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patolemus · 1 year ago

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i don’t know why i am the way i am (there’s something in the static, i think i’ve been having revelations)

Rin has always been a believer. Both he and Yukio attended mass every Sunday at the monastery all their lives, grew up listening to Shiro and the other priests recite from the Bible—and this is the only book Rin knows almost by heart. The twins were baptized when they were younger, and despite his rebellious attitude, Rin has never wavered over that belief - whether that is because he was always surrounded by it or not - and it’s Yukio who’s gotten more skeptic about it as the years pass.

After Shiro dies, and Rin finds out he’s the son of Satan, Rin stops going to church. He doesn’t believe he’s welcomed at God’s house anymore, son of the original sinner that he is. He mourns the loss quietly, spending Sunday mornings in the quiet of his and Yukio’s abandoned dorm hoping he could be somewhere else.

(Alternatively, he could go to the chapel obsessively, turning his believes into a quest for absolution. Maybe if he behaves like a good Christian boy ought to do, if he follows the rules and proves Rin has not abandoned him, God will forgive him the sin of being born.)

Rin would want to have his confirmation—maybe he was in the middle of that process before Satan possessed Shiro. But now that holy instruments harm him, it’s like another sign that a demon isn’t welcomed, and that God has forsaken him. For that same reason, some of his favorite Bible verses harm him, and it’s through gritted teeth and clenched fists that he recites them in class and to himself, refusing to give them up because he’s turned tainted by his demon blood.

(When he first awakens, the night before the funeral, Rin takes a bottle full of holy water from the monastery’s reserves and tries dousing himself on them, thinking he might be able to cleanse himself of this curse with it. It burns, making his skin splotchy red and his eyes water from the pain. He’d always been able to touch it without issues before, but now it repels him. Rin falls to his knees in front of the altar, head bowed to the sculpture of Jesus crucified on the cross, and wonders for the first time if God has left him.)

(The burn fades within the hour, and Rin hates that most of all.)

Rin avoids mirrors the first few weeks after Shiro’s death, not wanting to see how he’s irrevocably changed. He hates the feeling of his longer canines when he runs his tongue over them, grimaces at the new, sharper shape of his ears, can’t barely take a look at his tail to stuff it under his shirt. He looks like he’s only just rolled out of bed, appearance shabby and unkept, but Rin prefers that to watching himself now that he’s no longer one of God’s creations.

He prays by his bedside every night - even more so now that he can’t go to mass, Rin has started praying obsessively since Shiro died - has his rosary around his neck even though it makes his skin itch and takes it everywhere he goes. He always blesses the table before eating, thanking God for the food he’s provided for them.

Every time he uses his flames, Rin feels like a sinner. This are the flames of Satan, the flames of the original sinner, God’s antithesis. Using them feels like forsaking God just like God has forsaken him, but Rin finds no joy in it. As the flames die out and Rin’s freaky demonic features recede, he bows his head and prays. “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned,” he says, trying and failing to feel better about himself.

His friends notice, after all secrets are out in the open and Rin doesn’t have to hide them anymore, and they look at him strangely for it, like his apology to God is out of the norm. Maybe they don’t think Rin would be religious, as the son of Satan. Maybe they just think it’s strange that he’s looking for absolution. They don’t comment on it until much later, when Bon tells him that he’s not a sinner just because he uses Satan’s flames. Bon is much smarter than Rin, so infinitely smarter, so Rin tries to believe him. He never stops praying though.

When he first realizes his feelings for Bon are less than platonic, his first instinct is to go to the confessionary and confess his sin. But the only priest he’s confessed to is Shiro, and Shiro is dead (Shiro is dead), and what priest would give absolution to a demon? So Rin doesn’t go, stewing on his guilt and thinking about it obsessively (“Forgive me father, for I have sinned. This is my first-tenth-hundredth-thousandth confession.” “Forgive me Father, for I want, and I do not know how to stop wanting.”). Is it because he’s the Son of Satan? Was he born a sinner, always meant to stray from God’s path like Satan did? How can he follow God’s will when he’s fallen in love with a boy?

Later, he realizes Shiro would have probably been fine with it, and if Shiro approves… maybe it’s not so wrong. Maybe Rin isn’t sinning when he looks at Bon feeling butterflies in his stomach, isn’t straying from God’s intended path when Bon’s laugh makes him happy. And if this is not a sin then maybe being a halfling isn’t either. Maybe it’s not God that has forsaken him, but the Catholic Church.

