably mean nothing. But I want you to know I can’t do this anymore. I can’t hide my true feelings by pretending to be mean to you. When I saw you and that guy I got so jealous because that….that should be me” he said

“I don’t know what to say to you” I said shaking my head

“That’s okay. Just get back in the car, let me take you home. And you don’t have to see me ever again” he responded

“Matt I… I don’t know what to say because I love you too. I have loved you since high school, and I masked these feelings with hatred because it was the easiest thing to do” I said

“I’m sorry, okay. I never meant to hurt you the way I did” he said

“I don’t know if I can accept that apology right now. You hurt me badly” I told him

“I get that, but just let me take you home and we can talk about it tomorrow” he said

“Ok” I responded in a whisper

I got back into Matt’s car and he drove me home. The whole ride was silent. My thoughts racing in my head about what he told me….did he really love me?

Matt got to my apartment complex and walked me to my apartment door

“Thanks Matt” I said looking at him

“Oh yeah no worries can’t have you walking alone at night” he said

“No. I mean for everything tonight thank you” I said smiling

“Oh yeah. Of course” he said smiling back

“Ummm I really like you, and you did hurt me, but I want to work this out” I said

“Yeah yeah I do too” he said looking at my eyes

“Well goodnight Matt” I responded opening my door

“Can I have a hug?” He asked shyly

I smiled at this and pulled him in for a hug, kissing him on the cheek

“I appreciate you truly for tonight” I said smiling weakly

He nodded his head at me

“I’ll call” he said

“I’ll answer” I responded

And with that I walked into my apartment locking the door behind me.

Matt drove back to pick up his brothers. Once he was home he laid in bed smiling to himself.

I can’t wait to hear her voice again.

The End

I hope you enjoyed this one I love yall sooo much omgg🥹🖤🖤

-J💅🏽

[stalkiwi]

Something I find myself wondering a lot is; is it ok to mischaracterize a character from a media?

I am of the opinion "everyone can have the views and headcanons they want on a character", after all, this is harmless, and most people use it as a coping mechanism or for projection. We, other users, don't have to agree with these takes, and can simply ignore it. Ideally, this is how things should be.

But, is there a point where it would go too far?

Let's say: you're not a content creator, you don't know art or don't feel like you can write a piece of fanfiction well enough. But you are really fan of a character, and you wish to find other people to discuss with about them. However, this character is fairly impopular, may it be because of their poor on-screen time or because they are barely relevant to the story. As a result, a lot of people in the fandom are unfamiliar with the character, outside of really surface knowledge.

As you do your desperate search on this character, thirsty for content, you discover a popular artist or writer, who do in fact, make content of this character! ...But you realize that the content they make is really different from the view you had on the character. Heavy headcanons, projections, out of characters memes, biased takes... You clearly don't recognize the character you love and tried to hard to study and understand in the most objective way.

But, this is a popular person - their influence on the fandom is hard to deny. Many of their followers, many which never cared enough of the character, base their opinions on what this content creator spreads. As a result, they end up loving this new, out of character version, and even make content of them, following the headcanons and version of this popular user.

You feel alone. A large majority of the fandom sees the character you love in a false, different version. You can't have a conversation about this character, because you quickly realize that the people you talk to don't understand the character and simply spit back what they learned from the popular views. When you try to share what you believe is objectively the character for what they are, people frown at you. "If you don't like it, then ignore it!", or even worse, they will argue that the version of the fandom is the correct one. You may try to bring proofs from the text, screenshot evidence, you will be seen as evil for trying to "break" their headcanons and not letting them do whatever. You just feel horrible, like you are the one in the wrong, the 'evil' one. You can't create content of your own views, you can't make a fanbase and hope to share this version you love. You may find one or two person who agrees with you, but they are often out of your reach, maybe they don't speak your language and you struggle to communicate with them.

You can't share what you love, because you feel like you're the different one around - maybe even that you're bothering, annoying, just trying to "force your headcanons" into people.

When this happen, can we really say mischaracterization is alright?

I wonder what could be done for such cases to not happen. Outside of reading comprehension, maybe we should be self aware that we are out of character, maybe we should promote other people's opinions rather than try to ignore them or invalidate them. Maybe it's better to say, "my view on this character may be biased, because I tend to project a lot and see them as a comfort character, so please don't use me as a base to build your own beliefs". Maybe, instead of saying "I hate when people think this of that character", we should say "I see people having this opinion on that character, and I see where they come from - it's genuinely good that people can find comfort in the character and love them as much as I do, no matter how different it might be."

Fandoms and other large communities are really difficult to communicate with, myself I tend to despite the "fandom view", the general opinions on characters. I wish more people could understand what the author(s) tried to communicate with the character, and not deny it. If you want a character that fits what you want, why take an already existing one and alter it, when you can build your own?

I can't stop people, I am powerless to do so. I don't want to, to be clear. It's really heavy on my mind, because I genuinely wish I could find more people like me, who agrees with me, with who I can share my ideas. I am lucky to be an artist and a writer, because I can build a fanbase around my views. I wish it was as easy for everyone, though

We should start to give more respect to the different opinions, or accept that ours is not necessarily the closest one to the canon, no matter how much we may be convinced it is.

[thecrispydemon]

Hey y’all! This is a bit different than what I usually post. This is a project I’ve been working on for a while, and I’m excited to share it with you guys! This is a piece of fanfic I wrote based off of the pilot episode of Freddy’s Nightmares, which I really dislike to say the least. I got the idea because I was annoyed with the wasted potential, so I decided to rewrite it myself. Anyways enough with the rambling, I hope you guys like it.

No More Mr. Nice Guy

Part l

The Murders

I can’t sleep. All I feel is this persistent dread, I have to keep myself busy in order to not be overtaken by my thoughts. After an hour of tossing and turning, I decided to get myself some water. I was going to head upstairs, but out the window I caught a glimpse of stars twinkling, the moon peeping out from the clouds overseeing the still neighborhood. My anxiety slowly melted away looking out at the tranquil scene; for a moment I could finally think clearly, however it soon turned into frustration when the subject of my turmoil returned. All I wanted was a life, away from the chaos of the city. The amount of times I’ve sacrificed important moments with my wife and children just to make ends meet became too much. I was hoping a new start in Springwood would give me that peace. Now I’m encountering something far worse than I’ve ever seen in my career. Every few weeks a new body is found, a small child horrifically mutilated, with almost every wound that the human mind can imagine. God, I can still see it, the horrible gashes, rope burns, torn clothing, the sight of pure perversion. When I lay awake I still see their faces, engulfed in terror, the look of a cold unforgiving death. When you work in the law, that chaos will always find you; I should’ve known better.

The creak of the floor boards interrupts my spiral. I turn around to see my wife Sarah, her blonde hair and blue eyes shone in the moonlight. “ I’ll be up in a minute” I say. She looks at me with concern, she approaches and embraces me in her arms. “ I just don’t know what to do.” “ I know, just know that I have faith in you, and that you don’t have to endure this alone.” We stood in silence for a moment gazing into the night, “Loretta invited us to a neighborhood barbecue this weekend.” “Oh that” I sighed. Though I’m not up to a weekend barbecue I am appreciative of the Kruegers. They have been a welcoming presence for my family. Loretta a petite woman with a light brown bob, and just as cheery as the florals I constantly see her in, greeted us with a basket of pastries, and flowers when we moved in. She and Sarah over the past few weeks became closely acquainted. Her husband Freddy I’ve only interacted with a couple of times, a Gene Wilder type, charismatic, and friendly. My twin daughters Sarah and Merit are friends with their daughter Katherine, who they spend a lot of time at school with, and have had many play dates. Ring! I look at Sarah “I’ll get it.” The feeling of dread returns as I made my way to the living room. My throat felt so dry that I had trouble answering “Blocker residence.” “Lieutenant we found another one.”

I make my way to the scene with every passing streetlight I feel myself getting closer to the horror I’m about to witness. I pull into the empty park I see the crowd of officers near the playground, that’s been closed off with yellow tape. No matter how much I tried to reason with myself, push the past behind me, it came with a vengeance. What I saw was profound ravishment and hate. I saw her lying there on the dirt, just haphazardly dumped there, like an animal got bored of tormenting it’s prey. Fabric mixed with cut flesh along the chest, rope burns on her wrists. Her face was an ashy pallor, drained of all life, her blue eyes glassy.

Pure perversion….

The world seemed to condense, like I’ve been thrown overboard into the deepest water, gasping for breath, I realized I recognized the girl, her name was Katy Coleman, she was a classmate of my daughter’s. When I saw Katy, I saw my daughters lying on that gravel. I can’t let that happen, never.

We made our way to the Krueger House, it was a bright Saturday afternoon, fluorescent leaves fell from the trees crunching under our feet. The smell of cooked meat wafted in the air leading the way, as we got closer the sound of music and children playing became louder. Lisa and Merit quickened their pace, holding in their anticipation. The house was between lush trees and surrounded by a little white fence, with patches of Lillie’s behind it. The sweet smell of barbecue gave the house a more quaint feel than it already had. Loretta greeted us at the door “hello! Welcome! We’re just getting started!” She said in her usual upbeat manner. “Freddy! The blockers are here!” “Great! Send ‘em on back! A voice responded from the back of the house. Loretta looked down at the twins “Oh! Lisa and merit, Katherine is in her room.” We made our way to the back yard, which was just as nice as the front yard, the grass was plush and neatly manicured. There was a table on the patio decorated with tableware Freddy appeared from behind the grill carrying a plate loaded with ribs. “ Oh don’t you worry this is just the appetizer!” Soon other guests started to trickle in. Loretta looked at Freddy “I’ll go get the kids.” She said. “Oh, I’ve got it honey.” Freddy walked across the backyard to the house. “Girls! The food’s ready! If you don’t come down I’m feeding it to the dog!” “Dad, we don’t have a dog!” Katherine shouted back slightly annoyed. The girls ran down the stairs. Freddy chased Katherine outside in a goofy fashion. “Dad, I’m getting too old for that!” “What to have fun with your old man? I don’t think so!” Freddy quickly walked to greet the new guests shaking hands and saying hello, he seemed to make a show out of greeting people. I spent most of the time to myself. I felt as though my soul had lifted from my body and peered at the partygoer’s below. I didn’t feel like socializing anyway.

As the sun began to set people began to retreat to their homes, leaving only me, Sarah, and the twins. The girls returned upstairs while we enjoyed a glass of wine in the kitchen. “Oh! Tim I gotta show ya something!” Said Freddy. He led me to the garage where a vehicle was covered by a tarp. Freddy yanked the tarp off revealing a bright red convertible. “Ain’t she something?”

He said with a look of pride. “Wow Fred this extremely nice.” “I know, and you won’t believe it she was fall’n apart when I first saw her, so I’ve been fix’n her up.” He must’ve picked up on my inattentiveness, he looked at me with full attention. “sorry, bud here I was bragging about my car, and I shoulda asked about you.” “Oh, forget it, it’s work trouble.” I replied. “Yeah it’s a damn shame what’s happening, I’m sure you’re stressed.” I nodded. “I saw in the paper that a new body was found, were there any clues about who coulda done it?” “Sadly not.” He looked me in the eye, and my blood ran cold “I wonder how her parents must feel.” At once I was consumed with nausea, and I excused myself from the garage. I found Sarah talking to Loretta in the living room “honey, I’m going to head out.” “Oh, okay, I’ll get the girls, and-“ “ no, no you stay I just need to go lay down.” I walked out into the neighborhood the night sky had set in by this point, and everyone was shut up in their homes. The whole walk I couldn’t get Fred’s stare out of my consciousness. Despite his concerned demeanor, his eyes were a striking green, that were almost hypnotic, the glamour had lifted, and suddenly I found myself in the clutches of a viper. I saw nothing but death in them, and I shudder to think that being the last thing I witness before my demise.

I returned home from work one day, to find Lisa in the living room staring at the newspaper in her hands. She was completely motionless; for a moment time stood still, as we stood in the silent living room. She was staring at something on the front cover, I went over to her, and gently placed my hand on her shoulder. The headline read Springwood Slasher Claims Another Victim, with a yearbook photo of Katy. Lisa turned to me, and buried herself in my arms. I couldn’t think of anything to say, so I just embraced her as she wept. The girls both became more quiet and withdrawn after that. At night Sarah and I would talk at length about what to do, unfortunately it only resulted in conflict. Eventually I found myself retreating to the basement, instead of tossing and turning in my bed. I would spend hours poring over the evidence from the Springwood Slasher case. The deeper I became engulfed with finding answers, the less tethered my relationship with my wife and children became.

