#and tell you 'Yeah go ahead you don't need to remediate'

[dragmirc]

welp

according to my doc, i hurt myself worse than i thought, so i am off fieldwork for a while until i get the go-ahead again. that means i'll be here more often for a bit, when not doing busy/paperwork.

so in lieu, feel free to add my Discord if you want to chat and plot at all!

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

Of All Things, I Became a Geovishap

You always imagined that if you woke up in the world of Genshin, the possibilities of being a Visionless wielder of elements and a slew of romantic shenanigans would lie in your wake. But when you instead find yourself in the body of a Geovishap with romance likely out of the question, your only conclusion is that the gods of reincarnation isekai hate your guts.

cw. you're a geovishap

pairing. zhongli x reader, xiao x reader, ganyu x reader, yun jin x reader (separate)

notes. don't feel like being a geovishap today? well go ahead and go to the series masterlist and see what your life could be if you were something else in genshin.

You know the saying 'all men are created equal'? Yeah, whoever made that clearly never woke up reincarnated as a geovishap.

You're not even a geovishap hatchling which is arguably cute enough that a kid could convince their parent to let them keep you as a pet. No, you're a fully grown geovishap and what typically happens when you get spotted? It's attempt to smite on sight. If it isn't someone screaming in fear, it's someone grabbing some sort of weapon to do you in themselves.

Yeah, not all creatures in Genshin are created equally. Hell if you were going to be some sort of Geo creature, why couldn't you be a Geo slime or something? Those are cute!

Either way, you definitely have your work cut out for you.

Zhongli

By far the best companion you could gain in your experience of being a geovishap... in Zhongli's present point and time. If this was him during his war god days? Well, you're pretty sure you would have been smited on sight unless you could convince the dude you were no threat to his becoming Archon

Thankfully as Zhongli is now, he's a lot more patient. Even better is the fact that he knows you're different than the other geovishaps, not to be the main character here

But Zhongli can tell there's something intrinsically wrong with you being a geovishap and considering the two of you can actually communicate with one another, without telling him his entire life is a series of codes and plot devices, you explain to him you're a human that's been turned into a geovishap and you'd really appreciate it if he could find a way to turn you back to normal

He has no immediate remedies for your troubles, but Zhongli promises that he'll let the adepti know not to let any harm come to you should they come across you

He also becomes great company, unexpectedly. Geovishaps aren't really ones to stay in groups outside of the breeding season (which you definitely want to avoid), so Zhongli reasons that this existence is one that is lonely for you

He visits you often and brings you foods you'd enjoy. Things the people eat, which you appreciate because you were getting tired of eating nothing but sunsettias everyday

Asks Cloud Retainer to craft some sort of communication device you can wear so you can communicate with any adeptus you come across. Or the Traveler so you don't just become resources during their adventure

He even teaches you more about the Geo element and how to best utilize those abilities as you are from creating stable structures to keep you safe from the elements when you sleep outside to giving yourself an extra boost to reach things as needed

You really appreciate Zhongli for treating you like the person you are despite the circumstances. Sometimes though he can't seem to help himself when he rests a hand atop of your rocky head gently when he reassures you that he'll find a away to turn you back to normal

You nudge against him when his eyes become clouded with nostalgia as he recalls friends long since passed and he'll learn against you with a small smile, thanking you for the comfort

He makes your rocky heart beat quite a bit but trying to hit on a guy, even a guy that's a pseudo rock dragon, isn't easy to build up the courage to do when you're made of rocks

Xiao

Yeah. No

You know what sort of timing the conqueror of demons is on and because of that you don't even want to attempt to run into this guy because you know he won't wait long enough for you to convince him you're 'not like the other vishaps'

Just because you aren't a threat now doesn't mean you won't become one later, at least that's what Xiao would likely think

So you do your best not to run into him because unless you somehow manage to turn human again, you don't foresee any interactions with Xiao turning out positively even less so if you run into a member of the Fatui

But should you come across Zhongli and he lets the yaksha know you're not a threat, you won't find yourself speared any time soon. If anything Xiao becomes something akin to a bodyguard to make sure you don't end up getting killed by someone or something. Especially after you get a communication device you wear around your neck

He's not the most talkative though. Usually if he saves you from some sort of ordeal, he handles it and leaves as quickly as he comes

It takes quite a bit of effort on your part to become close to him but if he does end up becoming attached to you, his kindness is still quite clumsy

you'll often wake up to piles of food in front of your den, courtesy of xiao, not that he'll tell you

and he usually checks on you from afar before going about his business contrast to how he normally only waited for you to roar his name if you ever needed him to come to your rescue before ignoring you again

if you ever got yourself into some danger trying to defend him, believing he needs help, he will scold you severely and no amount of trying to look cute (not that a fully grown geovishap can) will stop the onslaught of words

they're out of fear though, not anger. he doesn't want to lose something or someone precious to him and that includes you now

Ganyu

A sweet companion you couldn't be more thankful for

Qilin are peaceful only bearing arms during times of absolute unrest. Thankfully, you reincarnated into the right era because so you don't have anything to worry about as far as Ganyu hurting you

You got her attention when you found her indulging in a nap in the middle of the fields and got worried she may find herself getting attacked, so you decided to stand watch like a rocky guard dog

You even brought qixing flowers for her to nibble on when she woke up, holding them in your mouth to- okay, upon second thought you're sure she wouldn't something covered in geovishap drool in her mouth but maybe she would like the flowers anyway

it was certainly a start when she woke up and saw you beside her but thankfully the qixing flowers were definitely a nice touch in keeping you from getting your ass beat or ganyu taking off at the speed of sound

maybe the easiest companion to form a connection with after zhongli. she finds your gentle temperament sweet and comes to even think of you as her geovishap companion

one she can confess her secrets to knowing you won't tell anyone, nor will you judge her for her worries concerning her adeptus and human halves making her feel like an outsider in both worlds

the only downside is, due to how busy ganyu is, she doesn't get to see you often and you aren't about to lumber your way into liyue harbor and subject yourself to a fearful mob

would be undoubtedly excited if you gained a communication device of some sort, allowing you both to talk and have full conversations with one another that wasn't simply her rambling about her days but even if you didn't, she'd find your way of showing her you care about her lovely

you like ganyu truly........... you're just 99% sure that she thinks of you as something more like a pet than a romantic interest even if she isn't completely human

Yun Jin

If you made a list of characters you thought you could befriend as geovishap, yun jin wouldn't be on it

And yet apparently life had different plans when you encountered the opera singer during one of her nature stints to rehearse and come up with new operas to write

Yun Jin would describe it as something straight out of fiction. A lone girl singing in the forest only to come face to face with a geovishap... but rather than attacking or growing aggressive, the stone creature simply watched in enjoyment

Perhaps that is something worthy of a script!

Of course, that doesn't mean Yun Jin threw all caution out to the wind. In her eyes, you're still a wild animal with elemental abilities and she doesn't wish to subject herself to fucking around and finding out with you

But hoping that this could become a friendship where she at least could start bringing some sort of food with her, you make it habit to watch her rehearse when she finds herself in the same spot time and time again

A surprisingly effective method though because each time you show up to watch Yun Jin perform, the more she lets her guard down. Apparently even a geovishap enjoys partaking in the arts

She won't be apt to feed you after a few weeks though, she'll likely share a snack with you after a couple months only when she is absolutely sure you're not a threat

When she does, you rejoice you have something to nibble on that isn't just edible berries and fruits because you refuse to eat anything else a geovishap eats

Makes you some sort of head dress so it is always easy to tell that you're the geovishap that she often spends her time with. Something of nature, of course, you're not a pet in her eyes. Simply a kindred spirit of another species

[the-real-chuuya]

Yeah, yeah, listen

Billowed up in a winter storm

Go ahead and slam the door

Things won't change, maybe pop another Adderall

Stimulate the anger 'til you're filled with rage, yeah

And I said I wouldn't get involved

But fuck it, I'm a human being, I don't like the way I'm feeling

Cry until the tears dissolve, wait

Raise my bottle in the air, then I smash it off the wall, singin'

Ricochet, misfired, but the bullet hit me anyway

So much blood in the Bentayga, damn, the leather's stained

I need more than liquid codeine and promethazine, therapy

Yeah, I'll do anything to kill this pain

I'm so tired, and I've only got myself to blame

Might not make it to my 30s, dig an early grave

Until then, I'll keep on smiling

Tell the devil, "Go to hell", just for the irony, whoa

There's a part of me that can't let go (can't let go)

I see it in your eyes again

Take a .30 when I know you're feeling low

Now you're splitting drugs with all your friends

You wanna talk until the sunrise

Wasted, we don't always get it right

You just wanna argue 'bout my state of mind (yeah, that's what I said)

So sad, what a waste of time (time)

yeah

She said to me, "Your life's like a movie"

I've been awake, I've been feeling lucid

Dream in a dream, dreams, I always lose it

I'm on a roll, can't keep me focused

I've been up too long, I'm just so nauseous

These drugs I've been on, got me intoxicated

I'm intoxicated, I'm intoxicated

Ricochet, misfired, but the bullet hit me anyway

So much blood in the Bentayga, damn, the leather's stained

I need more than liquid codeine and promethazine, therapy

Shit, man, I'll take anything to kill this pain

I'm so tired, and I've only got myself to blame

Might not make it to my 30s, dig an early grave

Until then, I'll keep on smiling

Tell the devil, "Go to hell", I do it for the irony, yeah

Can't look behind me

That shit's in the past, can't look behind me now

Keep on riding

I'll make future for riding now

Pools of blood all in the Bentayga

She wanna fuck, I say, "Yes, baby"

I'm on a buzz, I'm like, "Yeah"

Sitting with my thoughts ain't the remedy

I'm still knee-deep in this fuckery (your life's like a movie)

(Like a movie-vie-vie-vie-vie, your life's like a movie, like a movie)

Still can't let go of the troubled scenes in my head (like a movie)

(Like a movie-vie-vie-vie-vie) bleed in my bed alone

(Your life's like a movie) yeah (your life's like a movie)

She said, "Your life's like a movie" (like a movie, your life's like a movie)

(Your life's like a movie) you know how I do it

RICOCHET- Chase Atlantic <3

I am not reading all that it took me five minutes just to scroll

[mickmundy]

make way everyone my gf and i were discussing one of our other medsnips that i neglected to mention in my other post BUT.,., priest sniper and "priest" (demon) medic.,. heh.. also let it be known that The Church here means like. chr*stian religion umbrella or w/e lol. don't care about getting any more/less specific atm but just so we're clear lskdfjd

so medic was a human who thought that The Church was total bullshit and encouraged people to question them and their faith in general etc. he ends up being burned at the stake for "crimes" [caught publicly denouncing the church, framed for a crime or like whatever. not dwelling on this part] and comes back as a demon that is dead set (hoo!) on making things as miserable for the church as possible (feeds off of strife and chaos of course), so he travels around and eventually comes upon a church that sniper is a part of. he's been born and raised to be a part of it and continues to do so because it's what he was taught and ever since his parents died he's just been leaning on it extra hard. Very Devout... wanted to make his family proud... etc.....

so medic is eager to start "feeding" off of this establishment and comes across sniper who is one of the first to welcome him ("some people can be rude to newcomers. i always try making 'em feel welcome, so... welcome,. heh.") and medic can tell that sniper is good-hearted and is like hmm... he will be spared from my wrath ^w^! and so things start happening around the church like more gossip starts coming out, food starts going bad quicker, some people leave, etc... and this whole time sniper's been having... really good "luck". his fruits are riper, meat tastes better, etc. strange!

one time sniper and a few others (shitty people) are under some pillar or something in the church and it "randomly" collapses and medic conveniently is right nearby to watch as sniper is miraculously juuust enough out of the way to be completely unharmed. and medic rushes over and is like "mein gott, are you alright!" and sniper's like "yeah!! heh, i must have a guardian angel!" and medic's heart flutters and is like "hoo…! imagine that! >v>"

more under the cut; is a little suggestive, so just a heads up!

so naturally being a lover of gossip and chaos, the confessional is medic's favorite place to be. easy pickin's for a demon like himself and completely private (plus it's not something other members typically enjoy doing so higher ups immediately stuck medic with it), so he's chilling in there doing his rounds reading a magazine etc and someone comes in and is like "d'like to confess... something..." and medic knows that voice.,., it's... sniper.,.,

medic instantly perks up and is giving sniper his Genuine Full Attention and like "yes, go ahead," and sniper swallows thickly and is like "i need help. i think i've been... well, i think i'm sick," and medic raises a brow and is like "well, that can be remedied with medicine-" and sniper kinda cuts him off and is like "no. not like... that." and medic stays silent and sniper tries again and is like "i... i have... feelings... of... (clears throat)... various... complexities.,., for someone." and medic's like "well feelings certainly aren't a sickness. how do you feel that this is wrong?" and sniper's like "... it's... feelings of.... lust." and medic bristles a bit because he's about to be so lethally jealous if sniper has a crush on anyone but him!!

buuut medic knows this feeling all too well and being a demon doesn't mean he's devoid of feelings... he remembers what it was like being a human too! and is like "you should tell the object of our affection.., they would certainly be glad to hear it..." and sniper shakes his head repeatedly and is like trying to articulate like yes he has a crush on him but not only that he wants to fuck diabolically nastily with him and medic can like. Sense/Feel the distress coming off of sniper.... and sniper's SOOOOOO sexually wound up and has had the literal fear of God put into him and medic's like ;_; would never judge him for this... wants to help Sexually but also emotionally... :'(

and medic's like "well, why don't you walk me through your pain. tell me about it a bit more in depth. these feelings surely aren't sinful-" and sniper cuts him off and is like "but they are! y'don't get it, i.., the things i want him to do to me...!" and basically starts dirty talking (accidentally.. SD:FK:SDF) to medic and medic's like ok genuinely? lord have mercy and they're both all wound up and at this point medic's trying not to transform because sniper's lust is like. palpable to him and its delicious but he also doesn't want to scare sniper.,.!

[not going to post nsfw itself here despite the copious amounts i've written of it for this LOL but pretend i did. it just jumps from here becuase we're still sorting out exactly how medic reveals himself as a demon but they're getting hot and heavy we'll just say that.]

when medic reveals himself (all of the things sniper's feeling + what medic himself is feeling it becomes literally impossible to stop his transformation) sniper's like shaking and is like "oh my god. oh my god. oh my god please don't kill me, i'm sorry, i'm sorry!" and medic cups sniper's cheek and is like "your... guardian angel would never hurt you.,, darling michel.,." and sniper's like WHAT ALL OF THAT WAS YOU THIS WHOLE BLOODY TIME????? and medic grins (rows and rows of sharp teeth) and is like "hee hee.,. guilty...! ^v^" and the more they fool around [redacted amounts of smut lskfsklddjf] medic's pupils start going black and red and his voice as a like Metallic Twang to it and he starts growing horns and wings and flaps them excitedly and whacks his tail around (wagging it) and sniper gasps and squeezes his thighs around medic's head tighter (a bit startled) and it just makes his tail sway harder/makes his wings flap excitedly and sniper moans and is like "ohhhhh god!!! <33" arches his back and gasps and medic's like "aheh, please, call me ludwig ^v^" and sniper whimpers his name and medic's like @v@

aaand the rest i'll probably post about on my nsfw twitter at some point HEH (mutuals can feel free to dm me and ask for it)! >:) but i hope u enjoy!! ^v^ <333 like anything else feel free to send asks about them or whatever u wanna do heh!! <3

[gnattyplayssims]

1947 Pt1 - Now I See the Light

Kye had taken up a habit of sitting beside the window after the kids went to school. The radio was playing softly and he wasn't even that put off by the sound anymore. Everything felt different with Anabelle at his side.

"Lizzie said I'd find you in here. You okay?"

"Things have never been better."

"Oh. Well it seemed pretty urgent when you called yesterday. I left my family in a hurry. We were worried."

"I guess I got overexcited. Sorry." Hezekiah chuckled nervously, rubbing his hands on his chair.

"So what did you want to talk about?"

Kye looked back out the window where Anabelle was working in the garden. "I'm gonna ask her to marry me, Knox."

"What!? That's amazing!"

"Yeah...I want to make it really magical but," He nodded to the chair, "obviously I can't do it alone."

"Just tell us what you need."

"I knew I'd find you out here. Did Knox leave already?"

He grabbed her hand pulling her closer. "Yeah, he couldn't stay long. But he invited the two of us to come for a visit. Their new place is accessible for me and we were thinking maybe a picnic, back at the old campsite."

She sat beside him, "That would be nice, it's been so long since I've seen Kailee. And the park in Autumn?"

"The leaves turning red just like when we met."

"Can you believe it's been 15 years?"

"Impossible, you can't possibly be a day over 21." She sighed and leaned into him

He pulled her closer, kissing her cheek. "You know when I was a kid, after my mom remarried, David and I built a tree swing just like this."

"Mmm tell me more."

"I never would have imagined we'd have that in common. I didn't appreciate it then, but he was a good father"

She lay her head in his lap and he stroked her hair. "You're a good father too, Kye. David would be proud of the man you've become." "You really think so?"

"There are so few men who could do what you've done. If Stefan grows to be even half the man you are-"

"He'll be better!"

He leaned over so he could see her face and her fingers went instinctively to his hair. "You know, I spent a lot of time on that tree swing as a teenager, but you know something I never did?"

"Hmm?"

"I never once madeout with a beautiful girl. I think it's time I remedy that."

A few weeks later Kye and Anabelle took the ferry to Port Promise. Kailee was keeping Anabelle distracted while Knox and Kye went ahead. "Well what do you think?"

"Knox this is amazing! Exactly how I imagined"

"Then why do you look so worried"

"I'm kinda starting to freak out"

Knox knelt down beside him. "Hey, that's just the old voices talking. Don't listen. You'll be fine. You ready?"

"No. I've been dreading this part."

Knox chuckled, "Me too, but just think of Anabelle's face when she sees you out there"

Kye nodded, "Okay, let's get it over with"

"I don't understand why we had to get so dressed up to meet up for a picnic."

"To look good for our men."

"I guess but this dress is way too expensive to get mud on."

"Never known you to be one to worry about some dirt." Knox smirked as he joined them "Come on, Kye's waiting."

They came around the corner and Anabelle gasped when she saw Kye sitting there on the water. "Kye, what is this? What's going on?"

Kye smiled nervously, "Care to join me?" Knox pulled the boat to shore and steadied her as she stepped in and settled across from him.

Kye tucked her knees between his pulling her as close as possible, "You look beautiful!" She blushed and looked out at the water, nervously.

The sun was starting to set and Kye took her hands as something on the edge of the pond caught her attention, "Oh! Kye, did you do this?"

