#and tbh my biggest struggle not reading More already this year is i take forever to decide on a book fjdnk i wanna read them all!!!

[thekidsarentalright]

officially have read more books this year then i did last year <3 (< i read 1 book last year)

[daggerandrose]

💫Annual Writing Self-Evaluation 2020💫

Thank you @haztobegood​ for tagging me! I’ve never done one of these before (other than just posting all the fics I’ve written this year) so I’m excited!

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 8

2. Word count posted for the year: 92,471

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction

4. Pairings: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

5. Story with the most:

Kudos: Compete Against the Stars 

Bookmarks: Compete Against the Stars

Comments: Breakable Heaven

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why):  Breakable Heaven because it’s the longest fic I’ve done so far and I worked so hard on it and I think it took me most of the year to write it because I started it in late March and finished around late October.

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): We’ll Be Alright this was the last in the Wordplay challenge from the summer and I struggled so hard to write something for that week’s word. If I remember correctly, I wrote this in like a day at the very last minute before I sent it off to my beta to look over. I could have done better tbh

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: I’m honestly so shocked every time I get a comment on my fics and I had such a huge response for Breakable Heaven, but one of my fav authors left a comment on my trick or treat fic that mentioned a line I’m really proud of... I might have squealed when I saw the comment

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: As mentioned above, I spent the longest amount of time on Breakable Heaven mainly because I had such a big start on it where I was writing scenes and really hitting a stride in my writing... and then I hit a big ass wall and got so stuck. I can’t even tell you how many times I texted my beta various forms of “I’m stuck help”.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:  the entirety of drink what makes you happy  because I was limited to 666 words since it went with the trick or treat fest rules and I only really had the idea of vampire harry and human Louis in the kitchen doing something domestic but where harry is kind of a darker character. I never really had a set plan in mind (lol when do I ever?) but with this fic I truly had no idea where these characters were going to take me and I even shocked myself with the ending. 

More under the cut...

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: From Compete Against the Stars because of the longing

“Are you claimed?”

Louis nods, his eyes starting to water. “I don’t want to be. I want to be with you, not some faceless alpha.”

Harry chuckles sadly, stepping forward until the tip of their shoes are touching. “We’re in a similar predicament then.”

Louis scrunches his eyebrows together. “What do you mean? You’re claimed too?”

Harry nods, his lips turned downwards.

“Then we can’t do this.” His hands betray him as they come forward to cup Harry’s face.

Harry turns his head and presses a kiss to Louis’ palm, skimming his nose over the sensitive skin of his wrist, taking in his scent. His eyes are glowing green as his wolf peaks out. “This isn’t fair.” He leans down and presses their foreheads together, dropping his hands off the wall to wrap around Louis’ waist. “No one will ever make me feel like this but you.”

Louis has to take a deep breath to stop his tears from falling. “I know. I feel the same.” Louis brushes his fingertips back around to the nape of Harry’s neck, feeling the softness there and relishing in the scent of walnuts and cinnamon.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: I know one of the biggest struggles in my writing is worrying too much about what people think and worrying people will read the fic and be disappointed that it doesn’t live up to the tags or summary. like someone reading the fic and going “eh that was just okay” and close out the tab. But the response I’ve had from my beta about lines in the fics have been so encouraging and I’ve been getting more out of my head and reminded myself that I’m not writing for anyone but myself.

13. How do you hope to grow next year: I really need to stop procrastinating. It’s my biggest setback because I’m so good at putting off my writing until the veeerrrry last minute and then I’m rushed to get it done. So hopefully I’ll work on that and post something that’s not along with a fest/challenge/collab because right now, that seems to be the only way I post anything anymore.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): My fave @thecompasspointstohome who will forever be my beta because she gets me. I can always count on Liz to answer my (frequent) texts asking for help or when I’ll randomly text her “hey what if this happens in this fic would that work?” and to tell her yet another crazy idea for an au. She’s always leaving hilarious reactions in the comments on the google docs and is able to help push myself to be a better writer.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: Not really? I had some pretty heavy stuff happen to me this year and I used fic as a way to escape all of that.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: It is always scary putting out a fic anywhere let alone online. It’s basically putting yourself out there for everyone to criticize and that can be quite daunting. Just remember to write for yourself and surrounded yourself with people who will encourage you in your writing and who you can bounce ideas off of.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: I really really need to finish not only next year’s Big Bang fic (refer to procrastination above), but also my grey’s anatomy fic that’s been a wip since 2015... yikes. I also would love to post a fic that’s not related to a fest/challenge/collab just to show myself that I can do that again and I already have an idea or two of what I could post.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read. @2tiedships2 @londonfoginacup @mediawhorefics @sadaveniren and anyone else who wants to do this! (PS. if you have already done this please ignore the tag sorry it’s late and I’m practically half asleep!)

[hyliangrace-a]

oh, i ended up spending so much time on this, but - it’s done ! it’s far from perfect but i’m pretty satisfied that there’s a visual guide to my idea of hyrule, post-seven years war. & now, god help you all, i’m gonna talk about it lmao. click here if you want to see a full-sized version of the map, but i’m also gonna put it under the cut in this post with the original map for comparison, & go on for a bit about how hyrule has, in my interpretation, changed under zelda’s rule.

( this gets long. like, really long. like, over 4,500 words long. read at your own risk. i’d say i’m sorry, but i’m really not. & fuck drawing water features forever. )

first thing’s first - the map !

( apologies for the giant watermark underneath it all but i’ve had my shit stolen before & i’m not enthused at the idea of having it happen again. clicking it open in a new tab should make it bigger if the link above doesn’t work. )

so, it’s slightly bigger than the original map which is featured in the game, haha. here’s a comparison of the two, actually, with my map over the top of the original so you can see what’s been changed or added & where. i’ll talk about what got added & why in a bit, i want to speak just about the actual map, first.

i did my best to keep the main locations of hyrule as specified in the game in the same place, & i think did an okay job, tbh ! my biggest nitpick was just how many dang cliffs & rockfaces there are on the original map. i know they serve a purpose in-game, which is completely fair, but they limited worldbuilding a little by making the map so small, so i took some liberties. not with every cliff, of course - i kept some in the southwest to keep the border between gerudo valley & hyrule field intact, & kept the ridge the river runs through - partly for the sake of continuity, & partly because i’ve always loved the fact that falling into the river in the valley washes you down to the lake. expanding them into a new area was fun, too, because at least then they go somewhere, rather than just locking you in to a certain place.

my main point of contention, to be honest, was the giant rockface in south hyrule field. again, i understand why it was there, but, come on ! so i ended up just doing away with it all, letting it lead a path to two new areas i’d like to work into zelda’s canon. the map just fades out in certain places, too, particularly the gerudo desert, so i ended up expanding that a little more & having it lead into the cliffs above lake hylia - the river already runs from the valley to the lake, so why not have more of the desert lead into the mainland ? the mountains, too, got their range expanded, because they just seem so ... small, in canon, when they aren’t being used specifically as dungeon locations. i’d say the only place on the map i didn’t expand in some way is that little gap between zora’s domain & the kokiri forest - the forest is so hemmed in & the domain is literally inside a mountain, hidden behind a waterfall, so i was happy to just let that be empty space. if you manage to climb over the cliffs surrounding the domain, or break through the treetops in the forest, you get a view of the ocean, & that’s that !

it was fun to look at the maps of the games that came chronologically before this one & see how the position of things in hyrule change, but i’m kind of glad that there was only the three before ocarina of time, because the mountains alone move across the map at their leisure, good god. there was a bit of freedom in it, too, because in zelda’s canon timeline, the gods are going to flood hyrule anyway, so i could make whatever changes i wanted because it’s all gonna end up underwater & unseen in the end - plus, it meant i could add in more mountains to take up empty space on the map, because the hylians have to flee somewhere to escape the flood, & i don’t think the peak of death mountain could hold them all. most of the new locations were inspired by the minish cap, more than any other, so i’m going to start at the top of the map & move down to talk about them.

i always loved royal valley & the royal crypt in the minish cap, to be honest. it was spooky & cute, & i’m surprised it, or a concept like it, hasn’t made much of a comeback in later zelda games. the royal family’s tomb being in kakariko village never bothered me much as a kid ( other than the fact their headstone gets utterly destroyed & you get assaulted by what we can only assume are the zombies of previous hylian rulers ??? & then it’s just left open for anyone to stumble in & possibly loot slash get murdered by said zombies ??? actually, y’know what, this bothers me a lot more as an adult, what the fuck - ) but kakariko was a village founded by the sheikah, originally for the sheikah, so i did always find it a little strange that at some point, a ruler of hyrule went ❛ that’s cool, you do you, but make space for us in your graveyard. ❜ i know the history between the hylian royal family & the sheikah is implied to be murky ( thank you, shadow temple ) but that’s a meta for another day, so i’m not gonna go into too much detail, but it’s still something that sticks out as strange to me. call it the sheikah continuing to guard the royal family in death or whatever, but, hm. weird. anyway !

the point is, after the seven years war ends, zelda decides that what originally belonged to the sheikah should be given back to the sheikah. kakariko village was opened up to non-sheikah by impa prior to the rise of ganondorf, & that’s her perogative & not something zelda would ever dream of interfering with, but that applies to the living, & those who die within the village deserve to be buried in the same place. it takes time to get around to the rebuilding of hyrule castle & its’ town, but when it’s time to plan for it, zelda chooses to utilize the abandoned valley which lies behind the castle as the new home for the royal crypt, but not solely for that ! she establishes & sponsors a university on behalf of the royal family, with special consideration going to the preservation of hylian history ( a lot was lost in the hyrulean civil war prior to her birth, nevermind the seven year war following that so quickly, & we can see in other zelda games, such as twilight princess & breath of the wild, historical preservation within hyrule is ... terrible, to say the least. of course, it will all be washed away when the goddesses flood hyrule, but fuck, at least she tries. ) the university also covers a range of other subjects, but history is the one zelda takes an active interest in, & she spends a lot of time with scholars who specialize in it. the royal crypt lies at the very back of the valley, the university being closer to the castle, & then ... watch this space ! i’m likely to add more things to areas around the map in the future.

hyrule castle & hyrule castle town i’ve left in the same spots, pretty much - i imagine the castle is rebuilt to be something like the one we see at the bottom of the ocean in wind waker, but i intend to put my own spin on that, too. zelda wouldn’t be focused too much on getting a castle up agaiin ( i’ve mentioned in a thread before that two years post-ganondorf, she is still sheltering at impa’s house in kakariko village, as rebuilding for the civilians is her main priority, & whilst i haven’t figured out exactly how long that lasts for, it’s a safe bet to say a good few years ) & she definitely wouldn’t want to be living anywhere especially y’know, grandiose & opulent, if her people were still struggling day to day. the castle town bounces back better than ever, expanding a little more to the left over time, but that’s a gradual thing. no real change except a distinct lack of redeads, which is always a bonus !

death mountain & its immediate surroundings, i was happy to leave as they are - it’s marginally wonky in place compared to the original map but it’s not a severe drift from canon, so lets just pretend it sits a little more to the left, shhh. it’s a volcano built into a mountain with a network of caves both inside & adjacent to it, plus a place of worship built into the heart of it, & you can’t really go wrong with that, so i focused on all that empty space beyond them left on the map. minish cap came in clutch again, because by fuck, did they have a mountain range, so i ended up dipping in to it for the names of this one. the gorons are clustered at the forefront of the mountain because everything beyond their city has been mined to the absolute death by those who came before for its resources, & abandoned by the same in turn, but they still send patrols to make sure it’s fine. 

there’s a story of how, before the gorons settled into the mountain, a man of great strength climbed the mountain alone to make his home within it - he faced eruptions from a then-hostile death mountain, fought off the creatures who called the range home & weren’t fond of sharing, & forged on to what was said to be the edge of hyrule itself. it wasn’t, not quite, but it was far enough away from the central provinces of the kingdom that the mountains became capped with snow, contrasting the temperate mountains to the west. the story goes that the adventurer decided to call the furthest reaches of the mountain home, & singlehandedly carved out what would become the beginning of the mines, in order to gather materials for his forge. it’s been disputed whether said man was hylian or goron, as the biggoron family claim lineage from him, but the mountains he once inhabited are named for him now, & are one of the places zelda hid whilst on the run & masquerading as sheik - despite the extreme temperatures playing havoc with her & nearly killing her, it’s one of the harder to reach spots in hyrule, so it provided a measure of safety that other places could not. melari’s hold lies in the northeast, but the cold spot on the mountain travels further south than would be expected, resulting in a cold spot - the ice cavern - to the north of zora’s domain.

real quick, fuck zora’s domain. there was no way to make the water feature coming from here look decent, or properly portray the types of cliffs it’s surrounded by, so please don’t judge it too harshly. at the end of ocarina of time, zora’s domain is still said to be frozen, but recovering from the curse ganondorf placed on it, which, great ! i’m gonna say, i could be completely off here in how it works, but i wanted to change things up a little, so if i am, i don’t mind that much. i like a bit of artistic license. also, if we can have literal fish people, a genderless species made of rock, children who don’t grow up in a magical forest which horrifically warps those who don’t belong, & a giant fucking overworld field where the skeletons of what look like fucking children come out to fight you at night ? i’m okay with this reckoning being off a little.

so, eventually, zora’s domain unfreezes. i personally imagine, as ganondorf’s power ebbed from hyrule, that the process started slow, until one day, it wasn’t. it’s said that zora’s fountain is the source of all water in hyrule, with the domain lying under the mountain it rests on top of, & a few secret passageways here & there, which is fine, usually - the fountain never froze, just the domain beneath it. that becomes a problem, though, when the magical freeze put in place by ganondorf wears off, & the excess water from the melt ends up flooding the domain. not a problem from those who live within it, with the zora being essentially amphibian in nature, but when that excess water begins seeping out into the fountain, through cracks in the mountain, through the entrance granted to those affiliated with the royal family ? that all goes over the fountain, down the sleepless waterfall, through the river, & that river completely bursts its banks. the water level of the river rises significantly, washing away much of the path previously taken by those who wished to go to the domain on foot, causing minor flooding in hyrule field as it travels downstream, & resulting in the waters of lake hylia rising when the overflow reaches it, hence the lake being larger in my version of the map. the rebuilding of a path to zora’s domain ends up becoming one of the earliest projects zelda undertakes as queen but it’s a bit of a logistical nightmare for a while, considering that, with princess ruto ascended as a sage, zora’s domain is now in a succession crisis. does it have much bearing on zelda’s life ? not especially, but i thought it was a nice bit of worldbuilding, so here it is.

kokiri forest, the lost woods, & everything within doesn’t change much. with the dark magic vanquished from the forest, & the great deku sprout able to thrive, the forest continues to grow, & overgrow. it’s still dangerous to outsiders to go within, still dangerous for anyone to enter the lost woods without a fairy companion to guide them & save them from a grim fate, but the children of the forest do grow somewhat braver about stepping out from their home to see the rest of hyrule. it never lasts long - not all of the kokiri are as brave as link was, after all, & hyrule is so vast compared to what they’re used to - but it sparks their curiosity & their desire to explore hyrule which eventually trickles down to the wandering koroks.

the area to the south / southwest of the kokiri forest is entirely my invention. as i said, in-game, it’s just cliffs to hem you in & prevent you from breaking the boundaries of the world, but there’s none of that in roleplaying, so i just … did away with them entirely. part of this is lake hylia not being as hemmed in by these walls as it is in-game, opening up into a new river & streams which travel through the south & southeast. crossing this river leads to three paths - take middle path, & you may find yourself in what’s known as the rito village. now, i’ll say here, i know that the rito don’t technically appear in hyrule until after the great flood, when the zoras somehow sprout wings, but nintendo’s strange decisions don’t change the fact that there are many wonderful people in the zelda rpc who play rito characters with crossover verses that let them interact with those who play characters in other parts of the timeline. in order to better facilitate interactions with these roleplayers, i decided fuck it, rito village in ocarina of time. canon can be easily bent. if, however, i’m writing with someone who wants to adhere to strict canon, then it’s just other hylians who live within the village, & rito is just the name chosen for the village, with no connection to the as-of-yet-unevolved race, just a nice little coincidence. regardless of who lives in it, though, the village & its name are fixed here in a southern woodland, with the village nestled amongst the hills within.

cross the bridge to the south & take the third branch in the path, you’ll find yourself inside the bremen woods. i honestly haven’t got much to say about the bremen woods here, but it’s not because i don’t have ideas for it - i have another headcanon brewing concerning myths, fables & fairy tales within hyrule, because … i am just that type of nerd. about eighty percent of my blogs before this one involved fairy tale characters in some way. it is, as the kids say, extremely my shit, & i’d like to tie the bremen woods into that, so i’m going to save what i have to say for that headcanon, but don’t worry. it’ll probably be a lot smaller than this one. ( thank god, i hear you say. i know, i know. i’m still not sorry. )

cross the bridge, then, & take the first branch in the path, & you better have a sword with you. the castor wilds are a lawless place, which is fitting for the corner of the world where the last remnants of ganondorf’s forces lie. any that weren’t killed during the restoration of the kingdom were beaten back to the edge of the world, & it’s not a friendly place. the last of the monsters shelter in a run-down settlement known as dragmire’s hold, the last place where those who sympathize with the king of evil can speak freely, & it’s murder to get to. the entrance to the wilds is a marshy swamp, thanks to the run-off of lake hylia, but if you manage to get through the mire, the land begins to dry out until you reach the hold, where the earth struggles to bear fruit & it seems the grass refuses to grow. it is, in a few words, fucking grim, & as a result, the go-to place for banishments within the kingdom. zelda isn’t a fan of harsh punishments, but she’s no fool, not anymore, & she won’t abide those who plot to throw the kingdom back into chaos, be it in service of ganondorf, or their own selfish natures. it’s rare that anyone actually finds themselves wandering the castor wilds, unless they actively choose to adventure there, but it is a very good threat, considering its reputation as the land where the devils live.

