#and teenage me was of the opinion that if I had to socialize with my mom's boyfriend I should be bribed with pie

[tj-crochets]

What if you crocheted the cigar? Would that help the size problem? My brain is thinking: MR 6, INC 6, (SC, INC) 6 and then just SC to length and then color change to grey or red for the cigar end?

Depending on the yarn, you could get a nice texture to the cigar too.

Crocheting the cigar is definitely an option, and depending on the scale I was going for that's pretty much the pattern I was thinking too, I just have to admit I know nothing about cigars or what their texture usually is lol

[cartierre]

BRUTAL OUT HERE | op81

SOCIAL MEDIA!AU oscar piastri x fem!singer!reader (fc: olivia rodrigo)

side note: the way i used to dislike oscar and now i'm so immensely proud of what he's achieved is crazy. what a character arc of me.

♡ liked by conangray, oscarpiastri, sabrinacarpenter and 238,495 others

yourusername i am beyond the moon happy and proud to announce that my debut album is out now in store and on all music platforms! having worked on this for so long, it feels like seeing my little child grow up 🫶🏻 my team and i invested a lot of time and effort into this and i'm insanely excited for you to experience it. let me hear your thoughts and opinion on this! 💜

view all 7,293 comments

user1 JUST LISTENED TO IT AND I AM NOT OKAY

user2 the way this captures the spirit of being a teenage girl so well ⤷ user3 she literally took my feelings and put it into words it's incredible

conangray i'm so proud of my babygirl comment liked by yourusername ⤷ yourusername ah stop! you helped me so much in the process, huge huge thank you for supporting me 🫶🏻😭 ⤷ user4 i love y/n's and conan's friendship so so much!

oscarpiastri 💜🖤 ⤷ user5 OSCAR?

♡ liked by conangray, landonorris, oscarpiastri and 201,394 others

tagged: conangray

yourusername the last few weeks have been absolutely crazy! i've recieved so much love and positive feedback for 'SOUR' ... i can't even describe how loved and appreciated i feel. i love you guys so much!

view all 6,283 comments

user6 you deserve this so much!! your music makes me feel so many emotions, it's incredible

user7 can't believe how far you've come! been listening to your solos for so long and now you have a whole album aaahh ⤷ user8 remember when she used to upload covers on youtube?

oscarpiastri insanely proud! comment liked by yourusername

user9 oscar is being a bit suspicious these days i don't trust him ⤷ user10 lando is also liking sooo something is brewing in the paddock for sure

♡ liked by conangray, madisonbeer, oscarpiastri and 302,183 others

yourusername my first performance here in melbourne (my hometown) felt so fucking special i'm in tears from how amazing you guys were! my official tour dates are coming soon!

view all 8,283 comments

user11 is it true that you and oscar are childhood friends ⤷ user12 what if they're dating ⤷ user13 what if sour is actually about him?

conangray ahhh i'm so proud of my bestie! comment liked by yourusername ⤷ yourusername couldn't have done it without your pep talk

user14 someone said sour is about oscar and y/n's former relationship? ⤷ user15 is this confirmed?

oscarpiastri what an amazing show 💜 comment liked by yourusername

♡ liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri, sabrinacarpenter and 328,283 others

tagged: oscarpiastri, landonorris

yourusername cat's out of the bag thanks to this dingus

view all 8,094 comments

user16 no because it's kinda sweet they revealed their relationship during oscar's homerace (even if it was accidental) ⤷ user17 and her having had her first concert a week ago in melbourne as well (which he attended) like since when is melbourne so romantic like that

oscarpiastri i already told you i'm really really sorry ⤷ yourusername save your apology and gimme a kiss

landonorris great so now i see your annoying asses in real life AND on social media ⤷ yourusername haters gonna hate

user18 but... i wanna know who the album is about then ⤷ user19 real like babes let us knoooowwww

user20 i love childhood friends to lovers aaahh comment liked by yourusername

[katakaluptastrophy]

I want to continue pushing my 'Magnus Quinn wasn't actually a terrible swordfighter' agenda.

Obviously, he wasn't on the same level as professional duelists Babs or Pro, or soldiers Marta or Jean. He was a guy who did some kind of fencing in high school and then picked it up again in his 30s, presumably with some degree of seriousness.

When Gideon joins the other cavaliers in the training room, Magnus and Jean are sparring. He jokes about how badly Jean is beating him, but he must have some degree of competence for aspiring soldier Jean to find him worth training with. Babs then mocks him for getting beaten by a teenager and Magnus jokes, describes himself as "absolutely no good", and praises Jean's abilities...before giving Babs such a death glare he gets obviously embarrassed.

It's worth bearing in mind that there's some degree of tension between the Third and the Fifth. Babs will have know Magnus since he was small and has almost certainly seen him fight before. But the Fifth, their relationship, and the relative freedom that Magnus has to not be a perfect fighter (because his necromancer values him as a human being) is clearly something that rankles the Third. In TUG, when Ianthe talks about Babs, she explicitly references Abigail and Magnus. And what's interesting is that she makes a comparison not just between Abigail's husband-with-a-sword and her perfect tool to be moulded and used, but also to Corona's aspirations to swordcraft:

IANTHE (Playing a card) She’s not here, so let me be fully honest, Sextus: my sister is not a swordswoman. She loves to wear big boots and wave a sword around, and she looks wonderful doing it, but her actual competence … well, put it this way: she’d lose to Magnus Quinn.

PALAMEDES Magnus Quinn was a cavalier primary.

IANTHE No, I mean Magnus Quinn now.

There's...a lot...to unpack here: the comparison of Corona to the husband-cavalier is intriguing in and of itself on a psychosexual level, as is the contradiction between Ianthe and Corona's own versions of Corona's competence. But Palamedes' response is also interesting, suggesting that Magnus was up to an acceptable standard for a cavalier, which Ianthe's joking response seems to back up.

So Babs' rudeness towards Magnus and Jean may have a lot to do with the internal dynamics of his own necromancer-cavalier relationship and not necessarily be an accurate reflection of Magnus' abilities.

Likewise, Judith's comment in the Cohort Intelligence Files that the Fifth is 'undoubtedly chagrined" to have "schoolboy fighter" Magnus representing them had to be read against the fact that we know from the Sermon on Necromancers and Cavaliers by Second House stooge M. Bias that the Cohort has a very low opinion of unranked "social cavaliers". And Judith Deuteros may have her own reasons for being disdainful of a cavalier who is so...cavalier...about his intimate relationship with his adept.

Magnus' own self-deprecating comment on his ability is:

"I didn’t get to be cavalier primary due to being the best with a rapier. I’m cavalier primary only because my adept is also my wife. I suppose you could say that I—ha, ha—cavalier primarried!”

But again, there's a difference between becoming cavalier primary because you're the best sword fighter and getting up to a vaguely competent level once you've become cavalier primary (guys in their 30s with high powered jobs tend to be scarily into their hobbies...) He is definitely the worst cavalier there (or would be, if Pro were actually alive), but on a general standard he probably isn't as terrible as people like to joke.

Another important bit of context here is that all of his comments about his own ability occur in the context of Corona trying to get him to fight Gideon. The shy, silent 18 year old from the cult planet whose practice of cavaliership is generally acknowledged to mostly consist of carrying buckets of bones.

She gets paired with Magnus because they assume she's not going to be much of a fighter and Magnus - neither a professional duelist nor a soldier - would therefore be the fairest opponent. Magnus is clearly uncomfortable. And Gideon is certainly Intimidating. But when you consider that most of his previous interactions with her have been trying to coax her out of her shell and clearly feeling rather sorry for her, his comments take on a bit of a different tone.

Does Magnus worry Corona has dragged along this poor kid out of interest or curiosity, and that she's going to be humiliated and never want to interact with them again? As Corona says “Come—Gideon the Ninth, right?—why don’t you try Sir Magnus instead? Don’t believe him when he says he’s rubbish. The Fifth House is meant to turn out very fine cavaliers," Magnus is politely dissembling, telling exactly the sort of jokes that would appeal to a teenager.

As everyone else mocks or is intrigued by Gideon's knuckle-knives, Magnus is trying to look her in the eye through her sunglasses, bewildered that she doesn't know to take off her robes or glasses to fight and then...suddenly realising that she is dead serious and perhaps he has dramatically underestimated her.

After his defeat, we hear him saying to Jean "I'm not quite that out of form, am I?". Gideon's abilities were totally unexpected: she severely tests a top duelist like Babs, and Magnus is surprised to be beaten in three moves. That suggests he's been holding his own rather more comprehensively in previous sparring.

