#and tell me I need to fix myself
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someone said thinking abt their fictional blorbo helps them sleep at night and same
this app genuinely makes me feel less lonely
#blue for thought#fictional crushes#idk sometimes I just feel like no one will ever love all of me#even my gf#When my parents see my scars from picking they basically just call me ugly#and tell me I need to fix myself#I don’t wanna imagine what they’d do if they saw my scars from cutting#also sick of feeling even more alone after venting to my gf sometimes like lowkey some of my friends listen better 🫢#ultimately ik it’s up to me to get better#but lately I don’t wanna focus on that#I just want a hug 😫🫂#I hate feeling like the bigger person in my relationship like I’ve protected my gf from harm before#but would she do the same for me?#im not sure but my blorbo would 😌
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i feel like poolverine easily could’ve been one of those “they’re flirty but it’s mostly unserious” situations, and for most of the movie yeah they were extremely gay, but wade’s been like that with other guys and it was never treated as a serious type of relationship before. they’re willing to die for each other, but even then the romantic aspect of their relationship could be glossed over because it’s a superhero movie, that’s just what they do, and they’re working together to save a whole timeline—it’s not just about them. but then the movie doesn’t end with them saving the day and moving on. i think this’s really the part that sells poolverine as a genuine relationship to me… logan’s leaving, and wade calls for him. he can’t stand to let him go. then he introduces him to his family, and logan stays. he doesn’t really need to stay, but they’ve both decided they’re better off with one another than without
#don’t get me wrong#wade and vanessa are going to end up back together again if there’s ever another deadpool movie#and then he’ll lose her again for whatever reason#because that’s just how it goes#ignore the fact that logan tells wade to talk to vanessa and i’d be convinced that the ending was supposed to imply them being canon tbh#not gonna delude myself into believing poolverine will ever be genuinely and seriously canon#but shippingwise#i think this’s why i’ve latched onto poolverine despite some of the similarities between cable & logan#with cable it was never gonna be serious#despite it being fun to ship them and enjoy their dynamic#but#with logan… storywise… it makes so much sense for them to be endgame#they both were at terrible points in their lives and really needed each other#not just to fix each other’s problems. but they needed someone who was so on their own level that they could fix each other#not in a healthy way. but#yknow#anyway#idk i’m kinda rambling about nothing here#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool#wolverine#wade wilson#logan#um#logan howlett#<- ….i guess#poolverine#deadclaws
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"Minthara is so abusive to the player" *INCORRECT BUZZER NOISE*
Minthara would literally go to fucking hell for the opportunity to personally beat the absolute shit out of the person who actually did abuse you. She will throw hands with gods and devils just to avenge you.
And you will not be able to convince her not to.
#bg3#baldur's gate#minthara#minthara baenre#evil murder kitten#when i'm having a bad day - i just remind myself that minthara would definitely have some things to say about my parents#i would literally have to hold her back from knocking their lights out#well... id hold her back from one of them. she can have free reign of the other#all you gotta do is whisper a name - and babygurl is gonna go fix it#within 48 - 72 hours - your abuser will go missing under mysterious circumstances#and you do not even need to tell her to do this#she will do everything she can to ensure you can sleep at night knowing your abuser is gone#and can never touch you again#and if you still have doubts - just remember that she made an oath (a divine vow) *to you*#in which she will never harm you nor allow harm to come to you#and to quite literally seek vengeance against all those who have harmed you#ya'll can miss me with your minthara hatecanons and your poorly misunderstood readings of her and the comments taken outta context
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perhaps the most important question i’ve ever asked:
does anyone have tips for people trying to stop being chronically late to everything in the world that aren’t weirdly judgmental and aggressive or flat out lies
#when i tell you every single resource i’ve ever found or tried to get through or anyone i’ve ever asked#has been just so. mean about it#not even intentionally#not always at least#but there’s so much inherent shame tied to being late to things or being a person who used to be late to things#that i don’t think people can untie that from their ‘helpful tips’#it’s all ‘i used to also be a lazy uncaring piece of shit! you don’t have to be a horrible wretched loser anymore!’ and it’s like. okay.#you see how that’s not helping. right.#making me feel worse about it is NEVER helpful. i promise you i already have tortured myself over it FARRR more than any ‘on time’ person#ever had#this has been a comic i’ve been stewing on for ages as well but. well there’s of course the shame#idk it’s something that people are always despicably mean about bc fundamentally people who have never struggled with it#see it as a personal choice to be late#and as something one needs to just ‘try harder’ to fix. and that if you don’t#you inherently don’t care about other people’s time or even other people in general#and that feels horrible! it feels really bad!!#i mean i’ve got it from EVERYONE. disability allies. other adhd folks. disability resource offices#it’s something that nobody ever cares to acknowledge or try to accommodate for#bc time blindness and exec dysfunction are NEVER taken seriously as disabilities. they’re always always viewed as a personal failing#and i’m sick and tired of it. bc all this does is make people struggling with this Hate themselves#and worry endlessly that maybe they Are selfish and actually Don’t care about anyone else#there’s a bit too much here to keep in the tags i should really do the comic for adhd awareness month
