#and tbf i'm sure i'm not going to just let go of a whole life's emotional landscape just bc of this

[glittercorvid]

just suddenly became Deeply Aware of the fact that i'm fully human and my traits aren't any more or less meaningful than anyone else's and i don't actually need to figure out How To Be A Person because i fully am one and always have been. intellectually i knew this but emotionally i've been an alien super anxious that people would find me out my whole life

[vaultdwellerbarbie]

some invisible string

scott (twisters) x f!reader (7.1k wc)

summary when a piece of debris hits you during a chase, you're left with absolutely no memory of your friends - including the one who you were engaged to, and he certainly was a ray of sunshine.

content warnings injuries, inaccurate depictions of retrograde amnesia for the plot, he's mean to everyone but one person trope, amnesia au, angst with a happy ending, one reference to sex

if there's no love in oklahoma then how come i'm so in love with the entire cast? suspicious. i had a lot of fun writing this request! i have a lot of fun writing all of my requests tbf. and no, i'm not interested in naming my fanfictions after anything other than taylor swift songs at the current moment (i swear maybe someday). divider credits to saradika! :-)

Something wasn’t right, you knew that from the moment you stepped outside of the van to set a scanner up. 

Everything had felt off the entire day. The doppler that you were keeping track of had been cutting in and out, but you had been assured by your fiancee Scott that it was nothing to worry about. The rain had come in and out in short bursts, it wasn’t totally unusual, but it was definitely strange how things were happening. But, there were still a lot of people who were out and about, unafraid of the storm and hoping to see a show. 

Once you had taken your seat beside Scott, you knew better than to express that you were worried about this. The two of you had been having conversations about moving forward with your relationship now that you were engaged. Neither of you were getting ready to settle in the countryside, but you also knew that getting married was a big step. It was a big step in general to promise yourself to someone else for the rest of your life, but it was also a big step toward a future that included more than just being married and continuing to do what you were already doing. 

If you started expressing cold feet in the field, it was going to bring about a whole other conversation that you weren’t quite ready to have. In your heart, though, you could tell that there was something wrong. The air was thicker, more humid, than it typically was. Beyond that, there was a nagging feeling in the back of your head that was telling you that you needed to turn around, that something was going to go wrong even though you weren’t quite sure what it was yet. 

You were quieter than usual, tenser. Scott picked up on that and took your hand into his, letting you lean into him. He could be incredibly rude sometimes, and you knew that when you first met him. In fact, you were quite certain that he was going to be your mortal enemy by the time that you were fully used to working with everyone at Storm Par. But, to your surprise, it took you very little time to grow fond of his icy demeanor. He would have shouted from the hills for the first few weeks he knew you that he couldn’t stand you, and he certainly detested how nice you were to him despite his rather unkind words. 

But you continued to show compassion to him, you continued to care for him if something went wrong, you continued to be a strong asset to the team, and he couldn’t help the feelings that developed. People on the team didn’t really understand why you both were so enamored with each other. You had absolutely nothing in common other than where you worked, and yet something about it just worked. It made no sense how you fell in love with each other despite everything, but you did, and they were all excited to be invited to the wedding where they could finally (hopefully) see him express any emotion other than anger since the rest of the range of emotions was typically reserved for your eyes only. 

When you stepped out of the vehicle to place the scanner, you could feel how heavy the air was. The tornado was impossibly loud, and wider than most of the ones that you had seen before. The wind speed was impressive, though you couldn’t quite tell what it was just yet. Once the scanner was placed, you got back in the car. But it was quickly knocked out, a simple switch had flipped off, a button that needed to be pressed on the object to turn it back on.

“I’m going to go turn it back on.”

“It’s too dangerous, just drive.”

“I’ll be alright.” Scott got out of the car before you could argue back, and you fully intended to wait for him while he was outside. 

Fate had a different plan for you.

He was too distracted to notice, as he started walking back, that there was something flying right at him. Stepping out of the car, you hastily pulled him out of the way, but ended up right in the debris path before either of you could totally process what had just happened. 

Scott was in shock for a moment, yelling something that you couldn’t quite make out as you fell to the ground. Your head was throbbing, your eyesight jumbled up by black dots and blurry figures. It sounded like you were underwater with a train headed right toward you, Scott’s voice unintelligible as he kneeled in front of you. The last thing you felt was how quickly he picked you up to bring you into the car before your world went completely dark. 

The sound of a beeping machine beside you faded in as you blinked your eyes open, adjusting to the dark room that you were being kept in. There were dim, warm lights behind you, and the television was very quietly playing some news station. It took you just a few moments to realize that you were in a hospital, but you couldn’t quite tell how you had arrived there. Pressing the button beside you, you tried to sit up but felt a pounding sensation in your head. 

A nurse came in after a moment, turning on the lights and immediately dimming them when she noticed how it made you hiss. 

“We’ve been waitin’ for you to wake up.” She had a thick Southern accent, it didn’t sound like the regional accents that you were typically used to, but maybe she was just from out of town. “What do you remember? Do you know how you get here?”

“I’m thinking it has something to do with this pain in my head.” 

“Right. Do you know where that came from? Just take a moment to think about it, don’t rush yourself.” 

“Can you tell me where I am? Might job my memory.” 

“Texas, hon.” Texas, made sense with her accent, but it didn’t make sense. You didn’t understand why you were in Texas. “Just tell me anything you remember.”

“I remember… uh…” 

For the next few moments, you explained to her various things about yourself. Where you were born, where you lived. Eventually, when she told you how you hurt your head, you recalled that you were a storm chaser. Things were starting to make a bit more sense, but what made no sense was the way that she informed you that you had gotten injured because you had pushed your fiance out of the way from flying debris. She gave you your phone, letting you scroll through it as you looked at pictures with yourself and your finance and your co-workers. You couldn’t really remember much of what you were looking at, barely recalling a majority of the chases that you had taken photos of. But, you would be lying if you didn’t understand why you had gotten engaged to the man in the photos. He was absolutely stunning, you just wished that you could remember anything about him.

It was late at the time, two in the morning, so she left you to your own devices while you scrolled through your phone. Text message after text message to put a name to the faces that you were looking at and remember what your relationship with these people was like. Even though you were nervous to see your friends and fiance in the morning after them knowing if you were okay, and nervous that you were going to have to explain to them what had happened, you were hopeful that your memory was going to come back to you at some point.

By the time you had woken up, you did remember a little bit. You got bits and pieces of chases that you had, and you were informed by the nurses that your tests all came back with the same result - you had retrograde amnesia, which you knew. But, since you were getting some memories back, it was likely that you would be able to recover within the coming months. For the time being, it was important that you rested and tried your best to form new relationships with old friends. 

As you finished up getting dressed, you were paid a visit from Javi and a few others at Storm Par who were ready to take you back with them. Notably, though, your fiance hadn’t been waiting with open arms to welcome you back into society after a week.

“How come the guy I’m marrying didn’t come to see me?”

“He said he was too busy working.”

“Too busy to see his fiance?”

“What do you remember about Scott?” Javi asked, a nervous expression covering his face as you glanced down at your hands. “Oh.” 

“That ‘oh’ sounded bad.”

“No! I mean, you want to marry him so I’m sure you’ll still love him!”

If any assumptions about you had ever been misplaced, that one probably took the cake for the worst one. The moment you saw Scott, his appearance gave your heart a familiar yet simultaneously unfamiliar flutter, but his demeanor made you recoil in disgust. He was being plainly rude to his coworkers, which you found absurd. Had he no respect for the people who he was working with? 

“Hey, Scott? Your fiance’s here.” 

His face immediately softened, standing from where he had been previously scolding a young employee who he quickly shooed away. Just as he moved to cradle your face in his hands you moved away from him, your eyes firm.

“Are you always that mean to people who work for you?”

“He messed up, he needed to be dealt with.” 

“I’m sure there were other ways of dealing with things.” 

“That’s Scott’s only way of dealing with things.” Another man interjected, and you took a step away from him. As handsome as he was, you weren’t quite sure that you were still in love with that personality of his. 

“Listen, I know things are strange right now, but you two are still sharing a bed - hotel is booked.”

“Great.”

“Baby-”

“Don’t.” 

Some part of you felt guilty seeing the hurt in his eyes for the rest of the day as you avoided him. He clearly loved you, for whatever that was worth. If he didn’t love you, he wouldn’t have wanted to marry you to begin with. But that love was coming from someone who seemed to be one of the most uptight, rude, degrading people who you had ever met. Even when he briefly tried to put on a nice face for you after being scolded by someone else, he quickly went back to his ways if someone did even one small thing that he disagreed with. The man was incorrigible, and you just weren’t sure that you were willing to marry someone like that anymore even if you couldn’t take your eyes off of him.

“He’s so fucking hot.” You complained, nursing a lukewarm Ginger Ale that you’d paid two dollars for from a vending machine.

“Well, he is your fiance.”

“But he’s the worst! He’s so mean!”

“Yeah.” 

“Did I seriously just agree to marry that man just because he’s hot? I’m sure there are many tall, hot, men with perfect arms and- all I’m saying is-”

“You agreed to marry him for more than just his looks, I promise. But it’s not my place to make you fall in love with him again, that’s on him.” 

Pushing away from the wall, you finally bit the bullet and joined scott in your shared room. The sight of him with damp hair, wearing nothing but a low-hanging pair of sweatpants made your breath catch in your throat, but you quickly brushed past him and looked through your bag to find something to wear before heading into the shower. Immediately, you noticed that he had left your toiletries out for you already, knowing that it must have been something that you were going to need. But, he also left a white t-shirt for you, his shirt. 

As you undressed, you considered locking the door to the bathroom. Part of your brain was screaming at you that you didn’t know this man and that all you had seen from him thus far was him being rather rude to the people that he worked with. The larger part of your brain, the part of your brain telling you to leave the door unlocked, reminded you that you knew this man enough to want to marry him. Even if he had been rude thus far, that was enough to get you to continue into the shower without locking the door. You had trusted him before, even though you weren’t sure why, so you could - at the very least - not be even more hurtful than you already had been and let him hear the click of the lock of the door. 