And while he certainly wasn't up to Gideon's standard, he may have managed to draw his sword before Cytherea took him out...

[softspiderling]

rafe cameron ˚｡𖦹☆°‧⋆

જ⁀➴ social media aus

ocean blue eyes ➵ you’re thirsting over rafe, rafe is just trying to get your attention and sarah is right in the middle of it all

જ⁀➴ fics

think you're a genius (you drive me up the wall) ➵ it wouldn't be an outer banks party if there wasn't at least one fist fight. also, rafe is trying to turn over a new leaf.

catch me or i go (houdini) ➵ rafe witnesses a skilled burglar in the middle of the burglary. also, he can’t quiet seem to stop putting his foot in his mouth when it comes to you.

and i wish you wouldn't wait for me, but you always do ➵ everyone thinks Rafe refuses to commit to a relationship, even though you're the one with cold feet.

so obsessed with your ex ➵If Rebecca had known that her obsession with you would lead to you and Rafe getting back together, she would've done a whole lot different.

god, it's brutal out here ➵5 times your friends share their unsolicited opinions about your and Rafe’s break up.

જ⁀➴ series

illicit affairs ➵ Rafe, Kelce, Topper and you. For as long as you could remember, the four of you have been inseparable. For as long as you could remember, you were also in love with your best friend, Rafe. You always told yourself that it was a teenage thing, that you'd grow out of it, and for most of the time, it felt like you could. Emphasis on most of the time.

જ⁀➴ drabbles

shoulders hunched over a chopping board, carefully dissecting fruit to deliver it to you in a bowl

are you two dating?

hands tangled in the same pocket

parental troubles

moth to a flame

take off my clothes

you can't always get what you want

soupgate

pick up the phone

paint the town red

[cleapallea]

ASTROLOGY: SOLAR RETURN (OBSERVATION) PART 2

master list + info about me

This is based on my personal readings; if you find this meaningful or helpful, then I hope you like it. If not, please let it fly 🗣️🍃.

Thank you so much, and have a nice day ahead! 

⋆ ᩍ ۪ Black moon Lilith in 12th house

Having this in your solar return chart makes you think about dying anytime, or there are some dark fantasies like $uicide or to kill anyone who hurts you, you want to hurt them back. Yes this is applicable for anyone. I have this in my solar return during year of 2022 . Promise, in that year, you easily influenced by your negative thoughts and emotions. It's not healthy. I lose my weight because of this. I suggest you to get yourself a pet (as your comforting friend) maybe a black and white cat (yin yang representations)

⋆ ᩍ ۪ Venus in 1st house

Yes, in that year I just received my teenage glow-up (lol). This is a placement where you naturally experience changes within your body, and you will realize them late. 😭 I swear, girl you only noticed them if people make some comments about them— either good or bad, maybe both. It always depends on the chart's relationship.

⋆ ᩍ ۪ Saggitarrius in fifth house

FAMOUS PLACEMENTS+ EXPLORING AND LEARNING

I'm not even joking. When I joined in a School club in that year, most people (or boys) knew me and wanted to be my friends. LoL

⋆ ᩍ ۪ Capricorn in sixth house

Good grades and a good school image. Nerdy placement. You might find yourself interested in joining any clubs, and participating in class discussions or any social activities. Yep :D 

⋆ ᩍ ۪ 7th house Pluto

Your opinions about relationships are typically bad, or you are attracted to bad guys. Lmao, I had this placement during that year. I got myself a lot of boyfriends, which is not healthy. (😭  Most women treat you as competition if that happens. You more likely appeared to be $lut for them)

⋆ ᩍ ۪ 10th house Aries

Gosh! this is it. YOU HAVE TO BE STRONG. Public is not for you this year. People might get intimidated by you. Don't give them permission to do it. If you have to fight go! but beware of bruises and cuts.

⋆ ᩍ ۪8th house aquarius with Saturn planet

You might find yourself restrict your own happiness and very giving (which is not healthy, I swear boys will use you through your emotions).

[drdemonprince]

The article regarding about annoying queer people sparked a by now long forgotten memory.

When I went to my first pride I snuck out secretly and thus was there after the parade. Most people were already some form of drunk or high(didn't know that at the time, I was 15 and naive beyond hope)

That was also the first time I saw puppies ever. In retrospect I must have stared and seemed like one of those annoying "no kink at pride" puriteens. They probably just wanted to allow themselves a small joke but what happened in praxis was, that a grown, white man in only puppy mask and boxers crawled up to me, stood up, started sniffing my breasts and when I started panicking and running away he run after me and everyone else watched and laughed. I think I screamed for help or cryed to please leave me be and was ignored but I can't remember much past the fear.

To them it was probably a small joke but to me it set me back for years. I didn't go to pride in that city ever again and took years to move past "no kink at pride" opinions, an opinion I didn't even have before that.

I felt incredibly isolated and wearing a small rainbow bracelet and cutting my hair took so much bravery. And it earned a lot of backlash too?

So often I see coloured hair and pins as this cutesy cringe thing of no consequence, but for me it resulted in hours upon of arguments and insults. It was worth it, because it helped me built my own identity apart from my families bigotry, but it sure wasn't fun or cutesy. Ultimately it led me to becoming brave enough to actually discover who I am and start making connections with the wider queer community.

Thankfully I had no social media accounts or I would have had some truly stupid arguments.

What I'm saying is, yes young queers can be annoying and it can be tiring to deal with them but being an asshole and vilifying them isn't the solution.

Making fun of teenagers doesn't make yourself more valid and doesn't give you the status of being an old experienced queer.

I'm saying teenagers here but the fun thing about queer people is that we can discover ourselves at any point in time. So it's less teenagers and more people newly discovering themselves as queer.

I get how annoying they can be very well now, doing voluntary work at pride does that.

Do many of those we consider annoying queers hold some harmful opinions? Yeah sure. (The amount of white queers, teens or adults, not dealing with systemic oppression beyond their own is staggering and they more than deserve to be called out. Just to be very clear, when I talk about annoying behaviour I do NOT mean microagressions or discrimination in any way)

But annoying behaviour is not synonymous to that and maybe we should all just start being less mean in public spaces? I get how satisfying it can be to get a hit tweet via a bitchy twitter reply now, but quite honestly I am more ashamed of that now than when I was running around in hoodies and short hair being painfully naive.

Because then I wasn't being mean to anyone. I had some stupid takes sure but no outlet. On twitter I was making fun of people to validate my own queer-ness. (Personally I think I was covering up for the fact that I was afraid the queer people I worked so hard to be part of wouldn't consider me one of their own. So I worked hard to show how I'm not one of "those queers".)

Either way, thanks for reading all this and thank you for sharing the article because it is something I strongly agree with. Just let people be annoying without making fun of them for it. It doesn't need to be a big deal.

Thank you for this wonderful, vulnerable, honest message about your slow path to self-acceptance in the face of a lot of barriers, anon. I'm glad that despite everything you've found your way.

Yeah, I think queer people have many reasons to feel terrified at the rising "no kink at pride" discourse, but sometimes when we lash out at puriteens we sound a bit like the childfree people who say that they hate kids?? Like, we're blaming literal children for an ideology of protecting "The Family" that has been foisted upon us.

I'm guilty of it. I was HAUNTED by the social pressure to get married and pregnant and raise a bunch of kids. It caused me massive dysphoria and didn't jibe with my queer identity. But I rebelled against it for far too long by saying that I hated kids.

It was not the kids' fault! It was the ideological specter of The Family as an institution that isolates and attacks all nonconformity and 'deviant' sexuality! Me being an asshole to children was not gonna set me free, kids were even more disinfranchised than I was!! I don't think I was ever overtly cruel to children, just kind of aloof and freaked out by them, but I definitely *did* say some numbskulled shit to my friends with kids a few times. Completely missing how disempowered mothers (and it was usually mothers) are in society BECAUSE of these same forces .

And I think something similar is going on here. Queer people are tired of having "Family Friendliness" shoved down our throats by corporations and conservatives, and so then we lash out... at young queer people. it's fine to have 18+ areas and events; It's very, very important to me that spaces like Furfest have them. But that's not the same thing as claiming young people have no space in our community as a whole. And I do think we need to erode the barriers between the adult and child worlds in a whole lot of ways, and reorient our attitudes toward nudity, sexuality, roleplaying, etc in public life. but that also doesn't mean a pup should run you out of a pride parade actually fucking sexually harassing you.