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dipping my foot into the fandom with some outfits for they :)
#batman#tim drake#cassandra cain#stephanie brown#ough posting arts everyones favorite and hitting it off with such bangers as contextless lineups :thumbsups: i have to force myself to actu#tully draw them someonhow. otherwise id just imagine drawing them for the 100000ths time. its fun tho :))#(nno you cant totally tell its my first time drawing them)#anyhow just some notes cause i like sharing!#forever torn about casses clothes because i am at war with if shed only wear practical clothing with no excees clothing to always be prepar#d for a fight or to go with more comfy clothes because shes finally free and settling in with the reality that she dosent always need to fi#ht#stephs a bit to pastel but i think she should get to have fun she needs it my babygirl is unwell probably but im sure a cute shirt and funk#bracelets will fix her#also please apprictae tims shitty tshirt its so silly to me#also yes skating protective gear and while i think he also wouldnt use them its also so funny to me so like fight me you know#anyhow!#the giirrrllllsss (plus tim)
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The weather this morning was pleasant and below 25ºc for the first time in months!! so we went thrifting, here are our finds!! I can't wait to style them for autumn 😊
#Nips photos#personal#SOON 🍁🍂🍁🍂#I can't wait for this summer to end#it's been a really bad one with eveything that happened I really need a fresh start I feel so stuck#autumn will fix me I tell myself#nips blogs
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Luffy not knowing about Zoro promising Sanji to kill him if he ever ends up losing himself makes me go feral because that's something they can only know about. Because Zoro's respect for life and death goes beyond anything, and Sanji knows he understands. Sanji knows that if somebody has to kill him, it's him.
And I don't even think it's because Sanji assumes Zoro's opinion of him is hatred and it would hurt less for him to do this, but because Sanji knows only Zoro would be able to treat the promise as it is. Because he would put Sanji's wishes before any feelings he has for him. It's not that Zoro doesn't care, but I think he respects people's ideals and decisions to the extent of being able to kill Sanji if he so desires.
That being said, he'd do it if there's no other way to fix it. If it's either dying or living as an emotionless machine, which is the same as dying for Sanji, Zoro would fulfill his promise. And there is just... Something about Luffy not knowing. Their captain. The man they're devoted to the most as if he were their God. Luffy doesn't know. It's something only the captain's wings are aware of and the thought of these two keeping this from Luffy until the end is just insane. Not even trying to make it romantic here, but the bond and respect these two have for each other is crazy.
Maybe it's the poetry of it all, too. Somebody like Zoro, who has looked at Death in her face multiple times and said "no", ending Sanji's life, who wants to give in to death to not experience a fate worse than death for him.
#bean posting zosan this is so rare and weird don't get used to it sweeties#kind of tired of people jumping to extremes with these two btw like-#they don't hate each others but they're also not best friends-- respect is something they value even more than those things#they're not good for my mental health they make me go insane#this wasn't meant to be in a shippy way but idk if you wanna see it as romantic you do you bc it could def be#it depends on my mood#i consider myself a zosan shippers on random days#you could also say sanji thinks zoro doesn't give a fuck about him and that's why he tells him bc we know this guy's self-worth is awful#but i also like to think it's because zoro's views on life and death are exactly what sanji needs#luffy would try to look for a way to fix this and they others wouldn't be able to do it tbh#i mean if it ever got too serious i think luffy could do it but do you really think sanji's gonna make him go through that#if zoro has to die he wants to die by luffy's hand but if sanji has to die he wants to die without involving their captain#idk if that makes sense okay i haven't slept at all tbf#one piece#black leg sanji#roronoa zoro#zosan
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I AM A GROWN ADULT
#i shout at myself#while reading mean things teenagers say about my stories on the internet#i mean tbf they could not be teenagers idk#i know better#but when someone tells me people are talking shit i just cannot help myself#and then i read it and im like#ah yes#i am still#*delicate*#just checking#lol it's fine#they are right about the spelling errors#also the fact that i didn't know how to italicize on ao3#i REALLY need to fix that#okay well#that's enough humbling for one day#i do think it is wild tho that these are other creators in this space full out trashing people's work#like don't u know tho? can youu not sympathize?#ANYWAY IT"S FINE#soph rambles#choices