The shower itself did very little to relieve you. Your entire role in this company until further notice was reading numbers and sometimes getting in a car. Tomorrow, you were going to be in the car for a while because Storm Par was going to be heading to a town about three hours away. That meant that you were going to be in the car with Scott all day, and you weren’t too sure that was good for either of you. It wasn’t good for you because you didn’t like his personality whatsoever, and it wasn’t good for him because you knew in your heart that he loved you, but you knew that your dismissal of him was going to hurt his feelings. Even so, he really hadn’t proven to you so far that he had much feeling in his soul that even existed to be hurt in the first place. 

Once you were out of the shower, you were truly confused about what to put on. Some part of you wanted to just play nice and wear his shirt, and the other part of you wanted to not do something like that since you didn’t really consider yourself in love with this man - not anymore. You couldn’t even understand why you were in love with him in the first place. But, you weren’t enthused about this simply because of the issues you had with him being so rude, what good did being rude in response to a gesture of kindness do you? It would make you no better than him, and you didn’t want that. 

Once you were finished in the bathroom, you joined him in bed. It was awkward laying beside him, trying to keep your eyes away from his body as he did his best to keep his eyes on his phone and not look at you. 

“You know I’m not going to bite?”

“I’m not so sure about that.” You responded, finally turning to look at him. His eyes were just as soft as they were when he first saw you, but that softness was something that you didn’t see him show anyone else. Maybe that should make you feel special, but it only made you wish that he could just be a little bit nicer to the other people he knows.

Scott sighed, turning his phone back on. It wasn’t as though he wanted to ignore you, but he also just wasn’t really sure what to do. He still loved you, but it was clear that you no longer remembered him. It was obvious an obvious choice to fight for the relationship, but he also just wasn’t sure that he had the energy or desire to do something like that. Scott was never the type to try to force someone into a relationship with him, be it friendship or otherwise, and he certainly didn’t like having people tell him how to behave.

To be clear, you had never been supportive of the way that he had acted before, but you also didn’t abhor that trait within him as you seemed to now. 

“I’m sorry that I don’t remember you,” You started, turning to look over at him as he set his phone down against his chest. You fought to keep your eyes level with his, not glancing down at his warm skin no matter how much you wanted to. “The doctor I spoke to earlier said that I should have my memories back within the year.” 

“Should?”

“No guarantee, it just seems likely.” 

“Oh.” 

“Very likely, and since we’re engaged, I’m sure you’ll be prevalent enough that I’ll remember you soon.” 

But, you weren’t quite sure what that meant. It was true that you were engaged, but it was equally true that you had no idea why. The man was rude and seemed to be a little bit more arrogant than you actually liked in a person. He was a bit of an asshole, and nobody who you spoke to about him had anything to say other than that, and that they knew that it made no sense - it just worked. You were always bubbly and nice, and he was always kind of mean. You didn’t know how that relationship worked, but apparently it did. 

Sleep came easier that night than you figured it would. There were a lot of thoughts plaguing your mind, but it was easy because of how exhausted your body still was. You had figured that, being in a week-long coma, it would be difficult to get some rest. As it would turn out, that sleep hadn’t been very restful. As much as you wanted to stay awake to work some things out in your mind, you were glad to have a moment to not have to think about anything for at least a little while. 

The next day was predominantly the same as the first one. Rather uncomfortable, with you not really knowing whether you should feel compelled to speak to the man who you were supposed to be getting ready to marry or not. It was no surprise to you as you walked down to the room where you were assigned for the day - a radar watching position, until further notice - to hear Scott yelling at someone who you presumed worked for him. The part of it that caught you off-guard, as you lingered just outside of the view of the men inside the room, was what he was actually shouting about. Because it wasn’t a poor performance or anything else that you had been hearing about him - it was about you. 

“Scott, I really don’t think anything is going to happen all the way back here. When has anything ever happened back here?”

“When have any of us ever gotten hit by debris out there?” It was clear that he was worried, but you weren’t sure why. If this was the lowest-stress thing that you could be doing, you doubted that anything was going to happen to you. 

“Listen, man, I know you feel guilty-”

“No-”

“You feel guilty because that debris was supposed to hit you, but you can’t keep blaming yourself.” 

While you had been told that you were hit, and that the only person with you at the time was Scott, you hadn’t been told how exactly it happened. It was news to you why it had happened, but there was a brief flash in your mind - you could vaguely remember it, why you were hit. He had been in danger, you tried to help him. After a moment, you recognized that it was probably morally questionable at best to listen to someone else’s personal conversation and decided to make your presence known. 

Stepping into the room, you locked eyes with Scott first before looking toward the man who you were going to be working with for the day. “I don’t really like the idea of not being in the field, doesn’t feel like my thing.”

“It’s not.” Scott replied, grabbing his hat that he had set down on the console beside him. “But, you’re not allowed to do anything else for the foreseeable future.”

“Javi told me a month.”

“Javi was just being nice, your nurse said until you’re cleared.”

“That could be in a month.”

“Could be, best not to force it.” 

He gave you a pat on the shoulder, one that made you glance back at him for a moment, but he was already gone. His lack of optimism was slightly jarring, considering the fact that everyone else had you convinced that you would be back in the saddle within a month. It was also comforting, though. It was odd, because he was doing the opposite of trying to comfort you, but there was something comforting in knowing that he was being fully honest with you about your condition and not just being optimistic (which could be foolish, in the long run) just to make you feel better.

“He’s a real ray of sunshine.” 

“Yeah, well, he’s your ray of sunshine.”

“I guess.” 

Sitting down, you took your station for the day and allowed the rest of the events of it to unfold. Throughout it, you were struck by a lot of things. A few memories slipped back in when something familiar triggered them, some memories of your friendships, but unfortunately none about the man who you were supposed to be in love with. He was handsome, you’d give him that, but you couldn’t proclaim that you felt any love for someone who you knew nothing about other than him being rude to people.

But there was… something. Maybe it was muscle memory, since the heart is a muscle after all. There was some feeling that you couldn’t described that coursed through you when you looked at him, that amplified when he briefly touched you. There was at least one flash of him holding your hand at some point in your mind, and a part of you wanted that now. You wanted to remember what it felt like, maybe it would help you remember your relationship with him better. But how did you broach that subject, when you barely got along at this point? It wasn’t like you were arguing with him, he had been pretty tame for the most part throughout the day, but you’d been informed that a lot of his mean behavior was a bit less… scream-y, and a bit more of him just being sort of rude during conversations. 

That became somewhat obvious as you listened to his conversations through the earpiece that he had on during the day. He wasn’t yelling ay anyone, but he was being rude about how one of the other cars had misplaced their radar. You weren’t sure if you expected anything different from him, but it was still a weird contrast from the way in which he spoke to you. He was somewhat timid around you, even-tempered and clearly confused about how you were both supposed to proceed in this relationship with everything that happened. A week ago, you were happily engaged to this man, but now you found yourself turned off by the rude words that you were hearing come out of his mouth.

“He’s always like that, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Right.” 

By the time the day was over, you were back on the road. Rather than wait around and miss the predicted early morning storm, you were all shoved back in the caravan of vehicles with everyone taking a turn driving so the others could get a chance to sleep. Everyone but you, since you were still recovering and straining yourself could put yourself - and everyone else - at risk if you were behind the wheel.

As hard as you tried to fall asleep, the seat behind you just wasn’t very comfortable and there really wasn’t enough room in the vehicle for you to do anything else. It wasn’t until Scott placed an arm around you, urging you to just lay against him, that you just did what he was allowing you to do. It was a burden for him since he couldn’t use that arm for the rest of the night unless he wanted to wake you, an even bigger burden when he somehow had to get into the driver’s seat without waking you up, but he did it regardless. Some part of that made your heart a bit warm, and some part of you recognized that perhaps those nice moments weren’t quite so rare for you. 

When you woke up, you weren’t quite sure where you were. The last thing you remembered, you were in a car, but you were now laying down in a bed with nobody beside you. That was odd, since the last time you had stayed in a hotel room you had been with Scott, and you had been told already that there wouldn’t be any staying in a hotel room for anyone since there just wasn’t enough time.

Picking up the phone that had been placed on the nightstand beside you, you finally noticed the few text messages from your coworkers that you had missed. Scott had apparently gotten his own room, and Javi had decided that it would be best if nobody woke you since everyone was clear on making sure that you were taking care of yourself and not just trying to get back to work as soon as possible. It was still early, you were certain that everyone was still there for at least another hour. Still, it stuck out to you that Scott had gotten his own room. He did let you know where his room was, incase you needed anything, but it was enough to bother you and substantially shorten your process of getting ready for the day so you could try to catch him before he left his room.

Knocking on the door, you could feel your heartbeat in your stomach. You hated the idea of anyone being mad at you in general, but it was made worse by said person being the one who you were apparently supposed to be marrying soon. 

Scott opened the door, already dressed for the day but missing his shoes, earpiece, hat, glasses, and gum - all things that you had come to understand were important aspects of what he wore on any given day. 

“Did I do something wrong?”

“What?”

“I just don’t- like you’re mad at me? Because I’m sure another room was extra money, and-”

“You might not remember much, but you’re the same - you know that?” He stepped aside, motioning for you to come in. You did as you were requested to do, but it seemed to be manly so he could finish getting ready to go. “That’s why I started being nicer to you, because you were always so worried that I was mad at you.”

“Were you?”

“Sometimes.” He replied, and it was odd because he was being more forward with you than he typically was. Was it because he wanted you to talk to him more, because he liked that you sought out his conversation like you did? “But not usually, I tried to be mad at you and it never worked.”

“So why did you book a different room?” From what you could recall of the night before, which was everything before falling asleep, he had invited and encouraged you to sleep on his chest. Of course, you didn’t remember anything that happened while you were sleeping so you also didn’t quite know the lengths that he went to so you were comfortable. But, you did know that it would be rather strange if the man had a change of heart that quickly. 

“I booked a different room so you wouldn’t be uncomfortable.” 

“Oh.” 

“I’m not a monster, we just couldn’t get another room for you last time on such short notice.” 