It feels great to be able to talk about this stuff! Thanks for your message.

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

since it's pride month, i want to highlight my favorite underrated/underappreciated queer characters and ships! (part 1/???)

(feel free to add more!)

Lake - Infinity Train (non-canon)

it's not canon but you cannot tell me that Lake isn't an allegory for trans/nb people. her arc is so beautiful and her character resonates with me so much!

i have to admit, i actually kinda hated her in the beginning because of how aggressive and rude she was, but she actually gets good character development and you can also understand why she was the way she was, being a good representation of a minority who is constantly suffering because of the social norms she’s forced into. also i don’t ship her with jesse but i do like the idea of them in a qpr or just being platonic besties.

(i use she/her pronouns for Lake because that's what they use in the series, but also because not all non-binary people use they/them, and it's kinda weird to see people insist on using they/them for Lake just because she's nb-coded. she has never shown an aversion to bring referred to with she/her pronouns.)

Le Chevre x El Topo - Carmen Sandiego (canon)

they are side characters who don't play a huge role in the narrative but they are a really cute couple and have been confirmed to be canon! even without the confirmation, it’s clear that they were written to be a romantic couple.

mild spoiler: after the series ends, they stop being antagonists and instead put up a food truck together! it’s the cutest thing, i swear

Ryan x Min-gi - Infinity Train (non-canon)

my OTP through and through! i say non-canon but the romance is so heavily implied, you cannot ignore it.

they're a good example of childhood friends who had a complicated relationship where both individuals did something wrong, but in the end, they grow as people and manage to mend their relationship together.

Moomin x Snufkin - Moominvalley (canon)

i have only read one of the books and watched a few clips of these two characters but from that alone, it's clear that they were written as lovers (and the author is queer too!)

they are a beautiful portrayal of long-distance relationship where both individuals have different needs in life, but still want to be with each other regardless.

Terrestrius / Terry - The Dragon Prince (canon)

Terry is canonically transmasc and they actually manage to explain this in the series, without making it sound too forced or expository. he's such a sweetheart too, and his relationship with Claudia is actually really sweet, despite the fact that she's one of the villains.

Carmen x Julia - Carmen Sandiego (non-canon)

again, i say non-canon but it is heavily implied that they have feelings for each other, especially in the extra interactive episode, where Carmen leaves a bouquet of red roses for Julia, and Julia is shown to blush when receiving them.

Amaya x Janai - The Dragon Prince (canon)

what’s that? it’s actually possible to write an enemies to lovers romance that is healthy and not extremely abusive?

Amaya and Janai have such a good relationship in S5 (and Amaya is also a great disabled representation!) Janai actually learns sign language to communicate with Amaya, and there are no unnecessary miscommunication plots or drama, they’re just a really loving wlw couple.

Benson x Troy - Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts (canon)

when i say we need more mlm ships in animated media!! i’m so glad us sapphics are getting a lot of representation but it’s time cartoons started including more queer men.

benson and troy are just a really sweet couple with a good relationship that doesn’t have a ton of pining or unnecessary angst. while i love complex and tragic queer relationships, i also think that it’s good to show teenagers just being teenagers sometimes.

this opinion seems to be scarce in the queer community, which really annoys me tbh.

Raine x Eda - The Owl House (canon)

i cannot believe that given the popularity of TOH, Raeda is still such an overlooked ship. this might be an unpopular opinion but Raeda is better written and has more chemistry than Lumity and Huntlow.

just within the span of Raine's introductory episode, they managed to establish a clearly romantic past between these two characters, and also an interesting dynamic. and even though they didn't have much screentime, they still turned out to be the best ship in the series. (again, just my opinion, don't come at me)

i think it's so important to show older queer people in media, just as it is important to show younger queer characters. it helps establish the fact that queerness has always existed and isn't some newfound trend that social media invented. not to mention, raeda is one of the very few canon ships that include a non-binary character.

[queerism1969]

What is something about being LGBT that a straight person would never guess is a thing you have to deal with on a regular basis?

People asking how you have sex

Once you come out, you never truly stop coming out.

Being queer means that you are going to be really lonely a lot of the time.

The mini internal debate you have every time you tell a story about your SO. Do I say friend or girlfriend? Have I come out to this person yet?

People ask if I know X person because they're also gay.

When you're gay, there's a very real chance your Significant Other will not have a family to bring you into.

Any expression of my sexuality is "being in your face about it" and "it shouldn't be your whole personality".

Everyone had an opinion about my mere existence.

People legitimately question the validity of your relationship, and whether it's just a phase-especially if you're bisexual

Straight people always want to know what your type is. It always feels like a test to see if you find them attractive.

How to properly have sex. They REALLY don't teach you that in sex education.

You never know who is secretly homophobic whether at work or in public, so you always have to act "straight" in a lot of situations

You get sick of never being represented in media, but straight people don't really get it.

Getting polite service is difficult.

Office workers will sometimes purposely send you on goose chases because they don’t want to serve you.

Before y'all knew I was gay, you talked a lot of smack about "the gays." You don't remember, but I remember. I will always remember.

Losing nail clippers can really harm a relationship.

Being queer sometimes feels like being a 30-something-year-old teenager in a community full of 30-something teenagers and weirdly grown-up kids who’ve been living on their own since being kicked out by their bigoted parents at 16.

We have to constantly police our language.

The shame/internalized homophobia.

Your right to exist being a political debate

Wondering when the Supreme Court will revoke my rights.

You can’t really just have sex on a whim... You have to spend time (a lot more than you think) to clean.

While closeted, probably the weight of the secret or the fear of someone finding out.

A gay person will watch any TV show or movie, no matter how bad, if they hear there is even a slice of positive gay representation in it.

When a gay couple kisses in public, people stare. Not even out of disgust or anything, but just because it’s still kind of foreign to them.

You can't always go to the place you want for your honeymoon, because you might get killed

Being described as someone’s “gay best friend” and not just their best friend.

Every time we tell someone we have a partner, and it catches them off-guard, they proceed to tell me about a gay person they know.

The doctor is always super surprised as to how we can be both sexually active and be 100% sure that we are not pregnant

People force you to come out, and they act like they’re doing you a favor.

You have to be prepared to lose any friendship at the drop of a hat

Every couple of years or so, we get a random homophobic death threat on social from someone we've never interacted with.

[darlingofdots]

I know that it won't change anybody's mind but I do think it's interesting that when we're talking about the discourse around romance novels and "spicy" books, it's people on social media who are sooooo concerned about the potential impact while people who study this stuff academically just roll their eyes whenever somebody goes all Think Of The Children about it

What really gets me in this conversation (and I've talked to fellow romance scholars about this!) is the oh-so-sincere concern that women will somehow get the wrong idea and be more vulnerable to domestic abuse because they read the wrong books. It shows such a disregard for women's intelligence! Why do you think women are so impressionable that they can't separate their entertainment preferences from their life experiences and more importantly, why do you think this is somehow a novel argument? People have been claiming that romance novels Give Women The Wrong Ideas for centuries, and we had to spend several decades just disputing that nonsense so we could finally get to some real scholarship.

The Flame and the Flower came out in 1974 and was hugely popular, and one of the most common answers to "how did you get into romance novels" is "I found my mum's/grandma's stash when I was a teenager." There’s not even any good data on whether romance readership has significantly increased in the last decade* and yet you would think that a wave of romance reading swept the globe and turned every woman into a mindless spice addict. I am so so willing to critique the romance genre for its continued heteronormativity, the racism perpetuated by prominent industry organisations, and even cringy covers. I have in fact published two articles* in that direction and am currently working on a PhD thesis. But if your only contribution to the conversation is "but what if women read The Wrong Books," you need to seriously re-evaluate your opinions.

*You should generally be skeptical of any specific numbers about readership or market share because a lot of the info you see floating around does not come with methodology or data sets attached to back it up. Preliminary data suggests a slight uptick in romance readership during and after the pandemic.

**I will not share the details because I am practicing separation of church and state on this blog but I highly recommend checking out the Journal of Popular Romance Studies, which is an online, open access, peer reviewed journal focusing on popular romance media.

[rainybubbles]

COD men and civilian jobs

I was wondering for you, what would COD men do if they had a civilian job?

Please share your opinionnnn !!!

So :

-I imagine Soap as a firefighter or a sports coach; he loves people and craves the thrill of adrenaline.

-Gaz could be a teacher, emanating a calm aura, and I see him excelling with kids or teenagers. Alternatively, he might thrive as a doctor or surgeon in the ER due to his ability to handle stressful situations. (the question is what subject as a teacher ?)