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@stanuary Week Two: Connection
dropped call
#gravity falls#stanley pines#stan pines#stanuary#fex draws#id in alt text#i keep telling myself it's serious crunch time and i need to keep these pieces simple#and then i go into a trance and spend an hour just lining all the details on a payphone#at least there's no last minute too-late-too-fix mistakes i can spot on this one lmao#(if you see any don't tell me)
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Finished watching S2 of Earthspark and-
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED
#like honestly it’s a mixed bag#there are things i liked#BUT GOD WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THE ENTIRETY OF DIFFERENT MESSAGES THAT WAS IN S1?????#‘oh y’know cause they’re Cons’ EXCUSE ME????#WHAT HAPPENED TO THE ANIMATION????? IT WAS TOP TIER ROTTMNT AND MONKIE KID TYPE ANIMATION AND NOW IT LOOKS WONKY#like there are good scenes with wonderful animations but most the season feels hafl cooked#ALSO HASHTAG OF ALL FUCKING TERRANS TO TELL STARTSCREAM THAT HES WORSE THAN MEGATRON????? THE FUCK??????#*whispering to myself over and over like a maniac* i can fix this season i can fix it i can fucking fix it i need to fix it i can fix it#earthspark spoilers#anothers ramble
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how do people even find partners. i dont want a bullshit answer, like really
#maybe im intimidating but no one has been interested in me#its just. rough#and i cant force myself to like anyone romantically if i dont feel compatability#i just want to be cared about in an exclusive way that friendship alone cant fix#i dont post abt this often but i got no sleep so yall gotta deal#its um. crushing sometimes#i dont even know if im aro as cope. once i did THC im more emotionallt aware and its. haha#the people around me tell me things that make me feel like im a catch and i feel it myself but NO ONE has advanced#and ive only felt attracted to one person in my life. who was taken ofc#im not sure it wouldve worked out good though anyway since im more emotionally mature#but it was because he expressed genuine care towards me and made me feel good about myself in honest ways i havent heard from anyone#and made me feel important to him#so im really at a loss#and also our conversations flow really smooth and we agree on many things that we find important#are there any extroverts that confidently wear their hearts on the sleeves and try to bring joy that want me#someone sensitive to my needs#my needs of which are actually very very basic#hi
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what did i do to deserve this? why do you all hate me?
just tell me so i can finaly fix myself and stop being such a terrible person
please dont just say "no you didnt do anything" "we dont hate you" because it isnt true and youre just wasting breath on a lost cause.
#who am i kidding#somebody could tell me exactly what i needed to fix about myself and i would just be too lazy to do it#even if i knew it meant i would only hurt other people#THATS WHAT HAPPENED WITH HER DIDNT IT#she left me because i refused to help myself and she was tired of trying to fix me
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Weekend plans:
Download the BG3 update
Romance wife again
Feeeeeeeesh
Finish a WIP I'm working on so I can do a fun lil 'concept vs final result'
And now the realistic plan:
Download BG3 update
Spend the next 48h simping hard for morally dubious drow women and being gay
#im still just so down bad for minthy#like yeah gort nd durgetash is cool but if i could have one for myself?#its her#no question#11/10 perfect girlfriend#i just need her to throw me over her shoulder and id be fixed#that would for sure fix me#bg3#though lets be real jason isaacs voice just goes way to hard too#everyone always tells u being bi is nice cuz ur into every kinda cake you see#nah man im miserable theres so many cakes and i crave all of em carnally#also larian ik ur done with bg3 but if i may#if you could get a few vas back for your next thing#preferably those who r currently being morally 'grey' to say the least#id sell my soul to u yk
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Ven please, I'm begging you to go to therapy. Your posts hurt me so much cause I recognize myself and people I've loved in them and I always wanna say smth to make you feel better but I know from experience that that only helps for a little while or doesn't help at all or can even make things worse. But you don't have to suffer like this forever!! You can get better and there is help!! And as a fellow pmdd sufferer you can get help with that too. Idk how you feel about medication but going on birth control continuously so you never have periods or using antidepressants or mood stabilizers just for the two nightmare weeks after ovulation can help so much. Please please please I worry about you and I know you can have a good life if you get help! you're beautiful and creative and you have everything you need you just have to figure out how to access it and use it and I know you can do it. I know your F/Os would want you to and I know your future real life S/Os who are waiting for you would want you to too. You deserve to be happy instead of feeling like a ghost all the time.