Suddenly the air all around them filled with lights, dancing across her awestruck face.Kye kissed her knuckles gently "I'm kinda freaking out right now."

"Why?"

"I love you so much it scares the life out of me. But I'm more scared to be without you...Ana...will you marry me?"

Tears began to well in her eyes as she nodded rapidly, "Yes! Yes, of course!"

He laughed and slipped the ring onto her finger. "This ring was my Grandma Hoffman's, then my Aunt Lizette's. David gave it to me before the war. I never thought-" He choked and squeezed her hand.

She leaned forward and he whispered as he cupped her face, "Am I dreaming?"

"If we are, I hope we never wake up." Their lips met and fear melted away. Kye looked to the shore "Hmm, Knox was supposed to be back by now."

"Do you think they..."

"Oh man!"

"I...could carry you."

"I'm so humiliated." Kye complained as Anabelle slipped off her shoes and lifted Kye onto her back.

"It's fine! I'm stronger than I look."

He planted a kiss on her cheek, "At least I can reach your ear better...and your neck"

"Stop it, I'm gonna drop you"

"You're so ticklish"

"There it is!" He pointed but the sudden shift of his weight caused her to lose balance and suddenly he was falling.

"KYE!"

He landed hard on his back and she fell on top of him. He groaned as she struggled to get up, "So next time let's just keep making out in the boat okay?"

"Are you hurt?"

"I'm feeling better now. But now I have a confession."

"What?"

"When I crashed into you that day 15 years ago and I was looking down on you like you are right now...I really wanted to do this..." He pulled her into a searing kiss that left both of them dizzy

Eventually she got him into his chair and he pulled her in again unable to stop now they'd started. "What do you say we move this to that bench and relive our 20's?"

She blushed. "We did a lot more than make out."

He smirked, "Mhm but there won't be any surprises this time."

1947 Pt2 - Pulling Weeds

[theguardianofinsanity]

Obligatory Sickness

Spencer Reid x gn reader

"Nope, nope, no no no no. I'm not going anywhere" your voice sounded like utter garbage. Your throat was scratchy, eyes were bloodshot, stuffed nose, body pains. You were sick, which sucked because you did have things to do today. Not like you wanted to do them. While you called ahead and cancelled most of your activities, there was one more call you had to make. It was the thing you were the most excited to do, your weekend staycation with your boyfriend of 2 years Spencer Reid.

He was a part of the behavioral analysis unit at FBI. This weekend he had off, well deserved too from his weekly travels dealing with just about every type of person. The plan was after he got off work today you both would grab dinner at this tiny place Garcia recommended. Then on Saturday you both would eat breakfast at your favorite cafe, maybe have him beat you at a game of chess then spend time with Garcia and Morgan for the rest of the day.

You didn't get to plan Sunday because he left for another case, but all of this work was all for naught because of your current predicament. Taking a deep breath, at least trying to, you tapped on Spencer's contact and pressed call. He picked up after a couple rings.

"Hey sweetie! We're on jet home right now. Did you need something?" Spencer asks in a very sweet tone, you can hear Derek mocking him in the background.

"Hey Spencer, I-" you start.

"Y/N you sound awful! And you never call me by first name, are you okay?" you give a small chuckle at his immediate response.

"Love you too, yeah I'm alright. Although I do need to cancel our dinner plans for tonight, I'm sick" you pull your phone away so you can cough. "I'm really sorry love"

"Goodness, it's alright we'll get back soon and I'll get things and we can huddle up for the weekend, His voice gets soft. "Just get some rest, I'll be home soon. I love you"

"I love you too" you hang up and get cozy under the covers getting sleepier by the second.

"Wow pretty boy, you sound like a really good boyfriend" Spencer turns his head to see Derek looking at him with a smirk on his face.

"I would hope so, I don't Y/N would be with me if I didn't care" Spencer pulls out a note pad and a pen. "Hey guys? What would I need to care for Y/N?"

"What? How do you not know?" JJ pipes up.

"I don't really get sick anymore, when I did, I was a kid and my mom took care of me"

"A home remedy will make them feel better, I had one for years that I used even I felt like I was on the brink" Rossi says.

"That's not surprising, brought up through family?" Derek questions.

"Yup"

"So what is it?" Reid looks to Rossi.

"Not gonna tell you, family secret"

JJ sighs, takes the notepad and starts writing, "Alright, you'll need cough medicine, tissues, vaseline, advil, nyquil, some bland foods like soup and crackers. I do have some homemade chicken noodle soup in my fridge" she looks up and points the pen at Spencer. "Just make sure you bring my tupperware back" she glares at him.

"Of course you have tupperware" Emily laughs. "You are such a mom"

JJ moves her glare to Emily, "Anyways, I'll bring it over tonight with Rossi and his 'get healthy quick remedy', this is probably going to be a long weekend for the both of you" she rips off the page and hands it over to the Doctor. Spencer puts the paper in his pocket and shuffles uncomfortably in his seat.

When could you have gotten sick? You hadn't had work all week, no need to go grocery shopping...but one of your friends came to Quantico this week. You spent one of your days off with them. But you'll be okay, you can handle a couple more hours without him there.

You start to stir when you feel someone shaking you. You peek your eyes open to see your boyfriend leaning over you with a soft smile. You struggle to pull the covers over your head and curl up into a ball. "No, leave me alone, I sick" your voice is rough, it feels like you're swallowing sand paper.

"You know you have to, it'll be quick and easy"

"I'm sorry Y/N but I can't, I need you feeling better" he helps you sit up and you lean back against your headboard. You tilt your head and look at him with tired eyes and smile at him.

"It sounds like your holding me at gunpoint" he sighs at your remark.

"Come on, JJ's bringing soup later tonight and you need to take this before you can eat the soup" you squint your eyes at him, feeling your resistance dissolve.

"I feel like death, but at least you're here" the bed dips as Spencer sits down, you hear the crinkling of a plastic bag. He pulls out a dark colored bottle, your eyes widen out of fear, "Absolutely not, I do not care if die because I don't take it, I'd rather die" you cough out.

"Fine, hand it here" you reach out your hand and take the medicine. You open it, pour some into the cap, and down it as possible. Your body wildly reacting to the gross liquid, making you remember the body aches. "Ow ow ow, I don't like you Spence" you groan out.

"I'm really sorry sweetie but now you have chicken soup to look forward to" he cups your face kisses your forehead, your body relaxes at his affection. "God your burning up and fairly pale, I'm glad I have time off because now you have Dr. Spencer Reid to nurse you back to health" he carefully pulls you in for a hug.

"You're not that type of doctor honey" you rasp out.

"Well I have everything I need to take care you, I might as well be" you hum in response leaning into him further resting on his shoulder.

You both jump at the sound of knocking at the door, you groan knowing that now you would have to move. "Alright, I should get that" much to your dismay Spencer was already pulling you up with him but to his dismay, you had gone pretty much boneless. "Y/N you'll be a lot more comfortable in the living room" he pleads, you stay quiet for a bit.

"I will move only if you read to me while I eat"

"You don't need bargain with me for me to do that"

"So that's a yes?"

"Yes, now let's go. We can't leave them there outside, it would be rude" he then goes on a nerdy tangent, which you don't quite catch.

Before you know it, you're being sat down on your couch and Spencer is answering the door. You close your eyes curl up listening to the voices of your boyfriend and his colleagues. You hear the clicking of heels and then a soft hand presses against your forehead, "Oh honey..." You open your eyes to see the one and only mom of the BAU, JJ.

"Hey mom" you give her a weak smile. She chuckles.

"I brought food for you, do you think you can sit up and eat?" You nod in response slowly rising from the couch. You can feel yourself wobble, JJ quickly stabilizes you. You were way sicker than you thought. A bowl is placed infront of you, you slowly pick it up and bring it towards you but it is quickly grabbed as someone sits beside you.

"Y/N this is like the saddest thing to watch, I have to help" when did Penelope get here?

"We'll save the reading for later" Spencer says.

With her help you eat around half the bowl. Garcia offers another spoonful to you but you shake your head and lean back on the couch with a wide sleepy smile on your face.

"Alright I think they're done for the night" says another voice, "Remember Reid, once in the morning and once at night"

"I'll remember Rossi, I reall-"

"I know you can't really forget", you laugh a little at the chat between them.

Slowly one by one they leave you both for the night.

"You have really great friends Spence" you softly say to him as he leads you back to the bedroom. "They really spent this time around me just to make sure I was okay" Spencer lays you down on your bed.

"Yeah, they are great" he tucks you in and gets in bed beside you.

"Spence?"

"Yes?"

"I love you" you hug him a little closer.

"I love you too Y/N"

On Sunday, Spencer finally got you all to himself. Plus you were feeling a lot better. The day was spent with Spencer loving on you and you experiencing every single type of love language. This will probably be the only time you wouldn't mind being sick.

On Saturday all of the BAU dropped by when they knew you were feeling better. In the morning Hotch brought Jack over and you got a very nice "Get Well Soon!" card from him. Afterwards Prentiss brought Sergio and you both talked about times that your genius level of intellect boyfriend wasn't the smartest, it wasn't an enjoyable time for him.

Morgan dropped by in the afternoon and told you about the latest case that they came back from, going in with the insults on the unsub. Both Garcia and Spencer made you watch Doctor Who when she came by, no way of escaping. JJ came in the late afternoon to check up on you also to grab her tupperware, and Rossi walked in that evening to make you and Spencer dinner but left shortly after he was finished. This all happened in one day.

_________________________________________

Matthew Gray Gubler makes my heart fucking

at certain points while writing this i was laughing like a gremlin

VIBRATE

[celestialmango]

Ya know what, while I'm at it imma spill some more plants knowledge I know. One of the biggest dangerous for insects is destruction of habits, and you know what? There is in fact something you can do about that easily if you happen to have a lawn.

Get rid of your grass, yeah you heard me, your grass, toss it. You want something nice and green to make your lawn out of? Go for moss, it's soft, keeps your soil damp and is fun to walk barefoot on. Even better than that if you want something pretty. Go get some wildflower mixed seeds and just, scattered them all over. Pollinators get nectar and more habitat, you get a yard of pretty flowers and to see bugs like ladybugs, bees, and butterflies visit.

Got dandelions in your yard? Leave them there. This is a grand misconception about dandelions calling them nothing but weeds. They are wrong. For one thing you can eat the leaves and flowers, they're a medical plant, they're a source of nutrition. Instead of ranting about them here have some more articles.

First off, most important information. A medical article written by a doc and reviewed by another. Don't just jump into the other articles before reading this one because this one is very important if you plan to ingest them. It gives you some info on, Benefits and Uses, Possible Side Effects, Precautions, Dosage and Interactions. Before adding anything like this to your diet you need to know how it would affect your health and what the side effects may be. Be smart and talk to a doc.

Eating them is not the only thing you can do with them. As discussed in the other two articles. Any of those 'im using natural herbal, remedies, I'm the professional and you should listen to me despite the fact I have no medical training or background, I'm better than a doctor'? Don't listen. Talk to a doctor because things you eat can affect your medication among other things. This first article is just about ingestion.

And again like with any herb eating it isn't the only use for it as the second and third article will tell you. Biggest point that I'll go ahead and spoil a little bit about dandelions is they are actually good for your lawn. Both the second and third article will tell you why.

[itsclydebitches]

I kinda wonder, what could bakugou do (hori write bakugou to do) to make him less popular with the "anti" crowd. Like He was a horrid child no doubt and people who try to put blame on Deku or lessen the terrible shit bakugou did aren't great. But as we don't rly see it, we have to assume bakugous behaviour wasn't stopped, we only ever saw his mum "punishing" him when he was being rude after getting kiddnapped. Nothing will excuse what bakugou did, but he has stopped? He's overall a harsh person but he's not harrassing and bullying people anymore, specifically not deku, he's trying to attone for what he did to deku and has now apologised for it. His behaviour was never viewed as justified or good in the series, he's a scary figure in middle school, we're not meant to like his behaviour, so the series itself hasn't justified his actions.

As someone who relate to both bakugou and deku more than I'd like to admit (never told someone to jump tho, that's fucked lol) so I can 100% understand not liking or even hating bakugou but as someone who's not 15 anymore, looking back I also made a lot of really shitty decisions and like bakugou have tried to make up for it, and like deku I was 'friends' with people who hurt me.

Is there anything he can do for the "antis" to just dislike him rather that be "anti"?

(I'm very sorry if you've talked about this somewhere, you can just tell me to look for it if you have, I'll continue to look for your posts on the subject)

Hey there, anon! I think I’ve spoken about this only tangentially and/or in my main Bakugo meta, which is too big for anyone sane to read. So yeah, let’s chat here!

For me personally—and that’s all I can ever do: speak personally. I think it’s important to keep in mind that there is no single solution to please the “anti” crowd. Each fan will be looking for something slightly different in Bakugo’s character, much of which might contradict what a “stan” is currently enjoying. Given how charged a character he is, I'm not sure it's possible to get the entire fandom to like him—what I’m looking for hinges on having a different reading of the story than you seem to. Meaning, I think the series does justify his behavior. Not in any overt, super obvious way like having all the characters go, “Wow, Bakugo! I sure do love how you threaten people all the time. That’s super cool and heroic!” Things are rarely that straightforward. Rather, it’s in a more subtle, but consistent manner that paints a rather conclusive picture across hundreds of chapters.

Simply put, Bakugo is continually rewarded for his actions. Or, if not outright rewarded, his actions are ignored in a way that implies silent acceptance. Characters may not always like what he does... but they're willing to let it slide because Bakugo's heroism was always treated as a given, not something he had to earn and prove.

With the ever necessary disclaimer that I’m not fully caught up yet, here’s a list of some of the things that stood out to me in the first half of the series:

Bakugo’s bullying made him the most popular kid in school.

Bakugo’s bullying was ignored by/outright supported by the teachers.

Bakugo’s bullying did not hinder him from getting into U.A., one of the most prestigious hero schools around.

Despite acting horribly throughout his time at U.A. too, this behavior was continually ignored by the teachers and other authority figures around him.

Bakugo’s struggle to realize that other people aren’t “trash” doesn’t hurt his achievements in any way. He still gets top scores, still wins the tournament, etc.

Bakugo’s behavior gets him special attention from All Might, the greatest hero and Bakugo’s personal idol.

His behavior doesn’t make others dislike him in any manner that’s taken seriously. Everybody is still willing to not just put up with Bakugo, but—in time—start treating his behavior as a quirk (no pun intended lol) that they’re secretly fond of, rather than something he should legitimately be striving to change. Kirishima is the most overt example of this.

This is compounded by his behavior constantly being framed as humorous. Much like with Mineta’s perverted actions, characters might superficially go, “No, that’s bad!” but the story never demands any significant development because then we’d lose the “joke” of Bakugo screaming in rage at the slightest inconvenience, threatening to murder someone over nothing, constantly belittling everyone around him in a “funny” manner, etc. When fans talk about development of a manga character as archetypal and extreme as Bakugo, most don’t really want to see significant change to his base personality. Because then that would result in someone who doesn’t look like the “real” Bakugo: someone nicer, more even-tempered, more mature, etc. But for those of us who were never drawn to that personality in the first place, the continued acceptance of his rude, egotistical, and violent behavior is discomforting. The easiest comparison I can draw is between this and Bakugo’s mother slapping him. That slap is meant to be another “joke”—we see it constantly in shonen anime, something "humorous" you shouldn’t take too seriously because haha, it's just an overprotective mother—but many fans do take it seriously, using it as the basis for a whole “Bakugo was abused and this explains his behavior” reading. Well, I take the “joke” of Bakugo’s threats and insults seriously, especially in a story that starts with something like telling Izuku to jump off the roof. In the same way that many fans want others to treat Bakugo’s mother as a serious topic that has had a negative influence on his development, I want the series to take Bakugo’s everyday actions seriously as a negative influence on… well, everyone around him. But it doesn’t. His base personality is grudgingly adored.

The above two points are seen most overtly in Izuku, who never wavers in his respect for Bakugo despite how Bakugo treats him. Not just prior to U.A., but during their training too. Izuku, as the protagonist, is the emotional heart of this tale, so when he talks about how inspiring Bakugo is, it encourages the reader to see his behavior as inspiring too. Rather than, as said, something that needs to change. Izuku's continued friendship with Bakugo, his adoration of him, and his acceptance of the way he's treated has severely warped how the entire story sees Bakugo's actions. After all, if #pure Izuku can see the good in Bakugo, why can't everyone else? He must not be that bad after all.

I could get into detailed analyses of all the above—like how Bakugo was the one comforted after attacking Izuku outside the dorms at night and how the messed up relationship he has with Izuku is upheld as something to nurture; how the remedial courses he had to take were made to be rather silly, thereby undermining their supposed importance to his development; how Bakugo’s kidnapping had nothing to do with his flaws, but much of the fandom uses it as a way to dismiss any appropriate consequences because, “Hasn’t he suffered enough?” etc.—but in the interest of keeping this within a readable length, I’ll leave it at that. The point is that Bakugo has always been privileged when it comes to his behavior, resulting in others either outright praising it, ignoring it, or demanding that he change a miniscule bit, which always keeps him far below the standards of both his peers and the expectations of a hero. Everyone in 1-A must learn to be even better than the good people they already are... Bakugo needs to learn that other people aren't dirt at the bottom of his shoes. It's never been a particularly impressive development when pit against the rest of the class. All of which can make something like an apology feel pretty hollow. Yes, he’s apologized and I say with all seriousness that that’s great! But how does that apology stack up against 300+ chapters of content? As Bakugo’s words highlight, he's been a really awful person up "until now": he was consumed by Izuku being “miles ahead of [him],” he “looked down on [him]” because he didn’t have a quirk, he “didn’t want to recognize that,” he “hated that,” “grew distant,” “tried to beat you down,” “opposed you and tried to show my superiority over you,” and ends it all with, “it probably doesn’t mean anything telling you all this” before finally getting to the “I’m sorry.” This is basically a laundry list of how horrible a person Bakugo has been for the entire series, with an acknowledgement that this apology is coming really, really late. This is the moment where I could START to like Bakugo, depending on how he acts form here on out, but that pivotal moment arrived after six years of content and in the final arc of the story. It’s too late. Bakugo needed this kind of self-reflection and positive action 250+ chapters ago so he could (hopefully) grow into a better person across the story, not at the story's end. What we got instead is 322 chapters of him being a really horrible person, but the story going out of its way to excuse or even praise that behavior the majority of the time.