One morning I stayed home sick from work the house was empty Sarah had gone to work, and the girls were at school. I had boxes of evidence strewn across the living room, I was so focused that the doorbell made me jump. When I opened the door I was surprised to find Fred. He was timidly standing on the stoop clutching his brown fedora. “Hey Freddy, how’s it going?” “Hey Tim, I don’t mean to bother you, I just wanted to drop by and say hi” he said sullenly. “Why don’t you come in?” “Thanks.” I hastily picked up the living room “don’t worry about this, I decided to get some work done. Feel free to sit down.” Freddy sat on the edge of the couch, it was evident that something was bothering him. “ So, uh how’ve you been?” I asked. “ To be honest, not great.” He replied, his eyes shook, and tears began to fall from his eyes. “I’m sorry, Tim I don’t mean to put this on you, I just, I just-.” “Hey, don’t worry about it. Can I get you anything? Coffee?” He shook his head. “No thanks. It’s Loretta, she left me. I was at work, and she called me, that’s when she told me that she was leaving. After that I couldn’t focus, so I took the rest of the day off.” I sat there across from him stunned by what I just heard. “Did she say why?” Freddy shook his head, then placed it in his hands. “ What about Katherine?” “She’s still at school, I’m not sure what I’m going to tell her.” “My god Fred, I don’t know what to say, that’s terrible, well you know where to find us if you need anything.” “Thank you Tim.” That night I was in the bedroom with Sarah, and I told her what had happened earlier that day. She looked at me with utter disbelief. “ I talked to Loretta a couple of days ago, we were in the kitchen talking, I asked her about Fred, and she suddenly got very tense. She started crying, she seemed afraid. I’ve never seen her like that, but she wouldn’t just vanish.”

I laid in bed ruminating, I couldn’t sleep, eventually I decided just to go downstairs, and stared out the living room window. Not too long after I saw headlights make their way down the street, as they got closer I realized they belonged to a red convertible.

All at once my suspicion formed into an urge to take action. I got into my car, and began to follow the convertible. Despite my guilt, despite knowing I should’ve followed protocol, by that point I had become overtaken by pure instincts, I wasn’t a cop that night, but a terrified father. Little did I know I would be forever changed.

I was led to a power plant, where I realized is Fred’s work place. I found his car parked in some quiet corner of the plant. For a moment I felt stupid that I followed him to where he worked, but I just had to put my mind at ease. I got out of my car, the sounds of machinery echoed in the night. The looming stacks made the plant look like some ancient ruin. I found a doorway not far from where he parked. Right to the left were some small windows illuminated by firelight. I crouched down through the murky glass I could see him. To my horror I saw a desk covered in missing child posters and newspaper clippings. He pulled out a box in it was a metal plated glove attached to the finger tips were four blades. I couldn’t watch anymore, I was possessed with rage. I opened the heavy metal door revealing a dingy staircase. As I made my way down the fire was my guide in the dark hallway, like I was entering the depths of hell meeting the devil himself. When I entered the boiler room he turned around in shock. Thinking about my family, the sleepless nights, the trust I had in him, all cultivated in an act of violence. I lunged at him knocking him to the ground. “ You son of a bitch! “ I struck him more. “ What you don’t have anything to say?!, I let you in my home! You know where my children sleep! Goddamn you!” He looked up at me with fear, the kind of fear without a hint of remorse, that his reign of terror is over. For the first time I felt true hate.

When I brought him into the station my pain was not resolved. I was bitter, and sorrowful, that the thing infecting my life was living right down the street.The evidence that was found sickened me a scrap book of newspaper clippings, missing child posters, and a box of Polaroids with a parent’s worst nightmare. Soon after Krueger’s arrest Katherine was placed in foster care, Loretta’s remains were never found.

The girls were devastated, withdrawing from both Sarah and I, but especially me. I fell into a depression, Sarah tried her best to pull me out, however I was overcome with despair. When the date of the trial arrived, most of me wanted nothing more to do with the case, except a slight feeling of hope that I’d see that bastard rot behind bars forever. However that never happened. Due to my impulses I failed as a police officer, I forgot to read him his rights. Thus Krueger walked out of the courtroom as a free man.

That night after the trial I and some other parents in the neighborhood tracked him down to his boiler room. We found him sitting against the wall with a look of pride as he smoked a cigarette. I struck him in the face, the cigarette landing on the ground. I yanked him up off the ground dragging him by his jacket lapels. As someone began to pour gas all over the room. “Whatcha gonna do arrest me? He mocked. “Fine burn it! You know I’ll never see a cell!” He shouted. A match was lit and the place began to burn I looked at Fred, his eyes met mine the sparks reflected in them, I felt as though I was in the presence of the arch fiend. We looked at each other in a mutual hatred. I decided then and there it would end. I pushed him back down into the flames, he began to burn. He shrieked in agony, it sounded like the cry of an inhuman creature. “ You’ll fucking burn for this! Do you hear me!” Freddy screamed. One of the others began to pull me out of the room. “ Tim we gotta go!” With that we made our way outside I looked back one last time, the small windows ablaze the smoke began to trickle out. I could still hear his muffled screams.

The drive home was a somber one. The whole way I could still see his eyes, his screams with every passing car. I found Sarah standing in the living room. I couldn’t think of anything to say. She moved close to me, and I fell in her arms.All the tension, the misery I held inside released itself all at once, in gushing tears. We embraced each other in the soft light of the moon.

[linkspooky]

Hiii spooky I how have you been enjoying season 2 so far? After seeing the characters being brought to life I’ve realised one thing and that is that Suguru is really hard for me to grasp and I don’t know how to portray him. On one hand he seems dark and brooding and serious but then he’s also goofy and deeply caring and he’s not ashamed to show it. He has lots of soft smile but then we see him smile like 😊 that when Riko manages to annoy him. He seems to have so many facets in a way that other characters just don’t…? and maybe in theory his behaviour and parts of his personality seem contradictory, but it doesn’t actually feel like it is?? because he doesn’t really put on any mask, at least his teen self doesn’t, and you can kinda tell what he’s feeling… he’s not as loud as Gojo, he doesn’t really express himself verbally, but to me he’s still more open than him. You can see his emotions on his face or in his body language because he doesn’t really try to hide them, whereas Gojo as loud and expressive as he is.. I often find myself struggling to tell what exactly he’s feeling.

I’ve also seen many people portray Geto as “nice and polite but that’s just for appearances and he’s actually bad and cruel” which feels like a pretty flat interpretation of him… I’m really struggling as you can tell I think I might be missing the point entirely lol I just wanted to know your thoughts on it.

Hello, anon! Thank you for the opportunity to talk about Geto! You are correct in that he's a far more nuanced character than a lot of people give him credit for. The popular fandom belief is that Geto was lying about his ideals all along, but I think it's the opposite. Rather than a liar, Geto's real problem is that he's true to himself to a fault. I'll address your ask and talk more about this under the cut.

Fandom Geto

I’ve also seen many people portray Geto as “nice and polite but that’s just for appearances and he’s actually bad and cruel” which feels like a pretty flat interpretation of him… I’m really struggling as you can tell I think I might be missing the point entirely lol

In my opinion the fandom in general tends to flatten Geto's character for two reasons, number one they want to make Geto look worse to make Gojo look better by comparison. The second and more relevant is that they want to otherize Geto because his beliefs are so extreme. That someone who can slaughter people on that large of a scale must have been cruel to begin with, a normal person, especially a good one isn't capable of that.

Which I think misses the point. Geto wasn't shown as someone with cruel tendencies to begin with, the entire hidden inventory arc showed how much it took him to be pushed off the edge like that, with factors like trauma, witnessing the deaths of sorcerers his age, and the jaded adults around him who made no real attempts to reach out to him and help him in time all contributing factors to his downfall.

"An endless cycle of exorcism and consumption. Exorcise. Consume. It's a taste that nobody knows. The taste of a curse. Like ingesting a rag used to wipe up vomit. Exorcise. Consume. For whom? Ever since that day... it's been running through my head."

What makes this monologue so effective is it summarizes a year of Geto constantly questioning himself as his mental state deteriorates. I do believe Geto always looked down on the weak, but he did it the same way that Gojo did. He separated himself in a different category from others, both Gojo and Geto believed that they were on the side of the "strong" and that put them above others. It's just on top of that Geto believed that standing above others came with the obligation to protect them, and that was the part that came into question.

However, if he believed weak people were "monkeys" from the start, if his desire to protect them was a false belief than he wouldn't have taken an entire year of spiraling before he snapped. The manga wouldn't put such intense focus on #1 Geto's internal world, and #2 Geto struggling with trying to figure out what his ideals and beliefs really are if he was just hiding a darker and crueler set of beliefs.

For example, we have Maki a character who five minutes after the death of Mai decides to massacre the entire Zen'in Clan even the members who had absolutely nothing to do with it, as opposed to Geto who wrestled with the idea of it for a year, and Maki doesn't get the same accusation from the fandom of being cruel and violent all along. Geto's a character of internal struggle. His righteous nature is what led him astray. Not because he was lying to himself, but because he was trying to find what the right thing to do was. It's just his idea of right and wrong got eschew because of the incredibly grey and myopic nature of the Jujutsu World.

Geto's True Feelings

He seems to have so many facets in a way that other characters just don’t…? and maybe in theory his behaviour and parts of his personality seem contradictory, but it doesn’t actually feel like it is?? because he doesn’t really put on any mask, at least his teen self doesn’t, and you can kinda tell what he’s feeling…

I agree with your assesment that Geto is a character that's true to himself rather than a character that's putting up a false front. Geto is a character that contradicts himself a lot, one example is pointed out to us by Gojo. That he justifies his slaughter of non-sorcers for a bigger goal of creating a world without curses, and yet Geto himself isn't strong enough to actually make that ideal a reality. There's basically no scenario where he could have won, like theoretically maybe Gojo could have done it, but killing every single human being was just impossible for Geto.

Which is where we get to the point that Geto is twisting logic around to justify himself and his slaughter of innocents, but at the same time the Jujutsu Kaisen light novel adaptation of JJK0 says this isn't a lie, but rather Geto's attempt to remain true to himself.

To live for the purpose of being yourself. And for that goal, Geto could only continue to pursue his twisted dream, drowning himself in a curse that lies in the gap between ideal and reality. This was the final confession of a man who could only choose to wrap himself, who had erased himself in pursuit of his goals.

The gap between ideal and reality is a pretty significant phrase for describing Geto, because part of what broke Geto is he sees the world as how it should be, rather than how it is. Geto's failure is in part a failure to adapt when he sees the darker side of the world after Riko's murder.

In my opinion the animated version of this scene is far better than that of the manga. In the anime it shows Geto staring at the crowd joyously celebrating Riko's death who are all complicit in it while he tries to list off reasons why they don't need to take vigilante justice out on the crowd, beause there are systems in place that will punish these people on their own.

Geto is trying desperately to convince himself that these people will see justice, because the world is a fair place. All the while Gojo just walks away, because Geto's answer "There's no meaning in that" is a good enough answer for him. Geto desperately needs to search for a reason and convince himself that what they're doing is the right thing, whereas Gojo doesn't really share Geto's habit of questioning the world around him.

This moment reminds me of a quote of Megumi's at the beginning of the manga "Karma doesn't happen on its own" he later goes on to describe how the justice system and jujustu sorcerers are systems set in place to try to make the world a fairer place. Geto wants to believe that too, even when he's shown direct evidence that Jujutsu Society isn't idealistic at all.

Which, Gojo doesn't really question the society around him until after Geto's defection. He doesn't see a problem because Gojo is the perfectly fit cog, he's born into this society and he's the best at what he does. I think one important thing is that Gojo is the chosen one of the Gojo clan one of the three major houses. The golden child. Whereas Geto who is someone just as gifted as Gojo for the most part, has non-sorcerer parents and therefore was born outside of their society. Which it makes sense why he'd have more of an outsider's point of view, whereas Gojo can accept these things for a long time because that's just how they are, he grew up with this.

Geto's not lying to himself about his beliefs, rather he witnesses the world is not as just as he thought it was, and then struggles between two really opposite beliefs. Which is something Yuki Tsukumo pointed out to him.

Yuki: Do you hate non-jujutsu sorcerers? Geto? Geto: I don't know...I used to think Jujutsu Sorcerers existed to protect non-sorcerers, but recently I've been doubting whether or not non-sorcerers are worth fighting for... [insert monologue here] I don't know which are my true feelings. Yuki: Neither is. You're not at that stage yet. Looking down on non-sorcerers, resisting that feeling...those are just possibilities you've tought of. Whatever your true feeling is, you still have to decide.

If Geto wanted to slaughter non-sorcerers from the beginning it wouldn't be a deliberation for him. He wouldn't be arguing himself and trying to justify himself for over a year. Geto is basically caught between ideals and reality. The ideal is that his work as a sorcerer to protect people is good and making the world a fairer place. He wants to believe that there is meaning behind his work, that he's doing the right thing. The reality he's faced with is the senseless slaughter of people like Haibara. The idea that he is just a cog in the machine that will continually sacrifice more and more sorcerers. That therefore their sacrifice is not making the world a better place, and not justified. He can't face the reality that he and his friends are expendable... and really, who can?