“But-”

“I brought you to your room, but I didn’t keep a copy of the key or anything. Wait, what were you about to say?” 

“N-nothing.” 

Why did you feel somewhat upset about the prospect of not sharing a room with him? You didn’t really enjoy the way that he talked to other people, but he wasn’t really very mean to you. He, thus far, hadn’t said a single rude thing to you and had seemingly gone out of his way to be nicer to you than he did for anyone else on the team. But it shouldn’t matter, it couldn’t. You hated the way he treated other people, even if the memories of falling asleep on his chest made your stomach flutter. 

“You can tell me, we are still engaged, I think.”

“We’re still engaged.” 

“Good.”

“Good, yeah. Great.”

“Unless you don’t want to be?” 

“Never said that.” 

Your face and… entire body, really, felt two hundred degrees as you looked away from him, looking at everything in the room other than the man in front of you. It wasn’t until he was actually in front of you, his finger hooked underneath your chin and forcing you to look up at him, that you felt your breath catch in your throat. 

“You didn’t say wanted to be, either.” 

“I haven’t had coffee yet.” 

“You’re not supposed to drink coffee for five more days, honey.” 

His eyes were hypnotic, was that why you liked him so much? His touch was gentle and warm, and for just a brief moment something struck you, some memory of his lips against yours, some memory of him holding you tight to his body and your fingers digging into his hair - but you couldn’t remember much more muddled visions of past intimacy.

“Have we had sex?”

“Quite a few times.”

“Was it good?”

“I thought it was good.” 

Now he seemed amused, and you had yet to see him smile before this. He had dimples, which made you want to curl into a ball and die because of course he had dimples. But he was also your fiance, why were you so upset that you were attracted to your own fiance? 

“Could you-” 

“Hey, Scott? Your uncle is downstairs, could you hurry up?” The sound of Javi’s voice outside of the door snapped you both out of whatever was happening, Scott’s hand dropping from your face and your eyes flickering to the ground before staring at the back of his head as he finished getting ready.

“One minute, man! You’re early!”

“Sorry!” 

Stepping toward the door, you listened to the sound of Javi walking away before sighing. Your hand was placed on the handle for just a moment, and you almost wondered what was going through your head throughout those few minutes with Scott. He was the person you were engaged to, you had to be engaged to him for a reason, so why were you so afraid of the fact that you were so into him? Maybe it was because it made no sense in your brain, but everyone had been clear that it had never made sense. 

“How early is he?”

“About fifteen minutes.” 

“Who’s your uncle?”

“Our benefactor.” 

“Scott?”

“Yeah?” 

“I don’t want my own room.” 

“I’ll let our benefactor know.” He responded, looming behind you after a moment. But whatever softness he had been showing was predominantly gone, he was very work-oriented from what you could tell, and he wasn’t the type to be late to even a business meeting that had started early. 

“Am I a part of these meetings?” 

“Typically, no. But I think you should be today, since you almost- since you were injured.” 

Scott was the one to reach past you and open the door, letting you walk out first so he could lock the room behind him.

“How long are we staying here?” 

“Couple days, there’s going to be another storm here in a few days. You’ll be with me today after the storm.” 

“Neat!”

You could see that there was a slight smile growing on his face, but he pushed it aside since he was in public now. There was a bit of familiarity in the feeling of knowing that those more positive emotions that he displayed in front of you were only displayed in front of you, in trying to make him genuinely smile when other people were around when you knew for a fact that wasn’t going to happen. You were certain that you had done this before, you just couldn’t exactly put your finger on when. 

The meeting with his uncle went fine, even though you were certain that you were never overly fond of the man. That was probably why you hardly ever met with him as well, since you didn’t really need to be there in the first place. But he did spill a few somewhat embarrassing facts about Scott being worried sick about you being in the hospital, and how he was probably the one who left the television running in your room since Scott only left your side at night and when he needed to for work. Considering the fact that you were worried that he didn’t care all that much since he wasn’t there to pick you up, this information made you just a little bit more comfortable with him - and a little bit more curious about what else there was about him to learn that you couldn’t tell just from the exterior that you had been shown. 

The tornado was more of the same, you watching from the sidelines and wishing that you could do more than what you were doing and Scott being a little bit bitchy if someone did something that he didn’t like. When it was over, he came back to bring you to the town that had been effected by the storm.

Thankfully, a majority of the damage had been done to a mall that hadn’t opened for the day yet - the employees inside had a storm shelter, and most of the damage was just done to insured companies. For the most part, your role in this was just making sure that the franchise owners in the mall and the people operating small or independent businesses were in contact with Scott’s uncle. Though you weren’t quite sure that you fully agreed with the business-model that Storm Par employed, you were able to take a few moments to help clean up once you were finished with that - even though Scott didn’t really help do much other than lift the heavy objects that you tried to lift even though you weren’t supposed to. 

He did bring you to dinner, though, with a few other people on the team joining along. Sitting with these people brought, again, an odd sense of familiarity. It was odd because you knew that it should feel familiar, you knew that these were people who you knew and worked with, people who you were getting reacquainted with, but it didn’t feel familiar because you couldn’t remember most of your interactions with any of them. It just felt like something that your body was used to, something that your heart was used to, but something that your mind was interpreting as an entirely new experience. 

Sitting beside Scott, you watched him discuss business with a few of the other people who you worked with while you took the time to read more of the detailed email that Javi sent you with everything that you had forgotten from the past few years. Truthfully, you weren’t sure if you needed to read the entire thing. Your nurse had been clear that it wouldn’t actually take forever for you to get your memories back since they were already starting to come back in bits and pieces, but you also had no idea how long it was actually going to take. If it was going to be a year, you needed to know about what you had missed. But if it wasn’t, maybe you should spend more time continuing to engage in your new/old relationships. 

Glancing down, your eyes were locked on Scott’s hand placed on his leg. You wanted to grab it, to see if it would remind you of anything, and from the way that he briefly glanced over at you, you knew that this was something that you did regularly. Flipping his hand over, he gave you the permission that you needed to take his large hand into yours, even though the feeling of your engagement ring against his skin seemed to make his fingers jolt for a second. But, he kept his composure. Seemingly, he just didn’t want to act too soft in front of the others - that was no surprise to you, though. 

While your hope of magically regaining your memories because of one single touch didn’t actually end up coming true, that didn’t stop you from having a nice dinner. It was nice to talk to everyone, to get to know them again, nice to just be around people and alive with the knowledge lingering in the back of your mind that you had almost gotten yourself killed for the man sitting beside you. Despite the glaring character flaws that he displayed when speaking to seemingly anyone other than you, he was still someone who you clearly loved for one reason or another enough to get yourself hurt to protect him. 

Upon returning back to the hotel, Scott helped you move your still packed bag to his room before you changed into a simple pair of sleep shorts and accepted his offer to wear one of his shirts to sleep in. You still couldn’t shake that feeling from earlier as you stood in his room again, that feeling to do… something. You weren’t sure what it was that you wanted. Did you want to discuss more with him? Did you want him to tell you more about your relationship so you could better try to understand it? Were you purely being driven by carnal desires and lust? You weren’t so sure until he stepped out of the bathroom from his shower, your head turning from tea you had been steeping for the past few moments. 

His hair was wet, but there was still a slight curl to it. He was dressed in just his sweatpants again, your eyes lingering on his torso before looking back up to his face. His eyes were almost unreadable, but you knew exactly what it was that you had wanted to do earlier - what you needed to do now.

Setting your mug down on the cupboard, he watched you curiously as you walked closer to him.

“Need something?”

“I think I need you to kiss me.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Please.” 

Whether you thought it was going to jog your memory, or because your body was so used to craving his touch that even your unfamiliarity - which was made a lot less since he had been willing to answer your questions all day - couldn’t deter it; it really didn’t matter. Scott was slow, gentle, giving you enough time to back away and change your mind if you wanted to.

But you held onto his hand as he placed it onto his cheek, and you leaned in to kiss him almost as fast as he leaned in to kiss you. It did feel glaringly familiar, but it also ignited something within you. Though you didn’t remember everything, fragments of your relationship with him replayed in your mind - only small ones, moments that you would need to ask about, but moments nevertheless. The sight of him smiling, of him cleaning mud from your hair after a storm - moments that were soft and sweet and everything that you had come to believe were impossible from him.

You sighed into the kiss, letting your body relax closer to his and encouraging him to deepen the kiss as he brought his free hand to rest on the back of your head. His fingers were slightly tangled into your hair, his tongue pressed lightly against your bottom lip. He felt so good, but you knew that you had to pull back after a moment.

“I didn’t answer your question earlier.”

“What- oh.”

“I do still want to be engaged.”

“Me too.”

“Well, duh, you didn’t forget your memories.” You replied, teasingly as you pressed a chaste kiss against his mouth before taking your tea and setting it on the nightstand. He watched you, seemingly in a trance for a second, before joining you in bed. “I want you to tell me everything you remember.”

“That’s going to take a while.”

“Until you get too tired.” 

“Deal.” 

For roughly two and a half hours, you were able to have moments in your relationship described to you as though they didn’t happen to you, and you were able to feel like you remembered even the ones that you didn’t remember. It was true that the man beside you, the man who you had agreed to marry at one point in your life - a point in your life that he made sure to describe to you - wasn’t the nicest person in the world, but that didn’t change the fact that he was nice to you, he was affectionate with you, and had somehow fallen in love with someone who couldn’t be more different from him. Even though you were just becoming acquainted with him again, you were certain that it wasn’t some impossible task to fall in love with Scott just because he was a little bit prickly. 

In the coming weeks, you would regain a lot more of your memories, and Scott would fill in the blanks that you weren’t so sure about. He would go a little further than he needed to, somehow trying to woo you again when you had already told him that you still wanted to marry him, and it didn’t take you regaining every little memory you ever had with him to fall in love with him again. He was horribly rude to everyone else, but when he was sweet with you, it felt better than any interaction that you had with anyone else. When you eventually did get all of those memories back, there was a sense of relief, but there was also a sense that it was almost unnecessary.