As a quick comparison to end on, I think what Bakugo needed was what Soo Jin got in True Beauty. You don’t need to have seen the drama to follow along. The tl;dr is that she has a lot of the core qualities of Bakugo: an all-consuming drive to win that was created due to abusive parents with high expectations, resulting in her bullying a peer to a pretty horrific extent. The difference between them is how the story frames their actions. When Soo Jin becomes the bully she loses everything. Rather than succeeding academically, her grades plummet, making it clear that this anxiety and self-doubt (things the fandom keeps insisting Bakugo is struggling with, but that rarely ever show up in the text) is actually impacting her day-to-day life. Her best friend drops her because she’s not going to support her choices. The boy she likes rejects her. She’s eventually forced to start over somewhere new - which importantly separates her from the girl she was bullying - and get some distance from her parents, resulting in the growth needed to become a healthier, happier, good person again. So when Soo Jin apologizes to the girl she hurt, it feels earned. The story continually recognized how horrific her actions were and put her into a place where she either had to change, or continue losing at everything else that was important to her. Bakugo? Bakugo doesn’t lose. Oh, he claims he does because he’s comparing himself to Izuku constantly, but that’s just him thinking in extremes. He still wins academically. Still wins many battles. Still wins at having friends. Still wins by maintaining the prestige of being a U.A. student. Still wins by getting All Might’s attention. Still wins by receiving Izuku’s respect and an agreement to maintain this rivalry that Bakugo is so obsessed with. Bakugo comes out well 99% of the time, he just thinks he's "lost" because he can't stand not being the absolute best.

For me, the story needed to have Bakugo face consequences for his behavior, not receive rewards and/or have others ignore it, and that revelation/apology needed to come way, way sooner. For me the issue is not a specific action that Horikoshi can have Bakugo do in the next chapter and them bam, I like him now. The problem is Bakugo’s entire concept, how he’s received by the entire cast, and his run across this entire series. "Entire" is the key word there. Which is why the “But he’s apologized. What more do you antis want?” reactions don’t sit well. What we wanted is a better written redemption arc across those 300+ chapters, not a single scene that’s meant to have us forget all the other problems inherent in the story. At this point it’s a far more complicated situation than, “Bakugo just needs to do X, Y, and Z and then we’re golden.” At the end of the day, Horikoshi failed to make me like him as a person and I’m pretty sure he isn’t going to change Bakugo enough to make him likable to me. Bakugo was never the sort of character I’d be inclined towards without a serious, nuanced redemption arc, but sadly, a core, crucial part of that redemption arc took six years to arrive. At this point there’s no way to change the problems in Bakugo’s writing for that huge chunk of the series and not enough time left in the series, it seems, to do the work we should have seen across the entire run. Honestly, idk if the Bakugo we'll get going forward is someone I can just dislike as opposed to being really uncomfortable with, but my money is on there being too little story left and too much investment in upholding Bakugo's base personality for that to happen. I could absolutely be proven wrong! But I think the problems are structural and needed to be better dealt with from page one, not hastily patched over in the final hour.

[astro-rain]

delicate; b. barnes

chapter nine- “to have or not to have indoor plumbing”

delicate masterlist

word count: 2.3k

synopsis: no fallout shelter is perfect. sometimes you need to think outside the box... or outside the bunker, that is.

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

[A/N]: what did you think of this chapter? what do you want to see next? PLS let me know! :))

Light did not shine through the windows and cast a bronze glow on the floor like it did in the castle quarters. He didn't hear the soft buzz of the cicadas like he usually did in the morning. He didn't wake to an empty room with familiar beautiful Wakandan tapestries.

This was because Bucky Barnes awoke in an underground shelter with no windows, stone reinforced walls, and a sleeping psychologist in the bed next to him. Somehow... this wasn't that bad.

He woke up before her, as to be expected. His body was pretty much programmed to be up in the early morning. That, and any time he slept for too long his mind conjured up remnants of horrors from the past.

The super soldier stood up from the bed and stretched his back and arm. It was quiet. A relaxed, enjoyable quiet. Y/N was still sleeping. He wondered what time it was. He didn't have a watch, and he didn't see any clocks in the bunker. He assumed she probably had her phone, but he wouldn't wake her just to ask the time.

He glanced around the room, and his eyes landed on the panther key. Perhaps he could go outside for a bit, gauge the time, scope out the area, get some sun. He never was overly enthusiastic about the sun, but since being in Wakanda, he had grown to love the warmth.

Warmth was a welcome change from the brutalizing cold Hydra put in his bones. Cold was past agony and torment, but warmth. Warmth was the rich, golden promise of remedy that gleamed on his skin.

Just thinking about it made him yearn for the outside sun and the way it enveloped his skin in amber rays. It felt safe here.

Usually, he couldn't stop his mind from worrying and expecting all the good in his life to somehow crash down around him. However, he couldn’t help but feel safe in Wakanda, no matter what he did. He felt safe in Wakanda and with Y/N, even though they were in a bunker hiding from a country's takeover-

"Bucky?" A raspy voice called out.

He turned around, not realizing he had walked over to the table, where the panther key was sitting. It looked just as regal and ferocious as it did before.

"G'Morning," he smiled.

She sat up on her elbows, avoiding hitting her head on the top bunk.

"How'd you sleep?" she asked. "Nightmares still?"

"Last night wasn't bad," he shrugged. "Still... there, but I got some decent hours in."

"That's good," Y/N yawned. "I'd like to work more on the nightmares soon. See if we can find any improvement. But don't worry, no 'Interpretation of Dreams' shit because I refuse to dignify most Freudian theories."

He let out a breathy chuckle. Sometimes Y/N would go into what he, in his head, called her silly psychologist speech. She would momentarily forget that Bucky wasn't an academic, and use big words to talk about things he'd never even heard of. Sometimes she would slip into psychologist mode when she wasn't "on duty."

"Are we movin' the sessions out here now?" he joked.

"Damn," she snickered. "My bad. No more psych talk in here, I promise."

"It's alright, I don't mind," he shrugged. "S'just you bein' you."

"I guess. I don't know to be anyone else, so."

“I would expect nothing less of you.”

Y/N then moved the blanket off of her legs to stand up out of the bed, just before stopping short, staring at the bed she was sitting on. He could almost see the gears turning in her head.

"Did I make the bed last night in a frenzy of exhaustion and not remember it?"

He laughed. "No."

She furrowed her brows and cocked her head to the side, confused and waiting for an explanation.

"I made it - well, as best as I could... all things considered."

Her face changed, melting into an endearing look of gratitude.

"Thank you Buck," she smiled. "Way better than sleeping on the floor."

She didn't say anything else regarding it, and he was glad. What she didn't know was that he put her in the bed after he made it. She was so exhausted, he didn't want to wake her. The task proved itself exceptionally challenging with one arm. However, super soldier strength and determination was a worthy advantage.

"Do you know what time it is?" he asked.

"Umm," she dragged out, finally standing up from the bed. "Not sure, I'll have to find my phone and- oh shit"

"What?"

"I don't have a charger."

"Oh. I'll uh look around and see if there's one stored down here."

Y/N stood still and looked around the room. Her eyes landed on the space heater and her expression dropped.

"Bucky..."

"What's wrong?"

"Do you remember what I said yesterday about the heater?"

"Not... really. Jog my memory?"

She quoted herself. "I doubt they could get electric or plumbing out here."

"Oh yeah," he still wasn't following.

"There's no shower down here... or toilet..."

He looked around and it hit him. "Oh."

"That's..." she trailed off, "a bit inconvenient."

He saw her begin to fidget with her hands.

"What are we supposed to do?" she asked. "We can't like... pee in buckets or something."

Bucky scratched the stubble on his face, about to suggest something he knew she wouldn't like.

"Well, before you woke up, I was thinkin' about going outside to get an idea of the time and maybe get some sun. We can go out and see if we can find a fresh water source or something. It's not perfect, but it's better than buckets."

"Outside? Is that not dangerous?"

"Danger is a possibility, but we're pretty far out from the castle grounds. I doubt anyone comes out this far or even knows about the shelter."

She took a deep breathe in. "I don't know..."

He could hear the uncertainty and weariness in her voice.

"If you're not comfortable, I can just go look and come back, tell you if it's safe, if there's water nearby," he offered.

"No. I'm going with you."

"I thought-"

"You’re not going alone. I'll grab my shoes and we can go."

Well then.

"As you wish, oh wise one."

"Smartass."

He grabbed the panther key and tossed it to her with a smile.

-

"So... how does one locate a water source?" Y/N asked, her footsteps beside Bucky's.

The Wakandan sun beat down on them. They'd only been walking for a few minutes, and they were already sweating.

"Keep an eye out for mud. If the ground is wet, chances are there's water nearby."

She nodded.

"Hey," she smirked, "Have you ever heard of Bear Grylls?"

He could hear the smile in her voice.

"No, but I have a feeling whatever that is is being used to poke fun at me?"

She huffed in a fake gasp, feigning over-exaggerated shock. "I'd never do such a thing!"

"Hey! I'm doing this so we don't have to pee in buckets. A teeny tiny bit of gratitude would go a long way."

"Apologies. Please accept my most heartfelt thanks, my dear old friend."

"Who you callin' old?"

"I don't know, does a hundred seem old to you?"

"You know, it’s disrespectful to mock the elderly,” he fake scolded.

"Yeah, well don't disrespect your mental healthcare provider."

"I didn't! You started-"

"Water!" she shouted, cutting him off. “Look!”

In front of Y/N's pointed finger was the end of a tiny stream. The source was somewhere ahead of them. And so they followed, continuing their trek beneath the sun's sweltering rays. It really was oppressively hot.

-

"Holy..." Bucky muttered.

"Shit," Y/N finished.

He gave her a look and he she shrugged, fighting off a laugh.

They stood facing a beautiful scene: a modest waterfall flowed over mossy stone and poured out into a little pool of crystal clear water. It was quaint and secluded, surrounded by rocks and trees. This was wonderfully fortuitous for the two of them as they were still technically in hiding. The pool of water was relatively shallow; he could see the bottom, but it was still deep enough to submerge his whole body and them some. The pressure from the waterfall looked mild enough to go under; perhaps it could act as a makeshift shower.

"This definitely works. Much better than buckets," Y/N commented.

Then she began to untie her boots, take off her socks, and sit with her feet in the water.

"Holy hell it's hot," she groaned, wiping a hand across her forehead. He noticed that she had been squinting for the last couple of minutes. "Buck, do you know if the water is clean to drink or swim in?"

"Why don't you taste test it? Then we'll know for sure."

She turned her head to him, an emotionless expression on her face.

"I don't give a damn about the super serum, I can and will drown you, Barnes."

A laugh came from deep in his chest. "I'm just playin'. The water looks fine, you should be good."

She cupped her hands to scoop up some of the water and threw it at him.

"Hey!"

"Aw, you look so refreshed now," she cooed sarcastically.

"That was uncalled for."

"Perhaps. Hey, how long until we have to go back?"

"We're not really on a set schedule. Whenever you're ready, I guess. It's not like we have things to do."

"Do I have time to like dunk real quick? It's deathly hot and I don't wanna walk back in this heat."

Dunk in the water? There are no swim suits here...

"Oh-uh... uh y-yeah, do you want me to like... wait over there-or-“

"I’m goin’ in with my clothes on,” she deadpanned. Straight and to the point, like she didn’t want any type of confusion about the situation.

“Oh,” he breathed. “You’d rather walk back in soaked clothes?”

“Yes.”

"I mean sure, knock yourself out. But be careful, some parts look pretty deep."

"I'm know how to swim, Buck,” she smiled. “Don’t fret.”

He hummed an "okay," before looking around the entire waterfall area. Instinctively, he started walking the perimeter, making sure they would be safe. He didn't know how he hadn't done it sooner. He must've been distracted.

The soldier made his way through trees and over rocks until he returned to the spot facing the center of the waterfall pool. He watched as Y/N's head slowly ascended from the water. She opened her eyes, and as her gaze found him, confusion washed over her face.

"Bucky, aren't you hot?"

"I mean, it’s warm, but I think I'm more useful out keepin' watch."

"Are you sure?" she laughed, tossing more water at him.

"Hey!" he exclaimed, clumsily trying to jump and dodge out of the way of the water flinging at him.

Y/N shamelessly continued. "The water's just fine! It's so refreshing and cooooool!"

Bucky's attempts at dodging the water were very much in vain. Soon enough his grey shirt had splatters of Wakandan waterfall water all over it.

He only laughed some more. "Come on! You're comprising our security!"

She stopped.

"Wait- I'm sorry. Am I actually?"

His breathing slowed, but his smile remained. "No, it's okay. I just think it's safer for at least one of us to stay out and be aware. I can go in next time."

"Okay," she frowned.

At the edge of the water, closest to grass, the ground descended into layers, creating a sort of makeshift staircase that sloped into the pool. Y/N floated over to the stairs, and leaned her elbows on the second highest step so that the water settled just below her shoulders. He watched as her legs floated straight up behind her, and each edge of her clothing moved up and down languidly in the water as if they were breathing with its movement.

In response, Bucky sat down at the waters edge, removing his own shoes and socks, rolling up his pant legs and resting his feet in the pool.

"There, now we're meetin' in the middle."

Y/N spared a gentle smile.

"Buck," she asked softly, "can I ask you a question?"

His brows furrowed at the sudden change in tone. "Mm hm."

He was expecting some kind of serious question, but instead, he watched yet another mischievous smirk grow across her face.

"Don't you have to pee?"

He rolled his eyes, and splashed her with as much water as he could cup in his hand. Y/N let out a burst of loud, boisterous laughter, wiping the water from her eyes.

"Why, do you?! Do I have to worry about feeling some warm water!!"

"No! I already went..."

"Oh, ew!" he howled with laughter.

"Not like that! I did it behind a tree while you were makin' your rounds."

"Well thank you for not christening our only clean water source."

"You are quite welcome, James Buchanan Barnes."

His brain slowed at the sound of his full name. He almost didn't feel the barely-there smile that turned the sides of his mouth up ever so slightly. Time became lazy, and his line of sight came to a leisurely stop directly at Y/N's face.

He got a good look at the reflective water droplets all over her skin, and the way some were falling off while others stayed perfectly still. He got a good look at how her waterlogged eye lashes stuck together in bigger clumps, making darker shades of black that contrasted her eye color, and how her wet hair was slicked back and flowed down her neck. He got a good look at the teeny tiny drops of waterfall that settled in her eyebrows, and how he had only been this close to her very few times before.

He couldn't tell why, but he wanted to take a mental snapshot of this moment. The charming imperfection of her was so genuine, so endearing, so alluring. He found himself having a hard time finding the motivation to look away. He must be tired or something.

He hadn’t noticed how still she was as well. But then, gradually, her smile went away, and her face was replaced with a neutral but poised expression. She slowly floated back from him, putting space between them.

"Can we go back now?" she asked. "I think the sun is giving me a headache."

"Y-Yeah, 'fcourse," he said, unprepared to do anything but fulfill her request.

[settersprouts]

꒦ ikanaide : chapter three ! ꒦

病欠

. . : iwaizumi gets sick and doesn't tell oikawa. oikawa notices he's not at school and skips practice for the first time to take care of him.

or, iwaizumi doesn't like to take medicine and oikawa can cook.

sniffles. coughs. that's all that could be heard through the iwaizumi household at five am, the time hajime iwaizumi was supposed to be getting ready for school. hanako iwaizumi sighed, not ready to deal with a sick hajime. reluctantly making his way out of the bed he shared with aiya, he got a bucket, a couple of rags, and starting the trek to his son's room.

``hey-`` hanako started, but was interrupted by a coughing fit. ``hajime. how you feeling?``

his son smiled up at him grimly, wiping at the snot in his nose. ``like shit.``

``language.``

``sorry.``

hanako let out another sigh, wringing one of the rags out and placing the damp cloth on his forehead. ``symptoms?``

``cough, sneezing, my nose is runny- and my throat hurts,`` iwaizumi managed, his voice dry and scratchy.

``that bad, huh?`` hanako set the bucket down on the floor, pulling out his phone and thumbing at his screen. ``i'll text your coach and teachers to let them know you can't make it.``

iwaizumi nodded, letting out a small groan. his eyes suddenly flung wide open, and he sat up abruptly, scaring hanako a little. ``don't tell oikawa! he's going to try and skip school to take care of me, i'm sure.``

hanako chuckled, giving his son a little thumbs up and pushing him back down. ``i got it. i'll just let him figure it out himself.``

his son sighed in relief, letting his entire body relax. ``thanks, old man.``

``i'm not old. want some oatmeal?``

``that'd be great. thank you.``

a smile pulled at hanako's lips. ``alright, coming right up, kiddo.`` he made his way out of iwaizumi's room, leaving the door open so air could filter through.

``don't make it sweet! i hate it sweet!``

``i know that!``

hanako made his way into the kitchen, almost running into his wife. ``whoa- oh, good morning, love.``

``morning, hanako.`` aiya yawned, her face contorting into an expression of confusion. ``where's hajime? he should be getting his breakfast ready by now.``

``the kid's sick,`` hanako replied, kissing his wife on the cheek. ``i'm getting him some oatmeal for breakfast.``

aiya nodded, opening a drawer and pulling out a thermometer. she handed it to her husband. ``make sure to take his temperature, too. i want to know if i need to have a doctor over.``

hanako deadpanned, letting out a gruff laugh. ``babe, that's a meat thermometer.``

``oh, is it?`` she smiled apologetically, putting it back and switching it with the other thermometer. ``here, take this, then.``

he reached out to grab at the cool metal, letting it sit in his breast pocket as he got iwaizumi's oatmeal ready. ``can you go get him some cough medicine, or something for his throat? hajime says it's sore.``

his wife nodded, and padded over to the fridge, reaching above it to open the medicine cabinet. she sorted through bottles and bottles of over-the-counter medicine, before finally reaching the cough and sore-throat remedies. pouring a little bit into a plastic cup, aiya put the bottle back and closed the cabinet, placing the cup onto the tray with her son's water glass and oatmeal on it. ``there. have you called hajime's school, yet?``

hanako nodded. ``mhm. already done. hajime doesn't want oikawa-kun to know he's sick yet, so don't tell his mother. knowing her, she'll spill the beans somehow.``

aiya let out a soft laugh, covering her mouth as she did so. ``i understand. he'll probably want to skip school and tend to hajime all day.``

``that boy is something else.``

⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝

oikawa tapped his foot impatiently, standing at the intersection where he and iwaizumi usually meet up. they were supposed to get there early so oikawa could grab something from the convenience store- it was his nephew's birthday, after all, and he wanted to buy some red velvet cake mix.

he let out a sigh, pulling out his phone to check the messages he had with the ace.