-Ghost might be best suited as a mechanic or a cook. He possesses exceptional skills but dislikes client service or social interaction. With his preference for routine, a career as a cook suits him well.

-Price would excel as a history teacher, particularly at the university level. (I've seen so many fics about it, I love it each times) His passion for guiding and assisting others, leading them to achieve their Ph.D. or dreams, aligns perfectly with this role.

-Nikolai's fit is obvious—he'd make an excellent pilot, perhaps in Formula 1, or even a taxi driver.

-Alex's strong sense of justice suggests a career in the legal system, perhaps initially as a lawyer defending large corporations before realizing the ethical implications and shifting to advocate for the underprivileged, akin to Murdock.

-Farah's natural inclination toward defending people's rights makes her a perfect fit for a career in politics. She would thrive in electoral campaigns and fighting for social justice issues, embodying the qualities of a strong leader.

-Laswell also exudes political vibes, aligning with a similar career trajectory, or maybe an interpret.

-König seems suited to be a baker, I am possibly influenced by reading too much about bakeries featuring Konig. Additionally, baking often serves as a coping mechanism for anxiety, which could resonate with him. Imagining him in a quaint local bakery in a peaceful village feels fitting.

-Alejandro's need for action suggests a career as an MMA fighter or a police officer. (it sounds dumb, but it makes sense in my mind-)His inherent drive to confront challenges and conflicts makes him well-suited for such physically demanding roles.

-Rudy appears outwardly calm but harbors a fiery passion. He might have been an ex-athlete who suffered a severe injury, leading him to find solace in a quieter profession like being a librarian. This juxtaposition of calmness and inner fire aligns well with such a career path.

Tell me your opinion, I really want to write a "how you meet them" in this AU, so does it sound good for you or not ?

[anjee0]

A Melody from the Heart

Chapter 3 ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Female!reader x Eminem (Feel free to put in your own oc insert)

Description - Y/n is struggling artist who decides to perform at an event hosted by MTV where a bunch of celebrities will be watching in person. Marshall is invited and is immediately captured by Y/n's beautiful voice. Now all he wants is for her to be on his next song.

Warnings - Second hand embarrassment, Y/n being awkward as.

As soon as Marshall got back to his hotel, he settled at his laptop and turned it on, curious to find out more about Y/n. He searched her name: ‘Y/n Y/l/n’ at the search bar, surprisingly, without struggling to figure out modern technology either.

As he hit the enter button, a list of links all displaying Y/n's name filled the screen. The first one was to a Spotify page which intrigued his interest immediately. He clicked on the link to be met with her Spotify profile. He looked closely at the profile picture and he could confirm that it was in fact the Y/n he saw singing earlier that night.

Marshall scrolled down carefully to find that she had an album of her own. It was called: ‘Lucid Dreams’ and the cover was a picture of a beautiful night sky with a hazy purple tint to it. He clicked on the album and scrolled down as he browsed through the various tracks displayed in front of him. 

He started with the first song at the top. Marshall listened closely to the glassy synth beats that started to play. It was then followed by Y/n's singing. Her voice was delicate yet so powerful at the same time. Y/n's voice was layered with silkiness and a velvety touch. Marshall leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes as he imagined her singing in front him. He could picture her emotions so well as he caught himself tapping his foot to the beat.

Track after track played, and he just couldn't stop listening. This wasn't the usual type of music he was used to listening to, but Y/n's voice made it hard for him to not be obsessed. Marshall sunk into his chair as the music took him away to a whole other dimension. He hadn't heard music like this in ages. 

When the album came to an end, he immediately clicked around Y/n's Spotify page, looking for any links to her social media. Marshall found one that led to her Instagram and immediately clicked on it. Y/n's account was public and she made a few posts. Her posts consisted of her own covers of various songs as she played a ukulele in the background and a few promoting her album.

Marshall watched the multiple videos of her song covers and was easily mesmerised. The way she strummed the strings on the ukulele with such precision and elegance made her look professional. The comfortable notes of the ukulele complemented Y/n's voice perfectly. 

He continued scrolling through her videos and felt a wave of surprise as he found her doing a cover of Yellow Brick Road. He felt his lips curling up to a small smile as he listened closely. The caption stated: “Been a huge fan of Eminem since I was a teenager, so I decided to cover Yellow Brick Road. ❤️”

After clicking around some more and gathering more information, Marshall called his manager Paul, eager to tell him about Y/n. A few rings went by before Paul answered the call.

“Marshall? Is everything okay? How’d the event go?” Paul asked.

“The event went amazing, man. Listen, you were watching it live, right?” Marshall asked.

“Yeah, I was.”

“Well did you see that first girl? Y/n Y/l/n? She was phenomenal.”

“Yeah. In my opinion, she was the best out of all them. So, why are you calling me?”

“Listen Paul, I really think this girl has some potential. I really want her on a song.” 

“Oh, wow… Really?” Paul asked, his voice was touched with confusion and surprise. He paused for another second before speaking again. “Uh, I mean, are you sure?”

“Listen, I know how it sounds too. This doesn't really seem like me but…” Marshall thought carefully about his next words as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I have a good feeling about her.”

“What exactly do you know about this girl?”

“Well I did some research and she makes her own music. She has her own album and from the looks of it, she's an independent artist-”

“An independent artist? That's gonna be hard to manage Marshall. I'm not sure if this is a good idea.” 

“Paul, I know it is going to be hard to manage but it doesn't matter. This girl has potential and I want the world to see it.”

“The world just has. On live TV.”

“Paul, you're not hearing me out man,” Marshall said, his voice hanging onto everything that it could with a pleading tone. “This is worth it. I want this to happen.”

“Okay, listen. I'm going to check this girl out myself. If I think you're onto something, I'll let you know and maybe we could try to get a hold of her, okay?”

“Okay, yes, thank you.” Marshall sighed in relief. “That's great, man. I'll talk to you tomorrow.”

Marshall went to bed that night with heavy weights of anticipation and nervousness on his back. He would be truly disappointed if Paul disagreed with him. He closed his eyes shut as his mind became occupied with the thoughts of Y/n.

The next morning, Marshall woke up with the small hook of anticipation still hanging onto him. He paced around the room, constantly glancing over at his phone as he bit his fingernails anxiously. Suddenly, his phone started buzzing against the table as it played his ringtone. Marshall saw the call was from Paul and immediately picked it up.

“Paul? Yes? What do you think?” Marshall asked rapidly, not even letting his manager speak first.

“Jeez, morning to you too Marshall.” Paul replied monotonously.

“Sorry, I’m just really dying to know what you think.”

“I get it man, I get it.”

“Well?”

Paul let out a longing sigh before he kissed his teeth. “We can do it.”

As soon as those words left Paul’s mouth, Marshall let out a breath of relief as felt all the nervousness from before gliding off his body. He let out an airy chuckle and smiled gently. “Paul, that’s great. Thank you.”

“We still need to set up a lot of things. I discussed it with the team and they’re happy to take it on. In the meantime, you get in touch with her, alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. That sounds great. Thanks man.”

As soon as the call ended, Marshall opened Instagram and went to Y/n’s profile. His fingers hovered over the keyboard as he thought of what to write. He wanted to come off as professional but relaxed at the same time. Marshall started waving his thumbs over the screen as ideas struggled to come to his mind.

In the end he settled with: “Hey, I saw you last night at the The Rhythm of New York Event. You were absolutely phenomenal and I was wondering if you wanted to work on a song with me? Thanks.”

Marshall immediately settled the phone down on the desk before sitting back down on the bed with his elbows resting on his knees. He tapped his foot against the floor rhythmically in quick one second beats as he waited for a response.

Y/n stared at her phone for what felt like an eternity. Her eyes wide and her mouth agape as she tried to process what was in front of her. With a variation of different emotions brewing inside her mind and body, she didn't know how or what to feel. She just stood there, unsure. There was no way that her idol that carried her for nearly her whole life had just messaged asking her to be on his next song. There was no way Eminem, the Eminem, the rap god himself, had said that Y/n was phenomenal.

She immediately called Maya, her fingers shook as she struggled to navigate through the phone. How could she when she was ecstatic and full of shock? The phone rang a few times before Maya picked up.

“Hey girl! What’s going on?” Maya greeted Y/n.

“You need to get here quickly.” Y/n said sharply, getting straight to the point.

“Is everything okay?” 

“Yeah, I mean, I think?” Y/n sighed as she pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’m not too sure. I just need you to get here, okay?”