"If being a Jujutsu Sorcerer is like running a marathon... what if what's at the end of that road is a mountain of our fellow sorcerer's dead corpses?"

Ironically, it's Geto's search for the right thing that leads him astray. He becomes unable to see any point in the continual sacrifices the strong sorcerers have to make for what he views as the ungrateful weak non-sorcerers. I don't think he believed that from the beginning though, because as you pointed out above his interactions with both Kuroi and Riko who are non-sorcerers shows a lot of care for their emotions and well-being. If he never cared about non-sorcerers, than he wouldn't have reacted as badly to Riko's death as he did.

he doesn’t really put on any mask, at least his teen self doesn’t, and you can kinda tell what he’s feeling… he’s not as loud as Gojo, he doesn’t really express himself verbally, but to me he’s still more open than him. You can see his emotions on his face or in his body language because he doesn’t really try to hide them, whereas Gojo as loud and expressive as he is.. I often find myself struggling to tell what exactly he’s feeling.

Gojo and Geto are foils and inversions to one another, so I agree with what you stated that while Gojo is loud his true feelings tend to be more concealed whereas Geto for the most part makes his care and concern demonstrably known in the first few chapters of hidden inventory.

There's the famous "Geto and Gojo both make fun of Utahime for being weak in different ways" that a lot of people cite as evidence for the fact Geto looked down on weak people all along, but as I stated above his way of looking down on them is he saw them as a seperate category than himself a strong person. However, I don't think that means his attempts at taking care of Riko are insincere.

Gojo and Geto are both shown as looking out for Riko, Geto does it in more obvious ways and Goo does it in more subtle ways, but that just shows the difference in their personality. Gojo is rude and obnoxious on the surface, but thoughtful on the inside. Whereas Geto true to his nature makes an effort to be considerate and look out for people. One of the reasons I put the conversation between Gojo and Geto as the banner image for this post is because it shows Geto's naturally considerate personality, going out of his way to ask if he's okay. Geto is direct. There's a mirror scene to that later where Gojo notices Geto has lost weight, showing he does in fact get a grasp that something is wrong with Geto, but chooses an indirect approach of asking for it.

Geto goes out of his way to give Riko more free time and time to spend with her friends even though it makes the mission more inconvenient because he recognizes these are her last few days on earth. It's Geto who notices that Kuroi is essentially family to Riko.

When Kuroi is kidnapped, Geto is deeply troubled by his failure and blames himself. Geto shows his concern in a direct way being troubled by Kuroi's disappearance, whereas Gojo shows his concern in an indirect way, setting up a kind of sink-or-swim test for Riko where he tells her she can only come with if she's ready to face the fact that Kuroi might be dead and she can't back out halfway through. All as a test of her resolve. They both care and have different ways of showing it.

Gojo shows his concern for Riko by insisting they stay another day for her sake, and Geto only argues against it because he's worried Gojo is pushing himself too much with his use of the limitless. Geto's visibly happy to see both Gojo and Riko enjoying thmeselves and views the scene with a soft smile. He reassures Kuroi not to worry about letting herself get kindapped because they handled it just fine.

They both cared about Riko, they both agreed to help her quit the merger. Geto's desire to protect her is one hundred percent sincere, this is when he still believes in his ideal of protecting the weak, and he's following that ideal through. That's why his way of reassuring her is saying "we're the strongest" because that's how the world is supposed to work in his ideals. The strong protect the weak, and if you're the strongest you should have no trouble protecting others.

When both the world and Geto fail to live up to that promise that's where he begins to question himself. Which is where I want to get to one of the major differences between Gojo and Geto. All centering around Geto's final words.

"In a world like this, I couldn't be truly happy from the bottom of my heart..."

There's a scene someone pointed out to me in a twitter thread at the end of the Shibuya arc where Nanami contemplates retiring to Malaysia just as he dies doing his job and fighting against many cursed spirits and then is executed by Mahito. All because he chose to stay and fight until the last minute. At the end of the arc, we see Mei Mei fled the battle half way through and is now comfortably sitting in a hotel room in Malaysia. Mei Mei is someone who is implied to abuse her younger brother, whereas Nanami is someone who stated it's the duty of adult sorcerers to protect children and goes out of his way to do that for Yuji.

One of them lives because she is selfish, and even an abuser, the other dies. The first is the kind of person that benefits from the corruption of Jujutsu Society, the second is swallowed up from it.

The line Geto couldn't be truly happy from the bottom of his heart also refers to this fact, Geto just couldn't cope with the reality of Jujutsu Society because it's an increidbly myopic and cynical place where the people who get ahead are selfish people who simply don't care about others and frequently use and abuse others to get ahead, and the ones who get swallowed up are people with good intentions like Nanami. This is the world he can't cope with. He's fundamentally incompatible with Jujutsu Society and driven out of it because he wants to do the right thing, not because he was evil to begin with.

Whereas Gojo also sees Jujutsu Soceity as something rotten don't make any mistake, but he's also someone who is able to function in Jujutsu Society much better that Geto because he was born inside of it. Geto is driven out and Gojo seeks reform from the inside because he's like the ideal of jujutsu society, and he was born to be. He's selfish, and egotistical, and he's so strong he can bully the elders and throw his weight around. Of course Gojo doesn't really abuse his power, that's what makes him so interesting a character, he has all this power and for the most part uses it responsibly to exorcise curses for the good of society rather than abuse it for his own sake.

However, he can stay within that society because he's used to it, a lot of things about that society he accepted how they were for a long time until he saw the toll it took on Geto. Gojo is the ideal of Jujutsu Society, he's held up as the model sorcerer of the corrupted society so it takes him a long time to spot where that corruption is. When he does he also wants to do something about it like Geto does, but he takes it in a more measured way he's not driven out because he's intrinsically a part of that society.

Whereas for Geto he's just one hundred percent incompatible with Jujutsu Society as a whole, one because his idealistic nature just doesn't mix well with a dog-eat-dog cynical society where everyone is out for their own gain and people like Mei Mei climb to the top. Number two, Geto himself has a very uncompromising nature. He's sincere to a fault. He doesn't really deal well with moral greys. He can only exist in a black and white world where he has clearly defined goals of good and evil, he just sort of flips white for black, and black for white.

Thus Gojo is much better at coping with that society as a whole and trying to find a way to work inside the system, but also to begin with he's not someone who naturally questions things the same way that Geto does. In fact in general I would say another point of foiling between them is as you pointed out, Geto is someone far more true to himself not wearing any masks, whereas Gojo's loud personality is a mask. We are privy to Geto's thoughts and his internal world, we basically spend the entire hidden inventory arc inside of his head. Whereas with Gojo he is so distanced from his own emotions oftentimes the audience themselves don't get to see what they really feel and are left guessing. Even the people around Gojo aren't really aware of what his real feelings are, his students and all his coworkers basically just summarize him as "he's the strongest."

Geto basically drowns inside his own head trying to figure out what his true emotions are, whereas Gojo is someone so distanced from what he really feels he's completely alienated himself from the people around him. Hence why Shoko can say stuff like "damnit, I've been right here all along for eleven years idiot" while Gojo monologues about how alone he is in front of her.

Which is what really makes them such good character foils. It's not one is good, one is bad, one is a liar, one is telling the truth, they're actually just both idiots.

[coimbrabertone]

Hear Me Out...It's Not Logano's Fault

I'm going to preface this by saying I'm not a Joey Logano fan at all. I think the Shell/Pennzoil scheme is decent, but the two different shades of yellow are annoying, I wish Pennzoil would let them put the logo across the rear fender, and in my opinion, it looks worse with the next gen rims than most schemes.

As for Joey himself, well...I kinda find myself agreeing with the whole "two-faced" comments. He's this smiling, kinda awkward suburban dad type guy out of the car, but then in the car he's super hotheaded and aggressive. It doesn't line up. That doesn't inherently mean it's an act, just that racing brings out a different side of him.

All that being said...I don't really think he's to blame for the 2024 NASCAR championship.

So, for context: yesterday was the final round of the NASCAR playoffs. Sixteen drivers make the playoffs based on regular season performances: this year, fourteen won their way in, and another two (Ty Gibbs and Martin Truex Jr.) got in on points.

Three rounds of three races followed, whittling down the field from sixteen to twelve to eight and finally four.

This year, the final four were:

Tyler Reddick, driving the #45 for 23XI Racing - Tyler won the regular season championship, won at Talladega and Michigan in the regular season, and won Homestead in the Round of 8 to make the championship four at Phoenix.

William Byron, driving the #24 for Hendrick Motorsports - William won the Daytona 500, Circuit of the Americas, and the spring Martinsville race. In the Round of 8, he squeaked by into the finale thanks to the help of Ross Chastain and Austin Dillon, whilst Christopher Bell was penalized for a wall ride. You can read more on that in last week's blogpost.

Ryan Blaney, driving the #12 for Team Penske - Ryan was the 2023 champion, and this year, he won at Iowa and Pocono to make the playoffs, and then won Martinsville in the Round of 8 to make the championship four.

Joey Logano, driving the #22 for Team Penske - Joey had the most circuitous route to the playoffs. He won at Nashville off the back of five overtimes and Hail Mary fuel save, won the first playoff race at Atlanta to advance to the Round of 12, got eliminated in that round at the Charlotte Roval by Alex Bowman, and then got reinstated in the playoffs when Alex Bowman was disqualified. Joey then, back in the Round of 8, won the first race of the round at Las Vegas to lock himself in the championship four.

So, one win in the regular season, a plate race, advancing through someone else's disqualification, and then even at Las Vegas - Joey's most legitimate won of the season so far - Bell was clearly the fastest car that day, but Logano got out ahead through strategy and managed to hold him off for the win.

Naturally, people started taking notice of this.

Already, they started saying that if Logano won - who was 15th in points at this point - would be an undeserving champion.

Some went so far as to claim it would be the final nail in the coffin for the playoff system.

So of course...Penske shows up to Phoenix and dominates. Joey Logano gets out into first, holds off Ryan Blaney, and Penske finishes 1-2 in the championship.

Joey Logano wins the 2024 championship with an average finish of 17.11 and based on a full season points format like the Winston Cup was, he'd still only be eleventh, despite the three wins late in the year.

Some have deemed it the worst championship performance of all time.

However...

What did you want Joey Logano to do? Not win the championship?

I don't like the guy, but like...he's a racing driver, of course he's going to do whatever he can to win the championship. He hasn't been particularly good or consistent through the season, but this format has kept him in play, so of course he's going to try and win his way to Phoenix and take a third championship.

Joey Logano doesn't care if you think his titles are illegitimate. He still gets his name up there with the likes of Petty, Earnhardt Gordon, and all the other multi-time NASCAR champions.

If a driver can win, they're gonna try to win.

The problem is the playoff format. Logano was fifteenth in points with one win but because the playoffs start with 16 teams, he was allowed to fight for the championship. Then, the win and advance format let him lock himself in right away with Atlanta. The Round of 12 was weak for him, but Bowman got disqualified and Logano was next in line in the points, so of course he was going to advance.

He went from out of the playoffs to back within a chance of winning the title overnight. So...he wins at Las Vegas, locks himself into the championship four, and gets to use Homestead and Martinsville to prepare for Phoenix.

And that preparation shows, because Blaney and Logano were far and away the fastest cars in Phoenix.

Logano got ahead with a pass early in the final stint, Blaney was faster and tried to pass him back almost immediately, but Logano was able to hold him off. Aero blocking, forcing Blaney to use the useless upper lane in the corners, and focusing on maximizing his exit onto the brief straightaways.

In short, Logano and Team Penske have figured out how to min-max the NASCAR playoffs.

Logano effectively won the championship with the fewest wins possible.

Once in the regular season, twice to move on in the playoff rounds, and then at Phoenix to win the championship.

I suppose that technically speaking, the fewest number of wins would be one. Win in the regular season to get into the playoffs regardless of whether or not you're consistent, manage to advance each round by points, and then have a non-playoff car win at Phoenix so you can win the championship without having to win in the championship race.

So perhaps Logano's season isn't the bare minimum the format requires, but it's pretty damn close.

Which again, not the driver's fault. They're going to try and win the championship for as long as they can. Logano had a shitty season, but the playoffs kept him in it all the way, and he was able to do enough to win it.

The fact that's enough to win it is the format's fault.

Let's go back to 2003 for a moment. NASCAR says that the playoff format was in the works for a few years before the 2003 season, but 2003 was widely seen as the reason why the chase format was ultimately adopted.

