#and struggles to focus on things she's not interested in or isnt immediately good at

[happyk44]

So this post I tagged w/ npd!Annabeth just popped out of the queue and as I'm rereading it, I'm laughing to myself because wasn't there some official post from Annabeth's POV being shocked and annoyed that Percy has better grades than her. Even though Percy has gone to school every year consistently (save for that gap year he was in a coma) and also has a teacher for a step-father, while she was presumably being "homeschooled" at camp where she would be able to prioritize her interests (architecture and mythology) over stuff she could care less about, like biology.

[mqnasluvr]

skinship headcanons | genshin impact

pairings; jean x gn!reader, amber x gn!reader, albedo x gn!reader

mentioned; kaeya, lisa, huffman, sucrose

warnings; suggestive themes ( jean ), all lowercase, not proofread

word count; 1.7k but half of it is albedo

jean

jean is not the touchiest person out there, but she does enjoy holding you. not too big on pda either; the most you’ll get out of her in public is maybe a quick smooch on the cheek and hand holding🛐 other than that, shes quite reserved.

her hugs are very comforting, but the first couple of times it was awkward on her part. she was used to giving barbara and klee hugs, but this was different. she wasn’t sure where to put her arms, and if anything she got more frustrated the more she hesitated.

once she grows accustomed to it, she’ll be fine. she enjoys the warmth and innocence of hugs, especially if you’re taller than her.

like i said, in public she isnt very touchy. while running errands she does keep you close though, and enjoys holding your hand more and anything.

behind closed doors shes a little bit bolder, but still shy overall. she’s not sure if she’s moving too fast for you so she waits until you initiate any type of physical contact, then takes it from there herself. it took her a long time before she managed to get the courage to kiss you tbh

one time when you two were in her office, amber walked in on you “distracting” jean from her work.

“y/n, i have to get back to work, please,” jean adverted her eyes from your gaze, embarrassed. she kept looking at the door, mentally asking herself if the door was locked or not and getting more nervous as the seconds passed.

you sat straddled on the young womans lap, her hands loosely placed on your hips. holding her face in your hands, you guided her face back to yours. “you work for way too long,” you frowned. “and i’m bored. there’s nothing to do in here.”

“the library is just across the hall—“

“if i read another book my brain will implode.” jean sighed and shook her head.

“please indulge in me just this once? please jean?” she stared at you blankly, her resolve quickly deteriorating. a couple of kisses couldn’t hurt, could it? she looked up at the clock in the corner of the room, then back at you.

sighing for the umpteenth time that day, she nodded. “just for a little while-“

before she could finish speaking, you pressed your lips to hers hurriedly, not wanting to waste any time. jean barely ever separated herself from her work, and refused to accept help from anyone else. you almost never had time alone with the acting grand master— you weren’t going to miss your chance now.

the kiss was not heated whatsoever, just very.. clumsy. and needy. on your part, at least. jean tried her best to slow you down, gripping your hips as her face heated up.

“jean, lisa needs you for somethi- oh,” amber nearly dropped the papers in her hands, immediately covering her eyes with it instead. you whipped your head around and stared at the girl wide-eyed before she spoke up again. “d-did i come at a bad time? i am so sorry, i’ll um. i’ll go now.”

jean couldnt look her in the eyes for WEEKS

it was painful

but overall, she likes physical affection, shes just nervous :,)

amber

amber LOVES touching you!! she’s 100% okay with pda. she isnt as forward as maybe kaeya or lisa, but she’s still rather bold. sometimes she forgets youre in public too, which ends up drawing a lot of attention to the both of you.

when you two go out on dates she is always touching you. hand in hand, arm around waist, whatever. theres always some type of physical contact, no matter what.

it’s so PAINFULLY obvious that you two are dating but for some reason she didn’t think that anyone knew ?? one time huffman saw yall kissing in an alleyway u really aren’t slick🤨

she loves cheek and forehead kisses, but likes receiving them more than giving really. shes a hyper one, and these kisses fluster her enough to make her quiet down. ( it’s so cute )

she often picks you up to hug you, spinning you both around in circles in an almost bone crushing hug. other than those times her hugs are really soft, but the energy is still there. ^^

have i mentioned that she is affectionate?? because she really is. she does respect your boundaries though, but if you feel uncomfortable you’re going to have to speak up on it because she won’t notice.

in private her clinginess is amplified by 10.

“i’m trying to cook, amber,” you mumbled, struggling to stir the paste sauce in the pot. all you were trying to do was make dinner for the two of you, but around 5 minutes ago she came up behind you and wrapped her arms around your arms and torso. you could feel her bury her face further into your back.

“mhm, and it smells really good too,” she hummed. you groaned, and she just giggled.

“i’ll be done in like, 20 minutes, amber. you can hug barron bunny in the meantime,” you tried to pry her arms off of you but she started whining.

“that’s too long.”

“no, it isnt,” you turned around with a spoonful of pasta sauce, motioning for her to open her mouth. she slurped the sauce and gave you a thumbs up.

“see? its good, right? well it wont get much better if you keep clinging to me so much,” she stayed quiet, but at least loosened her arms around you so that it was easier to move. you lightly patted her hand. “thank you.”

“whateverrr,” she drawled, and you couldnt help but laugh.

the pasta was in fact very good

in the end, shes the exact opposite of jean, and youll need to slow her down a lot :,)

albedo

as far as physical contact goes, it’s literally the last thing you will ever find on his mind. he’s too caught up with other things to think about physical affection

he does love you yes, but he doesnt show it through physical means. he does more gift giving, like when he sees a pretty flower that reminds him of you while going out to find starsilver shards.

if you want a hug or anything out of him you’re going to have to initiate it first— it’s foreign territory, and it’s not something he’s particularly interested in, so he doesnt feel the need to indulge in it

however the first time you two cuddle you can tell that he’s hooked. and he does a terrible job at hiding it.

now, he insists that you sit in his lap while he is taking notes because it “helps him focus better” and because “he’s so lonely”

we all know that aint true lmfao

he also really likes it when you play with his hair. please play with his hair, especially when you want him to get away from his studies. physical contact is completely foreign to him so something as simple as a scalp massage will make him melt 🛐

whenever he refuses to get away from his work, sucrose always asks you to step in because he wont listen to her

“y/n,” sucrose quietly approached you as you conversed with kaeya. you turned to her and nodded, albiet a bit concerned. sucrose never really needed you for anything, what did she need now that she couldn’t do herself?

kaeya took this as his sign to leave, but not before giving you a quick pat on the head. “yes, sucrose?” you said. “did something happen?”

she nodded meekly, watching kaeya walk off. a little bubble of guilt formed in her stomach from interrupting. “ah, i need your help with something. you see, mr albedo has been doing research non-stop on a new thing that has caught his eye since yesterday afternoon. i’ve tried to get him to put his research on pause, but,” she adjusted her glasses. “he doesn’t listen to me. i was hoping if you could maybe convince him to take care of himself?”

you pinched the bridge of your nose and sighed. he was doing it again. but you couldnt really blame him, he was terrible at keeping his hyperfixations under control. “i’ll take care of him, sucrose. don’t worry.”

she visibly relaxed at your words. sucrose flashed you a smile of gratitude, then waved and walked off to finish her errands in mondstadt.

—

it didn’t take him very long to notice your presence behind him. you were practically glaring at him, but there was no true anger behind it. wordlessly, albedo turned around in his chair and looked up at you.

you crossed your arms. “albedo,” you started, and it took everything in him not to sigh at the inevitable lecture.

“sucrose sent you, did she not?” he propped his arm up on the armrest of his chair, leaning his face into his hand as he gazed at you nonchalantly.

“of course she did. why aren’t you taking breaks?” he turned his chair back around, but you sat on the desk he was working at. you placed your hand on top of his papers and he shot a glare at you. it didnt phase you in the slightest.

“i have work to do. it’s much easier to do it all at once than stop inbetween.”

“have you at least been taking care of your basic needs? when was the last time you ate, or drank water?”

your eyes softened when he looked away.

hopping off of the desk, you grabbed his hand and pulled him away from his work ( gently, of course ). he barely protested.

you started muttering about how he needs to take better care of himself while pouring him a cup of water and making him a simple sandwich. he was a bit disappointed in himself for making you worry, and ate the food you gave him guiltily.

you pinched his cheek as he ate, giving it a light tug. he slapped your hand away playfully and a bit of the guilt he felt lifted when he heard your laugh. “i’m sorry you have to go through this for me.”

you shook your head. “you just need to learn how to stop yourself. you’re smart albedo, i’m sure you’ll figure it out in no time.”

he finished eating his food and, uncharacteristically, pulled you in for a hug. albedo rested his forehead against your shoulder, relaxing even further when you weaved your fingers through his hair.

“...i’m sorry, y/n.”

“stop apologizing.”

“okay. sorry. oh-”

you laughed.

[elleonmybeloved]

They started this game in a moment of tension Tartaglia should not have indulged. But well, when could he ever resist a direct challenge of his power? Like how he challenged himself to defeat an enemy with a bow instead of the other weapons he was more skilled at, he wouldn’t stand to let this go unmet.

Even if the one challenging him was the traveler. In his own bank, no less. As usual, Childe had to admire her guts.

“You’re not using me.” She’d said, getting all up in his face with that golden stare. “I’m using you.”

“Uh huh. You really don’t need to take this so personally. The Qixing sent the Millelith after you, and I was the one who helped you clear your name. We are still friends, aren’t we?”

“Friends? Do you have any idea how important this was to me, ‘Tartaglia?’”

“What’s it to you? The geo archon you sought to find was dead anyways, so how would seeing the Exuvia help you?” He’s genuinely curious.

There’s a sputter of grief in the fire of her glare. “It doesn’t matter now, since my chance is gone regardless.”

Her jaw works to hold back a perceptible damn of emotion, and Childe feels a pang of regret. She was just a tool, but he handn’t intended to actually hurt her. Morality was a loose tenet among the Fatui, but he liked to think he was the better of the other harbringers when it came to needless cruelty.

“Hey now, don’t blame yourself. This was above you the whole time, there was nothing you could’ve done.”

The grief in her eyes is gone, but it was the wrong thing to say. It’s immediately apparent in the open rage of her expression.

“How dare you look down on me as if I’m powerless. Like you’re some god and I’m just a pitiful worm!” Lumine yells, jabbing a finger into his chest with each word. She’s making less and less sense and Childe is running out of patience.

“Uh woah. Maybe you should sit down and try to relax, girlie.”

“You’re just another part of this pathetic, chaos ridden world that we never should have stopped for.” She goes to jab him again, but he snatches her by the wrist and holds it in a vice grip, slowly prying it away from his chest.

“Fine then.” He says unkindly. “Have it your way. I’ve honestly got no interest in being friends with someone stupid enough to get tailed by the simplest of my operatives and not even notice it anyway.”

“Excuse me? You are such a- a jerk! I can’t believe I thought I had finally found a friend in this god-forsaken irrrgh! -should never have given you those starco- ... As -as if I’m not more competent than any of those overgrown thugs with fake visions you Fatui employ, and you know it.”

Childe laughs, drily amused at this. “Please. You couldn’t take orders to save your life, which in Snezhnaya couldn’t make you more useless as an operative.”

Lumine’s anger has her flushing to her chest, a bloom of pink spreading from her shoulders to her cleavage. She has worked so hard to learn the foreign languages of this world, and he actually thinks she would struggle with something so simple?

“I can take orders.”

Childe just shrugs. “Sure.”

“I can take orders.”

“Okay then. Prove it.” He says, and the hand that was not restraining her arm moves to grip her around the throat.

Lumine freezes, and Childe watches as her expression shifts from anger, to shock, to... something else. Forced to breathe more shallowly, she calms down from her tirade. Behind the anger, he still sees trust there in her eyes, and something more. It quells the irritation inside of him too, deeply satisfying a craving he didn’t know he had. He releases his grip on her.

“Kneel for me.” He says airily, and his tone isnt harsh at all despite the command, more like a suggestion. He doesn’t really expect her to do it.

Lumine sinks to her knees and gazes up at him expectantly.

He raises an eyebrow. A hand brushes against the smooth pale skin of her cheek before clutching her by the jaw and chin. She doesn’t flinch. Childe tilts her face left and right and she still doesn’t give an ounce of resistance.

Childe thumbs at the swell of her pink lips, rubbing back and forth slowly. Something ignites in the meet of their gaze and he cannot deny that he is a liar, including the biting words of the past few minutes. She is a capable warrior, a force to be reckoned with, and one of the first people to show him genuine kindness and interest.

“Open.”

This time he doesn’t wait for her to comply, parting her lips to push into her mouth and rub his fingers against her tongue. He can feel the warmth of her through his glove.

Lumine makes a little sound, unmistakably of arousal, and it sends a electric jolt to his stomach.

“Good job.” He says, trying to hide his exhilaration. “Looks like you can follow orders after all. I could see you being mine. So, I’m going to revise my earlier statement. I’d really like for us to continue being friends.”

It’s with reluctance that he withdraws his hand from her mouth, but it’s more important to him to hear her response. A hand beneath her elbow prompts her to stand back up.

“Me too.” She says, expression hopeful with a smidgen of sheepishness. “Sorry, Childe, I shouldn’t have said... well, I shouldn’t have blamed you.”

There’s obviously something in between the lines there she’s not telling him, but as much as he’d like to know, she’s clearly keeping it to herself for a reason. And right now, he’s thinking more about that addicting expression she’d made at him, and that sound...

“Don’t worry about it traveler, we all lose our cool sometimes.” He takes a seat on the sofa. “Besides, you’re way too cute to stay angry at.”

Ahh, she flushes the most satisfying pink and he knows, has seen her turn down others who have approached her with much more flattering lines, so with that kindling to stroke his ego, he decideds to press his odds. Childe pats the spot beside him invitingly. “Come sit?”

“Don’t you have other matters to attend to?” She asks, but moves to sit next to him anyways. Her silver white skirt brushes against his leg.

Childe laughs. “Things’ll keep without me for an hour or two, or I’m terrible at my job.”

“Oh, okay.”

They gaze at each other for a moment in silence. Lumine gives him a hesitant look, and he decides to take the plunge.

Childe slips a hand over the bare skin of her shoulder to stroke at the back of her neck. The skin there is hot to the touch.

“You were so cute looking up at me like that.” He murmurs, voice just loud enough for her to hear. “You wanna go get some dinner after this, just the two of us? I know it’s late.”

“Yeah.” She whispers back just as quietly. Lumine didn’t miss the implications of after this. The anticipation in the air is tense.

“C’mere.” Childe nudges her towards him with gentle but insistent pressure on the back of her neck. He closes the distance with just a few moments pause to admire the look on her pretty face before leaning in and kissing her.

They both take a sharp inhale at the contact, and Childe surges onward with reckless abandon. She smells good, like she’s already discovered Ying’er’s shop. She lets him kiss her for a while before seemingly realizing she can do it back, and the pressure of her lips back against his has his stomach flipping. It’s straight up romantic, and he doesn’t remember when he got to rubbing her arm, or when she placed her hands on his chest.

Then she makes this breathy, overwhelmed noise in the back of her throat and the kiss ignites like a match on grease fire.

Before he can think about it he is lifting her by the waist and pressing her down on her back against the sofa, shifting himself on his hands and knees above her before pressing her down and crowding into her space. Kissing open her lips, he invades her mouth to lick and suck on her tongue with his.

Her eyes are hazy and glazed thoughtless, but throughout the kissing she mostly keeps them adorably closed. His are open, half lidded, and his hand finds her neck again and squeezes.

This time, she squirms her legs together and makes a low, very enticing moan.

“You like this?” He doesn’t mean it to sound deprecating but there’s a tinge of mockery in his sweet tone that Childe can’t help. “Tough little thing, I bet your throat can take a beating and you’ll still get off on it, huh.”

She gives him a look and he laughs, before leaning in to kiss her senseless again. Her skirt is rucked up around her waist and he takes his glove off before sliding a hand up her thigh and over her stomach.

Lumine trembles at the touch. He gives her a little smile, and moves his tongue lewdly against hers to distract her while he eases a hand into her panties.

Things escalate. When he starts stroking at the top of her sex, making firm little circles around her clit, she straight up whines into his mouth, and well. He’s never gonna forget the pleased, openly greedy look in her eyes as he swirled and rubbed around and over her sensitive nub with his bare fingers.

“So good-“ She pants out after several minutes of dizzying stimulation, “So good, don’t stop.”

“Don’t worry, Lumie. I don’t intend to.” He can tell she’s close, and Childe’s heart is pounding like he’s the one being fingered to completion on an office couch. Something evil tempts him to edge her for the fun of the denial, but not this time, he decides. Right now, he cannot wait to witness what her orgasm looks and sounds like, so that he can commit it to permanent memory. “God, you’re so freaking adorable... I’m gonna go faster, okay?”

“Mh- okay, o-okay-“

Her panties are really wet now, and he’s willing to bet that there’s an answering spot of pre forming in his own pants. The quick jerk of his fingers against her spot is making lewd little wet sounds.

“C’mon,” He urges, wanting to see it, fingers pressing in fast and hard. He’s painfully erect now, and doesn’t want to lose focus. “Don’t you wanna cum?”

“Yeah, &&3/@- I’m so...-!” She curses in a foreign language and squeezes her eyes shut. He grips her throat tighter now, cutting off most of her airflow. Helpfully.

When she comes, her whole face flushes and her mouth opens in the most delectable, overwhelmed with pleasure way. And her eyes glow. Literally, like a dim house lamp, and only for a second, but he saw it. Interesting.

Lumine shudders and goes limp. Childe gently releases her throat and withdraws his hand from her panties to admire the hazy, fucked out look on her face.

“Either you’re really into being choked and stroked, or it was me you were getting off to. Either way, I’m gonna take this as a compliment.”

Lumine shoves at him with an indignant “hey!”, but he can tell her heart isn’t in it from the shy smile tugging at her usually stoic lips.

“... And on that note, as much as I’d love to continue, things are gonna be closing up soon and I promised you dinner.”

Lumine eyes his boner, obvious even through the thick gray material of his pants. “I remember Ekaterina telling me of how you always keep your promises but... are you sure?”

“Yeah.” He says while sitting up, and she does so as well. “I can handle it. Plenty of time for that later, anyway.”

“Great. I’m actually so hungry.” She admits.

“Ahahaha! Alright girlie, let’s go.”

[teetlesandnimjas]

What if in the explosion the brothers got separated?

This is a villain turtle au- if you don’t want to read it you can scroll past! I know it’s a cliche concept but it was fun! And I like doing my own spin on things.