jumping across the map entirely, we come to the cliffs of coroa to the left of lake hylia. another spot on the map which is notorious for being hard to reach, the cliffs are an inviting challenge to those who want to boast of their climbing skills & durability. if getting up the cliffs doesn’t kill you ( & there is a very real possibility that it will, especially if you fall, ‘cause this water ain’t soft ) the journey down might do it instead, & that’s if you survive your trip at the top. there has been rumours of a great treasure hidden away in the cliffs for years, though the debate on what it might be was pretty intense, if you got into it. for a time, some thought the legendary blade rested within the cliffs, & only those who could brave the rockface would be able to lay a hand on it; others argued that it contained more mundane, but still desirable, treasures, such as a great haul from a band of thieves, left behind when they were hunted down by the crown, growing only more valuable by the minute. some, with sense, said that the only thing atop the cliffs was certain doom for the morons who tried to make their way up them. the truth ? there’s nothing up there. sometimes, cliffs are just cliffs, & those who try to scale the ones facing lake hylia truly are fools. the gerudo people, however, had the right idea of how to get to them.

again, another aspect of canon i was happy to leave as it was. the gerudo desert is a vast, harsh swathe of land, continuously assailed by sandstorms, bordered to the north by what is called ❛ the great sand sea ❜ & to the south by the haunted wasteland, & it’s not hyperbole. spirit guides appear to those who seek the temple of the goddess of the sand, but very few have ever made it through the wasteland if they enter in pursuit of something else. one of the few who did was the gerudo heroine, ashai. a well respected warrior amongst them, ashai was the younger sister to the exalted rishika, the chief of the gerudo at the time, & one of the first to vow to conquer the wasteland & see what lay beyond the storm. though her sister cautioned against it, as tales of people becoming lost in the wasteland were not uncommon, ashai was a headstrong young woman, & she could not be swayed. she took with her a party of twelve, & in time, three returned to tell their story. ashai had forged a path through the ever-shifting sands & left it well enough marked that her companions were able to find their way back. it’s said that some succumbed to madness during the journey, tormented by the ghosts of the wasteland, whilst others fell ill whilst they traveled, choking on the sand which gathered in their lungs. seven of them made it through the wasteland to the valley which lay beyond, but ashai had grown sick during the crossing, & knew she would not make it back. instead, she spent the time she had left exploring the valley, & found a way through it to the peak of the cliffs of coroa. the legend says that is there she died, watching the sun rise atop the cliffs, speaking only of her sister, & her companions laid her to rest within the valley, which her sister then named in honour of her. whilst the gerudo are happy to let those who have proven themselves attempt the journey to the desert colossus, no outsiders are permitted to walk the valley of ashai, where a shrine was built for its namesake - it is considered sacred to them, & the journey to pay respects to ashai is now part of the trial given to those who wish to become chief of the gerudo, should the bloodline of the previous chief die.

that covers just about all the main areas & landmarks of hyrule, i think, so to move on to the last thing, the various settlements, villages, hamlets you see across the map. hyrule is a big place. yes, quite a few of the races are localized to certain areas, & yes, it’s entirely plausible the hyrulean civil war could have decimated the population, with the seven years war exacerbating that problem, but hyrule field just looked so … empty, once everything else was finished. so, rather than stick to a number of locales i can count on one hand, i threw a few more settlements across the map to try & make hyrule feel more like a real kingdom. not to breath of the wild’s extent, of course, but just something a little more than what was given. all those who survived the fall of hyrule castle town apparently fled to become refugees in kakariko village, which was opened to all by impa, which is fair, but i imagine as the world returned to something close to normality, & families started growing again, the village would quickly find itself overwhelmed. as queen, zelda would make it a priority to make sure none of her subjects go homeless - she knows all too well that struggle - & so she would begin a program to make sure there was enough villages or townships for every one of her subjects. those who volunteered would be given a set amount of money & plots of land across hyrule to build a home, which zelda would then personally visit to inspect, to make sure her people were thriving.

there’s little to say in detail about them all as of right now, as i’m still fleshing them out, but i have a few basic ideas. most of the settlements were named after the first to attach themselves to the project, but the names have the potential to evolve over time. they certainly won’t retain the hamlet / settlement status, that’s for sure. the offer wasn’t restricted to hylians, either - any other race in the land was free to join, though only a small number of gerudo accepted it, the others preferring to stay in their homes & travel as they need. ciela’s settlement was the one spearheaded by the gerudo who accepted zelda’s offer, hence its proximity to the valley. a lot of young men volunteered to go to this settlement, but zelda was happy to let ciela make her own call, & many were knocked back - only those with what ciela deemed viable skills were allowed in, & still, it’s very much a female dominated settlement, but it is thriving under her leadership, & blossoms into a successful village as time goes on. lon lon ranch is, well, lon lon ranch. with funding from the crown, talon was able to take on more staff & expand it at his leisure, but it is one of the very few places in hyrule which has stayed constant over time, & he was quite content to keep it that way, & zelda content with his decision. 

to the south of lon lon ranch lies damia village, the largest of all the settlements from its inception. led by a fearless young man who gave his name to the village, it is a hub of activity which could rival hyrule castle town. with damia came many like-minded people, all eager to forge their own path in the world & prove themselves as he had, as he had been part of the group which volunteered to help beat back the remnants of ganondorf’s forces. many of the families within damia village are the families of soldiers who work at the castle & it has gained a reputation for being a village full of strong, capable, trustworthy people. arborwood, which lies further to the south in a more rural location, is an outlier in that the one who volunteered to lead in this settlement didn’t wish to put their name to it - they didn’t want glory, just a place to call home where they could finally live in peace. arborwood is an agriculturally focused village, filled with farmers & those who possess green thumbs. a lot of trade is done between arborwood & all the other villages - everyone in hyrule became proficient at growing & hunting their own food in the past thirty years, as was necessary to survive, but it’s nice to have a place to get food from which specializes in high quality meat & crops. why hunt rabbits, when arborwood can provide venison ? 

last but not least, lynna’s hamlet, which settled at lake hylia at the request of the owner of the lakeside laboratory. as he was getting on in years, he wished to find someone to continue his work, & so specifically requested that any like-minded hylians settle close to the lake so that he could impart his wisdom & let them take over. he got quite a few more people volunteering than he bargained for, be they scientifically inclined, interested in cataloguing the history of lake hylia, or just desirous of a change in scenery. the smallest of the new settlements, lynna’s hamlet never truly flourished the way others did, but the buildings were never empty - as time went on & people began to move elsewhere, it became a popular spot for those who traveled the land to rest at when they came to the lake, with a very successful inn eventually being run by the lakeside, its doors open to any who wished to visit.

it’s not a lot of worldbuilding when it all comes down to it, compared to other things, but this is something that i’ve wanted to do for a long time. as i’ve mentioned in the section regarding the bremen woods, more headcanons are likely to follow regarding places on the map & how they change & evolve as time passes during zelda’s rule, but for now, there’s this ! something which makes hyrule feel less empty than what it was before, whilst still respecting canon, somewhat which was the goal all along. if you’ve made it this far, holy shit, go outside & feel the sun on your face. it’s been eighty-four years - but i can’t thank you enough for reading ! at least next time, the headcanon won’t be so long. i hope.

[sunbellylou]

ask for writers !!

thank you @tomlinvelvetfics​ for tagging me! and thank you @soldouthaz for making this tag!

1. describe how you first started writing and when you first posted: i’ve been writing for years now, i started with het (ew!) 1d fics in portuguese back in 2011, it was actually those little imagines we used to write, don’t know if anyone remembers hehe. i posted them on a facebook page i was part of and i remember the first thingy i wrote was something with niall, but i really don’t remember any details (but was probably bad as heck since i was 11).

my first larry fic i probably wrote around 2012 when i found out the gay fanfics world haha, i don’t remember what it was or anything tbh, in my head i always wrote and posted gay fanfic.

my first fanfic in english was a little one shot (like 400 words honestly), it was a translation of a previous work i wrote portuguese. i posted it a year and a half ago and it’s called playground love (please don’t look).

2. which of your characters do you typically resonate most closely with? do you base any characters off of yourself?:  i usually write from harry’s pov because i love love l o v e describing louis and how angelic he is, so usually i tend to see louis as this ethereal ish character, cause it’s usually about harry falling in love with him. so whether i like it or no, i tend to be closer to harry’s characters in my fics, i always like to put a bit of myself on him and make the character real, you know?

3. where do you often find inspiration?: honestly? anything! i’ve written fics inspired by tumblr posts, tweets, pictures, songs, movies, things that happened in my real life, books. i literally wrote a pwp because i couldn’t stop thinking about leather pants (go read my robin hood au).

4. has quarantine helped or hindered your writing process?: in the beginning it was really helping me, i’d stay up till 4am everyday just writing like crazy, but then i got into the worst writer’s block and didn’t write shit for months. (and of course right when i started getting new ideas, i started working so i have no free time).

5. do you listen to music/noise while you write or do you prefer silence? always listen to music, all the time. i can’t do anything without music. mostly because my brain is a mess and music helps me concentrate. i usually go for some chill songs, some indie pop and stuff.

6. what is your biggest writing pet peeve in your writing or in general?: oh my god, when i’m writing and two or more paragraphs start with the same word, one after the other. it drives me crazy!!!! and sometimes i spend hours looking for ways to word differently the sentences, just so i don’t have two paragraphs starting with “the”.

also when my paragraphs are two (or one) lines long, i can’t! it has to have three or more lines.

7. describe your ideal writing setup: at the dining table, in the middle of the night, with some soft music playing in the background and some popcorn with me!

8. favorite time of day to write?: well, just said it hehe i like writing at night.

9. favorite genre to write + one you’d like to try writing in the future?: woah, that’s tough because i literally write any genres! i really love writing fantasy and horror stuff, but i feel like it’s not really well accepted in the fandom? (spec horror). and when people like it, they only read from bigger authors so i usually keep myself from writing those. aaand tbh i probably already wrote most of fic genres out there, so there isn’t much left to try.

10. do you struggle with writer’s block? how do you typically overcome it?  i’m writer’s block bitch and i do not know how to overcome her

11. what is the easiest part of your writing process and the most difficult? outlining tbh, i usually don’t (and it comes back to kick me in the ass). i always have too many ideas at the same time and can’t stick to one, so outlining and finding the right plot is really hard.

12. how do you come up with original characters? (if applicable): lately i haven’t really had the chance to come up with ocs, but when i wrote original books (not fanfics and stuff), i usually started with the gender and one outstanding personality trait and went from there.

13. what is your favorite and least favorite word?  i love the words ethereal and breeze, omg you’ll find them A LOT on my fics. and my least favorite word is growl.

14. what is one thing about your writing that you’re really proud of and one thing you hope to continue working at?: i think i describe the vibez in the scene really well, it’s my favorite thing to do. and i need to work more on building my sentences, because theyre always supermessy.

15. what work of yours has your favorite ‘verse/world building? how did you come up with it?:  definitely the fic i’m working on right now! i’m putting so much work on the world building since it’s a fantasy fic, so i’m planning every little detail about it. i hope other people like it too when they read it !!

16. what font and size do you write in? single spaced or double?: comic sans, 12pt, single spaced. don’t come at me.

17. what is a typo(s) you find yourself making consistently?: because english isn’t my first language, i always change like ‘th’ for ‘d’ (because it has a similar sound in portuguese), so catch me typing ‘de’ instead of ‘the’ or ‘dey’ instead of ‘they’.

18. (if applicable) do you separate fic writing from fandom?: i didn’t understand the question so i’m pretending i never read it hehe

19. what emotion is your favorite to write? which is the most difficult?: my favorite to write is probably,,, love/adoration, like harry looking at louis like he’s the whole world and thinking about how amazing he is? i love it.

and the most difficult is probably anger, i find it really hard to write like fights and stuff like that because usually i make the characters sound more sad than angry.

20. what is one thing you hope readers always take away from your works?: i never thought about that but,,, i hope they start finding joy in small things that happen in their day. that’s something i use a lot in my fics and i think it’s very important to bring it to real life. like enjoy that late night tea, showering in the morning, spending a summer day in the house, cleaning, etc.

21. what is the best and worst writing advice you’ve ever received?: i think the best advice is one i got from someone i no longer talk to, they told me this when i first started writing in english and it is to stop trying to write fancy or like native english speakers, because it’s much better to write simple sentences that i’m confident about than write sentences with words i barely know how to use.

and the worst advice is TO OUTLINE! i know i should maybe i dont know but leave me alone, i hate outlining bye

22. which one of your works would you most want to see turned into a film/television show?:  ok so,,, it’s a book i wrote like three years ago with original characters. it’s called great evil and i wrote it in portuguese. it’s full of violence and acid humor, about a very evil and sarcastic demon and an angry hunter. (one day i’ll translate that book and turn it into a larry fic)

23. do you write scenes chronologically or out of order?: chronologically. always

24. how do you handle criticism?: really bad. please be careful with what words you use. i’m already really hard on myself when it comes to my writing, so sometimes someone says something and (it might be dramatic but) i feel my world crumbling and i want to stop writing right away.

25. what is the advice you would give to someone who is looking to start writing?:  just,,, do it. there’s no right or wrong way to do it. there’s no such thing as too much or too little, bad or good plots. every idea is a good idea. write it for yourself, write something you like. go ahead and just do it. there’s always someone out there who will enjoy your work, no matter what.

26. what kind of feedback on your work always makes your day?: any comments make my day tbh, if you comment on my fic i’ll be forever grateful and will be smiling like a fool the whole day. honestly, even a “omg i loved it” comment can make my day.

27. which fic ‘verse of your own would you most like to exist in? which fic’s characters would you most like to befriend?: the one i’m writing 100%, please i want to live in a fantasy world. i wanna live in the water kingdom and have faerie louis as my king please.

and i’d like to befriend louis from my fic kiss me in your chevrolet, he’s a sweetheart and i must protecc.

28. what do you always enjoy getting asks about/wish people would ask about more?: anything! i rarely get asks so anything is good hehe

29. what has writing added to your life? how has it changed you?: it’s such a big part of my life, i spent all my teenage years writing and it really is what built my personality. it helped me being more creative with all aspects of my life and take life lightly, enjoy little things and moments. 

30. why do you write?: i just love having ideas and putting out there, playing with words and finding new ways to describe daily things.

boost yourself + tags!

1a. share the last sentence you wrote:

The path through the dense forest, covered in slippery rocks and burning trees is already difficult enough, but it becomes ten times worse when you’re being pestered by small, demonic creatures. 

2a. describe the wip you’re most excited about:

i’m honestly only working on one fic right now and i’m super duper excited about it

3a. share the piece of dialogue from one of your works you’re most proud of:

"I mean, I still don't plan on watching Star Wars, so…" 

The boy groans playfully, throwing his head back and Louis' eyes are suddenly really interested in the column of the guy's throat. 

"Americans really have no culture." He shoulders Louis slightly, warmth spreading through Louis' dainty shoulder and making him trip to the side lightly. With a faux outraged scoff, Louis waves a dismissing hand. 

“What do British people know about culture? All you do is drink tea and talk about the weather all day,” Louis teases with a mischievous gleam in his eyes. “Also, Star Wars is American, just so you know.” He rolled his eyes playfully, feeling surprisingly comfortable in his presence.

Skater Boy sighs comically, shaking his head, his wavy locks falling gracefully on the sides of his face and Louis can’t stop thinking about how soft his hair must be. 

“You got me there.”

not posted but i kinda like it (i’m not really good with dialogues, so it was really hard to find one lmao)

4a. share the best first and last lines from your work(s): I will do only those that are already published:

best first lines are from a halloween fic i never finished: 

Louis’ blue eyes snap open. His heart pounds fast inside his rib cage, making something as easy as breathing almost impossible. Sweat drenches his body and he feels like drowning. He feels too awake and wary as his breathing calms down, as well as his grips on the sheets under him loosen.

best last lines are from my 2019 BLFF there’s more than one place to call home: 

Their life was utter chaos, and they were definitely complete opposites, and sometimes Harry wished Louis would just shut the hell up, but at the same time, Harry wouldn’t change a single thing about his life, because he had Louis, and that was all that mattered to him. 

5a. link the last fic you read: it was the devil's in the details by @raspberryoatss​

6a. link the last work you published: you could take a lick (but it’s too cold to bite me)

7a. link to your ao3 (if applicable): cinnamons

8a. someone that inspires you: louis hehe 

9a. a comfort fic/work that you’ve been grateful for this year: tbh i don’t read a lot of fics, but there’s this work a friend of mine wrote. it was in portuguese and she ended up deleting it but it’s amazing.