The fact that you had fallen in love with him not once, but twice, made it clear to you that you had made the right choice when you had committed to marrying him two times at this point - and it was going to make you a lot prouder to walk down the aisle than you ever would have before, because there was no doubt in your mind that it was the right choice.

[lunaxstrange]

Can we talk about love in orv?

[SPOILERS]

Okay so, I am aware that Kdj loves the "story" but I really wanna point some things out individually because it's 2am and ORV is on my mind.

Kdj had the easiest way out of the 1863rd turn. The most perfect turn (at the time) but he really went I'd let the world burn for Yjh? Yeah, everything is "part of his plan" but let's talk about the 73rd Demon King arc. My man would do anything to make sure Yjh finishes his story. Apart from this, it's the fact that while everyone else dislike any other version of Yjh (even he hates himself lol), Kdj loves every. single. one. I mean 3rd turn (1864th) Yjh? Yes. Hsy's 1863rd turn? Yes. Frickin' Secretive Plotter? Got off to a rough start but yes. You simply cannot make Kdj hate his beloved protagonist. I mean, this man risked his whole existence to make sure the 0th turn is actually the most perfect one. He didn't want Yjh to regress but became his sponsor anyway because it's what Yjh wanted. He would do anything to see Yjh happy. This type of love isn't romantic or platonic or anything else, it's the most inexplicable form of love. Love in its purest form. I'd like to take the time to compare it to Achilles and Patroclus because while we can fight over whether these two were gay or not, we cannot deny the sheer love they had for each other. No strings attached. Kdj is in awe of Yjh.

Yjh. The regressor. The protagonist. The person Kdj loves the most. Yjh had everything (0th turn) but he really gave it all up just to meet Kdj. Suffered the "Hell of eternity" just to see him. Bro didn't even love Lsw the way he loves Kdj. Tbf, 0th turn Yjh didn't know what the real struggle of passing the scenarios without help was but I'm sure he got the gist. Okay, sure, you can call it "curiosity" that led to Yjh keeping Kdj alive during the 3rd (1864th) turn. But my guy didn't choose Kdj to go to Peace Land because he had "someone he loved" like bro, YJH!? THE COLD REGRESSOR??? HE DID THAT FOR KIM DOKJA! Not to mention the fact that Yjh didn't even care that his whole life was a mere novel. He just despised the fact that Kdj chose the 1863rd turn over him. I'm gonna cry. Bro wanted Kdj so bad that he kept fighting the Secretive Plotter. Not only this, he gave up the 3rd (1864th) turn for Kdj too. Went from Supreme King to terrorist just to save Kdj. When everyone else - even Hsy - gave up. After all, what is a protagonist without a reader? The whole astronaut ordeal might've been to "find his purpose" but we can't ignore their connection. He gave up everything he could ever ask for twice (0th and 3rd/1864th turn) for Kdj. The attachment these two have with each other is insane.

I could go on about them for eternity but we have another person to talk about - Hsy. This woman spent 10 years exhausted, stuck in a world-line and body not her own for one person. Even if it's only Hsy with half her memories, she gave up her perfect world-line because she missed Kdj. Just like Kdj loves Yjh, Hsy also loves every version of Kdj. She wanted to meet him, no matter what the world-line. My girl had only a few hours where she was in control and decided to use off all those hours to write TWSA - a story she herself disliked. Hsy wants to see Kdj happy, every part of Hsy loves Kdj. There is nothing a writer could love more than an avid reader who loves their story. And let's talk about the fact that Yjh and Hsy absolutely hate each other. He is literally her creation (more or less) but their relationship is questionable. Why? Because a protagonist has no value without a reader. Kinda like Asuka Ren and Kyrgios Rodgraim. They have no special relationship despite being creator and creation. Since there is no reader, Asuka and Kyrgios are as distant as two people can be. Alternatively, what brings Hsy and Yjh together is Kdj.

I just can't get enough of the way ORV relationships are written. If I had to describe love as a writer, I'd cite ORV as an example.

[genesisvirus]

What is your interpretation of Wenda?

GOSH wenda is a tricky one cuz i think pretty much everyone has talked about her but like. lemme try atleast cuz i also think most people miss the mark when it comes to wenda. but this IS just my interpretation so take it how you will, i just dislike glorifying her actions ya know. anywayyyyy

-obvious one, but she mimics a cat! i'm sure if she was a specific breed she'd be a turkish angora, but she's mostly a longhair either way.

-she's rather snobbish and prissy at times tbh, think like how cats are usually protrayed in cartoons. tbf she does mean well - sometimes - like i don't think she's an outright villain in the normal mode, just maybe hard to get along with at times.

-her and gray have a love-hate relationship going on, where sometimes they get along decently, and other times gray can't stand her. they're both rather introverted and they sometimes do NOT bond over this.

-wenda does try to bond with the others, but she's rather closed-off and a bit of an outcast at times. she's not outright cruel, she's just hard to get along with, and that separates her from the others and she's aware of that. so is blackhat.

-that being said, others do try to include her when they can. oren obviously treats her pretty well, despite how she heavily dislikes his gf for some reason, and vineria and durple are rather chill with her when she's not being a jerk.

-i feel like her and jevin would've gotten along, had they interacted with each other more. i also think that, if she had let go of some of her ego, she'd probably be closer to oren.

-she is able to purr just like canon, however she is unable to meow or make most other cat-like noises. this genuinely upsets her since she can't make a whole lot of unique music. in actuality part of it is the little bit of wolf traits that she has. she can't meow, but she can bark if she tried.

-blackhat chose to manipulate wenda as she was the most outcast of the group. it was a bit of a slow burn, but he gaslit her into believing that the world they lived in wasn't real, and that they were all pawns that blackhat could bring back whenever, and as such there was no consequences to whatever happened to them. he deprived her of sleep and peace and quiet, drilling his words into her head until she finally snapped and had enough, and wanted to prove him either right or wrong.

-she drugs and kidnaps oren, and ends up performing an autopsy on him to see if he was real. he died in the middle of it, but came back via blackhat, which seemingly proved that everything blackhat was saying was true. this, along with the sleep deprivation and such, drove wenda insane, taking her frustration out on oren before eventually deciding that she needed to do the same to the others, under the belief that blackhat would free her from her fake life if she did what he said.

-i'm gonna leave the confirmed kills kinda small since i'm not sure if the creator will reveal more later, but so far i will say that wenda did kill oren, raddy, and tunner, and she was the one to mutilate pinki's face. she may've also caused the plant inside vineria to overtake her, or atleast speed up the process, but who knows.

-she's pretty much living in denial 24/7 in order to get thru the horrors she's experiencing AND causing. if she took a minute to process what she had done, she'd have a complete mental breakdown. she tries her best to ignore it for her own sake, just hoping that what she's doing is for a good cause. the truth will absolutely break her even more.

-she still interacts with durple and simon as if they're still their normal selves, oblivious to their changes and how they don't behave at all like themselves. she also does the same to the "dead", under the belief that it doesn't matter since none of it is real. so ofc they'd act normally, just ignore the blood and gore ofc!

-she's alot more comfortable with her singing after going insane, which is ironic since most of her singing is disordered and chaotic.

-she has a few stray injuries here and there from others defending themselves, and from simon randomly snapping at her at times. notably she has a bullet wound from when tunner shot at her, which the only treatment she gave it was a cloth wrapped around it.

-at this point and time she actually does not care whether she kills gray or not, she just views him as another victim. the problem is wenda has never been good at finding gray.

-the one person she actually hasn't tried to attack yet is jevin. the reason is unknown, but part of it may be explained with how she tries to encourage jevin to just listen to blackhat and give into its reign.

[bobbydagen24]

little Creek backstory idea I've been thinking about recently.

( Look at that big adorable chubby smile lol )

I've talked before about the idea of Creek returning in a future film and being given a proper redemption story maybe with him returning and Branch and Poppy being forced to work with him

to try and save the village from some looming threat which Creek has knowledge on and the duo begrudgingly learn to give him another chance.

anyway when thinking about Creek recently I came up with this backstory idea for him to try and flesh him out a little more

the idea was that since I'm pretty sure Creek's age isn't confirmed? I'd have him be about as old as Branch or maybe even a year or two older

meaning he was alive and old enough to remember the years the trolls were trapped in Bergentown and following the escape like Branch he was left orphaned by the Bergens

but instead of isolating himself from everyone as a response to his Trauma like Branch did

Creek did live a fairly normal life as part of the community but basically growing up as a foster kid in pop village Creek developed an emotional distance to everyone around him

meaning his relationships while friendly and serviceable ( like his relationship with Poppy and the snack pack ) were ultimately just kinda surface level

since Creek never let himself feel any genuine connection to other people and instead developed his "" I have to look out for number 1 "" mindset since no one else was going to.

while you could argue this creates a problem in regards to him disregarding Branch's fears over the Bergens which it kinda does tbf but also Creek would have still grown up in a community

that hadn't seen a Bergen in over 2 Decades plus a community that actively rewarded mockery of Branch's fears, which means I think Creek with this backstory still not buying into Branch's fears

and making fun of him for them would still make sense especially since it helped his public persona as the chill fun guy who everyone liked

also I feel it would actually make Creek a bit of an interesting counterpart to Branch in a way if they were both orphans from the Bergen days

but Branch went in the direction of being outwardly uncaring and anti social and constantly afraid but ultimately he deeply cared for the people around him deep down.

while Creek seemingly was a normal kind caring member of the community but underneath he always was very detached due to his upbringing

making him think life was basically an every man for himself type of game since no one else was really looking out for him growing up other than himself.

like I said this was just an idea for a potential Creek backstory to flesh him out I'd been thinking about recently

and if Creek did come back and we got that whole redemption plot I feel he and Branch could have some interesting interactions where Branch actually realises

the two of them have more common than he'd have ever thought

I imagine Branch had always assumed Creek was some spoilt brat who had everything handed to him growing up so to find out he was actually a lone wolf who pretty much raised himself after the escape

same as him would probably throw Branch for six lol.

and maybe learning this about Creek actually explains somewhat why he behaved so uncaring towards Poppy and the snack pack post betrayal

since he never actually had much of an actual emotional connection to them and maybe he even assumed it was the same vice versa due to his warped world view

and that coupled with them coming to understand that he acted badly in selling out the village due to fear in extreme circumstances

I think could be a good way to get Branch and Poppy to understand him a tad more and give him another chance

maybe even teaching him a thing or two about actually forming proper emotional connections and letting yourself actually be vulnerable with other people.