Thank you anon I appreciate the concern, feel a little bit embarrassed about oversharing now but you know what...sometimes you just have to say it out loud somewhere. As you would know the nature of the disorder means there's often not much that can be done in terms of talking myself out of the way it feels cause biology is so (detrimentally) overpowering and intensifies other mental health issues and generally all pre-existing negative feelings about ones' existence. The ghost analogy is apt and I've often used this to describe how I relate to life and connecting with others. now idk if I can overcome myself and thrive but maybe I could switch some things up and see if it makes it suck a little less
I was on ssris constantly for years previously (edit: and therapy on and off) before I stopped taking them but your ask has me considering intermittent dosing even if I dislike the side effects just to see what happens. I thought I could just grit my teeth and bare it (put myself to sleep between being wracked by ugly crying as I cannot stand being conscious in my own mind) every month in lieu of meds but maybe I can't rawdog slog through dark funhouse mirror evil pmdd reality on my own/shouldn't feel that I have to in order to not "lose"
I was very touched by your reaching out and compassionately disagreeing with me (lol) and it means a lot from another person with pmdd. It helps to think someone out there sees the value in me as I am right now, and that someone else is also fighting their own good fight. When you said I have everything I need I just have to figure out how to access it and use it and you know I can do it you sound just like my grandma. (<3)
#ik my f/os would probs be lowkey SICK!!! of dealing with my unstable self every month when I become neurotic and need them to tell me#that they actually wouldn't prefer to break up with me and find someone easier to deal with. that they actually do find me easy 2 love. etc#the brainfog. the fatigue. the plummeting mood lows. the sensitivity/agitation. the walls closing in. 🙄#ig the best imagine I could hope for is that they also track my cycle and try and distract me in positive ways#and just be patient and understanding and kind. even w the sadness and rejection sensitivity and low self worth :')#also I'm scared of what if I do all strategies and I still cannot make something of myself. I still have mental health issues. forever.#would I still be worthy of being loved? Would someone still choose me? lol...anyways#or what if it wasn't pmdd or depression or something. what if it all gets fixed and I still get nowhere. then it's just Me that's unworthy#anyway prozac probs beats lying in bed non stop thinking I should have kms'd when I was 15 and saved myself all this trouble lol#tw suicidal ideation#tw periods
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I literally feel like I'm dying and I need to see a doctor, but I can't worry about that right now because
My bank account is literally in the negatives because I'm too disabled to work and can't make money but I can't worry about that right now because
I'm months overdue on getting my car new tags, but it won't even start if I could drive it so I need to jump the battery and get gas which I don't have money for, but I can't worry about that right now because
People are still expecting me to be social across numerous friend groups and it's pulling me in so many directions that I'm stretched so thin I'm running on no social battery for the last month, but I can't worry about that right now because
I still need to actually clean the house, do the dishes, clean the cat litter boxes, vacuum, and do my laundry... but I can't worry about that right now because
I still need to actually set up my new desk so I can stream since I haven't been able to do that for weeks and streaming is unfortunately my only source of income for how little I make every month, but I can't worry about that right now because
My partner is going through a really hard time right now and I need to be there for her and do what I can to make sure she's okay.
#People like me don't make it man. We just don't.#I'm hyper dependent on others to the point where I'd be homeless without my partner#I'm stressed day in and day out I get messages from people who want me to play games or hang out or just chat and I can't even#find the time to respond because I have 12 other things I need to be doing and those 12 other things aren't getting done because#every single thing I need to do is preventing me from doing something else and at the end of it all my health is getting worse and worse#and as it gets worse it costs more to fix and I can't get on disability without paying for a lawyer with money I literally do not have#and I'm losing it I'm literally going insane I'm pissed off because I see people blame the country I live in or the circumstances I'm in#and they act like they can't do anything and it'd be wrong of me to ask them for help#and I know when I die (and at this point it won't be long) they're going to act like this is the fault of america or some shit#they're not going to think about how they could have helped#and it sucks because some of my friends DO try to help they really do and I love them for it but it's so hard for me to see people#who don't make much money and who are also in tough situations throwing what they can at me to help me when I know people who have so much#they spend it frivolously on luxuries and I want to strangle them but then I'm not owed anything so it's not my place to tell them how#to spend their money or live their life.#and I'm tired man I'm so fucking tired I can't even stay awake for a few hours before I am too exhausted to sit upright anymore#I pass out and find myself without energy before I've even done anything and I'm only 29.
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HOW DO YOU WRITE NOKRON WHILE ROGIER'S ALIVE
#a#AAAAAAAAAAAAA#oh gooood why am i doing this to myself#god damn it#u try to make a fix it fic but u have no idea how to even fix some things#im too dumb for this#keep in mind: THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A LINGUISTIC MISCOMMUNICATION FIC WHY IS THERE PLOT NOW#gripping my head so hard#brain... tell me the answers..... cmon....#if this comes up in tag do not mind me at all#envelop rambles#maybe i need less plo t.... jst a little less...#what do you mean i have to figure out the whole thing with deeproot depths and drvin what the fuck d you mean i
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