10a. other writers that you’d like to tag! @bottomlwt @raspberryoatss 

[kinglegolas]

i was tagged by @romaanovas​ & @florenepugh​ (thanks harls & ashlyn! 💖) to answer the following 73 questions!

answers are under the cut x

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? well there’s not really a lot going on at the moment and idk wtf i’m doing so i would say a low 5 lol

describe yourself in a hashtag? #couldbeworse

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? oof chris evans i guess

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? idk lol

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? most people irl know this, but i donated my eggs to my cousin a couple of years ago. the kid is the spitting image of my brother lol

what’s your wake up ritual? i lay in bed for a while on my phone then i get up, use the bathroom, wash my face & brush my teeth (if it’s the weekend or i don’t have work i might even have breakfast lol) (also at the moment since i’m literally just at home all the time, i’ll shower in the morning before i brush my teeth (i’m usually a night showerer))

what’s your go to bed ritual? i might watch a tv and then spend way too long on my phone, realise i should’ve gone to sleep hours ago and then spend ages trying to fall asleep lol

what’s your favorite time of day? evening

your go to for having a good laugh? brooklyn nine nine probably

dream country to visit? i wanna go to the us (specifically florida so i can go to the wizarding world of harry potter), but i’d also love to go back to australia

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? umm i can’t think of like any times i’ve had a surprise, but i guess there was the time when i really wanted niall horan m&g tickets but missed out, then someone was selling hers and was gonna give it to me but then didn’t (thank GOD bc she ended up scamming her OWN FRIEND, bitch that could been ME getting scammed!), but then one of my friends ended up having a spare that she sold me and the seats we had were MIDDLE FRONT ROW. also it was the day after my birthday and niall wished me happy birthday and it was the best even though i was so awkward when i met him lol. does this count as a surprise even though i did have to pay her back coz i mean i didn’t expect the seats to be middle front row and also didn’t even expect to get m&g at all lol

heels or flats/sneakers? flats/sneakers, my go to is my white converse, love those lil bitches. i do think heels are gorgeous but ouch my feet

vintage or new? both!

who do you want to write your obituary? idk

style icon? zendaya probably

what are three things you cannot live without? books, internet, family

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? honestly just mixed herbs lol, depending on the dish of course

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? chris evans, sebastian stan & harry styles

what’s your biggest fear in life? dying lol. also spiders

window or aisle seat? window

what’s your current tv obsession? terrace house

favorite app? instagram

secret talent? it’s not that secret? but i can sing ok i guess... don’t love to actually sing in front of people though lmao

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? idk, probably just going to sydney with my cousin? w/o like actual adult supervision lol

how would you define yourself in three words? sarcastic, nice, homebody

favorite piece of clothing you own? hmm, maybe this blue jumper i’m wearing rn

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? denim jacket

a superpower you would want? teleportation! imagine the places you could go and the money you would save! alternatively, general magic would be cool (hp style, then i could apparate too lol)

what’s inspiring you in life right now? uhh nothing really lol

best piece of advice you’ve received? idk

best advice you’d give your teenage self? be more confident and do more fun things

a book everyone should read? the harry potter series

what would you like to be remembered for? being a nice, good person

how do you define beauty? i think beauty is different for everyone, especially in terms of aesthetics and appearances, but there’s also inner beauty which i think comes from generally being a good person

what do you love most about your body? idk? my eyes maybe?

best way to take a rest/decompress? self-care! face masks, baths, listening to music or reading

favorite place to view art? galleries i guess

if your life was a song, what would the title be? idk lol

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? piano! i took lessons for like two terms when i was in primary school but gave up bc i though the songs i was learning were boring and basic BUT I WISH I’D JUST STUCK WITH IT! also if i could actually get better at guitar, that would be nice too

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? i already have one on my upper back but i would love for it to be changed into something else, otherwise maybe below my inner elbow?

dolphins or koalas? koalas

what’s your spirit animal? i just took some random quiz and got deer so that i guess lol

best gift you’ve ever received? my mum got me a guitar for my 15th birthday (which, by the way, was almost 10 years ago and i caNNOT believe that)

best gift you’ve given? i made two of my best friends scrapbooks about our friendships for both of their 21st birthdays

what’s your favorite board game? game of life or cards against humanity

what’s your favorite color? lilac

least favorite color? brown

diamond or pearls? diamonds

drugstore makeup or designer? bit of both

blow-dry or air-dry? both

pilates or yoga? yoga

coffee or tea? coffee but i also love tea

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? lackadaisical

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? milk chocolate babey

stairs or elevators? elevators

summer or winter? summer

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? nachos!!

a dessert you don’t like? banana split. i HATE bananas

a skill you’re working on mastering? i can’t really think of anything in particular?

best thing to happen to you today? it’s like 12:30pm and i’ve not done much, but i’ll be watching prisoner of azkaban with @thewinterrsoldier​ soon so that’ll be fun 😊

worst thing to happen to you today? nothing yet lol

best compliment you’ve ever received? idk, i’m struggling to think of times i’ve been complimented tbh (i also don’t have that great of a memory tbh)

favorite smell? rain, or the smell just before it rains. or this strawberry poundcake body moisturiser i had. ooh or the raspberry body butter from the body shop lol

hugs or kisses? both

if you made a documentary, would it be about? animals or space or something lol

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? harry potter lol

lipstick or lipgloss? lipstick

sweet or savory? sweet

girl crush? margot robbie

how do you know your in love? no idea

a song you can listen to on repeat? it’s hard to narrow it down! i’m just gonna with clean or blank space by taylor swift

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? maybe margot robbie? just so i could see what it’s like to be THAT beautiful wow

what are you most excited for about this time in your life? figuring out what the fresh fuck to do i guess but that’s also kind of scary lol

tagging: @louvegoods @buckyperalta @damerondjarin @james-barnes @vintersoldier @vcastiel @yodababe @ctrls @tomhollandd @romanoft @astoriamalfxy + anyone else who would like to do this. also feel free to ignore! x

[mrschandlerbing]

Goodbye 2019, You were eh... remarkable.

I started my 2019 totally different person. And I could probably speak for everyone we are different people now.

But why am I writing this now? I will explain that to you now. So grab something to eat sit back and relax. 

My bad year actually started back in September 2018. I started 5th grade in high-school. I was unexceptionally happy about the fact I was starting in that class it meant that I was about to learn a whole lot. Let's just say that I did. 

Not only subject matter but also about myself. 

Like I said I started my year in 5th grade. I thought it was going to be my best year. 

That was until everything went downhill...

I was sat in a class of with 3 others. (I go to a special school for people with physical disabilities that’s why the groups are small) All of them were boys one of them I’ve known for about 10 years (Let’s call him Landon)  and the others (I call them Nate and Zach) I’ve known them for around 4 years so I kinda knew what they were capable of. ( turns out I REALLY WASN’T prepared for the storm they were about to put me through)

For the first month, it was quite alright. it was fun and games. Good teacher, guys joking around throwing some harsh jokes, sometimes on the racist side (I will get you back on that.)  But everything started to go downhill when preparations started for the internship we were about to have, starting in September 2019. 

We were asked to dig down and find out our best and our worst qualities, our talents and the things we were absolutely bad at. That’s quite innocent I thought back then. Every now and then we had to share something with the class. All okay. But with exposing yourself comes a certain vulnerability and I felt that I was walking up against my own walls. For years I thought I was living quite alright that I had myself figured out. Once I realized that this was nothing like it, I started to fall into that endless pit. 

I suppose you're wondering where did Nate, Zach and Landon get into this story?

I'm getting there...

it’s not a secret that these days people are actually fearing change. That our society is filled with fear that our society is run by it. The strong are fed by fear. It’s no secret. WWI and WWII were huge examples of that. Oh, hell what am I talking about, no! Look at ISIS. Men and women severely brainwashed and played upon by their fears.  Where did it lead them? 

Imprisoned, crippled and still left with the idea that murdering people because they’re different because they love differently or believe differently in the name of God. 

As a Muslim myself (IDK if I can call myself that TBH seeing I know more about what it is to be a Christian than a Muslim and it’s Ironic and I feel a huge amount of guilt now that I am writing it. I think this is a disadvantage of attending a Christian school). 

You know, let’s just say that I’m a believer. Sound good? Thought so. Anyways, this brings me to my next point. 

Up until a few months ago, I was loud and clear about my beliefs I used to wear with it proud. Don’t get me wrong I still do, I always will, forever! 

But that faith has gotten a serious dent by my surroundings, by social media and my classmates. Why was that? Because I was laughed at.

I believe that God as put me on this planet for a reason. For a purpose. Even though I haven't found my purpose yet. We humans were originally created to take care of each other and our surroundings. (WE ARE FAILING BADLY AT THAT).  

Anyways it's not my point.

I was already falling Into that endless pit. And my classmates made it harder for me. Like, weeks I was trying my best to make my classmates like me. I would do that in ways that were hurting my values. The biggest one was, being myself. I felt like I had to change myself to meet up to their standards which lead me into making bad decisions. 

This leads me to the part were my fear consumed me. That fear was being forgotten. Not being noticed. and I started being very impulsive saying things, my opinions if you will, about everything dear to my heart at the time. Giving your opinion there’s nothing bad with that. But I have to admit I did it in a way that is not considered polite. 

To finally got my point, if you’ve read this far Thank you, you’re truly remarkable.

I wasn’t feeling very good in my skin. Everything that felt like the slightest insult to me made me go off like a nuclear bomb. It would scare off my teachers and my classmates. also, may I remind you I was the only girl in a class full of boys and GOD FORBID A WOMAN TO BE SMARTER AND STRONGER. My classmates, especially Nate, saw that I was struggling. So, for him, it was fun to racist comments and bring down my whole belief system. and often he would drag along Zach with him to make it worse. Landon would often keep himself hidden in the background often being ashamed of his friends but not standing up against them either. 

I can’t blame Landon though, it’s hard being in a group where toxic masculinity rules...

Anyways, I’d often apologise for my behaviour and I would often admit that I can be very impulsive. That I can be very mean at times. But I think for them hurting me was a fun game. because half of the time they would throw parties invite everyone except for me. Put pictures on facebook and laugh their asses off about something that happened back at that party. (May I inform you that one of those guests ended up naked on a bathroom floor peeing himself because of the amount of beer he drank? :-] ) But for me, that was a hit.

I was sat there crying my two best friends around me. So you might think What is this bitch complaining about now? If you do, you’re not the first. My classmates thought too. The thing was just, I didn’t feel respected I felt like dirt for them. Because there were countless times I’d help them out with their homework or send them my notes so that they could study easier. but here I am rejected and humiliated. 

Once I recovered from that disaster. I tried to get my shit together it went well for a couple days. They laid off. 

 But who could’ve said a simple cardgame would’ve given me my breakpoint? Exactly no one. Neither did I. 

Bear with me on this...

At that time we had a substitute teacher. He originally studied to be a biology teacher. So having to teach a class who has to make PowerPoints and Word documents daily must’ve been something new for him. It was no surprise to me he was overwhelmed half of the time and he couldn’t navigate in the cold claws of my classmates. He wanted to be the cool teacher and he was, he still is. 

But my point is he was lost and I was fearful. The teacher was explaining what was about to happen. 

So, basically, it was a normal card game. My classmates had to give a card with every 5 good qualities and 5 bad qualities. I even jokingly said “Oh, oh” implying something bad was about to happen. oh, boy is my gut feeling always right.

It was fun at first. I was kind. I was lifting up my classmates up only giving them positive once. But then Nate kinda caught up and took it as his moment to suck the attention to him.  So Nate started tossing bad cards. Zach thought it was funny cause I was pretty much unarmed. I had no intentions of hurting my classmates. Never.  

But once Nates started Zach kept adding. Nate kept adding. Landon was quiet. The teacher was completely lost for words to not knowing to interfere. They kept adding and adding.  Landon started placing cards too, bless the boy's heart only good once. 

I was lost for words. My throat was hurting. I felt tears come up. The teacher looked at me, asking if I was okay. But all I heard was them laughing them adding cards. 

complainer

mean

weak

cryer

sensitive

not funny

boring

They kept coming. I felt humiliated. The remaining parts of my confidence were shattered. There was nothing left 

BOOM.

I reached the bottom of the pit. There it was complete darkness. All I felt were tears streaming my breath was gone I couldn’t breathe. 

Was I being overdramatic? 

Perhaps, a little. 

But did it hurt? 

YES, IT DID.

That incident lead to my mother coming to school with me the following day. My teacher looked at us really confused when she saw my mom. I’d say it was normal. But that one day made my trust in adults really hard it was practically gone. 

Instead of calling them out. She looked at me. and the one thing she said. “I will discuss this with other teachers. Because I have a feeling that is what I have to do.” My blood boiled. My mom wasn’t happy either but what were we supposed to do? 

Indeed nothing. like yeah, we could talk back. But it was no use. I had a feeling she didn’t want to do anything about it. and nothing really happened. Things stayed like they were. I felt dead inside and I’d often cry. For every time I had a day off or I had a break. I’d be in bed most of the time or I’d try to distract myself by working for school. 

It changed ‘till one given day where we had religion. To close up the year the teacher asked us what hurts us the most and what faith means to me. 

So wrote it down and gave my answer. At that moment I basically exploded. the class fell silent. Not a word was said again. I was crying so hard I was literally choking in my own words. 

As I was explaining the whole situation my teacher smiled kindly at me and she just said. “You know sweetheart. People will always have an opinion about you. Always. It doesn't matter what you do and what you don’t do they always will. Have an opinion.” She started. “It’s only up to you what you let inside. I think it’s time for you to let go because you’re a remarkable girl. You’ll only be able to do that if you make this wall for yourself where you filter out the negatives and I’m sure you’ll feel much better.” she ended. It sounded so simple. But it took me a while to get there. But the first step that she let me take was to write a letter to myself first. a letter where I told myself how amazing and remarkable I am. 

and from that day on my mental health has only approved. I’m still in the same class with the same people. But none of them dares to open their mouth anymore. because I’m better and stronger than ever.

This year was for me a year I’d rather bury deep and forget because now I am only looking forward and trusting on my own gut feeling. Because I know that I am amazing. I am smart and from now on no man will get me so low again. NO ONE WILL. 

2019 you were ehh.. remarkable, but nothing is the same anymore. Thank you and GOODBYE.

[melodiiousnocturne]

(  dylan  wang  ,  cismale  ,  he  /  him  ,  kingdom  hearts  )  *  &.  i  know  it  must  be  scary  for  you  ,  demyx  ,  after  surviving  the  takeover  .  to  turn  into  someone  like  myde  lu  ,  a  twenty-one  year-old  part  time  clerk  at  the  hq  and  part  time  instructor  at  the  record  scratch  ,  right  here  in  castle  town  .  just  remember  that  you  are  as  easygoing  as  you  are  indolent  ,  and  to  be  wary  ,  be  safe  ,  be  true  to  who  you  are  :  neutral  through  and  through  .

hi  as  i  said  in  gc  ,  this  is  one  big  tl;dr  i’m  a  demyx  stan  !