Idk just a random story idea I had recently lol.

[vaguely-concerned]

I listened to the first episode of vows and vengeance and... god. god forget waiting for veilguard, how the fuck am I going to survive the wait between each episode of this???? tl;dr: I loved it, I love dragon age, I love audio dramas, I love voice acting and music, I love thedas, I am IMMEDIATELY painfully invested. if nadia doesn't get her sweet fancy lad back whole and unharmed by the end of this I am killing everyone in tevinter and then myself.

more thoughts under the cut! not a lot of deep analysis just flailing and feelings today haha

I hadn't realized that elio would be a magister! idk if it was in any marketing beforehand, but if so I didn't pay enough attention to remember it lol. he sounds like he might be prime lucerni-material politically, so I'm a little sad we didn't get even a subtle dorian or maevaris easter egg in there, as far as I could tell, but hey, you can't have everything. (honestly unless BIG changes are upon us (which tbf they probably are) it might be just as well that this went down as it did, b/c I'm not sure how long elio would survive in the magisterium that we've heard tell of, he's quite -- either soft and shortsighted, or politically reckless, I think nadia was right there.)

I found nadia, elio and their dynamic very effectively introduced -- the fact that they haven't quite figured out how to be good to each other yet but so clearly both desperately want to be and are willing to work for that is a smart place to start the story. it makes it feel all the sadder if they never get the chance to work it all out, because I think they could have every chance to, given the time.

The voice actors for the central characters are all wonderful (orin's was. fine! doing a good enough job with a slightly more thankless role, let's call it that.) also so nice to hear people humming the tavern songs we heard in inquisition. god I love thedas I'm so glad we're getting to go right back in there soon

The episode was longer than I thought they would get, and it was all the better for it! I'm so happy it seems they'll get the space they need to tell this story, especially since nadia appears to be setting out on quite a continent-spanning odyssey here (I'm so sorry about your life nadia)

SOLAS solas solas! solas. solas!!!! he is such a BITCH and I love him so much. he is being aggressively himself and I didn't realize just how much I'd missed him. no one gets me frustrated quite like you baby you know better than this I KNOW you could know better than this why do you never learn a single thing I know you have the capacity somewhere in there. patron saint of endlessly fucking up. WHERE do you get off being condescending to nadia when all your ~*brilliant*~ plans backfire catastrophically on you every single time solas. yeah of course you're sorry, and you fucking better be, if she stabbed you I'd be sad but also like 'yeah I mean you had that one coming sorry ¯\_(ツ)_/¯' about it!!! what the fuck. come home please

such a weird feeling to have him be an ominous stranger on the road to elio and nadia while I was standing there with my arms crossed and my foot tapping irritably like 'oh so now he shows his face, there he is. my husband. my ex-husb -- my nemesis and poor little meo -- it's complicated alright. he's in the dog house, but the dog house he's in is still mine'. I do adore how unstoppably solas clearly wants to be a teacher, he works so hard to be mysterious and aloof but the lonely insufferable chatterbox knowitall jumps out at every turn.

neve trying and almost succeeding in freezing the whole bay I'm

like. okay then! much to think about

the only thing I'm not a big fan of is the characters calling out in-game spells in sort of a self-indulgent way, but hell if I know how else you'd communicate exactly what's going down magically in an audio format like this so y'know. very easily forgiven from my side honestly

[accirax]

initial thoughts on DCAS episode 7

very notable that this was within the context of being about "love" specifically. (at least) one-sided trevek canon? (i'm not even a huge trevek shipper i just think this whole plotline is funny)

okay, so Yul's foot injury IS real. or at least, he's using it as an excuse to complain. still, the fact that it was brought up again an episode later makes me think that it's going to have SOME relevance to the plot.

any time that Yul has to parrot something in Emily's "you go girlfriend ;D" manner of speaking i cackle. he didn't choose the home decor saying any time is wine time lifestyle, the home decor saying any time is wine time lifestyle chose him.

Grett i am... genuinely confused. how can you possibly think that Yul is actually in love with you? did you really receive THAT little love in your home life? you have no ability to distinguish catty and fake praise for your accomplishments from real ones because your family gave you THAT little recognition? man. now i made myself sad :( ily Grett

okay, confirming that 1) it was Tom's trap, 2) they are willing to eat squirrels, 3) Tom is serving as the provider for the Cyan tribe. all things to take into account for any upcoming Cyan eliminations.

why

and how does said boyfriend feel about you kissing another man on television, Tom? this is a stupid lie.

again, why? it's probably already apparent from my earlier comments, but i changed my mind; i'm fully with Jake in this argument now. sure, Jake is really insecure and overly emotional, but what the HELL is Tom doing? making up a boyfriend is a really shitty thing to do, whether Tom had a legit reason for not calling Jake these past two years or if he didn't contact Jake due to his own mixed feelings/indifference. in either case, he should have told Jake the truth. at least when Jake was acting immature in S1, he was 24. Tom is a nearly 30 year old man. ACT LIKE IT.

Fiore slay

this is a really interesting response due to how vague it is, including in the vocal performance. was he taken off guard by his boss being nice to him? does he believe that she's telling the truth? does he feel bad for Trevor, or will he come to believe that he IS way better than Trevor? i'm glad that they're continuing on with the concept of the hosts having a plotline, because imo that was one of the highlights of S2, but they aren't doing it in a way that eats up as much of the screentime as it did in S2.

if Will was out of the picture i would be shipping these two so hard. who am I kidding, i kind of still am anyways.

Ally's other gf is here :,) glad that they got to reconnect (and neither of them were eliminated for it)

Fiore slay

the confirmation that Aiden thinks that the idea of him having any attraction to Tom is laughable and disgusting is HILARIOUS to me. bro really said, "why the hell would i be into YOU when i have JAMES lmao" straight to Tom's face. tbf, James and Tom are like... opposites in terms of personality and appearance (beyond being generally handsome and athletic young men).

"silly me, i keep forgetting that not everyone met their super cool and attractive boyfriend on reality TV. my bad!" (/pos)

(i tried to type "hubby" instead of boyfriend but i spared you all. it was too cringe even as the one subjecting others to the cringe.)

okay this was very fitting for her. iconic.

honestly, Alec and Riya's villainous alliance/friendship is really fun. leave it to Alec to always find himself in the least likely but most entertaining duos. Riya really benefits from being paired with a legitimate strategist, and someone who won't just let her totally get away with stuff.

we had to get in one last Fiore taking unnecessary damage for the road :,(

feeling like Jaiden is going to be winning the starting couples' survival roulette. and Wishley, to the extent they count.

now i'm no physicist, but how did this work? shouldn't the ball be a fast and heavy enough object at this point that it would jump over the log, not ricochet off of it? i suppose if the ball is made of something more like wicker than yarn, it could be a bit more likely to do that. but then why is it going to the side? it hit the log straight on!

... are you not allowed to help him anymore? what?

ellie is going full villain mode fr. if her and gabby's relationship gets messed up, that would definitely be karma. but, i suppose she survives this episode...

this is funny because nobody strikes me as the pizza and soda loving type. Alec, Grett, Yul, and Riya all seem like people who would want to eat something that's both fancier and healthier.

communication W (for both of them)

Fiore is such a best girl that she's not even a salty juror. she's not mad at them for so long that she can't use her final moments to throw a wrench in the works for everyone else. the grind never sleeps, clowns <3

and she even conquered her greatest nemesis, the bus, this time. fly high, queen. i'll miss you.

well, as a Fiore stan, this episode was a bit sad for me. but, i do totally understand why Magenta would both vote for Fiore and lose the challenge. (damn you, Ellie...) Fiore already did super well in both S1 and the original Adventure Camp, so i understand why they wouldn't have her go super far again in this season, especially when everyone knows she's such a threat.

i just hope that we can still get a little more closure for her and Alec than we got already in this season. all it has to be is, like, him being sad at her elimination for reasons other than pure strategy and maybe a nice conversation at the finale. it doesn't have to be Alec finally adopting her... even if i did want that to happen... i'd just prefer to know that they leave things on good terms.

anyways, another really solid episode! i look forward to the next one. thanks for reading!

[be-side-my-self]

Watching Season 4 of Only Murders In The Building. (E8)

Rewatch of ONLY Murders In The Building to prepare for season 4:

<Part I> // <Part II> // <Part III> // <Part IIII> // <Part V> // <Part VI> // <Part VII> // <Part VIII>

<S4 E1> // <S4 E2> // <S4 E3> // S4 E4 // <S4 E5> // <S4 E6> // <S4 E7>

This is no rewatch but my new posts can also easily be blocked because I'll continue to use #OMITBRewatch as a tag. I'll also tag #OMITBS4. While quoting, I use M, O, C for the main characters.

Beware spoilers! (even though it's saturday... I am sick but finally find the time to watch the episode)

S4 E8

Okay, let's go!

I don't think I watched even one Hitchcock movie.

We know how Vince and Richard know Dudenoff but we are still missing the connection to Alfonso, Inez and Ana?

Ah, Helga! Hammy Faye belonged to her?

M: "How do neither of you know how to pop the hood of a car?" O: "Because real men hire other men, Mabel." C: "Triple-A says they're 15 minutes away, and it's good to leave them something to do 's cause it makes 'em happy." Tbf, I have to search for the lever in my car every time I have to pop the hood... but at least I have an idea where it is.

Always the iphone ring tone.

Aw cute Charles and Vance were wordle buddies.

lmao the stars and the originals meet at the set of Charle's apartment instead of Charle's apartment.

Loretta and Oliver are getting married this weekend? That is fast... okay they are old but it's also very fast.

Love how Mabels stare put Zach in his place.

The "Lady Longoria 19-in-1 Multitool." is going to be Checkov's gun, is it not?