› Messages with : Iwaizumi, Hajime

[Sent:To Oikawa, Toorū] go to sleep already, you idiot

[Sent:To Oikawa, Toorū] i know you're up watching volleyball matches

[Sent:To Oikawa, Toorū] it's late, get some rest or i'll hit you

¹¹⁻³⁹ ᴾᴹ

[Sent:From Oikawa, Toorū] yeah, yeah, got it iwa-chan ಠ_ಠ

[Sent:From Oikawa, Toorū] you don't have to be so rude, you know

[Sent:From Oikawa, Toorū] and why r u so obsessed w hitting me ?

¹¹⁻⁴⁰ ᴾᴹ

[Sent:To Oikawa, Toorū] goodnight

¹¹⁻⁴⁰ ᴾᴹ

[Sent:From Oikawa, Toorū] goodnight, iwa-chan :D

¹¹⁻⁴¹ ᴾᴹ

[Sent:From Oikawa, Toorū] morning, iwa (*ﾟｰﾟ)ゞ

⁰⁵⁻³⁰ ᴬᴹ

[Sent:From Oikawa, Toorū] where r u 人´∀｀) i'm @ the intersection

⁰⁶⁻⁰⁴ ᴬᴹ

[Sent:From Oikawa, Toorū] iwa we're gonna be late i need to go to the store φ(。。*)

⁰⁶⁻⁰⁵ ᴬᴹ

[Sent:From Oikawa, Toorū] iwa-chan i'm leaving you >:p

⁰⁶⁻⁰⁷ ᴬᴹ

[Sent:From Oikawa, Toorū] im gonna kill you when i see you

⁰⁶⁻¹³ ᴬᴹ

despite what the messages ensued, he still hadn't left without iwaizumi. he let out another sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. he really had to leave, but he didn't want the ace to be mad once he figured out oikawa had went on without him. oikawa inhaled through his nose, and out through his mouth. pushing aside the fear of a very angry iwaizumi showing up to first period with homicide on his mind.

the sun was rising and starting to shine brightly, slightly blinding oikawa as he glanced at the star. if iwaizumi were here, he would've already been geeking out about it to him, trying to annoy the vice. he wasn't really that obsessed with space and extraterrestrial life, oikawa just liked to annoy his best friends.

``hey, oikawa!`` the setter turned at his name being called, and was instantly greeted with someone running straight into him. arms wrapped around his torso in what he thought was a hug, but couldn't be sure, since all the wind was knocked out of him in the process. familiar tufts of pink-brown hair tickled his nose, and his lips pulled into a small, genuine smile. he wrapped his arms around the attacker's torso, too, breathing in the scent he considered a second home.

``hey, makki. morning.`` oikawa smiled, pulling away to see his friend's beaming face.

hanamaki linked arms with oikawa, pulling him along. ``c'mon, we're going to be late for class!``

oikawa looked down at his phone, checking the time. 06:19 AM, it read. ``makki, it's only six twenty. we have plenty of time.``

``but..`` makki groaned, making a big show of rolling his head back and exposing his neck to the sky. whether or not that was an impression of oikawa on one of his days, oikawa may never know. ``we can be early for once.``

``class doesn't start until seven thirty.`` oikawa sang, pulling away from makki's grip and dragging him along. ``plus, i gotta get something from the store for takeru's birthday.``

his companion made an 'o' shape with his mouth, succumbing to oikawa's charms and letting himself be lead to the nearest store. ``nice. what are you getting?``

``cake mix. red velvet.``

``red velvet? holy shit, can i come to the party?`` hanamaki gasped, giving his friend his full attention now. oikawa laughed, and nodded.

``yeah. i was planning on inviting you and mattsun anyways.`` he replied, scratching the back of his neck. ``iwa-chan gets a free pass, since my mom knows him.``

makki gasped in mock offense, holding his free hand to his heart. ``she knows me too! how come i don't get a free pass? does she not like me?``

oikawa shrugged. ``well, you're kind of.. how can i say this. um-`` he laughed nervously, ``-too energetic, for her taste?``

``this is atrocious. i even did her dishes for her, once.``

``key word, once.`` oikawa retorted, eyeing the store up ahead. ``oh hey, look, there's sakanoshita. think we'll find cake mix there?``

hanamaki shrugged.  ``probably. doesn't karasuno's coach work there?``

oikawa nodded. ``hopefully tobio-chan didn't stop by on his way to school. i think i might throw up if i see him.``

``how immature.``

the two of them made their way into the small store, muttering a little "pardon the intrusion!" to the staff, who turned out to be a short, older woman, not karasuno's coach. they both let out a sigh of relief- anything could've happened if it was ukai who was sitting in the little swivel chair behind the counter. possibly just them having to endure the shameless torments from the latter, but who knows.

oikawa and hanamaki glanced at the small signs labeling the aisles, quickly finding the one they were looking for and walked down to the middle, where all the cake mixes lay. the captain sifted through the red velvet mixes while the other eyed the brownie batter with starry eyes. oikawa skimmed the backs of four boxes he settled on, tossing them all into the little basket he had picked up as soon as they walked in. turning to his partner, he couldn't help but let the wide smile overcome his facial features. hanamaki was practically drooling at the pictures of the brownies on the boxes.

he padded over to the wing-spiker and picked up a box, tossing it into the basket as well and waltzed out of the aisle- hanamaki at his heels. ``whoa, are you seriously buying that for me?``

oikawa shook his head. ``for me. to make for you when you come over later.`` he stuck out his tongue at his partner, smiling at the laugh he was able to get out of him.

``sure, whatever you say.``

the captain turned to the lady at the desk, reading the nametag on her shirt. hana sakanoshita. ah. so she was the owner. sakanoshita smiled at him, taking the bag out of his hands and scanning the barcodes on the backs of the boxes. ``find everything okay, honey?``

``yep, great, thank you! could we also get two packs of that strawberry gum?`` he pointed, putting on one of his award-winning smiles. she seemed to melt at this and nodded, quickly bagging up his stuff and handing his credit card back.

``you have a good day, boys.`` she said, waving at them as they exited. the two smiled and waved back, turning towards aoba johsai and resuming their trek.

hanamaki checked his phone, letting out a sharp whistle. ``nice. we didn't take as long as i expected- we have fifteen minutes 'till first period.``

oikawa grinned. ``told you so.``

``yeah, yeah. oh- by the way, where's iwaizumi?`` hanamaki looked around as if he were looking for the teen, turning back to oikawa once he figured out he really wasn't there with them. ``he walks with you, right?``

the latter shrugged, pulling out his own gum pack and popping a strip into his mouth. ``dunno. he didn't show at the intersection where we meet up, so i just went along without him. he didn't answer any of my texts, either.``

``huh.`` hanamaki said, putting his index finger and thumb on his chin in a thinking pose. ``that's weird. maybe he overslept?``

``doubt it. the man sleeps with his phone on so loud, he'll wake up immediately as soon as he hears one of my texts. plus, he has like, fifty alarms back-to-back to wake him up.`` oikawa replied, shutting down makki's theory so fast, he didn't even see it coming.

makki sighed. ``ah. i see.`` he shook his head as to clear his mind of any stray thoughts, and extended his hand. ``i want some gum. hand it over, peasant.``

``yes, my lord.`` oikawa said jokingly, gracefully whipping out the pack of strawberry gum and placing it in his hands. he folded makki's fingers around it, never breaking eye contact with his teammate. ``here it is. do what you wish with it.``

the two snickered at their antics, slinging their arms around one another. ``we're so going to be late.``

``yeah, probably.``

⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝

``oh, yeah, we're so sorry ms. sato. we got stuck in traffic- there was an accident over by my house.`` makki sighed dramatically, shaking his head slightly. ``we would've gotten a late pass, but we didn't think we were going to be so late.``

ms. sato shook her head quickly, smiling at the teen. ``it's okay, hanamaki-kun. just try not to let this happen too much, okay?``

hanamaki nodded. ``yes, ma'am.`` oikawa mentally facepalmed at his antics, and the two walked to the back to sit down in their seats, next to matsukawa, who was struggling to keep a laugh in.

``jesus,`` matsukawa breathed, ``the amount of bullshit in that was immaculate.``

``right?`` he and hanamaki fistbumped, grinning widely like the idiots they were.

oikawa sighed, turning his head slightly to talk to iwaizumi, then stopping himself before he could say anything. iwaizumi's desk stood empty next to his own. the captain frowned, checking his phone for any recent texts from the ace. nothing popped up.

makki slung an arm over oikawa, concern lining his features. ``hey, what's up?``

``he still isn't here.`` he pointed to iwaizumi's desk, the frown growing by the minute. ``and he's not answering. makki, i'm worried.``

a head full of black, unruly hair obscured the view he had of his phone. matsukawa laughed, stepping back. ``so he didn't tell you guys?`` when hanamaki and oikawa looked at him with confused expressions, he chuckled, and continued. ``guys, he's sick. coach was talking about it with ms. sato this morning. if you got here earlier you would've known.``

the captain facepalmed. ``of course, that makes sense. why couldn't he have told me though?``

``dunno.`` mattsun ignored the small pout resting on his captain's lips, shoving at his shoulder a bit. ``lighten up. he probably didn't want you to skip school and take care of him.``

oikawa let out a puff of air. ``yeah, okay. you're probably right.`` he was about to continue but ms. sato had started class, and a comfortable silence fell upon them as they gave the woman their full attention. makki and mattsun glanced at oikawa, worry clearly etched on their faces. perhaps they shouldn't have told him what happened with his best friend.

``oikawa,`` ms. sato supplied, stalking over to his desk and setting two thick packets on the hard wood. ``here's iwaizumi-kun's work. i trust you'll be able to get this to him?``

the latter sighed, looking up towards his sensei with the fakest smile he could muster. ``yes, sato-san, i'll give this to him as soon as i see him.``

ms. sato smiled, patting the boy's head and walking back to the front of the class. ``alright, so, has anyone written down the notes on the board?``

oikawa glanced at the chalkboard, internally groaning as he noticed it was completely filled with notes. where the hell did she find the time to write all that?

he let out the fifth-hundredth sigh that day, picking up his pencil and getting to work. iwaizumi totally owed him.

⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝

``you want to, what?`` coach irihata stared at his pupil, shock painting his features. oikawa stood before him, fumbling with his practice clothes, a faint blush plastered over his cheeks and nose. ``you want to skip practice?``

``yes.`` oikawa nodded. ``it's only for today, so i can go home and take care of iwa-chan. he has a lot of work to catch up on,`` he added, holding up the many papers he had collected from his professors in each class, since his and iwaizumi's timestables were identical.

irihata stared at him some more, then shook his head quickly, smiling at him. ``alright. i don't see why not.``

oikawa brightened, clearly glad by the news. ``thank you so much! i promise i'll make it up to you!`` he chimed, switching his volleyball shoes for a pair of regular sneakers. ``all your meals this week, on me!``

``you don't have to- and he's out the door.`` irihata sighed, glancing at the now agape gym door. the warm afternoon breeze rushed in, leaving an unpleasant, humid feeling. mizoguchi came up behind him, watching oikawa sprint off into the distance. ``that boy is something else, isn't he?``

``definitely.`` mizoguchi laughed, walking forward to close the doors. ``iwaizumi's lucky to have a good friend like him.``

the older coach nodded. ``we're all glad to know him.``

dammit, someone's talking about me, oikawa thought, as he sneezed for the seventh time since leaving aoba johsai. he rubbed his nose, pissed off at the irritation of his sensitive organ. his legs already burned- he had sprinted all the way to the intersection, and was now leaning on a streetlamp, catching his breath. he probably should've put on his knee brace if he knew he was going to exert a little energy on running home, but he was in a rush.

pulling out his phone, he quickly navigated to his email, frowning at the lack of messages from his dear friend hajime iwaizumi. he hadn't read the texts either, so he probably was really exhausted. slipping the device back into his pocket, he started the rest of his trek home, popping another strip of gum into his mouth.

the grocery bag swinging on his arm contained all the contents oikawa thought iwaizumi would need : some cough and cold medicine, a couple of boxes of tissues, a mask for himself, disposable rags, and a heating pad. the materials cost him about ¥800 each, which wasn't that expensive.

finally, after what had seemed like forever, the captain had arrived at iwaizumi's house. there were no cars in the driveway, which meant his parents weren't home. what were they thinking, leaving poor iwa-chan alone while he's sick? oikawa frowned at this. what a silly idea.

he flipped up the doormat, grabbing the key that was strategically placed underneath and unlocked the door. pushing it open, he let out a little ``yahoo~ anyone home?`` to let iwaizumi know he was there. he wasn't expecting a reaction, so seeing iwaizumi come downstairs to greet him kind of scared him out of his wits a little bit.

``jesus! iwa-chan, can't you warn a dude first?`` oikawa panted, placing a hand over his heart. the ace deadpanned, walking over and snatching the bags out of his hands.

``what the hell do you think you're doing here? i'm sick, go home.`` he retorted, his eyebrows furrowing so much, they looked like they were attached to his eyes. he sifted through the bag, pausing once he realized what the plastic bag contained. ``what is this?``

oikawa rolled his eyes, taking the bag back and setting its' contents on the kitchen counter. ``it's for you. you're sick, so i decided to skip practice to come here and take care of you, and to reteach everything that you missed today.`` he replied nonchalantly, shoving iwaizumi towards the direction of his bedroom. ``go back to bed, i'll cook you some lunch, since i'm sure you didn't eat yet.``

iwaizumi didn't reply, because (a) he was right. and (b) he was shocked that the toorū oikawa skipped volleyball practice for him.

``anyways,`` oikawa said, opening his fridge and scanning its' contents. ``how do you feel about egg?``

``i can eat it. i don't feel nauseous or anything,`` iwa replied, sitting on one of the stools at the kitchen counter. ``and wait- you're going to cook?``

the setter turned around, tying an apron around his waist. ``yeah?``

iwaizumi blinked, shaking his head and leaning down on his forearms. ``nothing. continue. don't burn down my kitchen.``

oikawa grinned, having just been granted permission to make his best friend's food. ``alright! on it, iwa-chan!``

``shut up and start cooking.``

⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝

``you have to take it, iwa-chan!``

``NO! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!`` iwaizumi jumped onto his couch, holding a fork towards oikawa like a weapon. ``GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME.``

oikawa let out yet another sigh. ``jeez, if i knew you were going to be this bratty about taking your medicine, i wouldn't have came.`` he took another dangerous step towards iwaizumi, holding out a glass of water and a small cup of liquid cough medicine. ``iwa-chan, if you don't take this, you'll never get better.``

``so? that thing's disgusting.`` iwaizumi fake-retched, the look of disgust on his face almost believable. he should've taken the drama course at school.

another step. ``you seem to have forgotten that i have a kid nephew, who i always got to take his medicine, no matter how big of a tantrum he threw about it.`` another step. ``you're acting like a toddler. just take your medicine and get better.``

``assikawa, if you so as much take one more goddamn step towards me, i'll kill you.`` iwaizumi growled, clenching the fork tighter. of course he wouldn't kill him, he'd just said that to frighten him. somehow, oikawa didn't seemed phased, and took another step.

``hajime iwaizumi. if you don't come down off that couch and take your medicine right now, so help me god, i will bring my mother here and she will be furious when she realizes how much of a tantrum you're putting up right now.`` the setter mused, shaking the glass of water like he was calling him towards him, like a dog. iwaizumi gulped. the aura surrounding oikawa was downright terrifying. his eyes seemed almost lifeless, and it scared the wits out of him. ``on the count of three. if you haven't taken the medicine by then, i'm calling her. one.``

iwaizumi flinched, backing up slightly. could he make it out the front door without oikawa catching him? probably not. his legs were longer, so he'd cover more ground easily.

``two.``

how bad would the punishment be if he just didn't take the medicine? it's not like oikawa would actually call his mother, he wouldn't do that. right?

``three-``

``okay!`` iwaizumi jumped off the couch, grabbing the medicine and pouring it down his throat. he made a face of disgust, snatching the glass of water out of his hand and gulping that down too. he shuddered, trying to force himself to keep the atrocious liquid down. ``there. happy?``

``very.`` oikawa grinned, patting iwaizumi's head. ``good job.``

the ace burned with pride at the praise, letting oikawa's nimble fingers tread through his hair. ``thanks for coming over.``

``of course.`` his friend replied, giving the shorter a warm hug. ``don't mention it. i'll skip practice for you every time.``

``you better not.``

oikawa smiled. ``no promises.``

─── sick day.

chapter 4 !