BEFORE  CASTLE  TOWN.

where  do  i  begin

demyx  —  number  ix  in  organization  xiii  (  demyx  vc  :  are  we  still  gonna  call  ourselves  organization  xiii  now  that  there’s  14  of  us  ?  )  he  is  ...  lazy  .  arguably  the  most  cowardly  of  the  bunch  ,  doesn’t  like  fighting  ,  and  would  rather  nap  or  play  music  .

that  being  said  ...  despite  his  very  emotional  exterior  in  comparison  ,  we  have  seen  that  he  can  get  just  as  serious  /  dark  like  the  rest  of  them  if  he  really  needs  to  ...  

idk  i  have  a  lot  of  feelings  .

he’s  very  ??  idk  how  to  explain  it  bt  like  .  “  what’s  in  it  for  me  ?  ”  (  as  we  really  see  in  kh3  )  &  like  .  i  wld  say  he  is  a  mix  of  ravenclaw  /  slytherin  just  .  minus  the  whole  cutthroat  ambition  of  slytherin  etc ��bc  tbh  that  isn’t  him  .  he’s  kinda  just  along  for  the  ride  .  i  am  rejecting  those  MoM  theories  and  i’m  not  sorry  ab  it  idc  if  they  say  it’s  true  ,  i  REFUSE  .

i  feel  like  since  demyx  allegedly  never  remembered  his  somebody  life  ,  he  probably  didn’t  care  as  much  ab  the  whole  kingdom  hearts  thing  because  he  didn’t  drink  the  kool-aid  because  like  why  would  he  want  a  life  that  he  doesn’t  even  remember  you  know  ??  plus  it’s  —  he  already  knew  xemnas  &  saïx  were  fucken  lying  when  they  said  the  nobodies  didn’t  have  hearts  JKDWJHSNS  why  did  he  need  to  be  a  somebody  to  regain  a  heart  when  he  believed  he  already  had  one  !!!

whatever  ....  lmao

anyway  demyx  in  the  manga  was  honestly  a  mood  and  a  half  i  adore  him

when  he  was  brought  back  to  the  organization  for  kh3  ,  he  was  made  into  a  seeker  of  darkness  —  meaning  baby  water  boy  got  NORTED  .  his  ears  didn’t  appear  to  be  pointed  in  some  way  (  like  the  others  )  so  it’s  safe  to  say  he  didn’t  get  as  much  of  xehanort’s  heart  placed  inside  of  him  .  bt  it  was  enough  to  turn  his  pretty  blue  eyes  into  that  ominous  gold  .

regardless  ,  he  was  benched  despite  going  through  that  whole  process  which  like  i  HIGHLY  doubt  is  an  easy  one  to  even  do  (  so  good  on  demyx  for  being  strong  enough  to  withstand  it  ,,,  )  bt  it’s  !  to  be  noted  !  because  he  felt  bitter  ab  being  demoted  after  ,  and  ofc  with  a  mystery  incentive  from  vexen  ,  demyx  finally  took  the  offer  of  backstabbing  the  organization  (  read  :  it  goes  back  to  what  i  said  ab  him  being  like  well  what’s  in  it  for  me  .....  since  before  he  got  apparently  satisfied  enough  ,  he’s  like  uhhhh  sorry  bt  have  u  seen  what  happens  to  idiots  who  betray  these  guys  lol  like  idk  ab  all  that  )

so  basically  self-preservation  of  a  slytherin  .  there  i  said  it  !  plot  twist  he  isn’t  a  coward  ,  he’s  just  smart  enough  to  not  throw  himself  head  first  into  danger  .  go  figure  ,  right  ?  like  look  alright  he  may  be  comedic  relief  bt  ...  he  is  also  more  than  that  !

in  the  organization  he  was  known  to  kinda  be  a  bully  /  play  pranks  /  manipulate  others  into  doing  his  work  for  him  bt  at  the  end  of  the  day  he  ??  isn’t  like  .  REALLY  a  bad  guy  or  whatever  .  saying  it  was  the  pressure  of  the  organization  is  dulling  everything  down  ,  because  he  still  actively  chose  to  do  what  he  did  and  didn’t  do  and  i  will  hold  him  responsible  for  it  ,  bt  .  u  know  .  shit  happens  !

like  we  have  canon  evidence  he  wld  join  in  xigbar  when  it  comes  to  the  more  like  .  idk  i  guess  harsher  teasing  ?  and  all  ?  and  like  again  demyx  made  the  conscious  choice  to  go  along  w  it  so  he  isn’t  innocent  bt  ,  i  firmly  stand  by  saying  demyx  unintentionally  looked  up  to  xigbar  despite  even  ‘  fighting  ’  with  him  ,  bc  ..  well  .  i  stan  them  being  a  That  duo  .  because  to  me  ,  he’s  just  a  prankster  who  wants  a  laugh  ..  even  at  the  expense  of  another  ..  which  yea  idk  still  yikes  ...  bt  it  isn’t  like  ,  malicious  ..  when  he  is  on  his  own  ..  imo .  i  mean  take  the  days  manga  ,  he  puts  a  whoopee  cushion  on  axel’s  chair  ?  bitch  pls  ..

(  also  quick  going  back  to  him  being  strong  enough  to  accept  getting  norted  —  please  just  remember  ....  nobodies  aren’t  even  supposed  to  exist  !  they  only  technically  form  when  the  person  who  lost  their  heart  is  strong-willed  &  tbh  ?  i  think  it  speaks  volumes  for  demyx  bc  despite  the  show  he  puts  on  ,.....  he  is  there  .  )

alright  so  look  i  know  i  sound  like  i  am  in  denial  of  the  MoM  stuff  and  that  mayhaps  be  so  .  however  there’s  definitely  smthin  off  .  like  we  KNOW  he  can  be  uhhhh  a  pos  like  the  remark  he  has  in  days  ab  how  the  castle  that  never  was  is  quieter  without  everyone  who  was  eliminated  at  castle  oblivion  ,  bt  —  it  was  always  a  really  weird  line  to  me  because  he’s  always  been  branded  as  the  most  emotional  of  the  organization  /  the  one  who  adamantly  believed  they  had  hearts  the  whole  time  ?  which  .  inch  resting  !  i  wld  like  to  formally  say  ONE  OF  THESE  is  a  fucken  coping  mechanism  of  sorts  or  smthin  bc  it’s  really  ...  a  lot  and  nothing  makes  sense  and  like  that’s  the  entirety  of  kh  lore  in  a  nutshell  bt  ya  .  like  i  think  it  ties  into  the  whole  self-preservation  thing  bc  it’s  like  ,  wow  they  really  went  and  got  themselves  fucken  murked  ...  how  dumb  ...  bt  at  the  same  time  bc  like  again  the  biggest  pusher  for  #nobodieshavehearts  ,  it’s  like  “  oh  that’s  depressing  ”  &  like  .  a  mess  .

idk  what  else  to  say  for  this  besides  he  was  really  great  at  recon  &  apparently  was  a  keyblade  wielder  in  the  past  !  which  subsequently  makes  me  emo  on  main  bc  he’s  really  out  here  like  lmao  nah  that’s  ...  it’s  cool  bt  like  hm  idk  sounds  like  kinda  fake  u  know

again  fuck  canon  if  it  does  u  know  what

AFTER  CASTLE  TOWN.

where  do  i  begin  ,  chapter  2

now  myde  is  actually  my  hc  somebody  name  for  demyx  so  like  going  off  that  it  technically  is  his  real  first  name  ....  he  just  doesn’t  know  that  bc  although  he  survived  this  ,  he  didn’t  uh  really  remember  his  old  somebody  life  so  like  lmao  fuck  all  honestly  this  life  could  be  his  real  life  for  all  he  knows

except  he  does  know  it  isn’t

so  like  he’s  ??  more  of  a  somebody  in  castle  town  opposed  to  a  nobody  meaning  he  !  has  a  whole  fucken  heart  now  !  although  because  his  eyes  are  still  indeed  gold  ,  he’s  kinda  like  well  shit  is  old  man  xehanort  still  in  there  too

anyway  myde  lu  ..  my  son  ...  the  memories  of  castle  town  life  are  .  something  else  .  he  grew  up  with  a  single  mother  who  worked  odd  jobs  here  and  there  struggling  to  make  money  to  provide  .  so  while  demyx  is  like  ah  fuck  working  i  don’t  wanna  fucken  do  this  ,  he  got  two  part  time  jobs  the  moment  he  could  to  help  her  out  .  because  even  if  she  isn’t  his  real  mother  ,  it’s  ???  really  nice  to  have  someone  caring  ab  him  :/

he  rooms  with  neko  /  noriko  now  because  an  ad  on  craigslist  bt  he  still  sends  some  of  his  paychecks  &  like  whatever  money  cut  he  gets  from  the  troubvdours  (  also  ,  ironically  from  a  fucken  craigslist  ad  !  )  etc  to  castle  town  mom  bc  honestly  life  in  castle  town  has  kinda  uh  .  made  him  like  .  wow  wait  fuck  haha  oh  man  i  actually  ????  i  can’t  just  nap  and  play  music  and  do  whatever  i  want  ??????  like  i  mean  he  still  does  bt  castle  town  memories  /  the  life  he  was  forced  into  here  made  him  arguably  more  responsible  even  though  he  is  still  a  little  shit  and  completely  at  the  same  time  not  that  responsible  in  the  slightest

it’s  like  .  fake  getting  ur  life  together

idk  he  doesn’t  like  all  the  work  like  he’s  exhausted  bt  it’s  paired  simultaneously  with  he  ?  kinda  also  doesn’t  mind  it  solely  bc  there’s  like  ,,  a  benefit  from  it  ?  like  with  the  two  part  time  jobs  (  which  one  is  being  a  music  instructor  like  i  feel  as  if  he  doesn’t  consider  that  one  much  of  a  job  bc  he  gets  to  play  music  !!  )  it’s  being  able  to  help  the  poor  soul  who  got  stuck  as  his  ‘  caretaker  ’  KKDKWJSJSJ  and  with  the  band  it’s  .  bc  he  is  passionate  ab  music  and  again  although  exhausting  he  loves  to  do  it

boy’s  chaotic  neutral  as  always  bt  i  suppose  castle  town  is  bringing  out  those  hidden  good  tendencies

hmm  he  is  forever  bitter  ab  the  fact  he  didn’t  get  his  sitar  tho  ....  what  the  fuck  is  he  gonna  do  w  his  stupid  organization  cloak  huh  ?  my  god  

so  he  picked  up  rhythm  guitar  bc  it’s  like  .  the  closest  thing  without  getting  an  ACTUAL  sitar  ,  because  !  arpeggios  is  actually  a  rhythm  technique  &  that’s  what  his  sitar  is  named  so  ....  food  for  thought  i  suppose  .  plus  this  world’s  sitar  isn’t  the  same  anyway  :/

despite  being  natural  blond  in  game  etc  i’m  making  the  executive  decision  to  say  he  was  given  naturally  dark  hair  in  CT  &  now  has  to  keep  bleaching  /  dying  his  hair  blond  bc  ....  he  does  not  think  he  suits  black  hair  .  nor  does  he  want  to  .  it  reminds  him  too  much  of  like  idk  xigbar  or  vanitas  or  whatever  with  the  dark  hair  +  gold  eye  combo  u  feel  JDWJJSJSNS

he  dated  isolde  in  CT  &  honestly  i  suggested  it  to  bloom  as  a  crackship  bc  haha  different  bt  then  it  got  really  soft  and  really  emo  so  here  we  are  .  they  close  tho  now  still  &  she’s  the  only  person  he’s  opened  up  to  ab  his  real  life  /  the  organization  so  far  !!

he  is  bi  :/  and  sad  :/  bt  honestly  mood  ,  i  say  as  i’m  pan  not  bi  bt  whatever  :/  

anyway  part  500000  ,  he  sleeps  at  the  library  sometimes  bc  big  gay  still  for  ienzo  and  likes  to  really  just  hang  around  them  bc  he  wants  them  to  remember  being  zexion  ....  &  well  .  more  selfishly  he  wants  them  to  remember  him  bt  like  y  a  h

+  for  the  fact  i  have  not  really  mentioned  it  :  he  still  loves  water  iskaksns  catch  him  like  .  chillin  in  his  bathtub  for  hours  like  bitch  stop  wasting  water  and  the  water  is  FREEZING  by  the  time  he  does  decide  he  is  finished  .  he  misses  his  water  abilities  ok  .  he  can  probably  like  move  stuff  a  little  bit  here  and  there  bt  it’s  Nothing  like  before  :/  yeah  .

idk  what  else  this  is  a  mess  !!  please  plot  with  me  tho  uwu  xoxo

[kaiamore]

⌠ COURTNEY EATON, 22, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, KAIA MORGAN! according to their records, they’re a SECOND year, specializing in ADVANCED ENCRYPTION + RESEARCH & DEVELOPMENT; and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of ( messy black hair, chipped polish nails, can of energy drink, baggy knitted sweatshirt ). when it’s the virgo’s birthday on 9/18/1997, they always request their CREAMY SPINACH PIZZA from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. 

This is a long ass thing to read tbh I’m sorry. You can just hit me up to save yourself from trouble. I got lazy to really but hi I’m Madie, Slytherin, Aries bitch, INFJ, and I cry a lot. It’s like 4 in the morning hiiii. You can check also check her PINTEREST, WANTED CONNECTION PAGE and BIO. Under the cut is my baby. 

trigger warning: abduction

HISTORY

KAIA MORGAN was a descendant of one of the biggest landowners and stewards in Oahu, Hawaii. Her family’s goal was to procure land to build eco-friendly business establishments that would provide livelihood to the community and at the same time, shoo away land developers that could possibly abuse and eradicate the island’s natural resources. Eventually, they also tapped into government services because well, people loved the Morgans.

Despite the good nature of the family’s legacy, it could get a little messy behind the scenes. Business tycoons came and gave them offers to flat out some hills and cut down trees to build hotels and factories that could possibly poison the sea. Some of these people had been aggressive, threats had been made and even went beyond crazy just to get what they want. When throwing rocks with notes at their home was not enough, they thought that abducting eight year old Kaia would shake them off from where they stood.

Through special services, Kaia was swiftly recovered from her abductors, people involved where stripped off of their business permits and served their jail time but it left Kaia permanent emotional and mental scars. There was no getting over that. At least, not for a very long time.

The incident left her being overly cautious of her surroundings, she avoided talking to people, too scared to put her trust in someone. She had been constantly felt being watched, if not by her family’s enemies, it would be by bodyguards her father hired to casually look after her. They almost didn’t bother her but having them around made her feel uncomfortable but she really couldn’t complain because she knew it was for her protection. 

It was when she turned to something that didn’t really require social interaction, the internet. For the time being, it made her happy, forget her childhood trauma and help her gain friends through playing online games and joining forums that stimulates her opinions on current pressing issues. It became her comfort zone. She get to open up to people who she didn’t personally meet only know her by her username.

Came high school graduation and Kaia did not exactly know what to do. She was done with the hellish years of her life and she was not ready to jump into another hellfire. While she was learning the ropes of the good and the dark side of the world by web, she was sort of disconnected in real life. Her mother would get in fights with her, whining at how she was wasting her life away as she all she ever wanted was to play video games and keep her virtual connection strong.

Her fight with her mother had gotten worse when they found an acceptance letter to this Ivy League she didn’t really apply for. Turns out, her bodyguards were Gallagher bred and they did more than just looked after her. 

It wasn’t like it didn’t pick her interest. In fact, she did her own research. Though it was something she might have been interested in, she didn’t think she was cut for that. 

AT GALLAGHER….

At first glance, it was obvious that Kaia wasn’t really the ideal embodiment of a Gallagher girl if one would simply judge her by her demeanor. It didn’t mean she didn’t earn her place.

Surely, she had struggled fitting in but it wasn’t new to her. Surprisingly, she had like it. It was a far cry from any educational constitution she had been before. It also helped that it was a little exclusive so she didn’t really feel a lot of pressure when it came to social interactions

She had a lot of firsts in Gallagher and whether she admits it or not, she was glad her family encouraged her to go to Roseville. She was not sure if her parents were fully aware of where they sent her off too but really, it wasn’t that bad.

PERSONALITY

Kaia is very timid, doesn’t speak much and from time to time, she stutters but she is trying her best alright. Getting two sentences was a little bit too much for her already until she is already comfortable with you because she will ramble a lot.

Kaia keeps people at arms length although it doesn’t really last long because she likes attention ( although she didn’t like being in the spotlight ). Opening up is not something she would do and she would rather not have an conversation that revolves around her.

Kaia is unfortunately a pushover. She will probably do things for you as long as you leave her alone afterwards.

Kaia is either hyper-focused or slipping her attention into something else mid-conversation. She is focused too much when she does something like swimming or drawing that she gets a little lost in it and during normal conversation, she will probably stop you from talking because she saw a cat passed by.

Her humor is so bad (or the way she delivers it ). Almost every joke she crack, she almost regret saying it. Most of the time she laughs at her own jokes and puns.

She is very moody and one person probably can’t tell because she is meek.

Kaia can be easily motivated just as she is easily demotivated. Despite being smart, she has very low opinion about herself. She had a tendency to give up easily when things didn’t go as plan.

MORE FACTS

She is 5′10 and hates it. She slouches a lot because she doesn’t like to draw attention.

She has a fat Russian blue cat at home named Meowth and has a picture of him on her bedside table.

Kaia doesn’t really express herself much so she pours it all in her journal with unfinished songs and drawings. She has more patience in texting than engaging in a conversation, with the exception of people she was very comfortable with.

Honestly, Kaia is a little spoiled. She struggles with keeping her room tidy because she was used of someone cleaning after her.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

BEST FRIEND ( 0/1) - Kaia only met them during her first year since she didn’t really have friends in high school. If not, then they were someone she met online and when they met

MOM/DAD FRIEND ( 0/?) - Kaia doesn’t really take care of herself so someone has to! She needs a lot of those.

CLOSE FRIEND ( 0/? ) - it could be like study buddy, video game buddy, lab partner, just someone that Kaia tolerates and tolerates Kaia. One of the people she the people she didn’t mind hanging out with, the kind of person PJ can nerd out with.

FRENEMIES ( 0/2 ) - probably someone that annoys Kaia( and probably blackmail her ) into doing their bidding. It could also be a video game buddy that she gained a unhealthy competition with.

EX-FRIEND ( 0/2 ) - the falling of the friendship can be mostly blame of Kaia’s part, like she was probably unavailable when she needed them or they did something that turned Kaia away from them. Or something happened between them that put them in an awkward situation.

EX-SOMEONE ( 0/? ) - the kind of relationship I wanna explore was her first one in which a disaster because Kaia didn’t know what to do so she probably end up avoiding this person. Another is the one that ended ugly, like this person cheated on Kaia. Or something that Kaia thought was serious but just a casual one. Another is one that just simply didn’t work, one of those friends to lovers thing that didn’t work as lovers.

BAD INFLUENCE ( 0/2 ) - Kaia couldn’t avoid being social forever. Basically just an enabler of her curiosity about these sort of things.

MUTUAL FEELINGS ( 0/1 ) - someone she hangs out with, they are not quite a friend but they are special to her. Sometimes they kiss. They cared about each other but there’s no label in it, not after the string of disastrous relationship she had been.

FAMILY ( 0/? ) - self-explanatory really but you know, cousins but not limited to family friend or a relative of her stepfather she had met several times.