Omg. No, Eugene! Don't try to get Charles angry!

Ah! Dudenoff and his wive went to the restaurant owned by Alfonso and Inez.

Alfonso: "Tony Dancer would be an investor."

Love that Rudy is doing the whole monologue when most only do one or two lines.

Dudenoff, being philosophical: "Let me ask you somethin'. If your life were a movie, what would be your happy ending?" Eva, saying what I also thought a moment earlier before I rememberd that Dudenoff is probably not that kind of guy: "And that's when he touched your Santa sack, and you had your 'happy ending.'"

Vince what you describe is depression.

Love that Dudenoff is calling Vince 'kid'.

So, the westies did not do it?

Helga!

C: "You're Helga? I imagined you toothless with a club." WHY CHALRLES?! O: "Disregard him, Helga. His brain is covered with plaque. Please go on." I don't think that is the explaination but okay.

I like Helga. A girl with the dream of bekoming a locksmith since her childhood is something special.

Aw :( why the unneeded sarcasm Helga..? that makes her less sympathetic. But she is a locksmith.

Again the "Perfect Strangers" song.

What I'm confused about is that Helga has such a strong accent when we can assume that she grew up in America. What was she? Dutch? Norwegian? Swedish? I forgot... either way they all learn english very early on too.

lmao Charles folding stuff in the background.

What now?

Where are they?

Did Dudenoff kill himself?

Wow that is harsh... Dudenoff just made everyone accomplices...

I'm not sure the camera would be good enough for that lighting.

okay but who killed Sazz?

Okay... Zach can connect (kiss) Oliver because they are both romantics...

Found families really is a topic in the whole show...

WHO KILLED SAZZ?!?!

What about Howard..?

Suddenly a completely new character?? Or it's Glen.

WAS I RIGHT AND IT'S ABOUT THE STUNTPEOPLE?!

Helga: "She talked about a stuntman on a movie called Project Ronkonkoma."

It's Glen!

Heck. What a twist.

But even if it was Glen who killed Sazz because of something, he would have no reason to stop the OG 3 from making the podcast so there is still a bigger storyline in the background?

[justajsworkshop]

i really cannot believe how my entire experiencing of myself and reality changed with the realization that there is no other. even when i affirmed "i am god/source, and there is no other", it didn't hit me until i heard "i am reality, and there is no other."

the way i was holding onto this false idol that there's some secret will or agenda 3D reality holds that i had to fight against/race against/transcend/overcome/out-persist. like, no wonder i was so exhausted and frustrated. i was fighting against a self-made monster.

now, i look at my life, and all i see is fulfillment. i think of my desires, and all i see is the assurance that they're already mine. i am already whole, complete, and worthy—absolute and perfect fulfillment in every possible way.

how can there be anything but my desired end when i am reality?? when it's just me and no other false god?? sure, i have doubts and fears and feelings of impatience and all those things that occasionally crop up. but i am centered in the knowing that i am the awareness in which all these ever-changing circumstances, thoughts, feelings, and emotions pass through. i don't attach myself or my narrative to them. i let them be; i let them pass, and above all, I AM.

it's made me see so clearly how easy this all actually is—that fulfillment IS our natural state of being. i used to keep telling myself "i'm going to have my 'i get it!' moment. it's going to all make sense." and tbf, it's not like i didn't understand these principles intellectually/conceptually or even that i didn't accept them as truth. i just hadn't fully embodied them to this degree of absolute faith in perfect fulfillment.

there's some scripture about being exalted in the final hour or with the final degree; i can't fully remember/find it. but that's how i feel: exalted. there is nothing i can't have, be, or experience because i am all things. now, i rest, knowing it's all already mine.

[ikamigami]

It does make me wonder, if there is a redemption in the end for all of this, if New Moon will still choose to become Nexus, or some other name, to differentiate himself fully, as even before this insane corruption arc he had this inner debate about being New vs Old Moon, I've seen some others suggest this theory and I think it could be interesting, if all the wrongs were made right beforehand that is

Hmm I think that Old Moon will go buy buy and New Moon will be back to normal and he'll be Moon..

Like idk it'd be weird to just swap them again.. or even just make Old Moon just Moon once again and New Moon would stay Nexus - a villain..

I don't see a point in this tbh.. cause why show would make such a deal of Moon being worried about Sun which is the reason to why Moon became so paranoid in the first place ofc together with his insecurities - yes all of this was caused by talk with Dark Sun in his original dimension but these were main factors..

And later also Moon told Earth that he's scared that Sun is self-destructive.. and he later had that vivid dream that Sun died protecting Lunar which reflects exactly what Old Moon told him that he needs to not let Sun sacrifice himself.. and later Moon being in poor mental state - it was after the dream mind you - told Molten that Sun is light of his life.. so I think that it is important..

It seems like a set-up for Moon to snap out of this state thanks to Sun.. though it most definitely happen when Sun will die but still..

Though that begs the question what will happen with Old Moon? Tbf.. I have no idea lol 😅

One thing I'm sure of is that Moon needs to finally accept himself.. and take responsibility for his actions and atone for what he's done..

Hmm.. you know what? Maybe Old Moon will merge with New Moon still.. I mean it won't be a completely new person cause their personalities are so similar that there's barely a difference..

But I was thinking that maybe show will make Moon try to atone for his actions - all of them.. the past and the present.. he'll take responsibility for everything that he's done.. and he'll try to regain trust and forgiveness of his family especially Sun.. cause he hurt him the most..

And I think that if they would merge Moon he'd have all of his memories.. and even if that would mean that he'll remember Old Moon's trauma.. I think that maybe merging them together would make Moon more complete.. maybe it'd help him feel more whole.. and less insecure about his own identity..

Maybe that's the plan.. or maybe not.. idk but they'll definitely do something with Old Moon but I doubt that they'll let him live making that there would be two Moons..

[quietwingsinthesky]

"stop voting for gabriel gabriel is Not cool he’s a dork" tbf, my definition of "cool" has never seemed to align with what others consider "cool". my definition of "cool" usually requires some level of autism around dinosaurs and/or animals in general (GODS I love weird animal trivia and Jurassic Park did something to my brain chemistry my dad taking small child me to see it in theaters was a Mistake) which none of the archangels seem to display much of. the closest is Gabe with the little dog in his first ep.

(Jurassic Park example, actually. Alan Grant is the coolest mf in that movie and I'm p sure it's supposed to be Malcolm.) "look at how that dude dresses! how he acts! so cool!" "fascinating, but what is his favorite Star Trek series." I'm too autistic to understand whatever constitutes "cool" conventionally I guess. Hannibal is fine I like him but Will, with his dog obsession and deep desire to be Left The Fuck Alone, and then becoming unhinged over the series? very cool of him.

"this angel is a tyrant in favor of the apocalypse" deeply uncool. "this angel is a hedonistic coward that likes to victimize abusers" well, the bar is pretty low… (which isn't to say I think that deeply uncool (imo) character trait makes them a bad character in general, I just can't associate them with "cool-ness".)

oh but also? "any excuse to think about lucifer being a slut #literally let me run a train on him until he’s mindbroken. that would fix him." ur right ur so right and it's very sexy of u to say.

(godfather voice) You come into my house, on the day my daughter's to be married, and you ask me to accept not only raphael slander, but ian malcolm slander??? HANNIBAL SLANDER??????????

no, no, it's fine. i see all these guys as pretty equally weird and autistic. i mean, ian malcolm is described as a rockstar of a mathematician for a reason, this is his Thing, you know? he thinks flirting via explaining his mathematical theory is hot. i'm really not sure you could claim he's not fascinated by the dinosaurs, given that they're his vehicle to prove his theory correct, that he's the one in the book who takes note of their population growth and figures out that the park is going to get out of human control very quickly. (as far as I remember, it's been a few years since i revisited it.) sorry wait this isn't ian malcolm defense squad time. and we don't have time to get into hannibal lmao.

BUT. i will not be accepting raphael slander ever forever. incorrect. they lay out their reasoning for the apocalypse very clearly in 5x03, how they have watched every monstrous thing that has occurred in human history and only been able to come to the conclusion that god has to be dead, because otherwise he couldn't have allowed it to happen. the apocalypse is a promised escape from pain. and then, of course, castiel's resurrection in the s5 finale alongside the apocalypse being cancelled tells them only one thing: that god is alive and he just. let all that shit happen. let it happen to the world, let it happen to raphael. now, gabriel is dead, michael and lucifer are in the cage, god is still mia, and castiel. it doesn't actually matter what castiel believes because he's become the face of all of that. it's an impossible position to be in, and archangels are, as a rule, not very good at changing course. raphael is alone, and raphael has decided to self-destruct. i just wish the writers actually gave a shit about them so they could have leaned into what is one of the coolest arcs of disillusionment with god and grasping at any measure of control when the one stable thing you've based your whole life on has been yanked out from under you.

and gabriel is deeply uncool. that's the point! he's not a hero of the people, taking out evildoers in funny ways. he's a deeply petty, incredibly self-serving asshole who still carries the belief that, as an archangel, he gets to decide what's right and wrong, who lives and who dies, and how much pain he gets to cause them before they do. he's all for the apocalypse until it starts messing with his things. his eventual stand against lucifer isn't righteous, it's a dozen insults lashing out as his older brother, trying to hurt him as much as he possibly can because lucifer hurt gabriel first. and he dies because he is still too much like lucifer. he's still playing the same tricks lucifer taught him to. cause what's the apocalypse but a much larger version of gabriel's game, right? one angel who decided humanity as a whole was rotten and needed to be wiped out against another angel who has spent the past few centuries taking out his issues on whatever jerk crosses his path. like, really, the difference is that lucifer is out to get Results. gabriel likes fucking with people, but he doesn't want the status quo to change because that would mean no more people to fuck with.

first and foremost, gabriel is a dickhead whose shots sometimes hit their mark. i love him so much, he's so awful.

[mrsbsmooth]

So we know you love Lewie 💗💗 Any thoughts on the other islanders, the season so far, the twin twist? And what steamy fics can we expect from you 🔥🔥My request is for a threesome with Ozzy and Marshall 🥵👯‍♂️ Wait, am I Kat?! 🤣

tbf a LOT of the islanders are fire this season, so I’ll take them all! Ok, FB has turned me into thirsty Kat.