[im-just-trying-to-get-bi]

Charming: Once upon a time in a kingdom far, far away, the king and queen were blessed with a beautiful baby girl. And throughout the land, everyone was happy... until the sun went down and they saw that their daughter was cursed with a frightful enchantment that took hold each and every night. Desperate, they sought the help of a fairy godmother who had them lock the young princess away in a tower, there to await the kiss... of the handsome Prince Charming. It was he who would chance the perilous journey through blistering cold and scorching desert traveling for many days and nights, risking life and limb to reach the Dragon's keep. For he was the bravest, and most handsome... in all the land. And it was destiny that his kiss would break the dreaded curse. He alone would climb to the highest room of the tallest tower to enter the princess's chambers, cross the room to her sleeping silhouette, pull back the gossamer curtains to find her-- [gasps] Big Bad Wolf: What? Charming: Princess... Fiona? Big Bad Wolf: No! Charming: Oh, thank heavens. Where is she? Big Bad Wolf: She's on her honeymoon. Charming: Honeymoon? With whom? So she said what's the problem, baby? What's the problem? I don't know Well, maybe I'm in love Think about it every time I think 'bout it Can't stop thinking 'bout it How much longer will it take to cure this? Just to cure it, 'cause I can't ignore it If it's love, love Makes me wanna turn around and face me But I don't know nothing 'bout love Oh, come on, come on - Turn a little faster Come on, come on The world will follow after Come on, come on Everybody's after love So I said I'm a snowball running Running down into this spring that's coming all this love Melting under blue skies belting out sunlight Shimmering love Well, baby, I surrender To the strawberry ice cream Never ever end of all this love Well, I didn't mean to do it But there's no escaping your love These lines of lightning mean we're never alone Never alone, no, no Come on, come on Jump a little higher Come on, come on If you feel a little lighter Come on, come on We were once upon a time in love Hyah! We're accidentally in love Accidentally in love Accidentally in love Accidentally in love Accidentally in love Accidentally in love Accidentally in love Accidentally I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love I'm in love, I'm in love Accidentally in love I'm in love I'm in love It's so good to be home. Just you and me and... - Two can be as bad as one... - Donkey? Shrek! Fiona! Aren't you two a sight for sore eyes! Give us a hug, Shrek, you old love machine. And look at you, Mrs. Shrek. How 'bout a side of sugar for the steed? Donkey, what are you doing here? Taking care of your love nest for you. Oh, you mean like... sorting the mail and watering the plants? - Yeah, and feeding the fish! - I don't have any fish. You do now. I call that one Shrek and the other Fiona. That Shrek is a rascally devil. Get your... Look at the time. I guess you'd better be going. Don't you want to tell me about your trip? Or how about a game of Parcheesi? Actually, Donkey? Shouldn't you be getting home to Dragon? Oh, yeah, that. I don't know. She's been all moody and stuff lately. I thought I'd move in with you. You know we're always happy to see you, Donkey. But Fiona and I are married now. We need a little time, you know, to be together. Just with each other. Alone. Say no more. You don't have to worry about a thing. I will always be here to make sure nobody bothers you. - Donkey. - Yes, roomie? You're bothering me. Oh, OK. All right, cool. I guess... Me and Pinocchio was going to catch a tournament, anyway, so... Maybe I'll see y'all Sunday for a barbecue or something. He'll be fine. Now, where were we? Oh. I think I remember. - Donkey! I know, I know! Alone! I'm going! I'm going. What do you want me to tell these other guys? Enough, Reggie. "Dearest Princess Fiona. You are hereby summoned to the Kingdom of Far, Far Away for a royal ball in celebration of your marriage at which time the King will bestow his royal blessing... upon you and

your...uh... Prince Charming. Love, the King and Queen of Far, Far Away. aka Mom and Dad." Mom and Dad? - Prince Charming? - Royal ball?! Can I come? - We're not going. - What?! I mean, don't you think they might be a bit... shocked to see you like this? Well, they might be a bit surprised. But they're my parents, Shrek. They love me. And don't worry. They'll love you, too. Yeah, right. Somehow I don't think I'll be welcome at the country club. Stop it. They're not like that. How do you explain Sergeant Pompous and the Fancy Pants Club Band? Oh, come on! You could at least give them a chance. To do what? Sharpen their pitchforks? No! They just want to give you their blessing. Oh, great. Now I need their blessing? If you want to be a part of this family, yes! Who says I want to be part of this family? You did! When you married me! Well, there's some fine print for you! So that's it? You won't come? Trust me. It's a bad idea. We are not going! And that's final! Come on! We don't want to hit traffic! Don't worry! We'll take care of everything. - Hey, wait for me. Oof! Hit it! Move 'em on! Head 'em up! Head 'em up, move 'em on! Head 'em up! Rawhide! Move 'em on! Head 'em up! Move 'em on! Move 'em on! Head 'em up! Rawhide! Ride 'em up! Move 'em on! Head 'em up! Move 'em on! Rawhide! Knock 'em out! Pound 'em dead! Make 'em tea! Buy 'em drinks! Meet their mamas! Milk 'em hard! Rawhide! Yee-haw! - Are we there yet? - No. - Are we there yet? - Not yet. - OK, are we there yet? - No. - Are we there yet? - No! - Are we there yet? - No! - Are we there yet? - No! - Are we there yet?! - We are not! - Are we there yet?! - Yes! - Really?! - No!! - Are we there yet? - That's not funny. That's really immature. - This is why nobody likes ogres. - Your loss! - I'm gonna just stop talking. - Finally! This is taking forever, Shrek. There's no in-flight movie or nothing! The Kingdom of Far, Far Away, Donkey. That's where we're going. Far, far... away! All right, all right, I get it. I'm just so darn bored. Well, find a way to entertain yourself. For five minutes... Could you not be yourself... for five minutes?! Are we there yet?! - Yes! - Oh, finally! Wow! It's going to be champagne wishes and caviar dreams from now on. Hey, good-looking! We'll be back to pick you up later! Gotta make a move to a town that's right for me We are definitely not in the swamp anymore. Halt! Well, I talk about it, talk about it, talk about it, talk about it Hey, everyone, look. Talk about, talk about movin'... Hey, ladies! Nice day for a parade, huh? You working that hat. Swimming pools! Movie stars! Announcing the long-awaited return of the beautiful Princess Fiona and her new husband. Well, this is it. - This is it. - This is it. This is it. Uh... why don't you guys go ahead? I'll park the car. So... you still think this was a good idea? Of course! Look. Mom and Dad look happy to see us. - Who on earth are they? - I think that's our little girl. That's not little! That's a really big problem. Wasn't she supposed to kiss Prince Charming and break the spell? Well, he's no Prince Charming, but they do look... Happy now? We came. We saw them. Now let's go before they light the torches. - They're my parents. - Hello? They locked you in a tower. That was for my own... Good! Here's our chance. Let's go back inside and pretend we're not home. Harold, we have to be... Quick! While they're not looking we can make a run for it. Shrek, stop it! Everything's gonna be... A disaster! There is no way... - You can do this. - I really... - Really... - don't... want... to... be... Here! Mom... Dad... I'd like you to meet my husband... Shrek. Well, um... It's easy to see where Fiona gets her good looks from. - Excuse me. Better out than in, I always say, eh, Fiona? That's good. I guess not. What do you mean, not on the list? Don't tell me you don't know who I am. What do you mean, not on the list? Don't tell me you don't know who I am. What's happening, everybody? Thanks for waiting. - I had the hardest time finding this place. - No! No! Bad donkey! Bad! Down! No, Dad! It's all

right. It's all right. He's with us. - He helped rescue me from the dragon. - That's me: the noble steed. Waiter! How 'bout a bowl for the steed? Oh, boy. - Um, Shrek? - Yeah? Oh, sorry! Great soup, Mrs Q. Mmm! No, no. Darling. Oh! So, Fiona, tell us about where you live. Well... Shrek owns his own land. - Don't you, honey? - Oh, yes! It's in an enchanted forest abundant in squirrels and cute little duckies and... What?! I know you ain't talking about the swamp. An ogre from a swamp. Oh! How original. I suppose that would be a fine place to raise the children. It's a bit early to be thinking about that, isn't it? - indeed. I just started eating. - Harold! - What's that supposed to mean? - Dad. It's great. OK? - For his type. Yes. - My type?! I got to go to the bathroom. - Dinner is served! - Never mind. I can hold it. Bon appetite! Oh, Mexican food! My favorite. Let's not sit here with our tummies rumbling. Everybody, dig in. Don't mind if I do, Lillian. I suppose any grandchildren I could expect from you would be... Ogres. Yes! Not that there's anything wrong with that. Right, Harold? Oh, no! No! Of course, not! That is, assuming you don't eat your own young! Dad! No, we usually prefer the ones who've been locked away in a tower! - Shrek, please! - I only did that because I love her. Aye, day care or dragon-guarded castle. You wouldn't understand. You're not her father. It's so nice to have the family together for dinner. - Harold! - Shrek! - Fiona! - Fiona! - Mom! - Harold... Donkey! Your fallen tears have called to me So, here comes my sweet remedy I know what every princess needs For her to live life happily... Oh, my dear. Oh, look at you. You're all grown up. - Who are you? - Oh, sweet pea! I'm your fairy godmother. - I have a fairy godmother? - Shush, shush. Now, don't worry. I'm here to make it all better. With just a... Wave of my magic wand Your troubles will soon be gone With a flick of the wrist and just a flash You'll land a prince with a ton of cash A high-priced dress made by mice no less Some crystal glass pumps And no more stress Your worries will vanish, your soul will cleanse Confide in your very own furniture friends We'll help you set a new fashion trend - I'll make you fancy, I'll make you great - The kind of girl a prince would date! They'll write your name on the bathroom wall... For a happy ever after, give Fiona a call! A sporty carriage to ride in style, Sexy man boy chauffeur, Kyle Banish your blemishes, tooth decay, Cellulite thighs will fade away And oh, what the hey! Have a bichon fris!' Nip and tuck, here and there to land that prince with the perfect hair Lipstick liners, shadows blush To get that prince with the sexy tush Lucky day, hunk buffet You and your prince take a roll in the hay You can spoon on the moon With the prince to the tune Don't be drab, you'll be fab Your prince will have rock-hard abs Cheese souffle, Valentine's Day Have some chicken fricassee! Nip and tuck, here and there To land that prince with the perfect hair Stop! Look... Thank you very much, Fairy Godmother, but I really don't need all this. - Fine. Be that way. - We didn't like you, anyway. - Fiona? Fiona? Oh! You got a puppy? All I got in my room was shampoo. Oh, uh... Fairy Godmother, furniture... I'd like you to meet my husband, Shrek. Your husband?! What? What did you say? When did this happen? Shrek is the one who rescued me. - But that can't be right. - Oh, great. More relatives! She's just trying to help. Good! She can help us pack. Get your coat, dear. We're leaving. - What?! - I don't want to leave. When did you decide this? - Shortly after arriving. - Look, I'm sorry... No. That's all right. I need to go, anyway. But remember, dear. If you should ever need me... happiness... is just a teardrop away. Thanks, but we've got all the happiness we need. Happy, happy, happy... So I see. Let's go, Kyle. - Very nice, Shrek. - What? I told you coming here was a bad idea. You could've at least tried to get along with my father. I don't think I was going to get Daddy's blessing, even if I did want it. Do you

think it might be nice if somebody asked me what I wanted? Sure. Do you want me to pack for you? You're unbelievable! You're behaving like a... - Go on! Say it! - Like an ogre! Here's a news flash for you! Whether your parents like it or not... I am an ogre! And guess what, Princess? That's not about to change. I've made changes for you, Shrek. Think about that. That's real smooth, Shrek. I'm an ogre! I knew this would happen. You should. You started it. I can hardly believe that, Lillian. He's the ogre. Not me. I think, Harold, you're taking this a little too personally. This is Fiona's choice. But she was supposed to choose the prince we picked for her. I mean, you expect me to give my blessings to this... thing? Fiona does. And she'll never forgive you if you don't. I don't want to lose our daughter again, Harold. Oh, you act as if love is totally predictable. Don't you remember when we were young? We used to walk down by the lily pond and... - they were in bloom... - Our first kiss. It's not the same! I don't think you realize that our daughter has married a monster! Oh, stop being such a drama king. Fine! Pretend there's nothing wrong! La, di, da, di, da! Isn't it all wonderful! I'd like to know how it could get any worse! - Hello, Harold. - What happened? - Nothing, dear! Just the old crusade wound playing up a bit! I'll just stretch it out here for a while. You better get in. We need to talk. Actually, Fairy Godmother, off to bed. Already taken my pills, and they tend to make me a bit drowsy. So, how about... we make this a quick visit. What? Oh, hello. Ha-ha-ha! So, what's new? You remember my son, Prince Charming?! ls that you? My gosh! It's been years. When did you get back? Oh, about five minutes ago, actually. After I endured blistering winds, scorching desert... I climbed to the highest room in the tallest tower... Mommy can handle this. He endures blistering winds and scorching desert! He climbs to the highest bloody room of the tallest bloody tower... And what does he find? Some gender-confused wolf telling him that his princess... is already married. It wasn't my fault. He didn't get there in time. Stop the car! Harold. You force me to do something. I really don't want to do. Where are we? Hi. Welcome to Friar's Fat Boy! May I take your order? My diet is ruined! I hope you're happy. Uh... Okay. Two Renaissance Wraps, no mayo... chili rings... - I'll have the Medieval Meal. - One Medieval Meal, and, Harold... - Curly fries? - No, thank you. - Sourdough soft taco, then? - No, really, I'm fine. Your order, Fairy Godmother. This comes with the Medieval Meal. There you are, dear. We made a deal, Harold. And I assume you don't want me to go back on my part. Indeed not. So, Fiona and Charming will be together. - Yes. - Believe me, Harold. It's what's best. Not only for your daughter... But for your Kingdom. What am I supposed to do about it? Use your imagination. Oh... Come on in, Your Majesty. I like my town With a little drop of poison Nobody knows... Excuse me. Do I know you? No, you must be mistaking me for someone else. Uh... excuse me. I'm looking for the Ugly Stepsister. Ah! There you are. Right. You see, I need to have someone taken care of. - Who's the guy? - Well, he's not a guy, per se. Um... He's an ogre. Hey, buddy, let me clue you in. There's only one fellow who can handle a job like that, and, frankly... he don't like to be disturbed. he don't like to be disturbed. Where could I find him? Hello? Who dares enter my room? Sorry! I hope I'm not interrupting, but I'm told you're the one to talk to about an ogre problem? You are told correct. But for this, I charge a great deal of money. Would... this be enough? You have engaged my valuable services, Your Majesty. Just tell me where I can find this ogre. Everyone says I'm getting down too low Everyone says you've just gotta let it go You just gotta let it go I need some sleep Time to put the old horse down I'm in too deep And the wheels keep spinning round Everyone says you've just gotta let it go Everyone says you've just gotta let it go Dear

Knight, I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. Dear Diary... Sleeping Beauty is having a slumber party tomorrow, but Dad says I can't go. He never lets me out after sunset. Dad says I'm going away for a while. Must be like some finishing school. Mom says that when I'm old enough, my Prince Charming will rescue me from my tower and bring me back to my family, and we'll all live happily ever after. Mrs. Fiona Charming. Mrs. Fiona Charming. Mrs. Fiona Charming. Mrs. Fiona Charming. Sorry. I hope I'm not interrupting anything. No. No. I was just reading a, uh... a scary book. I was hoping you'd let me apologize for my despicable behavior earlier. - Okay... - I don't know what came over me. Do you suppose we could pretend it never happened and start over... - Look, Your Majesty, I just... - Please. Call me. Dad. Dad. We both acted like ogres. Maybe we just need some time to get to know each other? Excellent idea! I was actually hoping you might join me for a morning hunt. A little father-son time? I know it would mean the world to Fiona. Shall we say, Face it, Donkey! We're lost. We can't be lost. We followed the King's instructions exactly. Head to the darkest part of the woods...Past the sinister trees with scary-looking branches.- The bush shaped like Shirley Bassey! - We passed that three times already! You were the one who said not to stop for directions. Oh, great. My one chance to fix things up with Fiona's dad and I end up lost in the woods with you! Don't get huffy! I'm only trying to help. I know! I know. - I'm sorry, all right? - Hey, don't worry about it. I just really need to make things work with this guy. Yeah, sure. Now let's go bond with Daddy. Well, well, well, Donkey. I know it was kind of a tender moment back there, but the purring? What? I ain't purring. Sure. What's next? A hug? Hey, Shrek. Donkeys don't purr. What do you think I am, some kind of a... Ha-ha! Fear me, if you dare! Look! A little cat. - Look out, Shrek! He got a piece! - It's a cat, Donkey. Come here, little kitty, kitty. Come on, little kitty. Come here. Oh! Come here, little kitty. - Whoa! - Hold on, Shrek! I'm coming! - Come on! Get it off! Get it off! Oh, God. Oh... No! - Look out, Shrek! Hold still! - Get it off! Shrek! Hold still! - Did I miss? - No. You got them. Now, ye ogre, pray for mercy from... Puss... In Boots! I'll kill that cat! Ah-ha-ha! Hairball. - Oh! That is nasty! What should we do with him? Take the sword and neuter him. Give him the Bob Barker treatment. Oh, no! Por favor! Please! I implore you! It was nothing personal, Senor. I was doing it only for my family. My mother, she is sick. And my father lives off the garbage! The King offered me much in gold and I have a litter of brothers... Whoa, whoa, whoa! Fiona's father paid you to do this? The rich King? Si. Well, so much for Dad's royal blessing. Don't feel bad. Almost everybody that meets you wants to kill you. Gee, thanks. Maybe Fiona would've been better off if I were some sort of Prince Charming. That's what the King said. Oh, uh... sorry. I thought that question was directed at me. Shrek, Fiona knows you'd do anything for her. Well, it's not like I wouldn't change if I could. I just... I just wish I could make her happy. Hold the phone... Happiness.A tear drop away.Donkey! Think of the saddest thing that's ever happened to you! Man, where do I begin? First there was the time that old farmer tried to sell me for some magic beans. Then this fool had a party and he have the guests trying to pin the tail on me. Then they got drunk and start beating me with a stick, going Pinata!! What is a pinata, anyway?! No, Donkey! I need you to cry! Don't go projecting on me. I know you're feeling bad, but you got to... Aaaahhh! You little, hairy, litter-licking sack of... What? Is it on? Is it on? This is Fairy Godmother. I'm either away from my desk or with a client. But if you come by the office, we'll be glad to make you an appointment. Have a happy ever after. Oh... Are you up for a little quest, Donkey? That's more like it! Shrek and Donkey, on

another whirlwind adventure! Ain't no stoppin' us now! Whoo! We're on the move! - Stop, Ogre! I have misjudged you. - Join the club. We've got jackets. On my honor, I am obliged to accompany you until I have saved your life as you have spared me mine. The position of annoying talking animal has already been taken. Let's go, Shrek. Shrek? - Shrek! - Aw, come on, Donkey. Look at him... In his wee little boots. You know, how many cats can wear boots? Honestly. - Let's keep him! - Say what?! Ahh! Listen. He's purring! - Oh, so now it's cute. - Come on, Donkey. Lighten up. Lighten up?! I should lighten up? Look who's telling who to lighten up! Lighten up?! I should lighten up? Look who's telling who to lighten up! Shrek! Shrek? They're both festive, aren't they? What do you think, Harold? Um... Yes, yes. Fine. Fine. Try to at least pretend you're interested in your daughter's wedding ball. Honestly, Lillian, I don't think it matters. How do we know there will even be a ball? Mom. Dad. - Oh, hello, dear. - What's that, Cedric? Right! Coming. Mom, have you seen Shrek? I haven't. You should ask your father. Be sure and use small words, dear. He's a little slow this morning. - Can I help you, Your Majesty? - Ah, yes! Um... Mmm! Exquisite. What do you call this dish? That would be the dog's breakfast, Your Majesty. Ah, yes. Very good, then. Carry on, Cedric. - Dad? Dad, have you seen Shrek? - No, I haven't, dear. I'm sure he just went off to look for a nice... mud hole to cool down in. You know, after your little spat last night. Oh. You heard that, huh? The whole kingdom heard you. I mean, after all, it is in his nature to be... well, a bit of a brute. Him? You know, you didn't exactly roll out the Welcome Wagon. Well, what did you expect? Look at what he's done to you. Shrek loves me for who I am. I would think you'd be happy for me. Darling, I'm just thinking about what's best for you. Maybe you should do the same. No, really? Shh... Oh... Oh, no. That's the old Keebler's place. Let's back away slowly. That's the Fairy Godmother's cottage. She's the largest producer of hexes and potions in the whole kingdom. Then why don't we pop in there for a spell? Ha-ha! Spell! He makes me laugh. Hi. I'm here to see the... The Fairy Godmother. I'm sorry. She is not in. Jerome! Coffee and a Monte Cristo. Now! Yes, Fairy Godmother. Right away. Look, she's not seeing any clients today. OK? That's OK, buddy. We're from the union. The union? We represent the workers in all magical industries, both evil and benign. Oh! Oh, right. Are you feeling at all degraded or oppressed? Uh... a little. We don't even have dental. They don't even have dental. Okay, we'll just have a look around. Oh. By the way. I think it'd be better if the Fairy Godmother didn't know we were here. - Know what I'm saying? Huh? - Huh? Huh? Huh? - Stop it. - Of course. Go right in. A drop of desire. Naughty! A pinch of passion. And just a hint of... lust... Excuse me. Sorry to barge in like this... What in Grimm's name are you doing here? Well, it seems that Fiona's not exactly happy. Oh-ho-ho! And there's some question as to why that is? Well, let's explore that, shall we? Ah. P, P, P... Princess. Cinderella. Here we are. Lived happily ever after.Oh... No ogres! Let's see. Snow White. A handsome prince. Oh, no ogres. Sleeping Beauty. Oh, no ogres! Hansel and Gretel? No! Thumbelina? No. The Golden Bird, the Little Mermaid, Pretty Woman... No, no, no, no, no! You see, ogres don't live happily ever after. All right, look, lady! Don't you point... those dirty green sausages at me! Your Monte Cristo and coffee. Oh! Sorry. Ah... that's okay. We were just leaving. Very sorry to have wasted your time, Miss Godmother. Just... go. Come on, guys. TGlF, eh, buddy? Working hard or hardly working, eh, Mac? Get your fine Corinthian footwear and your cat cheeks out of my face! Man, that stinks! You don't exactly smell like a basket of roses. - Well, one of these has got to help. - I was just concocting this very plan! Already our minds are becoming one. Whoa, whoa. If we need an expert on

