#and that I can make dumb posts here in the void for free

[wild-wombytch]

I hate it when periods makes me me even more oversensitive than what I'm already struggling with. Like, can I just not want to throw myself out of a window for nothing and just be normal about everyday things?

[floweryfandomnerd]

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[charmedreincarnation]

Hey guysss! A lot of people have been asking for me to make a challenge for a while now. I honestly didn’t want to, not because I’m against them or anything but because the law will be different for everyone. Sometimes, it feels like tumblr needs a reminder - you are the only person who knows what you need to do to succeed. I wish I could imprint this realization on everyone's minds. I’ve also gotten so manyyyy asks about things that genuinely just feel like your doubts repeating in your mind constantly so I’m gonna talk abt my beliefs bc y’all are spiraling really hard. I get it you want your desires for Christmas and new years. It’s okay take a breath, you're alive and will be okay.

Firstly: at the beginning I used to spend countless time spiraling into depression, constantly changing my methods every time I saw a new success story, and every time I found a new foolproof' tumblr method. Methods that were supposed to guarantee results in a day so when they didn’t I felt rlly useless. It was annoying, to say the least, and I don’t want to help others do the same thing, but really all I can do is reiterate what I always say and hope you apply it to everything!!

A lot of you guys wanted something that didn’t involve the void state, so that’s what this will revolve around! But feel free to make this void orientated if you desire, and I’ll also add a void section so all my babies can eat!

Ok so you’ve over consumed, you have dropped the void, and now have switched to just assuming and knowing that you would wake up with your dream life - embracing states. Great! At first, it will seem like you're doing nothing but you aren’t! For example, I knew I was dwelling in the state of wish fulfilled when I went to work without shedding tears, when I looked in the mirror and didn't think I was ugly because, well, I'm beautiful! I didn't care abt not performing well on a test because I could revise my past etc. this isn’t to say ignore the 3D: don’t do that, please try and make sure you’re safe and okay. But know life is malleable. Slowly, things that used to bother me—my parents, grades, anxiety, self-deprivation—started to fade away. Even though my dream life hadn't reflected in my 3D yet, I felt the switch. That's when I decided, I know what to do.

I also remember finding this cute website a long time ago that I want to share that summarizes it in such a great and simple way.

So Before I knew or understood what LOA was, I found this gem of an article on I am Love'- "How To Shift Into A State & Stay There". I think I have a post abt it somewhere on my blog but I’m too lazy to find it so here it is again.

Basically it explains that the essence of shifting into a desired state and staying there. What resonated with me was her choice to dwell in the state of knowing that her desires are hers, no matter what.

The way she used colloquial language made the content relatable and easy to understand. It's like having a conversation with a friend who's guiding you through hard concepts with “dumbed down” language because at the beginning states made 0 sense to me.

Posts like this really helped me particularly because when I discovered Neville, it required three attempts on my part to not only intellectually grasp his teachings, but also to truly comprehend him as a whole, given his non-contemporary speaking tbh.

I recommend it if you find yourself stuck or not really grasping the law yet (which is more than okay) but, if you're looking to understand the loa better or just learn more give this article a read.

There’s also a particular quote from Neville that really got me to dive into his work after finding this article and it was- “The being that you really are, descended to the weakness of the flesh, causing you to experience the state you are now in. Contemplate another state, and the same being who brought your present form into being will restore and make alive the other state, the state desired. This he will continue to do until his purpose is fulfilled. That purpose is to follow a certain pattern back into the unity of being. You see, in the beginning we were drafted. We did not volunteer to fall into these states. We were made subject into futility, not willingly but by the will of him who sent us. But when we return we will discover that we are the very being who subjected us. We are now the sons, destined to return as God the Father!”

Now that you understand and are ready to apply state, Here’s a routine I’ve created to hopefully help you guys! It is very simple and not time consuming at all.

Scripting and writing: I love writing and feeling like the author of my own story, literally bringing my creation to life. I would write when I felt like it. Whenever I wanted to dwell in my state, I would simply write, "I have my dream life." It's so simple, yet it embodies everything I need. If you’re more of a picture girl, use Pinterest instead. Or both if you prefer it doesn’t matter.

Edward arts' "I am creator meditation": Again, do this whenever you like it. It's one of the few meditations that didn't bore me to death and seemed to work with my ADHD. I also love reading, so I would read his pdf whenever I felt like it and take mental notes. Reading his work was a reminder I was doing everything right, it resonated with me very well.

During doubt and overstimulation: When things get overwhelming, close your eyes and let the emotions pass. They’re just thoughts! repeat the words "I am" until your heart returns to its normal rhythm. It's a simple yet powerful way to ground yourself amidst the whirlwind of emotions. And guess what? You can use this technique for doubt too! So the next time you're feeling overwhelmed, remember the power of "I am". It's a gentle reminder of your existence, your resilience, and your capability to be whatever you want despairs any emotional turmoil.

Thank god: (yourself!!) When reminded of your desires. Thank you god. When you see your desires, (eg:Pinterest, online or you’re just reminded) thank you god! When you see an image of your desires, thank you god! When you dream or think about your desires. Thank god! Always thank the person fulfilling it aka you ;)! If you’re religious just thank the god you actually follow.

Nightly reflections: At night, ask yourself , "What would I do if I woke up in my dream life right now?" repeat this question throughout the night. Then, imagine whatever scene you want. What would you do if you could not fail? What would you do if you had all the money in the world right now. What if you looked in the mirror and saw the most ethereal being and it’s just you? What about if you woke up in your dream house with your dream family and pets? This is inspired by one of the first shifting methods I created that helped me fulfill my imagination before I knew what that meant. When you’re ready to sleep just remind yourself it is done, and drift off into your desires.

As I've always said, I've been a great daydreamer. I knew exactly what I wanted my life to look and feel like. I envisioned my walk-in closet filled with luxurious outfits, waking up in my dream room on a soft mattress with my pets purring nearby. I saw the decor reflecting my personality in every corner of my large, and pretty room. I imagined walking into my bathroom, seeing all my cool Sephora products lined up for my skincare and shower routine. I love taking care of myself because I know I deserve it. I saw myself looking in the mirror, knowing I'm "that girl" who turns heads wherever she goes.I visualized going downstairs in my boujee dream house,and seeing my family stress-free, smiling, and eating well. I saw plans being made on my phone, my friends were excited to see and talk to me. I went to my kitchen, filled with expensive ingredients ready for me to cook meals for my loved ones - because I love cooking. I saw myself checking my bank account and seeing multiple seven figures in my savings, checking, and investment accounts and opportunities easily presenting myself to make more if I wanted. I saw myself running errands in my car, shopping, getting Starbucks, having expensive lunch with friends, and making a trip to Target. Despite the simplicity of the day, I would come home and be like, "Ugh, what a long day!"like that one khloe kardashian meme. What if all this happened today? Visualize and feel the scenes so clearly that it felt like it's already happening.. not just in your imagination.

Most importantly: Define the law for you! Stop parroting bloggers and intertwine your own beliefs with the law. The only principle of the law is that through persistence assumption will harden into a fact. Other than that anything goes except for facts that are wrong.

Here’s old notes I found in my phone lol just so you know what I mean by define the law for you: ignore the writing I was kinda dumb and new to the law 😭😭

Now this is for my void babies if you made it this far.

Read this post.

This is it copied bc the links are wonky sometimes

“My previous method is based on the persistent assumption, which a lot of people don’t know how to do right and it might take some time even for those who have the right self-concept and the mindset, so today I was in the process of manifesting this method.

And I was successful!

This method is for everyone. It’s the easiest Void method.

Do you know that you get into the Void state at night automatically? At that time the whole perceived world disappears for you. Every single perception and assumption you have disappears while your consciousness in the calm and natural Void state.

Use it to your advantage. Now that you know about the Void that you enter when you sleep, the perfect state to manifest anything that you wish to perceive, with no “resistance”, no illusions of annoying solid things around, you only need to remember your scripted starting point in your DR and practice watching it all coming out of the Void.