(Note in this au when they’re mutated they are a little older, young kids, as this idea wouldn’t work if they weren’t SEMI competent. They’re still 13, 14, and 15 in modern times, but when they’re first mutated Mikey is 3, Leo and Donnie are 4, and Raph is 5)

Donnie: got scooped up by Draxum in the end, and works as his assistant first, son second. He has a similar position to Foot Recruit; despite being fully capable of actually being useful, he is treated with little respect and does mundane tasks like running errands and fixing random, broken objects. He is trained constantly but is told over and over again that he is “not good enough” yet. Despite this he puts his heart into everything he does. Broken clock? Sure he’ll fix it and it’s got LAZERS now! This causes him to accidentally make problems, and Draxum thinks that Donnie is “a complete and udder fool” which is further from the truth. Villain Donnie is a lot like canon Donnie personality wise but a bit more serious. He does not approve of Draxum’s use of mystic powers, and resents using them himself. He refuses the axe Draxum tries to give him. Draxum has little regard for what Donnie thinks and does, and therefore has an awful relationship with him. And yknow Donnie’s abandonment and self-worth issues? Yeah crank that up to 11. Basically Donnie hates Draxum and the Mystic City, and the Shredder going rouge is the last straw. “WATCH ME! ILL WIPE OUT THE HUMAN THREAT WITHOUT YOUR STUPID MAGIC! YOU HEAR ME BARON DRAXUM- I DEFY YOU!”

Leo: made his way to New York via Senior Hueso. Originally I was going to have him raised by Hueso but then realized it wouldn’t make a lot of sense- so Senior Hueso picks baby Leo up off the streets but ever the wanderer Leo walks right through the GIANT PORTAL IN THE WALL. From there Foot Brute, attempting and failing to find members for the clan, picks up this tiny, promising turtle off the street. “What is that thing?” “I dunno but he’s cute- and we’re in need of members” “That is an actual child” “so?” And then Leo is raised by his two dad- I mean sensei. I put raised lightly. He was treated better than Donnie but he was never given a lot of attention, and therefore turned to causing trouble to get attention. And not just from his dads, from anyone he can. Causing mischief in the city actually helped him in his training, as he became very skilled at sneaking, fighting, and stealing. He butts heads with Foot Recruit a lot because of his constant need for approval and attention. She finds him genuinely annoying while he just views it as “playful teasing.” That comes back to bite him the butt upon meeting Donnie, who comes along to help make form the Shredder armor, but he does not want to be there. Forced to work together, Donnie gets sick of Leo’s crap real fast but they don’t really hate each other, but in the moment they needed to play it off like they did and therefore gave the impression to the other that they DID hate them. Confusing, I know. Draxum tries and fails on multiple occasions to nab Leo but if he does he realizes it’ll put a major dent in his plans. So he forbids Donnie to speak to Leo. But no one stops Leo from talking to him. But Donnie’s coldness and Leo’s cruel banter really doesn’t help them get along. The moment Shredder goes rogue and the Foot Clan collapses, Leo flees in fear. “What if” this and “what if” that but mostly because he tried to take out Shredder and ruined his clan name. But even on the street, Leo remains the same annoying, much more cruel and dark humored mutant.

Mikey: Got scooped up by the Mud Dogs and taken to Big Mama, dragging only Lou’s glasses with him since even as a toddler he picked up anything shiny he saw. I plan to draw the interaction between tiny Mikey and the Dogs (and how Mikey got his name in this au) but that’s a surprise. Anyways pretty quickly he got entered in the Battle Nexus. Think about the appeal that fight would have! Just a couple years of training and then bam! “Introducing Hakka-gu! Our youngest fighter ever- only 8 years old!” And having natural talent and capabilities he was an instant hit. And he wasn’t treated horribly, after all Big Mama couldn’t risk one of her most profitable champions running away. But he is still treated as nothing but that- a profit, a marketable product. No one calls him his real name anymore, no one cares about him, just his capabilities. When he gets injured it isnt “are you okay?” It’s “is your body okay?” And sometimes he’s treated like an idiot- especially by Big Mama. He was never taught language and has very botched speaking patterns because “intelligence isnt important for a champion.” Well eventually he has enough of that, and through a bloodbath, he is able to escape to New York. Now he’ll get respect- he’ll make them respect him. But he gets quickly spotted by the Foot Clan and Draxum, as he’s in the way. Upon finding out about the plans to wipe out humans, he knows he has to stop them. Who can respect him if THESE GUYS wanna take over the world? He’s not getting mistreated again. But when the Shredder goes rogue he panics- he cant stop it but... he knows who can. He goes crawling back to Big Mama and strikes a deal. A better champion. Better than him. And she takes it, although in the end she makes some... alterations to the deal. But this doesn’t stop his quest for respect, and he ultimately heads back to New York.

Raph: Savage! He’s alone, a young child who doesn’t know where to go. He panics, and rampages all the way to New York. After a good, long, temper-tantrum, he finds himself in an alleyway, climbing into a sewer. And there he eats rats, he sets up a not-so-homely-home for himself. He flashes in and out of his anger, but he is almost always emotional and looking for some sort of control in his life. He gets that through rampages, causing destruction in any way he can. Usually he doesn’t make TOO much of a mess but he’s brought down a few buildings in his time. Eventually, upon seeing a rampaging demon-armor in the streets and seeing 2 figures trying to stop it (at this point Mikey is getting Big Mama) he realizes there are others out there like him. And then begins a struggle for control not over the world, but over himself too. There are times he gains control and although lonely, he knows he must learn. He learns English in flickers, and it isn’t perfect, but he can communicate. He can talk to them. Now he just needs to stop hurting them.

Extra notes:

In this au the only one with their weapon is Donnie. Mikey and Leo are skilled with the weapons they have in canon (the Ōdachi and Kusari-fundo) but they do not have mystic powers. Raph is... well... Raph. He can’t fight with weapons well but he can pack a punch.

Mikey is still a chef and artist, taking a liking to the ability to create, but just like with everything else he “needs to focus on his fights” so he can’t have interests. A kid like Mikey HATES this and any time he can he sneaks away to bake and draw. Usually this is at 2 am.

Leo has anxiety. The minute something not in the plan happens, or a loud noise, or having to talk to someone without a script, he goes into fight-or-flight mode. He often finds that the answer is to fight.

Raph is not necessarily evil- he is an antagonist but he is not evil. He simply has no control and lashes out at everything. That’s why he stays in the sewers. Nothing down there’s moves other than rats, bugs, and the water. But he has to get violent urges out some how.

April is a reporter-in-training in the au, as she never met the turtles until after the Shredder incident. She’s immediately interested in it, as she is everything “supernatural” and she gets dangerously close to some of their fights. I don’t know how they meet yet or if she becomes friends with any of them.

After the Shredder incident, the only thing stopping each turtle from destroying New York is each other. Seriously. They keep getting in each other’s ways because “I want to take over the world, not THEM!”

They all have certain villain stereotypes. Donnie is sort of a mad scientist, Leo is a teasing, monologging villain, Mikey acts like a nut case but has a certain intelligence to him, and Raph appears as a total destroyer.

In the end they get redeemed and find out they’re family, but it takes a while. Mikey is the one to hunt down Draxum, while Leo stalks him. Upon finding this out, having 3 out of 4 looking for each other, they find each other pretty fast. And there’s a big dramatic apology scene with all 3 of them, and at first Donnie thinks they’re conspiring against him and ambushes them but is only met with three harmless turtles who refuse to fight him. They tell him what the deal is and Donnie is shocked. And then he’s pissed. “WHY DIDNT DRAXUM TELL ME!? YOURE LYING! LIARS! NO!” In the end he realizes the truth, but it takes a little “talk” with Draxum. And then Donnie nearly commits murder. Don’t worry they stop him. But there’s no Draxum redemption arc because Donnie would continuously try to commit a felony. April is also somewhere in there and like gives the brothers goodness lessons but idk where that fits in I’m still working this out shajajajajaj

[startwithbrooklyn]

THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / SEPTEMBER 30, 2019 // larkspur lane/the whisper box

this post is a double whammy cause they have 2 eps happen in the same day if u can believe it (thats how awful judging timelines in this show is!!)

-"hi josh..." LMAOOOOOOO

-BESS just breaking in lmaooo how many god damn times does bess just shit the bed in this show

-LOVE her frowny face at nancys closet ("my expectations are low" lmfaoooo but this would totally be me)

-"bet she meant it metaphorically" okayyy but then why did lucy say that at all? i feel like theres defo more to this story, combined with josh's cagey behavior (part of which is to get nancy to stop looking into shit d/t him and karen but still)

-"they dont accept visitors unless they're family" .....🙂

-ace "youre really good at that" to bess i fuckin love this friendship with all my heart (also love their talk at the claw mirroring nick & nancys talk in the last ep)

-also PINK AND ORANGE BESS ARE U BLIND (also 1) why tf would nancy own this and 2) where would she wear it??)

-okay wtf is vampire dip

-"boss??" see this is what i meant yesterday about nancy ruining everything for nick/george

-god DAMN she sucks at dealing with this news lmaooo that emotional competency babey + love george literally agrees to help bc she feels bad (AND nicks immediate look of "you just reprimanded me for helping her last ep and i know why youre doing this rn" lmaoooo)

-LOVE george noticing nick "shout out to jean valjean" lmaooo once again nancy would never have noticed/commented on something like that

-"get the hell out of here" was this foreshadowing for an epic dad joke for these two eps? "how do you make holy water? you boil the hell out of it" 😂😂😂😂

-so what i dont get about the whole haunting is the ball + kids' laughter but its all the emphasis on "mr roper" the adult? wtf like what kind of entity is this

-"how did you ever have a solo career??" 😂

-okay amaya's hair is gorgeous here (also "you feel like a snack" ....👀) *ahhh so the reason bess feels so off balance is bc its like a top vs a top scenario

-has anyone who's ever been to prison confirmed this is what it looks like?

-love how ace is the only employee there when they all leave so he had to fucking close the place when he goes

-why does she take the whole file? time constraints? it'd be smarter to take pics + replace it (better sleuthing) but this place is clearly not well run anyway 😂

-so this is a pretty decent cover she invents but theres no way she would get away with it so easily for a real guard

-love how ace recognizes ryan's car (+ is able to find it by driving around)

-"my father wouldnt do anything like that" LMFAOOOOOO SIS WHY ARE U DEFENDING HIM ironically, ace is actually the best person suited to engage w ryan here d/t the car accident + connection with laura being ryans SIL. its a unique set up

-i am fascinated by the concept of priests + holy water being so effective here combined with mcginnis' beliefs and basically nondenominational ghosts/seances etc after that. the show is very clearly big on diversity but definitely steers clear from too much WASP stuff yk? wonder if other stuff from christianity works against the ghosts/demons like taking refuge in a church "holy ground" or using silver etc

-"did this start after the night of sept 10?" *this is where you get the time line for the seance if you didnt know

-this is so fucking funny when u realize that patient sal talks to is actually a ghost so sal really is psycho i guess 😂

-bitchsplain/tall jar of mayonnaise 🙏🏻😌 2gether 4ever

-how did ace get this van? also heart attack when he yells at carson (but then grins at him like a goofball lmaooo)

-"for nancys sake and yours" damn she owes ace big time for all this shit

-"what do we do for 7 minutes?" ...ummm play 7 minutes in heaven lmaooo 👀🥵

-was not expecting ace to look this sexy holding an axe but okay (*ah, its his short sleeve shirt showing his arms. usually hes a sleeves guy)

-"desperate for attention" nancy (from gomber) vs "bc she's starved for attention" patrice --> lucy (and candace also...) we know nancys detective work makes her seem like an attention seeker, but what was lucy doing to make them all think that? she was trying to hide her relationship with ryan, not expose it. unless they just mean the rumors about her?

-so is patrice hiding lucy's "truth" talking about lucy being a whore or lucy being a ghost? what is lucy's secret? did patrice guess she was pregnant or did patrice's somehow garbled mind remember tiffany trying to show patrice the video with lucy on it?

-wonder what captain thom thinks of this stand off w ace lmaooo

-"like you do?" top v top shenanigans

-how awko for carson to talk to karen again like this

-"oh no" ACE 😂

-love how amaya says "be a human" like shes kind of admitting people in rich circles typically arent (^this is an interesting focus in s2 when bess's rich family rejects her, thus making her human again, but nancy embraces her rich fam and experiences subsequent moral struggle which is predicted with the wraith)

-wonder what ryan thinks he could get from the marvins (which he cant get now lmaooo)

-this damn whisper box. so many questions. who named it the whisper box? why are the ropers' old possessions still there? who decided to build a mental hospital on top of it? and patrice! she "hid lucy's secrets" hannah gruen thinks tiffany tried to show patrice video w lucy on it, which patrice then specifically says she hid in the thin mans book. so patrice knows of the thin man? can she see him? does she know he was a ghost/supernatural? she must have a supernatural sense to know about him (unless sal told or some shit) so then when tiffany shows up w/ lucy being supernatural in it patrice hides it to protect her? is this why she is "crazy" kinda like victoria? supernatural elements or ability to sense ghosts makes her unstable? this is why lucy being a ghost/nursery rhyme that she repeats makes patrice worse/"stroke"? how did patrice even get into the whisper box to put the key in the bible and get out without getting trapped? also, her dementia --> lucidity is really fucking off, some people mildly switch like that but usually with dementia they cant even register new shit anymore

-...so did bess take the ride? 👀

-interesting how celia says "your father will be disappointed" but nothing of her own opinion. wonder how much celia truly puts up with to keep everett calm and nonhomicidal

-like george asking nick follow up questions that nancy never really would have asked

🥞🥞🥞(ep13)🥞🥞🥞

-is this bitch just eating a plain pancake with her bare hand?

-"extra case load and excessive volunteering" ugh. nancy's family here are like, gross in how "good" of people they are // unrealistic, trying to paint carson in the best light/ no way ryan could ever compare (but the reality is theyre not that good of people for lying about nancy) **and shes arrogant to think shes better than everyone else ie the only one who truly lives virtuously, thinks she can do no wrong sometimes even tho using sex to cope, breaking and entering, etc is not morally "good" stuff she still thinks she is the only one who doesnt lie and plays fair (like in the pilot she lists everyone else as a suspect but herself- obviously we know she isnt guilty but no one else does. (i mean in theory we really dont, what if nancy was an unreliable narrator and was actually guilty, that would be a hella cool show)its reactions like that where she cant understand why others like the chief suspect her

-ooooh ironic that in the Good Place carson readily agrees to pay her for helping with cases as opposed to s2 in reality

-nick's house has "problems" so why does he need a lawyer? as opposed to an interior designer, plumber, or realtor?

-in the Good Place nick and george realize they are not going to work out after one date. does this failure in the Good Place predict failure in reality, or merely an easier way of figuring out the truth? does this mean that the "opposite" of the Good Place is reality, or only an opinion of what is better? (nancy says "you all like me" as her opinion of them liking her is skewed; does this then only reflect nancys version for what is the "perfect life"?)

-why is bess a hippie??? and love how george curls her hair and wears pink lipstick here

-if this dream is so realistic then why is the one thing it cant conjure smoke? like how random

-love the locket being a key realization bc with things like jewelry you dont notice the weight of them until theyre gone

-"you all like me" in her perfect life nancy means they "like" her objectively/regardless of circumstance even though liking her is still an objective choice (like they "like" her because of other reasons instead of her working at the claw? (like how you make friends with coworkers/people at school every day but after you leave the job/graduate you never speak to them again) and her "thanks for showing up!" as if theyre not doing exactly that in reality 😐like where is she getting this shit? she sort of acknowledges in earlier eps she is hard to like/that she puts mysteries before friends, but also pushing them away to avoid danger like the previous ep "why do u show up" etc

-is it just me or does the inside of nicks "house" look like the drews'?

-nick has a dick scar lmaooooo (or more likely was hit in the balls or smth)

-love how nick + george match their anger in confronting sal 100% on the same level

-so when did ace go back to work after having such a busy day earlier?? lmaooo

-damn father shane is a creep (casting defo hired him for his voice) and how tf did he just poof + escape? and what did he request???

-love bess's white hair bow here 😌+ her jacket, whole outfit on point as usual

-like how bess is right that nancy has to find her way out but thats kind of a nonstarter for a room full of panicked people wanting to help

-in the Good Place theres no bad blood between drews + hudsons bc nancy is really theirs

-"the only one who has the key is you" in the Good Place nancy has the key (smaller picture, to finding out what happened to lucy but bigger picture, post-reveal) but ryan has the clues nancy needs- following the Good Place's mirroring, this just means that in reality ryan will either be completely useless or an active hindrance (but you KNOW this is a dream bc in what universe would ryan remember clues like that ���)

-so in a perfect universe ryan acknowledges his family's "criminal empire" as opposed to reality where he only makes under cover jabs about disengaging with being an "entitled corrupt legacy criminal" ie finding the bonny scot relics but does nothing about them, etc

-"strippers" 😂

-okay what is nancys obsession w her beanie?? bc her mom made it? "wear beanies do crimes?" idk

-making the call: nancy -unable to make up for lost time/both her mothers had to find out/suffer alone / in the Good Place nancy was able to be with kate while she called, and in reality she had carson; somethig about seeing the mother looking to the daughter for strength in the Good Place instead of the reverse (which is what reality sounded like, kate being strong for nancy through the illness despite the struggle)

-concept: nancy & nick "let's wait out the storm"

-"i believe that you believe it" nick in the Good Place + owen in reality both trust nancy when she says she's seen things (owen's is the teeth) but nick in reality (and not really knowing details) doesnt think much of their "moment" bc it wasnt real (so she had to leave the Good Place to save carson- but if she had known then he wasnt her real dad, would she have stayed to be w nick?)

-stranger - suede james 💙👌🏻

-"really anxious as a kid" v telling bc of her desire to know everything to remain in control of situations like she always does now

-"the medicine or the metaphysics?"/"you cannot beat supernatural with science"

-i love nancy playing with her pinky while saying goodbye 🥺

-"always seek out the truth even if it hurts" this is straight irony bc kate never told nancy anything. like does that include the truth about nancys parentage? they taught her to seek out the truth, but who taught her that the truth is the only thing to live by? ie things dont count anymore like carson and kate straight up raising her is tossed out bc she finds out its not "the truth" like all that work/stress to protect carson + she just drops him? with kate maybe shes just upset thst she spent all that time mourning for someone who lied. and would she do the same to ryan if needed? probably

-bess and ace head tilt 💙

-like how for all the time she spent there nancy only has a subconscious memory of blue curtains

-YESSSSS i LOVEthese beautiful overhead shots of hannah's hands. so out of character for the show lmao but so gorgeous

-i feel like future eps/grand future will be nancy going through the lock boxes to help people who asked hannah for help

-the video is officially dated Aug 22, 2019

-soooooo in the first ep nancy breaks into the hudsons house and finds tiffanys secret drawer w the nail polish and finds the amulet with a note that says "for your protection HG" yet on this video tiffany says she talked to a medium who gave her the amulet sooooo am i just confused? HG is hannah gruen obvi so is the address for the medium what hannah gave her? or was the address on the amulet which nancy dissolved in salt water to see? so how would tiffany know where to go? its chicken and the egg which came first hannah or the medium?

and lastly:

i close these two eps with a thought that everything in this show is sealed in death. all the lies, the imagery, the fake constructs people put up to get by all crumple the second someone dies- all the secrets come clean just like these doors have been unsealed.