(The Vatican will never love him. They have casted him as the villain before he could even prove himself one of God’s believers, and they’ll never let him forget who his father is, and what he’s done. He’ll never be able to visit freely, to marvel at the beautiful structures and the holiness of it all. It hurts. But it hurts less than thinking he’s beyond saving, that God has given up on saving him.

The Vatican can suck it.)

Rin tries going to church again. It’s a daunting task, after days and weeks and months without stepping foot inside a chapel, but Rin finds himself sitting on the third row at the Sunday mass held near True Cross Academy, and feels the knot in his stomach loosen as he listens to the priest. It’s familiar. It’s liberating. Rin feels a little more like himself. Bon is waiting for him at the school gates when he’s done, looking immensely proud and Rin takes his hand in his and lets the feeling of contentment wash over him.

He still prays. He still blesses the table. He still recites verses of the Bible even if they hurt him, and he still refuses to go to a confessionary.

But he can stand to look at himself in the mirror now. He resumes his confirmation process, even knowing he may never be allowed the actual sacrament. He lets himself see a world where he can be the son of Satan and a good Christian, where he can love a boy who’s beautiful and good to him without disappointing God. It’s a different world than the one he lived in before, but Rin thinks it’s a world Shiro would be proud of.

It’s a start.

——————————

(This is my interpretation as I was raised Catholic and went to a Catholic school all my life. I’m nowhere near as devoted as I’m making Rin here lol, but I grew up around Catholic religion and know people who are very hardcore Catholics, so this, as well as my own religious education, is where I draw my knowledge from.)

(Also, I want to clarify that a lot of Rin’s thoughts are in no way healthy, and he will grow to let go of them in time. This is the result of a very traumatic situation that left him stranded with no sense of direction, and some of his actions stem from a need to overcompensate for being half demon. He’ll get better as he learns to deal with that reality.)

Update: my brain won’t stop eating at me so this has turned into a thing (tm). Let’s call it revelations au because I think I’m funny. You can find all my posts about it through that tag in my profile.

#patolemus thinks #that never ends well #the religious guilt!au I didn’t know I needed #this might turn into an actual fic who knows #definitely not me #rin okumura #my baby is going through it #bonrin #rin x bon #ao no exorcist #blue exorcist #religion #religious guilt #fanfic #fanfiction #writing prompt #revelations au

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fanfictionstuff · 5 months ago

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Amaimon x reader soulmate AU - part one

I don't know how to format this on tumblr. I just wanted to write a short Amaimon soulmate AU. Obviously, I got a little carried about because it'll be at least two, maybe three chapters.

“Big brother, what’s this?” Amaimon questions, holding up his left hand. Upon his arrival in Assiah, an odd red string has materialized on his little finger, and it doesn’t have a physical presence. Each time Amaimon attempts to touch it, his hand passes through. It hangs around sixteen centimeters from his finger before vanishing in thin air, leaving the demon confused.

Mephisto raises a brow. “I don’t see anything. What is it?”

“You don’t see the red string?”

The King of Time swiftly turns away from the younger demon, suppressing a smile. "A red string? I'm afraid I don't see it. Perhaps it's just an illness until your body adjusts to life in Assiah?" He lies through his teeth. I can’t wait to see how this plays out.

The following day, Amaimon slams a book down on Mephisto's desk. "This book claims that a red string of fate connects soulmates. But mine is severed. Does this mean she's dead?" He asks, gazing at the frayed string in his hand. However, he doesn't seem too concerned about the possibility of her death. Mephisto shrugs nonchalantly, "I can't say for sure. I don't have a string myself, and it's becoming increasingly rare for people in the human world to have one. It's possible that your soulmate could have died hundreds or even thousands of years ago.

“Oh. Okay.”

And with that, Amaimon ignores the odd string on his finger. Instead, his attention turns to exploring Japan.

------

“Rin, you think the spirit of a little boy is evil?” You give Rin a look of disapproval as he attempts to keep Shiemi and you safe. “____, is right, Rin.” You nod. “I’m always right when it involves him.”