ANYTHING UNDER SUN REALLY - we can also always brainstorm if none of the mentioned above really fits

IF you reach this part, you are amazing!!!!!! Like I wouldn’t bother myself most days to be honest. Just reply if you want me to hit your DMs to plot or like hit my dicord at batnips#8030

[seonfhwa]

you said no one asks you about your biases so klj;alkdjfs here I am because also love when people talk about their biases!!! name your top five biases luna and why they are your biases

oh my god mini you’re enabling me ehrbjhgbek okay here we go look away folks this is gonna get annoying

edit: so i went back and slapped everything under the cut because oh my god i kept talking im so annoying

1. cha hakyeon/n of vixx

this man hits everything i love about a human being. he’s very motherly and very open about such things, he’s a true sassy diva who always wants the attention on him (i don’t blame him), he has a really big heart and always does things like donating to charity and the like, he has seen SO MANY ups and downs since vixx debuted in 2011 and honestly?? he deserves the world. he’s a really hard working leader who goes to all of his members solo activities to cheer them on and make sure they know he’s there supporting them. i have never seen anyone as beautiful and ethereal as cha hakyeon in my entire life. he’d be a wonderful dad, a perfect husband, and a caring friend. he’s loving, kind, and affectionate, and he’s the sweetest bean. though he gets bullied the most by everyone else. honestly, too, i know we don’t really know most idols’ sexuality but cha hakyeon imo is one of the strongest icons in terms of exploring sexuality and shattering gender expectations and i can’t wait for him to slay some more when he gets out of the military. also?? dancing king?? like pls stomp on me i love you. literally he’s just… his duality… he’s so soft and gentle as hakyeon but as n, he’s a fiery demon ready to go. either way he’s my number one and he will always be my number one and nothing will ever change that.

2. no minwoo of boyfriend

so honestly, boyfriend really is my #1 group ever, but with the lack of content for the past year or so (after star they disappeared again into japan) it’s been really hard :(( so lack of content causes me to ult different groups during hard times but!! yeah. minwoo is my tsundere baby, my maknae on top, my bratty baby boy. he’s the quiet one of boyfriend who kinda just wants to kill everyone and he’s donghyun’s Baby and no one (not even jeongmin) can touch him hejhegbre he’s honestly one of my biggest sources of sunshine. he’s honestly where my type started (dancer rapper) and i love him!! so much. he’s a talented little bean, who’s super great with what’s given to him and his dancing is no joke!! i hope he can capitalize on that one day. also!! he’s a part of 95 line (jo twins, him, ricky of teen top, sungjae of btob, hyuk of vixx, and i think a couple others idk) and i literally love that friend group so much ;;;; minwoo is honestly the #1 prettiest baby boy ever, he’s got so much love pent up inside of him but being the bratty tsun introvert he is, he doesn’t know how to show it so he just hbjehbrgj suffers. but that’s why he has mama donghyun to take care of him, idk man starship is just shitting on the talent they have, pls let boyfriend out of the korean basement.

3. song mingi of ateez (duh) putting my own gif of mingi bc its my fave gif

and here she goes, gonna rant and rave forever. okay so mingi, right? you all probably already know this but he’s literally the biggest and best source of sunshine and happiness in the whole wide world. literally when i first got into ateez i was like hongjoong!! he’s my bias!! and then idk what happened i accidentally floated around for so long and it wasn’t long after say my name that i was officially attacked by mingi and i claimed him, he is my sunshine and my everything. i really thought seonghwa would end up my bias if not hongjoong but then mingi came around with his full-body laugh. i honestly figured out mingi was my bias when i was making my original blog and i was like?? softmingis?? that works!! rather than any other url (though idk i did try a couple of san urls). ever since i solidified mingi as my bias, i’ve found countless things about him that i love. his seal claps when he tosses his whole body as he laughs, his deep af voice, how th*cc he is, the way he interacts with all of the members– honestly i love this whole big baby boy with every fiber of my being. one day i wanna hold his hand and see his smile and (it wont happen ever but) give him just a lil smoochie on the cheek. honestly, he’s just ;;; so perfect. he may be a year younger than me but idc he’s the most lovely human bean i’ve ever seen ;;;; i wanna give him the world.

4. kim hosung/lou of vav

listen it took me a while to get here and it’s a struggle to stay here as a lou biased bean (yes ace i’m looking at you) but honestly ;;; i’m kinda sorta maybe in l*ve with this man. he’s a whole softie even though normally i’d look at someone like him and go “wow he looks really intimidating” but like?? he’s a big softie! like he’s all tall and deep voiced but he’s (another) introverted bubs. he’s all mysterious tbh like he’s so boring he wears all black and white and gray clothing if he’s not in stage outfits ekrhbejgh but he’s like!! a cutie. he loves his girl group dances and he can be super quiet at times and really grumpy but like?? he’s so handsome. he’s a confident chaotic gay and we love our very own confident gays. idk man he’s literally so gorgeous just look at that gif up there– okay not to mention he’s such a salty guy like never tell him someone else is your bias he’ll be all pouty pouty grumble grumble. really he needs to be babied but he’s probably the best boyfriend material he’d be so sweet ;;;; idk man like?? i honestly think about him every night he deserves the world and he may not be the most loud and obnoxious person in vav (that’s ziu) but he’s the most charming and i love him to death ;;;

5. kim jaejoong of jyj

other than gd of big bang, i think?? jaejoong is my longest-running bias. he’s had my heart and soul for so long. other than being the king of japan while sm still has him under dumb laws, he’s done so much for me as a human being. he’s really shaped how i look at the world, truly. i remember there was a fansign he had where a blind girl came to him and said that she loved him, not for his looks (although he is gorgeous) but for his music, his lyrics, and his voice. and honestly watching him go through so much over the years, watching him be shaped by all good and bad things, has made me so happy. he’s grown as a person, he’s learned from mistakes and he’s had to walk down rough roads to get to where he is now. honestly someone asked me recently who my role model is and i think?? after some honest thinking? i’d have to say it’s him. i look up to him. i admire him, everything he’s done for everyone in his life and for himself. he’s a strong man. i love him, and i want to give him everything i can, even though i can hardly even provide for myself. he can be a grumpy old man at times but i think that’s just the relatable shit, you know? he’s a grumpy old man while a heart of gold and i owe him my life, especially because 5 or 6 years ago i was in a really bad slump and it was him, his music, that pulled me out of it.

okay so now that i’ve talked so much and took so long to answer this… the end! literally there are so many more people i could ramble about but those were the top 5 that came to mind who are always super prominent in my head like… aLWAYS 

also if you read all of this… you guys are insane idk how you did it.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: . . . – – – . . . Carly: ? Carly: nodded on your phone Ali: OG 🍑📞 Ali: nah save me Carly: it's pretty lemme just grab a 💄 really quick Carly: what's up baby? Ali: you are and I need distracting Ali: got band practice and I really have to Ali: missed the last two so she's dead moody Carly: go solo ill play a tambourine for you Carly: until you get famous anyway Ali: we'll get you those noise cancelling headphones they give to rockstars kids Ali: then you just gotta close your eyes n shine Carly: aw Carly: you're a 🍑 Carly: but before then I know how to sweeten up rockstars Carly: lots of jd is 🔑 yea so ill swipe ronans & its a party Ali: know that'll go down a treat Ali: almost as good as the ego stroke of calling them rockstars Carly: y you asked me its a not so hidden talent of mine Carly: strokes where needed Ali: 🎨 Ali: alright monet Ali: I'll try not to make it completely boring Carly: i have to take 5 to finish up here or he'll be dead moody Carly: so he's all you have to be more fun than Carly: & whats more boring than a horny lad when ur not feeling it Ali: easy Ali: I remember being that bored Ali: less memory more reliving but shh Ali: all fun and games yeah ✌ Carly: yea Carly: he gets it over quick tho some go & go without getting u anywhere Carly: ha Carly: ive got a home to go to sometimes boy Ali: he's very considerate like that Carly: i wont share it w him too big of a word for rn Carly: wheres this practice @ Ali: 'course not Ali: all he needs to hear is biggest and best Ali: memory serves Ali: in one of the other's garage Ali: so punk rock Ali: I'll come meet you Carly: long as he can call me a slut & I make the right noises it dont matter what I say Carly: thats every lad on here Carly: k well he's done so direct me Carly: u dont wanna meet me outside here Ali: if that's your jam, go off Ali: you mean you don't trust me not to 👊 your mans 😏 Ali: I started walking, call me a pessimist, Ronan 🤷 Carly: yea u kno for a good time call any of these caravans Carly: the old lady w the gnomes is a dark horse like Carly: i don't want u to see me looking this way ty ronan 💘 Carly: so rough about everything Carly: him & u ha Ali: she's living my dream, I remember her Ali: the pink trailer, like Ali: shoulda been going to see her if not you Ali: 🤡 Ali: you alright? Ali: you need a sec or Ali: idk, anything else Carly: her cats are living my dream Carly: lying in the sun all day, getting fat Carly: being loved whenever they ask Carly: i need a drink but im taking all of his its k Ali: duh Ali: only had it slightly better in ancient Egypt, like Ali: forever goals Ali: we'll drink it on the way Ali: need to see where to put their fingers Ali: not code for gay shit but like Ali: also Carly: theres lots they can have some as promised Carly: he owed me for all the 💊 Ali: you're sweet Carly: we can get your gf ☕ to dump it in thats the adult thing to do Carly: trying to make her happy not more mad Ali: she's 17 Ali: she just fronts a good game Ali: suppose one of us should Ali: #badgirlfriend Carly: ur the best wife tho Carly: ive missed u Ali: 😚 Ali: comments like that are why I've deffo missed you more Carly: aw Carly: comments like urs r why ill make today really fun for u Ali: 💚 Ali: we can make anything a party yeah Carly: yea Carly: but u gotta help me carry these drinks to cos i think my wrist was broken from all the coaxing that boy needs when hes been on it Ali: ugh, the struggle is so real Ali: though if you use that as an ice breaker they're all gonna look at you blankly Ali: fucking lesbian priviledge amirite Carly: i bet at least one of them's hurt their wrist trying to get a girl off Carly: half who go to our school r so uptight you need to check for sticks Carly: catholic guilt be like Ali: 😂 real Ali: but you gotta be on my side Ali: already outnumbered Ali: team bi for the day okay Carly: so i can talk about masturbating with my grandma's jesus cross or i cant Ali: you can Ali: that's a story whoevers company Ali: 'cept grandma, obvs Carly: punk rock enough? Carly: if theyre all as scary as ur lesbian im shotgunning more beers Carly: bag of recycling before we even get to the garage Ali: when she cares about the 🌍 Ali: 😍 Ali: they ain't, if we're being real Carly: dont want the earth to die Carly: its so pretty Carly: & fun Carly: k i wont have every can Carly: before we get there Ali: 👼🌟🌈🍓🐰👸 Ali: you Ali: and I'm literally just 'round the corner hold on Ali: not dragging my feet 'cos of you babe Carly: ur too sweet Carly: are you the singer & the guitarist or do they make you just do one cos youre too big of a 🌟 Ali: got it in one babe, I'm relegated to guitar #2 most the time Ali: at least you can own the stage more when you ain't so Carly: ill tell them you need to be 1st guitar & lead singer you're too talented for it to go to waste Carly: its sad Carly: but its cute that youre in a band together Ali: you wanna be backup baby? Carly: yea but i cant 😢😢 Ali: you can when it's just us though Ali: you're too pure for rock n roll anyway Ali: their brand of Carly: how you said that makes me think i need to drink more Ali: it's a good thing about you Ali: just saying though, my voice will be fucked by the end of this Carly: ill get you some 🍯 baby Carly: you can be 👼 again in no time Carly: church ready Ali: only if you coming with Ali: 😈 Carly: only if we do some more sinning first Carly: make it worth the walk Ali: naturally Ali: how we do Carly: k Carly: are all the band dating each other or just you two Ali: 😏 more and more apparent how straight you ain't tbh Ali: currently off again, I think Ali: they've all dated each other though, every which way you can combo it Carly: i have met a lesbian before ur rescued me @ that party Carly: been hit on by lots Carly: i kno they like to date in circles & all kinds of other shapes Ali: I bet Carly: aw don't be jealous Carly: i didnt like it Carly: ur my fave Ali: I'm not Ali: am glad I ain't giving off those predatory vibes though Ali: good to know, like Carly: you give off the best vibes Ali: 👼 energy, baby Carly: 🌟💙 Ali: let's hit 'em with it Carly: yea Ali: after she can drive us to a decent shindig 🤞 Carly: me & a car full of gays Carly: ronan will be in a mood ha Ali: always a bonus Ali: also always in a mood Ali: they really would get on if she could get over the whole man hate vibe Carly: ill bring him to the next rehearsal Carly: he thinks hes got what it takes Ali: 😏 Ali: I'll put my money on Mar Ali: poor boy Carly: steals my 🎸 every time he comes over Carly: i cant be impressed that you can play 2 chords baby boy I'm sorry Ali: 😩💦 Ali: even as relegated #2 I can do more than that Ali: promise Carly: me too & im only groupie #1 Carly: he still tries to teach me tho Carly: so boring Ali: 🙄 Ali: what a dickhead Ali: he just wants to be behind you to 'position' your hands, boys love that shit don't they Ali: I know how to play pool too so get off Carly: we should play my da taught me Carly: make some money & have some fun Ali: I'm down Carly: k Carly: cos i need to buy more 💊s he really did eat them all Carly: 😢😢 Ali: Babe Ali: I know a reliable lad Ali: invite him Ali: make it a party Carly: yea me & him been up since i saw you last how long ago was that? forever it feels Carly: be more fun away from site Ali: damn Ali: how the other half live Ali: I feel like I haven't had any fun since I last saw you Ali: get enough to take the edge of your comedown if nothing else or that'll be rough Carly: i wanted to invite u my baby but u kno how he gets Carly: hates that weve met Carly: ill make you feel good now promise Carly: hes had too much of my time Ali: worried that Imma tell you horror stories like you don't know him? Ali: backatcha 💚 Ali: swear Carly: yea he thinks my head's empty Carly: just a body like Carly: not that weve done school for years together or anything Carly: i kno i dont always go but boy come on Ali: you're miles ahead of him Ali: he only acts like he reckons that 'cos he don't want you coming to your senses and binning him off proper, like Carly: ur lil bro writes & reads better Carly: but hes a smart lil cutie Carly: what am i gonna do move the caravan in the middle of the night? no wheels is there Carly: stuck as fwb til he gets married his wife finds out & comes for me Ali: yeah he likes you too Ali: always chatting on when you coming 'round again so you know Ali: better hang some more, for his sake Ali: I know you got locks Carly: aw i love him Carly: always wanted a lil bro but my rents dont fuck no more so that ain't happening Carly: unless my dad knocks up someone younger Carly: u kno id lock myself out & end up round there Carly: ha Ali: lil blue pills don't fail us now Ali: ick Ali: should go to casa flamenco Ali: don't think she'd steal your stash Ali: oldies always have their own, the real good shit too Carly: that what ur calling it Carly: ill steal hers Ali: exactly Ali: 😍 #babe Ali: ronan who Carly: i do go older but not sure i could handle peeling back the wrinkles Ali: weak 😉 Carly: you seduce her for me, thats love Carly: & you wanna be under her anyway Ali: 'scuse you Ali: I'm happily married Carly: me too Carly: pimping me out to the older generation wasnt in the vows were it Ali: could've been Ali: you know how creative I am Carly: yea i do love that about you Ali: I 👀 you Ali: [runs up and takes some of the shit] Carly: [unnecessarily long hug moment because always] Ali: ['it does feel like forever'] Carly: [just rambling on about how much she's missed her & like all the compliments for how she looks/what she's wearing etc cos again always] Ali: [lbr she'd go all out for rehersals even so it would be a look, Ali lowkey fixing Carly up whilst checking 'cos was concerned but not gonna make it a Thing tm] Carly: [save her Ali she looks like shit rn & your gf don't need to be seeing her like that] Ali: [finishing by kissing her nose 'cos that is a thing] Carly: [😳 but really happy obvs & another hug cos they really have missed each other so] Ali: [walking and talking baby] Carly: [& letting Ali catch up with all the drinks Carly's had] Ali: [giving her the lowdown on the other bitches who are clearly not as scary as kstew] Carly: [you'd think she's not listening because 1. state of her & 2. how distracting Ali is in her lewk but she is] Ali: [is like soz it's boring but I'll make it fun] Carly: [she's like its not you're just pretty & also I'm saving you & making it fun] Ali: ['not about to beg but please do'] Carly: ['knew I should've locked that down in the vows' cos being flirty with it] Ali: ['too late now babe, 'less you make me wanna renew'] Carly: [is just like yeah okay will do, soz kstew but we know its true so] Ali: [turning up to your function, imagine kstews face oop] Carly: [Carly handing the booze out cos she's a babe while kstew talks shit on her by pulling Ali aside like we said] Carly: u want me to go? Ali: [Ali tryna explain but also being kinda over this mood like why can't she be here, u lowkey know why but you know] Ali: no Ali: don't Ali: I'll sort it Carly: k Carly: [Carly just drinking a little bit too hard cos the vibe is wrong & her anxiety don't need this thank you ladies] Ali: [just walking away and being like okay come on let's start 'cos can't argue if you're playing] Carly: [pissing about on some spare instruments while they're setting up cos awks] Ali: I've text the lad Ali: reckons 10 minutes 👍 Carly: 💙🌟 Carly: ty Ali: [ooh crimson and clover 'cos joan did it and it'd be a sexy moment so blatantly directed at carly] Carly: [Carly literally 😍 harder than her gf is, oops] Carly: [& so many compliments as soon as the song is over before kstew can get a word in, god bless] Ali: [gently/not being a patronizing dick with it showing her dance moves and stuff like getting her involved without being like you have to perform now lol] Carly: [k stew fuming like now the WARM UP is done we should play OUR songs we all know the type like excuse you everyone is having fun especially my sweet baby angel] Ali: [being like oh but I just learnt this song it's got a good bass bit we should do that, overruled lol] Carly: [has to go with it cos no argument she can make that won't sound petty as hell and not trying to look like that bitch in front of the squad] Ali: [doing electric feel for the gay sexiness] Carly: [Carly even more into it cos a song she knows cos lets say she don't know the glory of our cat song just because so its such a moment okay bye] Carly: [Marlene calling a 🚬 break immediately after cos fuming & that can also be when Drew comes] Ali: [as if you weren't fuming enough there's how a man here 😍 at your woman, also giving them droogs] Carly: [meanwhile Carly ain't noticed cos sharing a 🚬 with the prettiest & least intimidating lesbian perched on her lap like so cosy....way to kill Ali babe we know she's special but let her know please] Carly: [hops off to get her drugs but still a moment] Ali: [these other girls just stirring the pot rn lmao] Carly: [that girl being like you should come out with us & Carly's like yeah cos she's pure] Ali: you know this one's flirting with you too, yeah? Ali: 😏 Carly: ha Carly: shes nice Ali: yeah Ali: pretty cute Carly: u kno the dealer wants to fuck you tho yea Carly: hes pretty Ali: obvs Ali: his hairs a bit naff but yeah Carly: ur gf is gonna drag him out by it Carly: let me slip him my number first ty Ali: lol 🙄 Ali: better you have his, no Ali: 💊 Ali: idk why she's the fun police today Carly: k good idea Carly: [goes to get his deets] Carly: she's so mad Carly: u gotta love me more when shes not around Ali: i ain't done nothing Carly: shes jealous of me like i am of her Carly: two girls one 💙 Carly: [lowkey flirting with Drew before he gets thrown out] Ali: hmm Ali: maybe you can duel Ali: [helping herself 'cos they clearly got enough to go around 'cos Drew's easy lol] Carly: 😢😢 Carly: you want me to be killed Ali: don't be silly Ali: not very gentlemanly of her, she'd never Ali: for someone so punk she loves following rules you know Carly: y u like her or y ur bored? Ali: [casually loling at her phone like what you think] Carly: [a moment of eye contact soz kstew] Carly: y dont i kno this lad? Ali: idk Ali: he wasn't always that cocky Ali: maybe his pubes came in Carly: ha Carly: ill find out Carly: gotta b known as the school slag not the girl who pissed herself on the stage Ali: more catchy Ali: I get it Carly: u only remember our wedding day i kno but it tends to stick in everyone else's memories Carly: a day of bad vibes Ali: I remember you but not like that Carly: hope its not worse Carly: how you do Carly: [casually taking too many 💊 to deal with the bender she's been on with the gypsies, you know Drew will remember her like this] Ali: nah Ali: you were cute Ali: and nice when all these random english kids showed up Carly: cos you were cuter Carly: im always nice to the pretty ones Ali: 💘 Ali: s'a good line walsh, you get it off him n all Carly: 💔😢 Carly: i love you i dont need him feeding me those kind of lines Carly: we gotta crush some of these tho its gonna take forever to kick in Ali: only joking baby don't be sad Ali: [comes over and helps 'cos why not kstew already furious her band practice has descended into anarchy] Carly: [using a shoe she's wearing for once to crush pills casually but stops to put her head on Ali's shoulder cos is sad lowkey] Ali: [gives her top of the head kisses] Carly: [is smiling again & telling her how much she missed her again and all that good gay content while Marlene fumes in the distance] Ali: [whispers like sorry for the bad vibes and I am gonna fix this 'cos she knows it's been fucked but realistically don't know what she's doing about it yet 'cos where do we stand] Carly: [kisses her on the forehead cos that big brain always thinking & worrying & she know] Carly: u wanna 👃 or 👅? Ali: 👃 Carly: yea dont want a numb mouth Carly: no fun Ali: probably would help my throat but kinda 'bout that smokes and drinks a 40 a day vibe so Ali: soz to my nasal cavity in advance Carly: the 🍯 is coming as promised Carly: [puts enough powder in her hand for Ali to snort, how intimate excuse them like she could have used her own hand or any surface Carly but go off] Ali: you're sweet enough darling Ali: [soz kstew just gals being pals 'cos obvs returning the favour and 'holding her hair out the way' aka stroking it] Carly: [when you more about that intimacy than the drug you're trying to take] Carly: aw Ali: [moment being ruined by some kind of unignorable strop moment from marlene clearly so she has to go and have an argument brb] Carly: should i go now? Ali: wait for me Ali: please? Ali: outside if you like or whatever, I'm being selfish but Ali: I ain't staying either Carly: k Carly: [is outside quietly singing a little mash up of both gay covers while she waits, just little bits of lyrics she likes from each lol] Ali: [not tryna drag this out and clearly we can't let it get to let's break up point so] Carly: lets go have some real fun Ali: [when she comes out, resting her arms on her shoulders and spinning her 'round and 'round like let's go] Carly: [is loving life again bye bitches] Ali: ['we can do anything we wanna' means now but also like always] Carly: [is buzzing because her life is literally so stagnant already like what a welcome premise & hugs her cos that's what she wants to do, always gotta be touching] Ali: [and hand holding] Carly: [complimenting her AGAIN as they going along cos she's a really good singer tbf so] Ali: [chatting away 'bout the kinda music she wanna do and what the band is about and starting her own etc but also about how pretty Carly's voice is and how it's too precious for the stage anyway] Carly: [okay but after they've nerded out over music Carly be like 'wait for me' runs into a shop really quick & buys Ali some honey for real cos she that nerd & presents it to her really happily wrapped in her headscarf or something cos again nerd] Ali: [you know how buzzing and touched she'd be 'cos also that nerd, being like you're such an angel and imma get you something so special etc] Carly: [Carly like you gotta eat it tho & opens it right there like she gonna drip it into Ali's mouth if she don't how gaaaaaay, steals some with her finger too obvs cos cute but also accidentally sexy all the time] Ali: [winnie screeching in the distance] Carly: [gets a phone call from her mum & answers in this state cos no fucks given on either side & then turns to Ali like my turn to take you to a family bbq cos I think the contrast would be hilarious so we should but not now cos give them some alone time @ god] Ali: [is down 'cos she's not a snob unlike someone we know rosalin and she'd be lowkey about it 'cos any excuse to spend time] Carly: [ronan will 100% be there cos hilarious like you gotta fight him Ali tbh] Carly: [just rambling about how much she loves Ali rn though cos always] Carly: 💙🌟🐝👼🚀 Ali: [backatcha and dropping the charity shop plan] Carly: [is so down obvs like little kid levels of excited] Ali: [running thru the streets of dublin like babes] Carly: [god fucking bless] Ali: [charity shop crawl so wild like leave 'em be world] Carly: [like how pure that they think of cat lady Ro & kstew would never bitch] Ali: [probably making friends with all the nice old ladies in there/horrifying the old bitches tho too lol] Carly: [this is why Carly makes my heart hurt cos she'd wanna be friends but would probably horrify lol] Ali: [tbf they are high] Carly: [as per again let them live peeps its summer] Ali: [should steal something but like something really tiny and silly 'cos sinning and stealing from a charity shop is pretty bad in a cute way somehow lol] Carly: [but leaving shoes behind or something cos barefoot life so the universe is balanced] Ali: [and ali would buy stuff for 'em both but making sure carly knows this ain't THE gift 'cos wants to swag that lol] Carly: [okay but can they also come back to buy homewares for the caravan when she gets her own thanks bye] Ali: [absolutely, just window shopping rn how you do like 'when I have my own place' but saying we 'cos #married] Carly: [Ali can actually get one of the actual things when cos its still there, oh my heart]