Matt Kenseth in the Roush #17 won in the third round of the season at Las Vegas and then consistent results kept him in the lead.

Meanwhile, Ryan Newman in the Penske #12 won at Texas, Dover, Chicagoland, Pocono, Michigan, Richmond, Dover again, and Kansas.

People didn't like the fact that a driver winning one race won the title while another driver took eight wins.

Two problems with that.

One: It's not like Ryan Newman was like second or anything, he was sixth. He didn't lose the championship because wins weren't worth enough in the Winston Cup points format, he lost the championship because he was checkers or wreckers all year long. Ryan took his first win of the season at Texas, but after that, he was 39th at Talladega, 38th in Martinsville, 42nd at Fontana, and 39th in Richmond. One win, followed by four races where he barely scored any points at all. That is why he lost.

Two: This year, Kyle Larson was the winningest driver, winning at Las Vegas, Kansas, Sonoma, Indianapolis, Bristol, and the Charlotte Roval. So if the format is supposed to favor winning, it didn't exactly do that, given that the championship four consistent of four guys who each had three wins, with Logano taking a fourth at Phoenix to win the whole thing.

So, this format doesn't favor winning the most, nor does it favor consistency. Instead, it favors winning at specific times.

Technically speaking, someone could win all twenty-six regular season races and then lose the championship off the back of a poor playoff run. Would that ever actually happen? No, it's not realistic, but it does show the flaws of this format.

And if you want more realistic proof that the regular season doesn't matter in this format, then just look back to 2015. Kyle Busch broke his leg, missed eleven races, and then used the playoff system to win the championship.

This is what NASCAR is now.

Logano in 2024 is just the latest example of that.

Don't hate the player, hate the game.

Well...I suppose you can hate the player too, just understand that the game is the real problem here.

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Non BL Fan watches Only Friends

Hey. Yeah so I'm still on this. So when Only Friends ended, it left kinda of a bitter taste in my mouth. I liked a lot of things about it but by the end it really didn’t leave a good impression. There’s been a lot written about it, about expectations, and branded pairs, and how fandom may have played a role in this, and how the writing maybe because of that kinda took a turn midway through the show. And it kept bugging me that these opinions were also rooted in our understanding of this type of media, and everything that comes with it. Be it branded pairs, all the bls that came before or the industry as a whole. But I couldn't really have any perspective because I'm part of the problem. I'm too close. So, the only way for me to kinda get over this was to get someone far removed from this to watch it. And here is where my friend Neely comes in. They're not a bl watcher. The only bl they ever watched was Choco Milk Shake which I think we can all agree would not influence their viewing of Only Friends. They are however the only person who I talk to about bl, or the only person who has the patience to listen to me, whenever I’m feeling particularly annoyed about something or just wanna share a good moment. I immediately sent them the olive oil scene (with only a tiny bit of context) because it was so beautiful that I needed to scream with someone about it. So anyway, I asked them to watch the show. They knew a couple of things about it, because I complained to them about it at the time, but they has no reference for it so, I don’t think that I influenced the viewing that much. Also they're pretty unbiased about everything.

So last night they watched the first 4 episodes and I’d like to share their thoughts with everyone who like me might be curious. Because they're the best person ever, he wrote a whole text about it so I could share. Also we're almost at the end of the year and this might be the thing that finally closes this chapter for me. This is what they had to say after watching the first 4 episodes.

(I'll be adding my own thoughts in purple)

After 4 episodes, mostly I think it's really predictable plot wise for anyone who's watched a general TV western series, like a Netflix production, which I was maybe surprised. The ways to cause drama and plot advancement are very similar. Of cpurse this is me saying this based on the other BL I watched (Choco Milk Shake) which felt much more out of the expected canon.

Just to get this out of the way: they're all toxic and terrible people, to the extent I find it very hard to connect to any of them. Just in the exposure parts of ep1 there's all of them being horrible to Ray for being drunk – even though they also are? - and to top it up later on they're all drunk, and the woman (sorry I should know her name but it's not like they're giving her any storyline or screen time (aside from, I almost forgot, randomly spraining her ankle 😂) for me to remember) I thought that the fact that this was obvious to them from the beginning was very interesting because I maybe gave them more rope in the beginning to expand on her because I thought she was gonna get more later. she's even drunker it seems but they all fall on Ray only; they literally complain he wants another drink and judgementally go "ewww more drinks don't you think it's enough" and dig into his drinking, he leaves, and then they continue drinking? This got even darker to me when the suicide attempt is revealed, and from then it became really hard to consider them friends? Maybe Mew and Ray but the dynamics of that are anyway weird. This is something I myself struggled with all through the show, like how are these people even friends? and I understand the point illustrated by @bengiyo in this post but I still couldn’t get over that. And maybe that’s just the way I see friendships that these people looked even worse in my eyes. Like I cannot compute them treating Ray like that, even if they're done of his drinking, when they know where he's at emotionally. It also doesn't feel they ever tried to help him so I don't think they have the right to be done, just feels like they don't care.

Top, toxic from day one with this challenge attitude towards fucking the virgin; and the gross way he speaks about it with Boston. It's a big no from me to both of them. It's not even them hooking up for me, Top is just kinda sleazy, manipulative, hyper entitled, I do not take anything he says as truth because he just feels so double faced to me. Even just these episodes he's already shown so many cracks: hiding the hook up with Boston (which I'm beginning to feel was more than a hook up?), the whole random drug dealing thing, how he objectifies Mew like a virgin-trophy when talking to Boston, how he manipulates him and also his weird jealousy and control. Ok, this is where I admit I was completely wrong. I thought that way of seeing Top was very influenced by the promotional material and the way the crew and actors talked about the character. And yet, without any prior knowledge he immediately disliked him. I was not expecting that to be honest. And in this case maybe I just wanted the character to go in a different direction so I kept not seeing the pretty obvious red flags. I mean I saw them but tried really hard to look behind them. My bad. Although we could both agree that he’s gorgeous.

I don't like Mew, but I don't think it's the characters fault or how it's written. It's just the troupe of character writing, especially in gay shows, that I can't stand. It's kinda cancer vibes (astrology lol). A bit not necessarily overt but a general sense of holier than thou cause he's a virgin and "has standards". I don't think he's leading Ray on, I think he actually kinda communicates well he just wants friendship. He could be clearer but also this is TV, so we need slight unclearness for drama purposes lol, but I'm not mad about that. Miss communication is the bane of my existence but it apparently makes for compelling television. Or not.

But generally this hot fuck everyone guy falling for the kinda dorky virgin is so dull to me, this virgin is always this weird insert of purity, more often than not an insert where the writer in one way or another projects himself into, to be able to judge the rest of the community, the moral compass (read: normative in terms of society expectations, also kinda mildly Christian coded, like girl next door in the village), and I do always find it a bit queerphobic. I'm not saying there aren't queers like that and that they shouldn't be represented, but the very intense and obvious writing decisions to position him as this moral center (also visually he's always wearing whites and pastels? Virgin mew, Virgin Mary! Lol) that makes all the other characters, often queer, seem kinda dirty and mean and unprincipled. I have nothing to add here because I agree with them on most of this, and I also think that it was never a coincidence to have a virgin in the middle of this group, to serve as the barometer of right and wrong. Cause he's the pure one so he must know what's right. I disliked mew almost instantly when the show started, because I always thought he was just a terrible friend and that’s the greatest sin of all. A small note that I think it's hilariously dumb that he's been protecting his Virginity for all this time and so like "omg it's hard for me, omg I go slow, omg I have a check list" and then it's like "you drop coke I drop pants", virginity done lol. This was just funny and accurate.

I am not talking about Boston right now cause I hate him. And I also hate that they wrote the slut in such a cliche but I do think they did. I remember you saying something people attacking him too much and him being slut-shamed, but he's written as villain quite clearly. Lol I think he's leading mobile phone shop guy on, it's very player manipulation vibe to be always giving him just a bit more to keep him going and the promise of something more open, when we know he just wants to fuck, and especially fuck when he's butt hurt about Top and Mew. And the way he's treating Mew, terrible friend; and also the advances on Top are far from boundary and consent-based lol. But also Top doesn't feel very interested in getting out, he just weirdly stands there silent being licked in the neck, so I blame both on that whole thing. I have to say that I never really read the shower scene like others might have, like obviously Boston was being terrible to Mew in that moment and not respecting Top's boundaries, but I also didn't see Top as helpless in this moment.

I think the only pair that gets away with actually being cute and not toxic and manipulative is Sand and Ray, they're my faves. Yey!! I find them very endearing and with so much chemistry. They're the only characters who honestly genuinely said sorry to each other and had some accountability when they fucked up with each other.

Even tho I'd like a bit more from Sand about the whole "burden to society" comments at the start - they annoyed me so much. The others it's manipulation after manipulation for me, and it doesn't allow me to get into them so it feels like deep lack of chemistry. Top and Mew's relationship feels really really really meh to me. And I don't know why they're friends, also cause very little of them as friends gets shown after ep1. Well they have the school project that keeps them together but other than that really, why? As I explained above I really struggled with the friendship aspect of all this.

But generally, I feel like the editing and writing are very like Mew is amazing and the others are horrible, and we do just get scenes of everyone being shit and Mew not being great but being naive and cutesy with a hint of superiority. Also you're a virgin your not a thumb stone, give your boyfriend a kiss sometimes. I thought this comment was hilarious but also obviously from a non bl watcher because that didn’t register to me, because I’m so used to boyfriends being so shy around kissing in bl that it didn't even cross my mind.

I think I'm slightly meh by all of them but partly is maybe my expectations too - I knew this one specifically was a bit westernized, but I was nurturing this little idea that it would feel a bit different, that some of the ways things were explored would feel different because of the cultural differences, but I do think you could sub all of the actors for white us-americans and the script would fly, you could probably even set it in a progressive state in the us and wouldn't have to re-write much.

So, I might totally be talking out of my ass, but what I'm left thinking is: is there really no culturally specificity to queer community there? is really all queerness and promiscuity in Thailand this performance of the west? Maybe it is, because of different social rules and expectations and freedoms, I really am not knowledgeable enough, but I'm just wondering if it's that or if it's just being made to be more palatable to me. And I think that's fine as a choice for them to know target audience, but I'm left wondering how the actual scene is in Thailand, what the social pressures are there and how they navigate them, specifically at this nexus of queerness and promiscuity. I also don’t know enough about the culture in Thailand to speak about it but I do agree with the point that this show could be made in us tv and they really wouldn’t need to change much. Without knowing anything about the creators of ofts, aside from the fact that they’re queer, they said later that they would compare it to something that Ryan Murphy could produce.

_

After I read this I had a chance to video chat with them briefly , and there were a couple more things that came up that I thought were really interesting. they were asking me about the actors and how well known they were, etc. Because they thought that the characters were purposefully being shown as really flat, and just bad with no redeemable characteristics and that maybe because the fandom already knew them and already liked them, they could do that without needing to waste time making us care for them, by giving us their good sides. Which I never really considered, but as with most things, our prior knowledge might play a part in this too. I know at least for me, I'm not gonna lie, the fact that I like Khaotung definitely made me care for Ray from the start in a way that maybe I wouldn't normally have.

Anyway, they'll continue to watch it and I'll probably post more of thoughts in the future. I also started to rewatch it slowly so I'll definitely keep thinking about this. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. 💜

[moonlightspencie]

do you still hope?

Part 3 of ‘a life where we work out’

Pairing: Dean Winchester x fem!Reader

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N: hm. this is an ending for sure

————————— -> READER’s POV <- —————————

I looked over my shoulder, staring in the direction of the bathroom. It had been an unusually long time since Dean had gone in. Even for him.

I checked my watch again. 17 minutes had passed so far.

I turned back to the table, sipping on my water now that all of the other dishes had been cleared away. I let out a harsh sigh, drawing Sam’s attention away from his laptop. He glanced over at me in question.

“It’s been nearly twenty minutes,” I said, trying to sound more annoyed that concerned. “We’re trying to save lives, and he’s locked in the bathroom.”

“Do you want me to go check on him?”

I looked at Sam who stared back with an almost amused look on his face. I shrugged at first, ignoring the nagging feeling in my body that wanted to be sure he was okay. Finally, I nodded.

“You probably should. I don’t want to be stuck in this town any longer than I need to be.”

He agreed, and both of us slid out of the booth. I sat back down as he started towards the bathrooms.

What if he couldn’t bring himself to be around me? Worse, what if he left?

No, he wouldn’t leave Sam.

Unless he did.

I fiddled with my hands on the tabletop, trying not to think about it. Until, Sam came back with a worried look on his face.

“What is it?”

He threw some bills down on the table.

“We’ve got to go. Dean’s gone.”

We jumped into my vehicle after a minute of deliberation. I tried justifying that he probably just needed to blow off some steam, but Sam made a great point that he’d likely at least take Baby. It was muggy out, and he wouldn’t be caught dead walking around in this for fun.