Rin stammers through his response, explaining that he wants to keep both of you safe and advising you to listen to him. "Hey! Are either of you even listening to me?" Rin's expression turns stern as he notices you and Shiemi engrossed in your phone. "He's been like this since we were kids; I've learned just to ignore him." You remark to Shiemi, not bothering to look up at Rin. Watching a video compilation of the ghost's appearances gives you some clues about its possible location in the amusement park. Shiemi timidly suggests, "Perhaps it would be easier if we split up? We can each take a different area to search for him." She looks between you and Rin nervously, hoping it’s a good idea the two of you will approve of.

You nod. “Great idea, Shiemi. It’ll save us a lot of time; which area do you want to go to?”

You watch her as she makes her way to the funhouse. “Shiemi has never been to an amusement park before. Do you think she’ll be okay in the funhouse?” You grin at Rin. “Remember the first time you went in one? You busted your nose after running into the glass in the maze.” The memory of five-year-old Rin with a bloody nose flashes through your mind; he was so angry. “I hope she doesn’t rush into a mirror or something while chasing him.”

“Do you think we should warn her?” A panicked look crosses Rin’s face. He remembers how much it hurt and doesn’t want Shiemi to have to go through something similar. “Nah, if she does, it’ll be a funny story for her to share.”

“But-“

“No buts- just go look by the rollercoaster. I’ll check out the game stalls.” You nudge him in the direction of the rollercoaster before turning to leave.

The first stall that catches your eye has a goldfish scooping game inside. You can't help but frown at the sight of the fish, some floating lifelessly at the top. How long have they been stuck in the park without being cared for? When was the last time someone fed them?Although you should be searching for the ghost, you feel compelled to clean up the little pool. Maybe it will attract the spirit's attention? Fortunately, there is a freshwater hose nearby. You can drain and refill the small pool holding the fish. You spot a large white bucket that could hold all of the fish while you clean up their pool. It couldn't make things any worse, right? Lost in thought about the neglected fish, you begin cleaning when your main focus should be finding the missing boy. There’s enough of you guys in the park. Taking a moment to care for the fish shouldn't be a big deal.

As the pool starts to fill, the lights suddenly flicker on, and the rollercoaster roars to life. Who turned on the electricity? Wait Rin, he’s at the rollercoaster, right? Your thoughts are confirmed when you see a burst of blue flames. What is Rin doing? It’s a tiny ghost child. There’s no way a ghost has caused this much trouble. So, what is Rin attacking?

What do I do? On the one hand, Rin is your best friend. On the other hand, you’ll be completely useless and might even get in the way. Yukio surely has noticed and is probably on his way there. It’s probably best for me to stay out of the way.

You frown. “What happened?!” Rin is on his knees, looking distressed and battered. “Rin, we’re only supposed to find the ghost! What were you doing? Was there a fight? What happened?” You motion to his beaten body. “And your tail, why is it visible? You need to hide it.”

——-

“Big Brother.” Mephisto frowns at the young demon crawling through his window. “Amaimon, use the door.”

Amaimon ignores the comment. Instead, he lifts his left hand, his eyes following the new length of his string. “It’s longer.” His gaze follows it out the window, though it does seem to disappear at some point. Farther away, much farther. “Oh? Maybe your soulmate has just been born.” Mephisto rubs his chin in thought. He can’t truly say what it means. It’s rare enough for humans to have soulmates. He’s never come across a demon who has a red string. “In that case, you’ll have to wait at least eighteen years.” He shrugs nonchalantly.

Amaimon squats down, biting on his right thumbnail while lifting his left little finger to his eyes. “I want to find her.”

“I don’t think that’s a wise decision.” He tells Amaimon with a tired glance. Just this morning, Amaimon didn’t care about the idea of his soulmate possibly being deceased. Is it because the red string is now most likely connecting them that Amaimon suddenly feels more attached to her?

Mephisto’s words fall on deaf ears as Amaimon disappears just as quickly as he appeared.

As you listen to Rin’s story, you settle comfortably on his bed. “A demon king?” You raise a brow. “And your sword was taken by Yamada, who isn’t really a student; they’re that woman with red and yellow hair, whose real name is Shura?”

“Yes.”

“Aw, I should’ve gone to see for myself. I stayed back because I didn’t want to get in the way, but now I’m really curious. Tell me, what did he look like? He’s a king, you said Demon King of Earth? Was he like some kind of massive stone demon?" You imagine a gross-looking demon that might fit. “What? No. He looked more human than that. I don’t know- I wasn’t exactly focused on his appearance. He definitely looked strange; he had green hair and was dressed really weirdly.” Rin leans back in his chair and gazes up at the ceiling. “Why do you care what he looks like anyway?”