[alyjojo]

Today is the story of how my pregnancies came to be, without the fun stuff. It plays a very large role in why I believe in God tbh.

So my ex. It’s a relevant start. Him and I were together four years, never used protection, dumb as that is. I bring that up at because, for much of that time, I just didn’t have periods. Like at all.

After about a year of waiting and taking pregnancy tests wondering what the hell, I went to the doctor (I hate doctors...back then fear won, a lot) and she gave me pills to force me to have one.

I would have one sporadically after, so I didn’t feel like a mutant, and I’d be like well okay...and didn’t go back to the doctor. But it was every few months.

PCOS seems to run in my family, my cousin has used years of fertility treatments to have children, and though it’s worked it’s been a hell of a struggle for her. I was always kind of afraid I couldn’t have kids.

July 2007, I felt a way that was different, didn’t have a period as usual, took a pregnancy test. This was a regular thing with the lack of periods. Positive. ....what?? Told him, and he lost his fn mind. I can’t describe just how stupid he acted, and I was lost. How I knew later he was a cheating pos. We went to Planned Parenthood to take their test. Negative. Idiot danced to his car, and something in me knew he was an idiot but I just let it go.

We broke up a few days later, he did, of course.

The day after we broke up, midst all my emotions yanno how that goes, I started on my own for the first time in...I couldn’t remember. And it stayed that way, regular, every month, ever since.

Mom said “it’s the guy”, who by that point she was kind of disgusted with too lol. Well. Yeah. It was? Seems so. Angry and blaming and rawr at God like I was and they were like nope sorry...not that one, and I just showed you that 🙏

He continuously plays a role in this story. Idk if he was A soulmate of some sort. I’m definitely one of his life lessons. It’s always been...deeper, even if we don’t even get along. At all.

Ok so hubby. Years later. Ex was long gone, didn’t talk didn’t nada, I lived with my boyfriend 😜 and his parents for a year, working on my car and saving money for a place. Which I did, we moved in August and September 18 (my late gmas bday), I hadn’t had a period and took a test like oh this crap again. Honestly didn’t think I could have kids...never had a scare in the year I’d already been with hubby.

Pregnant. Whaaat? So my EX sends me an email the next fn day. How? I have no idea. I had told hubby...that’s it. I don’t even remember what the email said, how are you or something idk, I avoided it like the plague before being like omg just answer and writing something quickly, send, delete. Never read it again. I’d gotten him out of my brain space tyvm bye. Well in my response was something like lol I’m pregnant. He was the 2nd person to know. And considering he flipped out and left over a baby...karma.

In my later belief system, and seeing my oldest’s chart, she has much Libra/Scorpio influencing her (10th, Saturn/Moon). I felt like initially that positive may have been her, just long enough to get him tf out. The timing of his message blew my mind. Didn’t speak again for like 10 years, baby daughter got the name I had always wanted, and gmas middle to honor her. I still see 9:18 periodically. Love u Gma ❤️

So next baby. After two years in our first apartment, we were bombarded with BEES 🐝 Like this was insane level of bees, you couldn’t leave the house without these threatening mfers chasing you to the car, management was shit, we moved.

Moved into a bigger nicer apartment in a nicer part of town. August again. Had a fun night with some drinks to celebrate the night we moved in...no protection, big fun, hubby joked drunk, there’s #2.

So September 11th...I bought it 😆 But I refused to do it on that day. September 12th...hello baby girl #2.

Years and years pass, we use condoms regularly. Very careful always. Idk how my son came to be and I’ll say it till I die. I went back to work, I had lost a bunch of weight lol, I was not in baby mode at all. I was 100% done. So much that for two months I didn’t even realize. Until my jeans stopped fitting and I was like WTF. Sure enough. Hello baby boy.

I had been playing the sure let’s be friends game 🙄 with some of my ex’s after hubby’s stupid bs. Nothing more trust & believe, hell no. And it just doesn’t work as friends either so idk why we ever tried. Will never get along. The other ones were just drama...was my Saturn return, that was a nightmare. Then we entered his, and that was also a nightmare. That’s as much as I’ll say about that 💯

The last thing I said to that same ex, 10 years later...I’m pregnant 😆 It’s a kind of karma somehow. Goodbye again, the same way it’ll always be. Like God was like I’m sorry, you need a reminder?

My children ❤️

I always blamed my husband for doing it on purpose. Because he was so happy when I was. He’ll always deny it, but the boy came out DADDY’S boy and I just let him take over because...well he wanted to. And for the first time, the baby wanted, demanded, him too. It was actually insanely sweet, still is.

I went to the doctor and said I guess I’m due in February? She’s like try Christmas. I literally threw away the whole doctor and got a new one because I thought she was lying to me 😆

So on Christmas DAY, 6pm, I’m making meatloaf bc I knew a baby would be coming soon and we didn’t want a fridge full of leftovers...water breaks. 7cm dialated by 7pm, they gave me meds to slow down while hubby dropped off the kids at gmas. Little Aries moon was OUT in four hours 🤣 My biggest baby.

Jane...we were again very careful. Condom flew off inside of me completely. Like flew. Idk how tf that happens and it was very uncomfortable to fix btw. We knew, and when it was positive, we knew. We were not in a good place at that time. It was bad.

She was due on my cousins bday, and down to the very signs they would’ve been similar, and my cousin has lost babies...kind of how we had our falling out. She was mad at me for having my boy, but she was petty and rude to me for months, it broke my heart, then her mom my aunt tells me how she and my mother just talk shit about us both, when I trusted her the most, I just...bye. Gtfo ur one of them. Cried.

Well Jane. I lost Jane. I’ll always be sad about it. Cap with Gemini moon (supposed to) ended up being a little lost Leo. Same middle name as my cousin.

It’s here I’ll mention our foster kids. Hubby’s niece by blood, nephew by marriage. They were hard, that situation was hard, the boy is on the spectrum (which I now know means dick all really, he’s incredibly normal despite his horrific early circumstances) and he alone needs a lot of care. And their parents broke up and his dads side wanted them...he’s not ours, how could we claim him first? Our niece fits like a glove, she is ours. His sisters. We felt it was taking away from our kids after awhile, having two more suddenly, with DFS and court and visits and phone calls. We were getting screamed at by the parents for trying to be good people...then my car broke down with this timing chain nightmare, his was totaled (fk u forever)...then came the positive with boy, and we gave the kids to their Dad’s mom. Who is a very nice lady, with money, sister in law be pissed or not. We all felt we just couldn’t do it.

The boy was a Christmas Eve boy. Hilarious and so smart and adorable and sweet, just a lot of work. Our niece, a Leo, born way too early (late Oct due date). Small, tiny, but healthy.

My son is Christmas Day. Hilarious and SO smart and adorable and so sweet...a lot of work. Can not look away for two seconds. Also breaks things. Also punches his sisters. Even looks kinda like our nephew. Its eerie.

I tell my husband we didn’t keep the kids...we had the kids 😞 Because I ended up losing my little Leo, born way too early 😢

These kids are why I believe everything, they’re why I have faith, they’re how I notice the funny little things others wave off as oh it’s coincidence. No, it’s not.

Whether there’s another in the future idk. With Covid it’s not something I want right now. I did have my heart set on 4, once Jane came into the picture.

Maybe someday. Maybe not. Besides #2, which hubby joked about, and she’s a silly sarcastic goose just like her Daddy 😆, it seems God has more say on that then I ever have. With everything.

Take charge types scold me like “you have the power”, and I’m like oh yeah watch this. Try to work or try to do anything, car tires burst or something, some emergency, hubby has some insane project he needs me with them for, a baby appears, or foster kids, something always happens to keep me home. They all need me here. Just how it works in my life.