Practice that scene with your eyes closed, say to yourself:”That is what I perceive. Next time I’m in the Void, I’ll experience this”. You won’t even need to be fully aware of yourself that way when you get into the Void while you are asleep. Your subconscious would do all the work as it now would have the instruction and a clear image of you expecting it.

Personal experience: as I was receiving information on this method, I almost stepped into my DR! I wasn’t even in the absolute void state, I was only creating the scene for this method and I felt it materialise with my senses!

I have great feeling that it’s going to give fast results for others! Try it, teach your subconscious what it needs to bring forth while in the Void, let it do your work for you!”

Lastly, I’m gonna talk abt my beliefs real quick bc the fear of shifting vs manifesting makes me sad for y’all. I understand you don’t wanna leave behind the people you love and that’s not fear to feel ashamed of having! I personally hate the npc mindset a lot of have people have adopted. The only thing we know for sure is that assumptions create realities, and consciousness is the real reality. Everything else boils down to assumptions, except for principles. For example, shifting is not lucid dreaming, even if you assume it to be. That is the principle. I’m just going to copy what I told my mutal bc I’m lazy and need to finish Christmas stuff 😭😭 but Our imagination and the 4D realm are products of our consciousness, which is indeed real. Our view of reality is shaped by our consciousness, since we can't experience everything all at once.

Unless, of course, you shift into a super omnipotent god. Even then, you’d probably still struggle with the concept of infinity because, well, infinity is infinite. And it’s constantly a never exnding expansion. As humans, we're finite beings, and our understanding of the infinite is naturally limited. Because you can’t and won’t ever experience everything at once, infinity is always expanding. Our awareness can be thought of as fragments of consciousness; it's like being a drop of water in a massive ocean. Even though our perception is limited, the infinite is always there, always existing. We simply adjust our awareness to perceive this infinite reality.

And through our consciousness, we are able to tap into other realities or 'multiverses', which give us a broader understanding of existence. This exploration of consciousness and the multiverse is a significant part of my journey into the world of manifestation.

The law of consciousness explains why, when you "shift" or change your perspective, you don't physically move. It's all about altering your state of awareness. This is also why time doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. You can become aware of any time or day you want, as long as you choose to be aware of it. It's like having a mental time machine. This law is why infinite universes exist. As long as you can be aware of it, you can assume and embody the state of that person. Whether that's someone with a billion dollars on Earth, or a person who lives in the Attack on Titan world, it's all about your awareness.Our awareness is just a fragment of the larger consciousness – hence the idea of the multiverse. Each universe is a different fragment, a different state of awareness. And we have the power to “shift” into any of these states, therefore shifting into any of these universes.

I’m telling you this bc there’s no need to be afraid of manifesting or being in a reality with robotic versions of the people you love. Ariana grande and Marilyn Monroe for example talk about loa without acknowledging it and we see their success. Neville Goddard and his followers saw each other’s manifestions and I manifest for my friends and they mnaifest for me.

Take a deep breath and let go of the tik tok clone mindsets y’all have they don’t exist. You can manifest and assume anything you want in your imagination. Y’all literally want to manifest things like millions of dollars, revising deaths, living in new countries, having immorality in your waiting rooms, and never aging which is all possible of course. So be for real, why assume and know that you can achieve all that, but it won't manifest exactly how you want? I've also wondered about what happens to the "old version" of people when they manifest their dream life. As far as I'm concerned, they dont exist because you choose not to be aware of them.

I really want to talk about this too, as I've received similar questions and, oh my god, I thought I was alone. I've always been a bit delusional and lived in my head, but when I became conscious of the law, did anyone else feel a sense of self-embarrassment? I don't know what that was, but I'd genuinely feel my soul wanting to throw up envisioning my desires that aren't mine, even though I've always been a daydreamer. It's kind of like when you feel you can't have them or it's strange to envision yourself with something you can't have, so you just purge yourself. 😭

I was thinking back to why that happened and laughing at myself because we need to be serious right now. Why are you getting sick by your own mind? Imagine if Van Gogh, anytime he pulled out a canvas and held a brush, was jump-scared by the brush. Picture him holding out the brush and just staring at the canvas crying because "well, the painting is going to suck 😐," "I don't know what to paint☹️☹️," "I already know it won't be like what I envision in my head 😡😡." Like, bro, the canvas is blank, just fucking paint. That’s why I really like his quote that's like...

“If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” So If you’re scared of failing, if you’re scared of your desires, or scared of how it will come to fruition, for that reason alone is more so to and manifest it anyways.

But happy holidays guys! make some tea, scroll through Pinterest, read a good book and watch some Christmas films and remember if you can imagine/think your desires you can embody them bc where are you getting it from??

Here are some helpful documents I have read plus a cute vid I saw on insta reels : (let me know if the links are being weird)

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A post shared by @inspirelightwork

[the-afterparty-au]

[✨*ABOUT✨]

The Afterparty AU is briefly summarized as taking place in a party within the void, lasting forever after a genocide route that was never undone. After many months of nothing but wind, our first fallen human realized the world was not going to be reverted by the player, and they stayed true to their word of Erasure. Chara however, simply getting bored decides to play a game framed as a experiment & brings back all the monsters you failed to befriend in a Genocide route back for a encore. Allowing everyone to reside in the void, a space between files & between deltarune and UNDERTALE. The amount of monsters that are happy about this is uncertain, but all of them are certainly questioning literally everything that brought them here.  (Lightly Inspired by these fanworks so, Thanks to @garbagechocolate, @djsmell & @jazze-bee for accidentally inspiring me to make a whole AU)

By; Modphys (They/them) (Main Blog & Art Blog: @kates-cave & @ryzies-ralley)  Modtaton (He/they) (Main Blog + Art Blog: @spiltmilk34 & @spoiledcheese34 | Instagram ) Papymod (She/they/he) (Main Blog + Art Blog: @theartistthatcantraw & @fail3dexp3rim3nt) Also thanking this for the text boxes haha

[*TAGS]

#ModAlphys🍍 #ModMTT🦝 #ModPapy💀 - Content from specific Mods

#OutOfVoid - General out of character posts/Asks/Announcements Etc.

#PostsFortheVoid Reblogs of any Fanart or random posts I/we might reblog

#PostsOfTheVoid Extra Content asks lore etc. not relevant to the actual plot Or announcements

#TheAfterPartyAU In universe & Main Story posts

#AskAfterparty is any asks in character

#ModsQ&A, Any Asks directly for the mods + #ModsArt is any Art Directly from the mods (not counting story)

[📋*RULES 📋]

[*Current AU Status: Active]

- No SERIOUS NSFW media. Swearing and certain (Chara Frisk & Flowey are all children) jokes are allowed but actual sexually explicit content & HARD GORE is prohibited. Plus the mods are minors 

- Harassment towards me, Or anyone of Any group, will not be tolerated

- Repeat asks will probably be ignored, sorry.

- Please Be patient, This blog does not have a schedule & updates come out when they’re ready (aim for at least 2 weeks) 

- No Magic!Anon please, While this story is a bit aimless it’s still there, plus Keep Roleplaying limited maybe. Makes my life easier.

- Technically not a hard rule but If you’re asking & have an ask blog I recommend you add your @, Love seeing other AU/Blog’s Out there in the wild!! Doesn't matter the fandom either :D 

- Probably will close the ask box if it gets too full, might cap it at 20 0r 25.

* Have funnnnn. =)

[*⚠️ *WARNINGS ⚠️]

This AU is estimated to be 15+  

While I don't plan to include shipping, it might sneak its way in here, who knows.

Swearing in Asks Is allowed plus the mod swears. (Steer clear of slurs, even if you can reclaim them.)