“Where do we go?” I asked, trying to stay calm.

“I don’t know.”

“Do you think it was the djinn?”

“Could be,” Sam nodded, pulling up the GPS.

It directed us towards where we’d all suspected it to be. I just hoped that this was the right place. Even more, I hoped that Dean had left of his own accord and we wouldn’t find him there at all. It was a significantly less likely outcome, though.

Everything was a blur as we let routine carry our actions.

We parked. Grabbed the knife dipped in blood. Double checked that our guns were loaded. Walked towards the building.

I didn’t allow myself to think past the present moment. One foot in front of the other.

We burst through the door, searching for any signs of life in the dingy old building. We had split up to cover more ground, though it was hardly necessary when I let out a loud gasp.

“Dean,” I mumbled, mostly to myself as I approached.

He was a little worse for wear, but in much better condition than I’d expected.

Sam came rushing over, though everything was still a blur to me except for the man in front of me. I knew he’d helped someone else down from the restraints they were kept in. I registered when he’d fairly easily stabbed the djinn with the knife we’d brought in. I saw as Dean came to quickly, his eyes widening as I released him from the way he was tied up. I heard Sam talking to me, though his words practically floated in one ear and out the other until I had Dean propped up against the trunk of my car.

“What the hell happened?” I said at last, my surroundings coming into view once again.

He looked shocked, staring anywhere at me but in my eyes.

“He knocked me out in the bathroom,” he said, swallowing. “You know how the rest goes.”

I scoffed, opening my mouth to say something else when Sam came along. The woman he was helping was definitely worse off than Dean had been.

We all piled into the car, dropping her off at the hospital. It left me plenty of time to come to terms with how my psyche had been handling this situation. I finally felt calm by the time we reached the restaurant, watching as Dean got into the impala. However, Sam stayed with me. Probably just so I’d have to go back to the motel with them in order to drop him off. Bastard.

We arrived, and now, of course, he decided to book it into the hotel room. I followed after, just to say goodbye. Though, I was quickly intercepted by Dean as he walked up towards the door of the motel.

He just stood there, staring at me once again. Still not looking me in the eye. But, to be fair, I was staring too.

I hadn’t expected him to be here. I certainly didn’t think I’d have to save his life once again. After a moment, I cleared my throat to break whatever tension laid between us.

“I should,” I trailed off, looking towards my vehicle. “After I say bye to Sammy.”

His eyes followed to where my gaze set, and I could see him physically fold in on himself a little. He let out a slow sigh, then set his eyes back on the ground between us.

“Just,” he stopped, interrupted by his own heavy breath. “Please. Come in and stay. Just for a little while. A few hours.”

I nodded slowly, something in his face telling me that he needed this. Whatever this was. I trailed after him, walking ahead when he opened the door for me. Sam gave me a soft smile when he met my eyes from where he sat on one of the beds, clearly trying not to scare me off. As if I was some wild animal they were herding into their room.

“I’m not going to make a break for it, you know,” I stated, looking between the two of them as Dean shut the door behind himself.

They fell silent for a moment.

I decided to take a seat in the meantime, settling at the table by the window. Dean shoved his hands in his pockets, looking anywhere but at me. Still. Sam sighed softly, sitting up straight on his mattress.

“We haven’t seen you in forever,” Sam said, shrugging slightly. “Can’t blame us for wanting to hold onto you a little longer.”

—————————— -> DEAN’s POV <- ——————————

I straightened at Sam’s words, suddenly finding the carpet really interesting. I heard her sigh heavily, though I still couldn’t find it in myself to look at her.

I hadn’t really gotten a good look at her since the warehouse. At least, I hadn’t made eye contact.

The last her I had taken the time to really keep my eye on wasn’t even real. But she still loved me. I wanted my memory of her to be just that: loving. I knew I wouldn’t find that now.

“I know,” she said at last. “I’m sorry.”

I took a chance to look at her, now. Her words were so soft and quiet, I was sure I’d misheard her at first. Looking at her, slumped in her seat, I was sure I hadn’t. I let out a breath, not able to take my eyes off of her.

My plan not to look her in the eyes suddenly experienced a miserable failure.

She locked eyes with me, giving almost an apologetic stare. One I wasn’t expecting.

But, there was something else I saw in her stare that I expected even less. I felt my breath catch, her brow furrowing at how I’d obviously stiffened. She opened her mouth to say something, but clearly thought better of it.

She turned in her seat. “Sam?”

He raised a brow. “Yeah?”

“I’m kind of hungry. Would you totally hate me—”

“Your usual?” he asked with a smile.

“Please.”

His smile only grew, taking this as a sign that she’d stick around a little longer. I handed off my keys immediately, still staring at her in disbelief. Whether or not Sammy had realized that she was distracting him didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered once he was out the door was how she abruptly stood and walked towards me, stopping suddenly a few feet in front of me.

I swallowed. “Hey.”

“Hi,” she breathed out. “What aren’t you telling me?”

I let out a slight laugh. Of course. When couldn’t she read me like a book?

She stared at me expectantly, but something told me she knew what she was walking into by asking that question. I softened under her watchful eye, my shoulders releasing the built-up tension I’d been carrying.

“Is it about wherever the djinn sent you?” she prodded.

“Yeah.”

“Tell me.”

I scoffed out a laugh. “Good to know you haven’t changed.”

She glared at me, though the sparkle in her eye told me she wasn’t as annoyed as she was trying to be.

“It was you,” I said simply, knowing there was no dancing around it.

“I figured as much by the way you haven’t stopped staring at me. What happened?”

I swallowed. “I didn’t want to leave, you know? At all. I could’ve stayed there forever and I’d have been fine. Real or not.”

I walked around her at last, sitting on my bed. She followed after, taking a seat next to me.

“It wasn’t just you. We had… We had kids. Another baby on the way. Mom and dad were alive, Sam was doing great,” I paused, laughing once. “Leaving was the hardest decision. I knew I had to get out of it. I had to snap out of it, but man, if I could’ve stayed I would have.”

I took a chance to look at her again. Her face hardly betrayed any emotions. She just sat there, watching me remember it messily.

Something came over me, though. Call it stupidity or bravery. There was a thin line between the two, anyway.

“Do you ever think…” I laughed again. Barely. “Do you still hope?”

The barely-formed question sat in the air between us like a wall. One I hoped like hell she’d take down.

“How couldn’t I?”

There it was. Crumbling down with three words out of her pretty mouth. Her hand reached for mine, taking it softly.

“That’s really where you went?”

“What would I have to gain by lying about it?”

She smiled softly. “Consider me flattered, then. That’s supposed to be your dream life, you know?”

“I know,” I nodded.

She looked at me again, and this time I was sure what I saw in her eyes. I saw it in that djinn-induced dream, too.

“I never stopped loving you,” she said, just above a whisper.

I let out a shaky breath, telling myself that now was not the time to cry. She gave me the softest smile, not a hint of anything but truth in her face.

I don’t know who leaned in first. All I know is that our lips met in the middle for the first time in what felt like an eternity. That life that I so desperately wanted with her might have been a little unrealistic. Maybe we’d never get out of this life. But she gave me hope.

[cherryshh]

CANCEL POST ON ( @frillara ) TRIGGER WARNING -- gojo satoru fondness, oil up comments towards screech, threats, abandonment, bowl cut phobia, among others. I do not to send any hate to iris , but this behavior cannot go unnoticed.

!! THIS IS ALL A SILLY JOKE. !!

"bread" is iris.

GOJO SATORU .. whatever thisshit is

<- Among the digital evidence. I find it highly disrespectful to make such comments about a fictional character. Trying to cover it up with "wrong chat" without proper atonement makes it worse. I expect a three-page apology with tears sewn onto it. This likely distracted Iris, causing our repeated virtual demises. Iris's fixation on Gojo disrupted our gameplay, which is against the TOS. Such behavior is unacceptable and must be rectified immediately.

SCREECH..... LOVE?

GC Iris made.... I can't even begin to explain how wrong this is.

THREATS

<- I regret to inform you that I could only procure these two screenshots. Despite Pufferfish's heartfelt confession and apology, Iris persists in the misguided belief that one can evade repercussions for jeopardizing the safety of our esteemed comrades. I extend my most sincere apologies to the affected parties. (Being a victim of one of these myself).

ABANDONMENT

During our session of playing Doors, Iris and our friend proceeded ahead, resulting in Puffy and me losing health. However, we have reason to believe this was part of Iris's nefarious scheme to dethrone Puffy and me from our Skibidi Sigma Club ranking. Iris took the lead in opening doors, and we suspect that Kiana innocently followed Iris, unaware of the sinister intentions behind it.

<- When we endeavored to enlighten Iris on this matter, she responded aggressively, demanding that we cease our efforts—an unmistakable indication that she holds no regard for the power of friendship.

STEALING

<- Even after being fully aware that Pufferfish had a mere 20% health remaining, Iris heartlessly took the band-aid that could have saved Kiowinnie. She attempted to mask her malevolent plot by claiming it was an accidental click, but we know that is far from the truth.

USE OF DARK MAGIC

<- Isn't it amusing? How, when Iris entered the room, Kiowinnie perished just moments later. Iris then blamed it on some nonexistent monster. We are all acquainted with tales of dark magic, aren't we? I believe this serves as compelling evidence that Iris possesses such dark magic, resurfacing after centuries of obscurity.

BOWL CUT PHOBIA

This is a hate crime. To my comrades with bowl cuts out there—don't let anyone discourage you. Some people simply cannot appreciate the artistic brilliance of such a distinctive hairstyle.

Overall, I am utterly appalled by Iris's behavior and firmly believe we must put an end to this—no more people should fall victim! It was difficult for me to speak up as a victim myself, but now that I have, I think we should all reflect on this and at least try to understand.

tags for reach ! @kiochisato @starhrtz @pinkmiku @eskeys @maidetta ( plz lmk if the tag annoys u )

[thestorieswesay]

Hi hi!!! For the ask game how about: 3, 6, 16, and 23!

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

The WORST take I have seen on tumblr is the idea that rape/noncon is "only" okay if you've been sexually assaulted and are using it as a form of catharsis. I am a CSA and rape survivor and I write noncon because I think it's interesting, hot, and yeah, sometimes it makes me feel good to put my favorites through the same thing I've been through. But there is no moral obligation in order to enjoy fic. You do not have to be This Traumatized To Ride.

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

Well, I've only ever been given rape and death threats from one pairing's 'fans' (this was 12 years or so ago). I wouldn't say they were 'annoying' because they were far more hurtful than that but there was a time when you couldn't ship Rumpelstiltskin with someone who WASN'T Belle without a lovely 'you should get raped again' in your inbox or worse.

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

I will preface this with saying that I have written a Soulmate AU in the Hazbin Hotel fandom and I have extensively plotted another one for Longmire. However, I really just don't GET the popularity of Soulmate AUs. I mean... a symbol or word or time on your wrist that shows who you are meant to be with? What about polyamory or multiple lovers scenarios? (This was what I wanted to explore in Longmire). What about immortal characters? I just don't like the 'neat' little boxes they try to make because love is too complex for that.

I also hate hanahaki fics. It's not the vomiting or the choking or even the metaphor for something beautiful killing you. I just find them gross even though I write plenty of vomiting in my long-ass SGU fic.

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

I did not ship Charlastor until I wrote it out for myself and then I realized how much potential it has if Alastor is not being written as a creep. (A manipulative whackjob, fine, but not a sexual predator).

[imaginespazzi]

PARRRRTTTT SEVEN REACCTTTIONNS

- nivi u angel bby thank you so much for the update!!! i always look forward to monday updates (west coast girly u did it with hours to spare) BUT REMEMBER don’t over work yourself over getting us updates!!! ily!!!

- my goal for the chapter is to stay far away from cliffs because i seem to always threaten them!

- stop paige’s little mini panic then relief when azzi and stephie are still there 😭😭 sweet girl went through it:(

- “and maybe this is how i become whole again.” oh hey it’s me, remember before i started reading i said i would stay clear of the cliffs? yeah well, fuck that! find me a cliff because i died dead. screaming, crying, throwing up. NIVI u are my evil genius but please please just protect her heart PLEASE.

- okay paige just left the bed if she leaves the house without speaking to azzi and stephie u might finally get some tears out of my eyes! i rlly don’t think she would but…

- stop poor drew 😢drew being annoyed with paige switching teams?!? im nervous for drew and azzi reunion.