[normal-thoughts-official]

I'm ignoring my responsibilities in favor of watching the All Malec Moments video compilation so get ready for a livewatch no one asked for

Hodge is so incredibly wrong about everything he says about Magnus and it's kind of impressive because all he says is heavily supported by the Clave's files, which. Is proof of how great Magnus is at manipulating them and having them think exactly what he wants them to, tbh. Especially considering that as much as Magnus closes off emotionally, he was always very caring and kind to all other downworlders and warlocks, like, they all know they can trust him, he was named HWoB, he has a thousand kids, he took them all into hiding, etc. But the Clave and circle members are still 100% sure he's a super greedy lothario who's good for nothing but partying, and like. Obviously it's because they racist but they have an intelligence system and a file full of pictures and information and it all seems to support what Hodge is saying about him. So like Magnus was quite literally living a double life, with a whole personality he put up for shadowhunters and enemies, and another for his allies and friends, and even that one isnt 100% him because he was still trying to protect himself by closing himself off from relationships. and thats fucking impressive like my man is so smart i love him

Their first official talk is so funny magnus literally goes "I'm magnus" and Alec goes "Alec" and then he smiles and then he just goes. "Oh yeah right we should uh we should go to the hmm youhavebeautifuleyes what's it called hm" and its hilarious because they exchanged three (3) words and Alec is already all lost because Magnus is just That Beautiful. also all Magnus has to do is introduce himself and Alec smiles for the first time in 4 episodes like bro. bro. seriously. help him

he's SO frustrated when Alec doesn't get the "i love a dirty lair" flirt like he does that little eyebrow raise and hes just like "what the hell i thought that was GOOD" but Alec's head is legit playing wii music

Magnus pays izzy for "defending the warlocks" i had forgotten about that and it makes me so soft ;-;

Magnus and Izzy were just vibing with magnus asking her what presents Alec likes and clary immediately interrupts to ask about the memory demon like homophobic from day one i guess

Magnus is positively impressed by the way Clary goes "I'll do anything to save my mother" you can see how much he values loyalty right then have i mentioned that i love him

we talk about the "I'm talking to you" part a lot but we never mention how Magnus just throws that one and yeets off with clary not even waiting for a reaction he's just like that's RIGHT bitch you have beautiful hazel eyes too! do with that what you will i am now summoning a demon goodbye forever

the second him and Clary are away from the rest he tells her not to trust anyone and to be careful, like... ugh he cares so much it's unreal and again very deliberate, flirt a little, give izzy a necklace, throw in some innuendos, make it seem like it's all very innocuous so no one bothers to follow them or listen in when he goes away with Clary alone, and then immediately warn her about the clave when he gets away from the others. like he cares so much and he's so good at keeping that visible only for those he wants to it's astounding, my man is so talented and i hate that he had to learn to do that to survive but god i admire him and how committed he is to helping others too. like he could say "welp who cares it's dangerous imma go fuck off" like ragnor did but not only did he stay but he had a huge vulnerability with all his generosity and he never gave that up not for a second, even as he closed himself off from having any close friends or family or lovers, he never was anything if not generous and kind

the way he deliberately calls Jace shadowhunter in the most uninterested and even lowkey condescending way after the "pretty boy" incident idndjdndi we stan a king

the way Alec and magnus hold hands to summon the demon and even Magnus seems a bit shocked at the intensity of the sound and the bond that they make like. obviously they have their little staring contest and Alec is doing the Lightwood Intensity™ thing but like you can see Magnus frown just slightly and be a little confused because it was so strong right off the bat. even the sound of when they hold hands is louder than when the others do, like you can just feel their connection and the way magnus' magic flows so freely through Alec like god the soulmate energy tbh

Alec has a full body jerk when they hold hands too and he's the only one like damn we get it u 2 r vibin get a room

Izzy going "you ppl are pathetic" straight to the hets is so funny especially after Alec reacted to holding magnus' hand like he had gotten a 1000W electric shock or something. but i get the feel maybe she did that deliberately so they wouldnt pay as much attention to Alec's reaction too

the special effects were truly so bad like we all knew this but damn

Jace is such an asshole like Alec made it to kill the demon because it was you know about to seriously hurt them all and Magnus had just said that he couldn't contain the demon for longer (and like we know that Alec is the only one who ever cared if Magnus overexerted himself out of the shadowhunters but like bro this affects you) and Jace just???? shoved him??????? against the wall???? like a fucking piece of shit??? they should have let valak kill him tbh

the first time magnus calls him Alexander is when he calls Alec to see if he wants a drink and it's just like very clearly a thing that's supposed to be between them two? like he never did it when there were others nearby and i dig that

the fact that when asking Alec out he said "it was nice getting to know you, you seem sympathetic" like he could have gone with a lot of better more flirty adjectives but for a second the truth slipped out and he said what he thought - that while Alec was objectively you know tall and strong and all what really attracted him was the way Alec clearly gave a fuck whether or not Magnus was struggling with his magic to keep the damn demon at bay. and that was before the magic sharing shit too when Alec proved him right by cleaning up his things and saying that he had exerted himself enough for one day. like so many ppl see Magnus as the All Powerful Son Of Asmodeus Who's Also There To Service Shadowhunters and Alec just shows the faintest signs of caring about his wellbeing and he's immediately drawn to him like damn Im sad

also maybe this might be why he asked Alec to come so he could draw from his strength specifically, like he knew from the little hand holding thing that Alec was open and receptive to his magic (which probably adds to the "sympathetic" stuff like the fact that Alec had such an intense reaction to his magic and yet didnt try to push it back or draw away from it basically shows that he's open to Magnus if that makes sense? not only because magic is a part of warlocks but also because shadowhunters are all taught that magic is like, dirty and evil, so it would be instinctive for Alec to be resistant to demonic magic in his body, but he wasn't, he accepted it so readily and intensely it was a shock to the both of them) and also that he cared enough to support him. he kinda had Magnus' back from the beginning, first killing that circle member in the club before Magnus even saw him, then helping Magnus kill the other, then immediately making it to kill the demon when Magnus said he couldn't hold him back for long. like im aware I'm reading too much into this but s1 malec was very kept to the between-the-lines and its very interesting to me to think what Magnus was thinking, even if obviously on a subconscious level. Alec was showing himself to be open, reliable and caring, and magnus values that, and hes attracted to him and he hasnt had that in a while, because he wouldnt allow himself, but now he's healing and the pull he feels when he finally gets that while being emotionally available enough to accept these little gestures of caring is really strong. love that for him tbh

i go FERAL over everything about the magic sharing shit okay i always have. the way alec shows up and Magnus is kind of falling over, exhausted from trying to hold onto luke, and Alec immediately runs to support his weight and make sure hes okay? and magnus even as he was about to fall over never had his magic falter, my man couldn't keep his balance but still wouldnt come close to stumbling and risking luke's life further for even a second. so when Alec gets there he's just quite literally having his back, supporting his weight, when even Magnus didnt care about that (which like. unhealthy) and was focused on luke? and like Magnus can focus on luke because Alec is there to give him his support and make sure he's fine and how long's it been since he last had someone to do that?? and it's clearly alec's first instinct and like we know Jace or even Clary wouldnt fucking react like that. and then they have this ridiculous fucking staring contest again like we get it alec you're gay panicking at Magnus' beautiful eyes but like pls? and then we get to the most important part which is TAKE WHAT YOU NEED

like JDNDJSNSKDNDJDBSHSBSUSNSISNSIBSZJBZUZBSJSBSISNSSINSIS *SCREAMS INTO OBLIVION, SENDING SELF OUT OF EARTH'S GRAVITY ZONE*

his reaction is just SO intense and immediate he's just like "take what you need" he just offers himself fully to help Magnus just like that, no hesitation, and like Magnus is literally drawing from Alec's strength/life force, there should be some kind of resistance, even from a regular person or a friend, like its a very natural instinct. but Alec just grabs his hand and goes take what you need and he doesn't resist he just lets him do it and lets Magnus take his strength, because he genuinely worries about his wellbeing and safety just because he does, he believes in protecting others and being there for them, same as Magnus, and to Alec it's the most natural thing in the world but to Magnus it's shocking because he's always been self reliant, he has to be, he's been alone too many times and he's been used too many times and he's scared of what he'll let people take from him if he opens himself up because he always gives and gives, and he hasnt even let anyone be there for him to have his back and give him support when he needed in these last few centuries, not fully, not since Camille. but Alec shows up and just immediately cares for him in both small (like later when he refuses to let Magnus clean his couch magically because he knows he's tired and does it himself) and huge (like literally not hesitating before letting Magnus use a super intimate and presumably draining spell on him without putting any kind of limit, so Magnus can not overexert himself like he always does) ways and it means so much to him? and hes just so drawn and attracted to him and suddenly he realizes he's catching feelings that he had forgotten how to, because of course he had been healing and opening up, but he still kept people at some kind of length that didnt allow them to take care of him even if they wanted to, but Alec got that opening and he dived right in, and Magnus realizes how starved he's been for this kind of care and support that he's been denying himself and he decides to chase this, take it seriously, and i just aaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

and like again Alec doesn't even think twice about it, because he's always been the protector and the support anyway, and he doesn't want to let anyone struggle and also most of that is just him being a Decent Human Being, but just like he got that opening that no one else did before, he met Magnus at the right time and he was sympathetic and caring and that sparked so much in Magnus, made him realize just how much he's been craving affection and care and close contact with people, and being vulnerable emotionally, and all of that that he's been denying himself. obviously magnus is romantically attracted to him but right then Alec is unlocking honesty with himself inside of magnus, he's unlocking vulnerability and not using it against him but really making a good thing out of it, and magnus' forgotten it could feel like this, safe and nice instead of hurting and scary. and again it's such a simple gesture but fuck my boy's been starved!! for so long!!! okay! and he can't help but want to desperately clutch to that feeling because against all odds he trusts alec to see his vulnerability right then (and he deliberately lets him see it further when he gives Alec that drink, tells him he's been closed off, that alec's unlocked something in him. you can see all the sadness and hope and vulnerability in his eyes right then, pretty much for the first time in the show, hes just so open and vulnerable and that's deliberate! first time was a fluke but second time he's choosing to because he wants to see where this goes, and if the magic sharing scene is the spark, the drinking scene is the fire, because they're not in a life or death situation anymore, Magnus is choosing to give Alec a chance by showing him a glimpse of his insecurities and Alec answers in kind, letting Magnus see his own confusion and want, and also again shows his caring and doesn't betray or use magnus' vulnerability and fuck!!! Magnus falls in love right then because this boy stays with him all night and talks, and he sees Magnus look at him with shiny eyes and admit that he's been scared of relationships, and he tells magnus not to overexert himself, and they click and Alec is open to his magic and hes funny and hes compassionate and also passionate about what he believes in, and they have so much in common with the way they hide and care so deeply and protect others always and are so loyal and i just. udndjdndidjdjxnxjxnskxndk SOULMATES god)

I need to lie down actually this was a bad idea I'm not strong enough I'm too feral

Might continue this later who knows. I'll be tagging malec livewatch and also long post as always if you want to filter this nonsense out

[mysterious-masked-man]

Now what I'm about to tell you sounds outrageous, and might be disturbing, but it's something that happened to me, and even though it was brief, I can't feel at peace until I tell you what's going on.

I'm a big fan of the online animated show, Epithet Erased. As such, I'm a huge peddler of fan content, indulging in other people's edits, fanart, and OCs, and creating my own. I dont share any of it, not with anyone online that I don't know. I am a good editor though, and I get asked to help edit compilations a lot by my friend, who's name I wont tell you for privacy reasons. They've asked me to edit silly little compilations out of raw material they send me, usually just of funny thing their favorite characters say.

This is the reason why I wasn't that perturbed to receive a video file over email from an unknown person. Their email was "lptnmjngaeprkfl@gmail.com", and even though it's just a bunch of random letters, I didnt think anything of it. I myself have some weirdly named emails because I like getting free trials of stuff over and over, and I only remembered the name because I copied it to include in a message to said friend, asking if they'd sent someone who needed editing my way. I didnt get a response, but I decided to open the file anyway, just to watch it and see what was up.

It looked like content I'd already seen before, and since the thumbnail was of Sylvie in the museum, I immediately recognized it as the beginning of the 3rd episode. I watched through it, and nothing really stood out. For a moment, I had thought someone really just sent me the third episode as a .MOV file. The battle between Sylvie and Giovanni and Molly began, and everything went on like normal. Right up to the part where Giovanni was batting Molly on the head with a ball of yarn, it was all how it should have been, and I laughed at the joke the same as I always did. Then, Giovanni tossed the yarn, hit it with the bat... and things started to diverge from there.

First off, the ball didnt just bounce off of Sylvie like it did in the original. He flew right off screen, and that's when I had become confused. It had already been edited, it seemed to me, so I became confused as to why it was sent to me.

Giovanni said something like "wow, that worked? I didnt think it would", and I realized I hadn't actually heard that line before, or if I had, the inflection was different. I'm autistic and this is a special interest of mine, so I've watched the whole series over again nearly a million times. I could probably recite the first episode word by word if you asked me. As the dialogue continued, it became more apparent that these were professionally recorded lines from the original voice actors.

I got really excited, thinking or hoping for a moment that it was like, a leak of some first-draft content. I didnt even think about how weird it was that it was just something I'd gotten in an email. I paused the file and tried to exit my editing program to tell my friend, but my computer wouldnt let me exit the program. It's old, so this isnt unusual. I pulled discord up on my phone to tell my friend, and that's when I'd noticed they replied to my message earlier. They told me that they hadn't told anyone my email, and to not open the file, because it was probably a virus.

I told them that I had ended up opening the file, and that it was of epithet erased, but it was different. For a while, they thought I was pulling a prank on them, but I told them it was really well done, and the voice acting was too spot on to be fan made. They *demanded* I send the clip to them when I finished watching it, and I promised them I would.

I continued playing the video, and molly and Giovanni walked over to where Sylvie had fallen over. Molly suddenly became very upset, shouting and crying. Giovanni had to drag her away. The acting was spot on, and I was seriously disturbed. I couldnt imagine what it was that made Molly react like that. Giovanni pulled her out of the room, shushing and cooing at her as she struggled and kept crying. As they left, the camera didnt move, and the music had faded. It stayed at the exact angle for another few minutes. I don't actually know how long, but I couldnt skip forward, even though I tried. Actually, I couldnt view a preview of the video when I hovered my mouse over the bar at the bottom like I usually can. I could move the mouse over the line and see it was still playing, though. I tried to pause it, but for some reason it couldnt pause anymore. I decided since nothing was happening, I could just pull out my phone and text my friend about it.

I told them about all that I had seen so far, and they told me it might have been an original storyline that was just way too dark. Then I asked them why it was sent to me. They said they didnt know. I set my phone down, and looked back up at the computer, then froze.

Because I was staring at my phone, I missed it, but there was a clip of Sylvie on the ground. It was a sprite that was unlike his usual slouch/laying down sprite. This was about the time I knew something really fucked up was going on.

The ball of yarn had lodged itself into sylvie's eye. I could see the glass had broken, and the yarn ball was seriously deep in his face. Glass stuck out of his eye socket and his cheek, and blood dripped down his face, pooling down the sides. His head was also tipped back a little, and with the blood seeping into his hair and up his head, the back of his head must've split open, too. There was a dragging mark down the wall, and the origin point was a huge red splatter where he probably got thrown into the wall.

The sprite wasn't static like they normally are. Sylvie shivered and his chest would rise and fall with his shaky breath. I was honestly grossed out by how far this had gone, but it was like I couldnt stop watching. I knew it wouldnt pause anyway. I was too scared to message my friend, because I thought it might change again.

It might have gone on for another minute, just Sylvie breathing and bleeding, until he just stopped. There was no sudden flail, no cough or sputter, he just stopped breathing, and there was no more shuddering. After he stopped, it only took a few seconds for things to start happening. The flames started up again, like they did when he used nightmare fuel on molly, and the fire alarm went off. It cut right to Mera panicking about the fire alarm, and hitting indus with a crowbar.

I was so jarred by how this became normal again, I actually didnt believe it had happened for a second. I didnt believe they would just... kill a character like that. I didnt know what was going on.

Things didnt stay the same though. Before Mera could even find the amulet, Molly and Giovanni ran into the room. Molly looked shocked to the core, and Giovanni was really panicky. Mera made Indus apprehend them both. Indus went on his whole spiel about barriers, but Giovanni and Molly never finished the punchline. He did eventually trap them, and Mera found the amulet. She admired it, and put it on. As she walked towards Molly, Giovanni tried to escape his containment to stop her, but Molly actually looked more panicked when he called out to her. Mera extended her hand, and lifted Molly up.

The sound cut out for the next few moments, but you could tell a really awful noise alerted all 4 of them, and it must have been loud, because the screen shook. The camera panned over to the entrance, which had been blocked by rubble. The roof caved in, trapping everyone inside of he storage area. The sound returned, and there was audio of molly crying, but her sprite wasn't matched up to that audio. It moved as if she was speaking, and characters would reply, but her crying would be playing over it.

The room filled with white fire, and the fluid animation that usually appears at the end of arcs began. Mera, Indus, Giovanni, and Molly were all silhouetted by the fire, but the focus was on a figure that walked through the flames. It was obviously Sylvie. As he was illuminated though, you could see he was different. It was as if he had been grayscale. His skin was white, the clouds and decoration on his coat and pants that would have been teal were all dark gray, and everything else was varying shades of gray. His hoodie and his glasses, however, were red. One eye was red with a black sclera, and drooped. The other was pure black, and the glass of the glasses were cracked. Blood dripped from that eye, and from his mouth. The back of his hair was adorned with a ring of red.

You remember how I said there was audio of Molly crying overlapping everything else? When sylvie appeared, it stopped for just a second, and then grew more panicked. It was loud enough to drown everything out, and I couldnt hear what anyone else was saying. Molly just sobbed and screamed. There wasn't even any music, just that. Sylvie didnt say anything. He just stood as the flames grew closer to the four.

Indus shouted something, then ran at Sylvie. Before he could reach him, there was a spark of red dust, and he stopped. The back of his head exploded, and he fell forward. Another track of molly crying began playing over the current one. Mera looked around for a quick escape, but I guess she just got too panicked, and she ran right into the flame. She fell down in it, and i could see her silhouette burning and clawing at her skin, which was flaking off in the fire. Yet another track of molly screaming and crying played over the two, and it was beginning to get discordant.

Giovanni brandished his soul slugger doom back, taking a step back. His eyes filled with tears, watching as Sylvie approached. His grip on the bat tightened and it shook as an extension of himself. Giovanni let go of the bat and fell to the floor on his knees.

All the tracks of Molly crying cut off as Sylvie reached down, and picked up the bat. Giovanni bowed his head, and Sylvie threw the bat to Molly. Her eyes full of tears and her gaze averted, she picked up the bat and swung it down hard over Giovanni's head. There were a few frames where the bat collided with the back of his head, but then the screen went black. The audio continued to play. I didnt catch a lot of what was happening, because I began to feel this awful pain in my neck that caught my attention.

At first, it wasnt very specific. It was just an ache at the very top of my spine, like I'd been sitting funny. I heard molly crying again, and crackling fire. Then the pain got worse, and there were police sirens. The last thing I really heard clearly was percival reporting something to her radio, about being at the scene and finding the body of "an adolescent boy" in the museum, which I assumed to be Sylvie. The pain became unbearable - it was like someone was driving a nail into the base of by neck. I closed my eyes. I couldnt see the video anymore, anyway. As I focused on the feeling, I realized it was becoming more specific. My breathing cut short, and at first I thought I was having a panic attack, but it became more apparent that there was a pressure on my neck, like a hand squeezing my throat harder and harder, nails digging into my skin.