Scarring, Blood, Death, themes of unreality trauma & gore is around, Everyone was brought back from the dead. Additional CW for mentions Genocide considering this au is after one. 

potential mentions (& possible depictions) of suicide & Self harm, Fratricide, Mind Control (Possible Manipulation), & Divorce.

While this aims to be (kind of) joke au, General CW for potential disturbing content is out there. 

Feel Free the DM With any warnings I missed & should include

[*ACT - ASK] - ASK BOX STATUS [OPEN]

*Chara - 💔 *Frisk - ♥️ *Toriel - 🔥 *Papyrus - 💀 *Mad Mewsy - 💢 *The Undying - 🦈 *Muffet - 🕷️ *Mettaton NEO -  👾 *Sans - 🦴 *Asgore - 🔱 *Flowey 🌻

 DNI LIST

Homophobes, Terfs, LGBTQIA+Phobic, Racists, Xenophobes, Pro shippers, Anti-Anti's, Misogynists', Cancel Culture & Cringe Culture, NSFW/18+Blogs, Abelists, Zoophiles, Anti Semitism, Hate speech, MAPS/Pedos, Discourse Blogs, AI supprters, Y’know the basic DNI criteria stuff  (Just don't be a dick man this feels dumb to make.)

[*LINKS – 📎]

Beginning - N/A

Arcs  - N/A

Character Sheets - N/A

Most Recent - N/A 

[zgmoony]

HELLOOOO ITS ZG HERE!

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Hey if you see a zgmoony deactivated something yeah that’s my old account I was dumb and deleted it yeah

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

My pronouns: go by any minus she/her

Call me Snail zg Tommy or Toms!!!^_^

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

If you make me uncomfortable I will just block you (but if you’re a terf an exclusionist aro/ace phobic or you support cc!Dteam or cc!wilbur please leave me alone.)

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

I don’t support cc!Dream/cc!Dteam or cc!wilbur.

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C!Tommy silly:3

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AUS (ASK ME ABOUT MY AUS)

Some of my fav aus:3↓

Cabin in the woods! (I talk to @stemms about it a lot!)

Fuse!Tommy (au where Tommy can fuse with people!)

Selkieinnit! (Au where c!Tommy is a selkie)

Minotaur c!Tommy!

Allium duo royal au

Batinnit!!! (Yes I did turn my old c!Tommy design into an au fight me)

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Tags: zgmoony

zg rambles

Zg!au tag

Zg!art

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Doodle blog: @doodleinnit

The W I F E: @trashyclementine :3 (to clarify the platonic marriage thing is a joke so pls don’t get weird- but feel free to send silly asks about it)

Note: I mostly only post about the characters on the dsmp you won’t see me talk about content creators very often.

Blinkies and flaming text↓

:3

DUOS:3

Beef duo (me and my wife)

Selkie duo (me and Moosh:3)

Circus duo (me and Tom Bomb)

Moon duo (me and moondragon:])

Orbit Duo (me and sunlit)

Kitties duo (me and sailor)

Mrow duo (me and Sappho)

Horrors duo (me and metaru)

Thoughts duo (me and stemms)

Void duo (me and void)

Doodle duo (me and Leo!)

Snack Duo (me and Taco)

Yapping duo (me and konrad)

Bench duo (me and gapple!)

———————————————————————

(Sorry if I spam your inbox if it annoys you just tell me to stop in priv messages:,3 because I won’t take the hint otherwise)

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[tokuteasings]

REQUESTS ARE CLOSED: Rules and Intro~!

Greetings y’all~! After much thought and much inspo from @lunalove25 @toku-fanservice @imaginemaskedheroes and others, I have decided to make a dedicated blog meant to portray all of my writings about Tokusatsu~! Half of this is going to be me...screaming into the void but I’m happy to meet ya’ll!!

Call me Tale (she/they) and you can find me on ao3 at historynut19~!

Requests and Submissions are C L O S E D

Of course, I gotta list out some rules:

Kamen Rider Shows: Ryuki, Kabuto, Den-O, Kiva, Decade, W, OOO, Fourze, Wizard, Gaim, Drive, Ghost, Ex-Aid, Build, Zi-O, Zero-One, Saber, Revice, Geats, Amazons, Black Sun

Super Sentai Shows: Gaoranger, Hurricanger, Abaranger, Dekaranger, Magiranger, Boukenger, Gekiranger, Go-Onger, Shinkenger, Gokaiger, Zenkaiger, Kyoryuger, Donbrothers, ToQger, Kingohger, Kyuuranger

Other Toku Shows: Garo (The One Who Shines in the Darkness era specifically), Garo: Vanishing Line, Legend Hero, Tomica Hero: Rescue Force and Rescue Fire, Godzilla

Rules:

I won't take NSFW requests for younger characters who are under 18 and will keep them platonic or romantic depending on the situation. For the ToQgers especially, I will only take more platonic requests for them.

Poly relationships are a-okay! Actually I may write about some on my own volition lol.

Most of the time I'll keep the reader as gender-neutral. So if you want them to be a certain gender, lemme know~!

What I say isn't really law, but my own interpretations of the characters. You're more than welcome to interpret them however you wish!

I'm a simp, don't judge me.

If you wanna kiss any of the female characters, one-offs, villains, movie-only peeps, monsters, go for it! Lord knows I am attracted to like....60 different peeps in a single season.

I’ll post the stuff I write both here on tumblr and on ao3!! That being said, you are more than welcome to request in the comments on ao3 or in my tumblr asks which are preferred.

This work is mostly used for Reader x Character stuff so I won't take much ships between characters because I know everyone doesn't ship the same thing and like...you're free to ship whomever~! I'll write em if they strike my fancy on the day lol.

Please be patient!! I’m working two jobs and have other responsibilities. I also tend to burn out easily....so it’ll be here and there. 

Please also be hella specific and detailed on what you ask me. I’m dumb as hell so ya gotta lay it out for me whether you want like generic headcanons or romantic ones! 

I’ll list out warnings in the front of everything I write, and if something bothers you or if I forget to list something, please tell me! On that note, I don’t mind yandere kinda stuff but like it’s going to be....very.....very sparse and will be labeled accordingly. 

You’re more than welcome to interact with me! I’m so fucking lonely out here in the void...please come talk to me :’)))

So, shall I spin you a tale, my dear?

TO DO LIST: IN NO ORDER AT ALL (listen lord knows whatever the hell Imma write)

Shinkengers Kiss Headcanons

Momotaros, Urataros, Kintaros, Ryutaros - Dating Headcanons

Angst Headcanons Ushijima Hikaru

Protective Headcanons - Zack

Bath Time: Sononi x Male Reader x Kitoh Haruka

Kuroto Dan Kiss Headcanons

NSFW Headcanons - Hino Eiji

NSFW Headcanons - Hiden Aruto

Satarakura x Plant manipulating reader

Houji Tomasu x sassy reader

Gentaro’s friend x Lucky (Kyuranger) Headcanons

Fluffy Fukamiya Kento fic

NSFW Kadota Hiromi Headcanons

NSFW Momotani Jiro headcanons

Dating Headcanons: Sudo Masashi, Shibaura Jun, and Sano Mitsuru

Roomates with Nitoh Kousuke

Dating Headcanons: Kurenai Wataru, Igarashi Ikki, Sakurai Keiwa

Sleepyhead S/O x Sudo Masashi Headcanons

Dating Headcanons: Lucky x Reader

Dating Headcanons: Spada x Reader

BFFs with Sakuma Kotaro

NSFW Tomari Shinnosuke Headcanons

Traveling to different worlds with Tsukasa, Headcanons

Rook with S/O that can turn invisible

Whatever the hell my brain can come up with lol

QUEUE:

CURRENTLY ON HIATUS 

DRAFTS:

S.O.S Series - MetsuBouJinRai x Reader 

Some sorta fluffy Neon fic bc fuck the JGP

More Kingohger bs bc I love myself

[adambja]

People in my DMs asking for the free tapes BABYS I AM COMING TO ANSWER THE MESSAGES I AM LITERALLY OUTSIDE WITH FRIENDS TONIGHT SO YEAH I WILL HAVE SOME FUN BY FINISHING ALL OF THIS!!!!!