- going to be honest i don’t really interact with azzis brothers stuff anywhere so i don’t know anything abt Tallulah but she seems so sweet in your fic ❤️‍🔥

- stop the fudds missing paige and talking about her😭😭 im on the floor next to the cliff bleeding out

- stop tim and paige mean so much to me

- stop paige legit tripping over her feet at the sight of stephie upset MY HEART

- STEPHIE ASKING PAIGE TO PROMISE SHE WILL NEVER LEAVE 😭😭 im scared

- I PROMISE ILL TRY TO STAY. fuck i’m scared

- god. your writing is a masterpiece. this whole situation is damaging my soul. i don’t hold it again azzi, im fully convinced she has her reasoning that were VAILD but oh my god i feel so bad for paige (this is not me saying that azzi didn’t go through shit too) but my poor bby is terrified i feel so bad ☹️

- stop stephie really is a mini azzi 🥹🥹

- love.

- kill

- me

- now

- let’s go back to me at the bottom of the cliff bleeding out, my pulse is barley there now.

- STWAAAPPPP paige spoils stephie it’s so cute

- YOUR DAUGHTER 🥹🥹🥹🥹

- i can’t tell if that helped or made my pulse worse

- hey so my baby fever is still here and killing me.

- “ONLY FOR YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER.” my pulse just gave out, flatlined, not breathing, dead 🤗 thank you so much.

- YES PAIGE YOU ARE SAFE WITH AZZI.

- JANNNNNAAA MY GIRRLL

- Aunty Chérie you say? hmm i can just smell paige’s jealousy

- “you’re supposed to be holding me and i’m supposed to be holding you; it was meant to be us.” hey so i somehow just died even more😁

- okay here is the thing, i feel for olivia i do. the situation most have been hurtful to her however, CUNT CUNT CUNT DONT U DARE EVEN THINK A NEGATIVE THOUGHT AGAINST THE AMAZING, PERFECT, GORGEOUS, SMART, TALENTED, LOVELY, AZZI FUDD. her and her passive aggressive comments can leave.

- OHHHHH AZZI FUDD, YOU ATE HER UP SHE MAY BE 5th BEST BUT MY GOD AREBU NUMBER ONE BY MILLLLLLLES.

- “if it was azzi” paige babe let’s fast forward to that divorce.

- also paige going on tik tok spirals abt azzi while her wife is in the same room is just WILD and kinda sad almost makes me feel bad for mrs. cunt (my sympathy for her evaporated the second when opened her mouth around azzi 🤬🤬)

- the whole last section. omg. i know i already died then came back to life but i am not FLINGING myself back off the cliff 😁

- GODDDD NIVI u talented, talented women i cant believe how you always are able to amaze me with your writing.

- i’m gonna be honest it’s 2am for me i started reading at 10 and i just finished. i kept having to take breaks because i was screaming, no tears though!

- chapter was 100,000/10

- QUESTIONS FOR NEXT CHAPTER:

- OKAY so ms french girl whose name i can’t remember at the moment is no longer playing with the valkyries… are we gonna get like flashbacks of azzi and her in future chapters?

- this may be dumb but if the olympics were 2028 next ones were, 2032 and its 2033 right? so did the other olympics pass? are we gonna learn more about that? did azzi and paige win gold? IM SO CURIOUS!!!!

- okay that’s all i got i think…sorry for yapping so much!

oh also i kept dying but it’s def gonna keep happening tbh

-🤩🤩

HI MY LOVEEEEEE <3

- You're literally the most precious soul ever and lowkey I really needed to hear that cause I do mayhaps stress just a little bit about updating so thank you :)

- I like that you said you were going to stay away from cliffs and then managed to get through exactly one bullet without jumping off a cliff...

- I lowkey don't know a lot about Tallulah either because I only really have second-hand knowledge of the lives so I'm just lowkey molding her into what works for the plot I guess? But I'm sure she's lovely irl too!

- Circumstance truly is a bitch because I think they're both pretty scared of things beyond their control being an obstacle again

- Baby you really went through it for a couple of paragraphs there huh?

- Listen if I have to suffer through baby fever, you're all suffering with me like I keep having to remind myself that a college dorm is not appropriate for a baby bassinet

- MRS CUNT made me cackle out loud

- Omg not 4 hours babes lmao but I'm glad I still haven't brought you to tears!

- Hmmm I lowkey don't think there will be flashbacks of Clémence like that because her and Azzi's past isn't quite as integral as their present (opposite of Olivia in a sense I guess)

- The next Olympics were in fact 2032...I wonder what happened? I wonder if we'll find out?

Never apologize for yapping, it makes me so happy to hear everyone's thoughts!

[moonlight-if-knight]

Prologue ~ Derek's POV

How did I end up like this?

The others just left the library, leaving me alone with Father and that human. The pauses between each heartbeat are getting longer, a clear sign that they don’t have much time left.

“You know how to do it.”

It wasn’t a question but a fact coming from him. How am I supposed to be sure how to do it if I’ve never done it before?

“I do not know how,” I find my voice and tell him.

“You saw me turn the others into vampires.”

“Just because I saw you does not mean I know how to do it myself.”

“You have never needed to have things explained to you in order to do them.”

Have I had any other choice?

“I still believe this is not right,” I try to change the subject.

It would seem like my father didn’t hear me, but that’s not true. He only chooses to remain silent while taking out a handkerchief from his pocket and starting to clean the face of the human.

“Why is that seeing someone in this state doesn’t affect you one bit?” he asks me as he cleans dirt and blood from their face.

I’m not Jeremiah. I don’t have the immaturity to still see humans in an emotive or affective way. I can’t afford that.

Although, if I’m honest, even with myself, I would have to admit that even after all these years, I still haven’t gotten used to the fact that humans come and go. I would have to admit that one part of me, however small it is, freaks out seeing a person like this and screams for me to do something.

But I will not do it.

“And just because it affects me, I should turn them without knowing if this is what they want?”

“Is it better if they die?”

“Only they can answer that.”

Because I know there’s something worse. And is someone who’s suffering by their mere existence.

“Have you thought of the possibility of them ending up like Lady Madeleine?”

“And now you bring that up once again,” his voice sounds annoyed.

“How can we be sure that they can adapt as well as us?”

“You said that when I turned Alexandre and Jeremiah. And as far as I see, I think the results are obvious.”

“But Maxi-”

“Maximillian is also fine. He had a little more trouble getting used, but now he is as good as us.”

“And what if they have troubles, too? We know nothing about their situation and what they’ll be leaving behind when they wake up, and we tell them they can’t go back to their home. What if they don’t want to? Or if they can’t adapt to the night?”

“That’s what you will do for the rest of your existence?” his voice changes again, sounding like one scolding a disobedient child. “Will you never act for fear of the ending not being the one you want?”

“You were the one who taught me to think about the consequences of my actions before acting.”

“But not in letting your doubts control you. You will not always have all the time you want to act. If you keep like this, you’ll achieve nothing new because when you have decided, it will be too late. Time doesn’t wait for anyone, not even us.”

“And this is a case when I have to act first before thinking carefully?” I extend my hands towards the sofa, pointing at the person on it. “According to my criteria, this is a case when I have to think about what I’ll do. Because what I’ll choose to do won’t only affect me or our family but their life too. That person will carry the consequences of what I do today for the rest of their existence.”

“They will have a chance, and that is what matters most. When they wake up-”

“We aren’t even sure they’ll wake up.”

...

There’s a deathly silence after my words.

I don’t dare to look into my father’s eyes.

“You have your order. Do it already.”

He turns away sharply and walks to the door. He stops before opening it, sighs heavily, and exits the library, resuming his act in front of my brothers.

Again. I talked too much again.

I always have to keep talking. I can’t let things be as they are. If only I could remain silent for once...

A heartbeat interrupts my thoughts.

That’s right. Now I’m alone with the human.

I look at them. They’re still on the sofa, looking like they don’t have many heartbeats left. I have to acknowledge their tenacity for being alive as long as they have and with so little strength left.

If I’m going to do it, it has to be now, before...

May the Moon forgive me.

I walk over to them and pick up what my father was doing earlier. I start to clean the dirt that has gotten to their arms.

These cuts aren’t because of falls or hits. They’re too clean to be the reason.

Hits, bruises, cuts... What happened to you? Did someone do this to you?

...I hope that later you will like to tell me what happened.

When I finish cleaning their arms, I bring my thumb to my mouth and rip my skin open with my fang.

For us, vampires, to share our curse with humans, we must give our blood. We have to be the first blood they taste, and it also has to come into contact with theirs. Said human also has to give their blood, as it’s a reciprocal act. This is how both end up marked forever, sealing the pact with the most important thing we can give...

Blood.

I remember the words Lord Mond told us all those decades ago when we newly witnessed the world without human eyes.

I let the drops of blood fall from my finger to their arms. With this, it should close all those wounds.

Then, I cut open the palm of my hand with my nail, clenching my fist to draw more blood and let it fall onto their abdomen. With this, it should start to heal that deep cut.

I bring my hand closer to their mouth, letting my blood slip between their lips.

Will this be enough? Maybe just a little more...

After a few moments, I retire my hand and clean it with my handkerchief. When I look at my hand, there’s no hint of any wound in my palm or thumb. Also, I use the cloth to clean the stains my blood left on their arms, and once they’re clean, they don’t have any wounds at all.

There’s only one thing left. I clean the human’s hand and lean closer, bringing it to my lips.

Just a little bit. I can’t take too much blood for all they’ve already lost-

My fangs had barely pierced the skin, and the blood touched my lips when I jumped away with a start.

What was that? Why was it different?

I can’t find the words to explain what just happened. This is not the first time I have drunk blood from a human, but this time...

It’s because I turned them. I did it. What have I done? No...

Forgive me. I am truly sorry.

I’ve no idea when I opened the door and left the room. I walk without stopping towards my bedroom.

I have to do something, anything. I don’t want to think about what will happen if you open your eyes or even if you don’t.

The only thing I know is that if you happen to wake up, I’ll be the one who will take the blame for your mistakes and the one responsible for you. It’s the least I can do for you.

A sigh escapes my lips as soon as I enter my bedroom and close the door.

If you happen to wake up, you will surely hate me for what I just have done.

[buckysgrace]

Chapter Five

Previous Chapter

CW: Drug use

Kim felt so awkward sitting in the car as Billy drove off from Addi’s house. Her tongue licked over her teeth, trying to will herself to ask him anything.

She hated herself. She wanted to be closer to him yet far, far away at the same time. She glanced at the side of his face and looked away again.

He was truly unbothered as he drove and smoked. She listened to his music, trying to pretend that she was far away from here. She didn’t know why he had acted like they had to leave that instant. She had walked there without his help and didn’t understand why she would need to get back home with his help.

“Where did you get your swimming suit from?” He asked at last. She figured he had been working on asking her that, waiting until Addi was gone so he could question her. She shrugged feeling bashful.

“From the mall. It’s just a swimming suit.” She pleaded her case as he looked over at her, through his sunglasses. He laughed.

“You know my dad wouldn’t say that. He’d say a lot worse if he knew about it.” He told her what she already knew. She sighed.

“Well, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right?” She smiled at him, but he just stared at her blankly.

“I’m getting tired of holding your secrets, you know.” He puffed his smoke out the window as the houses raced past them. She didn’t like to admit how much she enjoyed it when he went fast. Not quite at this moment, however, she was still feeling a bit ill from the three large brownies she had devoured.

“It’s not a secret. He just doesn’t need to know.” She defended herself. He was right though; she really didn’t trust him to be her secret keeper. She still wasn’t sure how much she could trust him, or if she could at all.

“Right and when he does eventually find out are you going to tell him you got it for the rich Harrington boy?” He mocked playfully and she felt herself growing irritated that he wouldn’t just drop the conversation. It was a bikini, loads of girls her age wore them.

“I didn’t wear it for Steve. I didn’t even know he was going to be there. God, you’re so annoying.” She huffed as she crossed her arms, not realizing what she had just admitted.

“Who?” She turned to face him again at the sudden question. She raised her eyebrows and waited for him to continue, “If you didn’t wear it for Steve then who did you wear it for?”

Shit, shit, shit, shit.

She blanched as she raked her mind for an excuse. She couldn't tell him that she had worn it for him, that she wanted to see just how crazy she drove him as well. She was too embarrassed to ever admit that.

“Who? Myself. I don’t need a guy to look at me like that.” She snapped back at him, hoping he would buy the answer. He turned to look at her for a moment and she glanced away to the road. She couldn’t let him know what she was thinking.

“Right. So, what are you going to ask this dude out or just keep staring at him like a creep?” She frowned.

“Like those moms that stare at you? Are you mad you have some competition?” She challenged, watching as he scrunched his nose while he smiled.

“Are you jealous or something? I don’t have any competition. I think you’re the only one that’s into Pretty Boy.” She knew he was wrong. She still heard the way girls talked about him. Not to mention she was pretty sure he had a girlfriend anyways.

Robin.