Someday...who knows? For now, this year, I’m a homeschool teacher ❤️ We’re happy 😊

[kaotikreviews]

WEBTOONs Time

Since I’ve found the platform, I’ve been nothing but OBSESSED. I’ve read a lot of different webtoons by now, and caught up with several. The highlight of each day has become 9pm when the newest batch of webtoons come out. 👌🏼

Today, I read the new episodes for my subscribed comics. Here are my thoughts (WARNING - may contain spoilers):

At Arms Length, by Zushi - Chapter 9.2, Trapped: I recently found this series and binged all the previous episodes, so the story still feels fresh in my memory. This comic is unique because it tells you up front the two characters that end up together and let’s you know they are healthy and happy later on. The author uses a pretty slow story progression towards that end and focuses on emotions and mental health in each episode. Since the comic is more about processing thoughts and feelings, the pace of real world events is much slower. Even so, the epis feel a bit too short (but the art is amazing, so I get it). Full disclosure, it looks like this series can get a bit raunchy at times. 👀 I was a bit torn about this comic because of my own morals and world views (I really want to say the main characters need Jesus AND all the healthy things they are doing👌🏼), but a lot of the episodes about depression really resonated with me since that’s something I’ve struggled with for literally my whole life. Long story short, I’m hooked, so 💁🏻‍♀️. Today’s epi is more of the female lead’s back story and her previous relationship. I guess it was good. I’ve literally never been in a romantic relationship, so can’t relate to the situation directly, but it’s just one of the many reasons why I wanna be forever alone. 😳 I think I always refresh like a lunatic hoping for one more episode at the end, but today’s episode did feel pretty short. Then again, every time I catch up on a webtoon, the episodes that come out after that always feel short anyway. 😂

WEBTOON GREENLiGHT - Escape from Oz: tbh, I’m not the biggest fan of the art style and the surreal take on the storyline threw me for a loop at first, but also, super hooked ngl. 😏 I love a good sci-fi. I mean, we are in the world of fantasy and fiction and break real world rules CONSTANTLY, so why not just lean in and go crazy with it? 😌 I bet you guessed, but 3rd epi definitely got a fancy 🤍 from me and now I’m hoping for it to get green lit so I can find out what happens next! 👀

My Magical Maid - Ep 9: another recent find, it only took me a couple minutes to catch up and be wanting more. 🤩 As mentioned before, fiction/sci-fi is my jam. I can get weird about witchy story lines if they wanna be really like creepy and demonic and offensive to my beliefs and world views, but if it’s balanced enough, its nbd to me. I like the series because I like stories with people with powers. How fun would it be to have super powers? It’s fun to imagine, so I love seeing other people’s takes on a day in the life of a super. Our super (a witch in this particular story world), is a maid/personal secretary type person/doctor/friend of the ruler of the land. The relationships and interactions feel very modern, but the setting is like, fairy tale times. Like, our girl is supposed to be a maid, but she’s on peer terms with the king and can speak her mind openly. It’s different, so I like it. Very interesting dynamics, I can’t wait to find out more about their back stories. Today, they closed up a story arch that threatened our otp but now.. does that make our main dude an even badder guy? lol 🧐 I mean, second lead just made main dude look kinda awful in comparison. And I never get second lead syndrome, so this is a bit of a strange perspective for me. (I don’t get second lead syndrome because the otp has a pull to it. Good relationships take time, but also chemistry.) I’m not opposed to a bad boy redemption story, so super excited to see this all play out and glad the triangle is going away. 😅 I have no idea what this gif is from, but it looks cool so ~

Lost in Translation - Ep 18: I mean, is every comic coming out this year gonna be bout stalkers?! 👀 Today’s epi was wyld (haha, pun). After reading the beginning of #killstagram and starting up It’s Mine, this plot twist is starting to feel super familiar. There’s been a stalker story arch in several other comics in my deck as well. Can’t say I’m a big fan, tbh. I hate the fact that things like that really happen, and the fact that it could happen to me or someone I care about. I’m terrible for this, but I prefer not to think about the grittier and scarier side of humanity too much. Of course, I said “too much”. A little here and there isn’t so bad, and so overall, I’m still pretty hooked on this comic. Hopefully things start to improve for our MC soon, and I’m so glad he’s getting some support from his friend.

I Love Yoo - Ep 127: bout time we got back to the sister arch! 😂 I binged this to catch up a while ago now, and so the story is starting to fade a bit. It still blows my mind how far we’ve come in the story and yet how little progress we’ve made. I mean, the family dynamic hasn’t been sorted yet, and I’m missing the friend dude, the one with red hair (I think?) yeah, it’s been so long I am forgetting his name already! 😅 I normally am super against any form of “stealing” people in relationships, but when the relationships are super toxic and bad, I sometimes find myself shipping the better relationship. (Jim and Pam from the office for example.) Truth be told, the main girl and the red head are my favorite ship, and I hope it’s the otp. All the other dudes in her life just don’t compare to the tension, chemistry, and mutual respect those two have. They bring out the best in each other and redhead really needs some help just like our MC did in the beginning. I hope she reaches out to him more (and that he ends that shell of a ship he is currently in.)

Choco Latte - Ep 38: another recent find. It’s a silent comic, which is kinda brilliant. Sometimes I read ahead on my favorite comics on Naver in the original language, but since I only really know English, it’s a very similar experience to this comic. You rely more on the expressions and context to understand the situations and how the story is progressing. I like it. I also liked how wholesome all the characters are. There isn’t a lot of nastiness between people so far and I hope that continues. It’s refreshing given the world we live in and most of the comic I read, tbh. Recent epis (including today’s) have me a bit worried tho. I hope they ain’t breaking main ship 😬 or creating a rift that would destroy the innocence and optimistic world view of our MCs. I’m a pretty gritty, glass half empty type of person a lot of times, and I call it being a realist. Fact is, life is often cruel. But in story world, it doesn’t have to be. I hope the author preserves the sweetness of this comic, but even if not, I’m down for the ride. (Unless they break up the otp, then I may quit for real.)

Not Even Bones - so I haven’t been reading this on webtoons for a while. I found out there was a book, and when it hit a cliffhanger, I scoured the internet until I found it online for free. I finished the book in a very short period of time and then the sequel. There’s still another one out that I want to read, but I needed a break. Not sure where the webtoons version is at, but I mean, this story gets DARK. Wondering how I reconcile this with all my aforementioned morals? I don’t. I believe all humans are kinda terrible, which is why I believe we need saving from ourselves and each other. I don’t believe all the stories with hopeful endings and super hero’s and saviors are just from our wishful thinking, I believe that a part of our souls is wired to respond and reach for our creator, who is actively speaking and reaching for us. Since we’ve been effectively “kidnapped” and trapped in a broken world system, it’s like we are birds that were born in cages. It’s in our nature to do certain things that just don’t make sense for our current environment but makes total sense for the environment we were created for. I believe it’s in our nature to search for something that’s missing and to fill that void with whatever and whoever we can find - many people think it’s just the way things are and don’t think about why, or they become contented with the void inside. No matter what we try to use to fill that emptiness inside, it’s never enough. Well, not until we connect to our creator and escape from “captivity”. I’ve been a Christ follower my whole life and even so, it ain’t easy. I have mad depression and I’m not necessarily a “good” person. But I’d probably be dead if I didn’t have Jesus in my life, and that’s after doing all the self help I could. No matter what I did, it wasn’t enough until I experienced hope and love for the first time in a spiritual experience. 👌🏼 I mean, if humans are terrible, and we all are constantly trying to self destruct, who can truly help us but God? People can’t be the cure for other people, and as much as self help stuff, well, helps - it isn’t a cure either. Self help can be like relying on a flaky and unstable individual to save your life - eek! 😂

For the record, my goal isn’t to stuff my beliefs down people’s throats, just sharing my thoughts. If you find it offensive, then please skip on by or think of it as a nice story (but for me, it’s as real as breathing, so I can’t help but talk about it. 👌🏼)

Anyone else reading these comics? What are your thoughts? Are there other comics that you recommend? Are there any that you fast passed on? I was super tempted to fast pass a few, but I hate having to wait longer for a new update. 😂

Today’s top song (thanks for sending it to me, sis! 💯):

[jinggerbread]

LDR Hacks

Nothing lasts forever, even the distance between the two of us.

I am geographically separated from my boyfriend and yes, it sucks. This setup is something that both of us never imagined getting into, but I guess unplanned moments in our lives often lead us to the best destinations. Despite us both being not into commitment, we both embarked on this frustrating, torturous life of being in a long distance relationship. When I say long distance, I really mean it – he lives more than 8000 miles away and 14 hours behind my timezone. I know that the majority don’t believe in LDRs but in spite of our doubts during the early stage of our relationship, there are some important things that I have learned being committed to someone I don’t get to be with everyday. There are a lot of struggles LDR couples experience everyday  but if you badly want something, there shouldn’t be a reason not to find solution to every problem you have.

You are probably here because you would like to know how to survive long distance relationships, here are my 2 cents on how-to-LDR: 

1. It’s either you  have to talk super early, or super late. So either both or one of us don’t get the best of sleep everyday.

Remember that LDRs require a special form of communication, so if you want to always remind your partner that you think about him, at least send a cheesy line or anything that would make your partner smile. A simple compliment will do.

Tip: 

Try to schedule your day ahead especially if you have different time zones. Well, it works for us sometimes but in our case, we have made our everyday routine more natural. We both go to work so we don’t get the the entire day for each other but we always make sure that we always have a time to leave messages for each other.

2. You don’t get to celebrate special occasions together.

Pros:

This saves money! You don’t need to actually buy gifts for one another (yet).

Dates are not yet necessary.

You get to spend holidays and other special occasions twice. 

Tip:

Video call. THIS IS A MUST. If it is not that convenient for the two of you to do a video call, at least make time to do a phone call. It doesn’t need to be a super long conversation but just feeling the presence of your person on a special day will make you feel like you guys are spending it together. If neither phone call or video call is possible:

Send a special message and add a cute selfie. Trust me, this one really works.

We have actually spent the new year twice – I called him first minutes of 2018 my time and he did the same first minute of 2018, his time. 

3. Boring conversations.

Though this is something that we are really not struggling with, I’ll share some tips to spice your conversation up.

Tips:

Be humorous. This is essential. Crack jokes, make funny remarks about people (be careful with this), share funny stories about yourself or your personal experiences.

Make him curious. This will make him interested about you. Curiosity always make conversations intense. This will make him feel eager to talk to you each day. Changing topics in the middle of the conversation will make him beg for you to continue what you were saying. Make sure to spill the rest of your story in a timely manner though, because this might result to conflict. This isn’t good for people who doesn’t like cliffhangers.

Teach each other something new. Open a lot of topics. Don’t just talk about your relationship and your plan of meeting up every damn time because this might irritate one or the other. Learning new stuff every day is an achievement especially if it’s taught by your partner.

Be spontaneous. It is fun to talk in a very spontaneous manner, just talk about everything around you. This is a training for the two of you especially if you are planning to be with each other in the future for a long time.

4. Uncertainty about your future together.

Although both of you know that you love each other, there are still some instances that you will be uncertain about what’s gonna happen in the future. There are still some tiny doubts that rises in your heart sometimes.

Tips:

Focus on what is happening on the present time. Enjoy your time being apart. Be the best version of yourself everyday for him, and for yourself. Everything else will follow.

Risk. It is always worth it to give it a try, because whether you win or lose, you know you didn’t just let the opportunity pass.

Think of your relationship as if you are doing an online shopping. Imagine yourself looking at a very nice camera you saw online. You haven’t got to it yet. You just saw pictures of it. You just read its features through blogs/articles and heard good reviews about it. But deep in your heart, you know that you badly want it and you will do everything just to get one so you save up and possibly sacrifice some things just for the sake of getting one. You don’t have an idea if it is exactly it is gonna be once it is in your hands already, but you’ll buy it anyway.

Plan things. Whether it is a small or a big plan, do it. Make a timeline or a checklist. It will make both of you look forward to your future together. Maybe an Asian trip, a beach trip or a plan of living together in nice apartment in New York City will excite the both of you. Just make sure not to bug your partner about it all of the time especially if you both know that your plans are not achievable the soonest. Plan, but also set proper expectations. Set realistic goals to make sure to not disappoint your partner.

5. Fear of being cheated on or being not good enough.

This is a common fear even to the regular couples. “I am afraid that you might fall for someone else” or “I am afraid you might get back with your ex” or maybe telling your friend about your fear of your partner cheating on you are common thoughts of an LDR couple.

Tips:

Let him do everything he wants. Give each other the gift of space. Let him do everything he wants until he feels that “everything” isn’t necessary because he will finally realize that you are his everything. Giving him freedom about choosing what he wants to do will give him time to contemplate about lots of things. He will do it if he wants to. People have this urge to do things that you tell them not to. If you will keep on telling your partner not to do certain things, chances are he will be tempted to do it. Well I am saying this because it really does happen, but not with everyone. Again, keep everything natural. If you love each other, you don’t need to always remind him not to cheat because that shit is annoying tbh. A little reminder saying “I am afraid to lose you, I love you ;)” is enough.

Be aware. You need to know if the things you do especially the activities you do that require going out with other people is okay with him. Just doing things with the assumption of your activities being OK with your partner isn’t a good idea. Always consider his feelings. Be aware of what makes him jealous and once you already know about his thoughts, talk about it until everything gets clear.

Avoid anything that will potentially make a buildup of jealousy. Simply ignoring any texts from the opposite sex makes is a big factor. I’m sure that if you love a person, you will never be tempted to do it anyway. Remember, trust.

Making your relationship Facebook official. Reminder: This isn’t just to brag. This may sound corny, but I guess it isn’t love if isn’t cheesy (why are you even in an LDR if you don’t consider yourself corny). It doesn’t mean that you need to post each and every conversation you have to your Facebook timeline because that will surely annoy your friends and even your closest family members. This helps because this makes your partner feel that you are proud of your relationship. Make sure to talk about it though, because it requires a lot of courage. Being Facebook official is a big deal (especially to girls ;) ) In addition, this will prevent people hitting and sliding to your partner’s DM.

6. Satisfying each other’s sexual needs. 

WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS. This is one of the biggest problem once you engage yourself in a long distance relationship. It is a human need. It is an expression of love. It’s frustrating when you can’t even touch or even kiss your partner.

Pros:

Abstinence. It makes you abstain from any form sexual interaction given the fact that you are faithful to your long distance partner, hence no fear of having unwanted pregnancies especially to teenagers. 

Delayed gratification. It makes you long for your partner which makes the love making more satisfying when you finally get to do it in person.

Tips:

You need to both agree on this. You need to be comfortable talking about sex and being open-minded about doing all the crazy sexy stuff. 

Do not be excessively conscious about being naughty to one another. There isn’t much to worry about it in reality because this part of the relationship should happen naturally.

Make your partner feel good about himself so he won’t feel hesitant since online sex still remains as a taboo topic to most of the people.

Don’t forget to give your partner compliments and talk a little dirty to each other. DO NOT be afraid to be open about this to your partner because in the long run, if you’re really serious about being together, you will experience more crazy and naughty stuff together.

There is a lot more to discover about being in a long distance relationship, and I might update this post in the future because I know that there’s more that I get to discover about my current relationship along the way.  Every type of relationship is unique whether it be an LDR or a regular relationship where you get to be with the person you love. 

Everything that I have written might be too much to digest but as what I have mentioned, love should be natural. It looks like it takes a lot of effort and can easily be broken but in reality, there is not an end to a relationship born out of friendship, communication, understanding , trust, patience and love.

[miss-sad-marshmallow]

Since I’m sad and sappy, I decided to make a (real life) friends appreciation post. The ones that are going to be appreciated are @astridthedot​ @the-blueberrymuffin​ and @amazingsavannaisnotonfire22 (In alphabetical order of your names, Aurelia’s getting snazzy)

This is gonna be very long, so here’s a cut:

Astrid

I have known you for so long, a life without you just doesn’t exist in my head. It’s impossible to imagine. I’ve known you since we were kids, and we were best friends incredible fast. As little kids, we had these beautiful fights that would end up in both of us stomping away ‘breaking’ our friendship up, and five minutes later we would run crying in each others arms.

I remember when you moved. The following years were hard for me, because as soon as you left, all my friends left me (fuck them, tbh). We kinda lost contact for a while, but I am oh-so-glad that we picked it up again!

Our friendship is kinda creepy, honestly. We are so different, but also so much alike. Creepiest thing; we both start watching a show/reading a book/ listening to a band at the same time without planning to do so.

So yeah, maybe we are telepatic.

You are always there for me, I can tell you anything and you are incredible nice and supporting. Thank you for existing.

Bouchra

From the moment you walked in (it was awkward but adorable, don’t deny it) I decided that nobody was allowed to hurt you - I probably failed on that, sorry. Maybe it’s just my weird Overprotective Older Sister thing, but it happened. Sav was the one to make us friends, Thank You Very Much.

For me, you have two sides: The hilarious, funny one, the one where you can cheer anyone up, make me forget what the lesson was about, because, oh, sorry, I was laughing so hard I couldn’t see anymore. The crazy side of you. The one with the horrible jokes and humour; snake me to snurch, gRay, etc. I love that side, a lot, but you have another one too.

You also have the sweet, loving, caring and protective side. The side where you see that you are an older sister - a better one than me. The side that comes to my home when I’m sick and takes care of me. (I haven’t forgotten the pancakes, thanks for that!!!)

I love this side, if possible, even more, than you funny one. It’s the side where we talk about life and depressing stuff (yay!) the side where we talk for hours in front of my house eVEN THOUGH WE COULD JUST GO INSIDE? I can talk for hours with you, and it never gets boring.

You are so sweet, funny and selfless - did I mention selfless? You are struggling with so much, and still always think of others. You do so much for me, and I should help you more. I’m sorry I’m failing at that.

Long story short; I love you so incredible much. You remind me very often of how much you love me, I don’t think I’ve ever told you how much I love you.

Savanna (Savelia shippers, get ready)

First of all; thank you. I cannot, nor I’ll ever will be able to, thank you enough. You have done so much for me, I could never repay it. I’m sorry.

You are always there for me; in my lowest moments, I go to you. Always to you. Because you are there, and I know you can get me out of it. That’s something about you; you can always get me out of my downs. You stopped me from self harming, you got me out of bed in my worst, depressed moods. You always make sure I eat and drink enough at school, and you always do so much for me. I really don’t deserve you.

I could go on forever about everything you’ve done for me, but I think I’d go over the limit. Let’s go to you. Let’s go to this beautiful, talented, lovely and amazing human being. Let’s think about how smart you are. How beautiful - did I ever tell you that I’m obsessed with your hair? especially when it’s curly. How talented - have you heard her sing? daaamn.