Guys btw I won't let any mad blogger stop me from selling my paid tapes cuz wtf I literally worked so hard to make that good sh and everyone got a taste from my free tapes

These free tapes are just a taste from all that I have

(this doesn't mean I will stop the free tapes project) BUT I WILL BE MORE FOCUSED ON THE PAID TAPES FROM NOW!!!

Also yes I am using "void success" cuz I helped a lot of people who wanted to enter the void

It's literally my fkin right - I BREAK THE RULES - sue me SUE MEE OKAY??? THAT'S IT

Anyways whatever you are a hater or not a hater I appreciate you cause you are talking about me and you are making people see your truth and my truth at least I have tapes that work very well not like that anon's tapes it's not like my tapes at all

I hope everyone really gets to try everything then decide what they want on their own away from these weird bloggers who think they have an influence on me or anyone! 😭🫶🏻

I love you buttercup again be independent try everything then decide what do you want

Also about the void success again

You gonna ask ARE YOU sCaMMinG people about void success because no one shared it before!

Yes I don't actually force them or even ask them to share it!!!!!!!! I never do because they paid me they deserve to have their privacy! I literally have a sheet of every client and everything I gave them and what is their situation as if I am an online clinic and it's one another laptop that I actually don't connect to the internet I really care about their information and their privacy!!

So yeah I don't care if you understand me or now anymore man I know my worth and I know what I bring the table and I will never stop it

Yes I won't deactivate because people here need someone to guide them right

Even like I will have a lot of posts in early December about self-concept and the subconscious mind and even how to know your beliefs and how to understand what is your issue

Also how to make your own tapes and the right affs because after February I won't be here

Why February, adambja?

Why February girlie? why not now?

Because people paid me nearly 210 client rn paid for coaching and they have to get it

Them numbers are increasing quickly I wanna scream or even manifest that they just want the tapes so I can live my life normally again 😭!

And I am thinking about leaving completely and opening my clinic again in NYC because I will take $400 per session instead of this BS here and the amount of trauma dumbing I get 💀!!! Not my moots tho y'all are in the safe space!!!

Anyways you are blocked if you don't believe in me!

[mrsblackruby]

I don’t want to terrorize the population if the free Palestine tag, I’m just gonna vent on my blog really quickly

about some nuclear dumb ass twitter post i was unfortunately exposed to

but I was literally a fetus in 2007 wtf was I going to do and I literally just entered my 20s and I’m still in college in 2023 i’m still getting my life together we can’t go back in time. We can only push forward in the future. Because those atrocities and the legacy committed by generations prior are never going to be a erased, in our stained in history, and will always have sway over our future.

I’m really just saying the audacity of this bitch i’m not even gonna alt text You don’t need to read op’s post blind people don’t read this your day will be better if you ignore my random vent into the internet void

#just trying to process my GenZ trauma

and when are these people going to face the fact that Israel are the real agitators here they’re really trying to make everyone believe this alternative reality they’ve created, and I simply refused to

[mayspicer]

This is my stream of consciousness essay into the void because I need to gather my thoughts.

I'm better btw, it's been a wild weekend but most of the stuff is resolved... Now only the comic issue remains. I hate conflicts and do everything in my power to end them but also I have no tolerance for unfairness and being untruthful. And the other person has a tendency to come up with arguments for the sake of them and treating the slightest criticism as insults. My priority is to make the situation clear for all sides and unfortunately they keep proving that they are unable to look at a situation from any other perspective than their own.

Still I like that person and never meant to shame or ridicule them. The goal was to laugh at the situation, not at the people involved. I usually enjoy interacting with them and drawing their characters. I don't want something as dumb as this to make the atmosphere sour. I'm still thinking of a way to convince them that I really mean no harm and it's normal that situations when a character does something dumb and others comment on it happen. I need to think of a way to make things right but that won't trigger their defensive reaction and won't encourage them to keep taking any disagreement with their ideas as grave offence.

We play together in multiple campaigns and different systems. This issue is present in every one of them and is not exclusively initiated by me if it happens. They sometimes take questionable actions they can't explain in or out of game. Some of them are clearly made because the player wanted to do something cool in their head but did not consider the context at all. And instead of admitting that (probably would need to admit it to themself first) out of character, they just go deeper and deeper with escalating and thinking up their reasons as they go. There is nothing wrong in trying to do something cool just because, even when it's out of place. If only they were able to just say that they did whatever because they thought it made sense in their head or because they thought it would be cool or something... I think others would just accept that and leave it, I know I would. But when they keep insisting that, in this case, the action made perfect strategic sense for the character because they can't afford my character to die because he's too important, when two whole sessions of context say otherwise... And when asked what makes them think that way, they can't answer... I'm just gonna keep asking, because I want to know their reasoning if it makes the actions make so much sense. Because the only things I see in the context that I know are double standards and treating me like I don't know how to manage my character. The context that is important ooc is that the player is fond of my character, is my friend and probably did the thing without thinking, or forgot about their earlier stance or whatever. I think ooc reasons can be as much important as in character ones and I wish that player was able to open their mind a little to a possibility that people sometimes do stuff that is not entirely thought out and there is nothing wrong in admitting that.

Actually I think I learned that from some Tumblr post ages ago, but learning to say "I don't know" is really freeing. You don't have to know everything and actually it's not even possible. But admitting that opens an opportunity to learn something new. And this is one of the problems that player has. They have this reaction when presented with a situation or concept they are not familiar or confident with, where they just improwise and make stuff up not to admit they made a mistake or don't know something.

Idk where I'm really going with writing all of this here.

My mistake in this situation was not thinking enough about possible reactions when I got the idea to draw. I shouldn't be required to do so, and the situation resolved in character in a way that made it seem pretty clear but still I could've done that. I am aware that the context I wrote seems excessive when viewed by the people that were present, but I wanted to include everything so even random people not familiar with the system and characters can get the idea. I also wanted to provide every bit of context that made me react with confusion then and really show how ridiculous, silly, but also frustrating all of this was.

I started drawing the next day after the session and there was another different session with the same player later that day. It was a mess and a big part of it was the same player's character acting really weird. This unfortunately prompted an in character confrontation or two between multiple characters, one of which I felt the need to clarify out of character for it to stop escalating any further, because it started to sound out of character anyway. Everyone tried to explain from multiple angles why they are against what that player's character was suggesting but all we accomplished was being accused of dogpiling them and the player not saying a word to anyone other than the GM until the end of the session.

This was brought up when I posted the comic on the discord. They said I can't blame them for their reaction because they are always unfairly criticised by everyone, the above as an example, so it was clear this was my goal here, to publicly shame them, despite me literally writing an apology in the same message with the pictures, where I acknowledge that this might look like I want to make fun of the player and this was not my intention at all, followed by explaining my actual honest intentions.

Ehhh. I hate this situation. I told them I'll try to avoid drawing their characters in the future out of fear of miscalculating again, but I really don't wanna do anything like that. I just want to be believed, to not have some thought up agendas forced on me. The comic was insensitive, but that should be just it. I can take criticism and if approached differently from the beginning I would've probably apologized even more than I did when initially posting.

Fagsgsfafdh I'll try to compose a diplomatic message to them before the next session. I fear they will feel the need to start over from the beginning with feeling offended and their need to argue and win the discussion. They like to respond for the sake of it and endlessly go over the same few arguments after they were already addressed and cleared out. They tend to have a need to have the last word without any care for the actual context.

I'm venting a lot, it's complicated. Writing such an essay about a friend's flaws is not a great thing. I'm just really lost and I want to identify the problems to work around them. I'm not doing this to show how terrible and flawed they are because they aren't, no more than anyone else anyway. I could write an essay many times longer about my character flaws. I'm just going over and over this one flaw of theirs that is the root of multiple different conflicts over the years.