licking ourselves, we'll give you a call. Shrek, this is a bad idea. Look. Make yourself useful and go keep watch. Puss, do you think you could get to those on top? No problema, boss. In one of my nine lives, I was the great cat burglar of Santiago de Compostela. Ha-ha-ha-ha! Shrek, are you off your nut? Donkey, keep watch. Keep watch? Yeah, I'll keep watch. I'll watch that wicked witch come and whammy a world of hurt up your backside. I'll laugh, too. I'll be giggling to myself. - What do you see? - Toad Stool Softener? I'm sure a nice BM is the perfect solution for marital problems. - Elfa Seltzer? - Uh-uh. - Hex Lax? - No! Try handsome.Sorry. No handsome. Hey! How about Happily Ever After? Well, what does it do? It says Beauty Divine. In some cultures, donkeys are revered as the wisest of creatures. Especially us talking ones. Donkey! That'll have to do. We've got company. Can we get on with this? Hurry! Nice catch, Donkey! Finally! A good use for your mouth. Come on! You spurn my natural emotions You make me feel like dirt and I'm hurt And if I start a commotion I run the risk of losing you and that's worse Ever fallen in love with someone, ever fallen in love In love with someone, ever fallen in love In love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with Ever fallen in love with someone, ever fallen in love In love with someone, ever fallen in love With someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with Fallen in love with Ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with I don't care whose fault it is. Just get this place cleaned up! And somebody bring me something deep fried and smothered in chocolate! - Mother! - Charming. Sweetheart. This isn't a good time, pumpkin. Mama's working. Whoa, what happened here? - The ogre, that's what! - What? Where is he, Mom? I shall rend his head from his shoulders! I will smite him where he stands! He will rue the very day he stole my kingdom from me! Oh, put it away, Junior! You're still going to be king. We'll just have to come up with something smarter. Pardon. Um... Everything is accounted for, Fairy Godmother, except for one potion. What? Oh... I do believe we can make this work to our advantage. Happily Ever After Potion. Maximum strength. For you and your true love. If one of you drinks this, you both will be fine. Happiness, comfort and beauty divine.- You both will be fine? - I guess it means it'll affect Fiona, too. Hey, man, this don't feel right. My donkey senses are tingling all over. Drop that jug o' voodoo and let's get out of here. It says, Beauty Divine. How bad can it be? See, you're allergic to that stuff. You'll have a reaction. And if you think that I'll be smearing Vapor Rub over your chest, think again! Boss, just in case there is something wrong with the potion... allow me to take the first sip. It would be an honor to lay my life on the line for you. Oh, no, no. I don't think so. If there'll be any animal testing, I'll do it. That's the best friend's job. Now give me that bottle. How do you feel? I don't feel any different. I look any different? You still look like an ass to me. Maybe it doesn't work on donkeys. - Well, here's to us, Fiona. - Shrek? - You drink that, there's no going back. - I know. - No more wallowing in the mud? - I know. - No more itchy butt crack? - I know! - But you love being an ogre! - I know! I know. Shrek, no! Wait! Got to be... I think you grabbed the Farty Ever After potion. Maybe it's a dud. Or maybe Fiona and I were never meant to be. Or maybe Fiona and I were never meant to be. Uh-oh. What did I tell you? I feel something coming on. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die! Oh, sweet sister, mother of mercy. I'm melting! I'm melting! It's just the rain, Donkey. Oh. Don't worry. Things seem bad because it's dark and rainy and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you. It'll be better in the morning. You'll see... The sun'll come out... Tomorrow Bet your bottom... Bet my bottom? I'm coming, Elizabeth! Donkey? Are you all right? - Hey, boss. Let's shave him. - D-Donkey?

There you are! We missed you at dinner. What is it, darling? Dad... I've been thinking about what you said. And I'm going to set things right. Ah! Excellent! That's my girl. It was a mistake to bring Shrek here. I'm going to go out and find him. And then we'll go back to the swamp where we belong. Fiona, please! Let's not be rash, darling. You can't go anywhere right now. Fiona! Look, I told you he was here. Look at him! Quiet. Look at him. Good morning, sleepyhead. Good morning! We love your kitty! Oh... My head... - Here, I fetched a pail of water. Thanks. Uhh! Aahh! Oh... A cute, button nose? Thick, wavy locks? Taut, round buttocks?! I'm... I'm... - Gorgeous! - I'll say. I'm Jill. What's your name? - Um... Shrek. - Shrek? Wow. Are you from Europe? - You're tense. - I want to rub his shoulders. - I got it covered. - I don't have anything to rub. Get in line. Get in line. - Have you seen my donkey? - Who are you calling donkey? - Donkey? You're a... - A stallion, baby! I can whinny. I can count. Look at me, Shrek! I'm trotting! That's some quality potion. What's in that stuff? Oh, don't take the potion, Mr. Boss, it's very bad.Pah! Warning: Side effects may include burning, itching, oozing, weeping. Not intended for heart patients or those with... nervous disorders.I'm trotting, I'm trotting in place! Yeah! What? Senor? To make the effects of this potion permanent, the drinker must obtain his true love's kiss by midnight.Midnight? Why is it always midnight? - Pick me! I'll be your true love! - I'll be your true love. I'll be true... enough. Look, ladies, I already have a true love. Oh... And take it from me, Boss. You are going to have one satisfied Princess. And let's face it. You are a lot easier on the eyes. Inside you're the same old mean, salty... - Easy. - ...cantankerous, foul, angry ogre you always been. And you're still the same annoying donkey. - Yeah. Well... Look out, Princess. Here comes the new me. First things first. - We need to get you out of those clothes. - Ready? - Ready! - Driver, stop! Oh, God! Help me, please! My racing days are over! I'm blind! Tell the truth. Will I ever play the violin again? You poor creature! ls there anything I can do for you? Well, I guess there is one thing. Take off the powdered wig and step away from your drawers. - Not bad. - Not bad at all. Father? ls everything all right, Father? Thank you, gentlemen! Someday, I will repay you. Unless, of course, I can't find you or if I forget. Oh, yeah Turn and face the strange Ch-Ch-Changes Don't wanna be a richer one Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes Turn and face the strange Ch-Ch-Changes Just gonna have to be a different man Time may change me But I can't trace time Halt! Tell Princess Fiona her husband, Sir Shrek, is here to see her. Still don't know what I was looking for And my time was running wild, a million dead-end streets Every time I thought I'd got it made It seemed the taste was not so sweet - Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes Turn and face the strange - Shrek? - Ch-Ch-Changes Don't wanna be a richer one Time may change me But I can't trace time Fiona? Hello, handsome. Shrek! - Princess! - Donkey? Wow! That potion worked on you, too? What potion? Shrek and I took some magic potion. And well... Now, we're sexy! Shrek? For you, baby... I could be. - Yeah, you wish. - Donkey, where is Shrek? He went inside looking for you. Shrek? Fiona! Fiona! You want to dance, pretty boy? Are you going so soon? Don't you want to see your wife? Fiona? Shrek? Aye, Fiona. It is me. What happened to your voice? The potion changed a lot of things, Fiona. But not the way I feel about you. Fiona? - Charming? - Do you think so? Dad. I was so hoping you'd approve. - Um... Who are you? - Mom, it's me, Shrek. I know you never get a second chance at a first impression, but, well, what do you think? Fiona! Fiona! Fiona! - Fiona! - Fiona, Fiona! Ho-ho-ho! Oh, shoot! I don't think they can hear us, pigeon. Don't you think you've already messed her life up enough? I just wanted her to be happy. And now she can be. Oh, sweetheart. She's finally found the prince of her dreams.

But look at me. Look what I've done for her. It's time you stop living in a fairy tale, Shrek. She's a princess, and you're an ogre. That's something no amount of potion will ever change. But... I love her. If you really love her... you'll let her go. Shrek? Senor. What's going on? Where are you going? You wouldn't have had anything to do with this, would you, Harold? People just ain't no good I think that's well understood There you go, boys. Just leave the bottle, Doris. Hey. Why the long face? It was all just a stupid mistake. I never should have rescued her from that tower in the first place. I hate Mondays. I can't believe you'd walk away from the best thing that happened to you. What choice do I have? She loves that pretty boy, Prince Charming. Come on. ls he really that good-looking? Are you kidding? He's gorgeous! He has a face that looks like it was carved by angels. - Oh. He sounds dreamy. - You know... shockingly, this isn't making me feel any better. Look, guys. It's for the best. Mom and Dad approve, and Fiona gets the man she's always dreamed of. Everybody wins. Except for you. I don't get it, Shrek. You love Fiona. Aye. And that's why I have to let her go. Excuse me, is she here? She's, uh... in the back. Oh, hello again. Fairy Godmother. Charming. You'd better have a good reason for dragging us down here, Harold. Well, I'm afraid Fiona isn't really... warming up to Prince Charming. - FYI, not my fault. - No, of course it's not, dear. I mean, how charming can I be when I have to pretend I'm that dreadful ogre? No, no, it's nobody's fault. Perhaps it's best if we just call the whole thing off, okay? - What? - You can't force someone to fall in love! I beg to differ. I do it all the time! Have Fiona drink this and she'll fall in love with the first man she kisses, which will be Charming. - Umm... no. - What did you say? I can't. I won't do it. Oh, yes, you will. lf you remember, I helped you with your happily ever after. And I can take it away just as easily. ls that what you want? ls it? - No. - Good boy. Now, we have to go. I need to do Charming's hair before the ball. He's hopeless. He's all high in the front. He can never get to the back. You need someone to do the back. Oh. Thank you, Mother. Mother? Um... Mary! A talking horse! The ogre! Stop them! Thieves! Bandits! Stop them! The abs are fab and it's gluteus to the maximus here at tonight's Far, Far Away Royal Ball blowout! The coaches are lined up as the cream of the crop pours out of them like Miss Muffet's curds and whey. Everyone who's anyone has turned out to honor Princess Fiona and Prince Shrek. And, oh my, the outfits look gorgeous! Look! Hansel and Gretel! What the heck are the crumbs for? And right behind them, Tom Thumb and Thumbelina! - Oh, aren't they adorable! Here comes Sleeping Beauty! Tired old thing. Who's this? Who's this? Who is this? Oh. It's the one, it's the only... It's the Fairy Godmother! Hello, Far, Far Away! Can I get a whoop whoop? May all your endings be happy and... Well, you know the rest! We'll be right back with the Royal Far, Far Away Ball after these messages. I hate these ball shows. They bore me to tears. Flip over to Wheel Of Torture! I'm not flipping anywhere, sir, until I see Shrek and Fiona. Whizzes on you guys. Hey, mice, pass me a buffalo wing! No, to your left. Your left! - Tonight on Knights... - Now here's a good show! We got a white bronco heading east into the forest. Requesting backup. It's time to teach these madcap mammals their devil may care attitudes just won't fly. Why you grabbing me? Police brutality! I have to talk to Princess Fiona! - We warned you! - Ow! Ow! Did someone let the cat out of the bag? You capitalist pig dogs! - Catnip! - That's not mine. Find Princess Fiona! I'm a donkey! Tell her Shrek... I'm her husband, Shrek! Quick! Rewind it! I'm her husband, Shrek! Ow! Darling? Ah. I thought I might find you here. How about a nice hot cup of tea before the ball? I'm not going. The whole Kingdom's turned out to celebrate your marriage. There's just one problem. That's not my husband. I

mean, look at him. Yes, he is a bit different, but people change for the ones they love. You'd be surprised how much I changed for your mother. Change? He's completely lost his mind! Why not come down to the ball and give him another chance? You might find you like this new Shrek. But it's the old one I fell in love with, Dad. I'd give anything to have him back. Darling. That's mine. Decaf. Otherwise I'm up all night. Thanks. I got to get out of here! I got to get out of here! You can't lock us up like this! Let me go! What about my Miranda rights? You're supposed to say I have the right to remain silent. Nobody said I have the right to remain silent! You have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity. I must hold on before l, too, go totally mad. Shrek? Donkey? Too late. Gingy! Pinocchio! Get us out of here! Oh... Fire in ze hole! Look out below! Quick! Tell a lie! - What should I say? - Anything, but quick! Say something crazy like I'm wearing ladies' underwear!I am wearing ladies' underwear. - Are you? - I most certainly am not! It looks like you most certainly am are! - I am not! - What kind? - It's a thong! - Oww! They're briefs! - Are not. - Are too! - Are not! - Are too! Here we go. Hang tight. Wait, wait, wait! Ow! Ow! Hey, hey, hey! Ow! - Excuse me? - What? Puss! Pardon me, would you mind letting me go? - Sorry, boss. - Quit messing around! We've got to stop that kiss! I thought you was going to let her go. I was, but I can't let them do this to Fiona. Boom! That's what I like to hear. Look who's coming around! It's impossible! We'll never get in. The castle's guarded. There's a moat and everything! Folks, it looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick. - What? - Do you still know the Muffin Man? Well, sure! He's down on Drury Lane. Why? Because we're gonna need flour. Lots and lots of flour. Gingy! Fire up the ovens, Muffin Man! We've got a big order to fill! It's alive! Run, run, run, as fast you can! Go, baby, go! There it is, Mongo! To the castle! No, you great stupid pastry! Come on! Mongo! Down here! Look at the pony! That's right! Follow the pretty pony! Pretty pony wants to play at the castle! Pretty pony. Ladies and gentlemen. Presenting Princess Fiona and her new husband, Prince Shrek. Shrek, what are you doing? I'm just playing the part, Fiona. ls that glitter on your lips? Mm. Cherry flavored. Want to taste? - Ugh! What is with you? - But, Muffin Cake... C Minor, put it in C Minor. Ladies and gentlemen. I'd like to dedicate this song to... Princess Fiona and Prince Shrek. Fiona, my Princess. Will you honor me with a dance? Where have all the good men gone And where are all the gods? Dance! Where's the streetwise Hercules To fight the rising odds? Since when do you dance? Fiona, my dearest,if there's one thing I know, it's that love is full of surprises. Late at night I toss and I turn And I dream of what I need Hit it! I need a hero All right, big fella! Let's crash this party! Man the catapults! Aim! Fire! - Brace yourselves! - Ooh! Purty! Not the gumdrop button! Incoming! Ha-ha! All right! Somewhere after midnight In my wildest fantasy Go, Mongo! Go! Man the cauldrons! After you, Mongo. - That's it! Heave-ho! - Watch out! Shrek! More heat, less foam! Up where the mountains Meet the heavens above Out where the lightning Splits the sea I could swear there is someone Somewhere watching me Heave! Ho! No...! Come on! Look out! - Be good. He needs me! Let me go! Donkey! Puss! Go! Go! Your lady needs you! Go! Today, I repay my debt. Aww... On guard! He's gotta be strong And he's gotta be fast And he's gotta be fresh From the fight - I need a hero - Stop! - Hey, you! Back away from my wife. - Shrek? You couldn't just go back to your swamp and leave well enough alone. - Now! - Pigs und blanket! Pinocchio! Get the wand! I see London! I see France! Whah! I'm a real boy! Ah! Ah! Aaahhh! Catch! Donkey! Oh! I'm a real boy. Aah! Oh! - Ha! - Ah. That's mine! Pray for mercy, from Puss... And Donkey! She's taken the potion! Kiss her now! No! - Hi-ya! - Fiona. - Shrek. Harold! You

were supposed to give her the potion! Well, I guess I gave her the wrong tea. - Mommy! - Mommy? I told you. Ogres don't live happily ever after. Woo! Ha! Oh, Dad! - ls he...? - Yup. He croaked. Harold? Dad? I'd hoped you'd never see me like this. - And he gave you a hard time! - Donkey! No, no, he's right. I'm sorry. To both of you. I only wanted what was best for Fiona. But I can see now... she already has it. Shrek, Fiona... Will you accept an old frog's apologies... and my blessing? Harold? I'm sorry, Lillian. I just wish I could be the man you deserve. You're more that man today than you ever were... warts and all. Boss! The Happily Ever After Potion! Midnight! Fiona. ls this what you want? To be this way forever? - What? - Because if you kiss me now... we can stay like this. You'd do that? - For me? - Yes. I want what any princess wants. To live happily ever after... with the ogre I married. Whatever happens, I must not cry! You cannot make me cry! Whoa! No. No, no. Aaah! Ow. Oh, no. Hey. You still look like a noble steed to me. Now, where were we? Oh! I remember. Hey! Isn't we supposed to be having a fiesta?! Uno, dos, quatro, hit it! Puss and Donkey, y'all... She's into superstitions Black cats and voodoo dolls - Sing it, Puss! - I feel a premonition That girl's gonna make me fall Here we go! She's into new sensations New kicks in the candlelight She's got a new addiction For every day and night She'll make you take your clothes off And go dancing in the rain She'll make you live her crazy life But she'll take away your pain Like a bullet to your brain Upside inside out Living la vida loca Hey gorgeous! Living la vida loca Her lips are devil red And her skin's the color of mocha She will wear you out - Living la vida loca - She livin' it loca! Living la vida loca - Say it one more time now! - Living the vida loca Hey, Donkey, that's Spanish! She'll push and pull you down Living la vida loca She will wear you out Living la vida loca Living la vida loca She'll push and pull you down Living the vida loca Her lips are devil red And her skin's the color of mocha She will wear you out Living la vida loca Living la vida loca Living la vida loca Living la vida loca All by myself All by myself Don't wanna be All by myself anymore... Amigo, we are off to the Kit-Kat Club. Come on, join us. Thanks, compadre. I'm... I'm not in the mood. We will cheer you up! Find you a nice burro! Hey, baby! Hey, that's my girl! Yeah! All right! Baby, where you been? - I'm sorry, too. I should've stayed. But Shrek had this thing he had to do. What? Say it one more time. What you talking about? Are you serious? - Papa! Look at our little mutant babies! I got to get a job. I got to get a job.