“Alright, I’m getting there okay?”

A few minutes later, Maya showed up looking exasperated. A sheen layer of sweat was painted on her face and cheeks were flushed rosy pink. She panted continuously as Y/n let her into her house. 

“Are you okay?” Maya asked, immediately collapsing on the sofa.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. My engine was busted so I ran all the way here.”

“Couldn’t you have caught the subway?”

“Really? And torture myself like that?”

Y/n giggled at Maya’s comedic response. “Like running here wasn’t torture, right?”

“I’m fine, don’t worry about me. So, what happened?”

“Right. You’re not gonna believe me if I tell you.” Y/n reached for her pocket and showed Maya the text messages. 

Y/n could see the exact moment where the tiredness on Maya’s face was replaced with utter shock and a wave of excitement. She sat up with her eyes wide as she waved her hands around in joy.

“EMINEM WANTS YOU ON A SONG!” She exclaimed gleefully. She got up from the sofa and intertwined her hands with Y/n’s. “HE WANTS YOU ON A SONG!” She repeated energetically as she jumped around in circles.

“What do I do?” Y/n asked.

“Reply! Of course!”

“How?”

“Say you wanna do it!”

“Do what?”

“The song!” Maya laughed. “Oh gosh. Listen, I’ll do it for you.”

Y/n reluctantly handed the phone over to Maya. She watched as her friend thought carefully about what to type before moving her thumbs across the keyboard swiftly. Maya read over the message one more time and smiled softly as she gave the phone back to Y/n.

“Alright. Read that and tell me if you like it.” Maya said.

Y/n’s eyes scanned the text message briskly that read: “Hey, thank you so much, I’m so glad to hear that you enjoyed my song last night. I would love to work on a song with you. Thank you.”

“How did you do that so flawlessly?” Y/n asked, feeling a bit bewildered.

“I don’t know. It’s kinda easy if anything.” Maya responded.

Y/n rolled her eyes and pulled one of her playful smirks as she sat down next to Maya. “Seriously though. Thank you Maya. This is all happening because you were there for me and helped me out.” Y/n’s gaze softened as she beamed lightly at her friend.

“Don’t credit me.” Maya responded. “Your outstanding talent got you here.” A small pause was followed as a restful silence hung in the air. “Ready to send it?”

Y/n nodded nervously in response. Her thumb shook over the send button subtly. With one final exhale, she sent the message. Immediately, she switched it off and threw it behind her on the sofa.

“Why’d you do that?” Maya laughed.

“It’s like sending a risky text message to your crush.” 

“Didn’t you just do that?”

Y/n scoffed dramatically as she hit Maya’s shoulder gently. “I only had a crush on him for like a few months when I was 15!”

“And if my memory serves correct, you said that you found him ‘hot’ around 2 months ago.” 

“Yeah, two months ago!”

Maya tilted her head and smirked at Y/n like a little child. She hummed playfully and let out a chuckle she struggled to hold back. “Come on.. You still fancy him, don’t you?”

“Okay, well, like a bit…”

“I knew it!”

“A bit! Just a bit!”

“You know what, I see a love story forming between the two of you-”

“Okay, that’s enough!” Y/n interrupted with a loud cackle as she covered Maya’s mouth.

Maya slapped Y/n’s hand off gently and laughed. “I’m just teasing you. I’m so happy for you girl.”

“Thanks Maya. One more thing though…” Y/n responded.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“Is it okay if this can stay between us? This is definitely highly confidential and I don’t want people knowing about it.”

“It’s safe with me. Don’t you worry.”

“So now I'm just waiting for a reply…” Marshall explained to Hailie as he poured some tea.

“I will have to admit, this is very unlikely of you, but I think this is the right idea.” Hailie responded.

“I'm surprised that I decided to do it. She's really something else you know?” Marshall sighed as he rested the mug down onto the table. “I'm worried that she's going to decline the offer…”

“Why would she? She said she was a fan of yours on Instagram so I don't see why she would turn it down.”

“I know that, but it's still a possibility.”

“Even if she does, just let it be known that you at least tried and went out of your way to ask.”

“Thanks Hay…”

Hailie smiled softly at her dad before taking his coffee pot and having a sip.

“Did you just say all that sweet stuff so you could steal my tea?” Marshall asked with a dumb smirk on his face.

“No, I'm being honest. I'm just craving some tea. And plus, this is fruit tea. No way you would like this stuff.”

“What? I'm not a baby.”

“Yeah, whatever. So when did you send the message?”

“About an hour ago.”

“Have you checked if she responded?”

“No, not yet.”

“When did you last check?”

“Never.”

“Dad! Come on, you need to check the messages at least every 5 minutes. Come on, check your phone.”

Marshall sighed playfully in a dramatic manner before he took his phone out. As soon as he opened it, he took notice of the notification displayed on the lock screen.

“It's from Y/n.” He said.

“Well, what are you waiting for? Open it!” Hailie encouraged him.

Marshall wasted no time as his thumbs scrambled to unlock the phone and open the DM. When he did, he let out an airy chuckle of relief.

“She said yes…”

“Dad, that's great!” Hailie squealed as she embraced Marshall into a hug. “You need to call her now and talk to her. I'm gonna head back to my room.”

A few minutes passed and Marshall was able to get confirmation from Y/n that she could video call. When she answered, he could see the nervousness plastered over her face. Her cheeks were blushing pink as a nervous smile crept on her face.

“So, Y/n. How are you feeling?” He asked.

“A bit nervous.” She chuckled. “This is just so surreal. I’ve been a huge fan of yours since I was a teenager.”

“I know. I saw your post where you covered Yellow Brick Road. It was great. Your ukulele skills are amazing.”

Y/n’s cheeks flushed even more, turning her a deep red, which she didn’t even know could be possible. “Thank you. I really appreciate that.”

For the rest of the phone call, Y/n told Marshall a bit about herself, mainly just about her music and her life in New York currently. (She skipped over all the personal parts from her childhood, feeling that it was unnecessary to share).

“That’s great that I know you a bit more well now. Listen, this isn’t really something that I do, and I’m only doing this because I really think you’ve got some potential. I don’t want to pressure you or anything, but try your best to not mess it up, okay?”

Y/n could immediately feel the pressure being weighed down on her. How was she supposed to be calm when Eminem told her to not mess up? “I’ll try my best…”

“Good. So, let’s talk about business and how this is going to work. Since you’re an independent artist, I think it’s best we can get you a manager and sign you to a good record label. Are you on board with that?”

Y/n felt a surge of uncertainty spiralling through her. She wasn’t too keen on getting a manager, but she supposed there would be some benefits. “Are there benefits to it?”

“A lot. With a manager, they can give you guidance, help with time management, networking and organising events. And with a record label, they can help you financially, give you boosts and help with your development. There’s a chance that after this, a lot more people will wanna hear your voice. And for that, a manager and record label could help.”

Y/n considered the offer and came to a conclusion that it would be useful. “Okay, that sounds good.”

They talked for another hour or so discussing everything Y/n would have to be prepared for. She will have to admit, she was shaking with anxiousness. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity and she couldn’t mess it up, no way. The strain on her was tremendous but she was willing to do anything for it to happen. It was a dream come true. 

“So, how much time do you reckon you’ll need to pack?” Marshall asked.

“Pack what?”

“Your suitcase?”

“My suitcase?”

“Yeah, you’re coming with me to Detroit.”

“I am?”

“How else would we do the song?”

“Oh, right! So I’m staying with you?”

“Yeah… how else would we do it?”

Y/n felt a gush of outpouring embarrassment spill from her guts. She was making herself look stupid in front of Eminem of all people. “Oh yeah! Duh! Of course. Well… to pack, it depends. How long will I be there?”

“At least a couple of months.”

Y/n kissed her teeth as she struggled to cover the shock on her face. She would be spending a few months in Eminem’s mansion. She nodded slowly, trying to think of what to say next without sounding dumb.

“Greal.” She responded.

“Greal?”

Y/n’s eyes twitched as she felt herself growing terribly awkward and mad at herself. “I meant to say great. But then I was gonna say deal. And then it just kinda became greal…” At that moment, she wanted to hang up the call, block Marshall on every social media platform and disappear off the face of the Earth.

“Hey, sweetheart, it’s fine, don’t sweat it. I understand, you’re nervous.” Marshall replied sincerely.

Y/n felt a sense of relief knowing that he understood, but the fact that he had just called her sweetheart did not help at all.