I'm not looking for a solution here really, I'm writing to just get this stuff out. I will approach them and try to act adult or something, which unfortunately includes expecting the same.

They are literally one of the people I like playing with the most. I'm just in a bad place, very bad, even though it's better than yesterday. And I am Polish, I have to whine, it's genetic I think xd

So whining I am and it helps a little.

I hate how ridiculous all of this is. I hate how much stress it costs me, a stupid comic about a stupid situation in a game. That grew to such proportions in someone else's head that now I'm pulled into officially fighting with them over things such as healing my character in a way they made no sense in context.

I want my character to be safe and healthy but I don't want to be treated differently for no real reason. I don't want Cayden to get hurt but come on! It's not about healing but it sure does seem to look like it is from the outside. I fear that this will bite me in the ass and something happens to Cayden because the circumstances reverse and I will be treated differently just in an opposite way now because I get angry when people help me which is not the case. Aaaaa.

Time to sleep. This has been my stream of consciousness. I hope I didn't come off as as ungrateful as I feel I must be, picking on stuff like that. Bleh.

Ridiculous, all of it.

[indigo-villin]

Don't know which blog this will go to so warning this is a vent of sorts, mostly a rant, but either way. Also a bit of swearing at the end

So I've been on toyhouse getting some OCs lately as I do here and there randomly, some for free, some through trade, a couple through some raffles, the whole sha-bang. Going through the toyhouse freebie trade section is... rough sometimes.

I had to block and mute a few people cause of some of their general OC "rules" like one person saying if you have over 150 characters but under like 50 they wouldn't give you any (it was like 150 is "okay" and 200 was too many, but an account with 50 or less was just someone "having a second account to hide the truth" that they would allegedly have like over 800) and it's like... wow I'm sure you're fun to have around on the OC storing website... (severely sarcastic here for those who need tone tags, i don't know them well enough to use sry)

Now that person was like the worst, but there were others that said no one over 150/200/ no "new accounts" or accounts with more than 10 pages of OC/etc etc.

And like... as someone who LOVES making designs on picrew and saving them cause their cute and loved trading/getting OCs from friends in my DA days and still doing that occasionally where friends still gift me OCs cause they don't want them I can't understand this thought process, how does me having x amount of OCs I love regardless of how much art those characters have effect you? I don't get an OC from x person and wait til their rules say I can trade them again and shove them back into the trade listings, I keep them. Unless I genuinely lose complete interest in the design and character I keep them. I'm not big into undertale anymore, but I still have EVERY SINGLE skeleton OC from that time and have gotten more past that, cause many of them don't involve UT and have their own lives outside of it. I still have my MLP OCs for mlp g4, most of those OCs have full stories unwritten, with little to no art, but I still keep them. I don't make any stories for those OCs either, their stories are written and done with mostly minuet things being undecided rather than actual story being untold, but I can't write stories easily so these kinda people would assume I'm just hoarding good OCs, letting them "collect dust" which like... that's such a load of bullshit, like seriously they can't collect dust, they're not real they're designs I made in highschool or got in hs.

It's so weird to say that people who want to give their OCs away are kinda elitist with it, but a lot of people are.

Also if you're on th never use the wta/dta/game trade listing, like don't look for an OC there, stick to the normal freebie section. Again with the whole elitist thing, a LOT of adopts in the first one are old, never get sent to any one, or the rules for a wta are quite literally write a novel to maybe get the OC if the current owner decides you're in their good graces (this is not me being salty I have literally seen this happen SEVERAL times while browsing). DTAs are also usually incredibly old or are built on a raffle/ after x amount of time they'll decide on/spin for a winner adn many of the older ones have ended with nothing happening, just silence adn people leaving it to rot.

Anyways sorry for the mega rant I just wanted to scream into the void about something I'm not bringing to the website itself in case some rando decides to call out post me for being a "petty hoarder" or something dumb (yes people have had call out posts on there written about them "being hoarders" and such)...

[rezdragon]

I have some thoughts about this account I want to lay out before I get back to work on dumb things.

Recently, a post crossed my tumblr dash that was about how Instagram influencers do not succeed on tumblr because you can't just post and expect people to come, you have to actually live here, be part of the culture and conversation, not just a void. And I, a longtime tumblr user, agree with that, it's why I chose tumblr as my primary "social media" because I have way more control over what I see (mostly). You also find more authenticity here, not the shiny, manufactured world that Instagram and the likes of Meta has tried to build for us.

So with that in mind, what about this account? Am I trying to grow it?

Well... yes, but also no, let me explain.

This account, RezDragon, as it stands right now only has 19 followers. I dunno where most of you came from but, hey, glad you're here. I advertise this account as the place where I post updates to my work and the ramblings that come across my mind while I work (as long as they are related to my works, art, or music in some way). However, I want to point out the language I use when I bring up my tumblr account:

Very rarely do I directly ask for people to follow me on tumblr; it's usually only on super big projects. This is intentional.

You are not required to follow my tumblr account if you want to keep up on updates for my work.

I view this account as it should be, a blog where I just share general information relating to my work, what I'm working on, my thoughts regarding things related to my work, things related to art. But I do not want the public to feel pressured to "like and subscribe!" because I also hate that. It's also why my end screens on Youtube are mostly blank; it's not to entice you to watch more of my crap, it's to suggest more to you if you so choose. It's your choice.

If you want to dip in and out of this blog and check it occasionally to see all the silly things I posted lately, then that's fine with me, that's basically my goal with this place. This is meant to serve as a hub for all of my work, like a cornerstore you check occasionally if they have something new. You don't need to come in every day.

And honestly, I kind of like it this way. Yeah, sometimes it really does feel like I'm posting into a void, but sometimes I like posting into a void. That doesn't mean you have to stay away, if you wanna like my posts, please do. I'm still human, I'm still a slut for attention, I will gladly accept it.

I just wanted to put it out there that my aim with this blog is not to grow it into some giant influencer type place on tumblr, no. My goal with it is to make it a classic update blog, free of noise and pressure where you can come and read my insane scribes on the walls and maybe hear weird noises echoing down the halls.

Anyways, that is all. I'm gonna watch my 38 minute monster that I just made, post it if the render is fine, and then put together a broken cassette deck. Pics will come soon of all of this, and thanks for reading.

[pass-the-bowl]

2:05 am

J,

I decided that it was time to make my letters into an internet blog situation. It felt like less of a desperate attempt to keep up with the various pages in a journal I would ultimately lose and more of a poetic way to send my letters into a void. They would all be in one place whenever I wanted them if I wanted them (but honestly I don't know if I will ever reread them). I don't know how existing in the ether works, but if you could see my journal pages, I would assume you can also see this internet post as well. Or I am writing to no one. That's okay too.

I don't have much to update you on but I wanted to write to you and christen this page with its first of many journal entries. The last time I wrote to you, I was in a really dark place. I still am. I am trying to work through that since I really hate feeling this low. It is one of the most gutwrenching, aching pains to feel that way. And it almost felt like the last time I wrote, I didn't have a reason to feel that way. The universe gave me one.

I got into an argument with my father after he told me that I had an attitude with him. I am a 23-year-old woman and suddenly I felt 13 and alone. I was stuck in a room in yet another unfamiliar house and I just wanted out. I wanted to leave and never come back. I wanted to escape this hellish nightmare that I had been placed in. And it is so dumb. It is so unbelievably dumb. I tried to explain to him that I wasn't trying to be a bad daughter. I had so many things I could have said that maybe would have rectified the situation. But then he looked me in my face and told me that I am so ungrateful for everything he does for me and I broke.