“Okay, yes, I bought some nice clothes at the beginning of the summer to impress him. Not that it matters because I didn’t wear it for him. He has a girlfriend anyways.” She added, clearly sounding defeated at the end of her sentence. Billy was silent for a moment before looking at her.

“Hey, I’m sorry. I’m just looking after you. In any case, he’s an idiot. You’re a lot better looking than any of the girls he’s ever been with.” Kim felt her face ignite as he complimented her. She convinced herself he was just being nice and wasn’t suggesting anything else.

Yet, Kim felt her heart pounding against her chest as she looked at him. He had clearly been watching her at the pool and they had stared each other down pretty hard if she admitted it. She took a breath of confidence.

“Did you think I looked pretty?” She crossed her right leg over her left one as she turned to face him, batting her eyelashes in his direction. She was just trying to annoy him the way he annoyed her, she promised herself.

His cigarette almost slipped from his lips as he looked at her, surprised by her sudden boldness, she was sure. He hastily threw it out the window, cleared his throat and put both hands on the wheel as he stared forward out the front window.

“Uh yeah, yeah you do.” He snagged his bottom lip between his teeth as he drove. She faltered for a moment as focused on how he said she does look pretty, not that she did. She watched as his hands tightened around the wheel, his fingers beginning to turn white as he gripped it so hard.

“I like feeling pretty," She leaned against the dashboard, testing her boundaries as her arms pressed against her chest and heightened her cleavage just a bit. His blue eyes slowly grazed over her body before turning back to the road. She watched as he shifted in his seat, trying to examine his body language the same way he seemed to know hers, “So can you please not tell Neil? So, I can continue to look pretty?” She pleaded softly. She figured she’d never wear the bikini again, but maybe she would.

“Yeah, yeah I guess.” He muttered, hitting on the gas a little harder. Kim lurched forward and adjusted in her seat to keep from flying against the dashboard. She shot him a glare as she sat back in her seat.

“What’s your issue with Steve anyways?” She watched him curiously. He turned to her; annoyance written across his face.

“He’s a dick.” Was all he said as he turned fast on the familiar street corner. A small squeal left her mouth as she pressed into the side of the door. Her heart hammered in her chest as he pulled onto the side of the street. 

He was out of the car quicker than she was able to unbuckle her seat belt. She reached for her pool bag, pulling it on her lap and making sure the best of her things was in order before she got out.

“You coming?” Her head snapped hard to the side when she watched him open the door for her. He’d never done that before.

She swung her long legs out and nodded at him. She rose from the seat, standing up straight and meeting his gaze. She moved out of the way as he closed the door, her back leaning back against the car door as he trapped her, standing inches away from there.

She felt her pulse begin to quicken, every breath she took pressed her chest up against his. He only stood a few inches taller than her but, in this position, it felt like he towered over her. She felt like she was a prey who had just been trapped by their predator, ready to be devoured.

“Hi.” She squeaked out watching the grin form on his lips. His fingertips traced along the side of her shorts as he watched her. She felt her breath hitch as she looked at him curiously, wondering what he was thinking. She couldn’t imagine what others would think if they saw the two of them standing this close together.

“Hi,” He grinned down at her, “You swear you didn’t wear that for Pretty Boy?” She wasn’t sure how to answer him, instead focusing on how his fingers felt like they were burning through her clothes and lighting her skin aflame. 

“No, I didn’t even know Steve was going to be there.” She didn’t understand why he kept asking her the same question or why he was standing so close to her with his hands on her hips. She was facing a moral dilemma as the line between them kept getting smaller and smaller.

Billy’s large hands began to rub circles through her shirt as a grin began to form against his lips. She looked away from his eyes, instead focusing on the necklace that dangled down his chest. Her heart was racing, she didn’t see Neil’s vehicle but that didn’t mean that he was gone. She didn’t know what either of them would do if someone saw them this close.

“So, who’d you wear it for? Don’t bullshit me, I know that’s not the type of clothing you wear.” He said simply, his eyes raking over her face. Kim felt flustered and knew it wasn’t from the hot summer sun beating down on the side of her face. The golden light hit Billy’s tan skin perfectly, showing off his freckles and tanned skin. He looked like one of the romantic heroes in the books that she would binge, and she hated to think of him in that way.

Kim looked at him, afraid of how she would answer him. She didn’t want to lie but there was no way she could tell him the truth. If she told him that she had worn that little bikini for him then he would know that he had some sort of hold on her. She could already imagine his disgusted expression and the way he would never let that die.

“I wanted to be noticed,” She spoke up after a moment, watching his soft eyes. She had never known someone to hold eye contact so intensely before, “Guys don’t notice me and I thought maybe this would help.” It wasn’t the exact truth, but it was as best as she could do. She couldn’t read the expression on his face as she leaned back against his car, ignoring how the blue paint was scalding from the sun.

“You’re going to give people the wrong idea,” He spoke after a moment, and she watched how his lips moved when he spoke. She had never noticed how annoyingly white and straight his teeth were, “Especially guys. They’ll just take advantage of you. They won’t even fuck you right, they’ll be too focused on their own pleasure. You deserve better than that.”

She thought she might have a heart attack with the way her heart was beating inside her chest. He was confusing her so badly that she didn’t know what to think. She couldn’t understand why he’d touch her like this and then slyly add comments that made her overthink the meaning.

Sure, she could brush it off as him being a protective older brother. They never had that relationship before. He had never cared about her existence other than to bicker about her needing to get her own license and to occasionally ask to copy off of her homework.

“What did you mean when you said if I needed help all I need to do is ask?” She asked so softly that she almost didn’t hear herself speak at all. A grin rose on his face as he began to pull away from her.

“I guess you’ll have to ask to find out,” By now he was standing a few feet away from her, yet she still remained squished against his car, “You’re watching Max and her friend tonight. I have a date.”

A date?

She felt her head spin around as she lurched off of his car and followed him up the steps into the house. She tried to keep up with his pace as she raced up the steps, ignoring how the cool, cold air from the AC felt nice against her sweaty skin.

“You have a date?” Her mouth felt like there was cotton in it as he turned to look at her, not looking the least bit upset. 

“Yeah, it’s Friday. I’m not going to sit around here all night and babysit.” He replied as he walked down the hall to his room. Kim stood in the same spot, fuming.

How was it even fair for him to have any right to tell her that no guy deserved her, when it was so easy for him to run off with whichever girl, he found interesting at the moment. She was sure, had she put in the effort at the pool, that she could’ve made some plans with Steve. Or even any other guy that was there at the pool.

She had options. There was someone out there that was interested in her.

“I’m not babysitting!” She yelled after Billy as he slammed his door shut. She didn’t even have to leave the pool with him, he made her. He dragged her all the way back to the house just so she could watch Max. She didn’t even know that Neil and her mom would be gone tonight, although she should’ve known better.

“It’s not babysitting,” Max spoke up from her room, peeking her head out. She looked very annoyed, “I have a friend over and we all know you have no plans anyways.” Max shrugged, looking too smug as she shut her door again. Kim groaned in frustration, stomping all the way to her room before launching herself on her bed. She pulled a pink pillow to her chest, resisting the urge to cry.

She blamed it on all the different emotions she’d been feeling and on the slight possibility that she may be starting her period soon. She didn’t want to admit that Billy had some kind of control over her. She wouldn’t sink that low.

She rolled over on her back, praying that this would be what she needed to tell her mind to fuck off and stop giving her such vivid and dirty images about him. She sighed, feeling an odd trembling sensation building in her stomach and spreading down her legs and arms. She brushed it off as anger.

She looked up when she saw her younger, fiery sister and her quiet friend standing in the doorway. She could remember when her mother told her she’d be having a baby sister and had felt so over the moon. She absolutely loved baby dolls at that age. She’d do their hair, dress them up, and have tea parties with them. And she was finally going to have her own little baby doll to play with.

Wrong.

From the moment Max was brought home she hated to be messed with. Kim was only three at the time, but learned fast that her and her sister were two completely different bodies. Max loved to skateboard, to play sports and get dirty. Kim preferred to spend her time in the library, reading and working on art projects.

Max’s friend, El, was more than enthusiastic to have her play with her hair and paint her nails. It wasn’t that Max didn’t enjoy it, but it was only when she wanted to do it. El always sat so still and patient while she let Kim figure out different ways to design her short hair.

“Yes?” She questioned watching as the two of them stared at her. She felt an odd sensation that she needed to giggle rising in her stomach, so she swallowed that down.

“Are you going to order us pizza?” Max asked as El nudged her. Kim raised her eyebrow and waited, “Could you pretty please order us pizza?” Max tried again, placing a wide smile across her lips.

“Since you asked so nicely,” Kim stood up, feeling wobbly on her feet as she walked towards them. She stopped to squeeze her sister's soft face, “Awe we’re gonna have a girl's night!” She exclaimed, all of her angry emotions from a few moments ago were gone. El giggled and moved out of her way, while Max groaned and rubbed her now red face.

Kim kept blinking as she walked towards the wall phone, feeling her eyes beginning to squint. She pulled off the piece of paper that her mother had left, the number to the pizza place printed clearly in her pretty handwriting.

She thought about how good a piece of greasy pizza would taste right now, the melty cheese and hot sauce dripping on her tongue. It took all of her willpower not to moan.

Kim got halfway through punching in the numbers, when she had to hang up and attempt it again. This time she only got three numbers in before she forgot which one, she was at. She kept squinting, her eyes burning as she stared at the numbers.

She attempted again, this time dropping the phone before she could finish putting in the first two numbers. She laughed, sliding down the wall as she thought about how klutzy she was.

Max peeked over the couch, looking at her with wide blue eyes. El had a sloppy grin on her face, holding her hand up so she could whisper something to Max. Kim couldn’t help the giggles that poured out of her, now. Everything was becoming too much for her.

“I can’t put in the number,” She waved the paper around her head, motioning to Max, “I don’t think I can stand up either.” She replied seriously before feeling the urge to laugh again.

She was beginning to wonder if those brownies weren’t just regular brownies.

“My sister would not-” She heard Max say as she turned from El and looked back at Kim. She took in Kim’s appearance before cursing. El looked just as amused as Kim felt and the both of them burst into a fit of giggles as they looked at each other.

Kim wasn’t sure what was so funny but laughing just felt like the right thing to do. For the first time in her life, she felt so relaxed and carefree. She began pressing her fingertips together, admiring the tingling feeling that was shooting through them.

“Uh,” Max stood up from the couch, staring down at her older sister looking very unsure of herself, “Stay right here.” She muttered before walking down the hall. El leaned over the couch, crossing her arms as she looked at the older girl.

“You wanna hear a joke?” She asked, looking mischievous. Kim nodded eagerly watching the younger girl think about her joke before speaking.

“What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?” El asked, glancing around to make sure no one else was around. Kim felt her eyebrow furrow as she leaned forward on her palms and shook her head.

“She gagged.” It took a moment of realization before Kim was lying on the ground, clutching her stomach as she fought through her giggles. She couldn’t stop laughing against the cold floor, her insides aching as she laid her palms against her stomach to calm herself. She turned on her back, trying to relax as she opened her eyes to see Billy and Max peering down at her.

She snorted as another fit bubbled up, realizing they were wearing the same expression as they watched her. She could still hear El giggling, though it was fainter now as Billy had come into the room.

“Are you high?” He asked her very seriously. He looked different upside down, she realized. However, she could still tell by the way the front of his hair was messy that he had been in the process of curling it.

“Were you grooming yourself?” She sassed back, watching as irritation began to replace his concerned look. She could tell Max was trying not to laugh as she looked away from her sister.

“What the hell did you do?” He repeated again as he squatted down and tried to get her into a sitting position. She groaned, lightly pressing her hand against his chest and staying limp so she could keep resting on the floor.

“I’m comfortable here, thank you very much.” She responded as she rested her back against the floor, liking how cold it felt against her skin.

“It’s probably dirty down there.” Max spoke up. Kim glanced over at El before laughing again, thinking about how funny her joke had been. Billy gripped both of her shoulders, heaving her up hard so she was sitting up in front of him. A gasp left her mouth and she grinned, reached out to pat his hardened jaw before she could stop herself.

“My hero, thank you for saving me from the dirty floor.” She added playfully, not even caring what anyone thought. She could tell he was exasperated as he gripped onto her shoulders to keep her from lying back down. Max crouched down next to him, looking at her concerned.

Kim thought about how the two were so similar yet hated each other so much.

“What did you take?” Billy asked again, looking less friendly this time. Kim tried to force her eyes wider apart to look at him, but found they were too far squinted to do it. She shrugged, nonchalant.

“Come on, we won't tell mom or dad.” Max pleaded, still looking concerned. Kim felt her resolve breaking.

“A brownie.” She said simply, knowing this was all ridiculous. They were overreacting. She was fine. Max turned to look at her older brother.