I MEANNNNNNNNNN

Honestly, thoughts are all over the place. But thank you so much for asking!!! Here they are as of today:

The Game:

The first 3 chapters - 8/10 I was going to give it a 7.5, because of the repeating dialogue and a few spelling mistakes, but so far, I think it's better written than Seasons 4 and 5- maybe on par with S3 which is a season I really enjoyed. I'm really liking how Amelia seems to be responding to how you treat her, especially if you look at the scripts. Whether or not that will affect her actions remains to be seen.

The MC - 8/10 I gotta say... she's pretty cute. It does take some fiddling to get her the way you want her, and some of her facial expressions make it look like she's had botched lip job, but overall, she's definitely prettier than S4 and S5. (Except your S5 MC ^^ wtf she's so pretty???)

The LIs - 9/10 So far, I'm really liking what I'm seeing. Yeah, some of their dialogue is the same. But I think they're different enough in personality and where it matters that it's not as noticeable as it was in say, Season 4, where James and Bruno shared a whole heap of the same dialogue, but it was clearly written with Bruno in mind, so it just seemed OOC for James. We've got a cocky dancer with a hopeless romantic streak; a golden retriever boyfriend with a soft spot for his Nan; a funny, cheeky skateboarder with a 'why-don't-you-make-me' level of flirt; and also Ryan is there. The personalities are distinct, the character designs are great, I'm really looking forward to finding out more about them

Overall design and concept- 7/10 I gotta say, I'm optimistic. It's starting out really strong for a new season. I get that it's not everyone's cup of tea, as it's a little 'gimmicky', but that's the road Fusebox are going down with the past few seasons. They're not just doing an 'open play' like S1, 2 and 3 where you come in as an OG and play all the way through. 4,5, and 6 are all 'themed', and I think having a twin in the villa is a cool concept that'll be worth exploring. It's been easy in previous seasons to just play for yourself, and say 'fuck these hoes' and just take whatever LI you want. But when it's your own sister, I think it'll make it harder to go after what you want - a moral dilemma with a family flavour. I kinda love it. Plus, if you have an identical twin that's as hot as you are, I doubt this is the first time you've had men confused about which one of you to pick💀

The Islanders:

Bella - hot. flawlessly hot. incredible rack. Her character design is absolutely gorgeous, and she is gonna be a fan favourite for sure. She just seems so fun, similar to Cora from S4, but more mature and ready for a romantic relationship. Can't wait to watch her bloom.

Grace - FB I will never forgive you for not making her a LI. I want her, those curves just *chefs kiss*. But honestly, if anyone's gonna be my bestie, I'm feeling it ith Grace. Yeah, she seems to like Ozzy, but she doesn't seem like the type to get her claws in and latch on for dear life a la Kat or Hope. Let's just hope and pray and beg that they're not making a brown girl villain again.

Ivy - I told y'all from the moment I saw her that I didn't trust this bitch. She looks too much like my cousin and my cousin is a backstabbing skank. I'm loving the concept of her though, this super type-A girl who (I almost guarantee) is either going to a) get kicked out early for being too picky, or b) have the most beautiful redemption arc where she ends up with a guy who ticks exactly zero of her boxes but she falls for him anyway. However, given Fusebox's history, I'm gonna predict she's the villain for about 2 days, then gets booted, same as Lexi from S4.

Jamal - Boys with J names 🚩... but honestly he seems nice. He's my backup LI at the moment. I'll see how things go with my #1 and might start again with Jamal instead. I think you're gonna get some wonderfully steamy scenes with this one. He's giving Bobby x Arjun, and that is something that deeply appeals to me. Cheeky, cheeky, cheeky. He's a saucy little minx and he's gonna be trouble, I just know it. Love his design, love his character so far, really happy.

Lewie - I thought he was a little baby-faced to start with, but honestly, I look at him and my brain screams husband. I'm getting Bruno x Gary x Ciaran from this one, and oh dear me, if that's not a combo that makes me swoon IDK what is. Love him so far, he's such a sweetheart but I love a footy lad.

Ozzy - I'm suspicious. I know he's already captured a few peoples' attention, but I was a little dismissive with him and he seemed a bit... red flag-y. Just a little too arrogant, you know? A little too flirtatious for someone who's very aware of how into him Grace is. I did like that he'd never had a one night stand though, although not sure how that meshes with the celebrity he apparently hooked up with in the dance studio? Because in the challenge he said he'd never dated a celebrity, but he also said he's never had a one night stand, so did he have a celebrity FWB????? The stories just aren't adding up to me. I don't trust him. Also his jaw's too sharp. And his flirty face looks like Rocco from S2. This one:

🥴

Ryan - Literally who? I keep forgetting he exists. Take your Timothee Chalamet ass away. IDK why but I'm getting Nicolas vibes from this one. 0/10 do not trust. It's something about the face.

Fics:

You want steamy fics? The @litgwritersroom asks are open, just sayinnnn

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

Vetinari for the character ask game? :)

ahhhh everyone's favourite dictator.

First impression

I read Hogfather first, and so I didn't think much of him at all. Downey left way more of an impression on me, obviously. Then I read Guards! Guards! and I thought him mildly entertaining, though perhaps a bit boring and predictable.

Overall, I think my takeaway was: What a stupid nerd, love that for him, but he should be more of a weird freak.

(Do I have Downey's approach to Vetinari? Possibly.)

Impression now

I'm not sure my impression has changed too much. While Vetinari does change a bit as a character over the series (though in the last few books he's pretty OOC, in my opinion), it's not distinct enough of an arc for me to really alter my opinions on him.

(tbf I do stop accepting canon at a certain point, because there are some books of Pratchett's that shouldn't have been published because they weren't up to standards due to the whole mental decline. Let him write all he wants, just don't publish them. Jesus.)

Like, Pratchett doesn't write deep characters for the most part. Vimes and Granny have depth to them - but they're POV characters so I would hope they have depth. But side characters, not so much. Which is reasonable, you know. Pratchett was writing satire and pretty basic political commentary, he wasn't doing character studies or deep literary explorations.

So, I think Vetinari is a fun spoofing of the stereotypical villainous dictator wherein he's still a dictator but he's not terrible. He's sort-of benevolent. (He still has a scorpion pit and has Problem People assassinated and locks away others who he likes but doesn't want out in the open for various reasons i.e., Leonard. Still very much a tyrant - don't get on his bad side or you'll disappear. But he's nicer than Snapcase and Winder. Low bar but he crosses it.)

I like that he's very weird and has an idiosyncratic sense of humour. That delights me. Also his fastidiousness and clear foibles and ticks are charming. That he refuses to leave treats on Wuffles' grave that Wuffles didn't like in real life is a nice detail on some of the innter softness that is in him.

That said, he can be a hard one to get into the interiority of his head because he's so...untouchable, in a certain way? He always has a trick, he always has an answer, he is always able to turn a situation to his advantage no matter what to an implausible degree, etc.

Like, Vimes I understand. I can get into his head. Same for Angua or Carrot or Downey or Sybil. But Vetinari is on the harder side. I can do it, but it's not as easy as it is for others.

It's the perfection, I think, because TP needed Vetinari to never not be in power therefore he has to be impenetrable and able to always maintain control, or reclaim control in a Cool Fashion should it have been wrested from him in some manner.

We also just don't spend much time with him, compared to others. (Barring Downey, but Downey is disastrously human so I get him.)

Favorite moment

Probably most of his vacationing with Colon and Nobby during Jingo. That was all rather entertaining.

Idea for a story

I feel like I've written all the stuff I want to with Vetinari? I'm not sure I have something off hand that I can think of.

Unpopular opinion

He ain't the woke leader fandom sometimes weirdly projects him as. He is High Tory who does progressive changes only when he thinks it will best suit him to maintain stability within the city, overt control of Ankh-Morpork as a whole, and/or to ensure the city's broader hegemony within the region.

In Night Watch he isn't written like a sixteen/seventeen-year-old and I wish he had been.

Favorite relationship

Downey lol. I mean, come on - those two have history and it's going to be Stupid and Ridiculous.

I also like him and Madam and wish we saw more of that, especially in present day as an adult.

Favorite headcanon

Other than Madam being his mother? His leg wound is an actual disability and will steadily get worse with age and Vetinari's seeming lack of a lot of physical activity.

Pratchett sort of writes it off as a whatever/funny point/something that isn't an actual problem for Vetinari (because Vetinari can't have real problems due to the need for him to be perfect so he never has to write political changeover in the city in the present day) - and I always found this annoying.

So yeah, the leg wound is a real problem and his cane is an actual mobility device and not some "aha, you thought I was weak but I'm actually not!" gimmick.

----

Thank you! <3

[vacancy90]

So, that attack on Mont Ventoux didn't go as planned... 🙃

1. Don't freaking trust Google maps pt. II!

2. Just ask the bike rent dude which route to take!

3. Trust road signs. They don't lie around here.

I briefly stated this before, so here's the long version of what happened, if you wanna read on:

Set off from Sault at 13:00 which was a good time. And then took a wrong turn and went and went and went until we ended up on a not gravel road but freaking rocky whatever. Thought, ok, let's push the bikes up that hill and see what it's like from the next crossing. Yeah, no. Turned around, rode all the way back to take another wrong turn and ride uphill for kilometres only to get attacked by some dogs. At this stage we had ridden like 12 km already and I was so mad, mainly at myself for being so stupid that I didn't just ask for the way and went by Google maps which suggested only insane, unpaved, private roads that you couldn't even see when you stood right in front of them.

However, giving up was not an option at this point. So back to the town of Sault and fresh start from there. The moral was down, though, and 16 km were done before we even started the actual route. So, under the burning sun and with my frustration growing, you can imagine, I had to abandon my mission Ventoux summit for today. That was about 16:10 and also, we had to return the rented bike by 18:30 and we wouldn't have made it.