I am not ungrateful. I am always so worried that he doesn't recognize how grateful I am. I am a gift person, but he never wants gifts. We don't talk much even though his room is just on the other side of our house from mine. We don't spend time together anymore. We aren't really a family anymore. I feel as though I am being replaced by a better family. One that isn't so complicated. By a family where they are having children and moving out and they have so much going on that even bad days can be seen as good but I am just here. I am struggling, drowning, and afraid to ask for help. And so when he said I was ungrateful, it was as if it I had been found out. I think I cried for two days. I showed up to work just tired. I didn't want to be there and I had almost hit a car from how spaced out I was on the drive.

I really don't know how to go on. I wanted to die so, so badly. And I wish I could have a fun, creative word to say how I *specifically* felt. But I do not. The feeling is fading and it is still there. I do feel that, within the last day it has been a bit better. I got cookies from my order when I picked up my food. They were definitely not meant for me. And I did feel a bit bad knowingly taking them. But I also figured if I gave them back, they would throw them out. And so it felt like I shouldn't let a good cookie go to waste haha. But, I do appreciate the kind gesture, whatever powers are at play for me to be told "have a blessed night" and to get free cookies.

Anyway, I am going to go. I am very tired. I really hope you are doing well. I know you can't really respond or anything like that. Nonetheless, I do really hope you are doing well. You deserve to be happy now. Life was cruel to you in a way I can't imagine. Please take care of yourself out there on the other side. I'll make sure to write soon.

Yours,

M.

P.S. I don't know if that bird on my mailbox who stared at me and didn't fly off was you, but if it was, I appreciated the visit. Although it could have been a really, really chill bird. And that's pretty neat too!

[tillytherandomfanficwriter]

This post has no purpose, I'm literally just screaming into the void, feel free to ignore me, but I do not like Hiccup with a beard, lmao. This gets ungodly long, so if you want to see my full opinion, it's under the cut, but TLDR; I do not like Hiccup with a full beard, but anything else is fair game for some reason, and if you like Hiccup with a beard, all the more power to you.

I don't know why, I don't know how, I just don't like him with a beard. Like, I cannot watch that ending scene of The Hidden World where he reunites with Toothless not for any significant or understandable reason other than I don't like Hiccup with a beard. It's the dumbest reason ever for not being able to get through a scene, but I do not like him with a beard, lmao. I am aware of how dumb my dislike of Hiccup with a beard is, XD. I'm talking full beard, btw, anything else is fine, there's actually certain Hiccup designs that have stubble/beard-esque thing that I really adore. The full beard I do not like, anything else is fair game for some unknown, ungodly reason, XD.

Listen, if you like him with a beard or don't really care either way, good. Brilliant. Fantastic. You do you/gen. I just don't like him with a beard PERSONALLY. I CANNOT EMPHASISE THIS ENOUGH, I PERSONALLY DO NOT LIKE HIM WITH A BEARD - BUT IF YOU DO, HONESTLY, MORE POWER TO YOU.

I'm being overly cautious in regard to making it incredibly clear this is just a silly little opinion of mine that holds no weight or value in the grand scheme of things, but I don't wanna take any chances on the internet.

Also, side note, I may not like him with a full beard, but I can see him rocking a salt-and-pepper-esque look with a bit of stubble or like, minimal beard (Kinda like @bignostalgias' White Winter Hymnal look for Hiccup, actually. I really like that design, tbh).

Listen, I'm just here to scream into the void, and if you got this far... thank you for listening to my dumb little rants on the most inconsequential thing ever?

Also, little thing I just remembered to add, fanart generally doesn't really apply to this?? I think it might specifcally have something to do with how the movie animates/textures the beard?? Idk, I just know, generally speaking, I'm more chill in regards to bearded Hiccup in fanart than canonical bearded Hiccup, lmao.

[cosmicjoke]

@p-ssypink Oh my god, lol. Okay, this is actually hilarious. The meltdown is epic. How many posts is that they've made off of my ONE call-out post? lol, that truly is pathetic. Ironic, given their attitude toward the notion of Levi being emotional. This is the definition of an outsized emotional spiral. Also, do they not realize the fact that they saw my post after I blocked them exposes the fact that they indeed DO have multiple accounts? Not that that in and of itself proves they're behind any of the anon hate, but it lends plenty of credence to it.

Also, again, the disingenuousness of them claiming I got angry because they disagreed with me. Like, no, you jackass, I got mad because you accused me of "degrading" Levi for saying his stoicism is a trauma response. This dumb bitch comes at me with insults and accusations, and now wants to frame it as a "minor disagreement". If you want to disagree with me, you're free to, and as long as you use respectful language, then I'm not going to have any issue with you. But if you fucking insult me in the process of "disagreeing" by accusing me of basically shitting on Levi's character, then I'm going to have an issue.

This is a classic case of someone else starting shit and then crying foul when they get slapped for it. Like, fucker, if you don't want to get curb-stomped, then don't mess around. If they had just left a comment saying "I disagree. I don't think Levi's stoicism is a coping mechanism for his trauma or emotions", instead of "Why would you say Levi's stoicism is fake? You're woobifying him and degrading his character into a sob story", then none of this ever would have happened. That they don't see how they're the instigator here shows an obscene lack of self-awareness and intelligence.

Also, they're completely misinterpreting the foundation behind Levi's "no regrets" philosophy, which isn't surprising, given the intellectual void we're dealing with here. It has nothing to do with not being affected by trauma, it has to do with following your heart and making the choice in any, given situation and moment that you feel in your heart is right, whether the outcome is what you hoped for or not, and not regretting it for that reason. It's about remaining true to your conscience, basically. It has nothing to do with moving on from or being unaffected by trauma, lol. It's about not beating yourself up over things you can't control, taking solace in the fact you did what you felt was right at the time.

Also, again, my comment about Levi's stoicism applies specifically to his lack of outer emotional response to horrific sights and situations, and isn't a comment at all on Levi's natural inclination toward reservedness (though I think it's plain as day that Levi's lack of expression is extreme and can be linked to an obvious trauma response). I'm specifically talking about the fact that Levi does, in fact, control his emotions in dire situations because he feels like he can't afford to indulge in those emotions. When I called his stoicism a coping mechanism, that's what I was referring to. Not his generally stoic demeanor, but the way he intentionally doesn't allow himself to become emotional in certain situations, even as, underneath, he's feeling intense and even overwhelming emotion. He engages in emotional repression because he thinks he has to in order to keep fighting and in order to remain functional and, therefore, useful to others. There are plenty of examples of this throughout the series. A good example is in the final battle, when he rallies Mikasa and Pieck to get on Falco's back. Levi is obviously deeply distressed at what's happening. He's clearly upset about having to leave everyone else on the ground in order to carry out the task of killing Eren, as only he and Mikasa can at that point. We see the anguish on Levi's face in that moment. But he shoves it down in order to act. He tells Mikasa that she has to pull it together and that they have to do this, or everyone is going to die. Levi's stoicism in that moment is a purposeful repression of his distress in order to keep functioning in a critical situation. He isn't NOT upset at what's happening, he just won't allow himself to engage with those emotions in that moment, because if he did, everyone would die. That's what I mean when I call Levi's stoicism a coping mechanism. It's a way to keep functioning when everything's going to shit.

Again, that this clown doesn't get that, and thinks I'm "reducing a vital component of Levi's personality down to trauma" is actually fucking hilarious. They're too stupid to see that I'm specifically referring to his response to horrific situations, not his general demeanor. But they're also too stupid to realize that Levi's general demeanor, while clearly informed by a natural reservedness, is also plainly impacted by his trauma, too. Thus my comment about his depressed appearance when in repose, and his obviously unusual flatness of expression.

It's hardly a stretch to think that Levi's near total absence of emotional expression in his day to day interactions is at least in part rooted in his trauma. And no, it doesn't make Levi "weak" or "pathetic" to acknowledge that. One being impacted by their trauma also doesn't mean they haven't learned to live with it, or even healed from it. Healing from ones trauma is a relative statement. No one ever fully "heals", as in, their trauma no longer exists. There are degrees of healing, degrees of functionality in the face of ones trauma. But trauma itself is something that remains forever and will always be part of the person who experienced it. Apparently, it causes @7m7n7 to descend into epileptic fits of stupidity to acknowledge that Levi is a traumatized character and that he carries that trauma with him, just like all people who have lived through traumatic events.