“Why would a brownie make her do this?” She asked, not quite understanding. Kim thought she looked adorable being so confused. She really wanted to squeeze her cheeks again but resisted doing so.

“You brat. How much did you take?” Billy snapped, obviously knowing what she meant by a brownie. He ignored Max’s gaze and continued to stare at Kim. She felt the same way she did when she had been thinking about chowing down on a slice of pizza. A moan was bubbling in her stomach and electricity pulsed through her body as the way he called her a brat bounced around in her head.

“Jonathan gets brownies sometimes; they have weed in them.” El whispered the last part to Max, and Max turned to her sister horrified. She was sure Max didn’t think she’d ever do something like that.

She counted on her fingers for a moment.

“Just three brownies, okay? They were just brownies. I didn’t taste any weed in them, at all.” Her words were becoming more sluggish and felt odd coming off of her tongue. It was like it was taking more effort for her to speak.

Billy’s blue eyes widened as he stared at her, at a loss for words as he took in the girl in front of her. Kim wiggled her eyebrows.

“Can we get pizza or what?” She asked looking at the three people who kept staring at her, “I could really eat some right now.” She added, watching as Billy examined her.

“Go sit on the couch, I’ll order it before I leave. I’m serious, I have better things to do than sit here watching the three of you all night.” He huffed out, letting her go and standing up. Kim looked at Max, watching as the younger girl was now sporting an amused expression.

“Yeah, yeah.” Kim responded but continued to sit on the floor, feeling like she didn’t have the ability to walk to the couch. She watched as Max headed back to El and began deciding which movie they were going to watch.

Kim stretched her legs out, her hands in her lap as she watched Billy order the food. She stared up the side of his body, taking in how muscular he really was. For the first time she didn’t feel bad about her thoughts towards him, instead, she felt like welcoming them.

He shot her a look as he hung up the phone, his foot pushing the side of her calf gently. She watched as her foot rolled to the side before sitting up again. She grinned up at him.

“I thought I told you to go to the couch?” He asked irritably. She stretched her arms out in the air, holding them over her head.

“My legs won’t work.” She said simply, grinning like a fool as he realized what he wanted to do. She figured it wouldn’t work and she would just end up crawling her way across the floor until she reached the seats. She watched him pinch the bridge of his nose and sigh very loudly.

She was starting to put her arms down when he crouched down near her again, an arm holding onto her back and under her thighs. She squealed, pleased as she carried her towards the couch. 

She laid against his chest, taking in his warmth as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She was careful to make sure she didn’t pull on his hair as she did so.

“You look nice.” She muttered, still smiling. He really did too. His jeans fit him nice and his shirt, like always, had one too many buttons undone.

“Shut up.” He grumbled back before stopping at the couch, waiting a moment for the two younger girls to scoot out of the way before plopping her down. A loud shriek left Kim’s mouth as she laughed in delight, enjoying the drop down a bit too much.

Billy just huffed before he stomped out of the room. Kim listened to his door slam shut and gave the two girls a playful look.

“Did I say something wrong?” El giggled, resting her arms against Kim’s legs as she stretched out on the couch. Even Max was grinning now.

“Why would you take that many? You know if mom and dad were home, you’d be in so much trouble.” Kim knew Max was right, but she just waved the young girl off, too high to care about what could have happened. She rested back against the arm of the chair, thinking about how good a slice of pizza would taste right now. She wondered when it would get here.

Kim listened as the two began discussing different subjects, boys, music, comics, and more boys. She cracked a grin a few times, never interrupting, just glad that her sister had found a place here.

“Did you find a movie yet?” Billy walked out of his room briskly. Kim tried to follow his footsteps to the front door with her eyes, but found the movement was too much. She listened as he opened the door.

That awoke her. She felt herself sitting up, breathing in the steamy smell of greasy pizza as he carried the two boxes to the living room. Throwing a stack of napkins and paper plates down.

“You got soda, didn’t you?” Max asked and Kim hoped the question was yes. She would do anything to taste and feel the sweet carbonation traveling down her body. Billy sighed before grabbing it off the counter. 

Kim didn’t wait for anyone else before she made her plate. She held up the slice, looking in awe at how the cheese was perfectly browned and the crust was golden. She lifted it up to her tongue, moaning as she bit into it and let the garlicky sauce lick at her taste buds.

She opened her eyes to see Billy staring at her, his jaw slack as he held a slice of pizza between the box and his plate. She chewed thoroughly, raising her eyebrow.

“I thought you had a date, and you were absolutely not canceling it?” She mocked as she finished her slice, she was sure this was the best meal she had ever had. El and Max grinned next to her, a small whisper of not having to hear happy screams was heard.

Billy stood up straight as he stared her down, then looked at the other two.

“Not like any of you left me a choice. I’m not leaving Hopper’s daughter alone with someone who's high off her ass. I’m not going down for that.” He defended. He walked towards Kim and began to sit down next to her. She scooted over closer to El, trying not to get squashed by him in the process. She could hear Max protest as she moved.

No one really stayed in the living room, at least not when Neil was around. Apparently, they needed a bigger couch for when he was gone. 

“Sure.” She drew the syllables as she looked at him, “You just know you didn’t want to miss out on this awesome night.” She concluded as she began her second slice of pizza and reached for the soda.

Max gripped the 2 liter in her hand tightly, “How about I pour it for you?” Kim nodded happily, watching as her sister worked. She passed the drink to her, which Kim accepted with glee.

“Did you decide on a movie then?” Billy asked dryly, his elbow hitting Kim’s ribs as he adjusted in his seat. She jolted as he hit right where she was ticklish. She shot him a glare, pinned between him and El. 

El shifted as Max scooted down to grab the remote, pressing play, “Nightmare on Elm Street is up first.” Kim groaned as she heard the title, knowing how much Max loved scary movies. She was completely opposite, hating the way the nightmares attacked her later.

“It’s so scary.” She whined as she swallowed the rest of her complaint down with soda. Yeah, yeah that was good, she decided. Max and El gave her an incredulous look.

“It’s not that scary.” Max spoke up and shook her red hair. Kim knew she wouldn’t win as she turned to look at Billy, their shoulders pressed together. He shifted again, his shoulder toppling over hers as his hand lingered dangerously close to her thigh. She stared, imagining how it would look as he squeezed her thigh.

“Don’t look at me. She’s right.” Billy shrugged as he continued eating. Kim sighed playfully, accepting the fact that she would have nightmares tonight. She tucked into the couch, hiding behind his shoulder.

“Fine, but you guys better not complain when I crawl into bed with you tonight.” She muttered, licking the grease off the side of her thumb. She turned her eyes to see Billy watching her, an unreadable expression on his face, “Who were you supposed to see tonight?” She asked, trying to be coy. He raised his eyebrow as he watched her.

“Does it matter? The date isn’t happening.” She wanted to say that it served him right for making her leave the pool early but resisted the urge to do so. She knew it would do nothing but irritate him more. There was something nice about him joining them to watch a movie.

She quieted down when it finally started, not wanting to annoy the two girls as it played. Max gave them all a temporary relief when she stood up to turn the light off. Paranoia crawled up Kim as she kept glancing over her arm to look behind her every time the scary music started to play.

“You’ve got to stop,” Max whined when she turned to face her again, “You’re gonna freak us out.” She huffed, moving to the floor and pulling El down with her.

“I told you it’s scary!” Kim defended herself, no longer finding everything hilarious. She kept jumping, moving closer to Billy as every little thing frightened her. She began to scoot away, freeing up some space between them when she fell for another jump scare. She was practically in his lap as she held onto his waist, a shrill shriek threatening to spill out.

She listened to him chuckle, feeling his chest move as he did so. She spared a glance at him as she curled against his side, thankful for his arm that moved around her. She felt a lot safer here, under his protective arm.

“You really are a scaredy cat, Mayfield.” She cursed him as she laid there, pulling a blanket over her legs so no demons would grab ahold of her feet.

Or Max. Max tended to do that a lot. She shivered as she thought about how Max went through a phase of hiding in dark spots in her room with a white sheet over her head.

She clutched him closer as another scary part appeared, curling her legs up to her chest. She tried to focus on the movie, instead of the way his fingers were tracing designs onto her back. She wondered how he was warm all the time, when she always felt so cold. 

She had never sat in such a position with him before and wondered if it was just him being nice, actually concerned that she would do something dumb, or if there was another reason he was holding onto her. Her eyes were beginning to close as she drifted off, Billy being the only thing to cross her thoughts.

///////

She didn’t know how late it was, but felt her comforter being placed over her as she could see the darkness engulfing her room. She fluttered her eyes, still dazed and sleepy as she adjusted her head on her pillow.

She turned to her back, noticing him pulling away like he was going to leave. She reached out, taking his hand softly. It was so dark she couldn’t see his face or expression, but she knew it was Billy. Her voice faltered as she thought about asking him to turn on her night light, images from the movie flickering in her mind.

“Stay,” She spoke softly, sleep threatening to take over as she kept blinking her eyes to stay focused on him, “Please.” She spoke even more gently, for even in the dark she could sense his hesitation. 

He sighed as he slid into bed next to her, making her bed shift completely as he got comfortable. In the back of her mind, she could feel laughter growing as she thought of Billy, all macho, covered in her green and pink flowery sheets.

Billy muttered something under his breath, but she was too far gone to listen to what he was saying. Her eyes closed as she moved closer to him, not close enough to touch, just seeking his warmth as she felt herself departing into a deep sleep.

Next Chapter

[cruorcrave]

19 December 2024

(TL;DR at the end.)

Today was pretty alright. I mostly just finished up xmas shopping (took a while cuz my mother had a lot of places to go) but it was made more fun by the fact I finally got my sister's present. I bought her a bag of chocolates as well as a 10-pack of ciders, and I wrapped every item individually then put them back in their respective packets. Hopefully she finds it funny (me and my sisters prank each other with our presents - but we also make sure the presents are actually good and what they wanted, just in the most annoying way possible.)

Other than that, I haven't done much today. I'm trying to get myself into the mindset of drawing/writing/creating even if it's not good. Even if it isn't perfect I should still be creating because it's what I want to be known for and it's what I want to do, it just takes a bit of effort. Gonna try to get a drawing out today or tomorrow.

One of my new tumblr-made friends is being a bit distant and I'm worried about them. I haven't known them for long (literally like a month) so I don't know their habits or anything yet. I'm just hoping I haven't upset them or scared them off, or that something particularly bad has come up in their life. Hopefully they're alright.

The school morning tea was good. My friend picked me up in her car and luckily there weren't a lot of people there. Only about 10 of us from a class of about 75, and it was all people I liked or tolerated. My friend who wants me to be in his upcoming zombie short film chatted with me about it, I saw teachers I like again, I got like three cans of free Sprite, it was great all round. Me and a few friends have another get together some time in the next few weeks which will be nice as the people I hate/cannot tolerate aren't invited. Yippee!

tw discussing s/h briefly

As was probably clear from last night's posting, I relapsed. However, there is a silver lining here. I didn't cut myself or draw any blood in any way. I hit myself and got a small bruise, but it's already starting to fade just a day later, and the headache was gone by mid-morning. I'm dedicated to trying to get to 3 days right now, and then hopefully to a week. Trying to focus on the positives. My longest streak in a while has been 3 days and so I'm trying to break that. I'm still counting hitting (whether against something hard or with the pliers) as a relapse because one, it usually leaves a bruise and gives me a killer headache (sometimes for days on end) and two, it is to harm myself. I'm still struggling with thoughts of.. man, I gotta find a name for this. "drinking" feels wrong - its not that much blood - but maybe "taking" is more accurate? Let's go with that. I'm still struggling with thoughts of taking but I'm trying to acknowledge them and then move on. Rather than ignoring them, I'm telling myself "Okay, I want to do that, but I know I'll only feel worse for it, and even though I don't know what's causing the feelings directly, I know it's a problem and has to do with my mental illnesses, therefore I shouldn't give in." It's worked so far today, if only for today. I still can't help but wonder why I ever had the feelings in the first place, though. I just want them to go away now is all I know. Either way, this approach definitely works better than telling myself "If you give in you'll go crazy and never be able to stop like some freak vampire-hannibal hybrid so ignore the hunger." That definitely wasn't working.

Anyway, wish me luck. 1 day clean as I write this.

Song of the Day: Pieces - Sum 41

Also, I'm going to start putting TL;DRs at the end of my diary posts cuz they're long as shit and ain't nobody got time for that.

TL;DR:

Today was okay. Did Christmas shopping, ready to prank my older sisters. Didn't do much else, want to draw more. One of my friends is distant, I'm a bit worried. Final exam debrief morning tea was good. Relapsed but wasn't as bad as usual. Trying a new approach to staying clean; acknowledging urges and validating them. Trying to get to 3 days, then a week.

Clean since 18 December 2024