Omg

[01010010-posts]

— those who laugh don't cry.

requests: could you possibly do some headcanons for the rks reacting to their s/o having ticklish thighs? my friends accidentally found out about it and constantly touch my thighs and it tickles. i guess the rks will be confused and -60 being the little devil he is would use it to his advantage :((

hi sweetie!! I had this rlly cute thought that maybe you could turn into a headcanon??so one day reader gets really curious about androids and weirdest freakin question came to mind- are androids ticklish? So what do they do?? UMM FREAKIN TICKLE THE 3CS OFC (but to her disappointment it doesnt work...) so reader is sad :(( but then the 3cs get an evil idea of their own >:))) is the reader ticklish?? CUE CHAOS- THE DPD IS IN CHAOS, DETROIT IS IN CHAOS OH GOD ANDREW WHY IS THE COFFEE POT ON FIRE??

me out there making homemade remedies to cure myself like the little witch bitch that i am

Connor:

• “honey, please, look at me” • you shyly refuse, analyzing the floor with such interest • “it was just a mug, we’ll buy a new one” • your face twists in a bitter grimace “yes, but it was your favourite....” • he rolls his eyes, tenderly bothered, as he hugs you • “as I said, it was just a mug. we can get another, can’t we? you’ll pick it out for me, okay? I’ll cherish it as my new favourite” • he coos over your skull, his fingertips running gently through, his motherly gestures bubbling up to the surface • and you take a deep sigh, calming down a bit, reassured by being held • “yeah.... i’m sorry, it’s just– i overreacted, it’s okay, we’ll search for a cuter one, alright?” • “mh-mh, that’s more like it.” he smiles and gives you a couple of kisses “you seem a bit stressed.... bad day?” • “yep.... more like a bad week tho” you rest your chin on his chest, tired, weary, somewhat a bit sad, because hey it was his favourite fuck • “this much? without me realizing and without you telling? gosh, then drastic measures need to be taken!” • your nose scrunches up and your eyes open wide “wha–” • but there’s no time to ponder a proper reaction as he’s already tickling your thighs • “CONNOR PLEASE– CONNOR–” you snort, unable to resist his (terrible?) solution to all of your problems • “yes? sorry, darling, can’t really hear you if you giggle so much” he doesn’t stop at your protests and, instead, starts laughing too, infected with your sounds • “you’re cruel!” you manage to shout, your shirt tousled in a laboured way by the strain of resisting his attacks • “am I?” he whispers in your right ear, finally halting • “only a bit” you murmur, kissing him 

RK900:

• “an experiment, you say?” he looks at you with a skeptical glint in his eyes, eyebrow half-raised in a familiar disbelief • “yeah.... for science, you know.... a field test” you vaguely answer, trying to not give away your real aim • “oh? a field test? mhh, I suppose that’s enough of a valid reason. go ahead, then” he presses his back harder on the sofa, lifting his arms up in the air without any resistance   • but have you seen his expression tho • the total opposite of ‘defeat’ • you carefully approach him, glancing his way a couple of times before planting your fingers into his torso • no feedback whatsoever okay let’s jot that down • you start to move your digits along his figure, under his jacket but above his thick turtleneck, stroking the fabric; gently at first and then more brash, as frustration grows • he can’t help but let out a good laugh, seriously amused by your actions • “I’m sorry, love. I’m afraid.... I’m not really ticklish after all” • you huff a sigh, helpless, of course, you knew– but maybe– i mean, it didn’t hurt to try? • “figured” still a bit annoyed, your arms unconsciously fold against your chest • and he feels so warm; so tender inside— the sole vision of you, cheeks tentatively hiding embarrassment, he can’t resist such sweet call • his big hands envelope you, pulling & gripping tightly your body into his embrace “c’mon, don’t be sad” he teases you, leaving a slow kiss on the corner of your forehead “there’s always one of us who’s.... weak to torture” • and as soon as he’s finished with his phrase you start to feel this buzzing sensation • oh no oh no this fucker • “I SWEAR TO– I FUCKING AHAHAHAH– I FUCK– AHAHA F-FUCKING HATE YOU AHAHAH” • “mhh? is that so? can you really tell me something like that while in stitches, though?” he mercilessly continues, holding you close and not letting you escape, playfully nibbling at your lobes and at the start of your neck • “you’re– you’re the worst” you whisper, hinting a light chuckle and searching for your lacking oxygen with a smile on your face 

RK800-60:

• “okay okay okay.” a long breath “you’re basically saying being tickled is connected to pain nerves?” • “mhh yeah? thought you’d know” he softly giggles, not actually paying much attention to the conversation at hand– videogames are important too! • you shift on your slim recliner “well, no, i don’t think i knew. i mean, i did know it was some sort of defense mechanism but.... really? pain nerves? you’re not kidding me?” • “it’s true! trust me– or check wikipedia– but I’m not lying!” he pouts, pretending to be offended by your suspicious remarks • “fineee” you bite your lips, trapping inside a smirk “i believe you.” and having said this you return to check his progresses on the tv • but • the screen blackens and you’re a bit confused, he paused? • “what?” you ask, genuinely curious, your eyes searching his face • “we haven’t.... we have never tried” • “what. what are you talking about. baby what” not even the chance to continue talking that he’s already looming over you with his hands frozen into claws • “don’t worry~ we’ll just confirm that your nerves are working properly” he mocks with a devilish sneer, closer to your ensnared frame • “no no no no no no NO DON’T YOU DARE” you protect your ribs (in vain) by scattering your elbows across your body • “or? what you’re gonna do if I dare?” he grabs your hips, his evil intentions clearly visible • you gulp “i’m– i’m gonna– i’m gonna tickle you too!” you retort, newly awaken resolution in your nails, now seizing his own hips • “gasp! you wouldn’t!” he acts shocked and he’s so committed to the role he just misses the back of his wrist covering his crown • “and what if i do it?” • “and what if i do it too?” • gosh it’s a high noon type of deadlock • but you’re both morons so the only possible finale is • you start tickling each other at the same time and end up laughing as the little children you are

[dalgonachan]

Kiss It Better

member: Mingyu x reader

genre: fluff with a dash of angst, live-in partners, non-idol au (?)

warnings: swearing, mentions of injuries, mentions of alcohol, suggestive content

prompt: there's no doubt his kisses were all you needed to feel a whole lot better

word count: 1735

a/n: i had a hard time choosing what gif to put so pls don’t kill me

The comfort of lying in bed lessens the throbbing pain in your head. With eyes shut and breaths evened out, you try to keep your focus on achieving the state of relaxation you need. The silence, however, only seems to amplify the throbbing; you groan through clenched teeth.

"How much does it hurt?" The sound of Mingyu's husky voice fills your ears.

You want to tell him that your head feels like exploding, that you want to bang your head straight on a wall, that it hurt so much worse than hell. Instead, the pain restrains you from saying any more than two words.

"A lot." You reply weakly.

The bed dips and you feel Mingyu shuffling by your side. His hand rests warmly on your cheek for him to caress, then it trails upwards to your hair and runs his fingers through it. You let out a shaky sigh as you relished in the gentleness of his touch. Somehow, it helps you tolerate the headache.

"My poor baby," Mingyu mutters before placing a chaste kiss to your forehead.

"May you feel better soon, (Y/n)."

His hand stops to rest on your shoulder and you feel him scoot closer to press your foreheads together. A small smile forms on your lips, an expression that showed your content towards Mingyu's sweet little action. There was no doubt he had a healing kiss because, at that moment, you could feel the pain slowly subsiding.

Hot oil spatters out of the pan and lands on your arm, the brief scalding sensation making you yelp and hop away from the stove. Earlier today, you had asked Mingyu if he could teach you to cook which he immediately (and enthusiastically) complied. Now, he was laughing at you for being too afraid to come near the stove after being exposed to minuscule droplets of oil and a harmless burn.

"Stop laughing at me, you little shit!" You barked, but he only cackled even louder. "That actually hurt! I don't understand how you're able to withstand it."

"You're just weak." He teased and you glared at him. "Now come back here, you little shit. We're not done yet."

You shook your head and backed away. "Nuh-uh."

"Quit being such a scaredy-cat." It only took Mingyu a single stride for him to reach your arm and tug you back to his side. "You're all grown up already. You need to learn how to cook so that you can feed yourself without needing anybody's help."

"But it's so hot and my arm still hurts!" You whined, pouting at him while pointing at the spot the oil had hit.

"(Y/n), I literally don't see anything wrong with it." He said as he took you by the wrist and examined your arm.

"But it hurts." You insisted.

With an exasperated sigh, he pulled your arm next to his face and grazed his lips over the skin you claimed to have gotten burnt before turning to you and grumbling, "You're such a baby."

You flash him a cheeky grin. "But I'm your baby."

Sometimes, his kisses were all you needed even when unnecessary.

It takes a while before you finally decide what you're in the mood to wear. Grabbing your clothes, you toss them onto the bed while shutting the closet doors when—

"YAAA!" Mingyu jumps out of hiding and scares you shitless.

Startled, you shriek and accidentally bump into the closet. You don't need the loud thud to tell you how hard the impact was because you've already fallen to the floor while cradling your knee.

"Oh my god! Are you okay?!" Mingyu hurriedly gets down to your side, regret and worry on his face as he looks down at your writhing figure.

"You fucking son of a bitch, do I look like I'm okay?!" You yell and it takes everything in you to stop yourself from slapping him. "I'm going to get a bad bruise and it's all your fault!"

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean for you to get hurt." He sounds so genuinely apologetic that it washes away all your anger. "I'm going to get some ice. Just stay here, okay?"

With that, he leaves the room and you listen to the echo of his footsteps trudging down the stairs.

"I don't think I'm going anywhere, Mingyu." You mutter with a chuckle as you manage to get off the ground and prop yourself on the bed.

Lifting your leg, you observe the dark-hued discoloration beginning to bloom on your knee. The swelling pain makes you cringe and you bite down on your lip to keep from hissing. Soon, Mingyu returns with an ice pack in hand and he kneels before you to place it on the fresh bruise. The sharp coldness on the injury causes your lips to knit into nothing but a thin line on your visage.

"I'm sorry, (Y/n)." He says, looking up at you with sad puppy eyes, pouting all the while with his lower lip jutting out.

"It's alright. You didn't mean it." You shrug nonchalantly, brushing his forehead free from hair then flicking it. "Just don't do it again, you idiot."

He flinches back in surprise, then nods while grinning sheepishly. "Yes, yes. I won't. I'm sorry."

Seconds later, Mingyu lifts the ice pack away to look at the bruise forming on your skin; you grimace at the sight of red and purple clotting right below the surface. Carefully, he lowers his lips until they delicately make contact with your knee. You don't feel anything due to the numbness caused by the ice, but you're pretty sure that kiss was just as good as any remedy—maybe, even better.

Soreness; it's the first thing you feel throughout your entire body when you wake up. The urge to immerse yourself in a hot shower reels your head off the pillow, but you wince halfway through sitting up by a twinge on your shoulder. To make things worse, the supposedly short-lived pain eventually flares into a nonstop stinging sensation. Wondering what the hell was bothering you so early in the morning, you look over to check on it and discover a huge hickey just right above your shoulder blade.

Last night was a blur thanks to all the alcohol, but you can still clearly recall making love with Mingyu. His canines were something you were fully aware of, but you had absolutely no idea how damn hard he could bite. You trace your fingers over the love mark and let out a whimper, partly out of shock and of pain.

Just then, your attention shifts to the man lying next to you who's stirred from his sleep. You watch him stretch out his arms and legs as he heaves a long and deep yawn. It takes a while before his eyes flutter open and he sees you staring, a silly smile lighting up his already handsome features to greet you good morning. However, the smile drops when he sees you rubbing the area he had bitten and instantly, he's up to take a look at it too.

"Does it hurt that bad?" Mingyu asks, furrowing his brows.

"Pretty much, yeah." You try to sound as casual as possible to make him less worried about it. "Hickeys last for only a few days though, so it's nothing."

He doesn't say anything, but the disapproving frown on his face speaks for himself. Seconds later, his strong arms wrap you in warmth as he pecks the skin he had nipped the night before. The desire of a hot shower is long forgotten as the two of you retreat into the covers once again.

It wasn't supposed to be much of a big deal, yet here you were bawling your eyes out on the couch. You were caught in the pounding rain on the way home and in your rush, failed to notice that you had dropped the keyring Mingyu had given you years ago. Most people would simply shrug it off and get on with their lives, but for you, that Mickey Mouse keyring possessed great sentimental value; it served as a reminder of the time you and Mingyu celebrated your first anniversary as a couple.

Back then, he had surprised you a few days before that you were going on a trip to Hong Kong Disneyland. The sudden announcement made your jaw drop from utter disbelief, especially because of the fact that he had paid so much and you were going out of the country just to celebrate your first anniversary together. It was a one week vacation, but the events in Disneyland were the only memories that stayed with you after you left Hong Kong. You had so much fun that Mingyu decided to buy you the keyring as a souvenir and you've never stopped using it ever since... until you lost it out of pure carelessness.

"It's alright, (Y/n). Look at me, I'm not mad at all." Mingyu said, trying to console you from your distress.

"But you gave that to me on our first year together and... and... now, it's gone forever!" You wailed in between hiccups caused by ceaseless sobbing. "I probably look like an idiot for crying over a keyring, but I'm an even bigger idiot for losing it!"

Your lament makes you cry even harder as Mingyu encases you into a soothing hug. It successfully pacifies your sadness and soon enough, your bawling gradually turns into sniffles.

"Are you still upset about it?" Mingyu puts his hands on either side of your face to wipe away your tears with his thumbs.

"Yeah." You respond in a quavering voice.

"Will it be possible for me to kiss it better?" He asks; his eyes are focused on you, but you catch them flicker to your lips for a split second.

It was a simple and innocent question, yet it was more than enough to lift your spirits. You smile at him affectionately and lightly giggle. "Well, there was never a time your kisses never worked, so go ahead."

He grins mirthfully, a charming sight adorning his gorgeous visage, making you fall for him ten times over again. Without further ado, your lips touch and it sparks a feeling so magical that you melt into each other. Your heartbeat quickens the same way your breaths do and in that blissful moment, you could already feel him curing you of melancholy.

[mrfandomgage]

Jevil: so...

Gage: My name is FANDOM. I don't just wanna sit in one continuity a-

Jevil: Look man, I was just wondering why you were dancing like that to some Sonic Music. No doubt it's a bop, but are ya feeling alright

Gage: ...

Jevil: By the by, I already understood you wanted to be part of multiple worlds, why do you think I'm not complaining about Monika?

Gage: right, I did do that, huh?

Jevil: Also Ralsei found out and Tailored her some clothes to fit in around here

Gage: great. I leave this world alone and need to logically connect events. My luck.

Jevil: isn't that something you enjoy?

Gage: yeah, but it's like how I fail to explain how you're allowed to keep track of this computer, and how you're even "tamed" enough to be allowed to be near it

Jevil: I thought it was obvious I was still tired, just little mischief here and there, but not much

Gage:

Jevil:

Jevil: So what were you listening to?

Gage: Sonic 3 and Knuckles soundtrack! It's pretty good, but it makes me upset I never played it as a kid. It's also annoying that Sonic 3 and Knuckles isn't considered canon. See this was initially going to be one game, however Sonic 3 had to be split in two, however to remedy this, SEGA made "Lock on technology" in short you'd put the game in the console and you could play it, or you could stuff another game on top of it and play the game through that. Honestly Sonic 3 and Sonic and Knuckles don't make much sense apart. All this because a McDonald's tie in deal! I mean, without the deal, we wouldn't have gotten Sonic 2 and Knuckles where if you put Sonic 2 into Sonic and Knuckles, it'd actually modify Sonic 2 to give more space for the Red Echidna, so that's cool at least.

Jevil: I have no clue what you're saying

Gage: anyway, back to story telling. Sonic 3 and Knuckles was originally just going to be Sonic 3, a game that'd feature Knuckles the Echidna, however it had to be split and rushed out with a deal, but there are obvious traces of how you could maneuver around playing as the Echidna in Sonic 3, so these features were planned before the game was finished. So just to say it's not canon is insulting, when it also brings up higher story potential! I mean, in the rushed release, knuckles was always Sonic's no named enemy, and there's barely any idea of story progression with them being friends in Sonic and Knuckles.

Jevil: did you hear me earlier or?

Gage: in Sonic 3 and Knuckles, There's a sense of higher story progression with the Chaos Emeralds and Super Emeralds(?) and it's not just that getting broken abilities is cool, they're a reward for hard work, to break the boundaries of what's normally possible because there are still limits to what you can do, the idea of going beyond those limits for even a minute, and when you think you've reached the top, there's always potential to go beyond the highest mountain, and break past the stars! It's a game that rewards you with your first taste of breaking insurmountable odds, when you're low on time facing a foe that seems like an impassible wall, too high to climb with a floor of stone, all you can do is bust through the wall!

Jevil: all this over a game?

Gage: Games are great experiences for helping us feel like we can take on any challenge ahead, ultimately it's about skills and your will. In the end, it isn't Sonic that collected all the Chaos Emeralds and unleashed the potential of the Super Emeralds, that was you. It's you who beats Eggman in a race against your own time as Hyper Sonic. You're the one who's won against the odds, you're the one that got to Doomsday and you're the one that ended Doomsday. Tails got his own form where he lends his power to others and Knuckles got his own super forms as well, shaking mountains and being a strong dependable warrior for his land... and then people said that that game wasn't canon even though the continuity doesn't make that much sense then. It's annoying watching SEGA shoot themselves in the foot when it comes to their own stories. They have such great potential, they broke the typical mold for a platformer and now they're trying to replicate that mold, and are too afraid to tell bleak stories with triumphant ends. Seriously, original Sonic was a landscape where a man was violating the land and causing permanent damage, and even enslaving animals encasing them in robots and forcing them to power said robots, then Sonic freed the animals and even restored nature to the land with the Chaos Emeralds against all odds!