I lurched forward and turned my computer off. Once it was off, the feeling vanished, leaving a small ache in my throat. I coughed and wheezed, and the actual panic attack began to set in. I turned my swivel chair, expecting to see someone behind me, since it felt distinctly like I had been choked, but nobody was there. I grabbed my phone and fell onto the couch, hiding under a blanket as I fell deeper into a panic attack.

Once I was calm (or once it was over, anyway), I messages my friend and told them about what happened. They didnt actually believe any of it, and they thought I had been pranking them. I swore up and down that it was real, and I still do, but they demanded proof. So I had to turn my computer back on.

I got the courage to turn it on again about half an hour later. The file was no longer open, because the program closed when I turned my computer off. I tried to open it again, but I got an error box titled "Oops! An error has occured", and the box read "you weren't supposed to see this." When I checked the email again to download it and send it to my friend, I'd gotten a response from Lptnmjngaeprkfl that just read "sorry. That wasnt for you. Don't watch it again okay? I'm so sorry." No matter how many times I tried to message Lptnmjngaeprkfl I never got a response, and every time i downloaded the .mov file, it wouldnt open. If i tried to send it to my friend, it would crash my phone or computer, and the message would never send.

To this day, I'm still not really sure what I saw. I kind of wondered if it was possible for some other people to contact the creator and see if they would respond. I got my friend to message them, but they didnt respond at all. I'm hoping they respond to someone. Please, message lptnmjngaeprkfl@gmail.com and tell me what you find out.

[shadow-assassin-blix]

It’s a Grey Area

Chapter 3

‘Italics’ - thoughts.

A/N: Some Luke bashing, cause I feel he deserved it a bit. Honestly surprised I’m still continuing this.

A good week had passed since that mission. Poe was busy investigating who could have possibly leaked the information about the mission but came up empty with every avenue he ventured. Blix returned to work in the Med bay and tried to ignore the thoughts of everyone’s minds that were now creeping into her head. She only vaguely noticed that Poe had yet to come visit her in the infirmary but understood that he was working.

The day had started exhausting, she had only gotten maybe an hour of sleep, due to echoing thoughts of everyone around her. She kept dropping everything and making a huge mess. After the fourth time, she backed away from the table, and said with a heavy sigh, “Amber, take over, I’m- I’m going to go for a walk, and I may or may not be back.”

She walked out of the Med bay and took a stroll around the base. She was trying to calm her mind, and it was not going well. Eventually her stroll came to the area in which Luke was training Rey and Ben. She took a spot on an empty crate and watched from afar. As she watched Rey and Ben fight each other with lightsabers, something looked off.

She slowly realized it was because they were not synced. They were not connecting with their lightsabers. ‘Which makes sense, since they are not using their own lightsabers.’ Using Luke’s and Leia’s sabers made their fight styles stagnant. Luke was yelling at them to try harder and do better. ‘How can they when they are not connected to the weapons?’ She shook her head and walked away with a roll of her eyes, and went back to work, a bit more focused.

Blix found herself returning to their training area again the next day. As she watched, she noticed that both Rey and Ben were getting frustrated and sloppy in their movements. As Luke berated them on their movements, yet again, Rey’s foot got tangled on a root, and as she tried to recover wound up burning Ben with her saber. He also wound up burning Rey as he tried to drop his saber to stop her fall.

Luke sighed loudly as he walked over and grabbed the fallen sabers, turning them off as he picked them up. Blix had enough at that point and moved forward.

She walked directly over to Ben and Rey and helped them both up. “C’mon you two. To the med bay, I’ll take care of ya,” She promised as she had Rey lean against her, when her foot gave out from under her when she stood up.

Luke began to protest, “Excuse me, what do you th-“

Blix cut him off with a glare and a snarl of, “Back off!”

She led them directly into the Med bay, and set them both down onto a bed, and called for Bre to come over and assist.

They began to work on their burns first, once those were taken care of Blix looked over Rey’s ankle. “It doesn’t appear to be broken, but it is swelling. You will not be doing any more training today,” Blix commented as she set it up onto some pillows and got an ice pack for it.

“I want you both to rest,” Blix demanded, pushing them both into lying down on their beds. “Take these for the pain, and they’ll help you sleep.” She handed them both a pain pill.

“But Luke, hes-“ Rey began to protest, pushing the hand that held the pill away.

“You let me handle that hermit. The only thing I want both of you to focus on is getting better,” Blix spoke softly, presenting the pill again.

Both Rey and Ben looked at each other, and then took the medicine presented and got comfortable on the beds they were on.

As her and Bre cleaned up, the two of them seemed to have their own silent conversation with one another, as they looked at the door and then at Blix.

Blix went back to filling out paperwork and checking the schedule for any upcoming mandatory base-wide check-ups/vaccinations.

She noted in a month’s time there needed to be physicals done for everyone, so she wrote that down onto her calendar, and sent reminders to her team about it, so they too would have it noted.

As she worked, she heard wheels and several beeps coming toward. She looked up to see R2D2 rolling in.

“Hello Artoo, what’s up buddy?” She asked him politely.

Several beeps and boops later he informed her that Luke was looking for his students and wanted to know when to expect them back.

She sighed heavily and rolled her eyes, her head turned to the ceiling.

“Artoo? Can you record a message for me to send back to him?” She asked as a devious thought entered her mind.

He beeped in agreement and after a moment of repositioning himself, a light came on indicating he was recording her.

“Luke. Your students will not be available for the rest of the day. In fact, they won’t even be available tomorrow. They are going to spend this time resting. You know, sleep? Eat? Heal? Interact with other human beings? I know that that last one may be strange concept for a hermit like yourself, but I digress,” She informed with a displeased look.

“Maybe you should take that time and do some self-evaluation. Maybe shave off that dead animal on your face? Maybe realize teaching isn’t really your forte?” She suggested before adding, “Oh and these are doctor’s orders, so, you can complain to your sister all you want, but my word overrides hers. Have a nice day.”

Artoo beeped and ended the recording and asked if she was sure if he wanted to send that to him. She nodded her and said, “Yes, I’m sure. Enjoy your day Artoo, don’t harass Threepio too much yeah?”

He sassily beeped that he would make no promises and rolled out.

As soon as he left, she noticed a sound coming from her patients. She looked over and saw Rey’s shoulders shaking with laughter; she tried to hide her face with her hands. Ben was smiling but was trying to cover it with a cough or by clearing his throat.

“Rest you two. I want you both to spend this time, being normal young 20-somethings. Got it?” She requested, with a smile, on her face.

‘It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Rey smile that much. Ben also looks like he’s not used to smiling either. Those two are far too young, to be that broken by the world.’ She thought sadly, before she returned her focus to her paperwork.

The day passes on smoothly, Rey and Ben were released to their rooms once their burns had healed, the former was requested to keep off her foot as much as possible until the following morning.

Around lunch time the next day, she spotted Rey near the base, sitting cross-legged, her eyes closed. As she stepped forward, she could hear her quietly speaking, “I am one with the Jedi, the Jedi are me.”

She watched for several minutes before Rey, reopened and she looked around her expectantly, but was immediately discouraged. She looked down at her lap and Blix could hear her thoughts clearly, ‘Why isnt this working? What am I not doing? Am I not enough?’

Blix glanced down and away as empathetic pain bloomed in her chest. She knew what it was like to try and connect with the great beyond and not hear a damn thing. To feel great existential loneliness.

Blix walked away and back to the med bay, even though she desperately wanted to go straight over to Rey and assure her she was enough.

That night, she couldn’t settle. No matter what she did, she couldn’t sit still, or lay down without tossing and turning. She had a sudden urge to go to her secret place, so, she threw her shoes back on and slowly made her way outside.

She was in her field minutes later, but she still felt unsettled. She looked around confused as she tried to figure out what was going on. Why did she feel so antsy?

She heard the sound of a twig snapping behind, and as she whipped her in that direction, she quietly called out, “Grandfather? Is that you?”

“Not quite your grandfather, no.” Came a sage voice, and as his Force Ghost stepped forward through the trees she gasped.

“Master Qui Gon? What are you-? Why-? I mean. Hi!” She stuttered over her words and could hardly form a proper sentence.

He chuckled at her nervousness and said, “Hello my dear. It is nice to officially meet you. Shall we sit?” He gestured to the flat ground before them.

She nodded, and sat, starring at him in awe, as he joined her a moment later.

“The past week has been rather interesting for you, I hear,” He began. “I know your grandfather came to you before, and while he sensed that you would have a need to use your powers soon, I cannot help but wonder. You used them last week but have since pretended that they do not exist again, even though your mind and body are reconnecting with galaxy. Why is that? What exactly are you afraid of?”

She looked at him for a moment, before she turned her gaze to a small wildflower that had suddenly become rather intriguing. She bit her lip, as tried to formulate her thoughts into actual sentences.

“I-. Hmm,” She started before taking a breath. “My mother.. refused to acknowledge these powers of mine. She… She saw them as a curse. A beacon in the night for any Sith lord to find me.”

“But you still went through the training, on your own, using your grandfather’s scrolls and journals, did you not?” He questioned.

“Yes. I did. But between his experiences and what wound up happening with Luke and his padawans, how the hell am I supposed to be okay with being a Jedi when our lifespan tends to be rather short?” I asked him back. “I want to live. I want to fall in love and have a family. I don’t want to be responsible for the universe and die with nothing to show for it.”

“But do you also wish to see young Rey and Ben continue to struggle as they are?” He inquired. “Rey is losing hope with each passing day. Ben struggles with finding balance between his dark and light sides. You know better than anyone what it is like to struggle with anger and hopelessness.”

She scoffed, “What exactly are you suggesting? That I train them?”

“Is that so ridiculous? Luke does not have patience for the both of them. There is far too much distrust between him and Ben; he does not understand Rey’s struggles. You, however…” He trailed off.

Blix stared at him in shock, her mouth agape. “I’m. I’m not a Jedi Master though!” She exclaimed

“What makes you say that? You have built your own lightsaber. You can recite the codes and rules of the Jedi by memory. Your skills with the Force are powerful, when you are not being overwhelmed with panic,” He listed out. “You completed your training years ago. You are strong enough. The only thing stopping you from reaching your greatest potential is yourself.”

“What if-“ She began to question.

“The ‘what ifs’ do not matter. You are a Jedi, and under your tutelage Rey will flourish as a Jedi herself. Ben while skilled already, needs guidance. Needs someone who will show him how to balance between the dark and the light. I have great faith in you,” He concluded as he stood up.

“If I may say, you would have made a great Consular,” He added as he began to walk away. “Sleep on what we’ve talked on. In the morning, you’ll know.” His ghost disappeared.

“Do none of you know how to say goodbye in a normal way? Must you make vague comments before fading into the void?” She asked out loud staring at the spot where he disappeared.

She stood up and walked back into her room mumbling to herself about rude ghostly figures. She crawled into bed and passed out as soon as her head hit the pillow.

When morning came, she sat up on her bed, swung her legs to side, and stared at the pile of journals that sat there. Only a handful were medical journals, most of them, a good 40 or so, were her grandfather’s journals. She looked over all of them, her hand rubbing at her neck, as she thought things over.

She looked over to her closet, then back to the journals and said to herself loudly, “Fuck it. Why not?”

She wandered into her closet, toward the back, and pulled out an ornate box that she kept locked. She set it on her bed, reached into a drawer on her desk to pull out the key, and unlocked it. There were only two items within the box, but they were two of the most valued objects she owned. She gently pulled them out and set them into her lucky bag, an old canvas messenger bag that she was given when she was a child.

Once they were secured within it, she got dressed. She threw on a grey dress that flowed easily, with black tights underneath, and a pair of boots. She grabbed her bag and as she reached for the door, she paused for a moment. ‘Am I really about to do this?’

She nodded her head once in affirmation and then stepped outside. ‘If I was Rey where would I be at this time? Mess hall.’

She headed in that direction, her head on a swivel as she tried to catch sight of Rey. She neared an entrance of the Mess Hall, when she heard someone call her name.

She turned around and saw Poe walking up with Finn.

“Hey, Poe! Have you seen Rey? Or Ben for that matter?” She greeted as they stopped in front of her.

“Uh. No. Not yet at least? That’s a new outfit?” Poe answered before getting distracted by her dress.

“Damn. Where are they?” She muttered, searching the mess hall, not taking notice of his question.

“So, about that date you keep refusing…” He slyly mentioned as he tried to regain her attention.

“AH! There she is!” Blix exclaimed, as she spotted Rey entering across the way, BB8 strolling with her, and Ben trailing behind.

She turned back to look at Poe and what he said registered in her brain finally, as she responded, “Uh. Yeah. Sure. How about dinner at my place tonight? I’ll cook. Say, 6pm?”

He blinked in surprise and confirmed slowly, “You’re saying.. yes? To dinner? With me?”

She blinked a bit too as she realized what she said, she took a moment to confirm that that is what she said, and that she meant it.

She, with a bright smile, affirmed, “Yes. I am.”

As a smile broke out on his face, she pointed back toward Rey and said, “Listen I gotta go do something but I’ll see you tonight!” She leaned forward and gave him a peck on the lips before rushing off.

Poe froze. Finn looked at him and waved his hand in front of his face trying to get him to respond.

“Poe? Poe you in there? Hey buddy? We gotta get grub before the meeting remember?” Finn entreated, as he shook Poe lightly.

“You saw that right? She kissed me? Like. Openly and in public for all to see?” Poe implored as looked down at Finn.

Finn nodded his head in response. Before he could say anything else, Poe moved forward to get food, talking to himself as he did so, Finn heard a lot of “she said yes” and “I’m going to marry her” before he tuned out and just grabbed food and Caf with him.

While Poe.exec was crashing, Blix had made her way quickly over to Rey and called out her name.

Rey stopped and looked at her slightly confused.

As Blix caught up to her, she looked at her and then Ben and said, “Come with me. Both of you.”

She held out her hands for them to take and looked at them encouragingly.

Rey gasped as she realized what was possibly about to happen. She grabbed her hand and looked at Ben with an eyebrow raised.

Ben looked at them both like they were nuts but rolled his eyes and took her other hand with a sigh.

She smiled at them both and led them out of the mess hall. BB8 asked if he could come with and she told him so long as he kept up.

She led them to her field and had both of them sit down. BB8 rolled in between them, and unbeknownst to any of them, sent a message to R2D2 to create a connection and show everyone what’s going on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

R2D2 was in the command center with everyone was planning the next attack on the First Order, when he began to receive the transmission from BB8. R2 moved forward and connected to the center computer and projected what was being seen via BB8.

“What is this R2?” General Leia asked.

R2 responded that it was coming BB8 currently. He’s with Dr. Blix, Rey, & Ben.

Luke rolled his eyes, still bitter about her little message she sent him the other day and gave Leia a look.

“I know. Let’s just see what’s happening, okay?” She calmly said, knowing he was not a fan of the doctor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blix looked at them and admitted, “Listen, I’m not very good at this. It’s been a hot second since I had to give elaborate speeches. But. I am honestly tired of all the bullshit, if we are going to be honest.”

She looked at Rey, and softly consoled, “Rey. It is admirable that you want to connect with the Jedi of the past. But they are not going to appear before you just because. They will come to you during times of your greatest need. Or as I call it: when my grandfather thinks I need to calm the hell down.”

Rey chuckled a bit and nodded her head in understanding.

Blix then turned to Ben, and assured, “Ben. I know. I understand what it is like to feel anger down to your bones. I know what it’s like to hate and want revenge. Believe I do. But that is not me anymore. Nor is that you. Just because you feel anger, does not mean you are losing control of yourself. Feeling anger is normal. Accept that and accept that you are stuck with us, and the chances of you returning to the Dark side is very slim.”

He raised an eyebrow at me and slowly replied, “O-kay.”

“Okay. Now that we’ve gotten the pep talk out of the way. I am going to tell you some things I have not told anyone in a really long time,” She began as she finally sat down with them. “Poe probably mentioned some things last week to you I assume?”

Rey nodded and confirmed, “Yes. I told Ben later on, before a training session and swore him to secrecy.”

“Alright. Well. Let’s get to it then,” She responded taking a deep breath. “I am a Jedi. I did not have a formal master, I just had my grandfather’s journals and scrolls, which…. Was great many of them. He lived alone for quite some time, so he wrote.. a lot. I am telling you this now, because I am tired of seeing you two struggle. I am tired of healing wounds that you refuse to tell anyone about but me.” She looked at both of them pointedly.

“I finished my training some time ago. So. I am going to steal you both from Luke, because he does not understand that his training is not working for you guys. Hell, Leia never even finished her training so, I’m not quite sure why she gets involved” She informed them.

Rey sat up straighter at this, and said with growing excitement, “Wait. Wait. You’re gonna train us? For real?”

At the same time Ben questioned, “Who was your grandfather?”

“Yes. Really real,” She answered. “And we’ll get to that soon enough.”

Rey was practically bouncing in her seat and Ben looked far more intrigued than he did before.

“Ok. So. Pull out your lightsabers for me please,” She requested and as they did so she had them set them down on the ground.

“Now, did Luke ever explain lightsaber colors to you? Like what they mean, beyond ��red mean bad?’” She asked curiously.

Rey shook her head no, and Ben said, “If he did it was a long time ago.”

“Okay then. To the basics we go,” She acknowledged with a nod. “To begin with, way back when, the Jedi Counsel had a system in place when it came to one’s lightsaber. The colors had meaning and classified you in a way.”

“There were the Guardians, their skillset were in fighting. They trained themselves in various martial arts. They were the defenders,” She then reached into her bag and pulled out one of the items she brought. “Their lightsabers, like my grandfather’s that you see here, were blue. Just like Luke’s and Leia’s.”  She gently set it in front of her and looked at it fondly, with a smile.

She cleared her throat, before she continued, “Then there are the Consulars, who were more skilled in using the Force, and diplomacy. They used their lightsabers as a last resort. They tried to seek peace and harmony. Essentially, they were better at talking. My grandfather’s Master, Qui Gon Jin, in fact told me that I would make a decent Consular. Their sabers were green.”

“Lastly, there were the Sentinels, whose skills were less Force related and more specified. They had skills in both fighting and the Force, but they excelled in other subjects. They were engineers, mechanics, techs, pilots. Their sabers were yellow,” She concluded glancing at Rey who seemed in awe and smiled at her.

“As the years passed on the classes remained important, but the colors less so. Like. Mace Windu had a purple saber for example,” She further explained. “These sabers are meant to be a part of you. You connect with them on spiritual level, quite literally. That’s why both of you struggling with these,” she gestured to the sabers before them. “They weren’t made by you. You didn’t choose them or they you. So, one of these days, I’m going to take you two on an adventure and find your crystals/gems/stones- whichever they may be.”

Rey gave her a look of confusion at that last piece and said, “Stones and gems can power a lightsaber?”