What a relief, honestly, the decision to ride back now. Descending is so much fun! I love it and I think I'm not too bad at that. Luckily, there weren't too many cars and motorbikes but still you need to be careful in every turn not to drift too far to the other side of the road. I'm not that reckless, ok. I'm still a beginner.

At the end of the day, I'm still proud of all the km I managed uphill. Even on the wrong track. It's still an achievement. And one way or another I'm gonna go to that summit before this vacation is over!!

Thanks for reading this far!

I can only say, even if they do nothing else all year than ride bikes everyday and for years, and their whole life is dedicated to that, what the pros do is incredible. This goes for every professional athlete in any sport obviously.

At one point uphill, I heard two riders approaching behind me (which happens a lot actually - hello e-bikers - but these two were on normal road bikes) and they were chatting casually and passing me in a speed I only ever reach downhill ! 😭😂 like wtf?! Tbf they looked really professional, expensive bikes and all. Who knows, but their friendly 'bonjour' while passing me as they easily rode up that hill will stick with me forever. I'm sure they made it to the summit for me today! 💕

Here are the photos of the day:

From cherry tomato to frustrated cherry tomato to happy post highspeed descend tomato 😄🤞

[hongchenzhu]

Hong Chen Character intro

@lanthanum12 here you go

Name: Hong Chen

Hong = 红 = red

Chen = 尘 = dust

Altogether her name literally means red dust.

However, there are several deeper meanings behind that name.

In traditional Chinese cultural, 红尘 has always meant as a metaphor for a city of wealth and prosperity.

In Buddhism there is a saying 看破红尘, meaning looking through the red dust. The red dust in this sentence symbolises worldly affairs or mortal affairs.

(Fun fact 尘 and 城 have the same pronunciation in Chinese but have 2 completely different meanings. 尘 means dust 城 means city, 城主 on my blog means city master. Hong Chen can technically also be called city master because she has her own town and stuff but that is too complicated, I can make a whole post about why and how)

She is immortal

Height… very tall (Am tempted to make her like 7.5 feet tall so she’s in the tall gang and can look down at Fingon, maybe even 8 feet tall)

Eye colour: red

Clothing: Hanfu, black with red accents or the other way around (I’ll be describing what type of Hanfu she is wearing and a pic cause we love a fashionista 😎)

Hair colour/length: Long black hair, reaching the back of her knees

Okie now her name has been introduced let me introduce her role and who she truly is.

So, obviously she is not exactly human, Hong Chen is a god. The God of death, but that is not her role. Her role is to make sure her records of those who has died are dead and they have not been resurrected without paying a price.

Essentially, if a person wants to resurrect another, they need to either offer another person’s life or something of equal value. But if a person does not do that than their soul will be punished.

Now let me introduce you to her family, now all of her family member do not have names, my brain is not big enough to give them names so we will be calling them as, mother, brother etc.

Okie.

So, there is her mother, who is currently in this coma state rest because her soul is shattered.

Her brother, who is cursed in this state of constant rebirth without memory, pian and only will regain his memory near his death.

Then her youngest brother, who in this scenario is the Eru Ilúvatar.

Another thing about Hong Chen, other then the fact that she is the oldest out of the three. Hong Chen is the only one born with only her mother, God logic, you can make a kid without the other parent. Hence why she is the heir to her mother’s position.

Another curse that is placed on Hong Chen and her mother is the curse of immortality, the immortality in this case is the inability to die not matter what. With Hong Chen’s mother in this case is in a coma like state so she is currently piecing together her shatter soul. If the body is disintegrated or destroyed, then a long time is spent building her body back. Normally a wax is premade and once the body is destroyed are anything else the soul will travel into the wax model as it builds the body inside out, until it is fully developed.

I am very fixated on Hong Chen, an obsession that I am not going to get out of anytime soon, but this is the basis of who Hong Chen is especially since I for the love of God cannot write reader inserts so for this and many fic to come I will be doing character inserts and the character I am inserting is Hong Chen.

If there is anything I’m missing on the character intro pls tell me.

Hong Chen’s backstory will be done in a different post because I will go deep into how things work and happen. After all, inspiration comes from real life.

This character intro will only focus on Hong Chen as a character insert in the Tolkien legendarium. Other fics that isn't in the legendarium will have a new intro of Hong Chen cause things need to be changed according to the story and the fic. Also, if not most (maybe all 👀) I write is somewhat related to the main story in one way or another.

(TBF rn I'm just focusing on what happens in The Silmarillion, I'll get the book and read it once I get the chance 🫠)

[whateverthedragonswant]

Hi! I was wondering if you saw Kit’s recent Q&A session about Jon Snow? He made some really interesting comments that I appreciate him finally starting to feel safe about coming out in support of Jon’s actions and mindset. One of things I found interesting, that I think you have touched on well, is Jon’s relationships with women. In a nut shell that he’s drawn to abusive relationship dynamics because of his childhood with Catlyn. Would love to hear your thoughts and analysis.

Hey, Anon! =) Actually, I had no idea until you just told me. I feel horrible that I had no idea a convention was happening. That is definitely one I might try out in the future! So thank you for letting me know about it.

The questions were great and Kit's answers were very well thought out, and really gave us a glimpse into how he works as an actor and how he approaches his career and life as well. So I completely agree with you! It was nice to see him starting to finally feel comfortable enough to be honest with his answers about the show, no matter what people might say. As soon as he said he felt it was right when he saw that Jon was going to kill Dany, I literally clapped and went "Say it a little louder for the Dany/Jonerys stans in the back! Someone was paying attention in class!" And it gave me even more respect for him, not only for being able to say that in that room (and the ensuing boos in the mix of reactions was ridiculous but predictable) but also because he gets it. Like he said, Dany gave Jon no other choice realistically; he had to do it. I also appreciated what he said about Jon, Arya, and the NK. I felt he was very respectful to the show but still shared his opinion, while making sure to state that this was his own personal feeling on it. A lot of good stuff.

Before I get to the Catelyn topic, I will mention that the one answer I sort of didn't agree with was his answer about Jon loving Dany. And that's not because it wasn't what I wanted to hear but because that's not the story the show is telling up until Dany's death in 8x06. That wasn't in the final product that made it to air. Tbf to Kit, perhaps he knows something we don't whether that be through conversations with D&D, GRRM, or what the scripts originally stated in a certain draft. Jon fiercely loving Dany or however he phrased it does not match up to what we were shown on screen. But I do believe when the final season aired, Kit hadn't seen it yet. So it's possible, in post production, several changes happened (like certain scenes getting cut, certain takes used instead, etc.) that neither he, Emilia, nor any of the cast members had seen. But I'm pretty sure he implied he has seen it by now so I'm not quite sure, based on his own reasoning, how he still feels Jon loved Dany. But then again, and also tbf to him again, he did not say how Jon loved Dany and he did not directly answer the relation/incest portion of the question. It's obvious in the show that Jon cared for Dany as family and he may have had some feelings for Dany herself, but the show purposely makes sure to focus on the physical with them, never the emotional. So for me, when he talks about how Jon never got time to focus on finding out who he is, this again lines up better to the show/story we got than the one D&D/the cast/HBO/promo was trying to sell us at the time.

Now this leads into the Catelyn comment he made. I found that particular viewpoint interesting but I didn't lend it a lot of weight if that makes sense? Because he kind of mentions it off the cuff in relation to him thinking about it the night prior which makes complete sense that he would be thinking "what if I get asked about Dany? What do I say?" and that leading to that whole thought track. But while I found this amusing as a mention, I not only didn't take it seriously but I also tend to disagree with that take. Yes, Catelyn's treatment of Jon as a child was horrible, and like with any type of trauma, this can be impactful on a person in ways that they don't always know. But for him to seek it out subconsciously or even purposefully? No, I disagree.

Speaking purely from the show perspective, Ygritte challenges him and she can be dominating like Kit says, but she doesn't mistreat him the way Catelyn does. Even when she gets angry at his betrayal and shoots him full of arrows, she doesn't mistreat him. If anything, she proves to be his ally in many ways and even accepts him for who he is (not only as a crow but also knowing that he's not really a turncoat). She wants him for him because she loves him, and every one of her actions speaks to that fact. So that blows the Catelyn thing out of the water for Ygritte.

As for Dany, no matter what Kit's personal opinion might be on the Jon's love for her aspect, she was no good for Jon. And the show made sure to tell that to the viewers in each episode and even Kit himself said "She turns a corner and doesn't really leave any room for him to continue being with her". We all knew that had Dany survived, Jon was going to become her latest barbecue grill project. Dany was abusive to him, she abused the authority she had over him, and she definitely abused the power dynamics between them. And on top of that, she didn't want Jon to be who he was, not just his Targaryen heritage but also being King in the North, a Stark but not in name, all of it. She wouldn't accept him for who he was and wanted him to stay a bastard, same as Catelyn when he was a boy, and stay subservient to her. So for Jon to go from Point A (Catelyn) to Point B (Ygritte) back to Point A again (Dany), speaking strictly from character development's sake, this doesn't jive. Why would Jon go back to that and want to be subject to that type of cruelty (and this time way worse imho) after he broke away from it and not only did he start to get to know himself as a person and what he stood for, but also after he had a different type of relationship altogether? Story wise this doesn't make sense, and that's even before we look at the story the show actually ended up telling. (and this is why Sansa as a potential romantic interest for Jon would have made so much sense imho, she's set up as Catelyn 2.0 in framing but she's not actually Catelyn and she echoes more closely to Ygritte than Dany ever did like some Jonerys stans try to claim; she accepted Jon for who he was & wanted him for him - she should have been Point C imho)

I'm not saying Jon wasn't traumatized by Catelyn's treatment; I believe he was. But in telling this linear narrative that the show did, and comparing it to other characters and how they were developed, it wouldn't make sense for Jon to go back to this type of woman/treatment as Kit's comment infers. So that's why I don't give any weight to it: it doesn't make sense speaking from character development, it doesn't jive with the story we saw, and the way Kit said it was more conversational than it was a full-on answer.

I hope I was able to answer your question thoroughly, Anon! Again, thank you for telling me about the con. =) I still have to check out Kit's general panel. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your evening!!! <3