Jevil: I still have no clue what you're talking about

Gage: yeah, understandable

[comeonlight]

Hey I wrote ???something? don’t look at me

Lightning doesn't run because she enjoys it. She just happens to be “lightning fast,” as some say, and Akademeia, a prestigious and more importantly local university just happens to give hefty benefits to top-notch athletes. Free courses and course materials, free meals, free workout equipment, free housing if she wants it, but she can't be bothered with moving - pretty much anything she wants is hers as long as she makes the school look good. Including tutoring. Some courses are mandatory for all majors, no matter how irrelevant they are in the long run, one of those being a math course that makes next to no sense. Even her sister Serah, who she admits is better with these kinds of things, has almost no idea what the textbook is trying to convey. And that’s where Hope comes in.

Hope Estheim is several years Lightning’s senior, but still attends Akademeia in pursuit of his dual doctorate. Lightning wonders how someone with ambitions that insane manages to come over twice a week to tutor her, but she keeps her questions limited to ones about formulae that look like they were pulled out of some sadistic mathematician’s ass. That is, until Hope begins to shift things. He always begins with a “How are you?” or other generic line, and then he starts multitasking. He analyzes what Lightning is having trouble with and explains things simply, while simultaneously looking. He'll glance at Lightning’s face, her arms, her hands, as if he's taking notes. Lightning can feel his eyes on her, but she ignores it; Hope is too...innocent to be any sort of pervert. At least, that's what she tells herself. Hope will point out bruises or tense muscles, and suggest this or that remedy. Over the semester, he'd come to notice how Lightning’s face changes when she's stressed about something other than the textbook that may as well be about rocket science. All the little nuances seem to be in an organized file in his big brain. Lightning doesn't mention how he always seems to know when something’s off; she just accepts that he's right pretty much all of the time and blows off some steam here and there. She trusts him, and his presence is oddly calming. It's nice to have him around when Serah is out. Speaking of which, Serah seems to be around less and less during her study sessions. She's probably off with that idiot.

“Lightning? Are you alright?” Hope’s words bring Lightning to attention, and her urge to vomit subsides. “Uh...oh. Yeah. I'm fine. It's just that Serah…” She sighs and closes her textbook. “Nevermind. This session's over. And I'm sure you've got a ton of work to do. See you next week.” Hope doesn't budge at the dismissal. “I stay two weeks ahead of my course schedules, at minimum. And I don't have to go into the lab this evening.” He's looking at Lightning with those big green eyes, like some sort of puppy. A freakishly smart, overachieving, silver-haired puppy. “Is that an invitation for me to vent all my troubles to you?” The question brings about a nervous chuckle from Hope. “Well...I never mind lending an ear, especially to a friend.” He immediately bites his lip. “Um, that is, if you would consider us friends. I am your tutor, so if you...I mean.” He clears his throat and adjusts his tie - not that it's crooked, but he needs to busy his hands. “I seem to be at a loss for words. I apologize, Lightning.”

Lightning folds her arms and rests her feet on the table in front of her, right next to her textbook. “Light. That’s...what my friends call me.” Hope’s sinking stomach stops in its tracks and starts to soar instead. He swallows, reminding himself to breathe normally. A budding friendship is no reason to get excited. He begins to suspect other emotions at play, but drowns them out with logic. And then Lightning continues. “Serah just got engaged a couple of days ago...to a giant oaf. He's big and clumsy and a complete idiot. I don't know what she sees in him. I guess he's a nice guy if you look past how annoying he is. I just don't…” She scowls, wiggling her toes and glaring into space. “Snow,” Hope says. “I can see why you're not fond of him. Trust me.” Lightning raises her brow. “You know that fool?” Hope sighs, which is really all the answer Lightning needs. “It's kind of a long story.” Lightning places her feet back on the ground. She can already tell this conversation is going to need some alcohol. “You've got time, right?” She stands up. “I've got beer, wine, and a ton of vodka. Take your pick.” Hope is stunned by the offer. “I...Water, please.” Lightning stares at him a moment. Right. He has class the next morning, and he just looks like a lightweight. “Roger.”

Serah unlocks the front door. She makes it a habit not to come home too late, but she's not perfect. In this case she's very, very late and expects a scolding, but at least she's prepared with a slice of strawberry cheesecake. How upset could Lightning possibly get at her darling little sister who goes out of her way to bring some dessert home? Serah enters the house, expecting Lightning to appear out of the shadows at any moment. But nothing happens. She's suspicious now. Lightning is light on her feet, yes, but her angry footsteps should be somewhat audible. And what's that smell? Pizza? Lightning never orders pizza. This is definitely strange. Serah takes off her shoes and tiptoes through the kitchen to the living room. Her jaw drops.

Hope is seated on the couch, and Lightning’s head is in his lap. Three slices of pizza are left in a box on the coffee table, next to a bottle of vodka that, from the looks of it, Lightning had drunk a quarter of. Lightning shifts slightly, mumbling something incomprehensible before beginning to snore lightly. Hope acknowledges Serah with a shy smile and a wave. Serah smirks and whips out her phone in the blink of an eye. She snaps a photo before Hope can hide his face. Not even cheesecake will get her out of this one when Lightning wakes up, but this opportunity is worth it. She looks to Hope, who seems stone sober. He is so getting milked for details the next day.

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: *The worst thing was not even being able to cry. Okay, so that wasn't true but it made the pain, that she thought couldn't possibly be any more, deepen, burrowing deep down inside her, not allowed to be felt, growing there, hollowing her out from the inside. She was hollow now. A literal husk. Like one of those creatures that get eggs laid in its brain or whatever, happily and mindlessly growing the imposter babies until they're big enough to eat their way out. But she hadn't even been tricked, it wasn't mindless, injected on the sly, unaware. She had OFFERED to do this. Happily growing her, the baby, Venus, her baby but not, day after day. Acting as if she could do this. How could they have believed her? How could they be all smiles and happy tears and joy, snatching her from her arms, when she was lying there, torn apart by this. How? She wasn't that good an actress. Buster knew. Had known from the start. Couldn't have listened, could she? No, had to prove him wrong, prove she was a good person, sister. Hope it was worth it. Because what have you got to show for it now? His car came to a stop in the driveway. She didn't get out. Couldn't.  Jay wasn't there right now, obviously, but she'd be back soon. How could she look after her, give her her baths, tell her stories, play with her, cook her meals, when her whole body and mind was screaming to look after her own baby. She needed her. Venus needed her. Rio shook her head, tears silently trickling down her face, finally, a numb sort of acceptance.* Buster: *He'd done everything he was meant to do, months of rubbing her back to try and erase tension and fucking sadness she liked to try and pretend wasn't there, exchanged for hours of the same action, but with pain so physical it couldn't be denied. On the one hand he was grateful that it had to hurt (selfish and cunty as that sounded) 'cause it pushed every other sensation aside, giving her an out, as their was no way she could think of anything but getting the baby out. On the other (yet more selfish and cunty) he was angry that from where he stood there was no forgetting that this wasn't the end, more like the worst beginning, and the next part, the after, he had no idea how to prepare for. Yeah, he could hold her hand in the delivery room and feed her ice when she needed it, no worries, but how the hell was he meant to keep hold when they left (empty handed as he'd warned) and feed her lies that neither of them believed in or found comforting? Fucking hell. It was hell, as much as they'd ever been in it. Buster hadn't felt out of depth when they placed either of his daughters in his arms, but now, holding Rio, he had to admit he was lost. Still, he did it, forcing a closeness he knew she wouldn't ask for. Didn't think she deserved. Wrong again, that much he could let be wordlessly spoken for all the 'I told you so' bullshit he never would.* Rio: *She didn't have it in her to push him away. She had no fight left. She didn't lean into it either though, remaining rigid, not allowing herself to get comfort from it. Didn't deserve it. The 'told you so' wouldn't come, of course, talk what he liked, he wasn't that cunt. But she was. And it true. He had. Punishment enough in what had happened, he surely reckoned. If only. She had plenty of ideas of how she could hurt herself forever over this. Keep that to herself too, knowing he'd try and put a stop to that. What a fucking mess she had dragged him into. Understatement. And just another reason to hate herself.* Buster: *Left without a single option for how to bring her back into the world he simply resolved to bring the world to her. Theirs. 'Cause not everything had changed, it couldn't have. There was already enough to deal with, too much really, and that was just from his perspective. Selfish again, but all he had to work with, his pressure to thrive from, since Rio was making it abundantly clear he was locked out of hers. The silence was pressing down making the car feel cramped, small and cheap. Unrecognisable. Still, that was easily remedied, that degree of escape at least, he unbuckled her seatbelt and carried her out, into the house like she weighed nothing. Compared to this, she honestly didn't, the blanket he covered her with once he placed her on the sofa seemed heavier, equipped for a chill that shouldn't exist, and he knew didn't, anywhere else.* Rio: *Waking up, not knowing how she got here, or when she passed out. Not out of the ordinary back in the day but so very, very wrong now. How could she sleep when she didn't know where her baby was? How she was? Why wasn't her body keeping her awake, sheer instinct, if nothing else? The need to protect overriding any exhaustion and agony, mental and physical. Clearly, she wasn't the Mother everyone painted her to be, that she'd allowed herself to think she was, could be.* What time is it? *It had to be late, it was dark. She must've slept all day. What a useless fucking bitch.* Buster: *He'd kept himself busy, forcing himself into being not just present, but extra attentive while Rio couldn't be. Buster told himself that it wasn't selfish (for once) reasoning that drove him, leaving water beside her rather than tea that'd sit untouched until it was cold, he knew, or coffee that'd leave a sour taste in her mouth. But he wasn't no saint, even now, and if he could be honest if only in his own head, it hurt to look at her. Like this. So he arranged for Jay to be collected and kept overnight before she could take a step over the threshold, barely a fucking reprieve, obviously, but he was trying. Had to. Got other shit done he'd been putting off, leaning hard into the legal jargon, until his eyes blurred but nothing else would. Of fucking course. He'd been making dinner, a recipe firmly in mind, he'd swear, when he heard her and dropped the salad tongs without registering that sound. * Late. Rio: *She nodded, shrugging a 'sorry' his way too for good measure, mouth too dry to attempt any more words than she'd managed there. Voice cracked, broken from the effort that was frankly subpar at best, piss poor if they were being honest and there was no room for any more lies. Especially from her. How was he going to believe her on anything ever again? How was she? That was broken too. She was. The idea that they might be was one too far. She started sobbing, again. Broken record. She was already sick of it so god knows he was. Rio tried to do it silently, as if he wasn't also sneaky surreptitious glances at her that hurt her heart, making her feel as fragile as the look betrayed he reckoned she was now. Not wrong, again. Fuck. Another realisation hitting, how had she been allowed to sleep so long, and why was it so quiet? Panic like a lightning bolt jolting her up and over to him, freakishly fast, desperate.* Where's Jay? Buster: *He nodded himself, a gesture towards the full glass, offering her a drink without having to actually say it. How was he meant to tell her to do anything again, after this? He'd said to do it, giving her the go ahead of something he knew was wrong. And for what, so her brother and his boyfriend could be the only ones all smiles? Fuck that. His jaw clenched, which he felt, pre-ache, while he gripped the counter top with a force he didn't yet. Braced. For whatever. Or so he'd reckoned, until the tears came and proved him not remotely ready for it. The instinct to say 'Don't' was swallowed, thank Christ, but managed to stick painfully in his throat anyway. A hard lump. Burning eyes which he blamed tiredness for rubbing as he reproached himself with the sort of harsh words he'd never aim anywhere else. The silence was even more deafening 'cause it wasn't total now, punctuated by sounds from her. Heartbreaking for how quiet they were, despite the pain that they came from being anything but. Buster tried to shake himself out of this shit, springing out of the rut so it'd change shape. Let it be big enough for two, he owed her that, for everything he'd said and hadn't. Where he'd stopped but not properly drawn a line. Been a pussy. Worse than.* At a sleepover. Better social life than any of us these days, like. *It shook him how normal his voice sounded compared to the hours of internal monologue that'd gone on and on as Rio slept. He was about to shrug, feed that lie that this was a typical scene on another day, but his jaw clinked. A reminder that it wasn't. The wake up call he needed.* If you need me to get her back for you, I can do it. *Blue eyes locked on green. He didn't mean Jay and they both knew it.* Rio: *Rio tried to convince herself that the sleepover was a pre-planned thing, like Jay had been buzzing about it for ages but that was a load of shit and it stung like the slap in the face it was. Another failing. She truly didn't need anymore but she just kept letting them pile up and up; going for a world record, like? She was about to protest, say that he should've let her come Home, and she could've gone...somewhere else. God fucking knew she couldn't face her Mother and Father right now, how she would ever alluding her heartbroken brain too but she'd have found somewhere to curl up and die. She was about to argue her case when he said it. Making confident eye contact, his voice not wavering one octave. Like it was easy. Like it was right. Like she should. She shook her head, taking several steps back, wary.* Don't. Don't fucking say that. Buster: *This shit had him up against the ropes, trapped like nothing else, but he was still himself. Had to be. There was no retreating and staying fucking catatonic for him. Ever. He didn't blame her for trying it, like, wouldn't ever, but Buster McKenna would die fighting his corner. And this was it. What mattered. Rio could tell him that there was no going back, but he knew the only way that was true was if he backed down. Again.* Don't say it ain't what you want. Or that it can't be done. If me and Chlo could co-parent for fucking years, they could deal with you having your kid. It's not like they'd never see her, is it? Demi's got rights, same as you. *He paused to take a deep breath. *Junior'll still be a parent, like you are to Jay. And Kira. Rio: Of course it is, I know how fucking obvious it is to see, but it doesn't matter what I want! *She stared at him, disbelief and pure fury that he was here acting like this were a possibility when it wasn't. It was cruel, unbelievably so, couldn't he see that? Head back to shaking like she was a fucking nodding dog, such a yes woman all of a sudden changing her tune.* They didn't sign up for that. I made a promise and I have to keep my end of it. Legally, yeah, there was no contract, just the exchange of money on a promise, so I see where your brain has gone already but do you think I wanna drag my own Brother through the Courts because I can't keep to my fucking word? *She raises her hands to say 'Well? What's your response now?' because how could she?* I don't know how I'm going to live with this hurt but I'm going to have to. I can't be that bitch, can I? How selfish would I have to be to wish this on Junior? Jesus! Buster: *He couldn't remember the last time he was this angry, or allowed to be. But neither of his daughters were in earshot tonight and of all there was to lose, self control was the least of it.* Bullshit. *He spat the word out like it actually tasted bad. *That's all that matters, Rio. Fuck's sake! *It was impossible to stare back at her with everything he could see in hers when their eyes met, but harder still to look away. Fuck. *Erin didn't sign up for me cheating on and knocking her up, but things happen, yeah? Nothing has to be set in stone. Especially when you can't promise me that your plan is any fucking better. *God he needed a drink. Or to hit something. Maybe both.* It wouldn't get that far, you know that. Junior loves you and if he loves that baby at all he isn't gonna behave like Chlo. He ain't that bitch. *Frustration kept building and he finally pinched the bridge of his nose (not bleeding but it might as well be if they traded any more 'punches') hard enough to focus himself for at least a second. A breath. *Oh, fuck off! He was happy to let you play Auntie for the rest of the kid's life, why is it selfish for him to stay at uncle. Rio: *She rolls her eyes. No doubt would make him madder than he already was but they were past the point of doing and saying, (or holding back from), things to keep the other happy in this moment.* To you maybe but not to anyone else. Sorry I'm not all that fun right now, give me a day at least, fucking hell, like. *Certain that would pack the desired K.O. punch, relying on it honestly because she needed him to stop talking because the more he talked the more she wanted to say 'yeah, you're right, let's do this'. If she let herself agree, to say what she wanted to say, to do what she wanted to do, there would be no going back. She had to hold it together, stop it from happening and it was so unfair because she had never been weaker than now and she had to be the strong one, for everyone's sake. As fucking per. No rest for the wicked, yeah? Rio was trying hard not to listen, it was about all she could do, aside from walking away and they both knew she had nowhere the fuck to be or go. Of course, weren't that easy, head snapping back to him from down at her nails, (like she was so bored and nonplussed), when he mentioned Junior.* Because- that. was. the. agreement. Get it through your thick head, please! It's not as if they've actually snatched her, even if that's how it feels. It isn't selfish because I sat there for nine months smiling and acting like it was what I wanted, you can't blame them, no matter how hard you try. This is my fault, Buster. And I have to deal with that. Buster: Fuck you. *There was a tone of voice he finally recognised, all bullshit he'd just tried to call out stripped away, not just fitting the situation but refusing to diffuse it. He poured himself a measure of whiskey and downed it, slamming the empty glass down without offering her anything, or saying anything else at all. Just as well 'cause he was wasting his breath. He heard that loud and clear. Time for her to get a dose of the same truth, he loved her, really fucking much, but he couldn't do this, what she was insisting she was going to. The 9 months that had just gone by was one kind of tightrope, he'd run the length of it for her gladly, would again without question. But what she was asking (no, just telling him, like) here and now? There was no outrunning that, he was fucking struggling to keep pace already and there wasn't going to be a finishing line. Not until it finished them.* Deal with it then. *It was almost a whisper, the quiet murmur in stark contrast to his before. How quiet it seemed once he got himself to move further than the drinks cabinet, despite the fact he was basically blowing his life up, as he knew and wanted it. Then what, turning his back on the pieces? Yeah. He gave her a glare that said both 'don't wait up for me' and 'don't come after me', insisting with every step he took to the front door without looking back.* I ain't nothing but a selfish cunt, yeah? Looks like there's nothing left in common, sorry babe. Rio: *It wasn't like him to walk away. To not give her the chance to say her piece, and to say his back, and on and on until they resolved it, or got sick of arguing, basically. That's why it was so scary. Fucking terrifying. Meant to sit here and watch him walk out on her, yeah? Fuck that. Surprising herself with how able she was to move, able to shout and scream when just moments ago she could only just croak out a sentence. She wasn't fully aware of, or in control, of what she was saying, hence she was able to be so contradictory and not feel any shame in it.* Really? Really? You're fucking leaving me, now?! Fine, go then, fuck off, go on! *And in the same breath-* Buster, please, please don't! Come back, I'm sorry, I love you! Don't go! *Words and the sentiment behind them a rushed, panicked and angry mess, leaving her at the front door, shut in her face, him on the other side, God knows where. And God only knew if he was coming back for her, ever. Pressing her forehead on the cool glass, the slid down, 'til she was on her knees, a fucking sobbing state on the floor. Too late to pray now, girl.*