Eventually, their call came to an end as they waved each other goodbye. Y/n grabbed her pillow and screamed into it. The lingering embarrassment clutched onto her like a blood-sucking leech. It caused continuous pain that made her feel humiliated. This was really happening. It was real. In one week, she would be hopping on a private jet with Eminem to start a song with him. She couldn’t mess up anymore. It was time to commit to this properly.

A/N: chapter 3 after a month! (I'm so sorry). Also, Marshall calling Y/n sweetheart was a reference to a Rhythm and Flow episode where he called one of the girls sweetheart🙈 I think it was s2ep5 if you wanna see it!

[kingdoms-and-empires]

After Dark Review (Zombies!)

I recently had to go travel and read a few works that I never got around to reading but was interested in.

PLEASE REMEMBER THIS REVIEW IS DONE BY ME AS A READER AND IS MY OWN OPINION.

This means I will review in accordance to my own tastes, how the game caters to me, and what I feel. Do not take my word as gospel, what I may not be interested in or dislike, may be what YOU are interested and love!!!

@dalekowrites

Synopsis:

A few years from now, in Little Peak, Michigan, a teenager is ready to go to sleep.

While the heavy industry is more active than ever, the effects of global warming are evident, with higher temperatures, dying bees, and animals acting weird.

It has simply been another normal Wednesday, but little do people know that it’s the last day of normality Mother Nature has granted them.

After Dark is a scientifically accurate apocalyptic horror. You’re tired of zombies rising from the ground for no reason? You don’t believe in ghosts? Glittering vampires aren’t for you? Then you have to try one of the three different stories that unfold in After Dark.

When a global pandemic starts to transform people into dangerous monsters, which path will you choose? Will you fight for humanity? Will you stay for your family? Or will you run away in search of a better future?

Review:

The Good: Why does every IF Zombie game have the authors kill themselves in the coding department? This is in the good section, so it isnt a bad thing, though sometimes I worry for the sanity of the author lol. Anyways, After Dark is ambitious! Here are some of the things the author implemented:

Three different routes with three completely different stories. (1 is being worked on right now, the other two have not yet been implemented yet as far as I know)

A phone with a social network, gallery for the ROs, a newsletter, and a weather forecast app... of which you need to charge without it being annoying thankfully!

Characters remember what you talk about and will bring it up in future conversations, so you cant be two faced lol

A romance autonomy system that you can switch on that allows ROs to flirt with you!

Random encounters to encourage re-playability.

An inventory system.

A weather system, that can be prepped for using the weather app on your phone.

Hourly progression system, there are only a set amount of hours in a day that you can use to do things without affecting you.

Discoverable side stories.

A private journal that keeps track of stuff for you. Kinda Elder Scrolls coded and i jive with it haha

And crazy enough, there's more. The above sounds complicated and overwhelming, but it isnt for the reader somehow. The author was able to integrate all the above without it feeling intrusive or annoying.

As for the story itself, remember this is currently one route. The writing is well done, it isnt overly flowery or super descriptive to the point of walls of text. Instead it gets to the point effectively and without losing points.

It made me want to read more, and that is exactly what we readers look for as we scour the IF space for more stories.

ABBY

I really like Abby. She's the preggo lady you can find, and I love the humanity she brings to the story. She does some things thatll make you go:

All of the characters feel grounded and not tropey if that makes any sense. And the dynamics of the group can change with the MC's input, or lack of it.

And then food. Holy shit, the need for food actually felt immersive lmao, whenever id find a snack or something id snatch that mfer up

The Bad:

I would like more zombies. The characters, the narrative, and the plot works well. But I'm worried of being presented with more human on human conflict/drama instead of the undead, and to that I recommend the author to introduce more scenes where we can see the horror, eeriness, and sadness that such an apocalypses would induce. Make a scene where the player is being chased by the undead because of a fuck up, it can be MC's or one of the characters to create tension or drama and it can even make an RO moment occur. Or a scene where you can enter a school, or one of the FEMA camps and see the aftermath of an incident where the zombies break in or someone infected got in. Of course, the author is steadily updating, and what I just said may very will be in the cards of a future update! But I do think something involving the zombies should occur sooner than later, as the beginning scene with the parent and the chaos, horror, and tension of the scene still stayed with me, and i was hoping to reach those emotional heights again while playing!

The Ugly:

Other than a few gender variable errors of the ROs and the regular grammar mistakes found in any IF, the biggest issue i had was with presentation. I'd recommend the author to clean up the spacing between paragraphs in the future when they have time alongside the new update.

The Aftermath:

Zombie IFs just don't seem to miss. Almost all are able to land within the "good" category whenever one releases, and this has the potential to land right in the "Chef's Kiss" tier. I'd recommend this game to anyone craving a zombie IF, and im excited to see this develop more in the future! The characters are grounded, flawed but not annoyingly, and capable. The story is plausible, and the narrative makes sense. Honestly? I want more and I want it now!

[starsfic]

we hear about pigsy's mom alot but what about the rest of his family? pigsy having a fairly big extended family that maybe lived more rurally. despite the distance, they keep in contact through social media and the occasional family gathering. showing support in any way they could. when they found out he adopted an abandoned child they were very supportive offering advice on childcare and a few even sending money to help him support the kid. They welcomed the child as easily, and though he didn't get to see them much Mk did have a good relationship with pigsys family, especially with the other kids. there was one set of relatives, who didn't quite approve but remained quiet since the rest of the family adored MK. that is until said relatives came to visit pigsys shop for the first time in years and saw that MK was still around. "Cus you still have that kid around? come on he's an adult now, any responsibility you have of had is over with just kick him out already" and this was why this cousin and his family weren't welcomed back in all those years. this particular cousin and his wife had a very negative opinion of "adopted kids" regardless of what pigsy and the others felt they saw MK as "a stain mudding the bloodline" or whatever bullshit. pigsy wasn't happy having to listen to the two grip at him about it. but he became really irate when they and their two kids started spreading their hatful viewpoint to mk directly. and on his birthday no less.

Anon: Monkie kid prompt: “Pigsy?”, asked MK “Hm?”, answered Pigsy “How come you never talk about your dad or grandpa?”

AITA for letting family drama ruin my son's birthday?

So, for context, I (44M) and my partner (42M) adopted my son (20sM) when he was about three, soon after my mother passed. I come from a very large family that mainly lives out in the country- I broke tradition by moving to the city, and we mainly keep in contact through email, social media, and calls and the occasional mass family gathering. Additional context, my father took my mother's surname because he was orphaned very young.

My family was delighted when I adopted my son, even though I was in denial about being his dad. There was a massive outpouring of love, advice, and even money since the adoption was a surprise (my son was abandoned and left to wander around). The only issues I had at that point were with my cousin and his wife, who had certain views about adopted children and bloodline purity. They tried to tell me once to just give him up to the foster system, and I told them to shut their mouths. They did because they knew they were outnumbered.

The second issue was when my son came out as FtM trans as a teenager. He didn't know his name when I found him, so I picked my mother's name on the spot. When he came out, he chose a name similar to hers but mainly used a nickname because the name was long. My father and grandfather took issue with this- as far as I knew, they had no issues with trans people until they found out about my son. I think their issues were based on grief, but the stuff they said was nasty and rude, and I cut them off.

Now, this past weekend was my son's birthday and Gotcha Day. My son has been going through a massive health struggle thanks to some massive events that happened one right after the other, leading to an attempt on his life last year. However, he has been getting help thanks to his friends and family, including a recently discovered bio-brother. My son has also gained a partner who decided to propose to him during the celebration (I have thoughts about the partner and how long their relationship has been, but I do know they love each other). Bio Brother owns a few buildings, including a large manor in between my place and my family's, and insisted on throwing a huge party because he loves the shit out of my son.

My cousin and his wife, including their two teenagers, were invited. I hadn't really thought about it since they had behaved ever since I told them to shut up. I assumed they would behave...except they didn't.

At some point during the party, they yanked me and my partner aside to ask why Son was still in our lives. "Cus you still have that kid around? Come on, he's an adult now; any responsibility you have of had is over with. Just kick him out already." was one of the few things said. I was angry, but then I found the teenagers cornering Son, saying the most vile things about him.

This included revealing why I didn't talk to my father or grandfather anymore.

The party was ruined after that.

Everyone has been telling me it wasn't my fault. I had thought that they would behave. I didn't know their teenagers would be so rude and nasty to the birthday boy. My son has been pleading with me not to blame myself, but I can see the shutters going down in his eyes.

Is this my fault?