You are so so SO lovely. Always trying to make people happy, always there for people to cry their heart out. You don’t like calling, but if I’m upset, you will always let me call you. I value that a lot, you know that, right?

One of my biggest fear is losing you. I don’t know what I’d do. This might sound cliché or something, but I’m dead serious. I already miss you incredible much after a week, how would I ever survive it if you were just gone? I don’t think I’d survive that.

Stay alive for me, would you be so kind?

I love you incredible much, I hope you know that.

All together, I’d just want to tell you guys how incredible much I love all of you. I don’t think I could ever survive without you. I love you so so SO much.

[t-shrt]

100 q tag

no one wud read it but ima do it anyways cos fun tag by @dubblebubble

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more cereal than milk cos i love tht crunchy crunch

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? LOVE

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? receipts, pen lol

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? coffee=basic latte/hot tea, no sugar

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? sometimes, not too often tho

6: do you keep plants? no but i want to but ill be terrible at it so no

7: do you name your plants?

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? digital art

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? yes very it keeps me sane

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? side/back, back esp nowadays

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? lots lol

12: what’s your favorite planet? earth? hahahah it used to be jupiter cos i loved sailor jupiter as a child

13: what’s something that made you smile today? friend + nct + fics

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? two separate bedrooms, a balcony, good amount of plants, separate fridge for alcohol, sizeable kitchen

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! it rains diamonds in jupiter and saturn $$$$

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? bolognese hahahaha im boring

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? i just dyed my hair a darker ash brown n i quite like it ive been light for awhile

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. one came 2 mind cos we both recently talked ab it, a longtime close friend of mine n i used to have the biggest fight where he threw me a pair of scissors n i threw him a basketball in retaliation lmfaooo it still became a running joke more than a decade later...

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? not really...prolly shud

20: what’s your favorite eye color? i actually like brown hahah, maybe a slightly lighter shade of brown

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. it was a gift from my parents, a simple small messenger bag with a lot of slots, brought it with me literally everywhere, during my hookups, my night outs, been stained with questionable things (its been cleaned lol!).... almost lost it in a club only to be found by a friend... it has foundation stains tho lol

22: are you a morning person? n o

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? sleep, listen to music, watch stuff, not reply to messages

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? no

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? nothing rly comes to mind but im p sure ive been somewhere like tht lol

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? LOL my adidas superstars

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? ermm the red colored ones?

28: sunrise or sunset? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm very good question

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? hmm what comes to mind is the way both of us sometimes exchange goodnight msgs w nct farm emojis heheeh

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? lol ofc....

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. unfortunately im rly basic on socks, u wud most likely find me wearing black ankle socks or black ballet(?) socks nothing more nothing less.......

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. a lot has happened usually during that time lol. duno which story to pick honestly hahahah. i think a memorable one might be when we were drinking n played games and we talked and talked and joked n nek min one by one we fell asleep in the same room hahah... im sure there are other stories tht might be more eventful but fr the life of me my memorys fuzzy rn lol

33: what’s your fave pastry? i love strawberry shortcakes! or mille crepes

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? i kept a LOT hahah. prolly named a few, but nothing was too special. i think it rly reflected how i managed my relationships then, n evn yrs aftwds, like i ws always lonely n my instincts were to gain quantity cos deep down i cudnt trust ppl n cudnt get too committed lololol

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? i wish i was cos sometimes ppl wud make pretty colorful notes, but i usually just buy ones tht i wud use cos practicality.

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? mmmmm is it cheating if i say nct cos they cover a range of genres lmao. but their ballads i guess yeah.

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? i mean i prefer to keep it clean, but its always really messy HAHAHA ;_;

38: tell us about your pet peeves! 1. someone rude 2. someone who doesnt know how to respect others’ boundaries 3. someone self-entitled n takes themselves 2 seriously

39: what color do you wear the most? black on black on black on black baby

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? an evangelion ring, its the black (lilith) moon with lcl gem in it, to me i guess symbolizes my struggle with human relations, n how eva as an anime illustrated tht n the fantasy of having everyone’s consciousness merged into one--n the fact that lilith in itself (in astrology) signifies the darker side of a human being? i guess n the fact that evn if u acknowledge ur darker side u cud still use it to further urself

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? hmmmm i guess last was a self help book, unfuck your boundaries, helped me support my need to strengthen my boundaries

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! little rogue :) its in a small alleyway, a little quaint shop, easy to miss... small potted plants, with an amaaazing matcha latte

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? siiigh a guy i was involved with lmfao i cut him off tho

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? hmmmmm good question i guess lately ive been very thankful tht i could feel comfortable taking my own time and space, n accepting the positive energy others wn give 2 me. being single really, really does help evn tho id feel lonely sometimes, bc the only weight i carry is the weight of my own soul n i wn learn how to nourish that

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? very i think

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. i have a lot HAHAHA if u were a friend of mine ud prolly get tired of them. a genuinely bad one wud be haha youre so punny lmfao

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? nothing rly lmao if theyre healthy n someone derives happiness frm it i wudnt want it to be banned

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? probably not lol, i mean i think i retained similar fears since i ws a kid but now obviously my biggest fear(s) would be more...specific to me

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? its the digital age baby spotify ftw (in all srsness i wish i collected vinyls tho hh)

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? i used to collect ramune bottles lmaoooo

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? hmmmm nah lets not do this right now lol

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? LOL too many but i love shitpost quality memes tbh

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? pulp fiction. i actually loved it, i think i still do, its entertainment value is kickass, havent taken the time to dissect it in any other way

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? oh man i think it ws the dude i ws seeing lmao fk him

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? a lot, n most of them im not proud of, cos some involves self harm

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? kindness n genuineness, someone’s courage in being vulnerable

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? dont feel like it rn but everytime i do 10/10 will dramatically reenact the lyrics right to the guitar riffs

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? im definitely the wine (aunt) lmfaooo im already one tbh 

59: what’s your favorite myth? Eros + Psyche, Icarus and the sun

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? i love poetry hahah...cant think of any rn

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? id love any gift given 2 me as long as they wont harm me or anything lmao n i dont think ive evr given anything too stupid. well.. idk if this is stupid tho like i sent flowers thanking my ex for ‘helping me live’ well aft we’ve blocked each other off cos the end to the relo was js daaamn toxic lmao

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? nope

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? music i do spotify n im pretty particular ab organizing my playlists i guess. my books im alright with as long as theyre just stacked properly no problem

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? prolly rly dark blue cos its 12 am

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? a lot tbh cos ive rly been focusing on stuff internally

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? daisies, sunflowers, n baby breath here n there

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? somber i guess maybe a tad bit nostalgic?

68: what’s winter like where you live? heeella cold not cos of the temperature itself but the winds thooo, if it drizzles evn in the slightest it feels like needles piercing through ur bones literally

69: what are your favorite board games? i like the game of life, ummm cards against humanity?

70: have you ever used a ouija board? no n never will lol

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? the fruity kinds

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? yea def lol

73: what are some of your worst habits? disappearing from people when i feel strong emotions

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. they’re small but they’re so full of love, full of life, full of strength, and full of care for others, they’re the type of person who will seek their goals till the end despite obstacles and still be able to not lose their warm heart on the way. they put so much thought and care to every aspect of their life even when in the past they have been handed some bad things, and i adore them for that.

75: tell us about your pets! none :( wish i have a cat though

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? hahahhaah

77: pink or yellow lemonade? pink!

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? neither sometimes i think theyre weird sometimes cute sometimes weirdly cute lmao

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? write up 24 things they love about me to stop me from hating myself

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? white. no but if i had to id say white anyways lol cos its a blank canvas

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. i dunno uhhhh her rounded eyes which seemed to at first glance, harbor plenty of wonder seemed to be weighted by many untold secrets, the traces of which could be found when she erupts into laughter where the wonder would manifest itself in the form of small stars in the dark of her eyes.

82: are/were you good in school? meh. i try

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? weirdly i like cigarette after sex’s one cos its so simple yet telling

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? planning on getting an evangelion one, another heart one, a sunflower one, and prolly a ghibli related one

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? manga? naruto 4evr LOL

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? hmmm thinkin of dpr live’s IAOT

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? lord of the rings, harry potter, one of ghibli movies lol

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? i think impressionism is very cool evn tho i dont do it myself

89: are you close to your parents? eeeeee

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. Melbourne is a wonderful city where many things could coexist in one--happiness and sadness, camaraderie and loneliness, hot and cold, quiet and full of life, productive and relaxed, bursting with unfocused energy yet incredibly organized, and for many reasons it’s become one of my favorite cities, and definitely my favorite to live in.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? no plans tbh lol maybe home?.......japan? heheheh nahhh

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? it depends lol mostly i guess drowns my pasta in cheese

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? i always wear it down, either straight or wavy

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? a friend of mine

95: what are your plans for this weekend? stay in most likely, do stuff

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? 100% procrastinate lmaoooo

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? ISTG, jkjk INFP, leo sun aquarius moon cancer rising, ravenclaw

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? im alws meh ab hiking tbh lmao 

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. Long Slow Distance - NCT 127, Four - Sleeping At Last, idontwannabeyouanymore - Billie Eilish, Stop This Train - John Mayer, Digital Lover - Crush

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 years into the past so she’d stop focusing her life around anybody else but herself

[athena1138]

The OC question thing, all 50 answers bc I’m bored. 

Some OC questions

1. Your first OC ever? Vikara Amarina Nellenryll. I’ve had characters before, but she was the first one who really stuck, who got a background and everything. She was my go-to oc for everything.  2. Do you have a personal favourite among your OCs? Alena Fanelis-Lavellan (dragon age)  3. Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else?Nah 4. A character you rarely talk about? Seirein Xavier (adopted by Charles,) my X-Men OC. Her power is that she can make anyone do anything with her voice, so she’s resolved to be mute. She and Logan end up together.  5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be?  Alena. Or idk, Belladonna Hawke. There aren’t enough Varric x Hawkes out in the world. I love both those bitches. 

6. Two OCs of yours that look alike despite not being related? Most of my Hawkes look similar tbh. I try to make them different, but I’m a slut for a strong-nosed, big-lipped, tawny-skinned woman.  7. Are your OCs part of any story or stories? AHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Yes. Hands down. Most of my Dragon Age OCs are already in stories, or are at least mentioned because I have them set up in specific timelines. Alena is getting her own goddamn biography. Belladonna is 5 chapters into her own story. My FenHawke is 37 pages into her story. I’ve got a oneshot posted with my Hawkebela. (Da2 is my fav game tbh.) My non-DA OCs have a few stories, too. Seirein is one chapter down in hers, my Sole Survivor has more than a few oneshots down, etc.  8. Do you RP as any of your OCs? If you do, introduce one of your RP OCs here! No. I’m uncomfortable with RP since a friend destroyed it for me a long time ago. I used to be super big into it, but now it just makes me squeamish.  9. Would you ever be willing to give any of your OCs to someone else? Fight me. (Maybe Rastig. He’s a little shit.)  10. Introduce an OC with a complicated design? Idk what that means. A physical design? Most of them just get scars. I mean, Anna Hawke is deaf in one ear. Genevieve is blind. Idk. Most of them have fully fleshed out backstories so that’s about as complicated as they get.  11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”? Brilla Aeducan. Gemma Cadash. Missella Surana.  12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lot On AO3, there’s a FenHawke series that I legit sat and read for 3 days straight. Literally didn’t even turn on my TV. (It’s here ) I really like this Hawke.  13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs?  Depends on how you define troublmaker. As in, a douche? Rastig. As in, mischievous? Kalam Adaar, Titania Shepard, Jack Ryder, Belladonna Hawke. 

14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory HAHAHAHAAHHAAH Who doesn’t have one? Alena is the most fleshed out. She was born in Redcliffe, taken to the Circle at age 6, broke out with Anders at age 16, got separated from Anders, went to Denerim, was taken in by Cyrion and his family, was caught up in the slave trade, was sent to an abusive master in Kirkwall, killed him to escape, was caught by Cullen and taken to the Gallows, broke out of the Gallows, found Anders again, Anders was crazy, got help from Hawke (Belladonna) to get to the Sundermount Dalish clan, was taken in by them, found them all killed in year 7, was taken to live with Clan Lavellan, hated it but didn’t want to be alone so she allowed them to give her vallaslin even though she didn’t want it, Conclave, Solasmance, Solas broke up with her, finally Cullenmance.  15. Do you like to talk about your OCs with other people? Idk. Kinda? Kinda not though. I get shy really easily. I like talking about them. But with other people? Idk.  16. Which one of your OCs would be the best at biology (school subject)? Marina Shepard 17. Any OC OTPs? Among just my OCs? No. I don’t ship my girls together. But each of them is specifically designed for a specific romance.  18. Any OC crackships? Nah 19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why) Vikara has been with me through a lot. I’ve had her for like... 7 years now? She made it through a bad breakup, high school graduation, and all of college.  20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)? Genevieve Hawke sings frequently at the Hanged Man. She’s a Mezzosoprano if she really gets going and she tends to get throaty with it, kinda like Christina Aguilera or Gaga. Marina Shepard can sing but she’s a bit shy to do it. If her friends can boost her up enough, she will for them. She’s a tenor.  21. Your most artistic OC Vikara Lavellan writes poetry. Brilla Aeducan draws/paints (she painted Leliana fireside one night.)  22. Is there any OC of yours people tend to mischaracterize? If yes, how? People think Anna Hawke hates Sebastian, but that’s not true. She’s just threatened by him because she’s a mage, and he’s very vocal about turning in her mage friends. (She used to feel the same way about Fenris, but she fell in love too fast.)  23. Introduce OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would be like? Most of them.  24. If you could meet one OC of yours, who would it be and why? Genevieve Hawke. She’s a very strong, proud woman.  25. The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, shared like/dislike for something etc?) Tbh, most of my OCs are just re-coded versions of myself. Except Rastig. But I guess Anna Hawke. The story I mentioned with her is focused on her weight issues and how Fenris helps her learn to love herself (and vice versa.)  26. Have you ever had to change your OC’s design or something else about them against your will? I mean, I’ve had Vikara for 7 years. Not all game platforms allow for the same character customizations.  27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song? Nah 28. Your most dangerous OC? Rastig Brosca and Titania Shepard.  29. Which one of your OCs would go investigate an abandoned house at night without telling anyone they’re going? Alena is actually about to fall into a well and ponder her death because she didn’t tell anyone, so, her.  30. Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animal collection? Asena Adaar. Josephine thinks they’re darling, and they talk about their dolls together.  31. Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really) Marina Shepard is all about the memes, man. She’s nothin’ but jokes, nonstop, though once in a blue moon, she might reblog a picture of a nice ass (tastefully, of course.)  32. Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why? Kalam Adaar doesn’t get scared. She just cracks jokes until she feels better.  33. Your shyest OC? Anna Hawke. 34. Do you have any twin characters? Yes! Belladonna Hawke was a twin to Garrett Hawke (who is deceased.)  35. Any sibling characters? Beyond Belladonna, no. Though, Asena Adaar and Gemma Cadash are quite close. (Multi-inquisitor AU, but only Gemma has the mark. Asena is just part of the inner circle.)  36. Do you have OC pairs where the other part belongs to someone else (siblings, lovers, friends etc)? Nah. I’m a solo-OCer 37. Introduce an OC who is not quite human I mean. I only have any human DA characters because I didn’t get a choice with Hawke. Even my queen is, in my lore, an elf because I really don’t like humans. Every single OC would be non-human if I had the choice.  38. Which one of your OCs would be the best dancer? Jack Ryder.  39. Introduce any character you want I have a Labyrinth story I started.............a longass time ago. The main character is Jacqueline (the French, not the American,) and she’s the daughter of Sarah. She is mute for most of the story because she was driving in an accident that killed her father. Sarah contacts Jareth and asks him to help fix Jack, help her overcome her guilt and trauma, so he takes her to the Labyrinth.  40. Any fond memories linked to your characters? Feel free to share! Not really. I love them all, the wee babs.  41. Has anyone drawn fanart of your OCs? If yes, maybe show a picture or two here (remember sources & permissions!) Nope.  42. Which one of your OCs would be the most interested in Greek gods? Titania Shepard. It wasn’t a huge leap for her to go from Shakespeare (where she supposes her namesake comes from) to mythology.  43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess I like big noses, strong cheekbones, brilliantly colored eyes, and scars. Lots and lots of scars.  44. Something you like about your OCs in general They’re like my friends.  45. A character you no longer use? Psh. I can’t even remember. If I don’t use them, they’re lost forever.  46. Has anyone ever told you that you treat your OCs badly? Not yet 47. Has anyone ever (friendly) claimed any of your OCs as their child? IRL, nah. In games, most of my Shepards are bonded strongly to their krogan teammates, and then there’s Seirein who’s literally adopted.  48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure Brilla Aeducan 49. Which one of your OCs would most likely enjoy memes Kalam Adaar and Titania Shepard 50. Give me the good ol’ OC talk here. Talk about anything you want If you want, you can tag your ask answers with #yetanotherOCmeme so I can check them out too `v´9 I just really fking love them all. The biggest struggle is that I have so many I’m so invested in but I obviously can’t do anything with them all in one go. I have to focus on one then another then back to the one and it gets so frustrating because I have so many ideas and stories to come up with but so little time.