“Mmhmm. Yes, they can. Stones tend to give off more earthy tones, and gems are very similar to crystals to be honest,” She clarified. “In fact, often times kyber crystals are synthetic. Sith sabers are made from synthetics for example. Or, if you live on a sand planet where no crystals can be formed,” She gave a pointed look towards Luke’s saber. “It all really depends on what’s available to you.”

“Any questions so far?” Blix stopped to take a moment.

“Wait. You said… Your grandfather was trained… under Qui Gon?” Ben asked staring at her strangely before his eyes widen in surprise. “Your grandfather was Obi Wan Kenobi?”

A small smirk slowly slipped on to her face that she tried to smother but failed.

“You’re a Kenobi?” Rey asked in shock. “How? Wha- Why-“

“It is a very long story, that I will eventually tell you but not today. But yes, I am a Kenobi. Glad to know you remember some of your history,” Blix complimented Ben.

“In fact, I think that’s all we are going to talk about today, I will arrange with the general a time where we can slip away for a few days to find your power sources and meditate. I will, however, show you one more thing,” she concluded.

She reached into her bag again and pulled out another saber, one that the base was black, and had runes and a strange language carved into the hilt. She stood up then and stepped back before pressing the button to light it.

“My saber color as you can see, is white with a black core, which makes it look grey in some angles. That’s my philosophy. There is not just the dark and light. There’s bits of grey in the universe that should be acknowledge,” she enlightened looking at her saber with pride before she turned it back off.

“So. I know, I’ve explained a lot. And I technically didn’t really ask either of you if wanted to be trained by me, but I shall ask now,” She admitted sheepishly, as she retrieved her grandfather’s saber from the ground. “Now that you know who I am, and what I know, do you wish to be trained by me, or do you want to finish training with Luke?”

They picked up their sabers, and stood up, dusting themselves off really quick. Rey pulled Ben a few feet away, and they began to whisper to one another.

She made a face and looked down at BB8 who had been strangely quiet during all of this. She then noticed the flickering light that indicating he was sending a live feed somewhere.

“Beebee… whatcha doin there bud?” She asked, her eyes squinted in suspicion.

Beebee beeped saying nothing.

Before she could call him out on lying, Rey and Ben came back over. “We decided that yes, we want to train under you, after we’ve explained things to Luke and Leia. We owe them that at least.” Rey declared.

Ben nodded his head in agreement, but also mumbled, “Though I personally don’t care about explaining anything to them, to be honest.”

Blix snorted and before she stated, “Alright then. Let’s go get food then yeah? I kinda stole ya during breakfast.”

As they made their way back onto base, the commander center was buzzing with the information that had been revealed.

“Admiral Holdo? You knew about this didn’t you?” Leia asked her with disbelief.

“It was not my secret to tell,” Amilyn replied simply. “It was not my intention to deceive you, but if anyone knew she was Kenobi, would spell trouble for her.”

Luke starred off into the distance, he knew the moment he saw that light saber just who it belonged to. He desired more answers but knew that he probably wouldn’t get any- not with her extreme dislike of him and his family. As he looked over at his sister, he could tell that she too, needed answers. Only time would tell if they would get them.

[robinskalechip]

ultimately - chapter two

masterlist

robin buckley fan fic

a/n: how we liking this so far?

warnings: smoking, language

not my gif!

chapter two - it’s a date

robin felt nervous for the second day of school as she thought of her schedule and each of her individual classes. she felt herself get more nervous when her mind got to her english class as she thought of the school’s newest mystery

robin was suddenly missing the old way the classes were set up. they had a days and b days but the district made it to where they classes were shorter and you went to all of them in a day. she liked the change at first but now all she could think about how she was going to see this new presence every day.

all day she anticipated that period and when it finally came she felt like she was going to throw up but thinks she did a pretty good job at masking it

when she entered the classroom, she greeted mrs. olsen before seeing emily already sat at her desk. she was reading the scarlet letter, the book they were told would be their first one of the semester. the distaste she was feeling towards the book was so apparent and robin took notice.

robin walked towards the desk she sat at the day before and began putting her things down “not good?”

emily angrily put her bookmark into the book and aggressively dropped it onto her desk “it’s the god damn puritans they ruin everything”

robin laughed to herself as she looked through her backpack

the class period went by pretty quickly, they were discussing the background information for the scarlet letter as emily continued reading said book and hating every second of it hi i’m kale, the author of the fic and scarlet letter anti

once mrs. olsen finished with her lecture, she allowed the remaining class time to be free time for the class to which emily, unlike almost every other person in the class, got excited and moved to a different seat to be close to a friend, kept her head burried in the book, showing no signs of emotions to the words being said around her

robin started to pack her things before she was startled by the familiar sound of a book being angrily thrown onto a desk “have you started this shit yet?”

robin looked to her right to see emily looking at her, anticipating a response

“yeah i started it during lunch today”

“how the hell can you read in that chaos of a cafeteria?” as emily spoke, robin became lost in her details. she got lost in her uneven part in her hair, most likely from her running her hand through it. she got lost in her jewelry that she had seen the day prior; the leather bracelets and small silver bands on her fingers and the necklace she wore tucked into her shirt that robin could catch a glimpse of here and there. she was lost in her but snapped out right in time to answer her.

“i go outside during lunch”

“interesting”

the bell rang and emily packed her things as robin walked past her

robin turned around briefly as she was allowing people to go before her in exiting the doorway and was met with emily’s eyes staring right back at her. this time there was no smile, but robin wasnt scared like she had been in every other interaction with her.

after a few seconds robin exited and made her way to calculus. the entire period consisted of her inability to concentrate without her mind wondering to those last few moments of english.

now all she could think of was the clock ticking and how soon she would be in her presence again in their advanced european history class

she hurried downstairs immediately once the bell rang and tried her best to get there before anyone could take her seat next to her

but once she got there, emily was no where to be seen and didn’t come to class at all during that period. robin felt somewhat worried but let it pass as she tried to focus on the course at hand, at least while she had the mental stability to do so since the one who had been distracting her so much was no longer there

the next day, robin let the endless possibilities as to where emily could have gone wander through her mind until those thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a granola bar landing in her lap as she sat underneath her beloved lunchtime tree

robin looked up to see emily, smiling so faintly it could hardly be seen

“what’s this?” robin didn’t eat lunch every day and it was a rare occurrence for someone she barely knew to just give her food like this. regardless she started to open the packaged good and break it in half, holding one half up to emily in an offering

emily grabbed the half bar and popped it into her mouth as she began to sit next to robin “you weren’t eating anything, the granola bar was at my disposal, 2 + 2 robin”

“i didn’t know you had this lunch” robin hadn’t seen her at all in the last couple of days

“yeah because it’s still summertime technically and its hot so i choose to be a normal person and stay inside” robin laughed at this statement

“it isnt even that hot”

emily mockingly laughed at her “easy for you to say, i’m from further north where cold is cold and it stays comfortable any other time of the year” as she spoke she took the cigarette that was carefully placed behind her ear and lit it. she began to take off the maroon jacket she was wearing

the girl began to lay down in the grass, still taking in her cigarette every five seconds or so

robin looked at the girl as the sun shines onto her face that now was home to her closed eyes “what”

the girl sat up and grabbed her bottled water and took a drink from it

“nothing” robin felt flustered by the girl and it was taking everything she had not to show it

robin remembered the day before “where were you yesterday in last period”

emily was looking around at the other students surrounding her a robin. it seemed as if she was trying to find someone “family emergency”

“what kind of emergency”

emily redirected her attention to robin “a family one”

the bell rang, signaling they now had to make their way to english

emily got up first so she could help robin up before throwing her cigarette onto the sidewalk and extending a hand to robin who was holding her chemistry and physics textbooks and was indeed struggling

“what”

“give me one”

“why”

emily rolled her eyes before grabbing one of the books from robin, despite her protest

robin tried to argue but emily just started to walk off as she flipped through the pages of the advanced chemistry book

“oo atomic theory” emily seems intreged by the contents of the book, paying little to no attention to her surrounds

robin smiled to herself as she saw the girl’s fascination

once they got to the classroom, emily rolled her eyes once again as chase began to approach her. she looked at robin, handing her the textbook to then give chase her attention once more

“what”

“so”

emily looked at robin who was sitting at her desk now, watching the situation unfold as a small grin appeared upon both of their lips

“basically i thought i’d give you these last couple of days to settle in and what not. i know a new school could be tough so now i’m here to officially ask you on a date this saturday at the drive in...”

emily looked at the boy who seemed desperate. but not for her acceptance but his friends’.

“sorry chase, i’ve already got plans”

a boy named tyler approached the scene from behind chase, “you literally just got here what could you possibly have to do on your first saturday night”

emily looked to robin “i have plans with robin”

robin furred her eyebrows in confusion before unfurring them when she saw the heads of the two boys turn to look at her as she gave them a sarcastic smile in agreement

the bell rung for class to begin and emily watched as the two boys went back to their desks before going to hers

for most of the class period, no one spoke except mrs. olsen until she announced that partners were to be made to discuss the scarlet letter

robin was about to turn to emily before she felt someone pulling her hand towards the back corner of the room, right by the window where emily then hopped onto the countertop

“its a shit book, there we discussed it” robin found emily’s hatred for the book amusing

she jokingly tried to object “i don’t know i think it’s pretty good”

emily’s head immediately shot to robin’s face, away from the window she had been looking out of “now i’m definitely canceling our plans for saturday”

she saw chase turn around at these words before she shot him down once again “i’m kidding chase”

robin and emily used the ten minutes they had to discuss their favorite books without going into excruciating detail. emily liked books that made her feel at ease but excited at the same time. “i like books that make me feel like i’m in love again”

robin was growing the love her mind, and emily was growing to love robin’s

once the bell rung, robin helped emily down from the countertop and walked with her until she arrived at the enterance of her classroom. it took her a few seconds to lose the smile she was sporting because of emily, which kind of bugged her. it was killing her vibe.

robin had realized that calculus was just going to have to be difficult if this was how she was going to show up to class everyday; struck and counting down until the class was over

once robin got to european history she saw emily once again, reading the scarlet letter and looking like she wanted to end herself and that book

“still not any good?”

emily put the book down as robin began to take her seat and ran both of her hands through her hair “i am constantly annoyed by every single one of the characters”

robin felt nervous as she asked her next question “were you serious about the saturday thing?”

emily started to laugh as she mocked robin “aww does freckles want to go on a date with me?”

robin rolled her eyes as she laughed with her “no its just a question”

the girl next to her briefly paused her laughter to raise her eyebrows in a “really” sort of format

“for clarification”

emily caught her breathe before looking robin in the eyes “freckles”

“yes?”

“would you do me the honor of fulfilling my lie that i said to avoid the biggest idiot in this school?”

robin was smiling, even though she wished she wasn’t “sure”

“great it’s a date”

next chapter

[medievalcat]

ok here are my bird movie thoughts spoilers under cut

-you already have seen me say this but: my biggest criticism is that the casting department should have cast native actors as Theo and Audrey.

also Audrey’s role being so reduced was. not good.

-I really liked the portrayal of Hobie and Pippa they really stood out. But there should have been more of them not just by themselves but together!! (if there had just been a miniseries ...) I think it was kind of an interesting choice that Hobie knows about the painting earlier but I didnt quite mind that? And Im glad that the movie..did not try and show her aunts decision in a good light

-Its lol that critics complained about Theo not having chemistry with Pippa when that ....lol...... AND the scenes we do have with Pippa are really effective looks at HER as a person in her own right even if we could have had more. one of the complaints I’ve seen about the book is that people feel she’s a non character but I don’t think so and I think the film medium having her acted out by a person was helpful to understanding

-I really liked Kitsey, she was very nuanced and interesting. and the same actress will be the coach in Dare Me....A Portfolio.

-I enjoyed it. but I will say the editing kind of...?? and if I didn’t read the book I would have been confused. I think non linear storytelling is fine and so is not laying everything out and revealing things gradually is too. but this story would  have worked better with a miniseries. a lot just felt for the film purpose underdeveloped and rushed and either left things out or almost understated them? I get that film is a different adaption but ... for example Theo’s addiction struggles definitely didnt have the same focus in the movie.

-Hobies earring, Xandra’s jacket, the kids’ shared cat shirt, thank you wardrobe department 

-Hobie telling little Theo that he and Popchyk can stay and then Popchyk sleeping on Theo...Cinema

-what got the big laugh in the theater was when Chance just straight up asked tiny Theo if he wants a drink

-XANDRA....I thought there would be more of her( and more stuff in Vegas)? but her laugh/crying when she tells Theo he’s just like Larry (which I think having that face-to-face instead of the phone worked well) was so much and I think she was effective in the scenes she was in

-when baby Theo was being interrogated and was like ITS A REMBRANDT. kdjhfbhdg. the actor was really adorable and good 

-the kids were good (BETTE...lol) and could maybe have been utilized more. I liked the scene that was like “when does it hit” and IMMEDIATELY cut to them lying down high out of their minds. and somehow them doing the kids-at-a-sleepover seriously telling secrets thing about their traumas right after that worked. it was mood whiplash but that fits with how it should be ig.

- “I’m not his ward” “whatever you are to him” I WAS LIKE OH NO HE FUCKING DIDNT......!!! HE FUCKING DIDNT !!!!!!

John Crowley: Theo isnt gay but I’m going to emphasize this textually explicitly gay man who threatens him about knowing his secrets, saying “ I KNOW WHO YOU ARE” like 3 times in a row. also Boris is straight but he can’t have a girlfriend or talk about spposedly having a wife or even work with a business associate who is a woman (Myriam being cut?? let her talk..) and he stares longingly at Theo and is cinematically positioned opposite Kitsey at the party like a homewrecker in an old movie

(I genuinely love the movie Brooklyn, but Crowley...??? )

-Boris Good

-adult Theo and his endless Cersei expressions/mannerisms legit was so fucking funny. EXPRESSIONS EXACTLY LIKE HER....”I socialize with people I despise” I know he and his mommy issues stan her! something that would happen in the book. he looked like he was gonna tell Everett “by the way there’s a 30 percent off sale on lawn furniture at Sears today.” which is maybe kind of different from book Theo who is ... not outwardly like that as much

-did you see how they made Nicole look like Laura Bush lol. not a criticism just saying. but she was really good in the movie and I liked the portrayal of Mrs B and I liked how the Barbour family was done. Andy was funny and enjoyable

-I liked the cinematography detail of Theo going back to his home and seeing front and center Audrey’s mug still with her lipstick mark on it, and then seeing her red sweater laid out (which looks like Boris’ sweater)

-another detail I thought was cool was kid Pippa’s ipod being an old model to show how it was in the 2000s

-little Boris had....the exact same mannerisms and clothing style as me when I was 15 but like as a boy hsbdfdsgh

-”Katy from civics....her mother’s bf” KOTKU??? IS THAT YOU??? IS THE BOYFRIEND THE HORRIBLE ABUSIVE ONE SHE RAN AWAY FROM OR IS THIS HOPEFULLY  A NICE NEW ONE? in seriousness I think having Kotku in the medium of the film  acted out by a person and not just filtered through Theos biased pov (she said she saw him as a little brother...) would have been cool

-I know this probably isnt what happened but I will Meme:  Crowley took one look at the “Popchyk is a gay dog” line and said we HAVE to cut half that dogs scenes

[pinksvnt]

pairing: reader x vernon

genre: fluff

word count: 2,099

sypnosis: both you and Vernon are idols and hes struggling with his own jealousy that he thinks isnt justified.

    Vernon watched every step you’d make, cheering you on silently and loving every moment the camera would focus on only you. It wasn't often when your respective groups would promote at the same times but whenever they did he always made an effort to see as much as your performance as possible. You brought so much joy into his life and he couldn't quite understand why but when you two first met as a group to awkwardly exchange albums he caught himself fixed on only you. A few months later you two are now here, happily dating and still a bit awkward around each other but that was just your two personalities clashing together to form one huge mess.

    “Vernonie you can look away from the screen for second and she will still be there you know?” Seungkwan teased him by nudging him to the side and watching y/n just as he was. “Ah, still can’t believe she’s so pretty but just as awkward as you…” Vernon could not even fight that statement as it was the truth, but he didn't mind, at the end of the day he was just happy you two were together.

    “Speaking about crazy things to believe, why haven't you two gone public yet. Or at least snuck out for date late at night because video calls and very short lived conversations here don't seem too fun for a young couple? Maybe even just a car date, i'll drive it'll be like I’m driving my son and his girlfriend to the movies! What do you say Vernon?” Seungcheol wrapped his arm around his shoulder, giving him a gummy smile that quickly went away when Vernon quickly turned down the odd offer.

    “We’re fine Seungcheol, if anything I need some help getting over other things” Maybe he shouldn't be thinking of these sort of things just before a performance, he could end up fumbling on stage and making himself look bad, but also if he didnt at least say what was bothering him then he could have the same outcome. “I think I’m jealous” Not only was the interest of just Seungcheol peaked but so was every one of his members which made embarrassment set in.

    “What exactly are you Jealous of?” Joshua came up from what seemed like out of nowhere to join the conversation.

    “I don’t know, other guys I guess” He heard one his members snort and now he was just starting to feel stupid, like these feelings. “Maybe we should just dro-”

    “He’s right, let’s drop the conversation and bring it back up at the dorm but right now we have to perform, clear your head, it’ll be fine” Minghao patted him on the shoulder as they all started making their way to stage. On their way there, Vernon was lucky enough to pass by y/n.

    “You did great out there y/n” He sort of whispered to you as your members started giggling and whispering amongst each other while they watched your quick exchange.

    “You’ll do great yourself!” You threw him two thumbs up and he immediately felt a tad bit better, he needed some support from you to clear his head long enough to make it through the performance.

---

    “I can’t believe I was the one who fumbled” Soonyoung was groaning and pouting all over the waiting room over his little mess up, which wasn't even truly his fault.

    “Your shoelace got untied, let it go. It wasn't even a big slip anyway, and plus we were practically done with the set. Don’t be so dramatic” Seungcheol was doing his best to help soonyoung get over his little slip up while it seems everyone had forgotten about Vernon talking about being jealous. Which he was okay with honestly. It was going to save him from saying anything dumb. Joshua plopped down beside him, handing him a bottle of water, Vernon ended up chugging it not even truly realizing before how thirsty he was.

    “It’s normal to be jealous yanno?” To his own dismay, it seemed like Joshua was the only one who didn't forget about their conversation earlier. “Your girlfriend is pretty, guys like pretty girls, she's an idol, she’s gonna get male attention no matter what. Of course you’ll be sitting here feeling jealous when there's tons of guys eyeing her and screaming her name. They wanna be with her too yanno. And I'm not saying this to make you self conscious or anything but its the truth” Joshua just looked at him, what he said really didn't make him feel all to better about anything. So Vernon was just at a lost as to why he felt the need to tell him such a thing. “Girls scream your name, girls want to be with you, a lot of our fans are really pretty you can't deny it, so it's safe to assume she's jealous too. Why wouldn't you two be? It’s normal Vernon, just talk it out with her. She’ll get it and you’ll feel better talking about it with her” Okay, now he understood, it was probably a bit selfish of him to only have thought of his own feelings and not even considered the idea that you two could be feeling jealous of the girls you're around and the girls that call out your name.