Levi has found ways to cope with his trauma because he's never had a chance to truly process it. His life has been one, giant struggle for survival. In the absence of any sort of peace or safety, how can one expect Levi to have actually processed his trauma at all? He never had a chance to, because he was always in the midst of trying to survive and trying to keep others alive, too. To ignore that reality, to ignore the way Levi's never had a chance to properly process his trauma, does a massive disservice to the struggle and brutality of Levi's actual life. It undermines what he's been through and continues to go through throughout the story by acting like he should just be able to brush it off, as easily as one might shed a coat, with little to no lasting affect on him. It's an insult to his character and also a purposeful undercutting of the extent of his trauma, to claim that it should be able to be processed without the proper space or breathing room one generally needs to do so. As if Levi's trauma should be something he can easily process, even though he lives in a world where his and everyone else's day to day survival is under constant threat. That @7m7n7 thinks that's how trauma works shows a frankly unforgivable level of ignorance, and also shows how little respect they actually have for Levi's character and what he's been through. It also explains plenty about their outsized, negative reaction to anyone daring to discuss Levi's trauma and the ways in which its impacted him.

As @jayteacups pointed out in the panel they posted, Levi himself flatly STATES that he's still affected by the "abnormal" things he's seen. That's Levi telling the audience, in plain language, that his trauma has had an impact on him and shaped the way he responds to and sees the world around him. How anyone could deny this is beyond me. To deny what Levi HIMSELF tells the audience and the other characters in the story. That's not an interpretation, that's a fact. Levi is impacted by his trauma and it's had an influence on his behavior. That's the bottom line.

Okay, this person @7m7n7, whom I've now blocked, decided to start some major shit with me on one of my own posts https://www.tumblr.com/cosmicjoke/752860317563895808/for-a-character-like-that-supposed-to-be-stoic-and?source=share answering an anon ask. I no longer want to engage with this person, so I've blocked them. But I still want everyone to see their bullshit, and so no one can accuse me of being afraid of others seeing their replies, like they tried to do. I'm posting the whole conversation here.

They accuse me of taking issue with them because they "disagreed" with me, but another poster disagreed with me on the same post and I took no issue with them whatsoever. My issue wasn't the disagreement. I never have an issue with anyone who disagrees with me. I have multiple mutuals who disagree with me all the time, and we're still friends. It's the WAY people disagree that bothers me. If they're going to be insulting about it, then I'm going to have a problem.

Their accusation against me that I was "woobifying" Levi and saying his stoicism is "fake" by saying that it's a coping mechanism to deal with his grief and trauma, that it isn't at all indicative of his true feelings, something about Levi that is commonly understood among the AoT fanbase in general, is what pissed me off.

I was simply saying that Levi has developed an in the moment, emotional distance between himself and the events of his life as a way of dealing with the pain those events cause him, and that that emotional distance, that "stoicism" isn't any kind of indicator of him lacking emotion or of him being unaffected by said events. And for that, I'm apparently "woobifying" Levi and saying his stoicism is "fake".

The language they use here is the same type of language that so many of those anon haters were sending to Levi blogs in the wake of "Bad Boy", accusing anyone who wanted to discuss Levi's trauma and the trauma of him being exposed to or even possibly experiencing sexual assault of "femininizing" him or trying to make him seem weak. It's the same sort of homophobic, sexist attitude, and is plainly indicative of this person's biased, even vitriolic disdain of any man who's impacted by their trauma. This kneejerk hostility toward anyone daring to acknowledge that Levi is an emotional man who indeed IS impacted by the events of his life. It says everything about what kind of person they are, and nothing about Levi himself. They just hate men who possess any qualities that could be seen as feminine in any way, including having actual feelings, apparently.

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 2/25/2022

Ugh, the vibes are poor, fam.

I am stuck in what we call in my family, an “I want to wear a shirt but I don’t want to wear a shirt” situation (after a particularly epic and strangely relatable tantrum my son threw as a toddler). I want to write, but when I sit down to write, nothing comes out. I have fifteen stories to work on and none of them interest me. It’s hard to even think about them. Even when I do manage to write some, I don’t like what I’ve written. I don’t feel funny. I haven’t felt funny in ages. I actually have some ideas for some Tumblr posts I want to do, but I just haven’t because of the not-funny thing.

I think the actual problem (in addition to the never-ending stream of distressing and depressing world events) is that I am under-stimulated. There is not enough enrichment in the enclosure. For so much of my life, I have had to carve out time to write and draw, and those became the primary thing I did with my free time. Currently, I have a lot of free time, but I don’t have any energy/attention span for writing and there’s nothing else I want to do, either. I’ve read about the creative cycle, and I know that taking in other media is an important part of idea renewal. I have some stuff I have told myself I want to read and some video games that, in theory, I would like to play, but I just can’t because I would rather write, except that I don’t want to write. What I really want is for someone else to drop a 100k Renruki fanfic on ao3 so I can devour it, but that seems... somewhat unlikely. Art is...okay. I just finished a piece that was extremely tedious to color and immediately started a new one, but it doesn’t scratch the itch the way writing does. I have two phone games that I have been playing for most of the pandemic, and I am in the awful endgame for both of them where I have unlocked 98% of the content, and it’s soullessly grinding out the finish (like, I could certainly quit both of them now, it’s not even like there’s gonna be some big payoff, but I don’t want to, I want the games to have more content. At least one of them still updates from time to time, the other one hasn’t been supported for years). 

People tell me to take a break all the time, but one of the major problems is that writing and running this dumb blog is literally the only coping mechanism I have for dealing with my depression, so taking a break is kinda...fraught. I know that sounds dramatic, but I did two years of therapy and my therapist was like “wow you sure are impervious to everything I can think of, it’s so great that you have the fanfic thing, tell me more about your fanfic” (I did try some antidepressants at some point, and they ranged in effectiveness from “did nothing” to “severely fucked me up”.)

Anyway, I’m trying to do other stuff that’s not writing (if I ever feel the *urge* to write, I certainly will, but I’m not making myself sit down to stare into the endless void of the monitor until I write a single sentence). I caught up on my household chores. I ordered seeds for the garden. I have been trying to convince myself to work on my taxes, but surprisingly, I don’t really feel like doing that, either. 

Here are my accomplishments for the week:

Depressing Academy Story - Wrung hands over extensively, did not manage to finish. Should probably re-read, but cannot bring myself to.

Tattoo Artist AU - Currently at 13,638 (+664, but I rewrote most of a chapter and I’m actually surprised this wasn’t negative). Ought to be excited about writing the next chapter, but am just not, which is the main sign that something is going sideways in my brain.

Dreadful Porno - I think I goofed up the word count on this last time and it was at 1263, not +1263. In any case, it’s at 2286 now (so maybe +1023??) but I think I’ve completely lost interest in it again. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Finished coloring (1) illustration for the last chapter of Hearts, you will see it in 2 weeks

[angryschnauzer]

Imagine you're Henry's neighbour, you've heard his conquests, have to admit you're a little jealous as they all sound happy. But it make you wonder if they are faking it.

You chat to friend on the phone whilst in the garden, not realising he can hear you.

The knock on your door later that evening was unexpected but when you see your hot neighbour there you have no idea why.

Until he offers to show you just why those other women were so happy

Okay so i decided to continue my PE Teacher Henry series with this one, previous parts below:

Thigh Riding,  Jingle My Bells , An Epic Quickie

Warnings: Fluff, a little bit of Angst, talk of breakups, young idiots in love.