[kalamity-jayne]

Sorry for asking but I am a cis male teenager (well, I thought I was.) but lately I have realized I think I might be a trans girl? I am very scared to drop my masculinity. How did you find out you were trans if that’s okay to ask?

Of course it's ok! I am always happy to help someone who is questioning their gender. However, this is actually a pretty loaded question, because while there is a lot of talk about "when my egg cracked" in trans circles, figuring out you're trans isn't always attributable to any one singular event. Some folks might crack through and emerge from their egg in one swift motion but that is not true for everyone, it certainly wasn't true for me. Sure I could tell about the moment the first crack in my shell appeared, but a single crack in the egg is a far cry from actually breaking out. For many it's a process that can involve a series of revelations and tends to require lots of self reflection and learning how to love yourself. So, there is no quick and easy answer for this. However, I think my story will have a number of different lessons relevant to your question.

Before getting into all that though, I feel I must point out that cisgender folks rarely ask themselves these kinds of questions and when they do entertain these thoughts it's brief and comes with very little agony. The fact you have gone so far as to reach out to trans woman for advice, the fact the you are clearly worried by the prospect of being trans, is a pretty clear indicator that you probably are trans. Regardless of whether you actually are transgender or not, I want you to know that either way, it's ok. You will be ok, no matter what conclusions you come to.

Now, the story of how I figured out I was trans. Bear in mind, the first “aha moment” was 20 yrs ago and things were very different back then. I was about 17yrs old at the time and the term transgender didn't have the currency then that it does now, there wasn't the robust set of terminology that we have today, there were far fewer resources to turn to, no social media, and the overall public opinion was significantly more hostile towards anything LGBT. Anyway, more below the cut.

I didn't follow the typical trans narrative of the time in the sense that, as a child I didn't really care about my clothes so long as my favorite cartoon characters were on 'em, I liked toys typically marketed towards boys, I looked like a boy and everyone referred to me as a boy. So I thought I was a boy. However, I do have a vague memory from early childhood, somewhere between the ages of 4-6, of sneaking into my mother’s room and stealing a pair of her satin underwear and trying it on (it surely would have been too big on me but I remember liking the texture of the fabric) and hiding it under my bed. This memory has since been confirmed during my adulthood by my brother who shared a room with me at the time and had apparently found the hidden stash.

From an early age I was explicitly shunted towards masculinity. I was regularly told to “stop acting like a girl,” and “quit crying like a girl,” and even at one point to “stop walking like a girl,” by my peers and one of my brothers. By the time I was a teenager I was doing my best to be as masculine as possible going so far as joining the highschool wrestling team, a sport that is as homophobic as it is homoerotic, and I hated every minute of it because being manly didn't feel natural to me (and it definitely didn't stop the bullying). It felt like I was trying to ice skate uphill. I fit in but only imperfectly for I was merely acting.

I was also very confused about my sexuality. I thought maybe I was gay or bisexual (turns out the latter) but that didn’t really explain what I was feeling. Around 17yrs old I got curious about transsexuals, thinking maybe the answers would be found there and hoped on to the early and oh so clunky internet. Now I knew of transsexuals conceptually but I didn't know anything about them. Sadly, pornography was really the only reliable way to actually see what a trans body looked like back then. I was stunned because the women I saw did not look at all the way I expected. I was blown away by how so many of them, genitalia aside, looked indistinguishable from cisgender women. And they were all absurdly beautiful. I felt an immediate attraction but there was something else I felt too, envy. And that realization was the first crack in my eggshell.

After that I couldn't get the thought of crossdressing out of my head. So, I dug through a box of my mother's old clothes and took a few items she no longer wore, an old white tennis skirt and a very very 70s sleeveless orange blouse. I was so comfortable in those clothes and when I looked at myself in the mirror I felt good, really good. So, I continued exploring, shaved off all of of my body hair, went to department stores that were open late at night to buy girl clothes (deathly afraid someone would recognize me), I would stay up late at night to watch HBO because at midnight they would occasionally air stuff about trans people, (I remember two documentary shorts in particular and the movie Soldier’s Girl) and I scoured the internet for more information. The internet search brought me to a website called TG list (at least I think that’s what it was called, this was 20yrs ago after all) which was a directory of resources ranging from The Breast Form Store (which still exists!), a myriad of gender identity quizzes (I took nearly every single one), and Susan’s Place.

Susan’s place was one of the few reliable places to hear from actual transgender adults. Unfortunately, while Susan's Place had a lot of useful information the forums there were full of horror stories, a never-ending supply of all the things those women had suffered. So needless to say, there was little to no positivity around transness to give me hope. I was afraid to call myself trans as a result, afraid of what it meant for my life, my future, and my physical safety (you have to remember that back then Mathew Shepard wasn’t old news, his tragedy was practically current events). So I called myself a crossdresser but for reasons I didn't understand at the time I deeply resented that label. I think deep down, no matter how much I tried to deny it and bury it, a part of knew I wanted to be a girl. So when I came out to my parents as a crossdresser and explicitly told them I wasn't trans, that I didn’t have any desire to transition to female, there was that lil voice at the back of my mind calling me a liar. That voice would follow me until my late 20s.

Coming out was a real struggle for me because not only did I think my life would literally be in jeopardy, I thought everyone would think I was making it up, having not followed the stereotypical models of transsexuality. When I came out to my parents they didn't disown me or anything but they were noticeably uncomfortable around me when I was in girl mode. At a certain point I needed their help (credit card) to buy a gaff for tucking and that was when my parents, out of a misguided desire to protect me, pushed me back into the egg. Because of their rejection I spent the rest of highschool and most of my college years trying to hold the egg together with even more denial and by doubling down on masculinity. While I did have some fun during my college years, on balance I was miserable and depressed. I chafed at my male costume and I knew I was lying to myself the entire time, and I hurt myself a great deal.

During my senior year of college I started privately dabbling with crossdressing again, the desire had been nagging at me incessantly. A short time after graduating I met my wife who accepted that side of me and she introduced me to the BDSM/kink community, and the overall culture of nonjudgmental acceptance there cracked the egg for good, because is provided spaces besides my own room where I felt safe being a girl. From that point on I slowly but surely came out of the egg, first calling myself a crossdresser, then genderfluid for awhile, then GENDA passed in NY making me an explicitly protected class and for the next 2 yrs I presented as a they/them genderqueer woman 100% full time without HRT (I was still reluctant to call myself a woman).

I wrestled a long time with the choice to go on HRT. Ultimately that was always a big stumbling block for me. Therapy had gotten me pretty far but I was still afraid of so much and was unsure I would be happy with the changes because my parents had initially rejected me as their daughter in very paternalistic fashion I struggled to trust my own instincts. I still struggle with that sometimes. Eventually, I befriended a trans woman in my neighborhood who pointed out HRT works very slowly and that it takes a long time for any permanent changes to take root. So, she suggested I give it a try and if it didn't feel right I could stop.

I was also taking gender identity quizzes again. Now most of these claim to be diagnostic and those ones a generally misogynistic garbage (they ask stupid questions like, “are you good at math?” and assign a gendered value to the answer) but I happened upon one that started with the disclaimer that it wasn't diagnostic and instead only offered questions that are good to think with. Two questions in particular were very helpful. The first asked, "If you could take a pill that would allow you to wake up tomorrow as a girl, would you take it?" My answer was a hesitant yes, but that yes was bolstered by the next question, "If you could take a pill that would allow you to wake up as a man, in your current body, but without any dysphoria or desires to be feminine, would you take it?" My answer was an emphatic no because that would have felt like killing an important part of myself off. I then at the age of 33yrs old started HRT and 4yrs in I am incredibly happy. That was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

Now, I know that was a lot of fucking text to read but I wrote all of that because I know the prospect of maybe being a trans girl feels scary to you right now but I want to assure you that as daunting as it may seem there is so much about being a trans woman that is full of beauty and joy. I love my trans womanhood and despite the hardships, I wouldn’t give it up for anything. In fact the opposite is true. Knowing what I know now, I would give up almost everything in order to be a woman. So if you feel like you want to give girlhood a try, do it! You can take small incremental steps and you can always stop if it doesn’t feel right, either way you will gain a degree of self knowledge most cisgender people lack completely and that is absolutely priceless! Plus, unlike me when I was a teen, there’s all kinds of resources and information available to you now and an entire community of people ready to help you, and unlike the women in the forums from my past, we aren’t all gloom and doom.