    “Thanks Josh, I’ll talk to her when we get back to the dorms” He and Joshua ended up knuckle punching each other and chuckling a bit best bros lol  before turning towards Seungkwan and Seokmin who were playing a game in front of everyone.

---

    Vernon had been thinking about what Joshua had told him since they left the venue and now his mind was trying to come up with different ways in which he could bring up his own jealousy with you. Truth be told the only reason you two ended up dating was because you were friends with Seungkwan first and you confessed you had feelings for Vernon, which ultimately lead to Seungkwan setting you two up because in his own words they both are ‘too dense to even realize they're hungry’.

    It had been a few hours since they got back to their dorms and Vernon was completely settled by this time, so he figured this was a good time to call you up and try to get himself to talk about how he's feeling.

    Going through his contacts he got a bit distracted by the image you had set as your image. It was his favorite photo, it was cute but not in the typical way, your face was covered in frosting and you had a huge smile on your face. The day he took that photo was on your birthday, you tripped while trying to get into your seat and face palmed into the cake he brought you. It was really unforgettable. Anyway, he got himself to finally press the call button and he was going to do his best to not avoid the conversation he wants to have with you.

    “Hello?” you had whispered into your phone which left him a bit confused.

“Hey y/n, i just wanted to talk to you about som-”

    “I’m sorry Vernon but is it important? I have to meet with someone and I can’t be late. Could we talk about this later possibly?” Maybe he should have texted you first to make sure you even available, he felt a little stupid honestly. Was this important? Who were you even going to meet at night?

“Oh, uh yeah, it can wait, call or text me when you can…” Vernon ended up bringing the phone away from his face without even hearing your answer and when he heard the dial tone playing, signalling that you had hung up he groaned loudly. You told him everything and now he felt like he was turning into a pile of goop. Who were you going to meet? And why were they so important for you to meet? If it had been your ceo that you were going to see, you would've told him right away, that's what you always did. It seemed like the effect of what Joshua told him earlier had faded. Until Vernon heard from you he was going to remain a fumbling mess.

---

    Vernon was startled awake by his ringtone, he took a glimpse at the time reading 3am and your name under he felt instantly worried him so he took no second longer to answer your call.

    “y/n what's wrong” he sounded terrible groggy, he was embarrassed but he didn't really have the energy to focus on that right now.

    “Nothing is wrong silly…. I just want to hear your voice” He was always just a bit confused when he was fully awake but having just been woken up, Vernon was struggling really hard to form a sentence.

    “Im awake” He heard you faintly giggling before someone in the background went about shushing you.

    “I'm sorry for waking you, maybe we should head to bed, Goodnight Vernon” And that was that, you hung up on him yet again, he would've stayed awake longer but the bed was pulling him back forcefully to fall asleep.

    When he finally did wake up in the morning he almost convinced himself that it was simply a dream so he thought nothing of it. Then after finally taking a quick glimpse at his call history a bit more anxiety awoke inside of him. Last night was weird, you weren't one to ever turn him away or hang up calls, and with his prior issue of jealousy he could barely manage to think straight. So he just lied there staring at his ceiling, trying to convince himself that his jealousy wasn't important enough to bring up to you. He stayed like that for a few hours arguing back and forth with himself trying to figure things out, but just the sheer thought of you possibly liking someone else felt like a punch in the gut. He had to call you and this time he was not going to let you hang up. Reaching for his phone and calling you up he took a deep breath and was pleasantly surprised when you answered basically right away.

“Vernon! good mor- well more like afternoon, you must've been tired huh?” Even through just the tone of your voice he could tell you were smiling widely.

“Y-yeah, well no, I've been awake for a few hours actually” He didn't really think about how he should ease into the conversation, and even though this was all he had running through his mind he didn't want to over think his words.

“Oh well, you should've called me earlier I would've sent you some breakfast that we made over at my dorm”

“You could still se- wait no y/n I'm calling you because we need to talk. Talk about us?”

“Oh-” you paused “uhm what specifically” he now could very easily tell the difference in the way you spoke and now he was feeling more nervous than before.

“I- I'm jealous y/n. I think I'm jealous of the fact that maybe some of your fans see you in person more than I do. Even though it sounds kinda du-”

“No! Vernon, it's not dumb. I'm really glad you brought it up because I thought I was insane for feeling the same way. You know, all these pretty girls will talk to you and get to see you often but the most we get is a video call on good days” Vernon's own worries are now slowly slipping away from him and he couldn't help but sigh I'm relief to your response.

“....wow, I am- relieved” he face palmed himself and grunted just before sinking into his bed and wanting to punch himself for not getting this out sooner.

“I think we're both just, doofs…. Cause I would never want to be with anyone but you” y/n practically whispered the second half of that sentence into the phone and it was the reassurance Vernon needed. On one hand, he always knew you were happy with him and wouldn't leave him for another, but jealousy really gets to a person.

“I'm happy with you, y/n. We can make this work for as long as you want me by your side” His own face was burning up, why did he say something so dramatic and embarrassing. But it was true, as long as you would continue to want Vernon in your life, he'd stay right by your side.

[beauty-and-the-demon]

First Met

It was just an ordinary day when students head to their classes, teachers teaching and exorcists being assigned to go on missions when they get a call. But something really was wrong since most exorcists would come back with the same story, "We never encounter something like this in all of our years." As they quoted but higher ups of the Japan Branch were worried since they don't know what else do. Throughout meetings after meetings they've been arguing day and night. Until one morning when every Exorcists of the Japan Branch are having a serious meeting of this manner of issues that they been having reports. Yukio just barely made it his meeting on time.

“Geez, that was close!”

He huffed as he tried to catch his breath. He apologize to the his colleagues as his sat down.

“Oh, don’t fret Mr. Okumura, Mr. Pheles isn’t here yet and we can’t start without him.” One of the Exorcist spoke out as they straighten out their papers.

“Mephisto late to a meeting he called? Mmm...something doesn’t feel right” Yukio thought to himself.

An uneasy feeling slowly washed over his entire body. He stared off in to space for a moment then, shook his to head to get rid of that awful feeling. He opened up his bag and pulled out a a few folders and a pen. He made sure everything was in order when Mephisto waltzed though the door.

“Guten Morgen, everyone! I sincerely apologize for being tardy!”

He walked into the front of the room and bowed as he apologized.

“I had to tend to a little something and lost track for time! Please forgive me! Now let us start this meeting and get down to business shall we....”

While Mephisto prattled away, that uneasy began to resurface again in Yukio’s gut.

“I don’t like how he said ‘little thing’ like that, Mephisto was up to something.” Yukio thought, as he narrowed his eyes and stared at him.

Mephisto noticed Yukio’s death glare...

“Mr. Okumura? Do you have something you’d like to say?"

Yukio relaxed his face and replied.

“No Mr. Chairman, I do not .”

Mephisto grinned a bit

“Are you sure, cause you looked like you wanted to say something to me?”

“Yes Sir, I am sure.”

“ Oh okay then, well since all eyes are on you, would you be so kind to brief everyone on today’s mission?”

“ Yes, I would.”

He stood up and walked to the front of the room and began to read his papers out loud.

Other random exorcists listened to what Yukio had to say about this up coming mission. As Yukio briefed his colleagues on that day’s mission, the newest teacher raised his hand and asked a question. This one exorcist who's not from Japan but from Russia since his uniform is a crimson red coat with fur collar but of course as the same symbol pin on the coat.

"Excuse me Mr. Okumura," Vladmir Abruptly interrupted when Yukio was about to say the important issue. Vladimir has a very heavy Russian accent that Mephisto actually is disgusted by the accents of men talking like him but only wants to hear it from Bebe even though her accent isnt as heavy.

"These reports of demons isnt just a coincidence da? Shortly you know these demons since you once been on with my my precious krasivaya kukla da?"

Yukio listened carefully and when the man was finished he answered him.

“We don’t know yet if why these kinds of demons are here, coincidentally or not we must get to the bottom of this problem and quickly. The more information we can find out the sooner the better. That is why missions is top priority.”

Everyone one in the room nodded in agreement with what Yukio just said.

"Xaxaxa!" Vladimir let out an obnoxious burst of laughter. Everyone in the room stared at him. Mephisto grimaced and rolled his eyes.

"You guys have to be kidding when you don't know what's going on? And other branches of Exorcist around the world say that you're one of the best,"

He stood up as he holds his cigar walking around the room as they look at him listening.

"Listen ladies, what you're about to witness is a winter's wars. My own men has witness this and these demons you are all seeing are only but a beginning. I lost many good men from these bastards but if you wish not to die and make the same mistake like myself, best to keep an eye on them and even like us help you and teach you the way of how we Red Coats are really are."

Valdimir got up and walked round the room waving his stinky cigar, boasting about The Russian branch while belittling the Japan Branch. Yukio waited until he was done showing off.

“Are you done, Mr. Vasiliev?”

A hint of anger twitched Yukio's voice.

“No one ever said that we were taking this matter lightly! Every man and woman in this branch are doing their damnedest to get this situation under control. I understand you and your men do and see things differently in Russia but Mr. Vasiliev you are not in Russian. You are here in Japan and as long as you are here under OUR jurisdiction you WILL abide by our ways of doing things. Do you understand, Mr. Vasliliev?”

Everyone in the room was silent and stared wide eyed in shock at Yukio. Mephisto had a big ear to ear smile on his face and was actually very impressed to see Yukio stand up to Vladimir like that. The room was heavy with tension and after what seemed liked an eternity of silence Mephisto clapped his and said in a chipper voice.

“Well it’s getting late and you all have classes to get too! That will be all for now, thank you everybody for coming and be careful out there today!”

He bowed the left the room. Everyone else gather their things and filed out of the room. Yukio, stood at the head of the room for a moment, breathing a little heavy. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath the started to collect his things so he could get to class. As he did Vladimir came up to him and said he’d like to talk to him privately outside. Yukio, had nothing to say to this guy but he took another deep breath, grabbed his school bag and followed him out into the hall way. They walked down the hall and just as they were about to reach the courtyard Vladimir stopped and turned to Yukio. He face stern and stone like.

“Oh boy, here we go...” Yukio thought to himself.

"Listen here Yukio, you better take good care of my krasivaya kukla, and since after that evening since you'll be heading on the mission with your other comrades my krasivaya kukla will be your guide as well as other men in the field. I suggest you to pay attention to her and especially your surroundings. These demons are nothing like those you deal with here. Take care now." As Valdmir leaves while puffing his cigar, Yukio's eye were twitching as he tries to compose himself. He shakes his head as he heads to his classes. It wasn't until later when Yukio gets a call and was told to be heading to the location of the forest immediately. He understands and gather everything he needed and he quickly heads over. When all the best exorcists gathered around as they discuss what they are dealing with, Bebe finally came as exorcists who are men were shocked to see someone like her to come on such dangerous mission.

"Good evening everyone. I'll be your guide on this expedition and before we leave, there's something important I must tell you."

Everyone gathers to listen to her as some men were whispering about how shes so gorgeous but also wondering why she's here. Yukio was a bit salty of his they were talking behind her back but he listens to her carefully. Although as she was speaking, he wondered the same on what is so interesting about her and why is she going to help them. As painful as it was for Yukio to remember what Vladimir said earoler in the day, he begins to put one and one together.

"Could that be really her?" He thought to himself.

When it was time for everyone to split into groups, Yukio shakes his head a little and he takes out his guns beginning to focus the area. He was with Todo, and Bebe since she choose to be with them and she can sense a heavy dark energy around Todo. Although she remains her composure, Todo looks to her.

"So Aleksandra Casanova correct?"

"Da- ah I mean yes. Sorry used to saying it in Russian sir but yes."

Todo chuckles from hearing her and likes her approach which made Yukio a bit peeved but doesn't show and continues looking around for any sudden movement.

"It's quite a lovely name but for someone like you to be out here is quite a shame."

Todo gave off this gentle smile which made Bebe a bit pissed but she cares less what he thinks as she looks around. Yukio was three seconds away to punch the guy but he knows better.

"Exactly how did you become what you are today Aleksandra?"

She stops for a moment which made both Todo and Yukio stop.

"Something wrong-" Todo was interrupted by Bebe tells him as a gesture to be quite by putting her hands up to them as she slowly gets on the ground feeling it. She slowly draws her daggers out as she slowly gets up when Yukio and Todo was a bit concerned since they weren't sure what she heard but the moment when they draw they're weapons as well, this menaveling demon pops out into the darkness trying to pounce Yukio but Bebe was quick on her feet that she uses her daggers to slice the bastard into pieces. Yukio was stunned to see her act so quick as well as Todo.

"Well I'll be damned. You truly are gifted woman."

"Watch out!" She yells when another demon comes out to pounce and lands on Todo. He struggles a bit as she cuts the demon open to set him free. Before they could breathe, more shows up and they begin to fight back, Yukio fired at them best he could. Just as things look like they were calm, Yukio first gets tied up but Bebe tried to save him but also gets tied up with Yukio. They were but tightly tied together and the both of them looked at eachother one another.

"I.. I am so sorry Aleksandra I didn't see it-"

"It's okay Mr. Okumura just.. we have to get out of this before more will show up. Wait.." she looks around noticed how Todo was gone.

"Where did he go?"

"I think he might've ran to get help," Yukio spoke in his serious tone when he looks at the distance.

"I- nevermind," Bebe looks away since their faces were a bit too close since they're facing eachother.

"What? Is something wrong?"

"No.. it's nothing. I just..blame myself to let myself down like this."

"Heh, same here." Yukio chuckled softly looks the other way since he was a bit embarrassed to feel her body pressed against his body and just the whole situation of them being tied together.

"You are young exorcist as well right?"

"Yes," Yukio replied.

"Middle First Class Exorcist."

"Wow, I'm impressed."

"What about you?" Yukio was actually curious about her rank.

"Tier O."

"Is that like a high rank or-" he wasn't so sure how to put into words but Bebe giggles softly. His eyes widen to hear her giggle since he never heard her giggle or some form of laugh.

"You could say that but I'm curious is to how you become an exorcist at that rank at such a young age."

Yukio inhaled than exhales as he gave her an impression that it's a long story.

"You don't want to talk about it? It's okay, all of us has reasons."

"No no it's not that I don't want to talk about, it's just quite the tale. Let's just say it all started from when I can first see demons and how I was so afraid of them. But.." he sighs in shame as he looks down but she can tell that something was up so she gently rest her head on his chest which surprised him but he couldn't help it but to smile.

"You were afraid of them cause they can feel your innocence. People who show their fears is their biggest weakness. That's why demons prey on humans who fear since fear throughout history works. Not just demons but also humans control the fear over humans so they feel the power. That's the same kind of reasons demons want but they feed off of it." Bebe spoke smoothly as her eyes closed a bit. Yukio turned his head forwarded when she spoke and he agrees every word of her speech.

"That's right but were you ever scared of them?"

"Not even one bit. In a way they are like us but only by fearing others who becomes more strong. I never had any sort of intentions but only just want to feel more empathy rather than lust for blood. Killing demons is one thing that's considered good but are we not any different from killing a person whom is a murdered?"

Yukio quivers but can get what she means.

"I know what you're saying but undertsnsd this, demons has always been a threat and can never change that since they don't always understand of any common sense."

"As such but I guess it depends on how they're created just as nature creates all of us and every living beings in the world."

Yukio was intrigued to even hear her talk this much and be a little more open about her opinion. In a way, he feels honored to hear her words.

"Like so but Aleksandra, why are you being so open to me? It's not cause we are trapped here right?"

She than looks up at him directly which made him blush faintly and he heard what sounds like a cut and they both fall to the ground. She lands perfectly but he gets up regaining himself. Once he stood up he looks at her a bit pissed but also shocked.

"You could've done that the whole time?!"

She looks away as she walks around him a bit as she held her dagger but she puts it back where it was hidden. But than she looks back at him,

"I only wanted to spend a little time alone since you're the one person I can trust. You seem like a great guy but now.. I'm not so sure." She looks away as she turns herself a little upset that he snapped. Yukio was surprised to hear her say that and he adjusted his glasses as he clears his throat.

"Y-you trust me? Why?"

"I can sense the good in you. Even you are what you are, you're still good in nature and want to do what's right."

He walks up to her and he stands behind her as he looks down at her. She sighs a bit,

"But seeing how you're upset, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. In my part, I was dishonest but I only didn't do it earlier cause I don't trust him when he was around."

"You mean Saburota Todo?"

"Ugh I don't even want to hear his name but yes."

"Why don't you trust him?"

"Just something about him isn't right and I worry for you but just keep your eyes on him Mr.Okumura." She takes a step forward but Yukio puts his hands on her shoulders to stop her and her eyes widen and she looks back at him.

"Mr. Okumura? Wha-"

"I shouldn't had yelled at you and I am deeply sorry for that."

She was a bit surprised but the moment he gets on his knees while holding her hands, she was confused. "Mr. Okumura? Are you okay?"

"Please, call me Yukio. Maybe in class when I teach but outside of class call me Yukio." She gave a small smile which made Yukio blush a little since he never saw her smile.

"Beautiful.." he thought to himself.