The Boy Next Door

The sun was shining and the sounds of late summer could be heard as the four of you settled on dining chairs that had been pulled out onto the ramshackle patio so you could celebrate moving into the shared house for your last year of Uni and doing Post-Graduate for teaching. Opening a chilled bottle of Echo Falls Rose Zinfandel, Marie sloshed it into the four waiting glasses, handing on to each of you;

“Here’s to just one more year of Uni, then we can be set free onto the world of teaching education rather than being taught!”

The four of you had all done your degree’s together, and by the end of your 3rd year you had moved into a shared house to save on halls of residence costs. When you’d all decided to attend the same Uni for your Post Graduates qualification it was the easy choice to decide to rent together, and you’d manage to snag a gorgeous multi level Victorian town house to rent for the year. The landlord had admitted a few things needed to be updated, but it was a short walk from campus so in exchange for a reduction in rent you’d found the perfect place. 

By the time the 3rd bottle of Zinfandel was opened you were all pleasantly merry, and from the advantage point of the raised patio where the garden dipped away as it went downhill you could see the road that ran alongside the house next door that yours was connected to. The corner house had looked a lot more appealing, but the rent had been considerably higher, so the compromise was that you’d rented the one away from the street corner. Just at that moment another Removals Truck pulled up alongside the corner house, and you could hear various cars park behind it, the sound of young male voices easily heard. It was obvious you had a group of male students living next door.

-

Three weeks into term and you were sat at the desk in your room, glaring at the wall in front of you. No matter how hard you tried to concentrate on how to teach fronted adverbials, the screams of the woman obviously on the verge on an orgasm from the guys house next door just reminded you of your lack of love life. With a sigh you set your pencil down and headed downstairs, away from the obvious now orgasming woman.

“Oh hey Hunny, thought you were catching up on some English Lit stuff?” Marie smiled as she poked at an egg she was attempting to fry on the small electric cooker.

“I was… until there was another screamer next door”

“Oh… another one?” she winced, knowing that from the 2nd day the guys next door had moved in, the one that was in the room next to you had been able to bed a different girl about every three nights or so.

You grabbed a glass of water and stepped outside, letting the sunshine warm your face. Opening your Motorolla Flip Phone you scrolled through your texts, smiling as you saw messages from last years classmates, checking in on how everyone was doing. You were vaguely aware of Marie coming outside, setting a plate down on the patio wall and the click of her lighter as she lit a Royals cigarette.

“You still miss him, don’t you?” she asked.

Pulling your gaze up to her, your eyes immediately growing wet. Nodding you swallowed the lump in your throat. Wrapping your arms around your body you looked out over the garden;

“I know… it’s stupid. Its been two years, and it was a mutual decision to part ways, but Henry was my first, you know? He was my first everything. We got together when we were sixteen, we made it through our A-Levels together, we even managed a year doing long distance when we didn’t get into the same Uni…”

“What about that dude… Chris? Didn’t you two have a thing a while back”

You let out a laugh;

“He loves his politics too much to commit to a relationship. If i had to listen to one more rant about Tony Blair whilst we tried to go out for dinner i would have screamed…”

You looked at Marie who was now halfway through her fried egg sandwich whilst her cigarette sat smouldering in the petunias that had mostly gone over for the season, and she gave you the ‘sad puppy eyes’ as she chewed. You let out a grunt of frustration;

“FUCK! I just want to not feel like this anymore! I’ve spent two years moping over Henry-fucking-Cavill, i just want to be able to get on with my post graduate and move on with my life without being constantly reminded of his skills every time i try to do any work in my room!”

-

Henry smiled and waved as Monica, no Michelle, no… wait… whoever made their way down the front steps of the house, closing the door with a sigh of relief. 

“Another one dude?”

Looking at where Anthony was coming down the stairs he nodded;

“Yup. Sorry about the noise” 

He followed his housemate through to the kitchen, switching the kettle on. He was now used to Henry’s conquests screaming the house down, but it was still fun to taunt Henry about the noise they would make;

“So, this was was faking it again?”

Henry looked at him in mock-shock;

“I can assure you none of them fake it”

Chucking teabags into two mugs Anthony chuckled;

“I know man. But i also know you’re still trying to fill the void she left. Its been two years man”

“Yeah, but she’s long gone, i’m her past, i’d only drag her down. She’s probably got some hot politics graduate about to propose to her. She wouldn’t want some dumb physical education ass like me anymore”

Handing him the strong cup of tea Anthony nodded;

“Whatever man, but i still think you should message her, you haven’t spoken in two years and you’re still hung up on her, one last try, huh?”

Heading out to the garden Henry sat on the patio wall and lit a cigarette. He’d sworn he’d never smoke again, what with being a physical education student, but there were still times when he buckled to his nerves and stresses. Lighting up he inhaled deeply, enjoying the quiet of the garden before he heard his neighbours come out onto the patio next door. Through the trellis covered in a thick layer of ivy he could hear everything, as although it did a great job at giving visual privacy, the clear voices of the young women next door carried easily through the greenery.

Ten minutes later Henry almost knocked Anthony over as he bolted up the stairs;

“Sorry man, got something to do… gotta get my Blackberry”

-

The next morning you were on your way to class when your phone chimed, looking at the screen you felt your blood run hot then cold at the name on the display;

“What does he want?” you muttered to yourself, before with a sigh you pushed the phone back into your bag, deciding to look at it later once you had finished your class. The last thing you needed to get your mind off of Henry was a text from him.

-

Making your way out to the patio, you threw your bag onto the sofa and smiled as you saw the rest of the girls already out enjoying the last of the days sunshine;

“Heeeyyyyy there she is” Janelle called, sipping from a bottle of Becks

“Is there any more of those? I need a drink”

Handing you a bottle Marie smiled as you smashed the cap off using the top brick of the wall, sipping the tart bubbles of Lager you let out a sigh;

“Henry texted me today”

The three girls went quiet before Jo spoke;

“What did he say?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t read it. I’m trying to get over him, the last thing i need is getting my hopes up. He’s hundreds of miles away, no doubt doing something super sporty that only makes him look even better, probably coaching kids rugby or something. He’s not gonna want some boring English teacher wannabe like me”

At the mere mention of the word ‘Wannabe’ the others broke into a poor rendition of the Spice Girls song, unaware of the silent frustration happening the other side of the ivy trellis.

-

After one beer you’d excused yourself, deciding to take advantage of the quiet to get some coursework done, thankful that your room neighbour on the other side of the wall wasn’t entertaining any female guests again, but you had no idea how long that would last so the sooner you got some work done the better. With your bedroom window open you got back to work, getting in a full hour before your phone chimed again with another text. Glancing at the little screen on the front you scowled, another text from Henry.

Setting the phone down you went back to your work, frowning as you struggled to concentrate, until five minutes later your phone chimed again, your eyes going wide when you saw it was yet another text from Henry;

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!” you yelled at your phone.

“A REPLY!”

You sat at your desk, surely your ears were now playing tricks on you, you could have sworn you’d heard Henry’s voice. With a sigh you set your pencil down and opened your phone, reading the messages;

Received 8.46am: Hi. I know its been a long time but i’d love to call you at some point. Would be good to hear your voice. Hen. x

Received 4.55pm: Miss you. Can I call you? Hen. x

The phone beeped whilst you held it, another text coming in;

Received 4.59pm:

Look outside.

Glancing at your window you moved to it and looked out, before a voice so familiar it sent chills down your spine shouted out;

“Down here!”

-

Janelle shouted out as you flew down the stairs, Jo and Marie both staring at the blur you made as you ran past the lounge and out the front door, letting it swing on its hinges;

“Where is she going so fast?”

The three girls stood at the window and smiled as they wanted to run into Henry’s arms;

“Into her future Husband’s embrace” Marie sighed, the three watching as the young lovers fell back into each other's arms.

“Wait, is he the ‘loud’ one?” Jo asked to no-one in particular

“Unfortunately… i spoke to one of the other guys - Anthony - last week, he apologised for his housemates noises”

“Oh well… guess she can get us some ear plugs then”