You shrug. “Just curious. You said he’s a demon king. So, I couldn’t help but wonder what a demon king looks like. Anyway, from what you said, it’s amazing you’re still alive. Pretty sure the rest of us wouldn’t have survived that.” You quickly bite your tongue, not wanting to inflate his ego too much with compliments. If you do, he’ll probably be insufferably proud for the next week.

———-

You let out a heavy sigh and run your hand down your face. Today has been exhausting. Wait. Suddenly, you sit up straight in the bed, noticing something different about your left hand. “IT’S LONG! RIN IT’S LONG!” Excitement rushes through you as you jump off the bed and shove your little finger in Rin’s face, forgetting for a moment that he can’t see it. “What is- wait, are you talking about your string?” You nod, excitedly. The string had been there your whole life, though cut off and only around fifteen centimeters long. Why has it been extended now? “Yes! It’s long, but I don’t know how long.” You nudge him gently to the side so you can see it leading out the window, “It’s really long. Oh my god, what do I do?”

Rin follows your gaze, even though he can’t see the string. “Does that mean you have a soulmate?” Your excitement starts to twist with nervousness. “I guess? But who could it be? And why did it show up now.” A curious look crosses Rin’s face. “Huh, maybe they were just born?”

“No! Don’t say that. I’m eighteen.” You slap his shoulder. “Anyway, should I try to follow it? I kind of want to try to follow it.” You grin brightly.

“Follow it?”

“Yes? What else am I supposed to do? Just stare at the now extended string?”

“So, it just suddenly became longer, in this moment?” Rin questions.

“Actually, I don’t know.”

“What? How do you not notice a long red string as soon as it appears?!”

You shove Rin back. “I don’t know, I never pay attention to it, and it’s really thin so I didn’t notice it on the ground. It’s like a string of thread.” Even now you wouldn’t have noticed if you hadn’t really focused on it. “Would it be weird if I start to follow it now?”

“The sun is about to set _____, demon activity will be higher.” Rin reminds.

“You gonna go with me to protect me?” You joke. However, Rin misses the joke, and his ego inflates. “Yes.” He puffs out his chest. “I’ll even protect you from your soulmate if needed.”

“Never mind, I’ll look by myself.”

“____!”

As you step out into the dimming light of the evening, you follow the red string with growing anticipation. Rin stays close behind, a mix of protectiveness and curiosity evident in his demeanor. The string leads you through the streets, twisting and turning in unexpected directions that make you wonder where it might ultimately lead.

After what feels like hours of following the string, you find yourself standing in front of a streetlight. Your eyes widen as you glance up, then quickly snap back to Rin. “Hey Rin, could you grab something in that shop? I’m kind of hungry.”

“You can’t go yourself?”

“You know what I like here, get something for yourself too.” You shove some money in his hands when you’re sure he’s in the shop; you lift your hand, eyes slowly following the string on your finger to the finger of the figure sitting on top of the streetlight. Your soulmate. “Is it safe to assume you’re the demon that fought Rin today?” Even with Rin’s poor description. This demon above you fits what he said. With his choice in style, it’s hard to focus on one part: his long burgundy jacket, odd forest green arm warmers, and shorts with tights? His red striped shirt with a beige vest and tie matched his shirt. It’s a lot to take in. “Yes, I went to play with him, but he was no fun.” His tone is childish and blunt. “So, you’re my soulmate, right?” He questions, waving his hand in the air. The light reflects in his golden eyes, making them almost seem to glow. “You smell odd.” The demon jumps from the light, landing just centimeters from you, nearly nose to nose. Odd? You take a step back, embarrassment washing over you. This demon, your soulmate, thinks you smell odd. “I like it.” At his words, calmness washes away the embarrassment. “What’s your name?” As he speaks, he reaches for your left hand, observing the string that connects you.

#amaimon #amaimon x reader #ao no exorcist #blue exorcist #blue exorcist fanfiction #blue exorcist x reader #amaimon x oc #rin okumura #mephisto pheles #yukio okumura #soulmates #amaimon ao no exorcist #amaimon blue exorcist #ao no exorcist x reader #soulmate au

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