@den-of-ocs

[charmsoloved]

uninvited.

the past week as been tough to say the least. i've been coming to terms with the fact that kazi's and i relationship is pretty much done. it's hard because this isnt something i planned for nor is something i want whatsoever. but of course, my impatient ass decides its all or nothing because i'm tired of waiting. i'm tired of waiting on forgiveness, i'm tired of waiting on grace. i'm tired of having really wonderful days and thinking it'll all work out only for it to get progressively worse than it was before the wonderful days.

last week i made it a point to be intentional with my healing. i'm having trouble distingushing if i'm doing it as a last ditch effort to save our relationship or if i'm doing it cause i am absolutely sick of myself. safe to say its both. i need to stop taking things to personally. i need to stop letting my emotions get the best of me. but it's so hard when i just want him to realize what we are giving up. it's hard because i feel like this was ordained by god because the moment we met, everything literally just started to fall into place. i've been struggling because i want so badly to say that i wish i never met him, and i want so badly to say it to his face. but i know that isn't the case because he came at the right exact time. and since we have been so blessed beyond measure.

at first, i found solitude in my isolation. i felt it was necessary to sit back and focus on myself and quiet the noise of the world that has been seriously overstimulating me to the fact where you can see it leak on others and i'm overly emotional and reactive and i just cant seem to get it together. i cut out media last week because i was being intentional about the things that were feeding my mind and i didn't want images and lyrics and videos creating a narrative in my head that was unrealistic and not my truth. problem is, i can create that narrative all by myself without having to feed myself with unnecessary distractions. but i was intentional about it and honestly it helped me get through most of the week without wanting a drink. but then the weekend came and i turned on the tv, i veged out, i drank a little with my sister (probably more than i should have with my lightweight ass) but i maintained face but i failed to pay attention to myself once more.

i am learning to slow down. to enjoy the processes and journey of life. journey is the most tortorous part for me. tortue is like picking up a to-go order of wingstop and having to drive alllll the way down alessandro home and not eating it immediately. i love instant gratification. i always say that if i could have a super power, it would be teleportation. funny because i used to commute and hour away and now you cant even get me to drive to taco bell for the drive thru where i dont even have to leave the comfort of my car. it's always the journey that stops me from taking the risk because i cant see the outcome and that's absolutely terrifying to me. i even prefer not to be the one driving because then time is at no fault of my own - i have someone else to blame for why i'm uncomfortable in the journey.

slowing down is something i have to become mindful of. i make mistakes when i'm going to fast - it's always clear every week when i'm invoicing at work lol i'm always trying to make it to the next step to feel that high of achievement, even in the smaller things.

back to this weekend, i found myself *consistently* running to the person who i knew would fill my cup temporarily and give me the attention i need. only problem is, he found someone else to give that attention to. he's still mindful of me and still reaches out to me and hears me out but still - not enough. i'm invited, but i already know the pain of rejection that i am going to feel when i see someone else calling him babe when he's not even mine nor do i want anything to do with him in the current life he is living. but of course, because i was feeding into the feelings to my flesh - i craved that validation and attention.

i started reading uninvited for literally the *6th* time. seriously, why can't i ever finish a damn book?! anyways, first night in and i'm 100 pages in. while quit like a woman taught me things about alcohol and ways to overcome it other than AA, this book is about living loved in the face of rejection. its interesting all the different points of views it points out that we create in our heads. for instance, lysa's story about the girl at the gym who she assumed didnt like her but then was surpised that she smiled at her one day only then to realize that the narrative she created in her head was all her own. she said "we assign thoughts to others that were never their's in the first place" and it really stopped me in my tracks. i've really been mulling over all the ways i've failed in relationships and friendships and how powerful our narrative and thoughts about those things can dictate how we feel emotionally and how we react.

i need to work on my reactions if anything is going to go right with kazi. i need to reframe the way i think about him and take his words for true and trust that he means no harm to me. it's so hard though when i feel so punished by him to the point where he doesnt even come home. but i have i necesarily made this a place he wants to be? have i tried to just give him the space he asks for? no. i certainly have not because i crave the validation and love from him that i once received. because i dont know this version of him, i dont know how to handle when he's hurting. is he even heartbroken? is he feeling the same pain i'm feeling? i dont want this life for us but i honestly dont know if it's saving or even worth saving. all i want is the best for him. i want him to be happy. i want him to thrive. and as much as it pains me to say this, i want those things for him regardless if we are together or not.

i need to un-do the behaviors and trauma that adrian caused me. i need to not associate them together because they are not the same person. i tend to feel like i know it all once i've gone through something once and then assign the similar traits to every other relationship in my life and then the same behaviors emerge from literally OUT OF NOWHERE because i'm in a fight response because i'm feeling less than and less than worthy.

i want to be okay being alone. i want to thrive in it, i want to crave it. i want to feel comfortable in it because FUCK, it is sooooo uncomfortable right now. i feel like i've lost a place to belong. like i've lost half of my heart and it's broken into a tiny million pieces. this is the first time that during heartbreak that i don't try to immediately replace what's broken or cover it up with a band-aid knowing damn well there are pieces missing. this is the first time where honestly i dont want a damn thing from a man ever again in my life. it's the first time i've considered just being single for the rest of my life with my cat. it's the first time i've ever thought about giving up the desires of my heart and dreams because i'm too afraid to move forward. what if it doesn't work? what if we never work it out? who will come next? do i even want a next? last week the world felt full of possibilities without him and honestly without anyone to share my life with. this week, i just want it back but i understand it's something that i have to give to God and i can't try to control anymore. trying to control it only makes it worse. it's almost like creating art and not feeling competent enough to deliever a good piece so we consistely tweak it and adjust until we wished we hadn't overdone it and that it was a masterpiece within itself before we added the chaos.

this time is different because i want to change all the things about me that make me cringe. i want to be rid of the shame. i want my time back. i want my money back. i just want to make better decisions. i'm tired. i'm tired of living the same loop that reveals the same results. the definition of insantity rings true. honestly.

[a-baleful-howl]

This is Not a Love Story: part 2

Check out or refresh with Part 1 here.

To tell a good love story on screen, scenes, dialogue, camera angles and shots are important. Usually you have lots of quiet "get to know you" moments. Or single shots showing one of the love interests reactions. You need to give obvious and believable reasons for them to be falling in love. Television caters to the lowest common denominator for exposition. Usually its the big plot twists and mastermind moments that are subtle little easter egg hints.

When you compare the scenes between Jon and Sansa in S6, to the Jon and Dany scenes in S7, there is a big contrast. And the audience picked up on it, and thats why we now have a lot of Jonsa shippers after S6. People speak in body language, and movie language helps audiences to pick up on that. If you surprise your audience with a romance that wasn't well built up, you're audience will be colder to the idea and it will not feel believable. Or, the love story will not be the main focus, instead perhaps the conflict and the repercussions of it will be. It would not be a love story.

I am not sold on really anything right now. Ive said it before and I'll say it again. Im not sold on undercover!Jon. I'm not sold on horny!Jon. I'm not sold on Jon being in or out of love right now, either. It could go so many ways. But, after months of doing research on how to write romance for my own books and stories, I know when I see a well written romance vs a bad one. And I sure hope this badly written romance isnt the victim of a rushed season or cocky writers.

I definitely got the feeling from S6 that Kit was given direction that he was slowly falling in love with his "sister" and super conflicted about it. I know Kit can do it. I know he can - so why are we not seeing it here? He could be fighting against the idea of a relationship because he has bigger things to worry about (See: Night King) but what would he be falling in love with?? Right now, the only conceivable answer would be "her looks" - which is just....infuriating. Enraging. Just... jaw droppingly maddening.

Looks can be a starting point - yes. But once Jon sees more and more of who Dany really is, theres just no way he would fall in love. They have totally separate goals. Old, pre-crow Jon would have looked at Dany and just laughed.

So have the scenes theyve shared so far shown us how they would possibly fall in love? Let's see.

Directly after the power-struggle cave scene, we have Jon and Dany exit the cave onto the beach where Dany gets some bad news.

She flips out. Jon and Davos stand awkwardly by while mommy Dany and daddy Tyrion fight at the dinner table. When Dany turns around to bite Tyrions head off, Jon steps several steps back. She is frightening everyone else on that beach. This is a display of Dany's temperamental behavior. She is angry and turning against someone who was supposed to be her most trusted advisor. Her loyalty and diplomacy is hanging by a thread. She is not as calm and level headed as everyone would want you to believe. She will turn against anyone, at anytime.

She accuses Tyrion of being too attached to his family. Who else thinks family is super important? Jon, of course. He sees Dany basically say "fuck family" and threaten Tyrion, her hand, for putting family over her. Apparently, the only one allowed to be sentimental towards family is her?

She is worked up in such a rage over starting to lose her war that she immediately goes into the "dark place". Fire and blood. Tyrion tries to calm her down but she bites his head off more.

Emilia says in the BTS, "Every time that things go wrong, more Targaryen comes out. More fire comes out."

She's being rude to Tyrion, embarrassing him in front of others, disrespecting his advice. We have seen this in the past - Dany DOES NOT like being told what to do. More often than not she completely disregards her advisors advice, does what she wants to anyway, and it comes back to bite her in the end. Every season highlights a direct piece of advice she ignores and how it fails horribly. Why hasnt she learned her lesson by now? Because she never admits when she fucks up and learn from her mistakes.

Then she turns her attention to Jon when Tyrion doesn't tell her what she wants to hear.

Dany has shown Jon little, if any, respect since he arrived. Being cold, distant, imprisoning him, not calling him by his appointed title, only offering to help if she gets something in return, etc. So why does she ask him for his advice? Its surprising and makes little sense. And Jon does not want to get in the middle of this. This isn't his war, thats not why he came, and he just saw how she treats her advisors. But she's insistent. She wants advice from someone different.

Back to the dragons. He uses them to take a stab in the dark about how/why she has so many followers. He makes that great speech that boils down to "don't be more of the same. Be different." He's also taking a little bit of his own story here. He came back from the dead, did something impossible, and is trying to be a different ruler for his Kingdom than what they've seen before.

What's odd is that Jon visually calms her. She doesnt bite his head off for saying pretty much the same thing as Tyrion. She's a little more receptive to his advice. She already likes him more than Tyrion. Her eyes soften, she doesnt yell.

But as we see later, she didn't really take the advice to heart. Yes, she didnt storm Kings Landing with her dragons and kill thousands of innocent people - but she does go off immediately to kills soldiers, burns loot and frightens people into bowing to her. Thats not what Jon said to do, either.

So we see Dany softening to Jon. He made it about her dragons - and *whew boy* is that a way to get to her heart. He praised her to be this savior she wants to be. So, this is another hint that Dany is coming to like him and respect him. But where are the signs for Jon feeling the same?

He is frightened of her when she has her tantrum. He only answers when she insists. He wants no part of this. He sees her basically say "fuck family", turn on her most trusted advisor, flirt with a dark place and do what she wants anyway. Not attractive qualities for Jon. They are still opposites. She is still preoccupied with her quest for power.

She flies off, and then we see Jon and Davos walking around on Dragonstone, probably relaxed because Her Grace is gone for the moment.

Davos makes a comment about how Jon has been staring at her "good heart."

1. What have we seen yet, that would make Jon think she has a "good heart"? Shes been cold, uncooperative, prone to anger and entitled.

2. When have we ever seen Jon look at her boobs? In the cave, he keeps his eye line at her face/eyes. On the beach they were too busy backing away from her yelling to even look at her chest. In the throne room, any attraction he might have felt when first seeing her was eclipsed by her personality and attitude.

3. This is weird exposition to try and force the audience into thinking Jon is attracted to her. You should not have to spell out a romantic attraction. Looks and camera angles and dialogue should do it for you. We're watching film, not listening to a radio show.

Maybe this was a way of the writers spelling out why Jon is avoiding an attraction? "Theres no time for that". He is single-minded with the fight against the Night King. He's not open to the idea of romance.

Then, Jon reenforces this idea that he doesn't trust Dany at all. He is hesitant to believe she respects her subordinates because that is the opposite of everything he's seen so far. He's a King and she has imprisoned him against his will.

But Missandei's response gives him a little bit of insight into why people love and follow Dany. He had not seen it himself before Missandei spelled it out for him. He's been imprisoned, he's seen her be cold when he asked if she believed him, and he's seen her turn against Tyrion. He doesnt necessarily believe it, but he listens to Missandei.

This is why his speech on the beach made no sense to me. Why have him give that speech before he talks to Missandei or another one of her followers? Where did he get that speech from? Its almost an identical speech to Missandeis. And if he believed that, and came to that conclusion before talking to Missandei, then why is he doubtful of Dany's "good heart" in letting Missandei leave or Dany giving hope to her followers?

It would have made more sense to have him talk to a follower first, before his speech on the beach about Dany making "impossible things happen." Unless he came to that conclusion on his own - but then why ask Missandei? Why look so reluctant to open up to her? It makes no sense.

Immediately following is the Theon scene. Honestly, the more I rewatch this scene, the more I realized I love it more than the LF crypt scene. Oh god, the nuances. Jon's quivering rage voice. His dead eyes, which are more expressive than we get to see lately. Holy crap I love this scene.

But this, I guess, is also important to show Jon what kind of rag-tag gang Dany has as her allies now. Theon was such a little shit - growing up and when he betrayed Robb. It speaks to the type of person Dany is that she has this guy on her side.

Kit says in BTS "I think he's willing to forgive anyone if they are willing to help fight against the Night King."

But Jon explicitly says he is only sparing Theons life because of what he did for Sansa. Theon helped her escape. He sacrificed himself to save her - to take her away from that awful place. I'm sure Sansa and Jon have had many conversations since her escape about what Theon did. And not only did Theon tell Sansa that he didnt kill Bran and Rickon - that he murdered two innocent farmer boys, instead - but they got the proof in Rickon on the battlefield and Sam seeing Bran beyond the wall.

But Theon still did horrible things. He's still a slimey person in Jon's eyes. And here he is, on Dragonstone, fighting for Dany. What does that say to the company she keeps? That shes allied with morally questionable people? Or that she's a forgiving person, with a weakness for "cripples, bastards and broken things"? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Theon asks where she is, and Jon does not look happy or okay with the answer.

So far, we're in episode 4 of 7 and there is no reason for Jon to be attracted to Dany. He has seen bad sides of her. He has given her a few chances to show any good side, and she doesn't.

Dany is intrigued by him. He's kind and different. She asks for his opinion. His advice seems to calm her. He's played to her good side. So we can see her starting to soften.

But Jon is not really intrigued by her. He wanted to go home. He's been held against his will. She is stuck on this quest for power. She is hot-headed, selfish, and short sighted. He has seen very little redeeming qualities to warm up to her. He just wants his dragonglass and to GTFO. So far, she has only agreed to help IF he bends the knee. She wont help simply to save people. She wont help because of her "good heart". She wants his power and his kingdom in return. Not what he was hoping.

So then we have Dany coming back to Dragonstone after scaring people into bending the knee. The Tarlys dont, so she burns them to a crisp. She aint playing around.

Jon is just standing out on a cliff, in his cloak, probably brooding some more? Waiting for her? Welcoming party? Why is he out there?

And then we have a moment between him and her dragon. This is a moment ONLY between him and her dragon. Dany is just a spectator here.

He is frightened of the dragon, but YOLOs and faces his fear. He is literally facing his fear. Testing his own courage. Proving his own strength to himself. This moment has nothing to do with Dany, but everything to do with him.

He is awestruck. Dragons were a thing of legend. And now he is connecting with one. His adrenaline must be off the charts. Its a magical moment.

Now Dany is very attached to her dragons. She believes she is the only one with a connection to them. Most people would scream or run away. Her dragons have reacted violently to those who have ever threatened her or wished her harm in the past. They are one with her. And here is Drogon, a dragon which is aggressive and unpredictable, acting so gentle and different towards Jon. And shes just an outsider to this moment.

Another check mark that would make Jon attractive to her. Her dragons didn't scare him. Her dragon liked him. And Jon seems to like the dragon. Thats different. Thats new. Thats on the same level as her. He's surprised her yet again.

Now, Jon looks up at her as if "this is yours? This magnificent beast is yours?" But as soon as she comes down, he's all business again.

His moment with her dragon warmed her up to him a little. She wants to talk about her babies with someone else who probably has the same unhealthy admiration for them like she does. But he's not quite on the same page. Now, what word was Jon thinking instead of "beautiful"? Frightening? Terrifying? This sets off another one of Dany's "fire and blood" looks which scares Jon back into submission. She's a firecracker just waiting for a match. Dont want to get on her bad side. She's mama dragon - and hes seen that quite a lot.

Now, here is The Look(TM). Arguably the only time Jon seems to really look at her without thinking. In the scripts, the stage direction is "He watches her watching her dragons and wishes that he could keep looking at her and forget about the world events weighing on his shoulders." And dear god, was the impact lost.

In contrast, look at how Jon gets lost staring at Sansa in S6.

honestly, this scene is just ripe with Jon looks.

Focus shifts, single shots, close ups, and lingering on him lost in thought with no context. If you want to point out a look or reaction - THIS is how you do it. There are focus shifts, to highlight Jon's face. To bring attention to it. You can't miss it.

Him watching Dany in 7.05 is actually so subtle you might miss it. Its not the focus. We arent supposed to be honed in on his reaction. If it was oh-so-important, there would have been a single close-up, or a camera shift for us to see that he was distracted watching Dany.

Also, this is related to her dragons. Her relationship with those dragons is important to Jon. Jon only seems to show thought and softness when her dragons are involved. And it is over before you know it.

Back to business. He brings up what she left to do. And it's not good.

He's conflicted. She did the opposite of what he hoped she would do. He can understand why, but it's disappointing. Not a turn on. Not an attractive quality. Not something that is winning him over. Another chance she had to show him she was good, and she chose not to.

She has dragons. And shes not afraid to use them.

Then we move on to the talk and walk. He is still acting reserved. Shes in charge of the "get to know you" talk again. Shes standing closer. She's warmed up. She's talking much more like an equal and not like a cold ice-queen.

And she grabs his arm. But there’s no close up. ;)

Then she tries to get more acquainted by asking a more intimate question, in a more intimate way. Why is she so stuck on this knife in the heart line? And why is he still so insistent on not telling the truth? He still doesn't trust her. He is still on the fence about her. He lies to her face. And she just wont let it go.

This is not level playing ground. This is not "getting to know each other". Dany is trying but Jon is resisting her getting to know him any better. Why?

It looks like its about to get uncomfortable - that he is upset by lying and she might press the issue. But thankfully Jon is saved by Jorah. Dany looks so happy she might cry. Jon is confused by her sudden change in attitude. Who is this guy shes much more agreeable towards? Thats not the Dany hes seen in his time there.

Then she introduces him. Jon knows who he is.

Now, some say Jon looks "jealous". Um - why? Why would he be jealous? He trying to avoid a connection between them, as evidenced by his lie right before. He's simply clicking the pieces in his head - figuring out her relationships.

He sees her embrace and welcome this man who he was raised to think as a traitor, a bad man. Someone who his father had sentenced to death for doing unspeakable things. A coward who ran from his sentence. And here Jorah is, acting noble and completely loyal to this girl who has been cold to him and her other advisors the entire time he's been there. He sees more of her misfit rag-team, first Theon and now Jorah, and how she treats those who are loyal to her.

He's only clicking the pieces and starting to figure her out. His "good heart" line would have fit better after this scene, too. It made no sense where it was before.

This is the first time we see any hint that Jon might be able to warm up to her. The way she cares for her dragons. The company she keeps. How warm she really was to Jorah. But thats overshadowed by her action towards her enemies. Her look when he almost dare speak ill of her children. The fact that he still wants to keep his own secrets from her, whatever his reasons may be.

Its now episode 5 of 7 - and just now his side starts to come into play in this "supposed epic love story", and it's shaky at best. He is still wary of her.

Jon is staying very mysterious. Honestly, ever since he showed up in Dragonstone we are not shown much of his POV. We see a lot of Dany's POV - her talking with her people a lot. Her talking in her war room with Tyrion. We don't see a lot of Jon talking with his people, or talking about his wants and plans. He is staying a big mystery. Davos and him talk a little about how "theres no time for that." Jon and Theon have a Sansa moment. Gendry and Jon have a bonding moment. But do we ever see him talk about his plan for bringing Dany to his side? We really only see his actions through Dany's eyes or someone else's.

These non-focused looks are very mysterious. Why does he get lost staring at Dany? Why does he keep lying about dying? Theres no exposition. Which is really odd, because Dany has quite a bit of it.

This romance is shaky, forced, rushed and confusing at best. I mean, it helps explain the backlash and the disappointed fans. How viewers are confused by this outcome. Why everyone is desperate to think there is something else going on besides "true love".

I think everyone can agree that this relationship is doomed in one way or another. But the big question right now is - does Jon actually love/have feelings for her? What evidence is there for that? What has been shown on screen to support a mutual romance? Not much, so far.

I'll do the rest later. Tumblrs mobile update might ruin my current work (it only lets me tag one hashtag at a time because I have to use the mobile browser- blah) - but I'll get onto it! These take a lot more work than I'd expected, and coding from a smart phone is a bitch. Part 3 and (maybe?) Part 4 coming soon.

xoxo

edit: and it keeps fucking up on me. T.T I hate formatting on Tumblr so much...