As for your fear of giving up masculinity, don’t let that fear lure you into the denial trap like it did me. Denial is like quicksand, once you’re in it becomes hard to get out, the more you struggle the deeper in you go and it is so very suffocating. And the thing is, you actually don’t have to give it all up. Back when I was presenting full time as woman without HRT, I felt like I had to be ultra feminine all the time, full face of make-up, dress, heels, the whole nine yards. Now that I’m 4 yrs in with HRT I don’t feel that pressure anymore and have since reclaimed certain aspects of masculinity I actually liked. I sill like presenting high femme from time to time but these days I mostly rock a soft butch aesthetic, flannel/t-shirt, jeans and the only makeup I wear daily is just a lil bit of blush. At certain point you become comfortable and realize that gender is just a sandbox to play in and experiment. Masculine and Feminine are just concepts, they aren’t real! so regardless of being cis or trans, don’t let those mere concepts box you in! Just do what feels natural and right to you!

I hope all of that was helpful to you anon, and that at the very least you walk away from this knowing you don’t have to have all of the answers about yourself right now. Now, I don't no the particulars of your situation, so I’m happy to speak with you further if you have follow up questions, just send another anon.

Best of luck to you anon, I am rooting for you!

Big hugs,

Mother Calamity

[cowboyjen68]

Hi!!

I just wanted to ask some advice from one butch to another.

I recently got my dream job of being a warden on a nature reserve (and i love it!), while interacting with people there I get called a young man very often (i am 18 lol) and it gives me euphoria to know im masculine enough to even pass as a man. I've also had some volunteers ask if I was a man or not (despite my feminine name).

But recently I got called a "lady" outside while out with my mother. It drove me INSANE I cried alot.

Don't get me wrong I do identify as a woman but I hate being seen as a lady.

I've even thought about using he/him pronouns recently and changing my name but i'm too scared to as most people won't understand bc im still a lesbian.

Is this strange?

ps love u and ur blog lots xx

This is an easy answer because I was 18 once and looked enough like a teenage boy that I got "hey sport" and "hey young man" all the time, especially when in my work clothes. I worked for The Mayor's Youth Corp in Iowa City in the summers of my 15th and 16th year. Mom and Dad let me get a work permit AND bought me a used Datsun Pickup so I could drive myself the 20 miles there and back each day.

I was a volunteer with the Corp of Engineers youth from 14 to 16 and Dad knew I was super excited about this job. Mom was not thrilled that I wanted to cut my hair but my "grand mullet" was really hot under the hard hat in the summer heat of Iowa. (in the 1980's boys and girls had the short in front long and permed in back look) We compromised and I cut the sides really short. (photo of my me at 16 in my uniform for reference)

Using "he" would never have occurred to me because "EWWW Boys". This is not to say, however, that I hated being mistaken for a boy, on the contrary, it felt good. When someone thought I was a young man it meant they treated me as such. They didn't talk down to me, I knew they assumed I was capable and willing to get dirty. I knew unconsiously that along with the mistaken identity came many perks. This was nothing I analyzed but little girls see very early on the difference in treatment they recieve from their brothers, male cousins and neighborhood boys. This difference leads us to become negotiators to control our circumstances and not entittled to treatment based on our skills and actual personalies.

When an adult recognized me as a boy, even for a second at first glance, I knew I didn't have to prove myself. They, for an instant, assigned to me words like "strong, capable, demanding etc". No negotations required.

When someone realized I was a girl they literally had a change in their face. They smiled at me, softened their voice. When I was called "young lady" or "Miss" it always seemed to be backed my the worst assumptions (in my mind anyway). Lady is steeped in all kinds of traits I didnt want assigned to me. "quiet, weak, likes to dress pretty"OR "motherly, submissive, meek" Nothing good in my teen brain, that is for sure. Lady felt so OLD, so married to a man and reliant on him for survival, so polyster pants and ugly flats and scratchy blouses with a flower imprint. NONE of these things are inherent to being a woman or even socially forced on us but that is not how things work sometimes. Words that describe people get stereotypes and myths and traits attached to them all the time. Woman and girl are no different.

I can tell you, the best feeling in the world when I was in that job was when my supervisor, who damn well knew I was a young woman, trusted me with all the same tasks as the boys. Who valued my opinions and abilities equally to the young men. He took time to teach me what I didn't know, just like with them and didn't assume I couldn't or didn't want to learn things on the job. He didn't shame ANYONE for not being strong enough or for getting tired or needing a break.

Don't let the assumptions of others force you into another box of conformity. You don't need a boys name or to use any pronouns you don't feel connected to just to please others. In fact, none of that effort will change perceptions of those around you. I can promise that one day being called Lady will just be another word that you can hear and know it does not change your personality or your interests or control the hope you have for your future. What does waste a lot of time and energy is trying to adjust things in your life to fit incorrect or snap assumptions about you as a person. You can never control the thoughts of those around you but what you can do is stop worrying about it and enjoy YOU.

You have a job you love and are sure to thrive in. You are solid in your sexuality and love of women, you are in a unique position to possibly change the perceptions of others when they think of "young women". Your interactions with the public are sure to effect the assumpions of at least some people when they think of young women and their roles in our society.

Congratulations on your new career and I bet you rock that uniform.

[lacesoflove]

hamzah once tweeted that he didnt care about fics being written about him idk if his viewpoint changed but honestly i dont think so cause hes chronically online still so he knows how it is (also i lowkey think that the tiktok community is the worst of all slushy communities they just make up fake stories about hamzah having a secret gf like every other week and most people commenting on there are really something else)

oh don’t get me started on the tik tok community…i just talked about the reddit community because it’s relevant and topical rn, but the tik tok community is actually something else.

i think, and maybe I’m overanalysing this way too deep, because im high as fuck, but i feel like typing a wall of text rn, so i will do just that. (everything said is my opinion and based on my experience from fandom culture, also i forget to say “not all but some” sometimes so i just want ro let you guys know im generalising) also i mention sa very very briefly!!

i think a lot of the tik tok fans are trying to mold hamzah and martin into the traditional social media personalities archetype, similar to tara yummy and jake and the rest of those “emo” guys (idgaf about them ngl 😭 apologies ig if you enjoy their content) - and i’m not saying slushynoobz’s is somehow more highbrow - which i want to quickly add (i swear im not beefing with like the entirety of this fandom i actually love slushies), i feel like there’s also another facet of slushies (to be totally honest i can have my downfalls and act like them sometimes) who like to treat hamzah and martin (i think i said this in my previous post) as above social media influencer culture or are highbrow because they make controversial jokes and shit, but like - they’re literally not? they’re close, or at least familiar with, people like tara yummy and them. they are very much content creators, they are just more self aware about it and have more “humble” (?) origins and have less controversies lmfao and are less brand friendly - i.e hamzah just doing social media because i think he didn’t want to go to college and martin just being an IT worker for canadians gov who made comedy videos. i think the reddit fans (not all tho!!) want to turn slushynoobz and slushies into like sturniolo brothers and tara yummy’s. i notice this especially when they talk about hamzah’s love life. and it’s like yeah, i’m curious too sometimes but i think sometimes they push it. esp with the hamzah and claire shit (which mind you shes still a teenager and hes like 22 - and yes, three years is not bad but like she was 15 and he was 18 when they met, the maturity difference hello???) or even, and i made a post about this already too lmfao, the whole mandy hating martin jokes (which ik are jokes 😭 im not that autistic) which tbh, in my personal opinion, are just overused and in poor taste.

im just worried that the fandom is gonna become a mess, especially with their growing popularity, and i feel like once hamzah can go to the states again, it’s gonna attract a bunch of new people! which is great for them and the community but unfortunately ive been through the dsmp and i hate to sound like that one gatekeeping ass hoe who calls new fans newgen (especially considering i only began watching slushynoobz this year and would only watch 4freakshow when a clip here and there would pop up), but like the fandom is going to get worse 😭

i just wish there was balance in this community like idk man and that people weren’t so extreme (which might be contradictory because i feel like i sound extreme in this post but then again, it might be the ganja), like yes? is it okay to be curious to want to know whay happened between hamzah and haley? yeah, maybe, sure - they’re public figures and had a falling ouf, naturally people are going to be curious? is it right to leave her comments about it or make weird rumours about them dating? no. is it weird to write really weird hamzah fics (and im talking weird with really grotesque topics like sa)? yes. it is, but my issue with reddit fans - the slushies arent even writing fics like that anyways, it’s tame.

im running out of what i wanna say coherently but yeah i just want us all to get along (which tbh, us tumblr girlies do with each other ngl) 🤒