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 3 | “It does not look good for our tribe. Honestly, we suck... Really bad. ” - Duncan

The way I absolutely flopped at that puzzle… this is why I’m a Beauty cause a sis ain’t smart to complete a puzzle and I’m not brawn-y enough to do well in a challenge hgjfdk BUT that being said, Hagthor beat the thots and apiss and I couldn’t be any happier! I do wish Brawn lost over Brain but yknow, you can’t have everything go your way (‘: it’s funny how I slayed the last challenge and flopped this one tho like a bitch really lacks consistency huh ghfjndmks

Heading into a second tribal council, there is becoming less and less room to hide. I am struggling to hold my own against the other tribes when it comes to competitions, but thank goodness it's a numbers game. If everything goes accordingly, I am taking a backseat this vote and allowing a 4-2 vote out when it comes to Trace. I appreciated Duncan coming to me with the alliance chat information with him/Scott/Trace/Isaac, but didn't like how Autumn needed to tell me first. Shows that I really can't trust Scott/Duncan after a swap comes up. In regards to Scott, he outright didn't say anything. I like him and all, but it was a slimy move to say the least. He only said something because he HAD to vote out someone in one of his two alliances. This group will be dumb as hell if they let me swap. I'll flip on them as soon as possible and invite anyone into my alliance. The tribe swap is where I made my 'Slithers' game infamous last time, so I'm hoping for a similar output. Don't forget: I swapped with the minority last time in Guyana (shout out to Jess), so I'm not worried about the numbers and how its split. ALL I NEED IS A SWAP OR TWIST. GET ME OUT OF HERE. 

Wow we’re really flopping this challenge huh! I really hate this as a group challenge bc we wasted so much time believing in an algorithm that doesn’t even work! 

okay so i again filmed a video confessional while walking the dog which i WILL eventually upload i promise hosts BUT. this challenge was literally torture, staring at the excel spreadsheet was so draining. TJ did so much work for it so I really really hope we win he is so sweet i was real mean to him at the start for truly no reason NNN i really really want the beauty tribe to go to to tribal, or the brains lot again i guess? i dont really wanna go to tribal even though i think Liam M is the easy vote? i'd rather not. i just feel really drained after that challenge i wish this confessional was even a little bit exciting im sorry hosts

i feel like i underappreciated dan as an ally?! the more i talk to him its like hmmm we vibe and we have similar energy? like i get very different but good energies from all of dan, jake and jordan! which i love, like i feel really good about them all. like what's reassuring about dan (and this sounds weird) is he feels fine complaining about others to me in pms? like jake does the same and that makes me feel really reassured trust wise - like i would never talk negatively about another player to someone i distrusted tbh... so i feel really good about that! i feel like particularly in a maybe swap i'll really bond with whoever i get to swap with even MORE. idk i just feel good about this brawn tribe still i don't want to GOOO.

okay so yesterday was... eventful! i watched the sequester mini with jake which was super fun and then right after... he cracked the tomb and i decided to tell jake about my idol. have i had it since day two? yes. but i told him i found it during the mini so i wouldnt seem sus. i dont regret my decision (so far at least anyway JKASD) because a) he cracked the tomb and immediately told me b) i think he is loyal and particularly since i told him i can and will idol him like i dont think he has incentive to leak my idol unless it comes down to lategame and he wants to blindside me but i don't see myself being able to hold onto the idol until that stage anyway! but yeah so jake knows about my idol so i'm hoping i can use it to my benefit, or to save him because i'm really invested in his success this season. maybe we are gonna be the two brawns at the end woo and tony style even tho i think i'm probs the woo nnnnn

Trace went home and that is yet another potential connection I could’ve had in the game GONE… like the Brains really wanna see me flop huh! It’s interesting that it was 4-2 vote tho like it has my overthinking self spiraling lowkey. I do really feel for the Brains having to lose twice though like I’ve been on a flop tribe before and morale is always low so my heart goes out to them and I hope they beat Brawn xoxo 

This challenge? Literal homophobia! Like I love unscrambled eggs and I want my eggs cracked by VARIOUS men but this was not what I had in mind (‘: this challenge being my alliance + AJ is interesting as well considering that AJ was the one person I haven’t established a game connection with but I do really like him. In a way, I do think him participating in this challenge is the best thing that could’ve happened to his game since it allows him to build more connections with others? That being said, Connor on the other hand… is disappointing me in a way like the king isn’t talking much or doing much. If he has personal stuff to attend to, I completely get it and he should focus on that first but I do wanna know so I don’t assume he disappeared yknow (‘: but oh well !!!

I do think me honing in on the fact that Kendall and I are two peas in a pod in this game has her really thinking that which is awesome! I do adore that girl but I gotta keep an eye out (for Selener). She did tell me that her goals this round include the following 1) Set up an alliance with us + Austin, 2) Get AJ to be our alliance’s fake 5th, and 3) Get out Adam. While I am glad she told me all of this, I’m just very cautious of her connections? Austin and I are super close and he likes her, that’s fine. My thing is with AJ because while we were calling, I did pick up on the fact that those two have played before and whatnot so who knows. I’m just a naturally stressed person so ye !!! I do really like Adam though so I hope we don’t lose at all (‘:

I hate myself for being on a call for 9 hours in this game ghjfkdls but that being said, I do genuinely love everyone on this tribe and the thought of losing makes me super emo because I feel close to every person here in one way or another. It’s a dilemma too because us winning this challenge would be ideal but if we do win and Brawn goes to tribal, the Beauty Tribe becomes public enemy number one in a swap scenario because why wouldn’t the other tribes wanna get rid of the tribe that has the most members yknow? It’s a nail-biter regardless ;-; 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1fpSJvDJxy38LcRI4MjwzIa64zT_tytXC/view?usp=sharing

So I'm not surprised that we lost AGAIN! Lowkey I feel like I did everything during this challenge so not only do I feel more defeated, but I'm annoyed that not too many people contributed. Like I have to constantly ask people how they're doing in the challenge, and they provide me with NOTHING!! And I'm tired of voting people out :/ Anyways, I feel like voting out Isaac is a dumb move for my game going forward, because Duncan/Autumn are clearly a duo. Duncan even said to me that he wouldn't mind voting out Devon if we needed too. If we don't swap next round and lose again, I have the feeling Duncan and Autumn are going to try and pit Devon and I against each other. I like to think they'd choose me over Devon since I don't have any connections to anyone. The smart move would be for them to utilize Isaac and blindside me, but I like to think they wouldn't be doing that anytime soon. I feel bad voting out Isaac because I know how much he hated being booted early in Malaysia. So to do that to him again is really sad to me. I would try to convince Devon to split up Autumn/Duncan, but he's all about the 4 going forward. Everyone is and as much as I love the 4, that type of game is boring. Idk maybe my style of gameplay is different than theirs. If I see that I'm in a sinking ship, I make sure to grab a life vest and swim to another boat. I don't sit on the boat and say "okay, time to drown now". Luckily none of them know me for the numerous times that I've flipped on alliances before. If we do swap next round, my plan is to remain loyal to whichever brain is on my tribe. However, this won't stop me from trying to make connections with people from other tribes and making new alliances. If I need to ditch my brains to solidify trust with my new tribe, then that is exactly what I am going to do. In the event that I do leave tomorrow, this game was fun! After being out of the tumblr survivor community for 3 years, I don't think I'd come back for a future org/season because the amount of stress i've been in this past week is more than I've endured with online learning since corona came to town. Idk I wouldn't be surprised if a #blindside came my way.

it's only day 7 and we havent even been to tribal yet and we STILL arent going because we won again, and im already going off the deep end like am i crackedt?? what the hell is happening on this tribe like am i the quiet one or is there just a collective quiet going on since we're just sliding through the game rn?? im not gonna lie it's kinda boring... it's getting weird.....the fact that there's an idol just looming around and someone has it and isnt telling me is making me crazy, and then to make me even more crazy i foolishly decided to sit out of the challenge today, i knew i probably wasnt gonna be good at anything with the letters all jumbled together, im just being real so i decide to spare my tribe and myself mostly the misery and sit out, i dont want to be perceived as weak completely and be voted off right now for it, but i do want to start to make sure people think im not that good at the challenges so i dont have a target going foward- also, im really just not good at the challenges. BUT apparently everyone was just like on a call together all day because of the challenge and obviously i couldnt be in it so :// my own fault! i didnt think it through completely and luckily we won, but if we hadnt, i mean... a day long on/off call is more than enough to bond over and pick a first boot from those not in it, but aj updated me on everything and at least according to him, my name wasnt mentioned and they were mostly working on the challenge and discussing white men, so that means i didnt miss much! im still working day by day on trying to water my relationships with everyone and make sure theyre ready to bloom into my little alliances once its had enough time to absorb all the sunshine i naturally radiate!! However.... others arent doing the same gorl.... like connor, literally messaged me out of the blue just to have a conversation and when i tried talking to him he stops messaging me right away ... like hello is it something i said?? i literally feel like parvati when she was going is it me?? am i being punkd??? also tried talking to kendall again today, i do enjoy her i will say she's growing on me but as of now she hasnt responded to me yet, which is ok since i never respond to anyone either oop hopefully its just not everyone vs. adam already in other news i guess a swap could be coming?? i really just dont want to be on a tribe with jakey because im not ready to dig up the hatchet from cvc lets keep it buried please!! unless he's completely forgotten that and wants to work with me and be my shield again but um... dont think he'd be up for that! im here to play a NEW game not my old one, in any case, no matter what happens i feel like as long as i have any of my fellow A name sisters- AJ, Augusto, or Amir with me, i could possibly be fine... i dont think Amir was really playing me anymore either like i did yesterday smh i think that was just a tangent of paranoia my mind created (maybe ..) 

I feel like we have to be swapping tonight like this brains tribe has lost so many challenges in a rwo, that ifit wasnt planned i feel like the hosts have to be like "put it in sis they movin" Im gonna spendthe rest of the of today working on my relationships with the rest of my brawny boys, so no if we do swap, on matter what configurations it lands on I should have options. Still dont know jac shit about the tomb and that is bothering me but thats a problem for another day.

Well, thank god that we were able to pull that challenge out. I knew if we lost it that my ass could potentially be on the line given how large of a role I played in organizing that challenge, so it would have been sad (and hella scary) to have lost that. But I do think I've shown that I can be a valuable asset to this tribe now in the event that we somehow stay in tribes for another round. I'm anticipating a tribe swap here this next round, so I kind of just need to prepare to meet some new people and hope that I'm on a tribe with some people that I've gotten along with. Ideally, I'd have Jake with me and we'd act as if we weren't that close, but I'd be happy to see basically anyone but Liam there with me. He's a great guy, but I know he doesn't trust me, I know I don't trust him, so I really don't want that to be my only lifeline on a swap tribe.

okay so in the event we swap out of the brawn tribe tonight... which would be TRAGIC i wanted to do an in memoriam of apis 1.0! TJ - i was SO rude and wrong about him! he is genuinely so sweet and lovely, and super hard working. i think he would be a good one to swap with, it would build our bond and he is a challenge workhorse! i hope he isn't mad at me for my round one confessionals, just know tj that i was WRONG and that i was the clown! Lovelis - I get really good energy from him but we also... never talk so idk where I'm getting that from? I think he is definitely going to be a casualty of the swap, I see him definitely getting picked of? Which would be sad! idk we will see Liam M - He is really sweet, but we also talk super infrequently? I feel like he trusts me which is good?! But I think he is definitely gonna go premerge unfortunately just since he isnt super active? we will see ahh Jordan - I really like Jordan i think he is great! we are working together but something about his energy has seemed... off recently? and jake has noticed the same thing and idk what to do with that it just seems off? idk i feel like we potentially are gonna drift apart as allies which would be a shame! Dan - I really love Dan, he has such good energy which I really vibe with him? I think I kind of underestimated his potential as an ally which I really regret I like him a lot tbh.. I'd like to build that trust further for sure, he just gives off such good ally energy Jake - ahh yes have left my favourite for last. ugh i love jake his energy is the best and i trust him 100% unequivocally. he knows about my idol (may've kept it a secret for two rounds but i told him eventually which is what counts jasldfkas) i want him to succeed in this game so badly, im really hopeful for him to SNAP also quickly about the brain tribal, i just hope isaac/autumn/duncan are safe. those are my only preseason connections and would kinda love to see any/all of them in a swap situation tbh i think i want that devon slithers man gone he seems sneaky (is it just because slithers sounds like a snake yes)

It’s been way too quiet around here so I’ve accepted that Duncan/Autumn/Devon/Isaac are all voting me out tonight. Devon keeps talking to me about the swap and really emphasizing about it, so I get sketch vibes from that. Plus that Duncan/Autumn duo is very strong so it makes sense for them to want to vote me out. Plus apparently Isaac is writing my name down tonight so... it’s been fun! I enjoyed my 7 days that I spent here and can’t wait for the perjury trip with Trace and Bodhi 🥳🥳🥳

Lowkey kinda bummed we won this challenge. Which probably raises a few death flags but whatever. I would have liked to put our alliance to the test before a swap :/. It also would have been neat to have the fucking idiot who voted with Trace as a spare vote, now they are definitely going to get fucked. Luckily the challenge provided some new optunity for alliances. For starters we can make a natural extra alliance with AJ without drawing conclusions to a mysterious third faction. Even though Connor did jack shit... I'm not bitter just... disappointed. :/

PERIODTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT, WE WON HOES! Like I am incredibly shook that we won because I was ready to jump off of a ledge hgfjkdl so yay for that! The Brains lost and I really do feel for them but Brawn winning makes our numbers equal and the Brawns are more threatening overall so that should mean that Brains would want to work with us in a swap scenario yknow? I’m just shook I’m on the winning tribe ghjfdks

Now that we won, I SHOULD be chilling right? Well, I hate myself so I’m not doing that one bit. I am deathly afraid of a swap next round because the makings of a swap are all there (a flop tribe that needs a swap to save them, us being at 18 people is perfect for 3 tribes of 3, etc). I’m scared I will get swap fucked in some capacity so I’m just aaaa. That being said, I do want to make sure I leave on amazing terms with everyone before we swap in case I am separated from anyone or I join some of these legends on a new tribe. 

honestly, our tribe has been pretty much on a high. our most recent challenge seemed like something tailored for us to lose, and while i was nervous for a second, we were able to best the brains tribe and send them to tribal for the THIRD time. (i really thought they'd have that one in the bag!) i feel sorry for those nerds, they just can't catch a break :( but seriously, the challenge itself really opened doors of opportunity for me in the game i feel. me/kendall/amir/augusto were on call from 11AM est to the time challenge results went up.. and it was an experience. we all got along pretty well and put our braincells together to get through that challenge, but their company was what made it worthwhile! connor was also participating in the challenge, but he didn't really do anything. although i know he's been pretty busy lately so i'm not too bent about it and completely understand, just wish he said a little more in the chat other than the two messages he did! i think what i'm preparing for right now is the swap. i really wanna cement solid relationships and allegiances with the people on my tribe as we anticipate going into bigger tribes as of next round or the round after. i wouldn't mind just staying on this tribe, though. our dynamic is great, the people are great, and we're even better in competition. there's really not much of a loss there if you ask me! 

So in the past 24 hours I've worked my ass off to try to get Autumn and Devon to vote with me against Scott and/or Duncan and I'm not getting my hopes up. Like everything they've given me has been so vague and I've tried to go the extra mile to try to get Autumn and Devon to trust me. I think I'm going home tonight and if I do that's tragic but not exactly a #blindside. It might be my curtain call but I hope I at least made them doubt each other. 

Also #FuckThoth, Jess rigged me out

Me waiting for tribal to happen: https://66.media.tumblr.com/c327b3a59ef66f9835241d079c1fbe39/tumblr_n20f10EtZH1rkuhmio2_400.gif

Me if I make it out alive tonight: https://media1.tenor.com/images/664df9da1de6fb8913ff67b2ca8234e0/tenor.gif?itemid=16269462

 Me if I get voted out tonight: https://media.giphy.com/media/aUW1R5qccvQ3K/giphy.gif

I HATE IT HERE I WANNA GO HOME!!! I feel like the underpaid babysitter that the parents forgot about cause these boys are triiippppinng. I’m selling the vote so well to Isaac I actually wanted to vote Scott with him and I was going to but my damn alliance has him secondguessing and now everyone is all misty eyed about being split while Isaac is panicking so the solution is a CALL. Even though we call EVERYDAY so there ain’t shit to talk about??? Isaac has been blowing my pm’s up all day so no sir, no farewell calls. My emotional energy has been spent for the day lying for 6 hours straight thank you very much. Scuncan and Devon need to cut the melodrama out cause we have a whole game left?? So we will see each other again??? And if we don’t, we don’t. Also we could not get swapped tonight??? So simmer down. The Lord NEEDS to take me cause I can’t do it. Everyone needs their hand held and their feelings coddled and I’m tired. Less  kumbayah, more playing Survivor 

So we won again! I felt terrible in our challenge chat because I really couldn't get my head around the patterns and shit everyone else was doing, honestly hope they don't see general weakness in me because of it.. I'm good at like, everything else, but I dunno, this season's just not been looking favourably on me yet. After the flag incident and then that challenge, I feel like I probably am in the most danger, and I still don't know what to do about it except spam everyone all the time in hopes they feel some social tie to me... I hate it here I rly do. Hopefully we'll start to get more comps I can excel in because so far it's been flop after flop and I rly hate to see it.

Not AJ telling me that I am the person he is closest to on this tribe… I’m crying ugh, I feel so bad for wanting him to leave first like I didn’t get to know him well until recently but I really do like him… why was I blessed with these iconic people on my tribe? Game aside, I do like them all and want them to slay in life <3

I'm so screwed if I don't win this immunity challenge. I know I'm a weak link, so if I don't win this, hopefully *dan* doesn't either cause I might have to target him to save my skin. This is where I'm really gonna have to be social over the next day, cause my ass is quite literally on the line right now. I'm not getting 18th-16th, screw this.

Okay I’m gonna say it, I love my alliance so much.I will not play with my heart and I’ll kill them if I have to but I really really really don’t want to, I obvi love my alliance with Augusto, Kendall, and Connor so much, but i will not play with my heart and ill backstab them if i have to but i really really dont want to. I would also like if adam austin and aj were safe. I really really like adam a lot. he is a fking sweetheart, and hes so funny. Austin is also great and super genuine and kind. i feel bad for calling him boring earlier, and aj is just funny and cool in general. the best case is we never have to go to tribal and i get to keep my inbred nocturnal intoxicated-at-all-times tribe members here. I am gonna need as many of these people in the game as possible for the swap and for the merge, and if we end up do having to go to tribal, I will do everything in my power to keep the tribe from getting divided, because we're gonna need each other to take down the brawn tribe.

I want to be tight with every single one of the beauties because a swap is likely coming and I need them, and the biggest issue rn I see moving foreward is if brawn and brain align, so we must snatch the brains first. every one keeps talking about being stumped about the tomb and I just keep lying DKNDKDNDD but I am lowkey scared they know I’m lying